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#KEEP ME UPDTAED
amonthofwhump · 1 year
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Sorry for anon, I never use anon, but I'm the recent tag spam, I didn't realize that updtaing old posts would @ any users again, I was just updating my writeblr to make things look nicer and then decided to see if updating old posts with tagging myself gave me an update, which it did. I am so sorry for the spam, I didn't know that would happen. I'll make sure it doesn't keep happening 😅
No worries! Enjoy updating your writeblr! I hope you rediscover and find joy in your old stories as you do!
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Okay so first of all happy new year, may you achieve all your goals🎉💕 Second of all I may or may not have gone through your destiel tag and OMG YOU'RE SO FREAKING FUNNY honestly😂😂 Yes I'm sending you an ask just to tell you this because your tags made me laugh A LOT and Cas hasn't even appeared on the show for me (im now on season 2 btw) but I feel like I'm gonna SUFFER. Well rip me I guess, but I will watch it till the end for sure. Thank you again for telling me to go for it😄
Oh my gosh hello. Tumblr dot com betrayed me and I did not get a notification for this :(
Happy New Year to you too. I hope it's a warm, loving and kind one.🌸🌸🌸
Ngl, I feel very flattered. Everytime I am called funny, it always validates me to my core and makes me all mush inside so thank you. Mwah. I will try my best to keep you smiling.
Aaah, the Destiel tag is just one way road to crazy ville aboard the pain train innit?!? What can I say, I love me some angst and pain. The meta about this show is honestly the best part though and I can't wait for you to get all of that and enjoy it. It's a very special kind of brain rot.
Also season 2 is the first season, I sobbed. Let's see how it goes for you?! Also what are your thoughts on J*hn W*nchester? Please tell me you also think he is abhorrent. That is the only character analysis allowed for him.
You will suffer but like me you will be happy about it. (That sounds so ominous we-)
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alamanyar · 5 years
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Late to the party, but here comes my analysis considering the latest Skam Italia clips if anyone is interested (spoiler: it’s quite long- I tend to ramble a lot):
Eleonora is a walking contradiction. I needed some time to realize it, because her behaviour has had me confused. She also reminded me of myself in some moments, and it was as if I were looking into a mirror and, well, I didn't really like that.
That being said, one of Ele’s main struggles is letting go of acting superior. She's shown this behaviour mostly towards Edoardo. The one who's lately been challenging her the most and the one she lashes out at the most. It's a mechanism she uses to protect herself. [If I hurt you first, you won’t get to hurt me]. ⇾  This is obviously an irrational mindset, but it is somehow protecting her. It’s the same with always saying “I’m good” when she’s not, and isolating herself so she doesn’t have to talk to others about it, when in fact, talking to others, especially loved ones, takes a lot of the weight off one’s shoulders and it gives one strength. It anchors a character, no? It sure brings me back to one Dr. Spera from season two. [”Do you have friends, Martino?” “Of course I do.”] You see, Martino and Eleonora are quite similar here, aren't they? They don’t talk to their friends until late, because they try to fight their own battles. And I think with Eleonora it‘s even more of a case of “This is the only way I know how to fight.”
At the Easter party, Sana mentions her absences. I thought it was very interesting that they made her say this, and I believe it holds the following meaning: Eleonora, to me at least, hasn't really felt like a main character (yet), or let's say, she's a main character that is more quiet compared to others. It frustrates me a bit, because I feel as if she is stagnating. Which also reminds me of myself, and sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab her and shake her. But she has to grow on her own, of course. And no other character can make her grow, unless she wants to. I think Edoardo pushes her to an extinct that makes her want to take back some steps eventually, even though their interaction has made her come out of her shell. He scares her, because he’s been trying to woo her for over a year and now she’s seen aspects of him that made her change her mind about him. She sure is falling hard for him, and I believe a part of her is trying to refuse to accept her feelings. She’s careful. Not only because of her past, but because I think she’s created an image of herself that she feels like she has to obtain. Eleonora Sava - feminist, strong headed and with high morals - wouldn’t go out with someone like Edoardo Incanti, would she? She mostly seizes the fight at the end of the Easter clip as a pretence to step away from their relationship. It’s an “easy out.” It also is a way of protecting herself from speaking to Silvia. She’s been dragging this out and now she doesn’t have to talk to her about Edoardo anymore, right? Because it was only a phase and she’s back to despising people like him.
