jyunshiim

[jyunshiim]

Butterfly  ⤷ Soobin X Fem!Reader au

Genre → some angst | melancholic | romance[ish] 

Contains → angst | romance | Major character d3ath

Word count → 7.5k

TW → mentions of death, death, some triggering content [?]

Summary: Soobin’s closed off nature intrigued you to help him to open up and spread his wings to become a free spirit like you. Little did he know that you had your own dark secret. 

-[ylia inspired]

The everlasting beauty of a frail butterfly; dainty, graceful but on the brink of it’s departure from the cruel world it was unwillingly brought into. He didn’t want to let go just yet and waited until he overcame his fears and stepped over oceans in order to vanquish the corroding fear he sustained. But when the pitiable soul finally reached his hand out, it was too late; the tenuous little butterfly flew far away, never to be seen again. The shattering pain like shards of glass piercing through his heart causing calamity to himself was too much to bear.

Winter had finally ended, iced leaves and soil would melt away to revive the preserved flora that resided in the school garden. Spring strided in, in a cheerful and bright manner reflecting it’s enlivening character through the vegetation. Soobin, a reserved 17 year old,  shyly walked in through the high school gates clasping onto his bag strap and biting his bottom lip nervously. His charcoal hair that was parted through the middle perched on his forehead almost covering his eyes which were like a pair of black tourmaline crystals, glistening like tapioca pearls.He was shy although his talents were never unseen; he was a prodigy in music and he was the quiet musical genius. Soobin was an acquiescent child and student, carefully practicing and studying his music outside of school hours with his parents. They were tough on him, the strict rules were almost cruel, however Soobin wasn’t one to tell nor complain about his home life and studies. His schedule was quite simple - school, homework and study, then music practice for the rest of the night until he fell asleep at his piano or with his guitar in his desk chair. His mother was an award winning musician as well as his father thus the strict teaching he was experiencing very much daily. The frustration was overwhelming. He wanted to run away from it all and give up the music career his parents pleaded for but that would be classified as treason to his parents especially since they both were no longer with him. They wished for their son to follow their footsteps and continue their legacy and giving up on that wish would be like giving up on them. They passed away 2 years ago when Soobin was 15 years old on their way to his recital which was performed in front of a very large audience. He waited for them to arrive even after he performed his piece, rang them multiple times but no answer. Not even a call back. Then the traumatic news was broadcasted backstage that there was an extreme collision that caused 2 deaths and 3 injuries; the two deaths being none other than his parents. Soobin cried silently in pain since he recognised the car. It was indeed traumatic for a 15 year old boy but now, he had no one. His aunt heard the news and decided to take care of him soon after the traumatising incident but since then, Soobin was never the same.

The sun was warmly beaming down to the newly tarmacked walkway into the school as Soobin slowly walked in through the school gate spotting his friends sitting on some stairs. Yeonjun was his longest friend; they met through a music academy when they were ten years old before Yeonjun left to focus on his academics rather than music. Yeonjun was like a battery for Soobin, always full of energy and enthusiasm making sure Soobin doesn’t miss out during the peak of his teenage years. There was also Arin too, she too was a part of Soobin’s music academy however specialised in classical music especially with violin and also vocals - more specifically opera. Arin was incredibly focused on her musical career and wished to perform worldwide with both her violin and singing. For Soobin, she was more of a third parent pushing him to do better and to attend the extra rehearsal hours although in a much more polite and loving manner than his parents were. She was supportive, more supportive than anyone in his life could ever be. Soobin swallowed hard as if he were swallowing a pill and waved at them before sitting next to Yeonjun.

“You’re early today,” Yeojun’s eyes turned into a crescent shape as he smiled hard at Soobin. It was endearing to Soobin, he appreciated the unconditional love and support he got from Yeonjun, something an older brother would provide. “We got you this because you always miss breakfast,” Arin smiled lovingly from the other side of Yeonjun “make sure you have it or else,” She points at him in a semi threatening way. Soobin nods and smiles, looking down at the strawberry milk and cinnamon bun he was given. He never had breakfast, lunch or dinner with his parents and when he did, the outcome was always negative; his mother or father, sometimes even both, would end up leaving to do something with their work or Soobin would eat at home alone when his parents were out grading other music students or judging at music competitions. With his aunt, she would be busy working but she would try her best, so that was a positive.

The deafening sound of the school bell rang and the almost silent hallways became boisterous and cramped as students were pushing and shoving to get to their classes. Soobin had a literature class first thing to which he left early for since he was naturally prompt to anything. He seats himself in the far back, left hand corner near the window, opening his bag to grab his books and his pens. He hated literature. Somehow he dragged himself through it every day and did extra study just to get high grades in his class. He gazes outside whilst the teacher reads the extracts for the class except usually, there isn’t anything that catches his eye except today but before he could even process what was happening, the teacher caught him out of focus. “Soobin, maybe you can read for the class since you know it already and instead, staring outside,” oh my god, why.

After his morning classes, the three sit outside together and Yeonjun leans back onto his hands groaning. “Soobin, are you free today to hang out at the park?” Soobin looks up to Yeonjun. “I don’t know, I have to practice at home and-” Arin interrupts Soobin. “What if you practice with me, your aunt won't know?” Soobin thinks for a moment. “You want me to lie to her?” He gulps hard. “well no, because if you bring your guitar out they wouldn’t suspect a thing, right?” Arin had a good point and it was a scheme he never thought of because of the fear of his aunt getting mad at him. “I’ll do that today then!” Soobin’s face brightened up from a dismal monotonous expression, to a smile that could cure anything. His aunt was kind but he wasn’t used to that kind of upbringing so instead of lying to her, he wanted to tell her the truth. After the break, it was math class and Soobin walked over to his class alone and was going to sit at his desk. He froze as he saw an unfamiliar face sitting at his desk, her expression as if she were a deer in headlights. She was neatly put together, a silver heart shaped hair pin keeping one side of her hair back and her belongings were neatly placed on the desk. Soobin felt too guilty asking her to move so he went to sit in front of her since that was the empty seat - she must’ve gotten confused. Soon after Soobin sat down, students were cramming through the doorway so they weren’t late. Luckily, his mathematics teacher was lenient to a couple to a few late comers, mistakes are a human action. As some students passed notes, whispered their answers and other gossip, Soobin was dazed glaring at the ticking clock that was timing every second that went by. He heard shuffling and a chair clawing at the floor which irritated him but Soobin wasn’t a person to get mad quickly though it did come from behind. The girl was straining her neck to look at the teacher’s answers and whatever notes were on the board. There was one of two things he could have done: either change seats or pass his notes back. He passed his notes back simply because he didn't want to disrupt the lesson but Soobin reminded himself to let her know to change seats with her. Coyly, Soobin turned around, moving the hair that perched above his eyes, and pushed the notebook towards this student to which she sat back in her chair and gave a cordial smile.

“Thank you,” she whispered, also attempting not to bring too much attention to herself. “I couldn’t see very well so thank you so much!”

Soobin nodded his head. “It’s okay, you’re in my seat anyway,” he was reluctant to just tell her but it was easier to just let her know so she didn’t have to suffer another neck cramp.

Ringing flooded the hallways simultaneously, so did the students. There was a tug on Soobin’s sweater which brought him to a halt; “i’m sorry I took your seat, someone pointed at one of them and I-” she was interrupted by Soobin himself.

“Hey, it’s fine, we’ll just swap next time okay?” his tone sounded sardonic although it wasn't his intention. “Oh okay, maybe I could buy you lunch?” she hesitated. “Straight up the hallway and take a left then up again and a right, that’s where the cafeteria is,” Soobin immediately knew she was a new student and needed time to adjust to the new environment.

“How did you know!” she gasped, hands over her ‘O’ shaped mouth. “It’s pretty obvious,”  the raven haired boy shrugs, smiles and departs from the maths classroom.

His phone glows a blue light back at him as he opens the text chat with his aunt; “would I be able to hang out with my friends today and have a one day break from practice please?” he messages her hoping she would be kind enough to say yes. His heart was beating tumultuously and he was indeed agitated from the plethora of emotions that swarmed his mind viciously.

“Of course my beloved nephew, you are so well behaved and old enough to go out and have a bit of fun! Just make sure you don’t go in your uniform okay?” Why weren’t my parents like this?

The new girl's energy stuck with him for the rest of the day. His friends were waiting for him at the park nearby the school since that’s where they usually hang out though Soobin had to make a quick stop home before meeting with them. Fortunately, he lived around 20 minutes away by foot, crossing a bridge that loomed over a river. It was at its most captivating moment for the flowers on the trees were blooming rapidly and often fell to the ground. Soobin would collect some petals and keep them in a box since dried flowers were far more memorable and longer lasting than fresh ones. With a sprint, he opened his door, stumbling over his own feet as he tried to get his shoes off and changed into something more fitting than his uniform; he was a simple boy so a white t-shirt and a pair of black joggers were enough for him. Click! The sound of the bluetooth earphone case closed and Soobin put them in to speed up his walk to the park. Meandering through the people around, the breeze travelled at a soft pace just like Soobin walked. Steadily and carefully, he made sure he was aware of his surroundings and greeted the kind couple who owned the bakery near the park. A large trunked oak tree grew so he could recognise the bakery from afar.

The off-white gazebo reflected the sun’s rays, it’s wide roof sheltering teenagers and even the elderly from the blazing sun during summer or the leaves and conkers that fell from the trees. Buzz! Soobin’s phone vibrated in his pocket; it was Yeonjun. “Yah, I told you not to take so long? Where are you?” he texted, it sounded a little passive aggressive but it was Yeonjun aggressively expressing his platonic admiration for him. “I’m nearly he-” Soobin collided with something. It was with great force which left him on the floor.

“Oh my, are you okay? I didn’t know my violin hit you that hard I-” a feminine voice spoke. It was familiar; the voice was feminine but not high pitched and animated yet had a soft sound to it. “Yeah, I’m- I’m fine don’t worry, the top of it just hit my eye? No my head? I don’t know,” he groaned. He feels her hand on his face though he didn’t feel quite comfortable with her touching his face so he gently brushed it off. “Don’t worry about it,” He had one eye open and the other under his palm. “How can I not worry!” she sounded rather aggravated rather than upset. “Are you being serious?” her voice changed from worry to annoyance. “Seriously, I can deal with it,” Soobin gets up and walks away towards the gazebo where Yeonjun, Arin and another friend Beomgyu sit together eating snacks from the convenience store.

“I see you met her,” Arin greets. “Who? Violin, seat stealer?” Soobin looks at Arin bewildered yet keen to know more. “Yeah that’s the new girl, y/n, she transferred recently from her old school no one really knows why,” Arin shrugs whilst offering a peach slice. “Right, let’s not talk about her right now…” Soobin sighs. “What? How can I not? She’s with us, we told her you’re coming with your guitar,” I forgot my guitar, now what. “Ah, well I was assaulted with that violin of hers.” A patch above his eye reddens. Yeonjun points above Soobin’s eye; “what happened?” he reaches out to touch it but Soobin flinches. “Just a series of unfortunate events,” Soobin shrugs and sits down.

Everything happens for a reason from the small sprout of a flower to the wither and decay of another. Soobin thought he was just a mere side character in Yeonjun’s buoyant life; he looked up to Yeonjun a lot since he was something he lacked. Yeonjun was a vivacious person who was talented in many areas such as sport and art. He was outgoing and friendly to almost everyone he encountered which reminded Soobin of the first time he met Yeonjun. They were both 12 years old and there was a football tournament that was between two schools. Soobin was on one team and Yeonjun was on the opposing team though Soobin wasn’t very good at sport. During the game Soobin tripped over and fell many times due to his clumsiness however, Yeonjun helped him everytime and was caring towards him. Their friendship sparked from there on as Yeonjun invited him to his 11th birthday party and they have been so close since.

y/n walked towards the group that were sitting under the gazebo and  put down her violin case in front of her.

“Thanks for inviting me to hang out with your guys! It means a lot to me since I don’t know many people here,” her cheeks were tainted a pinkish hue since she was both flustered from earlier and from the beaming sun. “i nothing, really, Yeonjun and Soobin did the same when I was pretty lonely,” Arin nudged Yeonjun. “All thanks to me, i know  i know,” Yeonjun turned an awkward situation into a light hearted joke which uplifted Soobin by the slightest. “So what do you do y/n, actually where did you used to go?” Yeonjun asked and Soobin remained quiet. He didn’t know whether it was due to being closed off to new people or whether he just didn’t want to speak. “Oh I used to go to the school that was passed the crossroads about half an hour from here but I moved because of personal problems over there nothing too major,” she let out a weak laugh. “I play the violin though and I have ever since I went to see the first ever music competition when I was younger, music just moves me,” she glances at Soobin as he just nods to her words. “How about you Soobin, what do you do?” a bit too specific how she chose to talk to me… “ oh I play the piano and the guitar that’s about all though,” Soobin was very shy to new people and didn’t know how to start opening up and talking to people. Yeonjun broke the barrier himself which was a skill no one else had. “That’s cool! I would love to see you play some time,” y/n suggests which causes some dismay within Soobin but he nods kindly. “Soobin is so picky with who he plays for,” Arin teases him. “That’s not why I-” Soobin stops himself, what if he said something wrong? “Don’t worry.”

The park began to quieten down as parents and their children departed for the evening. Young couples and elderly couples would walk together hand in hand with the pure essence of love and adoration emitting from their hearts. Yeonjun left first  to arrive home to assist his parents in preparing dinner, Arin left soon after since she had to study for a test, it was only Soobin and y/n left behind. “Are you doing anything this evening?” y/n asks as she props her violin bag on her back and brushes the back of her dress down. “Oh probably not, i’ll be helping my aunt at her restaurant,” he nods, forcing a smile since the atmosphere became extremely awkward. “That’s nice! How about your parent’s? Will you be joining them for dinner?” Soobin stood, the forced smile dropping instantly. “No, i won’t please don’t ask again,” he grabs his belongings and turns around leaving her behind. Y/n stood in shock, unsure of what she did; “hey! Soobin wait!” He runs after him with the violin hitting her back. She trips over a pothole in the grass, which was dug up by a dog or a fox, and grazes her knee. Soobin stopped and turned around to see y/n on the ground with a grazed knee and what sounded like y/n struggling to breathe. Was she that eager to stop me? “Hey, are you okay?” he jogs over feeling guilty. “I’m f-fine, i’m fine,” she heaves to desperately, “i-i’m sorry,” she wheezes. “Don’t worry about that, are you okay? your condition seems to be deteriorating?” He helped her up since no one else was around and the sun began to graze the horizon. After a few sips of water and sitting up straight on a nearby bench with Soobin accompanying her, she felt better. “Thanks for not abandoning me, leaving me to suffer,” she nods. “When you put it in that way, it’s like I wanted to kill you,” Soobin leans back into the bench. “Are you okay to get home?” he asks hesitantly. She nods, not exchanging words with him. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” He stands up. “I go that way too,” she points at the direction Soobin was facing. What does the universe want from me? “Oh well, we can walk together if you want to?”. Y/n stands up and begins walking along side Soobin.

Y/n wasn’t always as outgoing and bubbly as she was now. She was shy and reserved and didn’t speak out much thus being a victim of bullying when she was younger. Although it wasn’t any type of bullying such as name calling, it was much more serious to the point where foul words and violence diminished her self esteem and confidence to fight back. For 6 years she suffered abuse from her previous school to which it was compulsory to leave since her life was in danger. Her unfortunate fate also led her to be hospitalised a few months for an unknown condition which continued to weaken as time passed and was detrimental to her health. Transferring schools and starting fresh was something she wished to do just in case she didn’t have long  left which therefore allowed her to become more outgoing and elated than she was before. To her, Soobin mirrored where she was before although he had secrets she didn’t know just like herself. She wanted to live life with no regrets and so she began …

Y/n stopped at a small shop, “this is where I live,” she alerts Soobin so he didn’t have to wait for her. Soobin’s eyes scanned the area; a small bakery next door to a convenience store and a block of apartments directly next door. “Must be very useful to have a convenience store and a bakery nearby,” he says. “It is, my father owns the convenience store which is useful,” y/n taps the code into the entrance door. “I’ll see you soon,” she waves, smiling ear to ear. She was on the brink of fainting and in pain but it was as if it never happened.

Soobin didn’t understand her although curiosity consumed him. He wanted to understand her but he also felt like he knew everything he could ever know about her. Maybe he should give her a chance?

He pondered outside of the store before he turned around, clutching onto his bag strap and walking home on his own. The setting suns rays reflected onto the glossy river, shooting back up to the sky. He stood at the bridge inhaling the air sharply.

The following day Soobin takes the same route to school and he sees her waiting outside the store with two drinks. “hey, i thought you’d take the other route!” She passed one to Soobin. Tonelessly, Soobin retrieved the milky drink from her; it was already pierced through for him and he sipped at it whilst walking along side her.

“How was your evening yesterday? did you have a good dinner? how was the homework? I found the maths task really hard, did you? i need help on it, want to study with me later” Her animated nature was quite much for Soobin to bear.

“o-oh well I,” he begins choking up on his drink.

“oh! i’m so sorry!” She pauses and pats Soobins back. Soobin exchanges some glances with her, his ears burning from embarrassment.

“You have a lot to say, I can barely keep up just slow down,” he mumbles exasperatedly.

Soobin needed some time getting used to the violinist.

She would follow him everywhere he went; to the cafeteria, the rooftop, to the library or the basketball court. Wherever he was, she was. Her buoyance was somewhat invigorating to Soobin since he spent most of his life in isolation, studying alone all the time. He didn't have hobbies he enjoyed so she did all she could to bring out his playfulness. Of course, she hasn’t succeeded yet but Yeonjun and Arin have hope in her.

The library was quiet today. There were a couple students dotted around the room with their heads engrossed into their textbooks. “Soobin, this way I like this seat!” She drags him at his shirt sleeve. “w-wow slow down, this is a library not a running track,” Soobin sounded irritated but she didn’t care, she tried and was patient with him. “I got some snacks for us from the store, Yeonjun told me you like sausage, bread and banana or strawberry milk so I got everything!” Her smile went from one ear to the other, the aura she emitted being warm and gentle. She cared. “oh, thanks.” Soobin nodded as he started biting his lips. “hey stop that!” her fingers brush against his lips as she swats his hands away. Soobin’s cheeks redden and his heart race quickens. He strikes her hand away from his face; “ you can just ask or leave me be, you dont need to touch me,” His demeanour changes ever so slightly, he seemed unreadable. “ you wanted help with math, so let’s start from there.” He was stern and serious with her now but a spark of guilt hit him where it hurt. His guardians were exactly this way to him, no play or enjoyment, just study and work. She sat quietly listening to Soobin teach her until 2 hours into the study, Soobin checked his watch. “i’m leaving now,” he stands up packing his bags. “oh okay,” she gulps and clears her throat, “i’m sorry by the way, I didn’t mean to invade your space.” she frowns, her lips trembling and her voice cracking as she speaks. Soobin realises what he had done; “i’m sorry for reacting that way.” he said clearly and loud enough for her to hear before departing from her.

S: did i got too far? did i hurt her? that was so awful of me why did i say that and why did i react like that! i feel bad… maybe i should do something to apologise….

The following day, Soobin arrived to his class early. He left a strawberry carton milk box and a cinnamon roll on her desk, it’s the least he could do. Yeonjun arrived and then Arin followed by she did not arrive at the same time. Soobin waited. 1st period went by and she still didn't arrive.

“Arin, do you know where she is?” Soobin asked his friend.

“uhh i think she told me she’s arriving in period 2, so now - oh look, there she is!” Arin waves at the girl and Soobins cheeks go red. She looks at the items on her desk and back at him before sitting down although the expression was only a slight smile.

Once the class ended, she turned around to Soobin.

“so you got these to apologise me me right?” her raised brow felt as if she was taunting Soobin. He didn't respond because of the sheer embarrassment he’d feel. “it’s okay you’re forgiven, i was trying to be nice to you maybe  you should loosen up a bit” she pokes him.

Maybe she’s right. Maybe the world would be a little bit different if he didn’t act so closed off.

“are you free after? we can hang out for a bit?” she asks and she takes a small bite into the cinnamon roll he gave her. Soobin thought about it before answering.

“sure.”

and from then on everything began to change.

The weather was warm, the sun beaming down to Soobin as they both walked side by side. She skips down the pavement as she smiles hard; she was so happy today but Soobin thought this was just how she is. “hey let’s go to this café!” she points at a minimal, white and green coffee and cake shop. She had a sweet tooth by the looks of it. Soobin kept looking at his watch, slightly frenzied. He didn't want his aunt to think he wasn’t studying or that he wasn't practicing despite giving up on his guitar and piano lessons and not going back. He walked into the store, the interior decorated with green plants, white and wooden furniture along with a piano in the corner. “Lets go order before we sit down, I really like the strawberry latte they do here, the caramel latte with cream is really good too,” she went on about her favourite menu items and Soobin listened. He paid attention to what she said and took the time to get to know her. Soobin situated himself in a corner that was away from the door, in a small nookish area secluded from the rest of the shop. This was because of the piano. He glares at the piano and all the memories come back from his childhood of his mother and how harrowing his aunt and uncle were. He covers his hands slightly, clearing his throat and takes a long sip of his drink as she watches the liquid go down in moments.

“woah, you were thirsty… at this rate you’ll need another drink! why dont you try this matcha cake?” She cuts off a piece on the fork and holds it up. Soobin looked at her for a moment, her eyes large, glittery and glossy in the shop's lighting; her cheeks were a light pinkish hue from the warmth. He didn't know whether to eat from the fork or take it from her but something told him to just let her be. He leaned forward, his mouth agape, taking the small portion of the cake into his mouth as his rosy lips grazed the fork.

“mm, this is quite nice,” it was the first time Soobin smiled over something so trivial. She didn't say anything and let it be, she liked seeing Soobin smile for the first time.

–

“Can you play that?” you ask.

“what the piano?” Soobin tenses up slightly.

“yeah? you seem to be studying or practising something so it’s worth asking,”

Soobin stares at you hesitant in his response to you. Does he confess his conflicted love for music or does he lie?

“ I practice guitar and piano, my aunt makes me,” his eyes avoid any eye contact with you.

Without words being said, you grab his had setting a tsunami of emotions through Soobin. His cheeks flare up a cardinal red, his throat becoming tight from the anxiousness he endured within those few seconds.

“Play something!” you lean against the piano, keen to listen to Soobin and his hidden talents.

Soobin was nervous. The palms of his hands were speckled with sweat; he dragged them onto his thighs to dry them before taking a deep breath though the more he inhaled the less he felt he could breathe. However, the moment his delicate fingers descended onto the piano keys, everyone’s eyes shot towards the boy at the piano, his head hanging low as he avoided eye contact.

That was the day that you were able to change Soobin’s passion and what he loved.

Once he finished his piece, the café applauded him for his efforts and praised him for his talents. “see I knew you’d be so good!” You praised him too. Soobin smiled and felt something he hadn’t felt for a long time ever since his parents passed away. “It felt nice to perform without the weight of the world on my shoulders,” Soobin sat down and shyly looked down. He felt proud of himself that he could perform without his aunt at his throat everyday or every minor mistake.

Months went by where you and Soobin spent almost all your time together. You helped Soobin crawl out of his shell slowly and allowed him to be comfortable with himself. You were relieved. The Soobin you once saw a long time ago is back although his smile was brighter than the stars on a summer night. He felt happy. He was happy.

Soobin waited for you at the bus stop near the school entrance to walk in with you along with Arin and Yeonjun. “did she tell you she’d be here or even come in today Soobin?” Arin asks Soobin rather sceptical about the situation.

“yes! she said to wait here, she’ll probably be here any moment…” Soobin insisted.

“well.. we are getting late …” Arin shrugs.

“Arin you can go in first, just tell the teachers that we’re running late and … make up an excuse or something you’re good at that!” Yeonjun ousted her away so she wouldn't complain anymore.

He waited for you until he couldn't wait any longer and sent you a message.

Your phone buzzed on the bedside table, the dripping of the IV becoming oddly louder every second that went by, the nurses muttering behind the curtains. Was I going to die? Why did no one tell me anything? You tried to reach over to your phone accidentally knocking over the water glass onto the floor alerting the nurses. “Oh my goodness are you okay sweetheart?” The main nurse exclaims in shock.

“uh.. oh yes ma’am I’m fine I tried to reach for my phone and I knocked it over i’m so sorry..” you say quietly feeling like a nuisance even in the hospital. You sighed to yourself.

“It’s time for some tests, are you okay for us to take you to another room?” A nurse asks politely. Her tone sounded sickly sweet; it was sympathy. She felt sorry for a sick patient like  you although you really didn’t want this sort of attention at all. You sat in the wheelchair they provided since your body was too weak from the medication that you have been taking and sat in another room awaiting for scans and a bunch of other medical things. You wondered when you’d get better. 

Soobin: Hey are you okay? did you decide to skip today

Your fingers hovered over the letters wondering what to say...

You: haha! of course I did.. live life a little right! 

You lied to Soobin and it felt gut wrenching.

You were in and out of hospital every few months and sometimes for weeks which began to concern Soobin. He messaged you every time asking where you were and whether you were going to practice with him, but it was the same thing every single time.

Soobin: where have you been lately? you keep bailing on me and I don't know why can you please give me a proper reason?

You began to type.

You: I'm sorry I keep changing plans and things like that but

Soobin: But?

You: I’ve been in and out of the hospital a lot more than usual. My condition has gotten worse over time but the doctors and taking good care of me and making sure I'm all okay! so don't worry !!

You tried to make it sound like it was a good thing but in what world did that sound right?

Soobin: what! what do you mean the hospital? why didn't you tell us! I'm telling the others and we are on our way.

You: don't worry too much, I promise I'll be fine.

__

From then on Soobin visited you every single day along with Yeonjun or Arin or even both. They brought you your favourite snacks and foods and made sure you were okay which was really nice. You had hope everything will be fixed and you would feel better soon. Little did you know, your health was deteriorating further, becoming more severe to the point where you had to drop out of school for a full recovery. 

__

You gazed out of the window of your room in the hospital, sitting on the edge of the bed holding the steamed bun Soobin just dropped off to you. It was still warm. It reminded you how cold Soobin used to be and how warm and kind he was now since all he needed was some attention and some care. He was just as broken as you were and you were glad to piece him back together and make him the person he is. Yeonjun sent you a video; you lift your phone up and press play on the video of Soobin busking with a bright smile. You let a butterfly free from it’s enclosure and he was graceful as ever. The song he played was a love song and your ignorance didn't realise the song Soobin was singing was in fact for you. You mixed up the message conveyed through what Yeonjun sent thinking he was confessing his adoration and love for you.

You: that was really cute Yeonjun but I have feelings for someone else.

From here on, things got complicated. Yeonjun told Soobin what you said and Soobin felt hurt. From a minor misunderstanding Soobin felt distraught and pained so he sat on his bed that evening thinking that he shouldn't have told Yeonjun to send that video at all. He shrugged it off as much as he could. Soobin didn’t deny to himself now that he had fallen for you and it was evident he was deep into he feelings. He assured himself. it’ll be fine if he didn’t mention it anymore until you mentioned it to him.

__

Spring returned in the new year and the blossoms were blooming again. You sat from your hospital bed watching the petals float around gracefully in the gentle breeze as you began to write pages and pages of empty words, your aching hand cramping up. Your joints were sore from writing so much though there wasn't much to do than take your medication and listen to the nurse be overly nice to you. You reminisced about the times you danced carelessly through the floating petals, the smell of freshly cut grass that made you sneeze at times, or when you sat under the gazebo with your friends. It was true bliss. You regretted the times you took everything for granted, all the joy that you felt then, you felt in the moment and now... it was just memories that would be erased at some point. You seal the envelope with the stickers Arin gave you and put it in the draws next to you. You sigh.

“hello?” you hear a faint whisper.

“hey Soobin,” you smile, excited to see him.

“ I got you some fresh bread because I know you like them!” he smiles as he puts them down on the table. “are you doing okay?” he asks with concern.

“much better,” you smile at him, his large tapioca eyes glossing slightly as he softly pats your arm.

“I’m here with my aunt on my way to a recital, I'll send you videos!” 

Soobin was considerate. He made sure you weren’t alone and were entertained. You felt comfortable even if you were at your worst, he made sure you were feeling the best although Soobin felt some sort of affliction after what Yeonjun showed him. It was fine since he cared about you so much that it didn't even matter.

__

April 23rd.

Soobin visits you again but this time you wanted to ask him for a favour. “Soobin,” you begin, “I want to go outside.”

“outside? are you allowed?” His eyes widen.

“kinda, help me up,” you ask him, his hand firmly gripping onto your frail shoulders so you didn't fall and the other around you so you didn't stumble. You and Soobin waddle slowly out of the room into the courtyard like area.

You grip onto the envelope tightly. “I missed feeling the sun and the breeze like this, it’s so refreshing!”

“It is, spring is my favourite season. Not too hot, not too cold,”He leaned back into the bench. “we miss you at school you know,” he turned to you, your face draining of its colour. 

“yeah, it really sucks that I'm sick but it’ll get better and we can hang out again just like this,” you inhale deeply, sighing. 

“I hope you do, we should go back to that café again with the piano and we could duet together! and take Arin and Yeonjun too!” Soobin sounded excited.

Your energy remained low but Soobin didn’t mind. He understood how tired you must have been. “oh I have this by the way, open it on your birthday!” you say clearing your throat.

“that’s a bit early isn’t it?” Soobin questions you slightly confused.

“I might still be recovering or still getting treatment so I might not have time to get you something, just keep it’ you say before standing up alone.

You regretted it. Your head felt dizzy and you felt faint. Your condition had worsened over time and you missed your medication to which you fainted collapsing to the group. The last thing you heard was Sobbing yelp, shouting for help as he tried to take you back to your hospital room.

__ 

Your condition was critical now and visitors were only allowed if they were close family such as parents or siblings. Soobin blamed himself that day since he broke the rules and suffered the consequences. Maybe his aunt was right, we have to always follow rules or someone will get hurt. Soobin messaged you day after day although you had no strength to answer him. You tried although the conversations were short although despite that, Soobin told you everything including the little black cat that you guys would always see. you missed being with him. Though your body began to shut down slowly and doctors would do everything they could to keep you stable. The beeping got to you. The constant

beep

beep

beep

beep

It made you impatient. 

__

December rolls around and Soobin’s birthday approaches. He opens the envelope excitedly to see what the gift was from you since he couldn't see you in person. 

“ Dear Soobin,

I’m truly sorry I had to wish you a happy birthday like this however I knew that around now I wasn't going to make it. You may wonder what I mean by that and no I don't mean I'm simply missing your birthday but because of my condition. 

My condition has been shutting my body down making me weak. At any moment I could hurt myself so that’s why I had to stay in my confined space at the hospital. The view is nice although the food did not taste good at all - except for the food you brought me thank you. By now you must’ve done a lot; met up with Yeonjun and Arin, been to more recitals, practiced playing your guitar and piano more - just living your life happily as you should have been. You’re lucky to have this life, cherish it. I wish I had enough time to enjoy everything but being stuck to a bed for almost 3 months makes you feel like a zombie if I'm really honest. 

I’m sorry I lied about being okay and that the doctors would somehow fix me but the condition was unfixable from the start. The medication only slowed it down and yet it still felt like I was disintegrating. However, I wanted to mention something I should have a really long time ago.

I really really liked you. Not a simple platonic like. You made my heart yearn to see you more, to be with you more. You were the reason why I kept trying and pushing harder because I liked you so much. I guess you could call it love but I felt awkward telling you because Yeonjun sent me your busking video of that one love song which I assumed he was confessing to me with but I liked you. You were the only one in my heart and I would die with you in my heart. I felt like you wanted to stay as friends so I kept it to myself but whenever you are reading this, I’m sorry if it's too late.

[...]

By now I don’t think I would have made it but don't worry, we would meet again under the gazebo in spring, you have to promise me that. I just want you to know you did a lot to make me happy and I’m glad we could be in each others lives so thank you for making it better. 

I hope you have Happy birthday and enjoy your day with Arin snd Yeonjun. I will miss you forever...

Lots of love,

....”

Soobin froze. No tears, no reaction. What did he just read? was this a prank? It couldn’t be... “she can’t have left me, I didn't tell her!” he yells. Yeonjun’s head shoots up from his phone. “what’s wrong?” He locks eyes with Soobin, teary eyed Soobin, grasping the letter in his hands.

“d-did you know she was sick?” his voice cracks.

“what? no! I didn't, what's happening?” Yeonjun’s confusion frustrates Soobin.

“she’s gone... she was sick for a long time and she’s gone and she didn't tell us.. and I didn't tell her what I wanted to,” he immediately breaks down.

Yeonjun also froze at the news. “She left without telling us so we wouldn't be hurt but told you because she-”

“she loved me back.” Soobin buries his head into his hands “she felt the same and she thought you liked her and I didn't,”

Soobin was hysterical. He couldn't control his emotions despite Yeonjun attempting to calm him down.

__

He didn’t want to let go just yet. He overcame his fears and stepped over oceans in order to vanquish the corroding fear he sustained. But when he, pitiable soul, attempted to finally reached his hand out, it was too late; the tenuous little butterfly flew far away, never to be seen again. The shattering pain like shards of glass piercing through his heart causing calamity to himself was too much to bear though the butterfly, that flew far far away, was now distant from the pain they endured, living peacefully waiting for him to arrive under the gazebo during spring.

[...]

[jyunshiim]

Broken compass *✬★*☽ ⤷𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘟 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘶

Genre → angst | romance | friends to lovers | lovers to strangers | college!au | uni!au

Contains → implies slight nsfw content

Listen to → Broken compass

Word count → 12.9k

TW → No major TW

Summary:

It’s just the way it is. Fate brought upon such intermittent human emotions, fracturing a person and their bond.. Though it was inevitable. However thoughts dwell on a person over time and slowly sink in, making one question…’If only…’

The warmish rays of the autumn sun beamed gracefully through the towering windows in your spacious cafeteria as you and your friends conversed about your summer and reminisced about the fun you all had. A cushioned booth that seated at least 6 of you was perfect for you and your friends as you leaned back into the booth, knees pressing against the round, creamish table in front of you. Han, Hyunjin and Yeji had been your friends since the age of 16; they’ve seen you at your highs and lows, your best and worst and yet they stayed with you and treated you like someone incredibly special to them. They were the best friends you asked for and they had, without fail, made sure everyone was treated equally with lots of love and adoration. It was staggering to you how you all grew up together and attended the same university too, though it was comforting - despite knowing you wouldn't see them all the time as you would in school - but that was okay. They all took a course suited them best spotlighting their talents; Han took literature with a combined English degree, Hyunjin took fine art with a year abroad and Yeji took graphic design. However, they all pursued something they wanted a career in, something they enjoyed…except for you. You were denied entry for criminology since your grades and entry points did not add up to the requirements so it was Communication that you had to choose because your points aligned with the requirements. The disappointment was spiteful but it was out of your control to change it now.

The ice in your plastic cup brushed up against each other, rattling, as you swirled the watery coffee as you and your dear friends talked about summer and all the things they got up to; Hyunjin opened an Etsy shop, Yeji managed to complete a course during summer to increase her skills to get a job and Han had been relentlessly writing in his charcoal grey notebook with his chewed pen slipped into the spine. The 4 of you spoke together as the ice in your cup melted further before Hyunjin had to leave for his class. “oh yeah you reminded me that I had a class too!” you pounce up grabbing your bag and cup before waddling past Yeji to get out of the booth.

“I finish my classes at 6pm today,” Yeji frowned as she opened her arms to give you a hug.

“oh my god no! that’s so long, you can do it though and if you want us to wait we can,” you offer as she waves her hands gesturing not to.

“We’ll message you later, good luck on your classes!” Han bounces his leg as he waves you and Hyunjin goodbye.

You take a sip of your coffee as you open the large, tan doors to your lecture room before the professor arrives. You take a seat; The theatre was ample with elevated ceilings. It was bigger than you expected but you played it safe and sat close to the front of the room,5 rows up, 3 seats down so it was easier for you to dash out. The faint, bitter, diluted taste of coffee was repulsive since the water weakened the caffeine that you needed for that energy boost for a 9am class. It was completely diluted now and there is no use in drinking it. What a shame you couldn’t finish it before the class. Other people begin to fill up the room although your row remains empty. It was relieving. You gently place your phone on the table and scroll through your social media to kill some time before your professor comes in.

You felt a tap on the table before your head shot up in dismay, your skin going slightly pale since you didn't know a single soul in the class - yet.

He clears his throat. “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here ?” pointing at the seat next to you.

“Oh, yeah-” you realised what you said “OH NO I mean no, sorry,” your ears flared up red but from the corner of your eye the person sat down and put his headphones around his neck. Your eyes scan across the row and there was no one but you and him. Regardless, you embarrassed yourself to the first person who actually spoke to you.

“You seemed a little bit lonely, I hope you don’t mind” He smiled. He seemed incredibly sweet so you let it pass. You unconsciously picked up on certain features like the dimple on the left side of his cheek, his walnut locks perched at his eyebrows and his lips were full and were a pinkish hue like a strawberry bonbon.

“I’m Chan by the way, it’s rude of me not introducing myself and then invading your personal space” he lets out an endearing giggle. Your ears began to burn up again with embarrassment. Did you really give such an aura? your semi dry throat croaks slightly before you clear it again.

“Ah no no, you didn’t.Thank you for the company Chan!” you nervously chuckled as your thumb picks at your cuticle.

The energy you created was tense and you felt nervous but he seemed to be very gentle and calm with you and your nerves. He seemed… really nice.

“and you are?” he attempts to persevere with the conversation. You felt a wave of awkwardness and cringe dissipate through your body before you turned your head to him to respond.

“oh yeah of course i’m [YN]” you nod as you give a polite smile.

“It's very nice to meet you, I hope we can become friends over the course,” his gentle tone sounded sincere and honest, it was comforting and refreshing.

You felt deflated after 2 hours of your first ever class and wanted to head off to the rooftop cafe that looked over the campus, so you latched onto your bag strap and briskly tried to head off alone without any more conversation. “Hey, what other classes are you in?” Chan asks. It was obvious he was starting a conversation with you because he wanted to know you better and of course you couldn’t be open with him just yet. Sharing schedules wouldn’t hurt though?

“Oh, well i’m in seminar class A i think that should be the only different thing on everyone's schedules?” You turn to him leaving a gap in between. He inches closer; “I'm a bit confused about how to know what my class is?” he shows his screen on his phone. You carefully examine his timetable and pinpoint the class he's in.

A deafening silence flooded your mind.

“Oh great! We can always go to class together, if you don’t mind,” he smiles again both his dimples appearing.You nodded your head before he walked around to leave but stopped to turn around; “I hope we can be friends!”

That would be nice.

–

A few months go by. You and Chan became closer since he was the only one in the class that cared about the subject and understood it at the same level as you. You studied together often whenever you had the time and met up outside of campus with him and your other friends. Chan and your friends got along extremely well and he treated each one of them as he would a close friend.

Hyunjin and Yeji organised a small gathering to get to know Chan better.

[Online]

You: I was wondering, why dont we go out sometime?

Chan: that sounds good to me

Yeji: woow this is the first time I heard you say that?! but of course!!

Hyunjin is typing

Hyunjin: Sounds good to me!

You: okie, we can go to the one near my house?

Han: sure thing, 7pm tonight, lets go.

You: that was so straight up but okay lmaoo

Everyone agrees in unison and so that evening you, Chan and your friends were hanging out again. The night felt like a blur to you. A lot happened at once but what you could remember was Chan asking you if you were okay every minute and making sure you didn’t feel too overwhelmed. He didn’t drink a lot, perhaps only two drinks but it seemed to you that he was a heavy weight. Only Chan, You and Yeji were sober, however Han and Hyunjin visited another universe that night…

“Why does my brother have to embarrass me like that!” Yeji whines as Hyunjin anchors her down. Chan helps Yeji put Hyunjin into her car.

“I did not expect him to-”

“be like this? yeah never put him and Han in one room.. a competition every time!” Yeji groans in disappointment. “put the other one in the back as well i’ll take him home too but he’s going to get a slap from me tomorrow!”

You and Chan slip out a laugh in unison before looking at each other, stupefied.

“Well, I’ll be off, Yeji, I’ll see you soon, good luck with those two…” you giggle before waving goodbye.

“Hey, don’t leave without me,” Chan runs after you, the side of his arm brushing against yours slightly.

“Oh, you live this way too?” you ask him slightly staggered that he was walking in the same direction.

“Oh, no I don’t but I am in no way letting you walk alone in the dark,” he shakes his head. You felt his body lean into yours before his hands placed themselves on your shoulders to move you away from the road. It didn't faze you in the moment but it truly did mean a lot.

“Where do you live then?” you ask him, tilting your head to the side.

“I live in a student apartment complex too but it’s not your one, it’s the one that’s opposite the convenience store,” you instantly knew where he was talking about. It was a 10 minute walk from your place so it wasn’t far at all.

The breeze was gentle, gliding through the leaves that rustled above your head as you walked contently next to Chan as he talked about his experiences in his flat - it was not sounding pleasant at all!

“Oh.. that does not sound fun at all I’m so sorry! Just know you can come over anytime just drop me a text and i’ll be down,” you nudge his shoulder playfully instantly becoming bashful.

He chuckles softly, it was the half giggle half chuckle that you found endearing. “thank you, I will keep a note of that. Feel free to ask me out whenever, my flatmates are awful so I wouldn't want to bring you around,” he shakes his head, tsking at the comment he made.

“a-ask out?” you thought to yourself, a sheer wave of panic inundating you. He didn't mean that way.

“Well Chan, if you need an escape I'm always here…” you smile, assuring him some sort of freedom from his flatmates.

What was that? That foreign feeling in your stomach?

“thank you so much, you’re the first person to actually offer that and care about how I feel, thank you,” he looks down smiling in appreciation before he lowers himself to the ground.

“wow, hey are you okay?” you stop your hand before it touches his brunette curls. You inspect to see what he was doing and you feel his fingers on your shoelace. Your body is set into panic.

“Hey! you don’t need to do that,” you squeal in embarrassment.

“hey, listen, it’s fine,” he swats your hand away. You were completely dumbfounded to say the least.

–

The crispness of the air was nostalgic to the days when you were younger, around 9 years old, when you and Yeji used to play in the park together despite your fingers freezing into icicles. You vividly remember when you, Yeji and Hyunjin used to play at the top of the play trail before a young boy climbed up to the top and was startled that there were people there and started crying - that was how you all met Han.November had emerged. The temperature plummeted drastically which was a shock to you yet you felt reminiscent of your youth. The blanket on your lap accumulated warmth as you fiddled with the corner because the soft material was satisfying to touch. You sat at your desk, gazing out of your window on a bleak evening as the sun wanes at the horizon setting to let the entrancing moon set itself directly outside your window, a mighty breeze  perforates the warmth of your bedroom through a crevice at your window since you forgot to close it fully. Your room had the perfect view of the moon, especially when it sat high and mighty beaming its pearly luminescence. Your eyes were almost magnetised to such a simple thing but it felt like home to you since the moon was the only thing that gave you comfort when you were alone.

You reached over to your phone to cure your boredom and decided to message Chan.

You: Hey, what are you doing?

Chan: Nothing right now, my flatmates are burning something in the kitchen and honestly being irritating.

You: Well, you’re free to come over if you want to. I’m only doing some of my assignment

Chan: Oh yeah! If you don’t mind I'll be on my way in like 15… thank you

You were caught by surprise at the instantaneous reply yet you felt gratified that he was keeping you company as well as letting him escape from his flatmates from hell.

20 long minutes go by and you get a text from Chan that he’s downstairs. You take the elevator down and scan your keycards to open the security doors to let him in. “Wow, your place is so much nicer…” he looked around mouth, slightly parted in awe.

You push the ashy grey door to your room revealing a heaven-like scene - to Chan. Everything was a simple white, from your bedding to your blinds to the accessories that decorate your walls. He scans the room; the white, flower fairy lights adorned the headboard of your bed along with the outskirts of the window frame, draping down the sides to create an heavenly atmosphere. Your room was comfortable to him and he instantly felt at home.

“It’s so peaceful here,” he lays on your bed as he turns his head to the window. “Wow, it must be so nice here, you really made this place so homely.” he smiles.

you giggle, “seems to me you’ve made yourself at home,” you say as you push his legs aside so you could sit down too. There was a brief silence as Chan turned his head to look at you with his sleepy eyes, your eyes felt as if they were bolted to him before you shook yourself back.

Chan inhales sharply. “Well I have my laptop too so we can actually be productive because trying to study in my flat is so shit,” he scoffs as he pulls his laptop out of his bag. You follow by standing up and moving to your desk, resting your knees against the desk for comfort.

He leans against the white wall whilst sitting cross legged on your bed. His eyes were fixated on his screen; he was focused and the quiet allowed him to focus. As you sit at your desk, you rummage through the last draw of your desk;

“Hey Chan, did you want a drink and some snacks, I have a few things here,” you grab a few different ones for him to choose.

Chan’s heart was warm and he felt like he met a friend just as genuine as himself, as selfless and caring as himself. It was surreal to him. Everything was starting off strong and you were grateful. Who would’ve thought that you and a mere friend would be studying together with the scintillating orb that gleaming into your bedroom. Everything just felt perfect.

–

The new year is thought to be filled with goals and ambitions that ought to be fulfilled by the end of the year. You thought it was stupid. To you, it meant more deadlines which were incredibly close together from your most difficult units. You and Chan sat at a library, he had an energy drink and you had your coffee next to your laptop, it was very clear that you both would talk all night instead of actually getting any work done. You prod Chan’s hand to attain his attention, his deep brown eyes looking up to focus on yours instead of the screen he had been staring at for the last 35 minutes;

“Chan,” you call his name in a hushed tone. He peeks above his screen and pushes one of his headphones back from his ear. “Yeah? Are you alright, do you need help with anything?” he asked, heedfully listening to what you had to say.

It had been a few months and you wondered why he spent 90% of his time with you. Was it because you were his only friend? It couldn’t be right? He’d always help you with your work and always give his notes to you and wait for you, it didn't matter where or what the weather was. You wondered for a while and thought you’d ask him the question whilst it was just you and him together so you gathered your courage to ask.

“you almost always hang out with me all the time and talk to me and share literally everything with me… why?” it almost sounded like you were putting yourself down and you had to admit a small percentage were the pure insecurities talking. Why did he even like you in the first place?

The question was striking to him. He blinked blankly at you and titled his head, scrunching his forehead as he thought about the question, his lips slightly pouted. “ No reason, I just think you’re nice to hang around, you’re a nice person,” he smiles again. That sickly sweet smile. That’s when you felt it again but this time it was different from the last. The breathlessness, the pains within your chest, the burning ears. It couldn’t be the feeling of embarrassment, it was much more than that.

“Oh right, I was just curious because you always talk to me and message me and wait for me and -” you pause for a moment to see his expression. It was a softish smile, his features so gentle; “slow down, don't worry, you’re just a really really nice person and I enjoy hanging out with you”

You nod at his response. It sounded so simple yet you felt like it had more meaning to it, like an iceberg. You remained silent after his response attempting to process what you were feeling.

“now let's get some work done, we are not good study buddies!” He prods the surface of your hand before your fingers close inwards instinctively.

Your cheeks burn a crimson along with the tips of your ears, panic settling in for no reason. “O-oh um i’ll be back, i’m just going to the bathroom,” you point, nervously breathy laugh escapes your lips before you push the chair back and speed walk to the nearest bathroom.

Your hand lingered over your chest, your forehead forming tiny specks of sweat that would race down your face. This was abnormal. Your heart felt like a rock anchoring you down but you had to compose yourself. you didn't want chan to feel like he was a problem because he really wasn't. He was nothing but sweet and selfless. You inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly and gathered your emotions and walked back out. You hoped Chan didn’t think you left upset or worse, abandoned him.

You walk back to the corner you were both sitting in, your legs feeling like jelly, and sit yourself down in front of him. His thick lips were pouty and a rosy hue, his hair was messy from ruffling it and his eyes were droopy as if he were to drift away whilst he looks down at his notes, hand on head, processing what he wrote but he seemed so gentle at this moment, like a sleepy puppy. Your fingers twitch to move his stray hairs away from his face before his eyes glance at you and you retrieve your fingers. “are you alright? you went away for a while?” He asks with a concerned tone.

“oh dont worry I just felt a bit sick,”

“sick! we should get you home!” he sits up alert.

“Wait, no! not sick… I think I'm just tired. It’s fine Chan don't worry,” you tut, clearing your throat as you sit up straight adjusting your posture.

“we’ll go in an hour from now,”

The remaining time there was awkward yet spending your time with him was enjoyable as if you didn't want that moment to end at all.

–

You were desk bound again because of your assignment deadlines that were close. You rest your elbow on your desk, leaning your head onto your hand as you fidget with a pen tapping it onto the desk. You contemplated the things that happened over the last few weeks for a while. The bedroom was silent, the ticking of the clock getting quieter as your clamorous thoughts engulfed you in that moment. You could hear your heart thumping out of your chest, the sudden feeling of pins and needles in your right leg from the lack of movement. You were overthinking again. The phone pings and the blue screen beams back at you alerting you of a new notification. Could it be the email from your professor or was it him?

Chris: Hey, you haven’t messaged me when you went home, is everything okay? Are you feeling better?

You breathed deeply, your fingers grasping the phone until the little line pops up and starts blinking.

blink

blink

blink

You carefully thought about your response. it shouldn't be too painstakingly cringe, or serious or blunt. Just the regular you. Although you were too aware of your behaviour for you to be somewhat normal.

You: Hey, i’m okay. i think i’m overworking a lot and my head started to hurt don’t worry about me

Chris: Oh okay, just don’t overwork yourself. I can hand you some of my notes if that helps and you can copy them?

Chris: And don't say no because I know you would :/

he read you like an open book, welp.

–

As time went by, your relationship with him was flourishing like a blossom tree on a spring day. Every moment was something new with your new friend and it was enjoyable to be with him. You went out with him, he came over to visit, you spent your breaks with him and he obviously helped you with note-taking. He made sure you were walking away from the road which caught you off guard, his hands gently settling on your shoulders and carefully moving you aside. He drapes his arm over your shoulders as you walk towards your accommodation;  It was only then, when you and Chan were walking back where you really felt something and you realised what it was this whole time, it was like a final awakening and you accepted what this feeling was. You really did like Chan. It wasn’t the typical ‘i like him’, it was a burning passion, a longing for someone so kind and selfless like him, someone who understood you through your highs and lows. Chan was everything you wanted in a person yet you forced yourself to believe it was an unrealistic standard and went along with it. Your heart thumped through your best. You could feel your ears redden from the nerves and coyness.

–

The door to your room slammed against the wooden door frame that had only recently been replaced. Chan crashed onto your bed, his face buried amongst your plushies and pillows, his black cap beside him letting his chestnut locks sit against your ivory pillows. The sun rays beamed in through the blinds that were open enough to let a few rays illuminate your small bedroom. It was getting dark soon. You set your bag on the tan wooden floor although before you could sit on your bed, you had to change. “Chan, I'm just going to change real quick, you can play whatever you want on my laptop,” you point at your laptop as you open the door to the bathroom. You needed some time to get yourself together. You and Chan are just friends. Chan leaned back into your bedding, he felt at ease when he was at your place.

It darkened outside, the resplendent sunset disappearing over the horizon allowing the scintillating stars to adorn the stygian night sky. After you put your things away and hung up your bag behind the door, you jumped into your bed crossing your legs and leaning back into all your plushies and pillows. Chan was closest to the wall, leaning his head against it in a torpid state.

“are you alright?” you prod his shoulder, his head whipping to face you. His resting face was extremely pouty and his eyes seemed droopy from being exhausted. Almost always, Chan seemed sleepy with you but little did you know he was comfortable enough to be in a vulnerable state around you.

“oh yeah, I’m okay don’t worry about it!” He tried to sound somewhat energetic.

You and Chan talked, ate some snacks, talked again and watched a show together before it got too late. Chan teased every now and then by taking something of yours and holding it back, annoying you slightly; “Come on Chan give me my phone back!” you whine

Chan laughs “it’s kinda cute when you’re annoyed,” he says returning your phone.

What did he say?

You and Chan peacefully sit together again, only millimetres apart from each other, the tension in the room rising by the second until Chan sighs deeply.

“oh wow it’s already 12:30!” he leaps out of your bed. “I have to go, I have a meeting with the director of our year tomorrow at 9am”

“oh! i’m so sorry for keeping you for so long, i’ll walk you out,” you hastily lurch out, finding your slippers and a zip up hoodie to keep you covered and warm.

Chan’s smile was only on one side of his face, one of those smiles that you give (or get) when you are appreciative. “Thank you,” his voice was hushed but to you it sounded relaxing. You didn’t want him to leave.

You wave to him as he walks down the tenebrous street alone with his hood up.He exhaled in relief. He felt nervous, bothersome even, causing him to want to tear his hair out. Of course, these were destructive thoughts however they were one of many. He aggressively slapped his cheeks as he tried to shake himself back to what he thought was reality.

You tap away at your phone to message Chan despite him only just leaving. You couldn’t get enough.

YOU: let me know when you get some, it’s really late and dark

CHAN: I will <3

You stare at your phone with your mouth slightly parted. Do guys send hearts like this to anyone? It was too late at night to even ponder about it so you buried your face into your heap of pillows and plushie although something was different. Chan’s scent lingered. A mixture of sandalwood with hints of rose, you didn’t want to get up and stayed laid down on your bed, your cheek pressed against the pillow Chan was laying on as you held your phone on the lowest brightness waiting for him to reply.

Your eyes begin to droop, becoming heavy like rocks were tied to your eyelids before everything went dark. Your phone remained in your hands.

–

Sun rays greeted you as they slipped through the tiny gaps in the blinds gradually awakening you. A small groan passes your lips as you hear the birds chirping to one another, singing their morning song. Your hands pat your mattress in search of your phone; 7:56AM. You could’ve sworn you were waiting for a text from Chan! You shoot up awake, panic stricken, and jumped up from your bed frantically to unlock your phone. There was no message from Chan and you began to get worried, why did you fall asleep without checking if he got home safe! What if he got ambushed or hurt? Thoughts flooded your head until it began to overflow. Your fingertips pushed the hair out of your face despite stubborn strands falling back as you paced the room.

You pause as you see the ‘typing…’ pop up on your chat with him and relief hits you instantly. You

CHAN: Hey, sorry for not messaging you. I got home within an hour of leaving yours and fell asleep really quickly. I can imagine how worried you must be. let's meet on campus? sorry …

He finally responded at 8:10AM. Your anxiety evaporated and you brushed it off for now and calmed yourself down.

However Chan didn't get home within the hour of departing from your home. He took a detour to a small convenience store to buy a simple iced tea and took a stroll down a bridge. He thought to himself, a lot. There are many things a person could think about when it comes to understanding a relationship, whether that may be platonic or romantic. It was a topic that was sensitive to him due to whatever happened in his dismal past thus choosing to ignore it and start afresh. He knew he was insecure and worried of losing your trust or that he might do something to upset you resulting in you not liking him. He felt on edge most of the time though he tried to push it to the side because he knew you were nothing but caring to him although he was worried that he wasn’t up to your expectations. It was a constant battle with himself and he didn't know how to deal with it. He walked the rest of his way home, exhausting himself as you rested peacefully. That's all that mattered to him. Chan is a person that thinks about his actions and the consequences to an extent that is damaging. He is incredibly fearful of doing things wrong or hurting people which explains why he chooses to not have many people in his circle unlike yourself as you rely on your wonderful friends. He couldn't tell exactly what he felt and how to put it into place, so he thought and thought over and over again until it was painful to even think again.

Chan lay in his bed with his towel dried hair and sighed at the ceiling. “leave it until tomorrow,” he said to himself. He unlocked his phone to message you but before he could tap a few letters into the keyboard, he curled up in his bed drifting soundly to sleep.

–

During the first period class, as the lecturer presented the class, Chan nudged you to grasp your attention. Your head turned first and your eyes followed; he seemed a little different today his curls were messier and his cheeks were rosier. You didn't know if your feelings were just making you hallucinate.

“what?” you whispered in a hushed tone.

“ I got you this,” Chan hands you under the theatre room desk. It was your favourite drink from the store you always go to with him, it was surprising he even remembered.

Your demeanour changes. You were excited over such a small thing that he remembered that it made your heart skip a beat.

“What are you going to do now?” Chan asked as you both walked side by side to leave the room.

“I’m not too sure to be honest, is there anything you wanted to do?” you ask him.

Chan thought for a moment. “Have you started the assignment yet? could we start it together?” he did and said anything to spend more time with you.

“you’re eager aren’t you,” you giggle, your cheeks blushing a roseate hue. He couldn’t say how much he wanted to be in your company so these excuses will have to do.

It was always assignments that got you and Chan to be together otherwise there would be no excuse for you guys to hang out. You weren't the most straight forward person and nor was he so beating around the bush was something you both had turns out which began to get frustrating. You and Chan sat next to each other at a table as you assisted each other with the assignment. He had an endearing habit of chewing the top of his pen when he was focused planning and to him, it was endearing that you would do piano taps on the table to keep focused. He made sure he was close to you, shoulders touching, knees touching under the table and faces a couple inches apart. You had to contain yourself, so you started biting your lips due to your nerves. Thoughts raced through your head as you gazed at Chan focused staring back at his notebook. You turned back and felt his knee touch yours, causing you to move your knees together tightly so they didn't hit him again. His company was pleasant.

After an hour or so, you tapped the back of Chan’s hand -

“what’s up?” his face was close to yours and you felt like you could just kiss him right now but you couldn't let your impulsive thoughts take over. You gulp as your eyes trail from his lips back to his hazel brown eyes.

“should we perhaps go now? we’ve been here for a while” you gulp as you try to maintain eye contact with him though the nerves began to creep up slowly but steadily.

“If you want to, let's go,” he closes his notebook and laptop. “do you want to see the sunset with me today, only if you want to of course I understand if you have other things to do,” he scratches the back of his head and lets out a slight nervous chuckle.

Your heart was beating out of its chest that it felt painful but you didnt turn down his invitation. He made a bold move and this was clearly a date! you were relieved that he could ask you out for something other than writing an essay…

“ Of course, that sounds really nice! I’ll go home and get changed and I'll meet you,” you tell him sweetly.

“i’ll come to yours and we can go together,” he smiles as he rests a hand on the side of your arm. Chan actually meant ‘let's go on a date and watch the sunset, i’ll pick you up’ but he didn't try to coerce you into something you didn't want such as going on a ‘date’.

–

You got ready and changed into something a little warmer. You checked your phone and instantly saw Chan’s name on the screen meaning he was waiting for you downstairs. Your hair was tied up today, a long, tan coat draping down your body. You and Chan walk side by side talking about all the intricacies of the world. Just you and him under a setting sun and the potential sight of the moon. Chan took you to a secluded area away where there was a perfect view of the sunset. “this is where I come sometimes when I need a break from everything,” he says as he sits down on the sand, looking out to the sunset looking over the ocean. It was like a small cove looking area that was separated away from the main beach.

