#Seahorses man wtf :{

[themovementgeneration]

Man i miss minecraft... me & steve go way back

quik maeths

I still dont get it, but they look like chalkolate so by default either im dying or lying, either way white chalkolate still chocolate. I get that 2 piece at popeyes, with a pair of skull candies.

I ask for peazza they give me applejuice and Cranberrie juice. These footnotes are disgusting bleh.Jak 3 was crayz though back in the day

I still dont get Charlotte's Web or the Color Purple. my grandmother got type 2 diabetes with O negative blood while im AB positive shiet doesnt add up smh...what is the kaws

EA SPORTZ ITS IN DA GAME. OH NO LOOK IT MAYO. mhmm turkey sandwhiches have a nigga remminiscing bout collagen/thanksgiving & boomerangs...

Mhmm when life gives you apples make limeade

Venom fiendin for candy like numbah 5 from kids next door

[1kook]

A COLLECTION  [ updated: 8 . 23 . 21 ]

— STATUS ONGOING — NO REPOSTS — ASKS under #ncouple ! — Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr

—NETFLIX & CHILL.

summary If you planned things right, you could rain down your raging displeasure on Jeon Jungkook right after the meal but before this proposed ‘Netflix and chilling,’ maybe dramatically throw your glass of wine at him, before storming out of his place and reporting him to the authorities (Namjoon) for his douchebag personality.  warnings smut in the forms of grinding, oral (f), cum eating, vanilla unprotected sex, dirty talk misc use of the oldest trick in the book (“your hands are sooo big”), shy oblivious AND gentleman jk? pick a struggle, brief ment of app developer kook, evil and conniving oc  word count 10.2k  posted june 12, 2020

—HULU & WOOHOO.

summary But there’s more important matters to attend to than Jungkook’s Jersey Shore boner. warnings slight feelings of insecurity, smut in the forms of fingering, cunnilingus, cum eating, squirting, hand jobs, unprotected sex, riding, slight praise kink  misc if you’re not a Jersey shore fan honestly GET OUT, mentions of capitalism😡, more kind/understanding kook, basically a “what are we?” fic but silly, irresponsible emailing habits, its so dumb just read word count 6.3k posted july 4, 2020

—IMAX & CLIMAX.

summary The occasional dark horse candidate among Barbie movie binges— Jungkook gets weirdly horny and fucks you to the tune of a classic Barbie movie soundtrack. warnings smut in the form of blowjobs, tit play, praise kink, standing sex, unprotected sex, reverse cowgirl (? kinda), daddy kink that morphs into ily kink misc  jk is an avid history channel viewer, jk hates Barbie movies ik we took an L today girls 😔, jk goes thru like 4 personality changes (commanding > soft > mean > in love), honestly idk what to tag it’s a mess, he’s still cheesy and romantic but also 👀 just read word count 9.8k posted august 5, 2020

—KISSANIME & FOREPLAY.

summary You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans. warnings mentions of hentai, smut in the forms of cunnilingus, masturbation (f), oral (f), use of a sex toy, fingering, nipple play, face sitting/fucking/riding idk (f), praise kink, hints of dumbification, cum eating, jk is like passive aggressive in this one, 4 (f) orgasms, this is the kicker: sub kook at the end😳, like 2 sec of dom yn lol, & u get 0.002 sec of adams apple kink misc more dumb story lines, made up sex stores bc my creativity knows no bounds, Jungkook plays nice but is actually mean for the majority of it, once again doyeon plays a pivotal role in the furthering of women empowerment, internal love monologues about jk best boy<3 word count 8.2k posted september 1, 2020

—DISNEY+ & BUST.

summary There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb. It’s not. It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door.   warnings arguments, feelings of insecurity, bit of asshole jk, smut in the forms of humiliation, dumbification, choking, fingering, spit kink, self punishment (? idk lol), unprotected but [ passionate ] sex, jk losing his cool, the return of mean jk, desperate jk, he is actually an emotional mess in this one wtf misc angst, anniversaries, the L word😳, app developer kook, rip ‘pretty girl’ </3, we all become phineas and ferb stans word count 13k posted september 9, 2020

—ESPN & BDSM.

summary You would like to personally thank every loud-mouthed, ESPN commentator out there for saving you from Jungkook’s dangerous seduction skills.   warnings smut in the forms of brief femdom, handcuffs, nipple clamps, blindfolding, flogging/use of a riding crop, soft dom kook, cunnilingus, spitting, unprotected but passionate, degradation, as always it starts horny n then turns into I love u kink misc kook has a swollen ankle so idk how he did all this, jk abuses the fuck outta pet names part 7, revenge gone wrong tbh, this was honestly a beginner’s intro to vanilla bdsm word count 12.7k posted september 14, 2020

—YOUTUBE & USE LUBE.

summary You can’t believe this is Jungkook’s preferred sick day treatment; YouTube, cuddles, and an ugly amount of lube. warnings smut in the forms of nipple play, handjobs, spit kink, face riding, unprotected, flavored warming lube, riding, praise kink, soft femdom, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, tit sucking, tit fucking, more jk has an impreg kink, oh and this is all subby kook misc domesticity baby!! fluff, soft scenes /.\, jk is sick:((, doyeon is A Doctor, yn sees an opportunity and she grabs it, surprise ending <3 word count 8.7k   posted september 30, 2020

—VIKI & HICKEYS.

summary Just like in those Viki dramas Jungkook likes, the world around you is enveloped in shades of pink and red, kisses and hearts, so many goddamn roses it makes you sneeze. It’s absolutely perfect— nothing could possibly go wrong when there’s so much love in the air.   warnings a little hurt + a lot of comfort, mentions of cheating!villain!jin, insecure!kook, emotional breakdowns, mentions of jk’s lonely past, jk cries :( smut in the forms of making out, eating out, fingering, clit play, hickeys, jk likes cum, double orgasm, squirting, tiny praise kink, blindfolding, rough + unprotected sex, doggy style, choking!!!, breeding/impreg kink, JEALOUS KOOK, mini hand kink, a lil bit of spanking, degradation, he gets progressively meaner lol oc cries, jk is a good boy n I want him to be happy   misc there’s a lot of fuckin plot omfg -_-, it’s Valentine’s Eve!, doyeon makes Some Points, mentions of park seojoon juicy ass, they go on a d8 😳, oc like rlly wants to marry him, oc commits double phone homicide word count 16.3k posted january 14, 2021

—PEACOCK & SWEET TALK.

