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tightjeansjavi · 1 year

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Burning in a Hopeless Dream

Boston QZ: Part 14

“Chest infect me, waste my days”

Joel Miller x f!o/c

A/N: well, here we are! I made it (fucking finally) this chapter turned out to be a LONG one. Second longest one I have written, thus far!

Summary: After finding out Robert sold the battery you and Joel needed for a truck to find Tommy, you hunt him down. The day takes an interesting turn when you, Joel, and Tess run into a spitfire teenager, named Ellie.

~word count: 8.5k~

Warnings: implied age gap, established relationship, angst, more angst and oh, even more angst! canon typical violence, triggering themes, may be disturbing for some viewers, physical violence, being held captive, death of a minor character, trauma, PTSD, depression, brief suicidal thoughts, mentions of drinking, drug use, explosions, depictions of graphic wounds, swearing, anger, rage, arguing, cluster fuck of emotions, (+18) minors dni !

Songs for this chapter :

“Hourglass” by Catfish and the Bottlemen

“I’m a Mess” by Ed Sheeran

“Pirate Song” by Mehro

“Disarm” by The Civil Wars

“Blood In The Cut” by K. Flay

Summer, 2023 : Boston QZ

Believing that Robert was just going to hand you, and Joel, the car battery you so desperately needed, without spilling a little bit of your blood, was truly laughable.

This was by far the stupidest thing you agreed to thus far. You didn’t have much of a choice as Joel’s nightmares, overall mood, and attitude were worsening. Why he also decided to trust Robert's word, was beyond you.

It came as no surprise when you found yourself being jumped by two of Robert’s goons in broad fucking daylight. This was definitely not the way you wanted to start your morning off. The only positive? Perhaps you would soon find yourself getting some decent fucking sleep again.

One blow to the head was enough to knock you out cold. You were awoken by someone snapping their fingers in your face. Your head painfully throbbed and you could taste copper on your tongue from your split upper lip. So, Roberts goons had roughed you up a bit. You couldn’t really blame them for it, considering you and Joel had killed their friends.

“Ah, there she is. There’s the pretty little bitch.”

Robert. Of fucking course.

You couldn’t help but laugh as you lolled your head to the side, refusing to look at him for a moment. You took a deep inhale, then exhaled as you turned your head, looking him dead on with a smirk plastered on your lips.

“Took you fuckin long enough to come after me. Pretty predictable of you. So, what’s gonna happen next? You gonna kill me? You’d be doing me a solid favor if you did honestly. Haven’t had a solid night of decent fucking sleep in months.”

“You think this is funny, sweetheart?” Robert was not expecting you to laugh, let alone suggest that he kill you.

“Oh, I find this to be fucking hilarious. You wanna know why?” You leaned forward in the chair, as you spoke, “doesn’t matter what you do to me. Beat me up, torture me, kill me. Do your fucking worst. I just know you’re a dead man regardless. Cause as soon as Joel finds me? He’s gonna know exactly who to go after. It’s gonna be you Robert. So again, go ahead. Take your revenge on me. I know how fucking badly you want to.”

Robert had leaned down to your level, gripping your chin tightly between his grimy fingers. “Is that a threat, my dear Gwen?”

You laughed, spitting a mixture of saliva and congealed blood on the bastard's face. “How the fuck can it be a threat when it’s a known fact that you’re a dead man Robert. You and I both know Joel well enough that he’s not going to take this lightly.”

Robert had released his grip on your chin, using that hand to wipe the blood and saliva from his face. You didn’t even get a chance to open your mouth to speak before his fist collided with your face, your nose made a sickening crunching sound as the soft bone tissues were broken.

Ouch.

There was fresh blood leaking down your nose, over your lips, chin and neck, staining your shirt crimson. Robert’s face was slightly horrified when you laughed again.

“Damn. That must have really fucking felt good, huh? You gonna do it again? C’mon, is that all you really got?”

He couldn’t get under your skin if he even tried. You had absolutely zero fucks left to give and frankly, the soothing sensation of blood leaking out of your body, felt pretty nice. You were eerily calm.

“I meant what I said y’know. You’re crazier than him.”

“Oh please, tell me something I don’t already know.”

He chuckled taking a step back as he admired his ‘handy work.’

“I’m feeling generous today sweetheart. Consider us even. You had to already know that I wasn’t going to give you the battery, right?”

“Oh I’m fully fucking aware that you weren’t going to give me the damn battery. Joel insisted, and I trusted his word. I deserved to get my blood spilled a bit. Although, I’m thinking maybe I went too easy on you. Maybe I should have twisted the knife a little fuckin deeper—“

He backhanded your face then. The motion nearly gave you whiplash as your head twisted to the side.

“Did Joel ever fuckin tell you that mouth of yours is gonna get you killed one day sweetheart?”

You turned your head, looking right at him once more with a smirk.

“Oh, he’s told me about 1000 times already, Robert. You aren’t special.”

Robert had brushed his grimy thumb against your cheek and you grimaced, fighting the urge to bite his fucking thumb off right then and there.

“What’s gotten your panties in such a twist, sweetheart? Miller not giving it to you the way that he should be?”

What was it with men assuming that women were pissed off just because they weren’t getting “fucked” the way that they deserved. Why did it always come down to sex? Maybe you were fucking pissed because your ass got jumped by these goons, and your nose was fucking broken as a result.

Fucking grimy ass excuses for men, always thinking with their dicks.

