#Jewish Disability Awareness and Inclusion Month

[purpleperidot18]

I can’t believe I just now learned that February is Jewish Disability Awareness and Inclusion Month! Like seriously how I have I not heard of this before!?

Love this so much as a physically disabled and autistic Jew :) Happy JDAIM!

[mental-mona]

Sex in an Orthodox Jewish Caregiver/Dependent Marriage

This is an essay I wrote years ago as an adjunct to a larger essay on making a caregiver/dependent marriage work. It's based on my and DH's experience as well as some outside advice, and addresses something important for those of us Orthodox Jewish spoonies whose spouses are as much caregiver as lover. I haven't seen the issue of nidah and chronic illness/disability discussed much anywhere, so I'm sharing this here as I originally wrote it in the hope that someone else can benefit from it. It's long and a little spicy, but not so spicy that I feel like I need to tag it as mature.

  I want to discuss something critical to any marriage which can be especially difficult in a caregiver/dependent marriage: sex. Yes, I know it’s uncomfortable to talk about, especially when you’ve been raised never to discuss such things. However, the very practice of taharat hamishpachah is essentially centered around sex, and ignoring or glossing over issues in the bedroom won’t make them go away. So, let’s get to it.

  First off, lower your expectations for mikvah night. Ladies, if your husband had to drive you to the mikvah and wait somewhere near enough for you to find his car easily but far enough away that it wouldn't be creepy to other ladies using the mikvah, it's hard for him to feel like reconnecting and pampering you more than usual, even if that's what you want. If he's exhausted from taking care of you or he's the one who's chronically ill, sex may not be on the table. Gentlemen, if your wife is chronically ill and finds mikvah prep exhausting or you're chronically ill and she spent all day taking care of you before she even started prepping for mikvah, she may not be interested in sex. Just cuddle in each other's arms for a while and call it a night. All of that goes double if one of you has a condition which makes sex physically uncomfortable and/or difficult.

  While we’re talking about mikvah, let’s talk about nidah. If the wife has a gynecological problem that makes her bleed endlessly and/or ridiculously frequently, you may be sexually frustrated for weeks on end. Ladies, I don't care if you've been nidah for four weeks and now you expect a real period again in two days; for the love of everything holy, if you’ve counted 7 clean days then go to mikvah and spend some time reconnecting with your husband. It's worth it, and your body might surprise you and not bleed again for a week. Unless one of you is asexual, you both need sex and touch and reconnection. However you practice nidah, even if it's just stopping sex and nothing else, you'll be frustrated and your stupid little fights won't get resolved as well as you'd like because you won't be able to have makeup sex. If you don't touch each other during nidah and you’re stuck with nidah for too long, you may find yourselves showing signs of clinical depression; humans need touch to thrive. I find that in that kind of situation, getting all the hugs you can from relatives and same-sex friends really helps. It's not the same as your spouse's touch, but it'll at least help keep you functional.

  Something else to consider during nidah and in general: communication. Since you can't just have makeup sex or depending how you practice even hug it out, the best thing you can possibly do for yourselves is learn to communicate your feelings and needs in nice, constructive ways. You want to use "I statements" and be upfront but polite with each other if you're upset about something. Think about how you'd respond to "I'm annoyed that I keep having to wash four bowls when I only used one that day. Could you please try to either wash what you use or use fewer dishes?" as opposed to "Stop using so many dishes! You keep using three bowls to my one, and I hate having to wash them all." Your marriage in general will benefit as you get better at communicating, but it's especially vital if the wife is endlessly nidah.

  Now we come to the real meat of it: the sex itself. Yes, it’s an awkward thing to negotiate, especially when you’re not used to it. First a caveat, that if you’re unsure if a sexual act you want is permitted, ask your rabbi. Once you’ve done that (if necessary), then in general, try to meet each other halfway in the bedroom. Unless one of you is asexual, you probably both have sexual needs. These can be difficult to meet when one of you is chronically ill. Understand that sometimes one of you will be too tired and/or ill to put out when the other wants sex, and neither of you should take issue with the horny one masturbating under those circumstances. If one of you is not up for penetrative sex but still wants to meet the other's needs, you can always use your hands and/or mouths. Another thing to remember is that you don't both need to have an orgasm every time you do something sexual; sometimes it's purely about satisfying one partner, and the other partner will get theirs another time.

  Turning the awkward factor up yet another notch, I recognize that some of you folks out there are into something kinky, or will suddenly discover a kink down the line. If you're kinky, realize that kinky sex probably won't be a regular thing, and figure out ways to work around any disabilities that would make practicing your kink difficult. You might have to do some research, experiment, and perhaps invest a bit more money than you’d planned to, but you will probably be able to find a way to at least make your kink an occasional treat without causing each other undue physical or emotional pain. Communication is key here too – if something doesn’t feel good physically or emotionally, whichever of you is uncomfortable needs to speak up immediately so you can stop, talk it out, and try something else.

