#Lan Xichen deserves the best 2020

[roboticnebula]

Music to my Ears

AU where Nie Mingjue learns music and it changes everything

Read it on AO3

___

“HUAISANG”

Nie Huaisang barely had time to fling his brush away and jump to his feet before his brother burst into his chambers.

“Where is it?” demanded Nie Mingjue, looking absolutely thunderous.

“Where is what?” parroted Huaisang.  

Doing his absolute best to look as innocent as possible, he pulled a fan out of his sleeve, twirling it casually in his hands. He knew what had drawn his brother’s ire today, but he was unwilling to stand down so soon into the fight.  

“You know what! Baxia!” snapped Mingjue.

“Why do you want it?”

“It’s my saber, Huaisang, I don’t need a reason to want it,”

“…but aren’t you supposed to be studying?”

He watched in delight as Mingjue’s face did some interesting contortions, shifting from rage, to offended to slightly ashamed and then quickly to dignified composure. Nie Huaisang had expected something like this would happen: inability to focus on schoolwork was a family trait.

“I’m done,” said Mingjue

“You memorised the whole Song of Clarity, already?”

Nie Mingjue was a brilliant strategist and very quick with numbers, but memorisation was not his forte. Nie Huaisang would apply himself to a full hour of saber practice if he was truly done already… Well, maybe not, but he would be very surprised.  

“Not all of it,” admitted Mingjue, “but I can finish the rest later.”

And that was why Nie Huaisang had confiscated Baxia.

“Da-ge, you have been putting it off for days, and now you barely did half an hour!”

“Yes, and I will continue at another time. Now hand me back my saber.”

Except, even if Mingjue wasn’t extremely busy, he spent most of his free time practicing the saber. Huaisang knew his brother was not likely to get back to learning any time soon if he stopped now so it was time for plan B.

“Oh alright,” he sighed heavily, “but Xichen-ge is going to be very disappointed.”

This gave his brother pause and with a flick of his wrist, Huaisang hide his smile behind his fan. Because when Lan Xichen had convinced Mingjue to let Jin Guangyao play for him, Mingjue had offhandedly mentioned that perhaps he should memorise the song of clarity as well. This was, of course, out of suspicion for everything Jin Guangyao, but Xichen had seemed genuinely enthusiastic at the idea and when he had asked about the sudden interest, Nie Mingjue had panicked and lied, saying he wanted memorise clarity because it reminded him of Xichen.

Of all the idiotic, sappy things to say.

If Huaisang ever got a partner, he hoped he would not say such foolish things.

Of course, Mingjue had no choice but to memorise the song now. His brother had walked into this mess on his own, and Huaisang was only too happy to leave him there. Consider it revenge for all the years Mingjue had hounded him for saber practice.  

“Fine. One more hour, then I want it back.”

Nie Mingjue did not even wait for an answer before storming out again. As soon as he was gone, Huaisang started laughing in glee.

XX

It had been a while since Lan Xichen had allowed himself a casual visit to the Unclean Realm. But with Wangji freshly out of seclusion and dedicating all his energies to little Lan Sizhui and his workload currently at a manageable level, he felt he could allow himself a day off. A full day. And two nights. Some very indulgent time spent with Mingjue for everything other than talking business.

He had flown in the previous evening, far past his curfew, and gotten straight to bed knowing Mingjue would join him later. He was really looking forward to a quiet morning together, it had been too long.

He was a little surprised to wake up and find Baxia in bed with them, however. That was new.

Mingjue was laying on his back, snoring softly, and sometime during the night he had tucked Xichen close to him, an arm slung around his shoulders, wrapping him in a warm hug. But with that same arm, he also held Baxia. Lan Xichen could clearly feel the weapon lying against his back, and whilst, yes, sleeping with your weapon had been a common occurrence during the Sunshot Campaign, it was a little odd now.

Xichen leaned up, kissing Mingjue softly on the pulse point of his neck and tracing idle patterns on his chest, waiting patiently until he felt the other stir.  

“Good morning, Mingjue-Xiong,” he said.  

Eyes still closed, Mingjue hummed in content and shifted to bring them even closer together, tangling their legs and incidentally bringing Baxia closer in the same movement. It would be very sweet if not for the dangerous weapon close by.

“Any particular reason we’re sleeping with Baxia?” insisted Xichen, smiling in amusement.

Mingjue blearily lifted his head to check over Xichen’s shoulder, looking just as confused to find his saber there. He rolled over, momentarily crushing Xichen to grab it with his free hand and stretched back to brace it against the bed, freeing them to cuddle without it.

“Sorry, I meant to go practice last night. Must have fallen asleep.”

“So late in the evening? I hardly think your forms are in that much need of work.”

“Mm. Huaisang got it into his head to make me study. Haven’t had much chance to train lately and it’s getting annoying.”

He sounded so put that it woke Xichen completely and he wriggled free so he could raise himself up on an elbow and look at Mingjue properly.

“Clarity giving you trouble?” He asked.

“No matter how many times I listen to it, it just can’t seem to stick,” whined Mingjue.

Xichen smiled down at him, soothing the frown on Mingjue’s face with his thumb. He made a mental note to thank Huaisang for his efforts later, but now it seemed some positive reinforcement was in order.

“I believe I can help with that,” he murmured.

He leaned over to peck him on the lips, smiling as a warm hand tangled into his hair. He deepened the kiss, waiting for the embrace to loosen so he could swing one leg over Mingjue to straddle his waist… and quickly clambered out of bed.

“Come, we have some time now,” he announced.

Mingjue groaned loudly in protest which only made Xichen laugh. To soften the blow and make the experience more enticing, he didn’t bother getting dressed, choosing instead to stay in his inner robes. He sat in front of his guqin, patting the spot next to him as Mingjue dragged his feet to join him, but he settled behind him instead, arms tight around his waist and chin hooked on his shoulder. It ruined his playing posture, but that was fine. This was his favourite place to be after all, and he could play clarity in his sleep by now, so it would take more than that to distract him.

“Focus,” he chided gently when Mingjue started nosing at his jaw, “you’re the one who said you wanted to learn.”

Xichen was not so besotted that he didn’t know Mingjue had an ulterior motive for wanting to memorise Clarity. The other man showed affection in many ways, but he wasn’t the type to force himself to memorise music just because Xichen enjoyed playing. But he also knew better than to pry, and who knew, maybe the exercise would be helpful to keep his Qi under control.

He guided Mingjue through the song, pausing after each section until Mingjue hummed it back to him and rewarded each effort with light kisses on his jaw and cheek. They progressed slowly, lazily. Pressed together as they were, Xichen could feel every vibration of Mingjue’s chest against his back and he let himself be soothed by his clumsy but soft baritone. In the pale morning light, he felt completely at peace, the bubble of happiness in his chest threatening to burst in laughter at any moment.

Xichen continued until Mingjue was able to hum the full song with almost no mistakes before finally twisting around to kiss him properly on the lips.

“There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Mingjue huffed a laugh and Xichen was delighted to notice the blush trailing all the way down his neck.

“I prefer your method over Huaisang’s, that’s for sure,” he muttered.

Xichen laughed again and Mingjue retaliated by capturing his lips in another kiss. He tightened his grip on Xichen’s waist and rolled them over and this time, Xichen let himself be distracted. He did not think Nie Mingjue would forget the song any time soon.

XX

“Stop. You’re playing it wrong,”

Jin Guangyao sighed when Nie Mingjue interrupted him yet again. The man was supposed to be meditating and generally not paying attention but this was the second time he stopped Jin Guangyao mid-play to say he wasn’t playing right. Jin Guangyao wasn’t, of course, but Nie Mingjue wasn’t supposed to be able to notice.

“I am playing it exactly as er-ge taught me, Da-ge,” he said, very careful to keep the exasperation out of his voice.

Nie Mingjue glared at him in response, which in itself was not unusual. But this time, the irritation also seemed directed at himself as Nie Mingjue rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, a common gesture when he wasn’t certain of something. Then, even more chocking, Nie Mingjue started humming to himself what was the exact and correct version of clarity. Jin Guangyao blinked, suddenly feeling very disoriented.

“No, it’s definitely wrong,” Nie Mingjue said eventually, cutting himself off abruptly as if just now remembering Jin Guangyao was in the room.

“You memorised Clarity?” He asked, the words slipping out without him meaning to.

Nie Mingjue shrugged, mumbling something about Xichen and Huaisang teaming up against him.

“You should ask Xichen to go over it again, he is a very good teacher,” he said.

Something must have been in the tea that day, because not only could Nie Mingjue apparently recognise the correct version of Clarity, but he was also actually suggesting Jin Guangyao spent time with their sworn brother? Jin Guangyao found himself scrambling for his composure,

“Of course, I will remedy to it as soon as possible,” he said, a bit lamely.

Their session having come to a premature end, neither of them lingered. Jin Guangyao packed up his guqin and left, feeling a bit disgruntled. Well, there went that plan - what was he supposed to do now?

___

Let’s all pretend Jin Guangyao doesn’t have the time to come up with a more creative solution and Nie Mingjue lives. But Nie Huaisang still resurrects Wei Wuxian because he finds out JGY attempted to kill his brother + the other dodgy shit he is up to and decides he won’t let it stand. And everyone lives happy ever after!

[bloody-bee-tea]

Your lan Quiren defending Jiang cheng fics, ARE THE BEST. I DIDN'T KNOW I NEEDED THEM TILL I READ THEM. THEY ARE FANTASTIC. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING THEM!! If it were up to me I would read 30 different stories about Lan Quiren being the real father figure JC rightfully deserves. Pleasw please could you continue with the moder!AU, in which LQ offers his house in case JC ever needs it? I just need a continuation based on JC going to LQ home and having some hurt/comfort.

Thank yoouuu

Anon: Please please can we have a continuation for that moder Au fix with JC and Lan Quiren?? My heart exploded from all the love. I just want good things for Jiang Cheng. 💚💚. 

Anon: With JC day 7 all I can think about is the next family meal when LX and LW come over just to find Jiang Cheng setting the table 

JC Love Month 2020 Day 17

Loneliness and Thoughtfulness

It seems like this idea was really popular, since three people asked for a continuation of this, so have at it ;) Day 17 of JC Love Month brings more found family with Lan Qiren, who continues to drag Jiang Cheng into his own home, and this time even his nephews get in on this as well. It follows JC Love Month 2020 Day 7.

Jiang Cheng is not at all surprised when Wei Wuxian bounds up to him during one of their breaks.

“Listen, Jiang Cheng,” he starts and Jiang Cheng is rolling his eyes at him before he even goes on.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, you’re not coming home tonight,” he says and he tries to hide just how much that hurts.

Ever since the last fight Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian got into, Wei Wuxian has unofficially moved in with Lan Wangji and his brother. He only comes home sporadically to get some of his shit, but he never actually brings it back home again, and Jiang knows that it’s only a matter of time until he announces officially that he’s moving.

Jiang Cheng is not looking forward to that day.

Jiang Yanli has moved in with Jin Zixuan much more officially and she even cleared out her old room. She barely drops by anymore, not that Jiang Cheng can blame her much, and instead opts to invite Wei Wuxian and him to her new home.

She hasn’t invited Jiang Cheng in almost a week and he tries to not let that get to him.

But when he’s sitting in his own room, the whole house quiet and empty, because his siblings moved on and his parents simply don’t care enough to come home, it’s hard to pretend that everything is alright.

Jiang Cheng has only seen his parents once since he got the cast on his wrist and he’s not entirely sure they didn’t just buy a new house and simply forgot to mention it to Jiang Cheng.

He wouldn’t put it past them.

“You’re right!” Wei Wuxian excitedly says and brings their shoulder’s together. “Will you be okay?” he then asks, much more subdued and he lightly taps the cast still on Jiang Cheng’s wrist.

“Of course I will be,” Jiang Cheng scoffs, even though he’s not sure about that.

Cooking with one hand is damn hard and for the past few weeks when he’s been alone at home—which he is more often than not—he opted to eat take-out or prepared dishes.

It’s not the healthiest lifestyle to have, Jiang Cheng knows that, but the loneliness is getting to him and he can’t get himself up to cook anything, less alone do it with only one hand.

“Good,” Wei Wuxian says, clearly not picking up on Jiang Cheng’s lie and then his gaze strays over to Lan Wangji.

“Go over there already,” Jiang Cheng huffs out, already annoyed with the love sick gazes they throw each other even though there are only a few tables between them.

“If you say so,” Wei Wuxian beams as if he needed Jiang Cheng’s permission to leave his side and then he’s already gone again.

Jiang Cheng stares down at the food in front of him and it feels like the key in his pocket is burning a hole into the fabric.

He knows he could go over to Lan Qiren’s place, but Jiang Cheng doesn’t want to do it too often. He’s scared Lan Qiren will get fed up with him rather quickly if he shows up there every other day, and so Jiang Cheng has tried to limit himself to only go there once or twice a week.

It’s not nearly as often as he wants to go there but he figures it’s better than nothing.

With how today is going, he might have to make use of the key again, because for the first time this week his parents were home during breakfast and while his father didn’t spare him a glance, his mother berated him about how long it’s already been with the cast and she made an appointment to get it taken off.

Jiang Cheng is pretty sure the doctor in the hospital told him it would take six weeks, and it’s barely been four, but he didn’t dare to argue with his mother.

And now Wei Wuxian isn’t coming home either, and Jiang Cheng can think of nothing worse than to go back there; either to an empty house or to see his parents, so really, that only leaves him one choice.

“Dinner is at six,” Lan Qiren suddenly says from behind Jiang Cheng and he wonders where he materialized from. “I expect you at four, so you can help me prepare it.”

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng says through the lump in his throat because he has seen Lan Qiren cook before.

He doesn’t need any help; doesn’t even accept it because he prefers to do it on his own, so clearly, this is only for Jiang Cheng’s benefit.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t make a detour home after class, because a few of his own things have migrated to Lan Qiren’s places as well; mostly stuff he needs to sleep in case he ever stays over again so Jiang Cheng doesn’t need to pick anything else up.

When he gets to Lan Qiren’s house, it’s still dark, so Jiang Cheng uses the key to let himself in. Once inside he sees light from Lan Qiren’s study and Jiang Cheng has to take yet again a moment to himself.

Lan Qiren deliberately let him use the key again, so that Jiang Cheng can see that it’s still working, that Lan Qiren didn’t change the locks or anything else completely ridiculous that Jiang Cheng can’t stop fretting about and Jiang Cheng presses his eyes closed for a second.

Jiang Cheng almost opens his mouth to yell “I’m home” but in the last second he bites his lips.

He shouldn’t take liberties, he shouldn’t assume. It’s not a home; it’s shelter at best.

“Ah, you’re home,” Lan Qiren says just at that moment, completely wiping Jiang Cheng’s mind blank but Lan Qiren doesn’t seem to notice.

“Keep me company in the kitchen,” he says and Jiang Cheng nods before he trails after Lan Qiren.

“I can help,” Jiang Cheng offers, despite knowing how this will go and Lan Qiren sends him a very pointed look that tells Jiang Cheng to shup up, sit down and do his homework.

Jiang Cheng does exactly that.

Lan Qiren is an efficient man in the kitchen and it’s not long before everything is ready; he’s certainly done faster than Jiang Cheng is with his homework.

“Do you have a problem?” Lan Qiren asks when he turns around and sees Jiang Cheng frowning down at his book and Jiang Cheng flushes.

He shouldn’t need help with this; they covered it in class, Jiang Cheng remembers it, so he should be able to figure it out for himself.

“Let me see,” Lan Qiren demands and comes around to look over Jiang Cheng’s shoulder.

“It’s this problem,” Jiang Cheng whispers and points at the passage that trips him up.

Lan Qiren reads it over and then he turns a few pages back, pointing at an entirely different passage. Jiang Cheng reads it over and finds that it’s exactly what he needs to solve the problem he’s working on.

“I’m sorry,” Jiang Cheng whispers, expecting to be scolded like his mother used to do when she was still overseeing his homework, but Lan Qiren only shakes his head.

“Homework is there to learn, there’s no need to be sorry for not immediately understanding a concept,” he gives back and Jiang Cheng can only stare at him.

No one ever actually told him that it’s okay to not get things on the first try and Jiang Cheng ducks his head.

“Thank you,” he whispers and that seems to please Lan Qiren much more.

“Finish up here, and then set the table,” he says, squeezing Jiang Cheng’s shoulder, who nods. “We’ll be four people tonight.”

“Four?” Jiang Cheng blurts out and he goes cold.

“My nephews will come over for dinner today,” Lan Qiren says as if nothing is wrong with that and Jiang Cheng scrambles to get his things together.

“I’ll get out of your way, I’m sorry for intruding today,” Jiang Cheng rushes out, his heart heavy in his chest and he only stops his frantic movements when he realizes that Lan Qiren is staring at him.

“What are you doing?” he demands to know and Jiang Cheng looks down at his book, so he doesn’t have to meet his eyes.

“Getting out of your way,” he lowly says. “Leaving you to your family dinner.”

“Four people, Wanyin,” Lan Qiren reiterates and Jiang Cheng briefly wonders if Wei Wuxian is allowed to come.

He and Lan Wangji are certainly at the boyfriend meets parents stage of their relationship.

“And I don’t mean Wei Wuxian,” Lan Qiren then says and Jiang Cheng’s head snaps up.

“I can stay?” he unsurely asks, because surely Lan Qiren would want to be alone with his nephews but when Lan Qiren nods he sinks down on his chair again.

“Oh, okay,” Jiang Cheng whispers.

“Family dinner is for those I want to have around,” Lan Qiren says, and now he’s not quite meeting his eyes anymore. “And that includes you.”

Jiang Cheng’s eyes immediately start to burn and he’s so tired of always bursting into tears when someone is nice to him, but he can’t help himself.

He didn’t have a chance to build up a tolerance for it yet even though Lan Qiren is very relentless in trying to rectify that.

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng says once he’s sure that his voice will hold and he turns back around to his homework.

He’ll get it done and then he’ll set the table, just like Lan Qiren asked of him.

~*~*~

When the doorbell rings, Jiang Cheng flinches. He thought Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen would have a key but maybe it’s just common curtesy for them to announce their arrival differently.

“You have a key, so you will use it,” Lan Qiren tells him before he marches off and Jiang Cheng sits back down again.

There are low murmurs and then Lan Qiren leads his nephews into the room. They both freeze when they see Jiang Cheng at the table.

“I wasn’t aware we’d have company this evening,” Lan Xichen mildly says though he gives Jiang Cheng a small smile.

When Lan Wangji only stares at him, he sinks further into his chair.

“Wanyin will attend family dinners from now on,” Lan Qiren decides and Jiang Cheng’s eyes get big.

He had thought this would be a one-time thing.

“Alright,” Lan Xichen says easily and then goes off to help his uncle carry the dishes over to the table, something Jiang Cheng can’t do yet, because of the cast on his hand.

“Wei Ying said you went home,” Lan Wangji says after he sat down, a small frown on his face and Jiang Cheng shrugs.

“I didn’t,” Jiang Cheng gives back and when Lan Wangji only glares at him, he looks down at the table.

He really does feel like an intruder.

“Wangji,” Lan Xichen chides his brother when they get back from the kitchen and even Lan Qiren seems displeased by Lan Wangji’s icy glare.

“Don’t mind him,” Lan Xichen says to Jiang Cheng sitting down next to him. “He doesn’t do well with changes, especially unannounced ones.”

“I see,” Jiang Cheng whispers even though he doesn’t.

He steals a glance at Lan Xichen, because it feels safer than to look at Lan Wangji again, and he startles when he finds Lan Xichen already looking at him.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t know Lan Xichen well at all, because he is already attending university and has been ever since Wei Wuxian took an interest in Lan Wangji which really was the start of all of this, Jiang Cheng thinks.

Jiang Cheng is curious to know what exactly Lan Xichen is studying, but he can’t bring himself to ask before they start with dinner, and Jiang Cheng knows enough by now to keep his mouth shut while they are eating.

Lan Qiren’s reprimand the first time had been almost gentle, but Jiang Cheng is still very careful to never forget it again.

Once they are done, Lan Qiren asks Lan Wangji to go with him to his study, leaving only Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng behind.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t dare to think that Lan Qiren wants to speak to Lan Wangji because of how he treated Jiang Cheng this evening, but he fails to see how else he could interpret Lan Qiren’s many glares at Lan Wangji during dinner.

“Join me in the kitchen?” Lan Xichen asks as he gathers up all the dishes and Jiang Cheng nods, before he reaches out to take his own bowl.

“Give that to me,” Lan Xichen says before Jiang Cheng can pick it up and then Lan Xichen looks at his cast. “How is your wrist?”

“Okay,” Jiang Cheng says and then winces. “It doesn’t hurt at all anymore, it’s mostly annoying,” he admits and gets a smaller smile for it, though this one seems more real than the others.

“Will it come off soon?” Lan Xichen wants to know as he gets started on cleaning the dishes and Jiang Cheng shrugs.

“I have an appointment with a doctor on Friday,” he says, still hearing his mother say how he better not miss it and Lan Xichen stops.

“It’s only been four weeks, though, right?” he questions and Jiang Cheng presses his lips together. “A broken bone needs longer than that. You shouldn’t rush it,” Lan Xichen advises him and Jiang Cheng almost lets out a bitter huff.

How is he supposed to take the time to heal properly when his mother will only take it as one more weakness from him.

“Uncle said you’re going to attend family dinner from now on?” Lan Xichen eventually says when it becomes clear that Jiang Cheng doesn’t have a reply for him.

“It seems like it,” Jiang Cheng says, still unsure about it, because he cannot believe that Lan Qiren would want him to come back again.

“It’s good,” Lan Xichen says and then he turns around towards Jiang Cheng, instantly putting him on edge.

“Uncle mentioned that you have a key, but barely use it,” Lan Xichen says and Jiang Cheng grimaces at that.

“Jiang Wanyin, if he gave you that key he wants you to use it,” Lan Xichen gently says and Jiang Cheng shrugs, because Lan Qiren said the same, but it’s still hard for Jiang Cheng to trust it.

“Uncle has been lonely since Wangji and I moved out,” Lan Xichen says almost out of the blue. “He would never admit to it, but it’s true. He misses coming home to someone. Wangji or I were usually home before him and one of us would cook. Uncle misses that the most, I think. A homecooked meal by someone who cares about him.”

“I—” Jiang Cheng starts and then doesn’t know how to go on, because it feels presumptuous to offer to cook for Lan Qiren when he doesn’t know if Lan Qiren would even want him to.

“I could show you his favourite dishes,” Lan Xichen offers and Jiang Cheng finds himself nodding before he can give it a conscious thought.

