#Lizzie Stark imagine

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Hey 👋 I’m not too sure if your doing requests( if not completely ignore this it’s fine:)) but I was requesting a peaky blinders one-shot where reader is like an orphan and lives in an orphanage and tommy the philanthropist he is goes down to the orphanage with Polly,John,Arthur,and Ada and whoever else you want and they see reader going at it with on of the sisters. You could choose the conflict or their argument but yeah, if you could draw the reader as someone who’s quick and sarcastic with their words like a speak before thinking type of person you know. Also can this be like a tommy Shelby x daughter!reader kinda like a found family kind of trope. Sweet kisses love your stories❤️

Dear Anon,

I hope this does it justice!! I changed a few things because I felt like it fit the story better (I hope that's alright) but there is lots of family stuff. And lots of Lizzie and Tommy - not something I have ever written before so hopefully that's also alright. Sweet kisses back to you love, thank you for this wonderful idea!!!

Warnings: peaky type stuff, religious language? Implied that a priest was going to assault the reader, bad words, not descriptive death of parents, mentioned death of a baby, grief, so much sweetness and hurt comfort and hopefully laughs. I promise it's not as dark or sad as it sounds. Also some Grace bashing / group hate.

Word count: 6606 - may have gotten carried away...

Part 2

Tommy watched Lizzie closely as they approached the large building. According to his sources it housed around a hundred and fifty children, the building was large but it didn't seem that large. 

It was gray and rainy, much like every day. The dark dampness didn’t bother him as it had seeped into his bones and made a home long ago. At this point, he was convinced that the sunlight would simply cause him to turn to ashes if it ever reached his skin. 

Lizzie looked nervous but that was expected, he felt beyond nervous. Suddenly hoping she would change her mind altogether. Children were overrated, he would know having raised Finn and half of John's kids. But after her she lost the baby, he would do anything to bring some happiness to her. He knew he wasn't the best husband, but he was trying to do better every day. 

Walking up the steps a voice in his mind started to remind him that he would only be bringing this baby into a world of danger and horror. Only going to ruin them so no God would allow them refuge. He pushed them down as best he could, reaching out to hold Lizzie’s hand. She looked taken back at the gesture, another thing wrong with them. Wrong with the situation. 

They were escorted in to look at the babies. They were just as expected, plump, cute, and small. Tommy tried not to look at them too close, no point in getting attached. Lizzie would pick a baby, and he would attempt to be a good father. 

He hated that he knew what it felt like to reach out for parents that were not there to hold you. He was sulking when a commotion caught his attention. 

“For Fucks sakes woman! ” A girl shouted. 

“You listen here. Father Stryker is a noble member of this community and organization. You will do what he asks of you.” A woman responded in a cold tone. 

“We both know that’s not what God would want you old bat.” The girl snapped back and he held back a smile. 

“Now you listen here, we do not know what God wants, that’s not our place. He has a way -” 

“No, he sure as hell doesn't. God would NEVER.” The girl demanded. “I thought God was in all of us, and GOD doesn't want me to be alone with him. In fact, I would say he’s overcome with passion about the issue. It would be a sin for me to ignore his protests.” 

“I will not tolerate such language, you foul girl!” The sound of a slap was dealt out. Tommy felt an odd feeling of unease about the situation. 

“You let this happen! You. And you will BURN FOR IT. Mark my words, you will suffer an eternity for his sins. There are no amount of crosses under the sun for Jesus to croak on that would make up for your grotesque choices you evil witch.” The girl's voice was pure venom, and Tommy was overcome with an urge to protect the girl. What type of place were they running here? 

“I want her,” Lizzie said clearly standing next to him looking at the Sister that was showing them around. 

“Sorry Mrs. Shelby ?” She asked looking for clarification. 

“The girl in the hall.” He looked at Lizzie landing her eyes on a girl that must have been about 15 standing off with the nun in the hallway. Her face was beet red, making her blue eyes seem extraordinarily bright in contrast,  her fists clenched ready for a fight of any size. That girl did not care what happened, she wasn't going to back down. 

“Ah, are you sure? She’s quite temperamental.” She responded looking embarrassed. 

“Excellent, I’ve never seen anyone look so much like my husband,” Lizzie said with a smirk on her face.  

“We’ll take her. And I’d like a word with management.” He asserted firmly. This was not the sort of thing he could look the other way on, plus it would only further the family image. Win-win. 

______________________________

Another sister came into the hallway. 

“Sister Margret, she has been requested by a family.” She said quickly. 

You were positive this must be some type of trap. But a tall angular woman moved into the hallway. She looked like someone from a painting, impossibly pretty, elegant, clothes worth a small fortune. This was impossible. 

The sister grabbed your arm and pulled you away from that bitch. Far away from the classroom you were terrified of. 

The lady looked you up and down and removed the sister's hand from your arm. She shot her a warning look and the sister apologized. Whoever this woman was, she meant business. 

“I’m Lizzie, Lizzie Shelby.” She said in a voice that belonged on a stage. You introduced yourself feeling embarrassed. 

“We’d like to take you home if you're alright with that.” She asked holding her arm out. Normally you didn’t like being touched for any reason, but being escorted out of the place was a good enough reason for you to make an exception. 

You looped your arm in hers and she strode out of the place with her head held high. 

“The Paperwork -” The sister called out 

“Get my husband to deal with it.” She called back, her voice dripping with power. You accompanied her into a very expensive car. You sat in the back seat beside her and watched her take in your appearance as if it had changed being in the natural light. 

“Do you read?”  She asked you lighting a cigarette.

“I had a tutor before my parents died.” 

“How did they pass?” 

“Car accident.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Me too.” 

“We’ll expect you to go to school.” 

“You’d be a shit parent if you didn't.” You mentally kicked yourself. “Sorry I -didn't” You were stumbling over an apology as the door opened and a man got into the driver's seat. 

“That’s my husband. Thomas.” 

“Hello,” You said feeling completely deflated. “It’s nice to meet you, both of you, It’s nice.” You couldn't remember a time being so embarrassed. You wished that they would just run you over with their expensive tires. There were just too many emotions in such a short period. 

An hour ago a priest was forcing himself on you, telling you God would never allow you to get adopted, and here you were making a fool out of yourself with your new parents. 

That phrase stung so bad you visually imagined pushing it from your mind.

“Did you sort the paperwork?” Lizzie asked in a frosty tone that made you wonder what their relationship problems were like. 

“That and a few other things.” He responded in a tone you assumed only ghosts were capable of. 

“Like what?” She said looking out the window with resentment. 

“Taking the place over.” He responded easily. As if it was no big deal, like spending money on petrol for the car. 

“What do you mean?” This caught her off guard and you watched a bit of hopefulness come to life in her eyes. 

“Saw things.” He hesitated, obviously aware of your presence in the car. “That I didn’t think God would approve of.” You caught a slight smirk on his face in the mirror. His eyes told you it was easier to poke fun at the situation. 

Lizzie hummed in approval, and even though you’d only known them a few minutes it felt like progress. 

_______

They wanted to give you a few days to settle in before introducing you to the whole family. Something you saw as a bit of a red flag. The house was massive, but it was clean and quiet. Both a blessing and a curse. You were too shy to ask for something to do or go explore. Your bedroom was unbelievably beautiful, and warm. 

There was a knock on the door that caused you to jump. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I come in?” Lizzie’s voice rang through the door. 

“Of course” You responded stiffly. She came in and smiled at you, she pointed to your bed but you didn't understand what she was looking at. Should you not have been laying on it during the day? 

“Is it alright if I sit?” She asked you and you realized that’s what she meant. 

“Yes!” You sat up straight feeling like an idiot once again. You’d had to sit through two dinners each equally painful due to your rambling. 

“How are you settling in?” She asked kindly. 

“Um, fine. It’s nice. I love my room.” 

“What do you get up to in here?” She looked around with a frown. 

“Mostly sitting and thinking.” You responded blandly. 

“Are you sure I can’t take you shopping for anything?” She’d asked at least three times, and you felt horrible imposing on them further. 

“I don't want to bother you.” You finally broke. She let out a strange laugh. 

“Bother me. All the time. Big stuff little stuff, doesn't matter.” She picked a piece of lint off of your bedspread. “Plus kids cost money you know. That’s no one's fault, so don’t carry it like a burden.” 

Your eyes stung with tears. That was not the narrative you had grown up with parents or none. You’d always been acutely aware of the burden your existence placed on people. Her words made you feel like you were special, not something your parents could give you. This brought on a very large mix of feelings. 

“Don’t cry, really all this is-”  Her face appeared displeased with your reaction and it only made your hurt more. 

“Normal. Not for me, it’s not. If you wanted a kid that was used to this you should have had one yourself.” the words flew out of your mouth and she was up and out of the room before you could try to apologize. You felt so much worse, you wanted to pull out all your hair trying to make it stop. 

You stopped trying to hold the tears back and got up off your bed to apologize. An embarrassing apology was better than them shipping you back. 

You followed the sound of her soft crying sounds. Through a door that was slightly ajar. It was a beautiful nursery. They had tried to have their little spoilt children, the guilt only became worse. 

You locked eyes with her and decided the truth was always best. 

“You treat me better than my parents. But they're dead and it hurts. I don't want to bother you both, it's already some kind of miracle that I got adopted at this age, I don't want to push my luck. Or live through you getting bored of me and then tossing me aside.” 

For a moment you thought she was going to shout at you. But she just nodded in understanding. You both were crying, so why not try to risk a hug. You got down on the sheep skin rug next to her and hugged her. 

Her grief wrapped around you with her slender arms. She pushed your face against her chest and kissed the top of your head. You didn't understand, but the hurt in her felt a lot like the hurt inside of you. So you leaned into the feeling crying just as hard. 

“I lost her. She was born and - nothing anyone could do about it.” She said after a long while. The thought made your heart break all over again. “They told me I couldn't have kids. Spent years avoiding it like it was the plague and now, God it hurts.” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“I’m sorry for you too. My dad left before I was born, mother passed when I was 13. Prostitute till I was twenty.” She let out a sad laugh. “This life.” She motioned to the house with her arm. “Is not the life I came from and my husband doesn't have much. But he has money, so don’t ever feel bad for spending it.” You looked up at her in shock. There was no way she was telling the truth. She looked like she belonged in a palace like you wanted to trust her with the whole world. So elegant, kind eyes. 

“We’re the same then” you whispered. 

“Absolutely not!  If you become a prostitute I will have officially become the worst mother in history.” She said causing you both to laugh. 

“I’m not good with people.” You joked along. Tommy pushed the door open and you stiffened slightly. No matter how you tried to calm down, he made you uneasy. Like he would be impossible to please or get to know.

“It’s not a whore house?” He said with a confused look having caught the end of the conversation. You’d never seen a man look more confused as the both of you were tear-soaked holding each other on the floor. 

“Not anymore it's not.” Lizzie quipped causing him to almost smile. You wondered what made him so stuck up.

“Good lord, how did you guys make all this money again?” You asked cheekily, causing Lizzie to laugh. 

“Just you wait.” She said lightly, but you couldn't help but know already that it was not God’s work that placed them here.

“Come down for lunch?” he asked you both, still slightly put off by the situation. 

“Yes” she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands, you watched her walls of composure surround her once again. 

“Come on. Let’s see how much trouble we can get in before supper.” She said helping you up. 

_____________________________

You stopped by to pick up people on the way to the shops. 

“We’ll get Esme first. She’s John’s wife. Tommy’s younger brother - he made a deal with the Lee family - a bunch of gypsies - Tommy needed men, and she needed a husband. Technically I almost married John. It was a complicated time. But they both get along like a house on fire. She holds him down pretty good, probably the only reason he’s still alive.” You listened as she drove you through the countryside. “Then we’ll get Polly. She’s Tommy’s Aunt. She probably goes up against him the most. She’s some kind of Gypsy royalty, a very peculiar woman, but she means well. Hated Tommy’s first wife Grace. Well, we all hated Grace. Us women tend to stick together. We have to put up a good front against the boys or they raise hell like nothing else.” 

“You’re all gangsters then?” You asked her catching her slightly off guard. 

“Technically he’s a gangster turned politician. But trust me having been on the receiving end of both there really isn't a difference.” 

You blushed at her words and tried to hold your tongue. 

“I shouldn't have said that last part.” She flicked her cigarette case open and lit one up. “Forget I said that.” but you started laughing. You pulled up to a country-style house, chickens squawking loudly at the car engine. 

“Oi! That is not a baby!” A woman with wild curly hair approached the car. She slid into the backseat and you felt awkward sitting in the front. You looked at her looking you over. “Total babe, but not a baby.” She said with wide eyes in disbelief.

“She’s fifteen,” Lizzie responded looking at you like you were a brand new car. 

“Good lord. Going to have to beat the boys off of her. She’s pretty like you.” 

You blushed heavily at her words unsure of what to do with the attention. 

“Eh, as long as we keep her close I think we’ll manage just fine.” Lizzie smiled and turned the car around. 

“I’m Esme, I’m sure Lizzie caught you up to speed.” She lit a cigarette and smiled at you as you introduced yourself. She asked you lots of questions, about how you liked the place. 

“It’s cold. You can say it, love.” Esme blurted out. “It’s a monument to Grace. Should have been burnt down the second she left us.” You could tell this was a part of the stormy ocean of problems that rested between your adopted parents. You put that piece of knowledge into your back pocket. You pulled up to a stylish-looking complex and a woman in a black suit and sunglasses approached the car. 

“I was going to offer to babysit for you when you need a rest - but by the looks of it I’ll be asking you for help, love.” 

“How many kids do you have?” You asked while you waited. 

“Too fuckin’ many,” Polly responded climbing into the back seat. “I thought you asked Tommy for a baby, not a miniature replica of yourself?” 

“Come off it Pol,” Lizzie said starting the car. 

“I’m serious, I thought I was seein’ a bloody ghost. I’ve known you since you were the size of a potato, when I say she looks just like ya, I fuckin’ mean it.” 

You looked at Lizzie and wished you looked even a fraction of how beautiful she was. 

“How's he managing with this then? He was always good with the kids when they were little but I can’t imagine he’d know what to do with her.” Polly said stealing Esme’s cigarette. 

“Eh, like everything else, he’s adjusting.” Everyone seemed to find this funny. 

“You look at me, that boy gives you any trouble you call me alright. I’ll set him straight.” She was strong like Thomas but soft like Lizzie, and something distinctly her own. You could tell she was in charge. 

“Thank you.” You said sheepishly unsure of what else to say. 

“You're welcome, love,” She said kindly. 

Shopping was a lot. You cried on the way home and they had a unique way of comforting you while also making fun of you, making you laugh. Once you started laughing with them it seemed impossible to stop. You assumed that you would all pile into the sitting room, but instead, you piled into the kitchen, which quickly became your favorite space in the house. A large wooden table surrounded by something that felt so perfectly warm. Grace clearly didn’t touch this space much. 

They poured you cranberry juice and set into a bottle of whiskey. The jokes got worse as the night progressed and for once your sharp tongue and misplaced comments brought a great deal of joy. 

“Where did you find this girl!” Esme said between laughs 

“Fighting off a Nun in a hallway,” Lizzie replied still laughing from the joke before. Tommy and you assumed his brothers appeared in the doorway.

“Wow, Looks like you Lizzie, but with Tom’s eyes” John said, or you thought it was him because he went to stand behind Esme and she looked up at him in a way you hadn't seen before. 

“And his mouth.” Esme quipped and you hoped it was a compliment. He reached across the table to shake your hand. 

“John” 

“It’s nice to meet you” You introduced your self. Arthur came and gave you a crushing hug. 

“They got you out numbered now brother.” He joked letting you go to pour himself a glass of whiskey.

Tommy gave you a tense look, like he was worried about something. He took the seat next to you puting space between you and the boys. 

“Might be enough women to put some life back into this place.” Polly said with twinkling eyes. 

“I’ll try my best.” You responded quickly seeing that Tommy didn’t seem happy. 

He stuck close to your side, sliding glasses of Whiskey away from you as the boys started drinking. His youngest brother was only a few years older than you, and he showed up with a bunch more men that introduced themselves politely before joining into the savagery. 

You scooted your self along the bench to sit closer to Tommy not knowing the others well enough to want to sit as close. 

“Thank you, Lord, for blessing us with such a wonderful girl! May she shine bright for us in these dark times. To the newest Shelby!” Arthur’s voice boomed and your face turned bright red. Everyone finished a drink, but you caught Lizzie and Tommy sharing a look. 

Tommy put his arm around and you were grateful to have something to lean into with all the commotion. They were the loudest and rudest, most funny group of people you’d ever seen. 

“Think it’s time for bed, eh?” He asked you quietly and you nodded. 

“Alright! Clear out you lot. She’s got to get to bed. We can have a proper dinner tomorrow night!” Tommy called out causing a few groans. 

“But we just got here!” Finn mumbled.

Everyone said their goodbyes and goodnights to you moving out of the kitchen. Polly placed a kiss to your forehead. She said something in a different language, to which Tommy responded with a sharp nodd. 

Once everyone had piled out the front door, they took you up to your room. You hit the bed feeling more tired than you could ever remember.

_________________________________________

You slowly became more at ease around Tommy. Sitting alone at the table didn’t frighten you nearly as much. You heard him shout at people occasionally and that made you determined to keep your distance. 

It wasn't until Lizzie stayed away for a night getting stuck at Esme’s due to a storm. You assured her that you ate dinner and that everything was fine. In reality, you'd been sitting by the front window praying for her to come back. You hated storms and you’d just trusted that she’d be there and know what to do about it. 

Eventually you decided to retreat to your room to avoid any conflict. 

“Goodnight.” You poked your head into his study. 

“Night, love.” He responded kindly looking up from his papers. You thought about bothering him for a moment, telling him that you were scared. You decided to slip up to your bedroom instead. Girls your age didn't get scared of these types of things. 

Without Lizzie, there was an impending sense of doom about the place. Like there was pressure pushing down on you. Listening to things creak and shift, you had an idea that maybe without Lizzie here Grace’s ghost would try to snatch you up. 

Laying there listening to the storm and the house, your mind cooked up a story of revenge. Grace would kill you to get back at Lizzie for stealing her mourning husband. Maybe that’s why Lizzie’s baby wasn't born right. Your heart started to race as your stomach twisted.

There must have been some deeper story, Lizzie always seemed like she was very hurt by Grace, despite having come into Tommy’s life after. But Polly’s known Lizzie since she was a baby….

Questions were swirling in your mind non stop trying to make sense of it all. Your door made a horrid sscreeching sound and you let out a scream in response, pulling the blankets up above your head. 

“LEAVE ME ALONE GRACE.” You shouted hoping that it was enough that you could see it was her this whole time. She’d be deterred by your cleverness and the quilt Polly had made you. 

The quilt was tugged away from your face and you balled your fists ready to fight her off. However you looked up at Tommy’s horrified face instead. 

“I don’t do well with storms” You blurted out hoping that would make it better. You both looked at eachother for a moment.

“Let’s make some tea.” He said firmly. You knew that you’d fucked up and the last thing you wanted to do was have tea over the situation. You got up and he pulled your quilt around you, keeping his hand on your shoulder as you moved down the stair case. 

You watched him light a fire in the kitchen and grab two glasses and fill them with whiskey. 

He passed one to you and sat across from you, he took off his glasses and placed them on the table.

“Why do you think my first wife is out to get you?” He cut right to the chase.

“I got scared of the storm, and Lizzie is trapped, Grace- it’d be the perfect opportunity to get revenge on Lizzie for stealing her mourning husband.” You rushed the words out wishing you were dead. Tommy actually chuckled.

“That’s the story you’d been told then?” 

“No, just the one that made sense.” 

“How so?” He took a sip of whiskey. 

“Everyone says this place is some kind of shrine for her, Lizzie hates it. Hates her, why exactly,  I’m not sure but I know it’s because she’s hurt.” 

“Lizzie is hurt by Grace?” He asked with a wrinkled brow, you didn't think he was capable of such emotions. 

“That’s obvious.” You said sadly. He made a humming noise.

“I didn’t intend to marry Lizzie. She got pregnant and I married her.” He answered easily, suddenly you were very angry at him. Happy he did right by her and married her but - 

“Doesn’t mean she hasn’t always loved you.” You argued. 

“Is that so?” 

“Obviously. Have you ever looked at her? This place, the family, everything, me. Obviously.” You were dumbfounded. How on earth could someone so smart and sharp be so daft. “She puts up with a lot of shit around here. Not once has she ever mentioned leaving or hating you.” 

“Perhaps I should talk to her about it.” 

“You’d better. Everywhere we go men look at her.” You said trying to scare him into doing the right thing. 

“I’m sure they do, she’s a pretty woman.” He answered tensly. Suddenly you started to worry that maybe he wont ever love her, and if that was the case he would certainly never learn to love you. Panic started to wash over you.

“Do you want to watch the storm then?” 

“How?” You answered even more uneasy. He got up and you followed him through to the dark sitting room. He pulled the curtains open adding the slitghtest bit of light to the room. You helped him turn the couch around to face the big window. 

You watched him pour more wiskey and sit down motioning for you to do the same. Wrapped in Polly’s quilt you sat next to him and he put his arm around your shoulders.

“The only way to stop being scared is to face the thing that scares you.” He explained easily. He held you close to his side as you watched the dark figures of trees swaying violently. The lightening causing you to jump. Eventually things calmed down but you found yourself wishing that it would continue on so you could spend more time sitting like this. He just sat with you tucked into his side sipping his whiskey. 