summary “I wanna watch Solange in Bring It On,” Jungkook smiles, and you have to wonder who exactly this blond man is and what he did with your teen-movie-hating boyfriend.   warnings smut in the forms of kissing, cunnilingus (eating out + fingering), light praise, a lil body worship, jk fat cawk, brief nipple play, playful jk, unprotected sex, riding and missionary, the jk hand kink, I love you kink, jk wants nudes, jk’s cheerleader fantasies mentioned, spit kink, light choking, jk has like a scent kink (?), mention of collars and pet play misc app developer jk becomes even MORE app developer-y, oc is anti-google, there's plot, a 2 year anniversary, Solange knowles appreciation, BLOND JK!!!, gets sappy for a sec, seahorse marriage mention, doyeon x joon side pairing, jk is disgustingly dreamy and oc is threatened by that fact word count 10.7k posted march 23, 2021

— CRUNCHYROLL & RAIL.

summary Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket. warnings smut in the forms of making out, jk nipple play, some 69 action, cunnilingus, blowjobs, brief choking, jk trying his best to listen to oc but he doesn’t rlly :/, fingering, missionary bc his eyes are pretty, unprotected fuckin raw, its romantic but when is it not… misc fluffy and domestic <3, weekend getaway <3, the Big Question, shy jk, sailor moon supremacy, jk makes this big elaborate speech about the sun and moon, mentions of 240p YouTube quality word count 8.7k posted may 21, 2021

—FUNIMATION & PROCREATION.

summary Never mind your upcoming wedding, this was perhaps the greatest moment of your life— the day Jungkook sought out an anime on his own. warnings kissing, smut in the forms of cunnilingus, cum eating, mentions of anal, doggy style, unprotected sex with the intention of pregnancy, spitting, hand holding<3 misc the wedding night, Doyeon strikes again, jjk watches  jjk, oh no not twins word count 9.1k posted july 31, 2021

—BOOMERANG AND BANG. 

coming soon

—COOKIES & CREAM.

summary Jungkook will watch a thousand cheesy Christmas movies if it meant making you happy. (And maybe having his dick sucked.) warnings smut in the form of blowjobs, face fucking, cum facials, fingering, overstim, double orgasm, r*mantic sex, riding, unprotected, cream pies, jk does this weird thing where he licks her face yeah idk, jk loves seeing his gf cry, jk has an obsession with jizz   misc jk pov !!, eggnog slander, jk hates xmas movies, oc dresses like a sexy mrs claus, Elf !!, jk is in loooove word count 7.1k posted december 23, 2020

— TUTUS & TIARAS.

summary your first pregnancy through the lens of your husband warnings smut in the forms of penetrative sex, sex while pregnant, unprotected sex, tit play, cunnilingus, mutual masturbation, sticking the tip in and jacking off/cockwarming?, creampies, nose kink (? like she grinds against his nose), infatuation with scent, frottage/grinding, lactation kink, titluvr jk [bass boosted] misc married ncouple <3, domesticity, jk pov, mood swings, pregnancy, GIRLDAD!JK, DILF!JK, pregnant!reader, jk’s kids are virgos its true  word count 10k posted august 23, 2021

— one.

summary Maybe Jungkook wasn’t always as cool and composed as you initially believed. But that’s okay, because you love him all the same.  word count 1.3k posted September 10, 2020

—two.

summary Even after all these years, all these doubts, and all this solitude that was really no one’s fault but his own, he still finds himself hoping that maybe you’ll be the one. word count 1k posted september 11, 2020

—three.

summary But Jungkook loves the sun. word count 1.5k posted september 12th, 2020

—four.

summary For the last ten minutes or so his mind has been bothered by one thing and one thing only— the hair that hung in his face. word count 800 words posted september 22, 2020

—five.

summary Startled and inexperienced, he can’t do anything but rub his hands over your back. “It’s fine, it’s fine,” he murmurs, even though it’s not. word count 1.3k posted september 22, 2020

—six.

SUMMARY Jungkook enjoyed pushing you down, indulging you in all your little fantasies, but he too had some he wanted to live out. WC 1.8k POSTED september 25, 2020

—seven.

summary And lastly, Jungkook will bring it full circle by indulging you two in some good old fashion spooky sex where he nuts inside you because the only thing scarier than a scary movie is a pregnancy scare. It’s a perfect plan. word count 2k posted october 30, 2020

—eight.

summary You always do this— always ask for more. You take and you take until there’s nothing left for Jungkook to give. But Jungkook is the same.   word count 1.9k posted december 28, 2020

—nine.

summary “I think that, like— me and you? We’re like, totally destined,” you ramble, “you should, like, take my number! And maybe we can, like— Netflix and chill one of these days?” word count 2.2k posted january 8 2021

—ten.

summary See, there’s no one in this world who ignores his house rules more than you. Even worse, there’s no one on this planet who can make Jungkook ignore his own rules like you do. word count 1.4k posted february 14, 2021

—eleven.

summary You’re too bright, too… there. His shell is too small. word count 1.2k posted may 3, 2021

—twelve.

summary Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee. word count 1.4k posted may 8th, 2021

—thirteen.

summary Because for as much shit as you let him get away with, Jungkook is certain you’ll draw the line today.   word count 1k posted june 13, 2021

—fourteen.

summary Jungkook needs you to know that you can always count on him. word count 1.3k posted july 6, 2021

—fifteen.

summary It’s Jungkook’s teenage fantasy— being pushed down by a cheerleader. word count 3.1k posted august 9, 2021

— sixteen.

summary Your skin is warm and smells like sunshine. Jungkook can’t really explain it. (And also like the sunscreen you had doused him in earlier, but that isn’t as romantic.) word count 1.9K posted august 11, 2021

—seventeen.

summary She looks his way and suddenly Jungkook is nineteen again, in his dorm, listening to the first person he ever thought he loved telling him he’s too much to handle. word count 1.6k posted august 18, 2021

beautiful banners made for series!

cute and cozy gif by the lovely @ladyartemesia​ 

LASTLY: 

[mrsmaybank]

Things JJ Would Comment On Your Insta - JJ x Reader

ahhh imagine jj commenting on ur ig posts.

a/n: jj is sooo funny and joking around 24/7 and some of the comments (you’ll know when u see em) are clearly joking. I LOVE JJ!!!! he is not an asshole and THEREFORE he doesnt make shitty comments. hope u like dis. 

