#Ill need a gorilla costume

[mintytrifecta]

Some people want to do normal cosplays and other people want to cosplay void termina

[phantastus]

CW: Suicide. Please scroll past if you need to.

It's been a week since I got the news, and needless to say it's been sinking in and I haven't really been able to muster words appropriate for talking about it. I don't really -want- to talk about it, actually. I'm already struggling not to think back on all the ways I was too self-centered, all the opportunities to be a better friend that I let slip past-- and I feel like talking too much will make it about me, and it shouldn't be about me.

Regardless, I do have to talk about it a little, because sometimes the only thing standing between someone and something like this is knowing what happens afterward.

On December 27th, a friend I'd lost touch with messaged me on Skype to catch up. 

Both being weird (not cool-weird, just weird-weird) artistic loners who barely talked to anybody, we originally met in 8th grade when an over-invested school counselor arbitrarily picked me to be some sort of mediator between them and their bully (maybe because I -also- was awkward and had no friends? Who knows). We both agreed that lady was nuts, but I guess it worked, because we wound up staying friends all the way through that summer, then high school, then college. I spent most of my teenage weekends at their house, playing video games, eating barbeque, and doing weird art kid things like finding out what happens when you microwave a banana, and planning to crash prom by running through the dance floor in fullbody gorilla costumes (we didn't, but it was fun to think about). 

After college, that more or less stayed the same-- except now we could drive, and now we were dealing with the reality of being queer, mentally ill, and stuck in a smallish not-particularly-accepting town without much clue of where to go from here. We marathoned horror movies, ate ice cream in my parked car at night and talked about depression and gender, and when I had pneumonia, they showed up at my door with a basket of still-warm banana bread and an HP Lovecraft anthology.

We both loved Silent Hill. There’s even a photo of them somewhere on this blog, from back when we made that SH2 butter cake recipe that went around. They crocheted me a pillow with the Halo of the Sun on it. My birthday/Christmas gifts were never that thoughtful-- I was and still am a procrastinatory space cadet and would usually just stop at the store and grab a shitton of candy and whatever the goofiest cat-related object that caught my eye was.

Then I moved out of state, and got really depressed, and didn't call or visit for years.

I'd already been beating myself up about not being in touch, and they had little to no online presence that I could easily hunt down-- so I was elated to see the message pop up. We talked briefly-- pretty much just enough to tell them a little about what I'd been up to, and express happiness at hearing from each other. They admitted they weren't in a good place, but hey, after 2020, who was? I was just happy to talk to them again.

They took their own life on January 22nd, 2021, less than a month later.

They're gone, and I can't fucking describe what this feels like. I wish I hadn't talked about myself so much when they asked. I wish I'd told them that after COVID they should come up and visit me in Maine and that I couldn't wait to see them in person again. I wish I'd told them how much they meant to me and how often I still think about them. I wish I'd found out sooner than three fucking months after it happened. I wish I'd just fucking called them instead of waiting for the little online indicator bubble on skype to turn green.

This isn't supposed to be a sermon to guilt-trip readers into reaching out to their friends ~before it's too late~-- I know it's hard and I know we've all been through so much in this past year alone, that isolation compounds and builds and can feel impossible to wade out from.

This is just a heartfelt plea to everyone else who feels like their life doesn't matter, or that everyone around them will "get over it": please stay. I know it hurts. I know it feels unbearable. I know the world is profoundly fucked up and feels like it can only get moreso from here. I wouldn't wish what you're going through on my worst enemy, and I know because I've been there too. But please stay.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/index.shtml

(If you're afraid of having the police called on you or of talking on the phone in general, anything that can get you through one second at a time is worth it. For me, it was listening to someone narrate "creepypastas" while drawing those Gravity chapter summary comics. It sounds stupid but "NES Godzilla" and drawing cartoon James Sunderland being bullied probably saved my fucking life.)

And, okay, yes: if you can, please reach out. To friends, to family, to random acquaintances you remember, to anyone. No guilt-tripping intended, I promise. It just matters, a lot. Maybe more right now in this climate than anytime else.

If I haven't talked to you in years, please know that I probably remember you, that I probably still cringe thinking about some embarrassing thing I did in front of you, that I probably still wonder how you're doing. And, if I don’t even know you at all: I hope that you're okay. I hope that we'll all be okay.

I don't have an eloquent way to end this post.

My friend is gone and I miss them and this hurts, so much.

[lycorogue]

Some Passing Thoughts on the New Miraculous Episodes

Finally got around to watching the fansubs of the Shanghai special and “Truth” (I’m still waiting for the other episodes to come out before watching Furious Fu).

Miraculous World: Shanghai – The Legend of Ladydragon

I have to say, I might change my mind later if the Prodigious proves to be more crucial to the overall lore of the series, but right now? Yeah. This special is a major skip for me. 

I did not connect with Fei the way I fell in love with Jess and Aeon. I am so pissed at the set-up the writers came up with to GET Marinette to Shanghai; her reasoning is the most selfish thing we have ever seen her do and it is such an injustice to her character. Plus, it is like neither Ladybug nor Chat Noir learned anything from the New York trip as they both show up in Shanghai kind of spur of the moment (i.e. didn’t tell the other they were leaving Paris). In fact, Marinette - again, going back to my hatred for the setup to get her to China - didn’t even CONSIDER the fact that Paris would be left unprotected; that Ladybug would be MIA. Granted, it was stated that Hawk Moth was surprisingly inactive, but shouldn’t that put her on hyper-alert; waiting for the other shoe to drop and Hawky to release something big that he was building up to? Instead she just lowers her guard and doesn’t even consider her superhero duties when planning on following Adrien. 

Another annoying thing is that the writers didn’t seem to learn anything from backlash against the episode “Kung Fu.” They just once again have Adrien be the one offering to teach Marinette Mandarin; not her mother (whose Chinese name Marinette never even knew), nor her great-uncle. Another writers flub was in the battle against Roi Argent. Ladybug questions Mei Shi’s suggestion that revenge does not equal justice (if that was translated properly), and... I’m pretty sure Marinette already showcased in previous episodes such as “Silencer” that she very much knows that revenge doesn’t equal justice??? She’s the one who corrected Chat Noir that Silencer coercing Bob Roth to admit he stole from Kitty Section and Marinette isn’t justice; it’s revenge. So???? HUH? NOW she magically feels like Fei’s revenge on Cash is justice for what he did to her? 

If all of that wasn’t bad enough, the pacing of this special was in complete overdrive as well. You didn’t have any of those emotional moments - both heart breaking and fluff-bombs - that you had in the NY special. The focus was largely on Fei, and I didn’t even really like her. She didn’t have the heart and the fully-fleshed characterization that Jess or Aeon had.

I’m also confused about Gabriel spending the past 15 years planning this whole thing. HOW!? WHY!? This is before Adrien was even born, or VEEERY shortly after if we skipped over his 15th birthday in the series. This was LOOOOOOONG before Emilie’s illness, which is presumably why Gabriel started using the butterfly miraculous in the first place (as showcased by Gabe in Origins asking Nooroo to remind him how the powers even work before using them for the first time in a corrupted state on Adrien’s first day of public school). So, if getting the Great Power of the Prodigious was something he was planning on doing literally all of Adrien’s life, why present it as “I found something that can finally give me an edge against Ladybug and Chat Noir”? I mean, what was his original endgame going to be? He couldn’t have possibly known that he’d be in dire need for the cat and ladybug jewels but struggled to take them from two teenage superheroes. It’s like the writers are trying to set him up as some mastermind akin to David Xanatos from Disney’s Gargoyles, but they are failing miserably. The whole Hawk Moth plot just doesn’t make sense to me.

Honestly? The only things that made this special worth it for me were: 1) Finding out a bit more about Sabine and her family (I love that she probably picked the name Sabine because it sounded like the pronunciation of her Chinese name) 2) Seeing Gorilla be his action figure nerd self a bit more (and the action figures of Uncanny Valley and Eagle) 3) Mei Shi in Renling (?) form, who was hella adorable! I need him as a plushie STAT 4) Adrien being the precious bean that he is. Just every moment he’s on screen was adorable (complete with him STILL having the picture of Marinette that was sent to him in “Evillustrator” saved to his baton and using that to try to find her) 5) Seeing the world through the eyes of a kwami for the first time and learning a touch more non-crucial lore 6) Mei Shi in statue form reminding me of the Dragon costume on The Masked Singer.

(I know, seeing them side-by-side now, they really aren’t that similar after all, but it’s been about a year since Dragon was on The Masked Singer, and he’s still what I kept thinking of as I watched Mei Shi on screen)

While I obsessively watched the New York special at least a dozen times, I’m really only seeing myself re-watch this special once more when it’s in English, and maybe whenever I do a full-series binge (which is super rare that I take the time for that).

Not impressed. Sorry.

Truth

“Truth”, on the other hand? Hhhhhnnnnnngggg. My heart! It breaks! Poor Marinette. Poor poor Luka. I mean, silver linings at the end there, but also BIG OOF. (Also, why wasn’t Adrien around at all whenever Truth made people confess that Marinette’s secret was her love for Adrien? xDDD)

I’m also a bit confused about the Adrien pictures. She had them taken down pretty much since “Troublemaker”, and yet her walls are once more papered with Adrien’s likeness now that Marinette is trying to get over him and date Luka? How does THAT make any sense outside of the writers going “we need an awkward phone call between Marinette and Luka. Oh! I know! A picture of her Adrien-covered bedroom walls is accidentally sent to Luka!” >3> Also.... what is UP with Luka’s animation again!? The kid was so pale it’s like they forgot to add any color to his model in this episode. WHY CAN’T THEY JUST ANIMATE MY PRECIOUS SON LOOKING HANDSOME EVER!? FIRST NO EYELASHES, AND NOW NO SKIN TONE!? WHYYYYYYYYY!? Personally, I prefer “Silencer” to “Truth” both in overall story and in Luka’s akumatized form design. Also, side note, did anyone else notice that Ladybug was hit by Luka’s attack and couldn’t speak for most of the battle both times? And that she needed Chat Noir to help her set up her Lucky Charm both times? And that Luka’s drive both times was to get to the truth?

I did still enjoy this episode very much. It showcases the new stresses Marinette has to face (totally unfair; I agree. However, it’s a standard trope in most teenage superhero stories such as Teen Titans and Spider-Man, so I was expecting it). It showcases how hard it is for her to figure out a balance between life and superheroing (again, re: standard teen-superhero trope). The fans get confirmation on a fantheory that’s been circling pretty much since Luka was introduced (ESPECIALLY after the episode “Desperada”). The Ladynoir shippers are well fed, and it’s great to see LB and CN praise each other - including Ladybug’s love of Chat Noir’s humor. 

I hope this isn’t the end of us seeing Luka in the show (that would break my heart even more) and it feels lame to build up the Lukanette “love rival” arc only for it to die off before it really goes anywhere. There was so much story potential there where Marinette could grow to learn what it truly means to be in love, and not just idolize and romanticize someone you’re infatuated with. Instead, all she learned is that she is alone aside from Chat Noir, and I feel like that’s SUUUUPER railroading the Ladynoir ship. And, frankly, I’d much prefer to see the Ladynoir side grow naturally, as it has been, instead of forcing Marinette’s hand because Chat Noir is the only one she can be MOSTLY honest with (secret identities notwithstanding).

It’s been a long hiatus. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to dodge fandom salt, but still get a larger dose than I intended to have in my fandom diet, so maybe my views are a bit tainted from that. However, this special and season premiere feel a bit like the writers are stumbling. I don’t know if the pandemic somehow affected their writing flow, or if they feel pressured by the fans to tell the series’ story a certain way and are scrambling to do so, or if they are rushing to an ending instead of taking their time and letting it naturally unfold as they had with the first few seasons. But, regardless of their reason, I hope they re-find themselves; the ones who told great stories in seasons 1 and 2 and (poor writing for Marinette notwithstanding) really good stories in season 3. I hope they can step up their game for the remainder of season 4. 

