#Sirius’ n1 fan

[spookeart]

I really am not getting over this trend lmao

[poisonmeparty]

I’m So Tired - Sirius Black

Hi There, 

This is chapter one of a bit of writing I’ve done inspired by MsKingBean89′s All The Young Dudes. I am planning on uploading it on AO3 but until I have an account I thought I’d put it here to see if anyone likes it and wants to be tagged on updates?

This is written from Sirius’ perspective and compliments but does not copy ATYD and though I will certainly allude to and include elements from ATYD this is not a rehash of it, and will not tread already trodden ground. This is has emphasis on Sirius as a character study. Eventually this will likely be book length (at least 100k words) but for now, enjoy chapter one. 

Do not upload to Wattpad (don’t you dare.)

Word Count: 2003 words

Warnings: Themes of childhood neglect.

                                     1 

                         Heads Will Roll.

The sun was at the highest it had been in months that day, though the air was still stiff and cold, Sirius was able to feel a stretch of warmth creep across his back as he skulked down the residential street in North London. His hands were busying themselves in his pockets as he tried to calm down from the conflict that had just played out.

“You pathetic little idiot!”

Sirius could hear his mother’s biting words scratch around his head. It was not by any stretch of the imagination the harshest thing she had ever said, nor the worst thing she had done, verbally chastising her eldest son, but Warlburga had a knack for picking the right words to shatter Sirius’ resolve. He did not want to let her so easily breach his mind or pick away at the seams of what he believed to be the good in himself. He did not want to believe he was pathetic, or stupid. Had she included cowardly, Warlburga would have annihilated all self-esteem Sirius had in one sentence. However, she hadn’t needed to; Sirius was already chastising himself for his cowardice at fleeing the scene rather than facing his mother.

“I was just trying to make him laugh, miserable old hag-” 

Sirius was mumbling to himself, interrupted by tripping over a wonky piece of pavement. As his hands were busy rifling through his pockets Sirius was unable to break his fall and fell head-first onto the rough concrete. After a moment of seeing stars, his eyesight returned to see the hand pulling away from his forehead covered in blood, his ears ringing at a deafening pitch. A stomach-churning revulsion ran through his body at the sight of it. Sirius was not a fan of blood, injury, or anything of the sort. Though he feigned an indifference to suffering he saw in boys older than him, he never had the stomach for sincere apathy. A moment more of being sat on the empty pavement Sirius clambered back to his feet and tried to regain a modicum of composure, and to figure out where on earth he was.

He'd been walking at such a pace for so long that he’d entered an entirely difference postcode. “Merlin” he thought to himself as he found the nearest street sign. How had he found himself as far as NW5 when he resided in N1? Muggle means of organising cities were to remain forever a mystery to him.

It took over an hour for Sirius to find his way back to Grimmauld Place, despite the distance being less than a few miles. He supposed he could thank his mother’s insistence he never left the wretched family home for his poor navigational skills around an area he ought to know well. He took a moment before entering to look up at the impressive but otherwise unremarkable townhouse. Oh, the joys that lay inside.

Having entered the home and begrudgingly letting his presence be known to his mother sat by the fireplace, Warlburga threw Sirius’ gaping forehead injury a cursory glance before stating “Kreacher is downstairs, he will see to… that.” She quickly returned her gaze to the copy of that day’s Daily Prophet in her hands; not once looking Sirius directly in the eye. On a day where he hadn’t just spent the afternoon storming through half of London Sirius would’ve had the energy to say something scathing back, he could feel the blood creeping up his neck, but his mother’s icy indifference simply blew through him like a particularly unpleasant bout of wind.

Sirius exited the drawing room and traipsed down the dusty narrow stairs to the kitchen, he heard a brief scuttle above him. Once inside he called out for the house elf.

“Kreacher?” his weak call garnered no response. Trying again, with a little more gumption Sirius called out once again. “Kreacher, where are you?”

Emerging from a little door near the back of the room Kreacher moved towards him, the haggard old house elf seemed discontent to be sharing a space with the young boy.

“Master Sirius is a nasty piece of work says my mistress. Belligerent, rude little boy-”

“Oh, do shut it you little shit.” Sirius snapped at him, gaining a little more courage in the absence of his mother. “Can you do something about this?” Sirius gestured to his head, still slowly oozing blood.

