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hazyletter · 2 months

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what you know (and all i think about) is us

Tobio had gotten used to the silence that surrounds their apartment, sometimes he's lucky at weekends where his sister would check up on him because of her worry about her little brother missing her which Tobio just blinks at before silently agreeing as Miwa envelops him into a tight hug, but most of the time, Tobio's alone.

He's got a routine out of it because of years being left and learning how to do things alone, from teaching himself about the random things he sees on the internet including the times where he gets curious enough that he roams around the neighborhood to sightsee in between his morning jogs when there's no school or practice.

All in all, Tobio doesn't mind the silence, after all it's been the norm of his life for so long already, so he accepted the truth way before that he should be getting used to this and handle it in some way. In some days, Tobio feels like wanting to do anything than just lay on their couch all day in front of the TV but the thought quickly drifts away when he knows there's no point because he'd be going back to the couch in the end.

So when the familiar buzz of the doorbell from outside rings on his ear, Tobio snaps his head up to the door with furrowed brows, already wondering who it was because it's two in the afternoon which is not the common time when Miwa visits him on saturdays and his parents are in separate work trips in other prefectures he didn't try to figure out as to which. But with a reluctant and slightly drifting mind, Tobio stands up to open the door.

The seconds in which he walked his way from his room to the genkan gave Tobio time to think of the possible person or people who'd randomly go to his home without notifying him but none of those options included a Tsukishima Kei whose head rose up from the sound of the door opening and his auburn eyes subtly filled with color when a dumbfounded Tobio comes into view.

"What...are you doing here?" Tobio tilts his head with obvious confusion plastered on his face, quickly noticing the white plastic bag on Tsukishima's hand that Tsukishima immediately fumbled with when he saw that Tobio saw it, the setter looking back up at him again with a raised brow after giving the item a silent glance.

Tsukishima blinks for a moment, his mouth slightly parting as if it's trying to figure out what to let out, and even if he's still dazed at the situation, Tobio silently waits for it. But Tsukishima's mouth closes and Tobio is left with even more of a furrowed brow.

"Um...?" Tobio tries to continue.

That seemed to blow away the fog off of Tsukishima's mind and he blinks before softly clearing his throat, "I... saw a friend of your sister's on the way up here and he told me to give this to you."

Friend? Tobio tilts his head to the side. He quickly figures it's possibly Shun since the older guy gives him visits from time to time as well, instructed by Miwa, just checking up on him and giving him snacks and drinks so someone knows he's still up and going, though Tobio always tried to convince all of them that he's fine on his own. It's not that they don't trust him, but Tobio guesses that's just their own way of caring because of not having the capability to stay with him on their own.

Still, curiosity starts to perk from Tobio's mind as he stares at Tsukishima's figure awkwardly standing in the genkan, the setter not being used to seeing someone taller than Shun being in front of him inside his home. He wonders what Tsukishima was doing in this certain apartment building, and he also wonders how Shun even knew that Tsukishima knew Tobioㅡthat last observation made Tobio feel suspicious.

His rambling thoughts were interrupted when he hears a sigh from the boy in front of him before he walked past Tobio, setting the plastic bag on the coffee table in front of the sofa. Tobio takes a moment to blink with a matching gaping mouth at the casual way Tsukishima just strolled inside until he's brought back from the sound of a snort.

"I have to say," Tsukishima starts, a hint of a curve on the sides of his lips, "You look different with casual clothes."

The familiar teasing tone of the blonde makes Tobio's nose scrunch up in annoyance, "We literally go out once in a while as a team and I wear casual clothes. What are you saying?"

Tsukishima hums, "Didn't know you were the type to wear pajamas outside but I don't really want to know you that well, so..."

Tobio scoffs, walking close to the kitchen counter where Tsukishima is leaning onto, grabbing a pitcher filled with water to pour Tsukishima some, but he doesn't forget to quickly punch Tsukishima first in the arm, meaning to hurt but not too much, and the wince from the latter at the impact makes Tobio huff triumphantly.

