#The end of the month officially starts on the 15th when all the bills are taken out of the bank account 💸 😵‍💫

[fairydustedtheory]

-

[shelby-love]

KELLY SEVERIDE

“Love overcomes it all”

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warnings: angsty but with a cute happy ending

Authors note: this is from season 2 episode 1 events 

“You’re lying to me.” You sob. Tears are spilling down your cheeks in angry waves.

Kelly Severide, your boyfriend, just told you things are over between you two because he is going to be a father to a baby that’s not yours.

It felt like your heart was crushed in your chest at the thought of him leaving you just because he’s going to be a father. If he loved you like he always said then he wouldn’t leave you.

“Y/N she’s pregnant with my kid,” Kelly kept his eyes steady, resting on your face.

You stayed rooted in your spot, you moved your hair softly away from your cheek that had become so much more prominent with color after the angry streak of tears. Your features buckled just slightly before you spoke. “We can work this out Kelly.”

He’s breaking this cycle of love you two have not because he’s going to have a kid but because he wants to be with the mother of his child. In a messed up way he thinks she deserves his love more than you just because she’s carrying his unborn child.

The situation with Shay and him was different than the current one with Renee and he knew it too.

“No we can’t! Can’t you see Y/N?! We’re done okay? I’m done!” He yells, his temper showing through his dark facial expression.

“So we’re just going to pretend like nothing ever happened between us huh??! You and I both go to sleep together every damn night and tell each other I love you! Does that mean nothing to you?” It took you months to tell him these three simple words and even now you never tell them without truly meaning them. “Do I mean nothing to you Kelly?”

He runs his hands through his hair harshly before connecting one of them to the vase on the counter. The expensive vase flies into the wall and breaks in dozen pieces.

You gape at the man standing in front of you. “I don’t even rezognize you.”

He looks like a bomb that’s seconds away from exploding. You don’t want to believe that you’re over. He can’t just throw us away.

“You’re supposed to be happy for me goddammit!” He rages. You want to press your hands to your ears to stop his words from entering any further. Each word is like a knife through the heart. It hurts.

“If I was your sister then yes! But I’m…was your girlfriend for fucks sake!” You don’t know if the tears are falling because you’re angry or because you’re sad and heartbroken. “I wanted to be the one who starts a family with you.”

He stands speechless in front of you. Still raging but speechless. A trace of deep love sours in his eyes but you look away. “Leave.”

When he doesn’t move you cry harder, “Just leave okay?! Leave! Get out of my life forever!”

Your whole mind and body wants him to stay and fight for what you have despite your words. But he doesn’t.

He rushes past you and goes to the bedroom door.

You don’t turn around to look at him but you feel him standing there for a few moments, burning holes in your back before leaving. The door closes and your guard breaks down. You crash to the floor and sob uncontrollably.

Kelly is gone.

***

You hold the pink transfer paper in your hands and knock on your chief’s office door.

“Come in,” You hear him say and you push the door open. Chief Boden sits in his usual spots, both eyes trained on you. “What can I do for you Y/LN?”

“I’d like to transfer to a different house.” You thought this through. You imagined this exact moment millions of times and not even in one have you decided to stay. It hurts to see Kelly let alone work with him, it hurts to see Renee stand outside the house after every shift waiting for him with her big pregnant belly.

Your Chief looks surprised, “You are our paramedic in charge I don’t think-”

“Shay is perfectly capable of being the paramedic in charge, I trained her myself. And I already spoke to Chout and he’s free to be the second paramedic until you’ve found a permanent paramedic on ambulance 61 Chief.” It took you a few calls to find a replacement and a few more to find out what houses need a new paramedic. “Firehouse 47 needs a new paramedic in charge and I was thinking about transferring there.”

Wallace Boden was sad that one of the best things Firehouse 51 had was leaving and he couldn’t muster an excuse that’s good enough to make her stay.

“Very well. I’ll start the process right now,” He stood up from his chair and extended his hand to you. “It was a honor to work by your side and I’ll be lying if I said I wasn’t sad about your decision.”

You blink the tears away and shake his hand, “Trust me chief. This is for the best.”

Chief Boden nodded and dismissed you. Once out of the door you exhaled and silently cried once more.

***

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” You take off your sunglasses and throw them on the table. Your best friend Shay, also Kelly’s best friend just managed to convince you to meet him.

She attacked you in your own car and made perfect sense. Renee’s baby might not be Kelly’s and you wanted him to know about that possibility. In fact it wasn’t even a possibility and you needed him to know.

“There he is get ready,” She slapped your shoulder and you straightened up. “Be as normal as you can babe.”

A man you didn’t even know you recognize sat down across from you and got straight into business mode. “Hey. These are the last of the bills we need to split up.”

Shay let out an ‘awh that’s sad’ at that but you couldn’t react less even if you wanted to.

“So how’s the hunt for new digs going?” He asked and took a sip of his drink. Now that Kelly was off and about Shay and you were both looking for a new place.

“Good… Well be we haven’t officially started yet,” She said casually. Haven’t started because she was too busy looking for new potential dads and you were too busy leaving the firehouse.

“Wait.. Guys we have to be out of there by the 15th!” He exclaimed.

“We know, we know. We’ll make it work,” You said. It shocked Kelly how much he missed your soft voice.

“Did you and Renee find a place yet?” Shay continued to speak like she was unbothered.

“Closing in one one. It’s got a perfect baby room right next to the master.” He spoke about it so excitedly you almost felt bad for bringing this up.

“Good. Can I ask you something?” His face fell down at your words and he started fidgeting with the bill paper next to him. He answered with a yes and so you continued. “Shay told me you said the baby’s coming on Thanksgiving yea?”

Not knowing where you’re going with it he decided not to ask anything and instead answer. “Yea.”

Your mind froze and you didn’t know how to continue your interrogation without crying, so Shay continued your train of thought for you. “It’s just that ummm… Renee left February 9th? So when was the last time you guys…”

“February 9th.” He confirmed knowing immediately what Shay was asking him.

“Exactly… So the due date should be the first week of November at the latest…”

There’s a pause in the air and the two of you wait to see if Kelly gets what you’re trying to tell him.

Once he does he says, “Shay look…look I know this sucks for you, you wanted to have a baby and now I have one without you… Y/N I’m sorry we couldn’t work out okay? I’m starting a family with Renee…”

Both you and Shay start arguing and saying that that’s not the case and definitely not what you’re trying to say or prove.

“I get it. But it’s not Renee’s fault or mine and for you two to imply that it’s… It’s not mine…”

You two stay silent, “I’ll tell… I’ll tell you what. I’ll handle these. See you back at the house.” He stands up and throws the money on the table before leaving you two alone.

“That baby is not his.” Shay says as she looks at his body that’s slowly leaving the frame. “And I’m not going to let her destroy my friendship and your relationship.”

***

You put the last of your stuff in one of the boxes. You managed to find an apartment that’s close to your new house, in fact, one of your colleagues lives in the same complex building. You have two more shifts at 51 and until the second shift is over your choice can still change.

You haven’t told anyone at 51 that you’re leaving except for Shay which means Kelly doesn’t know your plans. Him not knowing is going to make your final break up a lot more easier.

You kick one of the boxes in frustration. You chant the same thing over an over in your head, No more crying Y/N.

The creek of the door startles you and you look at the door. Kelly stands there, not moving a muscle. Kelly and you seemed to have a silent conversation as you stared into each others eyes. You finally look away, tears threatening to blurr your vision, when a hand encircled yours. It was soft and warm as if the owner of that hand sensed your sadness and desperation.

“Y/N,” You almost break down at the sound of his voice. “I’m so sorry.”

You once again stare back into the eyes you love so much, “You really mean that?”

The tears in his eyes confirmed everything you needed to know. The baby wasn’t his.

His lips turned up into a tiny sincere smile, as he held you tightly to his body. “Yes, I do.” He whispered, capturing your lips into a kiss that felt just right.

You pull away dazed and hungry for more. You don’t understand how you could ever try to say goodbye to those kisses.

“I love you Y/N. I love you so much,” He whispers. “I want to start a family with you. If you’ll have me back of course.”

“Kelly…” You don’t know where to start. Both of you have hurt each other but your love overcomes it all. You know this relationship is worth a second shot. “I love you too.”

The smile that breaks out on his face melts you completely. He brings his lips once more to yours into a passionate kiss that always led to something more.

Looks like firehouse 47 is going to have to wait until they get a new paramedic.

[pcwpolwrestling]

PCW-The Return

How did we get here?

Extreme Election Night 2020 Preview December 27, 2020 Preview of PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2020 -15th Anniversary Celebration -The 2020 Year in Review -Donald Trump vs. Joe Biden

PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One December 31, 2020 –Donald Trump and Joe Biden both interview for the PCW CEO position -ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) -SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance) -PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2020-Part Two January 4, 2021 -ALABAMA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) vs. Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) -HOUSE WAR GAMES MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots -MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) vs. John James (American Patriots) -MAIN EVENT #1/PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots) -MAIN EVENT #2/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels w/PCW CEO candidate Joe Biden, Aide de Camp candidate Kamala Harris (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott w/PCW CEO Donald Trump, Aide de Camp Mike Pence (American Patriots) -Who will be named the new CEO of PCW?  Donald Trump or Joe Biden.

Riot Breaks Out at PCW Show January 10, 2021 -‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, Charlie Blackwell, and the Vice Squad’s General DeBauchery rescue Dawn McGill and race to Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon -Colleen Crowder celebrates Joe Biden’s win and the success of the Progressive Alliance at Extreme Election Night 2020 -GEORGIA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff (Progressive Alliance) vs. Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue (American Patriots) -PCW CEO Donald Trump promo -Kevin Scott interview -Kevin Daniels interview -PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels (Progressive Alliance) © vs. ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott (American Patriots)

Replay of The End of PCW Extreme Political TV – January 10th, 2021 After rescuing Dawn McGill and driving back to Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon for the show, ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and McGill arrive at Hack’s to find it in ruins following the riot that took place.  McGill gets a sinking stomach in her stomach and mutters ‘Oh my God.’  McAvay tells the officer Dawn McGill is the owner of PCW and the officer motions to them to park the car away from the building. After Ray parks the car, he and Dawn walk towards Hack’s they begin to see the full scope of damage.  Broken windows.  Glass all over the place.  Chairs, tables broken in the parking lot.

They reach the entrance and look inside.  Ray says they ‘trashed the place.’  Tables and chair strewn all over.  The wrestling ring destroyed.  Broken light fixtures.  Glass all over the floor.  Beer and alcohol all over the floor.  The owner of the bar meets Dawn in the foyer and explains like other small businesses thanks to COVID they were in trouble already.  He works hard.  Does the right things.  Makes the right choices.  And this happens.  McGill tries to apologize to him.  He just shakes his head and hands her a torn up contract.  McGill peers down at the remnants of the document in her hands. Then it gets worse.

Coke Brothers (David and Charles), George Moros- big money political financiers, the founder of the Alan Lincolns Project Alan Lincolns, and Big Tech’s Jack Buckenberg- CEO of Facetwitogram approach Dawn.  Moros refers to Dawn’s relatively disheveled appearance and says ‘aren’t you a sight’ to her. McGill’s face turns beet red and she tells Moros he knows damn well what happened.  His goons kidnapped and held her hostage for two months.

Moros replies all everyone saw on video was McGill running out on the show at Extreme Election Night and demands proof of the ‘kidnapping’ or else this just is another wild, baseless accusation.

Dawn goes to leap at Moros but McAvay stops her.  Moros has a sick grin on his face.  He tells her it’s over and she’s through.  The Republicans and Democrats are both on board and they’re partnering with their new best friend Jack Buckenberg for a new political wrestling show that will be headed by someone you know and love.

Out of the smoke and rubble of the interior of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon walks the ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann- McGill and PCW’s long-time nemesis.  McAvay mutters ‘son of a bitch’ to himself.   McGill?  She says not him… anyone but him.  McMann goes up to McGill.  He smiles and tells her she’s really let herself go.  Again, McGill starts to make an aggressive move forward.  Again, McAvay pulls her back.  McMann brags that it took sixteen years but he’s finally won.  Game over.

Then Buckenberg delivers the coup de grace. He tells McGill consider PCW deplatformed.

A few minutes later…McGill, McAvay, and ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave watch Mr. McMann- backed by The Coke Brothers, George Moros, and Alan Lincolns- give an impromptu press conference attended by The Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves: Colleen Crowder-New York Times, Sharon Johns-CNN, Bill Smithers-Fox News, Hallie Reed-MSNBC, and Dan Miller-Washington Post.  Suave muses that the writer of the movie ‘The Running Man’ may have called the transformation of politics, society, and culture right on the money.  A dejected McGill notes the enthusiastic applause coming from the Guild of Low Level Media people to McMann’s remarks.

Dawn McGill: So this is how liberty dies… with thunderous applause.

