#Original Katarina deserves better | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

might-be-a-zygon · 3 years

Note

Ohhhh Thasmin and "are you kidding me?! you're not 'fine'!" OR River/13 and "i can't believe i almost lost you

This one got away from me a little, I’ll admit. It’s pretty angsty and features a lot of (canon) character death, so fair warning on that one.

I’ll add an AO3 link in the reblogs!

---

The Ghosts That Broke My Heart

Sleep had always been a funny thing for the Doctor. She certainly needed a lot less of it than her human friends, but it had always been a reliable break from whatever life chose to throw at her that week. She had dreams, like everyone did, but there was one thing which the Doctor didn’t really do.

She didn’t have nightmares.

Really, what would she have them about? The Doctor faced the creatures of nightmares every day. To some species, the Doctor was a creature of nightmares.

Still, after what had happened on Gallifrey? She’d found the creatures that could jolt her awake screaming.

Ghosts.

Whatever she’d done to overload the matrix had broken centuries of carefully constructed barriers, holding back the people she’d lost, and now her mind saw fit to make her relive each dark moment whenever she let her guard down to try and sleep.

It had started out right away- that first night in the Jadoon prison she’d laid down on the slab that passed for a bed, and closed her eyes to sleep.

“What does that mean?”

Jenny was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet, all wide-eyes and excited smiles. The Doctor could recognise a lot of her own nervous energy in the young woman- ready to go off and explore the brave new world that awaited them. She also saw the gunman poised to take all that away in a moment.

It was like she was watching through thick glass. Poised on the sidelines, watching her past selves getting it all wrong over and over, but helpless to interfere. She slammed her palm against it, sending a too-real shooting pain through her arm, but making no audible sound.

“It means a new world.”

Sandshoes was grinning now, more genuine hope than she could ever really remember feeling shining in those eyes. He’d burned in the end- she remembered that much. He’d been angry. Vengeful.

The Timelord Victorious.

How different might things have been if he’d just turned around? The Doctor tried to speak, to shout for him to get her out of the way. Her voice didn’t make a sound.

She watched the happiness melt from Jenny’s face, even as Sandshoes maintained his stupid, complacent grin. The Doctor was pounding on the glass now, silently screaming that it wasn’t worth it, but of course she couldn’t change it. Jenny shoved Sandshoes out of the way, the bullet striking her square in the chest. Martha- brilliant Martha who she’d never once deserved- she knew right away there was no chance. She watched her past-self hold their dying daughter, and tell her of a future she’d never see, already knowing she was beyond saving. Lies had always fallen too easily from her tongue.

“You’re gonna be amazing, you hear me, Jenny?”

Had she even heard?

That first night, when she woke with a whine, curled up into a tight ball on her uncomfortable prison bed, the Doctor had attributed it to stress. She’d jumped haphazardly from Byron, to the cybermen, to Gallifrey, to prison with no time to clear her head. The Master always did funny things to her mind, anyway, it was normal there’d be some aftereffects.

Her hand ached from where she’d been slamming it into the ‘bed’.

She tried to shake the traitorous vision of Jenny- bright, young Jenny with so much potential sacrificing herself for the father she hardly knew. The father who would go on to do so much damage.

Against her better judgement, she’d turned over, and tried to get to sleep again. It was the last time she made that mistake.

The first thing the Doctor heard this time, was screaming.

She was on a ship, which certainly wasn’t her TARDIS. It took her a minute to recognise the place- but, maybe that made the whole thing even worse. Somebody was screaming for her help, and she couldn’t even remember who it was.

She stood there, behind whatever barrier her mind had constructed to stop her interfering, and watched the doddering old fool she’d been back then just stand there while a good woman was in trouble just feet away. She could have reopened the airlock doors- she’d known how- but she’d been so desperate to look for a way around it, that she’d left Katarina there screaming.

“Change course.” The Doctor in front of her finally ordered. “Take him back to Kembel. Take him back to Kembel! Let the Daleks deal with him.”

In that moment the Doctor looked into her own eyes and saw a spark of that ruthless fire which would one day burn galaxies. It was that same fire that made her risk tearing time apart for Clara Oswald- the fire that burned too brightly. If she was feeling generous, she might have called it admirable, that she was willing to fight so unbelievably hard for the people she loved.

Right now, she called it selfishness.

Steven stepped towards the old Doctor, his anger doing a poor job at masking his fear. “Yes, and us!”

“Don't worry, dear boy, We'll find a way out.” The Doctor cringed at her first face (or, the first face she remembered), while standing in her glass prison. Her methods of comfort hadn’t come on any in three thousand years. She was still a liar.

Both of the men who’d been with her bck then had been afraid. Bret had even tried arguing with her, but the Doctor had never been an easy person to argue with.

“I can't sacrifice everything for the sake of that one girl.” He argued, still at the controls. Luckily, she was spared the embarrassment of having to watch her former self argue by Steven stepping in.

“Listen! Without us you wouldn't have got off Kembel at all, and nothing would be worth bothering about!”

“All right, so we all go back together. But without me, I doubt that you would have got this far either.” Bret had given in quickly enough, and all the while the Doctor just stood and watched, and listened to Katarina’s frightened screaming in the airlock.

She watched as Katarina broke free and hit the release for the airlock. She watched as both her and Kirksen were sucked out into space. She watched, and knew that that girl- that girl who was so brave in the face of so much danger- had sacrificed herself so the three of them could get away.

Her hearts ached, as she thought of a dozen ways she could have saved her, if she’d tried harder.

“She wanted to save our lives and perhaps the lives of all the other beings of the Solar System.” The old Doctor in front of her began to make his silly speech, and the Doctor turned away, revolted at her own self-importance. “I hope she's found her Perfection. Oh, how I shall always remember her as one of the Daughters of the Gods. Yes, as one of the Daughters of the Gods.”

Rule one.

She hadn’t thought about Katarina in centuries. That poor, brave woman, who had made the ultimate sacrifice to keep them all alive, and the Doctor hadn’t even bothered to remember her.

The Doctor had awoken, still curled up on that cold stone slab, unable to shake the revulsion at her own actions. Was she still like that man? So pompous as to think that every being in the universe made their decisions based around her.

She hadn’t tried to sleep again, after that, shifting to lay on her back, staring at the celling, and trying to shake what somewhere, deep down, she knew.

There were very, very good reasons, she was in prison.

At first, it was always death. Faces she’d remembered, and ones she’d long since forgotten, all meeting their end because the Doctor had failed to save them.

“It snapped my neck, Sir. It wasn’t as painless as I expected, but it was pretty quick, so that was something.”

Angel Bob.

The Doctor had forgotten all about Angel Bob. He was young, and clever, and he was so scared, and she had just walked away and forgotten all about him, as though he’d never even existed.

She could see the look on the faces of the others- the muted horror on River’s, and the more pronounced look of it on her mother’s, as well as the well-managed grief of the soldiers who’d fought with him. They were all ghosts, now. Amy, River, the soldiers. All blown away like smoke on the wind.

“If you’re dead how can I be talking to you?” She tried not to think about the genuine interest her former self’s voice held in that moment- a man had just died, and Bowtie was curious about the mechanics.

“You’re not talking to me, Sir. The angel has no voice. It stripped my cerebral cortex from my body and reanimated a version of my consciousness to communicate with you. Sorry about the confusion.”

She tried her absolute best not to think too hard about how conscious the original Bob was at that moment. Had he known what had happened to him? Had he felt the angels turn him into their puppet?

She watched as Bowtie told them all to run- to run into the maze of weeping angels with no plan, and to just trust him, and she watched as he stopped behind to defend himself.

“Yes, I called you an idiot, and I’m sorry-“ He didn’t sound sorry at all, but the Doctor in her glass cage watching it play out certainly was, “But I couldn’t have saved your men.”

“I know that, Sir. And when you’ve flown off in your little blue box, I’ll explain that to their families.”

She watched, sick to her stomach, as Bowtie smirked.

“I’ll have to tell his mother.”

Seeing Rose, even after all this time, was still painful. This was only the second day they’d met, back before they’d travelled together. Before she’d managed to soften the war ravaged Doctor standing in front of her now.

The Ears had been one of her shortest lived, and angriest faces, and the ways he’d treated people were downright cruel at times. She saw the questioning look he gave Rose, clueless in the face of Mickey’s apparent demise, and why she’d be at all upset.

Why Rose hadn’t walked away then and there would forever be a mystery to the Doctor. She’d never once deserved that kind of love.

“Mickey” I’ll have to tell his mother he’s dead, and you just went and forgot him, again! You were right, you are alien.”

Alien didn’t have to mean cruel, though. So why did callousness seem to come so easily to her? Maybe it was just the sheer amount of death she’d witnessed, but it still hurt to see. She had to keep reminding herself that this death, at least, hadn’t been real- that Mickey was alive and living on earth, raising a son with his dad’s eyes and his mum’s brains who’d have the whole world talking in a few years.

At least it was a good reminder of why she was staying away from August Smith.

“Look, if I did forget some kid called Mickey-“

“Yeah, he’s not a kid-“

The Ears cut Rose off before she could keep speaking, but the Doctor watching from the side-lines found herself nodding in agreement. Rose was right. Of course Rose was right.

“It’s because I’m busy trying to save the life of every stupid ape blundering about on top of this planet! Alright?”

“Alright!”

“Yes, it is!” Ears sounded insufferably smug.

The Doctor shook her head in disgust, glancing at Rose and quietly muttering, “Why did you ever put up with me?”

“Look out!”

It was another voice she hadn’t heard in a long time, and one she’d frankly been dreading hearing. If Nyssa was here she had a good idea of what she was about to see. She saw the cybermen coming up behind her back, while her fifth-self fumbled with the controls. It was as good as useless.

A cyberman lumbered up behind her, and her past-self ignored it completely, leaving Nyssa to have to shoot it down with a discarded cyberweapon. She was once again saved by a more competent friend, and her own hypocrisy when it came to guns.

She wasn’t sure she’d ever even thanked Nyssa for saving her life.

“I must save Adric!”

Stuck in the corner, exhausted and emotionally drained, the Doctor was just glad that, while she was having to watch another of her failures, this version of herself was at the very least trying.

“Look!”

“Adric.”

The screen came to life, and the Doctor tried to shut her eyes so she wouldn’t have to watch, but of course it didn’t work- in her dreams she wouldn’t be allowed to block out the parts she didn’t want to see. The only consolation was that she wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes.

She’d always been cowardly like that.

She watched as the ship began to come apart- watched as Tegan and Nyssa held each other, and Celery just stood there gawping like a fish who couldn’t believe his own incompetence.

She still remembered that feeling- like someone had clawed the hearts out of her chest and shown them to her. Back then, it’d been such a long time since she’d really lost someone that she wasn’t used to the pain of it anymore.

When had she become careless enough that death just bounced off of her?

It only took ten days of reliving her worst moments before the Doctor had begun actively fighting sleep. Prison, at least, was a safe enough place to do it. She’d pace her cell at night to keep herself from drifting off- reciting books she knew by heart, or just talking to herself to keep her eyes from closing for too long. During the day, she’d do the same- chatting to the other prisoners, pacing, never letting herself remain still for fear of finally giving into the exhaustion which seemed to have seeped into her bones.

Of course, even a Time Lord (if she could even call herself one anymore), couldn’t stay awake forever. After weeks of forcing her eyes to stay open, she’d eventually collapse, usually when she was in her cell, if she was lucky, and she’d endure another walkthrough her past- too exhausted to even wake up- before being woken by the prison systems to begin all over again.

After a while she’d slip into waking dreams, too exhausted to even think straight. She’d sit in her cell, nutrient block in hand, while her sleep deprived mind played out snippets of her life, a few seconds at a time, while she fought to wake up enough to dismiss the visions.

At first, when she next saw herself- sitting on a bench, eating chips, she thought maybe this was just her mind crying out for some real food. It was easy to forget the specifics of what had been discussed all those years before, after twenty years sitting in a cell.

“She scares me.” Came Bill’s voice from next to the older-Doctor, quiet in its honesty. Admitting you were scared was something so few people ever did- least of all when they were around the Doctor, and being brave was so important, but Bill had never been afraid to admit it to her. She’d been strong like that. “Like. She really scares me.”

As much as she still, after all this time, wanted the Master to be everything she knew he could be, it was hard to deny how right Bill had been to be afraid. After all- it was the Master who’d handed her over to the cybermen, in the end, just not the version she’d feared.

“Okay. Just, promise me one thing, yeah? Just promise you won’t get me killed.”

“I can’t promise you that!” Eyebrows had laughed at her, as though her concerns were something flippant. As though her fear was something worth laughing at. He’d been right, in the end, he hadn’t been able to keep Bill alive, but it was horrible looking back at it now.

The Doctor had managed to shock herself back into reality, but she hadn’t been able to shake the self-contempt that settled in her hearts.

Most of the time, those waking nightmares came while she was stuck sitting around, waiting for the time to come that she’d be allowed out into her tiny cube of the exercise yard, just for something to break up the routine of sitting alone, and thinking about death.

“I keep remembering all the people I’ve killed. Every day I think of more. Being bad- Being bad drowned that out. I didn’t know I even knew their names. You didn’t tell me about this bit.”

“I’m sorry, but this is good.”

“Okay.”

The Doctor watched herself hold her self-ascribed goodness over her oldest friend, and couldn’t help but wonder if this wasn’t what had driven the Master to the depths of madness he’d displayed on Gallifrey. She might have lorded it as a good thing back then, but she was quickly learning the types of things that isolation, imprisonment, and guilt could do to the mind. If she got out of prison with her sanity, she’d count it a blessing.

She’d dreamt about Missy a lot, after a while. The longer she stayed locked up, the more her guild-addled mind saw fit to remind her of her stint as jailor.

On those nights she was too exhausted to keep her eyes open, the Doctor saw herself through the glass again. It was her twelfth face- well, the twelfth she remembered- the one with the angry eyebrows and the trusting nature. She saw Missy standing there, looking more dishevelled than she had before the vault, standing so close to the forcefield that it was rippling. She looked strangely earnest despite the pantomime of madness she put o- as though she was proud of herself for actually helping.

She watched as Eyebrows shoved Bill back away from Missy, not seeming to care much about how what had just transpired had clearly affected her. She’d never been good enough for Bill- the kind, inquisitive girl who’d gone out of her way to buy the Doctor Christmas presents and who’d called her grandad, and who she’d promised she wouldn’t get killed. Bill who had been so strong, who had fought off the monks and the cybermen by sheer force of will. Bill who’d deserved so much more than what the Doctor had given to her.

She watched Eyebrows walk up to that rippling forcefield, and look his oldest friend in the eyes like she was still the monster she pretended to be.

“Even if that was the truth the fact that you’re suggesting it shows that there’s been no change. No hope. No point.”

Eyebrows sounded angry, and the Doctor winced slightly at that. How was the Master ever supposed to change with the Doctor constantly telling her that her progress meant nothing? Was that why she’d given up in the end? It had to be easier to go back to what you’d known before rather than being constantly strung along and put down by someone who had promised to help you become better.

Missy’s face contorted for a moment. The Doctor left her here for months, all alone in this dusty room with almost nothing, and then he’d turned up just to talk to her like this? Her Twelfth face was one of the few she’d always thought of as good- or, if not good, at least kind. Sandshoes had been angry from the war and from everything he’d lost, but Eyebrows had tried so hard to be kind. Was this really what her version of kind did to people?

After her own stint in prison, leaving Missy trapped like this for so long was beginning to seem more and more cruel. She’d wanted to help people, she really had, but it wasn’t as though her friend had come to her and asked. She’d saved her, and then abused that power, keeping her prisoner for decades to try and make her into something she’d never tried to be. It was hard, knowing what had later become of the Master, not to wonder what all that time in the vault had done to their already fragile mental state. How much had she contributed to his snapping and destroying their home?

Looking at it like that how was the Doctor any better than the Jadoon? And how was Missy running off with the Master much different from her running with Jac They’d both been escaping jailors who kept them confined alone for long enough to drive them half-mad.

“We don’t sacrifice people.” The scene playing out in front of her was hardly easy, but the Doctor laughed anyway, because the irony of that wasn’t lost on her. She’d let so many people die for her as Rainbows that Eyebrows’ words felt hollow. “It’s wrong because it’s easy.”

“Back in the day I’d burn an entire city to the ground just to see the pretty shapes the smoke made. I’m sorry your plus one doesn’t get a happy ending, but like it or not I just saved this world because I want to change.”

There was a forced lightness to Missy’s voice, almost undetectable unless you really knew her well- and the Doctor knew her better than anybody. It’d been a cry for help, of sorts- she’d wanted her friend back, and Eyebrows had ignored her. She’d saved the world- the Doctor would have likely spent months searching for infected water supplies and food chains following up his own stupid theories, and Missy had told him the answer freely, and without reward. She’d saved the world and he’d told her there was no hope for her- no wonder she’d run.

“Your version of good is not absolute.” She continued, her fingers pushing slightly against the forcefield now. The Doctor watched it ripple from behind he own glass patrician, and she knew the look in Missy’s eyes far too well. If that forcefield had been replaced with glowing blue bars it could have been her in her own cell. At least during her imprisonment she hadn’t had to live with the knowledge that her oldest friend was her jailor. “It’s vain, arrogant, and sentimental.”