It’s been a long break, and we all deserve something good to feed us. We don’t need another GoT or HIMYM final season. Especially when this isn’t even supposed to BE the final season of the series.

Guess it’s time to wait for “Lies” to come out, and hope for the best.

[darkicedragon]

darkicedragon AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA aZure OH MY GOOOOODDD AHAHAHAHAHA darkicedragon WELL YOU CANT FIT THE DICK IN //THAT// SNOUT aZure OH MY GOOODD XDD or the snout just bulges bc they packin' darkicedragon ...joe can make the eyes wiggle tho 😂 'pls take that ridiculous costume off' 'whaaat? you dont like it?' 'it doesnt suit you' 'you think so?' 'it needs to be a gorilla. obviously' aZure oh my goood XDDD Muzaka is just like :DDD bc he has no idea what that is but comfyyyy

darkicedragon soooffft ...does that mean frankenstein decides to make him a fursuit 😂 aZure I don't think Franken made that XD I think Tao bought it for him and if Tao tries to make him a fursuit, he just transforms "but I don't need that" 030 turns into 🐺 darkicedragon oops, missed a thought. 😂 brain went 'muzaka likes bc its comfy- > comfy bc there is fur- > frankenstein decides to make a full suit bc MOAR FUR' 'but what if ur cold when youre not transformed?' 'then ill transform?' 'what if ur in public' 'tao, he'll be fine. muzaka doesnt feel the cold' 'awwww' aZure he'll wait for it wear a coat not a furry fursuit XD you know like wear clothes like normal ppl XD darkicedragon tao just like q3q 'tao, you dont need an excuse to make something if you want to' 'DONT GIVE HIM IDEAS!!!' aZure "No Tao, I am not giving you uranium just because your dad said you can build anything" darkicedragon aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 'but its for SCIENCE' 'do u have the proper protective protocols for it' 'i can do it in dad's lab!!' aZure "Tao, what happened last time I gave you cesium?" "That was not my fault!"

[kosakka]

This popped into my head earlier and I can't do anything else until I write it down.

#triggerwarning

Miraculous ladybug AU where they're also dealing with the virus.

When news of the shelter warnings first spreads, the general public are slow to respond. Marinette takes the initiative to post a video as Ladybug encouraging others to follow the rules for the benefit of everyone, and assures them that she will continue looking out for the city as best she can. After that, people take it a little more seriously, and the number of new cases starts to even out.

The bakery is still open for curbside delivery and meticulously careful pick up service, and since the schools are closed for now, Marinette helps out at the bakery as much as she can. When she's not falling asleep during online classroom meetings, she brainstorms ways to safely help the city. When personal protective supplies run low, she raids her fabric stash and sews up reusable masks for those who need them, and delivers them to their doorstep in the night as Ladybug.

While the city worries over the virus, Hawkmoth decides to take advantage of it. The akuma merges into a token of a grieving widow, unable to touch their loved one in the ICU as they passed away alone. Ladybug and Chat rush to the scene, but the damage has already been done, the ICU torn open to allow the grieving akuma to meet with the deceased, contaminating the area and causing panic as others fled the scene, further carrying the virus in their haste. Terrified but determined, the heroes calm the akuma down and safely repair the damage with Lucky Charm.

Unfortunately, the magic only repairs the physical damage, and the virus spreads. Bystanders from the scene start falling ill, and Tikki and Plagg explain the ins and outs of the protection their powers give to their heartbroken partners. As long as they're wearing their suits, they're immune, and a little of that protection stays with them in their civilian forms. It offers little comfort, though, and that night, the sky flashes red and pink as Ladybug tries in vain to turn back the clock and heal the victims, even though she knows she can't.

Hawkmoth has crossed a line. Ladybug and Chat decide to explain the situation to the other chosen and ask for help. All agree for the chance to assist, and for the limited protection the magic gives. Many end up discussing it with their families, who would undoubtedly notice their absence under quarentine in the same household. They all agree to go on the offense, and do everything they can to locate and bring down Hawkmoth while assisting the city however they can.

Max has the idea to triangulate the appearance of any akuma, and works with Alya to remote interview recent victims to track their flight paths. They set up a website for citizens to post live feed, video, and photos of any akuma butterflies they've seen, and reports pour in. The citizens are every bit as outraged as they are, and with an excess of time on their hands, they're eager to help with Akuma Watch. Together, they narrow it down to a few areas to patrol. The heroes watch them in shifts, taking turns patrolling or assisting the citizens with priority concerns.

They've added a page for requests, and made it known that they are immune while in costume, so people who need assistance can safely interact with them. They do their best to fill as many as they can, and the public leaves them small tokens in gratitude- drawings, homemade snacks, handwritten letters. They share any goods with the priority/emergency staff they meet, and wind up passing along well wishes and gratitude to them, as well.

The next time Hawkmoth makes a move, Paris sees it. A neighbor spies an akuma hovering around the Agreste residence, and swiftly posts to the Akuma Watch site. Adrien frantically transforms to chase after it, only to find it flying away from the house. He captures it and has Ladybug purify it while he checks on his father, the gorilla, and Nathalie. He stumbles across his father ranting about how quickly they'd thwarted his plans, and numbly watches from the window as Gabriel leaves Nathalie to stand guard while he descends into his secret basement.

A frantic Ladybug runs into him, sputtering about not finding Adrien, and Chat has to explain what he just saw. When Ladybug worries about Adrien's well being even more, Chat grips her shoulders and exasperatingly tells her, "Stop worrying, I'm fine!" -cue dramatic reveal they don't have time for, so Chat cuts it short-

They regroup with the others and share their findings. Adrien reveals his identity as Chat, so that they know the full extent of his emotional state and any effect it could have on their plans. Ladybug begins to follow suit, but is stopped by Adrien, who says they can worry about it later, after they've taken down Hawkmoth.

That's all I got, kiddos. Feel free to write the fic and go wild. Just link back so I can read it.

[askbarnum]

Do you have any bad habits?

No man is perfect, though I admit I do come closer than most. The only habit that comes to mind is that I work too hard from time to time.

Something I’ve done since I was a boy, having to work to eat gives you a hardworking attitude for life. It does have it’s downfalls though, and I often do find myself putting work before everything else. On the one hand I would attribute my success to persistence and hard work, yet on the other I find it likely does put a strain my health and relationships sometimes.

Charity certainly found it a struggle when we were together, I really should have been more aware of it sooner and made a conscious effort to put her first. The habits only seemed to get worse after the fire too, perhaps the guilt of leaving the troupe behind left me needing to work harder to make it up to them. Charity became less tolerant of the overworking around that time too, due to circumstances. Perhaps it fed into our parting ways in the end, who knows.

We can’t change our mistakes though, only learn from them.

Phillip does have an incredible ability to highlight when I am overworking though, and is rather dedicated to getting me to stop. Something that is both infuriating and endearing about him.

There have been far too many occasions in which I’ve stayed up all night at the office,performed through sickness, refused to eat for days when my costume is feeling a little tight, or left using the facilities to the very last second in favor of doing paperwork. Phil, rather than lecturing, seems to have procured a number of techniques to break these habits of mine. To his credit I do find myself doing them less and less these days.

He insists on staying at the office with me well into the night, and while I may disregard my own exhaustion I often end up going home with him to ensure he gets a good nights sleep, and end up dozing off myself.

He is most insistent about me staying in bed when unwell, and offers some very passionate arguments about not spreading the illness. When that fails to work he often threatens a call from the doctor, it’s a sneaky tactic as he knows I dislike those medical quacks. Though the threat is often enough to take the fight out of me, and admittedly I am always rather impressed by his bartering skills.

He brings breakfast to the office every morning and upon noticing I’ve missed a meal he has started attempting to cook. His cooking skills are poor at best but the devious creature knows that I am a sucker for sentiment, it is one of my few weaknesses. Even if I was as heavy as a gorilla I would still eat anything he placed in front of me that he poured his heart into.

He also gets increasingly irritated when I start pacing up and down the office while filling in financial forms. He has started getting up and watering each of our potted plants painfully slowly each time I start moving around too much, noting that it leaves me unable to focus and left with only the option to go and take care of things.

I am a firm believer that if you find a man who never raises his voice to your flaws but instead patiently helps you work through them yourself, you must hold onto them tightly as you might just have found your soulmate.

[hesgoteyeslikefire]

Chapter 2

Ray merrimen fan fic

Continues......

W:language

Chapter 2

It had been 2 weeks since you quit the club after that night. You didn’t want to put yourself in that situation again so you handed in your notice and put all your focus into the garage.

Although you couldn’t get ray merrimen out of your head, you hadn’t got the courage to ring him yet you just took your phone out of your pocket and stared at his number at least 100 times a day.

“Whoever his is why don’t you just ring him, ask him out instead of not working and staring at your phone every 5 minuets” ronnie shouted at you from over the workshop. You quickly put you phone back on the tool box pretending like you didn’t have it in your hand at all and carried on fixing the engine of a costumers vw mk2 golf gti. Ronnie made his way over to your ramp and next to where you where working “come on lass spill the beans who is he. Ive never seen you stare at your phone like that before. He must be something special to keep you daydreaming. usually your nose in under a car hood not peering down at one of those mobile devices.” You just shook your head and laughed carrying on with what you where doing not even looking up at him. Ronnie made his way back over to his work station “okay okay ill leave it” .

Ronnie had worked at the garage for longer that you remember. Your dad had hired him when you where just a kid to work beside him in the garage after he had left the marines. Ronnie and your dad taught you everything and after your dad passed Ronnie sort of took the role on as your guardian.ronnie had even taught you how to race and you were pretty confident you where good at driving.

working beside you in the garage for 5 years he had grown old but hadn’t lost his talent for fixing cars although he hated modern technology and would often rant about the youth now days. All you could do was sit and laugh when he went on. But you wouldn’t of had him any other way.

The clock read 5.00pm, you placed your tools on the tool box and wiped your oily hands on your overalls, you make your way to the door shouting to Ronnie “im done for the day, don’t forget to lock up old man” you heard him mutter something under his breath but you carry on stepping through the metal door of the workshop smiling to yourself, before you could realise what had happened you had slammed into someone “what the hell” you look up at eyes you have been thinking about for the last 2 weeks “ray” you whisper under your breath. He just gives you that look the one that makes you week at the knees every time you think about him.”hey”he says still holding onto your shoulders steadying you after bumping straight into him. You hear Ronnie shout from back in the garage “you ok out there”he must of heard the commotion “yea don’t worry I’m fine just walked into a brick wall” you reply as you step back slightly, out of rays grip. he raises his eyebrow at you “charming”.

“What you doing here?. You got a car need fixing? I can get you booked in....” but before you could carry on he interrupts you “nope was hoping you’d call and when you didn’t I did some digging,found out you work here so I thought i come and find out the reason why you haven’t”.

You don’t have a clue what to say apart from “oh”. He just continues to stare at you awaiting an answer. You didn’t wanna tell him actually yea ive been staring at your number all week i couldn’t stop thinking about you and the way i want to climb you like a tree so “ermmm sorry ive been busy”comes out your mouth.

“you free tonight “ and before you open your mouth to answer Ronnie shouts from inside the garage “YEA SHES FREE”. You shoot a look back at him to shut up he just raises his moustache in a smile. “Ill pick you up outside here at 8” you shook your head yes and you watched the gorilla of a man get into a car and drive off. You keep on walking home you’ll deal with Ronnie tomorrow.

Your apartment isn’t far from the garage only 10 minuets walk. You had sold the house your dad owned and brought this place putting the rest of the money into the garage. It was small but it was yours, you had paid for it outright so at least you’d always have a roof over your head.

You let yourself in throwing the keys on the sofa kicking off your boots and wiggling out of your overalls hanging them up just inside the front door before you wiped oil all over your house. Making your way for a shower you replay what had just happen in your head and cant help but think its a bit stalker of ray doing some digging on you,but he just had this charm about him. so you let it slip out of your mind as you slip out of your tank top and knickers and get in the shower letting the water run down your body cleaning away all the dirt and oil from the day.

