#THE DORITO COUNTS

[postingwasteland]

Ah yes, a new character to add to my ✨short king✨ category-

If you know any other ✨short kings✨ feel free tag em

[danersion]

I just rewatched Gravity Falls, and it has been on my mind lately.

It's pretty obvious everyone has a soft spot for Mabel, but Bill in particular put her in a bubble where everything she ever wanted came true. I mean, she could handle Weirdmageddon pretty well—heck, she did! He could have just bailed or made her a stone, but she practically had her own penthouse in his new domain. He definitely has a soft spot for the shooting star.

So does Bill see himself in Mabel? They almost had the same sparkles in their eyes when Bill was a kid. Innocent, cute, and also:

"Just a little more summer (she was gonna lose Dipper and not see her friends for years if not forever)" or "He wanted to show the stars to everyone," -they have the same vibes [and the silliness y'know]

Wanting to share something beautiful with the people you care about just once or try to lengthen the time because it will never come again (also I'm really glad people are defending Mabel, she was just a kid).

Bill was just trying to justify that action by fitting it in his narrative, and it does! (déjà vu) So we glossed it over, but now it might be plausible.

tldr: Bill sees Mabel as his younger, innocent self and wanted to comfort her in his twisted way with a little spin to make it sound like it's just part of his plan.

[kissitbttr]

hands up if you casually indulge yourself in 20+ different snacks when a minor inconvenience hits!!🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️

[repotting]

people who don't normally read sci fi have such bad taste in sci fi 😭

[little-red-fool]

God forbid I get attached to Raiden when I play MGS2 because if I draw him he will end up masculine. I can’t draw femboys.

[fizzytoo]

my entire existence is summed up by the fact i bought these nasty ass chips that i didn’t even want but i picked them up by mistake and was too embarrassed to put them back

[airehoney]

So that's how my night is going.

[daisychainsandbowties]

casper vibes - sopping wet with blood (your own) (having eaten it over your own feet) also pre-serum steve rogers 'I can do this all day' and himbo energy packed in a little suitcase

[oswednesday]

thinking about the way mabel is still like bill-flagged even after everything like the way he describes her dreams over like anything else the way hes particularly cruel towards the others vs that,then theres mabel being like we gotta wear witch hats to the funeral we got to have for him that has ford, who lived in a fucking merge souls move in on the first gay date situationship with bill be like ? witch hats? funeral ?like what do you mean ? you should know he loves that stuff and then even her like hey you were murderous and mean is like way more playful (like this is her character but its adding to an overall) and her like dating breakup relationship advice treats him like a Person vs how others most often talk about him and then she puts a heart and eye sticker nearest/on the computer

[republic-renaissance]

sometimes I feel like I could achieve the body type of those pinterest models (you know the ones). but then I remember that I have years of sports and strength training under my belt that began in early childhood.

so my only choice is to accept the chonk and try to develop a dorito body, just a walking triangle that grew legs. i shall evolve into the mid 2010s dorito Chris Evans meme.

[kil9]

found my 3rd naturally spawned shiny in scarlet :3 !!!

[alfamangle]

I AM IN SOSMPCORD WITJ YANDAN. SINXE 2021 (I think) WE WERE PART OF A GROUP IN AN OLD DISCORD SERVER’S DEMISE GAME AND IR WAS MURDER MAGICA. I DID NOT EXPEXT YOU TO KNOW YANDAN LMAO

GRIPS. YOU. YOU WERE ALSO IN FUCKING DEMISE. WORLDS FUCKING SMALL IG????? MAN. MAN......... THIS IS THE FUNNIEST TURN OF EVENTS ACTUALLY

[mercurialshigh]

.

[teojira]

[Click Click Boom] [Shadow x Reader short stories]

Summary: You're set to be Shadow's companion to keep an eye on him and keep him in line, a courtesy from the goverment for him saving the world with Sonic and the others.

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: Can be read as platonic or romantic! Shadow/reader romance is implied though! You're human in this, age is vague but you're meant to be in your 20s.

Disclaimer: Shadow is an adult, and as for the furry debate, he's literally an adult who can consent and is sentient, don't like? Don't read!

A/N: I've literally been obsessed with this fucker since I was a literal child and it's the first time I've written for him!! The trailer yas me going insane. This is written well before the movie has come out, literally all I got to work with is Shadow in the trailer and the bits and pieces of info I psychoanalized so I don't wanna hear shit about it not being accurate tbh, this is self indulgent!!

Shadow isn't the worst task you've been assigned, you both are more akin to awkward roommates more than anything.

I'm talking randomly lingering in the corners of the room, his bright red eyes glowing and they always seemed to be locked right onto you.

