#Samarin says

[fantasypreferred]

Tonight has been a rough night. A couple of episodes and painful lingering after-effects have left me exhausted but unable to find rest. Days like this make me want to curl up in my sheets and cease to exist.

But life doesn't work like that. The baby doesn't stop needing her mum. The pets don't stop needing food and love. And so, I persevere.

[gofigureelectra]

Not that I was watching or paying attention to any Russian skating this year (despite the love I might have for some of my faves), but HOLY SHIT y’all apparently we missed some shit.

1. Evgeni Semenenko - 295.07 (won the tie break by winning the Free Skate)

2. Petr Gumenik - 295.07 (his face and the complete and utter disbelief is such a mood tho. I will say, I was really hoping he would pull an upset and win. Not that winning the short would make it an upset, but because he is NEVER considered at the top of anyone’s radar in Russia usually)

3. Alexander Samarin - 282.40

The last thing I will say about this, is not having watched a single full program from either the short or the free skate of this competition… these scores are absolutely fucking ridiculous.

I know Russian internal competitions, and ESPECIALLY nationals always have some bonkers ass scoring, but to not only have the top 10 men all finish with scores above 90 in the short, and to have both Petr and Evgeni score so close to 300 in total…. That is some riggory and VERY gratuitous use of the scoring system if I’ve ever seen it, EVEN if they had skated 4 clean programs between the two of them.

[hattrickeryreviews]

Empty Net (Scoring Chances #4) - Avon Gale

"Spartanburg Spitfires’ goalie and captain Isaac Drake ended last season with an unexpected trip to the playoffs. He’s found a home and family with his coach and mentor, Misha Samarin, and he’s looking forward to making a serious run for the Kelly Cup. But things take an interesting turn when Isaac’s archnemesis, Laurent St. Savoy, is traded to the Spitfires. After Laurent’s despicable behavior in the playoffs last year, Isaac wants nothing to do with him – no matter how gorgeous he is. But that changes when Isaac discovers the reason for Laurent’s attitude.

Laurent St. Savoy grew up the only son of a legendary NHL goalie in a household rife with abuse, constantly treated like a disappointment on and off the ice. When a desperate attempt to escape his father’s tyranny sends him to the Spitfires, the last thing Laurent wants is to make friends. But there’s something about Isaac Drake that he can’t resist, and Laurent has an opportunity to explore his sexuality for the first time, but he’s cracking under end-of-the season pressures. When facing the playoffs and a rivalry turned personal vendetta, Isaac’s not sure he’s enough to hold Laurent—or their relationship—together.

Please be advised: This book does contain some non-graphic references to past childhood physical/emotional abuse as well as issues relating to ED (bulimia and restricted eating, disordered thoughts about eating)."

Did I reread it? Yes

POV: 3rd person limited, alternating between Isaac Drake and Laurent St. Savoy

Tropes: Abuse, Enemies-to-Lovers, Healing, Hurt/Comfort

My thoughts:

Characters/Character Development: 4/5

Isaac: Isaac has attitude problems, a dark past, and blue hair. He mostly enjoys talking with his fists, but he’s trying to learn how to think first. His arc is focused on internal growth but is also highly centered on helping Saint.

Laurent (Saint): Saint is freshly removed from under his father’s thumb, but years of abuse have made him volatile and highly anxious. He feels like he doesn’t deserve anything good and sets out on a mission of self-sabotage whenever things get too good. His arc is focused on healing.

There’s a lot of tragedy with these characters, and I spent a lot of the book feeling bad for both of them.  They’re both well thought out, with qualities that make sense with their base characterizations. They both go through a lot of development and healing throughout the plot, and I really like how their mental health issues are handled. I do think it move a little quickly, and I think a lot of the issues that we see the characters have are solved much faster than they would be in real life.

Believability (Hockey): 5/5

Just as the previous books in the series did, this book follows the ECHL, with accurate depictions of what that means for the characters. The team names themselves are fake, but the structure of the games and league is very real. The trades mentioned in the book are realistic, along with the trajectory of the games themselves considering the improvements made from the start of last book.

Believability (Plot): 3/5

There’s a whole lot of realistic elements to this book that were made slightly unrealistic by the timeline. Again, we are dealing with a 200-page book taking place across a single season of hockey. There were a lot of things that needed to happen with not much time to do so. I would say there’s a lot of things that took place which, in real life, would probably take many years to occur, or at least more months than they were allotted. I believed everything that happened; I didn’t believe how fast it all happened.

Uniqueness: 4/5

There are not many things that happen in this book that I’ve seen in other hockey books. You’re looking at a story of tragic abuse and how that impacts interpersonal relations and the hockey game itself. When you’re looking at typical plotlines for hockey stories, it definitely isn’t something I have seen before.

Trope Integration: 4.5/5

This book leans heavily on its tropes, but in a good way. There’s a lot of underlying reasons for just about everything that happens in this story, and the plot stays true to those elements. I would have liked to see a couple other tropes, just to help cut through how dark this book leans, but it does well with what it has.

Series Integration: 5/5

I’d say this was a perfect transition from the previous book. We already know Isaac very well before the start of the book, and we were already introduced to the animosity between him and Saint. We see characters from the last book remain highly relevant to this one, leading to a really nice reading experience.

General enjoyment: 4/5

This is an excellent book; it is also incredibly serious, especially compared to some of the other books in this series. I truly enjoyed reading it, but it is also a dark plot with many elements that you can’t really call “enjoyable”. Still, very well written and highly compelling.

Overall Score: 29.5/35 or 4.2/5

[isausmanmohd]

LISSAFIN SU NE YA SABA LAMBA, SHI YASA SUKE FAKEWA DA 'KIN BIDI'A' WAJEN MUZANTA TARON MAULUDI. Yaya bazasu firgita ba...? Yaya bazasu shiga damuwa ba...? Yaya bazasu dimauta suyi kururuwa ba...? Shekaru 46 da kafuwarsu da nufin ganin bayan tafarkin da muke (Darika) sunyi iya yinsu, cikin zubin dabaru, hikin-kimu da kuma kage da sharri, hakanan samarin masu da'awarsu furfura da tsufa ke riskarsu, har su mace amma burinsu bai cika ba. Tsammaninsu kasa da 'yan watanni ko shekaru zasu kawo karshen matafiyarmu, mu zamo tarihi. Sunyi iya kokarinsu wajen gina Masallatai a duk inda yake fuskar gari cikin duk wani babban gari, domin shammatar tunanin baki, da shugabanni akan su daukesu masu galaba da rinjaye tsakanin Musulmi. Dole taron Mauludi ya dinga hassala su yana dimautasu, domin wannan taro shine yake nuna musu gazawarsu, rauninsu da kuma rashin tasirinsu, da kuma tabbatar musu da cewa har zuwa tashin kiyama babu su babu yin galaba akan 'yan dariku da yardar ALLAH, domin shine taro guda da 'yan Dariku ke fitowa kwansu da kwarkwatansu Duniya ta gansu. A jiya kadai, cikin kowanne gari dake cikin biranen Nigeria, anyi taruka da basu gaza wannan na Mauludin gidan MAULAN SHEIKH ba, da milyoyin al'umma ke halarta, ayayin da idan aka fito yawon Riyada sai ka dauka tamkar Duniyace baki dayanta ta taru a waje guda, sai ka nemi inda su suke a gari ka rasa, to dan ALLAH tayaya bazakuke hassalasu ba...? Da ace saboda kyamatar Bidi'ace kadai, to da iya hujjojin da ake basu sun isa yasa su sarara haka, da abinda babban Jagoransu Ibnu Taimiyah ya fadi ya isa yasa su hakura, amma sabuntuwar farmakinsu kowacce shekara na nuna irin yadda zukatansu ke shiga hali na dimauta da damuwane sakamakon yadda shekaru sama da 46 hakarsu ta gaza cimma ruwa, kullum 'Yan Dariku karuwa suke da dubbai ba raguwa ba. ( Muhammad Usman Gashua ✍️) ALLAH YA KARA MANA KAUNA DA SOYAYYAR MANZON ALLAH (S.A.W), YA TABBATAR DAMU AKAN TAFARKIN HIDIMA GARESHI. ALHAMDULILLAH. https://www.instagram.com/p/Cje60cIIJ8Q/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[raininyourblackeyes]

hi! pls help I feel like I’m being gaslit by fstwi so I would like to know your opinion. was gpf origin bad components wise? like I know it wasnt yuzuru’s best and was definitely below his standards but was it actually bad? compared to the rest of the field?

Hello! First of all sorry for the inevitable typos, I'm on my phone and I have a bad cough so I tend to miss the keys.

Now, I think that no one could possibly skate a 5 quad program with same PCS quality as they would the same program with 3-4 quads. It has different layout that would demand a redistribution of energy throught the program and that directly affects the PCS. They need to generate more speed so there will most likely be more basic skating instead of complex steps, they will focus on the jumps more than the interpretation in the step sequence etc.

Therefore I think his PCS were fine as the judges scored him. But it's not bad, far from that. He is probably one of the least impacted skaters by a layout change like that. This might be a bit biased, because I was there in person high on the fact that I am seeing him live and clutching my Pooh (i still wonder where did that thing end up), but the difference between his PCS even when he was focused on the TES and some other men was visible. He was faster, and the skating was visibly cleaner even from up where I was sitting. I think what he did that day was the best of his ability to adapt an already complex program to an insanely difficult layout.

Kevin came the closest to him in terms of components honestly.

