#3 TIMES IN THE SPAN OF 2 YEARS WTF

[evaiskindaweird]

Me whenever I feel like I have a new "best friend showed toxic/true version of themselves" situation (I won't shut up about it for a year bc I'm actually very hurt and sad it happened for a 3rd time)(I'm probably just overreacting)

[moyazaika]

[remember-digimon]

Next up is my favorite, Matt!

Wow what a cool guy.

So, Matt is usually described as a loner, Tai's rival, and the Angsty Cool Guy. None of these actually describe who he is, so let's dive into that.

1. Loner. Matt isn't a loner, he's lonely. Big difference. He keeps others at a very long arm's length as a self-preservation mechanism; due to his parents' divorce basically breaking his little heart at a really young age. He learned then that other people could hurt him by leaving, and decided from then on he wouldn't give them the opportunity to hurt him. His loneliness is so deeply rooted that it's interpreted by others as aloofness, while he is only 11 years old. Like damn wtf

2. Tai's rival. Outside of the Cherrymon incident, which was just good ol' manipulation to get the two most powerful Digimon in the group to fight, Matt was really only considered Tai's rival in early promotional stuff that had a little bio for each character. Matt likely gets interpreted as Tai's rival because they fight a lot, but it's not that simple. Matt doesn't want to compete with Tai, he doesn't want to be the leader. He butts heads with Tai because they're basically opposites. Matt is acutely aware of the group's feelings and needs, while Tai remains laser-focused on the goal at hand. This dynamic isn't like Ash vs Gary, where they're actively competing with each other. Matt gets frustrated with Tai very easily, and he feels things so intensely that he can't really help but blow up.

3. Cool Guy. Let's get one thing straight, this kid right here is not cool. This was more of a thing in the dub iirc, but regardless, his attitude is just a cover to keep people from getting too close. Hell, it takes Gabumon a few episodes longer than the other Digimon to really get close to Matt; before that point, Matt certainly isn't a total dick to Gabumon, but he isn't fully trusting yet either.

Matt's relationship with TK is an interesting one. He feels like it's his sole purpose to protect TK, not just from monsters but from anything unpleasant in life. All of the familial love and affection he gets comes from TK so it's understandable why he would feel this way.

One complaint I often hear about Matt is that his breakdown in the Dark Masters arc when TK gets kidnapped by Puppetmon is way overblown, that he wouldn't normally react that way. He left TK at the amusement park during Weregarurumon's Diner, and when he couldn't immediately leave he didn't break down like that.

The difference in these situations is obvious if you pay close attention. First of all, from the time the kids get up on the day Bakemon raid Odaiba to when they're back at the digital world and split up after talking to Homeostasis, is all one day. It feels much longer because of how many episodes that is, but they're all on at least 24 hours without sleep or taking a break. Also, keep in mind that Matt woke up earlier than the others, before sunrise, as his dad got him and Gabumon to the warehouse to keep them from getting abducted by the Bakemon.

Second, in that span of time the kids have all realized what they're up against. They've lost Wizardmon, Chuumon, Piximon, and Whamon in quick succession, the last three to the Dark Masters. Learning that his little brother has now been captured by one of these Dark Masters would lead Matt to fearing the worst.

Then there's the big fight he had with Tai just prior to the breakdown. He accused Tai of being obsessed with fighting and ignoring the others' grief at the loss of their Digimon friends. By the time he and TK are in the tree with their Digimon, he's already showing signs of wanting to break away from the group, saying that they don't need the others.

Matt also feels that his growth is stagnant compared to the others; this is untrue, as Gabumon would not be able to digivolve to higher levels if Matt wasn't growing and changing. But his self-image is so damaged that he always sees the negative aspects of his personality when comparing himself to his peers.

And of course we have to talk about the Dark Cave. Because of how the Digital World operates, Matt's depression materializes and manifests as a cave that he can't escape until he comes to terms with it. Obviously this quick recovery from a depression spiral is not based in reality, but this is an episodic kid's show so I'm surprised we even got this much.

Matt's experience in the cave is one that a lot of people who have dealt with depression and loneliness can relate to. He says he wants to be alone, but Gabumon calls him out on that and makes him realize that isn't what he wants, actually. He wants to be more open with people, he's just under the impression that he's not really important, not wanted, so it's better off to just not even try. His relationship with his mother is highly strained because of the divorce, and because he has an overwhelming sense of loyalty he probably feels he has to be cold to her for his father's sake.

As for his father, Hiroaki is at work more often than not. Every time we see Hiroaki and Matt interact, Hiroaki is either brisk and business-like or even annoyed; when Matt meets up with him at the TV station, Hiroaki is angry that he didn't stay hidden. Obviously this is out of concern for his son, but still. A moment later, when TK shows up, suddenly Hiroaki is much softer in speaking. So I imagine that this dynamic would also have an impact on Matt's mental health; his dad is almost always at work, and when we do see him with his dad, Hiroaki is a bit tough with him.

