#OH almost forgetting how theres always an attempt to show the class difference there!!! usually to a cartoonish degree!!!!! hate it here!!!

[sparvverius]

yknow its odd that in movies/artwork/etc where they both appear simonne évrard is made to look much older than charlotte corday when actually they were both in their mid/late 20s and there couldnt really have been a perceptible age difference in their appearances. it fucking sucks. theres nothing wrong with being older obviously but its so so clear why they do it.

[thatswoosan]

I just want to be better.

Prompt | Johnny helps female!reader with emotional conflicts and life balance. Genre | Light angst, super fluff. Words | 3.9k

Synopsis | Your boyfriend, Johnny, knows how much you try to balance all at once, letting the pressure of school, relationships, and life pile onto your shoulders until you just can’t take it anymore.  

[3:51pm] All these years in school, you were verbally harassed by teachers giving lectures on not procrastinating, or not letting all your assignments build up, because something-something-something “no one works well under pressure and it’ll show” but your grades have always proved otherwise.. usually. However, at this moment, the clock keeps moving forward, and your binder is still empty. No ideas, no sketches, and you’re on thin ice making sure you nail these final projects. Sure, theres a few weeks left in the semester, but what’s that in the design world, like two days? It’s not like cranking out an essay in an hour or two. Everything takes so much time.

Click. Click. Click.  

On top of all the time and dedication your professors seem to think your class can pull out of thin air, your life was too hectic for this.  

Click. Click. Click.  

The dreamies mean a lot to you, which means when they pull out their doe eyes to join them in pranks, movie nights or gaming sessions, you weren’t going to say no. Plus the late running dance rehearsals with Ten were really starting to hammer what little energy you had left to give.

Click. Click. Click.  

No one needs to major in math to add all these hours up into a normal day, which really narrow down any free time you might get, and what are you supposed to do? Just ignore your boyfrien-

Click. Click. Cli-

“JOHNNY!” You finally exclaimed, causing him to jump a little in his chair, hitting his knees under the desk. He turned around and looked at you, who was laying on the floor in a corner with your books spread out. His startled expression molded into a confused one.  

“Haven’t you been over there working for almost an hour?” He asked, motioning towards your empty sketchpads. “I’ve been trying to,” you let out a sigh of frustration, “however, it’s incredibly hard to focus, or even think, with all the clicking sounds you keep making on your laptop.”  

For a slight second, he was taken back, but his expression quickly turned into a playful smirk and he apologized. “Hah, alright babe, I’m sorry” he says, in a little pout that makes your heart pang. He then turns around in his chair, going back to flipping through his photos he took earlier that morning, quietly this time.

Although you and Johnny haven’t been dating for long, you’ve known each other for years. He’s quickly grown to know you like the back of his hand. He knows what makes you tick, and what makes you happy, laugh, etc. At the same time, he knows you’re incredibly stubborn, and seem to think you need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, alone. He’s asked a million times, and will probably ask a million more to let him help, whether it be with school, dance practice, even just doing meticulous things for you that will help free up your schedule, but you refuse. In your mind, you just don’t want to burden anyone.  

Though you try hard not to, little snippy outburst such as that happen, and he’s learned not to take it to heart. Sometimes he even thinks they’re cute, with the way your words sound so short and annoyed, but he can visibly see that you’re trying so hard to sound nice.. it amuses him. Regardless of his infatuation, you hate when you express frustration to people you love, especially when it’s not their fault.  

Letting out a deep sigh, you shove your book to the side, and stand up from sitting on the floor, feeling a deep ache in your knee’s from having them crossed for so long. Making a couple strides towards Johnny across the room, you wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him from behind and snuggling your face into the crook of his neck, letting out a muffled, “I’m sorry” into the fabric of his shirt.

The vibrations of his giggles bounce against your cheek as he wraps his hands into yours, but before he can say anything, you both can hear trampling up the stairs, towards the dorm rooms.

With a mixture of knocking, shouting, and hands banging on Johnny’s door, there’s question of who it could be. You begin laughing at Johnny’s deep sigh that leaves his chest, nearly feeling his eyes roll into the back of his head.

“Hyung, Hyung,” Multiple, if not all of the dream members are repeating outside the door. “Wha-“ “HYUNGGGGGGG WE KNOW NOONA IS HERE LET US IN!” Chenle screams, in his dolphin like screech, with absolutely no remorse.

The difference between your reactions at the time were like night and day, with butterflies filling your chest, and Johnny’s shoulders sulking as he went to open the door. He barely got the lock undone before they flooded the room, piling on top of you and hanging from any limb they could find.  

