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deberiaestarescribiendo · 3 years

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Desperate situations call for desperate measures. #Writer Wednesday 21/04/21

Pairing: Dave York x F!reader

Summary: You're desperate, with nothing to lose you accept helping one of your friends in what looks to be a very dubious job and the man in charge intimidates you and owns every single one of your thoughts since you met him

Warnings: I mean is Murder daddy Dave 🤷‍♀️. Blood, violence, guns, swearing, descriptions of anxiety and panic and sexual innuendo. Nothing too graphic but let me know if I should note anything else, thanks

A/N: I blame my national public TV channel for broadcasting The Equalizer 2 a few weeks ago, now I have THOTS and reading many amazing Fanfics on this site it's making it worse. Another Pedro's character I'm fascinated by (and would gladly be railed by). This is my second piece for #Writer Wednesday thank you for this again @autumnleaves1991-blog 🤗 I’m super excited to read what everybody has prepared for this week. No beta’d, sorry for any misspelling and terrible grammar.

Everything that could go wrong went wrong.

Suddenly you’re walking with a pair of stupid high heels in a cold muddy path, there’s nothing but a few street lamps but this white fog surrounds the night like a thick cape blocking their light so you can see nothing, even the moon is invisible and above you there’s an only a dark immensity without stars.

Fuck, fuck, fuck you repeat trembling, this stupid silky dress and the thin shawl you wear doesn’t protect you for this freezing night. Stupid fucking dress, stupid fucking heels you mutter, your teeth chatter and you try to focus on the road and finding anything that could get you out of here without getting yourself killed. Your shoes appear to have heard your complaints when they snap and break and you almost fall down.

“FUCK!” you scream this time and instantly regretting it, you don’t know who could be listening. Now you can walk faster but the probability to lose one or a few of your toes is getting higher every minute that you expend walking barefoot through this dreadful place.

As an apparition, a miracle, you see a dim white light at the end of the road. You run, you could even smile if your face muscles were not frozen. You feel your tears forming warm trickles on your cheeks when you arrive to the phone booth. You haven’t use one in years, even thought they were extinct but now it is as if you had found God.

You open your small red velvet purse, so pathetically small that your phone couldn’t fit in it so you gave it to Tom, and now what? It’s inside his pocket, probably soaked in his blood. Soaked in blood of your dead friend. You stupid friend that got you into this situation on the first place.

“Whatever happens, if everything goes to shit, call this number” he had told you giving you a white card, a number and a name on it: Dave.

Your hands shake so much that you almost drop the card, but you place it on the small tray full of vulgar vocabulary and very graphic drawings inside the booth. You thank karma or whatever it’s up there that all your cards got cancelled last month and recently you relay on cash. A few quarters and cents, a few bills that you had stolen on your way to the club where you were supposed to do the jobwere all you had on your name now. And the rest, what you had saved, your clothes and the few luxuries you own; a book, an old picture and a plant, are gone, forever, they’re at Tom’s house and you know now that he’s dead and has botched the job you could never return to his home if you want to keep being alive. You stretch your fingers and take a deep breath before dropping the coins and dialing the number.

Please pick up, please pick up

You see the counter on the small screen eating your coins away. And you don’t have anything else

Please, please

“York”

his voice is deep, a slight tone of annoyance in it, logically because you’re calling at 2 AM

“Dave?”

“Yes, who’s this?” you shudder hearing him, you convince yourself it’s because you’re cold but you know it’s not. You’re thinking of the man that owns this velvety voice: brown dark eyes piercing you as if you were made of paper and he could read every little corner and secret that you keep

“I’m Tom’s friend, he’s dead, and now I’m on the middle of nowhere and I need help, please” you plea, your last words sound more like a little girl whimpers

“I’m on my way” and he hangs up

You’re left there looking even more scared and confused. You recoil to the small protection of the booth waiting for that man. That man that lurks in your dreams, that scares you and intrigues you and that has occupied every thought since you met him.

A week ago

“So, explain to me again, what are we doing?”

“You need the money or not?” Tom stops and confronts you in the middle of the road

“I need it, of course, but I want to know what I’m getting myself into before ending up dead or in jail” you say not moving until he is a little clearer

“We’re meeting with one of my boss’ men and he will give us something to hand to someone else in a place and a time they had accorded. And that’s it. You and I get paid and everybody’s happy” he says with a desperate smile “C’mon” he approaches you and squeeze gently your arms, he even bends a little to meet your gaze “you know I have many friends and I have proposed this to you, only you, haven’t I? Cos I trust you” he adds

“Because I’m fucking broke, Tom. The rest of your friends wouldn’t be as desperate as me” You blurt

“Okay, let’s meet him and if it doesn’t convince you, I’ll do it alone. C’mon, let’s not be late, he would not like that”

You nod reluctantly. You hope this dude would pay for lunch, you’re starving, you had some instant noodles last night and today your breakfast was the crumbs of cereals that Tom had left because he was too lazy to throw away the box.

The restaurant is clearly not made for people like you and Tom, the employees look at you up and down but when they’re about to kick you out, a big man approaches them and he guides you to a part of the local that is quite with a warm and intimate light. There’re a few tables but they’re all empty, the last one is occupied by a well-dressed man that looks at the both of you intently.

Your first thought is that he doesn’t look as you had expected. You were sure that Tom was involved with drug dealers and whatever the job entitled was about drugs, weapons or both. He looks like a middle-age business man, or a public agent. He wears a tailored dark gray suit, an elegant wool coat and he’s clean shaven, elegant shoes, expensive, you think. God, make him be nice enough so he pays for lunch

When you face him, although you stay behind Tom, your theories about the man crumble. His eyes, those dark brown orbs, are fixed at Tom and his defined jaw clenches, in a second his eyes are on you and you can’t stand his gaze much longer.

“Hi, Dave, I didn’t know I would be seeing you, I thought I’d be meeting Resnik as usual” Tom voice is high and shaky, so it confirms your thoughts; the man is dangerous even if he doesn’t look like it

“This is important, and you came accompanied” he tilts his head to you

“I thought this was a job for two” Tom takes a sit in front of him and Dave leans on his seat stretching his shoulders, he’s broad, strong, how did you think this man was no threat at all?

“You thought” he smirks and you freeze on your feet, is it too late to run away? “And what’s your name?”

You tell him, your voice sounds pathetic, a little too squeaky. He smiles and wet his lips with the tip of his tongue and suddenly every coherent thought that you could think is out of the window.