The sound of the ocean crashing onto the warm beige sands; the beach was imbued with such serenity within that moment in time. It was later during the evening so people had gone home and it was just you and Chan. The gentle breeze misplaced a strand of your hair sticking to your lips until you felt a finger brush against it attempting to move it away. Within that moment, your eyes locked with his and for a moment you felt the world stop. The waves stopped crashing against the shore and the wind stopped, although that’s what you thought. You could tell from the way he looked at you something in him changed.

“Too close?” his dimples deepen as he smiles at you shyly.

Your cheeks were now visibly red from being incredibly flustered. “o-oh no! no, don't worry” you clear your throat as he continues to smile, furrowing his brows as he gazes endearingly at you.

You and Chan spoke about a plethora of things from dreams and ambitions to your childhood unlocking deep aspects that you haven't told anyone. You felt like it was safe with him, he felt safe to be around. This felt more like a date than hanging out but ‘date’ was never uttered so you thought to keep that idea to yourself except, Chan thought the exact same thing.

–

As you and Chan walk side by side down the promenade, his fingers twitch as you admire the view to your right. He gulped hard before clearing his throat before his fingers slipped between your fingers attaining your attention as you turned your head around instantly. Your cheeks flood a pink, then a red and your eyes widen as if you saw a ghost, turning pale; his fingers tightened and grasped your hand. Your mouth was agape, eyes doe eyed facing Chan as he simply smiled with red ears. He was just as nervous.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he gulps.

You process it for a moment. He’s holding my hand. Chan is holding my hand. He likes me. He actually likes me back. you stop for a moment and you move your hand away from his, now facing him.

“I really like you, I hope it’s not something that would push us apart because I know we’re good friends too and I want us to stay as good friends bu-” You cut Chan off his nervous rambling by laying a soft kiss on his pouty lips. He paused for a moment before he pulled you in and returned the favour. A million fireworks and an army of butterflies set off whilst a heavy weight from your shoulders ascended. Chan moved back slightly, the winsome sparkle in his eyes clasping your heart as his flushed cheeks were a soft rosy pink, you couldn't help but examine his face again and again. Although, to Chan, you were just as entrancing as if you were an angel set free to roam earth. Every inch of you, to him, was like fine china; so dainty and delicate and he knew he wanted nothing but for you to be happy and safe. Anything he did was for you.

From that day, the rose tinted glasses veiled the naive eyes of two new lovers.

Although, it wasn’t official as one would say. Feelings were mutual although there was no step further into the relationship. It was confusing but you knew he liked you back but you waited for the right moment and the right time.

–

You were on campus using the library for some study time since you had some exams approaching. Chan had a meeting prior to meeting you to study as you alway do although this time he was a little later than usual:

You: hey where are you? It's been over an hour. Should I meet you elsewhere?

You: I feel stupid sitting here alone :/

typing..

typing..

Chris Bang: Hey, I'm so sorry. The meeting went over a bit today but if you want we can go and study somewhere else instead of the library.

Chris Bang: the librarian is a bit moody sometimes and doesn't like it when we talk

You: Where were you thinking?

Chris Bang: how about at a coffee shop together, you like coffee right?

You: but you don't! it’s unfair on you

Chris Bang: I’ll get something else dont worry <3

The stupid heart again. Your heart fluttered and melted within seconds of reading his selfless messages. You wondered to yourself if he was truly human because of his genuine kindness and selflessness. You closed your notebook and laptop and slid them into your grey, leather tote that you decorated with keychains that he gifted to you for no reason. One was a pearly keychain with a white, clear puppy charm attached to one side; you saw it when you visited a store together and he instantly bought it for you. However, you were the same when it came to love languages. You bought him a necklace with a tiny bear charm in the centre because he knew how much you loved them so it felt like having you with him all the time. The sentimental gifts were one way to keep a part of him with you and vice versa. You got up from the booth you were sitting at and realised you dropped something. You crouched to grab it from under the table before knocking your head from underneath. You bit your lip to stop any noise leaving your mouth but the back of your head thumped from the collison.

“hey hey, are you alright?” you hear a concerned voice from behind and as your teary eyes meet Chan’s worried face, you feel at ease.

you nod, despite the back of your head hurting slightly. “Let's go before you get hurt again,” he whispered as his hand hovered, waiting for you to grab it. As you stood up, he gently ruffled your hair to tease you a little bit before you winced at him, swatting his hand away. He found it endearing but he knew you didn’t like it all the time so he kept it to a minimum.

Everything felt too good to be true.

–

The weather began to get colder considering it was around mid November now. You could barely  comprehend that summer went by so fast and it pained you to reminisce about it because of how amazing Chan made it for you - not that it usually isn’t but you get the idea. The icy air brushed the tip of your rosy red nose as your hands shovelled deeper into your coat pocket attempting to accumulate some warmth. You glanced to your right to see Chan with his hood over his head, his side profile peering from it. Your sharp inhale caught his attention as he turned his head to you slightly; “you alright?” he asks as he offers his gloves to you from his pocket without a second thought, it’s like he prepared himself.

you nod, “yeah, it’s just really cold and i’m so smart, I didn't bring a scarf with me,” you scoff at yourself.

“hm, maybe you should organise yourself a little more, good thing i’m pretty organised” his honey-like voice distracts you from the fact he removed his scarf from his neck and wrapped it around yours.

“ Wait, stand still for me,” he asks as he carefully secures it, the gentleness causing a tornado to whirl in your stomach. You were bewitched by Chan and his ascendant nature since he wasn’t worried about taking bold steps. You felt comfortable enough around him although your fervid feelings made you feel agitated at times.

You felt agitated because you knew you weren't just friends but you werent dating either so it was confusing. The anxiety consumed you from the inside out even though you knew what he saw you as.

–

The reason Chan kept it this way was simply because he was afraid of commitment and afraid that he would end up alone again. It was his fate to be left isolated from the world and he couldn't help but challenge it. He wanted to make sure that things would go smoothly and that his intrusive thoughts didn't get to him although it was a constant battle against him and himself, attempting to fight for something he really wanted.

–

His scent lingers on his scarf; A light lemon scent combined with a hint of apple, but the slightly sour green kind, with a sprinkle of spice and slight mintiness. During your daze, you and Chan end up at a coffee shop where he leads the way to a sequestered spot near the back of the cafe. “This is my favourite seat,” he says as he places his bag down along with his jacket. Your bag rests against the wooden panelled wall, painted a light beige tone as Chan turns to go to the counter.

“wait, wait for me!” you leave your things and your jacket at the booth.

“hey, it’s fine, I can get the things you si-”  

“nono, let me come with you,” you insisted.

Chan’s heart set free butterflies swarming his stomach when you insisted on joining him. It always happened whenever you would stand by him, brush fingertips on accident, the gentle nudge whenever you look over to his notes or whenever he’s showing you something, whenever he accidentally bumps into you when you suddenly stop walking - a habit of yours you never knew you had. It was the small things that made his heart ache, his stomach flutter and his cheeks burn up by his nerves. You had an impact on him and yet you were left unaware of it.

You and Chan stood side by side waiting to order at the counter. You scan the comprehensive menu that had a million different combinations - maybe a million was an exaggeration. You couldn’t decide between a coffee or a cold pressed juice or perhaps a smoothie? The choices you had were almost impossible to choose from until you turned to Chan to ask for his opinion.

“hey Chan,” you tug at his sleeve, his cheeks blazing red.

“u-uh yeah,” he turns to you, gulping hard.

“Firstly, are you okay, you look really hot?” The choice of words were interesting but you went with it.

“oh yeah, i’m fine! i think the heating in here is on full,” he chuckles nervously.

“ohh yeah, I suppose it is. I was meant to ask, what are you getting?” you point at the menu.

Chan takes a moment to decide. “What do you want?” he asks

“I don't know, that’s why I'm asking you?” You prod his arm.

“oh well choose 2 things,” he says calmly.

“umm I liked the hazelnut latte and the green apple and berry smoothie,” you carefully read the menu.

“Then we’ll get those!” he decides before going to the counter to order without telling you what he wanted. He ordered both the things you wanted and you were left speechless, why was he like this.

During that evening, you both worked on things you had to do for your assignments while sipping on your drinks. “Can I try the smoothie?” you ask Chan. He nods and pushes the tall glass to you. You share the same straw as him, sipping the smoothie; “mm I made a good choice this is really good!” you return the glass with a ring of your lip gloss around the straw. Chan didn’t care. His lips place itself on the straw from where you drank, the rush of nerves and butterflies swarming through his body. To him, you were angelic; the way you spoke to him in a soft tone, whenever you found something funny and gently pushed him or hit his arm he found it extremely endearing. Whenever your head was absorbed into your textbooks or study or the habit you had of having your forehead creased as if you were angry was endearing to him and the way you’d chew the inside of your cheek and had to remind you to stop. All the small things made his heart flutter

–

You and Chan left the café at closing time after spending 90% of the time talking about something unrelated to the topic you were writing about, laughing with him and exchanging looks full of adoration. You never felt happier. You walked together, endlessly talking about a myriad of random things that seemed to be engaging for both you and Chan. It was the small acts of service that would send you into a daze like pulling you in front of him when careless people run by or when your earring got stuck onto his bracelet when he tried to take a leaf out of your hair but was gentle with you. It was the small things you loved so much, your heart physically couldn't take it.

–

As hours passed, the clouds began to appear, heavy, ready to set the torrential rain charging down to  brawl with the concrete and leaves.

“It’s about to give us a rainstorm…” Chan sighs as he looks up before the heavy raindrops descend from the sky. You squeal at the cold drops of water gradually drenching you before you reach out to grab Chan’s hand. Who knew it would rain the day you forgot to bring your umbrella…

“I think we should go home,” you say as you hold his hand to guide him back to your place in the torrential rain. It was rather sweet how during the whole route home, Chan held his jacket over you to try and keep you as dry as possible although it was no use. The rain pounded the ground in rage as the wind roared fiercely; it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

–

The doors to your flat open up and the warmth collides with you like two elements combining; like fire and water. Luckily your accommodation complex was always warm during the winter time. Your hair was dripping in water as well as Chan’s hair too; “oh no, everything is drenched!” You gasp at his hoodie that felt like a soaked sponge, the palms of your hands pressing against his chest examining the saturated attire.

His hands gently wrap around the wrists moving them down, away from the hoodie with a smile full of endearment;  “It’ll dry up soon, don't worry,” he smiles. Even though you both were stuck in bad weather, he managed to make you feel safe and happy first.

<< For Chan, it was the lack of safety he had that made him so unbearingly cautious of you and your safety. He wanted to make sure you were safe and happy with him, it was the least he could do by giving, if he couldn’t receive it in the first place >>

There was an odd feeling in your stomach that evening, something felt like it had shifted and was ought to happen although you brushed it off. It was a typical thing for you to feel when you and Chan were alone together. You felt sorry for him for having to hang out with someone who did the same thing day after day, you felt sorry you didn’t make things interesting despite trying but he didn't seem to mind. He seemed to always be immersed into anything and everything you had to say, do, or show. But why did he keep things as ‘just friends’?

–

It was late. You and Chan hadn’t stayed out for this long since you met and it felt somewhat rebellious, not to anyone in particular but mostly to yourself. It felt like Chan would whisk you away to somewhere so far away, where it would only be you and him. Nothing else in the world would compare to that. You tapped in your keycard to get into your building, Chan closely walking behind you; The sliding doors closed behind you, your footsteps resounding in the hallway as you walked towards the elevator. Your fingers itched but you clenched them tightly, digging your nails into your palms; glancing over to your side, you see Chan with his gentle smile as he tugs at the strings on his drenched hoodie. You press the button. No one was around, not a single student in the building was walking around at this time, considering it was 4:10AM. You press the up button to the elevator and wait for it to descend to the ground floor. “Thank you for tonight, this was the most fun I have ever had,” your voice was hushed and soft only for him to hear. Chan lowered himself to your face; “Thank you for giving me your time and allowing me to take you out for this long” the huskiness was soft and gentle, especially when he was speaking in a softer tone. You both stepped into the elevator and pressed the 6th floor since that was the floor your room was. Once the doors close, you turn to look at Chan; you both exchange a few looks. The energy was tense and you felt like something would happen and it did to your surprise. Chan’s palms cup your jaw as his lips press firmly against yours. It felt desperate, as if he had been holding back for a long time. Your cheeks burn up, your heart races and your forehead forms beads of sweat from the sudden surge of emotions. You froze, not in fear, but in shock. You didn’t know what to do and quite frankly, there was a lot but instead you leaned your body against the metallic wall of the elevator, your hands clenched towards your chest and eyes closed tightly. A million thoughts in a millisecond hasten intensifying your anxiety about everything within that moment. To him, it seemed like it didn’t matter; He parted away from you and let you open your eyes to comprehend what he did. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to shock you like that I just–” he sounded regretful, gulping so harshly as you watched his throat, your eyes gazing back up at him again.

“it’s fine,” you mumbled, trying to gather your thoughts, attempting to fathom his actions.Though from that moment, it did feel a little awkward and your response was worse than anything else you could have said.

You got to your floor and opened your room with your keycard taking off your jacket and throwing it onto the floor because it was still wet, pulling your hair tie out from your hair to let it down. You turn around to Chan who hung his head low, chewing his inner cheek, his solemn expression making his aura grey and dismal.

You clear your throat and take a step towards him.

“You can try again,” you whisper to him, “but please take your wet hoodie off,” You giggle. Chan’s face changes from a sad frown to a confused expression although his face also had relief written all over it. His eyes shot up in confusion and disbelief. “Wait, you didn't mind? you’re not mad?” the franticness of his tone causing Chan to stutter.. you shook your head.

And so, he slipped his hoodie off his body. “Seems like this is wet too…” he tugs at his t-shirt, the mischievous character slipping out within this moment as he starts becoming comfortable.

Without words being exchanged, without any more time being wasted Chan was cupping your face as his lips collided onto yours. The desperation in his bearing conveying to you everything he wanted. His lips brushed against yours like an ocean on an empty shoreline, like the universe paired you guys together like the ocean and the shore, like the moon and the sun; you both already knew you couldn’t live without each other. Chan inches closer to the edge of your bed. You melted into him, the way his lips would trail from your wet lips down to your jaw, to your neck and back to your lips again. You hesitated for a moment as your fingertips hooked under hist-shirt, halting Chan briefly before he eagerly pulled it over his head, casting it to the floor without a care. Living with this hellish anxiety about Chan seemed to dissipate as if he were a celestial being. It felt like you were living in hell with heaven right by your side. Chan’s teeth nip the tender skin on your neck, your gasp alerting him. “are you okay with this?” He asks with a worrisome tone in his voice. You nod your head, your fingers entangled between his locks, your fingertips grazing over his cheeks and lips ever so lightly. He left more kisses, whilst you placed your hands under his shirt holding him closer to you. One thing led to another as impulsive decisions were made between the two but you didn't care. You liked him a lot to the point you would definitely call it love. He loved you more than anything. The intimacy between you and Chan was all that mattered, you wanted nothing more than that.

Chirping birds sang their song at the break of dawn, the gentle sun peeking through the gaps of your blinds. Slowly, you open your eyes to see Chan on the other side of your once vacant bed. His messy locks lay across your pillow before he turns to face you again still soundly asleep and resting. His fingers twitched in his sleep, his eyebrows furrowing as though he saw something unsettling or fearsome. He did it again, his lips frowning in his sleep, was he having a nightmare or bad dream of some sort? You shuffled closer to him, wanting his arms to go around you again and within that instance, his arms held you close. It was a tight grasp however considering his dream, you were someone he needed then.

–

A few months went by labelless again. You and Chan did ‘couple’ things without the official title and you didn’t know why yet you didn't want to instigate a conversation about it in case it caused any problems which you strongly doubted.

You, Chan and your other friends met up again one evening at Yeji and Hyunjin’s house for a gathering the Hwangs organised since it had been a while they invited you around.

“Wow, it’s changed so much since we were kids!” you point at the new decor and wallpaper.

“I remember how we used to joke about pushing you down the stairs,” Han laughs and nudges you. “ah yes how could I forget, YOU were throwing a tantrum because you wanted something from Hyunjin’s room and he said no so that was your first instinct!” you nudge back. Reminiscing about your past with them felt as if you were reliving your past; you turned to Chan and he seemed reserved, sitting on the couch next to you his head hanging low. You duck under to peer at him though his woeful expression worried you slightly. You poke his shoulder and inaudibly mouth ‘are you okay?’. He returns a simple nod.

You and Han teased each other, as best friends do, although Chan felt quite protective of you at that moment and put his arm around you pulling you towards him. It definitely isn't malicious at all although you felt like the others were gawking at you right now.

Yeji leans over and whispers to your ear; “since when?” although you hush her by putting your index finger on your lips.

–

The beaming pearly moon shone over you and Chan as you both walked side by side, hand in hand. “You know, the moon is so pretty isn’t it?” you stop for a moment, admiring the floating orb.

“It really is..” Chan says softly as he gazes lovingly at you. His heart began thumping aggressively out of his chest, his throat becoming dry from being so flustered. You turn to him, your sweet smile releasing an explosion of confetti in his stomach. He couldn't help but smile. He inched closer, only a couple centimetres from your face before setting a soft, gentle kiss on your lips.

Everything felt perfect ~

The following few months stayed the same, just you and Chan visiting each other everyday. He visited your apartment so often, it was as if he lived there. You had so much planned for the future with Chan it was like the universe gifted you a blessing in disguise. Though something so beautiful blossomed, there was a pit in Chan’s stomach he couldn’t get rid of.

Self hatred,regret, insecurity, anxiety. The whole lot came crashing down, ruining his parade of emotions he had been enduring over the last few months. He tried to fight it and ward it off like an evil spirit but it came back, again and again. He didn’t know why he felt so much hate towards himself, constantly beating himself down to the ground when he knew he didn’t do anything wrong. It was all tough up until he had the opportunity to forget everything when he was with you, leaving any self destructive behaviour behind. He felt like he was back on track. His past was something you were unaware of since he kept it hidden and locked away, confined to the depths of his mind. He didn’t know whether he could be there for you all the time not because he didn’t love and care, but because he was so unsure about himself and whether he could handle the tragic effects of his unknown past. He didn’t tell you because he was afraid you’d leave and that would destroy him, being the reason for his demise.

But it takes courage.

Chan stares at his ceiling wondering what to do after seeing you so happy, patiently waiting for an answer that he knew you were waiting for despite not asking him. He pondered how to approach what he wanted to say; over text? too cruel. Over the phone? too cold and heated. Not at all? definitely a devilish thing to do. He knew what he had to do whilst feeling an excruciating tension in his chest whilst thinking about it. He fiddles with the necklace you bought him and reflected on the time he spent with you. The experiences he fulfilled with you. The things he took from you and couldn’t give back in case you regretted everything you did with him. He knew he was building up his walls again due to his past and the corruption that he, himself, endured.

You got a call from Chan on a random evening.You remembered the date clearly.. The blinds were slightly open as the breeze meandered through the slits into your bedroom circulating the small interior. You stood in the middle of your bedroom, with a smile on your face, since Chan called you. Hearing his voice was like medicine to you, it made you feel happier whenever you had a bad day or something of the sort. You tapped the green answer button and raised the phone to your ear as you continued to tidy your bedroom. Your cheeks ached from smiling so much since you missed him every second of every day.

Except, something wasn't right… Your stomach twisted into a knot.

Chan’s voice wasn't elated as it usually is. He didn’t sound happy or sad or excited or anything. He sounded serious, which wasn't like him at all. You clear your throat;

“Hey, are you alright Chan? Are you sick?” you ask him worried if he needed your help.

“hey, no i’m fine..” he pauses, “well kind of i don't know.. I wanted to ask if we could meet?” He asks.

“Of course Chan, i’ve just cleaned my apartment, did you want to come over? you suggested sounding rather fretful.

Chan thought for a while, this was a very important decision. “I can meet you at your place,” he said with slight hesitation.

Chan had been in a situation that had made him feel like he was a burden to anyone that he came into contact with. Despite his overwhelming, undying love for you he felt like it was too much for him to bear. Not you; the idea of eventually disappointing you with the possibility of you leaving him, loathing him, resenting him because of him. Of course he trusted you so much, he could trust you with his life however there was a feeling of guilt, worry, and an amalgamation of other things fused into one emotion. He didn’t want to hurt you and make you feel any bitterness towards him since he knew how much you loved him. He sat in his bedroom a few minutes before the phone call to you wondering what to say and how to say it but it was better said in person. He didn't want you to waste your time on someone that was seen as unreliable except no one understood his feelings like you did. That was the problem. You understood yet he refused to believe there was someone who did, someone made for him, someone who was tied to him with the string of fate.  He ignored everything and went with what he thought was right; Sometimes following the heart is better than your mind..

‘You didn't do anything wrong’ that's all he wanted to tell you but it would sound like excuses. Chan was too close with chaos to the point where fear and chaos resided comfortably in his head slowly eating at his fragmented mind. He felt like he entered an eternal darkness that was difficult to escape, he was truly trapped now.

–

Chan sat next to you, your eyes glinting in the winter sunlight that broke through the blinds. You sat against your headboard smiling at Chan with deep admiration, just as you would usually when you were with him. He gulped before he spoke. “So…” he began with a hefty sigh, “ I don’t think we should become anything more than friends,” he sets it straight and clear slightly choking up on his words.. You stare at him with a blank expression your smile immediately fading to nothing, the words you wanted to say were getting stuck in your throat. It was painful. You wanted to say so much, so many questions yet not one came out and all you could do is stare at him. “I understand if there isn't much to say and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings or lead you on and I know we did things you’ll regret and I took things from you I cannot return…,” he explains, his voice cracking at every moment he felt his heart break. “I understand if you don't want to see me again or hate me but you are so amazing, someone else would do a better job at being good to you,” he spewed absurd words at you that spiralled into your head and made you feel faint and overwhelmed but you listened because you really cared about him.

“you were nothing but amazing and I want you to know that you have done nothing for me to make this decision,” he said. “I don’t think, right now, I’m in the right state to be there for you, to protect you and to love you in the right way. I dont think I’m simply fit enough to be someone that you can be in love with.”

– “I don’t think i’m good enough for you and for whatever reason, I cannot tell you why…”

– “ For you, someday, … I wish I could give you all my love to you but I can’t help the way I feel and it hurts just as much it hurts you.”

He rambles. He lets himself say everything he felt explaining himself from start to finish. You filled your lungs with air and inhaled sharply before deciding to respond to Chan. “I understand,” you say. Nothing more, nothing less. You watched his expression change from somewhat fine to teary-eyed before he snapped and released a waterfall of tears.

“Please understand that everything I did and I said, I meant with my whole heart and I wouldn't change a single thing I endured with you,” he swallowed his words struggling to speak as his tears overthrew him. “you deserve so much more than this.”

“I understand you Chan, please don’t be upset,” you hold yourself back from exploding into tears, your heart cracking every millisecond. You have never, not once, seen Chan in such a vulnerable state, sobbing, eyes puffy and red. “Don’t cry or be upset,” you try to comfort him, brushing his cheeks dry, even though in that moment your heart was shattering into a million pieces, your soul was crushed and everything you ever feared arose from the dead. Your stomach knotted and your throat tightened making it harder for you to share your feelings but all you could do is force him a broken smile.

Chan stood up, drying his eyes and clearing his throat. “We can stay as friends and eventually we’ll be okay, right?” he puts his hands on your shoulders, gazing into your eyes that were already pooling at the sight of him. You nod without a second thought. This was a complicated relationship from the start but you couldn’t blame him. You wanted to kiss him but you couldn’t. He wanted to kiss you but he just explained why he couldn't be with you putting you both in a vulnerable state. Chan didn’t want to give you false hope but he couldn't help it so he pulled you close cupping one side of your tear-stained cheek setting a passionate, hard kiss onto your lips. You melted into him, fusing your fragmented heart with his as your eyes let the teardrops run down your cheek. This wasn’t a goodbye, yet it felt like it since the dynamic of you and Chan has completely changed now. You didn’t blame him, you never would. Once he parted away from you, drying your tears from your face, he took a step back and brushed his hands down his face and took a deep breath; “I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have continued to give you false hope…you shouldn’t have felt anything for me…i’m so sorry”

You shake your head, tears streaming uncontrollably down your cheeks.

“If you don’t feel comfortable at any point of us being friends, let me know okay?” He still cared about you so you wondered how it would all go from now on. “i’ll see you soon…” he tries to break a smile from under all the sorrow. You nod.

The door closes. As it does, you stand against it before sliding down with your hands in your palms sobbing by yourself, your heart aching from the heartbreak you were suffering. You sobbed to yourself for a while until you felt numb. As Chan gets home, he sits on the edge of his bed feeling parts of his heart empty and void. What has he done? He blames himself for hurting you, for being an awful friend, for being an awful person. He hated what he just created, he felt as though he should’ve kept quiet. All he wanted was for you to be happy although he ruined it even more.He grips onto his hair tightly as he lets himself loose, sobbing to himself on the floor. He needed something more to distract but there was nothing. He takes the sleeve of his hoodie to dry his face before lying on his back staring at his ceiling for hours on end.

You both looked at your phones to message each other but it didn’t feel right.

1:23 AM you sit on your bed squeezing a plushie for comfort as you surveyed the luminous, consoling orb that is situated in the centre of the sky outside of your bedroom window. The luminosity comforted you as you stared at it; despite tumultuous emotions and irrepressible tears you coped, the moon felt like a friend that gave you a gentle hug. You already missed the sweetness that you once had between you and Chan, his gentle hugs especially when he nuzzled his head into the nook of your neck or when he held your hands when they were turning a crimson in the bleak winter weather. He cared a lot about you so you didn’t understand why he halted anything from becoming more. ‘we can stay as friends right’ - those words echoed in your head. You knew it would be a lot for you to overcome these feelings but would he do the same? Would it take a long time? You didn't know, although you had all these questions that were left unanswered.

Time went on.

Everything felt unfamiliar when you returned to your classes even though he sat next to you and tried to make you smile. He slid a peach tea next to you before the class started but when your eyes met it was a different story. “Thank you,” you croaked before clearing your throat. You didn't open it but you put it in your bag as you tried to hold your tears back.

“how are you today?” he asked. The audacity of Chan asking that very question when you were left in tears and pain. “fine I guess,” you lied.

“I know you’re not fine, I'm sorry…” he whispered. You wanted to disappear at that moment but you simply shrugged and brushed it off.

The same thing occurred almost everyday until you began to meet your friends more and gradually tried to ignore and get over the harsh emotions you were feeling.

You: Hey

Chan: Hi

You: how are you?

Chan: the same

Chan: you?

You: i’m okay

*you lie again*

Chan: That's good, I'm happy you’re feeling better. I’ve got a part time job for the summer.

You: oh that’s cool! i hope it goes well, all the best

He’s moving on. A part of your heart felt empty almost as if it wasn’t fully healed from everything just yet but it would be easier if he moved on first. It would hurt much less than you leaving him first but Chan thought otherwise. He didn't want to leave the feelings behind first because he fell harder than he should have. Seeing you move on, to him, hurt less since he turned you down first and he felt guilty for it as if he were a villain. There was more than one shattered heart and only one was healing.

September. Autumn.

A new season and a new academic year approaches which also means your birthday was close by. You started to go into your classes later and leave later even though he wasn't in your class anymore since he chose different units. There were very few lectures you did share with him yet he sat at the front alone and it felt awkward to sit with him when there wasn’t much conversation over summer, only a few hey’s and how are you’s. That’s what broke you ever so slightly, you were drifting apart and you could feel the bond tear.

You walk through the campus and you see him walking in the opposing direction and you pretend not to see him because you couldn't face him but he called out your name;

“hey!” he waves at you, a softish smile paints his face as his eyes sparkle as he looks at you. you remembered that smile and how he used to squeeze you tight whilst smiling like that. You stopped for a moment and blankly glared in his direction confused about what he wanted to talk about.

“Happy birthday,” he says softly. He wanted to say ‘I love you’ but he put himself in a situation where it was impossible for you to go back to those feelings when you were ready to move on. He wanted to give you a hug and tell you how much he missed you but he was far gone from the opportunity.

“thank you,” you respond. A simple thank you and a smile. What more could have been said?

You hoped to be loved by him again although it felt far from that now. Despite Chan saying it wasn’t you, it felt like it. It felt like you weren't enough, unloveable and undesirable but the moments you shared with him also proved otherwise so you were conflicted with a myriad of feelings in the moment. You just wanted him to comfort you, to love you, to be yours but none of that was plausible anymore. He’s moved on and so have you, bittersweet yet something you both could learn from; it was just an instance of being the right person at the wrong time. From being someone you thought you’d be close to forever, you both seemed to have turned into strangers instead.

You lied again, you didn’t stay as friends anymore. Time found a way to rupture the bond you had left hanging by a strong and eradicated what was left. You missed him and every moment you spent with him from start to finish and despite the harrowing emotional warfare you met along the way, you missed Chan’s sweetness. His pureness and honesty was something you appreciated since he went above and beyond to make you feel as happy as possible but one wrong idea cast the relationship into ruin.

[jyunshiim]

An update - please read;

Hello everyone!

It has been a while since I have uploaded an au or something of the sort. I have been extremely busy since last year because of my job and university and everything in between however this summer I do have a few new AUs planned!

Some of my AUs will be discontinued purely because I have lost inspiration and feel as though that it’s dragging on for quite a bit. This is mainly affecting ‘Compass; So lost’ and I will leave it at chapter 3 and will not be continuing this series. 

Secondly, it has come to my attention that ‘Catharsis Pt 1′ has been popular and due to suggestion part 2 will be released sometime this upcoming summer so do keep post notification on.

I have a couple other Aus planned for summer too and are currently in the works so thank you to those who do read my aus and enjoy it, it really means a lot.

To stay up to date with me, please feel free to follow my twitter and my instagram accounts! 

instagram: @/JYUNSHIIM

twitter: @/JYUNSHIIM 

Thank you for your patience all and I hope to be back very soon with new AUs. 

- Admin

[jyunshiim]

How long should we wait for the catharsis updates, authornim? The story is so intriguing, to begin with.

aaa omg, i didnt know people would actually be interested!! i’ll try my very best to do a part 2 to Catharsis, a lot is happening irl but do keep notifs on just in case <3

[jyunshiim]

when the moon kisses the sea ⤷ 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘫𝘪𝘯 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

Genre → Slow burn (?) | fluff | Hyunjin! neighbour | friends to lovers |

Contains → fluff 

Listen to →  a duet between the piano and the moon

Word count → 4K

TW → none

Chapters → oneshot

Summary → from observing the moon glaze the ocean from your bedroom window, dancing in the moonlight alone enduring pure the happiness you felt, you notice a new light across from your bedroom. A new face, a new friendship, a new way of living life. 

Authors note → ‘italics with inverted commas’ are for Hyunjin’s speak / thoughts. Bold is for the readers speech / thoughts. Speech marks are used as normal; once characters meet these are no longer in use.

‘You pushed your window out as far as it could go and opened your curtains wide open, your lamp on the dimmest setting to the point where there was no need to even have it on since the moonlight illuminated your bedroom. You leaned against your window ledge and rested your tired head on your palm, gazing into the sea where the moon’s reflection kissed the ripples and waves that rolled onto the pearlescent sand - even thought it was 2:34 am, you could tell the sand was pearly. Your carefree dancing in your bedroom, moving with the wind and the breeze without a care in the world. That was my first impression of you, you were an interesting character I was yet to meet …”

As you heave open your window until it opens as wide as it possibly could, you glance up at the milky orb in the abyss above you. You sigh to yourself; “it’s just you and me against the world, don’t fail me,” you scold the moon jokily. It was a little sad how you’d talk to the moon in your bedroom alone although the moon provided you with the utmost comfort when you had no one. You sit on your window ledge with your black kitten plushie in your lap and a notebook with a pen wedged into the spiral spine. Writing was your passion as well as gaining further knowledge about astronomy - although it was super hard- though people called you a poet since you wrote from deep within your heart. The tides came in gently rolling onto the grains that cloaked the beach; it was quiet. The leaves and trees rustled in the silence though it wasn’t a problem to you since your bedroom was filled with the melodious sounds of music. You liked listening to classical music during the earliest hours of the morning - 2am and later- as you noted down your ideas, feelings and thoughts with swift motions. Luckily, you found some quiet since the construction outside was halted for the night; a new home was being built next to your home and you wondered who would move in. Perhaps an elderly couple who needed a beach view, a family with young, loud children or perhaps a young, newly wed couple. The possibilities were endless. Sometimes you would fall asleep on your window ledge and wake up to the sun scorching the side of your face. The ceiling fan in your bedroom whirred, buzzing in one ear and the bluetooth speaker on a low volume playing one of your favourite orchestral pieces. Your bedroom lamp that sat towering over your paperclips and sticky notes was set to a warm light on a low setting too; your bedroom wasn’t a mess today, only a few things were misplaced like the charging cords on the floor and the dejected childhood teddy, tattered and frayed wedged into a box of ring binders and paper. It didnt bother you, that was your charm - forgetting things and misplacing things but being ever so focused on the one thing you love. That was you. 

Your left cheek was scalding and it was none other than you sleeping against the window again, clutching your kitten plushie and notebook close to your chest. Your door was open ajar again meaning either your sister or your mother walked in to check if you woke up yet. Work. Panic struck, you scurried through your dresser and your clothes to find your work attire - you completely forgot you started at 12:35 today and it was 12pm already. Your notebook and plushie sat looking over the ocean although this time with the ocean lapping slowly onto the shore. You began walking to the bus stop praying you weren’t yelled at by your manager today but to your convenience, a large van blocked your vision to even see the bus come your way. Your groaned in downright distress and held your head in your hand running back to your house to beg your sister for a lift to your work place. Of course with all siblings there’s always a small negotiation and a quarrel; you had to give her some cash in order for her to drop you. A deals a deal but at least you were at home for the fraction of the time.

‘ I told my father the bus stop was a bad place to stop but I couldnt blame him, we couldnt turn because of someone waiting at the bus stop. I can’t blame her either, she seemed so… panicked. It’s true, I felt bad because I was in that moving van but maybe one day i’ll make it up to her. I wondered she worked, cafe perhaps?  A hairdressing assistant? Or maybe a waitress? Whatever she worked as she looked too young to be a lawyer or something so prestigious although it’s not good to judge before hand now is it. Never, i’ll know her better one day, she looked like she was from the same neighbourhood I’m moving into and also looked around my age…’

You sat at the reception of the hairdressers, boredom striking you like a bolt of lighting. It wasn’t very busy today so you waited for time to tick by. “Any new appointments yet Kit?” the manager sighs with a coffee in her hands - how typical of a manager - you shake your head. ‘Kit’ was your nickname at work because you apparently reminded them of a baby fox. Who knew the reason but you thought it was cute. 3pm and you were off to have your lunch break and though it was a late one you were glad to at least move your legs a bit and get something to drink. The door to the coffee shop next door chimes and the barista greets you with a great smile. Iced vanilla latte. You’ve been craving one since you had that one dream that you went to cafe with someone and they bought you a iced vanilla latte. You’ve been getting strange dreams and as you seated yourself at a window seat, you pondered about them. One time you dreamt that you were in a verduous space, a wide path adorned with tall hanging trees that loomed over you. It was chilling indeed - not in a relaxing way - but there was an element of safety within that dream. You looke down to see you hand interlocked with someone and it’s ever so typical of dreams to just blur out that person. Just a smear in your memory, you just couldn’t fully remember who it was though the laugh they gave was hearty and full of pure happiness. You couldn’t forget. But a dream is a dream right? They’re not real. 

Break time is over… back to work you go.

‘The new home was absolutely wonderful. The seascape below was so new to me and hearing it was so calming. It was a new start for me. My bedroom window was wide; a lot of natural lighting and I loved that indeed. The window faced  the ocean to a degree but was right opposite my neighbour. Judging from the sheet curtains and the piano on the opposite side of the bed, they seemed like a girl who loved music perhaps? Possibly even around my age although I cannot judge can I? I’ll meet them some day, if we’re destined to.’ 

Tiresome and fatigued, you drop onto your bed as soon as you get home from work. Your new neighbours were quite strident whilst moving in, hearing boxes being placed, talking, laughter - that laughter. There was one that sounded like the one you dreamt of? Perhaps you were too overly tired since you slept at 4am the night before but who’s to judge you but yourself? There were birds nattering outside on the roof of the new house opposite; as you were watching them, a shadow walked out of the room opposite. You hoped they didnt see you and continued to do what you needed to do and the first on the list was to water the flowers outside in your garden. There was a yapping of a small dog coming from the garden next door and a couple people talking about something, one sounding distressed.

“ Kkami’s ball fell over the fence,” a young male voice spoke out sounding out of breath. Kkami? Kkami must be his dog. You look in your garden to see a red squeaky ball and glance over to the fence, should you just throw it over? It was now in your grasp and the most polite thing would be to return it so you lifted your arm and threw it over. You head a ‘ouch’,  it did not just hit them on the head! You continued to water the plants and your flowers. “Mother, the neighbour threw Kkami’s ball back!” He sounded happier now. You were going to cross paths with him a lot more… a lot more than you thought anyway… 

It was June 14th and your bedroom window was wide open to allow some sort of breeze to glide in. Your curtains were open and you were sitting cross legged on your bed flicking through your book, letting the entire vibe just settle. Ever since you moved to the home you were living in you visited the beach 3 times; once for a beach party with your friends; another time with your family during summer when the sun was practically scalding your skin; the last time was alone although it started to rain which was just plain bad luck. You went to close your window but that’s when the universe decided to change something, an energy shifted. Your eyes locked with a dark brown haired man? No boy! Well, you couldn’t really judge. The sheer shock and fear was quite evident on both of your faces, the male in the house opposite just got out of the shower! Luckily he was just shirtless with his chestnut toned hair stuck to his forehead only just shirtless though. . He broke out into a smile and you simply raised your hand. ‘That was kinda endearing’ You quickly shut your window and darted towards your door. What was that for? Why did you do that! You ask yourself. He was shirtless, what if he thought you were weird! Many thoughts scrambled your poor mind but you tried to not let it bother you, maybe writing ‘I’m sorry for staring at you’ on your window is a good idea! Are you dumb? That’s so strange! Maybe just an ‘I’m sorry’? A simple apology is straightforward and effective. In fact, you just left it and didn’t do anything hoping he’d just simply forget about it and wouldn’t talk of it again.

Your heart thumped out of your chest like it was trying to resuscitate itself back to life. Was that normal? The palpitations were getting oddly frequent. “Do you mind? I’m trying to study here!” you speak to yourself softly before glancing to see your neighbours desk facing your window; he seemed to be doing some type of work too? He looked up and it felt as if the world stopped spinning for a split second for you, the moon began shining brighter and the stars were gleaming harder - just in that second. A simple smile is all he returned. You smiled to yourself and thought that this could be something good and that you could have a new friend like you see in movies. Who knows? You found yourself asleep at your desk at 6:45 AM, your notebook wide open with some ink smeared because you suddenly slept on it. It was the weekend and you had time to sleep in although you had to leave for your job at midday. 12:15 PM, you walk down the stairs humming a melody that you've played on your piano and into the kitchen before you get a glimpse of people in the living room with your mother. “Oh you’re awake! What good timing, these are our new neighbours and their son who’s your age,” your mother smiles as they all turn around to you and there he was. Smiling at you fondly with a single strand of hair lingering at his forehead. “Hi, i’m Hyunjin by the way,” he raised his hand giving a slight wave and a side smile. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you and I don't mean to be rude but I am super late for work right now and I have to go-” you panic before dashing for the door. You dismiss yourself before biting the back of your hand for embarrassing yourself.

“Hey neighbor!” you hear before you walk into your home after your shift. You freeze at your front door and turn around with a painted smile to see it was your neighbour Hyunjin - Dream boy. “Oh hey! How are you?” you ask him. He smiles and points towards your feet; “ you’re stepping on my dog's toy,” he giggles as he bends to pick it up. You never felt more embarrassed. “ We met earlier but we didnt get to talk but it seems like you’re busy and injured,” he points to the back of your hand which you hide behind your back. “Oh yeah sorry about that i’m so busy with uni and work and i barely have time to even talk to my parents so i-” you ramble before he interrupts politely. “ well here’s my number so we can text any time you’re free since we’ll be seeing each other more often,” he smiles before leaving a little note in your free hand and taking his dog’s toy. “Talk later window friend,” he smiles. Friend? Did he just call you friend? Of course he did. That’s Hyunjin.

Hyunjin was a talented dancer and a genius at physics. Surprisingly, he loved philosophy and learning about it since he studied philosophy in his previous university. Hyunjin had a welcoming personality; his strong, passionate and king aura radiating warmth and compassion. An all round nice person to be friends with. 

You sit on your bed cross legged and hold the note and your phone in the other hand, side eyeing the window to see if he was there and then turning your head around since you were certain he wasn’t there. You were wrong. He picks up his phone and points at it before pointing back at you and you shake your head, of course he playfully drags his finger down his face to indicate he was crying. Your roll your eyes and type his number in and message him.

You: what?

HJ: omg you finally messaged me, i just wanna get to know you :D

You: I suppose I didn’t make the best impression on your family earlier did i? 

HJ: no my parents though you were a hard worker, I must say I do agree, do you always sleep on your desk. 

Oh no.. he saw you passed out on your desk from studying til the early hours of the morning.

You: no i don’t, don’t tease me on that!

Minutes pass, hours pass and you and Hyunjin sit at the window talking all night, getting to know each other and becoming closer by sharing things in common. Your eyes match and lock every time there was a sweet exchange of words, the internal giggling you endured  when he teased you in the most winsome ways, the way his fingertips were raking his chestnut locks back and smirking sweetly at you. It felt nice having someone to experience your early hours of the morning with. It seemed like a perfect start to a long term friendship. One thing caught you off guard:

HJ: are you free tomorrow night to hang out? 

It was the fact he asked about tomorrow night and not any other time of the day. Of course without a second thought you replied with a simple ‘sure:)’ and turned off your lights to go to bed. Though the fluttery sensations toyed with you, it was bizzare to you; Inexplicably extraordinary even! Forget it. It’s the nerves talking nothing more.

The following night was blissful; the ocean’s waves softly crashing against the bay of the beach below against the gritty sand which appeared to look like satin spread across for miles. You wait at the window again, watching the evening go by; the elderly couples walking hand in hand across the beach; the puppies experiencing the sand for the first time; the sun finally kissing the ocean goodnight before the moon rose to dance on the motionless ocean. There was a sudden flicker disrupting your train of thought and it was him. Hyunjin. He was searching for his jacket all of a sudden and caught you staring at him. Without fail he smiled at you with great compassion you could almost feel it radiating off his body, gleaming. 

HJ: grab a jacket, it gets colder during the night 

Where on earth were you both off to? You met him outside your front door and he waved at you again. “Seems like the first time we met,” he smiles again, his eyes turning into the crescents you loved to see in the night sky. “In my house or when I was stepping on your dogs toy?” you laugh back. “Hmm the second time seems a lot more memorable, since you didn't even realise you were standing on Kkami’s toy,” his hand rests on your shoulder. “No worries, Kkami forgives you even if you don't know his name.”. You roll your eyes, “come on, you just moved in and now you’re making fun of me?” you poke his arm. “Hmm, friendly banter?” he shrugs and flashes a mischievous smile. He begins to walk and you follow, standing by his side. His complexion was illuminated by the moonlight, highlighting his features; the sharpness of his jaw, the way his lips were naturally a rosey pink. It was interesting how such an angelic person existed with such a vivacious personality balanced out perfectly with the correct amount of introversion. He was like a warm spring’s day and a garden of freshly bloomed flowers dispelling such sweet fragrance. He reminded you of a freshly baked pie left at an open window for cooling. It was hard to explain, though that’s what he made you feel. “How many times have you come down to the beach?” he asked you whilst swaying side to side. “Hmm not many, maybe 3 times in my whole life?” you reply without having a second thought. He gasps. You stopped and looked at him with such confusion tilting your head at him. “Why what? Did I say something wrong?” you look around. “How could you miss out on something like this?” he points at the beach and the ocean. “I can see it from my window, what more could I ask for?” you shrug. He grabs your hand; “hey we are NOT this close yet!” you yelp before he drags you into the sand. The smile on his face lights up right in front of you. He seemed so happy. Genuine happiness. Your heart felt so warm. Though you were not happy about your shoes getting covered in sand that’s for sure. “Hyunjin -” you whine at him meanwhile he excitedly swings his arm around your shoulder. “I never took you for a whiner,” he giggle before looking up at the stars.

“The stars are so bright tonight,” Hyunjin looks up, encapsulated by it’s heavenly beauty. “Are you into astrology and all that?” you ask him shrugging slighting so his arm falls off your shoulders. He didn’t seem to have minded at your gestures, he wanted to respect you as his new friend. “I am, I think the stars have such an interesting meaning don’t you think?” he turns to you, the speckles of light from the stars glossing his umber orbs that were glazed slightly by the pale moonlight. “I don’t know, I never really thought of it much thought the moon seemed to have given me some type of comfort, it’s just so weird,” you pause, “don't worry,” you ridicule yourself. “Well, maybe you might change your mind,” he smiles, pulling the draw strings of his hoodie tighter, “it’s getting colder, maybe we should head home.” he turns around beginning to walk though you stood there watching the ocean lapping onto wet sand. It was unusual; the ocean was pitch black almost hidden, almost like the moon during the day.Perhaps people were like that too? Hidden in the open, ready to be seen though it takes some time to finally be noticed. Those who do notice the true beauty of the moon and the ocean are those who appreciate the small things, notice the small intricacies of what makes these things so valuable. Hyunjin was one of those people who notice the small valuable things in life, it was indeed an admirable quality you saw in him.

“You alright? Are you not cold?” he taps your shoulder. “Oh yeah, let’s go,” you shove your hands into your pockets and stroll alongside him. “That was a nice talk,” he smiles, ear to ear. “It was and I suppose we should do this more often?” you suggest. You never usually suggest things like this so this was a first. Hyunjin’s warm smile felt like a pleasant spring day, a cool fruit tea; “no need to ask, we’re friends now,” he holds out his pinkie finger and you look at it blankly. What’s that supposed to mean? “Make the promise and lock it girl next door,” he inches slightly closer to you. “Alright alright, don’t come any closer then,” and that’s when you made the promise and locked it. 

Never break promises.

Months pass, around 6 months, and you and Hyunjin became very close friends. It was easy to connect with him, he was like a friendly golden retriever. You discovered that he was a very talented dancer and also incredibly intellectual. You saw the way he studied; his eyes scanning his textbooks, the window slightly ajar to let in the breeze, the desk lamp set to a warm and dimmed so it wasn’t too disruptive to any other neighbours. Your stomach churned and twisted like it was making its own dough, abnormal indeed though it started ever since you started to spend more time with Hyunjin. Hyunjin would ask to meet you at the window or ask you to take a stroll down the beach with him. 

Tonight it was warm and pleasant. Hyunjin walked by your side and handed you one of his headphones; “what’s this for?” you ask puzzled as to why he would just hand it to you. “ Music usually helps with silence, sometimes there just isn’t much to say,” - he wasn't wrong and he was very much correct. You willingly took the headphone and placed it to your ear and you were surprised at the music he listened to. Slow yet fulfilling to listen to. “I would have never guessed this is the music you liked?” The subtle smile he gave spoke a million words. Gestures that were deemed irrelevant to you prior to meeting him suddenly meant a lot  like the gentle hand on the shoulder or the way his eyes softly blinked when he was listening to you speak. Speaking from the heart, you had to admit there was steady proliferation of your emotions to him but your stubbornness refused to confess; however today everything seemed to have merged within your path. As you both sat on the sand, hands buried deep within the grains gazing up at the bleak sky that was adorned with speckles of light and glitter, Hyunjin began to speak. 

“Have you ever seen a dolphin in your dreams recently?” it was a strange question to ask nevertheless you responded with something simple. “I haven’t, it’s a weird question to ask,” you couldn't help but smile at his confused expression. “Ahh okay,” he buries his face into his palms “i feel so stupid!” his cheeks visibly going red. “Why is that?” you nudge him. 

Dolphins are a symbol of protection and often signify needing some freedom from tumultuous emotions that an individual has been enduring. Hyunjin was embarrassed to even utter what was on his mind but he had to at some point right? 

Under the pale moonlight that began to beam brightly, it was endearing to see Hyunjins ears blush with a  pink tinge, his face buried between his hands. “Is it weird to say,” he paused for a moment before gathering himself together, “i’ve fallen for you, really hard,” you could hear the pit in his throat as his voice began to sound croaky and hoarse. Everything became muffled; the ocean crashing against the shore, the breeze skimming the sands, your own heartbeat was the only thing that was deafening to you as it thumped out of your chest and into your hands. “Sorry, that was a bit out of line, I- I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” Hyunjin’s voice began to get shakier and that isn’t what you wanted. “NO-” you burst, “I mean, no, not at all,” you couldn’t help but let a smile loose. During that very moment the red threads were tightening meaning that two souls have finally met the way they should have. The sudden silence was abrupt yet soothing and in this moment whatever happened, happened. Hyujin’s hazel irises observed you for a moment before you felt his hand slide up the side of your cheek, his thumb brushing over your cheek thought you didn't move at all and you knew you didn’t want to. 

It was like a rollercoaster that sat at the top before the big drop, you didn’t know what to expect. That’s when your heart stopped for a moment; Hyunjin’ free hand held onto your hand as he leaned into a tender kiss that was burning with passion. You weren’t certain with your feelings until this very moment when you pushed yourself towards him. How did you and the boy next door fall for each other? It was as if fate was on your side for once. For the first time ever, you felt like your feelings have been reciprocated, the way Hyunjin treated you was something almost too heavenly to imagine. “I thought you would react badly...” Hyunjin shyly looked down, but you shake your head and lay a wholesome kiss on his forehead. “of course not, you went with your heart and i’m glad you did because that’s what I love about you, you follow what your heart tells you,” your hand caresses his cheek as he tilts his head into your palm intentionally. A new way of living had just begun. From strangers to neighbours, neighbours to friends and from friends to much much more. 

The moon and the ocean were so close yet so far to which they would only meet at the horizon when the moon would set and the sun would appear. The moon gleamed with rich pale rays of light onto the ocean just like Hyunjin’s enthusiasm and playfulness would compliment your toned down, almost mysterious personality. That’s how Hyunjin described you and himself because the most beautiful moment to witness is when the moon kisses the sea. 

[jyunshiim]

As Dark As A Feather

[Angel!Minhyuk x Angel!Reader]

Pairing: Angel!Minhyuk x angel!reader

Genre(s): supernatural, romance, angst, mystery, fluff.

Contains: cussing/swearing, mentions of blood, supernatural concepts. [No similarities to the actual personality of behaviour of the idol mentioned. ]

Music recommendation(s): Here

Summary: With his illustriously beautiful nature, and whimsically magical personality, the new Angel you’ve managed to meet strikes your heart and seems to have you fawning over the angelic boy. His endearing mannerisms, slightly flirtatious charm and good looks have you flurrying with the feathers of your wings faster than light. Minhyuk seems to always know what to say and when to say it, and you loved spending every moment with him. Two angels, falling in love at such a rapidly euphoric pace, what would this ever entail?

————————-—•••••••••••••—————————

The clouds hang over the sky mighty in their stature; they look fluffy to the touch when in fact they’re rather cool and velvety in nature, as though running your fingers through cold satin. Large tufts of white that slowly drift across the sky for the humans below to gaze at. These dense swirls of white and grey are (unknowingly to humans) home to the Angels.

Angels of course, heard in all sorts of religions, folklore, music, literature etc. All humans had their own interpretation of what these mystical beings looked like. However, one thing they got right was the largely sized luminous and voluminous feathered wings coloured like the clouds they lived on. The only major difference is that their wings were never visible, until they willingly showed them. This is because an angel’s wings are not only their soul and life force, but the sole reason that they are distinct from any other supernatural creature and humans. If anything were to happen to their wings, it would be game over. Thus, most angels keep their wings hidden. Oddly, it makes them just look like strange humans standing on clouds, apart from their pearlescent and heavenly glow (and no…no halos.)

This special trait is often rather endearing in its own respect. Angels typically don’t see each other’s wings unless for training, discipline or inspections or to of course fly. It’s rather endearing and a humongous sign of trust if an Angel shows you their wings outside of the reasons aforementioned. It’s the equivalent of quite literally a human ripping their heart out of themselves for their partner. So it’s often a right of passage for couples up in the cloud kingdom.

Angels spread, love, peace and happiness. They are with humans in distress and help and guide those who need help. Some higher ranked angels can be guardian angels too! As free as it sounds, being an Angel is full of regulations, responsibilities and obligations and rules. As are most things.

You sigh with a disgruntled expression, “You know, I forgot how long the elevator takes.” Your friend opposite deadpans equally exhausted, “You realise I’m on my third human this week, I’m exhausted.” You grimace at the thought, having to deal with one human is already bad enough. What tiresome creatures. “Yikes, sounds rough, man,” you sympathise. “What about you?” She inquires. You murmur leaning your head against the fluffy wall waiting, “I’ve got no humans to deal with at the moment. Just been asked to be on patrol; Seoul this time.” She scoffs playfully, “Ugh, you’re so lucky. You’re always so good, you’re too good at this.”

You release a chuckle whilst folding your arms, “Oh shh, I’m not that good, I just work quick.” Your friend smiles as she hears the ‘ding’ of her elevator, “Give me your luck.” You smile reassuringly, “You’ve got this. Where you going?” “Bangkok, Thailand.” She responds before finally stepping into the elevator and she presses a button. You pout, “See you later, Bangkok is beautiful.” She grins pained almost before waving, “Bye, good luck too. Off to the ground floor.” The doors close.

You consequently hear the ‘ding’ of your own elevator. You peer to see another fellow angel step out and you awkwardly shimmy past into the elevator. Your finger pad presses down on the ground floor (otherwise known as Ground E. Earth.) You feel yourself being dragged down. You see the clouds whizzing upwards past you through the small glass slit leading outside. The blue and white blurring together as your elevator zooms downwards towards your destination.

You’d never been to Seoul before. This was a new destination for you, considering you’ve been so, so many places. You’re nervous but also excited, thrilling in an aspect. You feel the pressure change as you reach closer towards the ground. The air rushes in through the crevices of the elevator. You always had an adrenaline rush before entering into a new adventure down on Earth. You were set to patrol the streets of Seoul for the next three months, after that, finally a break and then back to guiding distressed humans. You were emotionally and mentally drained and so you were thankful for this break from that.

You feel the elevator slow down and the huge skyscrapers and glittering ocean come into view. The blurry images come together to form a beautifully pristine environment of Seoul City, South Korea. It was stunning under the glittering sun. You had thought, it was definitely summer, you could feel the heat deep through the elevator. The elevator gently hovers over the ground. You seemed to have landed in a random alley, nearby the beach as you spot the ocean.

Your ability as an Angel has its perks being able to adapt to any environment and any language almost instantaneously as you walk to read the signs to walk out of the alleyway as your elevator shoots back up to the sky behind you.

You walk out on the promenade of the beach. The glittering ocean glistens back at you. The view was surreal. The beach was full to the brim of humans, sunbathing, playing, building sandcastles, swimming and eating. The energy you were feeling from this place was warm. Just as warm as the rays of sunlight kissing your skin. It made you feel whole and complete. You were glad, people were happy.

Nothing suspicious or malevolent here. As with most pure things, evil is often attracted to it to destroy it. That was your job on patrol to prevent things like that happening, along with the thousands of other probable angels situated here doing the same thing as you. You were bound to meet another one soon enough.

As much as you loved roasting out in the heat, you were much more used to the cool, serene temperature of the clouds up above, not the summer heat. Your eyes scan the area as you feel your body becoming rather sticky and sweaty from the intense summer sun. You wanted to cool down urgently. Your eyes halt at the sign of a small stall and you feel your mouth water at the vast array of trays of the cool, refreshingly icy dessert. Ice cream. Absolutely perfect!

You rush over towards the stall and scan the various flavours. You adored ice cream and you couldn’t hide the excitement across your features even endearing the old lady running the stall making her chuckle. “You like ice cream that much?” You nod with a smile, her aura was pleasant. You choose strawberry in a cone and pay accordingly. It tasted incredibly delicious, the coolest touch to your tongue with a burst of sweet, fruity flavour. It begins to melt over your fingers as you lick your way through the pink dessert. You hoped it wouldn’t melt quicker than you could eat it.

You continue to walk entranced and enamoured by the flavour of the ice cream, battling with the fiery sun above to eat it until you crash into something, or rather another person.

Your ice cream lays on the floor splattered decoratively seeping into the crevices of the sandy concrete glittering under the sun. The cone broken in half. You were unfortunately nowhere near finished. You were wondering if the heat itself was making you hot, or whether you genuinely felt anger surging through your veins right now. You don’t even look up at the person too angry, worried whether you’d snap at the passerby. He’s probably going to walk away anyway.

It takes you by surprise as the stranger suddenly crouches down and you peer up. You feel as though your breath has been stolen from you. Your heart rate soars at the sight of such a beautiful stranger. The cause of your miserable ice cream’s death, was this pretty? If death was this pretty, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad up in the clouds.

“Your ice cream, I’m so sorry! I know this is a terrible crime, in fact heinous. God, I’m so, so sorry.” He stammers still crouched in front of you.

You were gobsmacked in fact at his beauty, he was otherworldly. His orange toned hair stood out amongst the sea of mostly brown and dark coloured hair. His sharp features cut into your heart immediately. In no way was he human, was he!? You splutter, “You-“ You peer down at your sorry excuse for strawberry ice cream. “My ice cream,” You whine.

He frowns, “My bad, I really didn’t mean it. I didn’t see where I was going. I-“ You murmur, “I..It’s fine. I guess I wasn’t looking where I was going either. Too enamoured with my ice cream.” That brings out a chuckle in him and he smiles at you. Your heart flutters, his smile was stunning. He gives you a sloped grin, as he tilts his head, “Your ice cream isn’t gonna be salvaged unfortunately, but hey, let me buy you a new one. Is that alright?”

You murmur standing up with him, “A new one?”“Yeah, on me.” The handsome man smiles scratching the back of his head. You felt the genuine guilt radiating off him. You found it sweet. You weren’t complaining in trying to spend a bit more time with the handsome stranger.

“Alright then. The ice cream stall is back this-“ You begin to point before he interrupts. The male smiles, his eyes forming light crescents, “Oh I know, there’s a dessert place down a few streets, we’re closer to it anyway. It’s much cooler there I promise. Both in terms of temperature and how it looks.” You can’t help but giggle at the pun.

