#THEY CANT DO THAT TO ME I CANT LAST TIL THURSDAY

[thisverybadartist]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

[ayakinari]

you ever just

[sad--tree]

i need to do my java assignment. i need to start my java assignment. i need to open my java assignment and look at it. i need to do my java assignment. i need to do my java assignment. i need to complete to-dos in my java assignment. i need to do my java assignment.

(<- is too afraid and overwhelmed to write a single new line of code in the java assignment)

[karatekid1]

hi guys it been a while. Well, everything right now feels like its going up and down all the time, like on monday, three days ago, my life felt so good, i was so happy, then everything went downhill again on tuesday. today is thursday and idek how im feeling, i dont got any apeitie, and my life just feel so depressing. i realized yesterday that heartstopper is like a core memory to me, like i havent watched it since season 2 came out bc people started calling it cringe and i actually started to think it were. i was just a kid back then it feels like, because every day i get older and i feel embarressed for my younger self, in like a few months i think that this me whos writing this is gonna be so cringe, why are we like that? or maybe thats just me. but what i mean is that yesterday i listened to some of the soundtrack songs, i just felt warm and happy inside, and it kept doing everytime i listeend to the songs, i stayed up til 3 am last night just rewatching the first season and it made me cry actually idk why but it just brings me so much comfort. anyway, uni going fine ig, some subjects are really terrible, but im surviving. me and benjamin (the nick to my charlie) are still together and idk tbh how hes feeling ab me atp, like im so fucking stupid and annoying i think hes getting tired of it. i feels like im slowly loosing my mind again bc of everything. i hate myself for the way i act towards people. most people i know would call me nice, they do, but then i literally argue with everyone over stupid shit just bc i am sensetive. and i dont know how to deal with myself, i just get so easily mad and jealous of everyone and its starting to spread out more over the people i love which is not meant to happen but i cant control it. how much i try to be nick, will continue to always be charlie. what was i made for? i dont even know myself anymore. people say they're proud of me but i will literally treat them like shit without even realizing it myself. all i really want is to be seen and heard, but i end up embarresing myself, overshare or just make people upset. im just a failure, im not supposed to be here, i dont fit in. i dont know whats right or wrong anymore i just want to live my life, but im literally just miserable. i try so hard everyday, to get people to like me, to make me like myself a little bit more and not hating myself, but when ive done something wrong i cant even realise my mistake until so long after ive done it, and i feel so stupid. i dont deserve to live the life that i do. i dont deserve any of this. i try to be like everyone else, i try to be interesting but if you try too hard no one is gonna like you. and if youre not interesting people wont wanna hang out with you bc youre boring. you should be funny but not mean, you should be perfect but not fake, you shoulld be thin but not starve, you should be smart not a tryhard, you should be yourself but not different, you should be happy but not annoying, you should be kind but not too kind because then people will use you for their own good. i hate humans, i hate what we've made this world into. sorry this became a whole vent post but im just so tired of living without having anything to live FOR.

[unanimousone]

J, Tues, 12/09/2023

super questioning when i work a 13 hour day and just feel hyped and kind of want to go workout. but i dont think that im going to. i think i'll just take a shower and chill out. i have to go back tomorrow, and i think i will be there til Thursday. they say that that should be our last day, but who knows how long it'll be before they act up again and do some dumb violent shit? so here i am just thinking and thinking some more. about everything. the good and the bad but the good thing is that im not really obesessing about anything specific. i usually will if something is bothering me or on the other side of the fence, if something is sooooo fucking good and i dont want it to end. but i dont really even dothat anymore because i know that it leads to rash and impulsive acts that can usually turn things from good to stupid. and thats not what i want. i mean i do obsess about you but i make it a think to have some control over it. so its in a healthier way than not. i only want things to be healthy with us. and i know that it doesnt always work that way, not at first but it can be accomplished with time and practice. something that im willing to do. more goals, baby!! i definitely have to put myself in check and see the real and not let my mind play too much games on me. and when it does i have to just remind myself that it isnt all about me and that life is happening weather i like it or not so i just have to try my best to enjoy the wins and let go of things that really shouldnt matter to me. but what if they do matter to me? and i just dont know how to go about expressing my insecurities and such? what if the things thast my mind if fucking with me about are things that really need to be addressed so that i can grow further? but no…see im so back and forth. i dont want to sound dumb but i am how i am and idk if you will like that. i think that i may come off as bugging and in all of this i really have no right to even question anything, nor is so much of anything any of my business. but the mind will still do what it does, but to be honest i have seen much improvement in myself and that is something good. i hate my negative behaviors and such and im glad that im making progress towards them. but this is only one thing to be in here and see progress. what about in person? is that gonna fuck me up completely? am i gonna have to learn a whole new level of growth? and am i ever gonna get out of my bullshit ways? i mean wtf is wrongwith me? i have a lot of work to do and i know that i dont want to push you away. i dont want to lose you. its one thing if you happen to go another route, but if im the one to cause the loss of you it would be such a disappointment and i would probably just go into questioning my worth and such, yada yada, well i guess i would feel down if you were the one to decide to go another route too, sigh…kind of hard to explain. im a fucking nut and you have me going crazy for you. its good and bad, i think. but the bad comes from my side of it all. its good because you are fucking perfect and positive and openminded, and lovely, and beautiful, and i could just go on for days. but i just have never met anyone like you and its just great. youre fucking amazing. i cant get enough. and im going to do my best in the situation of "us"

[punkinroses]

.