You screamed the first dozen times, but now you just glare at the black hedgehog and spit out a "fuck you." and go about your business.

He'll never admit that it brings him infinite amusement, it's hard to tell, but the huff he lets out is evidence enough.

Shadow will never admit he cares for you, he loses everyone he cares for, and humans don't live that long. It's terrifying to think about how much he's come to like you.

He's not nearly as slick as he thinks he is.

You're sitting down at the dinner table, typing away on your laptop, editing the mission report from the other day when Shadow makes his way towards you. Sending him a nod in his direction, you don't think of anything when he moves in close.

A huge slam takes you off guard though, jumping damn near out of your skin as you twist your head to look at him.

"What the fuck-"

"Take it."

It's one of Shadow's guns, his emblem being engraved along the stock.

"What? No, I have guns." You raise an eyebrow at the hog, his face is perfectly still, eyes locking onto yours as he waits for you to grab the heckler.

"Your guns are worthless, you need something better."

"Well excuse me, I so happen to like my guns." You try and joke back, but the offense is taken.

Shadow rolls his eyes so hard you're scared that he's gonna blind himself. Jutting his chin towards the table once more to get your focus back onto it.

"If you have one of mine, I know you're safe." He doesn't elaborate. Not that he needs to.

"...Thank you, Shad."

All you get is a grunt in response, and he's on his way back to his room.

Gingerly picking up the weapon, you take in how pristine it is, a thumb caressing your small initials that you missed on the other side of the stock.

With Shadow saving the world, the reeking of havoc makes it to where he's limited to what he is allowed to do in the public eye.

Not that he listens, he isn't supposed to be out after curfew. But to be fair, it is extremely hard to keep a teleporting hedgehog confined to a meager two-story house.

You can hear him teleport above you, he's on the roofs of the nearby building, leering down at you.

It was a small errand you were on, simply stocking up on the essentials for the house.

Namely, snacks for Shadow, he doesn't ask for a lot other than coffee beans and Doritos.

You are choosing to ignore the fact that he eats the coffee beans straight up, the crunch echoes through your head and it sends a shudder down your spine.

He was adamant against you leaving the house this late, standing in front of the front door.

"No."

"Fuck you mean no?"

"I said no."

"....I don't listen to men."

And you weaved around him to leave the house, ignoring his shout of disapproval.

That leads you both to here now, you pretending you don't see him trailing you from the rooftops as you walk your way back home from the small shopping center.

You feign surprise when he opens the house door for you, begrudgingly sticking a hand out to help you with your bags.

"Oh! Thank you my knight in shining armor~"

"Shut it."

He's never told you his birthday, which you can understand, living for 50 years and not having your family around must be hard. No matter how he may fake that it doesn't bother him.

That doesn't stop you, not in the slightest really. You damn near kick him out of the house for the day, shoving him over to Tom and Maddie's house so he can be with the others. Despite how much he protested.

"I don't want to go over there. Not with that blue fake."

"You don't really have a choice bub, I need you out of the house."

"I don't understand why I have to-"

"Keep arguing with me and I will make it a point to not buy you shit next grocery trip."

It's an empty threat, but he grunts nonetheless.

"...."

"That's what I thought."

When he finally gets home from his long and admittedly overstimulating day with the Wachowskis, he's ready to recharge in his room.

He teleports through the house door, sighing and rubbing at his temples as he moves to kick off his shoes, knowing that if he doesn't, you'd chastise him for not doing so.

Something about tracking dirt and rocket fuel into the carpet.

Whatever.

After trying to massage his brain through his fur, he opens his eyes up to see a colorful banner strung across the mantle.

'Happy birthday!' It screams, in its disgustingly neon color palette.

Shadow wracks his brain for any information of it being your birthday, he knows for a fact it isn't today. A friend you're throwing a party for? Well, that makes no sense, he knows very well you don't have many friends, especially any that you'd invite your house up for.

You're antisocial to a fault, not that he has absolutely any room to talk.

He hears you before he sees you, turning the corner into the living room, carrying some balloons in your hands. A stupid little party hat on your head.

"Shadow! What are you doing back so early?"

Kicking off the last shoe, he stands at his full height, staring into your eyes with a shrug.

"I wasn't aware I had a time."

"....fair enough, anyways, fuck, goddamnit. Stay here. Okay?"

And you're off, running into the kitchen, his ears flick at the slamming of the fridge door, followed by the cabinets being no doubt, hip nudging it shut way too forcefully.

He's awkwardly standing there still until you yell for him to come in.

Shadow has half a mind to ignore you and go into his room, but curiosity kills the cat, so he takes in a deep breath and makes his way to you.

