#Or Please watch the Gay Media I mentioned in this post and judge for yourself

[captnjacksparrow]

But Kishimoto gave gender to his characters and he created pattern concerning the gender. It would be different if we had some female characters that are similar in dream, motivation and power etc. to the male characters. Look at Attack on titan, we also have gender there but we don’t feel it because the author established this pattern about dreams, motivation, power etc. that I mentioned above but in Naruto we don’t have it. Even Konan or Tsunade they are bland compare to male characters. And of course we have some male characters that are not developed but we don’t look at them because we have so many male characters that are greatly developed but with women we look at them that way because they suffer in not being developed enough and they are made as women, even great female characters such as Tsunade and Konan lack development. Why is that this lack of development concern every women in Naruto while majority of male characters have development and take roles that women wanted to achive. I don’t think Kishi is sexist but I think he keeps this stereotype in his head concerning women and that’s why they are written that way. I don’t know if this is true but in one of his interviews someone said to him that he likes Hinata and Kishi answered sth like you like girls with big boobs. This is really inappropriate. I hate Sakura but when she was hated Kishimoto instead of changing her personality, goals chose to make her more beautiful. If it was like you said then Kishimoto wouldn’t look at gender while creating his characters because he could create an amazing character with development and then he would add gender or even change gender if his claims are true that he can’t write female characters but he chose not to do it because he has a pattern concerning women. I know that you won’t agree with me but this is just my opinion.

Thanks for your opinion. @carmenserenity123456

I am not at all saying, "I disagree with you"..... This isn’t like SNS vs SS/NH argument where I can debunk you with all the valid panels....  Because, this discussion is so complicated and the opinion varies from people to people because the topic is in and of itself is vague.

I would have joined you, if all this criticism were for any other Shonen.

My whole point is....

Your Opinion is just not suited for Naruto, the Series.

That's where I am coming from. You can take this as a Rant and see what I am trying to say rather than me opposing your view or anything.... 

When I complete watching Naruto, there’s not one moment I felt any blatant misogyny under my skin which made me go off the rails.... It’s only after visiting these Social Media platforms, I’ve been seeing these Misogyny claims getting prevalent which always confused me. Because the only Negative feeling I felt after completing this series was... “Why this Sakura and Hinata wants to get inside N and S pants so badly???” That’s all... Other than that, everything was fine with me. 

And initially I too thought that the Author was bad at writing women characters... But after I started to pay real attention to other female characters, I realized that the Author was intentionally mocking Sakura and Hinata... And I’ve explained more than once about why he chose to mock them specifically. Yes, I agree that compared to the other male characters, Women characters lack screen presence and development. But I know the reason why.... And that’s what I am going to explain here....

Why every women in Naruto suffers from lack of development while majority of male characters have development?

LACK OF A MAIN FEMALE CHARACTER

Yes, You can say Sakura was the Heroine of the series because she was in Team 7 and featured in most of the Chapter Posters, Promotional Material and so on. She is a Heroine but only in Name.... The Real Heroine of this series is Sasuke which was acknowledged by Kishimoto and I’ve talked about it extensively in this post... [Link].... And the way he gave all the Tropes of Hinata to Sasuke at every given time, the way he gave Kushina’s tropes to Sasuke, the way he blatantly sexualized Sasuke and made him play a femme fatale by hugging Naruto in Orochimaru Lair and liked Naruto’s kiss in Chapter 27... 

How is it that Sasuke was a given the tropes of 2 women... Not to mention one was Naruto’s mom and another was Naruto’s ‘nonexistent’ wife??? And this even gets more funny when the Author made his Hero from his other Manga to say this to Saori, the Heroine????

“I Like you... You.... Resemble my mother... A little...”

Ummm, Excuse me???

People who realize these facts... will not expect anything from Sakura because she is not the REAL HEROINE... She was just another valuable plot device to promote another Bond. That’s all. 

When a Shonen series which ran for 15 years has a Heroine in all just a name but ended up having no relevance to the story..... general Audience will surely criticize this development... Because they don’t know the real purpose of Sakura’s presence in the story... And that’s understandable... 

If only Sakura had some relevance to the story, then 2 things would have definitely happened... 

1. No one would’ve raised this issue of Misogyny claim or anything... Because they will be happy with whatever development Sakura got from the Author...  

2. It would’ve opened a welcoming door for more women to have some relevance... because if Sakura is relevant to the story, then the women associated with her would also ended up having a lot of relevance... And that brings me to my next point

LACK OF FEMALE CHARACTER ECOSYSTEM

This is such an important aspect in any media to have strong presence of Women Characters.... 

For Example....

This is a picture from Kill Bill movie where the story revolves around the Heroine.... And the people in this picture are the Perpetrators behind the Tragedy that had happened to her.... If you notice, out of 4 people in the picture, 3 were Women.... 

If you look at the Right Corner of this picture, you will see a Chinese Woman who is the Main Antagonist of the First Volume of Kill Bill. Since she is also a Main Character.... We get this Extremely Gratifying power display

She is not a Cartoonish Villain, FYI.... She is the Boss of the Criminal Organization.... And this gave rise to....

2 more women Characters were seen standing behind this Boss Lady.... They are her Loyal Assistants who would do anything for her.... And that leads to...

The Protagonist having an extended fight sequence spanning 5 minutes with this girl.... in a 1.5 hrs movie. 

A Strong Female Protagonist gave rise to another Strong Female Antagonist.... And that gave rise to strong female Assistants who follows her....  And this is what I call as Ecosystem... Pushing more women characters into the Main Menu will lead to opening doors for more women who follows them...

However, When you look at this other Movie....

This is from the Movie called Lord of the Rings (LoTR).... And this movie was all about the struggles and hardships faced by this Fellowship of Men whose only job is to destroy the One Ring... Source of all evil... And it’s very clear that this movie will have no big amount of Relevance for Female Characters.... Because they don’t belong to the fellowship. 

Yes, there are couple of Women characters in this movie who played a role of an Angel, Damsel in Distress, A Warrior (for a very short time).... But no one had any true development as equivalent to the male characters... 

I won’t be calling LoTR as the Misogynistic movie.... It’s just that there is no scope for a Strong Women Characters here... Because the Ecosystem is dry....

And this brings me to Naruto....

These are the only Main Characters of Naruto series...... And they are Boys at that... You can argue as much as you want that Sakura and Kakashi were also main Characters.... but this is the Truth. Kishimoto never gave 2 fucks about Team 7 or anything.... He was all about Naruto and Sasuke.  

The Eco System is absolutely dry here... Not one Female character has been pushed as the Main character and hence it feels like the relevance for Women characters are very less...

You may now ask... Other Animes were also like this... that is, it revolves around a Male Character or two... But still it ended up having Women Characters with reasonable development... And Why didn’t Kishimoto do that here... ???? He could’ve easily made certain Male Characters into Female and developed in the same way.... Why didn’t he do that???? And this question brings me to...

PARALLEL STORY TELLING

I’ve asked myself many times.... as to why he didn’t change the Gender of certain Male Characters and give them to female Characters... That would’ve attracted even more women readers into this Manga.... But only after carefully analyzing it I found this thing....

That is, Kishimoto is an Obsessive Freak for Parallels.... 

In the very First Arc, He made a literal parallel of Haku with Sasuke and Zabuza with Naruto in many ways.... One of the important thing established in this Arc is the Nature of the Bond between Haku and Zabuza is very similar to N and S... 

And then the Author made a literal parallel of Team 7 with Team Sannin.... Each Sannin becomes the respective Master for their students.... Similar to Orochimaru, Sasuke also treaded into the Dark path.... Just like Jiraiya, Naruto stayed in the Straight Path.... Just like Sasuke, Orochimaru also left Konoha to achieve his goal... Just like Jiraiya, Naruto couldn’t able to bring back Sasuke after part 1.... 

I simply can’t see either Jiraiya or Orochimaru were to be gender swapped and teach boys and pass their knowledge... Because their bond somewhat parallels N and S to some extent... 

The Fact that Jiraiya couldn’t able to bring back Orochimaru was because Jiraiya gave up pursuing Orochimaru after some time... and Orochimaru has no ‘special’ feelings for Jiraiya to make an exception for him.... Whereas that’s not the case between N and S... 

This is another parallel between Obito & Naruto.... and Kakashi & Sasuke.... 

What if Naruto treaded into the Dark path???? And What if Sasuke stayed in the Light Path???? That’s the parallel Kishimoto wanted to show between these people... 

Kakashi also lost his mom, dad, his friends, his Sensei... Somewhat very similar to Sasuke..... And yet he could stay in the Light Path without succumbing into Darkness.... 

Whereas Obito also had the same dream & similar personality as Naruto.... And somehow he succumbed into Darkness.... Obito is the Main Villain and Naruto is the Hero... 

Again, I simply can’t see either Obito or Kakashi being women when the Author wanted to show this kind of parallel for N and S.... 

This is one of the most Cleverly designed panel in this Manga which always makes me cry....

What is the similarity between Minato and Itachi, by the way?? Well, there are many... But I’ll attach just one....