Chenle jumping into your arms hugging you, feeling Jaemin on one arm and Jisung on the opposite, you’re pretty sure Jeno is latched on your left leg, while Haechan was fighting Renjun for the other. They were all in a fit of laughter, so happy that you were at the dorms when their schedule was over for the day, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you feel on top of the world. If it wasn’t for Johnny taking up so much space already, these kids would have your whole heart.

“Hey, try not to suffocate Y/N ok? She’s not a jungle gym, get off of her!” Johnny tries to scold them.  

“Noona,” Chenle says, still in your arms while the others begin climbing off of you, “I’m so happy you’re here!” he grins widely.   You smile back, and as you start peeling him off, asking why that would that be. “Now you can watch movies with us!” Haechan exclaims.   “Plus, you can’t forget you’re my player two!” Jaemin says,   “You’re going down this time, no cheating!” he says, glaring at Jeno and Jisung, sending them into a bicker of whether or not Jeno shoving controllers out of hands was cheating, or a “strategy” as he calls it.

Johnny threw a look of worry your way, knowing you wouldn’t think anything over before you answered their request.

“Sure!” You exclaimed.  

While cheers erupted from the younger members, Johnny shot a look at you that didn’t look so thrilled. Before another word could be said, the horde of them began running downstairs, already fighting on which movie to watch or what video game they could best each other in, while you were left with an arms crossed, foot tapping Johnny.  

“Y/N-” “I know what you’re gonna say,” you started, “You can’t baby them all the time, they can hear the word no, don’t you have work to be doing?” you say, doing your best to mock his tones and hand gestures in hopes of making him laugh so he’d loosen up a little bit.  

He sighs, and lightly rolls his eyes a little, while a smirk starts forming on his face that he tries to hide. When he walks over to you, he places his hands on your cheeks and makes you look him in his eyes. While he raises an eyebrow to see if you would dare lie to him when he asks, “Are you sure you’ll be ok if you take the time to do this with them?” and you just smile and nod.  

“It’ll be fine Johnny, I won’t do too much, I promise. We’ll watch the movie, and that’s it!” You said confidently, although you didn’t think it sounded too convincing, and by the way he squinted his eyes at you a little before letting go of your face, you don’t think he thought so either.   “Okay,” he lightly sighed again, “Go on the-”

“NOONAAAAAAA LET’S GOOOOOOO!” Jisung screams from downstairs in their living area.  

You couldn’t help but smile and laugh, not only at how unapologetic these kids were about being themselves, impatient and loud, but at how Johnny’s eye tensed and twitched just a little every time they had an outburst, when he was supposed to be the patient one out of the two of you.  

Making your best attempt at standing on your tiptoes, you place a hurried kiss on your boyfriend's beautiful lips, and excitedly start running downstairs. Johnny might not have been happy about you leaving your homework behind, but he’d be lying if he said you finally smiling for just a second, didn’t make his chest flutter.  

By the time you hit the bottom of the steps, you notice the movie queued up on Netflix, but a significant lack of snacks and drinks on the table, and multiple pairs of eyes on you. “Oh, no..” you thought to yourself with a heavy mental sigh.  

“Y/nnnn” Renjun cooed your name, making Haechan and Jeno sit up from the floor with excited smiles on their faces. “Noona! Can we have-” and before Chenle could even finish his sentence, you were already making your way into the kitchen, knowing the usual snacks and sugar filled drink these demons craved during movies.  

Haechan scurried from the floor, with a happy and hungry Jaemin behind him, coming to help you either carry, or make food to bring to others.   Help should be used lightly, because half of the time you had to either scold Haechan for eating everything you made, or yell at Jaemin, who thought tossing things around was a great way to ‘pass the time’ of food cooking.  

Finally, everything was set, food was done, snacks were on the table, the movie was ready and you got comfortable on the couch. While Chenle was settling in his usual spot between your legs, Haechan and Jeno resuming their spots on the floor closest to the food, and the others taking open spots on the couch, you took a glance at the clock. Somehow, an hour had already managed to pass by, which immediately had you feeling slightly tense, because that was an hour you planned to invest in the movie, and not making food.  

“Fuck,” you cursed at yourself mentally, “that’s not gonna leave me with much or any time for my assignment due tomorrow” you thought to yourself. Taeyong already texted you earlier, asking to start practice even sooner tonight because his later schedule changed.  

The boys had finally started up the horror movie they picked out, and now that you knew you were running extremely low on time, you couldn’t quite focus on what was happening, and started reanalyzing your agenda for the day. You didn’t have too many nervous ticks, but one thing you did was subconsciously pick at the sides of your nails when you were either nervous, stressed or just thinking really deeply. Right about now, you could feel the stinging in your hands, indicating maybe you’ve already dug a little too deep on your thumb nails.  