Dawn McGill’s House- Wednesday January 20th, 2021 Seated in her favorite comfy chair, munching on a bowl of popcorn and drinking whiskey from a glass on an adjacent table, wearing her favorite sweatshirt and blue jeans, feet propped up on the entertainment stand complete with freshly painted red toenails shining in the light from the nearby lamp, Dawn watches the newly returned Political Wrestling Universe’s Blue Brand aka…PWU Political Shakedown show- live from Washington, D.C.

What’s happening?  The official installation of Joe Biden as the new CEO of PCW.

Dawn pops a few pieces of popcorn into her mouth and reflects on what’s happened over the past three months: -the return of PCW and Extreme Election Night 2020- a night where the Progressive Alliance swept everything and took full control of the PCW Executive Committee.   -her abduction at the hands of the big money financiers of both the Progressive Alliance (George Moros) and American Patriots (The Coke Brothers), aided and abetted by Alan Lincoln’s Project, during Extreme Election Night and subsequent detention for almost two months before The Deplorables came to her rescue. -the riot that took place at Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon that destroyed the spiritual home of PCW for over 15 years which leads to the return of ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and the end of PCW.

Sighing, she watches the star-studded, Hollywood-style production on TV and notices the heavy security on hand.  She saw troops from the Space Force dressed in white and black with white helmets to usher in the beginning of new CEO of PCW Joe Biden’s tenure, the new CEO of PCW is delivering his acceptance speech.

Biden stands behind the podium.  His wrinkled seventy-six year old face is covered in a dark shroud and his hands occasionally shoot out bolts of force lightning when he gesticulates…okay, maybe it doesn’t but still…

Joe Biden (from the television): People, supporters of Political Championship Wrestling, today we mark a transition. For years, PCW stood as the conduit for people who were fed up with the status quo, fed up with politics as usual.  But there were those within our fan base who would set us against one another for we never suspected that the greatest threat came from within.  These “supporters” conspired to create a shadow of doubt on my appointment aided and abetted by the previous PCW CEO.

Dawn stuffs another piece of popcorn into her mouth.

Joe Biden: The riot two and a half weeks ago left PCW scarred and deformed.  But I can assure you my resolve has never been stronger. The war is over.  The Trumpists been defeated, and the rebellion…… er…… I mean…… insurrection has been foiled. We stand on the threshold of a new beginning.  With that in mind, in order to ensure the security and continuing stability and for a safe and secure society, Political Championship Wrestling will be reorganized into the Political Wrestling Universe and PCW will cease to exist.

Another sigh.  Dawn then reaches over and takes a sip of whiskey.

Joe Biden: By bringing the political universal under our enlightened guidance, the corruption that plagued PCW in the past few years under the ownership of Dawn McGill will never take root ever again.

McGill rolls her eyes and chucks a piece of popcorn at the TV.

Biden then puts on what appears to be the same Infinity Gauntlet that Donald Trump used last year to end the Red and Blue Brand shows.

What Infinity Gauntlet you may ask?

[REPLAY: 5/2/2019-Extreme Political TV-Donald Trump (R-NY)] The CEO of Political Championship Wrestling Donald Trump explains why the Red Brand and Blue Brand went dark, shows were cancelled, and why PCW ran replays of shows from ten years ago over the past two weeks. Short and to the point, Trump states the current method of doing business with three brands wasn’t working so, he felt it was time to make a change.

Trump reaches under the podium and pulls out an Infinity Gauntlet (ie…the very same Infinity Gauntlet featured in the recent Avengers movie). He places said Infinity Gauntlet on his right hand. Trump raises his hand in the air.

Then he attaches a red stone to the gauntlet. Then he snaps his fingers and says Red Brand is no more. The press- except for most of the Fox News contingent – let out a loud cheer.

Trump then attaches a blue stone to the gauntlet and snaps his fingers and proclaims the Blue Brand. No more. The press- except for most of the Fox News contingent – groan.

Then Trump attaches a white and black stone with PCW written on it to the gauntlet. But this time he doesn’t snap his fingers. Trump announces he’d made PCW owner Dawn McGill a generous offer for PCW that sets her up for life and she accepted.

Cut back to Dawn’s living room.

Joe Biden: With this Infinity Gauntlet, with one snap of my fingers I brought back the Blue Brand show and here all of you are watching PWU’s Political Shakedown show.  Also with one snap of my fingers, I brought back the Red Brand show- PWU’s Politico War – which will return next Monday night.

Biden pauses for applause.

Joe Biden: Under our New Order, our most cherished beliefs will be safeguarded. We will defend our ideals by force of arms.

Behind Biden, George Moros, The Coke Brothers, the CEO of Facetwitogram Jack Buckenberg, and the founder of the Alan Lincolns Project- Alan Lincolns, all approve and applaud.

The camera then focuses in on Berkeley, California professor- Professor McCarthy- and his Flock: -The Green World Order: GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA -The Young Jerks: Zenk Cryger, James Idaho, and Anna -Code Pink, and Emily S. List

The Flock also applaud Biden’s speech and Professor McCarthy wipes a tear from his eyes while he holds up the ‘good book that spells out what’s correct and incorrect to think, say, and believe’

Next, the Hollywood Left and sports celebrities from all different walks signal their approval with applause.

Joe Biden: We will give no ground to our enemies and we will stand together against attacks from with or without. Let our enemies take heed.  Those who challenge our resolve will be crushed.

The Guild of Low Level Media People Trying to Make a Name for Themselves: Colleen Crowder-New York Times, Sharon Johns-CNN, Bill Smithers-Fox News, Hallie Reed-MSNBC, and Dan Miller-Washington Post all heartily applaud this line.

Joe Biden: And now, with this Infinity Gauntlet, I will wipe out of existence once and for all- PCW.

‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann stands and claps. Dawn closes her eyes and braces herself as Biden snaps his finger and…

The Location of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon 2005-2021- Sunday January 31st, 2021 It’s 30 degrees outside and snowing.  The area where Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon once stood is nothing more than a snow-covered field now.  Dawn McGill and Johnny Suave are parked off the side of the road and staring out at where the former spiritual home of PCW for over fifteen years used to stand.

Sitting on the hood of the car, Dawn pours some whiskey into a pair of shot glasses.  She hands one of the shot glasses to Suave and asks him what they should drink to.  Suave gazes out into the now empty field and mutters something about good times and good memories. They clink their shot glasses together and down the shots.

She tells Suave that PCW Champion ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels signed on with The Political Wrestling Universe’s Blue Brand show- PWU’s Political Shakedown.  PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins has also signed with the Blue Brand.  Jill Berg Enterprises signed with PWU’s Red Brand- PWU is Politico War.  So basically, to go on means starting over.

Suave takes the whiskey bottle, tilts his head back, and downs another swig of whiskey directly from the bottle.  He puts the bottle down on the hood of the car.

Johnny Suave: Well, that’s never stopped us before.

Close in on McGill: she smiles.

Political Wrestling Universe Headquarters – Washington D.C. – February 2021 So not one year after the last time PCW Owner Dawn McGill was hauled before the Executive Committee of the Political Universe for a hearing with the express purpose of determining whether or not she would be removed as the Executive Director of Political Championship Wrestling, they did it again in the aftermath of the riot that took place on January 6th at Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

The hearing takes place before the Executive Committee of the Political Universe.  You can cut through the tense atmosphere with a knife.  It permeates throughout the hall.  Dead quiet inside the hearing room save the occasional sound of a chair moving along the floor, the ruffle of paper, and most notably, the sound of several photographers snapping off shots in rapid fire fashion.

Sitting at a table cutting a solitary figure with a glass of water placed next to her elbow, Executive Director Dawn McGill one more time faced the stern glare of one Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Adam Schiff (D-CA).  Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) is also there.  This time, the hearing would include Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and Chuck Schumer (D-NY).

McGill addresses the Executive Committee and demands to know why she is there when there are so many other pressing issues that need their immediate attention.  She can’t believe for a second that there are more important matters to deal with than wasting time on a hearing over the reset of PCW once again.  Nancy Pelosi offers a sour expression in response and cuts her off.  She tells McGill she knows why she is here- the matter of the riot that took place in January l why you are here.  The matter of the riot that took place last month at one of your…- Pelosi spits out the next word with a heaping helping of distain – …shows is an important matter and one more time brings her – Pelosi accentuates the next word with a hint of sarcasm added for extra emphasis-  …leadership into question.  Pelosi tells McGill what happened at the show was unacceptable and her continued ‘pathetic attempt at leadership’ was also unacceptable.  If Pelosi had her way, she would have been removed as the owner of PCW last year.

McGill fired back that Pelosi was entitled to her opinion and she was entitled to be wrong.  In Dawn’s opinion, the problem begins right here with the proliferation of the influence of special interest groups that fund both of big factions.  She says let’s be honest and adds that she knows it’s something she knows is very hard for many of them to grasp.  That crack causes Chuck Schumer to step in and inform McGill that she will ‘refrain from making further comments like that and show this committee the respect they deserve.’

Dawn McGill: With all due respect, Mr. Schumer, I’ll show you the same respect that you show the rest of us.

Later on, Dawn’s in the middle of answering a question and accuses the committee of influencing P-SPAN to take PCW off the air.  Adam Schiff pops in and tells her PCW was not appropriate programming for a serious political channel. McGill claps back and tells Schiff the things that go on here isn’t appropriate programming for a serious political channel.  She wants to know when does the Executive Committee get directly involved in programming matters on privately owned media networks?  Schiff responds that she’s not listening and that PCW was not appropriate programming for P-SPAN.

The tone heats up even more.  McGill snaps back that it’s not for them to decide because that’s the ‘people’s job.  She says it’s obvious what happened- weight was thrown around and in the end the committee got their way. Schiff tries to defend their action and pronounces the committee has every right to oversee and regulate the product- especially after what happened at the insurrection that took place last month.  McGill shoots back not to give her that crap and Schumer again admonishes her to refrain from that kind of talk.  McGill tells Schumer she will not refrain and will persist.  Schumer tries to interrupt her but McGill persists.  She says it’s bad enough that every single aspect of American life has become politicized.  Sports has been politicized.  Entertainment has been politicized.  Science- politicized.  Education-politicized.  In her opinion, to let this slide supports the status quo where big money equals power and leaves behind middle class America.  She will not refrain.  She will persist.

Schiff bangs his gavel down and calls for order.  He slams the gavel down a second time

Adam Schiff: ORDER!  Miss McGill, that’s enough! You are OUT OF ORDER!

Dawn shoots up from her chair and tells Schiff he’s out of order.  She points at Nancy Pelosi and tells her she’s out of order! Then Mitch McConnell. She says the committee is out of order and she was done wasting my time talking to you.  McGill grabs her stuff and motions to the Les Miserables inside the hall: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, his wife- West Texas Adult Entertainment Legend Stacee Perry, Bert the Janitor, and a whole section of people who stand up en masse at her beckoning.

Dawn McGill: We don’t need you.  And you can all kiss my ass.

As all hell breaks loose, McGill defiantly marches out of the hearing room with the Les Miserables humming ‘Do You Hear the People Sing?’

Political Championship Wrestling PCW Arena 19th Street and Alcove Ave. Lubbock, TX

The Return McGill and Suave sit in the ring at the brand new PCW Arena built in Lubbock, Texas.  McGill thanks everyone for sticking with them and announces that thanks to the help of some people that she will not name, PCW is back and ready to go.

Suave says for the return of PCW’s Extreme Political TV there will be a Television Title match, a Tag Team Title Match, and the PCW Title match.  Who’s going to be wrestling?  Suave says you’ll just have to tune in and see.

McGill adds one last parting shot before the preview show comes to and end.

Dawn McGill: ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann and Jack Buckenberg- you can kiss my ass!”

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Oklahoma Secondary School Football: The Oklahoman's Champion, Semifinal Choices

If a player has been disregarded, no alternative can be prompted in their area as well as the gamer may not join additional play. Misbehavior might happen at any moment, and also while the offences that constitute misconduct are noted, the interpretations are wide. Particularly, the offence of "unsporting behaviour" might be used to handle the majority of events that breach the spirit of the game, even if they are not noted as specific offences.

WR DeAndre Hopkins goes in depth concerning his touchdown catch and also clarifies the value of this win for the group. LAFC eliminated the 3rd Mexican Club in the 2020 edition of the Concacaf Champions Organization as well as they will certainly attempt to finish the prominence from Liga MX groups in the competition as they head to the final to face Tigres UANL.

" We delight in that moms and dads and also loved ones will currently have the ability to see their students play in the game. QB Sam Darnold called the win "an impressive sensation." He was reliable, avoiding turnovers and also tossing the round away when under pressure. As Adam Gase said, "There was no panic." If the Jets choose to trade Darnold, this was the sort of performance that will appeal to suitors. Inquired about the Trevor Lawrence speculation, Darnold said, "It does not influence us." Russell Wilson balanced just 4.6 air backyards per effort Sunday as the Seahawks again focused on fast passes to battle Washington's strong defensive front. Per ESPN Statistics & Info, that was Wilson's cheapest standard given that the 2015 opener as well as third-lowest of his career. Wilson balanced 7.3 air backyards per attempt last week against the Jets after balancing 8.2 over the first 13 weeks, 10th-highest in the league because period.