Now, her absences are logical. She has dealt with a lonely childhood, she's never really felt cared for. Her mother - really good call to make her appear on the show for the clip showed us how much Ele wants to be seen by her even though I think she knows that she won't get the attention she longs for - seems to be a progressing woman, but not really a mother Ele needs (at least not in these moments) since she’s sensitive and insecure. Her eating disorder is still something she struggles with- whether it's because she's still not there eating regularly or if it's because she hasn't completely dealt with it. I got the impression that it is still haunting her. She is ashamed when her mother asks her if she's been eating and the reminder is making her feel extremely small in that moment. And so she claims that she's been eating with a smile, but that smile doesn't reach her eyes. She's hurt when her mother says her aunts are coming to the dinner as well. Eleonora was looking forward to spending time alone with her. But she doesn't say anything. She's not the girl she tells the other girls to be (confident, headstrong)- she agrees to spending time with her mom together with others. It's better than no time with her at all. So she thinks. Her mother probably thinks she raised an independent young woman (to an extinct that's true). But Eleonora is still a child. It will be interesting to see if she’ll try and stop getting her mother’s attention. I think she should, it’s not healthy. I also think she should call out her mother, even though it shouldn’t be her, her mother should be the one checking with her regularly so that Eleonora doesn’t feel the need to seek her attention. Her mother should see her, it’s you know, her job. Then again, I know a lot of people who assume everything’s alright with someone, if said someone doesn’t say otherwise. Maybe that’s also a way of protecting oneself. “If I don’t dig deeper, I won’t find anything to worry about.” I hope that whatever she choses to do about their relationship or whatever happens between them, it will benefit her.
Eleonora has told Eva things like "You don't need his permission to talk to him." x "You don't have to wait for him to ask him out, you can ask him out instead." That's interesting, because she's telling Eva what she would like to do, but feels not able to do, and I believe it’s something she has not really done in the past. But it certainly makes her look like someone who does these things. That doesn’t mean Eleonora isn’t a confident young woman, we’ve seen her acting self-assured a couple of times. I feel like she’s wearing a mask though. Her confidence is a distraction. People won’t see her vulnerability if she keeps the mask on, and if no one detects her vulnerability, no one will hurt her. She can be confident around her friends, she defended them fiercely- but when has she really been confident for her sake? In her case, being confident means to open up and let people see what’s behind the mask. Being confident is also about showing one’s vulnerability and this is something she’ll have to learn in her season.
With Edoardo it's this push and pull, but he's the one who's been pushing more. Waiting for her to come to him, speak to him etc. In the car scene, she finally felt like she could open up. It wasn't really his fault that she couldn't to this point, it were bad experiences that made her closed off. But when she did open up, he heard her. Her relief was palpable. Being heard and cared for is one of the greatest feelings in the world in my humble opinion, and I’ve seen how thankful Ele was for Edoardo’s care in that moment- it was written on her face; very clearly.
But now we're back to square one. Why's that? Because Edoardo crashed a chair on someone’s back? No.That's mostly been an excuse.
Eleonora walked away from the fight, because Edoardo throwing the chair was the icing on the cake. She’s known he has been violent, but she’s more or less made fun of it. When his phones buzzes in the sleep-over clip “Oh, you need to beat up people again?” But now she’s seen it with her own eyes. A fight is always scary, especially when throwing fists and objects are involved, and maybe I didn’t quite understand her walking away from it. Was it really because of the violence? Hasn’t she noticed he was acting in self-defence? Does it not matter to her? I’m trying to put myself into the situation, which is really hard to do, but I think I would have wanted to stay with my friends. Maybe I don’t quite understand her behaviour, because it’s a little less common. ? Overall, I feel it’s easy to judge a character’s behaviour on a show, maybe too easily, and the audience jumps to conclusions too easily sometimes as well. And if we, the audience, didn’t go through something similar, who are we to judge?