Kreacher took a moment before grabbing the bottom of Sirius robes and pulling him down to a small wooden stool with surprising force. It was only after Kreacher examined his hand that Sirius realised his robes were as filthy and blood-stained as his face. With a click of his fingers Kreacher summoned a cloth for each of them, handing one to Sirius, instructing him to wipe away as much dried blood and grit possible. Approaching the task with a little too much vigour, Sirius irritated the wound and it reopened, causing another wave of stinging and nausea.

“Isn’t there anything you can give me to make this hurt less?” he half spat; half pleaded to the house elf.

“Kreacher does not have anything that would be of any help to Master Sirius.” Sirius knew that this was a lie but took it as part of the punishment for acting out of line earlier, figuring he deserved it.

Rather aggressively, Kreacher applied a conservative amount of essence of dittany to Sirius’ forehead, sealing the majority of the wound in the process. There was still a red-ish mark left behind, one he knew would not be there had his mother attempted to heal it with her magic. Once again, Sirius resigned his mistreatment to what he thought to be fair punishment for his actions, he would have a small scar there for a while longer.

“Thanks, Kreacher” Sirius said curtly, before rising to his feet and climbing back up the narrow staircase.

Arriving onto the landing of the main hall Sirius stopped to listen to the fireplace he knew his mother was sat in front of, though he couldn’t see her. He took a moment to glance at the dining room, dark and empty, and back once to the kitchen he came from. His stomach grumbled; he’d been out for hours. Inhaling quietly, he moved to the stairs that went towards the first and upper floors, but before he could put a foot onto the first step, he heard his mother call out from the drawing room.

“We had dinner before you returned.” Sirius knew what this meant, the final chapter in his reprimanding for his earlier antics. Not saying a word, he continued up the stairs. Passing a room with a small plaque inscribed with R.A.B on it Sirius grimaced at the idea of finally collapsing into his bead, that was until the door opened.

“Sirius?” A boy, smaller than him, not just in stature but in demeanour, poked his head around the corner of the door. Sirius’ brother Regulus was the spitting image of Sirius, just much meeker. “Do you want to… hang out?”

“Not really Reg, I’m exhausted”

“But-” Regulus hesitated “Please?”

“Ugh, sure.” Sirius rolled his eyes and entered his brother’s room, who quietly clicked the door closed behind him.

Reg scurried over to the other side of his room, one that looked like it ought to be inhabited by and 19th Century Monarch rather than a 9-year-old boy and pulled something wrapped in a tissue out. “I saved this for you” he said handing it to Sirius. Letting the tissue fall around the little object in his hand, Sirius saw his brother had smuggled a few shortbreads from dessert earlier that evening. This softened a little of the resolve he had concocted for his mother and Sirius decided to join his brother who was now sat cross-legged on his massive four-poster bed.

“Thanks, Reg” Sirius said, scoffing his food down in a near instant.

Reg simply watched with a shadow of sadness in his eye, though there was something else. “No, thank you” he barely uttered, now averting his gaze.

Perplexed, Sirius looked him over and pressed “what are you on about?”

“You didn’t have to do that, make the hat set on fire of the statue. It was really funny, but you could’ve stopped, and you didn’t, and it was because you knew I found it funny, and you even knew mum was going to punish you, but you did it anyway.’ Regulus had to come up for air. After another brief and awkward silence, he pushed on. “It was really brave.”

This final sentence broke what little resolve Sirius had maintained as he lunged forward to gather his little brother in an enveloping hug. Brave. His brother thought he, Sirius, who had run away from such a small conflict, was brave. Or at least he was in the eyes of his brother, that seemed to matter much more to him than whatever perception his mother had of him. Clearly, these warm thoughts were reaching out further than his mind as Regulus pulled into Sirius tightly for just a second before they released one and other. They rarely shared more than a few lines of conversation, let alone hugs, so Sirius was a little perplexed by the situation.

“Why are you telling me this, Reg?”

Reg mulled it over. “You’re going to Hogwarts after summer, and that’s months and months away but… I’m going to miss you”

Sirius could’ve cried. “You won’t be that far behind me.”

“I know, but still.” Clearly this was as much as either of them were willing to say, especially as they rarely said so much. Slapping his knees to break the painful tension Sirius jumped up to his feet, employing the jaunty manner he usually upheld at all times.

“Well like I said I’m exhausted, had such a busy day” Sirius did not want to open up like his brother had. He strode towards the door and swung it open before looking back at Regulus. He was dwarfed by his bed, having since brought his knees to his chest. “I’ll see you tomorrow, kid” Sirius winked, pulling the door closed behind him.