Your Selfies: 

@jjmaybitch commented: new lockscreen who dis

 @jjmaybitch commented: im laying right next to you rn but you are very cute 

@jjmaybitch commented: my little seahorse 

@jjmaybitch commented: nice mouth 

@jjmaybitch commented: baeby 

@jjmaybitch commented: mommy

@jjmaybitch commented: cute ass bitch 

Bikini/Boat/Beach Pics:

@jjmaybitch commented: MY ass

@jjmaybitch commented: holy fuck 

@jjmaybitch commented: gulp 

@jjmaybitch commented: fffffffuuuuucckk

@jjmaybitch commented: das my girl 

@jjmaybitch commented: i took this 

@jjmaybitch commented: 3 minutes before i threw u in the water 

@jjmaybitch commented: damn my baby momma so fine 

@thepope3141 replied: you guys don’t have a baby???? 

@jjmaybitch replied: @y/n you didn’t tell him? 

@y/n replied: pope call me i gotta tell u sum 

You+Him: 

@jjmaybitch commented: damn our babies gonna be fye 

@jjmaybitch commented: me n u>kim n kanye 

@jjmaybitch commented: we were so high i don't remember this 

@jjmaybitch commented: our kids are lucky 

@jjmaybitch commented: i was gonna comment how pretty u r n then i fucking noticed im in it 2

Just Him:

@jjmaybitch commented: i'm so sexy 

@jjmaybitch commented: im so gorgeous wow  

@jjmaybitch commented: i am irresistible 

@jjmaybitch commented: handsome young man 

You+Kie 

@jjmaybitch commented: bitchy and bitchier 

@jjmaybitch commented: 2 stupid hoes 

@jjmaybitch commented: i took dis 

@jjmaybitch commented: cake in this picture is immaculate 

@jjmaybitch commented: i waaantt aaa thrreeesoommee 

@kietosh replied: @y/n lets do it but without him 

@y/n replied: omw babygirl 

@jjmaybitch replied: wtf guys :/

@jjmaybitch commented: you both look high as shit 

@jjmaybitch commented: this pic SOUNDS like peter tosh and shit talking 

You + John B 

@jjmaybitch commented: shee wanntt da whole crew SHAWTY BRAVE 

@johnbr03 replied: you have no respect for women 

@jjmaybitch commented: @johnbr03 blocking the view gtfo 

@jjmaybitch commented: baby you’re so pretty @y/n ur ok

 You+Pope: 

@jjmaybitch commented: pope you’re so handsome i love you 

@jjmaybitch commented: @thepope3141 husband material 

@jjmaybitch commented: pope get yo skinny ass out of the way 

@jjmaybitch commented: our son looks great here baby 

You+All The Pogues: 

@jjmaybitch commented: family portrait 

@jjmaybitch commented: we are some sexy mfs 

@jjmaybitch commented: pogues 4L 

@jjmaybitch commented: this pic has 2 braincells and they all belong to pope 

@jjmaybitch commented: everybody looks normal and me n u look so gone 💀

@jjmaybitch commented: kooks got NOTHING on us 

@jjmaybitch commented: i am the sexiest out of everybody NO CAP 

[sanjuno]

So a thing happened

Hey, so who remembers me saying that “Wildfire Hearts” was a one shot and I wasn’t gonna create an entire crew of OCs for a one shot?

... I’m weak and think too much so here have a crew list.

SHIP: Days of Reckoning

CREW: The Anarchy Pirates

Captain: Portgas D Riot | “Wildfire” Riot

Technically South Blue by way of his mother and birthplace, East Blue by way of his father and part of his childhood

Has eaten the Legendary Logia - Mera Mera no Mi, Model: Ghostfire (because “Hotarubi” reminds me of bog lights.)

Will never admit to anyone what happened in the canon timeline

Wants to bang Marco the Phoenix like a screen door in a hurricane

Completely out of fucks to give

Has died once already and fears nothing

First Mate: Ranger Dustin

Literally a cowboy

From East Blue

If Jesse McCree was a pirate this is the pirate he’d be

Has a Seahorse, likes to rope Seakings when he’s bored

Has roped and tied his crewmates and Captain to stop them from doing a Dumb more than once

Main weapons are his lassos and his ability to suplex a rowdy Seaking, but he’s also got a decent quickdraw – he shoots from the hip!

Hat-tip to Dusty – we loved you before you had a real name, white cowboy hat pirate man

Quartermaster: Occhio D Vittoria

Clairvoyant Clearfin Lionfish Mermaid

A “first generation” D – the D means “Drowned”

Technically an Author-SI but shh that’s a secret so she says she’s from Fishman Island

She’s basically a waterbender but only with seawater

Old enough to have legs and that’s all you need to know

Probably a witch actually

Spends a significant amount of time yelling at the Sea – please don’t freak out when the Sea starts arguing back if it happens just roll with it

Navigator: Kele of Shandora

Shandorian from a tribe that migrated away from the main Sky Island to an arpeggio to get some distance from the fighting

Has eyes tattooed on his eyelids for the lols

Black hair and black eyes, swarthy skin, many tattoos

He swol but built rangy like an alley cat

Has a magic compass

Fell off the Shandora arpeggio when trying to catch a seaturtle as a birthday present for his mother

Has pearl beads in his hair

HC that people from the Sky Islands have hollow bones, so Kele looks scary but is actually comparatively fragile.

Pirate married to Hilda and Tern

Cannoneer: Svan Hilda

Former North Blue noble

Platinum blonde with red eyes, very pale skin

Jacked like whoa – this woman can bench-press both her husbands and the main cannon at the same time

Also very tol

Really likes it when her “little surprises” make a bigger boom than the other guy’s

Frequently kidnapped by other pirate crews; proceeds to take them over through brute force and broken arms before absconding with their loot before they regain consciousness

Pirate Married to Kele and Tern

Bladesmith: Heel Tern

Why are there so many knives?

East Blue native and exactly as stubborn as you think that means

Light brown hair and dark brown eyes, tanned

Basically immune to fire because of Armament before Riot drags him out of East Blue because he started playing with burning coals before he was old enough to know better

Pirate married to Kele and Hilda

Doctor: Angelo Merci

Always smiling. Always.

Lost her medical license when she “accidently” slipped with her scalpel during surgery on a World Noble who was “fond of children”

Originally from West Blue

Technically was supposed to get killed for that but shanked the Marine escort and bolted before the order was given

Pink curly hair and green eyes, dark brown skin

Swordsman: Iago Montoya

Is basically what happens when a flamenco dancer and a swashbuckler have a baby

Very Dramatic Person

From South Blue

Dark purple hair and bright purple eyes, dark tan skin

Is BFFs forever with the Badu Brothers

Likes to accuse his opponents of killing his father to “set the proper mood!” even though Mr. Iago Sr. is running a popular theatre back in his hometown

Shipwrights: Ghal Friday and Mahn Gull

They are both from Water 7 but moved to East Blue as children

Friday looks like a dairy maid pin-up and has a grip that can crush cinderblocks barehanded

Has orange hair and blue eyes, tanned with freckles

Gull is really fond of secret passages and trapdoors

Has dark grey hair and overly large orange eyes, pasty from spending as much time as possible inside the ship

Friday and Gull are either married or co-dependant. We dunno for sure and we’re too scared to ask

They will finish each other’s sentences… and sandwiches.