“He’s giving it to me just fine. Thank you so much for being concerned about my sex life Robert. You’d never get the fucking chance. I’d bite your dick off in a heartbeat.”

Robert let out a soft sigh as he snapped his fingers once and the two guys that roughed you up in the beginning, released the restraints from around your wrists.

“I know you’re his killing machine, dearest but you could also become mine. The offer still stands.”

“That’s where you’re mistaken, Robert. I’m my own killing machine, and right now? I’m done with your shit, and I would very much like to go home and drink till my face stops fucking hurting. So are we done here? I’ll tell Joel some idiotic teenagers jumped me and roughed me up. Your name will not leave my mouth, I assure you.”

“I’m choosing to trust you, just this one time sweetheart. You go on and run along back to Joel now.”

Just as your wrists were finally free, you heard a collective yell, followed by a loud explosion. You were sent tumbling to the ground, your ears ringing and there was a good chance you had a concussion from the impact. You could feel warm blood dripping down the new gash on your forehead.

Fucking awesome.

You struggled to pull yourself up from the concrete, grabbing ahold of what was left of the wall closest to you for support.

Both of Robert's goons were dead on the floor beside your feet but Robert? He was gone. Motherfucker always had his ways of escaping death. He was like a fucking cockroach. Cut its head off, and the body still moves.

You stumbled outside, the sunlight blinding your vision as your ears continued to ring. Your head throbbed painfully but you were still sharp enough to hear gunshots whizzing past you.

“Free Boston now, mother fucker!” A firefly had yelled. Of course this was another firefly attack.

All citizens must clear the surrounding area immediately. Do not return until FEDRA authorities permit.

When you saw FEDRA soldiers marching up the street, guns drawn, you backed up slowly, with your hands above your head.

“On your knees!” One of the soldiers had demanded

You said you weren’t a firefly, but they didn’t believe you.

You were shoved down to your knees and then it was lights out for the second time that day. Hey, at least you were finally going to get some decent fucking sleep.

Ellie Williams was like most typical teenagers. She had a bit of an attitude problem, she had gotten into fights, she was defiant, had a mouth to her. Ellie was also a devout friend, and she loved hard. What made Ellie unique, and valuable, was something that she viewed as a burden. Ellie was immune.

If she was so fucking valuable, then why the hell did Marlene have her chained up like this?

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

“Four.”

“Five.”

“Six.”

“Seven.”

“Eight”

“Fuck…you.” The teenager spoke with a bored, and annoyed expression on her face. She raised her middle finger up at the medic, who didn’t even look amused by Ellie’s actions.

“Hold out your hand—”

Ellie already had her hand raised.

“State your name, slowly and clearly.”

“Veronica.” Ellie deadpanned.

“Same as yesterday..and the day before and the fucking day before that..I think you get the picture.”

“People are going to come looking for me.”

“People from FEDRA! You hear me?”

“Let me out or you’re gonna pay motherfucker!”

“I’m not supposed to be here!” She yelled.

The medic had already left and the door was slammed shut as Ellie sank down to the ground, in frustration.

On the wall across from her, written in red paint (or even possibly blood) were the words, “When you’re lost in the darkness”

It was late in the evening, sometime after curfew when you were thrown out of lockup.

Your body hit the concrete with a harsh thud as you rolled onto your side, letting out a groan of pain.

You waited until the FEDRA fucks had pulled the steel door shut before you slowly pulled yourself up onto your knees, leaning over, with a mix of blood, sweat, and dirt covering your body. Your eyes were squeezed shut as the dull throbbing in your head began to intensify.

For a split moment in your agony, you thought about how nice it would be to go home, go to sleep, and never wake up again. It flashed through your mind before your heart reminded you that it wasn’t your time yet. You couldn’t leave Joel. You couldn’t do that to him. He was far too entangled in your soul. The thought of leaving him in this cruel, godforsaken, shit fucking excuse of a world, sent a wave of pain right through your heart.

You would not be dying today.

The walk back to yours and Joel’s apartment felt like it took days. By the time you reached the stairs, you were winded and seeing stars behind your eyes.

All you hoped is that Joel was asleep already. You were too wounded, too exhausted to deal with his impending interrogation. All you wanted to do was have a few drinks, and knock out.

When you quietly unlocked the door, you were met with silence, sans the static of the radio by the window. You let out a sigh of relief, your shoulders drooping in as you stumbled inside.

Joel must have only gotten home a little before you did because there on the table was a bottle of whiskey, with your name on it.

Sweet-sweet relief.

You sunk down into the chair, letting your head rest back against the worn wood. The blood from the gash on your forehead had stopped bleeding hours ago. It was crusted over, the blood congealed but it was still painful to the touch.

You wasted no time to snatch the bottle up and take a deep, long swig of the amber liquor. It burned down your throat deliciously.

You took a few more swigs, hoping that the liquor would ease your worries, and lull you to sleep.

You set the bottle back down along the table, and that’s when you noticed the residual powder from the pills that Joel would smuggle in for ration cards. You dragged your finger through what was left, observing it before you let out a deep sigh.

The tears came shortly after. They raked through your body, sending chills and shivers down your spine as you silently wept. Your tears were heavy and flowed down your cheeks like a babbling stream. Your breaths came out shallow, jagged, and you tried desperately to regain your composure.

You wept for Joel.

