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emilyssky · 1 year

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Chapter 2: Slow Motion

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."

[The GIF is not mine ]

The urge to just ball my eyes out right this second is stronger than my desire to live, honestly. I stare at my laptop screen, at my essay which is a total of 2 words. My name. It's an essay that counts for 30% of my final grade and it's due in 9 days. Last night, I was chilling in my bed, scrolling through Pinterest when a reminder that I had set to remind me that the due date is in 10 days went off. Today I woke up at 7 a.m to begin the essay. It's now 11:17 and all I've written is my name. I rest my head on the back of the couch, closing my eyes, trying not to panic but the sudden banging on the door only makes my nerves worst. The banging continues and I know for a fact who's behind the door.

"For fuck's sake, I'm coming!" I yell over the noise.

I open the door only to come face to face with Chan's smirk. He has both of his hands resting on each side of the door, looking down at me. His position makes him look a little taller than he is.

"Hi." He says, wiggling his brows. I know that face.

"Whatever it is, the answer is no." I sigh, looking at him with a straight face.

He groans and pushes me aside. "I haven't said anything yet, stop being so negative." He pops down on the couch. I close the door and walk towards the fridge.

"I don't have to hear it, I know you." I grab a bottle of strawberry milk from his stash that he keeps in my fridge. "And I know that whatever you want to do, I don't want to be involved" I sit down beside him, giving him the bottle.

He takes 3 giant sips before speaking. " At least hear me out first."

I turn to face him, placing my elbow on the back of the couch. "Fine, speak."

A huge smile spreads on his face as he copies my position. "So" He clears his throat. "We are throwing a party this weekend-"

"Absolutely no" I face forward and reach for my laptop but he grabs my elbow to pull me back.

"You didn't even let me finish"

"You don't have to" I pull my hand out of his grip. "I have a really important essay that I have to submit in 9 days. I don't have time for parties."

He runs his hand through his hair and I notice some new rings on his fingers. I grab his hand, bringing it closer to my face.

"Did you get new rings?" I cut him off just when he was about to speak, trying to change the conversation. He rolls his eyes.

"Don't change the subject y/n" He pulls his hand away after letting me take a look at them for a few seconds "You haven't been to a party since my birthday. Come on, have some fun"

"I've been really busy" I stare at the wall in front of me. "With college and stuff."

"Bullshit" He crosses his hands. "All you do is stay in your room, rewatch stupid tv shows, and read fanfics."

"Hey, don't call 'The vampire Diaries' stupid" I point my finger at him.

He grabs it and lowers it from his face. "You're coming. Your depressive episode must come to an end and as your best friend it's my duty to make it happen."

I bring my knees to my chest. "I'm not depressed, I just-"

"Y/n" He places his hand on the back of my head, playing with my hair. "I know you and I can tell when things are not okay. You don't go out anymore, you're skipping classes, you're always in your room and you don't hang out or talk to any of us anymore." He shakes his head "You don't talk to me anymore." He stares at me with a sad look on his face.

My heart hurts at the sight. I don't want him to think that he's doing anything wrong when it's completely my fault. It's been a couple of months that I've been feeling like that. I don't find anything that exciting anymore. I don't enjoy parties like I used to. I can't focus on college or even study. I just feel heavy and tired of everything.

"Please talk to me." He stops playing with my hair and grabs the back of my neck to turn my head towards him. "You know I'm here for you and if something is wrong I want to know"

"I know Channie, but I don't really wanna talk about it you know?" I offer him a smile. The best one I can manage and he drops his hand in defeat.

"At least come to the party with me." He says with pleading eyes. "One night. Forget everything for one night and just have fun."

I haven't been to a party in ages but I'm not really feeling it. I wish I did cause I really miss everyone. Honestly, it seems exhausting to me right now but the puppy eyes Chan is giving me and the way his bottom lip is poking out make me soft inside.

"Ugh, fine I'll come." I groan. His smile takes over half of his face and I can't help but smile at the sight.

"It's going to be a good one, I promise " He stands and drowns the rest of his drink. "It's a great chance to meet some of my friends from the studio."

Chan is a music major and since he's a senior he's spending most of his time in the studio working on his music. He's graduating in a few months and he's pretty set on working in the music industry. He met a couple of guys last year and bonded with them a lot over their mutual love for music. Now they're something like a group and spend hours in the studio, creating songs and sending their work to record labels, hoping to get signed. He's been going on and on about them and how I would really like them.

"Mmm, I would like to stick to the familiar friend group, thank you very much"

He rolls his eyes "Shut up, don't be a bitch, and wear something nice." He grabs his jacket and walks towards the door. "No hoodies or baggy jeans." He turns around again and points his finger at me. "I want the slutty version of you back, I'll pick you up tomorrow at 10."

For the past few weeks, I've been in nothing but sweats and hoodies, occasionally I would maybe wear a pair of jeans. So my reflection in the mirror is a strange sight. I haven't eaten anything since yesterday noon and I've been really careful with my diet the past week but still, my body never changes in my eyes. I stare at myself and move around a bit, trying to feel even a tiny bit of confidence in my outfit but the black dress is still too tight for my liking. I shake my head and sit on my bed to put my heels on. They're not too high, just enough to give me just a little boost. As I'm running around the room trying to gather all the things I need to put in my bag I hear the familiar, loud banging on the door. I quickly throw everything in and make my way towards the living room. I open the door before he has a chance to bang his fist a second time and his eyes immediately widen, scanning me from head to toe.

"Holy fuck y/n," He moves around me to see the full outfit. "You look hot. I had honestly forgotten what your legs look like. Thanks for reminding me." He lifts a brow at me.

I roll my eyes, laughing "Stop it, we're late, let's go" I grab my jacket and push him out the door.

The drive to the frat house was short as usual. It's only about 10 minutes from mine and Emma's apartment but since it's freezing outside and I'm wearing heels I told Chan to come pick me up and he was happy to do so. Going on late-night car rides is one of our favorite things to do together and something we haven't done in a while. The frat house is as crowded as ever but I didn't expect anything less. I shiver as we walk towards the entrance, mentally cursing myself for not wearing thicker tights under my dress. Chan takes my hand in his as we walk inside the house. He pushes through the crowd, leading me to the kitchen. The kitchen of the frat house is pretty large and not as crowded so it's easy to spot Hyunjin's long, blonde hair. He's making out with Jisoo who seats on top of the counter. It's a sight everyone has gotten used to since they started hooking up almost a year ago, yet I don't think the have made it official yet. Still, everybody knows that they're together.

"Get a room" Chan yells. He lets go of my hand and walks over to Felix to make himself a drink. I laugh at how they don't even acknowledge him and continue to heavily make out. I make my way towards Felix and wrap my hand around his neck. I've missed him so much. Hyunjin and Felix are both dance majors, that's how I met them and we started hanging out almost immediately. Due to the classes that we saw each other almost every single day until I started skipping. I also would pass on our afternoon practices, so I think it's been almost 2 weeks since I saw them.

"Hi Felix." I smile at him. He turns his head and his eyes widen a bit before disappearing due to his smile.

"Oh my god y/n. " He pulls me into a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"I wouldn't miss the biggest party of the semester"

"The biggest party will be on New Year's, stupid. Why haven't you answered any of my texts or calls?" He pulls away but keeps me at arm's length by my shoulders.

"She hasn't been answering you either? Thank god, I thought she was mad at me" Hyunjin appears at my side and pulls me into a side hug.

"I've just been crazy busy lately, sorry for disappearing on you guys" I reach for the vodka.

"Let me." Felix stops me and begins to make me a drink. Chan walks back to us with I red cup in his hand.

"The party is crazy." He says and Hyunjin nods smiling.

"Yeah, and we're just getting started" He lifts his cup to us and walks back to the living room.

"Here." Felix presses a red cup into my hand. I bring it to my nose.

"It's vodka redbull."

"Aw, you remember my favorite" I take a sip. I've missed the taste of alcohol.

"Cheers to your comeback" He lifts his own cup. "Bottoms up" . . . . . 3 cups later, I'm in the middle of the living room dancing my ass off. I'm tipsy at this point and the happiest I've been in days. The alcohol, the music, and the sweaty bodies around me are enough for me to forget everything that's been going on in my head. Chan was right, the party is crazy. There are people half naked, dancing on top of tables, couples having sex in all the possible places in the house, and unconscious bodies laying on the floor and couches. I move my hips to the music, completely lost in my own word with Felix dancing in front of me. Suddenly I feel a hand on my lower back and I instantly tense up. I look behind me and I relax as my eyes meet Chan's red eyes. He must have been out smoking, god knows what.

"Come with me. " He grabs my hand and makes his way out of the dancing crowd.

"Why are you dragging me away? I was having fun." I whine as he leads me into another living room area beside the kitchen.

"I told you I want you to meet my friends" He stops in front of the couch where 3 guys are sitting, talking among themselves.

"Guys this is y/n, the friend I was talking about " All 3 of the guys look up at us, pausing their conversation.

"Y/n, this is Jisung, Changbin and Seungmin." Chan points at them in order and then takes a seat on the couch beside Seungmin.

"Hi, nice to meet you guys" I wave awakrdly and move to take a seat on the coffee table in front of them, since the couch is full.

"Chan has been talking about you none stop, so we're glad we finally get to meet you." The guy named Jisung says, smiling. His smile is attractive. Well, he's attractive. His hair is dark brown and a bit on the longer side, coming down to his jawline, he's dressed and a simple black button-up with the top 2 buttons open exposing his quite wide chest.

"Yeah, Chan has been talking about you guys a lot too." I return his smile.

"Are you a music major as well?" Changbin asks.

"Um, no I'm a dance major. "

"That's really cool. How do you know Chan?"

"I met him on my first day of college actually, I was lost and I asked him for help-"

"And the rest is history" Chan finishes my sentence with a chuckle.

"There you guys are." I turn my head to see a guy dressed in all black with a red cup in his hand walking towards us and sitting on the arm of the couch next to Chan. He doesn't even acknowledge me until Chan speaks up.

"Minho, this is y/n " He nods his head in my direction and the guy's eyes turn to me. I instantly freeze, my mind recognizing his face immediately. Bits of memories flash through my eyes, of the night I saw Jackson fucking another girl, the rude stranger on the rooftop, and the terrible hangover I suffered the next day. His eyes also freeze, mouth parting slightly as he scans me up and down before blinking. I couldn't stop thinking about that night for months, replaying our conversation over and over in my head or at least what I remembered, and trying not to forget his face. I was silently searching the campus for him since that night, hoping he was a student here but a guy as gorgeous as he was wouldn't go unnoticed by the girls here. I let my eyes study him a bit more. He looks almost the same as I remember.

"Y/n this is Minho."

So his name is Minho.

It's hard to tell if he fully remembers me or if he even wants to in front of everyone so I choose to play it safe. "Nice to meet you, Minho" I smile, offering my hand. Instead of taking it like a normal person would he just nods in my direction before taking a sip of his drink. My lips form a tight line, embarrassment swallows me whole when I feel everyone's eyes on me.

"Where were you? " Seungmin clears his throat at the awkward interaction "You've been gone for like half an hour."

"Our boy got laid" Changbin's pushing Seungmin with his shoulder but Minho just rolls his eyes at them.

"I wasn't fucking, I went outside for a smoke and some peace and quiet, this party is fucking crazy." He says expressionlessly.

"Yeah, it's the biggest party yet" I comment, trying to join the conversation, unsuccessfully though cause his head doesn't even turn in my direction, ignoring me once again. Well, his rude attitude definitely has evolved over the past year. Chan notices my bothered expression and jumps into the conversation.

"New Year's somehow going to be even crazier." He says.

"Yeah, but on New Year's we're going clubbing right?" Minho asks

What? There's no way. We spend every New Year's eve together. Me, Chan, Felix, Emma, and Hyunjin.

"It's kinda like a thing, to spend New Year's at the frat. We've been doing it since Chan joined the frat house. But you guys should definitely come." I say.

"Well, plans are changing this year." Minho lifts his brows mockingly, his eyes glaring at me in a challenging way. I don't know how that night almost a year ago I didn't curse him out but then again maybe he wasn't as much of a dick back then as he is now. I bite the inside of my cheek trying to control the annoyance that's building up inside me.

Chan lightly nudges Minho with his elbow. "What?" Minho stares at him blankly.

"Anyway" Chan clears his throat "We'll see". At that, I roll my eyes. Chan's always the person trying to avoid any conflict. I, on the other hand, usually start them cause I'm physically unable to keep my mouth shut.

"Chan told us that you're helping him write most of his lyrics" Jisung changes the topic.

It takes me a second to snap out of my thoughts and turn to Jisung. "Um, yeah I really enjoy writing, it comes quite easily to me, so whenever Chan is writing I love to join."

"She's really good at guitar as well. She's helped me with tons of pieces whenever I was stuck" Chan adds, resting his elbow on his knees.

"You play guitar?" Changbin's eyes widen a bit, and I can feel my cheeks heat up at the sudden attention that Chan put on me. He loves going that, putting me in the spotlight, and pushing himself in the background.

"Well, I knew the basics, but Chan was the one to actually teach me." I give him most of the credit but he just smirks and waves me off with his head.

"So you write and play music? How come you're not a music major?" Seungmin asks.

"It takes a lot more than just playing a few chords on the guitar and writing some lines to major in music Seungmin." Minho says before I have the time to answer, leaning back to look at Seungmin behind Chan's back.

Honestly, if it wasn't for Chan I would have asked him what's his fucking problem right in his face but the last thing I wanna do is create an uncomfortable situation. Chan's friends seems genualy nice and he's been wanting me to meet them for so long. So instead, I poke the inside of my mouth with my tongue and release a loud sigh, not bothering to hide my annoyance.

"I think I'm going to find Jisoo, she was looking for me earlier." I focus my eyes on Minho, who stares back at me as I get up from the table. I break eye contact with him and turn to the rest of the guys. " It was really nice meeting you guys." I offer them a smile before turning around and walking towards the kitchen area, deciding to calm my anger with some alcohol. . . . . . . .

My anger towards Minho and his dick-like behavior has almost disappeared after 5 more shots of tequila. I force myself to ignore the millions of questions that fill my head about him and have fun. It's fine that he doesn't remember me or if he wants to be an ass I tell myself over and over as I find myself searching the party with my eyes for any sign of him. It turns out the rest of his friends are actually really fun and I've been dancing and drinking with them for the past hour. Chan introduced his friends to the rest of the group and everyone loved them. At this point, everyone is drunk and dancing like there is no tomorrow. I've been dancing mostly with Jisung and Felix, Hyunjin and Jisoo have excused themselves upstairs, Chan has taken over as the Dj after complaining for almost an hour about the shitty music they've been playing, Changbin is completely wasted and dancing like a maniac making everyone laugh and Emma has been mostly dancing and talking with Seungmin. As I'm dancing between the guys, I noticed Emma and Seungmin leaving the dance floor and sitting on the couch a few feet away and I smile. From the minute Chan introduced them, they've only really talked to each other. Emma is my best friend and roommate and a few months ago she and her boyfriend of 2 years broke up after she caught him cheating. She was completely shattered and hasn't really talked or hooked up with anyone since, she closed herself entirely, so seeing her talking to Seungmin makes me really happy cause as far as I've seen he's a great guy.

"I'm going to get a drink" I yell at the boys over the music at which they nod and I try to push my way out of the dancing crowd. I reach the kitchen, sporting only about 5 or 6 people chatting among themselves, and walk directly towards the drinks. I'm definitely more than tipsy at this point but not completely wasted like most of the people at this party. I grab a cup and begin to pour some vodka when a voice makes me completely freeze in place.

"Y/n?" I slowly turn around and come face to face with the one person that I wish I'd never spoke to again, the guy that I thought I loved, and the guy who broke my heart a year ago like it was nothing. I look up at his face and he smiles a bit. The sight is almost painful.

"What are you doing here Jackson?" I say, trying to keep my voice as steady as I can.

He stares at me for a bit before running a hand throw his hair, smiling at the floor. "I heard that it was going to be one of the biggest parties and you know me" He grabs the cup from my hand and drowns the vodka I poured earlier. "I'm a sucker for a great party"

I narrow my eyes at him. "Yes. Sadly, I know you." I'm surprised at how he and his friends managed to sneak in here without Chan, Felix or Hyunjin seeing them but then again there are close to 100 people here.

"Come on, don't be like that Y/n" He shakes his head and looks behind him, at the rest of his friends that are chatting with some girls by the kitchen entrance, probably making sure that none can hear us. "You know I tried talking to you but you pushed me away every single time." He takes a step closer to me and I instinctively take one backward, hitting the counter.

"We don't have anything to talk about, you are a manipulative piece of shit. I opened up to you and you played me like a fool. Everything was a fucking lie, all of our talks and moments, everything was fake." I try not to raise my voice but I can feel my emotions getting the best of me as my eyes begin to water. Ever since we broke up, almost a year ago, I haven't talked to him at all. I occasionally saw him around campus or at parties but only from afar. With Chan, Hyunjin, or Felix beside me, he never had the chance to come and talk to me. All of the words that I never got to say and all of the things I realized while being away from him are now spilling out of me.

He wets his lips and places his hands on the counter trapping me. My heart races almost instantly at his movements but I try to keep my face straight. "You know, that I wasn't faking shit y/n, I just made a mistake, I should have told you, I know but I'm trying to change. I wanted to apologize about what happened but-"

"Don't you even dare" I hold my hand up between us. "Don't even dare apologize about what happened. The way you were treating me is unforgivable," I say slowly and then push lightly at his chest forcing him to take a step back. It's funny that he thinks that the reason of our break up was the pathetic lies and the fact that I was simply a bet for him, when in reality that was the cherry on the cake. "Now please, get the fuck away from me. I can't even stand to be near you." I try to walk past him but he grabs my wrist and pushes me back to the counter.

"You never let me fucking explain." He raises his voice at me and suddenly I'm back in his apartment, pushed against the wall. The familiar feeling of fear spreads down my spine.

I swallow hard. "I don't wanna hear shit Jackson, leave me the fuck alone" I once again try to walk away but he forcefully grabs me by my arm, making me slam into his chest.

"You're not going anywhere until you hear me out" I can now smell the alcohol in his breath and it makes my stomach tighten. Some of our worst fights would happen when he was drunk and would lose complete control over his words and his actions.

"Let go of me." I try to free my hands but he tightens his grip and pushes me back to the counter.

"Y/n, please listen to me." His words are gentle but his actions are rough and painful causing me to wince.

"Jackson, you're hurting me, let go." Tears threaten to spill from my eyes as panic slowly takes over me.

"She said 'let go'." A voice drawled and my head snaps to the right, only to see Minho entering the kitchen.

"Who the fuck are you?" Jackson relaxes his grip slightly, focusing his eyes on him. Minho's eyes went from my trapped hands to my eyes to Jackson.

"Let her go." His face is relaxed but the tightness in his jaw is visible.

"Is he your boyfriend or some shit?" Jackson releases my hands and takes a step back looking between me and Minho annoyed.

"That's none of your business." I say harshly, feeling a bit more safe knowing that we're not completely alone. He takes an angry step towards me again but before he can make another move, Minho steps in front of me and pushes him backwards. My hand shoots up to my mouth in shock.

Jackson stumbles back a few steps. "Did you just push me?" Jackson's friends make their way beside him after hearing him raise his voice. "I'm trying to fucking talk to her, what's you're problem?" He tries to grab Minho but Mark, one of his best friends, holds him back. I take a step to the right, using Minho as a shield, my hand grabbing his shirt instinctively out of fear. The action causes him to look back at me. His eyebrows draw together and I can see his jaw tighten even more.

"I'm pretty sure that she made it rather clear that she doesn't wanna talk to you," Minho says in a deep voice, turning to face Jackson again. "You should just leave." He grabs my hand "And don't come near her again." He walks past them, dragging my still shocked body behind him, and out of the kitchen.

He continues to walk through the crowd and up the stairs. I begin to feel a little dizzy, my mind blurry at this point. Suddenly the music is too loud, the people are too many and my memories with Jackson are too intense in my mind. I don't even look at Minho as he leads me inside the last room of the hallway. As soon as we enter he drops my hand and walks towards the window. I look around the room, quickly recognizing that it's Felix's. My body instantly relaxes at the familiarity of the room and I sit on the bed. My ears are ringing painfully loud, my heart is pounding and as much as I'm trying to control my breathing it comes out loud, sharp, and quicker than normal, catching Minho's attention. His head snaps in my direction.

"Are you okay?" He walks towards me, his eyes searching my face. I try to answer him, but the words die down my throat and I grip the bed sheets tighter. Minho drops to his knees in front of me.

"Y/n, what's wrong?" He tries to keep his voice steady but his eyes are looking at mine with worry.

"I-I'm...I t-think I'm h-having.." I try to form a sentence but my breathing quickens and panic rushes through my body.

"Hey, hey look at me" Minho places both of his hands on my bare knees, bringing his face closer to mine but my eyes are glued to the ground as I desperately try to calm down. This is not happening.

"Y/n, look at me" His voice is demanding, making me lift my head immediately. His eyes are calm, and his face is relaxed.

"It's going to be fine. Take a deep breath. Focus on my eyes and try to match my breathing." He says slowly, never breaking eye contact. He starts taking deep slow breaths and I try my best to match my breathing to his.

His fingertips make small circles on my thighs. "You're safe, it's going to be alright." My breathing begins to slow and I close my eyes slowly releasing the tight grip I had on Felix's sheets. When I open my eyes, I realize how close Minho is, his eyes are fixated on my face. I hadn't had the chance to notice any of his facial features that well earlier due to the dark lighting of the living room and the distance between us and I don't really recall exactly his face from a year ago. But now that he's a few inches away from me and with the light that's coming through the window and the lamb on Felix's nightstand I can clearly see how beautiful Minho's face is. His hair is a dark shade of brown, falling into his eyes a bit, his eyes are big and almost black but somehow incredibly bright. They hold no emotion in this moment but something about them is warm. My eyes move to his lips, his lips are big as well. They are heart-shaped and full, the kind of lips you would die to kiss. My eyes travel back to his and suddenly a huge wave of embarrassment runs through me. I can't believe I just had a panic attack right in front of him, I can't believe that I saw Jackson and I can't believe how stupid I must look right now. For some reason, Minho isn't really fond of me, and now not only did he see me being embarrassingly weak but I also just shamelessly checked him out. My eyes drop to my hands that are now resting between my legs and then I notice that his hands are still resting on top of my knees. Neither of us says anything for a few minutes but the silence is making me feel even more embarrassed.

"I'm so sorry that you had to see this, I-I don't know what happened. I usually can control my panic attacks well, I honestly don't know what took over me." I find the courage to say, not looking him straight in the eye.

He tilts his head a bit, his eyes never leaving my face. "Do you get panic attacks often?"

His question catches me off guard. "Um, I don't know, I guess. I've been having them since high school, but lately, there've been getting a little worst." I answer honestly. The way he acts and speaks now is completely different than when I met him the first or second time but then again he might pity me right now. I hate it when people pity me. There are a lot of times that Chan looks at me that way and it angers me a lot.

"You don't have to be ashamed. I have a lot of people that deal with panic attacks around me, I'm used to it." He says sounding almost bored like he had this conversation many times before. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"No." I say sharply "We broke up a long time ago."

"Well it looks like you're not over it."

"It's not that, it's just that seeing him again brought back a lot of bad memories" I swallow hard. Minho stares at me, his eyebrows frown suddently, as if a thought crossed his mind and I stare back at him not knowing what to say, We stay like this for a few seconds until suddenly he removes his hands from my knees and quickly places them on the bed trapping me between them. He brings his face closer to mine, our noses almost touching. His movements were so quick and unexpected that I flinched slightly, my hands instinctively coming up. Minho's eyes darken and he drops his head, sighing. I quickly drop my hands to my sides. He removes his hands for the bed and starts walking toward the middle of the room, his hands now resting on his hips and his head still looking down.

"It's him right?" He turns to face me.

"What?" The confusion lasts only second until my blood run cold.

