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crushing-on-nico-di-angelo · 4 years

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Seven Nights in Cabin Thirteen

I’m inspired by another post I saw here that I didn’t wish to hijack lol, and OP deactivated or else I’d link their account here. credits to @the-ghost-king for the idea of a demigod therapy/Will being a past drug addict on this post. Yes this is a bad fic. It’s also my first fic ever. Please criticize if you see anything

Will never thought that he would ever appreciate his first monster attack. He was seven years old, and in hindsight his teacher probably only worked there to prey on young demigods (at least, that’s why he suspects the attack happened so early in his life compared to other demigods). But when Lee Fletcher sat him down 4 years later and told him that he was trans and would now be known as Lee instead of his birth name, Will knew that everything happened for a reason.

After many conversations with Lee about how he knew (gods bless that man’s patience) and with an older Athena camper who’s special interest dealt in psychology, Will realized the reason that he always felt disconnected from his mom and sisters in Austin was because he was like Lee. He was a boy.

Telling people wasn’t easy. Of course his older brother had to know; he was the one who introduced Will to this concept. Telling the rest of camp was as easy as telling Chiron, who told Dionysus, who always threatened to turn anyone into a dolphin if they talked shit about any trans kid. Telling his mom... that had to be the hardest part. How was he supposed to tell them? The only similarities they all had were that they were all musically inclined and that they were all girls.

Apparently, Will forgot that Naomi Solace was a musician. The music industry has more queers than an all girl’s school GSA. Her only questions were “Alright, what’s your name then, kiddo?” and “When do you want to set up an appointment with a therapist?” As for his siblings, well, let’s just say the oldest, Frankie, always knew. And it didn’t take long for seven-year-old Mickey to cut her doll-that-somehow-looked-exactly-like-Will’s hair and change his notes from high to low when she accompanied his singing on violin, as part of voice training.

Four years has passed since then and Will can hardly believe it. He’s stealth back at Austin because it’s just easier that way, but since a quarter of the camp knew him since he was seven, he figured there was no point; it isn’t like anyone treated him as though he wasn’t a man-- er, boy-- at camp anyways. So, life went on. He got his period for the first time during the Battle of Manhattan, that was no fun, but luckily Thalia was cool about it and made sure not to tell anyone. He started binding shortly afterwards, got a couple bruises hear and there. Kayla yelled at him for a week for that one, he remembers fondly. Discovered why it’s better to take off your contacts in the shower... that day isn’t such a fond memory. That was the first and last time he ever made himself bleed. Although, he will say that’s what sparked his interest in medicine and what made him the best doctor Camp Half Blood had seen in decades at the mere age of 15 years old. Life at camp was good, if a bit dull. He got used to the routine and the constant influx of damaged campers, the siblings and friends, and the always-perfect Texas Barbecue and Coke.

That is, until the War Between the Camps happened. Lou Ellen woke Will up before sundown that day and told him their plan. They were to hide in the tall grasses and wait for Camp Jupiter to show their ugly faces. Cecil had the genius idea to paint their faces and arms black so they’d blend into the night better, and Will supposes in the hubub of everything they forgot that his hair nearly (”nearly”) glows, even at night. Until Mr. Nico “I’m so smart, I nearly killed myself shadow travelling” di Angelo pointed it out. Whatever, it made sense at the time. They won the war against Gaea, not without sacrifice, and they finally, finally got past all the wars and destruction and health issues that they were able to just hang out and get to know each other as friends.

And boy, was their friendship amazing. Nico had the best taste in music from Will’s eyes, and that’s saying something because Will is a music snob. Nico could be a little stubborn at times, but that’s alright because so was Will (”Gods damn it, Nico, if you don’t take your medication right this second I will-” “You’ll what? Hm? You’ll force it down my throat? Last I checked that was abuse.”). They fit together so perfectly and became fast friends.

It wasn’t always sunshine and lollipops, though. What is, for a demigod? Will relapsed once and passed out right in front of Nico’s cabin. He was crashing from an exciting high that he hadn’t experienced in so long, and he felt so tired and ashamed of himself. Methamphetamine was a goddamned bitch, so while he was coming out of withdrawals, he made Nico promise not to let him leave the cabin for a week were simmering down. He had to make sure something like this never happened again. They Iris Messaged Chiron and explained the situation, and he understood. He made sure to contact the older son of Dionysus who had been Will’s therapist in the past and said what had happened and they agreed on a session for soon after Will got mostly over his cravings.

So now they had a week of downtime together. Awesome.

“Solace, do you need anything? Are you okay?” Nico asked towards the end of the first full day that withdrawals were over.

“I’m-- fuck. I’m fine. I swear.” He responded unconvincingly.

“That’s not what you said last night... no offense, but I’m not fully inclined to believe you when you look like shit.”

“It- It... it’s not something I’d like to talk about, if that’s alright. And... don’t tell Clarisse, please.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone, don’t worry. But I would like to know if this is going to be a common occ--” Before he could even finish asking, Will was already shaking his head and responding.

“One-time thing only, I promise. Gods, I’m sorry I showed up here at all.”

“Woah, buddy. That’s not what I was saying at all. You’re my best friend, I’m glad you came here.” Will almost couldn’t believe what Nico was saying. Then again, did Nico have very many friends? Nico himself certainly didn’t seem to think so. “In any case, you don’t have to explain what happened, or what led up to this, or anything like that. I don't need to know. What I do need you to do, however, is take a shower. I’m sorry to say so, but you smell like ass.”

“Yeah well, I’m…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. How do you explain to someone that he still wanted his drugs, and he didn’t want to leave the cabin because he knew he would leave to go find some before he would even think about going to his own cabin at this point.

“You don’t have to leave,” Nico said, perhaps sensing his agitation. “I have a shower in the cabin.”

“What the fuck do you mean you have a shower in the cabin?” The shock of this knowledge get him out of his stuck mind. “How did you get plumbing in here? How did Chiron allow this?”

“I helped design my cabin, and while I may not have all the experience in architecture that Annabeth does, I do know a thing or two. I did meet with Isambard Kingdom Brunel, you know.”

“I did not know. You- Who is Isambard Kingdom Brunel?” Will asked

“Oh, some civil engineer who is like a million years old.” Will scoffed at that.

“You’re one to talk,” he teased. He was never going to let go of the fact that Nico was technically like 80 years old.

“Oh hush, William.” William… never Will, like most people. William… like he was something special, something that deserved three syllables. “Anyways, like I was saying: take a shower. You look like you were up mowing all of camp with a flashlight.”

Knowing Will’s reaction to drugs, that wasn’t unlikely. He stood up. “Lead the way? I’ve never been around your cabin before.”

Nico’s cabin was unlike any others. Using some sort of Doctor Who-like technology, there was a living room, a kitchen, and one room. Surprisingly, the walls were all light or pastel, a stark contrast from Nico’s general (and unintentional) punk-rock appearance. However, the furniture was all a deep black. Nico led him to his room, a minimalistic one with a bed, a desk, and a lamp. Will wondered where all the personalization was, but made no comment.

“Here’s the shower,” Nico pointed to yet another room in this somehow huge cabin. “If you see something amiss or odd… ignore it.” Will didn’t want to think of the implications of that sentence.

He stepped in the shower and oh my gods, watching the dirt and grime wash off him after his 8 hour high-- which he did not want to think about (and not just because the author doesn’t want to taint his search history), it was too embarrassing-- was a wonderful feeling. He was still tired. He didn’t know why, it didn’t used to be this hard. However, he was pretty sure that he tried to clean the entire outside of the hypnos cabin before going over to the Hades cabin to do the same. This was the first and last time Will would ever thank the gods for Nico’s poor sleeping patterns, he had heard him outside and came to get him before he tired himself out more.

He nearly passed out in the shower again but managed to make it out. He looked around the well-stocked bathroom and realized something that he probably should have bothered to notice before: he didn’t have any clothes with him. Fuck. He wrapped a (black) towel around his chest because he didn’t think his body could take anymore binding and prayed to Dionysus that Nico didn’t notice that his chest wasn’t exactly male.

Luckily, the first thing Nico did say was “Is that a tattoo?”

Will looked down at his sun. “Yeah, it is,” he smiled. He remembered the night he did it, it was kind of hard. He ordered a tattoo gun off amazon and had Frankie do it for him shortly after the Battle of Manhattan. Some people might think it’s in honor of his dad, which is fine. It was really for Lee Fletcher, though. His mom totally freaked, for a really long time, but after his C-PTSD diagnoses she realized that whatever works for him works as long as it isn’t drugs or self harm. He knows she wants a future for him that doesn’t involve music, and that’s why she freaked. She thought it would ruin his chances. But it’s right on his shoulder, only visible in tank tops or no shirt.

"It… its to honor the man who taught me I could be myself." Will said after a small pause.

"That's a very lovely sentiment. If he made that much of an impact on you, he must be a very cool person."

"He was." Will knew that Nico heard the was by the way that Nico nodded solemnly. "I uh… I don't wish to be more of a bother, but do you mind if I go to bed now? That shower really helped."

"Yeah, of course. I can take the couch, you know where my bed is-"

"No, absolutely not." Nico sighed softly, as though he expected this. "I can sleep on the couch, in Austin I actually prefer it to my bed."

"That's-- no offense William, but that's weird."

"It feels less lonely to me," Will protested, then let out a huge yawn.

"Alright cowboy-" Will smiled at Nico's nickname for him "-get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Nighty night, Neeks. Love you." he didn't miss the small smile on Nico's face before he walked away. Will has always been very loose with his 'I love you's like that. He figured it's better to say it too much than not enough.

He had found his old stash the night before, the one that Clovis had helped him forget about. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about last nights events. At the time,he told himself that he shouldn't do anything with it, and put it out of his mind for about a week, but eventually his urge to smoke overcame his self-control. He went on a rampage of cleaning and was absolutely certain he looked like a madman. The worst part is, he didn't even know why he did it. It was as though his rehabilitation hadn't even happened, as though this was something that was as natural as getting a cup of coffee in the morning. He was so mad at himself, so embarrassed.

These thoughts occupied his mind until he fell asleep about an hour after his last words to Nico. He slept with no dreams, for the first time in about a month.

word count: 2,245

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pluto-art · 4 years

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Syncytium - Chapter 3

Title: Syncytium - Chapter 3 - Sodium Bicarbonate Words: 7,115 Rating: T

Fan Fiction: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13712482/3/Syncytium

As always, I recommend the fan fiction version, which includes all italics. Other than that, enjoy the full story below the cut!

September 16th, 1993 - 11:48 PM

Two little feet raced pitter-patter down a chatter-filled hallway in A.C.M.E. Arts & Sciences, its occupant laden with pen and petition, eagerly calling out to any hapless individual that came her way as that ever-present tam-o-shanter bounced atop her head.

"Signatures! Come put down your signatures! Sign the petition! Bring baseball back to A.C.M.E.!" Olivia called out, her little jingle ringing in its thick Scottish accent down the corridor and bouncing off the walls. "Baseball for all! Hear you shout! Let them know or we'll strike out!"

Like a fuzzy brown bullet she shot through the school, passing students and teachers, janitors and gym instructors, nearly running into the wall on two occasions, and receiving a sharp reprimand of "Watch it!" or "Land sakes!" from those whose book pages and scarves she ruffled on her flight down the hallways.

"Let your voice be heard! Put your name down! Have a- OOF!"

Olivia gasped as she landed on the hard, linoleum floor, having been knocked back by something tall and firm. She shook her head and looked up... and up... and up, into the stern face of Basil, teacher of Advanced Science and Deduction. Even for a mouse he was rather lanky, towering above Globetrotter and practically a giant to Olivia. The only other mouse in the school who reached his height was Pinky. He glared at her, one eyebrow cocked in silent judgement as he peered down from above, a great slab of papers cradled snugly against his side.

"Oh...," Olivia mumbled, gulping as she quickly stood up, face scrunching, and shook off her clothes, her little tam-o-shanter and petition laying very sorrowfully at her feet.

Basil sighed.

"Young lady," he began, bending down to pick up her hat and place it securely back on her head. "This is the third time this week we've met under unnecessarily chaotic circumstances and it's become... rather an interference in my daily schedule. Would you kindly keep harnessed certain frivolities at play, Miss Flabbergast?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Basil," Olivia muttered shyly, and not unkindly. "I'll be more careful."

She picked her clipboard with petition up off the floor, a little embarrassed.

"Sign my petition...?" she ventured, holding up the paper for Basil to see. He bent down to get a closer look at it.

"What's this for?" he asked.

"It's for a baseball stadium!"

"Baseball stadium?"

"Yes!" Olivia said, nodding excitedly. "So we can get sports back to the school!"

"Sports?" Basil nipped, practically spitting out the word as though it was a nasty slur. "Miss Flim-Flam, the last thing this university of science and culture needs is a bunch of dimwitted degenerates galloping about chasing after a ball. You'd do better to abandon the whole matter, in my opinion."

Olivia hung her head.

"But I doubt it will amount to anything," he continued, picking lint off his cardigan in a snooty fashion. "The most you could hope for is ten signatures, at least. Continue on your hapless venture if you must."

"Really?!"

"Yeeees yes yes. Now, run along."

"Thank you, Mr. Basil! I'll get more than ten. You'll see!"

"Jolly good," Basil replied curtly, sarcastically, pausing to flick a piece of dirt off Olivia's jacket. "Good day to you."

Olivia watched him as he went, his long shoes snapping click, click, click against the floor. She drew out a long breath of utter relief. Basil was fairer than Globetrotter. Anyone was fairer than Globetrotter. However, he still could get a bit cross when rubbed the wrong way, and it certainly wasn't the first time she'd gotten on his irritable side. She'd have to be more careful.

And so, as she continued her trek down the school hallways, calling out as she went (a bit more quietly this time), she jogged rather than sprinted, slipping between passerby with an "Excuse me" or "Pardon" and taking extra precaution not to bump into any more teachers, especially Globetrotter...

"Petition! Come you all and sign! Redefine!"

Maisy tossed Olivia an annoyed glance as she ran past, huffing a little and flipping back her hair as she dug through her locker.

"Since when did the principle allow kids to run around the school? I didn't think he'd be cool with that," she muttered.

Next to her, a chocolate-furred mouse leaned against his adjacent locker, deep in silent conversation as he texted rapidly on his phone.

"Why do you care?" he asked, not looking up at her.

"I dunno. It's just... This is like... a high-profile university, right? There shouldn't be any kids."

"We're kids."

"Um... Excuse me. I'm like... nineteen."

"Yeah. That's young, Maisy."

"Whatever," she spat, flicking her hair back again as she found what she was looking for: a red pencil with yellow flower print slapped all over it.

"Olivia is Flaversham's daughter," Gadget spoke from across the hall at her own locker, snapping her bulbous goggles atop her head as a matter-of-fact. "Everyone knows that." Tillie nodded next to her.

"Okay, but, like...," Maisy continued, pulling out a journal and tucking it under her arm, "... he works. When does he have time to watch her? He just lets her run around the school?"

"Well, isn't Mrs. Judson her nanny?" Tillie offered helpfully, albeit rather quietly. "I think that-"

Several students sprinted by. Tillie paused to let them pass before continuing.

"I think that she watches her in the nurse's office most of the day and lets her run errands."

"Yeah, but-," Maisy began, before being cut off herself as another batch of students trundled by, and then another. "But that doesn't give her leave to just-" More students. "To just run around whenever she-" Even more students. By this point, she could barely even see Gadget and Tillie. "Oh my gosh! I hate not having neighboring lockers!"

"It's lunchtime, Maisy," the male mouse said beside her, closing his phone with a sharp snap. "We should get going."

"Ugh. Fine. I'm starving anyway."

And so off they went, quartet heading for the cafeteria at the prompt hour of 12:00 PM, taking care not to bump into anyone as they entered the huge room.

Unlike the rest of the school, this area was terribly outdated. Or, rather, it had none of the classiness that the majority of the facility offered. Far from being dressed up in a mahogany coat, with comfortable seating, double-pane windows, and classical music that pumped itself like oxygen through the more casual areas of the building, the cafeteria resembled nothing less than something vomited out of an 80s shopping mall. The blue and purple paneling; the flashing neon food signs; the Whitney Houston music trapped perpetually within the speakers. It had it all. Students called it "The Flashback" or "The Blot", depending on who you talked to. The space had been heavily renovated a decade ago in an attempt to reflect the aesthetic at the time, and if the principal in office hadn't been ousted at the time for his radical ways the facility may very well have looked quite different by this point. As it stood, the cafeteria was an eye sore for some, a breath of fresh air for others, and it was a popular spot in which to congregate. If nothing else, the music was a relief. There was only so much Chopin one could take.

Chatter filled the dining area as the quartet entered. Already the tables were filling up, the smell of pizza and dumplings heavy in the air. Once upon a time, the food had reflected the decor: posh, healthy, and expensive. And then, of course, the cafeteria had been renovated, and with it the menu. No one had ever bothered to change the hot dogs back to ham; the grilled cheese back to caviar. Lemon sherbet tasted much better than shitake, and the students liked it that way.

"Think they're gonna have the jelly sauce again today?" Gadget asked, standing up on tip-toe to peer over at the food counter.

"Ew. Gosh. I hope not. That stuff is gro- HO MY GOSH," gasped Maisy.

"What?" Gadget asked, looking around, eyes wide. She hoped another wasp hadn't broken into the cafeteria again. Two had welcomed themselves in in the last week and she didn't think she could handle the stress another day.

"He's here," Maisy stressed, clutching at her heart and grabbing hold of Gadget's shoulder rather tightly.

Tillie and Gadget followed her gaze all the way across the floor to the food bar. There stood Pinky, dressed today in lab pants and a blue and gray striped shirt whose sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. Had it not been for the ridiculously long white lab pants that spilled over his shoes, Gadget thought he might have looked rather fetching. As it stood, though, he didn't. Maisy thought otherwise.

"Ugh. He's so hot."

"So hot he melts your brains?" the male mouse quipped, back to texting on his phone.

Maisy shot him a nasty look. Tillie didn't even notice.

"Wow. Clam chowder special," she mused, completely serious as she stared, astonished, at the counter.

"You're focusing on the food?!" Maisy exclaimed, flabbergasted. Tillie remained oblivious.

"Oh, I hope Mrs. Brisby isn't too early today. I rather like lunch break...," Tillie mused, loosening her shawl a little.

"But you also like her classes," said Gadget, smiling.

"I do. They're fun."

"Learning about weeds is fun?" asked Maisy.

"Agriculture is more interesting than you think it would be! You should try it sometime. It's fun!"

"Tillie, the only fun thing about this school is the lunch break."

The dark-furred he mouse with them rolled his eyes, his hands in his pockets.

"Seriously, Maisy? Not even the Chemistry class is interesting?" he mentioned, incredulous.

"Okay, well, that is a little bit interesting..."

The he mouse sighed.

"You're incredible. Our parents are paying good money for this school. You should be grateful. Come on. Let's stake a seat."

A few tables down, a gaggle of mice, moles, and a rat or two sat, chattering loudly. One of them, a black-haired mouse in a frilly, once-piece dress, sash around the middle and dark hair tied up in a bun, stood up in her chair and waved in their direction.

"Maaaaaaisy, girl! Come on! We've been waiting for you!"

"GIIIIRL! I was just about to ditch these losers! Gimme a sec!" Maisy called back, beaming. "Sorry, guys. I gotta go."

"Wha-..? But I thought we were gonna-" the male mouse began, taken aback.

"Sorry, Dex. I forgot I'd promised Marvell I'd be here at noon. We'll catch up later, I promise. Okay?"

"Yeah. Sure...," Dex shrugged dejectedly.

"Thanks, Dex. Bye, y'all!" said Maisy, and she ran off to join the loquacious group.

"Bye, loser!" Gadget joked back, shaking her head. "Airhead."

"Remind me why we hang out with her again?" Tillie asked, as the remaining three headed for the food bar.

Gadget shrugged.

"She's been my friend since middle school. I'd feel weird just ditching her."

"You wouldn't be missing much," Dex muttered, although there was a hesitancy in his voice.

Gadget threw him a sideways glance as she grabbed a tray, Tillie and Dex following suit.

"You know that's not true, Dex. She's a bit into herself, but you know she loves you."

Dex shrugged.

One by one, a steady line of students at the bar filed past the counter, picking off a box of salad here, a cup of macaroni there. Things reached a stand still at the chili bowl. Dex and Gadget stood up on tip-toe for a couple seconds, flattened back out on their feet, stared at each other, and rolled their eyes, sniggering. But of course...

The hold up, as per the norm, was Pip, one of the restaurant hands and the only chipmunk in the entire school. He was terribly chatty, not to mention contentious if you dared complain about any aspect of the food. Either something was wrong and he needed to comment on it, or someone he recognized as a friend had just crossed his path. Judging by the chipper tone of his voice, Gadget guessed it was the latter today.

"So what's with this petition? Lemme see that paper, sister!"

And he whipped from someone's hand a petite clipboard entrusted with several sheets of lined paper. He read through it quickly, nose almost touching the paper.

Gadget, Dex, and Tillie peered around the crowd ahead of them to see who had handed him the paper. Oh. Naturally.

There stood Olivia, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet as Pip perused her petition, a wide, expectant smile on her face. Was there no place she wouldn't invade?

"Hmmm," Pip mused, tapping his foot a mile a minute as his keen eyes roved over the paper one more time. "Weeeeeeell, I don't usually sign these things, buuuuut... baseball sounds like a worthy cause. Ya' got a pen?"

"Here you go!" Olivia squeaked happily, extracting from the inside of her coat pocket a blue pen and offering it to Pip. He took it swiftly and signed the petition just as fast.

"Just make sure you get me a position as umpire!" Pip said, handing her back the petition and pen.

"Oh, I will! Thank you!"

"Say, uhhhh... how many signatures you got on that thing so far?"

"Twenty-three!"

"Heeeeeey. That's not bad!"

"Come on, Pip!" a student piped up, brows furrowed.

"Yeah, we've got class!" a girl vole squeaked from behind the trio.

"All right, all right already! Sheesh!" Pip nipped back, rolling his eyes. "Hey. You keep gettin' those John Hancocks, okay?" he said, winking at Olivia.

"Um... Okay!"

And with that, she was off, not even bothering to grab an apple or a cracker, something that others cast glances at her for. Olivia passing up an opportunity to nab some food? She must mean business...

"She's so cute," Gadget mused, watching Olivia sprint around, on the hunt for more signatures, as she moved up a couple steps in line.

"Yeah," Dex said, arms folded. "She's a trip." Despite himself, he smiled after her. Little kids amused him sometimes, even if they could be a bit pesky underfoot.