Vain, arrogant and sentimental.

She always had said the Master knew her soul a little too well.

Once the spectre of death faded, somewhat, it was her own shortcomings her subconscious decided to force onto her. Those moments when she’d forced others into complying with what she’d wanted- as though that was always her decision to make.

She was the Doctor, after all. Who would ever dare to question her whims as anything less than genius?

“You know you can fix that chameleon circuit if you just tried hot-wiring the fragment links and superseding the binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary-“

Not this. Not Donna. How was this fair? At least with Jenny she hadn’t seen the gunman. She could see it in her past-self’s face that he knew this was killing her, and he was just standing there like an idiot, watching it happen. He could have stepped in sooner.

“I’m fine.” Donna was showing off that big grin, back to talking a mile-a-minute. The Doctor had always wondered if on some level she knew what this would do. She had all of that knowledge inside her head, it must have been somewhere in her all along that she’d become an impossible thing.

She didn’t pound on the glass or scream this time, watching her own past unfold with her hand pressed up against it. She mouthed I’m sorry, but no sound came out.

“I bet he’s great, Charlie Chaplin. Shall we do that? Shall we go see Charlie Chaplin? Shall we? Charlie Chaplin. Charlie Chester. Charlie Brown- no he’s fiction-“ She watched as Donna pranced around, playing with the console and the phone. This wasn’t quite Donna- not really. This Donna was far too Doctor- maybe that was why she found it so unsettling, seeing her charming, funny, irreverent friend talking like someone she hated.

“Friction, fiction, fixing, mixing, Rickston, Brixton-“ Donna cut off with a gasp, and the Doctor wanted to slap Sandshoes for leaving her in this state. She had to be scared, and he wasn’t even bothering to explain it to her. Of course, with that much of the Doctor’s mind burning through her own, Donna had probably understood it all already, but there was still something to be said for compassion in a situation as horrific as this one.

“I was gonna be with you forever.” The sadness in Donna’s eyes spoke volumes. She’d trusted the Doctor so much, had so much planned for them, and it was all the Doctor’s fault.

If her hearts hadn’t already shattered they did now. Nobody ever stayed with her forever- not really. Even if she wanted them to, she’d always destroy them before they got a chance.

She was on the floor, kneeling on the dirty floor of a TARDIS she’d long since tried to forget. When had that happened?

“I know.”

She screwed her eyes shut, grateful that this time, at least, she managed to block out the visuals- maybe because this time, the sound of Donna begging for something the Doctor was too selfish to give her was enough. She wouldn’t watch Sandshoes lie to her like that- like he’d lied to Jenny, and to Bob, and to Steven. Pretty words to ease the pain she was about to put her through.

“I can’t go back. Doctor. Please. Please don’t make me go back.”

Listening to her beg wasn’t any easier than watching it. Or living it- especially now she knew just how painful it was to have your memories taken from you. Gallifrey may have erased her path, but she’d run roughshod over her friend’s mind just as carelessly.

“Donna Noble. I am so sorry. But we had the best of times.” Was that supposed to make either of them feel better? She’d been so self-righteous back then. The Doctor opened her eyes again, and regretted it almost immediately, curling in on herself behind her little partition. “Goodbye.”

“No. No! No please! No. No! No!”

Staying awake proved easier once she’d left prison.

During her incarceration, it had only been the thought of getting home to her fam which had really kept her going, so having Yaz back at her side was a real boost to her mood, which kept those waking nightmares at bay.

The running helped too- adrenaline in her system keeping the more dangerous effects of her sleep-deprivation at bay. Still, it didn’t mean that nights didn’t come where she came down from that high of finally being able to help again, and her tiredness came crashing down on her like a crushing weight.

This time, it came after a particularly harsh day.

She was getting sloppy in her exhausted state, and that sloppiness had put Yaz in far greater danger than she’d ever wanted to risk again. She’d told herself, that after the cybermen, and the daleks, she’d be more careful, but then all of a sudden there they were, stuck in a trap she should have been able to spot, if she was thinking clearly.

They’d been held hostage for longer than she was willing to admit- some scrapper who was very keen on getting hold of the TARDIS- not that he really knew what it was or what significance it held. No, for this man the greatest ship in the universe was worth some spare parts, and whatever the scrap value of its base components was.

They’d gotten out, in the end, but it wasn’t as though she could even take credit for that- it was quick thinking on Yaz’s part which had distracted their attacker for long enough for them to get to the TARDIS. As impressive as it was, it was still terrifying to see Yaz be so like her in the way she acted. The last person who’d wanted to be the Doctor had gotten killed trying to do so.

She’d hardly said a word once they returned to the ship, trying her best to ignore the furtive looks of concern she kept getting. She slipped off to the library alone when Yaz went to make a cup of tea, getting there on her fourth attempt (since the TARDIS seemed insistent on placing her room behind every door she opened), and counting on the near-infinite nature of the TARDIS rooms to hide her for a while. She needed a little space while she cleared her head and tried to get rid of some of the overwhelming guilt that was eating her up inside.

She could have gotten Yaz killed today with her carelessness. If Yaz wasn’t as good as she was, she would have gotten them both killed.

No matter what horrors from her past her brain decided to drudge up, a world without Yaz was still a terrifying thought.

“I’m not asking you for a promise. I’m giving you an order.”

She really didn’t want to see this.

The Doctor had not gotten her memories back just so she could watch Clara Oswald face the raven all over again. Even in prison her mind hadn’t been cruel enough to remind her of that particular death. She remembered the others- Oswin, and the governess she’d met in London, and a hundred other Clara’s who’d died to save her- but this one had never come up.

Evidently, her subconscious thought she needed a reminder of what happened when she took her eyes off things for a moment too long.

“You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no one else here, or anywhere, will suffer.”

Well there was a promise the Doctor hadn’t managed to keep. She’d tried to tear time itself apart to save Clara, and worst of all, she’d never even known if it succeeded. Testimony didn’t remember whether Clara had lived or died- it’d been taken the moment before the raven hit- before the Doctor had tried to pull her from her timeline. She had no memory of anything that’d happened with Clara after this, and while she knew they’d been together on Gallifrey, she didn’t know how permanent that salvation might be, or what about it had taken her memories to begin with.

“What about me?” Eyebrows asked, and the Doctor who was watching him managed a harsh, bitter laugh. Clara was dying, and as usual her former self was there to be selfish and make her comfort him.

“If there was something I could do about that I would. I guess we’ll both just need to be brave.”

“Clara-“ He was trying to argue again, but all at once she was pulling him into a hug, and looking at the desperation of it from the outside, the Doctor just knew that Clara was trying to pull some comfort from it too, since Eyebrows hadn’t been offering her any.

She’d been human, and she’d been dying, and she’d been scared, but she’d forced herself to be brave so her friend didn’t have to be.

Looking back on it, Clara had always been so much stronger than the Doctor had ever been.

“Don’t run.” It had to be the first time she’d ever said that to one of her friends in a bad spot. “Stay with me.” Eyebrows was practically begging her now. Worse than that, the Doctor knew that if she had to go back and do it again, she wouldn’t be any stronger.

“Nah.” She could see how heard Clara was working to keep her tone casual, not wanting to hurt the Doctor any more than this whole thing already would. It was heart breaking, really, knowing that even in her final moments she’d had to suppress her own feelings to try and save her pain. “You stay here. In the end everybody does this alone.”

She shouldn’t have had to do it alone.

“Clara-“ Eyebrows tried again, and if the Doctor wasn’t stuck in her self-imposed cell, she might have hit him. This was his last chance- why couldn’t he say something to her? Why couldn’t he make sure that she died knowing how deeply she was loved.

“This is as brave as I know how to be. I know it’s gonna hurt you but- please. Be a little proud of me?”

There was a hopeful note to Clara’s tone despite everything, and in the end that was what really broke the Doctor. Her hand was pressed against the glass, desperate to say something, but unable to- the sands of time separated them more surely than the glass ever could.

“Always.” She promised, because if Eyebrows wouldn’t say it, then this new Doctor would. “I’m always gonna be proud of you.”

Clara turned away from her, and walked towards her grave.

“No no no no…”

The Doctor’s eyes blinked open, giving her a hazy view of the warm purple walls of the TARDIS library. She was curled up in one of the armchairs near the fire, her eyes still heavy with sleep. How long had it been since she’d last slept? Weeks, at least. Maybe months. And since she’d last slept properly? Well that had been decades.

Her hands ached from where she’d been clutching onto the arms of the chair.

Her eyes were already falling closed again, too exhausted to even force herself to stay awake.

“If you die here it’ll mean I never even met you.”

She’d never really appreciated how true that statement was. Without the Doctor blundering through her mother’s life, River Song would never have existed. Melody Williams (would she even have been called Melody, with the paradox of her name?) would have grown up safe and happy, the human daughter of the journalist and the nurse. She’d have had a normal life. She’d have been raised by loving parents, and have had a happy childhood, and maybe even brothers and sisters- maybe she’d have still written books, or taught archelogy, and had a much happier marriage than theirs had been.

Melody Pond would have been so much better off if she had never met the Doctor.

“Time can be rewritten.” For once, she seemed to be in agreement with Sandshoes. He was selfish, but at least he’d have been doing her a favour.

“Not those times. Not one line. Don't you dare. It's okay. It's okay. It's not over for you. You'll see me again. You've got all of that to come. You and me, time and space. You watch us run.”

Live great lives. That’s what she’d told her fam. If anyone had lived up to that, and lived a great life despite the Doctor’s meddling, it had been River Song. They’d had some amazing times, saved so many people, so many planets. There were stars out there still burning because River Song had been there to save them.

If the Doctor had found a better way around getting the people out of there, there might have been so many more.

The computer counting down the seconds left of her life in the background wasn’t helping the way that the Doctor’s hearts were pounding. She was crying, now- she wasn’t sure when that had begun.

From her cell, she watched Sandshoes babble on about his guilt- his suspicions, being expertly put down by River. She was so used to shutting him up when he was talking about things he didn’t know anything about- she could really use that, right now.

She should have saved her.

“Hush now. Spoilers…”

River smiled, and the Doctor lunged at the glass in front of her, shouting words that even she could barely comprehend. She was still clawing desperately at the glass when the room flashed bright white.

The Time Lord didn’t even fully wake that time, despite having thrown herself onto the floor at some point during her anguish. She was barely drawn out of her nightmares for a moment, a noise that sounded awfully like a whimper escaping her. Her eyes were shut too-tightly, and she had her arms wrapped tightly around herself, fingernails digging into her arms as though that would protect her from the horrors of her own mind.

“Who decides they’re so unimportant? You?”

The Doctor knew where she was this time without even looking up. Somehow, this scared her even more. She wasn’t watching a loved one die, she was watching her own stupid power-play blow up in her face. This hadn’t been a mercy mission, it’d been her trying to prove to the whole Universe that the Doctor had power over all.

“For a long time now I thought I was just a survivor, but I’m not. I’m the winner- that’s who I am. The Time Lord victorious.”

“And there’s no one to stop you?”

“No.”

“This is wrong, Doctor. I don’t care who you are. The Time Lord victorious is wrong.”

Captain Adelaide. She’d been so brilliant- she’d understood more about this than her idiot younger self ever could. The Doctor just about managed to give her a smile from behind her glass wall before she resumed staring at Sandshoes in disgust.

“That’s for me to decide. Now, you better get home.”

It was chilling. Watching her old face shift so quickly. Darkness turned cocky in an instant as he pointed his sonic at the door. Unlike with the other dreams, The Doctor wasn’t shouting. She didn’t try to say a word, just watched on with self-loathing and dread weighing down her hearts. A silent spectator of her darkest moment since the Time War.

Sandshoes smirked at that brave, doomed woman, challenging her to argue her fate further. He’d set himself up as a self-styled God. “Oh it’s all locked up- you’ve been away. Still, that’s easy.”

“Is there nothing you can’t do?”

“Not anymore.”

She watched as the great Time Lord Victorious turned his back on Adelaide. She watched as the captain drew her gun. She braced herself for that flash of blue light and the thud of a body hitting the floor.

“Don’t do it, Adelaide.” She was talking to nobody, but she still couldn’t help herself trying to butt in- trying to fix the damage she hadn’t noticed until it was too late. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t-“

“Doctor?”

A hand on her shoulder drew her out of there before she had to watch that, jolting her awake. She came to, immediately caught off guard by the shadow of someone standing over her, and the scent of a familiar perfume hitting her. It took her a moment or so to place it, but when she did her hearts picked up a little. Yaz. Brilliant, wonderful, human Yaz who’d probably just heard her rambling all sorts of scary nonsense in her sleep.

“Doctor are you alright?”

The Doctor swallowed a little too hard and sat up quickly enough to make her head spin, forcing a familiar, false grin to spread across her face. Her body was aching from sleeping on the wooden floor, and she was pretty sure she was going to be bruised from where she’d fallen off the chair.

“Yaz! Yasmin Khan- Sorry, must have nodded off-“ Her voice sounded a little false even to her own ears, and she did her best to pass it off with a yawn.

“Sorry, just, you were talkin’ in your sleep an’ I thought-“ Yaz looked a little sheepish about waking her, and her eyes were full of concern.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry- Time Lord. Vivid dreams- I was…” She forced another yawn, trying to give herself time to think of a lie. “Did I ever tell you about the time I met a real life siren on a pirate ship? That was a good one, that. Dream about that one a lot. M’fine, though. Really.”

Yaz shot her a look that showed she didn’t believe the Doctor for a moment. There was a beats pause, before she exploded

“Are you kiddin’ me?! You’re not ‘fine’!” She drew air quotes around that last word, straightening up, to stand over the Doctor, showing she was serious.

“I’m-“

“I swear if you say ‘fine’ I’m gonna-”

The Doctor shut her mouth before Yaz could finish the threat.

There was a tense moment, almost like a standoff between the two of them, before Yasmin’s hard eyes softened, and she bent down to help the Doctor to her feet.

“I’m worried about y’.”

Suppressing her initial urge to insist that she was fine, the Doctor bit her lip.

“You shouldn’t be.” She eventually managed.

“When was the last time ‘y slept?” Yaz asked.

“About a minute ago.” The Doctor tried to make a joke. Yaz laughed weakly.

“Before that.” She clarified, glancing at the floor where she’d found the doctor collapsed.

“…I don’t remember.” The Doctor admitted.

Yaz sucked in a surprised breath through clenched teeth.

“Doctor-“

“I’m not human. I don’t need as much sleep as you lot.”

Raising an eyebrow, Yaz gave her another of those easy, disbelieving looks. “And that’s why I found you passed out on the floor cryin’?”

The Doctor blinked, bringing her hand up to her face. Sure enough, she’d been crying- she hadn’t even realised. Waking up with tears in her eyes was just normal by now.

“What’s so bad that it’s keepin’ you up?” Yaz leant forwards, taking one of the Doctor’s hands in both of her own. “Please don’t lie to me.”

There was an earnestness in her eyes that reminded the Doctor of all the people she’d loved most. Rose, Amy, River, Clara. Even Koschei. She’d always liked the people who could be honest with her the best- she needed honest people to stop her tearing herself apart and taking everyone else with her.

“I’ve lost a lot of people, Yaz.” She said, resigned note in her voice. “You saw Gallifrey. My home world is gone, my wife is gone, my children are gone, my granddaughter is gone. I’ve lost most of my friends, and- since Gallifrey, I can’t block them out anymore. I see them die every night.”

All at once, Yaz leaned forwards, just like Clara had in her dream, wrapping her arms tightly around the Doctor, holding her grounded to the spot. Even that brief contact allowed some of the tension in the Doctor’s body to loosen, her shoulder’s slumping as she leant into the contact.

“’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

Yaz pulled herself back from the hug, keeping her hands firmly on the Doctor’s arms, so she could ground her while looking her in the eyes.

“Have you got a bedroom on board?” She asked.

“Somewhere. How come?”

Yaz smiled, “Because you’ve gotta sleep sometime, and I think it’s probably comfier than the floor.” She let one of her hands fall, the other moving up to brush the hair out of the Doctor’s eyes. “Come on.”

She caught Yaz’s wrist in her hand, suddenly looking nervous. She was really worried where her subconscious would go from what had to be one of the worst things she’d ever done. “I don’t wanna. Not yet.”

“Y’ need to.” Yaz insisted, still trying her best to smile. The Doctor recognised that look from how often she herself wore it- that false-cheer that just barely covered the worry. “I promise I’ll sit with y’ the whole time- I can wake you up if you start makin’ noise.”

The Doctor thought about that for a minute. It’d certainly been easier to deal with the dream about Adelaide since she’d been pulled out of it before she actually had to hear the shot go off. If Yaz could pull her out of the bad moments before she had to see anything too bad- Maybe it would let the Doctor get a bit of sleep. It wasn’t the most elegant solution, and it didn’t seem as though it would last too long, but- it was an infinitely better one than her current plan of depriving herself of sleep until she could hardly stand.

“You really wouldn’t mind?” She eventually asked, her fingers still resting around Yaz’s wrist, though she wasn’t trying to use them to push her away any more.

“I love you. Let me take care of you, for once.”

There was another slight pause, before the Doctor let go of her hand, nodding. “Okay.”

Yaz let out a relieved breath. “Thank you.”

“For what?” The Doctor turned to her, genuine confusion etched across her features.