"And it looks like you had to defend yourself way too many times." His tone is a mixture of disgust and disapproval.

My eyes slightly widen. "What are you talking about? You just scared me, why would you do that?" I struggle with my words. I tried really hard to hide what was happening between Jackson and me from everyone and the thought of Minho knowing makes me panic immediately. I remember telling him about it the night we met, thinking I would never see him again, I never expected him to be one of Chan's friends. Realazation slowly starts to hit me, that my secret is no longer safe.

"It looks to me like you were already scared y/n." He stares at me so intensely that I'm forced to look away. I'm embarrassed and annoyed. I knew coming to this party was a wrong idea. I just wanna go home and I definitely don't want to be having this conversation, especially with Minho.

"Look, thanks for helping me with Jackson and with my panic attack, but anything else is not really any of your business. You met me a few hours ago and you just acted like a dick, why do you suddenly care about my personal life?" I get up from the bed, annoyed. Something flashed over his eyes and any emotion and softness that was in them disappeared in a second. He drags his tongue along his bottom teeth and turns to stare through the window. "Just forget everything that happened and please don't say anything to Chan about this" I begin to walk towards the door, just wanting to remove myself from the situation and this party in general.

"Why? Chan doesn't know that his best friend was dating an abusive bastard?" His words make me freeze before my hand reaches the doorknob. My fingers close, turn into fists and I turn around to face Minho's cold gaze.

''It's none of your goddamn business Minho. " I say through my teeth, trying to control my temper. "Just keep your mouth shut"

"Why are you protecting him?" Minho raises his tone for the first time since I met him and takes a step towards me. At this point, I'm boiling mainly cause I feel threatened but also cause he's asking questions that I don't have the answers to.

"I'm not protecting him." I take a step towards him as well.

"You're acting so fucking stupid." He raises his tone a bit more.

"Why the fuck do you care Minho?" We're face to face and I'm angrier than I've been in a long time. I did everything I could to hide this part of my relationship and save me the embarrassment that I would feel if anyone knew. They would all pity me, they would think that I'm weak. I can't even imagine how everyone would look at me if they knew what was going on. It's a secret I want to keep from everyone and I will not let some noisy, rude guy who doesn't know shit about me change that. Silence had fallen upon the room once again. Eventually, Minho breaks our angry eye contact and sighs.

"You're right. It's none of my business. If you wanna protect that son of a bitch and be that stupid, feel free" And with that he walks past me and out of the room.

#stray kids x reader #skz smut #lee know #kpop smut #lee know x reader #skz fanfic #skz lee know #skz imagines #stray kids #straykidsfanfic #stray kids lee know #lee minho #K-pop #kpopfanfic

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jyunshiim · 2 years

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Broken compass *✬★*☽ ⤷𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘟 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘶

Contains → implies slight nsfw content

Listen to → Broken compass

Word count → 12.9k

TW → No major TW

Summary:

It’s just the way it is. Fate brought upon such intermittent human emotions, fracturing a person and their bond.. Though it was inevitable. However thoughts dwell on a person over time and slowly sink in, making one question…’If only…’

The warmish rays of the autumn sun beamed gracefully through the towering windows in your spacious cafeteria as you and your friends conversed about your summer and reminisced about the fun you all had. A cushioned booth that seated at least 6 of you was perfect for you and your friends as you leaned back into the booth, knees pressing against the round, creamish table in front of you. Han, Hyunjin and Yeji had been your friends since the age of 16; they’ve seen you at your highs and lows, your best and worst and yet they stayed with you and treated you like someone incredibly special to them. They were the best friends you asked for and they had, without fail, made sure everyone was treated equally with lots of love and adoration. It was staggering to you how you all grew up together and attended the same university too, though it was comforting - despite knowing you wouldn't see them all the time as you would in school - but that was okay. They all took a course suited them best spotlighting their talents; Han took literature with a combined English degree, Hyunjin took fine art with a year abroad and Yeji took graphic design. However, they all pursued something they wanted a career in, something they enjoyed…except for you. You were denied entry for criminology since your grades and entry points did not add up to the requirements so it was Communication that you had to choose because your points aligned with the requirements. The disappointment was spiteful but it was out of your control to change it now.

The ice in your plastic cup brushed up against each other, rattling, as you swirled the watery coffee as you and your dear friends talked about summer and all the things they got up to; Hyunjin opened an Etsy shop, Yeji managed to complete a course during summer to increase her skills to get a job and Han had been relentlessly writing in his charcoal grey notebook with his chewed pen slipped into the spine. The 4 of you spoke together as the ice in your cup melted further before Hyunjin had to leave for his class. “oh yeah you reminded me that I had a class too!” you pounce up grabbing your bag and cup before waddling past Yeji to get out of the booth.

“I finish my classes at 6pm today,” Yeji frowned as she opened her arms to give you a hug.

“oh my god no! that’s so long, you can do it though and if you want us to wait we can,” you offer as she waves her hands gesturing not to.

“We’ll message you later, good luck on your classes!” Han bounces his leg as he waves you and Hyunjin goodbye.

You take a sip of your coffee as you open the large, tan doors to your lecture room before the professor arrives. You take a seat; The theatre was ample with elevated ceilings. It was bigger than you expected but you played it safe and sat close to the front of the room,5 rows up, 3 seats down so it was easier for you to dash out. The faint, bitter, diluted taste of coffee was repulsive since the water weakened the caffeine that you needed for that energy boost for a 9am class. It was completely diluted now and there is no use in drinking it. What a shame you couldn’t finish it before the class. Other people begin to fill up the room although your row remains empty. It was relieving. You gently place your phone on the table and scroll through your social media to kill some time before your professor comes in.

You felt a tap on the table before your head shot up in dismay, your skin going slightly pale since you didn't know a single soul in the class - yet.

He clears his throat. “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here ?” pointing at the seat next to you.

“Oh, yeah-” you realised what you said “OH NO I mean no, sorry,” your ears flared up red but from the corner of your eye the person sat down and put his headphones around his neck. Your eyes scan across the row and there was no one but you and him. Regardless, you embarrassed yourself to the first person who actually spoke to you.

“You seemed a little bit lonely, I hope you don’t mind” He smiled. He seemed incredibly sweet so you let it pass. You unconsciously picked up on certain features like the dimple on the left side of his cheek, his walnut locks perched at his eyebrows and his lips were full and were a pinkish hue like a strawberry bonbon.

“I’m Chan by the way, it’s rude of me not introducing myself and then invading your personal space” he lets out an endearing giggle. Your ears began to burn up again with embarrassment. Did you really give such an aura? your semi dry throat croaks slightly before you clear it again.

“Ah no no, you didn’t.Thank you for the company Chan!” you nervously chuckled as your thumb picks at your cuticle.

The energy you created was tense and you felt nervous but he seemed to be very gentle and calm with you and your nerves. He seemed… really nice.

“and you are?” he attempts to persevere with the conversation. You felt a wave of awkwardness and cringe dissipate through your body before you turned your head to him to respond.

“oh yeah of course i’m [YN]” you nod as you give a polite smile.

“It's very nice to meet you, I hope we can become friends over the course,” his gentle tone sounded sincere and honest, it was comforting and refreshing.

You felt deflated after 2 hours of your first ever class and wanted to head off to the rooftop cafe that looked over the campus, so you latched onto your bag strap and briskly tried to head off alone without any more conversation. “Hey, what other classes are you in?” Chan asks. It was obvious he was starting a conversation with you because he wanted to know you better and of course you couldn’t be open with him just yet. Sharing schedules wouldn’t hurt though?

“Oh, well i’m in seminar class A i think that should be the only different thing on everyone's schedules?” You turn to him leaving a gap in between. He inches closer; “I'm a bit confused about how to know what my class is?” he shows his screen on his phone. You carefully examine his timetable and pinpoint the class he's in.

A deafening silence flooded your mind.

“Oh great! We can always go to class together, if you don’t mind,” he smiles again both his dimples appearing.You nodded your head before he walked around to leave but stopped to turn around; “I hope we can be friends!”

That would be nice.

–

A few months go by. You and Chan became closer since he was the only one in the class that cared about the subject and understood it at the same level as you. You studied together often whenever you had the time and met up outside of campus with him and your other friends. Chan and your friends got along extremely well and he treated each one of them as he would a close friend.

Hyunjin and Yeji organised a small gathering to get to know Chan better.

[Online]

You: I was wondering, why dont we go out sometime?

Chan: that sounds good to me

Yeji: woow this is the first time I heard you say that?! but of course!!

Hyunjin is typing

Hyunjin: Sounds good to me!

You: okie, we can go to the one near my house?

Han: sure thing, 7pm tonight, lets go.

You: that was so straight up but okay lmaoo

Everyone agrees in unison and so that evening you, Chan and your friends were hanging out again. The night felt like a blur to you. A lot happened at once but what you could remember was Chan asking you if you were okay every minute and making sure you didn’t feel too overwhelmed. He didn’t drink a lot, perhaps only two drinks but it seemed to you that he was a heavy weight. Only Chan, You and Yeji were sober, however Han and Hyunjin visited another universe that night…

“Why does my brother have to embarrass me like that!” Yeji whines as Hyunjin anchors her down. Chan helps Yeji put Hyunjin into her car.

“I did not expect him to-”

“be like this? yeah never put him and Han in one room.. a competition every time!” Yeji groans in disappointment. “put the other one in the back as well i’ll take him home too but he’s going to get a slap from me tomorrow!”

You and Chan slip out a laugh in unison before looking at each other, stupefied.

“Well, I’ll be off, Yeji, I’ll see you soon, good luck with those two…” you giggle before waving goodbye.

“Hey, don’t leave without me,” Chan runs after you, the side of his arm brushing against yours slightly.

“Oh, you live this way too?” you ask him slightly staggered that he was walking in the same direction.

“Oh, no I don’t but I am in no way letting you walk alone in the dark,” he shakes his head. You felt his body lean into yours before his hands placed themselves on your shoulders to move you away from the road. It didn't faze you in the moment but it truly did mean a lot.

“Where do you live then?” you ask him, tilting your head to the side.

“I live in a student apartment complex too but it’s not your one, it’s the one that’s opposite the convenience store,” you instantly knew where he was talking about. It was a 10 minute walk from your place so it wasn’t far at all.

The breeze was gentle, gliding through the leaves that rustled above your head as you walked contently next to Chan as he talked about his experiences in his flat - it was not sounding pleasant at all!

“Oh.. that does not sound fun at all I’m so sorry! Just know you can come over anytime just drop me a text and i’ll be down,” you nudge his shoulder playfully instantly becoming bashful.

He chuckles softly, it was the half giggle half chuckle that you found endearing. “thank you, I will keep a note of that. Feel free to ask me out whenever, my flatmates are awful so I wouldn't want to bring you around,” he shakes his head, tsking at the comment he made.

“a-ask out?” you thought to yourself, a sheer wave of panic inundating you. He didn't mean that way.

“Well Chan, if you need an escape I'm always here…” you smile, assuring him some sort of freedom from his flatmates.

What was that? That foreign feeling in your stomach?

“thank you so much, you’re the first person to actually offer that and care about how I feel, thank you,” he looks down smiling in appreciation before he lowers himself to the ground.

“wow, hey are you okay?” you stop your hand before it touches his brunette curls. You inspect to see what he was doing and you feel his fingers on your shoelace. Your body is set into panic.

“Hey! you don’t need to do that,” you squeal in embarrassment.

“hey, listen, it’s fine,” he swats your hand away. You were completely dumbfounded to say the least.

–

The crispness of the air was nostalgic to the days when you were younger, around 9 years old, when you and Yeji used to play in the park together despite your fingers freezing into icicles. You vividly remember when you, Yeji and Hyunjin used to play at the top of the play trail before a young boy climbed up to the top and was startled that there were people there and started crying - that was how you all met Han.November had emerged. The temperature plummeted drastically which was a shock to you yet you felt reminiscent of your youth. The blanket on your lap accumulated warmth as you fiddled with the corner because the soft material was satisfying to touch. You sat at your desk, gazing out of your window on a bleak evening as the sun wanes at the horizon setting to let the entrancing moon set itself directly outside your window, a mighty breeze perforates the warmth of your bedroom through a crevice at your window since you forgot to close it fully. Your room had the perfect view of the moon, especially when it sat high and mighty beaming its pearly luminescence. Your eyes were almost magnetised to such a simple thing but it felt like home to you since the moon was the only thing that gave you comfort when you were alone.

You reached over to your phone to cure your boredom and decided to message Chan.

You: Hey, what are you doing?

Chan: Nothing right now, my flatmates are burning something in the kitchen and honestly being irritating.

You: Well, you’re free to come over if you want to. I’m only doing some of my assignment

Chan: Oh yeah! If you don’t mind I'll be on my way in like 15… thank you

You were caught by surprise at the instantaneous reply yet you felt gratified that he was keeping you company as well as letting him escape from his flatmates from hell.

20 long minutes go by and you get a text from Chan that he’s downstairs. You take the elevator down and scan your keycards to open the security doors to let him in. “Wow, your place is so much nicer…” he looked around mouth, slightly parted in awe.

You push the ashy grey door to your room revealing a heaven-like scene - to Chan. Everything was a simple white, from your bedding to your blinds to the accessories that decorate your walls. He scans the room; the white, flower fairy lights adorned the headboard of your bed along with the outskirts of the window frame, draping down the sides to create an heavenly atmosphere. Your room was comfortable to him and he instantly felt at home.

“It’s so peaceful here,” he lays on your bed as he turns his head to the window. “Wow, it must be so nice here, you really made this place so homely.” he smiles.

you giggle, “seems to me you’ve made yourself at home,” you say as you push his legs aside so you could sit down too. There was a brief silence as Chan turned his head to look at you with his sleepy eyes, your eyes felt as if they were bolted to him before you shook yourself back.

Chan inhales sharply. “Well I have my laptop too so we can actually be productive because trying to study in my flat is so shit,” he scoffs as he pulls his laptop out of his bag. You follow by standing up and moving to your desk, resting your knees against the desk for comfort.

He leans against the white wall whilst sitting cross legged on your bed. His eyes were fixated on his screen; he was focused and the quiet allowed him to focus. As you sit at your desk, you rummage through the last draw of your desk;

“Hey Chan, did you want a drink and some snacks, I have a few things here,” you grab a few different ones for him to choose.

Chan’s heart was warm and he felt like he met a friend just as genuine as himself, as selfless and caring as himself. It was surreal to him. Everything was starting off strong and you were grateful. Who would’ve thought that you and a mere friend would be studying together with the scintillating orb that gleaming into your bedroom. Everything just felt perfect.

–

The new year is thought to be filled with goals and ambitions that ought to be fulfilled by the end of the year. You thought it was stupid. To you, it meant more deadlines which were incredibly close together from your most difficult units. You and Chan sat at a library, he had an energy drink and you had your coffee next to your laptop, it was very clear that you both would talk all night instead of actually getting any work done. You prod Chan’s hand to attain his attention, his deep brown eyes looking up to focus on yours instead of the screen he had been staring at for the last 35 minutes;

“Chan,” you call his name in a hushed tone. He peeks above his screen and pushes one of his headphones back from his ear. “Yeah? Are you alright, do you need help with anything?” he asked, heedfully listening to what you had to say.

It had been a few months and you wondered why he spent 90% of his time with you. Was it because you were his only friend? It couldn’t be right? He’d always help you with your work and always give his notes to you and wait for you, it didn't matter where or what the weather was. You wondered for a while and thought you’d ask him the question whilst it was just you and him together so you gathered your courage to ask.

“you almost always hang out with me all the time and talk to me and share literally everything with me… why?” it almost sounded like you were putting yourself down and you had to admit a small percentage were the pure insecurities talking. Why did he even like you in the first place?

The question was striking to him. He blinked blankly at you and titled his head, scrunching his forehead as he thought about the question, his lips slightly pouted. “ No reason, I just think you’re nice to hang around, you’re a nice person,” he smiles again. That sickly sweet smile. That’s when you felt it again but this time it was different from the last. The breathlessness, the pains within your chest, the burning ears. It couldn’t be the feeling of embarrassment, it was much more than that.

“Oh right, I was just curious because you always talk to me and message me and wait for me and -” you pause for a moment to see his expression. It was a softish smile, his features so gentle; “slow down, don't worry, you’re just a really really nice person and I enjoy hanging out with you”

You nod at his response. It sounded so simple yet you felt like it had more meaning to it, like an iceberg. You remained silent after his response attempting to process what you were feeling.

“now let's get some work done, we are not good study buddies!” He prods the surface of your hand before your fingers close inwards instinctively.

Your cheeks burn a crimson along with the tips of your ears, panic settling in for no reason. “O-oh um i’ll be back, i’m just going to the bathroom,” you point, nervously breathy laugh escapes your lips before you push the chair back and speed walk to the nearest bathroom.

Your hand lingered over your chest, your forehead forming tiny specks of sweat that would race down your face. This was abnormal. Your heart felt like a rock anchoring you down but you had to compose yourself. you didn't want chan to feel like he was a problem because he really wasn't. He was nothing but sweet and selfless. You inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly and gathered your emotions and walked back out. You hoped Chan didn’t think you left upset or worse, abandoned him.

You walk back to the corner you were both sitting in, your legs feeling like jelly, and sit yourself down in front of him. His thick lips were pouty and a rosy hue, his hair was messy from ruffling it and his eyes were droopy as if he were to drift away whilst he looks down at his notes, hand on head, processing what he wrote but he seemed so gentle at this moment, like a sleepy puppy. Your fingers twitch to move his stray hairs away from his face before his eyes glance at you and you retrieve your fingers. “are you alright? you went away for a while?” He asks with a concerned tone.

“oh dont worry I just felt a bit sick,”

“sick! we should get you home!” he sits up alert.

“Wait, no! not sick… I think I'm just tired. It’s fine Chan don't worry,” you tut, clearing your throat as you sit up straight adjusting your posture.

“we’ll go in an hour from now,”

The remaining time there was awkward yet spending your time with him was enjoyable as if you didn't want that moment to end at all.

–

You were desk bound again because of your assignment deadlines that were close. You rest your elbow on your desk, leaning your head onto your hand as you fidget with a pen tapping it onto the desk. You contemplated the things that happened over the last few weeks for a while. The bedroom was silent, the ticking of the clock getting quieter as your clamorous thoughts engulfed you in that moment. You could hear your heart thumping out of your chest, the sudden feeling of pins and needles in your right leg from the lack of movement. You were overthinking again. The phone pings and the blue screen beams back at you alerting you of a new notification. Could it be the email from your professor or was it him?

Chris: Hey, you haven’t messaged me when you went home, is everything okay? Are you feeling better?

You breathed deeply, your fingers grasping the phone until the little line pops up and starts blinking.

blink

You carefully thought about your response. it shouldn't be too painstakingly cringe, or serious or blunt. Just the regular you. Although you were too aware of your behaviour for you to be somewhat normal.

You: Hey, i’m okay. i think i’m overworking a lot and my head started to hurt don’t worry about me

Chris: Oh okay, just don’t overwork yourself. I can hand you some of my notes if that helps and you can copy them?

Chris: And don't say no because I know you would :/

he read you like an open book, welp.

–

As time went by, your relationship with him was flourishing like a blossom tree on a spring day. Every moment was something new with your new friend and it was enjoyable to be with him. You went out with him, he came over to visit, you spent your breaks with him and he obviously helped you with note-taking. He made sure you were walking away from the road which caught you off guard, his hands gently settling on your shoulders and carefully moving you aside. He drapes his arm over your shoulders as you walk towards your accommodation; It was only then, when you and Chan were walking back where you really felt something and you realised what it was this whole time, it was like a final awakening and you accepted what this feeling was. You really did like Chan. It wasn’t the typical ‘i like him’, it was a burning passion, a longing for someone so kind and selfless like him, someone who understood you through your highs and lows. Chan was everything you wanted in a person yet you forced yourself to believe it was an unrealistic standard and went along with it. Your heart thumped through your best. You could feel your ears redden from the nerves and coyness.

–

The door to your room slammed against the wooden door frame that had only recently been replaced. Chan crashed onto your bed, his face buried amongst your plushies and pillows, his black cap beside him letting his chestnut locks sit against your ivory pillows. The sun rays beamed in through the blinds that were open enough to let a few rays illuminate your small bedroom. It was getting dark soon. You set your bag on the tan wooden floor although before you could sit on your bed, you had to change. “Chan, I'm just going to change real quick, you can play whatever you want on my laptop,” you point at your laptop as you open the door to the bathroom. You needed some time to get yourself together. You and Chan are just friends. Chan leaned back into your bedding, he felt at ease when he was at your place.

It darkened outside, the resplendent sunset disappearing over the horizon allowing the scintillating stars to adorn the stygian night sky. After you put your things away and hung up your bag behind the door, you jumped into your bed crossing your legs and leaning back into all your plushies and pillows. Chan was closest to the wall, leaning his head against it in a torpid state.

“are you alright?” you prod his shoulder, his head whipping to face you. His resting face was extremely pouty and his eyes seemed droopy from being exhausted. Almost always, Chan seemed sleepy with you but little did you know he was comfortable enough to be in a vulnerable state around you.

“oh yeah, I’m okay don’t worry about it!” He tried to sound somewhat energetic.

You and Chan talked, ate some snacks, talked again and watched a show together before it got too late. Chan teased every now and then by taking something of yours and holding it back, annoying you slightly; “Come on Chan give me my phone back!” you whine

Chan laughs “it’s kinda cute when you’re annoyed,” he says returning your phone.

What did he say?

You and Chan peacefully sit together again, only millimetres apart from each other, the tension in the room rising by the second until Chan sighs deeply.

“oh wow it’s already 12:30!” he leaps out of your bed. “I have to go, I have a meeting with the director of our year tomorrow at 9am”

“oh! i’m so sorry for keeping you for so long, i’ll walk you out,” you hastily lurch out, finding your slippers and a zip up hoodie to keep you covered and warm.

Chan’s smile was only on one side of his face, one of those smiles that you give (or get) when you are appreciative. “Thank you,” his voice was hushed but to you it sounded relaxing. You didn’t want him to leave.

You wave to him as he walks down the tenebrous street alone with his hood up.He exhaled in relief. He felt nervous, bothersome even, causing him to want to tear his hair out. Of course, these were destructive thoughts however they were one of many. He aggressively slapped his cheeks as he tried to shake himself back to what he thought was reality.

You tap away at your phone to message Chan despite him only just leaving. You couldn’t get enough.

YOU: let me know when you get some, it’s really late and dark

CHAN: I will <3

You stare at your phone with your mouth slightly parted. Do guys send hearts like this to anyone? It was too late at night to even ponder about it so you buried your face into your heap of pillows and plushie although something was different. Chan’s scent lingered. A mixture of sandalwood with hints of rose, you didn’t want to get up and stayed laid down on your bed, your cheek pressed against the pillow Chan was laying on as you held your phone on the lowest brightness waiting for him to reply.

Your eyes begin to droop, becoming heavy like rocks were tied to your eyelids before everything went dark. Your phone remained in your hands.

–

Sun rays greeted you as they slipped through the tiny gaps in the blinds gradually awakening you. A small groan passes your lips as you hear the birds chirping to one another, singing their morning song. Your hands pat your mattress in search of your phone; 7:56AM. You could’ve sworn you were waiting for a text from Chan! You shoot up awake, panic stricken, and jumped up from your bed frantically to unlock your phone. There was no message from Chan and you began to get worried, why did you fall asleep without checking if he got home safe! What if he got ambushed or hurt? Thoughts flooded your head until it began to overflow. Your fingertips pushed the hair out of your face despite stubborn strands falling back as you paced the room.

You pause as you see the ‘typing…’ pop up on your chat with him and relief hits you instantly. You

CHAN: Hey, sorry for not messaging you. I got home within an hour of leaving yours and fell asleep really quickly. I can imagine how worried you must be. let's meet on campus? sorry …

He finally responded at 8:10AM. Your anxiety evaporated and you brushed it off for now and calmed yourself down.

