#this got long and is probably badly explained but lmao

[mailjeevasfan]

hi! <3

can you possibly do wammy boys with a s/o who is under stress from exams? maybe self projecting rn HAHA but i hope it's not too much trouble ^^

that’s me atm too so i’ll gladly write this one out (instead of studying for my own exams) thank u for the rq <3

this for all the people doing exams rn💪

-wammy boys x gn!reader

-l lawliet, mello, matt, near

༺♡༻

wammy boys with s/o under stress from exams ❦

l lawliet

-he’s literally the greatest detective in the world and a general supergenius so he’ll most likely help you study at first. i mean all the wammy boys are super smart so they’d probably all do this but yeah

-he helps you study because he primarily recognises things that are practically important. by this i mean he would help you study and put his brains to use, but would give you breaks and care and stuff like that afterwards. he understands the importance of you being prepared before anything and wouldn’t want you to be stressed or do bad in the exams.

-if you were overwhelmed and having a breakdown or something like that he’d be very loving and would 100% give u cuddles until you calmed. and would also probably get you tons of cake and treats <3

༺♡༻

mello

-again, would help you to study. this would be the kind of thing where if you didn’t get it he’d start getting so frustrated but in a really funny and comical way. you’d just keep laughing, unable to stay serious and he’d get so agitated LMAO

-he’d never express this out loud but he would definitely be worried in helping you study. that sounds so weird with no explanation but i mean he has an inferiority complex and even though he knows he’s extremely smart, he’s been second for so long that he might not feel good enough to help you. however, when you ace your exams thanks to his frantic tutoring he feels a little pleased with himself.

-in the situation of you becoming very overwhelmed and upset he would be a little tough but in a loving way. he’d bluntly reassure you that you’ve got this and that you will be okay in the end. he’s very good with comforting you in this kind of situation due to his past experiences in academic settings

༺♡༻

matt

-we all know that matt has a kind of sloth like existence LMAO he just likes to play video games and chill. but if you direly required help with your studies of course he’s going to help you, he was ranked third at wammy’s house, another supergenius here. even if he wasn’t helping you, he’d make sure that you were studying because he doesn’t want you to get stressed from being unprepared. but strangely at the same time i can definitely see him distracting you really badly when you’re focused, he’d get bored so easily when you were busy.

-needless to say, after you’re finished he’s dragging you to the couch, throwing an arm around you and forcing you to play video games whether you like it or not. he would express how proud he was of you if he knew you were very stressed and reward u with lots of cute stuff while you hung out. this goes for after you get your results back too, he would genuinely be so proud.

-if you got very upset he would be very sweet in comforting you. typical stuff, would reassure you that you’re doing amazing and that you’ll be fine in the end. lots of affection

༺♡༻

near

-very very patient when helping you study. he’d obviously understand whatever it was very quickly and if you didn’t get it he’d take the time to explain it thoroughly and be very persistent but not in a pushy way at all. very soft and nice about things, he wouldn’t want to make you feel inadequate since he genuinely believes in you.

-i can very easily imagine his little signature near smile once you get your results back and he finds out you did great. you know the lil :]

-if you were overwhelmed, he’d talk you through it logically, but by this point he’s learned to be sensitive with your feelings and not be too unemotional. he’ll explain that you’ve prepared and done everything you can, and whatever result you get will be amazing seeing as you genuinely tried. he reassures that he will be proud of you no matter what, and that you should be proud of yourself

༺♡༻

[mikerztmf]

two ppl asked and i shall deliver!! so have a whole essay about jake-centric drake 👍👍

the natural place to start talking about jake's feelings about drew is near the start of their friendship: the freshman scene in ep9. i think this scene (and ep11) is one of the few points where you can really tell what jake thinks of drew. and to sum it up, he thinks pretty highly of him.

it's never super obvious, but when you think about it, drew really meant so much to jake. because drew was really jake's first friend after middle school, the first person to ever accept him so easily. BUT, he couldn't necessarily tell drew that, bc he'd be forced to open up about his past and his passion for music (which is like. the one thing he doesn't want to do)

and imo, jake caring about drew (and henriam ofc but this ain't abt them) and genuinely wanting to be friends is sort of... integral to who he is as a character, in a way. jake changed himself to keep drew, bc he cared about what drew thought of him. whether or not he was right, jake assumed that drew would bully him/drop him if he ever found out that he liked music. jake didn't wanna lose drew, so he kept quiet and lied. it obviously wasn't RIGHT, but still, it's what he does.

once he got closer to the music club, things got way more complicated though, because jake's lies became more than just lies of omission. and eventually, he grew distant towards drew around eps8-10. HOWEVER, i dont think he was really aware that he was doing it, or that he was inherently being an asshole/bad friend on purpose???

i think that's proven in the drake fight. like, jake lied to protect his friendship with drew, but it obviously backfired on him in the long run ("how am i supposed to know anything about your passion when you don't tell me anything anymore!?"). so jake only actually realised his mistakes, especially how badly he treated drew in the past month of canon, when they were thrown in his face by DREW HIMSELF.

and you see jake himself be surprised before quickly cracking, because he realised that drew was right. he has been lying for years. and it's sorta important to think abt the words here. "if you care so much about your friends, jake, why don't you spit out the truth already?!" ...quickly followed by jake spitting out the truth. not only did (and probably still does) jake care about drew, but he also considered them friends! WHICH ALSO EXPLAINS "nice to know we were never really friends." "that's not...! drew..."

jake trying to defend himself shows that even after everything, he still viewed drew as a friend, and wanted drew to hear him out and stay in his life. like, idk, after he came clean, jake still cared about what drew thought, and hoped that he'd want to still be his friend too.

i talked abt this in my last essay, but jake was so broken up after the fight. sure, it looked like he'd moved on, but the way he thought he saw the jomies at the competition + the right now mep part just kinda proved that he hadn't. and idk, i can only imagine that it hurts - losing your first friend, and only having yourself to blame because you lied to his face in an attempt to keep him.

LMAO SO IDK i think jake sort of did value drew as a friend, and that maybe, just maybe, drake is not as unrequited as people think?? imo their issue wasn't really that it was one-sided, but bc they never told eachother how much they valued eachother (for whatever reason)

[jellazticious]

Doodle dump with Michel, the Engineer he thinks look cute, and their entire team

Little ramble of his backstory under the cut because I love Michel

So I will be telling this in shit post form. Sorry tumblr folks, my decent writing is for discord only snndxn

So Michel turned into that because the team Medic had a magnificent idea. Like one night he watched NatGeo and it happened to be how mischievous octopus are and he thought "lmao, what if Spy does that......

...

WHAT IF SPY DOES THAT"

So yeah, he went to their Spy and went "you want to naturally become invisible without a watch?? And also make your bones like memory foam so you can squeeze through tight spaces??"

"you son of a bitch I'm in"

And so Medic like stole an octopus from an aquarium nearby and like took samples from it to make this serum he injects on Michel.

But like the effects kicks in slowly and hypothetically it would last a month.

Both Medic and Spy agreed to spam Uber on Spy to see if it boosts the serum since it kinda does stuff to your bloodstream. I dunno, it's Uber.

Three Ubers in and he can slightly control his camouflage, on like the eight time, he can completely change his skin to match the surroundings on command, is extremely flexible and they tried if he can squeeze through a closed window and he did. It's disgusting but he did

BUT IT DIDN'T STOP THERE

Yes, he got some desired effects from rushing it but one month is one month. He's gonna get more from the serum whether he likes it or now.

How did he get the tentacles? Easy. Constantly being respawned. It's just like getting ubered but stronger since it rearranges the entire body rather than only affecting skin and blood.

One month after, he turned into THAT

.

.

.

Now that's out of the way, I'm gonna explain the doodles badly

.

.

The topmost doodles were the first doodles of Michel actually being a character. His gills are hella strong unlike regular fish gills that dies to a single grip. They're attached to his lungs so that's why smoke comes out of it. They're also extremely ticklish because yes-

Just don't shove your hand in it ffs, good lord, why would you do that-

The second one is a joke (*in the same cadence as "Dinkleberg"* Sussuri) because I'm pretty shit at anatomy in general

The ones under it are me showing off his squishiness. And messing around because of course I'd add that.

