#Or myself because I'm gonna be tired af in the morning

[n00bcat1234]

3rd post tonight going off on Mind because who needs sleep when you can diss the favorite character of the majority of a fandom

Yeah so in case you couldn't tell I'm not a very big fan of Mind

Mind wears a crown, which, at face value, represents his arrogance. But what if I told you it secretly meant more?

First off, Mind seems to be very interesting in controlling Whole. He eagerly takes control as Heart surrenders it in TME, and even downright says he's gonna control Whole again in Be Born.

We also know he doesn't trust Heart to be in control of Whole, he thinks he'll end up killing him because he sees Heart as an unreliable child.

He thinks he's above both Heart and Soul, represented by the crown. It also represents power. He thinks he deserves power over Whole, he thinks he's the only one good enough to control Whole. But this isn't necessarily new information.

The thing is, it's infuriating to both Heart and Soul. While Soul responds to this with showing him who's really the host, Heart can't do that. He has no way of legitimately showing Mind that he's not better than him. Until he got the gun.

I feel like a lot of people think Heart shot Mind because they got in a heated argument, but it's much deeper than that. It's Heart standing up to the bullshit he had to deal with on a daily basis from Mind.

It's not a big revelation, but I think it's nice to have the story told from this point of view.

[tia-222]

okay so i don't know if this counts as a full success, but i have a void story!

a couple hours ago i was napping because i was tired af from melatonin, and i woke up a couple different times and quickly fell back asleep without thinking. then i woke up again, but this time i was awake long enough to be like "oh yeah i should try to get into the void"

so because i was so tired, it was super easy and quick. i was laying flat on my back and closed my eyes, and i just tried keeping my mind awake. so i repeated "mind awake, body asleep" and i would mentally talk to myself inbetween to stay awake and conscious. LITERALLY IN UNDER 5 MINUTES I STARTED TO FEEL IT. i genuinely and truly felt my body fall asleep and get numb, and the sound of my tv started to fade in and out. i knew exactly what was happening and i was focusing on keeping my body asleep. i was getting really excited because of how the sounds around me kept fading because i knew i was finally getting to the void but then i got a little too happy and accidentally moved 😭

BUT IT WAS SO EASY! AND BC OF THIS EXPERIENCE I KNOW FOR A FACTT THAT I CAN DO IT AGAIN🫶🫶

OMW CONSIDER THIS AS A VOID SUCCESS STORY <3.

You've just experienced what entering the void feels like and I'm super proud of you. Ikr, entering the void state when you're super sleepy kinda helps because your body just wants to sleep, I mean ofc it should but we should use it to our advantage :-). And no, ik everyone's mind is gonna go into overdrive here thinking that they should take " melatonin ", not really. You just need to stay up late or wake up 2 hours before you normally do.

There's a void success story on Reddit that's kinda similar to this, I'm gonna share because I think it will help understand how easy entering the void state through mind awake/ body asleep stage ♡.

" I entered a pure consciousness/ void state last night "

" Hello everyone! So last night I went to sleep actually early and decided I was going to try to do the void method. I haven’t done it in a year or so because before I was trying really hard before to enter the state and it was just a big mental mess lol.

This time I had no expectations, as I knew that was one of the things that always held me back from shifting or even entering deep meditative states like the void state. So before experiencing the void state/ pure consciousness state, I made sure to say: I have no expectations, i would like to experience the pure consciousness/void state” and then got relaxed in bed.

So I went on my side as that was the most comfortable for me. Last time I forced myself to do starfish position and that made things worse. Anyways I kept affirming “ my mind is awake but my body is asleep” repeatedly. Again, I made sure I had no expectations because it makes me anxious to see if I’m in the void state or not. After about a minute or 2 I begin to experience my whole body going numb and disappearing, and the sounds around me immediately being on mute. My head felt heavy and then i remember just hearing just my thoughts and floating and nothing else. It was very peaceful and quiet and I didn’t even think about shifting because of how peaceful it was!.

I didn’t realize how quick I got into that state when I didn’t hold high expectations for myself to enter. But that’s something that I’ve found that truly works for me and takes the pressure off of shifting!. Overall it was a very cool experience. During the early morning I even ended up doing it again just for fun!"

[fuwaprince]

hey. are you okay friend?

No, I'm not and c'est la vie! Sometimes you're okay and sometimes you're not. Thanks for checking in sweet friend 🫂 I hope you're having a beautiful day! 💕

Yesterday I helped Mr. Leonard deep clean his home that we're still trying to save and this morning I unfortunately headed back to the hag house I reside in! He was so nice. Sent me home with half his cookies and told me to share with the people who were kind enough to give me a ride. I didn't even mean to stay over last night but I was just so tired after cleaning... I slept for a whole 10 hours! Kind of a miracle for me. I must've been comfortable

Soon as I got back to the hag house and started to microwave my usual (a single jumbo corn dog), I was rudely interrupted and told by the biggest bitch here that I am no longer a part of the household even though I am living here for the next 30 days still???? They can deny the reality (that I have been part of this house since the day I moved in) and believe in whatever delusion they so badly want to- fine!!! But the sucky part is that they say I can no longer help myself to the food my fucking rent covers because of that decision... Wackadoodle :/ Funny how the carpet slides around. They're literally fattened up by greed. They're willing to starve me down to nothing if it means I'll die faster than I can move out. Whatever it takes to drive me away I guess since the other terror tactics just didn't work! She was giving me attitude and rude comments. Other housemate blasted trans hate (happy pride btw). Got defensive af over their food in their kitchen :/ whatever

Good news is that I reapplied for food stamps after a friend motivated me to. I'm fucking praying that this time my fucked up mother doesn't sabotage it by denying me my fucking mail again like she did last time which resulted in me starving/withering all summer of last year! I should've had it this whole time... Hopefully it gets processed soon. Phone interview will take place once the weekend is over... I hope there's a way to expedite it.

