#Sammy Engramer

[rbolick]

Review of "COUP DE DÉS (COLLECTION)"

[totentnz]

memory loss story arc but its johnny getting back his body (or a new one idc) but he has no recollection of the time he spent with v 🫡

[garadinervi]

Sammy Engramer, Un Coup de dés jamais n’abolira le hasard – Wave, Éditions Laura Delamonade, 2010, Edition of 500. Recorded in Apenburg (Sachsen-Anhalt), on March 4, 2009

[unclescurvy]

2019 Fantasy Football Cheat Sheet

QB

12 Patrick Mahomes (KC)

- 

7 Ben Roethlisberger (PIT)

10 Deshawn Watson (HOU)

11 Aaron Rodgers (GB)

9 Matt Ryan (ATL)

9 Jared Goff (LAR)

7 Cam Newton (CAR)

9 Drew Brees (NO)

6 Andrew Luck (IND-INJ)

 -

10 Carson Wentz (PHI)

11 Russell Wilson (SEA)

12 Philip Rivers (LAC)

6 Mitch Trubisky (CHI)

7 Jameis Winston (TB)

7 Baker Mayfield (CLE)

12 Kirk Cousins (MIN)

10 Tom Brady (NE)

6 Josh Allen (BUF)

4 Sam Darnold (NYJ)

8 Dak Prescott (DAL)

9 Andy Dalton (CIN)

10 Nick Foles (JAX)

4 Jimmy Garoppolo (SF)

10 Joe Flacco (DEN)

11 Eli Manning (NYG)

6 Derek Carr (OAK)

5 Matt Stafford (DET)

 -

8 Lamar Jackson (BAL)

11 Marcus Mariota (TEN)

12 Kyler Murray (ARZ)

5 Ryan Fitzpatrick (MIA)

10 Case Keenum (WAS)

 -

10 Dwayne Haskins (WAS)

5 Josh Rosen (MIA)

6 Jacoby Brissett (IND)

11 Ryan Tannehill (TEN)

9 Taysom Hill (NO)

4 Nick Mullens (SF)

-

RB

11 Saquon Barkley (NYG)

7 Christian McCaffrey (CAR)

9 Alvin Kamara (NO)

 -

7 James Conner (PIT)

4 Le’Veon Bell (NYJ)

 -

10 Leonard Fournette (JAX)

7 Nick Chubb (CLE)

 -

11 Derrick Henry (TEN)

12 David Johnson (ARZ)

9 Todd Gurley (LAR-INJ?)

9 Devonta Freeman (ATL)

8 Ezekiel Elliott (DAL-HOLDOUT?)

9 Joe Mixon (CIN)

10 Phillip Lindsay (DEN)

10 Sony Michel (NE)

12 Melvin Gordon (LAC-HOLDOUT?)

 -

8 Mark Ingram (BAL)

11 Chris Carson (SEA)

12 Dalvin Cook (MIN)

6 David Montgomery (CHI)

5 Kerryon Johnson (DET)

6 Marlon Mack (IND)

12 Damien Williams (KC)

6 Josh Jacobs (OAK)

11 Aaron Jones (GB)

6 Tarik Cohen (CHI)

10 Lamar Miller (HOU)

 -

6 LeSean McCoy (BUF)

10 Derrius Guice (WAS-INJ?)

7 Ronald Jones (TB)

10 Miles Sanders (PHI)

10 Duke Johnson (HOU)

5 Kalen Ballage (MIA)

12 Austin Ekeler (LAC)

5 Kenyan Drake (MIA-INJ)

 -

10 James White (NE)

4 Tevin Coleman (SF)

10 Jordan Howard (PHI)

10 Adrian Peterson (WAS)

4 Jerick McKinnon (SF-INJ)

11 Rashaad Penny (SEA)

10 Chris Thompson (WAS)

7 Kareem Hunt (CLE-SUS 8)

4 Matt Brieda (SF)

6 Mike Davis (CHI)

7 Peyton Barber (TB)

9 Giovani Bernard (CIN)

6 Nyheim Hines (IND)

11 Dion Lewis (TEN)

9 Latavius Murray (NO)

9 Darrell Henderson (LAR)

8 Tony Pollard (DAL)

7 Jaylen Samuels (PIT)

4 Ty Montgomery (NYJ)

12 Justin Jackson (LAC)

12 Carlos Hyde (KC)

10 Royce Freeman (DEN)

11 Jamaal Williams (GB-INJ?)

6 Frank Gore (BUF)

8 Gus Edwards (BAL)

10 Devontae Booker (DEN)

9 Ito Smith (ATL)

12 Ameer Abdullah (MIN)

6 Jalen Richard (OAK)

9 Malcolm Brown (LAR)

-

WR

10 DeAndre Hopkins (HOU)

11 Davante Adams (GB)

9 Julio Jones (ATL)

9 Michael Thomas (NO)

7 Mike Adams (TB)

 -

7 Odell Beckham, Jr. (CLE)

7 JuJu Smith-Schuster (PIT)

6 T.Y. Hilton (IND)

12 Keenan Allen (LAC-INJ)

12 Tyreek Hill (KC – SUS? TRADE?)

6 Antonio Brown (OAK-INJ)

12 Adam Theilen (MIN)

9 Cooper Kupp (LAR)

 -

10 Julian Edelman (NE-INJ?)

9 Brandin Cooks (LAR)

12 Stefon Diggs (MIN)

5 Kenny Golladay (DET)

9 A.J. Green (CIN-INJ 3)

7 Chris Godwin (TB)

12 Mike Williams (LAC)

9 Tyler Boyd (CIN)

8 Amari Cooper (DAL)

9 Robert Woods (LAR)

 -

10 Will Fuller (HOU)

7 D.J. Moore (CAR)

9 Calvin Ridley (ATL)

6 Allen Robinson (CHI)

7 Jarvis Landry (CLE)

11 Tyler Lockett (SEA)

10 Alshon Jeffery (PHI)

10 Courtland Sutton (DEN)

5 Marvin Jones (DET)

11 Sterling Shepard (NYG-INJ)

10 Emmanuel Sanders (DEN-INJ)

12 Sammy Watkins (KC)

 -

11 Marquez Valdes-Scantling (GB)

10 Desean Jackson (PHI)

4 Robby Anderson (NYJ)

12 Christian Kirk (ARZ)

7 Curtis Samuel (CAR)

10 Nelson Agholor (PHI)

4 Jamison Crowder (NYJ)

4 Dante Pettis (SF)

6 Devin Funchess (IND)

10 Dede Westbrook (JAX)

10 Keke Coutee (HOU-INJ)

10 Josh Gordon (NE-SUS)

6 Tyrell Williams (OAK)

8 Randall Cobb (DAL)

10 Chris Conley (JAX)

6 John Brown (BUF)

5 DeVante Parker (MIA)

12 Larry Fitzgerald (ARZ)

10 Trey Quinn (WAS)

11 Golden Tate (NYG-SUS 4)

4 Deebo Samuel (SF)

8 Michael Gallup (DAL)

9 Tre’Quan Smith (NO)

6 Anthony Miller (CHI)

11 Corey Davis (TEN)

7 James Washington (PIT)

11 D.K. Metcalf (SEA)

7 Donte Moncrief (PIT)

4 Quincy Enunwa (NYJ)

9 Mohammed Sanu (ATL)

7 Breshad Perriman (TB)

5 Kenny Stills (MIA)

12 Demarcus Robinson (KC)

8 Marquise Brown (BAL-INJ?)

10 Paul Richardson (WAS)

11 Adam Humphries (TEN)

-

TE

12 Travis Kelce (KC)

10 Zach Ertz (PHI)

4 George Kittle (SF)

 6 Eric Ebron (IND)

9 Jared Cook (NO)

7 O.J. Howard (TB)

11 Evan Engram (NYG)

 7 Vance McDonald (PIT)

12 Hunter Henry (LAC)

10 Jordan Reed (WAS)

11 Delanie Walker (TEN)

11 Jimmy Graham (GB)

 8 Mark Andrews (BAL)

7 Greg Olsen (CAR)

11 Will Dissly (SEA)

6 Trey Burton (CHI)

12 Kyle Rudolph (MIN)

8 Jason Witten (DAL)

10 Dallas Goedert (PHI)

9 Austin Hooper (ATL)

7 David Njoku (CLE)

-

7 Cameron Brate (TB)

6 Darren Waller (OAK)

9 Tyler Eifert (CIN)

10 Noah Fant (DEN)

5 T.J. Hockenson (DET)

6 Mo Alie-Cox (IND)

10 Matt LaCosse (NE)

5 Mike Gesicki (MIA)

-

K

8 Justin Tucker (BAL)

9 Greg Zuerlein (LAR)

9 Will Lutz (NO)

10 Stephen Gostkowski (NE)

 -

10 Ka’imi Fairbairn (HOU)

12 Harrison Butker (KC)

12 Kaare Vedvick (MIN)

11 Aldrick Rosas (NYG)

11 Mason Crosby (GB)

8 Brett Maher (DAL)

11 Jason Myers (SEA)

9 Giorgio Tavecchio (ATL)

12 Michael Badgley (LAC)

 -

12 Zane Gonzalez (ARZ)

6 Stephen Hauschka (BUF)

7 Graham Gano (CAR)

6 Eddy Piniero (CHI)

9 Randy Bullock (CIN)

7 Austin Seibert (CLE)

10 Brandon McManus (DEN)

5 Matt Prater (DET)

6 Adam Vinitieri (IND)

10 Josh Lambo (JAX)

12 Ty Long (LAC)

5 Jason Sanders (MIA)

6 Daniel Carlson (OAK)

10 Jake Elliott (PHI)

7 Chris Boswell (PIT)

7 Matthew McCrane (PIT)

4 Robbie Gould (SF)

4 Jon Brown (SF)

7 Cairo Santos (TB)

7 Matt Gay (TB)

11 Ryan Succop (TEN)

10 Dustin Hopkins (WAS)

4 Taylor Bertolet (NYJ)

-

DEF

6 Chicago

 -

9 LA Rams

7 Cleveland

10 Jacksonville

12 LA Chargers

10 Houston

12 Kansas City

 -

5 Miami

10 Denver

4 NY Jets

12 Minnesota

11 Seattle

7 Pittsburgh

10 New England

10 Washington

9 New Orleans

8 Baltimore

9 Cincinnati

[itsthekidchameleon-blog]

Gronk’s Basement Week 1/2 Recap

WHAT IS UP fellas. Alright so here’s the deal. ESPN ruined it’s platform and I’ve been forced to find a new method for posts. Super unhappy about it. For however many years I’ve been working the same shitty platform, trying to be funny, and it’s worked to some degree. I am all out of sorts now and I am going to try something new. The new platform won’t even allow you to post a video or a link. I think this tumblr is something the kids are using these days so I am giving it a shot. Seems pretty sweet so far. No idea if it will work but let’s give it a whirl.

Before I get into the action, I would like to start off by ranking the 2019 team names. If you did not change the name of your team, you tied for last and I hate you.

