#SORRY TO ANY PUNK FANS WHO SEE THIS PLEASE IGNORE ITS OKAY

[finndoesntwantthis]

Hello. Im the guy who almost likes all of your wrestling posts because seeing someone so passionate about wrestling dilfs is both hilarious and awesome.

Which makes me very curious why you dont like cm punk. Dont have to answer me of course, just asking. What did he do?

Hi yes!!! I see your likes and they are much appreciated 😌

Imma keep this under a Read More out of respect for my mutuals who are punks fans, I don’t judge y’all lol

It’s hard to explain my dislike for him lol I was gonna type out this big long thing explaining ALL the reasons in detail but that was starting to feel kind of ridiculous. So instead I’ll just bullet point real quick:

-I’m a lifelong Jeff Hardy and John Cena fan

-I was not watching wrestling, or even really a wrestling fan at all, by the time Punk was at his most popular

-my only memories of him before that were of him saying bad things about Jeff Hardy’s addiction

-also the only thing I heard about him when he was popular was that he complained a lot about John and lmao I was still in love with John when I was in high school so my only thought was “well this guy, whoever he is, seems jealous and annoying.”

-mostly my dislike in terms of wrestling related reasoning is more about his fans and how fucking annoying so many of them are. From high-jacking segments/matches (especially women’s matches) with chants of his name, to begging him to come back as if there aren’t now PLENTY of people who should be getting the big super star treatment and he really doesn’t need to be here to “save wrestling” because lmao we are literally watching other people do that??? They’re al just living in the past and can’t see that....honestly he’s not needed anymore ????

-the FINAL straw however, has come with all of this shit with Colt Cabana. Idk if you know about it, and you can definitely easily research it to see all of the shit that happened, but I’ll try to summarize as best I can,

-I’ve become a very big Colt cabana fan the last couple years because he’s so funny and a great wrestler, and yeah he’s hot, but also he seems like a genuinely nice and beloved person who treats everyone great. Idk but I always got vibes that punk was a little stuck up? Like I don’t have proof he just gives me this feeling like he’s kind of mean? And this thing I’m about to talk about certainly feeds into that lol

-so like I’m totally on Punk’s side with all the doctor drama, and I don’t think he or Colt should have been sued because lmao yeah they didn’t do anything wrong. But then.....a lot of stories started to come out about the entire process.

-basically what happened between punk and Colt was that Punk had initially told Colt that he would take care of the lawyers. Makes sense since he was the rich friend, and also like it was his fault they were getting sued?? (Even tho again they shouldn’t have been sued, but it was still Punk’s words that caused it). So yeah he was going to pay for the lawyers and they were supposed to be part of the suit as one defense party.

-THEN it gets out that punk, I guess, changed his mind and wanted Colt to pay for his half of the legal fees which???? Colt isn’t rich so he really couldn’t??? And punk had told him he’d take care of it??

-this kind of forced Colt to get his own lawyer, and while it was the same suit, there were now two defense parties (okay if you don’t know how the law works this can be confusing but I’m familiar with this so), and Colt now had to pay for his own representation.

-thankfully they won but Colt could have had his life ruined by this because he wouldn’t have been able to afford to pay anything to wwe and the doctor because he is not a rich man!??

-there’s an episode of Colt’s podcast where he recorded a day to day summary of the trial. It’s a very painful thing to listen to because he’s making some little jokes but over all he just sounds so exhausted. He also talks about how all the stress made him physically ill to the point where it felt like he had the flu. Even to this day he still alludes to the fact that this was the lowest point in his life.

-I just cannot wrap my head around the way punk treated the person who was supposed to be his BEST FRIEND of like 2 decades. Like I literally cannot fathom or find any logic in it. Who would get their friend in trouble (again whether they should have been sued or not it was happening and it was because of punk) and then proceed to 1) tell him you, the friend who can afford to, will pay for the legal stuff, and then 2) turn around and change your mind and try to make your friend pay for something you know they really can’t afford??? Like idk if I told my best friend I would do this.......I would do it???

-Maybe I’m just naive but??? I really question his entire character over all of this. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. And when I add it together with all the bad vibes I always got....I just don’t like him, idk. He just gives me very bad and untrustworthy feelings. And it’s all probably really dumb of me but it’s hard for me to let go of these kinds of things.

[hawkland]

Dear Fandom5k Author

My AO3 account (sidewinder)

Hello and thank you for writing for me! I’m excited to give this exchange a try for the first time and cannot wait to read what you can come up with for one of my requests. Please note I’d love any of them equally, no matter if I have more prompt ideas for one or the other. Some I seriously would love just about anything about since they are so rare, others I have more specific requests to scratch itches I haven’t seen written before (or that much.)

General Likes:

Soumates with a twist. I love soulmate/soulbond AUs, as long as it’s just not a shortcut to happily-ever, no-conflict fluff. I want there to be some difficulties or angst involved. For instance, I’d love seeing any fusion/inspired-by fics based off the concept of the AMC Soumates series - where there’s a newly-developed scientific test a person can choose to take to find their soulmate (if the other person out there has also taken the test). That way it’s a choice to find out or not. Would an already established couple want to take the test to find out if they’re really “meant” to be together or not? What if they find out other people are their “soulmates”? What about the possibility of platonic soulmates vs romantic? Discussions for the future if/when one partner dies before the other? I’d love to see these questions played out with one of my fave ships in either a  happy or somewhat angsty/dark way.

Vacation/travel stories. Being unable to travel this past year+ thanks to covid-19 has me desperate to explore and live vicariously through my favorite characters! So I’d love a story involving travel to somewhere new (to them). It could be a romantic getaway/honeymoon trip to somewhere special - and I love it when an author “takes me” to a favorite city/place of their own. Or two friends just going on an escapade together, maybe one sensing the other needs some time away from a stressful situation or workplace.

Smutty likes: I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, light restraint play, sharing-one-bed-for-~reasons~-ooops-how-did-we-wake-up-cuddling, bathing/caretaking an injured partner-turns-erotic, desperate/reunion sex.

Canon-divergent AUs - I’m always good with fix-its, shifts in canon that only change one thing and see what happens next or instead.

Do Not Wants:

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats. (I do like Supernatural fics that explore Castiel and the angels having bird-like behaviors and instincts, however.)

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth/kidfic (except for Jack in SPN)

formalized BDSM relationships

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/mundane/genderswap/coffee shop/fantasy/etc. There are a few ships/groups where I would enjoy specific AUs, and those are outlined below.

Completely sad endings/permanent character death or injury that isn’t part of canon

Rape/non-con between requested characters. Dubious consent is fine in situations like magic spells/possession/fuck-or-die, however.

Supernatural

AU - Canon Divergence, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Fix-it fic, Interpersonal Drama, Smut, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, Worldbuilding, Horror

In general for SPN, I love canon-divergence AUs at pretty much any point in time (especially as they kept having so many dumb reasons in canon to keep Dean & Cas apart just when one or the other seriously needed support or TLC!) I’m okay with post-series Heaven fics as well as canon fix-its/completely ignoring the finale, and I like exploring both human!Cas as endgame or Cas keeping/getting his full angelic grace back (which is a slight preference to me, as he repeatedly seemed to genuinely value/want to be an angel? But exploring all possibilities in fic is cool for me.)