He hums walking beside you. You notice his pearlescent skin and dewy looks. You try and focus in on his aura. You feel something ever so pure, light, an indescribable warmth. Something only an angelic being would give off. Your eyes widen and you murmur peering at him, “Angel?” He pauses, “..Huh?” You ask, “Are you an Angel? Patrol or Guider?” His eyes light up immediately and he stammers, “Oh! Oh my goodness, you’re an Angel too? Thank god.” He looks almost unbelievably relieved to hear so making you chuckle.

“Wow, you’re that relieved? Don’t like humans then?” You tease. He shakes his head, his orange locks bounce. “No, no. That’s not what I meant! I mean, it’s been absolutely hell since I got put on patrol here. I have no idea what to do. I just got thrown here.”

You raise a brow, “I’ve not seen you ever. Are you new?” He nods, “This is my first time doing…uh, what was it patrol. I don’t even know how I’d guide someone. This is all so difficult, humans are so uncooperative too.” You can’t help seeing his frustration, it was endearing. You were exactly the same when you had your first patrol. It was mostly learning from experience.

You smile, “Well you’ve made a friend, now. We can stick together, it’s my first time here in Seoul. I can help you with patrols and get ahold of the ropes and things.” His eyes sparkle in relief and joy, “Thank you so much,” He continues with a playful smirk, “I’m kinda glad I ruined your ice cream now.” You huff, “Hey!” He hums, “Oh yeah, my name’s Minhyuk. Lee Minhyuk.” You nod, “Well Minhyuk, it’s great to meet you, despite it being by accident, my name’s y/n.”

“You really do look like an Angel, believe it or not.” He summasises. Your cheeks feel flustered, “Oh come on now.” His eyes widen, almost in a puppy-like fashion, “No, no really. You do. When I bumped into you, you were so beautiful, honestly.” “Oh hush.” You bashfully reply with a smile.

“We’re almost there.” He hums. You peer at his side profile; almost as if he were a sculpture. His chiselled features, sharp jawline and elegant expression. His piercings decorated his ears with various gold jewellery. Minhyuk was also dressed very lavishly with a very colourful almost tie-dye-esque collared v-shirt with a luxurious looking design and loose trousers. A casual but definitely eye-catching look.

“I know I’m handsome, but I didn't think I’d be the subject of such an intense gaze.” He suddenly faces you catching you off guard. You snap your head to face forwards with your cheeks slowly heating up at being caught. You hear him chuckle as he continues, “As an Angel, your eyes do hold such a lustful gaze, now that’s rather peculiar. Sinful, really.” You roll your eyes whilst clearing your throat, “Now, now, don’t go making assumptions. I was admiring the shoreline. It just happened to be in the direction you are, which is coincidentally my right,” You huff, “I didn’t think you were so self-absorbed, Minhyuk.”

He lets out a loud laugh, “Oh look at you, painting me the villain.” His laugh was uniquely endearing to hear. You wanted to hear more of it. What would it sound like if you made him completely guffaw? His autumnal locks glow under the sunlight and you both talk and chatter as you finally reach the ice cream parlour he so desperately loved.

Your mouth waters once again at the even more vast array of flavours in their metallic tubs with weird, wonderful and quirky names. The coolness of the parlour was ecstasy to your sweat-struck skin. The neon decor across the walls and furniture was indeed gorgeously blinding. Minhyuk was right, this place was so cool!

“Choose a flavour. Any; I’ll pay.” He quirks at you showing you his brown wallet. It had a small teddy keyring on it making you laugh. How cute. His cheeks become a rosy tinge as he places it back into his pockets out of embarrassment. You scan the flavours and once again find strawberry, you also find mint chocolate! “Yes, yes! Mint chocolate. I want that.”

“We can get a dessert bowl, two scoops, chocolates flakes.” He speaks to the worker with a smile. Your eyes widen, “Oh no, no, I don’t need all that, a cone will be fine!” Minhyuk leans against the counter, his arm on the countertop as he tilts his head with a playful grin, “Oh yes you do, we’re getting a bowl for the two of us.” “You like mint chocolate too!?” You yelp, (maybe you have found your soulmate!) He grimaces with a disgusted expression, “No…I don’t really like it, but I can’t judge since I killed your ice cream. However, I’ll be getting strawberry and vanilla to go with it.”

The bowls were cool in the way they were segmented and rather large. The workers beautifully display and present the scoops with toppings. You thank them before you and Minhyuk sit down at a table beside the window which looks out onto the sea, in a small secluded balcony area.

“It’s beautiful, the view here.” He comments with the ocean breeze smoothly whisking into the area, a slight salty aroma. You nod in agreement as you both begin to dig into your deliciously frozen treat. Minhyuk rests his head on the palm of his hand as his earrings dangle and glisten in the light. He ponders with a coy smile, “It’s almost like we’re on a date, don’t you think?” You feel your heart rate shoot up. It really is, sharing a huge bowl, on a table; a whole ice cream date too!

You wave your hand with a flustered expression painting your features, “Oh hush.” He lets out a breathless laugh as he consumes the ice cream, “What? This would be the perfect spot for a date, don’t you think?” You wonder, what life did you previously lead, (did you save a country?) in order to be eating ice cream with someone who looks like a prince. You nod pursing your lips, “Well…I suppose. You have a point.”

He smiles, “So, y/n. I hope this makes up for the ice cream incident then.” You beam back with a giggle, “Oh definitely, more than enough.” He cranes his neck and huffs, “I also hope that we can be friends you know.” You coyly smile, “Mm, I don’t know about that. You just want help with your patrols, don’t you?”

His eyes soften as though you had upset a puppy, “Well, being honest I also want help with my patrols, but also I want a friend, I haven’t made any friends since I became an Angel.” At least he was honest, you found it sweet. You chuckle, “I’m being harsh, don’t worry. I’m not that mean. I'm not just going to dip after eating ice cream, and never see you again.” You see him visibly relax, it makes your heart flutter. His cheeks puff up slightly every time he takes a munch out of his ice cream; it was incredibly adorable.

“Have you got a place to stay?” He inquires. “What about you? How long have you been here?” You ask back curiously. Minhyuk swirls the remainder of his ice cream and he huffs with a playful glare, “You answered my question with another question. Answer mine first.” You smile with an eye roll, “Fine, I do, don’t worry whenever they send me down somewhere they book accommodation somewhere. I just need help finding where it is. It takes me an hour or so using my phone as a nav. Now, you?” He listens to you with a small fold between his brows indicating his focus on your words.

“For me, I’ve been here for the last day or two. I’ve just been told to patrol and do what I’ve been trained to, and if I need help to look for more angels located in the area. I live in an apartment block that I’ve been given.” You nod taking in the information; odd that he’s been set up alone, especially since he’s new. Then again, so were you, when you first started out. Things up there were busy after all. “That’s alright, patrol’s not too bad, and you’ve been through the training, so that’s good. Plus you now have me.” You smile with a reassuring expression. You roll your eyes as you mirror his posture by resting your head onto the palm of your hands, “I think I can handle having to look after an Angel for three months. Out of the kindness of my infinite heart.”

Minhyuk rolls his eyes with a smirk lining his lips, “It’s my pleasure to have such an experienced teacher. I’ll think of it as work experience. Except I’m already employed.” You chuckle, “Yeah. Follow my lead and you’ll be an A-Rank angel in no time.” He waves his fingers teasingly, “Ooh, A-Rank, fancy huh? Never met such an egotistical angel, I thought we were supposed to be humble, Hm?” You grin, “It’s confidence not arrogance.”

“If that’s the case, can I get your number then?” He confidently slides his phone across the table making you get butterflies storming viciously in your stomach. He cooes with his rosy lips, “Can’t have you flying away from me now, angel, can we?”

You raise a brow typing in your number, “Rather flirtatious aren’t you?” “Can’t help it when I’m with you.” He fires back with a golden smile. You groan, “I’m gonna have to put up with this aren't I?” Minhyuk innocently smiles, “Perhaps. I wouldn’t call it a bad thing.” “Yeah, yeah.” You smile bashfully back. Thus, so it began, a beautifully poetic friendship started by the sacrifice of a poor dessert. Who would have thought?

>>>>>

You peer up at the tree with a perplexed expression, “Now how did you get up there, baby?” You can’t help but empathetically cooe at the small ginger cat stuck up the tree. Poor thing, it looked scared stiff. Cats stuck in a tree were a common occurrence you dealt with on all your previous patrols; curious little things. You fold your arms ready to summon the cat down.

You suddenly feel a presence behind you making you freeze. His face swings into your peripheral vision and he gives you a cheerful smile and a mini wave, “Hey.” “Don’t do that, you scared me.” You sigh in relief.

“Cat up the tree?” He asks peering up at the branches above. You nod, “Poor thing refuses to come down. I have no choice to summon it down. Might feel a bit delirious afterwards, so I tend not to.”

Minhyuk tilts his head with a cute grin before placing two upside down peace signs atop his orange locks; he was mimicking cat ears. “It’s a mini me, don’t you think?” Your heart was about to explode. That was adorable! Your mouth twitches trying to hold back a wide smile. The ginger cat indeed did look a bit like Minhyuk in its own way.

“Let’s get it down. You finished your rounds?” He hums, “Yeah.” His brow raises, “Won’t come down no matter what, huh?” You huff, “Yeah, must be terrified.” A sly smile settles onto his lips and his fingers trace the bark of the tree, “Maybe doesn’t like you.” You scoff, “All cats like me. How could they not?” His sly smile morphs into a smirk, “Oh is that so? Why not this one then?” You have a keen expression, “Okay then, you save it.”

The small cat meows timidly with its ears flickering at the sound of you both talking. Minhyuk traces his fingers up the bark with a smirk that you could only be described as dripping in arrogance, and you didn’t like the way it made you feel like there were a thousand butterflies swarming inside you right now.

“Come down. I won’t hurt you, I promise, tch, come on. You can do it. Slowly.” He cooes in a soft and timid tone. He reaches his hand out. You scoff with a smirk, “As if I haven’t…” You fade before finishing your sentence as you see the cat begin to anxiously get up and slowly hop down the branches and down into Minhyuk’s arms as though nothing had ever happened. You can do nothing but gawk. The cat purrs in his arms happily content and rubbing up against his chest leaving fur behind.

Minhyuk peers back up at you, his eyes glistening with achievement and confidence. His lips curl into a smirk, “Oh, what were you say-“ “Shut up.” You snap playfully. The cat meows ever so happily. “How did you do that?” You ask genuinely confused. He responds with a grin and arched brow, “All cats like me…how could they not?”

You glare, “So funny aren’t you?” A wink is what you get in response before he places the cat down, “Run off home, kitty. Stay safe. No more trees.” The cat contently jogs off down the pavement to your shock.

So many bad things were happening at such frequency, who knew Seoul had such mischief being caused? No wonder you were dispatched, you’ve definitely been kept busy.

“So what are you, a cat whisperer?” You snark. He walks beside you lightly brushing against your arm and his autumnal locks of hair fall over his umber irises, “Nah, not a cat whisperer, just good with words. Good vibes.” You huff, “So you’re saying I’m neither of those.” He lets out a laugh, “Nope, you’re both but I’m better.” His gaze is somewhat sultry as he peers down at you and you playfully shove him, “What you looking at?” Minhyuk hums, placing his hands into his pockets, “You.”

There are those butterflies, they feel like whole birds now. God…what were you doing?

You murmur, “Me? Nothing special about me.” It had been around three weeks since you and Minhyuk had first met. You couldn’t believe how fast time had gone. He’d go off and patrol or you’d both patrol together sometimes. It was unbelievably so much more fun than doing patrol by yourself, like you had usually done. You always preferred working alone, it felt more efficient. You didn’t expect Minhyuk to get to grips with his duties so quickly and do them so well either. A talented angel that’s for sure.

“Lots of special things about you,” He echoes back, “List goes on.” You chide, “Oh, you and your flattery.” Minhyuk tousles hair hair away from his eyes, “I’m being serious, from what I’ve seen of you, nothing negative. All good things.” You smile feeling bashful, “Thanks.” He retorts with a flirtatious wink, “I always speak the truth.” You raise a brow, “Do you?” He stops and leans his face closer to yours making your heart palpitate faster. “The beautiful lies I’d come up for you, just so that I’d see you happy.” He pouts, “But I can't, angels can’t lie.”

You giggle, feeling your entire heart being set on fire. You murmur, “You have a way with words, I can’t describe it.” His lips lower to your ear, “Leave the describing to me. I’ll talk to your heart's content.” You smirk, “You’d talk either way, with or without me.” He gives you a chuckle, “That is…in fact true as well.” You query, “Boba?” Minhyuk frantically nods, “Don’t even need to ask.”

You feel as though you lose yourself with him. You felt so understood, complete with him. A sense of euphoria you hadn’t felt with anyone else. Even thinking about him made you feel all fuzzy, fluttery inside. Was this love? Was this what it was like? You hadn’t really ever experienced it much, if at all. No, you weren’t going to fall this easily. Come on, now.

Minhyuk hands you your boba to which you receive overjoyed. He breathlessly laughs at your excitement. “Finally, got my boba for the week.” You sigh. Minhyuk shakes his head with a smile, “You and your boba, I swear.”

You mimick a hush gesture placing your index finger on your lips, “Shush, what’s that? It’s heaven’s call for you to shut up.” He cackles, throwing his head back in laughter. Your eyes widen, you haven’t heard his laugh this hard, it was endearing. You can’t help begin to snicker at yourself, “What?”

“Anyway, god, I haven’t laughed like that in awhile, there’s a fayre set up in Gangnam, you’ve got some extra money?, if not, I do.” You nod with a smile, ah yes, you were going to the fayre with Minhyuk this evening. You were unbelievably excited. Night fayres had their own unique brightly lit beauty to them. You both make your way to the fayre.

You finish off your bobas and begin to walk around the brightly coloured fayre. All the lights shine brighter in the darkness of the night, everything seemed more fast-paced, blurred, so liberating. You loved it so much. You both walk past a child holding a purple heart shaped balloon; before you can make it past however you hear a ‘pop.’ Oh no.

You spin around to see the popped balloon on the floor. It popped so suddenly. Minhyuk frowns, “Oh no, the poor kid.” You walk over, “Hey, hey.” The kid and their mother look distressed. The child’s eyes glaze over and their lips tremble. Minhyuk takes the child’s hand, “Oh your balloon popped, I’m so sorry.” The child snatches his hand away with a glare, hiding behind his mother. She awkwardly chuckles, “It’s alright, he’s very shy.”

You smile, “We can get him another balloon.” She wavers, “Oh no, no I couldn’t possibly, I don’t want to interrupt your..uh date?-“ “No trouble, plus-“ You begin stammering. “Plus, my girlfriend here adores balloons, I’ll get one for her too.” Minhyuk steps in with a grin. You splutter, “…Girlfriend? Balloon..?” He gives you a charming smirk, “Come on. Let’s win two balloons.” You walk shocked over to the stall. Did he just..?

“We’re not dating.” You stammer beside him. He peers at you whilst he holds the water gun aiming for the neon targets, his lips curling into a coy smile, “We could be though.” Your heart soars up to the sky.

Ding. Ding. Ding. Multiple sounds of success as he accurately hits the targets to the keeper’s surprise. How was he so good? He wins one balloon to which you pout looking at your missed shots, “You’re making me look bad.”

He raises a brow with a charming smirk, “How about this? May I?” Minhyuk stands behind you as you nod. His hands overlap yours as you hold the water gun and his head is right beside your own hovering over your right shoulder. He murmurs, “I’ll help you aim.” You can feel Minhyuk’s breath fan beside you along with the heat of his chest pressing against your back and arms. “Ready?” Minhyuk has a smirk lining his lips, the one that had been ingrained into your mind.

Ding. Ding. Ding! Another win. “You did it.” He smiles with glittering eyes. You shake your head shyly, “No way, that was you.” You realise you’re still holding his hand and you let go flustered. He shakes his head, “Oh hush, now choose a balloon prize.” You scan the wonderful balloons bouncing and hovering on display and your eyes land on a large teddy bear; it reminds you of the little teddy keyring that Minhyuk had on his wallet. You let out a giggle before pointing to it.

Thus, you both walk beside each other as your left hand holds an oversized metallic teddy balloon which bounces whimsically in the wind. “Thank you, Minhyuk.”

As you walk you notice a person dropped their ice lolly making you smile in memory, Minhyuk buys them a new lolly. As angels it was your job after all? Someone rushes past you crying and you frown. You sense a break up. “There’s a lot of negativity nowadays. I’m concerned.” Minhyuk comments with a confused expression. You nod in agreement, “Yeah; this is higher frequency than expected.” Minhyuk’s eyes widen in panic, “Do you think there's demons in the area?” You whisper, “Careful. We can never tell where they are. Let’s just do our job. Our job is not to tackle demons, we’re merely on patrol, okay?” He nods with a frown and you place a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, don’t get too worked up, okay?”

Minhyuk clears his throat, “The Ferris wheel’s queue is shorter, do you wanna go on it together? We can see the skyscrapers of Seoul from there apparently.” You nod excitedly. You both wait in the queue patiently chattering and jittering and you finally get in. “To prevent it from flying away.” He takes your wrist and the balloon’s string tying it around your wrist delicately.

A slow ascend round and round begins. Indeed as he said, you can see the glimmering and glittery skyline. It was indescribably gorgeous along with the gentle but cool breeze up that high. You peer at him and notice he’s gone quiet, not admiring the view. “Minhyuk?” “Hm?” He answers in a quiet tone. “You okay?” You question softly.

“Uh..I forgot to say…I don’t like heights,” He murmurs almost not even above a whisper. Your heart pangs. “Oh Minhyuk? Why? Why did you want to come on here?” He suddenly faces you, your eyes meet. Your blown away by his features glowing under the lights of the Ferris wheel and bouncing strands of hair; he looked ethereal. “I know you wanted to go on here.”

You feel your heart melting into a sappy puddle. He went on here for you? “My goodness, Minhyuk. You didn’t have to, I care about you more than a ride. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” You tentatively say as you place a comforting hand atop his. His eyes widen at your gesture and you internally panic; did you cross the line? Before you can remove your hand he takes your hand into both his and squeezes it. “T-Thanks.”

Your brows furrow, you’ve never met an Angel who’s scared of heights. It seems kind of ironic? Angels aren’t really meant to be afraid of heights. Then again you can’t speak for everyone. You murmur, “Minhyuk, if you’re scared of heights, how do you..I mean didn’t you get sent down? The clouds are up high?” He chuckles nervously, “I know, it’s dumb. It’s really dumb. I just..I don’t know. It’s not bad when I’m up there, all you can see is the clouds, and you can’t see down, you know? I can handle small heights, like balconies, just fine.”

You nod with a sympathetic expression, “That’s fair and no, it’s not dumb at all. What about…” You begin, it was a sensitive subject you were about to touch after all, “What about your wings? Have-Have you used them at all? Are you okay with flying?” Minhyuk clears his throat, “I have. I just..I’m not very good. Uh, yeah. Sorry, this probably makes me sound so useless. What angel is afraid to use his wings?” He laughs sardonically.

You squeeze his hands reassuringly with a comforting smile on your lips, “You’ll get there. Being scared of things is never dumb. Me knowing this doesn’t make you any less of an Angel. In fact even coming up on this Ferris wheel is a big accomplishment; I’m proud of you, Minhyuk.” His lips tremble and his eyes glimmer as he gives you a heartfelt smile, “Thanks. A lot.”

A large groan emits from the wheel and a small shake ruining the moment. Minhyuk yelps, clutching onto your sleeve. Your eyes widen, what was happening? Just as you were about to reach the top of your second rotation, the ride halts suddenly. Luckily you weren’t right at the top of the wheel. “Shit-!” You snap your head to face Minhyuk as you scold him, “Minhyuk! Language-!” “I know, I know I'm sorry!” He whines.

It’s not that Angels can’t physically swear, oh yes, they definitely could use colourful vocabulary, it’s just it causes consequences when they do. Minhyuk clutches his chest in a burning pain as his heart burns for a few seconds. You chide with a worried expression, “God, Minhyuk, what am I going to do with you?”

“Is the wheel stuck?” He grimaces, recovering from the flash of pain. You nod as you hear the operator below with a megaphone: “We’re trying to solve the problem! Very big apologies, please remain seated and calm. It seems to be a sudden fault.”

You think, what went wrong? Minhyuk hisses, clinging to you like a puppy, “Just wait till I get my hands on those demons.” You shake your head laughing, “You won’t be getting your hands anywhere. But you’re right, I think Seoul is going through a dark monsoon.” He grits his teeth, “Great. Great.”

[Dark Monsoon: A period of time defined by negative energy, mischief and violence, in which demons create, and maintain disharmony.]

“Get comfy, we’re stuck up here,” You laugh, “It’s like a movie. Cliché right?” Minhyuk seems to nod with a grimace, “Not so romantic when you’re up in the air, terrified.” You chuckle, “They’ll get us down, don’t worry. We can talk in the meantime, look at me. Don’t look down.” He does so. You notice him relax a bit when he meets your eyes.

You hum, “Minhyuk, wanna have a deep conversation?” His lips quirk up amused, “Who just asks that?” You huff, “I do.” “Okay then,” he answers with a chuckle. “Mm..do you like being an Angel?” His eyes glitter, “Of course, I love helping people. I wouldn’t have met you if I wasn’t. How about you?” Your heart pangs. You respond, “I do too, sometimes I look at these humans living their lives, dedicating their lives to one individual, it’s so…it’s so romantic. I wish, sometimes I could do that. It’s always about working up in the clouds. We don’t die either, so…yeah, I think that makes us less grateful you know?”

He nods, “I haven’t been an Angel for long, but I’ve noticed that,” he continues with a soft smile, “I also notice that you’re a sucker for hopeless romance.” You emit a flushed expression, “Shut up, I know I’m a hopeless romantic. What’s wrong with wishing for love like that?” “I never said there was anything wrong.” He smiles as he peers down at your hands, still connected and intertwined with each other. “I think it’s admirable. In a world as harsh as this, to wish for such pure love, shows your character.” You gaze at him, “Have you ever been in love?” His eyes suddenly darken and he clears his throat, “Uh..” You figured that was a ‘yes.’

“Yeah, I have. It didn’t end well. It ruined my picture of love if I’m being honest. Shattered it.” He answers harshly; with a hurt expression. “I had aspirations like yours, I wanted a love so pure and passionate, but it never came to fruition. I found the truth behind the world.” Your heart hurts hearing him. What did he go through whilst training?

“You think you love someone, only to realise they lied to your face the entire time and used you to see your downfall.” Minhyuk peers at you. A slightly hurt expression on his face but a pained smile. You have the urge to cup his cheek, tell him it’s okay. Tell him that he won’t be hurt again. “Minhyuk I-“ The Ferris wheel groans and creaks and starts moving again putting an end to the painful conversation. You think it’s best not to pry further. You descend to the ground in a comfortable silence, hand in hand.

••••

Minhyuk watches you help the kid get her ball out of the bush. He leans against the brick wall with folded arms, the wind brushes against his arms. It had been now what, a month and half, no it was going to be two months since he met you. His lips curl into a satisfied smirk as he watches you cooe and play with the young girl as you finally fetch the ball out of the bush successfully.

How endearing, how pure. Joyous. The epitome of what an Angel should aspire to be. His fingers delicately whisk in the air with a subtle motion and the petals of the yellow flowery trees begin to rain down upon the two on his command. The scenery was magical. The child excitedly screams and he watches you giggle and laugh with the child. You wave ever so happily at him from afar and he casually gives you a wave.

So innocent, the energy was so deliciously pure. Interesting really, with the Dark Monsoon reigning over Seoul for the last month or so, so many things have been happening, so little time to tackle them all. Must be giving the Angels a run for their money. His lips curl in a smirk peering up at the sky; the clouds. A place he would never be able to set foot ever again.

He hums, why haven’t you noticed? How naive. When you’d go back up to the clouds for your weekly report. You never went together. It’s pitiable really. It’s funny almost how so many things seem to go wrong when you’d both walk together. Minhyuk couldn’t help it, he had to. He takes a gaze at his own fingers with a haunting smile - these fingers were the cause of so much destruction. Destruction and pain he was ever so proud of. Not even an ounce of remorse within his bones.

Minhyuk laughs to himself. You were so endearing, so preciously naive. As most angels were; you weren’t the first after all. It never occurred to you, how quickly he finished his “patrols,” or how he just seemed to be so good at everything on the first try. Oh, how you fell right into his trap ever since you first met.

The way his eyes locked onto you; he could straight away you were an Angel, you had that annoyingly unearthly glow, or holy should he say. Of course he had to knock your ice cream down, what a precious way to begin a lovely and wholesome friendship.

“Minhyuk, lower your head down a bit.” His thoughts are broken as you suddenly approach him beaming. His heart pangs. The look on your face was one that was full of adoration…love. A warmth spreads through his black heart. ‘Ignore it. Ignore it’. That’s not what he’s here for. Never again.

“The kid’s so happy, I’m so glad. She’s adorable. You should have played with us! And here I made a flower crown. It’s small but it’s fine.” You yelp cheerfully. He lowers his head allowing her to place the weakly crafted yellow flower crown. She lets out a, “Awh, you look so cute with it! I love it, it suits you so much!”

How happy you look, that glimmering smile, he observes. Oh you idiot, anyone in this world can tell you’re in love. You’re so deeply in love with him. He could tell how passionately you were falling for him. You loved every bit of him, all the moments you shared and he knew it. He knew you craved romance. That’s what he came here for. To break your heart and take your wings. That’s all he was made for after all.

Then why…then why was he not hurrying things along? Why was he taking his time with this? He doesn’t remember being this slow. He doesn’t remember putting this much effort on an Angel.

“Minhyuk, Minhyuk! You’re coming over right? I baked a cake yesterday evening. I know you like chocolate, so I made a dark forest cake. I spent ages on it.” You chirp walking beside him. He stammers, “Oh? Oh really? You didn’t have to do all that.”

Most people didn’t do that for him. Most people didn’t put in this much effort back. Why were you? He didn’t like it. It made him start to feel weird. “Your birthday is coming up soon, so don’t worry you’ll be getting more cake soon.” You quirk with a wink. His heart oddly flutters, he never wanted to feel his heart flutter ever again. He promised himself he’d never fall for anyone again. Not after that time.

Minhyuk looks down at his hand brushing against yours as you both walk. He craved to hold it. Fuck it; he takes your hand with his causing you to flinch in surprise. Your wide-eyed expression was something he almost felt as though it was addicting.

For the last week or so, his emotions have been a rollercoaster tumble of ups and downs. He’s been slacking. He should have confessed to you by now and gotten ready to tear your world apart. Then…then why wasn’t he doing it? Why the fuck was HE the one asking to meet up? Why was HE spending so much money on you? Why wasn’t he wrapping you around his finger faster? What the fuck was wrong with him?

He’s done this plenty of times before. What was so wrong with him this time. Why was…why was he acting like his pathetic old self? His past weak self, that shrivelled at the thought of pure love, craved it so desperately and fell so hard to the point of no return. His heart enraptured into black flames of betrayal, malice and sinister greed.

A sickly feeling of reminiscence crawls up his body in a vicious hold making it hard for him to breathe. A memory that weighted so much agony, the memory that caused him to become the monster he is today. “Minhyuk?” You call out noticing how pale and blank-faced he’s become. His breathing becomes uneven. “Minhyuk?” You call out again panicked. “Minhyuk?” He hears. His eyes close tightly. This time not hearing your voice, but the voice he despised hearing, the voice that was the epitome of monstrosity. The Devil herself. The thorny memories stab his noir heart, as they flood back.

Icy fingers slid up his cheek as he kneeled broken on the dark, cold ground. Blood ran down his hands seeping through the back of his white shirt. Her other hand with nails painted with blood, sharp as a blade held a feather. One of his feathers. The pure white feather slowly faded darker and darker, becoming black.

Her cold, merciless voice cuts through the silence with a tone dripping with malice, sadistic enjoyment at his shattered nature. “Oh dear, my hand slipped, baby. I’m so, so sorry.” Another laugh.

Minhyuk’s wings were widely spread out. She had ripped out a single feather from the wings he trusted her so much to show. That was all it took for his stunning fan of snowy wings to become stained with the darkness of night. Wings of the Devil. A Fallen Angel. That’s what he was.

Her cruel sneer, he’d never realised it then. He mistook that for an affectionate smile. He mistook the hand on his cheek for an act of true love. “Oh my dear, did you really think I loved you? Oh poor thing.” Pity. Unfathomable fake pity. He despised it. Why did he fall in love?

“My pretty angel, you were drawn to me like a moth to a flame, it was only natural for this tragic ending. After all, the moth's wings will begin to turn to ashes if you touch the flame. If only you’d paid more attention.” She let out an unhinged cackle with a crazed gaze, her nails digging into his cheek, “Minhyuk, what do you feel? Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel angry? You do, right? Don’t you want to rip my heart out. That’s how you kill demons, that’s what you’re taught up in the clouds aren’t you, my sweet Angel. Do it. Take your revenge.” Another sickly laugh.

Revenge. Blinded, searing anger. Blood pooled around his knees and feet. His white shirt then dyed dark red. Unhinged vengeance painted his mind, his features. He wanted to rip her heart out so bad. His hands trembled unforgettably. She used him.

She cooes; her eyes menacingly red, horns that he never saw before, “You saw what you wanted. I gave you what you wanted, Minhyuk. Are you ready to paint the world red? Are you ready to inflict the pain you feel on everyone?” Her slender fingers brush through his now ink-stained feathers, “My fallen Angel, this will be our parting, how beautiful.”

He gritted his teeth. How painfully cruel. He peered up with now darkened, soiled eyes, glittering with tears. He placed his hand atop her, “You didn’t have t-to do this. We can still…” Still what? He thought. She tore apart everything. He hissed, “I won’t work for you. I…”

She smirks with a dark sneer morphing, “My dear, I don’t care if you do or not. It’s not like you have a home to go back to.” She laughed with no remorse. “You can’t ever set foot into the clouds again.” She coldly hissed. His heart shattered. Her tone turns sweet, “Down in Hell you’ll be. You’ll come crawling back. Not like you have a choice.”

She cooed, removing her hand, “My dear, you’re a monster now. You’ll only inflict suffering.” He was broken beyond repair. Oh, how he fell in love to only fall into despair. She murmured, stepping back, “I told you back then, I’d destroy the entire world for you. So I did, I destroyed your world.”

That was the moment this tragic tale started. She crushed the feather beneath her foot in front of him. His tears glisten in the darkness like diamonds. From then on, this was his life.

It goes white.

————

His eyes open and the light flushes in making him squint. A groan releases from his lips as he sits up, it feels like ages. He once again feels the wind brush his face and he notices a few people gathered around him. Minhyuk peers up and notices you tear-stained and sniffling. You gasp noticing he’s awake, “Oh my god! Minhyuk! You’re awake! You’re awake.”

He was still on the street but on the ground. He must have collapsed. The memory was painful to the point he must have been overwhelmed. His heart darkly beats in his chest. Minhyuk had to get this over with. He was falling for you.

You peer at him; your heart aching despairingly. You hated seeing him like this. He suddenly blanked out and fainted in front of you into the pavement; you were thankful his hard hit to the ground didn’t cause any injuries. You jump forward taking his face into your hands, “I’m so, so glad. You’re okay? You’re okay right?” His eyes widen and see his brown irises swirling with so many emotions. What happened?

You peer around at the people, “Thank you, it’s okay, I can take it from here though.” They all nod and slowly disperse. You wrap your arm around his as you help him up from the ground. “God, you worried me so much? Have you been eating your meals regularly? Drinking water? Anything on your mind, you know you can always talk to me Minhyuk?”

He suddenly starts laughing; it’s a laugh that puts you off. Minhyuk removes your hand off his arm before taking a large intake of breath. “I’m fine. Really. I just. I just had a bad headache, I must be overworking myself.” Your brows scrunch together concerned, “You can go back up to the clouds and request for a break, I’ll come with you-“ “NO!” He suddenly yells, stepping back. You freeze; you can’t be mad at him. He must be experiencing shock right now. You had to take it slow.

He runs a hand through his hair, “It’s fine, really. I appreciate it. I never wanted you to worry.” You frown, “Of course I’d care about you, why wouldn’t I?” He nods slowly, “Right. Of course. Sorry, I’m, yeah, it’s my head. Pounding.”’ His words are slightly disjointed. “Let’s get you home. You need rest.” You smile comfortingly. Minhyuk nods with a solemn expression.

You get his apartment soon enough and you end up making him some ramen. You can’t reach the bowls and you try to find a stool of some sort. Before you can walk, you see him walk beside you with a smirk, “Sorry, I don’t have a stool here.” You scoff, “Yeah, I get it, why would you?”

He grabs the bowls down and leans forward; you become flustered, “What?” His eyes glimmer, “Thanks for earlier by the way. Being by my side.” You smile, “Of course, no worries.” Before you can take the bowls, he playfully moves them behind him. “Ah, ah.” He hums. His eyes sparkle mischievously; he leans even closer, “Were you that worried for me?” You stammer at the closeness, “Y-Yeah of course. Didn’t you see me crying?” Even closer. “Do I mean that much to you?” He asks, a wry smile on his lips.

You smile; him and his ego. You murmur, “Maybe. A little.” His eyes flash with a grin, “Angels can’t lie, it’s written all over your face. I’m your entire world.” You shove him as he laughs and you huff, “Oh shut up, you’re such a narcissistic brat. Maybe you are.”

Even though you think he’s joking, you didn’t want to admit to him that in fact, what he said was true. He was your entire world now. He means the most to you. You had come to terms with the fact you’d fallen ever so seriously in love with him. You wanted to confess before you left Seoul; there was what, only a week left? Once you got back to the clouds, it would be much more difficult to find time for him. He’d be just as busy as you. Whether he reciprocated them or not, you wanted to get it out there. Maybe you could still be friends?

You could do it. You peer back at him observing you. “Deep in thought?,” He asks. You take the bowls, “A bit.” He sighs sarcastically, “It’s hard running all day in your head.” “I will batter you, Lee Minhyuk.” You glare. He laughs loudly, “Try me.” So with that, you both eat ramen together for the afternoon beside each other whilst watching a drama on his TV. Ever so perfect.

>>>>>>

You peer at your phone for the umpteenth time at the text message you sent to Minhyuk: “Meet me up at Eungbongsan, the spot we went to, with the bench right by the lake, 7pm? Is that okay?” “Sure, I'll be there a bit early.” He responds.

Your heart palpitates at a velocity which you thought was unimaginable. You clutch your heart; your breath wavering and shaky. Today was the last day of you being in Seoul; tomorrow morning you’d have to back up to the clouds. Minhyuk was set to leave this evening, since he came to Seoul a few days earlier than you. You felt saddened. It might be awhile before you can see him and hang out again. So this was your chance.

This moment was plaguing your mind for the last week since it entered your head. You were scared, terrified in fact. This was the first time you had been properly enamoured, in love, enraptured by someone to this extent. In all honesty, you hope you wouldn’t have to face the pain of rejection.

You were also going to do something an Angel would only do to show the sincerity of their feelings. You were going to show him your wings. You made sure that absolutely no one would walk in, and even if they did, not like they could see your precious wings, only the supernatural could.

You peer up at the sky, it looked like it was going to rain soon; the clouds arch looming over you with an ashy colour, swirls of dark grey too. Stormy.

Your ears perk up at the sound of crunching- footsteps on the stony, gravelly ground. You feel a shiver run down your spine; goosebumps decorate your skin. Your knees feel shaky and your chest feels heavy. You peer up and see the familiar fiery coloured hair. Minhyuk climbs up the steps atop the hill and walks towards you. He was dressed more fancy than usual, a white shirt laced up towards the collar and tailored trousers.

You smile, “Hey.” Minhyuk gives you a beaming smile, “Last day here for me.” You nod, “Are you that excited to leave me then? How rude.” He crosses his arms; his sleeves being slightly longer than his arms but flowy, “Oh, no, no how could I?” His tone cooes sweetly.

A roguish expression paints itself on his face, “What did you call me here for? We hung out all this morning?” His eyes remain playful. You shakily murmur, “I know, I just. It’s your last day and all, I was, yeah. We might not be able to see each other for a while, it’s busy up in the clouds you know?” He nods with a burning smile, “I can imagine. You’ll be too occupied, being a good Angel and all that.” You chuckle, “God, your flattery hasn’t changed all these months.” Minhyuk murmurs, “That’s good to hear.” His eyes seem to be swirling with many emotions.

“I..uh have something important to talk about though. In all seriousness, no more fun and games.” You begin facing him; your hands begin to clam up. He tilts his head up and you see his lips twitch, “That important..huh?” You nod, “So listen well, I..I’ll say it all once, and then, then I’ll wait. You can talk afterwards.” His posture changes as he folds his arms expectantly and his lips twist into an amused smirk. His eyes swirl darker almost matching the clouds up above.

“I’ve been feeling this way for awhile. I mean..I’ve not had experience with this kinda feeling before. I…I sound stupid, let me just get on with it. Minhyuk, I like you. I like you a lot, and, and I’m genuinely scared, I haven’t felt like this before. You mean so much to me. You’ve only come into my life since the last three months and wow…I have to say I’ve never been happier than now.” You pause briefly, “You make me feel so whole and complete. Sappy I know. But yeah. You make me feel happy, okay? I like everything about you. I don’t know what you’ve been through, with love, but I want to cherish everything about you, and give it a new meaning if, if that’s okay..?”

You feel your wings beginning to appear. You close your eyes. You see the light glow emitting from you. The light pain your back now feels and it feels much heavier. Your wings beautifully outstretch either side glistening with a pearlescent and illuminating hue. Stunning white feathers layer upon layer. You were at your most vulnerable but you were wanting to seem the most incredibly sincere. You would give him the gift of seeing your wings. If he reciprocated, he’d let you see his. It’s a tradition that you hoped he knew.

You gaze back at him with hope written in your eyes. You spot his head hanging low, looking at the ground. A moment of silence passes before he peers back up; his pupils dilated and a calculating smile rests on his lips. Your heart drops, what was he thinking? Minhyuk lets out a laugh. Huh?

“Y/n. Do you want to see my wings?” His eyes sparkle. You nod cautiously, is he going to reciprocate your feelings? This was a sign. Minhyuk throws his head back laughing again and you notice how you begin to feel sick. A dark, almost grotesque feeling invades your senses and the usual glowing aura that Minhyuk emits has disappeared, now replaced with a dark, ominous aura.

One that could be described as similar to a malicious entity, a demon. Your heart pangs. From his back sprouts large wings except to your shock, these wings were coloured the darkest of black, darker than the night sky. A fallen Angel? A demon? Realisation glows on your features. Your knees shaky violently as you collapse to your knees on the soft grass. Your hands vivaciously tremble.

His once sweet eyes that held adoration were cold and full of malice. His dark wings flutter with the utmost grace, beautiful, untouchable for an Angel like you. You want to get up but you feel as though an invisible force is pushing you down. You couldn’t. Your eyes glaze over, panic rushing into your features. “M-Minhyuk?..This can’t be you. It has to be a fake..right? A demon-a shapeshifter..?”

“Excuses, excuses.” His voice cuts like frigid ice. The smile you’d become so accustomed to now felt like the edge of a sword. His words are sharp, twisted like thorns, “You love me don’t you?” You half expected a demon to be prideful, sadistic, happy to see you in such a state, but he was so cold, his eyes held such…pain. You murmur, “I..I do.”

Another empty laugh, his hair covers his eyes. A sly smile, “So naive. So pathetically naive.” The words pierce through you. “Is it really you..?” You splutter. You see his hands forming fists; they were trembling as though fighting something within himself.

“Love, it’s really me. Minhyuk. Can’t you recognise the man you oh, so very much love?” He patronises you. Why? Why is this happening to you? His face remains bleak. “What a shame it’s come to this. Don’t you think there was a reason why so much shit was happening around you, around Seoul? What did you call it? A Dark Monsoon.” His eyes widen manically, “Why did you never realise the cause for it was right in front of you, love?” He steps forwards, his wings arching intimidatingly. Demons don’t have such feathery wings, he’s definitely fallen. You stammer, “What happened to you?”

Minhyuk hisses, “You don’t deserve to give me pity. Focus on yourself. I’ve betrayed you, don’t you get it?” He stands in front of you. His lips twitch, “Your heart is in my hands. I came all this way, did all this shit just so I could tear it in two. Destroy your entire world all today.”

You should be raging. Sobbing your eyes out. What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you weeping, screaming incessantly at him? Your emotions are mixed; you can feel it. You can feel him hurting. There must be a reason why he’s like this. “Minhyuk you don’t h-have to do this.” You plead with glistening eyes; tears begin to build up. You see a flash in his eyes and his hand almost freezes. A pause ensues; a painfully silent one.

The wind picks up exponentially. You hear thunder begin to rumble and grumble above you. A wet raindrop falls onto your skin. “Oh, but I do.” His eyes icy in nature peer down at you as the rain begins to fall down. The sky is dark as this moment. “You’re hurting.” You croak out as tears stream down your face. “I’m not,” he shuns. “You are. You don’t want to do this. I’ve seen the l-look in your eyes. You’re happy. You..You-“ You stutter out sniffling.

You see him hesitant for a moment and his eyes suddenly snap to meet yours, “You don’t know who I really am. You only know me as what you want me to be.”

The words feel like you’ve been stabbed by a dagger. You may as well rip your heart out. Ouch. A cry leaves your lips and Minhyuk’s knee buckled slightly. He frustratedly runs a hand through his soaked locks. His wings flutter violently spraying water everywhere. “You don’t know me. You’re too good for this world, the love you want will never happen.” He sneers out.

Your hands dig into the soil. Pain, you can feel indescribable pain. Heartbreak, the feelings of having your heart violently trodden on, shredded even. He toyed with you. You have to realise this, why are you giving him excuses. He’s fallen, it’s what he was created, reborn to do and now you were going to become one too.

His fingers tentatively run across the top of your right wing. You quiver in fear. Was he past the point of no return? You notice even now how his hand trembles. “You should have yelled at me and told me to fuck off the day I dropped your ice cream on purpose.” What was that, another crack in your disintegrating heart? The malicious smile upon his mask burns into your mind; a dark smile you’d never forget. A dull smile but with glossy eyes.

“You’ll regret this,” you painfully whisper. You just knew he was getting ready to rip a feather out. You close your eyes as more tears slip past your shut eyes. The rainfall becomes a noisy hiss as it picks up pace. Thunder becomes even louder taunting your pathetic position. “I already have,” he croaks back unbeknownst to you. You feel him grip your wing. You couldn’t do anything; you couldn’t move. Did he really despise you this much? You wait for the painful moment.

It never arrives as he suddenly steps back. You hear a ruffle of feathers and a grunt. You open your eyes seeing Minhyuk with a black feather in his hand dripping with blood. It was his own, he ripped out one of his own feathers. What would that even mean?

“Minhyuk? Why!?” You scream. His lips curl into a sadistic smile, “You even care about me even though you knew what I was about to do to you. Fucking pathetic. These demons, whoever you encounter, will eat you alive with that innocence.”

He grabs your hands off the soil and places the feather onto your hand and closes your hand over it encapsulating it. Minhyuk crouches; his eyes dark, wings twitching in pain. He shakily cups your cheek, gritting his teeth, “Get out of my sight. Never try to look for me again. I don’t ever want to see your pretty face. Even in my dreams.” His voice cracks. “M-Minhyuk..” You weep. You feel yourself being able to move. You cling onto him, wrapping your arms tightly around him; you didn’t want to let go. He was tainted. He was tainted, he still wasn’t fully gone, you could salvage him. He moves strands of your drenched hair out of your face, “Don’t even think about it,” he sharply snaps.

He lets go of you immediately and stands up stepping away from you breathing heavily. His eyes pleading but also mercilessly cold. “I’m doing what I should have done long ago. I don’t deserve you. Run away.” You weep harshly; sobs wracking your body. You reach out with the feather in your other hand. “Minhyuk please…please this is a f-fate worse than death.” “Death would be better than being with me. I regret not being able to go back up to the clouds. You don’t deserve that punishment of being dragged down to Hell with me.” He snarls.

“Don’t fucking waste time. Run. Never look back. Don’t even hesitate.” He peers at you with a haunting expression, “Because the next time I see you. I won’t be so merciful. With or without a choice.” “So run. Keep this as a mere nightmare.” He coldly finishes.

You shakily stand yourself up; you immediately retract your wings. Your drenched figure pains his heart. He twists himself away. You stand there in silence seeing him. You look down at the feather. A mere memoir, this tragedy. He spared you the rebirth of a fallen Angel. He didn’t want you to suffer. Did he really love you? Was this still all a painful ploy? You didn’t know anymore. All you knew was that you now felt broken hearted, hopeless, empty.

You had the tiniest bit of hope somewhere in his heart, he wished he could be with you. Even if he himself wanted to be with you, you couldn’t. He was from Hell now, it was forbidden, unspeakable even to court a demon spawn or fallen Angel. You shake your head, what were you thinking? At the end of the day, he betrayed you. He used you. Right? Were you convincing yourself?

You squeeze the feather in your hand. You peer back at him yelling, “I want to know! I want to know the absolute truth, i at least deserve this after all this, before I finally go.”

He nods silently. You cry out, “Was that all I was? Are you just pitying me right now? I was just another Angel to mess with and taint? You’re sparing me, do you do that with all your Angels?” Minhyuk answers back, “If I say I do love you, what difference does it make? Does it change anything?”

“Do you?” You snarl pained. He doesn’t answer you, and that’s all it takes for you to start walking away, no, running away with all your might with tears streaming viciously down your face. Rain pelts against your features like stones against your skin. Torturous.

Minhyuk buckles to his knees letting out a horrific cry of pain. He places his hands onto his head letting out all his emotions and tears. His wings fade away. His face twists into agony. His heart, his dark, murky heart hurts.

Pathetic. Worthless.

He painfully whispers, “I love you. I wish I could say that to you. I wish.” He crackles out. His eyes sting.

The rapturous lies he enveloped you with, the ribbons of deceit he tied you up with, a small part of you wishes you never knew. You wish you never gave him your time of day that very first day you met. He destroyed your world, your heart, right between his fingers.

You run with the feather in your hand and you cry out, “I hate you, I hate you so much.” You let go of the feather. It whisks off hastily in the harsh winds swirling and twirling through the gales. Where would it go? You didn’t care.

It drops into a puddle somewhere far off becoming even more drenched. The dampness making the colour of the feather even darker than an abyss.

It wasn’t meant to be. It never was.

[jyunshiim]

Daisies & Clementine’s  *✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷Han X Reader

Genre → fluff | friends to lovers | childhood friends to lovers |

Contains → fluff 

Listen to →  playlist I was inspired by

Word count → 7K (7749) 

TW → none

Summary: You and Jisung have been childhood companions for many years. Growing up was a breeze for you both, sharing a lot and being there for each other when each other were in need. Jisung asked you one day if you were allowed to spend a month holiday on Jeju Island with him and his family. A simple holiday, yet held great value.

The saying goes, that there is one person in the world that is meant for you: a soulmate. Although some soulmates aren’t so easy to find, hidden in the depths of the shadows of your life almost hidden until the last moments of your life. Unfortunately, it does happen but what is more common are soulmates that don’t even know it yet. Only until you feel like you’ve lost them or that they might not return what you have for them until something ever so specific happens.

***

The stars were glittering in the ebony abyss above you and your best friend Jisung. Jisung had always been your friend ever since that one time in school where you were mocked for not understanding a mathematics question and he helped you and became your tutor ever since. You weren’t the best with number and often struggled with understanding mathematical concepts but Jisung was there for you and took his precious time to study with you, day in day out. Without fail, his warm grin always consoled you as if he was indirectly telling you “it’s okay, I’m here for you”. You knew he’d be your home and your comfort even if you both went your separate ways and found love one day. You were both 16 at the time when he used to tutor you and by the time you both turned 18 and were making crucial life choices, you made choices you were 100% sure with. You didn’t want to leave Jisung behind and going to the same local university in your city was the only thing you could do to stay with him. Your parents didn’t like the idea of you pursuing a career in arts, particularly anything to do with literature and writing. It was deemed ‘useless’ in their eyes, so lacklustre of you. They were certain you weren’t getting anywhere with a degree in literature, but you loved writing; it was your form of expression. Jisung supported it all the way through. He chose to do music composition and production which he was outstanding at. You vividly remember during your summer break he wrote a song about the pair of you going to the convenience store and made it sound so mesmeric. Your best friend Jisung. What would you do without a friend like him?

***

The biting cold making icicles at the tip your fingertips, the tip of your nose as crimson as sweet cranberries, your knee bouncing up and down trying to warm you up. “what’s taking him so long?” you say to yourself as you stand up although during that moment, you see a chestnut brown-haired boy bolting down the streets, his fleece long jacket flailing in the polar winds, the hood of his hoodie falling off his head. Your face lights up – as always- when you saw his panicked face bolting through crowds of people who too were shopping. It was so endearing how he ran, a half jog half run. You laugh to yourself gripping the heat packs in your pocket until he arrived in front of you his hands, knuckles tinted light carmine, resting on your shoulders panting for breath.

“where were you?” your hands searching your pockets for the heat packs you had and holding it against his face, Jisung sniffling because of the cold weather. “I-I was trying…trying to buy something and the-” he struggles to speak as he holds his chest. “hey Jisung stop talking, let’s get you warm,” you hold his hand, a heat pack between your palm and his; fingers interlocking to keep it in place. It made him feel warm inside and out, a smile appearing on his face as he looked down, his brown wavy hair flopping down. The café had a homely feel, ever so reminiscent. You never knew why; possibly the rustic feel to it the lower ceilings and roof supports with warm fairy lights coiled around them. The counter was made out of a light wood, oak perhaps. You weren’t too keen on identifying trees. “You sit here okay, and I’ll be back with our drinks okay Han?” only you were allowed to call him by his surname although he claimed it as his nickname. He nodded, smiled sweetly and sat cosied up in an arm chair. “Do you want me to hold your bag for you?” he grabbed your arm before you left and you turned around. “oh yeah sure! That’d be great thank you,” you take your bag off your shoulder and he grabs the bag into hands and places it in his lap.

Jisung loved bitter coffee paired with a sweet dessert. The pure happiness he would endure simply from a strawberry cheesecake and any type of Americano coffee, hot or cold. It was different to you; you loved sweet drinks and savory-ish snacks (although a cheesecake was always so delightful when you were with Jisung). Jisung’s eye would sparkle, like he was holding the entire universe, whenever he saw something, he loved. Damn you for being so blind, his love for cheesecake was godly. Jisung warmed up, the condensation on the window making it fog up so he drew a smiley face. He was happy. You walk over with your tray and he immediately got up to take the tray out of your hands and place it down himself. “you never disappoint me,” he gasps at the creamy cake and the piping hot coffee. “I’m your best friend I will never forget until the day I die!” you pledge to him before sitting down giggling at his endearing reaction to such a simple food. You tear a bit of your croissant and place it in your mouth letting the subtle sweetness and savoury enthral you. The combination with your caramel macchiato, the combination of flavours combining and comforting you. Jisung introduced you to the caramel macchiato and croissant combination and ever since you got that every single time. “how are you feeling now Han?” you ask him, whilst leaning on your hand and tilting your head at him. He gazes into your eyes and smiles endearingly, “a lot better now, I was trying to get your birthday present, and I got held up! I am sorry about that,” he apologises. “what! You didn’t have to what the hell!” you lean over the table and slap his shoulder gently. “hey it is MY duty to take care of you until someone decides to sweep you off your feet,” he tuts, “they better treat your right!” he warns you for your future relationships. You nod and agree with what he says, “well my bestie Hannie will be there for me and likewise I will be there for you too!” you rub a tiny spec of cheesecake from the corner of his mouth, “a child, that’s what you are,” you joke with him.

You were disrupted by a strong gust of wind that collided with the glass where Jisung drew his smiley face and droplets of rain appears dragging down the window. The pattering of the raindrops where almost rhythmic, like the universe was performing for you. In fact, you loved the rain a lot that you wished to have your first kiss in the rain – it was cliché and cheesy – but Jisung always listened to your dreams and desires and what you wished for. The rain was comforting, like the clouds were telling you it was okay to be sad and to cry now and then. You were full of content in this given moment; a warm coffee between your palms, the icicles melting off and the colour in your frostbitten hands appearing. “do you want to try some?” Jisung scoops a spoonful of cheesecake and hovers over the table holding it in front of you. It was endearing, he always shared everything he had and of course you did the same. “of course?” you take the spoon from him and taste the cheesecake. The sweetness infiltrating your system as soon as it touched your tastebuds. “wow this place does really good cheesecakes, perhaps I’ll have to come here more often!” you smile at him. The bellicose rain thrashed against the window now, the winds were stronger, but you had to leave to get home although you needed to take a 30-minute bus journey back home and the weather was abysmal! “you are in no way going home in this weather!” Jisung tutted, “luckily, I do live literally around the corner,” he was definitely inviting you over, he was very clingy! “I can just go home; the bus comes in like-” you check your phone. 45 minutes. “never mind I will gladly take your considerate offer,” you laugh. “ah these buses aren’t the best now are they, let’s go now before there are too many people on the streets!” he stands up fixing his little jacket and handing back your bag. “unless you want me to hold it,” he offers. He was so selfless and sweet. “you’re not my boyfriend so why would you! It’s okay, I can take it back,” you play around.

***

You thank the baristas before Jisung pushes the glass door open for you and lets you go first. “I don’t have a hood!” you squeal before putting your hands above your head but Jisung was on his feet to the rescue, holding out his jacket and covering you with it. “let’s run to the convenience store alright! In 3, 2, 1-” you clutched onto his jacket covering you and bolted with his laughing at the playful noises he made before sheltering at the convenience store. You looked around the store for a few things to snack on. “I’ll pay so get whatever you like since you paid for my coffee,” he holds the basket. “shut up, you bought me a birthday present when I didn’t want you to!” you tut at him, “god what am I gonna do with you?” you scoff jokily. You see a pile of Clementine’s which you had to get because you loved them so much and it reminded you of the summers you used to drink fresh orange juice with Jisung near the river. You put them in the basket and Jisung looked confused; “oranges?” he looks at you with confusion. “I just really like oranges Jisung,” you smile. He took a mental note of that. After grabbing a few snacks, it was still raining, and he did the same thing again sheltering you with his own jacket and running to his house which was a minute or two away.

The door to his home creaked open, and the warmth hitting your face as quick as a train on tracks. The waft of freshly cooked rice drifts past your nose and it reminds you of all the times you and Jisung got stuck in the rain, just like this very occasion, and his mother made warm rice with a savoury soup. Jisung takes your jacket and takes it to his room to hang it up and comes back to the kitchen. “it’s raining bad so is it okay if-” Jisung gets cut off by his parents, “of course she can! Any time and if she needs to stay, we can accommodate her too!” His mother adored you, it was endearing. After your quick dinner with his parents, which his parents were more than happy to provide for you, you sat in Jisung’s bedroom. His room was as neat as it could be. When walking in, his bed was in the far-left corner pointing towards the large window, to the right of his room was his mic, computer and music equipment and next to that was his shelf with various different items like trophies and frames as well as the daisy chain he made for you. He also has his TV attached to the corner of his wall.

“oi why did you keep the daisy chain?” you asked him as he turned around, his hand on the remote to turn on the small TV in his room. “it’s pretty, isn’t it?” He gives a playful smile before jumping onto his bed and leaning against the headboard. “I never took you for such a sappy sentimental person,” you nudge him. “you learn something new every day,” he smiles before turning something on to keep you occupied. This was just comfort. Just you and your best friend of many years, spending quality time together. Your head lay on his dog plushie – which you gifted him so he would stop complaining he was lonely –your locks sprawling over it. Jisung glances over to you entranced by your own thoughts, a whole world inside your mind – he was intrigued as to what you were thinking. “hey, what are you thinking?” he sits up leaning down so he was in front of your face. It only came to your realisation he was laying next to you, face to face to get your attention. You sit up. “oh umm-“ you think fast, “the oranges!” you point at his desk at the clementine’s sat perfectly in the punnet it was in. You and Jisung spent an hour or so watching a show and talking about university and how you want to travel the world. He listened to you attentively to every word you said before his parents knocked and said that the rain storm had stopped and they can take you home. So shortly after, you gathered your belongings and Jisung followed you and his parents to the car. You forgot one thing, your hair tie that had a little rabbit charm on it; you had it ever since you were little and you forgot it at his house, at least it was Jisung though. Since then something changed in the air. A shift. Although only time will tell and expose what changed.

***

6:35 am your alarm blared through your bedroom, your head tucked under your grey and white sheets trying to accumulate warmth since you had to manually turn the heating on. You groaned tiresomely, your arm extending to find your phone, knocking it off the bedside table. You wanted to cuss it out because morning where NOT your forte. You sit up and grab your robe and draped it over your body and go to the bathroom to freshen up before getting ready for university. Jisung woke up at 8 because the campus was so near but you had to commute. You took your time doing your makeup and getting dressed, grabbing your bag and putting your notebook, laptop, stationary and your pouch in. You grab a jacket and your umbrella before promptly leaving at 7:57 am to catch the 8am bus to get to school. You managed to get to campus just before your lecture allowing you some time to get coffee to wake up a bit however… that plan did not seem very doable since the queue was incredibly long, so you gave up and went to the library to sit in your usual seat and wait for the lecture.

“hey!” you hear a whisper, and you ignore it thinking it was for someone else before you feel someone breathing on the back of your neck. Your instinct would be to slap the person but as you turn around with a fearful expression, you realise it’s Jisung with his starry eyes giving you that smile. “I got here early and got you your favourite,” he points at the seat you both sit at which was hidden behind a bookshelf. It was a large table where no one really sat since students preferred to work in groups. University life was different to high school. You had other friends which was nice; Sana did Biochem, so it was hard to get a hold of her, Chan was a sports and exercise student, and Seungmin studied nutrition. Jisung also had some friends from high school like Changbin who was doing the same course as you – literature- although he focused on the poetry section more, and Hyunjin who studied business and management. You did meet them often but of course you were closer to Jisung.

You saw the packaged croissant and the coffee on the table, and you thanked Jisung. He took his time to actually get you coffee before your lecture. “you have a couple minutes, at least you can drink it during the class!” he pats your shoulder. “don’t you have a lecture at 11am?” you ask him since that’s when yours finish. He nods. “I’ll be done by 2-ish? We can go and grab some lunch if you want?” he suggests. “how about we meet with Sana, Chan, Seungmin and Changbin for lunch?” you counter-suggest – if that is a word!-

“is Hyunjin busy?” Jisung asks a little confused. “Oh no he WAS the one who asked the other day and I replied to him now.” You smile so Jisung goes along with whatever you wanted to do.

You open your notebook to take some notes for your class and you see Changbin walking in and he sees you. Changbin was intimidating, at first glance, although he was sensitive and kind when you talk to him and get to know him better. “hey, I’m not late right?” he asks getting out his Ipad to take notes. You shake your head; “have you got your anthology yet?” Changbin asked you. You shake your head, you forgot about the anthology. “well that’s good because I saved you one,” he hands you the book of poetry. You were relieved, your degree relied on this book. “oh my god thank you!” You show your gratitude. “anything for a friend of Jisung’s and mine,” he smiles before turning back to face the front as the lecturer walks in and begins.

