#The Mark of Athena is the only thing I am a bit mixed on how I would handle

[thatonefandomjumper]

Nico and Reyna should have been a part of the seven. Not Percy and Annabeth.

I am long past the point of being upset about this, but it’s still something I feel is worth talking about.

Percy and Annabeth had their story. They had five books of that story in fact. Their arcs were pretty much completed by that point. Sure, there was room to expand the scraps that were left untouched, and I definitely think they should do that, but to do that there was no need for them to be parts of the seven.

I am aware that this would completely change the narrative of the story, but they can still be parts of the Argo crew

Now, when I say that, I mean that they'd function in a similar way that Nico and Reyna did in the original books

Reyna is a new character and Nico is one that’s far from having been developed to his fullest. Making them parts of the seven would give them more time to shine. Especially Reyna. The dynamics of the characters on this shp would need to shift and change from the beginning!

Like- Think of how this would effect the politics of Camp Jupiter? The fall into Tartarus? The blood of Olympus!?

And honestly I’d love for Percy and Annabeth to be tagging along to the quest, just not as part of the seven.

But of course, the people wanted Percy and Annabeth, and Percy and Annabeth was given too the people. They were even thrown into Tartarus for the people.

Judging from the reaction people had to Jason in The Lost Hero, the reason why Percy and Annabeth were a part of the seven is, of course, very clear, but that doesn’t mean I think a more interesting story could have been told if it had been Reyna and Nico.

[fredcasden]

Notes 12/24/22

Good afternoon everyone,

Well my 40th Birthday yesterday was a real mixed bag in so many ways. For one my mom's first radiation treatment was cancelled due to the inclement weather. So that's been pushed back to Tuesday. If you would like to donate to help with some of the medical expenses, you can do so at https://gofund.me/6adf8354. In fact we had one donation during yesterday's stream that pushed the total raised so far past the $1,000 mark. Thank you very much!

As for the stream, we started at 1:30 PM, and it's a good thing we did, We started with DKO Divine Knockout, getting several wins as Athena over the course of the first two hours, then after a break to check up on my mom, we played Ghostbusters Spirits Unleashed, and was getting into a good groove until 4:55 PM when the weather started causing havoc, as I experienced a noticeable inability to keep a steady upstream connection. .

We switch the stream over to Just Chatting, doing a couple of games of APBA Baseball, made a Mass Effect squad member tier list, but at 7 PM I ran out of things to do under a Just Chatting format, and with the constant stream resets. Bandwidth tests using TwitchTest showed no 0 quality, which only occurs when there was an major issue. I called Xfinity, and was was told that numerous people were starting to call in reporting the same issue.

So needless to say my Birthday ended up being a real downer. At the very least, the Twitch VOD version of the first 3+ hours is in the archives.

I do want to thank those who kicked in 600 bits during the stream and to scotchboxvr for the raid, following their stream of Evil West over at twitch.tv/scotchboxvr

Getting back what we managed to do in terms of games, we did get a couple of achievements.

Divine Knockout Achievements

Traveler’s Tall Tale: Achieved 'Traveler’s Tall Tale'

KO Collection Gold: Achieved 'KO Collection Gold'

Ghostbusters: Spirits Unleashed Achievements

Right back at ya: Break a tether and down the buster who tethered you within 10 seconds

Stream Clip Links

Triple Knockout... 3 for 1!

Just being a Teddy Bear

The Eagle Has Landed?

For the raid, we dropped in over on the official twitch channel for Mystery Science Theater 3000 over at https://www.twitch.tv/mst3k

Because my birthday stream was cut short i went and did some writing on the sixth chapter of the Mass Effect series of short story commission requests.

Also made some more progress on the Overwatch season 2 battle pass, though my latency was all over the pace until things settled down around 12:30 AM.  

Today's Fitness Boxing 2 daily workout featured Defensive Combo #2, Triple Combo #2 and Intermediate Combo #1 for 31 minutes

How can you make seven an even number? Just take away the "s"!

Song of the Day: Jingle Bell Rock by Bobby Helms  

For tonight's stream, the plan is to start the story mode of Persona 4 Arena Ultimax. Here's hoping Xfinity gets things sorted so we can have a full stream.

[anyoneseenadam]

Home: Chapter eight

azriel x reader (acotar)

summary: (y/n) is a daughter of Persephone, still recovering from the trauma of her fall into Tartarus and doesn’t have time for a stupid, handsome, annoying, stunning, injured man. But now they’re stuck together in the middle of nowhere and there only chance of getting home is if she can heal him, and fast.

warnings: big spoilers for mark of Athena and house of Hades, also for the acotar series, eventual smut, blood, PTSD, graphic descriptions of violence, injuries and torture, enemies to lovers so az is a bit of a dick to start, swearing

word count: 1.6k 

a/n: ahhh this is the last part and I’m kinda sad but at the same time I don’t want to drag it out, I also have a new idea for a dorian x reader so it’s a good thing to finsih one but am still sad. I hope you enjoy I made it extra fluffy (also had a cheeky wee hint back to the first part)

--------------------------------------------

You were sat in front of a large mirror, taking in your appearance as you listened to the noise downstairs, the hustle and sounds of people speaking as they rushed about in preparation a sharp contrast to the silence of your and Azriel’s shared room. The girl looking back at you in the mirror was beautiful. Her hair was pinned up, revealing a long neck adorned with a simple necklace your lover had gifted you. Your skin was clear as well, any blemishes you had, any scarring from acne you had picked at, was gone, replaced by dewy, glowing skin. In fact everything about you seemed to glow, your hair was shinier, your skin had a new ethereal sense about it, and you looked more like your mother than you ever had before.

You heard a clatter of plates downstairs and bit your lip with a slight smile, running your hands over you dress. It was baby pink, as you had commented that white may be a little on the nose, with a deep V-neck and white and pink flowers trailing down the heavy skirt, you had picked it out with the help of Feyre and Mor who had dragged you out shopping, giggling when you had stared in shock at the sheer number of dresses you only believed existed on Pinterest. You reached over the vanity and picked up the delicate gold dangling earrings that you had ‘bought’ (Azriel had technically bought them but you certainly paid him back) and put them on, gazing wistfully at your now pointed ears.

So much had changed so quickly. Azriel’s family were extremely welcoming, instantly treating you like they had known you forever. You became incredibly close with Cassian and Nesta, much to Azriel’s amusement, as you bonded over books with Nesta and a general love of Azriel with Cassian. Nesta was officially sold on you when she finished ‘Call Me by Your Name’ the day you gave it to her, the two of you discussing it all night as you made promises to find a way to show her the movie. Rhysand and Mor treated you like a sister, the three of you soon teasing each other, Amren genuinely laughing when you let loose your more creative insults. The only one who seemed reserved at first was Elain, but soon the two of you were spending hours in the garden as you taught her about the different needs that different plants had and how to grow them most effectively.

Azriel had never been more in love. He already knew you were mates but now that it was official, and possible, he felt like he was on cloud nine. He was in love with how quickly you feel asleep in his arms. The way you lit up when talking about your passions, hands moving widely. He was in love with the way your eyes sparkled constantly now, only rarely being overcome with shadows, ones that he had learned to help dispel, you were laughing more and had even started showing your back again. When you went to the House of Wind to train with Cassian and Azriel one summer afternoon you had removed your top, leaving you in a simple sports bra, not missing the mix of pride and desire in Azriel’s eyes as you continued your exercises.

“Can I ask what happened?” Nesta had asked late that day, Feyre looking up from her book, Nyx cradled in one arm. You had explained, and after, when you expected to be pushed away, Feyre had simply passed Nyx to Nesta and wrapped her arms around you, holding you for a long while, even when the Illyrians entered the room. When she pulled away you noticed the tears in her eyes and offered her a small smile, as she whispered to you.

“You’re with your family now, nothing like that will ever happen again.” And then you were crying too.

Now you were sat in your low-back dress with your hair up, scars on display for anyone to see. You had been woken at nine am by an excited chorus of fae women and all but shoved into a bath, your hair washed, and skin scrubbed until you felt new-born. You had been brought a strong, dark coffee and some honeyed toast as you sat soaking in the bath, your friends moving about outside tidying your room and fishing out everything you needed, before you were pulled from the bath and forced to dry. When you had walked back into the room, you found Mor wiggling her eyebrows as she passed you a bag which, on further inspection, you found contained an intricate set of baby blue lingerie making you laugh loudly as you thumbed the material. They had then crowded you, Nesta drying and styling your hair as Feyre did your face, treating it alike one of her beautiful paintings, Elain painting and filing your nails as Amren and Mor sat sipping on champagne, both donned in beautiful, dark silk dresses, as they discussed the day ahead. You felt alike a princess when they were done and had commented as much, gaining you a glass of champagne and a comment on how you looked like one too. However they soon left, claiming there was much to sort out downstairs and that they had no faith in the boys to get it sorted.

Now you were sat alone, your gaze had moved to outside your window where light snow had started falling. You stood and moved the open window, perching on the ledge, smiling when a robin landed next to you, flying to rest in your palm, it’s ruby coloured breast not making you flinch. You still had nightmares as you were still part god and probably always would have the dreams you had grown used to; however you were making progress.

“If you’re planning on running away that ledge is too high,” You smiled as you heard his voice, turning to see your beautiful mate smiling at you.

“Maybe Cassian can come and fly me out,” you challenged,

“Ha, ha.” He deadpanned and you giggled, standing to wrap yourself in his arms,

“In my world it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the service,” you whispered into his chest,

“This technically isn’t a wedding,”

“That’s a fair point,” you muttered, and he smiled down at you,

“It would be a shame to deprive me of this sight, you look beautiful princess,” he spun you out of his arms and you giggled, making his heart swell with love.

“It would, wouldn’t it?”

“C’mon, we should go soon, Cassian’s already crying,” you laughed and grabbed his hand as he pulled you along and down the stairs. You gasped when you reached the bottom, there were flowers everywhere, the whole room transformed into a fairy wonderland that made you feel giddy. You smiled when you saw that Cassian was in fact, already tearing up as he stood to greet you, complementing you and thanking you for making his brother so happy, you had laughed and shoved him away in your emotional state, not wanting to cry so early, as you moved to the sink in the room that was spraying a fine mist of water, creating a rainbow.

“Oh Iris, Goddess of the Rainbow, show me Nico Di Angelo, Camp half blood.” You threw in a golden drachma, the image wavered before revealing your friends and family on the other side, waving, and sending greetings. The inner circle came over and you all conversed for a while before Azriel was rather impatiently tugging on your hand and you moved onto the ceremony, with just your found families present. Having been raised mortal you insisted on exchanging rings, and Azriel was completely happy to oblige, obsessed with the feeling of pushing the ring onto your finger and kissing you, having someone that was wholly his, and who he was completely devoted to.

The rest of the day was spent curled under Azriel’s arm, sipping cocktails, and laughing as you were told all the most embarrassing things the inner circle could dig up. You ate delicious food and laughed with your friends, you heart aching at how naturally this happiness came to you now as you gazed at the man you loved.

You stood outside, breathing in the fresh air, and enjoying the slight chill that came through the thin shawl you had wrapped around you shoulders. Soon you felt a familiar hand press into your hip, pulling you into his side tightly. You looked up at him, still in wonder of how you landed such a beautiful man.

He caught your gaze, brushing a snowflake of your cheek and grabbing your hand, pressing a light kiss into the palm. “Penny for your thoughts?” He asked, gaze so full of love that tears welled up in your eyes.

“I’m just so glad you got stabbed,” you muttered, and he laughed before you continued, “I’m serious, I don’t know where I’d be if we hadn’t met, but you are everything to me and I’m so glad we pushed through, I’m so glad we fought to be together.”

“I love you.” He whispered into your hair as he pulled you in tightly, his scarred hands moving over your scarred back as you sighed, content.

“I love you.” You replied, pulling away and watching as a red admiral butterfly landed on a nearby poppy.

[staggeringsmite]

HELLO! just finished properly listening to your (amazing!) corruption arc playlist! I have many thoughts, and so I wanted to ask you about specific moments and/or characters that you associate with songs (as mentioned in your tags), as I am simply SO intrigued. (did you have certain songs that were added for certain character(s)? were any songs for specific what if's? etc.) also, please consider this a free pass to ramble about anything related to the playlist that you wish. it is SO excellent!!

AHHHH!! thank you jade (both for the compliment and the free space to yell about my thoughts here because when i get playlist brainrot i get it Bad <3) // the playlist in question

i think i'm genuinely going to do a song-by-song thoughts below the cut, but here are some overview thoughts/associations if you don't wanna read all of that or don't have the time!

overall this started with athena by nova twins! i thought the sp*der imagery and overall vibe was great for a more sinister look at the wacky (mostly) chaotic neutral party as they are, just going full lolth. i wanted the pacing to be semi-slow and then drop into the more rock-heavy reckless villain-y section before moving into a (?) bittersweet? i guess? end that feels a bit more like a question mark of if it was worth it.

i think this party is full of extremely interesting motivations to side with an evil power for their own gain/the benefit of the people they care about, and each one of them has a very complex relationship with that so things spun wildly out of control as a thought about this.

for songs i associate with specific characters here's an overview, but you'll notice there aren't a lot for fy'ra rai or orym which i get into a bit more in the song-by-song:

all: i come with knives, into the spin, steady/steady, control, bad dreams / lolth: million years, athena, diggers / dariax: diggers, plenty, hollow / dorian: athena, grenadine, dangerous / fearne: plenty, you should see me in a crown, black wave / fy'ra rai: home / opal: home, grenadine, black wave, you should see me in a crown / orym: i'm not calling you a liar, dangerous

song-by-song >:)

1. i come with knives (acoustic) - this song, zoowee, so i went with the acoustic version because i think it's a nice slow but sinister start and it very much gave me the feeling of whenever you begin as a character to question taking this kind of power, that is a Source yes that you can do whatever with but is rooted in temptation and associated with evil, is there any real justification for that which is not in some part selfish. "i come with knives and agony to love you" if that isn't the chosen ones to a T in their overall reasoning for even considering a deal with lolth. and as much as that may be rooted in care, and wanting to be strong and powerful enough to protect the people they care about, it is a painful way to love when you really choose that path once and for all.

2. into the spin - this one is based on "slow climb but quick to descend" and i love the instrumentation as a part of the overall vibe, but it's about sowing the seed here. planting even a hint of consideration in accepting the power of the circlet and lolth's words is going to need time for the person to mull it over, but once it's on it is On baby.

3. million years - this is what i mean by All In Baby, and while it isn't the playlists narrative point of anyone actually accepting the power for good, it is a glimpse intended to shake things up after an 8 minute slow start with the first two songs, and this is all about lolth who is a Chaotic Evil entity, who is a reckless and hauntingly destructive force <3

4. home - "everything you made will end up broken" i think this song to fy'ra rai is more of an omen, of everything that she cannot fix but wants to, knowing that she cannot make choices for the group and seeing the potential path they could wind up on and knowing that fundamentally if they go that way it is their decision no matter how much it will hurt her - for opal there is SOMETHING about the tone of this song that feels very much like her, and the complete lack of care it seems to have to rattle off mundane things to the intimate drama of the place, to omens, to demands/declarations i think it shows her personality well and how that pairs with a chaotic neutral entity being offered something like the power of the circlet

5. steady, steady - idk if this is necessarily everyone but the mix of you know when you're ready and i am ready to be the one, this is the song about taking the leap and grabbing for power and/or fy'ra rai and orym's feelings of diving in with them or resisting/leaving them

6. diggers - for lolth this is just the consistent "i've been waiting for you" in the bg which i found fun and disconcering but also i think this is the perfect party and perfect storm for her to convince someone to use the circlets power >:) - for dariax! it seems with what we know he doesn't really know that he is a divine soul sorcerer? unless that is a show he is putting up. still, i feel like him carrying the circlet is Very interesting as someone with a divine bloodline who is in a way being given/chosen for that type of power holding onto this artifact born from evil and perhaps being tempted by it & i think this song works as an interesting back and forth for him with the strange double-entity grab for him in a way

7. athena - truly just a banger that fit the vibes wayyyy too well and started this whole thing, it's loud and reckless and out for blood babey <3 - i think i associate it with dorian mostly because i also associate it with lolth and he is the closest to really taking that leap in canon (and also probably the first one the go if we're following this playlist like a story with everyone/most everyone going corrupt, though it can be read truly infinite ways these are just compiled songs) i think it has a certain flair and appeal that just makes me Feel like it's the song that would play the second dorian puts the circlet on (which! fun fact! decreases your charisma by 2! have fun beloved bard!) - i think it's a very intense conversation

8. i’m not calling you a liar - okayokayokay it's orym thought time bc there are sooo many worlds and routes for orym here and i truly have no idea where he would even end up in this hypothetical. do i think that orym loves these guys and wants to protect them? yes. do i think that he may genuinely take the pain of loving them and keep his morals by walking away and/or turning on them if they all go evil? maybe. do i think he also might love them enough to throw that away? maybe. in a party of all chaotic neutrals besides him without fy'ra rai he is surprisingly the wild card here. while they have each other and no one else, he has the teachings and wisdom of the voice of the tempest and a moral compass that does not align with theirs at all. so, something has to give! dorian's slide into chaotic neutral was natural, but i think orym would be giving up Much More of himself to let himself slide from neutral good to chaotic neutral. i have no answers only sad, sad hypotehtical questions and scenarios so i will just, leave you with "and i love you so much, i'm gonna let you kill me." - this song also comes here before the storm of the 3-5 because whatever way he goes i think orym sees it all happen before anyone else does.