What's the oldest football team?

The Arizona Cardinals, formed in Chicago in 1898, are the oldest team in the National Football League.

gallery Arrivals Before Giants Dec 13, 2020 Cardinals players show up to MetLife Arena prior to the Week 14 match against the Giants offered by Bose. gallery Arrivals Before Eagles Dec 20, 2020 Cardinals gamers get here to State Farm Stadium before the Week 15 match against the Eagles offered by Bose.

Much like the Big 12, I have actually improbably survived two bouts of realignment. Don't bother the 24-point blowout loss that the Combating Irish experienced in the ACC title game versus Clemson. The board offered Notre Dame approval based upon earlier sway Clemson as well as North Carolina. When the CFP option board unveiled its final rankings Sunday early morning from Grapevine, Notre Dame (10-1) got approval for the fourth and also last playoff area, simply ahead of the Aggies (8-1). Texas A&M and train Jimbo Fisher made an enthusiastic College Football Playoff instance Saturday by winning its regular season ending over Tennessee.

Several of the leading potential customers in the country have yet to introduce their destination. Saturday's scores, paired with the absence of nonconference video games this year, are mosting likely to cultivate unmatched reactions to the Playoff choices. Alabama completed 11-0 in SEC have fun with a championship win, led by Heisman candidates Najee Harris, Mac Jones and also DeVonta Smith. The University Football Playoff board showed it will never ever give Group of 5 groups like the Bearcats, Chanticleers a fair shake. Smith is attempting to become the very first WR to win the Heisman given that 1991, but he needs to beat teammates Mac Jones and Najee Harris. Military was the first team to approve a bowl quote, to the Self-reliance Dish in October, however opt-outs as well as linkups left it without an opponent. Points will remain the same for as lengthy as individuals keep imitating only the big bettingloupe.com/ leagues issue and like the kids are an adjunct.

On the 15th Sunday of the NFL's 2020 period, 33 Alabama graduates hopped on the field. As wintertime climate embed in around the country, the Chargers-Raiders competition in a dome in Las Vegas can enable unusual names such as limited end Darren Waller to bring your fantasy group to the champion round. Smith saw at least three targets in all 9 of his beginnings, yet he managed to allow under 30 yards in every one of his video games this year. Surtain might have given up a 50-yard touchdown in the 2020 SEC Championship Game, yet that was truly one of minority poor plays he had all period long. He is a physical corner that trails just Hodges-Tomlinson for the majority of forced incompletions amongst Power 5 outside corners. As you might have seen in the 2021 PFF NFL Draft Overview, Surtain's best quality is his press abilities, and also this year has actually verified that. He comes in at No. 1 among all FBS cornerbacks in press-coverage quality.

Sheriff Strategies To Proceed Search For Seekers On Xmases Day If Required.

Who is the ref who blew Saints?

These fans didn't care. Referee Bill Vinovich looks on during the NFC Championship game between the Rams and New Orleans Saints on Jan. 20.

The Rule currently express measurements with approximate metric matchings, though use royal units remains popular in English-speaking countries with a reasonably recent history of metrication, such as Britain. The ball is spherical with an area of in between 68 as well as 70 cm, a weight in the series of 410 to 450 g, as well as a stress in between 0.6 and 1.1 conventional ambiences (8.5 as well as 15.6 pounds per square inch) at sea level. In the previous the round was comprised of leather panels stitched, with a latex bladder for pressurisation but modern balls in all degrees of the game are now artificial. A game is officiated by an umpire, who has "complete authority to implement the Laws of the Game about the match to which he has actually been appointed", as well as whose decisions are final. In many high-level video games there is also a fourth authorities who helps the referee as well as might change another official must the demand arise. The fundamental equipment or kit players are needed to wear includes a t shirt, shorts, socks, shoes and sufficient shin guards.

The Pitt side protector racked up 20 total stress in his video games against Notre Dame, Clemson, Virginia Technology and also Boston College, the 4 ideal collections of deals with in the ACC this year. McNeil played 87% of his complete snaps at heads-up nose tackle this year, making his manufacturing nothing except incredible. Only one player considering that 2014 has actually produced a greater PFF grade at 0-technique than McNeil's 90.5 this period. Kinnard preserved his status as one of the leading takes on in the run game this year, raising his run-block grade from 89.1 in 2019 to 92.3 this period.

Who hasn't won a Superbowl?

There are now 12 NFL franchises that have not won a Super Bowl after the Eagles earned their first title in 2018. The Bengals, Bills, Browns, Cardinals, Chargers, Falcons, Jaguars, Lions, Panthers, Texans, Titans and Vikings have not won a Super Bowl in their history.

The Crimson Tide and Battling Irish will certainly meet for the 8th time in the background of the collection that dates back to 1973. Alabama trails, 2-5, in the previous pairings but came away with a victory in the most recent matchup between both teams at the 2013 BCS National Championship in Miami, Fla . Discover resources and possibilities to get included as well as play football. There's no Michigan-Ohio State to highlight the normal period's final complete weekend, yet high risks and negative blood aren't difficult to locate. Sun Belt commissioner Keith Gill is being a lot more proactive regarding making cases for his teams, with Coastal Carolina and Louisiana both ranked. A previous college quarterback, Coen concerns the Wildcats after 3 season with the Los Angeles Rams.

[wrestlingisfake]

Final Battle preview

Rush vs. PCO - Rush is defending the ROH world title.  As far as I can remember, Rush is undefeated in Ring of Honor.  The only singles loss in ROH that I could find for PCO was his last shot at the world title.  It is probably worth noting that each man’s contract is expiring at the end of the year, and there has been little word on whether either of them plans to re-sign.

Rush is probably the hottest star in wrestling that isn’t signed to WWE, AEW, or New Japan.  You see his entrance and you can tell this guy is a big ass deal, far beyond anything else going on in ROH.  I’m still surprised they managed to sign him.  Pierre Carl Ouellet, meanwhile, is a minor name from the 1990s enjoying a cult resurgence as a monster brawler with a Frankenstein gimmick.  At 51, PCO isn’t a hot prospect bound for the big leagues, but he’s a can’t-miss draw at the super-indy level.  So this is arguably the biggest match ROH could deliver in 2019.  It reminds me of a big match from ROH’s early days, where a WWE fan wouldn’t get the appeal but hardcore indy fans saw it as a dream match.

Even someone like me, who only half pays attention to ROH, can see the appeal of this match.  Rush’s matches are fast and intense, and he quickly destroys guys with big explosive moves.  PCO’s matches are about how he feels no pain and keeps getting back up to do increasingly insane spots.  This is, fundamentally, the irresistible force meeting the immovable object.  I can’t believe we’re getting such a match from “The guy who taught Tetsuya Naito how to be cool” versus “The Mountie’s tag team partner,” but such is wrestling in 2019.

Ring of Honor has really fallen off a cliff this year.  The core of their star power left to found AEW, and their alliance with New Japan seems to be at its lowest ebb.  The whole controversy of CMLL firing Rush and Dragon Lee, who have become key figures here, would also seem to be a bad sign for the ROH/CMLL alliance as well.  So it’s been a rebuilding year for the company, and frankly I haven’t been impressed with what they’ve rebuilt.  Except for this one match.  This is very symbolic of their one shot to turn things around for 2020.  I hope they don’t blow it; I expect that they will somehow.

My gut tells me Rush is moving on to greener pastures, whereas PCO probably can’t do much better than being a big fish in a small pond.  Wild as it sounds, I think we might get a title change tonight.

Jay Briscoe & Mark Briscoe vs. Jay Lethal & Jonathan Gresham - This is for the Briscoes’ ROH tag team title.  The biggest question mark here is that Lethal broke his arm back in October, and although he’s vowed to make it to this match it remains to be seen if he’ll be healed enough to really go.

I haven’t followed the story closely, but Lethal and Gresham were friends until Gresham decided that he needed to cheat to get ahead, and then they fought over that, and then they reconciled, and now they’re both whacking the Briscoes with chairs.  I’m still not sure if the Briscoes ever officially turned babyface this year.  So to me this is a pretty standard 2019 ROH story, where there are no heroes and everyone’s an asshole.

In theory this should be a down-and-dirty brawl between two teams that would prefer to fight than wrestle.  But since it’s not officially billed as a street fight or anything, what we’ll probably end up with is a basic wrestling match where they just sneak a few weapon shots and low blows behind the ref’s back.  That’s fine to build to a bigger, wilder spotfest later, but not so much to be a featured tag match on Final Battle.  I guess Lethal and Gresham will win the belts with shenanigans to set up a rematch.

Shane Taylor vs. Dragon Lee Ryu Lee - Taylor is defending the ROH television title.  Dragon Lee had been a big name in CMLL, and a frequent representative of the company in New Japan, and of late he’s been getting involved in ROH through his brother Rush.  But since CMLL suddenly fired him, and they own the rights to the name, he’s now adopted the name “Ryu Lee,” using the Japanese word for “dragon” to honor his new deal with New Japan.  Lee’s preference among those three companies is to work for New Japan, so now that he’s got that contract I am very curious whether he remains a ROH regular.  I suspect this match will be the first clue.  Taylor has been a dominant champion but Lee has friends in high places, so the one they want to push should be very telling.  I’m kinda thinking Taylor retains.

Matt Taven vs. Vincent - Vincent used to be Vinny Marseglia, a member of The Kingdom stable with Taven and TK O’Ryan.  I’m not sure what happened to O’Ryan after Taven lost the ROH world title, but Vincent turned on Taven and has gone all in on the gimmick of being a horror movie slasher.  This means Taven is doing the “asshole champion you come to respect drops the title and then improbably turns babyface” thing.  I’m not sure I buy that, but I guess ROH kinda has to make the best of what they have to work with.  All I know is when I see Taven plugging his DVD I’m just reminded of when TNA put out that Jeff Jarrett retrospective as if he was Triple H or something.  Anyway, I guess the King of Kings King of the Mountain King of the Kingdom needs to win this match.

Mark Haskins vs. Bully Ray - This is being billed as a street fight, so the match cannot end by count-out or disqualification.  Bully Ray has been playing the bitter veteran bullying young guys for the better part of two years now.  He was mainly feuding with Flip Gordon, but even after they blew that off he just kept doing it, and when Flip turned heel they just sort of switched to Haskins.  They’ve even got Bully going after Mark’s wife like he did with Flip’s wife.  It’s the exact same fucking thing.  Which, I suppose, means Bully has to win this match to generate more heat for more rematches.  I would literally rather be escorted into a room where Bully bitches me out for being a bad fan than watch this crap one more time.

Marty Scurll & Flip Gordon vs. Bandido & Flamita - All right, so months ago Juice Robinson came to ROH to found a stable called Lifeblood, with the goal of elevating some new stars to replenish the roster after the AEW exodus.  Well, in an apt metaphor for ROH’s fortunes in 2019, Lifeblood quickly fell apart with half the team disappearing from ROH, leaving Bandido, Mark Haskins, and Tracy Williams.  They tried to recruit various guys to fill the void, but nobody has stepped up and Flip Gordon even turned heel on them to join Scurll’s Villain Enterprises.  Then Flip blew out his elbow during the heel turn.  Anyway, Haskins has his hands full with Bully Ray, and I don’t even know where Williams is, so now Bandido is starting a new tag team with Flamita and this is the closest we get to blowing off the Lifeblood/Villain Enterprises feud.

Scurll’s contract with ROH actually ended a couple of weeks ago, but he has a handshake deal to work this show and the one on December 15.  The big questions now are which company he’ll sign with and how ROH will write him out of the company.  But presumably those questions won’t be answered until the 15th, so even at this late date we’re still in a holding pattern, and I’m guessing they’ll keep acting like  everything is normal.

Logic would suggest Scurll should do the job so ROH can put over Flamita and Bandido.  Then again, it wouldn’t shock me to learn that Bandido is getting ready to leave, so you never know.

Jeff Cobb vs. Dan Maff - This is basically a battle of two big mean guys.  Cobb is just back from a month-long tour with New Japan.  Maff is a recent acquisition, and notably filled in for Brody King to help Marty Scurll and PCO defend the ROH trios title.  That kinda makes me wonder if Maff could end up playing a role in the final fate of Villain Enterprises, but that probably won’t affect this match.

Cobb is--say it with me this time, folks--expected to have his contract come up soon, and may or may not be getting ready to leave.  If he’s staying, he should probably win this match to build him up for whoever is champion going forward.  If he’s leaving...well, Maff seems to be a budget version of Cobb, so it would make sense to have him be the guy to send Cobb packing.  We’ll just have to see what happens.

