#That was kinda still my mother's role. But simply because there was nobody else

[morningmask27]

i've accidentally been thinking too hard for the last two hours about my family and a trio of fictional siblings and the trauma's that I experienced and the shit they went through... Accidentally made some discoveries...

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[tenthgrove]

yess thank you for letting me ask you about the lore >:3c so I have to get my absolute favorites outta the way first— what kinda lore and thoughts do you have for sorbet or gelato ( <- before they get together and the earlier years of them getting together if you need a specific period ) I have to also ask are you ok if I go down the “line” and get your thoughts in other asks about the rest of the la squadra babes? Thank you sm 💖💖 I hope you’re having a wonderf day/evening

Ah! Now this is one of my absolute favourites! Apologies to anyone who has already heard me ramble about my Sorbet and Gelato backstory ad nauseam on multiple occasions, but this is really an area where I can't help myself. Besides, this is my opportunity to go more in depth where I haven't before:

(Note after writing this: It's stupidly long. I'm sorry I just can't help myself with these backstories. I couldn't decide what to leave out so I decided nothing.)

(Also please feel free to ask me more lore questions because I love doing this)

We'll begin with Sorbet, born in Naples in February 1967 if you follow the canon timeline (although by default I write in modern AU so move the dates 20 years later). His situation at birth was absolutely dire, the eldest child of an incredibly vulnerable woman and one of her clients as a sex worker. Sorbet's mother was by all means a decent woman but her severe mental illness and drug addiction made it impossible for her to be a good mother, which of course had a bad effect on Sorbet growing up. After Sorbet, she had 5 more children, all through clients, and Sorbet was saddled with much of their care.

Though he loved his siblings, Sorbet was pretty much done with this life by age 12 and was easily swept up by older boys from the local street gang, who paid him well to peddle drugs when he should have been in school. This was a very underfunded neighbourhood so nobody questioned his truancy, and within the next couple of years he had stopped going to school entirely. Shortly after this, having acquired sufficient money through his crime involvement, Sorbet left his family to stay with his new friends, moving between them on a regular basis. He also discovered his sexuality around this time and dated a few male friends, though none of these relationships got very far.

By age 16, Sorbet had earned a reputation in the street gang for skilled and passionate violence, and was selected by the ringleader to commit the group's first planned murder, in exchange of course for a lucrative reward. Sorbet accepted, succeeded, and became the group's de-facto assassin whenever needed. He continued to hoard considerable money for the remainder of his adolescence, though continued to be functionally homeless since he didn't see it necessary when sofa-surfing was suiting him fine.

Before resuming with Sorbet, let's explain the life that Gelato came from. Gelato was born in October 1967 in St. Petersburg, Russia, (Note- I previously used the city of Minsk, unaware that this is in fact, in Belarus) to an upper-middle class businessman and his Italian wife, a distant relative of French Monarchy. Gelato's relationship with his parents was rocky from the start due to the fact they would have preferred a girl after three successive sons, but any parental love they had for their youngest child broke down entirely after he was diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD at age 5, in an evaluation intending to find the cause of some behavioural issues that were really, just a response to emotional neglect.

When Gelato was 13 he, his parents, and two of his three brothers (the eldest was already an adult by this time and elected to stay behind) moved to Italy to escape some allegations of corruption in the father's business. They moved to a rural village in North-West Italy where the community was very middle-class and quite stifling for Gelato, who had enough social rules to remember in the familiar, economically-diverse city he grew up in. His behavioural issues got worse and began to include things he would later regret, such as attacking and stealing from younger children, and things he would absolutely not, like attacking and stealing from teachers. By this point the family had largely written him off as a failure, revering instead their academically successful, well-behaved older children, which absolutely contributed to the spiralling cycle of behaviour issues Gelato faced.

Then, at age 17, Gelato failed a crucial exam and was expelled from high-school. His parents kicked him out on the spot, and with no other family in Italy Gelato had very few options on what to do next. He recalled, however, one older friend having links to a street gang in Naples, and decided to see if this boy might have a route out of destitution for him. Indeed, the friend did know of a man in Naples needing assistance within the gang, but could offer no help in getting Gelato there. Seeing no other way, Gelato walked the whole journey.

Arriving in Naples, the friend's associate announced that the position Gelato was after had been taken, but taking pity on his distress, informed him of another friend who needed someone to look after an unlicensed bar that served as one of the group's main meeting points. He agreed to arrange for the small apartment above the bar to be given as payment.

Gelato accepted, but although he had now solved the problem of homelessness his life was still incredibly miserable. For one, with his pay being the apartment he had to rely on measly tips to get by, which rarely left him with enough to eat let alone anything else. Additionally, as an outsider with little understanding of the way gangs work Gelato was an easy target for abuse, and was treated like absolute shit by the bar's patrons.

By this point in time, Sorbet had just turned 18. He was, incidentally, in the same gang Gelato had joined, and a regular at the bar he worked in. For a good couple of months they took no notice of each other, until Sorbet came to be in a coincidental feud with one of the men who was violent to Gelato at the bar. When Gelato witnessed the two of them in a fight, he made the spur-of-the-moment decision to join in on Sorbet's side, knocking the patron unconscious and leaving him too afraid to visit again. For his trouble, Sorbet gave Gelato a portion of the money he looted from the fight's loser, and flirted with him lightly before going about with his evening. Unknown to Sorbet, he had just sent Gelato falling head over hills in love.

Gelato found out about Sorbet's sexuality from other patrons and, delighted, attempted to flirt with him the next time they saw each other, but his attempts came off very poorly and Sorbet actually thought he was being insulted. Angered, he dragged Gelato into the cellar to demand what was going on. Gelato, terrified, admitted having a crush, which Sorbet found to be the sweetest and most genuine thing he'd ever heard. While he couldn't promise a relationship, he did agree to show Gelato more attention in the future. But, it was only a matter of days until Sorbet found himself loving Gelato back.

This whirlwind relationship continued happily for three weeks, Sorbet greatly improving Gelato's situation through his saved money and helping him fend off the abusive patrons. Gelato, in turn, offered Sorbet a permanent place to stay in the apartment, which he accepted. Sorbet was in the process of moving his things, and they had plans to refurbish the place to make it actually habitable.

But then, everything came crashing down. One night the bar was subject to a surprise raid by the police, operating by the false assumption it was empty. Sorbet and Gelato attempted to flee but were caught, and in a panic, Gelato shot a policeman dead. Rushing to his defence Sorbet killed two more, but a fourth escaped to tell the tale. The couple knew they were screwed. Running to the headquarters of their gang they begged for protection but were informed the small group simply could not save them from a charge this serious, and gave them only a single night of shelter to plan their next move. Gelato, who remember had never committed anything more serious than minor ABH before, had an absolute breakdown over this predicament that night, and whilst comforting him, Sorbet devised a blood pact with him to stick together no matter what came.

Over the next few days, Sorbet and Gelato fled north, avoiding the police through Sorbet's skills as a criminal and Gelato's very convincing Russian tourist impression. They were almost at the French border when Sorbet awoke one night to find Gelato missing behind him. He chased his tracks to the driveway of a rural house, a tearful Gelato clutching a knife at the shut door and trembling. He informed Sorbet that he had intentionally led him to the village where his family lived, with the intention to break in and kill them as revenge for the years of abuse. Sorbet warned Gelato that this would not be good for their attempts to flee, but said he understood fully and would help him if this is truly what he wanted. Gelato agreed, and together they broke into the house and slaughtered Gelato's mother and father, additionally killing one of his brothers after he woke from the noise. The other brother, the youngest other than Gelato, was spared, as Gelato felt his role in the abuse had been comparatively more minor and he did not deserve to die. This of course, left another witness.

The massacre in the village was quickly linked to the one at the bar and Gelato was promptly identified from a comparison of DNA found at the scene to his surviving brother's. Sorbet, a known criminal, was identified soon after. Not only were the pair now known but the police figured out what their plan was and informed the French police as well, making things exponentially harder for the couple.

They made do for a while by hanging low and keeping on the move, living off money stolen from the parents' house. Eventually however, they needed more, and began making deals with local crime organisations to carry out assassinations in exchange for money or temporary shelter. While Sorbet was already a pro at this, Gelato found himself a fast learner, and soon realised he shared Sorbet's adoration for the act of killing. He felt as though he was finally coming to meet his true self.

Though the assassination deals were lucrative, they did not help the couple keep a low profile and the attacks from police were relentless. Several times, they barely escaped capture. All this was not good on their mental states, and after two years, Sorbet knew it needed to end. He and Gelato returned to Naples in the hope their old gang might reconsider protecting them, but they were met with a surprise as their old gang had been completely overtaken by Passione. Even still, the new mobsters had heard a lot about Sorbet and Gelato's exploits and agreed to get them an audience with a local Capo, Pericolo, who was impressed by the men's skills and moved by the sense of honour suggested by their love for each other. He agreed to initiate them into the gang.

Soon after this, Sorbet and Gelato recieved stands which, although not very powerful, assisted them greatly in the art of assassination. Soon, they were natural choices for Passione whenever a hit needed carrying out in the Naples area. At some point a few years in, they befriended a man named Prosciutto who had been recently forced into Passione due to his heritage. Prosciutto was also funnelled into assassination jobs and, with less of a reputation for impulsivity than Sorbet and Gelato, was the one given the order to form a new assassination squad when the need arose, around 1993 if we're following canon.

(Note, I hc La Squadra was created by Passione in response to a real life government crackdown on the Italian mafia around 1992-93, in response to an incredibly scandalous series of assassinations. In such a climate, it would make sense for Passione to want to consolidate an elite squad of its best hitmen, do avoid future problems.)

Due to personal commitments Prosciutto did not want to be the captain, so attempted to give this responsibility to Sorbet, a request the boss promptly denied. Prosciutto was, however, allowed to add Sorbet and Gelato to the team's ranks, cementing the three of them as the first members of the team.

Prosciutto would, soon enough, find another person to give the title of captain to, but that's a story for another time.

[keanureevesisbae]

Mister Cavill, your dog is kinda fat - Chapter 3

Summary: Veterinarian Olivia Tran has zero time for bullshit. After becoming a mom at age twenty three, the one thing she wants is a good life for her daughter Vanessa. Her ex didn’t want anything to do with her nor the baby and she decided that man are officially banned out of her life. But then she meets Henry Cavill at her clinic and her ban slowly starts to crumble apart. Henry on the other hand is looking for one thing: a family. And when he meets Olivia Tran, he finds just that.

Henry Cavill x Olivia Tran (ofc)

Warnings: None

Wordcount: 3.9k

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

It’s still beyond me that I told the famous actor Henry Cavill that his dog is kinda fat. The entire time from three till six a.m. was a dream to be honest. I noticed the second he walked in how handsome this man looked, not realizing he was Henry Cavill, though I thought he looked familiar. His curls were disheveled, his coat hung open and he looked pretty out of it, something that is completely understandable. However, he wasn’t just a snack—this man is a full course meal.

When he placed his dog on the examination table and stared at Kal with that concerned look on his face, was also the exact moment I felt something crumble deep inside of me. The aversion I had against all men (minus the one and only Keanu Reeves of course) was falling apart. I felt so stupid for thinking about him and how handsome he looked. Two days later, I still feel stupid.

He is a client with a dog who was sick. Had the other clinics picked up, I wouldn’t even know how handsome he was in real life. And on top of that, he is not just any client. He is Henry Cavill. The Henry Cavill, with an ass that looks good on screen, but even better in real life.

Yes, I looked. I’m still a person with a pulse who lets her mind wander from time to time and his butt definitely is part of my dreams nowadays.

Though I let my fantasies take me to certain places with Henry, I couldn’t help but turn into a soft pile of mush, as I watched him hold Vanessa in his thick arms, allowing her to play with his curls. I watched him listen intently as she started counting from one to hundred. He listened from the first number to the last and seemed genuinely impressed.

It’s rare to find a man who is willing to give a young child his full attention. In those six years I’ve been raising Vanessa, he is the first one that I encountered that is like that.

A quick Google search while he was chatting with Vanessa told me he was single. Somehow I stumbled upon multiple articles saying that he really wants a family of his own.

My mind almost wanted to think about how maybe… He could become someone important for Vanessa, because he was such a natural and the older Vanessa gets, the more I think that she needs a male figure in her life. Since she has reached the age of five, she has been bugging me about having a dad. The years prior to that moment, I was perfectly capable of being both the mother and the father. At least that’s what I thought. I came to the bitter conclusion that I’m her mother and that is it.  

But then I also realized that I should keep one one thing in mind:

Henry Cavill is dying to have a family of his own.

And Vanessa is not his own.

I want to think about something else, but I can’t. I simply can’t stop thinking about Henry Cavill and his strong arms. I’m convinced I was hallucinating when I thought he was flexing his arm muscles, when he carried Kal.

When I told Belle about this, she began rambling something about how that man oozes family man and how he makes her ovaries shake and ache for babies. I shrugged it off, thinking she was being ridiculous, but now…

I never thought I’d meet someone else. I knew that I’d be raising Vanessa by myself, though I secretly wished she wasn’t born to a single mom, who obviously had no idea what she was doing. I wished that she was born into a happy family, with a mother, a father, siblings, uncles and aunts and grandparents, but that wasn’t the case, so I tried my best to give her the best life I could possible provide for her.

And I shouldn’t think about Henry Cavill like that. I know for a fact that he has already forgotten about me and my daughter.

However it’s hard to forget about him. Especially since Vanessa can’t shut her mouth about how amazing Superman is and how he is the strongest man on earth because he carried his overweight dog into the clinic with no problem.

Vanessa and I walk back home, after I picked her up on Monday. ‘Nobody believed I met Superman,’ she says. For a second I’m afraid she is defeated, but then she simply shrugs. ‘But I know better than that.’

That’s my girl. ‘Very good, sweetie.’

‘Miss Sue send me out of class today,’ Vanessa then says.

‘Why?’ This isn’t the moment to become the overprotective mother goose. This is the moment to let her tell me in all honesty what happened.

‘I wasn’t doing what she told me to do. We had to read four pages out loud with the class, but Nicky is really slow, so I read the next page by myself, while I wasn’t supposed to.’

‘But why did she send you out?’ I ask.

‘Because I did it four times.’

‘Right,’ I say. What do I say about this? I understand my daughter completely, because I used to do the same. Besides, I think miss Sue is a bit uptight to be honest. I don’t like miss Sue. She’s always pretty condescending to me, probably because she’s ancient and thinks a child should have both a mother and a father, like the perfect housewives do.

I really hate every parent who has a kid going to that school, but on top of my hate list, is miss Sue.

When Vanessa senses my lack of reaction, she says: ‘I made you another drawing.’

I prepare myself for the well known drawing, that I can dream by now, but all the air is knocked out of my lungs when I see what she drew me today. I stop in the middle of the curb, earning me some annoyed groans from two old ladies who were apparently walking behind me, but I don’t care. I really couldn’t care less at the moment.

Oh my God, what is it with this kid and desperately wanting a father?

Okay, now I get that she wants a dad, I do, but did she honestly have to draw a Superman and a dog (where she wrote underneath KAL) inside of our house? Superman stands next to me and she tried to make it look like Superman and I are holding hands.

Oh my God, what goes on inside Vanessa’s head?

‘What did you draw?’ I ask her, though I know exactly what she drew.

‘My new daddy.’ She smiles, revealing the empty gap where her tooth was this morning, but it fell out during recess today. It’s her third tooth and I’m too much of a realist to tell her about the Tooth Fairy, since I had severe nightmares about that. She doesn’t care about the Tooth Fairy being fake (but she had to promise me to play along when kids in school talked about it), only about the money that I have to give her.

‘Your new what?’ I ask her.

‘My new daddy,’ she says. She pretends like she is talking to an idiot, but that attitude is apparently something she saw me doing and made it a personality trait of herself, since Belle once said that she is just as sassy as I am.