As more students spilled into the cafeteria, fingers pointed, some quite shamelessly, in the direction of the food bar. Dex followed the invisible lines to a spot some paces behind them in line. But of course. They were all directed at the new teacher, Ronald Pinkus. The girls seemed particularly smitten, giggling and whispering and acting, in Dex's mind, perfectly idiotic. In fact, come to think of it, as he looked about the room, most of the girls were in deep conversation, their eyes trained on the same subject in the room, including Maisy's group. He shook his head. This was a university, not a middle school. Daftness came in all ages, he supposed.

"What?" Gadget queried, taking notice of the furrowed brow and the folded arms.

"Nothing," Dex muttered, shuffling forward a few paces as the line moved ahead. Both he and Gadget grabbed a plate of chocolate cake.

Gadget looked back at the new teacher and snickered.

"Don't let it get to you."

"She's just as bad as everyone else."

"Who? Maisy?"

"Yeah..."

Gadget shrugged.

"It's probably just a phase. Next week she'll fall for Basil again or someone."

Trays full, they set off to find a table. Tillie waved at them from a corner. They headed towards her.

"I dunno. I kinda...," Dex began, then stopped as they reached the table, sitting down with their trays. Tillie was already deep in her bowl of clam chowder.

"You what?" Gadget asked as she pulled her chair up.

"It's... whatever."

"What?"

Dex picked up his spoon, swirled it around in his own bowl of clam chowder, then set it down. Screw it. He grabbed his fork and dug into the chocolate cake instead.

"I miss when we used to hang out more."

"What are we talking about now?" Tillie asked, only half-interested.

No one said anything right away. Gadget picked at her sunflower seed salad for a minute, then spoke.

"You're her brother. She'll come back around eventually."

Dex shrugged again. He was about to shove another large piece of chocolate cake into his mouth when something lightly bumped his elbow. He turned and looked down. It was Olivia.

"Sign my petition?" she asked, her little whiskers upturned in a wide smile.

Dex couldn't help but mirror that infectious grin. In the distance, something... someone... caught his eye. It was Maisy. She frowned at him and shook her head. Dex frowned back. He took the clipboard and pen from Olivia's outstretched paws.

"You know what? Sure, kid. Baseball, right?"

"Uh-huh! We're going to have a mascot again, too! I hope..."

He handed her back the clipboard and pen and ruffled her hair, or, rather, the top of her tam-o-shanter.

"Break a leg, kid."

"Thank you!" she beamed, and off she went.

Dex smiled. In the background, Maisy shook her head. Dex snapped his fingers and winked, finger-gunning her. She rolled her eyes and went back to talking to her friends.

"Ugh. He's such a tease," complained Maisy to her company, twirling a strand of her long, golden hair as she sipped soda through a straw.

"He just cares about other people. Heck, I signed her petition," the black-furred mouse said. "How come you never hang out with your brother anymore? He's been lookin' kinda sad..."

"He's not even my real brother, Marvell. He's just my half-brother. You know that. Do we look like we're related?"

"But y'all used to be so close! What happened?"

Maisy shrugged.

"I dunno. We just... shifted."

"Don't you mean 'drifted'?" offered up a boy rat next to her.

"Whatever," Maisy shrugged. "Anyway, what do you guys think of him?" she smirked, jerking her head in the direction of Pinky still in line at the food bar.

All at the table turned their heads to look at him. He seemed to be picking out quite an odd assortment of foods: a hot dog, two cups of custard, and several pieces of cheese - just cheese. Every person that passed him a "hello" he greeted with a chipper "Good morning!", and his attitude towards the servers was polite and enthusiastic. Those around him couldn't seem to keep the smiles off their faces. Even the students generally known to be more reserved or stuck up couldn't help but throw him a curious glance. He was, for lack of a better term, "sunshine-y".

The boy rat popped several corn puffs in his mouth, his dry expression unchanged.

"He's kind of a twink, isn't he?"

Maisy slapped him on the shoulder playfully.

"He is not!"

"Dude. Come on..."

"He's not that young," Marvell said, filing her nails as another of their group, a white mouse in a red shirt and with a yellow sash tied about his neck, came and sat down beside her, a cup full of fizzy raspberry water tottering dangerously on the edge of his tray. "He is kinda cute, though..."

The white mouse set down his tray carefully... but not carefully enough. Slip went the cup, the mouse grabbing it before its contents could spill out entirely.

"AH!" Marvell yelped, jumping a little. "Stuart, that's the second time this week!"

"Oh, dear. I'm so sorry, Marvell!" the little mouse said, apologizing profusely as he skittered off towards the food bar. "I'll go get some napkins!"

"Awww, man. I just washed this," lamented Marvell, picking up a corner of her frilly blue frock, now tainted with fizz. "Well... At least it's just water. I can work with this, right? Looks kinda... sassy?"

The boy rat sat up, the better to look at Marvell's new fashion statement. The water had painted the rounded edges of one side of the dress. It could have passed for an interesting pattern if one squinted hard enough.

"Yeah, sure. You could pass it off as the new look," he suggested, smiling.

"Hm," Marvell replied, smirking as she sat back down, ringing out the dress edge.

Maisy didn't seem the least bit phased.

"I think he's kinda hot," she said, eyelashes fluttering as she sipped at her soda noisily.

"Hotter than Globetrotter?" sniggered the boy rat.

"Okay, Globetrotter's in his own league. Okay? I can never compete with that."

"Ummm...," Marvell mumbled, covering her mouth in a vain attempt to hide her embarrassed smile as she pointed to a figure behind Maisy's back.

"What?" Maisy asked, craning around slightly to look before swiftly turning back 'round in her seat again, shoulder hunched as she visibly blushed. "Oh my gosh," she whispered, burying her face in her hands.

The boy rat beside her could barely hide his laughter as Globetrotter walked past them, his nose deep in a very thick, very red, and very heavy-looking book. Had he actually been paying attention to their conversation Maisy might have had more reason to involuntarily add a bit of color to her cheeks. As it stood, however, he had not, and so continued towards the bar, oblivious to the fact that he was now fifth in line behind Pinky.

"That's astounding!" Pinky exclaimed, tray of food all but forgotten as he leaned across a glass awning in front of him, totally invested in Pip's latest story. "But... how were you able to keep the syrup layer from separating?"

"Oh, that's easy!" Pip replied, and on and on he went.

Two students ahead of Pinky peered back, interested. Others behind him simply chuckled... or tapped their foot impatiently. To Globetrotter it was complete gibberish. The culinary arts was a branch he rarely dabbled in unless absolutely necessary. Although I do make a mean rigatoni, he thought to himself before shaking his head disgustedly. Where the heck did that come from? He was supposed to be engulfed in Brownian Motion and Stochastic Calculus, but, as it stood, he found his attention inexplicably pulled towards a much... lesser subject. It was unfathomable how anyone could be so intrigued by such mundane topics as the properties of pancakes and how effectively one might prepare them, but the fanaticism with which his coworker now described it was almost... infectious. Nevertheless, Globetrotter frowned as he checked his watch. 12:18 PM. They were wasting precious time. He was wasting his precious time.

"Will you move along already!" he called out, voice peppered with vexation. "I've got class in twenty-seven minutes!"

"Oh! So sorry!" Pinky called back, paws quickly grabbing hold of his tray once more. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Pip. Good luck with your pancakes!"

"Same to you, my good man!" Pip squeaked back. "What a pleasant fellow," he muttered to himself, smiling as Pinky walked off towards the refreshments bar, laden with food.

Globetrotter huffed and moved forward, grabbing a single bowl of fruit and a cup of cottage cheese on his way down. As he passed the pasta section, he paused, reached out a hesitant paw towards a plate of spaghetti, then quickly snapped it back, sighing and frowning sadly as he moved on to the refreshments, grabbing a banana on his way over and angrily slapping it down on his tray.

He stopped beside Pinky, who was humming and pouring himself some English Breakfast tea. Globetrotter huffed again. Flavored water - a poor man's excuse for caffeine. How anyone could drink that stuff was beyond him. He went for the coffee, pulled down the carafe lever... and grumbled. Empty.

"Is there any place in this building that can afford a mouse a decent cup of coffee?!" he whined, popping his empty cup back onto the others.

"Oh, that's a shame there, isn't it? Have you tried the tea, Brain?" Pinky offered helpfully, as he popped a lid on his own steaming cup.

"I refuse to bow my knee to such a lowbrow form of refreshment," Globetrotter bit back, picking up his tray. "And it's Brian, you nincompoop."

"Well, how do you know you don't like it if you don't try it? Poit!" Pinky replied, unfazed by the retort.

"If I liked it I'd drink it. Good day to you."

And off he went, choosing a spot as far back in the room as possible, Pinky sadly watching him as he picked out a table devoid of occupants. Pinky looked back at the empty coffee cup, a light whimper escaping him as he stared at it dolefully. He turned back to focus on Globetrotter, who was once more lost in his big red book. Students who sat nearby gave him as wide of a berth as they could. Pinky's ears drooped. What a sad little man, he thought. But it wasn't long before they perked back up again. Why, yes. Of course! Beaming, he set his tray down at an occupied table ("Watch this for me, will you?"), and rushed out of the cafeteria, leaving several students at the table to stare after him, puzzled.

Flip. Globetrotter turned a page of his massive tome, popping a grape in his mouth and crunching down on it satisfactorily. Flip, flip, flip. He looked to his right. A girl mouse sat nearby, also buried in a book. A huge pink bow sat atop her head. He recognized her. She was one of his students. Teresa, her name was, if he recalled correctly. She was one of his brighter subjects, but struggled with the occasional mathematical theory. As it was, her nose practically brushed the pages of a book that Globetrotter recognized by sight alone: Calculus by Gilbert Strang. Teresa sighed deeply, her unironed brow effectively relaying her frustration. She looked up... and jumped a little as she noticed Globetrotter staring at her, a light pink almost the exact color of her bow kissing her cheeks. Globetrotter slowly ducked back into his own texts, his peripheral vision catching Teresa shifting her seat over a notch in embarrassment.

A paw reached out to grab for his coffee, and he looked up when it touched nothing. Right. No coffee... Sighing, he popped another grape in his mouth, biting into it rather harder than necessary. Nearby, at another table, several students whispered.

"Did you find out what he teaches?" a girl vole asked, her question laced with ardor.

"Yup. He teaches Trozology," replied a male rat next to her, a pair of thick headphones hung about his neck.

"What the heck is that?" voiced another female rodent at their table, a cream-furred mouse decked out in purple - purple shirt; purple pants; purple socks; purple everything.

"I dunno," the rat shrugged. "Sounds kinda cool, though."

Globetrotter frowned. His ears twitched as tinkling laughter echoed from another table beside him.

"I knooooooow. He's so cute!" chuckled a rosy pink-eared mouse. She spoke in a barely-contained whisper along with the rest of her group, all of which sported bulky backpacks laid out on their table and decorated with all sorts of patches, stickers, and keychains. "I hope I can get a spot in his class!"

"I think he still has slots open!" one of her friends, a field rat, spoke up. "As far as I know, though, no one's actually signed up."

"Whyyyyyy? He's adorable! I'm gonna sign up just so I can stare at that face every day," a girl hamster said.

"What if you don't even like the class?" the second friend spoiled. "Maybe it's a dud. And we don't really have time in our schedules for another course..."

They all paused sadly and contemplatively at this. Then the first girl perked up.

"Well, I guess we'll get him all to ourselves then. If no one else likes the class then we'll stay just for the teacher!"

"Yeah, until every other girl does the same thing. You know we're not the only ones with the hots for him," the hamster said, taking a swig from her soda bottle.

"Well, then I guess we'll just have to fight for him," smiled the rat nonchalantly as she picked at her nails.

"Fight for him?!" yelped the other girls, covering their mouths at their loudness. "Oh my gosh. Seriously?!"

"Yeah! Anyone who comes up, we'll tell 'em to meet us at the park at two. No knives. Just like... nail clippers and hair curlers or something..."

"No no! Wait! We tell them to meet us at the baseball stadium!" offered the hamster, soda pop forgotten.

"You mean the one Olivia's petitioning?" the girl mouse asked. "It's not even built yet!"

"Yeah, but when it is we can tell them to meet there!"

"Winner gets dibs. They get to call first date," said the rat.

"And the loser has to pay for the dinner tab."

"Yeah!"

"Oh my gosh, you guys are so funny," the mouse chuckled.

They all laughed gaily.

Globetrotter's frown deepened, his mouth hanging open, another grape suspended in mid-air. Was Pinkus really... that popular? He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the conversations now swimming about his consciousness, when yet another light exchange, a distant one this time, caught his ears.

"... thinking of actually dropping Globetrotter's class to take that Ronald guy's one. It's just as many credits. Probably way more fun."

Globetrotter gulped. He tried reading a sentence in his book, only to find that he kept gracing the same words over and over and over again. Blast it. He couldn't concentrate. He plopped the book down on the table and went to devouring his cottage cheese, all around him oblivious to the private war going on in his mind.

Why do you care what they think? They're kids. They're idiots.

Yes, and have you forgotten what happened when Basil came to the school two years ago? They went gah-gah over him, too.

They didn't all abandon my class!

Nooooo, but half of them did. And Basil taught a required course at the time. Same as yours. They all went for his. He was much more interesting than you.

That's neither here nor there! I'm still employed, aren't I? My class is still sought after.

For now, and only because it's required. This new guy is significantly more popular. What if his class becomes required? What if it's worse than before? What if you become... old hat?

"No!" Globetrotter yelled, out loud. Half the cafeteria paused to stare at him. He sunk in his seat a little. How embarrassing...

In mock resoluteness, he grabbed the book before him and went back to reading. But he was only truly pretending to read, the bright crimson covers a pathetic excuse for a hole in which the frightened mouse hid.

The truth was that, despite his behavior being anything but amicable, his notorious reputation in the school had garnered him something akin to a celebrity status over the years. The course was required, certainly, even though he wasn't the only teacher who taught it, but the struggle to survive the rigorous schedule and harsh grading system he doled out had become a flat out challenge to the students. How long could you last? Would you manage to nab the ever elusive 'A' during a semester? One pupil even became famous for handing out "I Survived Globetrotter's Class" t-shirts. They hated the teacher, but reveled in the challenge. It was something that Globetrotter became ironically comfortable with over the years. Being notorious was better than not being noticed at all. He couldn't abide the thought of being second fiddle; of falling into obscurity. He'd never had reason to be concerned about it for seventeen years, even during Basil's "reign", but now...? Now he had legitimate competition. In all his years at A.C.M.E. Arts & Sciences, he'd never known an instructor so heavily discussed, so quixotic, so beloved, even on the very first day of his employment. Pinky was new and different, in all the wrong ways to him, yet in all the right ways to the students. And it terrified him.

On a sudden whim, he whipped out a pen from his inside jacket pocket and wrote feverishly on a napkin in front of him. He didn't see the tall figure approach him.

"Hello, Brain!"

Globetrotter practically leapt out of his skin.

"AH! Wh-... You..! Don't... do that!" he remarked, hastily stuffing the napkin and pen back into his coat pocket. He clutched at his heart, taking deep breaths as he rested his head in his palm.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Brain!" poor Pinky replied, resting a hand on Globetrotter's back comfortingly. Globetrotter shrugged it off, literally.

"And don't touch me! I just... h-had this... p-pressed," Globetrotter snapped, still catching his breath. "Who knows where your... paws have... been..."

"Oh, well, they haven't been far, Brain. They're always at my side! Ha-ha!"

Globetrotter cocked an eyebrow up at him, speechless. There was no way anyone could be this inordinately stupid.

"Mind if I join you?" Pinky asked, all innocence, that perpetually sunny smile never leaving his face.

"As I matter, of fact, I-"

"Oh, thank you!" Pinky initiated, grabbing a chair and pulling it close up to Globetrotter. Too close for his comfort. Apparently, personal space was something of a foreign concept to this character. "You know, I don't usually eat in public. Don't want to miss The Brady Bunch, you know? Hm hm. But it's rather nice out here! I might come and sit with you more often."

Heaven forbid, Globetrotter thought, ears reddening.

"Would you kindly refrain from mentioning that abomination of a tv show in my presence? It sickens me. And I don't appreciate your unnaturally close proximity."

"Come again?" Pinky asked, cocking his head.

"Move," Globetrotter said, managing, with difficulty, to push Pinky and the chair he sat in over an inch.

"Well, you could have just asked," Pinky chuckled, still smiling. He complied, scooting his chair a couple more inches away from Brain.

"Thank you," bit Globetrotter, turning away from Pinky and directing his attention back to the giant tome in front of him. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like a little privacy."

"Oh, but, I came to give you something!" Pinky exclaimed, and Globetrotter, despite himself, shiftily looked over as the lanky mouse dug in his pants pocket for... something. "A-ha! Here ya' go!"

And he handed him... a teabag? No. Not a teabag. It was too big to be a teabag.

Globetrotter took it from him tentatively, two fingers holding it away from his body as if it might explode.

"What is it?"

"Chicory root! I just thought that, well, when you couldn't find any coffee it reminded me of my mum. She used to be a big coffee drinker, too. She stopped recently, but she still missed the taste. Chicory root tastes a lot like coffee, only better! M-Maybe you'd like it, too?" Pinky offered helpfully, a tinge of shyness peppering his smile.

Globetrotter looked up at Pinky, nonplussed... and a wee bit confused. No one ever gave him anything; not unless he directly asked for it. To be fair, no one was ever bold enough to even attempt to show him much kindness, seeing as the result was often times a sharp reply and a sinister glare. This newcomer obviously hadn't learned the rules yet.

"Teachers... don't usually give me gifts," Globetrotter admitted. "Not unless I ask for them." Nevertheless, he pocketed the chicory root.

"Perhaps that's because you don't ask nicely, Brain? People give you lots of things when you're nice to them!"

It wasn't so much the statement itself, but the boldness of its deliverance that took Globetrotter aback.

"Sooooo... you're saying... I should be nice... to get rewards?"

"Oh, no, Brain! That would be taking advantage! You should be nice to people, 'cause, well, it's nice! And then they're nice to you! Don't you like making people happy?"

"No."

"Not even a little bit?"

"No one has ever given me reason to."

"Well, maybe they would if you showed them a little smile!"

And he actually stuck two fingers up against Globetrotter's cheeks, pushing up on each side in an attempt to draw something close to a grin on his drooping face.

"Ohhhhhhh. There's that smile, Brain!"

"Would you get off?!" Globetrotter blasted, waving his arms around as he flung Pinky off of him. "I told you not to touch me!"

His cheeks and ears burned red at the sound of laughter nearby. Some of the students had been watching and were now drowning in a hushed fit of giggles. Naturally...

"You dimwit. If you're still sitting in that chair in five seconds, I shall personally have to harm you," threatened Globetrotter, cheeks reddening worse than ever as his paws balled into fists.

"Do I get a prize if I leave in four?" Pinky smirked.

"One..."

"Or maybe I'll get one if I stay longer! It pays to be persistent sometimes, Brain."

"Two..."

"You know, you're rather funny when your ears turn red. Nya-ha-ha!"

"FOUR...!"

"Going, Brain!"

And with that, he was off, picking his food up off his tray to take back to his room, giggling to himself and humming, of all things, "Camptown Races" as he headed for the doors. One of the teachers, a Dr. Dawson, smiled at Pinky as he walked past him. And Dr. Dawson... Oh, have mercy. Dr. Dawson started singing along with him.

"I say. I do recognize that tune, young man!" Dawson said, grinning warmly. "Camptown ladies sing this song! Doo-dah! Doo-dah!"

"Camptown race-track five miles long! Oh, doo-da day!" Pinky sung back, beaming.

Others joined in. Still others. Soon, almost the entire cafeteria, minus Globetrotter and a few stragglers, was decked out in song.

"Gwine to run all night! Gwine to run all day! Bet my money on the bob-tailed nag! Somebody bet on the bay!"

And with that, everyone burst out into hearty laughter, Pinky's wail the loudest of all. He and Dr. Dawson exchanged a friendly word or two, shook hands, and with that, Pinky departed, leaving a trail of chuckles behind.

Globetrotter blinked, his mouth hanging slightly open again. Whatever had happened was... terrifying. This bloke didn't just have an effect on the students, but on the whole school. Even the teachers were getting involved! It was official. This needed to end. He had to be stopped...

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Pinky was still humming "Camptown Races" all the way back to his classroom. He'd just reached the door when a little someone came pitter-pattering down the hallway after him.

"Mr. Pinky! Mr. Pinky!" she called, hat bobbing wildly up and down on her ruffled, furry head.

"Hello, Olivia!" Pinky said, grinning from ear to ear.

"That was amazing!" she gasped, panting. "Mrs. Judson said she could hear you from the nurses' office. She was singing with you!"

They both giggled at this.

"Well, tell Mrs. Judson that Mr. Pinky is glad she enjoyed the song!" Pinky said.

"Oh, I will! I will! By the way, umm... do you have any more classes planned?" Olivia asked, tucking her paws behind her and rocking back and forth, the pink cheeks only complementing her humble posture. She looked awfully cute.

"Hmmmmm. Will you be here tomorrow?"

"Is that a Friday?"

"I think so."

"Yes! Yes, I will!"

"2:00 PM sharp tomorrow, little lady," Pinky said, winking at her.

"2:00 PM sharp, Mr. Pinky!" Olivia repeated, saluting him. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

And off she trotted.

"Oh! Olivia!" Pinky called.

Olivia stopped and turned around, her mouth in a curious little 'o' shape. Pulling a hand out of his pocket, Pinky tossed her a bag of crisps. She caught it with a trained paw.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed, popping open the bag and tossing a chip in her mouth as she ran off and around a corner.

"Olivia!" Pinky called again, a hand to his mouth.

"Hm?" she queried, popping her head around the corner.

"How many signatures?!"

"Thirty-seven!"

"Woo-hoo!"

"Woo woo!" she called back, before flying off once more.

Pinky smiled, giggling to himself, as he turned the door handle and disappeared inside.

--------------------

Author's Notes:

- Marvell is an original character created by a friend of mine who goes by the cognomen of "Geeky". You can find her lovely art and cute character on Twitter at: GeekyBlackGirl

- Flip phones weren't exactly in wide use in '93, but I cheated here for convenience's sake and story purposes.

- The book that Teresa was reading, as well as the book Globetrotter carried around with him, are actual published works. Stochastic calculus is, apparently, a very advanced form of the subject. Brain considers it light reading.

- Your typical volcano science project is partially composed of baking soda, which, in turn, is made up of sodium bicarbonate. The whole thing is a reference to Globetrotter's explosive personality, and how he views the current predicament as such: one big problem on the verge of erupting and destroying his position if he doesn't do something... and fast.

- Globetrotter going for the cottage cheese and fruit, while sadly eschewing the pasta, is due to the fact that, in this story, he has terrible bowel and diarrhea issues. He's been told by his doctor to avoid certain foods, but finds this... a struggle at times. I dunno why I decided to give him this problem, other than the fact that it amuses me. Lol.

- Olivia is a lot of fun to write. :)

#fan fiction #pinky and the brain

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secondhand-trash · 5 years

Text

Harvest Moon: Plus Ultra!- A New Beginning

A/N: finally starting this series for real and I’m so pumped!!

