#They're sending me to 3 different specialists to see if it really is just because of my arfid or not

[istoleludwigsbaumkuchen]

My body feels like it's falling apart and I can hardly take it anymore

(Vent in tags)

[the-firebird69]

Uniforms are different and the ones in the foreground are higher level officers than the one in the back to the right and they are a specialist too in Black and the others are Marines officers and their high ranking but are not as high as the ones to left and he can order them to do things and it's needed to have structure and they do like it it works and they are reminiscent of War too but not the same thing in a different War

Starship trooper Commander

Her son is issuing these with our permission and we do of course have a reason for doing it and we are of course always accused of controlling the bugs and they do that to try and get us to stop them and so forth and that might slow down a little them saying all that it's against their protocols which it should be and we are defending ourselves sometimes using bugs and this is going to be a momentous occasion. He wants them to sign up you see wants to see as well but what's a reaction will be but he also wants them to see that they need to do something else other than bother him and us too because there's a huge huge nuisance and these things are out there getting stronger and bigger and taking their stuff they're going to find stashes of their stuff up there and all over Earth where they are it sounds hilarious but they're not really just bugs they're part human just as your friend is part bat

Zig Zag

I did State part of the above but he's having to do it this is his area of expertise and he's awesome at it and these things destroy things rapidly and they are worried about it and they need to know where they are and what they're doing and it's going to go well I hear and it's going to change things hopefully for the better now it will be changed for the better and shortly we are looking at removing the huge shift still and we have hours left 3 hours roughly two and a half and we might be able to do it and it seems as no and our father and mother is probably not so going to shoot for tonight and we're going to apply effort and a lot of it and it's sending orders and he's going to come to me and Freya and verify so I'm going to Olympus now and then moving out we have to control these bugs too

Thor Freya

This is an approved message and we also enjoy what he's doing and we understand it it went on for a little while he says but it's worth it and to be out of my hair and also teach people a little discipline and try and push me around a little heavy do stuff but it's better than what's going on I don't do well in a quagmire and this place stinks and it's too much brush it's a tender box he says the last part and we did approve it and we are also motivated by it to be in here as well

Olympus

[kalopsiadaemon]

Hi tumblr, been a while!

I rarely post here now compared to how much I used to and I'm sorry about that.

So I've decided to make a post to let you guys know, who are still following, what I'm up to right now!

Work update:

For the last year I have been working full time as a freelance animator working on a new League of Legends game! Pretty cool right? I haven't been able to share any of the work I've been doing due to NDAs but as soon as I have the go ahead to share things I will! I'd love to show you all the cool stuff I've been doing!

However after today I will be done with that contract and back to being self employed again. So for anyone who may have been wanting to request a commission during my long break from them, you should have a chance to soon! I will be taking a short week break from any work though before I do to take some time off but I'll update here when they're open. And to those I've already been in contact with about commissions, I'll reply via email with an update!

Also because I was working full time this year I haven't had much time off to work on any personal art, fanart and projects so that's why posting on my socials have been super spotty! So I'm hoping to start posting more again soon.

Health update:

To those that don't know I'll give a short TLDR; basically I have had chronic knee pain since I was 13, so 10/11 years ago, and in 2020 it got drastically worse to the point where it effects my daily life and I am in constant 24 hour pain. I'm have been in the long process of having my knee examined and have seen many different specialists with no real answer. But I may finally have an answer now that makes sense and am on a waiting list for an MRI to verify it! It's taken a very long time to get to this point but having a solid answer as to why I have daily chronic pain, and then possible avenues to start getting better is a huge relief.

Once the diagnosis has been verified I will update you all on what the result is and what further treatment I may need, including possibly surgery.

But for now, thank you to those that have sent me words of encouragement on this over the years, it really means a lot!

Other health issues I have, including my fatigue issue, have been put on the backburner this year due to my knee being more serious of a concern, but tbh it has been a lot better! And it may actually be directly linked to stress from my chronic pain. But we'll see when it comes to getting treatment, how much that'll improve.

