#In terms of how I pictured her when I read the books show Yennefer is a lot closer than game Yennefer

[laurikarauchscat]

Yennefer about to go nuclear on someone's ass.

[lambden]

Here’s some belated Geraskier fic that I finally get to post, as last week’s flash fic challenge has wrapped up! This was originally published anonymously; kudos to those of you who guessed that I was the author. Head to the collection to see the picture prompt that inspired this, as well as view the other works. I've been having a great time participating in fandom events like this; I promise there's more on the way!!! (Read on AO3)

Up To Date

prompt: "You were so hot that when you asked if I was the blind date you were looking for, I lied and said yes. But then your actual date comes up to introduce themselves and I'm so embarrassed."

G, 2.3K words, modern AU, Geralt/Jaskier

It shouldn’t be this difficult to find inspiration. He never used to struggle like this in high school, finding his muse in everyone and everything. Even his mundane trip on the city bus to and from school would give Jaskier hundreds of ideas, for poems too personal to publish or lyrics too deep for his band to use. Back then he had thought he lacked discipline and experience, so the clear choice had been to take his interest in poetry one step further and go to university.

The problem, as he’s now discovering halfway through his second year, is that he maybe hates university. He loves it, of course; he loves the praise from his professors and peers, he loves learning about the history of literature and art. He even loves the academic rivalries that wax and wane every term, and the competitions that ignite a mean streak in him he didn’t know he had.

But his assignments are of worse quality than anything he’s ever written before, and try as he might, they aren’t getting any better. Putting words on the page just to meet a count is impossible for a poet, not when the space and thoughts and images are all supposed to be cohesive. Poems used to flow from him so freely he hadn’t been able to keep track and now his well of motivation has just about run dry.

That’s what led him here, for the third time this week. His creative dysfunction has forced him into the day-to-day habits of an elderly man who spends his days reading in public gardens. It hasn’t helped so far, but maybe this third time will be the charm. Jaskier finds his favorite place: right by the koi pond, next to a strange art installation with ivy crawling along it. He sits at the base of the giant question mark, dropping his backpack onto the bench beside him.

“This better fucking work,” mutters Jaskier to himself and the koi, opening today’s book to a random poem. He refuses to let his mind wander at first, gluing his eyes to the page and reading with intense intent. The first poem he sees is about love.

Groaning, Jaskier flips the page. The next poem is also about love.

The third poem is about war, and Jaskier thinks that might be alright, until he realizes what this long-dead poet is trying to tell him, which is that war is also about love. Because it is, of course, but also of course it is. Jaskier scowls deeply and flips through the book to a random page, hoping to find something to spark inspiration that won’t just make him feel hopeless and single and hopelessly single.

Before Jaskier can get through the title, someone speaks to him, startling him so badly he jumps. “Are you Yennefer’s friend?”

Jaskier scrambles to catch the book by its cover and nearly drops it. He hadn’t even heard anyone approach. “Sorry?”

The stranger audibly sighs, as if Jaskier has inconvenienced him terribly. With all the force of someone announcing their presence at their own death row, he grits out, “I’m here for a blind date she set up. With you.” Jaskier looks up at the man and sees him wearing a blank expression, pointing at the question mark in front of the bench. “By the thing.”

“Oh,” Jaskier says, still looking at the man. It takes a second for the words to sink in because the stranger is perhaps the most handsome person Jaskier has ever seen. He could write a thousand poems and still fail to capture his beauty. He has golden eyes, for one, and a sharply chiseled face. Even grimacing like this, his jaw is set in the loveliest way, and his stern brow is framed by platinum white hair, half-tied up. He’s wearing a fairly gloomy outfit for a blind date, but maybe he told whoever Yennefer is that he would be dressed in black. Regardless, he’s making it work.

The gorgeous stranger is still waiting for an answer, scowl worsening as Jaskier tries to make his decision about how the fuck to handle this. Really, there’s no decision at all— he just impulsively takes the leap. All his best ideas come when he’s stumbling forward blind anyway. “Yes,” he finally says, jumping to his feet. “Yes, um, I’m sorry, you caught me off-guard. I’m Jaskier.”

“Geralt.” They’re of a similar height, but Geralt is so much wider. Jaskier wants to climb him like ivy on a question mark. “I’m sorry I interrupted.”

“It’s fine! I got here a while ago. You know, can’t be too early!” Jaskier has never been early for anything in his life. He sits down again and shoves his books into his bag as quickly as he can. Geralt shifts his weight back and forth between his feet before awkwardly sitting on the bench next to Jaskier, looking out at the garden. “I’ve never done this kind of thing before,” he admits, which is true. His usual lies and schemes are much less chaotic.

Geralt doesn’t reply to that, leaving Jaskier to privately wonder about his dating life. He stares at the plants, giving the impression that he might be hideously nervous. Jaskier has no idea why someone like Geralt would be nervous about anything but it’s an awkward situation, to say the least. Right as Jaskier’s about to suggest they get out of here before Geralt’s real date shows up, the man asks, “What were you reading?”

“I was studying, sort of,” Jaskier says. “I’m a student.” Then abruptly he wonders how much Geralt knows about who he’s supposed to be, and he swallows, pulse racing.

Glancing over, Geralt’s yellow eyes meet his. There’s no obvious doubt there, just a curiosity. “What’s your major?”

“Poetry,” Jaskier grins as their conversation starts to pick up something resembling a rhythm. “What about you, are you in school?”

“No,” says Geralt, cutting his dreams of a normal date conversation short. “Are you any good? At writing poetry?”

What a weirdo. Jaskier’s heart thrums. “I’d like to think so!” This, at least, is something he knows how to talk about. Except, of course, it isn’t really the truth. “Well… recently, I’ve been in a bit of a creative rut. Just waiting for the right burst of inspiration to come along.” Perhaps this blind date that he’s stolen will suffice, but he doesn’t say that. “This place is great for that, actually. I mean, it hasn’t worked yet, but I’m sure any day those fish will sing for me.”

Geralt blinks. Jaskier feels a bead of sweat run down the back of his neck. He tries a different tactic, crossing his ankles and asking politely, “Are you a reader? What kind of things do you enjoy?”

“Nonfiction,” Geralt answers, slightly stilted. His gaze drifts over to the plants once more. “Not biographies, more like… encyclopedias and field journals. I like field journals.”

“Alright,” Jaskier says, shrinking into himself. This is going terribly. “I’ll have to go bribe some scientists for their field journals, then.” The corner of Geralt’s lip twitches, and Jaskier’s stomach flips. Gorgeous and weird and maybe, although he’s trying his best to hide it behind seven layers of nerves, maybe a little amused by Jaskier. Jaskier is going to fuck him right here in the garden. “Do you take journals of your own for work?”

A rather roundabout way of asking ‘what the fuck is it that you do’ but somehow, it lands. “I’m a… researcher,” Geralt mumbles. How very vague. “But I don’t publish my findings very often.”

Jaskier raises an eyebrow. “Do you work… for a company?”

“No.”

“Right. So you’re just keeping all your findings to yourself for no good reason at all.”

“No.”

“Then it sounds like you’re a pretty terrible researcher, actually.”

Geralt’s eyes flash as he turns to glare at Jaskier. “What?”

“Well, if you don’t share what you’ve found with anyone—”

“My… colleagues—”

“Aha! So you have colleagues!” Jaskier pokes Geralt’s side. “You aren’t just holed up in some depressing storage unit with months and months of research just for you.”

