#like goddam how the fuck are you supposed to talk to people?

[master-gatherer]

"just because you can't articulate it doesn't mean you're wrong" true but also if you want to communicate you have to find some way to articulate it. Not just b/c other people need to understand your ideas, but so you can stress test your ideas to make sure you're not wrong

B/c you can still be wrong, you see. But you won't know where you went wrong unless you can articulate what you're thinking

[hardstraykidshours]

👀 if you're still taking requests: "enemies to lovers"-esque where reader insinuates that bang chan has popcorn muscles. pabo chan takes the bait and sees red #strengthkink

anonnnnnnn...omfg. i love a good enemies to lovers trope and don't even get me started on strength kink 👀👀👀 i also went wild and decided to sprinkle in some jealousy because i just couldn't help myself. i really hope you like what i came up with for you! enjoy!!!!

❤️ abbie & courtney

-------------------------------------------

pairing: chan x afab!reader

genre: smut, 18+ (minors dni)

length: 3.3k (oops)

warnings: profanity, sexual/suggestive content, dom!chan , sub!reader, jealousy, taunting, degredation if you squint, fingering, orgasm denial, hate sex (kinda?), unprotected sex (please wrap before you tap), creampie, afab reader, nsfw 18+ (minors dni)

“holy shit how is he carrying that?” you didn’t even realize you had said the words aloud, too transfixed by the way changbin was carrying three boxes at once. “like what the fuck? is he superman or something? i wish he’d carry me like that.” you mumble to yourself, completely unaware that chan had walked up behind you and heard every word.

you couldn’t help it. it’s not like it was your fault every single muscle in changbin’s arm was bulging with strain as he helped move your boxes up the stairs. when you had asked the guys to help you move into your new apartment you had expected them to show up and move some boxes, not give you a whole goddam show. you would have never thought you could get so wet over some cardboard. 

changbin bends down to pick up yet another stack of boxes and you have to literally suppress a moan at the way his arms flex and contract. how did you never realize he was so shredded? like jesus christ, he’s so built. you find yourself imagining what it would be like to lick every single inch of his body, feeling the curves and ridges of his strong muscles beneath your tongue.

“can you at least close your mouth if you’re going to watch him? you’re literally drooling.”

the sound of chan’s voice makes you jump and you snap your mouth closed. a blush creeps up your cheeks as you whirl around and realize he was watching you. of all people to catch you staring, of course it had to be chan.

"i don't know what you're talking about.”

“uh huh, sure. that sounded super believable.” the blatant sarcasm in his tone makes your defensive nature start to rise to the surface.

“and what’s that supposed to mean?”

“you’re really going to try and tell me that you weren’t staring at changbin’s muscles? as if i didn't just find you blatantly watching him, mouth wide open like you were looking at your next fucking meal.” 

“well….i…." you stumble over your words as you try to devise a plausible excuse. "oh just shut up." you don’t miss the way he chuckles softly in response, clearly enjoying how flustered you are.

god, he's so fucking irritating. he knows exactly what all your buttons are and goes out of his way to push them. and of course he also has to be friends with changbin and jisung. you love hanging out with them, but chan is just always there, annoying you with that cocky grin and his stupid comments.

“what are you doing here anyways?" you snap, already on edge after only a few minutes of being around him.

"helping you move, duh."

"last i checked i asked changbin and jisung to help. not you."

"well we all have plans later so they asked me to come lend a hand so we aren't late. i figured with my help we'll finish in half the time."

he flexes his arms dramatically and you can't help, but roll your eyes. "oh please, you may look good--"

"so you admit i look good?" he smirks and you have to fight the urge to smack the grin off his face.

"if you would let me finish, i was going to say, you may look good, but we all know those muscles are just for show. unlike theirs." you nod across the room towards changbin and jisung who are carrying a dresser into your room. their arms are bulging under the weight of the heavy furniture and you watch as a bead of sweat starts to run down changbin's face. god, you'd like to lick that off.

"could you be any more obvious?"

you snap your gaze back to chan, another wave of irritation rolling through you. "could you be any more annoying? it's not my fault i like a man who can actually use his muscles instead of just flaunting them like a fucking trophy."

"i'm only annoying because you make it so easy sweetheart." he taunts condescendingly, knowing how much you hate it when he calls you that. he reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and you smack his hand away harshly, frustrated that he always knows just how to get under your skin.

"and for your information, these arms can do more than just look incredible. a lot more." with that he strides across the room, tossing a sly wink over his shoulder.

he quickly gets to work, moving heavy boxes and furniture with ease. as the afternoon wears on he never breaks his brisk pace and you have to admit you're a little impressed with how strong he is. not that you would ever give him the satisfaction of saying that out loud to him.

as your getting some things settled, you end up changing your mind about the layout of your living room, so you ask the guys to move the couch when they finish dropping off the boxes they're carrying.

"where do you want it?"

you turn around from the bin you were unpacking and your eyes widen in surprise for a moment before you manage to fully mask your reaction. apparently, chan decided not to wait for the other guys to move the couch. so now he's just standing in the middle of your living room, holding an entire fucking couch. like it's not a huge couch, but still.

"ummm, over there against that wall." you mumble, trying not to stare too heavily at his bulging biceps or the thick veins snaking down his forearms and hands. he walks across the room and settles the couch into the spot you indicated gently. the entire movement looks almost effortless, as if moving a whole couch took little to no exertion. okay, so maybe you're more than just a little bit impressed with his strength.

the look on your face must have betrayed you a little because when chan turns around and looks back at you his lips tilt up into a smug smile. "i told you they weren't just for looks."

"oh just shut up and get the rest of the boxes."

"whatever you say sweetheart," he taunts, a knowing smirk on his face as he heads downstairs to grab the rest of the stuff from the moving truck.

"hey is there anything else you need moved?" jisung asks as he walks out of your bedroom, changbin close behind him.

"no, i think that should do it, chan's getting the last of my things right now and i'm pretty happy with where all the furniture is. thank you guys again for helping me, there is literally no way i could have done it all myself. and i really didn't want to have to pay movers and then awkwardly stand around for a couple of hours while strange men came in and out of my apartment."

"of course! you know we'd never subject you to the horrors of having to talk to a stranger alone. but, if we're all done, i think we are gonna head out. we need to swing by our place before tonight because there is literally no way i'm going out with this one if he doesn't shower first." he glances over his shoulder, a look of faux disgust on his face and changbin shoves his shoulder playfully. "shut up, we both know you smell like a fucking locker room right now. anyways, if you need anything or when you inevitably decide you hate where everything is in three days just hit us up, we are pretty free this week."

"thanks guys! i totally owe you one!"

you wave as they leave and plop down on your couch, exhausted from all the moving and unpacking. pulling out your phone, you start mindlessly scrolling, not looking up when chan comes striding into the apartment a few moments later. he moves to set down the last of the boxes, talking as he does.

"i ran into the guys on my way back in and they said that we're all set. so i guess that's my cue to leave as well."

"yup, thanks for your help today. i guess." you mumble, still not looking up from your phone.

you hear him chuckle lightly at your half-hearted thank you as he heads back to the door. "oh and don't forget to hydrate after all the drooling you did today."

your eyes snap up to find him leaning against the door frame, that irritating smirk painting his lips.

"i was not drooling!" you defend, wishing he would just leave. it was bad enough having to deal with him when the guys were here to help act as a buffer. but when you're alone with him it takes all your self control to not strangle him and you're just too tired to deal with that right now.

"oh please, i should've gotten you a towel to help clean up after you watched me move that couch."

"oh my god, just let it go." you return your attention back to your phone, slumping further into the couch. you don't register that you never heard the door open and close until chan's hands suddenly land on the cushions on either side of your head. you jump in surprise, dropping your phone into your lap.

"why are you still here?"

"because i'm not going to leave until you admit that you were wrong."

"what are you talking about? and get out of my space," you shove at his chest and have to force yourself to not think about how hard his muscles felt beneath your hand.

"admit that you think i'm strong." he leans over and you can't help but notice the way his biceps bulge with the motion. you swallow thickly, trying to pretend you’re not affected by his suddenly invasive presence. you will not give him the satisfaction of knowing that this is turning you on a little. so, you pick your phone back up and start scrolling again, pasting a bored look on your face.

“oh, is that how it’s going to be?” he asks while plucking the phone out of your hands and crowding into your space even further. “you’re going to pretend i don’t exist? don't think i didn't notice you staring at me today. i bet you were wet all afternoon while you watched me work."

taking a breath to steady yourself, you move your gaze to connect with his. “well sorry to disappoint, but you couldn't be more wrong.” the words come out much more confidently than you feel with his large body towering over you.

“oh, okay, sure,” he replies before dipping down to plant a chaste kiss against your neck. your body freezes, every muscle locking up as all your senses zero in on the feeling of his mouth on your skin. “you keep telling yourself that you didn't notice me.” he mumbles the words against your sensitive flesh and you have to fight the urge to moan as his soft lips brush against your skin again and again. "that you weren't thinking about all the things i could do to you."

"i...i wasn't. you're the last person on earth that i would want to sleep with." your words sound unconvincing even to your own ears. the denial loses even more credibility when you find yourself threading your fingers through his hair as he moves to latch his mouth to the other side of your neck.

"who said anything about sleeping with you? i just mentioned all the things you were thinking about me doing to you. careful sweetheart, your horny is showing."

"i fucking hate you."

you feel his breath puff across your skin as he chuckles lightly before leaning in again. your head tips back against the couch behind you as he nips at your throat and you can’t suppress the soft moan that escapes when he laps softly at the sore spot.

you tug at his hair to pull him closer to you and you feel him groan against your neck. his hands are suddenly underneath your thighs and you feel yourself being lifted, and then moved, until your back is pressed against a wall. heat floods your core at the feeling of his hard body against yours, but before you can even fully absorb the sensation, chan’s mouth is against yours and you lose yourself in his tongue.

bright hot arousal courses through you as his mouth moves with yours, every lap of his tongue and nip of his teeth sending bolts of electricity straight to your core. his hands grip your thighs as he makes out with you and you can’t help but focus on the way his fingers press into your flesh, as if they are trying to memorize every inch of you before you disappear.

you know this is a bad idea. he's never going to let you live this down and you're definitely going to hate yourself for this later. but when his mouth is on you like this, you can't find it in yourself to care.

he shifts so he's holding you up with just one arm, his other hand moving up to wrap around the back of your neck, pulling your mouth closer to his. you moan into the kiss and you wrap your thighs around his waist, his arousal even more present as you start to roll your hips against him. you’re vaguely aware of the way he moves the two of you down the hall as you continue to make-out. he suddenly drops you onto your mattress, the movement abruptly breaking the kiss. he crawls onto the bed after you, settling between your legs before reconnecting his mouth with yours.

“oh god, chan,” you murmur against his lips, thrusting your hips into his, desperate for more contact. his mouth starts to move down your neck, sucking on the flesh hard enough that you know it will leave marks.

"look at you. i've barely done more than kiss you and you're already moaning my name. when are you going admit that i drive you crazy? that you're completely desperate for me. that--"

"just shut and fuck me before i have time to remember how much i can't stand you."

you try to grind against him but he presses his broad body down against yours, preventing you from moving.

"nice try there sweetheart, but i'm in charge here." heat floods your system at the dominance in his voice. with one quick movement he rids you of your panties, his fingers quickly replacing the fabric. he strokes your soaking pussy a few times before diving in, plunging his fingers deep inside of you.

"god you're so wet for me. i've bet you've been dripping all afternoon, just waiting for me." you open your mouth to protest, but when you feel his thumb press against your clit, your brain empties of all thoughts. he continues to work you with his fingers and you feel your high rapidly approaching. just when you think you are going to tip over the edge, he pulls away and you whine in protest.

“no!” you gasp, barely able to form words beyond your desperation for him. “i need more! please, give me more!”

“oh? now you'll admit you want me?” he asks, smirking down at you.

"no that's not what i meant. i will never admit--" your words die in your throat as he plunges his fingers back inside of you, curling them to hit that spot just right. a loud gasp escapes you and you throw your head back, overcome by the sudden pleasure coursing through your veins. he continues to stroke you, pumping his fingers at the perfect place, drawing you closer and closer to release until…

“no! please don’t stop!” you practically sob when you feel him stop his ministrations yet again, just before your orgasm. 

“you think i’m going to let you come without my cock buried inside you? you think i'm going to give you the satisfaction of release before you admit how desperate you really are for me? no, no, no, that just wouldn’t do."

“please, chan, please just give it to me,” you beg, dying for his touch, your release teetering on the edge.

“oh i will, but not until you say the words." he looks down at you and you bite your lip, determined to not give in. but then he starts to move away from you and your hands lash out, gripping onto his biceps with deadly force.

“okay fine!” you practically scream. “i was staring at you all afternoon and i hate it. i hate that i couldn't get myself to look away. i hate that all i could think about as i watched you was what your muscles would feel like if you used them on me. so please, please, i’m begging you, take me. fuck me until i’m screaming around your cock, make me come harder than anyone has ever made me come.”

“there. now that wasn't so hard, now was it?”

he quickly removes his pants and boxers. before you can even blink he’s pounding into you in a way you have never been fucked before. your eyes roll back as pleasure overtakes your system once more, his cock hitting you just right with every stroke.

pure bliss starts to overwhelm your senses and you move your hands to his stomach, dying to feel the way his abdomen contracts as he thrusts into you. his hands catch your wrists and pin them above your head before you get the chance to feel anything and you can’t help but whine in protest.

“oh, so now you want to feel my muscles?” he taunts as you squirm beneath him. “did you really think that after all your arguing i would just let you have whatever you want?” he flicks his thumb across your aching clit and you can only mewl in response, your hips jerking towards his hand, eager for more contact.

he smirks at your reaction, reveling in the effect he has on you. he starts pounding into you harder than before, his thumb working your clit in earnest. it takes no time at all before you feel yourself tip over the edge, thighs beginning to shake as pleasure wracks your body. curses and cries of his name pour from your lips as you come, your legs wrapping around his body to hold him close as you do. 

you try to wrap your arms around him, but his hands continue to keep your wrists hostage, holding them to the bed as you come. you can feel his strength surrounding you. you're completely at his mercy and that thought makes you come harder, aftershocks rippling through you as he keeps you pinned beneath him.

“fuck, yes, that’s my girl,” he murmurs as your orgasm washes over you, his words only heightening the experience. “god you feel so good… fuck… you’re gonna make me--” the feeling of you pulsing around his throbbing cock becomes to much and his hips stutter as he starts to lose control. he curses when his release finds him, dropping his head to your shoulder as he comes deep inside of you.

he collapses against you as he finishes, his body pinning you to the bed beneath him. you feel yourself drowning in him, but for some reason you feel comforted rather than overwhelmed, his large frame surrounding you in every way. 

silence overtakes the room, the only sound filling it being your collective gasping as you both try and catch your breath. finally, chan speaks, his deep voice rumbling against your skin. 

"i'm glad you finally decided to admit how you really feel. lying's not a good look for you."

"oh my god," you groan, shoving at his shoulders. "i still hate you."

"oh i know sweetheart. i know."

tag list: @sensitiveandhungry

[multiversxwhore]

Stargirl Interlude

a/n: this is plotless pointless sensual smut, if you can call it that. The tip is barely in, but you feel it none the less. The inspiration behind it, Stargirl Interlude by The Weeknd ft Lana Del Rey. I wrote this while I was bored at work today…yes I wrote this whole thing in four fours. It’s not the best work, but it’s not supposed to be lol. Anywho enjoy, repost, and reblog here on tumblr only please.

Warning: public sex, unprotected sex, nsfw content, minors DNI.

Tags: @cardierreh15 @miyuhpapayuh @tchallasbabymama @chaneajoyyy @mochachocolatteyaya @michaelmajors @michaelbwriting

Johnathan Majors x plus size black girl

Word count: 797

“Andrea, how are you this evening?” The interviewer asked, I gripped the mic in my hand nervously as I smiled through my awkwardness. It was a bit hard to focus with all the chatter, and cameras going. My heart thundered behind my ribcage, this shit was bizarre, I hit autopilot quickly before I started to spiral any deeper.

“Oh I’m great, how are you? Everyone looks fabulous, I just seen Angela Bassett, and I cried. Then I ran into Brandon Frazier, he said some very kind words to me that I will sobb about later.” Which was all true, it was one starstruck incident after the other, I knew tomorrow when I woke up this would all feel like a fever dream.

“I would be lying when I say I’m jealous—

I didn’t hear anything after that point. I knew this was a bad time to get caught gawking, but there was only one man that could make me break character. When his eyes looked up from adjusting his suit they instantly locked on to me, and he pinned to my spot. Now I’m reminded of the slick mess he left between my thighs in the bathroom before we got to the carpet.

‘Fuck you eat it so good baby’ I moaned heavily his strong hands gripped onto my cheeks as he kept them spread apart to make room for his face. His tongue swiped back and forth over my clit until I came leaking onto his mouth.

“Look who it is! Jonathan Majors, what a lovely surprise, now all we need is the rest of the cast from LoveCraft and the set will be complete.” The interview chuckled, bless her heart for talking over my ‘episode’ because I was not recovering any time soon. It wasn’t until he touched my elbow did I jolt out of my haze, automatically jumping back into gear, I beamed up at him. He wasn’t smiling, nor was he putting on a facade, it was one thing I loved and hated about him. He didn’t give a fuck, he wasn’t going to explain himself, and you could kiss his ass for all he cared.

“Look at you all dressed up! All shiny and would not.” I said playfully, he looked down at me, a hint of a smirk on his lips, and his gaze turned on to me. The interviewer nonexistent to the both of us, his hand held mine as he went on with such laudatory remarks.

“Me? You’re the one literally a cute little gumdrop, the shoes have roses on them, and let me tell you, you look stunning.” He stepped back to give me a once over taking my hand and holding it up above my head.

“Give the people a twirl.” He smiled, the paparazzis went wild as they shouted praises, and compliments at me, then my mind jumped back to an hour ago. ‘Turn that ass around let me hit it from the back real quick.’ He breathed heavily, it was no time to be cute, the goal was to hit it, then nut. And hit it he did, I bent over the bathroom sink; he teased me with the tip as he caressed my slippery entrance. The last time we fucked was nearly two months ago, readjusting to his size again was a bit of a task. ‘Goddam Jay, almost forgot how big that dick is.’

I snapped out of it in time to see how he was watching me, shit eating grin stretched across those delicious thick lips. Fuck him, and his lips— ‘fuck me, fuck me, oh fuck.’ I moaned as his hips thrusted into me roughly making my pussy throb in a good way. Jonathan wrapped an arm around my shoulder as he pulled me in close so that the photographers could get a few pictures. He turned his head to my ear, speaking in a hushed tone so only I could hear, “what’s wrong, dick got you speechless?” He chuckled darkly, Inlressed my lips together fighting the urge to giggle, I could feel the corners of my lips turning upward against my own will. When I finally mustered the ability to say something his manager was pulling him away from me so that they could move further down the carpet. I looked past him to see Micheal, and Tessa waving at us.

“See you tonight baby girl.” He whispered, then brought my hand up to his lips kissing my knuckles like a gentleman. That gesture sent the photographers into a frenzy as they snapped as many photos as they could, that would for sure make the papers. He waved a hand towards the photographers then walked off towards his Creed cast mates. My skin still tingled where his fingers touched me, yet again I was left utterly breathless, this time he barely touched me.

[thethinkingaurora]

I’ve just seen my first radqueer blog, and holy fuck is it disgusting

When I’m saying radqueer I’m specifically talking about transid and transdisabled and stuff like that because that was the main focus of the blog it seems

If you don’t know, transid and such is basically saying you identify as trans but your not actually trans, you’re cis but you want the label, and transdisabled is the same thing but they’re saying they’re disabled (whether that be physically or mentally) when they’re not

If you don’t agree with what I say here or you want to debate me on it, I’ll happily respond anyways onto the actual post

Ok so I came across the blog thanks to @urlocalsupermarketofendocrinosis and you can trawl through they’re reblogs/posts to find the account if you wish, and honestly the blog was impressively stupid

So to start off the blogger (I’ll refer to them as that as they asked to not be referred to as a person so I won’t) says they are transRussian, transUkranian and transJapanese but they’re actually American (at least I think that’s what they were trying to say) so they’re already saying they’re part of 3 different nationalities 2 of which are at war with eachother and while yes it’s possible and there are people who have citizenship in multiple countries that is not their nationality as your nationality is your place of birth

Next they said they were transdisabled with about every mental disorder under the sun (I’m talking all of them from BPD to ASD to ADHD to Schizophrenia to depression to ASPD, it just keeps going on) and then rickets and scurvy and POTs and it a whole host of other things

Next they have transage with about 16 different things there and the only number was 17 and then stuff like permakid, permateen, nounage, schizage and again you guessed it it keep going on

We also have trans race which is more of this shit and it keeps going on

So that’s the blogs pinned post well most of it anyway (I could probably fill an A4 page with all the labels they have there)

So now my problem with this

The concept as a whole is either sad or disgusting and disrespectful

They come along here and say oh I’m disabled because I feel like it when there is actually disabled people who suffer because of their conditions and this kid thinks it’s alright to just be like “ooh a disability I like it I’ll add it to my character traits list to make myself more interesting” which is just so goddam disrespectful

Or say I’m this nationality and that one and this one like my guy do you not know how logic works, you were not born in these places, you are not from these places like if you’re really gonna defend people like this what are you supposed to do, it’s just stupid and a miserable attempt to add interest to a boring character, there are certain things that are facts about you like where you were born and your DNA which do not change ever you can change your gender, you can change your name, you can change your body you can change your voice, but you cannot change your nationality

Another thing they also said they were transid but then literally said they were cis, like come on, they’re mutually exclusive you dumbass

Ok age, that’s another constant that is near unchangeable, you can change your legal age (I think) but you cannot change your actual age

They also say that they are autistic and ADHD and BPD (I’m not sure if them being a system is another radqueer thing but I’m going to go off of the point that there was only one name and the lack of plural pronouns like “we” or “us”), I actually have friends with a lot of these conditions and I have a few myself and they can cause problems and be inconvenient on a daily basis and it’s just disrespectful to people like us to say that your mentally ill or suffering a condition that your not purely because you want to be interesting

Oh yeah also if the blogger responds don’t be surprised if they respond with something about gender dysphoria when that wasn’t mentioned here at all

So yeah to close this off being transid or transdisabled or anything like this is sad and disgusting you are trying to add interest to your life with labels because you don’t have a personality so here’s something you can do throw away all of this bullshit and make yourself a life, discover who you really are instead of building a costume of fake labels in a desperate plight for friends and attention

Oh yeah the person was @emopack

And if you really want to justify this bullshit explain how you transition to being autistic or any of the other things said here

Finally this is not me being transphobic, this is not me being ableist if anything these sort of people are being those for impersonating and mocking disabled and trans people, but if you can find a genuine reason that this is transphobic or ableist tell me and if it’s an actual reason I’ll edit if not delete the post

[allthetimeclueless]

So I played Fallen Order for the first time… and I’m gonna talk about it even if no one read this because otherwise I’ll forget. This is my catharsis diary 😂.

