#It’s The Bell Jar by Silvia Plath time of year

[caterpillarinacave]

[swampsiren-piratefairy]

2023 Reading

I read a lot apparently! Below are my thoughts on the stories I've read so far this year. Also, if you’ve read a book and absolutely loved it, pitch it in the comments! Tell me why I should read it!

January

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep by Phillip K. Dick (4/5 stars)

This was a short read and overall I thought it was good. I thought the way the "andys" were characterized was particularly interesting. I think the book, despite being so short, was a filled with ideas and world building and what struck me is that those things didn't make the world feel more real. It felt as though those pieces of world-building served more to characterize our protagonists by way of their reaction to those ideas/religion/machines rather than serving to flesh out the world itself? Which is not necessarily bad, but idk, I guess I just wish the world felt more real or made a bit more sense to me.

The Mist in the Mirror by Susan Hill (3/5 stars)

I don't have a lot to say about this one. It was fine. Susan Hill is pretty good at atmosphere. I found the ending unsatisfying.

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (3.5/5 stars)

This one was also fine. And I know it's nit-picky but I cannot get over the mother letting Beth's pet bird die in order to make a point about the importance of doing chores? Beth is a child and the bird didn't need to starve to death. Fuck you, Marmee.

Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyer (5/5 stars)

Look, you have to already like Twilight to like this book. If you don't like Twilight or have never read it, then this book will not be enjoyable. If, however, you have read and enjoyed the Twilight series, then this book is great! You get insight into the world of Twilight, of Edward's character, of his family's thoughts and how they interact, and a look at his dark years of human hunting.

February

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer (5/5 stars)

I love this book. I love the drama, the devotion, the camp, the characters. I cannot judge this book objectively, therefore 5 stars. I reread it in honor of my upcoming vacation to the Forever Twilight in Forks festival and I'm so glad I did!

The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories by Angela Carter (4/5 stars)

This is a collection of short stories. Each is a re-imagining of a fairy tale/legend. There was a lot of dark, feminine energy to these stories which I enjoyed. I would caution anyone who want to read the stories to first look up trigger warnings on storygraph, as the tales do get quite dark and gruesome at times.

The Blazing World by Margret Cavendish (3/5 stars)

This is a work of utopian science fiction written in 1666. It's short and not terribly interesting as a story but incredibly interesting as an early work of science fiction by a woman. Would recommend if you're interested in the history of genre fiction.

Beloved by Toni Morrison (3.5/5 stars)

This one was tough. The characters were brutal, their situations were brutal, and it was hard to read about. I did, however, like the narrative style and think it is an important work of fiction. I don't think it should be classified as a ghost story, as it often is.

The Bell Jar by Silvia Plath (4/5 stars)

This was a good book and a realistic depiction of what mental illness can look like. It was very much a downer though, especially with what we know about the author's life.

"A Good Man is Hard to Find" by Flannery O'Connor (undecided)

This is a short story. It does a good job of telling a story and allowing you to know the characters despite how short it is. I'm not sure how to rate is as I'm sure if I really "get" it.

Heretics of Dune by Frank Herbert (1/5 stars)

My gosh! I hated reading this. I didn't care for God Emperor of Dune either but I felt I'd read so much of the series that I might as well finish it out, after all there was only two more books to go. Well. I won't be finishing it out. I finished this book but I will not be reading Chapterhouse: Dune. I'm so over the weird pedophilia that just gets more prominent with each Dune book. And one of the greatest things about Dune is the worldbuilding, but so much time has passed between the first book and this one that we are no longer in the same world. I cared about that world from the first couple books, but this one? I don't care anymore. I don't care about the characters either.

Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson (3.5/5 stars)

This was a good coming of age story, although, to my relief, not very relatable. I found the story compelling but didn't care for the time jumps. I learned that it is partly autobiographical, which makes certain parts of the story make more sense.

The Vegetarian by Han Kang (3.5/5 stars)

This was alright. I get the appeal. It was distressing to read at times.

Vicky Angel by Jacqueline Wilson (2/5 stars)

Look, I just didn't like the book. I understand it's an exploration of childhood grief written for children and so I am certainly not the intended audience, but still, this was just not good. And the ending? Ugh.

March

Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf (3/5 stars)

This is a stream of consciousness story with a few time jumps back and forth. I liked reading some parts, others not so much. It can get a bit dull at times. Iconic last lines.

The Complete Tales of Peter Rabbit and Friends by Beatrix Potter (3/5 stars)

As with many collections, there are some stories I enjoyed and some I did not. A couple that I thought I would not want read to any children in my life, which surprised me because these are such beloved stories.

The Word for World is Forest by Ursula K. Le Guin (4/5 stars)

Enjoyable but not my favorite. Not something I would revisit I think. Lots of themes here about colonization, military, environmentalism, etc. A bit heavy handed, but that doesn't really bother me when I agree with the message being set forth.

April

nothing. no books here. I read part of Kindred during this month but didn't finish it until early May.

May

Kindred by Octavia E. Butler (4/5 stars)

I've always meant to read Octavia Butler's books but I'm not sure this was the best one to start with. Nevertheless, it was good.

A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers (4/5 stars)

I liked this one much better than the first book in the series, The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet. It did drag on a bit at times. I also feel like a lot of the tension could have been resolved quickly by characters just talking to each other which drove me nuts.

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne (3/5 stars)

It's not that this isn't a good book or an interesting work of early science fiction, it just dragged. I was so bored at times. This book took me so long to finish.