Again, you worked really well under pressure, but there was a difference between working well under pressure, and trying to attempt the impossible. Immediately the anxiety started eating at you, and as if right on cue, Johnny walks out of his room and hovers over the balcony that stands above the living area.  

“How goes the movie?” He asks, more so looking at you because what he really wanted to ask was more along the lines of ‘is it almost over?’ “Shhh Hyung! It just started!” Jeno exclaimed, eyes glued to the television.   Johnny’s eyes quickly widened, but then instantly narrowed at you in disappointment.  

It’s ironic really, how you were the oldest, and supposed to be the more mature one sitting on the couch, surrounded by the youngest members of their group, but Johnny could instantly make you feel like an adolescent that didn’t clean their room like they were asked to three times.  

In his defense, He wasn’t a controlling boyfriend in any way shape or form, however, he was an incredibly caring one. He knew from the beginning you had an issue or two when it came to prioritizing school over pleasing your friends. The sudden urge of always wanting to be of use or helpful to the people you loved, to the point of ignoring your own responsibilities. Although most people wouldn’t say that’s a terrible trait, you’ve expressed your frustrations with that habit to Johnny multiple times, and all he wanted to do was make sure you nailed these finals so you could be content, stress free, and happy.  

You excused yourself from the couch, leaving mumbled whines from the younger ones who were treating you as a pillow, and made your way upstairs to Johnny. Before you could even start hurling excuses his way, he walked into his room with you following behind him, and he shut the door.  

Turning around, he instantly held his hands on the sides of your face so you couldn’t avoid his gaze. He knew you’d never necessarily deceive him.. but he also knew you tended to avoid people's eyes if you felt like the heat was on you.

“Babe, why’d you lie to me?” he asked, looking you directly in the eye. You scrunched your nose, “What are you talking about? I didn’t lie to you!” saying a little harsher than you intended.  

He dropped his hands and walked over to your pile of schoolwork, and the vague thought crosses your mind that you didn’t remember leaving your planner open like that, did you? Did he go through your schedule?

Johnny sighed, “You said you’d be ok if you stopped working for a bit, but look at this,” he said, opening your planner wide for you to look at, “Babe, this is so much more work than you said you had to do.”

Hearing it out loud was one of the last phrases you needed at the moment, and instantly started picking at your nails again.  

“Are Ten and Taeyong really making you practicing this much during the week? I’ve told them how much these finals mean for your grade.” he said a little aggravated. Glancing at your arms crossed behind your back, Johnny walked over and picked up your hands to hold them in his, “Honey, look at your poor hands!” he exclaimed, “We’ve talked about this, why can’t you just tell people no?-” Johnny kept ranting, and you stopped listening, because now you had to think of how to get Johnny off your back about dancing, and you’re not sure what snapped inside but that was it, the stress hit.  

“Why can’t you just back off, Johnny!?” you asked harshly, ripping your hands from his. “Do you really think standing here and throwing how much work I have in front of my face is going to help me? Like I don’t already know how little time I have to do anything?” you spat.

The room fell eerily silent, not even hearing the muffled sounds of the movie downstairs going anymore. Maybe you were so flustered you couldn’t hear anything but white noise anymore.  

“I have to practice that much with them because I can’t be the one to hold back their performances, or alter their schedules, they’re already so busy-” “But so are yo-” “I can do it Johnny!” You exclaimed. “I can finish this work, I can spend time with the kids, I can do these performances, I can spend time with you, and I don’t need you on my back about it ok!?” You said, your voice escalating the longer the list went on.  

Johnny dropped the planner he had in his hand, his facial expressions falling with it. You realized what you had just done, exploding from all your anxiety on the one single person who cared enough to even pay attention to your busy life. Here’s the problem, even then you were way too stubborn to express that realization in the moment.  

Another bullet point anyone could add to a presentation on why Johnny was the most amazing human, person, and boyfriend on the planet, he knew you were too heated to express your wrong in the moment, and decided to take matters into his own hands.  

Before he did though, he let the painful silence fill the room for a while. It was like his form of punishment for you for not admitting your wrong. Not even a full minute went by, but it felt like an hour. His hard gaze was on you, and it was like you were suffocating. Holding your arms together, eyes on the floor and feet shuffling in little spaces back and forth on the floor, he sighed and caved in.  

“Babe, look at me.” He said sternly, but still somehow sounded so soft.  

You couldn’t, you scrunched your lips together and looked at his chest. You heard a light hearted “tskk” leave his mouth, knowing that was your smartass way of looking at him but not quite, and started walking towards you.  

He planted his feet in front of you, and wrapped one of his arms behind your back, and the other around the back of your head, resting some of your hair in his hand before pulling you into his chest. This gesture from him had about the same effect as him asking ‘are you okay’ and the tears just started flowing.  