“ I do care for you and Lizzie. More than anything.” He kissed the top of your head. “Things in the past weren't always easy or safe. Keeping her at arm's length seemed like the best way to keep her from ending up like Grace.” 

You listened to his voice in the dark, feelingthe pain in his words. 

“However, I would hate for her to leave me for a man at the shops.” He said lightly and you snorted. 

“Sorry for overstepping - I didn’t mean that she looked back at them” 

“S’alright.” He answered easily. Suddenly you saw headlights coming up the drive. You felt his body tense. “Hide behind the desk,” he said seriously. He grabbed a gun hidden in the paneling on the wall. You could hear the door open and to your relief, you heard Lizzie’s voice. 

“Fuck sake, Thomas! A gun! Scared the bloody life out of me!” She started to scold him but suddenly she stopped. “Are you alright? Where is she?! I knew something was wrong! Where-” her voice was muffled and you assumed it was because he was holding her.

“She’s fine, in the sitting room” He answered calmly.

“The sitting room at this hour!” 

You got up and moved back to the couch hoping that they might sit with you a while longer before going up to bed. 

“Why is the couch the wrong way?” She asked sitting down pulling you against her. “Miss me enough to sit up at the window like a couple of dogs.” 

“Something like that.” You said enjoying the way she held you tightly. Tommy came to sit down on the other side of you. His arm came across your shoulders pulling Lizzie towards you slightly. 

“Did you give her whiskey? She smells like distillery.”

“One glass to calm her nerves, won’t hurt her any.” You felt him reach over you to kiss the top of her head. 

“Alright. But don’t you go turning into your father.” She said sternly causing you to laugh. 

You sat for a while with the them till eventually the gray sky started to brighten with the sun of the next day. 

“Let’s get to bed. We can all get in a nap before the day starts.” Tommy said. Lizzie followed you through to your room to help you into bed and make sure you were okay. After you were settled you heard them talking down the hall and hoped that he was ready to face his fears. 

The next day you all had breakfast around noon in the kitchen. Lizzie and Tommy seemed in better spirits, might have had something to do with the marks on her neck, but you hoped he’d talked to her about the situation. 

After that night things were noticeably different. You went to school and tried to get along with the other kids, your marks were not great, leading to long nights in the kitchen studying extra with various family members. Esme was the best person to sit with, having learned maths and reading from her mother. She knew how to encourage you without stressing you out. 

Tommy on the other hand would look over the material and already look stressed. He always tried to keep his temper in check, but it was unbearable feeling him be frustrated with you. Eventually he caught on that you did worse with him there because of the added pressure, he learned to just sit next to you and work on his problems and offer you help when you needed it. 

It took a lot of struggling but eventually you were caught up and getting good marks. 

Things were going well till some old business needed to be handled. Tommy was to go away for two weeks, something that seemed to crush Lizzie. 

To her surprise he called her everynight. You’d watch her sitting on kitchen counter talking and occasionally laughing. Then he’d talk to you about school and the weather, telling you that he missed you. That was when you realised that something must be very wrong. He was clearly in a great deal of danger where ever he was. Polly came to stay at the house with Arthur, you enjoyed having them around but it only confirmed your suspicion. Everyone seemd it was best to keep you in the dark on the whole thing. 

 When he came back he was very different. Somebody, or some people, were most certainly dead. A great relief fell over the family and something was different about him. He had a smile on his face when she rushed to the door to greet him. You watched how they held eachother and thought back to when you’d first met them. Things were very different. You eventually butted into the hug feeling left out. 

______________

Extra Blurb. 

Eventually the unthinkable happened. The boy you had your eye on at school asked you out. Not knowing what to do or what the rules are you decided to get some more information on him make sure he was worth the risk of asking. 

Finn laughed at you.

“Not from the best family. But not a rival either, Tommy’s sure to have a fit, and Lizzie, I’m not sure. All in all, I don't mind the guy, you might be better off not telling them.” He said looking out the stained glass window of the Garrison. “If he gives you a hard time, come see me yeah? Don’t let him take you out of Small Heath” He looked at you seriously. 

“Sure thing.” You said getting up. You shouted a thank you over your shoulder rushing out of the pub. 

You thought long and hard about the situation. He made you laugh, didnt seem to care to much about your last name or who your dad was. Didn’t care that you were adopted. He was very polite, but enjoyed your peculiar sense of humor and misplaced words. 

You thought about turning him down. It was too complicated and anything that would upset your parents was too much of a burden. Thinking of what you would say to him, your heart gave a painful wrench. 

You went downstairs towards Tommy’s study. God this boy better be worth it or you’d put him in the ground. 

You poked your head in to see him writing and Lizzie sitting on the sofa reading a magazine. 

“Erm - So.” You started and watched them both look up at you. 

“What are you wearing?” Lizzie said smiling at your dress. 

“Go upstairs and change” Tommy cut you off before you could respond.

“Theres a boy -” You watched his face fall into his hands. “And he’s picking me up in a half hour if that’s allowed.” You fumbled with your words, wanting them to say yes badly.

“What boy” They said at the same time, giving eachother a glare. 

“Noah Solomons. I met him at school.” you responded expecting an explosion. 

“No. absolutley not. No way on earth am I sending you anywhere with him.” 

“Finn said he’s alright.” You started by stopped once he let out a sigh. 

“Finn! Fucking bastard.” He pinnched the bridge of his nose. 

“Where is he taking you then?” Lizzie asked

“Just around Small Heath for dinner. I told him that I can’t be out late.” Your face got red and you looked out the window.

“Put on a longer dress. The purple one, and put your hair up -” 

“Tommy! Don’t make her wear the purple one” Lizzie started to argue but stopped once she saw the look on his face. Her eyes narrowed back at him. 

“How bout I wear the red one -” 

“The black one is fine” They both answered suddently. 

“Just put on a cardigan,” Lizzie said getting up. “I have a nice one upstairs.” You followed her up to her bedroom. She pulled out a nice cardigan and some less opaque stockings. After you’d changed you looked yourself over, more modest, but that wasn't a bad thing. Especially if it got Tommy’s blood pressure back down. Lizzie got your hair up and you were grateful for her help. 

“Do you think dad will let me go?” You asked as she fixed your make up. 

“Dont think he can stop you. But, we’ve done business with his father. I think he’s worried this is apart of some elaborate plan.” 

“I don’t think so, but I’ll keep an eye on him” You were even more nervous now. Lizzie gave you lots of advice and you felt bad making her this worried. When you walked down stairs you could see Tommy talking to Noah at the door. 

You loved the way his face lit up when his eyes landed on you, he looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing in the world. You watched the front door swing shut, keeping him on the other side. 

“No.” He said firmly looking at Lizzie.

“Going to have to let her find her own way sometimes.” 

“No I don’t. Not with boys, not dressed like that.” He responded angrily. 

“Look, I told Finn where we are going, he said him and Isaiah would be around to keep an eye out. I’ve known him for the past two school years. I - please” You looked up at him in what you hoped were puppy dog eyes. You saw the conflict rage in his eyes.

“Fine.” He sighed in defeat. “But you don’t like something, anything, you call me from the restaurant and -” You cut him off with a big hug. 

“I won’t be out too late. Love ya” You said flying out the door before he could change his mind. 

__

He kissed you on the cheek on the door step, promising to take you out again next weekend. After saying goodnight you watched as he drove down the drive way before opening the front door.

You were surprised at how quiet it was. You slipped your shoes off and followed the lamp light into the sitting room. Much like the day with the storm, they sat on the sofa turned around to face the large window. You moved towards them to see your dad looking beyond relieved, and mum asleep on his lap. 

“So how was it then?” He asked you handing you the last bit of whiskey in his glass. You sat down next to him, watching him look you over for anything out of place. 

“Felt a bit like the Queen to be honest. More Blinders than people in that restaurant. Not to mention people watching from their windows.” You gave him a look as he started out the window. “But he was nice. I -He is nice, I enjoyed myself”

“Just for food then straight back?” 

“You already know that’s what happened. Can you help me get the pins out of my hair?” You turned away from him and felt him struggle to find them, pulling slightly too hard. 

“What? No, this is my job hands off.” Lizzie said groggily. “What did I miss? Tell me everything.” You felt the two of them shift and Lizzie's expert hands start bringing your hair down. By the time she’d gotten it brushed Polly and Esme had showed up for a full debrief in the kitchen. 

You were giggling like mad for hours with them, hearing their stories about past lovers. Some sweet, other cautionary. Eventually it was time for bed and you stopped into Tommy’s office before going to wash up. 

“Dad.” He gave you a shocked look then you realised what you had said. You didnt feel like apologizing though, too tired to make a big deal of it. You leaned over and gave him a hug. “Thanks for letting me go tonight.” You felt his arms wrap around you tightly. 

“I don't like it, and there will be lots to talk about tomorrow. But I'm happy that you're happy.” You kissed his cheek then headed up to bed. You knew that he’d probably already called Noah’s father, a tense conversation awaited you, but you had no doubt it was because he loved you.

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[anonymooseforever007]

Just Like You

There’s an irony in innocence. It often leads those who’ve seen the least, to see more than anyone else… Word Count 7.3K Summary: In which things don’t go as expected when Lizzie takes young Y/N out for the day… 

Warnings: angst and fluff. Implications of child neglect from the reader’s mother in one section. Also this chapter goes a good bit into the like Lizzie’s job as a prostitute and the negative light it was usually seen in at the time, along with some self doubt and insecurities, reflection from Lizzie. I’m not sure if there is anything else though!

Hi y’all❤️ Here are the other part for those who want them! Once again you shouldn’t have to read them in order! Enjoy!

Series Masterlist    Main Masterlist

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Birmingham, June 19??

Lizzie was terrified in a way she had never been before. It was like someone had stripped her down and tossed her in the Cut in the middle of a winter blizzard. A constant string of knives being dragged across her chest would have been less painful than the increasing pounding in her chest, growing even more as each second passed. She had never felt fear like this before… and truthfully she never expected to.

After all, Lizzie Stark never expected children.

Because if one was honest, the last thing Lizzie ever expected, at least a few years ago, was to have to worry about was loosing a child. Because in her line of work children weren’t an option. In her line of work, you didn’t have a child, because having a child meant you could not work. And as much as Lizzie may have wanted a family, as much as it was a dream of hers deep down to find someone who loved her and live life comfortably, that wasn’t an option for her. Or a least she didn’t think so….not right now. That dream was shoved down long ago. Back in a small tight corner in the back of her mind, that she only dared glance at when she had too many glasses of alcohol and no one scheduled for the night. A dream smothered out the day she realised, that if Lizzie ever wanted survive, she’d have to user more than just her knowledge to get by.

Once that became clear, a future of children became more fogged. More distant and irrevocably less plausible. And with time Lizzie though she had begun to accept that fact. It was something that life would never give her, and since she didn’t see herself in a position where she could take it, well she just had to deal with the cards she was given.

So Lizzie never though she’d feel the heart wrenching agony of reaching back for that smaller hand, and finding only air. Reaching back for one of the most precious things in her life, only out of sight for a second….just to fine it gone. As if what was most cherished, was never there to begin with.

But there she was, reaching back and turning around…nothing. As she searched with wide eyes around the bustling crowd for the smaller head of familiar hair, light blue dress,and backpack full of random items she still saw nothing.

Lizzie had lost her little girl. She had lost her little gem.

And Thomas Shelby was going to kill her for it. He was going to kill her for losing his daughter….

Only HIS daughter, not Lizzie’s…

Because the little girl lost wasn’t actually Lizzie’s. Lizzie Stark didn’t give birth to the child she was so desperately searching for. She didn’t feel the chilling panic of a missed monthly, bolstered by the knowledge of a drunken night out a few weeks ago.She didn’t spend months over a bowl with the morning sickness, unable to keep anything down. She didn’t have to go to three different shops a few weeks later, in order to find dresses that would fit her growing belly. She didn’t stand at the front of the church for the marriage, prepared in less than a week, and she didn’t scream on the bed only a few months later (but still one too soon) as the dangerously small child saw first light. Breathed her first breath and opened her small eyes to see the world. Lizzie never did any if these things and so (according to general society) the girl wasn’t Lizzie’s. No matter the number of things that may have defined it otherwise….and no matter what either party wished others wise either.

The little girl was however Tommy’s. She was Tommy’s and she always would be no matter how far they were apart of how long it had been since they had seen each other. After all, she was Y/N. Tommy’s Y/N who had been one of the brightest light in his life after her birth just over 8 years ago. It was rare for the people of Small Heath to see him with a glaring frown on his face, anytime he was observed walking down the street with small girl. Often side by side, and almost always with her hand in his, forcing it to swing back and forth as she talked. Y/N liked to hold her father’s hand or at least wrap hers around the fingers that would fit in her small palm. And everyone knew that. Just as everyone knew y/n was Tommy’s and any who dared to even think of harming her would face a fate worse than death. That’s how it always was, and that’s how Small Heath world be.

But Tommy wasn’t here right now. Nor were any of his brothers (bar the youngest) or most every other man who walked the gloomy streets of Small Heath almost two years ago. After all there was a war going on. Almost every man who was able bodied (and a few who weren’t) had been shipped to distant nations to fight. Wether they were sent by choice or not didn’t matter as the the likely hood of them coming back at all seemed slimmer everyday.

And everyday it seemed more and more of those dammed letter came, leaving behind a trail of grief and tears with a few simple letters in faded ink.

It had been just over two year since the men were sent to and in those two years much had already changed. And the change could be seen in not just the men who did return (often more broken than whole) but also through the inhabitants of the city itself, left behind to thrive or sink with little help from the ones who actually could provide support.

Those left behind, mostly being the women and children of Small Heath learned to adapt to their situation over time. When the men went to war, it was the women who took up their posts. Running the stores, and the factories, and the betting shops, and filling in the empty spaces a much as they could.

And fill they did. It may have been a rocky start but soon enough Small Heath was back on it’s already unstable feet, and life continued, with tears and laughter, Joy and sadness, life and death. Just as there always was even if it was sometimes buried deep underneath the factory fog.

But despite Thomas Shelby’s absence and the change to the city brought by the war, Lizzie had no doubt the terrible consequences that would emerge from loosing Tommy’s daughter. Even if they were only delayed.

Not that the woman cared about what Tommy would want do to her at the moment. Or at least them moment when he would return….If he were to return.

No, Lizzie’s current anguish was all her own, as everything inside her screamed wildly for losing something so important.

Important, not to Tommy or his family or even the rest of Small Heath. But for losing something so important to herself.

Because over the years Lizzie had grown selfish and she didn’t mind admitting it. Having worked so hard and yet still gaining so little, she often found herself covering the few things she did have close. She’d admit that she’d don’t things she wasn’t proud of, things she didn’t necessarily want to do, and things she wish she never did. But Lizzie would also admit that she’d do them again. She’d do them again if it meant she could survive. That’s all she’d been trying to do for a. While now, just survive. Survive and turn the worlds unfair clutches in her favor so that even if the tree of life bared little first her way, she may still get a small piece.

So Lizzie was selfish and she’d readily admit it, because in her mind being selfish mean she could survive. It also mean she was more protective of what she already had, not wanting to loose even a little bit of good in her life.

Even if that little bit was a small girl who didn’t share even a small drop of blood. A small girl who, in the eyes of the world, didn’t belong to Lizzie even in the smallest bit. Not even if it was Lizzie who took her and Finn to the Park while Polly was busy, or Lizzie who dragged the girl and Finn back from the park by their ears when they were found playing at the park far past hours safe for a child to be out (especially in Small Heath). Not if it was Lizzie who bandaged the girl’s scrapped up hand, in a faded kitchen with mismatched plates on the wall, after she had tried to do a one handed kart wheel on a couch. Or if it was Lizzie who walked the girl and her uncle Finn (and even the girl’s niece sometimes) to the small school on the end of the block every morning, leaving them at the gates, only to pick them up after school every day.

The world didn’t care if it was Lizzie who listened to the girl’s every quick spoken story, even those that had to be restated a few times over when the girl lost her train of thought (which happens rather often) The world didn’t care that Lizzie was the one nudging the the girl at Easter service, with a soft yet stern look to pay attention to Jeremiah, instead of illustrating whatever Bible story caught her interest that day (Jeremiah still has that Bible filled with doodles, he says they make the book even better). The world didn’t care if Lizzie was the one who’s hand the girl held while walking down the street, while her own was swinging back and forth in time with the girl’s speed.

It didn’t matter what Lizzie did, or how much she listened, or how much she cared for the little girl. It didn’t matter that the girl saw Lizzie more often than her own mother, or that when faced with who would take her out, Lizzie was the first choice.

For the world, Lizzie’s impact on the girl didn’t matter, and Lizzie would never be the girl’s mother, if only because Lizzie’s name wasn’t on the girl’s birth certificate.

But Lizzie didn’t care what the world though, because the world didn’t care what she thought. And Lizzie made no effort to stop seeing the girl even when the girl’s mother (by the world’s terms) tried to make it so.

Because Lizzie was selfish and she didn’t mind admitting it at all. She had to be selfish if she wanted to survive and she had to be selfish is she wanted to protect what she cared for. If being selfish meant keeping the little good in her life close, then selfish she would be.

And as in such selfishness, Lizzie would fight fiercely for what she cared for, and though she may not have been a soldier or a blinder, she would hesitate to bring wrath upon those who hurt what was hers.

That wrath was being dealt out now, dealt on the person so ignorant, so unobservant, so unfathomably useless, that they couldn’t even keep track of a child in a market. That wrath, as strong a storm from Poseidon’s Triton was being dealt out just now.

And it was being dealt on Lizzie herself.

Truthfully, she wished it could be dealt harder. If Lizzie Stark believed in Hell, she would have wished for its mercy right now. In comparison to how she felt the fires of hell would have been cold relief to the agony inside Lizzie’s heart.

See, Lizzie had agreed to take Y/N to the market for the day and then to the park while Polly was taking care of Ada and Finn. The younger two Shelby siblings had both come down with a small cold while splashing in puddles a few days earlier.

Well…. Finn and Y/N were splashing, Ada who had deemed herself “too old for puddle play” spent most of the time trying (and failing) to not be splashed by the two children. However, despite her declaration, Ada couldn’t help but deal out “just retaliation” on those who splashed her. And so at the end of the day, Polly’s call of dinner was greeted by three young Shelby’s wearing smiles as wide as their clothes were wet. But such fun also lead to sniffles as now both Ada and Finn had been condemned to the house under Polly’s care for the next few days.

Martha had actually been the first one, Polly asked to watch Y/N for a few days, to lessen the chance of the girl herself getting sick, but Martha was busy dealing with her own sick children. It appeared that Katie and the twins (James and Matthew) had their own splash party the day before as well, leaving Martha to care for three sick children of her own.

And as usual Marie was no where to be seen. She had gone out the door early in the morning without a wave to the family, and only briefly acknowledging her young daughter’s shout of “Bye Mum!” as the door shut. Not that Marie would have been Polly’s choice to watch Y/N anyway, the two never got along. Whether it was became of Marie’s careless attitude for her husband or often blant ignorance in general, the two never saw eye to eye. Though with the men leaving it had gotten slightly better (emphasis on slightly), and Marie actually spent a few fleeting hours helping in the shop every now and then, neither woman was the other’s best friend. Or even friend in general for that matter. 

As much as she tried it hide it for the children, Polly felt an deep ache in her heart every time her sweet-hearted great niece smiled brightly and tried to tell her mother about her day or include the woman in their game, no matter how rare it was for the affection to be reciprocated (if it ever was). Every time it happened there was an ache in Polly’s heart and a burning anger as well aimed at a woman who could take such a child for granted. Especially when Polly would do anything to even know her own two children were still alive.

But seeing as the issue of Marie was not likely to be resolved anytime soon, Polly had been stumped on what to do. She didn’t want to leave the eight year old girl to her own devices, but she also didn’t want to let Y/N around her sick family.

Because if Tommy’s daughter got sick, everyone was in for hell. Not because Y/N was rude or wild when she was sick, in fact, the family could always tell then Y/N wasn’t feeling well because she got quieter and didn’t fidget like usual. If she was sick the family could finally have a meal at the table without the thing constantly shaking, from her bouncing leg the entire time, or she wouldn’t start a game of “surprise hide and seek” when bed was announced. No, when Y/N Shelby was sick she didn’t get rude or wild, but that didn’t mean it was fun for anyone.

While Y/N was a girl who took every physical trait from her mother, Polly couldn’t help but see an identical version of Tommy when Y/N was sick. Because when Y/N was sick she tended to fight it. And no I don’t mean fight the sickness itself, but rather the very idea that she was sick. It was as if she believe that by pretending she was alright, she would magically be healed, and whenever ailed her had no further affect. To Y/N, if she pretended she wasn’t sick, then she obviously wasn’t and could do what she wanted right? (Sounds familiar, huh Mr. self-medicated-a-cracked-skull-with-horse-cocaine? Wonder where she got that)

When Y/N was sick she did everything in her power to convince people she wasn’t sick, especially if it meant getting out of taking medicine. For a girl who usually went along with many ideas, often content to go with the flow, NO ONE would get her to take medicine (let’s not even start with shots either). The only time her father every truly got stern with her, was when he was ordering her to drink the berry flavored poison from the small spoon.

