#It Is Probably most likely just the Physical Symptoms Of Anxiety . but whatever. im fine the room is on fire but we r ignoring that

[ittybittybumblebee]

Why do i straight up feel physically bad and gross no matter what i do like im always in this state of Uncomfortable

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[muslimsonic]

ADHD: Executive Dysfunction

Alright, so I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff about how people struggle with understanding what ADHD is, how it operates, and how it differs from the experiences of the middle 50% [25%-75%] considered the average. And I didn’t research ADHD for 9 hours straight not to dump all of this here.

Note: I have ADHD, I’ve researched this, but I am not a medical professional blah blah blah ok now onto the fun interesting stuff!!!! 

I put this under a cut bc its,,,, longish.

What is executive functioning?

Executive functioning is what carries you from day to day tasks. It’s like the constantly active personal assistant in the back of your head. Let’s call them Effie. Effie constantly makes lists and breaks down tasks for you! I don’t mean large projects, I mean the simple stuff!

Like doing your laundry.

If you have ADHD, or anything with executive dysfunction as an issue, then you probably already know that the simple stuff hardly ever feels simple.

Doing your laundry requires many motions, most of which you omit in listing what you must do to complete this task.

Someone with executive functions in working order, probably

1. Take the laundry basket/bin/thing to the washing machine

2. Put the laundry in the washing machine

3. Put the detergent in the machine

4. Turn on the machine

5. When it is ready, put the clothes in the dryer

6. Collect the clothes when finished

7. Take them back to your room

8. Fold and put away

Tada! All done. There are quite a few steps omitted that you would consider givens. However, try and apply this precise list to someone with executive dysfunction, and you will most likely not have the same success, because of the number of places where steps conflict, being thrown out in favor of what is done immediately. Here’s a small idea of how many cracks are in this plan, even at step one:

1. Take the laundry basket/bin/thing to the washing machine

When?> I’ll do it after I finish what I’m doing > Oh no I just remembered something else > What did I forget to do? > Oh no now I have no clothes for work/school/whatever > MISSION FAILED

When?> Someone else is using the washing machine now, i’ll do it later > What did I forget to do? > Oh no now I have no clothes :( > MISSION FAILED

Why? > I have enough clothes right now, I’ll be fine > Oh no I ran out of clean socks + underwear > MISSION FAILED

What?> There’s no detergent so I can’t do this  > (at the grocery store) I think i have everything! > Oh no i forgot detergent > I have no clean clothes :( > MISSION FAILED

When?> I have too much free time so I’ll do it after I take care of this other thing that’s equally important > Oh no I forgot to do my laundry I don’t have anything to wear > MISSION FAILED

In what order? > There’s too much to do and they are all registered in my head as permanently equal priority so I have to do them all at the same time, but I can’t do them all at the same time, so I physically am unable to proceed until this loop/error is resolved.

What extra steps are involved?> Huh i know i have to take my laundry to the washing machine, but there’s also stuff in the washing machine area/on the way there that needs to be moved in order to do it, but I haven’t thought of that, instead seeing metaphorically an indistinct looming mass of extra equal priority work around taking my laundry to the washing machine > I don’t do it > MISSION FAILED

And that’s only a few of the cracks in step one.

See the problem?

Let’s take a closer look at how deep it goes. Do you know how much you rely on executive functioning in your day to day life? Yes? No? How did you get out of bed this morning? How did you open your eyes? Everything you do, even running away from something chasing you, is dependent on executive functioning. Memory. Recall. Starting anything, and I mean anything. Breaking down what needs to be done. You’re so used to it, you see a lot of the steps as givens not needed to be stated. When do you do this? What priority level is this? Every success you’ve had in your life, you would not have had without your executive functioning.

It’s the messenger, sending signals from the hub, recall this, you have to do this, this task is more important than this, this is what you’re going to do. It translates thought into action, idea into concept into reality. It’s the Director, streamlining things, going into crisis management when you make a major mistake or fail to do something, or have something due, or or or. Granted, executive functions aren’t the be all end all of human success, but they are to you as a foundation is to a building.

Scary to think what would happen if it just

stopped.

You could think all you want, of course. You need to do this. You want to do that. You scream and rail and fight against a prison of your own unresponsive limbs.