Yaz took another step closer, cupping the Doctor’s face in one hand, and giving her the most genuine smile either of them had shared since they’d reunited. “For letting me in.”

#thirteenth doctor #doctor who #thasmin #yasmin khan #yaz khan #madeathing

11 notes · View notes

stephkaylor · 3 years

Text

FAVES and FAILS: The Vampire Diaries

So I have decided that since The Vampire Diaries has a spin off, The Originals, I am going to divide the characters based on where they appeared the most. So on this list I will be talking about the Salvatores, the Petrova/Gilbert line, the Bennets and Caroline, etc. but I will discuss the Mikaelsons, Hayley, etc. on their own list with the other characters that appeared on The Originals mostly. As always, spoilers are abound as I will discuss storylines and character arcs below, so be warned of that. In any case, here’s my FAVES and FAILS for The Vampire Diaries.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER: Damon Salvatore

Could it be anyone else? I don’t think so. He’s a delightful little sociopathic shit and I love everything about him. He is 99% id and 1% ego, if that, and even when I hated him, I loved him (god, I sound like Elena…). In any case, love this man, five stars, would recommend, chef’s kiss.

LEAST FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER: …I think Matt Donovan…?

Ugh, it’s hard to pick between Matt, Tyler, and Jeremy, but I think it has to be Matt. I never enjoyed his judgey attitude against everything supernatural, he seemed pretty whiney most of the time, and he was just genuinely uninteresting for the majority of the show. Not into it. Pass.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER: Katherine Pierce (Katarina Petrova)

I thought about giving this post to Caroline by default, but if it comes down to it, Katherine nudges her way into the top spot. Katherine gave no fucks, knew what she wanted and was unapologetic about how she went about getting it, and an all around bad bitch. Was she primarily evil? Yes. But, to be honest, it never really bothered me.

LEAST FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER: Bonnie Bennet

God, this woman was annoying. She was hypocritical, judgmental, and far too holier than thou for me to swallow her bullshit. She constantly played favorites with Caroline and Elena (I’m sorry, you hold Caroline becoming a vampire against her for like two seasons, but when Elena becomes one, it’s not her fault? Sure.). She hated all supernatural creatures because they “go against nature”, but it’s totally chill for you to perform sacrificial magic to get what you want, unleashing a terrible evil in the process (but it’s not her fault). How she nearly excommunicated Caroline just because she stayed with Stefan after Stefan killed Enzo, as if it was her fault in any way. How everyone treated her like she was a special little unicorn because she’s a Bennet Witch and she’s so magical, like, please, gag me. I could go on, but I honestly cannot be bothered. Hard pass.

THE CHARACTER THAT DESERVED BETTER: Caroline Forbes

She was essentially shunned by all of her friends and family for becoming a vampire, even though she didn’t choose to become one at all. Also, she was basically used as collateral damage for the entire Salvatores and Gilberts versus The Mikaelsons debacle just because Klaus liked her. She was always the second choice no matter what the situation was (unless it’s her being impregnated with magical twins without her consent and then guilted into carrying the babies, but poor Alaric just lost his wife. I’m sorry, unless it’s your uterus, shut the fuck up). I’ll just be over here doing what exactly NO ONE on the show did, and pick Caroline first.

DEADWEIGHT CHARACTER WE SHOULD’VE DUMPED IN 2009: Tyler Lockwood

I couldn’t pick Matt twice, so Tyler, I guess. He was selfish, a terrible boyfriend to both Caroline and also Liv later, and if I have to hear that boy whine about his fucking sire bond one more time I will literally throw my laptop off of a bridge.

UNDERHYPED CHARACTER: Lorenzo “Enzo” St. John

Honestly, he’s one of the one things that made the last few seasons of the show bearable. His delightful British rogue was a lovely way to fill the void that the Mikaelsons left in my heart, his devil-may-care attitude was man-made-manifest of what I was always thinking while watching the show, his BFF relationship with Damon and later Caroline was a joy to watch, and he was way too good for Bonnie.

OVERHYPED CHARACTER: Alaric Saltzman

He is marginally more bearable right now on Legacies, but he annoyed the shit out of me while he was on the first show. Does he hate vampires or is he best friends with them? Does he want to be a hunter or does he want to stay away from anything supernatural of any kind? Also, he (along with nearly everyone else) basically guilted Caroline into carrying his magical siphoner babies, which is a touch too icky for me…

SHIP YOU WOULD SELL YOUR SOUL FOR: Delena (Damon and Elena)

Could it be anyone else? I never shipped Stelena, as I found both Stefan annoying and Elena too woe-is-me while she was with him. She made Damon want to be a better person and he made her embrace who she really was, monster and all. They had a perfect balance between themselves, and it was a joy to watch. He got the girl, guys.

SHIP YOU JUST WERE’N THAT INTO: Steroline (Stefan and Caroline)

They were just too…meh. I was entirely uninterested in them, whatsoever, and isn’t that even worse than a ship that you hate? I used their scenes for a bathroom break or to get a snack, as I was guaranteed to miss nothing interesting or important while they were on screen.

CHARACTER YOU LOVE TO HATE/FAVORITE VILLAIN: Kai Parker

What does it say about me that all of my favorite characters are violent psychopaths…? I’m just going to leave that to be unpacked with the future therapists I’m bound to hire. Kai was the perfect evil. He was powerful, purposeful, and unapologetically demonic in the very best way. I could watch him terrorize my favorite characters forever and not get bored. Perfection.

FAVORITE STORYLINE: Stefan and Damon’s Brotherhood

If you don’t think this is what the show was about at it’s core, you’re wrong. They loved each other, they hated each other, they died for each other, they killed for each other, and, ultimately, they let nothing and nobody come between them. If you asked me who Damon loved more, Elena or Stefan, I COULD NOT answer you, and isn’t that just the fucking point?!

STORYLINE WE COULD’VE DONE WITHOUT: Magical Babies

I know that a major reason this was even a storyline is because Candice Accola got pregnant, but still…how? Like…she is a vampire..? She is unable to biologically change…? Like can someone grab me a biology textbook and explain how this a thing that can happen BIOLOGICALLY, please? I get that they are mythical creatures, so science doesn’t mean much here, but it just doesn’t make sense in any universe. Also, as I said above, the fact that Caroline was impregnated without her consent and then largely guilted into carrying the babies is a touch too rape-y for me…

BIGGEST PLOTHOLE: Do they go to school, or…?

Like, are they just compelling the teachers to not notice them not attending class like 90% off the time? Also, how do the people in Mystic Falls not know anything about the supernatural? Like, they aren’t subtle AT ALL so how do they keep sliding under the radar? Also, in a lesser way, how are hybrid witch/vampires a thing? Like, I thought if a witch dies (like they would have to if they become a vampire), they lose their magic…?Make it make sense, Julie!

MOST HEARTBREAKING MOMENT: Damon Dies (the first time)

Honestly one of the saddest moments in the entire series was Damon’s ghost watching Elena lose it when he doesn’t make it back from the Other Side. They were finally happy and together and they can only enjoy it for like five minutes before it goes to shit. Why, Julie??!

BIGGEST EYEROLL MOMENT: Magical Babies (again)

I try to not use something twice on this list but COME ON. This was ridiculous and I do not support this in any way. (Also this twin bullshit is still fucking annoying on Legacies, if anyone was wondering).

MOST SHOCKING MOMENT (any spit-takes?): Elena forces Kathrine to take The Cure

This was one of the moments that I literally gasped aloud. Most of the time the foreshadowing on these shows is seen from miles away, but I honestly did not see this coming at all. Also, Kathrine was basically the LAST person who wanted that cure so it’s crazy that she was the one to end up taking it and turning human.

MOST BADASS MOMENT: Kathrine kisses Damon at the end of Season 1

Like I said before, she is the original BAD BITCH of the show (not an actual Original, but you know what I mean…) and this was an amazing entry for the character who would be, largely, the villain of the series. It played on the feelings that Damon is developing for Elena, it finally introduced the person who started it all for the Salvatores, and it showed us exactly who she is at her core, and that she isn’t sorry about it at all.

SERIES FINALE SATISFACTORY LEVEL (use no words, just gifs):

OVERALL MARKS OUT OF TEN (10 being this show has changed your life for the better, you happily rewatch the series over and over, and the show has made your life better in some way. 1 being this show gave you nothing but trust issues, a stomach ulcer, and high blood pressure, and you honestly do not know why you did this to yourself)

7 out of 10.

I look back on The Vampire Diaries with the kind of fondness that only comes from a bizarre mix of nostalgia and incredulity. When scenes from this series show up on my instagram feed or on my Youtube recommended page, an involuntary smile creeps across my face without me realizing. I could do without like half of the characters and some entire seasons were completely unnecessary to watch, but it gave me some of my very favorite characters and ships, and spawned an entire universe that I still enjoy to this day. This magical, crazy, beautiful world was a joy to experience, even when it made me want to beat my head against a wall at least once per season.

If you want to see the other ones I have made, here's the original post with links. x Hope you like these! (I say to probably no one...)

15 notes · View notes

warwaged-archive · 4 years

Note

Katarina + heartbreak

Send me something to drabble about

The first man to break her heart never does it to her face.

It is no tale of romance, of love found and lost. Heartbreak first comes to her in the shape of a blade, crimson blood dripping through her fingertips from a wound that leaves scar much deeper than the obvious mark of failure etched upon her face. Katarina had been scarred before, a thousand times and more; those were marks of devotion, however, of dedication to shaping herself into something deadly and violent and strong and perfect. This one is different; this is shame and humiliation and the explicit message in words he never bothers to say.

You are no daughter of mine.

Not even worth his time, that he would take her life himself; all the General offers her is spite and a death sentence, a nameless assassin he had raised from the city slums to wound her pride, and it hurts unlike anything she had experienced. Katarina had bled before, by accident and on purpose; had felt the blood within her veins burn with poison that would have killed her had she taken the wrong dose. She was no stranger to broken bones and bruised skin; there was no building strength in a golden cage, and she had always been determined to be strong. Yet training endurance and crafting resistance of body and mind did awful little to prepare her heart, inconvenient thing that it had always been, determined to feel too much, too strongly. Emotions had led her astray in her mission, emotions devastated her as she faced the consequences of it; emotions threatened to ruin her, then, daggers clashing against the nameless assassin’s blades with vicious rage (willed forward by each sharp edge of a shattering heart).

Was a daughter worth so little in face of a name?

Was she nothing but a disposable weapon, to be thrown away upon first test and failure?

Her chest rises and falls with quick breath, anger overwhelming. There is no planning, no careful analysis of opponent, but she needs it not; what she needs is the violence in itself, each motion a product of a lifetime of training, each strike delivered with more strength than needed (it would tire her faster, but Katarina did not care; had she not been made to kill? Then kill she would, in bloodiest, most gruesome possible way, so there would be naught left of the nobody her father sent to end her life).

Her heart aches at that, screaming betrayal; and though instinct moves her as blade nearly guts the other where he stands, Katarina grows careless. She allows herself to get lost in what comes naturally -- the fight, lashing out as she is; the deadly dance of blades matched evenly by one equal to her in skill. In battle, some sort of soothing; it does not numb her to it but dulls violent outpour of emotion, enough so that when carelessness could have cost her life, she knows to acknowledge it is a deliberate withdraw on her would-be killer’s part.

There is silence between them, then, cut only by her quick breath; and though anger subdues, Katarina does not allow it to go away entirely. It is better than giving in to pain; and controlled, it allows her to clear head enough to decide what to do next.

“I failed my mission.” A statement, not a question; she has realized her mistake well before she had noticed the presence of the other assassin. Fingertip still upon her cheek, tracing the end of the wound he had given her; but green eyes do not move away from him, even though he had been first to sheathe blades. “I intend to make it right. I will kill my original target and pay for my mistake. You can stand in my way and die or let me do what I ought to have done already.”

Even as she speaks, chaotic feelings are kept just beneath the skin; he could have killed her. He had the chance, and chose not to. The other assassin did not seem older than she was; and by choosing not to kill her now, he had failed as she had.

She does not know what to make of that, though it seems not an act of pity. Mercy from a stranger, a nobody, a nameless assassin who sees her choice to atone as worthy enough he would submit himself to judgement for allowing her to leave; if her heart is in pieces, she feels the pieces shatter to dust. Mercy from a stranger, but not from one who had taught her everything, blood of her blood, mentor, father.

Perhaps it is what leads her to stay her own blades, rather than killing her would-be killer. Perhaps it is what drives her to ask for his name instead. “Before I go, I would have the name of the one he sent for me.”

“I have no name to offer you. My name never mattered.”

“It does now.” Why she was uncertain herself; but Katarina’s tone made it clear she would have an answer, something to call the blade her father had sent. The truth of it did not matter; there was nothing to be gained from that knowledge she could not have taken through violence then and there. It is important for her to know all the same; the nameless nobody had matched her in strength and skill, she who carried the name of one of Noxus’ old houses. They are worlds apart and not at all, children of the same land, mentored by same teacher.

It stings to know the other will not face punishment as she had, favor lost and name disgraced and life threatened, but Katarina knows it to be the truth.

This was never about her mission, or the Noxian lives she had caused to be lost. This was about a name, and one man’s pride, and though her chest still aches, there is bitter resignation at that. She had failed, yes, because he had failed in teaching her, sharpening her edges to best serve him when she should have been spilling blood not for the man, but for the nation.

“It matters to me.” She repeats when silence falls upon them once more, and finds it to be the truth. It matters not to the General who had brought them both then and there, to be as they were; of that she has no doubt either.

But she is not her father, and this is the moment when she chooses to never be.

“They called me Talon.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ruin inside is plainly mirrored in exterior by the time she walks towards her father once more.

Katarina needed not make it messy, true, but she wanted to. She could have slipped into the Demacian’s camp undetected, slit his throat in silence, returned clean and freed of the burden of a mission unaccomplished. Could have, but did not. Instead she allowed them to see her, slaughtering her way to her target; and when she reached him at last, his death had been neither quick nor painless, drenching her in blood as head was severed from body.

Katarina needed not make it messy, true, but she wanted to. She could have brought simpler proof of her kill, kneeling before her father and pleading forgiveness in face of her attempt to atone. Could have, but did not. Instead she walks in with righteous fury, confident even when torn apart, and throws the severed head at his feet, gaze sustaining his, even as eyes so alike her own offer her only disdain.

“I would have taken your head instead,” Something flickers in his eyes (perhaps wrongfully assuming this to be threat, announcement of what she would do next?), but she does not flinch. Violence solved everything; and blood had soothed her heartbreak enough it had since turned to deserved resent. Father had not been wholly wrong, however; she had, in expecting their ties to matter more than their mission. “but failure must have consequences.”

“And I have failed.” Sour enough to say it that the bitter taste stays upon her mouth, worsened by each subtle sign of a reaction he displays (barely there at all, but his is a familiar face, and too long she had hungered to see it show pride, learning each shift in order to avoid blatant disregard he now offers). But swell of disdainful pride does naught to smother her own, evenly matched; she is not her father, but blood is thick, and spite only makes her more spiteful. “Not you, but Noxus.”

One of her earliest memories is of being taught not to cry. You do not display your emotions for all to see, or they will know to use them against you. You do not show fear, and you do not show pain; if you are hurt, you endure it with strength and dignity. The assassin is the blade; you wound, and you do not weep. There had been nothing of comforting in his stern tone as he spoke, looming over her in a stance others may have taken to mean General instead of Father (they had always been the same to her). Her tears had dried as soon as she was able to force them back, nevertheless; she did not wish to disappoint him. She promised herself to be strong, and brave, and never cry again.

The memory seemed irrelevant, in spite of coming to her then, father and daughter staring down at one another in deathly silence. If he expects her to request forgiveness, Katarina never does; she merely slips into the shadows once more to take her leave, no permission requested.

Had her mistake not been enough, she had actively burned that bridge now. There would be no amends, now or ever; there would be nothing but constant reminder of scorn and failure, attempt after attempt to spite her --- to wound, not because he refused to show weakness but because he could, and whichever ties she had been foolish enough to presume, she had never been more than a tool in his vast arsenal.

Rain that pours outside washes away some of the blood; it barely hurts at all as water runs down the wound above her eye. Katarina does not seek shelter from it, in spite of blurred vision and stinging eyes; if she lies well enough to herself, she can almost believe it is just the rain.

#aen-consilium #The first thing that comes to my mind when people ask about characters and heartbreak nearly never is in a romantic sense #and with katarina I tried to think of something but honestly she just never experienced it bc she just never gets romantically involved #with anyone aksndfkajsndf #anyways do you ever think about how this happened after her /first/ mission which presumes she was pretty young #when her father c: decided c: she had to die c: because she didn't kill the target she had been told to kill c: c: c: c:#I'm not really happy with this but daksnfkajsdfn #here you have it #ty lully <3 #* general: answered / DARK WINGS DARK WORDS.#* muse: katarina du couteau / THE SINISTER BLADE.#* in character: katarina du couteau / A TAPESTRY OF SCARS.#* verse 001: katarina du couteau / EVERY WAKING MOMENT SPENT IN HONING HERSELF INTO THE ULTIMATE WEAPON.