I played Fallen Order for the first time and it was also the first time I’ve ever played PlayStation (PS4 to be precise) I wasn’t really into PS but I’ve been around the SW fandom long enough to know that I would like Fallen Order … and OMG it was excellent ?! (Not that I have many references for video games besides Mario kart) but honestly the story about grieving and loss and moving forward after a deep traumatic event ?! Amazing ! The cinematic sequence ? Brilliant ! The story line ? Captivating!

Okay it’s supposed to be a story about hope but honesty it’s so so sad. I knew it was post 66 orders but it’s just sad people coming together with sad past trauma (fall of the Jedi, betrayed by her master and thus living in a deep consuming hate lifestyle, survived the majority and her sisters being killed and so on). I mean wow, the scene where Trilla gets tortured into a Sith, I am 24 and I found it hard to watch, the ninth sister taunting Cal by telling him exactly what happens when you turn dark (the torture, exclusion, the people you once knew barely acknowledging you…). The echos Cal feels it’s like always a heart breaking story ?! (That padawan that had to bury her master AND died succumbing to their wounds?! Okay :) then :)))

Seriously Darth Vader is goddam scary in this… I mean I love Anakin Skywalker very deeply and it’s hard for me to watch Darth Vader without connecting him through Anakin’s lens (which is normal I guess) but what I mean is that I’ve almost never saw him as a heartless, cold, monster character, to me he is just so very broken (because I guess I’ve seen the saga in the 1,2,3,4,5,6 order, I don’t really remember or I was just hard to impress when I was a kid) even in Rogue One I was like OMG he is unstoppable (while still seeing the horrendous level of dehumanization of him y’a know) but he was never scary to me.

But here, « you have failed me Inquisitor » and sliced her … that was brutal I don’t really know how to describe it but yeah it was merciless. And of course the Drama Queen arrival, with the smoke, the music, waiting for Trilla to finish speaking, then waiting for her to feel him and we see her face when she’s hit by the realization that she is doomed, the fear in her eyes and the hopelessness, it is both really scary and impressive because there is no escape from him (my dumbass self being like… why doesn’t he have a health bar?? Okay so imma die, sorry Cal I won’t try I mean he is Darth Vader)

But also I love the family found story, Cal, my very very sweet baby but also the « You would be wise to surrender », « Yeah, probably » what a little shit 🥰🥰 I love him so much, the connexion with Cere (and I really loved to fact that he didn’t judged her or giving her hard time for giving up Trilla’s location when she was tortured), Greez and his weird wizard family is sweet, opening up to them as the story goes, BD1 my precious.

BD1. This droid his just so cute the « bidoudi » sound had me 🥺🥺🥺🥺 plus he is a badass and Cal’s self-proclaimed best friend and savior. And Merrin, my beloved I could rent about her for hours and I love her dynamic with Cal and how he has to prove himself again and again to gain her trust and after that he immediately adopted her (the way she hugged him, I haven’t recovered yet). Plus her story is amazing and her voice is really super attractive and her design is just chief-kiss . Trilla, her story is spectacular and one of the best villain I’ve seen. She is a badass, unhinged only driven by hatred with no regards for herself and also profoundly wounded.

Oh and I honestly wasn’t excepting to see and fucking interact with Order 66?? I was like « you really are going to make me relieve it aren’t you ? » that part of the game hit me hard + Anakin’s Betrayal soundtrack had me almost in tears.

I finished the game in a week and now I feel like my life is over. But it’s not because I have 2 exams tomorrow. And I will NOT be passing away before the Obi-Wan Kenobi show.

But god I loved that game plus I heard (lol no I clearly googled it) that there might me a Fallen Order 2 👀👀

I wish I would play it for the first time again… and now I’m off looking for fanfic about it because I want MORE.

[letmejustputinausernameman]

Welp. That's the last nail in the coffin. Knives have never looked so shiny. And I've never wanted to change that more.

I've had enough of myself. I hate this. I hate how I can't do what I'm supposed to. I hate how I already tried to get help but resisted it, because it was focused on things that weren't as serious.

I hate how I don't cry when confronted. I hate how I just stop talking. I hate how I stopnlooking at anyone. I hate myself so goddammed much.

But above all, I despise how I continuously do nothing about the problems.

I went to the kitchen a few minutes ago, and tested how sharp a knife was. I've since deemed it sharp enough for my purposes.

This life I'm leading is so fucked up. I don't do anything other that watch YouTube and play Minecraft all day, and then act as if nothing's wrong at night. I just feel so disgusting. I don't want these feelings anymore.

There's no time for me to get help. I have 3 days to fix this, 3 days to get from the middle to the end of my classes. And I know I can't do it; everyone does. I want this problem out of my face- for good. And there's only one thing I can think of that can be done withing 3 days.

I don't know where to aim, what part is best to hit for painlessness, but at this point I think I have a rough estimate.

"It'll get better." No. It won't. And if it does, it won't be fast enough.

"You have so much to do in your life." Do I? Really? I have pretty much 0 irl friends, and I know that as a fact. Sure, people would be sad. But that wouldn't be my problem.

"Look for help." I fucking did. Twice. And I danced around the problem like a motherfucker both times and I know I'll do it again. Why even bother trying for a third?

"You have so much potential." How the shit would you know. Like I said, I only watch YouTube and play Minecraft. Not exactly much potential there, now is there?

I've made my point (ha) clear. The only problem I have now is, well, taking a stab at the one shot I have left.

It's easy to run through in your mind, but actually doing it? Different story.

[authenticmiya]

Pinky Promise - Hawk x Reader

Summary - Part 2 of Punching Bag. After all of this lost time, can the reader come to terms with the bad past she has with Hawk? Can they redeem what they had?

Words - 2k

Warnings - angst

Hawk pulled into the driveway of his house, the house you hadn’t been in for what felt like a lifetime ago. His moms car was gone, meaning it really was just the two of you.

“I bet my hair looks a mess right now.” You sighed, handing the helmet back over.

“Not as much of a mess as your knuckles, come on, let’s get you sorted.” The two of you walked towards the front door.

“Shit, I haven’t got my keys.” Hawk tapped on his pockets repeatedly, hoping they were in there.

“Under the statue of the Dalmatian.” You told him and his eyes creased together in confusion.

“Your mom always left a spare key under the Dalmatian.” Hawk was shocked that you had even remembered that.

“Don’t be surprised, the amount of times you used to lock us out, it’s hard to forget.” Hawk didn’t know how to feel. You didn’t want help, so why were you helping him?

“As much as it pains me to say, my hand is stinging like a bitch.” You admitted.

“Right, right.” He muttered, lifting the statue up and of course finding the spare keys. When he opened the door, you were hit with nostalgia.

“Nothings really changed in here.” Hawk watched as you took in everything.

“Last time I was here, you slammed the door in my face.” Hawk swallowed the lump in his throat. That night was the some what end of your friendship together. It wasn’t his transition into Hawk, it was who he became when he was Hawk.

“I shouldn’t have let you leave like that Y/N-“ He began.

“But you did and we both said some hurtful shit.” Hawk nodded and allowed you to follow him into the kitchen.

“There is no way your mom still has this on the fridge.” You gasped at the picture of you and Eli at Golf N Stuff when you were both five.

“You beat my ass at Golf every-time we went there.” He chuckled and a small smile formed on your lips. Noticing he had got the first aid kit out, you perched yourself on the counter.

“This is gonna sting like a bitch.” Hawk prepared you as he wiped away the blood and applied some anti-septic over the cuts.

“That’s the first thing you’ve been right about in months.” Your sarcastic, rude remarks were expected and Hawk took them. He couldn’t exactly say you were wrong, because the only thing coming out of your mouth, was the truth. Wrapping a small amount of bandage over the wounds, Hawk was finished being your doctor.

“Thank-you.” You said, before hopping off of the counter and heading towards the front door.

“Not so fast Y/N, I said once I finished with your knuckles, you and I were talking.” Hawk stopped you.

“I’m not gonna talk to you if you’re gonna be an asshole about it.” You snapped.

“Okay I’m sorry, please can we just talk? No arguing, no nothing, just a conversation.” You chewed the inside of your mouth and hesitantly nodded.

“What happened that night, Y/N I can never forgive myself. I have this whole badass reputation you know? It’s not an excuse, it never was and it will never be. I never should’ve let that take over what we could’ve had.” Hawk told you once the two of you had sat down on the couch.

“What we could’ve had? Are you serious? Eli, Hawk, whatever you wanna be fucking called. You and I were best friends. I mean the best of friends throughout our entire childhoods. We were each-others rocks when it came to the bullying, nah scratch that, you, me and Demetri.” He knew you were trying to pick a fight, but he wasn’t going to give a reaction. He was the one who done dirty, and now he was coming to his senses.

“I shouldn’t have let it come to any of that, we were meant to rise to the top together.” Hawk frowned, now noticing how sad you felt.

“If what you are now, is at the top, I wanna stay at rock bottom.” You told him with a sigh.

“I can’t change what I’ve done to you Y/N or Demetri, I can’t do anything about what I’ve already done. But I can try and avoid it from happening again.” Hawk tried to hold your hand but you shrugged him off.

“You know when mom left me all them years ago? I thought I felt heartbreak for the first time, but when you knew what you were doing to us.” You referred to yourself and Demetri.

“That’s when I felt heartbreak. Knowing you thought it was alright to become the bully. Them nerds? Them nerds you were once apart of. You were in their shoes, and now you’ve put them in the position that nobody should have to go through. At first you though it was badass, but now, you’re a massive dick.” You ranted.

“It’s taken you this long. It’s taken me getting a few cuts for you to realise you were in the wrong this entire time?” Hawk felt like he could cry, he done you so dirty.

“Y/N please-“ It took him every ounce not to just break down in tears in front of you.

“I had no one to go to.” A tear slipped out of your eye and Hawk felt his whole world come crashing down on him.

“I mean I had Demetri, but you know how awkward he gets. You’re the one who would sit there for hours on hours to listen to me and understand my problems, and when you left, I had no one.” You confessed.

“Sure I had Miguel but he was always busy with Karate and Sam, and yeah I guess you could say Johnny is a father figure in my life, but I wasn’t with him everyday like I was with you.” You sniffled, wiping away at the tears that kept building up.

“I have enough money in my bank account to support my bills for maybe half a month. Once my money goes, I’ve lost everything.”

“No you haven’t. Don’t ever fucking say that. You have me. Y/N, you will always have me.” Hawk couldn’t stress that enough but his actions hadn’t really made that clear in the past.

“So that’s it yeah? I let you back in my life and suddenly I have to trust you not to leave? Not to slam the door in my face? Not to drop me like a bag of potatoes again?” You questioned him.

“I needed you and you weren’t there.” You frustratedly disclosed with him.

“I wasn’t there when I had to be. I’ve got so much lost time to make up for, that’s if you’ll let me. I know I wasn’t there, and that is really suffocating me with regret. You did everything for me Y/N. You never left my side, even when all the popular girls wanted to be your friend, you shook them off and stuck by me. I treated you like shit and I’m so sorry.” Now this was the side of Eli that you hadn’t been familiar with for a very, very long time.

“I guess it’s true what they say when you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, right?” You asked him.

“That quote is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life.” From then it was silence. It didn’t feel awkward, yet it just didn’t feel peaceful either.

“I’m willing to forgive this, to try and come to terms with the new you just as long as you promise me one thing-“ Before you could finish the sentence, the front door opened and shut.

“Honey are you home?” Hawks mom called out, and your eyes widened. You hadn’t seen his mom in forever.

“Eli?” She went to call again, but stopped dead in her tracks when she realised you were sat next to him.

“Well god have mercy on me, Y/N? What are you doing here?” She excitedly rushed over and embraced you. The women who was there for every bullshit excuse your ‘parents’ had. It was your turn to feel bad now, because when you lost Eli, you hardly ever spoke to his mom.

“Hi Momma M.” You smiled as the hug lasted as long as it possibly could.

“I can’t believe you’re here! How are you? How’s your dad?” She asked and you gulped.

“I’m okay, he kinda up and left, got married to a women in Dubai.” You told her.

“He’s always been such a goddam slime ball.” She scoffed, quickly brushing that off and letting her calm demeanour take over. It seemed that everyone you knew, had the exact same opinion on your ‘dad’, even before you knew he was going to be permanently out of your life.

“Don’t worry, I beat the crap out of a punching bag.” Your comment made her chuckle, but that would never stop her from worrying about you.

“I’m not gonna ask questions as to why you two are even in the same room right now, but I’d really appreciate if you stayed long enough for us to have a chat Y/N. You’re a good kid, like the daughter I never had. I’ve missed you.” She smiled.

“Don’t worry, let’s go have a catch-up.” She brought you through to the kitchen and poured you a cold orange juice, leaving Hawk to wander about in his feelings in the living room.

“I know what happened between you two.” She began and you chuckled.

“Thought you weren’t gonna ask questions Momma M.” You took a sip of your drink with a slight smirk.

“Not in front of him, this is strictly girl talk.” She pointed out.

“Eli’s transformation was obviously a huge shock, and although I don’t agree with his actions, he’s still my baby, and I had to get used to everything he was doing. I let him do his own thing you know? Try to let him find himself. But believe me when I say he had one huge scolding when I found out about you and him.” His mom admitted to you.

“Me coming here today, was because he didn’t want me suffering through the night with sore hands.” You told her.

“And something as simple as that, means a lot to him. You trusted him enough to come back here Y/N. That’s a start.” She wasn’t on anyone’s sides, she just wanted what was best for you both.

“I suppose I didn’t really wanna go back to a dark apartment.” You laughed, forgetting that she didn’t know.

“That deadbeat isn’t helping you with the apartment anymore is he? That’s why you have no electricity.” Eli’s mom couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“I’ve never wanted sympathy, you know that. I don’t want people feeling bad for me.” You sighed.

“I don’t care Y/N, you’re gonna go pack up your stuff and you’re gonna come and stay here.” She was completely serious.

“I can’t just do that, not after everything with Eli. I can’t intrude on you, this is your home not mine.” You were so appreciative of this women, but the offering made you feel bad.

“You’ve never known how to take anything offered to you. Remember Y/N, I’ve known you since you were a little bump on your mom’s belly.” You couldn’t help but wrap your arms around her.

“That’s if it’s alright with you?” His mom said and you turned around to see Hawk watching.

“I don’t think I could want anything more.” He smiled lightly. You walked over to him, and for the first time in forever, you hugged him. He was hesitant at first, but was quick to wrap you in a tight embrace. Hawk never wanted this moment to end.

“You can have the guest bedroom, or maybe share a room with Eli when you get married one day? You can have any room you want apart from mine.” His mom said excitedly as the two of you were still hugging.

“Long shot for marriage Mom!”

“You’ve gotta promise me, that you and I won’t forget this, but we will forgive this. We got over the bullying, we can get over this. Okay?” You held up your little finger, he hooked his over yours as you two sealed the pack with a pinky promise.

“We can do this.” And you couldn’t help the chuckle that fell from your lips as his mom squealed in his excitement.

Maybe things were gonna change for the good rather than the bad this time.

[citydreamgrls]

a simple favour - part three

fred weasley x fem!reader

summary: it was all in her best interests, fred never meant to catch feelings for her. it had started as a simple favour.

words: 3,721

warnings: swearing , tw: stalking / stalker , smut in later parts (18+)

Read Part four here

Ron and George found Fred with his head in his hands, sitting by the fire.

“What have you done?” His younger brother asked, anger already in his voice.

What had he done? He’d pushed her so far away, in fear of losing himself to her, that he never even stopped to realise what it could be doing to her. Those awkward smiles, uncomfortable glances, that she gave him wasn’t because he was being too close but because he would back off.

He hated her for making him feel bad, he wanted her gone. It would’ve been the easier option if they had never met at all. He was sabotaging himself from the start. Fred had told himself, the more distance between him and y/n the less broken he would feel.

Yet here he was, worrying for her and hoping she wasn’t still angry at him. He wanted her to be okay, and he hated the idea that she could blame him for her heartbreak. It was evident in her eyes, he could see it now, she hated that he would let go of her hands. When he too, never wanted to lose that touch.

“What is it Fred?” George asked, reminding him that they were still there awaiting an answer.

“She’s a bitch.” He spat out, too quickly to stop himself. Ron went for him, fists flying with a cry of ‘you prick!’ repeated over and over as the other twin held him back.

Fred didn’t care anymore, she was already mad at him. He wasn’t going to change that, so he’d just have to play into it even more. He hated her, he hated that he loved her, and he hated that he wanted her in his arms right this second.

-

“Hagrid… hagrid.” I whisper-shouted, knocking gently on his hut. A loud groan from inside sounded, then a few bangs, before he threw the door open.

“What the bleedin’ hell you doin’ here y/n, it’s late.”

“Can I come in?” I begged, he nodded, knowing it must be something important or else I would have waited until morning.

He made me a cup of tea, and sat down across the table, watching me sip slowly.

“I’ve seen you and Fred are a thing,” He laughed.

“It’s a bit complicated…” “Is he the one giving you grief?”

“Oh there’s more than one,” I laughed, sighing.

“I can feed all of them to buckbeak if need be?” He chuckled, throwing Fang another slab of meat to chew on. “You can stay here as long as you need darling, don’t you worry.”

“Thanks,” I smiled, going to take another sip but getting halting as I heard voices in the distance.

I recognised it as Harry and Hermione, moving to duck away from the window.

“What’s wrong?” Hagrid asked, noticing the pair walking down the path.

“I don’t want to talk with them right now, can you not tell them I’m here?”

“They’ll wanna come in, you’ll have to sneak out the back to avoid them.” I nodded and ran to the back door, covered by the kitchen’s cabinets while their urgent knocks sounded on the door. The big man answered as normal, feigning surprise at their late visit and sparking up some random conversation as to distract them slightly.

My trembling hands opened the back door slowly, all the while watching to see if they would come into view. I bumped into a body, stood at the back door. Hermione raised her eyebrows at me, amused, and crossed her arms.

“Let’s go.” She smiled and took my hand.

She didn’t make me talk to any of the others, just led me silently back to our dorm and locked the door behind us.

“What’s gone on, Ron went ballistic on Fred. Did he do something?” She was genuinely concerned, sitting me down and putting a gentle arm around my shoulder.

Hermione was the only person who held me close, and meant well while she was doing it. I broke down, bursting into a stream of tears and crumbling into a ball. She hushed me, resting a hand on my back and letting me catch my breath before making me talk.

“I’ve fucked things up with Fred,”

“What happened?”

“God, he drives me mad!”

“Y/n concentrate,” Her tone was stern, but she just wanted to understand. I nodded through the tears, moving my hair from out of my face.

“Cormac found me by the lake… and f-followed me back, asking all these h-horrible things about me and Fred,” I struggled to talk normally, sniffling between every other word.

“Oh y/n,” The girl said sympathetically, pulling me into her side even more.

“Fred saw him doing it, so he made him leave… a-and I just lost it with him. I w-went mental f-for no reason.” I cried harder. Thinking about how much he deserved it, but how none of it made me feel any better. “I feel like shit for it.. B-but I can’t apologise.”

“He doesn’t deserve an apology y/n, you needed to yell at him so you did. It’s much better than hiding things.”

“He’s such a dick,” I hiccuped against her, making her giggle. “I think I like him,”

“What?”

I think she must have been genuinely surprised, after hearing about our argument and how much he presumably hated me. Hermione assumed I would want nothing to do with the stupid redhead.

“But I thought you-” “I can’t explain it, I'm sorry!” I sobbed, “I hate him, I hate how ignorant he is. How he has no regard for my feelings, and I hate that there’s no goddam emotion inside him. But when he likes me, when people are around, it feels so real. All I can think about is whether that’s something, that there’s a small part of him that wants me too.”

Hermione just hugged me more, letting me spill out my feelings one after the other like an unrelenting storm.

“I’m sorry it’s like this.” “I hate him Hermione, I hate him so much.” I cried out.

-

On the other side of the door, Fred’s hand hovered in a fist, ready to knock. He had come to apologise, to explain why he’d been acting so off and maybe confess to her the reasons he avoided her so often. But then he heard the words come from her voice, the same words he’d been begging to hear from her.

