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yanderes-galore · 1 year ago

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I need to feed my Yuuta brairot so can I request a yandere concept for Okkotsu with Childhood Friend! Darling?

At the time of writing this (5/30/24), I have finally seen Volume 0 on Crunchyroll so I can finally do this request! Hope you like it! Warning, this is a bit long and is mostly me rambling. I was a bit too excited to write his character, lol.

Yandere! Yuta Okkotsu with Childhood Friend! Darling

(Volume 0)

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Manipulation, Mentions of depression/suicidal thoughts (Due to canon), Dark themes, Violence, Blood, Death, Trauma, Slight stalking, Dubious companionship/relationship.

The idea of this is actually a bit cute although unnerving.

Yuta's childhood friend in canon was Rika.

So I can take this request in two directions.

You replace Rika and end up being his Cursed Spirit companion.

You're different from Rika and have been one of the few other people Yuta is close to.

Both versions of the concept are intriguing but I think I'll stick to the second variation for the sake of simplicity. (I definitely want to explore the first version at some point)

Yuta was always a timid boy in childhood, often isolating himself due to Rika.

He was shown to be sick when young, maybe you met him and Rika in childhood?

When you were young you three were a trio, which would certainly keep Rika from killing you.

Rika, for the most part, reacts to Yuta's emotions.

As you grow up, Rika leaves you be due to how Yuta feels.

She's jealous at first, yet sees that Yuta would hate her if she hurt you.

Which leads to, guess what, you having them both to deal with until she passes on years later.

Yuta originally wants to isolate himself and not cause any trouble for you.

There's times he's wanted to end it all due to the amount of times he's been bullied.

However, he has you.

You try to help, even when Yuta is adamant on you not helping.

Especially since Rika proceeds to kill every single one of his bullies.

You're the only one he feels he can speak with.

But... he can tell you're scared of his Curse.

Yuta... is worried you'll hate him... which ends up driving him away from you at times.

It's worse if you can't see Curses, as you can't see the cause.

However, if you can?

Perhaps you're able to see Curses and are able to see Rika.

Well, even then, you're scared of what follows Yuta.

Even if Rika won't hurt you for Yuta.

You always knew Yuta as a timid kid and pitied him a bit.

Even in High School you tried to be close to him, hoping to still be supportive.

Unfortunately, Yuta may not see you again until after the events with Geto if you aren't a Sorcerer.

You aren't from a Sorcerer house, so you aren't quite sure what to think of Curses even if you can see them.

You're actually quite worried when Yuta goes MIA.

You two are in two different worlds now.

You're a non-sorcerer and Yuta is a Special Grade Jujutsu Sorcerer.

You probably don't expect to see him again after he changes schools.

So it surprises you when Yuta does eventually show back up in your life.

Due to you being a non-sorcerer, Yuta may feel an overwhelming urge to protect you.

After all... the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons attack gets to him.

He knows of Geto's hate for "Monkeys" and realizes how... weak you are compared to a man like him.

Rika has moved on now, yet Yuta is still as strong as ever.

When Yuta sees you again, his chest tightens.

You're so oblivious to all he's gone through... and he's changed so much.

When you see him again, you go to ask if it's him.

Leading to Yuta enveloping you in a tight hug.

Oh how he's missed you.

You notice Yuta is extremely friendly and sociable compared to his usual timid self.

You want to ask so many questions, yet Yuta's just so excited.

He knows he has to study abroad soon, but he wanted to see you again so bad.

He's seen so much although he's unsure how to explain it.

Yuta has learned to cherish the friends he has.

Plus he definitely has anxiety about you since Geto's Curse Users are still around.

He keeps thinking about how strong he is...

You just keep smiling and talking to him, rambling to him as you have no clue what has happened.

Yuta thinks he can work with that.

Maybe it's for the best you don't know about the Sorcerer world?

Yuta may not tell you what happened if you don't know of Curses.

He's just been busy and has gotten help for his more timid nature.

You may not understand... but why does that matter?

Best you just focus on catching up, yeah?

Yuta has a higher chance of being a platonic yandere in this case, but he could also swing romantic.

His first concern when seeing you is making up for lost time.

He's been away from any source of normalcy for a long time now.

When seeing you he just wants to keep close.

Yuta's more protective than he was when he was younger with you.

You're surprised but he doesn't fully explain it until later.

He's just... missed you and has gone through a lot.

That's how the obsession begins, when he's older with you and seen the horrors of the world.

He's no longer that timid boy.

He's a man who can kill to protect those he loves.

Yet to you, he's still Yuta.

You notice he's more controlled now and things don't die around him anymore.

Although you have no clue where's he's been.

Yuta is an intense yandere due to how much he cares for people.

His obsession is most likely derived from the trauma he's gone through.

He's seen his fellow Sorcerers slaughtered and injured.

You aren't even a Sorcerer.

You're his childhood friend... one he sees as naive.

So wherever you go, Yuta is tempted to follow.

You just think he's being clingy.

If only you knew.

Yuta would kill for you if a Curse User targeted you.

You're oblivious to Curses and Curse Users hunting you down, before you even know about it, Yuta's slaughtered/exorcised them.

Yuta's used to blood on his clothes.

He always makes sure you're out of sight and out of range before he deals with any threat.

Yuta gains the mindset of wanting to protect you in this world even more now that he's a Sorcerer.

He's so sorry he pushed you away when he was younger.

Now he can protect you! (Similar to how Rika did with him)

Yuta is friendly but can be ruthless when you're in danger.

He feels no one else can protect you like he can.

As your childhood friend... he'll take that role.

You can't part from Yuta once he decides to stick by you.

It takes him a long time to go for his abroad studies.

He can't fathom the thought of leaving you alone now.

You find such behavior weird, granted, Yuta has been clingy in the past...

Not this much, though.

Honestly, even if Yuta explained the dangers of being a Jujutsu Sorcerer to you, you'd be hesitant until you saw it yourself.

He may even tell you eventually as much as he hates it so you know to stay close.

Yuta is already a protector at heart, it's in his blood (Quite literally, he's related to Gojo distantly)

So it's obvious he'll sacrifice everything to keep you safe.

Rika's gone now, he knows that.

You aren't.

For the sake of Rika and his own well-being, he needs you safe.

It's too easy to die in this world.

Hopefully you trust him... right?

The blood on his clothes is necessary.

Unfortunately it's also a common sight.

There's no use being stubborn with him, either.

Yuta's going to be stern with you, after all, he's seen what this world is really like.

Yuta loves you, as to what extent is up to you.

He follows you everywhere until he's dragged off to study abroad.

Even if he is, I can see him asking someone to watch over you until he can return.

Like Gojo or one of his friends for example.

He'd rather die than lose you to a Curse User or Curse when he's gone.

So prepare for Yuta never leaving your side once he comes back from his studies...

You and Rika have protected him enough... it's time he returned the favor.

#yandere jujutsu kaisen #yandere jjk #yandere yuta #yandere yuta okkotsu

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idyllphile · 1 month ago

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I don't know if this is something you're interested in talking about, but how do you think this whole operation started? With Hector and his brothers? I would like to know considering you think Abuelita knows about it (and maybe even what her role was in earlier days. Maybe some kind of Skyler situation until she was finally able to distance herself when it took off?? Which the cousins aren't aware of because they weren't born yet.)

I would really like to hear your thoughts!

Just saw your Tucoposting about Abuelita and was reminded of the "Do you think Lalo was ever poor?" post from Loadednachos, making me want to see your take on this in general.

It is absolutely something I'm interested in talking about!! okay so my thoughts on this are about 95% Just My Headcanon, but they do at least start off from what little about Abuelita we learn from the show lol

but before we talk about what's in the show, I have to start with what's on the BCS wiki: according to Abuelita's page, she was born around 1924. According to Hector's page, he was born around 1939. now, that isn't confirmed in canon (the wiki does this frequently, make guesstimates about character ages), but I choose to go with it, and it means that Abuelita is only fifteen years older than her son. that's really really young to be a mother, and it's part of why I think what I think about Abuelita

to put it plainly: I think Abuelita is a person who chooses helplessness. I imagine that she got pregnant and then married someone (possibly an older man) who she had to pretty much rely completely. a teen mom in the 40s? she's hardly spoiled for options and places to turn, other than to hope the guy who knocked her up will provide for her and her child, and a good way to convince him to do so is to inspire his pity and sense of responsibility for this poor helpless girl

as for the personality of her unknown husband, I haven't thought about him much; I don't have a solid idea for Who He Was, but I definitely think he had power over Abuelita; did he abuse it, did he abuse her? maybe, maybe not. but regardless, I think Abuelita became someone (either deliberately, or she just changed over time) who Needs To Be Cared For (By A Man). someone a man can puff up his chest about being able to provide for, someone who a man wouldn't feel like he needs to strictly and harshly control because she's only a delicate and helpless woman, never a threat to his ego

as evidence for this, I point to her interactions with Tuco. I'm gonna type out word she says; literarily, this is just about all the dialogue she has in the show. here's what she says when she walks in the door, skateboard twins following close behind:

A: My son! My son, are you here?

T: I'm in the kitchen.

A: My son, I don't know what to do. These boys, these boys. Listen, I was driving, and suddenly there was a noise. I think I hit him.

T: Grandma, don't worry. It's alright.

A: Oh my God! But they're so angry! You see? He's hurt!

T: Grandma, everything is okay.

A: What is happening? I didn't mean to...

T: Isn't your show starting? Why don't you go upstairs and watch.

A: They say I'm in trouble.

T: There's no problem. Everything's alright. I'll take care of it. Turn it up so you can hear it, okay? Really loud.

A: Yes, yes... oh my God, oh my God...

and here's what she says when she comes out of her room and sees Tuco cleaning up the carpet:

A: My son? My son? My son, what's happening?

T: Nothing. Everything's okay.

A: Are those men still here?

T: They're gone.

A: Ah, yes... I'm in trouble, right?

T: No, Grandma, everything is alright. They're not going to bother you again.

A: What's that on my carpet?

T: I spilled salsa.

A: Oh, my son...

T: Grandma -

A: Let me help you.

T: No, no, no, I'm almost finished. You're missing your show.

A: Oh... are you sure?

T: Yes, let 'my son' take care of it.

A: You're a very good boy. Very good boy. Listen, don't forget to use club soda!

T: Yes, yes, don't worry.

and here's what she says when she comes out of her room the second time:

A: My son! My son. Who's this man? Is he with the others?

T: No, no. He's a salesman. Grandma, I'll take care of it. Where are you going?

A: I'm going to grab the club soda. My son, I can still see the salsa you spilled. You can't let it dry.

T: Grandma, I will get the club soda, I swear. Trust me. Please, just go upstairs.

A: Okay, but I don't want that to dry. Because once it does, you can't get it out.