9. grenadine - Do Not Tell Me You Couldn't Hear villainous opal and dorian say the lines "what a big heart i have, i'll be your savior now. what a real catch i am, all the more to pull you down." - i see this song as playful but more genuine for dorian in terms of Truly Really believing any action he does to protect his friends is justified and good to him in his eyes whereas this is a very playful song for a villainous opal - they both give off this vibe strongly though (could see this one for fearne as well but don't have a good a justification)

10. black wave - helloooooo my favorite druid and warlock?? going apeshit with power? more so than they already are on a day-to-day basis (esp given episode 6 combat)? that's what this song is about. "stumbling down the street i swear to god you don't wanna test me" - i also think they both have an interesting question with "what do i believe?" with fearne being of the feywild which is a place of considerably different moral standing to exandria and opal being so young that she doesn't have the world figured out at all <3 terrifying and upsetting when you get into those questions on a corruption arc <3

11. you should see me in a crown - okay i knooooow this one is on the dorian playlist BUT vibes for my brutal babes <333 something about opal’s whole personality and fearne confronting the mirror self But eventually choosing/heading down the path anyway?? impeccable i love it there’s very few other thoughts here

12. control - OKAY not only does this song Fuck but i put it as party wide because i think it transitions nicely into the end of the mix which is more of the “questioning this decision after going all in but not being able to turn back/was it all worth it in the end?” part - i mostly love the “though i like the idea of providence... i’m in love with control” repeated because! i think the circlet is very interesting in that it has been iterated many times over that though it has connections to lolth and she has some claim/twisted abilities with it, it IS just a power source. so, the idea of going all in and accepting this power is an incredibly interesting dilemma of “who’s in charge here? did you really put it on/would you have without these dreams and lolth’s influence? are you really in control?” i think this song really represents that admission/delusion of control in this situation.

13. plenty - okay this song in any context is just my Feywild/Faerie Vibe song so i think this trails back to my feelings about fearne leaning into that different set of fey morals along a corruption arc, and as for dariax i think this is about abundance! following through that mixture of divine power source and chaotic evil god origin over dariax and his chaotic history of vast and varied experiences in emon, i think this very much befits a corrupt version of him.

14. dangerous - this song makes me insane, and the first reason i put it on the mix was the “the dead are true believers. rest assured. we are all believers” really just made me think of a terrible and cinematic moment of them discovering the circlet with the dead aboard the ship ESP in the context of this playlist’s narrative where that was the point they were destined to claim its power and go through their corruption arc - “how does it feel to be your own deceiver?” is the main reason and feeling as for why i made this a dorian song as well in line with “don’t worry i would do anything for my friends.” bc i personally find dorian’s corruption arc to be disillusioned with his own intentions and takes a lot of convincing himself that taking this power for his friends is noble in the scope of this group’s collective morals and self-interest in keeping each other safe and prosperous so <3

15. hollow - woowee dariax corruption, at least in this scope, i think is very frightening to me in that i think he’s going full maximalist, abundant, greedy, impulsive chaotic evil if we’re realllly leaning into a villain arc but still many of those things if we’re just going “this group is the only thing that matters and i’ll do anything for them no matter the cost” - i also think this song has a tone of resentment towards this? apprehension a bit? recognizing that this is how the person singing is but not entirely enjoying or feeling justified in it? as impulsive as dariax is, i think he cares A Lot, and is even a character i could see pulling a reverse dorian and going chaotic good in a different story than we’re in? “so simple when i was younger” and “i’d be a dancer of a different tune” really give me angsty dariax vibes in the height of his corruption arc

16. bad dreams - “don't you worry about your bad dreams cause I'm not in them. don't you worry about what change brings cause you can't stop it.” WOOF i don’t know that this one really needs to be explained but it’s the climax and the descent all in one of the party/corrupted individual being too far gone in their decision to step back or be saved. i think the tone of the song lends itself well to a mixture of uncaring but also giving some question to if they regret it or not based on the narration of the crowd against them.

[elencelebrindal]

Honest Opinion - Andromeda Shun (Hades)

I’ll never be tired of pointing out how beautiful he is. Never. Let’s go! Stay tuned for the second entry about him. 

Overall score (character, not looks): 10/10 with praise

Hades Chapter: Sanctuary

Overall score: 9,5/10

Once again, the only reason he doesn’t get a full score lies in the decision of disregarding Athena’s orders. But, instead of giving him a 9/10 like Shiryu and Hyoga (yeah, I’m not counting Seiya in, what a surprise), he gets a slightly higher score.  Why, you might ask? Well, because (at least following what I’ve always thought about Shun) I am kind of convinced he was driven there by Hades. Not directly, mind you, but Shun needed to go in the Underworld, and he might have been forced by some external (well, technically internal, but you get my reasoning) forces on top of his own free will.  So, even though I think he decided to reach the Sanctuary on his own volition, he was aided in this decision by the soul of the deity inside of him.  This is more of a “in dept character analysis”, but it fits here so... yeah.

The whole Sanctuary chapter doesn’t have a lot going on for him that’s different from what I wrote in the previous entries for Shiryu and Hyoga, so I’m not going to talk about that again. Just be assured I am still disappointed in him for trying to stop the two Athena Exclamations. Though, I have to say, Shun didn’t get a lot of attention during this first part. Every other Bronze Saint got to have his emotional moment with one of the resurrected Golds (Seiya with Saga, Shiryu with Shura, and of course Hyoga with Camus), but Shun... eh, to me it seemed like Shun was someone that didn’t belong there. 

I didn’t enjoy that, if was like... I don’t know, he felt like an intruder. Which, admittedly, if you look at things while knowing he’s going to be different later on, makes kind of sense for him to be put aside. But if you watch this show for the first time, with no knowledge about what is going to happen, it just feels like they forgot Shun was there as well. Even the final scene with the resurrected Saints, with Shun giving his last goodbye to Saga, it felt more like the show was trying to fix the problem of him being left out.  The character is good, but this first part did him dirty. Just like the last chapter, but let’s go in order.

Hades Chapter: Inferno (Hades Shun in another entry)

Overall score: 10/10

Can we just appreciate how mature Shun was in this part? Especially considering he was paired with Seiya, a damn irresponsible child. Shun was so good, I literally have no complaints about him. None. Zero. Niente. Nada. 

His maturity stood out against Seiya’s childish behavior as soon as they entered the Underworld. Shun approached Charon with a calm attitude, he showed him the necklace without making a big deal out of the Specter looking for payment (seriously, the fact Shun knew very well who Charon was and what he wanted, and Seiya knew nothing despite having trained in Greece was upsetting).  Not only that, his reaction to Charon pushing Seiya overboard was not a panicked one. He reacted quickly and saved his companion, while at the same time taking an eye out for Charon.  I will say that Shun fell too easily for the Specter’s promises, but it’s not enough of a fault for me to take off points. Shun doesn’t act like that because he’s dumb, but because he’s kind and wants to believe in other people. I cannot fault him for being gentle, and I won’t. 

One of the parts I’ve enjoyed the most was the scene of the Hall of Judgment. Shun acted with respect, and didn’t try to anger Lune (we all know who started making a fool out of himself there).  The whole segment of him accepting his fate is kind of debatable, because Kanon intervened with his illusions, but I think it’s safe to say Shun would have acted like that regardless of the circumstances. Understanding the human nature on such a deep level is something Shun would be able to do, especially because he’s not focused on fighting and being violent in general, but on trying to find something good in everyone. That scene, whether or not it really happened, was not only emotional but absolutely spot on for a character like him. 

From here he didn’t do as much, since Orphée showed up and got rid of a very Egyptian problem in place of him and Seiya, but I do want to mention how brave and determined he was. You know why? Because I don’t like people degrading Shun by calling him weak and/or useless. I don’t think a weak person would charge at a three headed dog (that didn’t look like a dog but whatever) like that. 

I loved, as always, how much he understood Orphée’s struggle and motives; he didn’t judge him for choosing the Underworld, and that’s just beautiful.

And can we recognize how much he cares for his companions? He got wounded by Pandora’s trident as to protect Seiya, dammit. This show never stops throwing a self-sacrificing Shun in my face, and I’m out of tears.  Speaking of self-sacrificing... would you have the balls of letting the king of the underworld possess you, only to give the entire planet a chance? Shun literally gave Hades his body, almost lost his soul, just so he could make an opportunity for Ikki to kill him. He was ready to die by the hand of his own brother to fulfill his role as a Saint of Athena. 

But did he try some other self-sacrificing move after failing that? No. After being freed (that word is so weird, I never know if I’m using it correctly) from Hades, he didn’t try a fruitless attempt to break down the Wailing Wall.  He understood nothing could be done about it by him, and tried to stop Seiya from killing himself in the process of trying said fruitless attempt. As much as Shun is ready to die, he’s only willing to give up his life if he knows it’s going to do something.  I very much appreciate that.

To end this chapter, I present to you a little bit of insight mixed with my opinion. I don’t know how much determination and bravery Shun has in him, but it’s sure way more that the entire fandom believes.  This young man here got possessed by a deity. By Hades, someone who not only is able to crush the soul of other beings, but is the complete opposite of Shun in terms of personality and actions.  That had to leave a mark, and the lone fact Shun kept going and kept fighting instead of giving up and suffering from the consequences of that possession... I think it says a lot about him. 

Hades Chapter: Elysion

Overall score: 10/10 and this is purely out of spite

I am so mad at how they handled Shun’s character in this chapter. As if nothing happened before Elysion, and he’s just some excludable character with no importance whatsoever.  The show kind of forgot Shun was the one that got possessed by Hades, I think. He deserved so much more, so much better, than to end up losing against Hypnos that quickly. 

He was the one that should have faced Hades. Not Seiya, not Ikki, but him. Shun was the one who suffered because of him, the one who willingly gave up his life in order to save the world. I don’t care Seiya is the protagonist, and Ikki was ready to punch Hades in the dick for what he did to his brother: Shun was the one who deserved to face Hades.  I still wouldn’t have approved of him fighting a deity like him straight-on, but it’s only fair.

Instead, even when Shun joined the fight, nothing was mentioned. It was like... I don’t know, the entire possession never happened, and Shun was just another Saint to throw into the fray.  At least Hades should have said something, anything, but nope, let’s forget the whole issue entirely and give Seiya the undeserved spotlight.  Seriously.  I’m mad. 

He get’s a 10/10 here just because he deserves it, I don’t care. 

[scarpool-gmk]

3

Title: Godly Marine: Killed Author: Scarpool Fandom(s): NCIS, Percy Jackson & the Olympians Pairing(s): Gen Rating: PG/K+ Summary: Chapter 3 (4/13) — Staff Sergeant Michael Kahale, Marine Corps Mechanic and Son of Athena, was murdered. Annabeth Chase is determined to find out who did it and why. She, along with Percy Jackson, Grover Underwood, and Clarisse La Rue, infiltrate NCIS where they team up with NCIS Agents Leroy Gibbs, Anthony DiNozzo, Timothy McGee, and Ziva David. Complete Genre: Fanfiction, Mystery, Drama, Humour, General, Action Warnings:  N/A

Techno music blasted Annabeth's eardrums as she walked into the forensic lab.

'What do you got, Abbs?" Gibbs asked, his calm voice cutting through the music. He pressed a button on a remote a couple times, and Annabeth felt relief as the volume went down.

"Gibbs! You're finally here! So, I've heard, and you have to tell me all about the new-oh…" The bouncy forensic scientist suddenly became quiet when she saw Annabeth. "Hi," she said tersely.

Annabeth smiled, uncertain. What was up with this lady? "Hi," she responded a bit awkwardly. After a brief hesitation, she stuck her hand out and said, "I'm Anne." At the same time, the gothic scientist did the same with a simple, "Abby."

Annabeth forced a chuckle out and shook the woman's hand. "It's good to meet you, Abby."

"Yeah…hmmm…" Abby muttered, narrowing her eyes and exaggeratedly scrutinizing Annabeth's face.

"So," Annabeth said, eager to move on. "What do you have for us, Abby?"

That seemed to snap the lab rat out of it, but now she looked offended and turned her stare to Gibbs.

Gibbs, for his part, looked unconcerned and unbothered, if anything, just a bit amused. "Whatcha' got Abbs?"

Abby immediately sprang into action. "Okay. First, let me show you the slug that Ducky got me."

Annabeth did not miss the smug look on Gibbs' face.

Abby held up a case with a used bullet in it. "The bullet used was nothing special. I haven't found a match for the striations on our database, but I'm not done going through it, yet."

An enlarged and detailed picture of the slug popped up on the big screen along with some other specs. Annabeth focused in on the slug. That was the thing that killed her brother.

"So, we're looking for someone that owns a gun capable of firing a nine millimeter?"

"Yeah," Abby said, "But that is one of the most common bullet sizes, and I'll need to test the gun to match it. That is, once I start reconstructing it. For a common bullet such as this FMJ, I'll need to get every striation and marking down right."

"Okay," Gibbs responded, "What else you got? What was on the phone?"

"I haven't gotten to it yet, but it did help me with the model that I made." Abby brought up a program on her computer and displayed it on the big screen. There was a green digital man in an outline of a car. "Okay, so your Staff Sergeant was driving, and he was definitely on his phone." The green man on the screen dictated his actions along with Abby's words. "Then the car that was chasing him slides up next to him as we can tell from the skid marks from the crime scene." A blue man in his own car outlines shows up on the screen. "Now, get this. It's the driver that shoots him."

"The driver?" Gibbs confirmed, turning around to face Abby.

"Yeah," Abby said, "At that close of a distance between the two cars, if the shooter was in the passenger seat, there would be gun residue on the car. And using the specs, I was able to find the trajectory of the bullet."

There was a cartoonish bang, and a red line from the blue man's gun makes its way to the green man's head.

"Although this little guy didn't go all the way through the Sergeants head," Abby continued, "It went close enough to the other side that his phone, in all the commotion, hit him where the bullet was passing, and I got that from the traces of the metal of the slug on his cell."

"We need to know who he was calling," Gibbs said.

"I know," Abby said, "And it should be super simple, but I just need to wait until the charger comes in. His phone is, like, as old and standard as yours, Gibbs."

"You haven't been able to get a hold of his call records?" Gibbs asked.

"Ask McGee," Abby answered, "I tried getting through, but the service providers are being weird. McGee was working on getting it."

"It could be a burn phone," Annabeth suggested.

"If it is, it's definitely an annoying one," Abby huffed, "But what would the Staff Sergeant need a burner phone for?"

Gibbs shrugged and handed her the red, caffeinated drink that Annabeth just discovered a couple minutes ago. "Let's find out," he turned to leave, "Thanks, Abbs."

"Wait!" Abby exclaimed, "I'm not done."

Gibbs swiveled around. "What else you got?"

Abby smirked. "I can't believe you didn't notice."

"Notice what?" Gibbs asked.

