#OBE Cast
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A completely unique copy of the original
Orphan Black: Echoes premieres June 23 on AMC+
#Orphan Black#Orphan Black Echoes#Clone Club#Cosima Niehaus#Siobhan Sadler#Felix Dawkins#Sarah Manning#Kira Manning#Jules Lee#Lucy#Lucy OB#Tatiana Maslany#Maria Doyle Kennedy#Jordan Gavaris#Skyler Wexler#Keeley Hawes#Amanda Fix#Krysten Ritter#OB Cast#OBE Cast#OB Spoilers#OBE Spoilers#OB Edit#OBE Edit#my gifs#sestrahulk
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baby, no attachment || j.m
summary - jj tells you that you're belong right next to , but denies what you have the next day. was it all casual?
warning - f!reader, angsty, the pain that comes with casual relationships.
should i make a part 2? ☺️☺️ comment if so! y'all idk how to make my stuff longer, i hate how short my works r



the night before was beautiful, jj had seen a part of your soul. sat on the docks by kildare, with your legs hitting the water. jj was right next to you, the night unfolded with soft whispers and lingering touches.
you were talking about the suffocations of being from a kook family, the expectations, the standards, and how they control you. it got too much sometimes, and you can't help but feel like you don't belong.
jj looked at you fondly, a confused expression on his face. "i don't get it..." he started, running his hand through his hair.
"you've got it all, don't you?" he asked, eyeing you up and down. you smiled at him lightly, nudging him in the side.
"do i?" you challenged, looking into his blue eyes as you leaned forward slightly. he chuckled lightly at your jab, as you continued to speak. "because it doesn't feel like it. not when i have these expectations on who i should be, held above my head, told what to want."
jj's jaw tightened, he knew it all too well. the feeling of wanting freedom, albeit his prison was a different kind. he shook his head no, wrapping his arm over your shoulder. "then, you don't belong there."
you looked at him for a moment, a soft smile lingering on your face. "hm... and where do i belong?"
the question hung heavy in the air, an unspoken tension that lies between the two of you. he had a smile on his face, pulling you closer with his arm on your shoulder. he kissed your forehead before looking into your eyes.
"here. with me."
the night before had panned out so perfectly, so beautifully. you can't help but feel anger, anger that curled in your chest like smoke from the dying bonfire. you didn't know where you stood with him— and maybe that was the problem.
the boneyard was alive, a blur of kooks and pogues dancing and laughing like there wasn't a barrier between them. your friends surrounded you, their sharp, mocking voices cutting through the night
"loser" you're best friend called you with a laugh, as she noticed you looking around for a certain blond. "hanging around him? he's a lowlife!"
you ignored her, pretending her words didn't sting. jj made you feel real—like you weren't just another strung up kook with a curated life. what you had with him was real... or so you thought.
quickly excusing yourself to find a drink, you slipped through the bustling crowd, rubbing your hands over your arms for some comfort. you scanned around, looking for familiar faces, hoping to find his. and then you did. jj stood by the keg, his blond hair messy and his easy grin lighting up the night.
his friends, john b and pope, laughed loudly as their voices carried over the music. jj leaned casually against the keg, a beer in hand. he looked like he belonged—a slap in your face that this was his world, and you were an intruder.
"yo, what's the deal with you and that kook...y/n?" he asked, teasing. you stood there frozen, with your heart pounding.
jj didn't answer right away, taking a sip of his beer instead and looking away.
pope chimed in, agreeing. "yea, isn't she like, out of your league?"
jj rolled his eyes at that, his smirk faltering. "we're not together." he said casually, his voice cool. "jus' talk to her sometimes."
the laughter around them died slowly, his friends looked at him with disbelief in their faces.
"what?" jj groaned, shifting uncomfortably under his friends weird faces. "m'serious! there's nothing between us."
you stood there appalled, frozen as you watched the scene. you felt your heart drop, at how easy he could brush you off like everything was nothing. you turned away before you could hear anything more, before any of them could see you from afar.
the lump in your throat grew as you walked away, you could hear them talking behind you but you didn't look back.
what you didn't know was john b slapping jj on the head, because he spotted you right as you walked away. "shit, man! she heard everything!"
#obx#jj maybank#jj x reader#obx cast#obx fanfiction#obx fic#outer banks x you#jj maybank x reader#outer banks#outer banks fanfiction#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank fic#jj maybank x you#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank x oc#jj maybank x pogue!reader#jj maybank x routledge!reader#jj maybank x kook!reader#jj imagine#jj maybank ob#s4 obx#obx season 4#rafe obx#obx x reader#obx4#jj obx#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x kook!reader#rafe cameron x reader#jj maybank angst
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LONDON, ENGLAND - MAY 10: Saskia Reeves attends the Apple TV+ BAFTA TV Brunch to celebrate excellence in global storytelling and creativity, at the 180 The Strand on May 10, 2025 in London, England. (Photo by Dave Benett/Getty Images for Apple TV+)
#saskia reeves#catherine standish#catherine is the cutest#london#england#may 10#apple tv#bafta#bafta 2025#bafta tv brunch#the strand#louisa guy#rosalind eleazar#christopher chung#roddy ho#slow horses#slow horses cast#slough house#slough cast characters#jonathan pryce#the OB#the ol bastard#david cartwright
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They say pictures don’t hurt but this one does; cause where the F is Owen😭😭😭
#this just feels incomplete#besides that i miss them all T_T#loki#loki series#loki show#sophia di martino#tom hiddleston#ke huy quan#owen wilson#loki cast#loki tv#loki laufeyson#sylvie#OB#emmy 2024#emmy awards#loki season 2#loki s2#emmys 2024#emmys
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it's actually sooo annoying that there are now shows like our flag means death that are like so queer friendly and are literally built around queer identity and queer romance because the creators are mostly all queer or queer-adjacent and so those stories get told (mostly) the way they deserve, with real queer plots and payoff and it's a new phenomenon!!! like just by making a few heartstoppers or a couple good omens my brain has now started to believe that we can have queer media! and i seem to forget that for the early half of my life any and all queer shipping in media was delusional and unlikely and never going to happen. because there are shows like loki that are not made for queer people and it's actually the norm! it's always been like this! and yet the queer audience are the driving force behind the whole fucking show and it's like we've timetravelled back to 2011 when you could only HC a gay ship bc there's no way it would ever be real on screen. and it's like okay! i get it! you don't want two guys kissing on a disney show! but you're telling me you don't even kIND OF get some fruity vibes from those two guys??? like it's so insane to think that if another studio headed up the loki show or if they'd hired (more?) queer writers or they had the freedom and capacity to do it Less Disney it could have been something else? like god that's so sad and unfair and it's no wonder being queer was so hard and sad when i was growing up like even if you saw the Queerness in some piece of media, the creators would turn right around and gaslight you and tell you that you're insane to believe you see a glint in the eyes of two men and now in the year of our lorde 2023 i have to admit that i finally finally understand the johnlock shippers and oh my god guys you were so brave wtf
#like don't get me wrong i fucking love ofmd and im so glad they get to do that!!!!#but imagine if loki had a real queer crew (and cast?) (???) making a queer story like the character deserved that#and it's shit that they even spent any time trying to retcon and claim that Disney Loki is genderfluid or bisexual or any of that#because clearly they were not going to let that character do any of that#hell even sylvie and OB and casey all deserved to get some queer storylines#anyway.#i need to shut off the loki brainrot or i will be stuck here forever like goddamn mobius#loki#personal
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A very funny new photo!!😃😃
Thanks to Gabifrederique on Ig (she is part of group)
She wrote: "And just like that, we are movingInto the theatre this group of people is so incredibile talented and brave and courageus. I can't wait for you to see the magic we are creating"
#eddie redmayne#cabaret#august wilson theatre#kit kat club#the emcee#cast#group#funny photos#we can't wait#nyc#broadway#best actor#oscar winner#obe#talent#the theory of everything#the danish girl#newton scamander#stephen hawking#rehearsals#olivier awards#les miserables#fantastic beasts
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ich geh heut cats the musical gucken (danke düsseldorf) und ich glaub ich werd fr die komplette show durch heulen. ihr versteht nicht wie schlimm meine cats phase war, ich war noch nie mit irgendwas so intensiv obsessed mit etwas wie mit diesem beschissenen musical. und heut seh ich's live. brb gonna cry
#bin jetzt schon am überlegen ob ich das geld was ich nicht habe nehme und nochmal gehe#like wann krieg ich das nächste mal die chance die auf englisch zu sehen???#und mit so nem banger cast#cats the musical#düsseldorf#deutsches zeug#german stuff#bla bla bla
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I don’t know if I should be sad that the Broadway principals + Holli are leaving or excited because the Aragon principals are coming back. 😭
#six the musical#six broadway#six aragon tour#I love the 22-23 Broadway cast sm 😭#but I also love the Aragon tour and they were the queens I saw in person#(minus Jasmine and Didi but I did see Jasmine’s HoS OB tiny desk and OMG)#six brainrot
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i was thinking of my suzerain live action casting choices, and how ever since i watched spotlight i've felt that rachel mcadams is the perfect nia, so i googled her to look for some pics, and like

