#Its a custody battle between two older siblings at this point

[curseofhyperfixation]

How are the archivists doing lately?

Bickering.

And they have not stopped for at least 8 months.

(Where are the other two? I haven't finished their design dhsaiudh sorry-)

[bamf-alec]

All Things By A Law Divine

Chapters 16-20

Artist: Lady Koalart (who did an absolutely incredible job)

Beta: @jeanboulet​

Pairings: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, various background pairings

Summary: Magnus had waited a long time for his soulmate to be born. Fate must have had a sick sense of humour, though, because after all these centuries, it had handed him a Shadowhunter. Magnus didn’t know who this Shadowhunter was, or how they could possibly be meant for each other, but he did know that this story wouldn't have a happy ending.

Alec also knew all about fate's sense of humour. He had known this his whole life. But the ground was coming up from under him and everything he knew was being turned on its head, systematically picked up and pulled apart and handed back to him looking nothing like it did before. Valentine was alive. His own parents had been members of the Circle. The Lightwoods’ grip on the Institute was slipping. And, through all this, his siblings had found their soulmates.

Alec had found Magnus. But that didn’t mean anything, did it?

Link to AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33515842/chapters/83272549

** I would really prefer you read it on AO3! **

This fic was created for the Shadowhunters Mini Bang 2021: Presented by the @malecdiscordserver

Chapter 16

For most of her childhood, Isabelle Lightwood had bought into every fairytale. Soulmates were a gift from the angel and soulmarks a guide to the right path. They were a little bit magical — this mystical tether between two people, a string they could follow until they found the person who would be perfect for them. A reward for everything the Nephilim did for them, for all of their hard work and the difficult, battle-driven lives they led.  For Downworlders, they were a consolation for which they should be grateful. For which they should feel honoured by. How merciful, how kind, how magnanimous the angels were to give this gift to the devil’s children too so that they might have some good, some light as well.

Now, Isabelle knew the fairytale was bullshit. Soulmates were as much a curse as they were a gift, and they were only magical by the most practical definition. The bond was made of magic, but they weren’t beautiful, mystical stories. Isabelle had spent too many years seeing how they hurt the people she loved to think otherwise.

To be fair, it had all worked out for Jace. Jace was as happy as she’d ever seen him, and Clary was almost a perfectly respectable young Shadowhunter woman like the Clave would approve of. Almost. If it wasn’t for her father, or her stealing the mortal cup, or her generally doing spectacularly risky things in the name of saving her mother.

“You’re doing what now?” Alec demanded.

Clary huffed. She’d been getting more impatient by the second for too many seconds. “This portal is the only way to get to Valentine.”

Alec was unfazed. Alec was rarely fazed by stubbornness or stupidity, unless it was so stupid that it couldn’t be expected, even from someone as impulsive as Jace. “This portal in some unknown alternate dimension that you could lose yourself in and be stuck forever?”

Clary nodded. “That’s the one.”

“It’s your funeral,” Alec sighed. He made the face he’d make when he was tired of dealing with people who couldn’t be reasoned with. Isabelle had seen it many, many times. 

“Actually,” Jace cut in, looking sheepish. “It’s our funeral. I’m going with her.”

Alec stared at him. “To the alternate timeline, where you’ll be put in alternate-you’s mundane body, who you might end up as forever or, if you don’t, then you find a portal that takes you to Valentine, whom you face alone because no one else is stupid enough to go into this alternate dimension with you?

Jace nodded. “That’s the one.”

Isabelle, who had been letting them hash this all out for a while now, finally stepped in. She put a hand on Alec’s arm. “We can trust Meliorn. If he thinks this will work, then I believe him. It’s worth the risk.”

Jace pointed a hand at her in agreement, raising his eyebrows at Alec. Alec shook his head. He held Izzy’s gaze until he found what he was looking for. Or until he caved, because Alec had always had a soft spot for Izzy’s pleading face. She knew that, and she wasn’t above putting it to use. Alec made a ‘go-ahead’ gesture with his hand, and then folded his arms and turned around to glare at the trees.

Meliorn opened the portal. It was rare that Isabelle saw seelie magic, and she was always taken aback by the beauty of it. It was an extension of the world around it, like a conversation between seelie and nature.

Meliorn made a face when Jace stepped through the portal. He hadn’t wanted him to go with Clary, but he, too, was not immune to Izzy’s pleading face. So off they went to find the portal and hopefully put a stop to Valentine.

Isabelle shivered. It was still unthinkable that he was back, and that his goals hadn’t changed from before he’d faked his death. She couldn’t imagine being so hateful of the Downworld, just as she couldn’t imagine committing such atrocities against innocent people, whether they had demon blood or not. Sometimes, Izzy preferred the Downworld to her own. They had their prejudices and their conflicts, but it was nothing like the swift and merciless hand of the Clave striking down anyone who stepped a toe out of line.

When she looked at Alec, she could see the tension in his shoulders. It had been getting worse and worse the past few weeks. She’d hoped that after the memory demon he might’ve relaxed a bit, let down his guard ever so slightly now that the secret was out and the world hadn’t ended. Instead, it’d had the opposite effect.

Isabelle had stopped wondering when her brother would let himself be happy some time ago, but she still held out hope that it would happen.

She approached him carefully and rested her hand on his back. “Alec,” she said softly, moving her head to try to get him to meet her eyes. He stared resolutely at the trees. She sighed. “They’ll be okay.”

Alec shook his head. “It’s not just them I’m worried about. You helped Meliorn escape Clave custody, and it’s only a matter of time before they figure that out. If they haven’t already. Actions have consequences.”

Actions have consequences. Alec had been saying that to her since she’d picked up her first training sword. When she skipped out on her rune lessons. When she and Jace played a prank on Hodge. When she snuck out of the Institute. When she started seeing Meliorn. He kept saying it, but most often it wasn’t true. Not for her. It was only now, as she was older and as this mess with her family name had opened her eyes to what it meant to be a Shadowhunter and a Lightwood, that she realized her actions did have consequences. It just usually wasn’t her that felt them.

“You didn’t have anything to do with that,” she reassured him.

Alec snorted. “It’s not me I’m worried about.”

It never was. Alec spent all of his worry on his family, and all of his shame and anger on himself. She could see the leather bracelet she’d made for him years ago, though his wrist was tucked into the fold of his arms. She rested her hand on it, feeling the woven leather under her fingers.

Her voice was soft, still aware of Meliorn behind them, when she asked, “Did you see Magnus?”

Alec turned his head to look at her. His jaw was a tight line, right up until he moved his hand out of the fold of his arms and into hers. Then he just looked tired. “Isabelle, please.”

Isabelle felt guilty only for an instant. She knew that she was part of his constant exhaustion. She didn’t mean to be. She never wanted to be. It was just that Alec had always loved her so fiercely, had always done absolutely everything for her, that she kept thinking she could do the same thing for him. Only, she never seemed to get it right.

The bracelet, at least, she knew had been right. It was reassuring now, when she looked at him and saw the weight on his shoulders or the walls he’d put up while she looked for a window. This, at least, she knew had helped.

She squeezed his fingers. She gave him a smile, the best she could when all she felt was worry, and then let him go. She said her goodbyes to Meliorn while Alec waited, and they walked back to the Institute in silence.

.

Actions have consequences, Isabelle thought bitterly to herself. She folded her legs over each other, the leather couch tugging at her skin. She smoothed down the front of her dress. Alec slammed his hands on the desk, then leaned into them, his back a picture of tension from where she sat.

“The cup is your only way out of this,” he muttered. She wasn’t sure if it was directed at her, or if he was just thinking out loud and bemoaning their current predicament. “I knew I shouldn’t have let them go.”

“And if you hadn’t?” Izzy demanded. “What difference would it make? We can’t give the Clave the cup, Alec.”

Alec looked over his shoulder at her. “Why not?”

Izzy stood. She crossed the room in swift steps, heels clicking, until she leaned against the desk beside him. “The cup is the only way of getting to Valentine. That’s the priority. Saving the Downworld. If we give it to the Clave, who knows what they’ll do with it? They’ll probably lock it away in Idris and keep pretending they’re making every effort to find Valentine while doing everything but what will actually stop him. And by then how many more lives will he have taken?”

They held each other’s gaze until Alec looked away. He looked at the stained glass window behind the desk, Raziel with the mortal instruments, weaving the souls of two faceless Shadowhunters together. Alec’s voice was quiet when he said, “You’ll be deruned.”

Isabelle put her hand over his. He was wearing the family ring, as he had since their parents had given it to him at his runing ceremony. A bulky, victorian thing, passed from son to son through generations. For Izzy’s runing ceremony, Alec had given her the serpent-shaped whip she wore around her wrist.

She smiled sheepishly. “Know any good lawyers?”

It had the desired effect. The hopeless look on Alec’s face eased enough for him to breathe out a laugh. He turned around, folding his arms against his chest. It pulled his shirt taut, and there was no bulge where a bandage would have been. Magnus must have healed him after all.

Isabelle bit her lip. She played with her bracelet, the snake’s head twisting in and out of sight. It would be manipulative, she knew. It would be another push that Alec didn’t want. It would be the same as every other time she had tried to help and only ended up reminding him of his hurt.

But…

This was different, wasn’t it? Magnus was different.

Pushing him towards Alec when he’d come to fix the wards had been the same kind of thing, and that seemed to have worked out.

“Alec,” she began carefully. When she found herself under his scrutiny, she hesitated. Then she pushed her shoulders back and reminded herself that she was Isabelle Lightwood, social butterfly, smooth-talker extraordinaire, relationship expert. “Do you think Magnus would do it?”

Alec’s face immediately twisted. “Magnus? He’s not even… Lydia said she would help, if we could give her a way to do it.”

Izzy rolled her eyes. “I doubt she can be both the prosecutor and my representative.”

Alec shook his head. He brought his thumb up to worry his bottom lip, searching for an answer in the floor. He muttered, “We need more time.”

“The Inquisitor’s already here. We don’t have more time. Magnus— ”

“Just,” Alec held up a hand. He gave her a hard look. “Just let me talk to Mom and Dad first. If they made it out of the Circle as the heads of this Institute, then… Let me talk to them.”

Izzy sighed, but relinquished. “Fine. But if they can’t help then will you please just consider—”

Alec clasped her shoulders, cutting her off. He kissed the top of her head. She put her arms around him, stealthily slipping one hand into his pocket. “I’ll go find them. You just stay here and keep playing solitaire.”

The door closed behind him. It echoed. Raziel stared down at her in judgement, the mortal cup in hand.

Isabelle threw herself back onto the couch, this time with much less poise. Petulantly, she muttered, “Maybe I’ll even try Mahjong.”

Chapter 17

“I have to say,” Magnus declared as he fixed the buttons of his suit jacket. He inspected the stained glass and stuffy, boring furniture. “I was surprised to get your fire message. Have we devolved from texting?”

“They took my phone,” Isabelle replied. She sat in the chair, her feet kicked up on the desk. She wore a stunning pair of thigh-high leather boots that could not have been comfortable to run around in. “And my stele. I stole Alec’s.”

Magnus abandoned his inspection of the pileup of dust on the fireplace to whirl around and raise his eyebrows at her. “Stole it? He doesn’t know you called me?”

Isabelle shrugged mysteriously. “I mentioned something about it.”

Magnus narrowed his eyes. It was an elaborate way of saying no. Magnus was a fan of all things elaborate, but he was not a fan of possibly sneaking around behind the back of someone whose feelings he cared about. Not to mention he’d done it once already, helping them smuggle out the cup. Though was that sneaking if Alec had been nowhere in sight and Isabelle had sworn to tell him right after? He hoped she had told him. He hoped the reason Alec wasn’t here, once again, was because he didn’t know what was going on, and not because he was so angry at his siblings for getting into this mess that he was leaving them to fix it themselves.

That didn’t sound like Alec, as far as Magnus knew. So there was that, at least.

Magnus sighed. He folded himself down on the stylish leather couch, clearly placed there by someone who was not involved with decorating the rest of the room. “I’m going to be honest, Isabelle. The Clave does not have a notable record of dropping cases, least of all when there’s an example to be made of someone. And you, my friend, would make quite the example indeed.”

Isabelle hummed. It was clearly nothing she didn’t already know. “Can you fight it?”

Magnus moved his hands around enigmatically. Coloured light from the stain-glass window bounced off his myriad of rings. “Will I try my absolute best? Of course. Will the Clave listen to a Downworlder and a traitor? Hard to say.”

Isabelle laughed. “I knew you were the right person to call. Alec didn’t—” She cut herself off abruptly, drawing her lips into her mouth. It was entirely unsubtle and, just to make sure of it, she looked completely away from Magnus, too.

Magnus wondered if he was being played, or if she genuinely hadn’t meant to mention Alec. Isabelle had a way of making everything she did seem intentional.

He took the chance. “Alec didn’t… What? Want me here?”

Isabelle gave him an apologetic look. “He wanted me to wait until he’d exhausted all other options. He went to talk to our parents. But it’s been an hour, so I don’t think it’s going well.”

Magnus contemplated. “If Alec doesn’t want my help, I’d hate to go against his wishes.”

“No, no, no,” Isabelle said urgently, pulling her feet off the desk. Her heels hit the floor and she rounded the desk to grab Magnus’s hands. “It’s not like that. He’ll be glad you’re here. And I need you. Help me, Magnus. You’re my only hope.”

“Have you actually seen Star Wars?” Magnus questioned dubiously.

Izzy shrugged. “My soulmark,” she said, like that explained it, which it mostly did.

Magnus sighed. He squeezed her hands before he dropped them. He could never turn away a friend in need, least of all one who had only been trying to help the Downworld. This generation of Shadowhunters was most definitely proving more trouble than they were worth, but it was a much better kind of trouble than the generation before them.

“Alright,” he relinquished. “Let’s work on your defense.”

Izzy gave him an uncertain look, but it was charming. “Do I even have a defense? I’m guilty. I helped Jace steal the cup, and I helped Meliorn escape, and I helped them all head off into the abyss after Valentine.”

Magnus shook his head. “We’re not arguing that you’re not guilty. We’re arguing intention. Everyone here has a common goal — hunting down that monster and putting an end to his reign of terror. Everything you did was in furtherance of that goal. We just have to hope that the Clave despises Valentine more than they do one misguided teenager who went about things a little bit wrong, but whose heart was ultimately in the right place.”

Izzy snorted. “I don’t think the Clave puts much weight on heart.”

“Then hopefully they’ll just see you as a nuisance who’s unlikely to evolve into anything worse, and not want to bother with all that sentencing and deruning and shunning.”

“But shunning is their favourite pastime,” Izzy said gravely.

Magnus laughed. Izzy did, too.

He thought about telling her that even if this went terribly, she would be okay. Magnus had experience acclimating exiled Shadowhunters to mundane life, and he wouldn’t mind a roommate for a while. It sounded comforting to him, but he also knew that Shadowhunters tended to like to remain Shadowhunters, and didn’t tend to like to think about the alternative.

So he didn’t. Instead, he focused on her case. He wasn’t entirely up to date on Clave law, but he was certain it hadn’t changed that much in the last few centuries. Few things among the Nephilim ever did. Even the window, Raziel bestowing upon his loyal soldiers the consolation prize of a soulbond, had been here since the Institute was built.

Magnus checked his cufflink, just to make sure his sleeve wasn’t going anywhere.