When your tears finally did cease, you dragged yourself up from the chair and padded down the hall to yours and Joel’s bedroom.

That’s where you found your lover, laid on his side, his back facing the door. His arms were crossed over his chest, almost as if he was hugging himself, in place of your warm, familiar body. He often would sleep with his body facing the door, with his good ear uncovered. You knew it was a particularly bad day when his back was facing the door, as if he didn’t care who the fuck would come into his space.

Your movements were silent as you sank down onto the old mattress, careful to not disturb him in his slumber. You brought your arms around his middle, gently coaxing his back against your chest. You knew your wounds needed cleaning but at that moment, you didn’t care. You just wanted to hold him.

Your face comfortably rested along the crook of his neck, breathing in his natural musk. A mix of pine, gunpowder, and whiskey. You felt him stir at the slightest when your arms had so gently wrapped around him.

“Baby?..” he whispered, eyes still closed as he brought his hands around yours, interlocking your fingers over his tummy, as he let out a long, peaceful, exhale.

“Shh..” you softly cooed. “It’s just me. Go back to sleep lover. You’re safe.”

He let out a low hum, drowsily bringing one of your interlocked hands up to his lips, brushing them over the outside of your hand, and against your knuckles before his body relaxed again.

You awoke sometime in the middle of the night to a presence looming over your face. You knew it was your Joel by the way he was ever so tenderly holding your face between his calloused hands. His thumbs were lightly brushing against your cheeks. They were splattered with dry blood and grime. Your eyes were still closed, but you could picture the furrow of his brows, and his clenched jaw in your mind. His thumb had softly brushed against the dried blood against your hairline, eliciting a wince from you.

He was furious. You could sense it coursing through his entire being as he carefully assessed the damage inflicted on your beautiful face. You were hurt; someone was going to pay for it.

When his thumb brushed across the scabbed skin of your split upper lip, your eyelashes slowly fluttered open.

“Who did this to you?” He spoke above a whisper. There was a slight strain to his voice as you looked up into his deep brown eyes.

“Joel—”

He spoke firmer this time. There was no way in hell that he was going to let you dance around this.

“Who.Did.This.To.You.” He asked with a low growl emitting from his chest as he spoke every syllable.

“Robert.”

There was a moment of silence between you, you could feel his warm breath fanning your face, his eyes locked on yours. His features hardened. You could only imagine the millions of ways Joel was thinking of killing Robert in those moments.

“Did he—did try and?” Joel couldn’t even form the complete sentence and by the way his face constricted, you knew he was seeing red. If Robert ever— you remembered the unpleasant chill that slipped down your spine when Robert had brushed his grimy thumb across your cheekbone.

“No, baby. He didn’t. I promise.” You reassured him.

You could see a brief moment of a relief wash over your man’s beautiful, weathered features. It was gone as quickly as it came. Hidden from your view and replaced with hardness once more.

“I’m so sorry Gwen. I should have been there. Baby, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. Thought maybe the fucker was scared into intimidation. Thought it would be safe. My sweet girl, I’m so sorry.”

You let out a deep sigh as your eyes fluttered shut once more. You were exhausted, physically, and mentally.

“It’s not your fault Joel. I should have been more cautious. Two of his guys knocked me out in broad daylight. I wasn’t watching my back and that’s all on me.”

“No. It’s not your fault. I insisted that we trust him and that he’d give us the battery. I got you fuckin’ hurt dammit. Don’t start this shit with me okay? You coulda been fuckin’ dead in alley. He could have—” He insisted.

“Joel, please. I don’t want to argue. I’m tired and I got thrown in fucking lock up for the rest of the day. This was a collective fuck up on both our parts. I’m not going to let you take all the fucking blame. I won’t allow you to do that to yourself.”

“You got fuckin’ thrown in lockup?! For what?” He harshly spoke.

“Another firefly attack. Bombed the building next to us. FEDRA had me down on my knees and I insisted I wasn’t a firefly, but they didn’t believe me.”

He shook his head, grinding his teeth together as he thought about the hell you had just gone through.

“I don’t care what you say, Alright? I should have been there as your backup. Was fuckin’ stupid of me to let you go in alone. Shoulda known that you were goin’ to get set up.”

“Joel. It literally doesn’t fucking matter right now, alright? I got my shit handed to me and I made it out alive. Can’t you just for once focus on that? You can’t always be the hero there to save me every fucking time I’m in trouble—”

“Like hell I can’t.” He spat.

“You could have fuckin’ died. I ain’t about to brush over that fact. This happened because I’ve been blinded by the fact that my brother could be dead out there. Fuckin’ careless of me.”

You let out a deep sigh as you slowly sat up so you were more level with him. Your hands were gently holding his face now as you tried to bring him back down to earth. He was fuming. His chest was rising at a fast rate, his nostrils flared and his pupils dilated.

“Joel, listen to me alright? I’m right here. I am alive. I am breathing. I’m injured, sure but c’mon, you and I both know I wouldn’t go down without putting up a fight.”

Joel took a deep inhale through his nose, closing his eyes for a moment as he relished in the softness of your hands holding his face. No amount of your softness could keep his anger at bay. It was there, it was simmering, and it wasn’t about to go away.

“Do you have any fuckin’ idea what I was put through when you nearly died on me the first time? Do you have any idea what I felt, sweet girl? I don’t care that you made it out alive. You could have fuckin’ died and I wouldn’t have even known! I would have found you in a ditch or a fuckin’ alley—” his voice broke as his tears began to freely fall.

