#This is more a reminder for Tomorrow Sophie than it is anything else

[sophieswundergarten]

Sleepy Sophie Brain really wants to write a Magic Ocean AU for MBS but I can't get any further that "That would be a neat idea"

[fieldofdaisiies]

Forget me Not | Azriel X F!Reader pt. 2

Summary: They loved each other more than words could describe, but they were star-crossed lovers and their fate was doomed, especially when their worst nightmare came true. But is their love strong enough to survive this nightmare and can their souls one day be truly united?

Warnings: references to past trauma

Word Count: 2,8K

Notes: I am so very lucky that I met @moonlightazriel and that I can call her my friend (mate hehe); you are an incredibly wonderful human being, an amazing friend and working with you on this story was just brilliant 💙 read her first part here

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The doorbell rang again which made Azriel finally lift his head off the screen, his phone in his hand. “Give me a moment,” he told the person on the other side of the line and got up. With lazy steps he walked to his door, grumbling some incomprehensive words of being disturbed and interrupted while working. Azriel peeked through the door viewer, squinted his eyes to get a better look and then–

His hand which held the phone fell to his side and his lips parted. The woman standing outside his door was without doubt the most beautiful he had ever seen and he could even tell that although you were wearing a winter coat, gloves, and a hat. Azriel quickly lifted his phone to his ear. “I’ll call you back tomorrow. Just put the papers on my desk.”

He did not let his assistant argue, just ended the call. Azriel inhaled a deep breath, then another one, straightened his posture and moved his hand to the door handle. Then he opened the door and his eyes landed on you – finally he could take you in fully, his lips parted a little while his eyes went wide. Your gaze lifted to his – you had not at all expected him, your new boss, to look like that.

And then it struck you.

It somehow felt like you knew him, like you had seen him before which made no sense. You had only moved into this city recently, had never been to this there before, but something about him seemed oddly familiar. You simply looked at him for a moment, somehow expectant, but also because you forgot what you had wanted to say. He was so beautiful, the most beautiful man you had ever seen, and your brain forgot how to work. Eventually you caught yourself and realised that neither of you had said anything yet and you had to speak up at some point. After all you wanted this job – rather needed it. You had to speak up and act serious despite what his appearance and his looks did to you. You cleared your throat which drew Azriel’s eyes to yours, his lips forming a tiny smile. “I am Y/N Y/L. I am the new house keeper. I am filling in for Sophie who is on maternity leave now.” You spoke in a soft and steady voice, trying to calm the inner nervousness with taking in slow breaths.

The man, Azriel as you knew, nodded and said, “Pleasure to meet you. Azriel. I am the owner of this place.” His low voice rumbled through your body. 

Azriel internally face-palmed himself – obviously he was the owner of this place, what else would he be doing here…

You chuckled a little and he let you in, you followed him inside and gaped at the size of his apartment. From Sohpie you knew that he was rich and that he lived in a big flat, but you had never thought it would be that ginormous. “Here, please. You can put your clothes here.” Azriel showed you the wardrobe, where you could put your coat and stuff. It was winter outside and you still shivered a little from the cold. “May I?” he asked and when you nodded, Azriel helped you out of your coat and then you pulled your hat off. Azriel couldn’t tear his eyes away from you, you were so beautiful and you–

You reminded him of someone. But he could not tell who. It was like he had met you before, and…he did not know. It was an odd feeling and got even odder when you slipped out of your gloves and his eyes fell to your hands. The marred skin there…The marred skin…He drew in a sharp breath and then…He had seen scars like that before, somehow he a had a clear picture of them in his mind and that irritated him. 

“I was born with them. Probably inherited, or so the doctors said,” you explained, having noticed his eyes on your hands. He quickly lifted his face and looked into your eyes again, whispering a quick apology to which you lifted your hand, waving him off. “Don’t worry. It is alright. Now where do we, or rather I start?”

“Well.” Azriel brushed his hands down his thighs. “I would like for you to come here two times a week – Monday, Thursday, just like Sophie did. Did you discuss with her what you have to do?”

You shook your head, not really having talked with Sophie about that. She had only told you about how handsome Azriel was and that he was practically rolling in money – both things were now confirmed. Azriel guided you to the living room where you sat down on the couch to discuss further details. “Alright,” he said and smiled, his cheeks a little rosy. You looked at him expectantly and waited for him to continue.

“So, two times a week. I would love for you to do the basic chores. Cleaning the flat two times a week, I like it very neat and tidy, that is why. The windows need cleaning only once a month. I would like for you to change the bedsheets once a week, put out the trash once a week and wash my clothes once a week. That is it.”

That sounded alright. Even if it wasn’t the job your had on top of your list, it was the only one that worked alongside uni and so it was alright. It really was, especially with a boss that sounded genuine and looked like a Greek god. Well, the last part did not really matter but it was a nice benefit. “So I am starting today and then return next Monday,” you said and Azriel offered to show you the whole house and where exactly you had to do what. 

The place was simple, he only had very basic furniture and little to no decoration, but still it was beautiful and you liked it a lot. Also the lack of decoration was very beneficial cleaning wise. 

After your first day where you got all the explanations you returned to Azriel’s place for a few weeks every Monday and Thursday and all was going really well. Azriel was incredibly kind and you quickly created a friendly workplace relationship with him. There was nothing more between the two of you, of course not, just some nice small talks and easy conversations. It was all going good until one day. 

You brushed your hand down the pillow, adjusting it a little, Azriel’s scent somehow lingering in the room. Your eyes lifted to mirror on the opposite side when you pulled on the sheets and made them look neat on top of his bed. And suddenly–

A flash of memories, or rather pictures filled your brain. Your knees felt weak and you closed your eyes, giving yourself to the memories. A man – not a man, Azriel– moaned against your as he relaxed on top of you, rolled over and pulled you to his side, your head rested on his chest. You could hear the soft sound of his heartbeat and then his lips parted and he–

“Give me a few days, and we will be far away from here. My love for you is bigger than the universe.” 

You ripped your eyes open, tumbling a little and quickly grabbed the lower bedframe to steady yourself. Your heart was racing in your chest and you knew you had to get out of this room. What the hell had that been? Why did you…? When did you sleep with Azriel? What the actual hell was going on? The room you had been in was not modern, it had looked ancient and…Did you have sex fantasies about him? Maybe you should quit that job if making his bed did that to you?

You quickly collected the broom, and headed for the door, dashing outside and downstairs only to come to a quick halt. 

“See and that is why I am here, Azriel. You need a woman to help you with that kind of things.” The blond woman grinned up at Azriel, just when you stopped at the bottom of the staircase. 

“Oh, hello?” she turned to you. Not only her. Also Azriel’s, his eyes wide open. “Y/N,” he said, but added nothing more, like he was surprised to see you. Which was odd. It was Thursday. It was rather you who was surprised. He was home earlier, a lot earlier than expected and he had company. For the past days you had often asked yourself if he had a girlfriend, but there was no indication he did. Well, now there was and that made some part inside of you really sad. Which was stupid. Someone like him would anyways never be with someone like you. In society you were at least 5 levels below him and he would never choose you. He would never…Some more images filled your brain, and you felt a little dizzy. 

You shuddered, your breathing speeding up and gathered that you might be going crazy. 

“I don’t want to get married, to anyone but you. And I don’t care  what my father says, let’s go, somewhere far away from here.”

Well, you definitely were going crazy. “Y/N, I am the house keeper. Pleasure to meet you. But I really need to go. I am in a rush. The bed is made. See you on Monday.”

You gave Azriel no chance to answer, practically dashing to the door, collecting your things while running. The cool afternoon air was a relief and helped your breath steadily. What the hell was going on? What did the memories mean?

Plagued by nightmares, you could barely sleep in the days that followed. It was too much and too strange. It irritated you and you dreaded going back to his place. You played with the thought of quitting, maybe it would be smart to stop working for him if it caused such chaos in your mind. But still you went there, hoping Azriel was still at work – which he normally was when you went there to clean on a Monday. And you truly were lucky, he was not here. So you started with the normal chores you had to do, cleaning, take the rubbish out and so on. 

“Are you mad with me?” 

You startled, the broom slipped out of your hand and landed on the ground with a loud noise. 

“Why should I?” you blurted out and felt your blood chill. Obviously you were. Around 20 minutes ago you had heard Azriel return to his place, and since then you had been hiding in his bathroom, pretending to be cleaning there and hoping he would maybe just leave again. 

“Because you obviously are, don’t pretend otherwise.” Azriel seemed angry and you knew the blame was on you. But how could you explain it all to him? How could you tell him that you had visions of a past life about him?

“I think I should go now,” you said with a huff. But Azriel had none of that, he wanted to talk it out with you, he wanted to know if he had upset you, or angered you. So he reached for you, his hand curling around your wrist, around the marred skin there. 

“Please, please love, stay with me. I won't survive without you.” Azriel said, and you lifted your hand, the scarred skin caressing his cheek one more time. The scarred skin.

God!

Azriel let go off your hand and stumbled backwards, his eyes wide open with shock. He was pale, looked like he had seen a ghost and technically he had – the ghost of your past.

“It can’t be true,” he stuttered and stared at you with his eyes wide open. “That can’t be true.”

“What?” you breathed, panic filling you when you saw the shock on his face. “What is it?”

The shocked expression looked so familiar – it was the same you wore after those flashbacks. Azriel stumbled backwards and fell onto the small armchair outside of his bathroom. You left the bathroom and walked up to him, nearly closing the distance between the two of you. “Azriel. What is going on?” you asked carefully, hoping not to cause more chaos in his mind. He still looked like he got caught in a stupor and slowly brought one hand up to wipe it over his face. His chest heaved with deep inhales and slowly you moved your hand forward, placing it on top of his. You gave his hand a soft and gentle squeeze, crouching down in front of him, your eyes meeting his. “Did you…” Your voice broke after you tried to stutter out a question. He must have had the same odd visions, there is no other explanation for it. Your throat felt dry, burned, when you forced your mouth to speak. 

“You think we have known each other in a past life?” The words sounded so odd and for a long moment they just hung in the air between you and Azriel, like neither of you could believe what you were discussing there. 

Azriel furrowed his brows, still staring right into your eyes. “Can this be possible?”

Pulling one shoulder up, you shrugged, unable to do more. Tears filled your eyes and curled your fingers tighter around his hand. 

“I love you and I will find you, in another life. We will have the happiness we deserve. Promise me you will wait for me.” 

“You promised to find me in another life.” Azriel leaned forward, his other hand moving to hold your face in big palm. “I promised so. And you promised you will wait for me.” You swallowed around the dryness in your throat, leaning into his touch. “I did.”

There were tears in both your eyes, threatening to spill over the edges any moment. “You think it is truly possible we found each other again?”

It was then that a small tear left your eye. “But you have someone, Azriel. Is she your girlfriend?” Azriel seemed like he did not understand, like nothing you said made sense because he clearly had no girlfriend. “Who?” he asked in a low voice. “Who are you talking about?” But then awareness dawned on him and Azriel spoke up before you could. “That was my assistant. And she…I–”

“You seemed so close. And she said you needed a woman.” And then the most adorable thing happened – Azriel blushed, and sheepishly bit down on his lower lip. “I asked her for advice on how to ask you out. How to not make it weird as you work for me…” He smiled a little, red colour blooming high on his cheeks. 

Your heart did flips, rapidly beating against your rib cage. “You did…” “I wanted to ask you out. I have been wanting to ask you out for a long time, but then things changed.”

“I am sorry,” you answered. You slowly got up, standing in front of Azriel. “I am sorry, but when I got the flashbacks, I freaked out. I did not know what they meant. They scared me. I thought I was going insane.”

Azriel closed his eyes for a long moment and inhaled deeply. “Is there a chance for us in this life then? Can I ask you out?” When he opened his eyes, a beautiful smile bloomed on his chest. More tears streamed down your cheeks and leaned in to just hug him. But Azriel had a different idea. He pulled you onto his lap, so you straddled him and your arms curled around his shoulders. “Can you believe that we really lived a long time ago and finally found each other again?” you cried into the crook of his neck, clawing at him.

“It seems surreal, doesn’t it?” Azriel held you tightly, kissing the side of your head. “Like that can only happen in books or movies.”

“I believe then this is my absolute favourite book or movie.” Leaning backwards a little, you watched his face, the expression on his face. “Can you believe how long our souls must have been yearning for each other? And now they are reunited?”

“And won’t ever be separated.” Tears also slid down Azriel’s cheeks, his whole body shaking, but he grinned at you. And you grinned back at him. “In this life I am going to keep you safe. I have awful brothers and an even worse stepmother, but not even they would go as far as taking you from me. In this life I am going to keep you. We will be one team, one couple, one soul until our very last day. Just you and I.”