Sed lex dura lex, his mark read. The law is hard but it is the law. Unlike the usual tidy print the words that showed up on his wrist took, this one was written in more of an angry scrawl, like someone had been pressing the pen really hard into the paper, even when it kept piercing through.

Magnus understood. That was how he had always felt about the Shadowhunters’ little motto. Looking at Isabelle, he hated it even more now.

Chapter 18

It was like Alec’s parents knew their daughter was facing imminent doom and had purposely made themselves as difficult as possible to locate. He checked all their usual places, including their bedroom, and asked three different Shadowhunters, who gave him three different answers. Every room he didn’t find them in sent his heart rate skyrocketing, anxiety building as the time ticked down.

He finally found them in one of the ops rooms he’d checked on his first pass, but had circled back to out of lack of anywhere else to look. He worked really hard to calm himself before he entered. They weren’t the ones he was frustrated at. They were on the same side. They all loved Isabelle. They would help. Or, at least, they would want to.

“Mom,” Alec greeted. He was a little out of breath. “Dad. We need your help.”

Maryse and Robert Lightwood looked at each other. Then, Alec’s mother sat carefully in one of the chairs around the holographic table. Robert gestured for Alec to take one, too, and joined her. Alec didn’t.

“Isabelle,” Robert nodded. “We know. The Inquisitor went over all the charges with us.”

Alec’s voice was hurried. “Then you know how bad it is. She could be deruned. Please, tell me you have a plan to stop this. Are you going to represent her?”

Robert shook his head. “Alec, sit.”

“I don’t want to sit, I want to help my sister. Where the hell have you been? Did you even go to see her?”

“Alexander,” Robert said very sternly. He pinned his son with a dangerous look until Alec reluctantly took the chair across from them. Then, he huffed and leaned back in his seat. “We’ve been discussing the matter and we think we have found a solution that will work for all parties involved. When we faced trial after… those events, we received leniency for a number of reasons. The primary one being you, Alec.”

Robert scratched at his wrist, where Alec knew his soulmark was nothing but a grey line. Maryse caught the movement and folded her hands together on the table, leaning towards Alec to finish the story. “It wasn’t just that the Clave was reluctant to exile an infant Shadowhunter along with his parents. It was also the fact that we had you, that you were healthy and well-taken care of. It was proof of our values. That family was as important to us as it is to the Clave. Our marriage, as well. Duty, honour, commitment. That’s what a marriage signifies.”

Alec shook his head. His foot tapped, and he put a hand on his knee to stop it. “So, what? You’re saying Izzy should fake being pregnant? Engaged? Everyone knows she has a soulmark.”

Maryse glanced nervously at her husband, and Alec was reminded that he’d been avoiding her for over a week now. It seemed so petulant now, so ridiculous. Maybe if he’d gone to her sooner, as soon as he’d found out those idiots had taken the cup, then none of this would have escalated as it had.

“Right now our family doesn’t represent the Clave’s values. But if we did, if the Lightwood name were respectable again…”

Robert interrupted his wife, never one for dancing around the point. “Marry Lydia Branwell. The Inquisitor holds her in good standing, and her family is one of the most respectable there is.”

“Lydia?” Alec gasped. He looked back and forth between his parents, wondering if they were joking. They both looked sternly back, faces tight and serious. “You hate Lydia.”

Maryse glanced at her husband. “We disliked her taking over the Institute. But that would be a different story if she were our daughter-in-law. She’d be family. The Institute would belong to us again. Besides, we know she’s already expressed an interest.”

“So that’s what this is about?” Alec scoffed. Anger boiled hot inside him. “Do you care about Izzy or is this just an opportunity to further your agenda of having your children clean up your mistakes?”

Maryse rose from her chair, towering. A picture of the swift hand of discipline that had descended on all the Lightwood children exponentially more often than the hand of kindness or support. “Do not speak to us that way, Alexander,” she snapped, but she caught herself. She breathed, squared her shoulders, and tried to be as gentle as Maryse Lightwood ever could when she said, “Even if you find another way to protect Isabelle now, it’s only a matter of time before something else threatens this family. The Clave is unsatisfied and distrustful of us. They don’t want us here, in power. A good, respectable marriage would put all this to rest once and for all.”

“A good, respectable marriage,” Alec repeated, mockingly. He shook his head. His tone left no doubt that he didn’t mean it as a compliment when he said, “Like what you have?”

Maryse inhaled sharply, but Robert’s expression only narrowed. “Watch yourself, Alec.”

Alec stood. “No. Is this what you want for your children? What you have? That’s the kind of life you want to condemn us to? Or, no, sorry not us. Because unlike the Circle, the Clave thinks soulmate bonds are the holiest of bullshit. So Izzy and Jace are out, and Max is too young, which just leaves me to clean up the mess you’ve made of the Lightwood name because I don’t have a mark. How convenient.”

“Convenient?” Maryse shook her head in confusion. She looked to Robert, but his brow was furrowed too. “Alec, none of this is convenient. It’s just what needs to happen. I know you’re young and your siblings have filled your head with their love of Downworlders so you’ve forgotten how the Clave works, but for us duty must come before anything else. You have a duty to this family. And, yes, you are the one in the best position to fulfil it because you don’t have a soulmate. So think about your siblings. Jace can bond with Valentine’s daughter, and Isabelle with whoever she finds. They’ll be happy, and bonded, and they will still enjoy all of the privileges and affordances that come with leading the Institute. And all thanks to you.”

“A noble sacrifice,” Alec said flatly. He took his seat again. “It is convenient, though, isn’t it? That I don’t have a mark. I’m a blank slate you can match up with whoever serves this family best.”

“Alec,” Maryse sighed. It was sad, tired, as it always was when a young Alec used to ask about his wrist. She had very rarely humoured him, usually avoiding the subject. Alec was beginning to understand why, and it wasn’t for the reasons he’d always thought. “I’m sorry. I hope you know that I would’ve wanted that for you. You deserve a soulmate as much as anyone else. But this is the reality, and one day you’ll need to accept that.”

Alec stared at her. He realized he was playing with his sleeve, pushing it up enough to run his thumb across his skin. He took a breath, and then another, until he could speak without the anger or frustration that seemed so constant now. The numbness had passed, as had the war of countless emotions, and had settled into a cloud of acrimony. “I accepted that a long time ago, Mom, but I’m not sure it is the reality.”

Silence collapsed on the room. Maryse searched her son’s face, every one of her muscles frozen. It was quiet long enough for him to know that she knew what he wasn’t saying, long enough for him to know that she’d known already what he’d only just found out. That she had known for a long, long time. They stared at each other in a wordless communication.

Robert broke it. He pushed his chair back and stood, righting his jacket where it’d ridden up. His expression was as impassive as ever. “This is pointless. Alec, make a decision. I’m going to see how the trial is coming along.”

That got Alec’s attention. “The trial? It hasn’t started.”

Robert frowned at him. “It started ten minutes before you came in here.”

“And you didn’t say anything?”

Robert looked at him like he was crazy. “I thought you knew. Besides, I didn’t think you’d need this much convincing to do the right thing,” he said. It was stern, disappointed. A familiar tone.

After a beat, he shook his head and left. His hand rested on his wife’s lower back when he passed her, and she gave him a small, grateful smile.

Alec watched with a clenched jaw. Then, he stood too. Whatever else was going on, Isabelle came first. If the trial had started, then he was too late, anyway. All that was left now was to show her his support by holding her hand while whatever happened played itself out. These things usually took at least an hour, with all the Clave’s fanfare, so maybe he still had time to make a phone call and get her an advocate. Not the option he’d hoped for, but the only one he seemed to have.

He didn’t make it to the door when his mother grabbed him by the arm.

“Alec,” she said imploringly, her voice barely a whisper. Her expression was pleading. It was unfamiliar. Alec had never seen his mother look anything but disappointed, proud, or carefully neutral. The hand she had grabbed him with was the one with her soulmark, covered with a tight band just as it had been his whole life.

He shouldn’t do this now. He couldn’t help it. He’d been pushing it down for over a week, every time he saw her, never knowing how to bring it up or if he even wanted to. But he couldn’t avoid it anymore. “Was it you? Or did you just help cover it up?”

Maryse’s eyes widened. He thought she looked a little panicked, but it was hard to tell when he’d never seen it on her before. “I don’t—”

“Don’t, Mother. For once, can we please not lie to each other?”

Alec heard her inhale, watched pain fill her eyes. She opened her mouth and closed it, gave him a hopeless look. It was clear she didn’t know what to say. Alec didn’t, either.

Maryse Lightwood had always been a pillar in the New York Institute. In Alec’s life. Unshakeable, strong. She handled every challenge with dignity and grace, had a firm command over everyone born out of respect, honour, duty. She was the perfect Shadowhunter. A leader, a soldier, a diplomat. She had married into a strong Shadowhunter name and passed it to three strong children. She had taken in another when he had nowhere else to go, and he, too, had made her proud. She had trained them, taught them, guided them on the right path, instilled in them good, Shadowhunter values.

Alec had only one memory of her as a mother that stood out to him. Before Jace or Max, when it was just him and Isabelle, and Robert spent more time in Idris than he did with his family. Alec hadn’t been able to sleep, and he’d snuck into the kitchen to steal some sweets where he knew the chef hid them. She’d caught him. He’d been terrified, certain he was about to be reprimanded and assigned double the training time for the next week. His arms were already sore from having double that week.

She hadn’t. Instead, she had leaned down and flicked his nose with a smile. “I won’t tell if you won’t,” she’d said. She had even kissed the top of his head, squeezing him tight for just a second.

Maryse had never been shy with her pride or with her praise when they performed admirably at their assigned tasks. But she had never been affectionate, either. Warmth was not something that came easily to Maryse. Unconditional love didn’t, either. Maryse had never been shy with the conditions that came with it.

Alec ripped his arm out of her grip. “I’m going to help Izzy.”

Chapter 19

The trial was already underway when Magnus finally saw Alec. He came in through the back and quietly took the seat behind him and Isabelle, his expression positively stormy. He could see their parents a few rows back, looking equal parts disapproving and distraught. Their talk must not have gone well, then.

Magnus frowned at Alec, who met his eyes. Alec pursed his lips, shaking his head to say either ‘it doesn’t matter’ or ‘my parents are assholes who can’t help and whom I’m feeling very inclined to murder right now’. Magnus offered a consolatory nod and turned his attention back to where everything was falling spectacularly apart.

Isabelle’s questioning had gone about as well as could be expected. Lydia had proven to be far more ruthless than Magnus had given her credit for. His opening argument hadn’t been a roaring success, either. It hadn’t been his best moment, but he’d been so overcome by his frustration with the Clave and their oppressive regime that seemed only to exist to hurt people, that he’d devolved to petulantly exclaiming, “It’s the cup’s fault. Put the cup on trial!”

And then he’d immediately gone back to his seat to question all of his life choices and come to terms with the fact that his friend was going to be deruned because he couldn’t contain his temper long enough to finish making a reasonable argument.

So here they were, the case pretty much closed in the eyes of the Clave. He could see it written all over the Inquisitor’s stony, wrinkled face. She had judged Isabelle and found her lacking. Isabelle’s outburst on the stand, condemning all of Shadowhunter culture and siding herself with the Downworld had only cemented her fate.

Still, Magnus couldn’t help but to be proud. He was right about these Lightwood children, though he hadn’t known just how right until now. They were good. They were the kinds of Shadowhunters they’d waited eons for. Maybe there was hope of bridging the abyss between them and the Downworld yet, with this generation in charge.

Probably not if they all got deruned before they had the chance to change anything, though.

In a last ditch effort banking mostly on Isabelle’s “She’s perfectly fine” and Alec’s, the night he’d come over unexpectedly, “I think she’s on our side”, Magnus called Lydia to the stand.

She took her seat with trepidation. Her eyes darted to the Inquisitor, who gave her a stony look back until Lydia straightened her posture and steeled her face. Magnus gave her a moment to simmer while he stood from his chair and rounded the table in front of him.

“I just have one question,” Magnus began, with grandeur. “Why are you prosecuting this case?”

Silence reigned for a long, uncomfortable moment during which Lydia grew both confused and concerned, the Inquisitor grew impatient, and Magnus grew hopeful.

Lydia was frowning when she said, lacking any conviction, “Because the law is hard, but it is the law.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. The Clave’s defense for everything, apparently. He was just starting to turn around and brace himself for the sentencing when Lydia spoke up again, more certain. “But that doesn’t make it right. We’re trying someone for being compassionate, thinking for herself. She saved a life that was being sacrificed for nothing.”

Surprised, Magnus raised one very pleased eyebrow. He could feel himself starting to smile, before the Inquisitor tried to interrupt. Lydia brushed her off and continued, “Looking out at the faces here… A brother and sister who disagree on everything except for how much they love one another and how loyal they are to each other. A man who took this case because he believes injustice towards his friends is intolerable, in spite of how horribly we treat him and people like him.”

Magnus blinked. He turned around to catch Isabelle’s eye, who looked like she was on the verge of tears. Behind her, he caught Alec’s, who for once made no attempt to mask how he was feeling. Magnus could see the concern, and the anger, the surprise and the hope that this was going somewhere that wouldn’t lead to him losing his sister.

If there was anything Magnus knew for certain about Alec, it was that there was absolutely nothing in the world that was more important to him than his siblings. He wouldn’t be the same without any of them, if he would even be anything at all.

Mostly, Magnus was here because Isabelle was his friends. But he was also here because he cared about Alec, and he couldn’t imagine letting him lose such a big part of himself if there was anything he could do to stop it. 

“Loyalty, decency, compassion, love,” she continued. “These are the concepts that we should consider to decide guilt or innocence in a case like this.”

The Inquisitor slammed an angry hand against her armrest. “Those are not the concepts of the law. Now enough of this nonsense.”

Lydia looked equally angry, gritting her teeth. “I agree. The case is nonsense. I withdraw the charges.”

The room erupted into applause, proving just how well-liked Isabelle was at the Institute, the social butterfly that she was. Magnus let himself breathe for the first time since the trial had started. He drew her into his arms, squeezing tightly. Isabelle pulled away to grin at him, looking absolutely radiant. She’d changed her outfit to something much more respectable but much less her, but she still pulled it off like she’d been born to wear it. Around her neck, his necklace was on full display.

The relief was all-encompassing. He’d been so certain it was over, that they’d lost.

He took a moment to look behind him and smile at Lydia to show his gratitude, but a touch on his arm made him turn back around. Immediately, arms wrapped loosely around him. He had only a moment to revel in the fact that Alec was hugging him before he pulled away with a pat on Magnus’s back and focused on his sister instead.

Only an instant, barely a real hug at all, and Magnus had felt safe, had felt comfortable, had felt wanted. If this was what having a soulmate was like, anything more might actually kill him. What would it feel like to kiss him?

Focus, Magnus hastily shook himself out of it. They were in a courtroom, surrounded by Clave envoys, celebrating Isabelle. Or, they had been.

The Inquisitor, who had made it her life’s mission to destroy every good feeling anyone had, banged her gavel until the room was silent. She waited until everyone’s attention was locked on her. “If you think refusing to prosecute exculpates the defendant, you are wrong,” she spat. “She is guilty.”

Dread filled Magnus.