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

My impression looking at the sheer amount of times Shoma has podium'd... okay, taking into account overscoring and bias and whatever else people complain about... if he was scored completely fairly, I feel like not only would he still podium a lot, the times where he wouldn't under a "fair system," he would still probably be top 5? Like, the guy is easily world class.

And I remember looking at Turandot Oly skate on YT and how his technical score was above Yuzu's... he would have won if he had gone clean (which probably would have put even more pressure on him which would make the following season even more difficult for him than it was). I don't know, I'm blabbering too much.

If he would have been scored completely fairly he would have won even more actually. Because imo Cup of Russia 2019 they called some URs that were not UR, they devalued him in PCS and shoot up Samarin. Shoma should have won there. Same goes for the GPF 2017 (mind you lots of skaters had bad performances still Shoma lost by 0,05 to Nathan but at this point Shoma was much superior in all PCS areas). He also could have won 4CC 2018 if we compare Boyang's and Shoma's way of judging, where Shoma was judged a lot harsher than Boyang. Many ppl also say Shoma should have medaled at Worlds 2019 over Vincent. There are even ppl who say he should have won Worlds 2017. So if we want to play this game we can alter many competitions in Shoma's favor or not in his favor. It will always depend on who you ask.

Shoma completely deserves his place. There is valid criticism about his jumping technique on his Flip or some lack of transitions, but often his PCS were undervalued or his spins and steps. He sometimes profited from "overscoring" and sometimes not. But show me any top skater who has never profited from bias and overscoring? Not even Yuzu. I am not starting the Fanyu topic here.

Tbh I think there are only two competitions where I think the result could have changed with different scoring. The Olympics 2018 where the UR on the 4Lo fall wasn't marked and could have, which would have changed Silver and Bronze medals. And Asian Games 2017 where Shoma didn't perform to his best abilities and some obvious URs were ignored. But that's actually all imo.

I think it is sad that there is a narrative created by some circle of fans that Shoma is unfairly rewarded, because anyone with eyes should be able to see that Shoma is a top skater. He didn't get this place by accident or money, he earned his place and it saddens me to see that Shoma fans always have to downplay his achievements because a certain group of ppl created this narrative that he is underserving of his medals. If these circle of ppl would judge we all know how the result would be and that wouldn't be fair or free of bias either.

Sorry for the ranting...but I am sick and tired of some Fanyus fans.

[candycoatddalek]

CandyD’s Lovelink Masterpost

Here’s a master post of all my Lovelink works. List is in alphabetical order by character. I don’t normally take requests unless I feel like it so unless I put up a post or something on my sidebar that says requests are open please don’t make requests because they won’t be answered.

Check out the Key below to see how I tag my warnings on things, I’ve tried to place warnings on those  fic’s that I feel may need it but I’m only human and some times miss  some things, kindly send me a message if you think something needs to be  tagged with a warning.

If you want to get an introduction to my OC’s take a look at this page.

Enjoy!

Other Masterlists.

Gaming Fanfiction|Original Fiction|Otome Fanfiction| TV/Movie Fanfiction

OC’s|MC’s

Key

Newest stories: N!

Smut: NSFW

Violence: V!

Horror: H!

Non-Con: N/C!

Last Updated: 00/00/0000

All

Oneshots

=

Adam Johnson/Dominic Wright

Oneshots

=

Aesha Nora/Samantha Clark

Oneshots

=

Albert Bishop/Jonathan Hayes

Mini Series

=

Oneshots

=

Alex Frederik/Calum Keys

Oneshots

=

Alice Martin/Eve Rockwood

Oneshots

=

Ana Samarine/Milena Sarafian/Ruby Thomas

Oneshots

=

Antoine Dawson/Noah Cruz/Nina Hawk

Oneshots

=

Austin Russo/Damien Jones

Mini Series

=

Oneshots

=

Bex Michel

Oneshots

=

Blake Bailey/Keanu Hale

Oneshots

=

Brett O’Hara/Susan Sheridan

Oneshots

=

Cainán Ó Faoláin

Mini Series

=

Oneshots

=

Clementine Hill/Grace Kim

Oneshots

=

Dahlia Vance/Rose Monroe

Oneshots

=

Daniel Anderson/Ryan Bryne

Oneshots

=

Didier Laurent/Mamoru Ito

Oneshots

=

Dr. Vile

Mini Series

=

Oneshots

=

Emerson Grey/Sage Foster/Vitoria Voznesenky

Oneshots

=

Fraz Jorgenson/Ingrid Holm

Oneshots

=

Gabe Scott

Oneshots

=

Garrett Brown/Rory O’Brien

Oneshots

=

Jaden Bower/Skylar Quinn

Oneshots

=

Jamie Grant/Seth Evans/Julia Greene

Oneshots

=

Julien Alexandre/William Chrome

Oneshots

=

Makoa ‘Aukai

Oneshots

=

Min-Jae Lee/Liam Park

Oneshots

=

Nick Klaus

Oneshots

=

Oliver Black/Stefan Silver

Oneshots

=

Raphael Becker/Wyatt Moore

Oneshots

=

Sheng Zhao/Tomas Antol

Oneshots

=

Tiros Darkmane

Oneshots

=

Theo Onasis

Oneshots

=

[jennibeultimate]

Personal recap Skate Canada 2021 - Men SP

Yeah it's me again...and again fyi bias is part of this and it's what it is - a PERSONAL recap, so anyone disagreeing is totally valid and then goodbye to you - this is primarily for myself.

Well I can't say this was better than Skate America, but maybe slightly better...😅

Nathan undoubtedly will win this competition. He skated a clean SP, yet again I feel like his jumps aren't as secure as they looked some time ago. The 4Lz looked on edge, also 4T3T didn't have any flow, his 3A actually looked the best of his jumps...so the win is fine here, but the GOEs and PCS once again don't make sense...but what's new? I guess for a clean Nathan program I should be happy he didn't win the PCS even if it's basically 0 difference and that it was "just" 106...whatever...I still don't understand the SP mix and Nemesis the song is cool, but well skate the old Nemesis or something else pls...

Jason's choreography is so on point with the music, each detail on the right place, this is what I like about Jason. He should have won the PCS by a mile. I am not a real fan of the program though, because I don't really like the music, but I can acknowledge a good choreography and it fits Jason perfectly. Well done SP! 👏

Keegan Messing - he did it! He was almost clean! The transition into the Lutz is too die for. So good. 😍😍😍 I love Keegan's energy and charisma. For me personally the highlight of the SP! ❤️

Roman Sadovsky - what do I have to sacrifice to the skating gods to give this man clean skates and the places he deserves 😭😭😭 His skating is beautiful, his spins are beautiful, this SP is beautiful and then he makes super unnecessary mistakes 😩

I am no particular fan of any of the Russians but I think all of them had programs that fit their style - not new, not innovative, but nice choice (however I don't understand Samarin's music cut) Makar Ignatov 's 4Loop looks very easy, it's impressive, Evgeni Semenenko just had the safe of the day when he implemented the half-fall into the choreography, Alexander Samarin didn't fell completely apart (also btw I am sorry Samarin - when I dream you win you end up not doing well 😅)

Seeing Sota Yamamoto with Mihoko Higuchi brings old memories back. I miss this beautiful lady in the K&C. Sota what was this with your 3A? Otherwise good skate. I think if he would have a better reputation, he would probably get a bit more for his jumps and PCS too.

Keiji Tanaka has such a cool program! 😎 I wa s so glad about the 4S working that I didn't expect him to make two mistakes afterwards. *puh*😑 Poor Keiji is also always making stupid mistakes....*schnief**cries*

Tomoki Hiwatashi also has a nice program and I love his split jump and unique style, but with this messy skates he won't get anywhere. It is sad. *sigh*I really think if Nathan and Jason retire the US men are in trouble of having medal candidates on international level, they are all very inconsistent. (Vincent gains momentum atm but we don't want to praise the day before night)

As for Morisi Kvitelashvili Jackie Wong is right. He can land from 3rd place to last place here and he chose last today. His scors vary so widely that he could be two different ppl.

Good luck for the free skate!

[abou-khadeejatu-assalafeey]

📌Kar ka sake duk halin da ka shiga ka manta da Allah a karon farko, duk rintsi duk wuya ka fara tunawa da Mahaliccinka ka kai kukan ka wajen sa kafin wajen mutane. Annabin Allah, Annabi Yusuf (AS) Lokacin da aka sa shi a prison tare da samarin nan guda 2, da dayan zai fita sai Annwbi Yusuf ya nemi da ya tunawa sarki al'amarinsa cewa a tuna da shi fa a duba lamarinsa. Hakan ya sa Allah kishi sai Shedan ya mantar da su, har Allah ya bar shi acikin prison na tsawon shekara 7: Saboda haka, a dukkan Al'amari mu dinga tunawa da Allah da mayar da al'amarin mu wajenSa shi kadai. 📌TABBAS DUK WANDA YA DOGARA DA ALLAH TO ALLAH YA ISAR MASA 🌹❤️ *✍️Abou Khadeejatu Assalafeey*

[peakywitch]

Cassiopeia - John Shelby

Warnings: mentions of blood, war, curse word...the normal!  

A/N: changed John’s kids name! also, it’ll be revised through these days, tell me if you see any mistakes! <3 

word count: 2.3k

my masterlist

The small footsteps of two mischievous children were heard throughout the house. It was very early, the sun was still down. The two opposing hands of the children were intertwined, guiding each other through the labyrinth into which the house was transformed when the moon rose. The old wood under their feet creaked with every step, which alerted his not-so-asleep father.