‘You can’t just declare every man you meet as your new dad,’ I tell her.

‘But I haven’t asked for a new daddy in so long,’ she says and to be fair, that’s true. The only thing she does, is draw me the same picture daily with the exception of today. ‘I want Superman to be my new daddy.’

‘It’s an impossible wish.’

‘But I want him as my new dad,’ she says, stomping her foot on the ground.

This is the moment she chooses to have a temper tantrum? Great, just what I need after a long day of not putting one pet to sleep, but three. ‘Vanessa, I’m not having this conversation with you. That man is not going to be your new dad.’

Am I telling her this or myself?

‘Why not?’ she whines.

‘Because not every man you like can be your new dad, so that includes Henry.’

Vanessa starts to pout, but I turn away, not being able to look at her when she looks like that, because if she stares at me with that face for a little too long, I’m breaking into the office to look for Henry’s number, so I can call him and literally ask him to be Vanessa’s new dad.

Goodness gracious, what is happening to me? What happened to my strong independent woman mindset? I don’t need a man, like the Pussycat Dolls told me growing up and I don’t need them for anything. I have managed to become a great veterinarian and a pretty okay mother, without the help of family. I’ve done so much, but I’m willing to let all that go, just so I can have one more glance from Henry. Just one more smile from him.

A bark pulls me out of my thoughts and I look over my shoulder. I not only see the chubby American Akita, but also his owner. Henry looked handsome Saturday morning, but he looks even hotter today. He wears a dark blue jeans that shows the world how thick his thighs really are and a cosy sweater, but not a coat, since men are apparently too cool to wear coats in the beginnings of autumn.

Henry notices us and holds up his hand, while a wide smile creeps on his face. Vanessa wants to rush towards him, but I grab her arm before she can run away. Seriously, my mom reflexes are no joke. Today, when a salamander wanted to wander around the examination table and nearly fell off, I caught him just in time, while I had my back turned to him. The nine year old boy to whom the weird pet belonged to, almost cried out of happiness because I saved his salamander from breaking his neck. ‘Not a word about the new dad thing,’ I tell her sternly.

She nods, recognizing the look on my face and knowing that I mean it. I let her go and when she is close enough, she jumps in Henry’s arms. He catches her easily and I hear him say: ‘What a greeting, miss Vanessa,’ followed by a lovely chuckle of his.

This girl really needs a male figure in her life, I think to myself and if it were up to me, that role model is going to be Henry Cavill.

‘I missed you, Superman,’ she tells him and I have to resist the urge to bring up the new dad thing myself.

‘I missed you too,’ Henry says to her and that earns him a kiss from Vanessa on his cheek.

There is this saying that the only ones that tell the truth, are drunk people and little kids. What if Vanessa is right? What if this man should be her new dad? She always drew a man with a dog, outside of our house.

I never saw her with another man like this. Belle’s brother is nice, of course and they are best buddies, but it was never like this. This look Henry and Vanessa share with each other.

Vanessa wiggles herself out of his strong arms to cuddle Kal, who looks a lot livelier than he did a few days ago. He excitedly wags his tail. ‘Doctor Tran,’ Henry says to me when I walked over to the three of them.

‘Please, call me Olivia,’ I tell him. ‘We’re not in the clinic.’

‘Right.’ Henry has a faint blush on his cheeks. Is it because of me or did my child say something to him that embarrassed him when she hugged him?

‘How is Kal doing?’ I ask, scratching the big dog behind his ear, while Vanessa pets his back. ‘He looks a lot better than he did on Saturday.’

‘Yeah, I’m giving him the meds you gave me and he has been his normal self again. I also bought some Purina One and he seems doing really well with the sudden change of kibble.’ Henry clears his throat and he says: ‘It’s hard not to give him as many snacks as I want to, but I’m trying my best.’

‘Oh, you’re that kind of owner,’ I smile, before shoving my hands in my pockets. ‘Well, he looks happy and better than Saturday, so that’s good.’

I honestly have no idea what I can say to him, so for the first time in forever, I’m hoping Vanessa can break the ice here. I just pray she doesn’t force us to sing that Moana song, because that girl will get her way, especially when it comes to singing songs. I once had to sing “Love is an Open Door” (both Anna’s and Hans’ part) to her, when she locked herself in the bathroom at the library because something scared her.

Our eyes meet for a second and it’s like she understands me without words. ‘Mister Henry, what were you doing out here?’

Very good, Vanessa.

‘I was walking Kal,’ he says to her, crouching down so he doesn’t tower over her.

That’s adorable and all of the sudden I understand that shaking ovaries comment Belle made a whole lot better. I’m willing to give this man the family he wants, but I need to stop thinking right now.

‘We will walk with you.’

I wasn’t hoping for that kind of ice breaker. ‘Sweetheart,’ I say to her, ‘we can’t just say that. Maybe he has an appointment or something else that is important.’

‘I don’t mind,’ Henry on the other hand says, completely disregarding my parental efforts. ‘We could use some company actually.’

While my common sense is telling me that this isn’t a great idea (he is a client at the clinic, he just wants to get into your pants, he is just being nice), my heart is pounding like crazy, loving this idea.

‘Please, mommy.’ Vanessa folds her little hands together and pushes out her bottom lip, blinking her eyes like she’s some sort of puppy. This kid knows what she’s doing, because the chance I’m saying no now, is basically non existent.

‘Okay, sure, but you stay close now. No wandering off. If you want to go somewhere, ask me.’

‘We can go to a nearby park,’ Henry suggests. ‘Kal can run free if he wants and we can keep an eye on them.’

We can keep an eye on them. Don’t start hyperventilating now, Olivia Tran. ‘Sounds like a plan.’

Vanessa squeals and walks in between us, holding not only my hand, but also Henry’s. Oh my, we look just like one happy family, especially when I look to my side, to see that the most gorgeous looking man on the planet earth, is already looking at me, flashing me a beautiful smile.

Secretly I hope that we run into some parents from school, miss Sue or even my parents. I’m really tempted to rub this in everyones face, though it’s probably only a once in a lifetime moment.

‘Mister Henry,’ Vanessa says, ‘my mommy had to kill two cats and a dog today.’

‘Not kill,’ I quickly correct her. ‘I had to put them to sleep, remember? Those animals were old and sick and they needed a little help to go to heaven. I don’t kill them.’ I look at Henry again, who seems amused. ‘I really don’t.’

‘I believe you,’ he laughs. ‘You just tell owners their pets are fat.’

I involuntarily let out a laugh. ‘You are the first one in two months with a fat pet, so I just save it for the famous actors with who can’t say no to their chubby dogs.’

Henry licks his lips, before he sinks in this top teeth in his bottom lip. Goodness gracious. Next time I run into Henry Cavill, I should bring some extra pair of panties.

Olivia, that is terrible, I shouldn’t think like that.

My daughter is here for crying out loud.

‘Mommy, have you seen a cuter dog today?’

‘Cuter than Kal you mean?’ I ask her.

‘Mhm.’

I chuckle. ‘Well, I’ve seen cute dogs, but no one is as cute as Kal.’

‘I think so too,’ Vanessa says. She pulls her hand out of mine, before holding out her arms for Henry.

I want to tell her that she can’t just expect him to carry her, simply because he is strong and he is Superman, but without any difficulties he lifts her up with only one arm. If I tried that, I’d dislocate my shoulder, but obviously it’s a piece of cake for him. I spend my fair share on Pinterest and YouTube, admiring his arms. And that clip of him building that PC? That was the hottest thing on earth and is nearly illegal.

‘I lost a tooth today,’ Vanessa says, showing off her teeth, probably sticking her tongue through the gap.

‘Wow, that is awesome,’ Henry says, leaning in to check if there is already a new tooth coming in. ‘You’re going to put it underneath your pillow, so the Tooth Fairy can give you some money?’

I can feel Vanessa’s hesitation. She looks over her shoulder and ushers me to get closer. ‘Mommy,’ she asks, still loud enough for Henry to hear, ‘should I tell him the truth?’

‘About what?’ I ask her.

‘He still believes in the Tooth Fairy.’

I bite my lips, to prevent myself from laughing out loud. ‘I think you should tell him.’

She nods and wraps an arm around Henry’s neck. ‘Mister Henry,’ she says, ‘the Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist. Mommy just gives me money when I lose another tooth.’

Henry looks at me, also visibly holding in a laugh. ‘The Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist?’ he ask in almost believable disbelieve, but then I remember: this man is an actor. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Mhm.’

‘I need to call my mother, to ask her why she lied to me all those years?’

Vanessa shakes her head. ‘Well, lots of kids still believe in the Tooth Fairy, so it’s okay that you did too.’

‘It was just time for you to know the truth,’ I add.

‘Well, thank you, miss Vanessa,’ Henry says. ‘Thank you for being honest with me.’

We arrive at the park and Henry and I sit on a park bench, while Kal runs wild, followed by a giggling Vanessa. I flinch a few times, thinking Kal is too wild to be playing with Vanessa, but he actually tones down a bit, checking in with her to make sure that she’s alright.

‘You have a sweet dog,’ I admit, not being able to look at Henry just yet. He is really close, I can almost feel the heat he is radiating through my coat, right onto my skin.

‘Yeah, he is sweet.’

‘And fat.’

‘Are you ever letting that go?’ Henry laughs.

I simply shrug. ‘I’m a vet, I just want the patients to be healthy.’ I try to look serious, but I can’t help but chuckle. ‘But I don’t think I can let it go, until Kal is sixty kilograms.’

‘But what if he is just a larger model?’ Henry tries, still not wanting to fully admit to the fact that he was overfeeding his pet and thus the main reason Kal is at least ten kilos too heavy.

‘He isn’t,’ I tell him. ‘He is large, sure, but I’ve seen American Akita’s who are a whole lot bigger than him, but still within the acceptable weight range.’

‘You’re one tough doctor, Olivia,’ he says with a smile. ‘You know, your daughter has quite the personality. Figured she’s just like you.’

I can’t help but laugh. ‘Yeah, people often say we’re basically twins.’

‘The fact that you told her about the Tooth Fairy being fake is admirable,’ he says.

‘I wanted her to spare the trauma I experienced,’ I say. ‘Besides, I don’t like lying to her, though everyone says it’s part of growing up.’

Henry nods and I can feel he wants to ask it. It’s always in people’s body language, when they want to know about the family situation. They clear their throat, avoid eye contact, rub their hands together and when they ask the question, they tilt their heads.

I decide that I’m not ready for a head tilt by the one and only Henry Cavill. ‘Her biological father didn’t want her,’ I say. ‘He broke up with me and disappeared out of my life, if that’s what you wanted to know.’

He sighs, a blush on his face, as if he is embarrassed that I caught on, before he even asked. ‘I don’t think I can ever understand those kind of men,’ he admits, staring at his dog and Vanessa. He leans forward, his elbows on his knees. ‘I mean, she’s a great kid, very in touch with her feelings and pretty smart too. Her biological father doesn’t know what he is missing out on.’

I don’t think I can ever understand those kind men. Did he honestly just say that? My entire body temporarily forgot how to function. Henry Cavill out there trying to steal my heart and with the rate he is going at, I’m willing to hand it over to him without putting up a fight. Her biological father doesn’t know what he is missing out on. That one went straight to my soul.

‘Well, he was an idiot anyways,’ I mumble. ‘Think I’m better off without him.’ I stare at Vanessa, who is chasing Kal, whose tail is wagging and he jumps around her like an idiot.

‘You are really better off without him,’ he says to me. ‘I don’t know the asshole, but I do know for a fact that you are better off without him. And Vanessa for that matter.’

I feel giddy, like a child before her birthday. ‘Listen, Henry, I’m sorry if she’s overstepping any boundaries. If you don’t want to pick her up, you don’t have to.’

‘I don’t mind, Olivia,’ he says. ‘She’s not overstepping any boundaries.’

I nod, not sure what to say. This isn’t helping with my fantasies, that I keep pushing back, postponing them to completely erupt when I’m in bed tonight. Belle is right: he oozes family man.

‘You’re doing a great job,’ he then says.

‘With what?’

‘Raising her.’

My cheeks flush. When was the last time I heard this, from someone other than Belle? I don’t think anyone has ever told me really… Except that one nurse in the hospital, when Vanessa was three and shoved a bead up her nose and I couldn’t stop crying. That event totally made me doubt my parental skills, until the nurse said that she dropped her infant on his head and he turned out to be fine.

‘I’m trying,’ I say, looking at my hands.

‘And that’s good enough,’ Henry whispers, but loud enough for me to hear it.

I need to contain the urge to just jump him, kissing his soft looking lips and allowing him to do things to me that I hadn’t done in such a long time.

Thankfully I have Vanessa, who always knows the exact moment I need her. ‘Mom, I had a little accident.’

When I look up, I see that she didn’t pee herself, but that she fell into the mud.

Face first.

Great.

Taglist: @thelastsock​ // @flhorah​ // @sausagefest1996​ // @laufeysodinson​ // @xxxkatxo​ // @memoriesat30​ // @henrythickcavill​ // @crimsonrae​ // @henryobsessed // @madbaddic7ed​ // @summersong69​ // @lyrafraiser​ // @peakygroupie​ // @coldmuffinbanditshoe​ // @mary-ann84​ // @thereisa8ella​ //@crazyandanonymous4u // @xuxszx​ // @emmaofgreengabbles​ // @jimmypagesandbrianmayshair​ // @onlyhenrys​

[hopetofantasy]

wtFOCK actor Nathan Bouts (22) releases his first hiphop-single: “Music helps me overcome my doubts and fears”

Besides acting, wtFOCK star Nathan Bouts (22), is now aiming his arrows on the world of music. Under the influence of bigger hiphop stars like A Tribe Called Quest and J Dilla, he went to work in his studio with his own beats and lyrics. His first single with music video ‘WATERS’ was released Friday. “I bought my own first drum-computer a while ago and I started fiddling with that in my bedroom.”

Teenagers around Flanders know Nathan Bouts (22) mostly as Jens Stoffels, the somewhat rebellious skater boy from the internet tv series wtFOCK, which is also broadcasted on VIER, VIJF and Telenet. With his fictitious profile Jens as well as his own personal one, the influencer from Antwerp has more than 50.000 followers behind him. Next to wtFOCK and a few minor roles in other Flemish fiction, his focus now entirely lies on making music under the name of NATHAN BOAZ. Nathan has had a relatively busy period behind him. After three seasons of wtFOCK, he and other colleagues filmed themselves during the first lockdown for the spin-off wtFOCKDOWN. In July the shooting of wtFOCK season 4 started, which has been broadcasting in the meantime. Besides that, he still found the time to work on his new music project.

Bedroomproducer “Just like Billie Eilish, I’ve had a certain fan base before I started making music, so that can’t go wrong,” Nathan jokes whilst mocking himself. “I wanted to make music for a while now, but I just never took the time to make it. Namely, I’ve went to the Steinerschool, where music was a large aspect of the education. It was during that time, that I realized I wanted to create something myself one day. Under the influence of American hiphop stars and producers like A Trible Called Quest, J Dilla and Pete Rock - my guru - I’ve bought my first drum-machine and started tampering with it in my bedroom.” “It actually started solely with beats and instrumental songs. But again, under the influence of American oldskool rap and the more recent Kendrick Lamar, I’ve began writing lyrics which I started to sing to my beats.”