There’s nothing physically wrong with your limbs. They are in perfect working order. Or at least as working as they had been before. There’s no reason for you to feel like this. You feel like your brain is setting itself on fire in its attempts to send it messages to get a response any kind of fucking response. You feel hopeless. You gain no mental traction. You gain nothing but your own hatred and frustration and gain the same of others too.

Because they think you’re faking it. That you just don’t want to do it hard enough. That you just need to apply yourself.

The thing is, you’ve been trying. Your mind is a car in a swamp, uselessly running its wheels to no avail, sinking deeper and deeper into the muck. You are straining as hard as you possibly can. There’s no more gas in the tank. You have nothing left to give.

And you have nothing to show for it.

In this hell, you’ve accomplished nothing. You’ve succeeded at nothing. Nothing you do, nothing you say, and nothing you want can ever happen in this moment.

You almost feel like dying. But you can’t. You can’t, not because of will to live, not because of hope, and not because of love, but because you cannot get your limbs to remember what motion is, your brain to remember the past, and your heart to remember restraint. Frustration, anger, hatred, all of the ugliest emotions the soul has to offer spill over. You feel like you can never be happy again. That you’ve never felt happy before. That this awful feeling crawling into the crevices of your lungs and trachea and curling its way around your stomach and spleen is what you will feel like for the rest of your life.

And then you forget. You forget everything that got you to that point. the wave recedes. you feel nothing. you remember only blurs of what occurred at best. only to experience the same fucking thing again, and again, and again and its always as raw and drowning as the first time you felt it, you never grow used to it, and it will never stop, it will never cease, and no one believes you when you say you are trying. You are a soul inside a vessel that doesn’t want to be yours.

anyways! while this may seem like an extreme, the last few paragraphs are a pretty solid descriptor of how living with executive dysfunction feels like! this is also a solid reason why people with ADHD are more likely to have anxiety and depression! the same thing is characteristic of people with disorders that have executive dysfunction as a symptom!

so TL;DR: Executive Dysfunction is not the same as laziness; it is a fundamental difference in the brain structure and wiring or a deficiency in neurotransmitter production.

speaking of that, moving onto the physiological side of executive dysfunction! Yes! There’s actually a physiological side to ADHD! Pretty sure that’s a characteristic of all brain disorders illnesses and the like but people still say its fake! :D

ok i’m getting tired so heres the rundown:

lower catecholamine levels: catecholamine is a class of neurotransmitter that includes fun stuff like

Dopamine: the motivation sauce

Seratonin: Happy Happy Happy

Adrenaline: you put this in epipens. fight or flight

Noradrenaline: also fight or flight. includes attention as well. at higher levels, anxiety. Thanks, God.

Its bad. bc the body’s natural reward system (dopamine) isn’t at normal levels, the nice little feel good kick after you make your bed or brush your teeth?? nope!!!!!!! Thus there is little internal motivation to do anything. WOW!!! How did adhd get passed down in the gene pool???? is it recessive?? bc im rly at a loss. idk someone with a medical degree in brain science dm me abt it. I rly need to understand.

Also the frontal lobe, y’know the thing controlling judgment, morals, impulses, emotions, all of that fun stuff???? it’s usually behind in development, typically evening out mid to late twenties, but its still,,,,, not Great. Wow!!

White matter abnormalities are apparently a thing too?? White matter is the brains messaging system so when that’s messed up I’m pretty sure thats not a good thing.

anyways, i’m tired now, its been 2 hrs since i’ve started writing this and I have a metric ton of things that I needed to start but didn’t, so

TL;DR: ADHD (and by further extent, executive dysfunction)has a basis in science and has physiological stuff associated with it that (i think since MRIs aren’t being used to diagnose adhd) is just being studied recently, and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh google exists use it b4 getting into arguments abt the existence of disorders and such. plz. im begging you.

[topicprinter]