Once more, Geralt half-smirks. Not even half— more like a one-fifth smirk. “Years,” he admits.

“Years…” Jaskier tilts his head to the side thoughtfully. “Why do I have the feeling that you’re perhaps a significant number of years older than me?”

“I had the same thought when I saw you sitting here,” Geralt mumbles.

Jaskier snorts. “Seems like something Yennefer should have warned us about, perhaps. I would ask you directly how old you are, but I’m fairly certain that the only response I will get is a very gruff no.”

“No,” says Geralt, nearly smiling.

Making a show of pouting, Jaskier folds his arms over his chest. “Is that your favorite word?”

“No.” Geralt breaks into laughter as he repeats himself, and his whole face lights up with it. Jaskier laughs too, delighted by how joyous Geralt looks. He’s even more beautiful when he’s happy like this, and Jaskier wants very badly for this not to be their last date. “If I tell you my favorite word, you’re bound to judge me for it, as a poet.”

“As a poet, I swear not to mock you,” Jaskier raises his hand to cover his heart, barely restraining himself from grinning.

But before Geralt can share whatever it is, someone else approaches their bench. A second stranger— a woman about his height with short brown hair, wearing a pretty blouse. Jaskier notices her much more quickly than he’d noticed Geralt, and he makes the connection instantly. This can’t possibly end well.

“Oh, Yen wasn’t kidding,” says the stranger, eyeing Geralt. “You are very distinctive!”

Geralt stares back at her, slack-jawed for a moment. “What?”

“I’m Renfri,” Geralt’s date introduces herself. Jaskier wishes the earth would open up and swallow him whole, especially when she glances over at him. Her gaze slides back to Geralt, as does Jaskier’s, and yeah, he is very fucking distinctive with that white hair and those yellow eyes. Damn. “My friend Yennefer set us up for a blind date…?”

As Jaskier contemplates throwing himself into the koi pond, Geralt twists to stare at him. Jaskier can only imagine how mortified he must look right now; his face burns as both Renfri and Geralt look his way. Perhaps Renfri will figure it out before Geralt says anything; she looks like a smart woman.

But Geralt just gets up, dusting himself off and shaking his head. “No,” he tells Renfri, which would almost be funny if it weren’t the weirdest thing Jaskier has ever seen anyone do. Then Geralt leaves, turning to walk away from both of them, leaving Jaskier and Renfri alone together in the garden. Renfri frowns, watching him go with obvious increasing confusion. Jaskier also jumps to his feet, equally confused but determined not to lose sight of Geralt.

He chases the man— and it does feel like a chase, Geralt must be fucking speed-walking away— and finally tracks him down well outside the garden. Geralt is thundering down a set of stairs leading to a parking lot and he doesn’t stop at the sound of Jaskier careening towards him. Only when Jaskier desperately calls his name does he finally stop, slowing until he reaches the bottom landing and then standing there, still.

“I’m sorry,” Jaskier calls down the stairs, breathless. He begins to descend them but Geralt doesn’t turn around. “Fuck, you’re fast! Shit. I’m sorry, Geralt.”

Without looking his way, Geralt complains, so quietly that Jaskier nearly misses it, “Yennefer is going to kill me.”

“I would have fucked off,” Jaskier says quickly, hurrying down the rest of the steps until he gets to the bottom. Geralt still doesn’t look at him so Jaskier slides none-too-gracefully into his space, demanding his attention. He’s hardly red in the face or anything, but he looks embarrassed. Jaskier crumbles. “I’m sorry. I— seriously, I don’t care, I would have fucked off. I should’ve left, I should’ve— You should go back there, she’s beautiful!”

Geralt’s nostrils flare but he doesn’t look away. “Why did you lie,” he demands, flat.

“Well,” Jaskier deflates. “Um. You’re beautiful.”

“Hmm.”

“I really am sorry,” he offers.

Geralt, still watching him closely, says, “You don’t sound sorry.”

“What do you want me to do?” Jaskier throws his hands in the air, breaking away from Geralt’s stare— in the greenhouse, surrounded by bright lights and open, manmade nature, it had been easy to sit under the weight of Geralt’s eyes on him. Down here, at the end of a staircase and the entrance to a dark garage, chest still heaving, it feels too intimate. He puts some distance between them, sighing. “You want me to go back there and explain the whole situation to poor Renfri?”

When Jaskier finally turns around again, Geralt’s gaze hasn’t left him. “I want you to come have dinner with me instead,” he says, slowly but purposefully.

“Oh,” breathes Jaskier. “That’s— well, if you want that.”

“I already made a reservation for two. My name’s on the list.” Geralt is fidgeting with the end of his sleeve at first but when he approaches Jaskier he drops it, striding forward without hesitating. “Table for Geralt and one young brunet friend of Yennefer’s.”

Jaskier chokes on his own surprised laugh. “I don’t actually know Yennefer,” he needlessly explains.

“She’s going to hate you,” says Geralt, half-smirking, and then he adds, “Well, she’ll hate both of us now.”

They get to the restaurant twenty minutes late, Geralt’s hair mussed up and lips a bitten red and Jaskier wearing his backpack and a shit-eating grin. The host sees them and immediately tells them their table has been cancelled, and they end up getting terrible two-dollar slices from a hole-in-the-wall pizza place. They eat on the way back to Geralt’s car and then he drives Jaskier back to campus, kissing him soundly in the door to his apartment until Priscilla comes home and yells at Jaskier to get a room. As they squabble Geralt apologizes, polite and nervous, and kisses Jaskier’s cheek and tells him it was nice to meet him.

Jaskier goes inside and spends the next thirteen hours writing the best poetry he will ever write.

[itsclydebitches]

Title: Mightier Than the Sword

Fandom: Witcher

Summary: A month after the events of "Rare Species," Geralt slinks his way into an inn and is faced with the question of how an emotionless man apologies. (TV!canon with some details drawn from the books and Wild Hunt.)

Pairing: Pre-slash Geralt and Jaskier 

Word Count: 2,568

Where to read it: Below or on AO3 

A/N: It’s a Christmas miracle! Look at me making an attempt at writing. I figured that if season one was going to leave us in that horrible place with Jaskier and Geralt’s relationship I’d just have to start fixing it myself 👍

The storm had raged for two days and looked as if it had enough life in it for a third. When Geralt shouldered his way into the inn he felt like there was a kikimore on the other side, so strong was the wind keeping slabs attached to frame. When he finally managed and let the door slam shut behind him, catching his heel and dimming the storm’s voice, he found a number of glares leveled his way, the patrons none too pleased at the cold interruption. Dropping his hood did not improve matters.

One man splendid in rotting clothes and stained teeth spat as soon as he saw Geralt’s hair. Another flinched away from his eyes. Still another pretended to keep attention on his food but Geralt caught the inquisitive looks he snuck, far worse than any hatred. The curious only thought they were kinder.

“Witcher,” said a fourth. That tone spread through the room. Apparently Jaskier’s ballads hadn’t reached this corner of the world yet.

Geralt found his seat and kept his back to the wall.