I hate him

It was supposed to make things easier for him, he was meant to want this from her. Yet his heart ached more than ever before. If that was how she felt, he had no choice now but to go along with it. There was no changing y/n’s mind, regardless of the love he had in his heart for her.

So he turned and left, silently, taking each stone step one at a time as not to alarm the girls inside the dorm. Ron was sporting a black eye, George not having done a very good job of holding him back. He scowled at Fred, ashamed that his brother couldn’t even do the decent thing and apologise to her.

He ignored these looks and left, hearing two first years whisper about his and y/n’s argument on the way past their dorm. There weren’t any details, just that it had happened. Which meant things needed to carry on as normal.

-

All of us gathered into Harry’s dorm room the next day, Fred hunched by the door with a sour look on his face. It was like getting a moody toddler to come to a play-date he didn’t want to go on. I’d scoffed when he came in, earning a glare to remind me of how awful he could be.

“Cormac isn’t going to leave her alone any time soon, so I’m sorry you two but this is gonna carry on for a while longer.” Hermione explained, treating us like squabbling siblings. At the end of the day, we were the ones to decide whether it would go on or not. But I knew that Mclaggen would become the bigger issue if Fred wasn’t around, and he must have known it too because there were no refusals. I sighed, shrugging my shoulders and Fred just nodded in silence. His eyes were trained to the floor, not wanting to look my way.

“You don’t have to do this,” Ron whispered to me, making his brother look up.

“Yes they do,” Hermione huffed, knowing she’d make the boy fully understand.

“It isn’t fair, he’s acting like a royal cock!” He pointed to Fred, accusingly.

I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped at my friend’s words.

“You haven’t exactly been pleasant.” Fred spat back at me, finally his eyes lifting from the floor and burning into my own.

“At least I’m better than you,” I defended, scoffing at him.

Harry stopped us both, reminding everyone that this wasn’t going to work if we kept fighting. But Fred and I were too far gone.

-

The bitterness continued between us for days, any second away from people’s eyes and we were right back at each other's throats. Even Ron was getting bored of their unrelenting arguments, often being the one to intervene when we got out of hand.

I quickly found out how easy it was to wind Fred up, and in doing so I didn’t feel as bad about his rejection. Pissing him off made me forget what feelings I’d had, and seeing him annoyed was a joy to me now.

“You’re being a real bitch today,” He had whispered to me over dinner one day, when I refused to hold his hand. Some people had seen me slide mine away as he’d reached out, and he hated that. It made him look needy, and that set him off.

“I’m only copying you darling,” I smiled innocently, aware of the constant eyes on us. He took a deep breath, trying so hard not to storm off then and there.

Rumours had spread of our initial spat in the common room, many first years having heard me shout at him, and since then we’d needed to up our game in order to make people think everything was fine between us.

“Leave me alone,” I would hiss when he sat with me in the library.

“You know I can’t,” He’d huffed, sliding a book away and throwing another one my way. I just dodged it hitting my head as he didn’t bother to look while chucking them around.

“Admit it,” I smirked when he sat back down beside me, intent on ignoring my looks. “You love spending time with me.”

His face had turned, closer than I’d realised we were, and he was blank as he stared back at me. It was like he was stuck there, watching me.

“You’re freaking me out,” I laughed, backing off and leaning back in my chair with a smirk.

-

Fred faced her, too close for comfort, and mulled over what she’d said. He knew she was joking but it was a bodily reaction. He did love spending time with her, even if everytime they were alone it was full of insults and bickering, it was worth it.

It was another side of her that he’d never experienced, but when she was mad at him or revelling in teasing him, y/n became hotter than ever before. Those glaring eyes being the best thing he’d ever experienced. Now that they argued he wasn’t scared to admit that to himself.

She’d leant back, mumbling something about him being ‘freaky’ and he returned to his book, the words irrelevant as he stared at the page thoughtlessly. He still hated her, despised her even, but it was a new feeling. He wanted her more now, which was annoying, but he couldn’t resist her.

Her hair had gotten lighter now that the sun shone outside, and she was wearing it up a lot more, showing off her features like she was a statue. He would put her in an art gallery, he thought about that a lot.

Her side profile was his favourite, because she couldn’t notice him stare then, but also because it showed off everything perfectly. The angle of her nose, the way her lips protruded out when she concentrated, her eyes flickering over a page rapidly.

Yes, he hated her more than anyone else he’d ever met, except maybe Cormac, but it was only because he loved every single stupid thing about her. It was an excruciating conflict.

-

“You really think he’s cute?” I screeched at Hermione as we painted each other’s nails, my hand was in hers as she shakily held the small brush. She’d briefly mentioned how Oliver Wood had come up to talk to her after the quidditch match the other night.

“He’s okay,” She laughed, blowing the varnish dry. “I think he was flirting with me,”

“Oh my goodness Mione, he’s an older boy.” I teased her.

“Stop it, you can’t laugh at me when you go on and on about Lee Jordan.”

“I do not!”

“Oh isn’t he sweet mione, look he’s smiling!” Footsteps sounded on the stairs leading to our room, but Hermione was too busy doing her impression to hear it. Fred stood in the doorway as she carried on, frowning at her. “God! Mione, do you think Lee’s good in bed.”

She laughed even harder after seeing the boy watch her. He seemed to have caught onto what she’d been doing and rolled his eyes.

“Ron said he’s heading to do the charms essay,” He grunted, watching her gasp and jump up.

“Oh god I forgot, I’ll be back later y/n sorry.” I just smiled, watching her hurry to collect her books and run off.

Fred stayed in the doorway.

“Are you his little messenger now?” I mocked him with a baby-like voice.

“Shut the fuck up,” “Oh no of course, you’re way too dumb for a job like that.”

“Do you really think Lee would ever like you?” He tried to stab at me, crossing his arms.

“So you’ve resorted to eavesdropping now?”

“You’re not even good enough for him.” He ignored me.

“Are you getting jealous?” I laughed. “Scared of losing your boyfriend, or worse… your fake girlfriend.”

His eyes were dark and looming. But it didn’t last long as Fred got bored of the teasing and left without a single word. I felt as though I’d won, hearing his footsteps go away again as I laid back on my bed with a sigh of relief.

-

The next day, there was yet another quidditch match which Hermione begged me to go to with her. I agreed, forgetting that I would have to cheer on Fred as he flew around. I almost puked on the spot when he blew a kiss my way. Hermione laughed her head off about it, starting to find our rivalry hilarious.

It luckily didn’t last forever, Harry being the one to end it with the snitch clutched between his fingers. I thanked god, as it was freezing cold up in the stands, and headed down to the pitch with Mione to be with the other Gryffindors celebrating the win.

Lee waved at me across the crowd, coming over to tell me a message for Fred. I smiled, nodding and not listening to a single word he said, I was never going to pass it on. But I could see Fred in the distance watching the two of us talk. He was furious, fists clenched, but I just smirked over at him while Lee wasn’t watching. I shivered, having forgotten my coat.

“Oh here, have this.” The boy in front of me took off his own and wrapped it round my shoulders kindly. “I’m heading inside now anyway, just leave it with Fred.” I thanked him as he left, heading over to Fred with a very smug smile on my face.

“Proud?” he asked me, deadpan.

“Of you? Always!” I faked, giving him a hug and leaning into his ear. “Still think I’m not good enough?”

-

Fred had wanted to punch the boy on the spot, and he would have done so if there weren’t so many people around. It gave her even more confidence now, to act as though she was the one controlling things, which made him boil up by the second.

Later that night, when no one could find y/n or Lee, Fred decided to search alone for them. If he could find them together, he could finally have a good enough reason to be angry at her. But the fear of finding them with his hands all over her made the boy feel sick.

-

“Y/n?” She had hoped no one would find her here again, Harry’s invisibility cloak folded beside her in case she needed to hide from Cormac again. But it was Lee, standing at the top of the hill calling down to her. She walked up to him, confused as to why he was here.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, of course.” I grinned at him. “Thank you for lending me your coat earlier, I left it with George.”

“Oh right,” He seemed confused.

“Is something wrong?”

“I just - are things with you and Fred okay? He doesn’t mention you much, I was actually kind of surprised when you two got together.”

“Why’s that?”

“You know, he was useless with girls-” I laughed, it just slipped out before I could hold it. “Then he just ends up with you out of nowhere.”

“Uh yeah, I guess so but he just had a bit of courage.” I lied.

“I’d had my suspicions about him, I’d never thought he would ever end up asking you though. Thought he’d keep it hidden like all of his other crushes.”

Fred had a crush on me beforehand. None of it made sense, how could he be this riled up over everything I did if he used to crush on me. Before I had a chance to think over it at all, another voice sounded, coming down the track towards Lee and I.

“Y/n” Speak of the devil, Fred had venom on his tongue as he spat out my name. “Where have you been, I’ve been looking.”

“I’ve been here,” I smiled innocently, but he didn’t reciprocate, unbothered by his anger in Lee’s presence.

“Well I need to talk to you,”

“Okay I’ll come in later.” I liked seeing his face change as I pushed his buttons. Lee was growing more and more uncomfortable as Fred became more and more furious at me.

“No. Now.”

“I’m gonna go back,” The third wheel spoke quietly, excusing himself to walk quickly off.

“Now look what you’ve done,” I teased, turning and heading back down to the lake.

“Are you enjoying this?” He shouted after me.

“Very much so,” I laughed, making him grunt and follow.

“You’re a bitch, you know that?”

“And you’ve always hated me, so what difference does it make?” I whipped round, the water closer behind me now.

“I have my reasons,” He scoffed, managing the fury a little better now as I stared at him.

“Good for you.” I spun round, eyes on the moonlit water as it rippled gently.

“I don’t want Lee,” I admitted in the dark, not daring to look at him as he came to my side. “He’s too nice.”

“Of course he’s too nice for you.”

“Stop it.”

“Why, don’t you like when I tease you for once?” He huffed.

“Just shut up, I’m sick of the sound of your voice.”

“You’re sick of me?” He seemed genuinely mad at this, his breath faster as he started ranting. “I am so sick of you, it’s unbearable. I’m bored of spending every single day acting all lovey-dovey just so you don’t get harassed. I wish I didn’t have to look at you, honestly, you’re stupid fucking face.” He pushed me slightly, making me stumble back and stare at him. “Oh god everything about you is just disgustingly perfect, don’t you realise!” He shouted out, like I was deaf. “I can’t stand being around you, because all I want to do is fucking kiss you and keep you away from any guy who dares look at you. Then here you are, sneaking around with my friend. God, you get everything you want like it’s easy and I’m here doing all I can to convince myself that I actually hate you.” There was a silence as I took in what he’d said.

“You’re a slut.” He spat. I smacked him across the face, a sharp slap that echoed in the cold air. His face flew to the side, a small scratch appearing on his reddened cheek where my ring had caught him. He looked up at me, a look of horror fading as he looked down at my lips desperately. “Kiss me,”

I grabbed his face roughly, his hands grabbing me tight as if I’d try to run away. But I wouldn’t dare, not after feeling his lips. They were perfect, and intoxicating and I couldn’t get enough of them as much as he kissed me back like his life depended on it. I ran my fingers through his hair, moaning at the sounds it created from him. He spoke quickly, not wanting to pull away for a single second.

“What’s wrong with us,” He’d gasped, hands now roaming across my body. I pulled back, making him frown at me with confusion.

“I love you.” I told him, the words coming out like I was under a spell. “I’m sorry for acting like a bit-”

“Don’t you dare say it,” He grinned, grabbing my face and kissing me even harder than before. “You’re perfect, even when you hate my guts.” I chuckled, feeling vulnerable in his hold but loving it all at the same time. “I’m sorry that I hid the truth.”

“Shut up, and kiss me.”

He laughed at my urgency, picking me up and making me squeal, my lips still interlocked with his own. I moaned still, loving the feeling of having his body pressed right up against me, and I could tell that we both needed more. Fred pushed himself against me and I gasped.

“The boathouse.” I begged and he nodded.

[bre-meister]

This is gonna hurt, but “Why can’t you just look at me for one god damn second!” and/or “Let go of my hand” for cleon :’)

So this story is completely self-contained and is not affect/doesn’t affect any of my other stories or the “canon” universe that I have created in my own little brain.

It does take place in the time period after Leon’s mission at the beginning of Vendetta but before his mission with Chris.

He’d known about her upcoming mission for a while now. He should have had time to come to terms with it. All things considered, it wasn’t that bad. Terrasave’s work was mostly done after all the fighting and bloodshed had ended. With the amount of armed, trained guards patrolling the area, Claire probably couldn’t be safer. And yet, his mind still ran rampant with images of monsters and men and traitors. All of them always end in the same way - Claire bloody and lifeless on the ground.

So, when it came time for her to leave that night, Leon couldn’t find it in him to let her go.

“Stay” he’d said. One simple word that held so much weight.

“Leon, you know I can’t. I’ll be back in no time.” She’d responded candidly, leaving a gentle kiss on his lips before attempting to pull away.

Claire was used to dealing with a pouty Leon when leaving for an assignment. She assumed this time was no different. He’d complain, they’d go back and forth for a bit, she’d kiss him and then he would let her go so she could do her job and return to him. Sweet and simple. This time, however, was neither sweet nor simple.

This was the part where Leon was supposed to let go, except he didn’t. Confusion flooded Claire’s features while Leon’s hardened with seriousness. 

“I’m not joking Claire. Stay. Don’t go. It’s dangerous.”

“It’s always dangerous Leon but that’s never stopped us before.”

He was resolute both with his words and the way he was holding her - like if he loosened his grip at all she’d be ripped away from him forever.

“Well, maybe it should.”

 Claire stepped as far back as his tight hold would allow. Looking up at his face Claire saw a look in Leon’s eyes she’d never seen before. Hearing the great Leon Kennedy talk this way was unsettling.

“Leon, you don’t… you don’t mean that. You’re just tired from your last mission -”

“No, Claire, I mean it.” his arms moved from around her waist and up her arms until he was holding her just below her shoulders. 

His grip was tight, squeezing as if he could forcer her to understand without words.

“I’ve never meant anything more in my life.”

“Leon,” Claire began slowly as if talking to a wounded animal and, in some ways, Leon was.

“Leon, let me go.”

“Not until you tell me you’ll stay.”

“Let me go.” was all she repeated.

He huffed but let go of her. Immediately she turned her back to him and, for some reason, that only seemed to agitate him further.

“You know I have to go. It’s my job to help..” 

“Then help from here. Help from home. I mean, stuff like this probably comes with a shit load of paperwork right? Why can’t you do that? Stay here where it’s safe - where I can keep you safe! Please”

Claire turned to speak over her shoulder but she still wouldn’t look at him directly. Leon could feel a part of himself breaking - he knew what was coming next.

“You know that’s not possible Leon.” Claire sighed, “ We all know it’s more than just a job,” Leon knew that the all she was referring to were the people that made up their little family of survivors, “It’s a duty. It’s our duty to put an end to this. This assignment is my duty, Leon. You know I have to go. I can’t believe you’d ask me not to.” 

Claire began to move around the room gathering her things. Leon watched silently as she put on her signature red jacket and a pair of sneakers. He called her name when she moved to grab her purse, checking it for her phone and keys. He begged her to turn around but she only made to move towards the door and the small suitcase that awaited her there. 

“That doesn’t sound like you, Claire. That sounds like something Chris would say.”

Claire paused at the mention of her brother but still refused to look at the broken man behind her.

“And what if it is. If Chris said it or not it doesn’t make it any less true.”

At that, he snapped.

“Look at me Claire, look me in the eyes and tell me this life is what you want and not what Chris is making you believe you want.”

She didn’t turn around. Instead, she continued to stare at the door as if it were personally insulting her. 

“Why can’t you just look at me for one goddam second!” His cry was loud and desperate. He saw her flinch at the severity in his voice and, quite honestly, he’d scared himself a little too. He’d never talked to her that way before.

That seemed to be a recurring theme tonight.

“I can’t look at you, Leon, because I know if I did I’d be too weak to do what needs to be done.”

“You mean to leave. You’d be too weak to leave. The world doesn’t need you to save it all the time Claire. Please, don’t go.” 

At that, Claire turned to look at him. He’d hoped when their eyes finally met there would have been love and understanding flowing through those blue irises. Instead, it was a burning determination, and immediately, Leon knew he should have chosen his words more carefully.

“ Oh, so the world doesn’t need me? But you and my brother, it needs you? You get to keep risking your life, right? It’s ok for you but not for me. “

Claire abandoned her spot at the door and made her way towards him still firing off questions she had no intention of allowing him to actually answer.

“Why are you so adamant I stay Leon? Hmm? I never try to stop you when you get a new mission. I never tell you how much it hurts to see you walk out that door every time never knowing if it will be the last time I see you. I never tell you because I know how much your job means - to you and for, well, everyone! So I let you go despite how much it scares me, despite how much it hurts!

“I thought you were proud of me Leon, I thought you supported me! What happened to what you told me during Harvardville? Why -”

“Because I just lost my whole team, Claire, and I can’t lose you too!”

The sudden outburst sent her into a bout of silence.

“I can’t - “ his voice broke, “I wouldn’t be able to survive it.”

He felt heavy and tired. Leon couldn’t hold back the tears anymore as he fell to the floor, crumbling in on himself.

“I can’t” he whispered over and over, “I can’t.”

“Leon,” in an instant Claire was at his side.

“Is that what - you never told me. I knew it was hard but…” Claire didn’t know what to say.

“I didn’t want you to know. How could I tell you I failed, Claire. How could I tell you I let all my men die when I’m supposed to keep you safe?”

“Leon.” His voice was solid, the pillar that he needed right now to lean on. 

Claire grabbed his face, pulling him up to look at her this time. 

“ I’ve never doubted one moment that you wouldn’t do everything in your power to keep me safe. But it’s also my job to keep you safe. Let me help you, Leon, open up to me.”

“I’m sorry,” was all he managed to get out through the tears.

“It’s ok.”

Leon opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a shrill sound coming from Claire’s bag by the door.

“Shit!” she cursed, as she got up quickly to silence the offending object.

“Fuck, it was Neal. He’s probably wondering where I am.”

“It’s ok. You need to go.”

“Leon,” Claire turned to see Leon was now leaning against the couch, still on the floor but now upright.

“I can’t. Not right now.”

“The world needs you.”

“You need me!”

Her protest died at Leon’s signature smirk. It didn’t look quite right on a face red and swollen from tears.

“Funny how the tables have turned.”

“I’m serious, Leon. This is serious. I’m going to call Neal back and tell him that something with family just came up and I can’t go.”

“No, you’re going to call Neal back and tell him that you’re running a little late, but you’re on your way.”

The look Claire gave was unamused. Leon knew she wouldn’t want to leave him, not after what had just happened. But, she was right earlier - this was her job, her duty. She needed to go.

After a long moment, Claire seemed to have come to the same conclusion. With a sigh, she made her way back to him.

The kiss they shared was long and slow, filled with all the thoughts and emotions that were both said and unsaid. When they broke apart, Claire rested her forehead against his. Leon closed his eyes, relishing in her presence as long as he could before she inevitably had to leave.

“I love you, ok?”

“I know. I love you too, Angel.” Leon felt more than heard Claire sigh at the use of his favorite nickname for her.

“I’ll be back. I promise. And you better be here when I get back.”

“I promise.”

They shared another kiss before being interrupted by Claire’s phone again.

Claire was able to answer this time, repeating the message Leon had told her to earlier. When the call ended, Claire made her way back to the door.

“See you later, Leon,” she called as she turned the knob.

“See you later. Claire” he answered before the door closed behind her.

Neither mentioned the fact that Claire chose ‘see you late’ over ‘goodbye’. They both knew why though, and Leone was grateful. He wasn’t sure he could handle a goodbye; see you later was just bearable. And still, neither mentioned how, as Leon promised, he couldn’t look Claire in the eyes. 

Eventually, Leon made his way to the bathroom to clean up. When Claire did return because that was the only option - when - he’d never be able to admit that he couldn’t even look himself in his own reflection as he called Hunnigan. Some time away would do him good. At least, that’s what he told himself as he requested Hunnigan make him a reservation somewhere far away and secluded. Somewhere no one would be able to find him.

[xavadak3davrax]

Is Forever Real or Some Fairy Tale Thing? / Fred Weasley

Prince Fred- Part 4

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader

Warning: Smut (18+), Explicit language, Angst, Fluff. Theres female receiving oral, there’s the sex part itself. (anything I might forget warn me please)

Taglist: @manuosorioh @itsbebeyyy

Summary: Things have to get complicated before they can get better. Will they both be up for such changes?

a/n: This is the last part of Prince Fred and I just wanna say thank you so so much to everyone who has been here with me! It makes me so happy so many people have enjoyed this. After this I think might write lawyer!George because that idea has been eating me up since I started Prince Fred. So if for some reason you would like to read that keep an eye out 😊 Also sorry for any mistakes! 

This is 8.8k words

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 

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y/n has been avoiding Fred. Fred hasn’t been avoiding y/n, he is being avoided by her, which he doesn’t like, not even a little bit. He has been trying to catch her attention, catch her alone but is wasn’t been easy. He’s also been doing this for a week, so his unsuccessful tries have been driving him up the wall. He wants to know why, did he do something wrong? Has he said something he shouldn’t? he’s completely lost.

Every time he’s trying to have a moment with her it seems like she’s always prepared, and never comes alone. She doesn’t come alone to his room anymore when it’s time to prepare his things. She makes herself accompanied by Martha. They’re the same age and for what he had seen for a few weeks now they have started a strong friendship. They both stay and no matter what he says or tries to do Martha never leaves y/n’s side, not even strict orders from Fred. Something about “we have rules to comply from Agatha your highness”, it always comes from Martha in a louder voice than he thinks he’d never heard y/n speak to him (not including the time a week ago where he had fucked her in the tub, but that’s besides the point.)