Frantically flicking through your wardrobe you picked up a bodycon short black dress. This is gunna have to do you though to yourself as you wished you had owned nicer clothes and not just leggings and t shirts but fuck it you’d have to worry about that another night as it was 7.45 and you still had to walk to the garage to meet ray. Grabbing your denim jacket and slipping on your vans you locked up and almost skipped down to the garage with excitement.

[chiseler]

VENUS IN GORILLA FUR

Von Sternberg's films with Dietrich are all unique and great, and all crazy. Some of them almost work as stories (Shanghai Express comes closest, arguably), but Sternberg wasn't really interested in stories, or character, or so he would declare. His artistic sensibility was formed by Vienna's Volksprater, the sprawling funfair where Harry Lime takes his gullible pal for a spin on the big wheel in The Third Man, and evolved to make him an early and profitable collector in abstract art. Plus, his film training was in the lab, dealing with film on a purely photochemical basis. If he could have made films by placing each individual grain in the right place, you get the impression he might have gone for it.

Blonde Venus (1932), the fourth of six Marlene Dietrich vehicles which propelled her from German near-obscurity to American mega-stardom then almost back to obscurity again, has a plot that just about sustains momentum.

To begin with, we see Herbert Marshall, a somewhat superannuated medical student, stumble upon Marlene and some friends bathing nude in the Vienna woods (Mendelssohn accompaniment). This is taken from an incident in Sternberg's boyhood, recounted in his autobiography, when he accidentally barged in upon a bevy of nude bathing beauties. Where Marshall teases Dietrich with what are supposed to be cool remarks, and kind of comes off as a jerk, in reality little Joe was chased off by his water nymphs, screaming imprecations at the terrified and humiliated kid. Humiliation went on to be the central emotion of his cinema.

Flash-forward a few years, and Marshall and Dietrich are man and wife, with a child in the adorable form of little Dickie Moore. But Marshall has given himself radium poisoning in his lab work -- he can undertake an experimental cure in Europe but the cost is astronomical.

Radium poisoning was a hot topic at the time, since the manufacturers of luminous watch dials had been cheerfully poisoning their female staff, with horrific consequences. The lawsuits made the news, and Ben Hecht made a comedy out of it all called Nothing Sacred. Everyone knew there was no cure, but in this movie there is.

Dietrich goes back to work as a nightclub entertainer to help hubby, and her act proves to be the legendary "Hot Voodoo" number where she emerges from a gorilla costume in front of a chorus line of blacked-up "native girls," dons a Harpo Marx with with fake arrows through it, and intones, with an arrogant, "I'm-really-too-good-for-this" sleepy smirk, the following --

Those drums bring up the heaven inside me

I need some great big angel to guide me

Hot voodoo, makes me wild

Oh fireman, save this child

I'm going to blazes

I want to be bad!

The blissed-out stripping away of mock gorilla hide is, apparently, the Birth of Venus, and it somehow suggests a goddess entering our world, while also serving as a sort of cabaret version of the story of Darwinian evolution.

The film spends some time setting up a rival artiste called "Taxi," then does little with her, and there's a tension between Sternberg treating this partially black milieu with respect or at least paying it the compliment of attention (Hollywood's Mitteleuropean emigres generally displayed more progressive attitudes on race than the home-grown directors) and maybe using the dark faces as decadent local, ahem, color.

A comic stuttering bartender is credited as a possible Clarence Muse on the IMDb, but it ain't him. I think it may be Charles R. Moore, who played a few humorous stereotypes for Preston Sturges later.

Anyway, Dietrich's act excites the attention of smooth politician Cary Grant, passing through that early phase of his career that consisted of gazing worshipfully at Paramount blondes Dietrich and Mae West. He pays for Marshall's op, but this breaks up the marriage because when he gets back from Europe, health restored, he mistrusts his wife. The movie now turns into a custody battle over little Dickie, which Dietrich attempts to win by taking to the road.

Wanted posters start to appear, hilariously showing Marlene in her Harpo wig and arrows. It would have been even better if it had been the gorilla costume.

Dietrich, a mother herself, had wanted to make a film about this aspect of femininity, and Sternberg had knocked together a scenario, but then Paramount had had to threaten them with legal action to force them to go through with it. Making for a slightly tense set, I imagine. This was after Sternberg's wife had sued Dietrich for alienation of affection. Cary Grant later told Peter Bogdanivich that he could see what the pair were "up to" and that he "wasn't going to get mixed up in that."

Future Charlie Chan actor Sidney Toler cameos as a sleazy detective on Marlene's trail, and even better, Hattie McDaniel is a maid in a plausibly deniable house of ill repute in New Orleans. Like nearly all African American actresses, McDaniel was pretty much forced to specialize in maids, but though her physique (round) and physiognomy (round-eyed) suggested stereotypes, her personality leant itself to intelligent skepticism, and this frequently comes across in her roles. So Hattie is on to the deceptive Toler from the start.

Nevertheless, Dietrich gives up her son, and the money Marshall gives her to begone, in the sort of fit of perversity Sternberg's characters are always falling prey to.

It's left to Cary Grant to play cupid, making this about the last time he himself wouldn't get the girl, and certainly the only time he lost her to Herbert Marshall, or anyone called Herbert for that matter. 

Dietrich's film about motherhood didn't convince the critics. Irene Dunne and Margaret Sullavan could play self-sacrificing moms, but this German siren? However (smotheringly?) devoted Marlene may have been to her real child (who cameos in The Scarlet Empress, playing Marlene as a kid), she couldn't transmute that into a compelling screen narrative. Little Dickie Moore is essentially a MacGuffin to motivate the plot's toing and froing, as featherweight a device as Marshall's non-fatal fatal illness. The film succeeds as Sternberg intended it to, as a record of the mediated play of light on various textures including a certain woman’s face moving in rhythm with an atmospheric soundtrack.

That beat gives me a wicked sensation

My conscience wants to take a vacation

Got voodoo, head to toes

Hot voodoo, burn my clothes

I want to start dancing, just wearing a smile...

by David Cairns

[fuckingchatnoir]

Fanboy Chapter 6

Ao3 link 

Full chapter below the cut

Chapter 11 of “The Empty Streets of Paris”

           --by   FelineGood16   on FanWorkz.net

“You think you two can actually defeat Hawkmoth?” The akumatized victim laughs wickedly, his eyes never leaving the two heroes. His arms are still tied behind his back tightly by Ladybug’s lucky charmed slinky toy. He’s absolutely defenseless, yet still holds his confident bravado. Chat Noir wonders what kind of words the cynical man put into the brain-washed civilian’s mind that made him say such a thing.

Ladybug doesn’t reply, her eyebrows furrowing instead as she walks herself closer to him. She bends down to his level and he scowls at her. She continues to stare at him in observation, her eyes scanning his attire and weapons quickly.

“I think the akuma is in his hat.” She finally says, her comment directed at Felix.

He continues to stand right behind her, his arms crossed over his chest. He’s not liking the way the victim is looking at him now, his expression trying to intimidate the hero.

“Even if you beat me, Ladybug, Hawkmoth will return with another champion. He won’t stop until you both are defeated. Don’t you understand?!”

The blond turns his gaze to his Lady’s pigtails.

“I think it’s there too.” He finally responds.

He sees her nod without further acknowledgement before she snatches the man’s cap and rips it apart with her bare hands in a seemingly angry manner. The butterfly escapes and the heroine readies her yo-yo.

“You will lose and Hawkmoth will prevail! Just you wa-“

“No more evil-doing for you little akuma!” She yells louder than usual, trying to drown out the sound of the other man.

“Evil will reign supreme and you children will peri-“

“Time to de-evilize!”

Before the man is able to get another word out, Ladybug finally encloses the butterfly in her yo-yo before releasing it back into the world purified.

They win yet again, though Felix feels his hands squeeze his own biceps tensely, the man’s words still stirring in his stomach.

Chat ran on his fours to catch up to his Lady, the akuma’s bright pink sweater in her left hand and her yo-yo in her right. She was breathless and tired, the blond noticed. This akuma wasn’t the easiest to capture. Not only were her powers difficult to dodge but her costume was also complex to the point where the two superheroes spent about half an hour just trying to figure out which item held that damned butterfly.

“Why did she have to knit?! Of all things!” Ladybug complained, looking back from time-to-time to make sure the akuma wasn’t too close behind.

“I know, right?! Hawkmoth must’ve really flipped a stitch the last time we beat him.”

She glanced over at him, giving him a quick scowl before continuing.

“If it’s not the sweater, what do you think it could be?” She asked, turning right and jumping over a car like it was nothing.

She’s so awesome.

“Well, we already tried her needles and her mittens. Maybe those blue socks?”

She groaned and he kept looking at her as he ran, trying to read her mind.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Getting this thing off her was already hard enough. I don’t even know how’d we able to get something off her feet.”

Her Miraculous beeped again and the victim started screaming from behind, citizens continuing to hide and panic all around them.

“Ladybug, sweetie! Stop running, I just want to KNIT YOU SOMETHING!”

Chat gulped.

The victim could knit around individuals in an accelerated manner, making them completely immobile due to the constraint of the garments. And both him and his partner did not have that sort of time to try to get out of that situation.

His limbs were starting to get a little too tired from their sprint and he desperately need a breather. He could tell that Ladybug did too, so he finally took it upon himself to grab onto her wrist and pull her into the nearest alleyway he could find.

She tried to say something immediately, probably ask what his plan was, but she was breathing too heavily to do so, her hands on her knees with her yo-yo and the sweater dangling from her hold. She looked exhausted and Adrien knew that he didn’t look any better.

“What…what are-“ She began, her eyes squinted and directly on him.

He quickly put his hand over her mouth and lead them behind a dumpster nearby, forcing them to both kneel on the floor, cutting her off completely.

“She’s here.” He whispered, popping his head out slightly to see if he could see her.

Luckily, the woman didn’t see nor hear them and passed by the alleyway in ignorance.

He released his hand from his partner’s mouth and they both let their bodies slide down against the brick walls, Adrien wiping the sweat off his forehead.

Her earrings beeped again.

“My Lady, are you able to-“

She nodded slowly before taking a deep breath and ripping apart the atrocious looking sweater. Relieved laughter filled the air at the sight of the manipulated insect and the heroine got back up on her feet, dropping the remains of the garment on the floor.

She went through the whole purifying process and Adrien watched every last second of it in the silence of the empty alley. It was just the two of them there, and his stomach felt like it was fluttering. She looked completely disheveled. Strands of hair were slipping out from her scrunchies, her cheeks flushed from the heat and exercise, her bangs fell over her sparkling blue eyes, and damn, Adrien had never seen anyone more beautiful. He felt like his heart was going to leap out from his chest and he was so far gone he felt like he was floating.

Once the now whitened butterfly was released, she rapidly turned to look at him. He was still sat down on the ground so he got himself up.

“You still have it right?”

He nodded before going to the small right pocket on the upper part of his suit and unzipping it, taking out the small button that was used. It was red and polka-dotted and Chat wished he was able to keep it, but handed it to his Lady before dwelling on the thought any longer.

She gave him a small smile before she threw it in the air and yelled out her signature phrase.

Chat wished he had more time with the girl.

The day was saved once more and the two did their routine fist bump very quickly before that annoying beeping came about again. She had one spot left before she would transform back. Times like that always made Chat both hopeful and saddened.

Hopeful because his heart told him that maybe that day would finally be the day he found her out. But saddened because his mind would then proceed to remind him of the reality of the situation and the kind of hero the love of his life was.  

“I’m about to de-transform, so can you maybe talk to the victim for the both of us? I really have to go, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, not a problem. Your wish is my command, my Lady.”

“Much appreciated, Chaton.”