“Please take a sit” Dave appears to be a little bit more relax now, he crosses his hands over the table and smiles to the two of you “So why do you think you could be of service?”

“Well, it’s a club, a guy alone is usually a creep but if we go together we’re a couple, and they wouldn’t look at me if I’m with her” he chuckles and points at you

You open your mouth about to insult Tom and seeing that his intentions could be way more different that you thought. You’re not doing that kind of job

“Yeah” Dave agrees and looks at you up and down, he doesn’t avert his eyes when you look at him with you eyebrow raised. He’s not ashamed, he’s checking you out and he wants you to know it “It’s actually not a bad plan”

“I’m sorry, but whatis the plan?” you interrupt

“It’s simple, you and your boyfriend...”

“He’s not my boyfriend” you clarify

“Right” he seems to think about that for a few seconds, before he resumes the conversation “You two go to this club, there, you’ll meet the contact and you’ll give them this” he raises his hand and the big man that had previously taken you to the table gives him a black briefcase “There’re two things that are extremely important” He pushes the case towards you “one, you cannot open it and see what’s inside, I’ll know if you do. Two, whatever happens you must acquire the envelope that the contact would give to you in exchange for this”

“Consider it done, Dave” Tom reaches for the man and gently taps on his arm. You watches as the man tenses when he’s touched and if looks could kill...Tom would be dead on the ground in this very second

“I’m sorry, can I ask you a question?” you raise your hand and the tense moment passes when Dave looks at you and he’s smiling, actually a very warm smile

“Of course”

“You said whatever happens, what could happen? Who are we meeting?” you ask, Tom opens widely his eyes and kicks you under the table

“Don’t worry Tom, they are actually pretty good questions” when he switches his eyes to Tom, he’s back to that opaque stare that makes you tremble “I’m not going to lie to you, sweetheart” he sighs, the endearing term has made your belly turn and it’s not hunger, at least not the food type “this people are dangerous, and they could try to trick you into changing the terms of the agreement, or ask questions about me or any other thing, and you must stay put and seal the deal fast and easy. Don’t do anything stupid”

“Right... what’s inside the case?” you ask again, you try really hard not to avert your eyes, he has his eyes fixed on you, his gaze goes from your eyes to your lips and you squirm on your seat.

“I cannot tell you that” he shakes his head “but it’s something valuable, you have to be very careful with it”

“If we are caught by the police with that” you point to the briefcase “are we gonna be in trouble?”

He smirks and crosses his arms over his chest; you cannot prevent your eyes from admiring how the fabric of his clothes tenses around his muscles.

“You don’t have to worry about the police” he assures

“I feel you’re telling us not to worry about many things and I think it’s on the contrary we have too many things to worry about...with all due respect” you add, Tom kicks you harder this time and giggles nervously

“It’s your first time, it’s natural! I’ve done a few times, you don’t have to worry, you’ll be with me! right, Dave?” Tom slaps him on his shoulder again playfully and the man flinches and has a menacing look if you do it one more time, asshole, we’re going to die right here right now you think

“Right” he answers “Tom, why don’t you go with Kovac to the car you’ll use for the job, there you’ll have the phones and everything you’ll need to complete the mission” he says eventually. The big man, Kovac, approaches the table and stands besides Tom until he gets up to follow him.

You stand up too, thinking that the lunch is over.

“Stay, please” Dave grabs your wrist softly and you gasp when you feel his warm touch

“I-I” you stutter

“Don’t you want to eat anything? I sense you have more questions” he doesn’t let go of your hand, he brushes his fingers softly where you skin is thinner and you feel your pulse rushing, surely he does too

“Yes...I mean I could eat something” you sit, the rumbling on your belly confirms your hunger

“Order anything you want” he stands up and raises a hand towards a waitress. She rushes to the table with the menus while Dave takes off his coat and jacket, he raises his sleeves carefully and you are not aware that you’ve been staring at him the whole time with eyes wide open and lips partially parted, you’re completely dumb by his presence. He’s tall, strong and broad and you can’t smell his cologne and his aftershave from there and all you can think is coming closer to him and tasting his neck.

You look down the menu suddenly when you find that Dave has caught you admiring him and is smiling slyly at you.

“Anything you like?” he asks

“Yeah...I’d like...” you read as fast as you can trying to find something, the prices are ridiculous “the salad” you answer

“You can order anything, sweetheart” the term makes you skin tingle again, he’s voice is actually sweet and his smile docile this time when he sits again facing you

The waitress comes back and asks for your order but it’s smiling widely to Dave.

“So what you would like to order, sir?”

“We’re both getting the prime steak” he answers and you blush, of course you’d like to eat that but it’s so freaking expensive you didn’t even think about that

“Fries or roasted vegetables?” she taps on the screen

“Both” yes, you cheer inside your head, you’re going to eat properly for the first time in months

You actually don’t care about the job or Dave or anything when the plate arrives, and certainly you have forgotten about your friend, it’s been long enough but the scent of the meat makes your mouth water. You have forgotten your manners too; you attack the steak as if you were a caveman. The pleasure of the first bite makes you moan and wiggle or your seat.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” Dave comments and you’re suddenly aware of where you are and with whom, he has an amused look

“Thank you” you say with your mouth full

“It’s nothing”

“I looked that hungry, huh? that’s why you ordered this?”

“Yes, you seemed to need a bit of protein. Protein makes you brain function properly and I need you sharp and quick if you’re going to work for me” he says picking from his plate

“You think I will work for you, I mean for longer than just this one job?” you scoff, you’re desperate, but you want to keep on the good track, find a proper job, a small apartment and stay out of trouble

“You don’t want to? I think you need the job” he licks his lips and you are again looking longer than you should

“Yes, but I need a proper job, a salary each month a conventional one. No offence”

“None taken. So you’re not like your friend”

“No, I guess I’m not. I’m just in a rough patch. Desperate situations calls for desperate measures” You shrug

“Hmm” he hums “I’m glad I can help you out of it then” he adds

“Yes, thank you. Though I’m still thinking that it could get me more trouble than I already have” you counter

“No if you’re smart and I think you’re a pretty smart girl”

“You’ve just met me”

“I’m good at reading people, part of the job” he shrugs

“So I’m a hungry desperate smart girl. Seems accurate”

“Pretty” he completes

“What?” you ask thinking you had heard him wrong

“I said you’re a hungry―I hope not anymore― desperate, pretty comma smart girl. Pretty as an adjective” he clarifies

You blush and look at him opening and closing your mouth searching for words

In that moment, Kovac and Tom arrive. The large man nods to Dave, and Tom looks at you and your half empty plate with a confused look.