After class and meeting with your other friends for lunch, you all met at an Italian restaurant which was incredibly popular. It had been a while since you had a meal with all of them since classes took over your lives. “hey isn’t your birthday tomorrow?” Sana asks, her sweet smile brightening up the entire room. “Yeah it is wh-” but before you could say anything, she hands you a tiny pink bag. “I might have time so I got your gift today!” Sana was such an amazing friend. You thank her and open the bag and the small box inside to reveal an teddy keyring with your initials engraved on a small silver plaque looking keyring. “omg this is so cute thank you so much!”

“Now, open my one,” Jisung holds a blue bag with silver ribbon on the front. “now?” you ask him. “well yeah you opened Sana’s one?” so you opened the bag and it was in a slightly larger box; once you opened it a small gasp left your mouth and at that exact moment the food arrived. “what great timing I’m so hungry!” Changbin went in for the food and everyone else followed, conversing with each other and catching up, but you were still trying to process what he bought you. A silver necklace with a daisy charm and both of your initials on the back. “I’ll always be here for you, you know how that daisy chain is so sentimental to me, I hope this is too.” He leans in and quietly speaks. You were lost for words. You tried to splutter out a thank you, but he knew how thankful you were from your mere reaction.

The evening went as planned; you and your friends hung out after so long, work was intense but having a cheat day like this was indeed liberating. Jisung taps your shoulder gently as you wave Sana goodbye under a dimmed streetlight and the obscure night sky. It was hazy tonight; the cool fog making it hard to see anything ahead of you. Jisung stood next to you and you turned to him once Sana left. “are you thinking what I’m thinking Han?” you give a playful smile and rock back and forth on your tiptoes, “coffee and cake?” he asks as if he didn’t know that was your thing with him. “Of course!” you put your hands on his back and push him in the direction you wanted to go in; “over there!” you point. It was a night café situated along a remote street that was diverted away from main traffic. A large white sign lit up the dark street which directed you and Jisung to a well-lit night café that had a couple people inside enjoying their night with their friends or significant other. There were outdoor seats which weren’t occupied because of the drop in temperature but it would be nice to come here more often since the location was incredible. Jisung pushes the door open and lets you in first, following you and looking around for somewhere to sit. A circular table with two chairs in the farthest corner which was surrounded by bookshelves but renowned authors; Jisung chose to sit there and asked you to go and reserve that seat. “What are you doing?” your voice conveying disarray. “it’s on me tonight,” his smile appeared. That smile. Your heart did that thing again though you shook it off. It was nothing right? You sat yourself down, putting your purse on the table along with your phone; the books were intriguing you, there were many of them ranging from sonnets and poems to crime and mystery literature. You knew you weren’t much of a reader, but one did capture your attention. It was by an author called Ivan Turgenev, the book was called ‘First love and other stories’ – people writing about love was something you wish you could’ve done but you don’t know how love feels? The cover of the book was rough a cerise fabric-like texture, the title written in a gold on the spine of the book. Jisung comes over unexpectedly and leans over your shoulder eyeing at the hardback you seized. “what’s that? Love stories?” he pouts as you turn around in a panic, Jisung grabbing the book out of your hand, his fingertips grazing against your hand. If you had your Apple watch on right now, your heart rate would’ve been way too obvious. “O-Oh I was looking at the book shelf, they have so many well-known books and authors an-” your flustered ramble was interrupted by Jisung; “you want to read love stories, that’s understandable… it’s a good book I would recommend it,” he hands the book gently and points at the tray with the coffee cups filled to the top, the two cheesecake slices; one orange and the other strawberry. You gasp at the orange cheesecake – “oh my god they exist!” you sat down at the table, tucking the chair in. The aroma of the roasted coffee beans was intense although it made you feel comfort. You glance up at Jisung as he picks up the silver form and digs into the tip of the cheesecake, allowing there to be enough strawberry syrup and cheesecake. He holds it up to his mouth and notices you looking at him – with the most stupid look on your face, painted with adoration – so he held it out for you. “here, try it before I do,” his expressions were soft and gentle. “huh? Why, it’s yours?” you try to refuse. It didn��t work. “because-” he thinks for a second, “sharing is caring.” He fondly beams. You couldn’t deny it but he held the fork and you endured such sweetness swirling around, dancing on your tastebuds, the bitterness of your coffee counteracting with the dessert; it was utterly perfect. “nice?” he asks. “of course, as always!”

You didn’t realise at the time, but it was an analogy that you didn’t realise. The bitterness occurring in your life being stabilised by someone so sweet, attentive and ever so cherishing. It made sense.

You took a forkful of your orange cheesecake although it didn’t cater to your taste. “are you alright, do you not like it?” Jisung asks you. You shake your head, “ it tastes too artificial..” you hold the remaining cake on your fork and place it on the plate. It was disappointing, yes but Jisung swapped the ceramic plates with his. “here have mine, I’ll have this!” he takes whatever remained on the fork and takes a bigger chunk. You know what they say about sharing drinks, does it apply to forks? “O-oh thank you Han,” you smile softly, you couldn’t help but feel so warm inside. After spending some time at the café it was time to go home although Jisung insisted he would take you home safely first before he goes home. “no no, I can go myself,” you asserted. Jisung tutted and rolled his eyes playfully as he always does. “Why?” you ask waiting for a valid response. “Because it’ll take you even longer to get home!” you raise your voice a little louder but not too loud to bring attention. “well.. I’ve stayed over before..” he reminded you. Ah yes.. he did didn’t he. Your parents were okay with Jisung and already mentioned that if you dated him, it’d be best. God why did they think like that?  “I’m joking, I’ll get a taxi and we can go together,” he thought. You nod agreeing with him.

A couple weeks pass and you were on call to Jisung whilst studying. It was really late, around 2am but your Film project wasn’t going to do itself. He kept company since he just never slept. “want me to come over to study with you?” he asks. You were shocked at the offer. “at 2am? Are you crazy!” your voice becomes a little harsh as you tried to stay quiet. “maybe we should look for campus accommodation or an apartment we can split the rent for!” he suggests. It wasn’t a horrible idea, there would be some leeway for you to do whatever you like. “I’ll see for next semester; we can get looking though!” although you didn’t realise, he meant move in together. You and Jisung met up later that day at the university library, your laptop with all your editing software open, editing your short film that you filmed of him. It was about how you romanticised life and how everything was symbolic for something; Jisung pointed at himself. “what do I symbolise,” he asks tilting his head taking in the moving image. You pause, what if your feelings have changed? You lied. “you’re my best friend of course,” you smile through the pain knowing he will never feel the same. His cheeks flare a rosy hue. Even such words made him happy. “hey,” he enquires, “are you free August 1st?” you think for a moment. “That’s a couple months away but I should be, I can make sure nothing happens that day, why?” You seemed so confused. “My family and I are going to Jeju for a visit and I was wondering if you wanted to come as well?”

Oh.

“That would be nice, I haven’t been there yet either,” you let out a quiet laughter. “please, it would be so nice to have you there too!” he leans into you a little and laying his head on the table and smiling. Stop smiling like that – you think. “maybe I’ll consider it if you weren’t acting like a child,” your nervousness was seeping through. “a child? Isn’t that just my ecstatic personality hm?”

You scoff and continue focusing on your editing, a deep feeling of resent brewing within – why did you film Jisung AND fall for him? Wasn’t falling in love with your best friend a crime in any friendship? You took a deep breath; if you ignore it, it will be fine.

You stare at your oyster-white ceiling, covered in plastic leaf vines along the ends of your room the window open ajar enough to let in the gelid night breeze in, gliding onto your begs making you quiver. You didn’t want to shut it, you were too consumed by sundry thoughts about him; the way your heart thumped out of your chest, it paining you to see his boxy smile or when he would run up to you and embraced his arms around you tenderly full of compassion. He cared so much for you but you felt like you were too late to return any of it. Feelings are the way they are; ruthless in nature, eradicating almost every bit of rational though you possessed. You groaned feeling ever so dishevelled. You hand on your chest and a stone in your throat; you found it hard to accept you liked him – a lot more than just ‘like’, that word was too ineffective. Jisung’s pure demeanour flashes in and out of your head; when his hand touched yours when you held that one book at the night café, the way he let you have his jacket as a shelter, the way he kept the shrivelled-up daisy chain on his shelf; it was the way he did everything for you. Jisung played the guitar for you nearly every time you asked and sung for you even though he wasn’t confident in his vocals. But you didn’t want to bring your hopes up and embarrass yourself. That’s when it happened – the butterflies intruded and that’s when you knew your monotonous routine of life was demolished. With that being said, your eyes began to heavy, shutting slightly before your eyes fully closed. Dreamland is where you were transported to you…

Your trip to Dreamland gave you all the answers you needed.

It was a Saturday and you waited outside of a café waiting for Jisung. It was warmer, much warmer. You remembered that one winter’s evening when you and Jisung were caught in a storm in the exact place. You switch your phone on to see the time, the photo of you and Jisung gleaming back at you. It was a cute photo; Jisung slyly ate some of your ice cream getting a little bit on the tip of his nose and you laughing at him and wiping it off with your thumb. Your other friends really liked capturing you two, they said you were soulmates which you ignored because you didn’t believe in soulmates. Emphasis on didn’t – times change and so do people.

“Hey!” Jisung startled you, nearly dropping your phone. “you alright there,” he chuckled at you. “Not funny!” you couldn’t help but smile. “you seem to be in a good mood!” he smiles with his teeth, draping his arm around you, clutching his fist to respect you. “so what do you want to do today?” he asks you.

“why do you keep asking me?” you pout slightly. “why not?” Jisung pushes his hair back, his chestnut locks resting back into its natural position.

“We should go to a café then get matching bracelets because YOU promised we’d get matching ones and then maybe at sun set, go to Namsan Tower?” you suggest. “Did you plan this last night when I told you to go to sleep?”

You didn’t, you saw it in your dream.

“l-lets just go!” you grab his arm and take him inside the café to get a cool drink to quench your thirst.

His eyes attentively scanned the menu, looking at all the cold drinks he could get. “what are you getting,” he asked. “hmm I really feel like having the grapefruit one!” you point at the menu, “what are you getting?” you ask Jisung, “which one sounds nice?” he asks again.

You can the menu again; “blueberry tea sounds really tasty!” you say. He nods that same look of compassion; he was enthralled by you yet you didn’t even know.

***

She was beautiful. The way she looked up at me and smiled; her fierce attitude to everything made me want to scream, toss and turn in my bed; she made the butterflies in my stomach go wild. I was foolish for falling for her – my best friend – but what can I do if whenever I see her, the tempestuous storm within me is appeased at her presence. She makes me feel at home. Her amicable nature, so captivating. The face she made when she was displeased was endearing even if she thought it was hideous, to me she was like a gem that was waiting to be found and I’m glad to have found her first. I was devoted to her; there won’t be another who makes me feel the way she does. She’s my first love. And I am willing for her to be my last if nothing is returned. Her happiness is all that matters to me…

***

Sipping your drinks in the sunlight was refreshing. You both got your bracelets to match; inexpensive yet it meant the whole world to you – and him.  “there are some benches over there!” you point, grabbing his spare hand without a second though and running towards it. The sun began to wane and the stars began to emerge; simultaneously, the sky bled into an inky black allowing the stars to glow and gleam brightly. It was like how Jisung endured everything for you to let you shine. Like in school, how he would quite literally get hurt to keep you safe. You owed him a lot. “isn’t the moon really pretty tonight?” you point at the lustrous pearly orb that reigned the void sheathing the earth. “yeah, she’s really pretty tonight,” Jisung speaks softly. You didn’t realise how Jisung said ‘she’; he gazed at you, infatuated by none other than you. His fingers twitched to intertwine between your fingers, to lay a gentle kiss on your cheek. He waited for the right time.

A few months went by until it was the day of the trip Jisung planned to go on with his family. You stand in the centre of your bedroom with a small suitcase since it was for two weeks; you packed your necessities and your chargers, some hair ties and your book. You zipped up your suitcase and grabbed your other bag to throw in your pouch, phone, airpods and whatever else you needed easy access to. Jisung walks into your room with a knock; “hey your mum let me in, ready for me to take your stuff?”

And from there, everything began to unfold.

The journey there was peaceful considering the fact you always fell asleep at least 15 minutes into any car journey. Your head resting against the car window, although Jisung noticed that it wasn’t very relaxing when your head kept bumping against the car; he moved to the middle and gently moved your head to rest onto his shoulder his arm around you, so you were comfortable. He could feel his heart explode 50 fireworks every time he looked at you. He was spellbound by you.

***

Your Island holiday started off with a tour of Jisung’s holiday home; a pretty looking home with sliding doors and traditional architecture. “This is my room, and I think my parents are allowing you your own room which is the guest room,” he opened the door to the guest room and you were rapt but the view it had of the ocean. You dropped your bags and ran to the large windows and swung then open; the sound of the birds and the swashing of the sea infused your system. It felt refreshing. “It’s really pretty isn’t it, I love coming here,” he leaned against the window sill. Especially with you. He thought. “well, I’ll let you get comfortable and perhaps we can go exploring a little bit or we might have something to eat.. I don’t know but get comfy!” he says before shutting the door and leaving you alone with the ocean and your busy mind to unwind.

The saxe blue ocean pushed up against the bisque grains of sand, pulling back and leaving behind a platinum foamy residue. You thought of you and Jisung holding hands and walking down the beach at sunset like every couple does. The air felt lighter so you inhaled deeply and tried to let go of everything you had on your mind. You heard a knock at the door; it was Jisung’s mother. “are you hungry?” she smiled with immense amount of love and gentleness in her eyes. “of course! I’ll come now!” you close the windows and grab your phone as his mother smiled at you. Family meals with his family felt so natural although today Jisung was a lot more reserved as usual. Usually he would say something stupid or be extroverted. “You okay?” you whisper across the table. “h-huh, OH yeah I am, I’m tired that’s all.”

It wasn’t like him but you knew it wasn’t you that was the reason.

After dinner, you followed him back to the bedrooms; “Jisung,” you utter “Hm?” he turns around, the pair of you face to face now. “Do you want to watch the stars with me?” you ask nervously but you saw the way his brows raise from a furrow and the corner of his lips raise. “Of course I would, I’ll go change and come to you alright?” you nod your head and do the same thing. As you close the door you exhale. You don’t know why you were so nervous. But soon enough, he knocked and asked permission to come in. You both sat on the bed and gazed at the twinkling stars outside; “sometimes I wish I could be a star,” you begin. “Why is that?” Jisung asks looking down at you laying your head near thigh; “they’re so carefree and pretty and I-”

“but so are you?” he defends. “what?” you get up and look at him, your hair covering the sides of your face. He tucks your hair behind your ear; “you mean more than you think, to someone out there you just don’t know yet.. The way we’re looking at stars right now someone must’ve saw you the same way and wished they saw you again.. because it’s hard to find ONE special star amongst many,” Jisung was extremely poetic today.

“Han-” you were interrupted again. “the moon is out again, look!” he points as you lay back down this time on his thigh as he shifted it closer to where you were laying. It felt natural. His hand hesitated to touch your hair, to play with your locks but he found the courage to. You felt your soul levitate but luckily he couldn’t see your face.

***

The sun beamed into your room, the light material curtains flailing in the ocean breeze; Jisung wasn’t in the room. You were resting on a pillow with a blanket over you, it seems like he left later when you fell asleep again. The aroma of breakfast began to waft through the gap of the door to which you thought it would be a good idea to get up and get ready. You opened the door and yelped as you saw Jisung smiling ear to ear at your door. “Good morning sleepy head-” as he grabbed your hand. “w-wow where are we going!” you yelped. “breakfast but at a special place!” he says. “bye we’ll be back!” Jisung waves to his parents. You make your way down paths until you reached a little shop – a coffee shop. “I loved this place and I always wanted to bring you here!” he opens the door and the strong scent of bread and other patisserie struck you. “this is where my love for cheesecake came from!” he smiles. He seemed very happy.

You panicked internally. Did..you kiss! That thought didn’t feel right !!

***

Jisung toured you around. He showed you places he used to love as a child and things that made him happy – even happier that he could share it with you – from the rocks near the sea, to the bakery. He showed you where he carved his name on a tree on the way back to the family home. “maybe I should carve yours too!” he looks for a sharp stone and gets right to it. You watch him be so happy and acted out to yourself how you would confess to him. maybe you shouldn’t right? Soon after, you both slowly walked home but Jisung stopped again. “hey look!” he points at this tree. “what about it?” you ask until you looked up to see bright orange oranges hanging from verdant leaves. “oh my! I want one!” you say trying to grab out until Jisung stands extremely close behind you leaning over to twist one off. “Thanks-” you say although he begins peeling the skin off himself with a smile of endearment painted across his face. “I can do it myself!” you try to grab it off him. “aaaa-” he says holding a piece to your mouth with your accept, his thumb grazing against your bottom lip. “oh it’s really tasty!” you say. “open wide,” he jokes as he holds another one. “I’m not a baby!” you whine. “yeah you are,” he laughs running forward. “come and get me!”

This was the Jisung you knew and loved.

He grabbed your hand once you caught up to him, his fingers intentionally interlocking fingers and smirking at you playfully before running back to the house. You had so much fun. More than you usually do and you felt closer to Jisung. The exchanging of looks and playfully flirty remarks is all that you would remember from today. Especially, his thumb grazing your bottom lip; his soft gaze was still intense; it still made you feel nervous.

Being with Jisung was homely. His genial personality making you fall for him further. That night, you sat in the bed of the guest room, the owls hooting outside and trees rustling as the oceans began to sound turbulent. You were a little frightened and you debated going to Jisung. “screw it!” you thought. You knock at his door and hope he isn’t asleep. There wasn’t an answer so you turned around to go back into your room until your hear the handle lower and open. “you okay?” he asked, looking genuinely concerned. You gulped at the way he presented himself, his hair messy and eyes weary. “I didn’t mean to disturb you I-I’m just a bit scared…” you mumbled. “scared?” he repeated. “yeah! Don’t repeat it I feel STUPID!”

He lets out a soft chuckle and holds out his hand; “I’m watching a show right now if you want to join me?” he offers. You take his hand and he closes the door behind him. He climbs into bed and leans against his headboard. “your space awaits,” he says in a deep voice mocking the character in the show making you smile. You slide under his sheets and against the headboard too although it felt abnormal. “you can lean on me if you want to, I don’t mind..” he says. “are you sure?” you ask gulping. He nods with great certainty. So you did what he said. You lowered yourself so your head was at his chest, leaning into him and unexpectedly he pulled you in closer.

The moment became incredibly intimate. His heart was beating fast, you could hear it thump out of his chest. You felt your pulse quicken too. This wasn’t normal at all. You were okay with intimacy but this moment felt … different.

“are you okay?” he asks, his voice slightly husky, his fingers gently skimming the side of your arm. You stay still, debating to confess or to just lean in and get it done and over with. No. He wouldn’t do that. You sit up, his arm moving away from you; you face him and take a deep breath. “what’s wro-” he gets cut off by your confession.

“ I love you Jisung..” you blurt out closing your eyes hoping he’d say something – even if it was the opposite of what you were expecting. Although whilst your eyes were closed there was silence which was shattered by Jisung’s laugh. He lay his hand on yours, his other hand just below your jaw: “open your eyes for me,” he begins, your eyes slowly peering at him. It was like someone burst a colour bomb in the room; he was radiating indigo, pink and orange – he was happy. Although words were not exchanged, actions were.

Actions speak louder than words

His arm placed itself around your waist pulling you in closer to him as you kneeled on his bed. He closed his eyes and leaned closer to your lips, a paroxysm of emotions and feelings being exchanged between two lovers. The pure infatuation between you and him felt like true love, everything felt like two puzzle pieces attaching to create a piece of art that longed to be complete. The large boulder that sat on your chest had gone, you felt like a feather floating through the gates of heaven. The sweet exchange between you and Jisung, his hands ever so gently holding you; he loved you this whole time but waited for you. You lay next to him, his eyes so effervescent and glossy, his fingers caress the side of your cheek. “I love you more than you would ever have expected me to…” he confesses lowly “ I was waiting for you,”

I was waiting for you.

Everything felt so complete with your heart and Jisung’s heart merged into one. Daisies, clementine’s, and August 1st. You wished for nothing more and nor did he. Even in another life, you would always be his first love

First love. Something so pure and magnificent, something that changed the repetitive customs of life; something that gave variety and prosperity to existence. Even when seasons change, Clementines and Daisies will be what bound you with your first love; Jisung was your first love and transpires to be your last. 

Everything was falling into place and had been since whenever he grew feelings for you. The way you sandwiched his cheeks with heat packs, or the way you held his hand with one heat pack. Not to forget the way he would always buy your second choice so you didn’t have any regrets. The way Jisung’s gentle touches made a pit in your stomach fall everytime like the one time at the night cafe when you were looking at the books. Not to forget the way his thumb grazed your lips...  Everything was just right.

***

[jyunshiim]

Ellipsism ☄︎. *. ⋆

ELLIPSISM: CHAPTER 1 - TRAIL OF MEMORIES

[ Part 1 to a short AU series featuring Hongjoong! ]

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 [coming soon!]

Genre: romance, fluff, soulmate!au, timetravel!au, angst, mystery.

Pairing: Hongjoong x reader

Contains: Mentions of death, blood, trauma, cussing.

Music Recommended: [Throughout!]

Summary; Tirelessly, over and over just as things seem as though they were panning out for the better, your happiness gets ripped from your grasp every lifetime, no matter what course of action you take. Despite the wondrous chance you’ve been given by whatever being above, you couldn’t get it right. You simply pondered whether you and Hongjoong were ever meant to be together. Every attempt seemed futile and ended up in horrendous dismay and broken-heartedness. Travelling back and forth between the precious vacuum called ‘time,’ didn’t seemed to do anything to bring you and your love together. Despite this, you’d never give up, no matter however many timelines you had to travel through, no matter how many rewinds it took. You’d be together.

—————————-||||||||||||||||||||||||||||—————————

To experience this best, play: Truth Untold (BTS)

Your fingertips delicately flutter across his golden skin feeling the soft texture on the pad of your fingers. Your eyes scan his face; his angelic face. His dark locks sprawled across the ground and some strands haphazardly stick to his forehead. Some of his hair was wet. Your hands stroke his ebony hair as your eyes scan down his face once more down his neck and to his white collared shirt now blossoming with red.

You heave yourself up into standing and peer at your shaky hands with lifeless eyes. Lifeless eyes that matched his. The pool of cayenne coloured fluid seeping around his body and crawling between the crevices and grooves of your shoes was enough to give away everything. Your hands being stained a glistening red from touching his lifeless body for the last was also enough. Not like it was the first time.

The sky was bright as ever, a beautiful baby blue with fluffy clouds hanging over observing the events. You peer back down at his lifeless, dead body on the hard concrete. Then at the pieces of debris lying around. A headlight by the lamppost, part of the front bumper over by the sidewalk, shattered glass just to the right of his body. Uprooted concrete just behind you. Semblances of a car accident, of course.

You just knew everyone surrounding you must think you’re insane. You seemed lifeless yourself. Why weren’t you screaming, bawling, weeping, panicking, rushing around? You lost your best friend and the love of your life? How apathetic could you be? That’s what everyone around would think. They don’t know though.

Your lacklustre eyes peer back at Hongjoong’s pale, bruised face. You knew he was dead, as soon as you saw it happen. There was no saving him. Your internal thoughts are shattered by the interruption of the ambulance and police sirens waning and screeching in. The deafening silence of the gathered crowd disperse immediately in a clattered rush. The ringing in your ears didn’t help. You felt everything and nothing at the same time.

What was it now, this was the fourth time. Fourth time for what?

The fourth time you saw him die.

No matter what you did, it was always some variation of the same outcome. You were beginning to lose hope. Was it even possible? Had you been told someone could die four times three weeks ago, you would have only laughed. You didn’t know through how many timelines would have to travel through to find one where you and Hongjoong could peacefully live together.

Once again, timelines. Laughable really, sounds like it’s out of some cliché sci-fi or action story. Time travel?

“M’aam! M’aam? Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you with us-?” Several voices seem to hoard you and you feel yourself being shaken. Your focus your vision seeing three officers looking concerned at your apathetic expression. “M’aam?”

You murmur with a dull smile as you start to feel the world around you spin; a familiar feeling, the feeling you felt the first three times whenever everything went horribly wrong, “Goodbye.”

Excruciating pain was what you could describe it. The closest thing you could compare it to was being electrocuted by a thousand lightning bolts or being forced to touch the flaming sun. You felt as if you were being burned alive. The world was painted flashing white and your ears ring aggressively. That was when you realised you were travelling to another timeline. To experience it all the once more, except in a different set of events.

You weren’t going to give up. You were going to find the best timeline. No matter what. You and Hongjoong were going to have a happy ending.

You didn’t know what being above bestowed you these powers. You didn’t know who else had these powers or whether it was just you, but either way with a irreplaceable gift like this. You weren’t going to waste it. You couldn’t lose Kim Hongjoong no matter what.

It goes pitch black. Blacker than the darkest of nights.

[ Play: This! ]

You gasp ever so loudly as you begin to regain feeling in your body and your breathing begins to straighten out and light floods in. You finally open your eyes.

The feeling of the soft white duvet and quilt soothes your fingertips. You were sat up in your bed- drenched in sweat. You peer around absorbing the painstakingly familiar setting of your cream toned bedroom. It had seemed as though you had just awoken from a horrid nightmare, but you truly knew that was far from the truth to how real it was.

This was merely attempt number five. You couldn’t afford to mess up. You needed to think clearly about things from now on and not rush into everything.

You let out a yawn and become disgruntled at how your loose, cotton shirt stuck to your body from the sweat. God, you needed a soothing morning shower. Plus, crying in the shower was perhaps a good way to wind out the emotion. You throw aside your duvet and stretch your arms whilst groaning. Soaking in your surroundings, you begin to go through your regular morning routine.

It was always the same. From what you noted from the previous timelines you had traversed through, everything seemed the same, of course you couldn’t predict everything, since there would be little differences here and there yet mostly details like where things were, how you lived and how Hongjoong lived and how you two came to know each other from your early days in college all stayed the same. The outcome from this same morning onwards was what would be able to be changed through your actions.

You grab your soft towel and fresh set of clothes to take with you to the bathroom. You spot your phone laying in charge on your desk. From what you expect, you expected a good morning text from Hongjoong before he left for work. He always left you a good morning message if you didn’t wake up first of course. You shakily smile, you had to try hard to erase the image of his lifeless, bloody body. He was alive and well...for now at least.

You grasp your cold phone in your hand and lightly tap the screen after removing the white cable. Your heart drops. Huh? What’s this? You peer at your phone screen, two things were missing. Firstly, absolutely no notifications. Where was the text on the 5th of November? The starting date you would always rewind to. Yes, it was indeed the 5th of November, but no text? Secondly, your phone wallpaper; a simple preset phone wallpaper. What the fuck was going on? Why were things THIS different?

It put you at unease. Yes there were usual small differences between timelines, but these were notably huge. Did you stumble upon a timeline further away from the previous ones? You open up your phone with your Face ID, you hurriedly search for your endless text conversations with Joong. Nothing. You feel your blood run cold. You scroll through your contacts, nothing, no contact saved as Hongjoong; you scroll through your camera roll, not a single trace of Hongjoong. What the fuck was going on? You weren’t expecting this at all?

Your breathing hastens and you feel yourself beginning to tremble as panic floods your system. You didn’t understand what was happening. Did he not exist? Did you travel one too many timelines and fuck things up that badly to the point the universe is punishing you by him not even existing at all? However so cruel.

Your knees feel as though they are going to betray you and buckle. It all felt too much. Tears begin to line your eyes. God, you felt lost. You disorientedly place your towel and clothes down on the snow coloured desk. You accidentally bump into your chair and you hear a clatter startling you as realise something had dropped to the floor. This was all so different to what you were used to. You didn’t like this unpredictability.

You crouch to the floor and spot your camera. It was a vintage camera that your mother had gifted for your 20th birthday knowing how much loved photography. Considering your whole career was based on it, you’d consider this vital. Ignoring the amount of times you’ve accidentally dropped it, you’re surprised it’s still in one piece and working flawlessly.

You pick up the camera teary-eyed. Hongjoong and you had made so many memories throughout college, and afterwards with this camera. You’d take this with you whenever you two would go out to snap every moment together. You notice how empty your wall looked; once where many Polaroids hung up. A single tear rolls down the curve of your cheek. You turn on the camera and begin tapping various buttons trying to check if anything remained on the camera’s storage.

Your eyes brighten up and you let out a gasp of relief. Every tap of the arrow, more and more pictures of you and Hongjoong, various places you hung out together and precious moments that you had engraved into your memory were still there. Shockingly so, there were memoirs from alternative timelines too. It was odd, despite all other traces of Hongjoong being gone, this remained. Almost as though this camera was outside the realm of time. It was a relic of its own.

You place the camera down. You needed to find Hongjoong. You have to start with his social media. God, you didn’t have to go through so much trouble before. This must mean...he..you frown, he must not know who you are in this timeline. You must not have met in college, you probably aren’t even best friends. You shake your head determined, this is a large scale turn of events, perhaps this is for the best.

All of this started when you fell for him anyway. You couldn’t let your destiny be a constant anti-climax. You were the one writing your destiny. A rare opportunity.

You’d take extra care this time and not rush into things. You’d plan everything out. You will not make the same mistakes and this time you’d need to think outside the box. Not everything is predictable and you learnt that the first four times.

You’d begin your new tale. After a good shower and a hefty cry of course.

———-////———

[ Play: This!]

Your first train of thought was to find out if Hongjoong was even in the same city as you. You were terrified at the thought he was maybe somewhere across the world. You knew the man liked to travel a shit-ton. Luckily for you, with an intensive search online, you’ve managed to find a few of his social media accounts. He keeps most of them on private except one or two. You have an epiphany as you go to the social media of the café he works at and realise there’s several pictures of him. Thank fuck. He still works at that cute café.

Your eyes widen at the caption of a post of him holding one caramel macchiato: “Our pretty Assistant Manager holding up our signature caramel macchiato! Limited 2 for one offer, come by and visit us!” You smile taking in his features. Okay so maybe the only huge thing that changed was now...you were nothing but a stranger to him. He didn’t even know you existed.

Your fingers delicately feel the screen, your eyes glazing over, “I’ll be with you soon. I won’t lose you this time, Joong.” His wavy black locks and dainty silver earrings that shimmer in the light. He always loved accessories, including his own self-made accessories. He loved creating things; an artist at heart. You admired it.

You were sure this time, things were going to be different. You could feel it.

Quickly, you grab a notepad and begin writing down what occurred in each of your past timelines, everything from, what happened, to what went wrong, how it began, how it ended. You needed to organise and plan yourself appropriately this time. You realise every time, you had kick started things, you pulled the ropes, you played puppeteer with Hongjoong and your actions. You hid everything from Joong. You orchestrated everything so painfully the last four times to avoid and distasteful outcomes yet it always ended up in him getting hurt or dying in some pointless manner.

What if…? Your gears start grinding, your cogs and gears spin in your mind as you think intensively. What if you didn’t kick start anything. Surely the universe was there to guide you. You needed to remain a third party. You couldn’t just go up to Hongjoong and randomly act as if you had known him forever. You needed him to come to you by his own accord.

Your eyes flicker back to the vintage camera lying on your desk. All of your photos that you took from many timelines were on there. That’s it.

That was it! You have a revelation. The camera. Use the camera! You had to leave him clues. You had to let him discover who he was to you. Who you were to him. Maybe even in the slightest hope, thay you could at least become best friends by the end of all this, even if it meant giving up your love for him. At least he doesn’t need to die, if that were the case.

That was it. You had to try. You’d stay on the sidelines for now. You had to leave a trail. A trail of memories.

——-//////——-

The icy metallic touch spreads across your fingertips as you grab your camera and walk down a set of small stairs onto the pavement. It’s well into the autumn season with which came bursts of various colours of autumnal leaves of oranges ranging from deep salamander to light apricot, even shades of decaying browns of burgundy and chocolate with simmering shades of reds, rubies and cayennes. Autumn, was truly a beautiful season of its own. One of your favourite seasons actually.

The way your warm breath swirls and dances in the air. The chilly air kisses your skin as you walk in the street towards somewhere you always visited, okay perhaps not in this timeline but previous ones. The café where Hongjoong worked at. It was a well off café, it was quite popular with a few other franchises across the city. You loved it and the food and drinks there were absolutely delicious. Hongjoong loved working there too.

[Play: This!]

The café finally is within your vision and you quicken your pace with camera in hand. This was risky, for sure. You printed out one of your Polaroids with him with the place written underneath and your name and his. This should give him a good starting point. You just hope that the universe is willing to cooperate with you. You’d also leave the camera. There were so many photos of you together. You absolutely KNEW Hongjoong would in no way leave a vintage camera by itself. He wouldn’t ignore it by any means.

You push past the doors and seat yourself. You’re greeted by staff to take your order and you do so accordingly. You realise Hongjoong is probably at the back of the store and not on waiting duty as of now. You smile delighting yourself in the aroma and taste of your order for awhile. You notice his head peek out of the double door leading into the kitchen. He looked as stunning as ever. You feel your heart clenching in your chest; he was right there. Yet you were just a mere customer, a stranger to him.

You never could understand why every time it felt as though you had seen him for the first time. With the way his umber irises glow and twinkle when he speaks and peers around. Or how his pearlescent teeth peek under his rosy lips to form a smile that you could only so much describe as sent from the heavens above. His dewy skin, you knew felt soft to the touch, as though feeling the finest of velvet. Speaking of soft, his ebony wispy locks of hair were indeed something you always running your hands through. You could still remember the slight citrusy scent of his favourite shampoo.

“Done with the dishes! I got the desserts lined up too, yeah? Anything else?” He remarks with a gleaming grin at the other member of staff. His voice was unique in its own right. It had a hollow tone to it, rather airy you could say. A light roughness to it at time, but it was something you enjoyed listening to. Him talking was wonderous in your eyes. He always said the same about your voice. He loved hearing your voice just as much as you loved hearing his. Hongjoong would listen to you when no one else would, you’d never experience an anecdoche with him.

You continue eating the delicious meal before placing the money on the table along with the one polaroid and finally the camera on top. Your plan was beginning now. You had to remain patient, and understanding. You had to remember, as of now Hongjoong doesn’t even know you exist.

With a final parting tap on the camera, you walk out of the café rather hastily. You didn’t want to look creepy, you really didn’t but you stood beside the window pretending to be on your phone for a bit; you had to make sure at least someone took notice or takes the camera and alerts Hongjoong about it. You bite you lip in nervousness, “Please, please, Joong. Take it.”

After a minute or so you spot Joong walking over to your table (where you sat,). You hold your breath as a dark cloud of anxiety looms over you. Was he going to ignore it?

Hongjoong murmurs, “Huh? The girl sat here, she..did she not realise she left her entire camera behind-god, it’s an expensive vintage one too. How careless, the fuck?”

You honestly could facepalm right now at his response, but hey, even if he’s complaining, at least he noticed it. It makes you smile endearingly, it wasn’t out of character for him to act like this. He loved cameras as much as you did. You feel your feet moving, as much as you wanted to know what was next, you also didn’t want to feel like a whole creep staring at him through a window. For now, you just to hope that the universe would cooperate mediocrely with you. With that, you start walking back home with a heavy heart and cloudy mind.

[ Play: This! ]

Meanwhile, Joong’s brows furrowed in confusion and he hums rather bewildered, “Where the hell did she go?” His hands turn and twist the camera as he peers at it. He was internally screaming at the strange girl who left a unbelievably expensive camera model behind. She clearly wasn’t coming back, she even left the bill here.

Hongjoong mutters, “God, this has to be some sort of wannabe photographer, no real photographer would so carelessly leave their precious camera around like this. Nah, she has to come back realising it’s go-“ He stops mid-sentence. His eyes catch light of a Polaroid peeking out behind the small pile of cash. He pulls it out and his blood runs cold.

He feels his hand trembling slightly at the image that beholds him behind the glare of the light above. It was, who he assumed the owner of this so called camera, and...and him? They seemed to be surrounded by grass, and right at the top, just the hint of a river bank, looked like just beside the Han River maybe?

His pupil eyes shake slightly terrified. Why...Why was he there? He has never met this girl in his life? He inspects the photo closer; they were sat on a light pink blanket of sorts- a picnic. No...he doesn’t remember this at all, he would have definitely remembered going out for a picnic, especially with someone so...pretty?

His thoughts seem muddled. Hongjoong almost felt disoriented. What was happening? That was most definitely him. Yet who was she? Why was she with him? Why was he wanting to stare more and more at the heart-warming picture. Both him and the girl seeming to be ever so happy in the photo. His heart beat raises exponentially. It felt so...familiar.

Hongjoong groans thinking incredibly hard, “Picnic...picnic..where-“ A pang. A sharp pain hits the back of his head. A flash of white.

“Joong! Fuck’s sake, you knocked over the bowl! Pick it up, I’ll get a tissue. Ruined our fucking fruit salad.” She laughs with a playful anger.

Hongjoong cackles, with a mischievous grin. “Not completely my fault, you were the one making me laugh so hard.” He cooes as he helps pick up the sodden cubes of cut up fruit from the pink blanket.

The girl in front of him seemed ethereal in his eyes as she smiles back up at him, “Yeah, yeah whatever you say, Joong.”

He picks up a strawberry from another small box and he holds it up to her lips. Her eyes widen with a small flustered expression on her face. “Cute”, he thinks. She takes a bite into the held strawberry; the pale pink syrup staining her lips. Hongjoong smiles before leaning forward, meeting his soft lips with hers. A sweet, strawberry flavoured kiss to start a picnic off; how romantic. He murmurs with a flirtatious hum parting from her, “These strawberries taste super sweet hm?”

“God, you’re so-“ She laughs flustered, playfully shoving him.

[Play: This! ]

Hongjoong gasps clutching his head in agony as he comes back to reality. “What the fuck was that?,” he thinks to himself. Disorientedly, he stumbles almost knocking himself into the table. That felt so real...almost as if he had experienced it himself. How could it not be? This can’t be. What the fuck was going on? His heart was racing incredibly fast. His breathing is irregular. This wasn’t normal. The sparks flying around his chest; the way his body was responding. It felt as though he had some sort of connection with her. This mysterious café visitor, this girl? Just who was she?

His fingertips brush over his lips delicately, that kiss felt so sweet, so real. What he had with her; was clearly romantic. He almost didn’t want it to end. What hsppened? Hongjoong grasps the camera to his chest and turns it on; he attempts to find the workings of the camera and he manages to flick through what seems through countless images.

God, he was on shift right now, he wouldn’t have time to look through these. However all he knew was that he was in every single photo. Every single one. Her and himself. For now, he’d take it with him, perhaps wait for her to return to this café, maybe. For now that’s all he could do.

He felt a connection that was right. Foreign but right. Hongjoong felt as though he needed to talk to her, she definitely had to have left this camera and photo here for a reason. For him...for him to find it right?

His mind was flashing with all sorts of foreign images, memories almost?

“I love you, Hongjoong.”

“You don’t understand how much you mean to me, Joong.”

“You understand no matter what happens, no one, and nothing will get between us, you understand?”

“Nothing you say to me will be a burden, Joong.”

“If I could, I’d spend all my lifetimes with you Joong.”

“Oh fuck-! JOONG- H-Hongjoong! Fucking wake up-wake up please-“

What had he just stumbled upon? His head hurt immensely.

He shakily peers at the polaroid photo and he noticed something on the back. Written:

(y/n) and Hongjoong, 19.08.18 - summer picnic with Joong ♡︎

Follow your heart, Joong. ♥︎ - a simple message at the bottom.

Yet, that was all he needed to begin the hunt for answers for what seemed to be the biggest mystery he had ever encountered in his life.

[jyunshiim]

Catharsis *✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷Jungkook X Reader au | Part 1

Genre → supernatural | some angst | romance | historical (ish) 

Contains → vampire!Jungkook | romance | supernatural concepts | 

Listen to →  Catharsis

Word count → 12K ( 12247 )

TW → some mentions of death, blood and gore

Chapters/sequels → coming soon 

Summary:  After being told the Tales of Prince Jungkook, you were curious to discover more about the history of your town and the abandoned castle you were forbidden to enter. You discover who he is and why he was he had such fate but you also discover who you really are. Little did you know, your family’s history and the towns history intertwined. Will the past ever leave you?

Centuries ago, legend had it that vampires and werewolves and many other supernatural creatures roamed the grounds of your hometown. The mountains were inhabited by these supernatural creatures and the mortals objected to sharing the land with these callous creatures since they believed they were bad luck. This mystical town was at the edge of war; riots between the mortals and immortals would transpire every full moon, blood and wounds in every direction. Of course, the King sat and observed; what more could he do when the two separated societies loathed each other. There was little power over the hatred they had for each other, nothing could keep them apart for the selfish humans craved destruction, blood and death. The Castle sat towering over the town, holding its status. Red skies sheathed the firmament that loomed over the now silent town as the King stands at the large stained glass window that looked over into the town. He could see the clear separation between the mortals and the and immortals; he sighed. As much as the King tried to keep them civil, it would never happen. He turned around to see his son gazing at the shelves and the paintings that were hug up in the King’s private study room which was located in the tallest tower of the castle. His finger brushes over the leather cover of the books and took one that was a book on Folklore which interested him the most. “Father, can I borrow this?” He holds it up to his father and his father nods in affirmation. The son takes the book and runs down the spiral staircase and finally down the large staircase that faced the vast wooden double doors to the castle. He pulled the rings on the door to open them and ran down to the front green space which was enclosed by evergreen trees arrayed along the front. He went down and sat on the verdant grass, the evening air gentle and pleasant. He flicked the page open; there was a contents page on all these supernatural creatures from vampires, witches, psychics, sirens, werewolves and many others. He was invested, he wanted to learn more about these creatures, but he didn’t know the history of his bloodline. Years prior to 1864, the King studied Vampires and how to kill these creatures, how to abolish such vile specimen. His family were hunters and studied how to capture, torture and kill vampires. He peacefully read the piece of literature, immersing himself and broadening his knowledge. He heard the sound of heels climbing up the stairs of the castle and it was none other than she, the love of his life, the one the Prince was going to marry. She was beautiful, divine piece of art, everything he ever wanted. He jumped up onto his feet dropping the book onto the grass. “Evening my dear Prince, Jungkook,” she curtsied to you. He felt his heart thump out of his chest. “Oh please, do enter my father must be waiting for your arrival,” Jungkook opens the door like the gentleman he is. Her smile was everything to him, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He kept a photo she gave him as a token of devotion and love, she loved him too, but she waited for the time the King arranged the royal wedding.

As the love of his life walks into the main hall, he goes back to grab his book which has seemed not to be where he dropped it. This was a strange occurrence, and he didn’t know what he did with it. Jungkook began frantically searching behind the bushes until someone pushed him over to the other side of the bush. “looking for this your majesty?” A tall male with a dark demeanour approached from behind him holding the Folklore book. Jungkook was angered by the utter disrespect he experienced and tried to grab this disrespectful man. “uh uh, it’s not very royal of you to grab a commoner like this is it?” he scoffed. As Jungkook blinked, the man vanished – where did he go – Jungkook was confused. He brushed himself off and sighed as he attempted to go back into the castle but he was tackled with super speed by this man. Everything turned black. He awakens, his neck and head in pain and his stomach growling in hunger. He thought he was pushed over and hurt his head and neck, only having a minor concussion on his head.

He thought nothing of it, the man must’ve attacked you since the King wasn’t favoured by a lot of people, so the prince was leverage to get back at him. He gulped, trying to cure his dry throat and entered back into the palace. The girl was sat at the dinner table along with his father and the girl’s assistant. She was a part of a rich family so her status was compatible with him. “Son where have you been? Why do you look so…. Pale?” The inspects him as Jungkook’s breathing became heavier. “Son are you unwell? Servants, take him to his quarters!” his father demanded. The girl’s assistant looked at Jungkook concerned, she knew what was wrong and little did the King know, she was a descendant of the most powerful of witches concealed as a commoner that would assist the wealthy family’s prized possession – their daughter- since she was the only half witch, wealthy child in the town. The daughter was also a part of the same bloodline, they were cousins of course although the daughter’s mother married a rich man, who was a powerless human being making her less powerful. As Jungkook was escorted to his slumber quarters he lay there in cold sweat.

“Your Majesty, would I have your permission to see your son to just examine his condition?” the assistant pleaded. The King agrees to the offer; “oh yes, please feel free, please tell me what’s wrong with him!” the King sounded concerned. She nods as she runs up the stairs holding her dress and stand outside his door. “May I come in?” she knocks with respect and manner. There was no reply or response so there was no choice but to open the door on her own, so she twisted the door handle and gulped. She gasped in absolute horror to see Jungkook drenched in the blood of his servants with the tall, broad shouldered man next to him. “well done my little fledgling, your first taste of human blood,” he smirked before going towards the witch. “Why are you here?” he asks the witch. “ Seokjin I could ask you the same! Why did you turn the PRINCE out of all people!” her voice was angry and infuriated. “just a bit of fun my magic potion,” he strokes her shoulder, or attempts to before he hisses. “hmm ouch extra witchy protection…” he scoffs “ well Prince Jungkook’s going to need one of your fancy sunlight protecting rings like your great-great grandmother made me, see you later.” He sits at the edge of the window before shifting into a crow and vanishing into the nothingness of the forest. What could she tell the King? She didn’t want him to become exiled or even worse, executed!

That’s what your aunt used to tell you. The tales of the vampires and the numerous supernatural creatures that roamed the town you lived in and how the castle that sat on the mountain was a chamber of secrets that no one dared to discover. It was said that anyone who even attempted to enter would either disappear or have vivid night terrors – it was deemed to be so haunted. “That sounds so cool!” your voice sounded vivacious “now I wanna go and see for myself!” but your aunt gave you a disapproving look. “I don’t think that would be the most ideal thing to do, don’t even dare!” she raised her voice, moving her hair out of her face as she began to gather the utensils from the side of the sink to dry them up and put them away. Your great grandmother gave you a family heirloom that was a blue crystal locket which was filled with a flower and another gem like stone which had a carved white rose on the surface. Your before she passed away, she told you to take care of it and to never lose it. You didn’t know why but you kept her word and wore it all the time. “so what happened to the prince after? Did the king ever find out?” You ask. “Your grandmother would know this, It’s just a story anyway but I think this is what happened,” she begins and continues the captivating tale of Prince Jungkook.

Shortly after the maids encounter with Seokjin, she turned around and heard rattling at the door but before she count meet whoever was outside, she failed to keep it closed and his lover ended up finding him in this condition; the fear in her eyes flooding her mind and showing on her face. Little did she know vampires fed off fear since adrenaline was what made blood sweeter and more available. He charged at her before the witch warded him off with the poisoned Vervain scalding his face making him whimper like a puppy. “you-”his lovers voice cracked, ““BEAST! FIEND! Stay away from me-” his lover screamed in terror. The witch shut the door on him and put her necklace with other magic and herbs on the handle of the door so he couldn’t open it. Jungkook’s lover ran down the stairs, stumbling and tripping but not caring, not giving a second though as to where she is running to. “where are you going!” the King tried to stop. “Your son- t-the Prince,” her words stumbled upon each other, “VAMPIRE” she yelled before running out of the palace, Jungkook watching the love of his life leaving him forever.

“what happened next? This is getting too good to stop here Aunt,” you lean on your hands at the island counter as she cooks dinner. “Hm, from what I can remember she told me that he had to be exiled probably executed too”

The Prince spent weeks in his room not being able to leave until the King brought in priests and organised a ceremony for everyone to attend although by everyone, he meant just the supernaturals. He didn’t like what he was going to do to his son, but he had to do as much as he could to keep his people safe even if that meant to kill his own son. During that ceremony, which was held at a local church, he trapped all the vampires inside and transported Jungkook to the building. He was chained like an animal and thrown into the building like he meant nothing. The supernaturals congregated outside the venue which was an ancient church that was built by the commoners many years prior to 1864. The doors opened to rows of concreate seats facing to the front of the church, wooden supports holding up the ceiling above the immortals and the alter standing at the front empty for a little while. Everyone was seated, the immortals though that them and the mortal King had a civil relationship- they were wrong. The ceremony started and Seokjin sat at the back and watched Jungkook sitting on the backrow, starved. “awh seems like someone was held hostage,” he snickers before getting his composure back. “Just a joke but you know what’s happening right?” Seokjins eyes widen excitedly, “this is a mass execution, he’s blowing the church up… bOOM!” He laughed hysterically “I know this only because this church had been rebuilt before because the same happened to me,” He sits beside you. “what! Blown up?” Jungkook asks, “yeah but it’s fine, I just wanna keep you by my side,” he smirks before searching for an escape route and little did the King know, Seokjin has been around for many years and knew the underground tunnel systems, so behind the alter was the entrance to the underground tunnels. There was a short pause before starting since the King forgot his ‘speech’ and had to go and find it in his carriage however that was when it was all going to happen. And it did.

“So did Prince Jungkook survive?” you question at the cliffhanger. “No one knows but legend has it that his spirit still lingers in the castle and the church and on top of that you can hear his angelic voice down every hallway,” you felt shivers down your spine. You wanted to see it for yourself; was it true the castle was still functioning as normal like people said. Your brother opens the front door and walks in beaten and bruised. “Namjoon! What happened?” the tone in your voice your voice sounded startled! It had been months since he got into a fight and it was usually over something stupid but this time something felt strange. “what happened? Answer me!” your aunt raise her voice.  Even if he was 20 he still needed some discipline since you both lost your parents at a young age. “fight, what else?” he throws his shows aside near the door and runs up the stairs slamming his bedroom door. Your aunt sighs’ “you two are making me feel old!” you get up from your seat and help her with the table, “but you’re very pretty though so don’t you worry.” Your mind lingered about the forbidden area of the town, where the new bell towered church sat, on the boarder of the road to the castle and the main town.

It was a new semester and you entered the school with confidence as your two best friends waited at the entrance for you. After the long summer, you, Jimin and Yoongi were finally united as a trio again and caught up on your summer away. “so, where did you go?” Jimin asked as he fixed the raven brooch on his jacket. “Oh, I just went to the countryside to see my grandmother and she told me all sorts of weird stories about our family, not going to lie they didn’t sound real, but her great grandmother was a witch!” the fascination in your voice being clear and present. “so that would mean you’re a witch, through descent!” Yoongi wonders, “but witches aren’t real?” you shake your head. “No, Yoongi, apparently according to her we also have psychics in our family so I could be either there’s a possibility!” you sounded crazy to them but you brushed it off because you know what you were told. Maybe it wasn’t real, your grandmother is old and stories can change over time. They’re stories after all. “maybe you’re right Yoongi, maybe it is just stories,” you continue walking with them. Despite being a new semester, it didn’t feel different at all. You wondered around to your class and placed your bag on the floor, your necklace falling out of your bag made another student turn their head. “Hey, you,” the person called out and you turned your head pointing to yourself. “me?” you tilt your head. “yeah, where did you get this collector’s item from?” He sounded so fascinated by it, “oh sorry for just taking it off you, I just love collector items especially when they have close historical links with the town!” he smiles “I’m Taehyung by the way!” he hands the necklace back to you and you held it back in your hands and wore it around your neck again to not lose it. For your films class you were put into pairs to produce a short film of any genre. There wasn’t anyone you really knew in the class although everyone has some acquaintances in the class so you glance over at Taehyung who twiddles his pen, leaning on his palm. It seems like he was waiting for someone to pair up with him. “you must me joking,” you mutter to yourself before you take your stuff and seat yourself next to him. “about time, I thought you’d move sooner to be fair,” he smiled at you, the curl on his forehead sitting peacefully before he blows it away from his face. “what you staring at? My curls,” he messes with you. “whatever, we need to plan our film, what are you into?” you ask him and he ponders with a pout, “I like documentary, what about you?” so you think. “I mean I don’t really mind, documentary is easy but maybe a short film would be so cool especially with the whole spooky history, what do you think?” Taehyung nods. “I supposed that’s a good idea too, we could combine them if we tried hard enough and I don’t know what kind of worker you are.” He rolls his eyes and then flashes a playful smile. God how cocky. He seemed like a nice guy so you let it be and tried to write up a plan for your class. Although once the bell went, you thought he’d leave – like every other project buddy you had – but he asked if you were doing anything after school. “oh, umm no I’m probably going to do some homework or start reading up for other classes, why?” he smiles softly, “oh I was wondering if you wanted to do anything interesting, only if you want!” You paused and stopped walking. “depends what it is?” you hoped it wasn’t something weird. “wanna go exploring?” the bells in your head started to ring. Did he just say exploring, as in discovering new things. “exploring what…” you drag on “oh come on, the forest! No one has been there in years god knows what we could find!” His voice was ecstatic. You didn’t want to be impulsive; “hmm I’ll let you know,” you shrug before you turn to go to the cafeteria, “wait! Heres’ my number if you’re interested” you take the piece of paper that seemed crumpled up and thank him, waving him goodbye. You see Jimin at his locker; “Hey!” you made him jump and he groaned, “oi, don’t do that that scared me, where’s yoongi?” he asks looking around. “I don’t know, I haven’t seen him since class?” but as you said that, he walks around the corner. “I see you made an impression on Taehyung,” he nods at you, “how did you know?” your eyes widened. “He’s going around telling false tales about him being a part of the hunter bloodline and how he found a witch or something, so I assumed he was talking about you” Yoongi whistled before heading to the cafeteria. You were confused, how did he even know that. “must be one compulsive liar,” Jimin snickers before punching Yoongi. “Possibly” he shrugs but it made you think how Yoongi didn’t believe you about the witch thing so there could be an element of truth. You were curious.

Home was where you felt safe yet so limited. A wooden box with a silver latch sat at your window ledge, entreating you to open it and discover what was inside. It was gifted by none other than your great-grandmother; and you glanced at it, your fingers twitching to unclip the lock. You ignore it, trying to dedicate your focus to your trigonometry homework however you felt an energy calling you. You tutted and groaned at your focus being dismantled by your frantic thoughts; you dropped you pen and slammed your book shut, walking over to the window where the box sit.

“this box should be kept near the window to ward off any supernatural energy to keep you safe.”

Your grandmother said weird and wacky things however you went along with it. You wanted to open the box and you went against your grandmother’s rules and sat at your window ledge but before opening the box, you realised that there were lights on at the vampire castle. Your jaw dropped and your eyes widened in joy – were you imagining things – you rubbed your eyed however they weren’t a figment of your imagination. It was real. You wanted to yell at your aunt to let her know but she already thought you were crazy so you left it and opened the box. It was an amethyst necklace with a silver spiral trapping the get and a purple and white flower inside and along with the necklace was a letter written a long time ago, it was concealed with a wax seal and carefully placed inside of the box. Your curiosity was intensified by the castle and you thought to yourself for a bit. Didn’t Taehyung want to go exploring? Maybe now would be a good idea but no, you wanted to see for yourself on your own. “hey, can I come in?” your Aunt asks knocking on the door so you leaped onto your bed and grabbed a textbook. “yes, you can!” you said slightly breathless. “I have some snacks for you, eat up,” she says before looking at your window wide open, “so what’s this then?” she sets some warm soup on your desk. “oh, it was just getting a bit stuffy” your nervously chuckle. She narrows her eyes, “alright, eat up alright, I’m going to watching a show, if you need me in downstairs.” She lets you know before shutting your door. You couldn’t let the soup go cold so you eye it for a moment before sighing and sitting at your desk, both hands cupping the curve of the bowl and, you guessed it, downed it in one go. You wiped your mouth fast and think of a route out and looking outside of your bedroom didn’t seem like a far jump down. You grabbed your phone and your jacket and tried to sneak out. It was a success. You sighed in relief and walked down the back streets, hood up, to the forest.

Dancing in the dark.

Stumbling through the leaves and decaying animals, you managed to enter the mystical forest you dreamed of going into you. The air was different, it stung to breathe in but perhaps that was the cold weather who knows. You hear a crunch of a twig snapping in half which startled you, your head whipped around to see nothing but the leaves swaying in the icy breeze. Inhale. Exhale. You went on your way further. The darkness made it difficult to see anything, you squint your eyes to check your surroundings. Are there still these supernatural creatures living or were they all killed off? The buzzing in your mind catches you off guard and you strip on a piece of concrete and reach out to grab the leafy floor although it was another concrete brick like textured object. Frantically, you search for your phone and press the flash button to see a staircase. A gasp leaves your mouth and you stand yourself up. The towering structure, two turrets and one fragmented turret loomed over you dauntingly. “that must be where he was held..” you whisper to yourself. A flash occurred from the corner of your eye and you were shaken by the suddenness of it. It seemed like a candlelight was blown out from the middle room of the castle but you weren’t too certain. You were hesitant to go inside but you took a deep breathe and you did. How bold of you. The doors were tall, around 7 feet tall with two ring handles, which seemed to be made out of a type of metal. The colour was faded and rusty. Your fingers brushed over it but the heavy, wooden doors gracefully opened welcomingly. The relinquished palace had a strong aura, an aura of life. You peer through the doors to see the interior cold and untouched. The mess of the table, an earring to gleaming in the moonlight next to your feet. You pick it up. This must be Prince Jungkook’s lover’s earring. You begin to explore this castle, the unbelievable history was at your finger tips right now. You look up to the stained glass windows that looked to the full moon, your necklace was shining bright… brighter than usual. Your curiosity took you to the broken turret room, the bed soaked in blood from that specific evening, the box let wide open with crystals and stone. “That must be from my grandmother,” you pick up the crystals, “holy water and herbs, what a great pair.” A voice spoke from behind your startling you. You turned around but no one was there; was it his voice still echoing in this room, does his spirit still roam?

“no, don’t be stupid, spirits can’t scream,” He chuckles. Why did he sound a lot like Taehyung? “Taehyung?” you stutter, “oh! It worked, wow I’m so happy,” Jungkook chuckles, “years of practice what can I say, the Kim’s were easy to mirror.”

You couldn’t believe it, it really was him in real life but you froze from fear and shock. “frightened now are we?” his eyes were glowing an fiery red, “go ahead, run like they all did,” he smirks before giving you way. You drop the crystals and you clutch to your necklace but as you bolt to the front door, stumbling down the stairs, he was already there waiting for you. “hm I’ve gotten quite good at this haven’t I My Love,” he smirks before you felt a pang of fear in your heart. You tripped over the concrete stairs again and you get back up again, running to the main town. Little did you know, you lost your necklace making you a lot more vulnerable than you think.

You climb onto the bins and try to pry your window open again and sneak back in. The lights were off so you had to be quiet. “my necklace!” you gasp at the realisation you lost it.

Your nightmares were vivid, like your were being attacked by him since you didn’t feel safe without your necklace. You didn’t know what it did but it kept you safe.

