#THE CRANE WIVES ARE SO GOOD MORE PEOPLE SHOULD LISTEN TO THEM

[kriscommitscrimes]

crane wives!!!!!! !!!!!!

TYE CRANE WIVES!!! I LOVE THE CRANE WIVES!!!!!!!!!! been listening to all the songs on safe ship, harboured and fool in her wedding gown on repeat :DDDDDDD

[brainr0t-landfill]

🌃 Mercurial

ghoap x male reader

Chapter Four: Nausea

"I will poison all your happy times, I will love you like the ashes in my cigarette box."

-The Crane Wives, Tounges and Teeth

(money insecurity, unhealthy relationship, implied homelessness, anxiety)

The on the road life is better suited for you, you feel more secure with the peeling, old wallpapers of whichever hotel you end up in than the walls you had painted with Johnny the beds reeking of mildew feel more familiar than the wide warm one you used to share with them.

Faces forgotten before you can commit them to memory, places gone with nothing to mourn them by, nightly vigels to the best thing that ever happened to you spent anxiously looking out foggy windows for any silhoutte resembling theirs, listening for uniform footsteps louder than an earthquacke and as familiar as the little compartment you've sewn in your backpack, containing a new ID, fake passoport ,ever-changing burner phones and your unstable money supply.

You're in your element when no one knows you, when people don't commit your face to memory, when they're ingenuine and changing. it's familiar and homey when you know every escape route and every card in the deck, it's not so familiar too with the ever present threat of being found breathing down your neck, you know too well how attached they are and how many strings they have to pull, you've seen it firsthand.

Even then you can't blame them, they fell for someone they thought was good and from this distance it's easier then ever to paint yourself as the villan, the one who stirred the water when all was well, pushed buttons he knew he shouldn't have pushed, tested boundaries that had been set in stone when they were finnaly comfortable, when all was finnaly well.

It started out small, just a way to relieve your tension, just a way to adjust and get some breathing room;

It was the small ritualistic details you started neglecting at first, not stocking the pantry, keeping the house messy before they came home from deployments, not kissing them goodnight or goodbye. They didn't get mad, they didn't even notice, John stepped up readily when you neglected the house and Simon happily went out for groceries whenever you 'forgot', and that set you off worst. The little things you'd built your life, your place in the relationship around where unimportant to them, just something someone else could do without much fuss.

Then it was keeping the door unlocked on the night you knew they'd be coming home, sleeping on the couch by yourself with the excuse of 'feeling smothered', going out and not telling them whene you were going or when you'd be back knowing you were leaving then anxious and frazzled worried for your safety and nothing else, they were good, too good for somone like you. So good that Simon sat you down and explained that he understood you needed some space and that them being gone one day and then then being so present and loud could be hard to get used to.

"Me 'n Johnny just want ya safe angel."

Simon and that understanding smile on his face, always considerate and understanding to the people he loved like a wise parent lecturing a misbehaving yet well meaning child. You spat in the face of that.

"You both are overreacting Si, I know y'all got this skewed view of the world because the military n shit but I'm an adult, I don't need bodyguards."

His face fell, John turned around momentarily to check on the conversation.

"It's not like that, 'n you should know by now. We love you, we want you safe, you're the one with the skewed view and if you keep this bullshit up there's gonna be reprucussions-"

"Simon."

John cut in walking over to the kitchen table and giving him a look, Simon deflated running a hand over his face and you felt the familiar pain of being a disappointment, of misguiding and upsetting. It was wose when you know you love them and do it anyway knowing the things they'd been through.

"Sorry.."

You mumble, his dark eyes soft as they met yours. His bare hands clasped on his lap, he's rubbing his own knuckles.

"Jus' - jus' be safe yeah? Take care o' yourself when we can't, keep our heads clear? For us, angel."

You nodded knowing full well that despite your guilt you had found a nerve and you weren't the good person you had cruelly convinced them you were. You revealed in uncertainties and tension, you hadn't been anywhere this long since your teenage years when you got kicked out. You weren't deserving of this care, this love so you were doing the right thing driving them away or perhaps you just liked being cared for in such avident and raw way either way you were dead weight at best and a parasite at worst.

The tension rose when you kept doing it, John was the first to snap when you introduced them as your friends to some work acquaintances. He broke down, screamed raw and bloody, punched a wall and pulled out his hair as Simon desperately tried to play mediator.

"How could ye?! How fucking could ye, you ungrateful, lying cunt!"

John screamed as you stood leaning against the wall his knuckles were still kissed white and bleeding from the hole they had left in the drywall. His aquamarine eyes squinted and wet, his breaths quick and shallow like a wounded bird.

"We live together! We sleep in the same god damn bed, that's my sweater on ye back, 'n ye sit there and call us your mates?! Yer buddies?! I swear to fucking god ye better have brain damage or I wi-"

Simon grabbed him by the shoulders before he could go on any further. You understood why he was mad, he had opened his heart out to someone he had trusted for so long not knowing he was a snake in the grass, he wanted his love, his safe space, his importance in your life validated especially after all the anxiety you had put them both through with your planned recklessness.

And you broke, in retrospect it could have been so much better if you hadn't, maybe then you'd have some resentfull exs instead of this manhunt with every card stacked against you.

You sobbed, apologized over and over again, promised you'd be better, promised you'd behave, you loved them, you really loved them, the pain in Johnny's voice was unlike anything you'd seen and you meant it too. You didn't wanna be stranded and drifting again, by yourself in the world.

"Ye know we won't ever let ye go angel, promise."

You broke your promises time and time again, they snapped and you broke, but guilt wasn't enough to scratch this constant itch under your skin. Waiting, salivating for when they finnaly got fed up with you like everyone else, it enraged you when they didn't.

Shit hit the fan when you spent two nights at a friend's house and kept your phone on silent, came home with her perfume spritzed on your neck, then you ended up in the cabin and realized some bonds had to be severed phisicaly.

So here you are now, in the roadie lifestyle you're used to, overgrown beard and bloodshot eyes, feet bloody and swollen in your shoes, always cold, always tired, never quite clean. Walking home with a measly paycheck in your pocket and TV dinner in a shopping bag, you're always tense, always on edge knowing full well they've most likely moved on, hopefully.

Life on the road isn't as secure as it used to be, not when their love made you soft and comfortable.

You miss warm beds, you miss a stable job and your warm clean home but most importantly you miss them, you miss them like an amputated limb, like you can reach out and feel the muscles hanging loose, the veins burst and drooling where you hacked them off; it's easier to deal with when you remind yourself people like you don't deserve things like that.

You're just outside your hotel rooms door when some primal, animal instinct straightens your spine, something isn't right.

You look inside from the windows check inside, your measly possessions are all where they ought to be, just when you're about to close to door you see them.

Footsteps, on the snow, big, bigger than yours and deep, pure snow filthied by mud somone tried to cover them up but they're still there.

You can't tell if they're combat boots that John favoured or the hiking shoes Simon sweared by but it sets you off anyways, primal fear and anxiety, restlessness churning in your gut as you pack all of your belongings.

Same game, new rules.

<< Next Chapter / Next Chapter >>

[noogit9000]

Not sure how many tcw songs you've heard but I saw ur post asking for recommendations so here's some of my favs

Little soldiers: I've never been more insane about a song than this song ever. I cant. I cannot. This. This song. I'm so normal about this I swear. Go listen to it if you've haven't

Easier: This one's another one of my favourite of all times. Very sweet and kinda sad. Love it to pieces

Take me to war: !!!! Loved this one even from the first time listening. Songs that make you wanna tear something up. Chew on the furniture. Very funny trivia is that this song is supposingly about arguing with people on the internet despite sounding like it fits a feral fairie biting at god better

Tongues and teeth: Pretty sure if you've done any amount of exploring for ctw songs you've probs heard of this one but it Is Good. Like maybe a bit overrated but you cannot deny it's a good song

And some more obscure songs if you wanna dig a little further

Sleeping giants: songs that make you wanna go barefoot and sprint through the woods at night while howling. Wonderful song. Fell in love the first time hearing it

Rockslide: I like to think of this song as Sleeping Giants's slightly more energetic sister. If rockslide was the hyped-up start of a midnight hunt then sleeping giants would be the victorious whoops as you sprint down the hills with your prize in tow. Do not seperate them.

Strangler fig: okay maybe I just like this song cause it hits a little too close to home but it's also an earworm. Something something to be bitter about being used up or being taken advantage of. Cursing those who have taken you for granted

Ancient history: MY GOD THIS ONE IS GOOD. GOOD GOOD SHIT. WONDERFUL SONG. it's short but so so good. Everyone should listen to this song at least once if not only for that one line "my body's aching like a knock-down drag-out"

Volta: it took me a while to find this song but!!!! It's a very good and sweet song. Something very comforting and happy, which is rare for tcw songs considering how roughly 60% of their songs have something to do with unhappy relationships and the other 30% is just Feral Fae Vibes™

It's a bit of a long list ahaha ^^; but I hope you enjoy the songs!!!!! I'm holding back even more highly recommend songs cause if I named them all we'd be here forever but!!!! If you're interested in more I'm always happy to shoot you another ask with more recommendations :DDD enjoy listening!

I’ve never listened to the Crane Wives before now so I went in blind;

Excellent recommendations, I’d love some more since you mentioned you have more >:]

I haven’t really listened to a lot of the indie folk genre but I’m getting Hades Town/Wolfwalkers vibes and I love it.

I want to go run around in the woods

Delicious

Thank you Anon <3

[sastiel-is-my-serotonin]

Tag game, thank you @samwinchestersleftshoe and @ihopethisnamewasnottaken for tagging me.

Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you want to know better. 

Name: Ave which everyone obviously knows is short for Avenue. You can also call me Lance.

Sign: Aquarius.

Height: 5'6 I think, I don't know, it's been a debate with my family, I was sure I was 5'5 but I was wrong. (Some still insist I am taller than 5'6 lol.)

Birthday: Definitely a day, I've celebrated on here a few times so I'll say it, February 11th.

Time: 2:06

Fave band/artists: Uh, The Crane Wives, Fawn Woods, Florence + The Machine, and Mumford &  Sons, I've been listening to them a lot/have listened to them a lot. 

Last movie: Prey, it feels like I've watched another movie but I think it's because I've been watching a lot more shows recently.

Last show: Reservation Dogs, I know for sure because I asked my cousin if she watches it.

When I created this blog: 2018, my content has changed so much since then. Wow.

What I post: Brainrot. Everything I post is just brainrot.

Last thing I googled: Foods with electrolytes. I was comparing foods that are recommended for getting more electrolytes versus foods that are recommended for hydrating. Then I got distracted.

Other blogs: Ave-the-enby and Tomhollandsfandom which honestly, stick to this blog lol. It's where I'm actually active.

Do I get asks: Sometimes, but I am pretty bad at responding to them. I also just forget about them until much later.

Following: Hehe, no, they're mostly mutuals and I'm keeping my mutuals to myself. (I love you all very much.)

Average hours of sleep: At least one. Idk, we don't have to acknowledge that.

Instruments: I love playing the drums on my knees, but I'm definitely not a professional yet, it's more of a stim than anything. But it's a good one. I've actually gotten crowd participation before (younger siblings copying me)!

What I'm wearing: Tank top and jeans. And blanket because cozy.

Dream job: Writing, super shocking, no one could've guessed. I know, I should showcase my writing more since it's just so rare.

Dream trip: I don't have one.

Nationality: American unfortunately. (The name is unfortunate, being Indigenous to the land is not.)

Favorite songs: Little Lion Man, Nuestro Canción, No Light, No Light, Lonely Road, and Remember Me.

3 Fictional Universes I'd live in: I would never willingly live in any universes with my favorite characters, I'd be dead. And a lot of my favorites are dead in their universes so. You know what, the universe I built in my head for OCs I've never talked about but are so fucking cool, I'd live there. One day I need to ramble about them and their universe.

The hardest part of tag games, the tagging. I'm just gonna tag the first few people who pop in my head who I don't think have been tagged in this. No, I'm not stalling to tag, yes I am, I absolutely am.

@rewrite-the-story @lovedsammy @fae-and-night @raisinghellonstarbug @hanabi-09 @bathtub-rat @eruthiawenluin @birdgirl1772 @thequeenofsastiel

[hinderr]

Hello there 👨🏻‍🦰😋

For the ao3 wrapped ask list, would love to hear your answers for #27, #29, and #30! Have an awesome week ahead! 😘💫💫

HELLO HELLO !!!! IM SO DELIGHTED TO GET THIS FROM YOU OMG!!!