A Murder Is Announced by Agatha Christie (4.5/5 stars)

I can't quite bring myself to give this 5 stars. It was good though. As is always the case with Agatha Christie books, I did not guess the conclusion but feel as though I could have. Like there were probably enough hints, I just didn't pick up on them.

June

We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson (5/5 stars)

This was a very good read. Great atmosphere. I liked the way things were revealed. If you like a gothic tale or any of Shirley Jackson's other works, then certainly give this one a go.

I watched the movie in October and it was pretty faithful, as far as adaptations go. I did prefer the book.

August

New Moon by Stephanie Meyer (4/5 stars)

Look, is it as good as Twilight? No, but I still like it. I care about the characters and this book offered fun new additions to the world that Twilight introduced.

Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer (4/5 stars)

Second verse, same as the first.

The Knight, the Fool, and the Dead: Time Lord Victorious by Steve Cole (3/5 stars)

This was much shorter than I expected and ended in the middle of the story, which I didn't realize going in. It was fine. It's my first Doctor Who book and I didn't love it, which I am disappointed about.

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner by Stephanie Meyer (3.5/5 stars)

I do like this book, but it's not my favorite. I particularly liked the character of Freaky Fred and I'm glad I reread this book so that I could be reminded of him.

A Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare (4/5 stars)

I watched a play adaptation as I read along, which I find really useful for me when reading Shakespeare. I have trouble imagining how the characters say a line, what they would be doing as they say it, etc. so watching helps me contextualize. I liked it. I thought it was funny. It wasn't perfect and I didn't love the wrap up but, overall, it was enjoyable.

The Merchant of Venice by Shakespeare (2/5 stars)

I listened to the audio book rather than reading the play. I did not care for it. I thought the ending was fascinating but other than that, this was just not my cup of tea.

All Flesh is Grass: Time Lord Victorious by Una McCormack (3/5 stars)

This one was slightly better than the previous Doctor Who book, but I still didn't really care for it. It's hard to put my finger exactly on why though.

Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer (3.5/5 stars)

It pains me to give such a low rating to a book in a series I love so much, but this book is just not as good as the others. I still like it okay, but not like I love the others. Maybe she can redeem it in the next book. (That's right. I'm still holding out hope that we'll get another and it'll fix the bits I don't like about this one.)

September

The Body in the Library by Agatha Christie (4/5 stars)

I thought this one was quite good. I am bummed, as always, that I couldn't guess the killer.

Gigi and The Cat by Colette (3/5 stars)

This is actually two separate stories. I preferred Gigi I think, but both were solidly 3 stars. The most interesting thing was the little biography about Colette at the beginning of the book.

Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare (4/5 stars)

This one was enjoyable. Again, I did a read-along as I watched the play performed. It had some fantastic lines.

Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn (3/5 stars)

Look up trigger warnings about this one before you read. The book was just okay. I guessed the ending pretty early on, which I've been led to understand is not usual for this book. I think is probably the mark of a good thriller writer if most people won't guess the ending/twist/killer/etc but you've included enough clues so that a small subset of the audience will. But it didn't make for a particularly interesting read if you're in the subset that picked up on the clues early. I also was very interested to see how the writer handled the issue of self-harm in the book. Still not sure how I feel about it.

October

Hallowe'en Party by Agatha Christie (3/5 stars)

I didn't enjoy this one quite as much as I enjoyed the last Chrisie book I read, but it was okay I think. I read it because I wanted to watch the movie coming out, and I think murder mysteries are so much more interesting in book form.

Watched the movie and decided there’s no way this should be considered an adaptation of the book. A couple of names remain the same but the characters, their relationships, and the murders are so wildly different than they are in the book that I don’t even see the point of using the same names.

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (4/5 stars)

I liked it overall. I liked the characters. I think a little more development of our main two would have been nice. Controversial, but I did NOT like the meme references. Why would Harrow know the “studied the blade” joke? Also, why does Harrow know what a Cuckoo is? And apparently they’re all speaking English 10,000 years in the future because otherwise Gideon’s Sex Pal joke wouldn’t work. The ending made me sad.

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (3/5 stars)

I liked the story overall and I think the AUs were fun, but I think they took up way too much of the book. I especially liked getting to see Gideon again and to hear her thoughts about what’s going on.

Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (3/5 stars)

Maybe this one’s on me, but I can’t figure out where the conversation with Jod is happening? It takes up half the book and I don’t understand it at all. It just feels like exposition dump. I’m really hoping I like the next one better.

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters (3/5 stars)

This isn’t a bad book, but it’s not really to my tastes. It’s a period drama and sapphic.

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison (5/5 stars)

I’ve read this one before and it’s a favorite of mine. It’s slow moving and, when I first read it, was such a relieving break from all the grimdark fantasies that were everywhereeeee at the time. (This book came out when Game of Thrones was at its height in popularity.) this book is just nice and so is Maia.

All Systems Red by Martha Wells (5/5 stars)

I enjoyed this book. So much so, that I read the rest of the series and then immediately went back to reread it again. I like murderbot. I also want to face the wall in a corner when people try to ask me about my feelings.

Artificial Condition by Martha Wells (4/5 stars)

This one might be my least favorite of the murderbot diaries, but I still like it. (That being said, I think I’ll grow to like it more in time. After all, we get the foundation of MB and ARTs relationship.) It introduces ART, gives us more context for MB’s past, and allows for MB’s sense of self to develop. By the end, we (and it) have a much better understanding of how it feels about humans and what lengths it’s willing to go to. The book also gives much needed explanation about how MB manages to blend in and operate. So all in all, I like it but feel like it’s mostly just filling in gaps.