If I had my own PO box then I wouldn't have to depend on my mom actually giving me my mail... I don't have a key and don't live there with her anymore but this mailing address won't work. The people here tamper with my belongings out of hate. Why? Who knows. I try not to think about the whole "what if I was a pure white lesbian instead of a brown trans traitor? Would they respect me then?" rabbit hole. I don't care. Even if I was respectable to them, I wouldn't be their friend based on how they'd treat others. Anyways, yeah. Coming back home sucks. People are mean. My heart rly hurts and keeps acting up. Stings and feels like I'm going to pass out from time to time. It's hurting more than usual and bothering me as I type this

My on and off boyfriend also texted me saying he got hit by a car a few hours ago (he's okay, apparently.... Although I question since he refused to go to a hospital). Stresses my poor heart out to hear that tbh. But yeah. Maybe I'll go on a night walk or something. I hate this house that I'm in. If Mr. Leonard lived any closer I would just walk back there and beg him to let me in. I would feel better if I was out of here and around compassionate people. I'm gonna be okay

[vro0m]

I once had a friend who ended up in the hospital because of how dehydrated she was. She'd been feeling off for a few days and couldn't figure out why, and idk, I think she ended up fainting or something like that and got sent to the hospital and she was dehydrated af.

Anyway. As you know because I've been complaining daily about it I have a nasty cold. I haven't been eating much because I don't have much of an appetite atm. This morning as soon as I managed to pull myself out of bed and get on my feet I noticed three things

I really didn't eat enough, I'm starting to lack potassium. I can tell from the way my chest feel. I need to make myself to eat more today.

I need to up my sodium intake. I can tell from the way my pulse feel. If I can't manage to eat something salty for my first meal I'm gonna need to force a teaspoon of salt in me, at least.

I've been tired but clearly some of that tiredness is from not eating enough and not only from the sickness. I can tell because the sleepiness has a different quality.

And as I'm sitting here discovering that honey+lemon Black tea is not the best thing to wash down a teaspoon of salt with, I'm thinking about the privilege of not having to think about your body to the point of not recognizing that you're dehydrated when your body has been yelling symptoms at you for several days.

I had to pay so much attention to figure myself out I can tell from a whisper if my electrolytes are out of balance.

[accio-victuuri]

As if all the content from ZZ and Web from today is not enough, here comes LRLG @ Rumor House to feed us. 🌙🥮

I did not provide full translations because i’m not allowed to but these are excerpts from the interesting ones + commentary. people were hoping they would post on 9/5, but there were disasters ( earthquake ) going on at the time so we all understood that they were not gonna share. out of respect for what was going on. anyway, let’s look at this fanfic.

“It will be fine after the rain”

"Is it raining tomorrow, look?"

"Send it, don't send it to me"

"Brother X will watch it, I will watch it myself"

"Then look at it now"

"I don't see the weather interface, it seems that there are still meteors"

"It's partly cloudy and there are stars, maybe it's cloudy, I don't know.

"Come back soon, I have to go to work in a few minutes"

"No need to wear your own clothes"

It starts with a full block of little green ( yibo ) talking on the phone. Random sentences that are out of context and overheard. HAHAHAHA! I love how they talk about the weather ~ and no need to wear your own clothes? Ah sure. because these two can totally share 🤍 A BXG said there was a meteor shower the night of Qixi Festival so it might be what Bobo was talking about.

"You're not working tonight, I should get off early"

"I'm a little tired, I'll finish watching the documentary tonight.”

Another block of text by WYB. I wonder what documentary they are both watching! They are so cute!

There is also a part where one Web’s staff tells him “Mr. Xiao doesn’t think you’re rude..” pertaining to when Web tells people what they did wrong. I love this. Because Web is often mistaken to be arrogant/rude when he’s really just straightforward. ZZ understands this. 🤍

After that is like paragraphs of WYB talking to a co-worker or someone and saying goodbye. Telling them to not drink. Also him sharing that he didn’t sleep well. Another proof that whoever this is, should be someone in close contact with Bobo. Most of the past contributions, had lots of interactions that involve Yibo and other people. back in the day, even people from DDU.

👧 : someone picked up today

🔴"Run errands, deliver to your door with 0 errand fees"

🟢"You said you delivered today"

🔴"This is not for you (...) “

🟢"Why don't you sit down?"

🔴"I'm not going to give you”

🟢"Oh it was really hard work"

I LOVE THIS! to have Xiao Zhan do errands for you and deliver stuff? Wow. Only Wang Yibo! And look at ZZ acting all “mad” and Yibo coaxing 😂😂😂 I see there was no change from their 2018 love language of bickering. ✌🏼

After that, WYB is talking to someone and asking them to take GG to eat. That person said they made an appointment already and that made WYB happy. He really spoils GG when it comes to food. I love the idea of him doing these things for GG even if they are not together.

🔴 "Why do you have to change your clothes to eat?"

🟢 “No. I'm wearing the same clothes as you"

👧: Be sure to eat together before your next mission.

I can’t figure this part out, if they were together or eating while doing a video call. There seems to be a mission of them going out — because GG said “going on a mission”. And them wearing the same clothes when in public together! That’s some ninja moves right there! Even fans get confused with them so wearing the same thing is a good cover. so maybe there were physically together. These rumors can get confusing 🙃

There is also a line here where WYB said it's been a long time since the two of them have eaten together. Like it means it's been a long time since it was just two people in the morning. 🥺

See the moon? Full moon, full of love.