The Inquisitor stood, towering over the room from her raised stand. She looked right at Magnus when she said, “The defense was correct. The Clave wants the mortal cup. If it is returned within twenty-four hours, this ruling will be vacated. If not, Isabelle Lightwood will be stripped of her runes and exiled from the society of the Shadowhunters forever.”

She banged her gavel to signify the trial was over, and left them all to their misery. Anger took over the dread in Magnus as he stared at the door she’d gone out of, the familiar rage he felt whenever he dealt in Nephilim politics. It was strange to be on this side of it, to be inside of it, defending a Shadowhunter, but it was just as awful as every discriminatory ruling or hateful rhetoric they’d spewed at him and his kind.

Alec and Isabelle were whispering together, too low and too overtaken by the other voices in the room for Magnus to hear. He looked between them, fixing the buttons of his suit jacket, before he interrupted. “So, where is the cup?”

Alec and Isabelle shared a panicked look, until Alec looked away. He scrubbed a hand down his face. His knuckles were split and bruised. He shook his head, and then he was gone, disappearing into the crowd of people in the room.

Isabelle looked after him with a pained expression. She did nothing to hide it when she turned back to Magnus and explained, glumly, “Jace and Clary took it through a seelie portal to another dimension.”

“Oh,” said Magnus intelligently. What he actually wanted to say was Fuck.

“They’ll be back,” Izzy reassured him. It was too convincing. It was clear it was meant for the both of them. “They will.”

Magnus rested a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure they will,” he agreed. 

Isabelle wrung her hands. Her smile was weak and disingenuous. “Stay with me until then?”

Magnus smiled back. “Of course.”

Chapter 20

Alec stared at the floating redheaded woman, suspended in green magic in the middle of one of the private rooms in the infirmary. Clary, who hadn’t left her mother’s side since they’d arrived at the Institute, looked a lot like her. The parts that didn’t probably looked like Valentine, but that was a disturbing thought, so Alec tried to stop thinking it.

“How’s Izzy?” Jace said from beside him, watching his soulmate like a hawk. He hadn’t said much since they’d gotten back and Alec could feel through the parabatai bond that he was upset, but he was giving him space to talk when he was ready.

Alec sighed, unfolding his arms. “She’s good. Relieved. Dodged a bullet.”

It was a low blow, especially when he knew Jace was dealing with something already. Alec had never been in a worse mood in his life, though, and was having trouble controlling how that manifested. He’d left the trial immediately after everything went downhill with nothing he could do to stop it, pounded his fists into some punching bags. When he’d gone to deliver the news to Izzy (and Magnus, who was unexpectedly still here), he hadn’t stayed.

His skin itched. His knuckles had only just stopped bleeding and the pain pulsed through his hands. He was so restless he had to keep reminding himself to stay still.

He wasn’t angry with Jace. He was so happy and so relieved for Izzy. He was grateful for Magnus. He just couldn’t trust himself to be around any of them without saying something he’d regret, so caught up in all of this anger.

He was just about to leave Jace to keep staring at his soulmate, halfway out the door when Jace stopped him.

“Valentine raised me.”

Alec turned. He contained his surprise, every other thought or emotion vanishing while he reaffirmed that he’d heard him correctly. Jace wouldn’t look at him. He stood with his arms crossed, staring at nothing. Pain was written all over his face. It was so unlike Jace, who was so good at pretending that nothing ever got to him.

“He pretended to be Michael Wayland,” Jace continued. “After he murdered him. He took me in and pretended to be my father, all those years.”

Alec locked eyes with Clary, who had only looked up from her mother for a moment. She gave Alec a sad look, commiserating in Jace’s pain, and Alec hated her a little less for how much she cared about his brother.

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, when it was clear Jace had nothing else to add. He wasn’t sure what he should be sorry about. Jace was still Jace, the same Jace he’d been the day before. It didn’t matter if the asshole he’d spent his first ten years with was Michael Wayland or Valentine Morgenstern. Not to Alec, at least.

“I don’t even know…” Jace trailed off, lost. “I don’t even know who my parents are. If I am a Wayland, or if he took me from someone else. If he killed them, or if they’re alive somewhere, missing their son, with no idea that I’m here.”

Alec stepped closer to him. “It doesn’t change who you are, though. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Jace said, but he didn’t sound convinced.

Alec watched him for a second. Their bond was no less chaotic than it had been a moment ago, Jace’s side still in turmoil. “If it’s important to you, we can try to find out. Your parents. There have to be records or magic or something that can give you some answers.”

Jace glanced at him, nodding absently. “Yeah, right.” Then, with a quick glance at Clary, “And you?”

Alec frowned. “Me, what?”

“What’s going on with you?” Jace urged. He was meeting his eyes now, his eyebrow raised. He sounded both unimpressed and like he’d lost all the patience he’d ever had when he added, “Don’t think I can’t feel that you’re all fucked up, too. This bond isn’t just one way.”

Oh.

Alec swallowed. He didn’t even know where to start. He didn’t know which parts were most important, most distressing. It felt a bit like everything had piled on top of each other, one after another, until he was left with a stack of explosives that had detonated his life.

Jace was harder to talk to than Izzy, too. He wasn’t as intuitive and he was just as bad with feelings as Alec was. Jace was comforting because Alec didn’t talk to him, because Jace never expected him to and was always there when Alec needed him, willing to distract and just be in his presence without Alec feeling like he had to say or do things he wasn’t up to.  

Their deep, emotional talks were much, much rare than with Izzy. It gave them more weight. Weight that felt crushing now that Alec stood in front of him, no ground under his feet and feeling more lost than he’d ever been.

Alec waved his hand. “My soulmark thing,” he said. “You know.”

Jace looked at him for a very long moment. “Magnus?”

Alec inhaled shakily, then masked it with a shrug. “Maybe. Among other things. I got in a fight with mom and dad.”

Jace hummed. Jace was no stranger to getting into fights, but he was a stranger to getting into fights with Maryse and Robert. They adored him too much, ever the golden child who could do nothing wrong. Not even bonding with Valentine’s daughter, apparently.

Alec killed the bitterness as soon as it rose up. Whatever happened with his mark, whatever his parents felt about his soulmate, it was his and his alone. It had nothing to do with Jace, Izzy, and Max, and their soulmates.

As though summoned through sheer force of never wanting to speak to him again, Robert Lightwood appeared in the doorway. “Alec,” he called, hovering. “Can we talk?”

Jace offered a sympathetic look and waved him off to meet his demise. Alec grimaced back at him.

In the hallway, Robert spent a good minute staring at the wall behind his son instead of his son before he finally said, “Did you put any more thought into the marriage?”

Alec stared at him. He couldn’t process what he was hearing. He blinked twice, just to make sure that was really what his father had chosen to open with, and then took a very long time sorting through all of his feelings and all of the terrible things he could say.

“No,” he settled on finally. He had to bite it out through a clenched jaw. “No, sorry. I was too focused on making sure my sister wasn’t going to be banished for the rest of her life.”

Robert sighed, like he was tired of Alec’s antics. Like Alec had antics to be tired of, like he hadn’t spent two decades being the perfect, placating son. “What reason do you have not to? It doesn’t have to be Lydia. There are a few other girls who would do just fine, too. You can meet them all and decide which is the best fit for you.”

“Right, I’ll just have my pick of the litter,” Alec said, enraged. If anyone spoke about Isabelle or anyone he knew like that, like they were stock at an auction just waiting to be bid on, Alec would’ve destroyed them. Passive aggressively, by assigning them the shittiest stations for the rest of eternity and making sure all of their shifts coincided with anything fun that might be going on, so they would never enjoy another day in their life. If he were still the head of the Institute, that was.

Robert had the decency to finally look uncomfortable. “Stop being difficult, Alexander.”

“Okay,” Alec replied. “Then, if you need an answer right now, the answer is a very enthusiastic no.”

His father huffed, pursing his lips at him. He looked his son up and down, appraising him and not liking what he saw. Then, a terrible frown furrowed his brow as he peered at Alec’s face. “You’re seeing someone. That’s why.”

It wasn’t a question, so Alec didn’t treat it like one. Seeing someone was so far down the list of things Alec was doing or cared about doing right now, but Robert would always believe whatever he wanted to, and Alec wasn’t about to try to explain that the real reason he didn’t want to get married was because he was gay, and he had a soulmate, and he was starting to think the family name should just burn itself to the ground, and he couldn’t look at his parents without wanting to burn himself down with it.

“Don’t we have more important things to focus on? Like, I don’t know, Valentine.”

Sighing, Robert reluctantly let it go. Not without one final comment, though. “Whoever it is, they must not be appropriate or you would’ve told us already. This family can’t take anymore disgrace, Alec.”

Alec stared after him, his footsteps echoing down the hall.

In the doorway to the infirmary, Jace leaned out and said, emphatically, “He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. Hypocrite.”

“Yeah,” Alec muttered, but he was suddenly feeling less upset than he had been. “You’re right.”

[easyhairstylesbest]

Dylan Farrow Would Like to Reintroduce Herself

Coat, Max Mara.

PHOTOGRAPHED BY VALERIE CHIANG

Scouring the fantasy section of her favorite bookstore near the Connecticut farm where she grew up, Dylan Farrow would pick out anything that “promised me dragons,” she says. She loved the fire and destruction of mythical beasts; conspiracy theories involving families plotting against their own kin; and the way women, children, and other small creatures wielded magical powers that made them stronger in those make-believe worlds than they were in our own. “I think it started out as an escape route,” she says. “For any fans of fantasy, whether they’re in my position or not, it’s fun escapism, a way to step outside of yourself and your problems, and, I don’t know, think about dragons for a while.” She pauses to clarify: “I’m not trying to escape who I am—I’m fine with who I am. I mean, it’s taken me a while to get here, but I can say with [some] degree of certainty that I’m okay.”

Still, the first time we talked, late last year, it hadn’t quite sunk in for her that she had her own debut young adult fantasy fiction novel, Hush, on bookshelves like the ones she’d perused as a teenager. In a lot of ways, the release of Hush has served as a debut for the 35-year-old author as well, in her new life as a full-time writer and working mother, defined by no one but herself. After all, for most of her life, Dylan has been known mostly in relation to the salacious scandals that have swirled around her famous family. She became a public figure not by choice, but rather because she was Mia Farrow’s daughter, or Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist Ronan Farrow’s sister. “I don’t feel like I have a father,” she says, but at one point her father was Woody Allen, Mia’s boyfriend of about a decade, who’d adopted Dylan as a child. Later, of course, Allen would go on to have an affair with, and then marry, her sister, Soon-Yi Previn. “There’s no support group for people whose sisters marry their fathers,” she says. “Or is he my brother-in-law? And is she my stepmom? I’ve got to joke about it!”

Dylan playing dress-up with Mia in the early 1990s.

Courtesy of Dylan Farrow

Then there’s the other scandal that she’ll likely never fully escape, now the subject of an HBO investigative documentary series, Allen v. Farrow. In 1992, when Dylan was seven—the same year the Soon-Yi affair blew up—she told her mother that Allen had taken her into an attic crawl space and sexually molested her, as Mia would testify in the ensuing custody battle. It was part of a pattern that Dylan later said went on for as long as she could remember, of Allen getting into bed with her wearing only his underwear, or putting his head in her naked lap. The custody fight was vicious and tore their family apart, estranged Allen from most of his children permanently, and became such a public tabloid spectacle that Dylan remembers having to be sneaked out of the back of her New York City apartment building with a blanket over her head so she could get to school without being snapped by the paparazzi. She still has PTSD from the ordeal.

A report by the Yale-New Haven Hospital Child Sexual Abuse Clinic, whose methods the judge in the custody case questioned as unreliable, concluded that Dylan was not sexually abused and that Dylan was either disturbed and made it up or had been manipulated by her mother. The judge gave Mia full custody, finding that the testimony proved “that Mr. Allen’s behavior toward Dylan was grossly inappropriate and that measures must be taken to protect her.” Allen appealed, but the appellate court agreed with the trial judge’s custody ruling. Although it gave more weight to the Yale-New Haven report, the appeals court found that the overall evidence, while “inconclusive,” “suggest[ed] that the abuse did occur.” New York State child welfare investigators later announced that they’d found no credible evidence of abuse. Several months after the custody decision was announced, a Connecticut state’s attorney announced that he had probable cause to criminally charge Allen but was declining to file charges to spare Dylan the trauma of a court appearance. Criminal charges have never been filed against Allen in the matter, and he continues to maintain his innocence. (Allen declined a request to comment for this article, but he has vociferously and repeatedly denied having molested her, and has pointed to investigations that cleared him of wrongdoing.)

“Believe it or not, the stuff that I wrote about in that essay does not encompass the entirety of my existence.”

If you know Dylan’s name now, though, it’s probably because in 2014, well before the #MeToo movement, she wrote a New York Times essay about that abuse, calling out Hollywood actors and asking whether they’d be so quick to celebrate Allen’s work had their own daughter been “led into an attic” by him. It wasn’t until her brother Ronan helped expose the misdeeds of Harvey Weinstein that Dylan’s accusations were given much credence. Dylan had emerged from obscurity to become a staunch advocate for survivors of sexual assault. But now she’s ready to emerge from that as simply a writer. “Believe it or not, the stuff that I wrote about in that essay does not encompass the entirety of my existence,” she says. “It’s a small part of 35 years of living.”

In fact, Dylan isn’t even Dylan Farrow’s name anymore. When she was eight, she changed it to a name she prefers to keep private, in order to psychologically distance herself from the events of those tumultuous years. But she’s been using Dylan as a sort of pen name, starting with the 2014 essay, to avoid confusion given that Dylan is the name in all the court documents. Among close friends and family, though, she says, “No one’s called me Dylan since I was 10.”

“I’m not trying to escape who I am. I’m fine with who I am”, says Dylan. “I mean, it’s taken me a while to get here, but I can say with some degree of certainty that I’m okay.”

VALERIE CHIANG

Reading Hush, it’s impossible not to see Dylan’s story in its themes. The book centers on Shae, a girl who is dealing with a lot and doesn’t really have time for boys. She’s “short but strong,” Dylan says, and she’s also doggedly determined to ferret out the truth—even as adults tell her it’s all in her head. The world she’s living in is falling apart, stricken by drought and a pandemic that Dylan swears she dreamed up well before 2020. A despotic leadership class wields magic to spread fake news, earn tithes, and control the populace. The written word, the people are told, will kill them; the pandemic spreads through ink. And it is only in trying to solve the murder of someone she loves that Shae finds out that she, too, can wield magic. But can she learn how to use it fast enough, when the truth is slipping away and she’s being gaslighted by powerful forces, causing her to question what she knows? Dylan says that of course the themes are partially based on her life, but readers shouldn’t try to draw too many direct parallels. “As I keep having to assert,” she says, “I do know the difference between fiction and reality.”

Fantasy writers like “Ursula K. Le Guin, Madeleine L’Engle, and Susan Cooper were all a big deal in our house,” Ronan says, adding that his older sister also “had an abiding love of anime.”

COURTESY OF DYLAN FARROW

After being awarded custody in 1993, Mia moved her large family, filled with biological and adopted children, many of them with disabilities, from Manhattan to their country house in Connecticut. Mia was determined to give the kids “the real farm experience,” Dylan says. They had horses, chickens, goats, and a cow who got lonely and tried having sex with everything, including one of the Farrow siblings’ wheelchairs. “It was a busy, noisy life full of children and animals,” Mia says.