  In short, though sex and nidah are difficult topics to discuss, they are vital to a happy marriage. I hope you two find your way, whatever it looks like, and have fun for as long as you live.

[jewish-vents]

While I can understand the frustration and repeatedly running into the same 'stupid takes' that can wear down patience, I do wish some people in Jewish related tags/Jewish circles I've run into wouldn't dabble in ableism when lashing out. People don't share bigoted, antisemitic, or factually incorrect posts (or act antisemitic) because of a lower IQ or things associated with brain damage - brain rot, brain worms, being brain dead, having a smooth brain, stroke babbling, head dent, etc. A lot of these phrases have popped up as slang from somewhere online in the past few years (tbh, I'm not sure where Tumblr picked it up), but that doesn't actually make this trend Correct or Not Ableist. I suspect this feels more irritating because February is Jewish Disability Awareness and Inclusion Month, but it also feels like I'm being horribly picky about word choice.

THIS

[magnetothemagnificent]

[id in alt text]

Did you know that February is Jewish Disability Awareness Acceptance, and Inclusion Month? In this month we celebrate Jewish figures who were and are disabled, so here a few of my favourite:

Yitzchak (Isaac): He became blind either from angel's tears falling in his eyes at Akedat Yitzchak, or from old age. Either way, his blindness made him disabled.

Yaakov (Jacob): He was left with a permanent leg injury after sparring with the angel.

Leah: She was described as being constantly crying and having swollen eyes. This can be interpreted as her having chronic depression, which is disabling.

Chushim: Dan's son, who was deaf. He was the one who ended up killing Esav after he tried to hold up Yaakov's funeral.

Moshe (Moses): He had a lisp since he was a child, and had so much difficulty communicating that he needed his brother Aharon to act as a translator.

Ehud ben Gera: A prophet and leader of the Jewish people, some commentaries interpret him as having a congenital limb difference in his right arm.

Shimshon (Samson): Rabbi Yochanan in the Talmud interpreted Shimshon as having been born with a limp in both his legs.

Shaul (Saul): He had severe depressive episodes for which he required David to comfort him with music.

Mephiboshet: Yonatan's son who was either bow-legged or had some kind of spinal injury. He was adopted by King David after Yonatan's death.

Rav Sheshet: An Amora in the Talmud who was blind. He was said to have memorized an immense wealth of knowledge that made his colleagues tremble in awe.

Franz Kafka: A writer and novelist, he suffered with depression and long-time chronic illness from contracting TB.

Judy Heumann: She is one of the founders the disability rights movement. She contracted polio as a baby and as a result became quadriplegic. She led the 26-day takeover of the San Francisco Health, Education and Welfare office in 1977 in protest for disability rights.

[cakepursuedbyabear]

I can’t think of any outside things off the top of my head, BUT

My shul does a couple things I appreciate as a disabled and nd Jew:

1. There is an accommodations cart next to the siddur cart at the entrance to the sanctuary. It has fidgets and magnifying glasses and large print siddurim so that people that need those things have access to them. I don’t need the large print books, but the fidgets have saved me and some of my other nd friends from panic attacks and meltdowns on numerous occasions.

2. The rabbis say “we ride in body OR in spirit” at the beginning of standing prayers. It’s a small thing, but it makes a world of a difference to those (like me) that have trouble standing. It allows us to feel seen and included in the practice of the community.

3. All synagogue events that have online access have live captions turned on. The captions aren’t great with Hebrew, but they get the English pretty well.

You can always start by asking your congregations to implement things like these. I also know that February is Jewish Disability Acceptance, Awareness, and Inclusion Month. Googling JDAIM should bring up some other resources. I hope this helps someone and I’ll add more if I think of/find anything else!

Hey jumblr does anyone know any resources/accommodations for neurodivergent and disabled Jews? Can you either direct me to or can we make a list of apps, organizations, websites, personal tips, etc for this?

[jewish-education]

What changes will you push for as Jewish Disability Awareness Month comes to a close?

In what ways is your Jewish community working towards accessibility and inclusion? What do they still need to work on?

[ganon]

i havent seen anyone mention this so i feel obligated to do it myself but judy heumann z''l was also jewish, and that informed her life and her activism, as it does for many jews. she talked about how the silence on the pain of jewish people and disabled people both rang in her mind, and how we can't give in to it. in her memoir, she talked about how her family's experience with the shoah and being raised in jewish community shaped and drove her. in a white house event during jewish disability awareness & inclusion month, she talked about tikkun olam, and said she felt that the jewish community had an obligation to be leaders--like her. may her memory be for a blessing through all generations, for all time.