KT, Tuck, Ease, Macero, Pickett, hate you all, change your team names.

Tight End Luvr 87 - God I miss Gronk.

Purple Cobras - Doug went with a classic movie team name and I don’t hate it. Doug I hope you walk into every NFL Sunday watching location doing this:

Gronk’s Nation Can’t Hang at CF - Steve, I have absolutely NO fucking clue what is happening here. First, this isn’t Gronk’s Nation, it’s the damn basement. Second, CF? CrossFit? Cumberland Farms? Central Falls? Where you going with this name? Need some explanation, please elaborate.

Nuts on the Table - Great name, if this was 2018. Get a new thing Jmart. Also we all know there’s not enough room on the table for your giant disgusting nuts because you already filled the table with 48 empty beer cans.

Devil Without a Koz - DIGGING THIS ONE! A great reference to a timeless classic by Kid Rock. Is it also a nod to the big G-O-D for welcoming Koz into the family? Now that Koz is Jew-no-more, he’s throwing his Kippah in the air, praising the big guy upstairs and shunning the Devil. Koz, little tip from a lifetime Catholic: You only need to go to church once a year (or just tell people you do) and as long as you donate a little money when you do, you’ll get into heaven. Don’t buy into the every Sunday going to church hoopla.

The Vaginas - Honestly do not know if I love or hate this one. I will cut Branch some slack, he’s had a lot on his plate lately so a new team name was probably the least of his worries. So he did the least creative thing he could do and kept his yearly vaginal efforts on par and named his team, The Vaginas. Such a guru move.

Gay Lords - Govey is gay, Lord Jeff’s, all that stuff. Not giving the rest of the league much to say about him here by just admitting to what we’ve been saying all along. I can appreciate the humility here. Well done Gov.

Now I will jump right into the action with some recaps. I may not get to every game due to time/lack of fuck’s to give.

Week 1

**Jmart vs Hurley - **well here we have an ex-roommate battle. For those of you who don’t know, Jmart and I do not live together anymore. He up and moved to San Diego one day, it was the strangest thing. I came home from work one day and all his shit was gone, and all he left was a note on the kitchen table that said he had to go see about a girl.

At any rate, I refuse to let Lamar Jackson help me to a win for the first time in two weeks (foreshadowing) and started Carson Wentz. Losing Tyreek Hill killed me really. Jmart had a pretty solid outing with 16 points from Steven Gostkowski and 31.6 from the Goat, ultimately beating me by less than 8 points.

Branch vs KT - Well this was an absolute slug fest. Branch had 36.7 from DeSean Watson, Jacobs rumbled for 23.8, and Barkley with 16, but he fell just shy of KT’s performances including 38 from McCaffrey, 33 from Mahomes, and 28.4 from Derrick Henry. KT certainly has some studs on his team and will be a tough out this year. KT notches one in the win column and the GURU one in the W.

Keach vs Koz - This one was not even close. Koz notched his first weekly points prize of $25 throwing up 151.7 with strong performances from Mark Ingram scoring 22.7, his random tight end Mark Andrews who added 20.8, another 30 from Bell and Fournette and Alshon scoring 19.6 to top it off. Keach had strong weeks from Keenan Allen who fucked me all year last year, as well as David Johnson and Emmanuel Sanders, but not too much to show from anyone else including a dud from his kicker.

Govey vs Hammy - Hammy of course took his boy Dak and boy did it pay off as he scored 41.4 week one. Relatively modest weeks from everyone else except Harry Butker who scored 17, Steven racked up 119.6. Govey’s team struggled to get much going with the only notable performances coming from Kamara with 20.4 and Tyrell Williams with 19.5. Look for Govey to make some moves to shake things up!

**Tucker vs Pickett **- Pretty close matchup here with each team having some really down weeks from their QB’s. Cam Newton absolutely is a shell of himself and only scored 5.4 points. Jared Goff struggled across the field from him only gaining 11.4. It was performances from Dalvin Cook and Evan Engram that gave Tuck the win over Pickett here, as Pick’s team struggled to get anything going from anyone but Delanie Walker and Austin Ekeler and Amari Cooper.

Macero vs Easley - Ees, Eeees, I don’t want to butcher your name man is it, Eas-i-lee? Fucking Scal! Anyway this was a low scoring match between one perennial contender and a guy who loves trying to sabotage this league with bad roster moves. Easley’s team got 22.6 from Matty Ice and 15.5 from Damien Williams but not too much from the rest of his NFC dominant team. Macero started Melvin Gordon who doesn’t plan to play till November. I can’t sit here and say it ultimately lost him the game given that although he only lost by 4.5 points, three out of the six options on his bench scored less than that. BUT he did have Sammy Watkins on his bench who scored 42.5 points, but that is what you get when you start players who are not playing.

Thought 1: Fuck I forgot how much work this is.

Thought 2: Really hope this tumblr shit saves and works.

Thought 3: Had a dream last night I was training Carson Wentz in some footwork drills, except he looked like John Mulholland. I love this shit so much I do it in my sleep.

Week 2 - gonna be a bit shorter

Hurley vs Guru - Again, I sat Jackson at QB and it bit me in the ass. Note to self: Start Lamar Jackson. Branch got a modest win with 83.5 points with solid weeks from his Vagina stars Barkley, Brown and Jacobs. My team needs help but I am not panicking yet.

Branch is 1-0, I am 0′for.

**Keach vs KT - **This one wasn’t very close. Mahomes scored 39.6, Tyler Boyd with 17.2, Derrick Henry with another strong week, KT cruised past Keach who rolled with the Baker Mayfield which net him 17. Honorable mentions: Sanders and Chubb totaling 40 points. Keach falls to 0-2, KT is undefeated.

Jmart vs Koz - Koz, love ya buddy and sorry I couldn’t make it to your bachelor party but I will let you know that if I wasn’t in front of my TV wearing my Gronk jersey the Pats D may not have scored 40, which helped you get another $25 weekly points prize. You’re welcome. This was a slaughtering and Mark Andrews once again showed out with 21.2. Jmart had a decent week with 28.7 from the GOAT but just barely broke the 100 point mark. Koz is 2-0, Jmart 1-1.

Tuck vs Macero - Actually a pretty tight game here. Cam Newton once again sucked, and the 26.6 from Dalvin Cook couldn’t help Tuck’s team past Macero, despite Macero losing Brees early on. A strong showing from Odell on Monday night pushed Macero past Tucker here pushing both teams to 1-1.

Govey vs Pickett - Another blowout as Govey is learning why the ‘stache may not have been such a hot pick after all. 18.4 from Rodgers, 13.1 from Tyrell Williams and 13 from the Houston D and Govey barely broke 90 points. Pickett’s team notched 125.4 behing Julio Jones and Austin Ekeler. Pickett is 1-1, Govey is 0-2.