is this not literally ms. nia morgna?
#suzerain#THATS KINDA CRAZY thats literally her#hand on your heart suz character artist was she your inspo#i feel like i'm 99% sure on rachel as inspo for nia and florence pugh as inspo for lucita#but maybe thats just me lmao#ANYWAY amendment to the live action casting choices post: obs forget about brie larson. rachel is nia 100%.#then for gus i want jeremy strong. wouldn't that be so fucking great. [kendall roy voice] i just came here to say. yo.#symon would be the guy who plays mr green in clue. with black hair obvs but yeah.#not only are they physically similar but the way mr green keeps getting hit in the movie compells me. thats symon battling the economy#(he's losing)#and then manus is manny jacinto......because Hot and Charming#and thats all i have for now i will be on the lookout for more. im still mad i dont have a ciara aaaaa.
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New look at Krysten Ritter as Lucy in Orphan Black: Echoes
#WE'RE GETTING MORE NEWS TOMORROW AT NYCC#Krysten Ritter#Orphan Black#Orphan Black Echoes#Clone Club#OB Cast#OBE Cast#Lucy OB#New York Comic Con#Comic Con
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Yuuna: Her defense against magic and effects of blot
To be clear Yuu is not in anyway resistant to the effects of blot or the effects that her classmates magic has on her when aimed at her. She just doesn't have any real defense over the two so unfortunately she just has to go with the basic defense of trying to actively avoid the person's spells and any oncoming blot by running away or out of range of the line of attack (if there happens to be one).
She doesn't have a way to fight against the blot however, and as such, Yuu has been infected with it several times the blot gradually growing inside Yuu since her first encounter at the mines with the blot monster. Again though rare there are times the effects of blot will leak out into her personality leaving her thinking less of herself or in a random outburst when her freshmen friends are getting into a fight. Although the blot within her is not able to feed off any sort of magic and be able to burst it out in those moments of distress a deep animalistic sort of growl will arise from her throat when she is particularly annoyed or frustrated.
Yuu does not fully understand how it is she makes that noise and is not yet aware that there is blot living within her at this time.
#//Maybe it'll seep out more when Grim OB's ;)#//But wanted to make it clear Yuu is affected by blot and spells cast on her#//Just because she isn't magic doesn't mean it doesn't affect her#cause you're a sky full of stars || hc's
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i love a clone i rly do. itis not a coincidence that 2 of my most notable recent media interests were clone related
#maybe more than 2. idr. dont ask me questions#ob and The video game. ive literallysaid the game b4 i dont kmow why ive gone back to not saying it#Well i do. the fans r so fucking annoying and i fear if i said ppl would assume im like the annoying fans but im nottt i just think the#games qwesome and i rly like extrapolating the world building and Yes the mc fascinates me and i think shes awesome and ok yes i think the .#enemies. r awesome. und badass. im not SAYING anything else dont ask. but i just like 2 think abt kt. and well. famously clone related......#spoilers i suppose if you dont know tha ti always forget that you dont know that from the beginning. but itslike. preeeeeetty bighuge its#one of those spoilers that like. well maybe not. i was gonna be like its one of those Spoilers that will usually be involved when#recommending the game. but idt so actually... so whatevr. all ill say is clones r involved. YIPPEE!!!!#um and in orphan black i dont think i rly need to explain the clone involvement. its kind of . Look at the cast and what roles they play#nd it will make sense. i guess
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Catherine & Jackson
S1e6 Follies
S1e6 Follies
Standish, Ho, Guy, and Harper are still at the Smithfield café. They call in information about the kidnappers vehicle, but realize they’re not able to do much more from there. Harper and Guy take off in the direction the kidnappers vehicle, while Ho and Standish set off to find Lamb, using Ho’s tracker.

Roddy and Catherine are seen approaching Lamb’s vehicle with Lamb and Cartwright inside. Ho knocks on the glass directly in front of Lamb’s face.
How the fuck did you find us? – Lamb
Roddy grabs the tracker from Lamb’s tire well to show him.
Well, put it back. It’ll come in handy if it gets nicked. - Lamb
They haven’t cuffed us. You must have the photographs. – Standish
Yeah. We checkmated Taverner. – Cartwright
Were you planning on telling us? – Ho
No, I was enjoying not seeing you. – Lamb
Where are Min and Louisa? – Cartwright
Well, Ho tracked out a way to track the kidnappers. Min and Louisa are chasing after them. – Standish

My orders were pretty clear. Do fuck all! You’ve let two Slow Horses tear off in a doomed attempt to try and not make things worse. – Lamb
*you’ve LET two Slow Horses… as if she was left “in charge” of the Slow Horses in his absence. Or that the others would immediately obey her requests/demands on his behalf!*
I didn’t let them. Jackson, they’re autonomous beings. – Standish
I just hope they only get themselves killed and don’t set an orphanage on fire. Keep tracking that van. Let me know if it so much as changes lane. – Lamb
Think they’re headed here – Taverner is speaking to a “dog”… while walking outside where Lamb’s parked. Lamb sees her and drives up to her and Duffy… Taverner is looking at Standish and Ho left standing in the street.

They’re headed to Harwich. – Lamb
How did you know? – Taverner
Black used an old legend to hire a van. Ho accessed the van’s theft locator. They’re on the A12. Nearest port is Harwich. Standish and Ho will give you all the various. I’m off for a kip. – Lamb
Lamb drives off while glancing into his rear view mirror while River asks if he’s not really going to go to bed; Taverner is seen marching straight over to Standish and Ho, who are standing in the middle of the street, followed by two of the dogs.

*My observation here is that Lamb keeps glancing at the mirror where Standish is approaching Taverner. I believe this is because he is concerned that Taverner, as mentioned last episode, will use his secret(s) about Partner as leverage with Standish, and get her to turn. Now, we know that Standish will ask, be denied, and then make her dramatic exit – but again… this is my personal headcanon as to why he’s shown looking at them in this scene.*
You have something for us? – Taverner
That’s the van’s plate number and the ID for the theft locator – Ho, as seen handing papers to Taverner, who is making her way next to Standish.
They’re going after the kidnappers, aren’t they? God, men are such boys. – Taverner

Ma’am, while I appreciate you offering to include me in your circle of sisterhood, I’ll have to decline. Unless you want to fulfill the promise you made and tell me what you know about Parner’s death? – Standish
That ship sailed, Standish, when you pulled a gun on one of my Dogs. Just think, if you’d returned my call, you’d be back at the Park tomorrow. - Taverner
And why on earth would I want that? – Standish
Taverner walks back to her vehicle.
Standish pulls Ho around and walks away… in need of her dramatic exit.
Roddy. – Standish
What? – Ho
Shut up and keep walking. – Standish
Where? – Ho
Slough House. – Standish
No, but that’s – Ho
I know it’s the other way, Roddy, but I was in dire need of a dramatic exit. – Standish

Ho looks back to see if Taverner is watching.
Do Not Look Back! That’s just what she wants. – Standish
Taverner is shown watching them walking away, as Standish planned.
Jackson and Cartwright are seen driving down the road while on the phone with Roddy who informs them that the Van is 20 miles ahead of them, Min and Louisa 10 miles ahead of them. Standish is seen standing behind Ho as he explains he was nearly able to hack into the Park’s feed. Jackson tells him to stop talking, but Cartwright asks about Sid. Lamb grabs the phone out of Cartwright’s hand and throws it in to the backseat.
What the fuck? – Cartwright