Regrettably, Both Minato and Itachi were responsible for Naruto and Sasuke’s loneliness.... And it all started from the Kyuubi Incident....

And the last and obvious one...

I really don’t have to go into anymore detail, Do I???? 

Hashi and Madara bond is a plot device to show what went wrong between them so as to not able to break the Curse.... And how would N and S would break the curse??? What’s the difference between these 2 bonds??? And What are the similarities.... 

I’ve never seen any media where these many insane amount of parallels were drawn just to exaggerate the Bond between 2 people.... 

Haku and Zabuza were drawn to mirror the possible feelings between N and S...

Orochimaru and Jiraiya trained their respective students... How did their pupils turned out in the end??? Since N and S never ended up like J and O, What’s the difference between these 2 bonded pairs????

Team Minato parallels Team 7.... But somehow personalities got switched and ended up in different paths.... Why is that??? Why a person similar to Naruto ended up in such a way??? And How could a person similar to Sasuke ended up staying in the right path???

Hashi and Madara loved each other.... But why couldn’t they break the curse??? What’s the difference between HM and SNS??? 

If only Sasuke or Naruto were to be a Girl... Then all the respective people who parallels them would’ve been changed into Female characters.... For Example, if Sasuke were to be a Girl.... Then Haku (who already dressed up as a Girl), Orochimaru (Gender fluid), Kakashi, Itachi would’ve been changed into Female characters and I wouldn’t be writing this explanation post here.... 

Or If N and S were just friends.... Sakura would’ve been given a great relevance to the story... Which means, Her Family background would’ve been explored and her direct parallel people like Rin and Tsunade, Ino would’ve ended up getting good development.... But Since, Sakura was made into a Laughing Stock of Naruto series, any female characters who were associated with her had suffered the Lack of Development.... Thank the Heavens, Tsunade survived this mess... And Rin was made into a pleasant one... 

Man!!! Kishi used all those bonds to exaggerate N and S whereas he used Tsunade and Rin to mock Sakura.... 

Look at Iruka.... The most important person for Naruto... But he barely appears in the Manga... Other than offering Moral support for Naruto, once in a while, he has no other purpose... 

Look at Orochimaru, The Villain who terrorized Part 1 of the Manga.... was killed off in the early half of the Part 2.... And then he was reduced to a Joke...

Jiraiya has no dreams other than ogling Onsen Bath and write smut novels... And he was killed off to make Naruto understand Sasuke’s pain...

Neji was killed off as a Marriage Broker.... 

So, Even though Neji had his own narrative, somehow Kishi used him to serve the love development of Hinata & Naruto.... So, even Male characters’ purpose revolve around N and S... Unfortunately, that’s how the Author designed this story to be... 

The reason why he resort to such a story telling is to show that... Neither Jiraiya and Orochimaru nor Kakashi and Obito loved each other like N and S... Naruto and Sasuke didn’t turn out like their predecessors because they both love each other strongly... After Madara manipulated Obito, his attitude towards his own team member had changed... But even though Obito manipulated Sasuke, he still couldn’t stop himself from concerning about Naruto.... 

This is called Parallel Story telling and fortunately or unfortunately, The respective people who paralleled N and S were given a very good development, narrative wise.... Whereas other characters were mercilessly abandoned if the plot doesn’t require them...

And this is one of the most important reason.... you feel like Female Characters have less development as compared to their Male counterparts... Because just to show N and S were better than everyone... He created 6 more Male Characters who are very similar to N and S and ended up having a very good development in this story.... 

And that leads to my final point...

NATURE OF THE CHARACTERS

If the Author is pushing just 2 boys as his main characters... Then the only way a woman can have a good development in this kind of story is either she should be the Love Interest for one of the Boys... Or she should be related to Blood with one of the Boys....

Since N and S were established as orphans... There will be no scope for any Female Siblings who possibly could have any influence over these boys... You may argue, Itachi could’ve been written as a female character... But I am Sorry... Same gendered siblings have a different dynamics than the Cross-Gendered siblings.... Sasuke being obsessed about his revenge to Kill His Elder Sister might sound good on paper... But people would end up wiping tears for Itachi, if he were a Girl... And the closeness between same gendered siblings is very stronger as compared to the cross-gendered one...

And that leaves us with A Girl being a Romantic Interest to one of those boys... 

If N and S were just friends... then Hinata and Sakura would have some good amount of influence over the Boys they love earnestly and they ended up having a better development... 

But Since N and S love each other.... And also I’ve told this many times in many of my posts that Hinata and Sakura were just an Useless Gay Shields... Can I simply say, there’s no space or need for any women in this kind of Story??? 

I’ll bring The Untamed as the example, A Certified Gay media... And hilariously, this series also had very few Female Characters... Sorry... Few means... It’s exactly 4.... Out of which 3 were killed off to advance the plot... And One had a very less screen time... Probably 10 mins in total out of a 45 hour Series... 

This is out Main Character’s(MC) Sister..... She had a great influence on our MC... 

And she was killed off... to make our MC go mad....

And this lady had a Decent Development who is a Platonic Friend of our MC.... But she was also killed off... to make out MC take a further Dark Path...

This is another Girl... with whom our MC casually flirts... But she didn’t have that big of a role, tbh... 

Compared to these women Characters.... There were plenty of male characters who were given interesting roles, ambitions and dreams in this series... And it was written by a Woman at that... 

But I’ve never seen anyone had criticized this series as Misogynistic... Or criticized for lack of development for women characters... Because what is the use of having a Strong Woman in this Genre?????

This is the same pattern I saw from this Movie called Broke Back Mountain.... Which portrays about the Love between 2 men...

These are the two male lead characters (Dennis and Jack).... On whom the entire movie revolves around.... They meet... Love sparkles and they get extremely intimate...

Even though Dennis knew that he loves Jack... He still went on to marry this Girl... Because of Societal Norms and he lives in a Homophobic Repressed Society....

Now if I wear a thick FEMINIST LENS and view this movie... This Lead guy (Dennis) looks like a total jerkkk.... Who cheats an innocent girl despite loving another person... In other words, He marries this Girl (Alma) to shield his homosexuality.

Whereas if I remove my Gender Lens... And see this movie without getting biased, then I could thoroughly understand the movie in a better way.

It’s all about perspective, you see.... You can totally expect this Girl to develop her own dreams.... Choose her path and punish this Asshole for using her and screwing up her life... That’s another interesting story to explore....

But Since, this story was all about the love between Dennis and Jack.... Alma’s feelings were mostly ignored. Now can we call the writer of this Movie, a misogynist???? Just because he made his leading man to cheat this innocent woman??? Or to reduce a woman into a mere Gay Shield???

And especially after finding her husband being sexually active with his former Boyfriend... This Girl breaks down completely... Not to mention she has 3 little daughters with him...

Since this Girl is innocent... I could actually empathize with her feelings... Fortunately, She got her Divorce in the later part of the Movie... 

Now imagine Sakura’s face in Alma’s place...

Could you even sympathize with this face?????

Don’t you feel, “Sakura, Deserved this empty life!!!! Geez.... How horny must she be to chase Sasuke who clearly rejected her many times”.....????

If Kishi wrote Sakura in a likeable way.... We would definitely empathize with her and wipe her tears for her... But we will eventually join up in unison and hate Sasuke as this moron who abandoned his wife....

In order to not make that happen... But still keep Sasuke’s feelings for Naruto very intact even after their marriage.... The Author derided Sakura in the worst possible way... like, not knowing whether Sasuke wore Glasses, flaunting Uchiha Crest everywhere, Abusive towards Sarada, etc........ He precisely chose a selfish and insensitive character in Sakura’s place in order to preserve the bond of N and S and at the same time use her as a shield...

Unlike Alma from Broke Back Mountain... Sakura is neither innocent nor sensitive.... So, I don’t care what happens to Sakura.

This is what I meant in my previous post.... “Don’t expect strong women Characters in a Gay Media... Because it’s a world for Men where Women have no role to play and it would be a great injustice to those Strong Characters being wasted for Nothing....”

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I hate Sakura but when she was hated Kishimoto instead of changing her personality, goals chose to make her more beautiful.

Like I said above, her character was nothing but being a Gay Shield and a Third Wheel for N and S... She was written to be hated. Why would he change her goals??? What would that achieve????

Sakura could have been written to have gotten over her crazy obsession with Sasuke. But Boruto disaster was waiting in the alley... She will eventually marry Sasuke... So, realistically she was doomed to have no development... The Author clearly wanted to mock Sakura and Hinata in the war arc... So, that the bond between N and S will never diminish and more visible. 

And Just in case you don’t know, Kishi gave that interview in 2015, that is after finishing the manga.... Plus, Kishi said that he drew her to be pretty on Chapter 66 cover for people to notice. Out of 72 Volumes, what useful & realistic dreams Sakura could have after Volume 66, anyway??? Because Her fate was already sealed on 45th Volume itself, that is during Pain Arc.... If an Author was not willing to give her any development for 95% of the series, what development will he give her for the rest of 5%, anyway???

I don’t know if this is true but in one of his interviews someone said to him that he likes Hinata and Kishi answered sth like you like girls with big boobs. This is really inappropriate.