He finds you sitting at the little kitchenette, a nervous smile spread across your lips as you gesture to the plate in front of you.

The smell is apparent, it's a coffee cupcake.

The hedgehog feels his ears flick again, staring down at the desert, then trailing his eyes back to meet your own. Wordlessly asking you what was going on.

"You've never told me your birthday, but it's been a year since you've been here, with me. After the whole trying to destroy the world shit. So since you won't tell me, we can kinda treat this as it?" You keep rambling, eyes flitting around the room, very clearly nervous as to his reaction.

Shadow doesn't say anything, or move even. Just staring down at the cupcake.

It looks amateurish, the frosting is lopsided, and the toppings on it look messy. But you made it for him. You even added a big black "1" candle in the center.

He doesn't know what to say, he can feel heat rush through his body, rushing to his ears and his face, and his fur feels constricting.

What the fuck.

What the actual fuck.

You go to open your mouth again, no doubt to apologize, but he beats you to it.

Moving to scoop up the treat, he gently sniffs it before taking a cautionary bite.

A beat passes between the two of you.

"...it's good."

Shadow does his best to ignore the smile that blooms across your face, not wanting to remember just how pretty he finds you like this.

Disgusting.

Shadow doesn't like touch, you know it, he knows it, and everyone knows it. He's threatened to break Sonic's wrist for even so much as patting the older hedgehog on the back. Baring his sharper fangs and hissing out to not touch him ever.

He avoids group hugs from Team Sonic, avoids Tom and Maddie like the plague, dodging every invitation to be a part of the family, it makes him sick to think about it.

With you, it's a little different.

You're not like them, you don't push him to change, you don't have a problem with how closed off he is, giving him space, never once pushing his very strict boundaries.

Something churns in his chest at the sound of you crying in your room, you probably think you're being incognito, holding a pillow to your face to drown out your sobs.

The internal debate is heavy, Shadow used to be able to comfort, to provide warmth, but he hasn't done so in years. Flashes of memories where he would comfort Maria on her bad health days, letting her run her fingers over his quills, to lend an ear to Gerald when he was frustrated about treatments not working.

It's not to say he is replacing you in their place, but it's scary. To open himself up like that again. He can feel his anxiety rising as he goes over the pros and cons of crossing this line. Eyes squeeze shut forcefully as he tells himself he doesn't care about you, that you're an adult, and you don't need to be babied.

His ears twitch when a pathetic little whimper drops from your lips, and his resolve cracks.

You don't look up when he makes his way in, too stuck in your bubble.

Startling a little when two, much stronger and larger hands grab at your own, peeling them away from the pillow. Your puffy bloodshot eyes looking at the hedgehog in front of you, his face set as it usually is, stoic. But his eyes are different, and his body language is different, when has he ever looked at you so softly? It's jarring.

Oh, he's moving closer. Okay. Weird.

"Shadow? Uh, I'm ok-"

You try and lie, it's a pitiful attempt. Your voice is scratchy and the tear tracks down your cheeks aren't helping your plight.

"No, you're not."

He shuts you down immediately, hands sliding up your arms to drag you into him.

The instant your bodies touch, you feel a fresh wave of tears well up in your eyes again.

Shadow has you resting against him, your head resting on him as he wraps himself loosely in your arms, giving you the space to move away if you so choose.

It's the first time he's allowed you to hug him, the first time he's ever initiated contact with someone in years. A fact that you both are well aware of.

A sob works its way up your throat, immediately tightening your grip on the hedgehog, curling into him as you shake.

Shadow doesn't say anything, doesn't make fun of you as snot pours from your nose, doesn't point out that your mascara and eyeliner are getting everywhere, just sits there and lets you cling onto him like he's your only lifeline.

He thinks that this is okay, he's strong enough for you both, and you don't need to worry when he's here.

[signedreality]

Bill cipher trying to seduce and woo this human while he holds them captive in his pyramid during weirdmageddon and he makes them his little pet that adores and Ford is just like "👁️👄👁️"

ᯓ       CAPTIVE

        bill cipher x reader

ଳ synopsis ; bill cipher trying to woo the human he has captive in his pyramid during the apocalypse!

ଳ warnings : petnames, tease, fliting, bill has no game (-1000 aura after these headcanons yes i just said aura sue me i'm tired), and ford being confused as balls.

ଳ missive ; i haven't written for gravity falls in a bit, and i thought airing this broadcast would be hilarious, so enjoy!

now airing ; you really got me - oingo boingo

༄.°       weirdmageddon was almost perfect.

༄.°       keyword, almost.