Her own brother is gay, so my question is: shouldn’t Eleonora be glad that someone defended Martino, who’s also gay, even if violence played a part? (violence that was not initiated by Edoardo). I’m sure Eleonora and Filo talked plenty about what it means to be gay in a society they are living in, so I still struggle with her behaviour. I don’t really blame her - we react differently to things all the time - and maybe her choice to walk away has been a melody of “Ok maybe he didn't start the fight, but he's capable of this sort of violence and I condemn that" x "I'm disappointed he chooses to act this way (-even if it was in self-defence ?)" x "This is scaring me, I can't keep watching." The clip that followed afterwards was the one with her mom and I believe it influenced her behaviour during the fight clip with Edoardo. The talk with her mother and the day she spent with her (I assume), made her go back to feeling insecure about herself. Why would her mother not listen to her (cry for help)? Why can't her mother see her troubles? And that she needs (motherly) love?  Why is she not good enough? And maybe spending time with her mother made her think that’s it’s better to move forward. Progressing, right?
Funny though, how she accused Edoardo for not calling the police in a heated moment like this. Could one of them have called the police before jumping into the fight? Hm, unrealistic, not only for teenagers, but adults I say. They didn't know it would end up like that? And their focus was on helping the other boys. Knowing it were those Piazza guys was just a bonus to get going imho. And why didn't the girls nor Eleonora herself call the police? Because they were frozen in that moment? Then, with all due respect, she shouldn't ask something of someone she didn't do either. In conclusion, she was asking an irrational question. Of course the Villa boys had beef with those guys from Piazza Giouchi before, and Elia probably said it were them attacking them. Edoardo defended Martino and Giovanni (he had before, too), but he and his boys also killed two birds with one stone that night. Anyway. That argument of hers was kinda stupid, but also realistic. Because it was stupid, you know?
Both of them said dumb things during that fight. Edoardo put words into her mouth before she even spoke, because he was frustrated she had ghosted him and she hadn't said anything to that point either. I get him. Ele was showing passive-aggressive behaviour (she was silent and she avoided eye contact - and not for the first time - and in this case, it triggered Edoardo). It's hard to deal with, I know that, because I tend to do that myself. So she obviously was upset not only because of the fight, but also because he tried to put words into her mouth. (And she probably still had the conversation with her mother in mind. A conversation that made her feel small and not heard. She didn’t lash out at her mother. She lashed out at him. Not only because of what happened at the Easter party). I also think Edoardo has never been with someone like Eleonora. I mean, at first he still uses his soft voice with her and tells her that there’s been enough silence, and then he tells her how their conversation will go. He still uses his soft voice, but when Eleonora says she doesn’t want to fight, he says she does, and his voice loses the softness. He’s not wrong though, Ele seems to do that, especially with him. She fights with him about serious matters, but also in a playful way. So Edoardo tells her how the fight will go, because that’s probably how he’s been having arguments in the past, and, because a part of him knows that she tends to pick fights. His reasoning is pretty silly though- “I’ve told you to stay outside.” I mean.
Edoardo was right to call her out on her judgment. Maybe it wasn't the right time nor the right moment, but then again- do those things exist? And let's not forget that Skam is about miscommunication and that all the mains go through these struggles of misunderstanding things and people. Eleonora was definitely pushed into corner, because, how dare he tell her that? She's always right, isn't she? And then she does the next stupid thing and brings his family into the picture which obviously triggers him and he calls it a day. He's done trying to make her understand his motives. She won't listen anyway, won't she. He closes himself off and gives her the bad boy attitude. He doesn't wait for a response. She's made up her mind about it (and him) anyway. The symbolism in this clip is wonderful, as painful as it is. They are both going back to their darkest character traits - almost as if they are seeking shelter there. They are going separate ways and the door between them is closed again (it was never really open anyhow). This time, Eleonora has to make a move. She needs to decide whether she wants to push down the handle or not. (When she does that, she’ll literally let light into their relationship). It was a good fight scene. Realistic, because in a heated argument people tend to be illogical and sometimes people say stuff they don't mean etc.