However Chan didn't get home within the hour of departing from your home. He took a detour to a small convenience store to buy a simple iced tea and took a stroll down a bridge. He thought to himself, a lot. There are many things a person could think about when it comes to understanding a relationship, whether that may be platonic or romantic. It was a topic that was sensitive to him due to whatever happened in his dismal past thus choosing to ignore it and start afresh. He knew he was insecure and worried of losing your trust or that he might do something to upset you resulting in you not liking him. He felt on edge most of the time though he tried to push it to the side because he knew you were nothing but caring to him although he was worried that he wasn’t up to your expectations. It was a constant battle with himself and he didn't know how to deal with it. He walked the rest of his way home, exhausting himself as you rested peacefully. That's all that mattered to him. Chan is a person that thinks about his actions and the consequences to an extent that is damaging. He is incredibly fearful of doing things wrong or hurting people which explains why he chooses to not have many people in his circle unlike yourself as you rely on your wonderful friends. He couldn't tell exactly what he felt and how to put it into place, so he thought and thought over and over again until it was painful to even think again.

Chan lay in his bed with his towel dried hair and sighed at the ceiling. “leave it until tomorrow,” he said to himself. He unlocked his phone to message you but before he could tap a few letters into the keyboard, he curled up in his bed drifting soundly to sleep.

–

During the first period class, as the lecturer presented the class, Chan nudged you to grasp your attention. Your head turned first and your eyes followed; he seemed a little different today his curls were messier and his cheeks were rosier. You didn't know if your feelings were just making you hallucinate.

“what?” you whispered in a hushed tone.

“ I got you this,” Chan hands you under the theatre room desk. It was your favourite drink from the store you always go to with him, it was surprising he even remembered.

Your demeanour changes. You were excited over such a small thing that he remembered that it made your heart skip a beat.

“What are you going to do now?” Chan asked as you both walked side by side to leave the room.

“I’m not too sure to be honest, is there anything you wanted to do?” you ask him.

Chan thought for a moment. “Have you started the assignment yet? could we start it together?” he did and said anything to spend more time with you.

“you’re eager aren’t you,” you giggle, your cheeks blushing a roseate hue. He couldn’t say how much he wanted to be in your company so these excuses will have to do.

It was always assignments that got you and Chan to be together otherwise there would be no excuse for you guys to hang out. You weren't the most straight forward person and nor was he so beating around the bush was something you both had turns out which began to get frustrating. You and Chan sat next to each other at a table as you assisted each other with the assignment. He had an endearing habit of chewing the top of his pen when he was focused planning and to him, it was endearing that you would do piano taps on the table to keep focused. He made sure he was close to you, shoulders touching, knees touching under the table and faces a couple inches apart. You had to contain yourself, so you started biting your lips due to your nerves. Thoughts raced through your head as you gazed at Chan focused staring back at his notebook. You turned back and felt his knee touch yours, causing you to move your knees together tightly so they didn't hit him again. His company was pleasant.

After an hour or so, you tapped the back of Chan’s hand -

“what’s up?” his face was close to yours and you felt like you could just kiss him right now but you couldn't let your impulsive thoughts take over. You gulp as your eyes trail from his lips back to his hazel brown eyes.

“should we perhaps go now? we’ve been here for a while” you gulp as you try to maintain eye contact with him though the nerves began to creep up slowly but steadily.

“If you want to, let's go,” he closes his notebook and laptop. “do you want to see the sunset with me today, only if you want to of course I understand if you have other things to do,” he scratches the back of his head and lets out a slight nervous chuckle.

Your heart was beating out of its chest that it felt painful but you didnt turn down his invitation. He made a bold move and this was clearly a date! you were relieved that he could ask you out for something other than writing an essay…

“ Of course, that sounds really nice! I’ll go home and get changed and I'll meet you,” you tell him sweetly.

“i’ll come to yours and we can go together,” he smiles as he rests a hand on the side of your arm. Chan actually meant ‘let's go on a date and watch the sunset, i’ll pick you up’ but he didn't try to coerce you into something you didn't want such as going on a ‘date’.

–

You got ready and changed into something a little warmer. You checked your phone and instantly saw Chan’s name on the screen meaning he was waiting for you downstairs. Your hair was tied up today, a long, tan coat draping down your body. You and Chan walk side by side talking about all the intricacies of the world. Just you and him under a setting sun and the potential sight of the moon. Chan took you to a secluded area away where there was a perfect view of the sunset. “this is where I come sometimes when I need a break from everything,” he says as he sits down on the sand, looking out to the sunset looking over the ocean. It was like a small cove looking area that was separated away from the main beach.

The sound of the ocean crashing onto the warm beige sands; the beach was imbued with such serenity within that moment in time. It was later during the evening so people had gone home and it was just you and Chan. The gentle breeze misplaced a strand of your hair sticking to your lips until you felt a finger brush against it attempting to move it away. Within that moment, your eyes locked with his and for a moment you felt the world stop. The waves stopped crashing against the shore and the wind stopped, although that’s what you thought. You could tell from the way he looked at you something in him changed.

“Too close?” his dimples deepen as he smiles at you shyly.

Your cheeks were now visibly red from being incredibly flustered. “o-oh no! no, don't worry” you clear your throat as he continues to smile, furrowing his brows as he gazes endearingly at you.

You and Chan spoke about a plethora of things from dreams and ambitions to your childhood unlocking deep aspects that you haven't told anyone. You felt like it was safe with him, he felt safe to be around. This felt more like a date than hanging out but ‘date’ was never uttered so you thought to keep that idea to yourself except, Chan thought the exact same thing.

–

As you and Chan walk side by side down the promenade, his fingers twitch as you admire the view to your right. He gulped hard before clearing his throat before his fingers slipped between your fingers attaining your attention as you turned your head around instantly. Your cheeks flood a pink, then a red and your eyes widen as if you saw a ghost, turning pale; his fingers tightened and grasped your hand. Your mouth was agape, eyes doe eyed facing Chan as he simply smiled with red ears. He was just as nervous.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he gulps.

You process it for a moment. He’s holding my hand. Chan is holding my hand. He likes me. He actually likes me back. you stop for a moment and you move your hand away from his, now facing him.

“I really like you, I hope it’s not something that would push us apart because I know we’re good friends too and I want us to stay as good friends bu-” You cut Chan off his nervous rambling by laying a soft kiss on his pouty lips. He paused for a moment before he pulled you in and returned the favour. A million fireworks and an army of butterflies set off whilst a heavy weight from your shoulders ascended. Chan moved back slightly, the winsome sparkle in his eyes clasping your heart as his flushed cheeks were a soft rosy pink, you couldn't help but examine his face again and again. Although, to Chan, you were just as entrancing as if you were an angel set free to roam earth. Every inch of you, to him, was like fine china; so dainty and delicate and he knew he wanted nothing but for you to be happy and safe. Anything he did was for you.

From that day, the rose tinted glasses veiled the naive eyes of two new lovers.

Although, it wasn’t official as one would say. Feelings were mutual although there was no step further into the relationship. It was confusing but you knew he liked you back but you waited for the right moment and the right time.

–

You were on campus using the library for some study time since you had some exams approaching. Chan had a meeting prior to meeting you to study as you alway do although this time he was a little later than usual:

You: hey where are you? It's been over an hour. Should I meet you elsewhere?

You: I feel stupid sitting here alone :/

typing..

Chris Bang: Hey, I'm so sorry. The meeting went over a bit today but if you want we can go and study somewhere else instead of the library.

Chris Bang: the librarian is a bit moody sometimes and doesn't like it when we talk

You: Where were you thinking?

Chris Bang: how about at a coffee shop together, you like coffee right?

You: but you don't! it’s unfair on you

Chris Bang: I’ll get something else dont worry <3

The stupid heart again. Your heart fluttered and melted within seconds of reading his selfless messages. You wondered to yourself if he was truly human because of his genuine kindness and selflessness. You closed your notebook and laptop and slid them into your grey, leather tote that you decorated with keychains that he gifted to you for no reason. One was a pearly keychain with a white, clear puppy charm attached to one side; you saw it when you visited a store together and he instantly bought it for you. However, you were the same when it came to love languages. You bought him a necklace with a tiny bear charm in the centre because he knew how much you loved them so it felt like having you with him all the time. The sentimental gifts were one way to keep a part of him with you and vice versa. You got up from the booth you were sitting at and realised you dropped something. You crouched to grab it from under the table before knocking your head from underneath. You bit your lip to stop any noise leaving your mouth but the back of your head thumped from the collison.

“hey hey, are you alright?” you hear a concerned voice from behind and as your teary eyes meet Chan’s worried face, you feel at ease.

you nod, despite the back of your head hurting slightly. “Let's go before you get hurt again,” he whispered as his hand hovered, waiting for you to grab it. As you stood up, he gently ruffled your hair to tease you a little bit before you winced at him, swatting his hand away. He found it endearing but he knew you didn’t like it all the time so he kept it to a minimum.

Everything felt too good to be true.

–

The weather began to get colder considering it was around mid November now. You could barely comprehend that summer went by so fast and it pained you to reminisce about it because of how amazing Chan made it for you - not that it usually isn’t but you get the idea. The icy air brushed the tip of your rosy red nose as your hands shovelled deeper into your coat pocket attempting to accumulate some warmth. You glanced to your right to see Chan with his hood over his head, his side profile peering from it. Your sharp inhale caught his attention as he turned his head to you slightly; “you alright?” he asks as he offers his gloves to you from his pocket without a second thought, it’s like he prepared himself.

you nod, “yeah, it’s just really cold and i’m so smart, I didn't bring a scarf with me,” you scoff at yourself.

“hm, maybe you should organise yourself a little more, good thing i’m pretty organised” his honey-like voice distracts you from the fact he removed his scarf from his neck and wrapped it around yours.

“ Wait, stand still for me,” he asks as he carefully secures it, the gentleness causing a tornado to whirl in your stomach. You were bewitched by Chan and his ascendant nature since he wasn’t worried about taking bold steps. You felt comfortable enough around him although your fervid feelings made you feel agitated at times.

You felt agitated because you knew you weren't just friends but you werent dating either so it was confusing. The anxiety consumed you from the inside out even though you knew what he saw you as.

–

The reason Chan kept it this way was simply because he was afraid of commitment and afraid that he would end up alone again. It was his fate to be left isolated from the world and he couldn't help but challenge it. He wanted to make sure that things would go smoothly and that his intrusive thoughts didn't get to him although it was a constant battle against him and himself, attempting to fight for something he really wanted.

–

His scent lingers on his scarf; A light lemon scent combined with a hint of apple, but the slightly sour green kind, with a sprinkle of spice and slight mintiness. During your daze, you and Chan end up at a coffee shop where he leads the way to a sequestered spot near the back of the cafe. “This is my favourite seat,” he says as he places his bag down along with his jacket. Your bag rests against the wooden panelled wall, painted a light beige tone as Chan turns to go to the counter.

“wait, wait for me!” you leave your things and your jacket at the booth.

“hey, it’s fine, I can get the things you si-”

“nono, let me come with you,” you insisted.

Chan’s heart set free butterflies swarming his stomach when you insisted on joining him. It always happened whenever you would stand by him, brush fingertips on accident, the gentle nudge whenever you look over to his notes or whenever he’s showing you something, whenever he accidentally bumps into you when you suddenly stop walking - a habit of yours you never knew you had. It was the small things that made his heart ache, his stomach flutter and his cheeks burn up by his nerves. You had an impact on him and yet you were left unaware of it.

You and Chan stood side by side waiting to order at the counter. You scan the comprehensive menu that had a million different combinations - maybe a million was an exaggeration. You couldn’t decide between a coffee or a cold pressed juice or perhaps a smoothie? The choices you had were almost impossible to choose from until you turned to Chan to ask for his opinion.

“hey Chan,” you tug at his sleeve, his cheeks blazing red.

“u-uh yeah,” he turns to you, gulping hard.

“Firstly, are you okay, you look really hot?” The choice of words were interesting but you went with it.

“oh yeah, i’m fine! i think the heating in here is on full,” he chuckles nervously.

“ohh yeah, I suppose it is. I was meant to ask, what are you getting?” you point at the menu.

Chan takes a moment to decide. “What do you want?” he asks

“I don't know, that’s why I'm asking you?” You prod his arm.

“oh well choose 2 things,” he says calmly.

“umm I liked the hazelnut latte and the green apple and berry smoothie,” you carefully read the menu.

“Then we’ll get those!” he decides before going to the counter to order without telling you what he wanted. He ordered both the things you wanted and you were left speechless, why was he like this.

During that evening, you both worked on things you had to do for your assignments while sipping on your drinks. “Can I try the smoothie?” you ask Chan. He nods and pushes the tall glass to you. You share the same straw as him, sipping the smoothie; “mm I made a good choice this is really good!” you return the glass with a ring of your lip gloss around the straw. Chan didn’t care. His lips place itself on the straw from where you drank, the rush of nerves and butterflies swarming through his body. To him, you were angelic; the way you spoke to him in a soft tone, whenever you found something funny and gently pushed him or hit his arm he found it extremely endearing. Whenever your head was absorbed into your textbooks or study or the habit you had of having your forehead creased as if you were angry was endearing to him and the way you’d chew the inside of your cheek and had to remind you to stop. All the small things made his heart flutter

–

You and Chan left the café at closing time after spending 90% of the time talking about something unrelated to the topic you were writing about, laughing with him and exchanging looks full of adoration. You never felt happier. You walked together, endlessly talking about a myriad of random things that seemed to be engaging for both you and Chan. It was the small acts of service that would send you into a daze like pulling you in front of him when careless people run by or when your earring got stuck onto his bracelet when he tried to take a leaf out of your hair but was gentle with you. It was the small things you loved so much, your heart physically couldn't take it.

–

As hours passed, the clouds began to appear, heavy, ready to set the torrential rain charging down to brawl with the concrete and leaves.

“It’s about to give us a rainstorm…” Chan sighs as he looks up before the heavy raindrops descend from the sky. You squeal at the cold drops of water gradually drenching you before you reach out to grab Chan’s hand. Who knew it would rain the day you forgot to bring your umbrella…

“I think we should go home,” you say as you hold his hand to guide him back to your place in the torrential rain. It was rather sweet how during the whole route home, Chan held his jacket over you to try and keep you as dry as possible although it was no use. The rain pounded the ground in rage as the wind roared fiercely; it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

–

The doors to your flat open up and the warmth collides with you like two elements combining; like fire and water. Luckily your accommodation complex was always warm during the winter time. Your hair was dripping in water as well as Chan’s hair too; “oh no, everything is drenched!” You gasp at his hoodie that felt like a soaked sponge, the palms of your hands pressing against his chest examining the saturated attire.

His hands gently wrap around the wrists moving them down, away from the hoodie with a smile full of endearment; “It’ll dry up soon, don't worry,” he smiles. Even though you both were stuck in bad weather, he managed to make you feel safe and happy first.

<< For Chan, it was the lack of safety he had that made him so unbearingly cautious of you and your safety. He wanted to make sure you were safe and happy with him, it was the least he could do by giving, if he couldn’t receive it in the first place >>

There was an odd feeling in your stomach that evening, something felt like it had shifted and was ought to happen although you brushed it off. It was a typical thing for you to feel when you and Chan were alone together. You felt sorry for him for having to hang out with someone who did the same thing day after day, you felt sorry you didn’t make things interesting despite trying but he didn't seem to mind. He seemed to always be immersed into anything and everything you had to say, do, or show. But why did he keep things as ‘just friends’?

–

It was late. You and Chan hadn’t stayed out for this long since you met and it felt somewhat rebellious, not to anyone in particular but mostly to yourself. It felt like Chan would whisk you away to somewhere so far away, where it would only be you and him. Nothing else in the world would compare to that. You tapped in your keycard to get into your building, Chan closely walking behind you; The sliding doors closed behind you, your footsteps resounding in the hallway as you walked towards the elevator. Your fingers itched but you clenched them tightly, digging your nails into your palms; glancing over to your side, you see Chan with his gentle smile as he tugs at the strings on his drenched hoodie. You press the button. No one was around, not a single student in the building was walking around at this time, considering it was 4:10AM. You press the up button to the elevator and wait for it to descend to the ground floor. “Thank you for tonight, this was the most fun I have ever had,” your voice was hushed and soft only for him to hear. Chan lowered himself to your face; “Thank you for giving me your time and allowing me to take you out for this long” the huskiness was soft and gentle, especially when he was speaking in a softer tone. You both stepped into the elevator and pressed the 6th floor since that was the floor your room was. Once the doors close, you turn to look at Chan; you both exchange a few looks. The energy was tense and you felt like something would happen and it did to your surprise. Chan’s palms cup your jaw as his lips press firmly against yours. It felt desperate, as if he had been holding back for a long time. Your cheeks burn up, your heart races and your forehead forms beads of sweat from the sudden surge of emotions. You froze, not in fear, but in shock. You didn’t know what to do and quite frankly, there was a lot but instead you leaned your body against the metallic wall of the elevator, your hands clenched towards your chest and eyes closed tightly. A million thoughts in a millisecond hasten intensifying your anxiety about everything within that moment. To him, it seemed like it didn’t matter; He parted away from you and let you open your eyes to comprehend what he did. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to shock you like that I just–” he sounded regretful, gulping so harshly as you watched his throat, your eyes gazing back up at him again.

“it’s fine,” you mumbled, trying to gather your thoughts, attempting to fathom his actions.Though from that moment, it did feel a little awkward and your response was worse than anything else you could have said.

You got to your floor and opened your room with your keycard taking off your jacket and throwing it onto the floor because it was still wet, pulling your hair tie out from your hair to let it down. You turn around to Chan who hung his head low, chewing his inner cheek, his solemn expression making his aura grey and dismal.

You clear your throat and take a step towards him.

“You can try again,” you whisper to him, “but please take your wet hoodie off,” You giggle. Chan’s face changes from a sad frown to a confused expression although his face also had relief written all over it. His eyes shot up in confusion and disbelief. “Wait, you didn't mind? you’re not mad?” the franticness of his tone causing Chan to stutter.. you shook your head.

And so, he slipped his hoodie off his body. “Seems like this is wet too…” he tugs at his t-shirt, the mischievous character slipping out within this moment as he starts becoming comfortable.

Without words being exchanged, without any more time being wasted Chan was cupping your face as his lips collided onto yours. The desperation in his bearing conveying to you everything he wanted. His lips brushed against yours like an ocean on an empty shoreline, like the universe paired you guys together like the ocean and the shore, like the moon and the sun; you both already knew you couldn’t live without each other. Chan inches closer to the edge of your bed. You melted into him, the way his lips would trail from your wet lips down to your jaw, to your neck and back to your lips again. You hesitated for a moment as your fingertips hooked under hist-shirt, halting Chan briefly before he eagerly pulled it over his head, casting it to the floor without a care. Living with this hellish anxiety about Chan seemed to dissipate as if he were a celestial being. It felt like you were living in hell with heaven right by your side. Chan’s teeth nip the tender skin on your neck, your gasp alerting him. “are you okay with this?” He asks with a worrisome tone in his voice. You nod your head, your fingers entangled between his locks, your fingertips grazing over his cheeks and lips ever so lightly. He left more kisses, whilst you placed your hands under his shirt holding him closer to you. One thing led to another as impulsive decisions were made between the two but you didn't care. You liked him a lot to the point you would definitely call it love. He loved you more than anything. The intimacy between you and Chan was all that mattered, you wanted nothing more than that.

Chirping birds sang their song at the break of dawn, the gentle sun peeking through the gaps of your blinds. Slowly, you open your eyes to see Chan on the other side of your once vacant bed. His messy locks lay across your pillow before he turns to face you again still soundly asleep and resting. His fingers twitched in his sleep, his eyebrows furrowing as though he saw something unsettling or fearsome. He did it again, his lips frowning in his sleep, was he having a nightmare or bad dream of some sort? You shuffled closer to him, wanting his arms to go around you again and within that instance, his arms held you close. It was a tight grasp however considering his dream, you were someone he needed then.

–

A few months went by labelless again. You and Chan did ‘couple’ things without the official title and you didn’t know why yet you didn't want to instigate a conversation about it in case it caused any problems which you strongly doubted.

You, Chan and your other friends met up again one evening at Yeji and Hyunjin’s house for a gathering the Hwangs organised since it had been a while they invited you around.

“Wow, it’s changed so much since we were kids!” you point at the new decor and wallpaper.

“I remember how we used to joke about pushing you down the stairs,” Han laughs and nudges you. “ah yes how could I forget, YOU were throwing a tantrum because you wanted something from Hyunjin’s room and he said no so that was your first instinct!” you nudge back. Reminiscing about your past with them felt as if you were reliving your past; you turned to Chan and he seemed reserved, sitting on the couch next to you his head hanging low. You duck under to peer at him though his woeful expression worried you slightly. You poke his shoulder and inaudibly mouth ‘are you okay?’. He returns a simple nod.

You and Han teased each other, as best friends do, although Chan felt quite protective of you at that moment and put his arm around you pulling you towards him. It definitely isn't malicious at all although you felt like the others were gawking at you right now.

Yeji leans over and whispers to your ear; “since when?” although you hush her by putting your index finger on your lips.

–

The beaming pearly moon shone over you and Chan as you both walked side by side, hand in hand. “You know, the moon is so pretty isn’t it?” you stop for a moment, admiring the floating orb.

“It really is..” Chan says softly as he gazes lovingly at you. His heart began thumping aggressively out of his chest, his throat becoming dry from being so flustered. You turn to him, your sweet smile releasing an explosion of confetti in his stomach. He couldn't help but smile. He inched closer, only a couple centimetres from your face before setting a soft, gentle kiss on your lips.

Everything felt perfect ~

The following few months stayed the same, just you and Chan visiting each other everyday. He visited your apartment so often, it was as if he lived there. You had so much planned for the future with Chan it was like the universe gifted you a blessing in disguise. Though something so beautiful blossomed, there was a pit in Chan’s stomach he couldn’t get rid of.

Self hatred,regret, insecurity, anxiety. The whole lot came crashing down, ruining his parade of emotions he had been enduring over the last few months. He tried to fight it and ward it off like an evil spirit but it came back, again and again. He didn’t know why he felt so much hate towards himself, constantly beating himself down to the ground when he knew he didn’t do anything wrong. It was all tough up until he had the opportunity to forget everything when he was with you, leaving any self destructive behaviour behind. He felt like he was back on track. His past was something you were unaware of since he kept it hidden and locked away, confined to the depths of his mind. He didn’t know whether he could be there for you all the time not because he didn’t love and care, but because he was so unsure about himself and whether he could handle the tragic effects of his unknown past. He didn’t tell you because he was afraid you’d leave and that would destroy him, being the reason for his demise.

But it takes courage.

Chan stares at his ceiling wondering what to do after seeing you so happy, patiently waiting for an answer that he knew you were waiting for despite not asking him. He pondered how to approach what he wanted to say; over text? too cruel. Over the phone? too cold and heated. Not at all? definitely a devilish thing to do. He knew what he had to do whilst feeling an excruciating tension in his chest whilst thinking about it. He fiddles with the necklace you bought him and reflected on the time he spent with you. The experiences he fulfilled with you. The things he took from you and couldn’t give back in case you regretted everything you did with him. He knew he was building up his walls again due to his past and the corruption that he, himself, endured.

You got a call from Chan on a random evening.You remembered the date clearly.. The blinds were slightly open as the breeze meandered through the slits into your bedroom circulating the small interior. You stood in the middle of your bedroom, with a smile on your face, since Chan called you. Hearing his voice was like medicine to you, it made you feel happier whenever you had a bad day or something of the sort. You tapped the green answer button and raised the phone to your ear as you continued to tidy your bedroom. Your cheeks ached from smiling so much since you missed him every second of every day.

Except, something wasn't right… Your stomach twisted into a knot.

Chan’s voice wasn't elated as it usually is. He didn’t sound happy or sad or excited or anything. He sounded serious, which wasn't like him at all. You clear your throat;

“Hey, are you alright Chan? Are you sick?” you ask him worried if he needed your help.

“hey, no i’m fine..” he pauses, “well kind of i don't know.. I wanted to ask if we could meet?” He asks.