[newsfact]

Fantasy Injury Updates: Latest news on Julio Jones, Tyreek Hill, Allen Robinson, more WRs impacting Week 7 start-sit calls

Several key WRs have already been ruled out for Week 7 (Antonio Brown, T.Y. Hilton, Kadarius Toney, Kenny Golladay, Curtis Samuel, Sammy Watkins), and several more (Julio Jones, Tyreek Hill, Sterling Shepard, Allen Robinson, DeVante Parker) are “questionable.” Waiting for the latest injury updates inevitably causes start ’em, sit ’em headaches, especially in a heavy bye week, but it looks like fantasy football owners will have to sweat out at least a few of these wide receivers until the official active/inactive reports are released. 

We’ll be updating this article with the latest injury news throughout the day on Sunday. For the latest on ailing RBs Damien Williams, Antonio Gibson, D’Andre Swift, and Sony Michel, go here; for more on banged-up TEs Darren Waller, T.J. Hockenson, and Evan Engram, click here; for news on Alex Collins, go here; for the Week 7 weather forecast, click here. For all the latest fantasy news, follow us on Twitter @SN_Fantasy.

WEEK 7 FANTASY: Sleepers | Busts | Start ’em, sit ’em

Is Julio Jones playing in Week 7?

Jones (hamstring) didn’t practice Wednesday but was a limited participant on Thursday and Friday. He’s “questionable” for Sunday’s game against the Chiefs.

If Jones plays, the decision to start or sit him depends on if you like to take risks. The matchup almost couldn’t be better, and this game has shootout potential. However, we’ve seen him leave two games early and miss two games this season. He’s not 100 percent, and Tennessee is being extremely cautious with the seasoned vet. They aren’t against yanking him out of the game after the first drive if they feel like they need to. It’s a coin flip here, but the upside is undeniable.

If he’s out, A.J. Brown should be in line for a monster game. He flashed in the second half against the Bills, catching seven passes for 91 yards, so maybe it’s time for him to get back to elite status. You can’t really count on any other Titans’ pass-catchers, but Nick Westbrook-Ikhine would make some sense as a flex if Jones is out.

WEEK 7 STANDARD RANKINGS: Quarterback | Running back | Wide receiver | Tight end | D/ST | Kicker

Is Tyreek Hill playing in Week 7?

UPDATE: ESPN’s Adam Schefter reported late Saturday night that Hill is expected to play against Tennessee.

Hill (quad) did not practice on Wednesday or Thursday, but he got in a limited practice on Friday. He didn’t practice at all last week and was productive (9-76-1). The Chiefs are set to face the worst defense against fantasy WRs, so Hill easily has No. 1 overall WR upside this week in Tennessee.

If he can’t go, the case to start Mecole Hardman has never been stronger. Hardman has drawn 17 targets over the last two weeks, so his usage could be the best we’ve ever seen in Hill’s absence. Even if Hill can go, Hardman has flex appeal. Josh Gordon, Byron Pringle, and Demarcus Robinson would also be in play as flexes, but it’s tough to know how the Chiefs will distribute the ball beyond significant targets to TE Travis Kelce.

WEEK 7 PPR RANKINGS: Quarterback | Running back | Wide receiver | Tight end | D/ST | Kicker

Is Sterling Shepard playing in Week 7?

UPDATE: ESPN’s Adam Schefter reported late Saturday night that Shepard will be a game-time decision after testing his hamstring in pre-game warm-ups. Darius Slayton is expected to play, thouogh. 

Shepard (hamstring) was limited Thursday but reportedly suffered a setback during practice. Still, he took the practice field Friday in a limited capacity. He’s officially “questionable” heading into the matchup with Carolina and could be a legit game-time decision.

Darius Slayton (hamstring) had the same practice schedule as Shepard this week and is also “questionable.” Evan Engram (calf) was also limited this week. Kenny Golladay (knee) and Kadarius Toney (ankle) have already been ruled out.

The reality is this is a passing game to avoid with the exception of Shepard. He should dominate targets if he’s active, though Slayton would see a decent number, too, if he plays. If one or both are out, Dante Pettis and Collin Johnson would get looks, but it’s tough to trust either against a decent Panthers’ defense.

WEEK 7 DFS LINEUPS: DraftKings | FanDuel | Yahoo

Is Allen Robinson playing in Week 7?

UPDATE: ESPN Adam Schefter reported late Saturday night that Robinson is expected to play against Tampa.

Robinson (ankle) was out of practice on Wednesday before getting in limited sessions on Thursday and Friday. He’s “questionable” for the game against Tampa Bay, who boasts one of the worst pass defenses in football.

Robinson was on a similar practice schedule last week when he suited up, so we expect him to play again. If he’s active, he’s a solid starter given all the byes and injuries this week. If he’s out, Darnell Mooney would be a great WR3 option. Tampa Bay allows the seventh-most fantasy points per game WRs, and Richard Sherman (hamstring) has been ruled out. Their secondary was already thin before the Sherman news. Bears coach Matt Nagy has been conservative with Justin Fields, but against Tampa Bay, you have no choice but to pass early and often with how stout their run defense is. 

MORE WEEK 7 DFS: Best stacks | Best values | Lineup Builder

Is DeVante Parker playing in Week 7?

Parker (hamstring) was limited in practice all week and is officially “questionable” for Week 7 against Atlanta. This is a favorable matchup, but even if Parker is healthy, these hamstring issues can mightily affect a WR as we’ve seen numerous times this season.

That said, start Jaylen Waddle no matter what in your flex spot, as he hit the ground running in Tua Tagovailoa’s first game back from injury. If Parker plays, he’s a WR3/flex. If he’s out and Preston Williams (groin) plays, he’s also a flex.

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[pamplenews]

Week 1 : Waiver Wire, cheesehead à la mer !

Les one hit wonder, à vos risques et périls.

Peyton Barber, RB, Washington

A ce niveau de sa carrière, on sait exactement ce qu’il vaut, et c’est franchement pas très glamour. 2 TD qui lui gonflent ses stats de la semaine, mais même les opportunités près de l’embut ne devraient quand même pas lui permettre de répéter ce genre de performances tous les weekends, surtout vu son manque d’explosivité. Une fausse bonne idée.

Sur ce je laisse les inconnus l’emporter : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1_zaPfw-Wc&ab_channel=lesinconnusVEVO

Toujours en RB, méfiez vous aussi de Jerrick Mckinnon (49ers), Chase Edmunds (Cardinals) et Carlos Hyde (Seahawks). Leur production est entièrement dépendante d’un TD cette semaine et ça ne devrait pas changer car ils sont loin d’être des premiers choix dans leurs équipes respectives.

Robbie Anderson, WR, Panthers

Ca peut paraître un peu sévère de traiter la performance d’Anderson comme une anomalie, mais avec son passif dans la ligue on est en droit de s’attendre à des résultats inconsistants cette saison. De plus, entre sa réputation de deep threat et le fait que Teddy B ne soit pas un QB qui envoie la balle en profondeur, l’association des deux ne paraissait pas forcément évident. DJ Moore correspond plus au prototype du receveur de possession qui devrait développer une belle relation avec son nouveau QB.

Autres WR à la production gonflée par un TD: Valdez-Scantling et Lazard (Packers), Willie Snead (Ravens), Keelan Cole et Laviska Chenault (Jags). Le plus traître de la semaine Russel Gage (Falcons) n’a quasiment aucune chance cette saison de répéter un match à 12 targets dans une attaque saturée de talent comme celle des Falcons.

David Njoku, TE, Browns

Avant de me dire que je suis ouf et que je mets un TE qui a scoré que 11 points dans cette liste, je vous rappellerai bien que, avant les matchs de lundi soir, il est TE 5 sur la semaine. Alors oui c’est sévère de le mettre là dedans sachant qu’il a attrapé tous les ballons qui lui étaient destiné, mais le fait est là, il est encore sorti sur blessure…

Les autres TE dont je me méfierai quand à leur capacité de reproduire des performances similaires à celles de cette semaine : Jordan Atkins (Texans), Logan Thomas (Washington) et OJ Howard (Bucs). Sans TD ils n’apporteront aucune valeur ajoutée à votre équipe.

On les avait enterré un peu trop vite.

Darius Slayton, WR, Giants

Je vais l’avouer, quand je me suis mis en face de la télé avec le match Steelers - Giants, j’avais plus d’espoirs sur les receveurs en noir et jaune, mais le fait est là, JuJu a aimanté presque tous les targets ! Côté Giants avec les retours annoncés de Engram et Sheppard, personne ne voyait Slayton répéter sa bonne saison rookie. La réalité c’est qu’il a été ciblé 9 fois, souvent sur des downs décisifs et en red zone et qu’il a trouvé l’embut deux fois. La complicité développée avec Jones l’an dernier va payer, et s’il n’a pas un physique de numéro, il devrait compenser par le volume et une capacité à sortir des big play. Le coup de coeur de la semaine.