A small standoff would occur every time, with both father and daughter wearing the same hardened stare that could send shivers down many a grown man’s back, but neither breaking eye contact. If there was ever any doubt that Y/N was Tommy’s child, it would have been bashed always immediately in the presence of the stand off. None who watched could ever be sure if the impending winner. The dangerous, temperamental, and dark haired gang leader, who still work the clothes he had been shot at in that day. OR the man’s young daughter with a small lisp, two missing teeth, and wearing a purple nightgown with a worn teddy bear in one arm and book of fairy tales in the other.

Eventually, Tommy would start counting down from five. By three the pouting lip was already out, then came two with the small displeasured whine. Finally, by one and a quarter, a full flood of tears would be running down the younger’s face, not because she was afraid of what her dad would do to her, but still unnerved by the idea of making him mad. As such is the life of a Daddy’s girl, who idolizes her father’s very movement.

Soon after (usually) the stand off would end with Y/N begrudgingly taking the thick concoction and tossing it in her mouth with a pout in her face, before she would take the glass of water provided for her and dramatically gag over the sink as she washed out the aweful taste. Then after a a few words praising her “smart decision”, her father would wrap his arms around her, rubbing her back and playing with the small pieces of her hair, until the pouting girl would uncross her arms and eventually reciprocate the hug. After all, it wasn’t like she was truly mad at her father, she just felt he should witness her displeasure a bit longer. The rest of the night would go smoothly and the family would be content…at least until it would be time for the morning medicine…

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AND so that is why it was good for Polly and the family to that Y/N hadn’t gotten sick. Seeing as Tommy was still gone and no one else could ever convince Y/N to take medicine when sick,  Polly wanted to keep it that way as long as possible.

While contemplating the idea of leaving Y/N with Uncle Charlie for the day, Lizzie had showed up. And like an Angel bearing the dirty coat Finn had left on the sidewalk, Lizzie had agreed to take Y/N out for the day. While she wouldn’t have minded letting the young girl spend the night at her apartment too, Polly wanted her back later that night to possibly bring a basket of food across the road to Martha, so that neither woman had to leave her sick charges. Lizzie also thought back on it and realized that she also didn’t want Y/N to be in her apartment if a client showed up that night despite it being her day off. She didn’t want to risk the girl’s safety if someone didn’t take to kindly to being told to come back. Besides, it was actually quite often these days that Lizzie found herself spending time with the Shelby’s on her day off. If it was helping Polly order papers in the betting shop or doing some chores so Martha could get off her feet or watching Finn and Y/N so they wouldn’t get in too much trouble, or even occasionally helping Ada write a letter to her “mystery soldier” as Polly called him. Lizzie was there and not just because she enjoyed the jobs the Shelby’s gave her instead of she own or because they often paid better.

Y/N was of course ecstatic to spend the day with Lizzie, the girl often migrated towards the older woman when she was around. Y/N quickly grabbed her backpack already filled with random items such as pencils, nuts, a wrench, a few blocks and a worn stuffed bear before heading over to grab Lizzie’s hand to leave. Yelling goodby across the kitchen to Finn and Ada in the next room (an action that wouldn’t have passed Polly if not for the sickness) Y/N and Lizzie stepped out of the house.

And so the two had set off, hand in hand down the street, promising Polly to bring back some soup for the Finn and Ada as well.

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Only a few steps into the journey, Y/N had decided to walk along the (thankfully empty) street curb and carefully step along the thin edge, balancing, as if she was on a tightrope. Of course, Lizzie refused to let go of her hand, so Y/N didn’t really have to worry about her own balance, but the girl still liked to test the limits of her pull by sometimes leaning further over the street (with a grin on her face and eyes on her protector) so that the only thing stopping she from falling into the lane was the woman’s grip on her hand. It wasn’t a hard grip, but still enough to hold on to the girl if she were to slip. And when Lizzie decided Y/N was leaning too far, a quick put back towards the street would get the girl to her original balancing act. Every time time Lizzie pulled her back, Y/N would laugh and try to pull Lizzie to join her, with the woman only giving a small laugh of herself and the same excuse of not wanting to wear out her shoes.

Both of the pair knew this was false however, as only last week Y/N had convinced Lizzie to wear her shoes while they walked on the small wall over by the Cut. Y/N had insisted that walking on the wall, instead of by it, was the fastest way to the Charlie’s boat yard where Curly waiting there for a picnic. While Lizzie, seeing the street was too crowded to continuously walk along the side of the wall herself while holding the girl’s arm, gave in and decided to just get up there with her. Lizzie figured her reputation had already been “damaged” enough, so why should she care about people seeing her walk on a wall. It wasn’t her fault they didn’t have the brains to find a faster route. Besides the beaming smile on Y/N’s face when Lizzie got up there with her was enough to make the brunette woman willing to walk on a thousand more walls. Dammed how her shoes looked after.

Nevertheless, Lizzie let Y/N have her own fun this time. As the girl teetered along the edge of the street she spoke quickly, going on about her day, and her school work, and the boy down the street who had nice hair.

Soon enough the two of them had reached the market. Despite the clouds above and the percentage of the population currently away, the Small Heath Market was teeming with life. And that was where the trouble had begun.

Y/N had only been out of her sight for a second, when a group of school girls bumped into the pair as they made their way to the a small cafe for lunch. And instead of apologizing and moving to the side the girls had continued forward not realizing through their gossip that they had in fact split the duo up. Though that event only lasted a few seconds it was enough for Y/N to be swept away in the crowd. Inciting a panic in Lizzie like never before.

Around and around she turned desperately looking for the pair of eyes she found herself so often looking into. Nothing. All the while her hands reaching out as if to catch any lost children coming by, even if they weren’t hers. Nothing.

All the while it seemed as if the market had suddenly gotten more crowded and more busy. Voices became louder, brushes from strangers became more prominent, and the air seemed to get thicker as if all of the factories in the city had released their smog onto the shops. Lizzie didn’t know if she wanted to cry or scream. Maybe she’d do both. With tears in her eyes, Lizzie opened her mouth, ready to scream out Y/N’s name in hopes that even if the girl couldn’t see her, she wasn’t lost forever.

“Y/-“

The girl’s name had barely left Lizzie’s lips when another body came crashing into her, much more forcefully than the first time and with much more intent.

Arms wrapped around Lizzie with such force if she hadn’t already lost her breath she would have now. Squeezing tight and not letting go, gripping onto Lizzie with such force, any more and bruised would begin to form. And the crash had happened so suddenly, Lizzie wasn’t sure what happened at first. No this body did not accidentally crash into Lizzie’s, this one was here with a purpose. This body wouldn’t not let go until it had what it wanted….

“Lizzie, Hi Lizzie, Hi Lizzie, I lost you… I cou-“

Connected to the tight arms around Lizzie’s wait was a small body connected to a familiar head of hair wearing a light blue dress. Lizzie couldn’t see the face buried so tightly in her abdomen, but she knew only one person who it could be.

Y/N. Her little gem.

Registering who was nestled tightly onto her, Lizzie didn’t hesitate to to wrap her arms around the girl in return. If it hadn’t been for Y/N’s unwavering grip, Lizzie would have kneeled down on the ground to give the girl a more proper hug.

Still mumbling about how she had lost Lizzie, Y/N only held the woman tighter, the girl’s soft voice wavering and muffled. Her hands were opening and closing on the back of Lizzie’s dress, repeatedly grasping it as if to prove that Lizzie was in fact still there. Lizzie realised the sudden chaos had overwhelmed the little girl a bit, and bowed her head as close to the little girl’s ear as she could whispering comforting words while using a free hand to softly run her fingers in the girl’s hair. She also repeated the girl’s greeting, knowing sometimes when Y/N would loose her train of thought she’d resort to just a simple greeting again as if it could get the words flowing again.

“Hi Y/N , Hi Y/N, It’s ok Y/N, It’s ok. I’m here, you found me and I’m not letting go. Do you hear me sweetheart? I’m not going to lose you. I’ll always find a way to get to you I promise.”

Soft words spoken in a tone, Lizzie honestly wasn’t use to using, as she felt the girl start to calm down. Neither knew how long they stood there holding each other before Y/N finally pulled back from her protector. Still not letting go, but standing back enough that the tip of their toes were barely touching. Teary eyes looking at the ground, Y/N spoke,

“I thought I lost you, I got scared.”

Lizzie gently brought up her hand and lifted the girl’s chin with a small smile, able to do so now that everything felt peaceful again around her.

“That’s ok, it’s not you fault yeah. It’s not your fault you got lost. Everything’s going to be ok. Now if you’re still a little scared we can go back to your house if you’d like? Or we can just go straight to the park, we don’t have to stay here anymore.”

With a final sigh Y/N moved so that she could hold Lizzie’s hand, leaning her head slightly into the older woman’s arm.

“No…. It’s ok, we can still get lunch, Aunt Polly gave me extra money so we can both get some sweets too!”

“Sweets! Well come on then! What do you say we get those first? Then we can have those while we wait for our lunch. But we have to keep it a secret from Polly.”

At Lizzie’s attempt to further lighten the mood, Y/N’s eyes lit up and a small laugh bubbles up. Both were sure that Polly would find out about their secret mission to have sweets then “real food” as they made their way in the crowd once again. This time with a better grip on each other.

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It wasn’t until about half an hour (and TWO bags of sweets) later when waiting for their lunch that the two started up conversation again. Evidently both had been shook up by the event and though Y/N made small comments and laughed at the stories Lizzie used to distract her, the woman could tell she was still a bit nervous. Especially when Y/N choose to sit in the seat right next to her for lunch instead of across like she usually did.

Because even if Y/N loved to hang on people she was close to, the girl still quite enjoyed her personal space. She often like to pull out the items in her back pack and spread them out as if making a little bubble just of her own. And while she wouldn’t necessarily tell one off for getting in her bubble (the desire to be “friendly” greater than the one for space), she might still have been seen scooting a few bits further. This also tended to happen after something that was just a lot for the girl had happened. It was as if being in her own little space let her find her train of thought again.

Now though, it seemed like the brief separation was enough to make Y/N push off her bubble a bit longer. They sat side by side, in a booth near the window, with Y/N closest to the window, their arms barely brushing each other. Neither wanting to further encroach the other’s space but neither minding if it were to happen.

Eventually after settling down in their spots to wait, it seemed Y/N had finally found her voice again. Eyes passing to Lizzie, but still darting away every now and then at a new distraction, Y/N spoke.

“Hey Lizzie?”

Lizzie looked down and smiled at the girl, Her eyes never leaving the child. Not again. She was still kicking herself for those brief few moments and it was a good thing Lizzie didn’t have to work tonight, she doubted she’d be able to focus.

“Hey Y/N?”

“I just thought of this. Do you want to know what we talked about in school the other day?”

“What did you talk about?”

Y/N briefly averted her gaze again, feet swinging back and forth now, only hesitating for a second before she began to speak again.

“We talked about what we want of do when we grow up.”

“Did you? That sounds exciting. What else?”

At Lizzie’s positive tone, Y/N smiled. Lizzie was listening to her and Y/N decided she liked it when people listened to her. Even about things that happens in school. Even Finn didn’t like listening to that sometimes, and he listened to everything she said. Ever. It got her in trouble a few times, but Y/N didn’t think Lizzie would tell.

“Well, Martin Jones said he wanted to be a fireman, and Emily Harriet said she wanted to be a nurse. Then Harold Green wanted to own a ship and be a pirate, but Mrs. Carden said that wasn’t nice. I don’t know why though, I’ve heard some nice stories about pirates. There was this one named Sparrow…”

And so she was off. Y/N told Lizzie all about what her classmates wanted to be when they grew up, often getting side tracked and starting new story before Lizzie would gently guide her back on topic. By the time their food arrived Lizzie knew all the dreams and gossip in Y/N’s class. Their meal was eaten relatively quick and in a silence that neither minded. Small comments on how the food tasted were made, and small ideas of what the lives of the passing people could be like were made. Maybe the man in the yellow had to pretend he was a banana to catch an escaped monkey. Or maybe the woman with long package of posters was really a knight hiding her arrows to save a prince. It wasn’t until the pair was almost done with their meal when the topic came back around to school.

“So Y/N you told me what your friends want to be when they grow up. But what about you? What do you want of be when your grow up?”

“Me?”

“Yes, you silly. What did you tell the class you wanted to be when you grow up?”

“Oh, yeah I did answer the question too. But I’d didn’t say what I said who.”

Lizzie waited for a brief second before smiling and realizing that she might need to reframe the question.

“Ok, Y/N then who did you say you wanted to be when you grow up?”

“Ummm….Guess,” Y/N replied with a smile on her face wanting to play a game, he legs swinging back and forth under her seat.

“Guess? You want me to guess who you said? Ok, was it Your Dad? Or maybe your Aunt Ada or Polly? Did you say one of them?”

“No, No, and No, none of them but they’re all great. Try again, I promise you know who. This is one of my favorite people. And if you don’t get it I’ll tell you then.”

Lizzie put her hand in her chin pretending to think, though she figured she knew the answer now. After a drawn out hum Lizzie spoke again.

“Is it Curly,” She said with a smile on her face, sure she got it correct. After all Curly was Y/N loved most outside of her family.

“Nope.”

Lizzie was a bit shocked. She had been sure it was Curly. As she was about to make another guess the girl opens her mouth again, the short words coming out surprising Lizzie even more.

“It’s you.”

“Me?”

“You.”

“You want to be like just like me when you grow up?”

“Yes!!! It’s you, I want to be just like you when I grow up! I want to do all the things you do and be just like you!! Wouldn’t that be great?!” Y/N stated with a smile on her face, turning in her seat so that she was now sat on her knees facing her friend.

No.

Lizzie sat back in her seat, every moment of her own life, past and present, running through her head. Every conflict, failure, temptation, heartbreak, and more running through her head at rapid speed. Because despite feeling touched by the words, the older brunette couldn’t even begin to see why Y/N would want to be like her.

No it would not be great at all if Y/N grew up to be like Lizzie.

See Lizzie Stark may have been able to act confident, but she certainly had her self doubts. After all, despite her connections to the Shelby’s Lizzie was still struggling to survive. She didn’t have much money or fancy clothes. Her apartment wasn’t too nice and sometimes Lizzie skipped meals to pay for the rent. And since she never finished school Lizzie didn’t consider herself the smartest. She may have been able to read and write and do basic math, but far beyond the level the richer ladies could do. And then there was the factor of her job. Lizzie was a prostitute. There really wasn’t much sugar coating it a that point. She was a prostitute.

That’s the reason Lizzie never wanted Y/N. Even if there was nothing else. Y/N of course didn’t know what work Lizzie did, no one had ever really brought it up, and the girl never noticed the few men who would approach them when together. Lizzie was always able to tell the man she was off the clock before the calls of “a friendly meeting” got too far. Thankfully most men were wise enough though not to call over the woman walking hand in hand with Thomas Shelby’s daughter. So even that didn’t happen to often.

Still in that moment Lizzie made a promise to herself. She promised that Y/N would never have to be like her. No matter how much the child wanted to be. Y/N wouldn’t have to suffer like Lizzie felt she did so often. Y/N would never have to do what Lizzie did, she’d make sure if it. She’d never have to do the same work Lizzie did. Lizzie wanted Y/N to go farther than she did. And so she would help her as much as she could. Regardless of how much support her family would give her, Lizzie would help too. Even if it meant working more herself so she could have money to help Y/N in the future…

“Is that ok Lizzie,” Y/N interrupted the woman’s train of thought, an unsure look on her face at the woman’s response (or lack of) to her answer, “ Is it ok that I want to be like you when I get big?” Now the girl herself  had a small frown on her face. Maybe Lizzie’s didn’t want Y/N to be anything like her, maybe Y/N shouldn’t have told Lizzie the truth.

Lizzie hesitated for a second more, bringing her eyes back to her company, “Y/N why do you want to be like me? I’m not the best person in the world…”

The girl sat back and to Lizzie’s surprise, smiled in disbelief, “What do you mean? I mean, I know you’re not perfect, no one is, but I think you’re pretty great!”

“But why though?”

There was a small pause in the conversation as Y/N sat, thinking about her words as these were some she really wanted to get right. Sometimes it was hard for her to get words right even if she knew what she wanted to say, others were confused. Then after a moment she spoke. And the more she spoke the more she began to bounce in her chair as she got to tell Lizzie all the things she loved about her!

“Well for starters you’re really nice. You always help around the house and you listen to my stories. And you put bandages on my knees when I fall and don’t get mad when I mess up my dress. And you also play with my hair and hold my hand. And you walk on walls with me. You’re also really smart, you know a lot of things I don’t know. You even know how to get to the library without getting lost and I don’t think even Uncle Arthur can do that! And you always take me to fun places. You also make sure I’m safe. And you are really pretty too, you’re one of the prettiest people I know. People are always looking at you because you’re so pretty, don’t you see it? Some of the ladies even squint their eyes because they’re so jealous of you! And you know a lot of people. All the time people recognize to you when we go out. There always seem to be people wanting to talk to you. Especially boys. Other than Finny and Isaiah, I don’t know how to talk to boys like you do. The ones at school pull my hair and I just want to be their friend. But you seem to have so many talking to you! And…..”

And as Y/N continued, her words seemed to trail off in Lizzie’s mind as a realisation was made.

See, Lizzie knew what people thought of her. She knew how they saw her for who she was and what she did. She knew the true meanings behind the looks and why people wanted to talk to her.

She knew.

Lizzie always knew what those things meant even if people didn’t say them allowed (and plenty of them did). She even knew what the older Shelby’s themselves thought, even if they were greatful for her help. Rarely a day went but where Lizzie wasn’t called a whore or dammed to hell by a stranger on the street she’d never met.

But Y/N didn’t know that.

Y/N heard the people calling out as they walked by but she didn’t truly understand what they were staying. She didn’t understand their words were meant to hurt, shame, and condemn. She just saw someone calling out to her favorite person and figured they must like her too. After all, to Y/N, Lizzie was amazing, so why shouldn’t she have plenty of other people calling out to her, and waving their arms at her in greeting?

Y/N knew people were always looking at Lizzie as they passed by on the street and thought it was because of how beautiful Lizzie was. She didn’t realize their stares and squints weren’t out of awe or jealousy, but rather disgust and hate for a woman who was just trying to survive like the rest.

Y/N didn’t realize why Lizzie knew so many people or why so many “boys” wanted to “talk” to her. Once again, Y/N didn’t know what Lizzie really did for her job and no one was stupid enough to bring it up. All she saw was a woman she adored, who always seemed to know how to walk around without getting her hair pulled on the way to lunch. A woman who always seemed to have the right words to say and rarely got caught up on them. And since she rarely got caught up on her words, no ‘boys’ ever teased Lizzie for how she spoke. In fact they often seemed to want to stay with her longer. And if they stayed longer, then they more fun they could have together. And to a child like Y/N there’s always room for more fun and more friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are the things that occurred to Lizzie as Y/N continued to talk. And in her mind Lizzie came to another conclusion. One that almost made her want to laugh aloud.

She had concluded there’s an irony in innocence, in such that it allows those who seen the least to also see the most.

This innocence is mixed with the mercy of the young who often had yet to experience the pain of the world. To the innocent everything is more simple. Lines of good and bad are clearly drawn and if you are placed on one side it can be hard and easy to make to the other. There is no gray area in the blurred between, making one question the morals of right and wrong.

It is this innocence that often allowed children to look around and ignore the blinding bias of the world and see the characteristics so often shunned for one defining trait or action. To see the brighter side of the barely lit life many would rather step over than acknowledge.

It was this innocence that made Y/N look at Lizzie and see a future she wanted to have.

A future that didn’t have the cruel words or harsh hands. A future that didn’t contain the disgusted looks from the wealthier women passing by or the unnerving stares of many touched starved men. A future inspired, not by a whore who sometimes could barely afford to eat, but the loving friend always willing to share her last biscuit.

Y/N didn’t look at Lizzie and see all the things the world considered bad.

Y/N looked at Lizzie and saw all the things SHE considered good.

She saw someone who was smart, pretty caring, always willing to listen, sure of her words, and always ready to give a hug among many more good things. Someone who had all the traits Y/N thought made a great person.

And Y/N wanted to be a great person when she grew up.

So when she grew up Y/N wanted to be just like Lizzie.

Series Masterlist    Main Masterlist

✨✨a/n : Hello! I hope y’all enjoyed this part! I slowly trying to get back on here and finally finished this part after so long. I actually started writing it a day before S6E2 came out and then that wreaked me and I need a bit to figure out where to go! But it was fun to write and I didn’t actually get to the part I planned on writing so it may be in another part😂 But yeah there’s a bit onLizzie’s relationship with Y/N. I hope y’all enjoyed it!✨✨

[notyour-valentine]

36 with our Lizzie?

Also a cake and carrot for celebrating! 🎂🥕

Wine and Water ~ Lizzie Shelby & Reader (Fluff)

[Celebration] [Celebration Masterlist] [Masterlist]

(18/21+). I do not consent to my work being translated, copied or posted elsewhere on this platform or any other.

Notes: This can be seen as a standalone or a sequel to this

Words: 821 words

The auction had been somewhat of a success.

She did manage to get that Medusa bracelet which she had had her eye on, but had failed to get the painting of Judith beheading Holofernes. And then Mr. Murray and Sir John had been red with rage as they tried to outbid themselves over some miniature warship, which had been delightful to watch. Like two dogs fighting, not the scrappy street kind fighting for a bone, but the fat little lapdogs, who could barely move wiggling their ugly bodies to reach a treat first. 

