#LMAOOOO hes so unbelievable stupid.

[statementlou]

We've all seen the discourse lately about Louis' presentation- people are saying that he's choosing or being forced to conform to an overly straight image, like for example saying he doesn't like wine or does like football, and god knows I've already ranted about it plenty- but I realized that we'd mostly been so sidetracked by the homophobic ignorance of people insisting that certain lifestyle or dietary or hobby preferences are "straight" or "masculine" that I, at least, have let the even more fucked up underlying concept go unchallenged. So briefly setting aside how unbelievably stupid it is to say that gay people aren't watching the world cup or don't eat mcdonalds or don't associate themselves with clubbing (LMAOOOO), I wanna talk about the underlying argument. People are saying (wrongly imo but…) that Louis is associating himself solely with things that the mainstream doesn't see as queer coded- and that there is something wrong with that. They're saying that we know he has more depth than that, and that he should be showing other aspects of himself as well. Usually the argument is that people respond well to those aspects so he's doing a disservice to his marketing by not milking it for all its worth, or that he's marketing to the 'wrong' people (indie rock boys club for example) by not doing that. Leaving aside that maybe that's who he WANTS to market to (source: he's fucking told us so like 300 million times) rather than teen queers on tiktok, AND the fact that in fact he's doing NUMBERS in all the markets you say he's neglecting without changing a damn thing so uh maybe advice isn't needed- he actually is actively marketing himself to teen queers on tiktok and it's working GREAT- but okay, let's talk about what being asked for. The ask is that he present himself as less straight. That he publicly embrace a more femininized and queer coded image.

HE IS CLOSETED. THAT IS A FUCKED UP ASK.

This fandom's default of centering Harry and what he does as the benchmark for everyone else is absurd. While Harry's way of navigating his closet- very flamboyantly- certainly has a long and proud tradition in the entertainment industry, focusing on that as the norm obscures that fact that most often and at its most basic, being closeted simply means publicly presenting yourself as a straight person. That's it. I can assure you that there are SO MANY public figures who you have never second guessed twice because they're actually closeted and therefore you think they are straight, because no, queerness is not always visible or obvious or something you can assume because someone has a great skincare routine. Again, I don't actually think he IS, but if Louis wanted to present a straight image THAT IS HIS RIGHT. Your desire for him to come out is not his problem! I strongly disagree with the idea that anyone owes anyone details of their sexuality, and I very much believe that people desperately need to learn to separate "I WANT" from "I AM ENTITLED TO AND OTHER PEOPLE NEED TO DO."

[boundforhale]

what are your honest thought about your muse’s canon? { lmaoooo }

MUNDAY ASKS

[  Oh,  Em.  You  know  exactly  what  you’ve  done  (and  I  love  you  for  it).

Well,  first  and  foremost,  FUCK  J.D.  He  is  a  terrible  writer  and  couldn’t  keep  a  timeline  or  canonical  facts  straight  to  save  his  life  (as  proved  by  the  movie).  I  seriously  can’t  deal  with  all  the  shit  he  put  Derek  through  in  canon.  J.D.  created  him  just  to  serve  as  his  personal  whipping  boy  and  no  one  can  change  my  mind.  Not  to  mention  all  the  queer-baiting  but  that’s  a  whole  different  topic.

The  writers  of  Teen  Wolf  were  apparently  allergic  to  giving  Derek  even a  semblance  of  anything  nice  in  his  life.  Any  time  things  might  have  been  looking  up  for  him,  it  got  snatched  away.  His  life  was  just  tragedy  after  tragedy.  So  much  loss.  So  much  sacrifice.

I  will  never  ever  consider  the  movie  canon,  but  the  fact  that  they  decided  to  kill  Derek  with  fire,  y’know,  the  same  way  his  whole  family  died,  is  utterly  unforgivable.  I  could  rant  about  the  movie  in  a  separate  post  but  here  are  the  highlights.  After  losing  his  family  at  a  similar  age,  Derek  would  never  willingly  abandon  his  son.  In  this  stupid  world  where  he  did  he  sure  wouldn’t  give  guardianship  of  his  kid  to  Scott  and  Allison.  HELLO?!  He  literally  has  family  who  live  in  Beacon  Hills  who  have  been  in  Eli’s  life  since  he  was  born,  or  Noah  Stilinski  who  has  clearly  been  a  regular  presence  in  Derek  and  Eli’s  lives.  They  would  all  be  better  choices  than  Scott  who  last  saw  Eli  when  he  was  3  and  the  girl  who’s  been  dead  for  the  last  15+  years.  Watching  the  ending  was  unbelievable.  It  was  difficult  to  contain  my  rage  and  it  was  definitely  part  of  the  reason  I  came  back  to  roleplaying  because  I  couldn't  deal  with  that  shit  anymore.