This is the last line and it’s so cheesy! HAHAHAHA! I can imagine Yibo saying it tho and GG being charmed af. 🤣

That’s all folks! I will update and link the full english translation once it’s available.

( adding this art from mugui-laoshi’s recent bobi-zhanbi comic! )

[kibbits]

Good morning! I had. A nightmare i think didjdjd

(its fine! im just surprised because i can dream full-on horror movie events like a poltergeist porcelain doll and its really just a dream about trying to write down a phone number! Or that time i was a scientist and the first zombie got created in our lab and it was an ultra fast zombie jumping off the walls and i literally woke up actually saying "No. -fuck that!" djdjdj)

Putting the rest under readmore

Or that time i dreamt i was catching up with my childhood friend who was turned into a body horror, life sized nutcracker - like, human skin stretched over a nutcracker frame - i think i have art of it somewhere fkdnd ANYWAY

A bunch of stuff happened, I was being overworked till midnight multiple days in the dream and i was tired, and then i must've nodded off cause I was dreaming and then this woman started telling me about how she controls the dream/me and I'm at the mercy of her whims or something

And I went 'haha! she doesn't know that I'm the one dreaming! (for the record, in dreams i dont believe im dreaming even when im FLYING 'because I still have to land so clearly im awake')

So i woke up, went to the bathroom, and then I closed the pharmacy cabinet door and like a horror movie my reflection was SO fucked up

i had no face, only my nose and like a deeply, unnaturally shadowed part around the bridge of my nose in a circle? and then i noticed i did have tiny eyes - they were wide fucking open, white iris, pinpoint pupils and looked so fucking intense/supernaturally furious (for some reason thats a common theme for my reflection to have those eyes???? but most of the time i treat it as normal/as if its me and not like its my reflection being seething at me silently)

And i went oh fuck I DIDNT ACTUALLY WAKE UP SHE CONTROLS IT FR IM GONNA DIE and bit my thumb as hard as I could and I actually woke up irl djdjd disoriented af and touched things to make sure i was awake-awake (the texture)

i dont usually wake myself up either! it was interesting!

[ilaiyayaya]

I Am So Mad rn frfr

I hate that my mental health always takes a massive drop around this time of the year. The worst part is like, it's not even like normal seasonal depression, I like fall and winter and like as soon as Christmas is done I'm fine again for the rest of the winter months. But god I fucking can't take having to see my family like once every week or 2 for a full 3 months from the start of October to the end of December because there's always either a holiday or one of their birthday's. At least I narrowly avoided one of the 2 worst days, Thanksgiving, because I had work as an excuse 🎉🎉🎉 unfortunately I don't have work on Christmas and because I avoided them for Thanksgiving I am going to be hearing shit over that on top of the normal things that make me want to die. I am actually at my fucking limit of dealing with these people, the last time I saw them I got extremely close to having a meltdown and fighting my uncle. If I hear a single fucking thing this time about my fucking hair, or my ear-piercing, or my job, or the way I fucking walk, or if one of them say I look like a [REDACTED] because of any of those things I'm gonna fucking lose it. I fucking hate my entire dad's side of my family and I can't fucking escape them in my current situation and yet my mom's side of my family is mostly great and I don't have a problem with a majority of them, unfortunately I haven't been able to talk to any of them in several years and trying to get in contact with any of them would give an easy way for my mother to find me which would potentially put my life in danger so yea that's cool.

At least after Christmas I'll be done with them for a while so just 1 more week and it'll all be over, and as long as I'm out of my father's house by this time next year, which there's no reason why I shouldn't be aside from my own incompetence (which is a really big obstacle, I can't do shit right), I won't have to see any of them ever again. Just 1 more week 1 more week only 1 more I can do it I'll live no more holidays after that I can survive 1 week surely I won't go on a psychotic rampage within that little amount of time.

AND last night someone I haven't talked to in like 6 months randomly messaged me on Discord minutes before I was about to go to sleep wanting to call, and I regrettably said sure. This was like 5 hours before I was supposed to go to work too and the entire like 2 hours he had me trapped in the call I was just desperately trying to find an excuse out (even tho I literally had a very valid excuse of having work the next morning) and of course I did not get a single moment of sleep afterwards because it was too late by the time I got out and was tired af the entire day (I have still not slept since then because I am very smart and take very good care of myself and always get sufficient sleep and I have work again in 6 hours).

The call itself was completely fucking miserable too, there is a reason I haven't talked to this person in 6 months and absolutely should not have agreed to talk but I suck and can't say no to anything ever. Immediately like 1 minute in they start telling me about how they think some girl at a bookstore they go to is flirting with them, which like, on it's own, if it was actually happening, like that's fine, whatever, cool, but then the snowball really starts when he mentions her age as "probably in her early 20s" (he's like, at least 35 (which again, normally I don't care, fine on it's own)), and I blanked out really fucking hard for 90% of that call so I don't even remember everything he said about her after that, but I do remember him progressively changing her age as he kept talking to "probably 20" then "at least 18" and then after that kinda implying but not outright stating that she's possibly not even 18. This entire time I was pretty much not saying a word except like "yea" and "uh-huh" and like other completely meaningless responses, so it just felt like he was having an internal debate with himself over whether he should try to go after this potentially underaged retail worker except instead of it being internal it was out loud, to me. What's fucking worse is the conclusion he came to was that like, he "doesn't really care about how others perceive him at this point" in reference to trying to hit on this probably underage retail worker. I feel really bad for that bookstore clerk she probably literally was just trying to do a job that she has to do and now this creep thinks she's into him. AAAAAAAAAA AND I'M THE FUCKING WORST BECAUSE THE ENTIRE TIME THE MOST I SAID WAS LIKE "yea I probably wouldn't do that, but like it's your life I can't stop you" INSTEAD OF TAKING A HARD STANCE AND JUST SAYING OUTRIGHT TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.