7 notes · View notes

vampiregirl1797 · 4 years

Text

Hopeless: Chapter Eleven

Klaus Mikaelson x OC

GIF Not Mine

Click Here For Masterlist

‘I can’t believe the day is actually here.’ I murmured against his chest, enjoying the feel of him absent-mindedly caressing my bare back.

‘Neither can I, love.’

‘How do you feel?’ I asked, shifting so I could get a look at his expression.

‘Excited, determined, mournful.’ He said, his tone laced with sadness that I wasn’t expecting.

I shifted, bringing my hand to caress the side of his face, ‘don’t be sad, Klaus. You’ve been waiting to be released from your curse for nearly five hundred years. Be happy, be excited, but don’t be mournful.’

‘As much as I cannot wait to be free… I know that as soon as I am, I’m going to lose you.’ His eyes were full of unshed tears and the terrified look on his face went right to my heart.

‘Listen to me.’ I said, my voice determined, ‘you may be losing me now, but if I have my way, we will find each other again, Klaus.’ If he remembered me or not, I planned on seeking him out at least for a little while and making sure he was happy. My free hand went to my locket, where it rested around his neck, ‘and until then, you will always have a part of me with you.’

We shared a tender kiss. It only lasted a moment but the tingling didn’t fade when we pulled apart.

‘Thank you, Evangeline. Thank you for coming back and helping me, even if that wasn’t your intention when you came here. Thank you for reminding me what it’s like to feel. Thank you for accepting me for the way I am, despite what my future self did to you and your family. Thank you, for everything.’ He murmured, gently wiping away the tears that fell down my cheeks.

‘Why do I feel like you’re saying goodbye?’ I asked in a small voice.

‘Because I want to make sure you have a chance to hear what I need to tell you. I don’t know how today will go and I don’t know how soon you’ll be leaving after the ritual. I need you to hear this.’ His thumb moved back and forth comfortingly across my cheek and I couldn’t help but lean into his touch.

‘I want you to know, the future you return to will be the one you deserve. I plan on turning Katarina and compelling her to believe the original story, along with Trevor and Rose.’ He murmured, and I felt my expression transform into shock.

‘You plan to… what?’ I couldn’t believe it.

‘As far as Katarina, Trevor and Rose are going to be concerned, they will forget ever meeting you. Katarina will believe that she evaded the ritual, exactly the same way she did in your time. She will think she tricked Rose into turning her in order to be rendered useless to me, and Trevor will believe he helped her escape, while Rose will believe she was tricked by the doppelgänger. They will all flee from here and will continue to flee from me until I get word of Katarina in Mystic Falls. When I find out she has turned you, I will either kill her or release her from my compulsion.’ My mind was reeling as I listened to his plan. I felt equal parts impressed and guilty. I was impressed that he had come up with it, it honestly sounded pretty flawless to me. But I felt guilty that Katherine, Trevor and Rose would be running for the next half a millennia because of me.

‘Why? Why are you planning to do all of this?’ I looked up to him, my eyes pleading for the truth.

‘I told you; I’m planning on you returning to the future you deserve. The only way to assure that almost everything happens the way it did in your time is to put the compulsion in place. I assume Trevor and Rose will still die as they did before while Katarina will live. Stefan will save your sister from the crash, as Katherine will still go on to turn the Salvatore brothers. You will still become a vampire. The only difference is you won’t have me coming to town and sacrificing your sister or aunt.’ He was in love with me. I could see it in his eyes I, could feel it from his touch and I could hear it in the way he spoke.

‘What about word getting out that you have broken the curse?’ I murmured, leaning into his touch as he continued to caress my face.

‘Those present at the ritual tonight will be the only ones who know about it. The wolf and vampire will be sacrificed and as soon as the spell is complete, I will compel the witch to forget she ever cast the spell. I will also compel those I have on the side-lines if the result is me not needing them. The only ones who will know that I am a true Hybrid are you and Elijah.’ He said, his free hand stroking my hair, ‘and it will stay that way. As far as the supernatural community will be aware, I will still be looking for a doppelgänger, which will be Katarina’s motivation for coming to Mystic Falls.’

I lay back down on his chest, digesting the information he had given me, trying to calm the spinning wheels in my mind. I don’t know how long we were there for, but when I had fully processed everything, I couldn’t ignore my gratitude. The only way that this was possible was because of Klaus. He was doing this for me. He was turning Katarina, compelling her, lying about his curse… all so I would experience the future I’d originally set out to change. I didn’t think it was possible, but I felt myself fall a little bit more in love with him in that moment.

‘Klaus, I—thank you. For doing this for me, I know you didn’t have to, but thanks.’ I murmured, taking his hand in mine and entwining our fingers.

‘Of course, love.’ He kissed my hair, ‘now today, I’m going to be gone until sunset. I was hoping you could watch Katarina. I know I have Trevor compelled not to betray me and you assured me Elijah wouldn’t jeopardise the ritual, but I would feel more comfortable if you were the one to stay with her.’

‘I won’t let her out of my sight.’ I promised him, sitting up so that I could face him more fully.

‘I believe you.’ He smiled a half smile, making one of his dimples flash, ‘just before the sun sets, I need you to slip her this.’ He pulled out a vial filled with purple liquid from his bedside drawer and handed it to me, ‘it’s a powerful sleeping draught and it should make transferring her much easier. It’s also laced with my blood, so it’s important she ingests it.’

‘She will,’ I said, my voice sure.

‘I will come back to the house once the sun has completely set and before the moon has risen to its apex, which is when the spell will take place.’ He kissed my forehead and stood from the bed, moving around his room and getting dressed.

‘Everything will go according to plan, Klaus.’ I assured him, watching him change with my head resting on my knees.

‘I hope you’re right, love.’ He smiled; now ready to face the day. He came over to me and kissed me in a way that left me breathless before leaving the room to attend to the details that needed to be finalised for the ritual.

I lay back on the pillows with a sigh. As blissful as it had been to live in ignorance since Katherine arrived, her purpose couldn’t be ignored any longer. It was the day of the ritual and to say I was nervous was an understatement. Waking up in Klaus’ bed again this morning, a place I’d barely left it the past twenty-four hours, had kept my nerves on ice. Well at least until he had walked out of the door, now my fear, worry, excitement and anxiousness has all returned by force and I was freaking out. Mainly internally. As I took deep breaths, I kept reminding myself of everything Klaus had told me. He had a witch he trusted and a back up witch if that one betrayed him. He had two vampires and two werewolves guarded in two different locations. He had the moonstone on his person and promised he wouldn’t let it out of sight, Katherine was in the study—I could hear her reading aloud—and Trevor was with Klaus. Everything was going perfectly according to plan.

I took a deep breath as I walked down the stairs, trying to look less suspicious encase I accidentally projected my concerns onto Katherine. She was the last person we needed to be worried right now. I needed her to stay calm and completely ignorant to the hectic atmosphere that was festering around her. A part of me was on guard around her anyway, mainly because she was too calm, collected and reserved. I knew Katherine Pierce, her survival streak was stronger than Klaus’ strength and I wouldn’t be fooled by her blasé demeanour. I had a feeling that was why Klaus had asked me to watch her until the ritual rather than Trevor or Elijah; I wasn’t as easily led astray by a pretty face. I knew what she could really be like, what she had the potential to become, while Trevor and Elijah saw her as a weak damsel in distress that they would try and save if they were given the opportunity.

‘Good afternoon.’ I greeted Katherine, my tone as polite as I could manage.

‘Good afternoon, Lady Evangeline.’ She bowed her head slightly before she continued to read.

I took a seat on the free armchair and grabbed a random book off the table beside me. I assumed one of the brothers had accumulated the pile, my money was on Elijah. The book was written in a different language, but I opened it to the first page anyway, pretending to read while I was really watching Katherine from the corner of my eye.

‘Do you know where your brothers have gotten off to today?’ Katherine asked, clearly uncomfortable with the silence.

‘I’m afraid not. Whatever their plans are, they were very sudden, as I had no knowledge of a trip today. They must have decided in the early hours of this morning.’ I lied, proud that I sounded so convincing. Usually, I couldn’t lie to save my life, but I had a feeling my strong desire for this ritual to take place was inspiring me not to act suspicious.

‘I see.’ She pursed her lips, clearly unhappy with my answer.

‘Although I believe Niklaus mentioned looking for a diamond ring.’ I mentioned casually, hiding a smirk when her gaze shot up to mine.

‘A diamond ring? Really?’ the excitement in her voice was unmistakeable and I almost felt a little bad, but it was better to lead her far away from what was actually happening. I’d rather think I was getting engaged rather than sacrificed.

‘Yes. Though don’t tell anyone I told you. My brother would have my head,’ I said, trying not to cringe when calling Klaus my “brother”. It was all kinds of wrong.

‘I won’t. Thank you for telling me, Lady Evangeline.’ Katherine smiled and looked back down at her book, though it was clear she wasn’t really seeing it.

‘Of course.’ I sighed, glancing over to the ticking clock.

Xxx

I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of attacks or attempts to escape during the day. Though, I probably shouldn’t have been; this was what I came back to stop, so a peaceful day was assurance that everything was going to plan. By the time night fell, Katherine was looking a little drowsy, which might have had something to do with the sleeping draught I’d slipped her that Klaus had left behind. She hadn’t even flinched when she drank the spiked water and I wondered if she had even tasted it.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by a thud and looked over to Katherine to see her slumped over in her chair, the book she had been reading now on the floor. I went over to her, lifting her and lying her down on the couch. I busied myself as I waited for Klaus to arrive by clearing away the books that Katherine and I had gathered around the room throughout the day. I was starting to get anxious energy flowing through me; I was incredibly eager for the day to be over. I wanted, needed this to go well and time seemed to be taunting me by ticking by unbearably slowly.

‘What is that you’re humming?’ I jumped at the sound of Klaus’ voice. I span around from the bookcase I had been rearranging and came face to face with him, leaning against the door room, observing me with a curious glint in his eye.

‘I was humming?’ I frowned, smiling as he walked over to me, taking my hands in his own.

‘You were,’ he bought me close and I couldn’t help but inhale deeply as my head rested against his chest. My eyes fluttered shut when he began humming a very familiar tune and I felt myself relax all the way down to my bones.

‘La Vie En Rose’ I murmured, wondering when we had started dancing, ‘I heard the song when I was a little girl and I fell in love with it immediately. For whatever reason it’s always made me want to go to Paris.’ I smiled softly, memories of the first time I heard the song washing over me.

‘I’m not familiar with it yet, but I know that when I hear it, I’ll think of you.’ He said, his breath tickling the skin of my neck.

When he takes me in his arms

He speaks to me in a very low voice,

I see life as if it were rose-tinted.

‘Me too.’ My arms tightened around him and I inhaled again, desperately trying to commit his scent, his touch to memory, and not wanting to let him, or this moment, go.

Xxx.

I stood at the edge of the forest and watched with Elijah. We were both tasked with making sure that no one came to disrupt the ritual and honestly I was almost hoping that someone would so that I could dispose of some of the nervous energy that was bouncing around inside of me. Klaus had just killed the werewolf and the vampire and now he was waiting for the signal to kill Katherine. She had woken up not long ago and was very confused as to what was happening; the bodies around her weren’t helping keep her calm but at the same time she couldn’t acknowledge she was about to be used in a ritual because she had been compelled to ignore anything to do with a ritual and sacrifice.

Thankfully, she hadn’t been very chatty or otherwise I think I would have had a problem with keeping Elijah from interfering; he was making a point of not looking in her direction. I hated the bitch, but I couldn’t imagine how hard this must have been for him.

‘Now.’ The calm voice of Klaus’ witch echoed across the clearing and the soon to be hybrid made his way over to the doppelgänger. He ignored Katherine when she tried to flinch away from him and pulled her to stand, easily bringing her over to the alter.

I’ll admit, I had to look away when he started to drain her, the fact that she was essentially my sisters twin was too much, making a small part of me itch to interfere. But I simply reminded myself of the reality of the situation and I settled; I even managed to look back over to see her drop to the ground, dead. Elijah quickly swooped in, gathered her body and handed her to me. Elijah didn’t know that Katherine was going to come back, something I was sure Klaus would fill him in on soon enough. But I was a little concerned over how I was going to react—if Elijah didn’t want to go along with it, it would all go to hell.

I offered the elder Mikaelson what I hoped was a comforting smile as I took the dead doppelgänger back to the house, where she would stay until she woke up. I was tasked with looking after her because Elijah needed to follow Klaus around and clear up any messes he made in his wolf form. It was much more dangerous for me to be around Klaus while he was transitioned; the chances are that he wouldn’t recognise me and if he bit me I would be screwed if Klaus didn’t turn back before the poison killed me.

I sighed, both relieved and frustrated when I made it back to the house. I was happy the ritual had actually been successful—Klaus was a hybrid now. I was irritated that I was once again tasked with waiting. I placed her in the same room she had been staying—if we were lucky she would think the whole thing was a dream. But that was unlikely seeing as all of the compulsion that had been placed on her will have broken with her death. She was going to remember everything, at least for a little while. I just needed to make sure she didn’t leave before Klaus got back so he could alter her memories.

The sun was rising when I heard Klaus and Elijah return. I felt my face break into a smile at the happiness I could hear in the hybrid’s voice.

‘It was incredible Elijah, I’ve never felt so free, so at peace.’ It sounded as though he was making his way upstairs. I wondered if it was so he could change or so he could see Katherine and I.

‘I’m glad we were finally able to break your curse brother.’ I could hear the smile in the elder Mikaelson’s voice. It was nice to see and hear them acting like brothers.

A groan from the bed gained my attention and I saw that Katherine was waking up, again. She had been waking up on and off all night—I had already fed her some human blood so her transition was complete. I also might have been snapping her neck on and off since then so that I could assure she didn’t have the time to escape.

‘What is happening?’ she muttered and I grinned in amusement when I noticed her English accent was absent. She looked over to me and the fear in her expression was clear, ‘stay away from me.’

I rolled my eyes, in amusement and annoyance but my attention was once again interrupted as the bedroom door swung open, revealing Klaus with a huge smile on his face. But before either of us could say anything, Katherine’s voice drew my gaze to her.

‘Please, just let me go.’ She whimpered, inching further and further up the bed until her back was against the headboard.

I looked over to Klaus to see him rolling his eyes and before I could blink he was next to the doppelgänger, leaning over to compel her.

‘You will not remember taking part in the ritual, instead you will believe that you found out about it when you were still human and you ran after taking the moonstone. Trevor helped you escape and told you to go to his home in the forest, where you met his sister, Rose. She was planning to bring you back when night fell but you didn’t want to, so you stabbed yourself, when she healed you with her blood you killed yourself in order to become a vampire and thus useless in the ritual. After you completed the transition, you ran from Rose and Trevor and you will continue running as you will believe you have betrayed Elijah and I. You will not remember ever meeting Evangeline either. This compulsion will remain in place until I myself take it away. Do you understand?’

‘I understand,’ She answered robotically and when she had recovered, Nik quickly snapped her neck.

‘When she wakes we will be long gone and the compulsion will take place. I’ve already compelled Rose and Trevor. They are getting ready to run as soon as the sun sets.’ He answered the silent question in my eyes.

‘How do you feel?’ I asked him before I started to step towards him; my hands gripped his forearms as I looked up into his warm blue eyes.

‘Free.’ He answered with a grin that made my un-dead heart skip a beat.

‘I can’t believe we actually did it.’ I breathed, my forehead resting against his shoulder and my hands around his waist.

‘Neither can I,’ he whispered, his hands caressing my waist, ‘I’ve waited for this moment for nearly five hundred years, and while a part of me is consumed with joy, the other part almost wishes we hadn’t been successful.’

I moved back to look him in the eye and I felt my eyes tear over at the despair in his gaze. I bought a hand up to caress the side of his face, and when he leaned into my touch, I smiled softly.

‘Don’t regret this because of me, Klaus, you’ve wanted this for five centuries and you deserve to be free.’ I told him, keeping my voice low because I was afraid it would crack with emotion, ‘I’m happy for you, but I wish I didn’t have to go now.’

He sighed deeply, resting his forehead against mine and closing his eyes.

‘How do you return to your time?’ he asked, but I had a feeling that wasn’t what he really wanted to say, ‘do you need a witch?’

‘No…I need to die.’ I admitted, biting my lip when his eyes snapped open in disbelief.

‘What?’ he demanded, his grip tightening on my waist as if he were about to refuse to let me go.

‘Bonnie told me that in order to return I’d have to die. I was planning on taking my daylight ring off and—,’ he cut me off with a furious look.

‘What if it doesn’t work? What if you stay dead?’ He said, releasing me to pace back and forth, a hand running though his hair.

‘I trust Bonnie, she’s like a sister to me and she assured me that I wouldn’t stay dead.’ I told him softly, knowing that he was clearly struggling right now.

‘Love—,’ he stopped abruptly and turned to face me, but before he could speak I flashed in front of him, taking his hands in mine.

‘Trust me, Klaus; I wouldn’t even consider doing this if I thought I would stay dead. I trust Bonnie and I trust that this is the way to send me back to my time.’ I said, imploring him to listen to me.

I could see the emotions swirling behind his gaze; he was reluctant, scared, angry, but I could see the emotion that won out: trust. He did trust me, despite the drastic measures that were needed to get me home. I couldn’t blame him for being reluctant—I would have been the same way.

