Ineffable May, Day 22: 1941
Rated Teen for spicy tension and one mild language.
Crowley lounged on the little sofa of the dressing room, trying not to listen to the rustle of fabric coming from the other side of the changing screen. When a pair of tan trousers were neatly draped over the top, and the black ones tugged down to disappear behind it, he tried (and failed) to not imagine a half-naked angel sliding socked feet into each leg one at a time.
“You know, you really should go take your seat in the auditorium. It’ll raise suspicion if you aren’t there for the first half of the show. We wouldn’t want anyone else in the audience to realize you’re my, what we call in the business, ‘confederate.’” Crowley heard the quotes around the last word, and cringed at his own reaction. What was it about this fussy, enthusiastic side of Aziraphale that caused a swarm of butterflies to take flight in his chest? It had been that way for so long that he’d lost track of when it had begun. In Rome maybe, with the oysters? His mind slid past that, back to that old basement and the ox rib. The butterflies kicked up, threatening to swirl lower down his corporation. Nope. Best not to dwell on that for too long…
“Sure, if that’s what you want, angel. But, maybe I should stick around until you’ve finished changing into your costume? To, er,” Crowley scrambled for a reason to justify his unwillingness to simply saunter out of here, to give up this chance to be in this room alone with Aziraphale, “To have another set of eyes to look over things? Could be useful.” There was a pause in Aziraphale’s movement, and Crowley held his breath. He only let it out when the angel replied.
“Yes, alright.” The words were quieter, a little slower. He didn’t have time to figure out what that meant because the angel stepped out from behind the screen. Crowley stood, suddenly unable to stay still.
“Well, what do you think?” Aziraphale took up the little bit of floor space the cluttered room offered. There was a hopeful, unsure look on his face. He spread his arms a tad, and the sparkling starbursts on his sky-blue cape twinkled in the lights from the vanity. The butterflies in Crowley’s chest settled, replaced by a warm glow.
“Marvelous,” he said, and meant it. Aziraphale smiled, relief flooding in with his happy nervousness.
“Crowley, I can’t thank you enough for this.” Aziraphale took a step forward, and Crowley tried his best to not give in to the temptation to close the rest of the distance between them. “If it weren’t for you…” They both jumped at the loud rapping on the room’s door.
“The show’s starting, Mr. Fell.” A bored voice sounded from the hallway. “You’re on in fifteen.” The speaker didn’t wait for a reply, and they both heard footsteps trail away.
“Well, um. I guess I should…” Crowley gestured past Aziraphale to the door. “Like you said, don’t want to give the game away.”
“Yes, I suppose you should.” Aziraphale nodded, but didn’t move to let Crowley pass. Instead, his eyes remained on the demon’s face. Crowley saw a question in them, and felt his own breath catch. “Before you go, perhaps you could help with my stage makeup? I never can,” Aziraphale cleared his throat and swallowed before continuing. “I never can seem to get the mustache even on both sides.” So quickly it surprised Crowley, he leaned over to the vanity’s desk and snatched up a kohl pencil. Was he imagining it, or did Aziraphale’s hand shake when he offered it to Crowley?
“Er, mmm, uh, yeah, okay, I’ll, uh, I’ll see what I can do.” Crowley mentally kicked himself as he stumbled his way through agreeing to the angel’s request. He took the makeup stick, and his pinkie made contact with Aziraphale’s hand. Sparks flew up his arm, just as they did when he’d handed over the book satchel after the bomb, just as they did when the beaming angel had grabbed his hand in the magic shop. Aziraphale took another step forward so that he was close enough for Crowley to reach. He tilted his face up and closed his eyes, apparently waiting for the demon to start.
Crowley thought his corporation might just spontaneously combust at the sight. He deposited his glasses onto the vanity and took a steadying breath, realizing only too late that Aziraphale could probably feel his exhale. He lifted the pencil and placed it just above the angel’s lip. Slowly, he drew a curved line ending in a little curl. Aziraphale didn’t react, staying perfectly still under the movement. When Crowley tried to start the second side, his hand was too unsteady.
Without really thinking about it, he slid his free hand around the back of Aziraphale’s head to brace himself. He froze at the small gasp of surprise the touch elicited. Pale pink lips parted, and stayed that way. He waited, but Aziraphale didn’t show any signs of wanting him to remove the hand. Unable to look away from the delicate beauty of Aziraphale’s cupid’s bow, Crowley completed his task without knowing if he had achieved the even appearance asked of him.
When he lifted the pencil from Aziraphale’s cheek, he glanced up to find gray-blue eyes looking into his. The question was still in them, and Crowley wanted more than anything to answer it. He felt Aziraphale sway forward, and his fingers gathered the soft curls they had buried themselves into.
“Angel, I…” Crowley’s voice came out as a hoarse plea. He had to know if this was alright, if this was what Aziraphale wanted, too. Did he really see the smallest of nods?
The clomp of heeled shoes and the peal of women’s laughter penetrated the wood of the room’s door. The first number was over, and the dancers were returning to their own rooms to change. Out of instinct, Crowley’s eyes flicked towards the unexpected sound. He felt Aziraphale stiffen in his touch. He looked back down to find the angel blinking, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.
“Thank-” Aziraphale was breathing heavy, like he did when nervous. “Thank you. That was most helpful.” Crowley’s heart sunk. It had been too much, afterall. He released Aziraphale and stepped back. He retrieved his glasses and returned them to his face.
“Don’t mention it. I’ll see you on stage.” With that, Crowley slithered his way around the angel and slipped out the door. He nearly ran into a human holding a clipboard. The man raised his eyebrows in a knowing look. He even had the audacity to wink at Crowley as he knocked on the door.
“Five minutes, Mr. Fell.” Crowley curled his lip, growling at the human for his puckish impertinence. Unintimidated, the man merely snorted a laugh and walked off down the hallway. Crowley straightened his already impeccably arranged tie, settled his features into an approximation of bored nonchalance, and made his way to the audience. He had better get himself together if he was going to be of any use to Aziraphale in this damned foolish bullet catch trick.
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Ineffable May: Day 22
1941
so im pretty sure Neil Gaiman had literally confirmed that 1941 was when Aziraphale fell in love with Crowley, but i can’t believe that’s ALL.
like, if Crowley fell for Az in Eden, i REFUSEEE to believe Aziraphale first starting loving Crowley in the rubble of that church in 1941. that’s too much of a gap.
everybody and their mama knows that Crowley and Aziraphale love each other, but there was definitely a large period of time where they thought the feelings were not reciprocated. i also think Az had MANY complicated feelings on this.
from the scene before the beginning, i assumed Aziraphale just thought of Crowley as a handsome/pretty/attractive/whatever Angel, and figured that’s all it was, just a crush. and since Crowley was (presumably) a higher ranked Angel than Az, he didn’t think it would go anywhere and didn’t bother trying anything.
in Eden, Aziraphale recognized Crowley and freaked out because he was like “oh man, this guy is still attractive but now he’s a demon. it’s definitely not going anywhere.” but the feelings were still there. he was definitely crushing on this demon but didn’t want to admit it to himself.
naturally, as time went on, the two grew closer. it grew increasingly harder for Aziraphale to ignore his feelings, but nonetheless, he pushed on. it wasn’t until that night in 1941 when he was forced to admit (to himself) that he truly loved Crowley.
TLDR: Aziraphale was crushing on Crowley and was rejecting his own feelings until 1941
thank you for listening to my ramblings :)
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