Back on the landing, Sirius walked the remaining steps to his bed with a new weight in his chest. Whilst yes, Reg thought he was brave, he still couldn’t let his brother know that he too would be missed. That Sirius would often be worried if Regulus was keeping his head down enough to avoid the wrath of Warlburga Black. Sirius peeled off the robes that were stuck to him with a layer of cold sweat and clambered into his bed in the dark. Though his stomach grumbled once again, he was grateful to his brother for the biscuits that ensured that his hunger would not be painful that night. Still, his forehead was throbbing, perhaps it had been the whole time and he had not noticed, but the dark of his room crept inwards and under his skin exacerbated the discomfort. He thought how silly he’d look, turning up to Hogwarts with a scar on his head, would people stare? He hoped against hope that it would heal before he stepped foot in the place. Of course, the prospect starting a new stage of his life, away from the disapproving gaze of Warlburga, was enough to warm him enough to sleep comfortability. But the ever-swirling thought of his defenceless little brother moping these halls alone sent a shiver down his spine so cold he may as well have been sleeping bare on the street that early February night.

Only two-hundred and eleven days till he was free. He tried to push thoughts of anything else from his mind, but the thoughts swirled around like a muggy, dark drain. He eventually fell into a poor night’s sleep. No doubt made worse by his hunger, pain and grubbiness.

[blackinn-n]

Some random blackinnon headcanon because you won't stop my shipper soul

Sorry for the mistakes, english is not my first language and yeah MARLENE ISNT DEAD IN THIS OKKKK?????

Sirius is head over heels for Marlene and you'll never convince me otherwise

The first time they went on holiday together, they went to Vietnam and they slept for 2 days in a tent because Sirius wanted to be adventurous

"WE COULD BE SORROUNDED BY WILD ANIMALS NO SEX SIRIUS" "calm down mckinnon, we're surrounded by what?" "mmm IDK SNAKES???" "cool but if you appreciate that I have a special snake right in my-" "dear god you did not say that" "I did" "........ok that joke got me, pants down Indiana Jones!"

They are terrible at being discreet and James and Lily always jump in them making out passionately against the wall ( if they are lucky enough to not find them doing other things )

They discuss over something every two seconds but most of the time it is over who is washing the dishes

Marlene loves foreign films with subtitles and always brings her boyfriend with her, who ends up sleeping on her shoulder the whole time

Sirius can play the guitar very well and Marlene will never say anyone that she gets horny whenever he starts doing it because he is just so hot

When they started dating people said they wouldn't have lasted a week but HEY BITCH

Sirius tries to be romantic but fails

"I burnt everything, I'm sorry" "That's ok, I'll make cookies" "No, I wanted to cook for you and I ruined everything" "Sirius, it's fine, don't worry" "I'm a failure"

He has panic attacks and some mental shit happening because of his childhood. Marlene is the only person he talks about these things to (beside james) and she's always there for him, no matter how difficult or painful it might be.

They can talk about everything. From dirty dreams or gossip, to feelings and insecurities.

Marlene tried once to learn how to play the guitar from him, but gave up after 30 minutes

"Ok, you have to put the finger.. no, the other one.." "Which one?" "The middle finger" "I can't move it" "Yeah you can" "It's motionless" "Jesus, just put it on the chord, ok?" "Which chord?" "The second one" "From which prospective????" "Oh my god"

Marlene kissed him first

Sirius said I love you for the first time. She tried to reply but her voice cracked from the emotion, but he understood anyway and pulled her closer

James and Remus are their n1 fans

Remus was the first one to notice that there was something going on between them and when he told James, he said something like wtf dude I was thinking the same thing OH MY GOD OUR PADFOOT

Marlene's family adores Sirius

"Mum what are you doing?" "I'm just showing Sirius some photos from your childhood" "Which is basically you being naked or totally embarassing" "Hey!" "You're right Sirius, dear, oh, look, here we have Marlene bathing with his brother Eth-" "Mum, no! Sirius, STOP LAUGHING!"

He pretended to hate Flashdance but loved every second of it

He constantly compliments her just to be sure she knows how much he likes everything about her

Their song is Love of my life by Queen. He knew how much she loved that band so he learnt it and sang to her and she cried from joy

She loves when he hugs her in his sleep without realising and smiles when she wakes up with his hand between her hair or near her face

They are just so in love with each other and at some point they didn't even try to hide that because life is too short to not letting know people you love about it