[sandstonesunspear]

With February being Jewish Disability Awareness and Inclusion Month, let's remember that if you say you're bringing awareness to disabled Jews but not including them in the conversation? Then you're not bringing awareness. Include disabled Jews in the conversation, don't speak over them.

Their voices are the ones that matter most.

[isas-oc-asylum]

The Aboresian Calendar

FULL CALENDAR:

Holidays with a * are Aboresian-specific holidays not celebrated by the rest of the world.

January 1st: New Year's Day February All: Black History Month February 2nd: Groundhog Day February 14th: Valentine's Day March All: Women's History Month March 21st: Vernal Equinox Holiday* April 1st: April Fool's April 14th: Easter April 18th: Sowing Day* April 22nd: Earth Day April 24th: Arbor Day May All: Mental Health Awareness Month May 8th: Arboresian Independence Day* May 11th: President's Day May 15th: Mother's Day May 30th: Parent's Day* June All: LGBT+ Pride Month June 15th: Father's Day June 21st: Summer Solstice Holiday* July All: Disability Pride Month September All: Elven Heritage Month September 21st: Autumnal Equinox Holiday* October 13th: Harmony Day* October 31st: Halloween November 18th: Reaping Day* December 1st: World AIDS Day December 10th: Human Rights Day December 21st: Winter Solstice Holiday* December 25th: Christmas December 31st: New Year's Eve

ARBORESIAN HOLIDAYS, EXPLAINED:

Sowing Day: Celebrated nationwide. This is the day for agriculture and gardening, be it for actual food or just a hobby. It’s basically a mass-planting day for all of Arboresia’s farms, orchards, etc. The holiday is Elven in origin, this and Reaping Day were among the first things adopted by Arboresian colonists from elves.

Reaping Day: Celebrated nationwide. Opposite to Sowing Day, this is Arboresia’s Thanksgiving equivalent. Crops are all harvested from Sowing Day. It was started by Harvest Elves & celebrates the hard work of reaping crops with a feast of said food.

Harmony Day: Celebrated nationwide. This is an American Thanksgiving equivalent, but specifically of the bullshit fantasy kumbayah peace between colonists & natives lie they tell in schools. It indeed marks the anniversary of Elves & Imperitian settlers celebrating the comfortable coexistence they created. Its celebrated with a feast & festival in Ghost Town, Autumn Hallow where elves & supernaturals alike can sell crafts & whatnot like they did in historically. Its like a farmer's market & craft fair but with significance. Other territories hold their own festivals as well, but the AHan one is the go-to one.

NOTES:

Some holidays share similarities to American holidays, but may be observed/celebrated differently

Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Hindu, African American, Mexican, etc specific holidays are also celebrated by their respective people

Unlike other countries, holidays like Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc don't float around days because Arboresia doesn't build its calendar around Christian events like Lent/etc

Obviously, the 4 seasonal-themed primary territories celebrate the solstices & equinoxes

Given Arboresia's namesake & relationship with nature, Earth & Arbor Day are much bigger deals

Parent's Day is the middle day between Mother & Father's Day, President Navene established the holiday for nonbinary parents rather than leaving them to choose to celebrate their parenthood on either of the gendered parent holidays

Arboresia has more inclusive holidays for minority groups just to flex on the rest of the world

President's Day is different for Arboresia than America

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

just found out february is apparently jewish disability awareness and inclusion month? anyway that’s my month now

[mental-mona]

This is aimed at people in the Philadelphia, PA area, but there are links to a bunch of universally useful things about Judaism and disability.

[afrodesiaq]

it is jewish disability awareness and inclusion month and i want you all to be aware that i am looking at a page of events specifically for jdaim right mcfucking now and not a single one lists asl interpretation

some have NO accessibility info listed what so ever

[yidquotes]

We do not do things FOR people with disabilities. We do things WITH people with disabilities.

Shelly Christensen (Today is the start of Jewish Disability Awareness and Inclusion Month)

[rabbicreditor]

Looking forward to spending time tomorrow night with the Boston Chevreh (especially my Temple Israel of Sharon friends!) at "Together in Harmony"! We'll gather Monday, Feb. 1, at 7:30pm to kick off a month-long celebration of Jewish Disabilities Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month (#JDAIM) with healing songs, prayers, and conversation! Neshama and I are so very excited to be in conversation and song with our treasured friends, Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson, Elana Artson, and Jacob Artson, and I get to connect once again with my beloved Chavruta from many years ago, Rabbi Marc Baker, President and CEO of CJP - Combined Jewish Philanthropies! Our deep thanks to The Ruderman Family Foundation, as always, for believing in a Jewish community of equity and justice, and for inviting us to be part of the holy work of inclusion! Register here: https://cjp.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_m9C0JVURSvSFcselsXVkWg https://www.instagram.com/p/CKvIEkPLig_/?igshid=1c0xsxn8s683e