You may take my answer as a justification or whatever... It’s all about context and when that interview happened....  And that interview you are talking about happened in 2015... Long after the series got over. Kishimoto clearly knew Hinata was a character with no usefulness to the story...

Tell me, if you are an author... And you wrote a successful Manga... with many strong characters... And when you ask a guy, “Who is your favourite character?”... And that person shamelessly tells you, “Hinata” of all people... What would you think??? Provided that she was extremely sexualized by SP in a vulgar way.... I’ll attach that interview excerpt...

“I like the fact that at the beginning she was a weakling, but due to Naruto’s influence she steadily became strong...”

God!!!! I wonder if this person really read the Manga... She never became stronger... She was a joker who was tripping up on the battle field.... Don’t you think Kishimoto don’t know any of this???? Even to my eyes, it’s very clear that this person wanks for Hinata for her big breasts...

If that doesn’t convince you.... Here’s one of the meme from Dudebros...

My Eyes!!!! 

What a vulgar people!!!! Even though I hate her... I can’t even process this meme...

It’s very clear that All of those boys likes Hinata because of her jugs... And Kishimoto was pointing that perverted ass out. I definitely would have been furious if Kishimoto made this remark for any other female characters like Tsunade or Temari... 

One of my guy friend... told he liked Hinata... Much to my disgust, I too asked the same question just like Kishimoto... And My friend became so shy for a moment... Because that’s the truth.��If Kishi’s statement still looks inappropriate... It’s fine. To me, he was just mocking the fans of Hinata who like her for nothing other than whatever she has. 

It would be different if we had some female characters that are similar in dream, motivation and power etc. to the male characters. Look at Attack on titan, we also have gender there but we don’t feel it because the author established this pattern about dreams, motivation, power etc. that I mentioned above but in Naruto we don’t have it.

Sasuke didn’t have a dream and healthy motivation until Chapter 699...

Jiraiya didn’t, Kakashi didn’t...

Neji had a dream but was killed off to play a Marriage Broker...

Whereas Tsunade had a dream and a realistic one at that...

This is her dream... And she fulfilled it... And it still lives on... Added to that, she fulfilled Dan’s dream to become Hokage as well... Since she is not a Main Character, we can only get limited amount of her screen time... 

Not to mention, she is the only woman character to have her own Arc.... And went on to have an interesting Battle with people like Orochimaru and Madara.... I think for a side character.... She did a lot more than Sakura will ever do in her whole life... 

And you said, Attack on Titans had women characters who have dreams, motivations and such... I never watched this series and I am writing this purely from my observation from Naruto fan’s discussion in Tumblr... 

“Set in a world where humanity lives inside cities surrounded by enormous walls due to the Titans, gigantic humanoid creatures who devour humans seemingly without reason, the story centers around Eren Yeager, his childhood friends, Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Arlert, whose lives are changed forever after the appearance of a Colossus Titan brings about the destruction of their home town and the death of Eren's mother. Vowing revenge and to reclaim the world from the Titans, Eren, Mikasa and Armin join the Survey Corps, an elite group of soldiers who fight Titans outside the walls.”

This is the description I see everywhere.... From what I can understand, Eren, Mikasa and Armin were pushed as the Main Characters of this series... Unlike with Naruto, this series has a female character in the Main Menu...

First, AoT and Naruto are not same.... Because Naruto is a Gay Media... Whereas AoT might have Gay characters... I don’t know and I am writing this purely on Fandom’s discussion... But it doesn’t have a Bond like SNS... So, Can I say it’s not a Full on Gay media???? 

Second, If Girls had great dreams and ambitions.... then why am I seeing this kind of views very often???

This is something I saw from one of the Naruto fan blog.... Added to that... this

Excuse me???? 

I can jump off from any mountain and boldly say... No other Characters could ever be as bad as Sakura in any other media.... But somehow Mikasa was always compared to Sakura by a large amount of people...

I know fandom dudebros are shit... They are disgusting and I get it... 

But if Mikasa, the Main Character were written to be really strong with multiple layers, then how come such a divisive opinions arise from the Fandom??? People can criticize Mikasa’s decision in certain Plots and Arcs... That’s totally different... They can claim she is Bad or Evil or what not... But why comparing to Sakura??? 

With Naruto series, I can cite Gayness as the reason and also Sakura was never pushed as the Main Character by the Author... But what reason does AoT author has to not make Mikasa equally strong with her Male Counterparts like Eren and Armin???? 

I don’t understand this Shonen thing... AT ALL... 

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To finish off this post....

This post’s intention is not to change people’s opinion... It’s just my thoughts as to why I feel Kishimoto is not a Misogynistic Monster as the Fandom makes him out to be... Because Naruto Fandom is totally weird and it has a persistent habit of Blaming the Author for everything that they can’t understand... And the sole intention for writing this reply post is to make people see the important Aspects of Story Telling, Author’s motivation and Genre... And then come to a judgement rather than jumping into a quick conclusion without considering any of these... 

This Author is insanely obsessed about the bond between N and S to the point of creating 4 other parallel bonds which failed in certain aspects... He wanted to show that what makes N and S different from any of those other parallel bonds... And if he was this much obsessed about this Bond, then I am pretty sure he would throw any character under the Bus to emphasize SNS... Male and Female alike...

There are so many Misogynistic Tropes in Media like... Gratuitous R*pe, Killing off Main Female Characters to push the narrative of Male Lead, Characters slut shaming another Characters, Romanticizing Abusive relationship like Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey shits... (which were also written by women), Portraying Hinata as this ideal waifu but dissing other Women Characters, Blatant Sexualization where women were just used as a Sex Doll for the Male Character to achieve and there are so many.... Of all the Tropes I’ve mentioned above, Naruto don’t even qualify under one... 

Instead of sexualizing a female character, he ended up sexualizing Sasuke (Sasuke on Sai jutsu...???)... Instead of making a Woman Character as the trophy to achieve for his Male character, he ended up making Sasuke as the trophy which was achieved by Sakura... 

I acknowledge the fact that Women Characters in Naruto may look Lacklustre as compared to other Shonen... But Lacklustre is different from Bad Writing... The Author who wrote Sakura also wrote Saori, Granny Chiyo, Tsunade, Konan, Kushina... Yes, their presence is very less in the story because they are side characters... If he can write these women with a better & strong personality, then I am pretty sure he could’ve did a lot better for Sakura and Hinata too... But he won’t... Not if they come between his favourite boys....

But Will he ever write a woman to have any importance on N and S, in that way??? I don’t think so... He is totally selfish that way... Kishi wants N to be everything for S and S to be everything for N.... Can’t blame his desperation though...

And this is exactly why I am so baffled as to why SNS fans expect strong women characters from Naruto, when you all clearly believe it’s a Gay Media??? Which Gay movie has a best women character, I wonder???

[queeniewritesce]

Recommendations (1/2)

This was written for a @mrs-captain-evans 2,5K followers Writing Challenge. Congratulations on the milestone and here’s for 2,5K more!

I chose “Well, this is awkward…” as my prompt because as I was scrolling through the options the scene that particular scene just jumped at me.

Summary: Twitter is a strange place. But once in a while, you connect with someone.

Word count: 3,564

Warning: mild language, 35 seconds of angst, could be less if you read it fast.

Warning2: there will be a lot of Trump bashing at the beginning of this story. If you’re offended then maybe this isn’t a story you should read.

Author’s Note:  All rules regarding verified accounts and how they behave were taken from Twitter.com.

It all started innocently enough.

Chris had opened Twitter to post a video of Dodger playing with his stuffed lion, knowing his dog was a fan favorite, when Trump decided to give his opinion on a National Geographic article about Global Warming.

GOD, he was a moron. A dumb, squinty-eyed, toupee wearing, orange moron. Chris seethed as he clicked on retweet with comment and called out the man he had the displeasure of calling President.

A few seconds later his notifications started to pop up. He switched tabs to Mentions and Replies where thousands of retweets with GIFs and other memes were pouring in before he filtered the tab so only verified accounts were shown. Mark retweeted his reply, Don wrote a snarky and an awesome comeback, Ellen Page tore the man a new one and an MIT professor he met during a flight home to Boston mentioned him and your account as prime examples of the generation who could make a change. He liked some favorites, retweeted a few others and was about to close the app when a new mention popped up, this time from your account, thanking your mentor and sharing a blurb about being cool because you were now linked to Captain America.

Curiosity got the best of him and Chris clicked on your handle. The header was a picture of Diagon Alley at the Warner Brother’s Harry Potter Tour in London and the picture to the side was of a woman dressed up as a Gryffindor student, wand, scarf and a pointed hat. He noticed you were also a verified account and your small bio read ‘Y/N, 30something.’, ‘You can be anything you aspire to be. I chose to be a nerd’ and ‘Director of Media Studies at MIT’.

That is an interesting combination, he thought while looking through your latest tweets. Chris immediately found your own retweet of the orange moron and he laughed when you called him a dweeb, deeming the man unworthy of being president of your dog’s agility class, much less president of your country. You also quoted him in a series of articles that could be found at the Congress Library website and citing other articles from different countries, asking him to please trade his Rich Richie comics for something an actual president needed to know ‘You know, like Obama’.

