#ROSE IS 2 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ANNA SOBBING

[sanctamater]

‘ you look bored. ’ another young debutante with an expression missus dewitt knows all too well - she’d worn it often enough in her youth, after all. not so much a statement as it was fact; but amelia dewitt had never been one to mince her words. if she were a softer woman, a better woman, a woman who’d paid attention in etiquette class or gone to finishing school, she might have been tactful; might have been able to soften the blow or at least pretend to be coy - but she is none of those women, she simply is - and suspects this one is the same. what a life to attempt to lead; living in a world that wished to keep them behind closed doors and away from any and all prying eyes; to never be heard in any real way no matter how much noise they made. it burns her in the way her faith used to; settles in her chest like a weight and without permission, she takes the seat next to her - mouth puckered like she’d tasted something sour -- the papers would agree the next morning; the company in the room was far from sweet. 

  ‘ i was always told that boredom led to dangerous things. granted, i always thought it was funny. everyone else around me? not so much. ’ there’d been a particular incident involving a drag race down fifth one early morning - lurid details now lost to both memory and newspaper clippings; traded in for home, hearth, and business deals. what’s the saying? an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. her fingers twitch; the cigarette she lights takes the edge off, and ever the diplomat, she offers the other one from her case, shining and spotless. ‘ i haven’t seen you at one of these before. did the big three finally let some new blood in, or are you the latest attraction from out of town? it’s how they’ve always been here - treating every new comer like the latest exhibit down in central park. ’

@seacret​ <3

[codenamebooks]

10 Best Books of 2020

I’m super excited for this post because this has been my best reading year since early high school. That means that I got to read many books that I really liked so it was actually kind of hard solidifying the entire list. I had been updating it after every book I read but for this post I made a few tweaks.

Of course, as a fair warning, these are simply my opinions. If you hate these books, that’s perfectly fine with me but I personally loved them and gave them all 4 or 5 out of 5 stars.

1. A Court of Thorns and Roses series (#1-#3.5) by Sarah J. Maas

Although two books separated the series in my ranking, I thought it’d be unfair for 4 out of my top 10 to be from the same series. This series seriously blew me away. It was the first time that I had to buy the next book immediately so I could read it. I was hooked into the drama and fantasy world quicker than I have with any other fantasy I’ve read. I believe it was the first book that really pushed me toward fantasies for the rest of the year and I’m happy with that.

2. The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab

This is my favorite novel of the year but, as I said, the entirety of the ACOTAR series trumped it. Regardless, I’ve never been so drawn into a story and plot. I finally understood what reviewers meant when they claim that a story is “atmospheric”. The entire time I felt like I was experiencing every little thing with Addie because of how beautiful and lyrical Schwab’s descriptions are. I really, truly hope that, if/when I become more serious about my writing, that I will be able to write like this.

3. Isla and the Happily Ever After by Stephanie Perkins

This was my contemporary romance of the year! Oh my gosh did it make me so happy and giddy with excitement and laughter, even sadness. Out of all of the books in this trilogy, this was definitely the most mature and therefore my favorite. Nothing felt ridiculous or over done like in Lola and not immature like some themes in Anna. Josh easily moved towards the top of my list for fictional boyfriends because he was honestly so cute and real. The depth was amazing!

4. All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

The book that made me sob at 2 a.m. This book holds a special place in my heart because it’s only the second novel to have made me cry so heavily. Finch and Violet were such brilliant characters and I loved their arcs individually and together so much. Even though for a few pages I could see it coming, my heart still broke into little pieces over the last however many pages after. Although it had it’s funny and heartwarming highs, I really felt the lows.

5. We Were Liars by E. Lockhart

The third book that has ever made me sob. This was a narrative structure that I’ve never seen before and I didn’t hate it’s mysterious plot twists and turns. Although I feel like there are some hints that I might have missed, I still fully grasped the weight of the book. It broke my heart in the third part because of how much I had grown to love our four liars. So much so that I started to dislike them due to their very consistent (yay!) personalities and habits leading me to be even more upset.

6. Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

This was important and impactful. The way that Celeste Ng managed to encompass so many histories and storylines and futures was beautiful! It takes true talent to have so much control of so many characters and relationships. The way that she hands the question of morality to the reader, that the narrator doesn’t justify anything, just tells us the story and let’s us decide needs to happen more!

7. Carve the Mark duology by Veronica Roth

Once again, a series grouped together because they didn’t rank far apart. This duo was specifically boosted for me due to the second novel, which I found was also the case for many others on Goodreads. The experience of the growth in writing was brilliant! This was fun and adventurous and the world is so expansive. I really loved how the plot and pace in both books were handled. Nothing was ever rushed or ignored and no plot holes were left open. That’s all I ask for, especially out of such a short series.

8. The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken

This was another dystopian fantasy read that I enjoyed because of how fun it was. I liked the way that Bracken handles writing younger characters in a traumatic setting. It felt more real than the 16 year olds in YAs from my middle school years who just knew everything immediately or fell in love in .2 seconds. Ruby grows and builds her strength and abilities throughout the entire novel so that she’s able to use them in the chaos at the end, and we’re proud to see that she’s taking control of her powers, not only in a life or death situation. The relationship between Liam and Ruby (and Chubs and Zu) is adorable and the slow build into friendship and the drive to protect each other and then to love (?!) is the sweetest thing.

9. City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

There were a lot of ridiculous things in this first book but it was entertaining. The world is so expansive and I believe that when Clare grasps it in the later books it’ll be even better. The pacing is what keep me afloat in this book because it was constantly moving towards something new. Although that allowed plot holes to open as we flew past subplots, I’m sure they’ll be addressed in due time. I mean, Clare and this series/world wouldn’t be popular if it didn’t get better, right?

10. Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins

I didn’t include this with Isla and the Happily Ever After like I did with other series because it didn’t meet the level of love I had for Isla. It was fun but it was incredibly dramatic and unrealistic on some fronts that I couldn’t manage allow. But I laughed and I swooned exactly where I was supposed to. Even with it being ridiculous, the exaggerations were endearing because it felt like a world further away from mine than most contemporaries. People need to admit, extremes can add to the appeal more than it takes away.

[retvenkos]

9 years

Tuck Everlasting - Miles Tuck x Rose and Thomas and Anna, angst

tuck everlasting month 2020, day 16

A/N: so, first of all, i changed miles' canon age for when rose leaves. also, in the books miles has 2 kids - a boy, and a girl named anna. i, of course, decided to include her because miles with a daughter would have been perfect - exactly what he needed. the emphasis, however, lies in the word would...

Summary: But time has a way of changing things. Her mother had told her once, when she was young enough to wonder what the world had planned for her, that what’s hidden wants to be found. The more you tried to hide something, the more it would work to show itself in small but meaningful ways.

9 years.

Rose had known the Tucks for 9, long years.