“I have to go, but please, sit and finish your dish, you can order whatever you want too, Tom. Everything is on me. You don’t have to worry” Dave stands up and puts his jacket and coat back. You think you see a little bit of disappointment on his face. He reaches his hand to you, you drop the fork thinking that he wants to shake your hand but he brushes his thumb over your lower lip where a drop of the meat’s blood and sauce stains your chin.

“It’s been a pleasure” he says and then licks his thumb. He goes before you can answer and Tom is talking to you but you don’t listen.

All you could think was him, repeating that moment again and again in your mind.

“Are you listening?”

“Huh?”

“I told you about the car they gave us. It’s pretty cool”

You smile and focus on your plate, the juicy meat is delicious but all that passes through your brain is his lips. You bite and moan loudly.

Two hours before the phone booth call

The club is actually a house, a clandestine local in a remote place full of people playing poker and other types of game betting more money than you’ve ever seen. You and Tom arrive there holding hands, his left hand holding the briefcase. Tom had bought you your outfit, high heels that you don’t know how to walk with, a very revealing dress and the idiot forgot you hadn’t a proper coat to wear with this and here you are in the middle of winter with a shawl. Luckily the place is warm enough and you just suffered during the time you run to the entry from the parking.

The establishment smells like alcohol and cigars, its red velvet walls reminds you of the interior of a coffin and that image makes you shiver. You try not to look at anybody and focus on following Tom to the black armored door at the back. When you arrive he knocks twice before a small slot opens and a man asks for a password.

“Just like spy movies, huh?” Tom smiles and you would laugh but you’re terrified. Once that door closes behind you, there’s no way out

A large man dressed in black escort you through a red lighted aisle towards another armored door. This time he’s the one knocking twice, the slots opens and when a pair of eyes look through it you hear the locks being unlocked before they open it.

There’re ten people inside, chatting over a black table with some glasses on it. The conversation stops when you enter. Without a sign some of them are escorted out and only three men stay.

“Sit please, your girl can serve herself a drink” one man says, sitting at the center of the table. He’s dressed also in black, he’s blond hair sleek and shiny with hair gel “I guess you have something for me”

“Yes” Tom approaches the table and places the briefcase at the center. You do as you’ve been told and approach the bar full of different drinks. You’re too nervous to drink but you grab one of the empty glasses and pour some liquor in it. Your back is pressed against the sticky wood and you try to act casual.

The second man on the left takes it and opens it and shows it to the two other. There’s only one light in the room above the table and from here you can’t see much but it’s clear that the briefcase is full of money.

“Excellent. Did you know how much there is inside it?” the blond man ask Tom

“No” Tom seems relaxed, his arm leans on his chair and has his legs crossed

“There’s half a million here” he answers

“Wow!” Tom laughs

“For such a tiny thing” the man grabs something from his pocket and places a small white envelope on the table “Do you know what this is?”

“No”

And we don’t want to know you answer in your head Gosh Tom, let’s go

“Just an address. Somebody really valuable for your boss, look how much he’s paying. This poor fellow” he taps over the envelope “it’s nobody to me, that’s why I’m willing to trade this simple information knowing it will get him killed, but I have another deal for you, one that I’m really interested in”

Say no, no, we have to go now you clear your throat to get his attention but Tom ignores you

“You just have to let us track you to the place where you’ll meet your boss. And you can take the case back with you and I promise one similar to this one will find you once we kill your boss” he offers. Tom bites the inside of his cheek and hums

“Just track me?”

No, no, no you scream inside. You place the glass on the bar loudly but Tom is fixed with hungry eyes on the case.

“Let us install a simple tracking device to your car. And take this” he pushes the open briefcase “it’s yours”

Tom smiles and grabs it “Thank you”

“My colleague will accompany you to your car” the blonde man smiles back and the other man that reminded silent during the meeting gets up to follow Tom back to the car.

You walk to the table before they leave.

“I’m sorry, but he’ll need the envelope for the meeting. He cannot present himself empty handed, he will be dead before you could find his boss and they will make sure it’s the right one” you say shyly

“You’re a smart girl” the blond says “Here you are” he tends the paper and you force a smile.

You rush towards Tom and grab his hand. The man follows you a few meters away in silence. So you grab Tom by the waist and faking a smile whispers to his ear “What the fuck are you doing? Dave is going to kill us. You betrayed him”

“It’s a million dollars and they can take care of Dave for all I know he can die, he was paying a misery and I’m the one getting my ass in danger, don’t I?” he says back

“It’s better than being dead. And he’s going to kill us both and I did nothing, you betrayed me too”

“Calm down! I’m going to give you a part of this. Isn’t this what you wanted?” He has to raise his voice over the music once you arrive to public part of the club

“I didn’t want to die, I just want money to start again, not being involved in killing people and shit” you accused back

“Yeah right and it has nothing to do with you making eyes to Dave during lunch. Gosh, you’re pathetic. Shut up, take the money, and we will see each other never again” he pushes you from him clearly not caring to keep the being a couple front anymore.

When you arrive to the parking, Tom leaves the briefcase on the back seat. You stand a few meters away not knowing what to do. Tom is the only way out from here but you don’t want to participate in his treason.

“Open the driver’s door” the man says standing behind Tom

“Right away, brother”

Everything happens in an instant. You hear the gasp, the air leaving Tom’s body and his corpse hitting the ground more than the shot. Once the man raises the gun to you, you’re already running away.

You hear the bullets breaking the air and you run faster, tears running from your eyes but your bite your lips to prevent you from crying out loud knowing that he can hear you. Once your chest hurts and burns you stop, hidden in the tall grass you listen intently trying to know if he’s following you. And you wait. And you wait more.

You crouch down and you suddenly remember that you’re holding so hard to your purse and the little piece of paper that your hand hurts. You hold the envelope to your heart and sit on the cold mud because your legs cannot hold you any longer.

Present. Phone Booth

You think about the trip from town to this place and try to calculate how long it would take Dave to arrive. And it’s long and probably you’ll be dead before he comes even close. The men from the club must be looking for you. You’re a loose end, you know their faces and their place, everything. And you know Dave too. Shit.What are you going to tell him? Yes, Tom betrayed you but I didn’t. I actually didn’t want to do it, but did I prevent it? I couldn’t but what would he think? You’re a loose end for him too.

You know he runs shady business. And for all he knows you wanted to take the money as well and just was quicker on your feet so you ran away. He doesn’t know you; he knew Tom and he betrayed him. How could he trust you?