They share only one braincell and it’s usually occupied with ship maintenance

Bard | Chronicler: Tarone Deff

A Lobster Fishman

From Fishman Island, obvs

His swimmerets have pseudo-hands that he uses to play instruments that need digits

Mostly a singer and percussion player tho

Has perfect pitch and can imitate voices really well

Musician: Dandy Leon

Has a massive embarrassing crush on Badur Mofu

Fails hard at flirting when he likes someone but gets like six different denden codes when he’s schmoozing for clothing discounts

Believes that every fight should have a musical score

Plays instruments beautifully, sounds like a dying cat when he tries to sing

Tucks his shirt into his pants but then leaves it unbuttoned so he can show off his “assets”

Fights with a giant fucking axe wtf you twee little bastard where were you keeping that?

Sniper: Mark Tagger

Has a telescope that is the same size as his rifle, and carries them both on his back in a harness, and that has caused some interesting incidents when he mixes them up by grabbing the wrong one

Best artist of the crew, so he helps Kele make the maps

Rainbow dreadlocks and black skin

Never seen without his visor on

Wears massively oversized shirts – I have no idea if he’s got pants on your guess is as good as mine

Cooks: Badur Mofu and Badur Asif

Twins – have recent Artic Wolf Mink Ancestry that makes them look feral, but far enough removed from it that they’re mostly human

White hair, gold eyes, claws, fangs, and slightly off proportions

Badur Asif talks, Badur Mofu doesn’t talk

Enhanced senses mean they are super strict about seasonings

Lookout | Spymaster: Long Conner

Extremely farsighted – can see an approaching ship 3 days away, cannot see own shoelaces

Learned hypnosis and grifting from his granny

Has a very trustworthy face

He is a lying liar who lies

Apprentice Captains:

Portgas D Ace

Born Gol, took mother’s family name instead

Ate the Mera Mera no Mi because he was shipwrecked and forgot to pay attention to what he was eating

Portgas D Sabo

A “First Generation” D

Formerly Outlook, forgot this due to brain trauma

Joined the crew at 13 when the Anarchy Pirates stole him from the Revolutionary Army

Ate the Yami Yami no Mi because Luffy did a Dumb Thing

Portgas D Luffy

Formerly Monkey

Ate the Gomu Gomu no Mi because he thought it was a desert

Gonna be the next King of Pirates

[reversecreek]

🍷 😳 💋 😱 ✨ 😡 😬 😢 😁 💕 for any pairings. love u so much thats why im going unhinged in ur inbox.

send  🍷  for  a  drunk  text  from  my  muse

cricket [sent at 11.58pm]: i heard u had to go earli wtffs up with taht i’ms inging halleujah in ur honor and it’s gonna be really hearftel tbh more so thane ver before that’s all i’m gonna say about it

cricket [sent at 11.59pm]: wtf? *early idk why i spelt it like charli xcx LMAO but she does have some godo songs tbh.. man isshe still alive? i’m worriedabout her

send  😳  for  an  embarrassing  text  from  my  muse

ziggy [sent at 8.22pm]: [ attached an image ]

ziggy [sent at 8.22pm]: yooooo wrong contact lmfao thas literally my dick

ziggy [sent at 8.23pm]: aint tryna gloat i kno u got dem small dick troubles n shit apologies n all that typa stuff not tryna make u cry over ur sad lil shrimp cock

send  💋  for  a  flirty  text  from  my  muse

nyla [sent at 9.07pm]: WORRIED 4 the state of ur lips some1 said they were chapped is tht TRUE? ? ? plz come find me im wring lip balm tht tastes like 🍋 :) i can fix u

send  😱  for  a  scared  text  from  my  muse

magda [sent at 3.12am]: please help me vivi please fucking help me. it’s my tits. they’re multiplying. they’re getting bigger as i type this. they’re fucking smothering me i can barely gasp for air send an ambulance send a fucking ambulance this is my final messa

send  ✨  for  a  random  text  from  my  muse

nyla [sent at 6.02am]: howdy “beau” u said u wnted 2 float me away in a hot air balloon so id burst in2 flames on the sun in ym “dream” did u mean it? ? ? :( :P HEHEHEHEHEHEHHE

nyla [sent at 6.03am]: oh sorry jst thought abt smthn funny :) don’t u love when tht happenz?

send  😡  for  an  angry  text  from  my  muse

magda [sent at 7.14pm]: i’ll fucking kill you little boy

magda [sent at 7.14pm]: oh lmfao thought that’d send anonymously with this app so that’s kind of fucked up ig

send  😬  for  a  worried  text  from  my  muse

cricket [sent at 10.39am]: hey beau

cricket [sent at 10.39am]: sorry for being kinda weird on those texts last night LMAO idk why i was so worried about charli xcx i even woke up this morning to this search on my phone

cricket [sent at 10.40am]: [ screenshot of his safari open on ‘is charli xcx alive?’]

cricket [sent at 10.41am]: anyway u weren’t gonna upload that karaoke vid from earlier in the night anywhere right? apparently i was really dancing n shit n i’m kinda stressed to be completely honest LMAO not sure what kinda horrors were unleashed

send  😢  for  a  sad  text  from  my  muse

ziggy [sent at 4.11am]: vivi u know i didnt send that shit right

ziggy [sent at 4.13am]: might b an asshole but i wouldnt do that to u

ziggy [sent at 4.47am]: man forget it dunno why i fuckin bother

send  😁  for  a  happy  text  from  my  muse

bradley [sent at 8.44pm]: Hello, ugly bastard phallus. You are cordially invited to witness Bradley Milligan doing donuts with your car in the Target parking lot. Please arrive within the next fifteen minutes. If you do not show up to this event she will be revving 100mph off a cliff to give the seahorses a new accommodation available for brothel conversion. Thank-you for your time, froggy cunt. 

send  💕  for  a  loving  text  from  my  muse

magda [sent at 12.01am]: u weren’t as annoying at practice tonight keep up the hard work boo or whatever ur name is

magda [sent at 12.01am]: ugh

magda [sent at 12.02am]: sending that pissed me off imagining u reading it so nvm consider ur hard work undone