Description: When you found yourself barely able to breathe amidst the mundane routine that you were stuck in, a letter from your grandparent’s semed to be the answer to your call for change. As you left everything you knew behind, it was time for a new beginning in a faraway town.

Word count: 2169

Tag list (dm to be added to the general tag list or to be tagged in a certain character’s arc):

@redbeanteax @mrsreina @blu-that-one-nerd @lady-bakuhoe @sparkncharge @todobunhon

(back to the home screen of Harvest Moon: Plus Ultra!)

Dear (y/n):

Hello, we hope that you are doing well!

It has been a while since you last visited the ranch and many things had happened. Don’t worry, the large fields at the front of the house that you used to love running through is still here and Henry the chicken is still well and alive. All the animals are doing great in face and the crops are growing as nicely as ever.

Everything is going fine but we are growing old and we feel like it is harder and harder for us to carry on with the chores of running the farm as each day goes by. A month after we write this letter to you, we would be retired from all the work and set off on a trip across the world to all the places we have wanted to visit but never had the time to.

It was a tough decision but after thinking of the many possibilities together, we decided that this is for the best. The only thing left for us to handle is the future of the ranch. We thought about selling it but after spending so much effort and such a long time on these grounds, it pains us to think that this place that is so tied in to many of our wonderful memories would be gone.

While being on the phone with your mom, she told us that you were starting to feel tried of your life in the city and the stress is starting to weight on you. Although we get that this is a huge decision, but how would you feel about taking over the ranch after we retire? You used to like being around the farm so much and even though running it on your own might be tough work, we feel like the farm would be safe in your hands. We know that this is a lot to ask of you, but we support whatever decision you make and we hope to hear from you soon.

Take care of yourself, a healthy body is the greatest asset you will ever have. Don’t forget to go to bed early and drink enough water!

Love,

Grandma and grandpa

Folding the letter in half along the neat edges that you had opened and folded back together for countless times, you put it back into your bag and sighed. You had been on the bus for what felt like an entire lifetime but you were still nowhere near your destination. There was nothing to see when you looked out of the window, just endless trees and greenery that didn’t seem to have a stop to it. The car went smoothly ahead on the road, with occasional bumps and turns as you got further and further away from the city.

The city. It had yet to settle in your mind completely that you were actually leaving that place. Not a vacation, not a trip that you had to go back from. You were leaving, and there was no turning back. You could still see the concrete walls and the busy streets at the start of the ride, but the plain view of nothing but green from where you were now was a huge contrast for what you were still living amongst merely hours ago.

The city was bustling and filled with adventures around every corner but in all honesty, you were tired of it. Your apartment was a box and the cubicle you spent most of your time in was no better. Always going from one place to another, with no purpose but to make ends meet. You wouldn’t not die without your job but you did not want it either. You were not alive but you simply weren’t dead either. It was boring, and the last bit of passion inside of you kept screaming at you to break out of the cycle that you were trapped in but you simply did not know how.

That was when the letter came and it was like seeing a ray of light shining through the windows of your 80 sqm apartment. Your initial reaction when you held the envelope in your hand was to just stand there in shock. You could not believe that your grandparents were finally retiring. From what you remembered, it was like they had more energy and liveliness than everyone of your family who were way younger than them. It was a true call from reality to think that they were getting old too. You also thought of the ranch that they pour their heart and soul into managing. You remembered how you used to beg them to let you help with the work around the farm whenever you visited them as a child.

It had been way too long since you had been around the fields. You still remembered the feeling of being covered in sweat and dirt but still got back to the house with nothing but satisfaction in your chest. The smell of grass in the morning as you rode on the back of a horse and the things you had learnt through taking care of all the animals still fresh in your head.

That was how you took probably the biggest risk in your life and say yes to their offer. Now you were on the bus to Yuuei Town, days after you quitted your job and headed for a new start in somewhere you had never been to since you were still in middle school.

It was horrifying to think of to say the least. But you had made your decision and there was no turning back. This was your one chance of getting a whole new life and you would be damned if you didn’t take it. Many things could happen, and a lot of them were far from being good, but you were excited for your new beginning.

The sudden break of the car let out a sharp squeak from the tires and your body fell forward as it hit a stop. You looked out to see that you were no longer surrounded by trees but under the open sky, the tiny sign of the bus stop being the only thing man-made you had seen in a while.

“Yuuei Town”

Quickly getting your many luggage and your bags, you got off the bus and took a deep breath. Cold air filled your lungs and you felt alive once again. It had been too long since you had last gone anywhere remotely rural, even the air felt different. You did not quite remember which way was the correct one to your grandparent’s- well, perhaps you should call it your ranch from now on but you still tried your best to go on the right road with the little instruction that you were given.

You weren’t sure if they had renovated the roads or your childhood memories had betrayed you, but it took way longer than what you expected and a lot of going back after realising that you made the wrong turn for you to finally get to where you were supposed to be.

It brought you a sense of comfort to see that the ranch was still the same as what you remembered it as. The farmhouse was in a distance with the fields being in front and the barns for the animals were at the back. It had been a while to say the least, but as you walked past the wooden fences it was like going home after a long journey away.

The door to the farmhouse was unlocked and with a light push, you poked your head inside. Your grandparents had already left for their first destination by the time you arrived, as seen by how all the furniture were covered by a white plastic cover. Sliding a finger along the window frame, you scrunched your face together when you saw just how much dust was covering everything. It would take a long while for you to clean everything up, you sighed as you put your luggage down onto the floor.

You didn’t even know where to start with all that. Feeling absolutely clueless as you faced the lifeless house, the anxiety you had regarding this decision was starting to appear once more. You were on your own now, with no one to help you and no one to go to if you come across any trouble. It would take you days just to get everything settled down and not to mention getting the hang on how to actually get everything running...

You were scared, and you wondered if you really made the right decision.

It was as if the universe wanted to tell you to stop worrying when you heard a knock at the door. Opening the door, you were face-to-face, actually no he was nowhere near being your eye level, with a white mouse in full business attire. He(?) had a soft smile on his face and behind him was a man with stacks of files on his hands and a pair of rectangular glasses sat neatly on the bridge of his nose alongside with a girl who was very, very pink from head to bottom.

“Hello! You must be the new owner of the ranch, your grandparents told me about you before they left and I decided to come welcome you.” The mouse reached his hand out, “I’m Nezu, the mayor of this town. I will be in the Town’s office if you need anything.”

Shaking Mayor Nezu’s extended hand, you did not have much time to process the fact that the town’s mayor was a mouse before he continued. “This is Iida kun who is the secretary of the office,” the man behind him bowed and you did the same in response in absolutely panick at how formal he was, “and this is Ahisdo san who runs the stable in town.”

The girl grabbed your hand and beamed, “Nice to meet you but Ashido is too formal, you can call me Mina!”

“Ashido san! You are going to intimate them!”

You managed a chuckle at the exchange between the two people. Mayor Nezu cleared his throat to stop them from rambling and he continued. “I’m sure that there’s a lot you have to do to settle down. Yuuei Town is not very big but you can get everything you need in the town square. Please do get to know everyone around when you have time, everyone is very friendly and I’m sure they look forward to meeting you! I brought Iida kun and Ashido san here with me today so they can help you with some basics on how to get around the farm and other things you should know...”

They taught gave you all the information you needed about the town and tips on how to run the farm. It was a lot to take it and your mind was so close to wandering away only to be pulled back at the last second on several occasions. After what seemed like hours of talk with phrases that you had barely heard of before, countless bickering between Iida and Mina, and several moments where you wonder if mice can kill when you sensed the rising danger in Nezu’s tiny eyes as the two argued, they finally left but not without telling you that you were always welcomed to go to them for help if you need anything. Mina also very eagerly offered to take you to the best (and only) restaurant for lunch next week as Iida yelled at her to keep up.

Like that, they were gone and you were alone once more. It was weird to hear just how silent the house was when seconds ago it was filled with people talking. You definitely felt better when they were around but now that it was just you, you were starting to feel lost once again.

This would not do, you had to start somewhere. Your searching eyes landed on the same window frame you touched when you first entered the room. This place could use some ventilation. Taking a deep breath as if you had decided something, you pushed the windows open.

The evening breeze hit your face and you looked out to see that the sun was setting. Everything you saw was under the lovely golden hue of the descending sun. Leaning onto the wooden frame, the last bit of warmth landed on your face, creating a perfect balance with the soft wind. The grass moved along with the movement of the wind and its ruzzling passed into your ear.

From some reason, for no good reason at all, the sight in front of you gave you the sudden relieve that everything would be okay.

Everything would turn out to be okay.

Leaning back, you turned around to look at the mess that was your new home and rolled your sleeves up for first of the many days of hard work ahead.

#bnha imagines #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #mha imagines #mha imagine #mha x reader #harvest moon au

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braincoins · 6 years

Text

“Oh, take that off,” she said.

He gasped in mock-surprise. “Just like that?!”

“Shiro.”

“Not even dinner first?”

She rolled her eyes. “We’re not going out tonight.”

“Why not?” he asked.

She walked over in her pajama pants and oversized t-shirt and pulled his headpiece off. “Because we have to talk about our next move,” she said. “And I ordered pizza.”

His eyes lit up. “Oooh, where from?”

“Peretti’s.”

“Gino’s is better.”

“Peretti’s is closer and I had a coupon.”

“Please tell me you didn’t get pineapple on it.”

“And extra anchovies.”

“Okay, the relationship is over.”

She slid her arms around his neck and kissed him slow and deep, savoring the taste of his lips and tongue. And when she pulled away, he murmured, “Okay, the relationship is back on.”

She grinned. There was a buzz. “Pizza’s here.”

“I could just teleport down and get it,” he offered.

“Don’t you dare. And get out of sight, will you?” she hissed as she went to buzz the pizza guy in.

“I’ll just go home and change.”

“That’s what I told you to do in the first place!”

“After I know that’s really the pizza guy and you’re not in trouble. Give me my mask back.”

She tsked but handed it back to him. “Are you always going to be this protective?”

“Yes. I do more than hop around, you know; I was in the Air Force. I’ve had training.”

“I can punch through a steel wall,” she countered.

“Show off.”

“Shoo; I don’t want him seeing you.”

“We could just tell him we’re doing some kinky roleplay?”

She snorted but Shiro duly got out of line of sight of the door as she opened it just before the pizza guy knocked. She loved doing that to them.

She signed the receipt, collected the ‘za, and shut and locked the door again. “I am unassaulted by strange pizza deliverers,” she announced, carrying the box to the living room. “Shiro?”

She shrugged, went to the kitchen, and grabbed some paper towels for napkins. She was just fishing out a grape soda when she heard his voice again. “Okay, I am in comfy talking clothes.”

She looked up from the fridge: he was in a t-shirt and sweat pants. “Good boy. I hope you’re okay with grape soda, milk, water, or orange juice.”

“Grape soda? Why not orange?”

“Because I like grape.”

“Be right back.” And he disappeared again.

She chuckled and headed back to the couch.

“Okay, where were we?”

“Getting used to having a disappearing-reappearing boyfriend,” she said, falling into a seat and opening the box to pull out a slice.

“Let me guess: we talk while we’re eating?” He sat down next to her.

She nodded. “We know what Galra’s up to. We have to do something about it. But we can’t just barge back in there. And they’re not going to let me kiss you again.” She took a big bite.

“Shame,” he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek quickly. He redirected his attention to the pizza box. “Is there anything you have that can deal with Sendak’s new ...taser arm or whatever? Oh good, no anchovies or pineapple.”

She shot him a quick glare - I was kidding! - and thought about that as she chewed. “Not right now. I want to talk to Coran about the crash. He’d always told me we came in for a smooth landing, but if there was scattered debris...”

“Maybe this isn’t the only piece he missed?”

She nodded solemnly. “And who knows what could happen if other people find Altean tech? Dr. King may be unethical, but she is still a scientist; she knows how to experiment carefully. If some child found something dangerous...” She shivered.

“I don’t know what help it’ll be, but there’s a doctor that works at Galra that has his misgivings about Dr. King’s methods. He thinks she’s dead, of course, but he’s expressed to me that he doesn’t like how she did some things. He might be a good source, though I don’t think he’s quite ready to go full whistleblower yet.”

“Is it the doctor you see about your arm?” she asked.

“Mm-hm,” he answered affirmatively around a mouthful of pizza. He chased it with a swig of the orange soda he’d brought from his place. “Dr. Ulaz. I’ve checked him out; he seems pretty clean near as I can tell? I don’t see any reason to sic my hacker friends on him.”

“What’d he say about your arm, by the way?”

“It’s fine.” He said it too quickly.

“Takashi.”

“It’s just this weird... sensation, that’s all. We’re keeping an eye on it.”

She frowned. “And how did the subject of Dr. King come up?”

“She designed it,” he said, holding the arm out and turning it over. “As well as the study I’m in. She did it all, wouldn’t let anyone help her with it, and Ulaz doesn’t trust the secrecy of it.”

“You should let Coran take a look at it.”

“Why? Does it look like Altean tech to you?”

“Well, no, but if Dr. King designed it...”

“She also designed a lot of perfectly safe and normal things,” he reminded her unnecessarily. “It’s a coincidence. Though I admit, it’s kind of weird that she was so secretive about this.”

“And you said Keith’s mother works there?”

“Yeah, she’s sort of a secretary-nurse person? One of those ‘work behind the scenes and keep things running’ types.”

“She might be more help than the doctor then.”

“Maybe. I’ll bring it up with Keith, but I doubt he’ll like the idea of getting his mom involved.”

“We need more information somehow.”

“Yeah,” he said. “In the meantime, should we refocus on the human trafficking ring? Check in with Hunk, maybe?”

She nodded but her mouth was full.

“You know,” he said, leaning back against the sofa, “Lotor’s initials are LK.”

She snorted as she cleared her mouth. “You’d blame him for the Kennedy assassination if you could.”

“Ohhh, if I thought I could get the charges to stick...”

“He’s probably thinking the same thing about you.”

“I bet he is,” Shiro asserted. “I’m telling you: he wanted you and he’s maaaad that I stole his ‘prize’.”

She leaned in towards him. “You do know that he never stood much of a chance with me, right? Not when I had this,” she ran one hand up along his t-shirt clad torso, “gorgeous hunk of kind and funny beefcake to tempt me.”

He sniffled. “I’m just a piece of meat to you,” he whimpered.

“But a very tasty one!” she asserted.

He laughed and pulled her in for a quick and sloppy kiss. “Okay, so I’ll talk with Keith about getting Krolia to dig up dirt for us on Galra and to arrange another meeting with Hunk about the traffickers.”

“What should we do in the meantime? Just crack down on smaller criminals?”

He shrugged. “Keep the city safe. I vote drug bosses: not only are they scum, but they might have heard something about the human traffickers. They’re used to sneaking things into the city, after all.”

“Good plan.”

“You really don’t want to go out tonight at all?” he asked.

“You’d rather go fight crime than stay in and cuddle with me?”

“I was thinking 50-50 split.”

“Not tonight,” she insisted. “Maybe not for a few nights, really.”

“What?” He sat up straight. “Why not?”

“Because Galra has to be looking for us. We know too much about their operation. It might be best for us to lay as low as possible for a bit.”

“They’ll keep Sendak close to home,” he asserted. “And he’s the only one we need to worry about.”

“Until they outfit all of their goons with those taser-arms,” she said. “I just...” She looked into his eyes. “Takashi, I thought we were both going to die. I was sure of it. And I knew, in that moment, I was going to lose you forever, and...”

“None of that happened.”

“That’s just it, though! We made it.” She curled up against him, and he tossed his slice down so he could wrap his arms around her. “I didn’t think anything would hurt as much as being cut off from a family, a people, an entire world I never got to know, but I do know you, and the thought of losing you is so much worse. I almost lost you. Let me bask in the security of having you, just for a little bit?”

“Okay,” he said. She felt him press a kiss into her hair. “I’m right here.”

She was quiet, enjoying the warmth of him wrapped around her. At least until he belched.

“Takashi!”

“Sorry, I couldn’t stop that one.”

“Oh, please. I’ve heard 80 year old grandmothers do better.”

“Did you just challenge me to a belching contest? I’m pretty sure you just challenged me to a belching contest.”

“I’m pretty sure it won’t be much of a contest at all if that’s the best you can do.”

He grinned and she grinned back.

{The Adventures of Starlight & Paladin}

#Starlight/Paladin #Shallura #Socks writes Voltron fanfic #Arc 2 #superhero AU #these keep getting long

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trulymadlysydney · 6 years

Text

The Boy Next Door- IV

Of all the things she could’ve ordered, it had to be a sex toy. And of all the people who could’ve been her neighbor, it just had to be coffee shop Harry.

*takes a big, long, deep breath* I... am so sorry for how long it took to upload this. I am also very sorry for this entire chapter in general. Truly. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

(Part One HERE) (Part Two HERE) (Part Three HERE)

Playlist HERE

***PLEASE DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION***

-Not even a sappy post it note left on the pillow saying goodbye? Worst sleepover ever

Nova yawns and smiles sleepily to herself as her fingers type out and send the text message to Harry. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a bit disappointed to not wake up in his arms, but still. Waking up in his bed was the next best thing.

His room is so cozy, and the curtains he has on his windows are much better than the ones she has on hers. They’re thick, and they keep the room fairly dark, save for the light oozing out from the sides. If it hadn’t have been for her alarm on her phone, Nova reckons she could’ve slept all day. His covers are thick and his sheets are smooth and he has the type of pillows that are squishy in all the right places.

Speaking of pillows, she takes the one that Harry had been sleeping on and hugs it close to her. She closes her eyes and inhales, then lets it all out in a satisfied hum. It smells deliciously like him. (Nova can’t help that she’s a sap when she’s sleepy. And she can’t help that she’s falling ridiculously hard for this boy.)

Her phone buzzes a few seconds later, and she grins when she reads Harry’s response.

-Someone kept me up all night and I almost overslept. I was almost late to my 8am.

-Texting in class?

-...yes?

-Shame on you

-Get up. Get ready for your 9am, and stop judging my life. x

-I don’t know if I can, actually. Your bed is ridiculously comfy

-It is, isn’t it? You’re welcome in it any time you’d like.

-Thank goodness because I don’t think I’m ever going to leave

-That is more than fine by me, gorgeous.

Nova bites at her lip and lets out the girliest giggle when she reads his text. Gorgeous. He called her gorgeous.

-I actually should get up though :((

-Booo. You can skip one day of class, it won’t hurt. -Skip, and be there when I get back.

-Ha, I wish -You’re a terrible influence

-What can I say?

-I’m going to miss your bed when I get out of it

-I’m sure my bed will miss you, too.

-So, a date in your bed again tonight? -Or mine. I’m sure my bed would love to meet you

-Meeting the bed, huh? This is getting serious. -I can’t tonight, unfortunately. Staying over at Jeff’s place.

-Aww man :( That’ll be fun though!

-Will it? He invited me over because he’s been having work issues. Again.

-Poor guy :(

-It’ll be fine. Just needs a guy’s night I think. I would much rather be meeting your bed though.

-Well we could still hang out today! What are you doing after your classes?

-Can’t get enough of me, can you?

Nova rolls her eyes and her cheeks are burning. She rolls out of Harry’s bed and walks back out into his living room, but she hardly even looks up from her phone.

-Fortunately for you, I can’t -But keep being a cocky little shit and we’ll see what happens.

-Cocky? Me? Never. -But I actually have band practice today.

-You’re in a band?!

-Thought I told you that!

-You mentioned you sing, you didn’t mention you had a whole entire band!

-Oh. Well surprise, then! I’m in a band. -And we’re practising at the apartment this evening, which sucks because otherwise you’d absolutely be over at my place. No questions asked.

-And I could finally kick your ass at that game of Parcheesi you mentioned, am I right?

-Can’t believe you remember that. But yeah, sure. Keep telling yourself that you’d be the one doing the ass kicking.

-Cute how you think I wouldn’t...

-Cute how you’re probably still in my bed.

-GOOD TRY but I’m in your living room now

-Going through my things to see if you can dig up any dirt on me?

-You know me so well

Nova takes a moment to actually look up and take in what his apartment looks like, because she hadn’t really paid that much attention the night before. The one critique she has is that it doesn’t smell anywhere near as good as her and Jessie’s place. It doesn’t smell bad, necessarily, but it smells distinctly like “boy,” mixed with a few old candles.

Her eyes fall on a large case over by the window, and she’s immediately intrigued. She walks over and realizes what exactly she’s looking at, and she adores it. Each shelf in the case is crammed with records. There must be at least a hundred in there. Some old classic vinyls, some newer pop albums that she recognizes. All different genres, and all of them look to be in excellent condition.

She immediately shoots Harry another text.

-Impressive record collection!

-So you are going through my things? Sneaky sneaky.

-I’m not going through anything, you pest, I just saw the collection. And I’m serious, it’s impressive

-Thank you! Been working on it for basically my whole life.

-I can tell! What’s your favorite?

-God, what a question. That’s like asking me to pick a favorite child. -Ever heard of The Stone Roses?

-Can’t say I have, no!

-Check them out. Should be on the second shelf down.

Nova follows his instructions and sees the exact album he’s referring to. She pulls the oversized record sleeve from its place and examines it as Harry sends another text.

-They’re actually from my hometown. Formed in Manchester in the 80s I believe. They’re sick. -You can take the record home with you if you want to. Give them a listen.

-I don’t own a record player :(

-What?! -It’s like you live in the year 2018 or something. Crazy.

Nova realizes she hasn’t stopped smiling during this entire conversation when her cheeks start to hurt a bit. Her phone vibrates with another text.

-Look them up on youtube then. I think you’ll like them.

-I definitely will!

Nova returns the record to its home on the shelf before standing up and heading towards the door. She knows she needs to go get ready for class, although she is tempted to crawl back into his bed and go back to sleep. When she spies a some paper in his kitchen on her way out, she giggles to herself as a plan forms. It doesn’t take long for her to find a pen, and with a smile on her face she scribbles “Here’s a sappy post-it note for you, since you didn’t leave one for me. You’re welcome. Xoxo, Novocaine.”

She sticks the note to his pillow (and shamelessly gives the pillow one more sniff) before slipping out of his apartment and heading back to her own.

---

As it turns out, the effect of seeing Harry’s name on her phone never fails to make Nova’s stomach flip. At around 3pm, he texts her again with a simple “is it ridiculous to say that I miss you?”

It is ridiculous, really. Of course it is. But she’s so happy, and she’s so happy to see that he’s feeling the same way.

Her response is immediate and, not surprisingly, sarcastic. Mentioning how it would be more ridiculous if he didn’t miss her, and then following up with a quick “All jokes aside, I suppose I miss you too,” and adding “but not as much as I miss your bed. That was comfy as hell.”