So all is attempts have left them standing alone in the middle of his room, or where ever he tries to get her attention. It also doesn’t help that he gets married in exactly a month time and every chance his mother, Molly, gets him alone is to prepare for the wedding. Stupid, goddam wedding, it will be dammed. His future eye has left with her mother to come back days before the wedding , and would think that was good, but Fred doesn’t think it is, because this whole thing is stupid and he only wants to have one person and one person only in his life.

y/n. That’s the girl he wants, we desires the most. He has had strong feelings for her for way longer than he thinks possible, and after what they both had that day it only got stronger and Fred wishes with all his might he could have her, cherish her and lover her for the rest of his life.

He could marry some princess from some far away kingdom without knowing, but people would think less of his for marrying someone they considered poor? His subject? All stupidity, utterly and complete stupidity. He was sure his heart was now beating for y/n, for her smile, the way he smile made his heart skip a beat every time she showed it, even if only for a brief second. Or the way he heard her laugh when she was doing her work and talking to her friends they would talk, say something funny and she would laugh graciously making his body tingle. Her touch, soft and gentle like her soul.  He knew her better then he was sure he would ever know his wife, the women he was meant to spend the rest of his life with.

“I don’t understand why you get to marry of love, and I have to marry out of it, mother.” Fred wished all this situation wouldn’t put a strain with his parents relationships but it was getting harder to not allow it to happen.

“Well, I don’t where that’s coming from my dear boy. If by now you would’ve settled with a gentle kind girl I would be more than welcome to her. But you decided to keep your love life on hold for way to long, you’re getting crowned in less than a month, you shall have to rule beside a woman who’s proper for it.” Molly said, taking in her hand her tea cup and taking a sip of it. It was just the two of them in the giant room. Arthur was way somewhere else in the castle taking care of important business.

“What if” the words got caught in his throat, was he really about to have this conversation with his mother? This could go either really bad or really good. He didn’t know how the last one would play out but he would like to see it happen. “What if there was someone.. you know- someone I found.” Fred had been avoiding looking at his mother, but now after he spoke this he looked her directly in the eye.

“Oh, well son, depends. Who is the this girl?”

“Does it matter mother, to you? Does it matter if she’s rich or poor?” Fred didn’t meant for his words to come out defensive but that’s how they came out. He didn’t even know where he got all the courage to speak of this, now more than ever, since y/n wasn’t even on speaking terms with him and what if she didn’t feel anything for him, then this conversation would surely go to waste.

“In my eyes it wouldn’t matter, my dear, if you love her then that’s all need.” Those words took Fred aback, so there was still hope? “Love is a very powerful thing, and you should not deny it ever. If you love that girl, then you should go for it.” Fred gave his mom a puzzled look.

“If you haven’t noticed, I am to be married in a month mom.” Fred stated, putting his hands on top of the table and crossing them.

The smile his mother gave him made the hope inside him grow. “Oh my son, have I not, in all these years, taught you not even one thing?” Fred just gave her a look. “If you love her, like you say you do, and for you to keep all this mystery from me, your own mother I can only imagine she’s no princess. Besides how could she be? Unless you had fell in love with your suppose future wife who you spent a total of five minutes with, all the time she was here. But I can make things work with your father. He loves you has much as I do and your happiness comes above all things. You marrying this princess has nothing to do with wealth, or business like we’ve said. We just needed to justify it to everyone else son. This is for image, we do not want you ruling without a woman by your side. You’re going to need her judgment, believe me I can see from your father.” The both laughed at that, and the smile on Fred’s face only grew. “It may make our image fragile for a while, for her kingdom at least, but nothing a good afternoon tea won’t solve. Has to out people they will love know the Prince himself had his eyes on a beautiful girl.

Fred blushed slightly, your face appearing on his mind and maybe his mind started to imagine a future with you. It had him feeling some type of way.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Fred questioned looking at his hand, a little embarrassed and then after a few moments looked at his mother.

“I am. At least you had the decency of telling me a month before the wedding and not on the day of the wedding. That would’ve been way harder to pull of. But now, if you don’t mind me asking, who is this mystery girl?”

“She’s… She is amazing. We met a while a go on one of my trips to the market.” He started, and then he went on for what seemed like an eternity sharing every detail of what he could and knew to be appropriate to share with his mother.

“I will speak to your father, it might take some work but we’ve been married along time and I know he will come around, now you son have a hard job to do. Talk to y/n. go find her and fix your mess.” Molly smiled, she hadn’t even finished talking and Fred was already up, he went around the table, kissed her on her forehead gently and then he was out the door and roaming the castle in search of you.

Since he was not in his chambers and not in need of your presence, he knew you’d be doing some other job Agatha had pointed out. He asked around, people barely looking him in the eye when they didn’t know the answer. But after a few good twenty minutes, or what felt like it, he found you, alone, in the stables. His head started spinning, he was lucky, not only had the conversation with his mother gone wonderfully, he now caught you alone?

You didn’t hear him approaching, since you were busy brushing Apple, his horse.

“y/n.” His voice startled you. You whipped around, eyes big and your hands started trembling.

“Your Grace.” You spoke quietly. You didn’t want to keep eye contact with him for long periods of time so your turned to his horse again and kept on brushing her.

“It’s just us, you don’t have to keep the formalities. I’m lucky finding you here alone, been trying to do that for what seems like an eternity.” He laughed, and hopes she would somehow join in, but was met only with silence. “I don’t know what I did to upset you y/n, but I wanna truly apologize for anything I might’ve said or done to keep you way from me. I- I miss you.” His voice came out gently. She kept silence for a while, she had no words. “Please say something.” He begged. He slowly approached her, trying to somehow not frighten her has if she was something fragile.

She breath in deeply, knowing what was to come would be harsh on her. “Ok, if you want me to say something on the matter I will.” She turned around and looked at Fred. “We can’t do what we did in your chambers. That should’ve never happened. Never. It was a mistake. You are to be married and she was in the castle waiting for you to be present in the meetings and we were fucking in your bathroom.” The vulgar language left her mouth and made her cringe a little. “Also if you haven’t noticed, I am one of your people, someone you are to rule over in a short period time, and I also work for you. We are not equals, we are never to be equals and I am never to be even close to what you are.”

“What I am?” Fred was confused.

“Yes, royalty. Or you think being born like you are is being born like I am? It’s not Fred. What we did was a mistake, a one time mistake.” y/n’s voice came out a little strangled, and she was holding in her tears. Oh how it hurts her to say all of this. To deny him. The man she didn’t know she would love the way she loves. He has her whole heart, right in the palm of his hand, and he knows it. But they can’t do anything about it.

“y/n please, please don’t say that.” Fred finally closed the space between them, his hands came to rest on her arms, very carefully. “I love you, and we can be together, my mom knows about us, she’s working for us to be together, Princess.” He had a sweet smile on his face and caressed her.

y/n felt the scariest feeling inside of her and her first instinct was to get way from him.

“What? What have you done? No, that can’t happen. You cannot go back on your duty as Prince. You can’t just let everything go because you were stupid enough to fall in love with me. That’s not how it works.” The words were harsh coming out of her mouth, and they left Fred very hurt but he wasn’t backing down from this.

“I am not stupid for falling for you, that is not stupid. Loving you, falling for you in such s short amount of time was the best thing that’s happened in my life. I am not ashamed of that, and it can happen. It can if you love me to.” Fred was sure he got her there. They loved each other, for sure what they had was a lot to speak on the matter, They were made for each other. Something Fred had read in some books from his giant library, about what some called soulmates. They were rare to find. He knew his parents were soulmates, and he was lucky to find his.

He was taken by surprise but what y/n spoke next. Some steps started to be heard behind him, whoever came in was not as silent had he had been to sneak up on y/n.

“I do love you my Prince, I love you has my ruler and the man I believe in to lead this country. I have faith you and your wife will take us to many great places.” y/n said, and then she pulled herself from his embrace, and the fixed her hair slightly and tried to compose herself when she saw a bit of black hair coming from behind Fred. Martha.

“y/n I’m sorry it took me so long. Have you finished apple? If yes we can move to the kitchen. Your highness.” She looked at the prince and then at y/n. y/n nodded, looked at Fred one last time and then walked out with Martha.

Fred was left there standing, alone and speechless. Tears coming to wet his red cheeks. He let his mind wonder for the last few minutes he had with her. And then he made up his mind. He wouldn’t let this take him down. He knew she loved him, he could feel it, he could see it. He had time, although ticking, he would give it all, to have her

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Getting y/n’s attention and fighting for her was proved to be harder than he thought. Every where he looked Martha was there and it seemed that since his encounter with y/n in the stables it seemed she now never left her side. So Fred had to resort himself to his mother, and ask her for some favors.

Had her give out some orders that would all of a sudden make Martha needed In other places. Jus so she wouldn’t always be close to y/n. Somehow, he still had some difficulty. Fred was staring to think of some romantic way he could make this work.

y/n had stopped working in his chambers, so it was hard to see her. When he asked for her, she was always to busy to come to him.

y/n on the other hand had taken many other jobs on the castle to feel in for not working for Fred anymore. Not much changed, she just didn’t get to see him everyday like she did before. She would lie if she said he wasn’t the best part of her day. She had also been thinking a lot about their conversation. She had gone home that day crying like crazy, and it was her mother who, even though she was very tired, had talked to y/n, and held her like she did when she was little. She had also made y/n understand that you cannot play with love. It’s not something you can deny they she had done. That’s not how love works, her mother had said.

Every little task she did around the castle never made her forget that dammed conversation. It was always there feeling every thought she had. Along with Fred’s touch, his moans and his face of pure bliss had he rode out his high, how she felt his legs shake underneath her and she felt so good, there, on top of him. Fred was y/n’s every constant thought. She loved him dearly, not has her prince. She loved that man and she wished very much she could’ve said that to him, but she would only ruin an entire kingdom with such words.

So she was doing her life the best she could, the days passing along and her mind trying to work trough this. She couldn’t leave the castle, she was making good money out of this. Leaving just because she was stupid enough to fall for him would be an even stupider decision.

This morning she had been doing laundry, she was putting it out in the bright sun to dry. She was doing this alone since martha was now requested a lot for other small things. She was humming along to the song she had heard the other day, some guard was singing it quite loudly. She didn’t have a smile on her face, but how could she? She had nothing to be happy about, only grateful. But those aren’t equals.

She felt a tap on her shoulder that scared her a little. It was a boy who worked with them, not directly with her, but he was in the kitchen and he was also the one who always left y/n the best left overs of food.

“This is for you.” He stretched a piece of paper to her and as soon as she took it in her hands he left, not giving her time to ask from who it was.

Her royal majesty The Queen, requires your presence for afternoon tea, at four o’clock in the greenhouse.

A paper from her majesty? For her nonetheless? She must be dreaming. She rubbed her eyes and then looked at the paper again. She was not dreaming. Did she even have a outfit that it would be appropriate to wear to tea with the queen? She was not working at that hour today, but would she have time to go home find something and come back?

She didn’t have the answer now but soon would figure it out.

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At exactly four y/n was there. The guards already knowing her well since she was always a bright spirit around and had left her mark there very early because of how nice she was, opened the door and she entered trying to make her presence almost not felt has she found the queen sitting at the top of the table.

“Your majesty.” She gestured towards the queen and when she smiled, retributed saying hello and pointed towards the chair she went to sit.

“I’m very honored about this.” y/n said with a small smile on her face as she looked at the queen, now sitting one her right side.

“Oh, dear, no matter, no matter. I wanted to talk to you. If you feel like I’m allowed.” She said calmly, pointing to the tea and giving y/n permission to serve herself. Knowing where this would lead and without knowing very well what to say she nodded so she could continue. “I know about you and my son.”

“There’s not much to know, your majesty. He is always very kind to me and I’m forever in his debt.”

“Well, if that’s so, then why deny him when he proclaimed his love for you at the stables.” With that y/n was taken by surprise. She knew the queen would know something if after all she was has close t her son had Fred had described to her on one of the many times she was preparing his things and he was his chatty self. When she didn’t answer Molly continued. “In this kingdom we value a lot of things. And as a mother I value my sons happiness above all. Now you may think this a big gesture for a queen to do for someone. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m doing this because he hasn’t been himself. I’ve seen many moods on my sons face, and many emotions. But this type of sadness was never one. I want him to be a great king like his father. And my dearest y/n do you know what makes a great king?” when she shakes her head ‘no’, the queen continues. “A lot of things, but you have to be above all strong, willing to do anything at your power to protect your people. A king also loves. And a king without a queen is not ever strong. No kingdom is any good if only a male ruler is on the throne. He loves you y/n.” with this last sentence molly takes the girls hand in hers and squeezes it gently.

y/n shyly looks down at her tea who all of a sudden is the most interesting thing in the room.

“So much. He only told me about you a very short while ago. But after that it’s the only thing he talks about. And everyday since the stables he shares with me how sad and mad he is that he not able to love you. He wants to show it to the world, that boy, oh that boy is just a joy.” She had proud in her voice and a dreamy happiness that made y/n feel things in her heart.

“I rejected him because I thought it wouldn’t be ok. Being who I am.”

“Fred has told me you tend to underestimate yourself. You are powerful, you are strong, and you are beautiful. Just because you weren’t born into money doesn’t make you any less. Money doesn’t make a person. The character makes them. I didn’t invite you here to convince you choose Fred, to go to him. I want this talk to make you understand who you are, why you deserve happiness and that also if you choose to come into our family we will take you with open arms. My husband may not be present but he supports you both just as much as I do.”

“But his wi-future wife,” she corrected quickly. “won’t she be mad? That I took her place? That I appeared from somewhere and was worthy of your sons love?”

“Don’t you worry about that. We will take care of that. Now did this conversation made anything clear to you?”

“Yes, it did. Makes me realize that this is so much more than we see outside these walls. There is so much more love and companionship, and I don’t have words to say. Makes me realize that I pushed Fred way out of fear. Fear that I won’t ever live to the expectations so many other princesses can give him. Fear that he will stop loving me one day. I pushed him way because I didn’t believe anyone would ever actually accept us. And look at us the way I would look at us, being that we would be together. But after this I understand I’m welcome, I can come clean to myself and admit my feelings for him.” She was feeling hot all over her body given that she was feeling nervous and a little shaky. So it was true, she did love him, she loved that red headed, tall boy. With his cheerful personality, his bright smile. Oh how she loved that boy.

Why did she try to deny herself that night? Why did she, thinking all the way back to the first time she saw him, think she would ever be able to not love him whole heartedly, even if she were to never see him again. She loves him very much.

“I think he might be in his chambers if you wanna look for him. But first why don’t you finish your tea and we can talk a little more? You seem nervous.” The queen gave her a reassuring smile, took the hand she still had on top of hers and then went to take a sip of her tea.

When finished y/n politely excused herself from the greenhouse. She took the way she knew so well towards his room and then looked at the guards for a moment. They were used to see her in her working clothes, not a dress like the one she had now. “I’m here to see the Prince.” She waited for them to resist her, but she was met with instead with hem opening the door, announcing her arrival and then a figure of a boy with a very messy hair, very tired eyes and his skin very pale appearing in front of her.

He had no words.

She was here. Why?

From the face he made y/n assumed he didn’t know what his mother had planned.

“Come in, please.” He pleaded, and the made way. He closed the door and then stood there, like a lost little puppy, his hands in his hair and he looked at her hopeful.

“I just had tea with your mother.” She said, a little laugh in her voice, still dumbfounded by that moment. “She talked me into coming her to express my feeling.” She turned around to face him, since she had been facing his unmade bed.

“Oh” that’s all he could muster up to say.

“Yeah, it takes moms for us to be able to do anything in life no? My mom also gave me a very big talk, similar to you mothers, but it’s not like I can do what my mom says when bigger things are involved.”

“I think you should’ve.”

She laughed, taking a step towards him. “I’m late, but I’m here now, if you still listen to what I have to say.” He didn’t say any words but nodded telling her like that, to continue. “I didn’t mean anything I said to you at the stables. I do love you and I don’t think it was stupid of you to fall in love with me, because then I should be stupid to for falling you. But I was scared. You have to understand where I’m coming from. That my mistakes will not be covered up like yours. My decisions have bigger consequences than yours would have. If I would’ve said yes without knowing anything else besides your love for me, I- I would’ve done it any other time. But I had my life on the line.” She admitted, a little hurt with herself for being to sincere and ending up coming to the realization that she might come out rude.

“I understand completely.” He wanted to move next to her, hug her and comfort her. But he felt at the same time that would be risky. So he waited until the situation presented itself.

“I love you and want you to know that the talk I just had with your mother didn’t make me realize that. I knew that, from the beginning even without knowing you I knew I would love you. You… you’re you. It just made me realize that I have your parents support on this, that I will not be an outcast.”

“I would’ve stayed with you with or without their support.”

“See, Fred,” she got even closer to him, it was her who touched him this time. He felt the tingles in his skin, from her touch, even through the lair of fabric he had. “That’s not how it should work. They’re your family and the most important thing. You also have a duty to a lot of people. I would not allow you to choose between me and your family, it’s not fair. But they chose me to come into your family, your mom gave me full permission to declare, proclaim myself to my love.” She tried to joke. Fred let out one of those nose laughs and took that as his chance to take her in his embrace. He hugged her so tight that she felt for a moment she couldn’t breath.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, my prince. For this life, and the next, and for as many lives as you’ll have me.”

Many would think that it was a small window of events that took them to fall in love. That in such a short amount of time it couldn’t have happened. But it did. They fell in love with each other, hey got to know the real people behind the masks. Fred got to realize that settling down was actually possible and that he wouldn’t mind this life after all.

She got to realize that she deserved to be loved, that she can achieve more in life that what faith had initially put out for her. That she had so much love in her and she couldn’t wait to share it with boy she hugged. The boy that made her, his forever.

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Everything has been going well with y/n and Fred. They have been going on so many dates together it’s actually amazing. On the first time after she proclaimed and accepted her love for Fred, he took her to the royal gardens. He had asked for some food to be made and they had a picnic. He waited till she had gotten of work to take her and then they stayed there until very late in the night.

The next time they had a date Fred took her riding. y/n had proclaimed her love for Apple, his horse, and so he saw only fitting to take her on a ride and let her have Apple for an afternoon. Only one, seen as Fred also loved Apple very much. They laughed it off.

Those were the two most special dates. But such thing even existed with Fred? Only two? He made sure every date was memorable. That she would remember every single one.

Behind the scenes his parents were working on negotiations with the Queen and the Princess. When finding out about everything they very fast made they’re opinions known about it. They felt betrayed and demanded the wedding to still happen. If that was a way to make Fred be scared it hadn’t worked. Whether they want to or not, the wedding was not going forward. So his parents had been extremely busy coming up with ways to ease the situation.

Fred wasn’t just going on dates with y/n, he was also helping his parents with everything on top of still preparing for his coronation. But above all he always made sure he had time for his princess.

But the work also kept her way for long periods of time and so in those, that’s when he would be keeping himself busy. Everyone around him had noticed the big change, Fred didn’t stay in his room all day. He would wake up early, go see y/n, since she was already working, and then he would go on about his day until she would be free to be with him.

y/n would spend the majority of her nights with Fred. Her parents were not very happy with it at first but they came around. They understood she was no child, she was also hardworking and they knew she wanted to be with him since he also busy and so they didn’t see each other like other regular couples would do. But then again they were not normal.

“Can you please stop looking at me like that?” y/n had a smile on her face, her hands were behind her back tying a knot on her dress, or at least she trying to. These dresses they gave her to wear were much difficult to put on then her normal working dress.

“I just think it’s funny, you’ve been trying to finish that for ten minutes now, and I offered to help and you said no. If you had let me you’d probably be done by now.” Fred stated, hands behind his head, while he was lying down on his bed, only in his underwear and legs spread.

“I will not accept your help because the chances of ending up naked in bed again is big, and I promised my mom I would go with her and by her a dress for your coronation.”

Fred smiled brightly at that. She would be there, front row seat to watch him. With her parents who he would probably meet on that day since y/n thought any day before that would be too early. He had made sure she had money to by her parents nice clothing and he was making sure she would be the most beautiful woman ever. So he was working closely with the royal tailors to make her the best dress.

“yeah, yeah, miss always right, is right.” He stated, while getting up from bed and draw nearer her to hug her but she stepped back. “Oh come on, I swear I only want to help, you need it.” He tried to hide the smirk on his face but it was almost impossible. His tall figure came up on y/n and he pus his hands on her waist to turn her around. he took her hands out of the strands and put his. His head came down to her neck where he left tiny pecks and kisses, feeling her skin tingle and a little laugh came out of her.

“You said you would help.” She warned, putting her hands behind again but this time to rest on his arms, squeezing them.

He murmured something inaudible before he finished what she was doing and then turned her back around to kiss her fervently, hands on her waist pulling her as close as he could.

“I love you. Tell you mom I said hi.” His arms left her waist to come around her neck and letting her face go straight to his chest, where she inhaled his flowery scent.

“I will. I love you my Prince.” They kissed each other and with one last ‘I love you’ from Fred she was out the door and onto her little adventure.

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The day of the coronation was pure chaos. Fred was needed everywhere since very early. He woke up alone today which didn’t really help his mood. y/n had slept at her parents since a carriage was going to pick them up a few hours before, ad y/n wanted to enter with them. Although Fred insisted she entered with his parents. So he hadn’t seen her in well over twenty four hours, since yesterday she was very busy in her last day of work.