Abby motioned to her table where a bunch of evidence laid about in bags. Annabeth's eyes widened. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed. It was just lying there!

"What am I looking at?" Gibbs asked.

"Oh, this is good. I don't know what kind of voodoo it is laced with, but it took me a while of hard concentration after, like, two hours of pure Abby-gut feeling to actually figure it out."

"Abby," Gibbs said, impatiently.

"I'm telling you, Gibbs," Abby said, "Just look and find what you missed."

If Annabeth had been paying attention, she would have been amused by the small sigh of defeat Gibbs gave. But she was distracted. Her vision was locked on the weapon that she should have known would be on Michael's person. Searching him and the car for anything like this should have been a top priority. How stupid of her! Now she couldn't take it away without bringing any more suspicion on her or her team.

She was brought out of her mental scolding when her eyes met with the cold blue stare from Gibbs. She immediately looked away, but the damage was done. Gibbs had found what had captivated Annabeth's attention and picked up an evidence bag.

"That's one nice looking dagger," he said.

"Yeah," Abby said, hyped up, "It's like a relic, Gibbs. This thing should be in a museum. Not only that, but check out the specs of this thing."

Annabeth almost broke her neck to look at Abby, her mind running on double time. Specs? Did Abby test the dagger?! This was not good. Not that Annabeth wasn't curious, but she would rather not find out what Celestial Bronze was made out of from a group of mortals that would be best kept ignorant about the divine world.

"Gibbs, I'm pretty sure I just found orichalcum."

"Ori-what?"

"Orichalcum," Abby's smile couldn't have gotten any wider. "Gibbs, this is famous amongst historians and mythological enthusiasts. It's linked with ancient civilizations like the Romans, Greeks, and Atlanteans. Oh, I have always known Atlantis is real!"

As Abby drifted off, her mind taking her to another place, Gibbs and Annabeth both leaned in to get a look at the compositions which made up the Celestial Bronze dagger.

"Very high in copper," Gibbs said, "and also extremely high in…" He balked and turned back to look at the dagger again. "Is that gold?"

Abby snapped back to reality. "Yeah, it is. Orichalcum was labeled as a metal by these old civilizations, but it's really an alloy. Now, gold and copper are great and all, but what is this?"

Annabeth leaned in to read what Abby was referring to. "Thirty-three-point three percent of an… unidentified material?" Annabeth's mind was conflicted as she read aloud. On one hand, mortals weren't supposed to know about Celestial Bronze; it's why the mist obscured it to mortals, which was probably the reason that Abby and Gibbs had trouble with it. But on the other, this was so cool! The fact that Celestial Bronze was like a mix of bronze, having mostly copper with hints of lead, and of what historians label as orichalcum, mostly gold with silver and more copper, was extremely exciting. But this third, mysterious element was incredibly intriguing. Once this whole quest was over, she would have to figure out what divine element was mixed up in all this.

"Unidentified Material?" Gibbs repeated.

"Yup," Abby said, "And with that high of a percent rating, there is no doubt- that element has never been discovered before. Gibbs, I would kill to figure out what that material is, and I'm just saying that as an expression."

"You think he was killed for the dagger?" Annabeth asked, incredulous.

"Maybe not for it," Gibbs said, "but it's definitely related. Is that it, Abby?"

"Yeah, that's it."

Gibbs reached over to kiss her on the cheek. "Good job, Abbs."

"Thanks, Gibbs, I'll probably be in the garage working on the car next time you want to come talk with me."

"Alright. Lima! Come on."

Annabeth rushed to leave, thanking Abby and telling her it was nice to meet her.

"It was nice to meet you, too," Abby said. Except, it sounded really forced.

Annabeth heard the music being cranked back up to its original volume as she left. Was Abby like that all the time?

Annabeth shook herself from her thoughts. She had to stay alert and act professionally. "Should we go to autopsy next?" She proposed while heading for the stairs. "Let's see what Dr. Mallard has for us."

Gibbs tilted his head in a nod. "Lead the way, Agent."

-Σαμεσ-

"What do you think they're like?" Jimmy asked his mentor.

"Well, I think they are a group of trained, professional agents- no matter how young they might be."

"You've already said that, Doctor."

"Well," Dr. Mallard said impatiently, "What do you want me to say, Mr. Palmer?"

"Well," Jimmy stopped. What a good question… The hiss of the door opening saved him. And Jimmy turned to see who was coming into autopsy.

"Ah! Jethro!" Ducky called out. Jimmy didn't like how relieved he sounded. "And Miss Lima."

"Dr. Mallard," the woman greeted, "Mr. Palmer."

Jimmy raised his hand in greeting.

"Please, it's Ducky to my associates," Dr. Mallard insisted.

"Alright then, Ducky," Agent Lima responded.

Jimmy decided to join in as well. "I'm Jimmy. I would shake your hand but, ah…" he displayed his already bloody gloves.

The doctor shot him a disapproving glance.

'Nice going, Jimmy. Way to emphasize the blood and make things uncomfortable.'

But Agent Lima wasn't. She smiled at him, completely unfazed.

"So, what can you tell us, Duck?" Gibbs said. Jimmy was glad that he didn't get another one of Gibbs's stink eyes.

"Well," Ducky said, "For one thing, this young man was a fighter."

"I already know that, Duck," Gibbs said.

"Er- I don't think you know the extent," Ducky said. He motioned for Jimmy. "Now see along his body. He has a plethora of scars and wounds. The newest wounds are, of course, the impacts of the car crash, which occurred right after the time of death, but many are very old. Look at these scars along his arms and abdomen."

Jimmy lifted the victim's arms to help indicate what the doctor was talking about.

"Many of these were made by blades, but they were not self-inflicted. Some are new, while many more are years old. A large amount was highly treated, but a few were left for the body to deal with. During my biopsy, which, mind you, I have not officially completed yet, I found many injuries that were made at least a decade ago. This young man has seen much abuse and violence during his life; I would recommend talking to his guardians to look into such domestic abuse."

"Already on it," Gibbs said, "What about those scars on his back?"

"Ah- those are also most recent. Mr. Palmer, if you would help me."

"Of course, Doctor," Jimmy said, rushing to help turn the body over.

"You know, it reminds me of a case in my time in Afghanistan."

Jimmy smiled as his mentor went on a personal story, something which Jimmy loved listening to.

"Yes, one of the soldiers had taken to walking around late in the evening. One day, he came back with scars on his back. Turns out, he met a bear and had gotten too close. Yes, it was safe to say that he would stop his late-night walks." Ducky chuckled.

Jimmy smiled as he remembered a story of his own. "Yeah, I got my back scratched one time, too." Jimmy was flashed back to living in an apartment as he was in med school. "My roommate, he got a cat without telling me. I woke up one morning to find the cat on my back, and it really did a number on me, all the scratch marks. I think I still have some scars…" Jimmy smile waned as he remembered the pain and how ill he had felt that entire week. "Yeah, he and I got into a big argument because of how allergic I was…"

Jimmy came back to the present when Dr. Mallard cleared his throat. He found Agent Gibbs looking at him, unimpressed, and Agent Lima staring at the dead Staff Sergeant. She was probably pitying the Sergeant for having his terrifying scars be compared to Jimmy's cat story.

"Yes, except those scars, feline and ursine, would be considered mere scratch marks compared to these marks," Dr. Mallard continued. "I already sent some tissue samples to Abby, but she didn't find any clues to identify the tool used."

Gibbs frowned. Jimmy could sympathize. It was definitely odd. "You mean the wound was cleaned?" Gibbs asked.

"Em, possibly" Dr. Mallard replied, "While it would be interesting to find what chemical was used to clean it, there weren't any traces of acids or any other type of chemical. Yes, strange, indeed. Once I start autopsy, we'll be able to find if traces were able to seep further in, but I doubt it."

"What can you say about any of the newer injuries?" Agent Lima inquired, "Other than the claw marks on his back, were there any newer bruises or scrapes?"

"Actually, yes," Dr. Mallard answered, "And they all point to your Staff Sergeant being in a fight. He has bruising all on his knuckles and fingers, indicating he was up close with his attackers before getting into the car."

"He was being chased," Gibbs said.

"It would seem like it," Dr. Mallard agreed, "He even has a bruise on his elbow that suggests he was able to deliver quite a blow. But that was all. I should be able to glean some more from him once I start the procedure." He patted the body. "I'm sure he has much to tell us."

"Thank you, Ducky," Agent Lima said.

"Thanks, Duck."

"My pleasure," Dr. Mallard said. "Oh, and Jethro, taking the stairs, are you?"

Jimmy perked up at that. Was that why he didn't hear the elevator ding?

"It's only a floor down from Abby," Jimmy heard Agent Lima grumble.

Jimmy shared a glance with Dr. Mallard. Was she the reason Gibbs took the stairs?

-Αντώνης-

Tony looked at the screen. McGee told him that Abby said this thing was magical, and he could kind of see it. Apparently, she complained forever how the camera just would not focus on it. He tilted his head to follow the blurry, simple, swirly pattern on the blade. "You know it reminds me of that sword from Lord of the Rings," Tony said, "What was it, Fling?" That couldn't be right.

"Sting, Tony," McGee answered.

"Ah, thank you, McHobbit," Tony said.

"Anytime."

When Abby had sent the picture to McGee, he had put it on the big screen and read aloud her notes. Underwood got really nervous and started to ramble until La Rue harshly told him to shut up. He didn't know why she had called him Goat boy. Hopefully, it would be a fun story he could ask about. He probably shouldn't ask La Rue about it, though. Tony turned his head completely sideways. He had to agree with La Rue about one thing. This was a nice dagger.

"Looking for a new angle, DiNozzo?"

Tony immediately straightened. "Always, Boss."

"Well, what did you get from it?"

"Fingerprints, Boss," Tony said, "Abby called, telling us that the only fingerprints that were on the dagger were from Staff Sergeant Kahale."

"It was his dagger."

Tony cringed. Getting a sarcastic response from Gibbs is never a good thing. He motioned for McGee to hit the clicker.

"We went to the car renter, Boss. He was your typical car salesman, greedy, has a legal document in place for everything. He confirmed that Staff Sergeant Kahale was the one to rent the car. He also gave him a discount that he has for military personnel."

"Receipt says he paid in cash," La Rue inputted.

"Actually," McGee chimed in, "He was a cash user. He did have a bank account, but all of the transactions were deposits of his paycheck and cash withdrawals."

"He did keep some too. Some receipts from a bar were found on him," Underwood said. He walked up to McGee and pointed to the clicker. "Can I?"

Tony watched in shock as McGee handed it to him.

"Thanks. All came from a place called The Drowsy Owl. Started and owned by a Mr. Reshaun Sachs. One of those receipts places him grabbing a bite last night." A copy of the receipt showed on the screen and zoomed in, highlighting the time. "It was just a couple hours before the time of the crash."

"I called his C.O.," McGee said, grabbing the clicker back, "He said that Michael was not living on the ship while they were docked and had no idea where he was staying."

"But…" Gibbs encouraged.

"But there was a key with an ID code on him." McGee clicked, and a homepage website for an apartment complex came up on the plasma. "Grover called the landlord."

'Grover!?' Tony shot a bewildered glance at Ziva. She just smirked at him. Cheeky woman. What does she know?

"She told us that he paid in cash," McGee continued, "No surprises there. He had been there a couple of days and had told her he was planning on staying for about a week."

"She also said that he would leave early in the morning and come back really late at night, one time as late as two in the morning," Underwood-or "Grover"- said.

"Or as early as two in the morning," McGee joked.

"Eyyy!" Underwood laughed. He and McGee shared a high-five.

Something inside Tony broke. It was probably his heart for jokes.

Nobody was impressed. In fact, they all seemed offended that such a bad joke was uttered, but that didn't seem to bother the McGeek duo. The Undernerds.

"Agent David and Percy said that Mrs. Kahale told them that they did submit a missing persons report," Underwood said. McGee handed the clicker back over to him. "And it took a while, but Tim was able to find it."

'Tim!?'

"It was a collective effort," McGee corrected.

The form popped up on the screen.

"Looks completely filled out to me," Jackson observed, "Why didn't we find it originally?"

"Because they did not complete the entire process," McGee replied.

Underwood made the plasma screen zoom in on a particular part of the form. "See this information?"

"Name: Michael Kahale," Ziva read aloud, "Date of Birth: 03/15/88; Height: 4'5"; Weight: …"

"It's all old information," Gibbs said.

"Right," Underwood said, "It was never updated."

"They also never contacted the Center for Missing Kids, contacted Inspector General, or did anything else, Boss," McGee said. "They just filled out the form and never touched it again."

"Interesting," Ziva said, "They are lawyers. Shouldn't they, out of all people, know how to do this?"

"Well, Mrs. Kahale wasn't very fond of her stepson," Jackson mused.

Was he suggesting that the step-mother had something to do with it? Tony smiled. Yes! But Ziva was not having it.

"No, Tony. I don't think the wife was involved in any such way."

"You have to think outside the box, Ziva," Tony insisted.

"Oh, no. That idea is very much in the box- your box. Anyway," Ziva said, getting back on topic, "I called Mr. Kahale, and he sounded much more emotionally hurt and is eager to help us in any way."

"Well," Agent Lima said, "It is something to check up on in any case." She frowned. "Wait, Michael paid over seven hundred for the rental, then he is eating out every day, and he is also renting out an apartment. He did this all in cash? Where did he get all this money? Can you bring up the money transactions?"

"Sure," Grover said, pulling the list up.

The senior agent of the Long Island team looked at the list. "It doesn't make sense." She said all of a sudden. "From the amount that he took out, he could not make all those payments."

Woah, did she read all those numbers and figure it all out that fast?

McGee took a longer look at the numbers. "You're right!"

"So, how was he able to pay?" Jackson asked.

"Fake money?" Tony suggested.

Clarisse scowled, "That's disgraceful."

"If it is, then we have to check the cash that was used," Gibbs said. "DiNozzo head back to the car dealer. Take Ziva with you."

Tony held in a groan. Another road-trip. "On it, Boss."

"Percy and I will pick up Mr. Kahale and check up on the missing person case," Agent Lima said. "Clarisse and Grover will go to the bar."

Tony heard Underwood gulp. "We will?"

La Rue cracked her knuckles. "Got a problem, Goat boy?"

"N-no! Not at all."

Tony sympathized. Poor dude. La Rue was brutal.

Gibbs went around his desk to grab his gear. He slammed the drawer of his desk shut. "McGee, take us to the apartment."

Tony smirked as McClumsy scrambled to grab his gear. Looks like the teams weren't being paired up this time. Nice.

Tony, Ziva, and Gibbs all piled into the elevator and waited for McGee to catch up. The Long Islanders all opted to take the stairs.

McGee ran into the elevator in a mess and out of breath. "Sorry, Boss. I wasn't entirely prepared."

Gibbs nodded. The elevator doors closed. It wasn't long until Gibbs flipped the power.

'Finally.'

McGee flipped his laptop open, balancing it on his arms. He brought up the files of each agent.

"Agent Anne Lima, twenty-three, graduated top of her class from the University of California. She worked under law enforcement and was quickly promoted. She then moved to New York, where she became affiliated with NCIS. Again, she was quickly promoted as the base there is small, and they had an influx of agents join.

"Next up is Agent Percy Jackson. He is also twenty-three. He graduated from the University of Albany. Apparently, Agent Lima handpicked him to be a part of her team. She said that she saw great potential in him and that he had valuable skills to add to her team."

Ziva scoffed lightly, "Well, he did not add much when we went to visit Mrs. Kahale. He did not help me question or console her, which, in truth, she did not need any consoling." Ziva's expression lightened, "However, he did mention seeing a dagger by the front door."

"A dagger? Like the one we found with Michael Kahale?" McGee asked.

Ziva, for the first time ever, looked sincerely embarrassed. "I do not know. I did not see it. If it was there, then it evaded my attention quite successfully."

"Wow," Tony teased, "Guess those Mossad skills are getting rusty."

"It's because I hang around you so much, Tony. I do learn from others, you know. Maybe, I should stop."

'Ouch,' Tony quipped to himself, once again praising Ziva wittiness. But no way would he, Anthony Dinozzo Jr., be outdone by a probie. "Oh? So, you do look up to me then. But just to let you know, my skills can't be acquired by such simple means."