“Uncle likes his food light and without many spices,” Lan Xichen says and Jiang Cheng scoffs, because yeah, that he noticed already.

“He keeps some spices and chili sauce for you here, did you know?” Lan Xichen asks and before Jiang Cheng can call him out on his lie, Lan Xichen opens a cupboard and true to his words the spices and chili sauce are all there.

The thoughtfulness is enough to bring Jiang Cheng to tears again and he only feels slightly ashamed when Lan Xichen steps close and puts a hand to his shoulder.

“Uncle wants you here,” Lan Xichen says. “He’s not doing it out of pity, if that is what you think. He has always spoken very highly of you and he was worried long before he learned about your situation at home,” Lan Xichen says and Jiang Cheng burns with the knowledge that even Lan Xichen knows that his family home is shit.

“He didn’t go into details, but it’s clear that he wants to take care of you. He’s not good at saying it, he and Wangji are much alike in that, but he means it. So please come home more often,” Lan Xichen softly finishes and Jiang Cheng tries to hide his face when a few tears roll down his cheeks.

“I’ll try,” he chokes out and Lan Wangji and Lan Qiren choose that moment to come into the kitchen.

“Xichen,” Lan Qiren exclaims and is at Jiang Cheng’s side a moment later. “Do not be rude,” Lan Qiren chides him but before Lan Xichen can say something Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“He wasn’t. I’m fine,” he says, even though it’s clear to everyone in the kitchen that he’s not.

Lan Qiren still hovers at his side and Jiang Cheng almost thinks that funny, but then Lan Wangji clears his throat.

“See you next week, Jiang Wanyin,” he awkwardly says and it’s as much of a peace offering as Jiang Cheng will get from him so he simply nods at him.

“See you next week. Do not say hi to my brother for me,” Jiang Cheng says, because he’s not quite ready to have Wei Wuxian ask questions about it, and Lan Wangji seems to understand because he nods.

“Well, until next week then, uncle, Jiang Wanyin, have a pleasant evening,” Lan Xichen also says and pushes Lan Wangji out of the room before anyone else can say something.

“Family dinners are weekly,” Lan Qiren explains, yet again not quite looking at Jiang Cheng. “Plus a monthly brunch on the last Sunday in the month.”

It’s not quite an invitation, but by now Jiang Cheng dares to presume that it actually is an invitation and so he nods.

“I will be there,” he reassures Lan Qiren who strokes his beard.

“See to it that you are,” he says and then makes his way into the living-room.

Jiang Cheng remains in the kitchen until he feels at least a little bit composed again and then he joins Lan Qiren, who is practicing on his guqin.

Jiang Cheng has found that it’s excellent background noise to do some reading for class, so he settles down on the couch with his book and an approving look from Lan Qiren.

It does feel a little bit like home.

Next part!

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

[muqiing]

tagged by @leonzhng​ thanks for making me dig through my most embarrassing crushes 😭✋

i’ll tag @highwarlockkareena​ @yibobibo​ @lan-xichens​ @purplexedhuman​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ @lanzhansmiles​ @nyx4​ i feel like i tag you guys in everything i am so sorry please ignore this if u don’t wanna do it !!

putting this under a read more for reasons

MEN 2010 – 2016

literally nothing more embarrassing than falling on the same type of white man over and over again (with the exception of minho from shinee bless his heart)

tommy joe ratliff → he was the bass player for adam lambert during his glamnation era (think of songs like for your entertainment and if i had you) idk why exactly i liked him so much but i just did.... however i searched him up again quite recently and found out he’s one of those republicans that says the dumbest shit on twitter so Big Yikes

harry styles → “baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, and when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell...” and BOOM 13-year-old me was sold for well over two years

louis tomlinson → basically i liked harry most until around 2013 when for some reason i started to like him a little less, and i got more focused on louis tomlinson, and although i didn’t like one direction anymore louis tomlinson always had a special place in my heart

ashton irwin → so ashton is 5sos’ drummer, i discovered 5sos through one direction & i stanned them until late 2014

harries twins → the harries twins (jack & finn) are basically the reason i started spending a lot of time on youtube, they were funny and pretty and they just had good videos in general, so for almost two years i’d watch their content regularly

choi minho → my first steps into kpop happened bc i was watching videos on youtube (most probably the harries twins) and suddenly i saw the sherlock mv in my recommended videos so i clicked on it and then 14-year-old me proceeded to fall for minho like an idiot

brooks twins → still youtubers, the brooks twins were 3/5 of the janoskians (jai & luke brooks, beau brooks, daniel sahyounie, & james yammouni), an australian youtube comedy group that was active from 2011-2018 though i was only around from 2012-2014 (when jai brooks was dating ariana grande)

jc caylen → surprise! another youtuber! jc caylen was part of o2l (our2ndlife) a youtube collaboration channel on which each of the 6 members posted videos on a certain day in the week (mondays with connor, tuesdays with ricky, wednesdays with sam, thursdays with jc, fridays with trevi (my 2nd favorite member bc she participated on the x factor), saturdays with ricardo, and then they had surprise sundays every week) and i remember how much joy jc & the others always brought me with their silly videos

misha collins → up next, you might know him as the gay angel that was sent to superhell after confessing his love to the homophobic hunter on supernatural, it’s misha collins! basically misha was a huge source of comfort for me, and i even went around calling myself emmisha for almost two full years (cringe)

henrik holm → he played even bech naesheim in skam and my crush on him reached that level of ridiculousness where i actually tried my hand at learning norwegian (i can only remember how to introduce myself and some curse words i would make a great first impression on him)

MEN 2016 – 2021

min yoongi → okay so my baby steps into kpop happened through shinee’s sherlock, but i only got really invested when yoongi dropped agust d 1 because Holy Fuck y’know??

kim namjoon → oh man i remember thinking namjoon was cute and a very good leader and then BAM he dressed like THAT at the 2016 mma’s and i fell in love. hard

park seojoon → i started liking park seojoon whilst i was watching hwarang (you guessed it, i watched it bc of taehyung), although he wasn’t my favorite character by far, but he was very silly off camera & i liked that (i’m not that into him anymore tho </3)

kim seokjin → OH BOY LET ME TELL U i liked seokjin from the very beginning (i got to know bts in late 2014) and i always liked seeing him perform and be himself and god once i realized i had a crush on him it just hit me like a mf truck, and he’s still one of my favorite people to this day

jung hoseok → god fake love era hoseok really hits different.... also yes i know i have all of bts’ hyung line on my list BUT bts was a really big part of my life for almost 6 years soooo honestly they deserve it i still think they’re great guys

choi san → when ateez made their debut in 2018 i immediately fell in love with san, he was such an amazing dancer and he captivated me right from the very beginning, to this day he’s still my bias in ateez uwu

xiao zhan → AND THEN, OCTOBER OF 2019 HAPPENS AND I WATCH CQL AND... i fall in love with xiao zhan, something i’d never expected would happen bc when i watched cql for the first time i wasn’t as invested in the story, but i really really really liked xiao zhan and one thing led to another and now here i am as a xfx

wang yibo → the thing is, i’ve known yibo since eoeo except i didn’t know cql yibo was uniq yibo (bc i’d forgotten his name) and when i looked it up i can tell you my jaw dropped to the floor bc holy shit????? also he is very silly and i love him loads ok

lee minho → ah, the man who has been my skz bias since 2018, not only is minho my bias i also kin him (there’s a lot of aspects of myself that i see in minho and vice versa) and he’s very comforting to me

bang chan → honestly, it was only a matter of time before i’d fall for bang chan, i knew the moment i got into skz again that i’d start biasing him and, well, here i am, double biasing chan & minho

WOMEN

this list is shorter bc i’ve in general always had less crushes on women than on men??? blame society forcing me into thinking i was straight for a LONG time

ariana grande → remember the 2011 layout of twitter?? where u could not only have an icon and a header, but also a background and ur twitter page was smack in the center of ur screen with the big ugly menu bar at the top??? yeah ariana grande was always my background for my l*rr* st*l*n*s*n layouts

perrie edwards → this was right around the time she was dating zayn & little mix was breaking out into the spotlight, yeah i just really loved her

andrea russett → okay so remember o2l?? andrea russett was kian’s girlfriend for a pretty long time and they always did videos together and i always thought she was super pretty

lily collins → maybe i don’t like clary in tmi all that much but i sure liked the way lily collins looked

alona tal → MY BISEXUAL AWAKENING, it’s only when i saw alona tal in spn that i realized, fuck i might be gay

park jihyo → i discovered twice (my 2nd jype group after day6) through the like ooh-ahh mv and red-haired jihyo really did something to my heart (i just rewatched it and god zombie bang chan is so mf cute)

kim jisoo → when bp made their square two comeback i was immediately smitten for red-haired jisoo in playing with fire, it’s also when i realized she was my bias out of the four members

shin ryujin → the reason that i have blue hair is partially bc of ryujin and her amazing intro in wannabe :D

xuan lu → her portrayal of jiang yanli was SO ON POINT and she’s just such a kindhearted wonderful person wow i want her hand in marriage

lee yoobin → god i’ve known dreamcatcher from back when they were still called minx and ever since i’ve always looked at dami that bit more than the rest, i was also able to see dreamcatcher live in october of 2019 and the whole experience was just so amazing !!

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

there’s a whole lot more than just these 10 but i wanted to fit the evolution into one (1) slide as best as i could lmao

peter pan → this movie came out in 2003 (?) and he’s honestly the first fictional character i remember ever having a crush on

legolas → i was really doubting between placing haldir or legolas here but i only really got a vague haldir obsession when i was like 14

zuko → LOOK. ZUKO IN ATLA? HOT. ZUKO IN LOK? HOT EVEN IF HE’S AN OLD MAN.

will turner → man was annoying sometimes but i really liked him and his relationship with elizabeth was cute

jo harvelle → gosh i can’t believe she’s the only female character in here???? yeah she was one of my two spn faves and i’ll never forgive the screenwriters for the way they killed her off

castiel → does your fave ever get sent to super hell for being gay? no? well. mine did

kili → fili and kili’s storyline tore my heart out, spit on it, and then laughed straight in my face, KILI WAS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE DWARF

howl → i only watched this movie for the first time in 2020 so i kinda fucked up the tl cause i watched cql in 2019 but shh, anyways howl with his blonde hair was good looking but howl with his black hair just hits differently. i want a howl

lan jingyi → MY BABY BOY, TINIE LITTLE BABIE WHOMST I MUST PROTECT ok no but seriously this kid. i love him a lot

mu qing → BARK BARK. that’s all (that’s not all i love him a whole lot and it hurts me to see so many people misunderstand his character and only see the bad parts of him when they can forgive others for fucking up (eg. xie lian himself & feng xin) but bc mu qing doesn’t deal well with emotions suddenly he’s the bad guy??? i s2g if ppl are gonna do to him what they did to jiang cheng in the tgcf la i will RIOT)

[vespertineflora]

WangXian Fics

Ongoing:

as the sun will rise E, Fairy Tale AU, Slow Romance/Happy Ending, 50k+ For centuries, the villagers surrounding the Qianlian Forest have been beholden to a fearsome creature. A once loved Prince was long ago cursed into a monstrous form, and ever since has required the sacrifice of maidens to ensure the safety of the forest and the people living around it. This forlorn tradition might have continued for centuries longer... but when it comes time for Lotus Pier to send a maiden as tribute, Jiang Yanli is chosen, and Wei Wuxian won't stand for it. His plan is simple; he'll send Jiang Yanli off to live the long life she deserves with her fiancé, and offer himself as a sacrifice to the Prince instead.

Completed:

at night your body is a symphony E, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, 7k Two weeks ago, mere days after Wei Wuxian’s confession and their first shared kiss, Lan Wangji had been a semi-clueless virgin. Now, Lan Wangji had seemingly unlocked whatever secret code was required to reduce Wei Wuxian to a quivering mess in just a few sparse minutes, playing him as expertly as he played his guqin. Wei Wuxian was half-convinced he'd been seduced by a demon.

do you know who tells the truth? E, Post-Canon, Confessions, 21k Wei Wuxian has been wallowing in feelings for Lan Wangji that he's had a hard time accepting and sometimes, when you need a healthy heaping of the truth, the best place to get it is from drunks and children. (the one in which a short-tempered Jin Ling and a drunk Lan Xichen open Wei Wuxian's eyes to some very convenient truths)

a call to motion E, Post-Canon, Confessions, 14.6k Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji take the junior disciples out on what they expect to be a standard night-hunt, but when Wei Wuxian is targeted with an odd talisman, they end up with a much stranger problem than any of them could have anticipated.

i'd like to drown with you E, Post-Canon, Hot Springs Sex, 7k As soon as Wei Wuxian learns the Cloud Recesses has hot springs, he insists his husband take him, but knowing Wei Wuxian, his intentions go far beyond just taking a relaxing soak.

so full of love E, Post-Canon, Co/ckwarming, 5.1k Wei Wuxian’s head lolled back against Lan Wangji’s shoulder behind him as he let out a faint and content sigh. It was late, well past when Lan Wangji would normally have headed to bed. The only light in the room was the warm glow of the lantern on the desk in front of them, illuminating the hunt notes that Lan Wangji would have graded earlier if Wei Wuxian hadn’t seduced him into bed immediately after their return from dinner. It was a chilly autumn night, and Wei Wuxian was naked, but he had found the warmest seat possible in Lan Wangji’s lap.

oh but you're good to me E, Canon Divergent, Omegaverse, 10k Wei Wuxian had never been good at keeping track of his heats, even though he'd been dealing with them for years. It was one of the many ways Jiang Yanli spoiled him too much, always warning him a couple of days ahead of time so that he'd be prepared... But he and Jiang Cheng had been in Wen territory for weeks now, and after accidentally leading a coup against Wen Chao and being left behind in a cave with Lan Wangji and the terrifying demi-xuanwu, the last thing Wei Wuxian expected was for his heat to sneak up on him now. (basically, an aboverse au where poor omega Wei Wuxian goes into heat while he and an alpha Lan Wangji are waiting for rescue in the cave.)

The Beauty of Love As It Was Made To Be (series, complete) love; it will not betray you E, Canon Divergent, Omegaverse, 17.9k (pt 1) When Wei Wuxian realizes how strange it is that Lan Wangji is the only disciple from his sect at the Wen Sect's indoctrination, he puts together a haphazard plan to get punished with him and get some time alone to talk to him--only to get punished again when Wen Chao catches him mid-conversation attempt. At first, Wei Wuxian laughs off getting shoved into the empty dungeon, but he soon notices that some strange scent in the room is making him go into heat, which is a twist that Wei Wuxian doesn't understand. It's only when a rutting Lan Wangji gets shoved into the room with him that Wei Wuxian realizes Wen Chao's idea for punishing him is far more demented than he could have imagined. (canon divergent from The Untamed, episode 12)

love; it will set you free E, Canon Divergent, Omegaverse, 25.5k (pt 2) Lan Wangji hadn't been prepared for the punishment Wen Chao had had in mind--and he certainly hadn't been prepared for how it would play out, from Wei Wuxian's suggested solution, to the claiming bite and resulting bond that revealed deeper emotions than Lan Wangji could ever have anticipated from Wei Wuxian. Surviving the indoctrination camp is only the first step down a long road towards the life he's desperate to have with his new mate.

imagine being loved by me E, Post-Canon, Rope Bondage, 11.2k After a year together, Wei Wuxian has been tied up with his husband's forehead ribbon enough times to get an idea of what he likes, and decides to get him a present to make things a little more fun for both of them. But as usual, when Wei Wuxian asks for trouble, he always gets a little more of it back than he's expecting.

the best of you (belongs to me) E, Modern AU, Bondage & Sensory Deprivation, 7.4k Having received no reaction from Lan Zhan, Wei Ying couldn’t help himself; he rubbed his hips more pointedly against Lan Zhan, moaning faintly at the fiction he’d generated as he inhaled slowly, the scent Lan Zhan was wearing filling his nose and making his head buzz with memories of Lan Zhan pinning him to the bathroom wall, taking him forcefully as he covered his mouth with his hand to keep him quiet...

The chopping of vegetables stopped. “Wei Ying, I started cooking because you said you were hungry,” Lan Zhan said, trying to sound patient, though his tone was faintly vexed. “Do you want dinner or do you want sex?”

Wei Ying huffed softly, pouting at his own inner turmoil, before replying, “...yes.”

the heart is hard to translate E, Post-Canon, Consensual Non-Consent, 10.8k For months, Wei Wuxian had been haunted by the most enticing fantasies of Lan Wangji kissing him on Phoenix Mountain turning into something quite a bit more explicit--which was nothing new for him, really. He'd been babbling about fantasies of Lan Wangji overpowering and ravishing his younger self ever since their very first time together, and it wasn't as if those fantasies had gone away over time. If anything, they'd just grown more diverse, more... creative. The moment comes almost out of the blue when, one relaxed spring afternoon, Lan Wangji decides that he's ready to offer Wei Wuxian an opportunity to play out that very delicious fantasy about their stolen first kiss.

and i'll get you lost E, Post-Canon, Fem!Wangxian, 8.4k After a year of marriage to her wonderful wife, Wei Ying's sex life is anything but stale--but she's nothing if not always eager to try something new. The minute Lan Zhan tells her she has a surprise for them, Wei Ying can hardly wait to find out what it is. (a canon-compliant, post-series AU where Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are both ladies)

these words are knives that often leave scars T, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, 6.5k Wei Wuxian hadn’t been lying the night he’d told Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji that he didn’t remember the days after the massacre at Nightless City, but his memory had always been awful, so he hadn't given much thought to just how many pieces of his memory were missing. Since his reincarnation, memories from his past life have been coming back to him bit by bit, and he doesn't seem to have much control over it--but if he did, he would have chosen to never remember what happened those days in that cave in Yiling.

one last drink T, During Canon, Grief/Mourning, 1.1k Wei Wuxian had always said that the Emperor's Smile in Gusu was the best liquor he'd ever had. He'd never have a chance to drink it again now, so the least Lan Wangji could do was have a drink in his memory. (WangXian Week 2020 Prompt: Emperor's Smile)

how it was to feel alive T, During Canon, Grief & Hurt/Comfort, 4k On Lan Wangji's first day out of the Jingshi in the months since his severe punishment, he takes Lan Yuan to go visit his rabbits. The trip doesn't go according to plan, but it ends up being the push Lan Wangji needs to move forward. (An au where everything is the same, EXCEPT Lan Wangji's rabbits are Flemish Giants). Written for Untamed FallFest 2020: Remains.

r/relationships T, Modern AU, Pining & Confessions, 10.6k Lan Zhan has been in love with his best friend for nearly a decade and despite his attempts, has never managed to confess. Now that Wei Ying's lease is almost up, there's a chance he'll be moving in with him soon, and Lan Zhan isn't sure that's something he'll survive... The impending stress leads to a drink, which in turn leads to a desperate Reddit post that goes viral and attracts attention and advice from... well, none other than Wei Ying, resulting in a series of failed attempts at getting Wei Ying to realize just how Lan Zhan feels about him.

surely to the sea T, Modern AU, Hair Washing/Non-Sexual Intimacy, 2.1k Lan Zhan has had a rough week at work, so Wei Ying decides to do something very sweet for him.

[satonthelotuspier]

🐰 Untamed Spring Fest 2020 🐰

Day 12 - Rebirth - 1.1k

This is Modern Era Canonverse NieLan. You can find the first part here if you’re interested (link to AO3 due to tumblr being a small indie developed site that is currently broken and doesn’t have the first part of this appear in any of the tags I used ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is now lost forever )

Karma’s Promise - Chapter 2

Lan Huan had believed in the notion of reincarnation, of rebirth, for as long as he had been able to understand the concept.

He believed so unfailingly because he had always been sure he was the reincarnation of a man called Lan Xichen, titled Zewu-jun, and regarded by the cultivational world he had lived in as the first gentleman of his generation.

Lan Huan had been considered something of a prodigy growing up; he had shown innate talent and aptitude in so many areas, such as art, calligraphy and music. He had won awards in archery and there had been some talk of him going on to represent China in sabre fencing at the Olympics during his early teenage years. He genuinely believed these were all talents he had retained from that previous Lan’s soul.

And this man who sat on his couch right now, who he had invited back to his apartment without second though, despite the fact his lean, aggressive handsomeness and undercut, gelled back hair made him look a little dangerous, had been his husband, once upon a time.

He wasn’t the slightest bit frightened of him, however, despite how he appeared; nervous, definitely, but not frightened. He knew him so well he didn’t need to be. This man sat on his couch wasn’t his husband reborn, like Lan Huan was sure he himself was, this was him, Nie Mingjue, somehow alive after all these many centuries.

If he was a man given to flights of fancy he might think he was trapped in a dream, or that maybe he was in a coma and imagining this. In fact Lan Huan had spent years thinking his dreams were flights of fancy, and he was finally sure now, with Nie Mingjue front of him, that he had been perfectly sane all along, as inexplicable as that might sound to someone else.

He finished making tea, and, placing the drinks on a tray, carried it over to the pine coffee table.

He placed the cup and the bottle of baijiu in front of Nie Mingjue; the tea was for himself.

“Thank you for agreeing to talk with me, Mingjue-xiong” he murmured, and the other gave him a searching look.

“It should be me thanking you, A-Huan. You know what he was to me, so any chance I have to get to know you better is welcome. I do hope you realise I’m not here with any expectations, I know you’re not him exactly, not like I am. I just hope I can be someone you rely on as we get to know each other better”

Lan Huan would never have thought otherwise of Nie Mingjue; again, he knew him so well from those dreams, he knew he’d never expect anything Lan Huan wasn’t willing to give him.

Due to his professional life he had to approach potential relationships of any kind very carefully, one slip of even a friendship looking like a romantic entanglement in the tabloids and his management company would crucify him. Any possibly romantic relationships were suppressed due to his marketability as a single, straight male.

The straight part had always been untrue anyway; he’d known he was gay for as long as he could remember understanding the difference between liking boys and girls, but it didn’t matter because he wasn’t allowed a public relationship, any entanglements had to be kept completely under wraps. Best to keep to liaisons with colleagues who were in the same boat. He had had a few such liaisons, but mostly it had seemed like more effort than it was worth.

He was sure Nie Mingjue would allow their future friendship to proceed with caution if Lan Huan explained the implications of being an idol.

That was for the future, however, although it gave a good indication of how certain he was in his own mind that they had a future. Whether it be as friends, found family, or more, time would tell.

“Mingjue-xiong, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you come to find me?”