27; What do you listen to while writing? Funnily enough I do make playlists for the piece I'm working on, but don't usually play them- I just play a video from youtube and start off with a song from my work playlist, but then youtube recommendations would usually cover the rest. for my grogu djarin series there's the crane wives (little soldiers), and twenty one pilots (johnny boy), bears in trees (ramblings of a lunatic) and a BUNCH more than I cannot possibly list off all here because my Grogu Djarin playlist spans over 6 whole hours-

29; Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? I'M MEANT TO PICK ONE???? ACROSS 4 WHOLE WORKS?? fuck uh- okay, okay. (FATHER'S SON SPOILERS AHEAD)

There.  Wasn’t that the crux of it all? “I don’t- I don’t know what he’d…say. What he’d think about all of this. What he’d- what he’d do.” Is it shame, that makes him duck his head and cower? Is it grief, that makes him curl into himself — to curl in and never come out, ever again? “He’s my buir,” Grogu says, soft like a whisper. An admission — a confession. “He’s my buir, and I- I love him. But I don’t…know him.”

i was so so happy to finally be able to write this. the idea that after so long you realise that you don't actually know the person who's been haunting you all this time, because you never got the chance to.

there are other lines I liked for the random ingenuity or the way they came out, but this one finally breached that idea and oh I will always love this moment

30; Biggest surprise while writing this year? FUNNILY ENOUGH IT WILL HAVE TO BE MAKING FRIENDS (or at least be mutuals) WITH SOOO MANY PEOPLE THAT IVE ALWAYS ADMIRED FROM A DISTANCE.

i won't tag them but urisarang is a good example, YOU OF COURSE MX KITTYLORIAN (!!!!!!), and even got to interact a bit eggdrawsthings (EGG!!! EGG!!!) and that will always be so so dear to me!!! ALL OF YOU GUYS ARE SO COOL AND THE FACT THAT WE GOT TO INTERACT AUWAUWAGUWGAUWGH !!!!!!!

(links are to each of their profiles that anyone else reading this SHOULD absolutely follow..wink wink nudge nudge)

[thewatercolours]

So back in June I started associating some songs with "Watch Yourself Beg, Holding on to Earth" by @goddessoftechnology, so I made them into a playlist.

Spotify link and notes on the songs under the cut.

--"I've Got No Strings" by A Covering

“At the beginning is a good place. Do you remember how it started?" / Deep breath. You can do this. "Of course. It's the rest of it that's more difficult to recall…"

Think of this as the overture to the playlist.

-- "Chessboard" by Amanda Fagan

It starts with a duel. A duel that quickly turns into something…else. Something laced with a bitter chalky aftertaste, like the cup of raisin juice he drinks.

"I had to lose everything to gain everything. Sometimes you have to leave a knight behind. They all called me insane for how I played the game, But it was worth every sacrifice."

-- "Numb Little Bug" by Em Beihold

"The not caring still lingers, as is its wont. It takes…a while, until he starts to feel cold, before he finally rises. His movements feel slow and ponderous as he pulls on his clothes, washes his face and hands. His morning routine is sheer muscle memory, without any spirit or heart behind it."

"Like your body's in the room but you're not really there Like you have empathy inside but you don't really care Like you're fresh outta love but it's been in the air Am I past repair?"

-- "Pieces de Clavecin en Concerts (Mineur: Prelude)" by Jean-Philippe Rameau

"Manny smiles behind his helmet, a sharp cruel thing. “Today, Merc, we’re celebrating a man’s death.” / He doesn't expect the way that Merc goes pale, startles, slopping wine down his hand. Manny cringes at the horrible manners even as he wonders what shocked him so. He rolls his eyes once he realizes. “Not yours, fool. I still need you.”

This short little piece feels perfect for Manny - it's ominous, it's harpsichord, it's ever so slightly reminiscent of his musical theme from the game soundtrack.

-- "The Moon Will Sing" by the Crane Wives

“Manny.” Graham’s face is pale, but there’s cold anger in his tone. “What did you put in this drink?”

"Tell me once again I could have been anyone, anyone else Before you made the choice for me My feet knew the path We walked in the dark, in the dark I never gave a single thought To where it might lead."

-- "I am the Undertow" by Ginny Di

"The noise in his head fades to be replaced with the roaring of ocean water, water that fills his lungs, cold and nauseating, numbing him inside and out. Quietly, Graham slips down amongst glittering stars and violet waves, sinking into the depths. And he falls until the purple deepens to black, until he can’t hear anything but the dull thrumming of his heartbeat in his ears, muffled and far away."

You must be scared, and you're right to fear. Your mind is racing, seeking escape. Holding your breath - what's left should be dear. Don't bother fighting; now it's too late.

-- "Puppet King" by John Kenzie

"He sees things in the mirror. Shapes, colors. Glittering gold and dull red. The image in the mirror looks back at him through a fog, eyes dull and dazed. Hopeless, empty. A memory flickers of an iron crown and black strings - it floats in his head, unattached to anything else. He doesn’t see himself."

A world ruled by a puppet king

With wooden glazed eyes, only hollow within

One hand raised high to inspire the masses

The other hand behind his back

Fingers crossed and ready to crack

-- "Secret for the Mad" by dodie

"Things will get better, it all seems to say, quiet but confident. Things will get better. I promise. (For now, it's enough)"

"There's nothing to do right now but try There are a hundred people who will listen to you cry And I get that they don't get it But they love you so much that you won't regret it

You're at the bottom, this is it Just get through, you will be fixed."

-- "If I Built My Home from Paper" by Lexie Carroll

“None of us would ever leave you behind,” she says, like it’s a simple truth, as intuitive as the sky is blue. “We would never. That’s a promise I’m making, and I never break a promise. If you can’t believe yourself, believe me, at least.” / And that’s...that’s what breaks him, in the end, has tears flooding his vision before he can blink.

"If I built my home from paper You'd say I'd done my best And when the wolf comes round to blow it down You'd build it back again If I lost myself in longing In the forest of my head Oh your hands are at the ready To take me home again."

And... the story's not finished yet, but I couldn't resist throwing these two in hopefully at the end.

-- "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles

“I gave you an order.” / “Orders are not yours to give.”

"And who cares if you disagree? You are not me Who made you king of anything? So you dare tell me who to be? Who died and made you king of anything?"

-- "Alive Again" by Matt Maher

"No, Manny. It's over! Just as the battle isn't always claimed by the strong, and the race isn't always won by the swift, sometimes the intelligent falter. And I think now is my chance and now is my time. "

"I woke up in darkness, surrounded by silence Oh where, where have I gone? I woke to reality losing its grip on me Oh where, where have I gone?

'Cause I can see the light before I see the sunrise

You called and you shouted Broke through my deafness Now I'm breathing in and breathing out I'm alive again."

[allsassnoclass]

hiii hazel it's been a while i hope you're good! for the asks i'm picking these emojis 💜💚💙 and i'm also asking for your top 5 narnia characters and also top 5 songs at the moment -monse <3

@lukemichaelcalumashton hi monse <3 hope all is well with you!!!

💜 - What Label(s) Have You Identified With for the Longest? asexual! that's my longest label and my main one. the one that feels like home. if i ever shift and realize that i don't fit the technical definition for whatever reason it'd make me incredibly sad to leave behind so i probably won't leave it anyway and i'll just still call myself ace lol

💚 - How many queer people do you know irl? well! my entire high school friend group is queer. i have a picture from my 9th grade birthday party and literally everyone except for 1 person in it later came out as queer in some form. however, i don't talk to most of them anymore because we naturally drifted away, and a lot of my college friends were cishet. however, i do work in theater, so i know a lot of queer people! many many!

💙 - When you first learned about the Queer community, did you immediately realize ‘That’s me!’ Or did you consider yourself a ‘really good ally’ for some time? nope! i didn't realize, and i didn't really consider myself an ally for a long time either (raised catholic, and catholics as a whole have not been as nice towards queer people as we are called to be). it wasn't until i found the label of asexual that i had a lightbulb moment, and it took a while after that before i realized i like girls

Top 5 Narnia Characters

Prince Caspian-is this just because I loved the movie as a kid and he's so so so so cool and also i now associate him with a very close family friend who i love dearly? quite possibly! but that doesn't mean i'm wrong!

Lucy Pevensie-my projection character <3 as the youngest sibling in a group of 4 who looked a lot like georgie henley when lion witch and wardrobe movie first came out, she's always been my character

Reepicheep-he's so cool. he's a mouse with a sword! what more could you want in a character

Jill Pole-yeah this is because silver chair is really the only book that i've technically read (we listened to the focus on the family radio program versions when i was little, but i don't have clear memories of it). i liked her!!! shout out to her!!!

Edmund-character development <3

Top 5 Songs at the Moment

"Curses" by the Crane Wives-bro there's a clarinet. there's harmonies. "ashes to ashes, dust to dust/the devil's after both of us" and the way that it switches to "ashes to ashes, dust to dust/tell me i am good enough" for the last verse???? yes! there's so much character to this song and i love it

"Grudges" by Caroline Kole-I like songs about women getting revenge and this song is perfect for my current blorbo nie huaisang like the lyrics are extremely accurate plus he would definitely exclusively listen to girl pop if he was a modern character

"Sinner" by Andy Grammer-should this song actually be on the list? idk i'm just vibing right now but i like when songs sound slightly western. this song sounds like one that the band train would make

"The Weather" by Lawrence-i remembered recently that this song exists. i love it. it makes me feel things, it's beautiful in it's simplicity, and i just really like lawrence as a band in general

"Sugar Cloud" from Ride the Cyclone-my favorite song from this musical <3 in a show about teenagers who violently died competing to be brought back to life, to have a song so unashamedly joyful and celebrating a completely ordinary life is wonderful, especially taken in context following Constance's monologue

[softichill]

My mother asked if "Chicklet" responded. I told her you did and we both had a laugh. Seems she likes the fact I have an online friend! If only more parents knew friendship doesn't have to be in person. People get pen pals so the disconnect must be with the technology though. Ben. Technology is pretty cool. Also scary but that's because of capitalism. Speaking of technology ( not really but I needed a segue)( I hope that's how you spell that properly) I got so many crying emojis from my mini story! Oh my goodness I am so proud! I wish I could show yoooooouuuuuu..... Pls play the stringy percival. I am dying. Oh no. Look at how dead I am. Fr though, I would love to bounce ideas at cha. I murdered those poor souls at stannarator and this is helping greatly with my creative burn out. As for your creative burn out.... You should draw them inspecting instruments. Perhaps one character sneaking a fry( the French kind not a baby fish) from another's plate while the owner is distracted? Something you could imagine doing or something related to bands would be a good launchpoint. I've seen sploon salps before and those were cool ,if concerning. I wish I could play it already. Not the demo but I wanna go in blind. And today I listened to the doppelganger song but no dice. I'll make it through the backlog, I swear. So today I give you Your Evil Shadow Has A Cup Of Tea from Neil Cicerega. Give me a crane wives song and Ima catch up to where I Should Be. & is a good song. Each time I come back to it.

Screams tumblr didn't give me a notif for this . Also yea it's nice being friends w/ you :Dc I like all my online friends really

I'LL GET TO IT SOON I SWEAR I just gotta ride out fnaf and Splatoon first

Ooo I'll try that!!! Characters looking at things is always fun to draw

Hmmmm for the Crane Wives, how about Tongues & Teeth? Similar lyrics to Curses, tho with a bit of a faster beat. Still very wild-west sounding, but I find it fun :3

[cqsuanla]

fury shakes the rafters

pairing: dark!nat/f!reader

summary:

Aside from the cannibalism, Nat is mostly the same. Still ridiculously strong and stupidly hardheaded. And that face — flinty, cold, mean. Nat’s always been mean. 

(inspired by jennifer’s body)

additional notes: mommy kink, dom/sub, bloodplay(?), dacryphilia, uhh pussy spanking, choking, unhealthy relationship, terrible aftercare

title from a song suggested by an anon: nobody by the crane wives

(ao3)

The light in the stairwell flickers, but it doesn’t make a difference, dim and dirty as it is. It buzzes distantly in your ears. You’re too focused on taking the steps two at a time to notice. You hold your groceries to your chest and fish your keys out of your pocket. If you were strong like Nat, you might just have knocked the door clean of its hinges with the force of your body. Instead, it crashes loudly into your wall, and you nearly fall on your face from the momentum. 

In a bid to gain purchase on your wall, you sweep your coat rack over, and you stumble over it. The clatter makes you wince — you hope she’s in a good mood. It’s hard for her to process stimuli when she’s weak. You scramble onto your hands and knees, shoving scattered boxes and cans into the grocery bag. 

Then, the rhythmic thud-thud of footsteps. You pause, exhaling as your eyes close. 

“Drink?” in a monotone. 

Yikes. You open your eyes, biting your lip. Steel-toed boots. You’ve told Nat a million times that this is a shoes-off apartment. She never listens, and you never argue more. Nat stays; she’s the only one who’ll stay. You can’t drive her away. 