Dylan now maintains a happy pandemic pod with her own family on that same farm, 88 acres with hiking and horse trails and a lake. She’s calling via Zoom from a home office with nothing but greenery and sunlight outside her window. Dylan, her husband (she asked that his name not be published), her four-year-old daughter Evangeline (whose name is already all over Mia’s Instagram), their pug Luna, and their English bulldog Nova stay in one house. Her brother Fletcher, who works in tech, and his wife and two daughters live in another. Their mother has a third. When we talked, Ronan and his fiancé, Jon Lovett of Pod Save America, had recently joined them from the West Coast and were staying with Mia.

Dylan’s earliest exposure to fantasy, she says, was a bedtime ritual of her mom reading The Hobbit to the kids. “My mom, I sometimes forget, is actually a really talented actress,” she says. “So she would read the bejesus out of this book, and it was the most epic thing I had ever heard. My mom would narrate and do all the voices. To this day, her rendition of Gollum is like canon tome.” At around age 11, Dylan wrote stories to read aloud to her younger siblings. “She kept them so enthralled,” Mia says. Ronan, two years her junior, says they both read a lot growing up. “Great women writers of fantasy loomed large for both of us—Ursula K. Le Guin, Madeleine L’Engle, and Susan Cooper were all a big deal in our house,” he says. “Dylan had an abiding love of anime, which I only dabbled in.” (Dylan says she also had an abiding love of Lance Bass of *NSync.)

Dylan casts a spell on her brother Ronan, whom she calls “one of the most important people in my life.”

Courtesy of Dylan Farrow

“I loved to play make-believe with Ronan,”Dylan says. “We’d play dress-up, and I’d sometimes let him play Barbies with me, if I was feeling charitable.” They collected pewter Dungeons & Dragons figurines and created a civilization for them. “We developed some pretty elaborate lore,” Ronan says. In her teenage years, Dylan wrote and illustrated a Game of Thrones–style novel, clocking in at “530-something” pages, that she says “was not fit for human consumption.” Its audience of one was her little sister, Quincy. There were dragons. The main character was an elf. There was a war. Some of it took place in space. “Every concept and every crazy notion I needed to express got chucked into the pot, and it went in a million directions and it was garbage,” she says. “I mean, my sister loves it to this day. She still talks about it.” Back then, as an author, Dylan felt supremely confident. “If I thought it was bad, I wouldn’t have written 500 pages,” she says, laughing.

The court hearings of Dylan’s childhood were, in many ways, a prosecution of her so-called “overactive” imagination. She’d described being in the attic with the “dead heads”—“which was literally because I didn’t know the word for mannequin,” she says. “I knew that people thought that I was using my imagination to tell lies,” she continues, but somehow that never affected her desire to write. Nor did Allen being a famous writer influence her in any way, “although it’s probably the reason I never wrote about New York and jazz and May–December romances,” she says.

In her senior year at Bard College, where she was majoring in art and Asian studies, Dylan decided to sign up for an online dating site associated with The Onion. This was in 2007, well before Tinder, “when dinosaurs roamed the Earth,” she says. At first, she wasn’t having much luck. “I signed up and there was, like, an influx of fifty-somethings being like, ‘Age ain’t nothing but a number, right?’ ” she says. “I’m like, ‘You’re barking up the wrong tree.’ ” Then she came across this “adorable” recent graduate living in New York City who described himself as a geek. “So I did the thing I’ve never done before or since, and I sent him a message and flirted with the guy,” she says. “I said, ‘You didn’t mention you were a cute geek.’ Winky-face emoji. I’m turning bright red telling you this.”

They met up at Grand Central Terminal and got pie and coffee, and the conversation never stopped flowing. After graduation, she moved in with him in New York. “He tried to kick me out,”she says. “He told me, ‘You’re finally independent. You should have the experience of having your own place, paying your own rent.’ I’m like,‘That’s really responsible of you, but that sounds like a lot of work.’ ” Dylan got a job as a production assistant at CNN, working the phones and the copy machine at the Nancy Grace show, mainly so she could continue to crash with her boyfriend. She was eventually laid off. “Journalism, it turns out, wasn’t for me. Wrong member of my family,” she says. When her boyfriend got a job offer he couldn’t turn down in South Florida and asked her to join him, she agreed. “In the back of my head, I’m thinking, ‘Well, I’d better get an engagement ring out of this,’ ” she says. And she did. They’ve been together for 14 years, married for 10.

Dylan has been writing stories to entertain her younger siblings since age 11. “She kept them so enthralled,” Mia says.

VALERIE CHIANG

Dylan spent the following six years in Broward County, living a relatively normal life. She worked for a weight-loss center, and later found a job as a graphic designer. Back at home, she’d write fantasy stories well into the early hours. “That was where I was finding my happy place,” she says. “I sat down with my husband at one point and I said, ‘Look, I spend every morning sitting in my car giving myself this pep talk, like, Today is going to be over at some point. And I can’t live like this.’ ” She did some soul-searching and realized she wanted to become a full-time writer. “My husband was like, ‘Okay, this is important to you. We’ll make it work.’ He’s a champ.”

So she sat down and wrote a novel. Not Hush, but a “casserole” of ideas. “It was about necromancers, set in a Spanish Inquisition–like setting,” she says. “It was maybe a little anti-religion; they were heretics.” Her protagonist was too old for YA, but the story didn’t exactly work for a broader fantasy audience either. “I wound up learning a lot about, you know, what sort of book gets picked up by publishers,” she says, laughing.

Around 2014, Dylan and her husband decided to move back northeast to Connecticut. Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine had come out to critical praise the previous year, garnering two Golden Globe and three Academy Award nominations, including Best Original Screenplay for Allen. The sexual assault allegation, the custody battle, and leaving Manhattan had all happened in 1992 and 1993. Dylan had started fourth grade in Connecticut, thinking she’d never have to worry about any of it again, except for the rare occasions when her mom went to court. “I sort of treated it as out of sight, out of mind, and I did that for about 20 years,” she says. “But then he was up for an Academy Award, and no one cared.

We were in the process of relocating, and I snapped and went crazy and the essay happened.” When she told someone close to her that she was thinking about speaking out, he said, “Well, why? Nobody cares.” When she told her therapist that “maybe this is something, someday, you know, nebulously, abstractly I’m considering,” he told her that it was a terrible idea and she’d undo all the progress she’d made.“Obviously, I didn’t listen to those people,” she says. “The thing is, in a lot of ways, they were wrong. But in a lot of [other] ways, they were right. In 2014, nobody really did give a crap. And I did undo all the progress I’d made.”

The essay caused a stir, but Allen kept his Academy Award nomination, and the star of Blue Jasmine, Cate Blanchett, won the Oscar for Best Actress. Meanwhile, Dylan had opened Pandora’s box. “I had to develop an entirely new skill set with different coping mechanisms based around having spoken out and the aftermath of that,” she says. “The difference was, I was doing this on my own terms.” She still struggles at times, “but on the whole, it does feel healthier to cope with it on that level rather than just ignore it. I think it’s also more helpful to the people in my life: my husband, my family, my friends. They know what’s going on now. I’m not just freaking out because I saw some random movie poster. There’s a method to the madness.”

Mia, Ronan, and Dylan in Connecticut, in 2016.

Courtesy of Dylan Farrow

Mia can see a huge difference. “She’s evolved from being a shy child to being much more assertive. And a lot of it has to do with coming out with her personal story and feeling less like a victim,” she says. “I do know that as a mother, my job, among other jobs, is and always has been to support her in whatever she needs. I’ve stood by her all these years, and I will continue to do so.”

Dylan has only seen three of Allen’s movies: 1973’s Sleeper (“As a kid, I think it was framed as, ‘Do you want to see Daddy eat a rubber glove?’ and I was like, ‘Oh yeah!’ ”) and two others, Alice and The Purple Rose of Cairo, neither of which Allen appears in onscreen. According to IMDb, Dylan appears in Alice, Crimes and Misdemeanors, and New York Stories, “which is really trippy,” she says, “because I don’t remember being in them.” For her Alice appearance, she visited her mom on set, ran up to hug her and say “hi,” and then ran off. She remembers the moment, but not being filmed. She also remembers being at the circus with two kids who kept putting their Cracker Jack in her popcorn. Years later, when she saw the movie, she realized she was watching herself. “It was weird, like seeing my memory, but with different people,” she says.

Triggers are all around her, and whether they’ll set her off depends on how she is doing emotionally that day. She’ll freeze up if she’s scrolling through a news feed and sees a face with thick glasses, or if she overhears jazz music. In the past, such things could leave her curled up in a fetal position. During a 2018 TV interview with Gayle King, Dylan burst out crying after being shown a recording of Allen denying the allegation. It hasn’t gotten better overnight—“It’s a process,” she says—but Dylan has been steadily improving since speaking out. “I try to take the mindset that I have a 100 percent success rate of getting through every single one of the panic attacks I’ve ever had; none of them have killed me.” In some ways, she says, it’s been a blessing to be Evangeline’s mother in this fraught time, to have to care for a small child and to know she has to hold it together for her. “My top priority is obviously making sure that my daughter is always safe, healthy, and loved,” she says. Asked what she says when others assert that Allen was just acting as a doting father, Dylan replies: “Let him watch your kid.”

It still baffles her when Allen’s fans come after her on Twitter, saying she’s lying. “This is something that I’m literally telling you happened to me. Who are you to say, ‘No, it didn’t’? I was there, you weren’t. Go away.” Still, it’s amazing to her that some people peddle the idea that her mother brainwashed her to believe she was molested and also to have PTSD from it—something she says Mia would have needed “military-grade torture equipment” to pull off. “It’s crazy that for some people, the idea that I was brainwashed is somehow easier to swallow than child sexual abuse,” she says.

“I guess I’m just way more vindictive than anybody gave me credit for,” Dylan says. “And I say that because it’s not entirely a bad thing. Vindictive women can get stuff done.”

VALERIE CHIANG

Dylan didn’t tell her mother and Ronan that she was going to write the essay until she already knew she was going to publish it. “I kind of wanted to wait until there were no take-backsies before I really discussed it with them, because I wasn’t sure how they were going to react,” she says. It was the first time she’d told Ronan what had happened in detail. “And he started crying, which I didn’t really expect,” she says. “He’s not super sentimental.” Even for Ronan, #MeToo warrior that he is now, there was a period of adjustment, of separating the family desire to put the past behind them with his sister’s need to expose her wounds in order to heal them. They talked often and at length, and in 2016, when Allen’s film Café Society was opening the Cannes Film Festival, Ronan wrote his own essay supporting his sister’s claims for The Hollywood Reporter. It was loud and splashy, and dominated all the press for Allen’s film. And in its own way, it led to Ronan chasing down the stories of Harvey Weinstein’s sexual assaults. “Dylan was absolutely a voice of conscience on this issue,” Ronan said by email. “I learned a lot, watching her come forward with her story, and maintain it consistently, year after year—even when I and others around her weren’t sure it was worth the blowback.”

“Without Ronan’s support, I probably would’ve felt completely adrift,” Dylan says. “He’s one of the most important people in my life.” What she didn’t realize was just how important those conversations would be to her brother and others, through his work.

“I thought he was just, like, calling me. It wasn’t until I read his book that I realized I was actually having this huge impact on him.” It bothered her, though, that her essay from 2014 “was kind of brushed off and ignored or sidelined or outright stomped into the dust,” but when her brother said the exact same thing two years later, suddenly people’s ears perked up. “I got salty at Ronan, because I was like, ‘Do people really need a white man to say the exact same thing to get people to listen?’ ”

So in 2017, in the wake of #MeToo, she wrote a second incendiary essay, this time for the Los Angeles Times, which questioned how all these men could be taken to task, but Woody Allen was still making movies. “[At age seven,] I wasn’t, obviously, given a platform, and I was not in an emotional state to take advantage of a platform. I was literally a child,” she says. “And it’s easy when you are a white man with a considerable amount of clout, power, and wealth to silence a voice like that, pin the blame on my mom, and spin the story for 20-plus years.” The good thing, though, is that Dylan has begun to recognize her own power. “I guess I’m just way more vindictive than anybody gave me credit for,” she says. “And I say that because it’s not entirely a bad thing. Vindictive women can get stuff done.”

“I never thought I would be writing about a dystopia in a climate where that would feel relatable.”

In the end, Hush hasn’t been an escape route for Dylan, but rather a way forward out of the darkness that has clouded her existence for so long. After her first novel about the necromancers failed to find a publisher, she decided to start over, “drawing on the themes and ideas that I was seeing percolating in the world around me,” she says. In 2018, as now, fake news and propaganda were hot topics, as was a general distrust of the system. “I never thought I would be writing about a dystopia in a climate where that would feel relatable,” she says. When Mia read it, she saw her daughter in Shae. “I see Dylan’s courage against monstrous thoughts and monstrous people and powerful foes,” she says. “Being disbelieved is part of the assault.” While she says she can’t speak for her daughter, Mia thinks that in writing the book, Dylan was able to reckon with her past in a way that was “bearable,” by creating a story “which is and isn’t about her.”

Hush

Dylan Farrow bookshop.org

$17.47

As of mid-January, Dylan was nearly finished writing the sequel to Hush, with only half of the final chapter and the epilogue to go. She’s found that it’s progressing faster and is more enjoyable this time around, because she no longer has the terror of being a debut novelist who, before this, “was a known quantity for something very specific—and something with a lot of morbid curiosity around it.”

She knows that curiosity will always be there. “I can’t completely disentangle myself from it,” she says. And the publicity for this book has meant a lot of “talking about the thing that I like least in the world. It’s always going to be the elephant in the room.” But no amount of fear can take away the pleasure of holding her book in her hands, and knowing that someone else might happen across it at a bookstore and take it off the shelf. Her simple hope is that “somebody will read it and connect to it and enjoy it and maybe not take it so seriously.”

Jada Yuan Jada Yuan circumnavigated the globe in 2018 as the inaugural 52 Places Traveler for the New York Times. Before that, she spent over a decade at New York Magazine and its websites as a contributing editor and culture features writer, where she profiled Stevie Nicks, Ava Duvernay, and Bill Murray, among others.

Dylan Farrow Would Like to Reintroduce Herself

[suckitsurveys]

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? I closed the door to get into the office because it’s supposed to be closed. Stripes or polka dots? Either are cute. Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? Depending on the person, but usually yes I do care don’t touch me that’s weird. What is your gender? I’m a woman.  Do you think that people think its obvious? Assuming people’s genders is gross.

How long did your first date last? *shrugs* Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? It’s on me, even. Highlight of your day? Having the window open with the smell and sounds of the storm that just happened. Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? A plane. Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? Uh, yes? Can you cook? I could be better. How high is your ceiling? I have no idea. Maybe 7ft? We are in the basement so they aren’t too tall. Whats the worst job you can think of? I don’t know. Do you swear a lot? Fuck yeah. Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? In his last name, yes. Is everything working in your house? Uh. Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? A pool. Does pop give you energy? No, it makes me burp and feel gross. TV show you love with a passion? BOB’S BURGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Life goes on, as cliche as that sounds.