Angelina Love vs. Maria Manic - Love won the women’s title at the last ROH show I watched, but it turns out she lost it back to Kelly Klein shortly thereafter.  Then Klein suffered a concussion, which turned into a pretty big story abut ROH not taking care of her and letting her contract expire, and I don’t know what’s going on with the women’s title anymore.  I occasionally wonder if they’ll even continue to have a women’s division after this show.  Manic is clearly their big new project, but apparently they almost let her go to NXT before locking her into a contract.

The story of the match is that Manic is a big mean monster and Love is terrified of her.  Usually in this kind of story the heel gets to demonstrate that they can come up with some clever way to outwit the monster, and the match is about whether that works or not.  But as far as I know they haven’t given Love anything--she seems to just be a lamb led to the slaughter.  It’s possible Love is preparing to leave and this is the blowoff for her character.  If so, I’m not sure who will be left to fight Manic.  There’s only like five other active women in the official roster, and I haven’t seen any of them wrestle in months. 

Dalton Castle & Joe Hendry vs. Silas Young & Josh Woods - This is scheduled for the pre-show.  Young and Woods are apparently calling themselves “2G1T” (“Two Guys, One Tag”), which is possibly the most alarming sign of the creative energy left in this company.  I think Castle and Hendry have been passive-aggressively feuding and teaming for months and I’ve kinda given up trying to figure out where this is headed.  I guess Castle and Hendry win.

Rhett Titus vs. Kenny King - Another match set for the pre-show.  Titus and King were a tag team ages ago, but now King is a wannabe top heel and Titus is a prelim guy.  Well, I guess they’re both in the pre-show so technically they’re both prelim guys.  I assume the point is to give King a win, but if this guy was ever going to be something in ROH, he would already be well beyond the point that beating Titus would mean anything.

[dvske]

Holy shit, y'all. A lot of major changes in the past month, but overall happy and a bit nervous. (Good nervous, though!)

So, like, I’ve officially resigned from my current job last week so I could move in with my sister. I’ve already been paying half the rent since February, it was just a matter of finding a new job to get me down there, and although I’ve just snagged something seasonal for now I feel like it’s a good move. My last day is the 15th.

And honestly, I haven’t been this anxious and eager and sad and goddamn ready for a major change since...well since I first came on full time at my current job. Five years of my life, near about. A lot of skills earned and learned, a lot friends come and gone, a lot fun memories made despite all the drama and management issues. I’m gonna miss a lot of connections I’ve made here.

I don’t think it’s gonna fully hit me until I’m moved in and settled. Like, this whole past week has just been a constant grind to get shit halfway settled at work, figuring out health insurance because that’s a thing you forget to think about when you’re ready to walk out of your dead end job, packing, impromptu job apps and interviews, collecting contact info, figuring out incoming bills and savings and just — just a whole lot of adulting shit. It’s tiring.

Amidst all of that, I’m also thinking of writing projects and participating in NaNo and potentially going back to school and/or freelancing (maybe? lol, what). And even further than that, like how and when I’m gonna squeeze in traveling and keeping in touch with friends more often, like that’s not already a struggle when most of them live like 40 minutes away. It’s gonna be so weird finally moving in with my sister like we’ve always talked about doing, and in our old childhood town no less. Didn’t even like the place that much, was dying to get out by the time I was starting college, and now I’m running right back a whole decade later.

I don’t know. I was telling my sis I really feel like we’re both in that in-between filler episode before the next chapter of our lives. Like this is just a stepping stone until we go to the next stage, wherever or whatever that looks like, but it still doesn’t feel real just yet.

But I’m excited. Just gotta do one more week.

[thatonegirlwhodoesthings]

End Of Year Review

Last time I was here I was way more of a mess yet I had way too much hope and, thankfully, I was right in having hope. Now, here I am at the end of the year in December and so much has changed but that comes with graduating and transitioning into college. Here is my end of year review in which I express what I learned about the world and about others that has impacted what I know and thought I knew about myself. 

I spent half of my July unsure if I was even going to have the opportunity to actually go to college. I worked so hard and was so scared but when July 15th came and I paid my first bill to my school I knew that this was my opportunity. I also knew I needed to work really hard to be able to stay so, on top of this new pride in knowing I was actually, officially going to be going to college, I needed to take on more responsibility and got a second job. July is when I really started working my first job and it was new and exciting. Getting called in on my days off, having something to do and with this came a new sense of pride that I was working towards what I wanted. I became, to some extent, less reliant on my mother. Having two jobs allowed me to prove to myself, and other (but mostly me) that when I want something, I will work for it. 

August was eventful. As it was getting closer to move in day, closer to me finally achieving a goal that has been MONTHS in the making, life around me seemed to fall apart a little bit. I was so focused on my goals and did not have the time or energy to dwell on the domestic abuse my mother was facing, forcing us, just months before one big transition in my life, to make another one. My mother and I were forced to leave our home and move in with her friends because it was the only way she could feel safe in the face of her abusive substance abusing boyfriend. While it was not the easiest thing to go through or witness for a second time in my life in a minimal amount of years, staying focus and having something I was working towards and looking forward to was helpful. Halfway through the month, after finishing at both my jobs and learning so much not only about pushing myself but also about the usefulness of saying no, I packed my things and moved 3 hours away to NYC for school. I was 18, not too naive but eager to learn and experience new things. Orientation in itself was an experience. I met so many new people and some ending up having such an impact on my life, even if they no longer exist as a necessary part of it now. They were relevant when I needed them and aided me for the time being. 

September was when things started to pick up speed. If you told me in September that what happened would happen, I would tell you you were insane. I lost a friend, who even after only knowing a few weeks, was a person who was there for me, just turns out we were not meant to stay friends and that is okay.More importantly, I became closer with other people I had met and even met somebody knew who holds his own special place in my heart.  I also, to my pleasure, had my first sexual experience with a girl while I was drunk and I would never trade that experience for anything. Even if I could not remember her name after and can barely remember it now. This night was actually the first night I really talked to him. Yes, I met him. He, had my heart thumping in September, filled with joy after experiencing this new moment with somebody I had never had before. He caused plenty of useless confusion for me that I know cannot even remember but without it, probably would not be where we are today. 

October, my birth month, was nice in its own way. It was when I began getting close with her. Not only with her though, but I also got to know other people I had not known that well. I am forever grateful for these people as they created a community that I feel I could be apart of, while not having to always be apart of. Distance, I learned, is necessary for me. I need space from people in that being around the same ones constantly drives me crazy. This fact, is something I truly got comfortable with around this time. I also, against my free will, got closer with him but that's alright. I had a pleasant birthday and, came out to my longtime friend. She is great and I love her. I, being a little bitch, had to use ridiculous analogies to come out but it is difficult when somebody has known you a certain way for so long. You do not want to alter that image they have of you and possibly ruin the relationship. Her, being the bestest friend ever, was supportive and it unlocked this part of my life that I had been wanting to tell her. I finally had that chance. 

October was disappointing still, in some ways, in that I did not do as well as I would have liked on my midterms. I was at school to do well and succeed, to further my education. And here I was, blowing that aspect off. It manifested itself in my less than satisfactory grade on my psych midterm. However devastating that was, it encouraged me to study for my other midterms which, thankfully, I did much better on. It was a reminder that procrastination got me nowhere and I needed to focus. It lead to me taking more thorough notes the second half of the semester and studying more. 

While the first half of October leading up to my birthday was eventful in itself, Halloween was its own ballpark. You see, a week before I kissed her for the first time while I was tipsy and then went to him. It, for the first time, brought up a real issue I had to deal with. I like these two people and I do not want to hurt either of them. Halloween, I went to a party with her and, as a drunk dumbass, made out with her. I enjoyed it but it did nothing but confuse me. 

November was filled with me going back and forth between him and her. I did not know what or who I wanted and while that part has not changed, I am dealing with the situation in a healthier way, to some extent at least. It was also filled with me getting my first writing job and therefore, my first step in the door to working with authors in the future and possibly writing myself. Furthermore, it taught me, more than anything, the absolute necessity of communication but we are still working on that one. It was also the first time I went home since August and it was interesting to see how nothing really changes when you leave. I feel as if I could leave home for years and come home and be completely unfazed. Everything is a cycle here. It is nice to be somewhere and go places where everything is always new. I don’t think I want to be stuck watching these cycles anymore now that I know how much more interesting life can be. I went to a wedding too and it was so beautiful. It reminded me that even if for a moment, love does exist, no matter what it turns into. It is so tragic how we let bad experiences way more heavily upon us than the good. Anyway, the wedding was great and it made me excited for when I marry my wife. So many people were complaining but I thought it was beautiful anyway. Watching those little moments between the bride and groom, even if nobody was sober, was so impactful. That is what I want from my wife and I want to not be afraid to let myself have it. 

In December, I came back to campus a wreck. I spent a week long break barely talking to anybody and ignoring the two people who had the most impact in my life. The worst thing is me getting way too high my first night back and then having to have a serious conversation with her. I think she did not notice, but that night is blurry to me. A positive from that however, thanks to her, we were back on good terms after not speaking for two weeks and it brought us, to my displeasure, closer. That’ll be painful later but for now, all is good. Until I face the reality that there is a small possibility that I'll never see her again but that's neither here nor there and I have no right to be selfish and make that situation about me. I am concerned about her and hope she is okay or as okay as any college student can be. I just want to see her happy honestly. She deserves that at least. He I did not talk to for two weeks as well. Not talking to him until a week after I got back, I got drunk and was like alright I need to see him, after listening to Marvin's Room and crying which is my civil duty as an over-dramatic light skin. I then got more drunk and forced us to talk about our feelings. Now, we are in a better place we have been in awhile.

 I left for break in a really good mindset. I feel as if I am in a good spot with the relationships in my life. I am the best mentally I have been in a while and honestly, have little stress. I am going to soak in this place for as long as I can. 

So, how would I rate my year overall. As far as learning goes and accomplishments, I would give myself a ⅘ stars. I accomplished so much and have learned so much. I have done so much and experienced so much. I accomplished things that, if you told my bum ass a year ago, I would say no, I did not do that because I would have never tried. Mentally I would give this year a ⅖. I have had some of my lowest lows that I have had in a LONG time. I believe that comes with big changes and new experiences though. It was just me trying to figure things out and, hopefully, in the future I will be able to process and handle similar situations better. I appreciate this year for everything it gave. Everything it taught me. Everyone it brought in and took out of my life. This will be a year I look back at and call life changing and I am so thankful for that. 

Thank You 2019. 

[anyu-blue]

~

[[MORE]]

I'm starting to seriously wonder if I'll ever manage to land another job.

Like I'm freaked out that even if I tried for fast food I STILL wouldn't get hired.

I finally had an two interviews two weeks ago for one place... Waited all through last week and heard nothing about it... So I called them yesterday and left a message (because they didn't pick up during regular business hours which was WEIRD for them)... Only to wake up today with an email saying they're going forward with other people.

Like .. what did I do wrong THIS time?

I was perfectly, PERFECTLY qualified with my knowledge of computers and programs, customer service, medical terminology, AND the type of random situations you only find in the healthcare industry.... My face-to-face interview felt great and they said it was great... Maybe they wanted more of me though and I'm not pushy enough to do that without KNOWING they want something... Or maybe something I said/showed them was wrong and I'll probably never know and keep failing interviews because of it.

It's getting out of hand and idk what to do... I have no income so I rely on my bf and sister... Which is fine, realistically, because they say it is (even if Tevie is a witch about things and aggravates my issues by telling me I've failed (despite my best efforts))... But I feel trapped by it... Insecure... And it bleeds.

I try not to ask them for things... Pass up stuff I want and need... Obsess about the parts of the bills that were/are my responsibility down to the last cent... And that's ALL I can do. I can't contribute. All I can do is use our resources and be an item collecting dust for all intents and purposes and I HATE it. I hate feeling like a leech (see parental bullying circa childhood). I've even asked my sister not to get me anything I wanted for Christmas in exchange for some of the things I need before then and Christmas gifts for other people.

Aaaaand then there's the OTHER catch....

They won't even LET me apply for positions like fast food (assuming I'm even hirable, go figure)... Because they know I would grind myself into dust working a job like that... And they'd rather I not be dust than my having funds to pay my share of the bills.

It's.. kind of them.. but if I'm already breaking and cracking and killing myself with stress and neglect because I can't contribute... How is that any worse? At least I'd be helping...

I seriously don't know what to do...

I apply and apply and apply all over this city. I get email confirmations of my applications ALL THE TIME.... And that's practically it. I'm LUCKY if I get an email saying they don't want my application/ME. I call and I'm LUCKY if I get someone.. and I'm LUCKY if I DO and they say ANYTHING more than 'Oh yeah, we're hiring.'

I can't keep this up... The constant rejection is aggravating my issues so so so terribly bad.

Was it the fact I mentioned I have PTSD (cuz he asked and I'm not going to lie) but then said I was fine seeing blood and dealing with awful/violent people and didn't mention my issues lay in rejection and not stuff like that that threw my interview off?