Her right boot rises, scraping against the floor, and you flinch. It just kicks a cereal box away so it can nudge at the shopping bag. The way she says your name, evenly, firmly, has you blinking rapidly, has your hands automatically shooting to the bag, following her prompt. Thank god the bottles are fine. You don’t know what you’d do if they had shattered. 

You wiggle a beer out of the pack, and only then do you dare to make eye contact. 

“Hi,” you murmur. 

She gives you a brief glance, impassive, before snatching the bottle from your hand and returning to her spot on the armchair. “That fucking coat rack.” She flicks the cap off your side table, grungy and scratched up for this very reason. The cap bounces off the wall and disappears under the couch. “Just move it further in. You never listen.” 

You did, weeks ago. You don’t say so. 

The coat rack came with the place, and it was nice, so you refused to get rid of it. Nat hated it, hated that it was so close to the door in your already bite-sized entryway, but never enough to throw it out herself. But you did move it because her complaints were valid, and you wanted her to like being here with you, living here with you. Anyway, she stopped complaining afterwards. Not that you think she noticed — you supposed it was a minor inconvenience to her, the way a fly was, annoying when it was in your face but non-existent once it stopped bothering you. 

Quietly, you move your groceries to the kitchen island, putting everything but your new medical supplies away. There are dirty plates in the sink, which you’ll wash after you make yourself dinner. You wonder what she’s eaten – you’d just bought two new steaks, but Nat likes a bowl of strawberry ice cream now and then.

The TV channel switches in the background. Nat snorts, and you peek around the wall to catch a report on the gruesome series of murders that have been happening lately. People in the neighbourhood hardly went out anymore, too afraid of the dark now. It would scare you too if you weren’t well aware you’d never fall victim. Nat was with you, after all, and you were with her. 

You would be with her for as long as she’d let you. So, what if she was the monster in the dark? So what? It was Nat. Your Nat. She came back to you, talked to you, fucked you. It’s not like she was disembowelling you in some grimy alleyway. She kept most of the violence away from you because she cared. Anyway, like everyone else, she had to eat. You couldn’t fault her for that. 

You’re pulling the gauze out of its packaging when Nat scoffs loudly at the news. They must’ve insulted her because she clicks the TV shut, practically inhales half her bottle and flings the remote onto the couch. 

Then, she sets her sights on you, meek behind the counter, and raises an eyebrow. “Honey, the hall’s a mess. Clean it up.” 

You frown. “You’re still hurt.” 

She rolls her eyes. “I’ll eat tomorrow, and it’ll be fine.” 

You don’t think so. The longer Nat doesn’t eat, the worse it gets. It’s how she’s in this mess in the first place. Nat’s ethereal after a feeding, next to omnipotent. But the guy she picked to eat last week turned out to be some sort of track star because he had booked it at the first sign of trouble, and she’d been forced to retreat when the sirens started blaring. The day after that, she picked a local thug as her next meal, and she’d been caught off guard by the switchblade. So, here she is: slumped on your couch and stitched up sloppily. 

Her hair is limp, skin wane and dry, and in a bad enough mood that you can basically feel it every time you’re within a two-meter radius of her. 

Her physical weakness emboldens you a little, makes you think you can get away with a bit of stubbornness. You pick up the gauze and tape and round the corner. A car speeds by, high beam making Nat’s eyes glint a deep green in the dark. The green follows you the whole way until she has to crane her head around to watch you slip her tank top off a shoulder. 

Those eyes weren’t like that before when you first started dating. You don’t mind the changes, though. Aside from the cannibalism, Nat is mostly the same. Still ridiculously strong and stupidly hardheaded. 

“You don’t want to listen?” she asks, almost conversationally. 

You know better. You clench and unclench your fist. Shakily, you lift it and tuck a hair behind Nat’s ear, hoping foolishly that it will placate her. 

“Baby,” says she, like a gentle mother to a misbehaving child, “you should really listen.” 

You trace the bumps of her stitches, staring hard at her shoulder so you won’t have to see that face — flinty, cold, mean. Nat’s always been mean. 

“At least answer me.” 

“No, Nat,” you mutter, undoing the bandages on her bicep. “I don’t want to listen.”

To her credit, she lets you fix her up. Methodically, silently, you clean her wounds and rewrap them in new bandages. She doesn’t get in the way unless it’s to take a swig of her drink. 

When you’re done with her arms and back, you move to her front. She’s got an ugly gash on her calf, bruised midway from where the man had kicked her bleeding leg. You imagine this is causing her the most pain, not just physically. Nat’s not great with sitting still. She’s independent to a fault, enjoying control to the point that it’s probably some sort of diagnosable complex, and this restriction on her mobility has her restless and irritated. 

Looking down at her, at the space between her knees, you wonder if she’ll cooperate with you. The last time you tried to clean her leg, she’d torn your duvet in half and has since refused to let you look at it. But Nat tilts her head, coy, and gestures toward the space in front of her with her bottle. 

“Scared?” she whispers.

You glance at her face just in time to catch her tongue tracing the jagged end of a canine. Mutely, you shake your head. She smiles wide.

“Liar.”

Of course. You’re always scared of her. For her, too. But you don’t think it matters; it doesn’t change anything. You just want to help her, be good for her. Anyway, she’s trying to get a reaction out of you. You refuse to take the bait, raising your eyebrows and wiggling the bandages in your hand.

“Fine.” With a roll of her eyes, she parts her legs. 

As if dealing with a feral animal, you move slowly, cautiously, afraid to make sudden movements lest she starts getting violent. You squat down and reach for the cuff of her sweatpants. 

“Ah, ah.” She slides the leg back, staring down her nose at you. You pause. “Kneel, baby.” 

Her eyes — did the ring of green get thinner? Your lips part, anticipation beginning to seep into your body, and you comply. Once you’re settled, looking up at her, she makes that same careless gesture with her bottle. A go-ahead. 

As you work, she shifts to put her beer on the table and then combs a hand into your hair. You tense, eyeing her nervously, but she only watches you, imperious, intense, and remains silent. Nevertheless, you pick up the pace, tossing the antiseptic aside and winding the gauze around her pale calf. 

She’s startlingly warm under your hands. Ever since… whatever happened to her — she wasn’t exactly forthcoming with the details — she’s run hotter than ever. You can’t sleep under a blanket with her anymore unless you’re shirtless; the heat would be unbearable. Not that Nat has any complaints about that. 

“All done,” you murmur. 

The lack of reaction from Nat gives you the courage to lean forward and press a sweet kiss to the top of her knee. The hand in your hair rewards you with a gentle scratch, and you can’t help melting into a smile. She’s still got that air of arrogance about her when you look up at her, but she’s not glaring. Which is why it comes entirely as a surprise when she clenches a fistful of hair in her hand, yanking your head back, and slaps you clean across the face with her other hand. 

You take the full brunt of her palm with a cry, almost toppling over were it not for the grip on your hair. Your cheek burns, and so does your eyes. Mostly from pain, partly from the shock of it, maybe a little from shame when you realize you’re getting wet from the rough treatment. 

Nat tuts. “Crying already?” 

You imagine you look pretty pathetic on your knees for her, eyes glassy.

“Don’t give me those eyes, baby; you know I can’t help myself.” 

“I just wanted to help.” 

“I know,” Nat says gently, tipping your head back again so you can see the false sincerity on her face. “You can fix this, you know?” 

Your eyebrows furrow, thoughts racing a mile a minute to puzzle out what she means. 

“Don’t think so hard. You’ll hurt yourself. I’ll show you how, dumb baby,” she coos as she nudges your chin with the knuckle of her finger, and you can’t help flushing deeply at that. Then, she offers a hand, and you take it, and she tugs you up into a straddle on her lap. “Come here.” 

You instinctively wind your arms around her neck, clinging on. Beneath you, she tenses and lets out a low rumbling sound that resonates deep in her chest. You inhale sharply. 

Teeth. Sharpened to deadly points. Poised over your neck. Nat’s breath comes short and hot against your skin, and her tongue, when it peeks out, drags wetly across your skin. 

This has happened once before; the first night she’d come back changed. Like before, she noses at your flushed skin, teasing you with the possibility of damage, and trails her teeth down to your traps. Back then, she hadn’t bitten you. She won’t now, you think, you hope. 

She sighs again, hovering over the meat of your shoulder and prodding her teeth against you. Doesn’t break the skin. 

“Don’t make it worse for yourself. Are you scared?” 

This time, you nod. Nat’s lips curve into a smile, and her hold on your thighs tighten enough to bruise. 

“You should listen, sweetheart,” she says against you. The front of her teeth scrapes over you when she speaks, leaving red marks behind. “I hurt you less when you’re good. Don’t you know?”

“How can you be in the mood?” you wonder, burying your face into the crook of her neck. “You’re half dead.”

“Barely.”

It would take a lot more to kill Nat like this. Anyway, how could you be in the mood when your girlfriend’s cut up like this? 

Nat stands abruptly, ignorant to your yelps and complaints, and dumps you back onto the couch in quick succession. Before you can even register what’s happened, she’s yanked your bottoms down to your ankles and has climbed between your legs. 

Even after that, you don’t get the chance to speak. She wraps her hand around your throat and pins you to the cushions. You grab onto her wrist.

Her body bears down, and you break into a sweat, in small part due to nerves, some part because she’s shoving her hand up your shirt to grab roughly at your bra, but mostly because she’s near scalding. You’re convinced her blood runs at a constant boil now. You’ve grown to love the heat, though. With her, pleasure comes white-hot, and you’d want it no other way. 

“Nat-”

“No,” she growls, and you get an eyeful of her monstrous teeth. She flexes both hands, cutting off your airway and squeezing your breast painfully. You whimper, wound tight as a coil. “Listen to me, baby.”

You look at her through hazy eyes. 

“Those eyes again. God, I love you like this.” Foolishly, your heart clenches at those words. She rucks your shirt up and claws her nails down your front. Beads of blood bloom from the thin scratches she leaves behind. “You’re beautiful when I hurt you.”

Her hand nearly crushes your throat closed, but then she releases you, and you suck air in desperately. Your hands, shaken off her arm, reach for the sides of her head. “Nat,” you croak, tasting the salt from your tears on your lips. “Nat.”

She shakes her head, descending on your chest. It hurts – badly. “Be good for mommy.”

“Mommy,” you gasp out, arching into her mouth. She ignores your pert nipples, electing instead to lick and suck at the burn between your breasts. “Please, please.”

“Shut up,” she hisses. Oh, her teeth are still out. “Hands above your head.”

You obey, another sad sound crawling out of your abused throat. 

The dark pits of her eyes drink in the sight of you, face crumpled in pain and need. A thumb wipes up the last of your blood, and she delights in smearing it across your cheek. 

“Messy baby, clean up after yourself. It’s basic,” she chides, thumb still rubbing at your face as if she were fixing up some runny mascara. “Be good now.”

You don’t dare to speak, just nod and look pleadingly up at her. Your core aches from neglect. 

She makes quick work of that, reaching down to feel the slick between your thighs. Humming, she smirks and very deliberately rubs her middle finger over your clit. You jerk up into her, mouth falling open even as you strangle your moan. 

“I could do anything to you, and you’d still want me.” 

Again, you nod. 

“Where did my little liar go?” she baits. You shake your head. “Say ‘thank you, mommy, for letting me breathe.’”

It takes you a moment to gather the brain cells and say: “Thank you, mommy.”

Her smile widens, teeth back to normal. “Again, for the lesson.”

“Thank you, mommy.”

She brings her hand down on your cunt, full strength. You scream, jolting away from her. Well, you would have if she hadn’t pressed you down by the chest, entirely uncaring about the wound she’d left there. Tears leak out the sides of your eyes, trickling into your hairline. 

“Thank me for that too,” she demands.

“Thank you,” you cry around a hiccup. 

One more spank, and another, and another. Your legs kick uselessly against the cushions, body twisting after every awful smack.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Your hole clenches around nothing, slick leaking onto the couch. Then, two fingers dip into you, and Nat thrusts them up hard and fast. She’d shoved them in on a contraction, and it hurts for a second before she’s curling her fingers into the velvet of your walls. 

She makes a pleased sound. “Tight as always. Makes me want to tear you in half, baby.”

You stare up at the ceiling. “Th-” She starts up a fast pace, digging her fingertips into your front wall. “Thank you!”

Her cheek rests on your chest, listening to the thunder of your heart. “We should try that big one.” Impossibly, your heart rate quickens at the thought, and you manage to shake your head. She laughs, the sound sharp and cruel, and music to your ears. “Maybe another time then.”

She sits up then, still working her fingers into your cunt, and moves her other hand to your mons. She pets gently over your labia, a sharp contrast to the vicious pace she’s keeping up. Your head spins. 