[isabelisfun]

masked singer guesses

crocodile- some boy band guy idk

baby alien- i would say mathew broderick even tho it’s a little on the nose, the judges guesses all make sense to me

seahorse- ok so she’s like a fr singer it seems, tori kelly maybe? omg these guesses are terrible it doesn’t sound like any of them

whatchamacallit- someone on dancing with the stars and who might have a connection with sarah palin. uh maybe it’s donald glover? idk that doesn’t really make sense. all the guesses are pretty good except it’s definitely not tyler the creator

the serpent - someone with a famous father or a jr? ok wow it’s someone who’s really good i think a professional singer. WAIT YAH LESLIE ODOM JR IS A REALLY GOOD GUESS, also i saw someone say christopher jackson which i could definitely see

gremlin- someone who has a potentially problematic past, i really have no clue, someone very old

uhm wtf is happening this man was really like “i’m too old and too tired for this it’s too hot i’m done”

that was a little weird but ok

[adam-is-suffering]

What I know of the trolls (pt 2)

TEREZI PYROPE

- Deadass? I thought at first these were just her eyes and not glasses and I was about to up her on the ranks of “best of the best” 

- So she likes to interrogate? Thats interesting.

- She’s the one who people ship with Nepeta

- Aaand I remember her from a convo with my sister’s gf about her horns I think

- The server is obsessed with Terezi, they have all right to be

- Know what else is interesting? Apparently she hangs her stuffed animals out the window and I strive to be that chaotic as a child

- God she fights with her walking stick? Goddamn respect, I’m gonna guess she’s blind then

- Apparently she licks things to see? Power move.

- She has the biggest dick energy I’ve ever seen

VRISKA SERKERT

- Does she even need a take on her character? I’ve heard the discourse, I probably read it unknowingly before, I know how she works.

- I was shat on because I said Undertale’s Megalovania was from the game, and a Homestuck came up to me like “pussy, its Vriska” so yknow

- But I will sum up what the discourse said:

- She killed a few people, some are mad. But apparently others are apologists because of her upbringing and importance to the comic. And how she solves a big problem at some point to help others? But then she also killed, so yknow. I have no idea what to say about her until I read it, so I’ll keep this post fucking absent of opinion before I get mauled by hungry and starved Vriska discoursers.

EQUIUS ZAHHAK

- BRUH WTF IS THIS

- Who the fuck uses this as the first image after searching for his name YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARDS

- So this was probably the worst thing to happen so far and I havent even started. Fucking goddamnit.

- So this is saggy tits, he was the first character I was introduced to on the server. Best friends with Nepeta, the diamond thingy.

- God great just fantastic

- But imagine I didnt see this, then I would assume he just loved being strong and playing with his bow and arrow. I saw a few pieces of fanart, and his dad … his dad is hot lemme just tell you

- Man.. fuck. Did he trip? Is that how he died?

- Well at least I don’t know when this happens.

GAMZEE MAKARA

- Well youre crazy

- Or either you just got hurt, and you’re just trying to assure everyone that “I’m fine it doesnt hurt” in which case, of course, Gamzee. You look just fine.

- But I still think you’re a little crazy.

- And a clown (though probably a juggalo by the looks of things)

- Apparently clowns rule the government so hey, got that going for yourself

- I first thought he had a cow theme but was corrected of course

- This is a fave character of a few people, I think, while the others.. don’t like him? Understandable. Idk where I stand though.

- But I did read smth cursed on his character which I will not say bc even if I suggest this blog to be 18+, there’s still limits

- He also likes juggling

- Obviously what else did I expect from that? That he liked politics instead?

- And I think he drinks too goddamn it, theyre all alcoholics

- Someone is very passionate about making Gamzee seem less of a crazy troll but hey, I’d read that if I didn’t want to be spoiled more

ERIDAN AMPORA

- Okay who told you it was okay to ride a seahorse and hold a gun in the middle of a thunder storm while also being a fish who resembles that one guy from Danganronpa?

- A loser is what lol

- Nah real question, how are you even holding onto the seahorse? Like I get the saddle and the ropes, but the way its placed just seems like you can slip off at any given moment.

- Also people are putting him in dresses, idk if thats his interest or just a thing the fandom likes to do

- Honestly you never know tbh

- He’s literally just a hipster fish I’m not sure what else there is to say

- He gives douchebag energy? Is that what you want?

- Man, one of the tags on the search just says “Sad” are you okay fish Eridan? Do you want to talk about it?

- Oh and his brother Cronus? I just watched a video of him dancing shirtless and I haven’t been the same since

FEFERI PEIXES

- She can breath underwater, I can see that

- She also looks like she’s cute but hiding her trident behind her back ready to stab a bitch, probably thinking you won’t see the blatant weapon

- Thats what the evil look is for

- Maybe she’s that “im kind until ill stab ya” kinda gal

- Yknow, the usual

- I do like her skirt though, I think she’s the most colourful here. Everyone else is emo, especially Karkat

- Aw the squid in the back is cute tho

- Also why are you swimming with clothes and shoes in the first place? They waterproof?

- Idk much about her. Like there’s nothing at all. Why is there minimal info and art of this one lol?

[anunvalidcritic]

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER VERSE

                                                MOVIE REVIEW

(DISCLAIMER: MY OPINION IS MY OWN AND CAN BE DEEMED INVALID TO THOSE WHO DON’T CARE FOR IT.)

June 27th, 2019 the year of our Lord (whichever one that may be) I watch a spectacular movie that I can truly say that the awards won were well deserved. Spider-Man was the first superhero I can truly say I looked up too and he’s super duper awesome my dudes. I plan on rewatching the movie again so I can complete this post.

Man, this post is gonna be extremely long but it’s totally worth it!

I FUCKING LOOOVVVEEE THIS INTRO MAAAAAAANNNNN!!

“With great powers come great responsibility” - UNCLE BEN

AHHHHH THEY DID THE SPIDER-MAN 3 DANCE DEAD

YOU’RE MY SUNFLOWER!!!!!!!

The love that his parents give is amazing.

I’m glad to see an ethnic spiderman its dope that he speaks Spanish and English.

I understand that Spider-man is a vigilante

“With accountability comes great accountability“ - JEFFERSON DAVIS

He didn’t have to do MILES like that lol

DEAD THAT CLASS WAS QUIET AF

AYYYEEE THE CITY IS BUMPIN’ TONIGHT!!!!!

LOL MILES needs to get his face off that window.

