#Shiloh.txt

[cambriancrew]

Only sorta syscourse related, but it's an argument I've only ever seen in syscourse, and it's come up a few times recently:

The categorization of Gender Dysphoria as a mental illness was ABSOLUTELY NOT about discriminating against trans people. Instead it was actually a huge leap forward when they changed it from Gender Identity Disorder to Gender Dysphoria, as instead of centering the identity as the problem, it's the distress and dysphoria from gender related issues that's the problem that most trans people deal with.

And it absolutely is a problem. For some, a quite serious problem, one that often requires assistance outside of just HRT and/or gender affirming surgery, particularly if those aren't granted until adulthood - there's the grief of not going through childhood as your true gender and that feeling of loss and of having missed out, trauma from harassment and stigma, abuse from parents and society for not fitting into the right boxes. All of which contributes to ongoing dysphoria issues.

So please. Stop saying the diagnosis of gender dysphoria was made for discrimination. It's not. No more so than any other modern diagnosis in the DSM-V-TR is.

Edited to add: the issue with requiring a diagnosis of gender dysphoria to access gender affirming care is a LEGAL issue, NOT a diagnosis creation issue. Please don't throw dysphoric trans people under the bus. Sincerely, a dysphoric trans member in a cis female body.

[the-indigo-symphony]

the real system rite of passage is helping someone else discover they're a system

[shilohs-things]

Fifteen years ago, my favorite animated movie released in theaters. I saw it two days later; at only 6 years old, seeing the film in 3D, my entire world had been changed.

more under the cut; autistic, passionate ramblings ahead.

How to Train Your Dragon came out at the perfect time for me. A few months before its release, my uncle had gifted me his old PlayStation 1 console, and I'd been blazing through Spyro 3: Year of the Dragon over and over again for weeks. Spyro 3 had kickstarted a deep obsession with dragons. From the day I first started playing it, all I could think about were dragons. If it had dragons on it, I wanted it. This led to other core childhood memories -- the one I recall most being my Dad picking up a book for me: "Dragonology" by Ernest Drake.

I'm still not sure where on Earth he found this book, but all that mattered back then was that it'd ended up in my lap, and it had dragons on it.

As I was known to do, I let my obsession with dragons seep into everything I did. While I wasn't as much of a writer as I am now, back then, whenever my friends asked me to come out and play, I'd always have one non-arguable condition: that I could pretend to be a dragon. Sometimes I was a big, mean, scary dragon, the likes of Smaug or Malefor. Other times, I was a cuddly, curious, likable protagonist dragon, like Spyro. But regardless of what dragon I was during play, all my reptilian escapades gave me a reputation: from my neighborhood to the halls at school, I became the "dragon girl." Kids I didn't know would come up to me and show me dragons. Teachers would print pictures of dragons for me, ask me on and on about them (I'd repeatedly bring my Dragonology book to school in order to show my teacher, and ask her fervently if she believed the "invisible dust" on Page 17 would actually work -- her answer was always "It could, but don't experiment in my classroom, please"). It was heaven for me, being the dragon girl.

My instant gravitation towards anything dragon-related makes the fact that I didn't know about How to Train Your Dragon until two days after its release quite comical. But that was how it went: my sibling, years older than me and already tired of my unshakeable instinct to follow them around everywhere, had been invited to come out and see the movie by a friend of theirs, and had done everything possible to keep me from finding out. But eventually the news found me, and as I ran to them to insist I come along, too, the words they used to try to dissuade me are still fresh in my mind.

"You don't want to watch it, it's a scary dragon movie."

And because I'd heard the word 'dragon', obviously my response was, "COOL!"

I can't remember who paid my way in, but I pray it was our mother, and not my sibling's poor, dear friend. Regardless of who covered my $8 matinee, I sat down in those cushiony theater seats not even an hour later, ready to watch the very first dragon-related film I'd ever seen in my life.

And it just so happens that I witnessed not only my first dragon film, but also the pinaccle of animated movies. In 3D.

To say that How To Train Your Dragon changed my life... despite that the highest bar something fictional could achieve, it still feels like an understatement all these years later. The film was nothing I'd expected it to be; simply having dragons in it was going to be enough, but HTTYD had more. I'll never forget the pure exhilaration of Test Drive in 3D, the way the score swept over the room in quiet and daring moments alike; a story that captivated me, about friendship and finding somewhere you belong. I was lucky enough to not have experienced bullying at that time in my life (or, if I had, was simply too naive to realize it was happening), but I remember watching Hiccup struggle and being able to sympathize with him all the same. And while I may not have been Hiccup down to the mark, I could at least relate to my interpretation of him: the wonder yet anxiety of a world opening up before you, and the pain that was trusted adults looking down at you critically instead of out at that world you saw.