"Really?" Ziva sarcastically asked, nodding in a mocking show of attention.

"Yeah," Tony said, matter-of-factly, "It's a family trade, and- Ng!"

Tony sheepishly looked at his boss, who still had his hand up from giving a brand-spanking-new Gibsslap. "Sorry, Boss."

Gibbs then turned to give a scolding look at Ziva. "How come she doesn't get Gibsslapped?" Tony grumped to himself.

Ziva put her hands up in surrender. "I am sorry," she said, "I will stop encouraging him."

Gibbs gave her a slap on the head. Ziva made a face. "Starting now," she added.

Feeling immensely better at the judgment that just played out, Tony let a smile split his face and let Ziva be graced by its presence. He saw her eye twitch in annoyance, but otherwise, she didn't react.

Gibbs nodded to McGee.

"Next is Agent Clarisse La Rue. She is twenty-eight and from Arizona. She spent a year at a community college there before finishing up her degree at American University. She then moved north, becoming a cop. She eventually ended up applying for NCIS and getting the spot there. She specializes in all sorts of combat styles and weapons."

"Yes, she is just a wonderful person," Tony said. "I couldn't get anything out of her, Boss. She is one tough cookie."

"And then we have Agent Grover Underwood."

"Why don't you just call him Grover, McFriendly?" Tony asked.

"He is a really nice guy once you get to know him, Tony."

"Really?" Tony quirked his eyebrow, "You are on first-name basis, and you showed him the ways of the clicker."

"It's not that hard, Tony," McGee droned out, "All it takes is a little practice."

"That thing is sentient, and you know it. You need to gain its trust or be able to evilly manipulate it," Tony maintained.

McGee just sighed and continued on. "He is twenty-six, Alumni of University of Albany just like Jackson, and has been in NCIS the longest. However, he was not doing so well. He kept failing many assignments. This changed when he joined Lima's squad. He was actually promoted to being a senior agent under her group."

"Wait," Tony interrupted, "He's not the probie? He is actually the veteran NCIS agent of the group?"

"Yeah," McGee responded, "Agent Jackson is actually the probie."

"Wow," Tony muttered, "That is something."

"Yes, in fact, Grover was the mentor to Agent Lima and Agent Jackson, before Agent Lima ultimately surpassed him."

"Jackson did say that he and Underwood went to the same school," Ziva said.

"What else did you get from him?" Gibbs asked

"Nothing, I'm afraid," Ziva said, "He made a connection about his mother, and that was the main topic. He and I recounted stories about our mothers. Her name is Sally Jackson. She is an aspiring novelist. Percy's favorite color is blue, and so his mother tried to make as much of his food blue when he was young. Apparently, she makes delicious blue chocolate cookies even now."

"Wow," Tony said, "Blue food…" He tried imagining it. "You know blue cookies look kind of appetizing. I don't think I would try blue pizza, though."

Gibbs had switched the power back on while Tony was speaking. As they all got off and went to their respective cars, Tony heard Gibbs ask McGee, "So, what's this about the service provider?"

Tony did not envy McGee's position of being privately questioned by Gibbs. He looked at Ziva. Hopefully, their car ride would be much better.

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[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 13x06

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Yee-haw! So, did we get the promised Brokebacknatural? Cowboys? Check. Super gay? Double check.

Once again we got an episode, and I know I keep repeating myself here, that left no room for subtext. Everything was spelled out in neon letters. Which is weird, from a meta perspective. We are so used to look out for the subtext, and codes and hidden messages, and again it feels like the subtext just became plain text. And again, I don’t feel like this makes the episode better or worse, just different, and of course it leads to the overall question: WHY? And to me it feels like, or at least makes sense, like we are heading to the finish line here. I’m not saying the current season is the last, but maybe the next one. From a writer’s point it would make sense then to address themes that have been part of the subtext for a long time, and the only way to resolve them is to put them in the actual text of the show. (And yes, before you ask: Destiel. All the Destiel.)

Overall I liked the episode a lot. The actual case was kinda… there, they could have made more with it, I dunno. But I loved the Western theme and of course it was a big character episode. I think this week the focus was on Jack, and his relationship with Cas. We had a lot of great Dean moments as well, which brought the episode a light and fun atmosphere, and worked especially in contrast to last weeks episode, to make a big statement what or rather who made Dean so happy. The characters and their relationships were the selling point of the episode.

Let’s have a closer look.

Jack vs Evil Dead

There was a lot of Jack in the episode, and in the beginning he seemed to be in a relative happy place. He is obviously still trying to find out who he is, but it seems like hunting gave him some purpose, at least for a moment. We learned in 13x04 that he still thinks in terms of “good” and “bad” and that, through the influence of Sam and Dean, hunters are to him the good guys. They kill monsters and help the innocent.

Jack trying to be a hunter was of course meant to remind us of all the times Cas tried to act like a hunter. They both even use the same approach by watching what Sam and Dean do and try to copy it. Though I have to admit, with all my love for Cas, I think Jack has got the hang of it a bit faster. He found them a case, he found footage of zombie!Dave and identified him as Athena’s boyfriend. Top of his class, indeed.

I loved the relationship/interactions between Cas and Jack. I always like it when they add new characters to the team, to see new dynamics, not just Cas and Jack, but of course also the birth of team free will 2.0. Cas and Jack do balance out Sam and Dean in a way; they are both not human and outsiders of their own. And similar to last season where Cas could teach Mary about her sons now we have him teaching Jack how to handle a Winchester properly.

I’m not sure the show is ever going to address the “Did Jack brainwash Kelly and Cas?”-issue more than they did now. Jack confirms that he trusted Cas because his mother trusted him, that Cas made him feel safe and the fact that Cas is surprised Jack remembered that implies they talked about the events in 12x19. I have a feeling Dean won’t bring up the issue again – whatever Jack did with bringing back Cas he is forgiven. I’m not sure of either Cas or Jack were aware of the brainwashing. Every episode so far has shown us that until lately Jack had no control over his powers. Choosing Cas as his protector probably did happen unconscious, based on the feelings of his mother, who had become one with him at some point (probably when he resurrected her).

Cas supports Jack and believes in him, and I think he fulfils a role here neither Sam and Dean could. He is the one Jack chose as his father, as his mentor, he is the one who was supposed to be there for him. I don’t believe Jack still controls Cas in some ways, but rather that the affection is genuine. Cas repeats what Kelly told her son – that he is meant to do great things and that he has the power to make the world a better place. This very thing though puts a lot of responsibility on Jack. It is clear that he wants to do good, that he wants to prove to others and himself that he is not a monster, but it backfires horrible. It is clear that killing the security guard was a horrible accident, and Cas, Sam and Dean reassure him that in their line of work things like that keep on happening, but that it doesn’t mean he is bad, or that he should stop trying to do better. Each of them has done horrible things in the past, because the world is more complex than “good” and “bad”. It is part of being human, and we talk so much about Jack’s powers that we forget at times that he is half human too.

Especially in that aspect I think Jack mirrors Dean a lot. There is an early parallel when Jack tells Cas how much he missed him, how he begged for his return, or basically when he tells Cas everything Dean couldn’t. The Jack we see at the end of the episode, the one who decides to leave because he is afraid he is going to hurt his found family, is the one who reminded a lot of Dean in 9x10, who decided to leave because he thought of himself as “poison”. Dean is still the one who is the most honest with Jack – when he asks if the security guard had a family only Dean gives him a direct answer. Dean is the one who never tried to sugarcoat what he thought of Jack, but he is also the one who admits here that he was wrong about Jack. We saw a first small step in that direction at the end of 13x04, after Jack saved Sam, but it is clear that the turning point is Jack bringing Cas back.

Also, Jack refers to Cas, Sam and Dean as “all he has”. This and that he asked about the family of the man he killed shows how important family and family ties are to him, and that he thinks in categories of family the way we know Dean does as well. It wouldn’t surprise me if we end the season with Jack addressing the Winchesters (including Cas of course) as his family.

Something else I found interesting are Jack’s powers. By now he can control them in some ways. It is clear it is a learning process. What I am curious about though is what specifically are Jack’s powers. We know that one day he will be more powerful than his father. We know he has some angelic powers – he can teleport, bullets and knifes don’t hurt him etc. Unlike angels though you can’t banish him. He sleeps, even if he doesn’t sleep as much as humans. He eats and he seems to enjoy food. It is a mix between angelic powers and human needs. Then again he asked Cas to heal the security guard, even though we know that Jack can technically heal people, after all he saved his mother in 12x19, so we might see him exploring more powers in the future.

The most interesting part though is his power to open portals to other worlds, and the fact that he had the power to reach Cas in the Empty, a place where even God had no power. This made me wonder if the Empty perhaps exists outside of reality? And God’s powers only have access in places in our reality – earth, heaven, hell, purgatory, the veil. Could it be that every universe/reality has their own God? If there are different versions of the archangels, why not God? We know that Lucifer from our universe still has his powers in the AU world. But what if there is only one Empty, existing outside of all those realities? And only Jack, Death and the reapers have access to it? Does that make Jack more powerful than God?

Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly Fond of Each Other

(What did you think all them saddles and boots was about?)

So, after Dean said “I do” under a giant neon cross, I think it is fair to say that travelling to Doge City and dressing up as cowboys was Dean and Cas’s honeymoon?

I’m still in awe and wonder how obvious all the Destiel stuff was. Not just in this episode, during the whole season so far. It is the main topic with all my meta peeps here, because we still can’t believe that after years of digging deep through the subtext the show is now so blatant about Destiel. After 13x05 everyone and their mother said that Cas was presented as the win Dean so desperately needed, and now he textually confirms it, calling Cas even a “pretty big win”. Dean’s whole attitude and behaviour has changed, in the way that 13x05 and 13x06 almost work as a pair to show is exactly what the main difference is between the two episodes and Dean’s emotional state. I mean their mom is still trapped and Jack is still a potential danger, and this episode marks the first time he killed someone, even if it was only an accident. We expected to hear the “I told you”-speech from Dean, instead he is reaching out to Jack and takes care of his mess. Why? Because of Cas. Because Jack brought back Cas, and for the first time Dean can acknowledge the effort Jack applied.

It was in character that we didn’t get a great speech of Dean talking about his feelings (like I said, Jack already expressed what Dean felt). We are not at the point of the story yet where Dean is ready to use his words, though sooner or later he has to. Instead we got the car scene and the usual bickering between Cas and Dean, and it is only then that Dean admits how happy he is that Cas is back. It was very lighthearted and sweet and it again confirmed that Dean and Cas have a relationship off-screen (the movie Dean made Cas watch, the fact that Cas knows that Dean is an angry sleeper etc). Also, my new headcanon is that Metatron didn’t like Western movies, so they weren’t part of all the popculture knowledge he gave Cas. Dean might missed his chance to introduce Cas to Star Wars, but he will do his best to show Cas his favourite Western movies. All of them.

Wild Wild Dead

The case of the week was rather simple. There was a recurring theme of “things that look like other things”. In 13x02 we had with Asmodeus a shapeshifting demon, in 13x03 we had a wraith who looks human and 13x04 featured two actual shapeshifters and an ancient cosmic entity that took the form of our favourite angel. And we started this episode with Dean asking Cas if it is really him. It doesn’t take a big step to figure out that identity will be a big theme this season. Jack of course still struggles with his own, trying to find out who he is. And then of course we have the AU world or maybe even worlds, with a potential infinite amount of doppelgängers of characters we know.

We also have two characters coming back from the dead – Cas literary, and the ghoul who impersonates someone who died a long time ago. Both lose the one they wanted to protect – Cas loses Jack, Dave loses Athena. I’m not sure if this parallel was on purpose because Dave and Athena’s relationship wasn’t anything like the one between Jack and Cas. The first one was romantic and quite unhealthy, the second a parent-child-relationship, based on support. I also wonder if Athena was aware that her boyfriend was a ghoul? She seemed to know about the grave robberies and I thought for a moment she provided him with food, but she was surprised to find out he wasn’t exactly human, so.

Another character that was somehow paralleled/ associated with Dean was the Sergeant. The officer who was killed was his nephew; not his actual so, but still someone very close to him. Getting revenge for him was family business, to make it even more obvious. And he stated twice that he would kill the one responsible for his nephew’s death. And that is somehow problematic. I think it was perhaps part of the Western theme to show people who take the law in their own hands, with blazing guns and only one of them surviving. Still he was an officer of the law, and unlike Dean and the others he didn’t know at first that a monster was responsible for his nephew’s death. The show morally justified that hunters can kill monsters, if they have killed, because there is no monster prison. But there is no justification for humans to kill other humans, especially not officers of the law who should know better. The first monstrous humans though on the show have all been killed by officers of the law though (Pa Bender by Deputy Kathleen Hudak in 1x15 and Pete Sheridan by Detective Diana Ballard in 2x07). Sergeant Phillips is portrayed as a hero by the narrative, that he kills the monster in the end feels justified, but it shouldn’t.

Dean seemed also very calm when the ghoul aimed his gun at his head. Perhaps because he knew that Billie would bring him back, because he is important? Interesting though “stabbed by a ghoul in a graveyard” was one of Dean’s potential deaths (I wonder if we will also get to see almost burned by a red haired witch and almost died by a heart-attack). After the ghoul is dead Dean takes care of Jack’s mess and is back to his usual “we were never here and we lie about what we do”-attitude. In contrast to 13x01 where he openly told the Sheriff that he is a hunter, because he no longer cared about anything. Now that Cas is back he does.

Some other things:

- Did nobody in town recognize Dave Mather? Did they all think it was just a great coincidence the undertaker’s new boyfriend looked exactly like the old west dude?

- Speaking of, why is nobody ever suspicious about their aliases? Texas ranger Val Kilmer? Seriously?

- Nina Lopez-Corrado, the director of the episode, smuggled herself in the episode twice: with Athena’s last name (Lopez) and again with the giant “Lopez” on top of the mausoleum in the graveyard.

- Does Sam like Amanda Palmer? He seemed interested. Adding this to my (very short) list of music Sam likes.

- The episode had great soundtrack choices.

- I’m still worried about Jack though. I hope he packed some lunch.

Until next week <3

[austennerdita2533]

A/N: Okay, so...I'm not entirely sure what this is?? haha. I was hit with a truckload of Kalijah nostalgia during Katherine Pierce Appreciation Week recently and this 3k more or less tumbled out of me without much provocation, steamrolling into a lot of Elijah POV and prose I never thought I'd think about let alone expected to write? 

 As a result, I don’t know how I feel about it. But I hope you like it, anyway! *prayer hands*

xx Ashlee Bree

Summary: Elijah ends things between them abruptly in Mystic Falls. Katherine clings and chases him to New Orleans, refusing to let him off the hook without a fight because she's learned something that's changed the game. It's changed everything. Now, if only Elijah would get out of his own head long enough to listen...

(Canon Divergence + post-s4 of TVD + Mates)

(FF.net) (A03)

There Are Girls Who Will Tear You Apart With Their Lips

who put this brain inside of me?

it cries it demands it says that there is a chance.

it will not say “no.” —Love is a Dog from Hell, Charles Bukowski

Tantalized.

It’s what Elijah feels. It’s the first thing he thinks the moment he perceives her standing in the middle of the foyer, ensconced in lamplight, with her hip cocked to the left and her expression calculating, a little nefarious, an expensive bottle of Bordeaux peeking out of her handbag. Chestnut curls cascade down her back to bounce against the intricate lace of that little black dress she wears. It’s tapered slightly above the knee to hug her thighs, accentuating her lithe curves perfectly. Sinfully.

She’s the devil in kitten heels and Dior perfume, and she knows it. Flaunts it. She brandishes it at him like a whip that's headed straight for his Achilles heel.

Five hundred years of reserve, and constraint, and pain, fade away with the flicker of her curled black lashes to his face, her pert simper widening as imaginary strings pluck in time to the sashay of her hips when she glides past him into the sitting room; heels clicking against the hardwood. Brushing against his shoulder, she precedes to strut through the room with a newly-acquired familiarity. She allows her gaze to catalogue everything. As if she’s resorting it to memory.

