#In fact as a kid I always read her with a Russian accent. Idk why

[bonefall]

Advice for clanmew speaking structure: just say it in a Yoda voice. If it vaguely sounds like Yoda's speaking structure you did it congrats

This is accurate because that is actually how they make Yoda sound so odd. OSV (Object, Subject, Verb) word order is the rarest default order of all languages, to the point where it was once thought it didn't exist.

It does exist though! In some Amazonian languages, AND in some sign languages. But, anyway, point being that it's so rare that it's almost universally odd.

So if you make a character use OSV, like the writers usually do with Midnight in canon, you can tell there IS grammar, but that it isn't "normal." Either that they're not speaking their native tongue or wording their sentences in an uncanny way.

English, and Lakemew, are SVO. Clanmew is OSV.

English/Lakemew: Midnight teaches math

Midnight is the Subject, the thing that is doing. Teaching is the Verb, what she is doing. Math is the Object, the thing being done unto.

Clanmew: Math Midnight she-teaching.

See how they have swapped? And how there is a pronoun attached to the verb? You are ALWAYS expressing your relationship to the Subject in a Clanmew sentence. Their language is built around affirming in-groups and out-groups.

(Honestly she probably forgets about the lack of a first person pronoun pretty often and accidentally refers to herself in the third person a lot... making a mental note to self.)

[marxsgrandson]

“You’re not Russian, you’re just American with some Russian blood”- my Israeli PS professor (who is neither Russian nor American nor knows anything about me)

Long post ahead: read it if you’d like but mostly just hoping there’s someone else who can relate to the feelings I’m about to express. So here goes:

Had an unbelievably shitty day today.

I’m in this one political science class. It always ends up somehow ruining my mood. It’s the one with the shitty German men who confronted me in a group after class accusing me of being uncritical towards the Soviet Union, being an antisemite (lol these aryan guys were calling me an antisemite. Like they’re confirmed non-Jewish) and being a dumbass for not idk sucking Gorbachev’s dick personally would be the next leap there. Idk if I posted that here, but it’s necessary context.

Anyways today we were talking about Russia’s motive in x place and just jumping around to every unrelated topic about something about Russia because our class always gets sidetracked and never finishes the lesson we were supposed to do. And of course the Europeans were being pieces of shit.

And the prof said something like “I wish we had Russians in the class to offer maybe a Russian perspective too... like gosh that would be nice. Do we have any Russians?” And I sort of tentatively raised my hand half way because I’m half Russian and when she was looking around the room and didn’t see me, I said “I’m half Russian and this is actually something I heard and talked a lot about growing up, I could take a try at it”

“You’re not Russian, you’re just American with a little Russian blood” she said, dismissing me entirely as the class laughed like it was the funniest thing they’ve ever heard. I now realize what it means when people say they feel stung. I was paralyzed by those words and I don’t really know why. What makes it hurt more is that starting two seconds later she called on a series of five German douchebags to try and explain Russia’s motives and says “huh that’s an interesting idea” after each of them say something painfully obviously wrong. And I felt frozen.

If given the chance to unfreeze myself, I wish I said what I was feeling but didn’t have words for: “Hey. That’s not true. Russian was the language I said my first words in. It’s the language of my childhood and my soul. It connected me to something I felt distant from during the school day. I taught myself to read this language as soon as my mom taught me the alphabet as a little kid. I went to Russian school on the weekends when I was young. I worked hard to keep up this language even though I went through shit from my peers for it. I was the only speaker of this language I knew that was my age after the age of 10. The only other time I’d hear it was when my mom criticized me, wanted to manipulate me (because I told her she sounded sweeter in Russian so she used that to her advantage in making my life hell) bc my brother stopped speaking at a young age.

The only reason I have this connection is because I’ve never worked harder for anything else in my life. I took years of Russian lit courses (in Russian) at the local uni when I was in high school. Until then I’d only done math and reading (just for fun not for school) in Russian. Having learning and sight disabilities and being expected to keep up with both college and high school class and workloads was overwhelming at times. Like I was 14, this wasn’t an “easy A” as my friends joked, it was a college level literature course. But I loved it like nothing else. It was an oasis of peace during my adolesence just getting to hear my dearest language spoken by both native speakers and those who adopted it just because of their love for it. It was the first time I realized that this aspect of me isn’t shameful. Plus, the college kids treated me like I was such a hotshot because I grew up speaking the language and I was like a tiny 14 year old in a russia Olympic jacket and a bowl cut so that made my life. Just getting to be around places where for once, I understood everything that was being said in the exact emotion it was intended, having my cultural touchstones be the norm and that I got to interact with instantly more people in this language was really special.