"Strong words for someone who just barged in here."

"I have a side quest named 'Annoying one Kageyama Tobio'." Tsukishima sarcastically says, accepting the glass of water and drinking it as he watched Tobio roll his eyes at his antics.

"Nerd." Tobio gives him a look before turning to the couch, making a hand gesture that lets Tsukishima know to follow him.

"Volleyball idiot." Tsukishima quickly bites back.

"Asshole."

"Your Majesty."

"Ugh, fuck off."

"Too bad." Tsukishima deadpans as he sits down the couch while Tobio resumes what he was watching. "Side quest, remember?"

Tobio just pushes him with his foot on the leg and on reflex, Tsukishima doesn't hesitate to kick back.

Oddly enough, between the two of them, slowly but surely, they started having some sort of dynamic at the start of their second year, which was quickly noticed by the people around them, especially the Karasuno team who had to adjust themselves to get used to their insults now transforming into the usual bickering.

Even the two of them didn't know how it had started. One day, the other just started not being that much of an irritation inside the court, until it gradually included their time outside of practice and school as well. Perhaps it's the study sessions that Tsukishima always seemed to get pulled into and more-or-less, him and Tobio are the ones left alone, with Shoyo taking a long path home and Tobio having nothing else to do, and so he frequents in the Tsukishima household after those study sessions.

Yamaguchi lives close by but he always seemed to be doing something that has him not having the choice to stay with Tobio. One day, Tobio questions Tsukishima about it and all he had was a disgruntled emotion in his face that Tobio didn't get. In the end, Tsukishima slightly grimaced as he covered half of his face before simply tapping Tobio's head with his pen as a mere ploy for annoyance and it worked, leaving Tobio not dwelling on Yamaguchi's deal any longer.

Yachi always goes home early for dinner with her mother, but she's also the type to set a curfew for herself because her mother doesn't establish her worry out in the open frequently and so Tobio is left to deal with salt humanified beside him more than what he had imagined would be possible since their unpleasant first meeting.

Perhaps it's the quick ease they settle into when it comes to insulting each other because they now know that the other doesn't mean any harm unless it goes too far, but those are not as frequent as they were back in their first year. And, though Tobio will never admit it to Tsukishima's infuriating face, him and Tsukishima actually, kind of, works, one way or another. He doesn't deny that it's strange, but they know each other enough now to form an invisible pact to not go too far with each other anymore.

"Yeah, but Amaki's still way too much of an idiot for them to end up together at the end of this episode." Tobio snorts.

"Don't be stupid, King, this is not like one of those korean dramas where it's already 14 episodes in and they've only just held hands." Tsukishima gives him a judging glance before taking another sip of his pineapple ade. "Besides, Ryo is a stuck-up and he'd definitely want to confess first before Haru. Haru's still the main lead."

"Wasn't it already established that Amaki's gonna end up with Ryo first before Haru until the timeskip? It's like setting, you have to think of the speed of the toss first-"

"Oh my fucking god, don't even try and start another one of your volleyball tangents."

Tobio just huffs before looking away, ignoring the grimace in Tsukishima's face so he can fight the laugh bubbling in his throat.

For now, their usual arguments when it comes to japanese dramas have started for some reason, and Tsukishima always spites him when he tries to understand the plot with volleyball-related point of view's. At some point, Tobio now only does it just to spite him back.

Their back and forth is cut off when the doorbell rings after a long time and they look at each other for a moment, Tsukishima raising a brow and Tobio shrugging, clueless. He gets up from the couch, notices that it's already been a couple of hours since Tsukishima had stayed from the clock on the wall, and the next thing he realized is that technically, this is the first time Tsukishima had been in his house for the first time, excluding the time Yachi and the others surprised him in front of their doorstep in his birthday with a cake at exactly midnight sharp.

Tobio didn't have the chance to dwell on it much longer when he opens the door, and sees the familiar pink locks of Shun before the man himself.

"Shun-san."