“My baby,” she breathes, “good enough to fucking eat.”

But she parts your folds to press her fingers into your clit, circling them once, twice, thrice, and you’re so close. So desperately close. 

She leans down, near delicate in her movements, and licks into your mouth. You taste copper and beer and the faintest sweetness. Urgently, you try to kiss back. 

If she’s mean, she’d pull back and deny you the chance to come with her mouth on yours. 

She must think that you’ve suffered enough, though, because she rubs her thumb at your clit and drives her fingers deeper into you, and you push up as far as you can into her body with a scream. You’re swallowed in molten heat, pleasure stripping away at you until you’re just bones on the couch. 

When you come to, Nat’s pulling out some bandages for your chest. You’re too tired to do or say anything, forced into silence by her dominance. 

She smiles at you, still not kind, but it doesn’t look bestial like before. Maybe just self-satisfied. She strokes your sweaty hair as she fixes you up, shushing you if you moan quietly from aftershocks or pain. You are in a lot of pain, bruised and scratched up as you are.

“Good girl,” she says when she’s done. 

Finally, you muster the energy to grab her hand and say, “Thank you.”

She lets you hold on for a few seconds before pulling away. “Sure.”

You wish she’d hold you for a bit, but you don’t vocalize it. She’s been through too much in the last few days; you shouldn’t burden her—

“Don’t be fucking needy,” she says, suddenly and harshly. Your face must have given you away. 

“I don’t mean to be,” you mutter, bringing your arm up to cover your eyes. Feeling stupid, feeling mad that you feel stupid, you say: “It would just be nice if you’d stay for a bit.”

A hand grabs your arm, yanking it away from your head, and you’re treated to a view of her scowl. “Where would I go?”

You didn’t mean it that way, but you don’t know how to get out of this hole you’ve dug yourself. “I-I don’t know.”

Out of nowhere, her hand slaps your cunt again, overstimulated, sore, puffy. You groan, curling in on yourself and hugging your knees to your chest. 

“Fuck, Nat.”

She takes the opportunity to sit down on the end of the couch, where your legs once were. The TV turns back on, and you hear her take a sip from her can of beer. “Clean up the hall later.”

At least she stayed.

[mochegato]

Even the Losers

Chapter 19

Thank you guys for your patience!  I took a week of vacation to focus on relaxing and catching up on this fic but I’m a wife and a mom so that’s the exact opposite of what happened.  But I’m back now.  I still won’t have daily updates, but it shouldn’t be weeks in between anymore.

Chapter 1     Chapter 18

Marinette looked up at the Wayne Enterprises building, craning her neck in an attempt to see all the way up.  This was only her second time seeing the building up close and it was no less intimidating the second time around.  There was nothing inherently intimidating about the building. It was large and imposing, but that was the only characteristic that would be considered intimidating.

It was more a feeling, an aura, she got from the name, the history, the expectations and obligations that hit her every time she saw the building.  Like something was weighing down on her for just being in its presence.  Something pushing her away and pulling her in at the same time. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, her eyes never once leaving the building’s façade.

She almost jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder.  “You sure you’re okay with this?” Max asked quietly.  “We don’t have to do this today.”

Marinette shook her head, her eyes still pinned to the building.  “Yes we do. I’ve pushed it off too long already. At this point, I’m getting favoritism by not getting lectured for it.”

Max looked around to make sure nobody was listening.  “If it helps, I don’t think M. Wayne is the type to confront you at work.”

Marinette scoffed and gave him a pointed look. “That is exactly the type of man he is. Confront in a public place where it is likely to create a scene if I say ‘no’ and ask me to speak with him in a more private venue.”

Max gave her a small sympathetic smile.  “Bad time to mention that you appear to have similar approaches to confronting people who are avoiding you?”

Marinette glowered at him, but only slightly.  He wasn’t wrong.  She was usually the one doing the avoiding, but if she had to confront someone who was proving elusive, such as when she had approached M. Fox the first time, it was an approach she would take.  Didn’t mean she liked it.  Either the tactic or the similarity in thinking process… or maybe she did like the similarity.  It was a link to him.  A subconscious, constant, unchanging connection to her biological father.

“I just mean to point out that if you do think alike, then you can anticipate his next moves and plan accordingly.  You can use it to your advantage.  You’re Harry Potter to his Voldemort,” Max offered with a supportive smile.

Marinette blinked a few times before turning to him wide eyed.  “Did you just compare your boss, my biological father, to Voldemort?”

Max’s eyes widened in realization.  “I… no… I… what I meant…”  

He was cut off by Marinette’s laughter.  It took several minutes for the laughter, loud enough to draw the attention and gawking of employees passing them by as they made their way into work, to die down enough for her to eke out words.  “First a snake, now Voldemort.  The man cannot get a break.”  She wiped away the laughing tears from her eyes.  “At least nobody’s compared him to Umbridge yet, so there’s that.”

She finally settled enough to pat Max on the back, her expression still amused, a wide smile on her lips.  “Thank you, Max.  I’ll consider that.”  She turned back to the building and her bright smile dulled until it disappeared.

Max frowned at the change.  He was very familiar with Marinette’s anxiety, it was an integral part of who she was.  It had been since he first met her.  But he had yet to figure out how to get her out of it.  Alya and Adrien were always so good at getting her out of her head. What would they do?  Max stared at her while he tried to remember how Adrien and Alya responded to Marinette’s anxiety spirals.

They had already reached the front steps before he decided however they would respond that wasn’t him.  He pointed out facts then let people make their decisions based on the information. Then they might, or if it were Kim definitely would, make a stupid choice, but at least they had the information beforehand.  “If it helps, M. Wayne used to walk through the department twice a day.  But the last few days he’s only seen him in the afternoon, so I don’t think he will be there this morning.”

Marinette looked down, tapping her fingers together, avoiding his eyes.  She closed her eyes and mentally berated herself.  Why was she still such a coward?  Avoiding her problems as though that had ever made things better for her. Avoiding Luka after they broke up just made him feel terrible and made her feel like a horrible person.  And here she was doing the same thing, like she hadn’t learned a damn thing.  She needed to talk to M. Wayne eventually, she knew that, she just didn’t know what to say or how to make it better yet.

She finally looked up guiltily at Max.  “I’m sorry.  I’m just not ready to see him yet, I haven’t figured out what I want to say, so that does help, knowing I still have time.”  She let out a deep breath and squared her shoulders before making her way to the front door.

They slowly made their way to the elevator, focusing on each other and their path to the elevators, pretending like they didn’t see the people staring at her and whispering to each other.  Once they were alone on the elevator, nobody to overhear their conversation, Max spoke up.  “Maybe,” Max started quietly, “maybe, you don’t need to know what you want to say.  Maybe you should let him say what he wants to say and go from there.”

He looked up at Marinette, a slight furrow in his brow.  “From what you and Adrien said, it sounds like he may have some questions or may want to apologize.  You had the last word, perhaps it would be most appropriate and in spirit of the rules of conversation to allow him the first in the next conversation.”

Marinette nodded at his reasoning.  He was right.  M. Wayne likely had a lot of questions and she hadn’t exactly let him have a say in their last conversation, perhaps it was only fair to allow him to have his say this time.  She gave him a resolute nod and stood up straighter.  “You’re right, Max.  I should let him decide the next steps.  I decided the last ones.”

Max turned and shook his head.  “No.  That is not what I am saying.”  He looked her in the eyes for a moment before looking away and fixing his glasses.  “What I meant to insinuate is it doesn’t have to all be on you.  You don’t have to take responsibility for everything.  There are two people in the conversation, in the relationship.  You don’t have to take responsibility for moving either forward. He is responsible as well.  You shouldn’t take it all on your shoulders.”

Marinette opened her mouth to say something but closed it quickly, not entirely sure what she wanted to say to that.  She was saved from having to respond by the elevator doors opening.  She stepped off and turned to Max with a plastered on smile.  “Ready?”

Max looked down into his bag and raised his eyebrows at Markov as he stepped off the elevator.  Markov displayed down-turned eyes and a frown.  “Right, well,” Max started, much too loudly.  He stood up tall and adjusted his glasses as Markov flew up next to him.  “I promised to show you around the department.  Come on, they’ve made some great progress.  You should see the plans.  You might have insights on the different directions we’ve been considering.”

The tour was short, it wasn’t a large department, but extremely enlightening.  They were already making great progress.  There was a mountain of failed prototypes with in depth analytic reports on their development and why they failed, ways to change it for the next attempt.  There weren’t many employees in the department and they all smiled at Max and Markov as they passed and gave friendly nods. It seemed like nobody was upset that their former head of the department had been ousted and had welcomed Max with open arms.

“Ms. Dupain Cheng,” Lucius called out, making his way off the elevator and toward her and Max.  He smiled warmly at Marinette and clasped her hand between his to shake it.  “It’s been too long.”

Marinette chuckled and leaned up to kiss his cheek. “It’s been like three days since we talked.”

Lucius grinned.  His eyes gleamed with a mischievous glint that reminded her of the sweet older men who would come into the bakery and “flirt” innocently with her maman and her when she was older but then wax poetic about their wives, their entire faces brightening when their wives joined them. “Like I said, too long.” He chuckled along with Marinette and backed up a step.  “Thank you for meeting me here.  I trust Mr. Kante and Markov showed you around the department and pointed out your office.”

“They have,” Marinette looked at Max and Markov with a smile.  “It looks like they’re in good hands.  I don’t think I’ve seen Max this giddy since he got a tour of CERN.”

“That is great to hear.  And did he run over the different options we’ve been discussing?” Lucius motioned toward the white board and neatly stacked piles of reports on the tables next to the board.

“He did,” Marinette assured him, her face turning serious as she looked at the piles of reports.

“Very briefly,” Max added.

Marinette kept her eyes focused on the whiteboard, looking over the bullet points of their conversations.  “They are very ambitious plans.  It will certainly be a challenge for designing and a lot to consider.”

“In any way in particular?” Lucius prompted.

Marinette considered his question for a few moments and looked between Max and Lucius.  Max nodded to her.  She nodded back.  “If you're talking about changing the rigidity of the fabric, then I’ll need to consider how that will affect the shape.  If I have it molded to a person's body when it's soft, when it gets stiff it won’t bend the same way, so it’ll lose that shape. I’d have to figure out how to make it still work.  

“We should really discuss intentions for the clothes so I can design appropriately and we can make sure there is a market for the clothes.”  Lucius looked at her curiously.  “How large of a difference are you thinking?  Because the larger the difference, the more difficult to design, but also to wear.  Unless you have some way that you're keeping it in shape regardless of how rigid it is. So you need to figure out if that is an important issue for you or not.  Also, thread.”

“Thread?”  Max blinked a few times

“Thread,” Marinette repeated with a curt nod.  “The thread I use on say silk is a lot more delicate than the thread I use on jeans or leather.  Those materials are stiffer and harder and need thicker thread to hold them.  But I can't use thicker thread on things like silk because it weighs the fabric down too much and ruins the shape, so you need to think about the thread.  It needs to be something that can work with delicate fabric but will still hold without breaking when the fabric changes.

“Also color.  If you are going to change the fabric color, then the thread will likely have to change as well.”  She looked between the two men.  Max was staring toward the white board with the algorithms on it in contemplation. Lucius pursed his lips as he looked at the desk.  Marinette rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet.  “But that’s just off the top of my head.  I can come up with more insightful once I’ve had more time to think.”

“That is quite a lot to consider,” Lucius nodded, finally looking back at her.  “Those are important points we hadn’t yet considered but will have to be incorporated immediately.  Thank you. I would very much like to discuss this further, but with more of the project involved and give you time to review some materials.  Would you be available on Monday?  That should give us and you time to prepare to discuss the options.”

Marinette frowned and pulled out her phone to see her calendar.  “That should work.”  She scoffed and waved her phone helplessly.  “I pull this out like I’ve been putting anything in my calendar on it.  We’re in Metropolis this weekend.  I should be back by Monday.”

“Monday it is,” Lucius agreed.  “Now that that is settled, I’d like to talk about logistics, setup, and ask a few questions up in my office.”  

Marinette’s smile immediately dropped.  She froze, her eyes widening.  “Oh… um…  That sounds…”

Lucius looked around the room to see who was looking their way and who might be listening in.  He lowered his voice until only she and Markov could her and leaned slightly closer.  “Mr. Wayne hasn’t been in before noon the last few days.  I happen to know he has asked his PA to reschedule his morning appointments for today as well.”  He shrugged and leaned back, keeping his voice low.  “No real importance to that information just that there’s nobody up there with whom I can drink tea and it is about tea time for me.”

Marinette let out a small breath and gave him a grateful smile.  “Thank you. I’d love tea.”