Rogue Protocol by Martha Wells (4/5 stars)

Another good one! Really challenging how MB views human/bot relationships. MB is such a funny narrator, it spends so much time being like “I don’t care” and then proceeds to care So Much. Also Miki <3

Exit Strategy by Martha Wells (5/5 stars)

Wooo!! The gang is back (partly). MB must face those it’s run away from! Weapons and hacking and emotional stand offs! What more could you want?

Network Effect by Martha Wells (5/5 stars)

This one might be my favorite. I really liked it. I love when a character goes feral because their friend is dead/in danger and this book does it TWICE. It’s so good!

Fugitive Telemetry by Martha Wells (4/5 stars)

This one is another gap filling book. It lets us see what MB got up to while on Preservation. Which, if you’re really interested in the character (which I am) then it’s a good read! Also we got to see Gurathin and Ratthi again and I love them both.

[szamsson]

I've read The Bell Jar like a million times (shut up I know im a cliche but i was obsessed with my literarature teacher in year 11 and he loved silvia plath shut up)

I never saw the rwrb comparisons

"I said I wanted to be a poet"

[beatleszeppelin]

If I asked you to stay, would you?

Summary: After a tough case, Reid stays home from work. You have to check on him. He looks sick, so you take him to the doctor, and it’s your job to take care of him.

Category: Sick Fic

Warnings/Includes: First couple paragraphs are sad criminal minds things, but feel free to skip that, and mention of puke

Word count: 4k

Written in (gender neutral) second person.

The piercing cold, and slight drizzle falling out of the dark sky around, adding insult to injury. Spirits were low, as rain washed a child's blood from the dirt. The case had not gone ideally; two lives lost, and the team just had to walk away.

 A somber walk back to the cars freezing water hitting, stinging his face. Reid’s nose was red, clothes and hair sopping wet, freezing. He got to the back seat of the car, he pulled his knees up, and let his head fall onto his hands. Morgan and JJ waited outside the car, giving the kid a minute alone. 

The drive back was quiet, JJ glanced back ever so often hoping Reid had fallen asleep, but every time she’d look back she would see his head pressed against the window, eyes darting with every opposing car. The street lights passed over, illuminating his face, and a shine lingering in his eyes. She’d put a comforting hand on Reid’s knee, like a mother would on a long car ride.

In damp clothes he finished his reports, and finally left the office at two. 

He entered the subway tunnels, light coming out as a path marker. The eerie feeling that comes with two a.m. is in the lingering, on the streets, in tiled subway tunnels, and definitely present in anything the moonlight touches. There is a surprising amount of people on the subway for being so early. A man in the corner, held a bag with paper towels in it. A little farther along was an old bag lady. Finding someone normal to sit near was going to be too much to ask for, until he saw a woman, sleeping and seemingly destitute, a baby squirming on her lap. He waved. And she returned it.

So he sat. He was talking to her, and playing with her. Doing magic has always gotten him far with kids, except when he was one. She squealed as he pulled a coin from behind her ear and he laughed along. She laughed at the look of him smiling, and when he leaned in to make funny faces at her, her giggle turned into a cough. He patted her back a little bit, to quiet her barking cough, trying to not wake the baby’s mother. If you’re tired enough to fall asleep on those plastic seats, then any sleep you could get must be a blessing.

His stop neared, and he pulled 20 dollars from his wallet and slipped it into the woman's purse. He also shook her shoulder to wake her up, his conscience wouldn’t allow him to leave the baby unattended.

“Sorry for waking you, I just thought…” He said nervously, and awkwardly smiled and waved goodbye to the baby.

“Thank you,” she whispered. And she started to pat the back of her daughter.

He got off the metro happy, and walked the rest of the way to his apartment, the yellow glowing street lights making the falling rain sparkle as it fell to the earth.

He got home and wanted to get some sleep before he had to get up and go to work at nine. He didn’t want to shower and change, he could do that in the morning. He threw a soft blanket across the couch. He sat down, and kicked his converses off of his heels. He laid down, wet hair hitting the pillow. 

***

You walked up the stairs to his apartment. You have twenty minutes until your lunch break is over, but when Garcia told you to check on Reid you knew you had to.  He has a tendency to shut everyone out; say he’s fine when he’s actually far from. He would say he’s fine until he literally exploded. 

You walked past apartment #19, #20, past an empty coffee cup on the floor, #21, then you ran back, picked up the coffee cup, and threw it away at the end of the hall. Apartment #23, you knocked. “Hey Reid, you there?” You tried knocking harder. “Hey kid let me in!” You were about to pound the door down like you were the cops, but you heard a click. Reid unlocked the door, and squinted at you.

“Why,” he cleared his throat a little, “Why are you here?” 

“Hi, it’s 1 in the afternoon, you didn’t show up to work today, and apparently you guys 

had a particularly bad case last night.”

“It’s one?” he said walking back into his apartment, to go find a clock.

You walked in, and straight to his kitchen, to wash your hands after touching that coffee cup. 

“You didn’t purposely not come in today?” 

“No, you’re insistent knocking woke me up.”

“So, you’re wearing your clothes from yesterday?”

“Yeah, I’d gotten home late last night, or actually early this morning, I guess.”

“Are you feeling okay?” You looked at his hair that was sweaty and stuck to his forehead.

“Kinda tired, I guess, but I’m fine.” He said staring off, trying to focus on how he actually felt.

“Here let me feel your forehead.” You reached up and pressed your hand to his face. You couldn’t tell, because you had just washed your hands rendering them cold. You ran your hand through his hair, and kissed his forehead. It was warm. His face turned red, and it came in splotches.