"Hey, Tobio." Immediately from seeing him, Shun smiles before stepping in with ease as Tobio steps away for him. "Just here to take something that Miwa wants me to bring for her." The older male walks into the hallway, then he notices Tsukishima sitting on the couch who'd already been looking at him. "Ah, it's you." Shun gives the blonde his easy smile, "I see you've enjoyed the drinks I bought."

"Ah, Shun-san, thank you for the drinks." Tobio bows his head a little, always feeling that he should be polite to the older male whenever they meet.

Shun just chuckles and softly shakes his hand around the air. "It's fine, it's fine. Get used to it, because I'm never stopping."

Tobio gives him a look of gratitude from the side and Shun grins before ruffling his hair. "I'll be quick." He walks to the hallways leading to Miwa's small office at the center of it and Tobio watched his figure for a moment before turning back to Tsukishima who had been steadily watching the interaction and the raven raises a brow.

"What's that look for?"

"What look." Tsukishima deadpans, acting clueless.

Tobio gives him a look of his own as he sits back down to the chair. "You're acting weird."

"I see you're finally reading expressions easily nowadays."

His sarcastic tone sounds strange for Tobio, making him frown and his brows furrow trying to figure out as to what's wrong with it, but Tsukishima continues to face the TV and so Tobio is left muttering to himself before finally relaxing in his seat.

It's not long before Shun emerges from the hallway with a box held by his hands that has a print of a brand of hair products on it. Tobio stands up again to say goodbye. "Ah, Shun-san-"

"It's fine, it's not that heavy, surprisingly." Shun smiles at Tobio when the younger holds out his arms to help. Shun can hold it with one hand in ease as he gestures with the other, making Tobio reluctantly nod.

He follows Shun to the genkan and opens the door for him where Shun was about to retort, but the familiar politeness of the younger male makes him smile exasperatedly but adoringly as it always does. "Take care of yourself, will you? I know Miwa doesn't show it well, but she does care." Shun lightly sighs.

"I will, Shun-san." Tobio merely nods, which makes Shun shake his head with a soft look on his face once again before ruffling Tobio's hair with the ease of their height difference.

"Bye-bye." Shun waves at him with an easy smile one last time, and Tobio returns it with a small wave of his own before he closes the door.

Tobio turns from it only for him to be surprised to see Tsukishima behind the kitchen counter, unpacking a can of beer from the plastic bag which Tobio only now noticed. He questions to himself why Shun would willingly gift it to him when he knows Tobio doesn't drink but ah, now he's not the one drinking it so Tobio just shrugs it off anyway.

He notices the tension in Tsukishima's shoulders with the way he stands. He's just looking at the wooden counter with a faraway look in his eyes. Tobio frowns, now sitting in one of the chairs in front of the counter. "Seriously, what's wrong with you? Did Toma dying actually affect you that bad?"

For a while, Tobio doesn't receive a reply, deepening his frown. He couldn't quite restrain himself from finally flicking Tsukishima's exposed forehead with his fingers and it's left successful from not only snapping the blonde out of it, but also gaining a glare from him. "Fucking-"

Tobio only raises a brow at this. "What?" He says, daring Tsukishima to do something.

Tsukishima continues to give him an irritated look for a few moments before sighing, swiftly gliding his glasses back to the center of his nose with his middle finger. He looks away, fingertips slightly playing with the beer can it's wrapped around. "Nothing."

"Uh huh..." Tobio says, not convinced.

His tone makes Tsukishima look him up and down in judgement before releasing a breath. "You..." Tsukishima starts.

Tobio waits for the continuation, but only the murmur of the TV and the muted horn of a car passing by is what envelops the silence between them, making Tobio feel puzzled. "Me...?"

Tight-lipped, Tsukishima turns to him, giving Tobio another one of his weird expressions similar to the one he had last time, then the blonde turns away, looking at anything except him.

It slightly makes Tobio want to scoff, how weird the blonde was acting. But before he could speak again, his phone buzzes from his pocket and he opens it, seeing a new email from Shun. He quickly replies back with another form of gratitude which Shun only replies with the ease he always had.