She saluted endearingly and began to step away from him, getting her yo-yo ready to jump away. But Chat was a pining fool and wanted to hear at least one more thing from her that day, so he took a deep breath and brought his right hand to his heart shyly.

“Ladybug, wait!”

She lowered her arms back to the sides of her body and turned back to look at him, cocking a questioning brow. Her blue eyes were wide and alert, and her fingers screamed impatience and hesitation as they formed into a fist.

“Patrol is still on this Wednesday, right?”

They always had patrol on a Wednesday every other week, and he knew that nothing was going to change that unless one of them traveled or was ill. However, he still wanted to hear her say it. He took it as a promise from her that she’d see him again.

Her shoulders eased for just a second.

“Oh, you just reminded me! I actually have a thing I have to go to that day so I can’t. Sunday I’ll be able to though.”

“A thing?” He asked.

Their patrols were usually late at night. What sort of event did she have at that hour?

“Uh yeah. I’m sorry, Chat. But I really have to go.”

He ducked his head solemnly.

“Is…is it another secret mission you won’t tell me about or is it personal?”

She didn’t respond and he glanced back up at her, her expression unreadable.

“I’ll see you Sunday.” She whispered before finally going off, not allowing her partner another word.

Adrien continued to stare down at his phone quietly in the car. It was almost time for the dinner with his father’s photographer and he was far from excited. He was dressed like some sort of trophy, the golden tie his father picked out practically yelling out his lack of independence. He wasn’t sure what to expect from this evening, how bored he was going to be. However, he knew that whatever he felt didn’t matter. He was there for his dad and had to present himself accordingly. And to make matters worse, Monsieur Fournier was bringing his son along as well. And if his offspring was going to be anything like the man, then Adrien knew he was going to have a very long and frustrating night ahead of him.

Though silent, the Gorilla seemed to understand his already sour mood and turned on the radio. His bodyguard wasn’t too fond of playing music in the car since he seemed to always want to keep his focus on their surroundings. However, when he did decide to blare out some tunes, Adrien automatically knew that the man wanted to reassure him in his own way. Tell him to stay positive and that the day is going to end at some point. He sighed and nodded in acknowledgment at that fact before reading the text he’d just received.

From: DJ Lahiffe

Dude, if anything just text me the whole time. I’m free all night.

Adrien had been texting Nino for the last hour, his friend still attempting to lighten up the mood. Even though he still wasn’t overjoyed with his current situation, the brunette’s messages did make him feel a tad better about everything. They – in a way- anchored his feet to the ground, reminding him that though his father wasn’t normal, he wasn’t normal, his situation wasn’t normal, his whole life in general wasn’t really normal, that Nino was a new normal in his life that also happened to be his friend. So, it couldn’t all be that bad.

To: DJ Lahiffe

Wish I could, but I can’t. My dad would probably have my head if he saw me on my phone.

From: DJ Lahiffe

Well maybe this Nolan kid won’t be that bad?

Adrien found himself snorting at that, his few experiences with Nolan’s father beginning to play in his mind again like some horrible horror movie you can’t turn off.

To: DJ Lahiffe

Maybe. Maybe not. His dad tripped a model once when she asked him directions to the bathroom.

From: DJ Lahiffe

Bro, seriously??!!?? Okay, so he’s an ass. But that doesn’t mean his son is.

To: DJ Lahiffe

I guess I’ll see. Almost at the restaurant. I’ll talk to you later?

From: DJ Lahiffe

Yeah, dude of course! Text me all the deets when you get out of there.

From: DJ Lahiffe

Try to be chill. And if they act like jerks remember that it’s on ‘them’ and has nothing to do with you. They’ll be missing out.

To: DJ Lahiffe

Bro, do you want me to start crying in this car right now?? Omg??!!??

To: DJ Lahiffe

And you wonder why you’re the mom of the squad

From: DJ Lahiffe

I take everything back. You’re a terrible friend and I hate you.

From: DJ Lahiffe

I hope you have a good time.

To: DJ Lahiffe

<3 <3 <3 <3

From: DJ Lahiffe

SHUT IT.

Adrien arrived at the restaurant soon after, his hand unconsciously sliding into the inside pocket of his jacket to make sure Plagg was still there. He knew he was but he was damn nervous and needed a reminder that he wasn’t truly going to be alone that night.

But of course, Plagg didn’t even flinch when he poked him, meaning that the small god was napping. And when Plagg napped, that meant that he would be in a deep slumber for hours unless Adrien dangled camembert in front of his face. The kwami started to weigh like a small brick in his jacket the deeper into his sleep he got and Adrien immediately rolled his eyes and muttered an ‘of course’ before the Gorilla finally opened his car door for him.

Looked like he was completely on his own.

He met up with Gabriel at the entrance, posing for a few pictures with the man before the waiter at the front finally led them inside. His father was quiet, having only spared him a glance and a nod when they met eyes for the first time that evening. Gabriel seemed more serious than usual and Adrien found that his hands were beginning to sweat.

They were lead to a table that had more cloth than his own bedsheets and Adrien immediately started to drink his glass of water as soon as he sat down. Gabriel dismissed the waiter and checked both of his phones, his expression still the same.

Adrien wished the man would talk first. But he knew that he wouldn’t. So instead he cleared his throat.

“Father, has Monsieur Fournier arrived yet?”

Gabriel texted through his business phone with only his right hand, still not looking at his son.

“He’s running late. One of his clients took too much of his time.”

“Ah.” He replied awkwardly, his silverware seeming to be the most interesting and less frightening thing in the room.

“Adrien.”

His head snapped up on command.

“Yes?”

“Fournier told me that his son enjoys socializing and has many stories to tell.” the man was looking at him now and Adrien had been mentally praying that Nino may have made a good point. That maybe this Nolan guy wouldn’t be as bad as his father. That maybe he could even be a good kid. But his father’s eyes were telling him different and Adrien’s hands formed into fists on his lap, hidden by the overwhelming tablecloth.

“I see.” He whispered, a sigh lodged in his throat.

So, don’t talk and just listen. Got it.  

Can’t wait.

They didn’t say anything else to each other until the two other men finally arrived, Adrien’s smile almost as forced as his father’s.

The greetings were abrupt and short, Adrien having noticed the unnecessary tightness of Nolan’s grip when they shook hands. The older boy’s blue eyes stared straight into Adrien’s as if it was honorable of him to do such a simple thing in the first place.

Adrien wanted to go home.

Fournier spoke first, making small talk with the two of them for a while before they dived into any kind of real conversation. And once they all finally ordered their meals, the four of them seemed to part into separate discussions. Fournier stuck with his father and Nolan turned his head to Adrien in almost an instant. The small table seemed divided, yet Adrien felt more surrounded than before.

He took another sip of his water as the brunette began to speak to him, nodding every once in a while, and shooting the kid a forced grin to be polite and to show him that he was listening. And he was, because that was just the kind of person Adrien was, but he wished he didn’t have to.  

“So, you see, Adrien, my hair used to be much lighter than this. But darker hair is back in style and if I want to become a model I have to follow along with the trends, you know?”

Adrien nodded, though he did not really understand what he was hearing. This was a topic Chloe would get into, and as much as the girl frustrated him at times, he still would much rather be in her company than this guy that was more materialistic than a child on Christmas.

“I wasn’t aware of that trend.” He responded.

Nolan’s eyes went straight to Adrien’s hair and he quickly covered his mouth before chuckling. It was one of the most annoying sounds Adrien had ever heard.

“Yeah, I can see that.”

Adrien almost rolled his eyes at his remark, but chuckled along instead when he felt his father’s gaze upon him. And that’s how most of the dinner went on. Nolan and his father talked and talked while inserting a few subtle insults here-and-there, and Adrien had to continue treating them with respect. He had to continue smiling even though he was getting more and more tempted to just walk out and head to Nino’s to rant and watch some movies together.

At least the food was good.

“Did you two see how reckless that spotted girl was the other day,” Fournier began, his sentence directed this time at both him and his father.  They were still waiting for their third course to arrive and Adrien was feeling less hungry by the second. “Her mindset is absolutely juvenile.”

The blond felt his shoulders tense immediately, the atmosphere seeming to chill quite considerably in less than a second.

He was talking about Ladybug.

“Well, she does seem to be pretty young, father. I mean have you seen her hairstyle? She probably thinks she’s still ten.” Nolan added in, another pretentious chuckle escaping his mouth.

God, they’re ignorant. They’re so freaking ignorant.

Adrien was frozen in place; his eyes bore into the photographer sitting in front of him. They were unknowingly provoking him and it felt absolutely agonizing having to bite his tongue.

“You’ve got that right. And did you see how she handled that last akuma, Gabriel? She practically was unclothing the damn woman in front of all of Paris. The woman has no shred of decency in her, yet we must entrust her to protect us? What has Paris become?!”

Adrien’s fingernails were digging into his palms.  

She did all of that to find the akuma, to protect people like you.

Gabriel hummed in agreement and Adrien was getting angry. However, neither of them seemed to notice since they continued bashing the love of his life right to his face. If they only knew who they were complaining to.

“If it wasn’t for that power of hers then do you know how many of our buildings would be completely damaged? How much money Paris would have to invest to repair everything?!”

She did what she had to in order to save everyone. Not even one citizen has died because of her.

“She’s incompetent.”

She isn’t.

“And unreliable in my opinion.”

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

He tried to calm himself, his mind reeling with what he should do. What he could do. These two ungrateful individuals were insulting his Lady and he wanted to defend her, set them in their places. But his father also needed to hire this guy and he didn’t want to disappoint the man.

Man, Nino’s right. This guy is a major ass.

He mentally cursed at his own hesitation, disappointed with himself. If Marinette could defend Chat Noir in front of the whole class without even a second thought, why couldn’t he find the courage to at least change the subject?

Damn, if Marinette were in his shoes he knew that she’d probably give them a piece of her mind, defending Ladybug as she deserved to be defended. He remembered that day at the café Marinette explained to him that she didn’t like when people didn’t receive the recognition they deserved. That she didn’t believe it to be just. And he couldn’t agree more. Especially at that moment.

“I’m actually surprised that the Hawkmoth fellow hasn’t captured one of those bizarre pieces of jewelry yet. He seems to be more efficient than either one of those children I’ll tell you that much.”

Gabriel opened his mouth to reply, probably to agree with the man’s seemingly treasonous comment. But Adrien couldn’t stand by anymore. Not with a remark like that.

“She’s… saved our lives.” He whispered at first, his confidence burning his chest.

He couldn’t even look at his father, but he didn’t care at that moment. He was a hero. And heroes wouldn’t stand by and listen to that. It almost sounded like the man and his son were on Hawkmoth’s side. And if he allowed him to speak further on the matter he probably would admit that he was.

“Adrien-“ His father began, his voice calm but hinted an angry consequential promise.

“No, Gabriel. Let your boy explain himself. This conversation is open to everyone in this table, right?”

Adrien’s hands were still hidden under the tablecloth and he was playing with his ring nervously. Fournier had a smug smile on his face that looked as if he just placed a bet that he knew he was going to win.

What would Marinette do?

What would Chat Noir do?

“Hawkmoth has tried to kill people. He’s akumatized children,” He continued on, Fournier’s brown eyes seeming to darken under the chandelier’s intense light. “These victims are too powerful for the police to handle, so without her, we’d all be goners.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yes.” He quickly responded, his next words seeming rather difficult to spill out from his lips since he knew they carried negative repercussions.  

“Just ask my father. A few months ago, Hawkmoth’s victim was after him, even made it passed our defense system in our home. But she saved his life, our lives.”

Fournier stood silent. His smile was disappearing.

“So, you should be thankful.”

He finally glanced over at his father, and he immediately tensed at his expression. His mouth was in a guarded frown and his eyes were refusing to meet the blond.

He was in deep trouble.

Adrien gulped.

Maybe I went a little too far?

The table was silent for a few seconds before the waiter returned with their dishes. Adrien wasn’t feeling hungry anymore but ate anyway to fill the silence.