You had an incredibly sharp mind for a woman who spent her free time dressing up as a fictional character, he thought before shaking his head when he looked down at his costume. Yeah, better not judge.

Chris spent a good chunk of his downtime between takes that day going through your tweets. Every time his PA called him to block a new scene or to film a close-up, he would carefully lock the phone without closing the app so he wouldn’t have to scroll down again.

Later that day he was back on his trailer resting, they wouldn’t be going home that night till the first Thanos fight scene was over but he was now free of his Captain America clothes and could relax. He took a shower in the small trailer bathroom, put on a loose pair of boxers and picked up his phone again, opening the Twitter app, happy to see it was exactly where he left.

Chris was now looking at your tweets from two years ago. He scrolled down on some retweets, mostly articles about social media and its influence on people, thoughts about the latest Game of Thrones episode, a tweet about watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier again after the results of the presidential election and how it had changed your views of the movie and a trip to London to guest lecture on a seminar in Oxford, with a link to watch your lecture on Youtube.  You’re funny, witty, and after watching your lecture on Book to Movies Adaptions: Bridging the Gap in the Fourth Dimension, he realized he was enthralled not only by your pretty eyes and lush lips but also with your mind.

He saw pictures of your adopted one-eyed blue merle Cardigan Welsh Corgi aptly named Captain Hook which you confessed was rarely used because you liked to call him Hooker, calling his name out loud around Cambridge Square just to get a reaction out of people. He laughed long and hard imagining you walking up and down Tudor Street asking if anyone had seen a one-eyed Hooker prancing around.

He worried his bottom lip for a moment before closing the app and opening up Safari quickly founding what he was looking for on his saved links. A new window opened and Twitter.com was now on his screen but instead of the usual @chrisevans handle, the account belonged to @BostonBrains81.

The Patriots logo stared back at him from the top of the page and a random shot of the crowd in one of the home games stood over a simple bio: Boston. Beer. Patriots.

The account he used to interact with his friends back home, like their baby pictures, sign in to various sites and go even crazier over the Patriots than he normally would on his main.

He looked nervously around his trailer before he searched for your handle, clicking the follow button before he lost his courage.

You are now following @Y/H

Was he really going through with this? His index finger hovered over the reply button on your latest tweet, the one where he was also mentioned.

“Ok Chris, you can do this.”

BostonBrains81 @Y/H you’re a lot cooler than Captain America. Wicked answer to the resident Oompa-Loompa, but I gotta ask, you think he knows how to read?

There, he did it.

_

That had been the first of the many 280 characters conversations you had with each other.

At first, you wondered if he was just a creep that followed you because Professor Travis mentioned you and Chris Evans on the same post; you had gained almost a thousand followers because of that, but they quickly unfollowed you when you didn’t gush about Chris Evans or they realized you didn’t actually know the actor. Not @BostonBrains81 though, he stuck around, commenting on some old articles you shared, liking all the pictures of Hooker you posted and even replied to the one where you shared his name asking if calling out for a Hooker in Cambridge had you stopped for solicitation at any point. You laughed at his joke and decided to follow him back.

The guy, you assumed it was a guy, was incredibly intelligent, always had a smart comeback to your jokes and could make you laugh in less than 100 characters. You shared most of the same views, from politics to music and books, the only point of contention was football. He was probably the biggest Patriots fan you had ever met and you being originally from the west coast was a Seattle Seahawks fan. He told you he had a working buddy who was a huge Seahawks fan as well and they had watched the Superbowl together in Arizona a few years back.

He’d ask you for a new book recommendation every few weeks and confessed his line of work had him waiting around quite a bit. You believed he was a flight attendant because he more than once replied to you from different parts of the country. You wondered if you should let him know the location settings were turned on.

You quickly got into a routine of checking his page to see if he was online that day and a little over two months since you first ‘talked’, you moved on to Direct Messages and conversation become more serious. Thoughts on religion, the #MeToo movement, gay rights, all were candidly discussed and you now actively sought his opinions on some of the subjects you taught your classes.

For a flight attendant, the man had some strong opinions and knew how to keep a conversation going. You chastised yourself for your classism, just because he had a blue-collar job didn’t mean he couldn’t have a sophisticated mind.

Some people are incredibly well educated and never set foot inside a college corridor, you remembered Professor Travis lecturing an advanced Media class you sat as his aide. Take Captain America for an example, I met the young man who portrays the superhero during a recent flight from Atlanta to Boston and I was highly impressed. He could very well be a post-doctorate student here, but he chose to follow his own footsteps to Hollywood and I thank him for it. I quite enjoy the dichotomy he brings to his portrayal of Captain America and Steve Rogers during The Winter Soldier and Civil War. If you haven’t, please watch those movies as we’ll be discussing them in our next class.

Professor Travis had been your theses supervisor and was one of your closest friends, even though he was thirty years your senior. The man had one of the sharpest minds you knew and his classes on Comic Books and the Juxtaposition to Modern Politics was always full, with a waiting list that never got any smaller. You usually sat those classes as his aide and he called on you often to share your views on what the media contributed to the political storm brewing on the horizon and what comic books contributed to that. Captain America had become one of Travis favorite subjects as of late, the whole Hydra and Nazis making a comeback after the last presidential election.

The fact Chris Evans engaged in politics and wasn’t afraid to speak up his mind played a huge part in why you started following him after Professor Travis met the guy. Sure, the man was eye candy to your often-tired eyes but he had a lot to offer than just those huge biceps, that amazing tight ass, and that soft-looking facial hair. You got a kick of his self-deprecating humor and once or twice you had jointed down a few books he mentioned and truly enjoyed them.

It was a really nice coincidence @BostonBrains81 had read them as well.

By the end of summer you were feeling lonely and thinking of asking another professor out. You wanted a male opinion on the idea, preferably one not in the same circle of friends and your best online friend was just the person to ask.

Well, does he make you feel nervous?

No, why would he made me feel nervous? He’s a very nice guy.

See, if you’re not nervous around him that means he doesn’t make you feel anything. If you don’t feel anything for the guy, why waste your time? And a nice guy? God, that’s the worst thing a woman can say about a man. A nice guy is as bad as saying a girl is okay. Is she beautiful? Meh, she’s okay. Does he melt your insides? Meh, he’s a very nice guy.

Seems like you gave this a lot of thought.

I’ve had more girlfriends than… jobs. When I broke up with the last one, I decided to wait for the right woman instead of getting into another destined to fail relationship. There’s no shame in stepping back and deciding you’re worthy of more than just an okay girl.

Or a nice guy.

Exactly.

Being alone is not easy though. We jump from one relationship to the next because we’re already used to the normalcy of having that steady presence in our lives. It doesn’t matter if we know that person isn’t right for us or they might even be prejudicial for us in the long run. The relationship fills a void we don’t like, that feeling there’s something wrong with us because we can’t maintain a partner.

Who let you in my head when I wasn’t looking?

Sorry for getting too deep.

You’re absolutely right though.

Thanks for the talk, no dates with nice guys from now on.

Don’t go for the bad guys either.

Well, that considerably narrows the option pool. Who am I dating then?

How about me?

Good one funny boy.

What’s wrong with me?

Barring the fact that I don’t even know your real name and you could very well be catfishing me, not much.

Catfishing?

You know, trying to make me believe you’re someone you’re not.

.

You there?

Sorry. Yeah, I’m definitely not trying to make you believe I’m anyone but myself. Name’s Chris by the way.

Nice to meet you, Chris, I’m Y/N.

Your conversations with @BostonBrains81, better yet, Chris, were now a daily occurrence and included questions about your daily lives and personal family stuff, Chris had three siblings, the youngest had been adopted and you spent a whole afternoon discussing the effects of adoptions on both the family and the child, you commended his parents for going through the processes and he opened his heart about normalizing the girl when she first came to live with them but now she was his favorite sister and he couldn’t imagine life without Shanna in it. He told you about moving away from home at eighteen to pursue his dream job, you shared how difficult adapting to Boston was at first but how you couldn’t see yourself living anywhere else now. He confided in you his work had him burned out a little and how much he missed home. Since his location had been stationed in Atlanta for the past three weeks, you deduced he worked for Delta Airlines.

Hey, you there? Can we talk?

Sure, I’m just lounging, you good?

I’m still at work, everyone is being a dick today and I’m having a hard time coping, plus I’m tired and a little cranky.

I’m sorry. Coworkers can be a pain in the ass sometimes, no matter what the field. Have you tried the exercises you told me about?

Yes. More than once. They seem to work for a while but then I have to head back in and someone else decides it’s his turn to be a dick. And now the… execs are here and they want to change some of the stuff that’s already done so that means more work and more dick-headed people all around.

When it’s your turn?

Uh?

Well, since everyone is having a bad day, why can’t you lash out? Be a dick too?

It’s never my turn. Chris is always the good guy, Chris is never a diva.

You don’t need to be a diva to demand respect. Demand respect while being respectful, but put your foot down. The old you get more flies with honey. Do you need to be there?

