#Leave it to this nerd to babble for hours about one of her special interests ie her NPD diagnoses

[nerdnag]

Hi! I really love your writing and art. You seem like a super awesome person!

I have a probably way too personal question below, so obviously feel free not to answer if you don't feel like it.

I'm in the beginning of the (long, expensive, scary, full of waiting) process of seeking a diagnosis as an adult for whatever my flavor of neurodivergance turns out to be (or not be). If you are comfortable answering, could I ask if you have experience in the diagnosis process (for autism or ADHD)? I'm really nervous about it, and hearing other people's experiences sometimes helps me emotionally prepare.

Sorry for the long ask, and please do not feel obligated to answer at all!

Hi! Thank you so much for your kind words 💕🙏

I'd love to talk about my experiences with seeking a diagnosis! I have had my autism diagnosis for 6 years and my ADHD diagnosis for 6 months, meaning I got both of them as an adult. I'm from Sweden so the process may differ somewhat from other countries, but I can share how it was for me at least.

(This turned into a massive post, so I'll leave it under a cut.)

The path to the two diagnoses were somewhat different for me. For the first one, i.e. autism, I was referred by a therapist I'd been going to for stress-related issues. She happened to specialize in young women with autism and ADHD and saw similar signs in me, so after maybe five or six appointments, she asked if I would be OK with her referring me for an assessment. I was pretty shocked at first, because I'd never even had the thought that I might be autistic, but when she told me more it seemed immediately likely, so I asked her to refer me.

I don't remember exactly how long it took after that, but maybe a couple of months later I was scheduled for an initial phone interview with a therapist for a first brief evaluation of whether or not I should get an assessment. During this interview they asked me to tell them about various parts of my everyday life and how my symptoms had impacted me throughout my life. I also received some forms in the mail to fill in, with lots of questions about my symptoms (standardised tests basically, which they would later refer to during the assessment). A week later or so I was informed that they would go ahead with the assessment and that I'd been placed in line to get one.

I had to wait for over a year until the actual assessment, during which I read up on autism a lot in my own time. The more I read, the more likely it seemed, but I didn't dare to hope too much in case I wouldn't actually get a diagnosis - I was cautiously hopeful. After all, even though I hadn't suspected autism before, that didn't mean I hadn't struggled a lot throughout my entire life. Getting answers would be such a relief.

So when a year had passed, I was super excited to get my first appointment for the assessment. (The very first appointment turned out to be a very negative experience, because I was forced to go through a monitored drug test, which I experienced as very violating and which I've later learned is actually illegal. I won't go into details here though since it doesn't really concern the assessment itself, but if anyone's curious I can talk more about it.)

The assessment itself consisted of a handful of appointments with a psychologist. The first appointment, we talked through my entire life from birth until the present day. This included questions about my mother's pregnancy too, as well as a lot of questions about how I acted as a child and what I struggled with throughout my life. (Needless to say, I was exhausted for the rest of that day. But my psychologist was very kind and good at asking questions.)

The following appointments, they performed some tests on me, like various IQ tests, in order to rule out other possible disorders, and we also talked more in depth about how my symptoms impact my everyday life. Also, the psychologist interviewed both my mother and my partner, without me present. I don't remember a lot of details, but as I recall, there wasn't ever really a question of whether or not I would get a diagnosis, although I was very nervous during the last appointment that they would not give me one. What I appreciate is that they offered me the diagnosis rather than simply declared it, meaning I could argue against their reasoning and also refuse the diagnosis itself if I didn't want it. But of course, I had been hoping for one, so I was very happy.

After that I got an appointment at the autism center in my city, where they offer various courses, groups and other kinds of support. All in all my experience with the assessment was mostly pleasant, and they were very kind to me thoroughout the process (excepting the drug test).

As for my path towards an ADHD assessment, it was a bit more turbulent.

The therapist that had referred me years earlier had actually written that she saw signs of both autism and ADHD in me, but for some reason, the psychologist who did the actual assessment discarded the idea of ADHD during the very first minutes of my first appointment. However, as the years passed, I felt that autism did not explain all the struggles I had, and so I started thinking that there might still be things uncovered. For example, I realized that my tendency to jump from subject to subject both in my thoughts and aloud and thus struggle not to interrupt others and to remember things, as well as my constant ticks like ripping off finger nails, chewing the inside of my cheek or twirling my hair almost obsessively weren't very well explained by the autism diagnosis.

I read up a lot on ADHD and realized that the symptoms of autism and ADHD can sometimes conceal each other, and I also talked to some people I knew who either had an ADHD diagnosis themselves or were in the process of getting one. I could relate to a lot of their issues. Problem was, none of them seemed to see the same thing I did in me, and they came with kind of strange arguments for why they didn't think I could have ADHD. I wasn't very confident at that point, so I didn't try to get a referral immediately.

In January of 2021 though, I had finally pumped myself up to call a health advisor through my work insurance, because I knew a friend of mine had gotten her assessment quickly through that very insurance. However, I had apparently called a week too late, because they'd removed that option from the insurance as of Jan 1st. I was so discouraged by this that I basically just trashed the entire idea for a while, until later that same year.

In November of 2021, I had the chance to see a psychology student at the autism center about some anxiety issues I had. At the end of a session, I mentioned to her that I thought I might have ADHD. So the next session, she gave me some forms to fill in (more standardised tests). She looked them through and handed them over to her supervisor - but her supervisor didn't think there were enough signs of ADHD for a referral. Once again, I was extremely discouraged. It felt so strange that I could see all these symptoms so clearly yet no one else seemed to believe me. I was offered a meeting with her supervisor if I wanted to ask questions about her decision, but I said no because I was just so devastated.

I remember coming home to my partner and telling him about it, and how he encouraged me to take the offer and talk to the supervisor. It took quite a bit of pep talk on his part, but finally I agreed that I shouldn't give up just yet. So the next session, I asked to speak to the supervisor.

The supervisor, who was an expert in autism but not so much in ADHD, was very kind and attentive as I explained to her why I thought I might have ADHD. She in turn told me that the results on the tests I had filled in were not very strong indicators, but that the things I told her during our meeting now had changed her mind - she did see the possibility that I might have ADHD, and she was willing to refer me.

I was so incredibly relieved, and of course I thanked her and said that I would love to get a referral. (I think I could have sent in a referral of my own, but it always weighs heavier if it comes from a therapist/psychologist etc.)

So she referred me, and just like with the autism assessment process, I had an initial phone interview. However, this time, the person I spoke to had already decided to place me in line for an assessment, and simply wanted to talk to me to get an idea of what I struggled with in my everyday life.

Next, I waited...

And waited...

And waited.

Every time I received official mail from the municipality, both my partner and I held our breaths as I opened it. I swear I have never received as many completely irrelevant letters from the municipality as I received in that year and a half.

But then finally... It came. The letter announcing that it was my turn to get an ADHD assessment. This was in July of 2022, 1.5 years after my referral. This time, they informed me in the letter itself that I would have to go through a monitored drug test. So this time I was prepared, and although I knew at this point that it's illegal to force patients to go through monitored drug tests unless there is a reason to suspect substance abuse, I went through it just so I could finally get my assessment. After that test, I got all my appointments for the assessment itself.

My first appointment was in September, and within the first minutes, I knew that the psychologist was a good one. She was very kind, clear, attentive and caring. She made clear that she was aware of the way in which autism might conceal ADHD and vice versa. And she told me I didn't have to go through the IQ tests etc again since the first set from my autism assessment was still recorded in my patient journal. So this process would go faster than the autism one. We still had the in depth interviews though, some more standardised tests in the shape of various forms to fill in, and then the psychologist interviewed my mother again (although not my partner this time; she said she'd only do so if she felt towards the end that she needed more to base her decision on). I also actually brought some books about ADHD and autism, as well as about 2E (Twice Exceptional, meaning high IQ + neurodivergence) that I had in my bookcase, and she borrowed them for a few weeks and told me afterward that she'd at least skimmed them (which is probably more than I could ask for, seeing how busy I assume she has to be). The assessment was generally very similar to the first one I went through, although they of course had somewhat different focus areas.

Throughout the assessment, it became clear that apart from my autism which compensates for some of my ADHD symptoms, the fact that I have such a good support system in the shape of a supportive partner and flexible work situation, as well as the fact that I have a high IQ, have also been huge factors in why it's been so hard for me to get an assessment/diagnosis. My life is pretty functional from an outside perspective, but that's because I have all these support systems in place and because I've tailored my life around my struggles. For example, I barely have a social life irl, because I so easily get drained if I'm not on a perfect energy level that particular day, and that energy level can swing massively from day to day. So I never know whether I'll be able to make it when the day comes. I also struggle with relationships because I suck at remembering things that people have told me about themselves, and I tend to shift between being very intense or barely present in the relationship at all. Also, even though there are many reasons why I don't want to have kids, I don't believe I would be able to take care of a kid even if I wanted, because I can only just manage to take care of myself. There are more examples, but basically, I look functional because I'm an expert at compensating and I have incredibly supportive circumstances beyond that, but it's a different story behind the veil.