Fuck.

“Joel, stop it. Please stop! Listen to me. Please just listen to me. Listen to my voice. Do not allow yourself to go to that place, okay? For fuck sakes, baby. I’m right here. I am holding your fucking face in my hands. I’m breathing, see? Do you want to feel my heartbeat?” You pleaded with him, grabbing his hand and placing it against your chest, where he could feel the steady thrum of your heart beat under his palm.

“You don’t fuckin’ understand. You’re alive, you're breathing. You’re here right in front of me. You’re right here, but how do you expect me to just fuckin’ act like there wasn’t a possibility that you coulda been dead? That possibility is always fuckin’ there and I can’t—I can’t lose you.” He admitted.

“Joel, do you hear that? It’s my fucking heartbeat. It’s my blood pumping, my lungs producing oxygen. Please, I’m begging you to just focus on that. Can you just try, for a moment?”

“I understand that there’s always going to be the possibility that you could lose me, I get it baby. It’s scary. I get afraid of the possibility of losing you too, every goddamn day. I try my best to not let it consume me. Sometimes the thoughts win, sometimes they don’t. I don’t focus on the times that they win, I focus on the times that I persevere.”

Joel let your words sink into his core, to his very soul. He knew he was getting himself worked up. Instead of minimizing his fears, you helped him work through them. He didn’t realize that you shared the same fears as he did. The fear of losing each other.

“I’m sorry.” He finally spoke, letting his head hang between your hands.

“Joel, you have nothing to be sorry for, okay? Please, baby. Look at me. I know you were scared. Hell, I was too, okay? I—almost thought of what it would be like if I had fucking died today. Whether it would be from the injuries I sustained from Robert or Fedra knocking me around a bit. When they threw me out onto the concrete and I was just laying there? The thought crossed my mind.”

Joel was silent as he slowly lifted his head to look back up at you, he spotted your fresh tears and then his arms were around you, pulling you into his broad chest as your legs found their home around his hips.

“No, my sweet girl. Please tell me this isn’t true. You didn’t have those thoughts. You were just..you were in pain and confused. Maybe the heat came into play? You weren’t thinking clearly, that’s all.” He tried to convince himself.

He was clutching you so tightly to his chest, you felt like you almost couldn’t breathe. He was afraid that if he let you go, you’d turn to dust before his very eyes.

“I’m sorry. I wish it weren’t true. It was a moment that briefly washed over me as I laid there. I thought of you Joel. I thought about how I couldn’t leave you like that. I wouldn’t. This is why I understand you, okay? I have my own set of fears, just like you. The only thing we can do is try and not let them win. We’re survivors, remember?”

His fingers were under your torn shirt, feeling the warmth of your skin against the pads of his fingers, his hands splayed out across your lower back, feeling you naturally lean into his touch.

You had managed to sneak your hands back up to his face, letting your fingers stroke his coarse, wiry beard.

He spoke finally.

“I got you, you got me, always.”

“You got me, I got you, always.” You repeated it back, pressing a soft kiss to his jawline as he held you.

“I take it, he sold the battery as well? Fuckin’ knew I shouldn’t have trusted that bastard.”

“He did. I also gave him my word that I wouldn’t tell you this was his doing. Told him that I’d tell you some teenagers roughed me up.” I also promised Robert you wouldn’t hurt him, but I would very much like for you to hurt him.”

Joel scoffed under his breath at Robert’s stupidity. “He actually fuckin’ believed you? I'm gonna do more than just hurt him, baby. I’m gonna fuckin’ kill him. He’s gonna answer to me for what he’s done to you.”

“I know you will Joel.”

“What the hell are we gonna do about the battery? We need it for the fuckin’ truck. It’s the only way we’re gonna get to Tommy at this rate.”

“We’re gonna get the battery back before you kill him. We’ll figure out who he sold it to. Then we’re gonna track this motherfucker down, get our battery, and our truck, and then we’ll go find Tommy. Alright?”

“Alright.” He agreed.

Joel did not allow sleep to welcome you with open arms, till he had helped you out of your tattered clothing, bathed you under the gentle stream of the shower, and tended to your wounds. You nearly dozed off in his arms as he held you in the shower. He had to coax you awake with soft touches, squeezes and feather light kisses to your cheeks.

“C’mon, sweet girl. Keep those eyes open for me. I’m almost done honey, and then you can rest, okay? He whispered against your damp hair as he washed the blood and grime from your skin.

He helped you out of the shower, wrapping you up in a towel before he had you sit on the edge of the sink, while he comfortably stood between your thighs, tending to each one of your wounds. He had the first aid kit resting on your lap as he used a bit of rubbing alcohol on a rag to disinfect the gash along your head. Once he was finished, he soothed the sting from the alcohol by pressing a soft kiss to the tender, healing flesh. Once you were both tucked safely away in bed, with your head against his chest, and his arms draped around your waist, did you finally slip into a peaceful slumber.

It didn’t take long for you to figure out where the fuck Robert was hiding. His “loyal” followers wasted no time on giving him up when you offered one of them a small stack of ration cards. You were good at doing the sweet talking. Joel was close by, leaned up against a wall, with his arms crossed over his broad chest. He was watching the exchange go down intently. When you looked over your shoulder at him, giving him a small nod, he returned one back.