Nathan’s loyal followers know for a while that he’s working on a music project. On a good day he has released a clip on social media of him rapping to a beat and relaying the message that he has other aspirations besides acting. “I’ve had been doubting for weeks if it was actually a good idea,” Nathan says, reliving the experience. “That might sound contradictory for an actor on a youth channel with a lot of fans, but I’m actually quite insecure. When I put that clip online, I didn’t check my social media for two days, out of fear of reactions. What if nobody watched it? Or people thought it was shitty? Would I make a fool out of myself? You don’t have to a crybaby about it, I told myself. I took some distance from it and without any expectations, two days later, I went to check if there were any reactions.” “But I could be very pleased. Of course there were a ton of fun reactions by wtFOCK fans,” Nathan smiles. “That’s of course amazing, but I do value the reactions more of the people who know something about music and work with it too. And those were there as well, I’ve gotten a lot of private messages with loving words.” “I’ve got the same expectation for my first single release. Am I scared of the real experts and the hiphop OGs who won’t take me seriously? That they’ll think music is just a commercial vehicle to exploit my fans? They’re allowed to think that, but no, I know what my qualities are. I was intensively working with music befóre wtFOCK, there is no financial strategy behind it, music is truly my passion.” “More than a passion actually, also a way to escape”, Nathan changes tone. “Music can be very emotionally charged and the feelings you get from it, can be overwhelming, even if it is purely instrumental. Doubts and fears, those are feelings I often have to deal with. Is it because of specific experiences in my life? No, not really, I’ve lived a luxury life compared to other people. I think every person has lived through stuff unconsciously, where you can get sad, without truly being able to name those things. Music is in this case the best medicine to get you through it.” Flowjob Despite his doubts and insecurity, Nathan really loves to act, whilst trying to profile himself on social media and was even interviewed by Flo Windey on ‘Flowjob’ on Studio Brussel to talk about sex and relationships. “Of all the things I’ve done publicly, Flowjob has to be the one thing I had to think about for the longest time, and I really would like to state that here”, Nathan emphasizes, “But I simply thought ‘fuck it’, sometimes you have to do stuff you’re scared to do, just out of curiosity to see where you end up. If you consciously don’t do certain things out of fear, you’ll never know what you might have missed. Does it disappoint you? It might, but then you’ll know.” “What kind of reactions do you get if you say things on Studio Brussel, of which you wish your mother doesn’t hear? What do you think? I’ve had my portion of the bizarre requests and sexual messages, from people I know to a whole heap of people I don’t. Especially girls? Yep, but also boys,” Nathan laughs. Exciting “Besides, I’m not the only one in the artistic world who’s reserved in his nature. I think for a lot of actors, musicians and artists their work is some sort of personal remedy to overcome insecurity. I often see the same with my colleagues. The fact that you can hardly earn money with it, especially in times like these, keeps raising those doubts, like a vicious cycle. But that insecurity is kinda thrilling in a some way. I truly wouldn’t want anything else.” The single ‘WATERS’ from NATHAN BOAZ is now available on Spotify and Apple Music via Absender Management in collaboration with Krazee Alley Productions. 

[bittywitches]

Ask: 6. Accidentally stepping on their heel in a crowded room. w gray ? 🤍

Oops forgot to post a lot of these 😅 (also I just realized this said heel but I didn’t do that exactly I’m sorry)

6. Accidentally stepping on their heel in a crowded room 

(for reference lol)

You honestly didn’t expect to find yourself in this situation, especially on your mother’s wedding day. This was supposed to be the best day of her life, she’d spent months planning this day for hours on end. She wanted it to be completely perfect, and you did all that you could to ensure that it would be. And you loved your Mom’s fiancée, she was literally the sweetest woman you’d ever met (aside from your momma). You already knew her pretty well, but in the weeks leading up to the wedding, you guys became even closer. She literally felt like one of your closest friends (even though she was a few decades older than you). So when the day finally arrived and you found out that you basically had no role to play in it? It hurt a bit.

You were already a bit furious with the fact that your sister was the one who got to be the maid of honour. Sure she was a lot older, and could probably handle the role a lot better, but it didn’t make you any less bitter. And even though you were still a bridesmaid, you were practically locked out of her dressing room for most of the night. And since you guys had gotten to the venue earlier than the wedding was scheduled, you just spent your time moping around the almost finished wedding hall.

It was only about an hour later did you have your phone ringing, a call from your sister. You sighed, picking the phone up reluctantly.

“Finally remembered that I exist?”

“Don’t be an ass. We need you to run an errand.”

“Of course. I knew my own family wouldn’t think of me unless they needed me for something.”

“Would you stop being petty for one second? There’s been an issue with the bouquets. Apparently, nobody remembered to go pick them up.”

“What? Isn’t the wedding supposed to start in-“ your phone away from your ear to look at the time. “Fifteen minutes?”

“Yea, that’s why I need you to GO.”

“Weren’t the bouquets supposed to be your responsibility?”

“Will you please just go get it?”

“What do I get out of this?”

“The satisfaction of giving mom the wedding of her dreams?”

“Mmmmm….”

She sighed over the phone. “I’ll pay you.”

“How much?”

“Twenty dollars.”

“What, do you think I’m twelve? No deal.”

“Dude-”

“Do you want my help?”

“Ugh, fine. Thirty.”

“Fifty or you’re on your own.”

“What? I’m not paying you fifty dollars just to-”

“Alright, good luck with-”

“God, FINE! Fifty!”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

“Fuck you. I’ll text you the address.”

Seconds later your phone vibrated in your hand, the location of the florist popping up in your notifications. You stuffed your phone into your purse and headed for the coatroom.

As you approached the door, you were confronted with  a few dozen faces pouring in through the front doors and drifting into the coatroom, in quite a disorganized fashion. You groaned. You guys were really cutting this close.

You pushed your way through the hectic sea of guests, making it through the coatroom door with a bit of ease, but after that, it was literally as if you were drowning in hairspray and cologne.

“How does my mom know so many people?” You grumbled, throwing out an ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ every half a second, but eventually just trying to push your way through the group of people.

Your eyes landed on your coat, so you began treading towards it, but just before you could grab it, the heel of your pump dug into something that most definitely was not the hardwood floor, causing your ankle to jerk sideways and you stumbled over.

“Woah,” Your shoulder jabbed into the side of a lavender dress shirt, and you definitely would’ve toppled over if it weren’t for the large hands that came up to catch you. You looked up to see who the voice was, and saw the face of a handsome young man staring back down at you.

“Jesus, I’m so sorry.” You fumbled, trying to stand up straight but another elderly woman rammed into your backside as she headed for the door, shoving your right back into the man’s arms.

“At least try to look where you’re going?” You yelled after her, but she only gave you a dirty look before leaving.

You sighed, looking away from her to see that you were still clutching onto the man’s shoulders, his black polyester slipping in your fingertips.

“God, hold on-” You leaned up and behind the man to reach up and grab your coat, your chest flushed against his when you did so, and his arms naturally came to rest on your lower back.

You leaned away, holding your coat in one hand and then grabbing his wrist with the other, yanking him to get him to follow you. You pulled him out of the coatroom, gasping when you finally got to breathe something that didn’t smell like fancy fabric softener.

“Felt like I was gonna drown in there,” You turned around to look at the man with you, colour returning to your face when you noticed his disheveled look.

“God, I’m really sorry,” you walked up to him and adjusted his blazer, straightening out the collar.

“It’s no big deal, really.” He placed his hands on your shoulders to get you to stop.

“No, you look so nice and I just,” You looked down at his black leather dress shoes to see the left one was creased right at the tip, a large cut where your heel had stepped on him.

“Oh my god, no!” You bent down at his feet, wiping at the top to see if it was just a smudge or not, and you blew air out of your nose in annoyance when you confirmed that the cut was there.

“Hey, it’s seriously not a problem.” He bent down to grab you by the shoulders and pull you back up.

“No, I ruined your shoes, and they look really expensive-”

“It’s fine, I promise.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry.” You got up on your toes to fix his ruffle hair, a result of the pandemonium that had occurred within the coat room. “You’d think a place like this would have a bigger place to leave your coats.”

He laughed, and you smiled when he did. You noticed a gem on his canine tooth when he chuckled, almost looking similar to the two shiny studs in his ears. His hand came up to rub his stubble, trailing up his chin. You were right. He looked really nice.

He looked back at you, an eyebrow quirked. “You’re one of the bridesmaids, right? I saw a few girls wearing that dress outside when I came in. Seemed like they were in a rush.”

You sighed. “Yeah, apparently things aren’t going as smoothly as we’d hoped.” You tilted your head. “Well, as smoothly as they’d hoped.”

He scrunched his nose at you in confusion.

You stuck your hand out. “I’m Y/N. Daughter of the bride. Er, well, the bride that proposed.”

He laughed when you said that, and took your hand, giving it a firm shake. “Grayson.”

“My sister is the maid of honour.”

“Oh.... ouch.”

“Yea, pretty much sucks ass. She’s practically planned the whole thing without any of my help. Except now, because things are going off the rails, I’m the one who has to save everyone’s ass.” You blinked. “Speaking of, I should head to the florist’s. Bouquet mishap and whatnot.”

“Oh, okay.” He said, a bit disappointed. “Maybe I’ll see you la-”

“Wait!” You grabbed his arm, startling him a bit. “There’s a small formal wear store that’s literally in the same plaza as the florist! I can make up for ruining your shoes.”

His eyebrows raised. “Y/N, it really isn’t necessary-”

“Nonsense! I’m not going to let my mother have guests wearing improper attire to her own wedding.” You winked at him.

He chuckled. “Alright, we better leave quickly then. The wedding’s gonna start soon.” He held out his arm for you, his elbow jutting out to the side.

“My, what a gentleman.” You smiled, hooking your arm around his and gripping his bicep as you led him out to your car.

・ ・ ・

“So, how do you know Lindsey?” You said as you hopped out of your car, locking it behind you as Grayson followed suit. “I’m assuming you're a guest from her side.”

“Yea. My dad used to work with her, and they were pretty close. Recently drifted apart, but he was very excited to be invited to the wedding. She also used to babysit me.” He held the door to the florist open for you, and you walked inside.

“Hah, I bet you were a cute kid.”

“You think so?” He asked, the door jingling as it fell closed behind him.

“Well I can’t imagine that anyone could be ugly as a kid and then grow up to look like-” You looked over your shoulder at him to see him chewing on his bottom lip, his eyes resting gently on yours.

“What I mean is,” you fumbled, pulling the straps of your dress higher up your shoulder. “Nobody could have that big of a glow up.” You gave him a small smile, turning back to the counter to hide your gradually growing pink face.

“Well, thanks.” You heard his feet pacing behind you, snaking through the rows of beautiful flowers. It was pretty late, so nobody else was in the store except you two and the Clerk.

“Hi, I’m here to pick up an order. Should be under ‘Lindsey and Nia’.”

“Ah, yes. One moment.” The clerk disappeared through a door, and you laid your elbows onto the counter, your face resting on one hand while the other tapped your fingers on the cool marble.

“Hey,” You felt a tap on your shoulder, and you looked around to see Grayson gently holding a beautiful pink peony right in front of your nose.

You breathed in, taking in the wonderful scent, opening your eyes and looking up to meet Grayson’s soft ones.

“It matches your dress,” He said simply, but his sweet tone somehow made it feel like he was serenading you with a love song.

“It does.”

“Kinda looks like you,” He said, gesturing towards your low bun, tiny white flowers peeking out of it. He handed the flower to you, and you took it, holding it gently in your fingertips.

“It’s beautiful.”

“That’s what I said.” Your eyes widened as you looked up at him, a small but playful simper on his lips.

“I-”

“Here you are, miss.” You suddenly turned away from Grayson to look at the vendor, your eyes landed on the two pink plumeria bouquets.

“Oh, they’re gorgeous, thank you.” You took them from him, closing your eyes to inhale their scent.

“Do you plan on buying that, miss?” You looked at where he was pointing, and saw he was talking about the peony in your hand.

“Oh, no, I was just-”

“Actually, no. But I was.” Grayson stepped up to the counter, taking his wallet out of his pocket. You stepped back to give him some room, looking at him with a bit of wonder in your eyes.

“Five dollars.”

“For ONE flower-” You interjected, but Grayson rested his hand on your arm, and for some reason it silenced you.

Grayson handed the man a five-dollar bill. The vendor asked if he wanted a bag, and Grayson refused, wishing the man a good night after the exchange. He turned to you, handing you the flower then heading for the door.

“You coming?”

It felt like you’d been watching this happen from somewhere out of your body, and had to blink to get yourself to return to Earth. “Yea, coming.”

・ ・ ・

“Y/N, we seriously don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, we do. I owe you for two things now.”

“The shoes were an accident, and the flower was barely anything, you don’t-”

“Just shut up and choose a pair of shoes.” You demanded, and he put his arms up in defeat, walking back up towards the display of shoes on the wall. You sat down on one of the stools, absent-mindedly smelling the beautiful pink flower that Grayson had gifted you.

“These look pretty good, don’t you think?” He gestured towards a pair that had two different shades of brown on it.

“You’re kidding right? Do you think my mom’s wedding theme is ‘the wild west’?”

“Jeez, it was just a suggestion.” He said with an exaggerated tone, and you giggled.

“How about these?” You walked up and picked up a jet black pair, almost resembling the ones he was wearing except for the seams lining the sides.

“They’re basically the same as these.” He wiggled one foot in the air.

“Yea, but these don’t have a cut in them.”

He chuckled, picking up the box that had those shoes, then taking them out to try them on. They fit perfectly.

“Dang, these are nice.” He sat down to slip them off and place them back in the box, but his eyes bulged when he saw the price tag. “No way, these are way too expensive.”

“Lemme see.” You read the label, and you had to chew the inside of your cheek to prevent you from making any sort of remark. “It’s not that bad.”

“Are you serious?”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m paying for it.”

“That’s exactly why it does matter-”

“Grayson come on, I don’t have the time for this!” You took your phone out of your purse to check the time, and instead saw a stream of texts from your sister asking where you were. “I was supposed to be back like ten minutes ago. Just pick a pair of shoes!”

“But I can’t let you buy these! It’s too much!”

“You bought me something too.”

“It was a flower! For five dollars!”

“Okay, time’s up, we’re choosing these ones.” You grabbed them back from him, running for the front of the store as you heard Grayson call behind you.

“Y/N-”

You slammed the shoes down on the counter, startling the cashier. “Is this all, ma’am?”

“Yep.” Grayson stumbled up behind you, slipping on his creased shoe and sighing as the cashier scanned the box.

“At least let me pay for it.”

“What? No! Then I’d still owe you!”

“You don’t owe me anything-”

“Jesus, you’re more annoying than my mom and Lindsey bickering over what centerpiece they want.”

At that he finally dropped it, laughing. “Lindsey is pretty picky about her flowers.”

“Yeah.” You inserted your credit card and put in the pin. “I was surprised they were even able to make a decision on the bouquets. I was so sure they were going to choose different flowers.” You sighed, looking at him. “But Lindsey knew mom would die for these, and that was all she needed to know to make her decision.”

“Guess they really love each other, huh?” Grayson mused as you took your credit card back. The cashier handed you the bag with the shoes as well as a receipt, and you thanked her before walking out with him.

“Yea. They really do.” You remarked, looking down at the single peony still in your hand.

“Hey, your car is that way.” He grabbed your arm, then took the bouquets from you as you laughed at your disorientation.

“Right.”

・ ・ ・

After rushing to the dressing room to find half the exasperated bridesmaids as well as a finally stress-relieved sister, your mother gave you a huge sloppy kiss on the cheek that you squirmed away from, but you were happy all the same that she was able to get her bouquets. One of the other bridesmaids rushed off to give the second bouquet to Lindsey.

Of course you were pushed out a few minutes later, but this time you weren’t as upset. Your mind was lingering on other things… so when your sister pushed you out the door, you were quick to snatch the pink peony that you’d left lying on the dresser.