But even despite the compensation, I managed to check off all the criteria needed to get an ADHD diagnosis. Apparently what my mother had told the psychologist was in line with all the things I had said about my childhood as well. I was very nervous before my last appointment, but the psychologist was confident in her diagnosis, which was an immense relief. Like with my autism diagnosis, she asked me if I was OK with the diagnosis and her reasoning for it, and I said yes. She wrote up an opinion and set the diagnosis, and said that she would send it to me within a few weeks, and if I didn't contact her with any suggested adjustments afterward, then she'd make the diagnosis official a few weeks after that.

So I received the opinion via mail eventually, and it was pretty spot on, so I didn't contact her again. After that, not much has happened so far. I've been to an initial appointment with a therapist at the psych department to talk about what kind of support I might need from them, and that therapist placed me in line for a few things, including medication (which, knowing the long waiting times, might be a year or more in the future for me, which sucks).

So there you have it. It took 1.5 years for me to get an autism diagnosis, an additional 4 years for me to come to the realization that I might also have ADHD and get a referral for that assessment, and then almost 2 years more after that to get the actual ADHD diagnosis. I've had the fortune of getting in contact with the right people along the way, including two very competent psychologists, but hopefully that is more of a rule rather than an exception.

(I should add that I barely had to pay anything for my assessments, only $20 or so per appointment, which is incredibly cheap in comparison to many other countries where health care isn't universal and mainly government-funded. I'm aware this is a huge benefit.)

I hope your path towards a diagnosis will be relatively quick and easy. I know it can be incredibly rough to have to wait for the assessment, and it can also be stressful during the process to feel like you have to "prove" your symptoms or justify why you deserve a diagnosis. But if you feel confident that something is up, then don't take no for an answer - or at least be sure to ask for their arguments for why they don't think you have autism/ADHD, so you can properly face those arguments and possibly argue against them. And while you wait, Tumblr can be a pretty good place to hang out and interact with others in similar circumstances (and relate to memes lol). I found that helped me a lot :) Also, reading about the symptoms/diagnoses, and other people's experiencs with them, might be helpful.

Hope this answer was useful to you. I'm happy to answer any follow-up questions you may have!

[pascalpanic]

Mirdal’ika (Din Djarin x f!Reader)

Summary: Reader takes care of the Razor Crest and the child while Mando is out hunting. When Mando doesn’t return when he’s supposed to, the book-smart reader has to learn some street smarts and help her Mandalorian.

WC: 4.6k

Warnings: violence, cussing, mentions of blood

A/N: Okay, I’m a nerd, a certified nerd as if that wasn’t clear. This is my love letter to the nerds out there, to the ones who had their first kiss a little late, who stayed in and read books rather than partying. I love you, you’re cool. Italics are for emphasis and internal dialogue, but in some places also to show that another language is being spoken. Hopefully that’s clear! Oh, also: mirdal’ika is a word of my own creation. No Mando’a word exists for “nerd” that I could find, so this is my interpretation of the language using my best etymological skills!

mirdala= intelligent, clever -’ika = suffix meaning small or little mirdal’ika = intelligent little one; Mando’a slang meaning nerd.

Growing up, you were the kid who had her nose buried in a book at all times. You rarely interacted with the outside world. While the other children on Tatooine made sandcastles or played games, drawing in the sand, you read encyclopedias and fact books, learning about the other planets in your systems and other cultures. Your fixation at age 12 had been on Mandalorian culture, fascinated by the warriors that were like faraway, mythical knights to your young self. As a child enraptured by fairy tales and stories of intergalactic heroes like Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa, you’d somehow always been enchanted by the bad-boy type, the dark and mysterious man who reluctantly saves the day, more along the lines of Han Solo. Naturally, the fact that Mandalorians never showed their face was mysterious, and you’d admit that you dreamed of being swept away by the Mand’alor and having the privilege of being the sole person to see their face, of being a queen and finding true love. You later moved on to research other cultures, even teaching yourself various galactic languages should you ever get the chance to travel. That didn’t seem likely, growing up on a planet where the only claim to fame was Luke Skywalker’s brief residence a few towns over. Your knowledge of Mandalorian culture was part of what made you so special to Mando, your employer-friend-coworker-roommate-co-parent whose name you had yet to learn. You never asked questions of him. Never asked him to take off his helmet, never asked him what was under it, never asked anything too personal, understood that the helmet could only come off in front of members of his clan. You’d cut him off and finish a sentence when he’d explain something of his customs to you, stunning him with your knowledge. He liked it, and by association he liked you. You had bore much of your life story to him, and he gladly would’ve given you some of his. He had come to like you, to trust you even, but you never asked. For fear you wouldn’t want to hear it, he held back. You even spoke Mando’a, though he didn’t know that. It always brought a smirk to your face as he’d turn his back after calling you some sweet words in his native tongue, thinking you’d be oblivious. It shocked you at first; you didn’t expect such a stoic and silent man to be so openly flirtatious, but after a while it most certainly grew on you. You would tease him equally in another tongue, calling him handsome or dashing in Pak Pak or Bothese. It was fun, the way he’d try to guess what you were saying, usually assuming it meant something negative.