General life update:

On a more happier note, for those that don't follow my twitter where I update most often, I actually moved out this year in May and have been living in my first apartment!

It has been such a huge change that was much needed and I truly have been thriving here. And I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for everyone who has supported my creative endeavours over the years so honestly, thank you guys so much <3

Also I have been on a bit of a witchy/spiritual journey this year too and have thrown myself into tarot! Which has very eye opening for me and a really cool experience. And I may have some fun creative projects in mind...such as making my own tarot deck...so stay tuned for that if that's up your alley

So after that huge update, if any of you guys would like to ask me anything or just say hi, please feel free to send me an ask! I would love to connect with you all again. I've really missed it here~

Also if you'd like to support me on other platforms, I am most active on twitter @kalopsiadaemon! And occasionally post to insta. But from now I'm hoping to be more active over here and on my other platforms!

Thank you all again for still continuing to support my art over here despite my practically year long absence. It really truly means the world to me. I hope you all are doing well <3

[thefreshfinds]

UNDERSTAND M.E: Irate Specialist

By: Natalee Gilbert

These days, New Jersey based rapper Irate Specialist is all-smiles. The science behind his happy-go-lucky attitude stems from being positive and speaking his truth. On average most rappers speak on material goods and degrade women. Specialist, however, puts the pen to pad so he can gain traction from crowds worldwide. Because of this, Specialist overexceeds in creating relatable content. He's simply connecting people by telling his story. His album Understand M.E vouches for this. Describing his genre as positive turn up shit, the 12-tracked project Understand M.E is just that. The project comes with different vibes that caters to different people while still showing others who he is and whats made or broke him. His first album on SoundCloud is titled Don’t Sleep on M.E. For this new project, Specialist wanted it to be personal so people could actually understand him and know who he is. Specialist describes the process for creating Understand M.E like assembling a puzzle. A super fun and loud puzzle. Technicality wise, Specialist wavers in flows but keeps his rhymes enunciated. Aside from this, he throws in incredible punchlines. One being his favorite off one song, "I’m the best if you ask me/ Asshole go rest ‘tween two ass cheeks/ We’re as a whole connected through our energy." Referencing back to Understand M.E, he says "When listening you should expect to get to know me. How see/saw myself, how I see others and how I believe people should see themselves. I believe the best music is honest and vulnerable and I know many people agree. That’s why I love music."

1. The first track, "97" lets Specialist become a narrator and he uses this role to unveil his backstory. With a daunting piano progression striking fear in the speakers, Specialist begins "97" by saying this: "Birthday on a blizzard/The cold world will work with him/Producing patience and wisdom.Through growing pains and learned lessons/Mental breakdown, deep depression." As the track progresses, the piano chords demand to be heard. This one-liner solely represents why, "A quiet mind, a vibrant mind in society, it silenced him." Afterwards, a short-lived break makes way so the prophetic artist can continue his story. However, everything comes together at the minute mark. As a repetitive blare joins forces with live instuments, "97" transitions to "Hooligans"

2. "Hooligans" comes through the speakers with a knock. After glass shatters, "Hooligans" soundscape sounds more playful. Some can even say it draws from video games. In high school, Specialist was one of the cool kids, but still questioned who he was. He says, "depression on my mind was restin' while I was at school." Deeper in tune, Specialist displays different flows that come with enunciated rhymes. Ultimately, one can tell he had fun with "Hooligans" and they wonder if they're one too. Specialist adds that "Hooligan" is just nostalgia and him reminiscing on high school shenanigans

3. "W.O(ah)" is an ode to West Orange. Starting off, Specialist even says "The oranges gave me that zest, so that I can be the fucking best." Moving forward, Specialist continues to make references towards West Orange. For instance, he raps "The juiciest, stay well-dressed/ And when I'm pressed, stay positive." Likewise, Specialist takes the W after mentioning New Jersey native Samad Savage's event, Best Of Essex. At a certain time, Specialist got well-accquainted with instrumentals. Moving forward, he reminsces on those high-school days where his mind was elsewhere. After a long day, he'd go home and put on Kanye West. In turn, he'd get in his zone. Production-wise, "W.O(ah)" is boom-bap ridden and meshes spacey synths with muffled 808's.