"What if he hits us?" Ben asked nervously.

"James has been telling you stories, right?"

The boy nodded sadly at his sister's question. His friend was frequently punished severely, but at the Shelby household, it was different.

"Don't worry, it's for a good cause. Besides, dad would never hit us." Winnie smiled, trying to see his brother's eyes in the dark.

A good cause? John thought, what would be so important to speak in the moonlight? He knew what his two kids were up to, but he stayed in bed, still being able to listen to the two of them talk. He wasn't going to get up, not until the sun comes up at least.

"Dad?" asked the voice of the girl, with a low and still voice "Are you awake?"

John turned his face on the pillow, seeing two heads - one with braids and one with blond hair, both disheveled - appear through the door. What the hell were Winnie and Ben doing up at such an early hour?

A sleepy voice invited them to climb onto the bed with them, Ben accepted immediately, almost jumping on his father. Winnie just sat on the end of the bed, watching John hug Ben.

"What are you two doing up so early?" he asked, as he gently combed his son's hair

"It’s Emma’s and Lottie’s birthday on Monday." Winnie whispered, not wanting to wake the smaller Shelbys sleeping in the next room.

"Yes, I know", he smiled "six years ... I don't understand where those six years have gone." He smiled wistfully. But even so, that smile showed a pride that was not visible in the moonlight.

"And we thought about whether we could bake a cake." Ben smiled.

John's eyes went to the boy's sugar-craving gaze. Then he saw her smile, which had a small window.

"So the good cause is cake, huh?" He smiled, giving Winnie a sense that his plan to be quiet had failed.

But even with a defeat, the girl smiled, as her hand traveled through the braid that John had awkwardly made.

“It's already Saturday, you don't have school. Why don't they go back to sleep? he asked, after a chat of flavors, colours and fillings.

Winnie nodded as she listened to Ben, who had been snoring from the beginning of the conversation.

"Aunt Pol, I need a favor." John asked, as he played with the toothpick between his lips.

Polly tore her eyes away from the journal for a few short seconds, seeing her nephew's pleading look. When she read the newspaper again, she spoke:

“I'll take care of the children today, John. But since you are always..."

"Actually, uh... the girls turn 6 on Monday, and I wanted to ask you if you could bake them a cake?" the doubt and confusion in John's voice led her aunt to laugh.

"When in your bloody life have you seen me bake a cake, huh?" she asked, putting the paper aside and taking the last sip of her tea.

"Yeah, well," he laughed, "I don't lose anything by trying, do I?"

Between a nostalgic chat about how they were six years ago, Polly remembered in an instant, interrupting John:

"Y/N!"

Polly's exclamation shook John's comfort, her screams were always sending him to the Calvary.

"Y/N?" he asked.

The name burned on the tip of his tongue and in the back of his head, unable to remember who it was. He had known a nurse of that name, but it couldn't be because some enemies had killed her in front of him.

“Do you remember Karl's cake? That delicacy of chocolate, hazelnut and caramel?” his aunt answered with a question, trying to enliven the memory.

How could he forget that cake.

The cake was soft as a cloud, the chocolate intense and the caramel had a few notes of salt that made your tongue dance. John had never tasted a better cake than that. Also, he had eaten three servings. Faced with the memory, he laughed:

"How could I forget the stomach ache that lasted for two days, ey?" Polly grinned "Never such a beautiful pain."

They both laughed.

John's feet were constantly changing position. He was alone in a neighboring town from Small Heath, an hour away from his home. The address Polly had given him must be wrong since it was not a bakery; it was a simple English house. It had some rose bushes in the small front garden and a bird feeder in a vibrant little lemon tree. The aesthetics of the home were out of tune with John in an extraordinary way. The striking difference between the green of the home and the black of his clothes made him feel like an outcast.

Somewhat uncomfortable and hesitant, he headed for the door. It was then that he could hear the subtle violin that came from the house, also a piano. The atmosphere was so mellow, it almost completely calmed John's nerves. With the piano in the background, he knocked on the door. The music did not stop. From what he knew, the music that was playing came from a gramophone.

A woman in her forties opened the door for him, her blonde hair was down and her eyes were tired, but still had a smile from ear to ear.

"Yes?" she asked, without moving her smile.

"Good afternoon, ma'am" smiled John, taking off his hat "I'm looking for Mrs. Y/N ..."

Mrs? John asked himself, since when did he say he was looking for a Mrs?

The woman called out the name, and within seconds an old woman appeared in front of him.

"Are you Y/N?" asked John.

"So it is, dear." The lady's smile denoted fatigue but a strange feeling of youth.

Uncharacteristically shy, John explained his situation.

"Oh, great, great!" He smiled, and invited him in.

The lady, without asking much, sat the unknown gangster on a pink sofa with flowers and black wooden armrests. John could observe that the music came from a phonograph, it had been almost twenty years since he had seen one, they were not so common anymore.

After a few moments of inspecting the curious and cozy house from that old-fashioned sofa, the lady appeared with two aprons: both pink, with ruffles and embroidery.

"Very good," the lady smiled, "put this on and Y/N is coming."

The old woman did not give Shelby time to complain, leaving him in the company of a pink apron, totally striking.

Polly, what the fuck have you gotten me into?

John walked nervously through the dining room, cooking classes? I'd had enough of Polly's teachings on how to make soup, there was no way I could bake a cake. Less than less, two.

"Are you ready, Mr.?"

The voice... the voice is different.

John turned around, seeing how a girl appeared in front of him.

"And you are?" he asked, holding out his hand.

"I am Y/N."

John was mixing a thick brown mixture, while Y/N a white. The image of the man in a suit, with a chocolate stain on his shirt, made Y/N smile every time she saw him. He had steadfastly refused to wear something as ridiculous and flashy as that pink apron, but he had been persuaded to cook the cake.

"So everyone who wants a cake... comes and has to do it too?" John asked, finishing beating.

"Yes."

"So, my sister Ada...?"

“I end up with her egg-filled apron, but yeah. The cake was made by her with my help. "

John stopped beating, glancing sideways at the baker's smile. He knew that smile, but still not the woman who wore it.

While the cake was baking, they both talked about life, war, music. Sorting things out amid animated chatter, John tried to caress her arms with his. The moles on her arms reminded him of stars.

"You remind me of war." He said, without thinking once.

The look of the young woman was a complete poem.

"You're not good with compliments, are you John?" the girl asked, trying to add laughter to the situation, uncomfortable.

"Hell, I didn't mean that, I..." a chill ran through his body, what the fuck did he just say?

"Do not worry." She smiled, finishing cleaning.

“When I was on the Somme,” John began, “when I was on the Somme I couldn't think of anything other than the smell of blood. I couldn't hear anything other than screams, in a thousand and one languages, be it prayers or calls for help. The sun burned my forehead ... I remember feeling the infinite beads of sweat that dried on my neck. But at night, when death rested and war ceased, he looked at the stars. The sweat of the day made me feel like I was dying of cold in the cruel and dark French trenches. I prayed i would come home safe and sound, or at least alive. And the smell and the screams continued, until i found Cassiopeia in the sky. Then the smell would stop, the screaming too. My body was flooded with the aroma of bread that my mother made, and a lullaby sounded in my head that I heard my aunt sing. "

Y/N's eyes were attentive to every word, unconsciously shedding tears. The boy approached her arm, and slowly traced the W that was seen on her skin. His index finger joined each mole, and he touched the stars of the Samarin sky. He felt that peace, he felt that song and he felt different.

After that, they kissed. It was a bearable kiss, momentary and fleeting but brilliant, like a star. It gave them both that feeling you get on New Year’s: that feeling that, although it is still the same, you have a new opportunity. A fresh start.

“This is how looking up the stars felt.” Said John, while his nose was touching hers.

“How?” Y/n asked.

Both of their eyes were still closed. Their breathing was slow and peaceful.

John couldn’t answer; he felt everything crumble inside of him. Slowly, the disgusting smell of blood was flooding his head again.

“Is the cake ready?” he asked pulling away from her, making the girl sadden.

“Uh…yes, we just have to write their names with icing and it’ll be ready to be eaten.”

Her eyes were trying to connect with his, but he was observing the kitchen anxiously, avoiding her eyes. They both knew that John was evading her, but he didn’t know how she felt.

He left her in the kitchen to finish her work, as he washed the batter off of his hands in the little bathroom. It didn’t matter how many times he used soap, he still saw the red dots of blood on his hands. He felt the dirt under his nails, and the sweat drops on his back were always burning and itching, no matter how many showers he took.

When he left the bathroom, five minutes later, he saw the girl getting ready to write his daughters’ names on both cakes.

With a professional smile on her face, she asked for the names.

“Emma and Charlotte.” he smiled, tiredly.

As he put his coat on again, he watched the girl write both names in pink icing. She had a little bit of her tongue out, and was frowning. John couldn’t help but smile, not realizing how peaceful he was feeling.

One minute after he put on his cap on his the pocket of his coat, the baker gave him two white boxes.

“I really hope you learned something today.” She said with a smile, he smiled back.

“This” he said, giving her money “I believe is yours…”

He was giving her eight quids. Her eyes opened with astonishment.

“It’s two pounds each cake, John. Four in total.”

“Take ‘em, really.” He said, still insisting.

“John, I will accept five, and that’s it.” She said back, trying to act tough. Jesus, eight pounds sounded bloody amazing.

“I compared you to war, c’mon. Take them all.” He insisted agin.