Lucius motioned toward the elevators.  “Shall we?”  He fell into step beside her.  “We assume you won’t spend much time in your office, but it is fully equipped in case you would like to use it or split your time.”

“Thank you,” Marinette nodded lightly.  “I haven’t decided what I want to do yet.” She looked up at him uncertainly. “Or what the contract would allow.”

Lucius grinned as he walked off the elevator on the executive floor.  “It is a partnership with a designer, not employment.  You are working with us, not for us.  As long as we can contact you and get the fabric to you, we will allow whatever you need, Ms. Dupain Cheng.”  He nodded to Bruce’s PA.

“Mr. Fox,” Bruce’s PA called out.  “I wanted to double check that the new time works for your meeting today with Mr. Wayne.”

“Yes, Mr. Cortland.  The new time is fine.  I’ll be in my office for a bit.  Can you send someone to bring in some tea for us please?”  Mr. Cortland nodded and sat back down, picking up the phone to make the arrangements.  Lucius opened his office door and motioned for Marinette to enter.  After she had taken a seat at the small conference room Lucius watched her with a concerned look for a few seconds.  “So is the trip to Metropolis for business or pleasure?”

“A bit of both,” she smiled at him.  “Metropolis is one of the places we’re considering moving to so we want to look around and see if it’s some place we would like to live. Really, it’s just touring around the city.”

“You’re still deciding on where you want to live then,” he noted.

Marinette started to respond but paused when a man came in with a tray with a tea kettle and cups.  She thanked him and waited until he’d left before speaking more about her plans.  “We’re still thinking, yes.  We’re not extremely excited to live in New York.  Honestly, I think if we like Metropolis well enough this weekend, we might make the decision.  Assuming Adrien gets offered the position he applied for, which I am.”

Lucius nodded as he took a sip of tea.  He quirked his head to the side as he considered her answer.  “Metropolis is certainly more manageable than other options, workwise, I mean.  We could still have some in person meetings. Getting fabric to you would definitely be easier than say Paris, but we can push off making a decision on the logistics on that.  Until then, let’s make sure you have access to the network.  We’ll talk to Mr. Cortland about it when we’re done with our tea.”

Marinette smiled at him and took a sip of her tea. Lucius watched her for a moment, drinking more of his tea as well.  “You know,” he started slowly, “Metropolis is close enough, you could choose to live between there and Gotham and be close enough for both of you to commute, him to Metropolis and you to Gotham… if you wanted to base your company here.”

Marinette froze momentarily, her lips perched on the edge of her teacup.  She set the cup back down without taking a drink.  She stared at drink for a few seconds before shaking her head.  “I don’t think basing my operation in Gotham is a good idea,” she said quietly.  She looked up at him with a smile and immediately looked away.  The smile was supposed to be confident, quirky, not shaky. She took a moment to breathe and refocus.

“I’m trying to build my own brand without depending on M. Wayne.  I’m going to face enough criticism and skepticism as it is without setting up my company ten feet from his.”  She looked back at Lucius with a steely resolve.  “I’ll finish my contract to the best of my ability.  I’ll work with you in the future, not doing so would be business suicide, but I think a little bit of space might be good… for us both.”

Lucius gave her an understanding look.  He knew something had happened.  There was a reason Bruce was no longer coming in in the mornings and looked like Tim after a research bender when he finally did come in, like he had been up all night protecting someone.  But he had also seen Tim’s reactions to him, the disappointed, frustrated, annoyed looks and passive aggressive comments about communication. All of which means Bruce was brooding and not talking to Marinette about it.

He swirled the tea in his cup.  “You know, Bruce takes protecting those around him very seriously.  He’s lost so much and is terrified of losing more.  He’d give everything he has, everything he is, to protect someone he loves. But he also takes on all the guilt when he failed.”

Marinette sighed deeply and looked away, her eyes suddenly desolate.  “He told you about dinner,” she said quietly.

Lucius frowned at the implications of her statement. He’d guessed Bruce had started brooding because of the Riddler incident, but clearly there was something more going on. “No.  I didn’t know about dinner, I just know Bruce.  I know his guilty brooding.  I also know Tim and his disappointed anger at Bruce.”  He leaned in closer toward her conspiratorially despite her not looking at him, hoping it would still get a smile out of her.  “I’ve seen it a lot.”

He leaned back with a gentle smile.  “So I don’t know what happened, but I know Bruce feels like he failed you.  Which means he’s afraid of saying or doing something to make it worse, so he’s probably avoiding you, which is probably making it worse.”  He faced her with a frown.  “Because the worst thing in his mind is hurting you.”

Marinette continued staring at the cityscape outside the window and took a long sip of her tea.  “That’s an awfully proper and long winded way to say ‘he had a reason for being an asshole and you should excuse him for it.’”

“Well, I do strive to be proper,” Lucius chuckled mirthlessly.  “But I never said you should excuse him for it.  I suppose it's something that the rest of us have learned to accept about him.  We put up with it, but that doesn't mean you have to.”

“The problem is…” she quirked her lips as she sought the words to properly express her thoughts, “everyone keeps explaining why he acts the way he does as though that makes it okay, as though there’s some obligation on me because of it.  Like understanding it means I have to build a great relationship despite it.  But… there has to be trust somewhere in there too, doesn’t there?  Understanding, compassion, those are supposed to go both ways, aren’t they?  Everyone’s asking me to be more understanding, more forgiving, but nobody’s asking the same of him.  It isn’t supposed to be the job of the child to do all the work.”

“He does get asked to do that.  You don’t see it, but he is getting asked.  I assure you his other children are making their positions clear,” Lucius assured her softly.  “And I assure you he knows he isn’t doing what he should, but he is trying.”

Marinette scoffed.  “He’s shit at it.”  She took a long sip and watched some birds flying outside the window.

“I don’t disagree.”  Lucius fought keeping the amused tone out of his voice, but it was a hard fight.  “This whole situation is filled with everyone trying to do the right thing but failing… constantly, talking past each other, working past each other, sacrificing parts of yourselves thinking it will help, but it really just hurting everyone. It’s a comedy of errors.”

“Except it’s real life, and in real life it isn’t so funny,” Marinette whispered.  She stood up and moved to the window, crossing her arms over her chest protectively.

“No, it isn’t,” Lucius agreed softly.  He quietly rose up and stood next to her at the window, keeping his gaze focused outside the building.  “Real life is work.  Real life is hard.  Real life hurts.  Real life is less than ideal almost always.  This situation isn’t ideal, but it doesn’t have to be abysmal either. You can choose to make the best of it.”

“But what’s the best that this situation can be?” Her voice was so quiet Lucius almost didn’t hear it.

“That is up to you and Bruce to decide.”

“It’s not just us though, is it?” she noted quietly.

“This part is,” Lucius assured her.  “This part is just between you two.  Your relationship with your siblings is separate and you can work that part out with them.  One doesn’t have to affect the other.”  He chuckled lightly, his eyes unfocusing slightly as he remembered something.  “The other children have proved that well enough.”

She looked out to the skyline again, letting his words settle in, considering what they meant and if she believed them.  “How do you forget?  How do you move on?”

Lucius shook his head gently.  “Moving on isn’t about forgetting.  It’s about learning and adapting.”

Marinette finally looked over at him, her eyes pleading, looking more lost than he had seen her look before.  “But what’s my lesson?  What is it I’m supposed to learn here?”

Lucius’ lips turned up into a sympathetic smile. He laid a hand on her shoulder.  “I can’t answer that.”

She shook her head and looked out the window again. “Because the only thing I see so far is that I shouldn’t trust M. Wayne.  That I’m never going to be…” she sighed heavily and looked down.  She took another deep breath and looked back up.  “Weren’t there setup issues we had to resolve?”

Lucius stared at her for a few seconds, compassion shining in his eyes.  “Yes we do,” he nodded lightly allowing her to change the subject.  He patted her on the back and encouraged her toward the door. “Let’s get you in the system so you have access to the building and a secure email.  We’ll order a laptop for you too so you can access the documents on the network.”

“Mr. Cortland,” he called out.  “Can you get Ms. Dupain Cheng set up with a secure laptop with access to the network and the basic programs installed, please?  And request an email for her.”

“Of course, sir,” David nodded to Lucius and started typing.

“Did you say Dupain Cheng,” a new voice spoke up. Marinette picked up on the excitement and interest in his voice with extreme apprehension.  Marinette whipped around to the new voice.  She looked over to Lucius to see how he responded.  Her shoulders relaxed when she saw his easy smile.

“Mr. Dowd,” he held his hand out to him, “it’s good to see you again.”

“Yeah,” Mr. Dowd gave him a bright smile. Marinette stared at him curiously. He was about her age and was too excited and happy to be an employee.  Not that the Wayne Enterprises employees she’d come across so far hadn’t seemed happy or excited about their projects, but they had a professional demeanor that Mr. Dowd didn’t seem to share.  “It’s always good to see you.  How’s Luke?”  He looked between the two of them though his eyes lingered on Marinette as if waiting until it was polite to start talking with her.

Lucius chuckled.  “He’s doing well.  He is supposed to come visit next weekend.  I’d like to say it’s because of me, but I believe he has a date or two planned with Ms. Gordon.  But let me introduce you to Ms. Dupain Cheng.”  He motioned to Marinette.  “Mr. Dowd, this is Ms. Dupain Cheng.  Ms. Dupain Cheng, this is Mr. Dowd.”

Bernard rolled his eyes.  “Please call me Bernard.  I’m Tim’s boyfriend.  It’s really nice to meet you.  I’ve heard a lot of great things about you.”  He held his hand out to her.

Marinette immediately relaxed and shook it.  That explained the excitement and interest. It wasn’t a random person wanting a scoop on the Wayne family, it was someone wanting to get to know his boyfriend’s family.  “It’s really nice to meet you.  I didn’t even know Tim was dating.”  Her eyes widened immediately.  “Not that he doesn’t talk about you!  I just haven’t had the chance to really talk to him yet.”

Bernard smiled at her for a few seconds.  He shifted back and forth on his feet awkwardly. Marinette opened her mouth to tell him she had to get back to work when Bernard spoke up.  “Hey, Tim and I were going to get lunch in his office.  Want to join us?  We were just ordering from the cafeteria because he has a meeting scheduled in like an hour.  We can add something for you.”

Marinette looked over to Lucius anxiously.  Lucius smiled at her and nodded in understanding. “We don’t have much more to finish, just waiting for the laptop to arrive.  There’s no reason for you to sit around and wait.  Go ahead.”

Marinette’s eyes widened.  That wasn’t what she wanted him to understand!  That wasn’t what she was trying to communicate to him. She hadn’t had really talked to Tim and every time they were close he froze up or got so tense she swore he was going to give himself a headache.  Spending time with him and his boyfriend while he acted like everything was okay wasn’t going to end well for either one of them.  She narrowed her eyes at Lucius.  She honestly wasn’t sure if he misunderstood the source of her anxiety or if he knew what it was from the start and decided to ignore it.

Marinette turned to Bernard with a forced smile but it relaxed into a soft smile when she saw how excited he was to spend time with her. “That sounds really nice.  Thank you, Bernard.  Please call me Marinette.”

“Awesome, Marinette,” Bernard’s grin was a brilliant as Adrien’s and Marinette couldn’t suppress the giggle that came out.  He led her toward Tim’s office.  “By the end of the day, I’m going to get you to let me call you Mari.  That’s the new goal for the day.”

Marinette tried unsuccessfully to suppress a snort. “And what was the old goal?”

“Prove the Miraculous team in France are actually fae,” he answered with conviction.  He looked over at her, his face somehow becoming even brighter.  “Hey, you’re from Paris, right?  Maybe you can help answer some questions for me.  This is perfect.”

Marinette stared at him wide eyed, frozen in place until Bernard looped his arm around hers and gently pulled her toward Tim’s office. Marinette chuckled and shook her head. She needed to record this conversation. Alya was going to die laughing.

Chapter 20

Tags:

@maribat-bdbwm @jayjayspixiepop @redscarlet95 @alice-hazelwood @deathssilentapproach-blog @unoriginalmess @alyssadeliv @emotionalsupportginger @frieddonutsweets @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @toodaloo-kangaroo @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @iloontjeboontje @wolf-for-life @maribatserver @aespades @prettylittlebutterflie @imarivers8  @ certainmuffinbagelcalzone @ritacrow-blog @unoriginalmess @demonicbusiness @kking13 @lady-bee-fechin @blur-of-colours @kittenmywaythrulife @kashlyn @loysydark @nerd-nowandforever

[k1nky-fool]

What? You thought I was just going to be satisfied with 5 very pretty women??? Absolutely not, so ANOTHER ROUND

Pepper-🌙🎵🌠💤🕷️🌌💚✏️

Mystique-🎨🎵🌠💤😭🌱🌌🖍️😨

More Devo!!!!-🎵🚆🌠🥞🌱🌌💚🎁

Your Choice!!! - 🌙🎨🎵🌠🥞🕷️🌌🔥🎁😨 (note that this can be for any of them you can mix and match all of these don't have to be just one character if you think somebody will fit better for a question go for it I love all of them)

I finished this last night, but I wanted to make sure I could format everything right, so here it is!