“I saw you on the television. The costume drama you did. I tend to have some on in the background for company, especially costume dramas, they’re more soothing. I was oiling Baxia and paying no attention, but I heard your voice; and looked up. You are very similar in all things, from your intonations to the way you move”

“Not just my face then?”

“Not just your face. It was your voice I recognised first”

That he could virtually be a carbon copy of that other man, it gave weight to his thoughts that his aptitude for archery, swordsmanship and the gentler arts was inherited from that person.

“Was he a good man?”

“You don’t know?”

“My point of view is biased. I know he thought he tried to be, and I know he thought himself a failure. I think he was probably very hard on himself, but my dreams were his memories, so it’s hard to tell”

“He was the best of men, A-Huan, kind, loyal and righteous. The world wasn’t kind to people in that time of war, but he always tried his best. If he had a failing, it was his  willingness to believe the best in people, even if they didn’t deserve it. If you consider that a failing”

Of course Lan Huan had known of the other’s trust; and that it had cost Lan Xichen dearly. He had never been the same again after he had learned of what had become of Nie Mingjue, and at the hands of his supposed friend.

They sipped at their drinks, both deep in thought for a while.

“You still have Baxia?” Lan Huan asked eventually, moving back to what Nie Mingjue had spoken of earlier.

“I do. Her sabre spirit is long silenced though. Sometimes I wonder what happened to Shuoyue, or Bichen, or Suibian. Perhaps the internet might hold the answers; if they ever surfaced again”

“Do you think they might have?”

“Perhaps, swords are hardy relics”

“I would love to see Baxia, if I may, Mingjue-xiong. And I would dearly love to see Shuoyue too. Perhaps we should look into it together”

It would be something they could work on together, to get to know each other better without forcing it, and maybe it would help him connect more with Lan Xichen, the tragic man who’s soul had been reborn in him.

He hoped for both their sakes Lan Xichen fared better in this lifetime.

[roboticnebula]

Gentians - a ficlet

Xicheng ficlet taking place in my Futuristic!AU. Jiang Cheng is an engineer, Lan Xichen works in conservation of old earth artifacts and specialises in flora which is just an excuse for me to have him gardening. 

Summay: It’s not unusual for Jiang Cheng to come visit Lan Xichen. He has been a regular at Cloud Recesses for months now, but this is not a normal visit. Jiang Cheng takes a leap of faith, it changes things between them.

___

This was stupid.

Jiang Cheng had no reason to be nervous. He had been at Cloud Recesses thousands of times already. Lan Xichen regularly called him over for repairs. A suspicious amount of repairs, considering Gusu Lan was not a very technological planet, but really that was no bother and he always made the trip as soon as possible. At first, it was because Wei Wuxian had asked him to keep an eye out for Lan Xichen, freshly out of seclusion, and now he actually enjoyed staying for tea with the other man when his work was done. He even had his own entry chip. They were friends.

Yet, there were knots tying his stomach. He had been standing in front of the Cloud Recesses’ gate for close to 15 minutes and he could not bring himself to cross the threshold.

The small flowers felt heavy in his hands. They were safe in their round suspension chamber, with enough battery to last a full week. There was no emergency… He should leave. Come back another time when he was actually needed and not just to drop off some stupid flower -

“Wanyin!”

Too late.

He spotted Lan Xichen coming up the path behind him, Lan Sizhui and Lan Jinyi close behind him pushing levitating carts full of equipment, apparently coming back from a supply run. Seeing him out and about still filled Jiang Cheng with relief. He often wondered when that streak of protectiveness had snuck up on him, but there it was. It was undeniably pleasing to see him healthy. Lan Xichen still couldn’t go on long trips, but his face had regained all its colour and he looked like he still had energy after climbing the stairs all the way up to Cloud Recesses. He was miles ahead from the thin shadow he had been when Jiang Cheng had first seen him a year ago.

When they reached him, the juniors sent him a knowing look even as Lan Xichen waved them ahead. They snuck several unsubtle happy glances at them as they disappeared around the corner and Jiang Cheng had no doubt his impromptu visit would be reported back to his brother.  

“This is a surprise,” said Lan Xichen, bowing to him in greeting, “I am very happy to see you!”

Jiang Cheng returned the bow and ignored the pleased thrill in his heart at the bright smile directed his way. He was still grappling with everything it made him feel to see Lan Xichen so happy to see him. Hopefully, he wasn’t about to make a complete and utter fool of himself.

“I just came by to drop something off,” he said, bracing himself.

He handed the flowers over, watching Lan Xichen’s eyes widen in surprise as he carefully took them and immediately cradled them close, cheeks flushing.

His client had called them Gentians. She had insisted he take them as a thank you for his work because she had no other way of paying, adding they were just gathering dust and she had no idea how to take care of them anyways. Jiang Cheng had immediately though of Lan Xichen, and how he would probably like them. He hadn’t expected him to start tearing up however.

His heart jumped in panic and he instinctively leaned closer to ask what was wrong – was it the flowers? Were they some hidden insult? – but Lan Xichen just shook his head and a smile suddenly reappeared on his face as he looked up from the flowers and straight at him.

“Thank you, Wanyin, these are truly wonderful,” he said, very softly.

Then, before Jiang Cheng could flee, he caught him by the hand and pulled him inside Cloud Recesses, leading him straight to his gardens hidden at the back and to the greenhouse, where he grew all of the rare and precious flowers.

Lan Xichen only let go when he found a free spot in partial shade and kneeled down onto the fresh dirt, beckoning Jiang Cheng to do the same. He obeyed, fingers tingling with warmth where they had been held, and watched silently as Lan Xichen removed the gentian plant from its pod with practiced movements and placed it down.

“They were my mother’s favourite flowers,” said Lan Xichen as he scooped the earth with his fingers, “there used to be so many of them around here, we were even able to let them grow in the wild.”

In all the times he had come over, Jiang Cheng did not remember seeing any flower of this kind. A sinking feeling made itself known in his chest.

“What happened?” He asked, tentatively.

“The Wens burned down Cloud Recesses. There was nothing left of them for me to regrow.”

Jiang Cheng was all too familiar with this pain. He was still weighed down by his own memories of a similar attack on Lotus Pier, of the fire and everything around him burning. To this day, they were still finding what used to be a rare artefact or a priceless piece of tech, now burned to a crisp and lost forever.

“I’m sorry,” he said, roughly.  

“Ah, but Wanyin, you brought them back to me!”

Lan Xichen placed the small plant upright in the hole and pushed the soil back into place, focusing intently on a task he must have done thousands of times already.

“It means more to me than I can say,” he said, quietly.

He smoothed out the soil and leaned back to survey his work, lips curled in a small smile of satisfaction. The gentians looked unassuming in their little corner, dwarfed out by their neighbours, but the thought of them taking root and blooming somewhere they had previously been eradicated gave Jiang Cheng an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction, more than such a small gift had any right to.

“I can’t wait for you to see what our hills look like with them,” added Lan Xichen, indirectly looking up at him through his eyelashes, still fussing with the dirt in front of him, despite being clearly done.

Jiang Cheng’s heart skipped a beat at this implication of a future, joy bubbling inside him and threatening to burst out of him in song.

“Neither can I,” he said, unable to hold back a lopsided smile of his own.

At the admission, Lan Xichen’s focus shifted entirely to him. His cheeks and the tip of his ears were dusted with pink and suddenly Jiang Cheng could not resist any longer.

He leaned forward, careful not to crush the flowers between them, and caught Lan Xichen’s mouth in a soft kiss. He didn’t have to wait before a smile curved up against his lips, a hand came up to gently cradle his cheek and he mirrored the movement, brushing a strand of dark hair behind the ear as he deepened the kiss. He noticed for the first time that, beneath the petrichor, Lan Xichen smelled of sandalwood.

They only parted when the need to breathe became too hard to ignore and even then they didn’t go far, foreheads pressed together. Lan Xichen was still smiling and the kiss must have short circuited Jiang Cheng’s brain because the only thing he could think to say was -  

“You know, you don’t have to deliberately break things to have me come over.”

Lan Xichen’s eyes shinned with mirth, his thumb lightly brushing specks of soil off his cheek, and he leaned forward again.

“Well now I don’t,” he murmured against his lips, “my Wanyin.”

And alright, perhaps this hadn’t been such a stupid idea after all.

[roboticnebula]

Orbital Debris - 4 times being in space was unpleasant for Lan Xichen + one time it actually went alright

“Just ficlets,” I say, “short ones to get it out of my system,” I say as I keep writing more and more. Anyways, this is yet another installment of my Futuristic!AU (which I should have called the Space!AU!! I am a fool).

___

 ONE

Lan Wangji immediately grabbed his hand when they stepped on the shuttle and Lan Xichen’s chest tightened with shame. At a time like this, he was the one meant to be comforting his distraught little brother, not the other way around. Yet there it was. His dìdi, usually uncomfortable with touch, face blotchy with restrained tears and eyes stubbornly fixed on the ground, still reached out to him.

Lan Xichen gently squeezed back, hoping to convey he was fine, that Lan Wangji did not need to worry himself further. He focused on the warmth of that hand as they shuffled towards the back of the shuttle, to sit in front of the porthole as was their habit and did not let go, even as they buckled themselves in. Neither of them said anything as the shuttle smoothly lifted from the ground and the scenery below them got smaller and smaller.

Lan Xichen could never bear to look, he focused instead on his little brother. Lan Wangji was old enough now that he didn’t wave goodbye to the white figure stuck on the ground, watching the shuttle carry them away. He knew, now that she could not see them. He only sat stiffly as the distance grew, already counting the days before their next visit. All Lan Xichen could do was coax him to lay his head on his shoulder for some rest – a gesture he knew Wangji would also outgrow soon.

It was a half an hour trip between Gusu Lan and the moon that kept their mother in seclusion, a very short trip by space standards. But the distance wasn’t what worried Lan Xichen. He counted the satellites, the asteroids and the debris all in orbit between them and their mother. So much could go wrong, so easily. The smallest collision and they would be planet bound, unable to do the short trip, and what would happen to their mother then? Who would bring her supplies? Who would visit?

When they landed, Wangji was fast asleep, exhausted from the emotional day behind them. That was fine, because Lan Xichen was not ready to let go of him just yet. He lifted him in his arms, tucking his chin on his brother’s shoulder and carried him off the shuttle.

From here, their mother’s moon was no bigger than his fist. It looked horribly lonely, and not for the first time, Lan Xichen wondered why it had been necessary to strand their mother so far away.

TWO

Lan Xichen numbly followed his uncle who led him to the back hills, far from the main buildings where a single escape launch pad was hidden in the grass. It was odd to see him run. It almost let Lan Xichen believe this was all just a nightmare, if not for the panic beating between his temples and the heavy, heavy weight in his arms of their sacred texts, quickly downloaded into hard drives and packed into protective pouches. Cloud Recesses was well and truly burning.

His eyes were stinging from the smoke and he had long stopped wiping away the tears trailing grooves in the soot on his cheeks. The air was so full of smoke, they were short of breath when they finally got to the launch pad but there was no time for pause. Over the roar of the flames and even from this far away Lan Xichen could hear people screaming. He desperately wanted to turn back and help, but this had to be taken care of first. He had to see his uncle and their texts off planet and then he could go help the others. 

Lan Qiren hurried to unseal the door and their precious cargo was loaded on board, but instead of climbing inside after it, he turned to Lan Xichen, holding the door open for him.

“Get in,” he said.

Lan Xichen reeled and took a step back.

“I can’t leave -”

“We don’t have a choice.”

His uncle caught him by the shoulders, squeezing tight and urging him to look up at him.

“Xichen. If Wen Xu finds you, he will kill you. For the Lan sect to survive, both you and the texts have to escape.”

His tone was measured but a tremor in his voice betrayed his worry. He gently reached up to wipe the tears off his cheek and Lan Xichen felt his resolve crumble. He swallowed against the dryness in his throat, tried to formulate one last argument for why he should stay -

“Wangji. What about Wangji -” he wheezed out instead

“Wangji is smart. The other disciples and I will protect him. You will see him when this is all over.”

Lan Qiren squeezed his shoulders one final time and, at Lan Xichen’s shaky nod, shepherded him towards the escape pod. He crawled inside, heart thumping in his chest, knees knocking on the sides and barely finding space between the bags. His uncle took hold of the door again, preparing to close it -

“Head to Lanling, it is the only place still out of reach from the Wens,” he instructed.

Then the door snapped shut and sealed itself, cutting off all sounds from the outside. Immediately, Lan Xichen fought the urge to jump out. The silence was heavy, unnatural, only a mocking echo of the quiet and tranquility of the place he called home and the small space felt horribly hot, beads of sweat already forming on his back. Still, with shaking fingers, he entered the coordinates that would take him off planet.

The last thing he saw was his uncle standing at a safe distance, surveying the area for any Wen that might come this way. Then the pod launched, the green scenery faded to white skies, then darkness. His heart squeezed even tighter when he flew past his mother’s moon, now empty.

Once in space, the inside of the pod cooled down quickly. Lan Xichen could see his own breath in the air and ice condensed on the porthole, forming spider webs of white veins. He was well and truly alone, hurtling far away from home in a pod that could be knocked off course by as little as a rock drifting too close.

But he couldn’t think about that. He had to survive, he had to protect the texts.

He forced himself to focus, double checked his course, verified all systems were functioning normally and when there was nothing left to do, curled up around his precious cargo, making himself as small as possible, and waited.  

THREE

For the first time in a long time, Lan Xichen felt sick. The ship shook around them as the engines roared to life and he squeezed his eyes shut, curling in on himself as they launched out of the atmosphere of Lanling. His mind was spinning uncontrollably and the usual pull in his guts as the ship ripped itself away from the planet’s gravity was dizzying.

“There, there, er-ge, breathe, we’re almost there.”

A-yao – no, Jin Guangyao gently hooked a finger under his chin and tilted his head back to be better supported by the headrest, his hands flying over Lan Xichen’s body to simultaneously tighten the belt and the handcuffs, and caress his hair in comfort. Lan Xichen could only cling to his sleeves and waited for the artificial gravity of the ship to take over and for the nausea to pass.

He hated himself already for this moment of weakness. Hated that, despite the revelations of the past few hours and his own kidnapping, A-Yao’s presence could still be anything close to comforting and outraged that the man still took the liberty to behave so familiarly despite his betrayal.

It only added to his disbelief. How could the same man capable of this kindness be the one behind so many crimes? How could A-Yao be so kind to him when he had so ruthlessly poisoned Mingjue? The nausea, he realised, wasn’t only because of the space travel this time. In his heart, Lan Xichen still could not connect the man he thought he knew with the one he now knew was Jin Guangyao, as if one has suddenly replaced the other.

Finally, Lan Xichen felt the ship escape the last grips of gravity and smoothly start gliding through the void of space. His heart stopped fluttering like a caged bird, leaving only the familiar and more manageable weigh of loneliness in his chest. He took a deep breath to brace himself and opened his eyes to the grey walls and flickering light of the ship’s cargo bay.

He noticed that, on top of being adrift in space, he was now securely cuffed to his seat and his spiritual power still tightly sealed within him. His stomach back flipped anxiously and abruptly he urgently wanted Jin Guangyao as far away from him as possible. Before he could make his demand, however, the other man squeezed his shoulder one last time and pulled away, standing up over him.

“I know this was unpleasant for you, er-ge –“

“Don’t call me that,” interrupted Lan Xichen.

It was rude but he could not bring himself to care beyond the disgust provoked in him by the term. Jin Guangyao merely smiled placating at him.

“We will be at Guanyin moon in under an hour,” he continued.

Jin Guangyao urgently needed to leave this system and Lan Xichen knew this was why he had taken him along as hostage. The only possible reason he could have for the detour was for his mother’s body, but the moon was still a long way from the outer limits, so how far did he plan on dragging him along?

“And then what?” he asked, voice thin even in his own ears.

“As soon as I am able, I will set you free, uninjured.”

“Should I believe you?”

Jin Guangyao’s lips twitched up in another frigid smile.

“Do as you like. You don’t really have a choice,” he said.

He tugged one last time at the restraints to make sure they were secure and finally stepped back, heading for the door leading to the pilot’s cabin. Lan Xichen felt a spike of fear at the prospect of being left alone, but quickly crushed it down. He needed the space to think.

“Get some rest, er-ge,” said Jin Guangyao, before he stepped out of the cargo bay and sealed the door behind him with a hiss.

Lan Xichen was alone in the empty room, with nothing but the hum of the engines and the sound of his own breath, the cuffs cold around his wrists. He resolutely kept his eyes fixed on the wall in front of him, instead of the window that would give him a view of the stars flying past them.

Lan Wangji was probably aware something was wrong by now, his brother had been expecting his reply hours ago already. Lan Xichen hoped that he and Wei Wuxian had gathered enough information to guess where Jin Guangyao was headed. There was a chance they would intercept them at Guanyin moon.

In the event they didn’t make it, Lan Xichen would have to make his escape alone. He had a sinking feeling that Jin Guangyao did not intend to let him go in the near future and Guanyin moon was his best chance to make a break for it. When the opportunity came, he needed to be calm and ready.  

He forced himself to relax into his seat, closing his eyes to meditate.

He focused on the weight of the little pouch still against his breast. There was still a chance that he could get it to Nie Mingjue in time. Maybe, just maybe it would save his life, even reverse some of the effects of the poison. Maybe he could still fix his mistake –

First, he needed to get out of here.

FOUR

Lan Xichen always felt more at ease in ships rather than smaller shuttles or pods, but today it seemed he wouldn’t be able to relax. He gripped the straps of his seat more tightly, wondering if he would at least manage to fall asleep for the duration of the 5 hour trip it would take to reach Yunmeng Jiang. A warm hand dropped on top of his, drawing his attention to his neighbour.

“Are you ok?”

Jiang Cheng’s eyebrows were slightly furrowed in concern. He had unbuckled his own seatbelt to stretch the moment the ship’s artificial gravity had activated and was now leaning in his seat, head tilted towards Lan Xichen, with all the ease of a man who had been in space thousands of times already.

“Do you want to have a walk around?” He asked

“I would rather stay here, if you don’t mind,” Lan Xichen tried for a reassuring smile, but was aware it came out strained when the pinch between Jiang Cheng’s eyebrows deepened.

“You know you could have told me you didn’t feel ready yet, right?”

Lan Xichen felt warmth pool in his stomach at the concern and his smile, this time, was more genuine. When Jiang Cheng had invited him to visit Lotus Pier, Lan Xichen had been delighted. It had felt right for it to be his first trip out of Gusu and even now, despite the stress of being in space again, he knew it had been the right decision to come. He let go of the strap to intertwine his fingers with Jiang Cheng’s and squeezed, already breathing easier with this small point of contact.

“I know,” he said and meant it, “but I promise, this is nothing important.”

Jiang Cheng raised an eyebrow at him, not satisfied. He was of the opinion that Lan Xichen should express his own thoughts and needs more often and so started drawing small circles at the back of his hand with his thumb in a clear sign he intended to wait him out.

“I was never really comfortable in space,” admitted Lan Xichen, eventually, if only because talking helped keep his mind off his current situation.

Admittedly, he had been better at handling it before. Lan Xichen had been required to travel often as sect leader after all, so he had managed to get his fears under control. But it seemed he was out of practice. The last space trip he really remembered had been the horrible one with Jin Guangyao. After that, he hadn’t been able to handle the stress of the trip back to Gusu and had asked the ship healer to knock him out for the duration.

“How come? Did something happen?”

“No, nothing like that. It just makes me feel… lonely. And without control. We are so small, anything could happen -”

He trailed off, bitten by sudden self-consciousness. Jiang Cheng travelled in space all the time and did not have a problem with it. Next to him, it felt very silly to get so worked up about a standard space trip, especially in this day and age where they were common and necessary.

“I suppose I never thought of it like that,” Jiang Cheng voice cut through his thoughts before they could spiral, “but then again, I was practically raised in zero gravity. My parents often brought us out on jobs so I had to get comfortable quickly.”

“It’s still silly, I know, I promise it doesn’t usually hit me so badly -”

“It’s not silly,” said Jiang Cheng, firmly, “Tell me what I can do to help.”

He squeezed his hand again and gave him a smile, one that lit up his whole face and softened his eyes and never failed to make Lan Xichen weak in the knees.

“This already helps,” he said, gesturing to their joined hands, delighted at the slight blush that powdered Jiang Cheng’s cheeks, “but mostly I just try to sleep or distract myself.”

He was amused when Jiang Cheng seemed to consider the issue very seriously. Then it was his turn to blush when the other man lifted the armrest between them and pulled him closer, wrapping an arm around him and guiding him to tuck his head on his shoulder.  

“There, sleep.”

The embrace was warm, it felt safe. Lan Xichen’s stomach fluttered with that happy feeling again, all thoughts of the void outside forgotten. He nuzzled Jiang Cheng’s neck and let himself be lulled to sleep by soft fingers threading through his hair.

+ ONE

The satellite was the Nie sect’s latest creation and Nie Mingjue’s very own pet project, his first since he’d come out of his coma. Of course, Lan Xichen insisted he wanted to be there when Nie Mingjue announced it was finally ready for a visit. Satellites were still outside of Lan Xichen’s comfort zone, but this was important. He wanted to be there to show his support and he didn’t want either of boyfriends to worry about him, so he swallowed down his anxieties and declared himself more ready than ever for a jaunt in space with them.

Up to this point, he’d had no reason to regret it. It had actually been a pleasant walk around. He was still slightly on edge, of course, but that had been effectively drowned out by the waves of fondness he felt for the two men accompanying him.

Nie Mingjue kept pointing out all the different sections in excitement. The hundreds of docking stations along each leg leading up to a large central module, the diurnal cycle of the lights, the silent mechanisms of the doors and even the thrusters to correct orbital trajectory when they were visible from a window. Jiang Cheng was listening intently, obviously indulging him since the Jiang sect had done a significant portion of the engineering work. His expressions cycled from amusement, to fondness to exasperation when he noted something not quite up to spec.

Most of the explanations went over Lan Xichen’s head, but he loved watching the both of them. By the time they got to the central module he was actually excited along with them and relaxed enough to fully appreciate the breathtaking view waiting for them.

The roof was paneled with windows, giving them a direct view of the lush green surface of Qinghe Nie. Just beyond it, Lan Xichen could even see Gusu Lan shinning in the distance and right opposite of that, Yunmeng Jiang. The sight made Lan Xichen smile, as if seeing all three planets together made the distance between them seem not so unsurmountable.

He was just about to tell Nie Mingjue how beautiful it was, when there was a ring and the automatic voice of the satellite’s computer interrupted. Artificial gravity malfunction.