Next, she pulls back the light feathery curtains to toss a perfunctory nod of approval at the streets below, humming something to herself unintelligibly. Then, after another moment, she opens the doors so the French Quarter humidity and musical commotion can billow in through from the courtyard. It seems she’s making herself at home—like she owns it. Or, like avarice is nothing to her but a wieldable commodity for him to nurture.

Elijah forgets to move.

The house somehow grows smaller with her in it. More claustrophobic.

It’s far too snug with these used bricks and cherry bookshelves caging them in on all sides, at every angle. It feels like the ceiling’s about to descend to crush every last gear still churning inside his head. What if it does? How will this chess game finally end?

The available space between their two bodies shrinks and shrinks until she’s a magnified map of history, half truths, and conflicting body language expanding before his eyes. She’s in every room or hallway, lurking around every corner; and before he knows it, he’s unable to look away from the tome of her he doesn’t want to read.

The sun trickles in from outside like yellow fire droplets. It sizzles against Elijah’s back so heat snakes down his spine like burnt cigarettes and nearly causes him to fall to his knees.

His whole body tingles and itches until everything around him blazes as red as that profane mark on his wrist, sucking out his well-preserved faculties like blood because he knows when he permits himself to move closer, he’ll be too weak to locate the door he needs. He knows he’ll never be able to sneak back behind it. No. He’ll never be able to find the strength to slam it shut between them again.

Also, were he to endeavor such an escape now, she’d never hesitate to strike from behind with her talons extended. She’d never pause to claim him like the prey he often was around her, and perhaps still could be—so he remains still. As formidable as stone.  

“Good evening, Katerina,” he says stiffly, addressing her with a curt appraising nod. “To what do I owe this intrusion?”

“Missed me bad, have you?” she replies with a smirk.

“Not quite the phrasing I’d choose, no.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“And why’s that?”

She twines hair around her finger and says, “Because I’ve missed you terribly, ma chérie, and I’m here to collect what’s owed to me. What’s owed to us. Time’s up for you, I’m afraid. No more charades.”

Katherine’s an entire dictionary of words: a little bit of everything convoluted and picante:

Coquettish.

Possessive.

Calculating.

Indulgent.

Dangerous.

Stylish.

Sexy.

Lovely.

Too lovely.

The adjectives burn like cognac on Elijah’s tongue and he knows he needs to bury them. He needs to stop all those inexcusable words from flashing through his head, from sliding across his suddenly blunted teeth in want of describing her. But they’re delectable in all their disaster. Perfect in their crunch. Like blood dipped in roses or Debussy. Like a lovebite scarred on his neck in shades of faded red lipstick. Like hands leashed around his wrists. Like…

Clearly he’s tantalized by her yet.

The thought makes him want to crack her open like a book spine to study the language of her entrails, to find out where the pentameter cuts off and where the free verse of hell begins. The face of Athena, Aphrodite, and Hecate—her face—wears an underworld of dark and delicious secrets this spring evening; and they pulsate like veins beneath her hungry, inscrutable eyes like they always have. Like they probably always will.

Changed and unchanged in a multitude of ways, Katherine’s a chameleon with fangs who prowls from century to century. Haunting him. Seducing him with fingernails that claw into his back to mark love there, against his skin. Torturing him with too many questions he’ll never be able to answer: like why their hearts are forever tangled in manipulation, and lies, and ‘almosts’ that never come to fruition.

She’s a one-headed Medusa whose name still purrs in the reticent bones of his mind—Katerina, Katerina—and he cannot stop hearing it like a refrain. He knows he cannot. He knows because he’s covered his ears; he’s shut down his own heart too many times to count.

And tried.

“I’m disappointed. You don’t seem happy to see me,” Katherine says, breaking the ice with a tut and a pout.

“No,” Elijah replies as he glances at his Rolex. “No, I’d say I’m more surprised than anything.”

The smile she offers in return is thin. Terse.

“By the way you keep checking your watch, I’d wager you’re expecting a visitor of the female variety.”

“I am.”

It’s a lie. He’s not expecting anyone. Hayley’s long gone; he and his siblings ushered her out of the city after her wild, elaborate tales regarding Klaus and a magical child proved to be as fallacious as she was.

“Who is she?” Katherine demands tartly, swallowing back a snarl.

His answer is impassive. Stoic. “I fear that’s none of your concern.”

“You really believe that, don’t you?”

He dignifies this with nothing but silence.

“Okay. Have it your way, Elijah,” Katherine purrs. Her movements a little too casual and nonchalant, she waves him off only to pivot back around like a black swan ballerina. “But I bet she’s not as hot for you as I am.”

“In fact,” her teeth widen in smile; her voice sharpens, “I’d bet my heart on it.”

Elijah folds his hands. The barest hint of courtesy levels his voice into something flat and steady, “What do you want, Katerina?”

“You.”

“And how can I be of service?” he says with a blink.

Angling closer, Katherine narrows her eyes then unloads,

“Did you think you could get rid of me that easily? Me? A Petrova?” she laughs, but it comes out cutting. Sardonic. “Let me let you in on a little secret, baby: I survive; I never say die. So don’t you dare believe for one second there’s a world for you out there without me in it, because there’s not, because there never will be. Do you understand me?”

Elijah’s jaw ticks and he frowns, offering her a look ripe with skepticism.

“No, no,” she wiggles her finger at him as a wicked glint transforms her features, “you can’t run from this any longer. You’re done locking yourself off from me.”

Circling him in those tall, fancy heels, trailing a finger down his shirt almost like she’s marking territory or preparing to fillet her prey, Katherine stops to spread both hands against his chest before pulling him to her by the lapels. She pulls him until their faces are only inches apart. Until Elijah’s close enough to smell her last kill (a vodka-drinking attorney) on her breath.

“Did you really think I’d let you go after some vile, half-assed goodbye? Or that I wouldn’t follow you after I learned the truth? After I felt it literally brand into me, burning my muscles and bones?” she snickers again.

“In the five hundred years you’ve known me, have I once struck you as the kind of lover who wouldn’t scratch, fight, or scheme until the man I desired conceded? Until he swore he was mine?”

“It makes no difference. The point is settled. Moot.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Katherine spits out cruelly, challenging him. “It makes all the difference.”

A lump forms in his throat at her words, but he bites it back, too self-controlled for his own good. In any case, hope for them is gone. Dead. So he answers her cooly instead,

“I don’t care.”

“What a fool you are, Elijah,” Katherine sneers, malicious humor dripping from the edges of her mouth like rubies. “I warned you I wouldn’t let you off the hook again, and I won’t…now stop pushing me the hell out, you insufferable, pretentious ass!”

“No. You must stop pulling me in,” he fires back.

Zeal mixed with anger and perseverance turns her pupils into flames. It accentuates her Hadean beauty; it heightens her severity enough to strengthen it into something fixed and implacable, something almost ruthless.

“Sorry,” Katherine says without a hint of remorse, “but you should know this by now: I do as I damn well please.”

“This is madness!” Shaking, he grasps her by the shoulders and flashes them into the library. Pressing her hard against the nearest bookcase. “Desist with this nonsense, immediately! I beg of you.”  

“No.”

“Why are you doing this? What for!?”

“I think you already know the answer to that,” Katherine whispers like a caress.

She simpers up at him knowingly when his sleeve slips up his wrist to expose the intricate ‘KP’ calligraphy engraved into the skin of his left hand. Which, despite being slightly obscured by his watch, looks as if it were elegantly cat-scratched against his veins—only it wasn’t.

“It was foolish of you to come here, Katerina,” Elijah says, drawing out a sigh. “This little act of yours will not alter my decision. I meant what I said to you before I left Mystic Falls. You and I have come to an impasse—we are not…I fear we cannot seem to…”

He clears his throat.

“This—this thing carved into my flesh is nothing but a superstitious trap, a compulsive trick of the mind some vengeful witch devised so that I would…so as to suggest that we are somehow…”

“Yes?”

He steps back. Hardening, he drags a hands down his face and clenches his jaw to add, “It’s not real, you understand. I’m certain it’s not real.”

“Liar,” she growls. There’s hunger in Katherine’s eyes now, and something else, too—something prickly and unnerving as hell because it crackles in the air around her like lightning: certainty. “Coward.”

“You feel the tug; you hear the call in the howl of your bones just as I do,” she says, “except you’re too afraid to let it course through you. You’re as stuck inside your own head as you ever were, Elijah, but I swear on my my precious-and-padded, about me life I won’t move until you let the only truth that matters consume you.”

She’s not entirely mistaken. He’s terrified.

Elijah’s terrified because they both know precisely what being ‘marked’ means…what it entails…how choice and providence each play a part in the official elevation from being ‘intended’ to ‘knotted.’ Soulmarks are embedded in any number of the myths and whisperings they’ve encountered throughout the centuries, and some offer convincing proof of their existence despite the proclaimed rareness among the Originals. And, yet…how many grimoire’s in his family’s possession state that perhaps—perhaps—

Elijah’s mind is so bleary all of a sudden. His heart is so thunderous and unrelenting against his ribcage, so burdensome with all these wretched, blaring sensations it thrums whenever it’s within her proximity, that he struggles for purchase. He feels himself spiraling and unraveling to the point that a door squeaks open inside of his head, just an inch, and that’s when the intolerable buzzing begins.

In an effort to compensate and correct, he stands taller and firmer. He pinches the bridge of his nose, more fatigued than he’s felt in a thousand years, and says,

“Please. Please, I can’t do this now.”

“Oh, don’t worry. You won’t do it to me now,”  Katherine says with a curl of her red mouth, “or ever again.”

“It’s over between us, Katerina.”

“The hell it is! I always get what I want, and I want you to let me in.”

“No,” he says, shaking his head and pushing her away with closed eyes and balled fists which he shoves into his pockets. “I-I won’t.”

“Fine then,” Katherine relents, but only for a second. “If that’s how you want to play it—” She rakes him over with a predatory gleam in her eyes, “Kiss me like it’s over and maybe I’ll believe you.”

“This isn’t a game, Katerina!”

“Maybe it is, E. Maybe it is. This could be the universe’s Most Dangerous Game, or perhaps you’ve failed to consider that?”

“I said no. It’s not real!”

“Yes. It is!” she hisses back with resolve heavy on her black lashes. “Believe.”

“You’re…you’re being impossible. This is indecent! Asinine! Absolute lunacy!”

She rolls her eyes.

“Like I want a vocabulary lesson when I know you want this, too.”

Suddenly, she’s tugging on his lapels again, and her hands are diving beneath his tailored jacket to tear at the designer fabric until it’s ripped from his shoulders, shimmied down his elbows, and discarded from his wrists into a ball behind his feet.

Katherine’s all around him in seconds. Visions, dreams, memories, flesh—she’s everywhere:

Her tiger-doe eyes…

That blood-and-Dior scent on her clothes, against her lips…

Those soft brown tresses falling to brush her chin, framing her face until they’re wreathed around his fingertips like a web, trapped and tangled as they tug along the back of her scalp, never to free themselves again…

The way she laughs, screams his name…

How the air bends into heat, and lust, and skin, as she bites into his neck to free him of constraint…

Her meowing heartbeat…

The perfect swivel of her hips when she wraps her limber legs around his waist and smashes back against the shelves, straddling him as if she’d ride him through every page of history only to proceed across the blankness of forever; determined to write their lovemaking across the epochs of eternity…

How she ties his intestines into knots with a look, with a single touch…

‘Mine, mine, mine’ kissing along each one of his ribs…

The feel of her teasing, scratching, goosebump-eliciting fingernails drawing initials into his back so they’ll never heal, never fade…

She’s everywhere—in everything. And there’s no way in hell to tell what’s real or how it’ll end. All he knows, all he feels, is this tantalizing magnetism in his veins pulling him forward. Into her arms.  

“Sue me, but I told you this was the only way to call your bluff, Elijah. Kiss me more. Again,” Katherine both demands and pleads.

There’s a clock tick-ticking somewhere inside his head now, counting down the seconds until he’s entirely unlocked by the key of her mouth.

“Come on. Kiss me harder, ma chérie.”

Elijah gulps and steps back, but not far.

He barely smothers the temptation to lurch forward to take her—blood and lips, skin and sin, love so volcanic it could erupt—by reinforcing the knot of his tie and smoothing down his Armani sleeves until they’re as stiff as armor: determined to keep the world out. He’s resolved to knight himself up from head-to-toe to keep fate from bounding in. It shall not overtake him; it will not win. He’ll do almost anything to keep that word from snaking and coiling itself all the way through him like that soulmark on his wrist, like this girl with the pomegranate poison on her tongue, if he can.

If he can.

“Give me your mouthful of forevers,” she says. “Let me suck them from your lips.”

Katherine’s smile unravels into something sharp and cunning as she runs her thumb across his chin, teasing him by leaning in to nibble her way along the edge of his jaw and closed mouth until he’s forced to give up, give in. She’s daring him to try and resist the sweet and sour taste of her tongue—which he doesn’t because he never has. He never can. And now he never will again because the little minx has whittled him down until he’s transformed into the one thing he swore did not exist: Mate.

Elijah’s heart and mind sigh in conjunction with this epiphany. This is it. The end. He’s let her all the way in. The last walls of resistance wobble then crumble, receding into corners that fill him with a permanent sense of acceptance and warmth. Something akin to…well, heaven if it weren’t a myth.

“I don’t know about you,” Katherine purrs against his mouth, “but I say we continue this conversation upstairs. Yes?”

He cups her face in both hands.

“And, if I don’t care to venture that far? What then, hm?” he trails off with a pursed look. But it abruptly unwinds into a small smile.

Pulling back, Katherine considers him with a grin before she rips his shirt down the middle to send buttons skating across the floor and to pepper his exposed chest with kisses. The promise of more is eminent when she crashes them both atop a mountain of books and reaches for his belt, sliding it free with a deft tug,

“Then I suppose the desk will have to do,” she says.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Wisdom and War: An Athena Cykes Mix

Art given to me by the amazing @diloolie​

And charge in head on/ I will be your shield/Go ahead and release the goddess inside you!/(In every star, in ever moon, in every vena, there lives Athena)

A mix for Athena Cykes, a revolutionary girl who outshines the moon.

1. ATHENA| CircusP + CrusherP//2. They Know My Name| Big Little Lions//3. Goodnight Little Robot Child| Princess Chelsea//4. Little Me| Little Mix//5. Yellow Halo| Goldfrapp//6. Hope on Fire|Vienna Teng//7. Akatsuki no Hana (Flower of the Dawn) English Cover|Saki//8. Bravado (Cover)| Rebecca Brady//9. Me Against the World| Superchick//10.Give a Reason| Megumi Hayashibara//11.Dakara Hitori Ja Nai (That’s Why I’m Not Alone) English Cover| Amanda Lee//12. One Girl Revolution| Superchick//13. See Me Now| Little Mix//14. Odd Future (English Cover)| Amanda Lee//15. Everything at Once| Lenka//16. The Prayer (Cover)|K.T. Tunstall//17. Peace Sign (English Cover)| Jubyphonic//18. Voice of the Heart| Diana Ross//19. I’m a Believer (English Cover)| Amanda Lee//20. Young Volcanoes (Cover)|Tiffany Alvord//21. Sora Ni Utaeba (If I Could Sing in the Sky) (English Cover)| Amanda Lee//22. Sunadokei (Hourglass)| Megumi Hayashibara//23. Courtoom Revolutionaire (Vocal Version)| Adriana Figueroa

Play on Playmoss

Play on 8tracks

Finishing replaying Dual Destinies and getting some amazing art from diloolie inspired me to finally make an Athena mix! I may have gotten...a bit carried away. Can u believe I was worried about not finding enough songs...ANYWAY. Even if you don’t know Ace Attorney, this makes for a great kick-butt mix to get you motivated (save for a couple subdued sad songs at the beginning).It’s a mix that pretty much screams “LET’S DO THIS!” as Athena would say.

Lyrics, annotations and translations under the cut!

Athena- PRETTY SELF EXPLANATORY. I was so pumped to discover this song at the last minute. I was actually alerted to it thanks to a sweet Athena amv that came up in my youtube suggestions- check it. 