Ayyee black people really do that stuff with that chill talkin’ being all smooth and shiiii ROFL

OOFFF

AHHH SHIT IT’S GOING DOWN WITH THE GRAFFITI AND THE SPIDER

SPIDER BITE

LMFAO BOOP!

Damn his roommate just loves to study.

That is a lot of sweat tho

“I’M A MAN.“ - MILES

Haircut looks cool though if you ask me.

“EVERYONE KNOWS!” - MILES

“WOAH SHE’S TALL” - MILES

PETER droppin’ bops huh??

OOOO THAT LANDING WAS EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was some freaky shit when that spider glitched though. It kinda turned into a thriller movie for a minute.

DAAAMMMNNN a normal person would be dead

“Stanton Island maybe but not Brooklyn!” - PETER

You better catch him!!!

he better not say you only get one of th…….. AAAHHHHH HE SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE FUCKING SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!

PROWLER got a lot of balls flyin’ up on him like that.

WILSON FISK IS TOOOO FUCKIN’ BIG!!!!!!!

Dang, these glitches remind me of when Vanellelope has hers. (I think her name is spelled wrong but it’s whatever at this point.)

You know whenever people make promises they sometimes are hard to keep.

WTF HE’S BLONDE!!!!!!!! WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS MOTHERFUCKER JUST KILLED… AHHHHHHH

ROFL “Yeah I think it’s a BANKSY.” - BYSTANDER

RIO is the sweetest mom ever.

PETER should not have gone out that way! MAAAAANNNNNN

STAN LEE R.I.P

Boy, you better not jump off that building that black in you bette… LOL, HE TOOK HIS ASS RIGHT BACK DOWN!

damn, he messed up the hard-drive.

Aww, I love that ominous blue and red lighting… good symbolism.

PETER B. PARKER

Spider-Man for the last 22 years

blah blah blah workin’ hard and fallin’ in love

15 years past

buried Aunt May

Split up with MJ

Seahorses mate for life 

“Could you image a seahorse seeing another seahorse… and then making it work.” - PETER B PARKER

pizza is life

YEAH, THAT BLONDE SHIT THREW ME FOR A LOOP TOO!

“Adios” - MILES

DAAAMMMNN he didn’t have to do PETER B like that!

“Looks like a child dressed like spider-man dragging a homeless corpse behind a train.” - POLICE OFFICER

Aye, I fuck with the song that was being played through that guy’s headphones even though I don’t even know what it was. 

“Why is your body another shape” - MILES damn that’s fucked up 

GOOODDDDDAMMMMN THAT GLITCH FUCKED HIM UP!

These fucking sweatpants man

“DON’T PLAY WITH ME.“ - MILES (black people love that line lol)

“You good with that Spider-Man?!“ - MILES

“In my universe, this place closed 6 years ago. I don’t know why.” - PETER B PARKER (Probably because the restaurant has a C rating)

Was lowkey waiting for a roach to crawl across something 

I LOVE THIS SONG!

“Spider-Man doesn’t wear a cape.” - MILES (He doesn’t wear sweatpants either)

How tf did WILSON FISK get his BIG ASS INTO THAT CAR?!?!?!

lol his booty jiggled a bit hehehehehe

hold up this chick sound like Jessie from Toy Story…

WOAH either she a freak or she likes pushing people

“And I for one can’t wait to watch.” - DR. OC (WTF DID SHE JUST SAY!!)

LOL, HE HIT ‘EM WITH THE ‘HEY’.

Aww, they’re having a bonding moment! 

GWEN STAC(E)Y UP IN THIS BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last 2 years

Joined a band

Saved her dad

Couldn’t save her PETER PARKER

Doesn’t do friends to save herself feeling.

Oh, we’re getting a little WILSON FISK flashback.

Damn, why is she driving so fast…

Something like that was bound to happen I’m sorry to say. 

This dude really got some board shoulders.

SPIDER PEOPLE

Why does PETER B PARKER have on two different types of shoes?

BRUH AUNT MAY CAME FOR HIM!

DAAAANNNGG AUNT MAY THUGGIN’ HUH!?!?!?!?!

TRIGGERED

DEAD AUNT MAY has “HELLO MY NAME IS …” cards

“Wherever I go, the wind follows.” - SPIDER-MAN NOIR

BRUH JOHN MAOULNEY

SPIDER-MAN NOIR

Year: 1933 

Job: Private Eye

Likes: Drinking egg creams and fighting Nazis (A LOT)

“Sometimes I let matches burn down to my fingertips just to feel something anything.”

PENI PARKER SPIDER

Year: 3145

Has a psychic link with a spider that lives inside of her father’s robot.

Lost her father

BEST BUDS FOR LIFE

SPIDER-HAM

PETER PORKER

Bitten by a radioactive pig 

Photographer for the Daily Beagle

Usually, when he’s not working like a dog he chasing a story

Likes to frolic and dance while doing it in his pants. 

SAD FACE EMOJI

if stitch had a glitch lol

PETER B PARKER really puttin’ MILES on blast. 

STOP FUCKING CROWDING HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

This movie is back on their spooky ooky shit

Damn only if he knew his uncle was the PROWLER...

LOL, THAT MUSIC!!!!!!!!!

RUN BOY RUN THIS WORLD ISN’T MEAN FOR YOU!

BRUH PENI’S FACE!!!

“This is a pretty hardcore origin story.“ - SPIDER-MAN NOIR

“We don’t pick the ballroom we just dance.” - SPIDER-MAN NOIR

OOOFFF WHEN AUNT MAY SAYS TAKE IT OUTSIDE SHE MEANS IT!

Of course, MILES dad is on the way

OH, SHIT SHOW HIM YOUR FUCKING FACE!!!

OH, FUCK!!!!!!

How the fuck you gonna be flying around without some type of bulletproof vest. DAMN SMH

Man, a kid should not be seeing someone die right in front of them. 

JEFFERSON didn’t deserve to find his brother that way. 

I’m glad they’re having a heart to heart to him. But that room is too small

“MILES the hardest part about this job is that you can’t save everyone“ - SPIDER-HAM

“Do animals talk in this dimension because I don’t want to freak him out.“ - SPIDER-HAM

Let the bodies hit the floor. 

“A leap of faith” - PETER B PARKER

At least his dad came by to speak to him.

He had that boy fucked up again!

AUNT MAY A THUG BRO!!!!

THIS SONG IS GETTIN’ ME HYPED UP AND I’M NOT EVEN IN THE FUCKING MOVIE!

Man them taking the bus is really killin’ me

Bruh the waiter

ROFL

BATTLE ROYALE BABY!!!!