“Six, and if you insist again I will give you both cakes as gifts.” She smiles, feeling the victory in her plan.

John smiled, he couldn’t believe how hard headed she was. He looked away, and let out a little laugh before looking at her, directly in the yes.

“Six it is.”

And when she saw the smile on John’s face, she felt like it was all good again, just like before and during the kiss. Boy was she wrong.

“You know…” the man started “I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m so sorry…m’ wife, well…”

Y/N’s stiffened, her blood became ice. Every cell in her body fell numb.

“Oh…” she said.

John didn’t say a word. Neither did her.

She helped him load the cakes in his car, but the again. None of them said good bye. He took off, having given the girl two quids more.

He paid for the kiss, she though, not because he was sorry of what he said.

That night, she felt as dirty as John felt. The kiss was burning her lips, her consciousness, every inch of her body. She scrubbed her body even harder in the tub, tears were building up in her eyes.

But John,  on the other hand, felt peace every time he remembered the kiss. He was in bed, trying to sleep, trying to forget the war on his head. He thought of the kiss, of that bloody kiss that made him tremble and feel nervous again. He tried to understand what it felt, he tried every adjective. He found one, two hours after thinking non-stop about the girl he met that day:

Hope.

The kiss tasted like hope.

taglist: open

@a-golden-sunflower-vol-6

@fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby

@stydia-4-ever

[bisexual-maelstrom12]

Ranking the Lovelink Matches (a completely subjective list by moi)

22. Clementine Hill / Grace Kim

I already wasn’t into her because she’s a privileged rich girl who uses literary quotes to seem smart (but really it’s just obnoxious). But then she tells us she’s thinking about dumping us for her creepy old professor?? Girl needs an actual job so she can stop relying on her parents and a therapist for her daddy issues. 

21. Dominic Wright / Adam Johnson

I’m still pretty early on in the storyline here but so far I’m just bored. A “love” photography theme? Big yawn.

20. Liam Park / Min-Jae Lee

How Is Dating A K-Pop Star This BORING

19. Jake Gonzales / Zayn Kassab

The sexting is fun but honestly his film project sounds terrible and he needs to cool his feelings down like 200%. 

18. Angel Reed / Emmalyn Roberts

Look she’s amazing and gorgeous and the animals are ADORABLE but honestly I find her pretty boring compared to the other matches SORRY DON’T HATE ME

17. Antoine Dawson / Noah Cruz

He comes on too strong a lot but I dig the puppies and the sexual tension. I would absolutely enter a FWB relationship with him but nothing more. 

16. Albert Bishop / Jonathan Hayes

This ranking is subject to change bc tbh I swiped left on these boys at first (#fuckamericanimperialism). But then other matches finished up and I needed more content and y’know what? Albert’s pretty okay. I like his backstory so far and he’s sweet and sexy. Should def get out of the military tho. 

15. Stefan Silver / Oliver Black

I appreciate that he’s a more consent-friendly version of Christian Gray and I like the “defrosting ice king” trope. But I would much rather be using the riding crop on him than vice versa. >:)

14. Jamie Grant / Seth Evans

Jamie is kind of a weird match in that I LOVE his storyline but also the flirting is pretty weak?? Like, I literally would have had to pay gems for the first “date”. I’m not feeling much of a sexual connection here, but I’m all aboard the hacker kidnapping storyline. 

13. Austin Russo / Damien Jones

He’s rough around the edges but the character growth is pretty spectacular. Gotta save my boo from death row. 

12. Sam Knight / Michael Evans

Never thought I’d be into a jock frat boy but here we are. I like how I snarked at him constantly for a week and he still fell for me. Ghosting us after we call him out on his daddy issues is pretty weak tho. 

11. Samantha Clark / Aesha Nora

Okay she isn’t the greatest person or partner but cute gamer gf?? Yes please. And she can cook and bench press me too! *swoon* Also Fiction needs to be real asap. 

10. Sage Foster / Vitoria Voznesenky

Sage was one of my first matches and was my favorite for a while. Who doesn’t want a hot goth gf? But then she PUNCTURED MY LIP (does that even heal??) and almost ate me and I’m just not about that. Hopefully she can go give Baba Yaga a talking to and get that curse removed.

9. Skylar Quinn / Jaden Bower

So making us commit a crime and then ditching us on the first date wasn’t cool, and I’m not much for a “rebel without a cause,” but then Skylar hit me with his tragic backstory and, well, I’m weak y’all. Also he’s so smart and snarky and sexy and I want him to achieve his dreams.

8. Eve Rockwood / Alice Martin

Look I’m still pissed at Eve for ditching us in Ibiza. But also I would absolutely drop everything to follow a hot girl to Japan. 

7. William Crome / Julien Alexandre

I was never really into the whole dating a vampire thing but William just does it for me. I think it’s the hair and the old timey fashion. And he told off his mom for me, which is more than I can say about SOME of these matches.

6. Hugo Hornsby / Marco Bottazzi

Hugo is lowkey a garbage human who absolutely emotionally cheated on his long-term fiance with us. So why do I love him so much?? Idk, could be my trash taste in men, could be my love of geeks, could be the delicious drama of his plotline. Hugo pls come back from ur convo with ur fiance and d*ck us down already. 

5. Kayla Summers / Jasmin Medina

Kayla/Jasmin is objectively the most badass match in Lovelink. She’s hot, ambitious, and didn’t ghost me for a dumb reason. She can kill it in heels AND kill actual killers! Get you a girl who can do both!

4. Raphael Becker / Wyatt Moore

The creepy cult plot is fascinating and Raph is the perfect combination of sweet/romantic and hott. That dream date was amazing. Pls Lovelink, when will my husband* come back from the war**?

* musician boyfriend

** creepy cult village

3. Ryan Byrne

Ryan is lowkey my perfect guy--sweet, nerdy, and SO SEXY OMG. I need his sex scene so bad pls. Also he might have caused the zombie apocalypse and that’s very interesting of him. I’m hooked on his story and I want his **** hooked in my *****. 

2. Milena Sarafian / Ana Samarine (also maybe the same route as Ruby Thomas and Julia Greene?? Idk I’m pretty confused by this whole situation)

Apparently my ideal type is an adorable yet sexy computer who discovers love and how to be human through interacting with me. I should probably go watch that Her movie.

1. Cpt. Muffin

CAT. SHY BOY. <3.

[figure-skating-watch-party]

Channel 1 Trophy

I watched Channel 1 Trophy (not the jumping tournament though), I mean just and only the performances, to spare myself seeing any possible drama or  Yagudin’s embarassing behaviour. And of course downloaded all the cute friendship gifs afterwards ;) 

PAIRS

It’s unbelievable how amazing Russian pair skating is. Also the added tension thinking that this competition will play a role in determining who’ll go to Worlds... Stressful, stressful, worrying about kittens (B/K) so much but also amazing to watch.  

Boikova/Kozlovski - Star of captivating happiness / Writing on the wall The throw in the short has been giving them trouble lately. But I love the kittens so much! And woooow, trying 3S - 3S in the free. And all the throws were great. 

Mishina/Galliamov - Esmeralda / Bohemian Rhapsody Showmens in the making. The throws, amazing spins to the music, and woow they are doing 3S - 3S. 

Pavliuchenko/Khodykin - Sing, sing, sing / SOS d’un terrien un detresse These programs are such a great choice for them. They are getting better at interpretation and at being more open. I love their lifts, and how Denis literally throws Daria down and between his legs on the ground. 

Tarasova/Morozov - Bolero / Adagio Maybe it’s because Sergei Voronov joined their coaching team ;)  but I’m beginning to like them. Undoubtedly their elements are world class but I’ve never been convinced by their programs. But now I’m beginning to see the performance, the interpretation.

LADIES

I usually don’t watch ladies, and Russian ladies even less so (unless it’s Zhenya or Sasha T.) Because all the quads, coaching drama, early retirements are not fun. And with “usually don’t watch ladies” I mean I-can-count-on-one-hand-how-many-times-I’ve-seen-eg. Anna S-level of not watching. So I’ll talk about ladies more generally than about other categories. 

Kamila Valieva - Storm / Bolero Daria Usacheva - Moulin Rouge / Romeo & Juliet Maia Khromykh - I’ll take care of you / Agony suite Anna Shcherbakova - O deux printemps / Morning passages

I’ve seen Kamila, Daria and Maia for the first time ever. And I have to say I liked their SPs quite a lot. Though the FPs seemed all a bit similar, even though the music was different... I really loved Kamila’s SP and her spins. (The FP could be renamed High kicks everywhere, though...) I really liked the way Daria moved on the ice and also appreciated that Maia’s SP music was a bit more modern. Anna is really nice to watch, so musical.

Alexandra Trusova - Love story, Appassionata / Romeo & Juliet I love her SP and now I think her FP has also improved a lot during the season. Her spins are also good. 

Elizaveta Tuktamysheva - Lovely / Chronicles of a mischievous child Liza truly is the empress. Really I admire how herself she is. When it comes to even just costumes, program changes adventures ;) continuing her career...

ICE DANCE

I loooooove everyone. 

Zagorski/Guerreiro - The greatest showman / Survivor Their skating is a great, engaging show without being theatrical though. Twizzels so good. 

Morozov/Bagin - Too darn hot / Terra rossa I don’t know... one of the few teams I feel no connection with. (No idea if it’s because I’m negatively biased because of their coach or for some other reason). But I have to admit that the FD really suits them. 