‘Alright, love. But if you do stay dead and I don’t get a word of you in the future, I’m going to find and kill the witch.’ He said, the promise in his voice made me smile and roll my eyes.

‘I believe you.’ I kissed his cheek and looked over to Katherine with a sigh, ‘we should do it now, if you want to be gone before she wakes up.’

‘Evangeline,’ he waited until I met his gaze again and I was overtaken by the emotion I saw in his gorgeous blue eyes, ‘I love you.’

I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly at first, but the adoration in his gaze couldn’t be mistaken. I had suspected he loved me, but hearing him say it was something else, something I didn’t think would ever happen. I felt my expression soften and I leaned forward and captured his lips with mine. The kiss was full of passion, love and reluctance to let each other go.

When I did pull back, it was with great difficulty, and my forehead remained against his as I whispered, ‘I love you too.’

His eyes lit up with happiness that made my heart warm and my eyes fill with tears—I felt selfish. How could I do this to him? I came into his life, helped him break the curse, we unwittingly fell in love with each other and now I was leaving him, making him live without me for five hundred years. But I brushed the emotion away; I still couldn’t believe that he would still want me when I returned to my time. It was my own insecurity—Klaus was afraid of being alone, but I was used to being forgotten and I was finding it hard to believe that this time would be any different.

His lips captured mine again and this time, he was the one to pull away, his hands coming to caress each side of my face and his eyes staring at me as if he were trying to commit me to memory. After what felt like hours, we reluctantly made our way outside, but before we exited the house, I pulled Klaus to a stop.

‘I don’t want you to watch me die.’ I murmured, squeezing his hand gently.

‘I’m not leaving you, love.’ He said, his voice firm.

‘I don’t want your last memory of me to be me going up in flames in front of you.’ I said, my own voice thick with determination, ‘I want you to remember me like this, happy to be with you, happy for you to be free, happy to be in love with you.’

His eyes filled with tears again, and when one fell down his cheek, I kissed it away, winding my arms around his neck and kissing him gentler then I ever had.

‘Forgive me,’ I murmured when I pulled away and I snapped his neck in one swift movement, a pained gasp escaping my lips when his body crumpled and fell to the floor. I carried him over to the living room and lay him on the sofa. I focused my hearing and knew Katherine wasn’t awake yet, and Elijah didn’t seem to be around either, but I assumed he was compelling the “extras” Klaus had got for the ritual.

My gaze returned to Klaus and I smiled softly as I brushed his hair away from my face. Despite having his neck snapped after, his age would assure that he recovered faster than the doppelgänger and would be able to leave before her. After placing a kiss to his forehead I forced myself to leave him and stop lingering. With one last glance at Klaus I took off my daylight ring and placed it into his hand.

I took a deep breath and flashed out into the morning sun, allowing the flames to consume me.

#klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson imagine #Klaus Mikaelson x OC #the originals #the vampire diaries

28 notes · View notes

kiss-my-freckle · 4 years

Text

The writers were purposeful in their direction. You have the woman from Paris bleeding Red, then hitting Dom’s house to recover. Then Dom getting shot.

Cooper: You have Reddington? Ressler:Yeah. Been through hell, but he’s okay. Better than Rostova. Cooper: Katarina? Ressler: No. Dominic. Her father, Keen’s grandfather.

The woman from Paris can’t tell Liz that Katarina stole the Archive because she’s now playing the role of Liz’s mother, so she names N-13. Then she gender-switches so that Liz will interrogate Dom as she originally intended before Liz and Ressler stopped her. Little does she know, she just handed herself the answer to Red’s identity. So you basically reverse this.

Cooper: You have Dominic? Ressler: Yeah. Been through hell, but he’s okay. Better than Rostova. Cooper: Katarina? Ressler: No. Reddington. His ...

Then what you’re left with, is Liz witnessing either Red or the woman from Paris getting shot at the bench. I believe it’ll be the woman from Paris because Red ends up in the hospital in 8x3, and I think that will be for Marvin’s wine. But if I were to guess, Ressler will learn Red is Katarina by the end of 8x2. Push this to the other dialogues that push Ressler to open Liz’s Freelancer DNA report.

Ressler: She's gonna torture him. Bleed him like she bled Reddington.

Ressler: She did try to kill you, remember? Hung you up like a Holstein.

Woman: 6,000 milliliters. That’s how much blood an adult male of your size has in his body. It’s a little more than a gallon of milk.

Ressler: I don’t understand. The letter was sent to a woman.

MJ: But if - and this is a big if - if Rostova didn’t die, if she knew people were coming for her - Ressler: She’d be the one to protect her parents.

Ressler: So they could track him. Why? Where Where did they think he was gonna go? Liz: My grandfather’s house.

Ressler already had his shock moment with the pastor in Hayes’ episode.

Ressler: Hello. Now, who’s this? Pastor Darvis: This is my child. Luke. Ressler: All this to hide an unwanted pregnancy? Who’s the mother? Pastor Darvis: There is no mother. I gave birth to Luke myself. How you doing, son?

So it should be Ressler/Red on the opposite side of Liz/Red in 4x22.

“What was so awful that you withheld the answer to a question I’ve been wondering my entire life? Were you afraid I’d turn out like you? ‘Cause guess what? I am like you. All those times you asked me to think like a criminal, was it a test to see how naturally it came to me? Because it did come naturally. And that terrifies me.”

Moreso now until they find out about her second memory wipe.

“Yes, I’m terrified. I’m angry. I’m angry at you, at who I am, at the fact that I want to help you despite everything you’ve done to me and to yourself. But anger and fear and a certain amount of hatred are all normal in a family. And that’s what we are. And I’m not gonna walk away from that.” And because she did walk away.

Red: Sins should be buried like the dead. Not that they may be forgotten, but that we may remember them and find our way forward nonetheless. I hope this will help you do just that.

Red: I’m sure it’s been difficult since Tom. But you have Agnes now. You should be looking forward, not back.You deserve a bigger life.

This should then push to Red’s dialogues.

Liz: You know, you were right when you recently told me that, um, it’s been difficult since Tom, but that I have Agnes, and I should be looking forward and not back. Red: And that you deserve a bigger life. Liz: I agree. I do. But so do you. Red: I don’t know how to do that. Liz: That makes two of us. Agnes: Mommy, where are you?

Liz’s is for Agnes. Keenler baby. Because Red can trust Ressler.

#Rederina

1 note · View note

cathygeha · 4 years

Photo

REVIEW

Reed by Donna McDonald

Nano Wolves #4

Stepping back into the world of shapeshifters and mad scientists was a fun treat for me today. In this time of pandemic, lock-down, and wondering what the future holds in store it was fun to escape into a paranormal romance. The fact that there is a happily ever after for Reed and Katarina made it all the better.

What I liked:

* Katarina: strong, feisty, Russian alpha female wolf shapeshifter with a rare sense of humor, strength of her convictions and a personality that I loved.

* Reed: four times the age of Katarina and feeling every year he has lived he is a man that is old but in a young body and…he is definitely interested in Katarina.

* Yana: intriguing sister of Katarina…wonder if she will get a book of her own

* Steward, Kent & Aggie: changed through science experiments but closer than blood siblings these three are more than their age might indicate and very smart. I enjoyed getting to know Steward better and wonder if the three might show up in future books in the series

* Getting to see the characters from previous books in this series

* Wondering if there will be more books in this series and if so who might star in them

* That good prevailed over evil

* The epilogue…and wondering how everything would work out in the future

What I didn’t like:

* Katarina’s wicked father

* The evil scientists

* The shifters that sold their kind to scientists

* Not knowing whether or not there will be more books in the series

Did I enjoy this book? Yes

Would I read more in this series? Yes

Would I recommend reading previous books in this series? Yes

Thank you to the author for the ARC – This is my honest review

4-5 Stars

BLURB

Reed’s time as Alpha of his pack should be over.

Didn’t a six-hundred-year-old wolf deserve to retire? But life doesn’t always work out the way a wolf wants. Some mad scientist used him and his potent werewolf blood to turn three human females. Now he has two packs instead of one, but none among them are stepping up to take his place.

Too many secrets among his children have all but destroyed his original family. Now with the deaths of both his Alpha descendants haunting the pack, there's no one left in his gene pool to lead. Duty and a healthy fear of the agencies his grandson Travis told about the pack requires that Reed lead them until a new alpha can be found, no matter how much he wishes otherwise.

While Ariel's nanotechnology blood transfusion returned some of his physical youth, science did not change his mental age or negate the weariness he feels in his very bones. The only bright spot is the Russian werewolf. Katarina Volkov is so full of fire—so full of herself. The touchy female wolf makes him feel things he hasn’t felt in years. Too bad he isn’t free to enjoy her.

#Donna McDonald #Nano Wolves 4 #Paranormal Romance #shapeshifter romance #Romance #Fiction

1 note · View note

almdragonrend · 2 months

Text

I found another old conversation I had, here it is, but I warn you, it's long...

! Yes another reaction! Im really happy we getting more of it!

But please remember OG Katarina's Good deed's not only the Bad ones

And please PLEASE for the Love of Akatosh don't trie to justify Katarina's Exile as if it was anything but in act of complete and crulety!

I have nothing more to say and hope to read more soon

StrangerWager on Chapter 1Sat 01 Oct 2022 02:00PM CEST

As a person who haven't read much of the manga nor the Light Novels, and only with prior knowledge from the anime, I have zero clue of what was OG Katarina's deeds that were not bad. I would appreciate it if I were to be enlightened with some of these facts I do not know about.

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Sat 01 Oct 2022 02:24PM CEST

Okay thank you for asking ^_^ i'd love tell you !

First of when Katarina was younger Baron sherry came to house Claes to force Anne in to a Forced Marriage that played out In OG Fl

The same way it did in they Anime,what you may not know is that the Mann he tried to marry her of to was already above 60 years! And known for committing Domestic Violence on his previous Wifes,So little OG Katarina stood up to protect her lowly Maid who is nothing more than a Commoner point from a grown ass scary looking Adult,

She also never bullyd Sophia despite the rest of Sociar Nobility Children doing it

She even told her own grown clique to leave Sophia alone as she was the little sister of her fiances best friend

Which is more than Geordo ever did for the Ascards,

She encouraged Sianna Nelson daughter of the lowest ranked Noble family in all of Sociar after seeing her hard work

And Sianna became Katarina's best friend despite being just one single step about a Commoner in her status

Which shows that even OG Katarina cared more about a persons personality than status when choosing friends

She only gets on trial in the routes were Maria tries it with either Katarina's Fiance or adopted Brother or both

And that with the Alan was just a miss translation when the Harem route was meant

Ps:I hope this was helpfull,please tell me ^_^

Last Edited Sat 01 Oct 2022 02:27PM CEST

StrangerWager on Chapter 1Sat 01 Oct 2022 02:37PM CEST

You have my deepest gratitude. Thank you for the new found knowledge that shall be used for this work.

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Sat 01 Oct 2022 02:43PM CEST

Im the one who should thank you for giving me the opportunity to explain ^-^

But there is also something else...

It's just a rumor so i didn't include it in my explanation,

Do you wanna hear it ?

StrangerWager on Chapter 1Sat 01 Oct 2022 02:44PM CEST

By all means go ahead, I'll fact check it along the way.

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Sat 01 Oct 2022 02:57PM CEST

Thank you ^_^!

Well there actually two rumours

First of,apparently no matter which route you choose Maria's actuall first crush was Katarina even in the FL time line

Second the more obvious Katarina only behaved the way she did in the Game because of Raphael/Sirius dark magic

Please let me know what you think or know about that ^_^!

Thank you ^_^!

Well there actually two rumours

First of,apparently no matter which route you choose Maria's actuall first crush was Katarina even in the FL time line

Second the more obvious Katarina only behaved the way she did in the Game because of Raphael/Sirius dark magic

Please let me know what you think or know about that ^_^!

StrangerWager on Chapter 1Sat 01 Oct 2022 03:29PM CEST

Well, that certainly is something, I'll still see if whether or not this may be used or not.

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Sat 01 Oct 2022 03:32PM CEST

Thank you ^_^!

Im already hiped for the next chapter ^_^!

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Sun 02 Oct 2022 12:57PM CEST

Hold it... the dark magic thing makes too much sense.

Since OG Katarina's exagerated actions towards OG Maria were out of character for her if what you said is true.

It would also explain why an trained swordsman like OG Geordo would Kill OG Katarina instead of disarming her despite being (probably) skilled enough for it...

OG Keith magic going crazy is more easily believable.

So...everything bad that happened with OG Katarina can be traced back to Sirius (well...traced to the mage whispering in his ear but still).

I already have great sympathy for both OG Katarina and OG Maria.

if both rumours are true that scaled even higher...

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Sun 02 Oct 2022 02:46PM CEST

Yea i used to hate OG Maria,ans she certainly is a coward but...

After hearing about it i most say it turned the whole thing in an even greater tragedy...

Can you imagen your first love being killed for being mean to you...?

Also Katarina only tries to kill OG Maria in the Bad ending

Meaning she is already sentenced to Exile = death for a spoiled Duke Daughter

Meaning even Dark Magic can only bring Katarina to kill Maria if Maria has already become the catalyst for her own demise not before....

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Sun 02 Oct 2022 03:50PM CEST

I think dark magic was involved from the beginning.

OG Katarina being mad at OG Maria in Geordo's route makes sense ( and it's completly fair), but it makes little sense in the Keith's route.

OG Katarina disliked OG Keith and OG Maria wasn't the first woman he courted, so it still is out of character for her.

And the Exile ending has Keith/Geordo print all over it, because they both disliked OG Katarina and i have a hard time beliving OG Maria resented Katarina's treatment.

Also i would not go as far as to call OG Maria a coward, after her magic manifested she had no positive human interaction at all...

The people of her village avoided because of her magic, her supposed existence because of an affair or both.

Her father left and her mother couldn't even look at her in the eye.

So she had a combo of critically low self esteem and affection starved.

Also the only routes that OG Maria was in the wrong in my opinion are Geordo and Alan (since both are betrothed to another)

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Sun 02 Oct 2022 06:28PM CEST

That is really worth a tought,

Bout if the s the One she "actually loves" is Katarina is truth?

Id asks alot of questions

Like maybe she got only on with Keith/Geordo because of their connection to Katarina?

Also Maria is suposed to "see" dark magic

Something is of here....

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Sun 02 Oct 2022 10:42PM CEST

Since the choice is player based we can only speculate.

About the 'see dark magic thing', Fortune lover is a video game and Raphael/Sirius is an hidden capture target.

I don't know how the route is unlocked, but if it's supposed to be hidden maybe OG Maria needed to unlock a certan skill level or achieve something that allowed her to see dark magic.

If it was that obvious it would be a pretty on the nose hidden route for a video game.

My theory is that OG Maria 'persuit' of the capture targets was more on her need to have an good human connection (aka out of loneliness and desperation).

So i assume the hidden route would apear when she achieved enough self confidence/resolve to do so.

I don't see the OG Maria that would hide behind a capture target as having that conviction.

The Isekai Maria on the other hand confronted Sirius alone by her own will power (Bakarina's kindess gave her the confidence boost) and that Maria is the one that we are sure can see dark magic.

Because of that i belive that OG Maria needed to make the other capture targets lives and selves better without losing to her loneliness, then she would be able to truly help Raphael. (but that is just my theory)

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Sun 02 Oct 2022 11:08PM CEST

Also, since we are sharing theories.

Three things that always made me scratch my head:

- All routes have a single rival (except Katarina that apears in two)

- All routes rivals share their element with the capture target (except Katarina[earth] in Geordo[fire] route)

- In 'Verge of destruction' another rival apears and is interested in Geordo and acts like what one would expect from a villainess (Noelia[fire])

I have a theory for that (again i treat Fortune Lover as a video game)

I think in the test/beta version of the game Katarina is the rival in Keith's route and Noelia is the rival in Geordo's route.

But since Katarina would be the sister rival it would overlap in base concept with Sophia and Nicol, and the somewhat similar stage presence of Villain Katarina and Villain Noelia would create another redundancy,

so i assume the developers scrapped Noelia as an character and transfered some of her dialogue to Katarina.

Noelia doesn't apear in the Base isekai because Bakarina apeared before the game started, but she apears in the Verge of destruction because the game already started and Bakarina's apearance glitched the game back to the Beta because it needed someone in the Villain role.

Just a theory

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Sun 02 Oct 2022 11:31PM CEST

Might be

But That stitl dosen't explain the "Katarina = first love"part

Also i highly doubt That anyone but Katarina can give Maria the necessary confidence

Than again its sometimes suggested That someone Isekaid from Sociar to Katarina's RL

And their maid FL....

BUT Please Explain What do you Think about the Katarina part?

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Mon 03 Oct 2022 02:06AM CEST

That is a difficult question, but i will do my best.

Warning it will be a long comment...

Lets start with a simple but complicated question: what makes people fall in love?

- Do they treat you different form everyone else?

- Do you admire something about them?

- Do you just enjoy their company more then usual?

- Do you share a connection with them?

- Do they complete you in a significant whay?

With those questions in mind:

- OG katarina kinda fits on the first, others where moved by envy, self importance or self steem issues , Katarina might have seen OG Maria as a threat to her future, so she was the first to take her seriously and more than just a cute face with undeserved magic.