It’s when he tells her that, if his band weren’t coming over in fifteen minutes he’d invite her right back over to his bed, that she gets an idea.

Is it a good idea? Decidedly not. But it’s an appealing one and one that she’s sure he’s going to enjoy just as much as she does.

She double checks the time, and then triple checks it as she heads into her bedroom. She knows Jessie isn’t going to come home until around 6:30 so she’s safe in that aspect. But still, just to be even more safe, she closes and locks her bedroom door behind her. (Call it force of habit, but its truly just a security thing for her at this point.)

Nova reaches under the bed and pulls out the exact thing she’s looking for-- the little white wand that brought her and Harry together in the first place. She beams as she flips the vibrations on and off for a quick second, just to make sure its fully charged and ready to go. It is.

She can’t remove her pants fast enough, and soon she’s climbing onto her bed and relaxing back onto the pillow that’s pushed against the wall she’s almost positive that Harry is on the other side of. She’s already shivering, partly from anticipation and partly from her newfound lack of clothes. With a cheeky grin that she can’t even contain, she shoots him a text.

-Oh yeah? With completely innocent intentions I have no doubt

She chews on her lip as she waits for his response, hoping that she hasn’t taken too much time setting up her plan. She doesn’t want to go through with this if his band is starting to arrive at his place. Having just Harry overhear her the first time was embarrassing enough, but his entire band? She’d never be able to show her face ever again.

Luckily, he does reply quickly.

-Completely innocent.

-Just like you, right?

-I wouldn’t be so quick to point fingers, little miss, lest you forget how we first began talking.

Nova rolls her eyes at how proper that text reads, before reminding him that the first time they actually spoke was at a coffee shop. But she digresses. That has nothing to do with the task at hand. With a flip of her thumb, she hears the vibrations that send her stomach swirling before even touching her.

-Who said I’m pointing fingers, hm? -If I wanted to do anything with my fingers, it wouldn’t be pointing.

She reads and rereads the sentence she just sent, hoping that it comes across the way she wants it to. Just because she’s feeling sexy does not mean that Harry is, and for all she knows he could have interpreted that message in an absolutely different way than she’d intended. She bites her bottom lip, scrambling to think of something to say to possibly change the situation, when his response lights up her screen.

-Interesting. What would you do with them?

Her stomach floods with butterflies at his words, and she becomes aware of the buzzing in her other hand. She quickly lowers the vibrator teasingly down between her legs. The minute it touches her skin, she shudders and involuntarily exhales a soft whisper of “Oh my god.”

With the vibrator rubbing light circles at her clit, she uses her free hand to type out her response.

-I can think of a few things -But then again, those are things that could be much better done by the vibrator -Or, by your fingers preferably.

The vibrator is still only on low, but the tingles it sends up through her spine have her unraveling torturously slow.

No teasing, she reminds herself.

At least... no teasing herself.

She flips up the speed of the vibrations and lets out an exaggerated moan that is, admittedly, much louder than necessary, but loud enough that she knows it’s going to get his attention. Her phone vibrates again.

-Jesus. Somebody’s in a mood isn’t she?

-Not if you don’t want me to be

-No believe me. I want you to be. -I actually haven’t stopped thinking about last night. I mean that in the least perverted way possible, because I don’t want you to think that I’m only into you because of that. -But god, love. I’ve never seen anything as sexy as you cumming from just my fingers. -Is that too much to say?

Nova is too preoccupied to respond right away, but his words make her throb the moment she reads them on the screen. She allows her mouth to fall open and her head to loll back against the wall. She mutters a soft “fuck” before remembering her objective here and saying it louder.

Almost immediately the gray dots appear on the screen once again.

-...Nova, was that you?

She pulls the vibrator away from her clit momentarily, just to force herself to focus and respond to him.

-Was what me?

-That noise. -Are you doing what I think you’re doing?

Nova lets out another exaggerated moan that, in honesty, isn’t all that exaggerated because the combination of his words and the vibrations between her legs really is making her feel this good.

-Jesus, Nova are you trying to kill me?

She goes full force now, not responding to his texts but still reading them when they pop up at the top of her screen. Fully immersed in the experience, her thoughts go in a billion different directions. She lets out another loud cry when she thinks about the way his fingers had curled inside of her last night. The way he’d spoken to her as he was making her cum. The way he’d looked at her.

When her phone vibrates again, she realizes that she’s closing her eyes. She opens them to read the text that’s appeared at the top of her screen, which is soon followed by another text. And then another.

Oh yes, he knows exactly what she’s doing.

-God you really are a brat. -Fine then. Let’s see how long it takes you when you’re on your own. -Because you and I both know that if it were me doing that to you, you’d be cumming in seconds. -Last night was just a preview of what I can do to you, sweet girl. And if I were there right now, I wouldn’t stop at just one. I’d keep going and going until you’d beg me to stop. -And I wouldn’t limit myself to my fingers either. I’ve been dying to know what you taste like. -Love hearing you like this, but if you think you aren’t in trouble for being a fucking tease then you’re wrong. -You’re already close just from my words aren’t you? -Aren’t you, Nova? Answer me.

Nova can’t even bring herself to text back. Its all too deliciously overwhelming. She knew that Harry was good at dirty talk, but its almost even more intoxicating reading his words instead of hearing them, because she knows that eventually he’s going to follow through.

The most she can manage is a loud moan of his name followed by a long cry of “yes, fuck fuck fuck!” Harry responds shortly after.

-Good girl. -God, listen to you. Do you know how fucking hard you’re getting me right now? -You’re in for it the next time I get you alone, I swear to god Nova. -If my fucking band weren’t coming over at any second I’d come over there and finish you off myself. -Holy fuck, Nova, those noises... -Do me a favor, darling? -Scream my name when you cum. Please. Need to hear that again.

She almost contemplates going against his wishes, just because the thought of being punished by him is even sexier than the thought of being rewarded by him. But then she feels that familiar twinge in her stomach, and suddenly things are spiraling out of her control before she even has time to process them. Next thing she knows, she’s practically crying as the high overcomes her.

The fact that she doesn’t have to limit her volume makes the experience all the more enjoyable. She’s shouting and whining and gasping, and babbling some type of word that doesn’t quite sound like his name-- but its all she can manage at the moment.

She’s imagining his reaction. In a perfect world, she’s imagining him hard, touching himself on the other side of the thin wall. In reality though, she knows he’s probably only halfway chubbed up-- not enough to become desperate, but enough that its an uncomfortable and inconvenient little reminder of her.

She’s got him exactly where she wants him, and the feeling is euphoric.

Nova pulls the vibrator away when the feeling becomes too much, but she’s practically in shock. Her ears are ringing, her eyes are wide, and she has to blink a few times to get her eyes to focus again. It isn’t until her phone vibrates with another text from Harry that she only somewhat comes back to earth.

-Fuck Nova you’ve got me so hard right now. -That was your plan all along, wasn’t it you little brat?

Nova swallows, weakly pushing herself to sit up a bit. She notices the sheets are a bit damp beneath her. Had she been sweating that hard?

-Did it work?

-I swear to God... -Come over. -I’ll be quick.

It makes Nova giddy thinking about running next door for a quickie with Harry and knowing that his friends could pop in at any moment. She’s absolutely in for a punishment after what she’s done, and the thought makes her heart pound and her head swim.

-Don’t want you to be quick

-I’ll cancel on my band. Right now. -Need you so fucking bad.

Nova knows she shouldn’t be a tease any longer. She knows full well that what she’s doing is bratty, but she’s got to get her kicks while she can and frankly, she wants him to be as mean (in the loveliest way) as possible when he does finally get his hands on her.

-You can’t cancel on your band, Harry -You don’t need me that badly -Do you?

-I do. -Not sure you deserve it after that little show you put on, but that is neither here nor there. -I. Need. You. Now.

Nova bites her bottom lip, smirking at her phone and the desperation that is seeping off of his texts. She’s about to just say fuck it, invite him over without giving his band a second thought, when he texts her again.

-Fucking hell. They’re here.

-Oh noooo. You poor thing :(

She knows she should relax but right now she’s having too much fun tormenting him. She rolls off of her bed, shimmies into a clean pair of panties, and hurries into her living room just in time to hear voices coming from the hallway on the other side of her front door.

“Shit, H! You took your sweet time coming to the door, didn’t you lad?” It’s a male voice and it makes Nova snicker, especially when she hears a faint “fuck off” coming from Harry. She listens through all of their muffled greetings until she hears Harry close his door and their voices fade away.

Satisfied with her work, Nova decides to set her phone down and hop in the shower. It’s still early and a lovely day outside. She has the fleeting thought that maybe she can convince Jessie to head out for sushi tonight, and her stomach grumbles in response. So with one more smug little giggle she tosses her phone onto her bed and heads to the bathroom.

When she returns however, she is met with a text from Harry that sends her heart into a frenzy all over again.

-You have no idea what you’re in for little girl.

------

It’s Friday when Nova finally gets to see Harry again.

Neither one of them has brought up up her little production since Monday, and Nova isn’t sure whether or not that’s a good thing.

All of that aside, however, she does enjoy the fact that she and Harry speak constantly. They’d exchanged several texts and even a few phone calls throughout the week-- and it was during a phone call on Wednesday that he’d invited her here tonight.

“Bit silly that we talk on the phone so much when you live next door to me,” he’d said. “I could get up right now and be in your bed in under ten seconds.”

To which Nova had giggled and replied, “Well for one thing you know I’m not home right now.”

“Didn’t say I needed you in your bed with me.”

Nova rolled her eyes, but he’d only continued. “But anyway, that’s also silly that you aren’t home right now. You could easily be studying in my bed with me instead of at that damned coffee shop.”

Nova’s stomach had twisted at that because, god, was it tempting. But no. She picked at her nails casually as she spoke. “Then we wouldn’t be doing much studying would we?”

“Depends how you look at it.” Before even knowing what Harry was going to follow that statement up with, Nova had known it was going to be cheeky. “Technically we’d be studying biology.”

“Harry.”

“Or anatomy, even.”

“Harry!”

They’d continued on like that for a bit until Nova felt her skin was practically on fire, and then just as swiftly as he’d turned her on, he’d changed the subject. Telling her about this gig that his band was playing Friday night at a local bar, which he referred to as “vibey.” Nova had rolled her eyes at his choice in adjectives, but he’d only continued. “Absolutely sick. I think you’ll dig it.”

Which is how she’s ended up here, bopping along to his band’s fourth song of the night and giggling like a little girl whenever Harry looks over at her and winks.

The entire band is beyond brilliant. Not that she expected anything less. She’d briefly met the other members before they’d gone up on the stage, and they all seemed to be incredible people who were passionate about what they did. Watching them up there now, she’s absolutely mesmerized.

It is hard, however, to focus her eyes on anything but Harry. Especially when he looks as delicious as he does tonight. The combination of the suit he’d opted to wear plus his slightly messy hair and thick hands on his guitar is absolutely deadly to Nova. And despite the fact that she’s there to listen to the band and their music, she can’t stop her mind from thinking about how fantastic it’s going to be when she gets him alone tonight.

Nova is torn out of her thoughts when she feels someone nudge her. She turns to see a guy, probably a little bit older than her, holding a beer and smiling at her. He nods his head up at the stage. “Ever heard them play before?”

Nova shakes her head. “No! This is the first time.”

They both have to speak loudly to be heard over the music. The guy nods his head. “Ah. I saw them a few weekends ago up at some other bar. They’re sick!”

The pride emanating from Nova’s chest causes her to smile, and she allows herself to glance back up at Harry one more time before nodding. “I agree. I’m kinda... seeing that guy up there.” She doesn’t know how else to word it, because “dating” seems to be too formal for what she and Harry currently are. She wants to further explain, but her new friend thinks nothing of it.

“What? The lead singer?” When Nova nods, his jaw drops. “No way! That’s awesome. Met him the other weekend. He bought me a couple drinks. He’s a good guy. You know he’s from England?”

Nova giggles. “I did know that, yeah.”

The song comes to an end and the crowd goes wild. Nova beams up at Harry, cupping her hands around her mouth and letting out a loud cheer. He smirks but he doesn’t look back at her, busying himself instead with switching guitars. As soon as the strap of the new guitar is over his shoulder and adjusted, he leans into the microphone. “Alright. We’ve got some adjusting to do up here... because this next song we’re going to be covering is a bit different.”

The guy beside Nova holds out his hand. “I’m Jason by the way.”

Nova shakes his hand, still speaking a bit loud to be heard over the feedback from the amps onstage and the crowd around them. “Nova!”

His jaw drops again and it makes Nova snort. This guy is so easily amused by everything she says. “What a cool name!”

“Thanks!”

“You ever been here before?”

Nova shakes her head. “Nah. This is the first time. I only came because of Harry.”

“I feel that.” He nods his head seriously. “Can I tell you a secret? I come for the keyboard player.”

“Really? Do you know her?”

It’s Jason’s turn to shake his head. “I wish. I’m hoping maybe your boy can introduce us though.”

Nova giggles. “I mean, I only just met her today. Her name is Clare. She’s a really cute person from what I can tell.”

“Obviously. She’s fucking adorable. Talented as hell, too. Ask your boy if he can hook us up, yeah?”

Nova giggles. “Alright.”

The band fumbles around the stage, switching out instruments and mics, and someone is bringing a stool on the stage.

“You need another one of those?”

“What?” Nova’s a bit distracted by the way Harry looks as he communicates softly with his fellow band members. He’s beautiful without even trying, and Nova can’t believe how much she’s falling for this guy.

Jason nods at the empty drink in Nova’s hand. “You need a refill, girl.”

“Oh.” On any other occasion, Nova would have probably said no. But she’s in a very good mood right now and, honestly, another one would probably only add to it. “Yeah, I do actually.”

“You want me to go grab you one?”

“No no that’s okay. I can get it.”

“You sure?” Jason holds up his own empty drink. “Headed over there anyway.”

Nova glances back at Harry, who’s got a guitar pic between his teeth and is skillfully tuning the guitar in his hands. God, he’s perfect.

“Yeah I’ll just go over with you, actually.”

“Oh! Alright.”

Nova and Jason squirm and bump their way through the crowd of people and over to the bar, talking the whole time. Nova learns that he’s lived in California his whole life, but only moved to Los Angeles for film school about a year ago. He’s 27, but the reason he’d waited so long to come here was because he’d had a long term girlfriend who he’d thought he was going to marry back at home.

As they’re ordering their drinks, Nova can hear Harry saying something into the microphone. She believes its a back story for the song they’re about to do, but its hard to understand him what with the story she’s currently telling Jason. She makes a mental note to ask Harry what he was saying later.

It isn’t long before the song is starting. It’s slower than the other songs they’d played, and Nova can instantly tell that the vibes of this song are different. Jason pays for both of their drinks (despite Nova’s protests) and the two bump their way back through the crowd just as Harry starts to sing.

The crowd has gotten thicker since they’d left, and when Jason holds his hand out for Nova to take so they can stay together, she instinctively takes it. He looks over his shoulder and says, “Gotta get you back up to your man,” which makes Nova laugh.

When Harry’s voice goes into falsetto, chills rise all along Nova’s body. The lighting is dim, save for one bright light on him. He looks different, too. More serious. Less happy, but not necessarily sad or upset. Every now and then, the girls in the band will join in with a harmony, but otherwise its just Harry.

Although Nova is focused more on getting back to her original spot and apologizing to the people she bumps into, she feels like she’s practically in a daze listening to Harry sing whatever song this is.

Jason leads Nova as close to their original spot after much struggle, and when he finally stops walking he grumbles, “Jesus.” But then he’s right back to being the happy, friendly guy Nova just met. “Anyway!”

Instead of letting go of her hand, he raises it, signaling for her to twirl under it. Nova smiles, moving slowly. Maybe its the slow, dreamy song. Maybe its the boy singing it, or the way her skirt swishes as she twirls. Whatever it is, she’s in a trance. She’s happier than she’s been in a long time, and this is all thanks to Harry.

Jason smiles at her and sways a bit himself before dropping her hand. “Your boy is really good, Nova.”

Nova smiles up at Harry. “I know he is.”

Oddly enough, Harry doesn’t look at her much during this song like he’s been doing throughout every other song. It’s strange, but Nova just assumes its because this is a slower song. It sounds sad, and Harry keeps repeating the words “Wishing you were mine” over and over. Maybe it is a sad song, and Nova had missed the explanation earlier. Maybe its a breakup song that Harry had absolutely fallen in love with during a tough time. He does have such an amazing music taste, after all, so it wouldn’t surprise her.

The song ends shortly after, and everyone including Nova once again goes wild. The band all smiles down at the crowd reactions, but for some reason, Harry doesn’t.

Harry isn’t even really looking at the crowd, actually. He’s looking straight ahead, and his jaw is set. He’s got the same look on his face that he did earlier-- not sad, but definitely not too pleased-- and it leads Nova to conclude that that really is an emotional song for him. She cups her hands around her mouth once more and calls out to him, cheering and clapping with the audience and fully prepared to greet him with an encouraging smile to bring him back to earth.

But he doesn’t even budge.

When the crowd relaxes, he seems to come back a bit. He clears his throat and leans in to the microphone. “Thank you. Eh.. we’ve got one more song for you guys, and I’m sure you’ll all know it. So... if you like it, feel free to sing along.”

There’s hardly any hesitation before he nods at the band and counts down the beginning of the song. As soon as he plays the opening chords, his head lowers. He doesn’t lift it again.

Nova furrows her eyebrows and turns to Jason. “Is he being like, totally weird now, or is it just me?”

“What??” Jason seems to know the song they’re playing, and he’s bopping and swaying around like a madman.

Nova smiles in spite of herself. “Nothing. Nevermind.”

“Why aren’t you dancing?!”

She shakes her head and laughs when Jason takes her hand and twirls her once more. He chants “Dance!” at her until she’s finally making a bit of an effort to move without his help.

And soon all is forgotten. Soon she’s laughing and dancing, assuring herself that its all in her head and reminding herself that she gets that beautiful, talented guy and all of his post-show adrenaline to herself after this show.

She is going to absolutely ravage him.

During a long guitar break, the band says their final thank you’s and goodbye’s, and before Nova knows it the song is over. The crowd is going even more wild than before, and rightfully so. But now, Nova is getting pushed and shoved to the side as everyone tries to rush in separate directions. Some run towards the stage to try and talk to the band. Some are making a desperate attempt to leave the dance floor and head over to the bar before everyone else has the same idea. And then there’s Nova, caught in the chaos while unsuccessfully trying to keep her eye on Harry so she can find him after all of this.

By the time things finally do calm down even the slightest bit, the band is off the stage and has most likely blended into this crowd. Nova frowns as her eyes scan the room and she comes to the realization that Harry didn’t come find her.

She hardly registers it when Jason asks her if she wants another drink. “What? Oh, no. I uh... I have to go find Harry.”

“Ooh yes. Go get your man.” Jason wiggles his eyebrows. “But don’t forget what we talked about, alright? I’ll be hanging out here all night. I want to meet Clare.”

Nova half-heartedly laughs, too consumed by her own concerns at the moment.

Why didn’t Harry come find her?

“Alrighty, will do. It was nice meeting you, Jason!”

Jason gives her a sweaty hug and, annoyingly, reminds her one more time about how badly he wants to meet Clare. Of course.

Nova pushes her way through the crowd and her panic levels begin to rise. She knows Harry wouldn’t leave without her, but still. Being at a bar alone, knowing nobody around her-- its a terrifying thought.

Relief washes over her when, finally a few minutes later she spies him, leaning on the bar. He’s surrounded by a group of people; mostly the people from the band from what she can see. They’re all talking and laughing with drinks in hand, but Harry isn’t joining in the jokes. Harry’s barely even smiling as he sips something brown from a clear glass.

“There you are!” Nova pushes her way through the crowd. The minute Harry sees her, whatever trace of a smile he’d had disappears. When Nova wraps her arms around his middle and gives him an affectionate squeeze, he only drapes his arm loosely around her. Uh oh.

“I didn’t know where you went!” Nova says, unaffected by his lack of enthusiasm.

“Was right here,” he mutters. He looks like he’s about to say something else, but instead he raises his glass to his lips and takes a long sip.

Nova blinks, but she shakes it off. “Harry, you were so good! The whole band was outstanding. I love your music!! I don’t know why you didn’t show me sooner, seriously. Because wow.”

Harry shrugs. “Sorry.”

He takes another sip, and now Nova is starting to get uncomfortable. She opens her mouth to ask him what’s going on, but she’s cut off when the band’s bassist makes his way over. “Heyyy, there she is! How’d you like the set?”

This guy, Adam if Nova remembers correctly, is a total sweetheart. His smile is blinding and he seems to really love this band and what he does, because he’s never not smiling. Nova beams right back at him. “It was incredible! Seriously, you guys are so sick. And you’re insanely talented!”

Adam smiles so wide it looks like his eyes are barely even open. Its adorable. “Thanks! Felt really good tonight. Loved the crowd!”

“So did Nova,” Harry mutters, and both Adam and Nova fall silent for a moment.

Nova blinks, taking in what he’s just said. “I... what?”

Harry shakes his head and shifts his weight so he’s standing upright. “Nothing. ‘Scuse me.” He puts his hand on the drummer’s back to gently let her know that he’s trying to get through, and then he’s maneuvering his way through the room.

Nova gapes dumbly after him. She doesn’t even know what to say, and apparently neither does Adam, because they both just stare at the crowd that Harry has disappeared into. This isn’t the Harry that Nova knows. Not by a long shot. But what on earth had made him so moody all of a sudden?

Adam chuckles, raising a nervous hand to run through his hair. “Sorry about him.”

It’s then Nova realizes her mouth is still open, and she turns her attention to Adam. “I don’t understand what just happened.”

Adam shrugs. “He gets... weird sometimes. Gets in these shitty moods. He can be a real asshole when he wants to be.”

“But what did I do?” Nova’s frowning, and she realizes that she has a slight whine in her voice when she asks.

“Nothing that I know of. You came to his show to support him, and now he’s being a prick to you.”

Nova holds her breath as she considers her words, but she blows it all out when her mind comes up short.

Adam leans against the bar. “Hey,” he says with a smile. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much if I were you, alright? It’ll pass and he’ll be right back to being the Harry that we all know and love.”

Nova frowns. “He doesn’t get a free pass to be a douchebag without explaining himself.”

This makes Adam chuckle into his drink. “You’re right, he doesn’t. But I don’t want this to ruin your night. Have a drink. Let him sulk. He’ll come around. Here, what do you want? A beer?”

Nova smiles at him. He’s being such an angel to her and she’s only just met him tonight. She shakes her head. “Nothing for right now. I’m gonna go find him.”

“You sure?” His words are laced with genuine concern, and Nova nods.

“Yeah. It’ll be fine.”

Adam takes a deep breath and nods. “Alright then. Good luck.”