Standish is seen picking up the phone in surprise to the call disconnecting like that.
Lamb attempts to be sensitive and explains that Sid is gone. Cartwright is visibly upset. Lamb tells him to count himself lucky, explains that he’d lost a baker’s dozen by Cartwright’s age. How it was after the wall came down. How he hasn’t forgotten any of them, and he wouldn’t forget Sid.
Besides, she was the only one of you - - Lamb
Who wasn’t complete shit. Yeah, Yeah. You - you’ve said that. – Cartwright

Lamb is seen smirking to himself a bit here.
Any rate – moral of the story is, get used to death. Cause you’re gonna see a lot more of it. And if that scares you, then open the door and roll out now. – Lamb
Slow Horses save the day… and are seen returning to Slough House. Jackson enters first to find Standish and Ho watching the news about how the kidnapped boy was saved by an MI5 operation. Lamb lights a cigarette.
Well, I suppose well done, us. – Standish, said while looking quite proud of the team. Jackson is seen heading out of the room.
I’ve got a bottle of wine in the desk if anyone wants to celebrate. – Harper. Jackson turns around at this…
Celebrate? What? – Lamb
Well, we saved him. – Harper
How? You - - You were useless – Lamb
I tracked the van. – Ho
Yeah, to Harwich, where the Dogs were waiting for him. Thanks to me squeezing Lady Di. – Lamb
Yeah, well, I actually did save him. Whilst he was being shot at and threatened with an axe. – Cartwright
The kid saved himself, with a rock. – Lamb
I just love these team talks, I really do. – Cartwright
Lamb fights off a smile before declaring Come on, everyone. Back to Work!
It’s Saturday. – Standish
Then everyone piss off! – Lamb
Harper and Guy consider a drink but decide to postpone and meet later for a date. Roddy and River discuss Sid and the fact that there is and never was a Sid Baker in Mi5, so that lil mystery is left hanging. Jackson is seen reviewing the photos of Taverner and Black at his desk. He says “All right.” Into the telephone, and puts the folder in a plastic bag. River is feeling feelings in his office when Lamb is seen leaving the office, and going down the stairs. Duffy pushes Reporter guy in front of a bus. Jackson Lamb is seen leaning against a stone structure, when Taverner walks up from around the corner.
Diana – Lamb
Jackson – Taverner
Well done. Managed to keep the name Alan Black out of the headlines.
The exchange is made – Taverner gives Jackson a file and takes a file at the same time.
Never existed. You mean Dermot Radcliffe, Son of Albion. – Taverner
Hassan didn’t overhear anything that might poke holes in that? – Lamb
Possibly. But his student debt’s been cleared, and his comedy club is about to receive a large anonymous donation. – Taverner
Do you know what boils my piss? – Lamb
Taverner makes a face but doesn’t speak.
Is that you won. Boy saved, you get to look like a hero. Made your boss look like even more of a hero. – Lamb
What are you gonna tell Standish about what’s in that file? – Taverner

*just to note* this is intentional… he got his secret file, Taverner got hers, but still she asks him “what are you gonna tell Standish about what’s in that file?” to me this indicates that this file is not just the exchange of information, but at the center of his relationship with Standish. This is woven throughout the books/series – and part of what makes their relationship so interesting to me. Little by little we learn about his and her versions of who and/or what Charles Partner… really was. And I think it’s spoken out loud here because it IS the only weakness we are privy to in regards to Lamb, and Taverner knows it.*

Lamb shrugs.
And the photos on Cartwright’s phone? – Taverner
Deleted – Lamb
Can I trust you on that? – Taverner
Can I trust you didn’t make a copy of this? – Lamb, said as he begins to walk away
I’m assuming you don’t want Struan Loy back. – Taverner, who remained standing where she was.
Well, you put him in a very difficult position, Diana. Betray me, get back to the Park. Or don’t and be cast into the wilderness. – Lamb
He betrayed you, so wilderness. – Taverner

Fuck Yeah! – Lamb
And River Cartwright? – Taverner
Lamb is seen listening but does not respond and walks away.

Lamb is seen coming up the stairs with the file in his arm. He gets to his floor and sees that Standish is still in her office, light is on, movement is seen behind the frosted glass. Lamb goes into his office, pulls out the file “EYES ONLY” sticker on top. Opens it to review the internal report on Charles Partner’s death, the pictures of Charles Partner, Catherine Standish, and Jackson Lamb are seen before he buries it in his desk drawer behind other files and a bottle of whiskey.
Now Jackson has his jacket off, is seen in his shirt, about to put a cigarette on his mouth, sitting on his sofa, in his office. He lights the cigarette and sits back placing his feet upon the table in front of his sofa, arms out, head back. (the sound of opera music as found blasting in Charles’s Partner’s house is heard slightly increasing in volume)

Standish is seen in her office, pacing, we see her memory of walking into Partner’s home, bringing him his suit, we hear the voice of Diana Taverner telling her that there are things Lamb hasn’t told you. She remembers finding the body and the sensation of wanting to run away. She finds herself running out of her office and into Lamb’s office.
Lamb is seen with his arms out and head back, slowly lifting it as Standish walks into his office purposefully.

Standish is fiddling with her belt and keeping her head down trying to make it clear that she wants answers.
What was Taverner going to tell me? – Standish
For fuck’s sake. It’s – It’s Saturday. Haven’t you got other people’s cats to steal? – Lamb
What aren’t you telling me about Charles’s death? – Standish
Nothing – Lamb, he tried…
I don’t believe you. I should have read the signs. Should I? – Standish

Lamb says nothing, just looks at her… with pity?! / concern…

Standish is seen suffering with her memories.

Tell me. What don’t I – Standish
I gave him the gun. – Lamb, … looks uncomfortable, but tries to maintain his composure
Why? – Standish
Lamb is shaking his head
Because he asked for one – Lamb
Lamb looks away
And he was my friend. (Standish is seen listening, as Lamb continues) This was after the Wall came down. Cold War scores were being settled. And he told me he’d seen some old unfriendly faces. I thought he was being paranoid, but … you know, what if I was wrong, and he ended - - Lamb.
Lamb is seated and looks up to Standish’s face, as if to check if she’s buying this.
Standish is listening, looks into Lamb’s eyes maybe… but says nothing.
Well, it threw my mojo off. Put a dent in my armor. I – I didn’t want to be in the field. I wanted to be a civilian even less. – Lamb, again he looks up at her before continuing his story and looking visible uncomfortable discussing these particular memories.
So… this is why I asked for this place. – Lamb, shrugs and leans back, arms over the back of the sofa.

Somewhere where I could run out the clock. Nothing matters and no one gets hurt. – Lamb, who is looking up at Standish’s face.
Standish says nothing but appears to be grateful for Lamb opening up about Partner and what … happened… at least according to Lamb… at this time.
Lamb looks uneasy under her observation and starts to bite at the inside of his cheek.
Oh, come on. One of us has to leave the room now. – Lamb, looking up at Standish.
And I’m just too fucking tired. - Lamb
Standish finally walks to the door, but pauses before leaving his office. Lamb is seen looking at her as he hears the door open. She says nothing, just looks at him for another second, before turning to leave, closing the door behind her.
With Standish gone, Lamb lays down on the couch while smoking a cigarette. The sound of water rushing is heard and we see Partner’s bathtub filling. Partner turns on his opera music and makes his way to the bath. Partner slides into the bath and has his eyes closed when we an arm in a black suit, with black gloves on push Partner down into the water. Partner is surprised and flailing in the water, comes up and instinctively gasps for air, mouth open wide so that the gun can be fired into it. Jackson is seen grimacing next to the tub, trembling and visibly shook as he places the gun in Partner’s hand, backing away slowly. Jackson is seen exiting the building, removing his gloves and sits into a parked car where David Cartwright was waiting for him.
Is it done? – the OB
Yeah. And so am i. – Lamb
If they find out… - the OB
Lamb looks at the OB in utter disbelief!!
How would they find out David? It’s just you and me in this car? – Lamb
They are rather good at their job. – the OB
Well I hope for your sake, they don’t – Lamb
The OB is seen driving off while Lamb heads off on foot. Jackson is seen with eye closed… they open and the weight of what he’s done seems to weigh on him. He takes a drag off his cigarette and shakes some ash off onto the floor… Theme music starts… S1 is over!!!
*just wanted to wrap up S1 since I started it lol - I will go ahead and work ahead and after S4 wraps up will continue with S2-S4! As always, your thoughts, comments, feelings and ideas are so very much appreciated! ♥
#standish x lamb#lamb x standish#standish & lamb#lamb & standish#catherine x jackson#jackson x catherine#catherine & jackson#Jackson & Catherine#saskia reeves#gary oldman#lamb x standish breakdown s1#slow horses s1#slow horses s1e6#Follies#Slow Horses S1e6 Follies#slow horses cast#slow horses spoilers#slow horses couples#diana taverner#kristen scott thomas#charles partner#The OB#river cartwright#roddy ho#christopher chung#jack lowden
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I don't see how people can even be a passingly-pleased fan of movies and tv now, they're just mass-produced soulless junk the creators can't even enjoy making. just the degradation in the past 5-10 years alone is insane, just look at the difference between orphan black and she-hulk
#Tatiana maslany baby they did you so mf DIRTY when we know how GOOD YOU CAN BE!!!!!!!!!#watching ob rn after seeing gifs and video of she-hulk is so sad for fucking real#they did the opposite of enrichment for her and she literally played over half the damn cast in ob...........
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𝐃𝐀𝐖𝐍'𝐒 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