But it isn't all sad times and angst with Matt. He loves music, later forming a popular band in middle school and high school. Once he realizes that he can open up to people, and they won't intentionally hurt him, he's able to create real, lasting relationships that aren't based on the cold exterior he uses to protect himself. It's clear that he needed to learn to let others in, and once he did learn that, he becomes much happier and more willing to open up and let those walls down. Even if it's just a little bit.

[melissa-titanium]

what are ur guys md age headcanons . i see them a bit younger now but my initial ones before i really. knew wtf was happening in the show were like;

uzi ; 21. she's 21. okay? okay. glad we're on the same page. n ; 23 is my favorite number so he's 23. (maybe 16 at the mansion?) v ; 22 v gives me middle child energy. (maybe 17 at the mansion?) j ; 20 j is the youngest. (maybe 15 at the mansion?) cyn ; ??? (10-13 at the mansion) tessa ; well. tessa's fucking dead but. okay. let me explain why the alphabet gang's ages are fucked up. v was the oldest at the mansion. i think a year or two passed during v's error 606 state, which kind of. put her in a stasis and she didn't age mentally or physically, allowing n and j to "catch up" to her in a sense, physically and mentally. for my own sanity; v went down first. j went down second. n went down last, but i think he was the first to be revived back into an actual disassembly drone body rather than staying as a solver drone, making him the first of the alphabet trio to be "reborn," leaving him to be older than both the other two. v and j during the destruction of earth just fight as solver drones while n backs them up as a fully fledged dd. v is recreated like a year later, and j is refurbished 2 years after v, right before they head out to copper-9. this makes it so when they arrive at copper nine (i think the trip took about a year) uzi was 2, j was 1, n was 4 and v was 3. okay. im done khan ; mid 40s (44?) nori ; mid 40s (46?) but older than khan, i think she & khan had uzi relatively young because of the short span of time between her surfacing after the core collapse & the dispatching of the dds. also there's no way she was the same age as uzi when we see her alive. yeva ; two or three years older than nori (48?) yeva's husband (alexei) ; year younger than yeva (47?) doll ; 26 ( okay i genuinely cant explain this one. i know realistically doll would be the same age or hell even YOUNGER than uzi & it doesnt match up with the timelines that i made up in my head but. bbut she's the older cousin. okay? okay. this is the first and only age that i can't explain don't worry i've just had the age 26 so fucking solid in my head i literally can't think of any other age.) doll was held back in school after her parents died, so essentially she's stuck at uzi & lizzy & thad's . "grade" level despite being much older. lizzy ; 23 thad ; 23 (they're twins but maybe thad's younger?)

[deadweight-at7am]

This very bizarre phenomena is happening to me on FB and I want to know if anyone else has had this happen.

I got a random friend request like... 2-3 weeks ago. From a woman whom I've never met, but it says she is "friends of" one of my FB friends. I don't know this lady. I didn't immediately accept it but just sort of looked at it for a while because I wasn't sure why she requested me.

Then, the next day, I got another friend request, this time by a man. He had some friends in common with me... so I accepted both of the friends requests (the lady and the guy). I just said "yeah whatever, fuck it".

Then, THE NEXT DAY, I got another friend request from a man who is friends of the first guy. That's our only friend in common. Now I'm confused. So, I accepted it. Then, the same day, I get a friend request of someone (a woman) who is friends of the last dude.

Now I'm like "wtf is going on".

Every day almost I've gotten a new friend request. Prior to this, I have gone over a year without getting one. Wtf is going on? Has this happened to other people? I've gotten 9 friend requests in the span of like a week. They all look like real accounts manned by real people.

[skatingbi]

Aight so i dub this au the Modern Resturaunt AU bc im uncreative with titles (I refuse to give any of my fanfiction titles)

Now Ima start off with a list...of word vomit. Idk what im doing. Its 2 am and Im still grieving over the bio exam i failed today.

Let me begin by saying my experience is nearly 3 years of working in a resturaunt (yeah...the same one...) and being trained in nearly every position they offer except manager bc Fuck That lmao

Luffy is either a server (not mornings tho he's way too hyper in the morning for that) or a dishwasher or trained in both. Nobody trusts this kid in any other back of house position. He would definitely break several health codes in the span of an hour. He is a menace.

Nami is a server. She is definitely one that'll smile at u and then talk shit abt u in the back with the other servers. If she hears a coworker talking shit abt her she'll either ignore it or throw hands. She may or may not steal ur tips. Regardless she's still good at her job and her sales are fantastic after every shift. Her and usopp will gossip during break.

Zoro is definitely a line cook. Hes the kind where if u put too many mods on food he'll be like "what the FUCK guys". If u ask him for something he will forget. If he goes in the cooler to restock something he will not be able to find it and will spend 10 minutes in the cooler looking for that thing. Do NOT let him operate the fryers.

Sanji gives off shift supervisor vibes. He will happily deal with any customers who fuck with his coworkers and will gladly kick them out. He still cooks most of the time tho and him and zoro are the kinda cooks to either have some kind of wack ass situationship or literally hate each other. Or both. Actually both.