Jameson Crowder (Jets) qui apparaît être le seul à avoir un brin de confiance de la part de Darnold, ainsi que Sammy Watkins (Chiefs) prêt à s’engouffrer dans les espaces ouverts par Kelce et Hill et profitant de l’attaque à haut volume des Chiefs devraient nous proposer de bonnes saisons à condition de rester en bonne santé.

Adrian Peterson, RB, Lions

Je n’aurais jamais pensé mettre AP dans cette catégorie, dans une équipe des Lions qui a la lose dans la peau et avec un RBBC surchargé (Swift, Johnson), mais les faits sont là, il est toujours aussi affûté et absolument dévastateur dans ses courses. Un upside bien plus élevé que n’importe quel RB de son âge. Il ne sortira probablement plus de matchs à 30 pts, mais une dizaine de points toute les semaines avec un petit TD de temps en temps semble une projection toute à fait raisonnable pour n’importe quelle équipe en vraie dèche de RB.

Noah Fant, TE, Broncos

Un pick élevé l’an dernier pour John Elway, Fant n’avait pas trop eu l’occasion de prouver son talent avec tous les changements vécus par l’attaque des Broncos. 5 catchs sur 6 targets, 81 yards et un TD, mais surtout une vraie explosivité en démonstration ainsi que le fait qu’il peut agir en soupape de sécurité pour un jeune QB comme Drew Lock laissent présager de belles choses sur cette saison, surtout l’absence de Sutton vient à durer. Probablement plus qu’un coup d’un soir.

Deux autres TE avec un réel potentiel à participer au jeu de leur équipe plutôt que de n’être qu’une cible en red zone comme les grognards Olsen et Graham, Dallas Goddaert (Eagles) à l’avantage de jouer avec une équipe qui exploite 2 TE pour masquer ses faiblesse au poste de receveurs et TJ Hockenson qui devrait profiter du retour de Stafford pour enfin mériter son surnon de Baby Gronk.

Ils sortent de nulle part.

Malcolm Brown, RB, Rams

Un vétéran, il n’avait jamais semblé par le passé démontrer l’explosivité nécessaire pour s’imposer en tant que titulaire en NFL. Dimanche soir, il a clairement montré sa supériorité à ce stage de la saison sur le rookie Akers. Même si ses stats sont bien gonflées par 2 TD, il ne devrait pas lâcher sa place de RB1 tout de suite, et dans une attaque qui aime les courses comme celle des Rams, il devrait continuer à produire un bon petit minimum toutes les semaines.

Dans la même catégorie, James Robinson (Jags), un rookie non drafté qui s’est emparé du rôle de cheval de trait pour son équipe et qui devrait être prolifique dans les matchs ups favorables (vu qu’on ne peut pas faire confiance à l’OL des Jags sur une base régulière, et Benny Snell (Steelers) qui même en cas de retour de Conner devrait garder un vrai rôle dans cette attaque et en cas d’absence sera le numéro 1.

Corey Davis, WR, Titans

Certes 10 pts ce n’est pas très impressionnant, mais au delà de ça, une telle performance sans TD reste solide et de bonne augure. Un ancien first round pick qui a toujours galéré à s’imposer, Davis a eu la pleine confiance de Tannehill hier et semble enfin parti pour justifier sa hype au moment de sa classe de draft. 7 catchs sur 8 targets et le fait que son QB l’ait souvent cherché sur des downs décisifs sont de bonne augure pour la suite.

Voilà, c’est tout pour cette semaine, comme d’habitude, vous pouvez vous démerder pour les défenses, kickers et IDP.  Je n’ai pas mis Aaron Rodgers non plus, parce que sérieusement si vous n’avez pas drafté de QB et que vous avez waivé Drew Brees à la place, vous ne me méritez pas.

[gdbot]

Sammy Engramer, Un Coup de dés jamais n’abolira le hasard –... http://ift.tt/2GxWI1v

[fracthales]

Sammy Engramer, Un Coup de dés jamais n’abolira le hasard – Wave, Éditions Laura Delamonade, 2010, Edition of 500. Recorded in Apenburg (Sachsen-Anhalt), on March 4, 2009

[rbolick]

Books On Books Collection - Sam Sampson

Books On Books Collection – Sam Sampson

Derek Beaulieu (No Press) first published Sam Sampson’s homage to Un Coup de Dés as a handsewn pamphlet in 2020. To celebrate the 125th anniversary of Mallarmé initial publication of “the poem that made us modern”, Sampson enlisted Jacinda Torrance of Verso Visual Communications for design, the firm Centurion for printing, and Louise James of The Binding Studio for hand binding to produce this…

[totentnz]

if johnny only sees what v sees, does that mean he cant see them? it does right? or does he see them the way they *think* they look like? does johnny see who v sees in the mirror? in photos?

[theruggednugget]

Week 1: Starting Off

During the 2018 season the three times someone broke 140 fantasy points (Richard 142, Ed 141, Richard 145), but John Monson’s 151 points was insane! With just three players Monson scored 92 points, that’s more points than five teams altogether last week. Both Brent and Jered has disastrous weeks, David and Randall are in the danger zone, and five players scored more than 100 points (two of which, the Grimes’, took Ls).

Below are the scores of each teams top three players:

Monson: 92 (Prescott, Ekeler, Henry)

Ed: 74 (Mahomes, Mack, Jacobs)

Melissa: 72 (McCaffrey, Wentz, Williams)

Jocelyn: 66 (Watson, Cook, Barkley)

Preston: 55 (Brees, Johnson, Cooper)

Taija: 53 (Ryan, Allen, Engram)

Randall: 50 (Hopkins, Hilton, Patriots D)

Jered: 45 (Ingram, Ravens D, Mayfield)

David: 43 (Carson, Wilson, Gould)

Brent: 38 (Bell. Tucker, Thielen)

Clearly there is a correlation with winning and having three solid players. But what is unfortunate is how many big hitters were left on the bench. Between a RB (McCoy 9), two WR (Watkins 37, Godwin 11), a FLEX (Fuller 6), and TE (Walker 17) Taija had 80 points on her bench. Without a QB, one RB, a DST, and a K Taija would have beaten four fantasy teams with her bench. Good to know you have depth, bad when you miss out on a first week win because of it.

So let’s get to another topic that I think is important we address. What is with Brent having five white guys in his starting lineup (Roethlisberger, Thielen, Kupp, Ertz, Tucker)? This is by far the most Caucasian-laden lineup in the league, and also accumulated the fewest points. Is there something going on here?

Jumping to the draft, in the first week it is clear that first round picks were very important, but second round picks didn’t do anything! The average points attained by the league’s first round picks was 17.6. The only first rounders to not exceed 10 points was Jered’s Nick Chubb (8), and David’s Julio Jones (9). In the second round only one player exceeded 10 points, Jocelyn’s Michael Thomas (12). The average points for second rounders plummeted to 4.9!!! Third round average was 13.1, fourth 6.8, fifth 10.2, sixth 9, and then we get into more QB selections. 

The best QB was taken the 11th round, pick 104, and was the 11th QB taken.

The best RB was taken 1st round, pick 3, and was the 3rd RB taken.

The best WR was taken 8th round, pick 76, and was the 32nd WR taken.

The best TE was taken 6th round, pick 56, and was the 6th TE taken.

The best DST was taken 10th round, pick 99, and was the 4th DST taken.

The best K was taken 12th round, pick 119, and was the 5th K taken.

Maybe this goes to show that it only makes sense to take RBs early, because you can find high scoring WR in any round. We’ll do more analysis on this as the season goes on.

After week one, I created an average team based on each position’s averages that we drafted. The average of the top 10 QBs we drafted was 20.9, RBs 17 for top 20 and 13.1 for top 30 (in case of FLEX), WR 15.7 and 12.9 for 30, TE 8.1, DST 5.9, and K 10.7. That makes the average fantasy team score around 118 if you play three WR and 116 if you play three RBs. This suggest playing three WR is better because playing that third RB as the FLEX is likely going to have a greater drop off. 

For week over week, Monson is at the top with Ed and Jocelyn splitting points with a tie. Remember, the WoW winner gets $100 at the end of the regular season.

Lastly, the waiver wire popped off after week one. $80 in total was already spent. Lamar Jackson and Adrian Peterson were the big money getters at $12 each. Randall overpaid for Peterson by $6 with only one other bid placed for him. David overpaid for Jackson by $3 with only Jered bidding for him as well. Preston overpaid for Malcolm Brown by $10 with only Jered’s $1 bid competed with him. Jocelyn overpaid $6 for Marquise Brown with only one other bid coming in for him from Jered. Preston also overpaid for T.J. Hockenson by bidding $6 but no one else going for the Detroit TE. 