- That is easy to answer, OG Katarina AND Bakarina are so unapologetic themselves that someone like Maria that works hard to be accepted can admire they carring their hearts on their sleeve.

- That is a hard NO, i fear.

- They have the contrast connetion, Katarina is a proud high rank noble, but has weak magic and worse academics, Maria is a shy humble commoner, but has a rare and powerful magic and excells academically, in short they don't fit exacly in their expected envioment.

- Again OG Katarina and Bakarina have the confidance that Maria lacks, they are proud of themselves despite many believing that outside of their title there is very little to be proud of, Maria has a lot of skills and despite having them she still does't fell that is enough.

Or Maria would fall in love for no reason a all, love is weird.

That wall of text tries to explain why OG Maria would fall for OG Katarina.

But now as to why OG Katarina was the first:

All capture targets didn't take OG Maria seriously, they were dismissive ( Geordo[the see everything grey 'perfect' prince], Nicol[way to focused on his sister], Alan[self steem issues]) or saw her as another petty face (Keith[the flirty playboy]), OG katarina took her seriously, BAD seriously but still.

Because they took longer to open up to OG Maria, any points that require them showing their stories delayed the love route, BUT OG Katarina basically roars what she is about with little regard for anything.

On the begining the "enjoy company" part is on the negative for everyone (including OG katarina) so no point for anyone

Again BOTH OG Katarina and Bakarina are open books, aka easier to understand and relate than the others.

Put all that with OG Maria's unhealty lack of human affection...it's possible.

TL,DR: i belive that is possible that OG Katarina would be OG Maria first crush, not a very healty one but still.

Does that answer the question in a decent way?

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Mon 03 Oct 2022 10:14AM CEST

Yes it dose answer it,

But,if we assume just for moment That it is a fact rather than theory

How exactly would That make you feel emotionally?

And how do you thing OG Maria was feeling about it after everything was sad and done ?

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Mon 03 Oct 2022 09:09PM CEST

Hmm...

There are two Capture targets (Geordo and Keith) and two Endings (Exile and Death)

I will answer both questions depending on the combinations.

-Exile(General)

Disapointed in OG Maria, she doesn't look like the kind of person that would want OG Katarina exiled(or even resent her for that matter), but probably let it go because either she was convinced by her current lover or didn't want to risk put her current situation at risk, but i really belive she will feel guilty(specially in Geordo's route) and really worried for Katarina.

Very Worried/sad for OG Katarina, she got her life ruined and now has to survive in a place she doen't know, since she is a spoiled noble that cant end well. As a bonus, if there was dark magic, it wasn't even her fault at all.

-Exile(Keith)

Angry at OG Keith, while he had fair reasons to hate OG Katarina, saying he went overboard is an undestatment, since he actually had worse before the Claes took him in. And OG Katarina probaly treated him bad because she saw him as proof of her father's infidelity and causing indirect pain to her mother( both undestandable since she was 8 and i belive her mother encoraged her to it).

IF dark magic gave him a push then i feel kinda bad for him too.

-Exile(Geordo)

JUMP OFF A CLIFF, OG Geordo is implied to have little to no care to anyone until OG Maria apeared, aka he used OG Katarina as a tool and i belive that her exile in this case was more to break the engagement without a hit on his reputation and not because of her treatment of OG Maria(because again i dont think Maria would want this).

Even if there was dark magic, he was using and manipulating OG Katarina before any interaction with Sirius, so i repeat...JUMP OFF A CLIFF.

-Death(general)

Feel really bad for OG Maria, she was alone for most of her life, found a first love in OG Katarina that despised her (fairly in Geordo's route), saw said first love DIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER by the hands of her present love after the former tried to KILL HER, so she will blame HERSELF for Katarina's death, and now her present lover goes in a self imposed exile leaving her totally ALONE AGAIN.

(put that girl on suicide watch, therapy of both geez)

As a bonus (since the murderer left) she will have to endure the repercutions of the nobility alone.

Do i even need to explain OG Katarina...poor girl watched her life being ruined little by little, tried to kill the reason her life was ruined(in her eyes) and said murder atempt wasn't really her choice (dark magic) and then DIED FOR IT. Hope she finds peace...

Death(Keith)

Conflicted between furious and sad for OG Keith, if my memory serves right OG Katarina was killed because he lost control (maybe had dark magic involved) when trying to protect OG Maria.

Dude was tortured in his original home, got a new one where the mother and the older sister didn't treat him well and now he killed his sister and he didn't even mean it. Now he leaves the only one that actually treated him well out of guilt (kinda a dick move on Keith's part but still)

Death(Geordo)

do i even need to go in detail...

Be honest Geordo, you wanted Katarina gone, just not like that because it would reflect bad on you, are you leaving out of guilt or because you are fleeing the consequences.

As a bonus you are leaving Maria behind to deal with the repercution of YOUR actions.

Forget the cliff...JUMP ON A VOLCANO

I guess my opinion in OG Geordo is showing...

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Mon 03 Oct 2022 09:25PM CEST

That is a very good analysis

And that was what I love,it sounds exactly how I think they would feel,

And yea poor OG Katarina

She really is a good girl at the core

Couldn't blame OG Maria for falling for the Girl

If OG Maria ever becomes so powerful in light Magic that she could see all 3 timeliness from her own Birth to 100 after in one moment, how would she feel about it than ?

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Mon 03 Oct 2022 09:38PM CEST

What do you mean?

OG Maria when?

Before the academy, before the endings or after the endings?

What do you mean?

OG Maria when?

Before the academy, before the endings or after the endings?

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Mon 03 Oct 2022 09:44PM CEST

Both,

I really liked to here you thoughts about how she'd feel looking both forward and backward

As i like to talk about such things,

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Mon 03 Oct 2022 10:28PM CEST

What the hell...i will do them all ( i think there are 4 timelines)

Before the academy

- Maria would be horrified to see what would happen because of her. But also would know both Keith and Katarina need her help.

She maybe would try to at least clear the air about Keith being Katarina's half brother, then Katarina could apologise, and Maria would try to protect Katarina from Geordo (poor girl needs it) i don't know if katarina would listen to her. I don't see this Maria going for Geordo, she maybe would try her luck with Keith, Katarina or both.

One detail Maria lacks confidence to do it, but she both cares about them and feels like she owes it to them to do her best, and Maria is a hard worker.

Before the endings(Keith's route)

- This time she would try her hardest to convince Keith to leave Katarina alone, or at least not insist on the exile. And would still try to save Katarina from Geordo. I don't see her relationship with Keith being afected in a meanfull way, but i am not sure if she will try to become friends with Katarina, both because she knows Katarina deslikes her now and because she feels like she does't deserve to become katarina's friend.

Before the ending(Geordo's route)

- Again would try to save Katarina, but this time i dont think she herself would feel save around someone like Geordo, even if he does care about her, not sure if the relationship would end but she would be weary of him at least, maybe even try to hold him back on his more malicous tactics to protect others from him.

After the ending(Keith's route - Exile)

- She would try to convince Keith to help her find Katarina or go herself, to at least see if she is ok and if not would assist her even if Katarina refused. Maria would be sad if Keith didn't try to help his sister, but she would understand (and would help Katarina alone)

After the ending (Geordo's route - Exile)

- Again would try to find Katarina, Geordo hardly would help and more so to apease Maria. This has a high chance to put a strain in their relationship. Since this Maria now knows that Geordo didn't gave Katarina the respect she deserved, and now sees a side of the prince she doesn't like.

After the ending (Keith's route - Death)

- Maria would be in a bad place,with extreme guilt and alone, but she would try to find Keith because she knows he is also in a bad place and she feels like she owes to at least stop him from doing something stupid, someone died because of her, she won't let another.

After the ending (Geordo's route - Death)

- By far the worst case for Maria's mental health, Katarina died because of her, and all because she fell for a man that didn't really deserve it.

This Maria has little to fight for now for and needs urgent therapy.

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Tue 04 Oct 2022 10:33PM CEST

Good analysis 👍

But I would have liked it more if you had gone more in to how Maria would have feeld about her possible relationship with Katarina in the other timeliness

And yes BURN IN HELL OG Geordo YOU DESPICABLE DISAPPOINTMENT OF A HUMAN BEING AND WASTED MATRIAL OF THE FLAME OF LIFE!!!!!!!

And yes I clearly can se that Maria would try to rescue Katarina and Winn her over no matter the cost...

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Thu 06 Oct 2022 12:18AM CEST

Oh...my bad, i assumed you meant the game timelines.

Assuming the other timeline was the isekai one.

General

Maria would be confused with some key differences between Bakarina and OG Katarina.

Before the academy and before the Exile endings.

She would try harder to save/befriend OG Katarina because she now knows a more friendly and kind person is in there (since i belive OG Katarina and Bakarina ARE the same person just raised differently and in different envioments)

Still would help OG Keith and maybe score both.

OG Geordo will get some help from her in this case, because now she knows a the is a version of Geordo that can be better person.(Still don't think she would end up with him though)

The biggest impacts (emotionaly wise) would be in the death's endings.

OG Maria would feel even worse than in my other analysis.

In Keith's route - i am not sure if she would try to help OG Keith in his exile here because now she knows she took all the wrong choices and maybe she is now too terrified to make things even worse.

In Geordo's route - This somehow is worse than the previous one. Because now she knows:

1 - OG Katarina was an extremely kind person inside and had things been different would be an amazing friend or maybe more (and died because of her bad choices).

2 - OG Geordo HAD a possibility of becoming a better person and he got worse (again her choices didn't help there)

3 - The rest of the Isekai harem could have become good friends and companions to her (not in this continuity)

In short, knowing what could have been (and won't because of her) would break what is left of OG Maria spirit.

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Thu 06 Oct 2022 03:23AM CEST

Oh ! I should have been more clear on that one !

With the 3 time lines i meant Fortun Lover,Verge of doom, sorry

And i agree her soul and generally Personality are the same,

She just hasn't 17 extra years of maturity

And how could the death ending even happen if she has this knowledge before the start

Or even before Katarina's trial Hamefur Maria loves Bakarina

It isn't very clear in verge of doom but in both setting's Maria is definitely happier with Katarina around

Than in all good endings of FL,

So i refuse to believe she would be willing to damned the Woman who is the only one she ever truly loved in all possible timeliness

As the happy ending's in FL don't make her seem all that happy....

But what do you think....?

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Thu 06 Oct 2022 04:34AM CEST

I don't discont the death ending because there is a dark mage lurking in the corner.(maria isn't aware of them)

And yes, she is happier with Katarina around indeed.

I think the exile is more of fault of OG Keith ( verge of doom Keith shows his deslike of her, and if dark magic was involved then it would take much)

The Exile in OG Geordo's route had the prince's print all over it, even without dark magic, heck in verge of doom the first think that comes to his mind when Katarina 'changed' is "I can still use her"(...Fk you Geordo...)

The Verge of doom characters the same as the Game counterpart until Bakarina changed them.

As for the endings i don't think "happy" is the right word for OG Maria.

She went from being bullied and alone to finally have a person that cares for her (up from zero) and said person is most likely protecting her from the bullies.

Her life overall improved, BUT only 1 person cares for her so she still lonely and the Katarina issue makes her sad.

So less 'happy' and more 'content' in my opinion.

Its like if someone survived with only water and bread their whole life and now has milk and buttered bread, its and improvement and their are 'content' (but still less than ideal)

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Thu 06 Oct 2022 08:25AM CEST

I get what you mean

But I'm still pretty sure she woul go after Katarina

After learning so much,

And I said she saw everything about all 3 time lines at once

Meaning she has to be aware of Sirius

Because he's clearly shown atleast in Hamefura

Also I'm pretty sure she'd avoid Geordo after knowing what kind a guy he is

Am I wrong?

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Thu 06 Oct 2022 08:42AM CEST

Oh, i though she only saw her perspective of the events.

Not sure about the avoid Geordo part, there is a good chance of that or she could try help him become better(she will not date him though)

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Thu 06 Oct 2022 11:02AM CEST

No I mean she's seeing all the events from outside

She does not get to see their thougt but everything else

And yea,who would want to date that Bastard?

I make a revelation now

I'm a Big Marikata fun so I'm a bit biased

Sorry I should have mentioned that before....

But I really want to hear which kind of Action you think Maria would take,....

I mean I'm pretty sure knowing everything she would be dead set on the Katarina Route, but what do you think....?

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Thu 06 Oct 2022 05:50PM CEST

I can't judge, Maria is my favorite pair with Katarina too.

I also believe she would go for Katarina given the chance.

Now i must also confess my bias.

Maria and Keith is my second favorite pair for Maria (katarina is the first).

So she scoring both is a victory triangle for me.(i also enjoy Keith and Kata)

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Thu 06 Oct 2022 07:18PM CEST

Would you consider a triple Marriage?

Maria,Katarina,Keith ?

I confess i actually dislike Keith a lot

Given what i already told i think you can gues why ?

Given Keith is desperate for love to such a point

And he think's of Maria as the only one who can save him and that he has so many rivals

If she in the middle of it all declared privately that she be willing to choose over all other's but under one condition

He's most likely to accept any condition even if that condition is to make his scorned adoptive Sister a part of the deal.....

That also had the effect that Katarina would still be under the Protection of house Claes

Which would make Geordo unable to harm her in the same way he did with the trial

Something else are now constantly having a discussion in Stranger Wager's comment section

So the least we could do is ask her if she want to take part in or if she even is okay with it,

Do you agree?

R (Guest) on Chapter 1Thu 06 Oct 2022 11:36PM CEST

I would

I didn't notice to be frank, you mentioned Keith directly in one comment prior to this...

Yes he is affection starved as well, and according to Bakarina:

"When he grew up he became quite the playboy in order to bury his loneliness and when he entered the academy, he met the heroine. The heroine healed his lonely heart and became the first person Keith ever truly loved..."

Hamefura Chapter 2

It's not like Keith believed that Maria would save him, it's more like she saved him and them he fell for her.

But i agree that he would accept Katarina in that cenário for three reasons:

1 - Maria saved him so it would be hypocrite of him to not let her save Katarina.

2 - If the misundestanding is cleared and Katarina apologised, he is capable of giving her a chance (verge of destruction shows that).

3 - That would make Maria happy, and maybe that is enough.

I agree with the last part too (this is the longest dicussion i participated in that didn't involve the autor lmao)

AlmDragonrend on Chapter 1Fri 07 Oct 2022 12:36PM CEST

I just informed the Author

I'm happy we can go with that

Assuming Maria successful used her knowledge to get Geordos engagement with Katarina broken and get engaged to both Claes siblings how do you see it go from there?

16 notes · View notes

piketrickfeet · 5 years

Text

tbl 7x03 thoughts

Watching this with my mom and gma so I’m having to type in my phone 😒😒😒

gross

Everyone in that room deserves what’s coming to them

Invite the devil into your home 🙃🙃🙃

E L I Z A B E T H

MA AM

Prince Charming calling lol

Subtle

Raymond........who are you reading to?!?!

ANSWER HER QUESTIONS

y i k e s cooper. Let her live.

oof this Russian guy is good

aram no why

aram NO WHY

Frankie!!!!

A R A M GOOD GOD

he looks amazing

sir pls

they’ve been wearing the same outfits for what feels like forever lol.

Disney watches!!!!

This flower suit is better in motion tbh. The stills were 😬

Children?!?!?!?!!?!!!!?!!?!!! AS IN MORE THAN ONE!?!?!!?!!?!

I love Frankie so much

Raymond PLEASE

They seemed surprised that they choose the player from the guests but anyone with a brain would have called that.

Oh no oh no

Red being all giddy over ding dong ditch is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

Well that’s not great

Are those....jelly beads

The man with the hat lololol

Mmmmm stroganoff

We had tacos for supper but stroganoff sounds amazing right now.

Wait they flew down to Miami but they had dc plates on the car they drove away from the hotel????

I am confusion

dang he’s a good shot I love him so much

Oh kissing

I mean

Sure

I changed a comment from earlier from all these people deserve to die to they deserve what’s coming to them

But now after chanting drown them I stand by the original statement

Lizzys grin at resslers comment

Katarina my love

Yikes lizzy. Too much trust lol.

“I’m proud of you” 😭😭😭

I mean they’re not subtle with this story lol. Beat us over the head with it.

Oh aram okay. Be happy boo

I think liz knows at least on some level. I also think she’s clinging to “Maddy” bc she DOES want that mother figure.

Everything is going to blow up in their faces.

Anyway this was a great episode. Not enough lizzy but still great. I like that it was an aram heavy episode. I wasn’t sure about it during promos but it was really good

Anyway bring back RESSLER lol.

#tbls7 #the blacklist #spoilers #ep 4 will be probably wednesday

4 notes · View notes

diveronarpg · 5 years

Photo

Congratulations, CHARLIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of DESDEMONA. Admin Rosey: There was a certain shrewdness that seemed to be underlying Delilah’s interview. A certain breath of life was given to her that showed in your writing. It was a little bit more romantic, a little bit more cynical, but still very frank with the voice that you gave her. Like you said, she has a different direction and tone to her that seemed very unique to Delilah. I am honestly so excited to how you will develop her. And I’m even more excited to watch the wreckage of Othello and Desdemona on the dash. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Charlie

Age | 21

Preferred Pronouns | she/her

Activity Level | 5-6/10. I’m a law student with a side job so my rl can be pretty stressful from time to time. In addition, I tend to write a lot and like to take my time with my replies so that I can actually be satisfied with how they turned out. I’ve learned in the past months that I’ve been in DV now that it works best for me to queue my replies so that one will be posted at least every few days so that I’m not struggling to keep up with your activity requirements but also don’t stress myself out too much.