・ ・ ・

Ceremony over, bouquets thrown, tears wept and first dance completed; After it was all over, you found yourself hovering near the back of the hall, watching as your Mom and Step-mom danced the night away, carefree as ever with the biggest smiles on their faces. You sighed, happy at how this night had turned out. It was perfect, it was gorgeous, it really was everything you’d all dreamed of and more. The love of the two oozed out of their very pores, filling the room with a bubbly feeling that you quite easily caught on to you. You found yourself with eyes roaming the room, looking for a certain someone with a lavender dress shirt, but your shoulders slumped when you couldn’t find it through the haze of pink lights dancing across the room. You looked down, and took another whiff of the flower you still held in your hands, not daring to let go of it after your bridesmaid duties had been accomplished. You looked up again, hoping to find the disheveled hair and shiny studs.

“Looking for me?” A voice caught you from behind, and you looked behind you to see Grayson, his arms casually held behind his back, but a small smirk played on his lips when he noticed the flower in your hands. “Still have that?”

You bit your lip, slowly shifting your way over to him amidst the music and laughter. “It’s too pretty to get rid of.” You looked down to see he’d changed into the new shoes you’d bought him, and it brought a smile to your lips. “They look good.”

“They’re great. You have great taste.” You met his eyes, them dark and wonderful as they glazed over you. “I really wish you didn’t pay for them though.”

“I’m happy I did.”

“But now I owe you.” His fingertips met yours as he took the delicate flower from you, bringing it up to his face to smell it, smiling at the fact that it still had that wonderful scent.

“Maybe you can make it up to me…” Your hands came up to his, your fingers first tracing the petals of the flower, then down the stem, then dragging across his large hands.

He wrinkled an eyebrow. “How so?”

You gestured towards the dance floor, that now had many bodies moving to the music on it.

He smiled, taking a step back from you just so he could lean forward with one hand behind his back, the other holding the peony out for you. “May I have this dance?”

You grinned, taking the flower from him, but letting your fingers linger a little while longer this time. “Of course.”

He chuckled, holding his elbow out for you once more, and you gripped it, leading him towards the dance floor.

[evolsinner]

⊱┊30

i don't need 'looking after'! i am perfectly capable of taking care of my own damn self. from the moment kayrem has walked back into our lives, he's been showing off. he's trying to prove his 'worth' to the family, and it's annoying the heck out of me!

first, he takes me away from isaac against my will, then he does this elaborate show of how much he still has an effect on me. i mean, the only reason i called him is that there was no one else to call!! and now he's brought a fucking dog for maxi? sucking up to father? it's not fair! he just doesn't get to be gone for this long and then have the easiest welcome back party.

i hate him!

after grumpily hopping out of the shower, i crash straight into bed. mum's doing overtime which means i'll get to see her first thing in the morning. this is good because i'm still figuring out what to say to her.

my parents always change roles, either one of them is too mad and the other is understanding or vice versa. so i guess she’s gonna be playing the ‘mad’ role tomorrow.

i slide out of bed and creep down the hallway, pausing at the source of the problem…in me.

"what are you doing?" i push the door further in.

without looking up from his crouching position, kayrem’s like, “the dvd player is jacked up. i'm tryna get it to work," and takes a gulp from his redbull.

"can't you wait till tomorrow to do it?"

"tomorrow can wait."

ugh, i never seem to make sense of his comebacks like these. just answer properly, jeez. "what are you tryna watch anyway?"

"get in the bed and you'll see," he grins.

the fuck? wait... i mean, i do kinda need to tell him something so..

"oh, and, shut the door. make sure to lock it too."

"'lock it'?" i stand there nervously.

"we don't want anyone walking in."

huh?

"if one of those scenes happen to come on," he adds like an afterthought.

"oh..." i shut the door and crawl into his bed, sitting up and crossing my legs. "why not just netflix and chill? that dvd player is pretty old; i don't think you can get it to work." i immediately shut my mouth, realising what i said could be taken the wrong way too.

he quits messing about with the player and looks over his shoulder at me with an amused frown, "huh?"

"i meant, like, watch a movie on the laptop. not..y'know. like, literally only a movie and nothing else."

"fine, i suppose you do have a point," he turns off the tv and dvd player before grabbing the laptop and climbing into bed with me. "fuck,” he taps away at the keys, “forgot it was flat.”

"can you just sleep with me instead?"

he raises his eyebrows, surprised.

"next to me! n~not with me!" i quickly clarify before laying down, all red and hot.

i hear the lid of the laptop shut, followed by a swift motion of a shirt being pulled off. the bed dips as a body lies down behind me. gradually, i feel warmth shifting closer to me and the smell of red bull breath. like magnets, we stick together. a hand weaves its way underneath my shirt and i tense up.

"relax," he coos.

his fingers trace over my mini love handles, nearing my belly button. i don't know if i want him to go higher or lower. slightly, i back up into him, rubbing my ass in circular motions on his dick. a grunt leaves his mouth, his hot breath hitting my nape. my respiration elevates and the follicles on my forearms stand up.

"sorry," i sigh.

"don't be. if you like it, keep doing it."

i back up into him further and rest my ass on his bulge. his hand goes higher, tracing the side of my boob, to my underboobs, then to the other side; forming a 'w' in the process.

"you're not wearing a bra.”

"..they're uncomfortable."

he slowly goes up the slopes of my boobs and runs his thumb over my tits, kneading them for a while. "you like this?"

"mhm.."

"how about this?" he skims his hand all the way down to the top of my panties.

i turn a little on my back and buck my hips up, desperately inching my body closer to his fingertips. he inserts his hand and goes past the stubble to reach my throbbing clit. now i can feel the pressure of his dick getting erect and also his hand on my pussy.

"here?" his finger hovers.

"y..yes.."

he tenderly presses down and a moan escapes my mouth.

"you're so sensitive, babysis," he whispers. "i haven't even started."

he rubs my button in a figure 8 which makes me squirm like a worm. his fingers slide in between my moist folds, massaging me, as they go back up again to torture my clit.

"kayrem, please, in..in me."

he puts his mouth next to my ear, "how many?"

"as many as you can fit.."

"on one condition, you have to call me by my middle name from now on, sis."

knots get created in my stomach. knots and crosses. clusters and ravels. memories and misery. no, this cannot be happening again. i was here to talk to him, not play with him.

"stop.”

"what?"

"lavanda," i pull his hand out, "i'm sorry."

he doesn't say anything, but i can tell he's not that happy. i turn to face him. he's lying on his back with an arm crossed behind his head, in a pensive mood. there's a sense of nostalgia dancing in his distant expression as he stares out the skylight. i cuddle up to him, laying an arm and a leg over his torso.

“missed my room,” he murmurs melancholically.

“yeah, think i liked it better as a guest room.”

“shut up,” he rolls his eyes. "…why did you come back, marie?"

"i have something to tell you."

he glances at me curiously with those hazel eyes. how can i get lost in them when i have the exact same colour? his other sleeveless arm lingers over the blanket. i shift closer to him so that my body gently presses into his. he’s warm.

"i'm pregnant."

nothing but tensive as hell silence fills the room.

finally, kayrem exhales loudly, his stomach deflating and my arm lowering with the motion. "why the fuck are you telling me that?" he shoves me away. "i don't care about the shit you do with him. i also don't appreciate you bringing his shit back here."

"your shit."

"what?" he faces me with a blank expression.

"it's yours."

he opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

i sit up criss~cross applesauce. "that night when we did it, i..i haven't gotten my.." i clear my throat and start again. "i haven't gotten my..my.. ugh, sorry," i apologise, picking at my cuticles.

"it's okay. you can tell me. i’m your big brother," kayrem leans up on his elbow and stops me from fidgeting.

"i haven't gotten my period since. isaac said that he could deal with me being.." i gesture with my eyes to my tummy, "but he doesn't know that it's yours. and if he did, i don't know what he'll think of me. i just thought you should know before i did anything.”

“i..uhh…” kayrem scratches the back of his head. "do you know how far along you are?"

i shake my head.

"have you been to the doctors?"

i shake my head again.

"jesus, marie, have you done anything for it?"

no…

"i'm taking you to the docs tomorrow, i don't care," and he slumps back down.

"what, no!"

"you're going."

"i'm not!"

"like, hell."

"for fuck's sake!" i throw my hands up in the air. "i'm not keeping it, okay!”

he glares at me, trying to remain pragmatic, "i'm pretty sure this is the hormones talking, not you."

"don't you dare blame this on the hormones!"

"fine then," he spits out, "why even tell me all this when you could've gotten rid of it back there?! huh!?"

"because you had the right to know,” i murmur sadly.

he closes his eyes and shakes his head with a sigh, "you don't have to get rid of it because of how it came to be. it's selfish..heedless."

i shrug.

“if you’re worried about mother and father, don’t be. as long as i’m here, nobody can hurt you.”

yet he hurts me from simply uttering those weighty words.

"you can still give it up, but don't kill it.”

"we need to… incest and stuff. it’ll look like an alien.”

“incest or love?”

“i don’t love you, loser.”

“listen, we made the risk the moment we decided not to use..” he stops himself, clearly agitated. “anyways, the point is, marie, you're not a killer. you're nowhere close to being like him."

“what did you say?”

"nothing.”

“no, you said something, tell me.”

“dang it," kayrem rolls his eyes frustratedly. "i wasn't supposed to say anything till morning."

"what are you talking about?"

"hey," he grips my hand softly. "c’mon, let's go to sleep."

"no," i snatch my hand back. "i don't want you touching me right now."

he scoffs, "for real?"

i stare at him.

“whatever, get some sleep," and he turns on his other side, throwing the blanket over himself.

"i hate you, kayrem, i really do."

no answer.

i was about to leave his stupid room when the door sways open quietly.

"rosé, are you in here?" maxi's fragile voice wonders.

"buddy, what's up?" kayrem lifts his head up.

"wasn't talkin' to you," maxi mumbles.

"maxi, what happened?" i ask him.

"rosé," he says with relief when he hears my voice, "i..i had a nightmare and it was... it was..." he breaks into tears before having the chance to finish his sentence.

"naw, baby, come here," i hold my arms out.

"it was really scary!" he squeals and runs to me.

"it was just a nightmare, maxi, a bad dream," i console him, wiping his tears away. "it's not real. you have nothing to worry about, i promise."

"can i sleep with you guys, please?" he asks innocently.

“let’s go to my room, okay?”

"of course," kayrem grips my arm. "jump in, maximus. you can sleep in the middle, between me and marie."

"the... the house was on fire," maxi lays down, and i pull the covers over him. "i couldn't find you, rosé. i couldn't find mummy or daddy or kayrem too. when i looked out the window, i saw all of you standing there and smiling at me."

"jesus..." kayrem mutters.

"you know us, maxi," i sweep his locks to the side. "we would never leave you if the house was ever on fire. that wasn't us in your dream. they just looked like us."

"but you left me ~ twice, already."

i have trouble replying, sorta embarrassed, and give kayrem a glance.

"hey, bud, it was just a nightmare, alright?" he decides to step in for me. "nightmares can scare you, but they can't hurt you."

"see, you're safe with us," i add. "now go to sleep," i kiss him on the forehead. "kayrem and i will make sure the monsters can't come and get you."

"yeah, lil bro, your sister and i...we have our ways," he sends me a wink.

ew.

maxi nods, sobbing in my chest, and tries to fall asleep.

"what the fuck kind of movies have you been letting him watch lately?!" i hiss at kayrem.

"just an ep or two of supernatural," he informs me. "didn't think it'd be that bad."

"you didn't think..??" i shake my head in irritation. "you're such an idiot..!"

after 10 minutes or so, i can hear little snores coming from maxi.

kayrem puts his arm across maxi and rests the hand at the end of it on my waist. "kinda like seeing you like this," he whispers. "all protective of him. turns me on...a little."

i punch his shoulder, "nothing's gonna happen between you and i with him here. now shush, you're gonna wake him."

with my eyelids closed, the scent of red bull breath comes even closer, and before i know it, a pair of wet lips have enveloped over mine. i am caught a bit off guard because, like, our little brother is with us, and what if he wakes up? however, this doesn't seem to bother my big brother in the slightest.

there's something mellow about the kiss. it makes me feel safe and sound. i try not to make a sound or get lost in it, but i'm kinda losing it already. he tastes of sin, taurine and the colour red if red had a taste. he sticks his hand under my shirt, egging me on. we're both lowkey squishing burrito maxi in the process.

"fuck, stop, stop..!" i quickly retract.

"he's asleep," kayrem says calmly. "he ain't seein' nothin'," and attempts to find my lips again.

"i don't care. goodnight."

a moment later, kayrem snuggles his head inches away from mine and is like, "this could be us, you know. keep it, please.”

[excorcismic]

here i am . once more . telling myself three is plenty but justifying a fourth with ‘in my defense , i’ve been thinking about him for a while!’ so HOPEFULLY this goes well . A N Y W A Y . what’s up fam it’s hylia and we are back with one of my . . . my favorite video game characters of all time ; i love fire emblem so much & i’m so excited i’m finally getting a chance to write claude again !! keep in mind , i’ll try not to go too much into spoiler territory ( & it probably won’t be that hard in the sense , well , i won’t be going in depth about routes as of right now ) , but his general backstory does include a trigger for racism so please be advise while reading . other than that , enjoy the ride , and here we GOOOO !

IN A CANON NUTSHELL ( FE3H backstory spoilers ! ) : so when you meet claude in the story , he is one of the three house leaders of the officers academy in garreg Mach monastery - as the grandson of duke sovereign riegan of the leicester lliance , he is the leader of the golden deer house . byleth , the newest teacher , can choose to teach either the golden deer , black eagles , and blue lions - to which , if you choose the golden deer , you will be locked into the verdant wind path for the rest of the story . of course , that’s not all ; to the rest of garreg mach , claude is actually a mystery and a subject of huge suspicion given he’s known to be quite sly & a master but SCHEMEY tactician , even going as far as to consider dirty trickys & methods to win battles ( such as planning to get the opposing classes sick so they can’t participate , for one . ) and it’s also mentioned claude’s appearance before the events of the game . . . is very recent , like he just popped out of nowhere and suddenly the alliance was to be handed over to him . this is because claude is not actually from fodlan - claude’s not even his real name ! ( his real name is khalid ; it’s never stated in-game but an official source confirmed so in a gaming magazine ! ) it IS true he is of the riegan bloodline & the duke sovereign’s grandson ; however , his father is the king of almyra , a neighborhing country to fodlan who . . . REALLY does not like them . because that’s where his mother came from , ever since he was a child claude was subject to awful treatment from everyone in almyra - harassment , physical attacks , and even attempts on his life simply for the fact he was mixed of almyran and fodlan blood . he was given and protected from nothing by his parents ; which , that leads to his reasoning to come to fodlan - to learn an entirely different atmosphere and start his plans to create a new world in fodlan & almyra , free of evil prejudices & where people are kind to one another and don’t pay attention to anything such as skin color , background , etc . claude wants to free the world of prejudices and racism and harmful borders that allow these prejudices to fester - and if you pick his route in fire emblem : three houses , you can help him accomplish his wish .

IN AN ALUCARD NUTSHELL : like in-game , claude is not from here ; he’s the son of a wealthy technology ceo overseas , his mother born in alucard . he’s the heir to said business , but because he’s always been mistreated by other officials as the heir and his position is always getting contested , at seventeen he decided to move to alucard to try and figure out how he can use a new atmosphere to improve it from the outside . he’s been here five years now ; taking care of his ailing grandfather , he’s taken over his position at the local library and plays the role of observant onlooker . he knows key facts about anyone who enters its door , and the kicker ?? nobody knows anything about him . ah , the life .