“Hey, friend. Don’t worry, I don’t want anything.” A QZ resident spoke as they approached Joel.

“But if you’re feelin’ lost…”

Joel didn’t even look over at the man. He was too focused on you. His head turned only the slightest, his jaw clenched as he muttered, “You tell me to “look for the light” and I’ll break your fuckin’ jaw.”

The guy held his hands up in defense, quietly backing away from Joel just as you were approaching.

“Well, it cost us a couple of cards, but we got him. So much for his “loyal” followers huh? Gave him up just like that.”

Joel’s hand had found its way to your lower back, gently grazing his fingers across the sliver of exposed skin beneath your shirt.

“No surprise there darlin.’ So, where’s the fucker at?”

“Said he’s taking the battery to a red-tagged building. At the corner of Stillman and Cross.”

Joel nodded, letting you walk alongside him. His fingers were still splayed against your lower back. Normally, your man wasn’t one for PDA. After what happened to you yesterday, he wasn’t going to let you out of his sight.

“The one that Miguel used to use?” He asked.

“Bingo.” You grinned up at him, using your hand to shield your eyes from the sweltering sun. Your face was discolored from the bruising. The swelling from your black eye had slightly gone down along with your split upper lip. The gash along your forehead would take longer to heal. To put it simply, you looked like hell.

“We’ll take the subway tunnel under Haymarket, get into the building from below, and take Robert by surprise.”

“Pay this fucker back.” Joel swore to you.

The two of you headed back to the apartment, making it up the stairs before you noticed Tess, leaned against the apartment door with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Jesus fuck, when Joel told me you got beat up, I didn’t realize it was gonna be this bad. You look like hell Gwen.”

You punched Joel in the bicep lightly, narrowing your eyes at him. “You really just had to go and tell her huh?”

He stifled a chuckle. “She was gonna find out either way. Besides, she’s got her own reasons for wantin’ to get back at him.”

“Yeah, okay. Fair enough.”

“So, what’s the plan then?” Tess asked.

You and Joel gave her the rundown of the plan, step by step. The three of you were back at it again. It felt like the good old times, even if it was just for a brief moment.

As the three of you set out, after reloading your supplies, you had no idea that your lives would drastically change in a short amount of time. All thanks to a spit-fire teenager, named Ellie Williams.

“Well, the battery’s no good.” You spoke while standing over Robert’s deceased body, gun drawn. “He still tried to sell it, twice. You greedy fuck.” Hope you rot in hell.

There were other deceased bodies other than Robert’s, lying on the tarnished wood. A shootout had clearly taken place and Joel instinctively took the lead, stepping in front of you, and Tess, his own gun drawn. His eyes and ears focused on the sound of a human grunt, and whispers.

You and Tess came up behind him, guns drawn, focused on the sound, as Joel peeked around the corner, taking a small step down the hall.

He had briefly recognized Marlene’s face, just as his attention diverted to the door next to his side opening. In a fury, a girl had thrown herself out of the door, letting out a yell with her knife drawn. Joel wasted no time to body slam the kid into the wall. He was acting solely on reflexes, and what he believed to be an apparent threat.

Ellie had fallen against the floor pretty hard, slightly winded from Joel throwing her into the wall. She slowly pulled herself up from the ground, her breath staggered as she looked up at the barrel of the gun, and the threatening, brooding man that possessed it.

You could see the fear strike the young girl's eyes from where you were standing. You knew Joel wouldn’t shoot a kid. His thumbs were nowhere near the trigger.

“Joel?” Marlene asked, clutching her side where a bullet wound had penetrated the skin tissue. She was in disbelief that he was there.

“Marlene?” He answered back, the barrel of his gun still pointed directly at Ellie.

Ellie had tried to grab her knife from the floor, but Joel immediately slammed the toe of his boot over it just as she reached for it. He gave her a warning look, a stern one.

You and Tess stepped around the corner, your guns at your side. Neither of you saw the situation at hand as a threat.

“So this is who Robert screwed us over with?” You asked, stopping a few feet behind Joel. “The Che Guevara of Boston? I mean, war must be going pretty fucking shitty for you to be buying from scumbags like him.”

“Yeah, it obviously has been.” Marlene quipped back. She had never been a fan of yours, and you weren’t the biggest fan of hers either. Not when the stunt her and the fireflies committed yesterday, resulted in you being thrown in lock up.

“The merch was bad,” Marlene continued, “and he obviously didn’t take “fuck off” for an answer.”

Joel’s boot was still firmly pressed down on Ellie’s knife, his gun now pointed at Marlene.

“Gimme my knife.” The teenager demanded.

“What do you need a car battery for?” Joel asked, not even paying attention to Ellie’s request.

Ellie went to grab her knife from under his boot and as soon as she did, Joel’s gun was trained back on her. A mix of annoyance and displeasure crossed his face.

“Don’t.” He warned.

Marlene and Kim immediately raised their guns at Joel. Yours and Tess’s quickly followed.

“Not at her. Point it at me.” Marlene requested and by her expression alone, and the strained tone to her voice, you could tell this wasn’t just some other kid. There was always something more to the story.

Ellie’s arms were raised up against the wall, she had fear deeply rooted in her dark brown eyes.

“Joel.” You calmly spoke, stepping around him, placing your hand on his arm, coaxing him to lower his gun. He begrudgingly obeyed, looking over your shoulder at the terrified teenager with a raise of his brows.