“Of course Chan, i’ve just cleaned my apartment, did you want to come over? you suggested sounding rather fretful.

Chan thought for a while, this was a very important decision. “I can meet you at your place,” he said with slight hesitation.

Chan had been in a situation that had made him feel like he was a burden to anyone that he came into contact with. Despite his overwhelming, undying love for you he felt like it was too much for him to bear. Not you; the idea of eventually disappointing you with the possibility of you leaving him, loathing him, resenting him because of him. Of course he trusted you so much, he could trust you with his life however there was a feeling of guilt, worry, and an amalgamation of other things fused into one emotion. He didn’t want to hurt you and make you feel any bitterness towards him since he knew how much you loved him. He sat in his bedroom a few minutes before the phone call to you wondering what to say and how to say it but it was better said in person. He didn't want you to waste your time on someone that was seen as unreliable except no one understood his feelings like you did. That was the problem. You understood yet he refused to believe there was someone who did, someone made for him, someone who was tied to him with the string of fate. He ignored everything and went with what he thought was right; Sometimes following the heart is better than your mind..

‘You didn't do anything wrong’ that's all he wanted to tell you but it would sound like excuses. Chan was too close with chaos to the point where fear and chaos resided comfortably in his head slowly eating at his fragmented mind. He felt like he entered an eternal darkness that was difficult to escape, he was truly trapped now.

–

Chan sat next to you, your eyes glinting in the winter sunlight that broke through the blinds. You sat against your headboard smiling at Chan with deep admiration, just as you would usually when you were with him. He gulped before he spoke. “So…” he began with a hefty sigh, “ I don’t think we should become anything more than friends,” he sets it straight and clear slightly choking up on his words.. You stare at him with a blank expression your smile immediately fading to nothing, the words you wanted to say were getting stuck in your throat. It was painful. You wanted to say so much, so many questions yet not one came out and all you could do is stare at him. “I understand if there isn't much to say and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or lead you on and I know we did things you’ll regret and I took things from you I cannot return…,” he explains, his voice cracking at every moment he felt his heart break. “I understand if you don't want to see me again or hate me but you are so amazing, someone else would do a better job at being good to you,” he spewed absurd words at you that spiralled into your head and made you feel faint and overwhelmed but you listened because you really cared about him.

“you were nothing but amazing and I want you to know that you have done nothing for me to make this decision,” he said. “I don’t think, right now, I’m in the right state to be there for you, to protect you and to love you in the right way. I dont think I’m simply fit enough to be someone that you can be in love with.”

– “I don’t think i’m good enough for you and for whatever reason, I cannot tell you why…”

– “ For you, someday, … I wish I could give you all my love to you but I can’t help the way I feel and it hurts just as much it hurts you.”

He rambles. He lets himself say everything he felt explaining himself from start to finish. You filled your lungs with air and inhaled sharply before deciding to respond to Chan. “I understand,” you say. Nothing more, nothing less. You watched his expression change from somewhat fine to teary-eyed before he snapped and released a waterfall of tears.

“Please understand that everything I did and I said, I meant with my whole heart and I wouldn't change a single thing I endured with you,” he swallowed his words struggling to speak as his tears overthrew him. “you deserve so much more than this.”

“I understand you Chan, please don’t be upset,” you hold yourself back from exploding into tears, your heart cracking every millisecond. You have never, not once, seen Chan in such a vulnerable state, sobbing, eyes puffy and red. “Don’t cry or be upset,” you try to comfort him, brushing his cheeks dry, even though in that moment your heart was shattering into a million pieces, your soul was crushed and everything you ever feared arose from the dead. Your stomach knotted and your throat tightened making it harder for you to share your feelings but all you could do is force him a broken smile.

Chan stood up, drying his eyes and clearing his throat. “We can stay as friends and eventually we’ll be okay, right?” he puts his hands on your shoulders, gazing into your eyes that were already pooling at the sight of him. You nod without a second thought. This was a complicated relationship from the start but you couldn’t blame him. You wanted to kiss him but you couldn’t. He wanted to kiss you but he just explained why he couldn't be with you putting you both in a vulnerable state. Chan didn’t want to give you false hope but he couldn't help it so he pulled you close cupping one side of your tear-stained cheek setting a passionate, hard kiss onto your lips. You melted into him, fusing your fragmented heart with his as your eyes let the teardrops run down your cheek. This wasn’t a goodbye, yet it felt like it since the dynamic of you and Chan has completely changed now. You didn’t blame him, you never would. Once he parted away from you, drying your tears from your face, he took a step back and brushed his hands down his face and took a deep breath; “I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have continued to give you false hope…you shouldn’t have felt anything for me…i’m so sorry”

You shake your head, tears streaming uncontrollably down your cheeks.

“If you don’t feel comfortable at any point of us being friends, let me know okay?” He still cared about you so you wondered how it would all go from now on. “i’ll see you soon…” he tries to break a smile from under all the sorrow. You nod.

The door closes. As it does, you stand against it before sliding down with your hands in your palms sobbing by yourself, your heart aching from the heartbreak you were suffering. You sobbed to yourself for a while until you felt numb. As Chan gets home, he sits on the edge of his bed feeling parts of his heart empty and void. What has he done? He blames himself for hurting you, for being an awful friend, for being an awful person. He hated what he just created, he felt as though he should’ve kept quiet. All he wanted was for you to be happy although he ruined it even more.He grips onto his hair tightly as he lets himself loose, sobbing to himself on the floor. He needed something more to distract but there was nothing. He takes the sleeve of his hoodie to dry his face before lying on his back staring at his ceiling for hours on end.

You both looked at your phones to message each other but it didn’t feel right.

1:23 AM you sit on your bed squeezing a plushie for comfort as you surveyed the luminous, consoling orb that is situated in the centre of the sky outside of your bedroom window. The luminosity comforted you as you stared at it; despite tumultuous emotions and irrepressible tears you coped, the moon felt like a friend that gave you a gentle hug. You already missed the sweetness that you once had between you and Chan, his gentle hugs especially when he nuzzled his head into the nook of your neck or when he held your hands when they were turning a crimson in the bleak winter weather. He cared a lot about you so you didn’t understand why he halted anything from becoming more. ‘we can stay as friends right’ - those words echoed in your head. You knew it would be a lot for you to overcome these feelings but would he do the same? Would it take a long time? You didn't know, although you had all these questions that were left unanswered.

Time went on.

Everything felt unfamiliar when you returned to your classes even though he sat next to you and tried to make you smile. He slid a peach tea next to you before the class started but when your eyes met it was a different story. “Thank you,” you croaked before clearing your throat. You didn't open it but you put it in your bag as you tried to hold your tears back.

“how are you today?” he asked. The audacity of Chan asking that very question when you were left in tears and pain. “fine I guess,” you lied.

“I know you’re not fine, I'm sorry…” he whispered. You wanted to disappear at that moment but you simply shrugged and brushed it off.

The same thing occurred almost everyday until you began to meet your friends more and gradually tried to ignore and get over the harsh emotions you were feeling.

You: Hey

Chan: Hi

You: how are you?

Chan: the same

Chan: you?

You: i’m okay

*you lie again*

Chan: That's good, I'm happy you’re feeling better. I’ve got a part time job for the summer.

You: oh that’s cool! i hope it goes well, all the best

He’s moving on. A part of your heart felt empty almost as if it wasn’t fully healed from everything just yet but it would be easier if he moved on first. It would hurt much less than you leaving him first but Chan thought otherwise. He didn't want to leave the feelings behind first because he fell harder than he should have. Seeing you move on, to him, hurt less since he turned you down first and he felt guilty for it as if he were a villain. There was more than one shattered heart and only one was healing.

September. Autumn.

A new season and a new academic year approaches which also means your birthday was close by. You started to go into your classes later and leave later even though he wasn't in your class anymore since he chose different units. There were very few lectures you did share with him yet he sat at the front alone and it felt awkward to sit with him when there wasn’t much conversation over summer, only a few hey’s and how are you’s. That’s what broke you ever so slightly, you were drifting apart and you could feel the bond tear.

You walk through the campus and you see him walking in the opposing direction and you pretend not to see him because you couldn't face him but he called out your name;

“hey!” he waves at you, a softish smile paints his face as his eyes sparkle as he looks at you. you remembered that smile and how he used to squeeze you tight whilst smiling like that. You stopped for a moment and blankly glared in his direction confused about what he wanted to talk about.

“Happy birthday,” he says softly. He wanted to say ‘I love you’ but he put himself in a situation where it was impossible for you to go back to those feelings when you were ready to move on. He wanted to give you a hug and tell you how much he missed you but he was far gone from the opportunity.

“thank you,” you respond. A simple thank you and a smile. What more could have been said?

You hoped to be loved by him again although it felt far from that now. Despite Chan saying it wasn’t you, it felt like it. It felt like you weren't enough, unloveable and undesirable but the moments you shared with him also proved otherwise so you were conflicted with a myriad of feelings in the moment. You just wanted him to comfort you, to love you, to be yours but none of that was plausible anymore. He’s moved on and so have you, bittersweet yet something you both could learn from; it was just an instance of being the right person at the wrong time. From being someone you thought you’d be close to forever, you both seemed to have turned into strangers instead.

You lied again, you didn’t stay as friends anymore. Time found a way to rupture the bond you had left hanging by a strong and eradicated what was left. You missed him and every moment you spent with him from start to finish and despite the harrowing emotional warfare you met along the way, you missed Chan’s sweetness. His pureness and honesty was something you appreciated since he went above and beyond to make you feel as happy as possible but one wrong idea cast the relationship into ruin.

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sungielvr · 10 months

Text

Nervous Young Inhumans

4장

Warning - smoking weed, talk about depression

W.C. 2.2k

Once Seoyoon calmed her breathing she sat there for a second with her face tingling and her body numb thinking about what excuse she could give Chan as to why she can't go. But as her brain began to think she realized that this friendship might be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, she may never find friends as tight and as kind as these and she's just not ready to let her self-destruction ruin this quite yet.

That being said, Seoyeon's body still heavy heart still shaking she gets up and hops in the shower so she can hangout with Chan. She gets dressed into a pair of light blue flowy pants and a white tank top with a matching white sweater to go over. Seoyoon looks at her phone and texts Chan her address. When she looks back up at the mirror in her room she lets out a deep breath and smiles. She needs this to look realistic; she doesn't need someone to pity her.

Her awkward facial modeling in the mirror was interrupted by a ping from her phone—a text from Chan, indicating that he had arrived. Her heart started to beat a little quicker before she rushed out the door, she took a big hit of her dab pen before putting it in her purse hoping it would calm her nerves enough not to make an embarrassment of herself.

As she locked up and descended the stairs, Chan was leaning on the car, waiting for her. As their eyes met, an unknown force seemed to push her emotions to the surface, making her want to break down in tears and seek comfort in his arms. His eyes exuded an overwhelming compassion that momentarily shook her smile, though she quickly regained composure. Seoyoon approached him, waving, but instead of reciprocating, Chan looked concerned, quickly sensing that something was bothering her.

“Are you okay, Yoonie-shi?” Chan gently held her arms, scrutinizing her with care. Despite feeling small under his gaze, she playfully shook him off, reassuring him that she was fine, and proceeded to the passenger side of the car.

Chan let it go for the time being and got in the car with her, before he drove off he gave her his phone to let her play music. Seoyoon chose her Twice playlist, considering it a safe choice since almost everyone loves Twice. The short drive to the restaurant remained comfortably silent.

They both had their food and were working on the second bottle of soju.

Once they settled in and had their food, they began working on their second bottle of soju. Seoyoon couldn't help but giggle, noticing Chan's seemingly high tolerance, while she was definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol. Chan smiled fondly at her, but his concern grew as she appeared unfocused and slightly pouty.

“Maybe we should slow down on the soju, doll,” Chan suggested, attempting to ease any tension.

“You don't understand, Channie. My life has been so tough—I deserve this,” Seoyoon mumbled, her head now resting on the table as she began to cry softly. Chan might not have noticed if it weren't for the faint sniffle that caught his ears.

“Oh, Yoonie-ah, what's wrong? Please talk to Channie,” he urged, his voice gentle and sincere, prompting Seoyoon to look up with teary eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut, then let out a sob. To Chan, she looked like a little kid throwing a tantrum, and for a moment, he couldn't help but find her absolutely adorable.

She did a few exaggerated gasps of air before she spit out,

“ I- I’m getting evicted and i have thirty days to find a new apartment in my price range, on top of it i have so, so much homework to get done and i just- i just can’t anymore you know?”

Chan was once again stunned. His heart can’t help but hurt for the girl and the pitiful look on her face. He grabs her hand before speaking,

"Seoyoon-ah, don't worry, everything will be okay, alright? The boys and I have an extra room that we were using to store a couple of instruments, but it's nothing that can't be moved. How about you consider staying with us?"

Seoyoon's eyes widen in surprise, her mind racing for a moment before she shakes her head rapidly.

"No, no, no, I can't do that. I don't want to intrude, and besides, the boys don't know anything about my situation. It wouldn't be fair to just spring it onto them without knowing if they'd be comfortable with it."

Chan's eyes narrowed slightly, assuming a parental expression as if he were about to scold his child. Seoyoon noticed the change in his demeanor and instinctively curled in on herself, peering up at him through her eyelashes.

“Seoyoon-shi, let us help you, please. You don't have to go through this alone… How about I talk to the others about it first, and then we'll take it from there? How does that sound?” Chan's voice initially carried a strict tone, but as he continued to gaze at her, his demeanor softened. Seoyoon took a moment to gather her thoughts before responding with a small voice, agreeing that she would be okay with that.

After savoring the delicious ramyeon, Chan surprised Seoyoon with a sweet gesture by buying her an ice cream before they headed back. They stood outside Seoyoon's soon-to-be old apartment, smiling, and both thanking each other for the fun night.

“I have to head back to the boys now, and you should get some rest. Tomorrow's going to be a busy day with all the packing to do,” Chan said playfully, winking at her before turning to walk away. Seoyoon playfully rolled her eyes at his teasing remark, watching him as he walked away, and then she made her way into her apartment.

As soon as Chan stepped through the door, he was bombarded with questions about how the hangout went. With a smile, he redirected everyone to the living room, eager to share every detail. As he recounted the events, his expression turned solemn when he reached the part where Seoyoon broke down in tears. The boys exchanged worried glances as Chan explained her eviction and need for a place to stay.

In an instant, Felix and Jeongin sprang into action, rushing to the empty room to get it ready for Seoyoon. Chan had expected the boys' agreement, given how they all seemed drawn to her and willingly shared a piece of their lives with her, even after just a few days. With a sense of contentment, he headed to his own room, feeling compelled to call Seoyoon and share the news.

To his surprise, Seoyoon answered the phone. Her voice was soft and shy as she greeted him. Chan cleared his throat before breaking the news, "Hey, Seoyoon, so, bad news... The boys said they are more than okay with you moving in."

Seoyoon let out a relieved breath, her tone tinged with humor, "You're such an ass, Chan. I thought for a second they said no. I really appreciate this. I'll owe you forever." As she spoke, her voice broke, and once again, tears welled up in her eyes. But this time, they were tears of relief. Amidst sniffles, she whispered tiny thank-yous before telling him goodnight and hanging up the phone.

Before Chan had called, Seoyoon was sitting in her bathtub head leaned onto her knees while she stared deep in thought. Thoughts of her past and the seemingly relentless cycle of sadness and hardship swirled in her mind. She couldn't help but wonder what she might have done in a past life to deserve such a heavy burden.

However, as she answered the call, something unexpected happened. Instead of feeling the usual weight of melancholy and emptiness, her heart was enveloped in a tender warmth. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Seoyoon found herself genuinely believing someone when they assured her that everything would eventually be okay. The realization brought tears to her eyes,they were not tears of despair; they were tears of a fragile hope that perhaps the future could hold something different, something brighter.

After washing up, Seoyoon returned to her room, a genuine smile adorning her face as she packed some of her belongings. As the end of the week arrived, all eight boys gathered in the middle of Seoyoon's apartment, attentively listening to her directions. Once she finished giving instructions, they sprang into action, eagerly helping her with the move.

Seoyoon didn't have many belongings left to move, as she no longer needed most of her furniture. Despite this, the boys worked diligently, and the process progressed surprisingly quickly. In just 2 ½ hours, they managed to complete the job, leaving Seoyoon feeling grateful and overwhelmed by their kindness.

Now settled in her new apartment and finally alone in her room, Seoyoon decides it's the perfect time to start unpacking and carefully decorating her space to reduce the clutter. With music playing in the background, she takes a moment to relax and pulls out a new cart to smoke, creating a soothing vibe for herself.

About 20 minutes into her peaceful moment, a knock on the door startles her, prompting her to hurriedly search for clothes that would hide her scarred skin, as she was only in skimpy pajamas. "ONE SECOND!" she calls out from inside before opening the door to find Changbin standing there with a gentle smile on his face.

Seoyoon opens the door wider, stepping aside to let him in. Changbin takes a quick glance around the room before returning the soft smile. "Do you need any help, Seoyoon-shi?" he asks, to which Seoyoon nods with gratitude, a small smile gracing her face. Together, they work in a harmonious rhythm, helping each other unpack and arrange items.

As they make good progress, Changbin starts to feel a little bored but suddenly remembers what Jisung had told him earlier.

“Hey, Seoyoon, Sungie was telling us about how you're producing your own song. Is it okay if we listen?" Changbin's eyes were filled with genuine interest as he asked, leaving Seoyoon momentarily shocked before quickly responding.

"Oh, yeah, of course. Just, um, don't expect too much. I mean, I'm not that good," Seoyoon said, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves. She pulled out her phone and sent the song file to Changbin, trying to hide her shy and nervous blush by keeping her head down.

As Changbin received the file and glanced up at her with a mischievous grin, Seoyoon couldn't help but wonder what he had in mind. Before she could ask, Changbin burst out of the room in a fit of giggles, and Seoyoon took a few seconds to process what just happened and why he ran away. The realization hit her, and she ran after him.

Changbin made his way to the living room, calling all the boys to gather there. Seoyoon finally caught up with him and playfully dropped to her knees, begging him not to play the song out loud. But Changbin's grin only grew wider, and he proceeded to hook his phone up to the speakers. The other boys entered the room, curious about the commotion.

"Well, I had this amazing idea that we would all listen to the new song Seoyoon made together. Wouldn't that be fun?" Changbin explained to the guys, who readily agreed. He pressed play, and the room filled with the melody. Seoyoon couldn't bear to watch the others' reactions, so she dropped her head into her knees, feeling a mix of nervousness and vulnerability.

I always thought I was such a fool

나는 늘 내가 참 바보 같았고

At some point, I feel dizzy

언제부턴가 음 나 어지러운 듯해

I was always very anxious

나는 늘 내가 참 불안했었고

Swimming is still difficult

헤엄치는 건 음 아직도 어려워

I don't want to dance on my own

내 맘대로 춤을 추고픈 게 아니에요

I just wanted to get drunk

난 그저 취하고 싶었을 뿐이에요

Don't look at me with those sharp eyes

그런 날카로운 눈으로 바라보진 말아요

I just wanted to do well…

난 그저 잘하고 싶었을 뿐이에요…

Seoyoon's eyes remained closed as she hummed in perfect harmony to the song, completely immersed in its melody. She lost herself in the music until it came to an end, and she opened her eyes, anxiously awaiting their reaction. To her delight, the boys erupted into cheers, showering her with praise and admiration for her incredible talent. Some of them couldn't resist patting her head or pulling her into brief, excited hugs. Seoyoon blushed, her face radiant with joy and gratitude, though she tried to contain her excitement with a bright but shy smile.

At that very moment, every boy in the room realized how much they adored the glow on her face, the happiness that radiated from within. It struck them all deeply, and they silently made it their mission to bring that same sparkle of love and happiness to her life every day. From that point on, they cherished every opportunity to witness her giggle and see her shine, knowing that Seoyoon's happiness was something they all wanted to protect and nurture.

prev/next

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mostlycompetentwriter · 2 years

Text

End of the Year - Wrapped

I just wanted to extend my sincere gratitude to everyone who has continued to read and support my work! Here’s something fun I made for you inspired by the Spotify Wrapped stories! Just a little research into what you guys liked the most!

Stay tuned for what I have in store for 2023!!!

#spotifywrapped #but make it fanfic #straykidsfanfic

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skzeuphoria-blog · 1 year

Text

send requests/submissions!

guys!! please send me short fics/situations to write 😩😫

#skz #smut #skzsmut #straykidssmut #skzfluff #fluff #straykidsfluff #fanfiction #straykids #straykidsfanfiction #straykidsfanfic #skzfanfic #skzfanfiction #requests open #requests #smuttrequests #smut talk

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seongoftheheart · 2 years

Text

Day 1: Oceanbound, by dulcetchan

"Blue, all around him. Boundless amounts of blue, all the way to the horizon, where the cloudless sky met the sea. Little islands dotted the view, Felix could see the outline of another ship far away from them. The wind swept his orange locks away from his face, made his eyes water. Sunshine sparkled against the sea, nearly blinding Felix. Laughter bubbled up from the depths of his chest. Felix wanted to let go of the mast, spread his arms and shout from the top of his lungs."

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fanfic-odyssey · 3 months

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been a while

been while since i've been here, uni has kept me busy lol

#kpop #skz #straykids #smut #skzsmut #fanfic #skzfanfic #straykidsfanfic

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julesdelusionsescape · 11 months

Text

FANFICS REPERTOIRE

BTS:

Seokjin

Yoongi

Hoseok

Namjoon

Jimin

Taehyung

Jungkook

BTS masterlist

STRAY KIDS:

Bangchan

Personnal favorites

#seokjinfic #yoongific #hoseokfic #namjoonfic #jiminfic #taehyungfic #jungkookfic #masterlistficbts #straykidsfanfic #bangchanfic

0 notes

kittenstay · 2 years

Text

For The Pack

Mature Content

Tags: stray kids, skz, skzsmut, skzfluff, skzangst, OT8, omega alpha betta, pack mentalit

Chapter 3: Sugar And Spice

When you woke up the next morning your bed was empty. Hyunjin must have left while you were sleeping not that you could blame him. Something about today just made you feel off. The second day if the worst. You didn't want to admit it but you were lonely. Unfortunately it's not like you could leave your room but you craved something anything. Minuets felt like hours. As you thought about everyone the hours rolled by. You thought about them all sitting in the living room laughing telling jokes. Their smiles so clear to you. Suddenly the door opened and in walked Minho of all people. "You don't have to hide in here ya know." he said standing in the frame of your door. Your eyes fixed on him. His scent was so strong you knew if you were standing it could have knocked you off your feet. Cinnamon, cloves and whiskey. It almost made you drool. When you finally spoke you sat up sighing as you swallowed holding back tears. "I know. But after what happened i just cant. Felix and Innie are down there and i don't know if i trust myself anymore." He scoffed as he rolled his eyes. " oh please. you're the same annoying girl who likes to irritate me when i'm cooking." You felt a smile creep onto your face. "Says the one wearing a scent blocker. You know i could knock you on your ass right now." Minho wasn't always the most vocal but he knew how to make everyone smile. Little things were the best. He laughed the smile that you rarely see beaming on his face. "Well excuse me miss. How about i make you some cocoa and bring you some cookies since i know you haven't eaten much?" You nod in response as he shuts the door hearing the scurrying from the stairs several voices talking. You couldn't help but whimper. "My babies..." You felt your body almost go cold before laying down sighing. When the door opened you didn't even move. You heard Minho shut the door and walk over sitting on your bed. "Sweet girl i have your cocoa." you didn't even know if you wanted it but you reluctantly sat up. Taking the warm cup in your hands you inhaled the smell before taking a sip. "Mmm." you cooed. Minho leaned in and kissed the top of your head. "It will be better soon." You sniffled a bit trying to keep the tears from running down your face. Why did it hurt so bad. It's not like they left you. They were downstairs. Why were you reacting like this. You didn't even realize the tears that streamed down your face until he brushed his hand against your skin wiping them away before sitting behind you holding you against his chest. As you inhaled you felt the warmth hit your body. "We love you.None of us are going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere." you nodded sipping from your mug before setting it down on the nightstand curling against his chest. How could someone with so much Spice be so sweet?