If sanji is serving he will flirt with the ladies and it definitely gets him in trouble and zeff (the owner of said resturaunt) bans him from serving for weeks at a time lmao

Usopp would be a great server <3 but bc my dude is full of anxiety he would be a great prep cook too. He is definitely the dude who listens to music while working. Nobody minds and it makes the shift more fun! He's the cook who only works mornings. He would probably also bring doughnuts for the crew that works mornings :)

Chopper is that one kid whos barely 18 and its his first job. He would be the host and the kids love him. He's that host who accidentally talks to tables too long even after seating them until the server comes to greet them. He's unproblematic and is just happy to be there.

Robin is like kind of cross trained in everything?? Idk she doesnt mind being scheduled wherever but i can see her as a really chill bartender. Definitely the kind to entertain customer's conversations without being enthusiastic but it still works??? Her sales are probably great too. Shes the coworker that nobody would see for like weeks and then suddenly reappear one morning and everyones like "wtf i thought u quit" but nah she's chilling. Shes definitely been there since the place opened.

Franky is banished to line cook purgatory. Not because he's terrible or mean but hes just so energenic like luffy that him being a server would probably overwhelm most customers lmao. He's the cook that's always laughing and yelling out motivational words during rush hour.

Jimbei is a manager. Thats all i got ngl. Bro is just there to make sure nobody dies or violates osha guidelines. Everyone loves him tho and if they realize he's managing the mood innthe resturaunt lifts astronomically.

Brook is NOT allowed to be a server. Zeff banned him from that position within the first week. He would probably shift supervise in the mornings tho. Him and jimbei would definitely be friends outside of work lol

[panpipes]

i heard someone from another state talk about how 1 semester was not nearly enough time to spend on sex ed and that was wayyy more time than i ever had in a sec ed class at any point (even if i combined up the 3-4 times some kind of sex ed was taught throughout my k-12 experience) so i’m curious what other people’s experience was. i feel like i’ve seen a lot of data on the quality of the sex ed people receive but i don’t have a reference for the time usually spent on it.

i tried to cover a good range of time spans, but some people might have to to go with an approximate/rounded answer

if you’d like, tag the kind of school system you were involved in, the overall quality/type of sex ed you received (eg: abstinence only, comprehensive, evidence based, etc) or the reasons you didn’t receive any sex ed

pls reblog for sample size! thanks

[killingsboys]

omfg my friend was recently hit with a stranger asking her out! I saw it happen in real time:

IG notification of a DM, she asked if I remember who James was I said no.

She opened his message, it was a very simple "hey how ya been it's been years since HS, i just wanted to say hi and see how ya been" (my friend is also very pretty so this is normal to her tbh, I've told her it doesn't happen to me nearly as much as she seems to think it happens to everyone!)

anyway she replied with "great, thanks! good to hear from ya, hbu?"

in the span of the next 20 minutes while we talked over our appetizer and didn't notice/reply immediately, he sent her several messages about as long as this ask now describing his:

1 - crypto and investments

2 - therapy (which good for him ngl)

3 - apartment hunting in a city 4 states over where he's lived since HS

4 - how he had a crush on her in HS

5 - how he's sad to think they never talked

6 - if they can meet up when he's in town next

7 - how did she see him in HS? Did she have a crush on him too?

8 - he's really interested in investing and finding a good traditional wife and having kids soon

We noticed about an hour later and she wasn't sure how to respond but he apparently replied again this morning with a "good morning, did you forget about me?"

I told her to block him like wtf?????

ohhhhhhhh my god what the hell.... the face i made when i got to #8 on that list. bad. bad all around. i sincerely hope she blocked him because what the HELL......

this guy added me on facebook last week i think? and i usually don't accept friend requests from people i don't know, especially men, but i was like oh i think this is the guy who moved in across the street from me a few months ago, and i think it's good to be able to contact your neighbors if you need to! so i accepted the friend request just assuming that was that. mistake number one.

this guy messaged me at like 11pm on saturday (red flag) and i was like oh maybe he has something neighborly to say like maybe his dog got loose or something idk. mistake number two. he tells me he's seen me across the street from his uncle's house and he thinks i'm cute. i hit him with the standard "haha thanks!" that i think is the universal agreed-upon nice way of saying "i'm not interested." mistake number three!

he messages me yesterday asking how my day was. i'm like "oh it was good how was yours?" because i don't know how not to be polite to people. mistake number four! he messages me at 7am on a MONDAY asking if i want to get dinner. we have not even had a conversation! he doesn't know a single thing about me! i am just some chick that he has seen outside with her dogs or reading on her porch! i don't know anything about him either! i didn't even realize he wasn't my neighbor until this weekend!

and now i'm annoyed because i have been tricked into caring about some random man's feelings 🙄 i'm like oh i don't want to reject him first thing on a monday morning that feels so mean...... meanwhile if HE didn't want to start off his week with a rejection maybe he shouldn't ask out a complete stranger at 7am on a monday? just an idea? honestly he's probably perfect nice but he went about this all the wrong way and also i am just not interested in general..... sigh it's just a mess 💔 anyway i hope your friend blocked that weirdo. opening with CRYPTO of all things...... red flag city!