I’m  struggling  to  put  my  gather  my  thoughts  coherently  and  put  them  into  words.  I  have  so  many  feelings  about  Derek  and  how  he  was  mistreated.  It’s  a  large  reason  why  I  largely  write  in  AUs,  so  I  don’t  have  to  deal  with  all  that  shit  they  put  him  through.  He  deserves  nice  things  and  I  just  want  him  to  be  happy  for  once  in  his  fucking  life.  I  am  planning  to  finally  write  a  main  verse  though  and  you  can  bet  your  ass  it’s  canon  divergent.

I  guess  I’ll  wrap  it  up  there  because  I  don’t  really know  what else  to  say.  I  think  all  of  my  partners  are  well  aware  how  I  feel  about  the  canonical  events  of  Derek’s  life,  but  people  are  free  to  come  poke  me  if  they  want  to  know  more.  ]

[bts-writes]

three beers and one wrong number

au: you text the wrong number and jesus christ you sent some embarrassing texts thank god the other guy is nice (and sounds cute) (from this link!)

featuring: kim namjoon

genre: fluff, a little bit of angst (just a pinch, really)

words: ~1.3k words

You hastily grabbed your new phone out of your front pocket, making sure not to drop it this time. Being the clumsy dumbass that you were, you dropped your phone last week in a Starbucks toilet, which refused to be resurrected by the ever-so-reliable rice immersion technique. And it worked for your ipod and ipad quite a few times before! But alas, your phone just completely gave up. And so, a million apologies to your mom later, you got a new one and were now back to normal programming. But of course, with a ton more care this time around.

You typed in your friend’s number and then proceeded with your message. You snickered to yourself in the first floor hallway of the Chemistry Building, as you relived what happened in your class a while ago.

“Lmaoooo bitch guess what” “professor Kim asked for my notes at the start of class bc he wanted to refresh last week’s lessons” “and all I wrote there was “im so fucking sleepy” i kid u not! and i did it in calligraphy too!!!” “AND HE SAW!!!! HE FRIGGIN SAW AND HE LAUGHED AND SAID “me too we both need caffeine”” “IM . DIE”

You then locked your phone, put it back into your pocket, and proceeded to walk to your dorm room after the quite embarrassing yet actually kinda cute Organic Chemistry class.

Hours later, you checked your phone and was met with slight disappointment when the screen showed no replies from your friend. “Maybe she’s busy”, you thought to yourself and then went back to reading the material for tomorrow’s Philosophy class. Hume wasn’t going to rise from the dead and teach you, anyway.

“jinah let’s go watch captain marvel”

You frowned, staring at the text you sent over four hours ago. You and Jinah, your friend, never made it a point to miss the Marvel movies. You both absolutely loved them and spent hours figuring out the ending to the ongoing Phase 3 of the MCU. Jinah bet Steve was gonna die; you bet Tony was. Despite difference of opinion, you agreed on one thing: you both wished to the high heavens you were both wrong.

You checked the time again. It was nearing five hours now since you sent the message. And to be honest, this radio silence was getting kinda weird ever since it started three days ago.

“my treat! just reply and say you’re not dead” “come on, i’ll even buy the milk tea” “if u don’t go, pepper dies” “miss pepper potts! our girl! MISS IRON WOMAN HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE!” “along with peter parker NOW COME ON”

Okay, fine. Jinah didn’t want to reply, so you were just gonna see the movie for yourself. Miss Carol Danvers was waiting.

“Park Jinah, use your goddamn phone.” You slowly blinked at your phone screen, with still zero replies after the twenty messages you sent her earlier today. Since the whole ignoring-you-even-with-captain-marvel-on-the-line incident two days ago, you decided to give her space. Maybe Jinah was going through something you didn’t know about; hell, maybe she dropped her phone in the toilet like you did. But today… today was kinda difficult.

You put down the nearly empty bottle of Smirnoff you had been holding on your desk, right beside the two empty ones. Today, you had deigned to drink alone in your dorm room, and bought three for yourself.

You slowly scrolled up the conversation, rereading the messages you sent her earlier.