[rosies-pastimes]

hi rosie. it has been a while >-<

a big hug for support! send packages of love to you right now

school's at a very busy period for me at the moment, but I'll push through! you got this too rosie ~~

dfgfgh haha no I haven't 👉👈 pancake and sugar cookie are really really adorable

why do you have to write a love song T-T what kind of homework is that 😫 I feel you

ahh you didn't make all of the fences yet... right? and oh another design :o

yess I have saved it somewhere safer now + may will probably heed your advice and write it down somewhere else too

*holds phone delicately* take care of the screen...

oh t-the creampuff- that flustered me real bad /~\

yes yes they looked yummyy (understandable why they are keqing's favourite)

that does remind me that I should go look for some new hoodies that will be comfy hehe cuddle buddy ahhh

it is a very nice colour!! um um um I always say blue haha but there are so many shades...

sdfgfdfg it's okayy (I've never watched either but I do know of them! more ohshc but still not a lot)

I cannot believe we are already halfway into the third last month of 2021 :')

- 🎮

i decided to put my replies in a readmore cuz theyre so long omg-

AND I EXTENDED THAT WHILE IM SORRY 😭😭

shit happened and monday - wednesday felt like i was living a fever dream, and thursday was spent with my extended family and my social battery ran tf out til friday BUT IM HERE NOW IAJIXSJ COPIUM TINGZ 😗✌️

ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ sends love and support aswell WE GOT THIS 💪👁️👄👁️

THEY ARE!! I SAW THIS TIKTOK WHERE SOMEONE TOOK OFF THEIR HATS AND PANCAKE'S HAIR WAS SO FLUFFY 😭😭 IT WAS SO CUTE and is now buried underneath all my favorited videos 🥲-

it was for a creative writing class 🤷‍♀️ i was supet poetic for 2 stanzas and then the chorus flopped it wasnt funny to me 🥲

i may have ran out of wood and got diatracted while farming for it so no u havent done all the fences yet hwehwe 👉👈 nor have i touched my teapot because ive decided to get the new inazuma thingy before i do 😌 AND THE GLOWY PLANTS IM IN LOVE 🥺

the real screen has a little wittle itty bitty crack from when i dropped it down the stairs and i wasnt using the phone case and theres a little nook with no protective glass protecting it 🥲 take care of your screens kids 🥲

child ➖👄➖ of ➖👄➖ the ➖👄➖ lord i had to put my phone down and take a deep breath-

it's been kinda warm here in my city, so hoodies are not an option 🥲 i cant wait for rainy season again 😭😭 cuddle buddies 👌👌

blue is like, so peaceful and calming 😭 it reminds me of the ocean 🥲 i desperately 🥲 want to 🥲 go visit 🥲 BUT CANT 🥲

im not sure if ive asked this before but do you have a favorite anime?? omg im awful HAHAHA

3 more months and its 2022 and i stg if i have to suffer ANOTHER YEAR IN THE HOUSE I WILL RIOT I HAVENT SMACKED MY FRIENDS FOR THEIR DECISIONS IN SO LONG 😭

on the bright side ill be 18 in january so adult tingz at last HAHAHA

[keyflight790]

2019 Fic Wrap-up

Hi all! This is more for my shitty memory, so I’m going to hide it all under the fold, but I wanted to do a little summary of the 45 (what???) fics, art and podfics I posted on A03 this year. Some of them are unrevealed, so they’re left off (erised, owlpost, mini-fest, etc) (heres my 2018 wrap-up!)

Total Word Count:  181k

Number of Fests: 12

Number of Stories/Art posted to AO3: 45 (including 5 arts & 2 podfics!)

Drarry: 24

Drarryville: 3

Neville/Others: 9

Ron/Draco: 3

Ginsy: 2

Other: 4

Most Kudos Fic: Tending the Flames 

Most Commented on Fic: I Just Want to be Fucking, Happy

Fic with the most Hits: Tending the Flames

Fic with the Highest Word Count: Risks Worth Taking

Fic I’m Most Proud of: Risks Worth Taking

Tumblr Drabbles: 

Drarry - Harry and Draco in class

Drarry - Daddy Potter & smol Draco

Veela!Neville

Drarry - Stockings

Drarry - Discord Drabble

Drarry - Royal AU

Drarry -  You’re enjoying this so much, aren’t you?

Drarryville - Flu

Drarry - Nobody knows you better

Drarry - thirsty Harry

Drarry - Poem

Drarry - Harry looks like sex

Drarry - Moving in

Silver trio - Nightmare

Drarryville - spoiling

Silver trio - alone

Fics

Drarry

General, Teen, Mature

Two Minutes - gifted to @hatsonhamburgers and based off of How I Met your Mother

Coffee Cup - gifted to @call-me-hopelesss - Coffee Shop AU

Fear - written for the @hpdarkarts My Bloody Valentine Minifest and was later podficced by smirkingcat!

Explicit - Top Harry

Catching the Niffler - written with @tsundanire for @bixgirl1 and it got amazing art!!! thanks @cheekytorah-laceybauthor!

Fake It til you Make It - favourite line - “It’s all pretend. Surely even you can pretend to be happy, Potter.” 

Risks worth Taking - written for the @hpconsentfest for @thirdeyeblinkings and theres a cat named Marzipan

Hook(up) - written for father @fantom-ftnoise and involves a hook and fucking off Ministry Time

Delay(ed) - I watched porn and then wrote it what even is my life now. Harry doms but bottoms in this one

Quite a Big Mission You've Got There - written for bixgirl1, I think I ran out of innuendos and I don’t care.

Explicit - Daddy Harry (all written for or with @mothermalfoy)

Feathers and Lace - the tinkling bells are one of my fav additions

Tending the Flames - i cant believe this is my most read fic ever, I wrote it in an afternoon. I’ve spent months on others 😂

Come On, Potter - Draco is such a shit when he’s horny

His Noble Love - written with @mothermalfoy, I haven’t written a full AU before, and really enjoyed this one (esp. protective knight Harry unfff)

Explicit - Top Draco

Dragontamer - written for @dewitty1 for her bday and the @dracotops-harry fest - 

I just want to be Fucking, Happy? - written for @lqtraintracks after binging several fics, fighting then fucking is my entire drarry aesthetic

Last Christmas (I gave you my cock) - written for the @wireless-festive-minifest and @tsundanire ‘s birthday, I came up with the title before I even started the fic

Explicit - No Top/Bottom

Bolt in the Darkness - Written for my first @hpdailydeviant and based off of lightning kink

Everything to Lose - written for the @hd-fan-fair and it has my fav pet so far, Niles the Knarl

Other

Dron - I wrote three Drons, all for @ohlookagaydraco! 

Checkmate - for the @rondracofest

Swallow it Down - ofc Ron has a food kink

Absolution - Draco has needs and Ron is able to help

Drarryville 

Sexting Station - @jeldenil wrote Sexting Central and was so gracious to let me respond

Get The Engine Running - and then we wrote some amazingness together!

Small Comforts - based off of @upthehillart ‘s artwork with trans!harry for the @growing-neville fest and one of my biggest accomplishments of the year for sure

Herbtamer

Cups and Swords for @awesomedig - they write such amazing herbtamer, and I was so excited to write this pairing for them

Tugging on My Heart(strings) for @buttertyrant for the rarepairshorts summer fest - and has CARDIGAN KINK which, I mean...so Nev.

