Just had a wild dream. I was at RTX and went to the DnDads event, but it wasn’t a live show, they showed a whole Dungeons and Daddies animated movie. I just watched Across the Spiderverse last night, which has bled into my brain forever, so it had all that good trippy dimension stuff and the teens were superheroes (sorta. Normal slipped into a dimension where they were superheroes and was trying to fix it but doing a bad job) and of course it had the gorgeous animation style of Spiderverse. Anyways. All this to say, I might need to make a superhero AU now
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i reread the clockmaster today for the first time in a year and. holy shit i love it so much. truly it brings me so much joy. i love orion and rosie and garret and the silly gags and the clear progression in my art that can be tangibly graphed page by page, week by week. the little failures, the small victories, the tiny experiments.
god i cannot wait to work on it again. the year long break i took from it taught me a lot about comic making as well, with the doujinshis and all other side projects. My linework and panelling and typography are so much stronger now. I feel much more confident in my visual language, and my page making process has become so efficient. And I cannot wait to see how it all of that contributes to shaping the clockmaster in the future.
reading it today made me realise that truly, unequivocally i do not care if nobody remembers the clockmaster after my year long break or wont pick it back up or whatever else. I just want to create it. I want to have more fun with these characters and the world they are in. They mean so much to me and bring me so much happiness
I have always struggled with loving any of my works because they are all so imperfect and ugly to my little brain - they are far in quality from the masters I look up to.
so I can’t possibly express what it means to me that when I look at tcm, and I see all the occasional flaws in pages here and there - the wonky frames, the graphic-design-is-my-passion typography, the illegible speech bubble order - and all they do is decorate my face with the most sincere of smiles because all I feel for this comic is this deep profound love. a love for something I made
it’s imperfect and clumsy in the same way a child eating their favourite chocolate smears the stickiness all over their face, but no matter how bad it gets it’s also the sweetest expression of eagerness and excitement and how could I ever hate any of it?
i look at it and all i want to do is to cherish it further
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Guys- moots who know me well enough kind of-
I'm not simping solely for fictional characters anymore-
...
I hate this, it's weird, I wanna say something to them or at least one of my other irl friends but I'm too scared that 1: they'll judge me and 2: they'll TELL HIM. Dear god I do not need that-
BUT IT WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE (aka it's been on my mind for a few hours too long)
Yesterday, pool party with friends, right?
I knew that he did some workout stuff but I still was NOT prepared- (me, who was fully expecting him to wear some form of his normal outfit but for the pool- noooooope! Shirtless- very unprepared)
And listen, I knew I at least sort of like-liked him before cuz you know, personality and all that stuff, but come onnnn- like- what do I do now??
And then they were playing chicken fights in the pool or whatever the game is called, and after that they were standing on each other's shoulders and pretending to walk on water (We all had just endured a bible unit in our English classes)
He had offered for ME to stand on HIS shoulders- and for that to happen, you know, they gotta swim under, right? Well, we both have the dirtiest of minds (I also just have shitty balance so I was not about to try that anyways. That was the main reason on my mind but I thought of the other stuff after).
I don't even know if I have blushed since elementary school, but if I did then, then thank god for the sun because sunburnsssss
And then he couldn't find his shirt after we had all gotten out, and one of my other friends said that he didn't need the shirt (jokingly) and dear god I wanted to agree (verbally) but I'm too worried about my whole bullshit being too obvious if I did, so I just had to stay quiet. (He ended up not finding it and just having to leave cuz his parents were there)
But that- that day- just... that. It's not. Leaving. My. Mind. Alone.
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ive posted abt my goals for dawn for 2024 but my personal goals (for tumblr at least) is to try to be around a little bit more, be a little bit more active and involved and such which is like! easier said than done! last year was just such a rough time emotionally and i had a tough time in the rpc but im hopeful things will be better this year. i need to try letting go of some of that brutal anxiety otherwise im bound to feel stagnant bc of my own self/actions :') ik this is probably Relatable but i cant help but irrationally think that like. sending people asks/interacting with people's posts only makes them annoyed/think im annoying in the sense of like. 'OMG its her again can she just leave me alone!!' which in my heart i know isnt true because, if it was then like... why would i be mutuals with as many people as i am you know! just stupid brain moment, and an issue that i can only tackle by just ignoring those thoughts and putting such things into practice.....
that being said though. from jan 17th - jan 22nd ill be out of town bc me and my bf are going to vegas and im SO excited for it bc ive never been there!! and i havent left the state in general since like!!! 2018!!!!!!!
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