After they finally finished being the biggest creep I have had to talk to in months they just started talking about a bunch of random games they'd been playing, and they got really hung up on Baldur's Gate 3 specifically, they fuckin' hate it. I should preface this part with, I have mentioned to this person once in the past that I am nonbinary and trans and they were kinda weird about it then and I just didn't ever bring it up after that, but they still definitely knew unless they just forgot. So like, idk anything about Baldur's Gate, or D&D as a whole, but I've heard 3 is good, and so when he first brought it up I said "I haven't played it but I have literally only heard good things about it" big mistake, this instantly led to him listing off every issue he had with the game, specifically it's writing, and how much he hates that they added the ability to choose your pronouns because it's a classic fantasy game and pronoun choice doesn't make sense in a D&D-style fantasy world (even though I thought like the entire point of D&D was making your own character whatever the fuck you want it to be). He also really didn't like that you can be in a polyamorous relationship in 3 and brought up an example of like, some character in 2 would never be in a poly relationship, and if you chose them as your partner they would probably kill you if you tried going out with anyone else, but like, that character isn't in 3 as far as I'm aware, and also like, just because it wasn't in 2 doesn't mean they can't add it in 3, actually that was like the crux of most of his points he just really didn't like anything that was even slightly different than Baldur's Gate 2. Also side note but that character he brought up from 2 I do not remember the name of at all and every single time he brought her up he was like "surely you know her, you've definitely seen her there's tons of rule 34 of her" sorry but no I haven't seen the porn of a random character that I didn't even know existed and I don't know why you assume I have. Anyways now I have a reason to play Baldur's Gate 3 and never touch Baldur's Gate 1 or 2 entirely out of spite.

I don't know why the fuck he just randomly wanted to talk to me and have these specific fucking conversations with me of all people but now I've had to spend the last 20 hours thinking about how much that call pissed me off so that's fun. God I fucking wish I had some basic fucking social ability to tell someone to fuck off without worrying about, literally nothing, just completely nebulous anxiety, I had literally no reason not to just leave the call and tell him not to message me again as soon as he started being weird BECAUSE I DON'T ACTUALLY FUCKING GIVE A SHIT HOW SOMEONE WHO IS THAT MUCH OF A PIECE OF SHIT REACTS TO ME TELLING THEM TO SHUT UP WHY THE FUCK AM I LIKE THIS AAAAAAAAA I'M JUST FUCKING BLOCKING HIM NOW LIKE I SHOULD HAVE LAST NIGHT AAAAAAAAA. At least in this case I can just easily block him and be done with it, I'm not friends with anyone he knows anymore and I already hadn't been talking to him but like, ugh.

[lemonflowercat]

75 soft: day 10

[] morning walk/run or yoga x6/w

skipped. when A is off from work somehow my mornings get more chaotic and stressful? it might be something to do with the extra cuddle hours in bed, or having to make breakkie for two. i want to figure out how to make these mornings feel less chaotic.

[x] meditate x at least 15min every afternoon

i'm gonna check this off, not because i meditated but because my therapy session was super intense today and i think that fills my introspection quota for the day. i cried for the first time in a session and it was uncomfortable af, i made sure not to cry too much though - lol, i hate expressing strong emotions around people (except A and N, of course). it was exhausting.

i can never express how grateful i am for therapy. firstly, it's so expensive, and it truly feels like a privilege that i get to do this every week. second, my therapist is an angel. her empathy feels genuine and so...spontaneous, you know? it's surprising honestly, because i always imagined their reactions to be very calculated (with good reason of course). i love the way she teaches theories, i've always loved the intellectualization of emotions. and she's also very efficient and professional, which is something i greatly admire in people.

my biggest learning in therapy is just sitting with emotions. i've come to truly appreciate the meaning of that - it's plain and simple sitting. not fighting it, not rationalising it, not judging it. just watching, almost clinically, the distinct energy patterns moving around inside me. it's crazy how emotions have such a physical manifestation. they're not just a buzz in my head, but things i can feel all over my body if i really pay attention. //forever in awe of the human experience//

[] study 42h/w: 34h 30m to go

skipped because apparently studying never gets done w A around? jk. it was one of those days where a lot of things around the house got done, like grocery-shopping, cleaning and stuff. super busy and tiring but hella productive day. i had a hard time turning of the you-should-be-studying voice in my head, i had to keep reminding her that these are things that need to get done and we should just accept it and go with the flow.

[x] evening wxo x6/w

super sweaty 40m pilates.

[x] [x] [x] 1 raw veggie or a fruit x3 meals

- salad from yesterday. i love how colourful my lunch is

A has diarrhea so i made him a curd rice bowl, served w a dry fruit pickle and a brinjal pickle. this Goan brinjal pickle is my absolute (probably only) favourite pickle ever.

i actually ate a lot of curd today hehe. it's gotten pretty hot and after my wxo especially, my brain was literally craving a bowl of curd. it's so cooling + probiotic benefits, oof! think this is an aspect of food that i forgot to mention earlier in my vision board post - food is medicine. in my every day life it's easy to forget how much of an impact it has on my body. this is another thing that pushes me to making better food choices - this is something i give myself every.fkn.day. imagine the power it holds over my health! i also want to incorporate more of this aspect in my cooking - it's not just about what tastes good, but also the little things like raw fibrous veggies for better gut health, a pinch of hing in my dal to counter lentil-bloat, pepper and ginger to max my digestive juices, mint for cooling down my tummy. cooking with these things in mind makes me feel very witch-y hahaha and i absolutely love it!