After today she would leave the work and be next to Fred. Not as queen, and not as a married couple (yet) but has his girlfriend. He wanted her to help him in important decisions, and envolve her more in this life. Because, like he had promised, she would one day soon be queen, and they would be married, and so he wanted her with him since the beginning of his reign.

So it was clear the other wedding was taken care of, and they would never be heard from again, not after all the work and problems they tried to bring upon the. But Fred and y/n felt it was early to get married. They loved each other very much, but wanted to keep it like this for a while, also Fred would have so much to do as king that a wedding would be something, they felt he shouldn’t worry about.

“Have they gone and picked them up?” Fred was in a little pedestal, and turned to the mirror while a lot of people worked around him to finish the last touched on his clothing.

“Yes sir, the carriage left a few minutes ago. They should be here any minute.” He knew with the carriage they would be here any second and he wanted to see her before he was taken to the big event. So the people that surrounded him started working a little faster, and when he was ready he came down of the pedestal, and went to another room where he was alone for a some long minutes, until someone knocked on the door.

“Sir, Miss y/n and her parents are here to see you.” The guard announce and then pointed behind him with a gesture of his hand. y/n came almost running down to him. She was breath taking. The dress they had planned just looked amazing on her, contrasts with the color of her skin beautifully and accentuates her features in a staring way.

“Hi, sir soon to be king.” She murmured against his lips, hands in his neck pulling him into her.

“Hi Princess, I missed you. Haven’t seen you in a while.” He could’ve sworn this dress was only making it worse for him to take the sexual frustration he had built in him for the past day.

Her parents cleared their throats slightly, which made them separate and turn to them.

She proceeded to do the presentations, and from the shinny look her mother had on her eyes and the relaxes look her dad had, she knew they already loved him very much. Fred had spoken to her on some of the nights where they would talk and talk with no means to end, that he planned on helping her parents, but also help everyone even more than his parents did. He felt that still so much poverty existed, and he wanted to make sure people got the same opportunities and had better ones.

They couldn’t stay longer there. But just before they were to head out and leave Fred to prepare himself for the final minutes had Prince, y/n stayed behind for a little bit. Fred had his hand on hers and was kneading it a little looking at her with expecting eyes, since he knew the look she had.

The smile she made was mischievous.

“You better behave yourself out there, I have a special present for you for when we’re alone.” She let got of his hand, the promise hanging in the air has she left through the open door and left him standing there, words caught in his throat, hands now sweating and his cock twitching in his trousers. He was sure he was already forming a boner but didn’t want to dwell much on that thought given that of he would, an embarrassment was sure to happen in front of extremely important people, and probably the whole crowd.

Everything went well and by mid day Fred was now king. His parents now ‘retired’ has they liked to call it. By the time he hit his rooms he was tired, but felt so accomplished that the tiredness he felt was over come by a feeling of happiness.

Also how could he be tires when any second now his girl would be entering his room. He couldn’t believe he would be able to have her for as long as he wished. No more work she had to be at, at ungodly hours that would take her from him.

When the door opened and she entered, the beam on her face was huge.

“I am so proud of you, my king.” The words left her mouth with a little tease.

“I feel like, although I hate it when you call me anything major, king does sound very nice coming from that little dirty mouth of yours.” He put his hand behind his back, his posture becoming firm, instead of slumped over he was now tall and showing his dominant side. If y/n thought she could come in here and for once be in charge, she was very much mistaken and wanted to slap herself hard on the head for ever thinking that.

“And what will do if I don’t want to call you that? Or sir? Or if say you have no power over me?” her voice came a little louder than it usually came when they were in this mood. Was she defying him? Oh she was in for a treat.

“Well, I will make sure you are punished. But first I think I still have some type of present you so promised your king, am I wrong?”

Hearing Fred call himself king made her very weak and she had to close her eyes for a few second to come back to herself. She gave her the best smile she could and then turned around so her back was facing him and her hands came to undo her laces. Undoing them was way easier than doing them, that, she was sure of. The dress was soon on the ground and she was left and the most beautiful underwear he had ever seen.

y/n had made sure it was done precisely to her body, and also the color would be Fred’s favorite. A red, but not a bright red, but dark. It was something not every woman had access to. So for her to have such a piece on her, Fred knew she had been working with the tailor who had done her dress.

“So my naughty little Princess decided the best present to give her man would be the dirtiest most naughtiest lingerie ever seen?” She was going to turn around and face him, but he came up on her and pus his hands on her shoulders keeping her in place. “don’t even think of turning around.”

Her breath was uneven, her chest felt like it could burst. Just from his touch, and his voice along with the dirty words leaving his mouth, she felt tingles in her pussy, she felt warm and sticky and she needed his touch immediately. But she knew after what he pulled, that wouldn’t happen.  

“Do you also think I will let slip they way you smiled and made eyes at that stupid court boy? Few words and I bet you were hooked. You are just a little whore asking for attention.” His hands came down, from her shoulders to her arms, and then to her chest and belly, stopping just above her pantie line. “I can feel the warmth radiating from you, you don’t even have to speak, your body does that for you, just waiting to be touched.”

She nodded, unable to form any other words. While on of his hands came to touch her breast through the fabric of her bra, the other came inside her panties and he had barely touched her clit before she was restless in his hands and a moan was leaving his mouth.

“You have to be still and quiet, don’t want other people knowing some whore is pleasuring her king, do we know?” he pinched her clit between his thumb and index finger and the hand on her breast, left it, so it could come up to her mouth and shut it. Her hips kept moving, trying to find pleasure in it and get closer to Fred’s touch, since every time she had some it wouldn’t last long, he would take his hand way, leaving her wanting more.

His hand lowered a little to touch her wet slit and his fingers played with it for a little, the moans from her were sinful. He entered a finger, a moan now coming from him. His cock feeling strained in his trousers as the pleasure built in him. “so tight princess, even after all the times you’ve had my cock, you are still this tight. I keep stretching you out. Not complaining, love it when I can feel you stretch around my cock. You love it to don’t you?”

She nodded, and a little whine left her when fred took his hand out and seized any touch he had on her.

“I want you on the bed. On your hands and knees. Naked.” He added the last part when he saw her eagerly going to the bed still dressed. She stopped suddenly and started to get undress. Fred was also taking his clothes that now felt hot and heavy on him. He couldn’t stop looking at the beautiful woman in from of him. Was he a lucky, lucky guy to have her.

“You also have to understand I am in charge you shall not give me orders or provoke me. You knew we had an important day ahead and still decided to be a bad girl and get me hard before my coronation. Bad girl. But somehow I’m feeling extremely generous today and that my gift from you to me, besides this beautiful piece of clothing would be to eat your sweet little precious peach. No?”

y/n, now in the position asked, felt her vision go white for a few seconds, like it would if she just had a mind blowing orgasm, but this time still far way from it. She nodded violently, the need to turn around and look at him there, but she put an end to that thought before he changed his mind.

Fred came up to the bed, on his knees, his cock aliened with her entrance perfectly and he could just slip right in. But he wouldn’t do that just yet. Although that wouldn’t stop him from teasing her, his hand on his cock, sliding it all over her pussy, her juices messy all over her.

“Fred, please.” His hand came down to slap her clit, the friction made her scream, the little pain she felt overcome with pleasure. “My king, please.” She felt like she wasn’t there presently anymore. The pleasure so much, that everything felt unreal.

Fred laughed mockingly and before swiping one more time he got down in a position where he would be comfortable and on eye level with her pussy.

“Such a beautiful cunt my girl has. All mine, forever. That’s better than becoming a king. Having you has my play toy.” His fingers came to brush her clit, he put pressure in it. Is other hand on his cock, his movements a little fast, his breath showed that.

He took his hand out of his cock so he could plunge two fingers into her warm sweet pussy, both moaning deliciously at the contact. His other hand kept qorking on her clit a little faster this time. She was closing in on him, her pussy spasming at each thrust of his fingers. Her hands clenching the bed sheets.

“I fucking love you so much.” She managed to let out, her hips coming to meet his fingers. Fred looked astonished at the sight.

“Yes baby, that’s it, fuck yourself onto me.” She encouraged. The fact that he didn’t say it back didn’t bother her, not when he had to fingers in her, fucking her quickly and efficiently, and a hand on her clit. She continued to fuck herself on his fingers. She started to get very stiff, her body announcing her orgasm.

“Come for me sweet girl, give all you got.” He murmured, his mouth close to her and when her orgasm hit her, he took his fingers out and put his mouth on her mound instead prolonging her orgasm with his mouth and at the same time being able to taste her sweet nectar.

She was breathing heavily, her hands unclenching the sheets, her eyes still closed and the feeling of starts still around her. When she opened her eyes took her a few seconds to adjust and come back to him.

“you always do so good for me. It always amazes me.” He said. He was again on his knees, his hand on his cock, moving up down and gripping the head of his cock making his eyes roll a little. He watched as y/n got from her position and was now looking at him. Her nipples hard and a little red from the friction she had on the bed. She took her hand out to push his away and put hers there. It started slow, making sure to never break contact with him.

“Thank you, my love.” She murmured, coming near him to give a kiss to his lips. Not knowing what to do with his hands they ended up on her breast, he loved them so much, they were just what he always needed to comfort him at night when he couldn’t sleep.

His mouth was hanging open, his eyes now a little close and he felt his high coming to crash down on him. His hand on top of hers abruptly to stop her.

“I wanna come in you.” He stated, opining his eyes to look at her, and when she nodded he pushed her without force to the bed. So she was laying her back on the bed.

He took her legs in his hands and advanced towards her, putting her legs on his shoulders. He knew how much they both loved that position, he had the perfect angle to her sweet spot and it was when she was the tightest to him.

Didn’t waist a second to be inside her.

“Fuck.” Her legs trembled under his hold. He entered at once, without any chance of previous adjustment. She was contraction tremendly around him. Her hands coming to squeeze her breast for added pleasure.

“I keep telling you, you were made for me. You are my other half, we fit perfectly in everything.” He thrusted against her, again, and again and again until he felt her spasming again. “Touch you little clit for me, give it some attention, needs it too baby.” He smirked, watching closely to one of her trembling hands leaving her nipple to come touch her clit.

The pressure of it made them both moan. She felt all the tingles in her body all her nerves hitting with pleasure. Fred felt her close in on him, his cock feeling all the pressure and he didn’t have time to warn her before he came. Hard. He filled her up with his cum, white spurts coating her walls and it seemed like it would never stop.

His orgasm encouraged hers and her pressure on her little increased, so strong clear liquid came out of her, covering her thighs, Fred’s stomach and his thick thighs. His eyes widen, his hands clasping her thighs with force to help himself from coming again if that was even possible. He called her name, when he looked at her eyes were all dilated, she was rolling her them a little, concern hit him.

“Baby please, come back to me.” He let her legs fall, and still inside her came to rest his hand on her face giving gentle taps. The movement of his hips made her moan, she tried to push him way. “I’m sorry princess, so sorry, just need to know you are ok.” He said gently, and when a small smile came to her face, her eyes coming back to life he sight in relief.

“I-I’m good Fred, I’m good. You just- Just gave me the best orgasm of my life.” She stated, hands coming to rest on top of hers. “I think after all you came you might knock me up or something.” She laughed a little, followed by him.

“Wouldn’t mind that at all.” He kissed her lovingly on the lips and then proceeded to came out of her. His cum leaving her too since her pussy was still spasming a little.

He laid down next to her, pulling her carfuly to his chest and wrapping his arms around her. Managed to pull the silk sheets to cover them and kissed her forehead gently.

“Thank you. “ She started, her voice still a little moony from the event that happened minutes ago. “This was amazing,” she was speaking in little breaths. “but today itself was brilliant, you shall be a great king and I’m lucky you chose me to be by your side every step of the way. I love you” She looked up at him, his eyes a little teary because the words she spoke hit every right spot (soft for that matter).

“I love you so much it hurts, knowing that I can have you, that I can have both things makes me the happiest man on earth. I shall give you everything good this life has to offer, I love you, tremendously.”

That is how their forever started. Well, it started a few weeks back, but this was official, everyone outside the castle now knew about them. The knew the girl who stole his heart. They would be happy for as long has they both shall want, the starts up above would made sure of that.  

[90slevi]

Arguments {Levi Ackerman x Reader}

TW: strong language

"What the hell do you mean?" you exclaimed, holding the sheet of paper in your hands in front of Hanji. She grimaced with a shrug, scratching the back of her head. "He's taken me off the expedition list?"

It was currently 6pm, and the sun was beginning to set; although you'd only planned to meet Hanji for a few minutes before dinner, it'd turned into a little more than just that. You'd just received the list of people going on the expedition in a week, and despite being on Levi's Squad, you'd been completely removed from the list. Instead of your name being alongside Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunther, you were nowhere. You hadn't even been put at the back!

"I dunno, I don't get told about this sort of stuff," she chuckled nervously, trying to not make you angrier than you were. "Although it is a bit odd that Erwin's removed you, out of all people. He never does that."

"Then why on Earth has he done it now?" you asked rhetorically, pissed off. As much as you enjoyed being safe inside the walls and not having to go on another traumatising adventure past the walls, you felt it was incredibly embarrassing to be removed for no reason at all while the others risked their lives for your future. "I mean, I doubt the Squad asked him. That'd just be ridiculous."

"I did see Levi go to Commander Erwin's office last night, so..." Hanji trailed off, realising she'd probably said something she wasn't supposed to.

You and Levi had been dating for about a year now, and while she knew for a fact the black-haired man would never directly upset you, it wasn't out of the ordinary for him to try and convince Erwin to remove you. He'd tried to do it last time, because the expedition before that had ended tragically. You'd almost been killed, and if it wasn't for him saving you from the jaws of a titan and almost breaking his own leg, you wouldn't be there in front of her.

After losing his best friends, Isabel and Farlan, in the past, she was sure he wasn't planning on losing you any time soon.

"That little shitbag," you muttered, wrinkling your nose.

You loved Levi. You really did. But removing you from the expedition list was so selfish you could hit him.

It wasn't up to him. He did not have the right to chose whether you risked your life for the greater good or not, and this was what you dedicated your life to. He was not allowed to force Erwin to remove you just because he was too selfish to see you go. Deep down, you knew what he was trying to do. He was just worried you'd get yourself killed, and he really loved you, but you were too angry to care about that. In your eyes, it appeared that he didn't trust you and he didn't believe you could do it.

"It might not be him!" Hanji suggested, an awkward smile on her face as she put her hands up in surrender. "Y'know, they could've been talking about something else!"

However, you ignored her and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind you. Hanji, sighing, face-palmed as she knew just what Levi was about to get into.

Walking down the corridor as calmly as you could, you looked at each office door and at the golden plaques, looking for Levi's name imprinted on one just to make sure you didn't go bursting into the wrong office ranting and raving. Eventually, when you found it, you took a deep breath and gently opened the door, not wanting to get into a full-blown argument with your boyfriend.

"Tch, can't you brats knock?" Levi asked, his voice blunt and monotone. However, when he noticed it was you, his eyes widened for a split second before returning back to normal. "Oh, hey."

"Levi," you begun, closing the door behind you as you tried to think of something to say. Levi looked down at the paper you were holding, and as soon as he realised what it was, he hesitated. You noticed this, and that was all the confirmation you needed to know that it was him who'd taken your name off. "Nice to know you've taken me off the expedition."

"I should've known you'd figure out it was me," Levi said sternly, standing up from his desk and slipping his quill back into the ink pot. "Look, let me explain-"

"No, I've already figured it out, thanks," you said sarcastically, slapping the paper onto his desk in frustration. "You don't think I'm good enough to survive out there, do you?"

Levi was silent.

"I've noticed the training exercises for me have become... different than the others," you continued, your mind going back to the small yet significant differences in your training schedules than people like Petra. "You've tried it before, to get me off the expedition lists just so I don't get hurt."

"Y/n, I have a reason to do that," he tried to say, but you continued in your rant. "If you'd just shut up for two seconds-"

"I couldn't give a fuck if I die or not, Levi," you said, wrinkling your nose as he rolled his eyes at your mini-outburst. "I specifically signed up for this just SO I could help out in the survival of humanity. You out of all people should know that! The amount of times I've told you why I want to do this and how much it means to me is insane. And if you're not going to let me do what I need to do because you're too scared I'll die, then... well, I dunno! It's just unfair!"

"Are you done yet?" Levi asked, his voice rising as he glared intimidatingly at you. It wasn't something you were scared of, but you knew you needed to shut up before he actually got angry. You closed your mouth and sighed, unable to look your boyfriend in the eyes. He leaned against his desk, rolling back his head as he tried to think of something that wouldn't upset you more. And, as everyone knew, he was not the greatest with words. "Listen, Y/n. And don't butt in until I've fucking done, got it?"

You nodded.

"First of all, I apologise for doing anything like that without your permission," he said, and your eyes widened at him for even saying sorry. "It was a stupid thing to do. But since your dumbass almost got fucking eaten, I don't want you to go on another expedition."

"But why!?" you exclaimed, your heart sinking. Levi glared at you again, and you quickly shut up.

"In all fairness, it is my own selfishness," he admitted quietly, only just loud enough for you to hear. "I'm not like precious Commander Eyebrows. He doesn't give two shits about who dies on the battleground, but I do. And I don't fancy one of my best soldiers getting murdered in a pointless expedition when I might need them in a more important one in the future."

"That's bullshit," you answered, and he raised an eyebrow. "Hanji and Mike are much better than me, and although they've nearly been killed multiple times, they still make the expedition list."

"That's because they're captains," Levi stated, his voice getting a little louder. "I don't have control over whether they make the list or not."

"Alright then, what about Eld? Gunther?" you asked, and Levi kept his mouth shut, unable to answer. "Exactly. Petra was almost stepped on last expedition if it wasn't for goddam Oluo, but she still makes the stupid list. She almost got crushed, too, but I get nearly eaten ONCE and now it's like I'm banned for good. If you're that bothered, just remove me from your squad altogether!"

"That's not what I want," he almost snarled, pushing himself off the edge of the desk and crossing his arms. "And you know that."

"Then what the hell do you want?!"

"For you not to die!"

A silence entered the room. Your mouth stayed agape as Levi stared at the ground, occasionally looking back at you with a glare that could slice through metal. Your heart pounded against your chest, adrenaline rushing through your veins, and you didn't know what to say.

"Ever since Isabel and Farlan, you're the only person I've managed to get this close to," he continued, quieter than he was before while his hands were stuffed into the pockets of his navy blue jeans . "I don't want to lose... the only family I have left. And I know that's unfair on you, but my selfishness got in the way."

"I... Levi," you said softly, wandering over to him and pulling him into a hug. He wrapped is arms tightly around your waist as he nuzzled his face into your neck, making you giggle when his warm breath tickled your skin. "I understand. I'm sorry for yelling."

"Me too," he replied, rubbing his fingers in circles on your back. Being this close to someone was an amazing feeling that he'd been missing for years and years, and because he didn't want to lose that, he'd decided to go out and do something you didn't want.

He remembered how he'd felt when he'd saved you from the jaws of a titan. You still had the scars on your stomach and back from the bite marks, and he couldn't get rid of the memories of watching you on the grassy ground, bleeding out as you went sickly pale and almost passed out. He'd hated every moment, including when he watched you get stitches in the hospital. Any one of those breaths could've been your last, and the anticipation he felt as he waited outside the ward room for you to wake up. You could've been in a coma. You could've died. You could've gotten brain damage so awful that you couldn't remember who the hell you were.

He didn't want to feel that ever again. Ever.

"I think if I were Captain, I'd do the same to you," you said, pulling away and taking his hands into yours. "I should've listened to you."

"I'll try my best to get Erwin to put you back on the Expedition list, if that's what you really want," Levi said, and you knew that by 'try my best', he meant 'if he doesn't, I'll beat the shit out of him'. He was very good at getting what he wanted. "But if you slip up like a total idiot again, I'll break your legs so you have a good excuse to not go next time."

As if he'd ever do that.

"Pfft, got it," you grinned, and he ruffled your hair before wandering back to his seat, presumably to finish off his paperwork. You pouted, unsure whether to stay here with your boyfriend or to go down for dinner. It was unlikely Levi would remember to get food; he usually was too focussed on his paperwork to get some or he just chose against it, so you usually bought some up for him.

"You look lovely today," Levi then said out of the blue, and your heart fluttered as a small smile appeared on your face. "You usually look beautiful, of course, but today, you look... really nice."

"Thank you," you replied, wandering over before planting a small kiss on his lips. "You look lovely too."

A chuckle escaped his lips before he looked down at his watch, taking note of the time. "Do you want to go down to dinner with me?"

"Sure," you answered, and once he stood up, he stretched out his hand for you to take. Overjoyed, you left the paper on his table and took it, your fingers interlocking just as he liked. He gave you a quick squeeze before adjusting the sleeves of his top and leaving the room, making sure to lock his office after leaving.

[darkshadow90]

A very long Rant about Loki’s nerfed sorcery in the MCU and his show

Hey guys I wanted to make a post about a big issue I had with the Loki show. I still really enjoyed it, but I also wanted to share a major criticism I’ve had with MCU Loki for a long time. All my feelings about this over the years came to roost after the season finale. I know things are really tense in the fandom right now, and I don’t hate the show. I just want to share my criticism. I want to talk about how I’ve had this issue for awhile before I talk about it in the actual show because I’m hoping I’m not the only one who’s kind of pissed, considering I was hoping to finally see it happen in his show, and that would be the fact that Loki’s sorcery is STILL so fucking nerfed. First though, I’m gonna talk about Loki’s nerfed sorcery in the MCU, and oh boy there’s a lot. Get ready for an overly long rant. I’ve really needed to get this off my chest.