“That’s quite a son you have there, Gabriel.” Fournier finally said before stuffing a forkful of salad into his mouth, his voice drenched with sarcasm.

“Thank you.”  

Gabriel rode back home with him. The two sat in the backseat and Adrien was just waiting for the man to finally speak up. He was out of line and they both knew that he didn’t regret what he did.

Adrien sort of felt bad that the Gorilla was going to have to witness all of it. But then again, he always had to listen to their arguments that should’ve been private but never were.

“You disobeyed me.” The man finally began.

Adrien looked at him because he had to and saw his eyes burning into his. He knew that Plagg was awake in his pocket.

“Father, I-“

“I’m not done speaking.” His voice was so monotone and emotionless when he was angry with the blond, and that’s what always made it that much more frightening.

“I asked you to behave. To just eat and listen. But you just had to make a scene. We were there on business, Adrien. Do you believe that what you did was professional behavior?”

He knew his father had a point there, but he also knew that Fournier and his son’s behavior weren’t acceptable either. And that’s what was starting to piss him off. He was the only one getting scolded.

However, he still bowed his head slightly and spoke a defeated and soft “No.” that was barely audible in the silence of the car.

“I want you to email him an apology for your outburst. Tell him that you were feeling ill and that it was clouding your judgement.”

“But I wasn’t-“

“And you will do so by tomorrow night. Do I make myself clear?”

They were almost home and Adrien wanted to hide.

“Yes.”

Gabriel nodded.

Adrien was hurt, angry, and completely vulnerable. However, he decided to bare himself once again to the man, his voice hesitant.

“Father,” He muttered. “Do you think what he said was right? Did you really agree with him?”

“This isn’t about right or wrong or about what I think. This is about you being disobedient and acting selfishly. Do you know how your behavior made me look?”

The teen didn’t say anything.

“I looked as if I had no control over my own child. That I allow you and raised you to act so recklessly. What an embarrassment of a night this was.”

The car finally halted and the sounds of the gates opening made the whole conversation seem much more routine and casual then it actually was. Plagg started to wiggle slightly in place, letting him know that he was there. Or to possibly notify him that he was hungry, Adrien didn’t really care at that moment.

“Of course. My apologies, sir.”

The teen didn’t give his bodyguard any time to open his door. He opened it himself and walked as quickly as he could to the front of his home, Nathalie ringing him in and allowing the front doors to automatically open.  

He ran to his room with no one following behind.

He quickly shut his room door behind him and went to his bed, sitting at the edge with his hands immediately going to his hair, his head ducked in anger and shame. He felt Plagg float out from his pocket but still didn’t look at him, his eyes closed.

“Kid-“

“Didn’t you hear what they said in the restaurant, Plagg?! Was I really in the wrong for standing up for her, for Paris?”

He didn’t really want an answer, his mind just wanting to empty out his thoughts into the void so everything felt less constricting. And Plagg understood that. The kwami didn’t respond and instead rested on his shoulder.

Adrien’s hands were covering his face now and he was tearing up from frustration; He hated it, but he also couldn’t help what he was feeling. He wanted to talk to someone, spill what he felt, but he couldn’t. Plagg would listen, yes. But his friend was never good at really consoling him in times like that and Adrien needed someone to brighten up the mood or at least try.

A part of him wanted to text Nino since his friend was always so positive and charismatic, but it was late and he didn’t want to burden him with the news. When Adrien was down, Nino would get down too and he didn’t like seeing the brunette with a frown on his face. His next thought was Chloe. His childhood friend was tough and harsh, he admitted, but if he told her about everything she’d back up Adrien and probably understand why he defended ladybug in the first place. That would make him feel better. But, she’d most likely ask her father to call Fournier the next day and get him fired or something equally as irrational and that would make matters much worse.

He missed his mom.

He sniffled before he finally rubbed his tired eyes and sat himself up.

“Your cheese should be by the computers, buddy.” He whispered, scratching the top of the god’s head gently to signal him to go on and eat. He wanted to take off his jacket anyway. It was freezing outside and the sprinkling rain from earlier wet his attire slightly. If he was going to pity himself he might as well do it in sweats. Besides, the weather seemed to be picking up more and more since he started hearing thunder, so being in comfortable clothing would probably be much warmer for him. Especially since two of his windows were a tad open and he was too lazy to close them.

He got changed as the kwami began to eat silently beside his desktops. The abrupt sound of the water droplets hitting his window made his limbs feel sleepy and Adrien wondered if his father was still as riled up as he was about the whole situation. What would the man say if he went up to his room to talk to him?

Was he still mad?

Adrien sighed, he probably was.

“Kid, words keeping popping up on those things. I think you should check it out.” Plagg suddenly mumbled before swallowing another piece of camembert.

The blond glanced over at his left to see how his screens were lit up with several email notifications at the bottom. He forgot to turn off his computers before he left.

“Hmm. I think they’re comments for my last chapter.” He stated aloud, mostly to himself.

He bent down slightly once he reached the computers, refusing to sit down since he wanted to take just a brief peek at the several notifications, his eyes skimming them.

“There’s a comment thread.”

“A what?”

His eyes squinted and his brows furrowed as he began to read all the comments and replies from a conversation that a few of his readers were having on his chapter. His chest was beginning to hurt again at the negative possibilities and he didn’t notice that he held his breath.

Chapter 11 of “The Empty Streets of Paris”

           --by   FelineGood16   on FanWorkz.net

Comments (147)

marvelluv92: omg!!! I seriously thought Chat Noir was going to get hurt in this chap?!!?? I mean      I think it would’ve been angsty ;D but also I liked how realistic the fight was! Can’t wait for the next update ;P

book_fangirl: Saw that this fic outranked ‘Late Night Hour’ and my expectations were pretty high but yeah lmao.

              Chat-Noir_Me0w (Reply): @book_fangirl But yeah what?

              book_fangirl (Reply): @Chat-Noir_Me0w I don’t really see why it’s ranked higher than ‘Late Night Hour’. I mean FrenchBeauty95 writes like an actual published author and this fic is just slow? And I’ve seen a lot of mistakes. Though small but yeah it bothers me lmao.

              TulipPrincessOfNYC87 (Reply): @book_fangirl  It’s fanfic. It’s doesn’t have to be perfect. Besides, it seems like FelineGood16 doesn’t have a beta reader. She probably just misses a few things when she proofreads. Lmao.~

              Chat-Noir_Me0w (Reply): @book_fangirl I see what you mean. I mean by chapter 11 in ‘Late Night Hour’ Felix had already confessed. And the plot does seem a bit more developed… but I like this fic too.

              book_fangirl (Reply): @TulipPrincessOfNYC87, @Chat-Noir_Me0w Even if she had a beta it still wouldn’t have blown my mind. I’ve read fics with less than a thousand reads that are better. Just saying that I don’t really get the hype. And yeah, it is waaay more developed. I think I’m going to re-read it right now actually :-)

Adrien’s lips were parted as he reread the thread, his heart feeling battered. He wasn’t good enough for his father today. And it looked like his own writing wasn’t good enough either. He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to focus on what was happening, so before he knew it he was already saying “Claws out.” after he finally inhaled a heavy breath.  

He heard Plagg make a startled noise, but he didn’t give the kwami time to say much more. He was sad, angry, frustrated, and all his emotions were beginning to feel irrepressible. Once he felt his face finally concealed behind his mask, he made his way to one of the open windows and pushed it further with his gloved hand. His baton was now in his grip and he extended it so and felt himself fly and jump throughout the night sky.

Thankfully, it was pouring heavily so the streets were practically empty besides the few tourists that were seemingly trying to look for their hotel. He was all alone by his own will and he took advantage of that fact. He jumped from rooftop to rooftop, testing the power of his baton by extending it as long as he could to give him higher jumps and more momentum. He wanted to get closer to the rain, enjoyed the heat that his adrenaline was giving his body. He kept going until he felt out of breath, only stopping to inhale, and jumping back into action immediately after.  

When he thought of his dad he jumped. When he thought of his story he ran. When he thought of his mother he landed. And so, went the passing minutes, Adrien having been no longer aware of the time or how long he’d been out. He finally rested for a while on the roof of some building he didn’t care too much to think about. He laid flat on his back, his body resting in a puddle that was formed by the ongoing storm. He was soaked to the bone and his hair strands were blocking his eyes.  

He moved them aside lazily and felt his chest rising up and falling along with his rapid breaths. He was exhausted, freezing, and even a little hungry, but he still refused to go back home. He wouldn’t have minded resting on that rooftop for a while longer but he knew that he was going to get sick and began to feel guilty about taking advantage of Plagg the way he had.

He got up and moved again, though much slower than before. The events of that night were still in his mind and he found that rather annoying. The teen wondered if Ladybug had days like that, where she transformed to get away from everything for a while.  

Was her home as empty as his?

He really hoped it wasn’t.

Chat was shivering now, horribly, and he knew that he needed to find shelter quickly before he froze. The reasonable part of him was yelling at him to just go home, shower, and sleep in his comfortable bed. But the other part, the hurt one, was still pulling him to god knows where and he couldn’t help but follow along. That part promised him quick relief and he needed that more than any blanket.

However, when he arrived at Marinette’s balcony he began to question his own judgment.

Why am I here?

Even though his classmate was nowhere near her balcony, he still hid in the shadows, his arms wrapped around himself. He wanted to question his choices, form a plan as to what he would even say to Marinette if she was awake and would even let him in. The girl already knew about his fanfiction, what if she gave him that reassuring Marinette smile and he spilled details that he shouldn’t? It would be too personal, too risky, and too burdensome. But he was so cold and Marinette’s home was cozy and not his own. And besides, Marinette didn’t know he was Adrien or really anything about him. So maybe she wouldn’t press as much and would let him lay on her chaise again as she spoke to him about anything. Marinette’s voice was sweet and soothing and everything she said was important, so would it really be that bad to let himself have that for a while?

He sighed.

Probably, but he didn’t care anymore so he finally walked to the trapdoor and tapped it with the end of his baton. He hoped that she’d lend him a blanket.

He hoped that she’d welcome him in.

After a few seconds, he saw a light appear beneath the glass and he bit his bottom lip in a guilty manner. He forgot momentarily that sleep was an actual thing and that Marinette was probably in the middle of it before he bothered her.

Damn it.

However, before he could even think of what to do, the door opened and Chat got a glimpse of the girl’s wrist and alerted gaze. She didn’t say anything. She simply scanned him up and down before motioning him to come in and releasing the glass slowly to enter her room again.

He smiled sheepishly at that before nodding to himself and following along. The sudden heat from her home embraced him like a thick sweater once he entered. He hummed in comfort and made sure to close the door correctly before lowering himself to her floor with his baton, trying his best to miss her bed so he wouldn’t get anything drenched.

Marinette stood with her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes narrowed as they attempted to adjust to the sudden lighting of the room. She was most definitely asleep and he most definitely had woken her up.  

She did not look pleased whatsoever, though she remained quiet. She was awaiting an explanation.

He placed his baton on his back and cringed once he noticed the small puddle forming under his feet.

“It was um raining.” He started, wanting to slap himself immediately at his greeting.

She rose an eyebrow before yawning loudly, her eyes even closing along with the exaggerated action.

He sighed.

“I’m sorry. I honestly don’t know why I’m here. I didn’t mean to wake you but I was out and cold and-“

He was no longer looking at her and his right hand was rubbing up and down his left bicep nervously.

“Crap, I’m so sorry. I’ll go now. This was stupid. I’m stupid. I-“

“Is there an akuma? Are you hurt?”

Her voice sounded tired yet alert all at the same time. She was scanning him again with her eyes but this time to check for any injuries that he possibly could’ve gotten. He should’ve gone home. He felt that his classmate was going to find it ridiculous that he came to see her just because he was lonely. Maybe even find him pathetic.