Nova chews the inside of her cheek nervously as she makes her way through the bar. It’s sweaty and crowded and dark, and the drunk people are just as annoying as ever. Her eyes scan the crowd as she walks, covering nearly every square inch of the bar, and she frowns when she doesn’t see him anywhere. He wouldn’t have left without saying anything.

Would he?

She sees a group of girls heading towards a back door with lighters in hand. One girl is holding a pack of cigarettes, and it’s then that Nova realizes there’s a back porch here. She turns on her heels and hightails it to go catch up with the girls and follow them.

Its another warm night, which Nova loves, There are a few people out here, and almost all of them are smoking. She lets out a cough when a particularly thick cloud of smoke floats towards her. She uses her hand to clear the air a bit, and then she sees him.

He’s leaned over the back railing. His drink is still in his hand, but now his phone is in his other hand, and he’s scrolling mindlessly through some social media feed. Nova is suddenly overcome with nerves, because although confrontation has never really been much of an issue for her, this is Harry she’s confronting, and somehow it doesn’t feel right.

She takes a deep breath and walks over to him. He doesn’t look up, but he does audibly sigh when he sees her in his peripheral vision. Nova frowns. She’s about to open her mouth to say something, but Harry beats her to it.

“What are you doin’ out here?” He asks.

“Um, I could ask you the same question,” Nova blurts. She feels awkward and exposed for some reason, and she doesn’t know what to do with her hands. This is weird. This is not right.

“Didn’t want to distract,” Harry states matter-of-factly. He hits the power button on his phone before shoving it in his pocket and finally turning to face her.

“Distract? From what exactly? The whole reason I came here was to see you.”

“Did you?” Despite his mood, he’s still got the hint of a smirk on his face. It’s different now though. This one doesn’t turn Nova on. This one makes Nova feel small, and not in a good way.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your friend. He couldn’t have stood any closer to you if he’d tried, you know that?”

Nova wracks her brain to try and remember what “friend” Harry is referring to, until it clicks. “Jason?”

Harry scoffs. “Oh, s’that his name? Jason. What a guy. Good dancer, too.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s really what this is about right now?”

“Guess it is.”

Nova shakes her head in disbelief. What happened to him? The sweet, romantic guy who was a little shit in the best way possible? “Harry--”

“I know you’re a friendly girl, Nova. I get it. People can’t get enough of you. But when I invited you tonight, it wasn’t just a ‘lets go out and get drunk and meet new people’ thing. It wasn’t just a ‘friend’ thing, Nova. It’s never been just a ‘friend’ thing.”

Nova takes a step towards him. “Of course it’s not a ‘friend’ thing. What are you even saying right now? I came here because of you! To see you! I didn’t ask the guy to dance with me--”

“But you danced with him didn’t you?”

“Yeah, actually! I’m so sorry I had a basic interaction with another human being before checking with you first! Won’t happen again, sir!”

Harry rolls his eyes. “For fucks sake, Nova.”

“No, really! By all means!! Tell me what else I’ve done wrong! I complimented some girl’s shoes in the bathroom, is that okay with you?”

“Nova--”

“Also, I hope it didn’t offend you just now when I told Adam he was insanely talented! I totally should have checked with you first!”

Now that Harry’s actually making eye contact with her, Nova wishes he wasn’t. He looks angry and hurt. It’s a look she’s never seen on his face, and a look she never wants to see again. “You know damn well that isn’t what I mean.”

Still, Nova stands her ground. “Is it not? Cause I’m kind of getting the feeling that it is.”

“Did you tell him why you were here?” His question is very to the point, and now Nova’s ears are ringing.

“Of course I--”

Harry cuts her off. “Or did it not come up? I mean, no reason for it to come up, right? Doesn’t mean anything.”

“Harry that’s not--”

“Doesn’t matter. We’re just neighbors. ‘Neighbors with benefits’ if you will. Right?”

Now Nova’s getting upset. “You know for a fact that that’s wrong...”

“Do I?” Harry’s posture is tense. Where he seems to be looming, Nova seems to be shrinking. She doesn’t like it.

“It was just dancing!” Nova’s voice raises a bit. Not enough to cause a scene quite yet, but enough. “Holy shit, Harry, you don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot do. Are you kidding me? You don’t get to be jealous like this.”

“And you don’t get to tell me what I get to be, Nova!” Harry shakes his head. They stand there in their horrible, angry tension, and then Harry lets out a breath. “Christ.” He raises his glass to his lips and takes another sip.

“I can’t believe you,” Nova spits. “I came here to support you and you’re getting jealous over nothing. Something so fucking insignificant--” Harry snorts at her words, “--and for what? You haven’t asked me to be your girlfriend. You haven’t even asked me on a date.”

“Did you even listen to a word I sang tonight?”

“Of course I did!”

“And did you hear what I said before the song you danced to? Hm? Were you listenin’ to that?”

“Harry, I was.”

“What did I say then?”

Nova’s jaw drops. “Am I being fucking quizzed right now? Are you accusing me of lying? Are you gonna fucking punish me if I get this wrong?”

“Did you hear what I said about you before that song? Hm?”

And now Nova’s mouth closes.

Harry continues. “No. You didn’t. And you know why you didn’t? You were getting a drink with Jason when I said it.”

Suddenly, the night feels a bit colder. Nova has nothing to say.

Harry sighs and runs a hand through his hair. His voice softens. “Fuck. I’m not saying that in order to be with me you can never talk to guys again. I would never in a million years fucking say that to you. Christ, have you seen yourself? The day you stop getting attention is the day that hell freezes over.”

“Stop.” Nova’s voice is so quiet it’s hardly above a whisper.

“But what I am saying...” Harry lets out a long breath and takes another sip. “I don’t know. I’m saying I really fucking like you. You’re always going to have male friends. And you’re always going to be beautiful. I hate to sound like a whiny little pissbaby, because I know... ha. I know that’s what I fucking sound like. But Nova, I said... a lot tonight. And you didn’t hear a word of it.”

Nova feels that familiar lump in her throat and begs herself not to cry. “What did you say?”

Harry laughs and shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. None of this fucking matters.”

“Harry, it does matter. Will you please just--”

“No,” Harry cuts her off. “No I won’t ‘please just’ do anything. I’m going to go home. And I’m going to get in bed, and probably fucking hate myself for a long time.”

“But I don’t want you to--”

“But I’m going to, aren’t I? I’m going to, because I fucked this whole thing up. I invited you here. I tried to confess my feelings in a very... stupid, fucking idiotic way. And you weren’t even paying attention. So now I feel like a fucking idiot, and I feel even more of an idiot for having this conversation in the first place.”

“Harry.” That’s all Nova can even think to say.

“No, you know what? You’re right. I don’t get to be jealous like this. I have no claim on you. Whatsoever. And I don’t know why I thought I did.”

Nova feels the first tear prickle at her eye, and she refuses to look up. “You do.”

“I don’t. I really, really don’t. And I’m sorry that I tried to force that into being a thing.” Harry finishes off the rest of his drink and sets the glass down on the railing. “And,” he adds, “I’m sorry for this conversation.”

When Nova looks at him, she can’t stop herself from letting a tear fall down her cheek. But she has nothing to say.

They they both stand there looking at one another. Both of them wondering what the hell just happened between them. Both of them wondering where they stand now.

Harry still looks mad, but his voice softens to an almost unrecognizable amount. “You have a safe way home?”

“I can take an uber.”

He nods his head as if thinking about something. “Alright.”

He turns to go, but Nova reaches out to grab his arm. “Can I leave with you?”

“Nova--”

“Please? I want to go home.”

Harry’s eyes dart down to Nova’s hand on his arm, and even he looks like he could cry. Eventually, he sighs. “Fine. Let’s go.”

The shared uber ride back to the apartment complex is completely awkward, with the radio playing and the uber driving chatting cluelessly about a ride he’d had earlier. Harry and Nova add their polite comments every now and then, but it feels so stiff. So forced. They’re sitting on opposite ends of the backseat, and Nova feels that if she were any closer to the car door she’d be outside of the car.

Where Nova wants to be is on Harry’s lap. She wants to taste whatever it was that he was drinking on his lips while they share giggly, post show adrenaline kisses. She wants to be showering him in praises, hinting at what she’s going to do to him when they get home. Would they have stayed at her place or his? He hasn’t been to hers yet, and Jessie is gone for the night. They’d probably stay at hers.

But life is not a fanfiction, and Nova has to remind herself of that. Things don’t work that way.

Neither says a word once they get out of the uber either. The elevator ride up to their apartment is silent. There are a few sniffles from Nova, who’s trying her best not to cry. And Harry clears his throat every few moments. But he won’t even look at her at this point, and Nova doesn’t know if thats a good or bad thing.

Its when they reach the space between their doors that Harry finally breaks the silence. “Have a good night,” he says. He doesn’t stop to hug her. He just inserts his key into the door.

“Harry I’m sorry.” It comes out fast and desperate, but somehow the words still don’t convey everything that Nova is feeling. Right now, she’s hurt. She’s hurt, and she’s guilty, and she wants to sit and talk this through with him.

He doesn’t look at her, but he does halt his movements for a brief moment. “Me too.”

Nova allows her eyes to drop, because she isn’t about to stand there and stare at him until he disappears into his apartment. Of course, the moment she looks down, her eyes come across something on the floor in front of her door.

It’s small and square shaped, and it has a little red bow on it, as well as a note that reads: “To Novocaine” in big letters. After a split second of intrigue and endearment, her heart drops even lower than it was before.

“What’s this?” She asks.

She is answered only by the sound of Harry’s front door closing.

Nova closes her eyes and allows the thickness of the situation to sink in for a moment before letting out all her air and leaning down to pick up the item.

She instantly recognizes it as a CD case, and when she picks up the note she notices a smaller message written below her name.

“I promised you I’d introduce you to new music. These are just a few (100 to be exact) of my favorites that remind me of you. I know mix tapes are old fashioned and all the kids are using iTunes these days or whatever, but I knew you’d appreciate this. Thank you for being wonderful always. H x. (PS. Listen to track 36. If tonight went the way I hope it did, you’re going to love it)”

A hot tear rolls quickly down Nova’s cheek and hits the case in her hand. It lands right on the plastic CD cover, which is a poorly drawn illustration of the night sky that Nova knows immediately Harry’s done by hand. And, in font that Harry probably traced, is the word “Supernova” in purple ink. Fuck.

She reaches up to wipe at her eyes before disappearing into her apartment. She doesn’t even bother taking off her makeup before she gets undressed and climbs into her bed, and five minutes later, she’s sitting under the covers with her laptop resting on her thighs. She pushes the CD into the disc reader and waits.

A new tab opens with a list of every song burned onto the CD (and Harry was right, there are exactly one hundred), and seconds later, the cheerful intro to the very first song plays.

Fake young when we met, everything seemed alright...

Nova smiles in spite of herself. She’s barely heard three seconds of only one song out of one hundred, but its such a sweet gesture and so ridiculously “Harry” that it makes her happy.

She glances back down at the hand-drawn CD cover and the note that Harry wrote, and her heart sinks just a little bit more as she’s reminded of her current situation. Things aren’t as happy as this song would lead her to believe.

And Harry wants her to listen to track thirty six.

She scrolls through the song titles until she reaches thirty six, and her throat feels dry when she reads the title. “Mine- Dayo Bello (Cover by Harry Styles).” It takes her fifteen seconds of reading the title before she finally plays it.

She doesn’t know when he recorded this, or how he’d kept it a secret from her. But her eyes blur with tears as she listens. She can hear him shuffling in his seat, she can hear his guitar strings squeaking under his fingers, she can hear him clearing his throat softly just before singing.

Nova recognizes the song as one that Harry played tonight. More specifically, it’s the one that she had danced and swayed with Jason to. She hadn’t listened to the words very carefully and realizes quickly that her assumptions about this song were not correct. They’d been entirely off, in fact.

She hadn’t realized that Harry had chosen that song specifically for her, because it was how he felt.

His cover is beautiful. It’s raw, and it makes Nova’s chest feel as though it’s being sat on by an elephant. His falsetto causes chills all along her skin, just as it had earlier. Even though she knows she’d heard him sing it a few hours before, this cover is different than it had been. This cover feels more intimate because it’s just him. There’s no band behind him doing backup vocals. No other instruments. It’s him, his guitar, and his feelings being poured out to her through the speakers of her laptop.

Nova lets out a shaky breath, trying and failing to get her breathing under control before eventually giving up. She reaches up and rubs her face with her hands, over and over and over.

“And you don’t even know, you’re like my wildest dream Held captive in stone, held captive in stone, Wishing you were mine Wishing you were mine...”

Nova swallows the lump in her throat before reaching over to pick up her phone. She types and retypes apologies. She dials his number, but hangs up before hitting the call button. She moves her laptop to the side, multiple times, and attempts to get up out of bed so she can go apologize in person. She goes through the motions over and over, wash, rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat until she finally gives up and lets out a long sob.

Could he hear that? Does she care? She feels restless, exhausted, helpless, and she can’t even begin to think of a way to fix this right now. And all the while, Harry’s voice croons through her laptop, holding her frozen in place.

Wishing you were mine... Wishing you were mine...

Nova finally surrenders, allowing herself to just sit there and listen. Listen to his voice, listen to the words and the emotions behind them. This version is much, much longer than the one he’d played live tonight, and Nova doesn’t know if she’d rather the song never end or stop completely, mid chorus.

When it does finally end, fading into the next song, Nova just closes her laptop. The room falls silent, and her throat feels thick. She hadn’t realized that she was sitting straight up, and she relaxes back into her pillows with a defeated sigh. She has to say something. Do something. Anything.

She picks up her phone without allowing herself a second though, mindlessly types out a text message, and hits “send.” Her heart is racing, pounding in her ears, and another tear rolls down her cheek.

-I am so, incredibly sorry Harry.

Read at 11:36pm.

#Harry Styles fanfiction #Harry fanfiction #fanfiction

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the-little-shoebox · 5 years

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1-100 do it scrub

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED LET"S GO!!!! SORRY FOR THE WALL!

1. What is you middle name?Actually don’t legally have one.2. How old are you?213. When is your birthday?September 134. What is your zodiac sign?Virgo5. What is your favorite color?Green or orange. Both are very good.6. What’s your lucky number?759 and 1137. Do you have any pets?No but I reeeeeeeally want some!8. Where are you from?I’m from Louisiana, the boot of the country. 9. How tall are you?IRL I’m around 5 foot 6. Average height my dude.10. What shoe size are you?10 and a half to 11… yeah big feet for kicking your a-

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?Like…. 2 or three? One tearing about as the seams. 12. What was your last dream about?I…. don’t remember. But I do remember it involved tripping over my roommate’s mountain of clothes while shouting at her for something.13. What talents do you have?Not blinking, screaming a variety of sounds, needle felting, embroidery. 14. Are you psychic in any way?No, not at all psychic.15. Favorite song?DON"T MAKE ME CHOOSE! Well, one of my favorites of all time is ‘Life itself’ By Glass animals. Though Missio songs have been growing on me.16. Favorite movie?Ok this is gonna be weird but Matilda is one of my favorite movies. Watch it whenever it comes on TV. 17. Who would be your ideal partner?Alrighty have them. They’re up above making me answer all these in one go. Love ya babe!18. Do you want children?No. Kids intimidate me.Only fur babies. 19. Do you want a church wedding?Nah. They seem a little too formal for my taste.20. Are you religious?Well I was a long time ago, but I’ve honestly fallen out of it over the years.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?Yes. Emergency stitches.22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?The closest time I did was because we tried to walk home via railroad tracks ditching mom at a pizza place. I was put in the back seat of the cop car and cried thinking I was gonna go to jail. I drew a smiley face on the foggy window……. I was young and stupid.23. Have you ever met any celebrities?Nnnnnnnope!24. Baths or showers?Baths all the way, I enjoy just soaking and totally not falling asleep in the water.25. What color socks are you wearing?I have no socks on now. Jokes on you!26. Have you ever been famous?I’m not famous. Nooooooot at all.27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?Noooooo. I like being in the shadows.28. What type of music do you like?Little bit of everything, but mostly pop or really chill music.29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. 30. How many pillows do you sleep with?Three at most. Hug them all

31. What position do you usually sleep in?It shifts to on my back or on my side just curled up among the blankets.32. How big is your house?Honestly not that big. Simple little adobe.33. What do you typically have for breakfast?If I’m at home a sandwich, but really it’s anything I can grab. Maybe some chips. 34. Have you ever fired a gun?Only a water gun. Never touching a real gun.35. Have you ever tried archery?Actually I have! Not too bad at it!36. Favorite clean word?Clean word…… Moxie. I love just saying moxie.37. Favorite swear word?Bumblefuck……. Some friends help make that.38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?24 hours. Worst night of my life39. Do you have any scars?A few! Claw marks on my arm, but the most infamous one is on the bottom of my left foot. That one needed the stitches.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?If I did they hid it really really well.41. Are you a good liar?Oh no I’m the absolute worst liar. Anyone can tell you that.42. Are you a good judge of character?I like to think it’s about 75 percent accurate? I have a decent enough judge, but it sometimes glitches and I feel like crap for it.43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?I……. no? 44. Do you have a strong accent?Not really. It abandoned me.45. What is your favorite accent?I’m a sucker for like Irish tones. They’re neat to me!46. What is your personality type?If it’s the letter’s thing it’s ENFP. IF I had to say for myself….. loud.47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?I really don’t know. Maybe this one nice light blue jacket I have. I can’t answer that honestly.48. Can you curl your tongue?I think so!49. Are you an innie or an outie?Innie.50. Left or right handed?Ya girl leftie all the way!

51. Are you scared of spiders?Only a few like Brown Recluse and Black widows. All the others are perfectly fine with me. 52. Favorite food?Chicken and Dumplings. My favorite comfort food when I can get it.53. Favorite foreign food?I’d have to say eggrolls and Mongolian chicken. I really love Mandarin food apparently.54. Are you a clean or messy person?Messy. No question about it. I live in a rat’s nest. Working on it though!55. Most used phrased?Either 'you got this!’ or 'FIGHT ME!’56. Most used word?Bruh. I say bruh IRL waaaay too much.57. How long does it take for you to get ready?3-5 Minutes…. not counting the hour is takes for me to actually wake up.58. Do you have much of an ego?No? I least I hope I don’t.59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?Both. I do both.60. Do you talk to yourself?All the time.

61. Do you sing to yourself?Even more so! 62. Are you a good singer?Ehhhhh, we’ll call it so so.63. Biggest Fear?Lightning. I absolutely freeze up and cower from it. Not fun.64. Are you a gossip?…… yeah in recent years I have collected a lot of dirt. But I only receive it and don’t spread it. I hoard all your secrets for myself. 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?How’s how to train your dragon 2 count?66. Do you like long or short hair?I have a pension for shorter hair, every to fun your fingers through.67. Can you name all 50 states of America?I better if I flipping live here!68. Favorite school subject?Art(Duh), but if we didn’t have that I have a soft spot for history or Speech and Debate.69. Extrovert or Introvert?Extrovert. I scream hi to everyone!70. Have you ever been scuba diving?No, but it sounds so fun!

71. What makes you nervous?Everything. Silence, chances in schedule, deadlines, my own thoughts. So…. everything.72. Are you scared of the dark?Not really. I love the dark. I am the dark.73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?Eh..... no. They’ll figure it out on their own.74. Are you ticklish?I am not disclosing this information.75. Have you ever started a rumor?No thank god. That ain’t my style!76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?I mod servers on discord and I do them very well. So yes, that is my authority.77. Have you ever drank underage?No thank you. Not really a fan of alcohol from the looks alone.78. Have you ever done drugs?No….unless caffeine counts.79. Who was your first real crush?My first crush was a guy in like fifth grade called Mark. Annnnnd that was the first time I had my heart crushed in front of me. Luckily he grew up to be a jerk so I’m over it. 80. How many piercings do you have?Zero. I am a chicken.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“Pretty sure I butcher them when I try.82. How fast can you type?Honestly not that fast. 83. How fast can you run?Depends, who am I chasing?84. What color is your hair?Dark Brown, almost black.85. What color is your eyes?Brown as well. 86. What are you allergic to?Seafood, wasps and bee stings, penicillin. 87. Do you keep a journal?Not really. Though i may try to do one again!88. What do your parents do?My mom is a retired teacher. She…. doesn’t really do that much now.89. Do you like your age?Yeah. I’m content with my age and where things look to be going now!90. What makes you angry?Small things, disrespecting arts, just blunt stupidity. Anything off r/insanefacebook.I get angry at a looooot of things.

91. Do you like your own name?Yes I do. I am proud of my name!92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?I have even though I don’t want kids. Though I can’t remember them at the moment.93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?NO KIDS!94. What are your strengths?Drawing expressions, optimism, staying motivated to do a thing.95. What are your weaknesses?Anger, paranoia, long list of health issues. 96. How did you get your name?I have no idea.97. Were your ancestors royalty?I don’t freaking know!98. Do you have any scars?I ALREADY ANSWERED THIS!!!!!99. Color of your bedspread?Dark grey.100. Color of your room?White….. it’s a dorm room.

#THERE I DID THEM ALL!#I AM SORRY #Not gt #Noodle facts

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seeker372011 · 3 years

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Travels in the Outback

Day 2

Our destination today was Lightning Ridge, but our first stop- an hour and a bit from Bourke- was Brewarrina.

I had been really looking forward to visiting the Heritage Listed Aboriginal Fish Traps here but was sorely disappointed to find that the water level in the river was so high that no signs of the fish traps were to be seen. A long way to come for nothing …but that’s how it is sometimes.

For anyone who doesn’t know of the fish traps, they are a fine example of Indigenous technology- including dry-stone wall technology, river hydrology and fish ecology, and are heritage listed.

Nearly half a kilometre long, these dry-stone weirs and ponds were designed to take advantage of the specific configuration of the landscape and seasonal changes in river flows. The pond gates were strategically located to trap fish as they migrated. For thousands of years, these traps were used to catch fresh water fish. The lady at Nyngan information centre told us that when she was last here she witnessed a young fellow grab a large fish from the waters, just as his ancestors have done for millennia.

There are some local claims made that these structures date back some 40,000 years; if true that would make them the oldest structures still existing that were made by humans.

Anyway having come here we took a tour run by a guide from the local aboriginal community. Apparently others to have taken the same tour recently included Prime Minister Scott Morrison, and the current Governor of NSW. We encountered no dignitaries, just a young couple who have sold their house and and have chosen to spend the next two years travelling around Australia.

Our final destination for the day was Lightning Ridge- a couple of hundred kilometres east along the Kamilroi Highway to Walgett and then about 80 kilometres north on the Castlereigh Highway

The drive is long and not, can I say, full of interest or variety.

The scenery hardly changes- stations- private properties presumably hundreds if not thousands of acres fenced off on both side of the road. The homestead hardly ever visible from the road, possibly kilometres away from the dirt road turnoffs that signal their presence. We came across a few emus occasionally. Cotton candy cloud - fluffy white front a blue sky- almost as they were painted on covered the sky keeping temperatures from crossing 35 degrees C.