Dreville - The Sun, The Heat - written for @dreville, who shares my love for Neville and Draco

Neville/Luna/Rolf - Fire and Ice - written for @hpdailydeviant and I did a ton of research on how candles are made - all which was irrelevant to the fic

Harry/all the other Gryffindors - Dare for a Lion - for @malenkayacherepakha -Dom!Neville and Ron being all wide eyed and Harry feeling safe, and I just love how comfy these boys are together tbh. There’s a part II coming in February, so...get excited!

Silver Trio - Looking Forward To - written for the @chubbynevillefest I have a real soft spot for these three

Ginsy - Let Me - gifted to @fleetofshippyships and theres an entire 3k more that I need to flush out and finish

Neville/Minerva McGonagall - Darling - written for the @hpdaddyfest and feels like the best/worst fic Ive written all year - it was definitely a guilty pleasure of mine to write these two, but I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to do it again.

Foam Friends

Flonks - Protection Detail by nachodiablo for the @hpwlwbigbang - I made a gif and finally it worked...I think.

Ginsy - Single and Snacking in Phoenix, AZ by @violetclarity for the @hpwlwbigbang - Ginsy flies!!!

Jeddy - Blind Adventure for @shiftylinguini who I admire through foam so often

Podfics - my first year doing these!

Drarry - Thursday Mornings 

Herbtamer - The Gladdest Thing Under the Sun by @tackytigerfic

This list doesn’t include the 5 or so fics that are still anon.

Thanks for checking out my year in review! Consider yourself tagged if I’ve tagged you in this, or if you’ve made it down this far!!! Happy Christmas everyone!

[squeakynico]

i don't know what's wrong with me today... i actually got a full night sleep (without even getting the 4am-ies), but i had to pull over three times on the way back from Atlanta in order to nap in the back of my car, and i just took a 2 hour nap when i got back home, and now i am still exhausted...

i started my taxes at Parkgrounds, but then my dad called and i decided i would rather do them at home anyways? but now i would rather just... not do them at all.

my dad and i always have good, productive conversations... this time he had aa lot of good advice as to why i should Not move to New York. he called it a Shithole, and there's really no was that i could afford it anyway, now. nope, looks like i am stuck in Peachtree City now! at least i know how Not to get arrested here now :D

Fletcher's alter ego is Penelope Peachtree... gosh, it would be nice to see her again, but i fucked that up Royally. i could visit Austin, if it weren't for covid, and hang out in the backyard with Bruno and Dmitri, and give Bruno his awesom3 book about Mice i haven't written yet for his birthday on the 17th, and there would be a party and maybe Fletcher would be there and i could apologize for all those things i said when i was manic. Horrible Things. or really just really weird i guess, about like, having to help rescue Satan from Hell, and Jesse Garon's little lost soul coming to inhabit my body, and i wish i could make a porno in this hotel room, will you please kiss me?

i also just... kept messaging her, even after i think she blocked me, because secretly i thought, i dunno, that she *hadn't* blocked me and was just pretending? i would message her about how depressed i was, about the cat i had just got from the pound, about how i was trying to be a truck driver but it wasn'r working, all sorts of things. it was nice to just, message a blank wall which may or may not have been read by Fletcher.

at some point i stopped messaging, or messaged less and less, until one day on the way back from Arkadelphia for Thanksgiving i just decided to... come back through Palestine. it's only about an hour dip to the south, from i30. after that, is when visiting Palestine became my stupid pasttime.

i had a lot of cognitive dissonance too at the time, knowing that i was drinking too much amd wanting to quit but not being about to stop myself... now i've pretty much embraced my soft (beer) alcoholism, and i'm much more at Peace - like Homer Simpson. but for a while, i would swear to my self - THIS is my Last Shiner.

THIS Is my Last Dos XXs!

THIS is My Last Modelo!

Last Dales Pale Ale, Last Budweiser, whatever, it just went on and on, because there would always be another one... and what the Fuck is wrong with that? SO I LOVE BEER. i Know my Limits, and i Do Not Get Drunk.

my tolerance is incredibly high though. when they took me into the ER for my skull injury at Grady, i think they said i was at .14 . for my last DUI, i was at .19. . for the DUI before that, i think it was .192 . i cant remember much, since it's been years now... i think when i'm drinking (which is basically any moment that i am awake where i am not at work) i must maintain at least a walking drunk of about .10 .

a walking, *talking* drunk. i am incredibly functional, socially, when i drink. and i can be incredibly productive too, although it feels like an eternity since i've been Truly productive... i have to stay sober now, til Thursday when i see my P.O. and she gives me my last random drug/booze test (apparently they always give you one at the very end). i feel fine, not so different now than when i am drinking, only i feel sadder.

maybe that's where the sleeping is coming from too? only two days ago when i was still drinking, the same thing happened... anyways, it would just be nice to apologize to Fletcher. the last time i saw her, was at a Minimal Aminal show in Austin two septembers ago. i got to carry her amplifier to the car, and she seemed impressed ❤

she also seemed tired. she left and went home and me and Nigel went and partied in my hotel room. it was a silly night, but then i had flown in from Nashville Just to see that show. I had taken a greyhound from Champaign to Nashville (i got kicked off the Amtrak platform for lookin funny, or else i woulda been in New Orleans), after having trained into Chicago on a whim to see my friend Wesley Colors (i just spoke to her on the phone last night, which was nice, even though she's always so Down on herself) -- iiee Height of my Mania. Fletcher knew that, because she had been seeing all my texts, up until that point.

what she must have thought when i showed up at their show that night, i don't suppose i will ever know... i could barely even speak to her then, i was so shy in person. but i got to carry her amp. and once when i walked into the bathroom at the Mohawk she was taking a picture of herself in the mirror, that she posted later on instagram ((she looked really good, always does from what i can remember 🦔🦔🦔))

what was i even saying? OH, she is an astrologer now, so maybe she could tell me what my houses of the day are like, and why Neptune wants to run me off the road with fatigue or something... it would be so nice if i could pretend i was somebody else, and secretly get a reading with her. i wonder if she has a website!

