#SPLIT DECISION

[mtg-cards-hourly]

Split Decision

Artist: Robbie Trevino TCG Player Link Scryfall Link EDHREC Link

[kevinarsenault]

"He's been blowing his stack at the drop of a hat"

[creationfromnothingness]

Rolf Ohst: Split Decision, 2015

[i-used-to-be-a-spy]

There's always a way in. You just have to know your target

-Michael Westen s6e5 Split Decision

[macciusx]

[missafricanbutter]

on repeat.

[thehitchhikerguide]

Season 1, Episode 3: Split Decision

Finally we get to an episode I remember watching back in the day. Even though I knew what was going to happen in this one, I was still very excited to re-visit it as I remember it being kind of bizarre.

We start with the opening theme music and then, wait what's this?

Who is this guy? We've spent all our time establishing a relationship with Page and then we see someone else?

Oh so he does exist! I guess this was one they couldn't re-shoot with the new Hitchhiker so they kept it as is. I knew I had seen a version with him in it, so it must have been this episode.

They actually used to play this one quite a bit in syndication despite the fact that it's a totally different guy. I honestly don't know why they bothered to re-shoot the other ones when they couldn't do this for all of them, but whatever. I was curious if somehow the Hitchhiker ends up more integrated with the plot.

This episode actually takes a different approach and instead of starting with the main character driving, we see him in his office. This is Jake, a down-on-his-luck real estate agent who has some interesting vintage phones on his desk.

I guess instead of having a phone with multiple lines, he just has two different phone lines? At first he doesn't seem like your average Hitchhiker protagonist since he's pretty dorky and you can't really imagine any sexy situations with this guy, but this is HBO after all.

I'm not sure he's actually talking to anyone on these phones since he happens to accidentally hang up the phone with the other receiver, yet the caller is supposedly still on the line.

How is that possible?

Anyways, it's time for driving so we can figure out how the Hitchhiker fits into this plot. Wacky music starts playing when we see this character's crappy car. I guess this is to establish that he is indeed very desperate and bad at his job. Hearing this music I expected a bunch of clowns to start coming out of it. But instead it looks like the car is about to burst into flames.

He meets the Hitchhiker while Jake is lost in some suburban neighborhood. He approaches him to ask him if he knows the road of the house he's trying to visit and he just points.

I guess this was why they couldn't re-shoot this because the editing would probably look pretty bad. My main question with this scene is, is this guy hitchhiking in some residential neighborhood? Isn't that a bit creepy?

The Hitchhiker seems to know him after he drives away since he tells the camera that Jake seems to think he's charming sort of a guy. Wow this hitchhiker sounds really Canadian and much friendlier than the one we are used to. I definitely prefer the creepy vibe that Page gives off more, but this was interesting. Anyways, charm can sometimes fool the charmer, or so the Hitchhiker says.

Jake drives up to the house he's been asked to sell. This guy really doesn't look like a Jake, more like a Herman or a Norman or some gross dorky name. We meet sisters Frances and Priscilla Packard played by real life actress sisters Audrey and Judy Landers. Now here are some actresses that look familiar. I know Audrey from singing that Tits and Ass song in the A Chorus Line movie. Judy Landers was in that Stewardess School movie which I caught 10 minutes of on Comedy Central back in the 1990s. Audrey actually went to Julliard and somehow she is still in this show. Both had made a number of television appearances in the 1980s so they are very familiar character actresses. Both are very good in this episode playing dumb sexy blondes which is basically their M.O.

They also like to dress as magician assistants around the house. This is because their father who left them this house was a famous magician.

Jake was very subtle when meeting these bodacious babes.

Get a good look Constanza?

He also says to one of them "You should have a sign that says 'beware of bush!'" Considering what happens to this guy in this episode, I think he should maybe take his own advice.

He also comments on how he likes the mounds in the garden. Real smooth.

There is some wackiness where he thinks both sisters are actually the same person until they appear together.

Of course being a classy guy he says "Stereo blondes! This is going to be delightful." I guess due to the unfreezing process he seems to have no inner monologue.

As he moves through the house we see a lot of cutlery imagery. One uses a chain saw, he runs into a hand saw, there is a random guillotine in the living room. Very curious.

There is also a bear in the closet. Oh Canada!

After the house tour, we learn that the sisters have trouble sharing. They had a doll someone gave them once and they had to split it down the middle so they didn't have to share it.

You can see here this doll is perfectly in tact with not even a seam down it, but somehow...

Jake is back in business as he gets to show his two new clients each a new home they can buy after they sell the home they are in.

This lady seems to be the only person to realize how disgusting this guy is.

The first sister gets shown a nice modest house. She gets horny when she finds out it has a fireplace and immediately strips and seduces Jake. Good Lord.

The second sister is shown a condo complete with creepy mannequins. He turns on the fireplace and we find out that fireplaces turn this sister on too.

There is a weird jump cut with this scene. My guess was the actress was too disgusted having to pretend to have sex with this guy and they had to cut out a facial expression.

At some point he does say the line "Let's slide into escrow together." Yuk.

I have to say the score on this episode with the wacky music is really distracting. Jake goes back to the house sometime later because he finds out the girls are not going to sell the house. Both sisters are just hanging out in their underwear.

Oh and one of them is making a sandwich. I'm sure this is doing it for someone right now.

They let Jake know that they both like him and they can't share him so they are not going to sell the house. He does seem more concerned with the fact they won't sell than the fact that these sisters are both after him. They both want him for some reason so his solution is that both of them can have him. They decide to take a photo to commemorate this moment.

There seems to be something happening behind him. Watch the birdie!

Wow that's a perfectly sliced sandwich! Ta-dah!

This scene has weird blocking, I couldn't tell how they got to this spot. And why is there no blood?

We end with the sisters walking through their garden talking about what new things they were going to plant in their mounds. The Hitchhiker has a voiceover, but we see his reflection in the door meaning he has been creeping around this neighborhood the whole time. He informs us that Jake would do anything for a sale and now he's a permanent fixture in the house.

Wait a minute...mounds in the garden? Are all those mounds other bodies of people they have done this to? Who is supposed to be the villain here?

I did like this episode. It was still crazy even without any supernatural elements. And it's nice to see that Nicholas Campbell wasn't completely erased from existence.

This is the last of the first season that was shot with the first Hitchhiker. The next one is the start of season 2 where I think they have finally figured out how the Hitchhiker fits into the series. I can't wait to find out what happens next.

[misspetsyourcats]

ok i have some free time help me

[secretagentsagainstwhatever]

‘have to send her ‘ therapy

she got a e cup bra, a lot on her chest’

[inyourfacex]

Dave x Central Cee - UK Rap / Spilt Decision

[mtg-cards-hourly]

Split Decision

Artist: Robbie Trevino TCG Player Link Scryfall Link EDHREC Link

[blkenbyinparis]

They're available on Kindle Unlimited. I AM SO EXCITED

[girlcreature]

i <3 split decision

[eldtritchfae]

I love how only a year ago I was thinking of all the degrees to get to try and build my self worth and understanding that I would be sacrificing my mental state but December hit and boom...

I'm going to Jimmy Choo Fashion Academy on pure chance, luck and split decision when writing my UCAS.

[internetthug]