“I think you’re a bit warm. Would you like to try to get to the doctor before they close walk-ins?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Then I’m going to go back to the library. I hope you find a good excuse for not going to work today,”  You said, but couldn’t make a move for the door.

“If I don’t go, will you leave?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.

“You look really red, your face felt pretty warm, you slept in your wet clothes last night, and you may try to mask the fact that chills have been making you vibrate in front of me, but there is no way your not sick, no matter how many times you tell me you’re fine.”

“Okay, but I am fine.” He said, arms crossed, before heading to his bedroom to get dressed.

You waited in his apartment, absentmindedly flipped through some of his books. There were stacks of books everywhere; every spot you could fit a book, there was one. Two stacks of books were towered on his coffee table. On top of one was The Bell Jar by Silvia Plath, you hadn’t read it since high school, but you remember it being forward, and a bit unnerving.

Reid’s door opened, startling you. He walked out wearing a striped shirt and a sweater, with his signature mismatched socks and Converse. He looked comfortable, and very childlike.

“Are you ready?” You asked him.

“Yeah, I’ll grab my keys.”

“You drive?” You ask, never having seen him drive, you just assumed he didn’t or didn’t know how. How could you assume there was something that Dr. Spencer Reid didn’t know how to do.

You followed him down stairs to the parking garage, to a 65’ Volvo. “This is your car?” You asked.

“Yeah?”

“It’s so cool, I did not picture you driving something like this.” You didn’t picture him driving a cool older car, but you also didn’t picture him wearing mismatched socks, or dressing up for Halloween every year without fail. At this point nothing he did would surprise you.

“You didn’t picture me driving something cool? So, you don’t think I’m cool?”

“Well now I think you're cool, I mean after seeing this car.”

He pressed the volume button to turn on the radio, Tchaikovsky, the universe is restored. It was a ten minute-ish drive to the doctors. He signed in at the front desk, and you went to sit down. There were two seats under a window that you chose. The dark green vinyl was hot from the sun, but it was the only two isolated seats that you could see, other than the two girls that had the seats leaning on the wall. One of the girls had her hand under the other's skirt, and were kissing, very passionately. Hope one of them isn’t sick. You picked up one of the magazines next to you to avert your eyes. Home decorating, not the best option, but the bright colors and Pinterest mom’s will definitely keep you occupied.

Reid walked over to you and sat down, you could see him looking at the girls in the corner, and his face had bright red splotches on his cheeks. “Hey, are you into this?”

“What? No!” he said in a high pitched voice, like that of one of the chipmunks in Alvin and the Chipmunks. “Then why is your face bright red?”

“Maybe because the seats under the window are hot, and you shouldn’t be touching those magazines. They are one of the grossest things in here. Actually, the pen used at the front desk is, it has 46000 times more germs than the average toilet seat. That’s why I bring my own.”

You set the magazine down. “Hey is your face warm, you're still bright red?”

He looked over at you, shrugged at you and did his little awkward smile, and looked back down at the ground, head resting on his hands, elbows resting on his knees.

“Spencer, Spencer Reid!” A woman yelled from the doorway. 

Reid smiled and waved as he stood up.

“Wait, do I come in with you, or should I stay out here and see if I can join a thruple with those two?” He grabbed your wrist, seeing as to not touch your contaminated magazine hand, and helped you up to follow him in.

You guys walked back and the NP asked him to take his shoes off to step on the scale, he stepped up, a lime green sock and one purple striped sock now showing. “153 pounds,” the nurse said.

“Now stand over here so we can get your height,” You picked up his shoes for him, as she guided you across the hall to mark his height. He stood, back against the wall, “Okay, stand up straight.” He rolled his shoulders back and tilted his chin up. “6 foot 1 and ¼ inches”.

You passed his shoes back to him, following the nurse to one of the rooms in the back. You got to sit in one of the chairs that mom’s would sit in and talk for their kids. He hopped up on the bench, with a crinkle of the paper.

“The doctor will be in shortly,” she said, right before the nurse left the room.

Reid scooted back against the wall, letting his head fall back. You looked over at him, his face still looking flush, and his eyes were closed as he sat there. 

A knock on the door interrupted your observation, but made Reid sit up, attention now focused on the man. “Hi, I’m Dr. Bradman. What brings you in today?”

“I don’t…” Reid said looking over to you.

“His face has been a bit flushed, and he may have a low fever,” You said for him. “Oh, and he was out in the rain and cold last night, I don’t know if that would do anything.”

Reid piped up to say “Actually, being in the rain and cold doesn’t affect whether you will get sick or not. Being exhausted, stressed, under emotional duress, and having allergies with symptoms pertaining to nose and throat are the main reasons people get sick. Other than catching if from someone who is contagious.”

“Hey, that’s my line,” The doctor said, sitting down on a chair with wheels. 

Reid awkwardly smiled, looking down at his hands.

The doctor took Reid’s temperature, asked him a couple questions, and left for a couple minutes. 

You and Spencer sat in the room for a couple moments in silence, he was looking sicker by the moment. And after a while of silence, his head resting on the wall, eyes shut, the doctor walked back in.

“It looks like you are sick, your temperature was raised a bit, and the redness on your nose and cheeks is a common symptom of sixth disease.”

“Wait, that’s roseola, right?” You asked.

“No, that’s only for children under the age of three.” Reid said, slightly perplexed.

“Well yes, but it can occasionally affect adults who’ve never contracted it as a child.”

Reid’s shoulders dropped, “How long will it last?”

“It should clear up in the next three to five days.”