#straykidssmut #straykidsfanfic #straykidsfluff #bangchansmut #felixsmut #leeknowsmut #hyunjinsmut

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ethan806 · 3 years

Text

Comfort

Hyunjin x GenderNeutral!reader

Today wasn't one on the best days. In fact, it was one of the worst. You were laying in your bed, having finished all the work you needed to do. It was now 6pm "He should be back soon right..?" You mumbled to yourself, wiping away the tear that managed to slip out of your eye.

Your boyfriend, Hyunjin, should be home already. He promised.

It was now 8pm and you finally heard the door opening and closing. Your tear-stained face didn't move, not even a small smile showing up. Instead you sighed, wiping away the tears that were still flowing down your cheeks.

You could hear Hyunjin's steps as he walked up the stairs, you sat up, for the first time in 4 hours, and stretched a little.

Just as he entered your room and wanted to say something, you burst out crying once again "y-you were s-supposed to be home a-already..." you cried as he rushed to hug you.

A string of 'I'm sorry's spilled out of his mouth as he wiped all your tears away. "Baby I'm so sorry, I didnt mean to come home so late.. please forgive me Y/n.. please" He practically begged you, his eyes big as he looked into yours.

"It's okay Jinnie..." you say, gently cupping his cheek "I was just worried about you.. a-and I'm just.. not feeling well today.." you sighed quietly. He layed down beside you and hugged you close to his chest. "I'm sorry baby.." He whispered once more as he stroked your back I an effort to comfort you.

"I love you so much" He said and kissed your temple.

Requested @hyunsluvv by I hope you liked it!

And im sorry if that's not how you imagined it ^^'

#requests uwu #straykidsfanfic #skz fluff #skz #skz imagines

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christopher-bangnaldoskzz · 2 years

Note

Hi, so this is a big request, not sure if it’ll be too long considering my whole idea. It’s a “smut” idea that I think of a lot. My idea of it is being a collab between Chan and a female idol/artist/reader for a second mv for Red Lights, they’re good friends and all, that song in my opinion is a like very smutty song, the reader is wearing a red outfit, don’t have much of a description for it except part of the outfit being a corset. The mv is more on the smut/sexual side of things, Chan grabbing the reader here and there, neck grabbing, and some of it in my head being that Chan is almost leaving kisses up and down her neck, like the chemistry between the two is like on fire type of deal. Towards the end of the making of the mv, reader is alone in their changing room, sitting around, a few people are around the set but not in the changing room, Chan comes in to talk to reader, they talk for a bit and then things start to get hot and heavy after a few minutes ❗️if this is too much to try to write a smut on or not enough descriptions/ideas for some of it, or you don’t feel like you can or want to write something on this, I completely understand, I don’t expect you to be able to write anything on it. I just thought I’d send my idea to someone I know who writes smuts❗️

Bangchan x reader

Genre: Smut baby, romance, love at first sight

Word count: 6.6k

Warnings: finger, oral sex (males & female receiving) coming on body parts, unprotected sex (don’t be stupid people wrap it before you tap it) use of the word cunt…. Amongst other things that little children should not be reading. So if you are under the age of 18, this is not for you.

Masterlist

“ACTION” the producer screams then the music starts to play

🎶 make you feel my love, oh🎶 “okay Y/N hands on throat in 3…2…1” you place your hand on chans throat

🎶 Now, tell me you hate me, 더 이상 널 버틸 수 없어🎶 “ANNNNNNNDDDDD CUT….on to the next scene” the hair and makeup team run in.

The next part was the beginning of the song. Christopher was going to have to rough you up on camera. “Okay, Y/N, we have you in a costume change” you all of a sudden got ripped away into the change rooms. The costume lady pulls out this corset.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” you say as she pulls out the matching underwear.

“How the fuck am I going to fit into that” you tuck your hair behind your ears and grab the corset, lifting it to the light.

“What are these dangly parts,” you say. The costume manager laughs as she walks over to you.

“It’s okay, miss Y/N it will look amazing on you…. Just trust us, okay” you have to agree you’ve come too far to stop production now.

“Okay, I’ll put it on for you”, you smile. She grins as she helps you put it on, tying the corset so tight to cinch your waist.

“Perfect,” she said, turning. You are around to look in the mirror. The underwear was barely covering your vagina, and the rest of the outfit was just as revealing.

“I’m not sure if Christopher will be comfortable with me wearing this,” you said as the manager pushed you back out, closing the dressing room door.

“Y/N good you ready”, the stage hand brings you to the next scene. Chris is their bare chest, and he looks so embarrassed to be half naked as well. It got you so much comfort knowing he felt the same.

“Fuck me,” he said when he saw you. His mouth dropped, and his body went stiff. It felt like his eyes scanned your entire body.

“OKAY, QUITE ON SET……3….2….1” you had no time to make small talk. The producer was already starting the music.

🎶 I cannot breathe without you being right by my side. I'll die🎶 Christopher’s lips touched your earlobe as his hand slid up your side. Bring your hand behind his neck. You tilt your head so your lips are almost touching while he lip-syncs. You continue this for a couple more rounds until they think they have a perfect shot.

“Okay, guys, THAT'S A WRAP,” The man says. Christopher lets go of your hips, and you sprint to get this off your body.

…..

“Omg,” you gasp, holding onto the chair in front of you as you cannot finally breathe.

“You looked so beautiful out there”, the younger stylist said while packing her things up.

“You think so?” Your eyes glimmered as you smiled towards the young lady. You loved to hear good feedback, especially when you felt as insecure as you did at that moment.

“We will clear out so you can get dressed,” the manager said, shooing everyone out of the room.

You take your corset off and throw on a hoodie. You sit on the couch they placed in the dressing room and take out your phone “finally, a minute alone”, you say while scrolling through Instagram. You sat cross-legged on the couch, still, in the stockings and underwear you wore from the music video.

*knock knock*

“Shit….come in”, you called.

“Sorry to …….uhh….omg…. I am so sorry….I thought you said to come in” Chris was fumbling all over the room, trying to find the exit.

“It’s okay…it’s okay…. Relax…. I said, Come in” you laugh, pulling him to sit on the couch.

“What’s up, Channie…. You’re sweating,” you giggle a little.

“Oh no, I’m just hot”, he smiled, fidgeting in his spot.

“I’ll get you some water” you got up and walked over to the mini-fridge, bending down to grab Chris’s drink. You smile a little knowing your ass is in his view. You turn around, and Chris's head turns away quickly, looking at the posts on the wall.

“Here you go,” you say, handing it to him.

“Thanks, I appreciate it”, he replied

“Soooo…I was thinking of tomorrow in the bed scene….instead of” you got this excellent idea, what if you teased Christopher. All the idol girls loved him. All you heard about for days before coming to this music video was how attractive and polite this man was.

“Chris…..I have an idea. I’ll show you what I mean,” he almost chokes on his water.

“Ohhh….Ummm…okay,” he is so awkward it’s kinda cute. He puts the water down and turns to face you.

“Okay…..so you’re lying down” you smile as you push his upper body down, so he’s now lying on his back. “And I’m on top like this”, you swing your leg over, so now you’re straddling him. “ what if I do this” and you lower your body, so your lips are hovering over his. “Is this too much, you reckon” without thinking, Chris attacked your lips, holding the back of your head in place while he aggressively kissed your lips.

“Fuck…..you’ve been teasing me all day,” he says, breaking the kiss.

“I have not”, you reply, smacking his chest playfully.

“Mmmm, sure” his hands move to your hips, pushing them down, so now you’re sitting on his pelvis.

“Explain to me how?” You give him a cheeky smile, and he leans back up, reconnecting his lips with yours. You move in sync, pushing his upper half back on the couch. “Okay, maybe I have just a little”, he scoffs in reply to your comment.

“I knew it was going to be hard… doing this music video with you….but fuck me….you make me so horny” he takes a deep breath in and presses his lips to yours again. You part your mouth, allowing his tongue access to your mouth. You begin to grind on his clothed member. Chan pushes your hips down, forcing you to stop. “Stop….we couldn’t be doing this…in the stage clothes that are” he gave you a cheeky grin.

“True… do you have a condom?” You add Chris was so horny he forgot to bring his wallet. You were on the pill, however, you did prefer to use a condom as extra protection.

“Fuck, it’s in my changing room. I’ll run and grab it” he pushed you off and adjusted himself. “You change into something, okay I’ll be back”, he runs out of the room.

…….

He ran out and down the hallway towards his dressing room “fuck, where’s my wallet” he ripped that room apart, looked under all the couch cushions and finally found it.

“Please, god, let it be in there….she’ll kill me if I don’t have one” he knew he always kept one in there however, it had been a while since Chris last used a condom, and he didn’t know if he replaced the last one.

He opened up the section he would usually put it in, and to his surprise, he found one with a tiny note. “Channie Hyung….good luck….Y/N is fucken hot as fuck soooo in case you need this…” it was signed by changbin the Cheeky cunt. He looked up and rolled his eyes. This wasn’t his intention to sleep with you; however, he was grateful for his best friend who pulled through when he couldn’t.

“That cheeky cunt”, he mumbled. “Thank you,” he said as he placed it in his back pants pocket and walked back to your changing room, Chris didn’t want to walk with too much purpose to not draw attention to himself.

“Yo Chris”, his head shot up as he recognised the voice.

“Oh my god fuck….what are you guys doing here” he did not look impressed. All 7 of the boys had shown up to check out the set.

“We came to see you silly….why got something better to do?” Hyunjin spoke up.

“I’m actually on my way to a meeting”, Chris was quick on his feet “, but you guys go into my dressing room. I’ll be 45 minutes tops. Changbin looked at Chris and narrowed his eyes. Chris shot him a look to which changbin replied.

“Okay…will see ya in 45 then” none of the boys objected, and all started to walk towards the freeing room except changbin.

“Did you get my note” he smiled as he passed Chris.

“Yes, now piss off….and do me a favour…..take the boys out for lunch and don’t let them come back until I text you, okay” changbin was suspicious about what was happening; however, the look you gave him before now clicked.

“Oh, shit….your gonna sleep with her….you lucky Son of a bitch…how does it feel to live my dream” he laughed, patting chans shoulder.

“It feels fucking good, now fuck off the lot of you”, changbin laughed as he walked away towards the dressing room to collect the boys.

Chris opens the dressing room door, and you are dressing in the same dress you walked in with on.

“What took you so long,” you say, dragging him inside.

“The boys are here” he smiled as he swung the door shut behind him.

“Oh really…should I go say hi” you tease as you go to open the door. Chris grabs your wrist, pulling you back towards him.

“You can say hi to them after I’m done” chan pulls you towards the couch sitting you down.

“That is so hot”, you grin as he pushes you down, kissing your lips while taking his denim jacket off.

Laying you down, chan slides his hand up your thigh grabbing on and squeezing as he part your leg kneeling between them.

“All the girls in the company would be so jealous,” you say, pulling away and running your hand up his chiselled stomach.

“Huh?” He said, kissing down to your neck.

“Really…. Like every girl in JYP thinks you’re hot” chan paused for a second, lifting his head.

“They what?….no they don’t”, he laughed.

“They do”, you wiggle to passion your body better on the couch.

“Well, practically every male artist wants to sleep with you”, he added. This was a shock to you. You had no idea that people even noticed you let alone male idols.

“You’re just making that up”, chan continues to nibble and suck on your neck.

“I’m not…but that doesn’t matter because you’re all mine” you never liked the idea of being someone's property. However, your mind quickly snapped out of it when Chris lifted your dress, exposing your wet underwear.

He runs two fingers up your clothed vagina feeling how wet you are for him. “You are so wet for me, baby….that is so hot”, you blush as you start pulling at his t-shirt, aching for him to take it off.

He lifts his body, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it across the room. His muscular arm is on either side of your body, and he smiles as he plays with the top of your underwear line.

“Your turn,” he says as you sit up and pull your dress off. It meets his shirt on the ground.

“I want you to bend me over this couch, Chris”, you moan between kisses. Chris chuckles out of excitement. He has wanted this since he saw you 6months ago. You are the only idol in JYP Chris has ever wanted to hook up with.

Chris picks you up, showing you how strong he is “before we get to that, I have some other ideas” he smiles he leads you to a wall, where he pins your back against it. You unwrap your legs from his waist, “you can do whatever you like”, you say, sucking his earlobe.

He kissed along your jawline until he reached your lips. “I want you so bad”, you whisper before he kisses you passionately, your mouths working in sync, your tongues tangling with each other. With your underwear now dripping with your arousal, Chris brush’s the top, waiting for your approval to pull them off your tight little body.

But you remove his hand. Chris is shocked. Did you not want to continue this? “You are gonna have to beg for this pussy” the grin on Chris's face begging was something he never did, so this was a challenge he was willing to accept.

“We will see about that” with that, Chris reaches around the back and clips your bra. He grabs one in each hand, massaging them as he places kisses down your neck. He starts to suck on your breast, using his tongue to flick your nipple, squeezing to shove more into his mouth.

“There is honestly not enough time to do all the things I was to do to you today”, he moans as you reach down and start stocking his cock.

“Who said we have to do it all today” you smile as he stops sucking for a second to look at you.

“Do you mean that?” He was looking at you for confirmation.

“Yes,” you lick your hand to use it as lubrication, continuing to stroke his cock.

“That is so hot… so tomorrow as well, then?” He started to kiss your shoulder bones, and you rolled your neck to the side for more skin exposure.

“Let’s see how today goes,” you say in a cheeky tone, leaning in and placing your needy lips on his.

Chan has his hand pressed against the wall next to your face while his other hand roams your body.

“Please, Y/N… let me feel you’re wet pussy”, he huffed into your ear.

You grab his hand and place it onto your now naked vagina, his fingers spreading your lips. Your back hits the wall as chan creeps closer, pinning you while you stock his cock.

Chan rubs your entrance before inserting two fingers inside you curling his fingers to hit your g spot.

Chan moans into your shoulder as your grip on his cock tightens just the right amount. Chan uses his thumb to circle your clit, making you arch your breasts into his chest.

“Come on baby… come for me”, he moans in your ear. You kiss him as you increase his speed and stroke his dick. He moans as he two speeds his finger up.

“ Oh, Channie”, you whimper as you feel the heat in your stomach rise a release through your whole body.

Chan grunts as you feel him release his load into your hand.

He lifts your chin and kisses you softly “thank you…. It's been a while since I’ve cum like that” he smiles as he pecks your lips.

“Again tomorrow?” Your question.

“Fucken oath”, he laughs as he pulls out of you, his fingers covered with your arousal.

You wash your hand in the sink, chan following after you.

“I better go meet the boys…did you want to get dressed and come along,” he said, pecking your lips again. Chan couldn’t get enough of you.

“I can’t sorry… I have so much I need to do for tomorrow,” chan pouts at your response.

“Can I call you tonight?” This man was whipped after one hand job.

“Mmmmmmmm, let me think about it,” you say, putting your bra and dress back on.

Chan snakes his arms around you, placing kisses behind your ear. It takes everything in you not to turn around a rip Chan's clothes back off.

……..

Later that night.

Chan

“I Miss you.”

Y/N

“You saw me 5 hours ago.”

Chan

“Yeah, I miss you…and how you moan my name.”

This man is the hornest motherfucker you’ve been with in a while.

Y/N

“Christopher”

Chan

“Yes”

Y/N

“Did you want to come over?”

Chan

“Be there in 15, yeah.”

Chan was excited. He had never had a booty call. He went to walk out of the dorm when he was court by changbin.

“ Where do you think you are sneaking off to,” he said with a half smile.

“Y/N’s,” he said with his head down.

“You horny bastard”, he laughed “here, take these,” he said, tossing him a box of condoms.

“Don’t you think this makes me look too keen?” chan said, looking at the box in his hand.

“Well.. you are the one sneaking out to get your dick sucked,” changbin said, patting his shoulder while pushing him out the door.

“You think she’ll suck my dick,” chan said as the door was shut and locked in his face. Chan smiled as he walked into the elevator. The idea of you portraying sucking him off made him gitty.

He is wearing his favourite hoodie and sweats to your apartment. All jyp idols live in the same building, it’s easier for the company to pick up and drop off. He knocks on the door, and you look breathtaking. Chan immediately feels guilty for coming over to take advantage of you.

You pull him over to your couch “shall we start here” you say, pushing him down and straddling him. He gulps before you place your lips on him.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come here,” he said, pulling away.

“Why,” you say, running your fingers through his hair.

“I feel bad….. like I’m just using you as a sex doll or something” you look into his eyes, and he seems genuinely worried.

“Channie,” you say, racking your fingers through his hair.

“Mmmm,” he says, eyes flicking to your lips.

“Shut up,” you say, pressing your lips down on his he squeezes your hips, and you rock back a forth.

“I want your pretty lips around my cock”, he said as you deepened the kiss. You wearing joking when you told yourself you were going to make him beg for your pussy.

“I can do that,” you say, getting off his lap and kneeling between his legs.

You pull down his sweatpants and his jocks, his dick bouncing out. You lick your lip, and just before you place them on the top of his cock he stops you.

“Chan, WHAT NOW,” you say, looking up at him, annoyed.

“I want to make sure….you are okay With this. I’ve never done anything like this before” he was sweet, you had done this countless times before, but with Chris, it was different. You wanted to take care of him. He was sweet and kind.

“Done what… a one-night stand?” You say, confused.

“Yes,” he said, leaning down and kissing you.

You placed your lips on his tip, sloppy kissing down his shaft. Chan relaxes on your couch and starts to run his fingers through your hair as you put his balls in your mouth.

“Fuck baby”, he moans as he grabs and tugs your hair.

You grab and play with his balls as you look up at him, spread on your couch, enjoying your mouth on his hard cock. You lick his tip, making him cringe a little, indicating that your actions are working. “Do you like that, Channie” you whimper, wanting reassurance from him.

“Every much baby”, he moans as you continue to suck and swirl your tongue around his cock, all while using your hand to play with his balls. Chan starts to buck into your mouth, forcing his dick to hit the back of your throat.

“Oh please…you are gonna make me cum”, he moans suddenly. He ejaculates into your mouth, making you swallow immediately. He pulls your head back by your hair and leans in to kiss you.

“What did you want from me,” he said seductively. You thought you might play a little game with him.

“Nothing….you can go now”, you smile. He was shocked. He looked at you as you stood up.

“Huh?…you don’t want…..wait, what?” You had heard rumours about chan. He liked to have a relationship with the girl he was sleeping with. He wanted to get to know her. Making her feel good was what drove him. So you decided to test that theory and tease him. It seemed to work because he had a tight squeeze on your hips.

“Isn’t that what you came here for?” You questioned. He was so confused.

“I thought maybe…I don’t know….shouldn’t this be an equal exchange” he said, trying to pull you in, eager to satisfy you.

“No….I’m okay, Channie,” you say, kissing him. He’s now squeezing your ass. “You can go home now”, you smile “ I’ll see you tomorrow”, you continue. “Bye, Channie”, you kiss him as he pulls up his sweats. He walks out and grabs you one last time.

“This is over the right?….you still want to do this with me again…because I do like you” his eyes were searching your face.

“We will see”, you smile. He let go of you, and you shut the door.

……….

The next day

Chan

“Good morning beautiful….I can’t wait to see you today.”

You couldn’t help but smile at your phone truth was you did like chan more than you have ever liked anyone.

Y/N

“Happy last day of filming 🥰”

You didn’t want to show chan how excited you were to see him. After he left last night, you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

……

meanwhile

“Channie Hyung, we are all coming with you today” Jeongin smiled as the boys came out of their bedrooms, chan almost choking on his glass of water.

“Whose idea was that?” Chan knew the exactly whose idea that was.

“Changbin Hyung… he said he wanted to see you in action”, chan laughed. He couldn’t fucking believe the nerve changbin had.

“Cheeky cunt”, chan mumbled as changbin patted him on the back. Chan turns his head, and death stairs him.

“Come on then, Channie Hyung, we are going to be late” changbin smiled, knowing chan couldn’t say anything without exposing himself for wanting alone time with you.

All the boys rushed out the door leaving chan and changbin in the kitchen alone for a moment “cock block”, chan said to changbin, who laughed.

“Have you bought her a gift yet?” Changbin added.

“I’m supposed to buy her a gift” Chan was so confused.

“Yes….see you need me”, he again pats his back as he walks towards the door.

“Wait….what should I get her?” Chan said, running after changbin.

…….

Ryujin

“How’s the music video going?”

Y/N

“Good last day today.”

Ryujin

“How does it feel to be inches away from chans face….. that’s my dream 🤣🤣🤣”

Oh, Ryujin, I have been far closer than just inches, and from his face, you thought to yourself.

Y/N

“Good, he is very nice 😊”

Ryujin

“Changbin texted saying he and the boys are coming down…..so some girls and I are coming as well.”

Ryujin had a thing for changbin, and all oh JYP knew it. She would have been excited that he texted her, but the fact that he was made you think he was up to something.

Y/N

“Oooohhh, are they now…..sure come on down.”

You messaged chan

Y/N

“So I heard your boys are coming for a visit. Can’t wait to meet them finally.”

Chan

“I am so sorry….they just sprung this on me this morning.”

Y/N

“It’s okay…..I am excited to meet them… especially changbin….Ryujin doesn’t shut up about how great he is 😂”

Chan couldn’t help but get jealous; in the car, he locked his phone and squeezed it, placing it upside down on his leg.

“You okay, bro” changbin said, placing his hand on his shoulder.

“Hana?…. Today could you make it your mission to find miss Y/N a thank-you gift?”

Chan's assistant Hana nods and starts looking immediately for gifts online. “What do you think she would like, Mr bang.”

“Ummm, she has a lot of Prada things, so maybe a nice new bag” changbin almost choked on his spit.

“Those bags cost millions of won Hyung” chan didn’t care about him. This was nothing. Chan competed for your heart. He wanted to show you why you chose to sleep with him and not changbin.

“It’s all good. I can afford it,” Chan smiled at a changbin, who just plopped back in his seat, stunned. When changbin said to get you a gift, he meant a lovely bracelet or something, not an almost 3500-dollar bag.

Chan picks up his phone

Chan

“I can’t wait to see you.”

You begin to blush. He was so cute. You giggled at your phone your assistant smiled.

“Who has you all gitty today?” She said, continuing to work.

“Oh, no one”, you smile and look out the window.

“Mmmmhhmmm….is it a boy?” She was so interested.

“Maybe…will see…..he’s um working hard…and it’s nice for once” you continue to look out the window trying to think up a reply.

Y/N

“What else can’t you wait for?”

You decided to be a little flirty with him. You knew he would get flustered, and it would make for a great shoot.

Chan

“Are you teasing me?”

Y/N

“Is it working?”

Chan

“Do I currently have a boner?….yes….can I do anything about it….no…so yeah, it’s working”

Y/N

“Is it that easy to make you hard?…. Ha, you don’t have sex much, do you?”

Chan was smiling at your text. Indeed, he doesn’t have sex often; however, this won’t stop him from fucking your brains until you can no longer form a sentence. That’s if he even gets alone time with you today.

Chan

“Ha….wouldn’t you like to know how much sex I have”

You laughed at his reply. He’s trying to be a fuck boy.

Y/N

“Well, if you're getting so much ass, I guess you don’t need me anymore.”

Two can play that game, Mr Christopher.

Chan thought he had fucked up big time. His eyes widened.

“Changbin?” He said out of panic

“Mmmmm”, changbin replied, texting a special someone of his own.

“Help!” The word made changbins eyes shoot up to meet chans.

“Let me look,” he said, grabbing the phone. The other boys are now curious as to what’s happening.

“She’s just playing with you….don’t worry about it….ignore her”, he smiled.

“Ignore her?…..she just told me she doesn’t want me anymore”, chan was going to hyperventilate. He had just got you. Now he’s gone and fucked it up. He had to write something to get you back.