“I like that a lot,” you said, smiling when you leaned in to kiss his lips. “And I am keeping you safe. And I am going to keep you. It will be us forever.” “Forever and even a little further.” And then you kissed, and it felt like…it felt like a million fireworks exploded in your chest, like your soul started to glow and become alive again. 

~~~~~~~~ tags Azriel (crossed-out I couldn't tag) : @juulle987 @marimorena06 @danikasthings @younxii @nightcourtwritings @mrofontaine @lunalilyf @whor-3-crux @tired-all-the-time @anni-was-here @ummmmmwat @azbracadabra @j-pendragonx @hollyismentallyillhelp @famousbasementpainter @bsenpai @lena-davina @red-highlady @thesugatoyourtae @azrielsbabyg @aroseinvelaris @moony-thoughts @wrensical003 @cherryjain17 @moonfawnx @crushedcloudsx @devilsfoodcake22  @valeridarkness @azrielscertifiedslut @mulansaucey @cynicalpotato95 @hanasakr @high-bi-andreadytocry @eerievixen @feyretopia @moonlightazriel @randomness-it-is @brekkershadowsinger @eliieee23 @girasoli-e-sorrisi @illyrianvalkyriecarynthian @kennedy-brooke @highladyofillyria @theworthlessqueen @marina468 @topaz125 @illyrian-dreamer @azriels-mate123 @eos-princess @courtofjurdan @a-frog-with-a-laptop @banasheefan56

[alj4890]

From the Heart

(Ethan Ramsey x OC*Sophie Triano) in a Choices Open Heart Drabble

Thirty Kisses in Thirty Days Challenge with the prompt: A kiss to the neck from behind

Rating G for sugary sweet fluff

A/N Thanks for the request @trappedinfanfiction I'm really enjoying thinking about these two being together 😉 Please excuse any mistakes. My laptop decided to die and I've been doing these prompts by phone app 🤣 Who knows how badly my editing skills are after rereading each line multiple times 🤦🏻‍♀️

@hopelessromantic1352 @twinkleallnight @tessa-liam @choicesficwriterscreations @choices-readerandlover @annfg8 @jerzwriter @trappedinfanfiction @coffeeheartaddict2

Masterlist

"Dr. Ramsey." Terry greeted with a brisk nod. "Sophie's finishing up with a client. You can wait for her in the back office."

The bakery manager was used to seeing the doctor stopping by at odd times throughout the week. He went about finishing up work at the front, dismissing Ethan without another thought.

"Thanks." Ethan slipped through a familiar set of double doors.

He paused at the sight of the room where Sophie created her pastry masterpieces. Many of her assistants were scurrying about, cleaning the area while boxing up various orders before the bakery closed for the evening.

A few glanced up and smiled in greeting as he passed by.

"Can I get you anything, Dr. Ramsey?" One asked before he could shut the office door.

"No thanks."

Once alone, he began to pace.

A few minutes later Sophie came in.

She leaned against the door and watched him in amusement.

"You know you can relax in here. You don't have to wait on an invitation to sit down."

He rolled his eyes in response.

"Hey," she grabbed his sleeve and pulled him close to her, "what's wrong?"

"I don't mind." She told him "I think it's really sweet that you want to do this."

"What's wrong is that you're busy and I've added more work on you." He bit out.

Ethan ran a hand through his hair in aggravation.

Ethan sighed in resignation. He slipped his arms around Sophie, knowing there was no backing out of this now. He'd already given his word.

She smiled when he placed a tender kiss to her lips.

"You know you don't have to stay late for this." He pointed out. "I can figure something else out and--"

"Shh." She pressed another kiss to his lips. "I told you I don't mind. I want to do this for your patient."

Once she felt his muscles relax some, Sophie led him back into the now empty work area.

She pulled out her sketch book, sat down on one of her stools, and motioned for him to sit next to her.

"Now then," she clicked her pen open, "tell me everything she said."

"Carol said that her daughter loves tea parties." Ethan explained. "When I asked her for more detail, she said that Anna loves the old fashioned kind, if that makes any sense."

Sophie nodded while tapping her notebook. Her eyes narrowed in thought before she started sketching. "Anything else?"

"Anna loves cookies." He slipped his phone out of his pocket. "Here's a photo of them with her tea set."

Sophie's lips curved into a soft smile. She studied the image of the mother and daughter sipping from delicate china. The colors of the tea set were muted with roses. Doilies dotted a table set for two.

Ethan cleared his throat as he too looked at the image. For some reason, Carol's yet to be defined illness and situation struck a cord within him. Her patience with the diagnostic team along with her gratefulness had driven them all to solving this medical mystery as soon as possible.

When her husband brought their little girl in to visit, that hit him harder than he expected. Six-year-old Anna reminded him a lot of how he'd been as a child. She was curious about everything and wasn't afraid to ask questions. She was also determined to solve the mystery of why her mother was not able to play with her.

If he hadn't walked in on Carol crying earlier today, he wouldn't have known that Anna's birthday was tomorrow. Before Carol became ill, she'd planned on hosting a tea party as a surprise. She was going to go all out with having it at a vintage tea room downtown and have all Anna's friends there. Her husband was now going to handle hosting it all, but Carol would miss out on seeing her daughter's expression when she saw all that had been done in her honor.

Ethan decided that they would have a surprise in Carol's hospital room before the party for Anna. After reassuring her that he'd take care of everything, he'd gathered the diagnostic team and got them involved. While everyone divided up tasks to get china and decorations, Ethan called the one he knew could really make it special.

And here she was, working hard on doing just that.

Sophie drew out some designs of heart shaped cookies. She pushed her notebook towards him for his opinion once she was satisfied with her vision coming about.

"What do you think about these?" She pointed towards each one and explained the color scheme she had in mind.

Ethan stared at them, stunned with something that would match exactly what Carol had wanted. He couldn't think of anything more to add to them.

"And, every tea party also calls for dainty cakes." She got up to retrieve a box she'd prepared the moment he first called her.

"I made petit fours this morning. I saved some for you to take to the impromptu tea party."

Ethan smiled over her thoughtfulness. He quietly watched her begin to roll out cookie dough. As she prepared a cookie sheet filled with hearts for the oven, she kept up a steady chatter of things that happened throughout her day.

Something about her voice and the repetitions of her movements made him not only relaxed but somehow, happy.

He got up and stepped behind her. Unable to say what she made him feel with her simply being her kind self, he pressed a tender kiss to the back of her neck.

Sophie's hands stilled with the warm touch of his lips. Her eyes closed as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight against his chest.

"Thank you." He whispered, pressing another kiss to the side of her head.

"It's no problem." She muttered, kissing his cheek.

He smiled softly at her then returned to his stool.

"How about I order us some dinner?" He offered.

"Sounds good." She placed the tray in one of her ovens.

Leaving him to it, she began to mix the royal icing to make the flowers for the cookies.

She next sat back down near him and began to pipe the various sizes of roses and leaves to place on each cookie.

Ethan watched her create each one. His mind was in disbelief over how quick and seamless she made it all look.

Sophie caught him staring at her. She winked at him, a smile playing about her lips as she continued to work.

As they waited on the cookies to cool, they ate dinner in her office. Ethan found himself once more completely relaxed as he talked to her about things going on at the hospital.

He then sat once more in silent amazement of her talent as she decorated the cookies. Each one was given a unique design. Even the piping of lace along the edges varied to make them look like crocheted doilies.

He couldn't imagine a more perfect cookie for a tea party.

Sophie stepped back to critically study her creations after a couple of hours of being hunched over.

"These look incredible." Ethan told her.

"Thank you." Sophie nodded to herself as she made certain she'd done all her ideas in her sketch book.

"Now." She told him. "We'll let these sit a little longer to finish drying and then I will box them up for you."

Sophie moved to stand between his legs. Since he was sitting, she easily looped her arms around his neck.

Ethan could see how tired she was. She'd spent the entire day decorating cakes for various receptions around the city. And yet, she hadn't even paused to offer to do this for him.

He wondered where their relationship would end up taking them. It was odd how quick he'd been to call her about this. Normally he would have handled the situation without asking anyone's opinion. He had not called her to ask if she'd make the cookies. He realized he'd called her because he wanted her input and her reassurance that he was going about this in the right manner.

How did I get so close to her so fast, he asked himself.

Sophie rested her cheek on his shoulder, sighing deeply over how good it felt to be held after a long day. She knew if they were in one of their apartments, she'd probably end up spending as much time as she could in his arms.

Ethan pressed a kiss to her forehead and simply allowed the peacefulness of the moment to seep into his bones.

"Sophie," he said, breaking the silence that had settled over them.

"Hmm?"

"Why don't you stay at my place tonight?"

Sophie lifted her head off his shoulder. "I would but I better not. I've got another early morning tomorrow."

She knew their nights spent together were anything but restful. As much as she enjoyed it, she shouldn't tempt herself into falling in with his plan. Four a.m. came much too early as it was.

"I don't mean for that," he tried to explain.

Her eyebrows lifted when he became silent once more.

"I..." He held her gaze, "I guess what I mean is, I want to be near you tonight."

"Even if I fall asleep as soon as I walk through your door?" She teased.

"Even then." He chuckled when she snuggled back into his arms.

"I'd love to." She kissed his cheek then went off to prepare a box for the cookies.

Once Sophie disappeared in a store room, it struck Ethan just how much he would love her to stay the night, even for sleeping.

And though he wasn't quite certain what to make of that revelation, he was nevertheless looking forward to figuring it out.

[still-astray]

A Special Someone (part 1)

Sophie gets a taste of normal teenhood

genre: fluff, angst

word count: 1.6k

warnings: none! <3

A/N: Sophie talks kind of a lot about Christianity in this chapter so if religion of any kind makes you uncomfortable then feel free to skip this part, it doesn’t have too much effect on understanding the future sections <3

Special thanks to @mynameisnotlaura for coming up with the idea for this chapter <3 bestie i honestly- i really don’t know where Sophie would be without your amazing ideas

taglist: @fromfreesia @skz-angel @skzfairies @mynameisnotlaura (just send in an ask to be added or removed <33 )

🧚🏻‍♀️

“Oh, my God, we’re going to Music Bank!!!” Sophie squealed when she heard the news.

“Language, Soph,” chuckled Chan, “but that’s not to say you can’t be excited.”

Sophie spun around. “Of course I can be excited, if you were to say I couldn’t be excited I was about to get-”

“Hugged by Felix so you wouldn’t be able to jump on him,” Minho finished for her.

Sophie glared at him. “I wasn’t going to be rude.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean that,” smirked Minho, coming over and wrapping his arms around her from behind. “I meant literally jump on him.”

“Just like this?” Sophie whirled and sprang straight up in the air, catching herself around his shoulders and wrapping her legs around his back. “Because I can’t think of anyone who would resist a Sophie Special.”

“A Sophie Strangles You, more like,” teased Minho, hoisting her up a bit higher so he wouldn’t drop her. “Don’t wrap your arms around my neck like that, or else you’ll lose your dance savior.”

“No offense, but I already have a Savior, and His Name is not Lee Minho.”

Chan ruffled her hair proudly. “That’s my girl.”

Sophie dimpled. “Minho, I’ll work extra hard for the Music Bank performance if you can tell me Who the Savior is I’m talking about.”

“You’ll work extra hard for Music Bank just because we tell you to!” teased Minho, swooping her down towards the floor and back upright. Sophie shrieked and held on for dear life. “Lee Minho, just for that I won’t do anything at practice tomorrow!”

“Don’t tell me you know the dance already!” Minho gasped, pretending to be shocked.

“Of course I do, I’m the one that came up with the idea for it!”

“I gotta say, I’m surprised JYP actually agreed to that,” remarked Felix, who had been standing to the side, casually observing the minor chaos. “I did not expect to perform a- wait, what’s it called again-”

“Waltz,” supplied Sophie.

“Yeah, I didn’t expect to perform a waltz that somehow incorporates all members with one girl.”

Sophie shrugged. “What can I say, it fits the song.” Then she changed the subject. “Say, has anybody got a clue as to what we’ll be wearing?”

Seungmin entered just in time to hear her question. “Oh, you’re wondering if I’ll be wearing that hat again?”

Sophie blushed. “No…”

Seungmin laughed. “No, of course not.”

Sophie turned back to Minho, choosing to ignore Seungmin and his teasing for the moment. “Minho, you never told me who the Savior is.”

Minho played dumb. “What Savior?”

Sophie pouted. “Minho, the only Savior I’ve ever talked about. Please tell me you didn’t forget His Name.”

“I didn’t,” Minho reassured her, her expression reminding him once again that she was serious about her members at least knowing the basics of the Bible. “His Name is Jesus.”

“And what did He come to earth to do?” continued Sophie.

“Sophieeeee,” whined Minho, pouting.

“Minhooooo,” mimicked Sophie, pouting right back.

“Lee siblings,” whined Seungmin, copycatting the pair. “Minho, just put the poor girl out of her misery already. She might just carry out her threat about dance practice.”

“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” Minho quoted directly from John 3:17, sending Sophie shrieking louder than she’d done when she found out they were going to Music Bank.

“LEE MINHO, I HAD NO IDEA YOU MEMORIZED THAT!” she squealed ecstatically, accidentally making Minho wince.

“Anything for our little Sunflower,” Minho said fondly as he set her down.

“Yes, but I think you’re the first to memorize a verse since I’ve come here!!”

“Ahem,” said Felix, clearing his throat from the doorway. “Sophie, you’re forgetting our little bet.”

Sophie’s eyes narrowed competitively. “What, Psalm 23? That was easy to memorize.”

“Wait, you’re done?!” exclaimed Felix.

Sophie bobbed her head in a nod. “Wanna see who can say it faster?”

“I’m a rapper, I’m going to win,” warned Felix with a smile.

“Nahhh,” said Sophie confidently. “Minho, Seungmin, Chan, you guys be the judges.”

“Okay, but then it’s off to bed,” said Chan, “because we only have tomorrow to rehearse the dance for Music Bank, and we want an early start.”

“Music Bank,” Sophie said dreamily. “I never thought- HEY WAIT A MINUTE, I MIGHT GET TO MEET SUNGHOON-”

“Sophie,” laughed Chan, “didn’t you have an impromptu competition with Felix to do?”

“Oh yeah.” Sophie assumed a temporary fighting stance, making the boys laugh. “Bring it on.”

“Okay, three, two, one,” counted Seungmin, and the two competitors started talking as fast as they could, Felix’s deep voice slightly louder than Sophie’s high tones, but both audible.

When they finished, the three judges looked stunned. “Sophie, where on earth did that come from?” asked Seungmin, too surprised for once to tease. “Maybe Changbin is right and we need to get you doing some rap.”

“No, no, no!” Sophie protested frantically. “No rap.”

“Okay, okay, you don’t have to rap yet,” said Chan soothingly. “But it sure sounds like you’ve got the capabilities.”

“That was English, but thanks, I guess?” Sophie just wanted to stop talking about the possibility of her childish voice joining the matured voices of their rap line. “Anyways, who won?”

“Felix,” said Minho sympathetically. “But you were super close.”

“Felix missed a line though,” corrected Chan before Sophie could get dejected. “He missed the entire verse 4.”

“Dangit!” Felix snapped his fingers. “I knew something was off.”

“Verse 4 is hard to remember,” Sophie said understandingly. “I always missed that one too when I’d rehearse.”

“Rematch?” Felix asked hopefully.

Sophie suddenly yawned, her eyes scrunching shut. “Um, tomorrow?” she compromised, realizing that she really needed some sleep after all the adrenaline.

Felix nodded, coming to the same realization. “Come on, Sunflower,” he said, picking her up bridal style and carrying her over to her room. “I’ll leave you in peace to change, but if it takes more than two minutes…”

“Lee Felix, you wouldn’t dare,” protested the sleepy girl in his arms.

“I’m kidding,” Felix reassured her. “I’ll just knock and be obnoxious.”

“Meaning…?” Sophie asked as he set her down on her bed and searched around for her pajamas.

Felix got a wicked gleam in his eye, taking a deep breath. “Wakey wakey…”

Sophie squealed in both terror and delight, this being the first time she’s ever heard him say the famous line. “Felix!!”

Felix uttered an evil laugh and scuttled out of the room after handing Sophie her sea otter pajama set.

Sophie changed as quickly as she could, calling out that she was going to brush her teeth so that Felix couldn’t carry out his threat.

Felix joined her while she was brushing, and began to absentmindedly braid her hair into two long plaits. Sophie grinned at him in the mirror. “I didn’t know you could braid,” she said after she was done brushing.

Felix looked up. “I used to practice on you when you’d fall asleep in the car,” he admitted rather sheepishly. “You sleep really deeply so you’d never wake up.”

“That’s really sweet, actually,” Sophie told him, making his ears turn red. She turned and gave him a hug. “Stay with me, I’m really wired on the inside so I won’t be able to sleep,” she invited him.

“Sophie Snuggles? I’m down.” Felix followed her and the two got under the covers, a mini fight over who got more pillow room ensuing before Hyunjin poked his head in, startling the two.

“Chan says if Sophie isn’t asleep in fifteen minutes then Felix needs to switch with Seungmin.”

“She’ll be asleep,” Felix reassured the older member, knowing how tired Sophie actually was, and Hyunjin gave them both a long, suspicious look before closing the door and leaving.

Sophie had already burrowed into the blankets, holding onto Felix’s arm like she would a stuffed animal. “Can you sing?” she mumbled, already drifting on the edges of sleep.

“Shoulda got Seungmin to stay with you if you want songs,” teased Felix gently, wrapping an arm around her. “What song?”

“Anything except Cheese,” replied the girl, making Felix laugh. “Now that I know Korean I don’t want that word running around in my dreams.”

“Okay, anything except Cheese,” agreed Felix, searching through his mental list of songs that usually put Sophie to sleep. “English or Korean?”

“Doesn’t matter,” came an even sleepier response, and Felix momentarily played with the idea of going and teasing Hyunjin for not trusting Sophie to fall asleep within the allotted time slot.

“Okay, one of those lullabies you like so much.” Felix ran through the list of lullabies from a certain CD from Sophie’s childhood. “Hush, sleepy Sophie, don’t say a word,” he began to sing, altering the original lyrics to fit the situation. “I am gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don’t sing, I am gonna buy you a diamond ring…”

Sophie yawned again, settling down even further into the blankets. Felix adjusted the covers so she wouldn’t suffocate, continuing the song. “And if that diamond ring turns brass, I am gonna buy you a looking glass. And if that looking glass gets broke, I am gonna buy you a billy goat...”

Sophie snuggled closer to him, melting Felix’s heart. “And if that billy goat don’t pull, I am gonna buy you a cart and bull…”

By the end of the song, Sophie was fast asleep. Felix nodded with satisfaction as he gingerly slid from under the covers, shivering a little in the cold air conditioning. “ ‘Night, Sophie,” he said quietly so as not to wake the sleeping girl, and left the room, making sure to leave the door slightly open.

[foreversecrets]

Bloody Hands

Rogers Family Expansion

Paring: Ari x Blair

Summary: His wife is pulling away but not only is she distant, she's afraid and Ari is determined to prove she has him and his entire family on her size.

Ari was eager to get home to his wife, she’d been a little AFK today even when the two had met up for an exchange of product for her and her team to distribute. She’d seemed more paranoid than usual, looking over her shoulder and rushing to get away from either the location of him, he wasn’t sure. But she couldn’t escape him at home, at least that’s what he thought when he entered his shared studio apartment he found his wife packing a suitcase and an open backpack full of cash. 

“What the hell is going on?” 

“I have to go.” Blair said, not stopping her actions. “They’ve hired Detective Benoit Blanc, he’ll put me away for life.”

“Bunny, no one is going to take you from me.” Ari promised, taking his wife’s hands to stop her packing. “Andy is the ADA, he won’t let anything bad happen to anyone in the family.”

“You don’t understand,” she was becoming hysterical. “I killed someone.”

🍷

Ari was pacing around Steve’s dining room as the rest of his brothers gathered for the emergency meeting Ari’d called. He’d dropped Blair off at the Adler’s and picked Frank up at the time, trusting Daphne to take off Blair and make sure she didn’t run. When bleary eyed Frank and Ari arrived Steve who was just as exhausted due to Williams inability to sleep through the whole night but with this emergency Steve passed his duties onto Annie. One by one the brothers arrived until Ransom arrived last, the twin strapped into their double decker stroller. His reasoning being Victoria had her yearly review tomorrow and couldn’t be exhausted, the care and softness so easily coming out reminded the brothers of the positive effects of love/marriage. The brothers waited for Ari to explain what was going on but Ari's eyes were locked on Sophie and Penny, not wanting to have this conversation with his innocent nieces present. 

“Ran, let's set the girls up in the guestroom.” Steve supported taking the sleeping Penny from the stroller, Ran grabbed the half awake-half asleep Sophie and the two went to settle the toddlers. 

When they returned information just spewed from Ari, “Detective Benoit Blanc is in town investigating the death of Walt Thrombey.” 

All eyes turned to Ransom. “I didn’t do it!” Ransom threw his hands up as if to defend himself. “I hated that prick but he died of alcohol poisoning.”

“It wasn’t you,” Ari sighs plopping into the chair, squeezing the bridge of his nose. “It was Blair.” Silence follows for a few moments as they all process, the Ari noted that Lloyd doesn’t seem surprised by this news. He squints at his brother wondering if she already knew. “Walt was the dealer who supplied and ultimately killed Blair's father. But the debt her father owed just transferred onto Blair, when Walt came to collect, he took Blair under his wings, showed her the ropes and …” Ari sucked in a breath, his anger causing his body to shake.

“He molested her,” Ransom whispered. “He used to brag to my stepdad about forcing a teen into sex. The time line adds up, I never …. Really …”

Ari nodded his head at Ransom, thankful for him saying the words he couldn’t. “Blair eventually snapped. Walt did die of alcohol poisoning but it wasn’t accidental.” The brothers filed in the blanks not wanting to add to the turmoil of Ari’s situation. 

“I have a meeting scheduled Monday morning with my boss and Blanc.” Andy said, putting the final nail in the coffin.

“My grandfather,” Ransom concluded. “He has the means to afford Blanc and he was never convinced Walt would be stupid enough to drink himself to death. Everyone else, even his widow, believed it.” Ransom bit his bottom lip before smiling at Ari. “Blair is officially my favorite person.”

“Ransom this isn’t funny! Blair could go to prison.” Curtis snapped. 

“If Blanc is involved, I won’t be able to stack the case. I’ll have to put her away.” Andy confessed. 

“So we find out what he knows in Andy’s meeting. From there we either find a scapegoat or we make the evidence solid.” Steve stated firmly. 

“Blair is family,” Frank smiled reassuringly to Ari. “We protect our family.”

“We’ve been in tougher spots and came out on top.” Curtis reassures. 