For all the poverty he’d passed through in this town the inn at least was holding its own. The horse hair plaster did little to warm the space, but the many bodies and roaring fire made up for the lack of insulation. The room was otherwise dark. Comforted in the soft chatter and the simple blessing that, though they might growl, no one was inclined to approach him. Geralt took a moment to merely sit, listening to the drip of water from his cloak and the clink of spoons against bowls. The latter made his stomach ache something fierce and with a sigh Geralt stood, approaching the bar.

The innkeep took one look at his threadbare clothes and went back to cleaning his nails. Geralt slid what little coin he had across the counter.

“Oats,” he said. “For the chestnut mare outside.”

“This look like a ploughing stable to you?”

“Does this metal look fake to you?”

Geralt spoke of the coin. Might have meant his sword. Either understanding worked just fine. The innkeep pocketed his meager offering in a flash.

“Doesn’t get your bitch much,” he said, but moved to the back regardless, presumably to make up a pail. Geralt traced his movements just long enough for reassurance before heading back to the fire. His knuckles creaked and when he grimaced the skin of his lips split.

As he sat that hole in his stomach grew wider, deeper, pulled him down stronger than gravity herself and Geralt had to plant his feet against the wave of dizziness that hit. Even witchers were susceptible to starvation. Obviously he would have preferred food for both himself and Roach, but work hadn’t been kind to him these last few weeks. Oh, there were plenty of monsters, just few people willing to pay for their demise. As he’d once told Jaskier, the two rarely went hand-in-hand.

...must be the hunger addling his brain. Geralt knew of no other reason why he should think so much on a bard who was no longer bound to him. He’d severed that tie himself, over a month past.

“Endings,” Geralt said. To Roach, really. The conversation had picked up enough to cover his voice and he knew his horse was just beyond the wall, sheltered beneath the hanging roof of the inn. “It was bound to happen eventually. Best to do it on my own terms.”

If pressed Geralt might have admitted to catching that snort. As if Roach had heard, understood, and had more than her fair share to say about that claim. But he held his ground. Jaskier would have left, and all the better for it. Over the last few weeks Geralt had pictured the man lying prone on Yennefer’s bed. Thought over the advice he’d given about heading to the coast. Become antsy during the long stretch of silences and could only admit now that he’d grown used to Jaskier’s singing. The memories of his songs had settled in the back of his mind, rooting there with a determination that fit their author. More than once Geralt had caught himself humming a tune when there was no one else to hear it.

Yes. There were things he... missed. But better to miss them now while they shown bright in his memory. There would have come a day when Jaskier would no longer ask to accompany him to far off places. Where his songs would warn of a witcher’s violence and treachery, rather than simply lying through his teeth. There may have even come a time when he fell and no sorceress, not even one of Yennerfer’s skill, could save him. Geralt knew this as surely as he knew the weight of his own sword.

Jaskeir would have grown to hate him whether he’d held his foolish tongue or not. That was a destiny Geralt could believe in.

He’d just resolved to meditate until the phrase ‘Toss a coin to your witcher’ finally left his head—its repetition had certainly not brought the command into reality—when a plate was dumped in front of him, steaming meat and crispy potatoes. A bit of relish dotted the top, specific to the region as Geralt didn’t recognize the spices. The smell was enough for him to draw a sharp breath though, swallowing it like that might fill the hole in his stomach. He forced himself to look up into the eyes of a plain woman and kept his hands away from the table's edge.

“I didn’t order this,” Geralt said.

The woman smiled. “I know.”

Hmm. “You misunderstand. I don’t have coin to pay for this.” A drink was set beside the plate. The smell of steamed milk had Geralt briefly closing his eyes.

The woman chuckled. At his longing or whatever game she played, he didn’t know. Perhaps both. Though Geralt had an inkling that he had misjudged her when she pushed the plate closer, a chipped nail tapping its edge.

“It’s you who’s not understandin’” she said. “Coin’s already in the pocket. Mine, not my lout of a brother over there.” Her head jerked towards the innkeep. “Pretty bard was in here just a mo’ ago. Went pale as milk when he saw ye. Thought the poor boy was gonna faint! But he recovered, sure as anything, and gave me a handful of silver before slippin’ out the back. Had stern instructions that I get you a hearty dinner so now here I am, doin’ jus’ that. You won’t catch Sinah goin’ back on her word, no sir. So go on. Eat your fill, witcher. More where that came from if you’ve a mind to have it,” and Sinah inched the plate ever closer.

Geralt’s gaze was on the hearth though. He stared at the flames and tried to ignore how the smell of meat had gone sour. “A bard?”

“Aye. As said, a pretty thing. More dolled up than we’re likely to get ‘round these parts. Sang a bit for his own meal before settlin’ in the back. Quiet. Fidgety. Like a mouse before the cat. Specially when he caught sight of that hair o’ yours. Thought he might be a monster himself—one of those dopple things, if you know my meaning—up until he asked me to serve ye. Odd that. I’ll not have my cookin’ go to waste though. I’ll take it back if—hey now!”

But Geralt was already up and on the move because he’d heard it. Muttering something about saving his plate, he was across the room with a dexterity only a witcher could manage, dodging legs, chairs, spilled drinks, all in near darkness. Throwing himself out into the gale that sound grew stronger. No one else would have heard it above the storm, but Geralt followed it like a clear, melodious bell.

Someone was speaking to Roach. Jaskier was speaking to Roach.

A little ways down the path to avoid a small river forming, around the corner of the inn. Geralt slipped into the shadows created by the overhang and blinked at the sudden assault on his vision. Jaskier was dressed entirely in purple and pink, a beacon amid the grays of the night. Geralt’s first thought upon spotting him was that his clothing was a monstrosity all its own and he would happily accept a contract to dispose of it.

Then, ears perking like a wolf’s, Geralt focused on the conversation.

“—hardly deserves it,” Jaskier was saying, using Roach’s neck to hide from a particularly sodden gust of wind. His mare put up with it, long familiar with the man’s proximity. “Though I suppose that you could technically make an argument for reciprocation. If I am owed a ten percent cut of whatever work he secures thanks to my genius ballads, then perhaps I owe him ten percent of whatever I earn thanks to his heroics. Yes, yes. I know I’m not supposed to be touching you, but I’m not see? I’m touching your saddlebags. Geralt can’t get mad about that, can he?”

He could, yet astoundingly Geralt found that he was not. How could he be when the light of the moon showed Jaskier slipping coin into the side pocket where Geralt was sure to find it? Shivering, drenched to the bone, Jaskier continued to give up his riches, smiling all the while. Geralt could see it even from the shadows. Noted the melancholy grip on its edge. He looked away—again—and this time told himself that it was so his shining eyes didn’t give him away. The excuse sounded weak even within his own head.

“Just a bit to tide him over,” Jaskier said, continuing to pour more than “a bit” into various pockets. “And you of course! No need to tell him I was here, but you should make sure he buys you plenty of carrots. You need more than these wet oats... oh by the gods those look disgusting. I’m sorry, girl. I’d sneak back in to get you something as well but... ah.... not sure ‘sneaking’ and ‘White Wolf’ go well together. Our King of Brooding would spot me for sure and then where would I be? Suffering another punch I’d wager. And given our last meeting I don’t think Geralt would settle for aiming at my gut. Sorry, girl, but this face is just too beautiful to risk.”