Skoptsova/Aleshin - Bonnie & Clyde / Never tear us apart They spark! They changed from one season to the other so much. I remember watching Fournier-Boundry/Sorensen’s amazing Bonnie & Clyde RD last season thkinking they were so much better. And now? Skoptsova/Aleshin are much more mature than last season, every movement is done precisely. Yes, I love them more and more. And so powerful in the FD. 

Shevchenko/Eremenko - Burlesque / The Illusionist Also yess yess yess! Their power. And the hydroblades in the FD

Stepanova/Bukin - Moulin Rouge / Cry me a river I have to admit I’m a bit confused? Did they change the music a bit? And no dramatic pause in the middle of the RD? I feel robbed (mainly of smiling at the confusion when half of the spectators thinks it’s the ending pose and begins to clap). But anyway, this program is 100 % drama and I like it. The FD idk... I don’t like it that much. But what I do like are all the lifts in the FD. 

Khudaiberdieva/Bazin - The Artist, Sing, sing, sing / Experience I like this team so much. Liza is a star. I really hope they’ll have much success in the future. I think that paradoxically this season was a blessing in disguise for them. It was Liza’s first season in seniors, their first season together and I think it was beneficial for them that they could participate in a lot of domestic competitions without too much pressure. I especially like their RD. The rotational lift at the end is awesome. 

MEN 

Mikhail Kolyada - Let’s get loud / The White Crow There’s nothing to say. I love the SP and I cry whenever I watch the FP. It’s a masterpiece. And Misha is getting comfortable again with the quads and added 4S! Yesss King.

Dima Aliev - Masquerade Waltz / L’immensitá This time not only return to the SP but also to the costume. And it was great (ignore the fall in stsq). Funny thing, Dima changed costume for the FP and suddenly I think it suits him more. Good job!

Makar Ignatov - I can’t go on without you / Je suis malade His 4Lo  [insert hearty eyes here] 

Mark Kondratiuk - Summertime / A Swan in born So cool and free in the short, it’s like a party on the ice. And an amazing FP. (We are all Zhenya, crying)

Andrei Mozalev - Sadeness Part 2 / The man with a harmonica He was so upset at nationals (and the camera man was filming him all the time) and that means that now he’s my baby. And he fought!

Sasha Samarin - Polushko polye / Keeping me alive My Sasha T_T I really hope he keeps his SP for next season because it’s a program he’s comfortable with. The step sequence is great. And he’s also improving in the FP... But he’s been injured, the jumps are not as secure as they were... To be honest, it’s quite clear that Sasha won’t be going to Worlds so he deserve some rest (and it’s been confirmed that he’s not going to Russian Cup finale). 

[figureskatingconfessions]

“Dima has a 4 Lutz now (I hope he can make it consistent enough to do it on competitions), Ignatov has a huge 4 Loop now (and it seems he's going to do it in his SP), and his 3A is one of the best in the game, and Samarin is working on his artistry (people often say he's too stiff in his step sequence), and his LP looks on fire, so it seems Russian men weren't wasting their time on quarantine at all, can't wait to see if they can become strong contenders this season!”

[hattrickeryreviews]

Power Play (Scoring Chances #3) - Avon Gale

"A freak accident during the Stanley Cup Playoffs put an end to Max Ashford’s hockey career. Despite everything, Max gets back into the game he loves—only this time, behind the bench as an assistant coach of the Spartanburg Spitfires, the worst team in the entire league. But nothing prepares him for the shock when he learns the new head coach is Misha Samarin, the man who caused Max’s accident.

After spending years guilt ridden for his part in Max’s accident, Russian native Misha Samarin has no idea what to do when he’s confronted with Max’s presence. Max’s optimism plays havoc with Misha’s equilibrium—as does the fierce attraction that springs up between them.

Not only must they navigate Misha’s remorse and a past he’s spent a lifetime trying to forget, but also a sleazy GM who is determined to use their history as a marketing hook. But when an unwelcome visitor targets a player, Misha revisits his darkest days, and that might cost him and Max the beginning they’ve worked so hard to build."

Did I reread it? Yes

POV: 3rd person limited, alternating between Max Ashford and Misha Samarin

Tropes: Denied-Rivalry, Age Gap, Grump and Sunshine, Underdogs, Injury

My thoughts:

Characters/Character Development: 5/5

Max: Max is a canonically disabled, newly hired assistant coach for the worst team in the ECHL. He’s got a positive outlook on life despite his injury taking him out of the NHL and losing him his fiancée. His character arc is more focused on improving the team and leaning into romance than it is on personal development.

Misha: Misha is an emotionally stunted, Russian ex-NHL player with a dark past and secrets he keeps close to his chest. He leans into punishment, most of it self-inflicted. His character arc is focused on allowing himself happiness, wherever he may find it.

These characters are fully fleshed out, with a past connection that makes sense and goals that intertwine nicely. Their development together romantically was set out wonderfully and really led to a believable relationship. The main characters were both very likeable, and the new side characters that were introduced really added to the story.

Believability (Hockey): 5/5

Just as the previous books in the series did, this book follows the ECHL, with accurate depictions of what that means for the characters. The team names themselves are fake, but the structure of the games and league is very real. I think that the setup for the team, along with the team trajectory, was very plausible. I also think that the strategies exercised by the GM made sense, no matter how bad they were. Overall, the hockey of this book was very realistic.

Believability (Plot): 4/5

I could absolutely see most things in this book being possible. A bit dramatized, sure, but what’s a good book without drama? I liked the trajectory of the relationship and of the hockey team, and I think most of the major plot points made sense. My only critique is that there were a few instances where I found things to be a bit too coincidental, which took away a bit of the realism.

Uniqueness: 4/5

Here we’ve got a hockey book that focuses on the coaches instead of the players, which is a fresh change of pace from about 9/10 hockey romances you’ll read. Their pasts together and separately are unique, and reading the book was a fresh change of pace. There’s a bit of predictability involved, considering the way hockey books usually go, but that doesn’t impact the reading.

Trope Integration: 4/5

Some of the tropes in here are very important to the plot. We’ve got this push for a rivalry throughout the entire story that the main characters fight against every step of the way. The characters themselves are the epitome of grump and sunshine, and I really like how those characteristics play out. The team is full of underdogs, and the plot never shies away from that fact. I would just say that when an age gap is introduced (here, of 11 years), that should play into the plot a bit more.

Series Integration: 2/5

This is the only place where I would say the story fell short. This book is definitely part of the series, but every main character, or important side character, is brand new to the series. The only foreshadowing for the story was a single line in the previous book establishing that this hockey team was getting new coaches. Otherwise, what saves this from a lower is that we at least knew this team existed beforehand, and at times this team focused on in this book plays the team from the previous books. However, this book does mark a separation at which point I can mentally consider the books a different story. If you were not interested in reading any of the previous books, you could jump in here with no confusion.

General enjoyment: 5/5

This is one of the better plots I’ve read, and I really enjoyed it. You see a lot of vulnerability from the characters, and I find them all very endearing. There aren’t many low points in this book when it comes to surface level enjoyment. Maybe once you sit down and start really thinking about what happened, you notice some holes, but I’d say most people don’t read hockey books for their philosophical content.

Overall Score: 29/35 or 4.1/5

[yuzusorbet]

A beautiful and moving fan account of GPF Torino 2019, by a fan who lives in Turin, Italy.

THE YUZU CHRONICLES IN TURIN – DAY ONE

Yuzu is in my town. Yuzu is in my town. I can’t quite believe it: I’m having breakfast and can’t quite believe it, I go out and can’t quite believe it, I get on the subway and… yes, I start to believe it, since I’m surrounded by Poohs. So many Asian women, so many Skate Canada/FaOI/Continue with Wings bags. When I get off, I can feel the thrill: in less than one hour, I’m going to see Yuzu live! In my town! As soon as I reach the Palavela, I meet other fans: some I met last year in Helsinki, some I never met before, but it doesn’t matter. Here we are, all for Yuzu, all with Yuzu, hoping and feeling and praying and focusing for him and with – and that’s something so strong that all the differences between us – country, age, social/economical/cultural status – disappear. It’s just so beautiful (and important) to be here, together, when Yuzuru is skating at the Grand Prix Final. At last. I find a good seat – mine is not bad, but there are better places where I can settle down and watch the practice – and wait for Yuzu. The arena is not totally full but there are many people here anyway: (nearly) all for Yuzu? A roaring, thunderous shout is the answer: YES! And Yuzu has just appeared… alone. Where’s Brian, or Tracy, or Ghislain? Nobody knows, at the moment. He puts his beloved Pooh on the balustrade, then waits for the Zamboni to resurface the ice, and finally enters the rink: he bends down, touches the ice, and takes off. Yes, I can’t find another way to tell what he does: does he skate? For sure. Does he dance? Definitely. But he flies. The impression is there’s always some room between his blades and the ice, an inch of air allowing him to just float. And the noise he makes on the ice is just so different from the noise made by all the other skaters… you could close your eyes and tell when Yuzu is skating just listening to him. But of course it’s so mesmerizing to watch him: when you see him live, you catch something that you can guess even watching his videos, but that is so strong and obvious here. You can call it aura, or charisma: something so overwhelming that I feel blessed and hypnothised at the same time. The practice goes by very fast. Yuzu skates… what to say? He fell a couple of times; he pops a couple of jumps (one at the beginning of Origin run-through); his skating is so graceful, though, and solid, and pure, that no fall and no popped jump can damage its beauty at all. Moreover, he had so many outstanding moments: all his 4S and 4T and 3A; the 4T-euler-3F sequence; an unusual 3A-3A sequence; the 4Lo he lands (majestic)… and the 4Lz he lands (royal)! Really: as soon as I understand he’s going to jump a 4Lz, I cross all of my fingers and clench my teeth and… and he jumps. Cleanly, beautifully. Never underestimate Mr. Hanyu: I’d better remember Brian’s words. Finally, he cools down. A slow Italian song, Di sole e d’azzurro (“Of sun and light blue”) by Giorgia, is filling the arena. Yuzu gets in tune with it and starts his usual sequence: grand pliés, arabesques, ports de bras… in this moment, he really looks, he is Baryshnikov on ice. I don’t know how he can do it, but he’s able to fill my heart with fire and calm at the same time. Maybe it’s “just” beauty, or poetry. Maybe it’s “just” love.