- zayne x reader
as dawn breaks, a new chapter begins. now husband and wife in the truest sense, both of you embark on the path of happiness together. yet, bittersweet loose ends remain still. will they eventually stay in the past for good, or cast a permanent shadow over your lives?
genre/warnings: 18+ suggestive content—minors do not interact!—fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, pregnancy & sex, mentions of complications related to pregnancy, brief description of childbirth (c-section), hunter!reader (not l&ds mc -> l&ds mc is zayne's late ex-girlfriend here)
note: part 2 to nocturne of twilight. my god, i honestly didn't expect it'd turn out into another 8k fic but here we go :')
Lately, Zayne has come to realize just how much joy you bring to home when you’re happy.
Your smile and giggles simply light up the place.
And moreover, you get happy at the simplest of things—head pats, his snowmen... Even when he responds with jabs just to get a rise out of you, there's always a part of his heart that softens.
Today began just like one of those joyful days. He dropped you off at the Hunter Association base before heading to the hospital, and later, he planned to pick you up and perhaps stop for macarons on the way home—
Or so he thought, until...
"Hello, Dr. Zayne! Sorry for startling you. Can you come to my office? Your wife just collapsed and she is brought here."
. . .
Zayne raced to Dr. Munson's office on the third floor, panic gradually overtook his every step. His mind whirled with all the possible reasons you might end up at—
Ob-gyn office. Wait, what?
The realization struck him just as he flung open the door to his colleague’s office.
"Ah, the man of the hour has arrived!" Dr. Munson greeted him with an ear-to-ear grin.
Zayne gave a quick nod but bypassed him to head straight to the bed where you were.
You looked pale and sluggish, your eyes squeezed shut. He immediately took your hand in his, interlacing your fingers, and you opened your eyes in surprise to see him there.
"Zayne..." you murmured, giving his hand a gentle squeeze and offering a faint smile.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice filled with concern as he gently touched your cool cheek.
"A bit dizzy..."
Seeing you so meek made something inside him lurch. Just this morning, you had been full of life, pouting and playfully teasing him, and now you looked so exhausted.
"Well, maybe you already know this, Dr. Zayne, but still, congratulations!" Dr. Munson clapped his hands merrily. "Your wife is pregnant!"
Pregnant. Zayne stood frozen for a moment. In truth, while the very thought flitted in his mind from the moment he walked in, it didn't make it less surprising all the same. "I see..."
Then he turned to look at you, and to his surprise, you looked away, a shy smile played at your lips, as if you were trying to make yourself as small as possible.
A child. You were with child. His child.
"How far along?"
"Almost ten weeks, give or take. Well, aren't you the one who knows the most?"
"Is she alright? Anything I need to watch out for?"
"Ooh! How sweet!" Dr. Munson laughed crisply. "The cool-headed Dr. Zayne is worrying about his wife! The nurses are going to have a field day when they know this~"
Zayne shot him a look, but didn’t miss a beat as he retorted, "Of course I am."
You looked up at him silently, your heart fluttering at his earnest response. Zayne had always been resilient, but now he seemed more dashing than usual as he fired questions after questions at Dr. Munson about you and the baby.
Baby... both of you were going to become parents. It still felt surreal, but with Zayne’s warm grip on your hand, it began to feel real. You were almost giddy.
But then, it struck you— the baby was around ten weeks.
Then it meant the day of the conception was that night.
. . .
“Here, hold onto me.”
Zayne opened the door to his car and supported you as you carefully stepped out. You were still unsteady on your feet, so he returned you back home to rest rather than heading back to the Hunter Association’s base.
“Have you been feeling unwell these past few days?” he wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you made your way inside. “Usually, the symptoms have been noticeable for a while.”
“Hmmm,” you pursed your lips, feigning coyness. “I... don’t think so?”
Zayne quirked an eyebrow, sending you a withering stare as he realized your ruse. “So you have.”
“Hehe...” you flashed him a sheepish grin, causing him to shake his head in exasperation and pinch your cheek. “Ow!” you squeaked, quickly bringing your hand to your face.
Zayne stifled a smile, then gently guided you to the sofa. He crouched down in front of you, meeting your gaze as he took both of your hands in his.
"You need to tell me these things from now on, alright?" he said, and his steadfast gaze made butterflies flutter in your stomach.
"We..." you started, steeling yourself, "are going to have a baby," you gulped, feeling heat spreading to your cheeks.
He was unfazed. "Mm, we are."
You shifted uneasily, avoiding his gaze. "Are you... happy?"
Your voice wavered at the end, and your hand felt clammy. Suddenly, your stomach too twisted with nausea. Who would've thought that you would conceive a baby from a night that he called a mistake?
However, Zayne tilted his head, seemingly taken aback. "I am."
"Huh?"
"I am happy," he repeated, blinking back at you. "Are you?"
You gaped, caught off guard by his candid response—but then again, when had your husband ever been anything but straightforward?
"But you don’t seem happy!" you accused, pursing your lips. "You’ve been frowning the whole way home."
He shot you a flat look, his expression unchanged. "This is just my face."
You continued to pout, and Zayne sighed. His frown softened as he gently cupped your face, making you look up at him.
"You silly girl, what husband won't be thrilled when they hear that his wife is expecting?" he caressed your face, before poking it. "I'm just worried about you, you still look pale."
"You..." your eyes found his uneasily, at a loss of words. "But this baby is…" Your gaze dropped, anxiety swelling. "From… the night of—"
Your response stunned him, and you didn't dare to look him in the eye. It was still something that gnawed at you inside, because what if—
What if he thought this baby is a mistake?
In that moment, understanding dawned on him. His ashen eyes widened in surprise. You braced yourself for his reaction, but then—
His hand rested on your head, patting you gently. "You carrying our baby..." he faltered, gazed fixed on your averted eyes and then lips. His voice came almost in a whisper:
"This... is the best thing that has happened to me."
Thump! Your heart soared, warmth flooding through you in that very instant as you met his gaze. On the contrary, Zayne felt a crushing weight seeing the tears shining in your eyes. How deeply had he hurt you before that you’d doubt his feelings?
"I promised you that I’ll treasure you better," he said, pulling strands of your hair behind your ears. "This time, let me prove it to you."
Somehow you felt like crying at the sheer sincerity in his words. "You... like the baby?"
A gentle smile touched his lips as he took your hand and pressed a kiss to it. "I do. Truly."
"I... am so happy too," you finally choked up, the first tear slipping down your cheek. You quickly brushed it away, feeling a bit silly for tearing up. "I... have always wanted us to be a family..."
Zayne pulled you into his arms, letting out an exasperated but fond sigh. "A certain someone really does like to cry... And now with a baby on the way, am I going to lose my mind worrying about both of you?"
"Hmph," you wrinkled your nose. "A certain dad-to-be better work on his skills to express himself better, then."
"I'm going to focus my energy on more important things, such as thinking of all ways I should do to keep you from getting into trouble."
"...? I don't get into trouble!"
"You stumble even on empty air, I've seen it myself."
Two years ago, you had envisioned your happily ever after with him, and then you weren't sure if you would get it at all. And now, as you walked towards a new beginning together, you were wholly certain.
At least, that was what you thought.
The days following the reveal of your pregnancy were filled with bliss.
Only that, sometimes... you ask for tall order—
"Zayne... I want that plushie..."
"We have tried it three times already. That machine is rigged."
"B-but! Look, that couple won some!"
Some weeks later, the two of you were at an arcade, and your eyes were literally shining as soon as you saw the Happy Snowman plushie in the claw machine.
And ever since, you had been tugging at his sleeve and dragging him to catch it for you... only to no avail so far.
Zayne pinched the bridge of his nose. "With the way you’re acting, no one would believe you’re about to become a mom."
"Isn't that the whole point?" you fired back, puckering your lips, before mustering your best puppy eyes and bringing your hands together. "Please? Baby wants it so much."
He knew you were using the baby card just to get your way, but you looked so adorable doing it that it often worked—evident from how he lined up once more for the long queue at the claw machine.
"This is the last time," he decided, giving you a flat stare when you two reached your turn. "If we lose, we're buying the one in the souvenir shop."
"Teehee~" you giggled in delight. You'd get your plushie either way. Zayne was always listening to you even with his grumbles, and it made you inwardly kick your feet in joy.