- ok not entirely raw, but minimally cooked - the radish tops from yesterday's farm bounty! i had to cook them because they're super fibrous - sauteed with some garlic and nigella seeds. they have the same radish-like pungency. not super delicious (i'm not the biggest fan of radish), but v healthy :3

- went to pickup groceries today and discovered cherries are in season (':

[x] 1400cal x6/week

this makes me very happy!

[x] progress picture/day x6/w

[x] 2.5L of water/day

[x] brush before bed

[x] no media consumption (one movie/d allowed) - for freezes and PMS days

A made me watch a Mr. Beast video on YT ahahahaha. yep, i get why this guy is a big deal but i couldn't help but be lowkey disgusted by the entertainment industry.

[crescendeyes]

high highs and low lows

Starting off the Friday with a little bit more energy than before. I realise last night my energy was at an all time low. I woke up cleaning the house and doing basically all I can to keep this house clean and nice. I ended up feeling extremely tired after cleaning the toilet, the kitchen, the floors and doing the laundry. Overkill, I know.

After that whole fiasco and not really doing any work, I realise I was so bored out of mind and got high on edibles, ate so much crap and did fuck all for the benefit of my body. I know this cause I felt like Wednesday I came out of an all time high and had an amazing day, maybe the dopamine depleted and all I was left was this brooding sense of loneliness with no one to share those achievements with.

I was at an all time low. I woke up this morning to a Friday wondering what its like yesterday and why did I put myself through all of that? I woke up feeling more motivated, more positive, more energy in fact. I told myself I have tons to do today and I wanna be productive as much as possible.

The person I was yesterday couldn't even bring myself to journal. Living alone isn't hard but I can now see the patterns of someone who does. I found out that I, myself am such a lazy person but works very smart. However, being such a lazy person can be the bane of my existence while I'm living here. It really is such a struggle and alot of effort to maintain a place you really care about.

On top of that, while I was high af last night, Abner texted me this loooonggggg ass fucking confession (for the fourth time) and no matter how many times I reject the dude, he just wont get the hint. So in the end, I told him his behaviour was creeping me out and I have a boyfriend. I was too nice to him before but i guess I needed to be firm.

If this fourth rejection with the boyfriend story doesn't work on him IDK what to do anymore. Anyway, here's his 4th confession (don't take any of what he says seriously, cause his really blew everything out of proportion):

"Before I go on though, I’ll say this once more. I will never put you in an uncomfortable position. I’m not saying all these things to put any sort of pressure on you. I’m saying it because it’s true and it’s just how I feel about you. How ever it is that you respond to all this, I will accept it and I’ll be alright with it.

I suppose you have your reasons as to why you’ve been silent with me. I’d really like to hear from you if it’s alright with you. But if you don’t mind I’d really like you to hear me out.

You know what’s so funny about all of this? Is that even if you’re gonna tell me the same thing that you’ve been telling me, I’d actually be alright with it. Because I’ve come to realise that that’s how much you mean to me. And I can’t help feel the way I do about you Amanda.

The thing is that I’ve actually been wanting to ask you out for awhile now. But for reasons beyond my control, things just started to happen and I never truly got the chance or find the right moment to ask you out.

I’ve been constantly thinking about you Amanda. Not just for the past 3 weeks. But from the very night that we hung out. It scares me a lot. To know how much I’m willing to care for you. But knowing who you are now, I find comfort in knowing that you’re someone who’s worth all that and more.

When you told me that you needed some time alone, and understandably so, I took that literally. That’s why I didn’t text you or anything through out that time. I was actually waiting to hear from you back. I really don’t know what’s been going on with you but I’d really like to. Not hearing anything from you has been difficult for me. I thought of texting you on Valentine’s Day. I even thought of texting you on the 17th to commemorate your first text to me 4 years ago. But I refrained from it because I didn’t want you to think that I’m just scoring points with you. Maybe it’s just me being stupid. And then my birthday came and went and I didn’t hear anything from you. That’s why I decided to call you to check on how you’re doing.

I’m terribly sorry for causing you pain in the past. I know that I’m not perfect. And I know that even you can tell that I tend to say things impulsively from time to time. Adhd. I’m still working on that. But I hope you know that I’ve only ever meant well. I still do regret what I did to you with what you shared with me.

I’ve always figured that I’ll find the right moment to tell you how I feel about you. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance to tell you how I really truly feel about you Amanda. So I guess I’ll just say it now.

I’m truly deeply in love with you Amanda. I really am. You’ve always been constantly on my mind and in my heart. You really do mean a lot to me. I know I have a strange way of showing it, but it’s just my nature. It’s part of who I am. And even though I’m saying all of this to you knowing that you won’t be able to reciprocate it back, I just want to let you know how I truly feel about you.

You’re a beautiful person Amanda. And I don’t just mean that in a physical manner, cause you really are beautiful. I mean that there’s beauty in your heart. And I’m so fortunate to have the opportunity to get to know that. You have a demeanour about you that makes the world seem brighter. And I truly do love how you care about the world around you. I’ve noticed that from the moment that we met. And I’ll never ever forget what you shared with me. That’s something that is sacred to me now.

If it pleases you, would you allow me to take you out on a date with me Amanda?"