“Chris”, changbin said, chans head snapping to look at him, trying to hold back his panic.

“She’s playing a game……where has all your confidence gone, bro….just text her back, okay,” he said, grabbing the phone and typing “Okay then” into the message.

All chan had to do was press send “listen to me… she’s trying to make you sweat….hit send” the boys in the car are still so confused about who they are talking about.

Chan pressed the sent button squeezing his eyes shut as he did so.

…..

“Did he just okay then me?” you said in the car, shocking the driver jumping out of shock. You laughed because he was asking for advice from someone, and you would make him sweat. As the car pulled up, you hopped out. There was another black car behind you that you thought might be chan, so you waited.

You popped changbin first, then the rest of the stray kids finally chan. “Morning, Channie”, you smile and wave.

“Oh, uh, morning”, he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You guys must be the rest of the stray kids….changbin, Felix, Han, Minho, Hyun-jin, Seungmin and Jeongin, right?” You were hoping you got the name right.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Y/N….Channie Hyung is so excited to do this project with you” chans eyes widen as he knows he has to get these boys inside before they expose his embarrassing secrets to you.

“Alright….. inside we go Y/N has a lot to prep for”, he smiled, pushing them in a line inside, turning his head back towards you, mouthing “sorry”, before turning back and directing them all into his dressing room.

You giggled as you watched him struggle to control them. Just as you stopped, Ryujin showed up behind you.

“Y/n, omg, long time no see,” she said, hugging you.

“So good to see you, Ryujin” you smile as you hug her, you lead her into the dressing rooms, and she sits on your couch.

Thirty minutes or so went by, and you said you were about to start getting ready; there was a knock on the door.

“I think that’s my hair and makeup. Could you let them in, please, Ryujin” she gets up and gasps as she opens the door to Chan's assistant, Hana?

“Miss Y/N….she said, entering… Mr bang wanted me to give this to you,” she smiled, holding the most beautiful Prada bag

“Omg…. Is that the Prada Cleo brushed-leather shoulder bag?” You jumped up. You had wanted this bag. It just came out this week. You grab it and hug Hana, who hands you a note.

“Read it,”, Ryujin said, grabbing you to look at the bag.

“Happy last day of filming…thank you so much for EVERYTHING” you can’t help but blush. As you look inside the bag, your eyes widen. You quickly close the bag holding it to your chest. “Ryujin?…..could you do me a favour?” You smile, knowing she will do it because it includes changbin.

“Sure, anything?” She smiles, still trying to get her hand on your bag.

“After the shoot today….. I’m going to take chan out for dinner as a thank you… do you think you could distract the boys for me” this was right up Ryujins alley?

“That is too easy….I am the girl for the job” you shove the bag in the corner with the rest of your stuff.

…….

“OKAY ACTION” 🎶 The moment when I close my eyes. 🎶Plays as you present to play with chans chains. 🎶All I see are red lights, red lights, and red lights. 🎶you lean into his body, your chest to his 🎶도저히 널 가만히 둘 수 없는🎶 you say as the flashing lights flicker, your hand rising to his throat as the producer screams “HOLLLLLD” you star into Chan's eyes as he flicks between your lips and eyes.

“OKAY, CUT… great chemistry today, guys,” he says, getting off his chair “let’s break and come back for the last scene.” Chan chuckles “been a while since I’ve been changed to a bed” before getting off his lap, you thank him for his gift “thank you for my bag….how will I ever repay you” you flirt as the stagehands untie his wrists. He leans up to kiss you; however, you quickly remember where you are and pull away. You hop off and walk back to your dressing room, looking around. You Can’t seem to see Ryujin anywhere.

“Has anyone seen Ryujin?” One of the boys pointed to her flirting her heart out with changbin, leaning against the wall, just listening to her babble while she twisted her hair.

“Never mind, I found her”, you laugh, walking back into your dressing room.

…..

You hear your name get called over the loudspeaker, and finally, the last scene of the music video, two whole days of typing. What a fantastic journey this has been. The people you have met, chan, which is just wild humans.

You walk out on set, and there he is, all smiles as you walk up and stand next to him “my turn to choke you”, he whispers, razing his eyebrows.

“Okay, everyone, take your provisions, please…..ACTION” the backing to the song plays, and you fall to your knees, chans hand snakes around your neck as you mouth 🎶 도저히 널 가만히 둘 수 없는🎶

“PERFECT….Love it, good job,” he said “okay, team love the first take. That should be enough” Everyone around us applauds as chan smiles, helping you off the floor.

“I’d like to take a minute to thank everyone for the last two days of work… you are all appreciated…now let's pack up and get out of here, aye,” the head of the project said, smiling. You walk into your room to get undressed when Ryujin walks in “okay, I told changbin…. We are going out to dinner”, she smiled

“So you and can better make a run for it”, she laughed; you quickly popped on your dress and walked out with her chan behind the boys, so it was easy for you to grab him and pull him away from the crowd.

“Ryujin gooooo”, you whisper, shout, shooing her to catch up with them.

“Oh, I thought we were going to dinner?” He said, pointing and looking back at the boys.

“I have other plans for you, are I, “ you said, placing a hand on his chest.

He gulped as you leaned forward onto your toes to kiss his lips. “Oh, okay….I’m pretty hungry,” he laughed. You roll your eyes and yank him out the back door.

“We are going back to my place,” you say, pulling him through the alley and into a cab.

“Can I eat first?” he said. Your lips are now shutting him up. You pull his collar in and deepen the kiss, and chans body relaxes.

“Never mind, this is good too,” the cab driver chuckles at Chan's comment. You start making out in the back of the cab; once he arrives at your dorm, chan pulls out his credit card from his pocket and, without breaking the kiss, starts tapping random parts of the card machine until he hears a beep.

You pull back, cupping his face “okay….kids, you have fun”, the cab says as you open the door. Hopping out, chan thanks him and closes the door, grabbing your waist as the taxi drives away “stop, I’m ticklish”, you squirm.

“Good,” he says, pinching your waist again. This time, you play, squealing as you run into the dorm building. Once, chan looks around to see if anyone is around before pulling you in and kissing your swollen lips “the number of times I wanted to do this to you today,” he said breathily. You push the elevator button, and it dings; you both hip in, and chan places his hand on your lower back as you swipe your level card.

You both live in the same building; however, chan lives on the upper floors with the boys as they need a bigger apartment. The door opens, and you take his hand as you walk through the halls.

You open the door to your small apartment and say. You turn around. Chan pushes you against the wall kissing you tenderly. “Hope you don’t already have the bag”, he breathes into your mouth.

“I don’t thank you…. You didn’t have to do that for me…..but I have one question?”

“Mmmmm,” he says, pecking his lips.

“The lingerie inside…..” chan pulls back, all confused.

“Sorry, the what?” You realised that maybe Hana had made a mistake.

“The lingerie…the set you gave me is so tiny…I’ll never fit, sorry” chan pushes your shoulders back so they’re flat against the wall.

“Show me?” He was so confused. He never asked Hana to get anything like that for you, and when he looked inside the bag before it went, it was empty.

You pulled out this tiny laced underwater bra. “No….that was not me…..fucking CHANGBIN”, chan growled. You couldn’t help but laugh at Chan's anger.

“What a wanker”, he said, looking down.

“I suppose that he sent the….okay then text to this morning”, chans head shot up.

“How did you know?” His eyes are looking at you with awe.

“Because I know you would never be okay than me,” you say, walking him back into your bedroom.

“You’re so right…I wouldn’t,” he agreed as the back of his legs hit the bed, making him fall backwards onto a peaceful sleep.

Placing his hand on the back of your thighs, He pulls you in to straddle him. “I forgive you, though”, you smile while running your fingers through his hair.

“Did you want to eat first?” You mumble between kisses.

“No…..I’ll be okay,” he says, pulling you closer to his body.

“Chan….you sure?” You didn’t want him to starve himself in case he was afraid you’d lose interest.

“Positive…..I want you first” he flips you over on your back, so he is between your legs. You giggle as he removes his hand from behind your back.

“Me over food….Channie, you must be whipped,” you laughed. Chan leaned in and softly kissed you to quiet you for a moment.

“Oh, I am 100% smitten by you” he brushes the hair out of your face, his eyes roaming, taking in the beautiful sight he has beneath him.

You start to kiss his neck. “Be careful…I still have promotions tomorrow” you wanted nothing more than to mark his neck, but you didn’t.

His clothes member grinding on yours as he kissed down the side of your face “but I don’t,” Your breath chan got the hint a. He lightly dug his teeth into your neck, nibbling and sucking in the right spot.

“Mmmm”, you moan.

“You are all mine….you understand….any other guy you have….get rid of him” this possessive side of chan was supper sexy. You pressed his head further into your neck, moaning in his ear.

“Show me why I should give them up” you didn’t have anyone else, but he didn’t need to know that.

Chan grunts as he pulls back, unbuckling his belt from his pants. Once his belt hit the floor, he pulled his jeans off. You could see if rigid member bouncing in his boxers; you like your lips as you sit up, placing your lips on his line.

“Shit”, he moans.

He pushes your body back down on the bed “ah ah ah…..your turn, baby girl” chan had this other side to him when he got hungry he was so sexy he tended his arms as they pulled you to the edge of the bed.

“Spread,” he says, widening your legs. Squeezing your tights and licking his lips, he pulled your underwear down your legs, flicking them to the side. Chan pushes you to dress up, trying to clear as much away from your body as he can.

“You’re so wet for me”, he said before spreading your wet fold with his tongue.

Your body indirectly flinches, dude, to pleasure. “Hmmm, you like that, don’t you?” He said before wrapping his lips around your clit, sucking and flicking his tongue.

“Love it”, you moaned; no one had ever eaten your pussy like this before; he didn’t need any prompting. He just knew exactly what you wanted.

He poked his tongue inside your core, flicking up at your G spot. “Plss Channie….keep going” chan wasn’t playing on stopping anytime soon. You pull his hair, and he grunts while eating your pussy harder.

“You taste so good”, he hummus into your centre, sending shivers down your spine.

“You eat pussy so well”, you moan. You can see chan flicking his boxes off.

“Channie, plss, I need you inside me”, you moan, the sudden realisation that he had again forgotten the condoms.

“Baby….I don’t think I can. I have no condoms,” he grunts.

“Channie….. I’m on the pill,” you moan.

Chan stops and stands up in between your legs. He inserts the tip into your centre; you arch your back at his touch.

“You are so tight….this feels fucking amazing”, he says as he enters you, your dress and shirt still on. You are both so hungry for each other that you forget to strip.

He's pumping in and out of your centre; you continue to moan his name, “Channie….keep going”, you lament as his thumb is now situating your clit. Just a couple of seconds later, you are screaming.

“Channie, I’m coming” you can feel his white liquid enter your core. It feels warm as you feel your stomach turn and a flash of pleasure shoot up your body.

Chan pulls out and lays beside you “fuck me….you are fantastic”, he pants.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” you say, rolling over to kiss him.

“Can I ask you a question?” He said, still breathless.

“Sure”, you smile.

“Can I be your boyfriend?”

Thank you so much if you have read this far I appreciate all your likes, comments, and reblogs

Tags: @9900z @bellamuerte1987 @shellyyy177 @nightrayseishina @daceydeath

397 notes · View notes

emilyssky · 1 year

Text

Chapter 1: 3:45am

PAIRING: Lee Know! x Fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au,smut,angst

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"

"What?"

[the GIF is not mine]

1 year ago.

Tonight the night breeze feels more gentle than ever, even though it's freezing outside. Maybe it was too hot inside the frat house or maybe I'm still numb from everything that happened to feel the cold. My hands are still shaking from anger, my eyeliner is probably messed up and the world is still spinning. Tonight wasn't the night to drink so much but it was the only thing that numbed the pain, even for a few moments. The realization hasn't quite hit me yet. The tears have dried, but my heart still hurts. 1 year. 1 whole year of my life I dedicated to him. I cried over him, we fought, we laughed, we talked, and we made love. I opened up to him more than anyone. I trusted him and I fell for him. I thought Jackson would never hurt me. Everyone was warning me, telling me to stay away, reminding me of his 'fuckboy' reputation but I didn't listen. I was stupid enough to believe that with me he would be different like I'm some main character in a fucking movie. He was, in a way but he was also going through a lot but regardless I was there every single time. He had so many issues, so many demons, and such pain from his past that he hadn't and couldn't deal with, and I stayed despite everything. Despite the fighting and the yelling. Despite his cruel words and despite his inability to control his anger. I stayed even after the nights I forced myself to bury deep in my memories where his anger would take over completely. I understood him in a way and I loved him despite everything. But it was all a lie and finding out I was a joke to him made my world crash. That I was just some chick he wanted to fuck and make fun of with his friends. He tried to explain by saying that at some point he started to feel more and couldn't stop thinking about me. Bullshit. I slapped him for the first time that day, the day I went by his apartment, unexpected, and found all of his friends there that had no clue I was even his girlfriend. For a week straight he wouldn't leave me alone, He was calling me none stop, banging at my door, and showing up to my classes. I was thankful to Hyunjin and Felix for never leaving me alone when he was around. I hadn't left my bedroom for a week and Emma was begging me to come with her to this Frat party tonight. I showered for the first time in days, put on make-up, and got dressed up. The alcohol made me forget for a while. I was dancing and drinking and I was having fun. Accidentally opening a bedroom door instead of the bathroom door and seeing Jackson half-naked on top of some blonde girl was when everything came back, crashing down. I left, I left and I've been walking in the cold for the past half an hour. My thigh-high boots and the leather jacket I stole from Chan are doing a decent job at protecting my legs from the cold but I still wrap my arms around my body tighter as I go up the familiar flight of stairs. When I reach the top, I notice that the door that leads to the rooftop is slightly open. I walk outside and when the air hits me, I feel like I can breathe again. I closed my eyes and take a deep breath. I take a few steps, aimlessly toward the center of the roof until a male figure comes into view. All I can is his back, that's rising and falling, almost as if he's trying to breathe. His head is down and he's only a few feet from the railing.

"Excuse- " I try to say in a quiet voice.

"Shit!" His body jerks backward, his hand searching behind him for the wall beside the door. "You scared the shit out of me" His eyes snap to mine when he reaches it.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"Fuckin hell" He curses under his breath and turns back around, this time with his head up, facing the sky. I found out about the secret door that leads to the rooftop of the dance building only a few months after I first started college and I've been coming here ever since whenever I needed to clear my head. It's the clear view of the whole campus, along with the height, the complete silence, and the occasional, calming breeze that makes me feel at peace and makes all of my problems disappear, even for a few moments. Tonight's the first time I see someone else here. I was kinda hoping that I was the only one that had figured out how to get up here, making it my special place but I guess I was wrong.

"Are you okay?" I dare to ask after a few seconds of silence.

"I came here for some peace and quiet, can you leave? I wanna be alone" He harshly says without even looking my way.

I'm a bit taken back by his response but I choose to ignore it, he seems like he's had a rough night. I bet I look the same.

"Yeah, same." I cross my hands. I can only see his side profile from where I'm standing. His hair is dark and slightly falling into his eyes, his lips big and full and his nose almost perfect. "Do you own this roof?"

He rolls his eyes, not amused by my attempt to joke. "I came here first"

"That's a really mature answer" I laugh and move forward to sit on the small bench that's in the middle of the roof. We're now on the same level but he continues to look straight ahead. His jaw suddenly tightens, and the hand that isn't touching the wall turns into a fist. He looks genually upset and my drunken mind is suddenly curious about the reason.

"If something's on your mind, just spit it out. There's nothing better than talking to a complete tranger about your problems. The fact that we probably won't ever see each other again makes it a lot easier." I say, trying to make him feel a bit more comfortable.

"Is your life going that great that you don't have any problems of your own or is just boring?" He starts pacing back and forth.

Excuse me, what?

"Just because I asked you a simple, human question when I saw that you're obviously upset about something, you think that I don't have my own problems?" I snap at him, getting annoyed. "Not all people are fucking rude out of nowhere."

He brings his hands behind his head, then back down to rub his face. "I'm not rude out of nowhere, I came here to be alone. I'm sorry if I don't wanna deal with some chick that probably wants to avoid her own issues and thinks that solving a stranger's will make her feel somewhat special" His voice rises with each word and his hands are everywhere, from his face to his hair the back to his side, clenching, unclenching. I'm trying really hard to control my temper. Oh, how I despise rude people. I rise to my feet, taking a step toward him.

"You're obviously going through something right now and you want to be alone but you don't have to be a dick about it . I was just trying to be polite." I spit through my clenched teeth.

" I don't want your kindness." He finally stops pacing and turns to face me. His hair is a bit wild from running his hands through it so many times, and his jaw is still tensed but what I notice more is his eyes. They're slightly red. Calm and wary as they stare at me. I study his face for a second. I definetly would remember him if I had seen him around here before, he's gorgeous.

"Have people not been kind to you?" I decide to ask. "Is that it? You're not used to it?"

His eyes shift and a small smile of satisfaction makes it's way to my lips, knowing I hit a nerve. "The world is cruel and people are crueler. There are no 'kind people' , only people that play nice because they want something for you or just wanna use you to feel better about themselves." His face is expressionless.

I narrow my eyes at him, wondering what could have possibly happened in this man's life to make him believe something like that. I smile at him, shaking my head.

"What's so funny?" He raises a brow at me.

"You have such a wrong idea about the world. Yes, people can be cruel, and use you at times but not everyone is like that. Everyone has problems, some bigger than others but at the end of the day, we're all struggling. Being kind to someone costs nothing to you but it may mean the world to someone. You don't know what someone is going through, they might be fighting to stay alive. You don't know what I'm going through, but you were so quick to judge me."

He blinks. His eyes seem just slightly softer than before. He parts his lips as if he's about to speak and then closes them again, almost as if I caught him off guard. He takes a deep breath and rests his back on the wall.

"Why are you so mad at the world?" I break the silence once again. At that, he smiles. His face completely transforms. He's even prettier when he smiles, I think to myself. I walk towards him but stumble on my feet, almost losing my balance. The world is still spinning and I mentally curse myself for drinking so much.

My actions draw his attention "Are you drunk?" He asks slightly amused.

"Well, I wouldn't say it like that" I walk back towards the railing "but I've had a couple of drinks"

He straightens his back and his face hardens in a second. "Hey stop." I stop walking. "You're drunk, don't move to close to the railing."

"I'm not drunk" I roll my eyes. "And stop changing the subject"

"Why do you care?" He groans.

"It's like 3 am, we're 2 strangers on a college rooftop, I'm tipsy and you're for some reason mad. Why not ask questions?" I shrug. "Come on, entertain me and maybe I'll entertain you with my problems." I offer with a smile.

He takes a deep breath and looks at the night sky. I spot the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips. "Why wouldn't I be mad at the world?" He says mostly to himself. "The world's unfair. A cruel place where none gets what they deserve. Life hasn't been kind to me, and people have definitely not been kind to me, why would I be kind to them?" He laughs. It's not a happy laugh.

"People always get what they deserve," My eyes focus on the sky, as I speak, mostly to myself as well. "it's not your fault that you've had shitty people in your life but being like them doesn't make you any better."

"Please spear me the 'treat people with kindness' talk". He slides down to the floor.

"You listen to harry styles?" I say surprised.

He freezes only for a split second. "That's beside the point-"

"What's the point?" I giggle. "Huh? Mysterious stranger, who hates everything?" I question, throwing my hands in the air "No actually let me tell you," I speak again before he has any chance to say anything." The point is that; there's no point" I smile. "The world is coming to an end, and we're all going to die eventually," I walk back and forth, my hands all over the place, my mind still a fuzzy mess. "So just live your life. Stop hating everything and stop giving a shit about other people. Life is unfair, deal with it." I'm now standing in front of him, looking at him like I've just figured out the most amazing theory. His eyes are fixed on me, searching, analyzing. His lips frown, hands resting on his knees. His mouth opens and then closes again. His eyes move to his hands and then back to my face.

His lips fall to small smile. "You're drunk. And annoying, and-"

"Right?" I tilt my head to the left, A laugh escapes him, and he shakes his head. After a few seconds, his face falls a bit, eyes focused back on the night sky.

"I don't really see the point"

"Then change it". I fall to the ground beside him.

He looks at me confused. "Change what?"

"Your life. If you don't like it, change it"

He bursts into a laugh. His whole face changes. His eyes are almost closed, little wrinkles appearing on each side from laughing. His lips tug to create a smile, that takes almost half of his face. I stare at him in awe.

"What?" I ask with a smile on my lips as well.

"You make life sound so easy. You present everything about life so simple as if you actually have a saying in everything." He turns his head to me. "News flash kid, there are a lot of things that have happened or will happen in your life that are beyond your control."

"Maybe" I shrug "You're probably right, but giving up on trying to be the happiest you can be is definitely not the answer to your problems."

"And what is?" He half smiles, challenging me.

"Don't you have any dreams? Things you want to do? Places you wanna go?"

He takes a few moments to think before answering. "I used to, yeah. I wanted a lot of things but every time I wanted something, it was taken away from me. So I stopped wanting things. If you don't want anything, you can't be disappointed for getting nothing."

"Yeah, I get it . That's hard but," I pause, and he looks at me from the side of his eyes. "You have to appreciate the little things in life and be grateful for everything." I finally say, repeating the words my mother used to say to me whenever I would think that everything was going to shit.

"You don't know shit about my life" He sifts his body to face mine. His eyes are somewhat harder than before, cold almost. "Stop talking like you do"

I wanna laugh at how defensive he's getting but I don't wanna appear heartless just because I'm drunk and everything seems a little funnier than usual. So instead I sigh, choosing a different approach. "Look, I'm not some optimistic chick who always smiles and only sees the best in every situation."

"You sure act like it" He glares at me.

I wish. I wish I was all the things I present myself to be. I wish I could take my own advice.

"Everyone is fucked up in a way. I just don't need anyone to know how fucked up I actually am. I'm more than all of my problems and mistakes. I'm also my dreams and everything that I've gone through and accomplished. All of us as are." I rest my head on my knees. My words draw his attention. He chooses to mirror my position, resting his own head on his knees. I smile, finding it cute. "Everyone has their own story, and maybe yours is sadder than others's but it's your own story and you're the writer. Scratch people out. Feel free to fuck everything up with a plot twist." I giggle. "Write something better."

His eyes haven't left my face, they bore into mine and for a moment I swear they sparkled. "What are your problems? It's you turn to entertain me."

"There are plenty." I nod my head,smiling.

"Tell me the biggest on right now."

I feel the words in my throat, the words that never actually left my mouth. The words that I've never said out loud let along to another person. I look into the stragner's eyes. "I've been in an abusive relationship for almost a year and I finally found the courage to leave him. " The weight begins to lift of my shoulders. "I've kept that part of my relationship hidden for all of my friends, among other things cause I'm too ashamed to admit that I was so stupid and weak for so long." I break into a laugh but tears begin to fill my eyes, as the realization of the whole situation now that I'm saying it out loud feel more real than ever. It makes me feel kinda free to finally share this with someone nevertheless.

For the first time tonight his face visibly holds emotion. He takes his bottom lip between his teeth and then he takes a breath, getting ready to speak.

My phone starts ringing. interrupting whatever he was going to say. Chan's name flashes across the screen.

"Hi-"

"Where the fuck are you?" Chan's angry voice comes louder than I was expecting, making me pull my phone away from my ear.

"I'm walking back home" I lie.

"Why would you leave without telling us? And why are walking back home alone at 3 am? Are you stupid or are you stupid?" He sounds a bit out of breath. "Send me your location, we're leaving now. I'll come and get you" He says sternly.

"Okay" I choose not to anger him further and hang up.

I look back at the guy. His eyes are not on me, instead, they're glued to the sky, almost as if he's searching for something.

"I have to go," I quietly say. He doesn't say anything instead he closes his eyes and rests his head against the wall once again. "Next time you'll meet a stranger on a rooftop, don't be an ass." I joke as I lift myself off the ground.

He stays quiet.