She first met them when the family came into town, having just settled nearby, looking for men to help build their would be home. Even then, Angus Tuck was a self-made man. He knew how to build houses (after all, he had made their first home, before it burned down) and was only looking for help on account of his age. He was nearing fifty and wasn’t as spry as he used to be, so he decided he could use the help of another man - someone young, who could follow directions efficiently. Rose’s brother had fit the description perfectly, and a deal was struck: he would help the Tuck’s with building their home, and they would let him use their horse for farm work.

Rose had met Miles Tuck that day and believed they were kindred spirits, of sorts. He was just as bookish and quiet as she, and while he was blunt and occasionally harsh with his words, his heart was well-meaning and made up for his shortcomings. He was 2 years older than her, at the time, and when the Tuck’s departed, her brother teased her relentlessly.

The next morning, she joined her brother in going over to the Tuck’s homestead, helping Mae unpack her things and cook a large dinner for the men on an open fire. They bonded, speaking of literature and culture, technology and faith. Those days were simple and happy, spent bonding with a family she adored and learning about the world they had come from. There was quite a lot of world, beyond Treegap, New Hampshire, and to hear about it was fascinating.

After a long day’s work, the four men would eat as though they hadn’t seen food in years. They would thank Mae and Rose, praising their cooking, and would have a smoke afterward. Jesse would sneak off sometime before the pipes were pulled out, and Miles would drift away from Angus and Roses’ brother, not caring for conversations of hunting or fishing. Rose would sit beside him, quietly, and start up a conversation with Miles, the two smiling and laughing in the firelight.

When the cottage was finished, Rose helped Mae move the last of her valuables indoors and  sighed. “I suppose I no longer have an excuse to come and bake with you.”

Mae had smiled, and there was something in her eyes that sparkled as though she knew a secret. “As long as Miles lives here, I’m sure you’ll find a reason or two.”

Rose had stuttered, thoroughly embarrassed by the older woman’s words, and Mae said nothing further on the matter. When she said goodbye to the Tuck’s, Rose couldn’t look Miles in the eye.

As they walked home, her brother looked at her with raised eyebrows. Rose shoved him and told him to shut up.

Miles had called on her a few weeks afterward, asking her if she’d like to take a stroll through town. She had smiled, then, admiring the redness in his cheeks and the sincerity in his tone. They courted for a year, and on a beautiful autumn day, they had gotten married.

They had vowed to love each other. They promised to stand by one another and let nothing come between them. They had sworn to be honest with one another, no matter what.

That had been 7 years ago. Rose was 22 and naive to the ways of the world.

Now, staring at her mother, a six year-old Thomas playing on the ground beneath her, and another baby kicking in her stomach, Rose had seen much more of the vast, unexplainable world. Her mother handed her a cup of tea and she sipped at it politely, trying to wonder how to begin.

Her mother had told her once, when she was young enough to not believe her, that what’s hidden wants to be found. The more you tried to hide something, the more it would conspire against you to show itself in small but meaningful ways.

Rose had thought her mother to be too faithful, then - too reliant on the universe working in her favor. Then she had met the Tucks, and throughout the years, she learned bits of their secret.

“Nothing could make me love him less.”

“Of course, not.” Rose’s mother sat across from her at the table, her hair streaked with silver, her eyes heavy with wisdom. “You are his wife, after all.”

Rose nodded. She had never questioned her vows. She loved him and had no secrets. But something ate at the back of her mind, gnawing at her, asking her if perhaps Miles had broken his.

“But you are a mother and every mother loves her child more than anything else.”

Rose looked at her boy - his dark curls falling into wide eyes, his cheeky smiles and soft hands. “I would do anything to keep Thomas safe.” Her hand went to her stomach, and the baby inside moved. “Anna, too.”

“Then you know what you must do.”

At first, there wasn’t much to question. The Tucks had come from out of town to settle, and no one knew their prior family. They joked that youth ran in the family. Jesse looked as though he hadn’t aged a day from when he met Rose, but that was because he was a boy and excitement held onto adolescence tightly. Mae was no younger than her own mother, and yet her hair maintained the same vibrant red of her younger years. Not a single hair turned silver to match the few she had when they first came to Treegap. Rose only ever seemed to get older with time, but motherhood was exhausting and easily deepended wrinkled and added crows feet to smooth skin. If she ever mentioned it, Miles would kiss her, saying she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever met, and Rose would get lost in his love.

After a while, it was their health that Rose found peculiar. Angus and Mae were well into their fifties, approaching that heavy age where the world pulled them closer to the ground in which they would one day lay, leaving aches and pains in the morning, and tiredness in the evening. However, the couple never seemed to be bothered by time, and in the winter, when aches were at their worst and illness swept through the town like a breeze, the family stayed unaffected by the damp that set into their home or the draft that came under the doors.

What had frightened Rose the most, though were not trivial wrinkles or impeccable health. What had caused her to draw away from the family she had always loved and shook Rose to her core was Jesse’s fall.

When she thought about it later, she remembered how the sunlight seemed to bend around him like a halo, the branches falling with him like wings on his back - like an angel, her mother had said. Or, she said, in a quiet tone, like Icarus. A Greek tragedy - too reckless for this life, too young for his experiences.

Jesse should have died upon hitting the ground; a fall from that high, with his body hitting branches as he fell, his head bloody and his limbs lying at odd angles when he landed on the ground should have killed him. He was Icarus, after all, plummeting towards his grave. When he did not, the Tucks were relieved and Rose was, too. But she also had a mind that told her of mortal wounds - those injuries that people do not survive.

Something was broken that day, and it was not Jesse’s body.

Thomas had been four, then, still a toddler that needed a father to show him the way. Rose was still uncertain, in those days, believing in Miles and those vows she had made more than anything else in the world.

That was 2 years ago. She was 27 and growing fast.

Was she grown, now?

“What do I do?” She looked at her mother for guidance but already knew she did not want to hear her reply.

Amongst the Tucks was a fallen angel. They were no longer in God’s grace.

“You already know what must be done.”

“But I cannot.” Tears were welling into Rose’s eyes and she pushed them back, not allowing them to fall. Thomas had stilled in her games on the floor and stared at his mother, eyes wide and full of wonder. “I can’t leave Miles… I can’t leave my husband.”

“You’re not leaving Miles.” Her mother put her hands on top of Roses’. “You’re leaving The Adversary.”

“No...” Rose fell to the ground and wept. Thomas grabbed her skirts, rubbing them between his thumb and forefinger. “They’re good people.”

“They’ve been claimed by evil.” Rose shook her head, but her eyes were filled with fear. “You have your children to think of. You must leave.”

“Where will I go?” Rose asked, her voice cracking, her head bowed.

Her mother leaned down to pick Rose off of the ground. Rose was sobbing still, her body shaking with effort, her breathing laboured and broken. Her mother smoothed her hair and let Rose cry on her shoulder. Thomas hugged his mother’s legs and patted her pregnant belly.