Then the painkillers one is because he grew two extra hearts and like he doesn't want them, it makes him feel icky thinking about it. It also feels weird when you're being active and you feel three heartbeats. Euughh, I wouldn't want that too. Yeah if you're gonna take off organs as vital as a heart while keeping the patient alive, you've want to douse them in painkillers while the operation takes like at least a day probably. He didn't get scars, they heal at an alarming rate

The next ones are mostly his Engie. His name is Sal (no last name yet) and he's newly transferred to the team. He's a rambler too. Michel being a listener finds that quite endearing.

Okay I can explain why he has legs. It's a disguise but it came from a specialized kit made by the Medic and the other Engineer. It was made to last for long periods of time and its harder to fade, it also does not disappear when the wearer attacks. However, it only has one guise and that's Michel pre-tentaspy

They totally did not prepare that because they know something will go wrong, nope, no siree! Guarantee!

My boy gained a bitch in the span of one day but the disguise had to fail because of course it would. Sal, like any rational person would, freaked out and tells the team, to which they all replied with "yeah he's an octopus" like it's a normal occurrence (technically it is to them) without any context.

It's okay, Medic told him exactly what happened

Also ignore how badly designed the entire team is, it took me *checks watch* 30 minutes while I was running on homemade chai latte. I did not look at actual cosmetics, I just slapped in what I remember. They cannot exist in game sbnddn

The two Pyros are the only ones with names (excluding Michel and Sal)

Dion (stock Pyro) and Mantha (kitty Pyro)

Also the Medic and Sniper here are together if that isn't already obvious sndndn

.

Aye dont worry, Michel and Sal winds up together because I'm a chronic Engiespy shipper and of course they would

One last thing I'd like to add is that I gave Michel my beauty marks (two moles on the chin and one on the nose)

[sorenflyinn]

FOAMING IN THE MOUTH LIKE-- FINALLY AN AUTHOR WITH REQUESTS OPEN AND WRITES FOR OUR KING SHOJI!!!!

*ahem* I'm just really excited and hyped-

idk if you rather write this as a oneshot or a headcannon, it's up to you!

How about a telekinesis reader (think of tatsumaki from OPM) who is known to be dating shoji. Like-- the scene here is when shoji tells the whole class about his past like in the manga. Reader is someplace else when his history/face reveal happened. Mina or any of the girls in the class, out of curiosity and care for their friends, asked if reader already saw his face and all. And he's like-- 'Yeah and y/n had a VERY different reaction to it than all of you here.' and the whole class became like low-key angry till he laughed and explained how reader had the most perfect response to his reveal.

Because when he showed his face to reader, reader looked at him sadly while caressing the scar on his face and started saying like "Oh Mezo, what happened? This must have been painful *smiles sadly at him* but even with the scar, I still love you."

Cue Mezo malfunctioning. Because this bitch fr thought he was wearing a mask to hide his scars like 😭 'Im using this mask to hide my face in general???' Like he has to make sure and tried explaining and reader is like- "Huh? Scary? You??" Like-- that's why reader's reaction was his favorite so far. It was not out of fear or pity- it was anticlimactic turned romantic. (Reader probably already had seen too much in the hero field to be phased anymore lmao)

Sorry this got long-- I'm a deprived mezo fan since 2019. And only started brainrotting now when authors and content creators started giving him some love 💕

FOCUSED ON THIS SO HARD AS SOON AS I SAW THIS WONDERFUL IDEA SO I HOPE IT’S HOW YOU IMAGINED 🫶

IGNORING PREPPING FOR FINALS WITH THESE BUT IT’S WORTH IT 🤭

Shoji x gn!reader

a oneshot on how y/n reacts to seeing shoji’s face for the first time (along with class 1-a)

This contains manga spoilers, so read if you’d like

Mezo was worried about doing this without you, his girlfriend, there with him, but he said he would do it, so he’ll follow through with it.

When Aizawa asked for your help in regards to Eri’s power, Mezo decided that it was time to reveal his face to the rest of the class. He didn’t want you caught up in the trouble that might occur with their reactions.

As everyone sat in the main room, he took his mask off, bracing himself for his reactions before telling them all his story.

As he explained it all, their reactions were around the same, shock and horror painting their faces before they all went to hug him.

After a moment of silence, Yaoyorozu spoke up, “Have you shown Y/N yet?”

“Yes I have, and they had a very different reaction to it than you all did.”

All of their eyes widened in shock at what that could mean, and as Shoji realized they were taking it the wrong way, he corrected them, “No, no, they didn’t react badly, they just..”

~~~

You and Mezo were in your room, him fidgeting constantly as he sat on your bed next to you, watching you practice your quirk on different things around your room.

Just as a pencil floated into your hand, you looked over to him, a worried look on your face, “Hey, are you okay? You’ve been fidgeting a lot.”

He turned to you before diverting his eyes, nerves filling him after each second. Taking a breath to calm himself, he looked back at you, “I was thinking.. I’m ready.”

You blinked, “Ready for what?” After a moment you realized, your eyes lighting up in glee, and you gasped, “Really? Are you sure?”

He smiled at you, albeit, under the mask, but you could see the corners of his eyes crinkle a bit which was a telltale sign for you, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Turning his body towards you fully, he took a deep breath as you did as well. You smiled gently before taking one of his big hands in your own, “Take your time, love.”

He squeezed your hand gently before letting go, his hands going up and lowering his mask. The bundle of nerves in his stomach seemed to quadruple, only for it to melt away as he felt your hand gently cup his cheek.

“Mezo.. what happened?” You gently rubbed your thumb over his cheekbone, “This must’ve been painful.. but even with the scars I still love you.”

It took him a moment to realize, but those words along with how you looked at him showed that you didn’t even realize that the shape of his face was different, and instead you thought his reason for hiding his face was the scars.

“N-No, I don’t hide my face because of the scars, it’s because of.. well, people always told me my face was scary..” He averted his gaze away from you.

“Wh- huh? ‘Scary’??” Bringing your other hand to his face, you brought his gaze back to yours, “All I see is an absolutely gorgeous man, I don’t see anything about you that I would consider ‘scary’.”

After a few moments of looking into each other’s eyes, Mezo’s arms were hugging you to him tightly. No words were spoken as you sat like that in his arms, calmness finally washing over his worries as if they were never there.

“Thank you.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for, Mezo.”

Pulling back, he looks at your lips then back to your eyes, and you nod softly with a small smile. Slowly leaning in, you share a soft kiss.

Bliss fills both of you as you pull back, going back to hugging as he lays back with you on top of him, your weight relaxing him as he feels the exhaustion of worrying catching up to him, causing him to fall asleep on your bed.

~~~

As he finished retelling the story, he looked up at his classmates who all had tears in their eyes as Mina was the first one to speak, “That- *sniff* was such a cute story.”

Right as she blew her nose, you opened the door to the dorms, slightly shocked to see everyone sitting in the main room, and even more, that they were all looking at you.

“I’m guessing I missed something important?” Looking over to your boyfriend, your eyes widened as you saw him without his mask on in front of them. He smiled at you softly, to which you reciprocated instantly, “It seems I did.”

Walking over, you start to see that all of your classmates have tears in their eyes which cause you to worry, looking between them and Mezo. “As much as I’d like to be caught up to speed, I should really go to be-”

You were cut off as Mina and the rest of the girls jumped and hugged you as Ochaco said something about how adorable that story was, but you didn’t think you heard correctly.

Stuck in their grasps, you struggled out a, “Ok, nevermind I’ll just stay here then.” Before hugging them all back.