You need something, something to make him think you are true, that you didn’t betray him. And though you felt something in your little lunch together, he could just be playing with you or interested in a carnal way. God knows you had had very inappropriate thoughts about him too, but that doesn’t make you any less of a traitor. Pretty he said, pretty enough to be kept alive even though he doesn’t know if he can trust you? You don’t think so.

Whatever happens you must acquire the envelope he had said. So you open it. There’s a simple address on it:

8518 Rayburn Rd, Bethesda, MD 20817

So you expend the rest of the time repeating again and again. Until the pair of lights of the car appear through the fog. You hope it’s Dave and not the men from the club If it’s so I’ve expended my last moments alive memorizing a stupid address. Great.

The black car drives slowly until it’s a few meters away. You grab the paper and make a ball out of it and swallow it fast chewing hard. It’s horrible, raspy and muddy, but you know that throwing it wouldn’t do it as well as tear it apart. The paper needs to disappear; you must be indispensable to him.

You actually cry in relief when Dave calls your name and you run towards the lights. You actually don’t think your action but when you see his shape you run faster and hug him tightly. He’s warm and smells delicious as you noticed at the restaurant. He tenses at first but then he holds you back, gently patting your head and hushing you with calming noises.

“You’re alright, you’re safe now” you know it’s not actually true but in that second you enjoy it “Get in the car, you’re freezing” he caresses your arms up and down trying to warm you

When you get in the car, you feel as you have step inside the gates of heaven. It’s warm and cozy, the leather is the softest thing you have ever felt and everything smells like Dave. He gets in the driver’s seat and grabs something from the back: his wool coat and throws it over you and tucks you in it. He stays in silence for a few minutes and you feel yourself doze off when he speaks in a soft and low tone.

“So what happened?” he sighs and leans on his seat turning to you

“Tom was a fucking idiot” you spat and he grins “They offered him the money inside the briefcase for your location and promised him more money” you speak the truth, you know there’s no point in lying to him “He accepted and well, I didn’t know what to say, I tried to change his mind but it was too late”

“What happened to the envelope?” he asks

“I took it”

“Can you give it to me?” he reaches a hand and you see he’s wearing leather gloves, actually he’s completely dressed in black

“No” you say and you bite your lip

“You lost it?” he asks and you cannot read what’s going through his mind but his eyes are fixed on you, darker than you remembered

“No” you say

“You have to give it to me” he says and his voice gets lower, it should be menacing, it is, but you feel your lower belly twist

“I ate it” you answer

“You did what?” he looks surprise but you cannot tell if he’s mad or amused

“I remember the address” you take out one single finger from under the coat and point to your temple “I memorized it and ate it so you wouldn’t kill me”

Dave stays there in silence for a few minutes, and then smirks and chuckles

“Very good” he praises “You did very good” he reaches for you cheek and brushes his leather gloved hands tenderly “Good girl” his voice is low and deep and it makes you squirm under your cover, his coat, that smells just like him.

“You’re not going to kill me?” you murmur

“No, I cannot do it now, don’t I?” he smiles at you

“But what about when I tell you the address and you kill whoever lives there, what then?” you say, now that you’re warm enough you are aware of the mess you made of his car, mud stains everywhere, his coat is ruined “I’m a witness and now I know you’re about to kill somebody” you add

“You remember what I told you at the restaurant?” he asks and starts the car finally moving from this dreadful place

Yes, you called me sweetheart a couple of times and then called me pretty you want to answer

“I told you about working for me” he reminds you

“You want me to work for you?”

“Yes. I want it since I first met you, sweetheart” you actually surprise yourself once you feel that you’re smiling when he calls you that again

“You trust me? But Tom...”

“Tom was Tom, you are you. And I trust you to be smarter than he was. You have proved it to me, he failed the test he had to pass” you admire his strong big hands on the wheel and his straight posture that allows you to marvel at his features and his long neck

“What test?” you say after scolding yourself for looking at him like an idiot

“This test”

“This was a test? What?” you cry

“Not in the sense that it was prepared, of course. Those men were very much interested in me and my team, and I knew they were trying to get some of my men to turn. I have to test Tom before he entered the team for more complicated tasks, I had to know if he was ready, and he wasn’t”

“And why did you let me get in this?”

“That was his first mistake. Never ever” he points with his finger “tell another person about the job or try to get somebody on it without me asking first. I allowed it because I saw something in you. A hunger”

“Is that a joke?” you ask

“I guess” he smirks “but also true, you said it yourself ‘desperate situations call for desperate measures’ That was what got me on this kind of job on the first place. I liked you, I’d just hoped you were as smart as you looked and got out there alive. And you did”

“What if I don’t want it?” you mutter

“Hmm” he evaluates for a moment “Again, I hope you’re smarter than that and refuse the only chance you have. I mean, you have been evicted, all your accounts cancelled, you don’t have a family and the relatives that you still have you wouldn’t contact them even if you were dying, so, I’m the only thing you got, sweetheart”

“Did you investigate me?” you ask after a few quite minutes. He’s right, you know that

“Yes, I have to know everything if you’re going to be part of the team” he admits with a shrug

“I know nothing about you, or your team, how am I going to trust you?” you demur

“You will learn to trust me and the team once you’re trained” he explains

“Train? Who’s going to train me? and for what?”

“I’m going to train you. I’m going to train you until you’re what I want and what I need and in time; I think it will be a satisfying ending for both of us and this situation”

“What kind of job would I do?”

“Kill” he says simple and straightforward

You shiver at his words and hold tight to his coat. Do you really want to be an assassin? Do you have a choice?

He stops the car. You don’t have a house, you have nothing, only this, a dirty dress and a borrowed coat and the help of a man you’re sure could and would kill you without hesitation. And though, you have no choice there’s a side of you that’s dying to surrender to him, to let him make you what he wants. You desire to be his, you want to be what he wants, what he needs but not as his associate, not exactly like that.

“So what do you say? Do you want to be mine?” you squirm on your seat.

“Yes”

#Writer Wednesday #Dave York x F!reader #Pedro Pascal #Dave York #The Equalizer 2 #Dave York x f!reader #Dave York x you #Pedro Pascal characters #Pedro Pascal fanfiction #The Equalizer 2 fanfiction #Pedro Pascal fanfic #Dave York fanfic

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jtrbluv · 4 years

Text

die for you | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst, songfic

word count: 3.4k

rating: PG-13

warnings: intoxication, harassment, fighting

you're scared to be lonely 'specially in the night i'm scared that i'll miss you happens every time

song: die for you-the weeknd

exes!au

A/N: hi! this is a revamp of the very first fic i’ve ever written on this blog. i decided to do this because i am revamping and scrapping my original idea of a songfic overall! if you’ve been on my blog before or if you haven’t, i originally wrote songfics so that the storyline would flow along with the lyrics of the song which i realized soon thereafter that it was impossible because we all read at different speeds and it greatly hindered the creative process in general. now i decided to just solely come up with stories out of inspiration of songs. i highly recommend listening to the song while reading!