[crispyapplepies]

Copy pasta improvised terra-slept-with-joshua-and-ven-is-upset-about-it fic i wrote in a discord chat for any terravens willing to overlook the present tense sketch writing, i hope you enjoy the angsty comedy drama --

so by chance, vens assigned gym partner for the day is joshua~ sora is stuck with roxas in the bg which is also amusing if you wanna know the background noise to this xD ven is an utter sweetie and has no personal problem with joshua so hes happy to pick up his slack on their activities today since he understands some people just dont care for athletics, especially when they have pretty looks to preserve for rehearsal tonight^^ at the end of class joshua offers his coy appreciation to ven who was such a cute gentleman today in getting him through that~ and then he makes some remark about how he never wouldve guessed ven even was that physically inclined given what he thought terras taste in men was~ ven lowers an eyebrow and asks "huh? what does that mean? =o=" and joshua chuckles "oh it was a long time ago, nothing to wonder about now~ i will say this though, you my friend? are one very very lucky bottom ;) keep a close eye on him." and then he saunters off to his next class. ven squints =.= hes a lil grumpy now x)

come lunch time, terra and aqua have already sat down at their usual table, seniors come in first, and theyre settled in with aqua going over some extra terms with terra for their history exam. sophomores finally file in and ven marches over with the tray of food he didnt even look at when he was at the counter. terra turns with a smile to see him and plants his usual kiss hello on his cheek as ven sits down with a slight fwomp, not responding to it. terra asks "everything okay? :o" and aqua looks over to check if hes feeling alright, not spotting any signs of sickness. ven responds almost gritting his teeth "i've been better. =_ =" terra tells aqua he'll help her study in a minute, cuz obviously upset boyfriend takes priority<3 he sinks his fingers into vens hair and asks him if he wants to talk about it. and ven takes a deep breath, trying to resume his usual Good Boi Angel attitude, gently swats terras hand away and says "Maybe later, you and aqua can go ahead and study! 8) I'll even help you if you like~" terra recognizes that this is certainly not over but hes not gonna force ven to talk or anything so he kinda nervously says okay.. and then tells aqua "Wanna quiz me?" and aqua says sure, and starts reading off the list of vocab words only for ven to suddenly smack the table and turn sharply to terra and ask "WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME YOU SLEPT WITH JOSHUA????" and terra just- O//__//O oops.. and aqua looks at terra all disappointed and grossed out and groans "Oh, terra, you didn't... >~<" and terra is so embarrassed and tries to explain to ven's scowl "i-it was a long time ago! really it meant nothing! :'D... a-and besides it was even before I met you! so.. thats- alright?" and he glances over at aqua hoping for some kind of validation but she just goes "ughh..." in the most smh big sister voice xDDD

ven exhales, trying to cool off and be rational, but his usual sweet happy face just cant help being all =_ = at terra, and he says "I guess its- fine, but- gosh, really? joshua? you didnt have feelings for him, did you? er was this just a fling? how long ago was this?" and terra stumbles to answer saying "i-it was- um... back when i first came out! people were telling me i couldnt say i was bi if i'd never had sex with a guy too, so i- had to prove it! thats all, really, it was nothing meaningful to me, honest<3 :'3 I'm not like that." as he cups vens cheeks playfully, but where theres usually a smile between puffed out cheeks theres still just a >:T ven folds his arms and tries again to collect himself and says "i guess i get it.. i guess xT thats really all it was? no more secrets?" and terra swears with his hand up and his eyes closed "I swear thats all it was v_v." aqua shakes her head and tells terra "Youre gonna owe ven preeetty big after this blows over :/" but before ven can even respond terra has already jumped in to tell her "I'll do anything to make ven happy! theres absolutely nothing to worry about~ :')" and ven is still kinda pissed but he finally says "okay. i'll let it go. here aqua, i can read off the list and quiz both of you" and aqua slides ven the paper to read off while she glares at terra who glares back at her as if to say 'drop it =.='

so thats the end of it for the day, and the next day too, but then the next day is gym again, and whatever sora and roxas are struggling with in the bg is still going on xD and ven and joshua are partners again. ven is still not comfortable with the idea of his terra sleeping with joshua, the twink incubus of the school fdkjgh but hes a nice boy so hes going to continue being nice and get joshua through this "drag of an hour, and not even the fun kind" pff joshua can kinda tell ven is pretty tense today though, unusual for him since ven is always the nicest kid in the whole school next to maybe sora. so finally near the end he asks if something's on his mind and ven realizes ack, what am i doing? there is no reason for me to be such a jerk. so he tells joshua "im really sorry, I mean it, I have no business acting like this;; i just- when i found out you slept with terra i was kinda.. uncomfortable about it to say the least, but i have no reason to be, youre perfectly nice :) besides, it was before he even met me so it doubly doesnt matter~^^" but thats where joshua raises an eyebrow. "oh? i think youre a little mixed up there cutie pie~ terra and i had sex together last year. some time after you transferred. I was amazed at the offer, really, i honestly thought that once he met you, none of us other cuties had a chance. but it looks like he landed you in the end, so it is of no matter. but i do certainly hope that you and he are happy, terra is quite the catch and we'll all be quite jealous of you til the end~ catch you around ;)" and thats the end of that conversation. ven. is. livid. 8)

so ven actually skipped lunch with his friends 8) terra looks around curiously, he still isnt showing up and hes not texting him back either. aqua asks him "doesnt ven have gym today?" and terra answers like its a dumb question pff "yeah? its thursday, everybody has gym today. its gym day." and she shakes her head at him and says "I think you should give him some space. im pretty sure i know where he is. :/" terra looks uneasy tho. "do you think hes okay?" and aqua says "oh... im sure he will be." terra grips his arms and tries not to think about it 8)

senior gym class is last period and they start filing in as the juniors file out. terra fist bumps riku on his way in xD terra is practically exempt from whatever is on the activities list cuz hes.. terra and gym class is honestly childs play pff he finishes everything in 2 seconds anyway. so usually the coach just lets him bench press for a while. highschools are bullshit xD aqua has that privilege too but she considers it a warm up before her practice later and does them anyway. terra takes his time prepping the bench, saving himself the trouble of dealing with the crowd in the locker room, and once they all run out he yoinks his gym bag up to his shoulder just to be extra pff and marches on in there to change. weird that everyone is snickering at him on their way out though... he walks inside, humming mindlessly to himself cuz gym class is his chance to relax after school before his practice. and then he half screams in surprise as his gym bag falls to the floor. ven is sitting right there in front of the lockers with the angriest look on his face terra didnt even know he /could/ make jhdfgl ven "sings" out "hello, terra. >8(" and terra just- run kdjfhglhdfsg

terra runs back to the bench as if he can just- run away from reality kdjsfhgljkdfs xDDD and start bench pressing cuz he doesnt know what else to do sdklfjhglsdj im having too much fun with this i love dumb ass jocks and soft cuties xDDD ven launches himself on top of terra pushing down on the weights terra was about to pump up and yells "YOU SLEPT WITH JOSHUA WHILE YOU WERE COURTING ME?!?!?!?!!!!"