I’m a sucker for Castiel Whump/hurt!Cas in general, so long as the author remembers Cas is a bad ass and not just a baby in a trenchcoat. If he’s going to suffer, I want him to suffer stoically until he just cannot keep up the facade any longer.  

SPN-specific DNWs: mentions/implications of Wincest, past or present; extreme bashing/characterization of John and Mary Winchester, or Jimmy Nowak, as homophobic. 

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester

Give me all the finale fix-it fics - no I’m still not over it, I’m still happy to read any new twist on how Cas got out of the Empty and got back together with Dean (and Sam). If Dean still dies early/ends up in Heaven, I’d like a story that explores what happens when one gets bored of peace-and-happiness-ever-after. (Yes, I’m a big fan of The Good Place and as such it makes me wonder if eternity with no conflict and everything you could ever want would just melt your brain and identity after a few millennia.) So what then?

I’m also stealing a Tumblr rant as a prompt I’d love to read, if you want to get into some good dirty smut:

ive had it up to here with fictional gays being like “i love you and if all i can ever have is that knowledge it’s enough for me” we need more “i have been struck down by horny insanity and i beg you to fuck me once. i’ve had three smirnoff ices and i’m gonna be crazy now. we can pretend it didn’t happen i don’t give a shit just gimme daddy’s blunt instrument” it’s more realistic [x]

Um so yeah. I’d love an au where, anywhere along the line when it’s been their/someone’s/the universe’s life on the life, Cas takes the initiative decides they’re gonna have crazy sex even if it’s just once before the end of the world/we die. But then, oops, we’ve survived, now we have to deal with it. ...Please?

For something different, maybe more romantic/fluffy, I’d really love a vacation/getaway story here, since they never really got anything like that of substance on the show. I want to see Cas take Dean somewhere beautiful and amazing in the world he’s never gotten to see before. Show him there’s more than just greasy diners and the landscape of America to enjoy and experience. If you want, they could stumble on a case/haunting/monster from another part of the world while they’re at it...but I just really want to see Dean having some mind-opening and expanding experiences beyond what’s he’s known and seen so far in life.

In specific with Cas/Dean + Sam, I love another tumblr idea I saw recently where Sam totally keeps bringing up the idea of “Sastiel” as a fun joke between him and Cas, and Cas plays along, and it drives Dean up the wall. Cas has to just keep re-assuring Dean that no, he doesn’t see Sam that way...but why does it bother Dean so much? A.k.a. Dean has to finally own up to the fact that it bothers him because he wants Cas to feel that way about him.

Castiel (Supernatural)

I just love Cas, period, end of story, he’s my One True Character of SPN. I love any stories that try to explore him more fully—be it his relationships in the past with other angels and being a BAMF commander/warrior of Heaven, or what specifically it is that keeps him so tied to the Winchesters. I love stories that feature his true-form in some fashion or try to dig into the alien/different nature of angels vs. humans.

Also, another Tumblr-musing-turned-prompt (I lost who posted it, sorry!) I'd love to see explored in a canon divergence fic focused on Cas. Specifically: 

"I would have loved an arc for Cas (after he got his grace back) where he wanted to help people, like he was helped. Spending time in soup kitchens or healing people, and through that developing a sense of self purpose, leading to his grace replenishing unexpectedly. Sort of fulfilling the traditional angel role (as we know it nowadays) by replacing his faith in heaven/dean with faith in himself, to redefine himself as a protector of humanity instead of heaven's soldier."

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Jimmy Novak Group: Castiel & Jimmy Novak

We know Cas carried a lot of guilt for what happened to Jimmy and his whole family. So I'm interested in a post-finale, canon-compliant (I guess?) fic where Cas tries to reconcile things with Jimmy in Heaven. Maybe Jimmy & Amelia were one of his first "projects" or test cases in trying to build a new and better Heaven with Jack? (And it's what he was so busy with while Dean was still alive.) Or, is it weird in Heaven with Cas and Jimmy looking so similar? Does Cas still fight doubts as to whether Dean really loves him, or just desires this body/form that isn’t his own?

Otherwise, I've been thinking about Endverse!Cas, who had lost his grace/powers as the angels have all left and abandoned humankind. What happened to/where is Jimmy in all of that? (If we go by the canon that Jimmy was not killed, nor went to Heaven, until the end of Season 5, when Lucifer blew up that vessel and Cas was resurrected by Chuck.) Are they now two "mortal men"/souls trapped sharing one body? Is that why Cas is so messed up/always seeking an escape through drugs and sex? (Besides of course Dean having changed so much.) This is one prompt where I don’t mind a very dark/not-so-happily-ever-after ending.

The Police

Angst, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Humor, Interpersonal Drama, Smut

Group: Sting/Stewart Copeland

Yeah I’ll always request these two together even though I know it’s a long shot to find anyone else as obsessed about them as I am. Really anything at all whatsoever would make me happy for this ship: Reunion Tour-era fic, early punk days before they grew successful, soulmate AUs...

I’d also love a spooky story where they’re on tour/on the road somewhere and end up in a haunted hotel. Or their tour bus/van breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they have to seek shelter in an abandoned house or farm or something...and supernatural weirdness ends up affecting them or bringing them together.

If you want to go the crack route: it wasn’t enough for Miles to take them all around the world to tour in “exotic” locations back in the day. He’s arranged for them now to go on the ultimate tour...of outer space and alien worlds.

Crossover Fandom

Action/Adventure, Character Development, Interpersonal Drama, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural

Group: Abe Morgan (Forever TV) & John Munch (L&O: SVU)

I’ve had a long running headcanon that these two could have been friends back in their respective 60s/early 70s hippie days. I’d love either a story set back then, “pre-canon”, or them running into each other in NYC later in life. Munch ending up in Abe’s antique shop, for instance, while on an investigation?  

Group: Dean Winchester (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone) Group: Castiel (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone)

I’m fascinated by the idea of crossing over these two canons. Even if there’s some conflict in their approach to Hell/Lucifer/demons, there’s still a lot in common. Dean & Ezekiel having both put in their time in Hell and being demon hunters, for instance, and their complicated relationships with (fallen) angels. I’d love to see them bonding over their experiences (Maybe they even meet in Hell? Time DOES work differently there…) Maybe somehow after Ezekiel completed his mission for the Devil, he did get his second chance at “life on Earth”…but the devil’s trick is that it’s not HIS Earth, it’s in a different dimension (Supernatural’s). I’m also curious how Ezekiel might respond to Castiel as an angel–perhaps he mistakes Cas for a demon at first, with his powers, but then they realize they are in fact hunting the same demon? Cas is stuck in an alternative dimension and recognizes Ezekiel as a similar soul to Dean’s, and seeks out his help?

Basically I’d love some kind of casefic/demon hunt here, with the characters bonding over their shared/similar past traumas, taking care of each other when/if injured on a hunt, and/or perhaps helping them sort out their complicated feelings for another (ie, background Cas/Dean and/or Zeke/the Devil are TOTALLY welcome here, as I ship both of those ships.)