I'll start off by acknowledging the thing pretty much everyone's already talked about: the fact that she tells Tuco to use club soda on the 'salsa' stain, despite the fact that club soda would not be good for cleaning salsa, but would be effective at cleaning blood. this is the big thing that 'Abuelita Knows' believers use for their arguments, and I'm no different! but there's also more here that we can look at that I think further backs up this theory

read over her dialogue. do you notice anything? remember the context: that she just committed a hit-and-run. she just plowed someone over with her car and drove home rather than trying to help them. yet, she says "I think I hit him." she says, "I was driving, and suddenly there was a noise." that's oddly vague, isn't it? and oddly passive?

we saw the twins pull their scam on her; whichever one of them was the 'victim,' he went right over the windshield. we saw what that looks like from the driver's perspective when they did it to Jimmy, and it is not anything you can be vague about. she saw the body go flying, she felt the impact, yet she uses such wishy-washy language to describe the situation and minimizes her own understanding of it. I do believe that she believes she really did hurt the twin, and that she is regretful, but the pain of the man she ran over and left in the street is not at all her focus: her focus is on herself, on her worry, on whether or not she's in trouble

in my opinion, she's positioning herself to be comforted. she downplays her fault in and her comprehension of what's happened and seeks to be reassured by The Man Who Takes Care Of Her, and that's exactly what Tuco does; he tells her not to worry, that everything's alright, that there's no problem, and he ushers her away from the situation so that he can handle it for her

do I think she's some Calculated Manipulator? no, not at all. I just think this is how she's dealt with stressful things for a very long time; she lets The Man Who Takes Care Of Her deal with it because she's so upset and couldn't possibly do it herself. it's learned helplessness

notice how easily she let herself be sent upstairs to watch her show while Tuco dealt with the twins (with no questions about the the rather interesting suggestion that she turn the volume up loud)? despite this, she back comes out of her room twice. it can definitely be argued that it was purely out of curiosity for the noises she heard, but personally, I think that it was her attempt to keep Tuco from dealing with the twins too severely. I think she knows that Tuco has a great capacity for violence and hoped that her presence would prevent that, as it's very clear that Tuco doesn’t want anything to upset her. but the first time she comes out, the twins are already 'gone' as Tuco says, and there's a red stain that she clearly suspects to be blood based on her suggestion he use club soda; she thinks that the violence has already occurred and pretty much goes 'oh well' and returns to her room. the second time she comes out, she sees Jimmy, and attempts to go downstairs and start cleaning the stain while he and Tuco are still 'talking.' I believe this is her attempt to keep Jimmy from harm, because Tuco won’t do anything as long as she's there to see

but she gives up pretty easily, doesn’t she? it only takes a little bit of insistence from Tuco to have her going back to her room again, leaving Jimmy alone with him. she tries, but doesn’t try too hard; she doesn’t go against what Tuco tells her to do. she'd prefer no one get hurt, but she won’t cause any conflict between herself and The Man Who Takes Care Of Her

I think it was like this with Hector and her other sons as well, once they became criminals and founding members of the cartel. they were The Men Who Took Care Of Her, so she didn't try to stop them or turn them in; she simply allowed herself to be coddled as an Oblivious Innocent and pretended she wasn't aware of the kinds of things her sons were doing to make their living. it was mutually beneficial: Hector and the other sons got to keep their mother's presence and love in their life, not losing it due to their criminality, and Abuelita continued to be provided for at only the low cost of Not Thinking About What They Do

now, I'll admit that my 'evidence' is far from solid; it's all just based on my personal interpretation of her behavior and dialogue, and I could be totally wrong, but I do feel like this is a believable explanation for why her character acts the way she does. why does she commit a hit-and-run? why does she suggest club soda for a 'salsa' stain? why does she seem to have no idea what kind of man her beloved grandson is? it's because it's easier to be helpless and let other people deal with problems for her. though she herself isn't involved in crime, she's aware that her family members are, and though she chooses ignorance she does know and it shows in her behavior

I think Abuelita is kind of like a parallel to Manuel; an older family member to a cartel man who knows what said family member is a part of but still loves them. she's like what Nacho sort of (but not really, not truly) wishes Manuel would be: oblivious, happy to accept his ill-gotten wealth, unfailingly indulgent and never one to rock the boat and start a confrontation about his criminal activity. Nacho doesn't actually want that, doesn’t want his father to compromise his morals (doesn’t want to make him dirty like Mike made his son, yay more parallels), but the part of him that just wants things to be easy and simple wishes it could be that way

so no, I don't believe she was ever part of the cartel in any way, not even in a Skyler sort of sense where she reluctantly participated to keep her sons from being caught. she was complicit in that she knew they were committing crimes, but I think she was kept far away from it all and was happy to never try to get closer and learn anything about the things her sons were doing. eating the sausage and never thinking about how it was made, you know?

of course, headcanons to the contrary are fun! I hope everyone who likes imagining 'Doña Salamanca, Badass Cartel Queen' has a blast doing so :)

and now that I've typed all this out, I realize that I didn't actually answer your question about how I think the cartel operation got started, like the founding of it and such; sorry! this ended up being all about Abuelita, lol. I can get into that if you want! though I'm still working through my thoughts and trying to pin down my headcanons about it in all honesty

also, I know the post you're referring to! Loadednachos has great takes on Salamanca Family History; I actually use the names they came up with for Hector's brothers in my own headcanons!

#Better Call Saul #Abuelita Salamanca #thanks so much for the ask! I had fun replying! :D #asks #sparksposts

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saltynsassy31 · 10 days ago

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hi! A random ask about Brazil, only if you want to answer ofc :D

What’s it like down in Brazil? I live pretty far up north in a more isolated area so whenever I try to describe a big city or somewhere outside of America that is warm when writing I have no idea what I’m doing.

I have tried the internet before but I can never be too sure how accurate it is because you can make up literally anything, so a first hand perspective is really great. lol I hate describing places wrong bc as an Alaskan people get it so wrong when they describe it up here.

No, we don’t live in igloos lmao.

Is it true that there are macaws everywhere? *Cringing at self for the most generic question ever* it’s just so difficult to imagine such large and colorful birds flying around like nobody’s business in huge flocks.

Are Brazilian cities the types of cities that have trees and random wildlife wandering, or is it like a very well monitored city space with minimal wildlife wandering about?

we have moose up here munching on our decorative trees in our front yards 🥲

I have not lived in Brazil in over 6 years, but I think I am still qualified to answer this XD

12 years of experience is still experience, and I also go visit family, duh Anyway, I'll put it under the cut cuz I just KNOW this is going to get long XD

I get wanting to write accuretly, so feel free to ask more specific stuff! Even if it's stereotypical or whatever, I love talking about my home country!! And people won't learn if they don't ask the "stupid" questions first.

But okay, so I just have to make one thing clear, and that Brazil is HUGE!! So my experience will be vastly different from someone else's, unless they lived where I lived. I do have the bonus fact that I had family scattered across Brazil, so I've visted plenty of different parts of Brazil.

It's not just weather that changes, but culture too. One great example is the culture and weather difference between where I lived and where my paternal granparents lived. I'm from Goiás, they're from Rio Grande do Sul. Goiás is a desert place while RS is a lot more similar to Portugal (and probably why I ended up getting used to the weather here so easily). Culture wise, RS has a lot of italian immagrants, so the culture revolves around that. Goiás is... I honestly don't know how to describe Goiás XD. Very uh... cowboyish?

But imma stick mainly to my hometown. Most of Brazil is hot, but it's mainly the places in the center as we cross straight through the equator, the hottest point of earth. It's basically summer all year round, no kidding. It never snows, and the best we get is rain. And when it rains, oh BOY is it a storm! Literally! We aren't exactly ready for that kind of weather. My school flooded once and it was a whole ordeal, streats became rivers and some kids even had to stay behind at school until it was safe to drive again. Every time it rained, 9/10 times school was cancelled. And they were often sudden too. It's why when we moved here and it rained almost every day, I'd get freaked out at school and panic worrying if we'd be able to get back home or not.

I've heard it's been getting colder back home though, so like... idk, climate change or something.

Tempertures could go up to 50ºC, most days would go around 30-40, colder days would be around 10-20 (usually during winter, which btw, when it's winter in the US, it's summer for us and vice versa XD. Though you don't really notice if you lived where I lived). It's also worth mentioning Goiás is pretty dry, dryer than a desert sometimes. So getting nose bleeds was a very common experience, to the point I never treated it as a big deal or didn't understand why it was for some. It was mostly an inconvinience.

And yes, it is very, very much true that we have macaws everwhere XD. Well, mainly the more tropical parts of Brazil. I can't recal seeing as many macaws when visiting my family in the south, though the south does get colder (and even soemtimes have shallow snow), and I usually visited during winter because winter is when we had vacation, so they probably migrated lmao. They still had it though.

Even in big cities, usually in national parks, you'll see all types of colorful birds. Saw a bunch of toucans just driving back from school to my grandma's home. And when I woke up at my grandma's home (my maternal grandma lived in the same city as us), I'd wake up to the sound of macaws (the most accurate depiction of this was actually done in Stardew Valley. When I first went to Ginger Island and stayed there long enough that the background music stopped and there were only the macaws making noise left, I burst into tears because it reminded me so much of my grandma's home) I didn't wake up to any noise like that because I lived in an apartment, most apartments aren't nowhere nears any wild life, and even if they were, it's too high up for you to hear any noise lol

And to answer the next question, yes, even big cities we have a lot of wildlife. Though not all wild life is the big green trees, sometimes it's sand and dried trees XD. And for animals wandering around, kind of? Again, they mostly stayed within the parks. We had HUGE parks absolutely everywhere, but they were often self contained. I remember one time while stuck in traffic, I watched as this lady had her groceries get stolen by a monkey LMAO.

But no, they don't wander around the city, they stay within the parks. But like, also I guess depends on the city. I am a city girl, my city was HUGE! Not the biggest city, but pretty big and industrial, but we still had a lot of wildlife scattered about.

But still, yeah, compared to cities in the US, I guess you could say it's pretty diverse.

#salty rants #salty answers

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boyakishantriage · 2 years ago

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Humans *bickering bickering*

Alien: what's. Going. On??

Human: good question, if I had to guess. Something about fashion.

Alien: fashion?

Human1: no, I say pink and green...

Human: ... I mean, they're arguing with fancy names, colours, photos. I generally-

Alien: no. How. Why would you argue about clothing?

Humans: *freezes and starts shouting at alien*

Human: hey, what's so bad about... *Thinks* Arabic fabric?

Human4: OH DON'T GET ME STARTED-

Alien: how-

Human: generally speaking, skimming fashion blogs for key discourse points-

Alien: no. How. How do you keep doing that?

Human: do what?

Alien: Every situation, problem. You're always so-

Human: calm.

Alien: Yeah. And you know-

Human: exactly what to say?