I’m supposedly done for the day.

So go home, take a bath, sleep in clean sheets. I know how hard it is to turn off work, sometimes I stay in my office for hours after I’m my shift, but it’s not healthy. If they truly need you, they know where to find you.

They do yeah.

Go home, Chris. Pass on the shield.

What?

Like Captain America did in the comics. Let someone else do the job.

Oh. Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

I make a lot of sense when I’m drinking wine.

So your advice comes from your inebriated mind?

I’m hardly inebriated. It’s one glass of wine while reading a book in the bathtub. This is my me time.

I’m sorry for interrupting your naked me time. Thanks for the visual though, it’ll help me with my own time when I get home.

Go home, Chris. It’s the wine’s order.

You were now on a territory you swore you’d never slipped into; flirting with a stranger online. You tried to talk yourself out of it, tried to curb this insane idea manifesting inside your head and your heart, you were a scholar for goodness sake, you taught your students to never engage romantically online, therefore, you should know better.

You most certainly didn’t.

I’d like to take you out for coffee sometime, you could show me around MIT.

Maybe. When you get back from Atlanta, let me know.

How do you know I’m in Atlanta?

Your location setting is turned on.

Is it? Damn.

Yeah, I should have told you sooner. Working for Delta Airlines must nice though.

Yeah… I guess. Blue collar job though.

Don’t be like that, you should not be ashamed of what you do for a living. If it makes you happy, it’s all that matters.

You’re right, I’m pretty happy doing what I do. So, coffee?

Sure. I usually get my caffeine fix from ‘Bean there, Doughnut That’ over at Arrow St. It’s always full of students.

Smart girl, going for a place where you can find a friendly face if we don’t get along.

That, and you could be a serial killer, I need witnesses to remember your face. It’s not like I *really* know you.

I look forward to changing that. I’ll be home after Columbus Day. Could we meet then?

Yes, sure. I want to finally put a face to the man I’ve talking for the past four months. It’s a date.

A date uh? I like that. I like that very much. I hope you like my face when you see it, I kinda have an ugly mug.

I’m sure your face is fine. Besides, I already like your personality and that’s the part I always have trouble with.

Checking Twitter had become your new guilty pleasure and you’d close the app with a frown if Chris didn’t post anything every few days, exactly what was happening right now.

He had been offline for a whole week and you missed your usual banter, his witty sense of humor and how he took to calling you Professor Hottie. The Patriots lost the second game of the season and you wanted to gloat a little but most of all you just wanted to know if he was okay.

Biting your lip, you clicked on the direct message button.

Been a while since you’ve been online, did you get lost on the way back from Boston Market?

I see that you turned off your location sharing. Was I being too stalkerish?

I guess you’re busy or maybe you just don’t want to talk to me. I’ll leave you be.

Had you come on too strong? Did you sounded desperate and scared him off? You read your past conversations and nothing sounded too eager on your part, maybe he just wasn’t interested anymore.

Well, that was that.

You sighed and refreshed your home page one last time, checking your latest tweets and was surprised to see a new Tweet from Chris Evans, another Chris who had been MIA lately.

ChrisEvans Officially wrapped on Avengers 4. It was an emotional day, to say the least. Playing this role over the last 8 years has been an honor. To everyone in front of the camera, behind the camera, and in the audience, thank you for the memories! Eternally grateful.

Interacting with celebrities were never really your thing but you would miss Captain America, you were sure they would have to kill him if Evans would not play the iconic soldier anymore, so you took a chance and clicked on reply.

Y/H @chrisevans thanks for making Cap cool again, you made him justice and gave the tired soldier a new and improved multifaceted personality. We’re gonna miss him.

Satisfied with your chosen words you smiled as you hit send. You got a few likes notification right away, some of your students and MIT faculty retweeted your post, Professor Travis included.

ChrisEvans @y/h thank you. Having people like you and @TravisMIT giving Cap your stamp of approval certainly makes me think I did a good job.

Wide eyes blinked back to the screen when you read his response. He not only thanked you but for some reason he held your opinion to a higher standard? How was that possible?

Your mentions exploded with people asking you similar questions and you had to switch to verified account only to stop the barrage of notifications for new tweets coming through.

Your phone beeped with a new direct message and a small glimpse of hope that your Chris was back made you forget about Evans.

Hey, sorry for the disappearance act, work has been crazy lately. You’re definitely not stalkerish, that title actually belongs to yours truly but I’ll tell you more over coffee. Don’t ever think I don’t want to talk to you, our conversations are the highlight of my days. I missed you a lot these past ten days.

You cocked your head side to side while reading the message, twice, three times, trying to understand exactly what was going on. You should be happy, it was exactly what you wanted to read after being ghosted for over a week.

There was only one problem. The DM did not come from @BostonBrains81. It came from @ChrisEvans.

You hovered your mouse over the reply button but your brain was short-circuiting. You started and deleted dozens of replies, none of them conveying what you were feeling well enough. Deceived. Betrayed.

New direct messages appeared one after the other.

               Well, this is awkward…

               I can explain.

               Please talk to me.

               Look, I was stupid for not telling you sooner but doesn’t change how I feel about you. Can we talk? Please?

You’re now blocking @ChrisEvans.

You’re now blocking @BostonBrains81

[fanfeline]

The Danton Case - Complete Notes

More like disjointed amusing moments, but whatever.

Here is a complete post of my notes through all 5 acts of Pryzybyszewska’s Danton Case! I really enjoyed doing this, and I hope you all did as well. Let me know if I should do Thermidor as well....

Act I

Robespierre: Well, this is too much. I look like a gigantic withered cauliflower.

Note: this is his first line in the play.

We’re not going to talk about Eléonore trying to give Maxime a blowjob we’re just not

please don’t make me

please

Eléonore and Robespierre have a really weird relationship in this; he barely tolerates her existence, but keeps being very physical with her and it’s very uncomfortable to read.

“Child, I do not love you anymore - I am literally indifferent to you!”

I don’t even know what to say about Saint-Just in this he’s barely human

Saint-Just [glumly]: Are you delirious? Robespierre: [bursts out laughing, which does not necessarily reassure his friend]

Robespierre has strange names for people

Eléonore is “lioness,” “viper” etc.

Camille is “calf” “wonder child” “talented baby” and a bunch of just…random stuff

Danton and Co. have really weird code names that are never explained

Danton himself is C Three. No idea why.

Louise absolutely despises Danton with her whole heart

[Camille Desmoulins rushes in, very excited]

Again, this is how he enters the play

Danton: Stay. Well, Camille? Have a drink. Well, what have you done now?

Everyone wants to be a dictator and tyrant!! cause that’s how it went.

Act II

Collot: let’s kill Camille!! Robespierre: ...no.

Paraphrased, but barely

Camille: Danton, I will not allow even you to make such jokes. Danton [grips and squeezes him]: What, you won’t allow it?! [squeezes him stronger] You still won’t? Camille [swooning]: Mm-n-mm…oh!

Camille [more softly, clasping his hands nervously] Georges: send me to die. I want to die for you. Danton [gives a friendly laugh] Better write, instead of dying...what use is your corpse to me?

yeah no one actually has any respect for Camille in this play

Vadier [a veritable mimosa as far as his self-love is concerned]

[sparks fly from Danton’s eyes]

he has laser eyes, who knew?

Danton: And you still won’t take your mask off, thought I see through it to every line on your face?! English blood, no doubt….[Robespierre reacts with an Irish look, knowing that it is not worth correcting such remarks]

Robespierre: Oh, yes: I’ve made a fatal mistake. Danton is a source of the plague.

[Camille rushes in, ill-tempered, throws off his cloak and hat, falls on the sofa and assumes a depressed pose.] Lucile: Well…? [when her husband makes a demonstrative gesture] Oh, my spouse! We’ve done something foolish again?!

Robespierre: He [Camille] simply must have his melodrama!

Camille’s sitting in front of him. They’re the only ones in the room.

Robespierre and Camille fight brutally, and to be honest it really hurts to read.

Act III

Actually, both Robespierre and Danton want to be king. Who knew?

Collot [starts to his feet]: Who asked you to interfere, you...underling?! Lindet: Thank you for that honorable title, hangdog. [Collot throws himself at Lindet, restrained by those near him.]

Lindet seems to spend the rest of the CPS meeting ringing a bell and begging people to shut up.

Robespierre: Which of us will go drown out that miracle-making thunderous bass (Danton)? My drawing-room contralto, perhaps? Or Saint-Just’s low-pitched tenor?

Robespierre is very musical in this play, whistling “the entire chromatic scale” in Act I for no reason and then doing this in Act III

[Lindet vehemently rings the bell]

Saint-Just (looking for paper): Nothing doing without the secretary…. [attacks the cabinet, breaks fingernails]

smooth, dumbass. lmao

[Delacroix has the familiar Satanic expression of a fellow conspirator]

Camille [shakes]: Don’t dare mention him (Robespierre)! [leans towards him (Danton) across the table] I’ve spent my life on my knees before the two of you. I’ve worn myself out in your service. And you both knew slyly how to exploit my blindness. From now on I am a free man. I don’t care what happens to me… but I’ve broken with both of you, rotten idols, forever. [turns away]

His newly-declared independence lasts approximately 1 page before he collapses sobbing and pledges his allegiance to Danton again

Again, Danton is uncomfortably physical and abusive with Louise.