Ari’s heart filled with affection at the brotherly compassion, they’d protect Blair just as fiercely as they’d protect one another. Ari finally relaxes and confesses to his brother his fears.

“I’m starting to feel like someone is trying to tear our families apart.”

“To be fair, most of our marital problems have been due to male ego and stupidity.” Frank smirked. “Thankfully we’ve chosen women who aren’t easily spurned.”

“I’m going to head out, rest up to prepare for Monday.” 

Andy says his goodbyes, the brothers trickling out until only Steve, Ari, Frank, and Lloyd remain. Ari stops Lloyd on his way out to confront him about his suspicion. 

“I knew,” Lloyd confirms. “Back when we were still unsure about her and I found out about her stealing from us-”

“What?!” Steve snaps, all these years and only Blair, Ari, and Lloyd had known about Blair’s thieving towards the family. But he is ignored.

“-I found out about her association with Thrombey and confronted her.”

“And you never told us!” Ari growled.

“I tortured her,” Lloyd said remorsefully. “I tortured her thinking she was working for them! When I got her confession I let her go, she told everyone she was jumped-a deal gone wrong and then you two started fucking.”

“Why keep it a secret?” Frank asked. 

“Because I nearly killed her and she fucking covered for me and soon enough she joined our family. We vowed to move past it and never talk about it again.”

“Any other secrets you’re hiding?” Steve growls, frustrated by the new information. 

“Your wife hates breastfeeding so she’d been pretending to pump but she’s actually been giving William formula.”

“Jesus!” Frank laughed. “Are you holding secrets for all our wives?”

“Lloyd smirked. “You know how Curtis claims to hate sour cream? Chloe hides it in as much food as she can. Let’s see what else …” Lloyd’s smirked grew. “Daphne has been secretly putting money into your wallet to pay you back for taking care of her after her divorce. Tori sold the lake house back to her brother but still uses it to threaten Ransom into behaving. Aria keeps it away from Andy but her designer frequently sees her naked during preps and costume changes. Who am I missing?” Lloyd pondered as his brothers stared at him baffled. “Deli secretly has Max enrolled into daycare for those days when she just needs a break and gives herself a spa day.”

“What the actual fuck?” Ari breathed.

“Oh! And my wife doesn’t think I know about her secret bank account but I’ve been putting $5.00 in quarterly to fuck with her. She hasn’t caught on.”

“At least they are harmless secrets, well apart from Blair.” Steve rubbed his neck.

“I’m more surprised they all confided in Lloyd.” Frank shook his head.

“Oh, only Blair and Chloe told me their secrets, all the others don’t even know that I know.” the brothers stared at Lloyd. “I’m very good at what I do.”

With that Lloyd departed Frank and Ari not long after. If Lloyd had told them sooner about Blair, maybe they could have got ahead of the situation but then again maybe not.

Monday night found the families regrouping for dinner, the kids being watched by Tori, Deli, and Daff while everyone else discussed what Andy learned. 

“Blanc isn’t in New York for this case, apparently he worked with Boston PD and determined without a doubt Walt drank himself to death.” Blair sagged in her seat, relief flooding her features. “Don’t celebrate yet. He’s in Newy looking into the disappearance of Alexander Pierce on behalf of NYPD who have discovered concrete evidence that he was the mastermind of the Rumlow Ring.”

“Well that’s an easy fix, Governor Fury owes us a favor. We cash it in and hand Pierce over.” Curtis said matter of factly.

“Pierce is a little bitch, he’ll try to take us down with him.” Lloyd stated.

“Not if I remove his tongue!” Jewels offered enthusiastically.

“No, Princess.” Lloyd sighed in disappointment but his barely concealed smile and the gentle rub on her back he gave, he was amused by his wife.

“I could help,” Chloe popped up. “I can say he abducted me again to clean up loose ends and Curtis-”

“Sugar, I love that you wanna help but you’re a terrible liar.”

“We’ll figure it out, for now let’s enjoy the evening.” Steve smiled, pulling Annie into his lap after she set the last tray of food out. She swatted his chest but her cheeks reddened at his advances. 

The massive family dug into their meal, the evening ending with a massive game of hide and seek that had become Mary’s favorite game. The stressors of their lives pushed away because the jovial nature of family distracted everyone. 

[silverhallow]

I know you have a thousand WIPs, but how about a one-shot of Sophie thinking of her father right before her wedding? What would he think if he were alive? Would he want her down the aisle?

No pressure, just love your writing!

I absolutely love the idea of this… so

Wedding night thoughts from Sophie Beckett and some wise words from a friend and a sister…

It was strange, Sophie thought as she sat on the floor of the bedroom in Aubrey Hall, she hadn’t thought about her father in so very long and yet over the last 4 days, she had done not a lot else but think about him in her time between fittings, between the shouting and screaming of the Bridgerton’s around her…

The revelation that he had left her a dowry had rocked her to her very core and honestly she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it.

Posy had told her just how much the dowry was supposed to be the afternoon before she departed for Bridgerton House, curiosity had peaked in her and whilst she told herself that she didn’t need to know… she had to ask…

8 thousand pounds

Sophie had nearly fainted and when Posy had said her’s and Rosamund’s was just 5, well she had needed to sit down. Benedict had been worried about her as she had been pale and hadn’t spoken for a full 20 minutes whilst her brain processed it.

She knew her father had never loved her, had seen her as little more than his responsibility but this… had she been truly wrong? Had he cared about her… 8 thousand pounds was enough for any man to be interested, it would have gotten her a very good match if she had been allowed to debut, and it was why, she suspected she wasn’t allowed to… why she had been forced into the life she had led up until this point.

So here she was, the night before her wedding, to the man she loved more than anything in the world, who loved her back and wanted to be with her, despite her background, despite her lack of a dowry, that money was long gone and Sophie didn’t care about it. It was buying Araminta’s silence and Sophie found she didn’t want her father’s money.

She had never wanted his money.

All Sophie had ever wanted was a family…

And on the eve of gaining that family, her father was all that was in her mind.

She looked around the expansive bedroom, it was larger than any room she had ever stayed in before and let out a sigh, her wedding dress hung on the door, the beautiful pale lavender fabric with the lilies and tulips hastily added to the bottom, it was something Lady Bridgerton had made for Benedict’s bride and Sophie had cried when she had seen it.

Sophie wasn’t just gaining a husband. She was gaining sisters, brothers, a mother… it brought tears to her eyes.

She remembered her father talking around the house, how he had said he had dealings with the Bridgerton’s when she was younger and she couldn’t help but wonder if her father would be happy with her choice in husband…

She remembered him listening to Araminta when she said she wanted him to arrange a match with a Bridgerton and the way he scoffed and said Rosamund would never marry a Bridgerton… that they would never do arranged marriages like that…

She wondered if he would be proud of her… she had fallen in love with a man who didn’t care that she was a bastard… that she was a ward…

She had asked Simon to walk her down the aisle tomorrow, he had a similar background to her, having never had a family to call his own, never feeling like he belonged and she felt a kindred spirit with him. Lord Bridgerton… Anthony… as she had to remind herself to call him, had offered but Sophie knew that Benedict wanted him as his best man…

She wondered if her father would have walked her down the aisle… obviously not as her father but as her guardian… would he have insisted on the private wedding they were having or would he have wanted a grander affair.

It bothered her that she didn’t know anything about her father, about what he would be feeling and she felt sad. It was the first time since his death she had really thought about him, really let herself grief…

Kate and Simon both had lost their parents, Kate still had her stepmother, and Simon had Lady Danbury and up until 3 days ago, Sophie had been truly alone…

She felt tears sparkling in her eyes as she tried to remember, tried to remember even one happy memory about her father but she was struggling… she had very few happy memories before she met Benedict and that was the saddest realisation of them all.

21 years she had been on this earth, and her life was only just beginning…

She let a tear fall down her face as there was a knock on the door, Sophie sniffed and replied “enter” and Kate poked her head in.

“Are you alright Sophie?” Kate asked, concern in her voice as she saw the tear that Sophie wiped away.

“Just… thinking” she said with a small smile.

“Anything I can help you with? We are after all, to be sister’s from tomorrow” Kate said, a warm smile on her face as she walked into Sophie’s room and approached the younger woman.

Sophie’s smile wobbled at the truth of Kate’s words and she fought back the urge to burst into tears, she wasn’t the sort of woman who cried in front of people but here she was.

Kate rushed to her “Oh Sophie, what is the matter? Are you have second thoughts?” she asked.

Sophie shook her head frantically “Lord no…” she sniffed “its just… very overwhelming… i’ve… i’ve never really had a family… I was thinking of my father… or trying to…”

Kate scowled a little as she hugged Sophie “I know the Bridgerton’s are a big bunch and a lot to take in but Sophie, you could not have asked for a better family. They love without condition, without prejudice and without judgement…” she said with a smile “and after everything, it is what you deserve” she said.

Sophie smiled at Kate and wiped her face “I am just being silly”

“It is the night before your wedding, you are allowed to be a bit emotional” Kate grinned at her “but I promise you, everything is going to be okay. Sometimes family isn’t what we are born into but it is the family we choose to create, who we choose to love and who we choose to let in. The Earl might have been your father, Araminta your step-mother but they were never your family… you my darling girl, were born to be a Bridgerton” Kate smiled.

Sophie chuckled “from what I have heard of your Pall Mall prowess from Daphne and Anthony… so were you”

Kate grinned “perhaps but you… despite everything still love harder than anyone i’ve ever had the pleasure to meet, and I cannot wait to be your sister” she said.

“Likewise” Sophie said honestly.

“Now come on, let us wash away those tears, we have some wine and good food downstairs, let us go celebrate with our family” Kate said.

Sophie smiled at her and did as she asked and as Sophie sipped her wine and looked around the women gathered around her, the men were relegated to the summer house, Sophie knew Kate was right…

This was her family. This was where she belonged…

The Earl was her past… the Bridgerton’s where her present and her future… and that was all that really mattered.

[gay-ghosts-committing-crimes]

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

based off of this post by @ificouldtakeusback

AO3 link

Warnings: death and grief, bee mention

Summary: Bobby deals with losing Sunset Curve <3

Writing taglist (ask to be added or removed):  @barrel-of-cat-mituna @completekeefitztrash @tiergan-andrin-alenefar @lemontarto @hershis-kotlc @genesiscaveat @everything-else-and-mars @juline-dizznee @chaotic-basics @an-absolute-travesty @classyfunnyquotesmuffin7 @smolanxiouscatvoids @itstiger720 @introvertedscarecrow @sunset-telepath @an-idiot-in-a-trenchcoat @cowboypossume @anaccidentwaitingtohappen @sofia-not-sophie @fire-sapphics @dr-alan-grant @real-smooth @juline-dizznee

“There’s a grief that can’t be spoken     There’s a pain goes on and on      Empty chairs at empty tables  Now my friends are dead and gone”

~~

The morning arrived like a man condemned to death, slow-plodding and weighed down by guilt... by grief. The night before had been a swirl of energy; the energy of playing The Orpheum, the energy of being together, about to succeed, on the edge of everything they’d dreamed of. And then... the anxious energy and sick-to-the-stomach feeling of knowing something’s not right. A panicked rush to find his bandmates, his friends, because they were about to go on but they weren’t there, they weren’t there and something wasn’t right, something wasn’t-

Then came the sirens. The red and blue lights. The churning in his stomach became a cold stone.

But now Bobby sat alone, the morning sun streaming in like a memorial to the light in their eyes before it was snuffed out, and he didn’t have energy. He didn’t have the energy to feel anymore, he was exhausted.

He reached up to scrub at his face, wiping away tears that had long stopped falling, eyes dry and scratchy from crying until 3 a.m. and not sleeping at all. He wished he could sleep. He wished he could close his eyes and see something other than the bodies of his friends, something other than the way they had died in each others arms, wished he could think about anything other than the fact that he’d never hug them again or play music with them until his fingers bled and his throat was hoarse and his face sore from smiling.

He just sat. Alone. Exhausted.

The garage-made-studio was silent around him, and he longed to scream. Scream because he was never getting them back, scream because he was hurting, scream scream scream because the studio wasn’t meant to be quiet. It was meant to be filled with life and sound and four boys who loved each other in a way their ‘real’ families never would, playing music and goofing off and being together. It wasn’t meant for a single boy too tired to even cry anymore.

~~

“Here they talked of revolution   Here it was they lit the flame Here they sang about tomorrow    And tomorrow never came

   From the table in the corner  They could see a world reborn And they rose with voices ringing     And I can hear them now!”

~~

Bobby grabbed another box and shoved on top of one he had already stacked, angry tears burning behind his eyes. He hated this room and he hated this garage and he hated that he was alive and his friends were dead and he hated the fact that he was expected to be okay.

Because he wasn’t. He wasn’t okay and he had watched his friends take their last breaths and maybe if he was there sooner they would be alive, but it didn’t matter because they were gone and he wasn’t okay.

He grabbed another box and choked back a sob, anger and guilt and mourning caught and tangled in his chest like a swarm of bees swarming in his lungs until he felt suffocated and smothered. He tripped over a box and bit back a scream, choosing instead to kick at the box before falling to his knees. He couldn’t do this. He was just a kid, and he couldn’t do this.

The tears fell, hot and messy and his voice was choked and gasping, nose snotty and eyes red. Was it less than a week ago that the four of them had stood, side by side, in this very place? Singing and laughing together because they were doing it, they were finally making their place in the world! They were going to turn the music industry on its head and become something.

Bobby remembered how it had started; he and Reggie were the first to meet. They learned guitar together, they sung and played and thought ‘maybe this could be something’. And then Luke came with his voice and guitar and it was something. It was incredible and it was new and they found a place that could be their own and they claimed it for themselves, claimed it for who they were and who they were going to be. And then Alex... Alex with his anxious hands and killer drums came along and suddenly Bobby had a family again.

He remembered the late evenings of lukewarm pizza and song-writing challenges and four boys who were in love with music. It was freedom and it was flying and it was loving and being loved for who you were and not because you were what people wanted from you. It was four boys singing their hearts out. Singing their lives. Their hopes.

They had sung about their future, and now they didn’t even have one.

~~

“The very words that they had sung     Became their last communion         On this lonely barricade                     At dawn

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me      That I live and you are gone  There's a grief that can't be spoken     There's a pain goes on and on”

~~

Bobby thrashed, sweat dripping down his face and his eyes flew open, chest heaving and heart racing. He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face, sighing when he realized he was too tightly wound to go back to sleep. Reluctantly, he got out of bed, tugging on a light sweatshirt and grabbing his guitar before slipping out of his room and heading out.

The night air was muggy and thick, but chilly enough that he was glad he remembered to put something on over his t-shirt. The walk to their... his studio was mostly quiet save for the rare passing of cars, and he let himself get lost in the way the stop-lights reflected in the water on the road, a broken and distorted portrayal of their mirror image. It’s like him, he thinks, and wishes he wasn’t a seventeen year-old boy who had to think of things in terms of ‘Before’ and ‘After’.

He finally got to the studio and slammed the door behind him. It wasn’t like he was going to be quiet when he practiced anyway.

The music started soft. Started gentle and intriguing, and then began to harden, to twist into something loud and broken. It was jagged and hurting and Bobby sang till his throat was dry, like maybe if he sang hard enough they would come back, like maybe if he ruined his voice he wouldn’t have to live with what his best friends had died for, like maybe the universe would bend its uncaring ear and hear him, hear his grief and anger and grant him some semblance of peace, something like an ending.

He played for hours, the pads of his fingers sore, his voice choked and strained from yelling the lyrics, but he kept on. He kept on because when he played it was like the ghosts of them stayed behind to listen.

Luke would be grinning from somewhere beside him, hands moving deftly over his own guitar, Reggie beside him getting flustered when Bobby winked and then playing an incredible riff despite it, and Alex behind them, his hands playing magic on his set, smile wide as he enjoyed the music. And Bobby. 

Bobby strumming and looking at his bandmates and maybe it hurt worse when it was all over, losing them again and again every time he stopped playing, but for that brief moment his friends were back and he wasn’t the lonely teenager in an empty garage with only a few boxes around him to remind him of what is was like to have a home in other people. For a brief moment he was ‘Bobbers’ and ‘Bobbins’ and he was winning a tickle fight with Reggie and getting his hair floofed by Luke, for a brief moment he stopped being ‘Bobby, the boy who lost his best friends and bandmates at age seventeen’ and was ‘Bobby, who was getting chided by Alex for putting his stuff everywhere’.

For a brief moment he wasn’t grieving the only people who really knew what it was like to love him.

~~

   “Phantom faces at the window    Phantom shadows on the floor     Empty chairs at empty tables Where my friends will meet no more

          Oh my friends, my friends Don't ask me what your sacrifice was for        Empty chairs at empty tables   Where my friends will sing no more”

~~

Bobby got older and changed his name. He didn’t want to be the boy that lost his friends, the boy left behind, so he became Trevor, a man who wasn’t brokenhearted. 

It didn’t stop him from being brokenhearted though.

He still saw them in everything, and it wasn’t fair. He’d go to the beach to stare at the water only to jerk his head around when he heard Reggie’s laughter. He’d go to a café but when he’d sit down he’d see Alex drumming his fingers on the table, waiting to order, hear Luke rambling excitedly about a new song he was working on.

The boys may have been dead, but he’d never escape their memory.

He could shove it down as hard as he could, but in the end he’d turn around a corner and catch a glimpse of Reggie walking by, he’d be in the grocery store and overhear Alex sassing Luke. It was a never-ending cycle of shock, hope, and then crushing sadness, because it was never them and it never would be.

The beach was always silent, and the chairs were always empty.

Bobby was alone.

[myromanholidays]

put down the last non kpop song you listened to and the kpop idol it reminds you of!

Tagged by the wonderful Moon aka @kimsunho​ 🌙

The way the only kpop I had heard of just six months ago was BTS and Jackson Wang but now my Spotify is exclusively Korean men with much better skin or fashion sense than I’ll have in my entire lifetime 🙈

Anyway, the last non kpop song I heard was Raataan Lambiyan bc a mom requested for me to teach it to her kid (it’s cute but I had to politely decline bc the lyrics are v romantic and it’s a Bollywood class for 3-5yos lmao).

If you replaced the Punjabi folk influence with jazz funk, you could get some Jonghyun jams like Beautiful Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow, or Love is So Nice. 

I tend to shy away from anything ballad-ish regardless of genre but the only exception to this has been semi-classical Bollywood and Jonghyun’s solo songs - his voice is just so healing and powerful and soulful and versatile. Had his cover of Gloomy Letter on repeat for hours when I first heard it. Thematically, beautiful dramatic thirst songs like Moon or Crazy, cutting emotional lyrics like Let Me Out or End of a Day, and experimental bops like Rewind or Dress Up align pretty well with Bollywood motifs so maybe there’s more here than I realize?

Otherwise, the last liked song in my Spotify library is Cheesin’ by Cautious Clay, Remi Wolf, and Sophie Meiers and it gives me hardcore DPR IAN, So Beautiful vibes. Kinda alt indie, smooth, and acoustic. Wow I should delete the word vomit above huh, can you tell I'm procrastinating real hard

Hope this was at least a lil entertaining to skim Moon 😂😂

Tagging @komorxb​ cuz I think you’re my only mutual who can make any sense of this but no pressure at all! If anyone else reading this listens to kpop, feel free to tag me and hop in!

[adventuresindolls]

Meet Lexie Chapter 3: What Flying Feels Like

(Aside: I know in the story Sophie gets chocolate ice cream and this is clearly a popsicle, but it's the closest I had)

Sophie's friend did come over the next day after Sunday school, but Lexie hardly saw them. She hardly noticed anything that day. Over breakfast, Papa had announced that as a treat to make up for moving, and to forget new school anxiety, they would be going to the County Fair every day this week. Lexie hadn't heard anything said to her since then.

Fairs were thrilling. They meant rare treats and delicious smells and rows of bright booths to hop between. Sophie and Lexie had an ongoing system where they would run around as buddies between the game booths and the ones selling pretty necklaces and giving away paper fans. But when Lexie started to get overwhelmed, they would go together to the 4-H building to look at pretty dresses and pictures of flowers. It was air conditioned in there and much quieter than the rest of the fair. Sometimes Lexie would find a cool corner to sit and read the book she always carried while Sophie found a play area or other kids to talk to.

But best of all were the rides.

They usually went for one day a year. But this year was special—5 whole days of excitement! It was hard for Lexie to think about anything else all day. She read the same page 6 times, lost a Mario game badly to Sophie, and finally went for a long walk around the new neighborhood. She saw a bunch of kids outside playing in sprinklers or shooting Nerf guns at each other, all younger than her. She only got 3 blocks away before deciding it was too hot and turning around. The rest of the day was spent curled up on the couch watching her favorite magic girl anime, which the conversation at shul the day before had reminded her she liked.

She woke up way too early on Monday. By the time Papa called her for breakfast, she had finished her favorite book again and rearranged her stuffed animals. After her usual bowl of dry cereal, she put on her favorite space-themed dress and her comfiest velcro shoes and was pulling on the car door handle before Daddy even had the picnic basket closed.

Lexie had never been to these particular fairgrounds before, but they were as bright and full as she expected. The day wasn't hot yet, which was perfect for running around. They each got $5 for a snack so they didn't have to regroup until lunch.