“jinah i saw him again today” “he’s still as cute as ever” “and before u say anything, i’ve moved on” “it was just… weird” “like i know i don’t love him anymore” “and the what-ifs are pointless i know” “but my heart still feels like it’s being pricked, just a little” “like i miss him” “idk” “maybe one day it’ll finally go away yeah?” “i’m gonna go get beer i hate remembering him”

You stared at the bottle labels. Maybe three Smirnoffs weren’t enough.

“Ah, screw it. I’m gonna call you, bitch, even though you hate unannounced calls”, you muttered out loud to no one in particular, as the soft light from your bedside lamp gave the room a hazy comfort.

Your phone began ringing and ringing.

“Pick up, you lil shit”, you muttered again before grabbing your beer and finally finishing its contents.

Finally, the line opened.

“Hey! Park Jinah! Why have you been—“ you coughed from the sudden yelling, “the past week! Ignoring me again and again!” You were met with silence, which just honestly ticked you off even more. “Answer me!”

You heaved your upper body on your desk, sighing out loud. “Cha Eunwoo, that bastard. I… I saw him today. Jinah, y-you heard me, right? Eunwoo! God, he’s still so—“

“Um… excuse me.” A very deep voice that was definitely NOT Jinah’s interrupted you.

You sat straight up. Suddenly, it felt like the liquor you just downed was out of your system, and only awareness of the fact that you may have just been contacting the wrong person all week remained.

“This isn’t… Park? Was it Park? But, um, this is not Jinah.” The other voice, you assumed belonged to a guy, gently said.

“Shit, shit, shit”, you whispered to yourself. “Oh my god, I am so sorry! Why haven’t you said anything? I’ve been spamming your phone with texts for the past week, oh god.” You quickly uttered an apology, silently wishing for the ground to swallow you whole. It didn’t help that you actually called him, drunk on liquid courage, and ranted about your ‘ex’!

“I don’t know, I just thought you’d figure it out sooner. Sorry!”

“No, no. I should be the one saying sorry, Mr. uh… What’s your name?”

“Namjoon.”

“Ah, Namjoon. Hi, hello, Namjoon. I’m so sorry. Really.” You ruffled your hair in frustration. “You must have been annoyed.”

He giggled softly and by gods, it was hella cute. “It’s fine. Your first texts were entertaining, actually.”

“And oh god, I’m even more sorry for calling you while drunk. I apologize for that whole ranting mess. That was stupid, don’t think about it.”

“No, it’s okay! I understand…” Namjoon seemed to trail off in thought. You waited in silence as it seemed he wasn’t done talking. “But for what it’s worth, I’ll tell you a little cliche: time will do the trick, yeah?”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“You said you wanted your heart to stop hurting? In your text?”

“Oh.” Right. You had sent those unbelievably emotional texts.

“It’ll go away. Just give it time.” He said, and for some bizarre reason, it actually felt like things were going to be alright. His strangely attractive voice gave you comfort and you didn’t even know him.

You smiled softly. “I hope so.”

“Okay, I’ll go now. But you remember to drink lots of water before bed, okay?”

He cared, that’s cute. “Yeap. Don’t worry, Mr. Namjoon.”

“Oh, yeah! I don’t even know your name. I just refer to you as “org chem nerd” in my head.”

You scoffed at your end of the line. “Ain’t that affectionate?” You were met with his laugh, which made you laugh a little in return. “I’m [Name].”

“Well, [Name]. It’s been nice talking to you. I’ll go now, okay?”

You nodded, not even realizing there was no way he could see you. “Okay. Thanks and sorry again, Namjoon.”

“Don’t worry about it.” And with another giggle, Namjoon hung up.

You stared at your screen for a few minutes, pondering over the events of the previous minutes. You didn’t even realize you were smiling.

a/n: let me know what u think! ehe

[lavieendonna]

Brushwork || ArtMajor!Calum AU (Chapter 17)

Summary: An Art Major AU where Dallas - third year gawky art student at VCA -  makes a deal with Calum - her cute new neighbour and project partner - and they spend the entire year learning that the perfect masterpiece takes a whole lot of brushwork.