She hates him so much… there is no healthy relationship in this play.

ahhhh shit it’s time for the “trial”

Robespierre: I request - the right - to speak!

Most characteristic line yet, if you ask me

Why is Courtois defending Danton? Or does he just hate Robespierre that much?

Act IV

[Camille is standing by the window, crying]

This is roughly the third time this has happened in this play

Philippeaux is just yelling at a very depressed Camille it’s not fun to read Camille: Have pity...and help me, or I shall perish!!! [throws himself on the bed] Philippeaux: You will die in five days, Desmoulins. [Camille goes numb. His crying stops like a switched-off radio]

ngl this made me...very upset

Figure II [stretches out his hand]: Camille, no irony is intended: we thank you in the name of France. [Camille, consoled, returns the embrace and smiles] Philippeaux: Camille - that’s the Comte and Vicomte d’Estaing (royalists). [Camille withdraws, horrified.]

Everyone’s sitting on each other’s beds and it just reads like a massive sleepover for these few lines (ignoring the fact that they’re imprisoned and will be dead in 5 days)

Lucile tries bribing the judges, and is rather disappointed when they don’t take her bribes.

And then Legendre walks in and Lucile is like “you know what? New plan. Hey Legendre you’re a butcher right? Go murder Robespierre!”

Lucile?!?!?!?

[But the essentially gay tone does not change]

That’s a decent summary of Pryzybyszewska

[It is likely that Desmoulins will provoke deadly French laughter deriding both him and his party]

Fouquier-Tinville is already so done with everyone

Robespierre (to Eléonore) [extends one hand to her; he leaves the other on his forehead]: I am sorry. I’m going insane.

Robespierre forgot to eat for like 36 hours and honestly? same

also he’s an authoritarian dictator now i guess

[Robespierre breaks into sonorous, pleasant laughter and disappears]

Act V

[Desmoulins is standing on the table, at which Philippeaux is reading]

This is the stage setup at the beginning of the act. Camille is still Camille.

Danton: Ah, that is exactly the point! Ha, ha! Maxime has done me a very good turn by having systematically concentrated power in his own hands for years: all I need to do now is to take from him… a ready-made dictatorship!

...What?

Camille’s trying desperately to convince Danton to spare Robespierre’s life after all of this he’s still trying to save his friend whyyyyyyyyyyy

[Danton stretches his hand towards the candle] Camille [nervously]: No!!! Georges, please don’t put it out!... Danton [with outstretched hand]: But why? Camille: It’s so horrible here… please leave it, I implore you!

Look, I hate Camille’s infantilization in media as much as the next person, but ahhhh my heart

Camille [after a while, shyly]: Georges….

Danton starts to like...feel himself up and monologue dramatically while everyone else is asleep it’s a real weird page and a half

also he calls Robespierre a “red Irish monkey”

Camille starts screaming and talking in his sleep, begging someone (Robespierre, I wonder?) for forgiveness

Philippeaux: But what did you have against saving that boy - whom, without any reason, you have driven to suicide?... Danton [gives Camille a contemptuous look]: Should I have gratified Robespierre, do you think? For that matter, it will be better for Desmoulins himself to die than to prostitute himself again.

[Depressed silence again. Robespierre slowly places his elbows on the table, and his forehead on his joined hands.]

same

This is roughly the part where Robespierre begins to collapse mentally - continuing well into the next play, “Thermidor”

Fouquier: [bangs the table with a file because Danton is opening his mouth again]

Danton actually manages to turn the whole crowd against the Committee - the mob starts calling for immediate acquittal and protesting the mockery of a trial

Fabre: Thank God it’s the end. I’m barely alive anyway.

Pryzybyszewska makes very clear that the whole trial is corrupted and rigged against the Indulgents

aaaaaand cut their hair, exit stage, we never see them again

Saint-Just and Robespierre have a long conversation about oppression and dictatorship that takes several rapid and interesting turns

Robespierre: Maybe it is madness.

Saint-Just [over his shoulder]: It is not madness, it’s despair. [He turns round. Speaks nonchalantly, but clearly] Shoot yourself. [He stops by the window, aimlessly looking at the yard. Robespierre slowly falls onto the bed, lies down.]

I….what?!?

Antoine, what?????

Robespierre: *lies down for the first time in god knows how long* [He (Barère) rushes into the room. Robespierre, brutally wakened, lifts himself on his shoulder with a slight hiss of fright. In a second he gives the intruder a deadly look which totally puts Barère out of countenance.] Barère: Oh… I’m sorry. May I?… Robespierre [motionless, sits on the bed]: You’re asking that question somewhat late….

[Saint-Just comes in with a helpless shrug of his shoulders]

[Saint-Just watches him with glowing eyes]

[Both gens de la haute main (Robespierre and Saint-Just) look at each other as if mutually hypnotized by their appearance. A long pause of perfect immobility.]

Robespierre [tense all of a sudden. Dead silence in the room.] Do you hear?... Saint-Just [sulking]: What? Robespierre: The crowd is coming back. Saint-Just: Requiescant in pace.

[treehouseart]

With Asexual Awareness Week coming to an end, I decided to post this. I had my doubts if I should or not, but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to share my experience???

Okay, so I’ve heard this a couple of times when I’ve came out to them as asexual and I really needed to get this out of my system. I’ve heard it from my mom and my room mate, and I’m pretty sure other people were thinking it too when I told them. 

“You can’t know if you’re asexual if you’re a virgin”.

First things first: this is straight up STUPID. This is the same argument that goes in “you can’t know if you are gay if you haven’t had sex with a girl”. Yes, you can! You know yourself and your body better than anyone else because YOU ARE INSIDE IT, not whoever is around it.

This also goes the same way as the argument “it’s just a phase, you’ll grow out of it when you try it the first time”. But listen up, and this is gonna sound crazy but... If the thought of doing it for the first time makes you very very nervous to the point you think you might not enjoy it at all... Maybe... Just MAYBE... You shouldn’t do it? I mean... Isn’t sex supposed to be fun? “Ah, but the first time is always horrible”: Wow, that just makes me feel so much better...

So let me get this straight... I should do this the first time and it’s gonna be horrible. Ok, alright. Then, I have to do it again to have it the right way? Even though I didn’t even want the first one because it made me nervous??? Hm... Yeah, that sounds a lot like how people get into smoking... Maybe it’s just me.

Second of all, there’s more than one way to be asexual. Damn, there’s a whole umbrella. Of course you’re not supposed to know every single detail about every possible variable contained on the LGBTQIA+ community (I hope I got all the letters right). So I’ll teach ya a lil’ trick: before you go out and say some stuff you think about stuff you don’t know... Just think... “Do I have all the facts to talk about this? Do I even know what [insert term of gender identity or sexuality] means? Well then, maybe I shouldn’t say anything”.

I myself am a demisexual. That means I don’t feel sexual desire unless it’s with someone I feel a deep emotional connection with. You can take out your shirt and dance in front of me all day and I will be perfectly still, judging your dancing skills. But if we stay up all night discussing Disney theories? I’ll have some pretty wet dreams.

So calling myself asexual does not mean I think sex is gross, yuck, never want to have it. It might mean that for some portion of us, but not all. And even those of us who do feel like this, WE’RE NOT STOPPING Y’ALL FROM SEX CLUB FROM BANGING EACH OTHER TO YOUR HEART’S CONTENT, we’re happy doing our thing.

And what’s that “thing” I talk of? Well, I can’t speak for my whole community, but my thing is - AND GOD FORBID - attempting to be able to develop a relationship with someone without the constant worry that this person just wants sex in the end of the night. I want to go out and have a nice talk without having to worry to shave my legs and intimate parts and armpits and have nice underwear and worrying about what to do if I don’t want it because DAMN IT’S THE FOURTH DATE, THIS PERSON IS A SAINT FOR WAITING!!!!1!

My thing is laying on a couch and watching some weird history channel alien documentary, have a couple of kisses that have no obligation to turn into something else. My thing is having someone whisper in my ear “can I touch you?” instead of making a move that is going to make me want them to leave. My GOSHDARN thing is not being in sex club and having actual bonds with my partners.

What is this sex club I talk about? Well, it’s just the people who are part of the sex way of living, which is very similar to the coffee club in the sense that you’re not satisfied by doing the sex (drinking the coffee), and portraying the sex in media (how many times have you heard “do you want to get some coffee” in series and movies?), and describing the sex in the lunch table (“I had so much coffee this morning”) you also NEED to bring other people people for the club. “Wait, you’re still a virgin?” (“wait, you don’t like coffee?”) “But it’s wonderful for your health, it’s super natural!” (“it keeps me awake during classes, I couldn’t live without it!”) “You’re just scared because you never done it” (“You really should try it”). And then when you say you tried and don’t like it, both clubs will say “you’re probably not doing it right”.