The necklace helps keep you safe from compulsion. Compulsion from a vampire is dangerous especially when they know you’re a witch, they can almost ask you for anything and use you for their own benefit. The necklace should always be worn, never taken off. The ring a vampire wears is keeps them from scorching in the sunlight, so they are among us – Witches society 1800’s

“Whatever, I’ll go back and find it,” you shake your head and open your eyes during the early hours of the morning. Two glowing orbs moved from your window and you rubbed your eyes and turned away. Your heart beat hard, like it was going to beat out of your chest.

You felt uneasy the next day at school but you went on as you would do. “have you seen Taehyung today?” Jimin asks pointing at him standing against his locker with your necklace in his hands. Anger flooded through your blood stream, why does HE have it? “Taehyung! Why did you take my necklace again?” you seemed to have forgotten what happened the night before. “what? I found this at the ca-“ he stopped himself, “hm, I see.. apologies here take it back,” he hands to you with a glint of mischief in his eyes, “only if you promise to help me find him.” You gasped at the absurd deal but you wanted to find him too, you wanted to know more. “fine..” you sigh and he smirks, “perfect…”

Why did you forget about what happened last night? Was it because you were under some sort of compulsion; the orbs? It must’ve been him. “Did you know your ancestors were from the line of the most powerful witches?” Taehyung whispers to you in film class. “yes, I did, how do you even know that?” You reply dryly. “Well your ancestors were of great help to us hunters,” he leans back in his chair, “although some of you were in love with the Prince and his family,” he scoffs. What did he mean by that? “huh? Elaborate please?” you ask him, pausing your written plan and turning to him. “My ancestors left letters, diaries and capsules for us and there was a division amongst the witches; some of you lot protected the prince and others wanted him dead so all the vervain plants in this town and perhaps all over the world were cursed as a repellent for compulsion, some other magic stuff was involved but I’m a hunter,” he starts off, “So the Lady of Prince Jungkook had a close link with the witches to protect her lover but unfortunately he turned and her assistant began to protect him since he did a lot for their family, no one knows of what happened to the Lady but legend has it that she was turned by something else I don’t really know and-“ you interrupt him, “you know awfully a lot don’t know hm…” you began to get suspicious of him but the crest on his jacket seemed believable enough. “maybe we should hang out after classes to actually talk about our history” his lips curl and he looks back at the teacher at the front of the room.

Later that afternoon; you and Taehyung sit face to face, opposing each other at a local café. “so, you are from the witches who kept these vampires safe and I’m obviously a hunter,”  you taps his fingers on the table, “you’re not a hunter you’re a descendant don’t get too cocky Tae,” you rolls your eyes. “Have you done magic?” he asks you, “well obviously not?” you take your cup and sip aggressively at his stupid remarks trying to drown it out. “I see, but you know what that necklace does right?” he points at your neck as the stone hung down. You shake your head. “stop compulsion and it’s also a poison to vampires,” he nods. “is it now…” you sounded unfazed. His hand touched your hand and you felt a strange sensation. Your body went into shock and a bright light flashed at your eyes and you were able to see something, like a movie but you were actually there. You saw yourself running away but your were inside of the castle, the lights were bright and you felt fear. You saw people with stakes and fire, as well as bows and arrows shooting at the turrets. It was the day the prince turned. Why were you running away? He lets his hand off you. “how was that? Did you know you could do that?” he smugly smiles. You felt your chest pang with pain and you felt breathless. “what the fuck was that?” you kick him under the table. “you just saw your past life, that’s all…”

So was Jungkook’s lover a witch too? Were you her? You couldn’t be. “I think we should go back to the castle, I want to check something,” you say, “now we’re talking little Witch,” he pats your head. “don’t fucking call me that, “you push his hand away, “disgusting.”

“Hey Aunt, I’m going to a friends house to stay over is that okay?” you ask her politely. “Of course! You can call me whenever you need to okay.” She smiles and waves. This was your chance to collect items from the castle. You met Taehyung at the taped trees where it said ‘no trespassing’ yet you and him crawled underneath and wondered deep inside the forest. “Wow, what if we just kissed here,” he nudged you. “I’ll tell you now, I have zero interest in you Hunter boy, shut up and start looking,” you sounded a tad bit aggressive but you had to show your place. You arrived at the entrance again although no lights in sight. The door was opened from the night before so you walked in, holding your necklace for protection; “I want to go to the study room,” you point and Tae nods. The study room was extravagant the walls opaqued with leather spined books. Your fingers brushed over them until one of them caught your eye. It was a book on Folklore but wedged between it was a thick envelope. You pulled it out, the wax seal opened and a fire damaged letter amongst others. They were love letters exchanged between him and his lover and one of them which he seemed to have opened when he was in the church. He managed to save it. You pull out a photograph too of his lover and you look at it closely, inspecting every detail until realising how much she looked like you. “doppelgänger?” you gasp before Taehyung wonders in finding something. “Hey, has there always been running electricity here?” he asks you. “it’s a really old castle so there shouldn’t be,?” you reply to him, shoving the letters in your bag. Taehyung switches a light on and back off. “you shouldn’t be snooping around my office…” Jungkook sits at his desk, legs up his eyes glinting a fire red. “You know, it’s been a while since I tasted any human blood in years, no one seems to give me any company…” You see a black shadow move to the light switch out the door and back to the seat in under a second. “oh yes and um.. you guys are trapped in here,” he smiles playfully. “now, what should we play? Spin the bottle and the first human it lands on I drain you? Sounds fair right?”

“we didn’t mean any harm, I was just curious what was in here because-” you were interrupted, “I know you didn’t mean any harm witch, I mean him,” his eyes began to burn a bright red, his fangs appearing as he smiled, his eyes dark. “nono, I’m not like them I’m just a highschool kid!” Jungkook nods at him pleading. “you know, the more scared you are the sweeter your blood tastes,” he charges at him and you squeal. “STOP!” Jungkook stops, his fangs and eyes turning back to normal. There was something about you that you didn’t know about yet Jungkook did. “Seems like you missed out on you history classes,” he chuckles before he gazed into Taehyung’s eyes and whispers something. “So, why did you want to snoop into my castle? Steal from me?” he scoffs as Taehyung moves to stand next to you. The necklace was dangling out of your bag and he carefully pulled it out and Jungkook smiled as he did so. “Leave from here..” His eyes glow a yellow this time and there as a feeling within you that you had to leave. Taehyung dropped the necklace to the floor and you had an urge to run away from this castle. Adrenaline began to seep into your system as Jungkook whispers “boo,” you bolted out the door which flung open. The rapid steps you too through the leaves was frantic and desperate to leave. His sly tricks; he used Taehyung’s weak body to compel you. You were vulnerable now.

Weeks went by and you had a memory which you couldn’t remember, a void in your mind, pure emptiness. You move your bag to the floor to empty a seat next to you in your history class but Taehyung wasn’t in today. Although someone else was. He looked familiar and like you knew him but you thought nothing of it. “hey, long time no see?” his lips curl into a smile and pushes his dark hair back. What? But when you blinked he was gone again. You were seeing things and you thought you were genuinely delusional to the point a doctor’s appointment sounded good. “yo guys?” you asked Jimin and Yoongi as you guys sat in the basketball court that lunch break. “Was a new student admitted today or am I going crazy?” You think carefully. “no new students today, you my friend need to lay off the caffeine and start sleeping, you’re up at like 3am every single day?” Jimin sighs, “SLEEP WILL YOU!” Your friends thought you were going a little crazy but you took their advice. You were feeling fatigued and low when you arrived home and your aunt was sitting on the couch with someone. “hey! Your friend came over to return this saying you lost it at school,” it was the necklace you thought you had. What, how? “hey there! Thought I’d come visit you to return this,” he smiles and his eyes glint the amber tone. Fuck. Jungkook compelled you to forget that day you and Taehyung went to the castle, he was playing mind games all day. So he was in school but only in your mind or had some power where he couldn’t be seen? “I was asking your aunt if we could hang out more often since you keep avoiding me these days,” his tongue rests on his fang before retracting them when your aunt faces him. “what a nice boy,” your aunt smiles, “of course you guys can hang out I’m more than happy to allow that, in fact now would be great since I have an interview to go to” she gets up in a hurry and grabs her bag. “where?” you ask her. “The café and bar down the road from here?” your aunt looks at you suspiciously. “Oh okay,” you say nervously before you and Jungkook were left in your house alone together.

“You’re not a very smart witch now are you, a little bit clumsy hm,” he hums, he stands up and moves closer to you. “since I have been invited in, no salt or garlic will ward me off..” he smiles mischievously, “your family gave me permission to enter, a little careless to be quite frank with you,” he rolls his eyes and smirks. “what do you want…” your voice shakes but you feel frozen. “What do you think? New blood…” with his power of speed, pushing your by your shoulders to the wall, his eyes sharp. “don’t mess this up for me okay, don’t do it again…” you felt a surge of emotions and visions moving through your mind, you could feel pain and resent , the feeling of betrayal and devastation, your neck burning on your left side before he let go of you. “You just saw everything didn’t you?” His voice profound. “I-” you gulp “what if I did? I don’t have control over it!” you pant after using that energy. “no one has done that for years, I guess you are useful after all even if you are the dumbest witch I’ve ever seen…” he scoffed. “well I guess I’ll go but I’ll see you when I need you to find her, bye dumb witch” he waves as he just walks out of the front door with no care in the world, like he’s a normal human. “I’M NOT A DUMB WITCH!” you screamed internally before slamming the door. It seemed like he was searching for his lover but why would she be alive now.. unless someone turned her?

A few months went by with no contact from Jungkook until your phone pinged in class this one day during class from a random number.

“look outside the window, meet me outside now.”

What the hell? You did what the text asked you to do and you see Jungkook in a jacket that you recognise. It was a leather jacket embellished with large silver button on the front, isn’t that yoongi’s. “yes witch it is yoongi’s but I didn’t kill him, hurry up,” he could hear your thoughts. You ignore him and moments later the fire alarm goes off. He was like a little demon causing trouble in your life!

You manage to go outside to evacuate, and he pulls you aside and used his powers to move away from the site. “Can you see into the past using this?” it was the letters and the photo you took but he got them back somehow. You didn’t want to admit to stealing them. “I don’t know how to use my powers,” you mutter “what… you don’t what…” he stands towering over you, “just try, I don’t know manifest it or whatever you do?”

He was clueless yet desperate to get answers about his beloved. “I have to read up on this I really don’t know much,” you panic before he holds you hands between his, the letters and photos sandwiched between you palms. He was the closest thing to her and it worked, his energy worked.

–

You saw a night sky, the stars scattered across the sky like precious jewels it’s luminescent light beaming down with a full moon perched just above one of the towers. His beloved stood at the castle doors after Jungkook’s father’s death, the empty halls echoing Jungkook’s shrieks of pain. It was empty, or so she thought. But you felt a sensation, it was harsh and painful like something piercing through skin. It was Seokjin. “every single one of my prey are stupid,” he tuts before draining her and leaving her lifeless corpse to someone else. There was a crowd of people, hunter supposedly; “Stop, isn’t this the woman that was supposed to marry the prince?” One of them gasped. “yes sir, it was but is she dead?” another queries. “Seems so Hunter… do you think Jungkook is still alive?” the leader tuts. “I don’t think so, the fire seemed difficult to escape from…”

But during that time Jungkook left for Europe, to be safe, to join the European vampire population for a while before returning a few hundred years later.

–

Jungkook’s pale skin became paler with anticipation. “so… what did you see?” he asks, eyes full of hope. “she died… a long, long time ago..” you gulp pulling your hands away before running the opposite direction. Jungkook catches up. “Oi witch,” he chuckles nervously, “you better be joking,” his voice trembles and slowly turns into anger. “Who killed her, tell me, tell me how she died witch or I will kill you for being so useless!” he raises his voice. “I don’t know! He had pale skin and dark hair, broad shoulders and he was a vampire too!” you yelp. Jungkook steps back. “seokjin attacked my Princess… knowing I was waiting for her…” Jungkook’s voice became sorrowful, his heart shattering into a million pieces there and then. “I searched for her for years and what’s the point now..” his fiery eyes shoot at you. “what can you do to fix this, to bring her back, you can do it right?”

“I-I don’t know how, please don’t hurt me,” you cover yourself with your arms. “I wont hurt you.. you did the best you could and I cant be angry at you, I’m sorry”

You could feel his pain, his heart tightening and not releasing at the though of the love of his life being gone. “is there anything I can do to help you?” you ask hoping there was something you could help with. “you could stake me?” His voice was lifeless and monotonous. “I don’t think I want to Jungkook, if it makes you feel better I have always been interested in you and your history, my great grandmother told us about how everything was like back in her times and-” Jungkook interrupted you; “who was your great grandmother what did she do?” You felt a connection now, there was something he unlocked. You explained to him how your great grandmother was a part of the powerful witches in her time and how his lover was close with her. Although that’s when it hit you that that was her story she was telling and you unlocked a new timeline. “you are no way the descendant of-“ he paused, “let me process this, so I am talking to a close relative, well distant but you know of the woman I was meant to marry.. it makes so much sense why you looked like her I followed you around every where thinking it was her but I have been proven wrong and I’m sorry…”

he followed me? It all made sense.. the glowing orbs outside the window, the strange noises you’d hear every night, the vivid nightmares.

“oh, that’s fine,” you didn’t know what more to say but you felt bad for him. Jimin texted you and said that everyone was sent home because there was a gas leak in the school. “ah great, we’ve been sent home because of a gas leak,” you sigh, “well, I guess I’ll be going sorry for not being much help.” You say before turning around and making your way to the street. Jungkook grabs your arm. “wait, I’ve been so lonely and constantly on the run,” he begins, “it would be nice to have a friend that’s close to home,” he smiles. He genuinely smiled at you; “me? Didn’t you call me dumb?” you tut, “okay maybe I did and maybe you are but hey there’s no harm in some teasing hm?” he eases on his grip. “well, okay I suppose but where Taehyung?” you ask him suspicious of his intentions. “Oh, I told him to stay away from you since I knew how his ancestors were like, not nice people I’ll tell you,” You nod you head, interested in what he had to say. Maybe this would change things around, make your boring life a little more interesting.

Weeks went by and you didn’t hear from Jungkook which was of surprise to you since HE was the one pleading you almost to be friends. It was around 1am and you sat at your window watching the moon and the stars as the breeze brushes against your legs. You sigh, what a mad world you lived in? People think you’re crazy but the crazy people think you’re fascinating. Funny. You noticed little trinkets and strange objects being wedged or put outside your window. First it was some sort of herb then it was a gold chain with a rose that opened to store powders to other herbal substances in. “Nice moon right?” Jungkook smiles making you yelp nearly tumbling out of the window. “How are you in my ro-“ his finger rests on your lips and hushes you. “Shifting, finally mastered it, wanna go out for a bit and talk?” he asks and flashes a mischievous smile. “1am? Are you crazy?” You gasp. “you’re asking a vampire who eats people if they’re crazy…” you look at him and blink. “I don’t eat people only those who deserve it,” his cheeks puff up as he smiles. “okay fine lemme just ge-“ before you could finish any sentence he grabbed you around your waist and you both were somehow on the ground. “You need to stop doing that, I have motion sickness,” you breathe. “maybe you should collect some leaves for that then,” Jungkook sarcastically remarks and you groan at his incompetency to communicate without insulting you. “please, stop insulting me,” you roll your eyes. “but… you’re a bit of a idiot though… you couldn’t even figure out how to use your necklaces and utilise your herbs what if I killed you huh?” he shoved you as you walked through the empty town. “then I DIE? Oh wait you wouldn’t know that because you’re IMMORTAL!” you scoff, “bet you don’t even know how death feels like,” you cross your arms.

Jungkook laughs at you getting angry at what he says. He’s been around long enough to figure out how to tease. He looks around to see if anything was open. “there’s that diner place open,” Jungkook points. “please stop reading my thoughts, it’s weird and creepy!” You mumble and he chuckles. “Scared I’ll see something I shouldn’t?” he nudges you gently before opening the door to let you in first.

“Jungkook, long time no see,” the owner smiles with such delight as she goes to hug him. You were confused and downright shocked to see such close interaction. “this is the owner, I don’t think you met her, she’s very sweet almost like my mother,” Jungkook’s arm drapes around her shoulder. “how long have you known him for?” You ask knowing for a fact that Jungkook is a few hundred years old. “He came in a couple years ago drenched in the rain, he seemed so exhausted,”

I wonder why…

“ohh okay, fair enough, just so you know I’m not his girlfriend or anything,” you tut before sitting down. “I love the steaks here, they’re so .. tender,” Jungkook teases. “please don’t put me off-“ you raise your hand gesturing ‘stop’. He sat back and let the waitress do her job. You sat there with food in front of you and Jungkook gesturing for you to eat, “promise you wont kill me will you, I’ve had enough of the tension of you trying to kill me,” Jungkook’s eyes widen. “oh no no you got the wrong idea, I want to befriend you not k-“ he whispers, “kill you?”

“right so what DO you want,” you chew as you speak. “friendship dumb witch what else? Just a companion until you die or something,”

Great, just another person to use you again.

“mmh okay,” your unsure, monotonous voice echoes in his ears.

Since the night at the diner you had a bittersweet relationship with Jungkook and ever since that day, he began to wait outside you school to see you and hang out with you or sometimes turn up at your house. He was suspicious to you but you went with it to do your own investigating.

“Why are you here?” your harsh tone a little too harsh for Jungkook’s liking. He gazed at you and then your aunt; “hey is your niece allowed to come to mine since we have a project to study for?” he shouts out to her and she turns around elated. “oh of course anytime! Thank you for asking for permission, I’m not good at this parenting stuff,” he scratches the back of her head. “what do you think you’re doing?” your intonation increases. “a favour trust me,” he winks at you and then smiles at your aunt. “come on then, we better be going since it’s super important!”

You were confused and unsure how to react. What did he want from you that needed you to be away from the town – it was incredibly suspicious. You and Jungkook walked down the main street towards a small gap behind some buildings. “what- where are you taking me?” Your stutter and Jungkook sighs, noticeably annoyed at you for being so uncooperative. “maybe it’s easier if I just do this-“ he groans as he swipes you of your feet and all you felt was a huge gust of wind in your face. Your face, unconsciously, buried itself into Jungkook’s chest as you gripped onto his arm for safety. He needs to not use his speed on you without notice, motion sickness is not fun. After meandering through the trees and trampling over dead leaves he arrives to the destination. “if I put you down you will throw up on my stairs and I do not want that witch,” he grins as he saw your face embarrassed since he read your thoughts. “also it is not weird you buried you head into my chest, quite frankly, I enjoyed that,” he chuckles as you slap his chest defensively, “don’t make fun of me!”

He seats you down on a chair, embellished in gold and a burgundy velvet, the arms a solid wood. All the chairs were like this, the royal aura still remained. “everything is fully functioning because over the years I adapted and I fixed things here and there, the only thing not working right now is the dismantled turret,” he laughs thinking this ‘joke’ was funny. You let out a nervous laugh. You weren’t going to lie to yourself but your heart acted strangely when he showed his true self to you. “you were interested in discovering more about the castle so why not give you a tour!” as he began he gently took your hand considering you were feeling a little sick from the sudden, rapid movement. Your heart did it again, stop.

Jungkook started off with the dining and study area going into depth about how his father would do his work there and how he would sometimes fall asleep. Jungkook spent most his time in this study when he read books and learnt more about the world around him and. The grand staircase; he helped you up the stairs, hand in hand and showed you the east side and the west side. There was a locked door in one of the walls which caught your eye. “What’s this?” you ask Jungkook, “ well that used to be the execution dungeon and since my father died I never opened it once,” he continues to walk up as you nod your head affirmatively. “Finally this is my bedroom, since my one was well… destroyed,” you gulp. You look around; the brown and beige colour scheme was very modern although the lights were still chandeliers. The walls were all painted a hazelnut tone but there was gold embellishing on the side skirting.  There was a combination of modern and historical aspects, it was fascinating. You felt an odd connection to the castle but you never understood why and thought nothing of it yet again. “my love looked exactly like you,” he sat down solemn on his bed and pats the space beside him for you to sit next to him. “I remember she used to pick those lavenders in the lavender fields with her maid over there,” he points out of the window where there was a windmill but the land was replaced by plain dirt. “she loved blossoming flowers, Gypsophila, she loved those,” he trailed off as he looks at a broke stem on his bed side table. “I though he’d turn her, he promised he would for me?” you stopped him there. “wait who is this ‘he’ you’re taking about?” you ask engrossed in his own history. “Seokjin, member of one of the first ever vampires, he turned me for no reason other than boredom,” he groans in annoyance, “why me?”

“does he not visit now and then or is he just travelling all the time?” you ask. “of course, he’s living his life, committing crimes, getting the women he loves and left a hopeless, family-less prince alone for years, he lied to me,” his voice cracked. “Hey, don’t worry it must’ve been hard for you to be alone all these years and fend for yourself! That’s just cruel,” your hand settles on his shoulder and he falls to your lap. “now, you’re the only friend I have and who doesn’t think I’m insane…” he begins “but the downside is you look like her and I don’t know what to feel?”

You needed answers. Everything he said made sense although you needed to find out more and your grandmother’s friends were the place to go… at some point.

As you sat at a table in the cafeteria with Jimin and Yoongi you scroll through your messages from your aunt since you searched for any contacts your grandmother left behind. There was one person who you knew quite well though you needed some time to visit her. “what are you doing, you’ve been so distant from us we don’t hang out anymore?” Yoongi confronts your odd behaviours, “yeah you have and it feels like you don’t want to hang out because we saw-“ Yoongi eyes Jimin to be quiet. What was being said about you? “what? Saw what?” you ask looking at them both, “the dude that waits for you outside like everyday, you never said you got into a relationship?” Jimin crossed his arms. “look, that isn’t my boyfriend for starters, he just needs some help with finding someone who was close to me,” you lie a bit, “he’s just someone who knows my family and I’m helping him until he leaves, don’t get mad at me for it,” you pleaded. They both look at each other and nod; “fine, I’m assuming you’re busy today too?” Yoongi sips at his drink. You nod. “as I thought, alright no problem we’ll organise something some other time,”

Phew. You were off the hook. After school that day, you went home to pack a bag with some necessary items like your portable charger, some snacks, your purse, a hair tie and just an extra set of clothes if you got stuck somewhere. “hey Aunt, I’m going to visit grandmother’s friend, is that okay?” you ask her ad she stares as your bag. “how long for sweetie?” she points, “oh not too long, I just have stuff in there for emergencies since buses don’t go there often,” you nod. “hmm okay, fine keep messaging me and updated! Be safe,” She waves. You open the door and Jungkook stands there, a new phone in his hand. “got an upgrade!” he smiles “wait, where are you off to?” he asks as he follows you to the bus stations. “no where, just go home,” you mutter. “no tell me or I’ll read your mind!” he threatens -playfully of course- , and you stop walking. “just leave me alone this once and let me find something out alone without you constantly invading my privacy! Get a grip vampire!” your tone was harsh and frustrated. “there was no need for that but apologies witch, I’ll leave you, farewell.” His smile faded and his playful face vanished. He turned around and walked away without turning back and eventually disappeared into the dark nothingness.

You tried to brush it off but to think that’s how his past lover might’ve acted towards him made you feel guilty. The bus was empty, as dead as night, only a few travellers boarding to visit people or for other reasons that no one knows about. The engine growled as the driver sighed as he waited for all the passengers to board. You situated yourself on the left, three rows from the back placing your bag next to you so no one sat with you. The bus jolted and began to move out of the bay it was parked in; the journey began. The stars covered the bleak sky and your head rested on the cold glass of the bus. Your phone flashes blue; “hope your journey is safe!” it was Jimin sending you a text message. Your grandmother’s friend’s house was around 2 hours away so the journey was a long one indeed and the last stop was directly near her home. During the trip you drifted off and the dream you had felt like a message. You saw fire, blazing flames and hear shrieks and screams but from your point of view, you were running far far away. You saw a carriage and a white horse which you climbed into and you began to go somewhere, like it was an escape. The area was a rural area, with flower fields and a windmill – one of which you recognised- although there is where you dream stopped and the bus driver was standing next to your seat. “Sorry ma’am but this is the last stop, are you getting off here?” he asks you a little concerned. “oh yeah that’s fine, this is the stop I needed anyway!” you frantically grab your bags and run off the bus. There was barely any lights except for one house which was visibly your grandmothers friends home. You remember the windmill behind her home and the large flower field that stretched out for miles. You knock on the door and it immediately opens. “I was expecting you darling,” she smiles as she lets you in to get warm and comfortable.

“I know what you’re here, I’ve been feeling a strange energy for a couple months, something supernatural?” she utters, “am I right that you’ve encountered supernatural energy?” she asks straightforwardly. “how did you even know” you ask her your mouth semi gaping open. “your grandmother left me a few things and one of them was a necklace connected to you,” she smiles as she shows her wrist with the stone with your initial on it. “ like voodoo?” your eyes widen. “no silly, it’s to keep you protected,” she smiles setting down an herbal tea in front of you. You sip it and it tasted bitter; “sweet isn’t it?” the woman asks, “you can call me your grandmother by the way.” You look at her strangely. “is the tea supposed to be sweet because it’s too bitter?” the ‘grandmother’ shakes her head, “you’ve been interacting with this supernatural energy, have you been put under compulsion,” she asks concerned. “well that’s why I’m here, I met the Vampire Prince and he said that I look like his past love or something and that there’s a strong connection with me and his past so I came here for you to look at my past life?” you explain to her briefly. “past life? Connection to THE vampire prince? I haven’t heard of him in years I thought he was killed that’s what my great grandmother told your grandmother before she passed?” she thought carefully, “okay what did you want to know? Your past life?” she asks again, and you nod your head sure and certain that’s what you wanted to do.

You sat in the armchair and she began to speak to you until you suddenly went into a dream like state. From then you had no idea what was happening in the real world.

Your past life was blessed with riches and wealth. You were in your early 20’s and had a good life til then. You had a cousin who was by your side all the time and you spent most of your time together in the lavender fields and at banquets with your past life father’s family. There was a lot of gold and white, lace and silk. You wrote long hand written letters and sealed them, storing them in a brown tea stained envelope with a rosemary tied to it with a small length of tweed string. From the riches and wealth it declined after you ran away from a castle, your pearl earring falling from your ear. You also tried to run away but were stopped by another entity and that’s when you passed away.

So it did make sense. You were a perfect reincarnated version of the vampire prince’s first love. It made sense how you were a witch too, it made sense how your parents were murdered. It was the hunters trying to cleanse the town of all witches since they sided with the vampires. You opened your eyes from your hypnosis and felt your cheeks wet. “don’t worry, now you have your answer use it wisely,” she says as she goes to the kitchen. Maybe seeing Jungkook next might be the next best idea. Although tonight you had to stay here since it was already late enough and your grandmother’s friends let you stay for the night.

Jungkook sat on his bed looking at the stem on his bedside table. He sighed wishing he could bring her back but what use was there if she grew a bitterness to him because of him being a vampire. The new version of her was so much more open minded and considerate. She was different but also the same but all that mattered is that he felt accepted by you. Perhaps the Prince was falling in love again and wouldn’t that be predictable if he felt accepted. “it could’ve been this way if you weren’t so afraid and trusted me…” he whispered to himself, a tear trailing down his cheek. He was certain he was falling for you, he could feel a change after all these years. Finally he felt the burden raise from his shoulders and he felt like he can move on with someone new. Change has come.

Your route home was early the next morning. The bus arrived at 8am so you needed to take that bus home so you could at least attend you afternoon classes. The bus was fuller, and you had to sit next to someone. You gave them an awkward smile and sat down although they didn’t acknowledge you at all and ignored you. 2 hours felts too long but you dealt with it. Fast forward to when you arrived, you went home to grab your books to go attend classes. You felt some ease knowing your past and your connections it also seems like Taehyung transferred elsewhere after the threats he got from Jungkook. You seat yourself in your class and Jimin hands you over the notes taken for another class, you mouth ‘thank you’ as you take them off him. “how was your trip?” Jimin asked. “it was okay, actually it was great!” you smiled. Something seemed to have changed since to left for a day.

When your afternoon classes ended, you walked out with Yoongi and Jimin waving them goodbye since they had other plans for the evening. You see Jungkook leaning against the fence waiting for you and waved at you. He has a glow today and seemed really ecstatic. “hey, are you alrig-“ before you could even finish your sentence he pulled you into a hug. “I feel great,” he smiles, “wanna grab a coffee? It’s on me,” he smiles, his bunny like teeth showing. It was truly endearing. You nod your head, “of course!” the change of behaviour making you feel something in your stomach. Butterflies? Possibly, yes.

You sit at a table in a rustic looking coffee house and Jungkook goes to order two coffees, one being a caramel macchiato with extra caramel drizzle and a black coffee with an extra espresso shot. “ you seem so happy today? Whats up,” you ask him drinking your black coffee. He smiles shyly, you’ve never seen this side of him before; “I guess I’ve moved on after all these years,” he sips his sweet drink, “I found someone else,” Oh someone else… “is she pretty do I know her?” you pretend to act dumb. “yes, yes you are.” He looks at your, eyes full of love. It made sense, his past lover was bitter towards him and the universe let him start again with you. “me?” you point at yourself, “don’t be stupid why wo-“ he interrupts, “because you accepted me, no one else did and if they did it was the work of compulsion.” He gulped. “I mean it would be wrong for a vampire and a witch to be together any way right?” He chuckled nervously. “I don’t think so…” you began to let your suppressed feelings seep through. “it’s not a crime is it, to love someone who makes you feel the way you do?” you begin to mumble nervous that the words spewing out of your mouth made sense. “are you telling me Little Witch that you shared the same feelings,” his cockiness took over again. “oh my god you ruined the moment with your cockiness!” you swing  your head back in frustration, “yes yes I do, is that clear enough?”

Despite you being passive aggressive, he found it charming. After your lowkey coffee date, you both walked along the stream that was near the town with beautiful greenery. His hand nervously tried to slip into yours as you walked but he freaked out every time. “what’s wrong, the herbs getting to you?” you tease. “huh what, what herbs are you trying to poison me!” he pretends being over dramatic. “The herbs behind those mushrooms there,” you point and go to collect them into your little metal tin box. “don’t worry I’ll wash my hands in the stream so you can hold it, it’s getting pretty heavy for me,” you cringed at your pick up line but Jungkook appreciated it. “with your advice, I borrowed a book from someone that was passed down for generations so I can practice witchcraft properly!” You tell Jungkook as his hand holds yours. “wow you actually took my advice,” he becomes shy. “this isn’t like you, you’re usually so confident and cocky,” you laugh before he smiles and uses his speed to push you up against a tree as he looks at you with eyes full or adoration. “is this more like me now?” his fingers brushing down the side of your cheeks and tucking your hair behind your ear. He admired every inch of your face and you stared back at him in awe. Without anything being said he had his first kiss with you after all these years waiting for the other version of you. The kiss only lasted a couple seconds since it was a peck and he moved back and lovingly gazed into your eyes for a little bit before your hands cupped his jaw and brought it closer to your lips for something a little more meaningful than a peck. Although midway through the kiss, drops of rainfall plunged from the grey clouds looming above you. “ugh,” Jungkook groaned before he swiped you up again, “hang on tight,” he smiled sweetly before speeding to his home sheltering you from the rain. “are you feeling okay because I know last time you weren’t feeling the best.” He asked you. “yes I’m fine,” you brush yourself down from where the rain did catch you.

Months passed and your relationship with him grew. You were both at your happiest until Seokjin came to visit one day. “I see you found another one,” he scoffs, “what a lousy vampire you are!” he leans against the wall of his castle. “leave her alone, I know what you did to my first love!” Jungkook growls. “or what? Are you going to kill me,” you laughs manically. “being a vampire means being alone and just using people for your own good,” Seokjin was cold, “either you break her heart or I will, your choice” he threatens. “Seokjin, leave, just go I don’t know what you’re on my tail,” Jungkook yells. “you’re a vampire not a wolf idiot, and because you are one of my creations,” he laughs again. “you wouldn’t kill her,” Jungkook states, “you’re right I wouldn’t, but I can kill you and devour your corpse, your choice…”

He leaves again but his words meant nothing to Jungkook. Was there a reason to why he killed his first love and threatened him about Jungkook’s current girlfriend now? There was. A hidden history no one knew about, not even Jungkook. He ignored him and continued his relationship with you inviting you to his castle that day. “hey, what’s wrong?” you ask him, embracing him after the phone call you had. “can you stay with me today?” he asks. “yeah I can but what’s wrong?” Jungkook didn’t reply. He didn’t speak but he arms wrapped around your body and embraced you back. “just be with me, like this for a little while,” little did you know he was battling an actual war with Seokjin but he refused to let anything get between you and him. He would risk his life for you, fight for you. Losing himself would be better than losing you and he lived by that. Beneath the ‘Vampire Prince’ image was just a poor boy who lost everything. You lean back and lift his head up as it was drooping so low. Without any notice, his lips landed carefully onto yours and his arm around your waist pulls you closer although the atmosphere was different. He was scared and desperate. He said nothing but only a small apology left his lips. He was gentle and slow but began to feel desperate for more than a mere kiss. His kisses trail down the side of your lip to your jaw and as much as you trusted him you were a little frightened at his cravings. “don’t-” you panic. He looks at you with pleading eyes, “I promise, I will never hurt you,” his voice cracked. He was deceived and left stranded to be killed by his previous lover, you were his only anchor now. He began to get slightly more passionate that before and using his speed abilities, you found yourself in his bedroom, you still between his arms. You knew he wouldn’t cross the line, he wanted whatever you wanted, and this is where you were most comfortable with. Jungkook proceeded to continue his actions moving closer to his bed and gently laying you down as he situated himself over you. The passion within him was burning like a fire, he was waiting for the day he could care for the love of his life.

Star crossed lovers. The universe tested you and will continue to do so. Was love such a crime? All Jungkook knew was to keep you safe even if it meant risking it all, he didn’t want to be in such excruciating pain ever again. Even if he was happy with you, he was paranoid and scared of all the possibilities that could happen but right now it was just you, him and the history that combined your love together and satisfied you both. Each-others presence was enough and if Seokjin ever took you away from him, let there be war.

[jyunshiim]

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬; 𝙨𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙩 *✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷𝘒𝘪𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘶 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑

Genre → romance | angst | friends to acquaintances | friends to lovers | college!au |

Contains → fluff | angst 

Listen to →  Compass

Word count → 4975

TW → drinking & alcohol, implied assault (not explicit but implied)

Chapters → Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

The airport was bustling with people from all over the world. People with hoods up, a neck pillows around their neck, sweatshirts on and power banks at hand. Your arms wrap around you, tightening around you as you walk alongside Changkyun and Kihyun. Changkyun rolls his suitcases along side him, his hood looming over his head and his airpods in his ears ready for his departure. The atmosphere was tense but you knew what you heart was feeling. Kihyun tried to initiate conversation and Changkyun tried to keep his composure too since his mind was hectic enough after what happened a month or so ago. He stood still and turned around ready to say goodbye to his two best friends. You coudnt be mad at him, he was following his dream, something you encouraged so you took a deep breath and gave him once last hug. Who knew when he’d come back, today was the last day. “Hey, I’ll message you and talk to you and we can still play you know?” his hand rests at the back of your head and you felt serenity when he did so. You nod your head, feeling your eyes pool with tears already; “I value our friendship and trust me, it will never change!” he forces a smile knowing how much it pained him to formulate what came out of his mouth. Kihyun gently patted your back as you stepped away from Changkyun, your cheeks wet from your tears. “Your hoodies wet, sorry.” You sniffle as Changkyun just smiles at you reassuringly. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” He looks down in despair. Changkyun hugs Kihyun however this time it felt apologetic and empathetic; “I’m sorry if I caused you any pain Kihyun, take care of her well, I’ll see you again sometime soon,” His lips stretch into a smile before he grabs his suitcase to make his journey to the States. Who knew when the trio would meet again.

“Hey, are you okay?” Kihyun asks you. He could tell from the empty stare that you were hurt but you turn to him smiling as you’d always do, “yeah, I’m okay just… wouldn’t have expected him to leave you know?” you shrug before linking your arm with Kihyun’s. Changkyun pondered in the aircraft, his head leaning against the interior of the plane, staring to the nothingness outside. He was off to the states with his parents to start a new life, to experience new things. You and Kihyun took the bus home but instead Kihyun stopped off at the mall. “why did you stop here?” you ask looking at yourself in your compact mirror. “Maybe get you something to eat since you didn’t eat anything?” He grabs your hand and looks back up at your again and stops for a moment. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea? He gently takes his hand away from yours and waits for you to get off before he followed. Kihyun tried his best on this occasion to make you happy, paying for food and also buying some ice cream. The sky was progressively getting darker as you both walked home together the sweetness of the ice cream setting on your tastebuds. “are you feeling slightly better now?” he asks you as he holds the empty ice cream cup in his left hand leaving his right hand unoccupied. “a little bit, I guess I just have to accept it right?” you smile at him, “besides I’m moving onto campus in a couple days so it’s just the matter of getting on with it.” You clear you throat before a downpour spewed from the darkened sky. Instinctively, you latch onto Kihyun’s arm but that was when he’d have an umbrella on him. “it didn’t say it’d rain today?” Kihyun looks over at you shivering from the rain. He takes his long bomber jacket off from his body and drapes it over your shoulders to keep you as warm as possible. “What are you doing Kihyun?” the exclamation in your voice startling him. “You’re cold and I gave you my jacket,” Kihyun’s head tilts, stating what he was doing. “I mean, thank you I do appreciate it,” you smile, “if you had other ideas in your head, don’t..” Kihyun panicked. You smiled at his light-hearted teasing but Kihyun looked ahead whilst walking. You approached your house first and gave Kihyun a hug; “thank you for walking me home and comforting me this evening,” You say as your head was leaning into his shoulder, his arms were around your waist respectively. “I’ll be here for you and Changkyun will be there for you to regardless of time zones,” he speaks softly as you part from the embrace, “I know, I hope we can still keep in touch when we move to university.” You say as you make eye contact with Kihyun’s . You remove the jacket from the shoulders and hand it to Kihyun; “please get home safely, message me when you’re home,” You smile at Kihyun. It was like old times, where you used to prove you cared for me…“I will, I promise,” Kihyun puts his hand on your shoulder before he turns around and leaves through the gates and disappears around the corner. My heart never skipped beats like this before, get a hold of yourself. He puts his jacket back on and makes the rest of the journey home with the bus.

“Are you home yet?” you type in then delete the message. Your phone rests in your hand and you think what to write. You didn’t want to sound obsessive or too protective but you wanted to sound protective enough. “hey, are you home safe and sound?”

Kihyun looks down at his phone, taking it out of his pocket as he takes his shoes off and hangs his wet jacket to dry. “Yeah, just walked in,” Kihyun types, it felt weird how you’d message him only when you didn’t have Changkyun’s attention but he shook his head to forget the absurd thoughts since his mind was making things up to mess with him. “you okay?” he messages back.

“Yeah especially after this evening, thank you so much Kihyun,” you reply to him as you sit at your dining table with your family for dinner; “do you wanna maybe help out with me moving out?” you type then delete it again because he must be doing the same. “when will you be moving to your uni campus?” You ask him since you didn’t know where he was going but assumed it wasn’t to yours. “I’m packing on Thursday for Saturday.” Kihyun replies,

The blinking line in the text box blinks to the rhythm of your heart. You felt stupid for asking but you were curious. Your evening was spent with your family, enjoying and celebrating your acceptance to Seoul University; you wondered how these wondrous dorms looked like and if you were going to have a room mate, you thought about making new friends and going to university events and having unlimited access to the library that was radiating knowledge. It was all so new and it was exciting to you. You messaged Changkyun just so he knew you were thinking about him and you waited for his response although you knew he wouldn’t reply until tomorrow. You had to begin packing so you went to scavenge for some boxes which were in the attic. Your father helped bring the ladder down and you both went up to grab some boxes and to your surprise you found a few things that your forgot about. There were some photo albums and multiple boxes of trinkets and items which you went through. They were photos of you and Kihyun from your preschool days, some toys and presents that were made by Kihyun and a his glove that he left at your house when he was 6 years old. It brought a smile to you face. “hey, are these all you need?” your father asks holding up some flat boxes; “huh? Oh, yeah those are it!” you leave the stuff in the box and put it back into its place and going back down to pack your items. During the process, it felt nauseating to leave your family and voyage on this journey alone. How would you cope without your mother and father there to help you when you needed them, your mothers cooking, your puppy? It should be fine right? Your desk was almost all cleared away and you grabbed the final two things; the photo of you Changkyun and Kihyun and the stuffed bunny. You couldn’t leave them behind you had to take them with you.

Moving out day arrived shortly and you sat in the car with your father going to your campus to move in. “did you check your accommodation?” your father asks. “I did and it looked good!” you smile confidently. Little did you know photos and real life are two different things. You arrived to your accommodation; it was a tall building looming over on the street that had other accommodation complexes; the prices were astronomical and almost unaffordable so you stayed safe with the cheaper option. You fiddle with the keycard between your sweaty palms, why were you so nervous? You got to your dorm and you swiped the card to let you in although, despite the technology, the interior was cold and almost damp. “oh god, why is it like this in here?” your father asks as he takes a look around. The gas pipes trailed along the skirting of the walls, the paint was chipped and had minor stains on them which you didn’t want to question, not to mention the tattered curtains and dark carpets. “these carpets were supposed to be a light brown,” your father gulped “I have a carpet cleaner at home, we can clean this place up a bit before you settle?” he suggests and you just nod to him, not feeling very satisfied with what you have witnessed. You check the bathroom; the tiles were a rusty brown and there was limescale covering the shower head, taps and sink. God… you thought to yourself, you had a lot of cleaning to do. You didn’t have a private kitchen so the communal kitchen was something you had to get used to as well as sharing a fridge and cupboards. From this day on, you began to get your dorm into shape, cleaning and restoring the dorm as much as you could and investing in some slippers just to be extra clean! You set up your computer at your desk and brought in your items to move in peacefully. The windows were large and opened wide enough to let out the aroma of bleach and chemicals waft out as you spray some air freshener so you could respirate in your own living space. After your father left, you tried to get used to your dorm before there was a knock just as you sat down. You didn’t know if you should open the door so you just yelled: “ I didn’t order anything, I just moved in!”

“We’re not here for delivery!” one of the voices called out. It was a cheerful, higher pitched voice. She sounded cute and friendly so you stood up and took the risk to open the door. The girl had a blue hair that was looking seafoam green in the hallway lighting. He eyes were rounder and her dark almost like a puppy. “Hello floor mate, I’m Gowon!” she is the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life – you thought to yourself. “ I moved in a couple weeks ago and I thought we could get to know each other!” She smiles, her pink tinted lips turn into a wholesome smile. You nervously chuckle, “ahah yeah! That’d be nice. I’m trying to get used to me dorm right now,” your hand rests on the back of your neck. “ you’ll get used to it in no time!” she smiles at you, “what are you going to major in?” she asks. God, I’m a Business and Management major, does that make me boring? “Business and Management..” your tone lowers, embarrassed at what you were saying. “Oh my god really! My friend does that, I’m super interested in fashion so fashion designing was quite interesting!” who was her friend? “do you have anyone from your school here?” Gowon asks and you shake your head. “what can you do,” you let your lips curl into a smile, “ one of my friends moved to the states because he wanted to go to university there and my other friend is staying here but I don’t know where he’s going, he hasn’t told me and I don’t wanna ask him because what if he did tell me and I wasn’t listening, I’d feel bad.” Your thoughts where going hectic. Gowon puts her hand on your shoulder, “hey! It’s okay if you keep in contact that’s all that matters and besides you can meet new people here!”

Gowon was so sweet and you could see yourself become really close friends with her. You text Kihyun; “hey! I moved in.” you type and add a smile emoticon to make it seem less dry than looked. You notice the bubble with the three dots appear – he was typing- and you sat on your bed waiting for his reply. “that’s cool! How is it?” he replied. He wanted to know what conditions you were living in hoping it was too bad. “it’s okay, there were a few problems but it’s okay, it’s all sorted out… kinda.”

You spoke to Kihyun for a few minutes before he had to go offline since he was busy. You first university day starts in a couple weeks so you had time to get used to your environment and make some friends while you were at it but it wasn’t easy since everyone was in their rooms most the time. Only Gowon was out on walks or getting some coffee or going for a small food shop. You thought it’d be a good opportunity to hang out with her for a while to get comfortable and become closer friends.

[a couple weeks later]

Your alarm buzzed at 6am. You haven’t heard that for a while and it was infuriating to hear the annoying sound at your ears when it was still dark outside. You grab your phone and sit up in your bed, tossing aside your phone which decided it would like it better on the floor. You groaned tiredly and slip on you slippers and grab a hoodie to make your way to the bathroom to freshen up. You look around for the toothbrush and toothpaste wondering where they were. Of course, you didn’t turn the light on, so your pushed the light switch to find them on your sink. Your tiredness was getting the best of you. You got dressed and decided today wasn’t the day for breakfast, grabbed your bad, phone, purse and key card to make your way to campus. It was cold but it was refreshing to walk in. Usually you’d walk with Kihyun but of course, he wasn’t here to walk with you every morning.

Gowon runs up behind you; “bOO!” she yells which startles you. “oh my-” you raise your voice only to realise it was Gowon. “did I scare you?” he nudged. Your connection to her felt familiar, like you knew her for a long time and it was comforting. You see behind her there was another person; His hair was blond and wavey, stopping just under is brows, lips tinted a light pink and his smooth, glass like skin illuminated by the winter sun. “This is Minhyuk, he helped me out when we both moved on the same day!” Gowon introduces and Minhyuk waves at you, smiling at you charmingly. You raise your hand and introduce yourself before you all go to campus. Who knew how easy it was to make new friends? Two already? 

You think how Kihyun was doing but to your little knowledge, he was already in his first class getting to know everyone. He looked at his phone, swiping up to unlock it then pressing the green speech bubble to message you. “Hey, you in uni yet?” he asks you. “hey Kihyun, I am. Why are you messaging me?” you sounded a little passive aggressive you you send the ‘x’ kiss. “you do know I got to the same university as you but someonewas too excited to even ask me :/” you gasped and held the screen closer to your face. “have you seen a ghost?” Gowon asks “or did someone send you an early morning naughty photo” Minhyuk snickers behind her looking over her should just to see a series of texts. “boyfriend?” he asks. You shake your head; “no no, it’s just my best friend apparently he goes here too but-” you were interrupted by Gowon’s gas, “you didn’t ask him! Girl, were you dating someone and forgot about him?” you stood there silently biting your lip. “I take that as a yes, tell us about him, what does he do, where does he go, introduce us to him plea-” Gowon paused after seeing how dismal it made you feel talking about him. “he left to the states and I guess I have to move on,” you force a smile, “lets go shall we?”

Why did Kihyun make it hard for you. Now they think you’re in a love triangle, you hope they didn’t at least. Your introductory day went well and you met a lot of people who are doing the same degree as you. “Hey,” Kihyun waves with a smile whislt walking over to you. “Wow how have you not fallen for him?” Gowon asks you and you don’t respond. “what’s up man, your bestie here has said a lot about you!” Lies. Absolute lies. I don’t hate him but you don’t want people to get the wrong idea. “oh really? I must be the centre of your conversations then.” He looks down at you and ruffles your hair and you smile back. “well me and Kihyun have know each other since we were born pretty much,” you giggle before someone interrupted yet again, “hey, you four coming to the freshers party?” he asks. You all look at each other. “oh um, sure why not!” Minhyuk smiles from ear to ear. Freshers parties are for the new students to interact and get to know each other often organised by the senior students. “when is it?” Kihyun and Gowon ask simultaneously. “it’s actually going to be next month since the uni team are free then, it’ll be at a share house just a few minutes away from the campus, but I hope you guys can come!” the guy smiles and waves. “OI wait, what time?” Minhyuk hollers. “Probably 7pm and you can leave by the early hours of the morning, see ya!”

“damn so much freedom and responsibility, how does it feel to be so free?” Gowon asks. “My parents allowed me to do things reasonably, but this is a lot of responsibility,” you twiddled your thumbs, “she never got drunk, a good little bunny she is.” Kihyun smiles and chuckles teasing you. “you guys seem like a couple” Gowon giggles, “what a shame girly, I quite liked the look of your best friend Kihyun.” Gowon pouted. You felt a bit sick; “ew, this guy? Did you know he-” Kihyun’s hand covers your mouth, “now now, I am a man of many mysteries,” he raises a brow. You scoff.

Later that evening you hung out with the three friends you have, and you were invited to Minhyuk’s dorm. “Damn you have everything sorted here, your lights are cool!” Kihyun points out, “and a games console, alright turn it on let’s play!”

You and Gowon sit on Minhyuk’s bed and talk to each other. You glance at the boys and your heart does flips. No stop it don’t do that. You tell yourself, Gowon’s voice muffling until you were shaken out of it – quite literally. You try to divert the attention and soon after you decide to go back to your dorm. The trio seemed disheartened that you had to leave first but you just had to go.

You lay in your bed staring at the leak stain on your ceiling before turning away to the side, watching the screen of your phone glow blue. You gasped; “Hey, how are you?” it was Changkyun and he finally messaged you since he left. “I’m okay-” you think to type ‘I miss you’ but you didn’t want to sound .. well you know. “I’m okay, I made a couple friends!”

You and Changkyun spoke for a little bit until he stopped replying. It seems like he fell asleep; you knew he was enjoying his time there, Changkyun never turns down a party. You sigh loudly in your room before the heating stops and your room temperature drops rapidly. “no no no-“ you go to your heating dial trying to fix it. There was no hope; why is it your dorm room with all these problems? You let it be and tried to go to sleep with layers of blankets to keep you warm.

-

“Hey, are you excited for the party?” Gowon asks. “so excited,” you smile and look at Minhyuk and Kihyun talking about something, “how about you guys?” You ask. “awh yeah, I think it’d be so cool!” Minhyuk smiled; his soft puppy like features not matching up with his ‘rebellious bad boy’ vibes was something that entranced you, just how? “Yeah, It’s a new experience so that’s cool,” Kihyun added.

Throughout the day you and Gowon and Minhyuk became closer as did Kihyun. “yo, so where does your girlfriend go?” Minhyuk asks assuming Kihyun had one. Kihyub smiles and sighs, “I never dated anyone..” Gowon gasped at his remark. “I mean I tried to set him up with my friend Irene but he just refused,” you shrug “what a shame, she was a nice girl.” You say as you stand beside him. “she actually refused me, did she tell you otherwise?” he asks you, his voice low. What’s gotten in to him? “I mean, no I just assumed that-“ you were interrupted by him, “heres a life lesson, assuming things isn’t very safe it can lead to many problems,” He patted your head and smiled “she refused me politely so now you know.”

Gowon stared at him in disbelief. “have you ever had feeling for anyone?” she was interested to know. He shook his head; it was a blatant lie. “Woow…” she looked away in disbelief. Kihyun laughed already predicting their reactions but he brushed it off it was no big deal, sometimes it was best to move on, right? [later that evening] The room was cramped with students new and old dancing and drinking with their friends in the kitchen, standing in the hallways and sitting on stairs. The music was blaring out so loud that you could barely even hear your thoughts which was a good thing. You approached a small group of people who seemed to be a year older; “hey! You’re a new student here right, first year?” one of the guys spoke out to you from the other end of the room and he seemed to be approaching you at a quick pace with a drink in his hand. “want some help getting to know some people?” he seemed super friendly and draped an arm around you and escorted you around the place. You already lost the others, usually Kihyun would be beside you regardless but he left with Minhyuk somewhere. You took a sip of the liquid which gave your tongue a burning sensation; “new to drinking I see, you’ll get used to it,” he smiles at you his arm tightening around your shoulder. “so out here are all the kids who were a part of some drama and they’re quite daring too, I must say I am a part of that group,” he chuckles “no worries though because in the kitchen are the 2nd year business and management lot.. they’re a bit boring but there’s that,” he tuts and passes them as your heart sank since you saw Minhyuk and Kihyun together with Gowon and someone else they befriended whilst you were being taken around by some random student. You felt a little dizzy as he was showing you around until you asked to sit down to which you were sat down on a couch with that guy. Voices began to muffle slowly, your world a haze; what was that drink? Or what was IN that drink?

You open your eyes, gasping for air finding yourself still on the couch although your head was in someone’s lap. You look up to see it was Kihyun and you gulped, nervous to even ask what happened. He looked rather angry and out of character, Minhyuk sitting with his hands in his hands and Gowon sitting on the arm of the seat. “she’s up guys there really was no reason to act up like that was it?” She looked at the boys. What even happened?

–      Minhyuk and Kihyun both saw you passed out on the couch with the older boys surrounding you with cameras out facing the ‘nice guy’ trying to do something that wasn’t right. They were both furious but they were confused as to why each other reacted the way they did. Charging in absolute anger, Minhyuk threw the guy off you and Kihyun lifted your head up to check up on you. “Leave her alone!” Minhyuk grunted as the guy held him by the collar throwing a punch and leaving him on the floor. Kihyun checked if you were hurt and luckily you weren’t but he thought why Minhyuk go so angry so quick. It reminded him of how protective Changkyun was of you and it made his stomach churn. –

“let’s take you home..” Kihyun sighs “ I don’t think right now is the best time to come to parties..” he knew something would happen if he left you alone. “taking advantage of people is so shit,” Minhyuk scoffs as Gowon pats his back. “Let’s all just go and make sure she’s okay,” Gowon picks up your stuff. Only 3 hours in and this is what happens, what a vibe killer.

Your dorm has a leaking ceiling so when you opened your door your bed was wet. “you must be joking..” you whisper. “are you okay?” Kihyun asks. “yeah I’m fine thanks, you can go now, sorry for the trouble,” you look down in disappointment. “no problem, I’m here for you whenever you need me okay, my apartment is a few minutes away from your dorm,” he writes down his address on a text message and sends it to you. You nod and thank him before shutting the door and looking at the leak and open your door heading out again. “oh hey, you alright?” Minhyuk comes back with a plastic bag of things he bought from the convenience store; “why are you outside?” he asks “leak in my ceiling again…” you respond. “ahh, wanna hang at mine before you decide what to do?” you think for a moment. Maybe going to Kihyun’s was a good idea. “I think I might visit Kihyun now,” you nod.

You felt awful. You created such a scene yet Kihyun was still there for you. You get to his apartment and knock at the door and he opens knowing it was you. “welcome, good thing I’m making food” he smiles grabbing your hand to pull your inside “come here it’s cold out there”

“I’m sorry for what I did today,” you gulp and avoid eye contact. “sorry for what? Being an idiot and taking a drink from someone else? Yeah don’t worry you didn’t know but next time don’t get lost you have a phone for a reason,” he says laying a bowl of ramen in front of you, “anyway eat up,” he says going for it as soon as he sat down. “why are you here?” he asks. You stare at him, there was genuine concern in his eyes. “I have a leak in my dorm and my bed is wet,” Kihyun laughs, “what a lame excuse to hang out with me AND stay with me,” he jokes “I’m joking of course.” He hands you one of his hoodies since you seemed cold. “well you can stay here until someone fixes that leak in your dorm,” he smiles softly. I want to tell her right here right now… he opens his mouth then stops. “what were you going to say?”

“it doesn’t matter don’t worry…” he held back, no matter how hard it was. He tucked a bit of hair that dangled down the side of your face back. “don’t eat your hair too?” he jokes and laughs. “since when were you so cocky Kihyun?” you asked him since you noticed a shift in behaviour. I have no competition… “Oh I guess new school new me?” he shrugs. “right,” you nod.

You and Kihyun sit on his bed watching something on youtube, laughing at a show you both like until he drifted off leaning back on his headboard. You thought it was an uncomfortable position, so you moved his head to your shoulder and threw a blanket over him. This felt like the good old days. Your eyes also began to get heavy, so you thought to close your eyes for only a few seconds. Although, seconds turned to minutes and minutes to hours, by the time you knew it you were both asleep. Fast asleep.

- Chapter 4

[jyunshiim]

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬; 𝙨𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙩 *✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷𝘒𝘪𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘶 | 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 2

Genre → romance | angst | friends to acquaintances | friends to lovers | college!au |

Contains → fluff | angst |

Listen to →  Compass & imagination

Word count → 5198

TW →

Chapters → | Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 | 

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟮 →

Eventually, you had to depart from Kihyun which broke your heart since you felt rejoice whenever you hung out with him. It reminded you of summer when you, Kihyun and Changkyun used to spend your warm evenings on rooftops and empty fields near lakes, your head on Kihyun’s lap and Changkyun whining to lay on his lap instead. The playful fights between you and Changkyun when you argued who’d be the first to hug Kihyun after your lively evening together. It was nostalgic to think about whilst you waved Kihyun goodbye, his skin gleaming as the sun inched closer to the horizon. His hand intensely gripped at the handle, his unoccupied hand waving you goodbye as the bus jolted again driving to the next stops. Kihyun sighed and looked out of the window again hoping you’d run after the bus waving at him but something did change and you stopped doing it. There was a shift. He shook his head in disbelief and chose to ignore whatever he heard, he just wanted to go home. The vehicle remained stationary and Kihyun looked at the stop he was at and luckily he arrived to the right one so he released his grip from the handle and gripped his bag strap instead and vacated the bus swiftly and stood under the shelter whilst observing the grey, dismal sky. “you must be joking,” he sighs just as the grey clouds become darker and seem to be saturated by rain. He looks in his bag for anything to shelter himself with although there was nothing so he had no other choice but to run to his home which was an additional 3 minute walk. He bolts down the streets as the rain begins to plummet down to the cool concrete. Kihyun looks around and sees a couple under a jacket running under the shelter on the other of the road. He ignores them, he doesn’t have time to think about that right now. Finally, he arrives at the metal gates guarding his front door which he pushes open and runs towards his front door.

He frantically takes off his shoes, tripping over his family’s footwear, staggering into his living room. “Kihyun, you’re soaking! Come here!” his concerned grabs a clean towel and ruffles Kihyun’s hair dry; “you must be so cold! Luckily I made some soup today.” She pats his back.  Kihyun couldn’t help but smile at his mother being so compassionate. He smiles and thanks her before going into his bedroom, unbuttoning his wet shirt and leaving them on the floor. He stared at his ceiling; he felt so.. empty? Maybe because he was hungry again but regardless, he grabbed his phone and the blue light beamed onto his face. There were a few messages from you and some messages on the group chat between you and Changkyun.

You: hey! Are you home yet? If you are, do you wanna play later? :]

You: Also isn’t it your friend Hyungwon’s birthday soon?

You: Kihyunnn

Kihyun replies to your messages;

Kihyun: yeah I just got home and it was pouring out there and yeah it is very soon how did you even remember that?

Kihyun: Uhh also for being online, [he thinks for a moment] maybe, my mother wants a family dinner.