One moment, he had both feet firmly planted on the ground, the next he was slowly floating upwards. He shivered with discomfort when at first his body could not find its balance and his hand only met air when he tried to catch himself, heart jumping in his throat when he realised he was not equipped to be sucked out into space.  

But now was not the time to panic. Lan Xichen had been enjoying himself and was determined to see this through, gravity or not and a quick look at his boyfriends’ more annoyed than worried expressions told him they were in no real danger. He forced himself to relax into this new weightlessness and smiled reassuringly at Nie Mingjue and Jiang Cheng.

At first, he tethered himself next to them, holding on to both their belts, but they quickly got into a heated discussion about the gravitational engines, most of which was incomprehensible technological babble to Lan Xichen so he allowed himself to drift away for a look around instead.

He never minded floating in zero gravity, and he’d been doing more and more space trips lately, his composure came to him more and more easily. And if there was anyone he trusted to get them out of trouble, it was Nie Mingjue and Jiang Cheng. It still surprised him sometimes, how much he adored them without restraint. There had been a time he didn’t think he would ever be able to trust himself again.

He took the time to admire the view, mostly the one of the two men below him, looking very handsome in their respective purple and dark green space suits. Jiang Cheng eventually seemed to give up and with one graceful kick floated up to Lan Xichen’s level, mirroring his earlier gesture by catching his belt to pull himself close.

“It really is quite a view, no?” He said, nodding at the stars.

“Mn, beautiful,” replied Lan Xichen, clearly still looking at him.

He laughed when Jiang Cheng flushed in surprise and when he retaliated by pulling him even closer and dropping a kiss on the tip of his nose. Just when Lan Xichen leaned up for a proper kiss, Nie Mingjue caught them both by the ankles and pulled them down to him, stealing a kiss of his own and wrapping one arm over both their shoulders.

“Nothing too bad, but artificial gravity won’t get fixed today,” he announced, “so we can go back planet-side if you want.”

Nie Mingjue had had the forethought of tying himself to a cable so they could pull themselves back down. They were flying suspended together like a balloon tied down against the wind and Lan Xichen was being held between the two loves of his life. There really was nowhere he’d rather be.

“No, it’s fine,” he said, smiling brightly, “I’m good here for now.”

___

In this AU everyone lives and that includes Nie Mingjue! He gets poisoned by JGY which puts him in a coma, but he comes out of it after a few years (because medical space tech). So pairings are: past Nielan, Xicheng and eventually Mingxicheng because LXC deserves to have two boyfriends.

[roboticnebula]

Heard it was mermay, wrote a smol thing: it’s soft and fluffy, just how I like it!

__

A spell gone awry turns Lan Wangji back into a child and Wei Wuxian crashes at Jiang Cheng’s to wait it out. As a happy side effect, this gets Lan Xichen out of seclusion.

Merfolk and wizards AU in which everyone went through some shit but is slowly healing.

[bloody-bee-tea]

JC Love Month 2020 Day 6

Best Friend and Hope

Day 6 of JC Love Month brings some fake marriage for Mingcheng because otherwise JC might just lose JL. There also comes a confession of feelings with that fake marriage ;) 

Jiang Cheng is frozen. He knows he should move, knows he should stop Nie Mingjue from signing the document, but he can’t bring himself to do it.

Jiang Cheng knows that this is the worst thing he has ever done in his life—mostly because it’s going to affect Nie Mingjue’s life as well—but then Jin Ling gurgles into his shoulder and Jiang Cheng tears his eyes away from Nie Mingjue.

They have to do this. They have to do this, or Jiang Cheng is going to lose Jin Ling and he cannot bear for that to happen.

This is the only chance Jiang Cheng has.

“That’s it then?” Jin Guangyao suddenly asks and Jiang Cheng guesses Nie Mingjue is done signing the marriage license.

“Yes,” the officiant says, though he sounds as unhappy about it as Jiang Cheng feels. “Usually the couples kiss, though,” he then adds and Jiang Cheng goes cold.

Theirs is not a wedding out of love or even affection and Jiang Cheng really wishes that Nie Mingjue didn’t have to do all kinds of shit just so that Jiang Cheng gets to keep Jin Ling.

But Jin Guangyao is looking very expectantly at them as is Lan Xichen, though his look holds less of a challenge, and Jiang Cheng knows that they can’t talk their way around this.

“Of course,” Nie Mingjue says and then he turns towards Jiang Cheng, his face softer and more indulging than Jiang Cheng ever deserves, he’s sure of that.

“Come here,” Nie Mingjue mutters, before he tugs Jiang Cheng close. He frames his face with his hands—Jiang Cheng tries very hard not to think about how big they are and how perfectly they feel, cupping his cheeks like that—and then he pulls him close for a kiss.

Nie Mingjue is very mindful of Jin Ling, who is still blissfully sleeping through the whole event on Jiang Cheng’s arm, and then every thought flees Jiang Cheng’s mind, because Nie Mingjue brings their lips together.

It’s soft and almost fleeting, but it’s sweet enough that it brings tears to Jiang Cheng’s eyes.

This is everything he ever wanted and he got it all for the most horrible wrong reasons now and as soon as they are done Jiang Cheng turns away from Nie Mingjue.

“Oh,” Lan Xichen mutters and when Jiang Cheng looks at him—everything is safer than looking at Nie Mingjue right now—he sees a thoughtful look on his face. “I see,” Lan Xichen softly says and then tugs on Jin Guangyao’s sleeve. “Let’s go, A-Yao,” he says and while Jin Guangyao looks like he wants to rip Jin Ling right out of Jiang Cheng’s arms, he turns around and follows Lan Xichen out of the room.

“Well, that’s that then,” Nie Huaisang says, with much more cheer than this whole situation warrants in Jiang Cheng’s eyes, and he ushers them out of the room as well.

Jiang Cheng was very adamant that there would be no celebration—this is nothing to celebrate, in his eyes, and he is still in mourning after all—so he’s not sure what’s expecting them right now.

“Let’s go home,” Nie Mingjue says, one hand protectively at the small of Jiang Cheng’s back, and Jiang Cheng has to bite back some tears yet again.

He knows Nie Mingjue only agreed to this because Nie Huaisang is Jiang Cheng’s best friend, and Nie Mingjue never learned to say no to his little brother—even in life changing things. Jiang Cheng doesn’t know if he should be thankful for it or if he should hate it.

“I’ll leave you alone, so you can put him to sleep properly,” Nie Huaisang says, carefully stroking a finger down Jin Ling’s soft baby cheek and Jiang Cheng fights the instinct to snatch Jin Ling away from him.

Nie Huaisang is not going to take him from Jiang Cheng, he reminds himself. Nie Huaisang is the only reason Jiang Cheng gets to keep Jin Ling, after all.

Well, one of the reasons, because it’s only thanks to Nie Mingjue agreeing to his horrible plan that Jin Guangyao doesn’t get to be Jin Ling’s guardian.

“Thank you, Huaisang,” Nie Mingjue says when it becomes clear that Jiang Cheng is not going to find his voice any time soon and then Nie Huaisang is gone.

The ride home is a blur to Jiang Cheng, his mind going through all the consequences this decision will have for Nie Mingjue, and Jiang Cheng is very close to a panic attack by the time they reach their newly bought house.

Jiang Cheng didn’t want to live in the family home—it felt wrong, as the only remaining Jiang—so they sold it soon after the accident, and Nie Mingjue thought it would be better if they don’t subject Nie Huaisang to a wailing infant, so they bought a new house for them.

Jiang Cheng is sure he would like it, normally, but the circumstances make him hate it more than he can put into words.

Jin Ling makes an unhappy sound when Nie Mingjue stops the car, and before Jiang Cheng can react to that, Nie Mingjue is already there, taking Jin Ling out of his carrier. 

Jiang Cheng is too tired and still too full of grief to appreciate the sight of him carrying a small baby, but they are married now.

Jiang Cheng is sure he’ll get to see it again when he’s in a better headspace and then it’s bound to be as devastating a blow to Jiang Cheng’s feelings as it’s supposed to be.

“It’s okay, I can do it,” Jiang Cheng mutters, already reaching out to take Jin Ling from him, but Nie Mingjue pushes him towards the house with one hand, the other securely holding Jin Ling.

“It’s alright,” Nie Mingjue reassures him. “Let me do it for now.”

Jiang Cheng can’t find it in him to protest, but he vows to himself that it won’t be a regular occurrence. 

Nie Mingjue is already doing him a huge favour by marrying him; Jiang Cheng really shouldn’t unload even more duties on him than that.

“For now,” Jiang Cheng says and leads the way to Jin Ling’s room.

Nie Mingjue was the one who picked out most of the furniture in the house, since Jiang Cheng was too shocked by everything that happened to participate much. He likes what Nie Mingjue picked, but even if he didn’t, Jiang Cheng knows he would never tell Nie Mingjue. 

It’s his house, too. He should get to make some decisions, when he already couldn’t really choose who would live in it with him, or who he would marry.

Jiang Cheng can’t bear to watch Nie Mingjue put Jin Ling down, so he finally takes him out of his arms and then puts him into the crib himself, and Nie Mingjue lets him without commenting.

Jin Ling stays fast asleep, and the moment Jiang Cheng moves away from the crib he breaks down again.

“I’m so sorry,” he sobs out and immediately Nie Mingjue is there.

He pulls him into a hug, and simply lets him cry, like he did so many times in the past. Jiang Cheng has not been the most stable person lately.

“What are you sorry for?” Nie Mingjue asks when Jiang Cheng calmed down at least a little bit and Jiang Cheng is glad that his face is still hidden in Nie Mingjue’s chest.

“You can never divorce me,” Jiang Cheng says, because ever since Nie Mingjue put his signature on that damn slip of paper, he’s been thinking about it. “You can’t. If you do, they are going to take Jin Ling from me. You have to wait until he’s at least fifteen and gets a say in the whole matter or until Jin Guangyao dies.”

The last part startles a chuckle out of Nie Mingjue and he agrees easily. Too easily, considering the fact that Jiang Cheng is ruining his life.

“Alright. No divorce, then.”

Jiang Cheng’s mouth twists with how bitter he’s feeling, but there is nothing he can do to change it now.

If Jin Guangyao even suspects that they are not the happily married couple they pretend to be then he’s going to rain hell on Jiang Cheng and Jiang Cheng is not strong enough to stop him and his army of lawyers. 

If Nie Mingjue leaves him, then there’s nothing preventing Jin Guangyao from taking Jin Ling from him.

It was already a hard enough fight to get the court to agree to this; a stable family home with two married parents was the condition for Jiang Cheng to get custody of Jin Ling since he was admittedly a mess after he lost his entire family in less than a year.

He had barely started to cope with the death of his parents when Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan died in a more than suspicious car crash and Wei Wuxian disappeared that same night.

To say that it left Jiang Cheng reeling is the understatement of the year and the only reason he even somewhat pulled through is the fact that he had to care for Jin Ling and that Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang were there for him through it all.

And now they are forced to be there for him for the foreseeable future, if they want to or not. Jiang Cheng barely knows what to do with himself around Nie Mingjue, his crush on the other man nearly debilitating in its intensity, and every time Jiang Cheng reminds himself that Nie Mingjue only agreed to marry him to keep him from shattering completely it feels like he’s being sliced wide open.

But they are going to play a married couple now and they are going to do it well enough for Jin Guangyao to believe it because otherwise Jiang Cheng might just join his family if he loses Jin Ling as well.

“It will be fine,” Nie Mingjue says, and Jiang Cheng only somewhat belatedly realizes that he’s still pressed to Nie Mingjue’s chest.

He moves away, a telling flush rising on his cheeks, but Jiang Cheng scrubs a hand over his face and hopes Nie Mingjue will think it’s because of the tears.

He wants to keep his last shred of dignity, at least.

“I hope so,” Jiang Cheng whispers, his voice rough, and he turns back to the crib, where Jin Ling continues to slumber on.

Jiang Cheng only hopes he can protect his nephew.

~*~*~

Living with Nie Mingjue is a form of hell, specifically tailored to slowly drive Jiang Cheng insane.

Nie Mingjue is perfect.

He loves Jin Ling and dotes on him, but he’s also the only one in this house with any knowledge of child-rearing, so he takes the lead in a lot of things.

Jiang Cheng is eagerly soaking up every morsel of knowledge Nie Mingjue gives him and Jiang Cheng thinks he’s not half bad at caring for Jin Ling as well, even though he sometimes does burst into tears as well when Jin Ling is inconsolable.

Nie Mingjue never once held it against him and always very calmly consoles first Jin Ling and then Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng thinks it’s entirely unfair that he’s the only mess in this fake marriage but on the other hand he’s glad about it. If they were both messes no amount of fake marrying another could have prevented Jin Guangyao from taking Jin Ling away from Jiang Cheng.

But Jiang Cheng is very weak and very much in love and his heart can absolutely not take even one more single sweet gesture.

Jiang Cheng has to tell Nie Mingjue that he’s in love with him simply so he stops doing things Jiang Cheng is entirely unprepared to cope with and then he has to pray to all the gods Jiang Cheng knows that Nie Mingjue will still stay.

They don’t even have to share a room anymore; Jiang Cheng isn’t sure why they are doing it in the first place, but he was in no place to protest the first time it happened and then it simply kept happening, and Jiang Cheng thought the moment to bring this up had long passed.

But he keeps waking up with Nie Mingjue next to him, always curled towards him and on the very bad days he wakes up cuddled up to Nie Mingjue which is all kinds of bad.

It can’t go on.

“Wanyin, if you’re worried about something, put Jin Ling down, you can’t keep squishing him like that, he’s not a cat,” Nie Mingjue gently chastises him when he finds Jiang Cheng pacing in the baby room, Jin Ling in his arms and Jiang Cheng immediately gentles his hold.

“Am I hurting him?” he asks, frantically checking Jin Ling over, but he thinks that if Jin Ling was truly hurt or uncomfortable, he would be screaming his head off by now.

“No, but you can’t keep using your nephew as a prop,” Nie Mingjue says with a small smile and then simply takes Jin Ling from Jiang Cheng.

Who is left standing in the middle of the baby room, the love of his life cradling his infant nephew to his chest and Jiang Cheng has never felt more love than in that moment.

And it’s a problem.

“Please don’t divorce me when I’m done,” Jiang Cheng blurts out and effectively catches Nie Mingjue’s attention.

“I thought we already established that I wouldn’t?” he gives back and Jiang Cheng worries the hem of his shirt instead of answering him immediately. “Wanyin, what’s wrong?” Nie Mingjue asks, clearly picking up on the fact that this is not one of Jiang Cheng’s usual meltdowns.

“I know you did this as a favour to Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng starts and very deliberately doesn’t let his mind stray to the first and only time Nie Mingjue has kissed him, because that is so the wrong thing to think about at the moment.

“And I know we said this was for appearances only, so that I could keep Jin Ling,” Jiang Cheng goes on and he’s ashamed when he realizes that he’s shaking.

He has always been so weak.

“But?” Nie Mingjue prompts him when he doesn’t go on and Jiang Cheng takes one last deep breath.

“But I’m in love with you. I have been for a really long time, and I can’t do this anymore. I—you’re so attentive and sweet, and so good with Jin Ling and you allow me all kinds of liberties like sleeping next to you or holding me during a movie, but it’s not right. I shouldn’t be the one you give all of that to.”

Jiang Cheng is breathing hard, but he’s not yet done, even though he can’t meet Nie Mingjue’s eyes, not before he got it all out there.

“You can’t divorce me and we cannot take the chance of you taking a lover and Jin Guangyao finding out, so that really leaves you settled with me, and I am so sorry for it. I know you probably imagined your life differently than helping out your brother’s friend and losing all chances of a happy future for yourself, and I can never thank you enough for it, but it’s not fair to you at all, especially not because I never said a thing.”

“Wanyin,” Nie Mingjue says and his voice holds enough authority that Jiang Cheng’s eyes automatically snap up to him. “When I imagined marrying you, I always thought it would be because we’re in love,” Nie Mingjue tells him, and Jiang Cheng’s heart starts to race at those words.

The hope that blooms in his chest is a very dangerous thing, Jiang Cheng knows it, but he’s not strong enough to smother it completely.

“I thought you weren’t in love with me when you asked; you were desperate and grieving and it seemed like the only idea to you at the time. But I never agreed because you’re my brother’s friend. I agreed, because you’re Jiang Wanyin and I’m in love with you. I thought like this I would at least get to take care of you.”

“Oh,” Jiang Cheng whispers, blinking rapidly because Nie Mingjue’s words simply don’t compute.

“I love you,” Nie Mingjue says, softer this time, and Jiang Cheng sways forward.

It’s not a problem at all, because Nie Mingjue welcomes him readily, one arm already extended to him and Jiang Cheng melds against his body like he was made to fit there.

And suddenly a thought crosses his mind.

“Is that why Jin Guangyao hasn’t been pressing so hard anymore? Because Lan Xichen realized what you really felt when you kissed me that day?” he asks, because he remembers the little sound Lan Xichen had made and how he had tugged Jin Guangyao away.

“Yes,” Nie Mingjue says and presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s head.

“Why didn’t I realize?” Jiang Cheng mutters as he slings his arms around Nie Mingjue and he can feel Nie Mingjue chuckle.

“Because you were a little preoccupied with your kid and the loss of your family,” Nie Mingjue gives back.

“Our kid,” Jiang Cheng corrects him immediately and then prays for forgiveness from his sister.

“Wanyin,” Nie Mingjue whispers and Jiang Cheng reluctantly lifts his head to look at him.

It was a very comfortable spot to be in.

“All this time?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng nods.

“All this time,” he agrees. “Every time I woke up with you still in bed I thought I was dying. Every time you are just so amazing with Jin Ling I want to die on the spot because it’s the perfect picture. Every time you are more than good to me my heart hurts because I thought that was just how you are. But it’s not, is it?”

“No, that’s just for you,” Nie Mingjue nods and then he sighs. “I was trying to give you space,” he then admits. “I would have cuddled you more if I had known it was okay.”

“And kisses?” Jiang Cheng dares to ask, because by now he trusts this.

If Nie Mingjue says he loves him, then he does.

“All the kisses,” Nie Mingjue gives back and immediately leans down to kiss Jiang Cheng.

It’s just as soft as their first kiss, but it’s a lot sweeter, simply because Jiang Cheng knows that it’s mutual this time.

That Nie Mingjue really wants this, him. It’s a very good feeling.

“So, no divorce?” Jiang Cheng asks when they part again and he melts on the spot when he sees Nie Mingjue’s dimples as he smiles.

“Never,” he promises and Jiang Cheng believes him.

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[bloody-bee-tea]

BeeTober 2020 Day 17

Moon - Falling

Day 17 of BeeTober 2020 has some more Mingcheng in store, this time in a modern au where NHS and NMJ made a pact that comes back to bite them both in the ass now.

Nie Mingjue is acutely aware that he can’t tear his eyes away from Jiang Cheng.

It’s not a problem—at least at the moment—because Jiang Cheng is accepting an award for being the youngest, most successful CEO in the last ten or so years, and he’s giving a speech.

Everyone’s eyes are on him, so it’s not too noticeable that Nie Mingjue cannot look away.

But how is Nie Mingjue supposed to look away, when the gods gifted Jiang Cheng with a face structure like that, and piercing eyes, and a soothing voice and the most precious smile.

Not even to mention how his entire beauty only seems enhanced with how the light of the moon hits him just so.

No, Nie Mingjue never stood a chance, he realizes now.

Jiang Cheng isn’t completely done with his speech when Nie Mingjue forces himself to turn away and leaves in search of the bar. Maybe some alcohol will solve his problem.

He just ordered something strong, when Jiang Cheng appears next to him.

“Not enjoying my speech?” Jiang Cheng asks, putting his award on the bar as he motions for the bartender.

“No offense, but it’s all the same blah blah,” Nie Mingjue gives back and toasts Jiang Cheng when he smiles. “To your award.”

“I got this,” Jiang Cheng says with a frown and nods towards the statue, “because I brought the company to heights it has never been at before. It wasn’t that hard with how my father ran it into the ground before me.”

Nie Mingjue very forcefully puts his glass down again and fully turns towards Jiang Cheng.

He has known him for almost all of Jiang Cheng’s life, because he and Nie Huaisang are best friends, and it always rubbed Nie Mingjue the wrong way, how Jiang Cheng continues to put himself down, time and time again.

And maybe it’s time he says something about it.

“Bullshit,” Nie Mingjue says and Jiang Cheng turns wide eyes on him. “Even if your father managed to almost ruin the company, you still saved it. And even more than that; it’s one of the most successful in the city today. Not everyone could have done this and you deserve this award and so much more,” Nie Mingjue tells him and when Jiang Cheng slightly blushes at his words, Nie Mingjue turns back to his drink.

“Thank you,” Jiang Cheng says and gently brushes their shoulders together. “I don’t think anyone stated it this clearly before.”

“Yeah, well, they should have. You have done well, Wanyin, and you can be proud of what you achieved.”

“Are you?” Jiang Cheng asks and immediately afterwards he grimaces as if he didn’t mean to say it.

“Proud of you?” Nie Mingjue wants to know and he doesn’t wait until Jiang Cheng nods. “Of course I am. I still remember the too angry boy that would grumble on our couch when Huaisang was too enthusiastic about something and it’s a real joy to see you grow up into a too angry man that can whip even the worst company into shape,” Nie Mingjue tells him with a wink and Jiang Cheng blushes again.

“Childhood friends are the worst,” Jiang Cheng grumbles under his breath, only proving Nie Mingjue right and when warmth floods Nie Mingjue’s chest, he wonders how he never before noticed that he was falling in love with the young man.

“Nah, you love us all,” Nie Mingjue gives back and then promptly swallows the rest of his drink before he turns away. “I have to go, mingle some more, or Huaisang might actually kill me,” Nie Mingjue says with a groan and Jiang Cheng laughs.

Nie Mingjue never realized just how much he loved hearing that sound before.

“And he might just succeed, too,” Jiang Cheng playfully says and let’s Nie Mingjue go without another word.

Once he’s a very safe distance away, Nie Mingjue takes a deep breath. Normally, he’s a very straight forward kind of guy. If he’s interested in someone he tells them, and then they can figure out where to go from there.

But he can’t with Jiang Cheng, because he and Nie Huaisang made a pact when Nie Huaisang was still small, and Nie Mingjue promised to honour that pact.

And that means Jiang Cheng is off limits.

~*~*~

Nie Mingjue lets himself into Lan Xichen’s apartment and when he finds him on the couch, he promptly flops down there as well, neatly placing his head in Lan Xichen’s lap.