Alien: and-

Human: it's frustrating that I somehow keep finishing sentences so simply and easily?

Alien: ... Yes.

Human: dunno, I just. Plan a lot, scaffold and have a finger in every industry. I don't bother with the changing styles, but there's always something that stays consistent in those spheres.

Alien: ... Like what?

Human: Engineering nerds, constantly arguing over hypothetical problems and best ways to fix em. Same with philosophy, IT, film and a lot of creative or functional fields. More qualitative industries it's comparisons, things and ways to make thing appear feel etc.

Alien but how do you-

Human: I don't. I just scribble notes with eight layers versus the standard 3-5 layered notes.

Alien: How do-

Human: good question. I don't remember, just. Planned until i hit a wall, then worked around it, under it and through it.

Alien: but how-

Human: I told you, we lost a lot of information. We've learnt and figured out a lot with what we have, but we've lost so much that it drives a lot of people insane.

Alien: ...

Human: but, we just. Move on, write down what we know so we don't lose more and just. Go with it I guess, but I'm special. One of a kind as far as anyone or I can tell, and yeah. I make mistakes, yeah I get scared and yeah. I'll probably get into shit for being what I am-

Alien: but that doesn't answer any of the questions.

Human: Well, I don't have an answer for you.

Alien: but. How. You're so ready and yet you don't-

Human: *shrugs* Again, we lost so much. People, memories, techniques, history. we don't now what we don't, but if we fixated on that we'd never get anywhere. Worry about something that's important but lost, or worry about something that's less important. But here *baps the alien's chest*

Alien: ... But-

Human: no more buts, think about it later. For now, you've got your job and I've got mine.

Alien: ...

I still don't understand this species, words I've frustrated by my predecessors, but. It's difficult. Humans are so diverse, complex and hard to really understand. But they are also so, simple. So, paradoxical in how two opposing nature's can work together as seperate and as one. And the human's theories, friends. Network. All of it, it just. Doesn't make sense, yet it works. And we have evidence it's not just about being a human, but not a mindset or something you learn. While I have not changed much from this, the questions this raises which nobody seems to be able to answer. From the invasion to today, the final report and attached files. Nothing makes sense.

Human: that's. Kind of the point.

Alien: ... Who is this?

Human: hacked your device, this is a program that creates a window for me to type into lol.

Alien: What. How-

Human: human nature is complicated, messy and is more a catch all term to describe a kind of mindset. Nobody actually knows how, when or what it is. But it's like hope.

Hope is a lie, we all know it, deep down. But it's about trying, to be better and try even when it's hopeless. Pointless even, it doesn't make sense because when we asked why should we,we just responded

Well, why not?

#humans are space orcs #tag #Triage #Aura #lore shit #E

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david-watts · 5 days ago

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@fancycolours tagged me forever ago to do this fun little tag game and I think at the time I was in the depths of being very diseased. so I may have already done this and I just don't remember. oh well! doing it anyway!

do you make your own bed? yeah. I don't change my sheets as often as I probably ought to but I have to put the ungodly amount of blankets back onto my bed every few days because after a certain point they do just slide off lol

favourite number? there are a lot of numbers that I feel drawn to but of the ten digits it would be eight. possibly because it's a purple colour to me which is funny because I've liked that number for longer than I've liked purple as much as I do now

if you could go back to school, would you? complicated answer to this. in a way I would like to go back to being in school because at least it felt like I had a chance back then even though it was an absolutely horrific time. but also I don't miss anything about it other than that

can you parallel park? can't actually drive

do you think aliens are real? yeah the chances of earth being the only planet that supports life in the entire universe is very low. whether or not aliens have actually visited earth and/or encounter stories are real is another matter that varies on a case by case basis

can you drive a manual car? again can't actually drive. I'll probably learn manual though if I do

what’s your guilty pleasure? I don't know what I simultaneously take both pleasure and guilt from and honestly if I can think of something it won't be something I admit to publicly

any phobias? being stranded in (as in actually in, treading water) very deep water with no sign of land, or not being able to reach land. I'm alright with being in a boat, I'm actually alright with deep water, even if I can't see the bottom too well if I know how deep it is. I think this is because of two things; 1. that scene from happy feet with the iceberg and the human objects sinking and 2. two times I nearly drowned as a child (out of many), the first being when I was walking in what was maybe chest-deep water for me at the time when I suddenly stepped into a hole that submerged me, and the second being a time where I got caught in a current I wasn't quite strong enough to swim out of

favourite childhood sport? I didn't take interest in sports when I was younger because of the combination of untreated asthma and a mild dose of dyspraxia meaning that I don't run very efficiently. which meant that doing any running was hellish. hated doing it. played hockey for school from grades five to twelve though

do you talk to yourself? not myself. I have conversations with the voices that are in my head.

tattoos? I don't have any and I don't plan on getting any because there's nothing I can think of that I want on my body permanently. other people's tattoos are cool and I like the idea of them but simply there is nothing I can think of that I would want

favourite colour? purple it is such a pretty colour... fun fact actually the copy of the mint that I have 'borrowed' from my father has purple edges to the pages

do you like puzzles? yeah actually. I don't do them nearly enough

anyway! that was fun. I won't be tagging anyone but feel free to say that I tagged you if you want to do this

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an-expected-journey-to-jeju · 6 months ago

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Journal entry #14

It's been a full week since I started school again.

Monday and Tuesday were alright but I didn't end up going to school because my stomach hurt. Before I continue, I have to complain about how much I hate my stomach.

So on Monday, I might have eaten too many cocktail sausages because at midnight, was fighting for my life in the bathroom. I had the WORST intestinal gas pain in my whole entire life. I was so nauseous and I felt like i was getting stabbed. I swear, I couldn't find my waist after I was done. It was literally gone, SNATCHED. I though that was the end but on Wednesday I woke up with stomach pain (gas pain). It wasn't super bad, but it was definitely uncomfortable. I ended up staying home that day. I could have gone to school, but who wants to be uncomfortable with gas pains at school? Also I didn't know how I would get to school and I didn't have enough time to figure it out (that's anxious person time, not normal person time).

Oh, you wanna know the reason why I didn't know how to get to school? Well, as you know I only had one week off and I was wondering if it was the same with the regular uni students. Well I found out that their break is different AND longer. So the shuttle bus that I usually take is not running anymore UNTIL March. My semester ends February 20th! So for this whole semester, I have to take the regular public bus to get to school which is totally fine except I'll be moving far away from the school soon.

Anyway, school has been pretty good. I only missed one day cause of my stomach, but I'm liking it! It's still inconvenient to learn in a classroom. I'd rather just learn by myself, but at least I am able to concentrate. We also had class in the different building for the whole week. It was warm, but I hate that the heater doesn't seem to stay on/stay a consistent temperature. I get toasty warm, and then cold again, and then toasty warm, and then cold again. I hate my body temperature, it fluctuates so much.

2024.12.22

If I didn't suddenly remember, Christmas would have gone past and I wouldn't have even known. It's just so different here than back home. I'm so used to seeing houses with Christmas trees and lights, but there is none of that here. It's also weird not being home for Christmas. I miss everyone and the vibes and the food. I really wish I could have gone home for Christmas. I wouldn't care about the cost or flight time. I just wish that I had an actual vacation, then I would have the time to go.

I also went to a grocery store today with one of the sisters that works in the kitchen at LRIS. It was pretty fun! I just like being in grocery stores I think. The organization, the different sections, is just *muah*. Of course I had to do my makeup as well. I have to look better than everyone else in the grocery store LOL. I wish I had my own car, then I would be able to drive to the grocery stores whenever I want and stock up on food. I've really been wanting to cooking these days. I've actually been studying up on how to cook. If only I could actually put into practice the things I've been learning. I really want to cook! I think I am able to cook in the kitchen downstairs, but I don't know where anything is as well as I don't have the ingredients to cook with. I wouldn't mind taking the bus to a mart but even getting to a bus is a bit tedious. It's also very cold outside because of the wind. Apparently near the new school there is a super market? But when I looked at it on kakao maps it does not look like a super market. I'm not sure if it was just labeled wrong, or "super market" is just a very generic term and can be used for anything. (I went to go check again, but now I'm on TikTok LOL)

I also figured out how to get to school! So on Thursday I got dropped off at school because I still didn't know the bus schedule. But Friday, I took the bus! I still didn't have a good idea of when the bus would come because there wasn't exactly a set schedule I could find like I can at home. I woke up later because I thought I would have more time but then I got a message from the brother that drove me saying to leave now. I was still getting ready so I had to pick up the pace. Overall it was pretty straightforward. The bus comes at 8:23~ish and the terminus station is my university so I don't have to worry about when to get off.

It also has been officially three months since I've came here!

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favoriteizzy · 9 months ago

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@e-vay

OMG I finally got back to WRITING!! I've been going through way to much but i'm finally able to take a break and get back to my favorite hobby and I'll be doing more fanfics later Also Happy late birthday E-vay this is for you

A Trip Of Rivalry

Ima do at least 10 parts / and if you want to write something or draw something about this fan fic pls use hashtag # A trip of rivalry! I am trying to be famous so this helps alot

While Amy and Sonic went to the client’s house, Shadow and Aurora had just arrived to the brand new Diamond Café. It opened up a month ago and Rouge told shadow about the place. Not because of the name itself, but because of how it looked. They Hopped of the motorcycle and entered the place for the reservation. As soon as they entered they would be shined with bright diamonds around the place with blue and white walls and white tables with such fancy chairs and many decor. Shadow started to feel guilty because he didn’t think this would be a well and fancy café, he thought the name was just something to catch customers in, but by the way this place looked, this was for people who were going on dates or a anniversary celebration. But of course those to were the only ones with normal clothes people would wear to the mall. After waiting only 10 minutes a employee came to escort them to there table. “ Thank you” Aurora said sitting down. “ Your welcome the waiter well be here shortly” the employee replied walking away to help the next person. They opened the menu and went to see the foods. Shadow ordered a steak medium rare while Aurora ordered the chicken Alfredo pasta. The couple talked about how their day was and their plans for the following week.

(TIME-SKIP because i'm still learning about how to write good dialogue sorry LOL)

They were halfway through their food and so far they had absolutely no complaints. Even shadow cracked a smile here and there because he honestly enjoyed his steak. "So...sense my parents will be working for a while how about we head to the park I'd need to blow off some of this pasta im full" Aurora said patting her stomach showing she was about ready to go. "Yeah I'm with you on that I could blow some fat off too how about a little race while we're at it~" Shadow said giving Aurora a smirk challenging her. "Oh your own mister!". Shadow pulled out his wallet and payed for the food. They exited the restaurant feeling full but satisfied with no longer feeling the need for food. Once again they hop on shadows motorcycle riding to the nearest park. Before shadow drives quickly aurora grabs her phone and snaps a photo of her and shadow riding around the city then sending to her mom saying "Having a great time tell dad I said hi love you both ❤️" She put her phone in her pocket and held onto shadows back as they get closer to their destination.