Another sliver coin glinting from the shadows. An endless wave of prattle just under the rain. Geralt listened as Jaskier told Roach all about his travels over the last month, how audiences were growing weary of the ballads he had, demanding new, exciting tales. Jaskier had nothing to give them. Though that was fine. Grand even! Challenge and limitation, the bread and butter of an artist. He would find a way and until then he’d help others find there’s. Even grumpy witchers.

“I’m his friend, after all,” Jaskier said. It came out quieter than all the rest. “That’s what the foolish man doesn’t realize. Hardly matters whether he’s my friend. Doesn’t stop me from being his. Really, all those mutated brains and he’s dumb as a goat half the time. He’s lucky he’s gorgeous.” Roach tossed her head, knocking into Jaskier’s and drawing a chuckle. “Knew you’d agree with that, girl. There now. All loaded up? Excellent. I’m going to go dry off now. I will not allow this storm to ruin my new outfit,” and he did a little twirl, showing off the decorative stitching. “Stunning? Why yes, I’m quite aware. Never hurts to hear it though. Thank you, darling.”

Jaskier planted a quick kiss on her muzzle, whispered not to tell, and with a wink slipped away. Geralt took note of the house he was renting a room from and then returned to the inn.

He found Sinah in the back removing a man’s hand from her waist. She followed him to his seat, the meat and potatoes now cold. Geralt shoveled forkfuls down regardless.

“You said the bard’s coin would get me more?”

Sinah inclined her head. “Aye. Wanting a second plate, do you?”

“No, but I’ll take paper and quill if you have it.”

If she found the request odd she didn’t show it. Sinah left and returned with the speed of a wraith, depositing pulpy parchment and a vile of ink heavily watered down. It was enough. Geralt inclined his head in turn, the most respectful gesture she’d seen all day, and the two parted with satisfaction on both sides. Geralt put aside a third of his meal for Roach before finishing the rest with a speed that would have choked a human man. Done, he set about composing a list.

He was no poet. Geralt hadn’t the words to describe his contracts with anything other than the blunt language spoken by all witchers. Still, he made an effort to include details. He wrote about the noonwraith he’d dispatched three towns over, only to find that the residents had but an eighth of the coin they’d originally promised. Geralt had looked at their own sunken cheeks, taken half of that eighth, and been on his way. After that had come the drowner colony, but no one cared to pay for what amounted to a pest—even a dangerous one. There were the men who’d succeeded in both putting a hole in his cloak as well as forfeiting their lives. The young woman who looked much like Sinah but had none of her honor, attempting to lure Geralt into a robbery through false tears. The ghoul whose liver he'd eaten when he couldn’t sell it. The curse he’d lifted for a roof over his head. The nekkers that had managed to drain the rest of his energy before he’d finally collapsed here. It was all common work. The witcher equivalent of doing one’s chores. It was only Jaskier’s voice in his head that told Geralt any of this might interest another.

The whole thing filled five pages and took the length of time required to dry his socks. There was no signature. The writing was splotchy and the paper now smelled of rain. Geralt folded it with all the care he’d give to cleaning his sword.

It wasn’t an apology because witchers didn’t do apologies. Geralt wasn’t even sure he’d know how to give one if required... though this was probably as close as he’d get. He would not think on what Jaskier had done to earn the attempt.

Instead, Geralt planned to sop up the remaining juice on his plate and lick his fingers clean. He would return the inkwell to Sinah and, when the rest of him was dry, he’d ruin it all by going back out into the storm, across the weeds, into the room where Jaskier slept with lute and clothes as flamboyant as a peacock. Geralt’s notes would look like a pauper’s trifle next to the rest of his belongings, but perhaps Jaskier could spin them into something grand.

Indeed, perhaps someday soon there would be another inn, a new ballad, and this time Jaskier would choose to stay. Geralt wouldn't deserve that, but he found himself thinking on it nonetheless. Treacherous thoughts that circumvented destiny and warmed him far better than the fire.

Until then, Geralt curled in on himself and let the music he already knew wash over him.

[gotarcher94]

The Witcher

So I’ve watched the first season of the Witcher on Netflix and all I can say is holy motherfucking shit. That was a good season. 

I wanted to jot down a few things that I liked about the season, bearing in mind that I haven’t yet read the books and have only played the Witcher 2 and 3. I will be using spoilers so consider this a spoiler warning.

(Also this will be a long post)

OK? OK

Henry Cavill

When Henry was announced I gotta admit I had some doubts over the casting. Not because I don’t rate him as an actor but I just couldn't picture him as Geralt. My personal pick was Zach McGowan, known for playing Charles Vane in Black Sails. He had the gruff voice, he looked like the game version of Geralt, and he even had similar hair. Just dye it white and he was good. 

But having seen the show... I recant every syllable of my foolishness.  

Henry Cavill is perfect as Geralt. He perfectly embodies the White Wolf. From his sarcastic sense of humour, to the subtle emotion on his face to the conflict he has while making the decisions he does. Absolutely perfect casting.

Anya Chalotra

Speaking of perfect casting, Anya is an incredible Yennefer of Vengerberg. Like Henry she perfectly embodies Yennefer. Anya plays the evolution of Yen superbly, from her beaten down and almost broken early days to the immensely powerful and confident sorceress she becomes later, she performs both absolutely perfectly.

And to all those who say that Anya is wrong to play Yennefer because she doesn’t “look like her”.... I cannot say shut the hell up loud enough. She was incredible and deserves all the accolades that should be sent her way.

Freya Allan

And rounding out the three main characters, the show is three for three in terms of perfect casting. I loved her independent and driven nature, continuing to keep going on despite all the trouble going her way despite only been about 11 or 12 (i think, not 100%). Her strong bond with both Queen Calanthe and Mousesack is evident, despite the relative lack of screentime devoted to it. I can’t wait to see how both the character and actress evolves over the (hopefully) seasons to come.

Geralt and Ciri

I loved the “the girl in the woods will be with you always” transition in the first episode, that eventually came full circle in the finale with the two finally meeting (with the run and hug scene!). Having seen their bond fully established in the games (I know they aren’t canon) I cant wait to see it develop on screen

Queen Calanthe

Is a badass. End of story. Ruling a kingdom, fighting at the front of every battle, effectively flipping off destiny and law of Surprise and being an incredible role model for Ciri. Absolute awesome character and Jodhi May did such an incredible job playing her.

Yennefer’s backstory

As a game only fan in terms of knowing much about the characters when I went into this season, my knowledge of Yen’s backstory was pretty much nonexistent, as I can’t remember it even being mentioned in the two games I played (of which Yen was only physically present for one). However, the show delved deep into it, and I’m glad they did. It simultaneously made us empathise fully with Yennefer but also established the basis for her desire to grow stronger and be in control of her own destiny and future, and why she was then so frustrated being in the mire of courtly intrigue, not able to grow higher.

The Yennefer and Tissaia dynamic

One of the most unexpected but welcome events of the show was the dynamic that they two shared. It was not the typical mentor and apprentice relationship and I appreciated the change from the norm. From Tissaia’s initial attempts to bring Yennefer to heel before eventually being the one to tell Yennefer to unleash her chaos during the battle at Sodden was great. 

The striga episode

I mean..... just wow. As soon as they mentioned Temeria I had a feeling that it would be the striga, as it was one of the few things that I knew about from the books. And holy shit they did not disappoint. From the investigation aspect, to the fight scene, to the music. It was incredible episode and one that I cannot wait to get back to when I re-watch the series

Battle of Sodden

The main focus of the incredible finale. I had heard of the Battle of Sodden during the games but to see it was something else. A great battle scene combined great fights, solid battle plans and incredibly cool magical skills. And also,during the night scenes, you could actually see what the fuck was happening. See GoT! It isn't hard!!