[hydn-jpg]

hello!! i am alive !!!!

how have y'all been? i've definitely been better lol

so... i can explain. or maybe not. i've never been good at talking about things but i'll do my best

under the cut bc a bunch of things happened and this'll probably be very long:

honestly where do i even start?

it has been a very rough almost month and a half for me, it was as if whatever god or entity out there went "lol wouldn't it be funny if we made this person go through several bad things all within the span of a few weeks" and then did just that

in early august i got a call from my mom that my grandmother had passed away. i had just gotten home from class at the time, but i immediately went out again and took the soonest available flight back to korea for her funeral. losing her hit me pretty hard honestly, she was the one i turned to when things were hard, and was also the only one who was generally supportive of my identity and sexuality. she didn't really get it, but she never made homophobic or transphobic comments, and was always kind and unconditionally loving. chuseok this year will be difficult without her around but at least she is in a better place i hope.

i took two weeks off from school to stay with my family after that. when i got back i was mostly catching up on all the classes i missed so i had very little time to do anything else. the stress coupled with all the physical exertion and everything else lead me to have the worst asthma attack i've experienced as of yet, it could've gotten a lot worse if it weren't for my kind neighbours who rushed to help me when they saw me struggling in the hallway

then in late august i got into a car accident. i was driving home from campus (which is an hour away), it was raining very heavily and i guess i lost control of my car. i am not sure what exactly happened honestly, one moment i was driving peacefully (and at appropriate speed for driving in the rain) and the next moment my car was spinning around and hitting the guardrails before crashing. it sounds cliché but everything was in slow motion and i literally saw my life flash before my eyes. i'm really thankful that the highway was basically empty, so no one else was affected. i somehow came out of the accident with only a concussion, a badly sprained arm and neck and some cuts and bruises. those will surely heal with time but the trauma of it will probably stay for quite a while.

so that's what happened. my mental health has not been great but i've been feeling a bit better lately! so that's good. i've been too physically, mentally and emotionally drained to do anything haha.

i probably won't be able to draw for a while thanks to my injury so you won't be seeing any art from me for at least another month or so,, to people i still owe commissions to, i will have to give you an IOU because again, i can't draw rn but also because i lost basically all the art that i haven't backed up during the crash, which unfortunately includes the commission sketches :( i'm so sorry, i'll redraw them as soon as i'm able to. i really wish procreate had an automatic cloud backup system so at least the sketches i did were saved but we can't always get what we want i guess,,

thank you to everyone who reached out and asked about my wellbeing and i'm really sorry for ignoring your messages and tags. i'll get to them as soon as i can!

tldr; my grandma passed, i had a bad asthma attack and i got into a car accident but i am okay. not really but i'll be okay maybe. lmao.

[edoro]

What do you think of "Watching and Dreaming"?

oooh thank you for asking! took me a bit to get to it but today i am MEDICATED and MOSTLY FINISHED WITH CLEANING so let's see what i can shake out of the ol' brainpan

gonna put this under a cut because it's probably going to get long, but overall: i liked it! i think it wrapped everything up pretty well, did not leave any major plot points unaddressed, and i found the timeskip epilogue to be sweet and hopeful but not saccharine or cloying.

in more detail:

seeing the three episodes we got for season 3 makes me wish so badly that we'd gotten the full run of the show that the crew wanted. i've seen word from the last post-hoot that they found out the show was canceled right before the mid-s2 hiatus, which tracks with the overall pacing and direction of the back half of s2, and it's just a tragedy. i think they did a really good job with what they had, considering the insanely compressed runtime they were given to work with.

i'm a little disappointed that the other kids didn't get more screentime in the final episode. it makes sense but i wish we had gotten more of them and their interactions with each other outside of Luz - and their interactions with Camila, too.

i honestly really loved the whole thing with the Collector. i know a lot of people don't for various reasons, but, Shrug Emoji. some of the criticisms of his whole arc really don't make sense to me - i feel like the people who are mad that they did turn out to be a misguided kid who didn't understand the gravity of what they were doing or how it affected others for various reasons (such as: being a child, having been isolated for centuries with only Philip for company, being immortal and having incredible reality-warping powers) and changed their tune when it was explained to them just, uh... were not really paying attention? lmao?

like it was pretty obvious from his first appearance that he was a child or at least very childlike, and we can easily infer from those scenes that he's been held captive and manipulated by Philip under the guise of friendship and 'letting him free to play', so everything else follows pretty naturally from that.

i liked how it was Luz, with her own childhood experience of death and grief, who recognized what was going on here and sought to explain it to them. she's always been an empathetic person who tries to see the best in others and give them the benefit of the doubt. sometimes, like with Philip, this comes back to bite her, but most of the time it's good and helpful.

i really like how we had someone just outright tell her "lmao no" to her whole "but am i JUST AS BAD as Philip???" thing. like honey, no, you have made some clumsy mistakes while meaning well, and the thing you're the most guilty about is literally just 'helping a guy who manipulated and lied to you without realizing he was manipulating and lying to you', which is not even your fault, because HE LIED TO YOU. Philip has spent centuries carefully engineering his way into being able to commit genocide. these two things are not the same.

speaking of Philip: i also know a lot of people have been upset with his ending. honestly, i'm not! i think that it tracks very well with the kind of person he's always been - a stubborn, manipulative liar who sees himself as a victim and blames everyone else around him for the tragedies that he's experienced, many of which he's directly personally caused, and who has been given chance after chance to change his mind, change his behavior, change his beliefs, and simply refuses to.

like... some people are just assholes! i don't think that the fact that he ended up lying, manipulating, treating humans as supreme, and trying to commit witch genocide to the very bitter end means that he was like, Born Evil, i think it means that he was once a sweet kid who loved his brother who grew into a cruel, hateful, manipulative man who only saw certain people as Fully Persons and therefore deserving of existence, and felt like he had the authority to decide who is or is not a person.

and honestly like... The Owl House is a children's cartoon. it's rated Y7. it is for children and part of its purpose IS to teach children things, and i actually think that "sometimes, people will hurt you, and they'll lie and say they're doing it for your own good or for the greater good, or they'll have a sympathetic reason for doing it, but that doesn't actually matter because they keep hurting you and you do not owe them infinite chances to keep doing that" is a really good lesson to teach children.

Philip's story is a tragedy and the tragedy is that he easily COULD have done literally any other thing, but he refused to. he had chances! he refused to take them! he had centuries to go, "wait, am i the baddie?" and he did not. he murdered Caleb himself and then blamed witches for that. instead of treating the grimwalkers like family, he treated them like disposable toys to take his anger at Caleb out on. he lied, manipulated, killed, stole, and hurt countless people because he felt like they deserved it because of his own unhappiness.

some people are like this! it happens! i have met them and personally been harmed by them in ways that are going to impact me for the rest of my life and have, if not exactly ruined my life, made it a hell of a lot harder than it would have been otherwise.

so for me, seeing that the ultimate resolution of Philip's story is that he refused to change, he refused to admit any fault, he kept lying and manipulating and trying to hurt people, and eventually everyone he tried to hurt and lie to turned on him and got rid of him so he couldn't keep hurting them is very satisfying.

The Owl House is a show about how people have the capability to change, but the flip side of that is that it means they have to choose to do so, and some people won't. so what do you do then? what happens when someone is hateful, cruel, and dangerous, and won't stop trying to exterminate an entire race of people because he blames them for his own self-inflicted problems? what do you owe someone like that? how many chances should you give them? how often should you let them have the opportunity to hurt you or others again?

i think the fact that he went out so pathetically is also very fitting. to the very end he wouldn't own up to anything. he just kept trying to lie and manipulate. and like many people who act this way, when his manipulation didn't work, he dropped the mask and got mad.

so yeah! i liked that aspect of it, and i feel like a lot of the criticisms are honestly just... expecting Philip to have played a very different role in the story than imo he was set up to play. he was the contrast to people like Alador or Hunter or Amity or the Collector. he was the example of what happens when someone REFUSES to change and uses any chance you give them as a foothold to do more damage. so the ending where it's just, "sometimes you have to do what you can to protect yourself from people like that" is imo quite narratively cohesive, and i think that it also fits into the overall theme of "your character is determined by your actions." Philip COULD HAVE ended differently, but he didn't, because of his own actions.

let's see... i feel very (seesawing hand motion) about the scene with Luz and Papa Titan. overall i think i like it.

i like the idea that Luz found everything through her own ingenuity and Philip didn't because he didn't treat the Isles as worth studying!

but that being said, i think there's something quite powerful about the idea of the land itself as a being with some limited level of agency, able to open itself and its resources up to someone who approaches it with respect and able to reject someone who comes in to rapaciously plunder it in order to kill those who live on it, ESPECIALLY given the fact that Philip is, literally, a white Puritan.

like that's definitely also a very meaningful narrative to me!

i don't really talk about this a whole lot here, for various reasons, but half of my family is native (Osage, specifically.) i'm not connected to that side of my family or that aspect of my own heritage for Complicated Reasons including abuse and the ongoing effects of white supremacy and colonial violence causing those members of my family themselves to be disconnected from their heritage in a way that meant that i was, basically, raised as a white person who is visually Ethnically Ambiguous depending on how familiar the people looking at me are with what mixed native people look like.