THE YUZU CHRONICLES IN TURIN – DAY TWO: SHORT PROGRAM

How hard it is to write today, I’m not even sure I should. I drink some more tea and check my watch: it’s 11 pm. I should work a bit. Maybe writing will heal my heart a bit, though, so okay, let’s start. Let’s go back to Thursday. The day of the short program. I reach the Palavela at 6.15 p.m. I was here for Yuzu’s practice in the morning – and it was so good: my favourite training outfit (black and grey shirt), some stunning jumps (the 4Lutz!), the impression that he’s floating in kind of a bubble of brightness – and now I’m back. There’s no queue and I get quickly into the arena. There are Chinese fans providing small banners to cheer for Yuzu. There are people gathered at the Edea stand, taking picture by a big poster of Yuzu. There’s an Italian man (a volunteer from the Palavela staff, I’d say) giving out pictures of Yuzu, with a long queue of ladies in front of him. And there are so many Poohs, everywhere. I just love this context, this atmosphere, but I can’t ignore the tension that is slowly making its way inside me. A couple of hours and Yuzu will compete. I can’t wait to see him, but at the same time I don’t want to see him. I want to pay my most heartfelt tribute to the most amazing skater in history, but I know I’ll quake with fear. How can I feel like that for someone I don’t even know personally? I think about that bubble of brightness, the sound of his blades, the grace of his arms, the fire in his eyes: of course I can, for someone like Yuzu.

Time to reach my seat and watch the opening ceremony. Time to wait for Yuzu. A presenter who speaks a bad English  – and I wait for Yuzu. Some famous Italian skaters who perform nicely – and I wait for Yuzu. The pairs’ short program – and I wait for Yuzu. Some more minutes. And here he is, for the warm-up. Still alone with his Pooh. Since yesterday , the rumours about Ghislain’s absence are never ending – he had an accident, he’s got problem with his visa, what kind of visa does he need to come to Italy?? – but they end now. Yuzuru is there, and when he takes off his Japan jacket and reveals his costume, he looks like a dream from my childhood: my mother would read me a fairy tale before sleeping, and when I closed my eyes I would think (or dream already) of princes and castles and singing birds and starry nights… and in this very moment, with his costume sparkling like a constellation, Yuzuru is  almost the incarnation of that enchanted realm I envisioned when I was young and innocent, and so happy. And I would probably lose myself into that dream, if I wasn’t aware of the fact that the short program is going to start. Yuzuru will be the last one to take the ice. Before, I watch the other five skaters: Boyang Jin, Dmitri Aliev, Alexander Samarin, Kevin Aymoz – and, of course, Nathan Chen. He’s good but not perfect: his 4Lz looks pre-rotated, the exit from his 3A is a bit problematic, the second jump of his combination is short and definitely not effortless. But he scores more than 110 points. Just a handful of hundredths behind Yuzu’s record. What, how, why? I look at Eleonora, an Italian fan sitting by my side, and I know that my face must show the same feelings displaying on hers: awareness and wistfulness. It’s the same old story, isn’t it? As long as Yuzuru and Nathan do not compete directly against each other, Yuzuru’s scores are way higher than Nathan’s; but as soon as they share the same ice, the scoring system seems to turn upside down. Yuzu, oh, Yuzu … He’s on the ice, taking his starting position. The first note of Otoñal fills the arena – nothing else can be heard, not even the occasional coughing here and there. Yuzu, oh, Yuzu, please… Some steps, some transitions, 4S. Natural like a leaf floating in the tranquil stream of a river. Twizzles, 3A, twizzles. Pure harmony. We all wait for the last jumps, the combination. 4T… and no triple. No triple. Manuela and I look at each other. What score will these judges award to this program? To two perfect jumps, and a perfect step sequence, and perfect spins, and an obvious mistake? The answer comes soon: 97.43 points. 13 points behind Nathan. Can Yuzu still win, with these judges? Because I still haven’t look at the protocol, but it’s clear that he didn’t get the points he deserved for the Salchow, the Axel, the spins. And I’m quite sure that, even if he had been perfect, he would have earned something like 111, or 112 – no more than that. And I am sad. And angry. And I need to talk, to talk a lot, like every time I feel sad and angry. It’s a good thing that I’m not alone in front of my PC but amongst hundreds of fanyus, so we can share our sadness, our anger, and talk, talk a lot: while my friend Paolo and I walk to the subway station, while we find out that the subway isn’t working at the moment, while we call a taxi, while we share the fare with two Germans and a Japanese… …but as soon as I get off the taxi and start walking home, all my sadness and anger calm down. They don’t disappear; they just shrink to give room to something  – someone – much more important: Yuzu. I wonder how he’s feeling  now. Mad at himself, disappointed, too tired to feel anything else than an urgent need to just go to bed and sleep? And Ghislain is not there… Oh, Yuzu, how I would like to do something for you; something useful, not only feeling this dull pain in my chest and complaining about the scores. If only I could, I would give you a hug – to comfort you, to protect you. Or maybe I would take your hand and take you to the Po river. It’s quite close, you know? And there’s a beautiful park, called Valentino, with meadows descending gently  to the water. We would watch the river flow for a while, talking only if you wished to, then I would take you to Fiorio. Have someone told you about this ancient café in the centre of Turin? There are old huge mirrors, armchairs in red velvet, big rococo chandeliers, and a creaking wooden floor; we could sit there, order a hot chocolate or their famous gianduia (hazelnuts +chocolate) ice-cream; and for a few moments, for only a few moments, you could close your eyes, savour that new, creamy taste on your tongue, and forget about those damn 13 points, that damn combo… but probably you don’t want to forget, do you? You want to understand what happened, and why, and plan what you have to do now. Just don’t spend the whole night watching your SP again and again, right? Oh God, I sound like an old auntie. I open the door of my apartment. Sadness and anger are like a faint but constant throb in my stomach. Will I be able to sleep, tonight? I’m not sure, but it’s not so important. What’s important, is that Yuzu can sleep, and Ghislain arrives in Torino, and the judges come to their senses. Have sweet dreams, Yuzu, my wonderboy.

THE YUZU CHRONICLES IN TURIN – DAY THREE: QUAD AXEL

Fear. Joy. Worry. Fury. Emotion. What a day, the third day of the Grand Prix Final.  And yet, it was supposed to be a quiet day, for us fanyus: no competition, only some practice. When it comes to Yuzu, though, quietness looks scarily like a storm, and there’s nothing we can do about it: there’s no way to be even remotely prepared to all the ideas, visions, plans and dreams that cross Yuzu’s mind and that he chooses to act out. That’s why I’m more or less calm, when I get to the Palavela. “More or less” because I had a tough night: I kept on tossing and turning in my bed, thinking about the short program, constantly grabbing and turning off my phone – eager to read anything the web could provide me about it, and scared by possible haters and nasty posts.  So now I’m still sad and angry, but also too tired to have very strong feelings: sadness is a dull, feeble pain in my chest, anger a whisper that I try to ignore. I queue, get inside, talk with some friends. A few minutes, and Yuzu appears. Alone with Pooh: so Ghislain hasn’t arrived yet. Gosh, it’s all so wrong. The scores, the absence of Yuzu’s coach… we are in the middle of the Grand Prix Final and there were a bunch of bad omens already. No, I don’t want to be so negative. Yuzu needs to feel, to breath optimism and trust. Think positive, Alessandra; for the sake of Yuzu, think beautiful, think glorious! But it’s Yuzu, the one who’s beautiful and glorious. I always loved all kinds of practices and rehearsals: when some ballet company comes to my town, I always try and ask permission to attend a class, or some rehearsal. I love to see a work in progress, and all the commitment and efforts that artists, dancers and athletes put into their performances. No costumes, no lights, sometimes not even music: just the focus, sweat and love needed to succeed. When practicing, Yuzuru is like that, of course, but he also has – is – something different. The way he can look incredibly focused – and actually a bit dangerous – and turn suddenly into a playful child. The long talks he has with himself. His ability to ignore all the people watching him, just to thank everyone with a deep bow. His unexpected smiles, his gloved fingers pointing here and there while he’s planning and calculating who knows what. The lightness of his warm-ups, the grace of his cool-downs. When you watch him practice, it’s like watching a painter create a masterpiece right in front of you: his (sometimes bizarre) rituals, his methods, some surprises, the development of his work – art coming to life stroke by stroke, bit by bit: and you realize how big the privilege is to witness greatness in the making. So, warm-up. Jumps. No spins (has Yuzu ever done a spin in any practice?). Run-through. Other jumps. And then. He has just tried a new sequence for the free skate, 3A3A; so, when he skates in my direction, I think that he will try that sequence again: oh yes, he’s preparing an Axel. Then he throws himself into the jump and pops it, landing heavily on two feet. Ouch, I hope it was not painful as it looked… he skates around the rink, then again in my direction. Does he want to try the Axel again? He throws himself into the jump and pops it, landing heavily on two feet… Wait. He’s not popping his jumps. He’s jumping like this on purpose. And he jumps so high. Okay, his Axels are always very high, but now he’s really taking off as if he wanted to touch the roof with his fingers! I turn to Lys and Giovanna, who sit behind me. We look at each other, knowingly. Yes. Yuzu is practicing the 4A. As if he wanted to confirm what we’re thinking, he throws himself into the jump again, but this time he doesn’t pop it: he rotates it. One rotation, two, three, four… he lands before completing the last half turn, crashing on the ice. A collective gasp runs through the audience, someone screams, I grab and squeeze Lys’ calf in my hands. Oh God, Yuzu, stop it. Oh no, Yuzu, don’t stop it, let me see it again. No no no, on the contrary, don’t do it, be careful. Well, be careful but try once again… and he tries: another jump, under rotated as well, another fall. The audience is hypnotized. Someone shouts, someone cries, but it sounds like nobody could break the silence surrounding Yuzu. He seems alone now, as if no skater was in the rink but him. He skates in my direction again, and I count every second, one two three four five, until he jumps again. One rotation, two, three, four… and a half. Four and a half. Then he lands and crash on the ice again. But he made it. He has just jumped a quad Axel.