Law & Order: SVU

Group: John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola

Character Development, Established Relationship, Humor, Getting Together, Interpersonal Drama, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, AU-Genre shift

Munch/Fin is one of my eternal OTPs so I’m always happy to see something new featuring them! I’m always good for procedural/case-fics. And this is one request where I’d love to read some AU-Genre or setting shift, reimagining the two in some other situations besides police work. I’ve always loved the idea of John hosting a conspiracy/weird news radio show or podcast, and Fin as someone completely skeptical but who gets wrapped up in one of John’s mysteries. Or John as the owner of a bar somewhere that Fin is one of his regulars, and over time their friendship develops/deepens into something more.

Supernatural RPF

Misha Collins/Jensen Ackles Established Relationship, Getting Together, Smut, Fluff, Slice of Life, Humor

It’s odd for me to be into an actor RPF fandom (I usually only fall for music/band-related ones), but what can I say...these two just make it almost impossible not to see the possibilities!

I was thinking I’d love something set post-Supernatural...their first time seeing each other again after a long time apart? (What with the show ending, covid, Misha’s surgery, etc etc.) Could be at a convention or maybe they get to go off on a getaway together somewhere private/romantic and it’s...kind of tense and maybe nervous/angsty at first? Like with doubts about whether they can/should go back to the way things were before.

Or: putting tin-hatty speculation about the “secret/real identity” of Alma Perpetua aside, I love their poetry and I’d love any “Cockles” fic using one of their poems as inspiration.

[johnnydoe69]

Shedding the Old Skin

Timothy sat on his boyfriend’s couch exhausted. His head throbbed, his pits stank, and sweat continued to pour down his face and neck. Timothy had spent the last four hours handing out Kevin Thompson re-election flyers in the sticky New York City heat. A pile of untaken flyers mocked him from the coffee table with the profile of Kevin Thompson seeming to glare at him. 

    Meanwhile, Timothy’s boyfriend, Freddie, strolled around his kitchen in nothing but a pair of stained underwear, grabbing bags of chips and a bong. Timothy wasn’t the biggest fan of smoking pot, but he was afraid that Freddie already saw him as a pussy and he didn’t want Freddie’s opinion of him to sink any lower than it already was.

Not that it seemed to matter. Timothy figured it was only a matter of time before Freddie left him for someone more confident and more open about their queerness. Freddie had come out as a trans guy at 16 and gay at 24, while at 28 Timothy was still in the closet. He didn’t even want to hold hands with Freddie in public, let alone do any of the reckless shit Freddie wanted to do like fuck on a park bench or giving each other hickies on the subway. 

Timothy was constantly aware of straight people’s opinions of him as he went about his life and he did everything in his power to hide from them. He made sure his voice was low and masculine whenever he spoke in public. He only wore button-up shirts and khaki pants, he kept his blonde hair short and trim, and he made himself as quiet and small as humanly possible to avoid attention.

Freddie plopped himself on the couch next to Timothy, spilling the bags of chips on the coffee table, and once he got comfortable, lighting his bong with a rainbow lighter. Once he had smoked enough for a good buzz, Freddie passed the bong over to Timothy who took a quick whiff and coughed out most of it. Freddie laughed, his voice deep and melodious, “I can’t believe you're in your twenties and you smoke like you’re 15.”

Timothy shook his head sheepishly and said, “I only started smoking when I met you. You can’t expect me to be an expert at this already.” 

He handed the bong back to Freddie, the both of them knowing he wouldn’t take a second whiff until it was almost empty. Freddie took another inhale when he noticed the huge stack of flyers underneath the bags of chips on the coffee table. He put the bong down and picked up one of the flyers. Plastered across its design was a smiling man in a suit and tie, surrounded in a semi-circle by a group of working-class people looking to him with awe. 

“Please tell me you didn’t spend 4 hours handing out flyers for this choad,” Freddie said, turning to Timothy with a crumpled expression.

“It really wasn’t that bad. I grew up in the Jehovah’s Witnesses, I’m used to standing in the hot sun trying to save people from themselves.” Timothy said, suddenly deciding he needed to take another hit from. Taking Freddie’s lighter, he lit the bong and inhaled as much weed as he could, desperately trying to ignore the worried expression on his boyfriend’s face. Freddie crumpled up the flyer and dropped it to the floor. 

“Timmy, I’m fucking worried about you. You let people walk all over you and you end up working yourself to death. Did they even give you water to drink? Or breaks? Or Hell, a motherfucking chair to sit in?” 

    Timothy kept silent, knowing the answers to Freddie’s questions would make him more upset. Freddie shook his head and looked away, his fists clenched and his head-turning red. With his sharp yellow mohawk, he looked like a phoenix ready to tear into Kevin Thompson’s perfectly manicured face. 

    “Change requires sacrifices. If we want our political machine to change we have to be willing to put up with some unpleasantness.” He didn’t want to add the next part, but he was too exhausted and annoyed at Freddie to hold it in, “You don’t want real change. You dress like a thug and think the masses will come flocking to you. It’s pathetic.”

Timothy gazed at his boyfriend’s strong muscular back as it clenched up like a fist. He realized that he might have said the wrong thing, but at that point, he was exhausted and unwilling to put up with whatever huff Freddie got himself into. 

“At least I’m honest with who I am and what I want,” Freddie said in a quiet voice. He spun around and stared directly into Timothy’s eyes, making Timothy reflexively move away from him on the couch. 

“When I go outside with my dyed hair and leather jacket and I say and do whatever the fuck I want, I get to know that I do that on my terms. If people want to stare, call me a faggot, fine, fuck them I can take it. What I can’t do is hide in thirty different layers of respectability and delude myself into thinking that makes me better than everyone else.” 

Freddie got up from the couch and paced around the cramped living room, kicking furniture and clothes out of the way to make room. 

    Freddie couldn’t make sense of his boyfriend. When they had first met, Timmy had practically shoved his hand down his pants. It was at one of those seedy gay bars where the lighting was so bad it was hard to see even in the middle of the day. He didn’t remember what he had first said to Timmy, but soon they were making out in his van. Timmy’s warm, thick tongue sliding down the back of Freddie’s throat. 

    By the time he was able to peel himself away from Timmy’s mouth to drive them to his apartment, Timmy was half-naked, having shed most of his clothes in the car. Timmy tore off Freddie’s clothes as they struggled into the apartment, Timmy ripping them to shreds to get at him. When they collapsed on his bed, Timmy let out an ear-piercing roar as he let Freddie enter him. 

    “You like that baby,” Timmy cooed as he ground himself on Freddie’s dick and all Freddie could do was nod in awe at this sexy and intimidating presence that had ended up in his life. Timmy howled with an intensity Freddie had never heard in another man before. His kisses sucked the life from Freddie’s throat, leaving him gasping for air and begging for more. Timmy clawed at Freddie’s skin like a wild animal, the trickle of blood going down Freddie’s back and arms turning him on even more. During sex, Freddie swore that Timmy’s eyes blazed red as they deeply stared into his, making him think that he was high, dead, or fucking a demon.

When they finally finished it was the best orgasm Freddie had ever experienced in his life. Both Timmy and Freddie collapsed together in a heap on the bed, snuggling until Freddie lost consciousness. When he woke up, his blankets on the floor, bed torn apart, bong smashed to pieces, he found Timmy fidgeting with the broken stove in the kitchen. 

Freddie just wanted Timmy to be happy and he never saw him as carefree and as willing to enjoy himself than that first night they had sex. He knew that wild beast that lurked in Timothy’s heart was there, he just had no idea how to release it from the bedroom. 