#sonic au #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #aurora the hedgehog #e vay #Happy late birthday E-VAY!! I love your art and you are one of my best inspirations!!!

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thepancakewitch · 1 year ago

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venting n talkin

Eeughh career wise I'm still not sure what I wanna do. I think I'd be an excellent therapist but I really love creating.

The most logical but somehow most arduous process seems to be becoming an art teacher, then work on my masters during that time. I just cannot stand being at my work for another year, I absolutely resent my coworkers and I know I shouldn't but ugh.... they're awful. I get to see a therapist today so hopefully that's all good lol. I also get to ask about my DID and hypersexuality and see what we can do.

I also got to smooch and cuddle so many people at Orc Wars, it was awesome!!! I'm so like, crushing hard on this one guy... I only met him a few times but he's been so sweet and kind. His fiance and her girlfriend are absolute angels to me, I think they're a wonderful throuple. I would love to be apart of it eheehh..... but back to the guy, ugh ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; I haven't crushed on anybody in a bit so it's like really strong!!! He looked at me so tenderly and went, "You're so adorable" and I just melted into nothing then. My friend did my make up and he's like "oh you look amazing", with his big gorgeous smile and oh... gosh... He just held onto me and we hugged for so long, aaaahhh x333333333

I got to get closer to a friend, Blue, and we kissed, she was so sweet to me. She did my make up and it was like, I just felt so intimate with her all weekend. It's so deep and powerful being connected to a woman. Lesbian relationships are just so deeply connecting, I feel like ascends the physical realm and mostly becomes mentally stimulating. It kind of explains why I find it hard to be like my usual sort of aggressive sexiness, it's more like oh heeeyyyyyy how're youuu~~~ kind of a thing lol lol. I used to worry I didn't have a connection to women because I didn't feel the same as I do with men, but now I've learned it's different and I just enjoy the closeness so much. It's like the whispers of your hearts touch one another and become whole together... 🥲💖💕

I am so sosososo proud of my boyfriend for passing his blade master Apprentice trial, he was really mentally struggling but he did it. I was so happy I was able to like, bring him back to camp, nurse him up and basically give him all the support I could and he ran with it. It's so awesome watching him fight. I can't wait to fight alongside him.

also I'm gonna nest here, I told him like hey... I'm nesting here now, I decided after this event.... he's like, ohhh are we... are you saying we're more serious?? 🥺💖💕💕💕💖💖 and he got all excited and snuggled in on me, he's so sweet to me. I'm really fortunate and grateful for him.

....

BUT ALSO

I'M TOO MUCH OF A FEMININE BEAUTIFUL FAIRY TO BE IN A BACHELOR PAD. AAAAH.

NEVER AGAIN DUDE.

REFUSAL.

I SWEAR OFF LIVING WITH MEN, EXCEPT IF I HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN. Which would be p cool.

I have a feeling as well I'd love to be with Blue more, I'm gonna try to spend more time with her.

Man, I never thought in a million years I could be apart of such a deep community and feel so at home. I still will always feel a Lil out of place but that's my own issues I'm working on. I just wanna be the best me I can be and live my best life, and right now, all I know is I just wanna escape my job and be in a better environment. I absolutely love my other coworkers but my kitchen coworkers drive me fucking insane.

I'll see what my new therapist says and I'll go from there. It'll be good. :3

also eeeeee *hides face* eeeeeeeeeee

#Mabel Vents #more like mabel monologue

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1surfrocker · 2 years ago

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10/03/2023

So far I think I'm doing a pretty bad job of posting regular entires. The whole point of starting this was to keep a diary of sorts of my day-to-day so that I can refer back to my life experiences more vividly. I shouldn't look at this as a chore, and shouldn't approach it with an overly serious mindset. I'm not trying to write a novel here, or impress anyone with my use of words. Given the fact that I used to be an aspiring writer/journalist, it's very hard to break from that mentality and not write these entires in an overly wrought style.

I think that was in fact my writing style back when: Overly wrought. Too much style, not enough substance. I don't miss it at all.

Here's what I've been up to:

I took my mom out for her birthday the Saturday before last. We were going to go to the New Filmmakers movie festival in DTLA, but as I ended up being 45 minutes late stuck in a traffic jam on the 710 freeway, we instead went to go see The Equalizer pt3 starring Denzel Washington. 2 hours of watching Denzel kill the bloody shit out of bad guys as easy as you and I breathe air. I have to admit it was pretty fun. Afterwards we ate dinner at Hippo in Highland Park, which might just be my favorite restaurant in that part of town at this point. I've eaten there 3 times and it's always memorable. Some of the best fish I've ever eaten, and their bread is top notch.

The following day Amy and I measured, cut, and installed baseboard in the upstairs attic. Oh my god it only took us 1.5 years to get to this! The first hour of cutting was a real slog because we kept doing it wrong. Also, lesson learned: Next time get a double bevel mitre saw. Trying to adjust angles on a single bevel forces you to flip the wood upside down and right side over again in order to get the cut you need. It's like trying to read upside down. Not terribly tricky, but you need to get the hang of it. I only had to drive back to home depot once to buy more wood. The attic's looking great now and Amy's spending more time up there already getting things in order. It's her pet project and I want her to love doing it, which so far it seems like she is.

The entire work week last week is a blur. First time I've hit $33k GP since March (the writer's strike really put a dent in business this year) and I had to work harder than shit to do it, but it felt good to hit it.

The weekend came around and I took my mind off work entirely. Matt was supposed to come back over to pick up where we'd left off on our groovy goth-wave song, but he flaked (I think he was too hungover to make music, LOL!). So instead I was left to my own devices and started production for Passion, thus kicking off the start of my new In Fades album. I envision it being more electronic and more dancey than anything I've done in the past. But not without my patently flamboyant, overly romanticized style. Think Caribou meets Nick Cave.

Monday came around and I was still so damned tired from hitting my goal the previous week. Luckily it wasn't too busy. I continue to bring Barklie up to speed on all the ins and outs, and now finding more time for myself to prospect new clients. The idea of cold calling once again leaves an icy tinge somewhere inside of me, but it's nice to be able to have the freedom to do so once again.

I bought a gym membership for Amy last night so that we can go to LBR together any time we want to. We've been doing Acro Yoga classes together lately and it's been very enjoyable, and challenging, and a nice workout to boot!

This is about as properly caught up as I can make this post without going into tangents, so I'll wrap it up and move onto the rest of my evening. I plan to practice viola and if I'm feeling limber enough track it for Passion. That viola part will make that song come alive, I can feel it in my soul.

I might do some reading as well, but I have to admit I'm getting a little bored of this Richard III book. It's so very long.

Cheers

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themsource · 2 years ago

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Five years of laughs and tears

Well as I am officially 30 now I have come to the realization I've been in this fandom for a staggering five years. As a small gift and a bit of a thank you to those I've met and have stood by me through thick and thin (the ones I haven't shared this with lol) I've decided to share a preview from the sequel to my fic 'Skeletons in Heat', called 'Skeletons in Love'.

I'll be honest idk if I'll actually get around to publishing the sequel. I fully intend to finish the first one but after seeing how it's still ongoing after all this time, and the sequel has been sitting half finished on my hard drive for the last three years, idk...

Anyways I've had both ups and downs; have lost loved ones and friends, gained a few here and there, Been tangled up in nonsense and drama, have participated in wonderful events, so on and so forth. I just felt I needed a pick me up looking back on all that, and this scene I'm sharing has always managed to bring a smile to my face and I hope it does yours.

For context, 'Skeletons in Love' was going to take place in Nightmare's castle and focus on MC and the boys trying to rescue her, Axe, and Dusty from Nightmare's clutches. Nightmare in this is able to manipulate and control monster's via their LV except for when he's asleep. That's all I'll say for now because that's all I think is needed at a minimum to understand what's happening. (Just on the of chance I ever do publish it you aren't completely spoiled lol)

This scene focuses on MC and Dusty. It was one of the first scenes I wrote and is called 'Dusty's Redemption'. Oh and because I'm a lover of song dropping in my fics, here's the one that goes with this scene. So have this uncut and unedited in all it's messy glory!

Thank you for five years. Here's hoping for five more <3

You jolted at the sudden influx of magic behind you, your heart racing as momentary panic blindsided you. Untill your eyes focused long enough to tell it was Dusty looking at you. You held your breath as you looked at his eyelights and let it out slowly. They were the same size.

“Guessing he’s asleep?” You whispered. Dusty grimaced and gave a nod. Relieved you turned back around and stared out over the expanse of rolling darkness again, your mind trying to detach again as your shoulders slumped.

“you shouldn’t stare at it. there’s things out there that aren’t safe to look upon.” Dusty murmured as he took sluggish steps to stand beside you. You chuckled lamely. You were tired, your hand cupped your bruised wrist, so tired. There was silence.

“you ok?” That question jarred you into looking over and up at him. It had been so long since one of the skeletons had asked you that, the bond between you usually telling each other instantly what the other’s mental state was. It made your chest ache to know that he couldn’t feel you, that you couldn’t feel him. It made you feel so alone.

But yet, him asking after you like that lit your chest up in familiar warmth and affection. Your being recognizing and longing for his as you’d discovered. It was nice. You didn’t think Dusty would’ve ever asked a question so close to concerned before the bonding, even after he’d always seemed distant even if his soul said otherwise…were you ever going to be able to feel him again? The others?

“Not really.” Dusty stared at you conflicted before letting out a sigh as he sat down next to you. He was thankful you didn’t jolt, still he didn’t know how to go about this. He’d learned a lot from you over the last two years but it had always been his brother to let him know when he’d messed up and how to apologize, how to comfort.

He had to push down the flare of hatred he had at nightmare for holding his ghostly sibling hostage.

Slowly Dusty looked at you and hesitantly touched your back. It hurt to feel how your body stiffened, prepared itself subconsciously for his abuse. It hurt even more at how his LV riled in want for that. He stilled and waited for the tension to go out of you and for his LV to die down before he slid his hand down to encircle your waist.

You had to swallow down your initial fear as he touched you, had to push the thought forward that Dusty would never willingly hurt you as he pulled gently at your waist to bring you closer to him. It was hard though and your body refused in contrast to how your heart and mind wanted to relent. He stopped and you took the second of respite to take a shuddering breath. When he spoke again it was near a whisper, a plea.

“c’mere.” The way your heart throbbed at the request made you screw your eyes shut. This was Dusty and even though he’d messed up countless times in your relationship, had hurt you in ways that forever stained your memories you did love him. And that love gave you the strength to scoot into him, your hand gripping onto his jacket as his body encompassed yours and slid you into his lap.