Afterwards, there was more champagne, canapes, and chatter, but she soon excused herself to the restrooms, not because she needed to, but because she wanted some silence. 

Using the opportunity, she was just retouching her lipstick, when the door opened once more, revealing a no longer strange face. 

“Ah sorry,”, Mrs Shelby mumbled as she saw her. 

“Don’t worry.”, she told her with a smirk. “This is the Ladies room - you have as much right to be here as me.”

The corner of her lip twitched and she glanced at the door, making her realise the meaning of her words. 

For a woman of admirable height, Mrs Shelby moved like one half her size, as if she wanted to make herself as small as possible, almost unnoticeable. 

It was sad to see, but it was a sad world, so she wasn’t surprised. 

Not wanting to stare, she turned her back on the other woman and went back to her lipstick. 

To her surprise though, Mrs Shelby watched her. 

“My husband says you have a reputation.”, she said. 

“I suppose we all do.”

She huffed slightly.

“He says you enjoy tormenting men.”

That made her smile, and she turned, biting the desire to lick her freshly painted lips. 

“I don’t torment men, Mrs Shelby, at least not unless they deserve it.”

She tilted her head and smirked. 

“And it is not for enjoyment, it is for a sense of justice- or satisfaction.”

Mrs Shelby didn’t look all too convinced and so she walked over to her and gave her hands a little squeeze.

“I don’t mind men, Mrs Shelby. I just happen to be able to see humorous way of their collective existence.”

“Like what?”, she wanted to know. 

“Well,”, she mused, “For one they always like to remind us that we are the weaker sex.”

She clicked her tongue as if she was scolding them at the notion.

“Well, I have children, so do you, don’t you?”

The realisation made her smile just barely as she nodded.

“Alright, yes.”

“Quod erat demonstrandum.”, she said, already half turned when she saw a flash of fear in her eyes, before she quickly lowered them. 

That short quick moment of their shared joke was gone, shattered on the ground by her slip of the tongue.

By now, by her voice and posture and the way she presented herself, she had long realised that Mrs Shelby wasn’t comfortable here. And now she had made her even more uncomfortable, which wasn’t at all her intention. 

“It means “which was to be demonstrated.””, she said softly, “People use it when they’ve proven their argument.”

“Oh.”, Mrs Shelby muttered, clearing her throat. 

“No need to blush.”, she assured her. “Latin is a terrible beast of a language, in fact, it is said that if the Romans themselves had to learn it, they never would have had the time to conquer half the known world. But it is rather useful if you want to appear smarter than you actually are.”

She dismissed it all with a wave and felt a pang of relief when Mrs Shelby seemed to relax slightly. 

“There are like twenty phrases people use and the rest, well, everyone’s forgotten that as soon as they leave the school room. So if it goes beyond that, people just nod and pretend, without daring to question it as they are all afraid of being called out.”

“Is that why you like to humiliate men, ‘cause they don’t know what they are talking about?”

There was uncertainty in her voice, and she knew the question had a double meaning. 

“I don’t mind a lack of knowledge. In fact, there are infinitely more things I don’t know than those I will ever have the time to learn. Unfortunately, not everyone disagrees with my assessment. Most people have rather insufferable delusions of grandeur.”

Offering the other woman a smile she took a deep breath.

“I don’t like to humiliate in anyone, but I do have a certain and rather concrete dislike about people who refuse to accept the limitations of their own personhood, station, knowledge, role in society. It is usually them who preach water and drink wine and I can’t stand that.”

She smiled up at the taller woman. 

“I’m sure you have the misfortune of knowing the kind.”

Mrs Shelby snorted. 

“Oh trust me I do.”

~

End

Thank you so much for requesting and for participating in my celebration - I hope you liked it! As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Taglist

Overall

@lilyrachelcassidy @jyessaminereads @chlorrox @watercolorskyy @books-livre @quarterpastmidnight  @lilyevanswhore  @polishcrazyone  @zablife  @just-a-harmless-patato  @stevie75 @flyingjosephine-blog @runnning-outof-time @cillmequick @alex-in-the-wilderness @babayaga67 @butterfly-skinnylegend @shelbydelrey @mrkdvidal1989 @lothbrokcore

[red-write-hand]

random headcanons from my mind…

tommy gives good hugs

arthur knows random songs and hums them while he works

ada knows how to bake like one thing and if you like that thing, be prepared for that to be made at every opportunity around you

john is actually a huge romantic and he loves to just hold you sometimes

finn will sometimes just bring you random objects and start ranting (very happily) about where he got it and why it reminded him of you

grace learns your favorite songs and “accidentally” starts singing them when you’re in the Garrison

luca loves to run his fingers through your hair and draw little designs into your skin

lizzie loves to give you gifts randomly, just to show you how much she loves you

freddie secretly loves when you scratch his stubble

[cosmic-crybaby]

Blue Skies - Tommy Shelby

Chapter 15: 'Alone Tonight'

Warnings In This Chapter: Hinted affair, excessive alcohol consumption, arguing, Thomas really messing things up for himself etc. etc. etc.

Masterlist:

---

The distance between you had only grown with the passing weeks.

The more time had passed, the more Thomas had to work. The more he was gone, the more you realized you had been sleeping alone most nights. You understood how busy he was and how his job and family relied on him to make the right choices, but you were a part of his family too, You wanted to keep reminding him, but you knew it was useless when he couldn't put off business any longer.

It was the the night before Elizabeth's performance, and you had finally caught a moment with him. You didn't want to be a bother as you caught sight of him sorting through endless piles of papers on his desk.

"Thomas..." You meekly called as you stepped through the threshold and into the office. He looked up at you for just a moment. And in the split second, you saw just how overworked he was, slowly being consumed by his work. He acknowledged your presence with a small raise of his brow. His blue eyes lit up behind his glasses. "I didn't want to bother you, but I wanted to remind you that tomorrow is Elizabeth's first performance, and she really wants you to be there," You told him, walking further into the room. By the time he nods at your words, you were already at the front of his desk.

"You could have told Francis to deliver the message to me instead of getting out of bed to tell me yourself...you know you need to rest more now that you're further along," He simply stated.

"I wanted to deliver it to you myself so you know just how important this is,” You stood up straight, making sure it was known to him that you were not to be taken lightly at that moment. 

“I’ll surely be there,” He sighed.

“If you can’t make it, tell me now so-” You rambled. Thomas takes a heavy, slightly frustrated sigh. 

“(Y/n),” 

You shut your mouth as he stated your name. ‘Hm?’ You hummed, raising your brows in acknowledgment.

“I would want nothing more than to be there, I promise I will go,” He calmly stated. You nod once. 

“It’s late, please try to come to bed tonight,” You reminded him of the time. By this time he was fully invested with his work again as he just hummed at your request. Without another word you were gone. You read his actions loud and clear before going back to the bedroom, holding on to the railing to help you along the way. You slept alone that night once again. 

The next day was a busy one. Your kids were taken to school in the company Bentley  as you were off to work. Sitting in the office, doing some last minute paperwork and orders for inventory. Ever since you started seeing Thomas, you and your family were put on the protection list, on behalf of the Peaky Blinders. Thomas even managed to have your bills paid and taken care of. It made you feel uneasy to have your independence taken away, but you wouldn’t emasculate him when you knew he was doing it to not only ensure you were taken care of but to ensure you put all of that money into your own wallet for once. The Peaky boys would often linger around the front and back of the bakery to make sure you weren't in harms way. It's not like you ever were in the first place.

Winter was slowly rolling in and you were preparing hot drinks and baked goods for the customers who just wanted to keep warm during the cold seasons. You even offered to serve hot whiskey cider to the workers who came in at the end of their shifts when the snow really kicked in. 

And that was why you were everyone’s favorite baker. 

After you had closed up the shop, you were picked up and taken on the trip back to Arrow House. You got yourself and Henry ready for Elizabeth's first big performance at the ballet. Frances was there to help get Henry dressed. You struggled to clasp your earrings on you asked her: 

“And where the fuck is Thomas, we’re late!” 

Much to your knowledge, he was in his office. The pub was lively that night, but he was sitting like a dead corpse at his desk. Smoking a dull cigarette while staring into the flames of the fireplace. The music and laughter muffled by the thick, wooden doors. The heat filled the room but Thomas was still as cold-hearted as ever. Thomas was a smart man after all, but his weakness had just strutted through the door. Holding an even bigger vice than herself, right in her thin hands. Two crystal glasses and brand new bottle of whiskey. 

If his recent days hadn’t been so hectic he would have declined her advances and her offer to share a drink. And maybe he would have remembered the promises he made.

At the theater, the show was just starting. You sat in the second row, your son beside you to your left and an empty seat to your right. You watched in amazement and excitement as you spotted her on stage amongst the other swans. Her small height compared to the taller women giving herself away. She looked so beautiful and grown up it nearly made you cry. She didn’t show any sort of hesitation or insecurity as she hit every step, spin, and leap in tune with the orchestra. But in the back of your mind, you still wondered where Thomas was. 

“Why aren’t you out there? Arthurs’ just started singing,” She chuckled as she closed the door behind her, drowning out the loud noise and music. 

“Lizzie,” He blinked at her as she sat in the chair across from his desk. The red dress she wore exposed her shoulders and her long arms, the necklace that hung around her neck was shining under the lights. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” He asked, sitting up and putting the cigarette out in the ashtray. Assuming she was inquiring about her job. She shrugs a bit, setting the whiskey and cups on the desk in front of him. 

“I just wanted to speak with you,” She reached for one of his cigarettes, and being the gentleman he was, he lit it for her. She continued to speak, but he began to drown her out. 

He eyes the alcohol for a moment before clearing his throat and reaching to check his pocket watch. He could have sworn he had somewhere to be, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. 

“I didn’t ask you to put anything on my schedule for tonight, did I?” He interrupted. It was unlike him to forget things so easily. 

“Um…” She paused to think, but it came up empty and she shook her head. “No, you didn’t tell me anything about tonight. Why, am I keeping you from attending something important?” She asked. His gaze was distant as he slightly shook his head. 

“I suppose not, now…what did you want to speak to me about?” He asked. He watches as she stands up to open the bottle and pour him a glass as well as herself. Watching him as he took a small sip, longing for his touch again…missing him deeply. Loathing him for what he did behind her back. But then again, she still wondered…

“Are you happy, Tommy?” 

“No…No not always,” He gruffly answered, but his answer was honest nonetheless. But, she already knew that. Everyone already knew that he wasn’t a happy person. After France, after Grace and Charles, after constantly worrying about losing his family. But then, there was you. You helped him little by little to gain that happiness again. To maintain that feeling of being alive. 

But that was only temporary when Luca Changretta had his family's names engraved on bullets. 

“But there are things in me life that help…still working on those things,” He said. Lizzie nods along. 

“What things?” 

“Being a good man…a good father,” 

She hums. 

“Yeah…kind of wished you worked on that when we were together,” She takes a deep inhale of her cigarette. And if Tommy Shelby wasn’t so cold already, her words would have cut him like a knife. 

“Why did you do it?” She finally asked after they sat in their silent tension. He set his glass down, looking away from her. 

“I wasn’t in love with you,” He told her honestly. She held her stare on him for a moment. Nodding bitterly. 

“You’re a fuckin’ liar,” She accused. Tommy chuckled as he leaned back in his office chair with a creak. 

“If you really didn’t love me, you would have let me marry John, or fired me after I spoke to your mistress, or wouldn't have given me this fucking job in the first place…so explain that to me, you at least owe me this,” Her eyes were glossy with hot tears. The blinder hesitated before he took one last finishing gulp of the whiskey in his cup. 

After the performance, you waited for her in the hall of the theater. She skips to you and Henry, already carrying a  bouquet of roses, wearing her boots and a coat over her leotard. Her hair and makeup are still on. She smiled brightly as you opened your arms to engulf her into a hug. 

“You did amazing!” You praised her proudly, letting her go as Henry stood beside you. 

“I saw you almost tripped,” He teased. 

“Shut up,” She nudged him 

“Henry that’s-” You started to scold the younger son before you noticed Elizabeth glance around the room. 

“Where is Thomas?” She asked, her smile was still on her face but you saw the faintest dismay. 

“He really wanted to come, Love but he got stuck at work,” You lied. You had hoped that was the case, but even you weren’t sure. You rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. She stutters. 

“That’s okay, can we just go home? I’m starving,” You nodded, your arms over her shoulders as Henry held your other hand, slowly leading them out of the theater and to the car. 

At home, you tried your best to hide your disappointment in your fiancé, who still hadn’t shown up. But regardless, the three of you sat at the dining table as the maids served Elizabeth’s favorite dish. Roasted chicken, potatoes, salad, and bread. It was simple compared to the other dishes the kitchen staff make, but it was more than enough for your family. In her opinion, your home-cooked meals were better. 

“Did you know dad came tonight?” Elizabeth stated as she picked up her silverware. 

“Was he the one who brought the roses?” You asked, desperately wishing you could guzzle some wine to distract you from the growing stress in your chest. The feeling of dread coming and going with every ticking second on the clock.

“Yeah...he sat in the back, he saw me just before you did,” 

“That’s nice, darling I’m glad he came,” 

‘At least he made an effort, can’t say the same for Thomas,’ You bitterly thought. Your eyes were dark as you stared at your plate. Aggravation causes your appetite to greatly decrease.

“Should we wait for Thomas?” Henry asked. You shook your head. 

“Go ahead and eat,” You gave permission as you moved the food around your plate, attempting to at least eat. You, rather aggressively, cut into your chicken as your silverware clanked on the ceramic plates. Your children watched you, giving each other a knowing glance to not ask as they followed and hesitantly began eating. You heard the heavy footsteps of your fiancé walking into the room. “Sorry I’m late,” He apologized as he went around the table, rubbing Elizabeth's shoulder and tussling Henry's hair before he approached you. Henry fixed his hair as he smiled up at him while Elizabeth gave him the silent treatment. He placed a hand on your shoulder before kissing your temple. “Hello, sweetheart,” He whispered. Your lips form into a tight line before you acknowledge him. Your jaw clenched a bit as you refrained from pulling away from his touch. He sat down in his own seat across from you. 

“I’ve been trying to reach you for hours,” You stated, a hint of displeasure in your voice as you take a sip of water. 

“I was at work,” 

“All day?” You quickly shot back. 

“Yes, darling I was stuck at work and then I attended a very important family meeting,” His tone slightly changed, exhausted from his long day and the interrogation he had to go through with you. As he got situated, the only noise was your children eating and quietly whispering back and forth. 

“Well, Elizabeth did amazing tonight,” You reminded him after clearing your throat, keeping your eyes down on your plate. Thomas formed his lips in a thin line, internally scolding himself. He knew deep down he had forgotten something important. He glances at you but your eyes were elsewhere, the dead and tired look in his eyes showed only a bit of guilt as he looked from you to your daughter. 

“Elizabeth,” He called. She only continued to eat, not looking at him when he spoke. “I had a terrible and busy day at work today, but I apologize for not showing up tonight, I was really looking forward to seeing you,” 

Elizabeth just glanced at him. 

“It’s fine…” She simply said before going back to pushing her food around her plate. 

“You know, next time you’re going to be this late, I would at least appreciate a call,” You told him, quietly enough so only he could hear. 

“And next time when I have a shit day at work, I would appreciate it if you didn’t badger me the second I walk through the door,” He said in the same volume, but in a more apathetic tone. 

Your eyes scanned him, examined him as he just stared at his plate. Your eyes quickly scan your children before turning back to pick up your glass of water. 

“Eat some bread for Christ sake,” You hissed your Small Heath accent thicker than he had ever heard. Thomas widened his eyes a bit in disbelief as he started dismissively yet obediently eating the food on his plate.

“Henry, how was your day?” You asked him. He looked up at you and smiled. Thomas' gut sank at the change of pitch in your voice. The sweetness as you spoke to your children was like honey.

“It was good,” 

“And your lessons?” You pondered again. 

“I’m getting better, Miss Matisse says I might even have a part in the orchestra this year,” You smiled warmly at him. 

“I’m glad darling…what about you, Elizabeth?” You turned to her. 

“It was fine…just uneventful before the show,” You nod at her words. 

“What about you, Thomas?” You asked, sarcasm and accusations seeping from your words. 

“It was fine, (Y/n)...How was your day?” He feigned interest. 

“Oh, I think you should go first,” You mumbled.

“You can go first,” He scoffed, arguing. 

“No,” You set your silverware down with a loud clank and looked at him. Sharply lifting your head to make direct eye contact with him. Your eyes darkened as your tone and demeanor completely changed, it was something he had never seen before. “Tell us, how was your day?” You faked a smile at him as he just stared at you. His eyes are low and dark. 

“I said my day was fine…” He said back to you, spitting as much venom as you did. You heavily sigh through your nose. Bringing your water to your lips. As dinner went on, Henry had brought one of his toy cars to the table. Rolling the wheels over his napkins and silverware. The irritating squeaking of the wheels caused everyone at the table to feel vexed, but Elizabeth was the first to snap. 

“Will you stop?” Her brows furrowed as she looked at him. He grinned as he stopped momentarily before continuing. 

“Stop!” She shouted. 

“No,” He argued, sticking his tongue out at her. The two continued to bicker. 

“We all want to hear what happened to you today,” You said again. Thomas sat back in his chair, pressing his thumb and index fingers to the bridge of his nose. He pulled his fingers away as he stared at the nearly full plate before him. His mind was practically numb at this point, and the anger began to bubble up with every passing second. The frustration radiated in his head, jaw, and shoulders as he shifted to try to calm himself. The more you questioned him and the louder your children fought made his head ache and his jaw clench. Just then, Elizabeth grabs the toy car and begins to run around the table as Henry chases after her. 

“Elizabeth, sit down please,” You sternly, yet tiredly ordered. “Mom, she won’t give it back, make her stop!” Henry complained as she held the toy over his head, just barely out of reach. 

“Both of you come sit back down, I won’t ask you again,” 

They continued to chase each other and argue as Thomas sat in silence, the pending anger just waiting to be set off. The two children began to yell and whine. 

“Mom!” 

“Knock it off, let go of me!” 

“Stop it, both of you!”

“Stop!” They repeated loudly. Just as you were about to stand, Thomas abruptly stood from his chair, it loudly scraped against the floor as he slammed his hands on the table. 

“Shut the fuck up!” With each word he yelled, his hands came down to slam on the table. You covered your ears, startled by the sudden loud noise as Henry and Elizabeth stopped in their tracks, in sudden shock as they stared with wide eyes. The room was suddenly silent. You kept your eyes down at the table and your hands were on your lap. Upset and angry but not sure how to react. Thomas takes a deep breath to calm himself down. Hanging his head low before standing up straight. 

“I…I am so sorry, but you really need to listen to your mother, eh?” He asked. Breathing heavily, he takes a cigarette out of his pocket. He didn’t even notice the blood on his hand until he saw the red stain his sleeve, the table, plates, and silverware below. He simply uses one of the napkins to wrap it. 

“She asked multiple times to stop, you have to listen to her, she is your mother,” he excuses himself and leaves the room, a trail of smoke follows. You shakily stand up, giving your kids a tight hug, holding them into you tightly as you reassured them that things were going to be okay. You sent them to have a bath as you sat in silence at the table. Holding a hand over your mouth, feeling nauseated and shaken. You stand and slowly walk to Thomas’s side of the table. 

“Fuck,”

---

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[dearshelby]

"Let me guess," the Shelby sister stared into Lizzie's green eyes, "the answer is no again,"

"Try to understand, love," Lizzie hesitated, "I don't want to hurt your brother,"

"Neither do I but I won't put his happiness above mine,"

The housewife sighed, she met Tommy's sister years ago, back when her and John were still engaged. Since then, the woman was there for her every time Tommy screwed her over, with captivating blue eyes and a tenderness that seemed uncharacteristic from the Shelby family.

She fell and fell hard.

Unfortunately, Lizzie could never have what she wanted.

"If we were to do this I'd like to be completely honest with him, that's not the moment,"

"There'll never be a right moment,"

"He's too fragile right now," Elizabeth explained, "I don't want him to suffer,"

"Tsk" she scoffed, "He can't suffer but I can?"

"You're stronger than him, Tommy is just facade and there's Ruby-"

"Liz, I won't do this anymore, you either go on and talk to him or-"

"I can't! Not now!"

"Alright then, I'll give him a call, I'll call and tell him brother, I'm running back to America because I'm extremely in love with your wife and I can't stand being so far yet so close to her,"

"... every time you get angry I hear his voice on you," Lizzie lamented, perhaps that was her burden, to have Shelbys consuming every drop of her sanity.

"I booked a suit in the hotel we always go, same room, same hour, I also bought myself a ticket for New York," she explained, "if you don't show up I have my answer,"

Watching her lover leave, Lizzie deeply sighed. She had a decision to make.

[moral-terpitude]

Truly Updated Master List - as of March 3, 2024

At the moment, I am updating The Dead Rabbit and Fourth Time's The Charm when I get to them. I am posting other pieces in between as I find time. Feel free to peruse all my writings below!

My requests are open.

Here is a link to click if you would like to be added to my taglist.

I got curious in the midst of some housekeeping, and as of Nov 9 there are 84,720 words contained in all my writings below, so please, enjoy!

If your here devouring my master list, please know I appreciate you! Also, please consider giving my page a follow!

With that being said, I don’t agree to any of my works being reposted or copied without my permission.

I made a playlist in case you want to see what goes on inside my brain.

