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bookwormscififan · 6 months

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The Masks We Have Wear Thin, Part 1

Read on AO3!

For @iamvegorott

A/N: So the other night I had a dream that Veg wrote a great fic about Phantom getting a new boyfriend after Jackie disappeared without a word. I proceeded to tell Veg about the fic when I woke up, and they insisted I write it instead.

Warnings: This chapter has some light smut, and sexual references. Please don't read this is you're under 18. I don't want to be responsible for messing up people.

He’d given his heart to a man that let him believe he was safe. He’d placed all his trust in Jackie, given him everything, made his entire being Jackie. His first thought in the morning was Jackie, and his final thought before sleeping was Jackie.

And then… Jackie had disappeared. No words, just one day he woke up and everything Jackie owned was gone.

Phantom had spent the first weeks tearing himself apart trying to find Jackie, then he had spent days agonising over the state of his heart.

Then he decided the man wasn’t worth the pain.

The first months were hell, like going off an addiction but someone had cranked the withdrawals up to 100. His chest ached, his muscles were sore, and he couldn’t sleep. Heartbroken and betrayed, he lived like a ghost, a shell of the snarky man who used to annoy the elderly in the town.

He moved from bar to bar, trying in vain to find someone to make him feel like Jackie did, travelling further and further away from the apartment that the couple had shared.

The one man who made him feel any semblance of normal was a musician named Sean. His blue eyes weren’t as bright as Jackie’s, and his shape wasn’t as defined, but his kisses were electric and his grip was strong. He didn’t care how closed Phantom was, he seemed to only be in the agreement for the sex. Phantom guarded his heart well, keeping his secrets hidden behind flirty comments and sharp innuendos.

As weeks grew into months, Phantom wrapped bitterness and sarcasm around himself like bandaging war wounds, tightening his tie a little more every time he went out. He’d meet Sean almost every night, returning home sore with his neck speckled in purple marks. He slept away the morning, waking at noon to wash and dress, slamming his hands into the shower wall with a broken yell, then mope around the house until it was time to go out.

Eventually Sean moved in with him. Days became brighter, his heart healing as he dragged Sean’s stuff into the house. His walls became filled with band posters and random sheet music tacked into the plaster, small photographs of tasteful angles adorned the bedroom wall and ceiling. Phantom almost felt normal again.

One framed photograph remained on his bedside table, a desperate hold onto the past life lived with Jackie. It was a photo taken by Phantom, captured just after a very long night, flushed cheeks complimenting blown-out blue eyes, lips pulled into an exhausted half smile, hair plastered to his forehead with sweat.

The framing of the photo followed the purple marks on Jackie’s neck down to about the centre of his chest, moonlight reflected in the sweat there. His arms were up, hands on either side of his head, sheets beneath him wrinkled from his grasp on them.

Sean’s photos were less artistic, captured moments of Phantom and himself in varied states of undress, framed to hide the best aspects while catching the most tasteful features. His favourite was of Phantom in the shower, eyes crinkled in a laugh, hand held toward the camera as his mouth shaped a laugh.

----

The rising sun marked almost a year since Jackie’s disappearance, orange rays shining through the sheer curtains covering Phantom’s penthouse windows, casting light across the sleeping figures in the bed, sheets pulled up just enough to cover their lower halves. Sean was asleep on his back, eyes closed tightly and one arm around Phantom’s shoulders, holding him close. Phantom was half sleeping on his own side of the bed, half on Sean, arms wrapped around his waist and face turned away from Sean’s stubbled chin.

Phantom groaned, turning his face into the crook of Sean’s neck, inhaling the scent of sweat and lingering arousal that seemed to follow the couple. Sleepily, he pressed kisses to the man’s skin, softly running his teeth along the tender spots where he’d bitten the night before. His hands slid from Sean’s waist up to his shoulders, fingers tracing the faint muscles beneath the flesh before grasping his biceps. He kept kissing Sean’s neck, moving down to his collarbone as he felt him wake up.

He smirked when Sean hummed, listening to his moan as his arms found their place on Phantom’s waist, tightening their grip as Phantom pressed closer to him, continuing to kiss and nip at Sean’s neck. He opened his eyes, looking into Sean’s lust-blown blue ones with a grin, rocking his hips down as he groaned.

“Fuck, Phantom,” Sean groaned, holding Phantom’s hips in a vice-like grip, chasing the pleasure of Phantom rocking against him first thing in the morning. Closing his eyes, Sean turned his head, searching for Phantom’s lips and moaning when they locked, making out in the light of the morning.

A few more strategic moves against Sean’s hips had both chasing their release, panting heavily when their highs went down. Phantom kept one hand splayed open over Sean’s heart, head tucked back into the crook of his neck as Sean held his waist with one hand and ran the other through his dark locks.

“So, who’s the man in that photo?” Phantom snapped his head up, frame held in his hand as he sat on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but one of Jackie’s old hoodies he’d found in the back of the closet. He sighed, carefully returning the frame to the table before swinging his legs back onto the bed and facing Sean.

“An ex of mine,” he began, avoiding eye contact by looking at the wrinkled sheets beneath them. “He just up and left one day, not a word, took all his things. Except this hoodie,” he mumbled, pulling at the collar of the hoodie with a frown.

“What was his name?” Sean’s hand on the small of his back was comforting, soothing as Phantom blinked away the tears of betrayal threatening to resurface. Of course, he thought, it’s been a year now, hasn’t it?

“Jackie,” he breathed, closing his eyes as his heart ached, pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arms around his knees, tucking his face into the gap. “I made him my everything. He was my existence. I loved him, Sean,” he finished tearfully, pressing his face into his knees as sobs racked through him.