[emotionalvulcan]

yayyy vent time and by vent time I mean complaining-about-ib-econ-and-my-unfortunate- and-horribly-catastrophic-choice-in-picking-that-class time

so was it the worst choice I've ever made in my life?...

most likely

number 1 factor in my annoying period of extra depression² ?...

mhm yes

do I have an exam tomorrow that I am not at all equipped to do?...

absolutely

is there blood rushing in my ears with no signs of stopping?...

seems like it

are my nails and surrounding skin destroyed?...

of course, you best believe it

am I also procrastinating writing this stupid paper II mock exam that is like ¼ complete?...

unfortunately yes (pls end me, what a horrible fate awaits me)

should I have listened when the smartest person I know told me to switch out of this class?...

yes I really fucking should have they were right like always fuck

this isn't even accounting for the other horrifying stress that are in store for me

yes most of the suffering ends friday but that also means that I have until friday to not get fucked.... now lets see what awaits me

ah yes just your usual 1,000 words part ⅔ of my extended essay of which my diploma depnds on and then oh wow would you look at that... another like 1,000 word econ essay which... no way... my diploma also depends on... not to mention my usual list of homework

and now for an even sooner due date of lovely good old wednesday of which i have to finish 10 whole pages of a review packet for apush

opps and what's this... I have to go work at the library for some stupid 100 community hours that... wait... what's that?... my diploma also depends on? who would've guessed... this is literally so stupid what

I hate the public school sy- nono I hate the school system in general

especially ib

like I'm so sorry I have a life and am too stupid in math and don't understand a bunch of graphs

I do not care for your stupid knowledge

what I want to learn I will do so on my own and enjoy my time exponentially more than I ever would by sitting in your horrid prisons of paper and concrete

its funny too because I remember complaining to my mother about ib and telling her that I wanted to and that I could switch academies

then she offered

and wanting to be all strong and brave and whatever other bullshit I was feeling at the time

I chose to stay in it thinking i could do this alone

well would ya look at that losers

guess who's the one losing out in the end

the one time I didn't follow through with my cowardly coping mechanisms of running away from my problems

and what do I get for it?

tears in my face?

ridiculous

well actually the 2 times (not running from ib and not running from ib econ)

only need 3 more for it to be part of one of those fics "the 5 times blank did this and the one time blank did it back"

funny how it'll be over so soon but it sure doesn't feel like it

funny how it all feels so right and yet so wrong at all the same times and sometimes they just take turns

how I can be happy for such few days on the weekends when I get some breaks and then the weeks feel like nonstop punches to the gut

beyond elated for thanksgiving break since they give us a whole week off this year

only thing is...

that's next week

so it's almost like I have to get shot in the face before i can properly rest for a short while

watch me write more in this short time span than I ever will for my stupid paper II or aa2

also wtf I just spent like the last 30mins writing this I'm going to fail my exam tomorrow because I still have to finish the mock exam and then study

[celaenaeiln]

Ok this is random, and all but I have made it my sworn duty to submit at least 3 questions a week, and it's like a minute before the end of this week. Have you ever been in a harry Potter phase, because I saw you use it as a reference for one post about happy robin, and also because I'm stumped on what to ask you and I DO NOT want to break my record

I HAD A HUGE HARRY POTTER PHASE!!

Harry Potter was my first book series ever actually and I just completely fell in love with it. Batfam came much later but the longest ongoing fandom I've ever been in is the Harry Potter now. I haven't been in it for about a year now but wow it was my first fandom ever. I used to read dramione fics on wattpad lol my first fanfiction introduction.

I was a massive hermione stan so I read a bunch of fics about her. My favorite pairing used to dramione but as I grew older I started falling into tomione (^◇^；) but really I was casual hermione x everyone shipper.

I even did the pottermore thing too online where you can quiz yourself to see what house, wand, and patronus you get and I got slytherin which didn't come as a surprise at all. At the time I thought it was so cool to be part of the evil house lol. I was such an embarrassing kid looking back.

Actually I originally created my tumblr account to see dramione stuff lol before I started getting into other fandoms and it became my fall back fandom when I was bored with the other ones or did want to engage with them.

I didn't really have a second favorite character after Hermione, I don't think Dumbledore deserves to be hated for being manipulative, and wtf is going on with the cursed child.

Writing this is giving me so many flashbacks it makes me want to start reading the fics again! It's also 1 of only 6 fandoms I've ever created a separate list of fics for because I really loved the source thing.

My favorite class was Charms because I thought it would be the most useful too. Don't want to make your bed? Magic! Don't want to clean the kitchen? Magic! Want to redecorate? Magic!!! Charms is so versatile that you can use it for anything. If voldemort was smarter he would've magicked his face to look normal using Charms, approached harry, and killed him. Voila! Problem solved! But I guess he lost his brains along with his beauty sadly but not unfortunately.

