#SORRY that this was so long. Autism Brain oops

[butterscotch-brigade]

thinking about your post urging people to reading various genres and content and to challenge their reading skills... and i agree with you so much i definitely think it can strengthen one's reading comprehension and broaden prospective. like even if the quality isn't good or the genre isn't your thing, it can be a fun experience to read something outside of what you're used to. your post just makes me think how nice it can be to just read and gain anything, whether that's maybe knowledge or new queries, out of something new.

also i have to ask do you have any book recommendations? :)

YOU!!!! YOU GET IT!!!!!! one of the many values of reading is what you GAIN from books, and how you can apply that to ur life - whether its philosophical/existential questions or entertaining moments or parts that made you emotional in some way. even if you didnt like a book, walking out of it with the feeling that youve gained/felt something new or intriguing is its own reward.

and as for recommendations.....i have to say my favorite genre is definitely murder mystery, and my favorite author is agatha christie!!! the queen of plot twists imo. her books can be offputting to some bc a lot of the time her books dont always open up with the murder itself; many chapters are dedicated to the events LEADING UP to the murder in order to provide context and drop hints. not all of her books do this, but i can see why some people might become impatient when reading some of her work. that being said, my favorite book of hers had got to be the murder of roger ackroyd, but i also love the abc murders and hercule poirot's christmas.

as far as standalone books go, one book ive been devouring recently is i'm glad my mom died by jennette mccurdy, an autobiography about a former child actress who faced considerable abuse both in her home life and on set for some of her most famous works, most notably "icarly" and "sam and cat." its a hard read that contains descriptions of abuse, eating disorders, trauma, and child exploitation (sometimes sexual). ultimately, though, it becomes a book about healing as she describes life before and after the death of her abusive mother. mccurdy's writing style is so creative and snarky and clever, with some dark humor thrown in. not for those sensitive to the discussed themes, but definitely an engaging read.

i would also like to recommend a book that ive recommended to other people in my life before: penpal by dathan auerbach. this is a horror novel with themes of stalking, death (both humans and animals), and kidnapping. it originally started as a series of short stories online before being published as a full book. i dont want to talk too much about it bc i dont want to spoil anything, but its one of the most suspenseful and chilling stories ive ever read. highly recommend going into it blind bc it hits so much harder when u dont know whats coming.

finally, and this is a VERY different and more unconventional choice, i strongly recommend reading calvin and hobbes. it was a newspaper comic strip that ran from 1985-1995, and it was what inspired me to start drawing and writing stories in the first place. there are several books and collections containing various comics from the strip's run, and theyre all fantastic. they will make you laugh, cry, and think. i know what youre thinking: "how can a newspaper comic be so good?" but trust me, TRUST ME, its one of the most inspirational works of art i have ever come across. without calvin and hobbes i likely wouldnt be where i am today, it literally changed my life. please read calvin and hobbes i am BEGGING you.

theres a LOT of books i love but i am currently living in an apartment farther away from my hometown, where i have a bunch more on my bookshelf. so sorry if these recommendations arent extensive enough i dont have access to my actual Book Supply akskdkdkd

thank u for letting me talk abt books!!!!! have a wonderful day/night/etc and always remember to keep reading :)

[wulvert]

OK SO. HERES A BRIEF (HI. FUTURE ME. NOT BRIEF. VERY LONG. SORRY.) SUMMARY OF THE LOCKED TOMB SERIES AVOIDING AS MUCH SPOILERS AS POSSIBLE.

the locked tomb's setting is extremely fucked up space sci-fi with lesbian necromancers (the quote on the front of gideon the ninth, the first book, is quite literally "lesbian necromancers in space!")- tamsyn muir, the author, was inspired by homestuck when she was writing it. so. if that explains it better.

i cnat explain the magic necromancer system without feeling like im having a stroke sorry. but the way it works is you basically have to be born with the ability to see and manipulate thalergy (life energy) and thanergy (death energy). necromancy on all the planets is basically like a monarchy- if youre a necromancer, you're royalty. all necromancers have a cavalier- which is basically a brawn to the necromancer's brains. they all have swords or other sharp blades. also have a much more sinister purpose but thats a secret.

the orange girl is gideon nav, nicknamed griddle by the smaller one (harrowhark nonagesimus). gideon's a butch himbo who also happens to be the saddest girl in the entire universe by book 3. she wields a giant fuckin' haunted greatsword and absolutely hates harrow(hark nonagesimus)'s guts. also shes stuck on an amish, dying planet (the ninth house, might be pluto) and has been raised to be a soldier. oops. her adoptive mom is awesome though. has no idea whats going on at any point in time. harrow's cavalier.