I’ve been on the Loki train since the very beginning. I’ve loved him since the first Thor movie. I may have mentioned this before, but a big thing that always irked me about MCU Loki was how nerfed he was in terms of his sorcery. We’re always told how he’s a very powerful sorcerer and he barely uses his magic. He does one awesome thing in each Thor movie. In the first movie, in the end credits scene it’s implied Loki was influencing Selvig while he was in another  dimension. Is it ever mentioned or seen again? No. There’s a scene in Thor: The Dark World where right after he finds out about Frigga’s death, he destroys his cell using telekinesis. Does he ever use it to fight? No, and if he does it’s just to throw his knives at people LOL. Or in Thor: Ragnarok when he looked into Valkyrie’s mind and saw her memories. Odin also mentions that Loki put him under a spell, and Frigga would have been proud because it took Odin a long time to break the spell. It really would have been nice to SEE that happen, but no, we just get to be told about it. Every time I saw Loki use an awesome ability, I would think “Oh wow, that’s so cool! I can’t wait to see more. I can’t wait to see what else Loki can do!” And then the MCU is like, “Yeah Loki can do all these cool things. But were not gonna expand on his abilities, and this is the only time you’ll ever see him use them. You’ll never see them again so just forget you saw anything LOL” God it’s such an aggravating tease. 

This isn’t a new issue I’ve had with Loki being nerfed in the MCU. It’s always bothered me. Yes, I know certain characters being nerfed isn’t new, that Loki isn’t the only one. But to me he’s one of the most nerfed characters in terms of being able to use his magic. I would always mention to people that I didn’t like how nerfed he was. What was the point of telling us he’s one of if not the most powerful sorcerer in Asgard if he BARELY uses it? And they would say, “Well, they can’t make him as powerful as he is in the comics because then he’ll overshadow the heroes.” Okay fine, I can cut them some slack there as we did need to see the Avengers come together. Or they’d say “Not everyone reads the comics, so MCU Loki isn’t gonna be exactly like comic book Loki.” Okay, but people shouldn’t have to read the comics to see how powerful of a sorcerer Loki is. Is there some kind of unspoken rule that says if there are characters who use magic or sorcery in the MCU, only the heroes are allowed to be extremely powerful? Because Wanda and Doctor Strange still get to use their abilities, and in Wandavision, Wanda becomes even more powerful, and it’s amazing. 

Why can’t Loki ever use his powers? Because he’s a “villain?” What would be so bad about allowing Loki be the sorcerer he’s supposed to be? You mean Loki would actually be able to be a powerful villain? Sorry, but I don’t see how that’s a bad thing. I don’t think giving people more of a reason to love Loki is a bad thing. If anything, if they do read the comics, or are at least somewhat familiar with what Loki can do, they might be a little upset about how much the MCU has nerfed him like I was, and still am. Maybe if Loki was actually allowed to use his magic, he wouldn’t get his ass kicked all the time, and he’d actually be a threat to his opponents.

 I don’t think Loki really needed to use the Mind Stone to control people in the Avengers, he probably could've done it using his magic. I actually think it would’ve been cool if Loki used his sorcery to amplify the negative emotions Bruce was feeling to manipulate him. Bruce knows something is wrong, and maybe Thor seeing Bruce struggling, trying to fight whatever is harming him is able to figure out Loki is exploiting Bruce’s negative emotions to manipulate him. Thor knows how powerful Loki is and he’s trying to help Bruce fight off Loki’s influence, but he’s too powerful. Bruce can’t fight the anger Loki is making him feel so he transforms into the Hulk and Loki is able to bend the Hulk to his will. I think that would’ve been a lot cooler than the Mind Stone being the thing that was responsible for amplifying everyone’s negative feelings, but that’s just me. How cool would it be not just to have a master manipulator but an extremely powerful sorcerer to deal with? I thought that was initially what was happening.  I thought at first Loki was using his magic through the scepter, that he was actually using his magic and his skills as a master manipulator. But no, apparently he was just using the Mind Stone. 

Also I know that there was only so much time for that small scene between Loki and Doctor Strange in Ragnarok, and it was really cool to see the two of them on screen, but Loki should’ve been more powerful than Doctor Strange. Don’t get me wrong, I love Doctor Strange. He’s very powerful and could put up a good fight against Loki if the two of them ever had to fight each other. But Loki should be more powerful. He’s a god. He’s lived for thousands of years and studied magic for a very long time. He should have centuries of not a thousand years more knowledge and skills with sorcery. I think he might find Strange’s sorcery impressive for a mortal, but in terms of his skills and abilities, Loki should be much stronger. I think the dialogue should’ve been more like, “Oh, so you went up against Dormammu? That’s cute. I’ve been able to do all the things you can do for centuries, but if it’s any consolation, your sorcery is impressive for a mortal.” But no, instead Loki is once again played for laughs and just takes out those useless daggers again before being yeeted though a portal.

 Also yeah I’m gonna say it. The fight with Valkyrie is a fight Loki should have won. If he used his magic he would’ve won. He wouldn’t even need to use violence. He could’ve just restrained her and put her to sleep and she could wake up from a nice nap or something. I’m so sick of Loki ALWAYS getting his ass kicked by everyone and being treated like a joke. He’s so fucking weak when he doesn’t need to be. He capable of so much more. We know he is because they always trolled us in each Thor movie when Loki would do one awesome thing one time in the movies and then never again, always hinting that he’s much stronger but they’re afraid to show more of it because god forbid he become even more popular. 

And the final part of the nerfing of Loki’s sorcery before I finally get to his show, and that would be his death in Infinity War. Now listen, my issues isn’t that Loki died. I understand the point of his death. They had to sell Thanos as the big bad. Infinity War was Thanos’ movie. Loki died trying to save his brother. Loki probably knew there was a very good chance he would die. My problem is with how it was handled. Loki is supposed to have tons of magical abilities, right? So why didn’t he at least try to use his magic? Why didn’t he cast an illusion, or shapeshift? Why didn’t he use a teleportation ability or something? Was I expecting Loki to beat Thanos? No, but goddam it, anything would’ve been better than those fucking useless butter knives. God, they couldn’t let him use his magic one last time before he died could they? Also I hate that Loki and Thor never got to have that brotherly hug and Loki never had the chance to reconcile with the Avengers. Wouldn’t it have been cool if Loki got the chance to fight along side the Avengers and died, so they could see he really did change for the better? Apparently not, I guess.

And now, we finally come to Loki’s show, which actually pisses me of more than the movies. You know, I would be more forgiving about all the bullshit excuses people have said or tried to give for Loki being so nerfed. I let it slide because the movies weren’t completely about him, and I could see where Loki’s popularity overshadowing Thor, the Avengers, or the heroes in general might be an issue in terms of sales and getting people to care about the other movies. Hell, Loki was the reason I watched the Thor movies in the first place. That was when he wasn’t the main focus. When I heard he had a show coming I had hope that I would finally get to see Loki be the sorcerer he was supposed to be. There’s no other characters to worry about Loki overshadowing, so now there’s really nothing standing in their way of showing how powerful he is right? After 10 years, I’d finally get to see all the focus on a character I love, he’d no longer be nerfed, right? Wrong. I was so excited, practically giddy when Loki fired green magic beams in a fight and used Telekinesis to stop a building from falling on him and Sylvie. I was so happy because it was a taste of what I had been wanting to see from Loki for so long. I was excited to see more.

Unfortunately, that was really all we got from Loki. Well, except for when he used teleportation to try and stop Sylvie from killing He Who Remains. Guys, I’ve loved Loki since the first Thor movie. It always bothered me that he was so nerfed in the movies, but I was able to look past it because he very well may have overshadowed the other characters if he was allowed to have all his powers. I can understand that. But the fact that he’s so nerfed, maybe even more nerfed in his own show than he was in the movies really pisses me off. I think it’s cool to see all the different Loki variants using magic, but there’s absolutely no reason for Tom Hiddleston’s Loki not having the same powers and abilities as the other Loki variants. What really burned my ass was in Episode 5 when Loki said he couldn’t enchant or didn’t know how to enchant. Fucking really? He did it to Valkyrie in Ragnarok. And before you come at me “Loki in Ragnarok was older than 2012 Loki so Loki probably didn’t know how to enchant before Ragnarok.” Okay fair enough. The thing is though Loki is thousands of years old. He should have centuries to at least a few thousand years worth of knowledge about sorcery. And we’re supposed to think after all that time studying it he wouldn’t know how to enchant someone? Bullshit. Loki should’ve had all of these abilities  and more all along in the MCU and especially in his own show. There’s no excuse for why he’s not just as powerful as the other Loki variants.

Look, I really hate that I had to make such a long post about this. I hate being negative. I really appreciate that we got a Loki show. I’m really happy to see Tom Hiddleston so passionate about it. There’s a lot I appreciate about this show. But the fact that Tom’s Loki was always so nerfed and not really allowed to be the powerful sorcerer he was supposed to be always bothered me. I’m not even saying I’m upset that MCU Loki isn’t exactly like Loki in the comics. I’m saying that  I always wanted to see Tom’s Loki kick ass as a sorcerer for the past 10 years. I was upset that I never got to see him do it in the movies. And when his show was announced I was excited to see him finally use his magic particularly in fights, and to see it even more underutilized was really disappointing. I was patient for 10 years and all I got to see was Loki firing green energy balls, and use telekinesis, and teleportation ONE time, and all the other Loki variants are so much more powerful than him. Not to mention he gets knocked around like a ragdoll all the time. Is it too much to ask to see Tom’s Loki actually be allowed to be a powerful sorcerer and be able to hold his own in fights? Can I see him use cool abilities MORE than once? Can I see more than just illusions and daggers? Can Tom’s Loki be allowed to be a threat instead of being used for laughs? If  the writers for the MCU are gonna mention that Loki is a very power sorcerer, then they should stop nerfing him, and let him be a sorcerer.

I know the first season was basically used to set up the multiverse and the next phase of the MCU which is cool, but I really hope they focus more on Loki and his abilities in season 2. I’m really trying to stay hopeful when people say Loki will use more magic in season 2, but I don’t want to get clowned again. But I’m also starting to think when they say Loki will use more magic in season 2, it won’t be Tom’s Loki. If Tom’s Loki isn’t allowed to be the awesome sorcerer he deserves to be in his own show, then at least we still have fanfiction and the comics. By the way, I’m not throwing shade at fanfiction writers a lot of them write great stories and do a far better job showcasing Loki’s sorcery than the MCU. I have a lot of respect for you guys :) Sorry this was so long, but after the finale I had a lot of frustration to get off my chest.

[flyingupward]

critical role - vox machina chapter 4 - attack of the conclave

all sentences taken from episodes 39-56 of the first campaign of critical role. feel free to change pronouns, phrasing etc. to fit your needs!

“All this time, you’ve been trying to kick my teeth in and your true enemy was right over there.”

“That’s good. Moving is not my forte.”

“We’re in a hentai. Make it go away.”

“Not all short people look alike.”

“God, I wish I was not made of farts.”

“We live in a cold, cold world. No one deserves anything.”

“You chose so poorly. It is truly impressive how poorly you chose.”

“Stay away from all men. Forever.”

“I’m glad I came in handy for that field trip.”

“I hate your friends!”

“Little do they know I shop for everything at Home Goods so joke’s on them.”

“It’s just radioactive material in the basement. It’s fine.”

“Somehow the coffee has not been poured on your head. That’s the greatest magic trick I’ve seen all morning.”

“Everything else was dragons. Why wouldn’t it be dragons?”

“Sorry, I was so caught up in the fact that I’m literally going up against death incarnate.”

“You’re a magnificent handsome bastard. Don’t die.”

“Do not go far from me.”

“He’s just a sociopath, that’s all.”

“There are dragons outside and we’re playing rugby with a fucking skull!”

“A simple mind is looking for a simple solution to a complex problem.”

“I’m a firm believer that there’s always a way to victory if we’re smart about it and we’re quick about it.”

“We either stand now or we might as well be dead.”

“We try, we mostly fail, but occasionally we get it right.”

“It was such a bad deal I said no. Can you imagine how bad of a deal it must have been?”

“No offense darling, but you look like shit.”

“If we’re going to be roaming about the streets, I’d like you to not fall open like a can of baked beans if you don’t mind.”

“Let’s not get overexcited about the sudden realization that some of us can be a bit iffy.”

“Thank you for that smattering of applause.”

“I have one of those terrible ideas I get on occasion.”

“This is politics. You’re not supposed to like them.”

“You can talk my fucking ear off in a moment. Shut up for a second.”

“If the parasite hasn’t a host to feed on, the parasite dies.”

“I never forget that when I rule, I rule these people as well.”

“One day, you’re going to stop being afraid of me and I hope that day comes soon.”

“There’s no swinging by, that’s a caper.”

“It will be built back better than before. That’s what we do.”

“We have a lot of Pop Tarts, but not very many gold pieces.”

“This is where I live. What are you doing here?”

“I’m cold and I still haven’t been paid.”

“We’re not trying to score points. We are trying to do right.”

“This is fucking happy fun bunch over here. They bring death with them everywhere they go.”

“And to think I might have briefly missed you.”

“You have to find the no name guy who’s going to help you find the stuff that’s hidden that nobody knows where it is or what it is.”

“What do you want to do? Do you want to stay here while the world burns?”

“World’s always ending, baby.”

“It would be wondrous, after we complete this transaction, that we never meet again.”

“Oh my God, I just buy healing to save my life, what a waste.”

“I’m going to stand over here and fail to stay in character, okay?”

“Let’s all have a toast to the inevitability of the universe.”

“My God, I love other people’s problems.”

“Are we sober yet?”

“I think her foolish impulses are exactly what we’re looking for.”

“Better to die a fool for something than live in regret for doing nothing.”

“I think we want her to do her stupidest.”

“You’re… brooding.”

“I tend to glaze over when he’s talking.”

“Lead the way, shitkicker.”

“A lot of your friends are very weird.”

“I would just like to point out that I’m mostly sober.”

“That’s okay because remember, I’m me.”

“I’d like to stand up, please.”

“I’m scared to death which is why the math is so bad.”

“I’ve met few as unremarkable as you in my travels.”

“Well then, we’re in trouble. I have an attitude about everything.”

“Yeah, there’s like 37 things we have to do before tomorrow so… ”

“She’s not really gonna care about court so much as ripping the bones from your back.”

“I thought you were gonna tell me a dirty joke or something. When you say, ‘Come here,’ that’s usually what that means.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s going to be daylight if we’re underground.”

“I’m really hoping that it’s the worst decision we make because then everything’s uphill.”

“I like who we are together and I think that that’s important.”

“Dying in slow motion over here.”

“Oh good, more darkness.”

“Oh my God, you’re going into a special section of your book. That’s never good.”

“I’m very aware that my greed killed me.”

“Oh, I must have missed it because I was dead. That’s right.”

“Do you have feelings and did that hurt them?”

“I’m pretty tired after dying.”

“I think I love you too. I’m just terrified to allow myself to.”

“We are a city of seasonal affective disorder.”

“So I heard a rumor that you sort of saved my life in a really creepy sort of way.”

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you my Pokemon.”

“Your secret is safe with my indifference.”

“I always fucking hear you in my mind. It’s very quiet in there these days.”

“If it becomes a problem, just raise your hand and scream.”

“Our lives are so bizarre now.”

“Why is my brain tingling? Is someone noodling around up there?”

“You know what? It’s just fire. I will be on fire.”

“Did someone lose an orb?”

“Are we really about to pretend to do CrossFit?”

“Not enough spit takes in the world for this moment in time.”

“Beyond it being an engineering issue, it might be a greed issue first.”

"She's an adult. Deep levels of arrested development, but an adult nonetheless."

“Retroactively, you’ve never been seen in your entire lives.”

“You take everything good away from all of us.”

“It’s not one problem, it’s a very large problem and a massive problem.”

“Those that give a fuck, speak up.”

“We’ve lived half our life in the shadows. You’ve made them your home.”

“I love my reckless brother as much as he hurts my heart.”

“Duck hunt’s a bitch.”

“This is so dumb. Why am I doing this?”

“Congratulations, you’re creepy as fuck.”

“Give me this you fucking hoarder. What’s the matter with you?”

“I will smite you.”

“I was born to shove things in holes.”

“Knowledge is power, for reals!”

“Are we time bandits now? Is that what’s happening?”

“I hate time travel. I hate time travel so much.”

“No worries. I didn’t need to live anyway.”

“Perhaps it’s time to be a better badass.”

“It’s been a traumatic five minutes.”

“Like any good plan, everything will go wrong.”

“Oh well, I’m fucked then.”

“Oh, tiny dancer, you are fucked.”

“He died as he lived: Deeply unimpressed.”

“Don’t you dare die happy.”

“I like that we managed to make solving problems with violence into an ABC afternoon special.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say, ‘At dawn, we plan.’”

“I genuinely don’t understand the place you come from.”

“That is the weirdest coping mechanism I’ve ever heard of.”

“Maybe we should just sleep together and see what happens.”

“Thank you for telling me the truth after you sort of lied to me.”

“Yeah keep twitching, twitchy.”

“We totally planned at dawn!”

“Everything is terrible. Our lives are terrible. They are way worse than they were six months ago.”

“You are a fucking madman, but I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m fucked. I understand I’m fucked. It’s fine.”

“This was all part of the plan, the hastily smushed together plan.”

“He’s a liar and a bringer of death and he’s smiling at you while he does it.”

“Bravery means nothing. Survival and victory mean everything.”

“Oh shut up, you flying suitcase.”

“You don’t need inspiration, you’re fine!”

“If I move, he’ll kill me. So I won’t.”

“Cursed Lizard! We’re going to give all your gold to the poor!”

“Don’t be so glum you old fool! This is a day of glory!”

“We will all die. It just depends on cost.”

“Oh, wow. You just said a lot of things in a very short amount of time.”

“You are the worst of us.”

“If there’s a dare involved, that’s completely different.”

“I don’t like wanting things.”

“Is it the people or is it the fact that you have finally realized how pointless it all is?”

“I feel like I’ve been lied to my entire goddam life and it’s all crashing down upon me right now.”

“The thing is you’re not wrong and you’re not crazy, but it’s not hopeless either.”

“Even surrounded by friends, I often feel so alone.”

“Thank you for being a friend even though we just met.”

“The terrible woman may have a point.”

“Woo! Good leadership!”

“The awkward woman makes a fine point.”

“It is not about idolizing ourselves, it is about a very long story which we are a very small part of.”

“I’m doing something very stupid now with my friends. We’re going to try to save the world.”

“I admire everyone in our band of misfit toys, but you most of all.”

“You are all kinds of fucked up all the time and that’s why we love you.”

“We’re all all kinds of fucked up and that’s why we all are together.”

“That’s all we can be is ish.”

[cpcoulter-official]

Port in a Storm (Legacies)

(language warning) Just breathe… Therapist always said I had to take deep breaths...calm myself…

Still, he wished he’d done that maybe two hours earlier. Maybe he wouldn’t be in this situation.

Fuck, this is how Johnny feels all the fucking time?

It’s strange how he still referred back to his high school friends. If you could call them that. If you could really call that school that. Maybe it was because of what they had to go through together.

But God, he hated college. Weren’t things supposed to be better now? Why did he refer back to this school for better days?

There was pounding at the door.

“Ford! You in there? You alright, man?”

“Yeah,” he replied bitterly, wiping the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand. He ended up coughing some more into the sink. “Shit.”

The door opened and he saw a familiar face he hadn’t seen in a while. Tall and blond, with that worried look on his face, he barely looked changed from what he remembered. Ford rolled his eyes. “Don’t look at me like that, Colin.” He ripped the last of the tissues from the dispenser.

“What the hell, Ford, what happened?!” Colin stared, shedding his dress jacket.

Ford only gave him a ghastly grimace in response. “I fucking love reunions.”

Colin pulled out what was likely a thousand dollar handkerchief from the jacket’s pocket and wet it in the sink, giving it to him. “What did the other guy look like?”

“Before or after I was done?” Ford smirked mirthlessly, flinching away from the damp cloth.

“Ah shit,” Colin hissed, washing blood off and trying again. “The others were looking for you already.”

“How’s the house, Cole?”

“It’s the house,” Colin replied impatiently. “Look up. Did you break your nose?”

“I can’t feel it but it doesn’t look out of place,” Ford snorted.

“Seriously,” Colin snapped.

“I’m fine.” He shrugged him off.

“You need to let Harry have a look at it.”

“Oh he’s here too? Amazing.”

“The point of you guys coming back here was to tell us all that there’s life after graduating from Dalton,” Colin retorted. “Changed men and all that.”

“Right, you should’ve invited Rick for that,” Ford replied as he slumped against a stall.

“We did. He had a beautiful speech.”

“His August Lordship should be commended, then.”

“Oh it was all bullshit.”

“I’m sure it was.”

The door opened again to a tall boy now wreathed with muscle stepping in. “What the fuck, Ford!”

Ford laughed so suddenly that blood sprayed from his mouth. “Holy shit, how’d you get out of camp?”

Paxton ignored him. “Where’s the other guy?” He checked his friend’s scraped knuckles. “When did you get the tattoos?”

“My mother couldn’t tell me no while I was away and no one else did, so…” He flicked at his friend’s sleeves. “Nice threads.”

“If you get my uniform bloody, I will hurt you,” Paxton replied, still checking the injuries. Now he looked up. “...where’s Maddie?”

Colin looked up now.

Ford shut his eyes and leaned back. “...I can’t say.”

“Bullshit.”

“I can’t say! But she’s fine.”