He stopped pacing and looked at Timmy, almost passed out on the couch at this point. His dazed eyes staring at the ceiling with a sleepy smile on his face. Freddie knew that like most of their fights, they would end up snuggling on the couch before Timothy went to the bathroom and cried his heart out in the bathroom sink.

Freddie sighed, he knew of one way Timmy could be happy, but it came at a cost. 

Timmy noticed Freddie had started to stare at him and whimpered, “Babe, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m only trying to help people in my own way. I wish I could be like you, dressed in leather and punching cops in the face, but I just can’t.” 

Freddie shook his head and took Timmy’s hands in his. “Okay, I know of a guy who can help you. His name is Johnny Cocksucker. He’s a prophet of sorts in the queer punk scene.”

“Do I have to let him blow me or something?” Timothy asked.

“Just buy him a pack  of cigarettes and he’ll help you find what you need.”

Later that day, after Timothy had sobered up and had a good cry he walked over to the 7/11 parking lot Johnny Cocksucker hung around. In the lot, Timothy saw around three people sitting on the hood of someone’s truck. Two men and one woman dressed in leather with wild colored hair shared a bottle of liquor someone stored in a brown paper bag. 

Timothy wasn’t sure what to expect. Was Johnny going to give him some kinda pep talk or was this some weird initiation thing where Timmy would get beat up in an alley somewhere? Would Freddie do something like that to him?

He came to the three punks and waited until one of them noticed him. At first, they ignored him making Timothy stand there awkwardly with his hands in his pockets. Eventually, the girl noticed him and asked, “The fuck do you want?”

“Hi, I’m looking for a guy named Johnny Cocksucker. I was told he could help me.`` Timothy stammered. The three punks glaring at him made him feel like he was going to shit himself. 

Then one of the men smiled, “My name’s Johnny Cocksucker. You want a tarot reading or something more?” 

Timothy hesitated, he wasn’t sure what Freddie meant by Johnny helping him find himself, but Timothy trusted Freddie and he did want to know himself whatever that meant. So Timothy said, “I want something more. My boyfriend, Freddie, said you could help me find myself.”

“You got me a pack of smokes?” Johnny asked, leaning back on the truck hood. 

Timothy nodded, supplying a box of cigarettes from his sweatshirt pocket, “Marlboro, right?”

Johnny nodded, got off the truck, and swaggered over to Timothy. 

“Alright, sweetie. Let’s do this.” He took Timothy by the hand and him across the street into a dark alley. It was narrow and cold, but Timothy found himself getting turned on by Johnny. His dick got a little hard and if he wasn’t with Freddie he would have gladly given or received head from this man. 

Once they were out of earshot, Timothy started talking. “I got into a fight with Freddie and I know I’m not super great at communicating my feelings and I was kinda condescending to him, but I’m just not comfortable-”

Johnny put a finger to Timothy’s lips. “Honey, I’m not your fucking therapist. Do you want to know what you want or not?” 

Timothy nodded eagerly. 

Johnny lit a cigarette and blew some smoke in Timothy’s face. Timothy wheezed, but noticing Johnny’s eyes he suddenly stopped. Timothy felt rooted to the spot, Johnny’s brown eyes drawing all his attention.  

Johnny smiled, “you love him don’t you?”     “Yes.” Timothy replied, “I love him a lot.”  Timothy felt a strange heat coming from his dick, it prickled and burned.     “And you want to help people, instead of pussyfooting around with shitheads who don’t give a flying fuck about you?” Johnny Cocksucker asked, dangling the cigarette from his mouth as he pressed his hands on Timothy’s shoulders.     “I wouldn’t call it pussyfooting rather attempting to engage the electorate-”     “Do you want to help people or not?”     “Yes.” Timothy agreed again. Timothy’s erection pressed up against his pants, making it too painful to keep on. He undid his belt and dropped his pants to the floor with a deep moan. 

“That’s it, bitch. That’s it.” Johnny Cocksucker said, nodding at Timothy’s progress. Cocksucker continued, “And you want to live as yourself and not what everybody wants you to be?”

“Yes, please,” Timothy moaned, his dick was so hard he had to take his boxer briefs off, leaving his hard six-inch dick out in the breeze. 

 Cocksucker spit into his hands and rubbed them viciously before putting his hands on Timmy’s cock. His hands were calloused and hard but in a satisfying way. The odd bumps and dry skin against his dick only made Timothy harder. 

Cocksucker got on his knees and placed Timothy’s dick in his mouth, his soft lips massaging Timothy’s throbbing cock. With every thrust of Johnny's head on his cock, Timothy felt layers of himself getting peeled away. 

No more working with politicians, no more canvassing, stickers, and plastic straw boycotts. He would fight and do shit that helped people now, not maybe four years down the road. He would organize with Freddie and fight against police oppression. The rage that had been building inside of him his entire life was forcing its way through. He would no longer be held back by fear. 

Timothy growled and moaned as Johnny worked his magic on Timothy’s dick. Timothy’s fear and layers of respectability heading into his dick. As Timothy’s mind changed, so did his appearance. His lanky frame that served him well in avoiding public scrutiny was filling up with muscle. His button-up shirt was replaced with a ripped t-shirt and a leather jacket, his khaki pants and boxer briefs replaced with stained jeans and filthy red boxer shorts. Two solid black boots replaced his polished brown oxfords. 

His short blonde hair grew and became spiked, turning a dark shade of green. Black nail polish appeared on his fingernails and silver rings materialized on his two middle fingers. Then sharp pinpricks of pain stabbed through his ears, mouth, and nose making him let out a small scream. Piercings were ripping through Timothy’s flesh until his entire face was coated with them. With his new look and personality came a new name, Viper. It was a name that intimidated the right people, but for Freddie, it would always mean his thick now nine-inch dick. 

    He cummed in Cocksucker’s mouth. His old life and insecurities disappearing down Johnny Cocksucker’s throat.  

Needing to take a breath, Viper leaned his head against a brick wall. Johnny Cocksucker stood up and wiped his mouth.

“You good?” Johnny asked, taking out a cigarette. 

Viper nodded in a daze, “I have to find my boyfriend.” 

Johnny smiled and patted him on the shoulder. Viper stumbled a few steps forward when Johnny said, “Hey, pull your pants up. You got your dick hanging out.”

Viper looked down at his thick nine-inch dick hanging in the air and he chuckled. 

“Still a little fucked up, I guess,” Viper said, pulling up his pants and underwear. Then he staggered out of the alleyway, his dick still hard, as Johnny Cocksucker took out a cigarette and watched. “Freddie owes me big time for that shit,” Johnny said, lighting his cigarette. The taste of cum and Timmy’s fear still hanging in the back of his throat. 

Viper struggled to make his way to Freddie. He had an insatiable desire to fuck Freddie just the way he wanted. Rough and intense, like the time they first fucked, only this time Viper wasn’t going to freeze up every time after they had sex. It was going to be crazy and uninhibited the whole way. the way that he had never been fucked before. It felt like miles before Viper ended up outside an old theatre. In the haze of Viper’s mind, he knew that Freddie had a gig there tonight. 

That’s when he realized it was dark out. Had six hours passed that quickly? Then Viper watched as a bunch of roadies with band equipment were leaving the venue, including Freddie.

Freddie looked over and saw a man waiting for him. He didn’t know why, but he had the sudden feeling that the green-haired punk was his boyfriend.

