#Obey Me Shitpost

[l3viat8an]

MC:*watching Lucifer and Diavolo dance together at a party* Do you think Lucifer and Diavolo have ever kissed?

Barbatos:*sitting next to MC sipping on a glass of demonus* I know they’ve had intercourse before.

MC: Even I know that. But I’m asking if you think they’ve kissed.

[zouzoru-comms-open]

H-hey *drops all their obey me fanarts because I wanna make commissions*

[devildomangel]

MC who was sad that they didn't get to see the Solar Eclipse so Beel and Belphie decided to recreate it for them.

-MC, wearing sunglasses and sitting outside the HOL-

Lucifer: MC! What in the nine circles are you doing out here?

MC: I'm watching the eclipse.

Lucifer: We don't even have a sun in the devildom

MC: Shhh! It's starting!

Beel, Wearing a cardboard cut out of the sun: *Standing still*

Belphie: *Wearing a cardboard cut out of the moon, passes by Beel*

MC: Hell yeah

[cursed-sheep]

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo🐀✨

Bonus:

[astaroth1357]

If MC shouts one of the brothers names' loud enough in the Devildom, they will hear it and run right to them like it's an emergency.

Lucifer and Mammon are the fastest getting there.

Levi and Belphie are the slowest.

Beel and Satan will just cut a straight path to wherever MC is, even if they have to bust through walls and throw people to get there.

And Asmo never shows up alone. He'll always tell whoever he's with that MC needs help so he shows up with up to 10 guys as backup.

[mamma-mia-mammon]

saw this and felt inspired, 10k and i draw mammon with the cute little red ribbon choker

[jackalopesao3]

When you marry Lucifer, you’re also marrying Diavolo. He’s part of the deal. Two husbands for the price of one. #happythroupling

[hibiscuslovecandles]

Luuuucifer the human is being mean again >:(

[l-mint-l]

[opiopal]

Imagine Mc having a rough day and snapping at the brothers when the dining table gets a little to loud, but instead of just yelling at them as a group they go down the list oldest to youngest,

Like this,

Mc, shooting up from their seat at the dining table: HOLY SHIT SHUT THE FUCK UP ALL OF YOU.

The brothers all stop whatever argument they were having in shock,

Mc, pointing at lucifer: STOP BEING STUCK UP AND GIVE YOUR BROTHERS SOME BREATHING ROOM

Mc turns to mammon: STOP DIGGING THROUGH MY WALLET I AM JUST AS BROKE AS YOU. YOU WILL NOT FIND ANYTHING I PROMISE YOU THAT.

Mc, Now pointing at Levi: IF I HEAR ONE MORE WORD ABOUT “nOoOo iM jUsT a YuKy OtAkUu” WHEN I TRY TO SAY SOMETHING NICE WILL STRANGLE YOU. JUST TAKE A COMPLIMENT!

Satans turns: WE ALL HAVE DADDY ISSUES HERE DEAL WITH IT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND HAVE AN ATTRACTION TO FICTIONAL MEN INSTEAD OF TRYING TO ALWAYS CURSE LUCIFER! IT ALWAYS LEADS TO ALL OF US GETTING CURSED AS A WHOLE. SO DROP THE SPELL BOOK.

Mc turning to asmo: NOT EVERYTHING IS A SEXUAL INNUENDO. GET PENIS OFF YOUR MIND FOR FIVE MINUTES! I KNOW YOU ARE CAPABLE OF IT DONT LIE TO ME!

Mc turns to beel, skips beel,

Turns to belphie: AND YOU.

They drop their tone,

Mc: you know what you did.

By the end all the brothers are sunken down in their seats and/or look absolutely baffled at the sudden outburst, Mc steps away and shoves their chair back into place as they start storming out,

Lucifer: I- Mc where are you going?

Mc: Purgatory hall! Because even the CHILD doesn’t act as childish as all of YOU!

Of course after they cool off they do return and apologize for their outburst and how they should have just addressed their issues more calmly and not while they were all trying to eat,

[temis-de-leon]

Who's their emergency contact

.

Lucifer: Mammon, his favourite brother and the one he turns to when things get serious. For the sake of his peace and sanity, there are things he'd rather keep secret from Diavolo and just for this reason he can't trust Barbatos either; telling something to the butler would only result in the prince knowing.