"You know a few years back, I saw a quote somewhere, I don't remember where exactly." I giggle as I stumble towards the door. "But it was something like; Always leave people a little better than you found them." I turn to him.

He opens his eyes, keeping his face stays unreadable. I simply stare at him, and he stares back. His eyes sparkle under the dim light of the moon for the second time tonight, gazing towards me In the saddest way I've ever seen, and my heart tightens. Something in his eyes pulls me to him, forces my legs to move forward, and before my mind can catch up, I'm standing right in front of him. He's up to his feet by the time I reach him, lifting his hand to tug a stray piece of hair behind me ear. His touch is so light, that I don't even feel it when his thumb brushes my cheek before lowering his head back down. He exhales a short breath and I'm so close that I inhale it right back. I silently ask for his permission and instead of answering, he wets his lips and tilts his head downwards. A tiny smile makes its way to my lips as I reach forwards and wrap my arms around his neck. He smells like vanilla and cigarettes and I bring my face closer to the curve of his neck. I feel him freeze, probably not expecting me to hug him instead but I stay still, tightening my grip around him. I slowly feel his hands leaving his sides and a few seconds later they wrap around my waist pulling me closer to his chest. He releases a breath I didn't know he was holding and my smile grows. We stay like this for almost a minute, silently holding each other. Just two strangers comforting one another without knowing anything about each other's pain or problems. Moments like these are golden for a person like me.

I pull away, unwrapping my arms from his body and taking a step back.

" I hope you feel a little better. See you around, stranger" This Is the last thing I say to him before walking out the door.

#starykids #straykidsfanfic #leeknowfanfic #bangchan #kpop #kpopfanfic #kpop smut #leefelix #hwang hyunjin #stray kids x reader #skz smut #lee know #lee know x reader #skz fanfic #skz imagines

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jyunshiim · 3 years

Text

Daisies & Clementine’s *✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷Han X Reader

Genre → fluff | friends to lovers | childhood friends to lovers |

Contains → fluff

Listen to → playlist I was inspired by

Word count → 7K (7749)

TW → none

Summary: You and Jisung have been childhood companions for many years. Growing up was a breeze for you both, sharing a lot and being there for each other when each other were in need. Jisung asked you one day if you were allowed to spend a month holiday on Jeju Island with him and his family. A simple holiday, yet held great value.

The saying goes, that there is one person in the world that is meant for you: a soulmate. Although some soulmates aren’t so easy to find, hidden in the depths of the shadows of your life almost hidden until the last moments of your life. Unfortunately, it does happen but what is more common are soulmates that don’t even know it yet. Only until you feel like you’ve lost them or that they might not return what you have for them until something ever so specific happens.

***

The stars were glittering in the ebony abyss above you and your best friend Jisung. Jisung had always been your friend ever since that one time in school where you were mocked for not understanding a mathematics question and he helped you and became your tutor ever since. You weren’t the best with number and often struggled with understanding mathematical concepts but Jisung was there for you and took his precious time to study with you, day in day out. Without fail, his warm grin always consoled you as if he was indirectly telling you “it’s okay, I’m here for you”. You knew he’d be your home and your comfort even if you both went your separate ways and found love one day. You were both 16 at the time when he used to tutor you and by the time you both turned 18 and were making crucial life choices, you made choices you were 100% sure with. You didn’t want to leave Jisung behind and going to the same local university in your city was the only thing you could do to stay with him. Your parents didn’t like the idea of you pursuing a career in arts, particularly anything to do with literature and writing. It was deemed ‘useless’ in their eyes, so lacklustre of you. They were certain you weren’t getting anywhere with a degree in literature, but you loved writing; it was your form of expression. Jisung supported it all the way through. He chose to do music composition and production which he was outstanding at. You vividly remember during your summer break he wrote a song about the pair of you going to the convenience store and made it sound so mesmeric. Your best friend Jisung. What would you do without a friend like him?

***

The biting cold making icicles at the tip your fingertips, the tip of your nose as crimson as sweet cranberries, your knee bouncing up and down trying to warm you up. “what’s taking him so long?” you say to yourself as you stand up although during that moment, you see a chestnut brown-haired boy bolting down the streets, his fleece long jacket flailing in the polar winds, the hood of his hoodie falling off his head. Your face lights up – as always- when you saw his panicked face bolting through crowds of people who too were shopping. It was so endearing how he ran, a half jog half run. You laugh to yourself gripping the heat packs in your pocket until he arrived in front of you his hands, knuckles tinted light carmine, resting on your shoulders panting for breath.

“where were you?” your hands searching your pockets for the heat packs you had and holding it against his face, Jisung sniffling because of the cold weather. “I-I was trying…trying to buy something and the-” he struggles to speak as he holds his chest. “hey Jisung stop talking, let’s get you warm,” you hold his hand, a heat pack between your palm and his; fingers interlocking to keep it in place. It made him feel warm inside and out, a smile appearing on his face as he looked down, his brown wavy hair flopping down. The café had a homely feel, ever so reminiscent. You never knew why; possibly the rustic feel to it the lower ceilings and roof supports with warm fairy lights coiled around them. The counter was made out of a light wood, oak perhaps. You weren’t too keen on identifying trees. “You sit here okay, and I’ll be back with our drinks okay Han?” only you were allowed to call him by his surname although he claimed it as his nickname. He nodded, smiled sweetly and sat cosied up in an arm chair. “Do you want me to hold your bag for you?” he grabbed your arm before you left and you turned around. “oh yeah sure! That’d be great thank you,” you take your bag off your shoulder and he grabs the bag into hands and places it in his lap.

Jisung loved bitter coffee paired with a sweet dessert. The pure happiness he would endure simply from a strawberry cheesecake and any type of Americano coffee, hot or cold. It was different to you; you loved sweet drinks and savory-ish snacks (although a cheesecake was always so delightful when you were with Jisung). Jisung’s eye would sparkle, like he was holding the entire universe, whenever he saw something, he loved. Damn you for being so blind, his love for cheesecake was godly. Jisung warmed up, the condensation on the window making it fog up so he drew a smiley face. He was happy. You walk over with your tray and he immediately got up to take the tray out of your hands and place it down himself. “you never disappoint me,” he gasps at the creamy cake and the piping hot coffee. “I’m your best friend I will never forget until the day I die!” you pledge to him before sitting down giggling at his endearing reaction to such a simple food. You tear a bit of your croissant and place it in your mouth letting the subtle sweetness and savoury enthral you. The combination with your caramel macchiato, the combination of flavours combining and comforting you. Jisung introduced you to the caramel macchiato and croissant combination and ever since you got that every single time. “how are you feeling now Han?” you ask him, whilst leaning on your hand and tilting your head at him. He gazes into your eyes and smiles endearingly, “a lot better now, I was trying to get your birthday present, and I got held up! I am sorry about that,” he apologises. “what! You didn’t have to what the hell!” you lean over the table and slap his shoulder gently. “hey it is MY duty to take care of you until someone decides to sweep you off your feet,” he tuts, “they better treat your right!” he warns you for your future relationships. You nod and agree with what he says, “well my bestie Hannie will be there for me and likewise I will be there for you too!” you rub a tiny spec of cheesecake from the corner of his mouth, “a child, that’s what you are,” you joke with him.

You were disrupted by a strong gust of wind that collided with the glass where Jisung drew his smiley face and droplets of rain appears dragging down the window. The pattering of the raindrops where almost rhythmic, like the universe was performing for you. In fact, you loved the rain a lot that you wished to have your first kiss in the rain – it was cliché and cheesy – but Jisung always listened to your dreams and desires and what you wished for. The rain was comforting, like the clouds were telling you it was okay to be sad and to cry now and then. You were full of content in this given moment; a warm coffee between your palms, the icicles melting off and the colour in your frostbitten hands appearing. “do you want to try some?” Jisung scoops a spoonful of cheesecake and hovers over the table holding it in front of you. It was endearing, he always shared everything he had and of course you did the same. “of course?” you take the spoon from him and taste the cheesecake. The sweetness infiltrating your system as soon as it touched your tastebuds. “wow this place does really good cheesecakes, perhaps I’ll have to come here more often!” you smile at him. The bellicose rain thrashed against the window now, the winds were stronger, but you had to leave to get home although you needed to take a 30-minute bus journey back home and the weather was abysmal! “you are in no way going home in this weather!” Jisung tutted, “luckily, I do live literally around the corner,” he was definitely inviting you over, he was very clingy! “I can just go home; the bus comes in like-” you check your phone. 45 minutes. “never mind I will gladly take your considerate offer,” you laugh. “ah these buses aren’t the best now are they, let’s go now before there are too many people on the streets!” he stands up fixing his little jacket and handing back your bag. “unless you want me to hold it,” he offers. He was so selfless and sweet. “you’re not my boyfriend so why would you! It’s okay, I can take it back,” you play around.

***

You thank the baristas before Jisung pushes the glass door open for you and lets you go first. “I don’t have a hood!” you squeal before putting your hands above your head but Jisung was on his feet to the rescue, holding out his jacket and covering you with it. “let’s run to the convenience store alright! In 3, 2, 1-” you clutched onto his jacket covering you and bolted with his laughing at the playful noises he made before sheltering at the convenience store. You looked around the store for a few things to snack on. “I’ll pay so get whatever you like since you paid for my coffee,” he holds the basket. “shut up, you bought me a birthday present when I didn’t want you to!” you tut at him, “god what am I gonna do with you?” you scoff jokily. You see a pile of Clementine’s which you had to get because you loved them so much and it reminded you of the summers you used to drink fresh orange juice with Jisung near the river. You put them in the basket and Jisung looked confused; “oranges?” he looks at you with confusion. “I just really like oranges Jisung,” you smile. He took a mental note of that. After grabbing a few snacks, it was still raining, and he did the same thing again sheltering you with his own jacket and running to his house which was a minute or two away.

The door to his home creaked open, and the warmth hitting your face as quick as a train on tracks. The waft of freshly cooked rice drifts past your nose and it reminds you of all the times you and Jisung got stuck in the rain, just like this very occasion, and his mother made warm rice with a savoury soup. Jisung takes your jacket and takes it to his room to hang it up and comes back to the kitchen. “it’s raining bad so is it okay if-” Jisung gets cut off by his parents, “of course she can! Any time and if she needs to stay, we can accommodate her too!” His mother adored you, it was endearing. After your quick dinner with his parents, which his parents were more than happy to provide for you, you sat in Jisung’s bedroom. His room was as neat as it could be. When walking in, his bed was in the far-left corner pointing towards the large window, to the right of his room was his mic, computer and music equipment and next to that was his shelf with various different items like trophies and frames as well as the daisy chain he made for you. He also has his TV attached to the corner of his wall.

“oi why did you keep the daisy chain?” you asked him as he turned around, his hand on the remote to turn on the small TV in his room. “it’s pretty, isn’t it?” He gives a playful smile before jumping onto his bed and leaning against the headboard. “I never took you for such a sappy sentimental person,” you nudge him. “you learn something new every day,” he smiles before turning something on to keep you occupied. This was just comfort. Just you and your best friend of many years, spending quality time together. Your head lay on his dog plushie – which you gifted him so he would stop complaining he was lonely –your locks sprawling over it. Jisung glances over to you entranced by your own thoughts, a whole world inside your mind – he was intrigued as to what you were thinking. “hey, what are you thinking?” he sits up leaning down so he was in front of your face. It only came to your realisation he was laying next to you, face to face to get your attention. You sit up. “oh umm-“ you think fast, “the oranges!” you point at his desk at the clementine’s sat perfectly in the punnet it was in. You and Jisung spent an hour or so watching a show and talking about university and how you want to travel the world. He listened to you attentively to every word you said before his parents knocked and said that the rain storm had stopped and they can take you home. So shortly after, you gathered your belongings and Jisung followed you and his parents to the car. You forgot one thing, your hair tie that had a little rabbit charm on it; you had it ever since you were little and you forgot it at his house, at least it was Jisung though. Since then something changed in the air. A shift. Although only time will tell and expose what changed.

***

6:35 am your alarm blared through your bedroom, your head tucked under your grey and white sheets trying to accumulate warmth since you had to manually turn the heating on. You groaned tiresomely, your arm extending to find your phone, knocking it off the bedside table. You wanted to cuss it out because morning where NOT your forte. You sit up and grab your robe and draped it over your body and go to the bathroom to freshen up before getting ready for university. Jisung woke up at 8 because the campus was so near but you had to commute. You took your time doing your makeup and getting dressed, grabbing your bag and putting your notebook, laptop, stationary and your pouch in. You grab a jacket and your umbrella before promptly leaving at 7:57 am to catch the 8am bus to get to school. You managed to get to campus just before your lecture allowing you some time to get coffee to wake up a bit however… that plan did not seem very doable since the queue was incredibly long, so you gave up and went to the library to sit in your usual seat and wait for the lecture.

“hey!” you hear a whisper, and you ignore it thinking it was for someone else before you feel someone breathing on the back of your neck. Your instinct would be to slap the person but as you turn around with a fearful expression, you realise it’s Jisung with his starry eyes giving you that smile. “I got here early and got you your favourite,” he points at the seat you both sit at which was hidden behind a bookshelf. It was a large table where no one really sat since students preferred to work in groups. University life was different to high school. You had other friends which was nice; Sana did Biochem, so it was hard to get a hold of her, Chan was a sports and exercise student, and Seungmin studied nutrition. Jisung also had some friends from high school like Changbin who was doing the same course as you – literature- although he focused on the poetry section more, and Hyunjin who studied business and management. You did meet them often but of course you were closer to Jisung.

You saw the packaged croissant and the coffee on the table, and you thanked Jisung. He took his time to actually get you coffee before your lecture. “you have a couple minutes, at least you can drink it during the class!” he pats your shoulder. “don’t you have a lecture at 11am?” you ask him since that’s when yours finish. He nods. “I’ll be done by 2-ish? We can go and grab some lunch if you want?” he suggests. “how about we meet with Sana, Chan, Seungmin and Changbin for lunch?” you counter-suggest – if that is a word!-

“is Hyunjin busy?” Jisung asks a little confused. “Oh no he WAS the one who asked the other day and I replied to him now.” You smile so Jisung goes along with whatever you wanted to do.

You open your notebook to take some notes for your class and you see Changbin walking in and he sees you. Changbin was intimidating, at first glance, although he was sensitive and kind when you talk to him and get to know him better. “hey, I’m not late right?” he asks getting out his Ipad to take notes. You shake your head; “have you got your anthology yet?” Changbin asked you. You shake your head, you forgot about the anthology. “well that’s good because I saved you one,” he hands you the book of poetry. You were relieved, your degree relied on this book. “oh my god thank you!” You show your gratitude. “anything for a friend of Jisung’s and mine,” he smiles before turning back to face the front as the lecturer walks in and begins.

After class and meeting with your other friends for lunch, you all met at an Italian restaurant which was incredibly popular. It had been a while since you had a meal with all of them since classes took over your lives. “hey isn’t your birthday tomorrow?” Sana asks, her sweet smile brightening up the entire room. “Yeah it is wh-” but before you could say anything, she hands you a tiny pink bag. “I might have time so I got your gift today!” Sana was such an amazing friend. You thank her and open the bag and the small box inside to reveal an teddy keyring with your initials engraved on a small silver plaque looking keyring. “omg this is so cute thank you so much!”

“Now, open my one,” Jisung holds a blue bag with silver ribbon on the front. “now?” you ask him. “well yeah you opened Sana’s one?” so you opened the bag and it was in a slightly larger box; once you opened it a small gasp left your mouth and at that exact moment the food arrived. “what great timing I’m so hungry!” Changbin went in for the food and everyone else followed, conversing with each other and catching up, but you were still trying to process what he bought you. A silver necklace with a daisy charm and both of your initials on the back. “I’ll always be here for you, you know how that daisy chain is so sentimental to me, I hope this is too.” He leans in and quietly speaks. You were lost for words. You tried to splutter out a thank you, but he knew how thankful you were from your mere reaction.

The evening went as planned; you and your friends hung out after so long, work was intense but having a cheat day like this was indeed liberating. Jisung taps your shoulder gently as you wave Sana goodbye under a dimmed streetlight and the obscure night sky. It was hazy tonight; the cool fog making it hard to see anything ahead of you. Jisung stood next to you and you turned to him once Sana left. “are you thinking what I’m thinking Han?” you give a playful smile and rock back and forth on your tiptoes, “coffee and cake?” he asks as if he didn’t know that was your thing with him. “Of course!” you put your hands on his back and push him in the direction you wanted to go in; “over there!” you point. It was a night café situated along a remote street that was diverted away from main traffic. A large white sign lit up the dark street which directed you and Jisung to a well-lit night café that had a couple people inside enjoying their night with their friends or significant other. There were outdoor seats which weren’t occupied because of the drop in temperature but it would be nice to come here more often since the location was incredible. Jisung pushes the door open and lets you in first, following you and looking around for somewhere to sit. A circular table with two chairs in the farthest corner which was surrounded by bookshelves but renowned authors; Jisung chose to sit there and asked you to go and reserve that seat. “What are you doing?” your voice conveying disarray. “it’s on me tonight,” his smile appeared. That smile. Your heart did that thing again though you shook it off. It was nothing right? You sat yourself down, putting your purse on the table along with your phone; the books were intriguing you, there were many of them ranging from sonnets and poems to crime and mystery literature. You knew you weren’t much of a reader, but one did capture your attention. It was by an author called Ivan Turgenev, the book was called ‘First love and other stories’ – people writing about love was something you wish you could’ve done but you don’t know how love feels? The cover of the book was rough a cerise fabric-like texture, the title written in a gold on the spine of the book. Jisung comes over unexpectedly and leans over your shoulder eyeing at the hardback you seized. “what’s that? Love stories?” he pouts as you turn around in a panic, Jisung grabbing the book out of your hand, his fingertips grazing against your hand. If you had your Apple watch on right now, your heart rate would’ve been way too obvious. “O-Oh I was looking at the book shelf, they have so many well-known books and authors an-” your flustered ramble was interrupted by Jisung; “you want to read love stories, that’s understandable… it’s a good book I would recommend it,” he hands the book gently and points at the tray with the coffee cups filled to the top, the two cheesecake slices; one orange and the other strawberry. You gasp at the orange cheesecake – “oh my god they exist!” you sat down at the table, tucking the chair in. The aroma of the roasted coffee beans was intense although it made you feel comfort. You glance up at Jisung as he picks up the silver form and digs into the tip of the cheesecake, allowing there to be enough strawberry syrup and cheesecake. He holds it up to his mouth and notices you looking at him – with the most stupid look on your face, painted with adoration – so he held it out for you. “here, try it before I do,” his expressions were soft and gentle. “huh? Why, it’s yours?” you try to refuse. It didn’t work. “because-” he thinks for a second, “sharing is caring.” He fondly beams. You couldn’t deny it but he held the fork and you endured such sweetness swirling around, dancing on your tastebuds, the bitterness of your coffee counteracting with the dessert; it was utterly perfect. “nice?” he asks. “of course, as always!”

You didn’t realise at the time, but it was an analogy that you didn’t realise. The bitterness occurring in your life being stabilised by someone so sweet, attentive and ever so cherishing. It made sense.

You took a forkful of your orange cheesecake although it didn’t cater to your taste. “are you alright, do you not like it?” Jisung asks you. You shake your head, “ it tastes too artificial..” you hold the remaining cake on your fork and place it on the plate. It was disappointing, yes but Jisung swapped the ceramic plates with his. “here have mine, I’ll have this!” he takes whatever remained on the fork and takes a bigger chunk. You know what they say about sharing drinks, does it apply to forks? “O-oh thank you Han,” you smile softly, you couldn’t help but feel so warm inside. After spending some time at the café it was time to go home although Jisung insisted he would take you home safely first before he goes home. “no no, I can go myself,” you asserted. Jisung tutted and rolled his eyes playfully as he always does. “Why?” you ask waiting for a valid response. “Because it’ll take you even longer to get home!” you raise your voice a little louder but not too loud to bring attention. “well.. I’ve stayed over before..” he reminded you. Ah yes.. he did didn’t he. Your parents were okay with Jisung and already mentioned that if you dated him, it’d be best. God why did they think like that? “I’m joking, I’ll get a taxi and we can go together,” he thought. You nod agreeing with him.

A couple weeks pass and you were on call to Jisung whilst studying. It was really late, around 2am but your Film project wasn’t going to do itself. He kept company since he just never slept. “want me to come over to study with you?” he asks. You were shocked at the offer. “at 2am? Are you crazy!” your voice becomes a little harsh as you tried to stay quiet. “maybe we should look for campus accommodation or an apartment we can split the rent for!” he suggests. It wasn’t a horrible idea, there would be some leeway for you to do whatever you like. “I’ll see for next semester; we can get looking though!” although you didn’t realise, he meant move in together. You and Jisung met up later that day at the university library, your laptop with all your editing software open, editing your short film that you filmed of him. It was about how you romanticised life and how everything was symbolic for something; Jisung pointed at himself. “what do I symbolise,” he asks tilting his head taking in the moving image. You pause, what if your feelings have changed? You lied. “you’re my best friend of course,” you smile through the pain knowing he will never feel the same. His cheeks flare a rosy hue. Even such words made him happy. “hey,” he enquires, “are you free August 1st?” you think for a moment. “That’s a couple months away but I should be, I can make sure nothing happens that day, why?” You seemed so confused. “My family and I are going to Jeju for a visit and I was wondering if you wanted to come as well?”

Oh.

“That would be nice, I haven’t been there yet either,” you let out a quiet laughter. “please, it would be so nice to have you there too!” he leans into you a little and laying his head on the table and smiling. Stop smiling like that – you think. “maybe I’ll consider it if you weren’t acting like a child,” your nervousness was seeping through. “a child? Isn’t that just my ecstatic personality hm?”

You scoff and continue focusing on your editing, a deep feeling of resent brewing within – why did you film Jisung AND fall for him? Wasn’t falling in love with your best friend a crime in any friendship? You took a deep breath; if you ignore it, it will be fine.

You stare at your oyster-white ceiling, covered in plastic leaf vines along the ends of your room the window open ajar enough to let in the gelid night breeze in, gliding onto your begs making you quiver. You didn’t want to shut it, you were too consumed by sundry thoughts about him; the way your heart thumped out of your chest, it paining you to see his boxy smile or when he would run up to you and embraced his arms around you tenderly full of compassion. He cared so much for you but you felt like you were too late to return any of it. Feelings are the way they are; ruthless in nature, eradicating almost every bit of rational though you possessed. You groaned feeling ever so dishevelled. You hand on your chest and a stone in your throat; you found it hard to accept you liked him – a lot more than just ‘like’, that word was too ineffective. Jisung’s pure demeanour flashes in and out of your head; when his hand touched yours when you held that one book at the night café, the way he let you have his jacket as a shelter, the way he kept the shrivelled-up daisy chain on his shelf; it was the way he did everything for you. Jisung played the guitar for you nearly every time you asked and sung for you even though he wasn’t confident in his vocals. But you didn’t want to bring your hopes up and embarrass yourself. That’s when it happened – the butterflies intruded and that’s when you knew your monotonous routine of life was demolished. With that being said, your eyes began to heavy, shutting slightly before your eyes fully closed. Dreamland is where you were transported to you…

Your trip to Dreamland gave you all the answers you needed.

It was a Saturday and you waited outside of a café waiting for Jisung. It was warmer, much warmer. You remembered that one winter’s evening when you and Jisung were caught in a storm in the exact place. You switch your phone on to see the time, the photo of you and Jisung gleaming back at you. It was a cute photo; Jisung slyly ate some of your ice cream getting a little bit on the tip of his nose and you laughing at him and wiping it off with your thumb. Your other friends really liked capturing you two, they said you were soulmates which you ignored because you didn’t believe in soulmates. Emphasis on didn’t – times change and so do people.

“Hey!” Jisung startled you, nearly dropping your phone. “you alright there,” he chuckled at you. “Not funny!” you couldn’t help but smile. “you seem to be in a good mood!” he smiles with his teeth, draping his arm around you, clutching his fist to respect you. “so what do you want to do today?” he asks you.