4. On the other hand, "Paradigm" speaks about the importance of energy. Aside from this, "Paradigm" speaks on racism and how, despite our skin color, we are all the same. "Paradigm" also says that not everyone has good intentions over a spacey soundscape.

5. "B.F.G" which stands for black friendly guy, advises listeners to pick up on every word. Specialist says that it's best to be aware and optimistic. In a world of naysayers, be the one who changes their way of thinking. Society says black man equals crime, but B.F.G's are meant to break this stigma. Eventually, Specialist says they'll do their part and be accepted. His saying "why be normal?" is thrown into the mix as well.

6. Afterwards, Specialist's alternative R&B classic, “Goddesses” embraces those with black girl magic. He'd be lying if he said that he wasn't coo-coo for cocoa puffs. His main preference, however is authenticity. Regardless of his love interest's hair type, Specialist is sprung. To send positive affirmations, Specialist calls on Dianne Johnson who sings the chorus in a sweet, airy vocal range "you got it, you got it sis." He's come to learn ultimately that every woman is a goddess and it's shown in how they glow. Time and time again, he's dealt with a severed heart, but music always mended the wounds.

7. In the name of Punjabi, "Glad :D ft. Blind Eyez" begins with a snippet of a woman singing in this style. Then, the base has at it, banging through speakers with aggression. "Glad :D" comes with an intention to call out "these little rappers" that are comfortable doing the bare minimum. Rather than invest, they'd spend it on artificial nonsense like new hats or jewelry. In turn, Specialist concludes what this truly means, "So I guess they're happy that they're trash like the Glad bag." Blind Eyez matches Specialist's energy, stating hand-outs in the Garden State is frowned upon. He even goes so far as to say, "I know some artist that moved away to get more support and help themselves. You can't blame them, classic crabs in a barrel." As the track moves forward, "Glad :D" intensifies its baseline and the hi-hats become sporadic. "Glad :D" just so happens to be Specialist's favorite track. "Blind Eyez and I always are able to catch a vibe when we’re in the studio together." he says "Plus hanging out and recording with DJ Denz gives us the freedom to really let loose and have a fun time."  

8. "A Positive" draws from a melodic trap beat and Specialist applauds his positive outlook towards life. Because of this, Specialist has manifested destiny everyday. It's also safe to say his futures looking promising. "A Positive" also speaks on how positivity has gotten him far. He even advises others to do the same in this line, "Push your negative thoughts away, it's the first step you must take. It took me a while to get this way. See the work is worth the wait."

9. Last but not least, "Stop" comes with the intent to motivate others. Over a eerie trap beat, Specialist speaks on how he'll grind until he reaches the top. "Golden thoughts, Midas touch. So you know I'll never stop." His energy, to say the least is transferrable and we, too begin to feel hyped. Besides this Specialist goes in-depth about what hard work can do for you. At this point of time, Specialist says it's gained him only but the finest greenery, acclamations, and melanin goddesses. Yet Specialist gives credit to his positive mindset as well. Once the 2 minute mark hits, his voice gets deeper as he speaks about what else success can do for him. Technicality wise, Specialist uses an oscillating flow with clear-cut rhymes. He says "Stop" is just a hard ass track that he loves. "Honestly its one of my favorite tracks that I’ve made so far." 

Understand M.E also comes with comes with short interludes, “Past,” “Present,” and “Future.”