You: plssss :< I miss playing with you <3

Kihyun sighs as the pair of you exchange some text messages before Kihyun had to go and have dinner with his family. You sit back in your chair a chamomile and ginger candle lit at your desk next to the bunny plushie Kihyun gave you, the flame dancing the music softly playing through the speakers. You had to study since you have been throwing it off for a while, so your pens and highlighters were scattered across your desk. Your puppy sits near your desk; “did you miss me today?” you pet Lucas before going back to your textbook. You realised prom was also a couple months away and you were thinking to ask Changkyun to be your date to prom, maybe you should ask Kihyun what you should do or maybe even Irene. Sudden fluttering intruded your stomach and you looked at yourself in the mirror diagonal to you and catch yourself smiling. You couldn’t help it. You check to see if anyone is online and of course, none other than Changkyun is in the waiting lobby for a game. Impulsively, you grab your headphones and join the game;

“well well well, look who it is again,” Changkyun’s voice sounded cheerful even through a pair of headphones, “Are you stalking me Dumpling.” He laughs since he knew you hated that nickname but he liked to hear your reaction. “Stop calling me that!” you pleaded. “are you pleading? Are you acting like your little puppy now hmm?” he mocks you. “Oh my god Kyun, shut up and start the game.” You sigh; you felt your heart palpitate slightly, the nervous butterflies swarming your stomach. A few minutes pass by, round after round, the pair of you sharing wins. “ where’s Kihyun?” Changkyun asks. “oh, well he said he was having dinner with his family, did not not message back?” You look at your phone the time stamp reading  READ 6:45pm. “He read the message, maybe he’s studying?” Changkyun suggests “maybe I should do that too,” you lean into your chair again, groaning at the workload for school since it was inching closer to your final exams, “maybe we should have a study group!” your exclamation startling Changkyun on the other end. “Hey, we did have one but someone decided they didn’t wanna come,” Changkyun sighs; “yeah that was you, Kyun…” you remind him making him chuckle. “ah yes, of course it was but maybe we should prioritise it now…”

Kihyun was sat with his mother in the living room, his head on his mother’s lap as she gently caressed his hair. Kihyun felt calm. He looked at his phone.

You: what do you think of study group again at Lucky’s Coffee? Like the old days!

You: it’d be good to share ideas and stuff like we did during study period at school!

Kihyun: yeah, that sounds cool :)

That emoticon felt strange

Kihyun went online for a little while to notice the ‘active 45 minutes ago’; a pit fell in his stomach, but it was fine, he wanted to play to relieve some stress. He gripped his controller and leaned back into his leather seat spending the rest of his night alone, playing something. His phone was flashing blue, notifications flooding his screen, which he didn’t see until it finally stopped. After a long session of gaming, Kihyun got bored and sat against his headboard and unlocked his phone and it was none other than you. You were asking to go to karaoke on the weekend with Changkyun and Irene, asking questions about the study group and also a question that stood out the most to him; how do I tell Changkyun how I feel? Kihyun didn’t even know himself so it was hard to give that advice and it was even harder when he had feelings for you, his best friend. He replied to all the messages before laying his head down and facing the wall, the sudden warmth of his sheets embracing him, his body sinking into his mattress as he drifted off very quickly.

The following morning was dismal and rainy. The 6 am clouds loomed over the city, hitting against the window to your room. You woke up to your dog at your feet and your lamp still lit from the night before however not only that, so was your computer on the loading screen. You were waiting for Kihyun but you feel asleep as your body hit the mattress. You read the replies from Kihyun as you roll out of bed and slip your feet into your slippers and stumble tiresomely through the door to the bathroom although your brother was taking his time for the last 20 minutes. “Hurry up,” you groan as you crouch outside the door, your phone sitting at the crease of your hand. You text Kihyun; “Good Morning, wanna grab some breakfast with me today?” you send with a smiley emoji. As Kihyun is drying his hair with a black towel, he grabs his phone off the desk and reads your message, pressing your name and opening the chat log.

“Yeah sure. Where do you wanna go or what do you want to eat?” he replies back. Kihyun puts the phone back onto the desk and finishes getting ready. He decided to wear his white shirt and cream coloured v neck vest that had blue and red strips at neck. He buttoned his cuffs and slipped on his maroon blazer, grabs his bag and heads for the door. It was ten minutes to 8 and Kihyun was on his way to get the bus to get to your house. “No breakfast today?” His mother asks as she sets breakfast for the rest of the family out. “oh um- I promised a friend I would get breakfast with them” he smiles nervously before shoving his feet into his shoes and dashing through the door catching the bus on time. He unlocks his phone and replies to you; “yeah, any café sounds go, I’ll be there soon.” He locks his phone and puts it into his pocket. Luckily today he came prepared and took an umbrella just in case.

You tap some lip tint on your lips, smearing it around with your finger, putting it back into your pouch and back into your bag. You spritz here and there your new fragrance and smile to yourself contently. You see Kihyun outside and you run to meet him outside; “the bus came quick today!” you sounded extremely cheerful today. “yeah, less traffic I guess, I don’t really know,” Kihyun nervously laughs. You and Kihyun walk to the nearest café around the corner and sit at the bar stool seats the look outside; Kihyun gets 2 steaming cups of coffee and two chocolate croissants. “wow, we haven’t met up before school in so long,” you sigh as you sip your piping hot coffee although you hiss at the hot liquid burning your tongue. Kihyun’s jumps and asks if you’re okay and passes you his water bottle to cool the tongue down. “no no, I’m fine thank you,” you take a napkin and pat your bottom lip. “is that a new lip tint you’re wearing?” he asks noticing a new shade. “yeah! I didn’t expect you to notice.” Of course, you wouldn’t, why would I be looking at your lips in the first place?

“look who it is,” Changkyun smiles and drapes his arm around Kihyun “bro, is your phone alright?” he takes it out of Kihyun’s blazer pocket. “nope seems fine to me, why haven’t you been replying to us?” He looks at Kihyun concerned as they walk to class together. “I’ve just been busy with my family, nothing much really plus I felt a bit ill yesterday because of the rain.” He nodded to himself. “ohh fair enough, don’t die on us like that bro,” he squeezes his arm. “how did little puppy get so good at video games?” Changkyun pulls you close to him. Your heart skips a beat and your cheeks flush a pinkish hue. Kihyun notices and his hands bury in his pockets and he clears his throat; “doesn’t her lip tint look nice on her?” he asks Changkyun, Changkyun turning his head with a smile to inspect your new lip tint. “wow, it does look nice on her, can I have some too?” he smirks knowing that it has an affect on you. You nervously laugh, “um no, it was expensive okay?” you scoff jokily. “how about the tint on your lips hm?” he squeezes you from your side. He did not just say that – Kihyun thought. “We can hang out after school if you want?” Kihyun suggests to you, and only you. “Not inviting me are we? I need to get a new moisturiser; can you help me?” He looks at you starry eyed. You nod at him, your cheeks aching from smiling so much; “Well, coffee is on me then I guess?” he pulls you and Kihyun in.

Period 1 – Business studies. It was a class that dragged on for hours yet you somehow loved to learn about different strategies and using statistics. You flip you pen between your fingers, your knee bobbing under the table as you tracked the time on the clock above the teachers desk. 25 minutes to go. You glance out side the glass window of the door and you see Changkyun waving at you, pointing towards the cafeteria – that was his way of saying there all in there today- you tilt your head and he makes his way. “um, ma’am what seems to be so interesting outside that you cant focus on your statistics?” your teacher taps her fingers on her desk. She was intimidating. “oh um no Miss, I just got distracted” you clear your throat. “hm okay,” she looks back at her computer. The bell finally rings and you were dismissed to break; you see your friends and Irene at the table today. “hey! Changkyun and Kihyun got you a drink and a snack, someone seems to be popular,” Irene nudges and whispers into your ear; “so which one will you pick,” she smiles smugly “ what do you mean, they’re my best friends?” you whisper back to her. She sighs and shakes her head, “text me later alright?” you nod in affirmation and look down at the table to see a strawberry smoothie drink and a gimbap triangle on the table. “thanks guys,” you smile at them. Kihyun leans back in his chair next to you and scrolls down his Instagram feed. “you’re awfully quiet today?” you prod his arm. “Yeah, just a bit tired today,” he croaks, “nothing much to be honest.” Jooheon was in your study period today accompanying you since the other three were in their classes. He was working on his music and was working hard to getting the highest grades to get a scholarship to go abroad for his degree course. “psst, hey,” he leans over the table to get your attention. “hm?” your response was instant since he never usually spoke in study periods, “have you noticed Kihyun acting strange lately?” he pouts thinking, “He said he’s been studying a lot so that’s what I assumed, why?” you stop writing and question him. “oh… nothing he just seemed abnormal but if that’s it then I guess now I know,” he smiles “how is university applications going?” Jooheon seemed intrigued. “Well, I got my place into Seoul University and all my other ones too but I’m definitely picking Seoul!” You respond to him certain you’ll go to Seoul. “cool, cool, I’m planning to go abroad to be honest, have you told the others about your acceptances?” he asks and you shake your head. “We promised to keep it until prom.” You nod. “Ruthless, how could you keep it for that long, I’d be so happy to spread the news!” Jooheon’s jaw drops at how good your secrecy skills were, “well, we wanna surprise each other you know?” Jooheon nods, understanding your point.

The basketball court was empty but that’s where you waited for the boys. You take your mirror and your lip tint, dabbing it onto your lips and smearing it with your finger; you reach into your bag for a tissue. “Hey there Dumpling, tissue?” he hands one from his packet. “What the fuck? Where you just watching me?” you elbow him. “watching you put that lip tint on that you said I can’t try? Yeah, I’m jealous you can be just as pretty as me!” His laughter immerses your heart in admiration. “wow, you’re so cocky!” you punch him. Kihyun wonders over, his plaid jacket over his shoulder; he strides over and greets the pair of you. “Hello, Lovebirds,” he glances at Changkyun and then you, “waiting for me? Let’s go.” He walks ahead. “Lovebirds? That’s new, do you see me and Little Dumpling together?” Changkyun shoots a playful look at Kihyun and you. “why would you say that Kihyun?” you fiddle with your fingers, a nervous pit falls in your stomach. Kihyun grabs your hand, “well maybe we should be lovebirds then?” he tried to let his playful side arise. “WOW! Kihyun, do you like her?” his eyes scan his expressions but all Kihyun gave was a side smile, “that was a quick assumption Kyun, jealous because I’m holding her hand?” The atmosphere was tense and almost too tense for you so you changed the subject. “there’s a corndog stall just before the mall we could have some of that or just go to a cheap little restaurant, I really want jjajangmyeon!”

At the shopping complex the three of you went to, you were looking at new jewellery and makeup for prom – especially the more pinky red tones. “This one would look good on you,” Kihyun picked a scarlet red lip tint and handing it to you to try. You already had some on so you turn to Changkyun, who was asking earlier to apply some for some reason, and beckon him over. “lemme try this on you, I already have some on,” you unscrew the lid and move closer to Changkyun. You could feel your heart beat out of your chest and your throat go dry. You elevate yourself, standing on the tip of your toes to apply the tint to his already pink lips although he lowers himself down for you, his eyes that captured the starry night, gazing back at you like you were the stars. “Do my lips look kissable yet?” his husky voice was low, it made you melt on the spot. It was to no surprise he’d say something along those lines – although lately he has been making remarks like this more frequently- but it caught you off guard. “h-huh, what?” you gulp. “Lips, kiss kiss” he moves closer and Kihyun returns to see what was happening and he clears his throat. “Just kidding, do you like the colour though,” Changkyun stands back straight and looks at Kihyun and back at you. “come on then let’s get this, you both must be hungry yall acting weird as hell.” He grabs a box of the shade you tried on him and heads to the tills.

“was he going to kiss you? Did I interrupt or something?” Kihyun asks, his heart aching ever so slightly. “n-no, that wasn’t my intention I didn’t know he’d do that!” you defend yourself. “did he make you feel uncomfortable, I’ll tell him to not make your uncomfortable just let me know and I’ll-” Kihyun was cut off by you; “no, he didn’t don’t worry. He’s not a creep for sure it’s just my feelings making me nervous but thanks for watching out for me.”

The evening went by quickly. The three of you enjoying your time together as much as you couldn’t until the evening came to an end and the departure began. You took the bus home with Kihyun again, his forehead pressed against the cool window pane and his bag between his arms. “are you asking Irene to prom?” you ask Kihyun, his head whipping to you like a deer seeing head lights for the first time. “why? Why do you ask, are we not going together?” his voice sounded upset, almost similar to sounding heartbroken. “oh no, I just thought you guys should because I wanted to ask Kyun to be my date, is that okay?” you sound like you were asking for permission but you didn’t want to sound condescending or rude by just stating it as a fact ‘I’m going to prom with Kyun, you go with Irene’ that’s wrong. “oh um I’ll just go with the boys and Irene then,” he nods and looks away to the busy evening streets. “oh my, really!” the excitement and relief floods your system, “you’re the best Kihyun, I love you so much!”

You love me the wrong way…

School was different now. You and Changkyun have very frequent flirtatious encounters and conversations and everyone began to catch on. Yet, Changkyun didn’t make a move yet. After school, specifically your evening classes you asked Changkyun to wait for you so you could walk home together or grab a coffee, to which he didn’t deny to. After making one last trip to your locker the locker is slammed in front of you making you jump. “KYUN! You scared me fuck sake,” you open it again to get your phone out. You both walk out, talking about whatever you usually talk about until you stop. “Changkyun…” you voice softens and you reach for his arm but he takes your hands into his and just holds it. You gulp before proceeding what you were going to tell him; “Firstly um.. I wanted to say that I-”

“I have feelings for you…”

“…I have feelings for you.”

You stop and nervously gulp and trying to not lose composure, your hands gripping his harder. You couldn’t believe your eyes or ears, did he really say it back? “Hey, don’t freak out but I thought it was obvious enough that I liked you?” he chuckles “who would’ve thought you’d return the feelings.” His hand rests on the back of your neck and you felt your cheeks burn like they were set alight. Your lips quiver nervously; his lips softly left a dainty kiss on your cheek and nothing more. “I wanted to ask if you’d be my date to prom? Is that what you wanted to ask me?” He smiles ever so purely. You nod. “well, today is your lucky day then!” He pulls you in for a hug. What the fuck just happened? He kindly walks you home and your mother sees him; “Changkyun, long time no see, come in!” she invites him in. “Oh thank you but I have to get home to help my little brother but maybe another time.” Your mother frowned. She saw Kihyun as a son but she had a strong liking towards Changkyun since you started high school.

School was different since the day Changkyun confessed to you. You weren’t expecting it at all but there you were, in an empty corner of the study room, with Changkyun next to you and Kihyun sitting opposite you. Whilst you were guiding your eyes across your page with your pen until Changkyun’s hand rested on yours on the table. Your instinctively moved your hand but you looked up at the distraught face as if he made you uncomfortable on accident. He mouthed, “I’m sorry” before turning back to his textbook, one hand resting in his lap; your hand glides over to his under the table and the hairs on Kihyun’s neck rose. He looked up to see you stare lovingly at Changkyun. It shouldn’t have bothered him so much, but it did. You gently pulled his hand closer to you and intertwined your fingers with his. He smiled at you, his hand burying in his free hand although when a teacher walked towards the table, you let go. She was searching for Jooheon; “is he not in today?” Kihyun asks. “no, this isn’t like Jooheon, I’ll ask for someone to phone home,” she stared you and Changkyun down. “work hard Changkyun.” Her voice was stern. Jooheon was actually performing today and no one but Kihyun knew. “He’s performing? Where?” you ask Kihyun. He answers your question before quietly going back to studying and checking his wristwatch.

Changkyun’s name flashes up on your phone and a smile is drawn across your face. You grab your phone and sit on your bed and tap at the screen to reply at the message. He asked when he could you and that Kihyun told him that he’d meet you both there. You sighed, you felt bad for leaving Kihyun out like that although you did try to get him a date – Irene – but it didn’t work out sadly.

A few weeks later…

Prom was surreal. The aura felt surreal. You sat at your dressing table and you twist the lid of the lip tint you bought with Kihyun and Changkyun and tapped it onto your lips and your apply some glitter to your eyes. You add a few more curls to your hair with your flat iron and spirts your perfume and turn around to look at yourself in the full length mirror. As you admire yourself, you hear someone at your door and a knock following it. “Hey Dumpling, it’s 7pm and I’m here to take you away,” he smiles looking down, standing up straight before walking closer to you. “I got this for you,” he pulls out a pink rose from behind him and hands it to you, his hands locking fingers with you. “first of all, that sounded so scary,” you laugh as you push him, palm on his chest but he hold your hand there. “wouldn’t our first dance be like this?” his arm wraps around your waist before your mother walked in and ruined the moment. “you should catch a taxi now by the way,” he points to the door “oh and don’t forget an umbrella!”

You didn’t think an umbrella was necessary so you didn’t take one but you and Changkyun sat at the back on the taxi. You were texting Kihyun;

You: hey! We’re on our way now. Are you there yet?

Kihyun: not yet, I’m waiting for Jooheon but he’s fixing his tie and we’ll leave. See you there

Kihyun hadn’t seen you yet and he knew for a fact it’d be like seeing something so heavenly for the first time. Not long after, everyone was together. The music, the lights, the crowds of people celebrating their final time together all in one room. You saw Kihyun holding a small bouquet of flowers until her saw you walk in hand in hand with Changkyun. Everything went grey and cold and his finger tips numb. He didn’t know what to do with the flowers, so he disappeared into the sea of people and returned, empty handed. You wave at Kihyun and the others and coverse with them until Changkyun and Kihyun went to get; Kihyun started a conversation with Changkyun.

“do you you really like her or is it a one time thing?” Kihyun asked, his tone bitter and dry.

“yea, I would believe so… I do like her?” Changkyun replies back “why do you sound… upset? Were you both a thing?” he questions as he stops what he was doing and turns around, “Is that what this is all about Kihyun?” Changkyun catches on quick.

“did you tell her you’re moving to the states or are you gonna hurt her by telling her last minute?” Kihyun bit down on his teeth hard, inhaling sharply.

“I- I haven’t but I’m sure she’ll understand right, she isn’t one to throw a fit Kihyun,” he puts a hand on his shoulder “It’ll be fine..” Changkyun smiles.

No, that wasn’t the point! Why can’t you get the message!

“I like her Changkyun and you knew I did but you go and confess you like her too?” Kihyun bites his lip drawing a little blood. “but she expressed her deep admiration for me, what else could I do? Break her poor heart?” There was an immediate silence. “Alright, this is in your hands…” Kihyun’s voice was harsh. Changkyun had never seen Kihyun so upset and hurt about something before after their years of friendship… hopefully this wouldn’t break the bond.

After a few hours, near the end of the night, the special event was taking place. King and Queen. “they do this in the states, I’ve seen it in movies-“ Jooheon jumps in excitement. “you’re too excited for this-“ you nudge him “let me be excited!” he smiles. Everyone goes quiet and mutters to each other who they think the winners would be. The girls who tried to get Kihyun’s attention waved at him from a far; “they definitely voted for you,” you scoff “why do you sound so disgusted, am I not worthy of prom king?” his gaze was strong, intimidating almost until he realised and smile to soften the mood. “Well Kihyun of course you are but those girls are trouble…” but during the conversation you were having with Kihyun you both missed the winners. You and Kihyun. As cliché as it sounds, you and Kihyun won. Everyone’s eyes were on you and Kihyun and you could see Changkyun at the back clapping for you, his eyes full of love and a hint of pain. You both received your prizes and from then on everything began to spiral…

“Since we didn’t tell each other where we’re going, let’s say it now in 3… 2...” you count down but you were interrupted by Changkyun. “I’m moving to the states for the rest of my studies.” He blurts out and gulps nervously hoping you wouldn’t think much of it. “w-what-” the smile drops and your face pales. “I’m mo-” he repeats but you stop him. “don’t tell me again, I heard…” you stare at him, eyes pooling. Has your heard already been broken? “why did you confess to me then?” Your dainty voice cracks. “because I wanted to and I knew you were going to do the same but-”

Everything sounded like it was underwater. You heard a faint ‘I’m sorry’ from him. You couldn’t hate him for moving that far, you couldn’t take that distance. Kihyun’s arm wraps around you and you immediately bury your head into his chest. Of course your childhood friend would always be there. “hey, don’t cry it’ll ruin your makeup” Kihyun tries to comfort you. Jooheon and Irene exchange awkward looks; “umm hey Irene should we umm go home?” Jooheon suggests, Irene fake yawns, “Yeah I’m getting tired, see you guys exam week,” She pushes past Changkyun and Jooheon follows.

Changkyun regrets his decisions, he should’ve stayed quiet. You regret yours too. The relationship couldn’t go on but luckily there wasn’t a proper start either. “we can still talk and be friends and despite the fact I like you.. that wont change,” he begins and you look up, your lashes wet from tears, “but feelings change with distance Kyun… sure we can be friends but god..” you tried to console yourself and so did Kihyun. “I’m sorry, I-I don’t know what more I can do…” He gulps. “maybe we should just depart for tonight and let the energy calm down” Kihyun suggested, “I can take you home if you want? He asked you and you nodded. “You can join if you want,” he gave Changkyun the option but he shook his head and said he’ll go alone. Everything was messy and your feelings should’ve been concealed. At least Kihyun was there to comfort you.

And I always will be.

↩ Chapter 1 

↪ 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 3

[jyunshiim]

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬; 𝙨𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙩 *✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷𝘒𝘪𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘶

Genre → romance | angst | friends to acquaintances | friends to lovers | college!au |

Contains → fluff | angst | Kihyun x reader ft Changkyun

Listen to →  Compass

Word count → 4207 words

TW → –

Chapters → | Chapter 2 | 

Summary: Best friends since childhood, you and Kihyun had always been by each other’s side before things began to turn in a different direction on Prom night. From then, things changed when you both transferred to college/university. Bonds collapse, deception and fear; what will the future hold?

[ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏 ]

９ ｙｅａｒｓ ａｇｏ． ． ．

You remembered your mother’s fingers tap against her arm as she leaned upon the ivory door frame of your best friends’ bedroom. “can I please stay a little longer, Kihyun and I haven’t even finished building the house yet,” you pleaded to your mother who had a smile painted across her face despite being tired from her job and taking care of you. “We have to go now, who will feed Kiwi?” She pretends to be concerned knowing it’ll lure you back home. “no, no I will feed Kiwi,” you immediately stand up and leave the little lego pieces on the floor. “I have to go and feed my cat now,” you from at a tiny Kihyun who sat distraught at the fact you were leaving him. The sky darkened and the nocturnal animals were ought to come out around now. “wave goodbye,” your mother nudges you gently and so you do, with a wide smile and your eyes full of hope.  

You and Kihyun met in daycare and ever since you became best friends. You did everything together and it went on into your senior years of school.

Moving on to further education, you and Kihyun attended the same schools including high school. High school was full of surprises and also many arguments too; friendships aren’t all as smooth as it seems. Kihyun waited at your locker after every lesson you had so you could both sit together with your other friends. Kihyun’s  5’7 slender physique leaned against the cool steel of the locker, his phone sitting in the curve of his hand, scrolling through what seems to be his text messages. He texted you around 3 minutes ago and huffed impatiently – he wasn’t the most patient person in the world - wondering where you were since your class finished exactly 3 minutes ago. The hallways were congested to the point where pushing pass was necessary. The scattered ‘excuse me’s and ‘sorry can I get past please’ were ever so repetitive but it got you through your high school experience up until now. You see Kihyun at your locker, his head resting against the steel.

“what took you so long?” his voice was fruity and oddly comforting to listen to. “my teacher wouldn’t shut up about our late assignments and was setting us more, I had no control over that,” you respond instantaneously as his arm draped around your shoulders. “right, I’ll give that to you,” he tuts and rolls his eyes playfully.

The pair of you ambled through the hallways towards the cafeteria and set your belongings down onto the round table and onto the chairs beside you to reserve them for your other friends since they were coming from the other side of the school. “Jooheon and Changkyun take so long to get here, I’m going to get food, do you want anything?” he asks you waiting to respond. “oh umm- yeah maybe like a sandwich or something?” you suggest. “That’s not enough, I’m buying you a meal,” he informed politely. – of course he’ll buy you a meal –

Jooheon and Changkyun finally make their way to the table where you sat, keeping it occupied so no one else sat there. “Yo where did Kihyun go?” Jooheon asks as he gets out a Kimbap roll from his bag and rips open the packet. You point at the queue where Kihyun was and notice a girl being pushed closer to him by her friends. “There they go again,” Changkyun sighs, “Let me go and help him.” Changkyun always knew these girls will throw themselves at whatever guy they would want to get their attention from and Kihyun hated it.

“o-oh sorry, I’ll keep moving forward,” He apologises to the girls knowing what they were doing. “It’s okay Kihyunnie,” the girl purred; Kihyun could swear he just threw up in his mouth. He ignored her until Changkyun came to save the day. “Kihyun how you doing?” his American accent ringing through the cafeteria. “Ah yes, the English card,” Jooheon nods whilst munching his roll. “Oh is this for me? Thanks, I’ll pay,” Changkyun says as he swipes his card and takes both trays with him and places it on the table. The girls look shaken behind them but in return Changkyun flashes a smug smile before seating himself next to you. “I hate them, they think they can do anything to get what they want,” Changkyun sighs, “you bought bought her lunch again but not for me, how sad,” He tuts, “ you need to pay me back since I paid for it actually so next ones on you alright?” he jokes with Kihyun before sliding the tray in front of you. “Thank you but you didn’t have to,” you pick up the cutlery that was on the tray. The girls walk past, their face painted with disgust whispering something to one another. Was it about you? The 4 of you sat together and talked about your lessons and gossiped about your teachers and also talked about that group of girls who have become an infection to your school. Luckily it was very soon until the end of the entire high school experience since prom was in a few months.

After you lunch break you didn’t have any classes left so you were contemplating whether to go home or stay to study. “Hey Kihyun, are you going to go home or stay to study?” you ask him, your honeyed tone captivating his attention. “Probably, I have a test to study for, do you want to go to the library or to some café?” he asks you. You think for a moment. It’d be more logical to stay at school and study in the library; “the library, I don’t think I can focus at a café,” You grab your books and notes from you locker and make your way to the library and find a table to sit at with Kihyun. The library was slightly fuller than usual, the tables had spaces for 4-6 people but it was only you and Kihyun sitting behind a shelf of books. You set your books and notebooks out for your Business class and open your text book which has an assortment of coloured sticky notes which were highlighted and extremely condensed down. “how?” Kihyun stares in awe at your study notes. “what? My notes?” you point at them “they’re really helpful, that extra effort its worth it” you smile softly at him. “yeah I know but how do you do it, I don’t even know where to start from.” Kihyun sighs. You delve into your bag again and grasp a hold of your transparent stationary holder which was filled with sticky notes, pens and bookmark sticky tabs. You pull your seat closer to Kihyun’s and move your hair behind your ear to help him and teach him how to take notes. You open his law textbook  and ask him what he needs to learn or understand so you knew where to start. “easy right?” you smile as you pass him some notes and memo sheets and he nodded his head, making himself believe that he new what he was doing. You turned back around to look at you textbooks, your eyes scanning the text book although Kihyun’s eyes often glanced away from the paper and pen and was captured by how focused you were, how you would unconsciously tuck your hair behind your ear, how your eyes scan the text you were reading and then articulate it into something concise yet informative. He needed a quick break to grab some water but you didn’t notice that he left since you were focused on studying. He placed a plastic cup on your desk and tapped your shoulder. “make sure you drink? Water is good for your brain” Kihyun smiles at you before sitting back down. “o-oh thank you!” you take the cup and drink the water, “I was going to have a short break anyway to get some water, how’s your notes going?” you ask him looking over to see a few notes here and there but he tried to cover it. “u-uh it’s, going okay.” You stand up to see the other side of him, he was doing quite well and learning how to take notes like you. “see you are doing good, isn’t it so much easier?” you ask him. He nods and hums his response. “don’t worry you’ll get the hang of it,” you nudge him softly.

An hour and a half passes and it was time to go home. You gather all your belongings organising them and putting them back into your bag, reaching for your jacket to which you find isn’t there to your surprise. “o-oh,” you sounded confused “ did I bring my jacket with me?” you ask Kihyun who had already shoved his textbook into his bag. “Oh um, You didn’t bring it with you from the cafeteria you might’ve left it there,” he shrugs “ we can go and look for it now?” He suggests and you agree with him, opening the doors to the library to leave. The school was oddly quiet. Probably because everyone leaves incredibly quickly but you and Kihyun make your way to the cafeteria and nothing was there. “ugh,” you grunt sounding annoyed “ whatever, I’ll look tomorrow and lost and found,” you drag yourself out of the cafeteria and head towards the exit.

“hey dumpling,” Changkyun calls out to get your attention. “stop calling me dumpling, It’s not cute or endearing,” you sigh “why are you still here?” you ask. “seems like someone lost their jacket,” he holds it in his hand, “ you have to get it though,” his smug smile appears gradually. You sigh and try to grab however he pulls It away from you and decides to mess with you and hold It above his head. “awh look at you, you can’t even reach it, that’s so cute” he chuckles. “just give it back, I want to go home” you whine before giving up, “I’ll walk home COLD then.” You turn around and walk knowing he’ll give it back; “okay okay hey, HEY, take it,” he says as he drapes it over your shoulder and Kihyun follows hands in his pockets. Walks home with Kihyun and Changkyun started to become the norm since the start of high school until now. You knew that once you move, everything will change and it haunted you so you enjoyed the moment whilst it lasted.

You arrived at your house and you wave your friends goodbye. “when will your mum make that soup again?” Changkyun asks. “I’m not too sure, I can ask her to make it on Friday?” You suggest. They both look at each other and nod their heads in unison.

It was late in the evening and you open your laptop; 9:45pm. You sigh. It’s been exhausting but you spent all evening tidying, cleaning and also resting after your meal. You lean back into your desk chair, the squeak startling your puppy Lucas. He hid under your bed from the sound then soon after leaving the dark abyss under your bed with a squeaky red ball. You open a word document that had over 9 thousand words for a project that you were doing for your business class. You’d study all night for your classes, some nights on call to Kihyun or another one of your friends, Irene. Tonight, you felt like being alone for some reason, perhaps because your best friend was a distraction?  - I’m probably a distraction too – you think to yourself. You look at your computer and think to play something just to get your mind off school for once. You had a selection of things to do for your classes but a slight break from school wouldn’t hurt. The bright screen of your PC lit up your dimly lit room, your window open to let in the winters breeze as well as the moon beaning outside of your window tonight. You grab your headphones and plug them into the headphone jack and you see Changkyun playing the game you wanted to play.

“Yo look at who’s on,” he says in his annoying mocking tone. “you’ve seen me play before, don’t act so surprised,” you scoff, “is Kihyun playing today?” you ask Changkyun. “I don’t think so, he said he had some notes to finish and study, what a loser,” Changkyun laughs “ I mean, he lives up to that name doesn’t he,” making you laugh a little. Changkyun had always been there for you and for Kihyun, making you and Kihyun always make up by doing the most absurd things he could think of. He comforted you as well as Kihyun.

Whilst you wait in the lobby, your phone screen lights up blue with a notification from Kihyun. It was a text message.

“hey my wifi died but I was going to message you to ask what you are doing?” Kihyun texted you. You responded back almost immediately; “ I’m online playing with Changkyun hbu?” you ask. The response was delayed by a couple minutes. “I’m studying atm, if only if could go online I’d play with you” he responds with a sad faced emoticon. “I wish you could too, maybe have an early night and rest, I’ll go in a bit too,” You message him. “I’ll go whenever you do,” – that’s new, he never used to wait for you– “I mean the rounds are really long but we can call if you want,” you tap at your screen. “ it’s okay, just message me okay,”

You start a round with Changkyun, immersing yourself into the game and occasionally yelling when he’d kill you or when he’d win. “hey! That’s not fair I was drinking!” you squeal when he sneaks around the corner and gets his final kill. “no! how?” you growl. “I have never heard you grown on voice chat,” Chankgyun burts into laughter “it’s cute don’t worry, it’s like a little tiger cub.” You hand reaches for your phone to text Kihyun; it had been at least 30 minutes since you last messaged him. “hey Yoo, you still awake?” you press the blue send button and wait for the response. You kept your phone unlocked and settled it onto your desk beside your pink bunny plushie Kihyun got for your birthday which was placed next to a framed photo of you both. You glanced at your phone every second but he hadn’t opened it or read the message, perhaps he fell asleep waiting for you? “Oi why are you so quiet? Did anything happen?” Changkyun noticed the drastic change in your behaviour. “oh it’s nothing I was just waiting for Kihyun to reply but I think he fell asleep.” You lock your phone after sending him a goodnight. “yeah probably, he doesn’t study for this long so many he just fell asleep and it is 1am-” he reminds you. “1am! Shit I need to go to bed,” you scurry around and put your things away, “I’ll play with you tomorrow or something whenever Kihyun is free, I’ll be going to bed now Goodnight!” you frantically leave the game and wash up and get ready for bed. You lean against your oak headboard, your phone between your hands and scroll through your Instagram. The girls who tried to shoot their shot posted and you felt a pit fall in your stomach making your mouth go bitter.– Why do they think they’re so entitled?– you scoff before locking your phone and setting it onto the wireless charging pad you got from Irene. You lay in your bed letting the cool air in your room circulating settle onto your skin making the little hairs on your arms raise. You close your eyes, your eyelids were heavy, and sunk into your mattress letting the cotton sheets intertwine with your body the warmth sheathing your body. You let out one last sigh before drifting off into a sound slumber.

6:30 am. You twist and turn until you turn your alarm off dragging yourself to your bathroom from your bedroom and push the tap up letting the water run until it went warm. You tiredly reached out for your toothbrush and toothpaste, squeezing the white paste from the tube then setting it down on the sink. Lucas whimpers at your feet wanting you to open the garden door for him so whilst you brushed your teeth you opened the garden door for him and continued your morning. You got dressed as usual and went to the kitchen to see what was for breakfast. It was an omelette roll and some sautéed vegetables. You quickly ate your breakfast with a cup of coffee and looked at your phone. “Good morning, sorry for not replying last night but studying is so exhausting! Are you taking the bus today?” Kihyun messages you. “yeah I am,” you reply sipping the bitter, lukewarm liquid from your cup before pouring it down the sink, “is it near my house?” you furiously type before bolting to your room to grab your bag, Airpods and your jacket. Before you were about to dash through the door, you remembered your lunch. “ugh whatever, I’ll just buy lunch,” you say to yourself before running to the bus stop.  You got there on time and go onto the bus; you search for Kihyun and there he was at the back, his bag reserving a seat for you before the girl from the day before spotted it thinking it was for her. – How humiliating– you slowly walk towards him.

“hey,” she flutters her lashes forcing her cutesy tone, “can I sit here?” she asks. Kihyun locks eyes with you and gulps, “oh um well- AH you are here!” he looks at you as you walk towards the two. You could see her eyes fill with fury and her blood could be heard boiling within her. “hey, did you save the seat for me?” you decided to pull her leg a little. She scoffs and turns around to realise that there are no seats, and she has to stand so she walked away and held onto the rings to keep her stable. “She won’t leave me alone,” Kihyun whispers to you, “what do I do?” you let out a soft laugh. “Don’t you know you get encounters like this because you’re single and prom is soon?” you shake your head “how naïve” you nudge him. “oh yeah true, you have a point.” He looks down at his phone scrolling through his feed and you glance over at him. “so, Kihyun, do you like anyone?” you hum leaning into him, trying to see his face, being playful like you usually are. “I-I don’t think I do,” he nods, “why are you asking?” his voice sounded apathetic when he replied. “did I say anything wrong? You sound really… off?” your playfulness disintegrated, and you were confused at his rapid change in emotion. “no you didn’t, I-I just didn’t have coffee this morning, I’m still a bit tired,” he clears his throat and looks outside, “Don’t worry about it, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He hands you a little chocolate truffle wrapped in gold.

The bus stopped at your school and you both got off however the girl shoved past you causing you to drop the wrapped chocolate on the floor which she then stepped on looking back to make sure you were looking. The evil in her eyes burned bright. Kihyun didn’t see what just happened since Changkyun ran up to him and began talking. You stand still for a second as people push past you, why was she so against you? –what did I do?– “Hey sleep well last night?” Changkyun asks you, his joyful voice added to his charismatic personality. “it was great, I had a nightmare that you broke into my house to get your final kill,” you laugh softly, “that wasn’t a good dream…” you roll your eyes. “wow, Kihyun do you hear this? She dreams of me,” Changkyun provokes you to react defensively, joking around with you. “You’re making it sound so wrong,” you yell. “you finish early right? Do you want to go for lunch together?” Kihyun’s honeyed voice asks you. “Of course, if you’re paying,” you smile endearingly. “Okay, I’ll pay” his arm wraps around your  shoulder before Changkyun decides to open his mouth again. “why don’t you just hold hands?” he jokes again “ you both look like a couple anyway,” He bites at his coffee straw. “No we don’t!” You laugh but only 2 of the three of you laughed at the harmless joke. “awh no, I have class,” Changkyun, “it’s fine you both can go we can hang out another day.”

Time was inching closer to your lunch break. It was nearly time to leave, just a couple more minutes. You eyed the time like you life depended on it, you were itching to leave the dingy classroom – I can’t wait to go to university– the ringing of the bell saves you from you thoughts eating you from inside. You dash out the door, or so you thought you would however Kihyun stood there waiting for you with your jacket he got from your locker. “Let’s go,” he smiles before putting his hand on your back and guiding you towards the exit. “damn you were quick,” you prodded his arm. “ well, you can always count on me, we’re like each others-“ he thinks for a moment, “we’re like each others Compass.” Kihyun’s words always sounded poetic one way or the other. He really knew how to sway you with his words, probably from all those years he made you feel comfortable and content whenever you had a hard time. “There’s this restaurant place down the road if you wanna go?” he points down the road. “oooh yeah sure, let’s go!” your ecstatic energy surprising Kihyun as you cling to his arm. He hesitated but the corner of his mouth curled into a smile and his hands rested in his pockets to seem as if he were chilled out in this situation when in fact he was yelling inside, at the top of his lungs.

The interior of the restaurant was simple yet pretty to look at. It was Bohemian inspired; the stained wooden chairs and tables and the white curtain like bunting on the plants above the ceiling. It also has an element of a rustic style too. You and Kihyun walked in and were seated; you look at the menu and your eyes scan down the laminated card. You point out a soup that you want and a drink too, “ these look really good!” you smile at him as he tries to keep himself at bay. “mmh yeah it does, I’ll get the same as you then!” He calls the waitress and orders what you wanted.  Lunched passed my sooner than you’d expected but you both get out your cards to pay.

“what are you doing?” Kihyun sounded perplexed to say the least. “paying for my lunch, what else Kihyun?” He pauses at you, eyeing you up and down then whisking the card away from you. “Not today, my treat okay?” he goes to a waitress as you wait at the table. He left his bracelet on the table so you swiped it into your bag to give to him later. When Kihyun turns around, it was like the gates of Heaven opened up; there was a luminescent glow outlining his angelic features, features that were carefully sculpted by groups of angels. He was just perfect. Whilst he leads you out, you both walk to the bus stop before he pauses and begins to speak. “you know you asked me if I like anyone,” he starts off getting your hopes up thinking he’ll tell you something that’d make your heart happy, “well, do you like anyone?” his head tilts like a little puppy would when they’re confused. “hmm..” you think, unconsciously smiling to yourself, “maybe maybe not Kihyun,” you shrug giggling at his ‘O’ shaped mouth. “You are unbelievable, did you know that,” he tuts, “whatever don’t tell me, the bus is here anyway.” The bus stops and he gets on scanning his pass and you follow and do the same. There were no seats so you both had to stand; he stood behind you and held the rings above and you held onto the railings. The bus jolted and you lost your balance slightly although managing to get a hold of yourself but at the next stop, a group entered the  vehicle and it was cramped. There was a middle aged man toppling onto you and as the bus jolted again he nearly crushed your petite frame until Kihyun shielded you. You looked at him. What an angel.

“Hey, Kihyun…” you whisper and he lowers down slightly to hear what you have to say with a cheerful bright smile on his face that beamed like a sun on a summers day, “you wanna know who I like right?” you giggle into his ears. His ears burned a pinkish-red; “I really really like Changkyun.”

––

➠ Chapter 2

[jyunshiim]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝑨𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒆*✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘩𝘰 𝘟 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘶

Genre → angst | soulmate!au | romance | dystopian!au |

Contains → death | angst | heartbreak |

Listen to → wherever there is a hyperlink

Word count → 5462 words

TW → angst | major character death | pain | mention of su*cide | triggering topics | death |

→ please note that this is fiction and does not reflect real life scenarios at all. take caution if you are triggered by some of the content.

Summary: Districts apart, two soulmates can feel and hear each others deafening cry for help and gradually falling for the sound of each other yearning to break the rules to unite.

                                                     [ 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏]

The alarm blares through the torn, treacherous city that was now your home; crumbling debris scattered across the left over rubble and concrete from the dismembered buildings that was once an office complex. It was finally the end of the war between the government and the people of the city, although the people only suffered more. New laws were enforced to maintain the city’s population and each household was closely monitored to make sure none of these harsh laws were broken. You let out a short sigh, your warm breath merging with the thick, suffocating air you inhaled. What a time to live in. The streets weren’t the same as they were before; cracked and crumbled with every step you took. This wasn’t the city you knew and loved, this felt like the end. This felt like the end of civilisation. New laws where put in to control population; no romantic or sexual emotion to anyone; it was a strict rule with serious consequences that your friends and family have endured. These were controlled by a drug that every doctor were forced to give to every one of their patients old or young, ill or well; it stopped certain chemicals in ones brain from responding however there were side effects. When this epidemic was once a myth, never existing in this time and era but there you were witnessing everything being ripped away from you, your friends, everyone. Your mother was 1 of 2000 test patients that the drug was tested on, your were one too. The liquid was injected into your skin, piercing through and spreading throughout your body although it was thought that it worked. The fog set and the blazing sun only peered through the ashy clouds before disappearing again beyond the horizon. Police officers patrolled the streets to make sure laws were being followed and no one was hidden away in the alleys. Crime rates were incredibly high; there were at least 2 gun riots every week to prove that the people were suffering, that you needed freedom, only to be cuffed and chained away in a prison sell or worse sentenced to death. This was the world you lived in. This was reality.

It was Friday, the sun was blazing through the grey, ashy clouds which loomed over the demolished buildings, the constant sounds of sirens and shouting blaring through the windows of your home. You had what was left by the people who once lived around you - who had taken their own lives from the pressure and constant torment they had to live with- it was a lonely neighbourhood. The citizens of the city were only allowed to leave their homes for necessary reasons and had to ration food in order to stay alive - it was as if the world was going back in time. Your heart ached as you watched your mother in her bed, afraid she will take her last breath with her hand in yours. It hurt so much. You couldn’t bare to imagine the loss of someone who kept you safe in all the wars and riots but she also couldn’t imagine the loss of someone who loved her as much as you did. The stinging of your eyes returned, eyes pooling with tears as you hold your mothers hand tightly; “don’t worry about me my love, you will be safe and I know you can live without me,” your mother croaked to you, every breath she took seemed like her last. “don’t s-say that.. p-please,” your voice stammers to the though of her leaving you alone in this relentless world with no one but yourself. Shakily, she caresses your arm, cups your face and smiles, “my angel will always be a warrior in my eyes, fight for yourself, for what you believe in,” her words hurt more than anything in that time and moment. Soon after, it was time for you to continue with your studies which was done online; it was surprising even in all this destruction, the government value education over safety. You sit at your oak desk, decorated with memoirs of when life was so much better when you and your friends were living at your best, a small pink bunny plushie and a painting your best friend gifted you. A sharp pain proliferates from your chest and you groan in pain as you stumble to the floor; “don’t you fucking do that again kid, got it?” you hear echoing in your head startling you, “ᴹ: don’t fucking touch me, I did nothing” It felt like your own voice, it felt like you were living someone else’s life in your own head and not knows. the pain struck again, your chest feeling as if were being crushed. “ᴹ:Who is that, what voice is in my head?” the male voice panicked and grunted as he pushed the foot of the officer who was crushing his chest before bolting. You could finally breathe; you pant trying to catch your breath rubbing your chest but the pain didn’t linger. You let it slide thinking it was just the fumes seeping in from inside making you delusional. The blue screen gleamed at you, your teacher waiting for you in the lobby. “ʸ/ᴺ: I really don’t want to do this class,” you think to yourself before hitting your knee on the table leg. “ᴹ:what the fuck, why does my knee hurt?” The voice in your head speaks again. It was the second time it happened so you tried to think of what to do - of course you’d try and communicate with this voice. “ʸ/ᴺ: hi? if you can hear me please respond,” you gulp hoping you weren't going crazing talking to yourself in your head. “ᴹ: hey? I can hear you am I going crazy? did they do something to me?”

The voice responds, panicked.

“ʸ/ᴺ: hey don't worry, you’re not going crazy, i thought I was crazy too, my name is y/n,” There was a short pause. “ᴹ: Minho...” He wasn't certain that he was hearing you, it didn't feel so right at all. Silence was all that you were greeted with after that and you hoped that it was all just stress messing with your mind. “ᴹ: why can you hear me and why can I hear you” He asked, the tone in his voice sounding perplexed, just as you were. “ʸ/ᴺ: I don’t know but don’t you think this is cool?”  you tried to sound at least half convincing to this boy that was speaking in your head. “ᴹ: I guess... where are you from?” He asks slightly easing off.

You converse with him for a while, sharing where you were from - since the city have broken into different sectors - it turned out that he lived on the most brutal sector of the city, sector 7, where the crime rates were the highest. Whilst doing your work, Minho would often tune in to talk about something or share something that you wouldn’t have known about like the night cops invading innocent people’s homes just because a person lied about seeing them steal and other gruesome sightings. Minho sounded lonely, from all the scandalous and rebellious affairs that he commits, he seemed like he needed someone to talk to. You sat in your bed and glared at the ceiling. Your dinner wasn't the most filling thing but it’s all you had. “hey you still awake?” Minho’s voice echoed in your ears. “hi Minho, I am awake, why aren’t you asleep yet?” You glanced the clock, 2am. “I’m not really tired and I want to go outside by I can see cops patrolling the area,” he sighs “i miss when everything was normal,”

You can feel yourself immersing yourself into your memories; the skies were bluer, the incandescent burning sphere gleaming onto the verdant grass, apple trees blossoming in every park you went to. Every corner you turned, every store you entered, you were greeted with ecstatic smiles. but everything was dark now, like you’ve fallen into an abyss of misfortune and inauspicious.

You wanted to leave.

“wanna escape with me? Minho asks through nothing but the connection you both had. “wh-what?” you throat closes every so slightly to even hear such an outlawed word. Escape. “I would do anything to leave this place, but is there anywhere to go?” You pause for a little bit. “maybe now isn’t a good time actually, maybe we should plan out escape!”

Everything was too overwhelming for you.

Days, weeks and months went by where you’d talk to Minho, the sweet sound of his voice kept you company and, ultimately, kept you sane in this chaos of a life you were living. You wanted to put an abrupt stop to it, maybe it would’ve been better if you ended it all a couple years back. It stuck with you after that day when you attempted to but your mother risked her life to save you; you were the reason she was hospitalised ever since. Your sister could take care of her if you left. Thoughts fed into your brain before you collapsed from the stress. Minho’s heart felt like it was ripped out of his chest, a black bruise slowly appears near the tail of his left brow. You hit your head hard onto the banister of your house and lay there, unconscious. Your sister didn’t seem to care about you much although only care if your mother was okay and that YOU were taking care of her. Hurts doesn’t it? The faint sound of your sister’s wailing was ringing in your ears but Minho’s voice floods your ears and that’s all you hear. Him.

“Hey, are you okay?” he pants as if he can’t breathe. “yn, are you breathing, i cant breathe so-” he gasps for air. you try to respond but you couldn’t but something went through. “WAKE UP! please-” he wails. For once someone cared about you and you felt your chest fill up and you gasped for air once again. “did you try to do it again...” your sister asks monotonously. “No. i didnt. stop bringing it up...”

Your heart ached and it wasnt from what just happened but the fact Minho fell in love with your voice. You could tell he did and you knew you did too but held back from it. “hey hey hey! are you okay? you weren’t responding for a while-” You cut minho off. “i’m fine, just fainted and bashed my head a bit.”. “I think thats an understatement.. judging from the bruise on my face right now,” he chuckles. Fuck. “omg i’m so sorry, i didnt know that happened!” you panic before he assures you it’s all okay. you heart feels warm, like there was a small sun melting the ice that once covered it. How was it possible to fall in love with someone you haven’t seen before? The connection you felt with him was unreal, you felt like you’ve known him your whole life.

“Let’s run away from here,” You thought to yourself so he could hear you. “Are you being for real, you’re not joking are you?” he responded sounding excited yet a little concerned for the rapid change of mind. “you haven’t even met me yet so why don’t we do that first?” He suggests and it leaves you in sudden shock again. “hey? is there anything wrong,” he assumed he scared you off but you were struggling to articulate a sentence to talk to him. “maybe, it de-” he cuts you off. “ lets meet tomorrow, midnight, where the Willow trees are,” he sounded confident but you weren’t; you were worried. “the off limit area?” you ask. “yes, don’t hold back, take some risks isn’t this what life is for?”

and from that single utterance, a flood of reason took over making you feel different.

[ Play →  Nocturne ]

Haziness sheathed the ruptured city, or what remained of it whilst the mild breeze brushed past your cascading ebony locks that suddenly stopped when the winds calmed down; It reminded you of when you and your friends would have such a joyous time together until the destruction. No one was around at this time, 00:23, you tighten the strings to your hoodie and grip onto your jacket whilst briskly walking towards the Willow trees. It was a preserved area only to be admired from a far since it was the only bit of the past that was left in your city. No one knew what was beyond the Willow trees however many created conspiracies that there was a beautiful ocean on the outskirts of the city no one knew about, some even mentioned that it was a widespread field and then a boarder which was deemed to be a death wish to those who attempted to cross it. Although you weren’t going there to prove to yourself what was beyond the verdant leaves and arching Willow trees, you were there to see him. The one that was ought to be your soulmate. The pathetic wired fence was already chewed through by wild animals such as foxes or stray dogs, conveniently small enough for you to slip through. As you slid through, the heavenly sensation of grass makes your senses go hysterical! Wondering carefully through the trees, you hear rustling and turn around to see if anyone was following you. There was no sign. You turn back around to face the front and there he was and before you could react, his hand draped over your mouth and he held you against his body as he spun and pushed his back against the tree. Minho was holding you. How did he know it was you? There was a brief pause before anything was said and that’s when you heard rattling of keys and footsteps scurrying around. You nearly got yourself caught but he saved you.

“Sorry, I had to do that, I saw some policemen as you were walking in,” he whispered. “Anyway, I’m Minho, the little voice in your head,” his lip curved one way as his head tilted simultaneously the same way. You were in awe, you wouldn’t have imagined him to look this way; his chestnut brown hair and tiger-stone hued irises were what stood out the most to you, besides his tall frame and the aura of his mischievousness and charm. You could see his features illuminated in the full moon and he gently let go of you but you didn’t want him to. It felt reassuring, like someone actually cares about you for you and not because of what you can bring. He took you to the further end, away from the gates. Trickling of a small little waterfall, the gentle rustling of the leaves in the mild breeze along with the presence of your soulmate; it felt too good to be true! Minho guided you to a small shelter which seemed to have been there for a while. “Here’s my escape and where I talk to you most the time,” he sits down in the little den he made and you follow him and sit next to him. The moon was full tonight, illuminating the gentle lake as a crickets sing at the banks. You felt warm within, you felt at home. The longing had finally stopped; his hand lay beside him and you just imagined your fingers intertwining, Minho holding you close and keeping you safe. You craved for it after everything you had been through; “yn, you do know I can hear nearly everything you think of?” Minho smiles at you and moves closer to you, his arm wrapping around your waist, hands touching, your fingers slowly intertwining. “you can lay your head on me if you want to, just know you’re finally safe with me,”

[  Play →  Moonlight Sonata ]

You finally felt free with Minho and you both talked under the full moon although you started to shiver, the icy wind biting at your skin. Minho pulled a blanket and it draped over both of you to keep you warm and he held you tightly, not wanting to let you go. You felt the urge to lean your head onto his chest to which he allowed you, your body freely leaning onto his chest; like two magnets attracted to each other. There was no repelling force at this given moment. Hours shot by and before you knew it, it was time to depart for the first time. Hesitantly, your fingers leave his hands, slipping them into your pockets before he gazed ever so lovingly into your eyes; “I’ll see you again. Maybe this should be our day?” he chuckles before suddenly kissing your cheek. A soft gasp leaves your lips whilst he looks back at you mischievously; “didn’t see that one, did you?” he smiles, “get going, I don’t want you to get in trouble,” He says before waving you goodbye and pulling his hood over his head and walking the opposing way. You wanted to go back and hug him once more, his warmth melting every icicle in your body, the ice that coated your heart finally gone. It felt warm again. He briefly stops for a moment, “Let’s meet again,” the soft smile which was illuminated by the lune that ruled the abyss looming over you. His softly tanned yet slightly pale skin was perfectly glazed by the cool luminosity of the moon. “to our hearts content?” you respond to him. “To our hearts content,” lets out a little satisfied sign, as if he were holding his breath before pulling the strings to his jacket and escaping the preserved meadow.

Your arrival was prompt, and you were not caught by anyone during the early hours of the morning. Your sister was fast asleep, and your window was open ajar from when you left, so climbing in was easy. “I miss you,” Minho speaks to you. A swarm of butterflies intrude the calmness you were experiencing, nervousness deluging throughout. “Nervous to hear my voice again?” you knew he was teasing you again. But that’s when you felt at ease again too; his mellifluous voice, like a river of honey trickling. He made you feel like you were in utopia; verdant flora, blue skies, bunnies and birds as free as they could be in meadows. He made you feel free, like you were running through that meadow holding his hand, just you and Minho and the world. But right now, it was chaos, destruction, violence, murder, crime – there was no running in meadows with your soulmate however there was running away amongst debris and stained concrete from them in order to stay safe. And that was the sad truth.

→  𝟔 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫

[ Play →  Black Swan ]

One night, 2 months ago, Minho finally asked to make your forbidden relationship official and without hesitation you nodded your head. It was memorable since you couldn’t forget the passion he put into the kiss you both exchanged; the way his hand cupped your face, his fingers brushing your cheek and through your hair, his other hand pulling your waist close to you. You remembered the way his lips manoeuvred across your lips to your cheeks then briefly pausing to gaze lovingly into your eyes. You wouldn’t forget the first time he said those three words; “I love you,” the genuine tone in his voice, stammering, it sounded like he was scared. He was afraid of loss. “I won’t leave you, I promise,” you brushed your thumb across his cheek, assuring him you weren’t going to go anywhere. Everything felt more surreal than surreal that night until reality struck the next day when you got home.

“yn, where have you been sneaking off to so late at night?” your sister asks. It wasn’t curiosity, it was to get you arrested, taken away, imprisoned. “nowhere, I just need fresh air from constantly being inside, you do you care?” you snap, you were done being so nice – Minho was right, it was time for you to do what you wanted for yourself. “You’re right I don’t care, I want you to stop putting mother and I in danger for once and just follow what the government have told us, you don’t have to rebel against everything?” Her ears were burning red, her anger rising with every word she spoke, but it didn’t bother you. Minho was with you all the time, hearing your feelings when you thought about them. You remained calm. “WHY ARE YOU NOT REACTING? WHY AREN’T YOU SAYING ANYTHING?” she yells at you. You let out a little chuckle, “is that what you want from me? A reaction, to yell at you, to say how much I hate you?” The silence was deafening at this point. “what are you going to do, report me? Because it will all lead back to you because you could’ve stopped me within these 6 months but you didn’t?” You said as she stood there empty headed, struggling to articulate a sentence to snap back. Nothing. “why do you hate me so much to put me in danger?” she stuttered, the selfish remark suddenly sinking into her making her have her own self-realisation how ridiculous she sounded. She rapidly turned around and slammed her room door; “well done yn, I’m proud of you,” he comforted you. Your sister began to avoid you and would disappear at odd times, her door would be locked all the time until one day she didn’t come home from the store. You panicked and went to check her room before you could do anything else and there was a small brown envelope on her bed with the money you gave her for the groceries and a small letter;

“I’m sorry for everything but I can’t bare to live this harsh life anymore and look after mother anymore. I put you through enough pain but you equally put me through more~ don’t look for me and throw this away when you find it.”

You immediately panic but it was too late. The police showed up at your door for a thorough investigation but found nothing. You clutched onto the letter and shoved it in your pocket before you were summoned for a brief interview. You couldn’t believe what just happened and you didn’t want to, and you tried so hard to hold back the tears that were flooding your eyes. You knew if your mother heard this she’d react badly, and her health would be in danger, but it was just so inevitable. The heart monitor near your mother’s bed started to blare an alarming sound; she was in critical danger. You charge over to your mother and try to get her back on track, but it was no use, the news of your sister startled her. It’s not nice hearing such tragic news.

And that was the day you lost two people to one stone. The stone being you. The burden that destroyed the family.

There was nothing to lose now, no one to live for except Minho. “Minho, I want to see you, but we don’t have to hide anymore” You lay in your bed after the police leave, taking away your mother. The silence was painful, salty tears trailing down your cheeks and into the corners of your lips. The bitter taste in your mouth remained there and you wanted Minho to change that. “I can’t stay with you at your home yn, I’m from a different district,” he reminded you. “what if we escaped, remember? That’s what you told me right? Why don’t we just do it?” you pleaded him. “are you sure? What happened?” He asks, concerned. “can we meet today?”

The air was thick and misty. You crawled through the wired fence again and ran to the specific spot again and you saw him waiting for you, his arms wide open; you and Minho were like the last puzzle piece, finally connecting. You hide your face into his chest and he gently rocks you side to side, his hand caressing your head and tightening his embrace. “there, there, I’m here for you don’t cry please, I hate to see you hurt,” he whispers into your ear. “have you ever lost someone before?” you sob into his hoodie and grip it tightly to his response was simple yet spoke a million emotions – “yes…” you could hear his heart speed up and his grip become firmer. There was no breeze today and it was suffocating. It was like the worlds way of saying ‘you deserve it’. “do you want to hear a story?” he asks you, stroking your soft locks as you lay on his chest on the grass under the Forbidden Willow tree. You nod your head, curious as to what the story was.