Date: 18 September 2017 Requested: not really no lmaoooo  Pairing: Calum + Dallas Words: 3.3K Warnings: some tense friendships here. Mali makes another appearance. Um. Yeah, i think that’s it.  A/N: This is not really up to a great standard, but I think I did well for someone with writer’s block! Please let me know what you think, I love getting all kinds of feedback! Big Love xo 

Ask | Masterlist | ‘Brushwork’ Spotify Playlist | Next Chapter | ‘Brushwork’ News

Chapter 17: ‘Yeah, You’re Right, You Should Probably Neck Yourself Now To Save Yourself The Humiliation’

I’d only moved about two feet to the right in my painting progress all fucking morning. It was 3 in the afternoon and we were on a late coffee/lunch break and Calum was trying his best to assure me that we were making good time and that we’d actually been super productive. But the paint on his neck and face and on my arms and nose said otherwise (there were a few minutes somewhere near 12 o’clock where we were tired and distracted and looking desperately for something to paint other than this damn wall and that stupid, faceless ballerina).

“Dallas, you need to just fucking chill, okay?” He said for what felt like – and I hoped it would be – the final time. He wasn’t really reassuring me anymore, in fact he looked almost frustrated as he rolled his eyes at me. I scowled at him over a milkshake that we were sharing. “We’re going to finish on time.”

“Fuck you.” I pouted. “Don’t swear at me.” Calum chuckled, eyes wild and fake-offended as he snatched the chocolate shake from my side of the table and sucking on the straw.

“Alright then, no more milkshake for you then.” He teased and I just offered a sidelong expression.

“Whatever.” I shot at him. “I didn’t ask for it to start with.”

“You literally paid for it.”

“… that’s not the point.”

“You’re a dick.”

And the conversation – if you could call it that – went on like that until we’d arrived back at the wall with a fresh shake that Calum paid for this time. It was strawberry and the pink colour looked like it belonged in a sex novel, the way Calum kept licking the residue off of his lips. I purposefully stopped looking at him after the third or fourth time because every time I watched him I would blush.

“What do you reckon?” I asked him through an almost defeated sigh. We stood about 6 feet away from the wall, side by side, and staring at our unfinished work. “How much longer do you think we need?” Calum hmmm’ed and ha’ed next to me for a moment, his face contorting to match his thoughts. To me it looked like this piece was never going to be finished. The dancer still had no face, her hair had no colour, the middle section was still predominantly only outlines – it was going to take a miracle for us to finish this on time.

“I think we can do it.” Calum said confidently. “If we both work on the background now we could be done in another couple of hours. The tutu detailing… is going to take another day or two, probably. But I can skip a couple lectures to get it done. I think.” He didn’t sound as convinced as I wanted him to be about this, but I took whatever I could get.

“Alright.” I looked at Calum and he offered me the milkshake. I was tempted to just take a sip as he held it to me, but I had this premonition of that ending in my choking on the straw and projectile vomiting all over the poor kid. I shuddered at the thought and just took the plastic cup like a normal person. “I’m going to kill myself by the end of this, but alright.” Calum rolled his eyes at me through a chuckle again.

“Such a flair for the dramatic.” He laughed. “Come on, I’ll do the bottom this time.” He started to head toward the wall and I shook my head as I followed behind.

“Uh, no.” I disagreed. “No, if I go up on the ladder I’ll die.”

“For fuck’s sake!” Calum practically wailed, his laugh musical and not at all offensive – though it probably should have been. “Is there anything in this world that won’t end in your untimely death?!” He looked at me over his shoulder and his brown eyes were swimming with tease but also bewilderment.

“No.” I deadpanned, face straight and completely serious. Calum eyes rolled one more time and I let myself smile just a little as he wandered over to his palette that he’d abandoned at the base of the wall, reapplying the paint with a little grin of his own.

I felt like I was in some sort of trance or a dream – this was all too surreal to be true. The most unbelievable fact was that Calum, by some miracle, wasn’t sick of me yet. This whole semester I had been waiting for him to realise how bat-shit crazy I was and head for the hills. But it hadn’t happened and I had the feeling that I was never going to get over that.

Around 20 minutes into the new painting session, a low whistle coming from right behind Calum and I pulled us out of our focus. Both of us spun around to see who was commenting on our unfinished piece of shit and to both of our surprise, it was my sister.

“Looking good, nerds.” She said with a relatively impressed grin, arms folded across her chest and her head tilted to the left as she continued to somewhat objectify our mural.

“How are we the nerds?” Calum said first. “Aren’t you in law school?” Belle replied with a wave of her hand and a cheeky smile that made Calum giggle and turn back to the wall.

“What’s up?” I took to asking, squinting a little bit in the afternoon light that was reflecting around the atrium.