༄.°       bill, with his plan almost working as he tortures ford into giving him the key to leaving gravity falls, could only wish for one more thing. and that was to finally woo the human he had, oddly enough, been obsessed with since this whole thing started.

༄.°       just seeing the way you attempting to fight back with him enamored him all the more, and your stubborn ways amused him.

༄.°       he thought you would be head over heels for him in no time, yet to his avail, you seemed to not care at all.

"doll, guess what i got you!" his voice filled your room—the one that was decorated with everything you could've wished for—as you looked towards bill. "what..?"

your voice was laced with exhaustion as you stared at bill, and you watched him pull out a ring that had a large diamond on top. "i heard you fleshbags like these shiny rocks for some reason, so i got you one!"

"thank you, bill—you can leave it with the rest, alright?" you gestured to the pile of riches he had gifted you, and the demon happily floated over to the pile while plopping the ring on top of it all. "there we go!"

༄.°       bill mostly gifted you things as a way to get you to fall for him, and he doesn't really flirt because the last time didn't go that well.

"are you deer teeth? because i know i can pull you—" bill blinked at you a few times when you narrowed your eyes at him, and he let out a defeated sigh once you pointed to the door. "that sounded better in my head..."

and with that, he'd sadly float out of your room.

༄.°       no matter how many times you rejected him, though, he'd still continue to attempt to woo you.

༄.°       he'd offer you any planet you want once he gets ford to speak, or he'd even offer you the whole universe just so you'd say yes.

༄.°       and eventually, you did.

༄.°       it was more so because of two things. one, you wanted him to leave you be, and two, maybe you did adore the dorito a bit. he practically offered you anything, he was funny, and he could be sweet.

༄.°       but how would ford react to this?

"bill, do you remember where i—" you stopped in the middle of the room as you noted the human chained as bill turned to face you, and the demon perked up while waving.

"don't mind us! i'm just casually planning world domination while sixer is hanging out! isn't that right?"

bill looked over at the man before rushing over to you, and he floated around you until he grabbed your hand. he partially swung it back and forth while staring at you. "he's shy—now, what did you need?"

as bill left to go help you find whatever it was, ford narrowed his eyes at the scene as he fidgeted around in his chains, yet there was no luck in escaping.

nor was there any luck in escaping the sounds of bill giggling each time you even looked at him.

but the more ford thought about it, maybe you could come in hand with ending this whole apocalypse...all he had to do was escape first.

⤷ word count ; too lazy to count

© signedreality

🌊        reblogs + hearts + comments are appreciated !

listeners : @simpingoncarmensandiego @ari-hatake24 @heartfeltcherie

[dixons-sunshine]

If you’re taking requests: I saw an edit on TikTok of Daryl and Merle. It was Merle hitting on the reader and it uses the “would you look at the time, I’ve gotta get home and sleep with your brother” audio, I was wondering if you could do a fic, even a short one, with that kinda vibe / theme.

If your request aren’t open, just stopping by to say I love your page ❤️

The Great Escape | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Summary: Merle Dixon made no secret of his interest in you, making you aware of that with his vulgar comments. However, you had no interest in him, and he just couldn’t seem to accept that. Thankfully, Daryl was there to help you out, even if your accidental slip of the tongue could have potentially pissed the older Dixon off.

Genre: I don’t really know.

Era: Pre Apocalypse.

Warnings: Swearing, suggestive innuendos towards the end.

Word count: 1.2k.

A/N: I love that sound on TikTok. It’s hilarious to me. I hope this is an okay attempt at that sort of vibe! This was written in under an hour so this could potentially not be that great. And thank you so much, my love 💜.

The need to escape increased with each second that ticked on the metaphorical clock. You continuously shifted your weight from one leg to the other as you prayed to whatever higher entity was listening that you could flee from the awkward predicament you were unwillingly partaking in. You kept checking the time on your watch, wishing that the small metal object that rested snuggly around your wrist could help you vanish from the comments Merle Dixon was making towards you.

It was no secret to the man in front of you that none of the women in the bar you worked at liked him. Each night, like clockwork, the Dixon brothers rolled into the bar, and as soon as the older one even lays an eye on one of the female bartenders, vulgar comments gets spewed left and right. And at that particular moment in time, you were the target of Merle’s objectification.

“M’tellin’ ya, girl. I ain’t never seen anyone with an ass that bounces like yers. S’enough to make any man hungry to see more,” Merle drunkenly slurred on, leisurely sipping on his beer as he leaned against the counter top. If he leaned any closer, he would be able to peer down your shirt, and that knowledge made you uncomfortable.