Was it the fact I showed/told him about my missing teeth and that my plate might break and it might be some time before I can get a new one and asked if it would be a problem?

Did I share too much? Not enough? Miss a critical thing? LOOK/SOUND funny? Fidget too much?

I'm fine losing one job interview... I'm fine with a few places telling me I was a little too late in getting my application in compared to someone else... I'm HAPPY someone got the jobs I'm trying for- good for them... I'm happy the PLACES found a good match- good for them too!! Hooray!!

But rejection after rejection after rejection... It's been 4 months without a job... Of CONSTANT nos and failures.

Do you know how many places I've applied for? How many positions? How many forms and cover letters I've filled out each week?

I'm emotionally drained... And maybe THAT'S why I failed (again) this time... I wasn't enthusiastic enough... Too nervous and 'fake' and strained in my smile...

Idk...

But I lose my healthcare next month... Which means my doctor, my meds, my chances to get better. I can't even use it RIGHT NOW because I can't pay the stupid $65 co-pay they RANDOMLY tacked on to my account (not to mention whatever else they decide isn't covered by it). I didn't have a co-pay THAT HIGH (at all, actually) with the SAME INSURANCE when I was getting paid $13.25 AN HOUR as a phlebotomist (God I miss that job so much...)... So I'm terribly stressed and at a loss and DESPERATE for a job.

If I could get one.. I could have the healthcare I need to get everything officially diagnosed without going HUGELY into debt like I would if I tried right now, which would in turn make my working easier on myself and everyone involved to where I could get even better work and so on and so on...

But I can't even START that process until I get a job... And if I don't before the 15th of next month... I'm screwed for healthcare anyway.

Just a sick disabled bum 'living comfortably' thanks to someone's kindness (which is straining because Lonlon works two jobs which both suck at the moment and Tevie wants her money to herself- I don't blame her. She's bad with it, doesn't want help, and doesn't want to have to stress about anyone but herself).

Idk what to do. I don't have the energy or motivation for anything... I'm trying, but it's not DOING... I've got no structure.. no foundation... And whatever I did have has crumbled and continues crumbling.

I'm waiting on three more places to... Idk email, call, reject me, or none of those things... I don't have much of any hope. And idk what is going wrong if they reject me too...

I have one thing I can try in the meantime if I can get Tevie to leave me alone for hours on end from now til my birthday (a really exhausting and gargantuan task, let me tell you)... If no one accepts my applications... It's my last shot and is going to take a lot of willpower.. it might take everything I have left if I fail... But... *Sigh*... I guess we'll see.

[jaimistoryteller]

Jaimi’s Update

5/6/19 Update

Hi All

Thank you all for continuing to share Shelk’s GoFundMe, I really appreciate it and it’s been helping. Now on to that update I keep planning and not seeming to get to. 

This is a long post, so I will put it below a cut. 

About Me First

So March and April were both massively long and a more then a little painful, both physically and mentally. I had a depressive spiral because of something someone said, cause even though they hadn’t meant to set one off, their word choice did not help. I got it just about under control and someone else said something that sent it right back down. I finally got it under control again, back in the slow drag of getting out of it. Not that I know for a fact it will work or not. Life is never that easy. 

I spent way too much of the two months on the go, to the point where my body shut down a couple of different times and I was completely useless. At least I accomplished my goals though, even if I paid massively for them. 

I have a new therapist, she’s lovely but it’s frustrating, because I did not want to be changing therapists in the middle of shit going wrong, but alas it was a thing that had to happen since my previous one is officially retired for a variety of reasons (and I hope he enjoys it too!). 

Despite my best efforts, I am a foster fail again, and have a new cat, he is adorable and loveable. I’ve named him Silver for his chest and markings. 

[ID: Silver the cat laying partly on the laptop keyboard]

I’m trying to figure out how to pay my electric, it’s due on the 10th, I should have made a post on it, but I’ve been more focused on making sure my sister doesn’t lose her home. Plus I was under therapist orders not to think of anything money or work related for three days during this last weekend. 

Winston

[ID: Winston the rottweiler service pup laying on my lap while I pet him]

He’s doing perfect on his training, already has two of his tasks completely down, working on getting several more down. 

Unfortunately, there have been several problems with store peeps despite the fact I make sure he has his harness on and his leash on that says he is a service dog. They keep making a fit over the fact he’s a rottweiler, I even had one say it directly to my face. 

So I’ve ordered a bunch of business cards with the ADA online address on them, a copy of the two questions they can legally ask on the front:

Is that a service dog?

What tasks does your service dog perform for you?

On the back I put the four points people keep missing the most, copied directly from the ADA FAQ:

Staff are not allowed to request any documentation for the dog, require the dog demonstrate its task, or inquire about the nature of the person’s disability.

The ADA does not require service animals to wear a vest, ID tag, or specific harness. 

Covered entities may not require documentation, such as proof that the animal has been certified, trained, or licensed as a service animal, as a condition for entry.

Michigan has a voluntary registration program but it is not required.

The last point is from the state ADA, rather then the Federal one. If I had more room, I would have included the fact it’s illegal to try and force a registration, but alas business cards aren’t that big. 

I knew when I got him there was going to be questions because he’s so big, I hadn’t realized how foolish peeps were going to be over his breed. 

Both his leash and harness say Service Dog on them, but because I didn’t go out and buy the specialized one, but a training harness which was a lot cheaper and works for our needs just as well, people like to question it often. To the point where I even had one person tell me to get out of the store because someone else’s dog acted up, so mine couldn’t really be a service dog. Seriously, then she tried to back it with the ADA, while breaking the first three points from the back, and then insisting that the Michigan registry is required. 

Seriously, she’s one of the reasons I made the cards, right after I reported her and her boss, since she was insisting she checked with her boss, and her boss agreed. I even stressed to both the ADA and her company I didn’t want either fired, I wanted them properly trained, it should not be the customer’s job to print off the law and bring it in to make a point, just to keep shopping. 

I refuse to go back to having days I can’t go to the store because others want to have a problem with my awesome boy. If they have a problem with another dog, that’s the other dog’s handlers problem, not mine. To take it out on me is unprofessional. 

Shelk & Lot Rent

All of you peeps who have shared it (particularly you awesome one @noregretsnotearsnoanxieties) are wonderful! I appreciate all of the help. Shelk is flabbergasted and thankful beyond words for all the help. 

Last month we were able to get $555 within the $3,600. The lot owner accepted that, which set the eviction notice back to the 15th of this month. 

Right now we are at $150 this month, which is great as we are trying to get to at least $300, as that would pay at least one month. Currently she owes $3,345 between past and current due. 

A wonderful peep has said they are going to try and do something mid-month after getting paid, so I am rather hopeful, and I will be continuing to share, with updates every time there is a donation. 

Unexpected Meeting Kickstarter

I know I have two digital rewards to finish, I have been working on them, they will be posted by the end of this month. 

I am also going to start ordering the stuff to send out to people, getting the bookmarks, magnets, posters, and other goodies ready while the book is being edited. I can happily report the first few chapters have been looked at, though I have not yet had a chance to check the edits, which is why I haven’t shared snippets yet. 

It didn’t help that one of the rewards got corrupted when my computer updated in the middle of a save. Anyways, I’m excited! So bloody excited! 

Converging Lives

I will hopefully be returning to updating my @converginglives blog this week, I miss being able to post stuff there plus I still have the Spring 2019 A to Z Event to finish. 

I am also working on an actual website for it, which will have pretty much everything from the tumblr blog but in an organized method as I am tired of arguing with tumblr about it when making sure it’s in website format. 

Fanfic

Seeking is DONE - again. This time I emailed myself the file as well as typing it in google docs. Then of course docs didn’t have the problems it had last time. After 18 months of not being able to work on it, my muse finally got on the game. I’m so bloody pleased with that. I posted one chapter tonight, next Monday I will post the last chapter. 

I plan on posting the last chapter of Challenge Accepted on Wednesday as it’s done and I just need post it. 

I’m planning on working on Advent, Playful Stress Relief, Blessed, and Learning to Live. Why those ones? 

Advent is rough drafted out, might as well finish it. Besides, I don’t like the fact my lovely and fluff filled thing is still stuck in limbo. 

Playful Stress Relief is nearly done, I think editing was all I had left on that particular last chapter to finish it, though don’t quote me. It’s been awhile since I checked it. 

Blessed is calling me, though only lightly, and I’m not even sure there are peeps waiting for it, but hey whatevers. 

Learning to Live got a lovely comment which made me smile, in the height of a massive episode. I am updating it for that person, hopefully it will let me get on a roll and finish my oldest fanfic. 

You wanna see one of the other ones updated? Leave a comment on it, not just a “update please” but something you like, or a question, or even a smile face. Update please doesn’t encourage me, but pretty much everything else does. 

Cosmos Market

This is still being worked on, for those who don’t know what the market is, here is a link to the last post made on it. I’ll probably be updating it sometime in the near future, but at this moment that is a pretty good definition of it. 

I want -- need -- to get the market off the ground so I can stop needing to ask for help as I will have at least a small and stable income going. 

I’m not planning on making a lot off of it, just enough to pay my base bills, which will not put me out of the poverty line. I do expect it to be a success, however I plan on putting money into my employees and building instead. My sister being one of those employees in order to help her stop needing to ask for help as well since she’s been struggling to find a job. 

The market isn’t the only thing on the planner for business, it’s just the one I am focused on right this moment, though I have been eyeing my second rather heavily lately too, as it would be a much more passive situation for me to deal with. 

Disability

A lot of you know that I’ve applied for it in the past and was turned down as “disabled but not disabled enough”. I have reapplied for it. Why? Because I am still disabled, and a lot of times, things are worse then they were the last time I applied. 

This time I have been sent to deal with so many new doctors it’s making me want to scream. I don’t deal well with new people. Yet I have to. A lot. It’s frustrating beyond words. Still, if it helps over all, I will do whatever I must. 

It’s seriously my hope to get to the point where I can put it on hold, and only use it when I have a really bad flare up. Yes, things have been closer to stable since I got Winston, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t problems going on. I had a depressive spiral that lasted five bloody weeks. Sometimes I was able to force myself to get stuff done, other times I couldn’t even get out of bed because of my mind. It’s hard to be stable with that situation going on. 

Knowing my bills will be dealt with even if I can’t get out of bed would help a great deal. Far more than I really want to admit. At last, that’s the way it goes. 

Links

Rather then put the links in this mess, I will make a post just for them and then add the link to it here for those who want to share it. Any sharing would be appreciated as it helps more than you would imagine. 

I know a lot of people don’t have money, and while money is needed, that is not what I am asking for, all I am asking for is you take the time to share. Just a few seconds, a couple of clicks, can make a world of difference. 

While a lot of the links are about me, not all of them are as I also put up links to others who have helped me and friends who are in different tight situations. I’m a firm believer in paying it forward in any way possible. 

Link to Links

Previous Updates

5/1/19 & 5/3/19 

4/24/19

3/9/19 & Links

3/1/19

2/14/19

1/24/19

1/16/19

1/5/19

12/27/17 & 12/28/18

12/22/18

12/19/18

12/6/18 & 12/8/18

[owljolson-archive]

it got mentioned in my last comic update reblog blurb, but i don’t think i actually detailed what happened to me recently, did i?

sooo. my luck being what it is, back on the 11th i broke my left arm. it’s super frustrating; i was just bringing in the last of my laundry, ready to go to bed after, looking forward to the warm weather starting the next day, and i’d already slipped and banged my knee earlier in the evening and was being cautious, so you’d think i was good for the night, but nooope. and then a few days later i had surgery and my grandma died.

lengthy unpleasantness and ruminating under the cut

slipped on the very last black ice of the season, landing hard on my left arm and breaking it to the point that it sagged in a way forearms should not sag when i attempted to raise it. a neighbor passed by a couple minutes later, and kindly called for help and stayed with me until it arrived.

i’ve never broken anything before. that night was a traumatic one, and had a lot of firsts; my first ever broken bone(s), my first ever ambulance ride, my first ever overnight stay in a hospital. all while experiencing some of the worst pain of my life. luckily for me, i live pretty close to the best hospital in iowa, and one that’s pretty well-regarded in general and even nationally ranked in a few areas, including orthopedics (woo)

it was a rough night; lots of waiting, lots of x-rays and manipulation of my arm. they knocked me out, because they didn’t like the way my bones were set initially, and actually had to remove my cast and put on a second new one. afterwards i threw up all over everything, including my poor nurse, because my body didn’t like ketamine one bit. my nurse was super nice and positive, a real trooper, i apologized to and thanked him a whole bunch.