Listen to Understand M.E below and follow Irate Specialist:

1. Understand M.E:

2. Instagram: @irate_specialist

[kyunsies]

hello friend fam <3 <3

never apologies for being late, i always take ages and it's nice waiting for you, like a little letter :)

sigh - they're okay, but they're going to see a lot of specialists and it's just a lot of pfaff you know? and then how long things take always makes stuff an issue or more of an anxiety thing? thank you for asking though <3

ahsjdakshdk ok it is called encephalitis lethargica - i'm sure youre medial brain can do way better in learning and understand it than i can. but yes i do worry - i get so weird about dirt haha like i had sitting near windows sometimes because if all the dirt by the windows lol. let me know what you think though haha XD

OH MY GOSH i hate all nighters - you talking about that as a kid reminds me of that! do you have to do lots of all nighters these days? i agree though. i'm trying to prioritise sleep more these days: have you managed to get more sleep this summer? when i was a kid i had to do the same arty things that i do today so i was working really really late so i could do it all alongside school stuff. youre childhood sounds nice though! what jobs did you do when you were 15? was it something nice? family trips to the beach?! that sounds so so beautiful and wonderful and like a dream! we don't have nice beaches here (or not many, anyway) it's probably been like, three years since i've seen a nice one! is san diego far from where you are? i think in europe i'm used to everything being close so a short trip for you guys sometimes means a lot longer in distance than i would think?

you did sport??!?!? omg what sport did you do? that story about your mom though T.T oh my gosh, that made me so emotional. parents really do so much for us, don't there? i do worry cause we are all so busy these days and i couldn't imagine fitting a kid in it! but then other friends do so... it must be doable??!

BIG AGREE ON THE RELIGION GROUNDING YOU THING. but also as women we feel like we have to soft and apologise all the time? like all of that stuff just layered on top of each other makes it super super vicious you know? but omg i still apologise for things i don't need to as well. it's too ingrained in me lol XD

i get over anxious about EVERYTHING? like all the scenarios pop into my heart and they become a whole thing before they have even vaguely happened? so yes yes i get you so much. whenever you feel like it gets too much for you please just keep offloading onto me, i'm always here to listen, or i can always come off anon to help you :) :) you're the first in your family to do health sciences!? that's amazing!! you're trailblazing then, you know? if it helps, i have several friends how are doctors and a cousin who did medicine though she isn't a doctor now and they have all got through it, and had great careers and made it through! you can do it! and i know some of them were like partying every day or got no sleep or did a bunch of extras and they still made it! so you can make it! i might not know to a t what you're going through but i know you can do it because if some of them managed to slack off and made it through, you with how much you care means you will make it! but understand the anxiety so much <3 i'm sorry bub, sending hugs.

YES TO REVERSE LAMPSHADING! that is basically my summer look haha, i own a million pairs of baggy jeans but in the end it's all for lampshading!

OMG I SAW you got the jo malone perfume! did you have a great time in the end! OMG YAY OKAY EUROPE TRIP OMG YAS SO EXCITING!! it looks DELICIOUS, bluebells are one of my fave flowers, ugh it sounds so so beaut. are you vibing just wearing it around? do you spray perfume on your pillows? i do sometimes. how long do your perfumes last you? they literally last me years, but i don't wear them everyday to be fair.

universe still confuses me a bit ngl i'm not a fan of the UI - but they honestly work so so hard! like even on an app song the MONSTAs just BUST IT OUT, and it was all so different from the OOAK stuff too! they are just incredible!! even more hyped for another album!! HELLO MADCH'S MOM! i am okay. i've had to wear a bunch of supports and bandages to help me through work a bit (it's not serious, just for protection kind of thing, and my new agent really has been great so that is an up? but it's only monday, sometimes things get really slow on monday and nothing much happens til wednesday - our wednesday last week was really busy and we got really great clients and fingers crossed one soon might be in kpop! but it's a slow thing to sort out, this stuff takes weeks. how is she? is she doing well? are you both going through the week well? take the best break ever before uni, i hope you treat yourself with everything you could possibly treat yourself with. these are always so so long but i love them, it's always wonderful hearing how you are!

LOTS OF LOVE <3 TAKE CARE!!