Timezone | CET

Current/Past RP Accounts | may I introduce you to https://ofduvals.tumblr.com/ and https://ofdupont.tumblr.com/

In Character

Character | Delilah Bello aka Desdemona

What drew you to this character? | My interest in Delilah goes way back to a time long before I even applied for Katherine for the first time. I originally felt drawn to her because she’s one of my favorite Shakespearean characters and Othello is kind of my favorite play and the only one I actually knew a whole monologue from cause it was part of the House of Night books lmao. Anyways, a lot has changed since then and somehow I still feel drawn to her. In the beginning, I was a bit skeptical about whether I should really apply for her or not because at first glance she does have some similarities to Celeste. However, the more I thought about it and the longer I wrote this app, the more I came to realize how different they truly are. Whereas Celeste thrives on revenge and ‘hate’ to some extent, Delilah thrives on love. Love for others, but mostly love for herself. She doesn’t feel the need to make anybody pay. Does she want everybody, who’s currently doubting her, to realize that they’re wrong and that she’s never been anything but faithful and loyal? Definitely, but she doesn’t wish them any bad because they can’t see it yet. She’ll just continue proving herself until they’ll have no other choice but to see her for who she really is. I feel like Delilah will make it possible for me to approach the war and the characters from another perspective than Celeste and Katarina allow me to. Both of the characters I’m playing so far have found their place in the mob and life (even if Celeste isn’t necessarily as happy with it as she could be, she still has a place she’s comfortable) whereas Delilah finds herself at the beginning of a new episode in her life. This struggle really intrigues me and, to be honest, I can’t wait to see where she ends up? Not to mention that I’m always a HUGE sucker for characters who are misunderstood. The desperation she feels to finally make them see that betrayal isn’t in her nature is something that makes me so emotional and so eager to delve deeper into that and the overall situation she currently finds herself in. I feel like there are a lot of possible ways her development could go and I really want to be the one leading her through that. Delilah is capable of greatness even if most of Verona doesn’t see it just yet.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | PLOT 01 - Another person might have turned bitter after everything that happened to her. After everything that is still happening to her. And yet, she tries to remain positive and focus on the good things in life. Tries not to accept the blame everybody is trying to put on her, tries to leave his insecurities in his responsibility. It’s not her fault how everything turned out, she’s never done anything to deserve his jealousness and hate, has never been anything but a faithful, loving wife. It’s not always easy, however. As much as she tries to focus on the fact that she was a woman worth loving before him and has to be a woman worth loving after him, it’s hard not to let the mean comments and gossip get to her. I want to delve deeper into that, maybe see her breakdown after one terribly tough day. How does she build herself up again after that? How does she continuously focus on the good things in life, in herself?

PLOT 02 - I want to test and play with her loyalties. Neither Delilah nor her family has ever been involved with neither mob before she met Odin and even nowadays her family does their best to stay out of this war. She’s married into the Capulets and ever since her marriage came to an end they’ve let her feel how little she truly belongs with them on her own. I think it could be really interesting if somebody from the other side of the Adige would take an interest in her and promise her the acceptance and feeling of belonging that she doesn’t get from the Capulets. Right now she wouldn’t even consider turning her back on the Capulets and thus, proving them all right. However, she’s only human, after all, and if everything seems so much better on the Montague side of the Adige, she’ll definitely face a struggle of doing what is right and proving her loyalty and doing what feels easy and good.

PLOT 03 - Delilah is a woman with a big heart and a soft nature. The type of person who puts the well-being of others ahead of her own, somebody who wouldn’t ever dream about hurting another person for real if it’s not in self-defense. A trait that won’t get her far in the mob. I want to explore how she deals with the violence she’s confronted on a daily basis. Does she have a bad conscience because of it? Does she find a way to justify it for herself? And how does she deal with being the attacker and not just a more or less innocent bystander? I feel that would be something worth exploring in flashback threads, but I also think that it has become quite relevant again because now that she doesn’t have Odin’s support anymore, she has to prove herself once more. Maybe more than she ever has before. I’d love to throw her into situations that wouldn’t leave any sensible person unimpressed, that make her struggle with the values she’s grown up with. In short, I want to explore the struggle she certainly has between doing what’s ‘right’ and expected of her and what her conscience tells her. How far is she willing to go to earn her place in the Capulet ranks?

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes.

In Depth

What is your favorite place in Verona? At this question, a sad smile sneaks onto her lips. The only right response to the question is on top of her tongue immediately, she can’t bring herself to say it, though. She can’t risk the memories of her happiest day being questioned and torn to shreds like her loyalty and her whole marry. She won’t risk it. The sad truth is that the Cathedral has been her favorite place for years and still is because it reminds of better days. It reminds her of her wedding day, the day she was the happiest woman in at least all of Verona if not the whole world. Whenever she’s in the Capulet headquarters she’s reminded of that day, some days it gives her strength, some days it makes here melancholic as well as nostalgic, yearning for past days when life seemed easier and better. These are the days she tries to forget about the location completely and tries to focus simply on the reason why she’s there nowadays, for professional reasons only. “I’m afraid I’ll sound rather boring”, she responds finally responds after a moment of thought, forcing the smile to take on a happier note, a slightly more playful one, “but my favorite place in Verona is my flat.” It used to be our flat, it still feels weird to say ‘my’ flat to her, but that’s simply how things are these days. “I mean they always say there’s no place like home, right?” It’s the one place she can truly be herself, where she can block out all the noises and voices doubting her loyalty completely. Even if it still feels off in some ways, simply because he’s still there and not there at the same time, his presence still lurking everywhere even when he’s long gone. She’s started to redesign the flat slowly but surely after work and on the weekends, but still, it still feels like theirs and not hers.

What does your typical day look like? “I’m afraid that once again the answer is going to be rather boring.” Opposed to what one might assume after all the rumors and gossip about her, she wouldn’t exactly describe her daily life as the most exciting one. As big as her thirst for adventure is, ever since he left her, she’s stuck in a rut, trying to figure out how to live on her own again. So she prefers a daily routine. Too much has already changed in the past months so any sort of new stability she can get is calming. “Usually I wake up way before dawn.” She doesn’t sleep as well anymore as she used to be, the bed feels too cold and empty without his warm body next to her. She’s thought about buying a new bed, but she can’t for that would mean accepting that her marriage is well and truly over. And she can’t do that, not yet at least. “I always try to do some yoga first thing in the morning to start the day right.” It’s something she’s started to do in college, but quit doing during her marriage because she always wanted to stay in bed with him for as long as she could, not wanting to leave his side before she had to. “Then I make myself some breakfast. Personally, I think it’s very important to start your day with a solid foundation so I like to take my time with it. Also, what’s really important to me is a no screen rule before I’ve finished breakfast. I neither check my phone nor my emails nor anything else really before I’ve finished breakfast and cleaned the dishes.” This is a fairly new development, she doesn’t want to hear anything about what’s going on in Verona anymore before she’s had some time completely to herself. “I leave for work at 7:30 am sharp. It’s always nice to be the first one in the office and get already started before the rest arrive.” Lips curled up into a soft smile, she shrugs. Her work as a paralegal is one of the few things that have stayed the same in the light of the recent changes. It was always important to her to earn her own income, especially after she’s seen what it had done to her mother to never have worked a day in her life. However, she planned on quitting her job the moment she got pregnant, wanting to stay home to raise and take care of the children. But alas, these children would never see the light of day now. “Another thing that is really important to me is having a freshly cooked dinner each night. It’s something I’ve grown up with and a tradition I’ve always wanted to keep for my own household. There’s nothing quite similar to having some nice, filling dinner with your loved ones sharing stories about the day, wouldn’t you agree?” Only that nowadays there was nobody sitting at the table next to her, it was just her, the food and a glass of wine. Quite depressing really. To be honest, she probably would have started to eat outside as a new tradition if cooking wasn’t something that calmed her down and helped her cope with things.

What has been your biggest mistake thus far? She knows what they want her to say, what they’re expecting to hear. She knows that they want to hear is that marrying Odin is her biggest mistake and it might as well be. They want to hear that she regrets deeply not having listened to her father. That she wished she left him sooner. But she can’t bring herself to say that. She just can’t. Even after everything she’s been through thanks to him, despite everything she’s still going through, she doesn’t hate him. If anybody believed her story, she knows they’d tell her that’s perfectly acceptable to hate him and that’s not what she struggles with. She knows she’s allowed to hate him, she just can’t. How could she hate the person who looks just like the love of her life even if he condemns her and is so much crueler than the man she fell in love with? She knows there’s still that man inside him, she just knows it. Even if it’s buried deep under the facade of the monster that he shows the world nowadays. Hearing the interviewer clear their throat brings her back into reality and a soft redness sneaks into her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I was lost in thought”, a sheepish smile accompanying her words she tugs a silky strand of her hair behind her left ear, “I can’t think of anything right now, however. I’m not going to say I haven’t made mistakes, everybody does it. It’s only human. After all, Seneca already said ‘errare humanum est’.” Having taking Ancient History in college as a class definitely has some advantages. “I just like to think that every mistake gives you the opportunity to learn something. Sure, sometimes it’s more painful than other times, but the tougher it is, the more you can learn? So I’m afraid there is no such thing as ‘the biggest mistake’ to me?”

What has been the most difficult task asked of you? “I guess the hardest thing is to move on when you don’t want to move on but have no other choice but to accept that sometimes things are simply out of your control.” A soft smile follows her words. “Something I still struggle with, to be completely honest.” It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what and who she’s talking about. “Another thing that isn’t always easy is unconditional self-love and yet, I don’t think there is anything that is more important?” She shrugs howsoever slightly. “I mean if we don’t love ourselves, how can we expect anybody else to love us? I know, I know, it sounds really cheesy, but the one person who’s always been and always be by your side is yourself. So you can either be your biggest enemy or you can choose to be the one who always has your back, the one who sees the good in you, even if nobody else sees it.” A short pause follows her words as a hint of defiance finds its way into her dark eyes. “And I plan to be that person for myself, even if I’m still working on it.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues? Only with quite some effort, she manages to bite back a dry chuckle. It’s a question she finds herself confronted with on what feels like a daily basis. Everybody seems to question her loyalty to the Capulets, seems to assume that she doesn’t give a shit about them, isn’t as involved and dedicated as they are. They all seem to assume that now that Odin turned is back on her, she’ll turn her back on them at the next best chance she gets. That she’s the snake in their rows patiently waiting to poison them all before she sells them out. The thought alone makes her angry and incredibly sad at the same time. Angry because what has she ever done to earn that suspicion? Even if she did cheat on Odin - which she didn’t, not that anybody gives a damn -, why should that automatically mean she’ll betray the Capulets as well? Has she ever done anything but her best to earn her place with them? Sad because it seems like there’s nothing she can do to make them listen, to make them believe her. It’s like she’s screaming from the top of her lungs, but no words come out. However, she just knows they’ll finally see the truth, eventually. She knows she can make them see that she’s on their side for good. “I think that war is never good, for anybody”, Delilah begins carefully, choosing every word with attentive precision, “however, I think that we should hope for a quick and soon win by the Capulets. A win and thus end of the war can’t come soon enough, I mean we all see what the war is doing to our beloved Verona. And quite frankly, even though some might say that choosing between the mobs is like choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea, I think that the Capulets take care of the city like the Montagues never could.” Maybe it’s stupid to support the Capulets so outspokenly and publicly, yet, she doesn’t feel like she has another choice, to be completely honest. She needs to show her support and loyalty at every chance she gets if she wants them to realize the error of their ways.

Extras: A Pinterest Board.

#accepted #accepted: desdemona

3 notes · View notes

flowercuco · 6 years

Text

Fellowship 13 (Season Finale!?!?)

With the Dragon’s Eye retrieved, the party settles down to reap the spoils of their trials in the dragon temple in a special session that I took so long writing the summary for because when we did the session two of the players were visiting me! wow!!!

Leading off of our previous session, Constellation, the leader of the dragon gives the party his Fellowship which we decide means that whenever they come to visit him, they can all use the Dragon’s Eye to get the answer to whatever question they want! Armistice takes the lead in the usage of the eye, dolling it out to the rest of the party, starting with Vapor.

Vapor gets to the point and asks what Augusta, her current rival for better or worse and Arturia’s newest general, and as per the mechanics of the eye sees through the eyes of Adrift, the dragon that Armistice visited while in the orc city. She sees very plainly and clearly Augusta demonstrating her MEOrcs, the magically enhanced warriors who answer to her, empowered by the now tragically stolen fire crystal. It is very clearly a political move on her part to elicit sympathy from the people, as wouldn’t it be nice if everyone had access to these magical powers, and to smear the fellowship. As Vapor didn’t run into one of these MEOrcs, she gets very upset by this revelation and after calming down a bit, starts to figure out how it works and how to deal with it.

Aisa wants to go next, but before she can, Armistice makes sure Aisa knows what Acantha, her past life, did to Arturia. Aisa doesn’t take it especially well, but Armistice tries to get the idea across that perhaps, Acantha accidentally caused the situation which got her killed. It’s questionable how well it goes. Aisa asks if people can change or if we are doomed to be our worst selves, and sees life through a dragon who changed a lot over their single life time, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, sometimes for no reason at all, and gets a bit tired out from taking in such a large amount of information at once.

Armistice takes the eye and asks why Arturia is enacting this plan, one that involves the apparent destruction of the civilisations on the surface, and sees a very small scene as one of the chimera’s from the first real adventure! Arturia tries and fails some rituals with the reactor core, she realises what the core is doing, how it is important to the creatures who live around it, and try as she might, can not use it to heal the wound on the world.

Theo gets straight to the point with their question, what is Arturia’s next move? From the perspective of a dragon living in elven society, Theo sees news about an important elven summit, a meeting between the two large elf groups to determine, among other things, the fate of their precious treasure, the Tidemother, the Wellspring of Life, the Ocean’s Soul, the cornerstone of elven society, the water crystal.

Emboldened by Augusta’s actions, Vapor takes the eye again, although the strain of using the eye twice in a row is felt on one of her weapons, which thematically burns. How can orcs use magic without the use of the fire crystal? In a twist of fate, Vapor sees through Morning’s eyes, Armistice’s previous life, and sees the moment that she left the emperor for good, seeing orc experimentation empowered by the blood of dragons, as well as seeing before the empire made the orcs, seeing creatures similar, but different, doing magic empowered by their blood as well.

Aisa’s second use of the eye is a bit petty, but no less important, she asks how she knows who to trust, and sees a vision of Armistice and Vapor as Constellation, from just a few hours ago when she and Theo ran off to speed ahead of Mordred. She sees them speak plainly and clearly about the importance of keeping them safe, and helping them all. Aisa decides to... attempt to patch things up with Mordred, saying that she saw a lot of things, is less sure about her convictions, and doesn’t apologise, but says that Mordred isn’t as bad as she thought he was. Mordred accepts the non-apology and holds out his hand to shake hers. Neither of them know how to shake hands so they just high-five.

Armistice asks the eye a deep question, if she can save Arturia. The answer is heavy, and through the eyes of her own daughter, she sees yet another moment in time that shaped the events that they grapple with today. Katarina and Arturia argue over their duty, the world, what they have done, and in the end, it leads to Arturia leaving Katarina’s side. Katarina realizes that this would be the last conversation she has with Arturia for a while, and Armistice realizes this is the last conversation the two ever had. Arturia could have been saved by Katarina, but that is not what happened and Armistice can not save her. This vision is trying on Armistice, who hadn’t seen her daughter in over a hundred years and who needs to believe that Arturia deserves a second chance, after all, she’s the reason that she’s even still alive.

As the group shares some of this information that they have gathered, Armistice asks if Mordred is going to use the eye. He doesn’t want to, not now, not anymore, and is not swayed away from thinking otherwise. Theo, who would have liked to know more about Mordred’s origins, decides then to use the eye to ask about Arturia’s weakness. They see through Arturia’s eyes and witness her using a ritual to create Mordred. Initially, he is half formed, incomplete, and unstable, but when she finally manages to perfect him, she realizes that she can no longer touch him without feeling pain. Theo decides they need to dwell on this, doesn’t tell the group, and definitely doesn’t tell Mordred that he could be the key to killing his own mother.

Armistice goes in for a third question, and pays a hefty price to learn the secret of Mordred’s origin. Katarina developed a ritual for Arturia to perform with her, so that they could make a child together. Arturia did not find it until well after her death, and also after Acantha tried and failed to kill her. Arturia, in a desperate sorrow, performed the ritual using her own blood as well as the remains of the emperors body that persisted above the reactor core. What was supposed to be a symbol of her love was corrupted by Arturia’s contempt for humanity, the ritual was tainted, and Arturia unknowingly drew some of the emperors soul into Mordred. It dwells deep within him. Armistice does not like this, and does not tell anyone else in the fellowship.

Theo also pays the requisite price for a third question and asks if their people, the Drow, will be save when Arturia’s plan is complete. They see a completely normal day in drow society. Their people will not see any grand changes if Arturia succeeds.