Colin now looked aggravated. “This long-distance star-crossed high school sweetheart bullshit has to end, Ford.”

“I had to.”

“You sure as fuck didn’t have to beat anyone in,” Paxton snapped.

“I didn’t start it!” Ford opened his arms, eyes wide. “I got jumped! It was four to one!”

“Maddie’s been getting you into trouble since senior year, Ford, it’s time to stop.”

“Heart wants what it wants, Colin ol’ buddy,” Ford smiled at him. “You should know, right, Pax. Miranda come with you?”

Paxton only gave him a warning shake of the finger in response.

Colin scrubbed his palms over his eyes, exasperated. “The next time you feel the need to go all knight in shining armor to your old high school flame, yet again, at least warn us.”

Ford just smiled and let his head lol to the side.

“We can’t bring you to the banquet like that,” Colin remarked doubtfully. “You’re not even dressed for it before this.”

“Nah, screw the banquet. There a nice bar I can wallow in nearby?”

“Well...we can ask Troy. He always knows,” Colin answered.

“Down one for me,” Paxton replied, straightening up.

“What, are you going sober now?” Ford asked him, surprised.

“I have to make talk,” Paxton answered, rolling his eyes. “Can’t do that drunk. I’ll bring Rick when we’re done. Why isn’t the goddam ex-Windsor prefect making a speech, by the way.”

Ford only absently presented the vast ruin that was himself. “I’m ready, let’s go.”

“You’re right,” Paxton replied, deadpan. “Bad idea. Cole, he’s all yours. I’ll let Harry and Troy know where you two are.”

“Thanks, Pax,” Colin watched their friend slip out of the bathroom. He looked back at Ford. “Don’t move, I’ll get a kit and patch you up.”

As Ford also watched him go with a nod, he smiled to himself.

No wonder he used high school as his reference point. Some people were just his ballasts.

High school was hell, every time he came back to it. But...it’s any port in a storm.

[hypnoticwinter]

Down the Rabbit Hole part 30

“God damn it,” I grunt, tugging again at the padlock. Although the paint on the door is flaking and the hinges are rusty the padlock is shiny and brand new.

“This was the big plan, huh?” Fumi says, and I cast him a venomous look.

“I don’t see you helping,” I point out. He uncrosses his arms briefly to scratch at his chin and then crosses them again, leaning against the chain-link enclosure around the shed.

“What’s in there, anyway?” he asks. “It’s a breathing hole, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I nod. “Peter told me about it. It’s what he was using to – “ I cut myself off, thinking back to Elena’s reaction when I’d told her Makado and Peter had been smuggling people inside the Pit.

“Using it to what?”

“Nothing,” I tell him. “It doesn’t matter. Goddam it!” I yell, slamming my fist into the door. I can feel a cold touch of panic start to creep up my throat and I swallow hard, trying to will it back down. “It’s okay,” I say, thinking out loud. “There has to be another way in, there just has to. Fumi, do you know any - ?” I stop. He’s grinning at me, like a cat that caught a canary. “What?”

He points. “You notice anything about that door?”

“What - ?” I turn, look it over once more. “What are you talking about?”

Fumi steps past me, shoves the flat of his utility knife into the exposed hinge and levers it upwards with a quick motion, and then hands me the pin. I stare at it and then back at the door. “You have to be kidding,” I say, grabbing my own knife. Fumi is working on the second one down, laughing quietly to himself.

I smack him lightly on the shoulder and then step beneath him, get down on my knees to fiddle with the bottom hinge. “How long ago did you notice the hinges were on the outside?” I ask.

“As soon as you couldn’t get the padlock open.”

“You bitch,” I laugh. “So you were just sitting there watching me tug on it for five minutes?”

“I wanted to see if you’d figure it out,” he grins. “You have that side?”

I nod and then together we slide the metal door off of its hinges and lay it against the fence behind. The shed is little more than a sheet-metal cage surrounding the orifice, obliquely angled and wetly suppurating, about eight feet high and four feet wide. I grimace. “This is going to suck,” I say. Fumi nods.

“That’s an understatement,” he tells me. “Do you have any idea where this lets out?”

I shake my head. “Peter only told me it lead to somewhere in Bronchial. I don’t know much more than that.” I let out a groan. “Just like I don’t have much of an idea where Elena might be.”

Fumi pats my back lightly. It’s supposed to be a reassuring gesture I guess but it doesn’t make me feel much better. “We’ll find her,” he tells me.

The radio at his belt crackles and belches out a string of static. It makes me jump. There’s a great leaden weight in my stomach and again even though I hate how weak it makes me feel, my hands are trembling. From fear, from anticipation, from…from dread. Dread that I might be too late.

Fumi nudges me. “You ready?” he asks. I nod quickly, swallow hard, and then Fumi is pressing aside the musty flesh of the Pit’s breathing-hole and I, choking down the rising bile, follow him inwards into the twisting folds and venous cavities of the Pit’s lungs.

 * * *

 “How’d you get out?” I ask him. Fumi grunts, his helmeted head inclining back towards me briefly. I push another alveolar fold out of the way, ducking my head to get beneath the dripping, swinging flap of flesh. The bronchial tissue crinkles beneath my gloved fingers and, not for the first time, a frown of disgust furrows my brow.

I hear a slow breath in my helmeted ears. Fumi had showed me how to link the radios up so we wouldn’t have to yell at each other to be heard over the Pit’s gusting, noxious breaths, but one of the downsides is that it’s a hot mic – you can’t turn it off or you have to redo it each time. Fumi had already gotten into a habit of chuckling at me whenever I let out an unwilling little grunt of disgust every time I stepped in a particularly gloppy bronchial puddle and it made me want to smack him, but so far I was managing to keep my temper in check.

Part of me wants to rush, wants to blast through the tangled and twisting passages of Bronchial like a heat-seeking missile and rip and tear my way down to wherever the hell Elena is and carry her out of here come hell or high water, but a cooler, more rational part of me also knows that this isn’t something that can be rushed, not without us getting hurt as well. If I was moving any more quickly there’ve been at least a dozen places we’ve passed so far where I know I would have fallen, maybe twisted an ankle or – god – hurt my poor broken leg even further. Whatever magic the autodoc was capable of, I don’t think it figured I would be putting in this much use so quickly, and even though I try to treat it gently there is a dull, foreboding bone-deep ache settled heavily into the middle of the bone that makes me worried, makes me wonder how much time I have before I hurt it really seriously.

“I was hoping you’d forgotten about that,” Fumi tells me, and I blink.

“What –“ I start, but he’s already sighed and moved onwards. I rush up to follow him, find him pondering a narrow y-passage.

“I think it’s this way,” he says, pointing to the leftmost one, and before I can ask him if he’s sure or if we’d better check both just in case, he pushes ahead into it leaving me to follow, shaking my head. “I’m not proud of running,” he says. “Back when those two psychos shot the Sergeant. I was almost hoping you’d forgotten that I had.”

I hadn’t forgotten but I also hadn’t really cared. I was almost glad that Fumi had gotten away when he had. Erica and Marcus – I’m not sure whether or not they had even noticed him. “I don’t want you to feel guilty,” I tell him, “because you shouldn’t. They would have shot you just like they shot the Sergeant or Elena.”

“They shot Elena?” he asks, incredulous, and I nod, briefly recounting what happened. He lets out a muffled curse and shakes his head. “Roan, kid…you know there’s a decent chance she’s already dead, right? Even if the bullet missed anything too vital it’s not a good environment down here to have a hole in you. There are some seriously nasty bacteria and -”

“Yeah,” I snap. “I’m aware of that. And don’t call me kid.”

A frosty silence settles over us

“Sorry,” he says after a moment.

“It’s okay,” I breathe, although I’m saying mostly to try and convince myself. “I just – she can’t be dead, okay? She just can’t be.”

The Pit moans again and as before the flesh around us contracts rhythmically. Fumi and I both stop, forced to wait it out.

“I’m not trying to judge,” Fumi says, “but you’ve only known her for what, a week? Tops? Is the tail really that good?”

“Oh, fuck off,” I tell him, not even bothering to hide the serration in my voice. “You know, I heard what you said on the radio that day. Back before the briefing.”

“Refresh my memory.”

“You called Elena on the radio, asking where the new girl from Admin with the tight little ass was, you couldn’t find her to tell her to get to the briefing. I think you mentioned something about how you wouldn’t mind getting her alone and –“

So I embellished a little. He was squirming and I felt like being vindictive.

“I’m not proud I said that,” Fumi says, cutting me off, and there is a softness to his voice that makes me stop. The moan croaks out to a halt and with a shudder the flesh around us draws back and opens up. He turns and looks at me; the helmet pushes his cheeks together, makes him look like a dwarf, all ruddy cheeks and thick black beard. “If it’s any defense, I didn’t know you were listening. You were with Elena?”

“Yeah.”

“Even back then?”

“She was showing me the little graveyard,” I tell him. Unwillingly my lips quirk up into a smile. “I think I would have kissed her then if you hadn’t interrupted.”

Fumi laughs. “That’s rich,” he says. “You kiss people in a graveyard?”

I roll my eyes at him, push him forward. “Well, because of you I had to wait until the party. I don’t think either of us worked our nerve up again until then.”

“I knew she was into you,” Fumi mentions, starting off again. “That’s the reason I said that in the first place, cause I was trying to tease her. I just didn’t know you’d, you know, literally be right there.”

“You knew? What, did she tell you?”

“You couldn’t tell she was into you until the party?” he asks, equally quizzical, and I feel myself blush, let that one go unanswered.

We walk onwards in silence. Well, relative silence; Bronchial is a rhythmic forest of noise, a low dull rush of wind grinding at the back of my ears even through the helmet. I’d noticed back in the shed that they roof was made of something like chicken wire but even so it was bowed inward severely. I’d initially figured it to just be the weight of the wire itself pulling downwards but now I think it was the suction of the Pit breathing in.

Ten more steps. Fumi and I start to talk at the same time, and then I laugh and tell him to go while he tries to be gallant and tells me to go. I hope he doesn’t think I hate him.

“How did you get out?” I ask him, and he waves his hand.

“Right. The Cord isn’t the only way up, just the fastest. I circled back around, took a couple of elevators, and then high-tailed it all the way up. You can make it in about a day, if you hustle. I grabbed Makado as soon as I got up and told her what had happened and she locked everything down, sent me to the barracks for ‘rest.’ I think she was just worried I’d tell everybody what I’d seen. Then…I don’t know. I guess she went down herself, hot-rodded an IAV all the way down to the place you were. The fungal zone? We’re not supposed to go down there normally, it’s…ecologically unstable.”

“It was horrible,” I murmur, thinking of Peter. Thinking, unwillingly, of Klaus.

It was a familiar feeling, that rush of panic and then of calm, of everything clicking together and smoothing out, once I’d shot him. I had stood over him, the gun clutched loosely in my hand, still trained on him even though it was empty and the slide had locked back once I’d shot that last magic bullet, one in the chamber, Marcus’s parting gift to me from beyond the grave. I had stared at Klaus until he had lain still for quite a while and then I had knelt down next to him and grabbed the magazine from the floor, slotted it back into the pistol and released the slide, and then I went outside and had a good cry.

Fumi nudges me and I realize I’ve zoned out while he was asking me something. “Why do you like Elena? Really,” he repeats. “I’m curious.”

I give him a little grunt to indicate that I’m thinking about it. “She’s kind to me,” I say finally. “She knew I wouldn’t be able to cut it down there from the very start. She tried so hard to keep me out of the Pit and then once I was in she took care of me the whole way. She has a…a very strong sense of right and wrong. She doesn’t compromise for anything.”

I glance over at Fumi. The passage has widened enough at this point that we can walk side by side. He stays silent. He wants me to keep going, of course, but I don’t see any harm in it so I oblige him. “She was the first girl I had sex with,” I tell him, studying his reaction closely. He looks over at me, holds my gaze for a moment, and then looks away.

“Really?” he asks.

“Yeah. The night of the party.”

“First love,” he says. I laugh.

“A new experience, maybe,” I concede.

“Is it much different?”

“Hmm?”

“From being with a man. Is it different?”

I think about it. “Very,” I tell him. He nods.

“I mean,” he grins, “you’d think it would be, but I would never know…”

I elbow him lightly and then dodge the one he throws back at me. We walk on for a while further.

“You know,” Fumi starts, and then stops.

“What?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Oh, shut up,” I growl at him. “What is it?”

“No,” he says, pushing a fold of flesh out of the way. “It really is nothing, I was going to say something but I thought better of it.”

“Just tell me.”

He looks back at me for a moment, then shrugs. “I was going to say,” he says slowly, “that in all honesty Elena and I are not on the best of terms.”

“Oh?”

“A little while before you showed up, I had to turn her down. She didn’t take it very well. Made some…colorful comments about my heritage. Which are completely untrue, I might add.”

“Turn her do – oh,” I finish. I can feel my cheeks color beneath my helmet.

“You can see why I might have thought better of telling you something like that.”

“Well, it doesn’t bother me,” I say firmly. “That’s the past and whatever decisions she made were ones she made then, not now.”

“Do you really believe that?” he asks. “I mean, really – I’m just curious. I’m not trying to make you doubt yourself if that really is true.”

“Aren’t you angry at her?” I say, sidestepping the question. “I mean, if she came on to you and then acted like a bitch about it afterwards…”

“What I’m trying to say is, that was a particularly Elena thing to do.”

I think about that for a moment and then I find myself smiling. “Fumi…are you trying to tell me Elena is a slut?”

“That’s such a harsh word,” he says. “But…yes.”

“Are you afraid I’m going to get hurt? How big brother of you.”

“Please. I just think it’s something you ought to know about. Besides, if you’re as involved as you say you are with her, I’m sure she told you herself.”

That does make me stop. “She didn’t actually,” I say. Fumi raises an eyebrow. I can just barely see it beneath the glass pane of the helmet. “She told me that there was sex, occasionally. You know, between team members, but never any sort of emotional attachment. It would, I don’t know, disrupt the group dynamic or whatever.”

“Mm,” he grunts. “That’s maybe the idealized version of it, I guess. All I can tell you is that her and Slate were pretty hot and heavy for a while but they broke it off, I don’t know, maybe a month or two ago.”

I think about that, roll it around in my mouth. I don’t much like the taste. Slate had grown on me over the short time I’d known him but not that much. I think about him and Elena, about her flashing that dazzling smile at him, about him grinning that sly, knowing, fox’s grin at her, about his hands encircling her waist, cupping her lithe, muscular ass, and I feel a little spark of jealousy flare up in my stomach. Then I take a breath, deliberately, and let it out.

The night that Slate died Elena and I had held each other tightly in our tent and she had come close to crying but hadn’t. I’d told her it was okay and that if she needed to talk about it she could, but she had just shaken her head. There was grief in her eyes but it was low and cool and detached. We had held each other and I had traced my fingers up and down her naked body but we hadn’t made love. It had been too serious for that. I wanted her to know that I cared about her, that she had more meaning to me to me than just as a series of orifices. In the morning she had kissed me awake and had smiled so brightly that for a moment I’d thought the sun was rising, right there in the belly of the Pit, and it had all been okay.

“What are you smiling about?” Fumi asks, and I laugh. I almost trip on a tumorous, fleshy nodule growing out of the floor and he catches me, puts me back upright again.

“I was thinking about Elena,” I tell him, and he shakes his head, grin sprouting amid his forest of a beard.

“I could have told you literally anything about her and you’d still be head over heels for her, huh?”

“Yeah,” I admit. “The last relationship I was in wasn’t the best.” I shrug. “I only stayed in it for as long as I did because I – because I made some bad decisions and I figured that everything I touched turned to shit. Thor – my ex-boyfriend – he didn’t. So I clung to it way, way longer than I should have.”

“His name was Thor?”

“It was a nickname. His real name was Richard.”

Fumi nods. A little more silence passes, and then he nudges me.

“At least you have some self-awareness about it,” he says.

“Oh, I didn’t for a long time. But I’ve had a lot of time to do some soul-searching recently,” I say, formalizing masses of incoherent thoughts that have been bunching behind my eyes for at least the past two days, if not longer. “And I decided I wasn’t going to fuck this one up, if I could help it. I don’t care if she’s been wild, I don’t care if she’s a slut, she’s been kind to me. That’s what matters.”

Do I mean that? Is that what my soul thinks? Am I just trying to make myself feel better after discovering the Elena isn’t a saint? I think back to that first night that I kissed her, drunk and urgent on the steps of the barracks, the crickets playing symphony and the fireflies fluttering in a spangled backdrop. I think back to the way the hair on the back of my neck had stood up, to the tingling feeling in my stomach when her hand had knitted into my hair and held me closer to her.

The Pit’s lungs are interminable. Way after winding way, passage after passage. It’s only been about a half hour or so but it feels like ages. Fumi is of the opinion that we ought to head down to the Control Center and raid their armory, get some real firepower. Between the two of us we have two little .45-caliber pistols, that’s all, and even then we wouldn’t have them if Fumi hadn’t known where Crookshank had kept them stashed.

I’d accepted mine with hesitation but I knew it would have been the height of stupidity to go down here without being armed. My skin had crawled and I had felt a little like throwing up as I’d taken it from him, as the reliable weight of the pistol settled into my palm, and then I had slipped it into my holster and after a while I was able to forget that I was wearing it, that it was hanging off of my side ready to use.

But a .45 won’t do a lot to some of the things down here. That’s his argument, that he keeps repeating, while I, with mounting frustration, point out to him that the longer we wait, the more danger Elena almost certainly is in. I want to head straight down to the terminus of the Cord and look around for her. We bicker about it for a while until I, with some surprise, take a step around another alveolar fold and find my cleated boots clanking on metal grating. I let out a whoop and charge forward, pushing through another tight sphincter-like gap, and then I burst out into a long hallway, the same one Peter described to me – Jesus, just a few days ago. Or has it been a week already? I’m not sure. I don’t know what day it is, how long this misadventure has been perpetuated for. I turn back around and grin at Fumi, open my mouth to say something stupid, and then something bowls into me, sends me pitching forward. I catch myself but only just, and then something chitinous and hissing and many-legged is crawling over me and wave of white-hot revulsion floods into my stomach.

I reach back and batter at it but just from the angle I can’t do anything to it. It fixes its jaws to my shoulder, cutting through the suit like paper and I cry out in pain. I scrabble for my holster but succeed only in knocking the gun from it, sending it clattering across the metal floor. Fumi rushes forward, crying out my name, but the thing on top of me tugs hard at my shoulder and starts to drag me off. I manage to roll over onto my back and see something like an enormous louse, just inches away from my face, faceted eyes staring into mine. Its enormous mouthparts are coated in blood and my stomach flips as I realize it’s mine, leaking from my shoulder.

“Roan!” Fumi cries. He has his pistol out but he can’t get a bead on it, it’s too close to me.

“Help me!” I call out as the insect pulls me backwards another few feet. I’m too heavy for it to really manage, it’s not quite as much of a monster as an abyssal copepod is, but it feels as though it’s going to bite my arm off at the shoulder, and although I flail at it it just won’t let go –

I draw back and with all of my strength smash it in the face with one gloved fist, and to my shock it hisses and drops me. Immediately I roll out of the way, letting out a screech of pain when my shoulder makes contact with the ground and the jarring of it sends white-hot knives scurrying up my nerves, and then there is a thunderclap nearby and something thumps into the insect. The thunder roars two, three, four more times, and then Fumi is rushing to me and helping me up while my ears ring and the insect shudders quietly to itself as it dies, its head blown apart like a rotten pumpkin.

I sit there in silence as the ringing fades and Fumi washes the cut out with disinfectant, bandages my shoulder, applies an analgesic spray to it, patches me up. The cut apparently is deep but clean and didn’t, as far as he can tell from my range of motion, cause me any permanent damage. I sit there and shudder as the adrenaline gradually leaves my system, and then when he’s done he sighs heavily and sits down next to me.

“You doing okay?” he asks, me, and I nod slowly.

“What was that thing?”

“Just a lesser copepod.”

“Just?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs. “Not an especially big one. Like the abyssal’s smaller, dumber, higher-depth counterpart. Minus the hands.”

I bury my head in my hands. There is a thick knot of worry in my stomach and I don’t know if I can untangle it alone. Fumi clearly doesn’t know what to do about me. “Roan, are you okay?” he keeps asking. He rests his hand gently on my shoulderblade and it makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time.

“How could she still be alive?” I say. It comes out almost like a sob. “If there’s shit like this up here where everything’s – where everything’s mostly harmless, how could she be alive? Something will have gotten her by now, something will have –“

“Roan.”

“Oh god,” I say. “She’s dead because of me, because I was stupid enough to think that she wouldn’t try and attack Erica, she’s dead because –“

“Snap out of it!” Fumi barks at me.

I give him a bleak look. “We should just go back.”

“Roan,” he says, “would Elena give up on you?”

I open my mouth, and then I shut it. Fumi raises his eyebrows at me.

And so with nothing left to say I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak, and then we get up and head off down the hallway, following the signs marked Control Center.

 * * *

 I check my pilfered wristwatch again and shift anxiously from foot to foot. Fumi’s been inside the control room for five minutes already. I can’t hear anything over all of the claxons blaring, here outside in the fat little corridor leading up to it, up two flights of stairs and behind another one of those horrible submarine doors. Worry’s gnawing at me, somewhere deep down in the pit of my stomach; what if they know Fumi and I are in cahoots? What if something’s wrong in there, what if he ran into Makado, or the FBI, or…

I bite my lip hard. Around me the Pit quakes again and rattles the little metal pod of the Control Center like someone shaking a tin of mints. I feel like an Altoid. It’s incredible how much less safe I feel inside here, with the high-tech stabilizing arms straining hard against the Pit’s gullet. I’d rather ride this out in Bronchial any day; Bronchial was comforting, even, because whenever the Pit moaned and grunted and flexed, all of the little flaps and craggy little polyps and bulbs and what the hell ever else all flopped over and covered us like a fullbody hug and just held us there, gently, almost, like the Pit was telling us that it would be okay.

