#Recent jobs today
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bangtan literally everyday of chapter 2: don’t forget about bts please
armys literally everyday of chapter 2: i saw seven rocks together at the park today and i cried
#bro they really think we’re gonna forget them like….#so many things on a daily basis remind me of them#i even posted abt this recently but even when i’m just. making myself lunch. at my wfh job. i’m like hm i wonder what bangtan ate today#i just. can’t wait for 2025. and to show them that we never ever went anywhere nor will we ever ever go anywhere#.txt#bts#bts x army
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i’ve been living in patrick world i guess
the piece itself is very small because i have the intention of cutting it out and putting it on my computer hahaha
#fall out boy#fob#patrick stump#art#acrylic painting#acrylics#traditional art#boldandbrash gallery#my art#i also recently acquired gesso and acrylic markers#i can use gesso now in my sketchbooks to make#the surface easier for me to paint and i used#the markers mainly for the background and patrick’s face lol#spent like 3 hours painting it hehe#also i quit my job today
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this job search has me feeling so bitter and negative recently and i hate it so bad :((((((( plus i think spending so much time on tumblr is starting to affect me cause i find myself being needlessly mean or like overthinking the most random online discourse and it's not good for me!!!
#also looking at what my old classmates is up to did not help#plus got the most shittiest job offer today (for a job APPARENTLY a hr from me for 13/hr haha no)#so yeah............. god please give me a good paying job soon..... pls#i feel like recently ive been wrestling with the idea that im disappointing my younger self#like she had so many hopes and dreams#and here i am with barely achieving any of them :(#luna.txt#damn this is like the 5th vent post i made on here in the past 2 months aint it................ welp
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spent weeks psyching myself up to stand up to my mum and then immediately got shot down by her 😃👍
#vent incoming i apologise in advance for the long tags#we've lived together just the two of us since dec 2021 (although her boyfriend is here like 2/3 of the time as well)#and since i got my job in march 2022 i have been paying half of all the bills (literally down to like tv license when i barely watch the tv)#which is £300 a month#plus i buy all my own food + pay for the amazon prime she uses + contribute to various household things like toilet roll etc#and she doesn't have a mortgage so i am paying the same amount as her to live in her house#(and it is very much her house not our house)#and I've never been very happy with any of that but never complained either#but then recently it turned out she never set up the water bill when we moved in (it's one of the only bills i didn't sort for us)#so we have a huge backdated bill from dec 2021 and i knew she was going to tell me to pay half#so for the past month or so I've been preparing myself for this conversation and sure enough today she came and said 'we owe £700'#so i was like 'oh i thought maybe it would've been covered by my £300/month' which is the biggest stand I've been able to work myself up to#and she immediately started going on about how i live here too and use water too so it's just as much my responsibility to pay#and how when we're both earning i should be paying my share and i was like yeah i know that's why i never complained about paying before#but also i already pay more than most people would to live with their parents#and she went off about how actually most people charge their grown up kids rent on top of the bills so really i'm lucky i don't have to#(when she got the original £300 figure it was actually rounded up from like £240 to include 'rent' but i wasn't gonna bring that up now)#and in conclusion she doesn't see why she should be subsidising my bills#like i don't know maybe because you're my MOTHER and i am your CHILD who is just starting out in the adult world#and maybe that entitles me to being treated better than some lodger???!!!!!#anyway i paid the bill and now i'm trying and failing at not crying at my desk 😃#talking
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girl help I’m experiencing
#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to????#everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want#one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around#I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow?#and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted#and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces#which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes#and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE#on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal#and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties#maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties#I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff#I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack#or early next year#and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it#ughghghghghghggh#I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat.#after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing#anyway how are you?