“Go to the Lord, Rose, and pray. It’s all you can do.”

…

Rose stared at the empty page beneath her and willed herself to write something down. She had loved Miles for 9, long years. She had been by his side all the while, never once believing him to be something dark and sinister.

When Jesse had fallen, Miles had been right there, calling out his brother’s name, holding the boy’s body to his chest. When Jesse’s eyes opened and he coughed up blood, the deep red dripping down his chin and staining his shirt, Miles had carried him to their home with tears of relief in his eyes. He had borne the burden of almost losing his brother, determined to not let anyone else suffer.

Rose had borne the burden of knowing that he shouldn’t have survived.

To the Tucks, Jesse’s prolonged life was a miracle. But Jesse’s life was heavy on Rose’s conscience - like a curse.

It was only fair, now, that Miles shared in her burden. A letter was the only way he could ever know the reasons for why she would do what she intended. Miles knowing why would explain her actions and the guilt of what she was to do would be his, as well.

She was going to explain herself - like a good, honest woman should. Honesty was one of her vows to him. Miles may have kept secrets and cast her in shadow, but she would shed light on her action and give him the honestly she promised one last time.

Rose was 29, now, and time was stealing away her life, one day at a time.

She could not wait any longer for another explanation to arrive. The rumors in town were insidious. The Tucks were an unnatural family. There was no other way - no other path she could take.

Rose looked at the grandfather clock that she had been given as a wedding gift. In only a few more hours, light would start to fill the house. She had to go, now. There was no time for explanations or apologies.

Rose stood and crept to where they kept their money box. She took what little they had, and prayed that the Lord would provide the rest. She turned, one last time, to look at her husband, pain in her eyes.

He was still 22, the same as they day they met, no changes made to his mortal body. He did not look like the evil he was supposed to be, but evil was a master at deception.

Her baby kicked and Rose held back a sob.

Stealing into Thomas’ room, Rose prayed to the Lord. She prayed for guidance, for strength, for something to make the bile in her throat lessen, something to make her actions feel like less of a betrayal.

Thomas woke at his mother’s touch, and she told him they were leaving. He asked her if papa was coming and a tear slipped down her cheek. She bent down to look him in the eye, and when she spoke, her words were thick with sorrow, but clear and low. “Not now, Thomas. We will see him again, one day, but not now.”

He didn’t understand, but followed where his mother led. Their footfalls were quiet, with the grace of God guiding them outside and into the night.

Rose had a destination in mind - somewhere Miles would never find them, somewhere where she would not see him at every street corner and in the aisles of a store. She thought of her life with him; her mind combed through those 9 years in a moment's hesitation and lingered on her mother’s words, spoken with gravity.

You already know what must be done.

Rose held Thomas’ hand in hers, the other resting on her pregnant stomach. Inside, the baby put her foot to where her mother held her. She knew what must be done for her children - there was nothing that was too difficult, nothing too unthinkable when done in their name. She prayed that one day, when she told Thomas of all that had been done, that he would not hate her for her actions, done in his name.

She did not look back at the farmhouse as she left. She had to leave Miles behind her. Still, she closed her eyes as she traveled into the night, the wind stinging her cheeks, damp with tears, and thought of the man she had met in Treegap, 9 years ago.

“Forgive me.”

[nalijahreads]

Top 10 Books of 2020

Hello everyone! I’m super excited for this post because this has been my best reading year since early high school. That means that I got to read many books that I really liked so it was actually kind of hard solidifying the entire list. I had been updating it after every book I read but for this post I made a few tweaks.

Of course, as a fair warning, this are simply my opinions. If you hate these books, that’s perfectly fine with me but I personally loved them and gave them all 4 or 5 out of 5 stars. Here were my favorite books of 2020:

1. A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas

Although two books separated the series in my ranking of books this year, I thought it’d be unfair for 4 out of my top 10 to be from the same series. This series seriously blew me away. It was the first time ever that I had to buy the next book in the series immediately so I could read it. I was hooked into the drama and fantasy world quicker than I have with any other fantasy I’ve read. I believe it was the first book that really pushed me toward fantasies for the rest of the year and I’m completely happy with that.

2. The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab

This is my favorite novel of the year but, as I said, the entirety of the ACOTAR series trumped it. Regardless, I’ve never been so drawn into a story and plot before. I finally understood what reviewers meant when they claimed that a story was “atmospheric”. The entire time I felt like I was experiencing every little thing with Addie because of how beautiful and lyrical V. E. Schwab’s descriptions were. I really, truly hope that, if/when I become more serious about my writing, that I will be able to write a novel like this.

3. Isla and the Happily Ever After by Stephanie Perkins

This was my contemporary romance of the year! Oh my gosh did it make me so happy and giddy with excitement and laughter––even sadness. Out of all of the books in this trilogy, this was definitely the most mature and reasonable and therefore my favorite. Nothing felt ridiculous or over done like in Lola and not immature like some themes in Annas. Josh easily moved towards the top of my list for fictional boyfriends because he was honestly so cute and real and ugh, the depth was amazing!

4. All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

Ah... The book that made me sob uncontrollably at 2 a.m. This book holds a special place in my heart because it’s only the second novel to have made me cry so heavily. Finch and Violet were such brilliantly made characters and I loved their arcs individually and together so much that I got attached. Even though for a few pages I could see it coming, my heart still broke into little piece over the last however many pages after... it. Although it had it’s beautiful and funny and heartwarming highs, I really felt the lows because of how much I cared.

5. We Were Liars by E. Lockhart

And then the third book that has ever made me sob. This was a narrative structure that I’ve never seen before and I didn’t hate it’s mysterious plot twists and turns at all. Although I feel like there are some hints or easter eggs that I might have missed in the first 75%, I still fully grasped the weight of the book. It broke my heart in the third (I believe) part because of how much I had, once again, grown to our four liars. So much so that I started to dislike them due to their very consistent (yay!) personalities and comments and habits which ultimately led me to be even more upset.

6. Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

This was important and impactful. The way that Celeste Ng managed to encompass so many histories and storylines from the past, present, and even some future was beautiful! It takes true talent to have so much control over so many different characters and relationships without it being confusing. And the fact that she handles the question of morality into the reader’s hands. The narrator doesn’t moderate anything, just tells us the story and let’s us decide and that is so important and more novels need to do it!

7. Carve the Mark duology by Veronica Roth

Once again, a series grouped together because they didn’t rank so far apart that they needed to be separated. This duo was specifically boosted for me because of the second novel, which I found was also the case for many others based on its Goodreads reviews. The experience of the growth in writing and within the characters was brilliant! This was fun and adventurous and the world is so expansive and I really loved how the plot in both books were handled. Nothing was ever rushed or ignored and no plot holes were left open and that’s all I ask for, especially out of such a short series.