however, as someone who has perhaps a more personal connection than some others in the fandom might to the idea of "white man from a colonizer culture comes into a land foreign to him, views them all as backwards evil savages who must be purged for the safety of the good white Christians, proceeds to plunder and misuse their resources for his own gains, destroys their connection to their own history and culture and installs himself as a figurehead leading them into death" as like, a narrative, i don't think that the idea that the Titan was watching what happened and subtly nudging or influencing events to the degree that he was able to (which was ultimately a very, very small one) is like... meaningless.

and i don't think that what he said to Luz negates any of the messaging of the series. he didn't say, "you were special All Along, so you deserve my powers." he said, "you're the one who's here right now, and you seem good enough."

like... she proved herself, by her actions, to be an open and caring person who wants to do good, and specifically cares deeply for the Isles and the people on them, to the point where she is willing to sacrifice herself for them. and she's the one who is here, right now, in this moment. and she is not a perfect person, but she's Good Enough.

i actually really like that! she's here and she's good enough. she's the one in a position to do something about it and she seems okay. i don't think that it does retroactively make her into a "chosen one", because she didn't get it through her birthright or anything, she was given it because she ended up there (because she sacrificed herself to save the Collector) and she had previously shown herself to be someone the Titan thought would use it well.

so i liked that! i think that, like with "you actually do not have to keep giving someone chances to hurt you when they are a shitty liar, even if they're also sad", "you're here and you're good enough" is a pretty good lesson!

what else, what else... loved the whole bit with Philip possessing Raine and them fighting him off. loved the sequence of the two of them duking it out in the throne room and the fact that Philip just BIT them - little brother behavior for sure. Raine is a stone-cold fucking badass.

one little detail i liked a lot is the bit where they're stuck in the goop in the throne room basically waiting to die, and Eda comes in - i specifically really love how the crew got the look of soft, fuzzy, unfocused confusion in their eyes because they don't have their glasses and can't see. there's a particular way that people who need glasses to see often look when they don't have them, and they got it really well, and i just really liked that detail!

the final fight was indeed Cool As Fuck. i love how anime TOH is.

i liked the epilogue! it was very sweet. i like that it showed how people grew and changed and repaired the Isles, while not completely erasing the damage that was done. i also think it did a good job of wrapping stuff up while still leaving a lot open - it did not, imo, fall into the "jobs and babies forever" trap of something like, say, the Harry Potter epilogue, but it showed us how things went and gave us a lot of room to imagine where they'll go from there.

also love everyone's new designs. Good For All Of Them. Amity got so fucking gay and Gus is so HANDSOME now!

also of course i was ecstatic over the Huntlow lmao - i can't believe i used to dislike it! i love how often she just kind of casually and fondly manhandles him. my friend Sharo said something to the effect of, "i like how the scene where they're sliding and he stumbles and she catches him shows that it's been so long since he had to do child soldier shit that his hot jock gf is now way stronger and more athletic and nimble than him" and i haven't been normal about it since! he's SOFT now!!

so, overall, i feel positively about it! there are a lot of small threads that got dropped, no doubt due to the series being canceled, but i think they wrapped everything up well, and i feel like everything that happened actually was pretty thematically on point. i am satisfied with it! i wish we'd gotten more, but i enjoy what we did get.

[savedpeople]

thoughts on the dead city finale:

sucks that ginny finally tried to talk and didn’t get to

everything i didn’t want to happen, happened lol. it’s revealed that ginny’s dad was one of the five men negan killed, and negan told her this to push her away and get her to go with armstrong, and now their relationship is likely strained if not ruined. she didn’t even want to wear his shirt anymore :( but you can also tell it hurt him to tell her and that he actually cares about her more than he says (confirmed bts later.) it also bugs me bc in ginny’s eyes this most likely confirmed maggie’s “he’s a monster” from last episode

and then i was unfortunately right, in that the dama wanted negan to... lead? help her lead? honestly it’s bizarre that she decided she needed him THAT badly and making him THAT important solely based on the croat’s fanboying, without ever meeting him. and now negan’s being forced into a position where he’ll likely have to be “old negan” again. 

“like mommy and daddy coming together”

i’m glad the croat’s still around i kinda like him lmao

BUT. it’s complete bs that the answer to “how did the croat know about negan and maggie’s history” is “he randomly ran into Jerome The Random Savior (i checked and this is not someone who was seen previously in the saviors, not even as a background character) over ten years later, and jerome told him about the story of The Widow, because for some reason, out of everything negan did, maggie’s story is the only story anyone from the savior era ever talks about.” still doesn’t explain how the croat knew what maggie looked like or managed to find her new community, or how he knows negan worked with her in season 11, since jerome was long gone by then. I really hate “characters absent during important events know intimate details about those events because random character the audience never met told them about it off-screen bc the plot needs it” stuff

negan indirectly/accidentally killing luther ended up having no consequences and was never found out since everyone in luther’s group died. all it did was distract maggie from telling negan about ginny’s dino... which she ended up never telling him about. he realized she wasn’t being truthful about things but the fact that she hid the dino never comes up.

negan got stabbed in the chest/shoulder?? and he just pulled the knife out and there was no blood or tear in his jacket? dude was just entirely unaffected lol

negan also confirmed that he would’ve helped maggie anyway if she’d been honest with him from the get-go

look okay i’ll say it the negan/maggie fight scene was hot idc

armstrong lied and told the marshals he killed negan, which is nice, but will probably backfire on him later

hershel not seeming excited, relieved, grateful, or anything about maggie rescuing him. how long was he with the dama? seeing that he drew a picture of her and mentioned almost feeling safer there than at home, it almost seems like he liked being there or formed some kind of bond with her, despite her chopping one of his toes off.

their relationship makes me sad. i honestly also, sincerely find it a bit weird that they’re writing maggie as being “obsessed” with negan still? like i understand the idea of her having a hard time with looking at hershel and just being reminded of glenn, and that affecting her relationship with hershel and him being bothered by that. but hershel specifically says it feels like she only sees negan when she looks at him, not his dad. and that his whole life she’s just been looking over his shoulder waiting for negan. this feels weird to me, and is different from her being reminded of glenn and thus also what negan did, if that makes sense. she’s spent years and years away from negan, and that on top of how their relationship was at the end of season 11, this obsession being described doesn’t really make sense? you’re saying that throughout those years of finding and building communities, in private she’s still obsessing over him that noticeably? that it’s so bad that hershel thinks 5+ years later that she still cares more about “revenge” and says he felt safer in nyc with the dama? it doesn’t totally seem to line up with what we’re seeing. idk maggie deserves a better storyline than constantly revolving around negan and glenn. and vice versa for that matter. i don’t want hershel to turn out like he did in the comics.

i like that hershel seems to have creative hobbies. he’s great at drawing and i believe we saw him playing the guitar?

i don’t know how i feel about the River People, and the confirmation that there were more groups Negan once ruled over. with the whole “people are a resource” thing and negan being vehemently against simon wiping out entire communities, and all out war presumably being the first time negan got desperate enough to resort to killing everyone, what happened to the River group since they’re clearly not in the picture anymore by the time Rick’s group shows up? if they were truly unable to provide, thus negan killing someone when they fail to deliver, i don’t see negan just continuing to kill someone every week until there was no one left. so like what happened there. this is also another issue with them adding new things to negan’s pre-rick days. they do realize negan was only a leader for likely not even a year and a half? there was not that much time after lucille’s death for negan to find the sanctuary, take over, and go through a whole bunch of communities. I also don’t know whether or not i like negan offering to let the croat use lucille and be the person to “kill one” in order to get the group to submit. especially since it was said that croat was brand new to the group and didn’t even know how things worked yet?? though it’s hilarious he missed the first time. you’re embarrassing dad, dude.

quietly adding “negan is a gin man, not a brandy man” to my box of random info canon has given me, as someone who has never had a sip of alcohol in my life and therefore can do nothing with this information

“i have a funky cramp in my leg, buggin’ the shit out of me” old man (lovingly.) cramp in his leg bothering him but his shoulder that was stabbed is a-ok lol

for dama handing negan the key my notes literally just say “fckn toe in a box” lmao

they need to give us the croat’s and the dama’s real names in season 2 bc i cannot go the rest of my twd days calling them The Croat and The Dama every time they’re mentioned and i refuse to believe negan actually called him “the croat” the entire time he was at the sanctuary

if this doesn’t end in negan offing the dama and getting a second chance to lead and doing it The Right Way this time then i don’t want it

if there was more, i forgot it, and it’s nearly 4:30am so i am o u t bc I have work tomorrow

[guess-my-next-obsession]

Happy 800!!

how about false god with javi gutierrez ? taylor always has me in the trenches with that song 😫

False God

pairing: javi g x reader

warnings: NSFW 18+, unprotected sex, angst, breakup-ish?, lots of talk of religion in a probably super blasphemous way but i don’t care (if you do, just skip this one!), fluffy makeups.

words: 1.8k

a/n: first attempt at a javi g fic i’m pretty sure, and i’m realizing writing him is just not my forte 😂 so after posting my upcoming request for “gorgeous”, i will no longer be attempting to write this beautiful puppy dog of a character since i don’t feel i can do him justice lmao

celebration masterlist

We were crazy to think, crazy to think that this could work. Remember how I said I'd die for you? We were stupid to jump in the ocean separating us. Remember how I'd fly to you?

