#NerfwireVault

[nerfwire]

NBA 2K23 Will Let You Cut Players For Anti-Semitism

Listen up, NBA Fans: the best and only basketball video game series just announced a huge new feature for 2K23. The most beloved aspect of the game for anyone who’s bored with MyPlayer is Franchise Mode, in which you can take the Charlotte Hornets from 23rd place to 17th place. To further enhance the franchise experience, however, 2K has announced the ability to cut players for anti-Semitic remarks—finally! Read the full article

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Anti-Trans Game Director Unsure How To Take It Up With Entire Programming Team

Game director and proud “super-straight” Jordan B. Skeeterson has expressed concern over a daunting new task: sharing his transphobic views with his entirely transgender programming team. Read the full article

[nerfwire]

Man Feels Deep Shame As He Enters Podcast Promo Code

Local sicko Scott Ruper was forced to look deep into the dark abyss of his soul earlier this week as he performed one of the most humiliating acts a human being can do: entering code COOLBOYS10 for a 10% discount on novelty underpants.  Read the full article

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In Response To Criticism Of Overwatch 2, Blizzard Announces Overwatch 3

“When I think about what I'm most unhappy about, there's really two things: The first one is we didn't live up to the high standards that we really set for ourselves,” announced real actual Blizzard president J. Allen Brack, in a real, actual speech. “The second is we failed in our purpose. And for that, I am sorry and I accept accountability.” Read the full article

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Sorry Guys, I Have To Quit The Guild Because My Antidepressants Worked

Hey everyone, I just want to let you all know that I need to quit the guild. It’s been fun, and I have no regrets. But unfortunately, as great as y’all are, I’ve started taking a new antidepressant and it works really well for me. I’ve found that I just don’t have time to make pixels attack other pixels seventy hours a week, while spending money. I hope you understand. Read the full article

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It Happened Again: This Guy I Met In A Video Game Turned Out To Be Really Racist

Well shoot, it happened again. I met this really cool guy playing Halo on PC, and then he turned out to be unbelievably racist. Read the full article

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Anime Villain Checks Blood Sugar To Know Exact Percentage Of Power Used In Fight

A scrappy hero struggles to stand up, having given his all while fighting the alien invader Gormak, who stands over him, smirking. “Heh, not bad, kid. You actually made me use 17% of my power.”This was the scene yesterday during the anime Melatonin Dreams. What was not seen, however, were the unsung heroes: Gormak’s support team, checking his blood sugar levels to know the exact percentage of power he used during the fight. Read the full article

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Riot Delegates ARAM Balance To Unpaid Intern's 9-Year-Old Cousin Jeremy

Fans of League of Legends’ ARAM mode often feel like they take a back seat to the main game. However, that’s about to change. In a recent press release, Riot announced that they have fully delegated ARAM balance to an unpaid intern’s nine-year-old cousin named Jeremy. The prepubescent ARAM fan and Paw Patrol enthusiast was tapped for the job after impressing at a “bring your family to work” day. Read the full article

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Amazing Console Mod: This Guy Made Game Boy Completely Stationary

Before the Switch, there was the Game Boy: the groundbreaking console that helped Nintendo revolutionize gaming forever. But now, a fan has revolutionized it all over again by modifying his console to become the world’s first-ever fully stationary Game Boy. Talk about epic! Read the full article

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Opinion: Goku Was American Because He Almost Died Of Untreated Heart Disease

It’s time to wake up and face the music. Goku, the hero of the Dragon Ball series, is clearly and inarguably American. There are many signs pointing to this conclusion, but the most damning is the fact that he very nearly died from untreated heart disease. Read the full article

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Shang Tsung Confirms Rules Don't Say Dog Can't Mortal Kombat

Today, Shang Tsung sent a murder of crows across the realms announcing that, after a thorough analysis of the rules, a dog can, in fact, participate in Mortal Kombat. Read the full article

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Amazon Cuts Out Middleman With New Service Of Just Paying Someone To Pee In Bottle

Amazon Prime users are in for a treat, as the e-commerce giant has just announced a new service: Amazon Drop will allow customers to cut out the middleman and just straight up pay someone to pee in a bottle. Read the full article

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Musk Abandons Another Child

Elon Musk has officially backed out of his deal to purchase Twitter, walking out on the social media platform the same way he walked out on his other neglected children. Read the full article

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Motherboard Needs Exactly One More USB Port

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Wholesome! Old Yeller Game Lets You Pet The Dog Before You Blow Its Fucking Brains Out

Great news for doggo lovers: we just played Penguin Classic Studios’ video game adaptation of the iconic children's novel Old Yeller. It's official: you can pet the dog, before you splatter its brains all over the back shed with a point-blank shotgun blast to the head. Isn’t that adorable? Read the full article