I heard there's a new Marauders movie coming out?? I wasn't going to watch it but then I saw people shipping James Potter and Regulus Black together because of it and now I want to see it only out of sheer bewilderment of what could've possibly led to that. Or so I tell myself.

The Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them!! I LOVED the movie series!!! The first two were really good and third was okay but all that doesn't matter because the graphics. Unpopular opinion but I really loved the original Percy Jackson movies even though they were nothing like the books because the graphics were so cool. Action movies are my favorite so seeing columns of water rise up and seeing how real it looked, it was like a fantasy turned reality! The Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts movie series, I fell in love watching them because of the magic.

Which is hilarious now because I used to be scared of watching the Harry Potter movies! When my parents watched the first movie and I was really little I would hide because I was really scared of Voldemort and felt really sad about Harry losing his parents and the thought of it made me cry 😅🙈

But yeah Harry Potter is like number 2 biggest fandom for me right after the Batfam although it used to be number one. I have a fleeting interest span. So if I'm addicted to a show but I don't watch it for a few days, I lose all interest in it completely and forever (sorry Vampire Diaries) or a game (goodbye sky: children of the light) but these two fandoms, I can not be in them for several months or even years but I never lose interest. Just my love for them ig!

[lefae]

Do you know how many works your read this year?

💌 ao3 wrapped [reader edition] (accepting)

Pfft... Umm... So, small disclaimer: I'm a speed reader and tend to read mostly long fics, and due to memory issues will also reread earlier chapters of multichapter long fics to remember wtf was going on previously before reading the newest chapters (because I also tend to wait until there's at least a handful of chapters before getting caught up because otherwise I'll have to keep searching for fic immediately after just having picked one to read).

I have also been hyperfixated on Mass Effect (since introducing you to it, no less), so that's been the predominate fandom to the point that I've read almost everything in some of the tags unless it outright has stuff I won't read at all due to being NOPTs, squicks, and/or severe triggers. Like, I think there are only a handful of Nihlus/Shep fics I haven't read at all yet. And fyi, there are only 3 fics for Joker/Tali, which makes me sad and I kinda want to fix that if I can get the spoons to do so.

All of that was written mostly while I waited to get out of the AO3 frozen jail from trying to load through too many pages too quickly, so now that I can get a rough estimate based on my history, I've read close to 200 fics in 2023 - the majority of them long fics of 100k or more), and the majority of them this year being Mass Effect (including Andromeda) and/or Dragon Age, including various crossovers in some cases (I'm a sucker for a good crossover and/or AU, as you well know).

I read everything from complete fics to wips (including abandoned fics), so there's not much limiting what I'll read. The biggest thing is just staying away from the ships I don't care for, and the tropes I don't want to see, which AO3 makes super easy to avoid (especially since I also use userscripts for highlighting tags, so I have warnings highlighted as red to make them easier to find in long clusters of tags as necessary).

Lately, rarepair hell has been the most common theme I've found myself in, with some pairings having only single or double digits of fics, and most of those are really short (like 1000 words or less), so I'm always looking for the next long fic to dive into.

If I read more short fic, the number would easily be higher, but I actively sort by word count and start at the longest fics possible and work my way down through the pages. Given it only takes me a couple hours to read a 50k fic, and only about 2 nights to read a 200k fic, it's little wonder I seek them out first, unless I'm pressed for time or am having bad ADHD issues with attention span, then I might filter down to a smaller range for a bit.

[gluion]

i love u, mon nom nom hehe

1. my favorite fic of yours is probably a given: of linked arms and bruised hearts :] she lives in my brain as a measure of beautiful platonic relationships, and i hope you know just how much i adore that 70-something-k fic 🤧 i know i havent read all of your works thus far, but at some point, i swear i will, because your style of writing is just so lovely and i'm always so in awe of your prose.

2. a favorite part of linked arms and bruised hearts of mine is probably the moments when yn was realizing they were in love w changmin at his family house. i mean, the entire time they were there was so lovely too in general, but every time they had like,, a thought session (is that how i should describe it??) where they marinated on their friendship w changmin, i was just so so soooo soft and tender-feeling. like omg i was just thrashing around with the biggest pout cuz WTF I WANT THAT.

6. okay im gonna talk abt the same fic again, but i need u to know that the third part almpst had me crying. like i actually had tears welling up in my eyes and SNIFFLED. you have actually brpught me pain and tears—

8. i love that you dig deep with your writing. taking a step away from my beloved, but even in your brief jacob fics, you really take your time to explore relationships and establish a certain environment/ambience. its dazzling and enveloping and just .... ugh, sometimes i just have no words to describe /your words/ :'))

oh beam, i love you ☹️❤️‍🩹 i am genuinely so happy to know that a fic so personal to me means a lot to u!! it’s not easy to write 71k words in the span of two months probably? and before the writing process, i had to outline it (so i guessing this whole fic took 2 and a half months from ideation to writing phase tbh) and please dont feel pressured to read all my works!! admittedly, i havent read all of urs (and i think my other current works dont compare to of linked arms and bruised hearts imo) and as someone who was still figuring out their writing style, it really means the world u likes my writing style :]]

im so glad to know that u enjoyed those moments in jichang’s family home </3 IT WAS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE LONGER FYI!! there was going to be moments of them revisiting their old school, doing winter season traditions, really just more moments for them to reminisce abt their friendship after all these years. i feel like periods where u look back at ur friendships are just ones i love experiencing bc its a look back at not only ur relationship but even how u grew as people </3