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Answering dis ask chopped up too
thank u, but my situation isnt that dire! Thats where half the problem comes from, i struggle because its really not that bad here, i just would like to leave for the regular reasons anyone would wanna leave home (+ being trans), that joke about what you dont pay in rent by living with your parents, you pay with your mental health etc etc
#talkys#anonymous#skunk mail#i wldnt call it abusive by any means...just annoying#like today's Last Straw is ive gone years without frequent human contact bc i dont make online friends#and all my irl friends are busy or have moved. ive hung out with a new online buddy like 3 times this month#told my dad im busy today watching movie with them so i cant go to target with him and now him and my mom are#getting into my business about who this is and why theyre more important and how I cant be doing this or w.e#its just Annoying. i just want to be able to do whatever i want without worrying i want privacy etc#not sure thats worth a job i hate and struggling to make rent but it is annoying and Toll Taking#oh also we're watching the saw movies and i mentioned this bc he interrogated me on what im doing with this friend#and then he made comments about how i shldnt be doing that bc those movies are awful#this is the same man who introduced me to the beatles as a child then banned me from listening to them as a teen#bc theyd have demonic brainwashing influences or some shit#im just tired im simply tired#i found out recently even the favorite child (my brother) has issues with them and thats whats made me want to leave more like#im not strong enough to withstand it if even the favorite cant. im jst tired i want to leave
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if u see me pumping out fic after fic just assume my life is going into shambles
#loorrddddd#ive been doing pretty ok recently#but now im starting to get a little overwhelmed again#idk why#money is ofc a big issue as always#still can't get a job#had that conversation again today#like i'm feelin a lil miserable this week#idk#maybe it's just a bad week#i think i will just continue to rot in bed for the rest of my life 🙏🏼#anyway
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Why is indeed recommending me jobs in NEW JERSEY ??
#i haven't been seeing as many baking jobs recently#and then im looking today ... and seeing a lot more for some reason.......#and im like dang. where did these come from#THEY WERE ALL IN NEW JERSEY AKDJSKD????
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Me at 10:30pm, delusional: I can definitely do the Cazador fight and then go to sleep at a normal time
#j rambles#I Feel So Normal About These Characters#i gotta say it's still a hard fight but the blood of lathandar makes it. significantly easier lol#i don't have anything insightful to say other than just. god i love astarion's story. they did such a good job#plus the graveyard scene was super sweet#(i knew about the 'absolute freak' line but i never knew what conversation it triggered in so that made me actually laugh out loud)#only dampened a little by the amount of animation bugs I've been seeing since the last patch#interactions with the taller player character have felt a little janky recently#i also got my halsin scenes earlier today and whenever my character kisses him in the camp they both try to lean down which looks very sill#(now i get why halsin is written Like That in fanfic. holy hell)#anyway. i made a save before the fight so i may go back after this run to see what the ascension is like#i don't think it'll be as satisfying but i am curious#OKAY i have to go to sleep it's nearly 2#in which j liveblogs#baldur's gate 3
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i have looked at my resume so many times that half of these words do not look like english anymore
#i don't think my most recent resume updates are being well-received so i'm making more tweaks#i just keep changing how i word things & shuffling what projects and experiences i put on there. and what buzzwords i use lmao#data science bitches love their actionable insights and their cross-functional teams and their data storytelling#i have applied to 133 jobs btw. BTW!!!!#today i created a list of 35 more listings i'm a match for so at least there's shit out there......... 🥲#what i need to do is not apply to jobs every single day. i need to pick like 3 days to apply#then spend the rest of the week doing other productive stuff. like side projects and studying for technical interviews#it makes me feel much less hopeless when i scroll through multiple days of job listings and see dozens i'm qualified for#idk yesterday was 3 months since i found out i was getting laid off and i'm freaking out#m.txt
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omg @ the state hire meeee i. am making a game in python. dont ask what it is just know its happening ^_^
#brie rambles#i still dont know when 2 make the official announcement of another game#24 pages written [NOT RECENTLY.] but i think i should wait#also so i dont look. as insane. immediately declaring a new project#plus i gotta look into a bug today#anyway. @ jobs hire me
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tale as old as time
pointy objects chapter at 1k words: oh god this is gonna end up so short its gonna be WEIRD and out of place oh god
pointy objects chapter at 3k words: hmm. perhaps not
pointy objects chapter at 5k words and climbing, less than 50% of the way through the outline:
#pointy objects#i never learn. happened with the kaemaki And saiou chapters……and thats just Recent memory#its fine. it will be fine. it just makes PLANNING WHEN TO WRITE STRESSFUL……especially when i have a job w no set hours now too. gulps#whatever Its fine i got some done today and now jts bedtime so i dont stay in bed until NOON again…..#i have Much research to do tmrw for the next portion to write…..exciting but also daunting bc this is uncharted territory#we’re still looking good for the 20th KNOCK ON WOOD so its fine. im sure. im done looking at the doc now
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finally talked to a doctor today 🥳 hopefully i'll hav some meds by tomorrow. im gonna crawl out of this fucking pit i swear to god
#i am so grateful for my husband i would not Be Here without his support#watch your feet#if i have been a bad friend recently i am in survival mode tysm for ur patience i am barely alive!!!!! i am trying tho!!!!!!!!!!!#i hate my job i also put in some new applications today just in case meds dont make it tolerable#but idk progress has been made. I'm Trying. It's Not Fucking Easy.