BUT OHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU WANNA PLOT WITH CLAUDE SO BAD OHHHHHHH

okay so for starters - frequent library people who claude talks to a lot , people he definitely probably knows some stuff about . a lot of times he also ?? reads on the job himself so he probably blends in with the crowd . probably has been called a sexy librarian multiple times bc i mean look at him and he’s got kind of a tendency to playfully flirt around . but the main focus of claude talking to everyone is , of course , to find out information and that’s probably why this is like , the central hub connection . claude is immensely smart and always planning shit and once you step into the library , he has his EYE on you .

also goes to bars & stuff frequently for similar reasons so he absolutely could know your muse from there or something !! he never actually drinks much himself - he goes to said places for the social aspect . 

people who knew claude for . . . the year he went to high school in alucard like it’s no secret that like . nobody knows where the hell claude came from before he moved to alucard with his grandfather at seventeen and he only completed his senior year here . so maybe people who always wanted to know more than what they’d learned after he just arrived ??

again , claude is extremely smart - so maybe people in high school he tutored or even people in college that he currently tutors , even though he isn’t enrolled in any classes . he always reads about shit and studies random things in his spare time ; very self-taught which helps him teach other people ! 

i want . . . kind of like a makeshift golden deer gang that hangs out of the library . people around claude’s age who come around the library frequently and they all just kind of vibe in one of the sections all the time and then they go somewhere else to hang . i love the idea of found friend groups and stuff which is kind of like how the deer house is . 

people who knew his grandfather from the library and they just kinda look at claude like “???” bc he . . . only popped up five years ago n still . seems kinda sus .

people who are just sus of claude in general for whatever reason and try to heavily look into who he is and stuff .

enemies for whatever reasons , people that claude’s just gotten under the skin of and it’s to the point where he’s onto it so he kinda. combats it with his own comeback . give me mutual bantery enemies pls

intellectual rivals bc i love it when the smart people go at war for each other

people who try and push claude to do more than just library stuff like encourage him to go to school or something but he has. his own plans. that he won’t share. so.

exes probably bc of how . . . unwilling to share information claude is . also hook-ups and stuff ; an eventual ship would be nice bt as always it’d need some development bc of how complicated claude is . he’s never been one to like . open up that much bc of his own reasons . flirtationships on the other hand i feel are frequent bc claude likes to flirt for fun but like . actual shit he can’t open up to rn and he’ll make that clear if he feels like he’s leading someone on . he’s not a fuckboy .

ANYWAY I’LL ADD MORE AS I THINK OF THEM BT HERE’S CLAUDE AHHH

[maxbernini]

s6 with alexia with eliotts role... why would you bring up this brilliant idea now i can’t stop thinking about it

(this is SUPER long sorry, i got kinda carried away but idk how to do read mores on mobile)

i can't stop thinking about it either!!! i know it wouldn't have solved every issue because the skamfr writers are still...the skamfr writers lmao, but it's a small change with large impacts: it would've strengthened the better plots and eliminated (some of) the worse ones, whilst also continuing alexia's story from s5, and potentially making the decision to have her and arthur get back together in the finale much better too.

in my opinion they either needed to really focus on lola's relationships with the women in her life OR keep eliott, but take out the creepiness. because tbh even without the cursed scene or the relapse plot, i don't love their relationship. i think me and you have both said this before but they just work better as occasional mentor and distant friend, rather than the brother/sister dynamic the writers pushed (which i honestly didn't feel until the scene where she apologizes + he teases her about maya, but i’ll never be on board with it after the cursed scene. having that scene inherently ruins the point of portraying eliott as the Good Older Brother figure lmao). i don't love basile but i think the sibling dynamic felt more organic with him, because he kinda already is, in a way? like it's much less weird for lola to have a close brotherly relationship with her sister's boyfriend - someone she'll probably end up being related to anyways - than with her sister's friend's boyfriend (and eliott needs friends his own age, but that’s another rant).

but if alexia had replaced eliott like...wow, the POTENTIAL. alexia is supposedly daphné's childhood friend but apparently she and lola have no relationship, even though they would've grown up together? i know daphné's whole thing was Caring Too Much About What Other People Think but there's no way alexia wouldn't have already been over to their apartment and known their financial situation? known about her mother and sister's struggles??

so you have alexia, someone who already cares about lola pre-s6, being this older sister mentor when lola's actual older sister is not someone she can talk to yet - further strengthening the Sisterhood As The Real Love Story theme. like why stop with daphné? why not explore sisterhood in both a sibling way and a general womanhood way? alexia being equally empathetic to both daphné and lola given that she's known both forever (compared to other old gen characters who are likely to be more biased towards daphné), but it's also a mutually beneficial relationship, because apparently nobody in the old gen is mad at arthur for cheating?? so without making lola her therapist (and vice versa), alexia is able to talk to someone about that situation who isn’t loyal to arthur, and because both of them struggle with confidence / the way they're perceived / their relationships with others, there's already several things they have in common.

also just a wlw friendship!! alexia almost being lola's eskild in a way, and helping her process the trauma she has with men. an actual convo where lola talks about her sexuality (or at least labels it!!!!). this is where you could develop alexia's story after s5, seeing more of her mindset, dreams, experiences, etc and either affirm her decision to not get back with arthur or 'fix' it (arthur/alexia replacing elu as the s6 background ship).

which, speaking of: also focusing on lola's relationships with lamifex + maya. with the former, you have her healing with her community (yes i'm claiming sekou & jo as lgbt here). sekou and max being two guys who don't mistreat or kiss her, and there's another layer of sisterhood if they gave jo a personality beyond 'quirky and obsessed with eliott', and maybe specifically parallel her to tiff? both jo and tiff being really bubbly and approachable at first glance, but one's mean and the other's genuinely kind, with jo thus proving that friendship IS a good thing, you won't always get burned, it's good to let people in, etc. and then with the latter, i think there'd be less of a 'romantic love saves all' vibe that i kinda got with the final lines + parts of the supermarket kiss speech, if it wasn't just a romantic relationship that played such a large role in lola's healing arc.

anyways tl;dr: the season six plot begins with a woman's death and follows the subsequent traumas it triggers, so it simply makes SENSE for the season to come full circle by having the main find strength, self-confidence, development and healing through her relationships with other women, and the best way to have done that is through the combination of alexia (older mentor), daphné (actual sister), maya (girlfriend), and jo (best friend) aka a whole spectrum of different women and different relationship dynamics!! who else is bitter.

[warfear]

what is popping, home - slices?   if you’ve been in the group chat—then you are aware of my wee identity crisis :     involving the dropping of three, picking up of one.   don’t worry, they’ll be back!   whenever i feel alive again.   SO NEVER.   jk.   anyway…   in the meantime, with the exception of odette and julian—i offer you my trashiest child  (found in the dumpster behind burger king wrapped in tinfoil.   * australian accent *  think they were gonna throw her on the barbie…   huh?)   so, SEE BELOW for the 411 on this 4′11 gremlin.

INTRODUCTION.

☢     —     (  KATIE DOUGLAS, AGENDER, SHE/THEM  )     Trading in their tattoo gun for a chainsaw might not come easy for MINOO PEARCE. This twenty-two year old artist brings spray cans galore, divergent thinking, and a history of shoplifting to the table … but their small stature and double-dealing could drag the group down. And while their unorthodox nature might raise group morale, their arrogance might give them a few enemies. That’s the last thing anyone needs right now. Hopefully, in the apocalypse movie that’s now their life, this QUINCY PUNK will make it to the end credits.

BASICS.

born in boston, massachussets—or as i like to call it…   massachuchu—minoo is the first and only child of two garbage folk.   mitch & rachel pearce.   devout catholics.   patriotic.   all - american.   thoroughly unfit to be parents.   only in a sexy  “our daughter isn’t her own person but an extension of ourselves”  kinda way.   slammed like a ping pong ball between being invisible and controlled this one.

a military brat, too…   meaning that no place was permanent, and boston was ditched before she could take her first step.   she has lived in boise, in a small fishing town south of anchorage, and once her family spent six months in waipahu.   when she was thirteen her father got a permanent position in fort elms.   lucky she!

during the flashes of love and pampering  (see: no autonomy)  minoo was subjected to the cringe - worthy world of child pageantry.   we love it when mommy lives vicariously through us!   even if she aims for jonbenet ramsey…   ending up with honey boo boo instead.   don’t get it twisted, though—she was little miss texas during her prime  (age 8).   AND WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT.   not unless you wanna get shanked   * stabby motions *   …   side note :     she still fits into her last puffy - armed dress.   we don’t talk about that either.

she eventually learned to put her foot down.   much to rachel’s horror.   sorry not sorry, darling.   minoo abandoned the gowns for band tees soon after.   not as much as a speck of rogue on this honey - pie these days, just some sick, sick raccoon eyes.   call it what it is…   punk rock.

minoo first found her greatest passions  (shoplifting and vandalism.   not necessarily in that order.)  when she was eleven years old.   she pocketed a strawberry scented hello kitty eraser from macy’s and she has not looked back since.   a habit which earned her a trip to boarding school.   catholic.   gag us with a spoon.   side note 2 :     she still fits into her middle school uniform, too.

all jokes—they’re not jokes—aside…   she is not completely hopeless.   in fact, she is a little miss smarty - pants.   minoo got a raging hard - on for classic literature  (jane austen, what’s good?)  and conceptual art  (richard hambleton, what’s good?).   not much of a writer but one hell of a graffiti artist—most of her work can be spotted around town.   some genuine, some dicks.   TALENT!   a good portion of her art can be found on mj herself, though.   stick ‘n pokes, babes—we love to see it. 

minoo is also a mother.   she has a son.   and he’s a really good boy.   almost bigger than she is now…   they grow up so fast, don’t they?   his name is rusty, and he’s the cutest saint bernard you ever did see.   her best friend.   her only friend, really.   intended to be a guard dog, my boy rusty flopped—onto the couch that is.   he is a certified couch potato, something minoo can relate to.   AND SHE LOVES HIM SO!   the only person she’d put before herself.   dog - person…   

once intended to get her license.   that opportunity was shot when she chose teenage rebellion over independence.   you see, mj here has got herself a rap sheet longer than herself.   (not that impressive all things considered.)   and she takes much pride in it.   which means that when daddy dearest tried to have her late teen mishaps expunged—she saw red.   psychological help, i’ll get her some.   now she’s twenty - two and destined to travel the world by skateboard…   all because she backed the family jeep into their neighbour’s backyard.   nobody was hurt, alright.   dare i say yet?

SPEED RUN!     got nancy spungen for a role model.   saving up to run off to sacramento.   hates authority yet somehow has an authority kink.   adhd embodied.   looks like the artwork of numerous kindergarteners.   thinks attention is love.   homeless by choice (nobody said she was smart…   except i did.)  could eat her weight in olives.   anarchist without a cause.   10/10 will break into your house.   took fuck the police too literally that one time.   fantasises about her dad’s suicide.   wants to be loved.   does not want to love.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

friend - o’s :    i think it goes without saying that minoo is a handful.   although i still think she should be allowed some buds.   whether through her MANY INTERESTS  (literature, art, punk rock, skating, large dogs, disappointing her parents…)  or just through circumstance.   she is twenty - two, and never made it to art school—*  that one vine vc *   way to go, paul mitch!—but she did go to fort elms high all four years.   someone’s bound to know her!   just give me some bitches to put up with her shit.   god bless america.

parental figure :    listen…   she needs this.   obviously!   just some OLD PERSON who doesn’t tell her that she stinks and that her tattoos are ugly.   she has a lifetime of trauma to make up for.   we need some rachel and mitch opposites to fix that shit, alright.   and stat!   she intends on being dead by twenty - seven.   cobain hasn’t even bit it yet, and still…   she’s so ahead of her time…

enemy slash victim :    she stinks.   (yes, this is her dad speaking.)   and is a complete fucking nuisance.   if she decides you suck then she wont settle for simply knowing herself—you also have to know.   really know…   it’s no fun hating somebody if they don’t know it, man.   just let her pull some cutesy pranks, you know?   ordering half a dozen pizzas to their house, leave their number in the x - rated section of blockbuster, graffiti an ugly portrait of their ugly face on their driveway, slash their tires…

and that’s it, fellas!   please love her…   or else…   :gun_emoji:

[mutantsrisingrpg]

Congratulations DYLAN! You’ve been accepted as NEPTUNE.

Dylan, I was so excited to see you apply for a second character and even more excited to see you apply for Neptune! The cosmic metaphor that you weaved throughout the entire app is something that I absolutely loved. Making Avery be the second born and comparing it to leftover cosmic energy had me howling! I also loved that you wrote about how special twins are when it comes to mutants - their powers being the yin to the others yang was especially something that stood out to me. I’m so, so excited to see you bring Avery to life! 

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out of Character Information:

NAME/ALIAS: Dylan

PRONOUNS: He/Him

AGE: 22

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: GMT. 6/7 Days

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Avery O’Brien aka Neptune

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Male, He/Him

DETAILS & ANALYSIS:

Avery can take you by surprise. At first you might just see this edgy kid walking down the street, fists clenched and ready to throw them at the first person to give them a skew look. With a packet of Marlboro in his back pocket and tongue primed with his general response, ‘fuck off’, you just simply wouldn’t expect Megan the Stallion to be blasting through his earphones as he walked.

Sure, Avery definitely knew how to get himself into trouble and he had picked up a few bad habits along the way but Avery would probably be the kindest and most loyal friend you could make. He’d often babysit his neighbors kids and he genuinely enjoyed it. His aesthetic was mostly a facade, tough and ready to rumble when he’d definitely prefer to avoid a fight if possible.

He might be young, but don’t underestimate him. He’s been on the street long enough to know how things work and life has definitely taught him how to look out for himself and his sister. He’s pulled off countless jobs since their parents kicked them out and has managed to keep his hands as clean as they could be. So what gives Avery the edge? He’s cunning and smart, he knows how to work angles and get what he wants, one way or another.

As for Avery’s powers, he doesn’t really understand them, and nor does the rest of the world, to be honest. He’s read multiple essays and watched countless videos on dark matter and energy and what that meant exactly. When he uses his powers, it’s as if he can feel each individual molecule of something, measuring up its mass. He can then change how gravity affects the object, making it ‘heavier’ or ‘lighter’. He’s also experimented with dark energy blasts which seem to be an invisible force that pushes everything out of its way and constantly expands if he doesn’t control it. Honestly, his powers frighten him, as does the unknown to all humans. What really gets to him is that if Dark Energy is what causes the universe to keep expanding, should he really be playing around with that shit?

BIO:

TW: Homophobia

Penelope was born first and then Avery, like the leftover cosmic energy when a star is born. The two were inseparable and doing so would bring about the same results as splitting an atom, metaphorically. As they grew older, they spaced apart but were still always in each other’s orbits, one revolving their life around the other and visa versa. As far as Avery could remember, his early childhood was a good one, or maybe he was just far too young to really see how his family life really was. He went to school, worked hard and would come home only to spend the rest of his free time with Penelope.

As he got older, Avery was always testing his boundaries. How far could he push his luck with his parents, peers, teachers, and even law enforcement. He hung around with the wrong crowd and got pulled into things he never originally wanted to do. It was nothing serious until he was involved in the destruction of a school bus. Nobody could explain how the bus had been crushed nor who had been involved. It happened just after summer break, Avery and a group of his friends had snuck onto school campus that night just to mess around and smoke some weed. Avery was mainly there for Mitch Evans, Avery’s love interest at the time.

The night progressed and the group ended up hanging out in a school bus. The group whittled down to just 4 kids when Avery finally gained the courage to make a move on Mitch. He had tried to kiss the other and Mitch’s reaction was violent and resulted in Mitch punching Avery in the face and shoving him out of the bus. The flurry of embarrassment and heartbreak felt as if it was crushing his soul and before he knew it, the bus started to creak as the metal began to indent. The group inside had mostly been able to get out untouched, everyone except Mitch, who’s leg got stuck under a chair whilst the bus was imploding. After managing to free Mitch from the bus and getting him to the nearest hospital, the group vowed never to mention what had happened out of fear that whatever crushed the bus would follow them. Little did they know that Avery was the one that had crushed the bus and the only other person to ever know this would be Penelope. That was also the last time that Avery ever spoke to Mitch Evans.