It was never supposed to go on this long. What began as a one-night-stand one summer in Majorca turned into a couple nights in his mansion, turning into a couple weeks in his arms, and now…

“Can’t you just fly to New York? Just for one night?” You begged on facetime, Javi’s golden face looking at yours with a frown. It had been a month since you’d last seen him—last felt him. It was unrealistic at best, your long distance relationship with this young, gorgeous, puppy-dog of a billionaire, but it was what your heart desired. “I flew to you last time.”

“You did,” He chuckled at your righteous tone, combing his curls back. “And I remember just how well that went. And how many times we went. But I can’t, amorcito. I have to go to Los Angeles this week to do some interviews for the movie, then I’m going to London to meet with the producers for my next film…I’m sorry. I miss you so much.”

“Yeah.” You rolled your eyes and shook your head. You were more than proud of his career taking off, especially since it meant he was getting away from the crime business once and for all, but you couldn’t help but feel pushed to the side. You knew it was selfish. He still made sure to call you everyday, still kept in touch, still sent flowers and gifts to you when he knew you were feeling particularly lonely. He was doing everything right, but the distance clouded his actions. “Hey, I gotta go.”

“What? Where?” He furrowed his brows, his accent getting thicker the more worked up he got.

“I’m going to go out…go…take my mind off things.” You sighed and set the phone down on your bed, rubbing your temples in frustration.

“Princesa, please…I want to be there, to be able to come and be with you, but I’m just too busy this month.” He felt his stomach churn with nerves as you pressed the red button to end the call, silencing your phone. You needed to remind yourself that your life and happiness didn’t revolve around this perfect man—or at least pretend for a night.

I know heaven's a thing—I go there when you touch me, honey, hell is when I fight with you. But we can patch it up good, make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness, got the wine for you.

It had been one long, painful, exhausting week of fighting with your Spanish lover. It was a constant back and forth. You were upset that he still refused to come visit, even if only for a fucking hour like you’d begged him to. Javi was upset that you kept hanging up on him every time he tried to explain his situation, feeling like he meant so little to you that you’d just leave anytime it got a little tough.

It went on and on like this every night. Hell delivering itself right at your fingertips any time he’d call, just for the two of you to end up fighting again. Never had a man been able to stir such extremes in you. Life had never felt so bad than when Javi shouted at you. Just like life never felt so good when he shouted for you. The two opposite sides of the coin you couldn’t stop yourself from flipping. Heaven or hell, heaven or hell. Would you call him up and tell him how badly you missed his face between your thighs, or would you call him up to let him know he’d never see you again?

Before you could make your mind up, a furious knocking sounded on your apartment door, causing a furrow in your brows. You stood up from your bed where you had been holding your phone, hovering over the “call” button, and walked to your door. Looking through the peephole, you felt your heart stutter when you saw a familiar head of golden curls standing on the other side. Quickly opening it, Javi turned to you with a look of pure concern, eyes studying you from head to toe for a second before he was lunging towards you, hands cradling your face as he walked you backwards.

“Missed you.” He spoke against your lips, your hands gripping at his shirt as he closed the door with his foot and walked you back down the hall. “Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t do anything.”

“I can’t believe you’re here.” You breathed out as you finally reached your bedroom, the backs of your knees soon hitting your mattress. Javi kissed down your jaw and neck, his hands gripping all over your body as though to make sure you were really there, your hands shaking as they did the same. “Thought I’d never see you again.”

“Never.” He shook his head and pulled back, his pretty brown eyes locking with yours. “I’m yours, tú eres mi vida.”

“I love you,” You confessed for the first time, swept away by his presence and his gaze. It wasn’t supposed to come out, but it had, and Javi could only do one thing in response.

“Oh, mi amor, I love you too.” He nodded and leaned back in to your lips, softer and full of tenderness as he laid you down, his hands working at the button of his pants while you tried to shimmy your shorts off. “I’ve been walking around like a sick dog. I went to have lunch with Nick and—“

“Is this going to be a long story, because…” You gestured to your now bare lower half, Javi taking in the way it glistened just for him. He chuckled and shook his head, deciding to table his story for later. “No foreplay, not right now. Just need to feel you.”

“Are you sure, mi vida? I don’t want to—“

“I’m sure, mi amor.” You held his face in your hands as he hovered over you, your smile matching his as he smiled down at you in that puppy-dog way that endeared him to you like no other. “I’m ready.”

“Okay,” He leaned down and kissed you, softly at first until the thick head of his length pushed inside. The two of you sighed against each other’s lips at the long-forgotten contact, your kiss soon deepening again as he withdrew his length only to push back inside. “Feels like heaven, mi vida.”

We might just get away with it. Religion's in your lips. Even if it's a false god, we'd still worship. We might just get away with it. The altar is my hips. Even if it's a false god, we'd still worship this love.

“Slow, just like that, Javi.” You couldn’t believe how holy such a sinful act could feel, his tip expertly gliding against that perfect spot deep inside you with every thrust. It felt like a certain kind of worship, the way his body gave and gave and gave to you. He felt it too. Your wetness all around him, his own personal temple to absolve himself of every sin he’d ever committed.

“You are perfect,” he breathed out into your ear as his head hung in the crook of your neck, your fingers laced with his curls while your other hand held the swell of his ass to guide his deep strokes. “So perfect. I’m so sorry for ever letting you think you came second to me, mi vida. You’re the—oh—only thing I care about.”

“Show me,” you begged, voice breathy and pitched as you desperately sought euphoria. “Please, Javi, show me.”

“Si, bonita.” He nodded and lifted his head, sitting back on his launches and pressing your legs to your chest. He slid in at the perfect angle like this, your thighs trembling beneath his hands as he continued carving into you slowly, expertly, in every way you never knew you needed. Your head pressed into the pillows, hands gripping the sheets to ground yourself, your breath being held and released over and over again as you concentrated on the pleasure of it all. “Let go for me, mi vida.”

“Oh, Javi!” You slipped deep into your climax, half-fearing that you’d never recover from it as it vibrated through your ever nerve long after it’s peak. Javier leaned over your form again, driving his hips in deep and hard as he joined you in your sinful garden of eden, his spend coating your walls as he did.

“Fuck,” He hissed as his eyes squeezed shut, his hips involuntarily grinding into you still as you both laid there together. His lips found your skin, whatever they could reach, and left trails of thanks over it. Your hands tan over every inch of tanned skin you could find, soothing not only him but yourself. “I bought a place here in New York.”

“What?” You lifted his head from where it laid in your shoulder, your mind skeptical but your smile growing any way.

“I don’t want to be in Spain anymore. There’s nothing for me there. My home is here, with you.” He ran his thumb over your cheek, heart fluttering in his chest as he took in your growing grin.

“And your movies?”

“I’ll have to travel every now and then for work, but…makes my plane ride shorter. Flying from here to LA is a lot easier than from Majorca.” He kissed your cheek and finally slid out of you, resting close to your side and snuggling you in. “You’re my future. The movies are just…my hobby.”

“Your hobby that makes you lots of money.”

“Money to spend on you, on us…maybe on a family down the road—“

“Okay, let’s take it one step at a time, my pretty boy.” You chuckled and turned in his arms, looking straight into his brown eyes. “You’re my future, too.”

“Good, that would’ve been so awkward.” He joked, making you chuckle. “Can I tell you about my latest visit with my super close Hollywood friend, Nicolas Cage, now?”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s hear it.”