Despite being cross, Zayne was better at this than you. He almost snagged some plushies several times, and this time, he skillfully maneuvered the claw, pressing the button with precision—
“Oh!” Your eyes sparkled as the claw secured your prized Happy Snowman. “Zayne! Just a little more!”
"Yeah, yeah..."
Just like that, the claw released the snowman into the hole. As soon Zayne handed it to you, you practically squealed. "Ahh! Finally I got you!"
You were so full of childlike excitement, even though you were just months away from bringing a child into the world yourself. Zayne watched you silently, and despite himself, a soft smile tugged at his lips.
"Do you want more?" he asked. "We still have three chances left."
"Yes!" You beamed at him. "I want the penguin and crow!"
Apparently, he was weak to your wishes. He then took the machine again, and maybe luck blessed him this time because soon enough, he got you two of them right after the chances ran out.
“Hehe! We’re bringing them home!” You patted each plushie with delight, your giggles drawing the attention of nearby kids.
"Mom, look! That uncle gets many plushies!"
Zayne felt his eyes twitch. Uncle...?
You tried and utterly failed to hold back your laugh.
And you heard another couple bickering nearby as they threw glances at you and your husband—
"I want that crow plushie..." the woman lamented, despondently eyeing the claw machine and the three plushies Zayne had managed to win for you.
Her boyfriend, a scary-looking tall man with red eyes and rider garbs, turned to her with a snort. "Why would you even need that ugly crow for? We have crow at home."
"...Mephisto doesn't count! You're just saying that because your luck and skill are trash!"
"Tch. I can open a whole arcade just so you can tear those plushies into shreds, sweetie... just so you know, there’s a price when dealing with a devil, hmm?"
Opening an arcade only to satisfy his girlfriend's wants? You thought in a passing. Crazy.
. . .
And then your emotions are practically a whirlwind of roller coaster...
“You’re mean!” you sniffled, pointing a righteous finger at your husband and the kitty cards on the table. “You always reduce my kitties whenever you get the chance!”
Zayne exhaled, trying to explain himself. “I just make do with the cards I’m dealt with.”
“But you’re trying to take out my cats all the time!”
“That’s the gameplay. If I let you win, you’d say I’m underestimating you.”
“So, are you saying I’m bad at this?” You looked at the cards with heartbreak etched on your face, your lips quivering. “Am I?”
Uh-oh, he knew what it was. You were a stone throw away from bursting into tears and one wrong word could set you off altogether.
“No, you’re not bad...” he began, carefully choosing his words. “The kitties... they’re just not cooperating with you, that’s all.”
“So, they’re cooperating with you,” you pouted, cross. “Is that what you’re trying to say?!”
Sigh... this is going to take a while...
But ultimately... you’re also incredibly precious.
“I’m going to make an amigurumi for our baby,” you announced, smiling brightly as you settled between his legs with a crochet kit and a snowman pattern in hand. “I just know they’ll like it.”
“You know how to crochet?” Zayne asked, resting his chin on your shoulder and slipping an arm around your waist, gently touching your growing bump.
“Hmph!” You tilted your chin up with a smirk, turning to face him. “Of course, I can!”
“Oh…?”
“It’s a little side hobby,” you explained with a giggle. “I can’t resist having and making cute things~”
Zayne thought he’d laugh, but instead, it was a wave of bittersweetness that washed over him. Because apparently, even after being married to you for two years, there were some things about you he didn’t know.
He was fond of you. He knew you liked a fair amount of sweets, what your favorite food and color were, and that you couldn't sleep without turning off the lights. But then he realized...
"Does it have to be a snowman?" he asked, his eyes fixed on how skillfully you handled the hooks.
"Mm-hmm! It does."
"Why do you like it so much anyway?"
"Ah..." Your movements paused slightly, and you suddenly looked down, a hint of sheepishness in your expression. "Well..."
This way, you looked adorable somehow. Zayne squeezed you gently. "Hmm?"
"You might not remember it... but the first time we met..." you felt heat creeping up to your face but pressed on nonetheless. "I asked you to demonstrate your Evol and you showed me by creating a snowman out of thin air."
Right at that moment, Zayne could've sworn that his heart skipped a beat. That meeting... how many years ago was it? Five? Six?
He could barely remember it until you mentioned it, and yet you held that memory dear.
"Maybe it sounds stupid to you," you puffed out your cheeks. "But I think you’re similar to a snowman. You look cold on the outside, but you bring happiness to so many people. You save lives…"
The way you described him so highly made him flutter inside. Suddenly he felt soft. Soft for you. You were utterly precious, genuine and all this time, he hadn't even truly realized it.
"And to me, you..." you gulped, suddenly self-conscious. "You are... warm, just like the sun..."
The sincerity in your words touched him so deeply that it left him speechless. You had loved him and it was evident in all your actions.
Now the question is, has he done the same for you?
You brightened his life just by being yourself. Most of the time cheery, sometimes snarky, and often times decidedly spoiled... all those sides of you—
He adores them all. And he knows he'll treasure you until the end of time. And now, he's going to show you that.
Before he realized it, he had planted a kiss on the nape of your neck, and you sucked in a breath as you dropped the crochet hooks. "Zayne...?"
And then his lips pressed harder, trailing kisses along your neck, while his hands slipped inside your pajama top, caressing your skin ever so gently. The unexpected touch made you unwittingly moan.
"Can you... finish crocheting another day?" he breathed in your ear, cupping your breasts tenderly, and you almost jolted. "I'll be gentle, I promise."
It felt as if your face had caught fire, your whole body flushing with sudden excitement. Your heart raced wildly at his husky voice, and the very thought that your husband desired you was deeply thrilling.
"But you..." your voice hitched, trying not focus on his fingers. "...are never gentle."
Zayne blinked at you in surprise. "Am... I? That's not true."
"Should I jog your memory?" You pursed your lips. "One time, you threw me on the bed—"
"Well—"
"And that time you had me on all fours—"
"That's—"
"And the night we conceived this baby too—"
"Right. Alright." Zayne’s cheeks flushed with warmth as he released his grip on your mounds. "You might have a point, but this time, I assure you…"
He turned you to face him, and before you could even react, he leaned in close, his breath tickling your collarbone as he whispered:
"I will take good care of you tonight."
He made good on his promise.
This time, his hands moved with a gentleness that took your breath away. Zayne started with peppering your skin in soft, lingering kisses—starting at your jaw, then trailing down your neck, collarbone, and chest.
And when his lips finally reached the slightly visible but firm swell of your belly, he paused, pressing a kiss there that seemed to hold all the love he had for your baby.
The sight pulled at your heartstrings. The very fact that Zayne cherished this little life growing inside you filled you with a happiness so profound, it nearly overwhelmed you.
And soon...
"Ahh... aah!" you writhed, arching your back, your lower body laid bare as his tongue lapped eagerly at your folds. It was, by far, the most erotic thing your husband had done to you— he usually didn’t spend this much time for your pleasure.
But as always, he was not much of a talker during sex. Only dangerous gleam in his eyes as he glanced up from between your trembling thighs that let you know he had no plans of stopping anytime soon.
"Ngh!" You gasped when the tight ball of nerves inside you finally burst, mewling helplessly as you yanked on his hair, and he ate you out even more greedily in response. You had always known it, but moments like this made it undeniable—
Zayne turns completely into a different man while bedding you. Who would have guessed that the stoic, straight-laced head of cardiac surgery could be reduced to a man consumed by lust at the sight of his wife's body?
. . .
He had always liked having you on top. This time, Zayne made sure to prepare you exceptionally well before easing himself inside you, yet, just like every other time, you still felt impossibly tight around him.
“Ah, ah... I-I’m—!” you whimpered tearfully, your walls clenching around his girth, face overtaken by sheer pleasure. “’s full...”
It didn't take him long to bust, really. With a beautiful wife sitting on top of him, eliciting sounds like that... how could he resist?
But maybe he pushed you too hard. Lust won against all his senses as he relentlessly slammed his hips against yours, and he distinctly felt the moment you stifled a scream and came hard around him.
"Are you... alright?" Zayne asked in a groan as he reached his orgasm, his release flooding inside your womb in a rush as you clung into him tightly, shuddering and spasming.
You nodded and collapsed against him, savoring the feeling of how filled up you were. In return, he cradled you close as he slowly pulled out of you. "I-I... am..."