He shook his head and embraced himself to warm his body as much as he could, Marinette’s gaze following the movement before she yawned once more and walked herself over to her sink, opening one of the drawers on the side of it to grab a few towels.

Adrien was shivering and suddenly felt embarrassed about how vulnerable and needy he probably looked at that moment. Chat Noir, the superhero of Paris, went to a civilian’s house in the middle of the night for a towel and company.

His cheeks reddened shamefully and he glanced down at his boots, scolding himself mentally yet again for the water he brought in. His father was right, this was an embarrassment of a night.

And it was all his fault.

“Here, if you need another let me know.”

The blond suddenly saw three medium-sized folded towels in his view, being offered by his most generous friend.

He stared at them for a while before he grabbed them slowly, still avoiding the girl’s eyes.

He began to dry himself with each towel, wiping off as much freezing moisture as he could. He made sure to be careful around his claws since he didn’t want to tear any of the towels accidentally. The blue-eyed girl started to snatch each towel from his hand as he finished, however, leaving him with the last one since he was just burying his face in it and refused to let it go.

He couldn’t see Marinette, but he could feel her presence still in front of him. He knew she was watching him but he still didn’t know what she was thinking and wasn’t sure if he even wanted to. She was probably wondering why the blond was smothering himself in a towel like a total idiot. And he probably should start talking to explain himself, but he found that he couldn’t move. His cheeks were still burning.

“Chat, what happened?” She whispered softly instead, her gentle tone having taken the other teen off guard.

His shoulders tensed and he mumbled something into the towel in response, gripping it tighter.

“What? I didn’t understand that. Lift your head up please.”

He sighed and rubbed at his eyes a little more before slowly obliging, pulling the towel away from his face and looking down at the shorter girl. She didn’t look angry or pitying, but more concerned and exhausted. Like she was using half of her energy to stay awake and the other half to form expressions and speak so he was aware that she was serious.

His face was probably still red from humiliation, but Marinette didn’t say anything about it because she was just that freaking wonderful. And oh god why did he have to wake his friend for this? He was the most selfish hero ever. Ladybug wouldn’t do this. Not even the Chat Noir in his story would do this.

“Nothing. I’m sorry for waking you. I’ll… I’ll go.”

He forced an appreciative smile before he started to turn around, towel still in hand. However, he was stopped almost instantly by Marinette’s sudden grip on his wrist.

“Hey, you’re not going anywhere right now. Like you said, you woke me up. So, I need answers.”

“I’m fine,” He turned back around to face her again, her hold still not releasing. “I don’t know why I came. I just did, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

He wasn’t and sadly enough, Marinette knew that too.

“So, this isn’t because of any akuma, right?”

“No. I’m telling you it’s nothing.”

“Did um Ladybug say something to you?”

“No. No. Just – Marinette, please let go of me.”

She did, but her searching expression kept him still.

“It’s something personal then. Something happened in your civilian life.”

He didn’t respond to that and she nodded to herself. Neither of them were sure what to say or do next. He wasn’t allowed to talk about his civilian life with anyone, no matter the circumstance. And even if he could, he didn’t think he’d ever have to heart to tell anyone, let alone Marinette, about his issues. They were too much in his opinion, and would probably make her think differently of him.

He opened his mouth, however, wanting to fill the silence in some way. Wanting to talk about something.

“I updated my story a few days ago.”

She yawned. “Yeah, I saw.”

“There um were a few comments. Bad ones.”

He couldn’t talk about his father, that’s for sure. But Marinette knew about his fanfiction, and he found it relieving that he was able to at least talk about that.

“Oh?”

He nodded solemnly. She leaned her body more on her left, her arms crossed over her chest again with the towels now on the ground beside her feet. She was wearing socks this time.

“What’d they say?”

He scratched the back of his head timidly and shivered a little at the feel of leftover rain water. He had missed some when drying his hair minutes prior. He dried it a bit more with the towel that was still in his hand and fluffed his hair up in the process.

He was still cold and he shrugged.

“They aren’t sure why it has so many views and kept comparing it to this other fanfiction.”

“And they commented this on your story?”

He nodded and she rolled her eyes.

“Those people are jerks.”

He shrugged again and kept scrunching up the towel in his hands.

“They have a right to their own opinion.”

“True. But there’s also a time and a place for everything,” she yawned. “And that wasn’t right of them to complain so openly like that on your story, especially since they knew that you’d see it.”

Marinette looked very bothered by the issue, and it made Adrien feel a bit better knowing that she was taking it seriously even though it was just fanfiction.  It made him feel less stupid for feeling sad about it in the first place.

He didn’t know how to respond so he just hummed instead, his body beginning to shiver a little. His suit was still wet and since he couldn’t just take it off and change into something warmer it was bothering him and starting to get rather uncomfortable. The other teen seemed to realize this since she finally grabbed the towel from his hands along with the ones on the floor and walked herself over to her sink once more. Chat still didn’t move from his place but he watched as she left them on the counter and went over to her closet, opening the doors and pulling out a garment that looked familiar.

It was large and a gray color that was a tad lighter than his suit.

“Put this on, it’ll keep you warm.”

It was the over-sized hoodie she had on the last time.

He shook his head.

“You’ve already done so much. I couldn’t-“

“Come on. You can’t protect Paris with a cold, now can you?”

His hand reached out for just a moment before stopping. He looked up at her face and saw a small reassuring smile playing on her lips, her eyes sparkling in the corners.

Marinette is too pure for this world.

He was smiling now, a tad quirk of his lip.

“Thank you.” He whispered before finally grabbing the garment and putting it on. It was almost as large on him as it was on her when she had worn it. The sleeves weren’t passed his hands, but they did reach down to the very tips of his fingers. And the bottom reached down to his mid-thigh. He wasn’t sure why Marinette owned this hoodie in such a big size, but it was very comfortable and heated so he didn’t question it. However, she answered him anyway since she saw that he kept examining it once it was on him.

“It was my dad’s. But it didn’t fit him anymore so he let me have it.”

“It’s super cozy.”

She giggled at his astonishment.

“It is.”

They finally sat down in their usual spots and talked for a while, Adrien almost forgetting what had happened only a few hours before with his father. Marinette was so alive when she spoke, even when she looked tired as hell. Adrien found that amazing. They were simply discussing the terrible weather that night, and usually a simple topic like that would make him feel a bit bored after a while. But Marinette was so animated with her expressions and hand motions that she made rain seem like the most fascinating thing in the world.

Kind of like Ladybug.

However, the happy feeling faded once Marinette brought up his story again and he started to feel small.

“So, what story where they comparing yours to anyway if you don’t mind me asking?”

“This one called Late Night Hour. It was one of the most popular ones, but um my story has more reads now and that’s why they got mad.”

“Well, I don’t see why. You deserve those reads.”

He shrugged.

“I’m new at this whole writing thing. So, I know that my story probably has a lot of mistakes.”

“A lot of mistakes?”

“Yeah,” He sighed, not really wanting to talk about it anymore since he’d much rather talk to Marinette about insignificant things that made him smile and forget like weather and over-sized hoodies. “Grammar wise, plot wise, et cetera.”

“It seems fine to me.”

Chat snorted.

“I thought you didn’t like it?”

“Like I said before, fanfiction isn’t my thing. But that doesn’t mean your story isn’t well-written.”

He felt a bit of pride fill up his chest at her compliment, his cheeks flushing slightly as he tried to suppress a smile.

“Thanks.”

She nodded.

“I actually started reading the update today before I went to bed. Was planning to finish it in the morning. Pretty good so far.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, the tab’s still open actually. Since I’m awake I might as well finish it now.”

Wait. What?!

They both got up at the same time, though Chat in a more urgent-like manner, his eyes wide.

“You’re gonna finish it now?!”

“Yeah, why not?”

“With me in the room?”

“Uh yeah,” She chuckled at his flustered appearance. “This way I can also prove to you that those people were just jerks and that your plot is just fine.”

She walked passed him to reach her computer and his eyes followed her movement, his mouth now hung open with his complexion red as ever.

“Marinette! You s-should sleep! Yeah, worry about this later!”

Did Adrien want his classmate to read his chapter? Of course. But he wanted her to read it when he was gone and she was alone, and there was no pressure on him. Having her read it right in front of him would be almost overwhelming and just so raw. He’d see her reactions first-hand. He would be able to tell what she liked, what she didn’t like by just her facial features and the boy would feel like he was completely naked right before her eyes.

What if she hated it and didn’t even react one bit because it was just that boring? The chapter was around five-thousand words long. What would he even do in that silence for that amount of time? It would be too nerve-racking.

And besides, Adrien already felt terrible enough for waking her in the first place. He didn’t want to take up her whole night.

“I’ll be fine.”

She went back to drag her rolling chair over to the screens, sitting herself down and moving her mouse around to brighten the screen again. She was right when she told him that she was reading it only a few hours ago. His story immediately popped up and he sat back down on the chaise, his claws digging into the hoodie material covering his palms nervously.

Oh my god. OH MY GOD.

He knew that this was probably karma for having stormed out of his room before Plagg could even finish his cheese. Though, the kwami was busy at the moment, he knew that he could hear and see everything that was happening. Adrien was so going to get an earful later.

“Marinette, really I-“

“Shhhhh. I’m trying to read.”

Chat buried his face in his hands and groaned, refusing to move from his spot so he could only see the back of Marinette’s head if he were to look up at her.

She was reading, she was actually freaking finishing the chapter and the blond was dying internally in more ways than one. He didn’t even know what part she was on and what parts she’d already read. Would she even think the akuma was original? Maybe he should’ve added more detail to his costume.

The room grew silent for a few minutes, the only sounds being the now light rain hitting Marinette’s window and the girl’s several yawns. Adrien felt bad, he honestly did. But he couldn’t do anything. Marinette was determined to finish this chapter and wouldn’t let anyone stop her.

And the fact that he admired that quality about her was frustrating him even more.

She started to make a few comments here-in-there as she read, allowing the boy to engage in the reading along with her. Possibly to make him more comfortable about the whole thing. And at first it wasn’t really helping his nerves at all, but then she started chuckling at a few jokes and complimenting small sentences and Adrien went from avoiding her gaze completely to having his whole focus on her. He even eventually walked over to her and sat on the floor beside her feet, enjoying her company and the way her eyebrows would knit together in concentration when she was reading the fight scene. She was getting into it and Chat found that fascinating.

And slightly cute but he immediately ignored that thought as soon as it entered his mind.

Time went by and before he knew it, she was done and looking down at him with a small smile and a satisfied nod.

He could’ve cried he was so relieved.

“It was alright?”

“Yeah. That akuma was really intense. And I enjoyed reading the fight sequence. There were a few grammar mistakes but those could be easily fixed.”

“Oh, really? Where?”

He stood up with a soft smile on his face, standing right next to the girl when he was on both feet. Marinette scrolled up and down through the story pointing out a few errors and explaining things that Adrien jotted down in his mind to change later.

Marinette was so kind and he wished he was closer to the girl as Adrien so he could thank her properly for everything she’d done for him the past couple of weeks by buying her lunch or really anything that would show his appreciation. But he couldn’t so he instead thanked her as properly and as genuinely as he could as he got ready to leave moments later.

“Marinette, thank you honestly so much for everything. I really appreciate this.”

They were by her circular window, Marinette having opened it for him to leave. It stopped raining and Adrien was feeling both refreshed and tired at the same time. He wouldn’t have minded staying longer, but he didn’t want to overstay his welcome and he felt that Plagg would kill him if he had to hold the transformation much longer.

“No problem.” She responded before yawning.

“Get some sleep, okay?”

She nodded.

“You too. And also, before you go,” Her hands clasped together and she swung them a bit, her eyes on them for a few seconds before she met his gaze once more. “Do you have anyone you can talk to about what happened?”

The small smile he had faded and he rose an eyebrow in confusion.

“About what happened? With my story or-“

She shook her head, “No, with what really happened. The reason you came tonight.”