Best QB: Dak Prescott (33) - Monson

Best RB: Christian McCaffrey and Austin Ekeler (32) - Melissa and Monson

Best WR: Sammy Watkins (37) - Taija

Best TE: T.J. Hockenson (19) - FA picked up by Preston

Best DST: 49ers (28) - FA

Best K: Harrison Butker (17) - Monson

[unclescurvy]

2021 FANTASY FOOTBALL CHEAT SHEET

QB

Patrick Mahomes II (KC-12)

-

Aaron Rodgers (GB-13)

Josh Allen (BUF-7)

Russell Wilson (SEA-9)

Kyler Murray (ARZ-12)

Lamar Jackson (BAL-8)

Dak Prescott (DAL-7 INJ)

-

Matt Stafford (LAR-11)

Justin Herbert (LAC-7)

Joe Burrow (CIN-10)

-

Matt Ryan (ATL-6)

Ryan Tannehill (TEN-13)

Baker Mayfield (CLE-13)

Kirk Cousins (MIN-7)

Tom Brady (TB-9)

Derek Carr (LV-8)

-

Jameis Winston (NO-6)

Ben Roethlisberger (PIT-7)

Carson Wentz (IND-14-INJ)

Daniel Jones (NYG-10)

Jalen Hurts (PHI-14)

Jared Goff (DET-9)

Tua Tagovailoa (MIA-14)

Teddy Bridgewater (DEN-11)

Jimmy Garoppolo (SF-6)

Ryan Fitzpatrick (WAS-9)

Zach Wilson (NYJ-6)

Mac Jones (NE-14)

Sam Darnold (CAR-13)

Trevor Lawrence (JAX-7)

Andy Dalton (CHI-10)

Tyrod Taylor (HOU-10)

-

Taysom Hill (NO-6)

Trey Lance (SF-6)

Cam Newton

DeShaun Watson (HOU-10-SUS?)

-

RB

Christian McCaffrey (CAR-13)

Derrick Henry (TEN-13)

Dalvin Cook (MIN-7)

Alvin Kamara (NO-6)

-

Nick Chubb (CLE-13)

Ezekiel Elliott (DAL-7)

Aaron Jones (GB-13)

Saquon Barkley (NYG-10)

-

Jonathan Taylor (IND-14)

Najee Harris (PIT-7)

Austin Ekeler (LAC-7)

Antonio Gibson (WAS-9)

Joe Mixon (CIN-10)

Josh Jacobs (LV-8)

Clyde Edwards-Helaire (KC-12)

David Montgomery (CHI-10)

Miles Sanders (PHI-14)

Gus Edwards (BAL-8)

-

Chris Carson (SEA-9)

Kareem Hunt (CLE-13)

James Robinson (JAX-7)

Mike Davis (ATL-6)

Darrell Henderson (LAR-11)

Raheem Mostert (SF-6)

Michael Carter (NYJ-6)

-

Zack Moss (BUF-7 INJ)

Myles Gaskin (MIA-14)

Damien Harris (NE-14)

Melvin Gordon (DEN-11)

Sony Michel (LAR-11)

Phillip Lindsay (HOU-10)

Ronald Jones (TB-9)

Leonard Fournette (TB-9)

D’Andre Swift (DET-9 INJ)

Chase Edmonds (ARZ-12)

Javonte Williams (DEN-11)

Trey Sermon (SF-6)

David Johnson (HOU-10)

Malcolm Brown (MIA-14)

Nyheim Hines (IND-14)

James Conner (ARZ-12)

Ty’Son Williams (BAL-8)

Tevin Coleman (NYJ-6)

Jamaal Williams (DET-9)

A.J. Dillon (GB-13)

Devin Singletary (BUF-7)

James White (NE-14)

Rashaad Penny (SEA-9)

-

Rhamondre Stevenson (NE-14)

J.D. McKissic (WAS-9)

Mark Ingram (HOU-10)

Marlon Mack (IND-14)

Giovani Bernard (TB-9)

Alexander Mattison (MIN-7)

Boston Scott (PHI-14)

Kenyan Drake (LV-8)

Carlos Hyde (JAX-7)

Jaret Patterson (WAS-9)

Ty Johnson (NYJ-6)

Latavius Murray (NO-6)

Qadree Ollison (ATL-6)

-

WR

Davante Adams (GB-13)

DeAndre Hopkins (ARZ-12)

Tyreek Hill (KC-12)

Stefon Diggs (BUF-7 INJ)

Calvin Ridley (ATL-6)

Keenan Allen (LAC-7)

D.K. Metcalf (SEA-9)

Justin Jefferson (MIN-7 INJ)

-

Mike Evans (TB-9)

Julio Jones (TEN-13 INJ)

Chris Godwin (TB-9)

A.J. Brown (TEN-13 INJ)

-

Terry McLaurin (WAS-9)

Tee Higgins (CIN-10)

Allen Robinson (CHI-10)

CeeDee Lamb (DAL-7)

Odell Beckham, Jr. (CLE-13 INJ)

D.J. Moore (CAR-13)

Adam Thielen (MIN-7)

Cooper Kupp (LAR-11)

Robert Woods (LAR-11)

Diontae Johnson (PIT-7)

Jerry Jeudy (DEN-11)

-

JuJu Smith-Schuster (PIT-7)

Kenny Golladay (NYG-10 INJ)

Mike Williams (LAC-7)

Brandin Cooks (HOU-10)

Corey Davis (NYJ-6)

Jaylen Waddle (MIA-14)

Robby Anderson (CAR-13)

De’Vante Parker (MIA-14)

Brandon Aiyuk (SF-6)

Tyler Lockett (SEA-9)

Tyler Boyd (CIN-10)

Jamison Crowder (NYJ-6)

Darnell Mooney (CHI-10)

Courtland Sutton (DEN-11)

Amari Cooper (DAL-7 INJ)

D.J. Chark (JAX-7 INJ)

Chase Claypool (PIT-7)

DeVante Smith (PHI-14 INJ)

Darius Slayton (NYG-10)

Ja’Marr Chase (CIN-10)

Marvin Jones (JAX-7 INJ)

Tyrell Williams (DET-9)

Michael Thomas (NO-6-INJ 5)

-

Marquez Calloway (NO-6)

Will Fuller (MIA-14)

Russell Gage (ATL-6)

Marquise Brown (BAL-8 INJ)

Henry Ruggs III (LV-8)

Curtis Samuel (WAS-9)

Michael Pittman (IND-14)

Deebo Samuel (SF-6)

Mecole Hardman (KC-12)

Jakobi Myers (NE-14)

Gabriel Davis (BUF-7)

Laviska Shenault (JAX-7)

Nelson Agholor (NE-14)

A.J. Green (ARZ-12)

Jarvis Landry (CLE-13)

Michael Gallup (DAL-7)

Emmanuel Sanders (BUF-7 INJ)

Marquez Valdez-Scantling (GB-13)

Antonio Brown (TB-9)

Christian Kirk (ARZ-12)

Randall Cobb (GB-13)

Anthony Miller (HOU-10 INJ)

Van Jefferson (LAR-11)

Tre’Quan Smith (NO-6 INJ)

Bryan Edwards (LV-8)

Quintez Cephus (DET-9)

-

Cole Beasley (BUF-7)

Adam Humphries (WAS-9)

Allen Lazard (GB-13)

Donovan Peoples-Jones (CLE-13)

Albert Wilson (MIA-14)

Zach Pascal (IND-14)

K.J. Hamler (DEN-11)

Jalen Reagor (PHI-14)

Parris Campbell (IND-14)

Demarcus Robinson (KC-12)

Hunter Renfrow (LV-8)

Desean Jackson (LAR-11)

Sterling Shepard (NYG-10)

Sammy Watkins (BAL-8)

Josh Reynolds (TEN-13)

Kendrick Bourne (NE-14)

Rashard Higgins (CLE-13)

Tim Patrick (DEN-11)

Denzel Mims (NYJ-6)

Dede Westbrook (MIN-7)

Nico Collins (HOU-10)

Kadarius Toney (NYG-10 INJ)

Devin Duvernay (BAL-8)

Preston Williams (MIA-14)

T.Y. Hilton (IND-14 INJ)

N’Keal Harry (NE-14 INJ 2)

-

TE

Travis Kelce (KC-12)

George Kittle (SF-6)

Darren Waller (LV-8)

-

Mark Andrews (BAL-8)

-

Robert Tonyan (GB-13)

Logan Thomas (WAS-9)

T.J. Hockenson (DET-9)

Noah Fant (DEN-11 INJ)

Kyle Pitts (ATL-6)

Jonnu Smith (NE-14)

Dallas Goedert (PHI-14)

Jared Cook (LAC-7)

Tyler Higbee (LAR-11)

Hunter Henry (NE-14)

Gerald Everett (SEA-9)

Rob Gronkowski (TB-9)

-

Tyler Kroft (NYJ-6)

Mike Gesicki (MIA-14)

Hayden Hurst (ATL-6)

Austin Hooper (CLE-13)

O.J. Howard (TB-9)

Cole Kmet (CHI-10)

Eric Ebron (PIT-7)

David Njoku (CLE-13)

Zach Ertz (PHI-14)

-

Evan Engram (NYG-10 INJ) 

 Anthony Firkser (TEN-13)