“Listen to me,” He says, planting a long, continuous kiss on your forehead and continued, “I never said that you can’t do that, ok?” All you did was nod your head, containing the sniffles in your nose and lump in your throat, as your ruin your poor boyfriends' shirt with all the silent, frustrated tears falling from your eyes.  

“I know you can do all those things. In fact the way I see it, you can do absolutely anything,” he cupped your face and wiped some mascara stains from under your eyelids, “I’m upset because if anything, Tae and Ten might just be scared you’ll blow them out of the water, so if anything they should practice more and give you a break.”  

He got a light chuckle to leave your chest before he continued, “I’m upset because I’ve told the kids many times you have a lot to do and they still wiggle their way into your schedule,”  

You huffed, knowing good and well he was implying it’s because you let them, “Overall, I’m upset because I’m watching you lose sleep, night after night, to keep up with everything you’re trying to do,” he pushed his forehead against yours, “You just worry me so much.”

You wrapped your arms around his waist, and nuzzled your face into his chest.  

“I just want to be better.” you said, quietly. “I get where you’re coming from.. especially with how much I scold you about working too hard before and during your comebacks, but I hate feeling like I’m disappointing people I love, Johnny.”

He let out one of his famous air filled, angelic like laughs, and you learned back with furrowed eyebrows wondering what was just so funny about your pouring your heart out to him.  

“First of all,” he said, “You’re not letting anyone down. If anything, everyone has you on a pedestal because they think you’re their own personal Super Woman.” Which made you roll your eyes, but deep down inside smile.

You huffed, “and second?” you questioned, looking him in the eyes.  

“You’re really cute when you’re mad!” He exclaimed, grabbing your cheeks and pushing them together like you were a baby. “Johnny, stop it!” You yelled pushing away from him and swatting his hands away. “I am not! I’m terrifying if anything!” you demanded, stomping your foot.  

It took a minute or two for Johnny to recover from a fit of laughter that retort had brought upon him. You just huffed and sat on the bed, slightly pouting, waiting for him to take you seriously.  

Basically, wiping tears of laughter away, Johnny walked over to the bed and sat next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. “Look,” he said lifting your chin, “Let me help you sometimes. Let’s get passed these finals, and we’ll go from there, ok?”  

You smiled, not because Johnny was so willing to help, but because you were lucky enough to have Johnny in the first place. He was so caring, patient, and understanding, and had so many qualities you wanted to learn from. His very existence just made you want to be the best person you could be.  

This time, the silence that now occupied the room, didn’t feel suffocating. You felt content, resting your head on Johnny’s shoulder and snuggling closer, just enjoying his presence.  

*THUD*

You jumped up from the bed and onto your feet with Johnny, both of you on the verge of a brief heart attack when the bed room door slammed opened wide, spilling out a group of boys. Haechan on the bottom of them all, followed by Chenle, Jisung, Jaemin, Jeno, and a Renjun standing on his feet proud and tall. 

“I told you not to all lean on the door like that” he said smugly smiling, crossing his arms. You and Johnny both rolled your eyes, while the boys pushed and shoved each other to get to their feet, acting as if they all hadn’t just been caught red handed eavesdropping.  

“We’re sorry..” Chenle genuinely said, looking down, like his feet were now the most interesting thing in the world.  

“It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve been caught listening through doors..” Johnny said, crossing his arms and starring at the younger group, like a parent who caught his kids getting snacks before dinner.  

“What?” Haechan questioned, “We’re not sorry about listening to your conversation!?” he said, almost scoffing and laughing at Johnny. With how quickly Johnny’s face deadpanned, had you borderline cackling.  

“We’re sorry if we caused you any stress..” Jaemin said, looking directly at you. “Or if we put you behind on any work.” Jeno added, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.   “We just really like spending time with you, y/n.” Renjun finished.

Your face softened significantly, and your chest was absolutely filled with butterflies because of the love these boys, Johnny included, could make you feel sometimes.

“It’s okay guys, no worries, I just might be on a tight schedule for the next few weeks ok?” They all shook their heads in understanding, and looked at each other, smirks forming. Before you thought anything of it, they were all running towards you and tackling you on the bed. The room filled with laughter, while Johnny was still standing near the foot of the bed with his arms crossed like he was left out, but way too cool to join in.  

“Alright, it’s still MY room and MY bed so why don’t you guys-”  

You miraculously jumped out of the pile of boys, and jumped on Johnny’s back, making him fall backwards into the bed with everyone else, making him also erupt into laughter.  

- Maybe you couldn’t take on the whole world by yourself, but if you remembered to tell yourself from time to time to breathe, it was going to be ok. You did have the best role model in your life, after all -