"What about buying fair stuff?" Lexie asked.

"You can have souvenir money on Friday," Papa told her. "Otherwise you'll buy one thing today and find something better tomorrow."

They ran through the rows of stalls, stuffing Sophie's overall pockets and Lexie's narwhal purse with free pencils in every color of the rainbow and candy they definitely weren't supposed to eat yet. Lexie only had a couple chocolate kisses, but before they reached the end of the lane Sophie had eaten six.

They spent the morning looking at every single booth and spinning prize wheels until they got bored. Having pushed the absolute limit of their patience, they made it as far as 11 o'clock before heading for the games.

Lexie went straight for the ducky fishing game. They had a giant octopus as the big prize. The smiling man handed her a fishing pole and told her to go for it.

She did not immediately go for it. She thought the duck she was aiming for—the little gold one—was about three and half feet away. How hard would she have to swing to hit it without overreaching?

"Hey, are you gonna go?" The man looked a little less smiley now.

Lexie blamed him startling her for why the first time the line went flying past the entire tank. It was much closer the second time, but still plopped into the water an inch away from its goal.

"That's alright!" The man encouraged her. "Try one more time!"

"No, thanks," Lexie politely told him and dashed away before he could try to convince her. She had just remembered that she wanted to save her remaining 8 tickets for rides.

The next thing she remembered was that she hadn't heard Sophie's chatter in a long time. She would be in so much trouble if dads found her alone.

Even worse, something might happen to Sophie, who was "not the most responsible or cautious" kid.

The crowds around her seemed to double suddenly. They were mostly adults or teenagers much taller than her and she couldn't see more than three feet in any direction.

"Sophie?" She meant to call out, but it came out as barely a whisper. That happened sometimes.

Lexie ran up and down the aisles of games and all around the rides next to them. Surely her sister wouldn't be bored enough among the flashing lights and interactive booths to wander back to the ones she had no money for. She tried and failed twice more to call for Sophie, but she doubted even at her loudest she could be heard over the thousand conversations that buzzed around her.

She was about to give up and go find her fathers—who were probably listening to one of the free concerts—and enlist their help whatever the consequences (she was pretty sure by now that Sophie was being murdered or had fallen down a magically appearing manhole) when she spotted her long dark hair by a food booth in a far corner.

"Where have you been?" Lexie wanted to be angry, but instead she felt like crying.

"Right here," Sophie's voice was muffled by a bite of chocolate ice cream, "Where have YOU been?"

"You ran off! You can't do that! We have to stay together."

"I didn't run off. I stopped 'cause I wanted to play something different."

"You have to tell me that!" Lexie really wasn't about to admit that she was mostly embarrassed she hadn't made sure Sophie, who had ADHD and was known to get distracted, was with her.

"Don't yell at me!" Sophie was getting mad.

"Alright, I'm sorry," Lexie finally relented. She gave Sophie a quick hug, which was so rare for her—too much touch made her brain go staticky—that Sophie stopped arguing. "Let's go ride the rides. What's wrong?"

"I don't have any tickets left." Sophie's eyes were wide with surprise and disappointment. "I played a bunch of games, and I didn't even win anything. Can I have one of your tickets?"

Lexie looked down at her sister's tear-filled eyes and felt a sudden sense of protectiveness. She planned so Sophie didn't have to. "You can have two. But only if you tell me where you're going."

"Ok!" Sophie's face instantly brightened.

The rides were all bright colors and flashing lights and quick movements. Lexie didn't even know where to focus and let Sophie lead the way, finishing her ice cream and chattering away about how cool every ride was.

And then she saw the swings.

It had always been her dream to ride that one. It was always more pastel than neon and it looked like fun. Just like spinning on the playground swings but MORE. She had wanted to last year but got too scared at the last minute, even though Papa promised to go with her.

"Sit here and hold my purse. I'll be back." She barely glanced to make sure Sophie obeyed before skipping to wait in line. It seemed very soon that a teenager with a green mohawk took her ticket and motioned her up the metal step. Up close, the ride seemed much bigger, but no one else was hesitating to strap themselves in. Swallowing, she grabbed the chains on the closest chair and pulled herself up into it.

She was still pretty sure it was a good idea, right up until a different teenager came by and pulled the metal bar down on her lap. All of a sudden, she kind of wanted to go back to fishing for ducks. She glanced through the crowd to find Sophie, who was still on the bench and completely ignoring her, her favorite otter in one hand and the other covered in melted ice cream.

Lexie gasped and grabbed the chains with both hands at the first jerk of movement. Several people around her giggled, and she heard at least one "Oh!" of surprise. Very slowly, the ride began to spin and rise into the air. She was torn between stomach-dropping anxiety at being so high and absolute delight at all she could see. The rows of booths looked like brightly colored handkerchief squares. The people swarmed like ants—at least, she thought, there were no crowds up here. She soon lost track of Sophie. And then she could see beyond the fair, to the tiny houses of the city itself. The taller buildings downtown looked like shiny metal twigs. She forgot to be worried.

They were spinning faster. And faster. It wasn't scary up here, really, it was wonderful. It was like everything she'd always wanted to feel when she spun herself until she fell down or kicked her legs to swing as high as possible. It was impossible to describe. Like everything that was always too loud and too bright just stopped. Like there was no such thing as feeling trapped and panicked in a crowd. Like nothing existed but her and the seat and spinning. Like she could stay up here forever. She kicked her legs, making her chair wiggle.

It couldn't actually last forever, of course, and almost before she knew it they were slowing. Her stomach dropped again, this time with disappointment, and her legs nearly collapsed beneath her when she first stumbled out of the chair and through the metal gate.

She found Sophie on the same bench where she'd left her, the remainder of her ice cream staining her hands, face, and overalls, but miraculously not Elliot the Otter. Lexie briefly considered telling her to go wash up, then decided it wasn't worth it.

"Hi! I'm gonna go ride the rollercoaster!"

"Ok."

Sophie hopped up and stuffed Elliot back into her pocket. "What are you gonna ride next?"

"The swings."

"Again?" Sophie looked at her like riding the same ride twice was the weirdest thing she'd heard that day.

But Lexie couldn't help grinning at the thought of freedom and flight. "Yeah."

[tomhiddlestonfanfic]

A Step Too Far? Chapter Two The New Secretary

Ch. 1 - Ch. 2 - Ch. 3 - Ch. 4 - Ch. 5 - Ch. 6 - Ch. 7 - Ch. 8 - Ch. 9

TITLE: A Step Too Far? NUMBER OF CHAPTERS/ONE SHOT: 2/? WHICH TOM CHARACTER: Stepfather Tom OTHER CHARACTERS: Benedict Cumberbatch, Andrew Scott PAIRING: Tom/OFC, Benedict Cumberbatch/OFC GENRE: Drama SUMMARY: A step too far; when you’ve gone beyond acceptable limits… Nina is a twenty year old girl with a problem; she’s painfully attracted to her stepfather (Tom Hiddleston). One day, she finds porn on his computer with girls looking a lot like herself, and she can’t help but wondering if he feels the same sexual attraction to her as she does to him. That same day, Tom has a very attractive colleague over for dinner (Benedict Cumberbatch). One thing leads to another and Nina finds herself becoming their new secretary. Will her flirtatious behaviour be kept in check or will she end up taking things a step too far? FEEDBACK: Please, give feedback! AUTHOR’S NOTE: Thank you for reading! Just let me know if you want to be on the taglist for this story.

CHAPTER TWO The New Secretary

Nina smiled as she was shown her desk at the office. She was actually going to work there, like a real grownup, rather than sitting at home trying to figure out what to do with her life. She was really excited about her new job and paid close attention to everything her precursor was telling her. She was determined to do well, to show Tom that he was wrong about her.

"Hello, Nina at Odinson Enterprise, how can I help you?" Nina answered her first phone call. She was instructed to answer in either swedish or english depending on which phone that rang. She had answered the swedish phone, but the woman on the other end was speaking english. 

"Hello, this is Sophie, Ben's wife. I would like you to leave him a message for me," the woman at the other end of the phone said. 

"Okay, Sophie, what's the message?" Nina asked, grabbing a pen and paper. 

"Could you tell him to pick up my parents at the airport at twenty past three, their flight number is seven hundred and six. Tell him it's important," Sophie requested. 

"Of course, Sophie. Was that all?" Nina wondered. 

"That's all," Sophie replied. 

"Have a good day," Nina said, a bit unsure how to finish the call. 

"Thanks. You too," Sophie replied politely. 

"Thank you. Bye," Nina said. 

"Bye." The phone hung up and Nina was almost shaking with excitement at how she had managed to finish the rather simple task of taking a message. Now she just had to present it to Benedict, or mister Cumberbatch as she was now required to address him when in the presence of others. 

"Andrea," Nina said excitedly. "I have a message for mister Cumberbatch, what do I do?" 

"You check the diary and try to find a good moment to deliver the message to him," Andrea said helpfully and showed her the diary.

"Seems like he's a busy man," Nina noted as she looked through the day's schedule. "Will he even have time to pick up Sophie's parents at the airport?" 

"Let me see," Andrea offered and looked at Nina's notes. She went ahead and opened Tom's diary. "Tom could take the meeting at three."

"Okay, good," Nina replied. "So when do we inform them?" 

"You can inform them now. Ask Tom first if he can take the meeting, and then inform Ben when you know for sure," Andrea instructed.

"Okay, thank you, Andrea," Nina said appreciatively and headed towards Tom's office. Andrea cleared her throat. 

"Don't forget to bring him his ten o clock coffee," she reminded her.

"Oh, thank you. Do I bring Ben coffee as well?" Nina asked insecurely. 

"He usually takes his coffee nearer to eleven on Mondays," Andrea replied. 

"Oh God, it seems like I have a lot to learn," Nina commented as she scribbled down the coffee times in her little notepad. 

"You're a quick learner, you'll do just fine," Andrea assured her. "By the end of the week, you'll be more than ready to take over for me." 

"Thank you, Andrea," Nina said appreciatively, beginning to feel as though she might have been overconfident with accepting the job on such short notice.

Nina grabbed the cup of coffee that Andrea had prepared for Tom and went to knock on his office door before opening it.

"Hi, Tom," Nina said with a smile as she walked inside his office, leaving the door half open behind her. 

"Hi, Nina. Thank you very much," Tom said courteously as she sat the cup of coffee down his desk. "How's your first day?" 

"Informative," she replied in swedish, unable to come up with the english word for it. 

"You could say enlightening or informative," Tom said helpfully. Nina smiled. They often did this; helped each other with finding the right words when speaking each others' languages. 

"It's been very enlightening, thank you for asking. How's your day?" Nina asked. 

"Busy as always," Tom told her with a slight sigh. 

"About that, we were wondering if you could take today's three o' clock meeting," she asked. 

"I'm sorry, but no. I can't, because then I won't be able to make it to your mother's ultrasound," Tom replied. 

"Is that today?" Nina asked excitedly. "Are you going to check if it's a boy or a girl?" 

"That's for your mother to decide," Tom told her with a smile. 

"I'll let Andrea know you can't make the meeting. See you around," Nina told him breezily and left his office, feeling excited about the baby. "Tom couldn't take the three o' clock meeting," she informed Andrea. "He's going to an ultrasound."

"Oh, right. I completely forgot about that," Andrea said embarrassedly and instinctively touched her own sizable abdomen at the mention of the ultrasound. She opened a third diary on the desk. "Let's see if Andrew can take it," she said and Nina went up to peek over her shoulder.

"Looks like he can move the paperwork to some other time and take the meeting. Why don't you bring him a cup of tea and ask him?" Andrea instructed. 

"Oh, okay," Nina replied and grabbed the cup of tea that Andrea had somehow found the time to prepare in between all the other tasks and phone calls. With a growing sense of nervousness, Nina walked up to the door and knocked. She waited for a response before carefully opening the door. "Good morning, mister Scott," she greeted him politely. "I'm Nina and hopefully I'll be your new secretary starting next week."

"Oh, hi, Nina. By all means, feel free to call me Andrew when it's just the two of us," he told her mirthfully. 

"Okay Andrew. I have a little question for you. Could you take Ben's three o' clock meeting today so he can pick up his parents in law at the airport?" Nina wondered. 

"What did I have planned for three o' clock?" Andrew asked. 

"Paperwork," Nina replied. 

"Right, I do have a lot of paperwork to do. But I'll do it, if you could do me a favour, Nina," Andrew said cagily. 

"What is the favour?" Nina asked. 

"Could you stay behind today to help me with the paperwork? Of course you'll get paid for it," Andrew requested. 

"Sure. I don't really have any experience, but I'll do my best," Nina told him. 

"All the more reason for you to do it. You could use the practice," Andrew replied and smiled appreciatively as she put the teacup down in front of him. "Thank you, Nina." 

"You're welcome," Nina replied before taking her leave. 'He said yes,' she mouthed at Andrea who was on the phone and made the thumbs up to her. Nina walked up to Benedict's office with the note in her hand and knocked on the door. 

"Come in," came his voice from the other side of the door. Nina smiled to herself as she opened the door and shut it behind her. 

"Good morning, Ben," she greeted him cheerfully.

"Good morning, Nina," Benedict replied with a smile as he averted his gaze from the computer screen. "How's your first day at work?" 

"Enlightening," Nina replied with a smile. "But I feel like I have a lot to learn." 

"You'll do just fine, I'm sure," Benedict assured her. 

"I sure hope so," Nina said. "I have a message for you from your wife," she added and handed him the piece of paper. 

"Nice handwriting, it's easy to read," Benedict commended. "Don't I have a meeting at three?" 

"You did, but Andrew said he could take it for you," Nina informed him with a smile.

"That's great. Thank you," Benedict said appreciatively. "Could you please bring me a cup of coffee?" he requested. 

"Of course," Nina replied and instantly went to fetch him a coffee. When she came back, he smiled at her as she put down the cup of coffee on the desk in front of him, making sure to show off her cleavage in the process. “There you go, mister Cumberbatch,” she had practiced and was now able to say his last name with a straight face.

“Thank you, miss Andersson,” Benedict replied in a businesslike tone. She grinned at him in response. 

"Do you need anything else?" she asked, gently touching his shoulder. 

"Actually, I was wondering if you could stay behind today and help me with some paperwork," he requested. 

"I already promised Andrew I would help him, but maybe tomorrow?" she offered. 

"Tomorrow is good," Benedict agreed and Nina smiled before leaving his office. She threw a glance over her shoulder and caught him indiscreetly checking her ass out. She winked at him before shutting the door.

The day went by quickly since Andrea constantly kept her busy with various tasks. There were a lot of things to learn, such as the three men's busy schedules and about their habits and preferences.

"Tomorrow will be easier," Andrea assured her once the working day had come to an end. 

"I still have to help Andrew with some paperwork," Nina remembered and sighed as she reached into her bag for yet another energy drink. 

"You drink a lot of those," Andrea remarked.

"I need them," Nina said defensively. 

"You're addicted to them," Andrea smiled. 

"I probably am," Nina agreed with a shrug. 

"How about tomorrow, you try drinking coffee instead," Andrea suggested. 

"Just coffee?" Nina questioned. 

"Just coffee," Andrea replied. 

"Now you're being too hard on the rookie," Nina complained. 

"At least I'm not worse than Andrew who asked you to work late on your first day," Andrea told her. "Don't forget the laptop, most of the paperwork is digitalised." 

“Right. See you tomorrow,” Nina replied. 

“See you tomorrow.”

Nina bit her lip nervously as she approached Andrew’s office. He was the only one left there except for herself. He was handsome. He was about the same height as Nina, had friendly brown eyes, brown hair and an expressive face. When he was happy, his entire being seemed to light up, and when he was angry he looked like a thundercloud. She had seen him angry once during that first day, and that was when he came back from a lunch meeting. As she knocked on the door, she hoped to find sunshine Andrew on the other side. 

“Hi, Nina. Are you ready for some paperwork?” Andrew asked her from behind the desk. He looked tired, but he seemed to be in a good mood.

"Sure. Can I get you something before we begin. Tea? Coffee?" Nina offered. 

"No thanks, I'm good," Andrew replied with a smile and motioned for her to sit down in the chair in front of his dark wooden desk. Nina sat down, put her work computer down and looked at him expectantly. "I think you're supposed to open the lid first," Andrew told her humorously. 

"Right," Nina said with a blush as she opened the lid, put it on and typed in the password on the computer. She felt a bit awkward around Andrew. He was very charismatic, but she hadn't noticed him looking at her the way other men had throughout the day. She probably wasn't his type. "Has Andrea shown you how to file records yet?" 

"Briefly," Nina said. 

"Here, I'll show you," Andrew offered and walked up behind her, leaning over her as he showed her what to do and how to do it. She felt the scent of his musky cologne, and swallowed slightly as she thought about how attractive he was. She hadn't really tried flirting with him, because he seemed so serious about his work. But now he seemed more relaxed than before. 

"I think I've got it now," Nina finally told him after a few minutes' demonstration of the filing system.

"Show me," Andrew instructed and Nina successfully filed a record. "Great. Keep going and I'll answer some mail. Let me know if you have any questions." 

Nina kept filing records until Andrew finally announced that they were done for the day. She let out a sigh of relief and got herself ready to leave. 

"Do you want a ride home?" Andrew offered as they left the building together. 

"Sure, if it's not any trouble," Nina said. 

"Not at all," Andrew smiled. Nina made sure to show off her cleavage as she got in the car, but noticed that he was not interested in the least. "Perhaps you should wear a top with a higher neckline tomorrow, your breasts are almost falling out," he remarked amusedly. 

"They are?" Nina asked and looked down at her breasts. He was right, they were nearly bursting out of her bra and top. "Damn it, I must have gained weight," she muttered to herself as she examined her body. 

"You're beautiful and definitely don't need to worry about your weight, Nina," Andrew assured her with a sympathetic look in his eyes. "Don't become a slave to unhealthy ideals," he advised as he started the car. 

"Easy for you to say, you're a man," Nina muttered. She felt close to tears as she was disgusted by her own body. 

"Don't be sad, Nina. I find you very attractive, I just don't swing that way," Andrew told her in an attempt to comfort her. 

"Are you saying you're gay?" she asked with a frown.

"Yes," Andrew affirmed. 

"Thanks for telling me," she said appreciatively.

"I shouldn't have to tell you that in order for you not to get sad," Andrew said honestly. "What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't look for men's affirmation so much. You are great just the way you are, no matter if someone is checking you out or not." 

"Thanks, Andrew. I really appreciate you saying that," Nina replied with a sad smile. "I'll wear more appropriate clothes to work, I don't want anyone to think I'm not serious about this job, because I am."

"After all that filing you did today, you can't be anything but serious about this job," Andrew praised. "If you want an idea about what to wear, just look at what Andrea's wearing."

"Maternity clothes?" Nina asked, causing him to laugh. 

"You know what I mean," he said. 

"Dress shirt and pants?" Nina asked. 

"That would be nice. Or a skirt. The skirt you're wearing now is perfectly fine. It's a good length. Just think higher neckline with your tops," Andrew advised as he stopped the car outside her house. 

"Thanks Andrew," Nina told him with a warm smile before exiting the car.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said cheerfully. 

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," Nina replied before heading inside her house. 

"There's some food for you on the stove," her mother greeted her once she got through the door. 

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry," Nina declined before hurrying up to her room to examine herself in the mirror. Tears filled her eyes as she decided that she needed to lose some weight.

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

[shadowhuntertrash]

High Notes

I own nothing

Chapter Six

  The day went by quickly and Thomas didn’t have much time to ponder the almost kiss he had with Alastair or the girl's from the coffee shop’s words until dinner that night. Lucie and Cordelia had gone and had an early dinner with Alastair and the other boys had decided to have a late dinner and go ahead and knock the rest of their rehearsal out. 

   James and Christopher were in a deep discussion about dress rehearsal they had tomorrow and Thomas found himself, once again, under the scrutinizing gaze of Matthew. Thomas moved the fry around on his plate, his hamburger long forgotten. He was too anxious to eat anyway. “Who started it?” Matthew asked in a quiet voice. Thomas raised an eyebrow, “Math I have no earthly idea what you’re talking about.” He said innocently shrugging, Matthew just glared.

   “Stop it, we both know you do.” They held eye contact for a minute and Thomas was reminded vaguely of a dominance match between dogs. Thomas gave up with a huff and looked back down at his fries again. “I honestly don’t know. I had a panic attack and then we were just walking and then it just kind of… happened. Lord, that sounds dull.” Matthew smirked at him and Thomas groans, burying his head in his hands. Matthew laughs softly and James looks over at them. “What are we talking about?” James asked, propping his chin on Matthew’s shoulder so he could see Thomas. 

   Thomas had sat in this booth first, Matthew had sat next to Thomas and then James, the social anxiety impersonation he is, sat next to Matthew instead of sitting in the booth with Christopher. Which led to Thomas, Matthew, and James being squished together and Christopher propping his legs up in his practically empty booth.

   They had to sit in the back because most places they go they get noticed by fans and won’t get any peace. It was a habit now (for their band and Alastair and the girls) to ask for a spot in the back or off in a corner somewhere when they went out to eat.

   “We’re talking about Thomas and Alastair almost kissing.” Matthew said as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Christopher choked on his drink and James looked at Thomas with wide eyes. “When did that happen!” Christopher said when he had stopped choking. Thomas was sure he resembled a tomato at this point.

   He hit Matthew, who was still laughing hysterically, in the arm and slumped further in his seat, hating his height more than anything at the moment. “When we found them, they were about to kiss and then we stumbled upon them and they didn’t.” Matthew frowned and slumped against James. “What a bunch of cock blocks we are.” Matthew said as if it were him that didn’t get to kiss someone he wanted to. 