Modern Tommy Shelby

Misadventures (Masterlist) - Updated March 3, 2024

All We Have Is Now

Catwalk

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed

Quiet Sunday Manic Monday Part Three Part Four

Part Five

Composition - 1058 Words • Repetition - 1626 Words

One Shots

Chiaroscuro - Tommy Shelby x Reader - Smut - 3,346 Words

Hell Above - 1,314 Words

Completed Works

The Woman in the Window - Tommy Shelby x OC - Smut

Part One - 2.613 Words

Part Two - 2,525 Words

Part Three - 1,727 Words

His Favorite - Tommy Shelby x OC - Smut

Part One - 1,139 Words

Part Two - 1,765 Words

Lost Letters

Part I - 1,577 Words

Part II - 3,315 Words

Hello, Operator

Part 1 - 1,569 Words

Part 2 - 2,334 Words

Tommy Shelby x male!reader

The Farrier’s Son

Part 1 - 1,354 Words

Part 2 - 1,466 Words

Piccadilly Circus - 517 Words

Long Series

The Dead Rabbit - 28,602 Words (Modern AU/ Reincarnation)

Fourth Time’s The Charm - 19,964 words

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six

Headcannon (Naming their children)

On A Gathering Storm (in progress?) - 2,262 Words

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

SFW One Shots

The Devil Wears a Suit and Tie - 611 Words - Tommy Shelby is the devil, but has he always been?

Driving Lessons - 1158 Words -Tommy teaches Ruby to drive, with an unexpected conversation.

After All - 335 Words - Polly helps her 18-year-old nephew solve a problem.

January - 310 Words - Tommy and Charlie have a plan.

Pinky Swears - 582 Words - Tommy makes a promise to Ada while home on leave.

Battue - 501 Words - Boxing Day shenanigans.

Royal Ascot - 258 Words -Ruby has no interest in being a debutante.

November - Tommy's wife is sought out by long forgotten family- 1,187 Words

200 Follower Celebration Requests

Sleep Talking - 283 Words

Christmas Eve - 206 Words

Nightmares (x male!reader) - 197 Words

Tired Eyes (x Alfie Solomons) - 206 Words

Heart of a Dog (x Arthur Shelby) - 349 Words

[strayrockette]

Give Me Peace Over War

Chapter 1: The Nightmare

Previous Part

Thomas Shelby Masterlist

Peaky Blinders Masterlist

Summary: Miruna is a recluse "gypsy witch," who finds herself being pushed out of her apartment for a job at a bakery at the insistence of Lizzie Stark, a neighbor, and a friend.

A/N: *phew* this was a long time coming. It took a lot of rewrites and drafts to put this chapter together. If it wasn't for @mysticalpandora lovely help, I probably would have crawled into a hole and given up on writing. She's an amazing writer and I'm so glad she took time out of her busy schedule to help edit this chapter! 💙💙 Now that this is done, I can finally move on to my other WIP and requests. You have no idea how stressed this chapter got me.

PS: @mysticalpandora is a writer in hiding, you guys should definitely keep a lookout for her. I for one can't wait to see what she writes and what fandom she'll get me back into! 😊💙 (My baby sister told me to do a blue heart. I guess she got bored with red?) (Update: She just told me blue is the best color)

Fresh pastries and blossoms. None would expect that peculiar scent to waft in the air of Small Heath. For Miruna, it was the opposite. Despite the smell being a strange thing to encounter, it was ever present to her, much like the graphite that lined her fingers and smudged the side of her palm. Fingers gripped the pencil in her hand achingly tight, joints protesting from the lack of comfort and freedom. Her sketchbook lay haphazardly next to her on her tiny twin bed, the sheets resembling the same haphazardness despite the fact that she had barely slept amongst them. Miruna had spent her time, drawing within the comforting silence night had provided, sleep few and far between. As the sun rose from its slumber and kissed the earth with its morning rays, Small Heath had buzzed to life. 

With it, a sense of relief washed over Miruna as she found herself grateful for the distraction. Resting her head back against the wall and closing her eyes, she allowed her hand to move freely to the side to lay her pencil atop her sketchbook, before returning her hand to her lap, a breath of a sigh escaping her lips as she allowed herself to relax. Though, it wasn't long before she could hear the sounds of her neighbor clamoring around their equally tiny apartment. 

If she allowed herself to sink further into the depths of relaxation and peace, she'd be able to hear the sounds of Giddy - the neighborhood cat - sauntering around the hallways and possibly chasing the occasional mouse. The buzz around her was more welcomed than she had expected, lulling her mind into Sleep's awaiting arms. Arms that begged and pleaded for her to rest her aching bones upon the mattress of her bed, to cast aside her external distractions for rest... If she allowed it. Despite the sleep, she knew she craved, she could already envision the nightmare that loomed over her like the smoke that hung around the rooftops of Small Heath, visiting her in her impotent state.

Hurried footsteps and frantic knocking jolted her, "Miruna! Are you up?" 

Her dark brown eyes surveyed her apartment a breath of relief escaping her chapped lips when seeing it as empty as it was moments before closing her eyes. She suspected that she would need to sleep soon, a week without proper rest had a way of tricking the mind. Her body moved sluggishly, heavy with exhaustion. Standing from her bed slowly, she concentrated on movin one foot after the other. The knocking had ceased and whoever was looking for her had gone quiet. Her fingers brushed against the cool brass of the doorknob and gently tugged the door open. She peaked around the corner and found her neighbor waiting patiently, arms full with cotton and laced garments. 

Her neighbor grimaced as she took in Miruna's face, "Did I not tell you to sleep? honestly, love. You need to care for yourself." 

Her neighbor was a beautiful woman, which came in handy in her line of work as a lady of the night. Despite the grittiness of her career, Lizzie was still a dreamer at heart. 

Miruna tilted her head and murmured, "I slept."

Miruna had moved into the empty room next to Lizzie over a year ago. In that short time, Miruna had found an unwelcomed friend in Lizzie.

Lizzie huffed at her lackluster response, "two minutes of rest hardly counts. Today is your first day of work, you must look your best." 

Lizzie had made it her mission to get her out of her apartment and into a proper job because if anyone needed it, it would be lonely Miruna, who very rarely wanted anything to do with the outside world. Miruna had a habit of hiding in her apartment and only socializing with those who visited her for her “gypsy magic.” Though Miruna swears all she ever does is talk and have tea with her fellow broken souls. But no one ever listens. 

She pushed her way into Miruna's apartment, dropping a load of clothes onto the bed stuffed to the far right and making a beeline for the wash bin and tea kettle. 

Miruna shut her door and turned to watch as Lizzie took charge. There’s no way out of this one, she thought with a sigh. 

Lizzie turned to eye Miruna's disheveled state. Eye bags severely present on her lightly tanned skin, wavey hair knotted and her nightgown messy and disorganized. For someone who didn't sleep, Miruna looked as if she had tossed and turned all night. Lizzie eyed the open sketchbook sitting atop her pillowcase, a hint of a figure making its presence known but not quite finished in detail. She suspected that Miruna had sat in bed sketching away most of the night. She turned away from the sketchbook and pretended she hadn't seen it; Miruna's sketchbook was one of the many things she was private about. With a tentative smile, she stated, "You look a mess, but I've dealt with worse,"

She reached out with quick movements and dragged Miruna to a loan chair resting next to a circular table on the left side of the room. She rolled up the sleeves of Miruna’s nightgown and dragged a warm wet rag onto her bare arms and hands. Slowly and methodically washing away signs of built up grime and graphite. 

If Lizzie was not aware of Miruna’s sleeping habits, she would have half a mind to think her dead. With her sunken glazed eyes, pale skin, and stiff movements; Miruna was a walking corpse.  

Lizzie's soft hands delicately squished her cheeks, rubbing the sleep and dry drool-those two minutes of rest must have been the best- from her face with the rag, her green eyes scrutinizing her friend, "Have you tried the brew Lacey brought you?" 

Miruna humphed, "ish ophium" 

Lizzie huffed, "what does it matter? It should help with your night terrors" 

Since moving in Miruna has suffered night terrors every night. She had tried nearly everything to combat them. From herbal tea, lavender scents, lavender cookies, lavender scrub, calming lullabies sung by Lizzie, and a dog pile with Lizzie and two other lone ladies who lived in the apartments below them. Opium seemed like the best option, but Miruna was adamantly against using it. 

Lizzie’s hands threaded through Miruna’s hair, her fingers snagging onto some knots. She pulled away to grab the brush and ran it through Miruna’s long hair.

"Its' too addicting," Miruna asserted. She turned in the chair and grabbed the brush from Lizzie’s hand, "and I can clean myself." 

Lizzie stepped back from the chair and motioned for her to go on, “You’re a bit slow but I suppose you can do the rest”

Miruna rolled her eyes at Lizzies light tease, grumbling under her breath, “I’m not a child.”

Lizzie laughed and turned away and towards the pile of clothes she set on the bed,  "The ladies and I, all pitched in and managed to get some garments patched up for you, don't worry it's nothing scandalous for your taste." 

“And before you protest, it was all within budget, Lady Owen did all the patching up,” Lady Owen was an old widow who owned the building, an inheritance of sorts from her husband before he passed. She was the only one on this block of Small Heath who didn’t snear or smirk greasely at the ladies with a less desirable job. If anyone had trouble or simply needed a motherly prescence, Lady Owen was the one to go too. The day that she passed, would be a sad day for all. 

Miruna tilted her head as she stared at the clothes, she knew how territorial some ladies got of the fine garments and clothes they had in their possession. Looking presentable at all hours of the day was a must. For Lizzie and the few others to give up some clothes to be patched up and retailored for her was a sign of unity. If she denied the clothes, she was sure the other ladies besides Lizzie would take it as a snub. 

She pointed the brush at the white dress laying unceremoniously on her bed, “I’ll wear that one, it's the prettiest.” 

The rest of the morning passed rather quickly at Lizzie’s insistence. Lizzie shoved day old bread and an apple into her hands as they walked down the stairs. “Your to head straight to work at the bakery, Mr. and Mrs. Coulson are willing to give you another shot but that may change if you don’t show up again.” 

Miruna hummed behind a mouthful of bread, shifting the apple to her left hand she attempted to shrug on her worn wool coat. The clack of her shoes resounded in the stairwell, her foot nearly tripping as Giddy ran past them with a mouse trapped in his mouth. The bread muffled her cursing, as her hands gripped the wooden railing for balance.

Lizzie’s hand gripped the top of her coat and helped her shrug it on, “You promise, you’ll go straight to the bakery?” 

They’d paused by the building entrance, a small audience gathering by the stairs they had descended from. 

Miruna swallowed the bread and turned her gaze to the group of three, “Will you drag me there yourself?” 

Lacey, a blonde brown eyed waif, leaned forward with a teasing smile, “we can if you want to.”

“Abosultely not,” a girl looking no older than 16 protested, “it would take at least another two hours for all of us to get ready. She’ll be late by then.” 

Lacey gave her a look, “You mean, it takes you two hours to get ready, I only need one hour.” 

A tap on her shoulder distracted her from the groups quarrel about who took the longest to get ready, “Promise, you’ll go to the bakery this time”

Lizzies green eyes implored her to say yes. Miruna hesitated before relenting, “Yes, I promise, I’ll go to the bakery.” 