The pungent yet all too familiar liquid burns against the back of your throat as you feel it gushing deeper into your system. Absentmindedly, you slam the shotglass back onto the wooden counter, earning a disconcerted look from the bartender that had been serving you for the past hour and a half. You lick the remaining alcohol off of your lips, relishing in the way the fluid tasted against your tongue.

The alcohol buzzed in your system, leaving you in a piddling daze as you rest your cheek in the palm of your left hand. Your remaining hand fiddled with the shot glass, face contorting into a deep glower at the empty contents, hoping that the alcohol would replenish itself without you having to empty your wallet. You avert your eyes to behind the counter, eyeing the different taps they had in store along with the selection behind the glass cabinet. The bartender that had been supplying you all night came back into your periphery, noticing the familiar thick streaks of velvety red that resided beside his natural onyx locks. He was scrubbing the counter a few feet away from you, the sleeves of his white button-up rolled up to his forearms. What was his name again? Sam? John?

You obnoxiously clear your throat causing him to look up from what he was doing, “Can I get another shot?”

“I know I might be a bartender and all, but don’t you think you should slow down a bit?” he asks, brows furrowed in both bewilderment and concern. His nametag read San.

You toss your eyes back in irritation at his words, “I’ve done this before, I think I know my limits.”

He presses his lips into a thin line before sighing out in defeat, grabbing the near-empty bottle behind him as he fills up your glass back up to your satisfaction.

“See that wasn’t so hard, was it?” you indecently spit back just as he tips off the glass. He scoffs at your remark, setting the bottle back on the counter behind as he goes back to his task.

You down the glass in one swig, nose scrunching at the bitter taste on your tongue and the stinging sensation that accompanied it as it traveled down your throat once more. You return once again to your state of solitude and melancholy. This time you twist around in your seat, eyes trailing to the whatever was beyond the door of the bar. The building itself was located in a generally busy area of the city, made obvious by the frequent passerbys and occasional onlookers that would peek in through the window.

The soft glow of the lights that were emitting from neighboring buildings magnified the growing buzz of alcohol in your system as they began to appear hazy. It had an endearing and seemingly familiar twinkle them which made you visualize the irises of a boy who once had your heart. Oh, how you wished to be able to see him smile again—the way his eyes would morph into two crescent moons accentuated by the whisker-like wrinkles that would etch themselves onto his temples. His mouth would stretch into a wide D-shaped curve, his slightly larger front teeth coming into view the more you made him laugh. The warmth that would encompass your whole body when he would wrap his muscular arms around your much smaller frame—he made you feel protected, at ease, at home. The feeling of the soft, pillowy flesh of his lips against your own—pigmented by the strawberry chapstick he loved so goddamn much because he said it tasted like candy. The vision is short-lived when the deep timbre of someone’s voice pulls you out of your daze.

“You seem to be having a lot of fun by yourself,” he whispers into your ear, his breath fanning over your cheek as he stands a little, actually a lot closer than you’d like.

Disgusted at his mere presence you send a scowl his way while moving to another seat to create more distance. Not deterred in the slightest, he slides into the seat next to you—using his foot to turn your chair so you’d be facing him.

You’d be lying if you said he wasn’t attractive. A coy smirk adorned his well-made features as he intently stared back at you, wanting more after you had made obvious that you didn’t. The honey-like hue of his irises juxtaposed the darkness of the glare he was giving you. He wore a form-fitting black button-up—the first few buttons unhinged at the top on purpose to show off the silver chain that adorned his collarbones. The leather jacket he wore over it accentuating the curves of his muscles. You tear your focus away from him, turning back to the original position of your chair so you’d be facing behind the counter.

“Playing hard to get I see, well I’m always in for a good game,” he pretentiously states, the smirk widening onto his features as he inches closer to you.

“Really, you couldn’t think of anything better than that,” you say as a giggle involuntarily erupts from your throat. His smirk morphs into a grimace of disdain at your reaction. The grin on your lips slowly dissipates when you take a glance at his overcast features.

“Sorry, I’m not in the mood for company,” you deadpan, taking the shotglass in your hand as you scanned behind the counter to look for the bartender, hoping to exchange your tiny glass for a much bigger one.

His hand come in contact with your own, fingers wrapping around the glass and pulling it out of your reach, “I didn’t ask for your permission.”

Your breath hitches as you gasp in shock at his sudden action, taken aback by his intrusiveness. You slide out of the chair you were sitting in—the buzz of the alcohol abruptly fleeting your body out of pure abhorrence of the sleazy man standing in front of you.

“I refuse to deal with this type of bullshit right now and people like you.”

You hastily grab your wallet out of your purse, digging to find a reasonable tip to give the bartender who undeservingly had the displeasure of serving you for the past two hours now. Setting the money down on the counter next to San, you give him an apologetic smile to hopefully make up for the migraine-inducing irritation you’ve most likely given him. He nods in return with a small grin, taking the money and slipping it into the back pocket of his jeans while leaving the counter to start bussing empty tables.

Turning on your heel, your senses set straight on leaving the bar and going back to the comforts of your bed. As you begin to make your way out the door, a hand snakes around your wrist, yanking you back and causing you to stumble over your own feet—eliciting a string of curses to spew from your lips. Your head rams into their rather toned chest, and as you detach yourself from their body you notice the thick fabric of their leather jacket and the glint of light coming from the silver chain resting on their exposed collarbones. You quickly put the pieces together, craning your neck upward to take a glimpse at the man’s face and recognizing that it was the imbecile who was still refusing to leave you alone. Out of instinct, you bring your hands up to where your head had just made contact with his chest and pushed him with as much force as you could muster. Alarmed, he staggers backwards, nearly tripping over the barstool that he was leaning against until he slams his hand on the counter to steady himself. You unknowingly take a few steps towards the door of the bar, keeping your eyes glued to the man in front of you. An inaudible noise leaves his lips as his focus shifts back towards you. Eyes narrowing as he recalibrates his focus, the knit in his brows as prominent as ever as his irises started to morph into a darker shade of ebony. The corner of his lip slowly starts to curl upward—your hand reaching out to grasp the wood of the doorframe on its own accord.