“Okay so it was a warm, beautifully sunny day in Los Angeles—well, it was actually a little too warm, you know? Like for a city this close to the ocean, you really expect to feel more of a breeze, but it was honestly fucking dry and pathetic there…”

On and on he went about his meeting, and on and on you listened. He was a man who loved tangents, but he was also a man you loved. You would’ve sat there all night and listened to him muse over another grown man if he insisted, because now there was no clock on your visits, no countdown to your inevitable parting. He was here to stay. All the distance between you, and the worry that this religion of a love affair was fleeting seemed to vanish in an instance.

Your false god was here to stay.

taglist: @joelmillerscoffee @ajeff855 @wildemaven @axshadows @sherala007 @browneyes-issac @tooflef @mariasabana @tae27 @kimm4710 @stxrrylunatic @sara-alonso @paulalikestuff @jbh-castaway @oceandolores @mandomover @chxpsi @auberosier @mashomasho @vanemando15 @wickedmunson @marvel-sw-lover @jediknight122 @harriedandharassed (sorry if your tag isn’t working!)

[atlanticsea]

Hi first off I love your quiz! This quiz hit HARDD. I wanted your thoughts on this: I’m kind of ashamed I got poet. All I see about poets are that we reject duty and are free, and can say pretty words. I secretly wanted so badly to be the soldier but I knew no one would take me seriously bc I’m so obviously a poet. I want desperately to be strong and to protect those around. I want to prove I can handle duty. I have always considered myself not a hard worker and am genuinely shocked when someone tells me I am. I’ll never be as hard working or dedicated as the other 2. I’m “so kind” but if us poets are not the comedic relief or therapist of the group then are we worth anything at all? Sorry this got so deep LMAO, but I see like nothing super positive about poets lmao.

Hi! I'm glad you liked the quiz, but also really sad you feel bad about your result!

None of the archetypes are a bad one or good one to get, and none of them are a condemnation of who you are. I explained here my thinking behind the Poet archetype (and, sorry to say, this ask is giving peak Poet vibes in terms of wanting to affect the world in tangible ways 😭), but I also added in this answer and in this reblog that my writing for three archetypes is only true about said archetypes, and that I can't actually tell you anything about yourself -- your reaction to the quiz is what you can actually learn from. In the end while I love S/P/K as a piece of writing and as an interactive poem that gets a lot of people thinking, it is also just a piece of writing. You getting Poet is not a condemnation, just like it wouldn't be a consecration, just like getting any result wouldn't be either. It's just one of three options I wrote -- and I'll just add for your sake that none of them are really about being hard-working. I mean if anything I wrote Poets to be the most "hard-working" because they're so desperate to find a way to do things effectively. But again: that's just my writing.

I'll say, though, even though I don't know you: people in your life telling you you are hard working is probably a much better indication of what you mean to people than whatever people on social media interpreted from a quiz a stranger wrote for their friends three years ago. A quiz result, no matter what you think it means, can't stop you from being strong or hard-working or from protecting people -- that's fully up to you. Also, being kind is a good thing. Making your friends laugh is a good thing. People thinking you give good advice and are worthy of trust is a good thing. Being the "group comedian" or "group therapist" as long as the group genuinely values you and does not just take in the give-and-take is not a bad thing. Wanting to do good is normal. Nobody, especially not a stupidly large group of people that all got the same result on a random quiz, is worthless. You're a human being and you're alive. That's always worth something.

I genuinely kinda don't know how to respond to this ask because it really has nothing to do with the quiz itself, just with you! I just hope you manage to find value in yourself and love for yourself beyond external assignations.

[stinkrascal]

A couple things I was wondering is how did you figure out you had BPD? I know there's a couple disorders that can often get diagnosed beforehand, so I guess how did you know there was more going on? Secondly, what kind of therapy do you feel was the most helpful, if any? I have issues keeping a therapist because they tuxedo mask away after realizing I already have CBT down (which only kind of helps me). Thank you for being open about BPD! I feel like there's so much unnecessary stigma.

hiiiiii!! sorry i didnt reply yesterday i spent all day writing my silly sims stories 😴 i will talk about my experience under the cut!! ty for being curious about it!! <3

umm tbh i was diagnosed in a really weird way lol. so, like, where i went to high school was a really conservative and religious town, and when i was a freshman in high school i was one of the only trans/lgbt kids that was vocally out at my school. there were more of them, my friend group was basically all lgbt ppl, but i was the only person in my school who would demand staff to call me a different name/use different pronouns. but anyways so my lgbt friend group was being bullied pretty badly so our school hired this counselor training in lgbt issues that would talk to us individually about our experiences as lgbt kids who were bullied and such. it was actually really cool you know! but anyways i was one of the students who had to participate in this and the lady who was talking to me realized that i was, like, a really troubled kid lol. and on top of that i was failing all my classes and i had been struggling in school my entire life (like consistently making report cards with at least 5/7 of the classes being failed type of shit) sooooo they basically had this like idk meeting with my parents? where they were super adamant that they take me to a doctor and put me into therapy bc i was struggling really badly and yeah. after that my parents put me into therapy and got in touch w a doctor and i got some treatment and eventually a bpd diagnosis. but yea it only happened cuz of my school forcing them to take me ha.

the truth is i didn't really suspect anything was wrong with me because the way i grew up, i thought everyone acted like me 🤷‍♂️ i think the only time i started really thinking i might have bpd was when i got my first boyfriend at 16, that's when my codependency and attachment issues really started to manifest, and those have always consistently been the bpd symptoms i struggle the most with. but even back then i didn't really know what bpd was, so it wasn't like i was specifically thinking i was suffering w bpd. more so that i knew something was Off about me but i couldn't really explain what it was

unfortunately i haven't gone to therapy in a long time :( and the last time i went it wasn't for bpd treatment at all. so i really can't say what could help you there in terms of therapy. i did group therapy during my bpd treatment but it didn't really help me much.

you're probably not gonna like this answer lmao but i use weed to medicate my intense mood swings and that helps a lot. also just being able to recognize when i need to cool off and being able to use my words to tell ppl that i need to be alone for a minute to clear my head, that helps too. basically just being mindful of ur changing emotions and giving yourself room to feel those emotions and allow them to pass u, without feeling guilt for this, and without projecting those emotions onto other ppl bc at the end of the day it isn't really anyone else's fault that u feel the way you do.

also just try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt in general, ik my bpd makes me SO sensitive like for example. ik we make jokes about this but you guys im not kidding, my favorite mutual reblogging a post from someone else instead of me hurts my feelings so bad some days i have to just log off and go cry about it. CRY ABOUT IT YOU GUYS! it's really awful and totally not grounded in reality 😭 but like it's there, it's something i experience and deal with, and it isn't anyone's fault that it happens, it's just the cards i was dealt with.

so instead of projecting that feeling onto my beloved mutuals and being like Ohhhhh so you actually hate me! You actually want me to kill myself! You've actually never cared about me ever, person I've had two conversations with in total! yeah instead of working myself up for something so silly... i just try to put myself in other ppls shoes, try to remember that when i do things it is not with malicious intent and most people are also not doing things with malicious intent. bc for me, my bpd tends to dehumanize ppl... they arent people with nuance and depth and complex and at times contradictory lives, theyre my Favorite Person, person who does no wrong, person who could never do any wrong no matter how hard they try, and that's dehumanizing, that's unfair to the person!! so by humanizing the other person, by remembering we are all people with rich inner lives and struggles and most of us just want to do our best even when we slip and fall... it helps calm me down from those spirals where im like, ohhhhh god everyone hates me because they didn't reblog a text post from meeeee!!! lol

[antisocialxconstruct]

Hoi, it's the anon with the nurse mum again. sorry if my last answer frustrated you and I didn't explain it well. ;w; I am very autistic so I probably bumblefucked my main message by being too long

So to be much shorter: why don't I pick antisocial options when they're available to me, in a world that has no consequences? I don't think I have a good answer that will satisfy you. Because to be honest, my answer is: my fantasy isn't picking the evil option. It isn't picking the nice one. My empowerment in RPGs is that I can choose at all, no matter what that choice is.