As the group dwells on their gained knowledge, Constellation requests that Armistice joins him elsewhere, to speak on important matters and also see why dragons are reincarnating less and less. After he uses the dragons eye he looks defeated and weary. Fearful of making society changing choices, accidentally making things worse, and in general, falling into a fate similar to Morning (married and legitimised a tyrant who experimented even on dragons) or Alight (lost to the drow as their society went through an upheaval), dragons who have died recently felt that the world was changing, on a cliff’s edge, just, generally unstable, and did not want to be the one who pushed the world off.

Constellation blames himself and his role as the leader of the dragons (name to be decided later) as why this has happened, and pleads with Armistice to take on his mantle when he passes. Armistice, having caused some of the doubt that dragons hold, says that she doesn’t deserve it clearly, that she’s burnt out and not capable of leading anyone. Constellation disagrees, cupping some of his flame in his hand and putting Armistice’s scales inside of it. In his flame they shine once again, Armistice has led the fellowship, she could lead the dragons as well, if only she could forgive her own actions and look forward.

Meanwhile, Vapor asks the fellowship if she missed any encounters when they stole the fire crystal in the university, and though Califax attempts to keep it a secret, Theo doesn’t want this to be a weapon that hurts the fellowship. They tell Vapor about the weakness of the MEOrcs, and how in an attempt to cut one off from his source of power, he killed him. Vapor asks if Theo would have still done what they did if they knew that it would result in a painful immolation, Theo says no, but decides to keep quiet about how they would have just killed him in a less painful way. Aisa says that as the orc was in Augusta’s employ, he kinda deserved it, her way of comforting them.

Armistice returns at this point with news of Constellations request, to which Aisa immediately asks if Armistice accepted or not. When she says that she hasn’t, Vapor, avoiding the topic of hers and Armistice’s feelings, says that theres time to think things through. Finally, as the group leaves, Armistice asks what Mordred is going to do. He decides to stay in the dragon monastery with Constellation, to learn things about himself before going out to learn about the world once more. Armistice hugs him and ruffles his hair because SHES HIS FUCKING GRANDMOTHER AND SHE CAN.

After this, I zoned out while Vapor and Armistice talked about their FUCKING relationship. Armistice went to visit Vapor only to see her experimenting on her own blood. The ensuing conversation was about a lot of stuff, and it was gay and good, and also involved Armistice telling Vapor that the librarian dragon she met the other day, Silent, also definitely had feelings for Vapor. Hassle @misanthrobot or @foursight for more details on this conversation.

With that done, the fellowship travels to the elven summit to stop Arturia from acquiring the water crystal. The fellowship is more informed than ever, but Arturia’s forces are ever growing. Will they be enough to stop the overlord, what dangers await them en route, and what new threats will start to make themselves known? The world is wounded, of that there is no doubt, but can they heal it? The dual blows of having the fire crystal and having Mordred leave Arturia’s army is great, but will it be enough? And whats this? Word of another hero willing and ready to join ranks on Constellation’s Drift? Who could this new potential member of the fellowship be?

Can’t wait to start planning for season two of this game!!!

#followship 2020

4 notes · View notes

mcalhenwrites · 6 years

Text

Indie creators are often going to give you more of what you want than mainstream creators in terms of representation. Supporting them is imperative to changing industry standards. That doesn’t always mean turning your back away from the big fandoms, but sometimes it does mean giving something the more deserved attention for doing things right. (I’m also going to add that all this “fic writers are better than original” shit? Stop with it. A lot of this indie content comes from fic writers who struggle to get their original works out there. Yeah, your faves are producing their own content. Another reason to start caring.) I’ve ranted about this a million times on this blog, perhaps less so in these past couple of years than I did before. A good reason for this is that I was sucked into a big fandom of my own, where the best I’ve got is a million hints that one guy loves another enough to end his own life and vocally damn the rest of the world for this one man. I know my ship will never be canon, and honestly, it wouldn’t be so bad if they’d at least bother to confirm that one of them is gay. The other one gets killed, anyway, though that’s a problem regardless of his sexuality. That’s just bad writing. /coughs I mean, indie writers are fucking petrified to see people tear apart other writers. Everything about this current Vtrn shit makes me nervous to even bother to share my stuff. I don’t think anyone is entitled to anything other people make, but I do think there is room for criticism. (And it can be a delicate line, because some criticism isn’t going to mesh with other criticism. There’s quite a thick line, though, for stepping into threats. Y’all know where that line is and cross it anyway, and fuck you all for that.) As a creator, you can’t always make other people happy. That’s a fact. It is upsetting that people are pushed by studios and publishers and such to make characters straight, cis, white - and oftentimes, they want male writers who write male characters, period. Don’t beat yourself up if you enjoy something mainstream, of course! Just...be aware that if you do crave something, you sometimes have to dig past the popular stuff. I know that’s easier to grab. Trust me, I know. But please, if you notice indie creators upon your dash, add their books to your to-read list. Consider looking into those movies. You might not enjoy their stuff, but you gave them a chance, just as you did with the mainstream stuff. I know people might read this as my wanting this attention on my stories, and I’ll not pretend that wouldn’t be nice? But this is about so much more than me. There is a reason I’ve been screeching about Yuhki Kamatani for ages. An asexual nonbinary mangaka from Japan has written several works where they’ve provided representation for trans, intersex, gay/lesbian characters. (And different body types, like Katarina - who is absolutely threatening in a physical fight!) The business model is that they want to appeal to the biggest audience and sell the most games/books/movie tickets/etc. But lesser known writers (not just indie, but them too), are out here offering their hearts in their work. That’s important. I remember complaining about this, and someone I had to later block misinterpreted my posts as being that I didn’t want gay representation. ‘Cos I came off way more salty about it back then. I’d blatantly stated that people say they want representation and then they DON’T ACTUALLY GO FOR IT. They’d rather yell at people like Jo/ss Whe/don and Mo/ff/at and all the others to fix things! And flat-out, I still see that shit. You think mr straight white likes ‘em young is gonna give five fucks about your gay pairing unless they’re for-the-male-gaze lesbians? AHHHhahaha good luck. He’s doing fine, he’s rich, he has his formula. And trust me, people will forgive them for doing ANYTHING, but...indie and lesser known creators? Oh, they had BETTER not fuck up. And good job, you destroyed their entire careers by ganging up on them. Meanwhile people like Dvd Cge still make whatever they please and make bank. So this is about more than people not being able to afford going to the movies or something. This sometimes involves people having no issue putting down three times as much money as a movie to buy a game from someone that they disagree with. Sorry to whine about this shit again, I’m just very exhausted by this shit happening over and over again all the time. I wonder how many followers I will lose for this one? Hmmm. (And yeah, shit like this used to mean drops in followers, especially any time I insult the holy fucking man M/of/fat. Still remember that time someone pointed out his “diverse” women as a joke to show they were all the same brunette in a power suit with their hair styled similarly and my follower count dropped by 7 in like 20 min of reblogging it. \o/ And I recognize that a lot of people do want lgbt+ characters and it’s a struggle to get them in mainstream. They are trying. That’s pretty admirable, at least, though I won’t deny that I think sometimes it turns out to be a bit of a disaster. I hope they continue to push. They’ll make changes from the inside. But I still feel that we as consumers (yes that’s me, too! I’m not just a writer!) need to be vigilant in supporting the less popular people who’ve been writing what we want from their hearts and similar wishes. Ultimately, I can’t tell anyone what to do. What to watch, what to play, what to read. What to consume. Again, I like some stuff that can fall under, well, insufficient? When it comes to what I want to see. And representation doesn’t make something good, but that’s more reason to keep hunting for the good stories. I promise they’re out there. It’s a search. Keep a flashlight handy.

#mcalhen rant #ohhhhhhhhh boy

6 notes · View notes

upslapmeal · 6 years

Text

Second Doctor Thoughts

When I finished the First Doctor’s era a year after starting it and in the summer before I started university I joked that at this rate I’d graduate before finishing Classic Who. Well joke’s on me because I very nearly graduated before even finishing the Second Doctor’s era, avoided in large part thanks to a conveniently timed DWSoc screening of The War Games that pushed me to finish the previous two serials in time for that. And I think all this makes it seem as though I wasn’t particularly interested or invested in Two’s era but that really wasn’t the case. Rather, it was more that my progress was bogged down by a combination of having a ridiculous amount of uni work, combining that with starting several other new tv shows (I’m super great at time management and priorities guys) and there being so many missing episodes. I know Power of the Daleks took a month to watch because of the combination of missing episodes making it hard to get a feel for what Two was like (the animation didn’t come out for another year).

And now it feels weird having to talk about my thoughts on something I started three years ago. When I was writing up my thoughts on The Krotons the other day I was struggling to remember what my notes were referring to and that was only several months after watching. But then again this is my thoughts on the era as a whole rather than individual parts of it. And there’s definitely something to be said for taking so long to watch. I mean Two and Jamie have been on-and-off fixtures of my life for the past 3 years which is more or less what they would have been for DW fans back in the 60s. And a six-episode serial back then would have taken over a month for people to watch. Maybe I should pretend this was all intentional to get a ~realistic viewing experience~….

I’m looking back now at my post where I talked about my First Doctor thoughts and I had split it into four sections: the Doctor, the companions, the aliens and the writing/visuals etc. I feel as though I have less to say this time, both as a result of 2/3 of Two’s era being less recent to me than the entirety of One’s had been at the time, but also because I feel as though I went into this era with a better idea of what if would be like. I started Classic Who blind, more just to fill the time while DW wasn’t on air than wanting to actually see what it was like and a lot of my post once I finished One’s era was talking about how pleasantly surprised and how I hadn’t expected to love the characters/character development/plots as much as I did. I had really gone in expecting very little and if you’ve spent any time on my blog you can see how much I really love One’s era now. However, since starting Classic Who I’ve followed a bunch of Classic Who blogs. I’ve seen people talk about Classic Who (including Two’s era) and I’ve even see some people I follow start and work their way through Classic Who at a significantly faster pace than me, going through Two’s stuff before I got there. I tried to not pay attention to plot details (oh how I wish I hadn’t known about the Time Lords in The War Games) but not only is it hard to avoid 50-year-old spoilers, I didn’t start watching only to be surprised by how good a lot of the characterisation and plots were. The quality of some serials still took me by surprise (I knew people said it would be good but The Enemy of the World was really EXCELLENT, can’t wait for Two to save 2018) but I generally had higher expectations.

Obviously this era suffers from missing episodes significantly more than One’s era. I watched all the reconstructions but so often something would be described in the scrolling text that I would pay large quantities of money to get to actually see (x x) and there were serials like The Macra Terror which I could tell were really good and enjoyed but would have been even better if there were full visuals to go with the audio. It’s a shame because all these missing episodes must seems like a huge barrier to a lot of people when it comes to starting Classic Who and I’ve seen people under the impression that most black and white episodes are missing.

But anyway. On to the actual thoughts. Like I said this is going to be shorter than it was for One’s era but please don’t mistake that for lack of enthusiasm. Also I’ll put it under a cut because this preamble has already gone on long enough.

The Doctor:

Isn’t Two fantastic? He’s really just out there to have a good time and explore and help out, and it really builds up well to the revelation that he ran away from the Time Lords because he wasn’t content to just observe the universe without interacting with it. He doesn’t seem to have misconceptions about him in the same way One did and I can’t imagine anyone watching the era and not thinking Troughton was an absolute delight. There’s a child-like amusement mixed in with scattiness that often seems to act as a mask to his thought processes (though not always - this is someone has done the blowing-up-an-island equivalent of sawing off a tree branch while sitting on it). And when you see Two switch to being dead serious you know that the situation warrants it. It was fascinating in particular to get a first glimpse into his interactions and relationship with the other Time Lords and I’m looking forward to the Master being introduced now I’m going into Three’s era to start to build on that (I know we had the Monk with One but that felt different, understandably, as I’m sure at the time there was so concept of Time Lords). Two had a deceptive child-like glee, not the same as One’s but not entirely different either, and I’m going to miss this recorder-playing space hobo and his expressive face.

The Companions:

I didn’t talk much about Ben and Polly in my First Doctor post because I felt I hadn’t really got to know them yet, although I don’t think their four (well…..really three, it’s a shame they weren’t in most of their last serial) stories with Two really told me anything I hadn’t seen with One other than giving them a new surface to bounce off of. I just loved their combination of small, frequently surprised sailor and hip 60s woman who defeats the cybermen using knowledge about nail polish. And of course they were the first ever companions to deal with regeneration and I really enjoyed seeing their different approaches and different amounts of trust in this new Doctor during Power. I’m not usually fussed about the whole ‘first face this face saw’ but seeing how overlooked these two are I like to think they had a special place in Two’s hearts because of this.

And then there’s Jamie who is unquestioningly the defining companion of Two’s era and for good reason too. A lot of the era’s comedy comes from Two and Jamie bouncing off of (and clinging to) each other, and seeing that Jamie lost all that time he spent travelling with the Doctor was really right up there with Donna losing her memories. It would be easy to just think of Jamie as not very clever, but I feel like a lot of the time this came down to a lack of familiarity with what would later become familiar technology (I really enjoyed having a historical companion, done much better than Katarina RIP). Yes he would sometimes be slow to get things and be the butt of the joke, and sure he would do things like jump in front of an ice warrior but it would work and he had a lot of heart and a lot of love for his friends. He would often be an outside perspective to Two, being a voice of reason when Two got a bit carried away (cf. Two’s blowing-up-an-island equivalent of sawing off a tree branch while sitting on it). Here are just a few favourite Jamie moments: x x x. Oh and of course, Jimbo McCribbob.

Quick shoutout to almost-companion Samantha Briggs - if she had ended up staying as originally intended we would have missed out on Victoria so I don’t wish that had happened but I thought she was really brilliant in The Faceless Ones and I loved her interactions with Jamie.

What I loved and also found sad about Victoria was her interactions with Two, how he showed a real understanding of the fact that she had lost everyone and come on the TARDIS out of a sense of having nowhere else to go rather than out of curiosity and a sense of adventure (Tomb of the Cybermen stands out in particular in this respect). She was often scared (and I’m pretty sure I would have been terrified in the situations she was put in) but always kind and I thought her exit was really earned. She deserved to live in a stable place with people she could grow to call family and not constantly feel in danger. That life just wasn’t for her as much as she loved Jamie and Two and I appreciated that the Doctor refused to try and persuade her otherwise, no matter what Jamie said.

Oh Zoe. My science daughter. My incredibly intelligent science daughter who didn’t know how candles worked #just21stcenturyproblems. Firstly: congrats Two! You only (accidentally) kidnapped one (stowaway) companion! I liked that she was introduced in a cyberman episode, contrasting her wanting to feel everything like someone who hasn’t been trained to be a human computer and the cybermen who want to erase emotions. And again, all that is lost when she leaves and it’s a tragedy. But this show always has to have bits of tragedy woven in every now and then, keeping us grounded. It’s a show that does bittersweet well. Her advanced scientific and mathematical knowledge meant that she had a dynamic with the Doctor that we also saw with Vicki only to a lesser extent and I liked that she often thought of things before the Doctor (oh what I would have given to see Zoe and Vicki meet at some point). Also, and very importantly, Zoe always made a cute(r than usual) face when she was complemented!

The aliens:

This is going to be very short, limited to four quick points:

I found Two-era cybermen increasingly difficult to understand and I’m not sure if that was just me or something people found in general

also interesting to see the introduction of another (if less-so) recurring alien with the ice warriors (and in a serial with Peter Sallis no less!)

yeti!! made even better by the fact that I got to see the actual costume when I went to the DW Experience this summer

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE MACRA

The plots, writing, and visuals:

I think this is where I’m going to have notably less to say than in my post for the First Doctor. What I will say is that while there were many outstanding or particularly fun stories (Enemy and Macra as I said earlier but also The Faceless Ones, The Mind Robber, The Invasion, The Web of Fear (Anne Travers <3 and the Brig!!) and The War Games to name a few), I’m definitely more a fan of going-on-an-adverture-to-find-stuff-out stories than the base-under-siege pattern that this era had a lot of and I felt like there were more stories that I was indifferent to than in One’s era, but even then that wasn’t any great amount. Oh and historicals. I miss historicals. One thing that I will say is that while this era managed have more roles played by black actors, whenever we we met a black character my first thought was always ‘I hope they don’t die’ (especially Kemel and Fariah), and as far as I can remember I was let down every time. But that is more a complaint with 1960s TV in general rather than being something specific to Doctor Who.

Overall:

The Second Doctor era has really been a constant in a significant era of my life, and I don’t think I have anything left to say that I’ve not already said in this overly-long post. I’m glad it’s not totally goodbye forever though, there’s still the anniversary specials to look forward to and I haven’t heard characterisation complaints for Two and co. in the same way as for One and Susan. But for now it’s onto the (temporarily) Earth-bound world of colour and UNIT, back with the Brig and getting to meet Liz, Benton and Yates (and later Jo and Sarah-Jane)! Autons! Dinosaurs! The Master! Let’s just hope this doesn’t take another three years!

Goodbye cosmic hobo. I’ll miss you.

#THIS IS LONG WHOOPS #second doctor #classic who #doctor who #patrick troughton #wanderings in the fourth dimension

12 notes · View notes