He swiftly pushes himself from the barstool, readjusting his clothes as he momentarily tears his focus away from you. Taking advantage of the few seconds, you whip your head around and take a quick glance outside and instinctively, you book it.

The wind howls and nips at your cheeks as you bolt down the street. The fabric of your jacket ripping against the currents of the wind as you weave in and out of city folk—most of their expressions painted with shock as they halt in their tracks and scurry aside as they start to notice you sprint full force down their direction.

A loud, discernable and gravelly “HEY!” erupts from what you would was the aforesaid man of the night. The echo of his footsteps and their increasing pace could be heard in rhythm with your own.You dismiss it almost immediately, continuing to shoulder others without apology and turning corners in hopes of losing him.

The longer you run—the more the adrenaline begins to seep out of your body—being replaced by fatigue along with the reality that your body was starting to cave. Your lungs start to burn and your throat becomes painfully dry, forcing you to have to take deep gulps before you flat out couldn’t breathe at all. The muscles in your calves and shins on fire and tensing underneath you reminding you that the last experience you ever had of running had come from high school P.E. class.

You whip your head around to survey the area behind you before darting around yet another corner and continuing your pursuit.

As you adjust your focus back to the streets in front of you, you collide into the chest of yet another man. You substantially knock him over, causing him to almost fall back but he picks up his feet from under him, regaining his stance while holding onto your forearms and you, unconsciously holding onto his for dear life as well.

While muttering inaudible apologies to the man, you begin dusting off your pants before reaching up to dust the fabric of his black hoodie. His hand wraps around your wrist as you start to do so. You freeze in your tracks. The action this time around is much more gentle, almost gingerly in a way. Your eyes trail to the slender fingers that wrapped around your wrist before moving to his face before finally settling into his eyes. The hazy, twinkling specks of light all the more visible in his orbs.

“Y/N?-“

The sound of heavy, quickened footsteps pull you out of your trance. Before the man could finish his words, you yank him aside to the coincidentally located brick-walled alleyway. You couldn’t even consider it an alleyway—being just the perfect width to fit both of your bodies and deep enough to keep you both hidden from sight. On a whim, you motion him to stand in front of you so his body would encompass the opening. He had an all black hoodie and sweatpant ensemble going on, and you hoped that with the poor lighting you two would remain unnoticed.

You both remain there, silent and still. Your back pressed up against the brick wall, hands clutching onto the fabric of his hoodie while nestling your head into his chest. He simply stood there in bewilderment at the chain of events that had just occurred. He would have never imagined that your first encounter since your breakup would be like this.

He decides to break the silence first, “Y/N, is everything okay?”

“Um, well” you whisper back in response, finally detaching yourself from him, “it’s kind of a long story. I was at a bar and there was this creepy guy who just wouldn’t leave me alone,” you explain while peering over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, but can you please stay with me,” you quietly murmur while looking up at him, “for the time being, I mean. I think he’s still looking for me.”

He gets a small whiff of your alcohol-scented breath, but your expression and tone made it clear that you were sober for the most part. “Of course, I mean, did you really think I was just gonna leave you here?” he asks you while chuckling under his breath, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

Before you could react to both his question and his actions, you detect the same gravelly voice that had caused you to land in this mess in the first place. Your eyes widen in fear— trailing to the aforementioned man standing in front of you. Jungkook notices your sudden change in expression and his eyes tread the same path—staring daggers into the man without delay as rage began to pulse through his veins.

He takes a step forward, one of his hands coming in contact with your body as he promptly motions you to move behind him.

“I’ll say this once, and I’ll say this nicely,” Jungkook begins, voice low—like subdued thunder, a tone you had never once heard come from his lips, “if you lay another hand on her, you are going to regret it. And I’ll make sure of it.” You could feel him quivering with anger beneath your fingertips and you could swear you could hear your own heart hammer against the walls of your chest.

The man smirks, not affected in the slightest at Jungkook’s words as he steps towards him. His arm writhes out of your grip as he slams his fist square into the nose of the man’s face. He stumbles back, wiping off the crimson red blood that began to trickle out of his nostrils. The smirk is quickly replaced with a smolder of rage and resentment—cocking his head to the side as he spits out more blood, still reeling from the previous hit before he lunges towards Jungkook, anger visibly spiking within him. You quickly sidestep as Jungkook’s back comes in contact with the brick wall, the wind visibly knocked out of him.

Overcome with both distress and rage, you run to the man’s back bringing your hand up to his face and clawing him in the eyes, disarming him. With your other free hand, you grab the flesh of his swollen nose, curling your fingers as much as you could—digging your fingernails and twisting the tendon. A guttural groan escapes his throat as he spirals towards you, pushing you into the pavement and kicking you in the ribs. The shrill scream you emit causes a wave of fury to stream through Jungkook’s bones—he surges towards the man, vigorously slamming into his body with full force right into the hood of a car. You hear the man’s head come in contact with the metal with a loud thump as his body crumbles to the ground. Jungkook’s body towered over his as the man desperately swung, arms flailing as the two wrestled on the cement.

Running on pure, unfiltered anger, Jungkook smashes his fist into the man’s jaw—the bone-shattering noise making you wince. The man ceases action as he lies there unconscious. Jungkook removes himself from the man, groaning in pain as he attempts to stand up. He sees you standing in front of him, streams of tears running down your cheeks—clutching the spot where the man had kicked you. Your eyes retract to his form, scurrying over to him as you carefully help him stand up. Wrapping his arm over your shoulder, you guide him as he limps towards the brick wall and leans against it. You cautiously slide out of his hold, kneeling down to the unconscious man and pressing two fingers to the crook of his neck—the detectable beats alerting you that his pulse was still intact. The sound of police sirens and red and blue flashing lights come into view as one officer gets down from his car. You briefly describe the situation starting from the altercation at the bar to the current disposition of it all—an ambulance taking him to the nearest hospital where he would later get arrested. You and Jungkook both reject their offer of taking you two to the hospital despite your pleas for Jungkook to go, considering the cuts and bruises that were littered across his face and neck. He assured them they were minor so they let you two go without further dispute.

“I’m driving you home. I don’t care what you say,” you huff out, one of his arms draped over your shoulder as you guided him into the passenger seat of his car. To your surprise, he relents and gives you a small smile while digging through his pocket for his keys.