Moriyama Shun-san

wwwwww

tobio has always been like a little brother to me as well, you know

one day, i'm sending you a whole box of all of those ade flavors

just tell me when you want them delivered ! ! ! !

Tobio's eyes slightly widens before quickly typing a refusal, not before he hears a scoff from in front of him, and he settles his attention to Tsukishima who had another strange look on his face.

"What?" Patience thinning, Tobio grunts.

"Nothing." Tsukishima's brow twitches before he looks away and drinks from his can.

Tobio rolls his eyes before continuing his message to Shun which the older male sends another batch of "w"'s and "it's okay"'s to that Tobio frowns at.

"You seem close."

Tobio looks up again, only to see Tsukishima turned away from him, his hand still resting on the counter to stable himself. Tobio doesn't quite get what Tsukishima was saying at first before he sent his last message to Shun and closed his phone, laying it on the wooden surface. "Shun-san?"

Tobio hums, actually considering it, looking up at the ceiling, and so he doesn't see how Tsukishima finally turns back to him, watching as he contemplates. "He's friends with nee-san. I wouldn't say we're close but..." His brows furrow, not knowing how to word it. "He's... kind to me. He asks me about volleyball once in a while and tries to understand even if he doesn't play. He's.." He finally looks up, locking eyes with Tsukishima who now has a solemn look in his eyes. "He's like.. Suga-san. He takes care of me." Tobio ends, simply and satisfied.

Tsukishima was silent for a moment, watching water drip down his beer can's surface before simply humming.

It makes Tobio feel strange again, not used to a Tsukishima that... that was this weird. He'd always know that it will always be difficult to fully figure out Tsukishima but the mood that the middle blocker had been having since Shun arrived scratched something inside Tobio, wanting to understand why the other was acting that way but not knowing where to start.

Another frown settles in Tobio's lips, "Hey, seriously, what's wrong with you?"

"Hah... what's wrong with me?" Tsukishima emptily chuckles. "Shit if I know."

It leaves Tobio feeling more confused and honestly, slightly.. frustrated. He doesn't know why he wants to know the reason why Tsukishima is acting weird in the first place. Last time Tobio checked, he would just brush it off with Tsukishima being the usual Tsukishima but this... Tobio couldn't quite shrug off the tight feeling in his chest at the thought of leaving Tsukishima alone just like that.

"Why are you being so difficult?"

"I'm not being difficult. I'm-" Tsukishima sighs, before pulling out a hand to mess his bangs out of the way, seeming frustrated. "Forget it."

"No. You're acting weird. Tell me."

"I said forget it."

"It's a different kind of weird, damn it."

"Kageyama...!"

The sudden rise of Tsukishima's voice leaves Tobio slightly wide-eyed, letting Tsukishima watch his stunned stance turn closed-off by the second.

Noticing, Tsukishima seems to grit his teeth, before massaging his forehead with his hand, closing his eyes followed by a wind-up sigh.

Watching Tsukishima unfold right in front of him, the weird feeling in Tobio's chest tightens even more and he opens his mouth around an awkward apology for pushing Tsukishima to his limits when he feels something rest on his head.

The weight stuns Tobio for a good while that he doesn't realize what it was at first, but as he slowly raised his eyes, he sees the white bracelet wrapped around Tsukishima which they all have from when they visited a temple together for the new years a few months ago. It doesn't quite reach Tobio's face for the strands in its edges to tickle his nose, but it leaves his skin with strange warmth, and Tobio doesn't know why it's strange in the first place.

Doesn't know why Tsukishima's hand is laid on top of his hair, why it starts to slowly play with it after the moments Tobio missed to say something. The movement makes Tobio feel choked up with something, and he inhales as his eyes ventures somewhere. Somewhere turned out to be Tsukishima covering half of his face as he stares at Tobio, looking pink at the edges.

And when they stare at each other far too long, Tobio holding his breath, and Tsukishima with his glasses turning crooked because of his knuckles on the way, Tsukishima is the first to look away, seeming redder than before.