He simply held you, completely at a loss for what to do next. What would Paps say to do in this moment? He stared off into the pulsing void as he gently rested his cheek against the top of your head. You seemed to like that and nuzzled where he rested against him. He…he hadn’t done this in a long time and didn’t know how you’d take it but decided to give it a try. You always liked when the others did it anyhow.

A slow rumble, deep and cracked from disuse vibrated against you from Dusty’s chest. Your eyes widened. He was purring? In all the time you’d known him the murderer had never done this not even after your bouts of sex and the rare occasions that he held you, not really a cuddle but a hold nonetheless. His was oddly different, shook in a way that it was as if there was two going on side by side.

Dusty heard you make a surprised little noise and then felt as you pressed your ear to his chest. His face lit up in a purple blush that he tried to bury further into your hair as he tried to purr louder for you. He was rewarded with your genuine laughter, the sound like a bell in the silence around the both of you.

How long had it been since he heard you make it? He hadn’t realized it’d been so long that it almost sounded new to him. He’d missed it. All too soon you were silent again and he could tell you were once more looking out into the void. Dusty didn’t like you focusing your attention on it. It spoke volumes about where you were mentally.

Carefully he started humming, and the moment he felt your interest shift he gained confidence.

“When will you leave your cage?” You pulled back in disbelief and looked up to see Dusty staring off into the distance, his skull lightly flushed as he sang. “When will you turn the page?”

You couldn’t stop staring at him as his voice came out not as raw and passionate as Axe’s had but rather dulled and wispy, mellow and smooth. “When will you open the gate?” Your mind was utterly enthralled as he looked down at you, a hand coming up to brush some stray hair from your face gently.

“Ready to fly, ready to fly for me?” He rested his skull against your forehead, his mismatched eyelights locking on your hued orbs as his words came out full of weight and meaning. You couldn’t understand why he hadn’t wanted to sing before, it was beautiful. His hand slid down to your chest just over where your heart and soul rested.

“I can feel it now, you'll make it real somehow.” The simple gesture was enough to convey his words meaning without explanation, and you couldn’t help but smile. His own grin became soft and reciprocated as he pulled you into a full embrace, his words tangling in your hair.

“When will you fight all your hate?” The way he sang it, that line sounded more for him than it did for you. But you knew it was insinuated towards the despair you were feeling, the hopelessness and how weak you thought of yourself. You couldn’t figure a way out for the three of you and it killed the brightness you knew inside of yourself.

The image of Saejun smiling in reassurance as he dusted still burned into your mind, still made you want to weep and beg for him to return. Did…Dusty feel just as bad over that? Guilty over what he was made to do? Both his hands cupped your face and tilted your gaze up to his.

“Ready to fly, ready to fly for me?” It took your breath away to see adoration in his eyelights, regret and…fear? He looked as if he was being careful with you. He brought a hand away and you followed it to see a swirling orb of violent light twirl and form in the palm of his skeletal hand, the light twinging and shaping into a bird that stretched its wings from the pooled purple flames around its feet. You didn’t know the skeletons could make projections!

“When will you learn to fly?” Dusty smiled in amusement as you reached out to touch the solidified magic in his hand, coaxing it to turn its head towards you playfully and chuckling at the awed gasp you let out. If he’d known something so simple would please you he’d have done it long ago.

“When will you touch the sky?” You watched wide eyed as he lowered his hand and lifted it, sending the purple magical bird into liftoff where it buckled for only a moment before rightening itself and curving in an arch to circle around both your heads with a happy chirp.

“When will you kill your sorrow?” Dusty watched as you became invested in the bird even as he continued to sing. The words no longer just for you as he found nostalgia in how you giggled and reached out to prod at the bird that teased a distance between you. He could still smell your freshly made croquettes if he tried, hear the challenge in your voice at his antics, could still fall for you over again as he recalled the first time you’d passionately kissed him.

“The world is yours…” The words pulled at you and you looked over at Dusty whose sockets were lidded in his verbal declaration. “When will you reach the moon?” The bird lifted high, its form standing out against the false moon floating within Nightmare’s void.

“When will you drop the spoon?” The bird went into a freefall and you shot a panicked look over to it before it froze in its decent, it’s body still like a statue as it slowly twirled in place. It became engulfed in flame that slowly receded to show a small dancing figure, the flames remaining as its hair and at its feet like foot prints as it began to dance across the air. “When will you kill your sorrow?”

It was you. That little figure was in the shape of you as it spun and leapt; nothing but happiness in every bend of its arms and lift of its legs. Was that how Dusty saw you? So giddy with freedom and carefree?

He saw the sad understanding in your eyes and brought your gaze back to his with a tender hold of your chin. You weren’t supposed to look so sad and defeated. That wasn’t you, and that wasn’t what he wanted for you either.

“The world is yours.” You were so much stronger than you knew. Dusty could tell you saw the thought in his expression by how your eyes lit up in question. You had been through so much, at the hands of others and by his but yet still you had held your head up high. Had stood your ground against everyone that dared to try and break you. You had even laughed in the king of corruption’s face when he’d tried to convince you no one wanted nor loved you.

You’d shown how much stronger you’d been even compared to Dusty who’d broken under the manic glee of a mere child. You were everything he admired and feared. Saejun wasn’t the only skeleton that would’ve gladly given his soul for you, as tainted and vile as his was.

“When will you reach the stars?” The tiny magic girl jumped up into an arch, her fiery hair curling out into a circle around her that shaped into an inverted heart as Dusty held up his hand for her to land in where she morphed into a glowing and luminous ball of liquid fire that hovered as it shone purple light onto both of your faces. “When will you drop your scars?”

You nuzzled into his free hand as it ran through your locks, his phalanges tangling and smoothing it with each pass as his voice slowly grew lighter. You looked up at him with the strongest pulse of love you’d ever felt for him and reached for the hand holding his magic, the ball vanishing as his fingers laced with yours. “When will you kill your sorrow?”

You cupped his cheek and pulled his forehead to yours, a blush strong enough that it looked as if it was coming from you as well between you. His eyelights then did something you didn’t expect.

They changed.

Your breath caught as the color in them drained and faded out, the red and dark blue you’d grown used to changing to a startling sea shell white as they gazed lovingly at you. If you hadn’t known better you would’ve thought it was Sans looking at you, but his immense size in comparison to the shorter original and his scarred hands that tenderly held you kept his identity firmly in place for you.

“Dusty?” You questioned lowly. He shut his sockets as he softly brushed his nasal ridge to the tip of your nose, the way his grin twitched as if savoring it before opening his sockets again to still white eyelights. For some reason it brought tears to your eyes and you couldn’t stop them too beguiled by the monster in front of you. His tone had gone quiet.

“The world is yours.” Dusty leaned in, his soul at perfect peace as he kissed away the water trying to run down your flushed cheeks. He had forgotten how it’d felt to not have his magic constantly on guard, and he’d never felt safe enough to let it cool as he had now beside you. In a world of pain and suffering where only you two existed. He loved you, so purely and completely.

You flinched as you felt a hot quiver of affection in your chest, emotion that definitely wasn’t yours flooding into you like a wall had come down. You sobbed and pushed what you could through the link, all your love and desperation, all your longing and want as raw as the day you’d discovered it. Dusty’s sharp inhale soothed you and your tears became joyful as you felt the feelings returned to you in earnest.

“yours.” He whispered as he captured your lips with his, magical tears flowing into yours as your kiss turned heated and passionate. Too soon the link between you became muted and numb, but your souls continued to beat in tandem as the kiss continued. Your grip on the other scared to let go, and enduring. He let you break for air and you couldn’t help but let the words out, unable to send what used to be a passing reassurance through your link.

“I love you.” It was the first time you’d ever said it out loud to him that it shocked him. And then he chuckled, one so deep and rich it made your ears burn. Your voice joined his. Little did you know that that was exactly what he had needed to hear.

#undertale #undertale au #UTMV #Sans #Reader #Sans/Reader #Skeletons in heat #SIH #Skeletons In Love #SIL #Dust #My Writing #Skeletons and Timelines

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iantimony · 2 years ago

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tuesday!

listening: like everyone and their mother i listened to the new hozier songs this week. they're fine! i dont have any particularly strong feelings about them either way yet, i think i need to relisten to them a few times for it to really get processed, but they were good enough that i'll certainly listen again. i also went and relistened to wasteland, baby because of it and that album still slaps. also, this cherry wine cover:

is very good. i also relistened to the staves' album dead & born & grown because i realized i have windows facing west hehe. what else...my partner's citypop playlist was my music for driving home from the airport on sunday? i wont link that one i'm not sure if it's public or not. and then gym playlist this week was just one of the spotify-made mixes that kinda slams tbh, very early-00s to 10s metal/emo music lol

i've also gotten back into twilight mirage after a bajillion years. it's good! none of the characters really stick in my head besides tender sky and fourteen fifteen unfortunately but hopefully as i listen more they'll become more distinct entities in my head.

reading: i finished the birthday of the world while i was visiting my grandma for spring break!

"solitude": hmmm. this one was interesting. it left me with a lot of questions but i think that might have been the point. 6/10.

"old music and the slave woman": i think i might have benefited from more background, i was mostly able to piece together the factions but i definitely had to puzzle over it a bit. apparently there are a lot of links to stories in another collection, four ways to forgiveness, and i'm thinking that i might have wanted to read those first. 4/10.

"the birthday of the world": title story! felt very different from all the other stories in the book, probably because this one and the following novella are the only two set outside of the hainish universe. i liked it. no strong feelings in any particular direction, i don't think. 5/10.