You curled into him, and he pressed a tender kiss on your head. In that moment, you truly felt that there were only two of you in this vast world.
Gently, he lifted you—one arm supporting your legs, the other around your back—and carried you to the bathroom to clean you up.
. . .
“Drink.” Zayne held the cool glass of water to your lips, and you obediently took a sip, your gaze lingering on the gap in his bathrobe where his chest peeked out.
He was so, so considerate. He carefully handled you as he washed your body and wrapped you in the bathrobe earlier, soothing you each time you let out a whine.
It was the most comforting aftercare you had experienced. After making sure you weren’t parched, he tucked you under the comforters, joining you soon after and pulling you close.
“Are you comfortable now?” he asked quietly, straightening your hair.
“Mm-hmm.” You snuggled closer with a smile, tracing a finger along his chest.
Somehow the way he cared for you now made you remember how your relationship was back then. He didn’t dote on you this much, he was good to you but you knew deep in your hearts that he wasn’t really there. But now…
He is yours. In every sense.
“You’re tickling me,” Zayne tutted gruffly, catching your hand and pressing it to his chest.
“So? What will you do?” you teased with a playful grin. “Will you eat me up again?”
“…” His narrowed eyes made you giggle, and you pressed yourself even closer, relishing the afterglow.
You had promised yourself not to bring it up again, but feeling vulnerable in this moment, you couldn’t help but whisper:
“You… have changed,” you muttered under your breath. “Thank you… for thinking of me.”
You couldn’t see his expression, but his arms tightened around you suddenly. Warmth spread through you, feeling as though he were shielding you from the world itself.
Weeks passed by, and soon enough, you reached the middle of your second trimester.
“We’re going to find out the gender today!” you excitedly noted in the passenger’s seat. Zayne glanced at you with a smile, silently looking forward to it too.
He was relieved that your first trimester had passed smoothly, with only a few bouts of sickness. Now, before he knew it, you were already halfway through the journey.
“If it’s a girl, I hope she won’t be a troublemaker like her mom,” he slyly retorted.
You shot him a glare. “And if it’s a boy, I’ll make sure he doesn’t spend all his time studying and turn into a robot like you.”
The journey to fatherhood still didn’t feel entirely real to him with your chirpy self, but as your belly swelled and rounded with each passing week, he began to realize that the day was quickly approaching.
It made him feel warm, and he wished he could show it to you better just how much happiness you brought to him now.
You rummaged through your bag and exclaimed, "Oh, I forgot the appointment card!"
Zayne sighed, turning the steering wheel with a small shake of his head. "See? The little mom can be so scatterbrained at times."
You slouched in your seat, crestfallen. "Sorry..."
"It’s alright," he gave your hand a gentle squeeze as he noticed your expression drop. "I’ll get it. Where did you leave it?"
"In the first drawer of my vanity desk, I think…"
After arriving back at home, Zayne headed straight to your shared bedroom and searched through your drawers. The first drawer only had your perfumes, so he moved on to the second drawer, which apparently only had more makeup supplies.
And so, he pulled the third drawer, and there were a stack of envelopes there. Curious, he pulled one out, thinking it was the card he was looking for—
—but then, suddenly, he was in a state of shock. Never would have he expected to find what he had on his hand then.
For a moment, everything around him seemed to blur, his entire world reduced to those three stark words on the page. His mind struggled to process what he was seeing, a heavy weight settling in his stomach as the realization hit him.
Petition of Divorce — and your signature... was there.
Something seemed a bit off about Zayne, you noticed later that day.
You were really looking forward to finding out the baby's gender, and you thought he was too. He stood by your side all the while, holding your hand as the ultrasound probe pressed against your skin and you waited with bated breath for Dr. Munson to announce—
“Well, it’s a girl!” he declared with a wide grin. “Whoa, Dr. Zayne is going to be a girl dad, huh?”
“Oh my…” Your eyes sparkled with joy at the news. You were fine with either, but you knew Zayne had secretly been hoping for a girl, and you turned to him with pure elation. However...
“That’s… good.” His response was brief, and although he was smiling, something felt off. You had been observing him for too long not to notice—you knew when your husband was distracted.
What is he thinking? Despite yourself, you began to worry.
“Zayne?” you asked later, holding his arm as you both exited Dr. Munson’s office. “Are you thinking about work?”
He turned to you almost immediately. “No.”
“Then why are you frowning?” you asked innocently, trying to lighten the mood by touching his face. He swiftly caught your hand.
“This is a public place,” he said in a strained voice, causing you to stiffen at his tone. “I’ll take you home first.”
Something was not right. Now you were convinced and it started to bother you.
“Actually… I need to go to the Hunter Association's base first to finish my deskwork,” you said.
His brows furrowed even deeper. “Can’t you just submit your leave?”
“Ah... I’m on half-day leave today. I need to wrap up as much as I can before I go on maternity leave later.”
“Next time,” he snapped, his gray eyes locked on you, “Whenever you have appointments, take a full-day leave. You’re in no condition to be working, especially as you get further along.”
"Zayne, are you... upset with me?" you fired the question then, because it seemed like he really did, and suddenly you felt a bit sick at the very thought.
He was certainly not expecting you to ask that, and for a moment, Zayne froze, before he exhaled and his frown softened a bit.
“…no,” he finally said, his tone gentler. “I just don’t want you to push yourself too hard.”
But ever since that day, you knew something had happened to him that he suddenly he became a little distant towards you.
. . .
Zayne hadn’t meant to snap at you. If anything, knowing you were carrying a baby girl filled him with unbridled happiness.
But still, there was still a part of him that wanted to demand answers from you—that part of him that was deeply hurt by what he discovered.
In hindsight, maybe he shouldn’t take it too hard. No matter how much he reflected on it, he knew he hadn’t been the husband you deserved. He knew his faults and understood how much he had hurt you. From the very beginning, you deserved someone who would see only you and no one else—and he hadn't been that person before.
Even with that understanding, he was left with an unresolved hollowness. You had doubted him enough that you were ready to file for a divorce once. It didn't mean that the same thing wouldn't happen in the future.
Does he have it in him to make you happy? He had promised you he would. While he wasn't the most affectionate, he tried his best, and he intended to keep trying.
But now, after learning this, he found that not only you, but even he too was able to doubt himself.
"Zayne...?"
You peeked your head inside his study one night, several weeks later, a hand resting on your bump. You really didn't want to bother him when he just arrived, but you figured you had to tell him.
For the past week, you’d been throwing up, and it didn’t feel right. He had been at a symposium in another city since the start of the week, and you tried to wait it out. But today, you almost blacked out, and now you were genuinely afraid.
"Y/N?" he turned to you just as he laid his briefcase and the moment he saw you, he frowned at how pale you looked.
Zayne immediately stalked towards you and pulled you closer, feeling your neck to check your body temperature. His eyes widened in realization. "You have a fever."
"I-I... feel lightheaded today," you sputtered, clutching his arm. "And... I’ve been vomiting too..."
"I'll get you checked in at Akso," he decided, grabbing the car keys and led you out of the room by the shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me in your calls?"
Very lame excuse, but you tried to defend yourself nonetheless. "It wasn't this severe before—"
"You should have told me." His response was curt, but his fury was evident. You almost shrank at his tone, but Zayne didn't reprimand you further as he helped you into the passenger seat.
The drive was tense and uncomfortable, making you feel even worse. The silence only amplified your anxiety, and it didn't help that you had noticed how distant he was lately.
"I'm sorry—" you blurted but then suddenly, you sucked in a breath, wincing and fisting your dress when you felt the start of a cramp just below your ribs. "Ahh..."
Zayne’s panic surged at your pained gasp. He gripped your hand reassuringly, all trace of anger vanishing instantly. "We’ll arrive soon. I promise you’ll be alright."
At that moment, despite all fears you had—for your baby, of his sudden shift of behavior—you held back your sob and squeezed his hand in return.
. . .
You would be staying at the hospital until all the test results came in.
Zayne sat on the chair beside you, gaze fixed on you as you lay connected to an IV drip in the private room. Though he tried to mask it, he was still shaken. He knew better than anyone that fever and cramps at more than 20 weeks often signaled something was wrong with either the mother or the baby.