So, Eleonora hasn't felt like a main yet (to me), because most of the time she's sort of absent. When she's hanging out with the girls, she’s the one who talks the less. When she's been with the girls and the boys, the others talk more than her. Even with Eva, the one she's closest with, it's Eva who leads the conversation. With Filo it's more balanced, but he's her brother. And with Edoardo - even though she opened up to him - I feel like he's the one talking more. At least he initiated most of their conversations/texts so far. Eleonora chooses not to give away too much, but I also think she’s used to people leaving her out of conversations. Hence her quietness. Hence her passive-aggression.
I personally don't care too much about the social media updates (I think the show also works perfectly fine without it. Those updates are a bonus in my eyes. A bonus I enjoy mostly, but it's not quite necessary to follow the story you know?), but I got the feeling that the lack of social media content or let's say at least the less usage of social media updates compared to other seasons/remakes mirrors Eleonora or at least her state of mind. (Eva and Martino were more active in their group chat than her so far, no? Martino, out of all people, canyoubelieve.meme). Eleonora isolates herself when she's not feeling well. She tries to deal with her troubles by herself. That's what she has learned anyway, hasn't she? She deals with stuff alone and I find that very upsetting, because she shouldn't, but her parents failed in that aspect and I assume in a lot of more aspects, too. That's why she is closed off. If I don't let someone in, they won't hurt me, right? But it's also what she craves the most. Ele wants someone with whom she can share anything. She's a walking contradiction. I think she's not quite there knowing that, but she'll get there, and when she accepts her flaws, she'll think lesser of those she tries to paint in black and white. (last clip symbolism once again). She'll realize that there are people left on this earth who won't exploit her. People who care deeply about her. She'll open up and she’ll be vulnerable and that's when she'll be able to grow.
I also think her not reaching out to the girls or the boys after the fight is because 1) she's been isolating herself and 2) the guilt over what happened and maybe walking away from the fight made her ashamed to reach out and 3)  maybe we were denied a phone call between Eleonora and x. Who knows. And maybe she got texts, but never answered them.
And because I don’t know where else to put it: the season isn’t over yet and I will wait until it’s done to judge their choice of the homophobia subplot as a whole, which I think is not merely used to create drama or serve as dramatic device of a heterosexual relationship’s portrayal, because, you know, the season isn’t over yet and because I think it makes sense if I look back at the hints of homophobia we got in Marti’s season. [”They’ll make fun of me in school.”] That obviously happened in season two already, [”Maybe they’ll beat me up.”] Well, we sadly got that in season three. [”But at least that’s me.”] We’ve seen Marti in season three here and there, and he’s been nothing but himself. Happy with who he is and happily in love with a boy. And no one is gonna take that away from him, no homophobes and certainly not a society that thinks ill of queer people. It’s already a lot on him to be careful in public, because he shouldn’t feel the need to do that. And yet he does, because he perfectly knows what kind of society he’s a part of. And just because we haven’t seen how he’s been after the fight clip, I wouldn’t call it a bad choice to go with this story line yet. 1) it’s a perfect continuation of what’s been hinting at in season two, 2) we all know Marti has like the best support system we could want for him and they are taking care of him, of absolutely fucking course. I’m thinking that we actually don’t have to see how he is, because we know he has people to lean on and that he’s done hiding and would rather put up with getting beaten up than being someone he’s not, it’s just that we want to see him, 3) there are other subplots which are taking away screen-time away form Ele, too (that’s been an argument) [trying to pair up Silvia with a boy; for instance], 4) why would they create this homophobia subplot (besides it being realistic) and not give us a satisfactory resolve? Read resolve as in how’s Martino dealing with it? and 5) Skam is about realism, so why isn’t this homophobia subplot realistic, too? Because most of us want it to be addressed more profoundly, and well, not used as a subplot? Skam Italia is a remake (the og never had a homophobia plot, we “only” saw a snippet of it in season four), and because of the season’s switch, we have Martino out in season two already and he’s now happily in love with Nico. It makes sense to me that they’re doing this, and I also doubt we’ll get more than four seasons, let alone another boy season, so why not address this now? Doesn’t it get people talking? Don’t some people get educated through this?