“Huaisang is going to kill me,” Nie Mingjue says even before Lan Xichen can ask what’s going on and he sighs when Lan Xichen starts to undo the braids in his hair.

“You’re redoing them,” Nie Mingjue grumbles, but he melts when Lan Xichen’s nails scratch his scalp.

“Of course I am,” Lan Xichen easily agrees. “Why is A-Sang going to kill you?”

“I’m in love with Jiang Cheng,” Nie Mingjue comes straight to the point and makes an unhappy noise when Lan Xichen’s fingers freeze.

“I don’t see why he’d kill you for that,” Lan Xichen eventually says as he picks up where he left off again. “They are best friends, right? Shouldn’t A-Sang be happy about this?”

“It’s because they are best friends that he’s going to kill me,” Nie Mingjue groans and then slightly shakes his head. “Fuck, I can’t believe I fell for Huaisang’s childhood friend.”

“Well, Jiang Cheng is a very admirable person,” Lan Xichen offers and Nie Mingjue looks up at him.

“Admirable? That’s the understatement of the year. He turned out so well, and I don’t just mean that in terms of looks. His family life is shit, we all know that with how his parents continue to drag everything into the spotlight, and yet he’s one of the best friends anyone could wish for their younger brothers.”

“He’s also the best brother anyone could wish for, if you believe Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli.”

“And have you seen him with his nephew?” Nie Mingjue asks and now in retrospect it’s really embarrassing that it took him so long to notice that he’s in love with Jiang Cheng.

“I did,” Lan Xichen says with a smile and flicks Nie Mingjue’s forehead. “You’re really in deep, huh?”

“Fuck,” Nie Mingjue says and presses the heels of his hands to his eyes. “And it’s not helping that he still comes over all the time. He spends almost as much time on my couch than he did when he was younger, even though I know he has his own apartment by now.”

“And that’s a problem?”

“It is, when he’s working from our couch, because I was not ready to hear him decimate old man Yao on the phone.”

“Uh, I sense a kink,” Lan Xichen teases him and Nie Mingjue can feel himself flush.

He’s normally not that shy, but it’s Jiang Cheng. It’s his baby brother’s best friend. This really is a goddamn problem.

“Never say that again,” Nie Mingjue begs, even though Lan Xichen is probably right and Lan Xichen laughs at him.

“Now, all of this still doesn’t tell me why A-Sang is going to kill you for this.”

“We made a pact when he was about seven, maybe?” Nie Mingjue starts and Lan Xichen makes an encouraging sound. “We promised each other that no matter what happens our friends are off limits for any romantic or sexual relationships,” Nie Mingjue explains and this time when Lan Xichen freezes Nie Mingjue frowns up at him.

“You think that’s strange, right?” Nie Mingjue asks, because of course he would.

Nie Huaisang was really small when they made that pact; small enough that he shouldn’t even worry about something like that at that age, but Nie Mingjue has never questioned it. Nie Huaisang has always been a bit odd to everyone. Only Nie Mingjue never minded his brother’s rather odd thoughts and requests.

“I—yeah,” Lan Xichen finally gets out, and he sounds strangled enough that Nie Mingjue sits up, his hair tumbling all over his chest.

“What’s wrong?” Nie Mingjue wants to know and Lan Xichen can’t meet his eyes before he starts to laugh.

“You really don’t have to worry about A-Sang killing you,” Lan Xichen says then and immediately sobers up. “But please promise me that you won’t kill me.”

“Why should I kill you?” Nie Mingjue asks, but he doesn’t like where this is going, not at all.

“Because maybe A-Sang and I have been seeing each other?” Lan Xichen asks as if he needs to test those words out first and Nie Mingjue springs up.

“What?” he roars because how dare Lan Xichen corrupt his precious younger brother.

“Mingjue, breathe,” Lan Xichen says and Nie Mingjue takes one gulping breath and then a second, and a third.

“I’m calm,” he finally says and it’s not even a lie.

Nie Huaisang is twenty-five now, Nie Mingjue reminds himself. He is old enough to make his own decisions, and really, if Nie Mingjue had to choose a boyfriend for him, Lan Xichen would not be a bad choice at all.

It’s just that—

“That little demon,” Nie Mingjue grumbles. “And here I worry about breaking our pact while he snogs face with my best friend.”

“Please, don’t call it that,” Lan Xichen says with a grimace. “We kissed twice. Really, we’re still seeing where this is going.”

“I do not want to hear that you kissed my baby brother,” Nie Mingjue says and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Unbelievable.”

“Actually, if you want to yell at him in person,” Lan Xichen starts and just at that moment, a key turns in the door.

“Is that him?” Nie Mingjue asks and Lan Xichen nods.

“Xichen!” Nie Huaisang calls out and he sounds way too happy for Nie Mingjue’s taste.

“Huaisang!” he bellows and feels a lot better when he’s met with a surprised squeak.

Time to show Nie Huaisang that Nie Mingjue is still his big brother.

~*~*~

Nie Mingjue refuses to be nervous as he knocks at Jiang Cheng’s door.

If Nie Huaisang managed to bag Lan Xichen who he knew since he was waddling around in pampers, then Nie Mingjue can damn well do the same with Jiang Cheng.

Especially since he is not the first to break their pact and therefore doesn’t have to feel guilty at all.

“Mingjue,” Jiang Cheng says, sounding surprised when he finally opens the door and Nie Mingjue realizes that he can count on one hand the times he has been to Jiang Cheng’s apartment, while Jiang Cheng has a key to his own.

“Is something wrong?” Jiang Cheng asks when Nie Mingjue simply continues to stare at him, but Nie Mingjue can’t help himself.

He’s allowed to stare without guilt now, at least regarding Nie Huaisang and their promise.

“No,” Nie Mingjue says. “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” Jiang Cheng immediately says and steps to the side to let Nie Mingjue in. “Do you want anything to drink?” Jiang Cheng asks him, leaving for the kitchen but Nie Mingjue shakes his head.

“No, thank you,” he politely says and immediately feels uncomfortable.

He should have waited until Jiang Cheng came over the next time; it would have felt much more natural than this.

“Okay, I’m not going to lie, you’re worrying me,” Jiang Cheng says, when he comes back from the kitchen empty handed. “You don’t usually come here.”

“But you usually come to my place,” Nie Mingjue says without thinking and he startles when he sees the hurt frown on Jiang Cheng’s face.

“Should I not?” he carefully asks and Nie Mingjue rubs a hand over his face.

Usually, this is so much easier. He wonders what it is about Jiang Cheng that turns him into a fumbling fool.

“You’re always welcome, you know that,” Nie Mingjue reassures him and then sits down on the couch without waiting for permission. “I’m here because of a pact I have with Huaisang.”

“Okay?” Jiang Cheng asks and sits down on the couch next to Nie Mingjue. “What pact?”

“We’re not allowed to date the friends of our brother,” Nie Mingjue explains and rolls his eyes when Jiang Cheng has to hide a smirk. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, I know he’s dating Xichen.”

“Good,” Jiang Cheng says, amusement colouring his voice. “I would have hated to be the one to break the news to you.”

“Whatever,” Nie Mingjue grumbles and then straightens up again. “But that’s the point actually. He already broke the pact, so there’s no reason for me to honour it anymore.”

“The pact of not dating your brother’s friends,” Jiang Cheng mutters and he blushes bright red when he connects the dots. “And you’re here,” he finishes weakly and Nie Mingjue can’t stop himself from reaching out and cupping his cheek in his hand.

“And I’m here,” Nie Mingjue agrees and his heart beats faster when Jiang Cheng nuzzles into his hand.

“Because you want to date your brother’s best friend.”

“Because I’ve realized I’ve been in love with my brother’s best friend for a while now,” Nie Mingjue agrees and watches fondly as a smile slowly overtakes Jiang Cheng’s face.

“And here I thought all of my flirting was for nothing,” he says and Nie Mingjue laughs.

“Oh no, believe me, your flirting has been received very well,” Nie Mingjue promises him and gently pulls him close. “So this is okay?” he asks, because for all that Jiang Cheng has been flirting, he might still find it weird to kiss his best friend’s older brother.

“More than,” Jiang Cheng promises and closes the distance between them.

Nie Mingjue never knew that broken promises could taste this sweet.

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[bloody-bee-tea]

Himbo - Xichen Week 2020 Day 7

The prompt I chose for Day 7 is “Himbo” though, really, it’s more a free day, with the modern AU and shit. This was inspired by this Tweet on Twitter.

When Lan Xichen comes home, he’s still moving more on auto-pilot than anything else. He closes the door behind him, puts his keys and shoes away, and hangs his coat, like he normally does, but nothing about this feels normal.

Jiang Cheng has confessed to him, has told him the words Lan Xichen has been waiting for, and instead of saying it back, Lan Xichen had frozen and then said ‘Thank you’.

‘Thank you’.

Lan Xichen wishes the ground would open itself to swallow him.

He’s not that lucky of course; in fact, this day is only getting worse, because Nie Mingjue is sitting in the living-room, clearly waiting for him.

“What happened? You look like shit,” is what he greets Lan Xichen with and Lan Xichen throws himself onto the couch, and puts his arm over his eyes.

“Due to personal reasons I’ll be sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.”

“The ocean is far away,” Nie Mingjue says and then there is a pregnant pause before Nie Mingjue continues. “Jiang Cheng said ‘I love you’ and you said ‘Thanks’, didn’t you?” he then asks and Lan Xichen hates his friend with a passion at that moment.

“The reasons are personal,” Lan Xichen tries to reiterate, but it only makes Nie Mingjue laugh.

“I can’t believe this,” Nie Mingjue gets out between bouts of laughter and Lan Xichen melts against the couch, in hopes that he can just disappear.

The couch, much as the ground, is unwilling to help though.

“How can you do this again?” Nie Mingjue then asks and Lan Xichen’s face burns at the reminder.

He had done the exact same thing when Nie Mingjue had confessed to him in high school, and really, Lan Xichen is a grown man now. He should be able to handle this better.

“It’s just—I don’t know,” Lan Xichen laments. “It took me by surprise.”

“How can it have taken you by surprise? You are in a relationship with Jiang Cheng. You knew this was coming. Hell, you’ve been telling me you love him for the past few weeks. This is nothing like back in high school.”

“I know,” Lan Xichen groans out and then turns betrayed eyes on Nie Mingjue. “If you tell anyone, though, I’m going to—,” he tries to threaten, but Nie Mingjue cuts him off with an amused shake of his head.

“Sink to the bottom of the ocean? I think we have that covered.”

“Mingjue!” Lan Xichen shouts out and reaches for a pillow.

It smacks Nie Mingjue right in the face, and that makes Lan Xichen feel a little bit better.

“Just call him, ask to meet up, and then tell him you love him too,” Nie Mingjue reasonably says as he puts the pillow on his lap and Lan Xichen contemplates smothering himself with it.

“As if it’s that easy,” he groans. “You should have seen his face. Fuck, he probably never wants to see me again.”

“Oh, you’re cursing. It must be serious then,” Nie Mingjue says and the teasing note leaves his voice.

“Jiang Cheng he’s—he has—,” Lan Xichen starts but then can’t bring himself to say it.

Jiang Cheng has confided in him, so Lan Xichen can’t just go around blurting his secrets.

“Issues? Gods, don’t I know it,” Nie Mingjue completes Lan Xichen’s sentence and then shrugs when Lan Xichen stares at him. “The guy has been best friends with my brother since kindergarden. I know he has issues.”

“And he’s never going to forgive me,” Lan Xichen says and then falls over, head hitting the pillow in Nie Mingjue’s lap neatly.

It’s not too late to suffocate himself.

“Stop that,” Nie Mingjue says, and takes the pillow away. “You’re a grown ass man. Get your shit together,” Nie Mingjue scolds him but Lan Xichen shakes his head.

He’d really rather just wallow for a few days.

Nie Mingjue seems to plan his new approach, because he falls silent, but the peace isn’t long lived, because Lan Wangji comes home.

And he’s on the phone.

“Let me come over,” Lan Xichen hears Wei Wuxian sweetly say and Lan Xichen almost sprains something in his haste to sit up and shake his head.

“Let him not come over,” Lan Xichen hisses out and Lan Wangji looks strangely at him before he asks Wei Wuxian to wait.

“Why not?” Lan Wangji wants to know and Lan Xichen can tell that he’s already on the defensive, as if Lan Xichen could ever have something against their relationship.

“He’s going to kill me,” Lan Xichen whispers urgently, much to Nie Mingjue’s amusement and Lan Wangji frowns at them, clearly confused.

“Wei Ying would never,” he says determinedly and Lan Xichen wants to rip the phone out of his hand and hang up.

“Wei Wuxian would, if I hurt his precious little brother,” Lan Xichen gives back, willing Lan Wangji to understand and to protect his own brother.

“What did you do?” Lan Wangji ask, suspicion clear in his voice and Lan Xichen sighs as he drags a hand down his face.

“Something stupid,” he admits then, underlined by Nie Mingjue nodding along, face still burning with the memory and Lan Wangji stares at him for a moment longer before he raises the phone back to his ear.

“Be here in twenty,” he says much to Lan Xichen’s horror and then hangs up.

He locks their apartment door in the same move, which Nie Mingjue approves with a thumbs up.

Lan Xichen slaps his chest, because Nie Mingjue has no business stabbing him in the back like this.

“Wangji!” Lan Xichen almost yells, because he cannot believe that Lan Wangji would betray him like that.

“If you hurt someone, you must fix it,” Lan Wangji tells him and Lan Xichen fights the urge to tear his hair out.

“My words,” Nie Mingjue agrees and Lan Xichen turns to glare at him.

“I can’t fix anything if Wei Wuxian kills me first,” he laments but Lan Wangji shakes his head again.

“I will not let him,” he says, clearly secure in his ability to keep his boyfriend in check.

Lan Xichen doesn’t trust his abilities at all. If Wei Wuxian wants him dead, Lan Xichen is dead.

He just hopes Wei Wuxian doesn’t bring Jiang Yanli. None of them stand a chance against her.

When Wei Wuxian finally arrives, it turns out to be much, much worse.

He brought Jiang Cheng with him.

“I told him I don’t want to be here,” Jiang Cheng says as soon as Wei Wuxian dragged him inside and Lan Xichen can only stare at him, and his defensive state.

He hates himself for causing that; Jiang Cheng had almost been at home in this apartment.

“Uh,” Lan Xichen says, unsure what to do now and he shrinks back into the couch when Wei Wuxian levels him with a smile.

It’s terrifying.

“I heard you did something stupid,” Wei Wuxian starts with and Lan Xichen turns towards his brother, hoping for some help, but Lan Wangji is standing behind Nie Mingjue, who seems to be only missing a bowl of popcorn, and Lan Xichen realizes he doesn’t have to expect help from either of them.

Traitors.

“I—yes?” Lan Xichen manages to get out, and Wei Wuxian’s smile gets sharper, if that is even possible, while Jiang Cheng shrinks further into the background.

“Is that a question?” Wei Wuxian asks and his voice makes a shiver go down Lan Xichen’s spine.

He opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

“Here’s a funny anecdote,” Nie Mingjue suddenly says and expertly blocks Lan Xichen’s punch to his shoulder.

Wei Wuxian doesn’t move his eyes from Lan Xichen, but he does motion for Nie Mingjue to go on.

“Back in high school I confessed to Lan Xichen,” Nie Mingjue says and Lan Xichen can see how Jiang Cheng stiffens even further in the background. “Do you know what he said in response?”

Lan Xichen can tell that Wei Wuxian wants to laugh at him, but he keeps his terrifying smile on his face.

“He said ‘Thank you’?” he guesses and Lan Xichen goes red at that.

“He said ‘Thank you’,” Nie Mingjue agrees and now Jiang Cheng finally looks over at him. “It’s his panic response.”

“Ah,” Wei Wuxian says, and then pushes Jiang Cheng further into the room.

“Yes, I panicked, okay?” Lan Xichen finally just yells out and throws his hands up. “I panicked and I did something dumb, can we all just forget about this now?”

“You panicked when I told you I love you?” Jiang Cheng asks and his voice is small and unsure and Lan Xichen hates it.

“I—,” he starts and then has to swallow when Wei Wuxian throws daggers with his glares over Jiang Cheng’s shoulder.

“You could have just said you don’t feel the same,” Jiang Cheng presses out and Lan Xichen springs up with the need to explain.

“No!” he urgently says. “No, listen. I have wanted to say that so often to you, but I didn’t know if you were ready. And then hearing it from you took me by surprise,” Lan Xichen explains and he can see that Jiang Cheng believes him, because his whole posture goes soft.

“He practiced saying it to you in the mirror,” Nie Mingjue helpfully says from the couch and Jiang Cheng has to press his lips together to not laugh at that.

“Really?” he wants to know, but he’s looking at Lan Xichen.

And Lan Xichen has clearly hurt him enough today to deny this. What’s one humiliation more, after all.

“Really,” he agrees and takes a careful step towards Jiang Cheng, who does the same.

“And that’s it, our part here is done,” Nie Mingjue decides and gets up from the couch, ushering Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian out of the apartment. “Come on, boys, I’ll treat you to lunch.”

Neither Lan Xichen nor Jiang Cheng pay much attention to them leaving. They only have eyes for each other now.

“Did you practice it often enough?” Jiang Cheng wants to know and Lan Xichen wants to weep, his boyfriend is so strong and courageous.

“I think so,” Lan Xichen decides and gently takes Jiang Cheng’s hands in his. “Jiang Cheng, I love you,” he then says and when he sees the mischievous glint in Jiang Cheng’s eyes, he knows what’s coming.

“Thank you,” Jiang Cheng replies, before he starts to laugh and falls into Lan Xichen.

Lan Xichen guesses it’s what he deserves, after everything, and he slings his arms around Jiang Cheng’s waist and buries his face in his hair.

Surely, one of these days they’ll manage to say it both.

[bloody-bee-tea]

Like a siren - Xichengclipse 2020 Day 1

@shakespearean-ginger (I still can’t tag you, grrrr)

This belongs to the Sing for me series on AO3 and it follows after Sing me to sleep. This also fills the first prompt for the @xichengclipse​, because the White Tiger likes to nap and that’s what Jiang Cheng wants Lan Xichen to do for a change.

Jiang Cheng is enjoying a nice cup of tea, light breeze making the summer heat a little bit more bearable, and the gleeful shrieks of a happy Jin Ling are the perfect background noise for a day like this.

Jin Ling has started to walk just a few days back, and by now he’s already attempting to run, clearly causing Jiang Mingli more than one headache with that, because Jin Ling seems to favour the edge of the piers.

Jiang Cheng’s own heart stopped more than once already, watching Jin Ling toddle too close to the edge for his comfort, but Jiang Mingli was always there, swiftly redirecting Jin Ling to safer ways or outright scooping him up.

Right now, Jiang Mingli is chasing Jin Ling all over the pier, always just a step behind the toddler, but close enough to sweep him away from the edge should the need arise.

Jiang Cheng can’t help the fond smile at seeing his nephew this happy and he relaxes even further into his cushion.

At least until Zhong Shanyuan comes to the pavilion, a stack of letters in his hands and a serious look on his face.

“Do I even want to know?” Jiang Cheng asks with a sigh, but he puts his cup down as he watches Zhong Shanyuan settle down opposite of him.

“It’s not as bad as you think,” Zhong Shanyuan gives back with a small smile and keeps his hand on the stack of papers, even though Jiang Cheng is already reaching out for it.

“Those are not important right now,” Zhong Shanyuan tells him and Jiang Cheng narrows his eyes at him.

“What happened?” Jiang Cheng demands to know, because now he’s curious and worried.

“The delegation from Qinghe is back,” Zhong Shanyuan says and Jiang Cheng immediately shakes his head.

“Do not tell me they managed to piss off Nie Mingjue,” he mutters, because a feud with Qinghe is the last thing Jiang Cheng needs right now.

“They didn’t,” Zhong Shanyuan reassures him immediately. “They barely had time to speak to Sect Leader Nie. He went into qi deviation two days into their visit.”

Jiang Cheng wants to ask if his people managed to piss off Nie Mingjue that badly that it resulted in this, but then it hits him.

It’s been two weeks since then. If the delegation returned without talking to Nie Mingjue, then chances are the deviation went on for a lot longer than it should have.

“Is he alright?” Jiang Cheng asks, and Zhong Shanyuan nods.

“He’s recovering. Sect Leader Lan came in when it was apparent the deviation wouldn’t stop any time soon and he and Jin Guangyao played for Nie Mingjue tirelessly for almost the entire time.”

“That’s good,” Jiang Cheng mutters, though he can’t help the new spark of worry that settles in his gut.

If Lan Xichen spent all his days playing for Nie Mingjue, then he will be in bad shape, too. Jiang Cheng knows that it always hits him hard when Nie Mingjue suffers such an episode, and frankly, Jiang Cheng is surprised that Lan Xichen left him alone at all.

“Lan Qiren was scheduled for a meeting with some smaller Sects, so Lan Xichen had to hurry back,” Zhong Shanyuan tells him, as if he can read his mind. “Word is, Lan Xichen looked worse than Nie Mingjue when he parted.”

Jiang Cheng works his jaw a few times, before he levels Zhong Shanyuan with a look.

“Why are you telling me this?” he wants to know and Zhon Shanyuan gives him a small smile.

“Maybe it’s time you visit the Cloud Recesses,” he suggests. “Sect Leader Lan has always come here. Why not change it up for once?”

Jiang Cheng can’t deny that he’s itching to go see Lan Xichen, to make sure that he’s doing okay after what happened to Nie Mingjue, but then his eyes fall on Jin Ling.

“He’s old enough to travel,” Zhong Shanyuan softly tells him, clearly following his gaze. “It would be good for him to see something different. And we didn’t make the harness for nothing,” he tacks on but Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“I do not have an invitation,” he mutters.

“That never stopped Sect Leader Lan,” Zhong Shanyuan gives back without a pause and Jiang Cheng clicks his tongue.

“That’s different. He’s always welcome here. But you need an actual pass for the Cloud Recesses.”

“And you think you’re not always welcome there?” Zhong Shanyuan questions and Jiang Cheng can feel himself flush. “You think Sect Leader Lan didn’t make sure to inform everyone there that you’re welcome? I do remember him inviting you, you know.”

“You don’t know if that’s true,” Jiang Cheng tries but Zhong Shanyuan is clearly unimpressed.

“And you don’t know if it isn’t,” he shoots back. “What’s the worst that could happen? They tell you Sect Leader Lan is indisposed. And even then Jin Ling would still have his first flight.”