HARROW. THE WETTEST MOST PATHETIC RAT OF A GIRL. into bones and corpses. necromancer of the ninth house. cant eat any food that isnt bland ration bars because of the autism shes filled with. mean fucking gremlin. bit my ass. also shes intrinsically so fucking tragic but i cant go into any more detail of her without spoiling something. she makes me feel so many emotions along with gideon.

brief summary of the rest of the cast that appears in the first book:

FIRST HOUSE (earth?):

there exists no notable residents of the first house. it is the earth post apocalypse- broken down and uninhabitable. except for the location the first book takes place in, the canaan house!

SECOND HOUSE (mars?):

judith deuteros - necromancer. army kid. because the entire second house is a military (called the cohort). honestly i dont remember a lot about her- only that she's kinda gay with coronabeth later.

marta dyas - cavalier. army kid. i remember even less about her sorry

THIRD HOUSE (neptune?):

ianthe tridentarius - necromancer. nasty fucking beast. cannibal just for fun. third house princess. complete fucking disaster. somethings going on with her gender. believes shes the main character of a risqué novel. shes my favorite but i cant elaborate further at risk of spoilers

coronabeth tridentarius - necromancer. ianthe's sister. sword lesbian. third house princess. a disaster but less so than ianthe. yea thats it sorry its so hard to summarize without spoilers

naberius tern - coronabeth and ianthe's cavalier. third house. male, meatstick, gender gets stolen

FOURTH HOUSE (saturn?):

isaac tettares - necromancer. he's just a kid and life is a nightmare

jeannemary chatur - cavalier. she's just a kid and life is a nightmare

FIFTH HOUSE (jupiter?):

abigail pent - necromancer. historian. academic. in terms of characters that are. "normal" she and magnus are the closest you can really get. i respect her so much but alas i cannot give the reasons. acts kinda as a mother figure to the fourth and even the ninth house (gideon and harrow are both 18 at the least- but neither of them have ever quite had mother OR father figures.)

magnus quinn - cavalier. abigail's husband. i dont remember anything about him honestly, but he's the epitome of a dad and behaves that way towards the fourth and even ninth house. dad jokes

SIXTH HOUSE (mercury?):

palamedes sextus - necromancer. if the entirety of the main tlt cast wasnt full of deranged lesbians he'd do numbers as a tumblr sexyman. librarian. nicknamed sex pal by gideon. reads a lot. also a doctor.

camilla hect - cavalier. sick as hell. dualwields. librarian. doctor. i cant give a lot of information about her but shes also one of my favorites

SEVENTH HOUSE (venus?):

dulcinea septimus - necromancer. cougar? milf? who knows. has terminal blood-born cancer but she's being so sexy about it. dont worry about the boss music you hear.

protesilaus ebdoma - cavalier. rly a kind guy- likes poetry nd flowers. just wants to protect.

EIGHTH HOUSE (uranus?):

silas octakiseron - necromancer. extremely religious. i dont remember anything about him honestly besides the fact i hate him.

colum asht - cavalier. probabl also religious. i dont remember anything about him either. i respect him more than i do silas.