He dropped what he was doing and ran over to him. Viper jumped up and wrapped his legs around Freddie’s waist kissing him on the mouth.

“I know Johnny did a number on you, but holy shit you’re hot,” Freddie said in-between kisses. 

“Can you faggots get off the sidewalk?” an old man screeched at them. 

Viper flipped the old fucker off and lost himself in Freddie’s passionate embrace. He would never take a straight person’s bullshit ever again. 

[lord-explosion-baku]

Dancing’s Not A Crime (Unless You Do It Without Me) pt. 14

Bakugou x fem!reader, Todoroki x fem!reader

You flirt and tease with a certain hotheaded classmate of yours without realizing how far it has escalated and someone gets a little jealous.

Warnings: ANGST, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, swearing, boys being jealous, uhhhh more angst

A/N: a brush of inspiration? Kinda. There won’t be more frequent updates so please don’t ask!! I am only a cherry tomatoe who has been plucked before she has ripened.

Part 13 or read from the beginning OR read a properly edited version on my AO3

“Monkey…”

You blinked and hot tears fell to your living room floor. Staring at your mother’s unmoving body, you clutched onto your stuffed dog, Speckle. A large hand touched your shoulder and you were pulled away and into your father’s cloak.

“Don’t look, sweetheart.”

“Why isn’t mommy waking up?” You whimpered out, wiping your wet face on your father’s robes.

He pet your head. “She,” he sighed. “Y/N, I’m going to ask you a very important question and I need you to answer honestly. Do you think you can do that for daddy?”

That was the rule. You always had to answer ‘important’ questions with the full truth. Often times you were rewarded for being so cooperative. You didn’t feel like you deserved any special treatment then.

“How long has mommy been hurting you like that? Is it always while I am away?”

You swallowed back at sob while more tears poured from your eyes. “She says that sometimes I’m not a good daughter. Sometimes I don’t obey her even when she’s singing. Sometimes mommy gets upset that I don’t want to help her. I don’t mean to make her so mad sometimes but-!” You cried louder. You didn’t understand the question. “Why won’t she get up?!”

Your father bent down and brought you into a tight hug. You trembled while you sobbed into his embrace.

“Oh Kira,” your father’s voice was sorrowful as he spoke to your mother. You’d never heard his voice get so low before. It was terrible. “Mommy’s should never treat their children like that, Y/N, and now Mommy has to sleep for a very long time. I’m… I’m sorry that I didn’t know about this sooner. Maybe something else could’ve been done. I haven’t been a very good father to you, have I?”

“A very long time…?” You tried to turn back to your mother’s display but your father wouldn’t let you. “Will she ever wake up?”

A single tear fell away from your father’s long lashes. “No, baby. She won’t ever wake up.”

A dark purple cloud of energy started pouring out of your father’s sleeves. The air grew cooler and your skin prickled as his magicks slid past you, enveloping your mother’s body. You heard a small crackle of thunder, familiar to you only when your father used his quirk, and it was over. Finally, you turned to see that the space before you was empty, your mother was missing, gone from your house, your life, your everything.

~

… so your brain… was an even bigger asshole than Katsuki Bakugou. You were already stressed the fuck out from the very long weekend you had, what with the date with Bakugou that had turned into a fight with that staple faced weirdo from the café, finding out that Todoroki, Midoriya, And Iida all fought the hero killer in their own, and Todoroki fucking kissing you in the hospital while you were worried about him! Not to mention that your internship was a complete bust with Uwabani stringing you, Yaoyarozu, and that 1-B girl, Kendo, around to her modeling gigs and throwing you all into her dumb commercial. Even when you went on patrols, you mostly stood back while Uwabani’s fans swarmed her. You craved action and you didn’t get any… except the kiss. And that was a huge problem.

Now you couldn’t even get a proper night’s sleep before you went back to school to face that problem. You rubbed away the excess sleep from your eyes and rolled out of bed. You weren’t going to cry. You’ve done your crying. You’ve known for a long time now that your biological father killed your mother. Even if he did it to ‘protect’ you, it didn’t change the fact that you loathed him but that didn’t mean you couldn’t be hurt by the not so distant memory.

You made your way to the closet and climbed up, using your shoe cubbies as stairs, to grab a cardboard box that has been untouched for years. In it, were some pictures you and drawings you furiously ignored but underneath it all laid your old stuffed dog. Your old pet you would animate when you were feeling lonely. You and Aizawa had cats so you didn’t need the pet but… the comfort was… something else. You didn’t want to bother Aizawa again, especially since you hadn’t told him about what had gone down during your date with Bakugou.

You threw yourself back into bed and squeezed your old toy under your chin. You wouldn’t cry, you told yourself again. Still, when your eyes finally fluttered closed again, your cheeks had already been stained. How stupid.

~

You really needed to laugh and you should thank Bakugou for providing you with such a glorious reason to. His once spiky hair was combed back nearly and flat against his head and he was trembling with rage while Sero and Kirishima poked fun at his new look.

“...I’ll kill you both!” He said through his teeth.

“I’d like to see you try, pretty boy!” Sero said, barely able to contain himself.

“What did you say!” And boom! His hair popped right back to its natural state and you tried, you tried not to laugh but you couldn’t help but double over with both Kirishima and Sero.

“Oh there it goes!”

You clutched your stomach while your other classmates talked about their internships. Apparently a lot of them, besides Iida, Todoroki, and Midoriya, had pretty eventful ones. You were kinda jealous.

Bakugou made his way over to you and a rush of guilt filled the pit of your stomach. You hadn’t told him about Todoroki kissing you. “At least I didn’t spend my internship, what, advertising hairspray?”

Ugh. That was unfair. You reached up and tousled his surprising soft spikes. “It’s too bad,” you smirked, “maybe you could’ve used some!”

He grabbed your hand and pushed it back to you, keeping his hands over yours. He leaned down, leveling his head with yours and whispered. “So, when were you planning on telling me about your little secret?”

Your eyes widened. He already knew about the kiss?! Your eyes darted to Todoroki who was sitting at his desk explaining that Endeavor had ‘saved’ them in Hosu City. He was talking to your other classmates but his eyes were on you. Did he fucking tell him? Would Todoroki do something like that? Honestly, he was full of surprises lately.

You turned back to Bakugou, face red with shame. “It’s not what you think,” you shied away from his piercing gaze, “I was worried for them so I visited them in Hosu and then he just… but I didn’t stop him. It didn’t mean anything though!”

Bakugou’s brows narrowed, trying to read your face. After a moment, he pulled you out of the class and set you against the wall, pressing his hand next to you. “Are you telling me that that half n’ half punk bastard kissed you?”

“Y-yeah? Isn’t that what you were asking about?”

“And you fucking let him?!” Oh Jesus Christ, he had no idea!

“It came out of nowhere, Bakugou! I was scared that he might’ve sustained critical damage or something and then… I don’t know! I didn’t ask him to!”

Bakugou’s lips twitched into a snarl. “Did you like it?”

“Bakugou!”

“Tsss!” He kicked the wall and you shuddered. You’ve never been afraid of Bakugou’s temper before but this time… you knew you had done something that actually hurt him… but it wasn’t like you guys were… official. “So you’re saying he took advantage of you?”