Marlene let out a visible sigh of relief when Joel had lowered his gun away from Ellie.

“To answer your question, I need the battery for a better reason than you do. No offense Joel, but Tommy’s just one man.”

Joel didn’t like her answer one bit. Not one fucking bit. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean Marlene? That’s my fuckin’ brother you’re talkin’ about. You’re the cause of it. You turned my own fuckin’ brother against me.”

Your eyes were focused on Ellie as she slowly brought her arms down from the wall. She briefly made eye contact with you, and you gave the teenager a reassuring nod to stay put. Don’t move. Stay where you are. You’ll be safe.

“We were gonna move Ellie outta the zone tonight. I know what I did Joel. This goes further than Tommy, than you and I. Than all of us combined here.”

“Yeah? By the looks of it, you aren’t gonna make it far with a wound like that Marlene.” You scoffed under your breath.

Marlene gave you a disapproving look, focusing her attention back on Joel. “So now I’m thinkin’…you’re gonna do it.”

“The hell we are—” Joel was cut off by Ellie’s immediate rebuttal.

“I’m not goin’ with them!” Could you really blame her? You wouldn’t want to go with them either if you were seemingly held captive, with a gun pointed at you like that. She was just a kid. You seemed to be the only one at the moment who recognized this.

“Who is she?” Tess asked.

“To you? She’s cargo.”

“We don’t smuggle people.” Was Joel’s immediate response.

Ellie looked around nervously, her eyes locking on yours once more. You seemed to be the only friendly face to her at that moment.

“There’s a team of fireflies at the old State House. I know what’s out there. We were going with an entire squadron for that exact reason. Now I don’t have a truck, and I sure as hell don’t have a squadron.” Marlene sarcastically gestured to the dead fireflies on the ground in the hallway.

“FEDRA’s five minutes away. They surely heard all that gunfire, Joel. What I do have? Is you. I know what all three of you are capable of. For better, or for worse.”

“Joel.”

He turned slightly to look at you, shaking his head. “No. We don’t smuggle people Gwen. We fuckin’ don’t. This ain’t the time to be the hero, alright? We’ve wasted enough fuckin’ time already. We’ll just have to get a battery another way.”

“What are they capable of?” Ellie asked, uncertainty in her tone.

“She’s just a kid Joel. What’re we gonna fucking do? Just leave her here?”

“I fuckin’ said no. That’s final.”

Marlene tried to reason with him one more time. “You get her there safely, and they’ll give you what you need. Not just a battery. The whole fuckin’ thing. Fueled-up truck, guns, supplies, all of it. I swear.” To your ears, it sounded like too sweet of a deal. To Joel, it sounded like the best news he had heard in awhile.

He looked down at the kid then, seeing that she might be the ticket to finding his brother. He kicked her knife off to the side, far from her reach.

“Asshole!” She looked up at him, annoyance written all over her face.

You were already reaching down to help the teenager up from the floor, Joel had grasped your arm, tugging you back up, giving you a warning look.

The three of you briefly discussed it along the wall. It was clear then that Ellie would be coming with you.

“Okay, here’s the deal. We’ll get her to your crew at the State House. However, before we hand her over, they give us everything we want. If not? We kill her. Right there and then.” Tess spoke.

“Deal” Marlene agreed with zero hesitation in her tone.

“Really? That fucking fast?” Ellie spoke in disbelief. You could see the distrust she immediately felt for Marlene. For throwing her now to some complete strangers. You sympathized with the kid for that reason.

“Go and get your backpack. Now, Ellie.”

Ellie pulled herself up from the ground, grabbing her backup from the other room. On the way out, she shoulder checked Joel, bending down and grabbed her knife before she continued down the hall.

“Joel, don’t fuck this up. Please.” She begged him.

Joel gave Marlene one look, with no response before he turned on his heel, and headed down the hall.

It was pouring outside as the four of you left the building. Joel walked behind you and Ellie, while Tess was in the front. You walked back to the apartment in a haste, opening the door before ushering the kid inside, closing it behind her.

“Was it really necessary to say that we’re gonna kill her? C’mon. She’s just a fucking kid. We’re not gonna kill a kid. That’s fucking ridiculous and you both know it.” You spoke, leaned against the outside wall with your arms crossed over your chest.

“Didn’t I tell you back there that this is no time to act like the fuckin’ hero? Can you just listen for once in your life?” Joel spoke, annoyance in his tone.

“We’re not fucking killing a goddamn kid Joel.”

“Fine. What’s the plan? There’s the short way, or the long way. We’re gonna have to stop at Bill and Franks to reload on ammo and supplies, after we deliver the kid to the fireflies.”

“What if Marlene was bluffing? I’m not saying she was, but that was an awful big promise she made back there. If she’s lying, and there’s no fireflies at the State House, then what are we gonna do?”

Joel let out a deep sigh, scrubbing his hand over his face. “Guess we’re just gonna have to figure that out if it gets to that point. Huh darlin’?”

“Just think it would be smart for us to think of all the possibilities.”

“That’s why you’re the brains of the operation.” Tess chimed in. “Marlene seemed too desperate to be bluffing. This kid is obviously important to the fireflies for whatever fucking reason that may be.”

“We’ll leave after dark. Take the old route out of the QZ. I’ll tell you both one thing right now. I will not be fuckin’ riskin’ my life for this kid. You got that? Not a fuckin’ chance.”