Maybe what pissed me off so much is not only that I think it’s wrong, but that I think she’s right. My experience is different from a Russian experience, which is why I never claimed to be Russian even when I was the most Russian person in that classroom. My experience of being Russian (Jewish) (Italian)American is as much a story of love and connection as it is of shame and disconnection. It is the story of pain feeling inadequate to everyone, always. When I was six, kids were already refusing to play with me because their parents told them I was a spy or an enemy (which wtf who parents their kid like that) just because I talked about visiting my family in the summer (which is a normal thing to do) and gd forbid they live in RUSSIA. The bullshit hasn’t stopped since. My entire childhood, my mom was vigilant about who I was allowed to tell about being Russian because of it. I thought Russian a really important language to people here. I thought they cared about us. I thought someone else who didn’t have to care about us, fucking cared about us Russian Jews. How can a fellow Jew, an academic, not understand the inherent pluralism of Jewish and Russian experiences when she’s lived in this country surrounded by Russian Jews her whole life?

And I get it. I’m not technically Russian. I don’t have a Russian passport. I didn’t grow up in Russia and that still means there’s always someone more qualified to answer certain questions. But I didn’t think it was going to be some goyische fucking German. Cuz at least I saw saturated with these types of discussions about Russian politics, not being allowed to voice my opinion bc these are Russian jewish middle aged and older people lol kids don’t have valid opinions to them, but listening intently since infancy. I watched Russian news and tv shows (we didn’t have money for both English and Russian language tv so my mom chose the Russian tv channels) on the rare occasion I sat in front of the tv. I hung around Russian speakers more than English speakers (of my parent’s age and older) for most of my childhood until this year. And it’s not just the language, it’s the culture too. It’s the fact that no one around me shared these cultural touchstones growing up. and I didn’t share their American ones even though I grew up in the US.

But trips to Russia didn’t make me feel understood in the ways I craved it would. My family always commented on how amazingly I spoke Russian «просто без акцента!» (without an accent) *insert kisses from relatives you don’t even know who they are but they know everything about you* so I was always kind of aware that I couldn’t seamlessly fit in there either. Especially when in my mom’s small town, children who played with me had literally never seen someone with my color of skin and told me I looked “dirty” which catalyzed my whole washing my hands till my arms got dry and peeled and being frightened that I wasn’t getting “cleaner” and then getting diagnosed with my second subset of OCD at the age of seven. I had so many fond memories of my mom’s hometown. So much nostalgia. But I also have memories which pain me, like the many times I was chased out of stores or once in a doctor’s office because the person assumed I was Roma because of my appearance (like I said, small town). Things got even worse when the school I went to summer camp/summer classes in my mom’s hometown found out I was JEWISH. Oof. My mom convinced me that I was betraying my culture and my ancestors and alienating myself from my grandmother when I came out to her at 11, when I cut my hair after three years of her daily verbal harassment in my mother tongue (she knew it hurts more like that). She said if I wanted to continue “on this path” I would lose all connection to Russia.... “and you don’t want that, do you?” Suffice it to say, I got the message pretty young that I don’t belong in Russia either.

My whole life I’ve been translating half of my world to the other half of my world. And within each of these worlds I must translate my contexts many fold times more. (My Babushka still doesn’t know why I’m putting “poison” in my body for what she sees as a character flaw because she just doesn’t have the context for what ADHD is and the way I was taught to translate it in Russian is «дефицит внимание» or “deficit of attention/carefulness” which as far as she’s concerned is just an American invention for what could really be solved if I just sat more still.) And this has made my world so much richer to be lucky enough to have two native languages in which I learned how to express myself and gave me two whole realms through which to intimately understand the world and all of its nuances. You gain a family when you speak a language. It’s unlike anything else! It was even more special that I got to add Arabic at 12 and now Hebrew. I’m so lucky. But an inherent downside of being taught world views that conflict with each other in some very fundamental ways is really hard when you’re autistic and have ADHD because you have to juggle not just one set of social cues and norms, but two (or more, shout out to the multilinguals from childhood). It’s hard but it’s important and I’m so lucky that this was my birthright. I just wish people would take two seconds to try and understand. Or at least think about if something they said might make someone else feel like this, especially if they’re jewish. Like to ya it’s not a new thing to be torn in many directions. Even here where it’s the dominant culture, I expected her as someone who lives here and is an academic, she’d be better.