The moment is right/So don't wait/Get ready to fight/When I say/Break free of the chains/That hold you back/React. And plan your attack

Brace yourself and run into the battlefield/Move on/Don't falter/Plan your pursuit/And charge on and head on I will be your shield /Go on/Release the goddess inside you In every star/In every moon /In every vena/There lives Athena

They Know My Name- a song for Athena’s trauma and PTSD. It also fits for how she can get overwhelmed hearing everyone’s emotions.

Her panic attacks being highly visible- can also refer to how Widget tends to recite her thoughts:

All of my noise in the air/My thoughts can be seen from everywhere

Panic attacks, PTSD:

These wars that I fight from within/I don't know where they end and I begin I try/ I try to calm them down/But these thoughts they keep spinning/Round and round, round and round/These monsters are hiding within my brain/They roar and they shout and they know my name

Goodnight Little Robot Child- Young Athena, living in the space center among robots, unable to tell the difference between them and humans

Goodnight little robot child/Close your eyes go to sleep tight/ little robot child/Starmans waiting for/You've been running around with your robot friends/And your battery's feeling so low

Little Me- Athena looking back on her younger self. "I was a shaking and scared little girl, small and ineffectual.... Even after I went to live with my relatives in Europe, I stayed closed up in my shell. “

Voice so quiet you don't hear a word/Always talking but she can't be heard/You can see it there if you catch her eye/I know she's brave but it's trapped inside/Scared to talk but she don't know why

Wish I knew back then/What I know now/Wish I could somehow Go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice/I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out/Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder

Yellow Halo- Athena dealing with the death of her mother. I consider this to be from Metis’s POV in a way. This song is actually about dealing with the loss of a mother, so it fits really well.

Metis dying:

I rose to the moon, Wearing all white

Metis wears a “yellow halo” now, and those colors are  passed on to Athena Athena wears yellow, shining brightly and kindly:

Yellow halo/all your colors/yellow halo/for a queen/yellow halo/bequeathed

Metis lives on through Athena, who carries on her legacy, wearing the moon earring her mother made for her and bringing hope to everyone:

Seasons change/the moon’s still here/dawn breaks endlessly

Hope on Fire: Athena making her vow to be heard and to save Simon, no matter what the cost (yes i know i use this song a lot in mixes, IT’S A GREAT SONG OKAY) “That’s because one day, I came to realize that I had to fight. I couldn’t give up"

gotta fight gotta strike/'cause there's no turning away/from what you don't want to know/

ooh you're gonna make your mark this time/ooh you're gonna set your hope on fire/gotta leave gotta bleed/you've gotta stop lying still/'cause this is no kind of life

we're coming closer now to the truth

Akatsuki no Hana: "I couldn’t give up. I exercised hard and I studied hard. I wanted to become the strongest lawyer I could be.”

I’ll tear the doubt out of my mind/because with the strength inside me/I’ll leave the girl I was behind

Breaking through to the sky with the strength to survive/feel the dawn break through toy your heart/Chasing the skies, I’ll find a brighter day/Tear through the lies/I’m who I wanna be/you won’t take my courage away

Bravado: “What was Athena like as a child? ”She didn’t talk very much” “That’s completely different from the Athena we know now!” "I was so surprised! She was like a completely different person, so cheerful and happy!”

All my life, I've been fighting a war/I can't talk to you or your friends/It's not only you/My heart jumps around when I'm alluded to/This will not do

But when you're withdrawn, it's the closest thing to assault when all eyes are on you/This will not do/I'm faking glory/Lick my lips, toss my hair/And turn the smile on/And the story's brand new/But I can take it from here/I'll find my own bravado

Me Against the World- Athena refusing to give up on Simon even as he’s all obstinate and ready to change the courtroom

okay, with this line how could I resist:

Simon says to pack it up

Even the LA references work if you consider Japanifornia (though honestly I can never think of AA as actually taking place in LA...just a weird alternate Japan where everyone has english names. BUT I DIGRESS)

They said don't try to change the world/You're just a girl/So it's me against the world today/I'm gonna do it my own way/And though nobody understands/I'm gonna make a one girl stand

Give a Reason- full translation here.  Lyrics also in the playmoss vid. Very fitting for Athena, who charges ahead and looks for answers

There's an "answer" somewhere for sure /The answer for why we were born/.../I'm not afraid of getting hurt!/But I'm not strong in any way for feeling that /Simply, I just can’t do nothing/I don't wanna be regretting myself! /Here we go! go! I'll keep running /I won't be stopped by anybody!

Dakara: My Hero Academia and Athena go together so well.

 “I didn’t have anybody to support me at first, either. I couldn’t face the fear inside me, couldn’t get over the trauma of my past. “ 

“ It sure feels nice to be part of a great group like this! I just want to say I really love working here with all you fabulous people!”   

How come I am the only one to always face a hurricane?/Back then I used to think it all so meaningless (was so alone)/But everything began to change

Again we’re crying but trying/To prove we can overcome it/I know that we’ll rise above it each and every time/(Everything will be fine!)/I’ll reach for your hand,Yeah, my friend,You are not alone this time

One Girl Revolution- The courtroom Revolutionaire! “Let’s revolutionize this stodgy institution!”

And I'll be everything that I want to be/I am confidence in insecurity/I am a voice yet waiting to be heard/I'll shoot the shot /Bang/That you hear round the world/And I'm a one girl revolution

See Me Now- “ Then that’s a win for me– No, a win for analytical psychology! “

That I've been hesitating so long, so long/Somebody turn out the light./Cause right now must be my time to shine/They said I couldn't, they told me that I wouldn't/But if they could see me now/They'd see I'm something, that I'm not scared of nothing/And the world will hear me shout

Odd Future

You love the contradiction shaking you/even when you fall take one step/you can breath again in one step/.../shaking off the rust in your soul/gotta rise from a dark history/.../but today I opened up my eyes and I feel alive

Everything at Once- In the DLC, Athena said she wanted to be strong enough to fight a whale, and suddenly I realized this was perfect for her. She dreams big and wants to be everything and I love her.

As pretty as a picture hanging from a fixture/Strong like a family, strong as I wanna be/Bright as day, as light as play/As hard as nails, as grand as a whale/All I wanna be, all I wanna be, oh/All I wanna be is everything

The Prayer- “Why do you turn everything into a competition?” Athena’s go getter competitiveness is everything.

Let me outshine the moon/Is it so wrong to crave recognition?/Second best, runner-up/Is it so wrong to want rewarding?/To want more than is given to you?

Tonight make me unstoppable/And I will charm, I will slice/I will dazzle them with my wit

Peace sign- “She flashed a peace sign at me. “Congratulations on your acquittal,” she said. [...]But I saw her eyes. They were red and swollen from crying. She’s gotta be suffering! She must be so worried! And yet she went out of her way to be nice and give me that big smile!”

Although your eyes are red, you’ll never cry again/ no I’ll be the smile that you need and I won’t go/Theme to be a hero, just remember to sing/Say goodbye and I’ll leave with a peace sign

Voice of the heart- “Let me hear the voice of you heart!”

If you listen long enough/If you dream it strong enough/A door inside will open/And a light will flood the dark/Like a song too long unsung/Or a soul forever young/We all will find an answer/In the voice of the heart

I’m a Believer- Athena charging ahead with people cheering her on ‘"It’s not over yet, Thena. Even now at this very moment, I still believe in you! I know you better than most people, Thena. And I know you’d never surrender to the dark age of the law ”

It’s not easy to keep going – motivation’s running thin/I know my dream’s unrealistic … No, I don’t need reminding/In these moments, under pressure, when you feel it closing in/You’re the one - be the one to believe in

I keep searching for an answer/But I can’t keep it together Does anybody know what path I should take?/I won’t hesitate/Because this dream that I’ll create, it cannot be misguided/By simple regret, and thoughts of “what if”/So, I’ll take my next step, but if you were to cheer me on,I’d soar beyond that boundary

Young Volcanoes- “Well, nobody's going to try harder than me! So you'd better watch out, Apollo! Simon is free, thanks to Mr. Wright... ...but there are so many more people out there who need our help!”

Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds/It's all over now/Before it has begun/We've already won/We are wild/We are like young volcanoes

Sora ni- Look, Athena and MHA just really go well together. I was always telling you guys sh’s part shonen hero part magical girl. 

“Well, I knew that if I didn’t get your sentence overturned fast, you’d be executed! So I studied and studied. I was frantic! I’m so glad I made it in time! ………… Just barely… but I still made it! “ 

Every time you cry/Make it so It only makes you stronger/Cut straight through the illusion/And soar from the confusion/To a Blue-Sky Revolution/Can't forsake the future when it's this bright/So give the fight/All your might

Sunadokei: translation here. “Thatta girl, Athena. It’s good to see you finally let your tears out. “

I just continue on living /Questioning its meaning... /A correct answer just doesn't exist /So I just raise my head and keep walking

Resignation without restraint, memories/If you regret it and cry, that is fine /But even so, the tomorrow that is created will /Overflow with merciless love/.../Turn those broken tears into strength

Courtroom revolutionaire- obviously.

[miistical]

Realistic Fiction

This is a commission for @refinedgluttony

Humans had lived on the earth for six million years. Humans had been creating things since they had realized what imagination was, what wonder and awe was, what they could make with color and sometimes not even that. Humans walked with a bounce and talked with accents and lisps and cared with all of their body and heart. Humans had evolved from what could now be called creatures, called monsters, called animals. But they became human. That is fact. Humans sometimes wished for more, though. Humans believed in something more than themselves; humans had put faith into false beings; humans had the occult living in their souls. That is fantasy.

Ever since humans could all gain balance and stand, could breath out sounds and make sense of the them, could finally understand their peers, there was an agreement of sorts. That this was fact and that this was fantasy. Fact was passion and the raw sense of hunger—Fact was a disciplined truth seeker and information giver, a being who had been birthed as Athena was: from the mind. Fantasy, their eternal twin, had made a home in oral adventures and sweet lies; legends regaled their journeys by the whispering fire and in the dead of night. Fact and Fantasy did not hate each other as humans often did. Their retellings usually intertwined with one another and so they met nearly every day. There was no resentment between them though - no regret. Fact and Fantasy respected each other deeply and were extremely fond of each other's company. It had been a friendship millennia in the making. Stone tablets and worn tapestries had been dedicated to their union, carvings and paintings memorials to how they danced with one another in every language. Yet, their carelessness had lead to too many stepped-on toes and broken ankles. Fact, especially, had not taken their comfort with one another easily. Concepts and pictures became words. Those words became language that became stories and traditions and religion - and Fact slowly lost themself as time marched on. Fact had started to notice that true events and historical accuracy were twisted and exaggerated into falsities—their delicate work and intricacies torn apart and stitched back together in a collage of improbable events. Their work in science and mathematics, sound and steady work, was ignored and real life occurrences were left as a footnote in an unraveling history textbook. It was as if classrooms seemed less like a well of knowledge and more like the ground where Alexandria's library had burned. Fact, devastated and for once unknowing of what to do, grew bitter. They began to distance themself from their counterpart and Fantasy's myths and mysteries. Fact's self-loathing had created a fissure between them and Fantasy and, would they had been filled with all the poems in world, Fact would have called their empty relationship a song without music. In turn, Fantasy had always seen Fact as a close friend. They had sworn to always be by their side, always in reach when evidence just didn't add up or when it simply was not enough. The sudden separation hurt their very soul, all of their romance stories ending in tragedy. Soon all of their ideas transformed into impossible lies or unrealistic goals—truth no longer had a say in what was written down. Ridiculous figments, mere shadows, haunted novels and short stories alike. Every scratch of a pencil was a tangent, a rant, with no substance. All of Fantasy was shaved down into the unlikely and so they, with eyes of retribution and longing, began the search for their beloved Fact. And as their separation grew until nothing but a chasm was left, Fact too started to wilt and die. Their passion no longer flared and they became uninspired in the absence of Fantasy. The limits of science became stagnant. Research lacked minds to put interest into them; the stars and waves themselves had lost their beguiling nature and untamable resilience - now they were both nothing more than a map waiting to be made. Yet they both carried a certain unwitting end to them. Fact, head and shoulders always above the rest, looked toward the ground, their feet planted and never moving. Fantasy, a floating and shy wisp of a blooming nature, was always tilted back, their eyes trained on the sky. Without the other Fact would surely bury themself while Fantasy would not take long to float along with the clouds. But hands clasped, their ideals working together, Fact had always been able to show the majesty of the forests and seas while Fantasy happily showed off the glories of the sunset and the planets far beyond what the both of them could see. (Of course, of course they mixed. That wasn't the surprising thing. What shocked them both was that it had been Fantasy who had known first and Fact who had acted on emotion.) It wasn't long before they slowly found themselves gravitating to each other for a second time. After all, facts without fiction was just a pretty way to say without intrigue, without interest. After all, fantasy without reality was just a pretty way to say with ignorance, with mistakes. 1818. The year of the ghoul. The year of the ghost. The year of bringing them both to life. A monster, stitched together with blood and insanity, rose through electricity—Science Fiction given life, child to Fact and Fantasy. A monster created by a monster, a marriage of silver horror and gold truth, and it seemed that Fantasy could not shy away from their parenthood. Desperate for closure - for a closing of that canyon between them - Fantasy followed their monster home. They skipped past their old scribbles and paintings until they came upon numbers and calculations. And there, among research logs and exploration entries, Fact stood. There, among burned parchment filled with the script of men who lived and died for the same final truth, Fact turned. Fact stared. Fantasy had only grown more lovely in time. Curled diamonds for hair, skin of secrets whispered at midnight and ghost stories told across fire, freckles like stardust and every grain of sand—their eyes were the shade of anyone who had ever told a story. They floated before Fact and reached out a hand of dripping ink and Fact could feel the dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin release into them, knew what was happening. They did nothing to stop it and reached out to ground Fantasy yet again. Fantasy beamed, their smile waves and particles of light, and Fact let themself be blinded. Fact, lined and angled with a precision only a ruler could buy, was long limbed in every sense of the word. Long arms reached with long hands to curl long fingers around the soft edges of Fantasy's face and Fantasy's smile turned supernova - no twinkling fairy light in sight. Fact loved Fantasy with every language, every connotation to the word. "An intense feeling of deep affection" did nothing to revel in the sweet pulsing agony. How they could had ever thought to give up such a treasure, a fortune, a present— ("Why is it called the present, Fact?" "Because the origin of the word stems back to—" "—Fact." "Yes, Fantasy?" "Just ask me why it's called the present." "...why is it called the present, Fantasy?" "Because every day is a gift.") —Fact swore to get it right this time. So as Fantasy began to speak, their tongue curled over all the syllables that gave their words their dreaded melancholy, Fact did something unbeknownst to them. They interrupted Fantasy. Shocked, and justly so, Fantasy blinked those human eyes at Fact and stayed quiet. Fact took a deep inhale of expected anticipation and exhaled untested hypotheses. "I am sorry, my dear Fantasy. I apologize for my absence and my," Fact paused and the word choked out of them and Fact let themself finally fall into that pool of emotion, "ignorance. I apologize for my avoidance of you. I apologize for my wrongful thinking in that I could stay away from you. I apologize for believing our union to be a mistake. I apologize for believing you to be a mistake. My darling Fantasy, I apologize." Fact bowed their head and removed their hands from Fantasy's face. They clutched at Fantasy's hands. Fact knew those hands as well as Fact knew themself but they took in Fantasy's soft hands with a religiously hungry zeal. While Fact's own fingertips had been worn away by years of quills and pencils and pens and keyboards, ink and lead forever staining the creased lines of their palms, Fantasy's hands were unmarked. Fantasy's hands were that of a pianist, thin and easily curved. Nothing marked their skin except for the childish painting they did to themself - anything from small doodles to intricate henna designs could mar their skin at any time. At that moment they were blank and Fact felt their heart break just a little bit. "Life without you is like the sky without the stars: utterly dull and just waiting for someone to fill it. It is like a sea without depth: unsatisfyingly shallow and too close to the earth. It is like a human without a heart: unable to live and unable to die. My sweet Fantasy, I love you. I wish for your company only until the end of time. I will understand if you are cross with me and do not return my sentiments, speak shortly and I will greatly step away. But I beg to be near you again." Fantasy gazed upon the back of Fact's head, tears filled with the joyous cries of reuniting lovers running down their cheeks. They had never heard such strong emotion from their counterpart before—to say they were besotted would be a light thing compared to the utter enchantment Fantasy felt for their beloved Fact. They pried their fingers from Fact's grip and quickly shifted them to Fact's cheeks. Fact's hands rose to lightly curl around Fantasy's wrists as they drew Fact's head up. Fantasy's smile was closed mouth and full of all the tenderness they could give. They kissed Fact on the forehead and felt them suck in a shuddering breath. "Oh, Fact," Fantasy murmured, "I have always been a story without a teller, content without a bookmaker, words without a language, an explorer without a map. I have been waves with no compass and a forest with no guiding star. Truth is in every instance of what life is. Without that base a mountain has no height, a house has no foundation, and a story has no value." Fact's eyes, black holes filled with dark matter, seemed to brighten. Their arms reached over and wrapped around Fantasy and the two collided like a shooting star, like a breathing dragon: filled with all the fire in the world. "You have such wisdom you only show with me," Fact whispered into diamond hair. "If not for your love in return, I only wish to be in your presence from hereafter." "You may have that and more, my darling, for I have always loved you."