I can't take this anymore. I literally tried to be gentle with him knowing he was mentally unstable. OH THANK FUCK he doesn't have my home and house address, he doesn't know where I live because that would give me the worst anxiety ever.

Anyway, I told myself that today I will finally explore my gym. Hopefully its great. I am also an asthma queen now btw, forgot to mention this. WTF.

[buildabruxa]

day 2

Hello, void.

Tumblr is so much different than it was in like, 2011. Like I still have my main tumblr around here somewhere, and I know a lot of my friends are still on this site, but I want to be able to chronicle everything without writing for an audience. Screaming into the void has always been the great thing about tumblr, but making this blog I see how much things have changed. Fuck you, Yahoo.

(Wait, Yahoo still owns tumblr, right?)

Anyway. It's 9:53 am and this is what my morning has looked like so far. I took my Adderall at 5:20 this morning again when Kraken got up, then slept a little more and got myself up at 7 (again, still, SO EASY?!). Sleeping last night was a little difficult - I'm from a desert city, so it's in my blood not to consume too much water. Like a cactus. Plus, I found out I may have esophageal dysphagia (you mean it isn't normal to need liquids for food, and most people don't choke on thick foods?!) and I've always hated swallowing (shhh). I hold liquids in my mouth for a stupid long time. But yesterday I was SO THIRSTY. I always wondered how and why Kraken drank so much water. NOW I KNOW. Plus, I stopped taking the oxybutinin because it was causing bloating and making my eyes dry, which is hell with aging eyes and contacts. So I had to get up to pee last night three. Separate. Times. I did not rest well. And my night twitches got way worse, like my body was powering down from the Adderall. So I let myself sleep until 7, got up, and then

-tried to wake up Naruto, asked if he wanted eggs

-made us tea and him eggs

-went down to switch laundry, realize I didn't run the dryer, run dryer

-tried to wake up Naruto about 6 times between 7:20 and 7:50 (did he eat his eggs? fuck no. After complaining to the psychiatrist that I don't feed him. Sir, you are 15, and you haven't eaten the breakfast I've made you before summer school AT LEAST four times. I do not work, thanks to you attacking Kraken and me needing to take off time to get your mental health sorted, therefore making me lose my job. I can't keep wasting food like this. Ass.)

-Inflated Naruto's tire for school, which didn't need inflating, but he insists it does. He just is huge and I have to check the weight limit on his bike to see if he needs a bigger one. (220 lbs and 5'9" at 15, holy shit. I'm 5'3 and his father is like 5'6". I have no idea where this came from.)

-ran more laundry

-took out Courage, dusted the leather couch in the garage

-watered plants, refilled makeshift birdbaths

-contacted lawyer re: OVI

-reached out to friends to reform our stitch-n-bitch group

-reached out to Viking to tell him I love him, even though we don't talk much anymore

-reached out to friends to plan a dinner for friend who is moving

-did wordle, framed, heardle, Animal Restaurant, and nyt mini

-did more dishes (a fucking Sisyphean effort, but I find I don't mind dishes as much now?)

-folded a bunch of laundry

I have a whole list of shit I need to do but this blog isn't for tracking that, just for seeing what the changes in my life are like. One thing I'm noticing is that I can pick up something and put it back down without my brain going "no no, need to do this this and this and then finish and THEN do that thing" and then hating itself for not knowing where to start/finish.

Also, food tastes bomb af but I don't wanna eat anything past a few bites. I eat for fun, so this is ... disappointing. I also had to quit weed because they're gonna drug test me to make sure I'm not on anything illicit and that I'm taking my meds and not selling them. PLUS I have to figure out drinking again since now I'm on Prozac AND Adderall and it's risky to drink. So I have an asshole 15yo who smokes and vapes and won't fucking quit, and I can't have SHIT for vices to deal.

Other than that? I feel pretty good. Now that my brain isn't bogged down with all the stress of shit executive dysfunction, I can think about things more clearly and enjoy more things.

[violetganache42]

Current mood: various exhausted Sonic panels from IDW Sonic #20

[stimmy-chloe]

THIS IS THE THIRD DAY IN A ROW I’VE BEEN ABLE TO SAY A WORD I CAN SAY “whoa” I HAVE A WORD BACK AFTER BEING NONVERBAL AND ONLY ABLE TO MAKE SOUNDS SINCE THE END OF JULY I HAVE A WORD BACK THIS IS NOT A DRILL I HAVE A WORD BACK MY VERBAL ABILITY IS BEGINNING TO COME BACK THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL FOLKS

[galadriiel]

there is a very fine line between "alright i'm pretty exhausted and i'm way past caring about anything so i might as well use this time to email back someone i've been ignoring for weeks seeing as i'm not riddled with anxiety for once" and "i'm actually high on exhaustion and spouting bullshit and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near my phone" and i toe it almost every night but i only ever know whether i crossed it the next morning when i face the consequences of my actions

[iscariot-rising]

tfw you almost had a breakdown over having forgotten to water your plants 😔✌️

[sunlightocean]

Cardcaptor Mirabel - Prologue

Author's Note : FIRST CHAPTER OF THE SERIES THATS GONNA BE LONG AF. Why did I decide to make myself suffer, idk. I just had to do this. Please don't let this flop.

Mirabel laid in her bed, her eyes dull and her face still. She was exhausted from earlier. Not physically, but rather emotionally.

The villagers had once again ignored her, rather wanting help from her family, whom had gifts bestowed upon them. She was put down again, but she never let it show. She opted to smile, saying it was fine and she understood. Just like she was.

She was fine. She understood what they meant. She was fine with it. Totally, definitely, fine.

Who was she kidding?

She couldn't lie to herself.

She was tired.