"paradises lost": the novella! i LOVED this one. i dont know if i was somehow exposed to it as a kid, or i learned about generation ships as a story concept from somewhere else, but i often thought about writing a short story about what religion on a generation ship would look like and turns out what i was envisioning already exists. the concept of the cult of bliss felt very realistic and almost obvious in hindsight as something that was bound to happen. i know it's left open on purpose but i reallllly want to know what happened to the ship after it left. i really loved the themes of this one. 9/10.

watching: i watched an episode of the mystery show 'vera' with my grandma when i was visiting lol. it was cute! very kitschy, genre fodder! i liked it! i was very confused because the closing quip/shot seemed to be about the titular character...shoplifting a jacket or something???? like she asked her coworker if she looked any different and he was like ? and she was like ok great and the final shot is her sitting in her car seat and annoyedly ripping the tag off her jacket, so like, ???? not sure if that's a Thing that people know just from watching a lot of it but shrug.

making: iiiiii did not work on my knitting project at all LOL but i did make my neocities site! here she is! still very in progress but hey :D

misc: trip to visit grandma/s and family went fine! everyone is doing well. back to the grind this week.

oh so the gift from my SO: he likes metalworking and similar things so he made me this necklace!

it is, apparently, titanium with embedded sapphire ball bearings! the ball bearings glow in the dark after UV exposure and they're the prettiest shade of teal, it's also a very satisfying fidget texture-wise. he asked me a few months ago what my favorite constellation is and i went "......cassiopeia i guess?? why???" "oh no reason" this was the reason. it's very nice i love it so much

finally, ive started noting down my workout stuff on my dreamwidth page as well! i thought it could be cool to keep track of what weights i'm using over time, what exercises i like and don't like, etc. so that's on there tagged as gains. huzzah

#tuesdayposting #Spotify

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writemywaytoyourheart · 4 years ago

Text

Aim For The Heart | Chapter 1: At First Sight

Pairing: hitman!jk x female reader

Genre: E2L, romance, angst, drama

WC: 4.5k

Warnings for this chapter: alcohol consumption, language, stalking kind of? I think that's all lol. Pls let me know if there is anything else I should put.

tag list; @teresaisla @hopekookies @moonchild1 @barbellastyles98 @ggukkieland @mwitsmejk @yukiehyukie

summary; Jeon Jungkook is an infamous hitman, known for his inability to fail at whatever job is thrown his way. At least, up until now. Y/n, a kind-hearted and full of life teacher, is his newest target. Jeon isn't sure who would put a hit on this seemingly innocent girl, but fortunately, that isn't his problem. All he has to do is pull the trigger.

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A bright smile graces your features as you tuck the little star-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches into a tiny container, just barely getting two of them to fit as you squish them down a tad bit in order to get the lid clipped on.

Then you grab a little tangerine and a cheese stick to drop into your lunch bag along with the sandwiches, counting the number of items aloud to yourself as they make themselves at home and then you zip it all up.

"Th-There we go!" You lift your lunch for the day in triumph.

Your phone startles you when it starts to ring, then you grapple in your purse to find it. You pull it out and answer right before the last ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, girl! Are you ready to go? I'm downstairs." The voice of your best friend comes through the phone and you look at the clock on your microwave. You stare at the little black screen, confused as to why the time isn't showing up before remembering that you were never able to figure out how to display the clock when you bought the microwave three years ago. So, you hold your phone out to look at the time.

6:32

"Oh geez! I didn't r-realize the time. I'll be d-down in a minute, k?" You say, earning a lighthearted laugh from the girl on the other end.

"Take your time, hun. I'm not in any rush."

You thank her quickly and hang up, then you run to your room to grab your favorite pink cardigan and throw it on over your white shirt. As you're hurrying out and grabbing your lunch, you stumble and knock your knee into an open lower cabinet that you had forgotten to close the previous night after pulling a pan from it to make dinner.

"Ouch!" You hiss in pain and rub the sore spot, although it does nothing to ease the ache. Then you grab your purse and run outside, almost forgetting to lock the door. But you remember just in time and clumsily lock it before rushing down the stairs leading to the parking lot of your apartment complex.

Your best friend, Mina, is laughing. You can see her through the windshield as she waves to you. Lifting a hand to wave back, you don't realize in time that your arms are full. You drop your lunchbox and have to crouch to get it again, only taking up even more of your time.

But Mina finds it hilarious and tells you so as soon as you slide into the car and fumble with your seatbelt to get it buckled.

"Honestly, ___. I can't believe you're still single. If I wasn't straight as a board, I'd be head over heels for you and all your shenanigans." She states in a matter-of-fact tone as she pulls out of the parking spot.

A blush creeps up your neck and you try to laugh it off, "D-Don't be silly." You whisper, turning your gaze outside to look at the fluffy white clouds decorating the sky beautifully. You smile and lean your forehead against the glass as you imagine lying on a soft cloud, just drifting in the air.

"If you c-could go anywhere at all, where would y-you go?" You ask Mina suddenly, turning to her. Her eyes are focused on the road but she bites her lip in thought at your question. "Mm, probably Italy. What about you?" She's used to your sudden questions and ramblings, so she smiles when you start to go off.

"I'd wanna go up in the c-clouds. I wanna sit on one and maybe even see a r-rainbow up close! I wonder if I could slide down the rainbow..." Your brows furrow in deep thought. "Or would I f-fall?" You turn to her again and she glances over to see your signature puppy dog eyes that you use when you are either confused, upset, or want something.

Mina turns back to the road, a tiny ache in her heart that she hides with a bright smile, "Girl, you would ride that rainbow straight down into a pot of gold!"

"Really?" Your eyes widen and you feel your heart lift at the image.

She nods and you giggle happily, "You can come w-with me, Mina." You say confidently, your gaze turning back to the sky. "We can sleep in the clouds and slide down rainbows for the rest of f-forever."

"Sounds like a deal."

By the time Mina pulls up to the school, you've discussed everything you'd do up in the clouds and what you'd eat when you're hungry (stardust, you've decided, is the best meal anyone could eat.)

You unbuckle and gather your things. Then you remember something and turn back to Mina, "Oh yeah. W-When are you leaving on your business trip?" You ask a tinge of sadness in your voice.

"This weekend," Mina says solemnly. "I'm sorry I won't be able to drive you for a while. I'll be gone for a month this time."

That makes your heart sting but you manage a small smile, "D-Don't worry about me. I can walk! I'm gonna m-miss you though."

"I'll miss you too, buttercup. We'll hang out this Friday night before I leave the next day. How about that?" Mina asks kindly.

You nod enthusiastically and she smiles, "Ok, get your butt in there before you're late! The bell rings in half an hour and you can't be late on a Monday." She urges you and you nod, hopping out of the car and thanking her again for the ride, reassuring her that you'll walk home from work today.

You blow her a kiss and she laughs as you turn and hurry into the school.

You're all set up only a few minutes before the kids are supposed to arrive, so you go onto Pinterest and look through your fairytale boards, feeling a little spark of joy in your chest.

A couple of minutes later, the kids start streaming through the door, greeting you with the same amount of enthusiasm as you greet them. Your kiddos love you so much that all the other teachers are jealous and they let you know it every day. Of course, you have the sweetest kindergarteners and they're always the best for you.

"Hello, Teacher! Good morning Miss ___! Teacher, look at my new haircut!"

"Hi, Jina! Hello M-Minhhyuk! Kun, your new haircut l-looks so good!" All the kids have bright smiles on their faces by the time they've settled in their seats.

You always start the day off by getting everyone to stand and do a few stretches, then you sing the nursery rhymes you learned yesterday and start learning a new one. You honestly have as much fun as the kids during the school day.

"Ok, l-little ducklings, have a seat!" You get their attention and they immediately oblige. Next, is the alphabet that you guys have been working on since the beginning of the year. Every little one sings it perfectly all the way through and you give them a round of applause and they each get a little punch in their reward cards.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly, with only one temper tantrum thrown and that was resolved quickly.

It's nearing the end of the school day and the kids are all playing during their free time. You're sitting with Ae-Cha, a small and fairly quiet girl, playing with colorful blocks; the both of you competing to see who can build the highest tower. You've learned that she responds well to playing games when there isn't too much talking involved.

You're constantly glancing around the room to make sure everyone is safe and playing nicely and you're always pleased. They've all improved so much since the beginning of school back in September. It's June now and they've all learned their alphabet and how to play nicely with their new friends, along with so many other things. They've really made you so proud this year. You can even hear them reciting the alphabet and nursery rhymes to each other as they play.

Your heart warms at the sound of tiny voices filling the room as they sing. Then you glance at the clock and realize the bell will be ringing in a few minutes. So, you declare Ae-Cha the winner with her foot-high tower of blocks and she beams proudly. Then, you get up and clap three times, "One, two, th-three! Eyes on me!" You singsong, then smile when the kids immediately respond by clapping twice and shouting "One, two! Eyes on you!"

"G-Great attention today, everyone! Alright, the bell will ring soon. Who can tell me w-what that means? What are we doing n-now?" A few little hands go up and you point to the little boy that raised his first, "Yes, Joon Woo?"

"We...Uhm...time to clean up toys...Uhm..." You smile to encourage him and he finishes cutely, "Time uh, to clean up our toys and pack bags."

"Yes! Thank you, Joon Woo. It is t-time for us to clean up and make sure our bags are packed up and ready for h-home!"

The kids start to pick up their toys as you put on the cleaning song that you play every day for them. You all sing along until the room is all tidied and their bags are packed with their homework papers.

You always give them little mazes to do for homework to get their little brains to learn to concentrate, along with instructions on what to draw to show the class the next day. Today, their homework is an extremely easy maze, a coloring page with the alphabet and instructions to draw themselves doing their favorite activity. The kids always love drawing pictures and sharing them with the class and it's a good ice breaker for the shy ones at the beginning of the day.

You always have less and easier homework for the kids on Mondays and Fridays, it just seems fair to you that way. You also feel like it's good for kids to express themselves and be able to share what they like and dislike. You've found drawing helps with communication and creativity for the kids in your class.

The sound of the bell ringing makes a few of you jump, then you hurry to the door. "Alright, ducklings! T-Time to line up!" A few of the kids make quacking sounds as they line up, giggling and talking to their friends.

You smile and open up the door, holding it as the kids walk out in a straight line, some of them still quacking like little ducks.

You lead the kids to the front of the school and make sure they get into the correct line for the bus if they take it. You wave goodbye to them as the kids that take the bus climb on and they run to a window to wave back to you.

The rest of the kids that are left are soon picked up by their parents or siblings. You wave to Ae-Cha, the last student to be picked up. She smiles shyly and waves back before hurrying after her big sister.

After that, you go back to your classroom and finish a few things before packing up to go home. As you're leaving your classroom, you run into one of the other teachers coming from his own room.

"Oh, h-hello Mr. B-Baek!" You bow, missing the ugly sneer on his face as you smile brightly at him. He pushes his glasses further up his nose as he scrutinizes you with his beady little eyes. "You don't belong here, Miss ___." He snaps.

You look at him in confusion, "I-I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"I've waited the entire school year to say this to you. But now that we are nearing the end, I think you should know that you have no business being a teacher at this school. You ought to make the right decision to discontinue your work here." Mr. Baek watches your face fall with a sick sense of satisfaction.

"B-But, why?" You ask, still not understanding.

"First of all, you're inexperienced. You just got out of college last year, am I right?"

You nod uncertainly.

"You're still a child. Why should a twenty-two-year-old girl come marching in here and take a spot that should have been given to someone with more experience? And especially someone like you." He glares at you before turning on his heel and walking away briskly.

Someone like me? What does he mean by that?

You watch after him, feeling a tiny pinch in your chest. You aren't sure what he means, but whatever he's talking about, it sounds like he believes you shouldn't have become a teacher at all. At this school or another. You'll have to ask Mina later because you really have no idea where his rant came from.

Is there something wrong with you becoming a teacher?

You shake your head and laugh it off, "He's probably just had a bad day." You tell yourself as you make your way out of the school.