“ There was a boy as young as the age of 8 years old. He would get up to all sorts of trouble until one day his town was ambushed by a political group wiping out nearly half of the population. As he grew up in fear and terror, he heard a little voice in his head thinking it was his guardian angel – he was 14 years old at the time but it would often come and go. He would talk to his angel now and then until the age of 16 he realised it was a real person. As the saying goes, God creates us in pairs and sometimes those pairs have to wait lifetimes to find the right one or even leads to the right person. The angel he spoke to mysteriously disappeared until one day it was revealed that she took her own life. He never knew why but he though that was the last of it. Until one day, at the age of 20, another voice began to ring in his head when the boy was in a fight with someone in a new district. It was like a magnet pulling him to them. From then he wanted to make the most of it and keep her safe and do anything to be with her.” –

“And that’s why I’m with you now”

You look up at him, your doe eyes tear stained and slightly puffy. “should we leave this place?” he asks you and there was no time to think, it was all impulsive to deal with your pain. “Let’s go, far away from here, tomorrow at dawn” you say without a second thought. He had nothing to lose either, as long as you were together. You could see the stars in his eyes gleam and glow with great fire; your chin rested on his shoulder; the gentle nuzzles making you feel safer than you have ever been. You had set yourself up to a great task which sounded impossible, but what was there to lose?

 [Play → experience ]

Clouds sheathed the blazing red sky. For some reason, the aura was tense like the universe was warning you. The sky was painted vermillion, the blazing sun peaking at the horizon although the vicious winds so tempestuous, that it rattled your home and also destroyed many crops. These storms would pass by every 3 years, no one knew why but it did. 4:54 AM – the silence of your home was so deafening that you yearned for freedom, to be able to run across sunflower fields. Your future awaits. You had full control of it now. You shoved a few things into bag and threw it over your shoulder before leaving stealthily through your back window. “don’t  be scared My Love,” your heart panged in slight pain hearing that specific phrase from him. It pained you since you were your mother’s Love, her pride and joy but coming from him, from none other than Minho, it felt different. “I’m not scared, you’re with me, right? You’ll stay by my side won’t you?” you communicate to yourself – what if it’s a trap? – you murmur to yourself. He seemed to really have a deep admiration for you, he actually cared? Whatever. You ran as fast as you could to the Willow trees and crawled under the broken wire fence. You ran. Fast. No thoughts at all, just your wish to be with Minho. You see Minho waiting outside the small shack that you both would hang out in, his arms out and ready to embrace you. You fall into his arms forgetting anything and everything and you both topple over and Minho grunts as he collides against the grass. He saved you before he could save himself from the fall and in the heat of the moment, you pressed your lips against Minho’s, hands cupping his face. Simultaneously, Minho’s hand rests at your nape whilst the other wraps around your waist. You both were fully immersed in the heat of the moment before Minho rolled over and positioned him above you, his hands holding your wrists either side of you. It startled you slightly, but you saw Minho in a different light. His head lowered into the crook of your neck before stopping to whisper something into your ear; “You’re okay with this right?” He gulps nervously. You nod knowing you can trust him with your whole life. His head dips into the crook of your neck, his lips pursed pressing onto your neck like a stamp, inking paper with his love. You try to reach to touch his chestnut locks, he releases his grip; your fingers intertwine through his soft locks. A wholesome moment turns a sharp turn when passion, desire and a hint of lust combines. Minho stays gentle with you although his kisses start to have a hint of heat to it, his tongue trailing town your neck nipping at your skin. You wanted to make the most of this. Of course, things escalated fast, pleasure and devotion. However it was cut short – there was rustling and it wasn’t the wind… You both scurried into the corner of the small building you were in and remained silent, Minho holding you close. There were flashlights, searching around the area but bearing in mind the police force are just so useless they didn’t find you. 6:02 AM. It was time to make the grand escape. Minho waited 5 minutes to pass since they usually linger until something happens, a sick way to arrest and execute people to be honest. 

“Let’s go ~” Minho’s fingers interlink with yours and creeps towards the other side of the preserved area of land. Minho reached into his bag for some wire cutters he found hidden in a bush and kept ever since he found it. With force, he cut the wired fence glancing at you, with hope. He takes the cutters with him and crawls through the small gap offering his hand to help you through. What you saw was almost indescribable.

You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, you felt ever so free. You had never felt so happy. Minho holds your hand, “we have to run, run through this field to get to the water, where the boats are!” His voice shaking. And so you did what he said. You ran through the luscious fields covered with various species of flowers; whilst running Minho picks one up for you, a daisy. He smiles at you and you smile back. Everything was so perfect. No one was on this land but you and him, something you always dreamed of. You both let out giggles of happiness and relief, Minho picked you up halfway and kissed you and you kissed his pink lips back, the corner of his lips curling into a smile that was uncontrollable. “we’re finally free,” He gazes softly into your eyes. Minho Spun you around giggles filling the silence of the land, your arms draping around his shoulder and holding him close. You were finally with the love of your life, your soulmate. The sun began to rise and everything felt surreal! Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much, you could feel how much Minho was longing for this moment since his hugs were so tight. He didn’t want you to go. He kissed you once more before tucking a piece of hair behind your ear –

[ Play → Fake love ]

But that’s all you remember before everything turned cold the shriek of pain fading away into an abyss of darkness. One. Two. Three. You felt his hands on your cheeks, his tears like raindrops on a stormy night, the pain filling his eyes. You felt his tears drip onto your cheeks and his embrace before you inhaled one last time and with all your might, you clenched onto the first daisy he has ever given you before there was no strength left. No light, no warmth.

Just eternal darkness.

[ Play → clair de lune ]

[jyunshiim]

A Recipe For Love

Pairing: Roommate!Beomgyu x f!reader

Genre: romance, fluff

Contains: Mild cussing, domestic fluff, beomgyu being adorable and mischievous, my heart being torn by the gif above. reciprocated!love

I recommend listening to blueberry eyes by Max (ft. Suga) or TXT’s Blue Orangeade.

Summary: You and your roommate have a weekly tradition where you bake something together. This week after all your complex baking adventures so far, you both decide to take it easy and bake a simple batch of chocolate chip cookies. Easy right? Well what if the recipe was more complicated than just what was on the page but rather your feelings for Beomgyu were added to the mix?

——————————••••••••••••••————————

Your hand grips the wooden spoon as you struggle to churn through the tan coloured, sticky batter with a sprinkle of chocolate chips. You let out a grunt and curse at the lack of strength you have today. You spent all night yesterday trying to submit a paper that was due this morning but you stupidly left it to last minute and now you felt like a zombie. Quite misfortunate really.

Luckily you weren’t alone in your misery as your roommate who coincidentally was in your class too also didn’t do his paper which was due in. So you two managed to help each other at the crack of midnight and dawn whilst attempting to stay sane.

Speaking of your beloved roommate; you peer to your left where you see him reading the recipe on his phone. His brows furrow into an endearing look of concentration and he bites down onto his rosy bottom lip. A habit you noticed that he did often when he was either confused, competitive or focused.

You’ve been roommates for over a year now. You didn’t think you’d get along with Beomgyu honestly when you first moved in but after only an hour of speaking to him on the first day you two just clicked perfectly together. His sense of humour matched yours and your sarcasms merged into the perfect concoction of conversation.

The background drone of music fills your ears; you can’t help but bob your head lightly whilst churning away at the batter. Your eyes peer back at the brown fluffy haired boy. Your heart drums against your chest and a whole hoard of butterflies swirl around your stomach.

You let out a small sigh. You were in absolute head over heels love with Beomgyu and he didn’t know it. You didn’t know whether he even saw you like that. Maybe he just saw you as merely tolerable, or even cool roommate and that’s it. A friend. That’s it. Your heart aches even thinking of such a possibility.

You don’t know how it happened actually. You didn’t think you’d fall for him yet here you are. The way his giggles would tumble into a fits of cackles and the way his body would tumble into yours and he’d lock his arms around your whilst almost crashing into you. His laughter was always so contagious and not only that but so endearing.

The more time you’d spent with Beomgyu through this year; the more you fell for him, the harder you fell. You fell in love with all his little quirks, his intricacies, habits and interests and views. Not to mention his visual was quite pleasant. He had a boyish look to him; the curly almost wavy brown hair that settled across his forehead made him look adorable in contrast to his sharp prince like features. His looks contrasted his mischievous and cheeky personality filled with sarcastic and witty comebacks and unbelievably cheesy jokes.

He always loved wearing oversized hoodies and jumpers you noticed and you adored how tiny he’d look in them. Yet you knew that yes despite appearances being deceiving, he also went to the gym to work out almost everyday.

Your heart races thinking about him. You think about how playful your conversations have always been and yet whenever you’d felt down he was always ready to hear you out and cheer you up in whatever way. He either made you laugh my making himself look stupid or he’d give you his own experiences. He was mature yet childish in some odd way. You loved it. He was a match to you in every way possible.

He made your dull monotonous life at university that much more colourful and exciting. You always looked forward to coming back to your flat to meet him either knocked out sleeping on the couch or head in his books. Or both (and by that you mean sleeping on top of his books.) He looked adorable sleeping too; but you didn’t really want to let him know that. Every time he did fall asleep though; you always sighed with a smile and brought him a blanket without his knowledge. He always, always thanked you when he woke up.

He had your heart. You were whipped for Choi Beomgyu in every manner. You were never very good with feelings of romance and confronting them. You were very cautious with how to approach things and well you’ve kept this under wraps for over three months now. Your breaking point was reaching and you didn’t know how much longer you could keep your feelings for him pent up.

Every damn time you two would bake together or hang out together; you felt like imploding and just melting into a puddle. What? It’s not your fault that you found everything he did adorable and heart-stopping. Everything from his hands peeking out from his oversized hoodies forming sweater paws to him attempting to get flour out of his fluffy locks of hair or even his charmingly mischievous smile he’d give you before he’d do something rather entertaining.

For fuck’s sake. You were beyond gone at this point. You hum and remove the wooden spoon and scrape off the excess batter back into the bowl. You murmur with a smile, “Beom, finished. I think we can set these out on the tray. You’ve lined the tray right? Baking sheets?”

Beomgyu nods placing his phone down. Your heart almost rips apart seeing the cartoon bears on his phone case. He really did remind you of a cuddly bear . You wanted to cuddle him and keep him close as you nestled up with him and talk about your days together. Or sit in a comfortable silence just admiring each other. That phone case was his birthday gift you gave him a month ago. It made you want to smile stupidly; he had immediately removed his old case and replaced it with yours and kept it on since his birthday. It made you so happy as he let out the biggest smile when he opened his gift. It wasn’t much but you were glad he liked it.

Beomgyu points to the sheet and he lets out a giggle waving his hand frantically in front of your face which breaks you out of your reverie. You stammer slightly dazed, “O-Oh-hey sorry I was daydreaming.” He chuckles, “I could tell, you were far away too.”

You pout, “Okay, okay,” you peer at the lined oven tray, “Okay that looks good. Lets place dabs of batter and see how the first batch turns out and we’ll see from there yeah?”

He nods with a wide smile and chuckles, “We really did stick and re-check the recipe over five times so I’m pretty sure they’ll turn out good. Ha-! Do you remember that time when we made this cake and it looks so, so good on the outside and we took it out and it just collapsed because it was so gooey on the inside c-centre I-I- can’t b-breathe-!”

And...he’s gone. Beomgyu folds over heaving in laughter and so are you as your eyes water in memory at that horrific baking disaster. You both didn’t really consider yourselves baking masters neither terrible bakers either but that time was a new low. A funny memory though.

Beomgyu catches his breath and wipes his tears of laughter away as he helps you scoop some batter onto the trays and you realise how close he stands to you. You pray he can’t hear how loud your heart is beating or how shaky your breath is. You can feel his body heat flood through his clothes onto the side of your arm. You feel all fluttery inside and you feel nervous at his near presence.

Your eyes widen as you catch him staring at your face and his eyes widen in response as he suddenly peer back at the tray. Your heart felt like it was going to slip out your throat. You can’t help but smile almost teasingly as you see his cheeks slightly redden. Was it the direct eye contact? Was he just as flustered as you? Maybe you weren’t alone or were you being delusional and just grasping onto the last bits of sanity you had.

You murmur, “You ready for the exam next week?”

He snorts to your endearment and his shoulder shake as he snickers and mumbles, “You think?”

You laugh, “I don’t know shit but I guess we gonna cram together, yeah?” Beomgyu meet yours eyes and smiles almost too genuinely, “Yeah, as always.”

You mumble fiddling with a stray strand of your hair, “I’m sure you’ll do well though. You’re naturally really smart, Beom.” His cheeks redden again and you snicker, “Accept the compliment.”

He scoffs his lips forming a pout, “I am it’s just you always keep calling me Beom.” You tease, “What you don’t like it? I think it’s cute. I’ll stop if you really don’t like it though.” His eyes widen and he always drops the spoon onto the floor with how quickly spins around and answers (almost yelling), “No!”

Your taken aback by the quick response and you chuckle with your hands up by your head in defence, “Damn, okay.” He mumbles peering away, “I like the nickname. I like it when you call me that.”

You scoff, “It’s probably not very special though, I’m sure you let your other friends call you that-“

He interrupts your voice as he hums, “Actually, no. You’re the only one who calls me that.” You suddenly forget to speak at your jaw drops slightly agape. You mumble awkwardly, “O-Oh that’s n-nice.” He clears his throat finishing up the last dollops of batter, “Yeah.”

You both reach an awkward silence; filled with some sort of tension. Not a negative tension per se, but you felt like it was building up to something and you didn’t like where this was going. You put the oven mitts on and place the tray in the oven and shut it.

You stand up and peer back at Beomgyu staring back at you with a small smile. You snort as you spot a dash of flour on his upper cheek. He raises his brows in confusion, “Hm?” You snicker, “Messy boy. You’ve got flour on your face. Upper cheek.”

He tries to wipe it off failing to do so and you decide to take the risk and outstretch your hand and use your thumb to wipe off the flour off his cheek. You both freeze as you make eye contact. His cheeks become cherries and you feel your heart explode at your proximity. There’s a moment of silence between you two.

He suddenly reaches into another bowl and you flinch at the sudden movement and squeal as he throws flour at your shirt and you hiss grabbing an empty bowl and attempting to protect yourself from the onslaught. You let out a cackle as you grab some of the remainder of the flour off the counter top and throw it at him. He yelps dodging and running around the messy kitchen. You both cackle and laugh trying to catch each other.

You scream as he wraps his arms around your body and you crash into his chest. He squeezes you tightly against him as he laughs loudly and you almost cry with laughter; you almost forget this is the closest you’ve ever been to him. Apart from the occasional hugs you’ve given him of course. You’re both covered and dusted in flour.

You both pause in this position and heave for breath. You peer and twist in his grip and his piercing marron eyes meet yours. You feel your world come to a halt and your breath become irregular. You murmur; your feelings were almost about to tip; flood over the brim. You were about to open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it as his voice comes out as shaky almost just above a whisper. “Y/n...”

You hum in response; realising how he wasn’t letting go of you. What was happening? He mumbles, “You’re so beautiful.” Your cheeks feel warm at the sudden words and you stammer, “I-uh-I-t-thanks.” You mentally want to face palm at how you responded but your mind and heart were a frenzy right now. Was this some fiendish dream? Just another scenario?

He lets out a breathless laugh at your stutter and murmurs, “I wanna tell you something if that’s okay.” You nod almost too fervently. “Okay...” He inhales deeply.

“I like you.”

The words are short but sweet. You didn’t expect much more from him; it’s exactly what you imagined from him actually. It meant all the more to you that way. His eyes glimmer at you before he continues after his mini pause, “I like you a lot. So much. I’ve liked you for awhile but I didn’t know what to do for such a long time and well-“

You interrupt him as you smile stupidly wide realising he’s been going through the exact thing as you. You fortunately weren’t alone. “Me too Beom. Me too.”

His eyes widen as he process what you just said. “Y-You too?”

You nod suddenly feeling brave enough to take on his hands into yours and mumble, “I’ve liked you for awhile too. You’re so sweet and cute. You’re always there for me and ready to cheer me up. You’re keeping me going through our degree honestly. You mean the world to me.”

Beomgyu lets out a frazzled laugh making you laugh at him becoming flustered from your words. He stammers, “I-...I’m so happy-god-holy shit-I’m so happy. I really didn’t expect this.”

You smile widely almost jittery in excitement. “Me either, I thought I’d have to say it first but I’m glad we could do this. Especially here. With the lovely sweet smell of cookies.”

Beomgyu murmurs, “Rather romantic dont you think? Like a date?” You raise a brow, “Well you haven’t asked me out yet or I haven’t asked you out yet so...”

He takes the hint just like you wanted and his lips form a playful smirk, “Well, do you? Do you want to go on a date then?” You hum, “What? To play laser tag?”

He hums, “That sounds pretty fun don’t you think. How did you know?” You roll your eyes snickering, “You go almost every month.” Beomgyu huffs, “Yeah and it’s worth it. Don’t you wanna come with me this time? Just me and you.”

Your heart flutters as he says that. You coyly smile wanting to tease him further, “I’ll think about it.”

He lets out a whine and he tugs at your sleave making you almost melt into a puddle. You huff, “Fine, fine I was joking. Of course! I’d love to play laser tag.”

Beomgyu murmurs with a cheeky smile and drawls out, “I’ve always wanted take my future girlfriend there..” Your eyes widen and your cheeks are set ablaze. He hums continuing, “So I guess you fit the bill.”

You scoff, “Look at you attempting to be smooth.”

He yelps looking offended, “Attempting? Attempting!?”

You cackle, “What?” He suddenly nears his face next to your catching you way off guard and you almost squeak in sheer shock. He intensely stares into your eyes and hums, “Don’t mess with me, I’ll mess with you back.”

You try to maintain your composure and smirk back, “Guess nothing’s new then.”

Beomgyu smirk morphs into an endearing smile and his eyes sparkle in excitement, “Yeah. Good. I love our dynamic. You’re perfect the way you are.”

You huff playfully push him, “Cliche shit huh?” He rolls his eyes, “Not cliche if it’s true.”

“Look at you go, only one minute since you’ve asked me out and giving out all the smoothtalk.” You tease and he crosses his arms and rolls up his sleeves once more put his oven mitts on to check up on cookies, “You like it though.”

The sweet and delicious aroma of the cookies baking fills the air even more pungently as he opens the oven door and you both gasp as you both see the cookies taking shape and baking quite well. They were beginning to look good. It had seemed like your recipe had worked out for good.

He hums, “Almost sweet as our lo-“

You scoff, “If you say love, I will knock you out with the spare baking tray.”

He pouts, “You’d really treat me like that. That’s so mean.” You huff as his glimmering eyes melt your eyes and you soften, “God damn it, you’re so cute for fucks sake. I hate you.”

Beomgyu lets out a loud laugh as he closes the oven and takes off his mitts, “I thought you’d love me?”

You mumble, “I guess I do. Okay.” He cheeses widely at the answer and cooes, “Good.”

He smells the air and confidently says, “I think this is our best baking product as of yet.” You smugly smile, “I think our chemistry and baking escapades really paid off.”

Beomgyu hums standing beside you. Both your arms touching and you both smiling too stupidly for your own good. Almost like two teenagers in love; gushing over each other.

You felt happy and complete and you were so grateful your feelings were reciprocated.

He hums, “Your recipe worked out.”

You hums, “You bet it did. Those cookies are gonna taste so good I can tell.”

He smiles at you and nods cutely at your words before playfully plopping his head onto your shoulder. You two stand in a comfortable silence staring at the orange glow of the oven both sprinkled with flour and messy aprons.

It was perfect; the aura. Everything about it was just perfectly in proportion and made it work. You were perfect for each other.

A perfect recipe for love. The sweetest of treats you could have ever thought to have received.

[jyunshiim]

Fallen Wings

Pairing: Angel!Seungmin x f!reader

Genre: Angst, romance

Contains: brief cussing, forbidden love, mentions of suicide, mentions blood/violence, rejection.

Summary; Everyone receives a guardian angel when they’re a child. So do you as per every child. You are protected and nurtured by your angel for the rest of your life. What happens when you fall for your guardian angel, Seungmin?

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It was a marvellous spring day; the sun shyly peeked through the fluffy clouds. A young girl plays by herself in her garden enamoured by the various toys sprawled across the grass.

Her eyes are glued to the random ant traversing through blades of grass not knowing whether to feel grossed out by how many legs it had or amazed at how tiny it was. She herself not being quite the tallest of the bunch, after all, she was only five years of age.

She lets out a giggle as the ant ends up slipping off the leaf onto the soil below. She sighs picking up her notepad filled with various attempts at writing a semblance of words and sentences but it’s just random scribbles with crayon. Away she goes again scribbling passionately into the notepad with a red crayon.

It was time, almost time. Her guardian angel was about to appear any moment. After all, her fifth birthday was yesterday and her guardian angel was supposed to appear yesterday. So where was it? Her mum was consoling her just that morning that she’d get her guardian angel soon enough.

In this world, not only humans existed but angels and so did demons. The worlds oddly seemed to work harmoniously with each other. At five years of age, every human child would receive a guardian angel that would grow up with them to adulthood. This was done to make sure the demons didn’t get any idea to rebel against the current peace. Some demons even are assigned to humans as well, either from pure will from the human or just an odd mistake here and there.

The young girl continues scribbling away and she suddenly tenses up as a warm feeling arises in her chest. She suddenly has the urge to look up towards the sky and so does. She squints as the sun rays down upon and then she lets out an excited yell as she sees a small dot in the sky. The dot seems to be growing in size, in fact it wasn’t a dot. The dot wasn’t just moving, it was rather...falling and well, the dot was actually seeming to be a person.

A person with wings! An angel!

She claps her hands in pure excitement and hurriedly gets up. The angel was a boy around her age, maybe a year older. Small white feathery wings and dressed in a sparkly white shirt and trousers; he had chestnut brown hair. He was falling alarmingly fast towards the ground and he was trying his darn hardest to flap his wings. He whines, “Huh!?” He tries to flap his wings but they weren’t cooperating.

When his mum up in the cloud threw him this is not what he thought his sixth birthday would he like. Of course he knew he’d apparently have a human to look after from this point forwards, but still? Getting flung from heaven and NOT taught how to fly with his wings, was just comically cruel. As he was approaching the ground; he feels his wings loosening up and he gasps happily as he begins to gain control of his wings. He flaps them with a wide smile and he steadies himself barely.

He reaches the ground a bit harsher than intended and ends up tumbling forwards. He hears a gentle giggle which morphs into an atrocious cackle. The young angel boy twists himself around; his bottom lip trembles, “Why are you laughing!?”

His eyes widen seeing a young girl and his heart rate increases and he feels a bond forming instantly. This was the girl he was assigned to. He gets up slightly wobbly. The girl continues giggling away and snickers pointing a finger at him, “You-You looked so f-funny falling in the sky! You landed and now got your clothes muddy-haha!-“

The young boy pouts and crosses his small arms and huffs, “Wings aren’t easy you k-know! Ha! Ha! You don’t have wings! You’re a human! So Ha.” He smugly retorts.

The girl stops laughing and his eyes widen as her bottom lip trembles and her eyes water and she starts bawling her eyes out making him flinch and immediately panic. She wails, “You-You-! You’re so mean-you’re a meanie-“

He yelps, “No! No I’m NOT! Angels are not meanies! I was just saying the truth-! hey stop crying!” She sniffles, “Yes you are! I want wings! I want wings right now! Give me your wings!” The boy scoffs, “No, they’re mine!” She wails, “My mum said to share, so share them-“

The boys wails as she suddenly pounces on him and attempts to pull at his wings clearly attached to his back. He yelps, “Stop that-! I’m your angel!-You can’t hurt your angel-!”

Her eyes widen and her mouth forms an ‘O’, “My Angel! Your m-my guardian angel! NO!” She whines. He huffs, “Why!?”

She sticks out her tongue, “I got a meanie for an angel and that means I can’t get a new one forever! So I’m stuck with you.” The boy sticks his tongue out back, “Hmph, the same goes for me. I’m stuck with you.”

There’s a brief moment of silent and she suddenly breaks the silence, “Whats your name?” He hums, “Seungmin.” She snorts, “That’s boring name.” He huffs, “Whats yours then?”

“Y/n.” She responds. Seungmin laughs, “Yours is way more boring than mine.”

She huffs, “My angel is supposed to be nice.” Seungmin huffs with a smug smile, “Only if you’re nice to me first. I’ll protect you and guide you for the rest of your days. I’m super cool, you just don’t see it.”

She huffs, “Okay, can you pick me up, and fly?”

Seungmin scoffs, “No-!”

The young girl grabs his small hand into her own and pouts with wide eyes, “Pretty please, please please!”

Seungmin pouts grumpily and scoops his arms under hers and attempts to use his wings. I mean...it was working...slightly, she was flying and by that a few inches off the ground with the tips of her shoes trailing the dirt. Perhaps young Seungmin didn’t quite have the strength yet.

Either way young y/n was having the time of her life pretending she was flying. She was super happy. She’d finally gotten her guardian angel that she was super excited for, and even though he was a boring meanie, at least she’d never be bored annoying him. After he was hers and she was his.

That was the first time Seungmin and you met. The first time you’d met your guardian angel on that fateful day after your fifth birthday just seeing a little boy with wings falling out of the sky. What an entrance right?

Ever since that day, it’s been wonderful, you’ve both had such a mixture of both painful and funny and sincere memories. He’d always been with you through your highs and lows. He never failed in comforting you, making you feel like you’re the only person in his eyes, his words of advice, comfort and his compliment would be so utterly genuine and so sincere, that sometimes they’d leave you speechless.

Not to mention the little sprinkles of teasing here and there. You both grew up together and faced battles as one. He saw you get your best moments and also saw you through your rough patches, your heart breaks and rejections. No matter what, you knew that he’d always be by your side.

Seungmin was your guardian angel and nothing in the entire universe could make you happier than knowing that or nothing could ever change it.

You peer over at him and your eyes are enamoured by his unbelievably stunning wings. The way the pearlescent feathers ever so slightly sparkled under the rays of the sunlight drifting through your bedroom curtains; it was almost like looking a diamond from afar.

You can’t help but outstretch your hand timidly and let your fingers brush against the feathers of his angelic wings; starting from the outskirts and moving onwards towards his back. It felt silky smooth under your fingertips; felt as if you were touching the softest of soft velvet, the most comfortable pillow or even wading through what clouds looked like ( if that’s even made any sense?)

His wings flinch and ruffle a bit under your touch and he peers over his shoulder with a soft smile and raises brow, “Touching my wings again? You like them that much?” Your cheeks warm at the way he was looking at you, almost teasingly. You shrug continuing to let your hands run across his wings, “They’re so pretty and so big too, I remember how measly they looked when you first fell.”

Seungmin lets out a huff and he tucks both his wings to lay against his back compactly. You whine, “Seungmin...” He twists himself around from reading his book with poured lips, “Insult my baby wings one more time I dare you.”

You let out a giggle. He looked to impossibly soft and you could tell he was joking with the way his rosy and plump lips were twitching to hold back a smile. You mumble teasingly, “Okay, okay, fine. I guess your first wings were pretty cool and fun; you got the hang of flying quickly anyway.” He smugly smiles, “Yeah I did, I even let you fly a bit in my arms.”

Your heart beat seems to heighten thinking about all your memories. You seem to recall maybe when you were around seventeen or eighteen, your pet cat had gotten stuck up the tree in your garden. You let out a laugh reminiscing how you loved your cat so much that even at the age you were, you couldn’t help but cry your eyes out for the sheer fear of your cat’s safety.

You also remember how Seungmin looked at you with such concern, worry and sentiment. So much so he wrapped his arms around you and brought your head against his chest; he was nineteen at the time you think. You remembered how he ever so tenderly whispered into your ear, “He’ll be okay, I’ll go get him for you. Nothing will happen, haha, look at you crying over this. I’ll save him.” You still could feel the way his thumb brushed away your stray tears off your cheek.

“What are you cheesing wide at?” Your small reverie is broken by Seungmin looking quizzically at you. Your eyes widen and your cheeks warm in slight embarrassment. You let out a light laugh and wave him off, “Just thinking.” He leans closer putting weight onto his right arm and hums, “About?”

You roll your eyes playfully pushing him away, “Secret.” Your heart beat was frankly a mess with how close he’d gotten a second ago. You peer back at him and you almost let out a gasp as you see him looking back at you with such an intensity. Your eyes scan his face; he’d matured for sure. He was handsome, so charming.

The way his soft brown tufts of hair were flown aside and small strands drifted on his forehead. His strong jaw and gentle eyes; petal-like lips that would form the most genuine of smiles. Not only have his looks changed but also his personality. He used to be more stubborn as a child and more easily irritable but then again, so were you. Both of you grew up together, both childhood best friends.

He was now more relaxed, mature, and he didn’t tease you as much as before. Seungmin was so utterly sweet and endearing. College was draining but he’d be your battery every time. He’d also taken a course in your college, angels of course weren’t required to, but he did it because he said he didn’t want you to struggle alone but also because he was interested in learning.

You almost felt breathless. What was happening? Seungmin was still looking at you in this warming silence. His gaze held such affection, curiosity and maybe a hint of pain? When were one of you gonna break this staring contest? Did you even..want to break it?

Seungmin finally clears his throat and peers away with a small blush appearing on his cheeks. He clasps his hands together and murmurs, “So, have you eaten today? I know you didn’t have any lectures today. You better have.”

You let out a flustered giggle and mumble, “I have Seungmin, I have. Don’t worry. Have you?” He smiles still seeming to not look your way and responds, “Yeah don’t worry.”

Your chest felt oddly warm. You and Seungmin have been having a lot of moments such as this for awhile now. Nowadays they seem to be happening more and more now.

In a little dark crevice in the back of your mind, you think to yourself that you might be falling for him. Falling for your guardian angel. Falling for Seungmin.

The man who has been with your through thick and thin, high and low. The man who had grown up with you and the man you saw who grew up to be who he is today. Someone who you admired, cherished dearly. Someone who you went to when there were days your family let you down, when your friends let you down or your partners or crushes did.

Seungmin never let you down. He’d always fly with you in his arms carrying you out of your dark hole of misery or whatever slump you faced. He’d never leave your side and make sure you learnt things correctly even if it meant facing pain.

There were times you questioned why you got hurt by people so frequently or crushed by the weight of education or moments where you wanted to lose the fight to continue living, and be free of the pressures of this world, however, he’d always be there to support you, tell you that you’re not alone, that he’s with you.

You couldn’t forget how you screamed at him, sometimes even threw tantrums blaming him for not preventing you getting hurt; but you always knew it was his way of teaching you. The way he’d try his best to protect you but also nurture you, and let you find things out for yourself. You appreciated how he took your yells that slowly turned into weeps into moments of learning and improvement.

That was Seungmin. The perfect guardian angel. Your angel, your perfect angel.

The angel you hadn’t realised you fell for until now. Years of being with him everyday and just seeing him as a best friend whilst you got your heart broken by these other nobodies. He was right there. You realise you had fallen so incredibly hard for him.

You’d be unintentionally feeling this way for awhile now. You’ve been feeling it so strongly. You felt as though he was the one for you. Did he feel the same way? The longing gazes and the endearing smiles he gave you and the occasional teases gave you so much hope.

Seungmin murmurs, “You’ve been staring at me for awhile. Did I do something?” Damn it. His smile was heart fluttering. You stammer with a pout, “Yeah. You have.”

Seungmin’s brows furrow immediately in concern and asks, “What have I done?” You place a tender hand on his arm and smile sweetly at him, “Nothing bad. I promise. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”

His eyes glimmer at you and his frown morphs into a smile again and he chuckles as his hand reaches up to ruffle the top of your head; a habit he’d developed since last year. A habit which you loved so dearly. “Alright then, I’ll trust you. God, you can be a handful, can’t you?”

You grin mischievously, “You love it, really.” His features soften and his honey-toned voice answers, “I do. I really do.”

He says it with such conviction in his voice; it really does make you think. Would he like you back? Was it even allowed? You had heard stories of people falling in love with their guardian angels but you never really knew how they turned out. You honestly thought it was strange but now you could only laugh at your current position.

Seungmin mumbles softly, “You gonna study? If so, I’ll leave you to it. You always get distracted by me if I’m next to you. You barely open your notebook up.” He stands up brushing off his baby blue sweater and gives you a charming smirk, “Get some actual revision done okay. Otherwise I’ll get a higher mark like the last two times.”

You stick your tongue out at him and he lets out a laugh, “Childish much?” You shrug, “You’re just a nerd.”

He cooes, “Jealousy is all I hear.” You grin widely. He goes to leave but by some weird instinct almost your hand grabs his making you and him both freeze.

You peer down at your hand holding his and you’re about to let go but you feel his fingers intertwine between yours and give you a reassuring squeeze. He quietly hums out, “I’ll stay if you want.”

You bravely murmur, “I want you to stay with me Seungmin.”

His cheeks are tinted a light pink and he sits back down on the side of the bed as his legs brush the side of your office chair. You smile and mumble, “Thank you.”

You both still hadn’t let go of your hands. Seungmin slides his hand out of yours and stammers, “N-Now, yeah- uh. Go study. You only have two days left for our test.” You whine, “Ugh, okay...”

You missed the feeling of his hand in yours.

Another week passes of balancing life and college. Seungmin as usual was your anchor and frankly, Seungmin may not openly admit it, you were his anchor. You were his daily dose of serotonin.

He couldn’t help but break out into a smile every time he saw your beautiful face, hear your uniquely adorable laugh. He loved the way you felt against him whenever you’d hug. He wouldn’t miss the way his heart would skip a beat seeing you each day. It never got tiring at all.

You were his everything. His sole purpose in this world. You meant everything and more to him. If anything happened to you, he-he couldn’t even bear to think it. When it came to physical protection; hands down he would die for you in a second. No hesitation. Emotionally he’d always try his best to support you. You were equally sweet always making sure to ask him he was okay too. You were so unbelievably special to him.

You made his emotions a frenzy. He was calm guy, and angel that wouldn’t be too swept up by emotions but when it came to you, he couldn’t control himself. His heart aches thinking about you.

He knew it was wrong. He knew he was falling hard for you. So, so hard for you. He loved you.

It was wrong; he was breaking one of the biggest rules as a guardian angel. He couldn’t traverse into such territory. He knew horror stories of falling in love with a human; especially the one you were assigned to. It never ended well.

But...he couldn’t control the way he felt.

In all honesty he was in love with you for years. Maybe around when he turned twenty? It’s been ages. You two had been with each other for so long and know everything about each other. God, you meant so much to him and he knew you meant a lot to him too.

Did you love him as much as he did you?

It was incredibly wrong. Breaking the rule that he had constantly kept in the back of his mind. He never thought he’d fall for you. He never thought he’d see you that way. Then why? Why were you the most beautiful and adorable human he’s ever met? Why did you light up his world like so?

The dreary world of angels he’d come from so full of rules and busy work and a lack of compassion only looking after the humans below the layer of clouds. Were angels not allowed to feel the emotions of love like human were? How was thay hardly fair?

Why weren’t angels allowed such free will? Aren’t they living beings with a conscience too? Why did they have to face such consequences for their emotions? Seungmin frowns to himself; even questioning where he came from made him feel beyond guilty. He did love being an guardian angel, especially YOUR guardian angel but felt trapped by its limitations.

If the elder angels up above heard about his feelings for his peculiar little human; he could only imagine what they had in store for him. However, it was getting harder and harder day by day to keep his feelings contained.

It wasn’t made any easier by the fact that you’d stare at him with such matched compassion. It really did seem like you maybe could like him back?

No..no. He should stop. He shouldn’t think this way. ‘Don’t get yourself into more trouble by acting upon it,’ he thinks to himself.

“Seungmin! Seungmin! Hey!” Your loud voice breaks him out of his chaotic thoughts. His heart stops almost seeing you running towards him with a black folder in your hand and another piece of paper in your other hand. You smile as wide as can be. The way your hair flowed in the breeze and your eyes sparkled. God, it felt as if the world had slowed down just for the two of you.

“Seungmin! My paper scored the highest in our class! The professor even used mine as an example! I’m so, so happy. My hard work paid off!” Seungmin grins, “Yes! Yes! That’s so good! You deserve it! I’m so happy for you y/n!” You place down your folder and paper on the bench beside him and you can’t help but wrap your arms around him.

Your eyes widen as you feel him tense up and you hear how fast his heart is beating. Did you catch him off guard? You can’t help but smile at his reaction and hug him tighter and lurch you’re head up to speak, “Seungmin?” You finally feel his arms wrap around your torso sturdily and you are flush against him as his cheeks become tinted. He murmurs, “Warn me next time.”

You pout, “I just I’m so happy. I thought my professor genuinely hated me. She kept not giving me the mark wanted.” He chuckles, “I know, I told you it’d work out.” You nod. You really didn’t want to let go of him. His body heat was sleeping through to you. It felt perfect being in his arms.

You smile as you spot how his feathery wings had unfolded almost cocooning you both in your hug. You snort, “Are you embarrassed?” Seungmin mumbles, “Maybe. When you hugged me like that everyone looked at us and my wings just did that.”

His wings tuck back in and you smile. For fuck’s sake, you were so deeply in love at this point. You found everything about him that you loved before even more endearing.

You’re feelings were brimming. You couldn’t contain them anymore; it’d become unhealthy. Seungmin himself had always advised you to let out your emotions no matter the consequences you fear you’d face and that advice had never failed you. You were gonna risk it all.

You were planning to tell him this Saturday. You were gonna get it done and out of the way no matter how it turned out. Well...that how you planned at least. You definitely knew you’d cry your eyes out in your room for the next month if it went wrong but...still?

It’s worth a try right?

The days leading up to it were torturous for you. Days filled with falling harder for him and nights filled with anxiety and doubts. You and Seungmin had your fair share of moments again and heartfelt occurrences.

The day finally arrives. Your body was buzzing almost in anticipation. You asked him to meet you on top of the university building. The rooftop. On a quieter end of it away from the other couples that would usually settle there.

The sky was a beautiful mirage of different shades of pink and orange as the sun was beginning to sink into the horizon. Your eyes widen seeing the many birds but also winged angels flying around to see their own humans. A regular occurrence of course.

Your heart threatens to pound out of your chest. You let out a gasp as you spot him. You spot Seungmin sweeping down from the painted sky. The way his brown locks of hair waft from the breeze and flapping of his wings. His cloths ruffle and puff as he gracefully lands on his feet right in front of you.

You always loved watching Seungmin fly in front of you. He honed his flying ability so beautifully, so elegantly too; a stark contrast to the way you first saw him clumsily plummeting out of the clouds.

You smile nervously. Your hands were clammy and you shakily breathe. You could see him look back at you with an equally nervous expression. He hums, “This is an odd place to meet up? Y-You said you wanted to talk.”

You nod, “Yeah. It’s important. I wanted to do this somewhere you know open. I thought it’s quite beautiful up here.” Seungmin seems dazed as he murmurs, “Yeah.”

You inhale deeply and begin your rehearsed speech, “Seungmin, hear me out. This is a lot to take in, and just, this is really scary honestly.”

His brows furrow in concern and he nods listening to you intently. You continue crossing your arms, “I...You mean the world to me Seungmin. You’re my everything. I’m so grateful for you, unbelievably grateful for always being with me and giving me such great advice.”

He smiles gently. You feel yourself getting more emotional than intended and your eyes begin to sting but you hold back your tears. “You’ve grown into such a beautiful angel, such a kind-hearted and gentle man. I admire you so much, you’ve been through so much with me. Saw me at my lowest and every single time helped me up. I can’t even begin to express how much you mean to me.”

You see his eyes begin to gloss over and he speaks out, “You mean so much to me too y/n. The absolute world. I wouldn’t be here without you, both figuratively and literally. You are my everything and always know I’d do anything for you. I’m happy if you’re happy. I’m glad you feel that way.”

You smile and shakily sound out, “That’s not all, I’ve realised Seungmin. That...That, the emotions I feel for you are so much more. I’ve come to realise that you’re not just a mere guardian angel to me, a best friend...but someone who I love...I-I love dearly actually.”

His eyes widen and his body tenses up. His wings immediately flap up forming a beautiful arch. His jaw is slightly ajar, “Y-You what?” The feathers on his wings glitter stunningly against the sunset.

You stammer stepping forward, “I love you Seungmin. I’ve fallen so incredibly hard for you. You’re my everything. It would mean so much if you could a-accept my feelings for you. I-If not...” Your eyes water not even being able to finish the sentence.

You place your hands on your chest attempting not to hyperventilate on the spot. You’ve never felt so strongly for someone before. You couldn’t even get yourself to look at Seungmin’s face.

The silence in the air was deafening; so anxiety-inducing. What was his response gonna be?

Meanwhile Seungmin stares at you with his eyes brimming with tears. This was what he feared. He never expected you to fall for him or reciprocate his feelings. His feelings that he tried his absolute hardest to suppress. His worst yet best nightmare came true.

He didn’t know what to feel at this current point in time. He knew he had a bad feeling flying towards the rooftop. He didn’t know whether to feel overjoyed that you liked him back or whether devastated that he would have to reject you unless he wanted to face consequences from the elder angels.

“Fuck, fuck I knew this was a bad idea. I just fucked up years, decades worth of friendship. God, I’m s-so sorry Seungmin-forget I said anything-!” You stammer tears now freely flowing down your cheeks.

Seungmin’s watery eyes widen and he steps forward placing his hands atop your clutched ones. He murmurs softly; his voice cracking slightly, “I’m..I-I’m so honoured you feel that way... I...this relationship isn’t allowed...”

Your eyes peer your; your heart shattering. “N-Not...Not allowed?”

A single tear slips down his cheeks, “I-I can’t have a relationship with a human, especially the one I’m supposed to protect. The one I’m f-fated to. Not y-you.”

Tears cascade down your face and you let out a squeak almost in disbelief. Angels weren’t allowed to love who they wanted? Or maybe only angels?

“Is-Is it because I-I’m not an angel?” You choke out. His hands remain atop your clutched ones and he shakes his head, “Falling in love isn’t what we’re made for? That’s not our j-job....I...”

You yelp out your voice cracking horridly, “That’s cruel! You’ve been made into living beings with emotions but you’re l-limited to not being able to love romantically!”

He nods solemnly and one of his hands cups your cheeks rubbing away your tears as they trickle down and he softly murmurs, “I-I’m sorry...I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I-I didn’t think you saw me that way. I should of made you aware of this. M-Most people don’t fall in love with their guardian angel...”

You painfully hiss. Your heart was just mere shattered pieces. Your legs tremble and you were struggling to breathe. Seungmin feels his own heart shatter and he can’t help but pull your crying figure against him. He wraps his arms around you tightly but that makes you sob harder into his chest most definitely soiling his sweater. He cups your head as you weep. He whispers out painfully, “...I’m sorry...I’m so sorry...y/n...”

His mind was racing both with heartbreak and guilt. Why was life so cruel, so unjust? Why were angel the epitome of perfection, benevolence, love and compassion not able to practice those for themselves? It was frustrating-no, infuriatingly unfair.

You peel yourself away from him and wipe your tears with your sleeve and twist yourself around and mumble, “I-I...I’m sorry Seungmin. I-I’ve just burdened you...you don’t deserve the extra burden of my feelings like this..j-just forget it. I’ll be o-okay. I just need maybe an hour alone.”

Seungmin sees your shaking form and feels his world crumble. For sure the elder angels would of been alerted or even see this event happening. He’d been restricted for so long.

You murmur out, “Could you leave me be for just awhile? Y-You know you calm down, an hour. I’ll be fine afterwards. Please don’t worry yourself Seungmin.”

You begin to walk away arms pathetically wrapped around yourself. More tears slipping down your damp cheeks. Your steps feeling heavier than every before. Why did everything feel so much worse tonight? Did you ruin your relationship with Seungmin? Why did you fuck up so badly? Maybe you should of kept quiet. Why did you have to fall for HIM of all people.

You’re body tenses up as you hear a large flap of wings and sudden gust of wind making your hair fly haphazardly and your skin become decorated with goosebumps. You let out an ugly sob; that it. He must of fucking flown off. You’ve done it now. You really fucked up-

Your eyes widen as you suddenly feel another smaller breeze and your body almost lurches forward as you feel two arms wrap around your waist and warm breath on your neck. You feel his chest against your back. You were being hugged from your back. He was hugging you as if his life depended on it. He sounded like he was crying his eyes out. You fingers couldn’t help but intertwine with his.

You sob out, “S-Seungmin? W-What are you d-doing?”

Seungmin sniffles; hugging you even tighter, “I-I don’t want to break your heart...I love you so much...y/n...I can’t hold myself back anymore, I can’t see you this way and lie! I can’t lie about the way I feel. I’ve l-loved you for years, for so long, I tried so hard not to fall for you-I tried not to act on it but...I-I can’t anymore. It hurts too much, y/n.”

You sob out twisting yourself in his arms and cup his face. His eyes slightly reddened yet still looked perfect and you could only imagine how terrible you looked. You cry out, “Oh my god, Seungmin.”

Seungmin leans his forehead against yours and he sniffles out, “I...You’re my world, your my everything. You’re my life and purpose. You’re the love of my life. I...I can’t let you go...” You stammer, “W-What about the consequences-what-what if you get taken away from me-?”

You sob even harder; you were bound to get a large migraine at this rate but you didn’t care. The emotional turmoil would hurt more. Seungmin lets out a pained sigh, “I-I don’t care anymore, I don’t care about the consequences anymore. I hate how trapped I’ve always felt, how I’m unable to love like humans, to act on it like you humans can. I want things to c-change.”

His eyes meet yours with a passionate stare, “Starting with you. I want to change things with you. I want to love you. I want to cherish you m-more than ever. I...I can’t control how I feel.”

You cry out, “S-Seungmin...I...I love you.” He answers back for the first time, “I love you too y/n. I love you so much.” You both embrace each other tightly.

The sun was setting and you realise how close your lips were. You’ve always had moments were it seemed like you’d kiss but then one of you’d become flustered and break the moment. However, this was different, you couldn’t help but let your eyes flicker to his lips.

Your faces were leaning closer to each other and you could feel his breath mingling with yours. Your noses touch and you shakily murmur, “S-Seungmin..” Your eyes close and so do his as your lips finally touch. A soft, passionate kiss ensues between you two; it felt as if your body was set alight. It was perfect. The kiss was tender, so compassionate and loving.

You both separate still holding each other in a comfortable silence. You had cried yourself out and just wanted to enjoy the moment. You didn’t want to think of the possible consequences that’d come from this; so did Seungmin.

You both confessed your love for each other. A forbidden love, a love that lasted between two worlds.

———-

That night you both went home together and in hand; comfortable in each other’s presence. As usual, you both ate dinner and you smile; the energy feeling more tingly and ethereal than before. You smile as you settle yourself under your duvet. You are holding Seungmin’s hand dearly.

He murmurs softly with a gentle smile, “I won’t leave your side until you sleep. Knowing you, you’ll stress and stress until it’s 4am in the morning.” You peer down at his hand in yours and your voice cracks slightly as you say, “Don’t ever let me go Seungmin...please..”

Seungmin mumbles with glistening eyes and squeezes your hands, “Even if I have to give up my wings....I’d never let you go.”

Soon enough just with that reassurance and also feeling drained, you black out into the world of sleep.

Seungmin suddenly feels himself dizzy. The world around him brightens up and he realises what’s happening; the elder angels have summoned him. He murmurs out loud, “I’m coming! I’m coming-!”

He places a gentle and shaky kiss on the back of your hand. Before he leaves your room he had no choice. He couldn’t defy the elder angels and possibly make them even angrier than they already were.

He reaches the garden and peers up at the night sky with sparse stars. He inhales deeply and begins flapping his swan-like wings and shoots up in the air flying higher and higher and breaking through the night sky past the layer of clouds and getting greeted with the golden and white land of angels above. A place he hadn’t visited in so long.

He peers through the golden gates and walks through; other angels look at him almost feigning pity and sadness. It seems that everyone knew why he’d been called back up.

The walk of shame wasn’t going to deter him to regret as he finally faces the tee elder angels. All three with wings spans almost filling the room and as large as what humans called giants. Seungmin bows respectfully, “You summoned me, great elders.”

“Indeed we did, child.” One of them answers displeased.

Another retorts, “You have disappointed us Seungmin. We expected better of you. Especially from the line of angels you come from, we expected great things. You have kept your human in excellent condition and kept her happy. That should make you happy alone yes?”

Seungmin nods, “Yes elder.” Another shrieks, “Then why dear child must you commit such actions as this!? Why must you cross the line which has been drawn? You are merely a guardian angel and she a human! Have you not thought of the rules that have been in place for millennia?”

“Yes elder, I’m aware and I’m gravely sorry.” He responds. One of the elders sighs deeply, “Sorry isn’t going to cut it. Need I remind you of what is the punishment for this treachery. Namely one angel from a decade ago, who was it again? Chan? Something like that.”

Seungmin shudders. It was almost like a horror tale told from when he was a child. Chan was another angel; an archangel who took liking to one human. He was turned into a fallen angel and set to the pit of hell for wanting to fight back against the elders. Seungmin had always thought he’d done nothing wrong but of course he would never voice that aloud.

Seungmin stammers, “Elders, forgive me for speaking out of place but...I truly..I truly do love her. I do not understand why such a rule is in place? Do not all living beings deserve such a precious emotion such as love?” Another one of the elder screeches, “Child, how dare you question our commandments! Why is it not that simply just to follow such simple rules?”

Seungmin cries out his emotions getting the best of him, “It is simply not fair elders! Do you not wish to find someone to love! To cherish, how can you say such things when we have been created to love but cannot practice it for ourselves? What kind of torture is that? I refuse to live like that. I wish respectfully for change, elders. Please.”

He bows down as his head touches the golden floor. The room goes silent before one of the elders speaks, “It seems that you have been tainted child. This might be of the devil’s hand, we need to be more careful.”

Seungmin becomes enraged, “How can you call my feelings of love and compare it someone so loathsome!”

Another elder shrieks angered, “How dare you raise your voice child! You have become disobedient.”

“You must be punished for your disobedience.” The third elder says. Seungmin cries out, “Elders, please, please! Please why must things be this way!?”

The elders clasp their hands together and sigh deeply. Seungmin is suddenly filled with indescribable pain; he screams out in agony.

One of the elders hums, “Child, you are a special one we will not banish you to hell like the last. However, you still must remain as a lesson to other angels. We must prevent this happening again and again. You will be clipped of your wings.”

Seungmin’s world shatters. His wings were gonna be cut off. The wings he grew and worked so hard to look after and practice with. The wings you loved so much to touch. He screams in agony, “NO! PLEASE ELDERS HAVE MERCY!”

Tears stream heavily down his cheeks and his body was in mayhem. His back aches heavily as he suddenly feels a blinding pain. He almost loses consciousness at how painful it is. His eyes widen seeing a pool of blood forming below his buckled knees. He screams inexplicably as he feels his wings being separated from him.

“NO! NO!” He cries out.

“Child it does pain us to do this. It does. However it must be done.” One of them answers.

Seungmin collapses into his own pool of blood and he could barely see anything through his tears. His body trembles violently. He felt much lighter. He quivers reaching up to feel his back where his wings are. However there’s nothing.

His wings are indeed gone.

He lets out an agony filled cry. He was no longer an angel. Seungmin screams out, “No NO please why-!?”

Another elder speaks coldly, “It has been done. The pain will fade in minutes child. You will be escorted to earth. You will love your life as a human, understood? We have taken mercy on you.”

He snarls, “I’d rather have become fallen! Y-You heathen-!” Indeed the pain was fading physically at least. Mentally he was broken. His precious wings...

The elders are taken aback by his ferocity, “Forbid you talk like this again Seungmin! This is all for your good and in order to sustain balance.”

He cries out stumbling to get up thrown off balance. He was so used to his wings. He couldn’t have any more energy to yell at them. At least he could go back to his love.

The elder sneers, “Disappointing. You shall live life as a mere human and have their life span as well. You shall experience the pathetic emotions you always wanted.”

Seungmin grits out, “Let me leave now. I refuse to breathe in this repulsive world here.”

Just like that Seungmin is roughly escorted out of the clouds and dropped onto the pavement. He peers around seeing that he’s on a street nearby your house. It seems that it was morning. Maybe around 7/8am? Time had always passed whenever he visited the clouds above. His clothes seemed to be clean as well.

He was free. He was free at last. He’d been rebuked after all. He could finally be with you. A new found energy fills him; he sprints with his life towards your house.

He pants out finally reaching your door; he’d usually fly in or tap in through a window but of course he had to do it the human way. His eyes were teary and he was jittery. He knocks on the door and waits in hopes. He knew you were an early bird because of lectures.

After a few seconds, the door opens and yelps, “y/n?”

Your eyes widen seeing the male before you. He looked tired but had a wide but shaky smile on his face. Why did he seem familiar?

You murmur, “Can I help you?...”

You swear you almost saw the light in his eyes fuse. He lets out a laugh, “Hey y/n don’t j-joke with me. Look! I’m here. Do you notice anything?”

“How do you know my name?” You ask the handsome stranger. He was acting a bit weird. Why was he acting as if you knew him? You’d never seen him in your life. You’ve just woken up, maybe he was a student at your university or something.

The man’s shoulders slouch and he looks absolutely shattered, “Sir?” You call out genuinely confused.

The man lets out a pained and agony filled scream making you yelp out, “Hey! HEY! What’s wrong-sir-!”

The male cries out, “WHY DON’T YOU REMEMBER ME? Why did it have to turn out this way? Why did they have to erase you memory weren’t my wings enough-“

You timidly close the door, “S-Sir...I’m sorry I-I’m busy. H-Have a good day.” What on earth was that? Wings? What was he on about? You’d never gotten your angel, unfortunately. You could only dream.

Seungmin’s knees buckle and he sobs into his hands. The angels were indeed cruel. Crueller than any demon could be he almost thinks.

His quest for love was lost just like his wings. His fallen wings; his fallen love.

He lost his everything.

[jyunshiim]

The Case Of Betrayal In The Rain

[PART 2 TO THE CASE OF A LOVER’S BLUNDER; A TAEHYUN FIC]

Genre(s): Mystery, angst, thriller, adventure.

Features: Yeonjun x (ft. Reader and Taehyun)

Contains: mentions of gun crime, blood, death, family, platonic relationship.

Summary: Choi Yeonjun was in grave danger. He knew too much and now had no choice but to run before HE found out. His heart was broken to pieces; someone so close...how could they be so cruel? The taste of betrayal was far from sweet. That was for sure.

—————————-•••••••••••••••————————

[Evening 8:30pm]

The moonlight gleams through the slightly cracked open window. A mellow breeze flows in gently kissing Yeonjun’s skin. He always liked to sit beside the window and peer at the city and moon residing above on late work nights.

His heart is laid with burden. What may he be burdened with you may ask? He had everything he wanted and more. An exquisite income; after all he was the famous Detective Kang Taehyun’s partner and assistant. The duo were inseparable.

In fact they’d known each other since they were both around teenagers.

They saw each other blossom and grow into the fine young men they currently were. Yeonjun frowns to himself as he thinks about their childhood together; whilst filled with it’s beautiful and fun moments, they both had a hard time, there were dark moments too. Moments where he’d have to support Taehyun with all his might.

Yeonjun’s father had been killed in a supposed ‘hit and run accident’ when he was around 14. All the circumstances were odd, it just didn’t seem right with the way it happened; it all seemed so calculated. Taehyun was saddened at the time to hear the news of course and was there to support Yeonjun.

Taehyun’s childhood seemed to not be much better. His mother ‘passed’ when he was a mere child with no explanation as to why; except she attempted to run away and apparently was never seen again. Another mystery that surrounded Taehyun? Despite being childhood friends...why was it that Taehyun knew everything about Yeonjun’s childhood but why didn’t he know that much about Taehyun’s?

Taehyun was always the quiet one; he was reserved but charming in that regard. Yeonjun always loved to poke fun at that fact, and piss him off whenever. The dynamic was good; perfect in fact for many years. In all honesty though, good things don’t last forever. It was a brutal fact of reality. They were beginning to separate as much as Yeonjun didn’t want to.

He murmurs, “What am I doing wrong?”

Taehyun was barely around anymore he kept seemingly avoiding Yeonjun a lot. Especially as the two were growing up.

Taehyun always seemed to be with his father until his father seemed to be found shot in an alleyway around three years ago. It was unfortunate, but for Taehyun, he showed no response. At the time, Yeonjun just thought he wasn’t the type to show emotion, but even so...he moved on way too quickly for comfort.

There were just too many questions surrounding Taehyun. Yeonjun was an open book but Taehyun seemed to be a locked treasure chest. It also astounded him, his father and Taehyun’s father were good friends; that being Yeonjun’s father being a police officer and of course Taehyun’s father being a detective. It seemed to just...work.

The Kang Family was notorious for keeping their methodology and techniques under complete wraps to the public. No one knew how they had such a perfect success rate when it came to solving mysteries but also why...why were crime rates still so utterly high? Why would they deny certain cases? He noticed Taehyun not wanting to take certain cases even when Yeonjun suggested to work together as duo.

Another thing...working together was his idea; Yeonjun’s. Taehyun was awfully weary of the idea but agreed after some coaxing and of course it worked out beautifully. Cases were solved left, right and centre.

Yeonjun lets out a grunt getting up from his seat; his heart dropping at a thought. Why would Taehyun always know so determinedly how and which way the investigation was to go? Why would he always know that he’d succeed? Why were even the police department weary of the Kang Family?

Yeonjun hums, “Something’s not right.” Taehyun was currently on a trip of some sorts. That in itself was a weird thing; Taehyun had been going on lots of trips out of office (not to mention by himself) ever since his father passed. Why? He always avoided the question when he asked Taehyun. It would always be the same dull response:

“Ah, I have some matters to settle regarding some new upcoming cases.”

Why? Why couldn’t HE know about those so called cases?

He peers at the drawer at Taehyun’s desk. It was always locked and he made specific orders to never open it. Taehyun always said he kept key and important “evidence” or case files in there.

It was just all too suspicious. Why was there so much death surrounding both his family and the Kang’s family. They were fucking law enforcement for goodness sake! Taehyun had always been the silent and mysterious type but now it was just getting concerning?

Yeonjun frowns walking to Taehyun’s desk. On the desk lay a bunch of papers and an expensive pen resting on there along with a desktop computer and keyboard. He sighs peering at a small silver photo frame at the corner of the antique desk. A picture of little Taehyun and his father. Yeonjun couldn’t help but let out a small laugh; he still seemed to reserved back then. Not even a sliver of a smile apparent whereas his father had a large grin. What a contrast?

Yeonjun cared a lot about Taehyun. They’d known each other for so long after all. Day after day he’d always make excuses for why he didn’t know so much about him? The main one being he wasn’t that talkative. Or they were just drifting apart now that they weren’t teens. Or maybe was it true that work and friends don’t really mix?

His own detective heart was clenching and tingling. Something just didn’t seem right and the eery fear of danger seemed to be seeping in through every crevice of his body. He tousles his bright blonde locks and shakes his head of the thought. He had to have some faith in his best friend and partner right?

Right?

All of a sudden the door slams open and Yeonjun clutches just chest becoming startled at the aggressive opening of the door. He spots Taehyun dressed in his usual cloak and scarf covering the bottom half of his face like usual. He was absolutely dripping wet. Was he in the rain? Did he not go by car? Why was he soaked?