Perfect age to get married? Whenever you’re ready.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? I probably own just about 20. Name a career path that women are known for taking. Whatever the fuck they feel like. Favorite type of cookie? Sugar. A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? Humor. What would I find if I looked in your pocket? Nothing. Maybe lint? What was your first word? I have no idea, probably something basic like momma. A musical instrument you wouldn’t mind learning how to play? Guitar. Last time you went to 7-eleven? Oh man, it’s been a while. I should have gone yesterday, it was free slurpee day. A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? I wouldn’t call it “with a passion” but I don’t like Burger King. Does everyone in your family have a job? Sure. Going anywhere this weekend? Not like on a trip, no. Is your room ever clean? It usually is. What does it mean when youre being quiet? I’m not talking. Last person you had a face to face conversation with? Miles. Wheres your phone? Next to me. Do you know the difference between your and you’re? Yes I do. How late did you stay up last night? Til about 1. Anyone you’re ready to kill? Sometimes I feel that way. Do you need to get a tan? Nah. My sunburn is turning into one. What do you want? Healthy and happiness. Favorite TV show as a kid? Pokemon, Garfield and Friends, Tiny Toons.

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? The Big Bang Theory. How many times have you been in love? Twice-ish. Go camping or go to a party? Camping. Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? When my sister would baby sit me, she used to let me have “swear time” when I was like 4 haha. How many years older than you would you date someone? I’m good where I’m at. Mark is 5 years older than me. What was the last thing you pinky swore on? I don’t remember. Would you consider yourself a nice person? Yes. Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? No. We need a full length one really bad. Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? I mean, it’s possible.

Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? No. True or false: Glee is annoying. True. Last thing you cooked? Oatmeal for my grandmother. Do you use slang often? Eh. Wear glasses? I do. .

About how old was the last person that hit on you? Maybe 30 something? What color are your headphones? White. Would you make a good teacher? Why? Fuck no. Don’t you hate those commercials that try too hard? Whatever. Is the fan on? The AC is. Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? I’m bored because there are like no emails coming in right now. What does the last text message you sent say? I sent Mark a recipe.

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? Of course. I don’t see why she wouldn’t be able to do it herself, but I would totally do it if she asked me. Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? Sometimes. What color are your underwear? They are white. How short are your nails? They are pretty short right now. I need to take this polish off and put strengthener on them so they can grow enough to get a no-chip before my wedding. Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? Sure. Favorite holiday? Halloween and Christmas. If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? Yes. Youre locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? I’d be more freaked out about being locked in a room tbh. Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? No. Do you eat a lot of food? I try not to.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? Nah. Have you ever had to give someone directions before? Yes. Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? I’m terrible with directions in terms of North South, East, and West, but I know street names and things of that nature. How many people do you text daily? 2 or 3. Mark, Kayla, and Ellen. Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? No. Is there anyone who you call by their last name? No. What did you do on your last birthday? My friend Sarah came down from Boston! Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? Gluttony. Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? No? What is your least favorite subject in school? English. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Nope. Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? Nah. When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? Today. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? Yup.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Yesterday. How many meals have you eaten today, so far? Two, with some snacks inbetween. I need to work on a snack/food schedule. Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” Whatever. Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? Not 100%, no. Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? I’ve been inside one before but I don’t think I ever bought anything. Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? Yeah, What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? The Emperor’s New Groove and Moana. When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? No. Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? Either is fine. Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? My grandmother because she was being super bitchy. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? No. Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? Nope. Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? No. When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? I don’t know. Who was the last person to compliment you? I don’t know. How old were you when you got to go on your first date? I didn’t have any restrictions. Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? They were fine. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? No. Do you still watch cartoons on television? Yes. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Just tacos and a baja blast! Is there anyone currently annoying you? Always. Have you ever felt like someone was following you? When I’m driving sometimes.

Do you like short or long surveys the best? In the middle. This one has been going on for forever. I’ve actually deleted some questions. Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? Why would I buy fake money? Why wouldn’t I just use the money I spent on the fake money?? Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? I have a love/hate relationship with my sister right now. Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? I get a little uneasy, especially if I am alone. How often do you shower? Every other day. Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? Yes. How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? 0. Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? My favorite kind of people. Do you ever watch any soap operas? Nah. Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? Yup. Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? They can get a little boring. Like this one oops. What color is your significant other’s hair? Dark brown. Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? No. Would you ever become a foster parent? To animals. Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? Yes. When you get married, will you convert your last name? Yes. Are your parents divorced, married or separated? My father is widowed. Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? Yup. Every time I’ve been dumped was because of that hahaha. What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? Losing my mom. When was the last time you went shoe shopping? It’s been a while. When was the last time you cried? For what reason? Yesterday I read a story about a kitten who had FIP and had to be put down before he was even a year old. What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? The food court. Have you ever been raped before? Jesus. Why has this been a question in so many surveys I’ve taken lately? Anyway, by definition, yes. Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? No. Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? No. On days when I did bring my lunch it was just in a brown paper bag. What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? Brownies. Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? I was, but I have gotten so much better. Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? Nope. Who was the last person you texted? Mark. Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? Yes, of course. Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? Alone. Mark stayed at the apartment while I stayed at my dad’s. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? Bleu cheese. Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? No. Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? Hah. Is it your summer vacation right now? Well it’ summer. Do you like traveling? I do. What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? White with a purple accent wall.

Do you go to church regularly? Nope. Who’s your best friend? Lydia, Sarah, Randal, Mark. Are you determined? Yes.

Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? I’ve been in the same relationship for the past 6 years. Ever had your heart broken? Yes. Even broken someone else’s heart? Yes. Are you confident? Usually but I have my moments. When’s the last time you smiled? A little bit ago. Are you tan? Burnt.

Any big plans for today/tonight? Getting my oil changed after work, going to the gym, maybe to the grocery store, picking up Mark and getting tacos for dinner since it’s going to be kind of a late night. What’s the background on your computer? A galaxy. Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? Sure. Who’s the last person you kissed? Mark. Are you hoping they will also be the next person you kiss? He will be.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? I last closed my bedroom door. We have to keep the bedrooms and the bathroom doors closed to keep our pup out. Stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? I don’t mind like a tap on the shoulder or arm. What is your gender? Female. Do you think that people think its obvious? Yes.

How long did your first date last? The duration of a movie and dinner. Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? One of them is, yes. Highlight of your day? I had pizza for lunch. ha. Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? Plane. Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? Yeah? That’s an obvious thing. Can you cook? Nope. How high is your ceiling? I don’t know. Whats the worst job you can think of? Surgeon. I’m much to squeamish for that. I can’t handle the sight of blood or other bodily fluids. I can’t imagine cutting into a body or doing anything with organs. I just couldn’t do it, but I am so thankful that there are people who can! Do you swear a lot? No. Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? Yes. Her first name does, but also so does “mom.” ha. Is everything working in your house? Yeah. Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? Pool. Does pop give you energy? No. TV show you love with a passion? I have a lot of favorites. Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Not sure what I would consider the “worst night of my life.”

Perfect age to get married? I don’t think there is a “perfect” age.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? No. Name a career path that women are known for taking. Nursing. Favorite type of cookie? Sugar and shortbread. A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? Sense of humor. What would I find if I looked in your pocket? No pockets. I don’t use them anyway. What was your first word? No idea. A musical instrument you wouldnt mind learning how to play? I would just like to get back into piano and really take it seriously and put in the practice. Last time you went to 7-eleven? It’s been awhile. I actually live really close to one, too. I missed free Slurpee day today, too. A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? I don’t like KFC at all. I’m not big on Wendy’s, but I can eat it. Does everyone in your family have a job? No. As far as my immediate family goes, I’m the only one who doesn’t. Going anywhere this weekend? No. Is your room ever clean? It’s always clean. I sometimes have unfolded clothes on my bed, but that’s it. What does it mean when youre being quiet? It can be anything or nothing. I’m just a quiet person. Last person you had a face to face conversation with? My dad. Wheres your phone? To the right of me. Do you know the difference between your and youre? You’re*, yes. How late did you stay up last night? I dozed off around 330ish,  woke up again at like 5:45, fell asleep again around 6, and slept until almost 1. Anyone youre ready to kill? Um, NO. Do you need to get a tan? I could use a little tan, sure. What do you want? Good health. Favorite TV show as a kid? Barney when I was really little.

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? 2 Broke Girls and The Big Bang Theory. How many times have you been in love? Twice. Go camping or go to a party? Neither. Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? The most I would say as a teenager was like “hella.” Haha. Yeah, real rebel over here. I didn’t really start to cuss until after high school, and it was only around friends. Now I don’t really cuss at all. I just never was a big cusser. How many years older than you would you date someone? Not sure, honestly. Not too much older. What was the last thing you pinky swore on? With my doctor that I would do something I’m supposed to be doing. Would you consider yourself a nice person? I think so. Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? No. Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? Uh, no.

Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? No. True or false: Glee is annoying. I didn’t watch it. Last thing you cooked? I warmed up something in the microwave. That’s about the extent of “cooking” for me. lol. Do you use slang often? I don’t know if I’d say often. Maybe I don’t notice. Wear glasses? Yes.

About how old was the last person that hit on you? I don’t recall the last time I was hit on. What color are your headphones? Pink and white. Would you make a good teacher? Why? No. Dont you hate those commercials that try too hard? So all commercials? Is the fan on? Yes, of course. Any special reason why youre taking this survey? Nope. There’s aren’t any special reasons why I take a survey lol. I just do them. What does the last text message you sent say? “Pizza.”

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? Sure. Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? No. That would be annoying to have to sign in every time. It’s my laptop, so I don’t have any reason to log out of anything. What color are your underwear? Black. How short are your nails? Short. Basically not there. Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? I like them to be dominant. Favorite holiday? Christmas. If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? Yes. Youre locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? UM YEAH I HAVE A HUGE ISSUE WITH THAT. Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? No. Do you eat a lot of food? Not like I used to.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? No. Have you ever had to give someone directions before? Yeah, well more like attempted. I’m the worst person to give directions. Don’t ask me. Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? I don’t drive. How many people do you text daily? I don’t text daily, and if I do text it’s either with one of my parents or my brother. Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? No. Is there anyone who you call by their last name? No. What did you do on your last birthday? Dinner, cake, and presents with my family on my actual birthday and then we went out to eat at my favorite restaurant the next night with my older brother and his boyfriend. Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? Envy. Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? No. What is your least favorite subject in school? Math. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? No. Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? No. When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? Yesterday. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? No. When was the last time you held someone’s hand? I held my dog’s hand earlier. ha. How many meals have you eaten today, so far? One. I’m about to eat dinner, though. Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” No... Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? I check it for some things, mostly regarding celebrities. Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? I have. It was okay. Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? Yes. What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? Alice in Wonderland. When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? No. Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? Hardwood floors except for the bedrooms, in which I would want carpet. Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? My brother. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? It was a thing where I live for the 6th grade class to go to science camp, so I did that. I also went to a Girl Scout camp thing. Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? No. Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? No. When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? Never. Who was the last person to compliment you? *shrug* How old were you when you got to go on your first date? Twenty-two. Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? Over protective. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? No. Are you the jealous type? I can be. When was the last time you felt like you were high on life? Never. Do you know someone who cares about themselves more than their child? No. Do you still watch cartoons on television? I sometimes watch Rugrats, Doug, and Hey Arnold. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Bean burrito, no onions, extra sauce. Is there anyone currently annoying you? Nope. Do you have freckles? Yes. How many dogs do you have, if any at all? One. Have you ever witnessed someone being beaten up? No. Do you think biting is weird or sexy? It can be both, depending on the situation. Would you rather be called hot or beautiful? Beautiful. Have you ever had a pet turtle before? No. Do you still sleep with your parents when you’re scared sometimes? lol it’d be a little weird if I, a twenty-seven year old, did that. Have you ever met someone with two different color eyes? No. Have you ever felt like someone was following you? Yes. What color shirt are you wearing at the moment? Black. Do you enjoy going school shopping? That was the only thing I looked forward to when I was in school. haha. Do you think Pug dogs are adorable or just plain ugly? That reminds me of that creepy Mountain Dew commercial with the pug and it has like baby doll legs instead of its real legs and it goes around saying, “Puppy monkey baby.” It’s so weird! Have you ever met someone who completely resembled their pet? No. I’ve seen pictures of people who resemble a dog, though. What was the worst substance you’ve spilled on yourself before? Hot coffee and hot food. Have you ever made out with more than one person in one night? No. Do you think there is a soulmate out there for everyone? I’m not sure. I don’t think there is for me.

Do you like short or long surveys the best? Long. Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? No. Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? Yes. Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? I do, but I also love them? How often do you shower? Every other day. Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? Yeah. How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? One. Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? lol :X Do you ever watch any soap operas? No. They’re just so cheesy and over the top. Also, in my opinion, the acting isn’t good at all. Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? Yes. Do you usually have a low tolerance for pain or high tolerance? Low. Would you rather eat or sleep? Sleep. Are you one of those die hard Twilight or Harry Potter fans? I was at one point.

Do your parents ever force you to talk to your grandparents? No. They wouldn’t have to, I was close with my maternal grandparents when they were alive and I’m close with my paternal grandma, so. I like to talk to them on my own. Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? They can be either, it depends on my mood. <<< Same. Sometimes I just get annoyed. Have you ever learned that someone had lied to you all along? Yeppp. Have you ever wanted to be a lawyer? No. Have you ever had to bail someone out of jail before? No. Is there anyone in your immediate family who was adopted? No. Do you know anyone who doesn’t have any common sense? I’ve known people who seemed to lack in that department. When was the last time you bought something? Today. Do you think you look anything like your parents? A little. What are your plans for this weekend? Nothing. What color is your significant other’s hair? I’m single. Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? No. Would you ever become a foster parent? I don’t know if I’ll ever become a parent at all. Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? No. The only person I’m ashamed of is me. Would rather talk to someone on a landline or a cell phone? I don’t like talking on the phone regardless. Has anyone ever given you a psychiatric assessment? Yes. What is your favorite amusement park? Disneyland. Did you ever have braces? Yes, but not for my teeth. What is cuter: kisses on the forehead of the cheek? Forehead. Do you believe in evolution or creation? Creation. Would you rather take a bath or a shower? Why or why not? Shower. Does it bother you when people touch your personal items? Depends what it is. When was the last time you did something sexual? Never. Do you collect anything? What? Giraffe stuff. Are you better at hand-drawing things or painting? I’m horrible at drawing. I don’t have any creative or artistic talent. Have either of your parents ever called you a failure before? No. They would never. I call myself one, though. Have you ever suspected someone of cheating on you? No. When you get married, will you convert your last name? That’s a “if” not a “when”, but I like my last name so I think I’d hyphenate. Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Married. Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? No. What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? Losing my grandparents and my dog, Brandie. When was the last time you went shoe shopping? It’s been a long time. My last new pair of shoes was a Christmas present. Are you a part of any clubs at your school, if you still go to school? No longer in school. Do you know someone who wears a wig? No. What is your best friend’s last name? Mom. ha. When was the last time you cried? For what reason? A couple days ago. Just life and frustration. What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? I like to check out a few different ones. What time do you usually go to bed on the weekends? I go to bed around 4/430 everyday. Weekends and weekdays don’t make any difference to me. Have you ever considered suicide? Yes. Have you ever been raped before? No. Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? No. Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? Yes. What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? Donuts or cupcakes. Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? Yeah. Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? No. Who was the last person you texted? My mom. Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? Yeah. Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? Alone. I always do. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? Ranch. Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? No. Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? Yes. What is your Myspace URL? Oh Myspace. Are you someone who likes to wear dresses more than pants? No. Have you ever dated someone who was way overprotective of you? No. What was the last thing you touched besides your keyboard? My phone. When was the last time you witnessed a fist fight? *shrug* Do you know anyone who lives in the state of California? Me and most of my family.