eventually i went home, spent the next couple days in a daze, and on the 15th i went in for surgery. because when i break bones, apparently i break ‘em good; the doctors needed to install some steel plating and screws to help the healing process. it was pretty nerve-wracking; my first ever invasive surgery, like-actual-real-ass-operating-room-surgery. but everybody was nice, the operation went well (good hospital for it, after all), i didn’t throw up, and after several hours of waking up and observation they sent me off with my lovely cousin and his wife, who’ve been extremely helpful through all this and kept an eye on me as official caregivers for the next 24 hours despite still getting over illness of their own (surgery would’ve been postponed indefinitely/cancelled if i didn’t have one).

and then i found out about my babcia. she’d just had her 98th birthday not even two weeks before, but she had heart troubles and had caught pneumonia, and we knew that that was pretty much the ballgame. she passed away just as i was going into surgery, apparently. it was quietly and my mom was by her side, so i suppose that’s the best it could have gone, and she’d had a very long life.

but...man. it had just been her birthday so recently. she was my last blood grandparent, and was Always There. she never spoke very good english, being an older immigrant, and rarely talked about the past. so i only ever caught snippets of her younger life, becoming an adult in poland just as ww2 hit and ravaged the country, with things like her brother being a pow, and her and her mother traversing the countryside on foot in winter. but they all informed a lot about her, and probably explained how resilient and always-trucking-along she was, and how she cheerfully lived by herself in the village in manhattan even into the 2000s. but she became so frail in the end, physically and mentally, that she couldn’t even stay with family anymore. she quietly died in a little hospital-like retirement home in some small corner of arizona, with almost nothing and few people in her life, just family and most of them spread out far away, quietly cremated.it feels so unfair. i think my mom’s going to try and request a small catholic mass in her memory; she would have liked that.

and it happened in the middle of my trauma and surgery, with my recuperation and sleepy medication knocking me out, so it still hasn’t fully processed yet. i feel so numb and isolated from it, and that makes me upset on another level. i hope i don’t crash too hard when it does eventually hit.

so...now i wait. my left arm’s in an elbow-covering full arm cast, which really sucks, but i get a new regular cast on the 29th. and then i’m in that for another month (and potentially i’ll need another surgery in a year or so to remove the metal, depending on how well my body handles it being in there).  i don’t know what the hell i’m going to do with myself during that time. i have a special project i need to power through and work on, so fingers crossed i can swing that since my drawing hand is mercifully untouched, but my regular webcomic and other stuff is off the rails for months, just as i was preparing to ramp things up.

i’m going to miss out on a lot of the nice cool spring weather, too. my workplace has been very supportive, even sending me flowers, but i haven’t been there long enough to qualify for medical leave or short term disability, and was forced to cancel an upcoming vacation and burn through most of my pto for 2019. hopefully i can get a couple days of bereavement leave, at least. and thank god i have health insurance and an hsa, but i’m still dreading a huge bill even after all that, with everything i’ve been through it won’t be cheap. if i have to create yet another gofundme, i’m gonna be so pissed. capitalism!

that’s me for the next month and a half, i guess. it’s been very difficult but there’s been a lot of support, and i’m doing my best to cope, but, man. it’s rough. it’s going to be a long six weeks. typing this all out helped, but man.

[robogreaser]

Commissions are Open

Im officially, properly, finally opening commissions for real. I know what you might be thinking. Mike, haven’t you had commissions opened for a while now?

Yes and no. I’ve had emergencies left and right most of this summer and on occasion I would take on a commissioner here and there to make ends meet. My work queue has been steadily growing. But, now that I have a slew of commissions in the works about to be completed and my finances are a complete disgrace I am officially, properly, finally opening commissions.

There are an indefinite amount of slots available. Mostly because things are looking rather bleak on my end. (More on that later.)

I have reworked my prices to reflect my change in skill, my turnaround time, and my actual audience. That being said, I am flexible and open to discussing prices with commissioners interested in multiple pieces or something within my particular niche. Don’t be afraid to approach me.

You can contact me through tumblr, twitter, or if you have it, my discord (not listed here.)

Please see the terms above about the process of requesting a slot and payment. Payment is only done through paypal at this time. I am open doing the vast majority of topics in my art, the exceptions listed above. If in doubt, feel free to talk to me, or request a private, anonymous commission.

If you can’t afford something or would only like to donate, my ko-fi is listed in the commission post above (mostly because linking it makes tumblr angry for some reason.)

Now, onward to an explanation and breakdown of my current financial situation so y’all can get an idea as to what I am facing at the moment. This will be under a read more to save dash space. Apologies ahead of time to mobile users.

For those who may not know, I have been in charge of my grandparents finances for the past year or so, mostly because of their health and deteriorating state. Coupled with other family drama and troubles, I am on the hook for the annual taxes currently. I am in need of ~$2500 to pay them by the end of the month. This takes into account paypal fees, bank fees, and potential late fees on my end.

Speaking of my grandparents, my grandfather recently took out a mailbox while driving and destroyed the passenger side mirror and window. Safelite is coming tomorrow to fix the window for ~$375 and I will need an additional ~$125 to replace the power mirror.

Earlier this year I had a medical evaluation that concluded, yes, I do in fact have ADHD. It was the first step in getting my mental health in check. But my insurance has a stupid high deductible and refused to cover those tests. I now owe a doctor $2990.

As an aside about my health, I’ve been having a series of complex, bullshit, dental issue for the past six months. I need to have a root canal on top of regular restorative procedures done between now and the end of the year. This is going to cost anywhere from ~$1500-$2000.

I’m currently on the hook for a credit card bill from renovating my Uncle’s (the one who has/had lung cancer but refused to stop smoking/drinking) house and basement. Combined with my other monthly credit expenses, ie gas, groceries, etc, I’m in debt, credit card wise, for ~$4000. No one else is offering/willing to pay for the materials and time and labor, so I guess that’s on me...

Im just a bit bitter about that last one...

Look, I know its completely unreasonable to ask for commission work/donations to compensate and pay for ALL of these expenses. They are my own. I am going to start working a new job soon. I do have the means in the long term to take care of some of these bills. But things like the taxes and the credit card issue are actively making it impossible for me to find and afford an apartment. These things are keeping me tethered to a family that has done nothing but taken advantage of me. And I refuse to give in.

I know my commissioners from way back when, those who have been waiting an inordinate amount of time, might be skeptical of my work and turnaround time, but I swear I am making progress and I will do justice to every single person who is or ends up in my work queue.

I am willing to work for this, and if you’d like to be something of a Medici to my poor, peasant artist ass in 15th century Florence, by all means...

Thank you for your time, y’all.

[ultraviolencced]

pls read maybe

ok so i’ve debated doing this because i really hate asking for help in any way but i’ve gotten really desperate and don’t know what else to do, and i saw someone post something like this the other day with no context to it so i decided if they did it and so many other people do it maybe i’ll try for right now.

so i’m gonna add in all the details bc i see other people do it and the more details there are the more people want to help, i just don’t want to sound like i’m whining and asking for sympathy bc i’m not, i’m just asking for a little help. i have lupus, biploar and aspergers. i was diagnosed with lupus last july and they started rigorous treatment for it including starting chemotherapy in january. despite this it’s getting worse, it went from attacking my joints and causing permanent damage in multiple joints to starting to attack my kidneys and internal organs. something is seriously wrong right now and no one can figure it out, i can’t eat, i throw up all day everyday, am losing a dangerous amount of weight and my body is just not doing well. they think maybe it could be the start of kidney disease, maybe it’s something wrong with my brain, they just don’t know but it’s not good (if anyone is a medical professional and wants a detailed description of my fucky symptoms hmu). i basically live in doctors offices and hospitals and have a ton of prescriptions and it gets really expensive.

i’ve been my grandmas caregiver on and off ever since her cancer diagnosis 6 years ago. she went through chemo and a bone marrow transplant and has been in remission since 2013 but developed some severe complications from those treatments and remained very sick. i’ve been her constant caregiver since last january, we didn’t want a random person coming in and taking care of her so my grandpa officially hired me to do the job. she’s been on hospice for a few months now but seemed to sort of stable out and they were actually considering taking her off as it didn’t seem like she was getting any worse. two weeks ago that all changed and they officially said she is at the end of her life. as of today may 15th 2018 she only has days left, she’s been unconscious the last few days and her kidneys, bowel, and one lung have shut down. it sucks, i’m not doing good emotionally with this and neither is the rest of my family. because she is gone i’m no longer her caregiver and no longer have a job.

because of my health problems getting another job right now is impossible. i can’t really be on the job (that’s not at home like i have been) exorcist vomiting and laying on the bathroom floor crying because i feel so bad. my body is really weak, i’m really sick, sometimes just doing laundry exhausts me. even though i don’t have a job right now my schedule is full, i’m not exaggerating when i say i’m always at the doctor, trying to find a job where i can take the time off i need is pretty hard. until they can figure out and try to treat what’s wrong with me a job is just not really possible. it’s just me my mom and my sister and i was the other main source of income along with my mom, it’s not like she’s loaded, we struggle financially even with our two full time incomes and my sisters part time income. now that i’m not making any money we’re even more fucked than usual.

to rub salt in the shit wound that is my life i was in a car accident that totaled my car and injured me pretty bad. (bad whiplash but because my body is compromised and i already have two compressed vertebrae from my arthritis my neck is fucked). as usual with insurance companies they fucked me with my settlement and are giving me next to no money for everything. now i have no car, no job, and a non functioning body. the bills from my accident are insanely expensive on top of my normal medical bills. sitting on my table right now are close to $8k in just medical bills, that doesn’t include regular bills like gas and electricity or groceries. i am a full time student but financial aid only goes to school, i never take out more than what’s needed for tuition and books because the less debt i’m in the better. (i went to community college before university and am still paying off that student debt)

i have a lot of expenses right now and just can’t afford all of them. i’ve donated to a lot of peoples paypals and go fund me’s on here that ended up being total scams and they didn’t actually need help so i completely understand if no one wants to give anything. even $5 would help at this point because that’s $5 i can give to one of my doctors, some of them let me have a payment plan of really small amounts. i really hate even asking this because most people are in a bad financial situation because life is expensive. if you can’t afford to give anything because of your situation don’t give me anything i don’t want anyone to have to struggle with their own money because my life sucks right now. if you are in a position where you can help and want to i can’t even express how much it would mean to me. i really really don’t like asking for this and feel really bad but i thought it would be worth a try. i could send you a cute picture of one of my animals if you want, i just feel bad asking for something for nothing because i’ve been working since i was 17 to earn my own money so i’m just not used to this. i’m going to add a link to my paypal and venmo if anyone can and wants to help a girl out. thanks for reading this long rambling post about my mess of a life, i love all of you with my whole heart, you’re all angels just for reading this.

update: my grandma passed away on may 17th 

https://www.paypal.me/taylorvivienne

https://venmo.com/taylor_vivienne

[scentedrunawayshark]

Open Enrollment resumes for 3 months Feb. 15th-May 15th, 2021. Affordable health insurance is now available.

What you need to know for this Special Enrollment Period

The Coronavirus pandemic has cost millions of Americans their health coverage as they lost jobs in the economic fallout. To help counteract the economic damage, the Biden administration has reopened the Health Insurance Marketplace.  This will help millions of uninsured people select affordable health insurance policies under this special enrollment period.  Additionally, those who already have a plan through the Healthcare Exchange may change their coverage.

Dates to Buy Marketplace Health Insurance During the Pandemic Special Enrollment Period:

February 15th to May 15th, 2021

This is a unique opportunity to purchase health insurance for you and your family.  If you missed the recent Open Enrollment period, this is the perfect time to arrange healthcare. To make getting healthcare easy, we’ve provided a guide to prepare you.

Contents [hide]

You’re going to be asked a few questions when you apply.  

Here’s Some of the Information You Should Have Ready:

Compare Each Plans Details

2 mistakes that will Cancel your Insurance BEFORE it Starts

The documentation you will likely Need to Provide:

Proof of identity, citizenship, and age

Proof of residence/home address

Proof of current or future income

Other sources of income:

Attestation of Non-Incarceration Status

Proof they don’t have Medicaid

Proof that You DON’T Have Medicare

You’re going to be asked a few questions when you apply.  

This information is needed to determine which insurance plans are available to you.  Available insurance plans and rates are based on Geography (Zipcode), Age, Income, and other factors.  Cost-Sharing Reductions can also be calculated using this information, like Insurance Subsidies and Premium Tax credits that lower your rates!

We’ll help you find the VERY BEST HEALTH PLAN from more than 600 top insurance companies.

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Here’s Some of the Information You Should Have Ready:

The Full names, dates of birth, and Social Security numbers of everyone in your household, plus any dependents you want to insure,

Home and mailing addresses for everyone you plan to insure,

Income information, including W2s, 1099s, alimony, and child support for everyone you plan to insure,

It’ll be helpful to have your most recent tax return handy; It will have most of the information you need

If you are covered under a health plan, have that information nearby

Whether you, or anyone you plan to insure, has access to coverage through their employer

Some basic details about your lifestyle and health, including whether you or those you plan to insure, smoke or vape.