All air seemed to get punched out of Tobio's lungs when Tsukishima's hand messily ruffles his locks that made Tobio duck his head from the weight, letting Tsukishima do what he was doing even if Tobio clearly couldn't understand whatㅡjust that Tsukishima is playing with his hair and it feels different compared to when Suga does it, or when Shun curls them with his fingertips with every chance he gets. It's definitely vastly different from Oikawa's way of handling his hair because it's not- it's not this soft, leaving his stomach in knots, and he sure wasn't the one drinking beer between him and Tsukishima.

At one point, Tobio makes a scrunched-up sound, not knowing when his eyes started to close themselves, then suddenly, Tsukishima's hand is pulling away and as with everything outside of anything, Tobio finds difficulty in things and he's easily confused by things that aren't familiar or strange to him, and the impulse of his hand that reached back for Tsukishima's palm is left as one of his strange impulses.

He watches the way Tsukishima finally lets go of his own face, lips parting in surprise because of him, but Tsukishima doesn't pull away from his hand, doesn't break away from the hazy stare Tobio sends his way, even if his hand twitches from its confinement, even if Tobio himself didn't know he was making some kind of look.

"King?" Tsukishima, seeming breathless as if he had ran a whole marathon.

There, he doesn't know it, just as he feels as if he'll never fully know Tsukishima, Tobio has another thing he doesn't understand, doesn't understand why Tsukishima is looking at him the same way he'd seen Haru look at Amaki at the final episode of "And So I Fall" when Amaki merely looked back at Haru with a grin. With the way Haru looked, it was as if Amaki hung the stars and it was all for Haru and for him only.

What Tobio does understand is the he has the urge to tighten his hold around Tsukishima's wrist, and so he does, continues watching Tsukishima as his breath hitched, lips quivering in an unfamiliar way. Another strange impulse of Tobio appears when his mind murmurs to him to lay his thumb on those lips' surface so it can go back to Tsukishima's familiar snicker instead of its wobbly form cracking around nervousness.

"Tobio, where are- oh my."

Everything seemed to shatter into pieces and Tobio jumps from where he was seated, dropping Tsukishima's hands as he faces the direction of the genkan only to see Shun with his own surprised expression.

Tobio stiffly stands and walks up to him. "Shun-san."

Shan's face is pulled into a sheepish but seemingly knowing glint. "Ah, did I.. interrupt something?" He looks between Tobio and Tsukishima with wonder.

Tobio still feels winded, strangely enough, but he turns into autopilot and says, "You- you didn't. Did you forget something, Shun-san?"

Shun hums, still considering the scene that he had seemingly interrupted before plastering an easy smile. "My work is actually finished already and I told Miwa-chan I'd be cooking dinner for you. She'll follow soon enough."

"Ah... I see." Tobio slowly nods. He's familiar with Miwa not having the time to join him for dinner these couple of months so the news leaves him settled, and he already sees the catching up that Miwa would be doing later that night.

"I'm leaving."

The sound of Tsukishima's voice makes Tobio freeze for a moment, forgetting he was there, but he didn't have time to react and fully turn to where Tsukishima was just a few moments ago before the blonde is already walking past him and swiftly tying the shoes he was wearing.

"Already?" Tobio hears himself say, before he catches himself.

But it was too late to take back when Tsukishima looks up at him, a complicated shadow clouding his face before he nodded. Done with his shoes, Tsukishima stands up in his full height and turns to Shun, much to the older male's additional surprise, "I'll be off. Thank you."

Brushing off his surprise, Shun smiles, "It's no bother."

Tsukishima gives him a small nod before turning to Tobio who suddenly had the urge to play with his fingers in frustration. Tsukishima gives him a small wave along the tilt of his head with a slight edge of mirth around it before turning away and exiting the apartment, not waiting for Tobio's response.

"Ah-" Tobio's hand reaches out in reflex but the soft closing of the door echoes in his ear and he is once again left in his place with a confusing frustration twisting his chest.