Tess rolled her eyes while you let out a low scoff. “Yeah, alright Joel. No one’s asking you to risk your life for anyone. Don’t go and get your panties in a twist Texas. Now listen, you guys stay here. I’m gonna go home and let Bea know I’ll be gone for a few days. She can meet us at Bill in Franks. I’ll radio her when we get there.”

“Sounds good. We leave at nightfall then?”

“Nightfall. See you in a bit.”

Tess headed down the stairs, and out of sight. Just as Joel was grabbing the door handle, you stopped him, backing him against the wall.

“Hold on there now cowboy. Before you go in there, can you please try and be fucking nice? I know you’re pissed as all hell that Robert sold the battery, and now we’re in this. You gotta remember that’s a kid in there. Not an adult. A fucking kid. Don’t be an asshole.”

“Here we go again.” He grumbled.

“Do I have to fucking repeat myself Joel? Be fucking nice.”

He scoffed under his breath, letting his hands grab your waist firmly, pulling you flush against his chest. “Fine. I ain’t gonna enjoy doin’ it though. I want you to know that.”

“Yeah, yeah, grumpy. Whatever you say.”

“Cut that attitude before I do somethin’ about it.”

You shut him up quickly then with a surprise kiss to his cheek, before you slipped out of his grasp and opened the door to the apartment.

You could hear him mutter distinctly under his breath, “fuckin’ minx” before he followed you inside, closing the door behind him and locked it.

Ellie had already been snooping through the apartment, she looked slightly guilty as she held a thick book in her hands titled, “The Billboard Book of Number 1 Hits.” you gave her a reassuring nod before heading down the hall to gather up some things. Leaving the teenager with Joel.

“So, who’s Bill and Frank?” she asked curiously as Joel strode past her, throwing his backpack down as he sank down onto the couch.

“The radio’s a smuggling code, right? ‘60’s song, they don’t have anything new, ‘70’s they got new stuff. What’s ‘80’s?” Man, this kid was pretty sharp.

Joel didn’t respond as he rose from the couch, walking over to her and snatched the book, slamming it shut, and threw it down on the table with a harsh thud.

He wasted no time to head back to the couch, flopping down on it without a care in the world. This kid, this cargo was already a fucking nuisance in his eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“Killin’ time.”

“Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure that out.” He spoke with his eyes closed.

She picked the book back up from the table, walking past him. “Your watch is broken.” Ellie stated the obvious.

You and Joel had the same idea of taking a quick power nap. Conserving your energy was a smart move.

Joel awoke to Ellie sitting alongside the chair by the window, looking out at the street below.

“You mumble in your sleep. Just thought you should know.”

Joel grunted in response, slowly sitting up as he rubbed his shoulder.

“I’ve never been on the other side of the wall.”

Ellie felt like she was talking to a fucking brick wall. She sensed some form of comfort. Anything she could find at that moment.

“You guys go out there a lot?”

He sighed, leaning back against the couch. He had no particular interest in engaging in any sort of conversation with this kid, but he’d do it for you.

“I guess.”

“When was the last time?”

“Maybe a year? What’s it matter to you?”

“But you know where to go. So we’re going to be okay.”

He finally looked up at her then. He could sense her uncertainty just by the way she looked at him. His face softened, just for a moment. “Yeah. We’re gonna be okay.”

“What’s the deal with you anyway? You some bigwig’s daughter or somethin’?” He asked.

“I guess you could say I’m something like that. Sure.”

Silence.

“Oh, the radio came on when you were sleeping.” She casually stated.

This caught his attention immediately.

“What? What was the song?”

“He kept saying something like, “wake me up before you go-go?”

“Shit.” He whispered under his breath, looking down at the floor.

Ellie looked over at him, a smirk spreading across her face. “Gotcha.” she spoke in victory. ‘80’s means trouble, code broken.” She whispered the last bit.

Just as Joel was standing up, clearly not impressed with the kids' antics, and very much annoyed, you emerged from the bedroom, backpack slung on your shoulder, and the front door of the apartment unlocked, revealing Tess.

“Relieved to see you didn’t kill each other.” You mused.

Joel let out a huff as he grabbed his own bag, slinging it over his shoulder as you tossed him his coat. “You’re hilarious, darlin’”

“That’s cute and all guys but we really gotta get goin.’ If this all works out, Bea is gonna meet us at Bill and Franks, three days from now.”

“Anything for love, right?” You spoke, looking at Joel.

“Jesus Christ. I thought by now you guys would surpass the whole honeymoon stage.”

“Shuddup, Tess. I know you agree with me.” You walked over to Ellie. “We gotta take the underground system to avoid FEDRA. You got a coat in your bag kid?”

Ellie nodded.

“Good. Put it on.”

The four of you crept out into the night. The rain had let up some but there were still low rumbles of thunder in the distance.

The tunnel system was dark, and musty, but the three of you had used it many times. You knew it like it was the back of your hand.

Joel was the first to emerge from the ground, helping you out, then Ellie and Tess.

Ellie was shook to her core that she was actually outside for once as she stood up, looking around in childlike amazement. “Holy shit. I’m actually outside.”

In a flash, you grabbed her arm, bringing her back down to the earth. “Hey. Don’t be stupid, alright? You want to get yourself killed?” Ellie shook her head. “That’s what I thought. You stay low, alright. Stay close, and follow my lead.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” She spoke apologetically.