Vilgevortz

As soon as his name was revealed in the episode, I’m not gonna lie but i may have gone full fanboy. I know a little from what was mentioned in the books and have read a little from other sources about his story in the books and was immensely excited when he showed up. And I cannot wait to see his story unfold on the show and see him interact more with Yennefer and meet Geralt and Ciri.

Jaskier

From what I know, calling him Jaskier (his original name in the Polish stories) instead of the English name of Dandelion was one of the problems people had with the show. And I have to ask... does it really matter? He still acts like him, talks like him, annoys Geralt like him. He is the same character, the showrunners are just honouring his roots. 

And he brought some comic relief to the series in just the right ways, especially in the djinn and dragon hunt episodes. Joey Batey was great.

Music and Cinematography 

Both of them were absolutely fantastic. Every episode looked and sounded phenomenal. I’ve been listening to a few tracks from the soundtrack that have made it onto YouTube on repeat for a while, most notably “Toss a Coin to your Witcher”. However, one track that I really liked but haven't been able to find is the battle theme from the striga fight. If anyone could send me a link to it, I would be incredibly grateful

Fight choreography 

All of the fights this season were absolutely fantastic. Both the human fights and the monster battles. Geralt and Duny vs the Cintrian soldiers, Vilgevortz vs Cahir and (my personal favourites) Geralt vs Renfri and her gang from episode 1. All of them superb and I couldn't have asked for more from the fight scenes. 

Magic

I really like the magic system they set up in this series. Not only is it incredibly diverse (with the finale alone showing us Vilgevortz constantly creating swords, Triss making poison mushrooms grow beneath the feet of the army and Coral wiping out a whole section of the Nilgaardian army) but I really like the idea that it isn't just them tapping into a great power, that there can be a great cost to performing these spells. Not something that a lot of fantasy series do.

Cahir

He was a great antagonist throughout the season and again I know little in specifics about him but I know that he is important to Ciri’s story, so I am looking forward to seeing that develop further.

Geralt and Visenna

I loved the scene of the two of them in the finale, even if it proved to only be a dream/hallucination. The “How do you like my eyes?” line legit gave me chills. Incredible acting by Henry there

Geralt and Yennefer (Yenneralt?, I think certain parts of the fandom have settled upon)

Now, as a game only fan prior to this, my exposure to the relationship between the two of them was limited, as the games only touched upon it in the Witcher 3. Before then it was told that Geralt and Yennefer had an epic love but it was very much tell and don’t show, as Yennefer didn't appear in person until the Witcher 3 and by then CDPR had developed the Geralt and Triss romance story in the Witcher 2. And I’m not gonna lie, I was fully into their romance during my playthroughs. Not that I didn't like Yennefer but I just didn't have the same basis into their bond that the book fans did. 

After Season 1, however, I am fully onto the Geralt and Yennefer ship, having seen it develop as it did.

Methinks it may be time for another playthrough, as well as buying the books.

Things I’m looking forward to seeing on the show in the future 

1. Yennefer and Ciri meeting

2. Seeing Geralt and Ciri bonding more, with some time together at Kaer Morhen

3. Thanedd Island (eventually)

4. Zoltan! 

5. Regis!

6. Vesemir!

[popwasabi]

Lockdown Lookback: Catching up on the past months’ Pop Culture

Aaaaannnd we’re back!

It’s amazing what a little pandemic can do to shake you out of your creative cobwebs but if we’re all going to die, I want to make sure all my pop cultural hot takes are up to date at least.

Many of us are already on lockdown and many major movies including “007,” “Black Widow” and ummm I guess “Mulan” are all getting pushed to the backburner as no one is leaving their God damn homes unless they’re told to!

(Didn’t realize the thing I wish I had more of in the apocalypse would be sweatpants...)

But there’s still plenty to talk about from the previous months and other hot topics I have been meaning to write about but just hadn’t found the time or energy for. Life has been hard I think for just about all of us these days thanks in no small part to this pandemic. For me personally, I’ve had two different vacations canceled because of the virus and currently working understaffed at my job which is considered essential. Not to mention my therapist is on call only at this time and both my martial arts schools have been suspended, so I can neither talk nor punch my feelings out of my system.

So, I might be just a LITTLE on edge at the moment.

(My internal monologue for most of these past few weeks, more broadly years...)

Anyways, I digress, you come here because you like to read my highly unprofessional takes on pop culture and genuinely to those who have cheered me on from the beginning thanks, you guys are my prime motivators. But anyways let’s talk about all the shit I was supposed to write about these last two and a half months.

 “Birds of Prey” was a hot, but needed, mess

Earlier last month I got to see the sort of sequel to the much-maligned “Suicide Squad” in “Birds of Prey and the…waaaay too long of a title for me write here.” I had cautious optimism for it because it looked strange and off the beaten path of most comic book movies and seemed to promise at the very least a fun time at the theater but it’s still also a DCEU movie so the floor was pretty low on its possible quality as well.

In the end, the movie is kind of bit of everything; the best and worst parts of the DCEU. 

In terms of the good, it’s definitely outside the box, a sort of fem Deadpool first person story as told frenetically by Harley herself. Margot Robbie is, of course, still quite great at this role and you can tell she’s having a blast as this character. The humor is mostly good and visually the bright colors and cinematography pops on each screen and on that front there isn’t much to complain about.

But as a DCEU movie it does suffer from some narrative imbalance partially due to it’s psycho storyteller but mostly, and more than likely, due to corporate editing that probably axed an entire dance number that I was honestly looking forward to from the trailers.

(Seriously, I actually wanted to see the full unedited version of whatever hell this ended up being.)

It’s definitely in the “could’ve been better” camp of comic book movies but you know what? I’m still glad it exists. You know why? Because comic book movies dominate our blockbuster culture right now and if the genre wants to survive, at least artistically, it needs some outside the box films like this. I HATED “Joker” but I appreciate that it opened the door for stranger, more unique takes on a genre that is getting increasingly more stale. This movie falls into that unique category too.

(Also, to all the faux-intellectuals and alt-right nerds making a culture war out of “Sonic” vs “Birds of Prey” *kindly* reevaluate your lives please...)

We’re at the point now where comic book movies should be getting weirder, not more formulaic, and that means swinging for the fences even if a couple don’t quite make it out of the ballpark. If it takes a few not so stellar takes on the genre for Hollywood to greenlight a truly fantastic one I’m all for it.

In any case “Birds of Prey” doesn’t quite end nor continue the DCEU’s recent hot streak but it is enjoyable enough to where I would be more than open to a sequel. It’s worth a watch.

 The Mandalorian and The Witcher: Two shows about violent mercenaries and fatherhood

Both these shows are old news at this point, but I did want to talk a little about both for a bit if you would have me.

First, “The Mandalorian” which was Disney+’s flagship production to begin its streaming chapter late last year is definitely a more than welcome addition to the galaxy far, far away. It’s pretty easy to feel fairly jaded about Star Wars these days given how flat the new trilogy ended but for what it’s worth “The Mandalorian” was a good mix of nostalgia bait and something new and interesting for fans to chew on. Its production value is obviously top-notch, no doubt because of all the Disney money pumped into it, it’s well-acted and thrilling and fun from start to finish. It plays heavily on the genres that influenced the series, primarily westerns and old samurai flicks, and fans of those will certainly enjoy the homages to them all.