She was tired of all the ignorance towards her. She was tired of all the times she was ignored due to her situation. Just because she didn’t have a gift didn’t mean she couldn’t do anything. All she wanted to do was help out, even if it was just a little bit. Was it too much to ask?

Mirabel gripped the sheet of her bed tight within her fists.

She was tired of it. She was tired of Abuela caring for the miracle and gifts, not sparing a glance towards her. She was tired of her dad comforting her without even trying to understand what position she was in. She was tired of her mom not sticking up to Abuela, always silent.

She was tired of all the mockery and sharp remarks from Isabela. She was tired of Luisa running around for the villagers, not sparing a single moment for her, only reserved for small “Good Mornings” at breakfast. She was tired of Tia Pepa ignoring her for the sake of her children, who were blessed with a gift.

She was tired of her Tio Felix, standing by his wife's side instead of trying to say something. She was tired of Dolores reminding people she didn't get a gift every single time without fail. She was tired of Camilo using his gift in front of her without a care in the world, as if mocking her.

As for Antonio...

She could never get tired of him. Those chocolate brown eyes and his innocent smile was something she could never get tired of. After all, she was the one who acted as his parental figure, sharing the nursery with him and playing with him whenever his parents were too busy.

But she was so so tired. All she wanted to do was escape this, for even just a moment. If only she could just get up and leave-

Mirabel's eyes widen just a bit. She sat up in her bed abruptly, causing the bed to creak under her weight.

What if she left the Encanto? Not only would she be able to escape the grips of her family, but she could also start over again with a new life, no absentee relatives or whatnot. But she would have to take a treacherous walk up those cursed mountains, and once she got over, she would have to back all the way down on the other side.

It was far too much, there was no way a gift less Madrigal could accomplish such a feat. Mirabel hardened her gaze, steeling herself and her will.

"No, I'm running away from here." she said, with no hesitation in her voice. She was going to get away from this so called 'family' of hers, even if it meant climbing some mountain.

Mirabel got up from her bed, tossing of the thin bedsheet. She lit up a nearby candle so that way she could properly see what she was doing. She changed out of her night gown, instead opting for a plain white button up town and black leggings. She slipped on a pair of brown lace up boots, tying them up carefully.

The brunette, looked at the old clock on her wall, showing that it was 11:56, a few minutes away from midnight. She headed near her closet to look for the large backpack she had made a few months back. Mirabel had made it in case she needed to run a few errands that was too big for her usual satchel.

To her surprise, the Casita had opened up her closet, tossing the backpack onto the nearby table. Mirabel narrowly dodged the stray backpack, taking a few steps back. "Casita?" Mirabel muttered, only for the tiles on the floor to separate themselves from the floorboard, as it replying to her.

"You're helping me..?"

As if nodding, the stray floorboards moved up and down, showing that it wanted to help. Mirabel took a deep breath in, calming herself. "If you don't mind, can you get a few bottles of water and some herbs? Oh, and the leftover arepas from dinner, please."

Complying with her wishes, the Casita had brought the said items back to her room, placing them near the backpack. "Thanks." Mirabel said, smiling just the tiniest bit. Now it was time to get to work.

She placed the items into her bag, still leaving a lot of place for other stuff. She decided to place the plain clothes of hers into the bag, along with a sewing kit, a few hair ties, her extra pair of glasses, and other things she might need.

While packing, something caught Mirabel's eye. A picture of her family. She froze. It was a picture of entire family, including her, all smiling. She was still young in this picture, a few days before her failed gift ceremony. Before it all went down hill. A time while her family still showed her how much the loved her.

Mirabel shook her heard, clearing any thought that may have made her change her mind. She can't back down now. This was her decision, and she chooses to run away. After she finished packing, she slung it onto her back, sliding her arms between the straps and exited her room.

She quietly closed the door to her room, tiptoeing quietly to the exit. Th Casita had already opened the door prior, allowing her to exit the house silently.

Mirabel took one last look at the house, taking in all the features one last time. Her eyes landed on the magic candle that stood proudly on the window sill. The same candle that had subjected her to such ignorance from her family. The same candle that had denied her of a gift. And yet at the same time, she could not resent it. After all, it had been created to protect her family and give life to the village.

Coffee brown eyes stared the floor, softening. "Casita," she spoke. The tiles of the floor came to life, rattling. "Thank you, for everything."

Just as those words were spoken, the Magic candle glowed, stronger than ever before. Mirabel's eyes widened, did she do something? The glow from the candle grew brighter and brighter, until a ball of golden light separated itself from the candle and emerged, floating in the air.

The ball of light flew towards her, slowly but surely. It circled around Mirabel, shining light upon her. Strangely enough, the light from the ball was comforting and warm, as if hugging her softly. The ball finally stopped in front of her, as if expecting something from her.

Carefully, Mirabel opened her palms underneath the light. A large glow emitted from the already bright ball of light, causing Mirabel to squint and close her eyes in order to shield herself from the light. A few seconds, the glowing stopped, and what felt like a small object fell into her palms.

Coffee colored eyes opened slowly, only to widen once fully opened.

A golden necklace sat in her palms in all its glory, shining beautifully, even at night. It was made from a thin golden chain, accompanied with a delicate pendant. The pendant itself was made out of what looked to be diamonds, embroidered with gold lining, shaped into a butterfly. It was beautiful.

Mirabel carefully touched the pendant, scared that it would shatter with the slightest touch. "Woah..." The brunette looked at the pendant more carefully, before realizing that it was the same shape as the butterfly carved into the magic candle.

"For.." Mirabel looked up at the magic candle.

"For me?"