At her promise squeals echoed through the building and Miruna bounded out of it as quickly as her tired legs would allow. And with each step she took towards the bakery, she wished she had not made that promise. Because a week of sleepless nights made it easier for nightmares to follow her into the waking world. She should have seriously considered this fact before walking out of her apartment's comfort. 

~~~~

The dress

TidBit about Romani history:

Roma people, also known as Romani, Sinti, Sindhi, or Kale, according to their sub-groups, are an Indo-Aryan ethnic group mainly residing in Europe. They are also referred to as "gypsies" though some consider this to be a derogatory term. This term comes from when people thought Romani/Roma people came from Egypt.

In approximately 250 BCE, the Romani are thought to have migrated from what is now the Indian state of Rajasthan to the northwest (the Punjab region). A result of their subsequent westward migration, possibly in waves, is now believed to have occurred beginning in about 500 CE. 

The raids conducted by Mahmud of Ghazni may also have triggered emigration from India. Following their defeat, these soldiers and their families were relocated to the Byzantine Empire in the west.

Taglist: @mysticalpandora @ultimatreality @lovecleastrange @watercolorskyy @rockerchick05 @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Hey there can you please do a Tommy Shelby daughter x Isaiah . Y/n is the daughter of him and Greta and he’s super protective of her she’s is like his rock especially when he got back from the war. maybe a few times they almost get caught and when they do he find them in a compromising position but ya know y/n is Tommys daughter so she acts all nonchalant about it while Tommy is fuming and she tries to talk him down. Hope it makes sense ❤️

Hey love,

This ended up with a lot of Reader & Lizzie development and I feel that I may have made this too fluffy. Hope you enjoy it and I apologize for how long this took me.

Warnings: Parenting, mentions of death, teen anxiety, family themes

“Thomas it’s obvious! Please don't be stupid about this. Talk to her.” Polly’s voice wore down what little patience he had left. Yes, it was obvious his daughter was seeing someone in his team, and that someone happened to be Isaiah. 

Something that seemed to be lost on everyone was how this type of thing should be handled. Isaiah, like everyone, had a job to do. As his boss it was Tommy’s job to keep him in line. Going out to do God knows what to his daughter was a huge betrayal. He liked Isaiah, but it was up to them to make the right decision to come forward about it and ask for his blessing. 

In which he would consider things carefully with his daughter. If he got involved before that, he would have to punish Isaiah for sneaking around. Which, would probably hurt his daughter and cause a great big fiasco.

Another massive headache to distract everyone from what was important. 

“Do you ever listen?” Polly shouted slamming the door to his office behind her. He sat there for a long while staring at the wall thinking about his daughter. She was so much like her mother it caused him chest pain from time to time. She hadn't known her mother, or that side of the family, meaning she herself would never understand or see the similarities. 

She had just had her 17th birthday. Tommy could see how his role in her life had rapidly changed the older she got. She was incharge, headstrong, and temperamental. He would be forever grateful that Greta’s qualities were there to balance what she had received from him. 

He sighed pouring a glass of whiskey. As much as he wanted to punish Isaiah, he knew this was more her idea than his. 

______________________________________________________________________

You laid in bed haunted by your first relationship. So much pressure was on you. Your heart wanted him, but if you made a foolish choice your father’s disappointment would be enough to wipe you off the planet. You thought back to the morning when you had been kissing in the cellar. Arthur almost caught the two of you. Guilt twisted up in your stomach, and you wondered if it was worth all this pain. Thinking about ending it was somehow even more painful. 

You thought about your dad, what he was like once he came home to you after the war. He was so bitterly cold with everyone, except you. Then you remembered Grace with as much fondness as a block of moldy cheese. A complete waste of a person, well, you got your baby brother from it so you supposed she was alright in the end.

Then there was Lizzie. You wanted to talk to her so badly, but she would tell your dad. Or worse, look down on you. She was too tall, and slim, and pretty to understand the situation you were in. 

Laying there in bed as the night grew later you left it up to fate. If she was awake when you went down stairs you would tell her. If she was asleep then you would keep it a secret. 

You pulled a thick sweater over your pajama top before padding down the stairs. You knocked on your father’s study and opened the door. Lizzie was laying on the couch reading a book. 

She looked like everything you wish you were. Lizzie wouldn't ask for permission, she lived her life however she wanted. Her eyes looked up from over the top of her book and she looked surprised to see you there. 

“Hello.” She sat up and motioned to the other side of the couch. Normally you avoided her, partially out of respect, but also because her aura of perfection annoyed you. 

“Erm - Is this a bad time?” You said in a shy voice. 

“No, not at all.” She said calmly. You sat down on the couch, she wore a silk house coat that hung on her slender frame elegantly. You looked down at the men’s Pajama bottoms and wool sweater you were wearing and gave a defeated sigh. This was very stupid. 

“What’s going on? Everything okay?” Her voice held a tone of genuine concern. You remembered that you had left it up to fate. You took a deep breath then began. 

“Well, I really like Isaiah, he’s kind and funny, and I feel really calm when I’m with him, sometimes he will read to me and I'll just fall asleep, which is embarrassing and everyone says you should feel nervous and like there are flies in your stomach, which is very gross, but I don't know what i’m doing and my mum is dead.” 

The words came out of your mouth like a hurricane. You took a couple deep breaths then more came to the surface. 

“He wants to tell my dad, because he doesn't want to die, which is reasonable, but I don't know how sure I am about this and it’s my life I want to enjoy it, go at my own pace, I don't want to make a bad choice and have dad be disappointed, but also fuck him, I can’t just not live my life. I know you’ve never had to deal with this type of stuff being a woman of “higher education” BUT like I said my mum is dead and Esme is still in the woods, Pol will tell my dad.” 

Her eyes were wide as she looked down at you.

“What’s a woman of higher education?” She asked with a lifted brow. You let out a sigh, frustrated that she was focused on the wrong thing. 

“You know, you went off to school, got a good job, worked for my dad then fell in love with him. Not a lot of conflict. You guys got married and had Ruby.” 

Lizzie let out a laugh that made you want to slap her and cry at the same time. People were so frustrating. 

“Darling, oh, is that what you think of me?” There was a fondness in her voice and a softness in her wet eyes that confused you. “That’s - I’ll tell you my story another time, I promise you it was not glamorous in the slightest.” 

She lit a cigarette and you wanted to know what she meant.  

“This is about you.” She nodded, breathing out a cloud of smoke. “So he makes you feel safe. He knows what your family does for a living. Sounds like a good move.” She responded easily. 

“What about dad?” 

“Just tell him.” 

Your stomach dropped and you still felt like she didn't understand the situation. If your dad and the family knew it would be this huge thing that would swallow you up. It wouldnt be yours anymore. 

“Look your father isn't going to make you marry the guy.” She laughed at the idea. “Even if he was that way I wouldn't let him. You need to do your own thing. I would, however, feel better if you had us behind you. I know what it's like to be out there alone.” Her eyes fell onto the fire and her posture went slightly rigid. 

“Thanks, Lizzie.” You whispered after a long moment. She gave a small smile then walked with you up to your room. You got into bed wondering what her life was like before drifting off. 

___________________________________________________________

The morning came and you found yourself in a losing battle with guilt as Isaiah pulled you into a broom cupboard. 

“Have you had some time to think about things?” 

“Oh um -” You thought about what Lizzie said and took a breath. 

“Look, I’m not trying to pressure you. I just really hate lying to your da.” He gave you a long look and warmth spread across your cheeks. “Whatever you want - Is fine with me.” He said finally. 

“I think it’s best we talk to him.” You said letting out a happy giggle as he picked you up. He kissed you hard and your heart rate sped up. You kissed him back and before you knew it you were pressed up against the back wall with your legs around his waist. 

It was wrong. But for some reason that made it harder to stop. He made noises that were going to keep you up for days.

______________________________________________________________

Tommy’s POV 

Lizzie had spoken to you, about what, she wouldn't say, but it confirmed to him that things were getting out of hand. A small part of him was pleased that you were starting to see Lizzie as a part of the family, the other part of him didn't like the idea of you keeping secrets with anyone but him. 

In the corner of his eye he caught the door to the broom cupboard swing shut and he fought with himself for a moment. Might as well put her out of her misery and just get it over with. No one was here to witness it meaning that no one would know this is how it went down. He wouldn't punish Isaiah, just have a chat with him after about what punishment will look like if he messed up again. It would be enough to set him straight. 

He opened the door with the intention of sorting this out. Seeing his daughter in a position like that was something he was not prepared for. He set you down immediately, removing his hands. 

He was too angry to speak. He had half a mind to kill the stupid kid. He watched your face turn from shock to rage. This was not going to be a easy morning. 

“Isaiah, get out.” You snapped, he looked at you for a moment but left when he realised it was in his best interest to listen. 

“We were going to tell you today at lunch. We are dating. Nothing bad happened here, so I don't need to be scolded.” You crossed your arms.

“Go home and wait for me there.” Was all he could manage to say. Having a screaming match when they opened in ten minutes was not wise. His tone of voice made your skin pale slightly meaning you would listen. You stomped out of the shop. He waited for Polly to show up and explained before heading home. 

He made a stop along the way and tried his best to orginize his thoughts. 

________________________________________________________

You walked around the kitchen island in circles.

Lizzie sat there drinking her coffee. 

“I really fucked everything up. He’s so mad Lizzie.” 

“He’s your father, it's his job to be angry.” She said easily. “He loves you, a lot. He’s got this whole complex about your mum too.” She took a drag of her cigarette. You stopped and turned to look at her from across the kitchen. 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means, he will never forgive himself for your mum, in his head the whole thing was his fault. Him not being there when you were born - the whole thing. Last thing he ever wrote to your mum was about how he would keep the two of you safe. He takes it very seriously. He wants to protect you, but this is new ground for him and he’s not sure how to do it. He can be a real idiot about things, but that’s why he’s got me to help him sort it out. He’s not going to hurt you or Isaiah.” 

“What she said.” You dad’s voice made you jump. He came over and placed a kiss on the top of Lizzie’s head. That stupid part of you that wanted to prove him wrong kicked up.

“I’m not going to let you control everything.” You said, something about arguing felt good. You like Isaiah, you wanted to fight for him. 

“I don’t want you to live that way.” He said after a long moment. “But you're my kid, in my house, there are rules.” You thought about arguing but waited to see what he would say. 

“First off, curfew is 8pm.” 

“11.” Lizzie said interrupting him. 

“10pm. No boys in your room - ever. Kissing is fine - nothing without clothes. Ever.” 

“Once you're married.” Lizzie said with a smile in her voice. 

“Never get married.” He said getting annoyed at being interrupted. 

“Ouch.” She said in a mock hurt voice. 

“There’s - Parenting. It’s hard. If you can wait till your ready - it’s -” 

“Dad ew-” You held your hands out as if it could stop the conversation. 

“No, no one had this talk with Ada and - “ He seemed lost for words. 

“Her husband died.” You said confused.

“Exactly. Teen pregnancy is a real killer okay? So just dont make a baby - ever.” 

“Once you're married.” Lizzie said with a smile. 

“Which is never.” He said firmly. 

“Now the real thing you need to hear from us. If you come and tell us something awful has happened to you, we will believe you and unleash a world of hurt on that boy.” She said with a serious tone pointing at you. “If you get pregnant, you’ll get a wedding and a place to live. But I think we both know you want time to get there, eh?” You nodded at her. “Exactly, so don't do anything we would have done, and take your time. Find the right boy when your ready."  

You finally broke her stare to look to your dad standing next to her. He was gripping the chair tight enough to turn his knuckles white. His gaze was focused out the window on the wet grass in the backyard. 

“I want you to be happy- In your life.” The words were not difficult, but the meaning behind them was enormous. You thought about everything your dad, and family did for you. You felt your face get hot at the words you knew you should say. 

“I am informed, and I will not make a baby, because, I do not -  at this time-  want to be married or to live in a house on my own, with an infant. Ruby is annoying enough as it is.” You added the last bit in to lighten the mood. 

“Don’t talk about your sister like that.” Tommy said in a worn voice. 

“I know - I love her for it.” You said and went over to hug your dad. He put his arm around you tightly and kissed the top of your head. 

“Lizzie.” You let go of him and watched the look of confusion on her face as you reached down to her. She hugged you back awkwardly due to her seated position. When you pulled away your dad handed you a small box of pastries from your favorite shop, but it didn't distract you from Lizzie brushing the tears from her cheeks. 

“Well, those look good,” She said in a high voice and you pushed the box to her. 

___________

You and Isaiah, did not make a baby or get married. However, when you look back on that time in your life you remember your parents looking at you in a different way for the first time. Like an adult, in charge of her life. You remember getting close with Lizzie fussing over outfits and various arguments, and feeling secretly touched by how much she and Tommy cared about the situation. 

[evita-shelby]

Fic Masterlist

Warning: some of my fics may contain smut, horror and unhappy endings

Symbol key

🔞- smut

👻- horror

☠️- unhappy endings

Eight Pounds (Tommy and Lizzie, parts one and two) ☠️

Reader inserts

Between the Shadow and the Soul (tommy x Eva Smith (oc))

Nothing more difficult than love (tommy x Eva Smith (oc))

Mrs. Nelson (parts one and Two) (jack nelson x Eva Smith (oc))

You read me poetry while I wash the dishes (tommy x oc)🔞

The duke of saxon shore (Tommy x Eva; Eunice Smith(oc) x Duke)

Incantatrice (luca changretta x Eva Smith (oc))🔞

Cursed (Grace x Tommy ,some Jack Nelson x Grace part one and part two)☠️👻

The coin toss (jack nelson x grace burgess)

Necromancy (Brilliant Chang x Eva Smith (OC)

An Unholy Alliance (Season 1!Grace finds an unlikely and untrustworthy ally in Eva Smith)

Give me Joy till morning (the sandman/peaky blinders crossover)☠️👻

Anything. (Where Grace, May and Lizzie make a deal with a demon for Tommy)☠️👻

A different sort of man (where (sort of)Canon!Tommy accidentally switches places with Eva’s!Tommy)

The witch and the scarecrow (Eva x Johnathan Crane)

National Anthem (Jack Nelson x Eva)🔞

Garden of Eden (Heaven Shelby(@call-sign-shark oc) x Eva, Heaven x Arthur, Tommy x Eva)🔞

Love is a state of mind (Robert Fischer x Eva

A witch and a rose (Eva & Rose Coldwell-Solomons(@raincoffeeandfandoms oc))

Modern!Tommy x Eva

Like an American (Jack x Eva oneshots)🔞

Solomons and Shelby (Diane Shelby and Allie Solomons(@raincoffeeandfandoms oc))

12 Days of Smuff🔞

The view from the window (tommy x luca, ft eva x tommy x luca)

[notyour-valentine]

Being Lizzie's lesbian lover ~ Lizzie Stark Headcanon

[Celebration] [Celebration Masterlist] [Masterlist]

Notes: This is part 2 to this request

Warning: Sexual content, mention of past sexual assault (18/21+). I do not consent to my work being translated, copied or posted elsewhere on this platform or any other.

You two meet when she is already married to Tommy for a significant amount of time

Unlike her, you are born into this life and so it comes natural to you. Like her, you are also married and in a rather traditional marriage, although traditional in the sense that you and your husband had had the much desired ‘heir’, the insuring ‘spare’ and a third child for good measure, during which he, as a gentleman had been true to you.

But when you informed him that you were done having children, you decided to move on, after all, you had never been in love in that way, but had decided to build your marriage on friendship, and the fact that everyone on both sides were incredibly happy about it so now you just added honesty to the mix. He was free to do what he liked with whom he liked and so were you.

Of course, your husband was a little concerned about unfortunate consequences on your part at first, but when you informed him that that was not something he ought to concern himself with, he had scoffed, smiled and only said “How very Greek of you”. From then on your marriage was built on honesty, friendship, companionship, devotion to your children and the kind of love that wrapped itself in and around two people, tying them together but didn’t extend to the bedroom. It was perfect. 

~

Together you navigated the social and political dance floor with ease, and in truth your marriage was better than most others that had started in infatuation, including the one of Mr and Mrs Shelby. 

Business brought your husbands together, and convenience to two of you. In truth, while admiring Lizzie’s beauty, you approached her because you pitied her. She was a fish out of water if ever you saw one and even though she was the elder, you decided to take her under your wing under the guise of playdates between your three and her two. It took her a long while for her to trust you and you find out the reason why when you make a visit to one of the charities she supported, one that helped women who had ‘fallen into hardships’, as your mother would say, although most others would use far less flowery terms. 

It is only then, after one of the women being helped recognised Lizzie from her old life, that she decides to tell you. You can’t lie, it is a shock, and you do need to have a rather strong cup of tea to calm your nerves but after a sleepless night of thinking everything through, you arrive with the children to the next playdate, finding an utterly shocked Lizzie, who had fully expected you to turn on her. When she tells you that even her husband weaponises her past in moments of rage, you want to strangle him, after all, there wouldn’t need to be sellers if there wouldn’t be buyers. It is that silent strength and resilience that attracts you to her, and the fact that she had refused to let her past make her into a hard and vengeful woman. It makes you admire and want to protect her even more. 

It is not too long later when she catches you with another lover at a weekend retreat when she wanted to return some gloves she had borrowed (having mixed up the proper attire). Now it was you who expected judgement, but instead you get a lot of questions, almost childlike, but not about the physicality of things, rather about the emotional side, and about genuine attraction to women and so you give her a stack of books, Poems by Sappho, Emily Dickinson, and even some works by Charlotte Brontë

Before long she is not content with just reading and wants to try it out for herself and she finds that female pleasure is a whole different thing when it is not demanded by a male customer. 

For that, you invite her on a holiday to a villa your father in law had bought you and your husband after the birth of your second child. You husband hated France and despised the French, so it was practically your own unless lent out to friends, like F. Scott Fitzgerald, Vita Sackville-West or Viginia Woolf. You spend a two week holiday there which is more than enough time to try out all sorts of things. And you two return at least twice a year. 

The first few weeks of your affair, you are the more guiding partner, but bit by bit Lizzie starts to gain confidence and enjoyment from taking the lead in your bedroom activities

She is incredibly good in bed and can make you melt with just a few touches, even if they seem benign and meaningless. She is also a very, very giving person, but she also derives a lot of pleasure from having control, something she has never had in any physical relationships before that. And you don’t mind giving her that, not when you know the amount of pleasure you will get from it and from knowing how much she likes it

Lizzie enjoys watching your every reaction and eye- contact, especially when you try (and more than often fail) to hold it. She loves knowing what kind of effect she has on you, both in private and in public. She will pull you aside during dinner parties, charity events and the like, just to make a point and leave you hanging. But she would always make sure it would be worth your while in the end. 

There would also be presents (with the money taken from Tommy’s account) day clothes but also expensive Parisian lingerie, sometimes with personalised lace that has her initials in it, but also jewellery, mainly necklaces, or a personalised bracelet which has a tiny lock so only she could take it off. There is also a kind of jewellery which can be worn under clothes, which you didn’t even know existed. It is often the last thing you will be wearing after some fancy event that ended with you and Lizzie in one bed. 

She would never hurt you, neither emotionally nor physically, even though some people do derive pleasure from pain - not in any way, but after a while in your relationship she does like to push your limits with sensory play and deprivation, restricted movement and overstimulation. While a bit of bondage and blindfolds are a go for you, they are hard nos for Lizzie. Situations in which she feels like she is feeling restricted in any way bring back too many bad memories. 

~

Lizzie is the absolute Queen of aftercare, like you never could have imagined, warm baths with scented oils, where she would get in with you, wash you, massage your tired limbs and take the time to wash your hair and comb it dry, even if you are dozing off during jt. She will make sure to keep you hydrated (on something other than the expensive champagne). 

That level of care had been unknown even to you, and so you try to return it in any way you can, with or without the connection to sex. Sometimes you will just talk, or you will read to her all night long. Sometimes she just needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to hold her who won’t put out demands or ask questions. 

The realisation that you love her is bittersweet- in a way, you are happy together, but you can’t really be together. Not in that way. 

Whenever things went bad with Tommy, she would come to you. You know she can’t leave him, not legally and not emotionally either, which makes you hate the man even more. Every pain he inflicted on her, every betrayal cuts twice as deep and unlike Lizzie, you refuse to forgive. She told you everything, about his affairs, about the way he treated her as his employee, and before that. You know about the nights he used her to sooth his grief, and about the day he used her as bait. You know, and the only reason for you not going through with that terrible, though thoroughly planned accident, is that Lizzie still cares for him, and that he is the father of her child. But in your eyes, she would make a far better widow than a wife. 

Your own husband knew of your liaison fairly early on, and he doesn’t mind as it fits perfectly in the framework of your arrangement (and because there would never be consequences in form of other children). He also rather likes Lizzie, as she is a very polite and apolitical person, unlike some of your former lovers who had been far more scandalous and out there than she was and he had his own ever changing affairs. He is not at all opposed to seeing her at the dinner table or in your bed (although by now he had probably forgotten where your bedroom even was) and didn’t mind Lizzie and her children joining you and your on holidays together. 

You don’t know exactly when Tommy finds out, but you do notice dark glares and glances coming from him, not that you would ever care what he thinks. He may be Lizzie’s husband, but you are her lover. You can’t get rid of him, but he can’t get rid of you either. She chose him once upon a time, but she chooses you time and time again. 

Thank you for requesting and participating in my celebration - I hope you liked what I wrote.

Thank you everyone for reading and as always, I hope you enjoyed and would love to hear your thoughts!

Taglist

Overall

@lilyrachelcassidy @jyessaminereads @chlorrox @watercolorskyy @books-livre @quarterpastmidnight  @lilyevanswhore  @polishcrazyone  @zablife  @just-a-harmless-patato  @stevie75 @flyingjosephine-blog @runnning-outof-time @babayaga67 @butterfly-skinnylegend

[eyemarchshelby]

Lizzie smoking throughout the series

Part 1

[mysticaldeanvoidhorse]

Hi!! I thought up my request (I think I’m pretty bad at these things, so you’ll have to bear with me haha 😅)

Would you be able to write a Tommy x reader where the reader lives in Small Heath during the time of the vendetta with the Italians and she somehow gets mixed up with both him and it (it being the duel between the two families)

If you don’t feel comfortable with this, I 100% understand...I just wanted to give it a shot, as you’re an amazing writer. Thanks so much in advance if you decide to take it on! ☺️💕

Hi Love!

     I am SO sorry for how long this took!  I wanted to make sure it was somewhat decent, and it took me awhile to write it.  No excuse except that I have been crazy busy!  But who isn’t?

Anyway, here it is, I hope it was worth the wait!  Thank you so much for the request I enjoyed writing for Tommy more than I thought I would!  Hopefully this is what you wanted!

taglist: @lyarr24 @epicwaterlemon

Stronger Together

     You had lived in Small Heath your whole life so it is no surprise the Shelby name was all around you.  You even were able to step up in the world by taking over Grace’s spot in the Garrison once that situation occurred.  But before then you had not been doing well, taking odd jobs here and there; anything to prevent becoming what your mother and best friend Lizzie were.  It was hard but you had managed it.  You knew Lizzie since you were little, your mothers being ‘colleagues’ and you were there when she warmed Tommy’s bed, when John proposed, and when Tommy ruined that.  You hadn’t met any Shelby’s personally, trying to stay low on any radar, but since you decided it was a good idea to become the next Grace in the Garrison, you had immediately met everyone and somehow managed to stay on payroll.  You had tried to keep your past a secret but the Shelbys being who they are and especially coming off the Grace fiasco you knew they must know who, what, your mother was before she died.  They were nice enough not to bring it up and you never offered.  For all the Shelby’s were, you appreciated that they didn’t judge a person based on their past. In fact it had been Lizzie who encouraged you to take the job, having stayed close to the Shelbys.  She was the one who had told you Grace tried to reach out and Tommy wanting nothing to do with her.  He couldn’t trust her and trust was the most important thing.  It was the number one rule that made the company work.  

      You had gotten to know Arthur and John well, Esme feeling like she could talk to you openly too which you appreciated.  You had killed Polly with kindness and she eventually trusted you.  It didn’t hurt that she was the first person you personally told your story to.  With her hating Grace you knew it was best to come clean.  Women are underestimated in what they can do and you knew if anyone were to find out it would be her.  So you decided to beat her to it and sat her down one day and told her without apology, your background.  You knew she respected you for it and from then on you knew she liked you and was on your side.  You had managed to become almost as close as Lizzie to everyone, but it wasn’t hard when you poured the booze.  However, Tommy was always distant.  You took it personally until you realized you really were the new Grace and figured out that he was hesitant to trust anyone.  You knew he trusted you enough to work there but you resigned yourself to the fact that you would never be close.  It was okay with you since you really had no intention of being more of anything with him.  Sure he was attractive, smart, loyal to a fault, and sexy as hell, but it didn’t matter if he somehow always managed to never leave your mind no matter how hard you tried you knew you never stood a chance.  Lizzie had said she was over him and you knew her well enough to know whatever history they had, they were just friends and nothing more.  So on those lonely nights when Tommy took over your mind, you knew she would never add to the endless reasons why it would never work out between you two.  Little did you know that he noticed you more than you thought…