The series was something of a coming out party for Deborah Chow who directed two of the season 1’s best episodes. Her steady hand, eye for details and tributes to Asian cinema throughout really gave the series an extra kick at times and showed how Star Wars can evolve still. Chow is set to helm the upcoming “Kenobi” series and one can only hope that she *really* leans into the samurai genre for that show.

(Hopefully, there are some “Yojimbo” vibes in there somewhere...)

The Mandalorian’s best and worst parts though are its semi episodic nature making each episode easy to digest as a one-off but also lacking some narrative tension between each. It plays kind of like a Saturday Morning cartoon to both its benefit and detriment with bite-size easy to digest plots and dialogue for the viewers but not offering a ton of depth beyond that.

The Mandalorian himself is also kind of a Gary Stu. His armor is basically impenetrable and far and away the best killer onscreen typically, making more than a few action scenes lack real stakes and tension. Baby Yoda certainly helps at times to make him more vulnerable and puts him in precarious positions plenty of times but outside a few moments (mainly episode 2 and to a lesser extend the final episode) he’s just a little too overpowered to be a more interesting character.

But this show and frankly the Star Wars series as a whole is meant for kids, no matter what the neckbeards try to tell you (violence =/= adult), and that’s not necessarily a bad thing either. Plenty of kids productions can be both great and even sophisticated and while I wouldn’t say “The Mandalorian” is either of those it’s a good and fun kids show for the fans.

(And yes I’m aware that the books, some comics, and games have touched on more adult stuff, you weirdos. But how would you describe the overall tone and presumptive audience of the movies and TV series as a whole, guys??)

As far as “The Witcher” goes it also has a bit of an episodic style to it as well with an overarching, albeit, convoluted story that runs parallel to it. The first 3-4ish episodes can be classified as a quasi “Game of Thrones” clone leaning perhaps a little too heavily into the tropes of that series. Once the series finally starts leaning into its real identity, a dry-witted hack and slash fantasy, the series is much more consistent both tonally and narratively.

Henry Cavil is solid as Geralt of Rivia and the supporting cast of Joey Batey as Jaskier, Freya Allen as Ciri and even more so Anya Chalotra as Yennefer are all great in their respective roles delivering some great moments throughout the season.

(And lest you forget this earworm...)

“The Witcher’s” early season struggles keep it from being as tonally or narratively consistent as “The Mandalorian” but where the monster slayer beats the bounty hunter is that it has overall more compelling drama and has more to say, leaning much more heavily into the thematic greys of the plot. There are tons of problems with “The Witcher” on a story-telling level but you can definitely say it cares more about adding some depth in between the more pulpy aspects of the story which is something you can’t say as much for in “The Mandalorian.”

Of course, I’m partially overselling “The Witcher” a bit here, it’s not anywhere near “Game of Thrones” best (yet at least), and on the flipside one could argue that “The Mandalorian’s” more subtle sense of story-telling does its themes better. But when it comes down to these two shows you get somewhat similar story-telling ideas, mostly involving both characters and their smaller counterparts, in two very different genres with equally diverging conclusions to their respective seasons. 

(🎵 Toss an “Oof” to your Witcher...🎵)

All in all, they’re both good and worth a watch and I think they deserve a chance to evolve and hopefully showcase more of what they have to offer moving forward.

“Parasite” wins Best Picture! Many people have some hot takes, including the president...

Last month one of my favorite films of 2019 “Parasite” won Best Picture at the Oscars. It’s a movie that is becoming increasingly relevant as elites and celebrities alike are getting front of the line testing despite being asymptomatic in the middle of pandemic and think they can assuage our concerns and dread by poorly singing “Imagine” together within the comfort of their McMansions.

It’s about as a good time as any to revisit this movie, I mean where else are you going to go during this timeline, and at a later date I’ll write something more extensive about it eventually (hopefully) but first here’s a helpful video on one particular thing that came out after director Bong Joon Ho took home the night’s top honors:

 “Cats” is still a fever dream of madness

Back in late December, I watched “Cats” for science, as I had AMC A-List and a friend crazy enough to join me. I figured it would be bonkers and unlike anything I had seen before in the worst way but even then, I don’t think I was truly prepared for what I ended up seeing that fateful night.

I remember quite vividly going to the bar inside the theater and ordering a stiff drink beforehand to numb the pain and the bartender asking “So what are y’all watching tonight?” and beginning to laugh manically like an insane asylum patient at the innocuousness of the question. Walking into the theater was like that feeling you get before getting on a particularly scary-looking rollercoaster at Six Flags but instead of the pre-ride jitters eventually subsiding to the eventual fun and joy of the ride, only a deep sense of existential dread built up and sustained itself through what felt like six hours of the most baffling thing put to screen in front of my eyes ever.

(The music that played in my head as I exited the theater...)

Have any of you watched the Stanley Kubrick movie “Eyes Wide Shut” before? You know the scene when Tom Cruise is walking around in his mask observing the strange occult sex orgy going on around him at the mansion? That’s kind of what “Cats” felt like except way more terrifying, somehow MORE sexual, and definitely crazier.

(Is...this some type of...intepretative dance to summon an eldritch horror??)

There’s a voyeuristic terror that comes from sitting in that theater room as you watch bipedal humanoid looking felines dance to confusing songs about “Jelicle” cats (whatever the fuck that means) and all other manner of things that should NOT take human form throughout it’s near-endless runtime. A lot was made about Rebel Wilson and the disgusting roach people she consumes but NO ONE warned me about the frankly HORRIFYING mice children in the same scene!

(I am not perusing the internet to find that image again for y’all. I have enough nightmares each night...)

The saddest thing about the whole movie is everyone, save for Ian Mckellen who seemed to be acting as if a gun was pointing at him offscreen and Judi Dench who looked 100 percent like a geriatric in her digi fur, was giving the movie their fullest effort in what can only be described as a Titanic-sized level of hubris by all parties involved. This movie really needed a “Chaostician” involved in evaluating the production for studio heads and shareholders because there were definitely NOT enough people on this project wondering whether or not this film SHOULD exist...

(Dr. Ian Malcolm coming to Universal Pictures to access the film.)

What has “Cats” wrought upon this world? The universe has been clearly out of balance since this movie came out and while I’m not saying it’s director Tom Hooper’s fault, I’m not saying it isn’t either.

“Cats” is one of those things, much like The Matrix that cannot be simply described but must be seen to believe. It’s one of the worst things I have ever seen onscreen but with the right group of people and a few stiff drinks it’s certainly an experience you won’t forget. Consider it for your next Google Hangout during this apocalypse.

  Anyways, that about wraps up my thoughts on the last few months. Going to try to be more consistent going forward especially given how much more time I have now to write, for better and worse. But more importantly, just want to say stay safe y’all. It’s going to be a process to get through this and while things are more likely to get worse before they get better there will be a day when this all ends and some normalcy may yet return to our life but in order for us to get there we need to remain vigilant. 

So stay at home, wash your hands, and if you want to watch movies just order it online for now and we’ll just wait until aaaallll this blows over…hopefully.

Don’t panic...