Oh yeah, he’d almost forgotten about what happened with his father. He was going to have to return now and write that damn email. And pretend as if nothing happened the next time he’d see him. Which probably wouldn’t be for a few days knowing how the man was busy.

He forced a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine, princess.”

“You can come back you know.”

He scrunched up his eyebrows and felt the smile fall.

She cleared her throat and squeezed her hands before continuing, her voice hesitant.

“If you ever need a critique or some editing on your chapter or…you just want to talk, as vague as you want, you can.”

He honestly didn’t know what to respond. His heart was too busy clenching to help him out and his words were stuck in his throat.

She wouldn’t mind if he came back.

Holy shit.

“I um,” this time he cleared his throat. “I-I’d like that. Thank you.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

He was smiling genuinely now since he couldn’t help it and she mirrored his expression.

“Goodnight, Chat Noir.”

“Goodnight.”

With one final wave, he brought out his staff and extended it, jumping himself out of his friend’s home and into the night once more. He was already half way to his house when he realized that he was still wearing her hoodie.

He smiled.

Looked like he was going to have to return it.

[brevoorthistoryofcomics]

Now this is an important comic book for me–but that didn’t stop me from trading it to my neighbor Johnny Rantinella at some point. Later on, I wound up trading again to get it back. And why? The Doom Patrol, baby! Near the pinnacle of my personal favorite DC series, this was my first encounter with the World’s Weirdest Heroes as they were called on the cover. About that cover–it’s a real mess. Those Titans figures look like they were assembled out of spare parts–what’s going on with Donna’s leg? And Speedy’s face looks oddly old and ill-expressioned. It’s an ugly piece of work. But it had Kid Flash prominently featured, and it was an issue of SUPER-TEAM FAMILY, a regular purchase, so that got me to pick it up.

The opening story is a Teen Titans adventure from the early 1970s, when DC was struggling to find a way to connect with a changing young audience. During this period, the Titans had renounced their costumed identities and super-powers after a major failure, dedicating themselves to becoming better and more responsible people. This only lasted a few issues, but the fallout could still be seen by the time of this story, which tries its best to keep the super heroes out of costume and out of the story, and focuses on problems that might be relevant to a college-age audience instead.

After a brief preamble, the story opens up with Wally West accompanying his grandfather, the absent-minded Professor Ira West to Elford College, which Wally is considering attending once he graduates. Touring the grounds, Wally comes across a student, Johnny Adler, being jumped by a mob of other students. becoming Kid Flash, he rescues the kid, and learns what’s going on: the university psychologist has been performing illegal brain operations on them, implanting them with a tiny device that will make them compliant, good students. Johnny fled upon learning of this, but has been pursued by the Doctor and his mesmerized students ever since.

Needing to depart with his grandfather, Wally doubles back later with his fellow Teen Titans–but by this point Johnny’s hideout has been discovered and trashed, with the kid himself missing. Te Titans shuck their costumes to investigate the campus only to be attacked themselves by the robotic students–and now out of uniform, they can’t use their powers without revealing themselves (Yes, I know this doesn’t really make any sense–just go with it.)

In the midst of this, the now-robotic Johnny rebels against the impulse to kill. He makes his way to the Psychiatrist’s office, clobbers him and calls of the kids. So the Titans don’t really do much of anything to solve the problem. (They do exchange some cringe-inducing quips with a strong racial undercurrent, as seen above. Even in 1976, these lines made me uneasy, as did the idea of the brain implants.) The story ended with a plug for the new TEEN TITANS series that was launching, but I’d never find the first issue of the revival, much as I might have wanted to.

But the main event was coming up! The Doom Patrol was creator Arnold Drake’s attempt to apply some of what Stan Lee was doing in terms of creating super heroes with personalities and problems to the standard DC formula. And especially at first, it worked great, and had a flavor all its own. The Doom Patrol are all survivors of tragedy, all of whom have had their lives destroyed and come out the other side with relatively middling super-powers, but who have banded together to make the most of their situation despite being considered sideshow freaks even by the people who cheer them on.

This particular reprint introduces the Patrol’s opposite number, the international Brotherhood of Evil. Led by the Brain–who is just that, a disembodied brain in a jar–the Brotherhood included Mallah, a gorilla raised to a genius through scientific means, Madame Rouge, a femme fatale who at this point couldn’t yet change shape, and a number of other operatives. A criminal, Morden, wants membership in the Brotherhood, and as his audition, he’s stolen Rog, a giant robot the Doom Patrol’s mysterious Chief built to aid in space exploration. The Doom Patrol must contend with Rog’s destructive power as it tries to make off with the Statue of Liberty (The Brotherhood is based in France, did I mention that?)

Contending with this problem were a trio of the weirdest super heroes I had ever seen. They included Rita Farr, Elasti-Girl, who could expand or reduce her body but whose powers were killing her, Larry Trainor, Negative Man, who was swathed head-to-toe in mysterious bandages and who could release a sort of energy genie from his body for 60 seconds at a time to carry out attacks and instructions, and Cliff Steele, Robotman, a daredevil race car driver who had cracked up his car, burnt his body to a crisp, but whose brain was transplanted into a mechanical form by the Patrol’s mysterious Chief, a wheelchair-bound genius who, at least when this story was created, concealed his true identity even from his teammates. The Patrol and the Brotherhood clash repeatedly in this story, but the most the DP are able to pull out is a draw, saving the State and driving off the brotherhood, but not really capturing or defeating them. 

For whatever reason, editor Joe Orlando had the teams green uniforms colored red in this story, a color they would change to later on in their run. This confused me when I eventually read the story in which they got their new costumes, where nothing much seemed to have changed. Also, this ad at the end of the Doom Patrol story teased me once again with the SECRET ORIGINS OF THE SUPER DC HEROES book, which reprinted the origin stories of most all of the DC heroes, including the Flash. But it was way too expensive for me to afford, so I was going to have to wait until Christmas before I’d be able to lay hands on it, a long wait.

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

The AU where everything is the same except Alix is Chat Noir

I’m compiling it all into one post because why not, I’m ill and sleepy and for some reason thought this was a good idea, basically it’s just “Alix is Chat Noir and Marinette is super duper gay”

@yourfavouritekindoftrash HERE YOU GO HERE’S THE REST OF IT

Fu doing that “help me up I’m an old man” thing @Adrien but our lil pink-haired rollerskating bean gets there first like “here you go here’s your stick thing” then sees poor sunshine child not being allowed to go to school so she’s like *scares away Nathalie and the gorilla* “idk who you are but you’re my friend now bc you should totally be allowed to go to school and I will protect you” and Fu’s like “ok she’s hardcore I’ll give the ring to her instead lol”

ALSO THIS MEANS ALIX AND ADRIEN WOULD BE BEST FRIENDS IN THIS AU I’M SO HAPPY

(Nino’s still there too okay) (he’s now best friends with Mylene and sits with her, I’m so happy about that too) (Nino and Mylene… dang now that’s a brotp I can get behind)

Adrien can now stand up to Chloe’s bad behaviour because he has his Cool Tough Punk Friend backing him up all the time, anyways no one’s scared of him but everyone is scared of Alix who will fight you

Umbrella scene: “Adrien let me borrow his umbrella bc he takes the limo home but??? I have a hoodie??? I don’t need this??? Marinette here you go” “asjdhaksjskjdfh you’re cute I MEAN THANK YOU”

The Animan Episode tho. Adrien having a crush on Marinette and ENDING UP WITH ALYA OMG THIS AU HAS ALYADRIEN I’M SUPER DUPER HAPPY NOW

The watch never gets broken because Alix gives it straight to Adrien like “protect this with your life” and he actually does because this is his cool best friend’s watch so NO CHLOE YOU CAN’T HAVE IT

Dark Cupid episode… “Roses are red, I’m aro ace as hell, Valentines Day is overrated, but I think you’re kinda not that bad I guess…” “TIKKI DO YOU THINK SHE’S TALKING ABOUT ME” “Marinette it doesn’t even rhyme” “SHE LOVES ME TIKKI IT’S A LOVE POEM”

Omg Ladybug and Chat Noir would still have a height difference, just… the other way round

Pharaoh episode “okay yeah we have to de-akumatize my brother– I MEAN THAT RANDOM GUY WHO I AM DEFINITELY NOT RELATED TO BECAUSE I’M DEFINITELY NOT SECRETLY ALIX OR ANYTHING”

Mari: “Who is Chat Noir??? We just don’t know???” Alya: “So if you photoshop a mask and costume on Alix she kinda looks like–” Mari: “NOOOO THAT’S RIDICULOUS SHE CAN’T BE CHAT NOIR EVEN THOUGH SHE’S TINY AND HAS PINK HAIR AND LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE HER AND”

Reflekta episode, oh my goodness poor Alix ending up having to be TALL and fighting in HEELS and a big flouncy pink DRESS and good lord the horror (I mean she got transformed in the original episode too but anyways)

Omg that statue in Copycat, imagine Chat!Alix being like “um excuse me I’m actually taller than Ladybug???” aksdhkajsdh (and also “Theo wth you’re like way too old for Ladybug also she’s gay so back off she’s mine”)

On that note, MARINETTE STEALS ALIX’S PHONE (which was pointless anyway because it’s connected to her smartwatch, duh)

Pigeon episode is unfortunately less silly without Chat sneezing at feathers every two seconds

The Volpina episode just wouldn’t happen because Alya would immediately tell Lila “sorry Adrien’s my boyfriend” so Lila wouldn’t steal the book or get akumatized and yeah

The Ladynoir kiss is now gay, you’re welcome

[papermoonloveslucy]

Lucy and the Monsters

S3;E18~ January 25, 1965

Synopsis

When Lucy and Viv decide to check out the horror movies their boys have been watching, Lucy has a nightmare in which she and Viv are trapped in a haunted castle where they encounter a variety of horror movie characters - until their host turns them into witches themselves!  

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Carmichael), Vivian Vance (Vivian Bagley), Gale Gordon (Theodore J. Mooney), Jimmy Garrett (Jerry Carmichael), Ralph Hart (Sherman Bagley)

Ralph Hart’s face is completely hidden by a Frankenstein mask and he has no dialogue, merely grunts. Viv says “I’m not even sure that is my son under that mask.” This is his first ‘appearance’ since “Lucy’s Contact Lenses” (S3;E10) two months earlier.

Candy Moore (Chris Carmichael) does not appear in this episode.

Guest Cast

George Barrows (Loretta, the Gorilla Maid) played a gorilla in his very first screen credit, Tarzan and His Mate (1934).  He donned the gorilla suit 18 more times from 1954 to 1978. His final simian character was on “The Incredible Hulk.”  This is his first appearance on “The Lucy Show” and he will return as a gorilla in two more.  He also played human characters on two episodes. 

Bob Burns (Ringo, the Werewolf Butler) also played the wolf man in two episodes of TV's “The Adventures of The Spirit” in 1963.  Like George Barrows, Burns played many on-screen gorillas, including on an episode of “My Three Sons” in 1966.  Burns was a good friend of Glenn Strange, the last actor to play Frankenstein in a Universal horror film.  He is also a world renown archivist and historian of props, costumes, and other screen used paraphernalia from science fiction, fantasy, and horror movies. One of his prized possessions is the the wolf's cane handle from The Wolf Man (1941).

The character’s unique moniker is likely a nod to the Beatles’ Ringo Starr.  Early in their career’s the Beatles were known for their long hair!

Jan Arvan (The 'Head' of the Household) played a waiter in Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy in 1955 and a gypsy on “The Munsters” ten years later.  From 1953 to 1971 he was a regular on “The Red Skelton Show” on CBS, often playing Klem Kadiddlehopper's father.  This is his only appearance with Lucille Ball.  

Sid Haig (The Mummy) was first employed by Desilu in a 1962 episode of “The Untouchables.” This “Lucy Show” marks his fourth of more than 140 screen credits. He was also seen in a 1969 episode of “Here’s Lucy.”  Haig appeared in the horror re-boots Night of the Living Dead 3D (2006) and Halloween (2007).