{I think everyone who loved season two is worried about Martino and the boys, I know I am, and yeah I’d like to see an update on him, and because I think we will, I’ll wait. I understand some people’s frustration though and I wouldn’t mind ten more season through Marti’s eyes or another boy season, but I have to say that, as of right now, I like that they chose to tackle this topic in Ele’s season. It’s heavy, yeah, but it’s important. It’s a continuation of the realism Marti hinted at at the end of his season. It’s consistent writing and not done for dramatic affects. For now I choose to keep trusting the writers. Marti’s season has been handled with care (Eva’s too, but that’s not the point here obviously) and I think Skam Italia excels in their character’s portrayals and their dynamics. Personally, I’m a fan of not getting an explanation to everything. Marti’s character is well thought out and Fede portrayed his nuances so well and despite all the heartbreak and tears, he’s strong, and as I said, he has an amazing support system. We’re probably not getting much of the aftermath of the fight considering Martino and the boys, especially with the hiatus rolling, and well, we’re in Ele’s season anyway, but at some point, the camera will land on Marti’s face again and I’m sure we’ll see him being happy- with his friends and with Nico.}.
Maybe we’ll get a talk between the Sava siblings withFilo reminding Ele that if it had been him in that fight, she wouldn’t have judged so hard that Edoardo crashed a chair on someone’s back and that she actually just used this as an excuse in order to criticise him again. I doubt it though. We’ll probably get a line from Ele (sort of as an excuse) “I used to think I knew everything better than others” x “I’ve misjudged a lot in the past” etc and it will mirror Marti’s “I used to talk a lot of nonsense.”
I’ve been missing Filo and yet I think they are kinda ghosting him, because it underlines Ele feeling left alone. [”He’s gone for the holidays.”] Well, of course, that’s Filo, he leaves when he pleases and he leaves me alone and I have to do everything on my own. No one cares. And when we’ll finally get a scene with him taking care of her, she’ll realize that she hasn’t given him enough credit and I imagine he’ll say something among the lines “I’m here for you always” x “We’ll get through this” and she’ll be reminded that they have been in this fight together all along. Maybe this will give her courage to ask for help more often when her season is coming to an end and I hope she’ll do just that in the years to come. It’s one of the things she has to learn that’s for sure.
Oh, and by the way, I thought it was an interesting choice that they showed us Ele with those dead plants in the clip with her mother. It either means she's going to let things die - trying to get her mother's attention/putting so much value into it and getting rid of her high morals and her black and white thinking in some cases - or it means she'll find the right tools to not let things die or you know, people, as in her relationship with Edoardo. ⇾ Sometimes it is worth fighting for people/things even when things look bad.
To end this, those plants were orchids. (I’m 99,9% sure). And those don't belong on the balcony. They belong in darker and more cool rooms. Exposing them to the sun is the easiest way to kill them beside watering them too often (once a week or every two weeks is enough). It baffles me that she doesn’t know this, because orchids are quite popular, especially because they are easy to tend to. Maybe it’s coincidental that those plants were orchids or I’m seeing symbolism everywhere lol But perhaps they chose Ele tending to those plants in the wrong way, because it’s supposed to mirror her approaching subjects and people in the wrong way.