[yennefer-fan]

SDCC INTERVIEW WITH LAUREN HISSRICH

https://thewitcher.tv/sdcc-interview-with-lauren-hissrich

Along with interviewing actors Anya Chalotra and Freya Allan, we had the honor of speaking with showrunner Lauren Hissrich. While we learned so much from the panel, we were able to discuss aspects of the show in further detail. Below are the highlights from the interview (questions and answers edited for clarity and brevity):

How excited are you for this?

Crazy excited! I'm still basically vibrating after that panel. I went online on Twitter to do an AMA which I had to ask what that meant, but, “Ask Me Anything.” I was trying to keep up with questions, and someone finally was like, “It's been an hour.” I had to move up from my phone, because I'm so excited that the world is finally getting to see a glimpse of what we're doing.

What's your favorite part about?

My favorite part was making sure that we're giving all the characters their due. To me, the story is about Geralt, but also Ciri and Yennefer. The most exciting thing is really digging in and discovering who these women were, before Geralt, made sense that we're not just seeing them through his lens. But we're seeing them sort of find themselves first and be the heroes of their own journeys. And then once these characters come crashing into each other, it's all about how they impact each other, and how they change each other. That was fun to do.

What was the casting process like?

In terms of Geralt, Ciri, and Yennefer- they're all difficult to an extent. Because I'm, I was always afraid. The interesting thing is Anya, we actually cast first as Yennefer, she was the very first piece of the puzzle. We saw hundreds of auditions, and there was something about her. She had such a fierceness, but also such a sort of innate vulnerability. She was the first piece of the puzzle that came in.

Casting Freya as Ciri was also really difficult. We started with a very young, in the first script, Ciri was 11. Very quickly we started looking at 11-year-olds, and we realized a couple things. One, the production constraints of this show. It's a huge endeavor, we shot for a lot of days, and a lot of nights actually. And when you're shooting with someone that young, it's very restrictive.

One of the first things that I was told is that someone that young [of a] Ciri is not going to be able to be that big of a part of the story. And I was like, well, that's not going to work. So we did age up the character a little bit.

Freya, actually, we had cast her as another character in the first episode, and she was signed, sealed and done for that. I couldn't find a Ciri that I loved. Sophie Holland, our casting director, actually called me and said, “I'd love you to think about Freya Allan for this.” So I flew over to London, and we cast Freya that day.

And then Henry. Henry is a big fan of the franchise, and started reaching out to me before I had the script, before I had been greenlight, [or] write anything. Finally I sat down at a meeting, and was like, “Great. You're super nice. I'm glad you're really enthusiastic, but like we're not there yet.”

It took about four months, and we met. I met 207 potential Geralts, and I realized in that writing process, I actually I had Henry’s voice in my head the whole time. So I called him and we met in New York, he read for the part and again, and cast him that day. Every time that the decision was made, it was made in that moment and I just knew it was right.

The trailer was so dark and gritty, but will there be any funny aspects of the show?

It's funny, we tried a couple of different versions of the of the teaser with some some wit in it, because it's all through the show. I mean, obviously, I think the show is super dark. It has some really tragic things in it- some really dark things.

We always kept an eye to what real people do when faced with tragedy, and oftentimes they find the humor in it, because it's the only way to walk through the world. So storytelling wise, we always try to keep that in mind.

Teaser wise? The teaser was so big and so dramatic that anytime we would try to add something funny in you'd be like, “Oh, no, no, no, no.” We tried many versions, but yes. In the show itself, there's a lot- especially Geralt’s dry wit and Jaskier annoying him as much as humanly possible.

Will there be Easter eggs for fans of the games or books?

You know, it follows the books pretty closely, what I like to say is that we also, we find the things between the lines in the books, so there are events and books or moments in the books that you just kind of speed by them. And as a reader, you're like, “Okay, I get it, I understand we have 587 pages here that we've got to get through.”

But if you had a chance to push, pause, and dig into that moment a little bit more, there's lots of that in the first season. I think watching every episode, fans of the books themselves are going to understand every story we're telling- they're going to find the moments. We actually took the lines from the books as dialogue. So we did our best to honor them. But I also think there's a spattering of some fun, new things that aren't in there to really enhance the stories that we wanted to tell.

In terms of the games, no, we're not related to the games at all. So there aren't really easter eggs for gamers there, but I'm a huge fan of the games. So I think that if you love them, you probably love them because you love the characters. You love the tone of the stories, and those things will definitely be present in the show.

What was the biggest obstacle you encountered?

The weather. We shot a lot of different places, and it's a very big show. Our crew is about 300 people, and we carried most of them with us most of the time. And [they are] the most dedicated sort of tireless crew ever.

I think I mentioned on twitter at some point like I need to stop writing like “exterior woods, night.” Because there's a lot there's a lot of darkness and a lot of rain. A lot of weather, I would say that's really it. I mean, it was trying to to keep going day after day, when the world seemed to want to kill us, the actual planet seemed to want to kill us! But no, everything else was kind of a joy. Honestly, I mean, we feel we also so lucky to be able to be bringing this to life.

So you said you thought 207 other possible Geralts? What made you come back to him?

So much. So, you know one of the great things about Henry himself, he that he likes to just as a person, he likes to sit back and watch and sort of take in and process and not constantly verbalize everything. And that's something that he brought to Geralt that was really amazing.

In the first version of the first episode, I'm a writer so I'm like, Geralt has so many words. And I think you'll see by the finale, we really have toned down kind of how much he says because Henry himself is able to emote so much and bring so many different layers to this character without saying a word.

How long did it take Henry to get used to those luscious locks? How much does that hair play into his character?

It plays in so much! So you know, I'm not an actor, so I don't really understand it. There's something that happens when you put on the costume, and you put on the wig, and you put in the contacts. What's really funny is that we all got so used to seeing Henry with the the luscious gray locks, and the yellow eyes that when you see him not with them, you're like, “Who are you?”

He sent me a picture over Christmas to say ‘Happy Christmas,’ and it was him and Kal and he just had his normal dark hair. And I did one of those things of like, “Who is this man?” He owns it and he embodies Geralt so fully.

What about the fighting style? You will be seeing seeing a lot of fighting, which means that you were seeing a lot of Henry, so Henry did not have a stunt double he does all of his own work. Anytime you see him, it's it's really him. Which means that he trained nonstop. Always had swords in his hand. He was always in the training room with his team.

Part of what we had to do is then adapt the fighting style to Henry. So it's, you know, you read in the books, and it's all about pirouetting and dancing. Then you take a 6’ 3” man and you say, “Pirouette!” And he's like, “Um...” So no, it really was about finding the right balance between what we would read that Geralt does in the books and what Henry does, and sort of finding and marrying those things together. Because again, we wanted to make sure that that was the best portrayal of the fighting.

[yennefer-fan]

youtube comment about book Yennefer by  Chief Purrfect

“She’s not what she seems” is actually a very spot on thing to say. It really baffles me to see people who have read the books completely miss the whole point of Yennefer’s character and go on about how evil and overall terrible she is. Honestly, if that’s what you think her character is then you don’t quite get not only what her character stands for, but also what the books themselves stand for. And no, I’m not saying you have to like her, prefer her over Triss or choose her for your Geralt in TW3, what I’m saying is you have no excuse for not understanding what the character is about if you’ve read the books. TW3 is a different story, mainly due to the fact that CDPR’s adaptation of the character could have been better, but still, don’t let CDPR’s misstep predispose you to not appreciate a well-written, complex character in a different medium.