YEAH MILES

“Do you have a problem with cartoons?!?!” - SPIDER-HAM

PENI I’m sorry to say but your BUD FOR LIFE is gone.

MILES is a smooth criminal!!

WILSON FISK BIG MAD!!

I find it so cool that each time they jumped back into the portal it was reflected off of them.

ROFL “That’s all folks” “Is he allowed to say that legally?”

WILSON FISK always tryin’ to hurt somebody damn!

NOBODY TOOK YOUR FUCKING FAMILY BITCH THAT WAS YOU! IF YOU TRULY KNEW YOUR WIFE YOU WOULD’VE KNOWN THAT SHE DIDNT GET JIGGY WITH THAT SHIT PERIOD!

THE SHOULDER TOUCH

MILES did that (with help of course)

C-Mobile = T-Moblie hehehehehehe

BRUH HE DID WILSON FISK DIRTY!!!

MILES MORALES

SPIDER-MAN for 2 days

Finally, finished his essay

Saved a lot of people

Spent time with his father

Got hit by a drone as well

Had a proper meeting with his roommate

Slapped his sticker where his dad won’t find it

Will always remember his friends. 

“Anyone can wear the mask. You can wear the mask. If you didn’t know that before I hope you know that now.“ SPIDER-MAN (MILES)

_________________________________

Y’ALL THERE WAS A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM! Everything and I mean EVERYTHING! So thankful I was able to salvage a little bit of it back. I really do wish I was able to get what I said at the end because I meant it. :( 

_________________________________

EDIT: I was fast forwarding through the movie to get it off of my “continue watching” list and I discovered something at the end! So I’ll be making a bit of an edit. (This is a reminder that you need to ALWAYS STAY AT THE END OF EVERY MARVEL! (smh I made a rookie mistake))

James Blake has such an amazing voice

MEANWHILE IN NUEVA YORK

“I was gone for less than 2 hours.” - MAN

THE BEST LESS 2 HOURS OF MY LIFE!

oooo the man’s name is MIGUEL 

Earth ‘67

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH THE MEME THE MEME!!!!!!!!!!

“How dare you point at me!” - SPIDER-MAN

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 65 - 61

65. Michael Schulte - “You let me walk alone” Germany 2018

[2018 Review Here] (shared with Eugent)

When Germany revealed this homely carrot top  as their entrant I of course IMMEDIATELY rolled my eyes at it. Discount Ed Sheeran, GTFO!! Idk what the general lowdown on Ed Sheeran is, but good lord that man is responsible for some really BORING and GENERIC music (I will never get the obsession with “Perfect”, ever.) and as you can expect that also bled into my initial opinon of Michael.

However, two things. A of all, “You let me walk alone” is a much better song because it is actually VERY catchy, in a good way. ONE love / TWO hearts /  THREE kids / LOVING mum is among the more memorable hooks in this decade. 

Secondly, Michael’s emotion is *real*. This is a song about his coping with his dead father and well... I am not made from stone. Dude was in GENUINE TEARS during the endgame!! And as someone who deeply loves his father, I can definitely empathize with that message on a personal level.

There are better songs around. There are better performers around. There is better emotional pull left in this ranking. Regardless, Michael was able to stun me into teary-eyed silence and that is a feat which earns nothing less than RESPECT.

________________________________________________________________

64. Softengine - “Something better” Finland 2014

FANTASTIC INDIE ANGELS <333 The appreciation I have to Softengine I have is obvious, yes? Highly energetic indie rock song from one of my favourite Eurovision countries. 😍 That also did VERY well because it’s genuinely that good. Take THAT Finland bullies!!! #HeyaSuomi

However, Softengine offer even more than just a kickass rock song. They offer some of my favourite song lyrics ever? They are both puzzlingly weird and endearingly ESL Even Human Bound People Rolling Dice Such A Novel Life She Thought While Knowing Nothing At All~

What on earth is Topi singing about? 😍 Well actually, it’s the story of an old man looking back at the life he’s had and.. It actually has a LOT of emotional pull wtf? Take a look at the bridge: 

ALL THESE WORDS SHE MEANT TO SAY TO ME

ALL THESE WORDS AGAINST MY FAITH

ALL THESE WORDS BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY

ALL THESE WORDS  WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER CHANGE

A wonderful display of juvenile energy that has me coming back craving for me. SHOULD HAVE BEEN TOP 10 but lol it’s Finland when is Finland not getting bullied by people with no taste. 😭

________________________________________________________________

63. Litesound - “We are the heroes” Belarus 2012

More rock angels. 😍 However, Litesound rank on the other end of the quality spectrum, being great because of their incompetence.  

Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything more endearing when the inept give it their all, completely oblivious to their amateurism, a description which -let’s be honest- is “Belarus in Eurovision” is in a nutshell 😍. Well that plus the hilariously rigged NF, remember that ALYONA LANSKAYA originally won Litesound’s NF and then had to bequeath her spot to them when her voting fraud was exposed. 😍 It’s not even the most hilariously rigged NF of the decade though, omg YES we shall discuss that whenever it’s “Samo shampioni’s” turn. 😈

Anyway, Litesound bring the a double whammy of hilarity with some A+ Bad English diction (let us all sing along)

WONEVER STEN INDO AR WEH WHEEL MEK IT FRU DE DEH CUZ WE AR DA WEINERS WE AR DA GEEROS

WIR BRACKING DOWN DA WALLZ GODDA HIT DE MALL CUZ WE ARE DA GEEROS WE ARE DA DRIMURS

and the fact that all Litesound members look like animals, introducing:

The seahorse

The afghan greyhound

the mongoose

and of course Dima who might be the lovechild of Alsou and an ostrich. 😍

All of this may make you believe I merely stan Litesound on an ironic level, but I actually LOVE them on an unironic level too. “We are the heroes” is a fun, futuristic electronic rock rollercoaster and Litesound strike a perfect balance between good song, disarming incompetence and going ALL OUT in proving themselves as high quality, laced with high voltage addictive rock beats. SO, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO, I’LL MAKE IT ALL RIGHT! I’M BRACKING DOWN THE WALLS, THEY ARE THE *HEROES*

________________________________________________________________

62. Justs - “Heartbeat” Latvia 2016

AGE OF AMINATA <3 what a glorious two-piece act in the herstory of Latvia. To Latvia’s credit they completely reinvented themselves in the Supernova Era, usually resulting in bold entries (and Carousel). 

If "Love injected” was the earthquake that shook Latvia AWAKE with her experimental masterpieces, then "Heartbeat” is the aftershock, providing the same avant garde novelty, but not as impactful with a lesser impact. 