The drive back to his apartment is fairly silent, yet comfortable nonetheless. You guide him the whole way to his apartment despite his own efforts to prove that he was okay before groaning involuntarily in pain. You finally reach his apartment, fishing for the keys in your pocket as you unlock the door, setting him on his couch. Recalling the layout of his apartment, you find a first aid kit in one of his cabinets and return to his side. You begin to lay out the contents of the kit out onto his coffee table, ripping open the package of antiseptic wipes before cleaning the cuts on his face. He grimaces, flinching at the sudden stinging sensation.

“Oh my god,” you flinch in sync with him, “sorry, I should’ve given you a warning,” you mutter apologetically.

“No, it’s okay,” he responds, giving you a reassuring smile. You bite your lip before continuing, more gently this time.

Your hands meekly drop to your sides as you let out a deep sigh, “Jungkook, I don’t even know what to say,” you murmur softly, tears brimming at the corners of your eyes, “I’m so sorry.”

He gingerly wipes a tear away with his thumb, “Don’t be. I would never let anyone hurt you Y/N, regardless of how you feel about me.”

“For a split second, I thought you killed the guy,” you say jokingly, causing a chuckle to leave both of your lips.

“I’d gladly both kill and die for you Y/N,” he states matter-of-factly, a small grin lacing his features.

You take a moment to process his words, thinking of what to reply with.

“Thinking back, it’s kinda ironic. How this all turned out,” you admit, thinking out loud.

“What do you mean?”

“Before he approached me in the bar, I actually happened to be thinking about you,” you confess, looking up at him to see his reaction.

“About me?”

“Yeah,” you huff out, diverting your gaze away from him, taking a brief moment to process the words you were about to say, “I miss you. I miss you a lot. And I miss what we had.”

Time and awareness had stopped in a collision of senses when his lips met yours. The coppery taste of his blood mixed with his strawberry chapstick is what you notice first—the taste lingering on your mouth. A wave of warmth spread throughout your body at the sudden contact—tingles running down your spine as you relished in the pure feeling of his lips being on yours again. It’s as if he leaves imprints every time his fingers come in contact with your skin, trailing your jaw before settling on your neck—fingers entangled slightly into your hair. Both of your lips moved together in accord—the all consuming, crashing tides of familiarity, longing and unspoken words that didn’t need to be voiced out loud to be known. It was all there. Mapped out. Clear as day. Vulnerable as ever.

Your lips detach, foreheads still in contact as he graces your vision with the sight of two crescent moons lacing his features. And in that moment you knew—the hazy, twinkling specks that consumed his eyes. They were undying. As undying as the stars that provided light for the dark abyss of the night sky. And as undying as the feelings you two had for one another.

MASTERLIST

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unlockthelore · 4 years

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What’s In A Name

Distracted from his homework, Yuusuke tries to find a better nickname for Kurama than fox boy.

Part 3 of the Guns and Roses series. For more updates, follow the guns and roses tag on this blog.

Yuusuke had never been that excited to do his classwork even before his death. Attending school had been a chore, and he learned more from the streets than he did stuck behind a desk. Though it did make Keiko happy to see him at the school gates when they couldn’t walk together.

She always beamed at him when he helped her with printouts in the evening. Takenaka was even off his back more than usual but he was always given him those aggravating head nods and slight smiles.

Then there was his mom who let up on her, “You should live somewhere else” routine. Actually, she let up on that whole thing entirely. It was spooking him how often he heard noises in the kitchen and it wasn’t fists being thrown or searching for money hidden in the cupboards. The smell of food making his stomach growl, giving him away as she stole a glance over her should and smiled.

Maybe since he was trying, she would try more too. They were all each other had in the bitter end after all. Shaking thoughts of his mom’s smile from mind, he opened his eyes and gazed at the boy across from him.

No, that wasn’t right.

Minamino Shuuichi wasn’t a boy and he never had been, but he played the part well, sitting with a pencil in his hand and tapping at one line of his Classic Lit homework. His red hair tied up in a messy bun, two long locks framing his face, and Yuusuke could practically see the gears turning in his mind.

The clock on the nightstand was turning six and Yuusuke had long since wore out his break time but Shuuichi — Kurama — didn’t say anything. He figured that he had at least five minutes before he did though which brought him to his next annoyance. Or well, encouragement, he supposed.

Kuwabara was his rivaling some sense of the word and they were always competing. Ever since that bullshit Akashi tried to pull with Okubo’s part time job, Kuwabara took his studying a lot more seriously. And Yuusuke was content to cheer him on from the sidelines after his resurrection.

It was Kurama who muttered that Kuwabara would surpass him and if he tried, he may not want to be top of the class but he could stay on pace with him.

Yuusuke brushed it off immediately but that didn’t stop the youko from tutoring him with Keiko’s help, smiling at him when he did well, and roping his human mother into the whole scheme.

What scheme? The scheme of trying to make him into a model citizen, that’s what. Yuusuke huffed, setting his jaw in the palm of his hand, balancing his pencil on his upper lip. It wasn’t all that bad — but it was unusual. Having all of them on him constantly. Although they were kinda hands off so he wouldn’t get spooked, it was still weird.

Glancing down at his own Classic Lit homework, he huffed. The #1 Delinquent of Sarayashiki doing homework at six on a Tuesday, unbelievable.

“Something on your mind, Yuusuke?” Kurama asked, amusement laced into his words and his eyes bright with mischief. “You’re like a man with a thousand faces. It’s a bit hard to keep up.”

Yuusuke huffed, setting his pencil down and spinning it beneath his index finger. “Don’t worry about it, fox boy.”

Kurama hummed at the name and watched him for a moment longer. Yuusuke refused to pale or squirm under his gaze but it was weird. Reflexively, he wanted to ask what Kurama was looking at. But trying to intimidate him was like trying to level a building.

Wasn’t happening anytime soon.

Eventually, a quiet amused huff told Yuusuke that it was alright to look up. Kurama’s attention returned to his work, the corner of his lips curled in a soft smile. His pencil’s lead scratching across the paper as he wrote down his answer, somehow making even that movement graceful. Yuusuke’s lips tugged in a slight pout, eyes narrowing at the youko as he worked.

The thought crossed his mind to wonder if it was too creepy that he was examining Kurama’s face, trying to commit every detail to memory of how at ease he was now. Compared to how sullen he’d been on the hospital rooftop, awaiting death while trying to communicate his life story as succinct as it was told. There were mysteries to him that Yuusuke was sure he wouldn’t figure out in one lifetime or two.