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Worked on pictures for about 8 hours straight, stopping a few times for crying breaks, but it's done. I made the slideshow and sorted it real nice. The sorting was half the time by itself. But I think I did a good job.
Also emailed my advisor. Look at me go.
#speculation nation#negative/#i guess. since i mentioned the crying.#ive been dissociating majority of the past week in that ive just not been feeling my emotions#oftentimes purposefully. a few times Very purposefully.#but sorting through the pictures like that. creating an entire timeline of my father from youth to recent#seeing him grow older (but not old enough)#it made me think of the full life he lived before now. so many experiences and so much joy#and then his death. sudden. clumsy. meaningless.#a man can live a full life with so much love#then one day. without any warning. he dies.#i think it was his girlfriend who mentioned us possibly being in shock. and i think she might be right.#such a sudden upheaval. and ive barely gotten the chance to process it#because theres so much to do so im kept plenty busy#but the times the veil lifts and i feel my emotions my heart hurts so much it feels like it's wrenching.#it's an awful feeling. so ive neen depending on the separation from my emotions to get me through.#it's done a marvelous job so far. but today. tomorrow. and especially saturday. i dont exactly have that option anymore.#i dont know what the next few days are gonna bring me#tbh i just want it to be over.#if im not gonna wake up from the nightmare of my dad being dead. then at least let it rest so it doesnt hurt so bad.
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I feel really sick and ill about the guy at work who won’t take the hint actually like I’m home now sitting in my room and I feel Terrible. physically nauseous.
#like. I’m a recent manager I’m a very New manager#but even so. i was a manager when we hired him.#i was fresh like literally 3 weeks under my belt but even so#i interviewed and hired and trained him As His Manager#and he was super normal at first he would only ever text to ask questions about the job or the campus#but then he fucking. saw me on bumble.#so now he knows I’m single and available.#and actively looking for people. and he thinks he is people.#and he keeps asking me to hang out outside of work#he keeps talking to me about how at his last job he literally dated his boss#and like I’ve been joking about it up until now but it does not feel funny anymore it’s making me feel ill#bc today we worked a class together and afterwards I’m gathering my stuff and he was like#hey if you wanna hang out I’m down. I’m not doing anything. i get really bored and kinda lonely. wanna hang out?#and I was stunned into silence I didn’t know what to say I could tell he wanted me to commit to something Right That Second#and finally I just kept being like oh maybe. um maybe. idk maybe.#i felt soooo backed into a corner about it. and I was talking to juno and they pointed out. that he probably thinks I like him back#but I’m just shy. and/or deterred by being his manager.#and now that they’ve said that I 100% think that’s what’s happening and I’m so. I’m so. I’m so fucking upset about it.#i do not know what to do I think I might try to talk to our big boss about it but he’s just always so busy#i feel like an idiot#op
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One of my former classmates got hit by the Microsoft blizzard stupid layoffs god this SUUUUUCKSSSSSS
#why are we just numbers to the stupid business people!!!!#I swear 2 god it feels like in gamedev we just have each other#gamers can be so vile and ragey and awful#the people in charge don’t care about us either#we have to look out for each other it’s so fucking brutal in gamedev 😭😭😭😭😭#sorry I’m fucking gnawing at the walls today and yesterday but this is#so god Damn stressful#like do I have better security if I go back to film??? idk!!!! I don’t want to tho#but I guess I am lucky with that option#maybe even. idk. I got lucky with both jobs I’ve had#but when is my luck gonna run out huh????#god it’s good that I started therapy again recently lol
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