8. The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken

This was another dystopian fantasy read that I really enjoyed because of how fun it was––simple as that! I really liked the way that Alexandra Bracken handles writing younger characters in such a traumatic setting. It felt more real than the 16 year olds in YAs from my middle school years who just knew everything immediately or fell in love in .2 seconds. Ruby actually grows and builds her strength and abilities throughout the entire novel so that she’s able to use them in the chaos at the end, and we’re proud to see that she’s taking control of her powers and not only because it’s a life or death situation. The relationship between Liam and Ruby (and Chubs and Zu) is absolutely adorable and the slow build into friendship and then the drive to protect each other and then to possible love (?!) is the sweetest thing I’ve seen.

9. City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

There were a lot of things ridiculous with this first book but it was really, really entertaining which is good for the first book in a long series. The world is so expansive and I believe that when Cassandra Clare gets a hold of it all in the later books it’ll be even better. The pacing is what keep me afloat in this book because it was constantly moving towards something new. Although that allowed some plot holes to open due to flying past subplots, I’m sure they’ll be addressed in due time. I mean, Cassandra Clare and this series/world wouldn’t be as dominating and popular if it didn’t get better... Right?

10. Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins

I didn’t include this with Isla and the Happily Ever After like I did the other series because it didn’t meet the level of love I had for Isla. It was fun but it was incredibly dramatic and very unrealistic on some fronts that I couldn’t manage to give it as much praise. Regardless, I laughed and I giggled and I swooned exactly where I was supposed to so it worked. Even with it being completely ridiculous, the exaggerations were almost endearing because it felt like a world further away from mine than most contemporaries. People need to admit, extremes can add to the appeal more than it takes away.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTE: Oh WOW, what a huge response to chapter one! We're so glad you all are happy the story is back and that you like what we've dropped so far. This chapter might answer a lot of the questions some of you have had up until now.

CHAPTER TWO

What did her mother just say? Swallowing hard, Anna tried to back up more but only ended up almost sitting in the quiche. "I d-don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on, Anna. I thought I taught you better than to lie to your parents. Especially about something this important." Her lips were smiling, but there was very real anxiety in her eyes. Both pale, smooth hands were wringing over each other, even if the rest of her looked more or less calm.

"I… what am I lying about?" she hedged. "You tell me."

A long sigh later, Elsa approached the table and pulled out one of the chairs and sat. "Thing is, even after all this time, I'm not quite sure that I'm not certifiably insane. But assuming I'm in my right mind… I know that I somehow met the you of today thirty years ago."

That was enough. Anna collapsed to the floor again, managing to catch the edge of one chair so that she didn't go down too hard. Elsa didn't bother to help her up this time; she merely waited, hands folded patiently on the tabletop. This was not a conversation Anna wanted to have. Just last night, her mother's lips had been places that no one else's had ever been.

But now she had another problem. Now that she was more awake, a war waged inside Anna's head: scenes from the past that she knew, had grown up experiencing… and this current world that was, somehow, true. The memories of Elsa smelling of vodka and two-day-old sweat as she lay on the couch, kids fighting about some stupid thing, played in tandem with the newly-minted scenes of Elsa laughing and smiling as they went out – the whole family – on a holiday. The same day, the same year. Only now Elsa wasn't plagued by depression and insecurity and alcoholism. Her father wasn't forced to slave away in a dull desk job while Hans had the entire weekend off. Her sister wasn't picked on and her brother wasn't dismissive; all around, there seemed to be a lot less McFly family depression.

What could Anna even say to that? 'Yes, Mom. Thirty years ago, on the night of your prom, you ate out your own kid and she knew and she liked it.' There was no way she could ever say such a thing to her own mother… even if she looked more like a TV MILF than the woman who had raised her.

She was still cringing at the word "MILF" having run through her head when said MILF said in a firm tone, "Anna Victoria McFly, you will tell me everything. Now."

Never in her life had Elsa spoken to Anna like that. Well. Never in her former life. She'd always been too drunk or hungover to dole out punishment, or else she had been snapping in a fit of rage. This was a stern mother who was a hundred per cent sure this conversation needed to happen and was waiting for it to progress. Eyes wet – but not from sadness, she couldn't have been able to explain these tears if she'd tried – Anna picked something else to focus on. Something she could manage for now.

"That's not my name."

Elsa snorted. "Of course it is. I named you."

"N-no, you're wrong. My name is Anna Lorraine McFly and whatever you think you're talking about, you're wrong about this."

"Anna Lorraine? We did consider that…" But Elsa was too distracted by other things to focus too deeply on that. "Alright. You really do want to do this the hard way. Very well; I can understand why."

Then she rose from the table, and Anna tried to scramble backwards. "Wh-what are you gonna do?!"

"Do? I'm going to get something from my room." The woman was utterly puzzled by that reaction. Anna had been expecting her to kick at her, or throw something. She would never actually attack her directly or with intent to cause real harm, but that didn't mean she had never lashed out with pure anger before. But this Elsa seemed to think Anna was overreacting for no reason… and maybe she was.

"I… um… what are you going to get?" But she didn't answer, instead merely walking down the hallway. "Mom?"

By the time she returned, Anna had dragged herself up to sit in one of the chairs. Her mother was carrying an old shoebox. As Anna looked on, puzzled, she knelt in front of the chair and began to take off Anna's sneakers.

"What the f-"

"If I put this on," she whispered as she tugged off the underlying sock, "and it doesn't fit… we'll never speak of this again. I promise." Then she lifted out…

A neon pink high heel.

Shit. Anna recognised it. Of course she did; she'd worn it – and its twin – the night previous. She knew she had lost them, but never thought that Elsa would find and keep them over years and years.

Immediately, Anna jerked her foot away. "Eww, I don't wanna wear a crusty… fashion fail from your childhood," she said. She was trying to sound simply dismissive, but there was real fear and desperation in her eyes. No. She couldn't- she hadn't been able to control herself with the younger version of her mother, and it had probably changed her in ways she could never know. But if she verified what her mother was thinking… well, it would probably destroy her. Months of therapy before she would even be able to begin explaining herself. How could she do that to her?

"It's just a shoe, Anna," Elsa said pragmatically. "What's so bad about trying it on?" Of course, there was nothing bad about it. But that shoe…

"Stop, please…" Anna said, voice much higher than she had intended.

Elsa looked up at her, eyes pleading. From that position, Anna had a very strong recollection of her being at her feet for a very different reason. Jumping up, she very narrowly missed kneeing her mother in the eye.

"Anna-"

"Stop!" Anna cried. The tears were back, and this time, they probably weren't going to go away. "You don't… you don't want this. You don't want to know…"

She heard the shoe drop, and Elsa exhale through her nose. She didn't speak for a second, but when she did, Anna just wanted to collapse again. Sob her heart out because Jesus Christ it was thirty years ago for her mom, and not even twenty-four hours for her.