With your vast knowledge of languages, you’d both expected that you would be able to interpret the words of Mando’s adopted son, that his babbling would be easily deciphered into some species’ tongue. Eventually you realized that he wasn’t speaking a language yet, simply regurgitating syllables like any child would. He was a baby, after all. You set out to make it your mission to teach the child languages when Mando was away, and he had begun to identify the meaning of words, even if he couldn’t say them himself. He could identify body parts on himself, you by your name, and Mando by his; well, the name you called him, which you knew wasn’t his real name. Mando had taken you on as a crewmate for the Razor Crest a few months ago now, and you still knew next to nothing about the beskar-clad warrior. He was a forward man, so you assumed he would tell you things when he was ready. That’s about all you knew: he was a man, and he was a Mandalorian. He wanted to tell you everything, especially the fact that he had been enchanted by your intelligence and wit since the first time he met you, stopping on Tatooine for a bounty and encountering you when he asked a fellow villager who the most knowledgeable person around was. The tiny green thing he held was a menace, and you cared for him while the Mandalorian man went and hunted his bounty. The child was hesitant to leave you, getting attached after a quick few days of staying in your hut, and the man had decided you could be valuable. Just before he walked through the door, he turned and offered you a job. You were shy when you accepted, and had nursed a crush the whole time you two had traveled together. You couldn’t believe the situation, just like in those trashy novels you’d read when you were interested in his culture. Now that you lived with him and the tiny green thing, you stayed aboard his ship while he hunted and cared for the kid, cleaned, fixed up the piece of junk, and generally ran the almost-household. It was enjoyable; you liked the man, especially once you came to find his sense of humor similar to your own, and you absolutely adored the child in your care. Your little ragtag crew fell into a rhythm after the first month or so: Mando would leave on a hunt for a few days. While he was gone, you’d play with the baby, feed him and care for him. You washed the blood and dirt from the man’s clothing and the child’s bile from the clothing belonging to you and the baby, taught the child new words, and generally… well, raised him. The baby felt like your child when you two were alone, but when the Mandalorian came home, he was the only thing visible in that child’s round black eyes. It was all about him, sitting in his lap, babbling incoherent words to him, playing with him. Luckily for you, the Mandalorian is on a hunt. You and the child sit in the bed compartment; you lie on the mattress and the child rests in his mesh hammock above the entry. At the last port, you picked up as many books as possible to entertain both you and the child. He loved listening to your voice, and so you happily read aloud to him as you rest together. The Mandalorian should be home tonight, you figured, since he told you that this was a rather easy bounty and that it should take him no more than 3 days. It’s now a couple hours after the third day, but you’re sure it’s fine. The child’s eyes droop closed as you read to him, flawlessly translating the book from the Pak Pak it was written in. The Basic words pour from your mouth, and the little thing gives a gentle yawn before curling up with his favorite blanket and silver ball and passing out. Looking up, you laugh at the sight softly and transition to reading in your head. Not long after the kid falls asleep, you follow. It was unintentional, but reading soothes you, and the perfectly cozy bed that smells like Mando draws you in further and further until sleep washes over your body. You hug one pillow to your chest as you sleep, imagining it was the man’s body you cuddled up against. - Mando is 24 hours late. You’ve been pacing in the ship since you realized it’s officially a day later than he said he’d be back. Dammit, you’re going to find that man. You’re not unaccustomed to violence, having been in scuffles as a child and teen, fighting off Jawas or unsavory men in Tatooine cantinas. You need to track him down and find him. First, you go up to the cockpit and look at the comm watch he gave you. It has a two-way tracking device; one for him to find you, and one for you to find him. Mando has the technology to see where you are built into his vambrace. You, however, have nothing. After searching the cockpit, you find and crack open a tracking fob he used in the past. You open the back of the comm watch, finding the bit with the tracker and wire it to the fob. As you connect two wires, the fob suddenly blinks with light. Laughing at the fact that you made it work, you relax a little. Now you can track the Mandalorian man down. After slipping the fob into a pocket of your pants, you scoot back down the ladder and to the cargo hold’s back wall: Mando’s arsenal. You can do this, you tell yourself, and dare to open Mando’s personal armory built into the wall. You strap a holster to your thigh, adding a vibroblade there. A belt with two guns rests on your hips. An ammo belt drapes across your chest, settling between your breasts and pulling your black tank top tight, the back of the leather sash holding Mando’s backup pulse rifle. You take a look in the mirror of the refresher, and you have to admit that you look badass. Weapons and homemade tracker at the ready, you set out to find him. You leave the baby with a trustworthy woman at the hangar, one who has babysat him before for Mando, then enter the bustling city. - Following the blinking and beeping of the fob, you find your way to the opposite end of the city, to a building located near the outskirts. It’s run down and looks abandoned. It makes perfect sense that someone would hide here. As you approach, the beeping of the fob encourages you; the Mandalorian is definitely here. You disable the sound on the fob and slip it in your pocket, grabbing one of the blasters from your hip. As you approach, the building is silent. The roar of the city is quiet but present, and you slip through an open doorway quietly. You scan the rooms, blaster held in front of you and ready to shoot. You take inventory of the first floor and find nothing. The staircase looks terribly old, and you wince as you take your first step onto it and it makes a noise. Now or never, you tell yourself and quickly run up the steps, knowing the noise can’t be avoided, so you’d better make it quick. You reach the top of the steps, pulling out your other blaster, and find a male Twi’lek standing over  a pile of silver and black on the floor. Mando. He’s most definitely unconscious, maybe even- no, he can’t be dead, you can see his slow breathing and the way it makes his body rise and fall. “Fuck,” you say out loud, and the Twi’lek turns towards you. The man is large, much larger than you. He’s overweight and dressed in combat clothes, his face battered and bloody. Your heart sinks as you realize this man is the bounty Mando was going for. You need to start thinking on your feet, and quickly. The man starts to move toward you and you hold out both blasters. “Easy there, nerra,” you tell him in Twi’leki, calling him ‘brother’ to attempt to put him at ease. It doesn’t have the effect that you hoped. “Why are you here?” he asks back, also in Twi’leki, reaching for his weapon. “Don’t draw,” you threaten and inch closer. He was a bail jumper, Mando had informed you before he left, but not for a petty charge; he had escaped in order to avoid several charges of murder. He was a former bounty hunter, who Mando had encountered once. The idea strikes you. “I’m here for him,” you say and nod to the lump of beskar behind the man on the ground. “There’s a bounty on his head. I… heard whoever turns him in gets to keep the beskar too,” you say, raising an eyebrow as you look at him. “You going for him too?” The Twi’lek man shakes his head. “No. He was coming for me. Thought he could beat me.” You seize this opportunity. “From what you look like, I don’t think anyone could. This one is worth a lot of credits. Enough to run away to a pleasure planet… twice over,” you say, inching closer. Mando makes a soft groan and it breaks your heart as he gains consciousness. He must notice you; he starts to moan out words, but you know he can’t speak or he’ll expose you both. “Silence, Mandalorian,” you say again in Basic, words holding acid. “Twice over… let’s bring him in together. Find some wonderful planet to share that bounty on…” you offer, raising an eyebrow and slowly creeping closer to the man. “What’s your name?” You ask. He tells you his and you tell him yours, then give him a seductive smile. The man’s face falls into a smirk. You put both blasters in your belt once more and his posture relaxes fully. “Sounds wonderful to me, beautiful.” “Wow. For a jaded bounty hunter, you’re more foolish than one could ever believe.” Before the man can process your words, you’ve slung the pulse rifle over your shoulder and pull it into position. You shoot a pulse and it finds its target in his chest. He groans in agony and falls backwards, directly on top of Mando. Wincing for the man beneath the hulking Twi’lek, you grab a blaster, shooting the man in each leg. “Mando, hey, it’s me,” you tell him as you roll the behemoth from on top of him. “I’m here,” you murmur. He starts mumbling back, but it’s in Mando’a. That makes sense, you suppose, that he’s reverting in such a moment of crisis. “How hurt are you?” you ask, beginning to speak Mando’a to him in hopes he’ll understand you better. Mando’s brain works through the fog, hearing your words and recognizing that it’s you. “Real bad,” he groans out, speaking his native tongue. You touch his elbow, unprotected by beskar, and he whines. “No, no,” he whimpers, sounding almost like a child. You sigh. This was going to be harder than you expected. “Fuck, how am I going to get you out of here?” The brain function that the Mandalorian has left is your saving grace. “Speeder bike. Hidden down there. We can get on.” “Yes, but how are we going to get you downstairs?” He doesn’t respond, simply groans in pain. If this was going to work without immense pain on his part, some kind of miracle was going to need to happen. “I’m going to drag you down the stairs as carefully as I can, okay? We’ll let gravity do the work. Do you have a good arm?” “The left one… so clever, so smart, pretty girl,” he breathes out, words rasping. You blush at the words but chuckle. He’s in so much pain there’s no way he can think straight now. “I’ll go get the bike, then we’ll get you down there.” This is the hard part, you think to yourself. First, you run down the steps and search for the speeder bike Mando mentioned. You find it and sigh in relief. It’s a piece of junk, but it should do. You position it at the bottom of the stairs and then run up them again. “Okay, this is going to hurt. Can you roll yourself?” “No, shoulder’s all fucked up,” he mumbles and you groan. “Well, I’ll have to drag you on the good one. Get ready.” Taking his good arm, you begin dragging him towards the steps. He groans and you wince. “I’m so sorry, you’re doing so well,” you tell him as you move him. “Here we go.” Once he’s at the top of the steps, you hold him under his armpits, blushing at how close you are. He’s so strong, even injured, and you smile softly to yourself. You lower the two of you down the stairs with careful movements and manage to hold him long enough to get him seated on the speeder bike. He leans forward onto the handles. “One moment,” you tell him. Running up the stairs once more, you shoot another pulse into the bounty. He gives a dazed nod, clearly not understanding anything through the pain he’s in. You can’t let Mando leave this man behind. You’re sure he’s unconscious, so you repeat the same movements as before but with next to no gentleness. You toss him on the back of the speeder bike, where the gunner would sit, and tie him down with ropes before covering him with a blanket. “Alright, back to the ship as quick as we possibly can,” you inform Mando and get the speeder to a door wide enough to fit it through. Once it works, you hop on between Mando and the handlebar and start it up, moving as quickly as you possibly can. Soon enough, you’re back at the hangar that holds the Razor Crest. You enter the back way, using the speeder bike entrance. You hop off quickly and park it by the Crest. “Stay right there, I’m going to get this asshole into the carbonite,” you tell Mando. His consciousness hasn’t been clear for at least a day. He didn’t even process the fact that you had grabbed the bounty. “What? You got him?” “One of us had to,” you tease, enjoying the fact that the two of you are finally conversing in his native tongue. You’ve always loved Mando’a, the way the words sound rolling off your tongue. You untie the man, still unconscious, and haul him up the ramp of the Crest. You’ve seen Mando work the carbonite freezer once or twice, and you hope you press the right buttons as you force the man onto the slab. “Come on, baby,” you murmur to the machine, hoping it’ll work. With one final button, there’s a hiss and cold air blows from it, freezing him. You sigh in relief. You return to the main hold and pop out a cot for him to lie on. Running back down the ramp, you find the dazed Mandalorian in the exact spot you left him in. “I’m going to carry you into the ship,” you tell him, grunting with effort as you lift his practically deadweight body off of the side and into a standing position. You drag him up and immediately shove him onto the cot. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” you cringe as he moans in pain at the contact with the cot. “One more thing and we’ll get some bacta in you.” The owner of the hangar is waiting for you outside the ship, holding the kid, both confused by the commotion. You very quickly and hurriedly explain to her that everything is fine now, thank her and pay her a generous amount of credits, and rush back onto the ship with the baby. “Keep the speeder!” You shout behind you as you close the ramp. - A full day and a half later, the Mandalorian awakens from a deep slumber with a pounding headache. He sits with a jolt, which only makes the headache worse. He looks around to find that he’s in the Razor Crest, the familiar hum indicating that he’s in hyperspace. The events of the past few days begin to manifest in his memory and he groans, lying back down on the cot. You climb down from the cockpit as you hear him stirring and find him on his side. “Good morning,” you say softly as you sit on the edge of his cot, the kid in your arm. You set the child down and he toddles off elsewhere.  “You were out for a good day and a half,” you tell him and stroke his side softly. “How do you feel?” “Like shit,” he groans, rolling to his back again. He’s hyper aware of your touch, the way your fingers drag down his- oh shit, he’s shirtless, armorless- skin, avoiding the bruises. “You… thank you,” he says, gravelly voice soft. It sinks in that he’s wearing just a pair of shorts and his helmet. You must’ve undressed him, cleaned and bandaged his wounds. His breath catches in his throat. You nod and stroke his good arm. “Of course. That’s why you brought me on, isn’t it?” you tease. He chuckles, but it’s clear that takes effort. “Really, thank you. And you got the bounty too! Shit, mesh’la, I-” he says as he starts to sit, but you push him back down with a hand to his chest, caressing the side of his beskar helmet. “Nayc, stay down,” you tell him, chuckling softly. “Rest. I’ll bring you some water and go back up to the cockpit so you can take off the helmet,” you say with a soft smile, standing and going to where you keep the food and water bottles. As you move, he mulls over the events that led him here. He got knocked down and beat by the man that was supposed to be his bounty. That never happened. You came to rescue him and- wait. You just told him no, nayc, in Mando’a. In fact, you were speaking Mando’a to him the whole time you rescued him, reassuring him and directing him in his native tongue, which he had no idea you spoke until just now. You return with a nutrient bar and water bottle, setting them next to his side on the cot. “I’ll head back up-” you start to say, but he stops you by grabbing his wrist. “You speak Mando’a,” he says simply, looking up at you with wonder behind his mask. “Yeah,” you chuckle and admit, face flushing with warmth. His is equally heating beneath the beskar. He sits up slightly but instead you come to his level, sitting on the edge of the cot and pushing him down with a firm palm to his chest. He chuckles softly. “So you’ve understood me every time I’ve called you beautiful,” he says, a tinge of shyness in his modulated voice. Nodding, you tuck a stray hair back from your face. “I… yes, I have,” you nod, giving him an awkward smile. “I hear you talk in Mando'a in your sleep too, sometimes.” Even his chest is flushing with warmth now. You look away, at a corner of the ship “You talk about your life. People from your past.” The silence hangs between the two of you, your hand still resting in the center of his chest. You slowly drag it to his good shoulder, and down his arm. He clasps your hand in his when it reaches his fingertips. “Have you heard the name Din?” He asks in his native tongue, and you shake your head softly, truthfully. It never came out. “That’s… my name. Din, Din Djarin,” he admits to you, hand squeezing yours softly. You gasp softly, not expecting that information from him. A smile settles on your face after a moment. “Well then. Hello, Din.” You lean down and press your forehead to where his lies beneath the metal. A keldabe kiss, you know, the most intimate gesture a Mandalorian can do. It truly melts his heart, the organ pumping frantically in his chest. “Hello to you too, gorgeous. Wait,” he stops and pushes your face from his, gently. He returns to speaking Basic with a chuckle. “How many languages do you speak?” You look upwards, mentally counting. “Uh. 8 and a half. I’m still not finished with Ubese,” you say and turn back to face him, a shy smile gracing your face. “Wow. You’re a mirdal’ika,” he tells you, the smile evident in his voice even though you can’t see it through the mask. Separately, the syllables make sense. You understand the direct translation, but it’s odd, and you cock your head to the side as you look down at the Mandalorian- no, Din. “Little clever one?” You ask, unsure if you heard him correctly. “Yes, well, that’s the direct translation. It’s really more of a slang term.” “For?” “In Basic… I believe the equivalent would be… nerd.” “Din!” You squeal and laugh, smacking his good shoulder lightly with a backhand. “Excuse me, that’s rude,” you chuckle, the smile growing even wider on your face as you look down at him. He doesn’t respond for a moment and you give a soft sigh. “Well, you need to drink that water. I’ll head back up to the cockpit,” you tell him, really meaning to leave this time, the smile falling. Once again, as you stand and try to move, he grabs your arm. “I… I think I’m going to need help with that,” he admits, almost ashamed. “Please. Stay.” You nod, but then realize what it implicates. “No, Din,” you sigh, shaking your head. “I can’t do that to you, you and that helmet, it’s… it’s your everything, I couldn’t possibly-” “Please, cyare,” he asks in his native tongue again, and your heart melts. “I want you to see me. I need you to see me.” Heart pounding, you take a beat before you respond with a nod. You sit down once more, hands slowly tracing up his sides, then his chest and up to the base of his helmet. “You’re sure. Positive,” you ask. “Of course I am.” With a nod, you allow him to bring his hand to the side to unlatch the lock. Once it releases, he lifts his head just above the pillow and you slide off his helmet, catching the back of his head with one hand and easing it back down to the pillow. You make sure the helmet rests on the floor before you finally look at him. He’s gorgeous, truly. His tanned skin, which you saw when cleaning his wounds, is covered with dark stubble and a mustache on the lower half of his face, broken by two plush lips. Your fingertips trace his jawline as you take in his softly hooked nose, his dark eyebrows, his dark and messy hair, but most importantly, his eyes. His eyes are a beautiful chocolate brown, set gently into his face and looking at you like you’re a shimmering supernova, no, something even more beautiful. For a moment, you get caught up staring at him. “You’re absolutely beautiful, Din,” you mumble in Mando’a. He just gives a soft smile and murmurs his thanks. After you finish staring, you shake your head quickly. “Sorry, the water,” you chuckle nervously, turning to grab it from your other side. Din’s hand catches the side of your face. “The water is a secondary need,” he says softly in Mando’a, turning your face back to his. “I took this off for something else.” His eyes hold a question as he looks up at you. You bite your lip for a moment before breaking into a smile and nodding. The Mandalorian pulls your face down to his, and, ever so gently, your lips finally meet, real and warm and absolutely delicious. You sigh softly, putting a hand on the side of his face too. His lips are softer than you’d expected, while yours are just as beautiful as he dreamed about at night. You both continue for a moment, his hand drifting to your neck, completely lost in each other. A moment later, you pull back and giggle. “I have to admit something, Din,” you tell him and lovingly stroke the side of his face. “It better not be that you’re secretly engaged,” he asks teasingly, a soft smile on his face and raising an eyebrow at you. “No,” you laugh and run your hand through his curls, carding your fingers between the surprisingly soft locks. “That…” you gulp and look away before looking back at him. “Was my first kiss,” you admit and bite down on your bottom lip. He laughs softly but there’s love in his eyes. “A girl as beautiful as you never dated when you were younger? Never went out and flirted with her classmates?” You shake your head. “I was generally too busy at home, reading or teaching myself the language of the man who’d eventually be my first kiss.” You both laugh at that and you grin. His hand rests on the side of your face, gently sweeping his thumb across the skin beneath his fingers. “Of course you were. My little mirdal’ika,” he laughs, bringing your face to his to kiss you once more.