I don't want the title to sound like I'm attempting to write some epic series. I'm more surprised than anything that the first post was so well received. I think subconsciously I hoped it would sink and that I would have scratched my itch.As it does seem to be helping a few of though and I did say I'd keep writing if it helped, I feel the need for at least a couple more posts and I'll hopefully take the time to answer some of the comments individually on the previous one.​To continue then, here is a 'Don't- Do- Don't' sandwich to keep the positive and negative even.I'm certainly not bashing on entrepreneurship, far from it. I really do think everyone that has the desire in them should start something- I'm just really concerned for others that feel they have to start something in the way and with the aim that other people are telling them to.​I've jotted down 4 more Don'ts and a handful of Do's here. As I mentioned in my previous post on here- I personally think that by scaling back your ambitions and intentions, focussing on the tiniest actions and letting go of too much need for a return on your efforts you are far more likely to either do something a little worthwhile that you can benefit from or even surpass these humble goals with something closer to your unrealistic goal than you would otherwise.​Apologies in advance again if I hit anyone too close to the bone and please bear in mind that I have probably been there.​(Side note: On browsing through yesterdays comments I think there are some people that could do with a 30 or 60 day detox from self help. Don't tell yourself you're quitting them forever- just swinging the control in the relationship with your books and authors back in your favour)​Two More Don't Do's for the Day.So yesterday I touched on the Don't Do's of 'Aiming for the Stars', 'Looking for too much advice', 'Desperation towards starting a business/ Lack of patience' and 'Overthinking'.I genuinely think if you avoid them you'll do better than not. To build on them and go a little deeper here's what I have maybe done and didn't work or have closely observed in the people in my circle (ie happy, decently off, mostly non millionaires although there are a few).​Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously (or be too hippy confident)I don't know what it is with us when we start out on this journey but I think it's the innocent care free child inside us hiding from this new scary creature we're trying to mould ourself into.Depending on who your'e copying, you may naturally start to try and emulate them. Most stereotypical famous entrepreneurs (not all btw) are either quite aggressive/ arrogant or quite 'know it all-ey'. From what I recall anyway.They're either strutting and yelling and power shaking the soul out of people or they're trying to come across as some type of hippy wizard who just 'knows' everything and can see round corners.Again, to compare that to the people I personally know- they are far more ordinary than any of the personalities- they're far less intense barring a bit of good old enthusiasm.I can't quite think of how to describe the ones I know but one thing that covers it is that they are all great to socialise with and good at parties, I can imagine the ones I haven't been to a party with are also.I don't mean they are the life and soul by any means- some of them are found with me in the kitchen or corner- what I mean is that they'll talk about varying and interesting things, will bang out a few dad jokes or take the p!ss out of others and themselves.They like a laugh an most of them did before they made it.Every single one of them has a pretty involving hobby/ interest outside fo their work or business (I've now written a list/ mind map of these people to help me write about them!) and I wouldn't describe a single one of them as intense or preachy.Actually come to think of it- I believe deep down that a lot of them come across as being aware how lucky and possibly average they are.This was a big realisation I came to myself prior to 'doing well' and I now feel better in myself with this opinion.- Lighten up, chill out, put more effort into your hobbies and outside interests (or get one), laugh; and enjoy life a bit more.​Dont try to find Opportunity Everywhere- Don't Think of everything as a potential business.Bear with me on this one.​A few years ago, after harassing my health service for several years prior to get me in front of a shrink to diagnose me with the Adult ADHD I 'knew' I had, I was finally aloud to go in for some tests- the lovely Indian lady doctor told me the reason I kept getting into a funk of lack of focus, indecision and spiralling 'anxiety' (which has similar symptoms- more on this later) was partly due to the fact that I had Seasonal Affective Disorder (and partly due to the fact that I was sadly desperate for success- she knew!)I was told by her to get a blue light and try mindfulness. Of course I took that as 'become a meditation teacher who's not into the woo woo and open a centre' and 'start a specialised website that provides advice to sufferers of SAD and sells blue lights etc'.I then went home, looked up all the keyword search volumes and started to analyse the competition- I felt sick when I realised the lo and behold someone had beaten me to it... by at least 20 years. The keywords were really competitive and it just wasn't worth it.I begrudgingly bought a light from the top result and when it came I think I kinda hoped it was crap.These last few winters I've actually used the blue light in the mornings and feel far better this time of year than I ever remember.I know that many of us that are naturally drawn to entrepreneurship are problem solvers, opportunity grabbers and make things betterers but we only have so much creative energy and decision making juice in us each day.By looking at every damn object or service we come across as something that we 'could get into', it drains our radar and puts everything into the same swamp of ideas.I think it's better to be more of a disregarder- again Im sure that the people I know know this.I've personally found that the businesses that have happened for me were a bit like with me and my wife. The first few encounters were random, meaningless events... we spent a little time together and took things slowly with no agenda. Then without even realising it we were in love and then married with children.