     The Russians had come into town and being in a prime position in the Garrison, you had heard a lot of information that no one would assume you would hear.  The first time you had heard more about the priest you had told Polly one night when she was around, waiting for the boys to finally finish their business as it was brothers talking and nothing she wanted to be a part of.  You had subtly given the information to her and she had told Tommy.  You knew they appreciated the information and you became more bold in your telling them information.  No one had asked it of you, and you didn’t know if it was because they didn’t want to involve you, they didn’t trust you, or you had kept yourself so far off the radar but it didn’t matter.  You knew that you could trust them and that for all their faults they really tried to do the best they could.  Especially with their legitimate business being successful at this point.  There was just something about them that drew you in like a moth to a flame.  

     After a while you had gotten really good at passing information and a good system was in place, though you hardly ever gave information to Tommy.  It was usually to John or Arthur and they passed it on.  But they also frequented the Garrison more than their brother yet he was the one you looked forward to seeing.  You knew Tommy was standoffish and didn’t let many people in, but that changed when you were the one who somehow, by some gypsy miracle, that Tommy had ended up in the hospital. You knew something was off and you didn’t know what but you knew you had to make sure Tommy was okay.  You knew he lived recklessly and ultimately it would be his undoing but devil be damned, you wouldn’t let him die and you found him in the hospital.  That was the day it all changed between you.  He was so vulnerable and he needed you and you would die before you abandoned him.  You helped him get home and though not much was said, at least on his side, you mostly saying as many comforting words as you could, you knew something had shifted.  You were now on Thomas Shelby's radar and nothing would change that.  And that was okay.

      Once the Russian business was concluded, Tommy was still reckless but he would come visit the Garrison more often, and he even would have conversations with you.  They started off stiff and cold, but slowly they became warm and you realized that it was no longer your imagination; Tommy sought you out and seemed much more vulnerable around you.  Maybe it was because you practically saved his life getting him out of the hospital, but you assumed he would shut you out again.  But the opposite happened and you lived for the nights he would talk to you or have you join him and him alone in the private room to just talk.  He eventually told you about his mother and father, how France had changed him, and how truly hard this job was for him.  He didn’t always say things explicitly but you learned to speak his language and understood everything he wasn’t saying.  You had let yourself get your hopes up more and more, having fallen deeper and deeper in love with him.  But like all good things, it had come to an end.  He no longer came to visit you, he was back to being his cold and distant self.  It hurt and you wanted to know why, but Polly just said that is how he is and that it wasn’t anything you had done and he would wise up soon.  But you couldn’t tell if she was saying that for your sake or for hers.  But you tried not to let it affect you.  You were a survivor and with or without Tommy, you had to take care of yourself.  So you focused on Lizzie and her new relationship.

     “Hi Lizzie, how are you?”  You had met her outside the betting shop where she helped Tommy work as a secretary, he still liked to be there where his roots were.

“Hi Y/N”  She smiled at you.

“And what has got you smiling so much?”  You teased her, knowing exactly what, or who, it was.

“Oh shut it.”  She blushed.

“Going to meet your new man?”

“And what of it?”  She said, teasingly defensive.

“I bet he is just an Angel, making you smile like a girl in love.”  She laughed at your joke.

“An Angel he is.  But I have to say, he is different than I expected.  He is kind to me, and really cares what I have to say.  He doesn’t care about my previous employment..” She trailed off.  You both understood the stigma, her even more so.

“And he shouldn’t”  You said firmly.  “Besides, he probably cares more about your current employment.  Lizzie I am so happy for you, you know that but a Changretta?  And working for the blinders?  It’s a dangerous game.  You can’t play both sides.”

“I am not playing anyone.”  She got defensive.  “I am loyal to Tommy but I like Angel.”

“I am not trying to cause problems here Lizzie, truly, but at some point you are going to have to choose sides.  Are you prepared for that?”  She paused.  “I love you Lizzie, you are like a sister to me, I just want you to be smart and more importantly safe.  I can’t help it, you know how us brothel girls have to stick together.”  She gave you a pained smile.  That was a derogatory term you’d heard countless times but it became a phrase of strength for you both.  It was your past and you did what you had to survive. It meant you were strong.  You wished her luck and let her go meet Angel.  You walked inside almost running into Tommy coming out of his office.

“Y/N, come in.”  He turned back into his office and you knew it was a command.  You fought the urge to roll your eyes.  He was always so intense and you didn’t understand why he never seemed to like you.

“What can I do for you?”  You asked as nicely as possible.  He had sat down and kept eye contact.

“You can tell me where your friend is going.”  You snapped your head.

“Your EMPLOYEE left for the day.  What she does after work is her business.”  You emphasized, your internalized reaction was to protect her.   He didn’t react, just stared at you.

“This isn’t like other businesses.  Just because you leave work doesn’t mean you are off duty.” 

“I know that well.”  You kept his glare.  You didn’t want to be intimidated by this man.  You knew where he was coming from but you weren’t going to make it easy.  He could pretend to have more tact.

“I know you do.”  You were surprised at his admission and apparently you showed it because he smirked and went to light a cigarette. 

“You do?”  You tried to keep the surprise out of your voice.

“Yes, Y/N.”  He sighed.  “I know you are responsible for a lot of information we receive.  And I am thankful for it.”  Now you were really surprised.

“Interesting.”  You said and folded your arms.  “You have quite the way of showing it.”  His lip curled almost imperceptibly.

“I am not a man who has his heart on his sleeves.  If you want that you should go to my brother John.  Or Arthur for that matter.”  It was your turn to smirk.

“Don’t I know it.  But you should know Tommy, a little sincerity goes a long way.”  He turned his head slightly.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I am sure you will.  Then it will quickly leave and you won’t change.”

“Am I so bad how I am?”  You knew he was asking more than this and you knew you could be honest.  Besides, honesty is always best and when would you have another chance?

“No, Tommy, you are not.  In fact I am sure it helps your cause, never showing what you are thinking, always being one step ahead of everyone, never letting anyone get close.  Believe me if anyone understands, I do.”  He just kept looking at you with those beautiful blue eyes.

“But,” and with the word he took another drag from his cigarette. “Just because it works, doesn’t mean it is the best.  Maybe it works for your cause, but does it work for you?”  He slightly squinted his eyes.  You hadn’t realized how subtle his reactions were but they told more than any expressive motion could.

“All I am saying is that I know what it is like to keep everyone shut out.  It keeps you unpredictable and dangerous, yes, but it also keeps you lonely.  It is incredibly hard not having anyone to rely on.  And you do, Tommy.  If you would only let them in.”  You didn’t know if you had said too much and he was silent for longer than you would have liked.

“And who do you suggest I open up to?”  He asked in a way that was supposed to sound sarcastic but you had heard him talk enough to know he was also wanting an answer.

“Your brothers, but you don’t open up to them because you don’t think they understand you because they are so different.  And maybe they won’t get everything but you don’t have to tell them everything just what they can help you with.  There is Polly, who understands you more than you think, but you don’t let her in either for whatever reason.  You don’t want to open up to your family?  Fine.  Find a nice girl and fall in love.  She could help you carry your burden and believe it or not help you focus.  Love is not weakness, it is strength.”

“It seems I am not as elusive as you say I am.”

“Not as elusive as you want to be.”  You corrected him.  “And you are to most, and though you hate it, I know you better than you think. You don’t really like me, but I am loyal so unfortunately it is in your better interest to keep me around.”   You didn’t really want to hear him agree to that and with the unfamiliar camaraderie going on, you got up to leave and he let you. When you got to the door you turned to face him.  “And you know exactly where Lizzie is, so whatever test it was to ask me, know that I I know I passed.  She is my friend but you know I am loyal to you.  Frankly it hurts a little to still need to prove myself.”  And with that you turned and shut the door confidently.  You could almost feel his eyes boring into you but you didn’t care.  You had said your piece and you weren’t sorry.  He asked and he could do whatever he wanted with that information.  You had better things to do, namely go to work with the nicer and older Shelby, though he may not be the one you wanted.

     The night had gone how you had expected, the men came in after a long day at a hard job, got too drunk, spilled their secrets, and you took in whatever information might be helpful, trying to sort it to tell Polly later.  You could tell Arthur but God love him, he wouldn’t remember everything and what he did remember he wouldn’t be shrewd enough to piece together.  That was one of the appealing qualities about his younger brother.  He was so incredibly smart, beyond his class yet he was smarter than most in positions of power.  Yet he never made anyone feel ridiculous for not knowing, unless that was part of his tactic for destroying an enemy.  Underneath everything, you could tell he had a big heart though he never let anyone see it.

“How ya doing love?”  Arthur had asked you at some point in the night.

“I’m good, thanks Arthur.  How are you doing?”  You asked as you wiped down the counter when it was no longer occupied.

“I’m fantastic!”  He practically shouted, as he wiped his nose.  You knew he was using, but you didn’t say anything.  It wasn’t your place and you knew Tommy would come in soon and probably have words.

“Always glad to hear it!”  You responded enthusiastically, to which he just laughed and walked into the annex room.

     Not long after that the man of the hour walked in.  Your back was to the door but somehow you had sensed him.  You turned around in time to see the man lean onto the bar.

“Arthur is waiting for you.”   You had said.

“I know.”  Was all he responded.

“I’ll bring you whiskey in a moment.”  You told him.  He nodded but stayed.

“Can I get you anything else?”  You weren’t sure what else you could do but you hated the thought that he would leave soon.  He waited a moment before responding, giving you a chance to continue to get lost in his blue eyes.

“Just bring the whiskey when you have a moment.”  With that he turned and left.

 You had waited about five minutes at most, knowing not to keep the Shelbys waiting.  You said nothing as you put the bottle down with glasses enough to go around.  

“Thanks love” Arthur said, immediately grabbing the bottle.  You just smiled at him knowing you shouldn’t respond.

“Stay.”  Your head jerked to Tommy. “Sit.”  He got up to let you in the booth to sit next to him.  You had no idea why he wanted you to stay and were more surprised he would get up to let you in.  He never did that, not even for family.  You just did as he said, though you didn’t like feeling commanded like a dog.

The conversation continued, with business being brought up only now and then.  Tommy hadn’t said much, but you were painfully aware how close he was, since the booth was filled with the other Shelby boys. You leaned toward him.

“I don’t have much information that would be useful to you.”  He showed no emotion, just looked at you.  Your faces were very close and your breath hitched.  He noticed, eyes flickering to your mouth.

“That’s alright.”  He said, voice low.  You shook your head thoughtfully.

“I just didn’t know if that was why you wanted me in here.”  You ventured.  He looked at you thoughtfully.

“It wasn’t.”  Was all he said, gauging your reaction.

“Then why did you want me here?”  He seemed to think over his answer.

“Glad you could join us!”  John interrupted, forcing you to break eye contact.  You felt Tommy move away slightly and you hated that.  Hating yourself for hating it.

“Of course John, I know how much you love me!”  You teased.  He laughed, already long since drunk before you came.

“It’s true, so why don’t you get over here and sit by the best of Shelby men?”  He barked, Arthur punched him as best he could sitting next to him and you noticed Tommy stiffen.  You didn’t have time to wonder.

“Yeah right, we all know she loves me the bes!t”  Arthur told his younger brother.  Tommy casually moved closer, subtle enough so the boys didn’t pick up on it but you noticed.  Especially when his knee touched yours.  It lit your soul on fire and when he slung his arm behind your seat you wanted to melt.  You tried not to think into it but it was hard when you were so close.  Your hand was on your lap, practically touching his leg and your eyes widened when you felt his hand touch your pinky.  You had to remember to breathe.  What was he doing?  Out of the corner of your eye you knew he wasn’t looking at you so you didn’t look at him.

“What makes you think I love you at all?”  You addressed the two.  You saw Tommy smirk and he definitely grabbed your hand so you knew it wasn’t a mistake he touched you.  You froze but then you held it back.  You relaxed into him subtly.

“Oh you wound me!”  John fell against the seat.

“Told you she wouldn’t love an idiot like you!”  Arthur told him.  They then entered into their own conversation and you were allowed to focus on Tommy.  Your hands were playing with each other and you ventured to look at him. He was looking at you and you would have sold your soul to figure out what he was thinking at that moment.  He just kept staring at you, then held your hand tightly.  You just squeezed back, unspoken words hung between you.  

      After some time you knew it was getting late and that you would have to go home soon.  Tommy eventually had let go of your hand and replaced it with the glass of whiskey.  You figured this was the time to say something.  Arthur and John were piss drunk as they usually were about this time.

“I hate to leave the party, but I should go home.”  You said mostly to Tommy as he was the only one still sober enough to hear anything.  Without missing a beat,

“I will take you.”  He said and made to get up.  You were surprised but quickly masked your face and followed him.  You knew better than to disagree even though you didn't want to.  Arthur and John had half waved and you knew they wouldn’t leave for a while, needing to sober up first.  Tommy held the door for you, and you walked out.  

     You fell into silence but he stayed very close to you.  You tried to write it off as him making sure you were safe, but you couldn’t help but hope it meant more.  He lit a cigarette and you realized you found him more attractive with the confident action.

“Thank you for walking me home, you didn’t have to.”  You wanted to talk to him and thought that was a good start.

He exhaled smoke.  “Of course I did.  Couldn't have you walking home alone.”

“I suppose.”  You murmured.  So maybe it wasn’t as gallant a gesture as you hoped.  “But YOU didn’t have to, you could have found anyone to do it.”  You tried without sounding too pushy.

“I wouldn’t trust anyone else.”

“Why is that?”  You turned to look at him.  He just sighed and threw his cigarette.

“Because I want you to be safe and I will sleep better seeing you safe at home and not just assuming.”  

“I didn’t realize Tommy Shelby cared about me so much.”  You tried to tease.  You wanted to seem casual, trying to hide how your heart sped up at the idea that he thought about you.

“And that is so surprising?”  He turned to look at you.  You nearly faltered in your step and turned to look at the street ahead.

“I guess I just didn’t think you gave me much thought.”

“Why is that?”  He questioned in a way that made it seem like he knew the answer.  He always knew the answer to questions he asked it seems.

“Because you hardly acknowledge me and when you do it is mostly for business.  Never for…pleasure.”  You knew what it could imply but couldn’t think of a better word.  “I consider your brothers as friends but you…” You trailed off.

“And what do you consider me?”  He pressed.  It was your turn to sigh.

“I consider you a man I want to figure out.  You intrigue me, Tommy.  And I don’t know where I stand with you.”  You had reached your door by this time, and you unlocked the door but turned to face him before stepping inside.

“You want to know where we stand?”  He asked, voice husky and low, stepping impossibly close.  Your breath hitched and he had trapped you against the door.  “This is where we stand.”  With that his mouth was on yours, hungry, yearning, desperate.  You were shocked at what was happening but when you came to, you quickly responded.  You put your arms around his neck, combing your hands through his hair, relishing the stubbly hair on the side of his head. You pulled him close, and his hands were all over your body.  The kiss was passionate, trying to say what words could not.  Eventually you had to part, panting, trying to catch your breaths.

“What was that?”  You managed to ask.  He still held you close, mouth still inches away.

“That was me telling you what you do to me.  I can’t fucking think when you are around.  When you aren't, all I can focus on is where you are, what you are doing, who you are with.”  He subconsciously tightened his hold at the last part.

“But Tommy, you have never given me a reason to think you care about me.”  He sighed and stroked your cheek pulling away slightly.  You mourned the loss.

“Because I tried to get you from my mind.  I don’t want to care about you.  I wanted to get you out of my head and tried to ignore you in hopes I could forget you.  But I couldn't.”

“You have no idea what that means.  I tried to tell myself you hated me, wanted nothing to do with me.  I wanted that to make me lose feelings for you, but the truth is Tommy, I care about you.”  You dare say you loved him but now isn't the time for that confession.

“And I care about you.  Which is dangerous.  You are much safer if we aren’t together.”  You finally saw a glimpse of the war inside Tommy Shelby.  He finally opened up enough to catch a coveted glimpse of his brilliant and devastating mind.

“I disagree.  The safest place I could be is right here.  In your arms.  Where I belong.”  You said, hoping he would understand how truly you meant those words.  He relaxed and pulled you closer.

“I can’t fight this anymore.  You are mine, Y/N.”  He said in his strong and possessive voice.  You cupped his cheek, causing him to look in your eyes.

“I always have been.”  With that he pulled you into another passionate kiss.

     A lot had happened since that night.  You and Tommy spent more time together, and though it was never officially stated, everyone knew you were together.  He would always refer to you as his, his girl, love, etc.  The family teased you both and though it caused you to blush, you loved it.  You loved being Tommy Shelby’s.  It was a wonderful time, a nice bubble.  Until it popped.  Tommy had ended Lizzie’s relationship with Angel and she hated him for it.  She hated you too for a time since you were with Tommy and you supported his decision.  Eventually she came around, understanding that she could no longer walk the line between the Italians and the Peaky Blinders.  War had erupted and you had naively thought it ended when Arthur shot Vincente Changretta, but then Luca came into tow, killing John.  That had changed everything.  Everyone had mourned, but Tommy took it the hardest even though Arthur was closer to John.  But Arthur mourned while Tommy took that anger and grief and used it to fuel his fire for revenge.  He pulled away from you which hurt.  You were always able to calm him down and even Polly had said you were the only one to talk sense to him.  But even you had lost that power.  You were no longer his relief.  It hurt, but since you loved him, you would have been okay with it if he found some relief somehow.  But he never did.  He was spiraling and losing the war and everyone knew it.

     You had tried to talk to Polly countless times about what to do but she was just as clueless as to what you could do.  Eventually you knew it would be up to Tommy to pull through.  Little did you know he wasn’t going to do so anytime soon.  He had not been as open to anyone, and he had gotten into it with Polly on more than one occasion.  He had pulled away, and when John died, your relationship was all but non-existent.  You had tried to talk to him but he kept pushing you away.  When Luca Changretta had come to town, Tommy had you move into his house.  You had practically lived there when your relationship was doing well, but now it was official, for now.  You wouldn’t have minded if it had come about when you and Tommy were in a good place, but you weren’t and what made it worse was that he asked you, no told you, to move in for protection - not because he wanted you there.  At least he never said he did; you still loved him and had almost told him on many occasions, but it never seemed like the right time.  You didn’t know if that was good or bad that you hadn’t made the confession given this tumultuous time.

     John’s funeral had come and gone, and you were just as livid as Polly that Tommy used it as a stunt to pull against the Italians.  Even Lizzie was upset about it.  You knew she deeply cared about John, and knew every detail from her side of their history.  Something had shifted in Tommy, and you knew he would never be the same.  You and your mother had your own history but you were still heartbroken at the loss.  You had tried one night to get Tommy to open up to you, but he had shaken you off like he did every other night.  You didn’t want to think he didn’t care about you anymore but you weren’t sure he still loved you.  He had never told you his true feelings but you hadn’t needed him to.  He showed you every day.  Whether it was making sure you were safe, buying you gifts, spending time with you, you knew he did.  But things had changed and you knew he cared, otherwise he wouldn’t have you at the house but love?  You would need him to tell you.  What terrified you was you didn’t know if he would.

     In the meantime you had gotten to know the Gold’s and you were around for Bonnie’s training.  Arthur would spar with him every so often and you enjoyed watching.

“Looking good kid.  You will be the champion one day, there’s no doubt.”  Arthur had said after one match.

“Thanks, old man.”  Bonnie grinned.  After Arthur’s obligatory threatening of anyone knew, he and Bonnie had gotten on.  Especially when Aberama wasn’t lurking.  He cared deeply for his son and was bordering on too much control over him, but you couldn’t fault him; you would have loved to have a father like that.

“Careful, he might take you down out of spite.”  You teased, handing them both a towel.

“Nah, I would never let that happen.  Maybe once, so his pride isn’t too wounded”  Bonnie teased Arthur.

“Careful, you aren’t as good as you think.”

“I am when I have a good cheering section.”  He acknowledged you.

“Happy to help.  You are doing well, just watch your left.”  You commented.  They chuckled.

“Guess you have been hanging out around us too long, you are learning something.”  Arthur turned his teasing to you.

“What else should I do, except cheer on my boys?”  You teased back.

“Careful, Tommy won’t like that.  He is a jealous man.”  Arthur was only half joking and Bonnie grew somber.

“I am not too sure Tommy cares what I do at the moment.  As long as I am not hanging out with any Italians, I don’t cross his mind.”  You  tried to keep the bitterness out of your voice.  This had been apparent to you for a while.

At that moment, Arthur and Bonnie both looked behind you.  “Careful love, or you’ll end up in the ring.” Arthur whispered for only you to hear.  You turned around to see none other than Tommy watching.  As usual, he showed no emotion but you knew he had heard the little exchange, but you didn’t care.  Maybe he would finally talk to you.

“Bonnie, I have a fight lined up for you.  Think you are ready?”  Bonnie couldn’t contain his grin.

“Definitely.”  He said with no hesitation.

“Good.  Don’t get too hurt before then.”  With that he turned to you.  “Time to go.”  Commanding voice, no sign of emotion so it was hard to know his thoughts.  However you had been around long enough to know he wasn’t overjoyed.  You knew better than to start something there so you just followed him out of the door.  Nothing was said the whole ride back and when you walked inside, you decided not to start the conversation.  If he wanted to talk he would so you just silently made your way to your room.  It was his room too, but he hardly stayed there anymore; if he was home, he stayed in a different room, claiming he didn’t want to wake you up at odd hours but you knew that wasn’t the whole truth.

“What are you mad about now?”  He started once he followed you into the room, closing the door.  You bristled.

“What am I mad about?  The same thing as usual.  And you?  Still the same brooding ‘no one can help me because I won’t let anyone try’?  Or did you decide to be on about something else?”  You retorted.  His eyes grew dark.

“I’ve got so much on my fucking plate, why do you try to make it harder for me, eh?”

“I make it harder for YOU?  Have you ever thought that I want to help you, like I have told you a hundred times, and maybe I am sick of the fact that you don’t want me around anymore?  Because that is pretty hard on me.” You shouted.

“Stop fucking yelling, you don’t have to be so crazy all the time.”  You just laughed sarcastically.

“Just tell me Tommy, I’m curious.  Since you insist on finding everything you can that’s wrong with me, trying to make me your enemy when I have been the one person on your side every time, why you still want me around.  Clearly you can’t stand me, I repulse you so why keep me locked in your home?  What purpose does that serve?  If I insist on making life hard for you why don’t you just throw me out?  You have no problem doing that to others, why not give me the boot?”  He didn’t respond, just kept looking at you.  When you knew he wouldn’t answer you just sighed, shrugging your shoulders in defeat.

“I am so sick of fighting you all the time, Tommy.  I hate it. I don’t want to keep doing it but you won’t talk to me and when you decide I am worth your time, you try to start a fight.  I am so tired.  I can’t keep doing it.”  You sat on the bed, not looking up at him.  You knew he was looking at you.

“I can’t either.”  Was all he said.  You dared to look up.

“Where does that leave us then?”  You asked, defeatedly.  Before he could answer a knock came at the door.

“Come in”  He barked.  The maid entered.

“I’m sorry to bother you sir, but Mr. Solomons is here, and you said that when he arrived to tell you immediately-”

“Yes.”  He said, effectively dismissing her.  He never took his eyes off you until he turned to reach the door.  Right when he opened it you stopped him.

“I loved you, you know.  I have since before you ever walked me home that night.  I loved you through the death of Vincente, the death of John, all of it.  And I would have loved you forever if only you would have let me.”  You figured you had nothing to lose, the confession came out of nowhere but it was true nonetheless.  Might as well part ways leaving nothing left unsaid.  Ironic since it was a lack of communication driving you apart.  You half hoped he would turn around and say something, say he loved you, that he was sorry, that he knew, anything.  But that wouldn’t be your Tommy.  Thomas Shelby now.  You no longer had a claim on him.  He stared straight ahead and as always, showed no emotion and walked out the door, and effectively, out of your life.

     He had long since left you, but this was official now.  You might as well take what little was left of your pride and do something for yourself.  You packed your belongings and decided for once, to leave him first instead.