“Okay.”

“You can take medicine to reduce the fever, and stay hydrated.”

You two left the office, but not without teasing him on the way out. “I once babysat a kid that had sixth disease. He was up all night crying, do you need me to babysit you?”

“No! Just because I have a baby disease doesn’t mean I’m a baby” He crossed his arms on the walk back to the car.

“Do you want me to drive, so you can get some rest?” You asked, holding a hand out for his keys.

“Is this another joke?” He pushed his eyebrows together, and cocked his head slightly.

“No; no it’s not.”

“Can you drive a stick?” 

“Uh yeah, actually. I had a truck that was manual in high school.”

He gave an impressed nod and passed his keys over.

On the way home he laid his head against the cool glass of the window. His breath, making water bead up and fall. You walked him up to his apartment, but before you left you wanted to make sure he’d be okay.

“Do you have a thermometer? I just want to see what your temperature is before I leave you.” 

He walked away to his bathroom and came back with a thermometer sticking out of the side of his mouth. He was pouting, you don’t know if it was because you made him check his temperature or if he just felt sick. You pulled the stick out of his mouth after hearing the beep.

“100.3” You put your hands on his face, burning. “Do you want me to stay here for a little bit?”

“You don’t have to…” He said and raised his shoulders to shrug. “I know I don’t have to, but do you want me to? It would be no trouble.” You said walking to his kitchen to wash the thermometer.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“I would like you to stay, please.”

“Okay, why don’t you go to bed and try to rest, and I’ll run to the store and get some food for dinner.”

He nodded, “How long will you be gone?” Reid’s voice broke.

“Not too long, I should be back before you wake up, but if you need me just call me.”

“M’kay.”

You walked out of his apartment, down the stairs, running your fingers across the banister. Should you grab some clothes in case you need to spend the night? Yeah, might as well run home and get the car before going to the grocery store.

At the store you pick up some soup, popcorn to eat while watching a movie, cough medicine, ibuprofen (for the fever), and you couldn’t find any Gatorade, so you bought Pedialyte (I mean it’s the same stuff, and this is a baby disease). You also got a few other things you weren’t sure he had, and headed back.

When you twisted the key into the lock is when you started to hear some slight coughing and some whines in between. So, you put the soup on the stove, and went in to check on him. His face was covered in little red spots that trailed down into his shirt; he was asleep and his hands were balled up into fists by his face. Sweat stuck his bangs to his face, and every cough made him subconsciously whimper. 

Reid was asleep in front of you, looking like a baby. If people didn’t think he was a baby before, if only they saw him now. It’s hard not being able to help him, other than just letting him sleep, but when he wakes up he’ll feel a whole lot worse, so why not prolong the contentment here. 

You decided to go tend to the food, while he slept. In a few minutes though, you heard him get up out of bed and a door slam. You walked over to his couch, leaning on the arm rest waiting for him to come out. A couple moments went by and you were still standing there. If he came out now, it would be like you were just standing there staring at his door waiting for him, which is exactly what you are doing. You went around the couch and sat down, moving the pillows from how he had slept on them that morning. You picked up a book from the top of one stack, and opened it, but his door swung open. Reid stood there, in the doorframe, the sleeves of his shirt pulled down over his hands, his head hung low, and tear streaks down his face. His voice wobbled when he said “I threw up.”

“Are you okay, what do you need?” You asked, looking toward the giant toddler.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

“Let me check your fever.”

He nodded. You walked over to the kitchen to where you had left the thermometer, and while you’re in there you turn the heat off of the soup. You don’t think he wants it right now.

He puts the thermometer in his mouth and stares at you with puppy dog eyes until it beeps. He takes it out and hands it to you without reading it. “102.4!” You rush over to get some medicine, and a mug to put water in. “Here take this, baby. You must be miserable.”

He closed his eyes and gave a labored smile. Taking the medicine made him wince as he swallowed.

“Why don’t I run you a cool bath, to see if we can get your fever down faster?”

“‘Kay,” he started walking back to his room, stopping to brace himself on the wall.

You wrapped your arm around him, guiding him to his bathroom. You two stood awkwardly for a couple seconds not knowing what the first move was gonna be, but you sat him down on the toilet to wait for the water to fill. You ran the bath with lukewarm water, not hot, but not uncomfortably cold. Reid sat on his toilet, knees hugged to his chest, and his face and body were sweaty. 

You turned off the tap and looked at him quizzically. Reid quickly stood up to usher you out, but got a head rush and had to lean against a wall. You walked to the doorway and waited for his next move. He tried taking his shirt off, but only got one arm out; on the second arm his wrist got stuck on the sleeve. He flailed his arm for a second, before giving up and frustratedly slumping against the wall. You walked over to him, pulled his shirt over his head, and helped pick him up. You put your arms around his waist and pulled him up with little to no help from him. You two stood there for a second, holding Spencer; all of his weight leaned into you as you held him. He was shaking.

You helped him sit on the edge of the tub, and asked “How do we do this?”

“If I asked you to stay, would you?” He looked up at you with his big brown eyes.

“Absolutely.”

You helped wiggle him out of his pajama pants, and left him sitting in hot pink briefs. Then, turning around, you heard a little splash of him kicking his legs over, and then a slosh of water displacement.

“Okay, you’re good,” he whispered.

You turned back around and bent down next to the tub. He leaned his head on the edge of the bathtub and you folded up a hand towel and shoved it under for him to use as a pillow. You scooted back, and reached for a washcloth off of his counter. A small stack of them fell on top of you. You picked one up, that hadn’t touched the ground, and ran it under some cold water. After squeezing it out, you sat on the back of the tub, and dabbed it across Spencer’s forehead. He leaned his head against your thigh and looked up at you. You looked down at him, “If I knew I was staying here, I’d have run you a bubble bath.”