NINTH HOUSE (pluto?):

harrowhark nonagesimus & gideon nav: u know about these guys

the most important thing to know about the locked tomb past my very long rambling is that its a story about love. it has been and always will be about love since the very first book. it is the core component of the entire series- in what way love changes, in the way it persists, in what people will do for it. the different types of love. this does not just refer to gideon and harrow being massive lesbians, but yea thats pretty important too.

also a fair warning if u DO chooseto read; the entire of the locked tomb series is an absolute mindfuck. absolutely nothing will make sense at first and sometimes reading more will make it even more confusing. when it all finally clicks at the end though u'll never be the same ever again. it WILL leave a lasting scar on ur psyche

(homestuck spoilers. i guess)

i see u gave up on the replies fair enough this is more than 450 characters

i bought the first book before hopping in the shower, It'll arrive tuesday. i have returned 2 this ask- A LOT OF NAMES, so anything i could absorb as a spoiler has left my mind immediately- HOMESTUCK. Interesting, I didn't know that, i hope i can absorb the lore better than i did for homestuck which wasnt at all , then i got a headache from the text colours then lost my place after the cat girl died.

I will read it, I hope the orange girl and the smaller one are okay after reading this im worried about them. how did naberius' gender get stolen what happened to them who stole it. fiddlemouth just commented abt the audiobook. probably shouldve gone for that. also fiddlemouth if ur reading this we need to play minecraft again sometime

[lululawrence]

How about 24, 14 and 30?

hiiii sorry i didn't answer earlier, i fell asleep before i got it haha but i can answer now before i finally make my fic list for the month... like three days late oops so ANYWAY thank you for sending these in!!

how was your day today?

i'm answering for today instead of yesterday hahaha today was pretty good! more chill than i originally expected because of a last minute change in plans, so it was nice. the toddler was his usual terror self and i didn't get my sunday afternoon nap that is basically a requirement, but that's alright cause overall it wasn't a bad day haha

any cleaning or organizing life hacks?

oof listen this one has had me thinking. all my cleaning and organizing life hacks are more like adhd and autism life hacks lmaoooo so i'm not so sure they would be helpful for like anyone other than ME. ummm i guess my big one is make your planner a happy place for you to be because you'll have more incentive to use it that way lol mine is covered in stickers that are mostly fan art or lyrics or things that make me happy like flowers or quotes that remind me i'm not a failure hahahahah and it's lots of bright colors so when i open it up to the upcoming week and see all five million appointments and things i have to do even though i'm on year four of total burnout at this point, i don't have a panic attack. the bright colors and flowers and our boys rewire my brain to focus on that instead so my emotions are kept a lot more even and i can then still be productive in looking at the schedule which is super helpful for me haha for cleaning, the two biggest things that have helped me is one: it doesn't have to be done perfectly every time, so just do the best you can and at least it's that much better than it was before. and two: break up the big bads in your life so you don't have to do it all at once. for example, i HATE the bathroom. not because i find it super disgusting or whatever, but because it usually takes more effort for me to scrub the tub or the sink and honestly when i was younger i didn't ever know if i was cleaning them correctly or not. i was essentially guessing and was always too embarrassed to ask for help because the few times i did try to do that, i didn't actually get answers that helped me at all. the answers were kind of lackadaisical and general and would probably make sense to a neurotypical, but to my undiagnosed AuDHD brain, i was LOST man. and like, i'm 38 now, i've finally figured that shit out at least for myself, but even though it's a lot easier now and i know what to do, it still has a lot of negative feelings associated so my executive dysfunction basically says, "yeah nope" when it's time to do it and fucks off hahaha SO what i do is i have different tasks in the bathroom on different days. for example, tuesday is toilet day. dunno why, it just works well having toilets on tuesdays. wednesday is sinks, thursday is mirrors, and friday is the tub. saturday is for if i missed any of those days, then i catch up. or it's april and i just don't clean the bathroom. months like that happen, and we still survive. lol which is actually tip three. you'll still survive even if your plans don't work, so pick yourself up and try again. maybe it'll stick this time!

how do you feel about this weekend?

as in the weekend we just had or the weekend coming up? lollllll the weekend we just had? overall it was an alright one. it was longer than i feel like they usually feel for a lot of reasons, and it was weird because there was a lot of stuff that just wasn't really quite at the usual for us, but yeah not bad! haha kinda glad it's over while also not all that excited about the upcoming week, if that makes sense haha but that's also kinda my life right now so oh well lol

that got long i'm so sorry hahaha hope you at least kind of enjoyed the answers? lol thank you for asking!!!

if you want the link to the post these came from, it's here!