Seeing How To Train Your Dragon in theaters was the best experience I could have had at such a young age. I had truly witnessed something one of a kind, and it was obvious not just to myself back then, but everyone else in the roon with me. A recurring story in my family is literally the fact that I stood up and went "WOOHOO" after finding out Hiccup and Toothless survived the fight with the Red Death, only after I had screamed "NOOOO" as Hiccup was knocked off of Toothless' saddle minutes prior. The second I got home from seeing the film, I began creating original characters, writing stories set in the film's universe (what we all know as 'fanfiction'), things I had rarely done in the past, for anything.

I couldn't get enough. I remember trying to track the days until DVD release without the Internet, watching the TV eagle-eyed every day until finally, the teasers for home release began to air. My neighbor had gotten a copy long before I managed to - a copy that would soon end up being mine anyways, after I borrowed it, didn't give it back when I was told to, and was never asked about it again.

How to Train Your Dragon has been the creative backbone to practically everything I've ever made. At least one soundtrack piece has made it into every playlist I've ever made, with the motifs inspiring events in stories from completely different universes (like @peacedoveau , my Sonic The Hedgehog [2006] rewrite project). My love for this film has followed me for 15 long years of my life, and I've always struggled to put it into words because of that; how do you explain 15 years of love? How do you transcribe every little moment where you remembered you saw How To Train Your Dragon in freaking 3d, and how happy it had made you?

I would not be where I am without this film. I wouldn't have made any of the things I'd ever made. I wouldn't even be the same person. 15 years later, whenever I watch How to Train Your Dragon, I'm immediately transported back in time to 2010. I'm watching the credits roll over Jonsi's Sticks and Stones, and knowing deep down that I am not the same as I was.

This movie is timeless -- it will always be timeless. And there is nothing that may be made in the future that can take it off the top of my list.

So, 15 years after release, I'm glad I could finally tell the world just how much this film means to me.

Happy 15 year anniversary, How To Train Your Dragon!

[ourstarsystem]

Made them a sona :)

[echidnana]

I can tell we're splitting a new group of organics and it has begun with me...

[cambriancrew]

Just a reminder to everyone, not that most of you need it, but:

Reclaiming is about using a word that has been used to demean and denigrate, as a positive word for yourself or your community. I can call myself a funky little fag and be happy about it. I cannot use that same slur in a string of insults to put someone down. (Not even myself.) That is not reclaiming, that is just hatred and bigotry.

[the-indigo-symphony]

I swear, sometimes switching is just like

*record scratch* *movie protagonist voice* "Hey, yeah, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here.

"Well, I am too."

[shilohs-things]

are you the guy who said he'd make out with monster kinito or are you someone else (so sorry if im mistaken, same name as a friend)

listen buddy i dont wanna say im the person ur looking for but that sounds exactly like something id confess to so im gonna say yes

[echidnana]

we are so. hungry. grain time

[marcusbutworse-archive]

>:(

[cambriancrew]

Pro endo, autistic, it can be reclaimed.

However. A LOT of people claiming to be reclaiming it are using it as a slur though, to insult with, which is NOT actually reclaiming. Reclaiming is using a slur or derogatory term as a POSITIVE term for yourself.

Like for example, I'm gay. Very, very gay. NBLNB, femme aligned. I can call myself a dyke. I am very proudly a dyke. I canNOT insult another person by calling them a dyke. That's not what reclaiming is. Bigotry is still bigotry, regardless of your own identity labels.

another one of my silly pools (it's inspired by a post made by @imjustaf444keriguess )

(this post is cross-tagging for reach)

I don't have room for nuance and results buttons, sorry ^^`

please reblog far and wide for more reach!