PLEASE IM SO GLAD TO KNOW THE THIRD PART DID THAG TO YOU??? I FEEL LIKE REREADING AND EDITING IT HAD ME ACTUALLY SO SAD … i feel like it was closing a universe ive grown so attached to u know </3 but its okay i still have those oneshots lined up, and if i miss them i will def write them

beam :((( thank u for saying this. like it actually does mean the world that someone appreciates the fact i like to just explore dynamics </3 i think its why my fics end up being SOOO lengthy (and one can definitely argue that i do not need to be saying all this) but i feel like it’s needed, you know? it doesnt even have to be main pairing dynamics but even the side characters </3 it actually reveals so much abt the characters as well. and THANK U FOR SAYING THAT ABT AMBIENCE/ENVIRONMENT :’) admittedly, it’s still smth i def need to work on (and even finalizing my writing style really) but i am so glad that even at this state, someone likes what i do—i feel like im going in the right direction.

i love you always beam!! thank you always :’)

[berryunho]

Just binge-read The Answer in a day and let me say that the plot is fucking insane, how the hell do you people come up with something so intense? Lmao, anyways I love reacting to mc's actions and inner monologue like a bff hearing some tea over a videocall "girl no he stabbed you, dont think about him as a normal person, he isnt one, with him its supposed to be throwing hands on sight for sURVIVAL"

And yet I still managed to get gaslit, girlbossed and gatekept by her relationship with san, tell me why I was here reading chapter 29 and thinking "wow he really is bringing up some red flags now after that fight" and then had to stop myself right there because the very first red flag that man had raised was from the very beginning wheRE HE GREETS HER TO THE CULT *BC HE IS PART OF THE MF CULT*

I CANT BELIEVE I FELL FOR IT, WTF

Anyways, can't wait for more, but take your time lol, I am as excited as everyone else but you are doing this for free and with something this good it's honestly such a service, thanks for all the effort <3 hope you're doing well and hope that you keep writing even after or outside of The Answer because you genuinely do such an amazing job building up descriptions and characters, I am very curious about everything we are yet to see, and I did wanna ask, sorry if you have answered this before, but do you already have an ending planned for the story?

- 👁👁

UM ? I LOVE YOU WAIT LET ME PUT THE OTHER MESSAGES UNDER THE READ MORE AND THEN RESPOND LAKDJF;ALKSDFJ

Just wanted to add that not only do I react like a nosy bff in a call with the mc as I read The Answer, but I also judge the absolute hell out of her choices not as in "this is gonna get you killed" but as in "I would 100% be going tinfoil hat in HJ's ass about the other world ages ago for entertainment alone" I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE CMON Mr Cultist wants me to go from city dwelling college student to hillbilly cult wifey in 2 days? HE TAKES AWAY MY PHONE ONLY TO TELL ME HIS BIBLE FANFIC IS BASED OFF THE SHIFTING REALITIES COMMUNITY? THE ONE THAT WAS BIG ON TIKTOK IN 2021? Be fucking for real, I would, on day 1, sit down in front of him and go "already, so whats up with the other you? You two still chat? Also whats up with his version of Hwa? Is he a petty little shit too? Are they in a questionable fwb situationship too? Do you still get prophecies? If so, why are there so many prints of your walmart bible around? Cause that seems like an awful waste when you will inevitably have to print just as many more with the new updates so wtf" He takes away my entertainment when I have the attention span of a 4 year old? Fine, he is gonna have to entertain *me* now to make up for it, bible study time? More like you are now my social media outlet where I'm gonna rant about my crazy theories, my favorite ships and I will overanalyze each and every plot hole in your bible sir, I don't care that its a prophecy, I want consistency from your writing about the other world, I want detailed descriptions, I want to feel like I am there, how do you expect to win New York's best seller with this vague ass paragraph about your little lost boys crew in trenchcoats? I'm gonna annoy him into killing me and realizing I'm not the one, his stalking time all going down the drain. I consider this an absolute win for me.