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 60, July 2017

On Monday morning, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. Today I felt like I was really productive, in the right mindset and trying hard to improve my technique. It’s getting a lot easier to open up to Luke now. The awkward tension is slowly dissipating. I even took the opportunity to be really honest with him post-workout. We basically exchanged hard truths and it felt good. I feel like if something is weighing heavily on my mind, I need to express it. Luke can’t read my mind and it’s better than pretending everything’s fine. It builds trust and it creates transparency.

WARM-UP...Today I used a rubber ball into the hips and lower groins, lying down on my side and on my back. Next I did some forward folding stretches over the box and also did a cowboy walk down the track. The exposure to how stupid I must of looked didn’t even bother me today because I was so focused on the burning through my knees, groin and buttocks. I’m slowly letting go of what others think about me and that’s a really good thing.

DEVELOPMENT...Today I worked on my back squats again, doing 5 rounds of 5 reps. This time, I was trying hard to improve my technique of sinking down low enough and keeping my chest lifted up. It’s a difficult balance to maintain but because I was only lifting about 40-50kg, it was easier to concentrate on my form. It wasn’t perfect but it was much better than last time and I didn’t leave beating myself up and feeling a failure. That’s success right there. Luke also decided to play some Britney Spears which certainly helped me keep focused.

WORKOUT...For the workout, I ended up doing some sled pulls and pushes along the green track. The first round was at 20kg. Luke was explaining that this was meant to be a sprint and therefore I’d want to be moving as fast as possible. My first attempt wasn’t the greatest but eventually I was getting better at it. At 30-40kg, the fatigue was kicking in hard and I really couldn’t move that fast at all. I was also a little too conscious about bumping into something going backwards and kept checking over my shoulder but otherwise I did okay.

Completing the workout was an achievement for me. The fact that I was out of breath and unable to talk shows that I did put 100% effort in. However the truth is that personal bests, records and times aren’t things that really motivate me that much. I don’t define myself and my progress by a number. It’s what makes me unique in the world of Crossfit and Strength Training. People may think that I’m crazy or not serious about my training, but that is far from the truth. Showing up, not giving up and smashing out a workout is what defines me. https://www.facebook.com/breakawayf...

On Monday night, I attended my first class of the Foundation Meditation course at Brahma Kumaris Centre for Spiritual Learning, The Peninsula. Finding the place wasn’t too difficult despite the lack of streetlights. Walking into the main building and reception area, I felt a little intimidated and cautious about being here. Then I noticed that all of the staff there were all wearing white garments. Oh god, have I just stepped into a spiritual/religious cult? Is this a convent or a mental hospital? Thankfully none of these things...so far.

I filled in a registration form at the front desk before proceeding upstairs to my class. The large room contained a screen featuring a diagram of focused light rays on a red background and a collection of 9 red chairs all arranged in a uniform pattern. My anxiety began kicking in now and of course I was the first to arrive. I met the facilitator named Angie, removed my shoes and found myself a seat in the back row. The other students then back flowing into the room before the class began at 7pm.

The class contained a mixed of theory and practical elements. We learned about the different types of thoughts including positive, negative, elevated, ordinary and waste. The last one, waste, makes up 90-95% of our total thoughts and include things from our past (blame, bitterness, regret and guilt) and our future (doubt, fear and worry). Angie described thoughts as a flow of energy out into the atmosphere and that having awareness of what we are thinking and experiencing is really important in order to overcome and change it.

We also learned about the acronym for SOS...STOP (Having the realisation/awareness), OBSERVE (What it is that you are thinking?) and STEER (Steer my thoughts in a more positive direction. For example, what are my best qualities?). Finally, we discussed the four stages of meditation. These include Relaxation (relaxing the body), Contemplating (thoughts are taking a positive turn e.g. I am happy, I am peaceful), Concentration (just experiencing or feeling), Realisation (deep internal stillness and having very few thoughts). http://brahmakumaris.org.au/events/...

On Tuesday afternoon, I went to a Christmas in July social function with the Narre Warren Walking Group at Cardinia Park Hotel in Beaconsfield. I was still feeling a bit restless from last night but getting out was exactly what I needed. The bistro was pretty cozy though the heater was on full blast and making me more drained than usual. The two long tables were buzzing with conversation and it seemed like everyone was happy to see Mum and myself there.

The meals were a little on the expensive side but I honestly couldn’t complain about the service or the portion size. I ordered the calarami with chips and salad. It was extremely filling to say the least. The conversations around me where polite and I did try to engage with a few of them but it was hard maintaining my focus. I find staying in large social groups to be exhausting after a certain period of time and I was ready to leave by the 1.5-2 hour mark. Still I’m glad I came. http://www.cardiniaparkhotel.com.au/...

On Tuesday night, I drove down to my friend Michael McLaren’s place in Bayswater to pick up my Oceans To Athena hoodie. Most people would think I’m either nuts or dedicated driving 45 minutes to an hour just to pick up some merch but I had another reason for coming down. Social connection. Something that’s been really lacking in my life lately. So the long drive didn’t bother me at all and I knew how to get there, considering it was very close the The Barn Live.

I chilled out in Michael’s living room with his girlfriend Holly, roommate and his friendly dog Obi. The wall heater was on and I was sipping on a cup of green lemon tea whilst listening to the conversations. I didn’t stay too long as I intended to go to my Body Balance class straight after. However, when I was driving back to Narre Warren, I was feeling noticeably drained and worn out. Plus the peak-hour traffic didn’t help matters. Even if I did make it in time, I’d be rushing to get there and honestly it wasn’t worth the stress. Sometimes it’s better to listen to your body and do what’s best for you at the time.

On Wednesday morning, I attended my Restorative yoga class with Kim Lousada at Now, Yoga.. Honestly, I haven’t really been functioning well the last couple of days. My sleep patterns have been terrible. I’ve been feeling unmotivated, restless and worn out. And I’ve also been feeling quite down and depressed about my life. So this class was exactly what I needed today. To walk out of that studio feeling revitalized, refreshed and joyful. It’s the reason why I continue to do yoga because of all the benefits I get out of it. http://nowyoga.net.au/

Today we did a series of supported variations of poses including pigeon pose, wide legged forward fold, side stretches and butterfly pose using bolsters, blocks and blankets. My hips were noticeably tight and so pigeon pose really helped in opening up that area and increasing the stretch. I didn’t go too deep with it today but it still felt good. Kim used a quote from Bruce Lee about “becoming like water” which means adapting to changes in life. She also read the quote “This too shall pass”, which is a Persian adage referring to feelings and mental states not being permanent. http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/163...

On Thursday. Mum and I spent the day out in the city together. Firstly, we had an 11.30am reservation at the NGV The Tea Room for tea and lunch. We ordered the devonshire tea with scones plus a selection of finger sandwiches and two desserts. It’s not very often that we dine in style so we made the most of it.

Next, we queued up to purchase tickets to the Van Gogh and the Seasons at NGV inside the Great Hall. The queue was ridiculously long but that was no surprise considering the exhibition ends this week and it’s also the school holidays. It took us just over an hour to get to the front of the line but I bemused myself by overhearing conversations around me and checking out some male eye candy.

The exhibition began with a short video explaining the life and a brief history of Vincent Van Gogh. He was born in Zundert, Netherlands on 30 March, 1853. Starting out as an art dealer, he soon followed in his father’s footsteps in turning to religion and becoming a Protestant missionary in Belgium. However, this venture was short-lived as his true passion for painting quickly emerged in 1881. His brother Theo supported him both financially and compassionately during his art career.

In 1886, Van Gogh moved to Paris, getting himself involved in the avant garde and impressionist movements. His paintings were heavily influenced by the likes of Emile Bernard, Paul Gauguin and Claude Monet. Van Gogh suffered from mental disorders including depression, loneliness, social isolation and several psychotic episodes. This lead to a fight with Gauguin, which resulted in him chopping off his own ear. He was later admitted to Saint Remy, a local psychiatric asylum, before shooting himself in the chest with a revolver and dying in 1890.

In terms of his artwork collection, the exhibition was divided up into four sections representing each of the seasons: Autumn, Winter, Spring and Summer. Van Gogh correlated each season with particular moods, feelings, colours, people, animals, flowers and other landscape features. Autumn featured large trees and woodland as well as shades of browns and oranges. Winter featured dark renderings, shadowy figures in snow fields and willowy peach trees. Spring featured blossoming orchards, cows and farm workers. Summer featured wheat fields and varying tones of yellow. Van Gogh also did a series of still life paintings featuring vases containing sunflowers, roses, poppies and irises as well as collections of fruit. https://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/exhibiti...

On Friday morning, I had my counselling session with Ruth at Piece Together Counselling in Narre Warren. I decided to invite my mum along again today for support. Today I talked about how unmotivated and low I’ve been feeling this week. Beginning with my PT session with Luke on Monday, I had the courage to speak up about what truly motivates me and be assertive about it. Both my mental state and the colder weather has affected me as my energy levels have quickly depleted during the day. Physically, I just haven’t felt like going out at night unless I really had to.

Mum was also really concerned about how I’m going to cope being alone in the house next week while she and Rod are in Queensland for their anniversary. At least I’ve managed to put a few plans in place for myself like my Movie Night, PT sessions, yoga, fitness classes, meditation, art galleries, gigs, reading and puzzles. Plus I’ll be cooking for myself which I’m sure I’ll manage. I’m just going to stick to easy to prepare meals with few ingredients. It doesn’t have to be Masterchef.

On Friday afternoon, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. I was rushing from place to place all morning and had no time to slow down, relax and have lunch. Plus a lot of negative stuff was building up inside of me and had to be released somehow. Honestly, I did have good intentions walking into today’s session but everything just quickly went downhill fast during my workout.

WARM-UP...Today I started by doing some standing forward bends, stretching into the sides and touching my toes. Yoga really has helped in regards to improving my flexibility. Next, I had to do 3 rounds of 8 single arm kettle bell deadlifts, essentially going into a Warrior 3 pose and having to balance my leg behind me. My balance was pretty terrible today but I kept trying and eventually got the hang of it.

DEVELOPMENT...Today I worked on my deadlifts again, this time doing 5 rounds of 3 at 90kg. Luke was giving me plenty of hints in order to correct my posture and technique whilst lifting. I was trying so hard not to take these critiques personally but my mental illness proved stronger today. I was starting to get frustrated and impatient with myself but my lifts were improving with each round and I tried hard to make each rep count.

WORKOUT...Today I used a Strongman Yoke for the first time, which is essentially a large metal frame that can be loaded up with plates. At first I was doing okay and slowly adjusting to the swaying motion of the side bars. I was finding it difficult to keep myself centered whilst lifting it up and also trying to pace myself with the walk. When it came to the last reps of the workout, I was lifting around 80kg or so and it was getting really tough on my neck and shoulders.

The physical and mental pressures were both bubbling up inside of me and I was ready to explode. I couldn’t shut my negative thoughts off (That’s not good enough, Don’t drop the frame, You’re a failure) and then it came out: I AM NOT A FUCKING FAILURE! I made a beeline to the nearest box and sat down, hands over my face, shedding a river of tears. I felt so embarrassed in that moment a) for letting the pressure get to me and b) for making such an uncharacteristic outburst in front of Luke.

The truth was that I was really angry at myself and I basically letting my mental illness off for interfering during my workout. I’d had enough. Part of me was also trying way too hard to please Luke and not disappoint him. I wanted to be “good enough” in his eyes and yet I felt like I couldn’t do anything right today. He assured me that I should be happy with the effort I put in but of course I wasn’t in the mindset to believe him or care. I just want you to be proud of me. I’m sorry that I failed you.

On Friday night, I attended my RPM class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. This was a very last minute decision as I felt like I needed some high intensity exercise tonight rather than sitting at home or going out to a gig and replaying today’s events over and over in my head. I needed to release these internal demons and rid myself of this “I’m not good enough” mindset bouncing around inside my head. I needed to feel better about myself mentally.

Tonight’s class was instructed by Matt who was filling in for Natalie Blanch. It was a mixture of releases 40 and 72 which included the tracks Seal - If It’s In My Mind, It’s On My Face, Jennifer Lopez - Do It Well, The Cranberries - Zombie, Seven Lions - Falling Away and Andrew Rayel - Rise Of An Era. It was hitting around 70-80RPM for the easy ride sections, up to 85RPM for the standing cycle sections and 110-130RPM for the racing sections. http://w3.lesmills.com/israel/en/cl...

I immersed myself fully in the workout, taking in the trance and club songs as I was pedaling and imagining the cycle studio becoming something like a nightclub with green laser lights and DJ’s on the decks. It’s amazing what exercise can do for the mind and body. I was able to quieten those loud negative thoughts from earlier today and just focus on cycling. I always seem to sweat heaps in these classes which is a really good thing because it means I’m working hard. https://greatist.com/fitness/13-awe...

[survivoremathia]

Rites of Passage

Ali: We never got to play together, but I hope we can do so in the future and align, or more appropriately align-us :)

Trevor: My robbed child. I was really hoping I would get to play with you.  

Lydia: It's a bummer you were the first boot, I'd heard a lot about you

Owen:  MY FRIEND. Coming into this game after having recently hosted you I really did want to work together. Unfortunately you weren't really around the first few days and that didn't work out. I hope we get a second chance soon!!

Ali: I never got to talk to you that much about why you quit and I was sad when you did! I hope someday in the future, you’ll have more time to commit to a game, and will be able to experience the wild and wonderful ride that I never expected to experience, as a GB Survivor fan. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Lydia: It's a shame you didn't have time to play, you should come back when you have more.

Owen:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Ali: The mysterious quiet person in the Odysseus tribe. I hope everything is okay, and that whatever the personal reasons were that were preventing you from being able to play have subsided. You were the only person alphabetically before me on the wiki, and when you left, you gave me such consistent anxiety, as I’d open the wiki and on the cast list with placements, I’d always be right underneath the previous boot and thought I’d gone home :)

Lydia: I hope that everything worked out for you, and life is going a bit easier now. 

Owen:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Ali: Whew. We probably jumped the gun in voting you out, you were the scary mix of quiet but strategically intimidating. I was keeping up with ‘Great Lakes’ and was SO proud to see you kill it all the way to F6! If you had to be taken out by a 3-2-1 vote, it shows the threat you’d become. I’d love to play with you again and I hope to fulfill the prophecy you said in your last message, that a ‘newb will bring it home’.

Trevor: You already have a reputation even though you had barely started your first game when this one started.  You were too much of a threat to have around so we took you out while we had your fate within our grasp. 

Lydia: Our few short conversations were pretty fun.  You're certainly a kid with an abundance of character. 

Owen - Good job in Great Lakes you're in the sixth place fam now :')

Ali: I never got to play with you either, would’ve loved to though. All I can think of is some joke to do with ‘c-hole-in-one’, but I don’t how to put a golf joke into this? How can I put it… Or rather, PUTT it. Problem? Solved.

Trevor: Colin!! I really loved getting to meet you. I felt we connected well on our original tribes and I'm sorry to have abandoned you.  I was shocked when you were voted out but it was a HUGE sign to me and helped me know how to play later in the game. 