Before I get into Yennefer's character though, I should probably talk about the most common misconception people have about the Witcher as a book series first. In book reviews, I've repeatedly seen people say that they preferred the short story collections over the saga because “that’s where Sapkowski’s inability to write high fantasy shows”. Well, they couldn’t possibly be more wrong. Not because they didn’t like Sapkowski’s writing, but because this entire time they were under the impression they were reading high fantasy. The Witcher- despite clearly belonging to the fantasy genre- was never meant to be a fantasy epic. In its very core the Witcher is first and foremost a parody, a critique on the genre, THEN an epic adventure. It takes every possible cliché and trope that appears in those books and first ridicules it- by showcasing why it would never work- to later subvert it in a way that makes it work. This contrast between expectation and reality is the core idea of the Witcher. Sapkowski couldn’t possibly be any clearer when asked. He said that while reading the polish folk tale of the poor cobbler who defeated a dragon all he could think of was how silly it was, because if you had a dragon problem and you wanted the job done, you wouldn’t be sending a cobbler to take care of it. In order for this tale to work, he had to create someone who is a professional at killing such monsters- and so he created witchers because he saw them as a necessity in a world of monsters and mythical beasts. My point is, this contrast of expectation vs reality also applies to the characters. The characters of the Witcher are primarily stereotypes and archetypes, if not occasionally caricatures. At first glance Geralt is the overly manly man, Yennefer is the evil witch, Ciri is the bratty princess and Dandelion is the overly manly man’s side-kick with an inability to keep his wee-wee in his pants because he exists in the story for the sole purpose of being the comic relief.

But are they those things really? The answer is a hard no, but they are definitely and deliberately introduced that way at the beginning of their character arcs. Geralt first appears as the typical stoic, emotionally unavailable and badass dude-bro protagonist but as we keep on reading, we realize he has an impressively rich and vivid inner self that he’s simply not comfortable externalizing. Ciri first appears as the spoiled princess who threatened to execute Geralt in the first few minutes she knew him because in her opinion he did not treat her appropriately according to her status, but learned humility by losing her status along with everything and everyone else. Dandelion appears as the superficial, cowardly friend who can’t see beyond himself and yet time and time again he puts himself in danger because he refuses to let Geralt face his problems alone and displays genuine and wholesome affection towards other characters, from Essi Daven to the Hansa.

Essentially, the pattern is that each character’s first appearance is a false and misleading one. And so, as with the rest of the cast, you can bet the same thing applies to Yennefer. She was introduced as the cold and sarcastic witch, the archetypical dominatrix with ulterior motives who uses her sexuality as a weapon. As I said however, the catch with the Witcher is that appearances always deceive. In reality, her sarcasm isn’t token of her being inherently mean and evil but a defense mechanism to cope with her past trauma. So is her being initially self-centered even in her relationship with Geralt. When your whole life has been people who are designed to care for you (like your parents) abandoning you and all you’ve ever had is yourself, it’s difficult to suddenly put someone else above you and accept that said someone genuinely cares for you overnight. And it DID happen overnight. See, another trope Sapkowski wanted to poke fun at was the insta-romance. In the last chapter of the first book, Geralt and Yennefer fell head over heels for each other and rode off to the sunset to their happily ever after less than a week after their first meeting.

And then Sapkowski was like “Ha! You seriously thought this was gonna work out? WHEEZE “.

And so the first two chapters of The Sword of Destiny happen, and coincidentally, these are the two chapters people use to justify oversimplifying Yennefer’s character to “evil” and “bitch” thereafter, despite them being two of a great many chapters and extremely early in her character’s journey. Yennefer’s deepest desire was to have a family, so she sought commitment but clearly wasn’t ready for what it entails. On the other hand, Geralt was unable to give her the reassurance she needed in order to open up to him because at that point of his character arc he still had the emotional IQ of a teaspoon. In the short story collections their relationship was unhealthy because that’s what Sapkowski had to do in order to get his point across- point being insta-romances are stupid, they suck and they don’t work out. After he was done poking fun at the trope it was finally time to subvert it and find a way to make their relationship work out.

Now introducing something more aka Ciri.

Apparently, there are people who believe that Geralt and Yennefer are together only because of Ciri. I believe they are onto something, but are looking at the right things from the wrong angle. Simply put, their relationship wouldn’t work out because neither of them was willing to face their insecurities and immaturity. When Geralt ended up with Ciri at the end of The Sword of Destiny however, he had no choice but to pull his shit together and act as parent figure to her, developing and maturing through the process. On the other hand, when Ciri was send to Ellander to apprentice under Yennefer, Yennefer for the first time stopped trying to find a way to cure her infertility to think that maybe she might not need a cure because- maybe- she already has a family. Letting go of her obsession over her infertility was a huge step for her character because it helped her focus not on what she could gain, but on what she has to lose. It’s not at all random that in the saga Yennefer and Geralt do not reunite until they have individually spent alone-time with Ciri and have grown to be better people first. Only then their relationship took a turn for the better and became functional ever since their reunion in Hirundum. So it isn’t really that they are together because Ciri is in the picture, but rather because of the people they became thanks to Ciri.

Last thing that I feel is very essential to understanding Yennefer stems from the themes of her character. Destiny, infertility, humanity- the very first chapter of The Sword of Destiny features both her and Geralt as two very powerful people, powerless in front of their inability to lead normal lives. However, one theme that for some reason tends to fly under the radar with Yennefer is sacrifice. It’s ironically fitting, considering Yennefer starts off her character arc as a pretty self-centered person- albeit having her reasons. Sacrifice was relevant to her character since the very first book- in The Last Wish Nenneke pointed out that when Yennefer became a sorceress, she sacrificed one of her gifts (maternity) for another (magic). In The Sword of Destiny we see how she deals with the consequences of the sacrifice she made and most of her problems with Geralt occur because she is not willing to sacrifice anything anymore. It’s only when she matures during the saga that she was willing to sacrifice her reputation and pride when she bargained with Philippa, asking her to save Geralt’s life in exchange for her dying as a traitor in his eyes. Later she lost her freedom when she was caught by Vilgefortz but preferred being tortured half to death instead of revealing any information. Like seriously, there’s a whole chapter in The Tower of Swallows where she has this epic argument with - arguably- the skelligan goddess in Hindarsfjall who is asking her just how much of herself she is willing to sacrifice for Ciri and Geralt, how do some people miss this in her character development, the book ain’t trying to be subtle. In the end of the books she made the ultimate sacrifice and gave her life for a chance that Geralt’s might be saved.

And despite all that, somehow some people still consider her “a selfish bitch who doesn’t even love Geralt” when the whole point of her character is that she went from the textbook femme fatale to a selfless and caring mother and wife. No one is arguing against the characterization “bitch” because it's often accurate in terms of attitude. Yennefer can be mean and cold, no one denies that. It’s just that there is so much more to her than this, that the problem with people characterizing her that way is that it’s dismissive and it simplifies a well-rounded character who was meant to be viewed very differently in the beginning of her journey compared to the end. So I guess what I want to say is, don’t just read a book people, make sure to also read into it. And again, if you understand all that and still dislike her that’s perfectly fine. Just make sure to understand. Don’t dismiss and don’t simplify.?