Are you waiting for a text right now? Nope. Is it your summer vacation right now? I’m not in school, but it’s summertime, yes. Do you like traveling? I do. What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? White. Do you still make mix cds? No. Are you eating or drinking anything right now? Coke.

Do you go to church regularly? No. :/ Who’s your best friend? My mom. Are you determined? No. I used to be.

Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? Neither. Ever had your heart broken? Yes. Even broken someone else’s heart? Yes. :/ Are you confident? No. When’s the last time you smiled? Today. Are you tan? No.

Any big plans for today/tonight? No. What’s the background on your computer? Alexander Skarsgård with his arms around a Husky and a German Shepherd. It’s very cute. Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? Yes. Don’t you hate when your plans fall through? I used to, but now I kinda hope for it. Ever maxed out a credit card? No. How old are you? Twenty-seven. Who’s the last person you kissed? Joseph. Are you hoping they will also be the next person you kiss? No. Do you ever actually go on dates? Nope.

[flirting-with-psychology]

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? I think it was the bathroom door, and that’s pretty obvious why Stripes or polka dots? Polka dots Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? Depends on the person. If it’s my crush then definitely yes. But I don’t want to be touched by some annoying people What is your gender? Female Do you think that people think its obvious? Generally, although sometimes I get insecure that my face looks too masculine especially when I’m not wearing makeup

How long did your first date last? I can’t remember what my first date was Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? Yes Highlight of your day? The Crown and the Flame finale Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? Boat Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? Usually Can you cook? Nope How high is your ceiling? Normal height Whats the worst job you can think of? Sewage worker  Do you swear a lot? Hell yes Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? Yes Is everything working in your house? I’m not Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? Pool Does pop give you energy? Sometimes TV show you love with a passion? Pushing Daisies Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Not sure what I would consider the “worst night of my life”

Perfect age to get married? Of course it depend on the relationship but probably late 20s

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? Possibly Name a career path that women are known for taking. Fashion designer Favorite type of cookie? Cookie dough  A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? Sense of humor What would I find if I looked in your pocket? Nothing What was your first word? No idea A musical instrument you wouldnt mind learning how to play? Maybe drums Last time you went to 7-eleven? Can’t remember A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? There are none I particularly hate. There are some that I don’t really like because I don’t like the food Does everyone in your family have a job? No Going anywhere this weekend? Not that I know of Is your room ever clean? Yeah for like a day after I clean it What does it mean when youre being quiet? If I’m with people, it means I can’t think of anything to say, but if I’m just home chilling around parents or roommates it just means I’m taking a break Last person you had a face to face conversation with? My dad Wheres your phone? On the table Do you know the difference between your and youre? Yes How late did you stay up last night? Like 2:30  Anyone youre ready to kill? No Do you need to get a tan? I’m fine What do you want? A boyfriend Favorite TV show as a kid? Clifford and Arthur

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? Steven Universe. It may not be a bad show but the fans are just so annoying How many times have you been in love? Not sure Go camping or go to a party? Party Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? Probably like high school. I hated swearwords when I was a kid How many years older than you would you date someone? A few. But I wouldn’t want someone who’s in a dramatically different place in life What was the last thing you pinky swore on? Can’t remember Would you consider yourself a nice person? Sometimes Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? A normal amount Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? Not that I know of

Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? No True or false: Glee is annoying. False Last thing you cooked? Ravioli Do you use slang often? Sure Wear glasses? Yes

About how old was the last person that hit on you? Wouldn’t necessarily call it hitting on me, but the last person who talked to me who I think likes me is 22 I believe What color are your headphones? White Would you make a good teacher? Why? Not sure. I like kids but I don’t like speaking in front of large groups Dont you hate those commercials that try too hard? Not if they’re funny. I do hate seeing the same commercial all the time though Is the fan on? Yes Any special reason why youre taking this survey? No What does the last text message you sent say? Yeah there were two different troops of them I guess

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? Sure if I’m not busy Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? No What color are your underwear? Turquoise I think How short are your nails? They vary. The shortest just ripped at the base and the longest is just over half a cm Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? I like a balance Favorite holiday? Halloween If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? Yes Youre locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? UM YEAH I HAVE A HUGE ISSUE WITH THAT. <Same Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? No, it’s probably my prom dress Do you eat a lot of food? I don’t eat lots of foods but I eat a lot of the ones I do like

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? No Have you ever had to give someone directions before? Yeah Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? No, I’m terrible How many people do you text daily? Like one or two Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? Clarinet Is there anyone who you call by their last name? There were some guys I used to because everyone did What did you do on your last birthday? Football game Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? Lust. Is it still a sin if you don’t get to act on it? Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? No, but I know that I am when I’m drunk What is your least favorite subject in school? P.E. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? No Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? No When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? Yesterday Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? No, that scares me When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Not sure. Romantically, I think I briefly held my 6th grade crush’s hand when we went out in May How many meals have you eaten today, so far? Like one and a half  Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” No..? I do kind of think it’s stupid for people to get offended by it though Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? Reliable enough for the type of homework I need it for Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? No Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? Yeah, I feel awkward letting them buy me things I wouldn’t buy for myself What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? Aladdin or Hercules or Tangled When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? Yes Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? Carpet Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? My mom over train travel probably As a kid, did you ever go to camp? Yeah sometimes Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? No, I want to actually watch the movie Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? I play clarinet, but I haven’t done much learning in awhile When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? Never really Who was the last person to compliment you? One of my parents How old were you when you got to go on your first date? Like 13 Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? Over protective Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Don’t have siblings or a significant other Are you the jealous type? I can be When was the last time you felt like you were high on life? I used to think that when my friends and I would goof off in middle school Do you know someone who cares about themselves more than their child? According to my mom, my grandma can be like that sometimes Do you still watch cartoons on television? Not really What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? I’d probably order a quesadilla Is there anyone currently annoying you? Not at the moment Do you have freckles? No How many dogs do you have, if any at all? None  Have you ever witnessed someone being beaten up? No Do you think biting is weird or sexy? Can be sexy, if not too hard. I think sometimes I become a biter when I’m not thinking about it Would you rather be called hot or beautiful? Beautiful Have you ever had a pet turtle before? No, but we had some as class pets in 4th grade Do you still sleep with your parents when you’re scared sometimes? No that’s weird Have you ever met someone with two different color eyes? No Have you ever felt like someone was following you? Yes What color shirt are you wearing at the moment? Black with patterns Do you enjoy going school shopping? Yeah I miss that Do you think Pug dogs are adorable or just plain ugly? They’re okay Have you ever met someone who completely resembled their pet? No haha

What was the worst substance you’ve spilled on yourself before? Not really a spill but I got bird poop on me the other day Have you ever made out with more than one person in one night? Yes Do you think there is a soulmate out there for everyone? I’m not sure

Do you like short or long surveys the best? Long Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? No Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? N/A Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? No How often do you shower? Every day usually Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? Yeah, all sorts How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? None Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? Yup Do you ever watch any soap operas? No Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? Not really Do you usually have a low tolerance for pain or high tolerance? Not sure. Probably average Would you rather eat or sleep? Eat Are you one of those die hard Twilight or Harry Potter fans? Harry Potter

Do your parents ever force you to talk to your grandparents? Sometimes, I’m bad at keeping in touch Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? Depends if the questions are good Have you ever learned that someone had lied to you all along? Not sure if it was all along Have you ever wanted to be a lawyer? Maybe very briefly Have you ever had to bail someone out of jail before? No Is there anyone in your immediate family who was adopted? No Do you know anyone who doesn’t have any common sense? The president When was the last time you bought something? Monday Do you think you look anything like your parents? Yes What are your plans for this weekend? Nothing yet What color is your significant other’s hair? I’m single Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? No Would you ever become a foster parent? Probably not Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? Sometimes I get ashamed of my parents Would rather talk to someone on a landline or a cell phone? Cell phone Has anyone ever given you a psychiatric assessment? Yes What is your favorite amusement park? Water World Did you ever have braces? Yes, it sucked What is cuter: kisses on the forehead of the cheek? Forehead Do you believe in evolution or creation? Evolution Would you rather take a bath or a shower? Why or why not? Shower because the water stays hot and it’s easier to wash Does it bother you when people touch your personal items? Depends what it is. If it’s fragile then yeah, but if not then I don’t mind because then I get to show it off When was the last time you did something sexual? May Do you collect anything? What? Kinda collect shotglasses Are you better at hand-drawing things or painting? Hand drawing I guess  Have either of your parents ever called you a failure before? No Have you ever suspected someone of cheating on you? No because that would require a relationship When you get married, will you convert your last name? Depends on what his last name is  Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Divorced Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? Not to my knowledge What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? Orthodontics When was the last time you went shoe shopping? Maybe the winter?  Are you a part of any clubs at your school, if you still go to school? I was in marching band Do you know someone who wears a wig? My grandpa did When was the last time you cried? For what reason? Not sure if I really cried, but I got close because of a fight with my mom What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? Fancy dress shops What time do you usually go to bed on the weekends? Like 4 Have you ever considered suicide? Not seriously Have you ever been raped before? No Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? No Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? Yes What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? Chocolate Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? Yeah unfortunately Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? Probably. I know I stress-eat Who was the last person you texted? My mom. Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? No, but if someone else buys I eat it Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? Alone. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? None Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? No, I like them but not all the time Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? Probably What is your Myspace URL? Didn’t have one Are you someone who likes to wear dresses more than pants? Yes I love dresses! Have you ever dated someone who was way overprotective of you? No What was the last thing you touched besides your keyboard? My phone When was the last time you witnessed a fist fight? Don’t know if I have Do you know anyone who lives in the state of California? Yeah a lot of people

Are you waiting for a text right now? No Is it your summer vacation right now? yeah Do you like traveling? I do What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? Off-white Do you still make mix cds? No Are you eating or drinking anything right now? No

Do you go to church regularly? No Are you determined? Not enough

Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? Always looking, never in  Ever had your heart broken? Yes Even broken someone else’s heart? Maybe Are you confident? Eh When’s the last time you smiled? Today probably Are you tan? Kinda

Any big plans for today/tonight? No What’s the background on your computer? A reflection illusion Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? Yes Don’t you hate when your plans fall through? Yeah Ever maxed out a credit card? No How old are you? 22 Who’s the last person you kissed? My 6th grade crush in May Are you hoping they will also be the next person you kiss? No, because I don’t think I’ll see him again for awhile and I’d hate to wait that long Do you ever actually go on dates? Sometimes

[crazykendal]

This is too long

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? so no little kids would rampage in Stripes or polka dots? stripes Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? depends on who What is your gender? female Do you think that people think its obvious? i sure hope so haha

How long did your first date last? 0 seconds ;) Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? yes Highlight of your day? my old friend came over Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? dood no boats those scare the f outta me, but ive never been on a plane Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? yes. Can you cook?

yikes uh.. nope How high is your ceiling? i believe 35 feet im some parts of the house Whats the worst job you can think of? honestly idk Do you swear a lot?  what the fuck are you talking about Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? HA no Is everything working in your house? i dont think so Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? pool. Does pop give you energy? no..? TV show you love with a passion? the walking dead, and ive been watching the 100, but i love twd  a lot more Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? yeah, im a fucking prick/dick head

Perfect age to get married? who the fuck knows

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes?  i own 3 or maybe 5.. i think Name a career path that women are known for taking. doctors?? idk Favorite type of cookie? chocolate chip, i can never make them because i always come close to burning the house down A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? if anyone can understand me im good What would I find if I looked in your pocket? no pockets What was your first word? yo wassup my homies. (I say that too much, but I have no idea) A musical instrument you wouldnt mind learning how to play? DRUMSSS Last time you went to 7-eleven? months ago A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? I kinda hate most of them equally Does everyone in your family have a job? yeah Going anywhere this weekend? im going to a legally blonde musical Is your room ever clean? yeah but usually never What does it mean when youre being quiet? im mad Last person you had a face to face conversation with? my cat Wheres your phone? dude idk ive been grounded for 2 weeks ahahahah Do you know the difference between your and you’re? yes i aint no dumb bitch How late did you stay up last night? 10 pm Anyone youre ready to kill? oh hell yeah Do you need to get a tan? yes What do you want? money and love Favorite TV show as a kid? dood idk

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? Strangers Things How many times have you been in love? once Go camping or go to a party? camping Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? maybe when I was 12 How many years older than you would you date someone? I would like to date anyone in my grade, nothing over or less What was the last thing you pinky swore on? I dont swear to anything, ever, unless i care about the person usually more than my self Would you consider yourself a nice person? no. why is this even a question Are there a lot of mirrors in your house?  a lot more than I think there should be Has there ever been a serial killer in your house?  I sure hope not

Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? no True or false: Glee is annoying. true, ive never watched it but I know its annoying Last thing you cooked? grilled cheese Do you use slang often? maybe Wear glasses? yes hahahaha

About how old was the last person that hit on you? well.. no one has ever hit on me OH wait I cant say (this one girl maybe I don't her well oh god) What color are your headphones? black and red BLUETOOTH BITCHES Would you make a good teacher? Why? I would rather be some sort of leader than teacher Dont you hate those commercials that try too hard? lol some commercials are my life, like the life alert commercials. HELP IVE FALLEN AND I CANT GET UP but yeah some over them are just to much Is the fan on? I have like a ton of fans on right now Any special reason why youre taking this survey? i have nothing better to do What does the last text message you sent say?  i was telling my mom that my little sister was being a pain in the ass and that i wanted pizza hahaha

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? which friend? Friend #1, id ask her who she fucked and be really surprised. Friend #2 I wouldn't even have to ask. Friend #3 I would be shocked and possibly upset. But id get them for all of them hahahaha Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site?  i dont use my Facebook What color are your underwear? white How short are your nails? short Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? funny you ask that, id rather have the opposite sex dominant and id rather be dominant with same sex.. yep Favorite holiday? Christmas If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? yeah You're locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? spiders don't really bother me, depends on size tho Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? uhh Do you eat a lot of food? no THERE'S NO FOOD IN OUR HOUSE

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? well like a relationship relationship? maybe Have you ever had to give someone directions before? yes i forget everything but I know how to give directions like a mastermind Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? ive never driven before because im too little!! in two years i can tho hahah How many people do you text daily? usually none Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? nothing Is there anyone who you call by their last name? no What did you do on your last birthday? I dont remember I think I had a sleepover tho Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? what Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? no What is your least favorite subject in school?

math and science Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? depends Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? what the actual fuck When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? a few days ago Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? no

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? does my cat count How many meals have you eaten today, so far? none and it’s 1:05 pm Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” no because they might actually be hot hahaha Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? yeahhh? depends Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? wtf is that Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? yeah What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? dude I dont really like Disney movies so none When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? wtf no Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? i have both in my house Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? my little little sister As a kid, did you ever go to camp? no Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? no Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? no. When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? hmm a few months ago Who was the last person to compliment you? idk that was over a month ago How old were you when you got to go on your first date? never have and I bet I never will :( Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? over protective helpppp Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? what Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? chandler riggs or alycia debnam-carey? Are you the jealous type? yeah When was the last time you felt like you were high on life? when clarke and lexa had sex mwahahaha what Do you know someone who cares about themselves more than their child? yeah haha we have their kid now Do you still watch cartoons on television? no What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there?  i dont like taco bell Is there anyone currently annoying you? yes Do you have freckles? no :’( How many dogs do you have, if any at all? imaginary doggos Have you ever witnessed someone being beaten up? i couldn't say I witnessed someone being beat up I usually beat up things Do you think biting is weird or sexy? well it depends on who Would you rather be called hot or beautiful? hot but im neither hahaha Have you ever had a pet turtle before? yes Do you still sleep with your parents when you’re scared sometimes? no. Have you ever met someone with two different color eyes? nope. Have you ever felt like someone was following you? yeah