The mirages started appearing as the morning wore on. First the most common mirage of all -what looks like water over the road just in front of you.. only to disappear into nothingness as you drive up, and reform once again further down the road.

Then there are the mirages that appear when you have no trees obstructing your view to the horizon. These looks like a vast inland sea spanning some 45 degrees with trees on the horizon apparently floating atop ; but this mirage too disappears as you hurtle along the highway at a 110 km per hour.

There were a few more cars on the Kamilroi Highway today compared to yesterday - but still clearly this appears to be another road less traveled, a road leading only to remote and- dare I say - lonely places.

Lightning Ridge when we got there though was a bit of a surprise. It’s been 20 years since we were last here and on that occasion they were running goat races down Main Street. it has changed quite a bit since then.

It looks rather interesting- interesting enough to make us decide - thanks in some part to the caravan parks “stay 3 days pay for two “offer- to “ linger longer”.

That will give us time to explore this town- and also plan where next.

The North is ruled out - the road to Queensland is cut off by floods .We will have to look at the East and South.

And see what we can find to do that’s if not “Quite”, is at least “ Somewhat”- Interesting

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bombshellsandbluebells · 6 years

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Romancing the Flame (1/?)

Summary: When Emori's brother is held hostage in exchange for a priceless, mythical jewel called the Flame, she teams up with sarcastic thief and treasure hunter, John Murphy.

But someone else is after the Flame too, and it's a race to find the lost city of Polis and the jewel hidden inside.

To get there first, Emori and John will have to overcome booby traps, mercenaries, and their mutual mistrust of each other.

AKA my ode to the classic action/adventure films of the 80s/90s, packed full of as many references and tropes as I can manage. The title is a reference to the film "Romancing the Stone." Official film poster here!

shout out to the ever lovely @infernalandmortal for editing!! she’s a rockstar!

read on ao3

Chapter One: The Key

The Blue Ridge Mountains rise high above the Virginia horizon. It’s early fall, and the air is cold and crisp with the coming winter. It hasn’t yet snowed; the mountains are still the vivid mix of greens and blues that inspired their name. From a distance, they look like an oil painting, with great, blue strokes to mark the peaks.

A dark green Jeep winds its way along a mountain road, moving steadily upwards. Inside, the atmosphere is colder than the outside air and half as pleasant. The three occupants – two men, one tall and gangly, one with what seems like a permanently annoyed expression, and a beautiful, young woman – sit in silence as they drive.

The frigidness radiates from the passenger seat where the young woman sits, toying with something in her pocket and staring moodily ahead. Her expression hovers on the edge of both excitement and anger, though the latter might just be a permanent disposition. Her features are soft and feminine, round cheeks and large, doe-like eyes, but her eyes hold a harshness that seems at odds with the rest of her face.

The man with the sour expression glances at her out of the corner of his eyes as he drives, then makes eye contact with the man in the backseat through the rearview mirror. The taller man shrugs, as if to say there’s not much they can do about it, and returns to his book.

The driver’s frown deepens; he shifts in his seat to a new position, then back again to where he started. He drums out a beat on the steering wheel to help fill the silence, and starts to hum under his breath along with the quietly playing radio.

They continue on like that for a few more miles, before the driver pulls the Jeep off the road and into the trees without warning. The ride grows rockier on the uneven terrain, and the woman has to brace herself against the window when they hit a particularly large bump, but the Jeep has little trouble pushing forward into the forest.

Eventually, they come to a steep, rocky incline, and the Jeep pulls to a stop.

The driver hops out of the car. “We’ll have to continue the rest of the way on foot,” he tells his companions as they follow. Together, the three of them grab a few things from the trunk – a camera, a shovel, various other pieces of equipment stuffed into two small bags – and, gear in hand, they begin their climb.

The incline is easier than it looks, though the woman still struggles a bit, clearly unused to the activity. The two men pull her up, and, once she’s on flat ground again, she pushes them roughly away from her and wipes at the dirt on her clothes. The shorter man makes a face at her, but says nothing, glancing again at the taller one. His companion, much like he had in the car, only shrugs good-naturedly.

With a huff, the shorter man takes the lead.

It’s several hours later when they finally stop in front of a large, empty clearing. The sun has begun to descend, and the trees cast large shadows over the three of them. The woman, breathing heavily and drenched in sweat from their hike, pulls a flashlight from her bag and turns it on. It isn’t quite dark enough yet to need it, but it helps a bit in the dim light. She searches the clearing in front of them, waving the beam back and forth.

“Where is it?” she asks. Her exhaustion from the hike makes her words sharp.

“Right here,” the shorter man says, stepping forward. He kicks at something on the ground. The clunk of his boot hitting against wood echoes through the clearing. The woman shines her flashlight at his foot. The light reveals a long, wooden plank built into the ground. It’s rotting with age and falling apart, but very clearly man-made.

“Foundations of a house,” the man continues, gesturing down at it. “This is all that’s left of the place.”

The woman looks up at him, lips pursed as if she’s eaten something sour. With a huff, she stomps forward into the ghostly remains of the old village. A few steps forward, she kicks roughly at a mound of dirt. The pile crumbles, and the cascading earth reveals the shattered porcelain remains of what must have once been a vase or pot.

It would likely be a great discovery for anyone else, overlooked as it has been for years out here, but the woman is unimpressed. She moves on, kicking at another mound, and then another, with little regard for preserving anything hidden within.

“How do you know this is it?” the taller man asks as the two of them watch the woman search. She’s growing increasingly agitated, kicking harder at the ground as if her anger will help unearth what she’s looking for.

The other man shrugs. “We had a map,” he explains. “And the leftover foundations prove there was at least something here at one point. Plus this.” He walks forward, stopping at the center of the clearing, then pulls out his own flashlight. Clicking it on, he points it at the ground. The other two join him and watch as he clears the sticks and leaves and brush away to reveal a large metal disc – almost like a manhole cover, but twice as large – set into the ground. In the center sits the engraving of an infinity symbol.

The whole thing seems out of place and alien in the forest.

“That’s their symbol,” the shorter man explains, his light trained on the engraving. “But,” he adds, glancing at the woman, “like I said – there’s nothing here anymore. We looked everywhere and didn’t find anything.”

She doesn’t even look at him. Her eyes are locked on the symbol, expression hungry; the shorter man thinks she looks a lot like a prowling mountain cat eyeing its prey.

“You didn’t have the key,” she says dramatically.

When she doesn’t continue, the shorter man rolls his eyes. “Okay, fine, be cryptic as fuck.”

The taller man nudges his arm and shoots him a disapproving face when he looks at him. His companion scowls back, but dutifully keeps quiet.

Their attention is drawn back to the woman when she kneels down and pulls something from her pocket. They lean forward to see it clearly.

It’s a metal coin, slightly larger than a quarter, and completely blank except for the same infinity symbol as the one in front of them. Instead of being engraved into the metal, however, this symbol is protruding.

The woman places it on top of the symbol on the ground. It fits perfectly, slotting into place like a puzzle piece. She turns it, and the symbol on the ground turns with it. There’s a click and then the rumbling of tumblers shifting and unlocking beneath them. The metal disc swings downwards suddenly. The two men jump. Now open, it reveals a long tunnel down into the earth. Suspended near the top is an old, rotting rope ladder.

It’s a bunker hidden in plain sight.

“Holy shit,” the shorter man breathes. For the first time, there’s no annoyance on his face. He’s grinning.

The three of them shine their lights down into the darkness. A few meters down, they can see the bunker floor.

“I told you,” the woman says smugly, pocketing the coin again. “You weren’t looking in the right place.”

“We didn’t know to look for this,” the shorter man argues. “I didn’t even think they had the technology for something like this. This is – shit. It’s like something out of a Tomb Raider game.”

The taller man grins. “Are you Lara?”

The shorter man shoves his arm. “Shut up,” he growls, but his voice is still bright with excitement, the words shaped by his grin.

The woman locks eyes with him, then nods down at the hole. “After you.”

“What happened to ladies first?” he asks. She glares at him, and he raises his hands in surrender, the flashlight spinning up into the darkening sky with the movement. “Alright, alright. But you’re paying extra if I get maimed by some kind of booby trap.”

“Just go,” she hisses.

The man tucks his flashlight into the back of his pants and grabs hold of the ladder. He gives it a few experimental tugs. It’s seen better years, but it appears to be holding, at least. And since they didn’t think to bring any ropes with them, it will have to do. Slowly, he lowers himself into the hole and starts his descent. Two twin beams of light shine down on him to light his way.

He reaches the floor and hesitates before placing his feet on it, his earlier joke about possible booby traps playing out vividly in his head. But his curiosity, and the promise of money, is too strong to ignore.

Nothing happens. He breathes a sigh of relief.

“What do you see?” the taller man calls from above.

“Nothing yet,” he yells back, pulling his flashlight out again. “Gimme a minute!”

He flickers the flashlight on and examines his surroundings. The bunker opens up wider than expected. It’s large enough to house several people and appears to have been prepared to do so. There are tables and what look like beds along the walls. In the far corner, there’s an area reserved for cooking and storing food. From where he stands, he can just barely make out tidy rows of dust-covered jars lined along the shelves.

He almost expects to find skeletons, but there aren’t any. Anyone who once used this place left before they died – and clearly no one has been here since. The thick layer of dust and cobwebs that covers everything speaks to the years this place has gone untouched.

There’s a thud behind him as the young woman drops down into the bunker. The taller man follows much more slowly behind her, clearly hesitant to put his full weight on the rotted rope.

The woman pushes roughly past the shorter man and starts searching the items left behind, tossing things aside carelessly after she looks them over. Her movements kick up large clouds of dust. She coughs roughly, then pulls her jacket up over her face and continues.

The shorter man isn’t sure what she’s searching for – treasure maybe. He thinks that would be his only reason to seek out an ancient underground bunker. Unfortunately for her, there doesn’t seem to be anything of much value here. Either the people took it when they fled the village or it never existed to begin with.

He starts his own search, keeping an eye out for the glint of gold, moving the items around much more carefully than the woman had. The beam of his flashlight catches on something interesting, and he stops.

The wall farthest from the entrance is covered in paintings. Half of the wall depicts some long-forgotten story – he steps closer to examine the scenes.

A group of people stand in front of a city, the familiar infinity symbol painted above them. A woman appears, painted in bright, vivid red instead of the black that makes up the rest of the mural. After that, there is chaos – though it’s hard to parse out exactly what happens in the simplistic style of the paintings, it’s clear the red woman stands at the heart of it. In the final scene, a smaller group of people flee the city. The red woman stays behind.

It must be a retelling of the people’s history, though it’s hard to understand without the proper context. He turns to the second half of the wall. Instead of a story, it's covered in a large painted map. There’s no ‘x’ to mark the spot, but it feels like a treasure map all the same, the end destination marked with the familiar infinity symbol. He glances back at the mural, then again at the map, staring at the familiar symbol it leads to.

It’s the city, he realizes. It’s Polis.

His excitement is so strong he can taste it.

He glances around at the others for the camera, but it’s clear neither of them carried it down. It must be above ground with the rest of their gear. He heads quickly towards the exit, and, as he grabs hold of the rope ladder and gets a foot on it, the other man turns to look at him in confusion.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m grabbing the camera,” he explains as he starts to climb. The rope ladder strains a bit, but it holds his weight well enough to pull himself up. “To take pictures of the map.” It doesn’t take long to climb the rope. In a matter of minutes, the man reaches the top and pulls himself out of the hole, hurrying quickly towards the pile of gear they’ve left above ground.

Back in the bunker, the woman startles at the man’s words. The porcelain vase she’d been holding drops to the ground, where it shatters with a crash. She doesn’t even spare the pieces a second glance as she approaches the painted wall. When her eyes catch on the map, she gasps. For the first time during the trip, she looks happy.

The man in front of her studies the map with obvious curiosity. He doesn’t even glance at her as she steps up behind him. Or when she reaches for her lower back and removes the small, silver pistol hidden there beneath her heavy jacket. Or as she aims it carefully at his head.

He’s dead before he hits the ground.

One down, she thinks.

#memori #memori fic #emori #john murphy #the 100 #the 100 fic #dailymemori #my stories #romancing the flame #I FORGOT TO TAG THE AMAZING AMANDA HOW COULD I FORGET

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mst3kproject · 7 years

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1004: Future War

There are movies that over-reach themselves, and then there's Future War.

Some opening titles tell us that time-travelling cyborgs occasionally drop in to our planet to harvest humans as slaves (because the cyborgs have no thumbs) and dinosaurs as trackers (because somebody wanted dinosaurs in their movie). One slave has escaped to Earth, where he successfully fights off the cyborgs and dinosaurs only to be ignominiously run down by a nun in a station wagon. She takes him to a halfway house to recover, but the dinosaurs follow them there, and Sister Anne is forced to call on her gang connections to protect her new friend from the extraterrestrial manhunters.

My god, it's like a twelve-year-old rented Jurassic Park and The Terminator in the same evening, watched them while drinking his parents' liquor, and decided to make a movie. Somebody really should have objected that you can't film a sci-fi epic with cyborgs and dinosaurs when all you have is seventeen dollars and a video camera. When a movie can't possibly realize its ambitions but tries anyway, I often find that entertaining in itself, but Future War aims just a little too high, and falls just a little too short. It passes 'bad', speeds right through 'so bad it's good', and enters the wasteland beyond.

Future War does at least tell us upfront what it's about: its theme is faith. Sister Anne's story is basically a tale of redemption. She has made mistakes that she cannot undo: her murdered friend can never come back, and her criminal record will follow her throughout her life. She has turned to the church because God is supposed to be infinitely forgiving – but her real problem is that she cannot forgive herself. She therefore finds herself asking all the old questions about the Christian universe. How can God be good when the world is such a horrible place? How can rape and murder, war and starvation, be part of a loving deity's plan? When we meet her, she is on the verge of rejecting the church altogether, as it has not brought her the peace she sought.

Then she meets the escaped slave, whom the credits simply call Runaway. He is seeking not redemption, but freedom, to make his own choices and use his own abilities to do what he wants. Those abilities are meager, limited to what any human being could learn to do with his or her body, but the point is that he gets to choose how to direct them. He has latched on to one line from the Bible as his inspiration: John 15:13, greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends; he wants to do things out of love, not because he's following orders. Through him, Anne comes to understand that her religious devotion should not be about whether she understands why the world is the way it is (Isaiah 55:8) or about whether she can forgive herself for her past – it's about what she can do for others, to try to make this imperfect world a little better. She is then able to turn the most shameful parts of her past, her connections with the gangs and drug lords, into a weapon to fight the invaders.

This actually sounds like a fairly powerful arc for a piece of fiction. It's also more feminist than it may at first appear. Sister Anne's past, her current crisis, and her decisions are all her own, and the other characters repeatedly emphasize this. The men at the halfway house helped her at her lowest, but they tell her they cannot choose her future for her. Runaway comes into her life not with solutions to her problems, but as part of a series of events that help her understand how her approach to those problems has been flawed. He is an inspiration to her search for answers, rather than an answer in himself. The movie even passes the Bechdel Test, as Sister Anne and her mother superior talk about her crisis of faith.

It's really pretty astonishing to realize that Future War, of all things, contains the seeds of a good movie. A film about an agnostic nun and an escaped slave helping each other find themselves sounds like Oscar bait. It just needs the right writers. Too bad Future War has only David Huey and Dom Magwali. They're the ones credited for coming up with the story and writing the script, so they're the ones to blame for deciding this story about faith, redemption, and good works needed cyborgs and dinosaurs in it.

That was really not a good decision. I'm not saying a movie with cyborgs and dinosaurs couldn't have been an entertaining or even meaningful movie in the right hands, but this movie was absolutely ruined by them, because the most obvious feature of Future War is how desperately cheap it is. They had so little money they filmed the entire thing on a single camera. How do I know that? Well, there's that scene in which we see a guy who's supposed to be filming a news report. If they'd had a second camera on the set, they surely would have used it as a prop in this shot, but they didn't. They taped a spare lens to a cardboard box and pretended that was a camera. It's kind of hilarious, except it's also kind of sad. You laugh as you cry tears of pity for these poor souls. With no budget for a second camera, how were they ever going to manage halfway-convincing cyborgs and dinosaurs? The answer, of course, is that they didn't.

Special effects in a movie don't have to be perfect. Suspension of disbelief is more powerful than I think Hollywood often gives it credit for, and a special effect with seams around the edges needn't ruin a movie. Think of Teenagers from Outer Space and its focusing disintegrator ray. The doctor's office skeleton they use to represent the victims doesn't look real for a moment but it's good enough. It tells you what happened and it isn't so terrible that you dwell on it at the expense of the story. Effects can even get worse than that and still make the movie entertaining – Teenagers from Outer Space also had a lobster for its monster, but that was so stupid it was fun in its own right.

The dinosaurs in Future War fall yet further down the suck scale. They're too crappy to add anything to the movie. Even as a joke, they quickly wear thin. Several shots are literally a hand puppet being waved in front of the camera – the, uh, 'film-makers', I guess, put it closer than the actors to make it look bigger, but it never works. The full-body puppets they use in other scenes are almost kind of okay as long as they aren't moving, but as soon as they're supposed to do anything you realize they're as rubbery and immobile as those animatronic ones you might see at the zoo in the summer. Their knees don't bend. There's a bit where a dinosaur supposedly falls into a pit, and they literally just pushed the puppet in. It bounces off the wall on the way down.

The movie can't decide how big the dinosaurs are. Sometimes they're huge and sometimes they're small enough to fit in your carry-on luggage. Sister Anne's narration does note that they come in various shapes and sizes, but that doesn't work as an explanation when an individual dinosaur appears to change size with the camera angle. The one that breaks open the halfway house's window seems like it's supposed to be enormous when we're looking from behind it, and about as big as a German shepherd when we're inside the room.

The cyborgs aren't great either. They look kind of like members of an underfunded 80s metal band, but they're better than the dinosaurs. A big part of the reason the dinosaurs suck so terribly is that the viewer quickly realizes they aren't even necessary. The cyborgs, okay, sure. Runaway is supposed to have escaped from time-travelling aliens or maybe humans from the future (the script cannot decide), and the cyborgs could represent either. The dinosaurs, however, are 'trackers'. There is absolutely no reason why they needed dinosaurs in this role. Ordinary dogs, perhaps with a few cardboard contraptions to represent cybernetic enhancements, would have done just fine and been way more believable.

Then again, the dinosaurs also kind of make the movie. A bad movie about a nun, a runaway slave, and cyborgs from space would just have been a bad movie. A bad movie about a nun, a runaway slave, cyborgs from space, and dinosaurs crosses some sort of line where people like me (and the Best Brains) sit up and notice. It goes past “that sounds so bad” into “that sounds so bad I need to see it”. The result is deeply disappointing but by then it's too late. Dinosaurs aren't really necessary to this, either, though. Zombies or ninjas would have the same effect, be way cheaper, and look much better on screen with the budget they had.

What this movie really needed was for somebody to say no. No, you guys. We can't do this – we don't even have enough money for a second camera, we can't possibly have cyborgs and dinosaurs in this movie. Can we scale it back a bit? Apparently nobody involved had the common sense to say that, and as a result, the movie is a dirt-cheap disaster. Even as an MST3K episode, it's at best sort of amusing... it never really reaches any heights because the movie doesn't offer them any kind of foundation to build on. It just sucks.

The police captain in Future War is named Captain Polaris, which sounds like a second-string Canadian superhero. That would have made for a better movie, too.

#mst3k #reviews #future war #90s #dinosaurs make everything better

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daveywankenobie · 5 years

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I will get the obvious out of the way.

I’m NOT feeling down.

There’s not a single fibre of my being that’s blue, malcontent, irritable, sad, annoyed, dissatisfied or irascible.

I have my mojo back and I’m workin it baby!

Part of my mood is (as always) attributable to a calming (and creative) nearby presence, who – while I write – is creating her own unique little pieces of art and beavering away with pliers and metal next to me.

It’s not at all unusual to see these little ‘jump rings’ floating around the house (occasionally the hoover finds more than it’s fair share) and in a radical departure from how things used to be I now find that I live in a world where (for the very first time in my life) I’m considering and appreciating the aesthetic merits of all kinds of jewellery.

This used to be something I wasn’t particularly keen on.

I have always viewed people (male or female) that were dripping in jewellery as materialistic. I didn’t understand why they needed such (usually golden) things, and for the longest time (mostly because I wanted simplicity but also because I had fat sweaty wrists) I never even wore a watch.

When I make the first tentative attempts to connect with my other half and we began to learn more about eachother I shared my thoughts on such matters.

She replied outright that she had a weakness for jewellery.

My honest thought at the time was ‘uh-oh… I hope she’s not high maintenance…’ but it turned out that nothing could be further from the truth – unless that is you count the endless cups of tea required to keep her running smoothly.

What I didn’t realise at the time was that she made a large amount of the jewellery that she wore herself – and what she didn’t construct with her numerous tools and materials was usually purchased frugally from very individual and bespoke suppliers.

I realised very quickly when we became closer that the items she owned were pretty much never made of precious metals or set with rare stones (many are constructed with things like Lego!) but each and every item reflected her unique personality and tastes.

Tonight, while I’ve been creating this post she created this chain mail bracelet – and it just blows me away that I have such a quirky and inventive little soul next to me whenever I need cheering up.

I can’t just expect her to deliver my good mood whilst I give nothing in return though.

At times this can be hard and I feel like I’ve struggled a bit in the last few weeks. I’ve had to lean into my partner and other people more than I normally would (which is a natural part of life) but this week I finally feel like I’m making headway again.

As I’ve mentioned in my last few blogs my mindset recently has been a carefully cultivated one that’s taken a lot of effort to turn into something that is once again positive.

After burying my head in the metaphorical sand for a while and packing a good few pounds back on in the process I decided that the only way to tackle the issue I’d created was head on.

I needed to work hard, try at all times to be a ‘can do’ person and follow the Slimming World plan, which for me means no longer giving myself free reign to eat like an idiot.

It also means moving my arse more because not doing so has been a big contributor to my weight gain recently.

So in an effort to change I’ve explored all around Warwickshire this week, and in doing so discovered that despite the cold and grim weather there are still many flashes of colour or interest to be found when you’re out and about.

For a start there are mushroom rings everywhere!

I love that there’s always something new to find when you’re out walking. The natural world changes all the time – and the only thing I never seem to find when I’m outside in it is boredom.

It’s not just the natural world that holds joy and interest mind you.

Getting out and about regardless of where you go is good for the soul because there’s life of many different kinds of life to be found everywhere and lots of people to talk to or just watch as they pass by.

On Friday I walked into Coventry Market with a friend and we spent a while combing through the fruit and veg stalls where the variety and quality of produce puts most supermarkets to shame.