Yeonjun murmurs, “You okay?”

Taehyun’s teeth seem to chatter and he shivers slightly. Yeonjun frowns at the lack of a response but deems it being due to the coldness and the wetness of the drain. He hums, “I’ll make some hot chocolate yeah? You have any blankets upstairs?”

Taehyun peers up and nods; his eyes give Yeonjun an intense stare; his brown locks sticking to his forehead like glue. Droplets for glittering water run down his face and down his neck. Water drips onto the floorboards. What on earth happened?

Yeonjun clears his throat before taking a step towards the door of the office heading to the kitchen, “What happened? Why are you so wet from the rain? Didn’t you leave this afternoon by car?”

Taehyun murmurs quietly, “Yeah I did, but on the way back, it seemed that my tyres were slashed. I couldn’t take the car back since all four tyres were slashed.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widen in sheer panic. Taehyun’s car tyres were slashed? What maniac would do that? He stammers, “Did you call the police? You could of got your car towed back here?”

Taehyun’s gaze rips away from Yeonjun, “I tried but no one picked up, they said they’d charge me extra if I had to get it towed at this hour.”

Yeonjun’s brows furrow, “Dude you have the money-I don’t understand the problem-“

Taehyun snaps, “Are you just going to yap and bother me with your incessant questions or actually make some fucking tea, otherwise I’ll sit by the radiator if not. I’m not in mood to be annoyed by you Yeonjun.”

His sharp words cut through the tense atmosphere like a knife to a chopping board. Yeonjun’s heart aches. Why was he being like this? What happened to the old reserved but soft Taehyun? Taehyun noticed his papers moved around and the picture frame moved. Yeonjun tenses slightly.

Taehyun snaps his head back to him; his eyes glistening clearly more than just irritated. “Did you go through my desk?” His tone was heavy laced with anger and malice almost.

He’d never seen this side of Taehyun. Yeonjun’s brows furrow and he glares becoming annoyed with Taehyun’s tone, “Why are you so mad? What did I do?”

Taehyun darkly asks, “Answer my question.”

Yeonjun snaps, “I fucking didn’t okay. Why the fuck are you acting like such a bitch and taking out your anger on me? I’m not your shitty punching bag Taehyun.” He had enough of being pushed aside for so fucking long and being kept in the dark.

Taehyun scoffs bitterly, “I walk in and see you standing at my desk with my shit being shuffled around. What are you trying to dig up? Don’t trust me?”

Yeonjun is infuriated at this point with his attitude, “What the fuck? I should be asking you if YOU trust ME. You clearly don’t. I’ve been kept in the dark for so fucking long you, hear me? You never tell me anything about you, but whenever I ask, you switch it up. I’m not stupid Taehyun. You’re hiding something.”

The look in Taehyun’s eyes sends a shiver down Yeonjun’s spine. A gaze that could hold him captive right then and there. It was the essence of both ice and fire. A dangerously dark stare. His voice was dense almost carrying a heavy weight to it, “Yeonjun. Don’t be so stupid as to think such a thing? Why would you think I’m hiding something from you? You think I’m doing something morally skewed? You think I’m not being truthful?”

His eyes hold a glint to them, “Do you not trust your best friend Yeonjun? I thought you wouldn’t stoop to such a level. I thought that you wouldn’t be so low.”

Yeonjun’s heart shatters; months worth of suspicion flung right at his face. Was he just imagining everything?

Taehyun’s eyes suddenly glimmer and he frowns. “Yeonjun, it really upsets me that you think of me like that. I know I’m not the most expressive or most open person, but I thought you’d understand that. I thought you’d know it takes time for me to say things. I trust you so much Yeonjun, but why don’t you trust me?”

Yeonjun stands there feeling empty. He didn’t know how to reply. All he could hear was the sound of the harsh rain spitting against the window pane and droplets seeping through the crack and hitting the floor below.

Taehyun peers at Yeonjun’s blank face and gets up removing his dripping wet scarf and places it on the radiator nearby. Yeonjun’s eyes see him turn around quite abruptly but from his peripheral vision he could see a small cut on Taehyun’s jaw on the left side; previously hidden by the scarf.

His heart was already racing but that made it shoot up further. What happened so much so that he got a cut on his jaw?

Kang Taehyun...what are you involved in?

Yeonjun’s gaze darkens following Taehyun’s movement. He kept his back to Yeonjun. He suddenly speaks breaking the silence, “Do you mind making me that hot chocolate, now?”

Yeonjun murmurs, “Sure.”

He clenches his first irritated and walks to the kitchen and his gaze darkens. His brows furrow together. He’d had enough. He was going to find out what was happening. Whether Taehyun wanted it or not. Whether their friendship was on the line or not. He cares deeply about Taehyun and he wanted to know what sort of shit he was messed up in. What if a criminal is hurting him? What if the government were hurting him? Had he found out something he wasn’t meant to?

Either way. Yeonjun was going to get some answers and he didn’t care what the outcome was going to be.

[A week later]

Yeonjun has taken notes of Taehyun’s general schedule. I mean he’d always known his schedule and of course he’d accompany him with his tasks too.

It was difficult in all honesty. He had several investigations to get on with along with Taehyun as well as his own paperwork but ALSO this secret investigation behind Taehyun’s back.

No...that sounded bad. Really bad. Was he backstabbing Taehyun? It was for his own good right? Yes. He was sure of it. It was way too far into his investigation to take a turn back anyway.

He noticed that Taehyun went on his ‘trips’ around once a week either ranging from Monday to Friday. He’d always leave in the afternoons. Strangely enough after that incident last week, he actually replaced the entire car. Bought a new one entirely.

As for the cut on his jaw; he said it was an infected shaving cut. Now that was a fucking lie. Taehyun knew Yeonjun was just as clever as he was. Why would he even TRY to lie (a stupid one at that) to him?

After that day, Taehyun had been acting as if nothing had happened. His body flinches as the door clicks and he sees Taehyun walk in with a bored look on his face; he tosses the case file in Yeonjun’s direction aimlessly and Yeonjun catches it.

Taehyun murmurs seating himself at his own desk, “Another criminal found shot up. Seongsu-ru alley. A few lacerations and major bruising, but cause of death is definitely a fatal shot to the head.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widen, “Again? Fucking hell, this is the fourth time this year. It’s only been around three months into this year too.”

Taehyun nods, “Yeah...they’re getting killed like flies. Probably the mafia’s doing once again.”

Yeonjun frowns, “That’s concerning.”

Taehyun hums, “We’ll take a similar course of action. It’ll be another quick case and then we’ll consult the families yeah?”

Yeonjun sighs, “You mean I will.” Taehyun raises a brow, “Huh?” Yeonjun mutters, “You never support the families in person like you used to. Remember your dad did it too. Why can’t you? You did it when we started out? Why? You too famous now?”

Taehyun’s eyes narrow, “I suggest you don’t try to start an argument.”

Taehyun’s lips form a curt smile and his eyes twinkle, “Don’t think I know about the way you’ve been acting recently Yeonjun.” Yeonjun’s eyes widen and he tries to remain as composed as can be but his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest. “Huh?”

Taehyun’s eyes meet his in a cold gaze, “Snooping around, observing me. Avoiding the tasks I give you. Being late on your assignments.”

Fuck. Of course. Yeonjun couldn’t outsmart the famous detective. Of course not. Why was he getting sloppy? Were his emotions getting the best of him?

Yeonjun straightens up and glares, “Hurts me that you’d think that way once again. You’re acting awfully defensive for someone who has nothing to hide.”

Taehyun looks unfazed, “Oh, by all means, continue what you want to do, it won’t deem well, Yeonjun. For sure our friendship is now on the line. You wouldn’t want to become my rival now would you?”

Yeonjun lets out a bitter laugh, “As cocky as always?”

Taehyun hums crossing his arms and tilts his head, “We both know how this’ll end. It’ll end with me having to cut ties with you...”

Taehyun leans forward placing his elbows on his desk and resting his chin against the back of his hands, “Permanently.”

Yeonjun murmurs, “If it’s to save you then you can’t stop me. You’re not willing to open up to me, then I’ll save you from doing whatever you’re about to do. I care too much to see you get involved with something I don’t know about.”

Taehyun’s eyes flash for a second he seems to be speechless. He clears his throat before speaking, “So be it. For now, just focus on the current case Yeonjun and don’t get carried away...” His voice edges near hostility, “Otherwise I’ll unfortunately have to fire you.”

The conversation ends abruptly like that. Despite the ferocity of that conversation; instead of beating Yeonjun down, it actually spurred him to try even harder. He wasn’t going back down in this Cold War.

Another week passes; he was balancing the new case along with this case. His eyes scan the copy of the case file. He murmurs as he reads the information aloud to himself as he flips through the pages, “Head shot, time of death...right Hm, okay. Suspected mafia gang crime, affiliated suspects listed on page 35, okay. Similar patterns, to previous cases. Mhm.”

Yeonjun’s head was full of thoughts. The underground mafia seemed to be getting away with so much nowadays. Of course for years, even decades, the korean police metropolitan couldn’t ever seem to arrest or find members of the mafia (unless they were dead of course). It was just another world that the law enforcement unfortunately didn’t have much idea on.

Even so, most of the cases get sent to Taehyun rather than the police department? Why? Did Taehyun have some sort of affiliation? Why was his family so rich? Yes, he was a famous detective from a famous family but surely, even a detective’s hefty income couldn’t compare to Taehyun’s luxury lifestyle. Things weren’t adding up.

Taehyun knew too much and never seemed to like working with the police either. Why? He always seemed to not like working along side them. Something about “corrupting evidence or twisting the truth.” Maybe he was right? Even so...how could he say that when his own best friends father was a police officer. A righteous one at that...

...that suddenly got killed..

....whilst a decade later..Taehyun’s father was found shot dead...the exact same way...

Yeonjun’s eyes widen. Why was everything clicking into place? Why was there so much death hanging around them? Why did Taehyun seem to play the role of a puppet master who was holding all the strings?

Yeonjun slams the case file down and peers at the desk. His heart almost jumps out through his throat. The special drawer at Taehyun’s desk was slightly open. A little black line indicating the darkness inside. He peers around the office and up at the clock above the doorway. He had no choice but to check it out.

He rushes over and quietly pulls the drawer open. There were empty evidence bags; newspaper clippings of reported mafia related murders and crimes. There was also a cheque book both with old cheques and newer ones. He sorts through them as carefully as he can. His eyes widen seeing past cases that Taehyun and him had dealt with. It was almost like a checklist, no...a hit list of some sorts. He was checking them off.

Yeonjun pales seeing an unticked name; it was the name of the man who their current investigation was aimed at and there were future names as well. There were a lot of names crossed off as well. What the fuck did he just find? He quickly pulls out his phone snapping a picture of it before hurriedly putting everything back into the draw just as it was before.

This couldn’t be true. It wouldn’t possibly be his. Would it? Maybe it was just a piece of evidence. Yeonjun’s eyes tear up and his breathing was a mess. He couldn’t explain the familiar handwriting-Taehyun’s handwriting on those cheques and on the shitty list. What the fuck was happening?

What was Yeonjun’s best friend caught up in? He needed to help him out of it. Or at the very least prevent whatever dire consequences were in store.

Yeonjun pales; Taehyun had never left the drawer open. He’d always double check before leaving that the drawer was locked completely shut. This couldn’t just be an accident. Could it? He knew they were both awfully busy at the moment...but even so could that be a reason for this? Taehyun is human after all....human error is a possibility. Even for the perfect human that was Kang Taehyun.

Another few days pass. Yeonjun was in his room. He peers at his phone the time facing back at him showing 2:30am. His eyelids were heavy with exhaustion and his heart was empty; drained emotionally. He had been researching a lot about the underground mafia in Seoul and government hidden crimes in his remaining free time. He’d always been analysing every movement and document Taehyun had been in contact with.

His relationship with Taehyun was rapidly deteriorating but as painful as it was, he didn’t care. He just had to make sure his best friend wasn’t caught up in anything dangerous or doing anything stupid. Taehyun meant too much to him for him to just ignore the obvious warning signs. Yeonjun didn’t care if that meant becoming his enemy in the process.

His eyes scan over the various pieces of evidence. His heart suddenly drops. His lips tremble as his fingers scan over the cases from the last decade and a half, the same names kept coming up. Taehyun’s father. Again. Another case, again. Another one, once again.

His eyes widen and his breath becomes shaky, “W-Why...why was his dad responsible for every single one of these cases...? Why were they shut down so efficiently so q-quickly? But n-now its Taehyun?”

Another familiar name. He was looking through the city’s crime records both from the national library and the police files. His eyes water as he sees his own father’s name: Choi. The lead investigator being Kang.

“What the fuck? Why...Why would his dad take on the case? Why would he shut it down so...so quick? There wasn’t even sufficient e-evidence...but it says here there was finger print evidence. What the fuck...”

There was one thing Yeonjun had gathered tonight after weeks of research. Kang. The family name Kang had its reach over everything. That played an important role and a corrupt one at that. They solved every case too well; as if they already knew what had happened already.

Was the underground crime scene connected to the Kangs?

—

Another week passed. Yeonjun was becoming weaker and weaker. His emotions were a torrent in his heart and he couldn’t keep up with it. Taehyun was right about one thing....when a case becomes personal, and you emotions get involved you’ll become inefficient.

Yeonjun peers at the door to the familiar office block. One he now dreaded so much. It always caused him so much pain to wake up each morning and head to work. It was something he so adored in the past but now it felt like heavy chains dragged him there.

Taehyun himself seemed rather normal and continued to work with Yeonjun on the cases as usual. He acts as if nothing were happening between them. How? Why? Yeonjun hated how he would never be able to read what was going on in that head of his.

He walks in drearily into the office but instantly halts as he sees Taehyun and a girl talking. The girl seemed animated and shifted in what seems like nervousness or excitement. She was dressed formally and had a folder in her hand. Who the fuck is she?

Yeonjun’s lips purse together not particularly fond of the new guest. Taehyun peers at Yeonjun and gives him a curt smile and hums, “Ah, here he is. Here’s Choi Yeonjun, I’m sure you know who he is. I won’t bore you with details you already know.”

The female looked around the same age as the two of them. Why was she here? What was happening?

She speaks with a smile on her face. She outstretches her hand and mumbles quietly, “U-Uh, Mr. Choi, nice to meet you. My name is y/n l/n. I’m here to hopefully fulfil your position and keep to your legacy. I’ll be work shadowing you!”

The world stops for a moment. She what? Fulfil what? She’ll be doing...what? Time had felt as if it has completely stopped. His breathing becomes shaky and he tries to focus back on the current situation; Yeonjun composes himself as best as he can, “I-I’m sorry?”

The young female smiles, “I hope I’m not a bother. I’ll try my best, sir. Thank you for offering me to work shadow you.” Yeonjun blinks blankly just staring at her hand still awkwardly outstretched.

Taehyun murmurs, “Don’t leave her hanging Yeonjun. You have to show her around the building today.”

His eyes snap to Taehyun. Taehyun peers back almost confident in his gaze and he hums, “Yeonjun, take the intern around, promptly. You’ll be spending your last week passing on your remaining duties to her and discussing the ins and outs of working here and working with me.”

Yeonjun’s heart was shattering as he spoke so nonchalantly. Last week? What the fuck? He was getting replaced? He was replacing his fucking best friend? Did he lose it? Yeonjun clenches his jaw and his fists and he mutters, “Excuse me, allow me to use the restroom and return.”

He peers back at the girl who nods almost too eagerly. She looked unbelievably excited. Tch, stupid newbie. Her eyes had such an innocent gleam to them. She was untainted by the harsh world that was the world he was now in.

Yeonjun goes to the restroom and peers in the mirror. He was looking at the reflection of himself; one that was hurt, bruised emotionally, weakened. His eyes had glossed over. Why was he feeling such pain? He felt almost nauseous. How could Taehyun replace him without any notice? Did he dig too deep?

Suddenly the door opens and he sees Taehyun walk in not sparing him a glance and he comes into wash his hands in the sink beside him. Yeonjun’s bottom lip trembles, “Why?”

Taehyun peers at the reflection of him in the mirror and lets out a, “Hm?”

Yeonjun’s hurtfully grits his teeth, “Since when did I quit? Why-Why is she here-“ Taehyun reaches over to get a paper towel and hums, “Since I said you were. You’re rather inefficient these days.”

Yeonjun snarls, “You damn well know that’s not why.” Taehyun murmurs, “She’s waiting for you out there. Don’t be rude and keep her waiting.”

Yeonjun snaps, “Why the fuck should I do it? I’m gonna send her out.”

Taehyun lets out a frustrated sigh, “Yeonjun. Don’t. Don’t make things any harder than they need to be.” Yeonjun scoffs, “You seem to have just made things harder by pulling this shit. Do I mean nothing to you?”

Taehyun’s eyes darken as he faces Yeonjun, “You could of just kept yourself in the dark. Ignorance is bliss after all. You are the one who caused this Yeonjun. This is all on you.”

Yeonjun’s legs feel weak. His eyes sting on the verge of crying. He stammers angrily, “I know what you’re hiding Taehyun.”

Taehyun hums walking towards the restroom door to exit, “I know. I know you do, Yeonjun. That’s precisely, why I’m letting you go.”

Years worth of friendship, tossed down the drain just like that. Was Yeonjun nothing to Taehyun? Was he just a colleague? Someone to use and toss aside once discovering the truth. Was discovering the so called truth worth it? He lost his best friend. He lost his job.

Yeonjun grits out angered, “Kang. Taehyun.” A tear slips down his face. He was hurt, betrayed by his actions. All this retaliation just added fuel to the fire. It proved Yeonjun’s suspicions. He was on the right track and he almost had the evidence behind to prove it. However he didn’t have the most prime evidence of all, that being DNA evidence.

All he knew was that the Kang’s and the underground crime ring had connections and they seemed to be tampering with the cases and the prosecutions. That in itself was evil alone. He couldn’t even imagine Taehyun taking on such a role. It made him sick to his stomach. He had to have some faith right? Maybe it was misunderstanding?

He inhaled deeply. The intern was waiting for him outside; he had to suck it up and get on with it and face reality. He washes his face and then proceeds to walk out with a look of determination.

His eyes land on the girl waiting for him by the doorway. He can’t help but smile at how she teeters from her toes to her heels. She seems to not have noticed his presence. He clears his throat and she lets out a yelp almost dropping her file. She stammers, “Oh my god-s-sorry-how long were you standing there- my apolog-“

Yeonjun cuts her off making her flinch, “Follow me. It’s a small building so it won’t take long but there’s three floors. Don’t lag behind.”

She nods eagerly it was almost endearing for him to watch. As he toured her around he took note of her questions and small gestures and actions; she clearly seemed to want to work here.

She murmurs in awe as he reluctantly shows her around. The way her eyes would widen and her mouth go slightly ajar at the simplest things made his lips twitch. She was undoubtedly cute. He hadn’t had time to even think about girls in such a messy career and especially for the last month or so.

She seemed to have trouble keeping up with his own long strides making him the slightest bit amused. She hums, “Mr. Choi, what’s it like working with Detective Kang?”

His heart aches and he murmurs painfully; memories and flashbacks appearing in his head, “He has certain quirks and habits. He is quite picky in the way he works and usually expects you to understand what’s going on without him telling you.”

She frowns, “That sounds quite hard...wow, that explains how you two have such good chemistry when working together.”

Yeonjun clears his throat, “Yeah. I guess.” She gasps asking what seems to be her tenth question of the hour, “So what sort of-“

Yeonjun spins around abruptly making her almost crash into his chest. Her cheeks burn and her eyes widen in surprise, “Mr C-Choi-“

Yeonjun mutters giving her an annoyed glance, “One. Call me Yeonjun. Two, can you spare a moment to keep quiet and just walk behind me?”

Her lips form a pout and she murmurs, “Sorry.”

Yeonjun felt his heart spark. He couldn’t help but feel bad for lashing out. She looked so cute when she pouted. Should he say sorry? For fuck’s sake what was he thinking?

They both spent the next hour or so walking around each floor and discussing things. Yeonjun kept himself composed. The young female was unbelievably honoured to be shown around by Yeonjun. She was so excited; she admired the duo so much.

That was it for that day; that’s all he’d been assigned to do. He sits back at his laptop and notices that the password to his case files had been changed. Taehyun. He grits out, “Fuck.”

He clenches his fists, “Why are you doing this? Why are you making it so much harder? I don’t want to believe that you’re a bad guy...why...”

The misery that shrouds Yeonjun is intense. How much more could he take?

Another day at work arrives; the same innocent looking intern following him around like a lost puppy, a genuinely invested being. He found it endearing; she had been sharing her expectations and he found out that she majored in law. Her ideas were good, she seemed to almost...almost remind him of Taehyun when he was younger. It was almost bittersweet?

The intern was simply so passionate that he couldn’t help but tutor her in the ways. Maybe he could leave Taehyun in good hands whilst he gets more evidence and carries out his investigation. Maybe it was better if he left?

More days pass until the last day of him supposedly working here arrive. His bottom lip trembles as he packs up his desk items into a box. He was angered but figured out that this wouldn’t be the last of him.

He peers at the female sitting there politely. She gives him a smile and his heart flutters a bit. He knew she was a good one. He knew Taehyun would like her; she seemed to compliment him more than he himself did. Just for awhile. She’ll also soon find out things she’s meant too. She’s smart. She’s inquisitive and hopeful.

He hums, “You excited to start working for real from next Monday?” The girl is surprised as Yeonjun breaks the harsh silence and nods rather eagerly, “A-Ah yeah! I really am. I really appreciate how you showed me around and took the time to explain everything and answer my questions.”

He lets out a bitter laugh, “Mhm, no worries. Taehyun is a lot to handle, but I’m sure you can do it. His nuances are certainly...something.” The female smiles nervously, “Ah, yeah I’ve noticed. Yeonjun...could I ask you something?”

He raises a brow as he picks up the box, “Hm?” She bites her lip in nervousness before speaking hesitantly, “Why..? Why did you choose to leave? I just...you two work so well together.”

How could he explain it to her? Could he get another young blossoming detective involved. He sighs...no he had to do this alone. For now. He hums, “I just have some things going on in life. Mistakenly gotten involved in things I shouldn’t have perhaps.”

She lets out a soft, “Oh...I-well I wish you the best Yeonjun. Will you come visit-“ Yeonjun peers darkly at her and hums, “Most likely not. My time here is over as of now. I appreciate the courtesy though.”

She stands up picking up her files. She had to go meet Taehyun for lunch at the nearby café. This would be the last time he’d see her.

He clears his throat, “Wait.” She turns around wide eyed. He inhales deeply; his voice heavy, “Never leave Taehyun and do well with him won’t you? Look after him. Solve each and every crime. Bring justice to light. Truthful justice.”

If only she knew. He still had faith in Taehyun...he just hoped it was one big misunderstanding or some mere illusion he’d gotten himself into.

She hesitantly nods with a confused expression. He murmurs, “I’ve gotten myself into shit but the only choice I have right now is to leave. But I know I’m leaving it in good hands.” He smiles softly as he notices her shudder slightly. Did he scare her?

His final statement resounds, “I know you’ll come find me at the right time. Oh and don’t tell Taehyun of this, please.” He mumbles under his breath, “Just...keep an eye out.” He wasn’t sure if she heard it but either way his heart felt as if it was set on fire. This was it.

He hurriedly turns away and walks past her and out through the door. His gaze dark with worry and irritation. Yeonjun marches towards the glass double doors; his final exit of this beloved place he once called home.

His eyes widen as he sees Taehyun in a brown long jacket and a scarf standing with his hands in his pockets. His eyes meet Yeonjun’s and his lips form a curt smile and he murmurs, “Good bye Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun is astounded by the distant words. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything but just nod pathetically and walk past him towards his own car.

“Yeonjun-ah, ah...one more thing.” Yeonjun stops at Taehyun’s smooth voice but doesn’t face him. Taehyun continues, “Drop the investigation. Why fight a battle you’ll know you’ll lose?”

Yeonjun grits out, “Why do you keep proving me wrong? I want to believe you’re not a bad person. Why?”

Taehyun murmurs, “Like I say Yeonjun, emotions can toy with you and can cause you to become inefficient. You’re the perfect product of that.”

Yeonjun lets out a bitter scoff and murmurs, “You’re manipulative in a way. Don’t do that to her.”

Taehyun hums, “Her? You mean my new assistant?” Yeonjun remains quiet.

“Grown attached already? How endearing. She’ll be treated very differently from how I treated you Yeonjun. I wouldn’t worry. She’ll be the perfect replacement. One that won’t question or snoop around.”

Yeonjun murmurs, “She’s not gonna take it. She’ll uncover your lies. If I don’t do it first.”

Taehyun lets out a quiet laugh before responding, “You won’t, Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun smiles bitterly, “Goodbye Taehyun.”

That was the end of that. Or so he thought. Life couldn’t fuck him over that much more right? He was wrong.

He couldn’t get the look that Taehyun had on his face when he said, “You won’t, Yeonjun.” It sends shivers down his spine. Was he a target now?

His phone lets out a ‘ping.’ He peers down, his eyes widening seeing Taehyun’s name. They hadn’t messaged in months. The message was concise: ‘Get out of the city. You’re in danger. Don’t come back if you have any want to live.’

His heart drops. Was he warning Yeonjun? Was he right? Maybe Taehyun was not truly apart of whatever mafia crime link he found? Wait...was it a threat? He couldn’t tell over message it was so blankly written.

Maybe Taehyun really did care about him? Either way, Yeonjun has started hurriedly packing his belonging haphazardly. He had to get out of here. There had to be a reason why Taehyun of all people would say this.

So he did, within three days. Yeonjun had left the city to another town in another district. One thing was for sure, he wasn’t going to drop the investigation. He’d be back when he’d get more support and get more evidence and compile everything he had together.

[Two Years later]

“Y/n?” Taehyun murmurs putting his jacket on. She peers with a smile, “Yes detective?”

He rolls his eyes, “Still with that detective title?” She lets out a laugh and pouts, “What?” Taehyun murmurs, “Call me Taehyun. It will sound better. I assure you.”

She hums mimicking thought, “Hm...no.”

Taehyun lets out a laugh and swings his bag across his shoulder, “Hm, one day then. Continue with the paper work. I’ve got something to take care of.”

The female smiles widely waving, “Alright then! I’ll be waiting with your favourite and my signature tea then!”

Taehyun had to keep himself from just laughing. So, so innocent. He could tell how much she’d fallen for him. How...endearing? It was almost cute.

He murmurs, “Well, I guess that’ll be good then. I won’t keep you waiting for too long.” She lets out a flushed smile. He leaves and his gaze turns dark as he notices the rain harshly pouring down. Thunder resounds out. Summer showers were certainly something weren’t they?

Taehyun’s hand slips inside his saddle bag and he feels the familiar dark and cold metal of a revolver. He hums to himself as he steps into his car and places his hands on the steering wheel.

He hums, “Oh Yeonjun, why do you have to make things so personal..why did you come back here..I wouldn’t have to resort to doing this.”

He wraps his favourite scarf around his neck just about covering the lower half of his face. Yeonjun wanted to meet him in person after so long. He knew he gathered enough evidence and other officers to charge a prosecution against him. Yet still wanted to give him a chance, how laughable.

That his family worked with the crime ring to ‘off’ people and let the true criminals slip away. To just shove cases away. Make sure no one did too much digging. He never was a fan of playing the good guy, but the feeling of playing the charismatic beloved star detective who solved every case he touched with his golden finger. Boy; did it feel good.

The ride was short. He spots a familiar man standing in the rain with his blonde hair. He hasn’t changed much these years. Taehyun couldn’t help but let out a smirk before stepping out the car.

The darkness of the night shrouds the city with the heavy lashing of the rain against the concrete. The low rumbles of thunder resound out. Yeonjun shouts out past the heavy rain, “You’re here.” Taehyun nods.

Yeonjun honestly looked broken; weak. Tarnished. A hollow shell of what he once was. Yeonjun stammers, “Taehyun...help me. Lets uncover the wrong doings your family have done. Your family have twisted justice, pushed people in the wrong path. Created a false reality for the people of this city. Turn yourself in-!”

Taehyun lets out a bitter laugh. Droplets of warm rain run down his features, “Why would I do that? Why fight so hard for justice that doesn’t exist? The world is a dark place Yeonjun, heroes can fight all they want, but at the end of the day, everyone is twisted. Two faced. Even the law.”

Taehyun murmurs, “Your dad did the exact same thing you’re doing right now. He did some unnecessary digging on my father. You’re now standing in the same position. Funny isn’t it?”

Yeonjun’s eyes widen almost shattered. Taehyun pulls the revolver out of his bag and he murmurs coldly, “Now I’m in the same position as my father. Having to do the dirty work himself. Having to take out his so called best friend.”

Taehyun’s finger tenderly hooks onto the trigger. Yeonjun’s eyes widen. So much new information was hitting him. Taehyun hums, “I did care for you. When you didn’t seem so meddlesome. You should of stayed away. I even gave you chance to drop it. I didn’t want to do this. I told you to leave.”

Yeonjun stammers; tears run down his face or was that the rain? “Then don’t! Be different Taehyun. You don’t have to do this.” Taehyun hums, “I know, but I choose to. Now if you don’t mind, I have a warm cup of tea waiting for me. A better chance at life and an assistant who’s willing to just be that. An assistant and not meddling around like you.”

Yeonjun snarls, “You-! Kang Taehyun! I don’t want to leave you behind-!” Taehyun sighs deeply, “Yeonjun, sometimes it’s better not to get involved in things that don’t concern you. Ignorance is bliss after all.”

Yeonjun glares, “She’ll figure it out I’m sure. She’s not stupid.” Taehyun murmurs, “She’s in love. That’s all that matters. And you know what emotion does right Yeonjun?” The look in Yeonjun’s eyes is shattering. Love makes you blind. Would she not ever come to her senses?

Taehyun clears his throat as the rain seems to get harsher and the night darker.

“This is the end of the road Yeonjun. I’ll make sure your case file comes to me. It always will.”

The thunder lets out a large bang. Lightening soon joining the sky lighting it up.

Two shots.

Two shots alone, and another new case file to appear on the desk for tomorrow.

[jyunshiim]

Two Moons ☾♡︎☽

[ A SEQUEL TO MY MOON; Lucas x reader]

Genre: Angst, so much angst. Pinches of romance and fluff.

Pairing: Lucas x reader ( x/ ft.Kun)

Contains: moving on, rebounding, heartbreak, lots of cats, more heartbreak and cats. Oh and Kun.

Song Recommendations: Still With You (By Jungkook) & She’s In The Rain (By The Rose)

Summary: Lucas and you had broken up quite the while ago and it took you awhile to move on but you’ve successfully done it. However could the same be said for Lucas who seems to be in a state of peril as he realises his feelings of nothingness have indeed formed into regret and he misses you dearly?

——————————•••••••••••••••————————

The clouds above swirl and slowly float abiding by simply observing the world below them. They are the colour of ash, they grumble and groan in the sky whilst seemingly weeping their tears onto the ground below. It was another rainy day in Seoul.

The strong breeze that is apparent morphs into a gust as the weather rapidly declines into one of grimace and discomfort. One particular brown haired male frowns in discomfort. He never really liked rainy weather. Particularly when it was windy at the same time.

The feeling of cold rain water being propelled by the wind making it spit into your face; well he didn’t think it was the most pleasant experience. He much preferred the neutral or slightly warmer days. Or if it had to rain, albeit without the gales of wind.

Lucas murmurs; a grimace on his features, “Shitty weather, forgot my umbrella, just wanted a walk for fuck’s sake.” He wasn’t quite having the best of days; he had checked the weather app on his phone before he left. It said it was sunny and a bit cloudy.

Lucas snorts slightly annoyed, “Bullshit.”

The light rain shower seems to become more hostile making him flinch as his shirt becomes dotted with wet and darkened splashes from the rain drops.

He needed to find somewhere to stop off and wait out the rain. It had been awhile since he was back in Seoul. He left a year ago to a nearby town just outside of Seoul called Bucheon. It was alright, he had managed to get another place for himself and get a new job as a manager of a store there. It paid pretty decently since it was quite popular. He did a good job of managing the store and it’s employees too if did say so himself.

Lucas’ lips form a frown and his heart twinges at the thought of a year ago. Just a year ago, he was in a relationship with y/n. It was eventful honestly, just at the beginning of that year things were already on the decline and by the quarter of it, he and her broke up. That was that.

He moved out and here he was. Lucas wanted a fresh start. Vivid flashback’s play in his head as if someone just inserted a cassette into his brain; just one memory after another.

Memories of him and y/n laughing, cuddling, the little sneaking around he’d have to do at work in an attempt to text her without being caught by his boss. The way her soft face felt in his hands; how her hands were so small in comparison to his own; that whenever they’d hold hands, he’d envelope her hands completely. Moments of sheer quiet where they both just sat together embracing their body warmth and presence without needing to utter single word but just appreciating that they both exist within that space.

His chest seems to ache with an emotion he’d been feeling for the last few months or so. It’s actually what brought Lucas back to visit Seoul. The feeling of, belonging, regret and nostalgia. He tried to ignore it, but he thought it wouldn’t do much harm visiting his home. The city he grew up in; the city he found someone he loved. The city where he also lost his love for that someone.

Images of her laughing with that beautiful and wide grin as her unique laugh resounds out plays in his head. The way she’d perfectly fit in his arms and the way they’d both peer up at the moon together. Their moon. The moon they both grew to love so dearly but now it was so far away.

Why was he feeling this way? He was doing just fine. After he left, he was doing perfectly fine and well. Life seemed to be working out, he felt enlightened, free-free of burden of being held down. Then why? Why...why did he miss it? Didn’t...didn’t he fall out of love? Didn’t he not feel anything for her anymore? Right?

His chest felt so empty since he finally settled in Bucheon. His new house that once felt spacious, free and full of his own broad presence...now it just felt empty, hollow. Like it was missing someone.

Whenever memories of her flooded his mind whether that be in the most random moments or just before he’d fall asleep or on his spontaneous walks, his empty chest would be set ablaze, warmth would spread throughout him. A semblance of feeling, that he once had would arise. Lucas places a hand on his shirt, (now damp from the rain), it was beating faster than he intended.

He didn’t want to admit. He didn’t want to say it. Did he miss her? He did. He didn’t want her back though right? He broke up with her, why would he want her back? HE was the one who fell out of love with her right? He was the stupid fuck who broke her heart, right?

His head seemed to spin with so many questions, so many thoughts. Why was everything so complicated?

Lucas voices out lowly, “I wonder how she’s been doing?” The same question he’s been wondering for month or two now. A dangerous one, one of temptation. Just a like the end of the string attached to a ball of yarn, he was a like a soft fluffy cat wanting to follow the yarn. Would curiosity kill the cat or simply just satiate it?

He could just leave it be. Let the question hang in the air as always, or actually go seek her out. His feelings currently mirrored the clouds up above. A torrent, a greyish swirling tumble of emotions.

He still followed her social media and he could sense for awhile after he left she was having a tough time but she slowly became stronger and started posting more frequently and looked so much happier, whilst he became so much sadder.

Whether he wanted to admit it or not, one thing was clear, he murmurs, his own voice laced with hurt, “I-I...miss you..” A breath taken, “...so much.”

Moments like this he felt as if he were the biggest idiot in the entire universe. Why did he feel like that back then? What was so wrong back then? Why did his feelings for her decline so rapidly? He felt so strongly whilst they pursued each other but when they officially started dating, it went all rocky. Was he just that much of an idiot? Was he just scared of committing? Did he just make fucking excuses back then?

Either way, the answer of sheer regret was clear on his face. His eyes gloss over and his frown ingrains itself on his features. He still remembers their first encounter in the cat-café they worked at. She looked so cute, touring him around, getting flustered by him. The cats themselves seemed to just follow her around, well, if he didn’t beat them to it.

His eyes widen as he sees the familiar awning. A dull shade of cream; it had clearly seen years worth of weather. The light pink frill still there on the awning leading all the way to the quaint little hanging sign reading: ‘Kittie Kafé.’ Lucas snorts at the name; it was endearingly cute.

There it is, the so called cat-café. The one where it all started.

He murmurs, “I wonder if she still works there.” He shakes his head, “Oh come on don’t do that...what if you see her, she probably doesn’t want to ever see you again, dude.” His monologue doesn’t seem to stop his feet from crossing the road towards the café.

He finally reaches the café and he stands idly in front of it. His eyes peer at the large pane of glass showcasing the inside of the store. He could see at first glance past the vapour on the glass and some rain drops that the furniture had been shifted around and some new cat trees and runways have been added. It looked impossibly even cuter than before.

Lucas’ eyes widen as he sees cats, many cats walking around and hanging around from the various trees. Various breeds, sizes, ages and colours. It was undoubtedly adorable. His lips couldn’t help but twitch into a smile. He lets out a sigh as he grasps the door handle, “Fuck it, I wanna pet some cats. Even if I have to pay to do it.”

It was perfect. He’d wait out the shit weather in the café, where he can play with the cats and even get some warm food to warm up. Lucas paints a wide smile on his face as he walks up to the counter. He was slightly nervous as he looks around, there seemed to be more cats than humans here. Well, not that he was complaining of course.

The counter was empty; there was no staff members. He awkwardly shifts around; before spotting a bell and he taps it. He snorts as some of the cats get slightly startled by the ‘ding.’ He seemed to recognise some of the cats. His chest aches; he and y/n would always come here whilst dating. Of course before they also worked here; well he did. Does she still though?

He hears footsteps and he peers up and spots a male in an warm brown apron and well...his hair contrasting definitely. It was an electric blue. It clearly stood out from the cream and pink colour scheme of the café. The man gives Lucas a wide smile and hums happily, “Good afternoon sir! You’re our second customer of the day, it’s been rather slow, so it’s great to have someone for the cats to hang around with on this rainy day.”

Lucas had to stop himself from showing the surprise on his face. This guy...he was so...charismatic? He’d never seen him before. He looked around the same age as him. Lucas murmurs in response with a smile, “Ah! That’s good, I love cats so it’d be nice to have some feline company.”

Lucas’ eyes trail to the name pin on his apron reading: Kun. Hmm, Kun? So this was the name of the staff member. Kun smiles and hums, “Right? Why don’t you get seated and get acquainted with some of the kitties here. You can also browse our menu. Apologies for any delay, we only have myself and another employee with us today!”

Lucas smiles as he takes a seat amongst the many cat trees and runways. He lets out a soft laugh as he sees a fluffy cream coloured cat curled up on the floor just under his table. Its bright blue eyes peer back at him completely unamused. He cooes, his lips forming a pout, “Oh aren’t you a cutie? So soft and fluffy too.” The cat seems to shift and let out a purr as his fingers scratch under its chin.

Another cat, a black short-haired one seems to slide against his leg and purr as it seems to twist its head scenting him. He giggles adoring the attention as more and more cats come up to him and sniff him, “Oh yes, yes. This is exactly what I needed. Come here all of you, you’re all gonna get my love-!”

His cat group hug is interrupted as he hears a shocked voice, “L-Lucas?” His entire body tenses up; it was her. He knew that voice more than anyone. Lucas slowly sits up removing his hands from the dozen cats around his legs. His jaw lays ajar, “Y-Y/n?”

There she was. Standing right in front of him. Her widened eyes and her lips almost forming a shocked ‘O.’ She had a petite pink spiral notepad and a cute cat pen to seemingly write down the order. She was dressed in the brown apron (the uniform of the café,) as her expression was one of a mixture of confusion and shock. Well...she didn’t seem angry at least? Or if she did, she was doing a good job of hiding it.

She stammers, “Oh shi-I mean, uh, damn. I didn’t expect you to be here.”

Lucas hears another voice and peers over his shoulder back at the front counter seeing Kun. Kun hums with a smile, “Hey-? Y/n, you good? You know him?”

Lucas peers back at her and notices the way her expression goes from shocked to one of serenity and almost pleasantness. Her lips morph into a happy smile, “Kun! Yeah, I do. He-He was-, I mean he’s a friend of mine.”

Ouch. Lucas tenses up further. Kun’s brows raise up and he smiles, “Oh damn! A friend of y/n’s is always welcome here, nice to meet you man. My name’s Kun, if you hadn’t already read the name tag.”

Y/n lets out a giggle at Kun and for some reason; Lucas feels his chest grumble and sharp ache hit his heart. The way she was looking at him with twinkling eyes and that smile. That precious smile that he thought was always only for him.

No...no, she couldn’t like him right-?

Wait, wait, wait. The fuck was he doing? Was he really getting jealous? He had no right to. They weren’t dating anymore. Plus, he was sure that her and Kun were just mere coworkers. Yeah...just coworkers. Close coworkers. Almost like they were, but not as close.

Y/n peers back at Lucas with her notepad and pen in hand, “Wow, who would of thought you’d be back? I thought you left Seoul, Lucas?”

Why did she seem so nonchalant now? Did she really move on? Of course she did, well-of COURSE he was happy about it. He wouldn’t want her to feel upset by any means but just, his heart was a puddle at this point.

His eyes meet hers and his heart flutters. She was all the more beautiful than she already was. She seemed to be looking healthy, and happier than ever. Painfully so, he was glad. He answers, “Ah, yeah. I moved to Bucheon.”

She smiles, “Ah yeah, one of my friends told me. Why you back here?”

Lucas smiles attempting to put on a brave face and playfully asks, “Why? Don’t want me back here?” She stammers slightly wide-eyed, “No, no, I’m just surprised is all.”

He chuckles, “Ah, I came back for a visit. I missed this place. Just wanted to tour around my old spots for awhile, you know?” She nods with a sentimental smile, “Yeah I get what you mean. How have you, Uh, been though?”

He scratches the back of his neck ignoring the cats seeming to be kneading their paws into the denim of his trousers, “I’ve been alright, a bit rocky if I’m being honest. It’s okay though, what about you?”

Her eyes gleam in concern and her brows furrow, “Oh, hey, I’m here to talk-I mean not to pry of course but just you know, it’s never to hold it in.”

His heart aches even more; he was starting to feel sick. All his feelings were bubbling to the surface. He nods tousling his brown locks, “Ah, yeah I know...”. He chuckles to himself, “You always said that.”

Her cheeks seem to warm at that and she smiles softly, “Yeah...you should, should listen to me.” His body flinches almost feeling a spark, or should he say a remainder of the spark. He hums, “How about you? I see you’re still working here?”

Her smile becomes a smug grin, “Mhm, I’ve always loved working here but yeah guess what, you know our old manager, she’s retired, but she promoted me to manager just a few months back! She was so sweet!”

The smug expression on her face was killing Lucas-it was just so cute. He claps with a wide grin, “Damn congratulations! You deserve it! Plus, all the cats here must be happy about it too.”

She clicks her tongue giving him a playful wink almost sending his already racing heart into overdrive, “You bet. The kitties here are just so cute.” He wanted to just say the cheesiest pick up line right then and there...’Not as cute as you though.’ Fuck’s sake there’s no way he could do that now. He just knew she’d be flustered. He didn’t think it’d be appropriate.

She lets out a soft smile, “It’s been awhile though. You went off radar for a long awhile. My friends seemed to be the ones telling me about you, more than you did. I kept up with your social media though of course.” He murmurs slightly enlightened to see that she cared about him, “Ah, yeah. Same here. You seem to be doing well and having fun.”

She smiles nodding, “Anyway, what do you wanna order?” He murmurs scanning through menu, “Ah could I have a mocha and maybe a cookie shortcake.”

She hums, “Knew it, you’d go for the cookie shortcake. Heated up right? So the chocolate is just ever so slightly melted?”

He didn’t know whether she was just purely being nice to him or whether she was rubbing it in his face that she still remembered everything about him. Either way it stung like a bitch. Fucking hell, he’d wonder if he’d walk out of the café filled to the brim with food but completely devoid of emotion.

He simply nods, “Mhm.” Y/n notes it down and walks towards the food counter and begins making the mocha and grasping the cookie shortcake and heating it up. The way her soft locks of hair bounce around on her back and her little looks of concentration as she works entrance Lucas. She was so cute when she worked; she always had given her all. Her spirit never seemed to never have died down. She giggles as she steps around the cats wandering around here and there.

His eyes drift to the front counter and his smile instantaneously drops as he spot Kun who seems to have stopped mid-position of organising paperwork to look at y/n. His eyes were glistening in interest, in affection. His lips had formed a soft and enchanted smile as he looked at her. From one man to another, he definitely knew that look. That was the look of being enamoured, being infatuated, being in love with someone.

Y/n hums to herself and peers up with a smile seeing Kun staring at her. She lets out a flustered smile. Kun hums, “In your own world again?”

She murmurs finishing up the mocha with a teasing smile, “I don’t know Kun? Not anymore. You interrupted my thoughts.”

Kun leans resting his chin on the palm of his hand with an almost flirtatious smile, “Oh my apologies, I’ll let you get back to thinking of me.”

Lucas feels his fists clenching along with his jaw. He feels his gaze darkening in Kun’s direction. Don’t get jealous. Don’t get jealous. He was almost seeming to internally chant this to himself. A storm was brewing within his mind.

Y/n scoffs with a laugh, “I was not!” Kun grins, “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. Your expression says it all.” She scoffs clearly flustered, “Oh hush.”

She takes out the heated shortcake and hums plating it with a napkin and then placing the mocha and shortcake onto a cream coloured tray. Lucas peers back at Kun; who seemed to still have a flustered smile on his face.

Y/n walks up to his table. Lucas forcibly puts on a smile and mumbles, “Thanks.” She smiles, “No problem, just give us a shout if you need anything else.”

He murmurs, “You busy right now?”

She spins around, “Huh? Ah, well it’s a quiet day today, so not really. I was gonna help Kun with some of-“

“How about we catch up and talk for awhile? I wanna hear about what’s you’ve been up to?” Lucas wanted to slap himself for interrupting her. He didn’t want to do that but as soon as she said Kun’s name it was almost like a reflex. Idiot.

She stammers slightly shocked by how eager he was. Of course she herself was having mixed emotions but she’d cried herself out for months way before, she wasn’t gonna waste anymore breath on him. They were still on good terms, so why not right?

She sits down opposite him and yelps as one of the cats hops onto her lap and curls into a lying position making her let out a giggle and her hands strokes over the cats soft fur.

So she begins to tell him more about what she’s been up to and Lucas listens in. Her heart was fluttering at the way Lucas looked at her so intently. As-As if, she really was his whole world.

He also told her about what he was getting up to since they last met. He hums peering as Kun seems to be sweeping the floor, “So, he’s a newbie or..?”

Y/n smiles almost seeming to blush now that the attention seems to be on Kun. Lucas can’t help wriggle in his seat and he reluctantly chews away at the melty cookie shortcake. She hums, “Ah no, he started working here maybe around four months ago. He’s been doing great.”

Lucas hums, “Mhm, you two friends? He seems nice.” She chuckles, “Yeah I’d say we’re close friends. He got me out of my just down space that I’d been feeling, he’s a little full of himself but it’s quite charming you know? He’s really fun to work with and undeniably sweet. Plus, the cats here just love him to bits.”

With the way she was going on about him, he felt as if she saw Kun than more than just ‘close friends.’ She seemed to just be enamoured with Kun as Kun was with her. He knew that look of adoration in her eyes better than anyone else. Those were the same eyes that were looking at him before, but not anymore. A stinging sensation is rife in his heart.

She chuckles, “Kun is a special one for sure.”

Lucas hums sipping the mocha, “You both just coworkers or do you both hang out outside of work? I mean you’re close friends right?”

She raises a brow, “Awfully curious are we?”

Lucas’ cheeks burst into flames of faint pink and he stammers, “I-I just wanna make sure he’s treating you right you know, I-I mean I’m sure he is-well you know what nevermind-“

She lets out a laugh, “Hey, hey it’s okay, I get it. For real though, he’s so sweet. I wouldn’t worry Lucas. I think you two would actually really get along with each other. Your personalities compliment each other to be fair.”

Lucas awkwardly nods, “Ahah, right.”

She hums peers at her phone, “Well if that’s all, I probably shouldn’t be talking on my shift for too long. Hope you enjoy yourself, and leave the money in the pay slip, I’ll collect it before you go. You usually go for the two hour slots don’t you?”

Lucas nods blankly, “Yeah.” He watches her sway by him the cats all meowing at her for attention. Kun laughs as a black cat runs up to him and he picks it up in the air almost as if it were a baby. The cat is hunched in his hands letting out an affectionate meow. She smiles clinging her hands onto Kun’s shoulder laughing, “Midnight’s always loved you Kun! God, she’s such a baby, can’t go a day without you picking her up.”

Kun laughs, “Well I can’t go a day without picking up Midnight either then.” Y/n giggles, “Found your cat soulmate perhaps?” He hums, “Maybe.”

The cat seems to purr as he carries her in his arms and y/n scratches softly behind its ears and under its chin. They looked indeed like a true couple much to Lucas’ dismay. Kun hums with a sigh, “I always wanted to take Midnight home with me, but unfortunately I can’t due to company policy.”

Y/n she sighs looking at the cats all over the place, “Ah, I wanna take all these kitties home. But then again, I’d be a crazy cat lady for trying to hoard them.” Kun snorts, “I mean it’d be a challenge certainly. Imagine the amount of food, litter boxes and beds you’d need.”

Y/n shudders, “Okay, maybe I wouldn’t go broke for a cat.” Kun murmurs, “I’m sure getting one cat from the adoption centre isn’t a bad idea though. Still surprises me that you haven’t got one already.”

Lucas’ grip on his cup tightens. The pain, the frustration he was feeling was beyond compare. She wanted a calico cat, that was one of her favourite breeds. Of course he’d never forget that. He wanted to get her a kitten for her birthday...but, they broke up before he could even manifest it to happen.

She murmurs, “Yeah I know, I’ve been thinking of finally adopting one, maybe a calico from the shelter. It’s okay though, I’d settle for any breed honestly.”

Kun smiles peering into her eyes, “Yeah? Wanna come to the shelter with me maybe next week? I wanna get a cat too.” She lets out a hushed squeal, “You can’t be serious? Really?”

Kun grins, “Hell yeah. We gonna bring back two awesome cats for ourselves. They’re gonna be the best of playmates too.” She chuckles as she begins organising the papers, “Oh my god, you’ve gotten me all excited now.”

Kun’s eyes soften and he murmurs, “I was wondering if you’d uh, wanna make it a complete...”

Lucas tenses up; he knows he shouldn’t be this nosy. He shouldn’t be listening in on them; it was just plain rude but he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t his fault they’re talking loudly, or that he just HAPPENED to be listening. He didn’t like where Kun’s sentencing was going. He was already fuming.

Y/n’s eyes widen; her cheeks on fire as she realises that Kun is right next to her. He murmurs, “I was wondering if you wanna make that entire day...like a date you know...like we go the shelter to check out some cats to adopt and then we can spend the day together maybe, you don’t have to of course-!”

Her heart was about to pop out of her chest and stammers quietly conscious of Lucas who was still dining, “Y-Yes! Kun, of course. That sounds so fun.”

Kun smiles widely; his own cheeks bursting into flames from sheer embarrassment. She’d never seen Kun so nervous. Her heart was racing; thrill was in her bloodstream.

She hadn’t felt this way for such a long time. Yes, yes she did like Kun. She may perhaps have developed some feelings for him since working here, but she was over the moon to know that they maybe reciprocated.

She hadn’t felt this way...since, since...Lucas.

Her eyes peer at the table where he was sat. The cats that were near him seemed to have dispersed. She notices the odd aura surrounding him; an aura of disappointment, sadness. He was slightly slouching and she couldn’t make out his eyes; they were masked by his brown tousles of hair as he looked down unhappily at the floor. His plate was empty apart from the crumbs left over and the remainder of the mocha. His fingers tapped lightly at the table and his breath seemed to be shaky.

She knew that look. He knew that look very well and her heart immediately drops. Did he hear her and Kun? He didn’t care though right? He didn’t love her anymore? So it didn’t matter if he heard or not right? Why did he seem to down? Was he just ill...? No it couldn’t be. He clearly looked upset.

Kun hums, “You okay?” She shakes her head and lets out a soft laugh, “Ah, yeah. I think he’s gonna pay. Let me get his payment.”

Kun hums, “Two hour slot right?” She nods, and she walks over nervously.

Lucas doesn’t seem to peer up at her. She murmurs, “Lucas?” All she gets is a, “Hm?”

“A-Are you paying now?” She stammers. Lucas seems to fumble around in his pockets whipping out his classic brown wallet and holds out his credit card. She walks over grabbing the credit machine and the payment proceeds (rather silently).

She attempts to make him smile, “So uh! You have an hour remaining of your slot! So have fun, we have plenty of kitties here as you know, plus the upstairs, has more of them, so feel free to take a look!”

Lucas places his hands on knees before standing up abruptly.

She’s startled and hums, “L-Lucas? You okay?” Lucas suddenly peers up and her heart feels like it’s shattering as she sees the look on his face. It was a look of pain, regret, frustration and anger. His eyes had glossed over and his bottom lip was trembling and jaw clenched. His hands formed fists that shook slightly.

Her eyes soften, “Hey, hey-What’s wrong? Lucas I know you, you’re upset. Why?” Lucas spits out harsher than intended, “I shouldn’t of come here.”

She flinches at the loud outburst, so much so that Kun peers up looking concerned. She waves her hand for him to avoid coming over, Kun frowns in worry but nods in understanding.

She murmurs, “Why? Why do you regret coming here? Did I do or say something?”

Lucas stammers; his eyes stinging on the verge of breaking down, “I-no-just-fuck-! It’s not your fault, it was never your fault it’s mine. It was mine and mine alone.”

She splutters shocked at how he’s seeming to be on the verge of a break down, “Hey-Hey breathe Lucas.” His eyes were watering and he grits out, “Why don’t you hate me? Why are you still so nice to me? Who’s fucking nice to their ex?”

Her eyes widen stunned. Kun clears his throat, “Sir, could you keep it down. Please note this is a professional establishment.”

Lucas snaps, “You-!”

Y/n murmurs, “Hey hey, Lucas please calm down for me?” He looks into her eyes and he can’t help but seem to calm down from her gaze and he murmurs, “Sorry.”

She asks, “Lucas, why? Why are you so mad? Do you want me to hate you?” He stammers, “I-Just-I-no...No I don’t.”

She hums, “You know, I don’t want to hate you. When-when we broke up, honestly speaking I disliked you a lot, I just didn’t get why, but I couldn’t hate you for how you truly felt.”

His heart aches so much. Why did he have to be such a bitch? Why couldn’t he of moved on like any other person? Why is he coming and crawling back to her, like an absolute lovelorn loser.

Kun stands there astounded, “You’re her ex?” Y/n hums, “Kun could we get some privacy? The cats need feeding again upstairs so yeah?” She gives Kun a heart-warming smile. Kun waves and nods going upstairs.

Lucas snaps, “Do you like him?” He slaps a hand over his mouth. Fuck. He didn’t mean to say that. Her eyes widen, “U-Uh- where did that come from, Lucas?”

Lucas painfully grits out, “Just-I see the way you look at him y/n. It was the way you used to look at me.”

She steps back startled by his words and her eyes gloss over as she clutches her chest. Her lips gaping and closing, “I-..Lucas. I-I don’t think it’s any of your business,-“

Lucas frowns, “I’m sorry, I’m just caught up in my emotions.” A single tear threatens to slip out but he tries to remain strong. He murmurs, “I can tell, it’s okay. I’m sorry for coming here and just...being an idiot. I didn’t know what I was thinking.”

She mumbles, “Lucas...do you...do you regret it?” He knew what ‘it’ she was referring to (the breakup.) His voice cracks, “....y-yeah. I do. I miss you so fucking m-much.”

Her eyes widen and she steps back-no almost stumbles back in utter shock. She splutters, “Y-You-!” Her eyes were watering and her bottom lip trembles, “Lucas...I-I’m sorry-!”

He stammers, “I can’t stop thinking about you, I don’t fucking know why, it’s all my fault, I shouldn’t of left you-!” A tear slips down her face, “Lucas! You-You can’t just be saying all this shit to me now! I-? It’s been over a year-you only feel this now?”

Lucas hisses peering away from her and frustratedly runs a hand through his hair, “I...I’m, I don’t know okay.”

Y/n snaps, “You can’t just fucking burden me with that information-I-I, Lucas how long have you felt this way?”

He murmurs peering at the floor, “Two or three months.” She gasps, “What the fuck?” More tears stream down her face, “Lucas why? Everything was fine, I-I-fuck.”

He fucked up. He fucked up once again. He murmurs, “I don’t know, I wanted to just...be with you, hold you in my arms again, but I know that’s a reality that won’t happen again. I regret taking it for granted.”

After a moment of tense silence. She speaks, “Lucas...I-I’m flattered. I...I don’t think I see you that way anymore.”

Well, didn’t life fuck him over even more right now. Used his own words against him in the most cruelest way possible.

She stammers, “I...I’ve moved on Lucas. I can’t do this again and put myself in a low place thinking about you. What we had is over. I can’t do this again.” His heart or what’s left of it shatters. He nods pursing his lips. “Yeah. I get it,” he replies in a hollow tone of voice.

She murmurs, “I’m sorry Lucas...I..I do like Kun. I like him a lot. If I’m being honest, just, I’m sorry. You have to move on, I thought you honestly had. I didn’t think you’d rebound like this. It’s not fair on me.”

He nods once again dully. “yeah. I-I...I’m sorry y/n you don’t deserve this on you. I’m probably just having hard time. I’ll get over it, but I just wanted to check up on the city and you. I’m glad you’re doing well though.”

She awkwardly smiles whilst shuffling on her feet, “Are you sure you wanna leave? You don’t wanna use your full slot-it’s still raining?”

He murmurs distantly, “It’s fine. It’s best if I leave anyway. You can keep the full charge of money for both hours.” He doesn’t look at her but walks towards the door and he hums peering over his shoulder and gives her a final smile, “Good luck with Kun. I give you two my wishes.”

She nods sadly waving as he shuts the door behind him and steps out into the rain.

Lucas walks lonely and melancholy with the rain still as harsh as ever if not harsher than when he walked in. Rain droplets run down face and his strands of hair stick like a magnet to his forehead. The pain emanates in his chest. He felt empty but all set on flames at once.

He knew it was a bad idea to open your memories, to go down memory lane. He should of stayed out.

Lucas peers up at the sky; through the murky coloured clouds he could see the faintest cream coloured circle in the sky. The moon had seemed to show its face earlier than usual today. He lets out a sour laugh, “Oh, you decide to laugh at my misery do you?”

Of course the emptiness of the streets and whizzing cars is the response he gets. He hums putting his hands in his pockets walking and getting drenched solemnly in the rain.

Some things were never meant to happen. Maybe this was one of those things. Something that was just temporary with just a gentle kiss of regret dealing the deal.

After all, a mere human would never be able to reach the moon with it always constantly inching away year by year from Earth.

At the end of the day, they were just two regular people who had a shared memory that lasted as short as the night time did.