I spend every day of my life masking if I have to be out in society. I wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was an adult and I've got a lot of trauma (don't we all, I'm definitely not special in this regard) and so for me, my only answer to your question really is "because I didn't feel like it right now, and was allowed to make my own choice." I don't have a better answer than that. Which was a bit my goal of my original post that I think I messed up so badly. Not "actually this is why it makes sense people pick hero options, learn you some empathy" and I am genuinely very sorry if it came across like that

I do think though that if you asked me which I found more "cathartic" overall, between hero or villain, I'd probably say villain/dark/antisocial when they're at least written decently enough. I do like helping people in games sometimes, but sometimes that comes from this "I wish I'd gotten this sort of help when I needed it" and if I think too long about that it gets sad lmao. Meanwhile when I pick the darker options, it's a much more selfish "I wish I could have done this". So at least for me, the characters I make that are close to recklessly good are the kind of people I wish had existed for me, so I could be helped. And the characters I make that are unashamedly antisocial or even nasty pieces of shit, those are the characters I wish I could exist as. Which wasn't directly your question, but maybe it's kind of related? It doesn't answer "Why don't you pick X" but it does at least touch on which I guess I prefer if you stuck a gun to my head and told me to choose

Ah yeah see I knew the order of events was gonna make it look like your ask specifically was the one that bothered me, and I promise it wasn't! If anything it was just the one that really made me sit back and go "hold on I think we've gotten off topic and I didn't even notice." I did think it was an interesting read though, as its own thing and as something related to the broader discussion about what appeals to people in their roleplay experience. The reason I didn't have much to say in direct response was truly just that I didn't want to end up putting my foot in my mouth on your nice story about admiring your mom 😬 (and also I really did have to clock back in a few minutes later)

And tbh I actually do find your answer interesting, especially in the context of someone who spends most of their time masking and is looking for relief from that. Because it's the same for me to an extent, but obviously masking for autism and masking for a personality disorder are two very different experiences. If nothing else I feel like just having someone say outright "well I didn't do what you're suggesting because it just didn't seem interesting," (instead of me just inferring that that's the only reasonable explanation) is satisfying because it means I can look at how I feel about playing The Good Guy (utter disinterest) and map that onto other people's feelings about playing The Bad Guy and be like "oh. Well alright sure." And I do also think I understand the sentiment of it being more about the act of choice than necessarily about the specific thing you choose. I think if I looked inward I could safely say that's a big part of the appeal for me too, which is why I like the idea of a game that presents you with both possibilities and then doesn't try to stop you if you go down the Dark Path (even if there are scarce few games that really get it right lol).

All this to say, please do not feel like it was you specifically who derailed anything or soured my mood or anything like that. It was mostly just bad timing 😔 But I appreciate you coming back to check and I also appreciate the additional insight!

[stnaf-vn]

Hi!

I was wondering if you could tell us why you started working on STNAF and what got you inspired and how long it took you to put out the demo?

I’ve been wanting to start a VN but I guess I don’t really know where to start? And yours is just… amazing, I love it a lot. I played twice and got the friend? and boyfriend endings! I’m excited to see the whole game

I guess I’m just wondering what the process was like to make (and still are making) STNAF

Eeeeee I'm excited to learn about your story!! This may be a little long but I'll try to explain it as best as I can!! Well....for starters I didn't actually expect anyone to be invested in this LMAO. I was just like "Man...it'd be cool to make a game." I was going to just base it off the animation but....I thought Friend's character deserved more substance than 'mean, manipulative Friend' So, I love the yandere trope and I think it's so interesting, so I made him a yandere. All game devs start at ground 0, but if you want to make a VN, there's loads of information in LemmaForums, Reddit, Youtube, and you could also ask game devs for advice as well!! (Lord knows how many times I asked @queenlilithprime for help) It took me quite a long while, the demo would have came out a lot sooner if my Macbook wasn't a piece of garbage, but honestly I'm glad it didn't and I'm glad I pushed it back. The original demo had some of the worst art I ever created and I was ashamed of myself for wanting to so badly get it out there I sacrificed quality. So, I pushed it back. Rushing yourself on anything is never a good thing, especially when it's a project you care about so deeply. I rewrote the script three times in the past two months because I couldn't decide on how I wanted the story to progress. Then I came up with the story you know now, and let me tell you: At this point I was BURNT OUT. I was afraid I wasn't being the best I could be, and if I can be completely transparent, there were times where I thought other game devs could handle the story better than I could. But,I started it and I refused to let it be half finished. So, I sent it over to beta testing and there were quite a few bugs. Lily helped me so much work through them and taught me some cool coding tricks. They also helped me get rid of that quick menu (which was more difficult than I expected LMAO) And, well, now here we are! Demo is out, and it's gotten such amazing feedbacks and small things that'll make it even better when I get the chance to update it. My way of working starts like this: 1. Synopsis. Writing down a short paragraph of what the game will be about and how each chapter/day will go is super helpful! Think about what you want your VN to be like. Do you just want to make a short and sweet VN, or do you have a full story to tell? Pull up a Word or Google doc, and write down a small synopsis. 2. Assets/Sprites. Once you have the idea down, fine-tune it so you know what type of sprites and assets to make (backgrounds, props, music, etc.) This is where you get ~artsy~. I use Procreate for my stuff. 3. Game Script. This can be the tricky part. I use Ren'Py for my VNs and I use Atom to edit/write. It's just easier for me since I am familiar with Atom, but there's tons of different text editors out there (Although Atom quit on me, so I switched to VSCode. ) 4. Beta Testing!! You ideally want to give yourself around 3-4 weeks to fully beta test and work out any bugs you might encounter (having others play it can be super helpful too)

There are probably other ways to do it, but this is just what's easiest for me!

So...I hope that helps Anon!! If not, my DMs are open if you need any assistance!

[springtrappd]

not trying to sound rude or aggressive or anything i swear, but what exactly Is it abt like. eclipse and ruin in general that you have critiques of? i'm still trying to figure out exactly what i think of it myself - it wasn't ANYTHING like what i was expecting, and to be perfectly honest i was also one of the Book Doubters(trademark pending) so that was a huge culture shock to me as well. idk i go in-between being really impressed and really liking it, to being salty that it wasn't what I think a good chunk of ppl including myself were expecting? looks like there's gonna be more down the line as far as this SB storyline goes so i'm curious and cautiously optimistic. i'm not totally sold on the mimic yet but thats probably bc I haven't been reading the tales books. guess i should start now lmao

i should make it clear that i actually haven't finished ruin yet, which is why i've been holding back on talking about it -- i'm up to bonnie bowl! so i'll refrain from commenting on that, except to say that the gameplay is a massive improvement from sb and only has more minor design flaws vs the base game's... fundamentally broken, lmao. they listened to criticism, refined their ideas and executed them with the resources available, and they did it well! i have mostly positive things to say on that front, which is nice. :)

eclipse is harder to talk about because... like, to give you an idea of how badly it effected me: it pissed me off so bad i started dissociating for the rest of the night, gave me stress stomach-aches when I refused to stop playing and then woke me up at 6am this morning nauseous and in pain. and that's not me being a wimp, that's me experiencing somatization, which is a real thing that i struggle with a lot, so hopefully you can understand why I'm not exactly keen to talk about this? especially when literally every time i even try to someone gets mad at me for breathing. please keep this in mind as i go on to say: eclipse is ableist as fuck and completely inexcusable.

as presented within ruin's visit to the daycare, the dca is left in a state of disrepair after the earthquake and subsequent abandonment left the pizzaplex to fend for itself. they're trapped between their two personalities, with both of them insisting that they are the one who knows what they should do; sun wants to be a good boy and do arts and crafts and whatever, and moon wants to send everyone to bed, blah blah you know the drill. as you complete the segment sun and moon regularly argue with each other, with sun holding the upset moon back from attacking cassie as she reactivates the generators, turning the lights on and stunning moon long enough for her to whack him with the faz-wrench, forcing a system reboot... and he's immediately reborn as eclipse, a lovely and kind figure with no memories of anything that happened who gently escorts you out and wishes you well. he's fixed now, you see! you did it! you got rid of his evil split personality, you've made him normal again, and without the aberration that is plurality he has not a cruel bone in his body!

the implications of this are incredibly fucking obvious and deeply deeply upsetting, and why i'm gonna point-blank say i'm not entertaining further discourse over whether this is reaaaally ableist or if they reaaaaally meant for them to read as a system or... nope, it's done, we're not fucking going there. it doesn't matter what they intended -- what they intended is pretty obvious, actually; they've decided to tackle a subject they're incredibly ill-equipped to handle, and the result is a character -- descended from the visual language and cultural canon of tales like split and psycho -- whose arc concludes with the reveal that it was being a system that made them violent. and the boss fight was dumb and bad and ignored all the previously-explained mechanics of this character to do this. it is aggressively stupid fanservice that turns what was once simply "poor taste walking the line of good faith" into "actual offensive caricature with zero room for doubt", and the only thing more despair-inducing than this twist is the community of people gleefully eating it up as their yummy angst fuel for their ultimate comfort character. and i shouldn't be surprised, considering it's coming from the "how dare you ask me to examine why i find it scary when the dca experiences altered identity states" crowd, but i am, unfortunately, an idealist doomed to be let down by normies. huzzah.