[iconsumeheadcanons]

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

P5

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

P4

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

P3

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

[fukozawa]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2019!!

(I’m a bit behind oops lol)

Day 1 - introduce yourself

👁 My name is Katherina but most people besides family call me Kat. Im 22 years old, a cis lesbian, mixed race, autistic, brujita (lil witch) born in San Diego CA but grew up between there and Tijuana, Mexico where my moms side of the family lives (the side that matters). Im also very short at 5 ft tall and have green hair! Currently living in Seattle WA, have lived here 3 or 4 years with my best friend who i met online. Have grown SO MUCH while living in seattle it’s unbelievable to think I’m only 22 and still have so much learning and experiencing to do. Recently landed an amazing job at the zoo as a facepainter!! I’m also a portrait artist and you can follow my art on instagram @ plaidalien !

👁 Growing up ive always been fairly odd. My mom loooves telling stories about me as a kid and how i would always freak her out with how much i knew/was capable of. I think she always expected me to be different from other kids because of how traumatic my birth was (my heart stopped beating for a minute when i was born but the dr was able to revive me, and i spent a week in the ICU with a bunch of tubes in my head). She says i would freak my white family out and they thought i couldnt talk because i legit never spoke around them but my mom understood i was perfectly capable of speaking and told them straight up that its not that i couldnt talk, its just i didn’t want to talk to them. She always understood me like no one else and was the best autism mom i couldve asked for. Shes always been my biggest advocate and would push her own comfort zones if it meant i was comfortable and happy and not having meltdowns lol.

👁 I’m self diagnosed but i plan to seek out a prof dx whenever I’m more financially stable and get past the anxiety that is trying to figure out how to get that done in general. I don’t think ill ever feel comfortable telling ppl I’m autistic without a prof dx since I’m “high functioning” and am extremely talented at masking my autistic traits to the point where a lot of it is unconscious (tho I’m teaching myself to not mask as much cuz i want to be able to be who i am and not give a single fuck if people think im weird)

👁 I consider myself an old soul for sure. Just yesterday my mom called me just to genuinely thank me for how much ive taught her and how much ive helped her become a better person, it honestly made me cry a little lol. Ive always been that person that shakes peoples mental paradigms if they come into my life, i love to get people out of their comfort zones. And by comfort zone i mean a mental one, one where youre used to believing and seeing the world in a certain perspective, well my passion lies in expanding the ways in which one perceives this reality into knowing how truly limitless and powerful we are as humans.

👁 I realized i was a lesbian and autistic around the same time as each other about 2 years ago and that was a MAJOR identity adjustment which I’m just barely starting to fully embrace them. Having to deal with internalized lesbophobia as well as internalized ableism at the same time is not fun. But the comfort of finally knowing what the fuck is up with my brain and my sexual orientation and seeing how those two important aspects have always been there and can explain why i am the way i am, feels really good. Feels amazing to know I’m not alone in my experiences either and theres a community i can be a part of who will accept me for my differences.

👁 Sorry this is super long but i never know whats a good cut off point when it comes to introducing myself. I guess thats also why i waited this long to make the day 1 post lol. How do people just limit themselves to only writing a few sentences about themselves is beyond me i think thats just physically impossible for me to accomplish. Wait till i try to write my own artist statement thats gonna be a true challenge. If you got this far thanks for reading!!

[intj-confessions]

1/ Okay so my younger brother got diagnosed with autism when he was 2 and I was 7 years old and everything was great. But over the years more and more things that I would consider rational and relatable behaviour in my brother, others would consider very obvious autistic traits. And then I came across some studies saying that siblings of autistic people tend to have autistic traits and I was like "this makes a lot of sense" and didn't think much of it.

2/ Recently, I have come to the conclusion that my older also undiagnosed brother definitely has autism. He 100% agrees even if he doesn’t like saying he does because he spent years conditioning himself out of as many traits as possible in order to fit it. In the last week, upon much reflection, I’ve come to further realise that as a girl who was brought up with very strict gender roles and obviously will not present with the same behaviour as my other two brothers.