OMG I FORGOT TO ADD MY EMOJI TO THAT LAST ASK MADCH IT WAS MEE - 💥

ANGEL !!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING ABSOLUTELY FOREVER ;____; i know i sound like a broken record but i’ve been trying to finish up a lot of things at work bc TODAY IS MY LAST DAY !!!!!!!!!!!!! and when i get home i’ve been going out a lot to eat this week hhhhh so i just haven’t really had much time to answer this correctly but im here OKAY !!!!!!!!!!!

your family member is in my thoughts and prayers hun !!!!! :( i know how much something like this can affect and take toll on the whole family ,,,,,,, it really takes a village ;____; so i’m hoping for the best and that the specialists are really able to pinpoint and help them out to the fullest of their abilities !! and u always know i’m here if u ever need to talk about it <3 

omg encephalitis ;____; it’s really dangerous regardless of what kind lol and i actually learned a lot about encephalitis during my pediatrics course last year bc children get sick all the time yeah? with like ear infections and head colds a lot and the reason why it’s so dangerous is bc the brain is ofc enclosed in your skull so like natural laws of physics when your brain expands and is inflames (i’m sure u know this but anything ending in -itis means inflammation of some sort) the soft tissue has no where to go so your brain ends up pushing against your skull ultimately causing possible future ischemia and permanent brain damage ;____; but this is why it’s so important to know signs !!!! increased cranial pressure fever and EXTREME lethargy !!!!!! and i looked up how they usually treat this type of encephalitis and it says antiparkinson drugs which is really interesting to me but encephalitis lethargica can also cause spastic movments of the limbs so this all makes sense ;____; ANYWAYS sorry this was kind of just a talk with myself lol so if TLDR: don’t be nervous about getting it from dirt LOL you won’t get it i promise !!!!!!!! <3 

omg yes all nighters are the absolute worst !!!! i never actually pulled an all nighter all the way believe it or not !!! not even during finals week ;____; my brain stops working at midnight i cannot and will not work myself to death LOL :’) and maybe ppl don’t think that’s very ‘nursing student’ of me but i never pull all nighters ;_____; and maybe that’s what’s the difference between me being a B student instead of an A student but i would much rather not feel like garbage the next day to take an exam than study as much during the day as i can and at least feel READY for the exam the next day ,,,,,,, does that make sense?? lol but i have managed to get a little more sleep this summer but i have this problem where i try to get 7 hours of sleep but i keep on waking up feeling like i haven’t slept at all ;____; also SDFKLJ the jobs i did in high school were the worst lol like my first job was at panera bread (idk if they have that around u but it’s this made to order resturant that used to be good and has ‘healthy’ foods but no one wants to admit it’s gone down the drain) and i was SO excited to work there bc one thing they do nicely there is make their own baked goods so i always wanted to work the bakery but i ended up at the cashier and no one taught me how to do it and i was so bad at it i hated going to work ;____; i quit after like a month bc no one cared about me i felt :((( and then after that i worked at my friend’s parent’s resturant as a hostess and that was nice but i only worked on fridays and i didn’t make that much money ;____; and THEN my last job in high school my mom wanted me to work in her office so i worked with the sales department i think ? i was too young to understand lol but basically if a vendor had a complain about how a product was received they would send a complaint and i would have to fill out a form and send to the head of the department or SOMETHING along those lines !! i made $12 an hour so i wasn’t complaining hehe 

and yes ;____; my family vacations were always fun !!!!!!!!!! i really loved the tradition we had every year <3 we would go to the east coast actually (virginia beach) and it’s a hot spot for a lot of ppl !!!!! there are these real estates along the whole coast where everyone basically rents houses so we would all chip in to rent a big house for the week so it wasn’t too expensive (we have a lot of family members lol) and we would just spend our time there <3 san diego is sooo far from me LOL i live across the states from it (i live in the midwest) so i’ve ever only been there once !!!! i understand not having a lot of ‘ocean beaches’ just like u !!!!! however my state is surrounded by 5 massive lakes and i mean MASSIVE (you could consider them oceans since u can’t see across from them and they can produce like 100 ft waves lol we have freighters that ship materials from them) ,,,,,,,,, i might have given away where i am from ;) 

also YES i did a sport all my life up until this year bc my uni scholarship has ended and my career is officially over :’) don’t laugh lol but i bowl !!!!!!!! i know it sounds silly but if you could only see what the collegiate atmosphere is like ,,,,,,, it’s really special :’) i’ve had professional coaching ever sine like the 4th grade and worked my way up to receiving a scholarship so anything that helps me out paying for college is nice hehe ,,,,,,, i have some clips of me bowling on my instagram but if anything i would want to show u privately as opposed to being so public LOL ;____; BUT YEAH that story about my mom :((( when she told me when i was older i really felt so sorry ,,,,,, parents go through it all don’t they?