What color shirt are you wearing at the moment? white Do you enjoy going school shopping? sometimes Do you think Pug dogs are adorable or just plain ugly? I LOVE PUGS my grandpa has some and I love them so much Have you ever met someone who completely resembled their pet? haha ive never thought of that but maybe What was the worst substance you’ve spilled on yourself before? bleach Have you ever made out with more than one person in one night? no Do you think there is a soulmate out there for everyone? no defiantly not me

Do you like short or long surveys the best? long Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? no Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? depends on who Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? no i live for thunderstorms How often do you shower? every other day Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? maybe How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? sometimes one but usually never Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? yes shes a good friend of mine Do you ever watch any soap operas? i have no idea what that is Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? yes. (me) thats not trueee though <3 Do you usually have a low tolerance for pain or high tolerance? I dont care whenever I get injured Would you rather eat or sleep? i dont care Are you one of those die hard Twilight or Harry Potter fans? no just no

Do your parents ever force you to talk to your grandparents? I have one grandpa and a step grandma and I dont really know her that much but I never really see them Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? it depends on the questions. Have you ever learned that someone had lied to you all along? i feel like someone has been lying to me but I dont know if its true or not Have you ever wanted to be a lawyer? no. Have you ever had to bail someone out of jail before? no. Is there anyone in your immediate family who was adopted? yeah Do you know anyone who doesn’t have any common sense? yes my same weird friend, oh and me :) When was the last time you bought something? Monday Do you think you look anything like your parents? kinda What are your plans for this weekend? i answered this What color is your significant other’s hair? Chandler Riggs and Alycia Debnam-Carey both have brown hair. Woah ive never thought about this but every single person ive ever crushed on was a brunette Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? no. Would you ever become a foster parent? id rather be a foster parent than give birth but I fucking hate kids (maybe that's why I hate myself) Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? yeah my cat Bub he attacks my other cats Would rather talk to someone on a landline or a cell phone? cell Has anyone ever given you a psychiatric assessment? no What is your favorite amusement park?  i dont know Did you ever have braces? I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET THEM OFF THIS MONTH BUT NOOOOOO What is cuter: kisses on the forehead of the cheek? i like both? why am I answering to this Do you believe in evolution or creation? evolution, there was never a god who created anything

Would you rather take a bath or a shower? Why or why not? shower, I dont have time for baths Does it bother you when people touch your personal items? depends. When was the last time you did something sexual? ..depends on what.. Do you collect anything? What? snapbacks Are you better at hand-drawing things or painting? I cant paint to save my life Have either of your parents ever called you a failure before? oh my god all the time! They tell me that more than compliments Have you ever suspected someone of cheating on you? no. When you get married, will you convert your last name? depends on who :) Are your parents divorced, married or separated? married Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? no. What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? from december 5, 2002 all the way to today When was the last time you went shoe shopping? like 4 weeks ago Are you a part of any clubs at your school, if you still go to school? like in 7th grade CREATIVE WRITING CLUB oh man Do you know someone who wears a wig? no What is your best friend’s last name? nakamura. its my cat haru When was the last time you cried? For what reason? awhile ago because im a fucking baby, just because im going to a different school than a friend of mine who im going to tag mwahaha sucks to be you IM LOOKING BACK AT THIS ITS NOT TRUE IT WAS THE LEXA DEATH SCENE

What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? forever 21 What time do you usually go to bed on the weekends? like 10 or 11 Have you ever considered suicide? not much? Have you ever been raped before? no. Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? no if i ever see those words again im going to fuck someone up. (my dad wants me to be one but im deathly afraid or the ocean) Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? yes. What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? idk Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? no Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? no. Who was the last person you texted? my mom Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? yeah Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? alone. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? none Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? no what are talking about im not wearing a hat at all Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? what What is your Myspace URL? never had one Are you someone who likes to wear dresses more than pants? hahaha if i ever have to wear another dress again im going to kill myself Have you ever dated someone who was way overprotective of you? never fucking dated alright What was the last thing you touched besides your keyboard? my HAT When was the last time you witnessed a fist fight? never..? Do you know anyone who lives in the state of California? bitch I do

Are you waiting for a text right now? no Is it your summer vacation right now? yepp fucking kill me Do you like traveling? love it, more time I can listen to to musicccc What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? dood i think grey, im looking now and its hard to tell Do you still make mix cds? no. Are you eating or drinking anything right now? no

Do you go to church regularly? no i dont believe in that stuff Who’s your best friend? haru Are you determined? yeahhh...

Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? id love to be in a relationship but i hate so many people and a ton of people hate me and I bet i never will Ever had your heart broken? yeah Even broken someone else’s heart? oh god yes Are you confident? not really When’s the last time you smiled? today. Are you tan? no

Any big plans for today/tonight? I want pizza What’s the background on your computer? oh I recently changed it to lexa and clarke from the 100 Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? yeah Don’t you hate when your plans fall through? sometimes Ever maxed out a credit card? no How old are you? older than time itself Who’s the last person you kissed? my cat Are you hoping they will also be the next person you kiss? no Do you ever actually go on dates? no

Im going to tag @rottentulips because I finally found a really long question tag for her to do so you're welcome ;)

[surveysonfleek]

100.

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? just closed my bedroom door just coz. Stripes or polka dots? stripes. Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? i don’t mind depending who it is. kinda takes me by surprise when it’s someone i don’t know well. What is your gender? female. Do you think that people think its obvious? yep.

How long did your first date last? hmmm we had dinner then literally chilled in a park and talked for a couple hours lol. so lame. Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? yes. Highlight of your day? i had the day off work. that’s good enough for me lol. Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? plane. Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? yes. Can you cook? yes but i want to get better! How high is your ceiling? can’t be more than 3m. Whats the worst job you can think of? probably a construction worker working in really hot weather. or anything that requires you to be outside in extreme heat/cold. Do you swear a lot? more than i should. Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? nope. Is everything working in your house? yes. Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? pool. Does pop give you energy? nah. TV show you love with a passion? the office!!! Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? lol i didn’t learn anything from it. i actually went against what i should’ve done.

Perfect age to get married? whenever you’re ready.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? yeah. Name a career path that women are known for taking. modeling.  Favorite type of cookie? white choc and macadamia from subway. A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? kindness. What would I find if I looked in your pocket? no pockets. What was your first word? mama. A musical instrument you wouldnt mind learning how to play? piano or guitar. Last time you went to 7-eleven? last week to fill up my tank. A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? there’s none that i really hate. probably red rooster. i never eat there. Does everyone in your family have a job? yes. Going anywhere this weekend? nope. Is your room ever clean? sometimes. rarely lol. What does it mean when youre being quiet? i’m tired, shy, lazy. Last person you had a face to face conversation with? mum. Wheres your phone? next to me. Do you know the difference between your and you’re? yes of course. How late did you stay up last night? maybe about 4am? i finished work at 2am. Anyone youre ready to kill? no. Do you need to get a tan? wouldn’t mind one but i don’t need one. What do you want? happiness and health. Favorite TV show as a kid? sesame street, arthur, the simpsons.

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? the walking dead, game of thrones etc. unpopular opinion i know lol. How many times have you been in love? once. Go camping or go to a party? like none lmao. party over camping though. Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? hmmm around 12 i started saying ‘damn’ then i think it just got worse during high school. How many years older than you would you date someone? don’t wna put an age restriction on it but i can’t imagine dating anyone over 30. What was the last thing you pinky swore on? no idea. Would you consider yourself a nice person? yes. Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? here and there yeah. Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? nope.

Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? yes actually. True or false: Glee is annoying. didn’t watch it but the hype was annoying enough. Last thing you cooked? corn bread. Do you use slang often? yeah probably. Wear glasses? yes.

About how old was the last person that hit on you? i don’t remember.  What color are your headphones? white. Would you make a good teacher? Why? i would if i had dedicated students. i’d love to make sure they succeed in their studies. Dont you hate those commercials that try too hard? lol i hate any commercials. Is the fan on? the heater. Any special reason why youre taking this survey? because i’m bored and just painted my nails so i’m waiting for them to dry. What does the last text message you sent say? i think i’m getting sick.

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? yeah. Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? no unless it’s on the computers at work. What color are your underwear? white. How short are your nails? short. Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? there’s a time for both. Favorite holiday? christmas. If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? nope. i’m not american. Youre locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? depends how many and depends if i can kill them all. Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? not anymore coz it broke. Do you eat a lot of food? haha more than i should.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? nope. Have you ever had to give someone directions before? yes. Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? it’s super simple now since most gps just follow you. reading those thick road maps would’ve been more challenging. How many people do you text daily? maybe three. more or less.  Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? very basic shit on guitar. Is there anyone who you call by their last name? one person. What did you do on your last birthday? went interstate for a night then came back.  Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? gluttony. Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? nope. What is your least favorite subject in school? geography. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? nope. Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? i did, this couple from work. they don’t work with me anymore lol. When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? today. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? nope.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? maybe the other day. How many meals have you eaten today, so far? two. Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” no. Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? it’s not 100% reliable but definitely useful to get some info and find resources. Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? never heard of it. Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? yes. What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? aladdin. When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? harry potter style, yes. Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? hmmm half and half.  Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? my boyfriend. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? yeah school camp. it was fun. Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? nope. Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? no. When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? i haven’t. Who was the last person to compliment you? claudia. How old were you when you got to go on your first date? maybe 16. Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? they were over protective when i was a teen but got over it pretty quickly. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? ye. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? no haha. Are you the jealous type? not anymore. When was the last time you felt like you were high on life? idk. Do you know someone who cares about themselves more than their child? no. Do you still watch cartoons on television? nah. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? idk if i’ve ever had taco bell. Is there anyone currently annoying you? yes. Do you have freckles? no. How many dogs do you have, if any at all? one. Have you ever witnessed someone being beaten up? from afar. Do you think biting is weird or sexy? both depending how hard. Would you rather be called hot or beautiful? beautiful. who would rather be hot? Have you ever had a pet turtle before? nope. Do you still sleep with your parents when you’re scared sometimes? no. Have you ever met someone with two different color eyes? nope. Have you ever felt like someone was following you? only when i’m driving.

What color shirt are you wearing at the moment? white. Do you enjoy going school shopping? i did when i was in school. Do you think Pug dogs are adorable or just plain ugly? they’re pretty cute. i’d just never get one. Have you ever met someone who completely resembled their pet? no. What was the worst substance you’ve spilled on yourself before? idk. ketchup. Have you ever made out with more than one person in one night? no. Do you think there is a soulmate out there for everyone? maybe. i have no idea.

Do you like short or long surveys the best? in the middle. i hate those really long ones that aren’t anything exciting. Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? no. Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? yes. Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? no. unless i’m driving. i hate driving in the rain. How often do you shower? everyday. Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? hmmm i guess. How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? none. Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? yes. Do you ever watch any soap operas? as a kid yeah.  Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? yes. Do you usually have a low tolerance for pain or high tolerance? it depends. anything above my neck i have a low tolerance for. Would you rather eat or sleep? man i’m not sure lol. eat if the food is good i guess. Are you one of those die hard Twilight or Harry Potter fans? nah. i do love hp though.

Do your parents ever force you to talk to your grandparents? i don’t have any grandparents left. Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? it depends on the questions. Have you ever learned that someone had lied to you all along? yes. Have you ever wanted to be a lawyer? no. Have you ever had to bail someone out of jail before? no. Is there anyone in your immediate family who was adopted? no. Do you know anyone who doesn’t have any common sense? yes. my boyfriend. When was the last time you bought something? today. Do you think you look anything like your parents? sorta. What are your plans for this weekend? idk yettttt. What color is your significant other’s hair? dark brown. Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? no. Would you ever become a foster parent? idk yet, not at that stage in my life where i’ve thought about it. Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? nah. Would rather talk to someone on a landline or a cell phone? cell. Has anyone ever given you a psychiatric assessment? no. What is your favorite amusement park? disneyworld. Did you ever have braces? no. What is cuter: kisses on the forehead of the cheek? i like both. Do you believe in evolution or creation? haha i have no idea. Would you rather take a bath or a shower? Why or why not? shower. Does it bother you when people touch your personal items? without asking, yes. When was the last time you did something sexual? a couple days ago. Do you collect anything? What? perfumes. Are you better at hand-drawing things or painting? hand drawing. but i can’t draw anyway lol. Have either of your parents ever called you a failure before? no. Have you ever suspected someone of cheating on you? no. When you get married, will you convert your last name? idk. i hate my boyfriend’s last name lol.  Are your parents divorced, married or separated? separated. Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? no. What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? just everything that happened from the end of 2008 and start of 2009. rough. When was the last time you went shoe shopping? online about two weeks ago. Are you a part of any clubs at your school, if you still go to school? not in school. Do you know someone who wears a wig? nope. What is your best friend’s last name? dwayne. When was the last time you cried? For what reason? today out of frustration. What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? there’s a couple.  What time do you usually go to bed on the weekends? depends on what i’m doing. Have you ever considered suicide? no. Have you ever been raped before? no. Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? no. Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? yes. What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? donuts. Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? nah. Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? no. Who was the last person you texted? my dad. Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? nah. unless i haven’t eaten before hand. Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? alone. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? balsamic. Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? nah. Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? no. What is your Myspace URL? i honestly forgot. Are you someone who likes to wear dresses more than pants? i own more dresses than pants, that’s for sure. Have you ever dated someone who was way overprotective of you? no. What was the last thing you touched besides your keyboard? phone. When was the last time you witnessed a fist fight? years ago. Do you know anyone who lives in the state of California? yes.

Are you waiting for a text right now? no. Is it your summer vacation right now? nah. Do you like traveling? love it. What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? turquoise and then a couple shades lighter. Do you still make mix cds? no. playlists instead. Are you eating or drinking anything right now? no.

Do you go to church regularly? no. Who’s your best friend? my boyfriend. Are you determined? not really. wish i  had more motivation.

Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? i’ve been in the same relationship for nearly eight years. Ever had your heart broken? no. Even broken someone else’s heart? no. Are you confident? nope. When’s the last time you smiled? today. Are you tan? yes.

Any big plans for today/tonight? nope. not anymore. What’s the background on your computer? it just switches between nice shots of cities from all over the world. Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? i guess. Don’t you hate when your plans fall through? yes. Ever maxed out a credit card? yup. How old are you? 25. Who’s the last person you kissed? my boyfriend. Are you hoping they will also be the next person you kiss? yes. Do you ever actually go on dates? not really. we’ll always go out and have dinner but they don’t feel like dates anymore.

[babybutterf1y]

better without you

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? i realized that keeping the door open was pointless, nothing will ever change. Stripes or polka dots? Stripes. Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? nah I'm italian, it shows that they're interested What is your gender? female. Do you think that people think its obvious? Yeah i mean lololol

How long did your last date last? about an hour or so. he had to be up early to work the next morning. Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? nopeeee Highlight of your day? getting an extra punch on my donut tour card. Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? yacht

Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? da Can you cook? Yep. How high is your ceiling? no clue, like 7ft Whats the worst job you can think of? hooker Do you swear a lot? every damn day Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? 2. first and last Is everything working in your house? I'm gonna assume so Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? Pool for sure. Does pop give you energy? No. not even  close TV show you love with a passion? criminal minds. Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? that i am stronger than i think 

Perfect age to get married? 26. soon someone cuff me, I'm running out of time Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? 110% Name a career path that women are known for taking. nurse Favorite type of cookie? sugar cookie from potbelly’s A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? tall. What would I find if I looked in your pocket? Nothing.