He smiled; you could tell his fever was going down a bit. Seeing him without clothes on, showed you just how much of his body was covered in little red splotches. They ran from his cheeks, down his chest, and stopped a little lower than his protruding hip bones. 

A few moments of you silently dabbing his face was interrupted by a coughing attack, leaving Spence shaking a bit. 

“Laying back may not be the best thing for a cough, why don’t we finish up in here so we can sit on the couch, maybe watch a movie or something?”

He nodded.

“Do you want me to wash your hair, it’s wet already from the washcloth,” you handed him the washcloth, and picked up the mug he drank water out of earlier.

“Yes please.” He placed the washcloth over his eyes and you dunked the mug in his bath water. You poured it over his head as he leaned back.

“Where’s your shampoo?”

He leaned forward and handed you the bottle. Johnson’s cotton touch 2 in 1 shampoo and body wash.

“You use 2 in 1 baby shampoo?” 

“It’s for sensitive skin.”

“It’s for babies.”

“If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me.”

“Can we at least buy you some conditioner some time?” You asked, giving him a mohawk with baby soap.

“Sure,” He said, defeated.

You pour the cup over his head again, rinsing his hair clean of soap. You handed him his towel from behind the door, and walked out, leaving the door open a little and sitting on his bed in the next room in case he needed you. In a minute he walked out in pajama pants with little cowboys on them, and a robe. 

You got up, went to his bathroom and brought out a comb. “Sit,” You scolded.

He sat on the edge of his bed, you behind him brushing his hair.

Once you were satisfied with the style, you linked arms with him and went out to the living room. He started moving the books and things off of his coffee table, while you went to go make popcorn. 

You came back with a box of saltines, a bowl of popcorn, and a bottle of pedialyte with a straw in it.

“Is this another joke?” he asked reading the label.

“No, they were out of the other stuff.”

You sat down, handing him the box of crackers. His laptop was open on the coffee table, and he threw a blanket across the both of you to share. 

“What are we going to watch?”

“Star Trek” he said and pressed the spacebar to play it.

“You’ll like it,” he said and put his head on your shoulder. “Hey, thanks for staying with me today.” 

“It’s no problem, I like hanging out with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and eventually we will need to buy you some conditioner.”

“It’s a date,” he said and snuggled closer to you.

You played with his hair until he fell asleep on your lap, leaving you watching Star Trek all night, but you do like it now.

[fridayiminlovemp3]

i was tagged by @moonsappho and @scifitoad (thank you🥰🥰🥰)

2020 top 5 tag

top five movies you saw this year

- little women

- knives out

- jennifer’s body

- emma

-parasite

top five tv shows you’ve watched this year

- sharp objects

- derry girls

- hannibal

- killing eve

- the good place

top five songs of 2020

- motion sickness by phoebe bridgers

- cardigan by taylor swift

- first love / late spring by mitski

- august by taylor swift

- supercut by lorde

- harmony hall by vampire weekend

top five books you read

- mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia

- catch and kill by ronan farrow

- normal people by sally rooney

- the bell jar by sylvia plath

- the song of achilles by madeline miller

five positive things that happened in 2020

- i had my highest gpa :-)

- got a diagnosis for my adhd

- started journaling and made more art!

- came out as non-binary

- dyed and bleached my hair a bunch of times (and it didn’t even fall out 😌 )

i’m tagging @h-isforhome @icantremembersorry @bisexualadamparrish @tr4nsduck @horaetio ( as always feel free to ignore this !!🦋)

[aimlesslinguist]

Get to Know Tag

Thank you for the tag, @latenight-stories ! I feel honoured to have been tagged :)

Rules: Tag nine people you want to get to know better or catch up with.

Favourite colour: I would say a peachy-pink as of now: it changes every year it seems!

Last song: Auf Augenhöhe by Antje Schomaker - https://open.spotify.com/track/5bWl8bwCgQGDtPQ2JuqtxE?si=d6f8fc9b00f449df (give it a listen, even non-German speakers! She has a soft indie vibe, very addictive).

Currently reading: I’m listening to two books simultaneously right now actually (I find audiobooks more relaxing whilst I have to read lots for uni) - The Bell Jar by Silvia Plath and Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (yes I am a classics try-hard right now, I promise I read less pretentious things too).

Last film: I almost finished Crazy Rich Asians for the second or third time at least, but they took it off Netflix before I could finish it... so technically... Greta Gerwig’s Little Women!

Sweet, savoury, or spicy: Always sweet! I have an incurable sweet tooth.

Currently working on: my dissertation, rather than my big novel project idea I’ve had for the last five years... but I am attempting to write small bits of poetry in between to keep the creative juices flowing!

Here are the nine people I would like to see do this tag!