(everyone in the gym is cackling quietly to themselves at the display sdfkjgh this AMAZING xD) terra looks up at ven in fear and stutters "I-I didnt think i had a chance with you! you didnt seem interested D:!" ven yells "OF COURSE I WAS INTERESTED YOURE JUST SHIT AT FLIRTING!!!!!!!" terra tries to calm him down "youre gonna break the bench press, ven! D:" the coach comes over at all the yelling and yells at them "HEY, break it up--" only to be shut right up when ven glares at him and growls and terra looks at him utterly terrified dfkjhg and motions for him to leave them alone. the coach is both very scared of ven xD and also doesnt wanna lose his quarterback so he smiles and holds his hands up in surrender and says "hey, you know what? why dont you two work it out amongst yourselves?^^;;; maybe somewhere that isnt my expensive bench press though?" ven yells "FINE." and grabs terra by the wrist and drags him back to the locker rooms using a scary strength terra didnt know he had dkfjglh O_O;; aqua pauses her stretches and shakes her head and mumbles "it was nice knowing you, terra. :/" and then resumes her work out xD

well ven flings terra into the locker room and shuts the door with a slam and chews him out. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HUMILIATING THIS FEELS?!!! YOU SLEPT WITH THAT LITTLE HORNDOG AFTER I CAME HERE AND THEN YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT IT SO I HAD TO FIND OUT FROM THE HORNDOG HIMSELF?!!! GIMME YOUR BEST EXPLANATION FOR THAT, TERRA, JUST TRY ME!!!! >8UUUUUU" terra reaches out his trembling hands bravely to try and calm ven down, before he pulls his hair out and he cries out "I'm SORRY, i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry, okay, I didn't do it to hurt you!!!! It was just a small thing-" "AHAHAH IS THAT WHAT IT IS THEN??? WELL IF IT WAS SUCH A SMALL "tHinG" THEN WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO ME ABOUT IT, WHAT OTHER SECRETS HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING?!!! DID YOU SLEEP WITH RIKU TOO? ANYMORE CHEERLEADERS I DONT KNOW ABOUT??? OR MAYBE JOSHUA AGAIN AT SOME POINT????!!! >8'DDDD"   ven is about to lose his mind sdjfhg terra is starting to feel upset too ;~; "No, I don't have anymore secrets, after we started dating I havent even so much as THOUGHT of anyone else! I mean that! :'U" he pleas, finally managing to place loving hands on vens shoulders as he prays for forgiveness dkfjhg ven finally just cries it out letting himself sob into his palms and terra steps in closer, hating to see ven cry, and this is much worse knowing hes the cause of it ;-;

ven glances up again, terras scent hitting him and that warm chest right in front of him that he loves and he just buries his face in it not knowing what else to do dkfgh terra holds him, stroking his back, mulling over in his head how many ways he could apologize for this but then ven pushes himself away again, hes still so upset >~< and he sniffles "why. did you lie to me about it." terras face goes red and he fishes for his words "because i- i care what you think ven." ven scoffs, but his frown hardens and he wipes his eyes "you care what i think, and so you LIED to me? what am i supposed to think?" terra replies quickly "i dont know :'u i guess i just didnt want you to think..." ven holds himself and turns away. terra supposes he has to just- be honest then, its worth a try if  it keeps him from losing the love of his life. "Look, I- I lied because the way you look at me matters to much. I care what you think of me more than anyone else, ven." ven sniffles, his back still turned to terra "oh yeah?" and terra glides over to turn him around and look at him, taking vens hands in his. "yes! ven youre the nicest, kindest, most pure hearted person i've ever met. i cant even imagine there being a darkness in your heart. who even says "slept with" and "courted" anymore besides a sweetheart like you? youre like an angel to me, but i- dont have the best reputation anymore. and the number of partners ive had seemed to disgust you. it broke my heart the way you looked at me the other day knowing that id slept with joshua. like you thought i was- i dunno.. im sorry i did it, i really am. i never wouldve done it if i'd known you really did want me too." ven reaches up and places a hand to terras cheek promising "Terra, I think the world of you. i wouldnt be with you if i didnt think you were a great person. the best even! you know how much i admire you. i just- was I just a fling? how do i know im not the next joshua or shiki you sl- have sex with and drop?"

and terra leans down to kiss his forehead and chuckles "because you're you, silly." that gets ven smiling again, the cornier the better with him<3 he presses his nose to terras chest and slides his arms up over his back for a tight hug and terra is so relieved they got through that dkfgjhdjl f ven tells him "I'm sorry for making you feel judged. i was way too rash about that whole thing." terra tells him its alright, imeanididlietoyouafterallahem.. ven goes = _= for just a second, cuz yeah that sure wasnt cool dfkjgh but he removes it cuz mostly hes back to smiling and he pulls himself away to look up at terra again, admitting with a blush "i guess i'm still in disbelief that youre really mine. maybe in 5 years or something i'll believe it" ven chuckles at his joke, but terra smiles down at him very sincerely and says "then i'm counting the years with you til then~" and that just tickles him and he jumps up to give terra make up smooches for a while<3 eventually they emerge from the locker room, ven clearly looking like hed been crying but smiling away again, even feeling okay enough to go to class now, cuz hes a good boy who wouldnt just ditch at that point like i would xD terra looks relieved too. aqua breaks formation when she sees them come out and runs up to ven to ask if hes okay and hug him if he needs, but ven says "everythings fine :) thanks aqua~" and aqua looks up at terra to double check that and terra nods affirmatively that yes, everything is fine. ven nudges aqua "see you at practice today~" and waves at terra too, knowing he prefers not to smooch in front of the other seniors;; but terra tells him to hang on and he runs over to give him a smooch goodbye and all is well after that<3 and axel snarks "tchh- drama queens :/"