Okay I'm so sorry for sending another ask when I just sent two humongous ones lol but I did remember one thing I wanted to ask and I hope it doesn't come off wrong bc I mean nothing bad about it at all but back when HJ was all "I'm only gonna do the devils tango with you when you beg me to uwu" and mc thinks "damn, at least my local cult leader got some consent morals going" I couldn't help but stop myself and wonder: girl. He made out with you. In front of at least 40 people. When you were drugged. Clearly tripping. By his orders. And he stabbed you right after but most importantly he has bragged about making out with you IN FRONT OF A CROWD WHEN YOU WERE TRIPPING BY HIS OWN DESIGN And yknow, my question is: was mc's (continuous) lapse in judgment in this moment to blame for her not realizing he in fact does not give a flying fuck about consent and she just let that slide bc the cult mentality was getting to her (which we do see progress over the story, and its been one of the most interesting parts of the fic btw, I think you did really well with that) or did you not mean for it to be that and I read too much into it? Lol because yeah he is a self admitted and apparently diagnosed psycho but you'd think he would see how this morals he just tried to brag and seduce her with are not moralling at all. Or maybe he just hoped she wouldn't realize his delusional-moral compass isn't gonna point correctly no matter what way he tries, I'm definitely thinking too hard about it at this point lmao HE REALLY IS GETTING INTO MY PARANOID BRAIN, THE MIND GAMES ARE CONSUMING ME FR Anyways, again, sorry for the long asks one right after the other, I'll stop pestering now.

I fucking lied, I'm sending another one to ask if you happen to have any fics to recommend that maybe give off The Answer vibes or that you think may be a good read while we are all on standby bc I just got hit by the withdrawals-after-a-good-fic now that I realized I can't keep reading since I got to the last chapter lol. I'm so sorry. - 👁👁

first of all let me say it again: i love you. thank you so much for reading the answer and for being kind and for wanting to tell me and ask me so many things!! i really, really appreciate it and pls dont feel bad for sending me asks (big or small) bc it just makes me SO happy lol i feel bad that you've been waiting for a response for so long but LKJF:KDJF:AKDF I WILL DO MY BEST TO ADDRESS EVERYTHING so here we go:

I did wanna ask, sorry if you have answered this before, but do you already have an ending planned for the story?

hehe no worries at all!! i do have an ending planned and i know how we will get there, but there are certain elements and plot points that aren't solid yet and could be changed!! but i am set on the ending ^^

the entire second ask is just so valid. like tbh i would absolutely be the same. like id be scared af for a few days but once i realized i wasnt gonna like DIE immediately and that i could get away with annoying hj like at least a little bit id be on his ass. honestly and truly the main reason that i havent written more of like... the answer in the story is bc im too concerned that anything i wrote would be torn apart for analysis when i wouldnt actually be reading that far into it LKJA;SKFDJSD bc like you're right anything that hj would be writing would be very pertinent information TO HIM but like... does it actually mean anything... or is it just words... LOL idk if that makes sense but everytime i try to write like in the style of a religious text with the answer lore it sounds so ridiculous i just cannot take myself seriously enough to do it KLAJKS;DFJASKFD BUT HELP YOU POINTING OUT THE SHIFTING LORE? LITERALLY THE EXACT SYSTEM I STOLE THIS LORE FROM I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING WHEN I STARTED WRITING I WAS JUST LIKE idfk whats something weird that i can connect to the ateez lore that i dont remotely understand AND THATS WHAT I CAME UP WITHALKDSFLA;JDSFJLSKDJ you are real

And yknow, my question is: was mc's (continuous) lapse in judgment in this moment to blame for her not realizing he in fact does not give a flying fuck about consent and she just let that slide bc the cult mentality was getting to her (which we do see progress over the story, and its been one of the most interesting parts of the fic btw, I think you did really well with that) or did you not mean for it to be that and I read too much into it?

eheheeheheheheh i really was waiting for someone to point this one out!!! i definitely meant it to be a lapse in her judgement and like a ...... hmmm idk how to put it like she's selectively forgetting things that don't match with what she WANTS to believe !! like personally i would never in my life write a member of ateez to be a rapist so we obvs won't be worrying about that BUT if this were a real situation, that would probably be a very real fear to have and i figured it would be a good thing to address in case anyone was like. worried about that. LKAJSKFDJASDLFK but yes you're right they're obviously not above MURDER so like. how much credit can we give them. its really just mc wanting desperately to alleviate some of her fear and believe that she is at least a tiny bit safe (even though that is CLEARLY not the case)

if you happen to have any fics to recommend that maybe give off The Answer vibes or that you think may be a good read while we are all on standby

heh this one is tough because ... im not really a fanfic reader LAKJDFKLAJSDFK but my beloved mutuals bee (@atzfilm) and caly (@hongism) are geniuses hehe !! bee writes dark fics that are mwah chefs kiss and caly writes mists of celeste which has a toxic unyielding leader hongjoong. so. you know.

SO YEAH ANYWAYS? THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR THESE ASKS AJDKFALSDKFJSKLDJ AND IM SORRY AGAIN THAT IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO REPLY AND THAT THE UPDATE IS ALSO TAKING FOREVER LOL I HOPE YOU'RE STILL AROUND LAKJDFLKSJDF

[tea-and-violence]

about pencils and research

I'm that kind of person who doesn't use TikTok (it feels kind of overwhelming) and because I have a shit attention span and am addicted to short form content, I use YouTube Shorts. And all the time, I see these jokes about little details in our lives. for example, one time i saw this video joking about why we have to use number two pencils with scantrons- something that was about the "pleasure" or "pain" it gave the scantron. I know these are jokes about little mysteries in our world, and usually I find them to be hilarious, but it's not really, because why are you making (bad) assumptions when you have A WAY TO FIGURE OUT THE TRUTH-

JUST

GOOGLE (or yahoo or bing, I dont give a fuck)

IT.