@books-and-blossom , @just-another-messy-studyblr , @hanynism , @un-----made , @mysticalauthoress , @cookiecutterwrites , @writergirl12 , @writingtofindmyself and @writebruh ! No pressure if you don’t like tags :)

[americanmyths-blog]

Crazy Girl

Allyson Waldrop

Professor Rothenbeck

English 2270

1 May 2017

Crazy Girl

           Sylvia Plath was a famous American author who touched young women from all times and walks of life through her writings of real life struggles that young women face. In The Bell Jar, Plath wrote about a young woman named Esther Greenwood who had trouble fitting into societal norms of the 1950’s which ultimately lead to her “madness”. Today’s society has evolved in some of the gender roles, but the base platform of these roles has remained constant. It is through these gender roles that shows the deterioration of the minds of young women, in which Plath has been able to reach women over a span of fifty five years. Mental illness can take many shapes and forms; however, Plath uses four of the biggest issues young women face today, body image, depression, anxiety and suicide. Gender roles in the 1950’s required women to be pious, pure, domestic, and submissive. Esther Greenwood, Plath’s main character is a young woman whom is trying to discover herself. Throughout this time of discovery, Esther encounters issues of expectations in which she struggles with, because of these struggles Esther develops the beginning stages of many mental illnesses. During Esther’s time at Ladies’ Day, in New York City, she faces body image issues, and symptoms of bulimia. Esther also deals with being a submissive woman when she rejects Buddy Willards proposal for marriage which sends her in a downward spiral of depression. Thru the course of the novel Esther has an internal struggle which turns into a severe case of anxiety, about what kind of woman she wants to become, a housewife like Mrs. Willard or a professional writer, like her boss. During the novel Esther toys with the idea of committing suicide, after a few failed attempts Esther decides to lose her virginity to a Harvard professor in order to make her feel alive. Silvia Plath uses mental illness to reach her readers and expose the destruction of the minds of young women because of societal gender expectations that young women face.

Esther’s visit to Ladies’ Day shows the struggles Esther faces in regards to her body image. Esther attacks the food at the banquet, particularly the chicken, caviar and avocado. Esther mentions that “no matter how much [she] eats, [she] never puts on weight”, this leads the reader to believe that Esther has no problems with body image issues (Plath 24).  Caroline Smith, notes her article, "The Feeding of Young Women”, Smith notes that the conflict with in Esther’s statement is when she notes that she eats quicker than other girls when taken out on expense accounts because she orders more food. This suggests that Esther does notice how much food she intakes and thinks by eating faster the girls who are reducing, will not  notice her “tackles” the food she orders (Smith, “Feeding” ; Plath, 28). The engorging of her food shows that Esther has a body image insecurities because she does not feel comfortable eating as much as she would like to in front of the reducing girls. Shortly after inhaling her food, Esther return to her room and begins to purge the food. Esther continues to do take part in these bulimic activities. Body image and eating disorders have recently become a large issue in today’s society with young girls, they feel as though they must look like models in magazines, Esther feels this way too, only she is working for a magazine that makes her feel this way. Esther interns for Mademoiselle magazine, which promotes domestic ideals to their readers, along with their domestic ideals Mademoiselle also promotes submissive roles as they published in the September “How-To” edition with an article titled “How to get a man” (Smith, “Feeding).

Esther’s rocky relationship with her on again, off again, boyfriend, Buddy Willard shows the societal expectations of all women finding a man and being submissive to her husband as early as they can graduate college with their “Mrs.” degrees. During Christmas Buddy Willards father drives Esther to the sanatorium to see Buddy. Buddy who had always thought writing was useless, had written a poem to show Esther, after reading she “though it was dreadful” (Plath 92). There Esther declines Buddy’s marriage proposal of “being Mrs. Buddy Willard”, in an attempt to try again, Buddy takes Esther to ski. There Esther has a terrible accident and breaks her leg in two places, ultimately ruining Buddy chance of proposing again ( Plath 93, 98). After the ski trip Esther returns home where she falls into a deep depression, Esther decides to write a novel. Esther begins to spiral out when she can no longer sleep. She is jealous of her snoring mother and debates strangling her in the middle of the night, an odd notion and she feels as though she needs weight to push on her in order for her to feel safe, symptoms which are common in patients who are in the beginning stage of schizophrenia (Séllei, Fig Tree). Because of this behavior “[she] cant sleep. [she] cant read” and turns to her family doctor for more sleeping pills. Depression is a common thread between woman when turning down a proposal, society has placed emphasis on the idea of a man asking a woman to marry means she must say yes, this breakthrough of Esther saying no shows Esther that there consequences to denying a man, these consequence of breaking a leg and having a sleeping disorder lead to the sever anxiety she faces throughout the novel. Thru the summer Esther is uncertain about what she will accomplish with the next phase of her life, she debates dropping out of school, going to Germany and ultimately decides to write her novel, this causes the depression to partner with anxiety which will corrode Esther’s mind and ultimately lead to her destruction.

In the novel, Esther has been having an inner conflict with who she wants to become. Esther is faced with deciding to become either Mrs. Willard or Jaycee. Mrs. Willard, Buddy’s mother, is a house wife who represents one side of life, Esther as Buddy Willards wife. Mrs. Willard shows the domestic roles of a woman in 1950s society. She cooks, cleans and tends to her husband. Mrs. Willard. Mrs. Willard is a symbol of the ideal woman, she sums up what she thinks is the key to marriage, she tells Esther “What a man wants is a mate and what a woman wants is infinity security” (Plath 84). Plath uses Mrs. Willard to show the treatment of husbands to their wives. Esther tells the reader she found Mrs. Willard once making a rug that was made out of Mr. Willards old suits, Plath is showing us that husbands walked over their wives because women were supposed to be submissive (Plath 84). Esther also debates about aspiring to be her boss, Jaycee. Jaycee is a professional editor for Mademoiselle magazine. Jaycee is committed to her career, even though she is married. Jaycee pushes Esther to think about who she wants to be and where she wants to go. Jaycee tells Esther that she must do something to separate herself from the “hundreds of girls…thinking they’ll be editors” (Plath 33). Jaycee, while married, represents the single life in which Esther is only focused on her career. Esther is so worried about choosing which one she wants to be. Esther does not want to make the wrong choice however will not make up her mind about which path to take. This gives Esther added anxiety about not knowing her future all throughout the book. This added anxiety does not help stop the deterioration of her mind. In the 1950’s society, piousness was a needed virtue for an ideal woman, however because of the severe anxiety that Esther had, she is not able to decide what she wants, thus making her non-pious. Plath is writing ahead of her time once again, as society has evolved into allowing women to be in the work force, more and more young girls stress themselves and give themselves anxiety attacks because they cannot decide what to do. Esther is not able to make a decision because of her anxiety and depression and thus decides suicide is her only option.