And this is not about shaming the people who enjoy casual sex (or casual coffee) or about me being picky about who I want to give my almighty precious virginity flower to. This is about the sex culture I’m so sick to see in movies, in internet videos, literally EVERYWHERE.

And this sex culture is so toxic. It makes young girls want to grow up faster so they can have boobs and catch the boy’s attention and finally lose their virginity. It makes boys think they have to bang a lot of girls to be accepted -  and having to give yourself pleasure is something shameful because it means you failed to find a partner. This culture makes advertisement pander to sex whenever it needs to sell. Even movies do that! Do I need to mention porn? Do I need to mention leaked sex videos? Do I need to mention REVENGE leaked sex videos? I mean, I could go on and on...

I’ve heard so much about sex my whole life. I feel like I’ve had the whole experience already. I know all the sex jokes, the sex toys, the sex pose book (wait, is sex a fandom?). It’s exhausting, it’s overwhelming, and honestly, it’s OVERDONE. 

Would I like to try it by myself one day? Yes. Do I like feeling pressured because DAMN YOU’RE 19 ARE YOU STILL A VIRGIN? No.

So, kids, what have we learned today? 

1) Don’t impose your beliefs onto people. Don’t try to forcefeed sex to people who clearly prefer to have cake. Also, please don’t forcefeed cake 

2) It’s 100% okay to feel sexual atraction and 100% okay not to feel it. No one can make you do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, no matter how “natural” it is, or how much pressure they try to put on you. You are valid and your feelings and natural impulses are valid. 

3) PEOPLE WORK DIFFERENTLY, don’t assume we’re all the same. 

Thank you, good day

[miraculoustails]

So remember that huge sense8 gush post?  Yea, well here comes another.  Except this one has a different focus.  That post was about how amazing the characters were.  This post is about the impact it’s made on me, and surely so many others

First off, since this show is about people connecting, it’s extremely diverse.  There’s people of all nationalities, genders, and orientations.  Their culture and their cultural problems are brought to light in this show.  

We see a gay man, an actor, trying to make his way through the world

He’s constantly judged and beaten down.  He lived in fear his whole life, hiding behind “girlfriends”.  He constantly denied being gay, even in the moment when it was extremely obvious he WAS gay.  He was terrified.  Then his fears were brought to life.  He was kicked from the agency, he lost his followers and fans, he was scorned and mocked... You see the struggle of trying to be yourself in a world that is judgmental and against you.  You see Lito fight against the hate, stand back up time and time again.  His friends constantly pull him back onto his feet when he can’t anymore.  You find him slowly gaining confidence in himself.  He learns it’s ok to be gay, and he shouldn’t have to live in hiding.  His character is so empowering, showing love trumps hate.  His character and his development can bring hope in the hearts of sense8 fans.  His character can give others courage to be themselves and fight against the world’s hate.  Not to mention, he’s a scared, yet brave, gay person ON AN ACTUAL SHOW.  The show isn’t solely about gay struggles, it’s just shown as a part of his life.  It shows this is who he is, and it empowers others.

Next, we see a man from Kenya.

Capheus inspires those around him.  He’s a literal ray of sunshine.  He yearns for good to be done.  When there’s a water riot, he’s there, picking people back up onto their feet.  His situation shows the struggle of poverty and wealth.  There’s such a sharp contrast constantly made throughout his story.  You can start to imagine what the people in third world countries have to go through every day.  It’s horrible.  Getting clean water is so expensive.  There’s so many horrible ways that business people can cut corners and earn money over useless products.  It shows the injustice, and the constant danger due to the missing justice.  You see Capheus working INCREDIBLY hard just to get his mother the meds she needs.  He’s the justice his home needs. Yet... despite this horrible situation he was brought into by no fault of his own... he’s still happy.  He’s still optimistic, he still believes in people and the world.  He longs for right, he always sees the good.  His character shows viewers how despite any hardships in your life, you can still have hope.  His character shows you can find good almost anywhere, and if you can’t, you can make it.  He gives courage to sense8 fans, showing them they can get through the rough patch, and they can find happiness in it.  He shows there’s always hope and goodness around no matter how horrible the situation.

Then, we have this beautiful woman

Nomi is such an amazing character.  She’s played by an actual trans actress.  Do you know how rare that is???  Most TV shows just hire someone cis to play the character, and don’t write the character well.  But Nomi?  Her whole story just gives me life.  Her struggles and the discrimination are so realistic that it brings me pain and support all at once.  Her parents are accepting of her for the longest time.  They call her by her dead name, taunt her, and mentally abuse her.  They tell her she ruins everything, and sometimes she fears they’re right.  She worries she only screws everything up.  Luckily, her girlfriend is always there to support her.  A gay transwoman.  The representation is just so beautiful.  You’ll be lucky if you get someone that isn’t straight, or someone that isn’t cis, in TV shows.  Nomi however, haha.  She’s neither straight nor cis.  She’s a gay transwoman.  Her sister’s wedding comes along, and we see her struggle with her parents.  We see that look of pure, overwhelming joy when her dad finally accepts her.  We see that hope that parents can change, and they can come to accept you. We see the judgmental stares, all the questions from family friends.  Yet she braves through it all.  She’s so strong and it’s amazing.  It shows the sense8 fans they can be strong enough to fight the discrimination.  It shows all the fans that are trans, that they’re valid and they can get through the hate. You not only see the hate, but you see the trans fetishization.  It’s shown multiple times, and it’s shown that it’s not ok.  Nomi’s just such an amazing character.

And here we have this precious woman

Sun, precious precious sun.  At some points you just want to give her a hug, tell her everything’s gonna be ok, and fight anyone trying to harm her.  But then when she’s defending herself... WHOOO BOY.  She’s this perfect mix of child-like innocence, and destroy-everything-in-her-path strength. Her character shows her as this strong independent women, battling the stereotype that Asian women aren’t able to take care of themselves.  But that isn’t the only side to her, she’s also seen as this happy child.  She loves her dog, and at one point would even go to jail for her family.  She’s just a girl who wants to be happy, and cuddle with her dog all day, but instead she’s thrust into this constant hell.  She always has to watch her back and lay low.  Her brother murdered her father in cold blood.  The brother she tried so hard to raise, and blames herself for how he turned out.  She just wants love, but she’s so so so so strong and she can survive by herself.  She shows that people aren’t just one sided.  Her character shows people have layers, it reveals how injustice can seep in through cracks and destroy lives.  Her character shows you can be strong and weak at the same time, and it’s ok.

And let’s not forget, our amazing friend here

She’s this strong woman who tries so hard to have some sense of normalcy.  She’s in love with someone, but because of the culture where she lives, she pretty much needs to marry Rajan.  She tries and tries to love Rajan and hopes it’ll work out.  She does the best she can, but who can help love.  You see her torn between what she wants and what her life is.  You see this woman who’s supposed to be dainty but is hardcore and wants things she doesn’t believe are good.  Her character is just A+.  Her character shows the struggle of fitting in to her society, yet how she wants to carve her own path.  You see the struggle between her heart and brain.  It shows viewers that society’s one big hellhole that usually doesn’t let you have what you want.  You can fake normalcy, you can fake happiness... but you can’t deny the fact you’re uncomfortable.  It shows viewers they’re not alone in the struggle between what society wants, and what they want.  Who they are, and who society paints them to be.

For the next three, I don’t really have much to say.  Also, i’m making this very late at night and I just wanna post it at this point. But I will mention one aspect involving Will (hah, will Will... get it?? Ok sorry i’ll shut up now).

I’m really glad they added the affect drugs have on you.  They showed how he kept wanting more even after he didn’t need it.  He was so dependent on it, and he was willing to go back to it.  But he didn’t.  He kept fighting the urge to not depend on it.  And it can really give hope to those viewers that have trouble stopping an addiction.

If anyone wants to add anything about Riley, Will, or Wolfgang, please feel free.  I can’t think of anything super influential about them at this moment.  But let me just say, this show gives me so much hope, even when I don’t realize it.  It has so much positivity, diversity, and representation.  I was having a particularly bad day today, and being trans was really taking a toll today. But I turned on this show and just bam.  I felt happy, I felt like I wasn’t alone.  I knew others struggled, like Nomi and Lito, to be accepted by those around them.  I knew people like Sun and Capheus had to fight injustice every day, and they stood tall despite it.  I knew Kala was living in a society where she couldn’t follow her heart, and also where she trapped herself.  I’m heartbroken hearing that it will not get a season 3, because this show is so supportive and amazing.  Not only that, but the story’s constantly action filled and extremely entertaining.  I will definitely miss sense8, but i’m so glad it exists.  I hope one day, media will have this much representation throughout all their shows.  I’m specifically hoping for maybe some more a-spec characters.  And I hope that day comes soon.  Who knows, maybe sense8 can be a starting point to shows not just having characters with one layer and one side gay character.  I’m truly grateful for this show

[thirstyfortom]

Control Ch. 5

Phew, I can’t believe it’s out after all the crack posts from last night, this was so hard to write… anyway, throw me in that angst pit, gurl…this story is taking a whole new turn next week!

Hope you all like this, though!