Around one third of these items are completely alien to me. I’ve never cooked with them, and I wouldn’t know where to begin in some cases (particularly with the bitter melon) but I love that we live in such a culturally diverse society that all of the Chinese, Indian and English sellers that were in the market have space for their wares and ALL of them seemed to have a bustling, diverse and above all engaged clientele.

There’s life inside that run down looking building that you can’t find in a supermarket.

Within its walls you can interact with, touch, smell, feel and examine items that aren’t everyday objects – or at least they aren’t to me.

In this environment my childhood returns to me – because a greengrocer was (back then) a daily reality in which potatoes were covered in dirt, cucumbers curled like springs and apples were different shapes colours, tastes and sizes.

Fruits and vegetables had bumps, knobbles and imperfections which I loved and shopping back then didn’t require removal of leaves and mud.

You got to see the way that items looked when they’d been pulled out of the ground – without them being sanitised and shoved in clear plastic to put under 24×7 spotlights.

I absolutely love the naturalness of this scruffy little place – and I can’t believe that until six months ago I’d never ever been there before.

If you haven’t visited yourself then leave your car (or bus) at War Memorial Park and take a walk into town (it’s only a mile away – you can do it!). If you have an Ikea Family card then you can also get a free tea or coffee in their nearby cafe.

If you don’t purchase anything you still get a cheap day out and some exercise – which I’ll admit was the main reason for this discovery in the first place.

This brings me neatly onto my next topic – because If you’re not in calorie deficit and moving about as much as possible then you won’t lose weight.

In my Apple Watch stats I haven’t failed to hit all of my daily exercise goals for over two years – but during the last few months I’ve gradually done a little less every day and eaten either the same amount or more.

My life is a pretty fine balance due to my reliance on rather large portion sizes, and I’ve had to accept recently that I simply cannot get away with eating huge volumes of (very good non processed and natural) free food without then immediately burning it off.

The truth is that although my stats look good they have to be viewed with a bit more of an inquisitive eye.

My walking distance is great – and it’s remained constant throughout the year (now I swim as well) at about eight miles a day.

My average swimming distance shows that I do around 50 continuous lengths of the pool each time I swim, meaning I have great stamina. However what it doesn’t show in this average is that last month I went swimming less times in October than since I started in November 2018.

Bad Davey.

The stats that really can’t lie – and highlight the dip in the number of times I’ve swum are my active energy ones (kcal expended through movement above normal ‘just living and breathing’ levels) and my exercise minutes.

Whilst they’re probably higher than a lot of people’s daily burn they have (by my standards) tailed off lately, and in August (shortly after I handed over to the new MOTY) they pretty much said ‘enough of this sh*t – I’m staying on the sofa.’

As you can see in November I’ve begun to address this – and after a slow start to the month I’m once again cooking on gas. Since weighing in last Saturday I’ve managed to walk 80+ miles and swum 7.5km.

After taking a 12lb gain on the chin last weekend I had two choices – sort it out with activity and a positive mindset or deal with it by burying my face in the fridge.

I’ve therefore been very active and very outdoorsy.

I’ve also cooked every large, hearty meal from scratch and prepared the breakfasts, lunches and dinners for myself and my other half each day (I just love cooking for us both) with feeling satisfied and full in mind.

There have been no complaints from her – and looking back at some of the week’s pictures I think you’ll agree we’ve not gone hungry!

It’s fair to say though that in between these shots an awful lot of plums and carrots also died to service our needs to snack between meals.

There were also some more serious transgressions involved though – and on Thursday I hoovered up 200g of sweet popcorn in one very flexible evening that equalled 44 syns. I refuse to feel guily though. I really enjoyed it – and after some epic exercise genuinely felt I deserved a treat.

I felt absolutely zero guilt.

Neither of us has.

We’ve instead had a pact that’s revolved around promising eacother that we’d focus on our individual sabotaging behaviours and do our level best to support eachothers’ success – which we have.

My partner’s weaknesses and mine are quite different – but we’re the same in that (like most people) we fall down in times of stress or worry. Although it’s been tough for both of us to turn things around it’s also been really empowering to take our bulls by their horns and wrestle them to the floor.

This week – thanks to our individual commitments (and efforts with walking and swimming which have been mutually engaged in as much as possible) this has resulted in huge strides.

We both had big losses on the scales this morning and for the first time in a while since I got my new Slimming World book (which frankly looks like a complete mess to me with its gains and losses) I feel really proud of myself.

This morning I smashed out a 9.5lb loss!

Now – I don’t for a minute think that this is sustainable and I’m sure that at least half of this is fluid rather than fat. I know this because I can feel the bloat and swell when I’m not eating right.

If I change my habits then I pee like a racehorse for a day or two and then I’m magically a few pounds lighter. It’s only after the first couple of days that the real weight loss starts. With this in mind I’ve probably lost about 4-5lbs in real terms.

This is still a fabulous weight loss – but I’m not naive enough to think I’ll get this figure regularly.

I’ve been doing this too long now and I know my body.

When Angie asked my how much I wanted to lose by next week my reply was simply ‘a loss’, because to lose lose two weeks in a row with an initial spurt like that is no easy task and I don’t want to set myself up for a fall.

I don’t want to put anything on or maintain – just a loss is enough for me.

So that’s it.

The result of hard work.

Now to do it over and over again every week until I get back to target!!!!

Davey

Got my mojo back baby! OK I will get the obvious out of the way. I'm NOT feeling down. There's not a single fibre of my being that's blue, malcontent, irritable, sad, annoyed, dissatisfied or irascible.

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occasionalgypsies · 5 years

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After going to Rockport and Port A in South Texas in Jan/Feb to try and outrun the cold (ahem, it was pretty cool and rainy most days but still, better than the weather in Dallas), our next adventure, just as Texas started to warm right up to comfy poolside temps, was to head off to Santa Fe, NM for all of April!

In a nutshell I have to say Santa Fe and all of NM really are: hauntingly beautiful with lots of light variations and distant mountain ranges in shades of blue/black; wonderfully dry so colds aren’t too cold and hots aren’t too hot; amazingly bug free allowing for open windows; quiet, even in the busiest of places because it only has maybe 2 million people IN THE ENTIRE STATE; full of some friendly people; brown (everyone seems to have signed a pact to build only earth tone adobe houses which while beautiful and well designed to blend, can be very monotonous); and loaded with Santa Fe cuisine (lots of red and hatch green chili sauces and stacked enchiladas, packing some heat).

We’ve really loved it. We have the good fortune to be house sitting through Trusted Housesitters, and have a lovely place up in the hills from Santa Fe a few miles. We hear Robert Redford lives right down the road but Stanley and I have yet to see him on our walks up his way. Here’s Stanley, our delightful little Schih Tzu for the month.

Anyway, following are a few of the highlights from our trip that to me, you shouldn’t miss.

Bar Z Winery near Palo Duro Canyon

Palo Duro Canyon

Our abode for the night in Palo Duro

Cadillac Ranch!

On our way from TX, we decided to check one item off of Jim’s bucket list, and spend the night at the bottom of Palo Duro Canyon. Did you know that it’s the second largest in the US, after the ol’ Grand? I didn’t. Don’t ask me based on what, I just read that somewhere. It was pretty amazing (upon driving past the first spot where you could kinda see it, Jim exclaimed, “Look at that, it’s almost like a…” and then he looked at the expression on my face, and stopped talking, because, ya know yes, it’s kind of like a canyon over there, like the one we put in our GPS maybe!) We spent the night in a decently comfy bed/cabin, no heat or air necessary due to it being early April in TX., and we had just a lovely time. FYI, I suggest a stop at Bar Z winery nearby, nice wines and amazing views of part of the Canyon. And you HAVE to check out Cadillac Ranch and spray paint something there. Pro tip: don’t buy any spray paint unless you are really picky, there’s plenty there for the taking.

Palo Duro Canyon

Bar Z Winery near Palo Duro Canyon

Our abode for the night in Palo Duro

Cadillac Ranch!

So after that overnight stay, we were off to Santa Fe! The scenery rather abruptly changed at one point, from flat grassland to scrubby, hilly desert. And then at one point, I realized, holy cow, I haven’t seen a person or a building or a cow or ANYTHING for a looooong time. Texans like to think we have wide open spaces but wow, even on the major highways you might see nothing here for an hour. Pretty cool, I have to say. Except don’t come here if you are addicted to your interwebs on your tele-device. Cell services is more like an occasional surprise than a reliable utility. Get used to it!

If you can, spend some time on Route 66 here. Lots of kitsch of the charming kind. We went through Tucumcari, partly because I like saying it and partly because it said it had some of the best art around. As you can see, it has some mighty fine stuff! I didn’t post the wall crawling with cockroaches because while it was cool, it really creeps me out.

OK, just kidding, here it is.

Anyhoo, we arrived, and all was beautiful if a bit chilly. The mornings were often in the 30s, but again, didn’t really feel too cold and it warmed up fast. Temps in the 60s are pretty mild here, being high altitude, sunny and low humidity. 70s feel great. 80s, you’re going to get hot and thirsty if you are out for long.

One of the first things we did was take a drive to check out the Rio Grande Gorge. It was pretty spectacular, even if the little phone box telling you not to lose hope freaked me out a bit. Smart, but still.

The scenery was awesome. Best part was we found a road that led to the bottom of the Gorge, where just a few people were hanging out fishing or relaxing. We like finding out of the way spots like that. On a warmer day, I could have hung out there all day, reading and swimming.

Rio Grande River Gorge

The crisis hotline at the gorge bridge

Jim at the bottom of the Rio Grande River Gorge, via a remote little dirt road

Another day we decided to take the high road to Taos (they actually call it that, we weren’t being especially virtuous or anything), a drive known for its beauty. There’s a faster way, but don’t do it. We also sort of accidentally took some kind of big circle around the mountaintop called the Enchanted Circle, also known for its scenery, mainly because I also wanted to see Red River where I spent some truly special time as a kid (Community House, you seem a sad shell of your former self, I hope I’m wrong, but prob you don’t have square dancing and hand jive lessons any more, sniffle) and because I wanted to drive through Angel Fire which I had never seen (we didn’t look too hard but it was just OK).

Next, we visited Bandelier National Monument, took a long hike and saw some great petroglyphs. You can also climb up ladders to see inside the old caves the Native Americans carved out of the little mini-caves in the cliff face. Saw some cool deer. Also took a drive to Jemez Springs and saw Soda Falls (below) along the way. Super cool, the river rushes through a small opening, lots of dripping mineral formations and a random hot spring on the side of the road. Also, Jemez Springs seemed fun and nicely isolated although we didn’t stop.

Bandelier Deer

Gophers on the roadside maybe?

Bandelier

Deer everywhere at Bandelier

Soda Springs

Soda Falls

Then, our friends came to visit! Super fast, we did a lot of stuff. We went to some Breaking Bad locations in Albuquerque, went to the Georgia O’Keefe museum in Santa Fe (totally worth it, and then in honor of her I took a very O’Keefe photo of the sky over the buildings outside), we experienced snow shaped like tiny little snowballs, we drove up to the Santa Fe ski area and saw snow-covered trees, we got caught in a crazy snowstorm that made us feel like we were Han Solo hyperdriving through space, and we geeked out on a roadside attraction full of those funny little plywood art thingies that you put your head in for photos. That was in the most adorable town of all around here, Madrid (pronounced like Bad-rid, accent on the first syllable). Some great restaurants, shops and live music, don’t say we didn’t tell you to stop there because we did.

Go see the Key Frances Band at the Mine Shaft Cantina in Madrid. You won’t be sorry. Especially on a beautiful day. (Ugh, didn’t write down the name of the band, sorry).

Also, if you like mysteries or funky art, go to Meow Wolf. Just go. It’s unique, although I highly recommend going when kids are in school if you don’t want to be overrun. And if you don’t want to work on solving the puzzles, you still might like it but you might not think it’s worth the $25 admission fee. We stayed 6 hours so, it was worth it to us, even if I think they need to work on shorter clues for the next rendition!

Jim through the wormhole

“They” are always watching

My fav, the 3D art (glasses required)

Lovely quote: When in doubt, just doubt your doubt.

For our final (up to now) adventure, we took the tram up to Sandia Peak, which was breathtaking. It has the longest cable span in the US (world?), so they say. If you are afraid of heights, I’d advise against it though! And last but definitely not least, we availed ourselves of the iconic spa here, 10,000 Waves. Very Japanese, very relaxing, expensive but not crazy so unless you do what we did and get the Shiatsu 80 minute massage, the head/neck massage, the foot/leg massage, the facial and a regular mini-massage. That’s a bit pricey, but it was a celebration and so, we splurged. Don’t forget to build in time for the baths, the sauna, etc. I hear you can even go to the dining room in your spa robe!

That’s it for now. I guess that’s enough. I’ll have one more post from our weekend bonanza of cramming in all the sights we’ve missed so far, plus our drive home through Roswell and Carlsbad Caverns. So long for now!

Top of Sandia Peak

One of the big towers for the Sandia Peak Tram

Ah…10,000 Waves

So, logically, next we went to a cool place… After going to Rockport and Port A in South Texas in Jan/Feb to try and outrun the cold (ahem, it was pretty cool and rainy most days but still, better than the weather in Dallas), our next adventure, just as Texas started to warm right up to comfy poolside temps, was to head off to Santa Fe, NM for all of April!

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papermoth-bird-blog · 5 years

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Mexico: the dog days of Donna & Dianne.

As Katie, Celeste & I sat at the bar one night in Tulum, she laughed at the characters we had taken on. Celeste with her dark winged sunnies, was Dianne, a serious business woman on vacation. She’s a bit of a mom type, but knows how to party. Or maybe a model with a business brain. I laughed and agreed that there was a certain quality Celeste had about herself here, she was definitely a Dianne. Every time the humidity mingles with my hair, it grows like a 80s hairband groupie. Since the villa, Katie has been calling this character that accompanies it, Donna. From what I can tell, Donna seems like a bit of a mall rat, with questionable aesthetic tastes. I’m pretty sure it was Donna that picked out the leopard print bathing suit I’ve been wearing here. She was probably the one that picked out the ripped t-shirt I’ve been favouring too. Between all of us, Dianne & Donna have been welcomed guests in the friend group. They’ve mixed it up a little bit & added quite a bit of humour. Especially as we met new people and they started calling us Donna & Dianne because they thought those were our real names.

The last few days in Mexico were certainly slow moving ones too. In the heat, there is something more difficult about motivating yourself to do something more than just eating cold things and hanging out on the beach. I tried to channel that lacks attitude towards doing some internal work- diary writing, and a lot of reading. I finished two books over that time- which felt really good.

Overall, I have kind of felt like I already have one foot out of the door of this trip. I don’t want to say I am bored per se, because I have been able to fill my time with things that have certainly entertained me. Things I do not normally have time to work on, but I when I stay put, I want to be able to to crafts, which isn’t easy to source out here. I also have become so used to my alone time, I feel myself dissociating when I don’t get enough of it. Spending more time of my phone, my eyes glazing over, tuning people out- not on purpose, but as a symptom of not practicing what I now know about myself. I mean, I’m glad that I am learning these things about myself now. in the past, it was always very alarming when I felt myself dissociating and not being aware in the slightest as to why that was happening.

I am trying to be both honest with myself about how I am feeling, and productive with the time I have. I am learning I am not so much a beach-vacation kind of person- or rather, it just is not something I find stimulating or relieving at this moment of time. I want to read and be in cultural hubs. I want to meet people that are hustling and doing interesting things for themselves and their wider community. I want to see weird community theatre & support musicians who are still finding their footing. Maybe I’ll be ready for a vacation like that when I’m older and need a break. Right now though, I am sitting very comfortable with my life & am enjoying the momentum I feel in my life. I don’t need a break from my life! I love my life! I want to keep living and growing.

Celeste & Katie & I decided to watch “The Dirt” which is the new MOtley Crue Biopic. It was gratitous and crude in every way you can imagine. It was humbling in the way that it reminded me of all the things I am committing to cutting out of my life. And all the ways I am happy without those things. Yet, there is the smallest part of me, that still has this tiny crush on Tommy Lee. I think it’s just residual from my persistent love of drummers.

We expanded out food choices beyond just tacos finally- eating a soup dish called pasole (sp??). It comes in two varieties- green and read. The vegetarian version is basically just made of these giant corn kernels that are an ancient crop here. Eli was telling us that I may be a have originated from this really ancient mayan dish with a dark back story (that involves human sacrifices) but I am not entirely sure if I buy it. There is a little female chihuahua that lives around the corner from us that we named after the soup. Katie has been going back and forth in her mind as to whether or not she wants to adopt her and bring her home to Canada. I keep tell her that I’m pretty sure she has a family. There are just so many dogs in Mexico & most of them don’t wear collars. These stray dogs are honestly one of my favourite parts of Mexico. My craving to own a dog is becoming more and more real. I am starting to feel as if I finally may be ready to settle down enough to handle that amount of responsibility too.

Speaking of dogs- I have been trying to embrace the dog days attitude. I only really go to the cafes to drink fruit juices and lounge around reading. CoConAmour has been a really good spot for that. It’s a little more of a gentrified cafe- but has a very relaxed bohemian vibe about it. The seating area is outside & full of couches and comfy chairs draped with tapestries. The menu is centred on fresh & healthy vegetarian options. The little store out front has all kinds of health foods. They also run all kinds of dance & excersize work shops during the day & evenings. There are some other little cafes that encourage this really laid back attitude- but this one was the best for it. No one is in a rush there, which is admittedly a relief.

The funny thing is, that a few of the real locals- the ones who are from this area- jokingly apologized to me at several points about Mexicans moving at such a slow pace. This joke is familiar to me, as we say the same thing amongst the Mediterranean side of my family. In my experience, however, I haven’t felt Mexico being a particular laid back kind of place. I am positive it is because of the driving tourist industry. The whole area depends on it and because of that, everyone is trying to hustle as much as they can. In doing so, many are literally just trying to rip you off as much as possible, preying on the fact that tourists don’t have a full grasp on the currency & the language. It’s been breaking my heart in a few different ways (and Katie has notably been upset by it too). I mean, I understand it all and why it happens like this,. It just reminds me how how nasty capitalism is- how much it divides us, how much it is used to oppress other people. It’s hard to be around, but for that reason I’ve been trying to really process it, instead of looking away from it.

When the group wanted to go out dancing, I have stayed home. I’ve been enjoying being low key more and more. Celeste’s last night- I did end up going out though. And I was definitely glad I did. The bar we went to was a little more low key. I had a couple virgin cocktails with real sugar cane. So I basically sat there, chewing on cane getting up to dance when they put the Talking Heads “This must be the place” on over the PA. *That song is one of the songs that has been following me around along this trip* I slipped out early with Eli- as I was getting pretty tired at the point that I felt everyone up revving up for the night. Katie’s new friend Ross was ordering multiple drinks at once, and I could Tell Zeus was also keen to stay out as late as possible. We did all make plans to go on an adventure the following day, however. (Besides Celeste, of course, who was leaving early the next day). Zeus was heading into Merida, the state capital. Ross & I were pretty keen on seeing the huge Mayan ruins in Cabo.

The next morning, Eli & I both got out of bed at our regular early hour. Celeste came in to say a quick goodbye & departed for the bus stop. Katie took much longer to even begin stirring. Of course, what they said was going to “for sure be an early night” ended up being quite a long, drunken one. That’s fine by me too, I think the both of them were keen to have that kind of night at one point. I was just glad that I decided to go home before it escalated too much. Ross came over, and we picked up Zeus. By then, it was the afternoon, and we didn’t really have all that much time to get to Merida- especially if we wanted to explore the towns along the way.

We decided to stop in Valladolid where Zeus could get out and take the bus to Merida. As soon as we saw the quiet little town, we decided to stay for a least a short while. The building were all low and painted in pastel colours. They reminded me slightly of some of the houses in San Francisco. The streets were all cobble stone & pretty narrow. At the centre of town, was a beautiful square with a huge spanish church at one end. We decided to eat lunch & then walk around some more. As we did, we feel more in love. Katie was so relieved to be experiencing this side of Mexico. The people were much more genuine, and must less pushy & ready to joke along with you. Ross & I picked out a few post cards as we exchanged travel stories.

Ross has told us so many stories about his adventures in Kaui, it has really planted a seed about going there. He described it in such a magical way- as a place filled with such magic & stillness & spirit. He shared a really difficult story, about coming across the body of a hiker under a waterfall. It broke the spell of the magic of travelling- but only enough to remind us all of what a privilege it is to be able to visit these places & explore these spaces. More than that though, what a privilege it is to be alive & be able to simply live our lives.

Again, we got caught up exploring the town. As the time ticked by, we realized it was too late to get to the pyramid (because we were on the boarder of two different time zones, so confusing!) We embraced it & ventured over to the Centote at the center of town. We didn’t have high hopes, exactly for it. I mean, it was at the centre of the town! And there were so many cars around. We walked through the small market place past the brick walls & paid the small entrance fee. To enter the Cenotote, you have to walk through this underground tunnel. In the tunnel, there are usually a few men dressed like animals- in the ways the Mayans did in ceremony.

When you finally break through to the light on the otherside, the view is breath taking. it was like something out of Ferngully. The Centote (Zaci) was such a piecing pure blue. Not to mention the fact that it was absolutely huge. It is half in a cave, but the sun drips in past the vines. Further back in the cave, it is cool, and those who are not swimming seek shelter there. There is such a family feeling there. Though so many people are there, it never feel cramped. There is just enough reverence held for the place, the magic remains. Even as everyone jumps of the cliff edges into the pool of water. It was without a doubt, the highlight of the trip for me & am go grateful to be able to experience. Especially knowing that this was such a sacred space for the indigenous people of the area. (.... and probably the site of many sacrifices).

We made our way back to Tulum slowly, enjoying the time we had outside of town. As we ate dinner in the little taqueria, we watched the most gorgeous plum sunset drop down behind the lake. I was so content to be in the world, be there, but alone in my head. It fuelled a lot of fodder, but in a healthy way. I found myself coming to centre again. It was such a relief.

When we woke the next morning, Katie & Ross were again, so to rise. We again ran out of time to make it to the ruins with enough time for me to catch my bus to the airport. It was okay with me, though, as I was actually becoming so excited to go to Ontario. A feeling that was utterly foreign to me, and relieving in a way I can’t quite pin point. Katie & Ross decided to go on their own. I again said some quick goodbyes (quick goodbyes are preferable) & got to packing. I did my best to clean up the air b n b & said my final goodbye to Eli. I hadn’t had to lug all my bags in a long time, and I was again humbled, by the effort I had to put in to keep up a good pace. I kinda laughed at myself though & the fact that every time I thought my bag was the absolute fullest it could be, I managed to fit more things in it.