The thought of ailments beyond his control affecting either of you made his chest tighten. He loosened his tie and let out a sigh, trying to ease the constriction. "How do you feel now?"
You looked at him, managing a smile as you replied, "I’m fine now."
Seeing you bedridden like this was something he hadn’t realized he dreaded until that moment, and yet, there you were, smiling. You... smiled.
He couldn’t understand why the sight he usually adored suddenly stirred this swirling anger in him.
Your answer seemed to hit a nerve in him as his expression darkened, and anxiety struck you again, twisting something in your gut. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before..."
His lack of response only deepened your unease. "Before today, I didn’t feel faint at all, so I think it’s just something I ate."
He still didn't deign you with any answer. Zayne’s apparent disregard for your words frustrated you, bringing you close to tears. "Say something..." you urged, feeling the tears burn behind your eyes. "I know you're upset, but now I'm scared too."
You really wanted him to comfort you. You knew the Zayne from several weeks ago would do just that, but now you had a feeling that the man before you now wasn't that same man any longer.
"We’ll see when the results are ready," he said then, facing you with a stoic, matter-of-fact tone, as if he were delivering a diagnosis to a patient rather than speaking to his wife. "Don’t fret too much. Have some rest."
Is that... all he has to say to you? A part of your heart withered at his detached response, the tears frozen in your eyes. What happened to him?
You were about to confront him for an answer when his phone suddenly vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and answered.
"Hello? Yes, it's Zayne. Who is this?" he questioned flatly, eyes narrowed into a dissatisfied frown, before suddenly his expression lit up with understanding when the person on the other line introduced themselves.
You could hear the faint sound of a man's voice from his phone. And when Zayne addressed him, a sudden chill spread throughout your body.
"Caleb? It's... been a while."
You felt cold. Caleb. You never really knew him but you had certainly seen him. Once at a funeral, and once at your wedding. He too is Zayne's childhood friend, and more than that, he is the brother of—
Why? Why did all emotional suffering you had to go through, somehow or another, always come down to a dead woman who was once your husband's lover?
When he ended this call, you didn't even pretend to be considerate anymore. "What does he want from you?"
Zayne looked taken aback by your sudden hostility but answered calmly, "He’s in Linkon now and asked if we could meet."
"Must you really see him?"
"What are you getting at?"
"I don’t like it," you spat, venom clear in your voice, turning to him. "I don’t like it at all when you have to be involved with people related to her!"
Finally, you said it. You had never made it clear before, but this time, you felt like you were entitled enough to. You were having his daughter, and if he was still entangled in an illusion of his past girlfriend with you, then—
Zayne responded to your outburst with a suppressed sigh, visibly keeping his frustration in check. "He is an old friend, Y/N. You're too emotional right now that you jump into conclusions and stress yourself out."
He was right, your emotions were spiraling, but right now you were too heartbroken to care for it.
"Do you know what I fear the most?" you asked, tears shining in your eyes. At last, you voiced the dark, unspoken curse that had haunted you since the very beginning of it all:
"I’m afraid that one day, you’ll wake up and realize that either me or our baby is a mistake."
Zayne barely got any rest that night.
In the end, faced with your tears, he didn't respond because he didn't want to prolong the argument. More strain for you could put both you and the baby at risk.
Later, he told himself. No matter how much he berated himself for not noticing the signs of your illness sooner, or wanted show you that you and his unborn child meant everything to him now— later. He wouldn't risk you, and it would be better if you talk later with cooler heads.
Little did he know, that "later" would never come.
Numerous missed phone calls from the nurses station after he stepped out of the operating room sealed your fate. And when Greyson burst into his office, out of breath and panic-stricken, it was like being doused in scalding water.
"Dr. Zayne! Miss Y/N! Sh-she has just been rushed to ER for severe bleeding!"
Just like that, his world crashed and shattered beyond return.
. . .
"Dr. Zayne, I'm not sure how I should break this news to you... As a medical professional, you already know how serious this condition is..."
Everything was his greatest nightmare realized. Dr. Munson’s diagnosis struck him with a searing force, paralyzing him on the spot.
"Your wife has preeclampsia."
The nurses said you had been screaming and bleeding heavily. He too had seen it himself—the blood splattered across the pristine floor when he arrived, just moments after you were rushed to the emergency room—and the sight made a chill run through his spine in horror.
"She just experienced a partial placental abruption because of it. This causes bleeding in the mother, and also increases the risk of premature labor."
Dr. Munson’s explanation was crystal clear, yet it sent Zayne into a daze. It felt as if his chest had been ripped open, leaving him hollow as he stared numbly at your figure, peacefully asleep after the emergency treatment you had been put through.
Zayne clasped your hand in his, feeling the invincible knife lodged in his heart twist painfully.
You aren't supposed to be this cold. He gently griped your hand, his face contorted with agony. How terrified must you have been? How much did it hurt? Despite trying to push the memories away, seeing you like this brought back the nightmare from three years ago.
Only that this time, it was you. And not just you, but his unborn child as well. Both of you... there was a chance that both of you wouldn't survive.
The sheer thought made him stagger, because no, if it was the devil’s way to punish him, then it was beyond cruel. He had failed you once already, and he knew what happiness was by being with you, and to lose all of that in one blow—
"Zayne! Can you make me one more snowman?" you pleaded, your eyes sparkling as you pointed to the little gap between snowmen already perched on the window. "Just one more! It’ll make the line perfect!"
"I’m afraid that one day, you’ll wake up and realize that either me or our baby is a mistake."
It was so, so painful. His chest constricted at the contrasting memories and it took everything he had not to give in to his spiraling fears.
With everything I have, I love you. None of it mattered anymore. The divorce papers, whether he could make you happy— what was important was that It was unthinkable to lose you now. He would trade his life if it meant sparing you, because the pain of losing you would destroy him.
You had always loved that little thing he made on a whim. He opened your palm and shaped the ice through his manipulation, placing the palm-sized snowman in your grasp, hoping it would protect you throughout the night.
You remembered the excruciating pain, the primal dread of losing your baby, and the horrifying sight of crimson streaming endlessly between your legs, also how you screamed for anyone for help.
When you regained consciousness, the scent of fresh linen and alcohol was the first thing that greeted you. Dawn had already arrived, but the sky outside remained dark.
Your right palm felt cold, and that’s when you realized you were holding something. At the same time, you noticed the weight in your other hand—
Zayne. Your husband slept on the edge of your bed in such an uncomfortable position while holding your hand, his brows taut into a frown, only with a coat to cover himself.
He is here. You quietly watched him, and despite everything, you realized once again how much you loved him—even more that he was here for you.
Snowman… you stared at the little toy in your other hand, and overwhelming warmth washed over you at the thought of him creating it for you just before he slept.
The baby… what did you go through? Is she fine? You really couldn’t shake the feeling that something grave had happened to you.
You had to know. You pulled your left hand out of his grasp and caressed his face. He has to shave soon, you noted, feeling the stubble that had started to grow there. Still, you couldn't help but marvel at how handsome he was.
Your gentle touch soon caused his eyes to flutter open, and Zayne jerked awake, instinctively catching your hand. "You're awake..." he rasped, his voice rough with exhaustion.
He looked at you as if he was in disbelief, and immediately rose and squeezed your hand. You looked up to him, feebly asking, "What... happened to me?"
His face fell right that moment but you pressed on, "Tell me. I have to know..."
Zayne's reluctance was obvious, but the plea in your voice made him waver. Finally, he sighed and sat down on the edge of your bed.
"The test results have come back," he began, his voice adopting the clinical tone you recognized from when he spoke to his patients. "Your blood pressure is abnormally high, and there was protein found in your urine sample... These are signs of a condition called preeclampsia."