That was just the beginning of weird events that would follow the O’Brien twins. Their father seemed to end every day with a bottle of whiskey and their mother seemed to become more unhinged every day. Avery pushed through, working hard at school, knowing that getting into college would be his escape. Having Penelope was also a blessing, having someone he could trust and open up too was a privilege he knew not many had.

Half-way through high school was when it all changed. Their parents had officially rejected them and kicked them out of the house. They had nowhere to go and started crashing on their friend’s couches. Soon Avery was given the opportunity to work a job with one of his friend’s older brothers and he took it. They robbed a yacht and got away with a bag full of expensive jewelry and cash from the on-board bar. It took a couple of weeks before the money was laundered, but Avery got his cut and a reputation. He was asked to do a couple of more jobs and started learning the ropes. It was his senior year when he pulled off his own job. He put most of his money into a savings account to buy a place for him and his sister. He finished school and was given a bursary to study engineering at a local college.

Now, at the age of 24 he is still studying engineering and lives in a decent apartment with his sister. He also works as an intern at a local high-end engineering firm that specialises in space technology. At night he works as a bartender which is mostly a cover and is where he gets approached by most of his clients to pull off jobs for them for a percentage of the cut. There’s been a change in the winds recently though and whispers of new and powerful mutant gangs coming to Miami has him watching his back.

His life is extremely busy so he’s constantly living in the now. If you stopped him and asked him what his goals were, he’d default to saying something about making sure that Penelope is safe, not that she needs his protection, but he barely thinks about what he wants these days. That’s why everyone in his life that has a ‘more than friends’ status seems to come and go, Avery doesn’t think about what he wants and always puts others first before himself, stretching himself as thinly as possible which often leaves his partners feeling neglected or toyed with.

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

Penelope O’Brien. It’s said that twins have some sort of special connection, and if that were true for humans, it was definitely true for mutants, especially if their powers were the yin to the other’s yang. Penelope was like the birth of a brand new star whilst Avery was the death of one. They were each other’s best friends from the second they were born. Not only was Penelope always there for him, she was the only one he confided in after the school bus incident. They spent countless nights staying up until sunrise chatting about boys and girls, school, life goals, games and so much more! Penelope was the first person Avery spoke to about his powers and he was so happy that he wasn’t the only twin with ‘gifts’. Being able to support each other was so much easier since they shared a secret. If anything weird would happen they’d race to the other and tell them, learning about each other’s powers together. Penelope wasn’t just his twin sister, they were his best friend too! Considering that Avery struggled to keep love around, this meant a lot to him. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without her and that’s why he’d die for her. He’d rather not be alive than live a life without her. This is where Avery’s loyalty turned fierce and where he would definitely cross a line if need be. In a sense, Penelope was Avery’s weakness in more than one way, emotionally and physically. He was sure that if there was anyone that could match his powers it would be Penelope and to what extent, he had no idea and he hoped that he’d never have to find out.

EXTRA:

Oh boy oh boy. I MEAN. What shouldn’t I put here?

I’m thinking that his reputation might get one of the groups to approach him? Maybe more than one group gets him to work for them as a freelancer?

Honestly I���m probably going to make a lot of content for Avery throughout the next week purely because I have so much muse for him, but I also kinda wanted to get this app in and this doesn’t influence decisions so… but here’s a link to the Pinterest board:

https://pin.it/3FkPGew

I might also make a mock-blog? And on there I’ll have graphics and headcanons? IDK. I’ll send it in if I do.

ANYTHING ELSE: Nope! All good! I honestly love this RP so much and I’m waaaaaay too invested for my own good.

[pivitor]

Be the Steven You Want to See in the World

The following is the most recent installment of my email newsletter, “Do You Know What I Love the Most?” I’m really proud of this one, and wanted it out there for y’all to read. Think of it as a free sample. If you like it, please share and subscribe to the newsletter here.

The following contains spoilers for Steven Universe and Steven Universe Future.

I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me

I don’t need you to love me, I love me

But I want you to know you could know me

If you change your mind

A little over one year ago, the above song capped off the final episode of Steven Universe, a series on Cartoon Network that began as an adorable little cartoon about a boy’s magical powers and eventually grew into a complex, emotionally rich saga about war, trauma, and identity — but one that remained accessible to viewers of all ages.

In the world of Steven Universe, its titular character stood alone. Steven’s father was a human, while his mother was a superpowered alien, both a rebel warrior and royalty in hiding; he was also, kinda, sorta, maybe the reincarnation of his mother? There was literally no other being in the universe quite like Steven, leaving the poor boy not only confused about just exactly who he was, but misunderstood by pretty much everyone he met, especially his alien “family” the Diamonds, the tyrannical rulers of the Gem Dynasty. The Diamonds refused to see Steven as anything other than his mother, eventually leading to them ripping his gemstone from his body in an attempt to revive his mother, something that could have potentially killed Steven.

Instead, though, it just revealed what viewers always knew — Steven was simply Steven, and nothing more. That revelation shattered the Diamonds’ worldview and their stranglehold on the galaxy. Steven saved the universe, but his most important victory was finally learning to love and respect himself, just as he was. Someday maybe the Diamonds would come to understand him, to see everything he has to offer simply by being himself, but if they never did, that’s okay. Steven already has the love and respect he needs without them.

It’s a sentiment that rang true for many of Steven Universe’s fans. Steven as a character, and his unique place in the universe, had always connected with many different varieties of viewers. Bi or muti-racial fans saw themselves in the way Steven was never fully at home in either Gem or human society, and queer viewers could appreciate the way that so many of Steven’s most prominent and praised qualities were ones that are traditionally viewed as feminine (as well as all the show’s more explicit pro-LGBTQ+ messages). All of them could likely find some solace in the ideas expressed in “Change Your Mind.”

I know I have. My relationship with my family is…okay. For now. I love my family dearly, we get along most of the time, and quite often even have a lot of fun just being in each other’s company, but I know there are parts of me that they’ll never be able to accept or understand. I’ve had to build a lot of walls between myself and them just to reach this tenuous equilibrium, and quite frankly, it hurts that they’ll never actually fully know who I am as a human being. When it seems overwhelming, I often think of Steven’s song. I can’t make them accept me. All I can do is love and respect myself, and be here if they ever change their minds.

If that was the end of Steven Universe’s world it would have been a fine legacy, but thankfully, the series continued on in the form of Steven Universe: The Movie and Steven Universe Future. The movie skipped ahead two years from the end of Steven Universe and, with a new villain, teased the “further adventures of Steven Universe,” but the limited series Future ended up being more of an epilogue to the original. Sure, there were a few enemies to fight, but they were largely loose threads Steven Universe left dangling. The real antagonist of Steven Universe Future ended up being Steven himself — or, more specifically, his trauma, insecurities, and sense of self.

In the original series’ extended theme song, each member of the main cast gets a chance to proclaim why they fight, and Steven’s is “I will fight to be everything that everybody wants me to be when I’m grown.” That’s always felt fairly ominous to me; that’s a Steven who doesn’t have a sense of self, of who he wants to be, who’s been devoured by his supposed duties and put aside his own emotions and concerns to make sure that everybody else is okay. Maybe that was sustainable in a time of war, but in the peaceful status quo of Future, these qualities come home to roost. Without people to help, without a world to save, who even is Steven Universe? What does he want his life to be? Steven doesn’t even begin to know how to look for answers, and is even less equipped to ask for help. He flounders more and more until he eventually breaks down.

Again, that’s something that myself and many other viewers can closely relate to. Like Steven, I was a “gifted” and sensitive child who was expected to excel, and hated to hurt people’s feelings so much that I chose to ignore my own feelings instead in order to please others. I was essentially a preacher’s son, expected to be a role model; to be anything else would be unthinkable and unacceptable. And as I got older and started to realize how different I was from everybody else, I had to protect myself by being somebody I wasn’t. I started to see myself as the problem, and tried to solve everybody else’s problems so that nobody would notice my own.

Both Steven and I tried to hide our mistakes so that our friends and family would never think poorly of us, would never know what we’d done wrong, so that we could always live up to the image of us people had in their minds. Living like that, though, means that you never learn from your mistakes, that you never get help and never grow, because you’re more concerned about hiding your mistakes than understanding why they happened and how to change them. Thankfully, Steven came to that realization much earlier in life than I did, but instead of reaching out for help, he just internalizes the mistake, blaming himself and condemning himself as a monster.

And when you think you’re a monster, you become a monster.

For most people, that’s a metaphor. In middle school, when I realized my wit gave me power, my pain caused me to lash out and briefly become a bit of a bully myself (after the second or third time I got beat up I grew out of it). Steven’s magical powers often cause things to be a bit more literal for him, though. While most gems can shapeshift on command, Stephen’s appearance has always been closely linked to his emotions; in one early episode, when Steven starts to “feel old” his body literally starts growing older and older until he almost dies of old age. Thus, when Steven starts to think of himself as a monster, he literally grows into a pink, horned, centipede-esque monster the size of a mountain.

Steven’s friends want to help — rightfully, they’re terrified for him, not of him — but their responses are also a little self-centered, albeit unintentionally so; they almost get into a contest, a game of “who hurt Steven more?” as they all blame themselves. It takes Steven’s best friend (and love), Connie, to get them to stop wallowing in self-pity and put Steven first. That shouldn’t be a surprise — while the rest of the cast has always protected Steven physically, they’ve also depended on him emotionally. From the very beginning of their relationship, though, Connie has been Steven’s greatest confidant. She forced Steven to open up to her when he stupidly tried to push her out of his life, and she’s been the only person who has consistently put Steven ahead of herself — sometimes to a fault — as Steven’s done for everyone else. And with her help, everybody Steven loves realizes that the way to save him isn’t by fighting him, but just by being there for him.

They embrace the monster-Steven in a massive group hug. They share with him all the ways Steven’s helped them, and help him realize that those same experiences allow them to relate to what Steven’s going through as well. Steven expected fear, shock, condemnation, and instead got understanding, love, and compassion, and shrinks back to himself, openly weeping in the arms of his friends and family. It’s his first step towards recovery.

It’s hard to understate how important this kind of support can be. I can think of multiple points in my life where just having people willing to be there for me moved me to tears. Knowing that there are people who will support you in matters great or tiny if only you actually bother to ask, to make yourself known to them, is powerful. Steven’s friends understood him more than he ever thought possible, and the same has proved true for me. Many times I’ve shared my past expecting to be judged or looked down on and instead only found understanding and compassion, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that kind of support has changed my life. And it changed Steven’s too.

Last weekend’s final episode of Steven Universe Future — the epilogue to the epilogue — still had a lesson or two left to impart. After a few months of therapy and help from those he loves, Steven decides to leave his home and strike out on his own so he can discover who he truly wants to be. There’s some sob-worthy goodbyes, but the major theme of the episode is that change is healthy and inevitable, and that people who love you will always be in your life no matter where you are.

It’s not necessarily a very original lesson, but it’s a vital one nonetheless. As I make (coronavirus-delayed) plans to move ahead into a new era of my own life, I can’t help but to find comfort in watching Steven do the same. Vitally, this final episode also provides a road-map to living in a post Steven Universe world. I’m losing one of my favorite shows, but I’ll always be able to revisit it, and the lessons I’ve learned will always be a part of me.

Perhaps the most important message of all, though, comes when Steven says goodbye to Peridot, a character who started out an enemy, but — through much effort from Steven — eventually became one of his closest friends and allies. As a sobbing Peridot laments that she’ll never find “another Steven” like this one, Steven tells her, “be the Steven you want to see in the world.”

If we carry any one lesson away from Steven Universe, I think it should be that one. Be the “Steven” who believes in love, in compassion and redemption, in helping those who need it, but also be the Steven who is honest about their limitations and shortcomings and allows others to help them and be there for them when they need it. In times like this, we all need that more than ever.

[faelapis]

Lapis, Present, & Future

an empathetic hot take on why, while i love lapis, i don’t think her future character development should be a straightforward redemption arc. 

lapis has always been one of my favorite characters. she is flawed, haughty,  volatile, and can hurt others deeply, but those are things i like about her. i wouldn’t want her to become a truly heroic figure, or keep up the pretense of a perfect victim. i can’t relate to those things, and that’s not her. 

her antagonistic moments are when she truly seems to be acting as she wants, no holds barred, which tells an interesting story. i love those parts of her. 

meeting her like this was the coolest shit ever. you can feel her anger, boiling over as the sea rises... and yet, she’s directing it at all the wrong people. steven just freed her, and the crystal gems didn’t know she was alive. she just assumed they did. lapis has an awful habit of casting herself as judge, jury, & executioner, going with her initial worst impulse when she feels threatened. 

and she still makes sense as a sympathetic character. she’s thrust into this brand new world, she can’t go back to the home she had before the war. she can’t even understand what homeworld is anymore. her worst actions are pretty extreme, yes... but she is in extraordinary circumstances. even if that’s not the fault of those she hurts for it. 

the point is, you get her. even if she might be bad.

keyword might, she’s far from all bad. she’s traumatized, she deserves help for that, she’s grown to care for steven, and she harbors guilt for what she’s done. that guilt isn’t always altruistic - usually, the focus is “what consequences will i face for this” - but you get why. it is real. she knows she’s done genuinely bad things. 

much like why she inflicts pain on others, her being flighty, emotionally volatile, and impulsive are all trauma responses. born out of her personality, as an ex-elite gem who - according to rebecca sugar - does know she deserves better, and the situation at hand.

however. the reason i can talk about this so succinctly and sympathetically is that the show has focused on her trauma quite a bit. it’s easy to feel bad for lapis. the show clearly wants you to. but... well, she has done terrible things to others. and steven, whose perspective we follow, is so used to seeing lapis as a victim that he can never bring himself to be mad at her.

neither can anyone else - peridot is so obsessed with pleasing her, she doesn’t realize when it’s gone way too far. she’s completely neglecting herself to make sure lapis is never, ever upset or challenged as a person. that’s just not healthy. and... i think that should have a genuine consequence for lapis’ arc. 

because really, what it does is it prevents her from truly growing. and if that’s the point of it, then the crewniverse is writing a WAY more interesting story than a straightforward redemption arc - they’re writing what happens when everyone assumes she doesn’t need one, and just focus on her trauma, not her actions. that criticism would just upset her. 

and that’s a story i wanna hear.

plenty has already been said about lapis in "reunited”, but one thing i don’t think is true is that this was the result of “off-screen development”. not really. 

if lapis lazuli has a defining characteristic, it is the very idea emotional volatility. lashing out + making emotional snap decisions is kinda Her Thing.

i think this was that. we saw this in “same old world”, too. lapis is not on earth because she wants to, but because - in her words - how she feels about homeworld punishing her. that punishment feels inevitable after what she’s done, and that prompts her to act. “if they’re gonna punish me like a crystal gem, i might as well be one”. in other words, she feels she doesn’t have anything to lose anymore. 

however... she isn’t in love with earth, or the CGs. she’s never shared a bonding scene with garnet, amethyst, or pearl. she’s always kinda forcing herself to get used to it. i think the show is aware of that, judging by “gem harvest”. 

why don't you put that corn in a mirror for thousands of years, and then see how it feels about the table?! IT WOULD REALLY HATE THE TABLE!

this reminds the audience that the current status quo isn’t perfect. you’re meant to be uncomfortable with lapis’ place in all of this. heck, even if you stan her, she’s not happy. this is why her leaving was so effective. calling herself a CG may intentionally feel wrong, like she’s settling for a cause she’s not dedicated to, because she’s not dedicated to anything.

so where can this be headed? it’s framed like lapis facing the music, doing the right thing to earn forgiveness, but not, crucially, the end of her emotional volatility. it’s a part of it. if threatened, she’s prone to lash out again. 

yes, things feel happy and settled now... but it might not last. which wouldn’t be fair, either. no one gets that easy an arc, as lapis pointed out when navy-ruby was pretending to be perfectly redeemed through friendship alone. “no one could be that well-adjusted”. lapis, too, is more interesting when her friends are faced with her faults - and sometimes, even lose her. 