And the Palavela explodes. Shouts, cries, applause, people standing, people frozen in their seats, people scared, people happy, people who don’t fully understand what happened, but we all sense the truth: today, we were so lucky to witness history in the making. The practice is over, and Yuzu exits the rink followed by the loudest applause ever – and the longest too: our jubilation began way before he took his bows. When he disappears, everybody starts talking about his 4A. Someone’s almost mad at him (“I hope his mom is going to slap some sense into him!”), someone’s reverently astonished (“Have you seen the height of that quad? How much it was, about 95 centimetres?”), we all look on the edge of a nervous breakdown. It was supposed to be a quiet day, wasn’t it? But we should have known better than this. Because it’s Yuzu, and Yuzu always wants to climb higher walls, to aim for wider goals; to go beyond the horizon of what is possible for us, normal human beings. And this is one of the reasons why he is who he is; this is one of the reasons why we love him so much. There are winners, but he’s a champion. There are athletes, but he’s a history maker. And I left the Palavela with tears in my eyes, vibrant love in my heart.

THE YUZU CHRONICLES IN TURIN – DAY FOUR: FREE SKATE

So here I am, not really ready for… how should I call it? The showdown? Maybe. Who are the main characters in this fight, though? Yuzu and Nathan? Yuzu and the judges, more likely. And I’m not sure it’s going to be a fair fight. No matter if the knight in his shining armour has a marvellous sword made of an outstanding technical value and of wonderful components: his opponent can be petty and play dirty, and only in fairy-tales Good always triumphs over Evil. The free skate is about to begin. The morning has been long and tiring already: we all had to queue in the dark and in the cold before Yuzu’s practice at 7 am (thank God I met some friends, like Petra and Astrid, so that I could talk a bit and I didn’t have to queue by myself, alone and anxious), then there was a collective scream when Ghislain made his appearance in the arena (he’s here! He’s here! FINALLY!!), then… well, then there was Yuzu’s practice, and watching Yuzu live is always an unique experience, no matter what he’s doing: it’s like when you’re a child and for the first time you see something unknown which surprises and bewitches you – Peter Pan is on stage and Tink is going to die, unless you clap your hands and shout: “ I do believe in fairies!”, full of emotions and on the brim of tears… After the practice I went home, walked my dogs, worked a bit: everything just to keep anxiety at bay. Now I should be tired, and probably I am; but I’m too nervous, and I have too much adrenaline running in my blood, to feel tired. I just want to see Yuzu skate. I just want to see Yuzu happy with his performance. I just want to see Yuzu win? Of course: because I want him to be happy, and I know how important for his happiness it is to win; because he’s the best skater in the whole world, and I’d like him to be acknowledged as the king he is. But CAN he win? I’m afraid not. I’m afraid that he can win only if Nathan falls, more than one time and quite hard: not just with his hands or his knee on the ice, but with his whole body… is that what I want? Do I really want Nathan to fail so badly? I wish I could instantly say: no, of course I don’t want it. But I must confess that I can’t, and I hate this unfair scoring system for this reason too: because it awakens the darkest part of me, and pulls out of me my worst feelings and thoughts. I’ve seen so many figure skating competitions, and I’ve always hoped that all the skaters could skate clean – may the best win! Since the 2018-2019 skating season, though, as the new scoring system showed more and more its limits and its unfairness, I found out how hard it is for me to go beyond my own limits, to be fair and good. So, while I’m waiting for the skaters to make their appearance in the arena, I try to think “May the best win”, but I’m not convinced. Nathan, I’m sorry, but could you please fall? Not too hard, okay, but could you undoubtedly, unquestionably fall? Or at least make several obvious mistakes, so that the so-called judges can see who’s the real king of figure skating? Oh, God, I hate myself. I have no time to blame myself, though: the music signalling the beginning of the competition suddenly resounds in the whole arena, louder than ever, and the lights go down. While the speaker is announcing what we’re about to see, there’s a collective start: the skaters are gathered just outside the rink. In the dim light I can’t tell who’s who, I just see some distant heads, but I recognise Yuzu immediately. I can’t see his features very well, but I could recognise him even if he was amongst a thousand people in the dark.  The simple way he stands is so peculiar. So elegant. And when he enters the rink for the warm-up and bows to the audience, he looks so noble and proud: he’s aware that all eyes are on him, all hearts are with him. Is this awareness giving him strength? Or is it a burden? In a moment like this, when there’s so much at stake for him, I would like – I would need – how I should behave to help him as much as possible. Screaming his name until I lose my voice? Clapping my hands politely and nothing more? If only I could know the answer; if only I could be of use for you, Yuzu… …and the warm-up is over. Already? Yes, already. And I cannot watch the first four skaters, not really, because I’m waiting for Yuzu, and skater after skater my heart beats faster and my hands get sweaty and cold. I’m so full of fear, and anticipation, and love. May the best win: may Yuzu win. And there he is. So handsome that watching him I feel my eyes burn like when I try and look at the sun. May Yuzu win. So dear to my heart that I want to see him but somehow I can’t stand seeing him, so I put a hand on my eyes and watch him through my fingers, just like a child watching a scary movie. May Yuzu win… 4Lo: perfect. 4Lz: perfect as well. 3Lz: perfect again. 4S: per-fect… I’m watching the competition live so I can’t see how the judges are scoring each element of Yuzu’s skate, and I don’t know whether it’s a blessing or a curse; anyway, so far he’s been outstanding, the judges have to give him very high GOE… 4T+euler+3F. Step out, maybe the 3F was a bit under rotated? Come on, Yuzu. 4T+…2T. He’s tired. But the quad was fantastic. Come on, Yuzu, you can do it, only the sequence 3A+3A is missing… alright, here comes his trademark, the counter back, and then… single Axel. Okay Yuzu, it’s okay, just go on, go on! Last spin. Final pose – and Yuzu can’t take it anymore, he’s so tired that the final pose lasts for less than one second, then he puts his arms and forehead on the ice, gasping for air. This is not an asthma attack, right? For a moment, I gasp for air too. Then Yuzu stands up, and bows to the audience, and I go wild like everyone else here, I scream, I cry, I throw my Winnie the Pooh on the ice, I clap my hand, I lose any awareness of myself – lost as I am in Yuzu, burning with pride and emotion. Yuzu, you made it. Five, five perfect quads, and one was that fated 4Lz. Okay, your skate wasn’t completely clean, but it was so special, and so much more than a simple “skate”: it was so full of humanity, and struggle, and glory. It wasn’t just a performance: it was a tale, and how beautifully you told it. How unforgettably.