As I gazed up at my sister – not for the first time in my life – I saw that she looked relatively dressed up. Black skinny jeans that weren’t ripped (actually, looking them, they were probably mine), tight fitting grey v-neck tee and her hair, as always, pulled back into its un-messy messy bun and large hoop earrings (that I was pretty sure she’d stolen from Polly eons ago) dangling from her ears. She’d done her makeup natural, but on point, and I could tell by the way that she’d stolen my good handbag and clung onto it for dear life, that she’d just been out.

“Where were you?” I cocked an eyebrow at my sister, curious. Part of the reason she rarely came to visit me at school was for the lack of things for her to do here. I wanted to know what she’d found to entertain her enough that she wanted to dress up for it.

“Oh,” She shrugged but offered a small, secret smile I think was only meant for herself. “I had lunch with Ashton.” I blinked back my surprise.

“Jesus.” I mumbled. “How did that go? Did you rip him a new one?” Belle rolled her eyes, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she shook her head at me.

“No.” She said pointedly. “We just… talked. Cleared the air.”

“I didn’t realise the air between you guys needed cleaning.” Calum commented – although I didn’t think he meant to on purpose because when I looked up at him on the ladder I could see a faint blush in his cheeks. But Belle shrugged anyway with a small, content sigh.

“It did, and now it is, and I think we’ll be okay now.” She said with a small nod and I smiled up at her gently.

“That’s awesome, B.” I told her.

“Yeah.” She said, and dare I say it, she was almost back to normal. “Yeah, we’re going to go out for dinner tomorrow night so it should be like old times.” She smiled pretty wide again and while my heart was bursting and I was happy that my sister was finally feeling better, I couldn’t help the hesitation and slight fear for her too.

“Oh.” I stammered a little under my breath trying to find my footing and the right words to say that wouldn’t offend anyone. “That’s, um. Yeah cool. Did you… I mean, did you tell Polly yet?” I could feel Calum looking down on me with that curious eye, wandering about my motives – and quite honestly, I was wandering about my motives too. All I knew was that Polly’s heart would break if she knew that my sister was going on a date with the boy she was borderline in love with, but also that Belle would never intentionally hurt Polly that way. I just wanted them both to be okay.

“Eh, it’s fine.” Belle waved her hand again, her demeanour stiffening a little bit but her tone jumping a couple of octaves. “She’s fine.”

“Fair enough…” I mumbled out. “Are you headed off now?” My sister nodded and she come over to kiss my cheek quickly before she turned on her heel and quickly sped off with my jeans and my handbag.

“That was weird.” Calum commented. I just nodded, staring after my sister with a small frown.

“Always is with her.” I muttered, turning back to my palette and brush.

 X

 I was starting to notice that Mali took longer to answer the phone than any normal human did. I wasn’t overly bothered by it – phone calls tended to give me extreme anxiety, so the longer I could put them off the better. But Calum’s sister was on some other wavelength where messaging or texting just wasn’t an option. I would text her to ask a really quick question and then all of a sudden, she was calling me 5 seconds later to answer and then I would hang up at 1 in the morning after talking about the role of push-up bras in the Twilight series for a couple hours. Seriously. That actually happened. It was weird.

I threw myself back onto the sofa, legs dangling off of the arm rest as I stared up at the ceiling, my heart kind of doing flip turns in my chest because Mali had just finished rattling off some of the things that Calum had said to her in the past 24 hours. That’s why she told me to call her – Calum had told her that he was super nervous about our date.

“Honestly, I feel like I should be more nervous than him.” I confessed. “I am more nervous than him.”

“You don’t know that.” She said very matter-of-factly. I could almost picture the dead-eyed look she would shoot me with if she was here.

“I do know that,” I fired back. “Because it’s true. I’m going to shit myself, I know it. I’m terrified.”

“What for?!” She yelled into the phone. “You told him yourself, there’s nothing to be scared about.”

“Actually,” I began my correction. “I told him there was nothing to be nervous about, I didn’t say anything about being scared. Secondly, I lied.”

“Thirdly, you’re an idiot.” Mali interjected and I could hear the frustration oozing from her voice the same way Calum’s did. “Seriously, don’t you ever get sick of being so… paranoid?”

“I’m not paranoid.” I pouted.

“Oh, whatever, you are so.” She chuckled. “DJ, if Calum didn’t like you already he wouldn’t have asked you out.” I sighed, eyes closed as I tried to let Mali’s pep talk work its magic.

“I know.” I said quietly. “I just… I really don’t want to fuck this up. I fuck up pretty much everything else in my life so it would be a nice break if this was the one thing I don’t ruin.”