- The opportunity will come if you let it and you'll just know when you know.​Time for some Do Do's(Stop it Chandler!)Finally, some things that can be done!Like I said, I think having a business is great, has made me a better person and has made me a good bit better off. I genuinely attribute a large part of my 'average' success and subsequent happiness to things I stopped doing rather than new habits that I formed but here are a couple of things I and those I observe do/did and may be worth trying yourself.​When you stop fantasising, researching and frantically flicking through motivational books & videos, you're left with some space that needs filling.I already mentioned hobbies and interests, but I'll cover that after what I think should head up the list.​Spend time with other peopleI haven't called it family or friends etc as I don't want to marginalise anyone who doesn't have them. I don't want to brag but I am lucky in this sense- if you're not so, I genuinely think you can do something about that.I also appreciate that people may be shy, be introverted and/or have social anxiety.I still think that its really important that you spend more time with the people you like spending time with or go out and find some. I guess it doesn't matter if they are online even- just spend time chatting and getting to know others more intimately... and remember, not too serious yeah.Have a laugh, get drunk, go fu shi up, go bowling, play frisbee, walk/ hike, play pool, fish, shoot, dance, knit... whatever..... with other people. More importantly make sure its people your'e not trying to sell to, buy from or otherwise advance yourself in business/ finance.Also, when things get going in your business life, don't bore these people with ita) It usually is boring andb) they like you cos you're who you are- not what you are.​Worthwhile wastes of time- AKA Hobbies and interestsYep, I know I'm beating this drum to death- trust me, its important.If you're the active sort, go and do something physical, just drop the goals and the aims etc, especially if you're into bodybuilding or running etc. Swing on some bars or look up calisthenics if you want to use your muscles. Take a look at woodwork, building heavy things or something like that.Try not to replace your addiction to being an entrepreneur/ wantrepreneur with another addiction though.You're just killing a bit of time and giving yourself something to take your mind off of things. Using your body and mind for something other than 'trying to succeed'.Remember- no outcomes. You're doing what the soft headed teacher told you at school about just taking part and not winning.Although I like video games, I don't like to feeling I get after sitting down in front of screen for too long so I can't play them. I do love movies and gripping documentaries so probably watch about an hour a day and film or two at the weekends after the kids are in bed (usually with beer/ wine and snacks).A few years ago I would be sat the on my laptop or iPad 'looking things up'. I couldn't even bring myself to enjoy a few hours in the evening to watch a film. Jeez- what a waste.I've taken to building things and renovating my house- it's coming along quite well, I'm really improving my DIY skills and am amassing a fine array of tools. I've built a shed out the back, moved the kitchen from one end of the house to the other- according to the mortgage broker I've added nearly 50k to the value of my house.... what's important though is that I've really really enjoyed it. I have plans for many other things and am learning CAD (which I should know being in engineering anyway but this time its for fun) and am watching several CNC routers on eBay to further the fun.I also love growing and cooking food- not trying to be a masterchef or thinking about opening a restaurant- Just messing about with flavours and/or following recipes to the letter and switching off.This post isn't about me though- I just hope it's a decent example.The others I know are into motorbikes, following sport, also building things, also food and cooking, art/ painting/ drawing, animals etc etc- Find out what what floats your boat and go do some. Tie it in with other people for added enjoyment but also give yourself a bit of 'me time'.​Right- some businessey stuff.​Give yourself timeOkay, a kind of a reiteration here but as before.. bear with me.Take a step back and if needs be take some real time off of thinking about starting if you haven't done so yet. If you are in business and are feeling disillusioned, give yourself a bit of a break- systemise and consolidate a few things and try and get yourself on a plateau.​Of all the self-help and motivational things I hate most and feel are the most damaging- it's the 'It's only too late if you don't start now', 'Quit your job', 'Drop out of college' crap.If you want to start a business and get started, you would be far far better doing it small and part time alongside a job.I know you're tired on an evening and just can't get your brain to do something- I've been there.You're not thinking small enough yet, you're too caught up in whether you will be wasting time on something without an eventual payoff for it or whether it's worth it and will lead to the fast track of being a millionaire or more.Seriously, give yourself some space- take the next few weeks/ months to just enjoy doing nothing and then when you're ready- Start Really Small.If you're not sure what business to start- keep doing nothing. Stop resisting the real world- it will be there along with all it's wonderful opportunities when you come back to it. You'll hopefully be more realistic and willing to be a shade more mediocre when you come back.If you hate your job or someone in it, the next ones for you.