Yuzu and Ghislain sit in the Kiss&Cry forever. Considering that picking up all the Poohs took a long while, it’s clear that the judges are having trouble with Yuzu’s score. Why? Why? The first answer coming to my mind flows directly out of the worst part of me: because they are probably looking for elements they can underscore. Oh no, please, no… “The score, please,” the speaker says. And here it is. 194 points. Technical score, 100.36; PCS, 93.64. This is not a score. This is a joke, and I can’t stand it anymore. Because I know, I simply know that Nathan will not only win, but he will set a new world record, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the judges give him higher PCS than Yuzu’s. I’m sorry, usually I’m not so mean; right now, though, I just can’t sit here, be polite and show any kind of sportsmanship. Those so-called judges have just humiliated the most amazing person in the whole world, and I can’t stay here and watch them play their foul game anymore. So I stand up and run out, and to hell this competition and its rules and everything. As soon as I’m in the hallway, I meet other people: some Asian women who don’t want to talk, and two girls from Los Angeles. They’re even angrier than me, and for the three of us it’s a bit soothing to share our indignation and to spit out all the rage we are feeling. If only our rage could be useful, somehow… it isn’t, though: in a few minutes we get to know that, of course, Nathan won, and that, of course, he set a new world record. So I was right, and I couldn’t be less proud of my foresight. Waiting for the victory ceremony is hard. As my friend Jacqueline and I queue at a café, rage gets less and less burning, turning into a heavy burden of bitterness. Will there ever be a way out of this shameful situation? A squad of incompetent (corrupted? Hopefully not) judges, an International Union doing nothing to promote fair competing and judging, and Yuzuru paying the biggest price. The whole queue, the whole Palavela is talking about it, but what for? We can’t change anything. We can only go back to our seats and cheer for Yuzu, make him feel how much we are proud of what he has achieved today – because that’s the truth: no matter how much the judges underscore him, no matter how many times they make him lose a competition, he’s the greatest skater of all time. It’s his technique that coaches refer to when they need to teach their skaters how to do a perfect jump/spin/transition; it’s him the one who always tries new combinations, new moves; it’s him who forced the ISU to change the rules in order to keep up with his greatness; it’s him who yesterday – just yesterday! – showed us that the 4A is possible. Only. Him. Time for the victory ceremony. And what a weird ceremony is this one. Not a single clap for any representative of any skating association, from ISU to the Italian Federation. People clap their hands for Kevin and Nathan, that’s it. For Yuzu, instead… for Yuzu, there’s an acclamation. This is not only a tribute to what he did here: this is a declaration of love and, at the same time, a battle cry. Yes, Yuzu, we love you, and we stand by you, and we will fight as much as we can to make those “experts” - those idiots who presume they have the right to judge you and humiliate you – acknowledge your magnificence. Our battle cry is so loud and never ending that Yuzu himself is astonished, overwhelmed, and points to Nathan as if he was saying “Thank you, but look, he’s the winner”. You are right, Yuzu: Nathan is the winner, yes.  In our hearts, though, you won  so much more than a competition. You came here, you fought your limits and fears (the 4A, the 4Lz, 5 quads plus transitions plus skating skill plus musicality plus grace), and you prevailed. You’re not only a king: you are a warrior king. The arena is full of signs with the writing “Unfair judgment”. For the first time at a competition, I hear boos from the audience. Okay, Yuzu. Let the battle start.

THE YUZU CHRONICLES IN TURIN – DAY FIVE: NOTTE STELLATA

It’s 9.30 a.m. and the Pellerina looks peaceful and welcoming. It’s a big park in western Turin, and I came here with my dogs to find some rest. After four days of Grand Prix – four days of Yuzu – I feel like a kaleidoscope: full of whirling colours, hypnotic spirals, and surprising patterns. It’s amazing, but it’s exhausting too. There are three ponds here, a big river and so many trees, and birds. I think you’d like the Pellerina, Yuzu; maybe you’d like all of my town. Its numerous parks, the long tree-lined avenues, the creamy colour of its buildings from the XVIIth and XVIIIth century. I would have loved to be your guide, allowing you to take a break from the mad, unfair competition that this GPF has been. I can’t even start to imagine how much tired you are, and it would have been nice to take you out – it would have been magic to see you here, walking under the trees, looking at the ducks in the ponds, smiling while my dogs play and run freely… but you prefer to stay at the Palavela, don’t you? Walking around the rink where Plushenko won in 2006, looking at the Olympic rings on the wall, chatting with your fellow skaters. Are you rehearsing for the gala? I hope you’re having fun. I check my watch: 10.15; it’s time to go. The gala will begin at 2 p.m., but I want to get to the arena at about 12 and spend some quality time with my friends. Actually, surviving the rollercoaster of this GPF would have been much harder, without all the lovely fanyus around me. Yesterday, after the medal ceremony, some members of our fan group met at the Edea stand inside the Palavela; it was so crowded and narrow and noisy, but ranting all together about the judges, praising Yuzu and taking pictures were exactly the things I needed to forget my sadness for a while, to turn my anger into good energy. Then Jacqueline and I went to Eataly, a famous restaurant and supermarket, and drank our bitterness away, turning quickly from being fans to being friends (and a bit drunk). Then… Eleonora, Petra, Linda, Shuko, Rory, Mara, Astrid, Barbara, and many others with whom I talked so much, inside and outside the Palavela, and stuck together through hope and rage, pain and love. Paolo, my faithful travelling (on many subway trains) companion. Lys and Carolina, who spent countless hours talking and crying and hugging and laughing and cursing with me. All the unknown fanyus in the audience, when we melted into one body with thousands of voices to scream out loud our love for Yuzu. It was a treat, and an honour, to meet so many beautiful people, and I know that as soon as the gala is over – as soon as I say good-bye to them all – I will feel empty, somehow, and alone. I drive back home, feed my dogs, then I’m ready to go to the Palavela for the last time… for the last time? I can’t quite believe it: from tomorrow on, I won’t see Yuzu every day. This week has been tough, but so intense: the thrill of the competition, for sure, but most of all the spell that Yuzu put on anyone watching him. His commitment, the 4A, his beauty, the stunning comeback of the 4Lz… I’m bewitched. And I’m pampered too, now that I’m (almost) used to see him so often: me wants Yuzu every day! The queue is endless as usual – I wait for my turn, apologizing silently to all the people here for how very badly this event was organised – but finally I’m able to get in.  With other fanyus, I wonder which exhibition program Yuzu is going to skate: Haru Yo Koi? Yes, Yuzu must be so tired, he will rather skate something not too physically straining. Masquerade? Well, many of us would love to see it live… some time before the gala, though, we find out that he’s going to skate Notte Stellata. Oh yes, it makes sense: he’s in Italy, in an Olympic venue, of course he has chosen the Italian song he skated to in Pyeongchang. Now that I think of it, it’s always like that with Yuzu: we always try to guess what kind of music/program he will choose for the new season/an exhibition and he always surprises us, even though his choices are perfectly sensible. And I must confess that any choice would be great for me: I’m quite sure I could watch Yuzu doing cross-overs for half an hour and I wouldn’t get bored. Notte Stellata… I never saw it live. Will it be an experience as strong as it was seeing Haru Yo Koi in Helsinki? Yes, it is. So much that, after seeing it, I will forget all the other performances. So much that, while seeing it, I cry. Usually I’m not the crying kind, but watching Yuzu float like a swan on a frozen lake brings tears to my eyes. Yesterday, after the free skate, a friend of mine wrote me this message: “Each movement seems to take him beyond the limits of his human body and to emanate grace and elegance, filling your eyes and lingering in the air even as he glides into a new step”. I also think of what the Olympic commentator said about this program: “With one delayed single Axel and one triple Axel, Yuzuru Hanyu, double gold medallist, just gave a masterclass on what figure skating actually is”. Yes, that’s what figure skating actually is. Going beyond one’s physical limits on a quest for grace, elegance, and beauty. Giving goose-bumps and tears to each and every witness of this travel from what’s known to the unknown, from sport to art. What figure skating actually is, is Yuzuru Hanyu. His last spin goes on and on, even if there’s not music anymore, just like Yuzu will go on and on: in our memory, in our heart, in the history as well as in the future of this sport. And while I scream at the top of my lungs, and clap my shaking hands, I thank Yuzu: for these five days in Turin. For how alive and privileged I’ve felt. For showing me that there can be greatness even in defeat. Ganbatte for Japan Championships and for the rest of your skating season, Yuzu, but don’t worry: somehow, you are always, always, the winner.

--written by Alessandra Montrucchio (in Yuzuru Hanyu International Fan Group on FB), re-posted here with her permission. Pics belong to original owners.

[lemmynizzl]

U ain't boyfriend, boyfriend

I ain't your girlfriend, girlfriend

But I don't you to see nobody else and I don't want you to see no body .....

Baby we just didn't love , baby we were pushed on to show

Baby I'm a Trainwreck too

I lose my mind when it comes to you

Loving you sometimes drive .... Neither can you .. I ain't your boyfriend , boyfriend and you ain't girlfriend , girlfriend but I don't want you to see nobody else and I don't want you to see nobody.

Yo, so this was ariana's song that went on crazily in my head guys!!!

Now!!!

And your gonna gear me roaoooooor Roaaaaaar , Roaaaaaar , roar.

I got life of a tiger , lion dancing through the fire and I'm the chance girl..... Hear me roar

That's Katy's yes , busy in American idol and being new mom and now here me messing up with the lyrics. What to do songs in my head. So what I was saying was , no actually I didn't start saying anything in the first place. What was the purpose of writing ahh?? Undetermined.

I read a book called The People's act of love by James Meek yes!!! It's quite intense, well written , and tooo complicated fir my little head. It's surrounded in late 1917s , post first World war in yazsky ( forgive me if spellings wrong) in Siberia and also people believe in throwing away their key to hell and beliefs in God and all , atheist and everything. Most importantly cannibalism, yeah that's there. And also a hopeless woman trying to find a man after here husband's castration and moving to living hell of Siberia. Her name is quite interesting, Ana petrovna. Yeah I forgot that's all in Russia and chess people a Jew lover and military officer, Mutz ... And blah blah.... It's intense, people really intense with awesome plot and mind-blowing structure of events. Samarin's the intresting guy there, who has Enigmatic charisma, manipulative, and has powere of putting sorting many stories into one. U know that intimidating person , who can just enter your mind and take out the information he wants. Well he's my favourite but unfortunately he also ends up being castrated ufff..

I apologise guys cuz you could have gotten a better review of the book somewhere else but I here somewhat ruined it . Whatever. It was running in my head so I had write it.

My phone is running out of battery, it's gonna die soon and I gotta a medicine to take and so I leave.

#thoughtswithlemmynizzl

#whateverwirhlemmynizzl

I really don't know what tags to put , I'm soo hopeless

People are less active here I see, it's kinda boring even Im not that active . Umm... I'm new here . Please support me and I love you anyone who sees it.

Bye.