[karma-jinx]

ML New York Special Babbles *Spoilers*

Ok so! Coming outta me hiding hole to bring you this ramblings. These are just my thoughts after seeing the new episode. This ones a LONG one.

I’m told that this particular episode takes place between seasons 3 and 4. A sort of bridge episode maybe idk. I mention this because there are some things it connects to in the past and introduces some new stuff. (In regards of what’s going on in Paris.)

The ep starts with LB and CN yet AGAIN fighting Mr Pigeon. Apparently for the 51st time. He wants to take the Eiffel Tower to space with his piegons???? Idk just an excuse for the hero’s to use their new power ups. Which tbh is kinda lame because we don’t even see them in the new forms for very long.

The light hearted banter between LB and CN about the rose was kinda nice. I say this because it seems like CN is maybe FINALLY going to give her space and not try to woo her every moment. Tbh I can’t recall if he actually did flirt with her in that scene. So that’s cool. (Boy did stroke his own ego by kissing his muscles.)

Marinette really out her denying she still simps over Adrien. (She does it through out the entire episode and no one believes her claim that she’s over him and that they’re “friends”)

Also uh.... so Miss Bustier is preggers???? Interesting cuz I thought she was single since we’ve never heard of any sort of partner she may or may not have. Also its Miss, not Mrs so I don’t think she’s married? But idk she can’t go to the trip so Ms Mendeleiev goes in her place.

And can I just say how hurt she looked when the students complained that she’s lame and wouldn’t be as fun as Ms B. Yeah Ms. M is strict and all but she’s fair across the board. Unlike Ms B. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about just look up Ms B salt.)

Random but why was Chloe SO Adamant in not wanting to go to New York? I mean didn’t she want to go to New York with her mom? Was it cuz it was a class trip instead?

Lila was there too but fuq her honestly. Lila was only there to push Marinette to claim they gotta convince model boy’s das to let him go to New York with them.

Why’d the WHOLE class go to Adrien’s house if Marinette was the only one let inside? Sure it could be argued that either the dad only allowed her in. Or her classmates pushed her to do it alone since it was her idea. Either way seemed unnecessary for them all to be there. That’s just my opinion.

Side note as this was happening Adrien and Kagami had another fencing match. (One she won becuz boi was having sad times)

But she him!!!! And such an odd scene too becuz it LOOKS like she MAY have kissed him on the lips. But I don’t think she actually did. I say this because Adrien showed no reaction to it until she pulled away. He was still sadly looking at the ground until she was leaving. So???? I still don’t think they’re a couple. Yet????

My girl Marinette being a responsible hero trusting CN to look over the city in her absence gives him a flipping kitty alarm. I want that!

Random comment but ofc marinette would miss the bus that’s taking her to the airport because why WOULDNT she right?

Luckily friend Luka was there to haul ass to catch up on it on his bike right? (Is he a wimp or not? Like???? Yeah we know he likes her but he also treats her like a friend. So idk of this scene is him kinda simping or him being a good friend.)

That plane scene huh? I feel like some ppl are gonna be mad about what happened. As the trailer shows Marinette and Adrien are seated next to each other. When boarding the place Adrien is actually happy, maybe even excited to see Marinette.

He runs down the aisle to help her with her things and find her seat. He even tries to help her work the ac over head. All in all he’s just happy to be near her. And everyone might’ve thought FINALLY some progress right? Only to see her beg for help because she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t spend HOURS seated by the boy she likes.

Why? Because at the end of season 3 we’re told that she chooses to bow out in the race for his affections because she thinks he and Kagami like each other. She couldn’t handle a few seconds by him so she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle hours seated by a guy she still very much likes but chooses she can’t have. As frustrating as it is I can at least see WHY she acted the way she did.