You shook your head. “No! I think… I think him, Iida, and Midoriya all went through something traumatic and-!”

“I’m done talking about this!” He hissed. You tried to reach out to him but he moved away from you. “I need a fucking moment, Y/N.”

You pressed your lips together and watched Bakugou shove his hands in his pockets. You stayed there frozen for a moment before turning on your heel and going back into class. That wasn’t… the worse case scenario.

You classmates’ eyes were on you as you walked over to your desk. Todoroki was on you immediately. You gave him a once over. He didn’t talk to you while you were at school.

“Are you okay?”

You kicked your feet together and wrapped your knuckles on your desk. Were you okay? Besides your lack of sleep, extreme guilt, and the heavy tension in your shoulders… “I’m fine.”

“Did you tell him…” Todoroki’s voice dropped to a whisper, “about us?”

If you had more energy, you would’ve groaned. “Todo,” You said, looking into his heterochromatic eyes, “there isn’t an ‘us.’”

“You say that now but Y/N,” his warm hand enveloped your own, “I know that I can change your mind…”

whispers could be heard from around the class. What the hell was Todoroki doing touching you like that in front of everyone?!

“HEY!” Smack! Bakugou slapped Todoroki’s hands away from yours, grabbed your arm, and pulled you away from Todoroki aaaaand-

Your lips met Bakugou’s and for a brief moment you forgot that you had an audience while Bakugou’s fingers met your chin and you were lost in the passion of the kiss. You moved your lips with him and felt him grin into the kiss before pulling away from you. You heard Mina let out an excited squeak.

Bakugou threw his arm around your waist and glared at Todoroki. “Keep your mitts off my girlfriend.”

Todoroki’s right arm started freezing over. “She’s not your girlfriend.”

“That’s enough,” Aizawa’s voice called from the front of the class. Todoroki’s ice disappeared and you could see Aizawa’s eyes glowing red, black hair swooping around him. “Class has begun. It’s time to stop acting idiotic and take your seats.”

Bakugou and Todoroki continued to glare at each other.

“I’m not going to ask again.” Aizawa was looking at you.

You gave Bakugou a push and scowled at Todoroki. “Go,” You said, sitting in your own desk.

Todoroki pushed into Bakugou’s shoulder as he past him to go to his chair. Bakugou’s hand flexed and you could see it start to light up. You grabbed it and gave it a squeeze. His eyes met yours and you kissed his knuckles. In a way, you were telling him that… maybe… you were his girlfriend.

He rolled his eyes and found his seat.

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[yourkeeperoftherunners]

Gentle Monster Epilogue

Plot: AU All he wanted was a home, but it seemed like he was never going to get one. You wanted a friend who would keep you company. Upon stepping into the mystical pet shop tucked in the back alleys of a tourist area of town, you had no idea what you were getting into when you signed the paperwork.

Rating: PG (Language)

Characters: Dog Hybrid!Chanyeol x Female Reader, Magic Pet Store Owner!Kris, Dog Hybrid!Baekhyun, and mentions of other OT12 hybrids and owners

Notes: This is part of @oh-beyond‘s hybrid series – she gave me her blessing to write one for Chanyeol. The premise is slightly inspired by the manga Pet Shop of Horrors with differences (Ex. Chanyeol’s human form is only visible to the reader and Kris in private and Kris matches pets with appropriate owners versus Count D who used the animals to teach owners a lesson.) Chanyeol’s breed is a Great Dane Doberman mix (called a Doberdane), which is inspired by the writer’s own dog. The title was inspired by a real life experience when a young girl (same height as my dog) rounded the corner in a shop and saw my dog for the first time. (She dubbed my dog “a monster dog” when she ran to tell her dad because she had never encountered a dog as big as her.)

All content is fictional!

Banner created by me. Absolutely no reposting anywhere else as your own!

Ch. 3

Chanyeol stroked your hair as you slept soundly, smiling as he gazed upon your peaceful body. Out of concern for your well-being, he had turned off your alarm, reasoning that you could use the rest after a stressful night. Sure you might not be happy to learn what he had done, but he thought you needed a day off. 

He frowned when he heard your phone in the other room and pouted, wishing he didn’t have to move from his spot beside you. You were still asleep and hadn’t heard the phone buzz on the counter in the kitchen. He slipped out from under the covers and tried not to disturb you as he headed out to the kitchen to see who it was.

He frowned as he looked down at the screen and saw a woman’s name, unsure of who it could be. Well, it seemed rude to not answer, so...

“Hello?”

“Oh Y/N? Did I dial the wrong number?” the secretary asked.

“Oh no this is her phone,” Chanyeol responded as he pressed the phone against his ear. “I’m her...friend! She’s sleeping now but I can –”

“Chan, who are you talking to?” you asked as you stumbled out into the kitchen, messing up your hair.

He ducked his head and mouthed that it was a woman. You held out your hand for the phone and he passed it over with a sheepish look.

“Hello this is Y/N.”

“Hey! Wanted to call and check up on you – we heard about the incident at your complex. My God, are you okay?” the secretary asked.

Your eyes widened when you heard her voice and you glanced over at the clock to see what time it was. Crap, you slept in and had missed a meeting already! What happened to your alarm clock?!

“Your boyfriend answered and said you were sleeping,” she continued. “By the way, he sounds cute. Anyways, we just wanted to hear if you were okay – glad they caught that guy harming you.”

“Please tell our boss I’ll in right away!” you said as you began speed walking to your room.

“Oh no sweetie, stay home please! You have plenty of vacation banked up – take a day or two! The boss understands and he said you deserve a break. Don’t rush in here after a stressful night,” she reassured you. “No, I mean it! Stay home, pet Puppy for me, and let the cute boyfriend take care of you. Okay?”

You frowned at her sentence and stared back at Chanyeol. Wait, she could hear his human voice? Hold up – she thought he was your boyfriend?!

“Did we lose connection?”

“Oh um no! No! I’m sorry, uh yes I’ll take a day off,” you said as you sank into a chair. “I’ll see you tomorrow then. Thank you.” You hung up and Chanyeol padded over to you with a guilty look.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I turned your alarm off so you could sleep more,” he admitted. “Last night was scary and you needed the rest. I heard your phone and didn’t want to ignore it so, I answered.” He clasped your hands in his and gave you a pleading look. “Please don’t be angry, I only wanted to take care of you.”

You tilted your head and shot him a knowing look. “Next time Channie, please don’t turn my alarm off unless its the weekend. But you were right, I needed to calm down after last’s night nightmare.” You closed your eyes and mulled over the secretary’s words again. She heard his human voice.

“I promise I’m not sending you back Chan,” you began, “but if my secretary could hear your voice, then I think we need to see Kris again to figure out why that was possible. I know she does not have a pet because her husband has allergies, so something’s up. Do you feel any different?”

He shook his head and agreed that seeing Kris would make sense.

“Did you lose a dog miss?” an elderly gentleman asked as you passed him, Chanyeol’s leash in hand.

“Oh um, no – I’m uh, going to adopt one!” you came up with quickly. You pointed in the direction of Kris’s shop and explained there was a pet store down that area.

Chanyeol caught up to you and he smiled brightly at the elderly man before greeting him. The man returned the greeting before noticing Chanyeol’s dog collar and frowned.

“Is that one of those punk trends you young bloods are into these days?” he asked as he pointed to the collar.