I got to the bus station with ten minutes to go before the next bus. The line was quite big & I was becoming nervous I would miss it. I started to sweat for more the heat. The next bus wasn’t for 3 and a half hours. As I got to the booth & handed her my card, she informed me that I could only pay with card more than an hour in advance of the bus’ departure. I cursed under my breath as I had gone pretty much the whole trip without much cash- only using card. I picked apart my bag, looking through pockets of pants I had worn in my travels through the US, knowing I had shoved ones into some of them. I had also paid for dinner the night before & Ross had given me some Pesos in return. After my frantic search, I put the crumpled pile of notes on the counter- I literally had just enough, by some wink of the universe. I ran onto the bus & allowed myself to breathe out finally.

I got to the airport extraordinarily early, which meant I was able to spend a lot fo quality time with my book. The Cancun airport is kind of funny- it’s so american. All the food. All the prices. So purely targeted at Americans. I got stir crazy & ended up getting myself a whole pizza which I ate at the quiet end of the airport. I became so wrapped up in my book, I hardly looked up at the time. When I did, I realized that my flight should be boarding any minute & I hadn’t looked up my gate yet. I ran to the board, then to the gate, just in time to board. I guess that was my cardio for the day. I’ve never been so restless on the plane. Most often I manage to sleep, this time I couldn’t manage it though. I was hardly able to meditate either. And I had finished my book. I was so excited to get off the plane and see my family.

I finally understand why people get all kerfuffled at lines in airports & the long hallways. At Pearson I found myself running down the freezing hallways- still dressed as if I was in Mexico. Out of the doors, I saw my parents and my brother Isaac. In so many ways I felt like I had travelled all that way- all around the States- to come here. And I am so glad to be here now.

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jakehglover · 6 years

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Can Clay Stop Infections?

By Dr. Mercola

In a yearlong study from Great Britain, researchers found an individual has at least one cut, ache, sprain or other minor ailment at any time; and if is not present, something will likely happen in the next three days.1 In a single year, the average Briton was found to cut themselves at least twice while shaving, get one electric shock and three paper cuts, among other minor mishaps.

The data suggested each citizen would suffer 9,672 ailments over the course of a 78-year life span. One in 20 in the study admitted to having slipped on a banana peel at least once, suggesting there may be truth to the classic comedy mishap.

In some instances, especially in the elderly, these cuts and abrasions may result in chronic, nonhealing wounds. A study published in the International Society for Pharmacoeconomics and Outcomes Research2,3 demonstrated the economic burden of these wounds to Medicare patients.

The data suggests nonhealing wounds impact nearly 15 percent of Medicare beneficiaries, far more than were suggested in previous studies. Conservative estimates of total annual spending reach $31.7 billion. Chronic nonhealing wounds are rarely reported in individuals who are otherwise healthy, but more frequently in those who suffer from diabetes or obesity.4

An additional burden of wound healing is the problem of scarring, accounting for $12 billion in annual costs. These wounds pose a significant and often underappreciated burden to the individual, the health care system and society. Recent research5 shows the use of Oregon blue clay as a topical skin treatment may help fight wound infection, including those infected with resistant bacteria.

Blue Clay May Help Antibiotic Resistant Infection

Arizona State University (ASU) and Mayo Clinic researchers evaluated the effectiveness of Oregon blue clay against bacterial wound infections. Enriqueta Barrera, program director in the National Science Foundation's Division of Earth Sciences, which funded the research, believes the study is an important advance in understanding how specific clay may have medicinal properties.6

In laboratory testing, data demonstrated the clay has antibacterial effects against Staphylococcus aureus and Escherichia coli (E. coli), including strains that are carbapenem-resistant and methicillin-resistant. Carbapenem is a class of antibiotics effective against gram positive and negative organisms and often reserved for severe infections or as a “last-line” agent.7

The lab testing was the first step in simulating an infected wound, but researchers caution only one clay suspension was tested and more research is needed to identify and reproduce clay with antibacterial properties.8

This recent research supports findings from previous data published in Nature,9 which found natural antibacterial clay, when hydrated and applied topically, would kill human pathogens, but only certain types of clay were bactericidal. These researchers found clay containing soluble reduced metals and expandable clay materials provided the best bactericidal activity.

Critical antibacterial components were soluble iron and aluminum working synergistically to attack multiple pathogenic cellular systems.10 Lynda Williams, Ph.D., clay mineral scientist at ASU, describes how these two metals work in tandem, explaining chemically reduced iron is required by the bacterial cell for nutrition and tricks the cell into opening the wall.

Aluminum essentially props the cell wall open and allows a flood of iron to enter, effectively poisoning and killing the cell.11 The previous study was triggered from a chance discovery of medicinal clay in Europe. When Williams was unable to locate the site where the clay was mined, she began testing clay sold online, analyzing dozens of samples before identifying clay from the Oregon Cascades.

Williams believes the colors of the clay reflect their origins and give an antibacterial clue to the high contents of chemically reduced iron, as opposed to oxidized iron which produces a familiar rust color present in many clays.12

How Bacteria Use Biofilm to Proliferate and Resist Antibiotics

Biofilms are a collection of microorganisms forming a densely-packed community surrounded by secreted polymers.13 Many bacterial species will form biofilms that allow them to become complex and diverse, operating in a coordinated and cooperative group, analogous to multicellular organisms.

Some research has estimated up to 80 percent of microbial infections in the human body are caused by biofilm bacteria.14 A common example of biofilm is dental plaque, the slimy buildup of bacteria that forms on your teeth. Biofilms are able to grow on plant tissue and animal tissue as well as implanted medical devices.

The distinctive feature of each of these environments is they are periodically or continuously wet. Bacterial communities are an advantage for microbes as it makes them more resilient to stress and to antibiotics. According to the National Institutes of Health nearly 65 percent of all microbial infections and 80 percent of chronic infections are associated with biofilms.15

A number of bacteria present in biofilm on wounds, including Staph aureus and Klebsiella pneumoniae. Microscopic evaluations from chronic wound infections often indicate the presence of biofilms. Although bacterial communities colonizing wounds may not always demonstrate classical symptoms of infection, they do adversely affect healing.16

Antibacterial Wound Infection Treatment May Not Be Effective

Antibiotic treatment is often the first step taken in a wound infection, but in the case of a mature and established biofilm, antibiotic therapy may be the least effective treatment and may have only a short-term effect.17 Williams, coauthor of the featured study, is encouraged by the results of the blue clay against biofilm bacterial colonies, saying:

"Working with Mayo Clinic, we showed that these clays also diminish populations of bacterial biofilms, as well as bacteria common in wounds that are more resistant to drugs. The results support our efforts to design new antibacterial drugs using natural clays."

Bentonite Clay or Diatomaceous Earth?

Although both bentonite clay and diatomaceous earth (DE) have risen in popularity, many are still uncertain of the differences and how they may be used at home. While the name diatomaceous earth gives rise to an image of dirt, it is actually made of fossilized diatoms or a type of microscopic algae, which collected for thousands of years in now-dry lake beds.18

The fossils are mined and ground into fine white powder containing an assortment of trace minerals. The main component is silicon dioxide, or silica, and the product is sold as food grade, pest control grade or pool grade.

Food grade DE meets generally recognized as safe (GRAS) safety standards for consumption and use in your home. Pest control grade is a chemical free substance used to kill insects, while pool grade is primarily used as filtration in swimming pools.19

As the ground diatoms have very sharp edges, at least to small pests, DE is an effective and safe means of treating head lice. Read more about how to use it in my previous article, “How to Get Rid of Lice.” In all cases, it is crucial you do not breathe the dust or the powder coming out of the packaging as it may be damaging to your lungs and upper respiratory tract.

Bentonite clay is a little bit closer to being dirt as it's a type of clay containing a collection of trace minerals. Also known as Montmorillonite, the largest deposits are found near Fort Benton, Montana. The clay deposits are mined and ground into a light brown earthy powder which can be purchased in industrial grade and food grade.20

Sodium bentonite is generally used for industrial products and never a good choice to be taken internally. It expands when it absorbs liquid, which can be problematic if it swells in your stomach or intestines. Calcium bentonite has a lower sodium content and doesn't swell as much, making it safer to take internally.

Dogs Naturally Use Mud to Treat Skin Conditions

Most dogs love rolling around in the mud, and it seems there's a purpose to this behavior. Through absorption through the skin, clay works to help correct imbalances and bind organic and inorganic substances to help detoxify the body.21 The process will vary depending upon the type of clay.

One of the benefits is clay is negatively charged and most toxins are positively charged. This makes clay irresistible to bacteria, viruses and various other harmful substances, without any harmful side effects. Other benefits include eliminating internal parasites, supporting your pets immune system and detoxifying the digestive tract.22

Bentonite clay has a high absorption rate and a unique chemical structure with surface particles both negatively and positively charged. Interestingly, the clay can carry particles three to four times its size and hold them as they travel outside the body.23

Food grade bentonite can help relieve digestion issues like constipation, soothe skin and allergy issues and help your dog recover from a bout of vomiting and diarrhea. Whether adding to your pet’s diet or to their skin, it’s important to use food grade bentonite as your pet is likely to lick the clay off their coat.

Externally, clay baths can help maintain a strong coat luster and help heal cuts, abrasions, rashes and hot spots.24 The clay acts as an analgesic, reducing the pain and itching of skin conditions and speeds healing by reducing bacterial causing infection or rashes.

Fleas and ticks are pests also causing skin conditions, and may be more than simply unpleasant as they are capable of transmitting disease. Fleas breed quickly and are difficult to get under control. You can help protect your pet from pests using DE and other natural products:

Tiny amounts of fresh garlic may be given to dogs and cats to help prevent internal as well as external parasites

Apply a light dusting of food grade DE on your carpets, bare floors and pet bedding, as well as down your pet’s spine (avoid head to help your pet avoid inhaling the powder), to kill fleas

Keep your lawn mown and clear brush, leaves, tall grass and weeds from your yard and areas your pet frequents

Keep stacked wood off the ground and away from your house

After the growing season, clear perennial plants and other brush from your garden

More Benefits and Uses for Bentonite Clay

Bentonite clay may be used externally and internally. It's wise to keep the clay from coming into contact with anything metal as it reduces the effectiveness. Therefore, mix the clay in a glass jar with a plastic lid or use a plastic whisk to mix the contents.

When taken internally, it's important not to take it within an hour of having eaten or two hours of any medications or supplements as it may bind to the drug or supplement, reducing effectiveness. Prior to using bentonite clay internally, it's wise to check with your physician or pharmacist if you're taking any medications.

Be sure to get the clay from a reliable quality source as some clay may contain lead. In 2016, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) warned consumers not to purchase "Best Bentonite Clay" located in Guthrie, Oklahoma, as the FDA had found elevated levels of lead that posed a risk of poisoning.25

It is wise not to take DE and bentonite clay internally at the same time as they both may trigger constipation, and taken together can make the condition worse. Be sure to drink plenty of water, until your urine is a light straw color each time you use the bathroom, to reduce the potential for constipation.26

External Uses

Underarm detox and deodorant — Bentonite clay can be applied with a face brush to dust on your armpits as your only natural deodorant. It has moisture absorbing properties and may help reduce odors.27

Skin irritations — Make a paste with bentonite clay and water, remembering to mix it in a glass jar with a non-metal spoon. Apply to any skin irritation such as insect bites, cuts or burns. Leave it on until it dries and then wash it off. It may help skin itching from eczema, psoriasis and chickenpox. The clay may help diminish allergic contact dermatitis from poison ivy and poison oak.28

Face mask and skin treatment — Many beauty products contain bentonite clay as it binds with and removes toxins and impurities. Masks may be beneficial for oily skin, clogged pores and acne.

You can make your own at home using a paste of bentonite and water. Leave it on for 20 minutes and wash off with warm water. Add a quarter cup of bentonite clay to your water for a relaxing bath that softens your skin.

Hair treatment — Mix 1 cup of bentonite clay, one-half cup of raw, organic apple cider vinegar and 1 cup of warm water in a glass bowl.29 Massage a handful of this into your scalp and coat your hair thoroughly. Leave it on for five to 10 minutes before rinsing off.

The clay naturally draws out dirt and oil and conditions your hair. No extra shampoo or conditioner is needed. This treatment can be repeated once a week, or used instead of your normal shampoo and conditioning routine.

Internal Uses

Digestion and detoxification — With a strong negative charge, bentonite clay attracts bacteria, pesticides, pathogens and heavy metals, flushing them out of your gut.30 As these are eliminated from the body, it may help to heal irritable bowel syndrome and leaky gut syndrome, which will allow your gut’s good bacteria to flourish.

In one study of mice fed bentonite clay, researchers found it had a prebiotic effect suggesting bentonite may be a potentially functional supplement to improve your gut microbiome.31

Oral health — Bentonite clay may be added to your homemade tooth powder or mixed with water as a mouth rinse to help remove toxins from your oral cavity and calcify and whiten your teeth.32

from HealthyLife via Jake Glover on Inoreader http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2018/09/05/bentonite-clay-health-benefits.aspx

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joannawillshrink · 7 years

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shower thoughts

only this is a thought coming up while watching a Dr Who special called the end of the world part two.

Which I think is a humorous title. End of the world, PART TWO. anyway

The Master character is the baddie and he has a drumming in his head, constantly, driving him crazy. The Doctor says he could help. And the Master replies in a misty voice, “I dont know what I’d be, without that noise.”

Made me immediately think about myself and current life, without my Mom. Like when people lose someone close to them, common advice or like, motivational talk is “go make them proud” and whatnot. And I’m thinking, I wonder if she can see me and see what I’ve become. So bored and depressed and stagnant, different. Because I really do feel very very different. I’m changed. And I dont like it.

But I then went on to think about myself in a break up. How I want the other person to miss me. How I, in a twisted way, think its kindof flattering when someone is fucked up after losing me. Which is partially why I’m having a hard time knowing Jesse is fine and has moved on. Because I want to be mourned more. I want to have more visibly affected him.

And I wonder if, and I’m not saying that my Mom is in any way twisted, or thinking maliciously... this is just my weird thought trail,

But like, if I died and my family were really “fine” quite quickly afterwards, I feel like I’d be a bit bothered! Is that so immature of me? Like of course I’d want them to be functioning and get out there and do their thing, but not like... too soon! I guess everybody copes differently... I feel very out of touch with what other peoples’ lives are actually like. But just, I feel like my world is much more shattered than I was ready for. But is that my fault? For not “getting over it” faster? But Mom was everything, beyond words of worth or value, her love was like gravity. And it was August 9th, 2015 when it happened. Wow, I just had to look up the year. I guess its been longer than I thought? I dont know. I just feel like my processors are broken.

Anyways. I feel like I have so much to unpack about this. “I dont know who I’d be without that noise.” Like, I am now a girl without her Mom. I am Joanna without my Mom. And I dont know who I am. I held on to what I thought was normal, with my relationship with Jesse. But now that ending obliterated the false bonds I had convinced myself were working. The phantom ties.

Theyre gone, and I feel untethered. More purposeless than ever.

When I didnt know who I was before, I leaned against trying to be a good daughter. That was a wall of my definition of self. But now that wall is gone, with her. I still want to be a good daughter, but showing up for her and having her love and friendship is gone. I know the tra-la-la “she’s always with you” but I mean, in real-time, its gone.

And its like, a break up. If you get over it too easily, it kindof seems like it wasnt that big of a deal to you.

But unconditional love is different, right?

I dont even think I know what unconditional love means. I dont think humans are that perfect. I dont think its genuinely possible to unconditionally love someone.

I find it hard to believe that Jesse cared for me that way. I dont think he thinks of me, I think he nothings me. You know? When its like, I dont like you, but I dont dislike you. I nothing you.

I wish I nothing’ed him. I dislike him right now. I dont want bad luck to befall him, but I wish I didnt have to witness his happiness. Because I’m jealous. I want to be happy. When I’m upset and other people are happy I feel like theyre bragging about it, rubbing it in my face. Especially when its a partner or friend, and especially especially when its an Ex.

I used to fear talking to my mom on the phone because if I was sad and needed help or support, she was always more sad. Sadder. And needed MY help. Or if I was happy, and wanted to share it, I was afraid it would sound braggy or she’d feel lesser-than compared to what I had going on. Like, at the beginnings of things with Jesse, I’d mention a detail about kissing or holding hands or something, and she’d get weird about it and throw in some comment about “I wish your father still kissed me” or “goodness, I miss that” or something.

I worry thats rubbed off onto me. If I’m upset, like, deeply bothered, I dont want other people around me to be good at walking away. I want to be seen, and to effect others. If I’m crying I want someone else’s mood to change if they see me or hear my story. I want to be respected for enduring the things that are happening. I feel like when people hear a sad personal tale or listen to what youre feeling at the moment, and get up at the end and are fine and just walk away, its incredibly rude and unfeeling and gross. Offensive, even. Maybe thats playing too much of the victim.

The lawyer in me immediately says “stop wasting your energy trying to get other people to be sad like you, to see you for how sad you are, and use that energy to do something about your own sadness”

but if youre sad, and just put in the energy to make it go away, is that fixing it? or just ignoring it?

is ignoring pain the secret to success? just, get on with it? never let it catch up to you?

I wonder if thats everyones suppressed secret. That they ARE in pain, but just running from it.

I want to be heard and to share my story before I can move on from it. Its like airing out a ghost. Giving it its proper attention and respect so its existence is justified, giving it love, really. I want even the sad parts to be loved.

So when someone just gets up and walks away unphased from a story I’m explaining, I dont feel love or connection or anything at all. It almost adds to the pain itself. Setting it further back down the hill with even more to climb to escape.

I stay in bed a lot. I’m not sure how to air out being upset about my ex Jesse. I want to run my mouth about the shit he was in our relationship. I was lousy too, but different. Definitely no saint, but I understand the quiet spectrum in the motivation of cheaters. Not all cheaters. But I get why some do what they do. Because I seeked out attention from other men, men from my past, because I needed more, but didnt want to give up what could maybe be built with Jesse. I was scared to lose the potential of him. But he behaved so coldly, often cruelly emotionally to me, both in obvious but also very quiet subtle ways, that I needed to be around the energy of men who knew me before all that. Old friends who knew my sparkle. Because I needed to remember it, myself. I wished and wished and wished Jesse saw my sparkle, at the beginning of our relationship I thought he did. Which is why I decided to move to his city from my own, and really give it a try.

But I felt like just another hobby in his life, another thing that needed his precious time. I felt juggled between work, his band, and his motorcycle. Literally, if I saw his eyes light up because he ordered another guitar pedal or motorcycle part, I knew it meant less time/money/enthusiasm for me or our time together. This literally happened, time and time again.

And after losing the one person in my life who I knew I was their everything,

I needed to be loved more. I needed to be loved more than a new amplifier. I needed to have someone look at me and get excited like they would when something new would arrive from Amazon.

I needed to be appreciated for more than just when I was game to have sex.

I needed to have my sparkle be seen and fanned.

So I diminished, and I felt, after a while, that he didnt deserve me. That he didnt deserve my best. So when I traveled or was around old flames or friends who I knew understood me and made me feel great just being me, I gave THEM my best. Which, in black and white on paper, is cheating, and isnt cool.

But my heart needed it. I shouldve broken up with Jesse so much sooner than I did.

But now, we ARE broken up, and I’m super fucked up about it still. I’m glad we’re not together, but in a way like... he treated me this way when we WERE together. Indifferent, not seeing how special I am. How great we could be.

So its like... I guess he’s acting exactly the same. It hurt this much within the relationship, too... but when we were together at least I could yell at him about it. It felt good to yell at somebody for what hurts. His lack of attention still hurts, but now I have no right to get into a fight with him about it.

Its all to be expected. His behavior. He left his wife to be with me. Someone of 8 fucking years. And he never talked about her really. So why should I be surprised that he doesnt talk about me, or miss me, or seem forlorn. He didnt seem forlorn for her. He was barely single. He wasnt single. He jumped right from her to me. And now he’s very shortly on to the next. I really shouldnt be surprised.

It would be easier if he wasnt so entrenched in all the people I know.

Theres always a risk of seeing him out. I wish I was more mature about this. But honestly I’d feel the same even if we were just friends from the start. Its like seeing someone you just simply dont like, regardless of context. If someones a jerk, you dont want them to be where you are.

I may leave Austin. Its weird, being trapped by comfort. My house is pretty good. Like, the shape of the house itself is cute. Theres a porch. Theres a patio, and a coffee shop across the street.

But I dont feel happy here. I have no idea where I’d go. But I’m sick of living in a pot house. EEEVery day its bowl bong weed pot cough cough sneeze laugh lame joke bong bong lame joke bad pun leaving dishes fucking everywhere hoarding objects and never using them leaving dirt and coats and shoes and opened mail and bullshit all over the place.

I feel like I cant bitch because I dont have a job. I’m lazing around sleeping 80% of the day because... of what? Because of sadness, because I dont really want to go out there. I dont want to interact with my roommates who I find annoying. I dont want to take a walk around the neighborhood that I think its pretty boring. I dont want to go to bars and feel less than my past self. Fatter. Older. Uglier. I dont want to go feel my inadequacy proven right. Jesse treated me that way. I moved here five months after my Mom died. Brand new city.

And I didnt get a job. I didnt do a whole lot of anything. And he hated me for it. He didnt understand and it leaked in. It absolutely showed.

So now its February 2018. So many months have passed. And I’m still not doing anything. I just dont want to. I dont know where to get a job here, I dont want to commit my time to something that doesnt feel like anything. I want to exercise but it requires a 15 minute drive to get there. I want to cook but our kitchen is so fucking cluttered it drives me nuts.

Am I too uptight? Like, is this coming off like I cant function unless somethings perfect?

Im sure it sounds that way... I just... feel no spark. When my new roommate cleaned the bathroom and had music going and was doing the shit I normally do, I felt so pleased and relatable, it was marvelous. But then other two roommates come home and toss their coats all over and smoke weed and plop down watching stupid shows, and it just..

Should I try to be more of a leader? Force my way through it and burn my own trail? If theyre watching dumb shit, suggest something better? Take an active interest in life?

I definitely have been passive. I want other people to be interesting. I want to be intrigued by someone’s starting something. Somebody to already have the breadcrumbs laid down and I get to follow them and add to the adventure. I dont know if I have the energy to take the risk of being bold and leading the way, not knowing the caliber of people I’m talking to or bringing with me. Like, I want to spend energy being great around someone I already think is great. I miss having crushes. If I think someone is awesome, I feel like I then get to be super awesome too, in hopes that showing my favorite self, enjoying my own shine... that they’ll notice and enjoy it too.

But like, why shine for boring people? I dont have any interest in that. I dont want to impress people that dont impress me.

That sounds super bitchy but whatever.

Anyways. I’m way off track.

I just remembered that I need to call my Aunt Carol, who I think is mad at me, because she retired today and I’m overdue to call her. I really dont want to but it needs to be done. Calling a family member that you know is disappointed in you is NEVER fun. I feel the weight on my chest already. Okay, gonna call her. I’ll write again soon.

#emotion journal #rant

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