Blake Jarwin (DAL-7)

Jack Doyle (IND-14)

Dan Arnold (CAR-13)

Donald Parham (LAC-7)

Adam Shaheen (MIA-14)

Will Dissly (SEA-9)

Noah Gray (KC-12)

Cameron Brate (TB-9)

C.J. Uzomah (CIN-10)

Pat Freiermuth (PIT-7)

Tyler Conklin (MIN-7)

Christopher Herndon IV (MIN-7)

Juwan Johnson (NO-6)

-

K

Justin Tucker (BAL-8)

Harrison Butker (KC-12)

Younghoe Koo (ATL-6)

-

Jason Myers (SEA-9)

Rodrigo Blankenship (IND-14)

Matt Prater (ARZ-12)

Tyler Bass (BUF-7)

Mason Crosby (GB-13)

Robbie Gould (SF-6)

Daniel Carlson (LV-8)

Greg Zuerlein (DAL-7 INJ)

Ryan Succop (TB-9)

Dustin Hopkins (WAS-9)

Cairo Santos (CHI-10)

Evan McPherson (CIN-10)

Brandon McManus (DEN-11)

Ka’imi Fairbairn (HOU-10)

Matt Gay (LAR-11)

Jason Sanders (MIA-14)

Greg Joseph (MIN-7)

Chase McLaughlin (CLE-13)

Graham Gano (NYG-10)

Jake Elliott (PHI-14)

Chris Boswell (PIT-7)

Sam Ficken (TEN-13)

Quinn Nordin (NE-14)

Ryan Santoso (CAR-13)

Josh Lambo (JAX-7)

Matt Ammendola (NYJ-6)

Tristan Vizcaino (LAC-7)

Aldrick Rosas (NO-6)

-

DEF

9 Washington

9 Tampa Bay

7 Pittsburgh

8 Baltimore

-

11 LA Rams

14 New England

14 Miami

7 Buffalo

13 Cleveland

14 Indianapolis

-

12 Kansas City

6 New Orleans

6 San Francisco

12 Arizona

7 Minnesota

11 Denver

9 Seattle

13 Tennessee

13 Green Bay

10 Chicago

13 Carolina

10 NY Giants

7 LA Chargers

14 Philadelphia

8 Las Vegas

7 Dallas

6 NY Jets

7 Jacksonville

10 Cincinnati

9 Detroit

10 Houston

6 Atlanta

[orindasfinest]

TDFL PR W#1

Welcome to the first installment of the TouchDongers Foobaw Lig Power Rankings  yadda yadda this doesn’t really require any introduction – reading this is kind of like waking up in a virtual gulag in a Black Mirror episode. You can feign ignorance all you want, but you know deep down why you’re here, Mohamed Jetta.

I’m hosting this on tumblr because it’s barely more public than a google doc thanks to the porn ban that whisked away all my piss bookmarks just as I was starting to make real inroads on a new fetish. Thanks for nothing you Puritan technocrats. If the pageviews from this post give you 35 more cents in your next worthless sale I demand compensation in the form of 45 second clips of coeds soaking granite countertops.

Pay your league dues so I can indulge my second favorite fluffing pastime of mailing people ostentatious shit they don’t need. I’m accepting submissions for the name of the championship trophy. Current front-runner is The Shiny Hiney so you might want to get on that (and I’m not talking about scaling Griffin’s stark-white cracked mountainside prone to avalanches and civilian suffocation)

WITH PLENTY OF FAFFING ABOUT

10. Leaguema Balls (Dirty Mike)

Record: 0-1 | PF: 73 | PA: 167.7

Playing Next: Airstrip One Ezekiels Engels (Derv)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Living with the knowledge that he gave himself forehead welts

The only man in double digits for team score created a gulf between himself and the rest of the field almost as big as the space between his eyeballs. I’m not saying Mike’s squad is already done for, but on the heels of many players demanding trades from Miami after their week one demolition, Travis Kelce called his agent and said he wouldn’t do another mind-numbingly stupid McDonald’s commercial until he was cut loose to go play for another Dongers contender. Not only was this performance abysmal, but I can’t even label it an outlier because Devonta Freeman is now hurt and his 3 other major skill players are from the NFC North where points are harder to find than Josh Gordon’s 2 week AA chip.

9. Airstrip One Ezekiels Engels (Derv)

Record: 0-1 | PF: 120.9 | PA: 151.6

Playing Next: I just fukcing did this one

Questionable Decision of the Week: the Mets

Writing a summary of Derv’s fantasy prospects feels a lot like breaking the news to a wounded soldier that he’s had to have his dick amputated. Sure, you’re not technically dead, but what is there to live for? Derv has two good quarterbacks in a league where you can only start one, which marks the first and last time she’ll have two men vying for one of her slots. Zeke ended his holdout just in time to put up 12 points a game because Jerruh will be GOT DAMNED if he pays anyone an obscene amount of money and then has them succeed. Her best wide receiver made softcore porn with Pete Carroll. I’d rather read The Sun Also Rises again than keep looking at this roster to make any more jokes.

8. James White is Right (Tori)

Record: 0-1 | PF: 131.2 | PA: 173.4

Playing Next: The Queen’s Booty Lickers (Liv)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Thinking that being introverted is a substitute for a personality

Tori ran into a Clemson-scented buzzsaw this week and was really not at fault for the enormity of her loss, which is more than I can say about the fact that 85% of her Sundays vanish into her duvet cover because she got alcohol poisioning after gagging down 3 jello shots and looking at her bottle of listerine before she got into bed. That considered, though, she’s going to need Austin Ekeler to keep putting up 40-point games like he’s not a body double from ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Kids’ AND she’ll need Matt Ryan to learn what side of a football holds the white thingies for her to get any kind of consistent production going forward. Much like she would say about Sacramento being a gangrenous taint, “I just don’t see it.”

7. Sean’s Hard Mangos (sean)

Record: 0-1 | PF: 130.7 | PA: 136.2

Playing Next: Mark Ruffalo’s Ruffalo Bills (Aidan)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Paying more than the cost of a Notre Dame education for a military-grade laser-guided beard trimmer

Sean dropped his game versus Griffin in the closest fight since the donnybrook between his ex-girlfriend and sanity. A couple breaks here and there and he might have come away with a W. Unfortunately, Tyreek Hill will be out for an indefinite period of time after finding out that it’s hard to box with people who aren’t 5 years old and Evan Engram is going to put up 28 points again as soon as Father Jenkins decides it’s high time to adhere to his vow of poverty. His third-leading scorer this week was his kicker. Last time everyone discovered so obviously that something fishy was afoot Sean needed his location tracked to a downtrodden dormitory fuck-barn.

6. Mark Ruffalo’s Ruffalo Bills (Aidan)

Record: 1-0 | PF: 151.6 | PA: 120.9

Playing Next: Reading comprehension

Questionable Decision of the Week: $45 says he’s still doing Fontaine to all of his roommates and they’re plotting in equal measures to cut him out of the will and to put a steak knife in his femoral artery

Big boy trade man saw his wheeling and dealing pay off, running contrary to his favorite Silver-and-Black organization, and to the time he swapped his dignity for his desktop toaster oven. Drew Brees stepped up, and not just on the baby footstool he uses to properly gaze into the bathroom mirror to examine his face birthmark that looks like Spaghetti-O cum. Julio and JuJu took the field, which is worth 15 points apiece in standard ESPN scoring. Outside of that, though, we have another aberrant kicker performance, this one from Harrison “Anal” Butker, and Josh Jacobs putting up 25 against a Broncos defense more porous than an Aidan snap group selfie. Expect a greater fall from grace than that of the Robert Pattinson Porsche launching itself from the car WTC.

5. Cartoon Colt Copulation (Gabe)

Record: 0-1 | PF: 127.1 | PA: 145.3

Playing Next: The Birds Have Arrived (John)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Drafting from Hawaii during my last day on that particular vacation because I value disposable carnal pleasures more than lasting memories with my aging and loving parents

This ranking is like the number of inches I used to tell Tinder hookers after snapping them at 2AM: obviously inflated because I think I’m in control. A charitable read tells you that all of my risky/reachy picks paid off in spades and that I was one Desean Jackson start from starting the season off strong. A realistic assessment brings you back to the reality of the fact that depending on Desean Jackson for a victory is a lot like expecting me to bring you to orgasm. I’m just going to drop out before anyone crosses the line. Can’t wait to be 0-6 by the time AJ Green and Golden Tate come back, leaving me in a scramble for respectability that nobody respects, much like how I acquired my college degree.