   Thomas found himself laughing at Matthew’s forlorn expression and James’s still too wide eyes. “Nothing really happened. We were just walking and talking. We were actually trying to find you guys because I told Matthew twenty minutes and then I realized I was late because I didn’t have my phone on. Sorry about that Math, I know you worry. So I was trying to-”

   Matthew cut him off with a raised hand. “Stop rambling it’s okay. I was just picking and James was just a little shocked.” Matthew finished with a shape jab to James’ ribs which seemed to snap James out of his daze. James nodded enthusiastically before looking at Matthew with a wide smile. “Oh my god otp Matthew OTP!” Matthew and Christopher burst out laughing and Thomas slumped impossibly further in his chair. Why did they always have to pick on him?

   Matthew dropped his hand on Thoams’ shoulder and Thomas looked at him. Matthew was looking at him with a look that was strictly reserved for James, Thomas, and Christopher. A soft look that was often off putting since he was constantly annoyed or making a joke out of everything and anything.

   “You know Tommy we only pick on you because it’s easy with how embarrassed you get. We love you and as much as I dislike Alastair I think you two would be good for each other. Plus,” He added a wink that made Thomas blush before he even heard the next part. “I think you could teach him some well needed manners.” Thomas laughed softly and gave Mattew a pointed look. 

   “You really shouldn’t make fun of my pining, saying as it is not nearly as bad as yours was.” Matthew put his hand to his chest in mock hurt. “You wound me Thomas. Anyhow even if that was accurate,” He turned to James and stuck his tongue out boyishly. “Which it wasn’t,” He turned back to Thomas who was smiling at his friends. “It isn’t my fault you’re too nice and didn’t pick on me when you had the chance.” Thomas rolled his eyes.

   It was common knowledge that Thomas was nice, it was why the fans had dubbed him the ‘Kind One’ or ‘Gentle Giant’ as some others called him. He hated that one thought, gentle giant made him sound dull. They had dubbed Matthew as the ‘Sexy One’, James the ‘Mysterious One’, and Christopher, well Christopher was his own category.

   Thomas pushed Matthew playfully and Matthew fell back dramatically accidentally falling on James, causing him to fall out of the seat. “Jesus Math, be careful.” James said taking Matthew’s outstretched hand and getting back to his feet, Matthew was too busy laughing to listen to him.

   Thomas sat back watching them, his brothers by all means but blood, and smiled. How did he get so lucky?

   When it was time to go back to the hotel rooms, which they were staying in when they weren’t on the road, they all split ways smiling and wishing each other goodnight. Thomas followed Christopher to their room. There were two beds so Thomas knew he could stand staying with Christopher.

   Thomas showered as soon as they got to the hotel. Some people thought it was weird but Thomas showered twice a day and washed his hair at least once a day. Matthew always picked on it but Thomas just shrugged it off he didn’t feel clean if he didn’t wash his hair.

   Thomas took his time feeling the hot water wash off the stress of the day. As soon as he had got to the quiet hotel room the fans from the diner’s words came back to him. He knew he would spend too much time thinking about this.

   He got out of the shower about 40 minutes later and ran his towel through his hair shaking it out. He flopped gracelessly on the bed and groaned. Christopher was fast asleep on the bed next to him, the sound he was making strongly reminded Thomas of a lawnmower.

   Thomas grabbed his phone, turned the brightness down, as he began feeling the beginning of a headache, and read the texts he had received. 

Matthew Unfairchild:

Sleep well dream of your knight in shining armor <3

   Thomas scoffed and replied,

Tommy:

We all know I’m more into Prince Charming. <3

   He opened a text from Lucie and smiled at her picture. It was a picture from the first time they went to Disney World. No one else would go with her, Cordelia didn’t like it because she couldn’t stand the lines and decided it was no more magical than Six Flags. James and Matthew had claimed too manly (however it turned out they went two months before without telling anyone), and Christopher, bless his soul, wouldn’t stop going on and on about the mechanisms in the rides and that just made everyone untrustworthy of the shaky rides.

   So Thomas had gone with her and they had stayed for two days, riding rides and meeting characters. The picture that made her profile was of her in front of Cinderella’s castle with a bunch of fireworks going off in the background. She was mid jump and a look of pure happiness plastered on her face, she had an ice cream cone in her hand however the ice cream was mid fall.

   It was Thomas’ all time favorite picture of her and he was quietly proud of his photography skills. Lucie’s parents, Tessa and Will, had taken one look at the picture and demanded it be framed and hung on the wall of their house. Thomas was proud of that too.

   

Luce <33:

Matthew told me what happened. I'm so mad at myself. You two were finally gonna kiss and I messed it up I’m so sorry Tommy.

   Thomas laughed and shook his head. It seemed everyone was rooting for them and Thomas was quietly pleased. Thomas just hoped he wasn’t going off of false hope.

Tommy:

It’s fine sweetie don’t worry about it. I wasn’t thinking anyway.

   Thomas checked his other text to find pictures of Barbara’s engagement ring and a video of her telling our parents about her engagement. Thomas smiled slightly and watched the video with the volume on low knowing exactly how his mom would react. He did however have to turn it up when he couldn’t hear the video over Christopher’s snoring.

   He watched as Barbara casually, without words, held up her engagement ring for them to see. Sophie’s hands automatically came up to cover her mouth as her eyes started watering dangerously. Gideon however stared at it not comprehending yet. “He did not!” Sophie all but screamed. He listened as Barbara and Oliver started laughing. 

   Gideon’s mouth fell open slightly, understanding brightening his eyes. He walked over quickly and hugged her, Sophie joining quickly. The video ended then and Thomas sent his sister a text.

Tommy:

Aww! They’re so proud! I’m proud of you. It was about time Oliver took the next step! Love you tons miss you more!

   Thomas opened the last unread message and furrowed his eyebrows, it was an unknown number. Thomas opened it and felt a smile stretching across his face. 

Unknown Number:

Hey I asked Lucie for your number hope you don’t mind.

Unknown Number:

It’s Alastair btw lol

   Thomas let out a happy sound that immediately made him blush even though Christopher wasn’t awake to hear it. Thomas took a few calming breaths cursing himself for acting like a little girl with a crush.

Tommy:

Oh hey I don’t mind sorry for responding late

   Thomas stared down at the message, that was cool right? Not too eager, not too pushy. Thomas sighed roughly and put his phone on the nightstand by their beds. Thomas closed his eyes and replayed the events of the day, the practicing, the boys trying to convince him to sing at a concert, the girls words which were still ringing in his ears much to his dismay, and Alastair. 

   Daring Alastair with his stupid dyed hair and his face that lights up constantly. Thomas shook his head as if he could physically fling the thoughts from his head. He got up knowing he wasn’t going to be able to sleep yet. Christopher was making sure of that. Thomas knew in the back of his mind that he was probably going to end up in James and Matthew’s room.

   Thomas got up and picked up his guitar. It had been a long day and he had written a song but he didn’t want to play it for anyone yet. It was deeper than his normal ones, it was more just words he needed out of his head. Thomas huffs loudly the girls words playing on repeat in his head, he could tell he was getting a migraine but he bit back the pain and started strumming.

I don't know why I just feel I'm better off

Stayin' in the same room I was born in

I look outside and see a whole world better off

Without me in it tryin' to transform it

You are out of my mind, oh

You aren't seein' my side, oh

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind, yeah

Listen, I know

This one's a contradiction because of how happy it sounds

But the lyrics are so down

It's okay though

Because it represents, wait, better yet it is

Who I feel I am right now

You are out of my mind, oh

You aren't seein' my side, oh

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

Oh, don't you test me, no

Just because I play the piano

Doesn't mean I, I'm not willin' to take you down

I'm sorry

I'm, I'm out of my mind, oh

I'm not seein' things right, oh

I waste all this time tryin' to run from you

But I'm, I'm out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, oh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, oh

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

You are out of my mind

You aren't seein' my side

You waste all this time tryin' to get to me

But you are out of my mind

Heard you say, "Not today"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a sound

Heard your voice, "there's no choice"

Tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise

   Thomas sighed and sat his guitar down rubbing his forehead with one hand. He got migraines when he had stressful days, which in all honesty were more often than not. Maybe he could ask Matthew for migraine medicine, he was sure to have some.

   Thomas got up and jot down a message telling Christopher where he went in case he woke up, which wasn’t likely but he didn’t want to risk it. He put some sunglasses on because the yellow lighting in the halls made his head worse and walked down to James and Matthew’s room which was only three doors down.

   Everyone knew where the others were sleeping in case of emergency or if they just wanted to hang out. 

   Thomas was about to knock when he heard some noises coming from inside. He furrowed his eyebrows wondering the hell they could be doing to make that racket. He could hear the bed hitting the wall and realization dawned on him. Crap.

   Thomas whined softly knowing that he couldn’t get Matthew’s medicine now. He blushed furiously and walked away from their door quickly trying to erase the noises he had just heard. He sighed and shook his head stopping for a moment when a sharp wave of pain hit him and he stumbled slightly.

   Thomas put his hand on the wall and walked slowly to Lucie and Cordelia’s room slowly, waiting for the room to stop spinning. He cursed when he stood in front of the door. He knocked sharply not wanting to be too loud in case they were asleep. He stood there for a few minutes before he turned to head back to his room deciding to wait it out.

   The door opened as Thomas took his second step. Thomas let out a noise of relief. “Lucie-” He started softly before realizing that it wasn’t Lucie standing there, it wasn’t Cordelia either. It was Alasatiar.

   Thomas looked at him for a while trying to wrap his head around why Alastair was there before slowly realizing that this wasn’t the girls room it was Alastair’s. Thomas groaned loudly and stumbled slightly. Alastair’s eyes, normally playful and joyous, were now darkening; he was practically scowling and Thomas shrunk away.

   “Lightwood please don’t tell me you’re wasted.” Alastair said glaring Thomas shook his head and promptly sat down when the room spun too fast. Thomas let out an exasperated laugh. Alastair was now looking at him with concern, all annoyance gone. “Lightwood what’s wrong with you?” He said squatting down so he was eye level with Thomas.

   Thomas looked at him in confusion before shrugging trying to ignore the pounding in his head. He hadn’t meant to be here and it was quite embarrassing to be a stumbling, collapsing mess in front of someone he cared so much to impress or at least not embarrass himself in front of. Alastair’s eyes narrowed, not a glare, but a look that said stop lying.

  “Thomas you all but collapsed in front of me and you’re saying there’s nothing wrong?” Thomas let out a small noise. “James and Matthew are shagging.” Alastair’s eyebrows shot up. That was obviously not what he was expecting, Thomas laughed. “And this affects you and I how?” I close my eyes, the pain radiating and pulsing in my head. 

   “I needed his medicine.” I explain quietly trying to show him he needed to be quiet. He seemed to take the message because the next time he spoke it was significantly quieter. “Thomas what medicine?” Thomas furrowed his brows trying to think of the name giving up quickly when that just made the pain in his head worse. He really really hated migraines.

   “Thomas,” Alastair said, now kneeling in front of Thomas. He looked slightly desperate and Thomas took a moment to appreciate that he had never seen Alastair look like that before. “Thomas come on what medicine.” I pat his shoulder and stand up shakily. “It’s alright I actually meant to go to Lucie’s room.” 

   Alasatir gave him a serious look and took his hand gently leading him inside the cold hotel room. “Thomas just come here and what medicine do you need?” Thomas didn’t even try to fight him, knowing Alastair was too stubborn to let him go easily. He was attempting to ignore the fact that his head was steadily getting worse and how his stomach was flipping dangerously. “Migraine.” Thomas said simply, answering Alastair’s question as best he could. Alastair looked at him wearily. 

   “Is that what’s going on? You have a migraine?” Thomas nodded and that was all it took to push him overboard. Thomas gasped and stood up quickly stumbling to the bathroom and barely making it in time to empty out his stomach in the toilet. He felt a hand on his back and soothing words but the burn in his throat and throbbing in his head was all he could think about.

   “Thomas, I’m going to go get some medicine okay? Do you want me to stay or are you going to be okay for a minute?” Thomas just groaned in response and continued emptying his stomach contents. He honestly didn’t believe he had much in his stomach because he hadn’t eaten much that day but he was being proven wrong.

   He felt the hand leave his back and he threw up a little more before sitting back and resting his back on the bathtub. Thomas groaned in embarrassment when he realized that not only had he accidentally come to Alastair’s room, collapsed in front of him, and was dragged into his room, but he had also thrown up in front of him.

   Thomas didn’t get much time to ponder that thought because Alastair came back with pills and water. His face was calm but his eyes were slightly panicked. Thomas wondered if he was the only one who could see it or if Alastair just showed it obviously.

   Thomas took the water gratefully and drank it quickly, onl stopping when Alastair put a hand on his and carefully lowered it, taking the glass with it. “I brought you some medicine too. It’s not migraine medicine but it should help a little.” Thomas nodded, head still throbbing and took the small pills Alastair had offered him. He threw them back easily and swallowed them dry, taking the drink back from Alastair’s frozen hand.

   Alastair was watching him with a dark look in his eyes, something Thomas couldn’t place but he knew it wasn’t bad. Not the kind of look Alastair had when he thought Thomas was drunk. Thomas shuddered and finished the water. Alastair helped him up and put his arm around Thomas’ waist to keep him steady.

   Thomas flopped on the bed, not unlike he had earlier that night and sighed. His stomach didn’t feel as bad but his head was still pounding. Alastair sighed and sat up against the headboard, holding his arm out, inviting Thomas closer. 

   Thomas didn’t have to be told twice. He all but collapsed on Alastair’s lap. Thomas hummed contentedly as Alastair ran his fingers through his hair. Thomas grunted when he couldn’t find a comfortable position with his sunglasses off. Alastair gently tugged his glasses off and Thomas groaned as a new wave of pain hit him when his eyes saw the light. Alastair quickly blocked the light with his hand and leaned over to turn off the lamp.

   The room was plunged into darkness and Thomas just cuddled deeper into Alastair’s lap. He could vaguely remember that this wasn’t his room and he shouldn’t be doing this but need to sleep, most likely due to the pills, was overwaying his ability to freak out properly. When Alastair started humming he couldn’t keep himself aware of much anymore. 

   One thing Thomas was aware of was the fact that Alastair’s fingers felt good in his hair. Thomas wondered what it felt like to run his fingers through Alastair’s hair. To bring his face closer. To kiss him. 

   There were so many things he wanted to do and a massive inability to do any of it. Thomas was decidedly ready to tell Alastair how he felt. If he were any more awake he might have even done it right then, but he knew he was far too gone to do it.

   Thomas listened to Alastair’s quiet humming and decided that he would tell him over a song. Thomas shifted slightly so his head was resting more on Alastair’s thigh and smiled tiredly. “Alastair?” The man in question made a noise in place of an answer. “I’m going to sing my song.” He realized too late that that probably made no sense whatsoever but it seemed Alastair understood because he beamed at Thomas and ruffled his hair slightly. “I’m glad. I love hearing you sing. I’m proud of you for deciding to do it.” 

   Thomas hummed non-committedly. “Only for you.” He mumbled before his eyes slipped closed against his will and his mind gave way to dreams. He could have sworn right before he fell asleep that he felt someone kiss his head, but he chalked it up to sleep and want.

[coffeesuperhero]

fic: you can’t go home again

2900 words, somewhere on a continuum between Gen and pre-OT3, rating: Mature. Eliot-POV, set immediately after Low Low Price, but like, in the correct universe, where Low Low Price Job came before the Rundown Job instead of after. 

I wrote this because it bugs the heck out of me that afaik there’s no in-canon answer to why Eliot cut his hair, so I wrote 2900 words of post-Low Low Price blathering to explain it to myself...and actually addressed that in like one sentence, lol. I am who I am. 

It's an hour from the house that used to be Eliot's home back to Oklahoma City, or at least, it's an hour if you care about speed limits. On this particular occasion, Eliot makes it in a little more than half that. He spends the time he made up driving aimlessly around, looking at all the shit that's here now that wasn't here when he left. What his hometown lost, this place has found. He doesn't really know how to feel about that. Good? Bad? Vindicated? He left home behind the first time for a long list of reasons, but one at the top of the list was that he didn't see a future where he was, not for himself, not for anybody else, and what do you fucking know. He wasn't wrong.

Even so, maybe he could have called at least once in the last decade.  For all the good it would have done. At least he could say he tried. But he didn't, and now there's so much water under the bridge there's an ocean where there used to be a river.

There's a parking garage entrance on his right, one of the ones downtown connected to one of the big old hotels, and he pulls into it and just sits there for a bit. Looks at the empty space on the passenger seat where the six pack of beer was sitting. Looks at the signs on the wall of the garage directing him to the hotel's entrance. Thinks about staying the night. Thinks about how he's supposed to be back in Portland in a couple of days, because he asked that nice lady from the last job on a date, a real one, because he was suffering under some kind of delusion that he could be a normal guy instead of a miserable fucking bastard whose longest relationship to date is, ha, probably the one he doesn't actually have with Parker and Hardison.  

"Fuck," he says, staring at himself in the rearview mirror.

Whatever he decides to do tonight, he's pretty sure at this moment that all attempts at normalcy are a no-go, so he pulls out his phone, finds Tabitha's number, and cancels all of that bullshit with what he hopes is an appropriately apologetic note. He doesn't type You reminded me of home and that was nice but you know what, I tried and it turns out they're right, and you can't go home again, and trust me on this one, you're better off without me, because he may be miserable but he knows full well that misery doesn't actually love company, misery doesn't love anything, and he's not passing that on to a nice lady who's just trying to run her business and go about her day.

He hits send, and then he turns off his phone and leans against the headrest.

"Fuck," he says again. Now what?

He assesses the situation. Plays out his options. So, this fucking hurts, first of all. But that's fine. Eliot's no stranger to injuries. Getting them, fighting through them, healing up after. First rule of injuries: don't fucking lie to yourself about how bad it is. Well, the first rule is probably, get yourself the hell away from whoever did that shit to you, but the second one is definitely some variation on be honest about how much it sucks. And this shit may be an emotional fucking injury but that doesn't mean it doesn't fucking suck. Hell, it's his own goddamn dad, and that bridge isn't just burned, it's in little pieces floating downriver. It'll keep hurting tomorrow, regardless of what he does tonight. It'll probably hurt for a while.

How do you treat any of that? If this was just a broken bone or a concussion or some shit he'd know what to do, but he's kind of at a loss, right now. After all, the last time he went through this particular kind of injury the way he treated it was to fuck off and join the army, and none of that is an option anymore for any number of reasons.

He looks at the hotel sign again. What the fuck is he gonna do here tonight, anyway? He's close enough to Bricktown, which has really fucking taken off since he left here, so he could probably wander into some bar, pick somebody up, bring them back to a hotel room-- and then what? Fuck them and hope in the morning it doesn't sting as much?

Maybe it wouldn't be the worst way to spend an evening but it also just doesn't hit right, tonight. He's not good company right now. Doesn't want to fake being charming or happy or whatever for somebody for a night so he can feel just a little less miserable for a few hours before he leaves this place and never comes back. He came all the way out here for a real conversation that he's never really going to have, and now he has a very real ache in his chest from years and years of regret, and whatever he does after this he just wants it to be real, too, even if it's just wallowing in real misery for a while.

That does sound more like what Nate would do, though, and that isn't particularly interesting to him. He knows where that road goes and it's not anyplace he wants to be, because if it was Nate in this situation there's a good chance he'd crawl right into a bottle and never come out. And there's Sophie, who would paint on a convincing smile while she quietly bottled up all the pain and the hurt to use later for motivation, like it was some magic potion she could drink later to fuel a con, and who knows, maybe she could, but he doesn't think he can. And what would Hardison do? Eliot snorts. Like he even has to ask. Stay, definitely. Drive back down there right now and try again. And again, and again, patiently offering his heart to people whether they deserve it or not. That's Hardison all over. And Parker-- Parker would cut and run and you'd never know she'd been there.

Except no, that's not right. That's Eliot's play, or it used to be. Parker would never have come back in the first fucking place. Parker would have known better.

If he had known better, he'd still be in Portland, probably cooking the two of them dinner, because that's how he spends more evenings than he'd like to admit, lately. That, or re-planning the menu for the brewpub, because someone has to, and it looks like that someone has to be him, because if he leaves it up to Hardison the pizza will have anchovies and pineapple and the beer really will live up to Parker's promise of mouth crimes. They need him. And-- well-- okay, he needs them, too, probably. If he wants something real, they are definitely that. Sometimes they're just real weird, but even on their worst days hanging out with them is better than sitting here alone. They're his; he’s theirs. They're family. The only one he's got.

So he starts the truck and drives straight to the airport and asks the ticket agent if there's any way in hell he can get back to Portland tonight.