Jiang Cheng mulls that over but he knows that Zhong Shanyuan is right. And if he’s being honest with himself, he itches to see Lan Xichen, wants to know if there is anything he can do for him.

So far it’s always been Lan Xichen who helped him, and while Jiang Cheng has learned to accept that, he wants to return the favour, wants to be there for Lan Xichen, too. 

“You really want me to go,” Jiang Cheng mutters. 

“I think it’s time you visit him in his home, too,” Zhong Shanyuan gives back and Jiang Cheng sighs. “And I think he could use some help right now,” Zhong Shanyuan adds, and Jiang Cheng has already lost, he knows it.

“Fine,” he mumbles. “I’ll fly early tomorrow.”

It gives him enough time to make the trip there and back again in one day, should he be denied entrance, but it also gives him enough time to stop multiple times if Jin Ling does not enjoy flying.

“Good,” Zhong Shanyuan says with a firm nod, and only then does he slide the stack of letters over to Jiang Cheng. “Read them, sort them into piles of ‘can wait’ and ‘let Zhong Shanyuan deal with this’ and then enjoy the rest of your day.”

“You can’t just order me around and give me the day off,” Jiang Cheng huffs. “I am the Sect Leader.”

“And don’t we all know it,” Zhong Shanyuan gives back but he doesn’t budge from his stand.

They stare at each other for a few minutes, but in the end, Jiang Cheng slumps.

“Fine,” he says with an eyeroll and takes the latters. “You win.”

Zhong Shanyuan only gives him a very winning smile, but doesn’t actually say anything, for which Jiang Cheng is thankful.

That night, Jiang Cheng can‘t sleep. He has gotten gradually better at sleeping through the night, but he’s still almost worse at it than Jin Ling.

Once word of Jiang Cheng’s sleeping problems reached Jiang Mingli, he had insisted on taking Jin Ling into his own quarters every second night. The first few nights, Jiang Cheng didn’t sleep at all, too worried that something was wrong with Jin Ling but the more he saw Jiang Mingli interact with Jin Ling, the lesser his fear became.

He knows Jiang Mingli adores Jin Ling and would never let come harm to him.

But that only meant that Jiang Cheng’s own problems and fears managed to take a hold in his dreams and ever since then he hasn’t slept through a whole night.

Until Lan Xichen played for him.

Jiang Cheng refuses to acknowledge that ever since Lan Xichen played for him, Jiang Cheng’s nights have become more peaceful, but a tiny part of Jiang Cheng knows it to be true.

It even goes so far that Jiang Cheng just has to remember the song Lan Xichen first played on Liebing for him, and then the one he hummed after that, and Jiang Cheng gets instantly sleepy.

He would accuse Lan Xichen of using spiritual power on him even though he told him not to, but Jiang Cheng knows Lan Xichen would never do something like that.

But this night, not even the memory of the song helps. Jiang Cheng’s brain keeps working, conjuring images of how exhausted Lan Xichen must be, how shaken after this long qi deviation of his closest friend and Jiang Cheng worries for him.

He thinks he knows Lan Xichen well enough by now to know that he didn’t even rest once during the whole ordeal and he must be beyond exhausted and drained, especially if he played using his spiritual energy this whole time.

That thought turns into Jiang Cheng worrying if him going to the Cloud Recesses really is the best move—what if he just disturbs Lan Xichen in his deserved rest—but then he reminds himself that he was always grateful to see Lan Xichen, no matter how bad he was doing.

He just hopes he can do the same for Lan Xichen.

When Jiang Cheng finally makes it out of his room in the morning to get Jin Ling and some breakfast for them, Zhong Shanyuan gives him a very knowing look. Jiang Cheng silences him with a glare, before he can actually say anything and then Jiang Cheng busies himself with Jin Ling.

It seems like he slept through the night; he doesn’t do that often, but Jiang Cheng hopes that the times he does will get more now.

“He was just fine,” Jiang Mingli reassures Jiang Cheng again and Jiang Cheng nods his head in thanks.

“Do you think he’ll still fit into the harness?” Jiang Cheng asks him, critically eying Jin Ling, even though he can’t remember how small he was when they first fitted it.

“I had it adjusted,” Zhong Shanyuan chimes in and Jiang Cheng has yet again to admit that he is more than capable.

“Thank you,” he tells him honestly, and then quickly strips the harness on, before they settle Jin Ling into it.

It fits him perfectly.

“You really think he will be fine?” Jiang Cheng can’t help but to ask as he smoothes a hand over Jin Ling’s soft baby hair.

“Don’t fly too high or too fast and he should be just fine,” Jiang Mingli says, effectively easing Jiang Cheng’s worries.

“Alright, then,” he says and carefully mounts Sandu, staying low for now to find his balance and until he’s sure that a sudden movement from Jin Ling won’t knock them clean off his sword.

“Fly save,” Zhong Shanyuan tells him with a bow and Jiang Mingli falls into the same position.

“I’m entrusting Lotus Pier to you for the time I’m gone,” Jiang Cheng tells the two, even though everyone knows they are in charge if he’s gone, and they dutifully nod.

“We will keep it save,” Zhong Shanyuan promises and with one last nod Jiang Cheng flies off.

Jin Ling is quite for the first few minutes, looking around with huge eyes, and Jiang Cheng readies himself for a temper tantrum or big crocodile tears, and so he is entirely unprepared for the happy shriek Jin Ling lets out, before he starts to babble and laugh, kicking his little feet and unbalancing Jiang Cheng more than once.

Still, Jiang Cheng can’t help the responding smile on his own face, and he offers Jin Ling his finger when he keeps grabbing for something. Jin Ling latches onto him and then excitedly shakes his little hand whenever he sees something he doesn’t know.

Jiang Cheng takes care not to fly too high or too fast, and that gives Jin Ling the opportunity to see a whole lot of things he doesn’t know from Lotus Pier.

A few times Jiang Cheng even circles things that seem to particularly interest Jin Ling and the boy keeps his happy chatter going all the way until they reach the Cloud Recesses.

Jiang Cheng knows they don’t like it when someone approaches by sword, so he stops to climb off Sandu halfway up the stairs, much to Jin Ling’s dislike it seems, but as soon as Jiang Cheng starts walking he settles down.

They reach the top of the stairs in no time at all, and Jiang Cheng straightens up when the entrance comes into view. Two disciples are guarding it, and they fall into a greeting bow when they see him.

“Sect Leader Jiang,” they say in unison and then rise again. “We didn’t know you were coming.”

“It was a spontaneous decision,” Jiang Cheng tells them. “I would like to see Lan Xichen.”

The disciples exchange a look before they ask him to wait for a little bit.

They huddle together, whispering furiously to each other, and Jiang Cheng doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but a few snippets like ‘is exhausted’, ‘not to be disturbed’ and ‘granted access’ reach his ears nonetheless.

“If it’s a bother, I’ll come back another time,” Jiang Cheng finds himself saying when the discussion goes on for longer than he is comfortable with even though now that he is here he wants nothing more than to see Lan Xichen, and that gets him the attention of them again.

“No, it’s fine,” one of the disciples says. “Sect Leader Lan explicitly stated that you were always welcome, so please if you would follow me, I’ll guide you to the hanshi.”

“Thank you,” Jiang Cheng says, as the tension that had seeped into him disperses.

He is guided towards a part of the Cloud Recesses he has never been in before, and he’s almost ashamed to admit that he looks around with eyes as big as Jin Ling’s.

“It’s there,” the disciple suddenly says and points towards a house which is still a little way off, but since it’s the only one in sight, there is really no danger of Jiang Cheng losing his way.

“Thank you,” he says with a nod of his head and then goes on alone.

Jin Ling is babbling again and Jiang Cheng can’t help but to smile at him, as he starts to take him out of the harness.

“You’re going to see your favourite hummer again,” he tells Jin Ling who stares up at him. “That has you all excited, huh?”

Jin Ling lets out a happy shriek, clearly proving Jiang Cheng’s point, and by the time he actually reaches the hanshi, he has Jin Ling perched on his hip, the harness dangling in his hand.

Jiang Cheng knocks at the door, but it’s a long time before he can hear a noise coming from the inside. It’s even longer before Lan Xichen opens the door.

“What is it—oh,” he breathes out and Jiang Cheng notes with a start that Lan Xichen looks like shit.

“You look like shit,” he promptly blurts out, and Jin Ling makes a sound at just that moment, so that it seems like he’s agreeing with Jiang Cheng.

“Is everything alright?” Lan Xichen asks immediately and while he seems ready to keel over at any moment now, he also seems prepared to give Jiang Cheng all the help he could need.

“I’m here for you,” Jiang Cheng says and steps into the hanshi when Lan Xichen moves to the side. “To check up on you,” he adds when Lan Xichen just stares quizzically at him. “I heard about Nie Mingjue.”

“Oh,” Lan Xichen breathes out and his shoulders fall, and he looks like he aged several decades in one go. “He’s doing fine now.”

“And how are you doing?” Jiang Cheng wants to know as he settles Jin Ling down on the floor.

The boy immediately moves to explore the new environment he finds himself in, and Jiang Cheng keeps half an eye on him.

“Me?” Lan Xichen parrots, blinking owlishly at Jiang Cheng who sighs.

“How are you doing?” Jiang Cheng asks again, and this time the meaning of his words seem to have made it to Lan Xichen.

“I’m doing perfectly fine,” Lan Xichen says, and even his voice sounds tired.

“Yeah, I can see that,” Jiang Cheng sarcastically gives back and then shakes his head. “You’re not fine, Xichen,” he says and then bites his tongue when the overly familiar name slips out, but Lan Xichen either doesn’t care or he didn’t notice.

The latter seems more plausible, Jiang Cheng thinks.

“No, really, I’m doing—,” Lan Xichen starts and then trails off, his eyes trained on Jin Ling, who has toddled over to grab Lan Xichen’s robes and who is now staring up at Lan Xichen before he starts to hum again.

“Is he not sleeping well?” Lan Xichen asks, already crouching down as if to pick him up, and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “Are you not?”

“Xichen, that is not why I’m here,” Jiang Cheng says again, redirecting Jin Ling to another part of the hanshi, with more patience than he actually feels. Jiang Cheng is not sure Lan Xichen won’t actually crumble under Jin Ling’s weight. “I’m here to check up on you. Have you slept in the last two weeks?” Jiang Cheng wants to know.

“I—think so?” Lan Xichen asks and Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“That’s something you should definitely know,” he tells Lan Xichen and reaches out to grab his hand. “Sit down.”

“I don’t have Liebing,” Lan Xichen protests and Jiang Cheng frowns at him.

“I told you, I’m not here for that. We have both been sleeping fine,” he says, even though in his case that’s only partially true, but Jiang Cheng is sure that both Jin Ling and he himself slept better in the last two weeks than Lan Xichen did.

“Good, that’s good,” Lan Xichen mutters, as he sits down next to Jiang Cheng.

“How is Nie Mingjue?” Jiang Cheng asks, and worry passes over Lan Xichen’s face.

“Better now, but it’s progressing so quickly,” Lan Xichen breathes out. “A-Yao and I played Clarity for him for almost the whole two weeks, and even now I’m not sure it actually helped. I don’t know what to do,” Lan Xichen admits, and he sounds suspiciously choked up.

“I’m sorry,” Jiang Cheng says, because it’s the only thing he can think of to say. “Do you need anything?”

Lan Xichen blinks at him a few times, before he shakes his head.

“Thank you, but I’m fine.”

“Xichen, you’re tired as hell,” Jiang Cheng gives back.

“I’m so exhausted, I don’t feel tired anymore,” Lan Xichen tells him and Jiang Cheng raises his eyebrow at him.

“That’s actually really worrying,” Jiang Cheng says and feels justified in his worry when Lan Xichen simply blinks at him.

“Come here,” Jiang Cheng finally says when Lan Xichen stays quiet for too long and he pats his thigh.

“What?” Lan Xichen says, clearly not understanding what Jiang Cheng wants from him, and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.

“Lay down,” Jiang Cheng tells him and pats his thigh again until Lan Xichen finally starts to move. “Let me repay the favour for once,” Jiang Cheng mutters when Lan Xichen rests his head in his lap, and he can’t help himself, he has to pat Lan Xichen’s head. “Let me help.”

“Fine,” Lan Xichen breathes out and closes his eyes.

Jiang Cheng thinks he doesn’t even have to sing, Lan Xichen is clearly tethering on the edge of sleep already, but he will still sing him to sleep.

“I’m warning you now, my voice is not like yours,” Jiang Cheng mumbles, as he continues to move his hand over Lan Xichen’s head whose lips twitch into a slight smile.

“No, it’s much better,” Lan Xichen whispers and then he blinks up at Jiang Cheng. “The first time I heard it, I thought a siren was calling out to me,” he tells him and Jiang Cheng can feel himself flush a bright red.

“Shut up, you’re sleep deprived,” he snaps at Lan Xichen, who doesn’t seem to find offence in his rough tone and instead snuggles further into Jiang Cheng’s lap.

“It’s the truth,” Lan Xichen slurs and then falls silent, much to Jiang Cheng’s relieve.

Instead of fighting with Lan Xichen over this, Jiang Cheng softly starts to sing, first barely audible, still too self-conscious about his voice even though Lan Xichen has heard him sing before, but when Lan Xichen relaxes into his lap, he gets progressively louder.

It’s not long before Jin Ling comes crawling over, a huge yawn signalling that he’s tired as well, and Jiang Cheng watches fondly as Jin Ling wriggles his way into Lan Xichen’s arms.

Lan Xichen makes space for him, though Jiang Cheng doubts it’s a conscious move, because Lan Xichen already seems deeply asleep by the time Jin Ling settles contentedly against Lan Xichen’s chest.

Jiang Cheng can’t help but to smile down at both of them, a warm happy feeling settling in his chest, as he continues to sing softly for the two and he keeps it up even long after they are both snoring.

For once, Jiang Cheng can do something for Lan Xichen and he is happy to sing for him until he wakes up again. He just hopes Lan Xichen can find even a little bit of rest like this.

And so Jiang Cheng sings.

Next part

[Sleep Deprivation Sentence Starters]

{Buy me a kofi}  

[bloody-bee-tea]

Fond - Untamed Spring Fest 2020 Day 20

When Lan Xichen comes home, he finds Nie Mingjue on the couch, watching Jiang Cheng pace in the living room, clearly agitated about something.

“My heart,” Lan Xichen greets Jiang Cheng and pulls him into a kiss when he simply wants to pace past him.

It’s not enough to completely stop Jiang Cheng’s movement, but he does indulge Lan Xichen in his kiss for a few moments, before he goes right back to walking a path into the floor.

“My soul,” Lan Xichen greets Nie Mingjue next, with the same soft kiss as he greeted Jiang Cheng, but Nie Mingjue is a lot more pro-active, and pulls Lan Xichen down on the couch.

“What’s going on?” Lan Xichen wants to know as he snuggles into Nie Mingjue’s side, who very readily puts an arm around Lan Xichen’s middle.

“I’m not entirely sure,” Nie Mingjue admits with a small smile. “He was very excited for about two minutes and then he started to rant about the delivery services? I don’t think he’s very happy with them at the moment.

“Of course I’m not happy with them at the moment,” Jiang Cheng chimes in and throws his hands in the air. “One moment it’s like ‘your item will be delivered shortly’ and then suddenly it’s ‘your item is currently six stops away’ and then,” he goes on, seemingly without taking a breath, “suddenly it’s all ‘there are many more items the driver has to deliver’.”

Jiang Cheng stops his pacing only long enough to stab viciously at his phone and then turn the offending message on the screen towards Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue in proof as if they could have actually not believed what Jiang Cheng just said.

“Okay,” Nie Mingjue very carefully says. “And what are you waiting for that is this urgent?” he then asks and Jiang Cheng levels him with a look so severe that Nie Mingjue shuts up immediately.

“Alright, then,” Nie Mingjue mutters and Lan Xichen brushes a soothing kiss over his cheek.

“Don’t take it to heart,” he quietly tells him. “Wanyin gets like that sometimes. He’s a very impatient person and he is definitely not taking this very well.”

“No need to be this mean,” Nie Mingjue huffs out and Lan Xichen snuggles closer.

“It’s nothing personal I promise you that,” he tells Nie Mingjue who still seems unconvinced so Lan Xichen gives him another quick kiss before he turns towards Jiang Cheng.

“Is it the game you ordered a few days back?” Lan Xichen asks and is entirely prepared for the glare he receives in return.

“See,” he says to Nie Mingjue in response who chuckles slightly.

“He really doesn’t take this well,” Nie Mingjue observes and Lan Xichen slides down further until he can pillow his head on Nie Mingjue’s chest and watch their boyfriend pace from a more comfortable position.

“Nope,” he cheerily says. “We’ll just have to wait this one out. I doubt his mood will improve before the deliver actually comes.”

“Is there anything we can do for him?” Nie Mingjue wants to know and Lan Xichen shrugs as best as he can in his position.

“Not really. Sometimes it helps if someone is around, because if the waiting goes on for too long even Jiang Cheng loses steam and then he needs someone to cuddle. But sometimes you really have to simply sit it out.”

Nie Mingjue hums at that and they watch Jiang Cheng in silence after that.

At least for a few minutes.

“Do you think his phone will survive the abuse?” Nie Mingjue whispers when Jiang Cheng angrily jabs at the screen again.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Lan Xichen says with worry, because Jiang Cheng seems to be using enough force to crack the screen.

“My heart,” he carefully calls out when Jiang Cheng continues his angry assault on the phone. “It’s not the phone’s fault.”

“Well, it is someone’s fault,” Jiang Cheng snaps back and then, as if someone flipped a switch, loses all of his steam. “Fuck,” he mutters and immediately Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen both hold out a hand for him.

“Come here,” Nie Mingjue cajoles him when Jiang Cheng just stands dejectedly in the middle of their living room, but that jolts Jiang Cheng back into action.

He shuffles over—drags his feet over the floor as if he hasn’t been angrily stomping around for the last ten minutes—and allows Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen to pull him on top of them.

Lan Xichen wants to move to the side so Jiang Cheng has a place in the middle, but Jiang Cheng doesn’t let him and instead curls up on their laps.

“I just got excited, okay?” Jiang Cheng mumbles and leans over to kiss Nie Mingjue. “I didn’t mean to be mean to you.”

“That’s okay,” Nie Mingjue says with a sigh.

“Same goes for you,” Jiang Cheng says and turns his head towards Lan Xichen, who leans in to kiss Jiang Cheng as well.

“I know, my heart,” he gives back and allows Jiang Cheng to cuddle closer.

“You want to tell us what you are waiting for?” Nie Mingjue then carefully asks, clearly ready to be at the wrong end of Jiang Cheng’s temper again, but Jiang Cheng simply shakes his head.

“It’s a surprise,” he mumbles and then closes his eyes, clearly content to drift off right where he is.

In the end, Jiang Cheng really dozes off on them, and Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue share an amused glance over his head because as much as Jiang Cheng is quick to be riled up and get angry, he calms down just as fast too.

They decide to let Jiang Cheng rest for now, content to just cuddle like this, and they are only brought out of their light doze when the doorbell suddenly rings.

“Fucking finally,” Jiang Cheng mutters after he wakes up with a start, and he urgently gets up to scramble to the door.

It takes the delivery person almost a minute to arrive at the door and Lan Xichen fears that Jiang Cheng is going to vibrate right out of his skin, but then the exchange is made and Jiang Cheng has the long awaited parcel in his hands.

It’s rather small, Lan Xichen notes, right before it hits Nie Mingjue’s chest.

“For you,” Jiang Cheng says and he’s avoiding eye contact which means he’s definitely nervous about this.

“For me?” Nie Mingjue asks in confusion and carefully picks the parcel up.

He weighs it in his hands for a moment before he turns it around to look at it from all sides and Lan Xichen bites back a laugh, because he’s certain Nie Mingjue is only doing that to annoy Jiang Cheng.

“Would you just open it,” Jiang Cheng groans and flops down on the couch again.

“Alright, alright,” Nie Mingjue finally relents and gets started on opening the package.

It doesn’t take him long at all, and when he sees what’s inside Nie Mingjue freezes.

It’s enough to make Lan Xichen lean over to peer into the package as well.

Inside is a replica of the bracelets Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen wear, and have been wearing ever since they got together.

“My heart,” Nie Mingjue eventually chokes out and tears his eyes away from the bracelet and looks at Jiang Cheng.

“It bothered you that you didn’t have one, don’t think I haven’t noticed,” Jiang Cheng grumbles out and Lan Xichen loves him so much he doesn’t know what to do with it sometimes.

Going by the fond look on Nie Mingjue’s face he has a similar problem.

“You said they don’t manufacture them anymore,” he whispers as he takes the bracelet out of the package and moves his fingers over it.

“They don’t,” Jiang Cheng says nonchalantly and Lan Xichen’s eyes snap towards him.

“What did you do?” he wants to know and slightly shakes his head when Nie Mingjue offers him the bracelet to put it on him.

“I might have called them,” Jiang Cheng says as he gets up and sits down on the table in front of them. “And they might have told me that they are not making them anymore and that they also don’t have a spare laying around anywhere,” he explains as he takes the bracelet out of Nie Mingjue’s hands and wraps it around his wrist.

“And then?” Nie Mingjue asks, as he admires the bracelet.

“And then I might have called Huaisang, who might have talked to Xuanyu who might have pulled a few strings and then a blueprint might have been handed over to Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng says as if that all means nothing and Lan Xichen is staring at him.

“How many favours do you owe Huaisang for that?” he then wants to know and Jiang Cheng shrugs.

“A lot?”

“You could have just chosen a different bracelet,” Nie Mingjue mutters, but he protectively puts his hand over the one on his wrist.

“Now where would be the fun in that?” Jiang Cheng asks them with a smirk and then yelps when Nie Mingjue fists the front of his shirt and pulls him onto his lap.

“I love you so damn much,” Nie Mingjue mutters before he drags Jiang Cheng into a deep kiss. “We got so goddamn lucky with you,” Nie Mingjue whispers against Jiang Cheng’s lips when they part and Lan Xichen has to agree with that.

Since he feels that simply voicing that isn’t enough Lan Xichen drags Jiang Cheng into a kiss as well.

“How did we ever deserve you?” he asks after they part and Jiang Cheng squirms on Nie Mingjue’s lap.

“Shut up,” he mumbles, but it’s only half-hearted at best and they all know it.

“Never,” Nie Mingjue immediately says and while the kisses haven’t managed to make Jiang Cheng blush, those words certainly do.

“You saps,” he complains but really, he doesn’t have any ground to stand on and Nie Mingjue makes that clear with a pointed look at the bracelet.