After this special enrollment opens on February 15th, and you have all the information you need to apply for health care coverage, you can get full-service help here, or go to do it yourself at https://www.healthcare.gov/. This is where applying for health insurance often gets daunting for many people.

For DIYers, the application process is easy and straightforward, yet it can be confusing. And some families go through the process second-guessing themselves and wonder — perhaps all year — if they ended up with the right insurance plan for them or if they could have qualified for less expensive options.

You SAVE NO MONEY by doing it yourself and using a State-based exchange.

If you use a Private Marketplace, you’ll also get more options with a wider range of insurance plans.  They also offer more Dental, Vision, and other supplemental insurance options.

The Insurance professionals at TrueCoverage provide guidance, review plans from 600+ insurance companies, and specializes in qualifying you for VERY low-cost or FREE $0 health coverage by providing personal service, backed by our advanced technology, to ensure that you receive every premium tax credit and health insurance subsidy available.

Compare Each Plans Details

The key to finding the best insurance is to compare the available plans carefully. It’s tempting to shop solely based on premium cost, but health insurance is more complicated than that. Here are factors to consider:

What coverage does it provide?

All ACA-compliant plans must provide some basic coverage, but that doesn’t mean they’re all the same. Look at the details of the benefits to understand what you’re actually purchasing.

What Drugs are covered?

For more about the Affordable Care Act: https://truecoverage.com/blog/an-affordable-care-act-refresher-trump-healthcare-in-2020/

Refer to this article for more information: https://truecoverage.com/blog/why-are-not-all-drugs-covered-under-health-insurance/

Which providers can you see?

What are the deductibles, co-pays, and out-of-pocket maximums?

Are your favourite Doctors and specialists in-network for the plan?

Will have to change doctors to make healthcare more affordable next year?

Important to estimate how much your out-of-pocket expense will be for different plans.

For more information: https://truecoverage.com/blog/what-is-a-health-insurance-deductible/

What company is it through?

This is an often-overlooked consideration, but if you’ve had a poor experience with one insurance company in the past, you might not want to purchase a plan through them again.

2 mistakes that will Cancel your Insurance BEFORE it Starts

Submit your Documentation immediately

Make Your First Payment on Time

Your insurance plan availability and the rate is based on information you provide during enrollment.  Once you’ve enrolled in your health insurance plan, you must provide proof of those details.  

The documentation you will likely Need to Provide:

Proof of identity, citizenship, and age

Current driver’s license or photo ID.

A current passport

Social Security Card (along with Photo ID)

Other optional documents,

If you’re not a U.S. citizen, show proof of identity and immigration status:

If you don’t have a driver’s license, an official photo ID will do for insurance carriers;

Your birth certificate (U.S. or overseas) or proof of adoption records

ID card from a federal, State, or government agency,

school ID card

marriage records,

proof of military service,

official birth records from a hospital or doctor

I-551 permanent resident card (aka a Green Card)

An employment authorization card, either I-688B or I-766

Proof of residence/home address

For homeowners: a mortgage bill or property tax statement

For tenants: a rent receipt, apartment lease contract, or signed letter from your landlord

A utility bill (gas, electric, cable, telephone (land or cell line), water bill, etc.)

A postmarked envelope with your return mailing address on it

Proof of current or future income

For wages and salary:

If you’re self-employed:

Income tax return, plus a record of earnings (as documented in your 1099 form) or business expenses

Paycheck stubs

A signed and dated letter from your employer on company letterhead.

A federal or State income tax return

Business or payroll records

Other sources of income:

You may need to provide awards letters or payment stubs if you receive Worker’s Comp benefits, veterans benefits, or military pay.

A signed letter or receipt of payment for income received from rent or room/board

If you receive any income or interest payments, provide your prospective health insurer with earnings statements from your bank, credit union, agent, or broker; 1099 for miscellaneous earnings is also applicable

Attestation of Non-Incarceration Status

Each State may have its own form.

In addition to the attestation form, Photo ID as listed above will be required.

Proof they don’t have Medicaid

Letter or statement from a Medicaid or CHIP agency that shows you or your family members aren’t enrolled in or eligible for Medicaid or CHIP

Letter or statement from a Medicaid agency showing you or a family member are enrolled in a Medicaid program that’s not considered qualifying health coverage*

A letter describing your recent health coverage including:

The name of the Medicaid/CHIP program you were enrolled in and when your coverage ended, or

That you were never enrolled in Medicaid/CHIP coverage, or

The name of the Medicaid/CHIP program with limited benefits that you’re enrolled in that would still allow you to enroll in the Marketplace with help paying for coverage

Proof that You DON’T Have Medicare

Letter or statement from Medicare or the Social Security Administration stating your Medicare Part A coverage termination date

Document from a government agency showing you or your family members are:

Only enrolled in Medicare Part B without Part A, or

Eligible for, but not currently enrolled in, premium-based Part A

If you cannot provide a copy of these documents, please see below for other approved documents:

A letter describing your recent health coverage including:

When your Medicare Part A coverage ended,

Your Medicare Part B effective date with an explanation of ineligibility for Part A, or

When your Medicare disability coverage ended

Please, make your 1st payment on time.

“A top reason for policy cancellation is late-payment / Non-payment of the 1st premium.”

You must make your first payment on time for your insurance policy to go into effect. While some insurance plans might provide a grace period on payments, you should never rely on this for the first month’s premium.

[neonpiegon]

Japan

Research Essay - missing some pictures from the original document.

Japan is an archipelago on the eastern edge of Asia, formed by 4 main islands: Hokkaido, Honshu, Shikoku, and Kyushu, plus nearly 4,000 other smaller islands. It has a population of 126,168,156 people, and its area is comparable to that of California or Germany. As a country, it is completely sea-locked, with its nearest neighboring countries being the Siberian region of Russia to the north, North and South Korea and China to the southwest. Almost four fifths of Japan’s land is covered with mountains and forests – the largest mountain range being the Japanese Alps. Japan has about 200 volcanoes, 60 of which are active, with Mt. Fuji being the most famous one and the highest mountain.

Japan has 47 prefectures contained within 8 regions: Hokkaido, Tohoku, Kanto, Chubu, Kansai, Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu.

Humanity in the Japanese archipelago can be traced back to 30,000 B.C. However, the country’s history in itself would rather be explored some time before the 2nd century, during the Jomon and Yayoi Periods, where communities first begin to establish and see the appearance of metallurgy and agriculture. This is the foundation of Japan. The Kofun Period, before the year 538, was when the Yamato clan had great control of the island of Honshu. From 538 to 710 came the Asuka Period, in which the history was enriched with and influenced by the already established Chinese civilization. This period saw the introduction of Buddhism, writing, architecture and sculpture. After that, with the Nara Period came the affirmation of the central power of the emperors, plus the construction of the first capital in Nara and its great temples. The Heian Period came after Nara, from 794 to 1085. The capital was relocated to what is today known as Kyoto. Japan was heavily influenced by China and adopted its style of power, where the clan Fujiwara ruled. With the Kamakura Period, which ran until 1336, the imperial court’s power faded to give place to the samurai clans and the first government of warriors. The Muromachi Period (1336-1491) introduced Japanese feudalism and the fusion of the culture of the samurai and the court, resulting in arts such as the tea ceremony and Noh theater. However, the central power disappeared in The Sengoku Jidai (1491-1603), due to repeated civil wars. Here appeared the Daimyo Warlords, the first contact with Europeans and the introduction of Christianity. In the Edo Period, from 1603 to 1853, Japan was unified under the 3rd Tokugawa Shogunate (government of warriors) and the power was installed in Tokyo. The borders of Japan were completely closed to foreigners and Christianity was prohibited. The country was urbanized and rich merchants developed, just like the Kabuki theater and Nihon printmaking. At the end of Edo, The Bakumatsu (or Late Shogunate, 1853-1868), Japan was forced to open its borders by the Americans, leading to the overthrow of the Tokugawa. This began modernization and industrialization in Japan. The Meiji Era, from 1868 until 1911, restored imperial power and relocated it to Tokyo (previously known as Edo). That is when electricity and the railway first arrived. Japan conquered Korea and Taiwan and was victorious against the Russian Empire and China. In the Taisho Era (1911-1926), the democratic system was first implemented. The Showa Era (1926-1989) began the imperialistic politics and military government and the expansion policy towards China, which involved Japan’s entry in WW2. After its defeat in 1945, the reconstruction of the country was managed under American trusteeship. The Heisei Era (1989-2019) is marked by economic crisis and natural disasters, but also the influence of Japan over the rest of the world. On May 1st, 2019, Emperor Naruhito acceded to the Chrysanthemum Throne, beginning the Reiwa era.

Logically, the official language of Japan is Japanese. The language is based on writing syllables in Hiragana, the traditional set of symbols, and Katakana, mainly used for words that do not exist in traditional Japanese (for example, the word “television” is written as “terebi.”). Japanese also uses Kanji, which is a set of thousands of Chinese characters that have been imported to the Japanese language. Most of the meanings remain the same, but their pronunciation has been adapted to being read in Japanese syllables. Kanji is used to “simplify” Hiragana (i.e. instead of writing two or three characters in Hiragana, you would write only one character of Kanji,) and for proper names.

The most predominant religions are Shinto and Buddhism, respectively. Buddhism was introduced through mainland Asia in the 6th century, but Shinto is almost as ancient as Japan itself. Even though these are the two major religions in Japan, religion on its own does not play a heavy role in the everyday life of Japanese people. Shinto literally means “the way of the Gods;” Japanese gods are called “Kami.”

The core of Shinto are beliefs in the mysterious creation and harmonizing power (musubi) of the kami, and the truthful way or will (makoto) of kami. The nature of kami cannot be fully explained in words because the kami transcend the cognitive faculty of humans. Parishioners of a shrine believe that kami are the source of human life and existence. Each kami has a divine personality and responds to truthful prayers, and may reveal makoto to people and guide them to live in accordance to it. In Shinto, it is commonly said that “man is kami’s child.” First, this means that people are given life by kami and that their nature is therefore sacred. Second, it means that daily life is made possible by kami, and, accordingly, the personalities and lives of people are worthy of respect. Individuals must revere the basic human rights of everyone (regardless of race, nationality, and other distinctions) as well as their own. The concept of original sin is not found in Shinto. Purification is considered symbolically to remove the dust and impurities that cover one’s inner mind.

In Shinto, all the deities are said to cooperate with one another, and life lived in accordance with a kami’s will is believed to produce a mystical power that gains the protection, cooperation, and approval of all the particular kami.

Notable kami revered at Shinto shrines include: Amaterasu Omikami (the Sun goddess), Inari Okami (god of rice and agriculture), Izanagi (the first man), Izanami (the first woman), Tsukuyomi (the Moon god), Raijin (god of lightning, thunder and storms), and many more.

Shinto is also described as a religion of tsunagari (continuity or communion). The Japanese, while recognizing each human being as an individual personality, do not take each to be a solitary being separated from others. On the contrary, one is regarded as the bearer of a long continuous history that comes down from one’s ancestors and continues in one’s descendants.

In practice, Shinto does not have a weekly religious service like in Christianity. People may visit shrines at their convenience. Some may go to shrines on the 1st and 15th of every month, and on rites or festivals (matsuri) several times a year. Devotees may pay respect to the shrine every morning. The Japanese usually have their wedding ceremonies in Shinto style and pronounce their wedding vows to kami. Shinto funeral ceremonies, however, are not popular. Most of the Japanese are Buddhist and Shintoist at the same time and have their funerals in Buddhist style. A traditional Japanese house has two family altars: one, Shinto, for their tutelary kami and the goddess Amaterasu Omikami, and another, Buddhist, for the family ancestors. Pure Shinto families, however, will have all ceremonies and services in Shinto style.

Each Shinto shrine has several major festivals each year, including the Spring Festival (Haru Matsuri), Autumn Festival (Aki Matsuri), Annual Festival (Rei-Sai), and the Divine Procession (Shinko-Sai).

At festivals, Shintoists may perform different types if rituals at the shrine, such as: Purification, Adoration, Offerings, Prayers, Sacred Music and Dance, Feast (naorai), etc.

As history has shown, Japanese people are very proud and respectful in their everyday life, as such many customs and manners have been developed that many foreigners may think of them as strange or unnecessary. At the start of a meal, it’s common to say in a brief prayer pose “itadakimasu” (I humbly receive). When eating dinner, it is inappropriate to eat directly from common dishes (where everyone can grab a portion of food), as you should put your portion on your plate first, and to reach for the item closest to you and at the top of the plate. If someone else is picking food from a common dish, give them some space. Also, playing with chopsticks, or using them for anything other than eating, is considered disrespectful, because the chopsticks may contain your saliva or traces of food and so they should be flung around in the air as little as possible; use chopstick holders whenever you’re not eating. Do not try to stab food with your chopsticks. If a chopstick is messy, let it be messy, and do not try to pass food chopstick-to-chopstick, as it resembles a funeral. At dinner parties, it’s somewhat rude to pour your own drink. As such, you should pour everyone else’s drink except yours, someone will notice and pour your drink. Walking and eating is seen as sloppy. “Gochisosama Deshita” (It was a feast) is used to thank someone for preparing a meal or for paying the bill (someone else paid) and compliment good service (paid yourself). The traditional Japanese diet consists of minimally processed, seasonal foods served in a variety of small dishes. This style of eating emphasizes dishes’ natural flavors rather than masking them with sauces or seasonings. The diet is rich in steamed rice, noodles, fish, tofu, natto, seaweed, and fresh, cooked, or pickled fruits and vegetables but low in added sugars and fats. It may also contain some eggs, dairy, or meat, although these typically make up a small part of the diet.