“Don’t worry.” Mali was almost begging me now. “Just be yourself and you’ll be fine.” I scoffed, but I didn’t interrupt. “I can honestly tell you that even though Calum is just as nervous as you, he really likes you and he’s excited. He really likes spending time with you.”

I couldn’t help the little smile on my lips when Mali said that. And I didn’t blush either, so I guess that was a big step for me.

“I know.” I ended up saying carefully. “He told me.”

“Well, there you go!” Mali said cheerfully. “He’s confident when he’s with you, and I haven’t seen him like this in a long time. You’re going to be okay.”

Weirdly enough, I felt better. I never expect to when I confide in my friends about my problems – which is dumb, I know, but it’s like every time I go in to these conversations completely expecting the other person to tell me, ‘yeah, you’re right, you should probably neck yourself now to save yourself the humiliation’ it feels just that little bit better when they don’t.

 I sat up with a jolt as I heard the front door being unlocked. It was Polly, obviously, and it made my heart race for a whole new reason because for some reason I felt like she was about to walk in on me doing something illegal or dirty. According to her version of the Friendship Agreement, talking to Mali about my boy problems probably was illegal and dirty. Did I have time to do anything about it, though? No. Because Polly had this amazing talent of barging into any room she ever entered.

“Hey, I brought – oh, sorry.” I watched with secret panic as Polly, in all of her beauty and grace, dumped a bunch of plastic bags from Riot! on the floor in front of the kitchen counter and a Pizza Hut box on top.

“I gotta go.” I said quickly into the phone, not waiting for Mali to say ‘goodbye’ before I hung up. I would call her back later to explain – or, at least, I would text her saying that I would call her back to explain and then not do it. I offered a tight-lipped and hopefully non-suspicious smile to Polly who just looked at me kind of awkwardly.

“Uh, hey.” I said as cheerfully as I could muster.

“Sup…” She drawled out slowly. “Who were you talking to?” For a split second, she narrowed her eyes at me as if she knew my dark secret – not that I’d been overly secretive about my ability to make a new friend that I actually liked or anything. But Polly’s dagger eyes didn’t last long anyway, so I just cleared my throat a little bit and decided that maybe this wouldn’t go disastrously wrong if I told Polly the truth.

“Oh, um.” I coughed one more time. “That was Mali.”

“That’s Calum’s sister, right?” Polly’s eyebrow rose gently and I just gave a small, slow nod.

“Yeah, um.” I gave a soft chuckle. “I wanted to, like. Talk to her. About Calum.” Polly just stared at me a little blankly for a moment or two, and it was a little frightening because I couldn’t for the life of me tell what she was thinking. Usually I could pick up on however Polly was feeling based on a single twitch of her nose but something was different this time. Her eyebrows furrowed together ever-so-slightly and the corners of her mouth turned down just a fraction, but it was like there was so much going on in her head that I couldn’t read her eyes anymore. I’d never felt this way about Polly before. It was off.

“You talk to her about Calum?” She asked, finally breaking the silence. I gulped, her quiet and hesitant reaction not exactly what I was expecting.

“Yeah.” I said again. “She and I… I dunno, it’s just…?” I frowned, because I was starting to feel like Polly was after a specific explanation but I couldn’t really figure out what that was or if I could even give that to her. Polly frowned too. I gulped again.

“I thought…” Polly gave a seemingly frustrated sigh as she cut her sentence short, walking into the kitchenette and switching on the kettle.

“What?” I asked, standing up from the couch and wandering around the other side, leaning against the back. Polly shook her head, taking another moment to exhale kind of loudly and shake her head while she chose her words.

“I just… I thought we were going to start telling each other stuff.” She finally spat out, not really looking at me and just focussing on making herself a coffee. “I thought…” She took another breath and there was a moment where I was actually scared I’d hurt her feelings.

“What?” I prompted her gently, not liking the way she kept speaking in half-sentences. The taller girl let out the breath she’d been keeping in and finally looked at me, her eyes less clouded this time – which slowed my heart rate significantly, thank God.

“I just don’t know why you keep not talking to me about your love life.” She said, and I was pretty sure I saw a tiny small twitch on her lips but something in my gut was telling me my brain was tricking me into seeing what I wanted to see. “I’ve been invested in this since day one, remember?”

I gave a tiny chuckle, scratching the back of my neck sheepishly but shrugging at the same time.

“I know, it’s just –!” I couldn’t stop the chuckling, and that was probably bad because this felt like a relatively serious conversation. “Mali has different intel than you! She’s his sister. And he tells her everything, so I just… I wanted to know stuff Calum wouldn’t have told you.”