[dementedgnomicwizard]

schedule of Events my last few days

-tuesday night we went to see cats and got home probably around 1, tossed and turned til 7:30ish, drifted off for a bit

-wednesday 8:15AM woke up for my 9 am drawing studio, took my adderall

-wednesday 9AM-11:50AM had the first half of studio

-wednesday 11:50AM-1PM took the supply list the teacher gave me to blick bc im the only new addition to the class this semester so i was the only one who didnt have what we needed -_-

-wednesday 1PM-3:50PM second half of studio, went home and hung out for a little bit

-wednesday 4:50PM left forr my 5pm studio class

-wednesday 7:20PM studio ended and i told devin i was gonna stay in the lab and try to get just a bit more of my homework done in advance

-thursday 2:45AM i finally fucking look at the clock for a second and realize what ive done

-thursday 3:15AM i go home and shower

-thursday 4:somethingAM i realize im not gonna be able to fall asleep and resign myself to wandering our apartment until 8

-thursday 8AM started getting ready for my morning class, took my adderall

-thursday 9:30AM-11:50AM morning class

-thursday 11:50AM-12:10PM went home with devin and started listening to the tma s2 q&a together

-thursday 12:12PM julia texts me “WERE DESTROYING A TREE” without any further context and i leave the room at a sprint to get to dain’s room where i know they must surely be

-thursday 12:15PM-12:35PM we invent new tree- and sled-based sports in the parking lot

-thursday 12:35PM i excuse myself to go back inside and finish my homework before my afternoon class

-thursday 12:40-1:15 spent fruitlessly trying to get tree sap off my hands until devin wisely pours canola oil on me

-thursday 1:30-2PM finished my homework really fast and spent the rest of my time producing latex worms at a feverish pace

-thursday 2PM-4:20PM afternoon class, i stay behind for like 10 more minutes after class because i was typing up a document for my tma rp acc lmfao (this is also the class period during which i planned the tunnel tweets in their entirety)

-thursday 4:45PM i arrive back at the dorm to see if devin is ready to go to the tunnels with me and he’s not cause he’s eating soup. i hang out and wait for a little bit because i had to do make sure all the worms were dry and pack them up anyway but once the worms were packed and he still wasnt done i decided to just go by myself

-thursday 5:15PM arrive at the machinery building trying soooo hard not to look suspicious or like i’m making a beeline for the tunnels

-thursday 5:35ishPM leave the machinery building much sweatier and MUCH, MUCH more dirt-covered than when i entered

-thursday 5:45PM frantically scrub the rust/dust/dirt/tunnel muck off as much of me as i can and smoke a little of devin’s weed before we leave for class, took my afternoon/evening class adderall. realize we both forgot to shoot reference videos as we’re walking out the door, run back inside, shoot videos quickly, run to class

-thursday 6-8:20PM class, also this was when i was finally posting the tma tweets i’d drafted earlier w/ attached pics, one every few minutes

-thursday 8:30PM walk to prontos with devin

-thursday 9ish-like 12AM hang out with devin jade and g

-now it is friday 3:15 AM i dont know how i got here. i gotta go to fucking beddy  bye but i cant make myself get up to take my makeup off

[sumastudies]

so, this is how it’s going (for me)

it’s currently day 20 of my self-isolation journey. my department in uni had us do one last day (friday the 13th) of normal classes because i had 2 labs and quizzes that, so we did those and then the isolation began. and now im losing my mind.

a little background: i got sick the week the government here came out with the announcement that uni is gonna be off for 3 weeks (now extended for the rest of the semester being online). that decision didn’t come out until thursday the 12th. the thing is, i usually dont get too sick? like, it’s pretty normal for me to start feeling sick, have a bit of a scratchy throat and maybe a headache, stuffy nose too, but my immune system always always manages to fight it off in a couple of days. so since it’s pretty rare for me to get sick enough to want to stay home. in the beginning of that week, i thought that was what was gonna happen too, but by wednesday, it seemed that yeah, im sick and my body is too tired to fight it off. see, i sort of didn’t consciously think about going to uni - it was a given that i had to. i had a lab midterm i HAD to do on tuesday, and then i couldnt afford to miss my classes for the rest of the week (for the sake of material and i didnt want to go over my nonattendance allowance), but then on thursday afternoon at like 2pm, after a full day of classes since 9am, i fell asleep in class out of pure exhaustion, and that’s when i knew that i absolutely HAD to stay home. imagine the frustration. if i’d stayed home that morning, or at least skipped 1 class, i’d have felt marginally better, at the least.

but i couldnt. my classes wouldnt end til 7.30 that evening, and i had the 2 labs and quizzes to prepare for and go to the next day from 9am-6pm - only then could i let my body rest.

so i got through both classes that day, and got back home so tired all i could do was lay in bed so tired i didnt even change out of my clothes, with guilt weighing down on me because i wasnt studying for the next day’s labs. by 12am, i was so frustrated and bone-achingly tired that i just gave up and texted a friend to ask the TAs in the morning lab if i could do anything to compensate what i’d miss if she didnt see me in the morning. then i took finally go to sleep with alarms for 6am that i would get up to if i heard in the morning to study. here’s when the sobbing starts out of nowhere.

in hindsight, i dont know if it was just a normal flu that my body couldnt fight off due to physical exhaustion, or if it was something else. (bear in mind, that was the week when only the first case of covid19 was reported here, so logically it couldnt have been but the paranoia was definitely there and definitely scary as hell)

fast foward to now: it’s been 2 weeks of online classes, and one more before that of netflix only, and im just about losing my mind. i came to stay over at my friends’ after only the first weekend and now idk if i wanna go back to my apartment alone or if it’s just because my mind is generally restless and i just wanna go back to be with my family. (that’s a whole other story tho)

even worse, i cant bring myself to focus on my classes, even though i wanted them to start so bad that first week i had to do absolutely nothing, for the sake of some structure. my uni plans to give some projects/homeworks to replace midterms at least, the fate of finals is still undecided, and labs might be done in the summer, and i cant get myself to study even for myself and my own growth. the way i’ve been wanting to since winter break in jan.

this unmotivation is killing me, and i know im not the only one feeling this way, i know that literally the whole world is in this situation and mindstate right now, but i feel like i want to explode. i cant help but blame myself and my own fucked up brain for not being productive and being good for myself, just like i always do.

i want to do more with my life with all the time that i have now, work towards my future career somehow. even the internship i was supposed to start planning for this summer is probably gonna be suspended or whatever.

i study both pharmacy and business admin, and i feel like it’s more accessible to try and do something with my business degree in some way, but my brain has never been trained to be of the entrepreneurial type.

im just. so sick of being in limbo like this.

i havent even been able to get myself to write (anything, of any sort) in MONTHS

i dont even know when i can get back home to my family, since no one’s accepting any incoming flights and im not even a permanent resident so. fuck all this shit.