“Thank you,” Nie Mingjue seriously tells him and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he grumbles but he curls up in Nie Mingjue’s lap again.

Lan Xichen cuddles close again as well and somehow they all reach out for each other with the arm that has the bracelet on it.

Lan Xichen loves the sight of the same bracelet on all their wrists and he’s not sure they can ever thank Jiang Cheng enough for this, though they will certainly try.

Their amazing boyfriend deserves nothing less, after all.

{Buy me a kofi}

[bloody-bee-tea]

Ahhhhhhh I’m soooo in love with everything you write for the Eldrich Lan AU! We get to see so much soft xicheng and a content Jiang Cheng I luv him SM he deserves all the happiness ;-; I was wondering if you’d ever do a Wangxian one? That would be super cool, I feel like their dynamics would be fun to explore! Either way, I absolutely love your writing! I’m subscribed to you on ao3 and it makes me so excited when I get emails saying you uploaded hehe

Wangji Week 2020 Day 4

Previous part

Wherever the chaos is and Righteousness

Lan Wangji knows his reputation, knows what the people, common folk as well as other cultivators, say about him.

They praise his willingness to be where the chaos is, they admire him for upholding the honour of his sect in such an impressive way. They praise his righteousness, his sense of honour and his fairness. 

They call him Hanguang-Jun, Bearer of Light, but Lan Wangji knows what they would call him if they knew what is under his human skin.

He has heard it before; monster, abomination. It wouldn’t be anything new. 

Lan Wangji’s own mother has called him that; Lan Xichen believes Lan Wangji was too small to remember, but that is not true. He remembers it. It’s what pushed him to learn control as early as he did; suppressing his form and forming his human skin to the liking of his mother.

The few people who have found out over the years have hurled insults at him, tinged with fear and terror. None of them have survived long enough to tell the tale and spill the secrets of the Gusu Lan Sect. 

No one had asked questions when Lan Wangji had killed more Wen cultivators than should have been humanly possible. 

It’s how he likes it.

And Lan Wangji was happy to keep it that way, too. But then Wei Wuxian came back and now there is nothing but uncertainty in his heart and mind.

Wei Wuxian is where Lan Wangji always dreamed him to be, right by Lan Wangji’s side, and Wei Wuxian has promised to stay, a teasing tilt to his lips as he tangled his fingers in Lan Wangji’s forehead ribbon that spilled over his back.

And Lan Wangji is unwilling to do anything that could make him leave. 

He has already spend so much of his life without Wei Wuxian at his side, and he won’t risk it, not again. Lan Wangji knows that he is partly to blame for that; if he had managed more words, explained his intentions more clearly, then maybe Wei Wuxian would have listened to him, would have let him help.

Instead Lan Wangji remembers the feeling of absolute fear and bone chilling desperation when Wei Wuxian stepped closer to the edge and threw himself off it. 

And Lan Wangji does not want to experience those feelings again, ever. So keeping quiet about his true nature, about the secret every Lan carries with them, it’s the only logical option.

And since Wei Wuxian is right by his side, and not questioning anything, Lan Wangji pushes those thoughts away. It’s easy to do when Wei Wuxian demands his attention anyway.

“Lan Zhan,” he hears Wei Wuxian call for him and Lan Wangji puts down the bunny in his arms, because he knows what will happen.

He hears Wei Wuxian approach, he’s not trying to be silent, and a second later he’s hanging off Lan Wangji’s shoulder, pouting over it when he finds Lan Wangji’s arms empty.

“Aww, you’re not holding one,” Wei Wuxian complains. “I wanted to pet one.”

“You jostle me,” Lan Wangji explains and gently shrugs Wei Wuxian off.

He doesn’t want to put the distance between them, but he does want to wipe the pout and small frown from Wei Wuxian’s face, so picking up one of the calmer bunnies is the only option he has here.

Wei Wuxian immediately reaches out to pet it when Lan Wangji offers it to him, but he doesn’t take it from his arms. They have learned that while the bunnies will allow Wei Wuxian to pet them when Lan Wangji is close, they will not stay still when Wei Wuxian is the one who holds them.

“They still only love you,” Wei Wuxian complains and Lan Wangji allows himself a small smile. 

They do love him, and they have been a constant source of comfort in some of his darker days. 

“I am still amazed that something so fluffy and small adores something like you,” Wei Wuxian offhandedly says, still concentrated on the bunny in Lan Wangji’s arms, so he doesn’t notice how Lan Wangji freezes up.

“What?” he forces himself to whisper and his heart beats painfully in his chest when Wei Wuxian gives him a look, a mix between a smile and a frown, showing his confusion at Lan Wangji’s reaction.

“What?” Wei Wuxian repeats, seemingly unaware of what he just said, and while Lan Wangji wishes he could be as oblivious, he can’t.

This isn’t just about him. It’s about his sect and the people he loves, too.

“What did you say?” he brings out and Wei Wuxian tilts his head in thought before he brightens up.

“Oh, I mean. I know it’s supposed to be a secret, and it’s not like I really know what you are, but, yeah. I know you’re not human. I thought I mentioned it before.”

“Wei Ying did not,” Lan Wangji mutters and carefully puts the bunny down again, stepping away from them, and from Wei Wuxian.

He’s shaking from head to toe, and it’s hard for him to keep his form in check. He always loses control when he gets emotional. It’s still a wonder he didn’t change when Wei Wuxian died, though Lan Wangji guesses it was pure shock that kept him human.

He doesn’t feel the same kind of shock now, so he stands up straight and tries to calm his mind.

“Lan Zhan, what’s wrong? You’re bunnies are all agitated,” Wei Wuxian says as he eyes the bunnies, who do seem more nervous than they normally do. 

They flock to Lan Wangji, press against his legs, and Lan Wangji tries to concentrate on that.

His mind is still screaming at him, mostly questions—how did Wei Wuxian find out, what will he do with this knowledge, did he tell someone, when will he leave—and the horrible thought that he didn’t even get to enjoy Wei Wuxian’s company for a whole month.

Maybe his family really is doomed for tragic love stories.

“How long?” Lan Wangji asks, though he’s aware that is not the most important question. 

He can’t bring himself to ask the most important ones. Do you hate me? Are you afraid of me? Disgusted? He’s not sure he can stand the answer.

“I—,” Wei Wuxian starts and instinctively reaches for Chenqing for comfort. “Since the Burial Mounds,” he finally admits with a self-deprecating smile. “Your energy, it’s closer to what I use in demonic cultivation than to those of humans. At first I thought it was just you, that I had somehow tainted you, but then I met Lan Xichen and other cultivators from your sect and I realized it isn’t just you.”

That’s a horribly long time. 

“Who—,” Lan Wangji starts and then has to clear his throat, the fear and worry making him too emotional, “who did you tell?”

“Tell?” Wei Wuxian asks and he seems honestly affronted. “No one of course, Lan Zhan, I wouldn’t. And besides, who would even believe me?”

“Oh,” Lan Wangji gives back at that. “You know you don’t have to stay, right?” he then haltingly adds, because what if Wei Wuxian is just staying here out of fear?

Thinks he’s not allowed to leave, even though that’s all he wants to do.

“Ah, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian says with a small chuckle and that sound does more to relax Lan Wangji than all his mental exercises in the last few minutes have managed. “I’m staying because I want to stay.”

Lan Wangji can hardly believe it—why would he want to stay if he knows Lan Wangji isn’t human—but every time Wei Wuxian reaches out for him, touches him without hesitation, is downright clinging to him, tells Lan Wangji that Wei Wuxian is here on his own free will.

“I never want to leave you, Lan Zhan, you have to know that.”

Lan Wangji shakes his head, because he didn’t know that, especially not with the recent revelation and Wei Wuxian bounds over, careful to not step on the bunnies that are still huddled close to Lan Wangji, but seem to be calming down.

“No matter what you are, you’re still my Lan Zhan. You’re still so good, how could you be anything else?”

Lan Wangji’s heart lights up at hearing that, the casual possessiveness in Wei Wuxian’s words, but he still stumbles over the start of that sentence.

“No matter what I am? Does Wei Ying not know?” 

“No,” Wei Wuxian says with a shrug. “I just know that your energy is different. For all I know you could be a fluffy little cloud. It would explain why the bunnies love you so.”

Lan Wangji blinks at him, because that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Not a cloud,” he denies.

“But cute and fluffy?” Wei Wuxian teases and Lan Wangji relaxes further.

“Not cute and fluffy, either,” he gives back and Wei Wuxian heaves out a deep sigh.

“Oh no, Lan Zhan, then my imagination is all used up,” he pouts and throws his arms around Lan Wangji’s neck, presses himself close. “Maybe you have to show me?”

“Shameless,” Lan Wangji says and tries desperately to not throw his arms around Wei Wuxian in return, because he isn’t sure he could ever let him go again.

“My form—its not nice to look at,” he finally admits and Wei Wuxian shakes his head.

“Impossible. Lan Zhan is always nice to look at,” Wei Wuxian gives back, with a confidence Lan Wangji can only hope to possess and then he forgets to breathe when Wei Wuxian noses at his cheek. “Won’t you show me, my Lan Zhan?”

Lan Wangji’s thoughts are flying through his head; there are still a lot of variables to consider, and Wei Wuxian could still walk away from him when he sees what Lan Wangji really looks like, but then Wei Wuxian gives him his best puppy eyes and Lan Wangji is helpless against that.

“Step back,” he instructs Wei Wuxian who does so with apparent glee as he bounces on the balls of his feet.

Lan Wangji takes one last look at Wei Wuxian’s beautiful, radiant face, because maybe it’s the last time he gets to see it like that, and then he allows his true form to take over. The bunnies barely blink an eye at his transformation, they are used to it by now, but Wei Wuxian’s eyes get bigger and bigger in his head.

Lan Wangji doesn’t open all his eyes, keeps most of them hidden, and he keeps his tentacles close to his body as well, trying to appear as unthreatening as he can in this form. He doesn’t think about the imperfections that mar him.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian breathes out and Lan Wangji prepares for the worst.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Wei Wuxian says, voice awed and at his words Lan Wangji’s entire form kind of melts.

“Look at all those tentacles,” Wei Wuxian calls out in clear delight and he fearlessly steps closer and immediately reaches out for one.

Lan Wangji can’t help but to meet him halfway, slides his tentacle up his arm and around his back to bring him close, and Lan Wangji didn’t know touching a human could feel like this.

It’s electrifying and relaxing all at once, but mostly it feels a lot like coming home. Lan Wangji cannot explain it at all.

A few of his eyes must have opened in shock as well, because Wei Wuxian gasps. 

“So pretty,” he croons and pets Lan Wangji right under one of his eyes. “Still your beautiful eye colour.”

Right now, Lan Wangji is glad to be in this form, because at least here his ears can’t turn a bright red.

“Ah, you’ve been holding out on me,” Wei Wuxian complains as he steps right up to the mass centre of Lan Wangji. “How could you deny me of this?”

Lan Wangji is ashamed to find that the only answer he has to that is fear, and he hopes that he never has to tell Wei Wuxian that. He didn’t trust him, again.

“Ah, I see,” Wei Wuxian says and reassuringly pets the closest one of Lan Wangji’s tentacles. “You don’t have to be afraid,” Wei Wuxian tells him and Lan Wangji can’t help the inquiring noise he makes.

No one should understand him in this form.

“You’re not as hard to read as you think,” Wei Wuxian whispers conspiringly to him and then just lets himself fall into the middle of Lan Wangji, who immediately wraps him up in protective tentacles.

“This must be what heaven feels like,” Wei Wuxian mutters and then snuggles deeper into the embrace. “I love you, Lan Zhan.”

The shock of hearing those words, from Wei Wuxian, uttered to Lan Wangji in his true form, is enough to shock him back into human form.

“Noooo,” Wei Wuxian whines and slings his arms around Lan Wangji’s middle. “I wasn’t done cuddling.”

“Did you mean it?” Lan Wangji demands to know, and he’s sure that if he doesn’t get an answer immediately, he’s going to combust on the spot.

“Did I mean what?” Wei Wuxian asks, playfully blinking up at Lan Wangji.

“Wei Ying,” he scolds him and he can feel Wei Wuxian shudder against him.

“Of course I meant it, Lan Zhan. How could I not? I love you. Don’t you love me, too?”

Lan Wangji blinks a few times at that, his heart beating so fast in his chest and the relief making him light-headed, and he bends his neck down and hides his face in Wei Wuxian’s hair until he finds his voice again.

“I love you, too, Wei Ying,” he whispers and is rewarded with his favourite sound on the entire planet when Wei Wuxian laughs, happy and loud.

“Would have been embarrassing if you didn’t,” he whispers and then leans up on his tip-toes, his intent clear.

Lan Wangji has wanted to do this for so long, that the sheer prospect of finally getting to do it freezes him on the spot, but then Wei Wuxian’s lips are on his and there is no more hesitation.

Separating again is hard when Wei Wuxian darts in for little kisses and pecks again and again, and Lan Wangji is loathe to let go of him, so he simply doesn’t.

“You’re not afraid,” Lan Wangji can’t help but whisper eventually, because that knowledge is still blowing his mind a little bit, and Wei Wuxian laughs again.

“Not at all. You’re all mine and so pretty. How could I be afraid of you.”

The words are a balm for Lan Wangji’s soul and he buries his face in Wei Wuxian’s neck, breathing in deep and just revelling in the fact that he gets to have this at all.

He never dared to hope for this, but then again, Wei Wuxian always exceeds expectations. And Lan Wangji couldn’t be happier about it.

Next Part

[bloody-bee-tea]

Wangji Week 2020 Day 2

Music

Wangji Week finally gives me an excuse and a push to finish the Wangxian wips I still have laying around, which is awesome! This is over 6k long, so you can either read it here or on AO3 if you like that better.

Lan Wangji shouldn’t sit yet, he knows this. His brother has said as much, paired with a stern glance, that barely did anything to hide his worry.

But Lan Wangji is tired of laying down and resting. He misses his guqin.

He misses much more than that, but at least his guqin is something attainable.

Even the simple task of sitting up makes jolts of pain shoot up and down Lan Wangji’s back. Still. It’s been almost two years now. He wonders if the pain will ever lessen. He’s not sure he wants it to.

Summoning his guqin is easy, compared to getting into an upright position. Just a flick of his wrist, a stray thought and it’s there, weight resting comfortably and familiar on his knees. He has missed it dearly.

He splays his hands over the strings, absently tugging a note out of it as he ponders what song to play. There is only one real choice, Lan Wangji knows this, but his heart hurts even thinking about playing the familiar notes.

But it seems like it’s the only song he can remember right now, and his hands fall into the starting position without his conscious decision.

The first five notes are fine. Afterwards, it becomes hard to breathe, the weight on his chest more than he can handle; it’s hard to see too, because he can’t seem to stop crying.

Lan Wangji plays, still. It’s not like he needs to see his guqin to play the song most dear to his heart.

It’s only afterwards, the last note lingering in the air, that he notices his brother in the doorway.

“Wangji,” Lan Xichen says, and Lan Wangji almost drowns in the sympathy he can hear in his brother’s voice.

A-Yuan is in his arms, but it seems like the boy has fallen asleep, a lingering tear still clinging to the corner of his eyes and Lan Xichen follows Lan Wangji’s gaze.

“He started crying when he heard the song, but then he fell asleep,” Lan Xichen explains and it just hurts Lan Wangji more.

He can hardly handle his own grief. He doesn’t know how to handle a small child’s on top of that but he knows he has to. A-Yuan deserves as much.

Lan Wangji vanishes his guqin and then holds his hands out towards his brother.

"Give him," he says, voice rusty from disuse and crying, but steady nonetheless.

“Wangji,” Lan Xichen says again, like he can read the mounting despair on his brother’s face when Lan Xichen doesn't immediately obey.

"Give him," Lan Wangji demands again but still Lan Xichen doesn't move.

"Your back," Lan Xichen tries but Lan Wangji stubbornly holds out his hands.

This is probably hurting him more than actually holding the small boy.

"Brother, please," he whispers, begs almost, and this time Lan Xichen obeys with a small sigh.

He walks over and carefully dislodges A-Yuan from his shoulder before he transfers the sleeping boy into Lan Wangji's waiting arms.

Lan Wangji immediately curls his arms around A-Yuan, holds him closer, and he leans down to press a lingering kiss to the boys head.

Lan Xichen kindly doesn't comment on the fact that Lan Wangji stays like that for a long time, hiding his face away. He also doesn't mention the new sobs.

“I miss him,” Lan Wangji eventually whispers into A-Yuan's hair when the tears have finally stopped. He is still hiding his face, the memory of their song still in the air, and he doesn’t know how to handle this grief that is threatening to drown him.

It’s been two years. There are many more before him. It’s a horrifying thought.

~*~*~

Lan Wangji lingers over the last few notes of Inquiry, unanswered, like always, when Lan Sizhui sits down next to him.

The boy has grown, almost ten now, and he takes to the teachings of the Lan clan like a duck to water. Lan Wangji couldn’t be more proud of him.

Lan Wangji tilts his head in Lan Sizhui’s direction to let him know he can start talking. It's been not as much of a challenge to teach him to stay quiet during meals and when Lan Wangji plays as he had expected it to be.

Lan Wangji is reminded of the first time he told A-Yuan to stay quiet during meals, a fond memory, but also a painful one, as are all memories with Wei Wuxian. But A-Yuan had listened to him even back then, and it had made things easier for them once Lan Wangji took the boy in, even though he doesn’t remember his previous life.

He is brought out of his thoughts by an insistent tugging on his sleeve and he looks down at the boy by his side.

"Why don't you play that one song anymore?" Lan Sizhui wants to know and immediately Lan Wangji's heart grows heavy once more.

He knows exactly what song Lan Sizhui is referring to.

"You played it a lot and it made me sleep better. But you're not playing it anymore," Lan Sizhui whines and uses his most devastating pout on Lan Wangji.

He's certain Lan Sizhui learned that one from Wei Wuxian, even though the boy is adamant he can’t remember a thing from his time before he came to the Cloud Recesses. Lan Wangji is not surprised that Wei Wuxian left a lingering impression that even goes beyond conscious memory.

And it’s true. Lan Wangji had played the song a lot in the years after Wei Wuxian died. It hadn’t been for him, the song hurt him too much for that, but for A-Yuan. The boy suffered from nightmares for years after his family died and Lan Wangji had tried all he could to make it easier for him.

Playing that song was a sure way to get A-Yuan to fall asleep.

But now that he is somewhat grown-up, the nightmares have lessened and Lan Wangji has stopped playing it. There is no longer a reason to endure the pain it causes him after all.

Lan Wangji stays quiet for a long moment, deciding on how best to explain this without saying "I loved your dad and now that he's dead, the song hurts me". It’s too much to explain. Lan Wangji isn’t even sure if he fears it’s too much for Lan Sizhui or himself.

At his side Lan Sizhui stays patiently silent. He knows Lan Wangji's thinking face by now. He knows not to demand too impatiently.

"You know how some things make your head hurt sometimes?" Lan Wangji eventually carefully asks, thinking back to just yesterday when the cook talked about radishes and Lan Sizhui got a headache so bad he started crying.

Lan Wangji still doesn't know if it's better that the fever took everything; that Lan Sizhui doesn't remember anything about his time with his family and Wei Wuxian or if that just makes it harder.

Lan Sizhui nods, seriously, listening attentively and clearly coming to his own conclusions before Lan Wangji can figure out how to go on.

"The song makes your head hurt?" he asks and reaches up to brush his fingers over Lan Wangji's forehead, careful not to touch the ribbon.

It makes my heart hurt, Lan Wangji doesn't say because he's not quite sure how to explain that to Lan Sizhui without opening his own wounds again. They have barely scabbed over as it is.

So he prays for forgiveness to the ancestors and lies.

"Yes."

He wonders how many more rules he can break.

At his side Lan Sizhui nods gravely and even though he’s still too young for such a serious look on his face, Lan Wangji can’t help but to smile at his next words.

“Then I will fall asleep without the song,” Lan Sizhui seriously tells him, eyes wide and earnest and Lan Wangji pulls him closer to his side.

“How about we learn a different song to play for you?” he asks him.

Lan Wangji should reprimand him for the gleeful shriek Lan Sizhui lets out, but it lifts a weight off his chest, so he just vows to remind him of the rule next time.

It’s never good to curb curious interest with too many rules, after all.

~*~*~

Lan Wangji plays the guqin like he hasn’t in a long time. His fingers fly over the strings, pulling melody after melody out of them easily, but he always comes back to one song. Their song.

It doesn’t hurt him to play it anymore, now that Wei Wuxian is back. And it has to be him in the bed next to Lan Wangji. He certainly doesn’t look like Wei Wuxian, and even though it makes no sense to Lan Wangji, because how could that even be, but still. There is no other soul out there who could play the song.

Lan Wangji lingers over the last notes, reverent instead of pained like he used to for so long, and his gaze is yet again drawn to the still passed out figure of Wei Wuxian. He isn’t sure for how long he stared at him, when suddenly there’s a shuffling noise from the door.

HIs head snaps around to find Lan Sizhui leaning against the door frame. That in itself is worrying, because Lan Sizhui is much too well behaved normally to slouch like that and Lan Wangji is already halfway up before Lan Sizhui can even open his mouth.

“Father,” he says, voice unsteady and breathless and now Lan Wangji knows something is definitely wrong.

Lan Sizhui hasn’t called him father in a long time. Lan Wangji is not too proud to admit that he misses it, but he would prefer to hear it with a steady and strong voice.

“Sizhui,” he almost rushes out, as he goes to meet his son and put a steadying hand on his arm.

“That song,” Lan Sizhui whispers and Lan Wangji’s gaze falls back on the still sleeping Wei Wuxian. “I know it, don’t I?” Lan Sizhui asks, hand rising to his head.

Lan Wangji hasn’t played this song since A-Yuan had turned nine and could fall asleep without getting violent nightmares. Still, he agrees, because yes. A-Yuan knows this song.

“You used to play it,” Lan Sizhui whispers, but his eyes are glued to the man in the bed. “But he—he played it too.”

Lan Wangji turns surprised eyes on his son. Surely he can’t remember his time with Wei Wuxian on the Burial Mounds.

“When the Ghost General attacked, he played the same song. And before, too, at Mo Manor. I wasn’t sure then, and Jingyi said he didn’t know it, but it was that song, I’m sure of it.”

Lan Wangji wishes he could tell Lan Sizhui everything; how that man in the bed is much more his father than Lan Wangji ever could be, despite the length of time A-Yuan spend with either of them.