Polly rolled her eyes but managed to force out a small laugh.

“You underestimate my relationship with Calum, you know?” She said and I smiled, rolling my eyes too as I crossed my arms over my chest. “How’s B?” She changed the subject and I blinked again, because I didn’t realise she knew that Belle had been here.

“Oh, yeah, she’s… Well, she’s B. She was a bit upset, but she was pretty good when she left this afternoon.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Dad’s anniversary is coming up and she just needed someone to talk to.”

“Fair enough.”

“She made peace with Ashton, too, which is good.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, they’re going to dinner tomorrow night.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Polly was being weirdly quiet and her sentences were tapering off again. It was weird, and the sudden tension in the room and… animosity rolling off of her shoulders towards me; well, needless to say, it was freaking me out a little bit.

“Pol?” I paused to let her decide if she was going to answer me.  

“Mm?” She hummed, and I could feel the wall she was putting up as she abandoned the coffee she was making and started gathering her things from her handbag.

“Does my sister going out with Ashton bother you?”  I asked carefully, watching as Polly froze, eyes glazing over. She looked like she was shutting down, and it scared me because she’d never done that before and I had no idea why she was doing it now.

“No.” She smiled at me, but it didn’t reach her eyes – in fact it was icy, the kind of smile that held sarcasm and annoyance behind it. “No, it’s um. It’s cool, I’m happy for them.”

“Are you sure?” I prodded, grimacing because this whole conversation felt the way as the one we had years ago before she punched me and broke my nose. “You just seem so… off?” Polly just shook her head.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” She said quickly, like she was saying it just to shut me up and moved on. It stung. And I was annoyed and confused because she was icing me out, and while it had happened once or twice it was never like this and never lasted this long. “I’m gonna go see Ash. Don’t wait up.”

And with that, she left, hot pizza still on the counter and her shopping bags still all over the floor. I was left standing there feeling like an idiot.

[timdrakee]

5 6 7 :)

5: rec the fic that made you start shipping your current OTP

 rumour mill - charles/erik. 7k+. oneshot.

Erik is the grumpiest, most foul tempered worker at Stark industries. His grumpiness is the stuff of legends.

So it’s obviously the talk of the office when Erik is being made to go to the company party and he’s bringing his husband. There’s rumors flying round about how much of a masochist or equally antisocial bastard Erik’s husband must be to put up with him. Others think he must be a meek mouse perhaps bullied by Erik.

What they weren’t expecting was the confident, charming, adorable and unbelievably nice Charles that turns up on Erik’s arm. What they certainly weren’t expecting was how much Erik obviously adores his husband and how happy he is to let others see this.

i read this in like 2013 when my only knowledge of the x-men came from the old movies and x-men: first class. i was like 12 and still thought i was straight so watching first class wasn’t enough to make me ship cherik - in fact, i remember not liking the ship at all. however i read this soon after watching the movie and quickly decided hmm. i guess they could be cute. then i went thru their tag and read more fics and blah blah blah i’d die for them.

i reread the fic just now to make sure it’s as good as i remember, and  while i do have many many issues with it (erik would rather die than work for tony even in an au lmaoooo plus the author slipped in that apparently in this au erik is a bad enough person to think tony shutting down the weapons department - a huge source of income - was stupid so hhhHHHHH) it does have a really enjoyable writing style - one i’ve been trying to nail for a while now actually as i am way too formal lmao - and is overall a fun read! there’s a prequel that i remember loving too if you want the fun style but not the working-for-tony thing

6: rec a fic for a ship/fandom you’re not really in anymore but is still amazing

love letters to a ghost - fitz/skye. 7k. oneshot.

Skye is haunted the ghost of a boy who wasn’t strong enough.

Fitz is haunted by a girl who makes him want to be stronger. 

another one i haven’t read in ages but i fucking love it!!!! ghost fics are my weakness tbh. i’m not really into agents of shield anymore but i still would die for fitzskye (or is it fitzdaisy now??) anyway this fic made 13 year old me cry real tears

7: rec a fic that made you cry

neverland - gen. 19k. twoshot.