Alya and Nino being 100000% over these to but still trying to help them out. The patience they have for their idiot friends.

Everyone on the plane as it’s being attacked: scared and full surprised.

Alya: *nerds out about the super heroes helping*

She still hasn’t changed huh?

Why’s Majestia’s daughter and Android? I really wanna know the story there. Idk how to spell her name so I’ll be calling her by her hero name. Uncanny Valley, which I also want to know why is that her name. As well as the full extent of her powers.

Yay for Sabrina having fun away from Chloe for once.

Why are there SO many heroes in New York anyways? And some are random af. A guys who’s ability is that he can open a door to where ever he wants to go.

A hotdog hero with ketchup and mustard theme sidekicks? (Maybe)

Dude makes hotdogs filled with random temp abilities. Which explains wtf I saw a clip of Adrien and Marinette dancing in the air.

Sooooooo..... does everyone just think of convoluted schemes? Or meddle in things just willy nilly? Anyways Uncanny Valley and Jess’s scheme to “help” Adrien and Marinette confess sure was top tier wild idea. Alya and Nino just WENT WITH IT! They’re just like, “kay sure why not?” Sure ok!

Ladybug and Chat Noir are an efficient crime fighting duo. And Paris’ sworn protectors!

Can’t function for shit as civilians.

LB has sole custody of their brain cells. What happens to it when they change back is a mystery to me.

CN is an idiot for never telling LB that he was leaving Paris. Til it was too late and problems were happening in Paris. Caused by Mayura. Rip Natalie who seems bed ridden? But also if the miraculous is fixed is she still going to suffer the affects from when it was broken? Or is she healing from that?

Anyways a messy fight ensues. CN hurt he broke his Lady’s trust and almost killed Uncanny Valley. If LB weren’t there to fix things who knows what would’ve happened?

Still, he gives up his ring and is forced to leave since his father blames Marinette for convincing him to allow Adrien to go to New York. SCREW YOU GABRIEL BITCH NEEDS TO GET DUNKED ON IS ALL IMA SAY.

(That was a NASTY skid Marinette did. Like OUCH)

Why did Majestia’s skin tone go fucking white in her civilian form???? Her and her gf/wife’s skin tone was just, weird?

On topic of random/weird why did Jess HAVE to pretend she was a boy hero?

The explanation they gave was rushed and weak imo.

The eagles miraculous confuses me tbh. Even after seeing how it worked I’m perplexed by it. But seeing as it takes place in ‘Muerica land of the Free with an eagle Kwami its “on brand”. Sure.

HM really out here really to destroy the world without a second thought huh? Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Shouldn’t also be surprised that LB and CN saved the day with their new friends either. The ending was pretty rushed tbh.

LB and CN are thanked/praised for helping. Paris understand why they were absent now.

Jess gets to keep the miraculous and *le gasp* there’s another protector of the miraculous.

Alls well that ends well right?

In all honesty the special was kinda like any other episode. It did bring new lore like the heroes of New York. NONE of them seemed to be miraculous based type of heroes. So I makes me wonder the extent of unnatural aspects that have or could happen to make someone have super abilities. Or am I to assume that it’s like marvel/dc or any other super hero like comic book story. Because it that’s the case then that opens a whole can of worms I can’t get into rn.

There’s also the other guardian of the miraculous. How many more are there? Do they keep in touch? If so why’d Master Fu make Marinette the new guardian???? Just.. jakakandjfns

Why claim its SOOOO important to hide their identities then show how New York Heroes don’t seem to really give af about secret identities?

Might’ve missed some things but this is long af as it is.

[sweatersarecomfyy]

Fancy Brain (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Summary: Reader likes Spencer but doesn’t want to tell him in fear of ruining their friendship. It’s super cute and fluffly, no warnings. Ya. 

My first Spencer fic, I love him so much.

He was in the conference room still trying to figure out something from the case. He was sitting on the floor surrounded by papers and books, but I could tell he was taking a break, sipping some coffee as he looked out the window momentarily. It was beautiful to watch him work.

I walked in and sat down at one of the chairs, he turned and gave me that goofy grin before turning back to his coffee. I did some more research as he tried to line up some sort of code that the unsub had left us. Often, I would just look over at him with his furrowed brow, and his fingers scanning the pages of book after book. I wasn’t getting much work done due to being distracted by him.

“It must be hard to be you.” I blurted out.

“Hmm?” He turned slightly.

I felt my face getting hot “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

He sat at one of the chairs and turned toward me. He didn’t look offended. “What do you mean?”

I was really embarrassed. “I just. I don’t know. Your brain works in a way that most people can’t even comprehend, and because of that you don’t quite understand how other people work. I mean, you do in the technical sense, but you know…” I took a deep breath “And you probably got made fun of a lot…I’m sorry. I don’t really have a filter.”

He laughed slightly. “I guess it was hard to be this way, but I’ve pretty much gotten used to it. Luckily, I don’t really notice when people make fun of me. I have good friends, and I wouldn’t change anything.” He smiled and nodded.

I smiled back.

“Is it hard being new?” He asked. “I think you might be projecting your worries.”

I nodded. “I mean, everyone’s great, but they all have so much more experience and years, and I feel, I dunno, different, weird.”

“How about we be different and weird together?” He asked kindly. “Because I’m definitely both of those things.”

My heart warmed at the kind gesture. “That would be great.”

He turned back to the board “How much experience do you have with decoding?”

 *****

“Yes, and so the introduction of Christmas trees, wreaths, and other things we think of as traditional Christmas decorations are actually pagan in origin, introduced when the Christians were trying to get more people to convert.” He rattled off.

I nodded. “Why were the Christians so set on converting so many people? I mean I get that they really believed it but as far as I know their God didn’t teach violence as a form of proselyting.”

“Actually…”

His mind was such a brilliant place, every time I talked to him I learned more and found myself trying to look up information that I didn’t know so that I could have these conversations with him. I found that if I started talking about facts from the myths and legends I specialized in he would immediately supplement it with more. If I kept asking him questions he would keep answering. I was hooked. Other people seemed annoyed when he babbled some random facts and they would roll their eyes even more when I continued to have a conversation off of that topic.

“Two nerds in a pod.” That’s what Garcia said whenever she saw us talking like that, like she wasn’t a nerd at all.

“I would define myself as more of an egghead.” I would reply to her.

Spencer would always laugh at that. He told me that the term originated in 1952 with some presidential candidate I could never remember the name of.

“Thank you.”

I snapped out of my reverie. “For what?”

“For always listening to me.”

I furrowed my brow “Of course.”

“I say that because you actually listen, and then reply. People usually don’t do that to me.”

“Oh. Well you are the most fascinating person I’ve ever met. I could listen to you for hours.” I smiled.

I saw his cheeks redden a little. “You have.”

We both chuckled.

*****

I don’t quite know if my feelings for this man started the day I saw him, or later on, if they came all at once, or if they built up over time, all I knew is that one day I realized I was fully head over heels in love with my best friend and coworker Spencer Reid.

Unfortunately, this meant that I lost all my chill whenever I was around him. Sometimes he would walk into a room and I would walk straight out so that he wouldn’t see how flustered I got. Instead of making meaningful glances at each other whenever someone made a significant factual or grammatical error I would stare straight ahead. I even avoided the coffee shop where we both always ended up getting our morning meal and walking to work together. One day he seemed to be around me so much that I went to hide in a broom closet during lunch. I really didn’t want him to know. I was younger than him, definitely not as smart, and nothing that he deserved looks-wise, and he was smart enough to figure out my feelings.

So I just avoided him.

Being the genius he is, he still found me, in the broom closet, eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich like some sort of outcast in high school.

“What are you doing in here?” He peeked through the door.

I felt my eyes widening. “Um, eating?”

He looked around. “Well can I eat in here with you? I feel like we haven’t talked in a while.”

“I actually, have to leave soon, I need to run an errand…” I stopped when I saw the hurt look on his face.

There was a pause.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” He looked at the ground, the door clicking closed behind him.

“I haven’t.”

“Yes you have, don’t deny it.” He sat down opposite me. “We’re friends. I want to know if something’s wrong. If I’ve done something wrong.”

My heart seized and I almost cried. “No Spencer, you’ve done nothing wrong.” I covered his hand in mine, realized what I was doing and folded my arms back up. There was so much more I wanted to say but it started coming out as tears instead. “I’m sorry. I’m such a wimp.” I wiped my eyes and managed a weak laugh.

“I don’t think you’re a wimp.” He pulled a tissue box from the supply shelf and handed me a tissue. “I just want to help. What’s wrong?”

I looked at his sincere brown eyes, he was leaning toward me and he set a hand on my shoulder. I needed to be honest with him.

“Ok. I need to tell you something.”

He nodded, looking slightly concerned.

“Please don’t think any less of me, and please still be my friend afterwards, I can get over it.”

He now just looked confused. “Get over what?”

I covered my face and gave a rather unattractive sniffle. “I have a huge crush on you, but it’s ok, because we can still be friends, right? I can get over it. I know I’m weird, and young, and you probably don’t have interest in me, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I took a breath. “I’ll just go.”

I tried to get up, but he took my hand and pulled me back down. “That’s why you’ve been avoiding me?”

I nodded, not daring to look him in the face. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, you have nothing to apologize for.”