But there's nothing direct from here to Portland left going out today on any airline, and no matter how much he sweet talks the nice lady behind the counter, that ain't changing. She kinda reminds of his grandmother, which honestly is just not helping his emotional state, and is probably the reason why, when he opens his mouth to plead his case to this lady what comes out is, "I just really need to be with my family," instead of literally anything else.

"Bless your heart," she says, reaching across the counter to gently pat his hand, and fuck, isn't that just the worst thing she could've said. People from other places tend to assume that phrase only means one thing, but the actual truth is that it can mean anything from boy, are you a dumbass to I see your pain and I want you to know that you are not alone in this cold dark world and I don't rightly know how but trust me, it is going to be okay, and this is the latter one, for sure. And he has held up under torture, under hours and hours and days and days of physical pain, without cracking, but this sweet lady and her voice and her eyes that crinkle up like his grandma's and her bless your heart kindness are going to be the death of him, probably. He gives her a very watery smile in response, and she pats his hand again and says, "Let's find you a flight."

It takes four connections and an overnight flight to do it, but eventually, Eliot and his newfound best friend, Miss Roxanna, queen of the American check-in counter at the Will Rogers World Airport, work this shit out.

"Listen, honey," she says, as she hands him his tickets, "I don't know what you've got going on and I don't need to, but it's gonna be all right."

"Thank you, ma'am," he manages to say, and he's glad he has to run to make it through security and find his gate because he can't stand here and do this shit much longer without spilling his guts to a total stranger.

He doesn't sleep on the plane to L.A.. He does try, he just can't get there. Every time he closes his eyes he just sees his dad's stupid hardware store. So he stays awake. He even does the crossword, or most of it. He eats the plane snacks when the flight attendant comes around with the basket of slightly fancier shit that they serve in first-class. Maybe he flirts with her a little, but only out of habit. Mostly he just stares out the window and wonders what Parker and Hardison are doing right now and why he thought he needed to leave in the first place, and then he thinks about that last job and that old guy, Martin, and realizes that he was always going to try to go home again, so maybe he can at least stop beating himself up for that.

He cuts his hair in the bathroom of the American Airlines Admirals Club Lounge in terminal four of LAX at one in the goddamn morning, because he's tired and plane-sweaty and even though they have showers here his hair just won't stop sticking to his damn neck and he's got two more flights before he's back in Oregon and he's about over it. So he palms some scissors from the lady at the lounge desk when she's not looking, hits the bathroom, and hacks it all off. It ain't clean or neat and honestly he doesn't give a fuck. It suits his mood. And when he looks at his reflection and feels a little pang that it's gone, that's even better. What does it matter? It's just hair. He's not Samson; his hometown wasn't Delilah. He doesn't get his power from it or some bullshit like that.

Because airlines are bullshit, from L.A. he actually has to go all the way back to Dallas before he can get to Seattle and his last flight, but at least after all of that the flight from SeaTac to Portland is over almost before it starts, and he shuffles off the plane and out of the airport like a zombie coming back to life. Eliot never thought he could be so goddamn grateful for Portland, so different from the home he left behind and still carries around in his heart. Portland, with all its rain and tall cedars and the looming specter of Mount Hood in the distance, is nothing like the place he left, but god, he could almost fall to his knees at the sight of all of it now.

What he means to do, when he gets in his car, is go to his place and pass out for a few hours before he inevitably finds his way to the brewpub. The drive is so easy and there's so little traffic this early that he just sort of autopilots himself around, and he doesn't even register that he's not at his own place until he's putting in the alarm code on Parker and Hardison's apartment door, muscle memory piloting his fingers through the sequence when his tired brain can't be bothered with the recall. The code's keyed specifically to him, he knows, so if anyone up there is awake and cares to see it, they'll know he's here and probably go right back to sleep, because it is early the fuck o'clock and he knows it.

He's exhausted and he feels like he's been on twice as many planes as it took him to get here, but he walks in, closes the door quietly behind him, and tosses his keys on the table by the door where he always leaves them when he's here. And it's just right. This, right here, this specific place, is just where he needed to be. He sinks onto the couch in the living room, too tired to haul himself any further, to the spare room that stays spare, just in case. Just in case of Eliot. He knows that. They've never told him it's his space. They also never told him he couldn't leave his shit there. So he's got clothes in the closet and maybe a few other things besides, a little home away from home, for the nights when he's here too late or has an extra beer or just plain does not want to go home to an empty apartment when his heart is here.

He's trying to will himself to get up when he hears the door to their bedroom open, catches a few lines of whispered conversation, first Hardison, then Parker. There's noise in the kitchen-- the soft beeps of the coffee pot, the click-hiss of the gas stove, the sizzle of bacon-- and then there they both are, right beside him.

Nobody looks at him funny. Nobody even says a word. Hardison sets a steaming cup of coffee on the coffee table in front of him; Parker follows it up with a plate of toast and bacon and eggs. A few minutes later they curl up, one of them on either side of him, holding their own plates, and nobody tells him to eat or drink, they just leave him be. But that midnight meal in the American lounge was hours ago, now, and he should eat before he passes out, probably, so he reaches for his plate and digs in, grateful that someone around here who isn't him has apparently figured out that you can have something besides hot pockets or cereal for breakfast.

The silence is comforting for a while, until it isn't, with neither of them saying a damn word, and what are they waiting for, anyway? He's never here this early unless it's for a reason, even if the reason is just that there wasn't anyplace else he wanted to be.

"Don't you want to know what I'm doing here?" he asks finally, when it seems like they're just going to keep on waiting until he says something.

"Why would you need a reason to be here?" Parker asks, and Hardison just looks up from his phone and says, "Yeah man, you're home," and shrugs, like of course there's nowhere else he would be, and god, if he's home, then no, there really isn't anywhere else. It’s funny, because up until this moment, at least in his head, home has still been a tiny town two-thousand miles east of here, but that’s not right, not anymore, and now he knows it, for sure. Looks like the lady at the ticket counter was right after all. It was gonna be okay.  

"Yeah," he says, with a grateful smile. "Yeah, okay. I'm home."

He's so tired he can't even clock who moves first, maybe Hardison, maybe Parker, hell, maybe it was him or even all of them together, but the end result is, there are two sets of arms wrapped around him and two sleep-warm people pressed against his ribs on both sides. And it's been a long day and a long year and a long life, to be honest, and he may be tired but he's not alone and he's home, so he just lets them hold onto him for a while, and he holds on right back. Maybe you can't go home again, but you sure as hell can make a new one. This one, at least, he is going to do his goddamn best not to burn to the ground.

[imherongraystairstrash]

Christopher and Gabriel Lightwood

Hey guys! Someone requested I do Christopher and Gabriel, so here it is. I apologize in advance for this length, I didn’t set out for it to be this long... I guess that’s all. Also, I haven’t finished gotten my copy of Chog yet, so it might not be so accurate. Up next: Anna and Christopher (I’m glad you guys love the Lightwood Herondales and much as I do) -Ana

Benedict Lightwood was staring at Gabriel. His eyebrows were furrowed and although Gabriel was taller than he was, Benedict seemed to loom over him. His figure was frightening.

“You have disappointed me, Gabriel.”

Gabriel felt himself shrink into nothingness, meanwhile his father grew and grew and morphed into a worm. Cecily came with her seraph blade. She exchanged blow after blow with Benedict until she lost her footing, and Benedict ripped her into shreds before Gabriel’s eyes. He cried out in pain, for he had lost his strong and beautiful wife. Anna had stepped up, trying to save Cecily, only to have Benedict swat his tail and throw her against a tree, where her lifeless body slumped in the grass. Alex called out to his father, his screaming drowned out by Benedict’s attack. Gabriel was powerless to stop any of it.

“Father, are you alright?” His son’s lavender eyes looked down on him.

“Kit.” He breathed.

Before Kit could answer, a blade pierced his chest, and he fell down to his knees, gasping for air.

Gabriel woke in a cold sweat. He blinked his eyes over and over, trying to stop the gruesome images from replaying in his mind. He looked at Cecily, who had edged closer to him. Cecily was a light sleeper, and he must have woken her up during his nightmare. He planted a kiss on her head and sat up.

“Where are you off to?” Cecily said, her words slurred from sleep.

Gabriel leaned down and planted little kisses on her face.

“I will be right back.” He whispered

“You better.”

Gabriel chuckled and softly kissed Cecy one more time before getting up.

The cold floor sent a shock through him. He walked down the hallways of the London house. Although he knew it was superstitious on his part, he felt an obligation to check on his children, and make sure nothing had happened to them. The first room was Alexander’s. They had made sure to keep him in close proximity, so if he had a nightmare, the trip to their room would not be so far. However, Alex rarely suffered from nightmares. Ironically, it was Gabriel and occasionally Cecily who had the most trouble when it came to sleep. Gabriel had assumed that over the years, the pain and horrors of the past would subside, but that never happened.

He looked into Anna’s room and found his daughter sound asleep. He smiled to himself. How could he have been blessed with such wonderful children? Anna was everything Gabriel had not been in the past. Anna would not have stayed with Benedict as Gabriel had, even after Gideon had begged him to come to the London institute. Anna would not have been afraid as he was.

Gabriel walked down the hall to Kit’s room. The door was closed, but light danced under it. He opened the door to find Kit wide awake, writing something down with crazed determination. Cecily had always said that that expression always reminded her of Gabriel.

The thought of Cecily reminded him of a conversation he had had with her a fortnight ago:

“I love Christopher to death.”

“But?”

“But I wish I could understand him better. I want to understand how he sees the world, how he picks apart and analyzes situations.”

“That seems quite difficult.”

“It is. Especially considering how intelligent he is.”

“That’s our Kit.” Said Cecily with immense pride, “I fear he is more intelligent than I could ever hope to be.”

Gabriel smiled. There was a time when Christopher’s habits of experimenting had frustrated them both. More than anything, they scared them. Very time Gabriel would catch his son with an open flame, or strong chemicals, he couldn’t seem to breathe properly. It took him a while to accept that his little boy, who would throw his arms up to be picked up and rest his small head on Gabriel’s shoulder, was grown. He still remembers when Kit was newly born, and his Uncle Will offered his finger for him to hold. Kit just stared at it in wonder, as though not sure what to do with it.

“He’s going to change the world, this one.” Charlotte had said.

“What makes you say that.” Cecily laughed

“Instead of simply grabbing it, he’s thinking of the best way to approach the situation. That differs him from most children, but definitely not in a bad way.”

...

“You do know, Mr. Lightwood,” the Inquisitor had told Gabriel once, “Basilias is a fine institution for, erm, special Shadowhunters.”

“I am aware.” said Gabriel, not knowing what the Inquisitor was implying he do with this information.

“An you do know, of course, that taking your son there does not make you or Mrs. Lightwood bad parents. The opposite really, you would be doing your son a favor.”

Gabriel widened his eyes in disbelief.

“It will provide you and your wife some much deserved peace.”

Cecily stopped the conversation she was having with the inquisitor’s wife. Gabriel gave the inquisitor a hard stare before saying, loud enough for the entire room to hear:

“My son is not a burden to myself or my family, nor do Mrs. Lightwood and I need “a break” from him. I am horrified you would think my wife and I would be so quick to rid ourselves of him.”

There were many more things he would like to tell the Inquisitor, but he had to stop himself for the sake of his family. To have an enemy with that much power could ruin their lives, despite being close to the Consul herself. Instead, Gabriel turned away from him, grabbed his coat and let him out. He had only walked three step into the snowy pathway before the door opened again and Cecily came rushing out to catch up with him. Every two steps Cecily took was equivalent to one of Gabriel’s, and she tripped on her feet. Gabriel caught her before she could fall on the ground. She looked up at him, smiling.

“The inquisitor’s expression when you left was priceless. He turned as red as a tomato!”

Gabriel looked at her.

Cecy’s smile faded. “What’s wrong, love?”

“I just cannot believe the nerve of him.”

Cecily sighed and held her gloved hand to his face. Her impossibly dark blue eyes looked into his own.

“The world is going to be cruel to our Kit and it will be our job as his parents to support and protect him until he is able to protect himself.”

“I just cannot comprehend why they think him crazed.”

“Because Shadowhunters are afraid of anyone that is different. That is why they shun Tessa and why the academy tried to get rid of Jamie. That’s why they though Henry foolish.”

That was the day that Gabriel realized that it was not open flames he had to protect his son from, but his own kind.

Gabriel opened Kit’s door just a crack and found his son bent over, writing something with intensity. Gabriel crossed the room and stood beside Kit. Then, he thought about how terrifying it must be to be writing something and not know your father is beside you. Benedict had done that so many times, it started to feel like he would do it in purpose, just to make sure Gabriel was still afraid of him. Gabriel quietly took some steps back, and walked back to his side, this time with more noise.

“Kit?”

Christopher looked up at Gabriel, half of his right eye was the color of lavender in the candlelight while left eye a very dark shade of blue.

Christopher was born with his eyes open, observing the world for the day he was born. Gabriel and Cecily were sure the magnificent color would change over time; lighten to match the color of Cecily and Will’s. Sophie had argued otherwise, but everybody else seemed to agree that the color would fade overtime. Gabriel remembered holding Kit and looking down at his son and feeling a rush of emotion, similar to when he held Anna for the first time. He thought about his father.

“I will protect you with my all heart,” he’d said “and I will never abandon you the way my father hurt me.”

Kit looked at his father with fascination as Gabriel began to cry. Gabriel supported his newly born son’s head, his fingers tangling in his small, brown curls, and kissed his forehead.

“Kit, why are you awake?”

“I am writing down an idea I had.”

“Can it not wait for tomorrow?”

Kit looked at him, completely baffled. Then he whispered:

“You can tell your thoughts to come back tomorrow?” His eyes danced. “Could you teach me how?”

“Oh, no Kit, I just meant writing this down tomorrow rather then at three in the morning.”

Christopher ran a hand through his hair.

“Blimey, is it already three in the morning?”

Gabriel smiled. “Yes, and that means it is time to go to bed.”

“Okay.”

“And sleep.”

Kit was silent.

“Father?”

“Yes?”

“It might take a while for me to fall asleep. I am not very good at it.”

“Neither am I, Kit.”

Christopher looked at him. “Do you suppose I inherited an allele for insomnia from you?”

Gabriel blinked, not knowing what his son just asked him.

“I don’t know.”

Christopher looked a little disappointed.

“Do not worry, Papa, I shall find out.” He set off to work.

“Tomorrow, Kit.” Gabriel said as he led his son to his bed. “Promise me you will wait until tomorrow.”

“I promise.”

Gabriel smiled. “Alright then.”

“Papa?”

Gabriel turned around.

“I wish you fast sleep.”

“And I to you Kit.” Gabriel blew out the candle, and when back to bed.

“Took you long enough.” Cecily whispered.

Gabriel planted a kiss on her head and drew her into his arms and then slept sweet dreams of his family, together and happy.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 168

Chapter Summary -With a day to think over her issues, Danielle and Tom decide on a venue and discuss other important parts of the wedding.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

NOTES -So yeah, Ashford castle is in Connemara too, it is a very fancy hotel where Rory McIlroy the golfer got married, and Pierce Brosnan...well, if I have to say who is, I'm shook.Also, apparently, that is the name of one of the people running the agency Tom is with, so yeah, I just went with that.

Danielle looked at the extravagant building in front of her apprehensively. It was gorgeous but it was a five-star hotel, of course, it would be, the sensible side reminded her that this was one of the most expensive venues in Ireland and that was simply too much. The other part realised what she loved about Kylemore Abbey, it was far more to their liking in many ways. She sighed. Perhaps that was why they did not say yes straight away so that when she did, it was because she was not worried about other places, that she would know it was right for them. She no sooner saw the wedding organiser for the hotel and felt as though it was more of a brag for them to have high profile weddings than anything the bride and groom could want for their day. At the end of it all, she gave one look to Tom and a slight shake of the head and he gave a similar nod before they thanked the events planner and went back to the car.

“Elle?” Tom asked curiously.

“Can we tell Kylemore yes?” Tom stopped and looked at her. “I thought you didn’t…” “I know but this place, which is gorgeous, yes but it’s not us.” “No, it’s not,” Tom agreed. “I would love to stay here for a few days but for our wedding…”

“Definitely.” “That doesn’t mean Kylemore has to be the place though.” Tom pointed out. “If you’re not happy with it, we don’t have to pick it, it’s not a ‘here or there only’ choice. We can keep looking.” “Kylemore is not renowned for weddings, just the pictures, it’s known for other things. No one we don’t want will suspect it and it is beautiful. They were actually nice to us and seemed to care about our day, not the publicity and I just feel it is a far better fit. I just...with time to think and whatnot, I would like it, honestly.” “And the cost?” Tom pressed slightly. They had spoken about it several times but before they left, Tom physically sat her down and told her that though he knew she was a financially savvy woman, something he liked about her, and she knew he was not one to spend unnecessarily himself as could be noted by his constant use of the same few garments but weddings were costly affairs in general and with neither of them planning to do it more than once, he wanted it done right and knew she was similar. She was meticulous by nature, so of course, she would want the best from their day and he was willing to do whatever was required to do so within reason. If he said it was reasonable, he was willing to do it and wanted her to feel that she could ask for most anything she wanted for the day and he would agree.

Danielle inhaled deeply. “As you said, it’s once-off.”

Elated that she had listened to him, Tom retrieved the number for the Abbey and dialled it, watching as Danielle began driving towards the Victorian complex, making arrangements to book their day, excited to be getting something so official sorted.

*

It was dark by the time Danielle and Tom left the Abbey. There was a substantial amount of paperwork, not just from the management for them but with their decision made, Tom had informed Luke of said decision and he, along with Tom’s agent, Christian arranged for an NDA to be faxed to the Abbey for Danielle’s and Tom’s privacy which took some time to organise. At the end of it all, Tom and Danielle were relieved to be in the car and returning to her grandmother’s.

“Well, that’s sorted.” Danielle was content to have that particular issue put to rest. She had texted Emma as her matron of honour to inform her of the location. “I am sure Aunt Bernie will be seething at our ‘outdoing’ Laura.” “And what will Laura think?” “That she is happy to get her wedding reception in the hotel she swore she would, I assume. We went to our...I have no idea what relation they are to us but some relation’s wedding in that hotel and she swore it was her dream location, that was like ten years ago and sure enough, she’s getting married there, so I don’t think she will care about us, she likes her own thing.” Danielle stated as she pulled the car out of the car park and drove in the direction of Galway.

“Are you excited to have this done?” Tom queried.

“It’s one less stress now. We have the church and the reception, that’s two of the biggest concerns sorted, everything else is just small stuff. I will ring the florists in the morning, we also need to be honest, sit down and discuss numbers in the bridal party.” “How do you mean?” “Well, how many groomsmen are you thinking?” “I am not sure, I don’t know how to get it down to two or three.”

“Well, you best be thinking. We need to start getting that side of things sorted.” “How many bridesmaids have you?” “I only chose Emma so far. I was thinking perhaps Nacelle too but nothing planned yet.” “Well Luke is a given,” Tom rattled off. “I think he has to be my Best Man.”

“At this stage, he deserves that, your firstborn and a substantial inheritance, if you don’t kill him with the stress first.”

Tom gave her a slightly bemused look. “I was also thinking Ben.” “Well, you were his groomsman, you are best friends, it makes sense,” She agreed.

“But Francis...”

Danielle gave a slight nod, Francis she had met at the gathering they had in their home with Hugh Laurie, his wife and the Cumberbatch’s. He had been Tom’s roommate in college, they knew each other from Eton, they rarely got to see each other anymore, Francis rarely was in Britain these days, he moved to the US a time before but he and Tom met often when Tom went there, Jeremy often going to where Tom was to see his friend or when Jeremy was in England, she knew his meaning to Tom, he had been his main peer support when his parents had broken up. “Well, then, have three groomsmen.”

“Would you be okay with that?” Tom asked hopefully.

Danielle scoffed. “Tom, if you want seven groomsmen, then so be it, it’s your wedding too.” She reminded him.

“Is that going into the realms of excessive?”

“Not at all, it’s a reasonable amount and they are three of your closest friends.”

“But you have only two bridesmaids?”

“I think it’s safe to say I can wrangle up a third. I don’t really talk to many from school any more, I lost contact with most of them when I went to Britain, that’s not to say I don’t have people I can ask, so I will consider a third and we keep it even. We have our flower girls sorted, we can’t choose between them, but that’s fine, the Duchess can no doubt assist with Lucy, we need two little page boys then to even that, I was thinking, you’re Francis’ boy’s Godfather and he is what, eight? He will be perfect and if we ask Ben and Sophie if we can use Kit? If they decline, we have other options.”

Tom eyed her cautiously. “How much thought have you put into this?” “I analyse everything, I’m peculiar like that, that’s why I went to study business, why I became a paramedic and why I am a safety officer.” She commented, not taking her eyes off the road due to free-roaming ponies and sheep that she knew could be at risk in the darkness.