[idlebrained]

omg you’re back.. but WHERE YA BEEN ? 

in short, a bad place. the lease for our uni house was terminated unfairly and we had nowhere to go, and no place would accept our application, so it was a bunch of limbo and so much fear that we wouldn’t have a place to live. so, yeah.. my emotional stability took a toll. but i didn’t disappear, i still logged onto the main and kept the promo queue going. for awhile i stayed on top of memes. i still stayed logged in my phone. i’ve made a couple of ‘jsyk i’m still here !’ posts on my old blog but i would go back and then them private because i was honestly embarrassed to tell everyone my situation. so on the surface, it might’ve looked like radio silence, but it wasn’t. i just got overwhelmed mentally. so i’m just gonna start over, with less muses, and just go from there. hopefully you guys understand & hopefully no one’s too mad at me ! i REALLY needed a kick in the ass to get over my embarrassment and shame and just come back.........and now here we are.

now, i won’t actually have wifi for another three weeks. so i’m part time activity until then. but i won’t drop the ball like i did before, cause i can get on between classes ! 

[cambriancrew]

i don't really mean to sound invasive here, it's just because i am curious why you have afab on there, when it wasn't meant for perisex people. i haven't seen you talk about being intersex (not a requirement to if you are). a lot of perisex people use afab/amab to mean (perisex) male/female when the language was meant for intersex bodies being forced into a binary at birth. perisex people co-opted it and use it as a noun to mean their sex and not the intersex experience it was coined for.

We use it because some of us identify as a gender that aligns with our bodily sex and some of us are trans and others are nonbinary. Some of us are even trans in ways that align partially with our birth sex, like me - I'm femme-aligned nonbinary. We've seen it used extensively in trans and nonbinary communities, and have never heard til now that it's for intersex people only.

We'd like to learn more and will be doing research on it. Do you have any sources you'd recommend?

Absolutely not saying you're wrong! Just want a bit more solid evidence than one anon, especially compared to decades of us using it in trans and genderqueer communities where most people use it, if that makes sense. Basically we'd rather not say that so many people are wrong without good backing.

Also what alternative terminology should we use to indicate that our body is outwardly female but many of us are not?

Thanks!

[cambriancrew]

Sunni: I love this. May start doing this as "Animorphs battle morph".

My Animorphs battle morph is a anthro house cat, who disarms you first all Puss in Boots style with intense cuteness... Then, also Puss in Boots style, literally disarms you. And de-arms you if you're really unlucky.

Shiloh: My Animorphs battle morph is a giant redwood tree. I thwack you with enormous branches. Mwahaha.

Guys I think we should call something that's your spirit animal your animorph since it's like rude to Native Americans

Animorphs are:

- Funny reference

- Diabolical lore

- Funny picture

- Even funnier if it's not an animal

[the-indigo-symphony]

The more I reflect on how we present as a system to an outsider's point of view – particularly and especially, before our syscovery – the more I've come to realize we're really not as covert as I used to think. We changed (and often still change) accents, speech patterns, personality, answers to questions, taste, style, habits, temper, etc. so openly, only making any conscious effort to mask to the extent of not being accused of being a liar or fake (in the personality sense, not fakeclaiming sense) due to these changes. But other than that? It may have been "covert" to us, but certainly not to others – and even then, I think we ourselves recognized, on some level, that we didn't have a lot of consistency. We just didn't have the words for what was happening, or the headspace (in the feeling sense, not the innerworld sense) to process it as a part of our lives.

It gives me mixed feelings about no one else catching on to what was happening. If we-I didn't have words for such a fundamental part of who we are, how can we blame the ones who probably didn't have those words to teach us in the first place? ... But then, you'd think someone would have given it a second glance, given all those we've met over the course of our lives who commented on our changes. Given all those who noticed something was "wrong" with us, you'd think at least one of them would have cared about it (cared about us, maybe) enough to lend a hand and listening ear.

And this is just about our plurality. It doesn't even cover the memory issues or the dissociation. All those other things people noticed enough to give us grief us for, but not enough to be concerned for the person living with them.

This is starting to sound like a vent, so let me bring it back to the original point I was aiming to make with this post: trying to find exactly whether we fit better into the description of "covert" or "overt" is complicated, a lot more so than it used to seem. It sounds so simple, at first – do people notice you're a system, yes or no? But then you think, and learn to ask – do they have to notice you're a system, or just that you're weird?

(It's easier to notice that someone is weird than it is to care about why they're weird, it seems. They can notice we're weird because we change so often, but we had to figure out ourselves that we change so often because we're plural.)

We've spoken on this topic in the past, so this whole dilemma isn't new to us. These are just some thoughts on where we ourselves lie on it.

[bmth-trash-mom]

What the hell?