"You've worn this shoe before," Elsa told her softly. "And this is the first time you've ever reacted like that. I don't need you to put it on… I just wanted…" Anna sobbed, a horrid, choked noise. She couldn't look at Elsa. "I was just trying to make a point," that soft, gentle, calming voice went on as Anna shook and wanted to escape, to do anything other than to be here, forced to confront the consequences of her actions.

"Well, you made it! You remember having some horrible shoes, so… so what? What do you want from me now?"

The room was quiet, save for Anna's ragged breathing, for a few moments. Elsa put the shoe back into the box with its mate and set it on the table. Then she stood and moved to stand next to Anna.

"So… I don't know how this worked for you," she whispered softly. "Kristoff and I have talked about it many times, and… tried to figure out how this happened. What even to call what happened! Of course, he spins theory after theory; astral projection, time travel. They all sound crazy."

At 'time travel', Anna's eye had twitched, but she tried not to otherwise let on. "Still don't know what you're talking about."

"Alright. Let's say you don't; that I'm making everything up. I definitely sound like the crazy one now. So I'll just say one thing and then go to my meeting. Take it or leave it." Taking a deep breath, she went on, "I love you, Anna."

"What?" Her hand clutched for something to hold onto, heart leaping into her throat. All she found was the back of the chair.

"You… seem surprised. Haven't I told you I love you before? You're my daughter, Anna. I'm always going to love you."

"No," she breathed, the kind words ripping her to shreds.

Maybe Elsa realised that she'd gone too far; just pushed Anna over the edge. She stopped speaking, instead moving around to stand in front of her daughter. Anna couldn't see much through the tears, but she still tried to turn away. Never had she felt so bare.

"Anna… please look at me," Elsa said. Her voice was so soft. Still, Anna didn't want to. She wanted to run and hide… but she was powerless. She stopped squirming, letting Elsa – her mother – wipe away her tears. The sight of Elsa crying was not as surprising as Anna thought it would be.

"I love you," Elsa said again, and this time, Anna only flinched a little – the sniffle didn't help. "I love you in whatever way you choose to interpret it."

Wha-?

"I think there was a reason I was drawn to you as a teenager," Elsa went on with a slight smile. "It seemed only natural that I would name my second daughter after the woman who taught me to love." Then, her face drew together, and eyes darkening. "But then you grew up, and when you were about thirteen, I realised you didn't just look like the first girl I-"

She cut herself off. Anna was curious – what was she going to say? Then her mind ran through the possibilities, and she decided it was better that Elsa hadn't finished her thought.

"You were her. You were becoming her, right in front of my eyes. Again, a lot of 'Outer Limits' scenarios came to mind, that you were… both possessed by the same spirit, clones… but it was you, Tori."

"No," Anna whispered, pushing a shaking hand into her mouth. "Don't call me that. Please!"

"The ways you moved, talked, ate. Kristoff mentioned that you ordered something called a 'Monster' at Lou's Café – which didn't matter back then, other than to sound funny. Not until recently, when he noticed you slam down cans of that disgusting concoction like they're going out of style, did he think anything of it. So many little details that just didn't add up about Tori, until we saw that our little girl was turning into her."

Anna's voice broke as she wiped at her own eyes now. "Mom, you have to stop this. It's… I d-don't know, I'm not ready! And I can't think…"

"You're probably wearing the purple underwear right now, aren't you? The Victoria's Secret underwear? I know what that means now, of course; back then, I had never seen anything from there because we didn't have them in Dell Valley. I thought it was some kind of private family joke." A dark chuckle. "And now, I suppose it is, in a way."

"Shut up! God, stop making it harder to… to just…"

Elsa's smile disappeared. This would be the point at which her old mother would have shouted, but instead, this Elsa only said in somewhat a sharper tone, "To just lie about it? To cover this up and pretend it never happened? That's what I've been doing for thirty years. Even harder the past few. How did you think I would handle the first girl I kissed vanishing, then popping up as a member of my family a couple of decades later?"

She was right. Unequivocally, painfully right about everything. And that was when it struck Anna with the force of a freight train: it was her fault. All of it was her own damn fault.

"Oh god…" she whispered, on the verge of collapsing. What kind of person did that to their family? Who knowingly did what she did with her mother?

She wanted to vomit. She wanted to cry and sob and scream. She wanted to go back in time and change it all again. Doc had to be able to fix this. He had to. It was in his name, for Chrissakes – Doctor Pabbie, right? There had to be something they could…

But she couldn't do any of that. Instead, all she could do was mumble out a wet, "I'm sorry…"

She no longer expected Elsa to yell. She was expecting a grounding. A time out at the very least, with no dessert for the rest of her miserable existence while they all tried to cope with exactly how royally she'd fucked everyone up. She expected Elsa to walk away. Maybe even kick her out of the house; out of the family, forever.

She did not expect to be pulled into a hug, soft shushes whispered into her ear. It only made her want to cry harder, and to her surprise, Elsa encouraged it.

"It's okay, sweetheart," she said. "Let it go."

So Anna, lifting her hands to wrap around her mother, clinging tighter than she could ever remember, just wept. It took a few minutes. In fact, at one point Anna got up to run away, but realised she had nowhere to go, so she only threw herself onto the couch. After a few minutes, she felt Elsa sit down next to her, curling her arm around her shoulders to give more comfort that she couldn't handle.

"I'm sorry!" she cried out in anguish into the throw pillow. "Mom! I'm so sorry, I- I d-didn't- I don't know, I don't know!"

"Shhhh," Elsa soothed her, petting up and down her back. "I know. I could see it in your eyes back then; I just didn't know what I was looking at."

"What?" she prompted through a sob. When Elsa didn't respond, she prompted, "W-what did you see?"

"I saw a very scared girl who didn't know what to do with her new feelings. At the time, I thought it was the same as my feelings; that this was new, and we were both women. All that. But once I realised you were Tori, it all fell into place."

They were going to have to talk about it, apparently. And now, Anna knew that feigning ignorance would get them nowhere. "I didn't mean for it to happen… I didn't! I don't know why…"

"Well. As slim as resources were in 1985, in this modern age we have more open to us." Pulling out her phone, it took her only a minute or so to pull up an article; evidently, she'd had it saved for a while. Then she handed it over.

"'Genetic Sexual Attraction'?" she read out. "What is this…?"

"Just read."

The entire article was fairly short, and reasonably self-explanatory. When she finished, Anna gave a watery snort. "You can't believe everything you read on the 'Net, Mom," she said. "This sounds like… I dunno, crazy sauce."

"It's true," Elsa said. "Humans are more likely to be attracted to people similar to them – similar skin colour, or facial structure. Eye colour. Even things like education. And, statistically speaking, who are we most similar to?"

"…Family."