[twogoliathbeetles]

TAGGED BY: the amazing @iankabra thanks so much 🧡🧡🧡

RULES: ANSWER 21 QUESTIONS AND TAG 21 PEOPLE (i’m not going to be able to do that but ye)

NICKNAMES: nel is a nickname for eleanor, i have one friend who i’ve known for 11 years who calls me ellie (pls do not i will block you) my family calls me nellie. 

ZODIAC SIGN: pisces sun, i think libra rising but i might be wrong it’s either that or pisces, don’t know moon.

HEIGHT: somewhere between 4′9 and 5′1.

HOGWARTS HOUSE: hufflepuff.

LAST THING I GOOGLED: phil hartman because kiki’s delivery service has an ‘in loving memory’ for him and me and my friend wanted to know who he was.

FAVORITE MUSICIANS: mika, belle and sebastian, george michael/wham, tom rosenthal, gerard way, hozier, the internet.

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD: i’m currently listening to miserere mei, deus by allegri so that i guess

FOLLOWING: cant be bothered to check.

FOLLOWERS: see above also as madie so wonderfully put it ‘who gives a shit’.

DO YOU GET ASKS: whenever i talk to people about my height so i guess that’s discourse now. 

AMOUNT OF SLEEP: on thursday i got 2 hours bc i was watching a film til 4:30 but usually 6+ hours on weekdays and 8-11 hours on weekends.

LUCKY NUMBER: i don’t have one but 13′s my unlucky number bc i’m too superstitious.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING: my mum’s old dress from monsoon in the 70′s, yellow corduroy jacket, dangly raindrop earrings.

DREAM JOB: if physics didn’t involve maths something in physics, but sadly not. idk i really love history and french so if i can be doing those for a living somehow i’d just love it.

DREAM TRIP: just love going to the seaside i want to go to blackpool someday, but as long as i can get home at the end of the day.

INSTRUMENTS YOU PLAY: violin badly.

LANGUAGES YOU SPEAK: english, french-ish, want to learn german but idk if i have time, i remember a few russian words so them i guess.

FAVORITE SONG: god idk,,, listening a lot atm to   like dylan in the movies   by belle and sebastian, and also   seeing other people?   of all time probably   no place in heaven   or   oh girl you’re the devil   ?

RANDOM FACT: i want to change my name to something old like maureen (and then be called morrie) or agatha or peggy like margaret because i don’t think eleanor suits me.

CATS OR DOGS: cats but i’m allergic to them and both my family pets have been dogs.

AESTHETIC: idk... i like old clothes and long coats and plaits and dangly earrings? but that’s just like,,, what i wear lmao.

anyway idk who to tag but @little-irish-rabbit and anyone else who wants to basically.

[i-swear-im-not-crazy-well-maybe]

Possible TW

I just want to overdose. I counted all my meds yesterday and i have enough olanzapine and lorazepam to do it. But I’m waiting til Thursday when i see my psychiatrist and case worker. Ive only met them once like over a month ago, so i dunno if i can trust them or how they’ll react. I’m not planning on telling them I’m thinking of overdosing because they’ll get my dad to take my meds away and hide them. I’m just gonna tell them I’m thinking of hanging myself and another way if i fail, but not mention overdosing.

I came out to my dad last night because he knew something was wrong because I’ve been staying in my room all day. I told him how depressed i am and how i wanna kill myself and how i feel so ashamed and guilty.

No one knows that I’ve stopped taking my meds, and since stopping my antipsychotic a week ago i cant sleep. I stopped taking my antidepressant this morning because its clearly not working and its not worth taking, it just gives me a headache.

My dad said i need to try and hold on until my next court date which is on the 19th of November. I don’t think i can do it.

I’m a mess, i want to overdose now, but i wont.

[swampgallows]

ive been in a really bad “mortality funk” ever since i went to the ER. this shit plagued me in my early 20s and i would have panic attacks over it twice a week on average but a lot of the anxiety abated once i had a job (til the dissociation set in). the anniversary of the accident was a few days ago and ive been having flashbacks of the crash the last couple of days, been waking up screaming and this morning i woke up crying, cheeks already wet with tears. 

i drove on thursday when i went to the doctor and i saw a crash, a car flipped over onto its roof, and there were people gathered around with their heads in their hands. it’s one of those sixth sense things, a palpable dread, where i could just.... feel that death had occurred. then my heart leapt out of my chest when i saw a fire truck coming toward me in my lane, then turn and block 3 lanes of traffic to pull up next to the accident, tailed by an ambulance. i meandered my way around and it took forever to get home (and im still not the best driver, so it was kind of nerve wracking). at one point i tried to take a side street and... i dont really even know what happened but a guy was about to clip me so i legit drove up a little bit onto the curb to avoid him, nearly hitting a parked car in front of me. still have no idea how i didnt hit it. but it made an awful tire screeching sound, i guess of the wheel bumping up onto the curb. i heard it in my head over and over. 

when i went to bed that night i kept seeing myself hit the parked car when i shut my eyes, even though i didnt hit it. it was fine. i turned off my car and even got out and checked and there was like a foot between my car and the parked one, cars swarming all around me in currents of traffic. i just sat in my parked car after that until things let up a little bit. it was so fucking hot, even though I had the AC on the sun was beating down on me through the windshield. i just wanted to get home so fucking bad, i had already been at the doctor way longer than i wanted to be. and driving at 5pm in l.a. is basically a death sentence. 

when i went into the doctor that day i was smiling and feeling good, and i legitimately thought to myself “this time it’s a good thing”. i loved going to the doctor because i felt like “i’m taking care of myself. i am healthy”, but now i feel...so much older than i am, and i feel like “now i am in the process of dying. i am coming to the hospital because i am breaking down and dying.” i dont want to think like this because i’m truthfully still quite young, and all this will do is make my anxiety worse and drastically decrease my quality of life by constantly feeling like i’m going to drop dead in two seconds or that i’m wasting away. 