As if responding, the candle flickered, before a small voice whispered in ear.

'Take it Mirabel, it's yours.'

Coffee brown eyes scanned the room, looking for occupants, only to find nothing. That voice... it felt so comforting. It felt like a father cradling his child for the first time. Filled with love and adoration for her.

Small tears found it's way to Mirabel's eyes, before being wiped away. Mirabel held the necklace close to her chest, smiling and cradling it gently. "Whoever you are, thank you." She looked down to the tiles on the floor. "Thank you as well Casita."

She quickly secured the necklace around her neck, double checking to make sure it wouldn't fall off. She turned around, now facing the door to exit the Casita. She stepped forward,

And left.

It had already been 20 minutes since Mirabel had left the village, now hiking up the mountain. And yet she was already cursing at the mountain for being too large. Holding a candle in her hands as a light source, Mirabel panted before screaming at the large landforms.

"WHY ARE THE MOUNTAINS SO BIG?! I get that it was meant to protect us, but WHY SO LARGE?! Can't you just tone the height back a little bit?! Sheesh."

As if planned out, the necklace she was wearing glowed, before the ground beneath her shook. Falling onto the ground, Mirabel looked around panicking. "What now?!" The candle she was holding fell to the ground, extinguishing and now rendered useless.

Trees and rocks moved out of the way, pieces of the ground shifted and reformed, and all other debris was placed somewhere else. The shaking soon stopped, letting Mirabel stand up properly.

"Well that was a suprise. That came out of nowhere- what the?!"

The uneven and dangerous formations of rocks were no longer, in its place was a smooth path clear from any obstacles and dangerous cliffs. Fireflies swarmed the path, lighting up the place and showing her the way.

"..."

Mirabel stared at the path, dumbfounded. She opened her mouth, but then closed it again. "That came out of nowhere, but you know what, I'm just gonna take the path anyway." Securing her back pack, she walked on the path with no mishaps what so ever.

After god knows how long minutes of walking and climbing up the newly formed path, Mirabel made it to the end of the Encanto with relative ease. Now all there was to do get past that golden bubble shield up ahead and she was good to go-

Wait a minute, golden bubble shield?

Mirabel paused in her tracks, looking at the now present bubble shield. "Huh..?" Mirabel muttered. What was this bubble thing doing here? The cury haired teen looked around for anything to use, finding a pebble on the ground. She picked up the pebble, only to throw it at the bubble shield. It passed through easily, landing on the other side of the shield.

'Hm, seems easy enough.'

Just as she walked towards the shield, she collided with some unseen force, causing her to fall backwards. "Ow! Where did that come from?!" Gettting up from the ground, Mirabel dusted off the dust from her leggings and faced the golden barrier.

"Odd, I just saw the pebble pass through..." She moved closer to the shield, observing the odd sparkles. 'This looks familiar... Wait a minute!'

'These are the same sparkles that float around a new door just before a gift ceremony! This must be another barrier that the magic put up to protect the Encanto!' Mirabel mentally gave herself a pat on the back for figuring it out. 'Good job me! Wait a minute-'

The brunette stared at the barrier in front of her with a deadpan. 'If this stops this from getting in, how am I supposed to get out?' Mirabel groaned before looking at the watch on her wrist. "2:23... it won't be long before Dolores and everyone else starts waking up. I gotta hurry. But how do I get past the barrier?"

She looked around for anything to use, but nothing proved to be useful. But then she remembered something crucial. The necklace that the Casita gave her.

'After I wished that it was easier to climb, the Encanto shifted to make a path. Maybe it will listen to me this time as well?'

Mirabel grasped the necklace with her palms, wishing that her plan would work. Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself before speaking.

"I wish to cross the Barrier."

In a the next few seconds, a gap within the barrier formed in front of her, no longer blocking her from exiting. "Woah..." Brown eyes looked down at the village one last time, staring down at the sight.

'This is my last time seeing the village... huh. Never in a million years did I think I would be dong this. Well, there's no turning back. I've gone too far to turn back now.'

Just as small droplets fell from her eyes, Mirabel gripped her the straps of her backpack, before looking at the other side of the Encanto.

'Good bye everyone, maybe next time, we'll see each other again.'

She took a step forward.

And exited the Encanto.

[tiffanytoms]

When you posted ch 3 it was 3am and I was just getting up from studying and then I couldn't control myself so I read it but I was too tired to tell you how much I love it . So here it goes first thing in the morning , absolutely love enemy within. Thanks for enlightening us about coregasms but to be honest it not like i m gonna try it because I'm lazy af😂😂 but I totally appreciate the knowledge 😏also I have the same ques as lily like why doesn't James hate her because she's muggleborn and he is supposed to??? I get that hes attracted to her but idk what's going on in James' mind .I love the fact he doesn't hate her but I would like to know the explaination I'm guessing we'll get to know abt that sometime later. Also I just really hope jily is endgame. Also if its not spoilery does james in this fic gets redeemed or he stays dark and makes an exception for just lily. ??

Again love love love ❤❤❤this fic and thank you spoiling us with new chapters also a very happy birthday in advance.🎂

Thank you! I hope studying went well 🍀

Oh my goodness: YES! I really wish someone had told me what the hell coregasms (info) were as a kid, bc I had no idea what the fuck was going on 😅 All I knew is that I loved the gym now 🤣 I also feel like I learnt far more about sex from fics than school, sooooo paying it forward! 🙌🏻

Funny enough, there’s a hint of an explanation about that in the new chapter ☺️

It is a bit spoilery, but I did already reveal, so no biggie, but James does not get redeemed. Think that’s important to set expectations.

Thank you 🥳🍪