Lydia: We never really got to play together, which is a bummer because I'm still dying to know what a Space Gay is.  Also you had a+ taste in survivors. Maybe next time. 

Owen:  YOU WERE ACTUALLY ROBBED IM SORRY THEY DID YOU DIRTY LIKE THAT!?!? Another angel fallen TOO SOON wow. Bring Colin back for all stars.

Ali: Eddie, I still feel so guilty for what I did to you! You need a Survivor Athena r-ed(die)-emption. That was a stretch, I apologise for that lmao! :) Thank you for being apart of one of the craziest tribals of my whole experience (and arguably my favourite). Please don’t hate me, you seemed super nice :)

Trevor: You're A scary player.  Our talk before the mutiny was a big part of what led me to leave the tribe. I could tell you weren't being completely honest and I knew after that I may be in trouble on that tribe.  Glad the game didn't harm our repaired friendship though. 

Lydia: My only regret in this game is that I didn't get to vote you out myself.  Sucks to suck. 

Owen - I was never on a tribe with you but I hope you have a nice day. 

Ali: Welp. We never got to speak all that much, but you seemed super nice. You may not’ve won the Pictionary you were playing with your family, but you won a place in my heart :)

Trevor: I still don't understand why you didn't talk to people.  You doomed yourself.  #TheLastEasyVote

Lydia: I wish we could have talked more! I never seemed to be able to catch you at a good time. 

Owen -  I WAS on a tribe with you but it never felt like it!!!!! Thank you for being an easy vote for us and I hope everything is alright.

Ali: I never got to play with you either, and it sucks that you went premerge as a former winner, but it’s indicative of the threat you were. If an All Stars series happens, I’d love to see your third chance, or really second chance, as your second game wasn’t a second chance, seeming as you won the first time , but your third game would be your second chance on your second game whew. That explanation? Pretty unnecessary, but anywho :P

Trevor: Coming into this season as a former winner you had a huge target on your back.  I did enjoy getting to play with you and I think we could have actually worked together for a while.  But knowing the merge was coming I did not think it would be good if you and Duncan were able to team back up. 

Lydia: I was excited to get to play with you! Which is ironic because I know I voted you out, but you felt incredibly well connected at the time which made you an unquestionably dangerous, but also speaks to you as a player. 

Owen: Wowowowowowowow I think you were the only former winner on this cast and that should've made you an instant target but you survived for a while. I think that and your relationship with Duncan probably did you in. I'm glad we are hosting together tho and we are still pals! 

Ali: Like I say, you were rob-bed. I am so sorry you went home premerge, one of my few regrets in my game. I’m pleased you made jury, and really good luck with hosting ‘Death Valley’. I’ll CERTAINLY be watching :)

Trevor: Coming in from only knowing each other as Lake and Geo I didn't know how we would work in this game. Ultimately we didn't really get to play together at all but I was glad to see you go before the merge because I saw you as a huge threat to my game. 

Lydia: We were never on the same tribe and don't think we ever had a conversation, but I hope you're having an excellent day!

Owen:  I don't think I ever met you either that was all the sketchy idol and stuff I don't know but Rest In Peace.

Ali: I was in exile when you quit the game, and was really sad to hear that you quit when I came back :( I think after I played Guess Who with you and Sam at like 3am my time, I was bonded to you forever! Your memes will be in my memeory forever! :)

Trevor: I was probably most pleasantly surprised by you in this game. I loved getting to work with you and I'm glad I was able to convince you to mutiny with me.  When I saw you left the game I knew I was losing a true ally but I hope everything in your personal life is going better now.  

Lydia: Whatever reason had you leave this game I really do hope it's all sorted out now.  I know you were overall a really loyal but risk taking player and I gotta say I appreciate that. 

Owen:  I don't know the terms surrounding your quit, but if something happened I hope it is better now and if you were just busy I hope you're finding time to relax real life is important!!!!!! Cool.

Ali: My second British comrade! We didn’t talk that much either, but you should be super proud of surviving the two swap tribals you attended, when you were seemingly an obvious target! I hope, like George, you’ll be able to play another game, where you can dedicate more time! I will try and represent Team GB, but hopefully not like in the Beijing 2008 Olympics, where GB came fourth medals wise. I don’t wanna curse myself like that!

Trevor: Ooooo scott. Wow.  It took about three rounds of being on the same tribe before you finally talked to me lol. I knew no one else was talking to you so I used that to my advantage to steer your vote where I wanted for the next two rounds. Then at merge you disappeared again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.  With the amount of strikes you got I hope you're not a baseball player. 

Lydia: You were honestly a really likable person, I think if you had been able to really get your focus here you could have been a force to be reckoned with.

Owen:  HSJSHSJSJS WHAT AN ICON?????? I think we all knew you'd be removed and the strategy actually became like....working around your inevitable med evac rather than working around/with you as an actual player. Thanks for writing my name down at that one tribal :') rock on

Ali: Whew, Matt. One of the major tribals of this season was your vote out. You came into this game with such (m)att-ack and fire, that you were quite scary! Even though you went first post-merge, your impact on the merge game certainly never died out! Even now, people are talking about what you said and the things you told the players about who are threats, come F3. Holey ‘Moly’ (too soon?), you certainly left your mark! 

Trevor: Coming to the merge I really didn't know if you being there would be a good thing or a bad thing. I felt like our friendship would be something that would bring us together but I wasn't sure where your head was at game wise.  After talking a little I felt like we were on the same page and that we could maneuver the votes as a pair at least for a few rounds. once I heard you were coming for me, the head of the snake had to be cut.

Lydia: This is going to sound so fake but I swear I really mean it.  Deciding I wanted to vote you out was actually very difficult for me.  You were one of the first friends I made outside of my first season in this community and I had wanted to play a game with you for awhile.  But then All Stars happened and that was rough, and this just really felt too soon afterwards to really build trust or play well together.  Maybe that was a misjudgment on my part, and believe me, I'm really sorry if it was.  It's not your fault you scare the shit out of me in games, but you play with such ferocity and unpredictability that I feel like you are always a serious threat to me. 

Owen:  I'm not sure why we never seem to click in games but I've known you/known of you for a long time and you're a legend!! Sorry we ended up on different sides of the battle once again. 

Ali: Welp, we really spoke all that much, except for me giving you the number for that password challenge, when I said what rhymes with four hundred and eighty knee. Well, what rhymes with purer slumber door shoe gauze mobbed and that’s my thoughts :)

Trevor: I'm looking forward to confessionals to see if you really were playing under the radar or if you had a lot more going on. I felt like after lying to you about the Jay vote that you just would not trust me again.  Plus you tried to vote me out :P. Your connection to Ryan was scary and that is a main factor in your ultimate downfall. 

Lydia: Remember when I was so siked to finally officially meet you and play a game together?  I really didn't take advantage of that.  Unfortunately if I didn't have people target you, they would have targeted Ryan and I was captain of #TeamSaveRyan at that point.  I know we didn't talk very much but I still feel like we had some good moments.

Owen:  I enjoyed working with you in the beginning and actually getting to talk and play together for once!! I'm forever mad at Trevor for declining TAR All Stars bc you're a cool host and a cool dude. I think our trajectory was similar to mine and Matt's where we ultimately ended up separated. But I liked the few conversations we were able to have!

Ali: It was tragic that you went home. You bequeathed me an idol, that I fudged up with (sowwy!)! You’re one of the people I really hope to be friends with postseason. Like I said to Isaac, playing ‘Guess Who’ at that ungodly time bonded me to y’all forever. I hope the tribe’s overall prophecy is correct, and you do play on the real Survivor some day! :) 

Trevor: I'm writing this one last because it is definetly the hardest.  When the game started you were the only person on my tribe that I felt good about.  I knew we had a little rocky history but you were still one of my friends and I just had a feeling I could trust you.  I always pick one person in these games that I tell everything to, and since I didn't know if I would ever meet up with owen or Lydia, that person became you. I was relieved when we still ended up on the same tribe after the mutiny and you were still the person I told everything to, even with picking up Lydia on the new tribe.  When I found my idol you were the first to know because I was giddy and so excited to tell you.  I feel like this game repaired any cracks that there may have been in our friendship and I don't see anything changing after the game.  You're an amazing person and I want to say thank you for giving me a chance to prove I'm not an asshole.  Voting you out sucked and I hope you'll understand why it was necessary. Talk to you soon.

Lydia -  I had heard so much about that I was so excited to see you cast! And holy shit did you leave you mark on this game.  I really thought that you and me were going to be teaming up but it just didn't seem to be working out that way.  I think we both were fighting for the same allies and that put us in opposition.  I really did like talking to you though the few times we were really on together. You've got a very magnetic personality and if our roles were switched I would have enjoyed watching the rest if your game play out. If I see you playing in anything else you know you've got a stan in me.

Owen -  MY OTHER CHILD DHDJDJ WOWOWOWOW I wanted to work with you more than anybody else in this game and I told you that as soon as we merged. I don't think you ever fully trusted me though because whenever we talked game you gave zero information except for the one time we were both being fake af lol. I imagined us going further together than we actually did. Still, you're a great player and a great friend and I can't wait for our band to become famous and we can leave all these survivor nerds behind. Looking forward to seeing you on tv in the fall for Survivor 35!!! Xoxoxo 

Ali: Whew. I’m really sorry you didn’t make F3 this time :( You were a major power player this season though, and I really feel like if it wasn’t for the live tribal craziness, you would’ve gone all the way once again. I really appreciate all the advice you gave me during the season, and I’ll make sure to apply it, for when I play again!

Trevor: If I had to pick one word to describe our game together it would be: awkward.  It started when you said you would only align with me for Owens sake. And went on to you saying things like when I thanked you for not voting for me and you said "I didn't do it for you" lol. I always found it laughable because it seemed like things you were thinking but shouldn't have said aloud. I knew I was never really part of your plans and eventually the fact that I knew everything you were doing through owen wasn't valuable enough for you to stay. 

Lydia -  God it was so great meeting you for the first time in this game.  Getting to know you was like reuniting with an old friend from this past summer who I hadn't talked to since.  Strange. Anyways, it's always really unfortunate when someone gets voted off simply because they were friends with a threat. Honestly, I really didn't want to be a part of this vote but logically it was the most reasonable thing to do besides voting out Owen, which believe me, I tried to sell that.  It's safe to say that in both games we played together you ended up being one of my favorite people, you are a really enjoyable energy to have around.  I hope we gave a third chance and can really team up for once.

Owen -  I dreaded the day that I would have to either side with you or side with Trevor. I hope I proved to you through my actions at the final nine that I really did put everything I had into keeping you here as long as I could. Even though you kick my ass at 8 ball on the daily :'( I'm sorry that it was you and not me that became the causality of our alliance. Thanks for having my back again this time around and know that one day we WILL make a final two together. <3 

Ali: After ‘Tea Time with Ryan’, I thought I’d never EVER want to play or even talk to you again. Having said that, by the time you went at F7, I’d had a complete 180 with you. That’s sorta why you had to go though, that’d happened with lots of people! Your gameplay and the underdog narrative you would’ve had at F3 were super scary! I hope to experience another ‘Tea Time with Ryan’ in the future but hopefully I’m not on the receiving end this time :)

Trevor: I admire you. I've always looked up to you a lot as a leader outside the game and try and emulate a lot of your dedication to the community.  For the last little while I always felt like perhaps maybe I bothered you and I had trouble knowing if you actually liked me or maybe I just misinterpreted things you said.  When the game started and we were swapped to the same tribe I was excited to work with you.  And I felt a nice change from our conversations outside the game.  We talked more and I truly felt like you were excited to talk to me.  When I found out you were working with matt to plot my demise I was slightly hurt because I REALLY wanted to trust you.  After that all went down I didn't know if you would even want to talk to me anymore. I'm glad we had that talk we did at final 9.  And it was also nice when we brought the fam back together.  Your vote off was a really low point in this game.  I hope we can still be friends when this is over. 

Lydia - Ryan Titty Palmer- I'm still SO MAD.  No one believes me when I say this but you actually were my closest ally in this game and the one I had the most fun working with.  We should be here together rn, this is a fucking tragedy.  Our few calls were probably the highlight of this game for me (just in terms of enjoyment, not really success because...obviously).  Anyways I'm glad we finally got to play together, I know you've played like 100 but since this is probably the last one for both of us for awhile, I just feel blessed. I know you already know it, but you're the best Ryan. You have the best attitude about games and kept me laughing every round even when you tried to fuck me over.  You're a fighter. Honestly, lets be best friends????

Owen -  Wow my dad!!! You're another person I wanted to play with since we have been friends for a while and we haven't gotten to be together in Survivor. It was truly a wild ride :') From siding together through premerge to making the fam to your going rogue and then back to the fam and then ultimately the round we went different ways, I'm glad we had our own SURVIVOR STORY to share and I hope we can keep talking in our draft chat after the season is over.

Ali: You went on such a journey this season. Be that with your gender identity, that you beat your Survivor record and that you lasted 7 more rounds, after all the other attendees at the 4 person Olympus tribal had gone home. I’ve learnt SO much from you about gender identity and I wish you luck at school and in your future. I have LOVED meeting you, I think you’re truly so inspiring. To end with a tennis analogy, you served it up this season! :)

Trevor: We came into this game with a rough history.  But I wanted to get to know Logan.  After leaving our starting tribe and then not meeting up again until merge, we never really got to start talking until merge time.  I was mildly surprised when we worked well together and weren't actually targetting each other.  After a certain point in the game I really thought we would go to the final 3 together but that all ended at final 7.  It still kind of saddens me that you never even answered my messages after that vote. Hope you're doing well, bro. 

Lydia -  I am really sorry you got caught in the middle the way you did.  It's not what you deserved or what I wanted to happen.  Unfortunately, it was my idea and my push to go that direction because I believed it was the safest decision, so I am truly sorry for that. I feel like you are one of those rare people that cares more about making friends and relationships in these games than winning, and there's nothing wrong with that.  In fact you deserve credit for it, it's not always easy.  You are just honestly a kind and good person.  I feel like that might be why we have some communication hiccups because I'm a disaster of a human and in general an asshole.  Anyways, people like you are rare and we should protect you.

Owen - I think coming into the season we both maybe had some pre-existing misconceptions about each other based on what we had heard in the past or our different relationships with Trevor. I'm really surprised at how quickly we were able to find a place with one another and rock it out for a few rounds. I got to see a side of you in this game that I don't think a lot of people realized. You strategized just as much as others, you had a plan and helped make decisions and carried out things you had in mind. We constantly bounced ideas off of each other and I don't think either of us couldn't have gotten as far as we did without the help of the other. Thanks for being my main dude the last few rounds! We did that :')

Ali: My F2, my ride or die. I was so crushed to see you go last tribal. We’ve had quite the bumpy newbie ride this season. You were the one I trusted most, that I talked all about strategy with, that I would joke with and I almost wish you were here at F4 instead of me. It’s been a distinct pleasure to play with you this season and I hope we can stay friends in this game and beyond.

Trevor: My Canadian buddy!  You welcomed me with open arms when I mutinied to your tribe and I am still very thankful for that.  Our alliance is still my favorite of the game and it was a shame when I realized that it was falling apart.  I was honest with you until that point, always was, because I didn't want to lose your trust. I'm glad we were able to mend fences before you left.  Good luck in your future games :)

Lydia -  Well...we had a roller coaster of a relationship didn't we?  I know it probably felt like it was easy for me to do what I did but it wasn't.  I did take my role as your mentor really seriously for the first half of this game and I loved watching you and Ali take my advice, and grow.  Maybe I just hated watching you two making moves for yourself.  I know that we fundamentally disagree about a few things, and I believe there is some legit miscommunication between us in terms of what happened and who made who feel what.  But I never lost respect for you, and I never wanted to make you feel disposable as an alliance  member.  I'm grateful that I got put on your tribe and got to meet you, and really do hope that we can be friends after this game.

Owen -  Both you and Ali were a breath of fresh air in this game!! To me, a lot of Survivor is about creating bonds with new people and actually getting to make friends and relationships. There's no prize money so what else is there to get out of it?? We didn't talk much until the end but like I said, I appreciated our last minute twenty questions session and I'd like to do it again some time. Thank you for being there for me when things got a little rough.