Sean rubbed his back, watching the man with sad eyes. Gently, he pulled Phantom closer so he could wrap his arms around him, holding him tightly as he cried freely into Sean’s shirt, hands releasing his knees so he could clutch at the fabric of his clothes.

“Shh. I’m here, it’s gonna be ok, Phan.” He froze as Phantom stopped crying suddenly, taking in a sharp breath before pulling his head back to look at Sean.

“It’s gonna be ok, Phan.”

Jackie stood on the edge of the balcony railing, balancing on one foot as he held his arms out to his sides, glass of whiskey splashing onto the ground beneath him. Phantom stared, curled in the balcony chair with a glass cradled to his chest, biting his lip in hopes that Jackie wouldn’t fall. They’d been sitting watching the stars that night, sharing a bottle between them. Jackie couldn’t hold his drink as well as Phantom could, and the idea of losing his heart sobered Phantom up pretty fast.

“Please, Jackie,” he begged, voice barely a whisper. “Please come back down. If you fall…” he didn’t finish his sentence, silent tears falling down his cheeks and sighing with relief when Jackie jumped back onto the balcony, dropping to his knees in front of Phantom’s chair. He set his empty glass down, shuffling forward so he could lean his elbows on Phantom’s chair.

“Shh, darling.” He reached forward shakily to sloppily place a fingertip against Phantom’s quivering lip. “I’m here, it’s gonna be ok, Phan.” Pushing himself up, Jackie leaned forward to kiss Phantom, instead falling into his lap with a huff, wrapping his arms around his neck and planting kisses to his exposed collarbone.

Freeing a hand from Sean’s shirt, Phantom reached up to brush Sean’s hair away from his eyes, looking into them with a frown.

“Phan?” Sean stopped when Phantom pushed him away, awkwardly pulling his hoodie down to cover his hips. His heart was pounding, blood rushing to his head and pressure building behind his still-teary eyes.

“You never call me Phan,” he started, voice shaking as he climbed backwards off the bed, backing away from Sean when he reached for him. “We don’t do nicknames. That was our agreement. Only one person ever called me Phan, and he’s—”

“Jackie’s gone,” Sean mumbled, meeting Phantom’s questioning look by pulling the wrinkled blue mask from his pocket. “Jackie’s been gone a long time.” Phantom stared, blinking at the man sitting in his bed. Then it clicked.

He had always known Jackie was using a false name, just like he was, but he’d never asked for the real name, no matter how deeply he’d fallen. This man’s strength, the tender way he touched him, the blue in his eyes… how had he never noticed? His hair was different, a dark brown instead of Jackie’s ridiculous green, but everything else…

“Why did you leave?” he asked, voice breaking as he stared into the eyes of the man he’d loved for years. “Why come back now, under a false name, like a completely different person?” He backed further away, nearer to the window, breathing heavily and shaking his head as Jackie climbed off the bed toward him.

“I can’t explain all this to you now,” Jackie began, holding his hands out to placate Phantom, moving slowly toward him. “I promise you I’ll explain later. I swear to you, Phan, everything will make sense.”

“No! No, explain to me now why you disappeared a year ago. Tell me why you left without a word. Do you know what I went through?! I woke up and you were gone! I thought you’d gone for a run, then I noticed all your shit was gone! Jackie, I—”

He froze as Jackie dashed forward, wrapping his arms around Phantom and holding him close. A shift in the air made Phantom gasp, trying to push Jackie away until he saw the light outside. A blue flash, causing a crashing plane to explode right in front of the window, the blast making the curtains shift.

“What… was that?” Phantom asked when Jackie released him, moving back again as he regarded Jackie with fear in his eyes. “What happened? What did you do?!”

Jackie dropped his arms, stepping back at Phantom’s terrified look. His face crumpled slightly, swiftly being replaced by a neutral expression, covering the pain behind his eyes. He sighed, moving back to sit on the end of the bed, staring at his hands.

“That was a forcefield,” he began slowly, voice low and sour with guilt. “It absorbed the blast of the plane crash so it didn’t land in your house. I saved your life by creating a forcefield to protect you.” He shook his head with a bitter laugh, spitting the sound out like poison. “And now I’ve scared you,” he finished to himself, clenching his fists against his knees.

Phantom stood by the window, trying to stop his nervous shaking as he took in what Jackie had said. Closing his eyes, he took a few deep breaths, waiting for his heart to calm down before slowly stepping forward, stopping a few feet from Jackie.

“What happened to you after you left?” he asked slowly, letting the words out with his shaky exhale, pressing his hands into the bottom of the hoodie as he looked at Jackie, forcing himself not to turn away in fear.

“I wouldn’t have left if I’d had the choice,” Jackie began, keeping Phantom’s gaze. “They’d been slowly taking my stuff over several months. There was nothing I could do to stop them. Then, they took me away one morning, so fast I couldn’t even leave a note. It was some experiment they wanted to test, a sort of super virus to make people stronger. I don’t even remember signing up,” he said, voice breaking as his eyes welled with tears.

Phantom froze, eyes wide as he registered what Jackie had said. His stomach fell as a memory surfaced, and his face paled.

They had had a fight. Something petty, ridiculous really, but it had made Phantom angry enough that he was spending the night in the sitting room, scrolling mindlessly through his laptop.

He stopped as an ad flashed across his screen, fingers hovering over the touchpad before clicking the link.

“We’re looking for volunteers for a clinical experiment,” the site read, no further details apart from an address and a form to fill out.

Phantom hummed to himself, leaning back against the sofa before cracking his neck and filling out the form with Jackie’s details.

A decision made in a moment of anger; he really didn’t think anything would come of it…And soon he’d forgotten he even filled the form.

———

@brokentimewatch

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