[helloitsbees]

since the theater was COMPLETELY empty i was able to take notes during the entirety of the goldfinch. here are my thots (spoilers included):

ok limited aspect ratio im into it

the narration is uh. not very good

oddly enough I’m getting twilight new moon vibes w/ the seasons changing through the window

“HE IS A MINOR CHILD” ACTUAL QUOTE

step one: adopt child

step two: offer child a stiff drink

no kid in this movie acts like a human

“MY MOM BLEW UP OVER THAT SHIT TOO” ACTUAL QUOTE

kids are literally shoving him in the halls after his mom literally died. this movie has all the subtlety of Reefer Madness

you give the kid pills but not therapy. okay

Only Smart People Play Chess And Also It’s A Metaphor For The Protagonist’s Current Situation

why are they letting him just wander the streets of new york after what happened to him???? hello???????

“you’re the boy whose mother was killed there” i’m sure that applies to a lot of kids who were there but ok

that looks like the world’s best grilled cheese

god im hungry

“sorry, i’ve forgotten things” y’know, how Real Kids talk

“you look like someone who listens to Beethoven” thats a cold accurate read honestly

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP OFFERING DRUGS TO THIS CHILD

does this mini flashback happen on the same day or does he literally just wear the same clothes every single day

no wait Pippa’s wearing different clothes he’s wearing the same sweater every single day

he sounds like he’s reading lines in a middle school play

okay he looks a lot like ansel elgort when he does that half smile thing, a+ casting

WHO DO I HAVE TO BLOW TO GET A CUP OF COFFEE AROUND HERE

god why is the child acting so fucking BAD

“they’ve grown quite fond of you” Y’KNOW, HOW NINE YEAR OLD KIDS TALK

SARAH PAULSON

wait she’s terrible

please stop drugging the child

the house in Vegas looks like the model home from arrested development

oh so they’re the worst. got it

what the fuck is up with ansel’s diction/accent

okay im very happy with the Complete Disregard for the potential Pippa/Theo subplot. i can hear the heterosexual shock from here

fact check, you can’t buy two drinks at once for yourself in new york it’s against the law

the music is WAY too much for the scene where he sees nicole kidman again

wait so if he lives nearby then why hasn’t he visited them at all

oh god the sister’s gonna try to seduce him isn’t she

ok good she didn’t

nobody:

          absolutely no one:

          not a soul:

          finn wolfhard: HÄH!

cowboy hat guy looks like steve carell in foxcatcher

“THATS ME, PURE SCORPIO” and then his textbook title is literally scorpio SUBTLE

bastard and casey

“how will we know when they [the drugs] start working?” jump cut to the boys lying by a pool talking about how boris’s dad killed a guy

slfkfkfjadlgllglajaj the dad is such a SCUMBAG

“act normal” bud neither of you have been acting normal since this goddamn movie started

oh god the editing got so bad so suddenly

love that the taxi driver witnessed The Kiss and was just chill for the whole trip to the bus stop. #1 ally honestly

Theo: *gets orphaned*

          music: SO YOURE AN ORPHAN

OH NO HE DID SLEEP WITH THE SISTER

“oh, darling” YKNOW, HOW REAL PEOPLE TALK

wait they’re getting MARRIED

WHY

HES PRACTICALLY HER BROTHER

w h y is the american horror story guy so slimy it’s honestly like he’s from another movie

“ooohhhhh poor brave little bird” consider being chill for like a SECOND

please don’t tell me she’s cheating on him with boris i will Scream

ok she’s not. good

that particular j cut was very very dumb

oh so she’s the worst. got it

it’s really starting to drag rn

wait pippa’s back and she’s calling him “lovely”........oh no.........

she got him a paperback and he got her a first edition SIGKJDJSHXJ ICONIC

aw she’s wearing the signet ring

the lighting is horrific in the dinner scene but only on him and not on her and it’s BOTHERING me

& why are they WHISPERING it’s a RESTAURANT

“POTTER” boy i CRIED

he took conversational russian for him......this is a LOVE story...........

the voice break in “and you love her?” man.........

ok they literally recycled the dialogue

OH SHIT IT WAS HIM WITH THE PAINTING

this is confusing and idk if it’s meant to be

Grown Man Cries Alone With Civics Textbook

oh god the narration is back i forgot about it

“is just for show” *thor voice* is it?

THE FOREHEAD TOUCH

oh shit

well

that could’ve ended better

oh yay Boris is alive

AWWWW HES SAVING HIM

ansel has a dumb crying face

okay this feels like a tacked-on ending. i haven’t read the book but this feels really jarring and different from the whole tone so I’m suspecting it’s different. I could be wrong though

wait so if its his mom’s favorite painting then why’d she go off to look at The Anatomy Lesson again

also its weird that she didn’t take him straight to the goldfinch because everybody I’ve ever know with a favorite painting has always gone straight to it the second they step foot in the museum

ROGER DEAKINS??????