Shock marred your features in that moment, because you had heard what it was and what it meant for your baby.
"The only cure for preeclampsia is delivery. And at the same time the placenta has detached from the wall of your womb. This way, our baby—"
You had watched Zayne deliver devastating diagnoses to his patients before, and he was always steadfast. But this time, even his voice wavered.
His gray eyes seemed to glisten under the light as they held your gaze. "She's being deprived of oxygen and nutrients because the placenta can no longer supply them. You may also experience heavier bleeding, more cramps, and fetal distress. The best course of action now is to deliver the baby as soon as possible."
It felt like receiving death sentence. No matter how you looked at it, the conclusion was the same. "B-but..." you stammered, your whole body trembling, shaken by the enormity of it all. "S-she's just... barely twenty-six weeks..."
The way devastation bled in your voice pierced him. Without a word, Zayne pulled you into his arms, letting out a long, drawn-out breath as he held you close.
"I'm here," he assured, trying to console you. "You don't have to be scared. We'll monitor you closely until it's possible for you to give birth to the baby in around thirty weeks. I'll make sure of that."
The first of your sobs began. "...i-is it me?" you clutched at his coat mournfully. "Did I… p-put the baby into distress somehow— that it causes the placenta to fall away?"
"No," he firmly shushed you. "It's a condition that can flare up anytime. Don't blame yourself for it."
Still, how could you not? More than yourself, you feared for your unborn child. You sobbed harder, and Zayne held you even as his coat had started to dampen from your tears.
Your predicament broke his heart too, but at the same time, he found the perfect moment to finally show you the entirety of his heart.
"You told me you were afraid I'd come to see both of you as a mistake," he murmured, gently running his hand through your hair in an attempt to soothe you. "But how can our daughter be a mistake when—" his voice caught, choking on the words, "—when I've loved her so much already?"
The strain in his voice made you look up, and you were taken aback by the intensity of his gray eyes that bored into you.
“Both of you... are so precious to me.” Zayne locked his eyes with yours, sincerely meaning everything he said as he cradled the side of your face. “The thought that anything might happen to either of you... is unbearable.”
He pressed his forehead against yours, his voice hoarse, “What if… you continue to bleed and it leads to seizures? What if— you and the baby won’t make it? These are so unbearable for me.”
His words went straight into you, and for a moment, your tears receded as they sank in.
"I can’t give you my past." His voice tinged with melancholy, the expression on his face was torn. "But I promise you, at least in this lifetime..."
He gazed at you with the unwavering look you had fallen in love with, the same gaze you once admired from afar, long ago.
And then, his next declaration took your breath away and made your heart soar like never before. A wave of love surged within you, almost overwhelming you—
"Right this moment and my future—it's for you. For both of you, always."
From that moment on, you knew you would trust him completely. From that moment on, you finally let go of your doubts, knowing that you had nothing to fear with him by your side.
Zayne was by your side whenever he was able to.
You were on bedrest at the hospital ever since, but he always stayed the night here to accompany you, barely going back to home for a change of clothes.
"You’re really making a snowman..." he remarked, observing your fingers and the crochet hooks he’d brought from home so you could keep yourself entertained. "I think you need to add a bit more fluff there..."
Your face brightened with a grin as you cut the yarn. "Don’t worry, I’ll make it extra round."
The weeks in the hospital dragged on, but they also gave you more time to work on your amigurumi. When you finished putting the final touches on it, you proudly presented it to Zayne—the snowman with a blue shawl and black hat, two little round eyes, and a beaming line of smile. "Ta-da! Look, it’s even cuter than the ones you made!"
A happy you was always the sight he loved to see above all. "Yeah..."
"Do you think she'll love it?" you suddenly asked, poking the snowman doll you just made, feeling warm at the thought that your cherished baby will soon play with it too.
You looked so endearing that Zayne felt an overwhelming urge to pull you closer. “She will,” he chuckled, giving you a reassuring pat on the head. “Didn’t you say before she will?”
And soon, you reached the thirtieth-week mark. The time had come to finally deliver your baby.
. . .
"I can't feel anything..." Your voice came out as a soft whine while you lay on the operating table, your lower body numb and obscured by the surgical curtain shielding you from view.
Zayne, standing beside you in a mask and headcap, grasped your hand, his fingers intertwined with yours. "If you could feel it, you’d be screaming."
The C-section was the only way to ensure both you and your daughter would survive. It felt surreal to know they were basically cutting you open, yet you were unable to feel anything.
"Will... she come out healthy?" you asked your husband hesitantly, worried about your soon-to-be born baby. "I'm worried..."
Zayne glanced at you and gave your hand a light squeeze. "Don’t worry too much. You should be more concerned about yourself. Think of all the food you want to have when you get home, and I’ll get it for you."
You shot him a glare. "You make me sound like a foodie."
"You are a foodie."
Despite the ongoing surgery, Zayne’s lighthearted jabs were his way of easing your anxiety. Even though they irked you, you appreciated his attempts to lift your spirits.
And soon—
You heard a feeble cry, though quickly drowned out by the cheers of the surgical team beyond the curtain. You gasped and turned to Zayne, who was fixated on the tiny baby in Dr. Munson's hands.
He didn't even blink. It was almost as if he was spellbound by the sight. Nothing mattered because his daughter was here. Really here.
"Zayne…" your voice then broke the spell. He turned to you, who weakly smiled at him with tears in your eyes.
For the first time in your life, you saw tears of happiness glistening in his eyes as he stared at you— the woman who had just given him a daughter to love and dote on.
He immediately leaned in to press a kiss on your forehead. Your heart felt so full, even though he wasn’t able to fully express it in words. In that moment, you could feel his profound love for you and the new life you would embark on together.
"She is so small..."
You pressed yourself as close as you could to the see-through glass of the neonatal unit, straining to get a glimpse of your baby daughter. Though you weren't well enough to walk three days after the surgery, you insisted on Zayne wheeling you over in a wheelchair just so you could have a peek.
"She’ll grow big soon," Zayne said, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder when he noticed your sadness. "She’ll stay there for a few more weeks, and then we can bring her home."
However, your expression twisted into a worried frown as you watched the gentle rise and fall of your baby’s tiny chest inside the incubator. Even when he had reassured you that it was by all means just an unfortunate condition, you couldn't help feeling that it was your fault somehow that she ended up there.
She had his tufts of black hair, but you weren’t able to get close enough to remember her face clearly. The fact that you hadn’t held her in your arms yet made your heart ache.
"Mommy is sorry that she can't carry you to full-term..." you croaked out, lips wobbling, a hand tracing the glass separating you from your new baby, and Zayne inhaled sharply at the sight.
It hadn’t been easy, but you had made it through. Both of you had. And to him, that was more than enough. So, you needed to hear it too.
He crouched down in front of you, catching your attention instantly. You tilted your head as his hands rested gently on your shoulders.
“Thank you for delivering our daughter safely,” he said with the softest of smiles, ever so genuine just as you were in all times of the two of you together.
Your eyes widened a bit at his sudden gratitude, and when he took both of your hands together in his, gazed at you with such earnestness in his clear ash-grey eyes, and traced his thumbs over your knuckles, your heart skipped a beat.
“And most of all, thank you... for being safe too.”
Those words brought immense warmth to you, and the prettiest of smile lit up your face then at the way he looked at you as if you were his most prized treasure. Just like that, once again, he cast all your fears and doubts aside.
And deep down, you knew that with him by your side, everything was going to be alright.
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"Just wanted to share some stage door video (primarily Eddie) from last night. An exciting evening for sure!"
Thanks and credits to : Nic Trudell on fb
Video was taken on April 1st, 2024
#eddie redmayne#cabaret#kit kat club#august wilson#theatre#april 1st#fan video#fan adventure#eddie redmayne cabaret#broadway#you tube video#the emcee#sally bowles#gayle rankin#talent cast#best actor#oscar winner#obe#talent
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