Anyway, those orchids didn’t look dead to me, they just were planted on the wrong spot. Change that and water them correctly and they should recover. And whether those plants hold a metaphor or not, this is exactly what Ele has to do, if she wants to feel better. She needs to stop dealing with everything on her own and she needs to accept that she isn’t right all the time and that she misjudges people as everybody else does and that that isn’t necessarily a failure, but an opportunity to grow. It’s perfectly fine to change one’s mind. And confiding into someone isn’t a sign of weakness either. Admitting to being weak is actually a sign of strength.
Eleonora is a strong young woman, and yet she’s incredibly vulnerable, too. I believe she’ll be even stronger if she has got things straightened out with herself. If she chooses to show her vulnerability (dark to light), people will see her for who she really is, and I believe this will be liberating for her and make her even stronger than before. It will steady her. And if you like it more empurpled: if she lets go of hiding her vulnerability, that’s when she will blossom.
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osmpalliumduo · 2 years
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I NEEDNTO LEAVE STREAM NOOOWWWW PLEASE KEEP ME UPDTAED IF HE DIES OR SM
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Idk when i’ll get around to updating again
Maybe it was the caffeine from the Excedrin mixing with the tequila and Prosecco and fancy-ass mini cocktails I had that were all keeping me up last night, but I was thinking about posting about this, thinking about what I’d say, which blog i’d put it under, etc. Idk that I ever really reached any sort of a conclusion, and this post is only coming out of a.) a feeling that I want to inform anyone reading my slow-ass Rebels fic that idk when I’m going to updtae it again and b.) local whiskey.
Cut because of personal that i don’t wanna inflict on anyone who’s not up for it/hasn’t consented to my drama.
Things are rough. I’m feeling some identity issues. Stuff I’m not sure that’s important, not sure how to think about if it even is important, if I should even think about thinking about it, does it matter, do I care, does it affect anything. Edging up toward the next decade and having nothing in my life to show for it. Waking up every morning to anger and disappointment from my family (#ADHD). being a letdown and a failure, and every day I fuck up, like more than your average college-educated human, i feel like (”that’s just your low self-esteem talking! go get some therapy!”). When I was in college I used to fantasize about being a successful author. still here; still not successful, many many many years later. Every day is repetitive. My life feels meaningless, directionless, and purposeless. I feel like I manage other people’s emotions all while working on myself to be “a better person.” It’s just sort of become an endless cycle of shit/stuff/disappointing people/letting people down/being a failure/accomplishing nothing. i’m not even on here much anymore, and this used to be my Happy Place. I guess we all search for Purpose, but it feels extra challenging when you question yourself every step of the way. When you’re full of regrets and doubts and apologies and wincing. When you spend your whole past week literally waking up in the middle of the night screaming from nightmares. Liek I know “life is hard” and “being human is hard” and “it’s a wonder with all the complications of genes and DNA etc that any of us even function 😜” but I mean, some days I REALLY feel like i was behind the door when “How to Human” class was going on or when the Life Skillz were handed out. Because I suck, man. I. Suck. I feel unqualified to be anything to anyone:partner, parent, friend, sister, niece, aunt, daughter, granddaughter, etc. like i can’t do any of it right. Like I fuck up everything I do try to do. I feel like poison.
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storyofauke · 6 years
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joysstar replied to your post: Do you think the vf fandom is slowly dying out? We...
Those slow updtaes truly teach me to appreciate the manga. I used to be in shonen fandoms like Bleach or Naruto and people used to complain a lot about those manga. And yet they got chapters every weeks! The plot didn’t move that much. Yet with VF I have this impression it’s truly moving on and sensei has time to tell the story she wants. I really like it that way.
Yeah, I’m seeing complaints about this chapter and I get that people want to see Asami and want to see Asami and Aki together, and this is a little different, this particular story. It’s complex, pulling in a lot of characters with varying motivations and machinations, and sensei is taking her time to let it roll out. It’s a risk, keeping Asami and Aki apart like this, but I’m trusting that there will be a fantastic payoff and patience will be richly rewarded.
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