“Spence, you’re my best friend, and I didn’t want to jeopardize that, and I’m really sorry.”

He didn’t say anything so I glanced up at him only to see him staring at me.

“What?” I wiped my eyes. My heart beat faster afraid of what he was going to say next.

Before I knew what was happening his lips were on mine and his arms were wrapped around me, pulling me closer. I was shocked for a second before I relaxed into him and put my arms around his shoulders. My brain still wasn’t processing what was happening when it was all over and I was looking at him again.

“What?” I said again, this time slightly out of breath.

He smiled. “Um, I probably should have given you some warning.” His arms were still around me.

I just blinked.

“I hope you don’t mind not being friends anymore, I was thinking we could be something more.”

The smooth bugger with his big fancy brain. My brain still hadn’t caught up. “That was exceptionally smooth Spencer.” Was all I could get out.

He chuckled. “So?”

I smiled finally, and cupped his face with my hand. “Let’s be weird together?”

“That would be great.”

“Spencer?”

“Yes?”

My words failed me as I looked into the face of the man that I love. There were still so many things I wanted to say. Instead, I pulled him into a hug.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” He said. “You’re stuck with me for a long time.”

And that was all I needed to hear.

[peterparkercuddles]

I’ll Love You Forever (I’ll Like You For Always)

"Hey, kiddo! You ready?"

Peter smiled as he answered the call from his pseudo father. It was August 10, and he was officially 15. That being said, Tony insisted he and Pepper treat the boy to a proper birthday dinner, much to Peter's reluctance. In the end, Tony had won, on the condition the restaurant wasn't too expensive so Peter didn't feel too bad.

So now here they were, Tony waiting in the parking lot, his sleek, black Audi standing out amongst the residential cars. Peter kissed aunt May goodbye, the woman smiling and wishing him one more happy birthday before the two of them were out the door, Peter for more celebrations, and May for another shift at the hospital.

As Peter jumped into the car, he was met by Tony, Pepper, and Happy, and as much as the driver acted like Peter was a little nuisance, he didn't try to hide his smile as he exclaimed, "Happy birthday, kid!"

Peter practically shone with glee as he crawled between Tony and Pepper, more than happy to now be amongst three of his favorite people on his very own special day.

"Happy birthday, Peter," Pepper smiled, and Peter gave his own grin in response. "Thank you!"

As the drive continued, Peter only continued to grow more and more joyful, and as always, it was impossible not to be infected by the kids childish glee. The adults listened intently as Peter filled them in on anything and everything they'd missed in the last week since they'd seen him, and then some. The boys ramblings never failed to amuse them, even if they'd already heard what he had to say, and by the time they'd arrived at the restaurant, they may as well have been experts in legos and nerd camp.

Once inside, the four were directed to their table where they were set for the evening. Drinks and appetizers were ordered, Peter's eyes wide the whole time. He was like a sponge, constantly soaking up information whether it was academic or not, and with his enhanced senses, everything was that much more interesting. He paid attention to everything, the way the utensils clinked against the plates, the sound of the quiet music playing, and even the way everyone around him ate and smiled at one another.

That's why it didn't go unnoticed when Tony quietly asked Pepper, "You feeling okay?"

Peter knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but being so caught up in the moment, he didn't take the time to think about Tony's purposeful discreetness.

"Are you sick, Pepper?"

Tony and Peppers eyes immediately shot up to the now fifteen year old, realizing his enhanced hearing had enabled him to hear what Tony had asked.

"I'm fine, sweetheart," Pepper answered, giving her dismissive smile Peter had come to know. He didn't question it, taking the hint that whatever they'd been talking about wasn't his business.

"Didn't anyone tell you not to use that super spider hearing to eavesdrop?" Tony joked, quirking an eyebrow at the teenager.

Peter chuckled, and by the time they'd ordered their main dishes, he'd long forgotten the interaction. The rest of dinner went off without a hitch, Peter continuing to talk everyone's ears off, but they didn't mind. Listening to the boy babble on about his interests and his schoolwork and his two close friends really made them smile. It was impossible not to fall in love with Peter, and every person at the table was wrapped around his little finger.

It was around the time they were starting to leave that Peter noticed Tony and Pepper become antsy. They were fidgety and occasionally exchanging whispers, ones Peter intentionally didn't pick up on so as not to eavesdrop again. The odd behavior continued throughout the drive home, but Peter noticed they looked excited. Every once in awhile they would exchange smiles or wiggle their eyebrows at each other. To Peter, it looked as though they were planning something, and he was really hoping it wasn't sex considering he'd be spending the night, even if Tony could sound proof the walls.

By the time they'd arrived at the tower, Peter was very curious to find out what was going on between the two. It was almost impossible to ignore the glances and grins once Peter had noticed them, and he wanted in on whatever was going on. Tony had other plans however, as he wrapped his arm around the boy upon exiting the car and exclaimed, "Presents?"

"Mr. Stark, you really didn't have to get me anything," Peter assured, and Tony rolled his eyes.

"Nonsense! How could I not get you absolutely everything for your special fifteenth birthday?"

The boys eyes nearly bugged out of his head at the mention of 'everything' and Pepper laughed. "Tony, you're freaking the poor kid out."

Tony huffed as he pulled his sunglasses off his face. "Is it a crime to treat my spider child on his birthday?"

At that comment, it was Peppers turn to roll her eyes, but her expression quickly changed to a happy one once they'd arrived at the living quarters, and Peter couldn't help but crack a smile at the pile of gifts on the glass coffee table in front of the couch.

"Alright, kid, have at it!" Tony told Peter as he led the boy toward the presents, and despite Peter's past protests, he easily picked up the first gift he saw, which turned out to be a couple of nerdy t shirts the man knew he'd like. Peter quickly thanked Tony, being shushed with the statement 'appreciation is saved for the end of present opening.'

After about twenty minutes, Peter had unwrapped every present on the table, spilling out an insane amount of thank you's, ones that Tony constantly assured him he didn't need to say.

"Still," Peter'd told him. "You got me all this stuff; you have to at least let me say thank you."

Tony smiled at that comment, because he truly did have the best kid, and he knew it.

"Well you're not quite done saying thank you yet, because we've got one last present for you."

"Mr. Stark! You really didn't have to get me all this stuff." Tony could see the look in the kids eye. The look that was about pride, and Tony almost felt bad for mentioning a last present. Key word: almost.

"Don't worry about it, kiddo. Besides, it's mostly from Pepper anyway, and it's kind of a gift for all of us," Tony replied with a shrug, and Peter looked towards Pepper for confirmation. She smiled at him as she gestured for him to open the present.

As Peter pulled the blue and pink tissue paper from the bag (huh, that sure was an odd color choice), he could feel Tony and Peppers eyes on him. It wasn't until he opened the little box inside the bag that he knew why.

It was a pregnancy test. A positive one, to be more specific.

He looked up at the adults with slightly wide eyes, looking back down as his fingers grasped something else. A picture frame, which contained the photo of an ultra sound, labeled Virginia Potts.

Peter could practically hear Tony and Pepper holding their breaths as they waited for him to look up at them. He really didn't want to look at them though, because he wasn't sure he wanted them to see his tears.

Eventually though, he did look up.

"You... you're... are you really?" Peter sputtered out, eyes teary. He watched as Pepper smiled with teary eyes of her own and rubbed a hand over her still very slim belly.

"Yep," Pepper confirmed. "I'm almost eleven weeks."

That confirmation was all it took for the dam to break, and Peter's tears began to fall as he looked between Pepper and Tony.

"You're pregnant?" he asked again as he got up and walked toward the two.

"She sure is, Pete. Isn't it great?" Tony asked, rubbing his own hand over Peppers belly as he looked up at Peter.

Peter's lip quivered as he nodded, and Pepper couldn't resist anymore. "Do you want a hug, sweetheart?"

The kid practically fell into Peppers arms, sobbing into her shoulder now that he had the comfort, completely overwhelmed and overjoyed at the news.

Pepper was pregnant.

Pepper was pregnant!

"Really? You're really pr-pregnant?" Peter sputtered, and he could feel Pepper chuckle from his place in her chest.

"Really, sweetheart. I really am."

"Wait, is that why you asked if she was feeling okay earlier?" This time, the question was directed at Tony, and the man nodded.

Peter watched as Tony smiled at him, the last little confirmation he needed.

"Do-Do you know the gender yet?"

"Not yet, buddy," Tony told him. "She's eleven weeks, so we've still got about five or six weeks to go."

Peter picked his head up and wiped his face with his hand. He sniffled with a smile. "Wow, you're having a baby, Pepper!"

The boy just couldn't get over it. Tony and Pepper were going to be parents. They were going to have a baby. A real, live baby.

"I sure am, Peter," she responded lovingly, looking toward her own stomach.

"Wow," Peter murmured. "Can I feel?"

Pepper smiled. "Go right ahead."

And even though there was nothing there yet, Peter was still content to run his hand over Peppers covered stomach. He looked up at Tony in excitement, and if he saw that Tony's eyes were a little misty, he didn't comment on it.

+

"I'm sorry."

Tony sighed as Peter choked out yet another apology as vomit poured from his mouth. The kid was sick, like really sick. Somehow he'd come down with a nasty case of the flu, and with the kids system already being weak from pure exhaustion he'd put himself through, his super healing had not come in handy.