What was your first word? ball A musical instrument you wouldnt mind learning how to play? piano. Last time you went to 7-eleven? pride, to get an icee A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? wendys Does everyone in your family have a job? da. Going anywhere this weekend? i work a yoga event saturday then going out downtown chi. sunday i work a craft beer festival in lincoln park.  Is your room ever clean? every day What does it mean when you're being quiet? thats I'm annoyed Last person you had a face to face conversation with? grandpa Wheres your phone? on the table next to me Do you know the difference between your and you’re? Yes  How late did you stay up last night? I went to bed around 1 Anyone you’re ready to kill? stevan because he won't answer my snaps. Do you need to get a tan? 110% hence why i got a tanning membership at the gym What do you want? to get my own apartment. Favorite TV show as a kid? out of the box

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? bob’s burgers How many times have you been in love? looking back on it, twice Go camping or go to a party? party hard. Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? 12  How many years older than you would you date someone? 6 What was the last thing you pinky swore on? I don’t remembert. Would you consider yourself a nice person? Yes. Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? Probably a typical amount. Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? Not that I’m aware of… Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? No. True or false: Glee is annoying. I never saw an episode. Last thing you cooked? tacos. Do you use slang often? Some I guess Wear glasses? when needed

About how old was the last person that hit on you? 24 What color are your headphones? black like my soul Would you make a good teacher? Why? Nope.i get annoyed with stupid people Dont you hate those commercials that try too hard? I don’t like any commercials. Is the fan on? No. Any special reason why you're taking this survey? waiting to see if stevan shows up and i finished all my work What does the last text message you sent say? "forget about it”- taylor

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? yesss Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? No. What color are your underwear? blue How short are your nails? long af Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? dominant Favorite holiday? Christmas. If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? probs  Youre locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? ew yea Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? nah Do you eat a lot of food? Sometimes.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? They tried, i should’ve listened Have you ever had to give someone directions before? Yeah Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? hahaha nah How many people do you text daily? maritza, taylor, lexi, stevan, aaron, nada, my dad Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? Guitar though I haven’t been played in a while Is there anyone who you call by their last name? brooks and brownie What did you do on your last birthday? blacked out Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? no idea Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? every day

What is your least favorite subject in school? psych  Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? No Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? da, its gross When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? the other night  Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? yeah it blows When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Yesterday. How many meals have you eaten today, so far? 2 Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” Uh. i mean like no? Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? It obviously isn’t. Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? once, it sucked. Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? depends What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? cinderella When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? No Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? Hardwood. Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? maritza. she was annoying me As a kid, did you ever go to camp? No. Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? Yeah. Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? No. When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? maritza’s house so today Who was the last person to compliment you? aaron How old were you when you got to go on your first date? 13 Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? depends Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? yeah ha  Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Lol no. Are you the jealous type? No. When was the last time you felt like you were high on life? last weekend at volleywood Do you know someone who cares about themselves more than their child? yesss Do you still watch cartoons on television? no What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? 3 soft shell tacos, cheese, meat, lettuce Is there anyone currently annoying you? stevan. Do you have freckles? A few. How many dogs do you have, if any at all? 100

Have you ever witnessed someone being beaten up? Yeah. Do you think biting is weird or sexy? It can be sexy. Would you rather be called hot or beautiful? Beautiful. Have you ever had a pet turtle before? No. Do you still sleep with your parents when you’re scared sometimes? i don't even live with my parents Have you ever met someone with two different color eyes? ya Have you ever felt like someone was following you? yes What color shirt are you wearing at the moment? nude Do you enjoy going school shopping? i did. I'm done with school Do you think Pug dogs are adorable or just plain ugly? ass ugly Have you ever met someone who completely resembled their pet? No What was the worst substance you’ve spilled on yourself before? blood Have you ever made out with more than one person in one night? hahahahahaha Do you think there is a soulmate out there for everyone? I don’t believe in soulmates, nor do I think everyone wants one.

Do you like short or long surveys the best? Somewhere in the 30-50 question range. Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? No. Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? Yes. Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? No How often do you shower? Every day Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? yeah How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? Zero. Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? Yep. Do you ever watch any soap operas? No. Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? I guess. Do you usually have a low tolerance for pain or high tolerance? I have a high tolerance. Would you rather eat or sleep? sleep Are you one of those die hard Twilight or Harry Potter fans? neither Do your parents ever force you to talk to your grandparents? i live with them, so i have to talk to them Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? It depends on the questions in them. Have you ever learned that someone had lied to you all along? Yeah. Have you ever wanted to be a lawyer? yea Have you ever had to bail someone out of jail before? No. Is there anyone in your immediate family who was adopted? No Do you know anyone who doesn’t have any common sense? lexi When was the last time you bought something? today i got donuts and bubble tea Do you think you look anything like your parents? my mom What are your plans for this weekend? I already answered this. What color is your significant other’s hair? single

Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? no i have an education Would you ever become a foster parent? no. Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? haaahhaha Would rather talk to someone on a landline or a cell phone? facetime Has anyone ever given you a psychiatric assessment? yeah What is your favorite amusement park? 6 flags Did you ever have braces? Yes. What is cuter: kisses on the forehead of the cheek? forehead Do you believe in evolution or creation? Evolution. Would you rather take a bath or a shower? Why or why not? Shower.  Does it bother you when people touch your personal items? no. When was the last time you did something sexual? Last weekend Do you collect anything? What? pins. shot glasses. boy’s souls Are you better at hand-drawing things or painting? I have no artistic talent. Have either of your parents ever called you a failure before? No. Have you ever suspected someone of cheating on you? Yeah and I was right. When you get married, will you convert your last name? sure Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Married. Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? da What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? an abusive relationship When was the last time you went shoe shopping? couple days ago Are you a part of any clubs at your school, if you still go to school? pi theta alumni Do you know someone who wears a wig? casey but she's black and its a weave sooooooo  What is your best friend’s last name? bolyard When was the last time you cried? For what reason? today, rocco got so scared of a firework and he took off running, poor dog. What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? forever21. What time do you usually go to bed on the weekends? 5am Have you ever considered suicide? no Have you ever been raped before? Yeah Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? yea. Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? yea What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? candy candy Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? Now and then. Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? No. Who was the last person you texted? lexi Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? Maybe half the time. Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? Alone. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? honey mustard  Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? yes, dad cps Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? probs What is your Myspace URL? What year is this? Are you someone who likes to wear dresses more than pants? in the summer. Have you ever dated someone who was way overprotective of you? hahaha yea, it was disgusting   What was the last thing you touched besides your keyboard? my phone When was the last time you witnessed a fist fight? end of school Do you know anyone who lives in the state of California? yes

Are you waiting for a text right now? uh huh fuckin stevan Is it your summer vacation right now? i mean no i graduated and am an adult so Do you like traveling? Yes. I wish I could do it more often and farther afield. What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? white Do you still make mix cds? No. Are you eating or drinking anything right now? nope

Do you go to church regularly? no, I'd burn Who’s your best friend? tay bae Are you determined? About some things

Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? i like being single but its time to find someone Ever had your heart broken? Yeah. Even broken someone else’s heart? Yeah. Are you confident? yeah. When’s the last time you smiled? Earlier. Are you tan? No.

Any big plans for today/tonight? supposed to meet trent for drinks What’s the background on your computer? my cousins and i from christmas

Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? Yeah. Don’t you hate when your plans fall through? yssss Ever maxed out a credit card? all the time How old are you? 22 Who’s the last person you kissed? i don't want to answer  Are you hoping they will also be the next person you kiss? lol no Do you ever actually go on dates? i have one tonight. 

[drunkensurvs-blog]

20.

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? The last door I closed was my bedroom door. I got some gerbils in April and since I also have a cat I don’t trust her at night not to somehow knock their tank over or just get to them. So every night I carry them to my room and every morning I take them back to their spot on the bookshelf. It’s a bit extra....haha Stripes or polka dots? Stripes. Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? No. Unless it’s a stranger. When it’s someone I know I take it as a sign of affection or that they feel comfortable around me, which I like. What is your gender? Female.   Do you think that people think its obvious? I’d say so based on my stereotypical appearance.

How long did your first date last? 3ish hours? It was so long ago I don’t really remember. Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? Yes. Highlight of your day? I’ve had the house all to myself for the first time in months. And as an introvert this has just been heaven. Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? It depends, obviously. If I want to get somewhere quickly then I’d choose a plane. If I want to see some sights or maybe have a thrill I’d pick a boat. Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? Yeah, I have functioning eyes. Can you cook? I can follow a recipe. How high is your ceiling? 8.5ft? What’s a standard American home height? Because that’s what this is. Whats the worst job you can think of? One that you hate and is also life threatening. Do you swear a lot? I swear so much. Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? yes. Is everything working in your house? A light is out, but other than that I guess so. Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? A pool! I had a trampoline growing up but I always wanted a pool. Does pop give you energy? The music or the drink? Guess it doesn’t matter because the answer is yes. TV show you love with a passion? Breaking Bad, GOT Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Thankfully, I can’t pinpoint which night this would be.

Perfect age to get married? Not before 25 I’d say.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? No. Name a career path that women are known for taking. No. Favorite type of cookie? Jungkookie ;P but yeah chocolate peanut butter. A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? Just one? Silliness. What would I find if I looked in your pocket? No pockets. What was your first word? dada. A musical instrument you wouldn’t mind learning how to play? Guitar or drums. Last time you went to 7-eleven? No idea. I’ve probably been to one a max of 2 times in my whole life. A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? None? Does everyone in your family have a job? No. Going anywhere this weekend? Nah. Is your room ever clean? Most likely not. What does it mean when youre being quiet? If I’m in a group of 4 or more people I’m either listening, disagreeing, or feeling anxious. Last person you had a face to face conversation with? Some dude at CVS. Wheres your phone? Next to me. Do you know the difference between your and you’re? Yeah, English is a thing I know. How late did you stay up last night? 3:30am ish. Anyone you’re ready to kill? Nah. Do you need to get a tan? I don’t need to. What do you want? So many things. But right now I just want to pee. Favorite TV show as a kid? Hey Arnold, Rugrats, Doug, Angry Beavers, etc.

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? The Big Bang Theory and Two Broke Girls. I’m (not) sorry but if you like those shows I don’t want to be your friend. How many times have you been in love? I feel like I’m in love with so many guys I don’t know haha. But as for IRL shit, just once. Go camping or go to a party? Party for sure. Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? Nope. How many years older than you would you date someone? not more than 7. What was the last thing you pinky swore on? No idea. Would you consider yourself a nice person? At my core...no. But people who don’t know me very much would probably say yes. Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? I’d say an average amount. Has there ever been a serial killer in your house? ...I don’t like to insult survey makers, but you know how they say no question is a stupid question? This disproves that.

Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? No. True or false: Glee is annoying. True. Last thing you cooked? Pizza. Do you use slang often? I guess I use modern day slang a decent amount. Wear glasses? I do.

About how old was the last person that hit on you? Idk What color are your headphones? Pink. Would you make a good teacher? Why? No, I hate kids. Don’t you hate those commercials that try too hard? I really do. I wish I could have a career as a commercial critiquer hah. Is the fan on? The AC is. Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? I was in the mood to listen to music really loudly but also be semi productive and this is the best way I know how. What does the last text message you sent say? It was just something to my dad about a movie we’ll be watching tomorrow.

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? Probably not because she can do that herself. I’d go WITH her though. Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site? No FB. What color are your underwear? Black. How short are your nails? None of them protrude past my fingertips...so short. Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? It’s give and take in certain areas. Favorite holiday? Xmas. If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? I’m from a neighboring state, so most definitely. Youre locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? Obviously I don’t want to be locked in a room with spiders. Of course I have an issue. Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? No. Do you eat a lot of food? Yep.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? No. Have you ever had to give someone directions before? I’ve tried to...but I’m shit at it lol. Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? I can follow a GPS... How many people do you text daily? 1 or 2. Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? No. Is there anyone who you call by their last name? No. What did you do on your last birthday? I went to AC with my best friend. Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? Sloth. Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? No. What is your least favorite subject in school? It was math. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Nope. Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? No. When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? Today. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? No.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Too long ago. How many meals have you eaten today, so far? 2, but I’ll be eating another soon. Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” No? Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? Not 100%, no. Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? I’ve been in a number of times, never bought anything. Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? I feel a little weird, but if they say it’s okay, I’m fine with it. What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? 101 Dalmatians. When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? No. Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? Carpet unless it’s the kitchen or bathroom. Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? I raise my voice jokingly at people a lot. But to yell at someone out of actual anger? It’s been YEARS. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? No. Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? Yes. Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? No. When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? I don’t believe in ghosts. Who was the last person to compliment you? My sister. How old were you when you got to go on your first date? I was 14, but that was just the first opportunity. I never had any dating rules. Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? Under. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Of course. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? No. Do you still watch cartoons on television? Yes. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? A beefy 5 layer burrito. Or a soft shell taco with no lettuce. Is there anyone currently annoying you? I’m good. Have you ever felt like someone was following you? Only once.

Do you like short or long surveys the best? Medium. This one is too long but I’m trying to hang in there. Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? No. I’m yet again questioning the survey makers IQ. Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? Yes. Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? Nope. I like them unless I have to drive in them. How often do you shower? Every other day. Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? No. How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? 2. Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? No. Do you ever watch any soap operas? Nah. Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? Not everyone, but was just not nice in general. Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? This one is certainly trying my patience. What color is your significant other’s hair? Single. Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? I have. Would you ever become a foster parent? I don’t like kids, and I would just end up adopting every animal lol. Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? No. When you get married, will you convert your last name? Idk. I’d prefer we combine our last names into a cool hybrid of our last names. Are your parents divorced, married or separated? Separated. Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? No. What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? Losing my childhood dog. Or the very first heartbreak. When was the last time you went shoe shopping? Pft, forever ago. When was the last time you cried? For what reason? I cried today while watching The Help. That movie always makes me cry. Ugh, it’s so good. What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? Spencers lol. Have you ever been raped before? Can you imagine being so insensitive as to ask this question? Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? No. Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? I did. What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? Chocolate. Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? yup. Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? Nope. Who was the last person you texted? My sisters. Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? If I’m going to buy anything at the movie theater, it’s the popcorn. It’s so good! Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? Alone. Just as I prefer. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? I don’t eat salad. Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? Lol no. Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? I’m going to say no. Is it your summer vacation right now? Summer is happening. Do you like traveling? I do. What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? Some off-shade of white.

Do you go to church regularly? Atheist. Who’s your best friend? She knows. Are you determined? No, half of my problems would be solved if I was.

Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? I’m happy with whatever comes my way. Ever had your heart broken? Yes. Even broken someone else’s heart? Yes. Are you confident? No. When’s the last time you smiled? Less than an hr ago. Are you tan? No.

Any big plans for today/tonight? Nah, just gonna eat some pizza and sleep. What’s the background on your computer? Flowers. I’ve been meaning to find something new since I’m sick of this one. Easier said than done. Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? No. I really don’t like sad songs. I can appreciate them. But I won’t choose sad music over happy/upbeat music.