Chan tilted his head in confusion and you fibbed that it was, grabbing your dog’s hand as you hurried toward Kris’s shop. Once both of you had gotten cleaned up, you brought the leash but felt funny clipping it onto Chan’s neck, instead choosing to carry it. This time when you went out, people commented on the cute, child-like young man who was behind you, greeting everyone with a big smile. A few noticed the collar around his neck and you were regretting keeping it on him.

A random girl had stopped him during your walk over, flirtatiously trying to give him her number. Chan looked surprised but he quickly grabbed you in a back hug and murmured in his deep baritone voice, “Sorry Miss, but I’m hers!”

“Welcome to my – oh um, hi there!” Kris greeted when he saw both of you enter. He bowed his head and apologized to the mom and daughter who were admiring Tao on the counter. You shot him a polite smile and mouthed to take his time, gingerly leading Chanyeol over to a tank of fish to look at.

“I like this cat, he’s handsome!” the daughter remarked as she stroked Tao’s head.

“You’re going to take care of him?” the mother asked.

The girl rolled her eyes and huffed dramatically, “Mom, I’m 18! Not 8, I can handle a cat like a grown adult!”

Kris chuckled at the daughter’s response and produced the contract for the pair to review and sign. Chanyeol glanced over at Tao for a moment before you tugged on his arm to keep his eyes on the fish. You shot him a look and he took the hint, nodding as he remained silent. These two had no idea what kind of a pet shop this was and you didn’t want to scare them away if it meant Tao getting his forever home.

Once the pair finished the paperwork and departed, Kris walked over to you, motioning to the back. You and Chanyeol followed him and he led you to his office, closing the door behind you.

“First off, Chan’s not coming back,” you stated before Kris could ask. “We’re here because something’s changed.”

“Actually I was going to ask if you were okay,” Kris replied. “Saw the papers today and was glad they caught your ex. Albeit he should have been locked up sooner, in my opinion.” He glanced over at Chanyeol and tapped his index fingers to his lips. “Changed how?”

You relayed the accounts of this morning up to the street encounters on the way to the pet shop. Kris listened carefully and he glanced over at Chanyeol occasionally. After you finished, he pushed his chair back and produced Chanyeol’s file from a cabinet and placed it on the desk.

“That’s Chanyeol’s file,” he began, “my father brought him over from South Korea before he passed. At the time, he was mum about the shop and what it was like. Like everyone who steps through these doors, I had no idea what I was getting into.” He opened the file and pushed it towards you.

The documents stated that Chanyeol had one other litter mate that survived – a sister who was adopted after birth. The parents were split up and adopted by other owners and Chanyeol was taken overseas. Chanyeol frowned as he tried to picture his life before the shop but gave up and pouted.

“You were very young Chan,” Kris said. “Technically you should have been raised by your mom until you were fully grown, but the owners of your parents didn’t want to deal with puppies, hence the quick arrangements.” He flipped to a scribbled note in Chinese and translated it for you. “His father was a regular Doberman. Mother was the Great Dane and while my old man never saw her human form, he sensed something different about her. Also unusual that she only had 2 pups instead of more.”

“So...this condition is from Umma?” Chanyeol asked after a long pause.

“Possibly,” Kris said. “Apparently your sister never had the ability to take on a human form, which is why there’s some confusion about you receiving the trait. My guess is that it passes down maternally to male descendants – this would fit with Baekhyun-ah and some of the other dogs that were here in the shop.” He flipped through the rest of the file and tried to read his father’s spidery handwriting. “Import and customs docs – not much help there...hang on! When I was a boy, my father pointed out Chanyeol to me and said that he was a unique case.”

Chanyeol blinked and pointed to himself in confusion. “Me? How?”

“That’s just it, my old man was a master of theatrics!” Kris sighed. He leaned back in his seat and huffed. You pulled out your phone and started researching magical dogs for grins. You used your thumb to scroll through the results and you chose one on the fourth page about an old Anglo-Saxon myth on a myths fan page. You sat up straighter and showed it to Kris.

“I know Chan’s from Korea, but this myth from Anglo-Saxon mythology kind of fits with what happened to me,” you replied.

You glanced over at Chan as you read off the blurb, which mentioned a story of a family attending an animal auction when they needed protection. Because they couldn’t afford much, they were only able to adopt the runt of the litter, which the town mocked them for. Their youngest daughter of the large family took to him because she was always ignored in her family, raising him to be a loyal, helpful dog. One night wolves invaded the town and began killing and eating livestock. The youngest daughter was out trying to retrieve eggs from the henhouse when she was cornered by wolves. Hearing her cries for help, the family dog came to her rescue and defended his little mistress. He sustained wounds from the fights but refused to leave his frightened owner’s side until she was safely inside. He collapsed and the youngest stayed with him, crying that her dog had died saving her. But a god had looked down on them and healed her loyal dog, having fulfilled his purpose of finding love and protecting someone selflessly. Knowing the youngest was next to marry, the god changed her dog into a human, who would eventually become her husband.

Kris hummed once you finished and he nodded his head. “I know you found it on a fan site, but I have a feeling I’ve heard this somewhere too. ...So are you the youngest in your family?”

You nodded and explained that you had an older brother and a sister. “Brother’s 5 years older and sis is 2 years older,” you said. “I wasn’t planned but they welcomed me all the same. But I didn’t get everything I wanted like your stereotypical bratty youngest born. Remember when I said I never got to have a pet as a kid?”

Kris nodded and reassured you that he never assumed you had been a spoiled youngest child. Chanyeol had been silent, listening to both of you discuss the possible reasons for why he seemed to be stuck in his human form. He wished he knew why this was happening, but with the way things had transpired, he wasn’t complaining about his situation. He knew you would be a good owner who wouldn’t mistreat him and maybe you needed someone to share a little love that was missing right now in your life. His hands closed around yours and he squeezed them with a smile.

“I said I’ll keep you safe – that meant for as long as you have me,” he reminded you. “I’ll admit I like the sounds of that story you told us – maybe that’s why I’m human now.”

“Works for me,” Kris murmured with a nod. “Oh and Y/N? I think its safe to ditch the collar – doubt you want people thinking you control Chan in, um, some kind of way.”

“Kris-hyung, what do you mean? She is my owner,” Chanyeol protested with a confused look.

You blushed and stood up to loosen Chanyeol’s collar. Once you made it bigger, you prompted Chan to close his eyes before tugging it up and over his head. He was like a wide-eyed child, naive to the innuendoes you’d have to explain at a later date.

“Channie, I’ll explain it to you another time,” you said with a fond smile. “For now, let’s go home.”

Chanyeol was on his feet in seconds and he eagerly began leading you out the door. “Can we cuddle under the blankets when we get back?”

You laughed and ruffled his hair. “Course we can.”