“why do you keep asking me?” you pout slightly. “why not?” Jisung pushes his hair back, his chestnut locks resting back into its natural position.

“We should go to a café then get matching bracelets because YOU promised we’d get matching ones and then maybe at sun set, go to Namsan Tower?” you suggest. “Did you plan this last night when I told you to go to sleep?”

You didn’t, you saw it in your dream.

“l-lets just go!” you grab his arm and take him inside the café to get a cool drink to quench your thirst.

His eyes attentively scanned the menu, looking at all the cold drinks he could get. “what are you getting,” he asked. “hmm I really feel like having the grapefruit one!” you point at the menu, “what are you getting?” you ask Jisung, “which one sounds nice?” he asks again.

You can the menu again; “blueberry tea sounds really tasty!” you say. He nods that same look of compassion; he was enthralled by you yet you didn’t even know.

***

She was beautiful. The way she looked up at me and smiled; her fierce attitude to everything made me want to scream, toss and turn in my bed; she made the butterflies in my stomach go wild. I was foolish for falling for her – my best friend – but what can I do if whenever I see her, the tempestuous storm within me is appeased at her presence. She makes me feel at home. Her amicable nature, so captivating. The face she made when she was displeased was endearing even if she thought it was hideous, to me she was like a gem that was waiting to be found and I’m glad to have found her first. I was devoted to her; there won’t be another who makes me feel the way she does. She’s my first love. And I am willing for her to be my last if nothing is returned. Her happiness is all that matters to me…

***

Sipping your drinks in the sunlight was refreshing. You both got your bracelets to match; inexpensive yet it meant the whole world to you – and him. “there are some benches over there!” you point, grabbing his spare hand without a second though and running towards it. The sun began to wane and the stars began to emerge; simultaneously, the sky bled into an inky black allowing the stars to glow and gleam brightly. It was like how Jisung endured everything for you to let you shine. Like in school, how he would quite literally get hurt to keep you safe. You owed him a lot. “isn’t the moon really pretty tonight?” you point at the lustrous pearly orb that reigned the void sheathing the earth. “yeah, she’s really pretty tonight,” Jisung speaks softly. You didn’t realise how Jisung said ‘she’; he gazed at you, infatuated by none other than you. His fingers twitched to intertwine between your fingers, to lay a gentle kiss on your cheek. He waited for the right time.

A few months went by until it was the day of the trip Jisung planned to go on with his family. You stand in the centre of your bedroom with a small suitcase since it was for two weeks; you packed your necessities and your chargers, some hair ties and your book. You zipped up your suitcase and grabbed your other bag to throw in your pouch, phone, airpods and whatever else you needed easy access to. Jisung walks into your room with a knock; “hey your mum let me in, ready for me to take your stuff?”

And from there, everything began to unfold.

The journey there was peaceful considering the fact you always fell asleep at least 15 minutes into any car journey. Your head resting against the car window, although Jisung noticed that it wasn’t very relaxing when your head kept bumping against the car; he moved to the middle and gently moved your head to rest onto his shoulder his arm around you, so you were comfortable. He could feel his heart explode 50 fireworks every time he looked at you. He was spellbound by you.

***

Your Island holiday started off with a tour of Jisung’s holiday home; a pretty looking home with sliding doors and traditional architecture. “This is my room, and I think my parents are allowing you your own room which is the guest room,” he opened the door to the guest room and you were rapt but the view it had of the ocean. You dropped your bags and ran to the large windows and swung then open; the sound of the birds and the swashing of the sea infused your system. It felt refreshing. “It’s really pretty isn’t it, I love coming here,” he leaned against the window sill. Especially with you. He thought. “well, I’ll let you get comfortable and perhaps we can go exploring a little bit or we might have something to eat.. I don’t know but get comfy!” he says before shutting the door and leaving you alone with the ocean and your busy mind to unwind.

The saxe blue ocean pushed up against the bisque grains of sand, pulling back and leaving behind a platinum foamy residue. You thought of you and Jisung holding hands and walking down the beach at sunset like every couple does. The air felt lighter so you inhaled deeply and tried to let go of everything you had on your mind. You heard a knock at the door; it was Jisung’s mother. “are you hungry?” she smiled with immense amount of love and gentleness in her eyes. “of course! I’ll come now!” you close the windows and grab your phone as his mother smiled at you. Family meals with his family felt so natural although today Jisung was a lot more reserved as usual. Usually he would say something stupid or be extroverted. “You okay?” you whisper across the table. “h-huh, OH yeah I am, I’m tired that’s all.”

It wasn’t like him but you knew it wasn’t you that was the reason.

After dinner, you followed him back to the bedrooms; “Jisung,” you utter “Hm?” he turns around, the pair of you face to face now. “Do you want to watch the stars with me?” you ask nervously but you saw the way his brows raise from a furrow and the corner of his lips raise. “Of course I would, I’ll go change and come to you alright?” you nod your head and do the same thing. As you close the door you exhale. You don’t know why you were so nervous. But soon enough, he knocked and asked permission to come in. You both sat on the bed and gazed at the twinkling stars outside; “sometimes I wish I could be a star,” you begin. “Why is that?” Jisung asks looking down at you laying your head near thigh; “they’re so carefree and pretty and I-”

“but so are you?” he defends. “what?” you get up and look at him, your hair covering the sides of your face. He tucks your hair behind your ear; “you mean more than you think, to someone out there you just don’t know yet.. The way we’re looking at stars right now someone must’ve saw you the same way and wished they saw you again.. because it’s hard to find ONE special star amongst many,” Jisung was extremely poetic today.

“Han-” you were interrupted again. “the moon is out again, look!” he points as you lay back down this time on his thigh as he shifted it closer to where you were laying. It felt natural. His hand hesitated to touch your hair, to play with your locks but he found the courage to. You felt your soul levitate but luckily he couldn’t see your face.

***

The sun beamed into your room, the light material curtains flailing in the ocean breeze; Jisung wasn’t in the room. You were resting on a pillow with a blanket over you, it seems like he left later when you fell asleep again. The aroma of breakfast began to waft through the gap of the door to which you thought it would be a good idea to get up and get ready. You opened the door and yelped as you saw Jisung smiling ear to ear at your door. “Good morning sleepy head-” as he grabbed your hand. “w-wow where are we going!” you yelped. “breakfast but at a special place!” he says. “bye we’ll be back!” Jisung waves to his parents. You make your way down paths until you reached a little shop – a coffee shop. “I loved this place and I always wanted to bring you here!” he opens the door and the strong scent of bread and other patisserie struck you. “this is where my love for cheesecake came from!” he smiles. He seemed very happy.

You panicked internally. Did..you kiss! That thought didn’t feel right !!

***

Jisung toured you around. He showed you places he used to love as a child and things that made him happy – even happier that he could share it with you – from the rocks near the sea, to the bakery. He showed you where he carved his name on a tree on the way back to the family home. “maybe I should carve yours too!” he looks for a sharp stone and gets right to it. You watch him be so happy and acted out to yourself how you would confess to him. maybe you shouldn’t right? Soon after, you both slowly walked home but Jisung stopped again. “hey look!” he points at this tree. “what about it?” you ask until you looked up to see bright orange oranges hanging from verdant leaves. “oh my! I want one!” you say trying to grab out until Jisung stands extremely close behind you leaning over to twist one off. “Thanks-” you say although he begins peeling the skin off himself with a smile of endearment painted across his face. “I can do it myself!” you try to grab it off him. “aaaa-” he says holding a piece to your mouth with your accept, his thumb grazing against your bottom lip. “oh it’s really tasty!” you say. “open wide,” he jokes as he holds another one. “I’m not a baby!” you whine. “yeah you are,” he laughs running forward. “come and get me!”

This was the Jisung you knew and loved.

He grabbed your hand once you caught up to him, his fingers intentionally interlocking fingers and smirking at you playfully before running back to the house. You had so much fun. More than you usually do and you felt closer to Jisung. The exchanging of looks and playfully flirty remarks is all that you would remember from today. Especially, his thumb grazing your bottom lip; his soft gaze was still intense; it still made you feel nervous.

Being with Jisung was homely. His genial personality making you fall for him further. That night, you sat in the bed of the guest room, the owls hooting outside and trees rustling as the oceans began to sound turbulent. You were a little frightened and you debated going to Jisung. “screw it!” you thought. You knock at his door and hope he isn’t asleep. There wasn’t an answer so you turned around to go back into your room until your hear the handle lower and open. “you okay?” he asked, looking genuinely concerned. You gulped at the way he presented himself, his hair messy and eyes weary. “I didn’t mean to disturb you I-I’m just a bit scared…” you mumbled. “scared?” he repeated. “yeah! Don’t repeat it I feel STUPID!”

He lets out a soft chuckle and holds out his hand; “I’m watching a show right now if you want to join me?” he offers. You take his hand and he closes the door behind him. He climbs into bed and leans against his headboard. “your space awaits,” he says in a deep voice mocking the character in the show making you smile. You slide under his sheets and against the headboard too although it felt abnormal. “you can lean on me if you want to, I don’t mind..” he says. “are you sure?” you ask gulping. He nods with great certainty. So you did what he said. You lowered yourself so your head was at his chest, leaning into him and unexpectedly he pulled you in closer.

The moment became incredibly intimate. His heart was beating fast, you could hear it thump out of his chest. You felt your pulse quicken too. This wasn’t normal at all. You were okay with intimacy but this moment felt … different.

“are you okay?” he asks, his voice slightly husky, his fingers gently skimming the side of your arm. You stay still, debating to confess or to just lean in and get it done and over with. No. He wouldn’t do that. You sit up, his arm moving away from you; you face him and take a deep breath. “what’s wro-” he gets cut off by your confession.

“ I love you Jisung..” you blurt out closing your eyes hoping he’d say something – even if it was the opposite of what you were expecting. Although whilst your eyes were closed there was silence which was shattered by Jisung’s laugh. He lay his hand on yours, his other hand just below your jaw: “open your eyes for me,” he begins, your eyes slowly peering at him. It was like someone burst a colour bomb in the room; he was radiating indigo, pink and orange – he was happy. Although words were not exchanged, actions were.

Actions speak louder than words

His arm placed itself around your waist pulling you in closer to him as you kneeled on his bed. He closed his eyes and leaned closer to your lips, a paroxysm of emotions and feelings being exchanged between two lovers. The pure infatuation between you and him felt like true love, everything felt like two puzzle pieces attaching to create a piece of art that longed to be complete. The large boulder that sat on your chest had gone, you felt like a feather floating through the gates of heaven. The sweet exchange between you and Jisung, his hands ever so gently holding you; he loved you this whole time but waited for you. You lay next to him, his eyes so effervescent and glossy, his fingers caress the side of your cheek. “I love you more than you would ever have expected me to…” he confesses lowly “ I was waiting for you,”

I was waiting for you.

Everything felt so complete with your heart and Jisung’s heart merged into one. Daisies, clementine’s, and August 1st. You wished for nothing more and nor did he. Even in another life, you would always be his first love

First love. Something so pure and magnificent, something that changed the repetitive customs of life; something that gave variety and prosperity to existence. Even when seasons change, Clementines and Daisies will be what bound you with your first love; Jisung was your first love and transpires to be your last.

Everything was falling into place and had been since whenever he grew feelings for you. The way you sandwiched his cheeks with heat packs, or the way you held his hand with one heat pack. Not to forget the way he would always buy your second choice so you didn’t have any regrets. The way Jisung’s gentle touches made a pit in your stomach fall everytime like the one time at the night cafe when you were looking at the books. Not to forget the way his thumb grazed your lips... Everything was just right.

***

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sungielvr · 11 months

Text

Nervous Young Inhumans M.List

(rl/smau) SKZ x OC

Summary- Seoyoon just wants a way out..

Warnings- HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING, S/H, Depression, Anxiety, Eating Disroders, these topics will not be light i will be going into detail. there will be some dark humor on seoyoons part, there will be eventual smut, seoyoon smokes weed a lot, poly!skz, very crude language and descriptions, Seoyoon starts OF

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to be continued..

here is the playlist to get a feel for the vibe of the plot :3 !

Note- there will be a face claim but obviously you can imagine yourself or whoever you like this is just someone who i though matched the aesthetic of my character (laid back, indie style clothing) her ig is peace.yami. i've had this draft for months now and i'm excited to see what it becomes i'm very open to feedback and how i can do better so let me know 😎❤️🫶

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mostlycompetentwriter · 3 years

Text

Domesticated Drabble

Pairing: Bang Chan x Y/N

Genre: Marriage AU; Sequel; Drabble

Warnings: So. Much. Fluff. (small smut scene at the beginning); language

Request:

A/N: Finally finished this one! Please enjoy another taste of my favorite AU!

5 Years Later

“We’ve got five minutes,” I whispered against the pulse point on Chan’s neck, the throbbing vein pumping hard as he panted for breath from above me, eyes shut tight together as he moaned.

“I’ll blow at any second,” Chan cursed, laying sloppy kisses wherever he could reach while fucking me hard and fast.

“Your cock feels amazing,” I practically purred, digging sharp nails into the milky white skin of his back, legs closing in around his waist to keep him close.

“Oh, sweetie, you’re laying it on thick this morning, aren’t you?”

I clenched a vice-grip around the length pumping inside me in response, sending Chan’s hips stuttering against my own. “I’ve got kids in the next room who can wake-up at any second. Excuse me for trying to inflate your ego.”

“That’s not the only thing inflating,” Chan gasped, curling his fingers through mine.

“You’re gross,” I huffed, closing my eyes and throwing back my neck as best as I could in this position: laid out under my husband, orgasm approaching at a meteoric-level speed, and sweat coating my skin in a delightful sheen as the muscles around my abdomen worked overtime to milk Chan for everything that he had before the moment was ruined by my kids.

I half-expected them to burst into the room unannounced at any second, oblivious to their parents fucking in much of the same way that created them in the first place. Locked together with limbs intertwining, sucking in each other’s air, and kisses rough and demanding.

Fuck it had been far too long since Chan and I had last done anything even remotely this intimate, and it was still necessary for us to go at it as fast as possible to prevent unwanted eyes from accidentally catching us at the height of our passion.

I couldn’t help but glance at the clock, realizing that we had been fucking for almost ten minutes, and the alarm had been set for 7:00 AM so that I could somehow wrestle my kids together for their first day of school.

Damn, this is gonna turn out to be a very long day.

“Are you close?” I asked Chan, connecting our lips for a sweet kiss since I personally knew that they were a weakness of his.

“Yeah,” he said, features collapsing into a look of pure concentration as a guttural moan found its way crawling up his throat to release itself at the same moment when I could feel his release emptying into the condom separating us from complete skin-to-skin by a thin layer of latex.

But I insisted on wearing them now.

“You’ll cum too, sweetie,” Chan whispered, laving his tongue across the pad of his thumb before reaching down to connect with my clitoris, drawing rough circles in random patterns to snap the physical breaking point: holding my tongue to prevent myself from screaming as I rode the waves of pleasure until nothing was left but a delicate haze and the sensation of Chan’s cock still stuffed inside my spent pussy.

As it turns out, aftercare with Chan was the equivalent of my husband spewing my praises while insisting on letting his cock soften completely before pulling out: cock warming at its finest.

“Do you plan to pull out?” I asked him, smirking when he whined and buried his face into the side of my neck.

“It’s been a while since we’ve been like this,” Chan remarked.

“The kids need to get up soon,” I said, although there was a sleepy pull weighing down my eyelids. A good fuck tended to wear me out. “They’ve got their first day.”

“Yeah,” Chan agreed, but he made no effort to separate us. In fact, I could imagine us both easily falling back to sleep.

“You’re coming right?” I asked around a yawn. “To their Kindergarten orientation or whatever the hell they call it.”

“Of course,” Chan said, and he finally lifted his head from my shoulder, gaze soft as he took his time to explore my features. “I can’t miss that.”

“What? Watching the teachers drag them away for the first day of the education system they’ll be stuck in for the next thirteen years?”

“You have a way with words, sweetie.”

I grinned. “Maybe I’m just using words to deny the weirdness of my kids starting school and making me feel like I’m 100 years old.”

“It feels like they were just born,” Chan agreed, and he slowly rose himself into a sitting position, climbing out of bed to give me the best view of his naked ass.

“Your ass looks great by the way.”

“Thanks,” Chan snorted, reaching for a pair of black slacks from the floor. “I’m taking a shower.”

“Fine,” I groaned. “I guess I’ll go awaken the sleeping monsters.”

“Let the chaos begin,” Chan announced, closing the bathroom door behind him as I reached down deep into the reserves to muster enough energy to finally get out of bed.

At the risk of sounding too long-winded, the best way I could describe my twins was with a touch of irony. Because, despite looking identical to one another, my girls couldn’t be more opposite in terms of personality.

Leah, the eldest by one minute, was boisterous, loud, and unapologetic when it came to being herself. She was the epitome of a social butterfly, jumping from one person to the next and asking questions that occasionally raised a few eyebrows because of their brazenness.

Her sister, Rose, was nothing like that. In fact, Rose hardly spoke at all, choosing to listen instead, and offer her voice only when she truly felt the need to include it. Of course, side-by-side, they were another thing altogether, far too energetic for me to handle.

This morning was no exception, chasing Leah around the house because she refused to change out of her pajamas, questioning me relentlessly on why it mattered that she had to change.

“I should wear what I want!” she insisted, and I had nearly lost my patience with her until Chan entered the room, and he was one of the only people who could talk through to Leah.

Him and Felix, of course.

Before Felix moved out, he and Leah were practically inseparable, and I could see her uncle’s influence in a lot of different ways.

“You want to look your best to make new friends, right?” Chan asked her, and after a laughable look of concentration, Leah nodded and allowed me to change her into a much more suitable dress.

“There,” I grumbled, turning my attention to Rose who was more willing to be dressed.

“Let’s go have breakfast, yeah?” Chan whispered to Leah, and she smiled and giggled at her father as he took her hand and led her into the kitchen.

I scoffed at how easy he was able to manage her, glancing at Rose who was even more quiet than usual. “Aren’t you excited for your first day?”

She shrugged, looking down at her hands. “I don’t want to leave you.”

I could feel my heart breaking at her sweet words, cupping her face between my hands as I tried to reassure her that she would still see me in the afternoons and evenings. “It’s just a little break,” I said, but I knew that Rose was harder to convince.

In the meantime, Chan and I worked together to have both twins fed and ready to leave the house, packing them lunches for school before ushering everyone out the door because we were teetering on the edge of being too late.

At least Chan had the wherewithal to warm-up the car, and it gave us more time to fasten everyone into their car-seats before pulling out onto the main road, speeding into the downtown district with the clock ticking away. “Well, at least the other parents will think we’re irresponsible.”

“I’ve got this,” Chan said, and I shivered as he toed the gas and grazed just going over too fast.

“At the risk of getting a ticket-”

“Relax, sweetie,” Chan interrupted, reaching over to take my hand. “I’ll handle everything.”

“Uh-huh,” I murmured, glancing up into the rearview mirror to see Leah and Rose engaged in their learning tablets. Even if they were a few minutes late, my kids would still be the smartest. I had made sure of that, spending countless hours with them reading as many books as I could buy, digging out paper and pencils to practice their names and alphabet letters, and reading tons of online articles about the best methods to ensure your child’s early learning set them up for the most success.

Right? So what if we were a little late.

“Mommy? Why can’t you both stay with us at school?” Rose suddenly inquired from the backseat.

I sighed, turning around to face her. “Mommy and Daddy both have to go to work, okay? We’ve already had our turn at school.”

“Our turn?” Chan chuckled, and I pivoted in my seat to glare at him.

“That’s the kind of language we should be using with them!”

“Did you read that from an online expert?”

“As a matter of fact, I did!” I huffed, and I caught his smile, letting me know that he was just messing around.

“I just want them to do well,” I whispered, and his expression instantly softened at the sound of my tone.

“You’ve done so well, sweetie,” Chan reassured me, squeezing my hand even tighter as he turned into the school’s parking lot, finding an empty spot near the back.

Immediately, I was at the back door, reaching inside to help Rose out of her seat, spinning her around to help her with her brand new bookbag. “There,” I said, once her attention was on me again. “You’re ready.”

“I don’t know...” Rose trailed off, and her eyes held all the uncertainty of a five-year-old who was used to staying at home with her parents and uncle. Not the unfamiliar presences of her peers.

“Hey,” I said, kneeling down to meet her gaze straight-on. “I know it seems scary, but I promise that you’ll really love it. I was the same way too on my first day, but my mom gave me the same advice, and guess what? She was right. I ended up loving school, and if there’s a little piece of me in you, then I know that you’ll have so much fun that you’ll forget all about your mommy and daddy.”

Rose’s eyes grew bigger, shaking her head in a manner that was quite endearing. “I won’t ever forget you.”

“I know, sweetheart,” I said, pulling her close for a hug as Chan and Leah emerged from the other side.

“Everything okay?” Chan asked, looking between me and his daughter.

“Just fine,” I said, ruffling Rose’s hair before standing tall again. “Let’s go inside.”

The classroom was already full of students, and I was glad to see some parents lingering, which meant we weren’t as late as I had thought.

“Told ya,” Chan snickered, and I gave him a playful glare before turning my attention to the approaching teacher: an older gentleman with a head of pepper and salt colored hair and kind eyes.

“Hello,” he said, addressing me first. “I’m Mr. Park.”

“Hi,” I said, accepting his handshake. “These are my daughters: Leah and Rose Bang.”

“Ah!” Mr. Park remarked, glancing down. “I’m excited for our twin students! Please, have a seat wherever you’d like.”

“Go on,” I encouraged them when I caught their matching looks of insecurity. “You have each other,” I added, reaching down to wrap their fingers together, giving them one last smile before Leah bravely led her sister further into the room, selecting an empty table near the back.

“Well, it’s so nice to meet you,” Mr. Park said, and I noticed that he had grown a little too close, gaze lingering for far too long.

“Yes,” I agreed, “And this is my-”

“I’m Chan,” my husband interrupted, inserting himself between me and Mr. Park with a brusque movement. “The father.”

I rolled my eyes at his tone, watching as Mr. Park hesitated before nodding and shaking Chan’s outstretched hand. “Nice to meet you.”

I smirked, waiting until Mr. Park had moved on before leaning in to Chan. “What was that, dear?”

Chan scoffed, searching the room for a moment. “He was flirting with you, sweetie. What did you expect me to do?”

“Well, it could be from our morning romp, but it kinda turned me on.”

Chan raised a suggestive brow at my comment, but I gave him a cheeky smile in response before walking in the direction of Leah and Rose’s table. “Look at you two,” I remarked. “I think you made a good choice.”

“I like seeing outside,” Leah said, and I nodded and tucked away a wayward strand of hair.

“You’ll both stay together, right?”

I received synchronous nods in response, and there was a lot of relief on my end knowing that my girls would be just fine.

“We’ll be here to pick you up at 2:00,” Chan said, pointing to the analog clock above the door. “Okay?”

Two more nods. “Remember to have fun. You’re gonna learn so much, and maybe you’ll even be smarter than daddy.”

I managed to elicit two laughs in response to that, and Chan chuckled as he wrapped an arm around my waist. “Be good, alright?”

“Yes, daddy,” Leah replied diligently while Rose nodded her head, attention drifting to a book sitting at the edge of the table.

I smiled knowing that she was showing interest, and then I realized that there was a deeper part of me that was having just as much trouble leaving the girls as they were having with leaving me and Chan. But the other parents were starting to leave the room, and with one more exchange of our goodbyes, Chan and I were walking away from our girls, keeping our own hands locked together as the door closed behind us.

“Woah,” I sighed once we were outside in the hallway. “That was harder than I expected.”

“It’s a big step,” Chan said, and he wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me closer. “But they’ll be okay because they’re ours.”

“Oh,” I laughed. “Is that so?”

“Of course,” Chan said, giving me a perfectly serious look before a smile overtook his features, and any previous doubts were vanquished by the sincerity in that smile, and I knew that as long as I had Chan, then nothing would ever be too difficult to overcome.

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