about the anxiety thing !!!!!!!! honestly for me it’s very burdensome ;___; i worry about it a lot and i know ppl have it much worse than i do but i fear it’s something that will get in the way of reaching my full potential if that makes sense? and like i said i never used to be this way ,,,,,,, it’s definitely bc of nursing school and i’ve had some things happen to me that probably have given me some emotional trauma but i really hope i am able to conquer these feelings in my future somehow :( and it’s definitely added pressure knowing im only 1 of 2 ppl in my entire family who is in the medical field (like i said my cousin is in med school but it’s sooo different , she never had to finish her career in the short amount of time i have HELL this girl won’t even be able to do half the procedures that  do) so her experience is totally different than mine, she can’t relate to me. she also hates nurses lol so ,,,,,,,,,,,,, :/ it’s just a lot to think about i know u must be so annoyed with me saying all of these things :( but i just want everything to work out ; like this whole summer my mom and i have been talking about where i should live after i graduate bc with nursing you can really live anywhere but we were on the topic of DC and i’ve never really thought about living there just bc of the political climate of it all might stress me out lol but one of my close friends was interning there this summer and she was offered a job already and i told her that there was a children’s hospital in DC that’s really good and i was like hey . IF i can actually land a job in the NICU out there do u think u would want to live with me ?? AND IDK i just want everything to work out i really do :( and a couple days ago i asked one of my professors if i could do my preceptorship in the NICU bc she works at a hospital that i was at last semester and if she knew anyone who would be willing to preceptor me and ,,,,,,,, i think that would help me SO much when i graduate with some NICU experience ,,,,,,,,, idk babe ;____; i really appreciate you wanting to talk to your friends to help me out hun :(

but anyways on a lighter subject lol YEAH i got the jo malone perfume ;____; i’ve never been in the actual store before bc in the past they just had their little stand alone counter in our department store bUT GOING IN THERE WAS SO LOVELY and !!!!!!!!! im so obsessed with my scent i picked out !!!!!!!!!! honestly i’ve never heard of bluebells before lol but gosh evey time i put it on its instant serotonin boost ;____; i vibe with it every day !!!!!! i don’t put it on my pillows or anything bc i have an essential oil diffuser in my room lol but it’s totally my jam ......maybe my signature scent ?? i love it so much !!!!! and i think this scent lasts the longest on me but i always can’t really smell it anymore after like 5 hours i would say LOL but that’s just my nose getting used to it ;____; i wish i could smell it on me forever :((((

omg universe app (derogatory) i really am not a fan of the whole thing LO but i do agree they literally went so hard for just one singular song !!!!!!!! and they make me proud and they amaze me with everything they come out with but at some point i’m just not surprised anymore ;____; they’re so so good, they always work hard GOSH i love my monstas ;____; BUT OH MY GOSH WAIT UR COMPANY MIGHT BE DOING SOMETHING WITH KPOP THAT’S LITERALLY SO COOL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH <3 fingers freaking crossed babe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know it’s friday and u said ur wednesdays were always a little busy, how was it this time this week? was it a good busy?? i hope so ;____; but i am doing well bubbie my mom is doing well and i hope nothing but good things happened for u this week hun !!!!!!!!! these are always SO long but i always look forward to them :) kinda like waiting for a present from santa and then opening it to realize it’s so much more than what u have hoped for <3 i hope u have a great weekend full of relaxation and i will be here okay !!!!!! i’ll be better answering next week since i don’t have work <3 I LOVE U THE ABSOLUTE MOST AND HOPE U ARE TAKING CARE MY LOVE !!!!!!!! MWAH MWAH MWAH !!!!!!!!!!!