This was so wrong, though. Couldn't her mother see that? Anna turned to her, mouth opening to say something, anything, when Elsa preempted her.

"When I first met you, I felt this gravitational pull. Like with no one I ever had. And I probably came off very strong and obsessed, but back then I was questioning myself, during a time where it was strongly discouraged. I was scared. And then you literally tripped into my life, and there was, for me, an immediate… attraction."

How could she be so calm about this? But as Anna stared up at her mother, she couldn't see her mother. She saw Elsa. Dorky, fun… scared of herself Elsa. Terrified, just like she had been that first night, of doing the wrong thing, or saying the wrong thing.

A familiar sense of shame welled up in Anna when she realised… she still wanted to kiss her. Today was evidently a crying day, at any rate. In a thin voice, she finally said, "I… felt it too…"

"Obviously," Elsa said with a soft, uncertain laugh. "Or else what happened in the car would never have happened. I'm… not saying that was right, but considering I didn't know who you were, and I was probably very different at that time… of course I couldn't help myself."

Her lip trembled. "B-but Mom… I don't want to…" Her throat closed up, and she gripped her elbows so tightly she was leaving marks.

"Do that with your father, or your sister and brother? I know. Neither do I; and I don't want to with you, either."

At that, Anna's head finally shot up and she looked at her properly again. She looked a little sad, but firm in her resolve. "You… don't?"

"No. You're a very beautiful woman, Anna, and I'll never forget that night, but… you are my daughter. I have to take care of you – and not in that way."

Was that a joke? It was; Elsa was making a joke about them hooking up. Anna let out a blast of highly inappropriate laughter, which prompted her mother to pet over her cheek, smiling. Then Anna stared down at the floor, scraping together a few thoughts.

"You… m-must be wondering how I could… why I would ever let you…"

That made her drop her hand. It was just too uncomfortable to talk about while they were touching. "I have. But I decided a long time ago, after a lot of emotional ups and downs, that whatever reason you had… you either had no choice, or you felt it was right at the time. Because I felt you in that moment."

Anna's mind flashed back to the moment in question. Never in her life had she experienced a climax like that. And somehow, Elsa could keep talking about it as if it was 'old news'… because it was. Thirty years ago.

"Mom, I really am sorry," she blubbered, but she forced herself to get the words out. "You came on so strong, and at first I was disgusted, b-but the more time went on, the less disgusted I felt and the more just… I dunno, grateful? B-because you were finally looking at me, finally giving me the love I wish you had before, even if it was in a fucked-up way!"

"Language," she murmured, but it was a lot less hostile than her old mother would have admonished her. Speaking of which: "What do you mean, 'finally'? Haven't I raised you with love since you were a baby? Even a few years ago when I realised who you were, I still kissed your forehead goodnight, still cheered you on. The minute I saw me pulling away was hurting you, I knew I had to… to grin and bear it. And it got easier the more I did it, to just love my daughter and… put the past in a box on a shelf."

Anna's heart twisted in agony and she was about to protest, to demand why Elsa had the gall to call what little love she gave her enough. However, she forced herself to calm down and really look at her mother. She had to remind herself that this Elsa was vastly different from the woman she had been forced to live with her whole life. Anna took a deep breath and could catch hints of the familiar perfume that her mother never wore anymore. She could see the love shining clear as day in Elsa's glacial pools, eyes that were bright and full of life, rather than tired and glazed over with a mix of drunkenness and depression.

She felt a furious jealousy rise towards the Anna of this reality. Of fucking course, the Elsa she had fallen so hard for would end up being the mother Anna had always desperately wished for.

But… she was the Anna of this reality, too. In her mind she could see both her mom – drunk, depressed, unhappy woman that she was – and the real Elsa. One always laughing and smiling; radiating light. This Elsa had no idea the kind of person she could have become – she did become, previously. She had no idea how meeting Anna had changed her, for the better.

And suddenly, Anna didn't feel nearly as bad. She gazed at her mother, eyes clear for the first time since they'd been alone. Yes, this was all her fault, and yes, she did fuck up, tremendously. But there was no denying it: her family, her life, was better for her having travelled into the past. Kristoff was stronger, Elsa was happier, her siblings were flourishing. And, if what they'd said earlier about going up to the lake held any weight, then Anna's own love life seemed to have been significantly more successful.

"You- when I was growing up, you liked to drink. A lot. And eventually you didn't do much of anything else. Dad was a loser- no he was," she added when it looked like Elsa was going to interrupt. "You didn't like Jennifer. It sounded like you hated her, and it felt like you hated me. The last time we hugged, I was prepubescent."

Of course Elsa couldn't understand. In her mind, the very idea of being that person was ridiculous to her. But she further proved she was not the woman Anna had grown up alternately lamenting and despising with her next reaction.

"I'm not sure what you mean. When did we ever behave that way? And we- I've always liked Jennifer. She's a sweet girl, even if I did notice… well, the reason you started dating her."

"The reason?" Anna mumbled distantly.

"Her hair. When you first met, she had that long blond braid…" Elsa hefted her own, which was hanging down her shoulder and resting on her chest. "Well, knowing who you would later become, I wondered if you had a 'type' without realising it."

That sent a weird thrill through Anna's stomach. No. She couldn't believe that; she wouldn't. But then she had another thought that she desperately snatched at. "W-well, what if the reason I liked you back in the 80s was because of Punzie's braid? Did you ever think of that?"

"No, I hadn't," she laughed softly. The smile was real, the amusement was real. Even if she was a little sad and anxious, her mother was actually enjoying talking to her. "But I guess that's likely, too. At least you're admitting you liked me."

"Of course I did! You were so cute, and hot, and s-sweet, and… and you were all over me, but not in a gross way, just… just because you seemed to think I was cool! Or 'rad' or whatever! And I'd never had anyone like me that much, not even Punzie, even if she really digs me she never…" But her voice faded when she realised she was babbling. Again.

And Elsa was still just smiling at her. It was soft and open, and even though it had been less than a day, Anna felt her craving the woman she'd left behind in 1985. She wanted her smile and her scent and her touch.

Her… lips.

Fuck.

The whole past week, Anna's concern had been to get her parents together while fending off Elsa's advances. She'd failed the second one, but she had thought – had hoped – that she'd come off relatively unscathed. That even though Elsa loved her, was in love with her, it was okay because she didn't know what they were to each other.

But now Anna had to confront the fact that she'd gone ahead and fallen in love.

"Fuck me," she breathed, running a hand over her bun. "Why this?"

"Careful; the last time you said those words, we ended up in a very unfortunate situation," Elsa murmured with a slight smirk.

"No, I- Mom, I didn't…" Her cheeks heated up as she was forced to think about it again. "You were all over me, and I couldn't pretend it didn't feel good… I wasn't trying to m-make that happen! I swear!"