However, to recycle a phrase i’ve already used multiple times, a lesser Aminata is still fucking awesome. “Heartbeat” packs a massive emotional punch, being more aggressive and volatile than its predecessor, which... works out fine actually. Killer lines such as:

YOU’RE MY DESIRE AND MY PAIN BUT ALL THE BATTLES ARE IN VAIN YOU MEAN MORE THAN ANYTHING TO  MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

need an emotionally intense delivery and Justs fucking GOES for it without any inhibitions for his own health and safety 

and with every passing second

he gets more into the zone

right until the end, when he LOSES his voice and is reduced to panting an aspirated ”thank you”. 😍 If you’re going to sing about lost love, you’d better do it by also SCREAMING YOUR LUNGS OUT <3

________________________________________________________________

61. Hatari - “Hatrið mun sigra” Iceland 2019

God I’ve been dreading this write-up. Not because of the Hatari stans (lol who is going to complain about getting ranked 61st out of 408), but can I do Hatari justice in print? Hatari weren’t as much as an entry as they were the fiery spirit of mischief, an existential manifestation of defiance, a gestalt of provocative resistance, all contained in the tiny package of two asshole hellraisers.  Yes, assholes.  You see, the one thing you NEED to understand before everything else is that Hatari’s poetic palestine shawl moment is one of grade A assholery. Pulling that at the last sec towards their hosts WAS a dick move and Hatari were fully aware of it. We MUST see this as a fact before we discuss anything else that is also Hatari-related.

However, that’s precisely the point? Provocation was the sensation that swept the icelandic nation and its idolization became Hatari’s vocation with dedication and its application in the humiliation and the vexation of the Israeli station in support of the Palestine civilization, leaving KAN in devastation after months of the rabid disorganization was a justification well worth the potential probation. In other words: GET REKT KAN SHIT HOSTS HOPE U GET BLACKLISTED LOLOL #Hatredwon 😈 😈. 

ps: still getting the Israelis to cheer for them despite being OPENLY pro-palestine when will ur faves.

~My reasons~ for ranking Hatari lower post-show are less grounded in the politics (again, they were jerks but... that’s also the entire point of sending Hatari lmfao) and more determined by the actual live performance: I thought Klemens was underwhelming and his parts of “Hatrið mun sigra” were also the fave bits. 😭 On the flipside I thought Matthias was excellent (when he didn’t miss his cue) and I legit laugh out loud each time I see his hilarious OTT facial expressions.

What a justified use of guyliner <3 The act was yet again a diabolically brilliant clanging of chains, bashing of mallets, grinding of gears, steaming of punk, a satanic cirque du soleil come to rain justice and brimstone down on our hopeless souls. Hatari were the anti-heroes we needed and don’t deserve.

ps: i hope i will ever find someone who loves me as much as Klemens loves Teresa May. 

Iceland’s chart looks much better than I thought it would, but the averages actually put them somewhere in the middle on average. Iceland are always hit-or-miss for me, much moreso in the 2010s than in any other decade and it’s largely down to them failing to pick the best available option because, you know, BadTastitis. 

the next update... will be the FINAL one in this shade of green :o  Yes, we are about to move on to the highest, upperest, bestest tier of Eurovision entries. The mind-blowingly amazing entries that are not off this fucking world. Find out who makes the cut and who doesn’t TOMORROW :o

[tumblunni]

Actually why have we never had an ‘all male race’ where all of them have uteruses?

Like seriously, biologically in the real world its infinately more likely for a ‘one gender race’ to be all of the female sex, or all hermaphrodites or capable of asexual reproduction. SOME sort of reproduction. And as humans we’d probably define any creature with that function as “the female”, but why would they necessarily see themselves that way? We have nothing to use as reference to imagine this situation, since we can’t talk to animals and ask how they conceptualize their own genders socially. And its not like dividing them by sex works perfectly all the time, there are many species that simply do not have ‘male or female’, but instead ‘three fertilizing sexes and one that gives birth’ or ‘one that fertilizes and one that gives birth but they both have a penis’ or ‘one that fertilizes and one that makes the egg but then the egg is injected into the fertilizer who carries it in a form of pregnancy even though most fish don’t friggin do that, seriously wtf is a fuckin seahorse’

So like.. if all of fantasy has  fuckin hard-on for the idea of an ‘all male race’ which literally cannot exist in real life, why not instead define it as a race that only has the male identity regardless of how they reproduce? ...and I mean DONT do the cliche of “they don’t have a physical sex yet theyre all male instead of nonbinary simply because we dont aknowledge the nonbinar identity/we believe male is the default state of a human being somehow even though literally we have proof that all embryos begin as biologically female in the earliest stage of defevopment”

man im going off on a lot of tangeants here actually ALSO wouldnt it be interesting to have a race of creatures who have two biological sexes yet still only one gender, or no concept of societal gender roles at all? or even just like ‘yeah we call those two things male and female but we dont assign any greater meaning to it outside of sex’. just a cool fictional culture that has no stereotypes, like a goal of what we might be someday, i guess.

also it would be cool to see a fictional culture based on those animal species that have multiple distinct biological variations for a single sex. like there’s literally a bird that has three genders, even if only two sets of genitals. There’s two biologically distinct variations of male with different plumeage colour, size and ability. One is like super buff and one is super tiny, and then they tend to mate in trios. And of course there’s bees and other ‘queen type’ insects where there’s huuuuuge variety of different sized and shaped ladies who specialize in different aspects of keeping this massive communal living space working. And I’d even say that honestly they have three sexes, not just multiple groups within the same sexes. Most of the females are born infertile and just serve as different worker types, the queens aren’t just female but are also the only females capable of actually breeding. I’d say in this species the two are separate enough to hardly even be classified as both simply “female”. and then there’s stuff like clownfish where being female is actually a job type rather than a sex, really?? like they can literally biologically transition, as a normal part of their life cycle. they all start off male and kinda have a bee-esque queen who secretes pheromones that stops anyone else from turning female. and then when she dies whichever of the males wins the fight to become female first will take the new role as the queen. TRANSITION GLADITORIAL COMBAT! the animal kingdom is SO WEIRD! I mean seriously imagine that in human terms, you have a whole kingdom of dudes and the queen is like “yo literally everyone is legally required to fuck me whenever i want” and also everybody is each other’s brother. And then at the funeral you all grab your swords and race towards a HRT doctor who only has room for one patient. And then you come out of the hospital like “haha, finally, I’m able to fuck all my own brothers now! the highest honor in all the kingdom!” ....actually please nobody make this one particular thing into a story, that sounds a bit much.