“And what are C & R’s expectations with this new project, Mr. Han?”

“Well, I found out recently that cats are almost idolized in the internet. If you look at Youtube’s most watched videos of the day, there’s always at least one with a cat. So creating a cat social media, a space when cat lovers and cats can exchange experiences, felt natural and following what’s trending along the virtual space.”

“I see. C & R has been releasing more and more cat projects each month. Is there a special reason for that?”

“No particular reason. I just like to engage the company on fulfilling and entertaining projects.”

“Alright. Now let’s move on to some more personal questions, shall we?” Ugh… we shall not! “How do you see personal relationships in a work environment?”

“I try not to be too strict, since I believe worker’s productivity is not directly correlated with their personal relationships.”

“Interesting. So you believe that’s why RFA has been doing such a great job at hosting fundraisers and parties even with the end of your engagement?” Yes, Jumin knew exactly that’s where this reporter was trying to get.

“RFA isn’t only about me or the guest’ coordinator. It’s a work with a team formed by seven members. My personal relationships or… past personal relationships don’t really influence our work here.”

“And what about C & R? I heard she’s working here as an intern for publicity?”

“Yes, the agency I’m interning at has this project when we’re assigned to work for a few weeks in a real company, with real marketing and publicity campaigns. And C & R should be praised for engaging in this kind of project that allows internships on experiencing the work market at its fullest.” Your voice can finally be heard in the business room you set for the reporter to have an exclusive with C & R’s director.

Jumin doesn’t even look at you, but he knows what you’re trying to do. He wants to believe the reason you’re changing the subject is to do your job as a PR and put C & R in the spotlight rather than some employee’s personal life. Or… maybe you’re trying to avoid being in the spotlight yourself. Either way, you two are on the same side, at least for now.

“Yes, and I would like to talk more about C & R’s projects like this partnership with universities.” He says stoically.

“We can, later on. But right now, why don’t we talk more about personal matters? What do you have to say about rumors about your sexuality rising again after the end of your engagement?”

“I’ve never heard about those rumors.” Yes… he heard. But he cared for them as much as he did before you came along. The only difference was the constant reminder of you in his life.

“Well, there are rumors about you being gay, that’s why it didn’t work.”

“That’s not true.” He doesn’t need to look back to know you took you eyes out of the notes you were writing to pay attention on him. “I…”

“Mr. Han’s sexuality isn’t relevant on C & R’s projects. But since we’re on that topic, you should know C & R is one of the pioneer companies in the country implementing LGBTQ friendly guidelines, such as expanding benefits and health insurance to same gender couples and offering paying internships for transgender people. You can find more about it in an upcoming website we’re preparing.”

“Interesting, but…”

“I think you have enough material for a great story, and your editor will probably agree with me. Tell him MC sends regards.”

“Do you know my boss?”

“He’s a pretty famous editor, isn’t he? I think everybody knows him. Still… don’t forget to send him my regards, okay?” you smile sweetly. Jumin wonders how many fake smiles like this you can give on a day. How many of them were reserved just for him? “Well, your time is up.”

“Can I just have a few more questions?”

“Can he, Mr. Han?” you ask, looking straight at him. The way you address him as Mr. Han gives him an electric shiver.

“I’m afraid not. I have some business matters to go over right now.”

The reporter nods, getting up of his chair. Jumin notices how he quickly glances at you, waiting for you to walk him to the door. Oh… another fool impressed by your true cordiality and fake sweetness. Another idiot expecting too much from a woman who can’t give nothing more than lies and persuasive smiles.

“Why do I think the last part of that interview won’t be published due to some editor’s conflict of interest?” he asks you.

“Because you think too much. You’re thinking when you should be thanking me on saving your ass and bringing C & R to the 21st century with the LGBTQ guidelines. You’re welcome.”

“Is the editor your client, MC?” he asks, getting up and watching as you gather your tablet and notebook, getting ready to head out of the room.

“The list of my clients is a confidential matter that has nothing to do with RFA and this internship. So I see no point in talking about it. Now… can we talk about my performance as a PR so I can fill out this form and send to my boss?”

“I swear I have no idea what your boss was thinking when she assigned you to intern here.” He sighs, rubbing his eyes with his index and thumb.

“Me neither. But since it can’t be helped, we should extend your little promise on acting professional and not getting in the way of my work to this internship too.”

Oh… did you really have to mention that day when you cornered him in that hallway? The images from that day pop in his head, making him feel what he could describe probably as disgust. At himself, mostly. He signs the fill out form quickly and hands to you, catching a glimpse of a soft smile, maybe a true one? How many of these were directed only to him?

“Thank you. Oh, and if you need someone to work on that website I mentioned, I know someone who can help.”

“Luciel?”

“Hum… I was thinking about someone from college, but yeah… I guess you can ask Seven if it suits you.”

“Oh, I bet he suits you much better.” Your eyes lock to him. The same look he gave you after you slapped him in the break up night.

“And by that, you mean…?”

“I saw you two in his car after we… talked during that RFA gathering. It’s none of my business who you choose to lay down with, but…”

What is he talking about? Oh… that night, yeah…

***

“Don’t worry, I mean ride as in a lift… in my car.”

“Yes, I got it. My mind is not that much in the gutter, Seven.”

“Ouch! Okay… so uhm… are you okay?” that’s controversial…

“Yes. Why?”

“Just making sure you understood my reasons on voting for you to stay, even though it was against you will.”

“It’s fine. You just reminded I need to see thing in the bigger picture. Jumin and I are… insignificant comparing to what RFA can do for people. Thank you for stopping me and my selfish actions.”

“Don’t mention it. And you and Jumin aren’t insignificant, but I’m glad you two talked.”

“Well, uhm… to be honest, we didn’t talk much, but I guess you can say we find the common ground.”

“What do you mean, you didn’t talk? You were talking before I got here and right now, weren’t you?”

“Not exactly. We, uhm… had… sex?” yeah, that moment in the bathroom doesn’t really count as sex…

“Oh… oh, okay. Are you… are you okay? I mean… were you okay with…? Did you want or…?” oh god, what is he trying to insinuate.

“Yes, Seven. I… it was very… rough, but he didn’t… force himself on me or anything.” Maybe more on the other way around?

“Good. So I won’t judge, then.”

“Thank you. I know you never do, even when you… found out about…”

“You being a domme? Yeah… won’t judge either, it’s not like I have the most regular job in this group either, right?”

“I guess… thank you, Seven. I… must say I really misjudged you when I showed up in the chat room.”

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t. But don’t worry about that, MC. I’m just trying to make sure everything is bearable for you since none of this is your fault.”

“Well, it is sort of my fault. I shouldn’t have been naïve and trusted that hacker…”

“Ah yeah, the hacker…” he looks away as he is remembering something. “Anyway, can I drive you home?”

“No, thanks. I… I have another place to be at.”

“I see. Have a good day at work, then.” He smiles as he gets inside his car.

***

“I know I don’t owe you any explanation, but I didn’t even get inside his car that night.”

“I don’t really care, MC. You said yourself that there is no pointing on talking about subjects that don’t concern your internship or RFA.” He feels like smirking as he sees your frustrated expression, he really got you right now, didn’t he? “Just make sure you don’t break another RFA member’s heart with your lies and slaps when he founds about your little ‘job’ ” Again, the air quoting…

“Okay, you need to stop doing that. It is my job, not my ‘job’, okay? I paid for my studies with that, I paid for my house with that, I was going to pay for my wedding dress with that!”

“Things I would be more than glad to pay for you.”

“Yeah, take away my financial independence and what’s next, Jumin? Controlling what I can buy? What I can wear? What I can have? Controlling me? Like you were trying to do when you… trapped me?”

“I see we’re still fighting like six months ago and can’t pass through that.”

“Yes, I guess not.”

“Fair enough. Just answer me this, please.”

“Yes?”

“Were you really planning on paying for the dress of our wedding with the filthy money you make out of hurting editors and corporate heirs?”

Unbelievable… he is unbelievable. For months you regretted and thought about what could you have done differently, that slap… the way you basically accusing him of wanting to hold you as hostage or something… right now, you regret everything you did from the beginning… like falling in love with him, in the first place.

Your phone rings, taking you aback. You clear your throat, realizing your voice as almost braking like you were about to cry. Cry for this man you’re no even sure you know anymore, so how everything he says make you feel this heavy pain?

“Seven, hi! Yeah, uhm… yes, I’m about to leave, actually. Really? Okay… I would love a ride, then. Okay, see you in ten minutes.” You gather your stuff. “The dress was the last thing I was buying with that money, I was going to retire from domming after we’d get married. See you tomorrow, Mr. Han.” and you smile as you walk out of the room.

Jumin contemplates the loneliness and silence after you leave. Yes… he was used to being lonely for most of his life, but there is a huge difference in being lonely by his own choice, and being lonely because somebody left him.

You left him. You left him that night, and you left him today, but you couldn’t just snap at him or humiliate him making him almost cum with the simple brushing of your fingers against his pants, no… you had to remark how he hurt you. How hurt you are, just as much as him.

And this was very cruel of you.

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