"Of course I know that, Anna. Don't you think I figured that out? All your nervousness and the tears, they made total sense once I knew who you were. And… I had to take some time and deconstruct how I felt, of course. But that's all in my past. So I'm not going to begrudge you the time, the chance to do the same."

That was a lot more of a relief than Anna could say. For some reason, she felt this pressure to immediately figure out what her feelings were and how to fix them, but having her mother give her the gift of time was the best thing she could have done.

"I, um… okay." Trying for a smile, knowing it probably looked ugly and weird, she went on, "I'll work on it, Mom. Everything's just so fucked up now."

"Well, I know I didn't do anything wrong," Elsa needled her slightly. But the instant Anna looked down, she reached up to pet over her hair soothingly. "And you probably should have tried to resist a little harder, but I understand; this was… not a situation you could ever have expected, or have been prepared to deal with. So if you need forgiveness, you've got it. I'm not going to blame you for a situation so… so completely outside the norm."

Honestly, those were just the words that Anna needed to hear. She hadn't truly feared getting into trouble; no, perhaps underneath it all, Anna feared losing her mother again. It was obvious this Elsa and the one from a week ago were not the same person. The thought that perhaps she would end up driving Elsa to begin drinking again was not unfounded, though she was still glad for verbal confirmation.

Swallowing, Anna opened her arms; Elsa came forward to meet her, and it resulted in the tightest, warmest hug she could ever remember having.

This was nice. It was good. Safe, even, because some part of Anna realised that she was also scared that she had lost this, without ever having a chance to get to know the happy person her mother grew up to be. She had been afraid that her mother would reject her, knowing what they had been for a fleeting moment outside the school dance.

Sheer relief flooded her system. She hadn't fucked up enormously. She'd made a mistake, sure, but they could get through it! Together! Burrowing her head in, she simply breathed, appreciating the nearness. Eyes shut, and nose full of the pleasant smell of Elsa, Anna lost herself.

"Anna," Elsa chuckled very softly at the nuzzling. Was she still wearing Baby Soft? No… this was a much higher dollar perfume, but it couldn't mask the natural scent she adored. In fact, it complemented it rather well.

"I love you," she finally whispered, clutching at her back desperately. She pulled back and kissed her cheek, and Elsa smiled. Another kiss…

Once their lips grazed each other, Elsa's hand came up a lot faster than Anna thought it possibly could. She flinched from the quickness of the action, but then stilled when she realised she had only slid all four of her fingers between their mouths.

"No, Anna."

"What?" What she had been doing caught up to her, and she pulled away, swallowing hard. "O-oh, I- wait, that wasn't-"

"No." Elsa looked both sad and a little unsettled, but in control of her actions. Barely fazed. "Believe me, I know how easy it would be. But we can't."

Shaking her head quickly, she rushed to tell her, "I wasn't trying to, I p-promise! But it felt so good to finally… and I guess I wasn't thinking, Mom, I don't…"

She felt the tears forming in her eyes, and Elsa hugged her again. How could she be so different? Her old mother would have slapped her across the face for trying that, and shouted at her for an hour. Which, to be fair, was a very understandable reaction to your child trying to initiate any kind of romantic contact. How could she have turned out so wonderful because of such a terrible mistake?

So of course, she began crying again, despite the forgiveness. There was nothing else she could do. No words to explain herself. No words to justify her unwanted advance.

How had Elsa dealt with this? After finally realising who her Tori had been, how had she come to terms? How had she reconciled her feelings, pushed them away or destroyed them? Anna couldn't. Maybe after thirty years she'd be able to put them to rest, but… she also didn't want to. Like when she was angry and she just wanted to be mad, or when she was sad and she just wanted to cry. She didn't want to 'solve' her emotions. Put them on the backburner or pretend they didn't exist. In this moment she wanted them to fill her up because it just felt so good.

Why was she so weak? It wasn't fair to Elsa. In some back corner of her mind, she realised it wasn't fair to Punz, either. And that same corner cried out, saying, "But you do love Jennifer, too!" and while that wasn't wrong, it also didn't show the full picture.

With Elsa, here and now, there was a need. Not for sex, and not for kissing; not exactly. Perhaps it was a side-effect of her formerly-loveless home life, but welling up in Anna was a deep-seated need for intimacy. Emotional, physical… and perhaps sexual. And the thought didn't disgust her as much as she had expected – as much as she had hoped it would, because who actually wanted that with their mother? The thought was less off-putting than it had been in 1985, and that could only come down to the fact that Elsa now knew everything.

Or she had a thing for older women. Which… also wasn't out of the realm of possibilities. She had admitted that her celebrity pass was totally Aimee Mann, despite the hours of mockery she's copped from her friends afterwards.

Suddenly, Elsa's words rang through her mind again, this time with a very different meaning than perhaps she had intended. Wiping at her eyes, Anna looked up. "Wait, you… know how easy it would be?" she asked softly.

"Yes. Don't you think I thought about it, once I realised who you were? Never acted on it – because you're my child. And you are a child; maybe you're almost an adult now, but it would have been even more sick and horrible before this past year." Reaching up, she grasped both sides of Anna's neck. "You're a teenager! You deserved to… live your life! Be free, find happiness of your own! Not worry about your mother's weird hangup that might have only been her imagination!"

"But… you knew it wasn't. You said, you and Dad… you figured out I was Tori." But she understood what her mother meant, even if it was hard to wrap her mind around all the concepts right away.

"We did. And it didn't change how I felt about you. You're still my daughter, and I want you to stay my daughter."

"And I want to stay that, too!" Anna burst out with a sob. "But I also want more! A-and it's not that I'm planning to get it, or that I ever decided it, I just… feelings I can't…"

When Anna didn't finish her thought, Elsa prompted her gently, "Go on. You never have to be afraid of what you could say to me."

If that was true, she was about to test those limits. "I loved being held by you, Elsa. And kissing you. And… and everything," she whispered, chickening out at the last second and being unable to directly mention her mother devouring her in the car. "I want that, too, even though it's w-with you in the past, I… I would-"

"We can't," she said again firmly. "I don't want to do that with any seventeen-year-old at all, especially not one that came out of my womb. That was a different time, and we could be different people to each other then. But now, we have to put the boundaries back up, alright?"

It took Anna a few seconds to absorb the weight of that. "Y-you're right," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry… I just like, my body and my brain are fighting each other, and it's so stupid. I'm so stupid!"

"It's not stupid," Elsa said firmly. "And I don't want to hear you call yourself that. But we both need to start accepting that what we had back then… it's impossible. Life isn't fair and we don't always get what we want. And this is one of those situations that, no matter what, we would never be able to make it work.

"It took me a very long time to come to terms with what we did – what I did, even if it was unknowingly. I don't…" she trailed off for a moment. "I don't expect miracles overnight, Anna. That would be cruel and unfair. But I do expect you to try to leave the past in the past. I know how you feel about that Punz girl; chase her instead. Don't spend your life like me, always looking behind at what was, and what could have been."