i guess i still have a lot of trauma about cars. driving around makes me feel better because i feel like im gaining more control of my life and of the fear, but it’s also just fucking rough out there lmao. 

i want to write more. i want to keep typing. ive been using tumblr too much today but i cant really seem to get engrossed in anything else. ive been so fucking on edge lately and the atmosphere in the house has been bad too. i constantly feel like somebody is about to fucking snap at me or like im going to get in trouble.

my tooth is hurting again. ive had the temp crown for over a year now. i need to fucking call and get the root canal done. for fucks sake. need fillings on th emolar too. maybe even another crown. need a crown on the other bicuspid. fuck my shitty mouth dude lmao

[dearroseyy]

I never had this solid relationship with my siblings. And it sucks every single time. Oo buong buhay ko na ata kami laging on & off daig pa namin ang magjowa pero ibang level kasi kapag kapatid mo e. Tapos talo ka kasi bunso ka kasi laging bala nila, disrespectful ka for answering them back at di ka nakakakilala ng mas nakakatanda. Nakakapagod, nakakadrain. I really tried my best not to care pero sis mga kapatid ko yan. How can I ignore them?

Just when I was confident of trusting my brother, he started this year by getting money from my savings, without any permission. And just like the old days, hindi ko na sya kinonfront kasi he never admitted it at ayoko ng away ng dahil lang sa pera at wala din si mama sa tabi ko. I know money is just money. Pwedeng pagipunan para palitan. Pero bakit masama ang loob ko? Kasi it was my last money. Since I filed a leave last year, wala na akong sahod. Wala rin naman akong naiipon talaga kasi I always fill in pag short sya. Lagi pa sya umuutang tapos yung latest lang nababayaran at yung mga una, babye na. At alam nyang wala na akong pera, pero nagawa nya pa ring kumupit. Pero ang pinakamasakit kasi sakin dito is that nasira na naman ang tiwala ko. How can you feel safe inside your house if alam mo yung kasama mo hindi mo mapagkakatiwalaan sa pera? Matutulog ako na hawak ang wallet? Do I have to secure every single centavo before going out? Ang hassle, ayoko ng ganun. That's when I started to feel uncomfortable, again.

I did not go back to my job. Hindi naman kumontra ang mama ko. I was clueless on what to do after passing the boards. And despite I stayed in the province for months, I still pay my part sa apartment kasi hindi sya kaya ishoulder ng kuya ko alone. Worse, manghihiram sya ng pera kay mama then I will see him post about his new pair of shoes. And he has a new pair of shoes monthly, starting december last year. This may hindi ko alam kung may balak na naman sya. Ang alam ko lang kaya nauubos ang pera nya dahil sa kapricho nya na wala na sa lugar. And mama and i cant do anything about it.

Good thing is nagoffer ang boss ni mama na magstay kami sa unit nila since my gf was hired sakanila. So I dont have to pay monthly rents anymore and I dont have to see him everyday. Kasi nakakastress lang talaga, as in.

On the other hand, never ko naman talaga nakasundo ang ate ko. Bukod sa fact na sa ninang ko sya lumaki, iba talaga ang ugali ni ate. Na kahit mga pinsan ko, pinapakisamahan na lang sya.

Kahit ako, pinapakisamahan ko lang din sya.

I remember nung umuwi kami sa legazpi dala yung sasakyan, sumabay sya. She brought along a friend. As usual, hindi nasunod ang oras na pinagusapan. Buti na lang master ko na sya kaya sinadya ko rin na late umalis sa bahay until magtext sya na papunta na sya.

Ayaw nya magbigay ng share sa gas. Even sa food. Siningil nya yung friend nya ng double sa singil ko sakanya. Akala nya di ko alam na sa friend nya lang galing yung perang binigay nya.

Nung pabalik kami, same old scenario. Sya pa ang nainis kasi bakit daw hindi ako humingi kay mama at alam ko naman daw na may medication sya. I snapped. I told her na bakit ako hihingi e hindi naman kasama si mama. And mama gave her money for her meds. Hindi ko mapigilan hindi uminit ang ulo kasi she earns almost 3x of what I earned. Tapos bigla akong sisingilin ng binayaran nyang lunch nung pauwi kami kahit alam kong friend nya rin ang nagbayad? Nakakagago. So I told myself never bring her along again.

Ngayong elections, gusto nya sana umuwi. As usual, sasabay samin. Personally, ayaw ko. Kasi alam ko ang ugali nya. Pero ayoko naman maging cruel sakanya so I told her the truth na aalis kami ng Friday or Saturday since may work pa til Sat. Pero gusto nya umalis ng Thursday maybe because off nya na and bumalik ng Manila ng Monday. And I told her I cant promise since call ng office kung kailan makakabalik kasi minsan may mga pinapagawa. I was not reasoning out, I was telling the truth. And bilang nakikisabay lang sya, she must not demand. Dapat sya ang magadjust samin since nakikisabay lang sya. But what can I do? Ganyan talaga sya.

I woke up one day and saw their messages sa chat asking kung ano ang number ni mama. Hindi nila alam pareho ang bagong number ni mama so I gave it.

When mama called me I asked her kung bakit sya tinawagan ni ate. At sabi ni mama naiinis daw sakin si ate kasi ako daw ang nagsasabi kung kailan ang alis at balik at parang ayaw ko syang sumama. Pero alam ni mama ang totoo, alam nyang hindi ako nagrereason out kaya sinabihan nya si ate. Kaya wala rin syang magagawa. Ngayon, may ipapadala na lang daw pauwi at di ko alam kung gano kalaki at karami yan kasi dati sabi nya konti lang pero napuno ang sasakyan. Scam.

You know why I never tell these stories to people I know? Its because they always tell me to prioritize myself but I just cant do it. Tipong nakakaya ko silang iignore for some time tapos eventually I will invest time on them again. Aminin man natin o hindi, iba yung care ng isang kapatid compared sa kaibigan. Pero sadly, mas feel ko yung love & care ng kaibigan kesa kapatid.

I remember an old friend telling me years back that I have to go abroad and start a new life there. Sa ibang lugar lang daw ako matatahimik at hindi magugulo. Pangit man pakinggan, kailangan kong pumunta sa malayo para malayo sa stress ng family ko. Sabi ko noon, hindi ko kaya. Pero ngayon, pakiramdam ko na kailangan ko na talaga.