“I feel like I am leaving too much of this on you, like I am not doing my fair share.”

“I am the naturally organised one, though, it makes sense that I would do a lot of the planning.” She pointed out.

Tom had to concede that was true. He had found that since Danielle had entered his life, even before when it was as a friend, aspects of it had become far more organised. She showed him the fine art of cooking when he had time and making portions of whatever he could that would be perfect for those evenings he would not have time to cook. It made filming a hundred times easier, she even suggested that if he did not even have time to cook, get some deli cooked meals and portion them, it startled him how efficient she was. And now as his partner, she had organised his life all the more. Even his morning routine, which had taken him upwards of forty-five minutes to an hour with breakfast was twenty now. Time efficiency, he realised, was a matter of immense importance to her and none were happier with that alteration to his life than Luke, who had more than once pleaded with Tom to remain with Danielle for that reason in itself if nothing else. “Well, let me know if you need me to do more.” She nodded as she indicated to turn onto another road. “Do you still think it an extravagant waste though?” “Oh yeah, I’ll always maintain that.” She laughed slightly. “But a waste I’m okay with.”

“So, you’re happy with that? You’re okay, with it.” “Yes.” She confirmed, noting the worried look on his face. “For the record, I am okay with everything.”

Tom knew her comment was more than a general statement. After their discussion yesterday or more accurately her letter and Tom making reference to it after, Danielle seemed better, more like herself again. There was a small cloud over things but not as bad as the day before. She seemed to be glancing at Tom every other minute as though waiting for him to say something on the matter but he said nothing, he simply held her hand and kissed her whenever he felt her getting anxious. “Good, I am here Elle, no matter what, I am here. If you woke up tomorrow and decided to never return to England, if you told me you were not interested in marrying me, if you wanted never to kiss me again, you can trust me with what you told me and you can talk to me about it if you are ever ready to speak about it.”

With a loving smile, she brought her hand over to his for a moment and gave it a small squeeze. “I am so lucky to have you.”

[oddsnendsfanfics]

Unraveling at the Seams Pt 4

Genre: Fan Fiction Pairing: Alex Høgh Andersen/OFC, Henry Cavill/OFC Warnings: Language, Sexual Innuendo, Possible NSFW Rating: M Length: Multi Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.  

A/N: so far this is my favourite part. Also thank you all for the feedback, it is massively appreciated 

thank you @flowers-in-your-hayr​​ for the header :D

Catch Up Here

The iPad was on its side, the stand holding it in position as Nell moved around the kitchen. She had an hour before meeting Alex, which may or may not have been giving her second thoughts and butterflies. Not the good kind. Why had she agreed to this? Why was she feeling stressed about this? What she wanted more than anything was someone to hug her and tell her that this would be fun. A night out, with somebody other than Ivan. It was a new experience and if she didn't have fun, she never had to go again.

A call from mom always helped, right?

“Where's Ivan?” Evelyn asked, her daughter had called her in the middle of her work day. At first she had assumed something was dire, when the nerves seized, the Stewart Matriarch relaxed.

“He's next door, Jordan and Sophie are letting him hang out there tonight.” Bridie had a family party and Nell was hell bent that she was not missing it, because of her plans to have a drink with Alex. Ivan would welcome the change of pace, Jordan would surely engage Ivan's imagination with his skills as an actor.

The last time Ivan had gone there for a few hours, Nell had returned to find Jordan and Marco had built a full on fort in the middle of the living room, they'd had makeshift costumes, an imaginary dragon, and some sort of new language. Ivan had a way of charming people into doing whatever it was he wanted. A dangerous power for an almost eight year old to wield. These were the sort of fantasy games Henry would go along with, creating whatever world his son wanted to live in for the moment. Jordan had happily gone along with it, no questions asked and Nell would remain grateful.

“Have you told him that Henry is coming to  visit?”

“No, why? Wait?” Nell turned to face the iPad. “How?”

“Henry told me.” Evelyn answered in a painfully obvious manner. Nell wrinkled her nose, her stunned look told her mother all she needed to know. “We talk almost weekly, you know. Just because it's rocky with the two of you, he's still the father of my only grandson.”

Nell's older brother Michael had two children, daughters. Her older sister, Michael's twin, Sadie also had a daughter. Ivan being the only boy took the title proudly.

“I'm glad Henry finds the time.” Nell snorted. Evelyn rolled her eyes and shook her head, avoiding a lecture, Nell derailed her mother. “I'm glad that he's comfortable talking to you.”

“You still talk with his family, do you not?”

“I suppose.” Nell accepted. “What else did he have to say?”

“He's busy working, he's excited to take some time off for Ivan, he's looking forward to seeing your brother next weekend. He said you didn't sign up?”

“I don't have time to run this year. I'll send a donation.” Nell shouldn't have been annoyed that he brother was running a marathon with her ex, yet she was. Less annoyed that Michael was doing a charity run and more annoyed that she hadn't been asked.

“Your father and I have sent ours. Other than that, there isn't much going on. Something about a new job in Hamburg? Hungary? Somewhere with an H in Europe.”

Nell frowned, Henry hadn't mentioned anything to her about a new job. Not that he had to, it was his right to take whatever jobs he wanted. In the past he had told her the second he was allowed to talk about them. Aside from his agent, Nell had been the first person to know that he'd been cast for Man of Steel, The Man from U.N.C.L.E, even the film nobody had ever heard of called The Cold Light of Day.

Again, Henry had a right not to tell her every detail of his left. Nell wasn't always forth coming with every detail in hers. Outside of Ivan, they didn't have to ever speak, if they chose that route.

Lord knows that there were many things that Nell never told Henry. Her date with Alex for example. She had spoke with Henry last evening, yet hadn't said a word about going out. A pang of guilt rose. Henry always told her when he'd gone out with somebody new, his reason was that – if this woman should become something more, he wanted Nell prepared as the woman he shared a child with. Transparency was the key to keeping their life mess free. Plus, it was better she heard it from him and not some trashy newspaper.

“Whatever it is, I'm sure he'll do well.”

“I'm sure he will. Did you remember to send that parcel? Tomorrow is his birthday.” Evelyn could remember Henry's birthday, yet had forgotten her Husband's birthday for the last three years.

“Yes, mom, I sent it two weeks ago. Ivan will call him tomorrow, talk to him, and then we probably won't hear from him until he gets here.”

“Why are you always like that, Nelly? He's trying. You know that he's trying and it's not easy, being...”

“Mom.” Nell was firm. She didn't need to listen to her mother explain everything she did wrong, when it came to Henry Cavill. “It's not that, it's...you know what, mom. I'm not doing this. Not tonight. I called, because I just needed to talk.”

“Okay, so let's talk. How is work?”

“That's the thing, you see, there's the guy at work who...” Nell paused, her doorbell ringing. “Shit. Mom, I have to go. That's Alex.”

“Alex? Male or female, Alex?” Evelyn smirked.

“Male. I will talk to you later, love you bye.” Nell hurried to turn off the call.

She didn't want to look desperate rushing to the door out of breath, nor did she want Alex standing there waiting. Taking a few calming breaths, she straightened herself out and coolly approached the door.

On the other side, Alex stood shaking like a leaf. He was probably sweating through his button down as well. Great! He was going to show up looking like a hot mess, asking a woman who already barely tolerated him to be seen in public with him.

This was a mistake! Why had he listened to Sophie?

“Alex, hey.” Nell opened the door in the nick of time. Alex had briefly thought of turning around and running away. Why did this woman do this to him? He'd never been intimidated by a woman before. “Come in, please.”

Stepping inside the first thing Alex noticed was the smell. An odd thing to notice, perhaps? It wasn't an unpleasant smell. The opposite, actually. The townhouse had a – homely smell. Warm and welcoming, fresh and light. It reminded him of summer and gingersnap cookies. Funny, summer and cookies is what Nell reminded him of.

“I brought you this, I didn't know what else to bring, but I wanted to give you something and here.” He held out the framed photo. It was the best way to begin, scared of what he'd say if he didn't lead with the gift.  “It's one of the photos I took, early on. I remembered it was your first solo design and...”

“Alex.” Nell cooed, gently taking the framed photo of Judith, played by Jennie Jacques in the lavish dress. “I don't know what to say. Obviously, thank you. I'm speechless. This is amazing.” She leaned in giving him a fast peck on the cheek.

The photo had to be one of the sweetest gifts she'd ever received from a guy, on a first date, not that Nell thought of this as a date.

“That dress is one of my favourite costumes.” Alex blushed. “I was in awe every time I saw it. You did amazing.” It was Nell's turn to blush. “And this is for Ivan. I thought he may like it.” He passed over a book of 1,001 Brain Teasers for Ages 8+.

“He's going to love this. Thank you.” Nell accepted the book, still lost in the beauty of the photo. Alex was talented with a camera, Nell had saw some of his other works and they blew her away every time.

“No problem, I loved things like that when I was his age. He's so smart.”

“Too smart.” In more than one way. Intellect was one thing, being smart ass was another. The boy had mastered both swimmingly. Nell dreaded the day he turned into a teenager. “Would you like a drink?” She stood holding the photo and book.

“I thought we were going out for a drink, but we can have one here. If you want. I don't mind.” Alex felt like a helpless fool. Damn it. Why was he such a blundering idiot tonight?

Oh right, because he was in over his head with a positively impressive and attractive woman. He'd dated attractive women before, most ended up being superficial.  A disappointment to say the very least. Nell was not going to disappoint. If either of them were a disappointment, it was Alex.

Damn it. He needed to be more confident. Marco had warned him about this. Not to let his doubt in or this would be a disaster of epic proportions.

“You know what,” Nell took a final look at the photo before setting it on the kitchen table, it would be safe until she arrived home. “Let's go for that drink. Should I call a car?”

“Please.” Alex nodded.

“I am going to call and grab my purse, feel free to make yourself comfortable.” Nell smiled, before disappearing.

She was hardly gone long enough for Alex to make himself at home, so to speak,  he didn't mind. If he was alone too long, his thoughts would get the best of him and this not-a-date-date would be over before they left the house.

Leaving the townhouse, Alex caught sight of the two shadows in the window across the courtyard. Nudging Nell, they both waved, laughing when Jordan and Ivan ducked disappearing from sight. They were having too much fun spying and Nell would hear about it in the morning. No doubt Alex would be teased as well.

Safely in the black taxi, Alex was being the perfect gentleman. Holding doors, helping Nell in an out of the car. He was doing what his mother would expect of him, nothing more. Being polite was costing him nothing and he enjoyed seeing Nell smile each time he did something chivalrous.

“I hope you don't mind, but I thought we could go somewhere a little more low key?” Nell watched the outside pass, the taxi navigating the streets effortlessly.

“I don't mind low key at all.” Alex replied casually watching Nell watch the outside world.

“It's a nice place, I promise.”

The driver was cordial when Alex slipped him his payment, insisting that he get it, after all it was his idea to come out. The least he could do was pay for their cabs, secretly he planned to grab the tab too, despite Nell telling him he really didn't have to get the cab and she would get the drinks.

Helping Nell from the car, Alex stood aside happy to follow wherever she led. Strolling down the street, Nell nudged her chin forward to indicate that this was their destination. A quiet bar front, if there was such a thing, with a small sign on the front advertising their establishment.

“Here we are.” Nell announced, bumping into Alex when they both reached for the door. “Sorry.” Her voice was a whisper when his hand found her lower back. Guiding her through the door, Alex's gaze was telling her more than his words could have.

“Shocking, but I don't think I have ever been here.” Alex glanced around the front entrance of the bar. He'd been to nearly every bar in Dublin and the surrounding area, but never this particular one.

“I used to come here, a lot, when I lived here before.” Nell led the way to the back of the building. Alex took note, it was certainly nicer and quieter than the other bars he frequented. A large bar in the front, which seemed to serve the larger part and in the back, where Nell had immediately bee lined, was a smaller area complete with a smaller bar.

“Cozy.” He noted pulling out the high bar chair for Nell to sit.

“It's nice. I like it here.” She slid onto the stool with ease. Catching the bar tender's attention. “Lagavulin, neat please.” Nell ordered without thought.

Alex took a beat to decide. “Ardberg, on the rocks with a twist, please.”

Nell grinned.

“What?”

“Nothing. I like that you just went for it. I enjoy when a guy knows what he wants.” Nell shrugged lightly.

“Laugh it up, I know the whole adding ice and all that ruins the flavour blah blah blah.” Alex took the teasing with grace. “I can't do it neat, bad things happen if I do for it straight up.”

“Oh, no. I have witnessed far worse than asking for ice.” Nell looked as though she was processing some sort of horrid memory. Alex waited, she would either tell him or move on. The bar tender slid their drinks to them, giving Nell a few seconds to decide on her story.

“Ivan's father was given a bottle of Chivas Regal once for a birthday present, my brother got the idea to mix it with chocolate milk. I have never saw something so disrespectful.” Nell cringed. Alex involuntarily made a disgusted face. Who mixed chocolate milk with scotch? Further more, why disrespect a perfectly good bottle that way.

“Was it even good?”

“By itself, I swear there were angels singing, whenever you took a sip. With the milk, I don't know. I contemplated disowning them both on the spot.”

“Blasphemy.” Alex smirked, taking a sip of his drink.

“But that's enough about Henry and Michael. I will add, they're lucky I still speak to them both.” Nell sipped her drink. Licking her lips, she sighed happily. It had been a while since she'd gone out for a proper drink. Pouring herself a glass here and there, after a long day wasn't the same as sharing a drink with somebody in a pub or a bar.

“I would say so.” Alex held his glass, “I will say a cheers to you and your forgiving ways. May Henry and Michael know how blessed they are.”

“Here, here!” Nell raised her glass, gently tapping it to Alex's. “This is nice.”

“Lagavulin, is one of the best you can get I mean...”

“No, no. Not the Lagavulin,” Nell blushed, her eyes casting down. “I meant having somebody to talk to, to share a drink with. It's been forever since I have left my house after 8pm, to do something other than work. I'm going to risk sounding like one of those people, but I am usually in bed by now.”

“Me too.”

“Really? Wow, when I was your age, I was never home on a Friday night.” Nell winced. “Sorry, I didn't mean...Oh fuck that came out wrong.”

Alex laughed at her earnest. “I know what you meant.”

“Sometimes my mind and mouth don't engage. My mother says it's one of my biggest downfalls. I'm working on it.” Nell passed it off playfully.

“My mom says my downfall is that I am too stubborn and I don't know when to give up.” Alex revealed.

Nell tried to hide her chuckle. “A lesson, between us, moms know their sons better than anyone.”

“I'll remember that.” Alex's smile was full of mischief. “Any other secret mom tips that you're allowed to reveal?”

“Uh,” Nell tapped her chin, “Mom's really do have eyes in the back of their head. They're the hardest working people on this planet, and we have an excellent bullshit detector.”

“All useful.” Alex played into it. Leaning closer, his eyes dropped to watch her lips as she spoke. Licking his lips, he took less than a breath to snap back. Nell wasn't the type you hit on just because. “And what else can you tell me? This time about you, not as a mom.”

“Oh.” Nell shifted in her seat, adjusting her skirt, smoothing it over her calves. “I have two siblings, they're twins. I hate cake, as you know.” She smirked. Alex nodded. “And I have never dated somebody younger than me. Now you.”

“I have a sister. I play guitar, not well,  it's a budding hobby. And I only ever date older women.” Alex shrugged, swirling his scotch in the glass, taking a drink. Smooth. What a way to sound like a moron.

He'd really felt this was going somewhere, until two seconds ago.

“Alex, so you know, I don't really think that this is going to go beyond tonight.” Nell's gaze fell uncomfortably. “I like your company, as a friend.”

That was a fair answer. Alex was a tiny bit disappointed, not that he had a right to be. He was lucky that Nell had agreed to come at all.

“Can I ask you something? If you are uncomfortable, don't bother. You can also tell me to fuck off, but why did you agree to come out with me?” He pushed his hair behind his ears, his eyes locked on hers. “I'm happy you did, but I don't understand. Maybe I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.”

“Alex, it's not that I don't like you.” Nell felt the weight of the world suddenly on her shoulders for making him feel this way. “I think you're lovely. You are very kind and a great person.”

“But?” Alex knew it was coming. This kind of statement always had a but.

“But, it's complicated. I love working with you, but I know what happens next, because I've been there. So, if I stay guarded, you eventually go away, and nobody gets hurt.” Nell waved to the bartender, ordering another drink. This time a double.

Ordering another drink, Alex mustered up the courage to ask his next question. It lingered on his mind, but he'd never had the balls to come out with it. “Is it because of your ex?”

Nell accepted her new drink, draining half the glass in one gulp, before nodding. “And it's a stupid excuse. I know that.”

“No, I've heard worse.” Alex thanked the bar tender for his fresh drink. “You loved him? It had to have hurt when that ended. I get it.”

“We were together for almost three years.” Nell took the time to explain her behaviour a little. Alex had been the brunt of her rash and unfair treatment, all because of something that had absolutely nothing to do with him.

“So, it was serious?” Beyond having a son with the guy, of course. He didn't have to say it, Nell had figured out how to read between those lines.

“Not in the way I saw a future, but in the way that I knew we were comfortable.”

“You worked together?”

“We did. I mean, in a way. Yes. I was an intern.” Nell tipped the glass up to her lips. “We met while he was on The Tudors.” Nell shrugged picking at her drink napkin. “It's partly why I have this job. They loved what I was capable of and hired me back, when Janet had to leave.”

“I'm glad they hired you.” Alex offered, tipping his drink. “I don't plan on having a kid with you, but I am glad they hired you.” He smirked trying to break the tension.

“Happily I will accept that.” Nell smiled. “I didn't want to think about being married  or having a kid at 22, but you know.”

Alex could relate, he couldn't imagine being married. Or having a kid. Not right now. His life was going great and there was no need to complicate things. Not that he assumed Nell found Ivan a complication or a regret.

“I think it's pretty brave of you to raise Ivan, the way you have been.”

“It wasn't all me. His dad helps a lot.” Nell bit her bottom lip, she wasn't entirely alone. “We lived together for the first year after Ivan was born. Henry adores Ivan, you know.” She wanted to make that clear.

“I didn't doubt he would. I'm sorry if this feels like me prying, but why did you split?”

What kind of man would leave someone as fantastic as Nell? How stupid was he? Alex had to know. If she became uncomfortable she would tell him, surely. No, Alex was confident that Nell would tell him to shut up if he was going too far. If he left here alone, covered in scotch, then he had deserved it.

“It was too much, having a baby and trying to bolster a career. You know how it is, appearing to the public in one way, while living another. It was too much, he was gone all the time and I was alone anyway, so I moved back home.”

Fleeing London to take refuge in St. John's had only lasted a year. Nell loved being close to her parents and sister, but needed something more. She'd been used to the lifestyle in London and soon found herself heading back. Before too long, she was back in Britain, living there until getting the call to move back to Dublin.  

“Oh.” The word formed on Alex's lips without breath.

“It's complicated.”

In other words, Nell was often left angry with herself, over the situation. Blaming Henry had become easier, along the way, it was a go to when she needed it.

“Most relationships are.” Alex scoffed. “But we get back on the horse and keep trying. Isn't that what we're taught?”

“It's hard finding a guy who wants to date a woman, who has a kid.” Nell shrugged. She hadn't had much luck dating in the last few years. There had been one or two guys who had stayed around for a month, maybe two, then it always ended once they found someone better. “It's harder finding someone to date, once they find out your son's father is Superman.”

And that is how she knew she'd had possibly gone too far. Here they were now, might as well keep going. Get it all out on the table. This was the part where Nell over shared and Alex never spoke to her beyond tonight.

“Every man thinks he's Superman, at some point.” Alex laughed lightly. Seeing Nell in a new light, he couldn't imagine somebody not wanting to know her or Ivan. She was an excellent mom.

“No,” Nell's brow creased. “He's literally Superman.”

“I don't follow.” Alex's brow creased in confusion. How drunk was she?

“His father,” Nell swallowed the last of her drink. “My ex is legit Superman. Clark Kent, Man of Steel. Kal-El?   Henry Cavill is my ex.”

The look on Alex's face as he tried to piece all of this together was becoming comical. This was generally the part where the date would ask some stupid, mundane question and then leave. Or he would attempt to try and impress her with a pointless show of masculinity. Alex was going to be neither of those. She could tell with the way his face contorted and his eyes softened.

“I had no idea.” Surely he wasn't the only one to not know this. The man's name was Henry, it was the only detail he'd ever had to go on. Nell had met him working, okay? There were thousands of Henrys in the world.

“You didn't know?” Nell began to chuckle. “Seriously? I thought everybody at work knew. Ivan's last name is Cavill.”

“There are more than one family of Cavills in the world.” Alex defended his ignorance. Until right now, he had never heard anybody use Ivan's last name and had always assumed it was Stewart. “Henry Cavill.”

Alex mulled it over for a second, having to say the name to somehow make it real. “Hmm. Well, at least he's not some sort of crazed inmate, who is hell bent on revenge on any man who talks to you.” He smirked, side eyeing Nell. “He not crazed and hell bent on revenge, is he?”

“No, probably not. You can ask him, when he's here in a few weeks.” Nell waved the bar tender over to pay. “Although, I think you will be safe. Start running, he's big, but slow.”

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[kchuarts]

Flowers in Blood

A/N: BRUH I’M A MACHINE. I CAN’T STOP WRITING AND I’M JUST AS EXCITED AHHHHHH. Yeah, I’ve got a nice creative flow going right now 

Summary: Pine has to live with the choice he made, what else could possibly go wrong!? 

Warnings: Mention of drug usage 