You gave her a reassuring nod. “Alright, let’s go. We’re not out of the woods yet. Last thing you want is to get thrown in lock up, kid. Trust me.”

FEDRA was on full patrol tonight. Armored trucks, helicopters whirring above. It would actually be a goddamn miracle if the four of you weren’t caught.

Just when it seemed like you were all safe, you turned a corner, seeing a FEDRA officer urinating on a concrete wall.

Fucking fantastic.

Once the officer turned around, zipped up his pants and pulled his visor up. He was shocked to see you, Joel, and Tess.

“You gotta be fuckin’ shittin’ me.”

“Okay, let’s talk this out. Lower your gun man. Ain’t no need to be pointin’ that at us. We can talk this through.” Joel spoke with his hands raised.

“Turn around. Get on your fuckin’ knees. Get on your fuckin’ knees!” The officer demanded. The brightness of his flashlight shined painfully in your eyes.

“Hold on. Take it easy—”

“What did I fuckin’ tell you, man? I said stay the fuck home. Get on your fuckin’ knees!”

You grabbed the sleeves of Ellie’s jacket, gently pulling her down onto her knees beside you.

“Listen, you let us do this run? We’ll split the cards with you. I swear on it.” You spoke, turning your head to look over your shoulder at the officer.

“Oh, will you? That’s fuckin’ rich comin’ from you Gwen. Shut your fuckin’ mouth and turn around. Put your hands on your head, eyes forward.”

The four of you obeyed, and when you could feel the coolness of the device used to check residents for the cordyceps infection along your neck, you turned around, looking up at the officer. “You fuckin’ serious right now? Is this really necessary?”

“Absolutely, sweetheart. We’re doing this by the book.”

He had scanned the three of your necks, one by one. Just as Joel started trying to reason with the officer again.

Once he got to Ellie, it all went by in a blur. She had stabbed the officer in the knee in one swift movement with her knife.

“Fuckin’ bitch!”

Joel was already standing protectively in front of Ellie, his hands raised as the soldier pointed the barrel of the machine gun at him.

“We can fix this!”

“Get out of the fuckin’ way. Move!” The soldier demanded

Joel could already hear the ringing in his ears, his heart rate quickening. Sarah’s distant screams filled his mind. The bullets, her body tumbling, her blood, the bullets, her body tumbling, her blood, the bullets—the bullets—the bullets—

Suddenly, Joel lunged, tackling the officer to the damp ground with a loud grunt. His fists collided into the soldier's face, over and over again. The bullets, her body tumbling, her blood, the bullets, her body tumbling, her blood, the bullets, Sarah—baby girl, I have to get you up—Tommy, help me!

Joel continued to throw punches, he had completely blacked out from rage. The trauma of the night he lost his baby girl, took over his senses. There was no stopping him. Each time his fist collided with the soldier's face, you could hear the sickening crack of bone, blood spurting, the soldier’s pained grunts.

You knew what your man was capable of. It came as no shock, but you hadn’t seen him this feral before.

Ellie stood behind the scene, watching in disbelief. Her eyes held no fear. Each punch Joel threw, awakened something in her. To see someone go this far in lengths to defend her? It was something she had never experienced before. No one had ever protected her like this before. She loved it.

When Joel finally came to his senses, he was breathing heavily over the deceased soldier. His eyes were dark, pupils dilated. His knuckles were severely bruised and coated in thick crimson. He looked over his shoulder at you, then at Ellie and Tess.

The device on the ground had turned red. Ellie was the last to be checked—no, it couldn’t be. She wasn’t infected. Why the fuck would Marlene entrust you with an infected kid? There must be some mistake.

“No no! I’m not sick! I’m not sick! Please, I’m not sick!”

“JOEL!” Tess yelled, holding up the device.

“I’m not sick! I’m not sick!” Ellie pleaded, pulling the sleeve of her shirt up to reveal her bite mark. Even in the dark, it looked different than the typical bite marks you had seen.

“Look! Look! This is three weeks old! I swear! Nobody lasts more than a day!”

You moved in front of Tess, grabbing the teens arm as you quickly inspected her bite mark in disbelief.

“When did this happen?!” Tess demanded.

“It doesn’t fucking matter! You have to trust me! Please! Please trust me!” Ellie begged.

“That’s enough, Tess! That’s enough! We have to get going, right now! They’re gonna catch us if we don’t run!”

You looked over at Joel, who was observing his bloodied up knuckles, you could see his trembling from where you stood. “Joel? Joel! We have to move, now!” You walked over to him in a haste, placing your hand on his shoulder. “We have to go right fuckin’ now, baby! C’mon!”

He snapped his head up towards you, understanding what you were saying. He stood up, grabbing the deceased soldier's machine gun, and strapped it over his shoulder, using his good hand to urge you forward, towards the opening in the perimeter fence. “Go, baby! I’m right behind you darlin’! Right behind you!”

A loud crack of thunder boomed overhead as the sirens wailed in the distance. The four of you had slipped through the hole in the metal fence, just as the skies opened up once more. Blinding you with a torrential downpour from the heavens.

Radio turns on, static. “Never Let Me Down Again” by Depeche Mode starts playing.

80’s mean trouble; Bill and Frank.

The four of you quickly ran through the fallen city, Joel by your side, and Ellie and Tess in the front. You glanced at each other momentarily as you ran. Even through the pouring rain, and whipping wind, you held eye contact for a fleeting moment.

Chapter 15:

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