​Figure out how to Tolerate Yourself and OthersAnd by others, I also mean other things.I actually think it's rare that we actually hate our jobs.I think it's more likely that we hate the fact that we are there.Whether it's because we feel too good for the job and it's inherent shortcomings or we can't really believe that we are on the same pay scale and worthiness as some of the dumb@sses we share our workplace with- we are really hating our belonging to that situation more than anything else.In order to move, and again this is the direct result of conversations with some of the successful people I know, we have to transcend the situation.Yes, we work alongside some horrible/ stupid/ pedantic/ lowly/ very special (not good special) people and hence in the eye of our colleagues and society we are on the same level as them.I feel for you and if we met I would quite possibly agree that you are better than them. Feeling bad about it isn't going to help you though so you must transcend.I'm not quite sure how the universe or its evolutionary system works (sorry Abrahamic religion people) but I think it's kind of a promotion system.I'd bet that the fish that made it onto the shore and grew legs were the descendants of the better of the fishes- I just don't think evolution created reptiles from the offspring of really crap fish- like 'Hey youre terrible at swimming and eating other smaller fish- you should try being a lizard".I think then, that it's kinda the same in society and as I said, in particular with my self made friends. Quite a few of them actually got into their present business by the way of an opportunity presented to them by being good at their previous jobs.It's similar to me as well. I ended with my 'day business' as I turned myself round and decided to start working hard at what I was doing and putting the troggs to the back of my mind.It got noticed and I was given several pay rises, I then ended up on the radar of my friends dad who owned his own business and asked me to run a project for him. 4 years later I'm flying and have invested in several other ventures/ people since.- Transcend and overcome the drudgery of what you are doing now while you are still there.Move on when its time and you're ready.​SystemisationI've decided to make this a separate post as it really covers too much for an already far too long post- I'll let you know when this is up fully but for now....Turn everything you do into a system.When you do eventually get going, think of every single step as something you might have to do again. Make a game out of making things into a system. Using either a basic paper notepad/ filing system or one of the free or built in word processors or spreadsheets, make a list of the things you are doing.It will speed up any rework, it will make you better at remembering things and it may force you into trimming wasted activities out of your day.You might feel silly writing down "Spend 4 hours browsing r/Entrepreneur" followed by "Watch 10 random guru videos back to back- but only halfway because they haven't given me the missing secret yet and the search must continue hastily"I promise I'll add more to this in the week but for now- Think 'Systemise It'.​The last couple of Dont'sI hope the majority of these items being dont's doesn't put you off- I do think you can do it if you get realistic and start being easier on yourself. Avoid things is easier than doing things and yields similar results. You don't have to run the 8 miles if you don't eat the extra donut (You can have one though!).A couple more things to avoid.Apps and online servicesTalking about what you're doing/ going to do.Apps and ServicesAny time spent looking at organisational, project management, CRM, email management, keyword/ adword, accounting, team comms etc etc etc apps, that you don't currently have a pressing need for is a complete waste of time.Especially if you are just starting out- by the time you need one the market will have changed and you will have to look though them all again.Trust me...been there and done that.Again, by all means have a browse. If you start evaluating them and heaven forbid buy any, you are fantasising and feeding your delusional side.Pen and paper works fine if not better than most apps. Particularly for a one man band or small team.​TalkingThe last but not be ignored thing I have noticed in others and has turned my life around since I stopped, is the ability to work on my stuff in silence and to keep one's counsel in general.If you need to tell people what you are doing, I think you are giving yourself some kind of reward internally. If you're getting the reward from telling your friends, family or colleagues- you won't feel the need to get the reward from selling or creating something when you finally get started.Bigging Up your business may have the same effect. You may not need to take it to the next level or wrap it up into a more passive income with the work being done by others if your ego is already getting it's hit.Secondly, it increases the anxiety towards the fact that you must be doing something right now. If you've told people you're going to move on from this situation and become a millionaire, your mind will be frantically looking towards things to do to make this happen.Until your opportunity has come along or you are ready for one, this could manifest itself in more addiction to the non worthy activities we've already been through.- Keep quiet until you get started.- When you do get started, continue being quiet about it.- If you're already in business, quieten up a bit.​​That wraps this one up and again I hope some of you find something useful.​​​​​​​