Idk why I care so much, but the fact that they dont even seem to try to want to know the truth makes me mad. And maybe I care because I don't like false information, and I did this essay about the history of pencils a while ago, and it's actually kind of interesting? I'm sure a lot of artists know things about this also.

There's this whole scale of types of pencils, from 9H, 8H...H, HB, B, 2B, 3B... all the way to 9B, I think? H stands for hard, measuring the hardness of the lead, and B stands for black, basically showing how intensely black it is (I think). More Bs, more soft lead, more Hs, more grey and more stiff. H, HB, and B are the most common types, and are called #1 pencils (H lead), #2 pencils (HB lead), and #3 pencils (B lead. The #1, #2, and #3 are LITERALLY RANKING HOW HARD THE LEAD IS. Too hard, not dark enough for the scantron, too black and soft, too smudgy. HB is the "goldilocks" of pencils, and therefore the standard pencil hardness. #2 pencils haven't lost a race to the top of a mountain thousands of years ago, they aren't 2nd place in giving a scantron sexual pleasure (like wtf dude, I know it's a joke but what??), it's basically a name, in the same way that F(n) in algebra is like a name.

I think the fact that through the internet, despite literally having the world at our fingertips, we have either begun stalling our curiosity of learning, or making jokes for views has become more important then learning this really interesting thing about an item you have on your desk, means something, but I don't know what yet.

Also, please let me know if I got something wrong, I got most of this from a google search and a google doc that is years old.

[shakespearerants]

My loves. My dudes. My lads. My ladies. Am currently trying to convince my friends and roommates to go watch open air cinema by the local river with me. For the vibes. Problem is movies are all absolute SHIT, like you cannot imagine how dire the situation is, and I am being sososo normal about it. Thus:

For context: They are showing exclusively films that came out last year. 3 (!) of them have the plot: Big manager gets stuck in small town and learns to love nature. Three DIFFERENT films. 2 of them shown right after the other. Only movies with a better score that 3/5 are Barbie, Oppenheimer, and Wonka. ONE singular soccer film, even though it is literally Heim-EM.

What I would have shown:

- Soccer movies for the Heim-EM this year, going from biopics and documentaries up to Männer wie wir and Bend it Like Beckham. For the non-Soccer fans I would've kept Barbie, Oppenheimer, Wonka and a classic crime comedy.

- Next year: Movie classics spanning different genres and times, and as many of them featuring an open air/drive by cinema scene as possible. 5 minute rage brainstorm list includes: Jaws, original Godzilla, Pleasantville, The Maltese Falcon, Mission Impossible, Pride & Prejudice, + some German language classics & newer blockbusters.

[stormears]

Oh. mygod

I finished the sci-fi horror story (chapter 3, final chapter). It took 3.3k words. Writing from 8pmish to midnight. Wow. I'll edit tomorrow and post and be done with this damn thing.

Now I'm gonna fulfill my promise to myself and finish watching the last 2 remaining eps of JJK S2 in a bubble bath. At midnight on a work night, lmao

WOW! Somehow I was aghast at how it all went to shit in the end (literally, exactly how I planned it but seeing the gritty detail of it come to fruition...it's so nuts, so weird and Very Bad End but it's what I wanted. It's real. It's DONE! WOW! All this time and effort and I can FINALLY move on to stories that I give more of a damn about! All this effort for a story I thought was "meh", haha!

So...THINGS I'VE ACCOMPLISHED THIS WEEKEND (that I wanted/hoped/planned to do):

wrote about 4.5 of material for the sci-fi horror story...and finally finished it!!! (this fic I originally planned as a 3-4k zine fic has now spanned 3 chapters and 35k words! WTF)

posted 2 mini stories from a zine I was in two years ago. Not planned but still a good thing to do

Added some notes and artistic work to my August bullet journal entries

Made a cute gofushi-ish spread in my fanfic journal (plus added some notes and a word count log about the sci-fi fic)

HIT 400 DAYS ON DUOLINGO FOR MANDARIN, WOOOO

Went to the gym to practice sprints even though the practice sucked and I didn't do well bc the gym is having humidity/AC problems so bad my glasses fogged up just existing in the very spacious basketball gym area

made a delicious dinner of alfredo chicken and broccoli...SO good. the competition is almost nonexistent but I am the best chef I know

put in the obligatory visit to my mom and we had a 'good time' (she didn't get mad at anything and enjoyed herself, we didn't fight etc)

maybe another thing I'm forgetting

Bought a cute new lipstick :)

Damn...gotta go run my bath and think about my fanfiction and gojo satoru being hot and annoying and eat chocolate covered almonds...hot cool girl things