The double standard in today’s society is the same double standard in the 1950s society. Esther’s deep depression, anxiety, body image issue and stress have final built up. Esther decides to attempt suicide multiple times. Esther fails and because of this needs to feel alive again. Esther is jealous of Buddy Willard losing his virginity to a waitress. Esther does not want to have sex because she is in love, but only to get back at Buddy Willard. Esther takes a trip with Joan to Cambridge, there she meets a professor and decides to lose her virginity. Esther has sex with the professor and then begins to bleed profusely. Even though she is hemorrhaging, Esther isn’t phased and shows that she was only doing it to lose her virginity, “I smiled into the dark. I felt part of a great tradition” (Plath 229).   This rare and unfortunate situation in which she loses her pureness leads to her ending up in an institution. This is always a relevant topic to young women because every day women are forced to choose between being pure and being a prude. The double standard was not as prevalent in the 1950’s because the expectations were to wait for marriage, however today expectations are flipped in which some woman are expected to have sex on the first date. This double standard and failed attempt at suicide allow Esther to receive the help she needs in an institution. Esther can recover in the institution from her mental illnesses and gain a friendship with another young girl named Joan. Joan is Esther’s double. As Esther gets better the reader assumes Joan is getting better as well, but when Esther wakes from the hospital, she learns Joan has killed herself. This is still applicable to today society in that everyday young women are losing other friends who are young women due to anxiety, stress, depression and body image.

Esther Greenwood was created by Sylvia Plath to show how young girls are affected by societal norms and that it can cause women to suffer from mental illnesses such as body image, depression, anxiety and even suicide. Plath uses scenes such as Ladies’ Day, Buddy Willard’s proposal, anxiety of the future and the loss of Esther’s virginity to show that young women experience all kinds of physical and emotional problems growing up in a society with unequal gender roles of women and men.  Silvia Plath uses mental illness to reach her readers and expose the destruction of the minds of young women because of societal gender expectations that young women face. Sylvia Plath’s novel The Bell Jar, is a classic piece of American Literature that is easily identifiable to young women who are trying to discover who they are.

 Works Cited

 Plath, Sylvia. The Bell Jar. London: Arcturus, 2014. Print.

 Sellei, Nora. "THE FIG TREE AND THE BLACK PATENT LEATHER SHOES: THE BODY AND ITS REPRESENTATION IN SYLVIA PLATH'S "THE BELL JAR"." JSTOR [JSTOR]. Web. 27 Apr. 2017.

 Smith, Caroline J. ""The Feeding of Young Women": Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar, Mademoiselle" Magazine, and the Domestic Ideal." College Literature 37.4 (2010): 1-22. JSTOR. Web. 26 Apr. 2017.

[taemsgirl]

Omg there were so many good ones!! But I'd say can you do these: 🎁, 🍀 ^^, 🎤, 📚, 😔, 😌, 🐵 and 🎬?

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

i answered this but i’ll also say hanging out with my best friends in la - we always have the best time 

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

ohh this is a really great question! not to sound like a w**b but if i could trade places with sophie from howl’s moving castle i absolutely would 💫

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

move by taemin has been stuck in my head since it came out yesterday

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

“you’re the kind of person I wanna be with when I want to be alone” - eleanor & park by rainbow rowell

“i took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart: i am, i am, i am” - the bell jar by silvia plath

 “how wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world” - the diary of a young girl by anne frank

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

when i’m really sad or my depression is winning that day i just kind of distance myself from everyone - i have a playlist specifically for that kinda mood that i’ll put on and i’ll just sit in my room and cry it out. sometimes you just gotta go through it u know? that’s just what works best for me. 

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

this is such a warm follow up question. everyone deals with their sadness differently, and whenever i’m really sad i just have to remind myself how far i’ve come. i think of 10 year old me who truly thought everything was falling apart around her and i think of how hard i worked to make her proud and that really helps me want to keep going for her ❤️

🐵 which quotes changed you?

my chemical romance is my favorite band and gerard way has been my role model since i was 12, there’s so much he’s said over the years that really helped me but during an acceptance speech in 2011 he said “don’t ever let the media tell you what your body is supposed to look like. you’re beautiful the way you are …. stay beautiful, keep it ugly” and it just really stuck with me ever since

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

i seriously have a lot and i’ve answered a question similar to this a few times before so i’m just gonna copy my answers lol:  2005 pride & prejudice, peter pan, mulan, the little mermaid, lion king, mermaids, beetlejuice, now & then, coco, spirited away, howl’s moving castle, moulin rouge, the handmaiden, the beauty inside, the nightmare before christmas, steel magnolias, pretty woman, breakfast at tiffany’s, ocean’s eleven (1960), edge of love, like crazy, pretty in pink, anastasia

also those panic! songs you sent me were so good i love golden days, house of memories and collar full! and you already know how much i love shawn’s new song 💞 please feel free to send me songs to listen to anytime!

send me an emoji