[sinmethefukup]

It’s so hard to explain feelings to people, especially if you’re trying to describe symptoms of anxiety and depression. It’s different for everyone, but while talking to lots of people with circumstances I found that there are a few most can agree on. So I’m gonna try to explain it here bc I’m not feeling emotionally and mentally well right now and I also need to vent about these awful feelings.

One thing is a feeling of heavy while being empty. Like, your mind and heart are empty. You feel like something is missing. Something important. You may not know what it is, most of the time these awful feelings still occur no matter how happy and complete your reality is. While feeling like there’s just a giant hole in the center of your chest, there’s also a crushing feeling. Like something is squeezing your whole chest and throat. Like there’s a lump in your throat that stops you from talking. Whenever you try to speak and ask for help or try to vent, this lump stops it. It forces you to bottle your words, and if your words do get past that lump, you’ll break. You’ll just break down and cry. The pain of holding back the flood in your eyes is worse that you’d think, literally and metaphorically. There’s also the feeling of having butter flies in your stomach, but not the good kind. Not the kind where you see a crush or feel beyond excited. It’s the kind where your gut is being squeezed with nervousness and fear. Sometimes so much that you feel the need to throw up. And all of these things can happen for no known reason. You could be having fun and BAM! you feel like shit. And that’s basically how you describe it. When I get like this and I need to dismiss myself from the current scene, I just say that I’m not feeling well before heading to my room or the nearest bathroom to try and calm down these feelings.

Now on the more emotional side, you can still feel like, well, shit. You’ve probably heard of the usual “its so hard to get out of bed” explanation. That’s the shortened version in order to avoid talking about it. To go more in depth, its more like getting out of bed is the point of no return. The second you open your eyes, you feel neutral. Your mind is too tired to register anything. But the moment you become aware, these feelings can come crashing down. Just intense sadness, though this doesn’t happen to everyone. (Personally, I’m fine waking up and getting out of bed, but it seems like any symptoms of anxiety or depression don’t start any earlier than an hour after I wake up. After an hour, it’s just a surprise roller coaster the rest of the day.) But you feel that the second you get out of bed, you’re obligated to go through the day as a “productive member of society”. No matter how many hours you’ve slept, it never feels like enough. You have to mentally order yourself to get things done. (I have to do this more than I should). In your head you think ‘Okay, grab that shirt, think about the possible situations of today and then pick between this one or that one. Okay, now put it on and grab your pants and put them on. Left leg. Right leg. Done. Now brush your teeth. Grab the toothbrush, grab the toothpaste. You know what to do. You’ve done this so many times. Now grab your meds, take the designated amount.’ and it just goes on and on. You feel like the world could be ending and you wouldn’t care. It’s hard to care for things when you feel so, I guess, “sad”.  And then you just have the urge to be alone. You look at all your notifications from friends, but you choose to ignore them. You’re too mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted to hold a proper conversation with genuine interest. And then you feel guilty about doing that and your thoughts begin to run wild. The domino affect begins to play out. ‘Oh god, what if they think I’m ignoring them and that I hate them. What if I’m a bad friend. Oh man, there was that one time where I fucked up, but they forgave me, right? Oh man, I can’t remember. I’m so stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. I’m a failure. I’m a disappointment to everyone. Everyone hates me. The world is better off without me. Oh geez, there was that one time where messed up on a worksheet and the whole class found out, oh man, there’s also that one time when...’ This also goes on and on and on. Can you see how one small thing leads to another.

Now with anxiety (man this post is all over the place. Y’all probably aren’t reading this. Damn this is so fucking dumb. I should stop. but no. no.no im not. Anyways, on to anxiety). Jesus fucking christ! how the hell do regular people live. I can’t order a baja blast from Taco Bell without fucking up all my words and feeling so embarrassed for even trying. Anxiety is like the opposite of depression, yet it commonly goes hand in hand with it (Its a weird as combination. It’s kinda ironic). With anxiety, you care too much. It feels like the world is ending at every possible second. You fumble with everything and you feel like your doing everything wrong. You feel anxious all the time. Always worried. For me, I’m afraid of ordering food, asking for help, walking into the wrong classroom at school, getting lost and needing simple directions. Having random conversations springing on me cause me to look like an idiot. I sputter, and stumble on words, I use the wrong words, I often stare and don’t say anything because I can’t form the words quick enough. And oh man, phone calls are a bitch. I will not go into a phone call without writing down a list of things I need to say and a miniature script to go along with it (Unless it’s friends bc I’m comfortable around them) sgiFADUSDASBDF

Wherew was i goin with this. I cant rememer../ I’m just gonna end this here. idsfa. whatever.