"Pete, what did I tell you? There's nothing to apologize for," Tony lightly reprimanded. He was sure his ears would ring if he heard another apology from the kid, but he just wouldn't stop. Tony knew he felt guilty, but he just didn't know how to explain that he wasn't upset. He'd already told the boy a hundred times; it just wouldn't go through his thick skull.

"I'm-I'm fine, you should- you should go back to Pepper," Peter gasped out, and Tony sighed.

"Peter," the boy heard the frustrated tone in his voice. "Pepper is only fifteen and a half weeks pregnant. She can take care of herself. You however, are running a nasty fever and haven't kept a thing down in three hours. You need my attention right now, and Pepper knows that. Now, will you please just let me take care of you so that you can get better?"

Peter gave him a reluctant nod and looked up at him through teary eyes. "I didn't mean to make you mad."

Hearing the sullen tone only further broke Tony's heart, and he sighed once again. "Kid, I'm not mad. Yes, I'm frustrated, but I can't be mad at you for this. I just want you to let me help you so that you can start to feel better, and I don't want you to apologize for it because you need to. So is that alright? Do you think I can help you get back up on your feet, that way we can both be there for Pepper?"

Peter nodded weakly, and this time Tony's sigh was out of relief. "Alright, here's what we're gonna do. First, we're gonna go back to your room so you're not laying on the bathroom floor, and then I'm gonna get something you can hopefully keep down. If you can't, then we'll have to get Bruce. Hopefully that doesn't happen, though. Sound okay?"

Peter gave a thumbs up, and Tony knew even that must have taken up nearly all of Peter's remaining energy, because he was pretty much running off motivation at that point. He'd definitely burned through everything he'd had that hadn't come back up, so the kid had to be miserable.

"Here we go," Tony practically cooed as he helped Peter up and off the bathroom floor, grabbing his waist and pretty much doing all the work that it took to get the kid back to his bed. Once he'd been lain down, Tony walked out and came back in with a waste basket and a bottle of Gatorade a few moments later. He also had a bottle of pills in his hand that Bruce had created, and he hoped they would be enough for the enhanced child.

Looking at everything around him, Peter began to hope things were looking up. Maybe he'd start feeling better soon.

...

Things were not looking up. Peter had immediately become nauseous upon swallowing a cap full of Gatorade, and he wouldn't be able to keep the pill down completely empty. So, Tony did the only other thing he could think of, and took the kid straight down to the medbay.

"Hey, Bruce," Tony called. "I need your help."

It didn't take long for Bruce to appear, and once he saw the state Peter was in he quickly jumped into action.

"Is he okay?" he asked as he gestured for Tony to put him up on one of the tables. "He looks like he's knocking on deaths door."

"I think he is," Tony sighed as he rubbed his temples, watching Peter lie still on the table. Usually he'd protest being in the medbay, but he was just too sick to care, and Tony was nearly sick with worry.

"What's his condition? I need you to tell me what's been going on," Bruce pulled on his gloves, making his way back to Peter with his stethoscope.

"Kid seemed like he had a normal flu, which really isn't normal at all considering the fast healing, but he's been really stressed. He's been vomiting and hasn't kept anything down for like four and a half hours now. I tried giving him Gatorade earlier but that came back up so I couldn't give him the pills you made. Then we tried water and that came back up too, so here we are."

Tony swore he was thirty years younger before he walked into the medbay. He watched in angst as Bruce checked the boy over, heart clenching when he heard especially pathetic whines come from the boys mouth.

After a few minutes, Bruce looked up at Tony with sympathy in his eyes and told him, "We need to start an I.V. line. He's dehydrated and he won't get better until we get some fluids in him."

Tony cringed at the news. Peter hated needles.

"Hey, buddy," he cooed as he walked over to grab Peter's hand. "Did you hear that? We gotta get an I.V. in you."

Peter gave a low whine and looked into Tony's eyes with his own teary ones.

"I know, kiddo," Tony grabbed his hand. "I know."

Peter whimpered as Bruce grabbed his arm to insert the needle, and he continued to whimper and grasp at Tony's hand until it was inserted. Tony could barely stand watching his kid cry, and he had to restrain himself from just telling Bruce to cut it out and hope the sickness just went away. But he knew he couldn't do that.

Peter continued quietly crying for a little bit, the exhaustion and guilt really creeping up on him.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered. "I don't-don't wanna bother you. You-you can go back up to Pepper; I'm sure she needs h-help with the baby."

"Peter, we talked about this," Tony squeezed Peter's hand. "I want to be down here with you. Pepper doesn't need my help right now; she's fine. You on the other hand, do need my help right now."

Peter wiped his face with his free hand. "I-I just don't wanna bother you. You have your own kid on the way, you shouldn't have to lo-ok after me," he hiccuped.

"Peter, you're my kid, and I do have to look after you. You are my kid, and you're never a bother." Tony looked into Peter's eyes the whole time he said it, making sure Peter drank it all in, so that it would finally click that Tony didn't mind taking care of him.

"Really?"

"Really."

"So, you're not gonna get tired of me when the baby gets here?" Tony's heart cracked at the question.

"Peter, why would you think that?" he asked, squeezing the boys hand a little tighter.

"Well I just figured since you're gonna have your own kid that you wouldn't really need me anymore. I mean, your kids gonna be awesome, so it's not like you need some fifteen year old always hanging around."

Tony bowed his head. "Jesus Christ, kid. Did you really think that? I'm gonna say this again slowly. You. Are. My. Kid."

"I keep you around because you've got me and Pep, and anyone else you meet completely wrapped around your finger. Yeah, Pepper and I have our own child on the way, but that doesn't mean we don't love you. You were always our first kid, and the baby is going to have an amazing big brother to watch after them."

Peter's eyes were teary again, thankfully from joy, not from sickness.

"You really mean that?" he asked, and Tony's heart nearly burst out of his chest at the look Peter was giving him. The look children give to their parents, that look of total, complete and utter trust.

"I do," he said. "I mean it more than anything."

"Do you really think I'm gonna be the best big brother?"

"Of course I do."

+

It was a week and a half later that Tony and Pepper's appointment was set to find out the gender. However, a certain Peter Parker had talked them into having a gender reveal party, and his insistence made them wonder how lenient they would be with their own child. If they couldn't withstand Peter's charm and puppy dog eyes, how would they be able to tell their own child no?

So now here they were, in the living quarters of their floor on the tower, surrounded by pink and blue decorations (plus two separate bowls of m&ms, one labeled 'nuts' and the other labeled 'no nuts' because that's just Tony's humor). It had been decided that the party would not be a public affair, only including the team and any close friends they may have, which only included May considering their close friends were the team.

They had just started opening presents when the group started voting on what they thought the gender was, girl being the most voted on. As they guessed, they all looked towards Natasha to see if she could give a sly confirmation, which she didn't. Tony and Pepper had actually chosen Natasha to be the one who would fill their confetti poppers with the gender, considering she was a spy and all, and would never reveal a secret under any amount of pressure.

She could even withstand Peter's puppy dog eyes... most of the time.

Everyone was beginning to get more and more impatient, and by the time Pepper had opened her last gift and given all her thanks, the whole party was itching to watch the reveal.

Well, minus Natasha, considering it was no surprise to her.

Especially eager though, was a certain Peter Parker. He couldn't wait to be a big brother, and he especially couldn't wait to find out what he was going to be a big brother to. He was really hoping for a girl, having always wanted a little sister, but he knew he'd be happy with a brother too.

He was the last to give Pepper her gift, a bag containing a little photo album with a card attached congratulating the two and offering to babysit any time. He was going to do everything in his power to be the absolute best big brother, of course.

"Thank you so much, Peter. The baby is so lucky to have you," Pepper smiled with open arms, and Peter gratefully walked into the hug. He was hoping Pepper liked his gift, and now that it was confirmed, he could bask in the comfort she was giving.

"You're the greatest kid, you know that?" Tony told him, squatting down and rubbing his arm. "We're so thankful for you, and we know the baby will be too."

Peter smiled. He could have cried, and he was sure he was going to once he saw the color of the confetti everyone was so impatiently waiting on.

"Thanks, Tony. But I think I'm ready to find out exactly who I'm going to be a big brother to," he smirked.

In response, Tony rolled his eyes fondly. "Well since everyone is absolutely dying to find out what my kid is, Nat, will you do the honors?"

Natasha saluted and walked behind the counter to grab the poppers, handing one off to Tony and then Pepper. She rejoined the group, which was now eagerly standing in front of the couple, which kissed before shouting, "Three... two... one!"

As soon as the strings were pulled, bright pink confetti exploded everywhere, and the group erupted into cheers. Tony and Pepper kissed again, the two of them having equally misty eyes, even if neither of them would ever admit it.

Peter was standing by with tears streaming down his face, quickly noticed by Tony who walked towards him and wrapped him in a hug.

"Excited, kiddo?" he asked, and Peter pulled away.

"Me? I should be asking you! You're gonna have a little girl," the boy blubbered, reaching up to shakily wipe his eyes.

"I'm so excited, kid," Tony replied. "And I know you are too. You're gonna have a little sister!"