Mammon: you, whether you like it or not. Depending on the situation, Lucifer may leave him longer than necessary in the hospital (or wherever he's retained) and his younger brothers tend to make fun of him most of the time. If he has to face someone's wrath, please let it be yours.

Levi: Lucifer, the default option. As much as he loves and trusts you, he needs to be realistic: there are some things you cannot handle. Besides that, of course, his eldest brother is responsible when making decisions, especially if his family is involved.

Satan: Lucifer and he hates it. It used to be Asmo until he had an accident with a spell and ended up in serious trouble. When Asmo arrived he cried so hard out of worry that they had to call Lucifer, so he reluctantly changed it to save some time in the future.

Asmo: you. If something happens to him, the first person he wants to see when he wakes up is you and, if it were really serious anyway, you wouldn't go alone to get him. Plus, he'd also die of happiness under your care since he'd be receiving all your attention!

Beel: Lucifer, who he trusts the most in stressful situations. He loves Belphie with all his heart, yes, but he can't trust his twin to be awake at random times; emergencies can happen at any hour, after all.

Belphie: Beel. Does he have to explain? Besides you, there's no one in the family he trusts more than him, so it just makes sense.

You: Lucifer. Mammon tried to negotiate. He tried.

.

.

Main Masterlist

This is so damn stupid. I promise I'm writing my normal posts, but I was watching Grey's Anatomy and it just happened. If it looks wonky, it's because I'm sleepy

Taglist: @ilovecandys2010  @ollieoven @kingofspadesdelusion

[l3viat8an]

Levi: You like me?!? Like like me?!!?

MC: Yea… it surprised me too.

Levi: But I have anxiety and-

MC: And that’s what drew me in. Your natural awkward anxiety ridden charm!

[foxyaroace]

Flashback to lesson 6

Mc:…you know I’m still mad about the fact that you almost killed Luke that one time

Lucifer:…mc it’s been 6 years since then, I’m pretty sure he had forgotten by now

Luke playing with Mc’s hair: no I still remember that day like it was yesterday

Lucifer: can you two stop attacking me please

Mc getting up: how are we attacking you-

Lucifer: this is harassment, you just got up to hit me

Mc: HOW IS THAT-

Lucifer: I can’t no more I’m leaving

Mc:….you see what I had to deal with ever since I was 19 Luke..

Luke: I feel more sorry for you now Mc..

[sphireath-wisp]

One day, out of nowhere, the RAD Newspaper Club announces the start of a new account on Devilgram, dubbed a RAD confessions page. Promising anonymity with every post, they wish to seek out honest, unfiltered opinions and serve as a safe space.

It started off pretty light, of course.

"I think the future demon lord's butler and the Avatar of Pride are a weirdly coherent pair"

"The new curses class teacher that just joined RAD is unbelievably boring, skip his classes because they don't help. At all."

"The major blood spill that happened in 4th period in the girls' bathroom was me oops"

These little, usually harmless confessions didn't shock anyone. It barely served as anything interesting and you had overheard a group of their members complaining during lunch. Amused after hearing the RAD Newspaper Club's dispirited attitudes as the popularity of the account didn't rise as they originally anticipated, you decided to help them out a little by stirring the pot.

You stand up, excusing yourself from Satan, Beel, Belphie, and Mammon. "I'll be back," you promise with a cheeky grin. You make a beeline straight for Solomon, sitting beside him without a word with your shoulders touching his.

"Need something from me?" he chuckles, enjoying the sudden proximity.

You lean closer with your hands covering the sides of your face so no one could guess what you were mouthing out. Instinctively, Solomon tilts his head to you before... "mwah!" and that's all you say to him before scurrying off back to Satan, Mammon, and the twins.

Later that evening, a new post on the confession page pops up.

"oh my diavolo, you can't tell me yall didn't see the two transfer humans kissing!"

and devilgram goes wild.

[authormars]

MC: How do angels reproduce?

Simeon: Well, it's a very complicated process and the Father-

Lucifer: Mitosis

MC:

Simeon:

Lucifer, pointing to Satan: Mitosis

[absolutepokemontrash]

This is literally the Obey Me fandom with Lucifer 😭