A whistle from beside him pulls him away for a little bit, sees Shun leaning on the edge of the genkan's wall connected to the one leading to the hallway with his arms crossed. His usual smile curves his lips but Tobio senses something different from them, and he's left sputtering at Shun's following words, "You know, I'm surprised. I didn't think you like those types of people but you're pretty surprising yourself, Tobio. Still, don't you think as your self-declared nii-san, you'd introduce me to your partner instead of pretending you're just friends?"

"Wha-wha... WHAT!? No, it's- you're absolutely wrong, Shun-san...! Tsukishima is-"

"So his name is Tsukishima?" Shun hums, nodding to himself as he ignores Tobio's yells of denial. "Ah, that'd make your name sound awkward one day. Though, Tsukishima Tobio kind of has a nice ring to it, right?"

"Tsukishima Tobio- I AM NOT MARRYING HIM!!!!!??? We're not d-d-dating..!!! Shun-san, you're completely mistaken...!" At that point, Tobio resembled a tomato more than a blueberry which he had been compared to by Shun from time to time. Forget the heat he felt when Tsukishima was still here, Shun's ridiculousness made him feel lightheaded.

Shun laughs wholeheartedly at his state. "Wow, this is amazing. Not once did I ever see you this red! It's genuine astonishment, even from me!"

"Shun-san...!!!!!!"

Tobio was on the brink of exploding into smithereens.

Even as the night settles upon the apartment, Shun doesn't stop from his continuous teasing that left Tobio wearing earphones to finally mute out his voice out which only made Shun laugh even more until Miwa comes home to a silent Tobio faceplanting on the dining table, Shun chuckling at him in between his bites.

"What did you do to my baby brother, you idiot." Miwa raises a brow as she joins them.

"Nothing!" Shun plays innocent, still grinning.

And as the hours close to midnights comes closer and closer with every quickening thump of his heart, Tobio sits on his bed, resting his back to the wall beside it with only his lamp from his desk giving light to his room. Once again, his confusion from earlier still leaves him confused until nowㅡconfused at his reaction and confused by Tsukishima all over again.

Absentmindedly, Tobio's hand on top of his knees reaches up to his hair and he starts playing with it using his fingers, seeing another sight of Tsukishima with his scarlet of a face covered by his hand and the other on his locks as Tobio zones out staring at the empty corner of his room. When he realizes what he was doing, Tobio's lips thin out and he can't help but bite them in frustration as he now fully rests his head on his knees, covering his warming face from an audience of none.

"Damn it, Tsukishima..."

Tobio mutters to himself, before it turns into a full-on groan as he thumps his head back to the wall with eyes closed.

"King?" Tsukishima, seeming breathless as if he had ran a whole marathon.

Tobio covers his reddening face in the dark with the back of his hand, letting out a strangled sound which he doesn't know the meaning of.

All he knows is that that damn nickname that was once was a wretched insult thrown at him had never sounded so... so right until it was Tsukishima who had said it with that strange timbre of his voice.

Now is when Tobio wonders when did Tsukishima start calling him that with no hint of malice.

Because all he knows is that Tsukishima is one of those very few people who can still call him that, the same way he knows Tsukishima had always said it differently than everyone else.

All of it is all Tobio thinks about as he falls asleep with his hand close to his hair, searching for a different surface, one that is roughened up and trained by blocks and not sets.

if you'd like to support this fic on ao3 as well, here is the link to that ! <3

#tsukikage #jalosi tsukishima kei on the house #character study #developing friendship #developing relationship #it's both because this is them ha-ha #they're both bad at feelings idk man...#ah yes the homoeroticism of holding your friend(?)'s wrist #that has a question mark because tkkg's weird #they know they're friends and everyone knows they're friends but they don't say it out loud #now that deserves its own trademark #kagetsuki #kageyama tobio #tsukishima kei #original male character #he's there for the jealousy part tee-hee #haikyuu #i made up the dramas don't search them up lmao

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