“Um... Thank you?” you ‘thanked’ him, your eyes nervously darting around as you hoped to lock eyes with those familiar cerulean ones you had grown to love looking at. Daryl Dixon had been your saviour from Merle countless times before, and you hoped to be able to have his help again. And you would be able to see that beautiful smile of his when he inevitably walks you to your car, so that was a nice plus.

“Yer welcome, sweet cheeks,” Merle laughed, doing what you had feared and leaned closer. However, you managed to back up just in time, preventing him from seeing what you didn’t want him to. You doubted that the man had intentionally wanted to look down your shirt, though, and your suspicions were proven correct when he had reached for the bowl of Doritos you kept behind the counter. Merle Dixon could be a nasty guy, but even he knew there were boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed with permission.

“Tell you what,” Merle began, his eyes sparkling as he looked at you, snapping you from your thoughts. “How ‘bout the two’a us ditch this joint and find a nice motel for the night? I promise ya won’t regret it.”

Your eyes widened at his innuendo. In a last ditch effort to free yourself from his advances, you looked around again to see if you could find Daryl. Thankfully, by some stroke of luck, you managed to find his eyes.

His eyes scanned over your face, and he could instantly read the distress on your features. His eyes darted to Merle, and then back to you, and he instantly realized what you meant. “Dinner?” he mouthed to you, like he always did whenever you needed to escape. Parking at the bar was practically nonexistent, so you always parked your car by this small diner down the street. More often than not, he’d buy you both a burger and fries, saving you the need to make dinner at two in the morning.

With one last glance at your watch, you noticed your shift had ended, just in time, too. “Um... I’m sorry. I can’t,” you told him, grabbing your bag from the floor and slinging it over your shoulder. Then, without even fully realizing what you said next, you began to walk away. “I’ve gotta go and sleep with your brother.”

Eat. You had fully intended to say eat. However, the damage was already done, and you had to stick with it. You scrambled to get away from Merle’s piercing glare, aware of the fact that you had just royally pissed him off.

“Yer gon’ fuckin’ what?!” he bellowed loudly. A few heads turned to look at the commotion, but you had already started making yourself scarce.

You practically sprinted towards Daryl, grabbing his hand and pulling him with you. You missed the way his cheeks flushed bright red at the feeling of your hand in his, too occupied with getting out of that place. Once outside, you let go of Daryl’s hand, though your pace didn’t falter.

Daryl jogged a few steps to fall into pace with you, and only then did he notice the embarrassed look on your face. “What’s wrong? What’d Merle do?”

You shook your head. “Nothing out of the usual. I’m fine.” You turned your head to look at Daryl, a sheepish smile on your face. “Although Merle might be pissed at you when you get home tonight?”

Daryl cocked an eyebrow at that. “Why? What’d I do?”

“It’s not anything you did. It’s what he thinks you did.” With a heavy sigh, you continued. “I might have accidentally told him I was gonna go sleep with you instead of eat...”

Daryl’s eyes widened at your statement, his heart beginning to gallop in his chest. However, he forced himself to appear nonchalant. He scoffed and turned his head away, thanking the night sky for its particular darkness that night, because it meant you wouldn’t be able to see how his cheeks burned with a heat that outranked that of the sun.

“Well, would ya look at that?” he began, his tone adapting a more playful one, both in an attempt to make you feel better and to lessen his own embarrassment. “Looks like Merle ain’t got nothin’ on me after all. I managed to snag a good-lookin’ one, too. M’damn lucky.”

You laughed at him, your pace slowing down when you noticed the diner coming into view. “Be sure to sing my praise to your brother. Let him know what he can’t have. Make him really jealous.” In a surge of confidence, you turned to him with a mischievous smile. “I’ve been told my head game is really good. Be sure to expand on that.”

“Christ almighty, girl,” he muttered to himself, his head ducking as a way to shield his blazing cheeks, and the curiosity in his eyes at your statement. Just how good was good? “Ya sure know how to make a man curious.”

You giggled softly at him. Cleverly sensing that any more teasing would have the man in front of you combusting from sheer embarrassment, you decided to change the topic. “How about I buy dinner tonight? It’s the least I can do to make up for the awkwardness you’re gonna experience once you get home.”

“More like a good yellin’ at,” Daryl told you, but he shrugged his shoulders and sent you a small, lopsided smile. “But sure.”

With that, the two of you walked into the diner. However, instead of getting takeout like you usually would, the two of you opted to take a seat in one of the booths, basking in the privacy that the late hour provided you. The two of you shared your meals over faint laughter, shared jokes, and even some flirting here and there, which was a stark difference from Daryl’s usually shy demeanour.

Daryl ended up going home with you, and he may or may not have gotten to expand on his curiosity at your earlier comment.