OC Ask game!

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

Pepper - Honestly, she just wants to see her daughter grow into a powerful, confident, and strong woman. Pepper has her priority list straight. She chose to be a mother to Sketch because she wanted to be, and her daughter is the most important person in her life. She might be employed by Silco, and she might be the closest thing Sevika has to a sister, but she would shoot both of them if she had to choose between either one of them or Sketch.

My Choice! Mania - She wants her fucking planet back. Though, Mania is not under any impression that she can do this alone. She'll stay with whoever is willing and able to help her, and should either their willingness or ability change, she is prepared to find the next person that can help her accomplish her goal, even if it does hurt.

🎵 MUSIC NOTE - what is their playlist like? their favourite artists? do you associate a particular song with them?

Pepper - To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Pepper's playlist is mostly acoustic country music. Mostly the ones about women killing their husbands and destroying the body by dumping it in the pig pen. If I were going to choose a song mostly based on her music taste, I'd say I associate the song Pressure Cracks by Poor Man's Poison is a song I associate with her. But based on my music taste, I tend to listen to Villain by K/DA for her.

Mystique - Very villainous and jazzy vibes for her. She likes songs that make her feel powerful and in control. A song I associate most with her is Yes Mom by Tessa Violet.

Devo - She's a big fan of more swing-like songs. Something that makes her tap her feet and drum along her desk with her pencil. A song I associate with her is Curses by Crane Wives.

My Choice! Sketch - High energy hip-hop/rap. It's one of the biggest disagreements between her and her mom, Pepper. What can I say, she's just a high enenrgy kinda gal. A song for her is Want it Here by Xenia Pax.

🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?

Pepper - wishes for a fucking break.

Mystique - She'd wish for the death of many people, and to be queen of her own empire, but for now, she'll settle for owning her brothel and keeping her employees safe while they work.

Devo - She wants Grayson back. Devo was only in her care for five years, but she was still the closest person she ever had to a mother. If she can't have her back altogether, just being able to show Grayson how she's grown and what she's accomplished would be enough for her.

My Choice! Minute - Mita also wants a break, but really, she wants to pass her skills down to someone that will actually use them for good. Give them her swords, let them paint her mask, and watch them change the world in a way that she never could.

💤 SLEEPING - do they fall asleep easily? what helps them sleep?

(I'm adding a My Choice to this one because you can't stop me)

Pepper - She is a very light sleeper, largely because she's had to worry about all kinds of dangers for as long as she can remember. Pepper is a very physically affectionate person, so having someone cuddle up with her and fall asleep first helps her sleep a little deeper.

Mystique - She's quite overworked, so usually, she'll fall asleep fast if she's idle for too long. Though, if you're someone she trusts, and you're trying to get her to sleep off some stress, give her a drink, and just stick around to let her know she's allowed to give herself a break.

My Choice! Devo - There's a reason she stays up for so long, and that's because she sleeps heavier than the dead. To get her to actually take a goddamn nap, gently brush her hair, and braid it for her, and if you're close, maybe some cuddles will help.

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

Pepper - There ain't much that scares Pepper, but she is a little superstitious, so anything that looks like some spooky shit is immediately out of the question for her. Though, her biggest fear is ever doing something that hurts Sketch. Which is why she's always as clear as possible with her daughter.

My Choice! Aneliya - She would be lying if she said she wasn't thrilled that there are no roaches on Mars. Though her biggest fear has to be losing her sister, Devora. Liya has committed her life to studying the field of neurocybernetics because she needs to stay one step ahead of Devora's disease. Her worst fear is falling behind and losing her sister because she wasn't good enough.

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

Pepper - I wish I had a long and thoughtful process for the creation of Pepper like I do for some of my other OCs, but I really don't.

Pepper was actually created as part joke, and part challenge. You've probably noticed that characters with southern accents, and a "try be, bitch" attitude are not usually taken seriously. Usually I make the character then decide the type of person they'd fall in love with, but Pepper was created backwards. I saw Silco and tried to figure out what kind of character he would fall in love with. Then I decided I wanted her to have a southern accent, because that idea was just silly to me.

I figured Silco would fall for a woman that wouldn't take bullshit, and would fight him for control until they actually trusted each other. The accent made it easy to build her personality, and that's how we got Pepper.

Mystique - She was actually my first Arcane OC! When I originally made her, I thought she would make a good pairing for Silco, but I got maybe 100 words into that fic before I realized Silco wouldn't trust her if his life depended on it, and I had definitely created an aromatic icon with Mystique.

Mystique was my Mary Sue Self Insert OC, and I'm totally fine with admitting that. I literally made her the way she is because that's who I'd want to be in the Undercity. I'd want to be a powerful brothel owner with a buff girlfriend and a god complex.

I did have a few drafts of Mystique before I eventually landed on my final image of her.

But in the end, I landed on a similar idea, and I'm happy with who she is. I ended up following the color pallet from that second picture.

Devo - The third OC I made for Arcane, but she was the first one I ever made for a specific kind of romance story. Both Mystique and Sketch were just made for the hell of it, but Devo was made to write a romance.

I personally started simping for Viktor, and I also tried to figure out the kind of girl he would fall in love with. The first roadblock I hit with Devo, was realizing that the only way I could write a believable romance with Viktor, was if I focused on making a character before I focused on either of their romantic aspects because that's how the characters are.

I don't have any early drafts of Devo. I seemed to have just hit her right on the mark on the first try. I knew I wanted her to be a scientist like him. I knew the most valuable thing in a relationship for Viktor and Devo would be for their partner to know that their work is the reason they get out of bed. I decided she would be obsessively neat, and somewhat skittish. I wanted her to be quite obviously neurodivergent, probably with both ADHD and Autism. And I knew I wanted her to be from the Undercity. I realized that she and Viktor would have a lot of the same reasons for the choices they make, but that they would always choose to do different things.

Viktor choosing to be an unstoppable force, Devo choosing to be an immovable object. And from there, the two would fall in love.

Fun fact about Devo: I actually stole her name from a different OC of mine. Aneliya's sister is named Devora, and in that story, she is also referred to by "Devo." I just sort of created her. And no other name stuck to her, so now I have 2 Devos.

My Choice! Sketch - She was actually the second OC I ever made for Arcane, and yes, she was just made for the hell of it. It was trying to make a character that was just a while fucking bastard of a girl, and I ended up with Sketch.

She pretty much started and ended in the same place visually, but I'm happy with where she ended up.

I didn't start adding other aspects to her character until I was making other OCs and thinking about other characters. I didn't think of writing her mother until I made Pepper, and realized how similar the two were, so I added a familial tie. I didn't know I wanted her to fall in love with Ekko until I accidentally realized that he was just sort of her dream boyfriend, and I left that open for her to be friends with Scar. I didn't know I wanted her to be trained by Mita and be her successor until I realized that Mita would definitely be the one to take care of Ekko after Benzo died, and therefore might see that Sketch, Ekko and Scar could make a good change in the world. And from there I was able to add to both Pepper and Sketch's stories.

But Sketch was honestly a very simple OC to make. She just sort of writes herself.

💚 GREEN HEART - what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food?

Pepper - There's something to be said about how comfortable any one person can make her feel. It's very rare that someone shows her enough loyalty for her to trust them at all, but when she does, it's not hard to make her comfortable with witty banter or an intimate conversation.

Devo - A few asks ago, I mentioned that her love language was Quality Time. That's still how to make her the most comfortable. Honestly, the best thing you can do to make her comfortable is be her body double. Let her work, and obsess over what she's doing, maybe listen when she wants to rant about her special interest, and she'll listen to you rant about yours. When you know she needs some sleep (see, 💤) gently brush and braid her hair and offer some cuddles, and she's sleepy putty in your arms.

✏️ PENCIL - is there a particular quote / lyric that you associate with them?

Pepper - We could just walk away, or save it for another day. And if this feeling grows at all, we can just step back and watch the castle fall.【...】Throw it away. Make your move and then make my day. (Pressure Cracks by Poor Man's Poison).

🎨 PALETTE - can they draw? what do they like to draw?

Mystique - She is not very talented in the visual arts area, so she doesn't really draw. Though, I will say, she occasionally doodles little animals on the margins of her paperwork.

My Choice! Maeko - She isn't the type to take her artistic talents very seriously, but she likes to draw various flowers and leaves with Kazu, and he likes to try figuring out what real plant is closest to what she drew. It's just a fun little activity they do to pass the time, and she's gotten pretty good at drawing plants because of it.

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

Mystique - It takes a lot of pressure to make her cry, but one thing that will always make her cry with guilt is failing to protect one of her employees. Owning a brothel is hard work, and her first concern is always making sure the sex workers under her watch are safe. It doesn't happen often because she takes detailed care of her employees, but when even one falls through the cracks, it never hurts any less.

🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood?

(Warnings: Devo's mentions childhood abuse, and how I go about writing it. This is your first warning, but if at any time you feel you aren't in a place to finish reading it, then I will be happy with your choice.)

Mystique - Her realizing that she was aromantic. She was maybe twelve, and a friend of hers was trying to ask her if she had a crush on anyone, and Misty had no idea what he was talking about. She had never felt the way he described a crush feeling like, and when she asked her older friend, she just said that not everyone feels the same about romance in their life, and if she didn't feel any kind of romantic attraction to anyone, then she might be aromantic. It made sense to her, and that hasn't changed, even well into her adulthood.

Devo - Memories from her childhood are not great, and I'm still trying to find a way to write about her past experiences with her trauma in a respectful and impactful way. Usually I settle on writing a balance between how that experience affects her life, and I choose to focus on how she's recovered and how she's found out how to live her life without letting her abuser define her life. I do that by not giving them any identification or details about that time in her life, only showing it from her perspective of recovery. Because that was a detail in my own life that I want others to treat with respect in their stories. I'm trying to lead by example to other writers regardless of who actually follows me.

That being said, the only thing from Devo's childhood that stands out in her own mind, is her standing in front of her old house in the undercity, watching it go up in flames at the age of sixteen. It was the last connection to her abuser that someone might find, and watching it be reduced to ash in a violent rage was like a world of weight being burned off her shoulders, and keeping her warm as she slept peacefully in her new home in Piltover.

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?

Mystique - Not everyone is out to get you. Yes, it's good to be cautious, but that doesn't mean you should ignore the signs of kindness from good people.

😨 FEARFUL - when scared, do they go into "flight" or "fight"?

Mystique - She is well aware that she does not have the strength or ability to fight. Even her choice of smoke bombs are chosen to aid her escape from threats.

My Choice! Mania - Almost always fight. Physical threats are always only ever fixed with a fight, and she will usually get defensive if she suddenly starts feeling emotionally vulnerable.

🚆 TRAIN - what is their answer to the trolley problem?

Devo - As far as philosophy goes for Devo, she considers herself a Moral Particularist. She believes there are no set moral rules that can actually apply to every situation, so it depends on the conditions of the trolley problem itself.

If it is the basic trolley problem, she would try to minimize the total amount of suffering, and switch the track to only hit one person, making the utilitarian argument. If she knew the one person, depending on her relationship with that person, like if they were someone she loved, she might opt to show loyalty to them and leave the track to kill the five people. If it were the scenario where she's a doctor and has to save five people with the organs of one healthy person, killing them, she would say no, that a doctor has taken the Hippocratic Oath and has sworn to do no harm.

My Choice! Mania - Obviously the biggest dilemma is trying to figure out how to kill all six people, so Mania would switch the track to one side, but switch it back to the other side before the back wheels of the trolley could change tracks, causing the trolley to slide down both tracks at the same time, therefore killing all six people.

🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast?

Devo - She usually doesn't wake up until lunch time, so her breakfast is usually just lunch. But if she's in particular need of comfort, she likes to make some fried chicken.

🎁 PRESENT - what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

(Devo, My choice)

Devo - Something handmade, and personal. Something about receiving an object that was brought into existence with her in mind makes her very happy.

My Choice! Ceka - Anything that might remind her of her home and family on Shili. It's not uncommon for Togrutas to feel a deep connection to their home planet, and it's normal to see them feeling homesick every once in a while. So if you could find some food from Shili, or a piece of jewelry from her tribe, she would feel very appreciated and understood.

🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

My Choice! Minute - I hope it's obvious that the main character flaw for Mita to grow out of in Least Sane Moments, is her trust issues. I give all my characters a flaw they need to learn from by the end of their story, but hers is the most obvious.

Minute needs to learn to let herself be vulnerable, because when she actually does love someone, when the time comes for her to be open and vulnerable, she recoils in fear that they might use it against her. If someone does love Mita, then they definitely need to have patience with her. It will take a long time for her to let her guard down, but it will take a lot of work and patience.

[floorbed]

fuck it holland playlist

hey guys here’s my yearly holland vosijk playlist update post. more songs!

listen here

tracklist and annotations under the cut >:)

hymn 1 - teen suicide

he took this ailing body from me

for he knew it was causing me pain

he wont give me a new one cuz i had my chance

but he forgives me 

nobody - mitski

my god, i’m so lonely

so i open the window

to hear sounds of people 

to hear sounds of people

in the woods somewhere - hozier

deer in the chase there as i flew

forgot all prayers of joining you

i clutched my life and wished it kept

my dearest love, i’m not done yet

how many years i know i’ll bear

i found something in the woods somewhere

guilty - alex g

are you guilty? are you waiting to be found?

do you think that you’d be happier with no one else around?

are you hiding, but the trial never comes?

capable type - momma

i keep looking out the window, i keep finding stuff to fight

i keep looking out the window i don’t

i don’t wanna play nice

i keep looking out the window, i keep finding stuff to fight

i keep looking out the window i guess

i’m just the capable type

hollow - alex g

don’t talk too much 

you’ll hurt yourself

i know 

i’m hollow

coming up roses - elliott smith

i’m a junkyard full of false starts

and i don’t need your permission

to bury my love under this bare lightbulb

the moon is a sickle cell

it’ll kill you in time 

the body is a blade - japanese breakfast

try not to get so righteous

about what’s fair for everyone

find what’s left in you

channel something good

kicker - alex g

white bird in a black cloud rain comin down

thinkin hey, maybe we should turn this boat around

gardenhead / leave me alone - neutral milk hotel

leave me alone

for you know this isnt the first time

in fact this is twice in a row 

that the angels have slipped through our landslide

and filled up our garden with snow

judge - alex g 

all the time i try to recall

what drove you away from here

what was dream and what was real

where was i? 

that day meant nothing to me

a hiccup in my memory

this life will leave you hungry

i am completely guilty

when you die - mgmt

i’m not that nice

i’m mean and i’m evil

don’t call me nice

i’m gonna eat your heart out

i’ve got some work to do

who could love you lucille? - john congleton

and as god as my witness

i am here to do the devil’s business

i’m behind you

right behind you

and i could be anyone

you’d accept anything 

tongues & teeth - the crane wives

and i know that you mean so well

but i am not a vessel for your good intent

i will only break your pretty things

i will only wring you dry of everything

the boredom is the reason i started swimming its also the reason i started sinking - the front bottoms

i wanna feel lethal, on the inside

i wanna read american psycho again

but i am not sure that i want any single part of this

any single part of any of this shit

cuz everybody pays

yeah everybody’s head is in the noose

you’re part of a program

get with the program

brain stew - green day

i’m having trouble trying to sleep

i’m counting sheep but running out

as time ticks by, still i try

no rest for crosstops in my mind

on my own here we go

cannibal - tally hall

dig up the skeletons of men that thought that they would be the one like me 

body - mother mother

i’ve grown tired of this body

cumbersome and heavy body 

brutus - the buttress 

and even if i can’t be the one

maybe i could at least help make way for him

until the day that he comes

maybe my name could also be known

100 years - florence welch

but then its just too much

the streets they still run with blood

a hundred arms a hundred years

you can always find me here

abbey - mitski

i am waiting

i have been waiting

i was born waiting 

sleepless - girlpool

the room’s beige it’s a mess

you dream to be sleepless

all alone in bed - teen suicide

are you coming home?

you’ve been losing weight again

does your mother know that you’re skin and bones

does your mother know you spent a year all alone in bed

the same things happen to me all the time even in my dreams - teen suicide

i am warm and i am bored

and i am drifting through this place

it’s no better or worse than anything else that’s ever happened to me

but i wish that i never met a lot of the people that i’ve met

not because i don’t like them but because i only let them down

things to do - alex g

welcoming you back home the only one that you have ever known

welcoming you back home the only one that you will ever know

april 8th - neutral milk hotel

crawl across toward your window

i’m calling softly from the street

always a lonely widow

half awake and sleeping on my feet

bag of bones - mitski

and after everythings done and i’m all undone

you can hear my high heels walking off

clickety-clacking through the night

i’m carrying my bag of bones

soup - girlpool

you’ve got lots of potential can you feel it

fireworks - mitski

i will go jogging routinely

calmly and rhythmically run

oh comely - neutral milk hotel

there isn’t such one friend that you could find

here standing next to me

he’s only my enemy

i’ll crush him with everything i own

pearl diver - mitski

but hunter, you were human, don’t forget it and go safely

it will come back - hozier

don’t let it in with no intention to keep it

jesus christ don’t be kind to it 

honey don’t feed it it will come back

i would hurt a fly -built to spill

there’s a mean bone in my body

untitled oct 19 - teen suicide

this body’s at an end

this pale decaying flesh

but i will be again

made into light

when i come back home

you won’t see me

being alive - stephen sondheim 

somebody crowd me with love

somebody force me to care

somebody let me come through

i’ll always be there as frightened as you

[troop52]

do u !!! have any character theme songs for the troop boys? Like any songs you think really fits them (and why u think it fits)?

THATS A GREAT QUESTION!!

Before I get into it Im going to plug this collaborative Troop Playlist on Spotify, feel free to add onto it!! Continuing with my picks

I think a lot of the songs I associate with The Troop in general are just because I happened to listen to them around the same time I got into the book in the first place (So they could only be tangentially related BUT only if you squint hard) Example: Drunk by The Living Tombstone, cant really tie it into the story but in my mind its linked Some better, more fitting songs under the cut (Side note its LONGGG IM SORRY... Also its all YouTube links because some of these arent on Spotify :'^()

Disclaimer -Like 95% of my choices arent really a "These lyrics match up exactly 1 to 1" but more of an overall "the vibe/general idea its trying to capture lines up" type thing. If that makes sense.

Its Alright by Jack Stauber: Kind of self explanatory, I think its a perfect song for these guys. From "It's alright, I'm here, Everything's alright, Feels weird but calm, I wanna hear It's alright" to the whole sound of it- its all great. Equal parts distressing and sad with an almost eerie calmness to it. Despite it all theyre gonna be alright, right?

The Second Little Piggy by Worthikids: Another one that I think is sort of self explanatory- at least with the chorus. "If my brain turns to mush, If the shit hits the fan, Will you be my friend?" Kind of the falling apart of everything, specifically their relationships, in light of the incident.

Poor George by James Supercave: Another case of "listened to at the same time I read the book" BUT I was actually making a Troop PMV script with that song. I never finished it but maybe Ill revisit it... just for you

Cold Summer by Le Matos ft Computer Magic: I dont even think this takes place in the summer but the VIBES and also it came from Summer of 84, which is another good piece of murder boy media.

Treehouse by Alex G ft Emily Yacina: This is a Eef and Max type of song because they are bffs and thats final. Basic song because Im not creative, but I think its a nice heart to heart theyd have (with Eef doing the talking)

Fifteen Minuets by Nick Krol: On the flipside heres a song that goes with Eef and Maxs friendship fracturing, once again more from Eefs side than Maxs. THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG

As far as songs for the boys as individuals hmmm thats a good one that I havent thought about as much...

MAX + The Ghosts by The Real Tuesday Weld: That survivors guilt... lyrics arent like a perfect match but I think it gets that sort of hollow feeling across. Hes haunted man... + Final Girl by Electric Youth: Ok its a little funny because har har Final Girl Trope but I mean HE IS ONE. ANd dont look at me its a nice song- "Others were gone, and you kept going on, You know they never really noticed, you were always different, One by one, They're all done, And you're the last one standing" + Going Grazy by Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks: HONESTLY this could go for all the characters but Im tagging it onto Max because hes the one who has to deal with the aftermath of losing everyone (sorry survivors guilt Max again </3) "Everyone's saying my mind is unsound, 'Cause I always see you when you aren't around" "They're gonna wrap me in a jacket of white, And lock me away in a room without light" is what cements it as a Max song for me

EEF + The Existential Threat by Sparks: Once again starting sad, I link this one specifically to his paranoia about the worms- especially with lines like "Can't they see the existential threat is on its way". Kind of exasperated no one else can see the danger (he thinks) hes in. + Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: I know I know its basic but I cant help it!!! Eef anger issues arc we are shaking hands me too + Haunted by Laura Les: Eef struggles with people seeing him as "just like his father" and I think we can get some good angst out of this track if we keep that in mind. Especially the back half of the song with lyrics like "Do you think I'm frightening?" and "Mirrors shatter when I'm passing, broken glass and crashing" since he is just a reflection of his dad (to others at least). Also song good.

KENT + Goodbye Mr A by The Hoosiers: Mfw the disillusionment with authority sets in. I think the vibe fits when he had that little epiphany about how adults are fucked- not perfect but it gets the idea across me thinks. + I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor: Ties into his need to "win" aka be the best at everything, be in charge, all that jazz! Hell do whatever it takes to be successful, even if it hurts. That was a little emo + Toba the Tura by Forgive Durden ft Chris Conley: Not to be emo again but "They say you're gifted, well I just see a scared kid. They must have flipped it, your skills are latent. O, you snuffed the glow. Replaced it with coals. Threw away the throne... This mess that you've made, it's a six-foot grave. It's a home for your lonesome bones that remain. We'll disappear, but you'll stay here to rot" AND SO ON AND SO FOURTH representing his fall after it was revealed he was sick. He was referred to as "the uncrowned king" and was on top of the world but then POOF that all crumbled and it was made out that he basically deserved what happened to him. It would be fun to make a pmv of him with this song (Simplifying my thoughts a bit because Ive already written a LOT)

NEWT + I Earn My Life by Lemon Demon: Ok a little Kentcore but Im actually having a hard time coming up with songs for Newton so here we are, they can share. Newt existential crisis moment time I guess + Know How by The Crane Wives: POV Newt struggles with going through with the plans he makes to keep everyone safe (stopping Max from touching Kent, going back into the cabin, etc) "I am not brave, I am not brave, I keep my focus on what is safe, You drew a line, made up your mind, And now I'm struggling to realize" And also maybe struggling with his place in the group and as a person in general- all that living through his cousin thing. "I gotta wrap my head around, What my heart is telling me, I've been trying to drown it out, Just because I know what I am, I am supposed to do now, Doesn't mean I know, Doesn't mean I know how" + On The Outside by Oingo Boingo: Idk man. Hes on the outside lookin in!! Loner nerd!! Its ok though, we still love him

SHEL + Bad Blood by Creature Feature: The lyrics speak for themselves: "I can guarantee I will do evil things, The only way that you can stop me now, Is if you put me in the ground, Somewhere I'll never be found" + Frontier Psychologist by The Avalanches: Hinges on the fact that the principal or whoever was like "Your sons a freak" and Shels mom was like "HES PERFECTLY FINE" while Shelley was like dismembering an animal or something + Johnny by American Murder Song: The songs good but theres this ONE LYRIC that sucks so the link provided is an edited version and also a lovely Warriors oc video I think you should all enjoy and support <3 Anyway Shel would be Johnny I could see this song being a scene in the book. Field trip to Shels house and they find his murder garden

If anyone wants more for Im not opposed to making another post :^)

[alto-angel]

in this post, i would like to present my thesis on why the song metaphor by the crane wives belongs to goro akechi.

"i've gotten good at leaning on metaphors": goro's speech as the detective prince is very flowery, exaggerated, and calculated, in order to please the crowds of people with their eyes trained on him at all times. public appearances, television shows, and interviews are all very important for his image, and as such he's forced to adapt his speech and choose his wording carefully to appease those watching. robbie daymond especially does a very good job of vocally pushing the line of politeness into a tone that sounds just a bit too sugary to be genuine, but not something u would notice unless u were listening closely.

"i've gotten good at living on someone else's page": much like the first line, this one can also refer to goro's public image. because he's put an immense amount of work into his life as the detective prince, he aims to please. or at least, he needs to act as though he does. in order to keep up appearances, he needs to be able to get a read of those around him and keep himself on the same wavelength as them. this also applies to shido—not only does goro need to please his fans, but shido as well, in order to stay one step ahead of him. goro is purposefully putting himself on eggshells every day of his life, and in order to keep that up as well as keep himself safe, this is what he has to practice.