Keigo (honorific language) is a polite level of speech that includes different levels of humble, formal and respectful terms. It is complicated to master this level of speech, even for native speakers of Japanese, as some situations may not require it or the incorrect term was used. However, it is considered very rude to avoid using keigo. It is most appropriate to address someone by their last name followed by the polite suffix “-san.”

Oseibo and Ochugen are winter and summer gifts respectively given at year-end and around Obon (Festival of the Dead) given to relatives, neighbors and anyone who has helped you out in the past year, such as a doctor or teacher.

When greeting, the Japanese understand that foreigners tend to shake hands; nonetheless, shaking hand is more usual for business introductions. The usual way to greet is a bow, the deeper the bow, the higher the respect given… or the higher the shame felt by the person bowing, according to the situation. Bowing can go from just slightly nodding your head downwards, to being in a 90 degrees angle directly looking down, and a lazy bow is considered disrespectful. Getting on your knees (seiza) with your head down is used in deep prayers or when begging for forgiveness, as if you are experiencing intense shame. Bowing and shaking hands at the same time is seen as awkward. The formal bow is usually 45 degrees.

Try not to touch another person, as the Japanese are generally uncomfortable with physical interaction. Pointing is also considered rude and threatening. Instead, people tend to indicate directions with an open hand or even avoiding gestures at all. When feeling uncomfortable, the Japanese tend to be indirect and try to avoid conflict where possible, dropping subtle hints about their feelings rather than direct, bold statements. Japanese people are very patient and resist honking at other drivers out of irritation. Brief honks and light flashing is most often used in friendly gestures, such as warnings. When accepting a call, try to be discrete and very quiet, and not to talk on the phone on a train or in a café. In an elevator, the person closest to the buttons operates the doors and should help people select their floor. The person nearest to the door should also be the last one to get off. It is customary to take off any backpack on a crowded train and hold it in your hands. Many taxi doors in Japan are automatic, and the driver will get a little upset if you operate the door yourself. Tipping servers at restaurants or taxi drivers can be considered insulting or at least confusion. Walking and smoking is viewed as dangerous and inconsiderate, being the idea that you could accidentally burn someone on a crowded street. In Japan this is taken very seriously, and it might even be illegal to walk and smoke in some areas.

When entering a home and many establishments where you can rest, the entrance will have a space to change your shoes for indoor slippers. This is done as to not to bring the impurity and uncleanliness of the world into your home. Tatami floors (made from rice straw or compressed wood chips) are common on traditional households, and no kind of slippers or shoes should walk upon them. Bathroom slippers are exclusive for use in washrooms and bringing them into other rooms in considered shameful. In Japan, bathing is seen as a relaxing leisure activity rather than an act of cleansing. One must completely shower with soap before entering a bath; this applies for home baths and public hot springs (onsen). There may also be available garden slippers for balcony, garden or outside use. Japanese cultural activities, such as theatre and tea ceremony tend to require formal wear. Restaurants and office work usually do too.

Because the Japanese have a deep philosophical approach to graphic designs of all kinds, they value their national flag for its simplicity, striking contrasts, and appropriate symbolism. The “hot” red of the sun symbol contrasts with its “cool” white background, and the circle of the sun contrasts with the rectangle of the flag itself. The pole on which it is to be officially hoisted is rough natural bamboo, while the finial at the top is a shiny gold ball.

It is considered extremely racist and disrespectful to compare a Chinese person, or any other person of Asiatic features, to a Japanese person, as it is done so by so many ignorant people. One of the main reasons for this comes from an event during World War II, when the Japanese army invaded the village of Nanking (or Nanjing), resulting in the mass murder, burning, looting, and rape of its villagers. This event is infamously known as the Nanking Massacre or Rape of Nanking.

After World War II, Japan had a radical change to its whole country and people. All large cities (except for Kyoto), the industries and transportation networks were severely damaged. Japan basically lost all the territory acquired after 1894. In addition, the Kurile islands were occupied by the Soviet Union, and the Ryukyu Islands, including Okinawa, were controlled by the USA. Okinawa was returned to Japan in 1972. Over 500 military officers committed suicide right after Japan surrendered, and many hundreds more were executed for committing war crimes. A new constitution went into effect in 1947: The emperor lost all political and military power, and was solely made the symbol of the state. Universal suffrage was introduced and human rights were guaranteed. Japan was also forbidden to ever lead a war again or to maintain an army. Furthermore, Shinto and the state were clearly separated. Especially during the first half of the occupation, Japan's media was subject to a rigid censorship of any anti-American statements and controversial topics such as the race issue. With the peace treaty that went into effect in 1952, the U.S. occupation ended. Japan's Self Defense Force was established in 1954. After the Korean War, and accelerated by it, the recovery of Japan's economy flourished. The economic growth resulted in a quick rise of the living standards, changes in society and the stabilization of the ruling position of the Liberal Democratic Party. Japan's relations to the Soviet Union were normalized in 1956, the ones to China in 1972. The 1973 oil crisis shocked the Japanese economy which was heavily depended on oil. The reaction was a shift to high technology industries.

After previous bans for publishing and censorship from the fascist period of WWII in Japanese media were lifted, the animated film industry and manga (basically, Japanese comics) began to flourish, but not before having to deal with the repercussions of the war. Gojira (Godzilla) was created as a metaphor to represent the use of nuclear weapons against the Japanese at the end of World War 2 and has now developed to be recognized as an official citizen of Japan. Osamu Tezuka, creator of Astro Boy and known in Japan as the God of Manga and Godfather of Anime, led the manga explosion of what would one day become one of the biggest entertainment industries in the world. Animation mainly took off in the 60’s and 70’s, when technology made it more accessible to produce the shows and to consume them. In contrast to western animation, which is generally directed to be “family friendly,” Japanese animation and manga can virtually explore any theme imaginable, from daily life as a middle school student to the psychological repercussions of war crimes while attempting to kill God to cleanse yourself of all sins and restart the universe.

In the modern day, Japan is known for being one of the most technologically advanced and civilized countries in the entire world, with even the crime rates being virtually null. Japan is naturally beautiful, with enough forests, mountains and lakes for a lifetime, and the metropolises of Japan are no exception to being astonishing, vibrant, and adventurous. Just the history of the country and learning its language are enough reason to gain interest in this wonderful land. After someone experiences the land that brought to life Godzilla and Mobile Suit Gundam, nobody would think about leaving. It’s the nest of the whole anime industry, with the most kawaii (cute) of souvenirs and , which I would one day want to visit myself.

Bibliography

Toyoda, Takeshi; Notehelfer, F.G.; et al. (1998-2020). Japan, history. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/place/Japan/History

Hirai, Naofusa. (1999-2019). Shintō. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Shinto

The Editors of Encyclopedia Britannica. (1998-2020). Nanjing Massacre. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/event/Nanjing-Massacre

Spacey, J. (2009). 50 Japanese Manners and Customs. Japan Talk. https://www.japan-talk.com/jt/new/japanese-manners-and-customs

Lonely Planet. (n.d.). History. Lonely Planet. https://www.lonelyplanet.com/japan/narratives/background/history

Japan Experience. (2020). Timeline of Japan’s History. Japan Experience. https://www.japan-experience.com/to-know/the-history-of-japan/history-of-japan-timeline

Petre, A. (2019). What Is the Japanese Diet Plan? All You Need to Know. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/japanese-diet

Japan Guide. (n.d.). Geography. Japan Guide. https://www.japan-guide.com/list/e1000.html

Japan Guide. (n.d.). Religion in Japan. Japan Guide. https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e629.html

Japan Guide. (n.d.). Japanese Language. Japan Guide. https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e621.html

National Geographic. (n.d.). Japan. National Geographic Kids. https://kids.nationalgeographic.com/explore/countries/japan/

Japan Rail Pass. (n.d.). Regions of Japan. Japan Rail Pass. https://www.jrailpass.com/blog/regions-of-japan

[greyscaleproject]

Hello!

Okay not poetry or an essay or anything today - this will just be some thoughts about my life currently if anyone cares and is reading this. 

(Stay tuned it gets less dumb, although a little Hallmark-y after I ramble about my life.)

On the 15th (of May, 2018) I moved out of my freshman dorm and into my first apartment. This was a stressful experience, as it would not all fit in the car in one trip, Boston traffic, and needing to get to work later in the day. However, I made it, got to work and everything. The next morning was my last final, and I woke up half an hour before it was supposed to start, I threw on shoes and ran to get on the T, ended up getting to my exam half an hour after it started, but I wrote four pages in the hour I had remaining and finished on time, feeling good about what I wrote. 

My room was a complete mess when I left to catch the bus back home, and I finally got back to my apartment last night at about 8pm. I spent most of the night unpacking belongings and putting clothes away and cleaning. After I finished with the stuff I needed to organize in my room I took some photos (including the above) because my room looked pretty, and I was excited. I went to bed at 1am, which is the earliest I’ve actually chosen to sleep in months at this point. 

This morning I put away all my other non-refrigerated food, finished cleaning, and decorated. My room is now adorable with plants and flowers and so nice and sunny, although the kitchen is on the inside of the building and has no windows, so its hot and dark in there. 

So, now for less of a dumb journal entry: It’s incredible being 19 years old and having my own apartment, having my own job, paying all my own bills, and actually being completely independent. I am legitimately running my own life at this point; my parents have no control over me anymore. 

It’s so freeing realizing this deeply, rather than just strictly rationally. I am on my own. For most 19 year olds, this would probably be a terrifying realization. Most 19 year olds have not gone through what I have in my life, and are probably, especially in our current political and economic state, clinging to their safety net and welcoming moving back home for the summer. 

So much has happened to me even this school year that my current position is an absolute blessing, and I am so so grateful for where I am. Ten months ago I was somewhat timid, anxiety-ridden, barely stable enough to be out of a psych ward, and had no clue what I wanted for my future. I didn’t even know what major I wanted to be in (although I really should have - there was really only ever one option for me because I’ve loved printmaking since high school). Now I am outgoing - although still mostly introverted - healthy, happy, planning ahead, unashamedly myself, and self-sufficient enough to be able to live on my own.

Considering where I was at the beginning of my senior year of high school, when I didn’t think I would make it out alive to graduate and had no hope for my future, I am now a very different person. At my core, I am essentially still me: same values and morals, same inner personality, same sarcasm, same empathy. BUT: I am no longer afraid. I am not afraid of the future, and I am not afraid of myself. I am not afraid to wear what I want where I want. I am not afraid to speak my mind. I have realized my attractiveness and now own it. I used to scare people in high school to a certain extent (including myself), and people respected me because I was smart, but not because I fit into their circle. Now people actually legitimately think I am cool and interesting, and I am valuable for more than just my good grades (especially because most of my classes are pass/fail and not letter grades) and people in my major above me tell me I am creating good work, which makes me all warm inside. I still haven’t quite found a group of my kind of people yet to be friends with at school, and my few friends are from work, but as my section in my major is pretty small, I’m sure I’ll find my group when we all officially begin our major classes.

Long story short, when people say “It gets better,” it’s not just some catch phrase neurotypical people say to make themselves feel better. It really really truly does get better. I am always going to struggle with bipolar and anxiety and I will be on medications for the rest of my life, but this doesn’t mean I can take ownership of my life and live it in exactly the way that I want to to fulfill my happiness. I do not need to live my life for others for it to be valuable. Yes, of course, I will face struggles - I’ve been doing this all year - but it doesn’t mean the struggles won’t be worth it in the end and that I should give up right now.

The future is still very uncertain for me, as, like I said, I really am on my own. So far, my only plans are to complete college and officially move to Mass if I am able to take the room one of my coworkers is offering my in the apartment she and her friends have. The trick really is baby steps. If you don’t know what you’re doing, it can be scary, but take it a step at a time until the road ahead seems clearer. Sometimes, you will just be thrown into situations, and yes, it will be scary and maybe even traumatic for a while, but you will get through this, and you will come out on the other side, ready to take on anything.

Have courage, do you, and always be kind and have empathy. You never know what someone else is dealing with. Just know that you are not and never will be alone in your experiences, and that it will get better.

Shoot me a message if you ever want/need to talk - I’ll try and be on the internet more now that I’m not in school.

xoxo, Emma