4. Poo Poo Point Diarrheas (Griff)

Record: 1-0 | PF: 136.2 | PA: 130.7

Playing Next: TEAM DUMPSTER BEARS (Lauren)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Being really fucking amped about his band despite ostensibly not being under the influence of cocaine

Griffin’s starting lineup is the quintessential example of boom or bust, which is odd, because I thought the quintessential example of boom or bust was his nightly decision between offing himself and masturbating. Every single one of his starting skill players suits up for the Panthers, the Chargers, or the Rams. That diversity is so poor that it makes Mendoza look like the fucking United Nations. I’d tell you to branch out, Griff, but your bench is thinner than you if you were half your size and if half your size wasn’t also still fat. Will Lutz, your kicker, almost tripled the score of your quarterback. As the signal-caller in question is none other than Cameron Newton, I imagine that we won’t be hearing from Tori for a while, as her resultant pussy surge at a black man’s failure sent all of her electronics into traction.

3. TEAM DUMPSTER BEARS (Lolo)

Record: 1-0 | PF: 173.4 | PA: 131.2

Playing Next: What cruel twist of fate caused me to do the rankings like this

Questionable Decision of the Week: Letting me find out you actually own a Deshaun Watson jersey as if I didn’t already have enough roasting ammunition

Wowie! High score! Hope you’re hard at work roasting up some tasty crow for me to eat after my little draft-day Clemson jab because A) You cook so infrequently you thought a “burner” was one of the twitter accounts you use to solicit Hunter Renfrow dick pics and B) this is the last week you even sniff this stratosphere of point-getting. It is not often I flex my fantasy football “expertise” because clearly I don’t know shit about fuck but anyone who’s played this sick game of roulette for more than one season has learned the unalienable truth that you CANNOT TRUST SAMMY WATKINS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Holy god that 46.8-spot is a bigger mirage than someone looking at your hair under favorable light and thinking it has volume. Sammy will get run over by a stock car, Deshaun will have his spleen removed in week 6 when Laremy Tunsil turns his back on a bootleg to get fitted for a new nicotine gas mask, and your chances of success will disappear faster than your willingness to take on any more of my emotional baggage once I let you in the cargo hold. Much like our relationship, enjoy it while it lasts.

2. The Queen’s Booty Lickers (Liv)

Record: 1-0 | PF: 145.3 | PA: 127.1

Playing Next: James White is Right (Tori)

Questionable Decision of the Week: We won’t find out till next week, when she gets in contact again and sends 14 messages, 13 of which relate to topics nobody remembers and 1 of which is feloniously horny

It is cruel fucking fate that the Eagles stans would fly to the top of the power rankings from the word go. I know I attract toxic elements to my life, but being friends with multiple people from Philadelphia is like trying to run a fever to get out of going to school and instead having both your arms fed into an original Eli Whitney cotton gin. Liv didn’t even draft her squad, which probably explains why both Dak and Amari are both properly valued and are on this roster, ready to put up a combined 245 points a game because NFC East teams treat defense like Louis CK does consent. They don’t really think about it much. Hey Liv, hope that reflective road vest is enough to save you when Griffin trips coming out of a show and rolls downhill for 5 miles. It’s a good thing you have OBJ because you both look like closeted lesbians trying to stand out in Catholic school.

1. The Birds Have Arrived (John)

Record: 1-0 | PF: 167.7 | PA: 73

Playing Next: Cartoon Colt Copulation (idk some guy, poor bastard)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Getting piss on the floor of his bathroom, totally missing my mouth

This is a truly upsetting squad about which to write a recap. John’s team put up the second-most points with consistent performances across the board despite having AB and Melvin Gordon on the shelf. I haven’t been this worried about two people returning since John’s parents told him they were just going down to the store for a pack of cigarettes. It’s tough to not look at this lineup and be intimidated, so now we all know how John’s organs feel when they receive the message from his tastebuds that there’s a combination of peanut butter, salsa, Drano, and barbeque sauce slathered on a cheesesteak coming down the hatch. At least that sub is still more palatable than his dating life. John wanted me to hear two words: Antonio Brown. I got 2(1) words for ya, John: You’re the Anthony Fantano of book reviews if Fantano looked like Steve Brule and had the follower base of the Shakers.

See ya next week!

-Commish

[thedenfantasyleague]

The Den Fantasy League Recap: Draft Day 2019

Fellas, 

We’re back. Some would say it’s the most wonderful time of the year and I may just agree with them on that. As we get into all things fall (tailgating, crisp air, bonfires, etc.) there’s something that coincides that is beautiful: football season. As excited as I am, there’s one thing that really gets the juices flowing: NFL RedZone channel. Scott Hanson, on the screen, in all his glory. I’m ready for another Fantasy year with you all and I’m looking forward to going into glory and claiming my championship. Below is the draft recap: 

PVO 

Dylan had the luxury of having the #1 pick of this year’s draft. In year’s past, it’s no secret that Dylan has had his struggles in year’s past. The one thing we do know is that year after year, he has dominated Rob. With his first pick, Dylan took Saquon, this year’s #1 player. From there, he continued to fill out his roster with guys like Fournette and Amari. Dylan went on a limb with a couple players: reaching for his Browns players (Baker and Jarvis) and putting some hope in the recently hopeless Colts (TY and Marlon). Can this be the year Dylan turns it around?

Debbie Rowe

Jake followed suit in taking the #2 overall player with the #2 pick in Christian McCaffrey. As it looks, Jake’s squad is made up of a lot of fringe guys: players who find themselves with opportunities to go off this year, but with a lot of question marks. Can Deshaun stay healthy? Will Aaron Jones be on a running back by committee? Can Njoku thrive with so many weapons around him? Can Cooper bounce back? His sneaky pick though could come up big or be worthless in the coming weeks: Tony Pollard. Gabe was rattle when Jake stole Tony from his queue as he is the backup of one Zeke Elliot. If Zeke holds out, this could be a big pick.

Fire Jarn

Well look who it is: Mr. Loves to Complain About His Draft Pick. Rob continued the trend of taking the order of the pick as he selected his old pal Kamara with his first-round pick. Rob filled out his roster with some interesting players. You like Kerryon for a sophomore continuation and Tyler to fill in for AJ for the first few weeks. My questions: Chris Godwin providing anything, Devonta is always questionable, Rob loves Vance, and he reached for his D. I’m excited for the excuses to start flying for Rob. Also, is Aaron Rodgers a locker room cancer? I’m not one to say, I’m just asking the question.

Mr. Magorium 

Gabe had a conundrum: to draft or not to draft Zeke. The last time Zeke had a question mark next to his name on draft night, he was supposed to be suspended but E took a risk and rode him all the way to his first championship in our inaugural season. Gabe continued to round out his team with a good set of RBs in Chubb and Carson but some would say his question marks come with his receiving core. A couple of Chargers and a Ram, all three of which have crowded pass-catcher rooms. If those don’t pay off, Gabe has a couple of risks he can take on his bench in Flash Gordon and Albert Wilson, both who can make a splash.

Team Timshel

To me, this team has a lot of question marks. Let’s start at the beginning. Mike went for Gurley round one. Gurley has had some rumors flying around his knee health and may still not b fully recovered from last year. To no one’s surprise, Mike took Kennan Allen and also has some interesting players filling out his team. He was able to get guys like AJ Green and Melvin Gordon but they both come with issues: AJ out for a few weeks and Melvin threating to hold out. He then got a great kicker in Tucker but went for him a little earlier than I would have. However, at the end of the day, Mike likely has a plan in place so only he knows what his team will look like in the grind of the season. 

Virginia Kuppcakes

I’m ‘truly disappointed in this team: Al sat there with the ability to draft Cooper Kupp, his team’s namesake, and chose not to. I’m not saying his team is cursed, but… ya never know. His team on paper does look good: good backs in DJ and Mixon (sorry Mixon It Up) and a good receiving core in Thielen and Cooks (both did wonders for me last year). He also added Sloppy and has Mitchell as his backup which could get him into trouble.

VP

Mr. 305 saw his Canes go down last night but had to bounce back and get his Fantasy hat on. He started his action by taking Hopkins with his first pick, an unsurprising play. Al continued to take WRs who, perhaps last year, would all be star-studded but now come with their own issues: AB may not play; can Alshon sync up with Carson Wentz, unlike last year? Damien has a lot on his shoulders with the departure of Kareem and Kenyan has a good back behind him. Either way, we all knew Vinny was going to a Dolphin.

Wilmore Cinderella 

Cabana Boy himself. JP was a good sport during the day with his tux but how did his team matchup? He started off his draft by taking Mike Thomas and then added guys like Conner, Ertz, Lindsay, and Diggs. There’s a lot of talent on this team but their success is going to be found in repeating what they did last year. JP was worried throughout the draft as players were stolen from him right before he picked. Like an actual team, good quarterback play is important, and Cam is in a walking boot and on a subpar team, can he produce? Will JP bounce back to championship form or return to his Cabana Boy ways?

Kalabar’s Revenge 

G’s team was full of surprises. With his first two picks, he took Le’Veon and Juju with his first two picks and then kind of splashed around throughout the draft. He picked up guys like Sammy, Royce, and Kittle and then took three positions earlier than most. G took Mahomes, his D, and Greg the Leg earlier than their projected draft location but he knew what he wanted. We’ll see if that pays off and we’re getting into Spooky Season. 