perhaps just as importantly - her “big damn hero moment” doesn’t address the pain she’s inflicted on the other characters. i want to believe that’s intentional. 

if i’m right, as i was about her leaving, they’re not writing a redemption arc without accountability. they’re slowly letting the characters figure out that she’s not as perfect as they think, and only then will those she’s hurt find closure. 

for one thing, nobody in the main cast knows her past. five seasons in, we got no idea! she was an elite in blue’s court, and the only gems who know that role are bismuth and blue diamond, who both tried to kill her... and we still don’t know why bismuth did so. just that lapis was “supposed to be there for a short time” (doing what exactly?), and that a lapis terraforms.

i think that’s meant to give us pause. her backstory was told so simply, so lacking in nuance, it reminds me of rose’s backstory in “your mother and mine”: what happened was real, yes, but different in context. it’s never that simple. i don’t think it’s an accident that bismuth is back now... and corruption is the focus of next episode’s promo, meaning jasper could return... meaning raid theory may get its day in court sooner than expected, and lapis with it. 

in any case, lapis returning to “face the music” only works if there’s still music to face - and there should be. she’s hurt greg, peridot, jasper, almost drowned steven and connie... the show deliberately called the latter out, and dismissed connie in a way i think was, once again, intentionally avoiding lapis’ faults. connie went along with it, but not happily. 

we shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking this is the “final lapis”. SU hot takes tend to assume the current situation is forever (see: bismuth), or the morally correct one (see: bismuth), and i don’t think that’s true. lapis has already pretended she’s “in retirement” at the barn, as rebecca put it. the stability of that appeals to her sense of self-preservation.

but in doing this, lapis kinda gets in her own way. earth is not her home, and her friends don’t know her. they excuse / ignore her flaws - like peridot did with the unhealthy parts of their relationship. how much lapis has been through became the default mindset she adapted, de-prioritizing how she felt. steven did the same. he knows reminders of the past upset lapis, and even dismissed his own dad’s trauma in “the message” once greg called lapis mean.

greg: well she’s a riptide queen and she’s super mean! steven: whoa, hold the phone, lapis was not mean! she was just trying to get back home!

those things don’t need to contradict each other, though. yes, she was trying to get back home, for good reason... but she still broke greg’s leg and almost drowned steven. which makes it a problem that he doesn’t just love lapis, but is dedicated to making sure others do, too. 

this is reminiscent of a moment in “beta”:  amethyst, while distressed, mentioned jasper. peridot took the liberty of being offended on lapis’ behalf. lapis herself did not have a bad reaction - steven and peridot were just deeply overprotective, to the point of ignoring what other people (in this case, amethyst, and indirectly jasper herself) were going through. 

lapis is aware of this (can’t go back, alone at sea), but it’s in her favor to ignore it... the problem is, her perspective going unchallenged is kinda why she left. no one understood her enough to find a fault with the status quo. it was convenient. we don’t have to challenge her, cause she’s not killing us (anymore), so let’s just not. let’s just let bygones be bygones, even tho anyone else would face a mountain of criticism for doing the same. 

it’s the same loneliness we saw in rose/pink - who was treated as infallible. no one knew all of her, they just saw the leader she let them see. in this context, lapis being treated as this badass hero and tortured victim without a hint of skepticism in “reunited” would almost feel insulting, if it wasn’t for one thing: this is still steven universe, and it’s never that simple.

lapis can’t just be “the traumatized one”. not with all the pain she’s inflicted on others. love can’t save the day, because that love is incomplete. it’s idolizing, without changing or even acknowledging flaws. the dedication to the image of lapis means it’s going to take an outside force - such as bismuth, or even jasper, who has plenty of legitimate beef and IS coming back someday - to put her into context. 

everyone’s trauma should matter, including what she’s inflicted. thankfully, SU episodes contrast - they showcase different sides of each character, and that’s what keeps me going now. just as there’s an episode to show rose’s love for earth and pearl, there’s an “earthlings” and “bismuth” to show how she hurt others. we may just... have to wait for ours.

"reunited” showed us lapis at her strongest. now she’s back, the show’s got chance to explore her weaknesses, and put others’ feelings first.

not even steven or peridot can say they trust lapis to always be there for them. they just hope so. SU adores setting up tropes to subvert them, so i hope to see them challenging the “hero comes back last minute, so everything’s fine” thing. hopefully, the moments of self-awareness they’ve set up will serve a purpose: to address lapis’ discomfort with herself, and how she’s hurt others, in ways that can’t just be undone. 

[rpdwong]

[LET’S TALK RE2MAKE] Claire, Sherry (+ Leon) and Found Families

The Found Family trope is probably one of my favourite fictional tropes. Give me those relationships where a group of characters with nothing in common find each other and they become “home” and support each other, no matter what. It’s a powerful message: you choose your family. If you’re lucky, you might have a nice biological family that loves you. But that’s not always the case, and people should bond over something more than their blood ties. I think Claire and Sherry’s (and Leon to some extent) story in RE2 rings very true to this trope, and I was looking forward to watching how it developed in the RE2make.

Once again, I was happily surprised—to the point where I was almost teary eyed at certain scenes. I love Resident Evil with all my heart, and I cry at literally everything, but RE doesn’t usually have dramatic tension or sadness that hits that hard. But Claire’s scenario in RE2make did manage to get me and man, Claire and Sherry deserve a hug, a shower, all the puppies and parrots.

Sherry’s strangled relationship with her parents was explored in the original game. But, as I mentioned in my previous Let’s Talk RE2make about Ada and Leon, the game had its shortcomings when it comes to storytelling, simply because it’s a product of its time. I know RE2make is probably not most narrative driven game (we have BioWare games and, even though I haven’t played all of their games, I know Naughty Dog is praised for this) and it could do better, but when it comes to Resident Evil it IS a huge improvement—and this shows with Sherry’s character as well as Annette.

You see the strained relationship between mother and daughter in their brief encounters, you can also see that the Birkins were REALLY shitty parents, but Annette did care about her daughter—though that doesn’t really excuse her behaviour, but people are complicated and this is how it is.

So we have this poor little girl with huge abandonment issues, running around a police station looking for her mom, though she knows Annette doesn’t always have time for her (you might think NOW she should). But she is scared, she’s been chased by a monster (and as far as I remember, I think she’s aware the monster is William, right?? I really need to replay all scenarios, just writing all this  from memory), alone and defenseless…

And then she meets Claire.

I think it’s important to highlight that Claire is also very young here, just 19 years old. A BABY AS WELL. We know she’s capable of looking out for herself, but it’s still a terrible situation, she might even be still worrying about Chris’ whereabouts here (depending on which scenario you play). But Claire, despite having no obligation to take care of Sherry, looks after her and decides to help her find her mom/escape.

Claire even takes it upon herself to save her from Irons. Again, Claire could just have walked out once she makes it out of the station—but she doesn’t. So, for once, there is somebody there for Sherry. Someone she can rely upon and trust, who makes her feel protected, as any child should (especially in a situation like this).

When Claire rescues Sherry from the dumpster, after she’s been infected, Sherry asks her why Claire is doing all this. Claire answers: “Because I care.” Then I start crying, because this is so beautiful. It’s not that Annette doesn’t care, we know she does in some way—but she’s still terrible with Sherry (that conversation they have over the CCTV makes me want to punch Annette so, so badly)  when the girl needs her the most, needs that reassurance that “hey, everything’s going to be fine”.

Claire is the one who gives her that, who genuinely cares about her and shows it. It’s great that Claire also calls out Annette on her shitty behavior a few times (when she finds Sherry and later on before fighting G 3). When they’re on the cable car, Claire wants to give her the pendant back. Sherry rejects it, because it was a gift given by her mother, when all she wanted was for her to be home and spend time with her. It’s a sort of memento of everything that’s wrong between mother and daughter, in some way. Doesn’t help that, later on, we find out the pendant is the key to get the vaccine. We could say this is Annette’s saving her daughter in some way, but I also think it’s just another link to Annette and William’s job, which was the problem in the first place.

In the end, the bond Sherry and Claire develop is that of a newfound family. Thankfully, for the first time, Capcom has given us confirmation on what the hell happened to Chris and Claire’s parents, and we know they died in a car accident. So she only had her brother as family, which is why Chris is so important to her. The reason she travelled to Raccoon City because she hadn’t heard about him in a whole month. Maybe she even knew about the mansion incident, so she was getting worried something might’ve happened (though I don’t think Chris would tell her much, just to protect her).

But the thing here is that Sherry doesn’t even have a Chris. She has nobody, she’s alone. Claire can relate to being parentless, that’s why she bonds with Sherry (as she tells her to comfort her at the beginning). But, just as she had Chris, Sherry deserves that one person she can trust and rely upon—and that’s her now. They become family during this terrible experience, because Claire moved heaven and hell to save Sherry when no one else did. She was there for her when it mattered, unlike her parents (disclaimer: even though I really like Annette’s evolution in this game and she’s a good character, you can see I hold a grudge against her— it made me so angry how she treated Sherry!).

Now, I mentioned Leon in regards to the Found Family trope, because I think he more or less is a part of it. Leon, Claire, Sherry and Ada are all the “original” Raccoon City survivors (we have Jill afterwards, but since her story is completely isolated from RE2 and in a different game, I don’t think it counts for this). Ada’s a complicated case because of her role in the story and she only makes contact with Leon (except for that tiny moment in the original, where she retrieves Sherry’s pendant) and she doesn’t actually escape with them.

But Leon and Claire are our heroes, they make it out alive of Raccoon City and they help Sherry in the process. Even though in the RE2make Leon and Claire interact way less than in the original, and Leon doesn’t even meet Sherry until the very end, I think that last scene still resonates in the audience as a family moment, in which Leon is included.

In the original it’s all fun and games, until Leon says the “It’s up to us to take out Umbrella” or Claire says “I have to find my brother”. They have made it all more light hearted and fun in the RE2make, which I also think is much more realistic than just HEY WE HAVE TO BRING UMBRELLA DOWN or Claire immediately leaving, as RE3’s epilogue implied. After all she’s done for Sherry, she wouldn’t just leave her like that.

I have heard of two main criticism regarding the ending I’d like to address before finishing up this thing:

a) Sherry is way too cheerful after having just lost both her parents (and especially her mom, whose death affects her more). I can understand this and it is a valid complain, but I also think it could be a coping mechanism. That’s why she even jokes with the “You guys could adopt me!” because now she’s lost her real family, but has found a new one in Claire, and hey, this new guy seems to be on Claire’s good side and he’s helping and taking her to safety. I mean, I’d LOVE to be adopted by Leon and Claire, who wouldn’t??? I also think this is a case of Resident Evil not being ever really 100% down to Earth. RE endings always end up in a hopeful note, sometimes even cheesy. It’s a way to comfort the player as well, after all the terrible things we’ve been through with our characters. I think this is just another version of that, and it’s so beautiful to watch Leon and Claire holding Sherry’s hands and walking into the sunset. There might be problems ahead, but hey, they made it out! They are alive! It’s less cut and dry than the original, and it gives you a feeling that they’ve all bonded over this experience. And this is so fitting with what we know from RE6 Sherry. She talks about Leon and Claire with the utmost admiration, tells Jake they’re the reason she’s alive and she just wants to live up to their example. I think this ending resonates with that feeling she shares in RE6 and it’s beautiful.

b) Capcom is pushing Leon/Claire as a pairing. Ok, let’s open this can of worms. First of all: I hate shipwars, they are pointless and a waste of precious fandom time, and I don’t ship Leon and Claire, never have in my whole life, but I do see the appeal and it’s clear some of their interactions in the remake are kinda flirty. And this is all fine. Now, I don’t think their interactions at the end are the flirty ones. 

When Claire jokes about the “one helluva first date”, she’s answering Leon’s comment when Sherry asks them about the girlfriend/boyfriend thing (where he points out they’ve just met, literally). Then Leon’s answer to Claire is clearly a reference to what has actually happened to him with Ada. That being said, Capcom was probably teasing the idea in a fan servicy way, but it’s still all in-character. Sherry’s the one pushing all those things here, and it can be explained because she’s just a 12 years old girl and is wondering who Leon is and why Claire knows him, since they’re happy to see each other alive. Hence the adoption comment later on. Sherry craves a family and, right now, these two people are practically her world after having suffered terrible things. 

I do see Leon and Claire as sort of parental figures to Sherry, or at least the big sister/brother vibe, but that doesn’t mean Capcom is pushing anything here, IMO. My only gripe with all this is that I liked the idea of Claire being one of the few female characters that had  0 romantic tension with Leon, but still I don’t think we can call it that since they barely interact and it was just flirty banter. (I do enjoy, though, that their interactions are friendlier than in the original and they keep cheering each other up with those “We’re gonna make it!!). And hey, they’re both VERY PRETTY. If I were Leon, I’d get all flustered around Claire and viceversa. As some people have pointed out, both characters have a record of being flirty in general with other people, so this isn’t out of character for them either. In any case, I don’t think this is what’s happening in the ending scene and, even though it’s a nice fan service moment for people who do ship Leon and Claire, it can be seen just as a easily as a Found Family moment without any romantic connotations. Both work perfectly and leave every fan happy, no need for ship dramas. They ruin everything and it’s not worth it.

Seriously, that image of the three of them walking together into the sunset, holding hands fills my heart with happiness <3 Whether you ship one thing or another, don’t let anyone or anything rob you of the beauty this moment holds for Resident Evil history.

[gcrifin]

getting to know Lulubelle!!

tagged by: @devilslcg​ GET YOINKED tagging: Who you think

Name?       ❝ Lulubelle Elsemore!! ❞ What was this, role call? ❝ My friends call me Lulu. Or, if you’re after my neck, ‘Loyal’ Lulu ! ❞

Are you single?       ❝ Yeah. But are you really single when you’re having such a good time ?? ❞

Are you happy?       ❝ You know what they say: you can always be happier ! ❞

Are you angry?       ❝ I don’t think so. ❞ A thoughtful hum. ❝ I am a little bummed I don’t have anyone to hang out with, though . ❞

Are your parents still married?       ❝ Of course!! At least, I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t be. I haven’t seen them in a long time ... ❞

              NINE FACTS –

Birth Place?       ❝ San Faldo, in Paradise. Liveliest place you’ll ever see !! ❞

Hair Color?       ❝ Blonde . ❞

Eye Color?       ❝ Green . ❞

Birthday?       ❝ December 8th . ❞

Mood?        ❝ Everything’s been okay, so I guess I’m doing okay too ! ❞ 

Gender?       ❝ Female . ❞

Summer or winter?       ❝ I like both, but I guess summer! I don’t like wearing extravagant costumes in the summer but it’s perfect for comfy clothes! Winter is great for balls, though. Walking through snow in a fluffy gown makes me feel like a noble ! ❞ 

Morning or afternoon?       ❝ Afternoon comes just before the night life, ❞ a wide grin, ❝ and nothing beats the night life! Nobody likes waking up hung over, anyway . ❞

              EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE ? –

Are you in love?       ❝ Mm, that’s a nice thought, isn’t it? Being in love ? ❞ A tap of the lower lip. Kittenish smile, twisting quickly into mischief. ❝ Wouldn’t you like to know, nosy ? ❞

Do you believe in love at first sight?       ❝ A lot of stranger things happen. Fairy tales are a reality in the New World. ❞ being able to transform into a monstrous griffin, Lulubelle can attest to that statement. ❝ I suppose I do . ❞

Who ended your last relationship?       ❝ Do affiliations count? Because I’ll be damned if I let the navy step all over me again. ❞ Or the captain responsible for causing her so much grief, for that matter. ❝ Also, their soldiers keep saying they won’t back off even when I invite them out! Can you believe that? I’m not even a pirate !! ❞ Yet. She mumbles deeply into the fabric of her cloth, ❝ I bet if I made a deal with a Warlord they’d listen to me ... ❞

     Or try to kill her of their own accord. But at least it would be more fun than scaring off novice marines. That was starting to get taxing. It had been a fairly long time since she felt genuinely threatened by anything or anyone . 