as for the mimic: I'm perfectly fine with afton getting laid to rest (he deserves it!), I'm not one of those guys, but in its current iteration (and from my understanding of it) it suffers immensely from having literally zero reason to be doing any of this shit and being yet another rejection of the supernatural in favour of sci-fi bullshit. because it's from the novels and the novels are allergic to ghosts. and having your entire story drip-fed in mediocre spin-off novels filled with blatant fetish content marketed to naive twelvies is so obviously bad storytelling that i don't even think i need to get into the piss-poor prose and legitimately cruel messages to explain why i hate that one

[aeriona]

Dkfmkeels I have a weird relationship with my writing, I gotta explain this in detail so I can understand myself better, long text post you’ve been warned

I loooove reading in general (both fiction and non-fiction) and the idea of writing appeals to me greatly! I’ve got so many stories all tangled up in my head and I so badly want to pull them all out and straighten them on a page, the the weird problem is that I really don’t enjoy the writing process?

It sounds fun in concept, especially with that Four Swords AU I’ve got, having that down as like a 40,000+ word fic on AO3 would be an absolute dream-come-true for me. And i’ve written little bits of that! Or at least i’ve tried haha

It’s just really difficult (and frustrating!) for me to take my thoughts and put them on a page in a way that makes sense for someone to read, also writing drafts makes me want to commit a hate crime because making a rough/preliminary version of literally anything feels like pulling teeth most of the time haha. I just want to write it in one go and have it be good, but i know that’s definitely not how writing works lmao

I’ve written like two pages of it, but merely thinking about the document itself makes me want to burn it because i hate it so much, and the weird thing is I genuinely have no idea why i hate it so much it’s just words lol. Maybe because the idea of having the weird niche stories within my head spilled onto a document just reminds me of how cringe I am?

There’s probably sites online or something (gotta to look into that), my interests mostly fall into science and art and no writing, but I’d absolutely love to get my story down for you guys to enjoy! It feels suffocating to have it all within my head and in a few vague artworks, i need it down in its entirety, if i even have that finalised yet lol.

to anyone who read all of that, you are really cool and I am fond of you for listening to my problems :) All this stuff isn’t that massive of a deal to me, but i’d like to contribute more to the four swords community than just art and I need to start somewhere lmao.

Okay rant over that’s all, thank you!

[shai-manahan]

Besides like for troubleshooting and making sure the game runs right and that ,have u ever like sat down opened up dashingdon and played HM (idk if that would be enjoyable for u since u know what would happen and all but who knows u might be suprised) if u have played it can u tell us bout yr MC ?? And how do u feel about NSFW questions??

Hi! I don't feel too comfortable answering nsfw asks, so apologies for that!

Playing HM, however... I'm not sure if it's also the case with other authors but I used to do that a lot lmao. It's a great way for me to see through the lens of a reader and properly assess if the game is interesting enough for my own tastes, and I enjoy the story, too (Idk if that's weird to say but oh well), at least until imposter syndrome hits. Sometimes I also end up noticing spots where I could add some choices or dialogue options, so I liked doing it.

Haven't done it since writing Chapter 2, though. I've been repeatedly reading the scenes I've written since last year before the Prologue + Chapter 1 rewrites, so I couldn't make myself read the demo this time around. Which is probably why you don't see as many choices in there (?), 'cause yeah, I never really got to properly check it out.

Now, for my MC.

I've honestly got several MCs reserved for different playthroughs of HM. There will be decisions in the future (plus a game mechanic too spoilery to explain) that will affect a lot of events within the story, and there's no way on earth that I won't be trying out every single one of those routes lol.

But if we're talking about a canon playthrough of mine, I'll probably choose my touch averse enby MC who's a complete mess. Alcoholic, self-blaming fool who still wants to prioritize the city and the public despite everything that had happened (and yeah there'll be some variations depending on your blame + motivation choice), uh... what else... my MC punched Bale (still conflicted between this and just walking away lmfao for so many reasons), lies to everyone around them, and has a very critical opinion of the police including themself all the while feeling guilty about exposing their own colleagues. Will never kill anyone but will also keep probing into everyone else's business---an action that will end up very badly for them but it is interesting so :)))). They have a Wits + Force combination of skills, and their mental health issue stats are like, over the roof (including stress, cynicism, another one I can't mention, and perhaps more.)

I think that's all I can share without this being a very long essay, so I'll stop there. I'm choosing these options for my MC mainly because I do know what's gonna happen, and there's always a way for them to recover from whatever it is they're feeling if they so choose, but I do hope everyone who'd be choosing them can detach themself from the MC's situation because the MC's thoughts can be... a lot to handle. There's a lot of ways you can customize the MC, though, and not just in appearance or preferences. The way you make decisions for them also shape who they are and the events that will unfold around them, so I do hope you all enjoy that and more!

Now that I've done that, why don't y'all share stuff about your MCs, too? 👀

[zalrb]

Top Boy anon. What did you think of the last season

They seemed like they wanted to wrap it up and be done with it.

The way they handle Dushane and Jaq storylines was sloppy. I know they were supposed to be unraveling and not thinking clearly but they just came off as being stupid.

Especially Dushane, I don’t buy him not being more suspicious after that woman practically said “what money”. He might of failed at stopping her but I feel like he would have kept an eye on her. Then forgetting to wipe down the front door after murdering someone. They could have went for a less obvious mistake.

I’ve always liked him too but this season I was just waiting for his ass killed or arrested. I’m glad Shelly left when she did.

I will say I liked Sully and Dushane last scene together. I can’t say I wasn’t invested in any of the dynamics because of the previous seasons but I checked out. I did like Stef and Erin though, they were cute.

There were aspects of this season that I liked but it definitely felt rushed despite the fact that the episodes also felt long because we weren't focusing really on what we should've been for the ending that we got.

Jaq is probably my favourite character and her stealing the drugs and doing nothing with it was absolutely ridiculous. If she's having a crisis about being a dealer then burn the drugs, if she's thinking about getting out then make off with it to sell wholesale, but this stealing the drugs, keeping it at her house, expecting no one to find it was so ridiculous I couldn't comprehend the point.

I also thought we needed more time with her reconciling the fact that she's a drug dealer because I got it in theory; Lauryn had a baby and now she's looking at her clients differently because she understands what it is to have a baby in your life, then Lauryn OD's and it hits different when it's someone you love but it really just came across as omg I sell DRUGS and drugs have consequences?? as opposed to her taking a hard look at her life.

I also thought Lauryn's addiction happened way too quickly. I obviously understand why she would turn to drugs after what she went through but because we don't spend enough time with her descent, we don't really know how long she's been doing it, we don't really see her struggle with it, it kind of just happens, I was just kind of like well ... OK?

Dushane's unravelling, I needed more time to understand his erratic behaviour because even before the final couple of episodes I was like, Dushane is being uncharacteristically dickish. Not that he was nice before but he wasn't always on edge. Like I know he's made some moves in the past that were shady particularly when he puts Jamie in jail but that was all calculated for him to get the best possible result, so granted, I didn't rewatch the previous season before watching this one but I was like, this unnecessary aggression Dushane is moving with is odd. It almost made me forget how much I hate Sully.

Sully was consistently Sully.

Honestly, every time I saw Shelley I was like where is your kid? Lmao. And she was right to leave Dushane but she did annoy me during his confrontation when she just kept repeating "It isn't about the money, it isn't about the money!" without explaining herself and when she did explain herself, I thought she explained it badly? Because saying one day you're in a good mood and the next day you have blood on your hands, Dushane was right in saying yo man you said you were ride or die, what it really should've been is one day you're in a good mood, the next you're yelling at me, shutting me out, I'm afraid you're going to get physical with me, you're too unpredictable because THAT'S the issue.

The ending had me like they probably wanted to do a Departed like thing but I really just wanted Stef to pull the trigger. I get the whole don't want to perpetuate the cycle of violence but I just wanted vengeance for Jamie. I personally think the Irish killed Sully.

Stef and Erin were adorable.