As you walk home, you sing quietly along with the song in your headphones, a little skip to your step.

You never notice the dark figure across the street, his eyes trained on your every move.

One day earlier...

Jungkook groans as he tosses and turns in bed, searching for his phone to turn the alarm off. He finally finds it and hits dismiss, tossing the phone back down and rubbing his eyes with a tired yawn.

After another minute he sits up and looks out the window, frowning at the sun seeping in and pooling across his floor in a golden river. He stares at a small bird that lands on his windowsill until it flies away.

Jungkook yawns again and reaches up to rub his eyes for the second time. After a few minutes, he's finally able to drag himself out of bed and into the shower. He almost falls asleep again in there, but he manages to make it out after half an hour.

With a towel wrapped around his waist, he makes his way to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of soju that's sitting on his tiny dining table to take a small swig from, finishing off what he'd left last night after his third bottle right before he passed out in bed.

He sighs and grabs a bagel, searching for the cream cheese he swears he saw in his fridge last night. A small smile appears on his lips when he finds it. He snatches it and makes sloppy work of spreading it on his bagel before tossing the leftover trash onto his counter and plopping onto the couch, snarfing down the first half of his bagel in thirty seconds.

Jungkook sighs through his nose as he tiredly chews his breakfast, then he glances down and sees the file he'd left open on his coffee table last night. He swallows the bite he has in his mouth and leans forward to read over it.

Y/L/N Y/N...

Why is that name so familiar?

He shakes his head and flips the file closed, then he leans back on the couch, wanting to spend his Sunday relaxing before he has to get to work on this case. He isn't going to think about it again until tonight.

Jungkook settles down and lays his head on the back of the couch, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

He won't think about it.

Jungkook lays there for a minute, then he opens his eyes and lifts his head, glaring at the closed file on the little table.

He grunts in annoyance and drops the other half of his bagel onto the table, grabbing the file angrily and sitting back again. He opens it and starts to reread everything he's read many times since Friday. There's just something that has felt off since he met with Mr. Ling, but he can't put his finger on what it is.

Jungkook squints at the name he's read a thousand times.

Y/L/N...Y/N...

"Ugh." He rolls his eyes, frustrated at not being able to remember where he's heard that name before. Then he looks at the occupation.

Teacher at Sunshine Kindergarten.

His brows furrow again, much like they have each time he's read this. He's never had a hit on a teacher before, let alone a Kindergarten teacher. That's such an odd target...

Most of his targets in the past have been sleazy business owners, rapists, leaders of gangs that have terrorized neighborhoods for years, even other hitmen. He's never had a problem with those jobs, but there's something about this one that's telling him to be careful.

Maybe it's because he knows nothing about his client, except for the large sum of money he must have due to the pay he's been promised. Other clients of his were more than happy to explain why they wanted him to do what he does. They never paid him until after the job was done, either.

That leads Jungkook to believe that this guy (or girl) is desperate for his services, convincing him to do it with payment before and after. Almost as if Jungkook would refuse after he found out who the target was...

Jungkook flips the page and scrutinizes the picture of the target.

She's very simple looking, Jungkook thinks. The girl in the picture is wearing a white flowy skirt with a blue blouse that covers her whole arms and white chunky tennis shoes. Her hair is in a low ponytail and it seems like she has headphones in as she walks down the street. There's a tiny smile on her face as if she's thinking about something that makes her happy.

Jungkook doesn't find her particularly beautiful, but she isn't ugly either. She's just very...

Simple...

Jungkook shakes his head, his eyes going over the photo and the girl's smile one more time. Maybe she's a double agent? Or a part of the mafia disguising herself as a school teacher?

He can't figure it out.

It doesn't matter much though, the job seems simple enough and the pay is more than he's ever gotten. After looking through everything once more, Jungkook closes the file and grabs his bagel, quickly eating it before getting up to get dressed for the day.

That night, Jungkook lays out his outfit for the next day.

It's all black, but not suspicious-looking. After all these years, he's been able to design the perfect outfits to avoid attention being drawn to him and simple enough so that no one would think much of him if he were to catch anyone's attention.

It might seem simple, but he prides himself on being able to get each part of his job perfectly designed for each case he gets.

Heaven knows it's taken him years to accomplish.

After he's gotten that all figured out, he walks over to his closet and pulls out a small safe. Setting it on the bed, he swiftly unlocks it and looks inside. He pulls out a few things, examining each of them before he sets them one by one onto his bed. Once he's got the items all laid out, he steps back to look it all over.

"I should wait to decide..." Jungkook mumbles to himself. After a minute of staring at everything, he nods and gathers it all up, carefully putting it back into the safe and locking it tightly. Then he brings it back to his closet and shoves it into the darkest corner where it lives.

That can wait.

He pulls his phone out and checks the time.

11:45

"Damn it," Jungkook mutters. He had wanted to get some sleep earlier tonight since he would have to be awake early tomorrow.

He changes into some shorts, then he yanks his shirt off and immediately climbs into bed, not even bothering to shower or brush his teeth. He really couldn't care less with how tired he is. And he hasn't even started yet.

His alarm blares at an ungodly hour as Jungkook groans loudly, resisting the temptation to chuck his phone across the room.

"I hate Mondays." He mutters angrily, setting his phone back on the nightstand far from gracefully.

He miserably drags himself out of bed and into the shower, going through his morning motions almost like a robot. His brain isn't fully awake and it's just on autopilot right now.

An hour later, he's just finishing his coffee, his eyes no longer squinting in exhaustion. Jungkook unceremoniously drops his coffee cup into the sink, promising himself he'll clean it up later, then he sighs as he grabs his black boots, walking to the couch to sit and pull them on. After he's done lacing them up, he grabs the file he's been avoiding like the plague since yesterday morning.

He mutters to himself, looking at the name on the page.

"I know that name."

Then he smacks his forehead to get himself to focus again. He stands up and folds the page with the girl's information and then her picture and tucks them into the inside pocket of his black jacket.

Time to get to work.

Jungkook spots the girl almost instantly, the second she steps out of a black car. He glances at the driver, but can only see a person with shoulder length black hair waving. The girl from the picture has a bunch of things in her arms as she blows a kiss to the short-haired driver.

Jungkook has been here since six-thirty in the morning and just as he was beginning to think she called in sick for work, he's finally gotten a chance to see this girl in person. She looks exactly as he remembers from her picture...plain.

She's even wearing the same white skirt and chunky tennis shoes, although this time she has a different top. Her hair is in a high ponytail this time.

"Well, ___. Nice to meet you." Jungkook mutters, watching closely.

After a moment, the black car drives away as the girl scurries into the school, tripping on the last step before straightening herself out again, then disappearing from his sight.

Huh.

Jungkook stares at the door for another minute, then he makes his way to the stores nearby, knowing he's gonna have to wait until the girl leaves. School for the young kids typically gets out at around three-thirty. So, he'll have to be back here around then.

He's definitely going to need to find something to do to kill time.

Jungkook heaves a sigh of relief when he hears the school bell finally ring.

He hurries from the clothes store he was browsing and down the street a block until he's almost across the street from the school. He finds a good spot where he can sift through some newspapers at a little stand and still have an eye on the school.

After a minute, he sees a long line of tiny children coming out from the school. The girl is with them and smiling brightly. Jungkook thinks he can hear some of the kids quacking like ducks. He tries not to look puzzled as he goes back to talking to the person working the paper stand. Jungkook makes small talk with the old man, still keeping an eye on the girl across the street as she waves to each child that leaves.

If she's some mafia boss disguised as a kindergarten teacher, she's one hell of a good actress.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" The old man inquires curiously.

Jungkook laughs softly and shakes his head, "No. I've been so busy with my work I never got the chance to date."

The man nods knowingly. They chat a bit more and Jungkook finds himself trying to balance talking to the man and watching the girl.

"Well, did you want to buy a paper for the day?"

Jungkook turns his gaze back to the old man and nods, "Yes. Two, please. My neighbor would probably enjoy one as well."

The old man laughs and nods, taking the money Jungkook hands him and giving him two papers, "What a kind young man you are. Someday you'll find a lovely young lady, don't you worry, son. You will realize that work is important, but love is even more so."

Jungkook just laughs and thanks the man, then he opens the paper as he slowly starts walking, pretending to read.

He stops at a bench and sits down to wait. The girl went back into the school a few minutes ago, hopefully, she won't be in there long.

Luck seems to be with him today, because, after only about five minutes, Jungkook sees a familiar white skirt flowing as she skips down the steps of the school.

He folds his paper carefully, tucking it into his back pocket. The girl puts little earbuds in and immediately starts to mouth the words of whatever song she's listening to. Jungkook tugs his black baseball cap down a little more as he follows on the other side of the street.

The girl has a bag decorated with cupcakes and cookies that bounces up and down as she dances a little.

What is she, twelve?

Jungkook watches in confusion as the girl stops to pet a dog, giggling when the puppy licks her hand. She straightens up, then after another minute, she seems to get distracted by something else.

Jungkook looks carefully and notices she's picked up a flower that was laying on the ground, seemingly trampled on. She gently holds it in her hands as she continues on her way. It goes on like this for the next fifteen minutes, the girl waving to people and smiling almost the whole way.

By the time she is walking up the steps to her apartment, Jungkook is dying to just get back home. That must have been the longest most annoying walk he's ever taken while tracking someone. The girl had stopped over twenty times, distracted by something else each time, he's sure of it.

Just to be sure, Jungkook lingers around the apartment building a little longer, but when it seems apparent that the girl is going to be staying there, he finally heads home.

Geez, Jungkook thinks in annoyance as he climbs the stairs that lead to his own apartment. His head is spinning with so many questions while he unlocks his door and yanks his boots off with a groan.

But when he plops down onto his bed in his tiny studio apartment, he just stares at the ceiling, his mind suddenly blank apart from one question.

Who in the hell would put a hit on this girl?

a/n: I hope you guys are liking the setup so far, thank you for all the positive reactions from the prologue!

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rollercoasterwords · 3 years ago

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I love the new chapter! Your writing is amazing:)

Do you have any writing tips you use that you’d be willing to pass on?

hi this response is v delayed so the ch is no longer new but thank you!! 💕

i wish i had more/better writing tips but i feel like a lot of my writing process is largely intuitive and isn't coming so much from me like...thinking through "oh x works really well and y doesn't work well" yknow? that being said, there are 2 things i can think of that have sort of been helpful realizations for me over the past year or two (these will probably sound very generic and are most likely things that thousands of other people have already said, but for me personally they were both just driven home recently so bear with me lol)

1 - no writing is bad writing!!

i know this is so cliché but like...i personally am a big perfectionist and sometimes i'll give up on a project if i feel like i can't get it just right, so i think it took me a while to accept the fact that literally everything i've written (including the embarrassing fanfiction from high school and the god-awful self-insert oc stories from middle school) has contributed to getting to the point i'm at now, where i'm pretty confident in my ability as a writer :) writing is a skill just like playing an instrument or learning a language; you have to practice to get better, and any time spent writing is practice and is helping like...build creative muscle or whatever. i have years and years of bad writing squirrelled away on flash drives and old word docs and dusty corners of the internet, and most of it makes me cringe to look back on, but none of the time spent writing shitty stories was time wasted because i had fun doing it and it ultimately helped me improve! so rather than focusing on perfection in writing or worrying about making sure it's good, i think it's honestly more important to just focus on enjoying the process :) which leads me to my second point...