     ❝ Oh, it has to be romantic? ❞ she purses her lips. ❝ Well, I haven’t really had anything to end, so ... ❞

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?      A soft bite of the lip and a concerned expression. ❝ No. At least, I really hope not . ❞

     Her parents’, maybe, when she left and considered never coming back .

Are you afraid of commitments?       ❝ I make commitments all the time! Do you know how many parties I’ve planned? The kind of people I’ve put up with? Plus I’ve been out to sea for years now and ── ❞ It’s as if there’s a list a mile long as to why she’s more than capable of handling commitment . 

Have you hugged someone within the last week?       ❝ Sure! People are starting to get less friendly, though. It’s kinda hard to find people okay with it when most of them are holding a knife to your throat saying they’re gonna claim your bounty. ❞ She laughs a little, the happiest smirk cutting it short. ❝ They wish . ❞

Have you ever had a secret admirer?       ❝ Have I? It wouldn’t be very secret if I knew, now would it ? ❞

Have you ever broken your own heart?      She says nothing. The only semblance of an answer is a slight nod .

              SIX CHOICES –

Love or lust?       ❝ Love, obviously! But... ❞ a coy smile. No Lulu, ❝ you don’t kiss and tell, right? ❞ Damn it, Lulu .

Lemonade or iced tea?       ❝ Both if I can put vodka in them. ❞ A wide, all-knowing grin .

Cats or Dogs?       ❝ Where are all the wild choices? Birds, reptiles, amphibians?? My own devil fruit can’t even pick which animal it wants. ❞ A joke, albeit a terrible one. ❝ But I guess since the king of beasts is in my blood now, cats . ❞

A few best friends or many regular friends?        ❝ Can’t I have both ? ❞

A wild night out or romantic night in?       ❝ Come on!! Do I always have to pick between all the fun stuff? ❞ An audible pout and a puckered lower lip, which she quickly retracts. ❝ Obviously I like having wild nights out! I grew up in the Carnival City! ❞ She presses a hand to her face, a wistful expression in her eyes. ❝ But who says no to a party of two ? ❞

     It’s difficult to discern whether Lulubelle is an actor or a dancer at this point .

Day or night?       ❝ The night life !! ❞ 

               FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS –

Been caught sneaking out?       ❝ It was only one time. I didn’t do it again after that because my mother threatened to stop taking me with her to her bigger parties. In hindsight, I know she was lying, but little me wasn’t taking any chances on missing out . ❞

Fallen down/up the stairs?       ❝ Of course not. Who does something silly like that ?? ❞

     Lulubelle does. Multiple times. Especially while drunk. Nothing quite like a night of celebration to really bring out the idiot in a young, wild heart .

Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?       ❝ I wanted to be free, once. ❞ It was a tender subject. A shame she hadn’t the motivation to explain any further .

Wanted to disappear?       ❝ ... Yeah . ❞

              FOUR PREFERENCES –

Smile or eyes?       ❝ Both! What good’s a sharp smile without a sharp pair of eyes ? ❞

Shorter or Taller?       ❝ Oh, taller... like a protective wall to wrap their arms around you! Or maybe simply intimidate your enemies. ❞ There was something about sheer intimidation and strength that really caught the griffin’s attention. Then again, there was something sweet about the meek and small. ❝ But short is sweet . ❞

Intelligence or Attraction?       ❝ Why not both? I can’t imagine anybody that’s made it all the way to the New World lacking in either . ❞

Hook-up or Relationship?       ❝ Relationship. Duh. But if you ask nicely, maybe I’ll follow you home . ❞

     A playful flick of the tongue, naught more than the tip . 

              FAMILY –

Do you and your family get along?       ❝ Family is everything! It doesn’t matter what kind of family you have or plan to make! Of course we get along !! ❞

Would you say you have a “messed up life”?       ❝ Maybe. But it’s not living if everything feels like an impossible dream made into reality, now is it ? ❞

Have you ever ran away from home?       ❝ I didn’t get very far, ❞ she admits sheepishly. ❝ I came right back home because I got hungry and I was too young to get into any of the night parties by myself . ❞

Have you ever gotten kicked out?       ❝ I had a bar kick me out once because the keep said I was beating up all his patrons, ❞ an exaggerated incredulous look. ❝ It’s not my fault people have egos the size of their over-inflated heads! I make bets, I win, and then their big boy prides get bruised and they start it. I like having a little entertainment while I eat. I just wanna have a little fun!! Is that so bad ?? ❞

     A pause. ❝ Oh? No... my parents would never kick me out. Why do you ask ? ❞

              FRIENDS –

Do you secretly hate one of your friends?       ❝ Why on earth would I hate a friend? Kinda defeats the purpose of a friend, doesn’t it ? ❞

Do you consider all of your friends to be good friends?       ❝ I don’t see why not . ❞

Who is your best friend?       ❝ Salohn. ❞ She tries not to chuckle but does so anyway. ❝ He knows just about everything you could ever know about weapons. I guess he kind of saved me once, too. He was in the navy a lot longer than I was. Really fun guy. Really good tactician, too. People think he’s an idiot because he’s so fun-loving and oblivious but he doesn’t really mess around when it comes to strategy. Haven’t seen him in ages, though. ❞ A curious scratch of the scalp. ❝ I wonder what he’s up to ... ❞

Who knows everything about you?       ❝ My parents. ❞ Possibly. There was a lot of memories being made that she hadn’t had the time to share with anybody. But they knew her better than just about anybody else. ❝ I guess Salohn reads me like a book, too. To be fair though, he reads everybody like a book. That’s kinda just how he is . ❞

[rennyji]

July 20th tweets...

July 20th tweets...

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“Aaryan” is another one of those Mohanlal movies from the place of my background. I saw this late in life, and during the phenomena, several times, I would mention to my mother, and especially father, about the parallels. In the movie, Mohanlal’s character is a devout Hindu Brahmin from a respected family. He’s happy with his life and has a girlfriend, in a woman he’s known since childhood. Men not respecting societal roles and in greed for money and power, wrongfully set up the family in a crime of their planning. Mohanlals character loses his family to death and humiliation, as well as his home, and his girl friend also, in the actress, Shobhana. He flees to Mumbai, where he follows a very earthly path centered on money and attaining that money through jobs, where his philosophy is “Ill do anything for money.” He sinks himself in alcohol and the company of gangsters and joins them. Once obtaining enough money, he avenges the wrong doers against his family and seeks to restore his family’s lifestyle and “way of living.”

I guess I remember that movie because he was minding his own business, when people rooted in jealousy and greed, wanted to steal that from him. And me, after more than a decade of “lightly and carefully portrayed to the public” abuse, I can’t help but think, wasn’t I minding my own business?

For my sectionalistic brethrens who identify through the body parts, rather than the overall body that is the country, as you forgot about order, structure, unity, brought about through ancient Hinduism, for a visual example: think the movie, “Koyla.” Shah Rukh Khans character get turned into a mute and a servant by the people who killed his parents, from greed, for stumbling on their fortune of diamonds in this life. To save Madhuri Dhixits character, and to restore his dignity, he takes revenge on those who took decades of his life. I guess what I’m getting at is, from Koyla, you can see just how evil some men truly are. Even in real life, some people will take decades from your life. Before killing you, they’ll turn you into the court jester for their people and they may even shock your brains 20 times to make you more numb and compatible for mind control/mind reading.

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In Mark 4:33-34

33 “With many such parables he spoke ithe word to them, as they were able to hear it. 34 He did not speak to them without a parable, but privately to his own disciples he explained everything.So Christ talked to everyone in parables, and said, let those with ears hear. However he discussed the parables with his disciples, in private, elaborating on their meaning.Here I am, in the present day, a nobody, trying to elaborate on meanings and about living a life with meaning. But my own mother, instead of listening intently, will talk about toilets or do something involving uncleanliness, when I talk to her about things of God. My father prays and prays (though mechanically, without heart, without understanding meaning), and yet he fails to see and respect my seriousness in willful words and actions, based on faith. He’s so busy talking about defending what he as a father does, he fails to see that I’m enduring this, simply because of the hand of God carrying me, when the infidel tries to figuratively break my legs.I can see why Christ elaborated on heavenly things with just his disciples. Other people wouldn’t give it the respect it deserves (through talking about random things like toilets or whatever) or would let it fly over their heads as something nice sounding and tantalizing.

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Orchestrator government group 1 tries to piss me off to say things or write things about them, so that the child like voices rooted in perhaps the party school I attended (for completion of my undergraduate) makes it about them or me randomly addressing people who aren’t direct with me.

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I dunno I think I’m being led to think that I’m not seeing “this situation” in the way it’s projected to others…ok guys, lemme walk with you on this, let’s take a deep breath and digest the fact that this has been going on for more than a decade- I mean that alone, if nothing else, is horrendous…so am I disillusioned?

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So I keep telling you guys to refrain from taking part in this, and to only help me by talking directly to me- especially about the situation. I tell you take a load off and just be natural in your interactions without hiding that this happened/is happening.

Yet, for one thing, some of you may try to assist me on the road under one or more things that you have been led to see me through- that goes back to my talk about mental filters…

If something tells you guys that I’m about to change a lane unnaturally, it results in the following:

The guy in front of me will abruptly slow down, while I’m checking my mirrors to the other lane, leaving me to still drive forward, while the guy in front of me is instructed to slow down. Kinda malicious of the orchestrators, don’t you think? Two cars risk colliding…

But then sometimes, I notice cars in the other lanes, accelerate, as I’m about to change lanes, while others leave significant space.

Please just follow the rules of the road and stop relying on external knowledge when making your decisions on the road.

Some of you may be instructed to smile a particular way (smiling is great if it’s not rooted in an instruction), frown a particular way, nod to me from the corner of my eye…see, think about it from my perspective. I have mind cr*p- to be very very very general- to deal with all day. When you have too many programs open on your computer, doesn’t it freeze or become unresponsive? Whether by design or carelessness, despite my effort to get you to be direct with me, these indirect things to make me think one thing or the other, are meant to overload my brain-the orchestrators just give me stuff to pick up on, where I have no idea what’s it’s about. I may have written something before that frown or whatever. Is that supposed to make me think ur unhappy with me for you allegedly eavesdropping into my life and making things about you, the stranger,  when you don’t even follow me on Twitter or Facebook?

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I heard the following: DMX- Party Up- from the lyrics,

So whatever it is you puffin' on that got you think that you Superman (doing this for a decade)

I got the Kryptonite, should I smack him with my dick and the mic?

Y'all niggas is characters, not even good actors (ur a bunch of cocky arrogant losers)

What's gon' be the outcome? Hmm, let's add up all the factors

I keep saying there’s two sides to every coin. But you like to tip that scale. Always remember how much of an a*shole he is, more than any crazy, for starters, to put such statements/sentences out in public- that too when the world is monitoring every aspect of me…I mean I could be giving the police or some legal case against me, a ball for their courts through my recorded words and written statements- so in response, I’m in a rap mood:

Eminem says

Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit

I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe

I'm tired of all you, I don't mean to be mean

But that's all I can be, it's just me

I realize these guys(artists)all deal with stupid people like the orchestrators while the larger audience of the world “say oh that’s mean” without context (what was preceding, what was said and done, and what occurred after)

At the end of this, either the orchestrators or me, will be progressing forward in in peace and happiness. Im making that clear, I’m throwing in all my cards, because no matter how numb you make me, my hate accumulating over a decade will find its nourishment. So Have fun, f*ers…

and to the larger audience, lemme guess “oh no he’s mad…what happened…awww” yeah ummm thanks for never talking to me, but thanks for the sentiment too.

Contrary to how I’ve been living for more than a decade, word of advice to the world: “Show the other cheek, talk out your problems, write 300 pages with variations of the idea of returning to normalcy in one chapter in life in an official police complaint, endure a decade, and hope for a solution- this can only be done for so long, and a decade? F* that sh*t. Orchestrators? F* ur wives, husbands , and Kids..

hey guys, when someone is giving YOU a hard time, please be like me and Let them shock your brain 20 times too, for talking about the hard time, so that you can show that you have no decency and are willing to bend over for them, for the sake of “compliancy.”  Next time the F* fake protectors of the law, who don’t protect the rights of an American citizen(wtf does ur Stars and Stripes flag stand for? The red and white ropes they bind you down with in life? Are the 50?!stars on ur flag about ninja stars you throw at ur country’s victims? Maybe the 50 is about, how they’ll screw you 50 times over for minding ur own business i.e always remember: nice guys finish last…maybe the red is about how the country likes to make you bleed/watch you bleed/and entertain others on how you bleed while you try to stand strong)…but where was I? Next time the F* fake protectors of the law, who don’t protect the rights of an American citizen want come in 4 SUVs and make you walk barefoot, for talking about “the situation” ur not supposed to know about daily, be mindful, you will be on the list, when I gain back my authority. Bear in mind the respect enforced, actually needs to be earned through effort and not by a rough voice or tough exterior.

Peepz , when law enforcement engages in a circus, makes remorseful random faces fo you while, get this: simultaneously, engaging in madness, when the FBI engages in silence to make you America’s prostitute of a servant of a hero/icon,

please,

never follow my example.

If any of you get out into a fraction of my problem, don’t waste your health, ur dignity. At times, fists and kicks are the only answer. I went about my life reporting things to authorities, dreaming about best friending a girl in college and marrying her…the works…-if respect can’t be earned or given because some infidel playing or being a false god commands it, “seize respect. “

You can’t waste time on some superficial high ideal high minded losers.

So I keep talking about mental exhaustion…you still actually do the same things, over and over…- so I’m supposed to fall. What’s the matter orchestrators? Could t f*me in the a*s while standing strong? You need me to collapse or be on a stretcher? Would a tempur pedic be ok when you stop most likely molesting ur kids? F*ers…

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So I was listening to “Sam’s Gone” from “I Am Legend,”

And I remembered the powerful end scene from I Am Legend…listen and watch 37 seconds into this clip till the end:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7LsxKkh0zg

Starting from 37 seconds, Will Smiths character says “They’re not gonna stop…they’re not gonna stop…” those coincidentally white horrific mutations of humans, in their mindlessness, their aggression, their lack of heart and compassion, remind me of the police officers who made me walk barefoot, it reminds of some party school professors, it reminds of the orchestrators rooted in the mind cr*p - after a decade, I’ve come to acceptance that “they’re not gonna stop.”

For 10+ years of slavery, further indignified by turning me into a joke,

That moment where Will Smiths character and the mutated man (symbolizing an American orchestrator) race to battle towards each other - man…after a decade plus of provoking me, literally 24/7…when we’re finally face to face, I want to see what he/she has the balls to do. De palabra de espanol: “Ver”, ”, mi gentes, “Ustedes Ven la  cara de el Diablo blanco.”

Regarding that moment, when the orchestrators and me race toward each other, win/lose, it’ll be like this from 300:

ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOLpIkoS0QY

You, orchestrators may have the big guns, may have humanity following ur instructions, but like many before me, it’ll be like these two segments from the below 300 movie clip: 1:02- 1:50, 2:12-2:57

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qubItQjdSHA

In a deep state of mind to what transpired years ago, I said that I will get justice. Am I’m saying it again. You, the American orchestrators, turn mankind into one team in conviction and practice against me, you’ll torment me for a decade plus…maybe even destroy me after humiliating me-as is American military style.

Just know this: I, an Indian man, fated to suffer this “situation” in your country, will come back lifetime after lifetime, to finish what you started with me in this epoch of time, where you seek to conquer the Kingdom of God, that resides in every conscious mind wanting peace.

Orchestrators,ur quite welcome to see me as that cockroach who just won’t die or stay dead.

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