At that, Peter's tears began running faster than he could catch them and he allowed Tony to pull him in for the hug. Pepper eventually made her way over to join in, officially a sort of family of four.

They didn't notice May and Rhodey watching, and Peter was so distracted that his enhanced hearing didn't pick up on it when May murmured, "I'm glad he has them."

"I'm glad they have him, May," Rhodey told the woman. "He saved Tony, he really did."

+

A few weeks after the party, it was Tony's turn to take Peter for the weekend, as per his and May's agreement to try and co-parent Peter. The boy walked into the lab throwing his backpack down as he usually did and joined Tony at his work table.

"Anything new to work on?" he asked, rolling around in his chair he'd insisted on having.

[sanoiro]

I was watching 3x09-10 today with my husband (he's trying to catch up and watch the finale when it airs 😊) and he has this theory (sorry if it was discussed before, I couldn't find it). What if Pierce (the first murderer) really is trying to make Lucifer kill a human (as you said on a post the other day) and turn him into the first angel murderer. Maybe he knows something we don't about the repercussions of that? Idk... Just a thought.

First of all, I love your husband! 

Now, this might be a long post I have no idea yet but I read you Ask when I was just about to go to bed and something just stuck with me although I forced myself to sleep instead of replying you. Good thing I did because now I’m feeling like I can analyse anything you tell me to. 

Okay, so long ago I had posted Lucifer’s line from S2 where he said that judgment day is only a couple of years away. 

So I always thought what if Lucifer and Chloe had something to do with it? If we think about it Mum almost caused the end of the word. Last night I also wrote a post where I was thinking that perhaps the 3x16 line on the jock the princess and the nerd corresponded to Dan, Charlotte and Ella because as far as I see it, everyone will have an important task in their hands and some may even fall because of that. I’m mentioning the above because I made a weird connection last night… Can Lucifer by killing a human start an apocalypse? I’m not sure and I doubt we will get there but there is something that I overlooked as it didn’t make much sense at the beginning. The Z prophesy said that the magma of the Earth is blocked and if the magma was not released soon we would have a big magma apocalypse. 

This may sound a bit overstretched but… What is holding Lucifer’s Devil face back or worse his eyes? Why do they glow amber and only two times this season? Was the dagger the only way to let out his light-bringing power? I always believed that his red glowing eyes since S1 were a sign of that power within him. As you may have guessed I’’m wondering on whether Marcus is trying to manipulate something inside of Lucifer. His purpose might have never been to die… Perhaps a revenge then towards God’s favourite son? 

I still don’t buy the favourite was Amenadiel and I presume that Marcus knows that. I have mentioned the following question before that the metal book in S2 was written by whom exactly?  It was written in Sumerian according to Amenadiel and remember what Lucifer said in 3x16 regarding Abel? 

Lucifer: Whilst this is all very illuminating, Maze, how do we find Abel? Keep an ear out for someone babbling in Sumerian? - Lucifer 3x16Lucifer: So whatever language this is- Amenadiel: It’s Sumerian. Unlike some of us who had everything handed to him, I actually spent my youth studying. - Lucifer 2x17

Again who wrote the book that dates back to Abel’s murder according to the timeline Lucifer gives us? Or better yet who was still alive to write it? Cain. At least that’s what I see here. 

If all the above are true what does that tell us about Marcus so far?

- He knows more about divinity and mystical objects than Lucifer, Amenadiel and even Mum. -He knew about the medallion of life and perhaps he has possed himself with it in order to acquire that knowledge as the page of the medallion was at the left side of the book and the flaming sword at the right side. -He knows about Lucifer’s light-brining power. -He knows who the favourite son is… 

But let’s go a bit further. 

Marcus in 3x12 - All About Her, told Lucifer that when he found out that a human had made the Devil bleed so he had to check and that he had high hopes because that would help him find a way to die. I believe that all, meaning wanting to die that is not true. Or at least not entirely true. (Half truths Lucifer 1x04 - I don’t lie but I don’t say the whole truth either.)

Marcus knows that Lucifer bled early on as that was the scene the production went within the flashbacks shown in 3x12. Not 1x13, not 2x13 but 1x04! Meaning that he could have been in Los Angeles immediately when that happened but he didn’t. 

So we get to S2 where Azrael’s blade comes to L.A. and even if Marcus never found out about Uriel (doubtful) he knew about the blade by the episode 2x08 - Trip To Stubby Town. If he wrote the book or was around for millennia he knows that the blade can not only kill him but also vanish his soul once and for all. 

Marcus claimed he experienced no guilt for what he had done so he wouldn’t go to Hell but that would leave only Heaven as an option. Thinking about it, an internal life in Heaven is it really a good thing for him after so many millennia? Wouldn’t be wise to just kill yourself with the blade and be over with it? 

Let’s not forget that Dad probably has a saying even in the afterlife so why would Cain ever subject himself to go to the same place where his torturer is? It doesn’t make any sense… But how about taking revenge on the favourite son of Dad? That is a high possibility but why now? Because Lucifer has something to lose and can suffer. Additionally, his light-bringing powers might be something that can be used against God? Who knows…Okay, so around 2x13 if Marcus knows about it, the Devil dies for a human… Did the hospital had any footage? No idea some do but they require a special order to be turned on. 

Now see this… in a very weird way, Earl Johnson in 2x16 was committed for giving away all his money and because he had been delusional a few months ago (02/03/2017) by his wife…

If you go back a few episodes you will realise that this happened around the time Azrael’s blade was on the move (2x06-2x08) or when Chloe was poisoned (2x11-2x13). So was Earl Johnson planted somehow? I mean why would a guy from Odessa, Texas end up being committed at a ward in California? I may be going a bit too far but what if Marcus was manipulating things since S2 and wanted Lucifer to start a new war against his Dad along with Mum?

Now in 2x18 Mum is gone, the blade is gone but in less than 2-3 hours later Marcus has someone Devilnap Lucifer. Miraculously Lucifer ends up with wings so that makes me wonder if the light-bringing power can be harvested somehow and reused… 

Too far? Okay, think of this. Marcus had 2 seasons to act and he does it when A) Mum is gone, B) the blade is gone, C) Amenadiel’s powers may be returning but not really, D) Maze is out of Lucifer’s house and E) Marcus has proof that Lucifer can summon the light-bringing power. 

All the above get us to S3. 

How did Marcus or the Sinnerman brainwash that guy in 3x02 into thinking he had killed Lucifer’s kidnapper because of his girlfriend? Why do we always forget that? Sometimes I wonder if the original Heart Break Killer was manipulated by the 1950s Marcus… 

Moving forward we get to 3x04  - What Would Lucifer Do?, where Marcus is shot but was he really trying to test his mortality around Chloe? That was a bit too rushed and it doesn’t make much sense… It seems almost as if Marcus wanted some time off to set up a new game… 

3x05 - Charlotte comes back and perhaps Marcus steps away as he wants to see the lasting effects of Mum and how a Hell damned soul is reacting back to her earth body… I do wonder if Charlotte acted as a live experiment for him in a way. 

3x06 and 3x07 are the standalones but Lucifer and Chloe are coming closer something that perhaps does not fit Marcus plan whatever that is. He needs Lucifer in pain. Like Linda said in S2, Lucifer had to feel his pain and indeed in that way, he ignited the blade so… - I believe this has been mentioned before at least once on a basic level? - 

3x08 - Marcus returns and all of sudden in 3x09 The Sinnerman starts to slaughter Lucifer’s old favour recipients. The mafia boy was a recent deal but the woman with the hair products was a few years old deal/favour. I remind you that only Marcus has the archived files on the celestials. 

In 3x10 we get several enigmatic clues and the first arc finishes with Marcus shooting Sinnerman. Now the weirdest part for me was that Sinnerman had kept their photo together photo in a pristine condition with him… Why? It will be answered for sure but… Sometimes I wondered if Marcus could have children for some purpose or if there is something more in there…

The next episodes 3x11 aside, seem like a big joke something like getting the Devil a colour book and let him have some fun. They do hold a deeper meaning but what interests me more is 3x16 for one more reason. Marcus knows that his brother by returning to Hell will fall again into the punishment loop. 

What had me thinking was why didn’t Marcus ask from Lucifer to bring back his brother after Abel was run over? How cruel can you be to let your brother, who you claim to care about at the end of the episode, return to Hell? If that’s not sadistic I don’t know what is. 

Everything I have written so far, of course, do not answer your question if we do not take them as one unit with unseen yet existing connections. 

Marcus is using Lucifer. Chloe has a gift there is no question about it but as Sinnerman said, it has to be you aka Lucifer. We might not know the motivation and the real reason behind Marcus’ actions so far and we might find it out only when the scene is aired but what we should remember is that no matter how precious is Chloe, Lucifer is the object of interest here… 

Which makes me think this. Lucifer is supposed to punish the guilty so was Cain’s mark under Lucifer’s influence? Just a random idea here though…

So your husband is partly right in my opinion. Marcus is forcing people to spin around themselves and do things they would never do… Killing a human as you remember is an Angel 101, no-no. Also, do remember Gaudium… taking a pleasure out of the idea of the committed sin and by reliving that sin and not the sin itself…

I know that this post has been a bit all over the place and I apologise for that. It’s just you gave me an opportunity to go back to S1 and rethink certain coincidences or what we assumed they were at the time. Thank you both!