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: Preseason GM 4 - TOR - The Olofsson Show

I don’t really know where to begin with this one. I guess until Rasmus Ristolainen is traded every postgame needs to start with updated angst meter. With Risto being on the roster last night my angst rating went from 7/10 on Friday all the way down to a 4/10 on this fine Bills Gameday. I guess it’s still preferred he moves before whatever toxic drama he experienced behind the scenes ruins the locker room dynamic after they lose a couple games in a row. I know the trade trash sites have heated up their production on him the last couple days, but I don’t let that excite me unless Tim Murray is GM, or its clear Terry Pegula is breathing down Jason’s neck about bonus money. So how about we talk about the other skaters? I think I put in my mandatory 4 sentences of Ristolainen. He landed a dirty hit on one of the Leafs top 4 defenseman? Oh well, you can’t beat the classics. Welcome to Toronto, Tyson Barrie. I’m not making an excuse for that hit. It was stupid, ugly and a little too on brand for Risto. I think the more interesting question is does this mean Risto is really going kamikaze to end his time as a Sabre? He wants to go down with some kind of ritual suicide landing the most trash hits possible. Again, painfully on brand for Risto but I think everyone who is going to like him after he leaves will no matter what and the people who aren’t going to lose any sleep about it aren’t losing any sleep about it. I didn’t lose any sleep about it, that was the hard cider.

Yeah, I saw Ad Astra during this game last night. That’s how I do preseason promise: just ignore the game. Don’t see this movie unless you like Art films. Other than the space monkeys the only thing that wasn’t artsy AF was Brad Pitt just wailing for his daddy the whole frigging movie over narration. Well anyway, I came how to Beer pong and a series of drinking games with my siblings. That was fun but uh… sorry about some of the tweets that I let out during this time. I don’t think it was the booze though that made me enjoy this game so much watching it back. The big names came out to play for the home crowd against a Leafs team of Michal Neuvirth, John Tavares, Mitch Marner and the funny name alliance of no-name prospects. Tavares scored a little ways into the first. It was just a net-front redirect but it was in that range of goals Carter Hutton could have stopped. Hutton joined Rasmus Asplund on Chad DeDominicis’s list of the only two Sabres who were outright bad in this game. I’d have to agree on at least three goals against in this game. Henri Jokiharju and Dylan Cozens got back to back starts playing in this game and nothing really jumped off the page for me in this go around for them. That said, all I did was watch the highlight packs with a slight headache, so I probably missed something. Grill me for what I miss in the comments.

The star of this show was really Sam Reinhart. That was obvious even in the highlights. A couple minutes after Tavares’s tally Sam Reinhart scored essentially the same goal from a rebound. That’s right, Sam Reinhart is our John Tavares! And he’s better than JT you know! Lol, whatever I guess we have to troll each other as fanbases whenever we play. How about we just both be good at the same time, so I don’t need to bring up the Sabres have won more playoff series since the lockout even though we haven’t made the playoffs in eight years! OH BURN! Suck on that one, T-Town! What did all you punks do while we were throwing the queen’s tea in the harbor? I’m sure you normies were sipping it hardily you cowards! Okay, enough of that. In the second period Victor Olofsson scored an Ovechkin goal uncovered in the office on a powerplay. The Leafs would tie it up again before the middle frame ended but I really want to dwell on this Olofsson goal for a minute. It was powerplay goal assisted by Jack Eichel and Rasmus Dahlin. In addition to those guys Jeff Skinner and Sam Reinhart were on the ice. Assuming Victor Olofsson does become a scorer like we hope can I submit a formal request to Ralph Krueger and the two new assistant coaches with him?  That should be a powerplay unit all season. That group consists of all the bonified scoring talents we have, and Rasmus Dahlin can play defense for the lot of them to whatever degree you need that on a powerplay. I mean, we need that because we’re the Sabres so yeah. In fact Trevor Moore would score a short-handed goal for the Leafs in the third period but not until after… the guy scored… the only guy whose worth mentioning in summer 2016: Jimmy Vesey, JV Vasectomy… uh… I’m sorry guys I think the mean nicknames bit is going to get cut before the end of Training Camp. Kinda sorry not sorry on that one.

That shorthanded Leafs goal by the way was strike two against Hutton last night. I don’t know what you expect when the Sabres are tied with the Leafs going into the last five minutes of regulation, but I normally think W. Last season beat that out of me a little bit, but I have a new hope now. Victor Olofsson scored again but this time from a Reinhart assist from behind the net. Olofsson just kinda passed it into the net. By this point I think the Leafs had Michael Hutchinson in just to remind all the Leafs fans present that this is a preseason game and even though it’s cheaper to drive all the way from Kitchener to Buffalo than to Toronto just because of ticket prices up there doesn’t mean the blue and white actually give a shit about the middle class. Olofsson is the standard bearer this year for the hopes of eternal optimists like me. If he can score just 20-30 goals this season he will be a helpful contribution. It’s guys like that coming in and adding just a little bit that makes us that much closer to a 90-point team. If Victor Olofsson wants to turn this team into the Olofsson show I’m more than pleased to cheer it on. The Leafs were bagged and this one would end 5-3 for the home team. CJ Smith would put in an empty netter in the last minute but those last seconds ticking away beating the Leafs is drained of its joy when it’s the preseason. Oh and sorry, CJ, an empty netter isn’t going to save you from cuts. I hope to see you called up, gee, I hope you survive waivers, but dude, figure it out. There are teenage Swedes whose names sound like Star Wars characters jumping you on the depth chart now. That segways nicely into cuts.

Before the unfortunately mostly rather expected cuts I want to debut a new bit. For games I’m writing up the next day, particularly ones that life stopped me from watching, I’ll be picking a reply to one of my Sabres tweets about the game for analysis. That’s right, your reply guy moment is going to find its way into New Look Sabres this season! Please contain your excitement. Our first ever Reply Guy Analysis comes from one of my most loyal followers: Jonathan who is leaning into the millennial theme with a couple snowflakes around his name @LakeEffectXJ, says: “Was fun and entertaining. A nice reminder exactly how good Olofsson’s shot is, a surprise for many how good Miller’s shot is, and we got reintroduced to how good Reinhart is and that he should be running his own line.” Thanks Jonathan, onto the cuts. Arttu Ruotsalainen saves Rob Ray and RJ from almost certainly butchering his name and gets sent back to the good old Liiga with two I’s. Everyone else cut is going to the Rochester Americans including CJ Smith and Andrew Hammond who both need to clear waivers. Hopefully both those guys do. The fun part of doing these blogs the day after is having information like this. Assuming you haven’t read the list of cuts and are too lazy to go read it now that you’ve made it this far here I’ll just list them out for you: Eric Cornell, Sean Malone, Andrew Oglevie, Kyle Olson, Kevin Porter, CJ Smith, Jacob Bryson, Casey Fitzgerald, Brandon Hickey, Zach Redmond, Devante Stephens, Andrew Hammond, Michael Houser, and Jonas Johansson. Amerks Training Camp starts Monday.

As always like, share and comment on yours truly’s special Sabres blog. Hopefully this was your break from the Bills game reading. In which case I have to warn you to not try to hold a loaded hot dog in one hand and your phone in the other. You think it’s easy but it’s not. Why ruin that nice jersey? I’ll be really honest and say I have never looked forward to a Bills game in my entire life as much as this one. I was a drought baby and a certain stinker in Jacksonville wasn’t going to get me pumped a couple years back. Anyway, I hope you come on back to read again as we have two more preseason games and the closing of Training Camp before we can actually get excited about beating teams. I think I speak for everyone when I hope we actually win enough for it to meaningful this season.

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. Moore shoving Olofsson into the Leafs bench was kinda fun I guess. Sportsnet said it led to the ensuing Leafs goal which I suppose it did but I thought taking guys out of the play was bad.