     You weren’t simple enough to go back to your home alone, knowing the Italians could and would still use you as a target regardless of your issues with Tommy so you went to the only place you could.  Polly’s.  She welcomed you readily, and she blamed Tommy for the whole thing saying she was surprised you hadn’t come sooner.  You had always appreciated her straightforwardness.  You went to bed that night feeling good that you had the strength to finally leave but heartbroken because no matter what, you knew you would love Tommy.  You didn’t sleep well and it showed when you joined Polly the next morning for tea.  You weren’t very hungry and she didn’t press you.

“Thank you”  Was all you said when she handed you your tea.  You blew on it.

“Tommy called.”  Was all she responded.  You stopped for a moment.

“I figured he would.”  You said.

“I told him you were here.”  You looked up at her.

“I didn’t expect you to lie.”  You countered.

“He probably will come over.”  She still showed no emotion, studying yours.  You just hummed.

“I won’t stop him, but you should talk to him.  I will kick him out if you need.”  She got up, probably to welcome Tommy who was coming soon.  You knew you would need to talk to him but you didn’t expect to do it so soon.  Honestly, you knew he didn’t like things not going his way and you leaving was not in his plan; at least you thought.  But you also didn’t want to go back just because that was what he wanted, nothing to do with your relationship.  And you would tell him. 

     When he knocked, Polly let him in, you hadn’t gotten up, still finishing your tea.  He sat at the table with you, staying silent for a moment.  You just sipped your tea, maintaining eye contact.

“You left.”  Was all he said.

“Yes.”  You responded.

“I didn’t think you would.  In fact I never counted on that.”  You raised your eyebrow and scoffed.

“Is that because you thought I was too weak to leave, or did you truly not realize how much you broke my heart?”  You were proud that you kept most of your emotion out of your tone, having been around the Shelby’s enough to keep monotone even when you were seething inside.  He didn’t respond right away and it tore at you to not hear what he was thinking.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.  I never want to hurt you.”  

“I’m curious how you thought breaking my heart wouldn’t hurt.”  He just sighed.

“You need to come home.”  His use of home didn’t escape you.  He hadn’t used that word in a long time.  When everything was good between you two, you talked about being together and being home etc as lovers do but recently it was ‘let’s go’ or ‘you need to go back’, never home.  It was one of the many ways he had detached you two.

“Home, yeah?  Is that my home Tommy?” You asked pointedly, expecting an answer.

“Of course it is.  Been your fucking home for over a year.”  He lit a cigarette.  You knew him well enough to know he did it to hide any nerves.

“No, it is where you have kept me, it hasn’t been home for a long time.”  You countered. He took a long time to blow out his smoke.

“Being a bit dramatic, eh?”  You knew he was baiting you.  You had gotten used to arguing and almost started to enjoy it because it had been the only way you two communicated anymore.

“No, I am just stating facts.  And I know the only reason you want me back is because me leaving wasn’t part of your fucking plan.”  You couldn’t hide the irritation in your voice.

“No, I want to protect you.  You know that. The Italians still want to hurt us and that is the safest place for you.”

“I am safe here with Polly.  And I am not convinced you even care about my safety anymore.  So that means you have a different plan that you won’t let anyone in on and I am sick of it.  So either you tell me what is really going on or just fuck off.”  You put your tea cup down harshly.

“I always have a plan, and you obviously are part of it.  You are always involved in my plans and you used to love that.”

“I used to love it.”  You repeated, slowly nodding after repeating his words.  “No Tommy, I loved being involved with you, when you let me in.  I loved when you would tell me your plans, but now you can’t stand to be in the same room, even now you are agitated and you know that I know you well enough to pick up on it.  So to save you from my presence which clearly agitates you to no end, you either tell me what you got planned or again, you can just fuck off.”  You told him again.  He looked at you for a moment, clearly not used to you giving him ultimatums.  Part of you would have thought it turned him on, you trying to take control so he could force you into submission. It was a game you used to play.  Seems like a lifetime ago now, but you weren’t playing now.

“You will come home with me.”  He stated with more aggression.

“Hmm, still won’t tell me what’s in your beautiful mind will you?”  You said, vulnerably.  You saw something flash in his eyes, remorse?  But you both put your walls up again.

“Guess you’re going to have to fuck off then.”  You made to get up, and he quickly blocked your exit.  You couldn’t hide the hitch in your breath when he got so close.  He peered down at you.

“Why are you making it so difficult for me, eh?”  He said.  He was so soft you knew he was referring to something more than just you not wanting to go back with him.

“Why won’t you let me in?  What are you so scared of?”  You said softly, slowly moving your hand to his cheek.  You caressed him tenderly, and for a moment he closed his eyes and leaned into your touch.  In this moment you knew he still cared about you and you wanted to cry.

“I just want to protect you.”  He whispered so quietly you almost didn’t hear him.

“Then let me in.  Pushing me away does neither of us any good.  We are stronger together Tommy.  You are my strength, let me be yours.”  For a moment you thought he might, but as quickly as the moment came, it went.  He grabbed your hand and lowered it from his face, not letting go.

“Trust me.”

“Trust ME, Tommy.”  You responded, almost pleaded.

“Either you come back on your own, or I will have to take you myself.”  His walls were back up and you knew he wouldn’t lower them again.  You sighed, knowing that what was broken wasn’t going to get fixed.

“I do trust you Tommy, but I am tired of you not trusting me.  So either you learn to, or we have to stay apart.  Whatever this is, isn’t good for either of us.  Besides, if we aren’t together then you no longer have to worry about me.  I will no longer be a piece in this game you play against Luca Changretta. I suppose that would be easier for you.”  You smiled sadly.  “I will stay with Polly.”  you squeezed his hand one last time and walked away with your head held high.  You could cry when he left.  And it broke your heart when he did.

      You had heard about the boxing match between Bonnie and Goliath from Polly.  You knew she talked to Tommy and most likely knew his plan, so when she said you had to come, you knew you had no choice.  Just because you weren’t with Tommy, didn’t mean you weren’t on his side. You came into the arena with Polly and met up with the rest of the family.  Tommy had to be elsewhere before the fight started and honestly you didn’t care where he was.  Part of you wanted to see him but part of you knew that if you did, you weren’t sure you would be strong enough to stay away again.  You knew meeting up would be inevitable but you wanted to wait as long as you could.  You decided to use the bathroom, hoping you could calm your nerves for the reunion.  You took a few breaths in the mirror and decided it was what it would be.  So you gathered all the confidence you could, happy with yourself for looking extra good for the evening.  It had been a while since you got dressed up.  As you opened the door to the bathroom, you stepped outside a few steps and ran into the all too familiar face.  You were surprised to see him in the now empty hallway.

“Tommy”  you said in surprise.  

“Hello Y/N”  He said, showing no sign of emotion, as per usual.  But you caught him looking you up and down and you thanked God that you wore the sexier of the two dresses.  Thank God for Polly for helping you choose.

“Good luck tonight”  You said, meaning more than just the match and he knew it.

“Thank you.”  You made to move past him, but he gently grabbed your arm.

“Y/N, I-”  But you shook your head.

“Please Tommy.  Don’t.  I can’t bear it.”  You let out a shaky sigh.  “I know that something is going on, something you refuse to tell me.  I accept that you will never want me as close to you as I want to be, and I know that you need me here for some reason.  And I will always help you, I will be here and play whatever part I am supposed to play, but please.”  You took another shaky breath.  “Whatever you want to say, don’t.  I can barely survive now and I don’t know if I can even make it through the night.  I am putting on a smile and doing whatever female bull shit you need me to, but if I have to hear anything else I will break.  I can’t do it, I am not as strong as you think I am.  I can’t hear how you feel bad, love me, or worse, you don’t have any sweet nothings to say to me, just business as always.  I can’t bear it.”  You whispered the last sentence, with tears pooling in your eyes.  He looked so lost it almost broke you.  Part of you wanted him to say something but you respected him all the more when he didn’t.  He just sighed, nodded, and loosened his grip on your arm.  You managed to not fall apart, just giving him a sad smile, and walked back to your seat.

     The fight occurred, and you enjoyed it despite yourself.  Then Arthur was killed and you were shocked and motionless.  Polly managed to get the ladies out and to safety.  The only thing you wanted to do was go to Tommy but you knew that couldn’t happen and it hurt all the more.  However much time later, Polly had let you in on some secrets.  Tommy was going to get the best of the Italians and you were happy that the whole ordeal would be over.  Of course that wasn’t the only reason she told you, she had said you needed to go to the distillery and meet Tommy and Luca Changretta there.  You weren’t sure why, just that your presence was required and of course, you went.  You walked in, seeing Tommy, Finn, and Polly.

“Thank you for coming” Tommy said as you walked up to him, nodding at Polly as his thanks to which she returned.

“I didn’t have much choice, did I?  Is this it?”  You asked him.

“This will be the end, I promise.”   You hummed.

“Then you won’t need me around anymore.”  It was a statement made with no emotion, save pondering.

“That will never be the case.”  He said fiercely, grabbing onto both your arms.

“Could have fooled me.”  You searched his eyes for what, you didn’t know.

“You have to believe I never wanted to hurt you, but I had to.  I will explain when this is over.”  This was more than you had ever received from him.  Before you could ask him what he meant by that, you heard footsteps.  Tommy immediately put you behind him and you all prepared to see the Italians walk in.

     The men made some insults then got down to business.  You tried not to seem shocked that Tommy would sell his distillery but then again, you didn’t know much.  The hardest part of the whole thing was watching Tommy on his knees.  You knew he had a plan and wished he would just get on with it and stop playing around.  Everyone was getting too excited.  Then it happened.  You were always amazed how Tommy could speak.  He commanded the attention of everyone in the room and somehow he was always three steps ahead.  He went on about a rival in Chicago and Luca Changretta was not happy.  You were prepared to hide should a gunfight occur.  This wasn't your first.  Good thing too, because out of nowhere Arthur came in and before you could process it, Tommy had grabbed you and made sure you were safe.  Not long after, Luca was dead on the floor and you were glad it was over.  You gave him a brief glance but didn’t need to see it.  You still had some innocence left.  You let go of Tommy and ran to Arthur.

“I can’t believe you are alive!”  You said, hugging him.  Then you slapped him for not telling you.

“Sorry love, only a few people could know so it wouldn’t get out.”

“I am used to being left out”  you told him wryly.  Polly smirked.

“Sorry love, but I did tell Tommy to at least tell you that he didn’t mean to break your heart and that it was all planned and-”  

“Arthur”  Polly quickly cut him off.

“What are you talking about?”  You asked him.

“I thought Tommy talked to you.  Bloody hell brother, you really are fooking all this up.”  Arthur said, and you turned around to see Tommy wiping his face.

“You are right, Arthur.  I should have, but I needed to protect her.”

“Would someone please tell me what the bloody hell is going on?”  You practically shouted.  Arthur, Polly, and Finn left and took the hired Italians with them.

“The reason I needed you here was once this business was sorted, I couldn’t wait another second to be with you.”  Tommy said.  No one moved.

“Just tell me the truth.”  You begged him.

“No more fucking around.  I love you with all of my heart Y/N.  I only broke your heart because Changretta threatened you.  Believe me when I did my best to ensure you were safe but there were a lot of things going on.  He wanted me to hurt you or he would.  And I knew he could do it.  I haven’t been that out of control and he knew exactly how to get to me.  The only way to keep you safe was to make you believe I didn’t love you anymore.  It killed me to do it.  I hate myself every second of every day for it but it was the only way.  I am so sorry.”  He took a small step towards you, but you stayed rooted to your spot.  You didn’t know what to say, it was a lot to take in.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness or your love, but I am a selfish man.  I need you and I want you too.  If you can somehow find it in yourself to forgive me, I will be a better man, I promise you  this.  I wanted to tell you, but it was too far in.  I couldn’t risk it”  He took another step.

“You could have told me, I play along with all your other strategies.  Why couldn’t you tell me the most important thing?”  You asked.

“I couldn’t risk it.  If you seemed even a little bit unbroken, he would know and he would hurt you.  That’s why I wanted you to stay at the house.  You would be miserable but you would be safe.”

“But that’s just it, Tommy.  I wasn’t safe.  You effectively killed me.  I was a dead woman walking.  I wanted to be killed.  That would have been kinder.”  Your voice was breaking but you willed yourself to stay strong, despite the tears starting to flow.

“I am so sorry.  I wish I could have been better.  I wish that I could have ended that bastard months ago.  But I couldn’t.  Not without retribution.  I would rather live without you than have you die.  You need to be alive and safe.”

“But I was neither, not really.  He didn’t have to kill me.  You did”  Your tears were freely flowing and you saw that his eyes were glossy too.  That shook you the most.  Seeing Thomas Shelby be human.

“I was desperate and wasn’t thinking.”

“For one who thinks too much you really didn't think about this.”

“It is because you are my one weakness.  I love my family, I am still a broken man over John, but if I lost you..”  He stopped, choking on the words.

“But you did lose me.”

“I hope not forever.”  He looked at you with an emotion you hadn’t seen on him before - fear.

“You say you will change, but you say that each time.  You go back to old habits once another threat is made known.  And there are a lot of threats.  You don’t let anyone in, you never did and I think you never will.  If you love me, treat me like it.  You tell everyone, even Finn who is too young, but you won’t, you can’t, let me in.  Maybe we are better off apart.”  It hurt to say it out loud, but you had been thinking that for a while. 

“That is not true.  We are stronger together.”  It wasn’t lost on you that he repeated your words.

“Stronger.  That’s why you pushed me away.”

“I swear to you, I will prove that I need you.”

“I don’t doubt you do.  But you need a lot of things that you live without, and I am no different.”

“That is not true, Y/N.  You are all I need.  I can’t live without you.  These past weeks have been hell.”

“And you knew the truth, what about me?  Imagine it, imagine not knowing everything.  I never do but I always stick by you!”  You shouted.  “I am so tired.”  You cried.  You started to let it all out and you didn’t have the strength to stop it.  He immediately came to you and when you let him hold you, he held you so tightly, and it felt so right.  

     After some time, you calmed down and looked up into his eyes to see he had been crying too.  Then it hit you. You needed Tommy too.  No matter what he did, you would always need to be with him.  But that didn’t have to mean you would or should.

“Here’s the thing, Tommy.  I love you with every fiber of my being.  That will never change.  But I can’t, I won’t do that again.  I deserve better.”

“I know, I will let you in.  I will do anything.”

“You better.  The second you don’t I am gone for good.”  And you meant it.

“Whatever you need.”

“You tell me everything I want to know.  You cannot leave anything out.  You will start trusting me with the business.  You are not protecting me by keeping it from me.  I am your partner.  We are in this together.  I know it is hard for you, but this is the real deal, it’s you and me, not just you.  As soon as you decide no longer, then that is it.  And I mean it.”

“Deal.  Whatever you want.  I will do better, I can do better, and you deserve everything.”  He kept holding you, stroking your back.

“Then take me home, Tommy.  I am tired and I need you.”  He smiled for the first time in months.

“Yes my love, whatever you want.”  He placed a kiss on your lips, and in Thomas Shelby fashion, actions spoke louder than words.  And somehow you knew, things would change.  You would be sure of it.

[cosmic-crybaby]

Blue Skies - Tommy Shelby

Chapter 16: 'You're No Good For Me'

Warnings In This Chapter: Hinted affair, mentions of blood, manipulation etc etc. ANGST

Masterlist:

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It took you almost twenty minutes to calm your children down.

Reassuring them that things were going to be okay. But even you yourself were unsure. Giving them a tight hug and a kiss goodnight, making sure to tell Frances to stay with them until they fell asleep, before you entered the bedroom.

You didn't want them to hear the absolute terror you were about to unleash.

Thomas sat on the bed, his jacket discarded and his white shirt somewhat unbuttoned. His hand was still wrapped in the blood-stained cloth from the dining table. You harshly slammed the door behind you, making the room rattle, approaching him and stopping to stand in front of him with your arms crossed.

“You lost your temper with my kids, Thomas…That can never happen again, do you understand?” 

He only nods once before he purses his lips and looks up at you.

“Your kids are out of control,” He stated with raised brows and condescension behind his words. Your brows furrowed in confusion. 

“They’re fuckin’ kids! That is how kids behave when they’re tired, hungry, and disappointed,” You listed. He arched a brow at you. 'Disappointed' he repeated with a bitter laugh.

“I told you I wasn’t ready for this, didn’t I? I warned ya…I fuckin’ warned ya,” He pointed a finger at you with his non-injured hand before he stood up and struggled to unknot his tie with one hand, taking strides to his wardrobe. You stood in your place as you stared at him, bewildered.

“It’s not that hard to ask for help, you could have asked your Aunt or your sister for help, but it’s a little too late to turn back now,” You shook your head in disbelief.

“Yeah, I am sure Aunt Pol would have some great advice on how to discipline your kids for you,” He simply said with a small glance. Perplexed, you screwed your brows together. 

“Don’t you dare,” You seethed.

“What?” He taunted, walking to his wardrobe to put his clothes away. 

“Don’t you dare blame my kids, the only person acting like a child tonight was you!” 

He exhales heavily as he slammed the door to the wardrobe shut before turning to you, the obvious frustration on his face. His normal glacier eyes were dark like the darkest depths of the ocean as he wore a stern look on his face. He approached you, at least a few inches away from your face. Under any other circumstances, he would just be a kiss away. And everything would have been forgotten.

“I’m acting like a child?” Shock laced his question.

“Yes, you are,” You argued. You looked down and reached for his wrist, bringing it up to show him. “You slammed your hands so hard, that you broke a fucking glass and you cut yourself…you threw a tantrum just like a fuckin’ baby,” He jerked his hand away from you. He wasn’t in any pain, his anger numbed it.

“I have made big sacrifices for you…huge fuckin’ sacrifices, I am behind on my work because I spent all my time with you-” 

“And you think I haven’t? I have to commute at least forty minutes back and forth everyday,” You interrupted. 

“And that wouldn't have been a problem if you just took everyone’s advice and hired someone to help you,” He said quietly. 

You took a deep breath before speaking again. 

“You walked into my family…my beautiful family that took years to grow and create, one that you would have started by now if you had any strength, courage, or restraint,” You stepped back from him, glaring at him with disgust. “Esme was right, you’re unstable…I get it…work is hard but that does not give you the right to act the way you do,” 

“And how is that, (Y/n)?” His condescending tone was pushing you closer and closer to the edge. Your blood boils with every second. 

“Oh, would you like me to list it off for you, Thomas?” You asked. “Your terrible temper, your unstable mood, your drinking problem, and the fact that I found snow in your office and opium in your nightstand!” You yelled. 

He chuckled.

“Ah, after all this time…I still stand by what I assumed,” 

“Which assumption would that be? Because you’ve made so many,” You laughed. You stood far away from each other. You were by your vanity while he leaned against the bedpost. 

“You pretended to be drunk to get me to fuck you, get you pregent,” 

You both fell silent. The only noises in the room were your heavy breaths and the crackling of the wood in the fireplace as the flames cast an intimidating shadow upon your face. Your chest heaved up and down rapidly as you gulped down the lump in your throat as your hands moved to rub your stomach, protectively as the baby began to move about and kick. 

“Oh God…How could you say that?” You asked yourself as you turned away from him. You held your hand over your mouth to side the sobs as you bent over, one hand leaning on the vanity. Thomas slowly approaches you and attempts to hold you. 

“This is just an obstacle…eh? Listen to me…Listen to me (Y/n), I am sorry I shouldn’t have said that, this was only a setback,” 

You pulled your arms away from his touch. Overwhelmed by everything around you. His smell, his touch, his voice, the hot temperature of the room, the weight of the baby, everything had you wanting to just tear your hair out and scream. 

“No…No this isn’t a setback, Thomas…this is a fuckin’ disaster!” 

“I warned you that the stress of what I do and the stress of this is going to ruin our relationship-” 

“The stress of what?” You asked, turning to him with tears in your eyes. 

“Having a baby together,” He answered. You shook your head. 

“No…Three…” You held up your shaky hand, showing three fingers. “Thomas…Three children!” 

“I didn’t even ask for one!” His voice boomed.

“You act like you’re the only one who fucked up their life,” 

He shook his head before he sat down at your vanity chair, picking up a cigarette to rub it across his lips before lighting it.  

“I guess that’s what happens…” He took a deep breath. “When strangers get drunk and fuck,” he exhales the smoke. 

You paused and swallow thickly. Your eyes scanned him. Until you spotted the red smudge on the collar of his shirt, the red and purple spots on his clavicle. Everything seems so clear now. Your eyes began to tear up as you gasp in doubt.

"I knew it," You muttered as you looked away. Thomas lifted his head to look at you.

"I fucking knew it!" You shouted, picking up a glass perfume bottle and raising it to throw it at him, Thomas quickly leaves the vanity chair and rushes to the washroom, dropping the cigarette as the glass bottle shattered against the hardwood as it merely missed him.

"What the fuck?!" He shouted from behind the door. He could only hear you shouting, crying and the loud crashing of only what he assumed was you breaking the valuables on the vanity. He scrambles to look in the mirror, cursing to himself as he looked at the love-bites and the lipstick that were evidently clear now that he was sober.

"You're a fucking coward Thomas Shelby!" You cried as you leaned against the door.

"It was nothing (y/n), you're overreacting!"

You chuckled sourly. leaving the door to sit on the bed. Thomas cautiously opened the door, looking out into the room, the broken glass of the beauty products were haphazardly spread across the floor. There you sat, tears glistening on your cheekbones as you looked down at the floor.

"(y/n)…please," He held his uninjured hand out as if you were a wild animal. You tsked and roll your eyes at him.

"Oh please, Thomas..." You mumbled.

He threw his hands up, breathing heavily.

"Humor me, Thomas..." You started, slowly standing up. "Who was it?"

"I don't know what you're-"

"Stop lying for one second and tell me!" You snapped. He blinks, his body seemed less tense as he conjured up the courage to tell you.

"You know who," He simply stated.

"At least have some courage and say her fuckin' name...you owe me that at least,"

Thomas licks his lips and looks down. Suddenly feeling brave he says her name. It felt like a curse leaving his lips.

"Lizzie Stark,"

You nod bitterly, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“I’m packing my shit and I’m leaving…tonight,” You told him, turning back around to pack whatever little you had left into a trunk. He watched as you then went into your children's room to wake them up and help them pack a small bag, fetching some maids to help you take them to the car as you threw whatever gifts, dresses, jewelry, other materialistic things he got for you onto the floor. Throwing your coat on as you made your way down the stairs with Frances’s help. Your children, although confused and still tired, sat in the backseat of the company car, knowing this was the last time you would have that kind of luxury. You sat in the middle as they rested their heads on your shoulders and cuddled into your sides. A single tear escaped your eye as the car began to take off down the long entry path. If only Thomas knew of the agony you felt in your heart.

Thomas stood outside, watching in somberness as you left. Without a goodbye and second glance. You and Thomas had argued before, of course but it never got this bad. It was always resolved by the morning, but he feared that this was the last time. 

He wanted to cry, scream, and yell over the fact that he really fucked up his last chance with you. He loved you more than words could say. As the car disappears into the dark distance he retreats back inside. 

"Should I assume she is coming back, sir?" Frances asked. 

"That...I am unsure, Frances..." He shook his head. 

"Please get some rest, Mr. Shelby...have some peace of mind," 

And so he did. He tried at least. He cleaned up most of your mess but as he laid in bed he held the engagement ring between his fingers. You had left it on your vanity before you took off. 

Oh how beautiful it would have looked on your finger when you got married. 

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[dearshelby]

One more bc I love this concept so much! B for Lizzie please!

She wouldn't have to get messy with me I'd just throw myself at her 😌 That hand it's actually mine ↓

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling? + Lizzie Stark

That depends on how old she currently is! She's 19 in s1 and pretty much harmless, that remains in s2 until she gets r*ped. That was a great turn in her mindset and evokes a protectiveness she didn't have before.

The fact is when Lizzie loves, she loves hard and doesn't let go at all easily, but she doesn't have many violent bones in her, she threatens any competition down in a harsh tone and people usually stick to it because she's related to the peaky blinders.

However, if they don't, she spins out of control, it can go from catfight to fully unloading a gun on that person, usually it doesn't go beyond that.

When it comes to her S/O, Lizzie is all about guilt trip, she'd NEVER physically harass them, all she does it's bring up her hard past, the fact no one truly loved her and that she'll be all alone if they leave her, it's a painful experience for everyone and an honest belief of Lizzie since her self esteem is very low.

[divinekangaroo]

last night i dreamt that somebody loved me - pettiot - Peaky Blinders (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

Ch 1 / ?

S4-E6. What happens in the months between Tommy deciding to run for a parliamentary seat and his successful election outcome.

This is how Thomas Shelby proposes marriage to a whore: he doesn’t.

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Explicit | Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark, Polly Grey, Ada Shelby, Charles Shelby, Ruby Shelby | Post-Birth Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Anachronistic Chinese Restaurant, Class Issues, Anger Issues, Profoundly and Mutually Poor Communication Skills, Probably Non-canon Compliant Shelby Grandparent and Parent Backstory, Swiftly Averted Lactation Kink, Mild Post-natal Depression (Lizzie’s got the Morbs)