Hank Mardukas

I’ll say this: this doesn’t look like the Scott of old. Scott is led by his three horsemen of running backs: Dalvin, Jacobs, and Guice. Scott did a good job of taking guys right before me, which was beyond frustrating. He did take guys like Davante (yuck), Golladay (looking to continue his success from last year), and Engram (looking to fill the role OBJ left without getting hurt again). We’re all interested to see if these guys perform as they should or, because their on Scott’s team, they’ll perform like some schmucks.

El Commish

I’ll say what we’re all thinking: I hate my team. With my first two picks, I’m very content (Julio and Kelce). I’ll die on the Travis Kelce Hill before I stop drafting him. I really need Henry and Tevin to really step it up for me this year. I know what I’m getting with Julian but there are still plenty of questions with my current lineup.

The Perfect Ten 

E got the spot he wanted. He wanted that bookend pick and made some interesting picks with it. Starting off with guys like OBJ and Tyreek, E got his WRs taken care of early. He then went with Mark Ingram and Sony in his backfield, two guys who have potential but often finding themselves in a crowded backfield. E does have a lot of talent on his bench that, if they can produce, will move into his weekly lineup.

Good luck gentlemen and may your seasons be fruitful. Your beloved Commissioner, Jared R. Mosqueda

[breakingnewsandsports]

Position rankings, sleepers, bargains, breakouts and potential busts (06/28/2017)

The 2017 Fantasy Football season is just around the corner. Join SEC Country as we dive into position rankings for quarterbacks, running backs, wide receivers, tight ends kickers and defenses.

We’ll also take a look at sleepers, bargain, breakouts and potential busts for your upcoming fantasy draft.

You can find consensus rankings from over 40 industry experts at Fantasy Pros, get the latest rankings from ESPN expert Matthew Berry and weigh the opinions of the Yahoo! Sports Fantasy experts all for free.

Here’s a look at our rankings, which are for a non-PPR, standard scoring format:

2017 Fantasy Football: Quarterback (QB) rankings

RANKPLAYERTEAMBYE1Aaron RodgersGB82Tom BradyNE93Drew BreesNO54Ben RoethlisbergerPIT95Andrew LuckIND116Matt RyanATL57Russell WilsonSEA68Cam NewtonCAR119Kirk CousinsWAS510Derek CarrOAK1011Dak PrescottDAL612Jameis WinstonTB1113Philip RiversLAC914Eli ManningNYG815Carson PalmerARI816Marcus MariotaTEN817Matthew StaffordDET718Carson WentzPHI1019Andy DaltonCIN620Joe FlaccoBAL1021Tyrod TaylorBUF622Blake BortlesJAC823Mike GlennonCHI924Ryan TannehillMIA1125Deshaun WatsonHOU726Alex SmithKC1027Sam BradfordMIN928Brian HoyerSF1129Cody KesslerCLE930Jared GoffLAR8

2017 Fantasy Football: Running Back (RB) rankings

RANKPLAYERTEAMBYE1Le’Veon BellPIT92David JohnsonARI83Ezekiel ElliottDAL64LeSean McCoyBUF65DeMarco MurrayTEN86Jordan HowardCHI97Melvin GordonLAC98Devonta FreemanATL59Lamar MillerHOU710Leonard FournetteJAC811Todd GurleyLAR812Jay AjayiMIA1113Mark IngramNO514Isaiah CrowellCLE915Marshawn LynchOAK1016LeGarrette BlountPHI1017Carlos HydeSF1118Eddie LacySEA619Christian McCaffreyCAR1120Spencer WareKC1021Rob KelleyWAS522C.J. AndersonDEN523Ty MontgomeryGB824Doug MartinTB1125Dalvin CookMIN926Frank GoreIND1127Tevin ColemanATL528Adrian PetersonNO529Ameer AbdullahDET730Jonathan StewartCAR11

2017 Fantasy Football: Wide Receiver (WR) rankings

RANKPLAYERTEAMBYE1Antonio BrownPIT92Julio JonesATL53Odell Beckham Jr.NYG84Mike EvansTB115A.J. GreenCIN66Jordy NelsonGB87Dez BryantDAL68T.Y. HiltonIND119Amari CooperOAK1010Demaryius ThomasDEN511Alshon JefferyPHI1012Keenan AllenLAC913Michael ThomasNO514Brandon MarshallNYG815Brandin CooksNE916Doug BaldwinSEA617DeAndre HopkinsHOU718Terrelle PryorWAS519Davante AdamsGB820Michael CrabtreeOAK1021Allen RobinsonJAC822Sammy WatkinsBUF623Golden TateDET724Larry FitzgeraldARI825Stefon DiggsMIN926Jeremy MaclinBAL1027Tyreek HillKC1028Jordan MatthewsPHI1029Julian EdelmanNE930Jarvis LandryMIA11

2017 Fantasy Football: Tight End (TE) rankings

RANKPLAYERTEAMBYE1Rob GronkowskiNE92Jordan ReedWAS53Travis KelceKC104Greg OlsenCAR115Delanie WalkerTEN86Jimmy GrahamSEA67Tyler EifertCIN68Hunter HenryLAC99Zach ErtzPHI1010Kyle RudolphMIN911O.J. HowardTB1112Zach MillerCHI913Jack DoyleIND1114C.J. FiedorowiczHOU715Cameron BrateTB1116Julius ThomasMIA1117Evan EngramNYG818Eric EbronDET719Martellus BennettGB820Jason WittenDAL6

2017 Fantasy Football: Kicker (K) rankings

RANKPLAYERTEAMBYE1Stephen GostkowskiNE92Justin TuckerBAL103Mason CrosbyGB84Dan BaileyDAL65Matt BryantATL56Adam VinatieriIND117Matt PraterDET78Sebastian JanikowskiOAK109Steven HauschkaBUF610Cairo SantosKC1011Chris BoswellPIT912Graham GanoCAR1113Chandler CatanzaroARI1114Brandon McManusDEN515Nick NovakHOU7

2017 Fantasy Football: Defense/Special Teams (D/ST) rankings

RANKTEAMBYE1HOU72NE93DEN54KC105SEA66ARI117BAL108GB89MIN910OAK1011CAR1112PIT913OAK1014TEN815CIN6

2017 Fantasy Football: Bargain players

The 10 best values for your fantasy draft this season, per NFL.com’s Michael Fabiano:

1. Golden Tate, WR, Detroit Lions 2. Ameer Abdullah, RB, Detroit Lions 3. Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Arizona Cardinals 4. Frank Gore, RB, Indianapolis Colts 5. Doug Martin, RB, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 6. Pierre Garcon, WR, San Francisco 49ers 7. Adrian Peterson, RB, New Orleans Saints 8. Cam Newton, QB, Carolina Panthers 9. Tyrod Taylor, QB, Buffalo Bills 10. Andy Dalton, QB, Cincinnati Bengals

2017 Fantasy Football: Sleeper players

The 10 best sleepers for your fantasy draft this season, per NFL.com’s Michael Fabiano:

1. Martavis Bryant, WR, Pittsburgh Steelers 2. Willie Snead, RB, New Orleans Saints: 3. Samaje Perine, RB, Washington Redskins 4. Kareem Hunt, RB, Kansas City Chiefs 5. Kenneth Dixon, RB, Baltimore Ravens 6. Cameron Meredith, WR, Chicago Bears 7. Corey Coleman, WR, Cleveland Browns 8. Quincy Enunwa, WR, New York Jets 9. DeVante Parker, WR, Miami Dolphins 10. Carson Wentz, QB, Philadelphia Eagles

2017 Fantasy Football: Breakout players

The 10 best breakout players for your fantasy draft this season, per NFL.com’s Michael Fabiano:

1. Leonard Fournette, RB, Jacksonville Jaguars 2. Christian McCaffrey, RB, Carolina Panthers 3. Isaiah Crowell, RB, Cleveland Browns 4. Dalvin Cook, RB, Minnesota Vikings 5. Joe Mixon, RB, Cincinnati Bengals 6. Terrelle Pryor, WR, Washington Redskins 7. Tyreek Hill, WR, Kansas City Chiefs 8. Sammy Watkins, WR, Buffalo Bills 9. Bilal Powell, RB, New York Jets 10. Stefon Diggs, WR, Minnesota Vikings

2017 Fantasy Football: Potential busts

The 10 players who could bust your fantasy draft this season, per NFL.com’s Michael Fabiano:

1. Alshon Jeffery, WR, Philadelphia Eagles 2. Keenan Allen, WR, Los Angeles Chargers 3. Eddie Lacy, RB, Seattle Seahawks 4. Mark Ingram, RB, New Orleans Saints 5. Davante Adams, WR, Green Bay Packers 6. Julian Edelman, WR, New England Patriots 7. Brandon Marshall, WR, New York Giants 8. Jeremy Hill, RB, Cincinnati Bengals 9. Latavius Murray, RB, Minnesota Vikings 10. O.J. Howard, TE, Tampa Bay Buccaneers