ALSO!! There is a transgender woman in here that is a bad guy, but please please please please do not read this as that as “I hate trans people”. I don’t hate trans people!!! I myself am non binary and just decided to add this type of character in because trans people don’t often get represented as frankly anything in any sort of way. So if you read it as a negative opinion, please understand that it is most definitely not!! Also, Pine is respectful of ALL women because trans women are women! <3 

Taglist: @lucywrites02​ 

Chapter 6: Poppy p.ii

The familiar and welcoming ambience of London filled Pine's senses as he stepped off the train. He couldn't quite wrap his head around the fact that once he gave Angela the thumb drive, he would be back to smaller tasks. A sob took him out of his slightly dazed state as he saw Katie dashing out of his sight, an arm covering her face as she was undoubtedly crying. It was more than too late to apologize at this point and even if he did, Pine's apology wouldn't make a lick of sense. The first thing he would do after dropping the information off was to get wasted. Tonight seemed like a good enough time to choose alcohol as a means to drown out sorrows. Honestly, Jonathan was surprised at how he wasn't an alcoholic at this point. He reached into his pocket and pulled his pack of cigarettes out along with his lighter. Perhaps the nicotine helped to ease some of the pain. 

Having gone through his third stick, Jonathan flicked the butt into the trash and exhaled the remnants of smoke as he made his way to Angela's office. It was awfully quiet going in and something occurred to Pine making him wonder if perhaps Katie already reported in. No, if that were the case then he would have gotten a text of sorts. He already knew his ass would be chewed for not calling back or giving a text to signal they made it safely to London. Pine crossed his fingers that would be the only issue he would be given grief over and not how he treated Katie. 

Angela's lips pursed as she saw her best agent walk in, looking dejected. "What in the absolute FUCK happened?" 

Pine held up his hand, grimacing "I can explain everything-" 

The Director did not give him time to explain as she turned the TV on. A live news report was playing in an area nearby filled with fires and anti-government flags waving in the air. Of course some of  the flags had the Poppy flower emblazoned onto the fabric proudly. Angela turned the TV off and turned to face Pine. "So am I to suspect that something went wrong? Because this should not be happening and I should have received news of Abbadon's arrest prior to the riots! Instead, I don’t hear a peep and the woman still walks free!" She shook her head, looking disappointed in Jonathan. 

The agent took a deep breath in and sighed, placing the drive and note on his boss's desk. "It isn't Abbadon who is in charge. She shoved these in my pocket when we attended the gala. She is a single branch of something much bigger and told me to remember these names." He held up his hand, using his fingers to count them down. "Belladonna, Bloodroot, Daphne and Wisteria. We are already aware of Poppy and Wolfsbane. I am hoping what may possibly be on that thumb drive is all the information on the branches that we need to take them down." He placed his hand in his pants pocket and looked at the ground. Some part of him wished that Katie was here to tell of how clever she was at befriending Abbadon. Not only that but how she listened to her heart and managed to convince Pine that Abbadon was not who she said she was. That was her place to tell, not his. 

"Where is Katie?" Angela set the paper and drive down. Her brow became laced with motherly concern and eyes shimmered at Jonathan. "Pine. Where is she?" Her tone turned angry. She knew something was off the minute Jonathan walked in without his assigned partner and she didn't like it one bit. 

Pine shifted uncomfortably, "She's going back to the US. If she's smart enough, I think she's packing her bags right now." 

SLAM!! 

The impact of Angela's fists on her desk caused everyone in the room to jump. "Damn it, Pine!! What the fuck happened and what did you do!? I do not want any short, bullshit answers so you had better sit your ass down and start talking!! I'm gonna try to give her a call." She huffed at the tall man, fishing her phone from her purse. Her gaze snapped back at Jonathan who just stood there, struggling to find an excuse of sorts. "Well?! Go on then! Maybe I was right, you men are garbage." She noticed Rob look at her in shock and sighed loudly, "Ok you're not garbage, sweetheart. I'm talking about ones who won't fucking give me an answer on what the hell happened to Katelyn O'Connor!!" 

"ALRIGHT!! I GET IT!!" Jonathan shouted from pent up guilt. "I-I… I told her to leave because I am afraid to lose her. Having a constant physical reminder of Cameron O'Connor and what happened to him at my damn side can do a real number. The last fucking thing I wanted was to start feeling something for her, come to terms with the past, earn her trust and forgiveness, only to have her killed!!" His tears that had built up betrayed him by slipping down his sharp cheeks. Pine leaned against a wall and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "Angela, I can't lose her like I did Sophie. I had to lie through my teeth and call her a stupid rookie that lived in fantasy land! I had to make her think I hate her!" He walked over and placed his hands on Angela's desk. Tears dripped onto some of the paper work as they fell from his cheeks. "She is so smart though. She managed to prove me wrong about Abbadon and reveal who the real person in charge is. It's Abbadon's brother, Daniel. Without Katie, I don't know how I would have seen the truth otherwise." He finally grabbed a chair and sat down, crying softly into his hand. “I could never hate her which is exactly the reason why I am scared.” 

Rob stared in shock at Pine as he witnessed his friend break down. Never before had he seen Jonathan Pine so distraught and defeated. He wanted to say something to perhaps lighten the mood, but could think of nothing. 

Angela tossed her phone onto her desk and clicked her tongue. "Well, your asinine move probably worked considering she isn't answering my calls." She snatched the drive and paper, turning around to face her laptop and began tapping away. "You can go home now, Pine. I'll contact you when I've got something." She dismissed him, her tone cold. 

Taking note of Angela's now toxic mood, Jonathan got up and left, slamming the door behind him. It wasn't the Director he was mad at, but himself. No matter how hard he tried to justify what he did was for Katie's safety, it just didn't sit right. He did it because he is afraid to fall in love and lose her like he did Sophie. That awful night still remained fresh in his mind, even after 7 years. He lost Cameron but due to war and it made him sick thinking of how disappointed his late friend would be knowing how his sister was treated. At last, Pine reached the building and was anxious to think of anything but his faults. He stops abruptly as he notices something on the ground; it's one of Katie's sneakers. Was she in that much of a hurry? Pine brushed it off and decided maybe he should stop by and drop it off in case she hadn't left. By the time he reached her floor, the atmosphere felt off. He didn't like it at all as it gave him the notion that something bad just happened. Could be the residual energy left from their fight three days ago, but it wasn't that. Jonathan's heart began to beat hard and was loud in his ears as he approached her door. With a shaken hand, he grabbed the handle and pushed it down. The door was unlocked, maybe she hadn't left yet? The only problem with this scenario was, not a rustle of frantic packing or footsteps could be heard. 

"Katie?" He called out, entering her flat and shutting the door behind him gently. "Katie are you here?" He called out again, receiving no answer. Before he carried onward, Jonathan stepped in something slippery. It was rather dark in the flat and the liquid had a sort of odor to it. When he turned the light on, his stomach dropped as there had been a struggle. Furniture knocked over, sheets torn apart and blood splattered here and there. He whipped around and noticed that a trail of blood had been made going outside. "KATIE!? KATIE ANSWER ME!!" he tossed her shoe aside and frantically looked around her flat, searching high and low. "FUCK!! KATIE!?" Pine noticed her phone on the floor, the screen shattered. Underneath it was a note with sloppy handwriting that definitely was not Katie's. 

If you find this, it may or may not be too late for the girl. We are certainly aware of what went on in Moscow and do not appreciate your interference. Consider this a warning and if you're smart enough, you'll pay a visit near London Bridge at 3PM sharp tomorrow. Perhaps Ms. O'Connor is still alive so this was our best shot at getting your attention. You will meet an associate of ours by the name of Joshua and we will know if you bring help. Let's say if we find you did bring back up, little Katie might have an accident that may or may not result in her accidental death. Do not keep us waiting, Pine. 

-Anonymous Poppy 

P.S. 

Roper sends his regards~ 

In a sudden burst of rage, Pine crumpled the paper and tossed it as hard as he could against the wall. To make matters worse, not only did his eyes land upon a single Poppy but another flower among the Poppy family; bloodroot. Carefully he knelt down, picking the flowers up and noticed some blood drip from the petals. “Katie-” He spoke breathlessly, horrible dread crushing inside of his chest and making it hard to breathe. Tears resided in his blue eyes once again as he stared at the flowers covered in what more than likely was her own blood. “Hold on.” His voice cracked as he stood to his full height, making his way out of her flat with the flowers held tightly in his grasp. He wasted no time in getting himself ready; finally washing away the chill of Russia, dressing in inconspicuous clothing, making sure that his gun was loaded, combat knife sheathed and hidden, and his determination strong. One thing he did wonder was how in the hell Richard Roper managed to squirm his way back into the limelight. He knew that the smarmy crime lord had his ways and his charismatic ways unmatched, but after such a huge blow it was difficult to think of why he’d show his face again. Whatever the case was, it didn’t look good at all. Pine’s jaw clenched at the memory of how Roper had nearly killed Jed and subjected her to horrendous torture. His blue gaze focused hard at the window to the outside, stashing his pistol on his belt in it’s holster. He couldn’t let Angela know what happened or she’d cut all ties and force him to live a life of complete shame. Eventually, she would find out but if Jonathan could get to Katie in time, that was all that mattered to him. Getting her back home safe and alive was all he wanted. Pine shuddered slightly as an icy, invisible touch came over his hand and caused him to pull away in alarm. He looked at his hand, flexing his fingers and shaking his head. That was rather odd and had the agent thinking just for a moment that it could have been something trying to make contact with him. 

"I wonder when he will show up!" A short and stocky man with shaggy black hair spun on his heel, getting irritated by the never ending rain. The time was 2:56PM the next day and the associate, Joshua, was already waiting with great impatience. He checked his watch and sighed through his large nose very aggressively, “Well this better not go all to pot. If he don’t show up within the next two seconds-” 

The sound of someone clearing their throat caught the grubby man off guard and Pine walked out of the shadows, fury blazin in his baby blues. “Where is she?” He growled, making Joshua very aware of the advantage he had over him in stature. Pine’s hand shot out, grabbing the collar of the associate and getting in his putrid face. “WHERE IS THE GIRL!?” He was letting his anger fly off the handle and get the better of him. 

Joshua held his hands up and grinned, “Tsk, tsk, tsk… I’d be smarter than that if I were you, Pine. Should anything happen to me” He tapped his ear piece, “All I have to do is say the magic word and your little friend will go POP just like the weasel!” He laughed, being shoved to the ground and scrambling back up, sneering at Pine. Black, malicious eyes darted from the gun holstered on Jonathan’s belt up to those rage driven blues. “I see you’ve got a little form of negotiation there. Too bad for you, that’s one of the terms you failed to recognize as help.” He waved two fingers and three goons appeared behind Jonathan, knocking him unconscious. “Such a pity this bloke is. Alright boys, take ‘em to the truck and get a move on. He’ll be seeing little Katie soon enough. Hope he likes the make over we’ve given ‘er!” He giggled heinously and rubbed his filthy hands together. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ice cold water was dumped over Jonathan, waking him from his state of unconsciousness and making him gasp despite the gag in his mouth. He shivered violently as the dark room he was in did not help make matters any better. 

“Finally awake are we?” A woman… or man's voice spoke. 

Jonathan’s eyes shot up to see a bony, feminine and masculine figure standing before him in dim light. His brows scrunched in confusion as he couldn’t quite make out if this person was male or female. 

“What are you lookin’ at?” They frowned, kicking Jonathan across the face and scoffing. “How rude looking up a lady’s skirt! Haven’t you ever heard of someone who’s born in the wrong body? Of course not, you’re just another one of them transphobes! Why did I even bother to ask?” The woman huffed, her heels clacking on the concrete floor as she approached the bound agent. A pale, bony hand with long red nails snatched Jonathan’s jaw and deep brown eyes bore into his soul. “Mmm cute one you are. Too bad you ain’t my type and I hate men.” She smacked his cheek and stood back up, snapping her fingers. “Boys!! Hit the lights please!! I’d like to give our honored guest a look at his little girlfriend’s make over!” 

Blinding lights caused Jonathan to shut his eyes tightly for a moment before adjusting to his surroundings. He was in a warehouse of some sort that was stacked with all sorts of packages and crates containing illegal drugs and paraphernalia. Upon closer inspection the woman, who he mistakenly misgendered on accident, had sported a black eye with other signs of a struggle. It appeared that Katie had indeed put up some sort of fight and did a good bit of damage as the woman also had a limp and nasty bruised ankle. 

The woman scoffed and dropped her hands to her sides, “Bloody hell. Joshua can’t you hear a damn thing I tell you?! I said bring out the girl, not stand there and act like you’re stupid!!” She growled and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and raising a brow at Jonathan. “Oh my bad.” her heels clacked over to him and removed the gag but not the rope around his arms or legs. “Names Natalie Baylor, but you probably already knew that if you did your homework properly. Though, you know me by a different name, my dead name. Nathaniel Zayler? Remember that nasty little bloke? Army? No?” Natalie took a drag from her cigarette and shuddered, itching her dead veiny arm. 

Now that she mentioned it, Pine did come across Nathaniel before but never got to truly know him. All he remembered was that Nathaniel Zayler was dishonorably discharged for multiple drug offenses and other vile deeds. “Nice to see you haven’t changed in terms of attitude. Sorry about misgendering you earlier, Natalie. I’m actually not a complete arrogant bigot.” Jonathan frowned and groaned, his face sore from the kick. “Just tell me what you want and release Katie. Please.” He winced as a headache also began to make itself known. 

Natalie hummed in delight at Pine’s remembrance and apology. “You haven’t changed much either with your polite and respectable approach. Glad to see that some people at least show an ounce of consideration for a lady and NOT misgender her!!” Her hollow eyes widened around at the goons who cowered away in the shadows. “I’ll tell you what Pine, your little girlfriend showed the same amount of respect by putting on a show of agility.” Natalie took a drag from her stick and blew the smoke, looking around and noticing Joshua still standing against one of the crates, flirting with another man. “This is rubbish.” She growled and made her way over to her agent, putting her cigarette out on the back of his neck and grabbing him by the ear with her nails. “I thought I told you to get the god damn girl!! Do not make me remind you again or I’ll take away first dibs rights on the molly and Loveboat!!” She shoved the crony forward before turning her attention back to Pine. One thing that Natalie absolutely despised was being ignored and pretending as if she didn’t exist. “Anyway, as I was saying, little Katie showed that she wasn’t afraid to fight another woman and even begged to try her out. Feisty little fox she is.” The Mafia woman pulled out another stick and began to inhale the nicotine deeply. 

“I can see that.” Jonathan growled and squirmed, noticing his gun was of course gone but his knife still strapped under his pants. “So are we gonna get on with what you’re gonna tell me you want from me or no? As lovely as you are, I’d prefer to move along and have Katie home safe.” He grunted as he began to move his arm, attempting to pop it out of place so he could pull it out of the binding. It would hurt like an absolute bitch, but if it meant getting Katie out then he’d pop all of his joints out of place. 

Taking another inhale, Natalie sighed and took a seat on one of the crates. “You don’t want to reminisce about the time in the army? I mean, I can’t say I blame you entirely as we both have our reasons. Me with my ongoing issues and identity and you with… Oh wow! Katie O’Connor! Oh why didn’t I see it before!! That’s Cameron’s little sister isn’t she? I knew she looked familiar with those green eyes. Tsk, shame he had to go the way he did in chunks.” Natalie spoke nonchalantly and paid no mind to Jonathan’s reaction to how casually she spoke. “Anyways! So, here’s what’s gonna happen.” She slithered off the crate and clasped her hands together, grinning as Joshua finally brought a ghostly pale and beaten brunette girl out. 

Jonathan’s heart sank at how bruised and battered Katie was. A nasty gash ran from her collar bone to her left shoulder, her lip was busted, nose more than likely broken, a dark bruise garnishing her cheek, rope burns around her throat and wrists and other small cuts. “You sick fuck.” He echoed his words of the past from when Roper showed him what he had done to Jed. 

“Ah-ah!” Natalie scolded, waving her finger and grabbing the unconscious girl. “So. Because of your little stunt in Moscow, our business regulations have been heavily shifted over to our American branch and have caused a temporary shut down with our location. We are going to be without income from Belladonna for weeks because of the shit you pulled!! Because of this, Wisteria and Daphne will be livid with their lack of resources from us! All because you had to meddle in our affairs in Russia and cause us to lay low from authorities!” She hissed and tossed Katie to the ground in front of Pine. The skeletal woman grinned as she saw the ex soldier squirm towards Katie to the best of his ability. “She was fun to break and seems to carry a lot of hatred towards you. Wonder why that is? Oh right, you watched big brother blow to bits!!” Natalie laughed wickedly and stomped her feet excitedly like a child. Her shrill laughter ceased after a few moments and she leapt down from the small ledge she stood on. “Now, we’ve got a few options here. First one is that we kill you and the girl to get big bonuses from the higher ups. Second one is that you both walk out of here with your lives, but you help us get our end of the business rolling again. I can’t promise that Belladonna won’t come for your heads after that because they more than likely will, but at least you’ll be alive for a short while. Us Poppy seeds got business to do and Natalie Baylor needs her fix to keep her mind off her war crimes. I’m sure you of all people understand that, Pine.” She paced along, almost circling the pair like a vulture. “Third one is the least recommended but it’s the one where you permanently join us and we inform Belladonna AND Roper of your fidelity. If you go with this one and backstab us, then let’s just say I’ve got someone waiting outside sweet mother Angela’s building right now with something that’s more explosive than our riots.” Her rotted teeth gleamed in the flickering warehouse lights. Natalie snapped her fingers again, “Untie him but keep your guns on them. I’m going to give you five minutes to decide while I go get a fix of some smack. If you haven’t made up your mind by then, well I guess option number one is the automatic choice.” She shrugged and almost glided out like a ghost, shutting the door. 

Once the restraints were cut, Pine rushed over to Katie and scooped her into his arms. He made a quick assessment of how badly hurt she was, noting the gash and broken nose. “Katie, I’m so sorry… Fuck, this is all my fault.” He swallowed back tears, pressing his forehead to hers and holding onto her with a death grip. There was no way in hell he would let them take her from his arms again. Her faint breathing gave him a bit of relief to know that she was still alive. Pine’s brain raced through the ideas, dismissing the first option of death. While the second option was the most reasonable, that would still put the both of them on Belladonna’s hitlist. Jonathan assumed that Belladonna was Daniel’s branch and the very head of the organization. Now that Richard Roper had seemingly made a come back and joined forces with Daniel Hasapis, made things all the more problematic. He was not about to make an alliance with that monstrous man ever again and left the second option as their only way out. Jonathan looked back down at Katie, pushing her bangs from her face and staring at her resting state. He had promised her that he would never let anything happen to her. That promise was broken and it had him panicking over if she would even look at him. Pine’s heart ached at the possibility of those beautiful green eyes never turning his way again. There was so much of Cameron that he saw in her, and it brought him comfort in knowing a piece of his dear friend still walked the earth. He couldn’t lose Cameron a second time… No, Katie was not Cameron. She was not her brother or his dear friend but a woman who had stolen his heart within the short amount of time they spent together. Jonathan had made the decision that he would walk until the ends of the world to make up for what he had done. Even if she lost any sort of attraction, he would never want to let her go from his life. All he wanted was her trust, happiness, and to see her blossom into the agent she was meant to be. 

“Times up!!” Natalie came back in, her eyes black from the effects of the drug blowing her pupils out. She grinned as she saw Pine hold Katie closer to his body and found it endearing. “What’s your answer?” She walked down, squatting in front of them, that wicked smirk still plastered across her bony face. 

Pine looked away from Natalie and down at Katie, his eyes full of emotion. “We’ll get your business rolling again.” He stated, then turning his attention to the skeletal woman in front of him. “But swear to me that when this is all done, you leave her out of this. You can do whatever you want to me but do not touch her.” His nostrils flared. 

Natalie scratched her chin, musing over his words and then sticking her thin hand out. “You’ve got a deal, Pine. I’ll keep my word so long as you keep yours. Remember what I told you though, I cannot guarantee that Belladonna will leave either of you be once our arrangement has been said and done. You are free to go. Naturally, I suspected that you’d choose this option and have two of my men waiting outside your flat to deliver instructions on what is expected of you for the next three weeks or so. You also understand that you will not receive any benefit from this? That means no cash or any form of payment. Consider that I allowed you to walk with your lives as payment. Now get out.” Her smirk fell and she rose to her feet, waving her hand for the pair to be blind folded. “Oh, and one more thing before we depart! I will know if you make the choice to rat us out. I have eyes all over London so I recommend that you don’t try anything sticky. Toodles!” 

Once Jonathan and Katie were blindfolded and driven to an unknown location, they were unceremoniously thrown out of the truck. As soon as the sounds of the car’s engine grew more distant, Pine ripped his blindfold off and huffed as they were placed in the middle of the woods. “Shit.” He growled as they had also kept his gun. 

“OH HELL NO!!” Katie sat up right, eyes wide and wincing as she saw Jonathan Pine. 

Pine’s expression fell, “Give me a chance to explain-” his vision was now focused on the barrel end of a gun pointed at his face and saw that Katie’s finger was right on the trigger.