One night, while on patrol, twelve year old Jason Todd falls through a portal… and lands in the future. If only people would actually tell him what’s going on… 

basically anything to do with baby jason makes me cry and the extra angst heaped on by the fact that baby!jay has to come to terms with how he ends up in the future really does make me want to kms

fic recs meme(specify a fandom/ship if that’s your thing)

[sadandlonesome]

November 6, 2018

Hello to myself (bc I'm the only one who these are for lmaoooo let's be real), It's been quite awhile since I updated this page, and some things happened tonight that I feel I should talk about. Me and my boy have been dating eight months now. It's felt like so much longer and so much shorter at the same time. We've been through our ups and downs and trials and errors, and it's been difficult at times but also the easiest thing I've ever done. He's really and truly my rock, he grounds me. I've never had someone care about me so deeply and effortlessly, it's honestly crazy and amazing. I know I can be hard to love because I'm so damn sensitive about non-issues, and I've really been trying to work on it. I don't feel like I deserve his love still, and feel like I need to work harder. I mistreat him so much sometimes and I hate it. I despise it that I can hurt him, that kind of power is scary and a difficult thing to face. Sometimes I don't know if I'm being manipulative or toxic just because he never faults me with anything. It's so easy to put the blame on someone who accepts the blames and wants it as well. It's hard to check myself when I don't know when I need to be checked. We talk and I tell him he needs to stand up to me, regardless of the situation. He can't be so scared of losing me and sacrifice what he is truly feeling. It leaves me with the unsettling sense I'm being toxic and manipulating him when he doesn't deserve any of it. so, I'm left feeling guilty over my behavior just because I'm not sure if I'm treating him right. Tonight, he crashed my car again. My brand new car, right into a pole. I reacted with such undiluted anger, it was instant and I was so mad. I couldn't believe he did it AGAIN and I said some bad things. I said fuck you, I'm done with you. I said how stupid could you be to run into and pole and then after it happens reverse BACK into the same damn pole you just ran into? And he was crying and panicking and just overall hysterical, and I was so angry and thinking of myself, I didn't care. In the state I was in, I was thinking, good, he deserves it. He deserves to be this upset bc he didn't have to pay for my new car and now probably won't have to pay to fix said new car, even though it was his fault. My mind was in such a vindictive place, and I just wanted him to be as stressed as I was. We were driving home after the accident, and he was sitting there all calm-like, and I got mad. I felt like he wasn't upset about it and he was only feeling sorry for himself, that he didn't care bc it wasn't his money going into the car, it was mine. He wasn't being impacted by the event as much as I wanted him to. So I said exactly that, and I got the reaction I wanted. He got upset again and started crying and I just kept saying you're only feeling sorry for yourself you don't even care. And he was CRYING saying yes I do, I feel so fucking stupid and I wish I could all take it back, why are you being so mean to me? And I just said I don't care. Then we finally got back to my house and I parked in my garage and I was waiting for him after he took pictures of the car outside. He was squatted crying and I just said I'm not going to wait here all day. Let's go inside, get your food. And he was like I don't even want it anymore. I was annoyed because I didn't want some stinky food sitting in my car and he had already crashed my new car so In my head it was like do me favor and get your food out of my car??? But I said to him well take it out anyway my car isn't your refrigerator. So he takes it out and we go upstairs. I leave him in the living room and call my dad to talk to him about what I should do and I hear him crying in the living room, losing his shit. Eventually he quiets down, and I get off the phone with my dad and go see what he is up to. He is laying on the ground, passed out, like he had actually fainted he had gotten so upset. He had saliva going down his cheek and snot running down his nose, and I immediately panicked and forgot all my anger. I tried to shake him, but he was in this weird trance-like state he gets in when he sleep walks, just slurring his words, not really awake. I had to shake him several more times before he woke up and I hugged him and told him I was sorry and kissed him and was just glad he was okay. Afterward, I felt like a terrible fucking human being. I couldn't believe I had let him feel that amount of pain, and selfishly didn't care that I was causing it and making it worse. THAT is toxic behavior. That is not ok. That is disgusting. I feel so fucking bad and I feel like a terrible awful person. I wish I could redo the night and show him that it was ok. That I loved and cared about him far more than I could any car. It's annoying and frustrating, yes, but I would much rather lose 10 million cars than lose him. He is my rock. He loves me. He cares for me, and he treats me so well. If the roles were reversed, he would've never treated me with such disrespect and vindictiveness. He would've loved me, supported me. I just regret it and promise to do so much better. I need to be honest with myself to truly grow, and I hope this is doing that. God, I am so sorry to have done this and I beg forgiveness from both you and my boy. I promise to do better, and I promise to show you I can do better. I love him, and feel so unbelievably blessed to have him in my life. I hope to keep him here, and I hope to cherish him and everything that he is. Please. I am so sorry. So sorry. I'm better than this and he deserves better.