"i cut my teeth on secondhand sentiments": goro is often forced to follow a script, or at least an embellished, public-friendly version of his own thoughts. the things that he says when acting as the detective prince are rarely ever his own thoughts as they would be presented in normal conversation. goro has to hide his true opinion of the phantom thieves behind crowd pleasing buzzwords, keep up appearances by catering his opinions, and even quotes philosophers and other literature ("to paraphrase hegel"). the things that he says as detective prince goro akechi are rarely ever entirely his own, and he's gotten very good at tailoring his speech.

"you can't trust a single thing i say": this one, i think, is fairly self-explanatory. the "you" doesn't just apply to the phantom thieves, but to those goro works with as well. what is it he says to sae; "to trick your enemies, you must first trick your allies"? he uses deception to get what he wants, but his primary motivation for it is to move his plan forward, and to protect himself. obviously, if he were honest with shido, he would've been killed on the spot. goro's proficiency with lies isn't just a tool he uses, but a defense mechanism as well. bc of his fear of and difficulty grasping the concept of opening up to someone, through that skill, he is able to keep himself closed off and in control (that is, until he meets akira).

"i keep my closet free of skeletons": this one strikes me as irony, personally. goro's closet is so full of skeletons that it's practically bursting at the seams. but as the detective prince, something like that just isn't allowed. he needs to play the part, otherwise he pays the price. as himself, as goro akechi, he's got so many skeletons in his closet that he probably can't open the door anymore. but as the detective prince, he has to uphold an air of perfection that seems unattainable to others. goro as the detective prince is the epitome of the culture behind the idolization of celebrities, and the way others place and expect them on pedestals of something near godhood, far above the rest of the world.

"cause i'm much better at digging graves": well, goro akechi is certainly no stranger to the art of killing someone without a trace. we have no idea how many shutdowns or breakdowns he induced over the course of his professional relationship with shido. but i also think this lyric in tandem with the one right before it could relate to goro's tendencies towards repression; the idea that he cannot and should not have any "demons" or "skeletons"—such as past traumas, meaningful relationships, or feelings that he's jammed down and shut the closet doors on, if u will—bc since vengeance is his only objective, then digging graves is his primary task, or the only thing he's good for, in his mind. the word skeletons doesn't have to represent mistakes specifically, but could also refer to how goro views his own heart and how he deals with his emotions. something like, he feels he shouldn't deal with all that turbulence, bc he's far better at warping it into anger—something that he's used to dealing with, and can easily rationalize. the more complicated emotions, not so much.

"but i always dig up bones in your sympathy": this is where i start connecting things to goro and akira specifically. another definition of sympathy entails two people who share an understanding of each other. doesn't that sound like goro and akira to u? so, if u take these lyrics to be from goro to akira, it feels to me like this one could represent his regrets/desire to leave his situation. according to rank seven of his confidant in royal, we know that goro is practically screaming for help before the events of sae's palace. unfortunately, as the player, we are not able to save him. but i think this lyric could represent his desire to connect with akira despite his better judgement—"dig up bones," as in; i'll still arrive at the decision to bury them in the first place, but bc we have an understanding, i'll show u as well as i can that i do not want to be doing this. and that's exactly how rank seven with goro plays out, through the metaphor of a billiards game.

"i can't trust a single thing you say": this could refer to the fact that both goro and akira are withholding truths from each other throughout their relationship, and since they are of equal standing, the same deception that applies to goro would apply to akira as well, albiet in a far different way. however, i can also see it as an unwillingness on goro's part; he feels as though he cannot trust akira not bc akira is truly lying to him, but bc there's no other way for him to rationalize the fact that akira cares for him and wants to spend time with him. as goro akechi, not the detective prince. goro can't trust the kindness akira extends to him not only bc he's used to conditional love (shido, foster parents, etc.), but also bc he doesn't feel as though he deserves it. goro does not have a very high image of himself, as we see later on, and it's easy to see throughout his confidant that he cannot quite understand why someone would want to spend time with him, and not the perfectly crafted version of him that he presents to everyone else.

"don't look too hard, cause you won't like the scars he left in me": the "he" here refers to shido. shido is the sole reason for all of goro's trauma and hardships. he has scarred goro more than anyone else in his life. and goro's sharing of these traumas is very limited: he opens up seemingly out of nowhere, before immediately retreating under the guise of things like "oh, that isn't like me," or "oh, am i bothering u?" such as the scenes that take place in leblanc and the bathhouse. goro cannot fathom the fact that someone (akira) would wish to get to know him, as he is, so he assumes that a normal interaction between friends is somehow too much transparency, and keeps himself at a distance. he mistakes his feelings for akira as hatred, right? obviously, that's entirely the wrong word to describe them. but if goro himself believes that he hates akira, he would likely believe akira to hate him as well; as evidenced by the fact that the dialogue options which give u the most points are the ones where u mention ur "rivalry"—bc again, goro cannot rationalize his emotions as anything other than negative; anger, hatred, etc. it's far easier for goro to blurt out the words "i hate u" rather than "i love u," or "i care for u," isn't it? and this is how he keeps himself at enough of a distance, although simultaneously feels himself drawing closer. emotional closeness is not something goro is well versed in, and bc goro has built his image on being talented and skilled, he refuses to reveal his shortcomings.

"i've gotten good at making up metaphors": the words here are only slightly different than the ones at the beginning, which i think works for goro's further descent into his deal with shido, and subsequent difficulty. instead of "leaning" on metaphors, he's completely making them up. it's more drastic, which could represent a sort of desperation. almost as if he's losing his touch—which we do see after the events of sae's palace, during the tv interview where he monologues internally about his backstory, and we start to really see how damaged he is. goro is frazzled and distraught, enough for it to visibly show, something he prided himself on being able to avoid.

"i've gotten good at stretching the truth out of shape": again, the same situation as before. similar to the beginning, with slightly harsher wording. the lies that goro is immersing himself in are getting more intense, and almost impossible to separate from. his "murder" of akira is a turning point, in a way; akira is the first and only character we see goro kill in what he believes to be outside of the metaverse. he's not only stretching the truth out of shape, but he himself is bent out of shape as well—this stuck out to me on my ng+ run; his sprites in the scene just after akira is reported to be dead from him to shido are very unsettling and absent, as if he's almost completely zoning out. it's a very jarring scene to watch, and i think at least part of that has to be due to the severity of his actions.

"and all these words are sweet and meaningless": this feels to me, if we're going by the timeline i've been suggesting throughout all this, like it's directed at shido. now that akira is dead and the phantom thieves are no longer a threat to goro's plan for revenge, he can focus his energy back on his original objective. goro lays it on incredibly thick in his scenes with shido, so much so that it sometime surprises me that he didn't realize shido was onto him. again with the more intense wording here, which fits with the events i'm corresponding it with.

"you can't trust a single thing i say": now this wording is exactly the same as the first time, but given the progression of everything i've talked about, i take this as a sort of last word to both shido and akira. goro intends to follow through with his vengeance no matter the cost, and this could read as a final nail in that coffin. the song repeats this lyric four times, as well. if i wanted to keep it up all the way up to the engine room scene, and go completely off the rails in the process, i could say that the first iteration of this line is an affirmation to both shido and akira that his revenge takes precedence, therefore it would be stupid to trust him. the second is an affirmation to himself that he is in fact doing the right thing, and everything will pay off in the end, that this is just the way things are supposed to be, as always. the third is a kind of plea, born from confusion, after he's defeated by the theives and they offer to bring him with them to take down shido, an offer he cannot fathom the reason for extending. a sort of "why would u trust me" in the form of "u shouldn't trust me." and the fourth would refer directly to goro speaking to his cognitive self; as he decieves the deciever, making it seem as though he is running back to shido only to close the bulkhead door and resign himself to his "noble" sacrifice.

i hope at least some of this makes any semblance of sense. put this song on ur goro playlists, goroboys.

[katierosefun]

Opinions on Nobody by the Crane Wives as an Anakin song? It really reminds me of his relationship with Palpatine

eeyyyy, yes!!! i just listened to it, and,,,bro, yeah, i def. agree that this song gives off creepy palpatine and anakin vibes. like...just this creepy, twisted manipulation/dependency inherent in the relationship between palpatine and anakin. (asdfdsfsd i hope people realize that i mean this in the super creepy mentorship relationship, not anything,,,,more than that because the thought alone makes me want to hurl) 

but just like, the lyrics-- 

there's a shadow at the back door / something's moving in the shade / she lights cigarettes like lanterns / for the darkness in my head

like idk idk idk there’s something so severely ominous about this lyric? something moving in the shade...darkness in my head....that is very much anakin, and all i can think about is how palpatine def. saw that in anakin and took full advantage/tried to increase it in every single meeting between them ugh 

nobody ever loved me, ever loved me / nobody ever loved me / so she tells me / nobody ever loved me, ever loved me / nobody ever loved me / like she tells me she does

so yeah! oh hey, you ever think about how palpatine was like “i’m the only one you can trust/no one else would understand all the shit that you went through/did” to anakin and effectively cut him off from all the people who actually loved him? doesn’t it get your blood boiling? because it does for me! :D

i should be counting blessings / something is better than nothing / isn't it, isn't it, isn't it / it's close enough to perfect / what does it hurt, a little bit?

i think there’s an actual passage in the rots novelization where palpatine keeps urging anakin to leave obi-wan behind to die, and even anakin thinks “what is up with this guy why does he keep doing that/saying that” but like...of course that logic doesn’t come back around later in the novelization because i think palpatine has just been so in anakin’s head that like?? 

idk, something something anakin internalizing that he’s lucky to have palpatine as a mentor/friend (again....anakin.......obi-wan’s right there!!!! the rest of the jedi order is right!!! there!!! you moron!!!).....like, i def. think that obi-wan and padme and ahsoka (and probably rex at some point) must have pointed out like “yo palpatine’s got some weird views/isn’t really a Good Friend”, but each time?? anakin’s just like “well, he’s a good friend to me and he’s a better friend than i could have asked for” and therefore...idk man. it’s a slippery slope, and it makes me sad. 

anyways, tl;dr: yes, thank you for the song rec, and i agree that it gives off the same sad-creepy vibes that would capture anakin and palpatine’s relationship

[salamencerobot]

Gomens: Song edition

ok this is mainly gonna be ineffable husbands BUT there is one for a different character that I’ll stick in here

ALSO THIS IS TV ONLY, and im also ignoring any songs i got introduced to through the show/fandom (so like old fashioned lover boy isn’t on here cause it’s like.. canonically their song)

Ok so starting off is Tongues and Teeth by The Crane Wives. This is Crowley. You cannot tell me this guy doesn’t have anxiety over being not good enough for Aziraphale after literally everything that happened in the show. the entire song is “It hurts to love me” HELLO????

“Allies or Enemies” by the same people is kinda the anthem for their entire relationship but i especially think it applies to how Crowley feels after the bandstand theme.

Human by Christina Perri is Crowley. look. I know he’s a demon. but listen to this. “But I'm only human/ And I bleed when I fall down/ I'm only human/ And I crash and I break down/ Your words in my head, knives in my heart/ You build me up and then I fall apart/ 'Cause I'm only human” him at the 1964? scene where Aziraphale goes “you go too fast for me” AND after the bookshop fire. he’s emotional. it does however, apply to both, because they’re both more human than the other angels and demons, even if that’s not literal.

Hard Sell by Crane wives is, again a Crowley song (Im sorry i just only listen to crowley songs i swear). It’s all about pretending to be ok, or pretending to be something you’re not, and hiding emotions (look i know “canonically” the reason he doesn’t wear the glasses is cause of his eyes but shhhhhhhh he doesn’t want to be seen having emotions).

A Good Song Never Dies by Saint Motel is... Bentley. LOOK SHE’S A CHARACTER IN MY HEART. plus it’s funny. keep playing Queen, you have fantastic taste!!. Oh also Aziraphale cause of his whole “it’s still fashionable!” shtick.

Karma by AJR is Aziraphale. generally anytime before the bookshop fire but it applies mostly to after the antichrist’s birth. He has so much faith in heaven and it’s just dashed on the ground and it’s so sad.

Wings by Hurts is the Ineffable husbands from the POV of Aziraphale, specifically in the idea the entire fandom has explored of “ok but what if he DID fall, maybe even willingly???” anyway here are some lyrics that kill me. “Say you'll catch me when I fall/ Wrap your wings around my body/ When I'm lost in the storm/ And I'm calling” UGH ITS SO SAPPY

Burn The House Down by AJR is interesting, because by all accounts it should be a Crowley song for how much it references the internet and the culture of fast news, but it really fits Aziraphale. The entire song is about “should i call out these bad things when nobody is gonna listen to me, and when i could just ignore them” THATS HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HEAVEN IN A GODDAMN NUTSHELL

ok that’s all i have for now but i will be back eventually