Anna didn't say anything for a moment. She looked away, too many thoughts running through her head. Nothing concrete – a snippet of an idea, a thousand of them. Her face was sticky and probably still red, and she still couldn't help the way she leaned into the touch when one of Elsa's hands came to hold her cheek.

"There's my girl," Elsa said softly. Anna hoped she didn't realise how painful that simple line was. As she got up, Anna finally found her voice.

"What- what if I don't want Punz?" she asked. Lie. It was a lie, she did love Jennifer. But she refused to let her mother brush their own connection under the rug. Perhaps it was her youthful ideology, but she knew that if she didn't fight now, she'd never ever have a chance. And that was all she wanted; to really get to explore this instead of letting her mom shut it down, be the only one who chose. "What if we could…?"

"Anna!" Elsa burst out in exasperation. Not anger, or disappointment; just vague frustration at their situation. "You have a full life ahead of you, and 'Punz' is your own age – and much hotter than me, to be honest. I think you two could be very happy together, and so did you before today."

Stubborn to the last, Anna folded her arms over her chest and turned away from her. "She's not hotter than you. And I don't just mean you back in the 80s; like, sure that Elsa was really hot, too, but… you're a total MILF, okay?"

"I find myself really hoping you don't know what that stands for."

"I mean, you tell me a better time to use it than when it's actually my mom," she snorted. Elsa laughed, even if she was still less than comfortable. "Point is, I wouldn't mind either one of you sitting on my face. It's not a competition."

That finally did ruffle Elsa a little more than she had been up until that point. Sputtering for a second or two, she finally facepalmed. "God… you really need to stop with that. I said you can tell me anything, but flirting – and very effectively flirting – wasn't what I meant."

"Okay, okay," Anna mumbled. This version of Elsa was too kind and loving to be any more of a brat than she already was being, so she slumped back against the couch. "I know. I know, it's… this is all really weird. Especially since I'm probably acting way different than you remember me being yesterday, too."

At that, Elsa looked vaguely embarrassed. She didn't say anything until Anna prompted her with a nudge. "Well… not exactly…" she said. What? "You… yesterday, you didn't have any idea what had happened because, for you, it hadn't happened. Yet. But that… doesn't mean you were acting differently."

Anna just looked at her, mouth agape. When Elsa didn't seem to want to say anything more, she was forced to find her voice. "You- you mean…?"

"You were always a mommy's girl," Elsa said. She sounded less embarrassed and more… horrified.

"Holy shit," Anna murmured, not really talking to Elsa.

"Well, don't panic," she tried to reassure her, though she sounded a lot less comfortable about the topic now. "You never made any overt… advances; that's not what I'm trying to say. But I noticed little things. For instance, you were always offering to aloe me up when I had a sunburn, or give massages. Asking me to tell you that you're my 'favourite'. Innocent enough things on their own."

Nodding slowly, she said, "On their own. But… yeah, I guess if you're already worried about me having a thing for you… because I'm technically your first girlfriend from thirty years ago…"

"Nothing ever happened. I had a few stray feelings stirred up, but it didn't get out of hand, and I certainly never took advantage. I was very careful to never encourage you, and tried not to discourage you too harshly." This sounded a little rehearsed, as if she had to reassure herself about that aspect relatively often. "But yes, I did have to wonder a few times."

Swallowing hard, she toyed with the hem of her plaid shirt as she thought that over. "Um… I'm sorry, Mom. I'm not really the same Anna as her, completely, b-but I guess… I don't know, it's still bad, and I still feel like I should apologise."

"Don't," Elsa whispered, gripping her forearm. "It was sweet, and highly flattering. I loved that you wanted to be so close. I just couldn't let us get too close, that's all."

"I'm glad you and Dad are happy," Anna forced herself to say, trying to do what was right. To put those feelings aside and figure out what her life was like now. "A-and that, um, you seem to be doing okay."

Shrugging, Elsa went on, "We are happy. He's successful, and I'm independent, and out, and… well, your brother and sister are fine. I'd gladly take a weird lingering memory of my daughter from the past if it means I get to have this life instead of… well, that other one you mentioned. Which I can't even imagine," she added with a weak laugh, eyes wide and staring off into the corner.

"Yeah, you're way better off," Anna agreed readily. Then her brow furrowed. "Wait… did you just say that you're 'out'?"

Finally, Elsa gave her first honest smile of the day. She was proud of herself. "I am. Have been since high school – or, well, fairly soon afterward. After everything that happened that night – really, that whole week – I didn't want to hide anymore." She looked away, bashfully. "And Kristoff was great. He was my rock."

So that was how this life had been so successful. Mutual love and respect – something that had been sorely missing from the alternate life they'd led. And internal love and respect. Elsa didn't hate herself; didn't fight against her feelings with every fibre of her being. She had accepted herself, and that seemed to have made all the difference.

"Really? So like… are you and him… um…" Anna let out a little nervous laugh. "I don't want to say the wrong thing. But are you still my mom and dad?"

"Of course, honey," she told her honestly, pulling her close and wrapping her arms around her tightly. "But… well, the romantic component to our life faded years ago. Now we're more like business partners in the company that is this family; committed to supporting each other, and we're good friends. And that's about where things are now."

Sadness settled into her chest. But it wasn't too biting, given what she knew about her original reality. "Oh. Well… I guess that's good, since you two were kind of the same before. Except you hated each other."

A little crease formed between Elsa's eyebrows. "Why? If you don't mind me asking. Since I don't believe I will ever meet that version of myself."

"The drinking. Plus, you remember how Dad was birdwatching in front of the house when I saved him?" Elsa nodded; that at least put to rest how much she remembered from the past. Anna was working through things mentally even as she was speaking, but as the words came out of her mouth she could feel they made the most sense. "Well, he was supposed to get hit with the car. Then you would pity him and take care of him, and you went to the dance together. So… he didn't really get that big boost of confidence from taking down Hans, and… I mean, it looks like it was super effective in this reality."

But that raised another question: what happened in the other reality? Had Hans…? The thought made Anna sick. That version of Elsa had never spoken about herself like that – it had always been "in my day, I did this," or "when I was a child, I would have never!" But if Kristoff never stopped him…

Perhaps it was lucky, then, that their peace was broken by the sound of the doorbell. Anna whined when Elsa stood up – she couldn't help herself – but it only earned an exasperated smile. She didn't bother to see who was at the door. Instead she took advantage of her solitude to look around the living room. It was going to take some time, getting used to this. Getting used to the dual memories, too. At least she could trust that she had a mother to help her, now, instead of hinder.

"Anna?"

"What?" she whined, slouching as she dutifully got to her feet. It took half a second for her back to straighten, and she rubbed at her face to remove the last traces of her tears. "Punz!"

TO BE CONTINUED…