But he can’t.

He still isn’t sure if it really even is Wei Wuxian, no matter what his heart tells him, and he doesn’t want to cause Lan Sizhui that kind of pain. It is enough that one of them will be shattered if the man turns out not to be Wei Wuxian.

Not even to mention if Wei Wuxian doesn’t remember anything from before his death. No, this is something Lan Wangji has to shoulder alone, for now.

“I know him,” Lan Sizhui whispers again and makes an involuntary step forward, but Lan Wangji keeps his hand firm on his arm and pulls him back.

“You know the song,” he tells him, “not the man.”

Lan Sizhui turns eyes on him that have always been able to see through his facade too well. It must be something he picked up from his uncle.

“He’s an old—friend,” Lan Wangji admits, hoping that for once Lan Sizhui will not notice the slightly too long pause in his sentence. “I taught him how to play that song.”

“You never taught me,” Lan Sizhui says, and Lan Wangji silences him with a look.

It’s not Lan Sizhui’s place to question him.

“I’m sorry, father,” Lan Sizhui says with a bow and Lan Wangji sighs.

“Don’t apologize,” he gives back, because his high-strung mood is not his son’s fault. “You’ll learn.”

Even if Lan Wangji doesn’t actively teach it to him, Lan Sizhui will pick up on it sooner or later anyway. Lan Wangji is sure he’ll play it often in the future, maybe even accompanied by a dizi.

He can hope.

~*~*~

When everything is done, and Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian survived despite everyone trying to kill them, they part ways. It almost breaks Lan Wangji’s heart to see Wei Wuxian walk away from him, but he reminds himself that it’s better than it was when Wei Wuxian was dead.

He manages for almost a year, burying himself in the work of being Chief Cultivator, but when Lan Xichen steps out of seclusion, Lan Wangji is more than happy to hand that title over without fuss.

It still takes them some time to get everything in order, but Lan Wangji knows soon he’ll be free to go after Wei Wuxian and that hope, it shows in his playing.

The past year, their song was slow and longing, and every time Lan Wangji played it, he wanted to do nothing more than just get up and find Wei Wuxian.

But now, now he can, and his fingers fly again, turning the song into the reverent version it’s supposed to be.

When Lan Wangji finally goes after Wei Wuxian, Lan Xichen sends him off with a smile and a reminder to play the song often.

It’s not a hardship for Lan Wangji.

~*~*~

Lan Wangji finds Wei Wuxian in the jingshi, sitting in a window and staring outside. His fingers are restless, dancing over his outer robe and Lan Wangji allows himself a small smile at his foresight.

When he reaches Wei Wuxian he holds out Chenqing to him. Wei Wuxian keeps forgetting it lately, and then he always wonders where it went to, so Lan Wangji keeps an eye on the dizi no matter where Wei Wuxian leaves it.

One of them should know where it is, after all.

"You used to play for fun," Lan Wangji tells him as Wei Wuxian takes the flute from him.

You used to play our song whenever you sat down for a second, he doesn't say, because it fills him with worry.

When Wei Wuxian first came back to the Cloud Recesses they played their song often; together and separately, whenever one of them had the time. There wasn’t a day when their song didn’t fill the space of the jingshi.

But those days are gone, and Lan Wangji doesn’t know why, doesn’t know how to bring the carefree smile and easy nature of Wei Wuxian back. He has to figure out what caused them to disappear first.

Wei Wuxian spins the flute a few times, and Lan Wangji is as enraptured by his hands as he has always been, itches to reach out and measure their hands together, feel those clever light fingers dance over his own skin.

He clasps his hands behind his back. Going by the sharp look Wei Wuxian sends him, it doesn’t go unnoticed.

"There's nothing fun to play anymore," Wei Wuxian tells him eventually, without meeting his eyes and Wangji's heart grows heavy in his chest.

He never meant to trap Wei Wuxian like this, make him loose his enjoyment of the world, but it seems like Lan Wangji can do nothing right.

The distance between them continues to grow; Wei Wuxian moved to his own rooms, he doesn’t come looking for Lan Wangji during the day anymore and even when they do spend time together, it’s nothing like when they were traveling together.

Lan Wangji doesn’t know how to ask for an explanation, and it’s clear that Wei Wuxian won’t tell him on his own. Some days Lan Wangji thinks it has something to do with how he pulled away from Wei Wuxian, the always present urge to reach out for him, pull him close and never let him go easier to handle when Wei Wuxian is not in reaching distance after all, but for that to be true, there must be some feelings on Wei Wuxian’s side as well.

And there are not.

"I see," Lan Wangji belatedly says and turns around to walk away.

He's being haunted by Wei Wuxian's sad small smile and the absence of a flute filling the air for the rest of the day.

~*~*~

Lan Wangji is in the library, preparing a new lesson for the juniors, when Wei Wuxian finds him and seemingly decides to keep him company.

Lan Wangji doesn’t object, isn't sure he would ever be able to refuse Wei Wuxian anything, and instead he resigns himself to not getting anything done. He never does when Wei Wuxian is around, and especially not in the library.

But this time Wei Wuxian is quiet. Quiet in a way he never has been, before. In a way Lan Wangji has doubted Wei Wuxian even knew how to be. It’s a startling contrast to how Wei Wuxian behaved in the library when they were both still students.

The quiet now, it’s unsettling. Wei Wuxian hasn't been this quiet ever before, not even when Lan Wangji put the silencing spell on him. Or maybe especially not then, because the sounds Wei Wuxian made then were almost worse than his constant chattering.

But there’s no need to use the silencing spell on Wei Wuxian this time and Lan Wangji suspects it's his fault.

Wei Wuxian has been restrained around him, careful and unobtrusive, and it's the same now.

Lan Wangji hates it.

Hates the fact that he's the cause of this unnatural stillness, both in sound and in motion,  and it makes something in his chest curl up tight. It's threatening to choke him and he almost wishes it would.

Be never wants to hinder Wei Wuxian like this, never meant to restrain him like this, especially not for something that never annoyed Lan Wangji in the first place.

It's part of Wei Wuxian, the constant movement, the constant chattering, and Lan Wangji misses it so acutely it's like a physical pain.

He doesn't know how to bring it back, doesn’t know how to ask Wei Wuxian to just be himself with Lan Wangji around.

He fears Wei Wuxian doesn’t want to be himself around Lan Wangji anymore.

"You never told me," Wei Wuxian says apropos of nothing and turns to look at Lan Wangji.

It's the first time since he entered the library that he does. Lan Wangji knows because he's always acutely aware of Wei Wuxian’s eyes on him.

Lan Wangji raises an eyebrow at Wei Wuxian, prompting him to go on, and Wei Wuxian huffs at that.

"The name of the song," he says, like it should be obvious, and he brings Chenqing to his lips, plays the first few notes of their song, and Lan Wangji's heart plummets into his stomach. "Does it have one?" Wei Wuxian goes on, when he puts the flute down again.

Lan Wangji needs to swallow two, three times to get rid of the lump in his throat and before he feels that he can speak without his voice breaking.

"It used to," he finally admits and he hasn't anticipated the pain that admittance causes. "Now I'm not sure anymore."

Lan Wangji isn't sure of anything anymore. Especially not when it comes to Wei Wuxian.

"Oh," Wei Wuxian breathes out, a sound like it's been punched out of him and Lan Wangji immediately aches to soothe him.

He doesn't move. It’s not his place, Wei Wuxian makes that very clear every day.

"I didn't know," Wei Wuxian mutters, eyes back on his hands that are gripped tight around Chenqing. "I'll leave you be then," he finally settles on.

"There's no need," Lan Wangji tells him, desperately trying to keep him here, by his side, but Wei Wuxian is already standing up.

"Nah, you know I'm not a good student, Hanguang-Jun," he says with a teasing smile and suddenly he seems like the Wei Wuxian Lan Wangji has known all this time.

As if the prospect of getting away from Lan Wangji breathed new life into him.

Lan Wangji tries not to dwell on that thought but it's hard when it makes your heart crumble in on itself.

~*~*~

“Lan Zhan, how much longer do you want me to stay?” Wei Wuxian asks him a few days later, over dinner, and Lan Wangji can’t help but freeze at the question.

He has to bite down on his lips, because ‘Forever’ cannot be what Wei Wuxian wants to hear and in the end he settles on a shrug.

“How long do you want to stay?” he finally decides on asking and Wei Wuxian lowers his gaze.

“How much longer can I strain your hospitality? I know Lan Qiren is itching to throw me out.”

“Brother won’t allow it,” Lan Wangji says immediately, because for all that Lan Qiren is their Elder, he doesn’t get to decide who stays and who not.

And he knows Lan Wangji will either cause another scandal, or leave with Wei Wuxian, so he wouldn’t dare.

“Yeah, Lan Xichen must be real happy that I’m here,” Wei Wuxian muses. “But what about you?” he outright asks and Lan Wangji puts his bowl down for good.

He already broke the rule once, if he pretends he’s done eating, his conscious will be clearer.

“I want you to stay as long as you would like,” he eventually gives back and almost panics when a small furrow shows up on Wei Wuxian’s face.

“But what would you like?” Wei Wuxian wants to know and Lan Wangji is surprised at how desperately he wants to say ‘You’.

But he doesn’t, he can’t. He’s not what Wei Wuxian wants.

“For you to do what you want,” he settles on and Wei Wuxian stares into his bowl.

“Of course,” he mutters, before he seems to find a resolve. “I heard about some strange sightings in Qinghe. It doesn’t seem like Nie Huaisang is taking care of it, so I thought a night-hunt would be good?”

Wei Wuxian wants to leave. Lan Wangji clenches his hands into his outer robes under the table, so he can pretend they are not shaking.

“If you wish to. You’re free to come and go how you like,” he stiltedly gives back and when Wei Wuxian smiles at him, it cuts him right to his core.

It’s wrong, and small, and sad, and Lan Wangji wants to wipe it off his face.

“Alright, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian eventually says and then pushes his food away. “Play something for me?” he then asks and Lan Wangji immediately agrees.

Anything, to make Wei Wuxian happy.

He settles behind his guqin and his fingers fall into the familiar position as he coaxes the beginning of their song out of it.

“Not that one,” Wei Wuxian snaps and Lan Wangji jerks, pulling discordant notes from the strings. “Not that one,” Wei Wuxian says, softer this time and Lan Wangji feels like crying.

He never thought having Wei Wuxian around could hurt worse than knowing he’s dead, but it seems like he’s wrong.

Lan Wangji seems to be always wrong when it comes to Wei Wuxian.

Still, he starts to play a different song, because Wei Wuxian asked him to, and he could never say no to him. Maybe, somehow, this will be enough to make Wei Wuxian want to stay.

He knows it’s a futile hope, but it’s all he has left.

~*~*~

Wei Wuxian is going onto a night-hunt. Without Lan Wangji.

Lan Wangji would prefer to not think about that, that Wei Wuxian didn’t even ask him to come, but instead he and Lan Sizhui are seeing Wei Wuxian off.

Lan Wangji pretends to not notice how the prospect of getting away from the Cloud Recesses, of getting away from him, has breathed new life into Wei Wuxian, but it’s hard to overlook.

Wei Wuxian is bouncing on the balls of his feet, all coiled up anticipation, before he turns around to them.

"Sizhui," Wei Wuxian says with a nod and an indulgent, fond smile before he pulls his son into his arms.

Lan Sizhui is enthusiastic about returning it, he doesn’t want to see Wei Wuxian leave either after all, but eventually it ends.

And then Wei Wuxian turns towards Lan Wangji.

"Lan Wangji," he says and Lan Wangji’s breath leaves him like he's been punched in the stomach.

He has only heard that name from Wei Wuxian’s lips twice, once in teasing in the library and once in absolute anger after Wei Wuxian came back from the Burial Mounds, and Lan Wangji is distantly surprised how wrong it still seems.

His name shouldn’t sound like that from Wei Wuxian’s lips, wrong and stilted, like an accusation more than a greeting, like a line being drawn between them.

Lan Wangji only experienced that once before, and he would have been happy for the rest of his life to never hear it like that again. The cold distance, the clear dismissal of everything they went through together, makes Lan Wangji’s whole world shift on its axis.

Lan Wangji is only aware of the feeling of falling for a few seconds, but even after the world righted itself again he's numb. He must have stumbled because suddenly Lan Sizhui is at his side, a strong grip on his arm and steadying him.

"Father," he whispers, the concern clear in his voice but Lan Wangji can't tear his eyes off Wei Wuxian who looks at them with a small, sad smile.

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji breathes and watches in horror as Wei Wuxian’s face crumbles in on itself.

"Goodbye," Wei Wuxian says before he turns around and walks away from Lan Wangji and Lan Sizhui.

He doesn't look back.

Lan Wangji wants to call after him, but his words are stuck in his throat, painfully lodged there and cutting him open. He wants to run after him, but his legs are not steady and Lan Sizhui’s grip is still painfully tight on him. In the end Lan Wangji can do nothing but watch Wei Wuxian walk out of his life.

Wei Wuxian is long gone from their sight when Lan Sizhui finally manages to get Lan Wangji back to the jingshi.

~*~*~

When Lan Wangji sits down behind his guqin his hands automatically reach for the most familiar notes. He wrenches his hands back after just three notes. It's still too much.

It has been months now, that Wei Wuxian left him, and Lan Wangji knows he’s not coming back. He took care of the night-hunt in Qinghe, Lan Wangji knows that much, but afterwards Wei Wuxian vanished.

Lan Wangji can’t play their song anymore, because there is no they anymore.

He startles slightly when Lan Sizhui sits down next to him and he vanishes the guqin with a flick of his wrist.

Lan Sizhui is quiet for a long moment and Lan Wangji learned to fear those moments. Sometimes Lan Sizhui is too perceptive, too clever for his own good.

"It doesn't hurt your head, does it?" Lan Sizhui eventually gently asks and reaches out to brush his fingers against Lan Wangji's temple.

Lan Wangji can still clearly see his little Lan Sizhui do the same and his heart almost flows over with love for him.

"It hurts your heart," Lan Sizhui goes on when Lan Wangji stays quiet and rests his hand over Lan Wangji's heart.

"Mn," Lan Wangji agrees, for the first time giving voice to his feelings and he's glad Lan Sizhui doesn't question it further.

He's not sure he could form actual words right now.

Lan Sizhui scoots closer, presses their arms and legs together and gets out his own guqin.

Lan Wangji has a moment of absolute panic where he fears Lan Sizhui is going to play the song that hurts Lan Wangji more than he can probable ever put into words but Lan Sizhui, of course, knows better than that.

He starts playing Clarity and Lan Wangji wants to object, the song is too sacred to play for fun, but he can already feel his mind settling and so he just leans a little more firmly on Lan Sizhui.

They both know it's the thanks he can't say out loud.

~*~*~

Lan Wangji is reading about core enhancement in the forbidden part of the library when he's suddenly startled out of his thoughts.

"Father," Lan Sizhui says and immediately has all of Lan Wangji's attention.

Lan Sizhui doesn’t call him father unless something is wrong. Seeing Lan Xichen stand next to his son does nothing to calm his nerves.

"A-Yuan," Lan Wangji acknowledges him and turns fully towards him, books abandoned on the table.

"It’s hurting him, too," Lan Sizhui tells him without pre-amble and for a second Lan Wangji doesn't know what he's talking about.

He has a moment of worry that maybe something is wrong with Lan Qiren or his brother, even though he’s standing right there, but the next words out of Lan Sizhui’s mouth make his meaning undoubtedly clear.

"It's hurting his heart, too."

Lan Wangji finds it hard to breathe for a few seconds, before he turns away from Lan Sizhui.

“Do not speak nonsense,” he admonishes him, because he knows what Wei Wuxian feels for him, and whatever Lan Sizhui is implying right now, is not it.

“Wangji,” Lan Xichen starts but Lan Wangji sends him a sharp glare.

Not that his brother seems very impressed by that.

“Let him explain,” Lan Xichen asks of him, and Lan Sizhui wrings his hands in front of his chest.

“Speak,” he says after a long pause, a pause he uses to steel himself against whatever it is Lan Sizhui has to say.

“We meet him sometimes during night-hunts,” Lan Sizhui starts.

A part of Lan Wangji is relieved to know that Wei Wuxian is well and alive, but a more bitter part points out that neither Lan Sizhui nor Lan Jingyi ever felt the need to tell Lan Wangji about this or ask him to come on night-hunts with them.

“He doesn’t want to talk about you, and you flinch whenever his name comes up, so we didn’t mention it,” Lan Sizhui mumbles, because for all that Lan Wangji can read his son, Lan Sizhui can read him as well.

“Doesn’t matter,” Lan Wangji dismissively says but Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“It does. Listen, Wangji.”

“He plays the song sometimes,” Lan Sizhui immediately goes on and Lan Wangji’s heart sinks in his chest. “But it’s—it’s sad and melancholic, and he only does it when he thinks we’re all asleep, because he always, always starts crying.”

Lan Wangji’s fingers spasm; even the thought of this song causing Wei Wuxian so much pain hurts him deeply, and he wants to do nothing more but soothe Wei Wuxian’s pain somehow.

“We offered to accompany him once,” Lan Sizhui says, “I can play it well enough by now, but he refused. He seemed so panicked that he left the night-hunt early.”

“I do not see your point,” Lan Wangji presses out.

“It’s hurting his heart, like it hurts yours,” Lan Sizhui says, almost desperately, and Lan Wangji wishes he could tell Lan Sizhui off, that he’s being unreasonable, but he can’t.

If Wei Wuxian would really hate their song that much, he wouldn’t play it, Lan Wangji knows that for certain.

“I don’t understand.”

“Wangji, you should go to him. Tell him the name of the song.”

“Can’t. He doesn’t—,” Lan Wangji trails off here, because he has never put it into words.

What he feels for Wei Wuxian and what Wei Wuxian doesn’t feel for him.

“He does,” Lan Xichen gently says and he sounds so sure, Lan Wangji believes it for a second.

“What if he doesn’t?” he then asks and Lan Xichen smiles sadly at him.

“Would it be worse than it is now?” he wants to know and it makes Lan Wangji stop.

It wouldn’t be. Nothing could be worse than this state in between, where he thinks Wei Wuxian hates him, but where he has never said so.

“No,” he mumbles and startles when Lan Sizhui sits down close next to him.

“Come with us tonight. We’re supposed to meet him. You can tell him then.”

Tonight. It’s awfully soon, but given how long Lan Wangji kept the name of the song a secret, he thinks maybe it’s time now.

“I will come,” Lan Wangji decides and is not prepared for how Lan Sizhui throws his arms around him.

He just hopes they are not wrong.

~*~*~

Wei Wuxian is not looking too well, Lan Wangji can see that even from a distance. Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi went to get Jin Ling out of there, so Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji could talk in peace, but all Lan Wangji wants to do right now is bundle Wei Wuxian up and feed him meals.

He’s too thin, and he looks too tired.

It doesn’t help that he gets this startled look on his face when Lan Wangji walks up to him.

“Lan Zhan,” he breathes out and Lan Wangji has almost forgotten how it feels, to have his name uttered like that.

“Wangxian,” he says instead of a greeting, because he has to get this out there as soon as possible.

“What?” Wei Wuxian mutters with a frown and Lan Wangji dares to step closer.

Wei Wuxian hasn’t run from him yet.

“The song. I named it Wangxian,” he explains and he can see the moment his words reach Wei Wuxian because he instantly comes alive at that.

“You named it after us?” he wants to know and Lan Wangji can feel his ears redden.

He nods, but it doesn’t seem to be enough for Wei Wuxian.

“You named it after us?” he asks again and there is so much hope in his eyes, Lan Wangji hardly knows what to do with himself.

“Yes,” he answers, and is rewarded with the most beautiful sound in the world when Wei Wuxian starts to laugh.

“Oh, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian says between his chuckles and he bounds forwards, right into Lan Wangji’s arms.

“Wei Ying,” he whispers, as he brings his arms up around Wei Wuxian to keep him close, press them tighter together, to never let him go again.

“Wei Ying, don’t leave again,” Lan Wangji says, afraid to voice his hopes and wishes, but he knows he has to.

He has Wei Wuxian in his arms. There is nothing he couldn’t do for him, for this feeling.

“Why, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian asks and he pulls back, not enough to make Lan Wangji panic, but enough to make him frown.

It’s too much distance already.

“You have to tell me why,” Wei Wuxian goes on, “because I think there might have been a very big misunderstanding.”

“No more misunderstandings,” Lan Wangji declares. “Stay. I love you.”

Wei Wuxian lights up at that and Lan Wangji fears he’s going to vibrate right out of his arms.

“I love you, too, only you, always,” Wei Wuxian gives back and throws himself back at Lan Wangji. “I thought you didn’t like me anymore, thought you wanted me to leave,” he admits and Lan Wangji slings his arms further around the too slim waist.

“Never. I love you. Always,” he whispers back, presses his face into Wei Wuxian’s hair and he just breathes for a second, content right where he is.

If the world would end right now, he wouldn’t care.

~*~*~

“Play my song,” Wei Wuxian demands as he drapes himself over Lan Wangji’s back, and Lan Wangji can’t help the soft smile that overtakes his face.

“Wei Ying,” he admonishes him, but he doesn’t shake him off.

“Play it,” Wei Wuxian whines. “I haven’t heard it in so long.”

“Played for you after breakfast,” Lan Wangji gives back and he knows that he created a monster.

Wei Wuxian demands to hear the song so many times during a day, and Lan Wangji can never deny him. It was only ever meant for Wei Wuxian after all.

“Play it again,” Wei Wuxian says, clinging more firmly to his back. “Or I won’t let go of you.”

Lan Wangji wants to tease him, let him hang off his back like an over-grown monkey, but instead Lan Wangji gets his guqin out.

“Only if you play with me,” he says over the victorious cheers from Wei Wuxian and holds out his flute to him.

Wei Wuxian still keeps it laying around everywhere, seemingly content that Lan Wangji plays for him all the time, and knowing that without any imminent danger he doesn’t need it, and Lan Wangji keeps an eye out for Chenqing wherever he goes.

“Ohhhh, my precious,” Wei Wuxian croons at the flute and takes it right out of Lan Wangji’s hands. “I’ll play with you but only if you say it again.”

Lan Wangji truly created a monster.

“I love you,” he immediately gives back and Wei Wuxian’s smile is too big for him to join Lan Wangji in the first few notes.

“I love you, too,” Wei Wuxian says, right before he starts to play along and while Wei Wuxian can’t play when he smiles, Lan Wangji doesn’t have the same problem.

And he rather enjoys smiling while he’s playing.