James Gonzales (Morris, the Chair) was a popular Hollywood extra who first acted with Lucille Ball in the 1953 film The Long, Long Trailer. He was previously seen on the series as Stan Williams in “Lucy Digs Up a Date” (S1;E2). He was seen in more than 20 episodes of “The Lucy Show” and 3 episodes of “Here’s Lucy.”

The character name puns on the Morris Chair, an early type of reclining chair by Morris & Company first marketed around 1866. Gonzales is completely concealed by the chair costume and does not speak.

Shepard Sanders (Costume Party Count Dracula) played a psychic on an episode of the TV series “Werewolf” in 1987. This is his only appearance with Lucille Ball.  

Several other costumed party-goers appear uncredited in the final scene, but do not speak. They may have been played by the other ‘monsters’ in Lucy’s dream.

Series Camera Coordinator Maury Thompson (above left) and assistant director / associate producer Tommy Thompson (above right) came up with the premise for this episode and receive screen credit for the story.

The episode opens with Lucy reading a magazine article titled “Psychological Reactions in Adolescents to Terror-Inspiring Visual Stimulation”:  

“The over-abundance of spooky stuff in movies and TV can cause traumatic experience in our youngsters.”

Lucy reports that Jerry and Sherman are at the State Theater to see the double-feature The Surfing Werewolf and The Eggplant That Ate Philadelphia. Both of these are fictional films. This is the first mention of the State movie theatre. The Bijou and The Danfield Theatre were both mentioned in “No More Double Dates” S1;E21).  

The title The Eggplant That Ate Philadelphia may have been inspired by the 1960 low-budget comedy / horror film The Little Shop of Horrors, about a mysterious eggplant-shaped plant that thrives on human blood and could be an alien sent to conquer earth. One of the film’s stars, Jackie Joseph, was married to Lucille Ball protégé Ken Berry and would appear on “Here’s Lucy” (using her married named) in 1969.

Jerry wears a black cape and Sherman wears a Frankenstein mask. Other than this visual image, the Frankenstein monster is not mentioned or depicted in the dream. Frankenstein and Dracula were already represented on CBS by “The Munsters” (1964-66) on Thursday nights. The series imagined the Universal monsters in a family-based sitcom similar to “Father Knows Best.”  

Jerry (and later Lucy) use a Remco “Signal Action Ray Space Gun”. Starting in the 1950s, Remco made many variations on this gun, including different colors. It is likely that the electronic sound heard on the soundtrack was added in post-production.

The mothers resolve to check out these movies for themselves.

VIV: “I haven’t seen a movie with a monster since Gone With The Wind.” LUCY: “There was no monster in Gone With The Wind.” VIV: “You didn’t see my date!”

Lucille Ball was considered for the role of Scarlett O'Hara during the 1939 film's initial casting. The role eventually went to British actress Vivian Leigh (right). The cinema classic will be mentioned several times throughout the series and on “Here’s Lucy.”  

Gale Gordon gets a smattering of entrance applause from the studio audience.  Mr. Mooney jokingly hums a few bars of “Funeral March” to scare Lucy and Viv. Frédéric Chopin's composition is formally known as Piano Sonata No. 2 in B Flat Minor, Opus 35 and was completed in 1839.  

Mr. Mooney mentions his wife, but not by name. Vivian mentions her husband, but also does not use his name. In other episodes, we discover they are named Irma and Ralph, respectively. Both characters remain unseen throughout the series.

Throwing his coat over his shoulders like a cape, Mr. Mooney says 

“It isn't a fit night out for man nor beast!” 

This is a paraphrase of a quote spoken by W.C. Fields in the 1933 film short The Fatal Glass of Beer, which was NOT a horror movie! More beastly wordplay happens later when Dracula (Mr. Mooney) turns the expression “Heavens to Betsy” into “Heavens to Beastie”! 

This is only the second time a scene has taken place in Lucy's bedroom. The first was in “Lucy Buys a Sheep” (S1;E5).  

Lucy protects herself from monsters by wearing a garlic necklace (to ward off evil spirits) and holding one of Jerry's wooden tent stakes (the only way to kill a vampire). Both of these tactics are part of the vampire mythology as set forth in Bram Stoker's 1897 novel Dracula.

The monster characters featured are mostly from the Universal Studios pantheon of monsters: Dracula (1931), The Mummy (1932) and The Wolf Man (1941). Background player Monty O'Grady was a villager in The Wolf Man and later appeared in 14 episodes of “The Lucy Show” and 6 episodes of “Here's Lucy.”  One of Universal's most famous monsters was The Bride of Frankenstein (1935), played by Elsa Lanchester. Lanchester guest-starred as a possible hatchet murderess on “Off To Florida” (ILL S6;E6) and as a hardened criminal in “Lucy Goes To Prison,” a 1973 episode of “Here's Lucy.” The Bride of Frankenstein is also mentioned in “Lucy Writes a Play” (ILL S1;E17). Universal Studios theme parks in Hollywood and Florida later hosted a Lucille Ball exhibit, also selling collectible merchandise and souvenirs.

Count Dracula (Mr. Mooney) calls his werewolf butler by the name 'Ringo.' This is a joke about Ringo Starr of the Beatles, a popular singing group known for their long and shaggy hairstyles. The Beatles have been mentioned several times on “The Lucy Show.” 1965 saw the release of their motion picture Help!

When Lucy and Viv are transformed into witches, they quote the Weird Sisters from William Shakespeare's MacBeth: 

“Double double, toil and trouble. Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.”

To find out who is the prettiest witch, Lucy and Viv ask the magic mirror by saying “Mirror, mirror on the wall; Who's the fairest of them all?” This is the same query the Evil Queen asks her magic mirror in the 1937 animated Disney film Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. In the original Brothers Grimm story that the film is based upon, however, the question posed is “Who is the most beautiful in all the land?”  

In the dream sequence, witch Lucy calls witch Viv 'Sassafrassa.' This is actually the name Lucille Ball gave an imaginary childhood friend who assured her she would one day be a movie star. Once she moved  from Jamestown to nearby Celoron, Lucy would often call her best friend Pauline Lopus 'Pauline Sassafrassa.' Other sources say Lucille Ball imagined herself to be a famous film star named 'Sassafrassa.'  

A mouse also scares Lucy and Viv in “Vivian Sues Lucy” (S1;E10). That episode also features an insert shot of a live mouse. Women being afraid of mice was a typical TV trope of the time.  

When the Mummy tries to help strap Lucy to the operating table, she snaps and says “Please, Mummy! I’d rather do it myself!” The studio audience reacts with a big laugh of recognition. Here’s why…

In 1962, an advertisement for Anacin pain reliever featured a mother trying to assist her grown daughter prepare a meal. “Don’t you think it needs a little salt?”, the mother would say, only to have her nerve-racked daughter shout, “Mother, please, I’d rather do it myself!" Variations on this scenario became popular and were parodied a number of times, including in the Allan Sherman song "Headaches” (”Mother, don't hand me those pills from the shelf, I’d rather do it myself”), the 1966 film The Silencers, and the 1980 film Airplane. 

A year and a day after this “Lucy Show” episode, “My Mother The Car” (starring Lucy’s pal Ann Sothern) aired an episode titled “I’d Rather Do It Myself, Mother” (S1;E20). Coincidentally, the show’s music was by Ralph Carmichael, a real-life combination of VIv’s ex-husband’s first name, and Lucy’s last name! 

Callbacks!

Two years earlier, in the first frame of the June 1963 “The Lucy Show” Gold Key comic book, Viv also feared monsters!  And shaggy dogs, apparently! Ironically, a shaggy dog was featured in the very first episode of “The Lucy Show”.  

This is the first time there has been a 'dream sequence' on “The Lucy Show.” In “Ricky's Old Girlfriend” (ILL S3;E12) Lucy dreams of what life would be like without Ricky if he left her for Carlotta Romero, a sexy Cuban dancer. The dream takes her 25 years into the future.

The most famous dream sequence on “I Love Lucy” was “Lucy Goes To Scotland” (ILL S5;E17) where Lucy Ricardo imagines re-visiting her relatives in Scotland, but dreams in the musical comedy format. Except for the brief opening and closing scenes, the entire episode is comprised of a dream.

The witch voice Lucy uses is very similar to the one she used as the witch in “Little Ricky’s School Pageant” (ILL S6;E10) with a hint of Camille, the Queen of the Gypsies in “The Operetta” (ILL S2;E5).

When witch Lucy and witch Viv try to flee Dracula's castle, the escape turns into an impromptu square dance, with the Head as the caller. This is similar to the impromptu escape that helps the Ricardos and the Mertzes get out of Bent Fork in “Tennessee Bound” (ILL S4;E14). In that episode, Ernie Ford was the caller. 

Lucy Ricardo disguised herself as an armchair when spying on the “New Neighbors” (ILL S1;E21). Like the Morris chair in this episode, Lucy's arms also were the arms of the chair.

Fast Forward!

In a 1970 episode of “Here’s Lucy,” Lucy Carter met the Crown Prince of Horror, Vincent Price.

Trying to flee Count Dracula’s mansion, Lucy and Viv search for a secret passageway in the fireplace, touching all the stones, just like Lucy Carter did when trying to find Mumsie Westcott’s loot in “Lucy Goes To Prison” (HL S5;E18).

Blooper Alerts!

Calendar Conundrum!  This would have made a fun Halloween episode, but instead it inexplicably airs for the first time in January.  

Sitcom Logic Alert!  Mr. Mooney drops by the Carmichael home on the premise of hand-delivering Lucy’s bank statement. As usual, he leaves the door wide open for the duration of his scene.

Sitter Situation! Lucy and Viv recruit Mr. Mooney to 'babysit’ with Jerry and Sherman, but it is not clear why Chris (now in her late teens) cannot watch them or even where she might be.

Whose Bed Is It Anyway? Although they are supposedly sleeping in Lucy’s bedroom, the bed frame and the painting above the bed are the same ones seen in Viv’s bedroom in previous episodes.  

Layout Logic! Lucy’s bedroom in “Lucy Buys a Sheep” (S1;E5) has a completely different layout than this one. The rocking chair and the white wood dresser, however, are the same.

On / Off! In the bedroom, as Viv reaches for the switch, Lucy yells for her not to turn off the lights but the light switch is already in the 'off’ position.

Made For TV Garlic! When Lucy shakes her garlic necklace to ward off the evil spirits, the hollow sound it makes indicates that they are fabricated cloves and not real garlic.

Quick Thinking Viv! When the telephone booth door is flung open to reveal the skeleton, it immediately starts to swing shut again, but Viv quickly grabs it with her right hand and holds it open so the skeleton can be seen on camera and by the studio audience, thus neatly avoiding a re-take. 

Ouch!  Backing out of the fireplace, Vivian Vance bumps her head on the mantle. She doesn’t react vocally, but does grab her head when it happens. The ‘Head’ sees the entire incident.

Check the Gate for Crew! When Lucy and Viv are strapped to a table so Dracula can turn them into witches, the screen fades to black for the commercial break and the head of a crew member prominently enters the camera frame on the right. Unfortunately, the newest DVD release did not eliminate this goof by cropping the frame, as they have done with other bloopers. This same mistake also happened on “I Love Lucy.”

Soggy Bottom! When the potted plant spits up the year-old tea, the spray lands on the tan sofa, making a large wet mark where Viv (dressed in pajamas) is supposed to sit. She scoots over a bit to avoid the wet patch. The sofa stays wet for the rest of the episode. When the magic mirror comes crashing down to the floor rather than saying who is the fairest in the land, Lucy or Viv, part of the Styrofoam wall behind it also caves in!  

Mirror, Mirror on the Floor! When the magic mirror comes crashing down to the floor part of the Styrofoam wall behind it also caves in!  

“Lucy and the Monsters” rates 3 Paper Hearts out of 5