2 - write stories that you want to read!!

again, this might seem obvious and self explanatory, but i feel like especially with social media and influencer culture and the late capitalist hellscape we're all descending into there's this mentality that you need an audience to validate the things you're creating, like art and literature should only exist to be consumed. and i think this mentality is damaging for a lot of reasons, but the one i'll focus on right now is that i think it's incredibly easy to get burnt out when you're creating for other people.

like, ok. i feel like i've had the greatest personal growth with my own writing over the past year and a half, and it started because i was just like "fuck it i want to read the captive prince series from laurent's perspective," and so i wrote it. and part of me was like - oh, this isn't real writing because i'm just rewriting a book series, i'm not coming up with a plot or making up my own characters, etc etc. but the thing is i had tried to write original novels in the past and had always just hit a plateau partway through, so even though part of me was like oh there's no purpose to this, it's not like it's something i'll ever be able to publish--it was just fun! like i was just genuinely having a good time! and it ended up being really good writing practice, because i got to just focus on this in-depth character study + also prove to myself that i could sit down and churn out a book-length work of fiction, even if i was following someone else's plot.

and so then i sort of got out of my own head about like...only ever writing with the ultimate goal of publication in mind, and started focusing more on just writing for fun. and that led to atyd - sirius's pov, which sort of exploded, and then i found myself starting to get bogged down again in focusing on like -- oh, how many people have read this chapter, how many people have commented, what good things are people saying, what bad things are people saying, etc etc. and i started to get in my own head again about the fact that i was rewriting a story, the kind of impostor syndrome mentality of like "well this isn't real writing because it's not 100% original" etc etc etc. and so any time i started worrying about how my writing was being ~consumed by an audience~ i had to like check myself and take a step back and remind myself that at the end of the day, i was writing for me, because it was a story that i wanted to have and to read and while it was amazing and so so special to have so many people invested in the project, it was never really about providing a story for an audience--that was just a happy side effect and not something that i could sustainably centre my writing process around.

and again, even though i was following someone else's plot and building on an already-existing world and characters, sirius's pov helped me grow so much as a writer and also gave me the confidence to feel like i could actually, feasibly write a novel on my own, which is genuinely something that i never knew whether i'd be capable of because i struggled so much in the past. but now i'm essentially writing my own book with this dorlene fic, and i don't think that's something i'd have been capable of a year ago!

anyway, all that is to say -- don't worry about whether your writing is "serious" or publishable or something that will appeal to a broad audience, and try not to measure the worth of your writing based on other people. write a story that you want to read, because the best way to avoid burnout is to make sure that you're having fun writing! like even when i need a break from actually writing my current fic, i'll still find myself thinking about future scenes i want to write + daydreaming + planning it out in my head because it's a story i want to read, and that's what gets me excited to continue writing it! it's really fun to share your writing with an audience and it's so so so amazing to hear that your work resonates with people (seriously, cannot emphasize enough how much i appreciate those of u who send messages like this + leave comments + kudos + all that 💕), but for me the biggest breakthrough i had with my writing was realizing that my most important reader is myself (as cheesy as that is) 🕺 💞

#this got soooo long #basically just turned into me reflecting on my own writing ~journey~ lol #but at this point if ur still following me i feel like essays are expected #ask #thtf #writing tips

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one-boring-person · 4 years ago

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Hi, it's me again lol. I'm not very well, could you do one with Lost Boys, which the reader suffers with depression until one day she is about to try something to end the pain, but the boys find her and stop her plan? Something cute with them talking to her, hugs and they even decide to take her in. If you don't want to because it's too triggering, that's fine, I'll understand. I'm really sorry if it's bothersome, it's just that I needed some comfort with them and you write so well.

Oh no, I hope you feel better after reading this! I'm sorry it's so short!💛❤ and thanks for the compliments!

Why Did You Stop Me?

The Lost Boys x reader

Warnings: SUICIDAL THEMES, mention of death

Masterlist

A/n: this is the closest I will get to writing suicide (for future reference for others)

Wind tears around the four vampires as they race up the road, each thanking whatever God there is that their bodies don't get tired from exertion like this, though they use the same breath to curse them. Normally, they'd be much faster, using the air to get exactly where they need to be, but nature is playing a cruel trick on them today: a storm rages around Santa Carla, the wind and rain far too strong for flying to be of any real use. It does nothing to help the panic sparking through their systems, bodies tense as they push through the whirling haze of rain, eyes wide in terror. None of them, not Paul, not Marko, not Dwayne, not even David, can remember the last time they were as frightened, as helpless as they felt now.

Paul leads, his naturally leaner body moving faster than the others, though Dwayne is right on his tail, Marko and David bringing up the rear, their coats flying out behind them. None of them speak, each too focused on getting up the hill they've ridden up so many times, the stretch feeling longer than it ever has done. The sharp ridge of the bridge up ahead is already in view, the structure so familiar to them, a place they never thought would be used for anything except their own enjoyment.

As they finally crest the top of the hill, a familiar figure comes into view, their silhouette almost invisible through the rainstorm as they stare down at the gaping drop below them. It's heartbreaking for the vampires to see this, the set to the figure's shoulders dejected, slumped and weak, something they've come to notice in past months, though they always tried to curb it. They tried all sorts: nights out on the Boardwalk, movie nights in their home, food dates, motorbike rides, everything. It had looked like it was working, like their efforts were making a change, but it was only tonight that they figured out it made no difference. The note they found at the cave had told them that their efforts were appreciated, but that, though they had tried, it wasn't enough. Not this time.

Their brains had gone blank as they tore from the hotel, forgetting their bikes as they started the long run to the bridge, where they knew she'd be waiting, ready to commit one last act.

Now, as they race out over the edge of the hill, they call out to her, Paul breaking into a sprint as he gets close. She looks over at them, eyes widening as she freezes in place, before she turns back to the drop, moving closer to the edge.

Paul visibly strains to move faster, hair fanning out around his face as he leaps to catch (Y/n), who finally steps off of the edge.

The others skid to a halt, screaming out to her as she starts to plummet to the black depths, hearts dropping in terror, their voices raw with pain and horror, pleading lacing their tones. David, Marko and Dwayne can only watch as Paul throws himself off after her, arms outstretched as he calls out to her, desperation driving him forwards.

For a moment, there is no sound except the howling wind around them, the rain pelting the floor beating out a rhythm they don't pay any attention to, the three vampires frozen in place in terror. Genuine fear is etched into David's expression, his face more open and vulnerable than either Dwayne or Marko can recall it ever being, but then so are theirs. Stock still, they remain where they are, staring out over the empty crack in the ground, every particle within them being used to pray for (Y/n)'s survival and Paul's success. He'd always been a fast flyer, so he definitely stands a good choice of catching her.

Minutes pass, before Paul finally emerges back over the lip of the cliff, a body cradled in his arms. In the dark, the others can tell he's distraught, his eyes wide as he stares down at the girl in his grip, the limp figure curled into his chest. Instantly, the other three leap into the air, fighting the harsh winds as they move to crowd round their friend, anxious to know if (Y/n) is alright.

"She fainted...she's alive." Paul manages out, sounding breathless as he holds (Y/n) closer to him.

Relief floods them all, teary eyes closing as they thank whatever is out there that she's still with them, that she hasn't been taken away from them prematurely.

It's a few hours later that (Y/n) finally comes to again, finding herself confused and disoriented as she wakes in a bed full of four other bodies, each curled around her. The feeling is comforting, but she can't help the small spark of disappointment that flares up within her as she realises she's still alive. Groaning, she leans her head back, surprised when it meets the hard ridge of someone's collarbone. She glances up, eyes widening in surprise as she sees David watching her, his piercing eyes softer than usual. The look instills a sense of security within her, and she glances around her again, taking in the other vampires holding her. Dwayne lies to David's right, his head on her shoulder, whilst Marko uses her stomach as a pillow, Paul lying between her legs, his head on one of her thighs. All of them are watching her, relief written into their features.

"You're awake." Paul murmurs, his warm blue eyes meeting her's.

Tired, she simply nods, somewhat unhappy with that fact. They notice this, and their grips tighten around her. All is silent for a long while, (Y/n) sinking back into the dark thoughts that spring unbidden to mind.

"Why did you stop me?" She finally asks, voice quiet and hoarse.

"Because none of us would be able to live without you, and you were trying to take yourself away far too early. We couldn't let you do that to yourself when you've got a whole life ahead of you." David says, reassuring her with the rhythmic rubbing of his hand over her arm, "We love you too much."

"But why? I'm not happy with who I am, I hate existing, and, apart from you guys, there is nothing left for me to live for!" She argues back, frowning angrily.

"We love you for who you are and we know full well that you have a lot of opportunities that you'll miss out on. We want to help you learn to love yourself as much as we do, we're here for you, (Y/n). We always have been, as long as we've known you." Dwayne interjects, smiling down at me gently.

Rendered speechless by the confession, (Y/n) opens and closes her mouth a few times, trying to figure out an argument in response, before Marko leans up and places a finger over her lips.

"What they're saying is true. We all love you far too much just to let you go so easily. We're gonna fight with you and we're not gonna let you surrender, ever, because you have so much to live for. There are loads of people who care about you, it just seems like there aren't many because the world had a cruel way of making life difficult for us all. You're appreciated, (Y/n), by loads of people." The shorter blonde smiles, "Mostly by us, though.

"Yeah, (Y/n), we need you in our lives. You're so important to us." Paul chips in, watching her.

Again, (Y/n) struggles to find the words she wants, unsure of how to react though her heart has flooded with love and security, chasing off the darkness. She makes a few noncommittal sounds at first, until David interrupts her.

"Come on, we'll talk more about this tomorrow night. Right now, you need to get some sleep." The blonde vampire hums, holding her closer to him as the others cuddle closer, too, pressing their bodies to hers.

"Thank you." (Y/n) murmurs after a little while, relaxing into the vampires' grip, feeling exhaustion starting to take over.

"Of course. We're always here for you." Dwayne purrs back, the boys cradling her until she falls asleep, the four of them unbelievably relieved that they got to her in time.

#the lost boys #joel schumacher #vampire #david(thelostboys)#the lost boys paul #dwayne (the lost boys)#the lost boys marko

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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