I shake my head. “I have got to get out of here,” I mutter, and then I reach over and open the door and stride in and immediately find myself in the middle of a sea of chaos.

There are a couple more nerds here than before and they’re all up to their eyeballs in flashing lights and alarms, each of them on the phone or muttering into a headset or clustered around a fancy-looking holographic unit that displays a three-dimensional image of something that looks like a fat, squat beetroot that I assume is a model of the Pit. Fumi is talking to one of the nerds, rather urgently, his helmet unclasped and hanging at his side, his fingers hooked under the rear lip of it. He glances over when the door opens and sees me and his expression darkens. He’d told me to stay outside; I had given him a rundown of what Makado had done on the way up, through Bronchial and then into the main gullet of the Pit, and he’d said it would be safer if he went in alone and did the talking, after all, at least four of the nerds had seen me with Makado, they surely would have known what I was supposed to be going down for, but I had gotten so worried –

Nobody’s paying any attention to me. Scarcely anybody even bothered to look up when the door opened, and of those that did they met my tight, anxious face with blank stares and unfamiliar visages. I slip inside, duck behind a nerd rushing past with a stack of papers under his arm and slip over to Fumi. The man he was talking to has given him a shake of the head, with finality, and moved away into a back room that I know is a briefing or conference room. The last time I saw it it had takeout containers all over the place; I wonder if they’ve done any cleaning up since.

“Why’d you come in?” he hisses, leaning close to me so we can confer. I shrug.

“Got worried. Did you get the guns?”

“That fuck,” he says, jerking his head back at the conference room, “is in charge and he won’t unlock the armory for me. Wants Makado’s permission, which I’m obviously not liable to get, even if we could reach her.”

“Goddam it,” I mutter. “Look, why don’t we bust in there and just, I don’t know, take the keys?”

There’s another lurch from the Pit and I reach out, grab Fumi’s shoulder to steady myself. “What, you want to just mug the guy?” he asks.

“We are not coming all this way and not getting any of the hardware out of it,” I hiss. “Elena is dying –“

“Yes,” he barks, and then quiets himself. “Yes,” he says, “I’m aware of our time crunch. But if we do something like that, we’re going to get someone on our ass, and I’d rather worry about the wildlife instead of people. You’re already risking everything by coming in here –“

“Fuck this,” I mutter, and then I cast a wary glance around and slip into the conference room, dodging Fumi as I do.

Inside the conference room I find, amid a nest of takeout boxes, the tall, gaunt man Fumi was talking to, speaking in a hushed tone down the throat of a bright red telephone. He glances up as I shut the door behind myself and does a double-take. “Get out,” he tells me, pointing at the door. “You aren’t allowed in there, I already told your friend that I’d need – wait a minute,” he says. There’s a flutter of butterflies in my stomach while I wait for him to recognize me, and when I does I am momentarily shocked that he pales. He slams the phone down into its cradle and points a finger at me. “You had better stay right there,” he warns me. “I know exactly who you are. I’m going to call the surface right now and get them to send a team right down to get you back into custody. You’ve got some nerve –“

“Look,” I tell him. “Just give us the keys to the armory and we’ll be out of your hair. That’s all we want. We’re trying to help,” I say, and as if to punctuate my argument, the Pit groans again.

“Stay right there,” he repeats, and picks up the phone again. I whip the pistol out of my holster and train it on him.

There’s a sensation in my stomach like I’m falling, like I’ve just taken a leap off a cliff, the same lurch you get when you miss a step in the middle of the night and your brain didn’t think it was there, that same sensation of gutless horror like you’ll fall forever and stop suddenly. The man is staring at me; his eyes are very wide.

“Give me the keys,” I tell him. “I’m not going to ask again,” I say, thinking maybe it’ll sound threatening if by some chance my voice happens not to shake while I’m spitting my one-liners.

A part of my brain is screaming at me that I haven’t thought this through, what am I going to do with this guy once I’ve gotten the keys from him, what am I going to do if he calls my bluff, what am I going to do if –

The keys plonk down on the table and slide over to me. Before I can think I reach out and take them, ball them tightly in my fist. I give the man a look and open my mouth to say something but before I can there is another roar from outside and the ground pitches to the left and knocks us both off our feet. There are yells of surprise and horror from outside in the main room and a new alarm is blaring now, one with a much more urgent tone than any of the others. The gun’s clattered to the floor as well and both I and the gaunt man know it. It’s landed just between us, sprawled in a stack of upended file cabinets, just there on the floor. The red emergency lights gleam off its sleek metal lines and make it look like it’s been drenched in blood.

We dive for it at the same time, and he puts his hand in my face and shoves me away, but not before I can fit a hand around the barrel of the gun. I can’t think, my brain has been replaced with something animal, something screaming in terror, but I can feel my lips draw back in a snarl, and even as he arches his fingers inwards to claw at my eyes, the fist I made earlier snaps outwards like it has a mind of its own and slams with all of the might I can muster square into his face and I feel his nose give beneath my balled fingers, and he shrieks and claps his hands to his face. I grab the gun and train it on him again, a little unnecessarily, getting unsteadily to my feet as the control center, clearly at a very cockeyed angle, slips a few feet further down and nearly knocks me over again.

Fumi bursts in but because of the angle the door slams on his face right after he’s pushed it open. “Roan!” he cries. Through the open door I can hear complete pandemonium outside, but through the alarms and cries and panic I hear something that punches my heart straight up into my mouth, makes time slow down to a trickle, running through my agonized brain to give me more perceived seconds to dwell on the horror: I hear the sound of buckling, groaning metal, and then a loud snapping screech as it finally starts to give.

Continue with Part 31

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[thatboomerkid]

CLEARANCE LEVEL 5 REQUIRED: IMMEDIATE POST-█████ (CLASS-███ EVENT) INTERVIEW OF Dr. [REDACTED] by [DATA EXPUNGED] CONDUCTED █ █████ ON █/██/██ WITH ████ BANANA-██D█ █████09: “DICK MEATSWEATS COLLECTIVE”

Dr. [REDACTED]: (is violently hauled into a cramped, windowless interrogation-cell with a bag over his head, handcuffed; is shoved unceremoniously into a metal chair and then immediately handcuffed an additional seven times)

(low, dull-yellow lighting flickers over a single long, scarred, heavily-reinforced steel table bolted to the cement floor; also, ██ is actively ████ SCP-███ █ of █████ with ██ and ███ ham-beast ████)

[DATA EXPUNGED] █ ████ (hereafter referr to as “Interviewer”) ██ and █ with a hot ██ and ███ twin spatula ████ Megaman ████ (see ██ ███ ███thick dong█)

Interviewer: (gestures dismissively at Dr. [REDACTED], addressing security officer) Please, remove that. It ... won’t be necessary.

Security: (raises quizzical eyebrow)

Interviewer: (gestures again, making the international sign for “pull the bag off his head”)

Security: (raises other eyebrow, even more quizzically)

Interviewer: (frowns, narrows eyes)

Security: (makes international sign for “do you mean ‘pull his head off his torso’?”)

Interviewer: THE BAG. TAKE THE FUCKING BAG OFF HIS HEAD.

Security: Oh! Okay, yeah, sure, that makes WAY more sense. (pulls bag off of Dr. [REDACTED]’s head) Sorry about that.

Dr. [REDACTED]: (blinks several times)

Interviewer: Good morning, Dr. [REDACTED].

Dr. [REDACTED]: (blinking) Oh. Fuck.

Interviewer: You know, I get that a lot? So, Dr. [REDACTED], could you — perhaps — please begin by telling me just a little bit about what it is you do here at the Foundation?

Dr. [REDACTED]: Am ... am I in trouble?

Interviewer:

Security:

Interviewer & Security: (suddenly laugh out loud)

Interviewer & Security: (continue laughing)

Dr. [REDACTED]: (frowns)

Interviewer & Security: (still laughing)

Interviewer & Security: (laughing hard enough to shed actual tears)

Interviewer & Security: (audible wheezing)

Dr. [REDACTED]: (pretty clearly offended)

Interviewer & Security: (slowly composing themselves)

Dr. [REDACTED]: uhh ... the fuck?

Interviewer: (wiping away tears) Oh, sweet hopping pogo-Jesus. That was goddamn hilarious. Yeah, no oh my god no, you’re not in trouble.

Security: Yeah, I would have just shot you.

Interviewer: Yeah. Definitely.

Dr. [REDACTED]: (nods at random dead guy seated in the chair next to him) Ah. So is that what happened to this guy?

Other Researcher: (also seated next to Dr. [REDACTED], also handcuffed, still with a bag over his head) Yeah, I was wondering the same thing.

Interviewer: (narrows eyes) No, that was due to a ... “miscommunication”.

Security: YOU GAVE ME THE NOD.

Interviewer: WHAT NOD!?

Security: THE NOD! THE NOD THAT MEANS TO SHOOT THE GUY IN THE HEAD! THE FUCKING ... THE NOD!

Interviewer: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT? WHAT “NOD”!?

Security: (shoots Other Researcher in the head)

All:

Interviewer: THE FUCK WAS THAT!?

Security: YOU JUST GAVE ME THE NOD! AGAIN! THE SAME FUCKING NOD!

Interviewer: jesus goddamn christ put your fucking firearm away

Security:

Security: okay, but it’s not my fault you keep giving me the murder-nod

Interviewer: I’M SORRY WHAT WAS THAT?

Security: Ah! Sorry, sorry, nothing, [DATA EXPUNGED]. My apologies.

Interviewer: That’s what I goddamn thought.

Dr. [REDACTED]: uhh

Interviewer: Ah. Yes. So.

Dr. [REDACTED]: ... so?

Interviewer:

Dr. [REDACTED]:

Interviewer: I am so sorry, this is really embarrassing. I have COMPLETELY lost my train of thought. Where were we?

Security: Oh! You were just asking Dr. [REDACTED] here if he could tell you a little bit about what he does at the Foundation.

Interviewer: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP MURDERING STAFF-MEMBERS, ASSHOLE. I’M NOT FUCKING TALKING TO YOU.

Security:

Security: don’t have to be a dick about it

Interviewer: I’M SORRY, AGAIN, WHAT WAS THAT? YOU’RE TOTES PSYCHED ABOUT GETTING YOUR CHAPPED ASS BUSTED DOWN TO D-CLASS PERSONNEL?

Security: No, [DATA EXPUNGED]. No, I am not totes psyched about that.

Interviewer: Yeah. Keep it up, just see what happens.

Dr. [REDACTED]: um

Interviewer: Oh! Shit, yeah. So, Dr. [REDACTED], could you begin by telling me a little bit about what you do here at the Foundation?

Dr. [REDACTED]: Ah, yes! Well, I’m an [EXPUNGED], an unlicensed [ALSO EXPUNGED] and [REDACTED] practitioner, as well as an [EXPUNGED], a [SUPER-EXPUNGED], two [JESUS FUCK, SO EXPUNGED], a psychopharmacologist with a background in [DOULE EXPUNGED], anomalous and/or cognitohazardous pornography and [EXTRA HYPER-TIGER-DRAGON EDITION EXPUNGED]. Crikey, my name is ’Stralian Dan! Dingos, boomerangs, koalas, wallabies! FOSTERS! VEGEMITE! PAUL HOGAN! YAHOO SERIOUS FILM FESTIVAL! (said with German accent) {O5–1 APPROVED thumbs up}

Interviewer:

Interviewer: ... and we hired you WHY?

Dr. [Redacted]: Well, for a lot—

(knock at the door)

Interviewer: OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE. HELLO? WHAT THE SHIT DO YOU WANT?

(door cracks open just a smidge)

Interdepartmental Liaison: (pokes head in) Hey, everybody! Just popping in real quicksies to ask if everyone has their raffle tickets for th—

Security: (shoots Interdepartmental Liaison in the head)

Interviewer:

Interviewer: are you goddam kidding m—

Security: UH ARE YOU GODDAMN KIDDING *ME*!? If you don’t want me to shoot people in the head, STOP GIVING ME THE ‘SHOOT THIS GUY IN THE HEAD’ NOD.

Interviewer: for the love of hot greasy fuck THERE IS NO ‘SHOOT THIS GUY IN THE HEAD’ NOD and if there was I WOULDN’T BE FUCKING GIVING TO YOU.

Security: okay well that’s not what I was told

Interviewer: GIVE ME YOUR FIREARM YOU MURDER-HAPPY NUTBAG FUCKSTICK

Security: pfft

Interviewer: (literally audible scowling)

Security: okay well fine but I just want to be clear, for the record or whatever, that I feel like I barely murder ANYBODY around here

Interviewer: THE GUN, ASS-MUNCH.

Security: (hands over firearm, rolling eyes)

(knock at the door)

(some Guy From Accounting pops head in door)

Guy From Accounting: Hey, so real quick? We’re supposed to have this room—

Security: (shoots Guy From Accounting in the head)

Interviewer: HOW IN THE HOLY HOPPING JESUS FUCK

Security: Backup gun.

Interviewer: “BACKUP GUN”?

Security: Yeah, I’ve got like two dozen guns on me. Why? Did you think I handed you my only gun?

Interviewer: YES.

Security: okay, well that seems like YOUR goof-up

Interviewer: PUT ALL OF YOUR GUNS ON THE FLOOR

Security:

Dr. [REDACTED]:

Security: okay well this is gonna take a while

Dr. [REDACTED]: (slowly raises hand)

Interviewer: WHAT

Dr. [REDACTED]: um, I’d like to talk a little about what i do here at the Foundation? if that’s okay?

Interviewer: Oh sweet Jesus H. Tit-Cream. Yeah, sure, fuck it. Tell me all about it.

Dr. [REDACTED]: Well, I was recently assigned to a task force working on the SCP-3003 problem—

Security: Oooh, that sounds INTERESTING!

Interviewer: Oh, hey, cool! Are you done putting all of your guns on the floor?

Security:

Security: yep

Interviewer: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KEEP PUTTING YOUR GUNS ON THE FLOOR

Security: What about stun-guns? Do those count?

Interviewer: WHY WOULD THEY NOT COUNT?

Security: Uh, ‘cuz they’re not really “firearms” per se? And you ONLY said firearms.

Interviewer: I DID NO SUCH FUCKING THING

Security: Well, okay, whatever.

Interviewer: i swear to fuck I will ██████ your ass to SPC-█ and ████ as of █/██/██ to ██████ for the foreseeable ██ in a ██████ to █ ████.

Dr. [REDACTED]: (visibly aroused)

Security: woah okay, wow? uhh, if you REALLY want, I can “divest myself” of all my stun guns, dart guns, shotguns, laser—

Interviewer: wait did you say SHOTGUNS?

Security: Yeah, of course.

Interviewer: Are you under the impression that, when I say “put all your guns on the floor,” I might NOT mean to put down however many FUCKING SHOTGUNS you happen to be carrying at the moment?

All:

Security: Well, you might not. Which is why I asked.

Interviewer: (glare)

Security: Oh well EXCUUUSE ME for seeking some goddamn clarity! Shotguns have a TOTALLY different certification process here on base, so I wasn’t sure if they were included in your new weird, dumb little “no guns” rule.

Interviewer:

Security: TOTALLY. DIFFERENT. CERTIFICATION. PROCESS. See, like, pretty much anyone on Foundation staff is allowed to carry a shotgun. Even D-class, which is totes cray-cray for shay-shay.

Interviewer: That CANNOT be correct.

Dr. [REDACTED]: Nope, that’s accurate. The rule goes all the way back to ██████ on █/██/██.

Interviewer: (closes eyes, massages forehead) oh well that fucking explains it

Dr. [REDACTED]: It does indeed!

Security: Honestly? I’m just shocked that more of the researchers don’t have a shotgun tucked under their arm at all times. Like, there are some parts of the building you’re not “supposed to go into” with a shotgun or whatever, but you can totally carry one to the bathroom or into the commissary or out to your car if you want to.

Dr. [REDACTED]: That is correct. There IS the 20-minute rule, though.

Security: Right! Like, after direct exposure to a cognitohazard you have to put your shotgun down for 20 minutes.

Interviewer:

Dr. [REDACTED]: “For 20 minutes”. WINK LOL.

Security: But, and this is VERY important, it is quite specifically AGAINST Foundation policy to use a shotgun to terminate a member of personnel. We’re supposed to use a sidearm, and getting certified to carry one of THESE bad boys requires is a full afternoon-long training course. It costs $20 to take it, too. And THEN you have to pass a written test, AND you have to re-certify every 72 months.

Interviewer:

Security: Ha! Can you even IMAGINE how much trouble I would be in if I used a SHOTGUN to terminate a member of personnel? Pfft. Jesus, we’re talking easily forty-five, fifty minutes of paperwork.

All:

All: (laugh)

Interviewer: okay but seriously ALL OF YOUR FIREARMS. ALL OF YOUR GUNS. ANYTHING WITH A TRIGGER AND / OR A FIRING MECHANISM, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO HARPOON GUNS AND CROSSBOWS ON THE FLOOR NOW

Security: Okay, but I’m gonna be honest with you? I’m gonna feel PRETTY disarmed.

Interviewer: THAT IS ENTIRELY THE GODDAMN POINT. NOW DROP EVERY SINGLE GUN, OF EVERY SINGLE TYPE, THAT YOU ARE CARRYING.

Dr. [REDACTED]:

Dr. [REDACTED]: So ANYWAY, as I was SAYING, I’m putting together this whole proposal where we strap SCP-035 to SCP-096, arm him with SCP-3664, run the bitch through SCP-914 on “Very Fine,” broadcast an image of his ass on state-run media to all thirty billion inhabitants of SCP-3003, then ... well, at that point we sit back, relax, and let nature take its course.

Interviewer:

Dr. [REDACTED]: Maybe have a margarita.

Interviewer: wow holy fuck

Dr. [REDACTED]: Assuming that the resulting anomalous entity can kill 100 people per second, every second, indefinitely, we should achieve 100% planetary depopulation of SCP-3003 within 9.5129 calendar years: a result, even accounting for a 200% margin of error, well-within our 30-year estimated time-window for SCP-2317 to bust-loose & dick-whip THIS shitty planet into a smear of dog turds and punched lasagna.

Security: okay that’s badass

Dr. [REDACTED]: THANK YOU. Can you believe that the previous best proposal was aerosolizing 5.5 quadrillion tons of powdered SCP-960 & SCP-963, mass produced via SCP-038, and venting it into the upper atmosphere?

Security: PFFT. LAME.

Dr. [REDACTED]: Yeah. Like, at that point, why not just convert the whole planet to Catholicism and hope SCP-2852 just casually wanders in?

Security: (jerking-off motions)

Interviewer: Actually, that’s just a smoke-screen. The REAL plan is to ██ under a ███ ████ with SCP-█████ ████ a pigs-in-a-blanket █████ █ utilizing SCPs-1981, 1004, 2030, and 1459 to █████ fucking ███ Marshall Tucker band █ ███ ██ ██ Keter bukkake █ and █ ██████.

Security: (vomits all over the floor)

Dr. [REDACTED]: (attempts, unsuccessfully, to hide erection)

Interviewer: The only real problem is just getting the idiots on SCP-2222 to point their dicks in the right direction. But, I mean, look. It’s a really nice planet. With, like, NO FUCKING KETERS ON IT. It’s the ultimate dorm-room fantasy!

Dr. [REDACTED]: I believe it was the Buddha who said “I dream of a world that has never known war, nor hunger, nor deception, neither need nor fear nor want nor heartbreak, because god DAMN we would totally kick that world’s ASS.”

Interviewer: It’s a planet of 30 billion idiot bug-lickers, and it’s sad that they all have to die--

Dr. [REDACTED]: Is it? 

Interviewer: The Ethics Committee requires that I say “yes”.

All: (nod)

Interviewer: (reading prepared statement) Ah-hem. But, sad as it might be, that’s only 30 billion people, and who gives a shit, ‘cuz fuck it we’ve killed more people than that since last Tuesda— OH SHIT FUCK.

All:

Interviewer: (folding paper & putting it away) Yeah, no, fuck, I shouldn’t have read that to you. Fuck me Buttery Jesus. Okay, so ... goddamn it. Everybody just be sure to take a fuck-ton of Class A amnestics when we’re done here.

Dr. [REDACTED]: oh yeah you got it boss thumbs up

Interviewer: (narrows eyes)

Janitor: (pushes open door, pulling a mop bucket and whistling the theme from ‘Casino Royale‘ by Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass)

Security: WOOP WOOP NINJA STARS MOTHER FUCKER YEET (throws a fistful of ninja stars into the Janitor’s face, neck, and torso)

Janitor:

Security: Those were poisoned.

Janitor: (extends middle finger, very slowly collapses to the ground dead)

Interviewer:

Security: okay before you say ANYTHING, those are standard Foundation-issue poisoned ninja stars that ANYONE INCLUDING D-CLASS PERSONNEL is allowed to carry AT ANY TIME and they most DEFINITELY do NOT have a trigger OR a firing mechanism so just handle your shit

Interviewer: (lunges at security officer) FFFUUUU—

Dr. [REDACTED]: Anyway, long story short? I’m gonna need a few thousand D-class. I wanna see if that whole “100 corpses per second” thing is feasible. Which I think it will be. Ugh ... hello?

Interviewer: (still punching security officer)