3/ Especially when it terms of socialising because the only reason why the idea that I was autistic was never even in the realm of possibility is that I am a goddamn psychologist. My job relies on my being good at picking up social nuance and without tooting my own horn I like to think, and have been reliably informed, that I’m pretty good at it. Except as a psychologist, I know that that’s not necessarily how autism works. So now I’m at a loss. I don’t want to try to get a diagnosis.

4/ I don’t think I need formal services or supports or stuff like that. More importantly, I don’t want to see myself or have others see me through an autism lens. I want my quirks to be quirks unique to me and not another yes on a diagnostic checklist. Apart from my older brother, no one has ever brought up the fact that I (we) may be on the spectrum as well and I want to keep it that way. I’m a lot of things that aren’t typical especially where I’m living.

5/ It’s already difficult moving through the world; I don’t want to add to that. But I also desperately want to be told that I’m right because it would explain so much of my life and maybe a diagnosis would enhance the way I see my life and not diminish it. But also how does an adult go about getting a neurodevelopmental disorder diagnosis? Talking to my parents about this isn’t really a possibility, if it was I wouldn’t be here. (Sorry about the length, didn’t think it would be this long).

6/ Now just realised that maybe your INTJ blog wasn’t the best place to send these asks? Maybe your mommy problems blog??? I’ve just followed you for a long time and I felt that you were the best person who’s not in my personal life to ask at 03:00 in the morning. Ooooh I regret everything about this now. 

Just an FYI, you can always PM me off anonymous. If you don’t want a public response you can just say so, and I’ll respond privately. Bypasses the “oops wrong blog” thing. But seriously, don’t worry about it.

There are a couple of quizzes available online, though I don’t know if you believe in those. Many people find them helpful, and people with a formal diagnosis do score high on these things. 

Personally, I don’t find validation a good enough reason to seek a professional diagnosis. It’s really expensive, and it can be potentially harmful in stuff like custody/CPS cases to have that kind of thing on file. You could always try having another psychologist buddy give you an informal diagnosis, but I don’t know if they’d be willing to do that, and they’d need to be familiar with all the traits of an adult female autistic, which most people are not.

As one therapist told me, even if you don’t have enough traits to qualify as autistic yourself, they’re still there and they’re still valid. They don’t cease to exist because you lack a diagnosis, or because you don’t have enough. It was really important for me to hear, and I hope you take it to heart as well.

It definitely runs in families. I can’t tell you how stupid I feel as someone who breeds animals, and totally understands that personality traits are heritable, yet I totally dismissed a lot of my own quirks as environmental. A lot of this was due to not having the names for things like Sensory Processing Disorder or Social Anxiety, but I totally expected NT kids despite my husband and I having weird-ass brains. I mean:

Him: ADHD, Anxiety, Depression

Me: Autism (probably), Anxiety, SPD

Kid 1: Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder, Anxiety, Depression, ADHD (possible, we will find out once we start medicating the rest)

Kid 2: Autism, SPD

Kid 3: Quirky with a speech delay. School says autism and the psychologist says no. So we’ll see.

Going further up the family tree, my sister is bipolar, as was my grandmother. My husband’s mom has anxiety, and some other shit (her mom was also whacky). My cousin’s kid appears to have SPD. Several family members have told me they think my other grandma might have had ADHD. So yeah, there is ND all over the family tree. It pisses me off so much when people go on about the autism “epidemic,” because all you have to do is look back through history and it’s everywhere. There are autism spikes in areas where certain industries are prevalent (like tech), because when a couple engineers with autistic traits marry, they will have autistic kids.

Here are some links for you.

Autism Spectrum Quotient.

Aspie Quiz

Tony Attwood - Aspergers in Girls (video, I have not seen but it’s supposed to be pretty accurate)

Whether or not you seek a diagnosis is up to you, but if you don’t, like a lot of us you’re going to be torn on the issue for a while. Remember that you know your brain best. You’ve just got to make peace with yourself. A diagnosis does not change who you are.