And all he could think to do was call him fox boy after they narrowly avoided death for not only the first but the second time. The nickname did get a reaction out of him then, confusion if not a bit of exasperated humor. Yuusuke smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. Remembering Kurama crumpled to the ground, crimson red staining the jacket of his uniform as Hiei stumbled backward clawing at his eye in pain.

At that moment, seeing him try to put on a smile and assure him that he was fine, fox boy didn’t seem like a good descriptor. Pushing his Classic Lit homework aside, Yuusuke focused all his attention on Kurama and narrowed his eyes as he thought it over.

“Mm…” He tipped his head to one side, his cheek pressed against his palm. “Babe?”

Kurama’s pencil continued moving, his attention locked on the next few sentences he was trying to translate. A distracted hum the only indicator that he heard Yuusuke at all. Without him looking, it was easier for Yuusuke to smile adoringly. Kurama was kind of cute when he was thinking.

Which meant he must be cute all the time since he did anything but think.

“Just seeing which ones work,” Yuusuke explained, tucking his hand against his elbow as he crossed his arms atop the table. Shimmying forward to look at Kurama closely. A lot of mysteries, someone who was beautiful on the outside, deadly but so nice that you just had to get close.

“… What about…” Yuusuke tipped his head to one side, tasting the word on his lips and rolling it around like the filter of one of his cigarettes. “Rose?”

Kurama’s hand veered off the paper, a long dark line marring the paper as his pencil lead snapped. Yuusuke’s eyes widened. A deep scarlet blooming across Kurama’s cheeks, making his features seem softer than usual, his eyes widened with surprise and sparkling. With his hair tied up, Yuusuke could see the tips of his ears turning red and his own heart fluttered.

It wasn’t everyday Kurama was flustered.

“For real?” Yuusuke gaped, breaking the silence between them. “That’s the one?”

Kurama quickly averted his gaze, his rose-colored cheeks darkening. “… You are unbearable sometimes.”

“Aw c’mon, you like me,” Yuusuke said cheekily, propping his elbow up and resting his cheek in hand, waiting until Kurama huffed to drop the final nail in the coffin. “Rose.”

Yuusuke was absolutely giddy with how dark the blush had gotten. Kurama pressing his hand against his mouth to hide the curl of his smile, his pencil abandoned on top of his open notebook.

“I suppose I do…” He said cooly, glancing at Yuusuke from the corner of his eye before looking away.

The distance between them felt too great. Yuusuke pushing up from where he sat, his knee banging against the table in his haste to round the table to Kurama’s side. The youko shifted slightly, lowering his hand and turning his face away, his back to Yuusuke as the detective sat behind him and drew him closer. His chest pressed to Kurama’s back and arms wound around his shoulders.

“Suppose?” Yuusuke said softly into his ear, his cheek pressed against Kurama’s own.

The tension in the line of his shoulders eased as he leant back against Yuusuke, nuzzling against his cheek. “…I do,” Kurama muttered after a moment of silence, Yuusuke holding him tighter in response.

His cheek felt so warm and Yuusuke could smell wildflowers, a bit of rain, and honey. It was distinct. Something he wouldn’t expect from anyone else. Only him. And so damn comforting that he couldn’t help but hug Kurama as close as possible, peeking over his shoulder at the sentences.

“There’s a million roses in the world,” Yuusuke muttered, the hitch of Kurama’s breath at the recitation of the quote spurring him to continue. “But none like mine.”

Kurama’s hand rested on top of his arm, and Yuusuke pressed his lips against the youko’s temple, holding there without a word.

“You’re quite the romantic.”

“Yeah? Well, don’t tell anybody…”

Kurama’s chuckle was deep and rumbling. Yuusuke closing his eyes for a bit to savor the sound as he felt a kiss to his cheek.

“It’ll be our secret,” Kurama whispered reverently to his ear, a shiver running down Yuusuke’s spine as he pressed a smile against Kurama’s shoulder. “Besides, I’d prefer to be selfish and keep it to myself.”

Yuusuke chuckled, remembering the spiel about him being a master thief. Who knew how much stuff he stole and how much of it he kept? And if Kurama was gonna treat him like a treasure. Well, what was the harm in that?

Squeezing his shoulder playfully, Yuusuke glanced at him from the corner of his eye. “How can I say no?”

#yu yu hakusho #yyh #kurameshi #kurama #yusuke urameshi #guns and roses

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1-800-i-ship-it · 4 years

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Black Lives Matter. Period.

Alright I know that my blog is basically just ToG stuff and random stuff here and there, but I thought that maybe I could speak out about this a bit. In light of recent events (which really shouldn’t be happening by now), and also events that have happened 5, 10, 100, 200, 400 years ago, America still has countless racism issues that seriously need to be addressed.

Disclaimer: I am by no means an expert on this subject. I am simply sharing what I have learned, and some actions that I have taken. I am still learning everyday, and these are just some of my thoughts, as well as some resources for you all to check out. I admit that I am not as educated about this subject as I should be, so I am actively working on learning how to be an ally, actively be anti-racist, and more. The reason why I am sharing this is because this is a very important subject and if I could even get one person to take action because of this, then my efforts will be worth it.

Why is this important, you may ask? What does this have to do with me? This is not a political matter. It’s a human rights matter. It’s not white vs. black. It’s everyone vs. racists. We are all equal and should be, under the law right? Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Police brutality has shown that black people are often targeted and murdered for no. good. reason. and then blamed. It is a tragedy that so many black people have died at the hands of policemen, and for no good cause but racism. Too many victims. Say their names. George Floyd. Breonna Taylor. David McAtee. Tony McDade. Iyanna Dior. And many countless other victims of injustice. And the fact that it’s been going on for so long shows just how unjust the system is. We need to fight for our black sisters and brothers. We need to support the black community. We need to address the fact that black people are oppressed, that they are less privileged than we are, recognize that, and work towards making sure they have their rights.

It’s also important to recognize and accept your privilege as well. If you are not black, you benefit from white supremacy. Be actively anti-racist. I know this may be uncomfortable, and I admit that it was for me to recognize and accept it, but I am now actively working towards being anti-racist. (this part is based off of one of Schuyler Bailar’s posts (@pinkmantaray on insta))

By the way, about all lives matter. Saying all lives matter right now is like saying all ecosystems matter when there’s a specific rainforest that needs saving. Yes, all ecosystems matter. But the rainforest is the one that needs saving.

The good part? These issues are being addressed, with protests, social media posts, petitions, donations, supporting black-owned businesses, etc... the list goes on. Some people post on social media, some are protesting on the streets, some are silently donating and signing petitions, some are educating themselves, some are talking to friends and family about this issue. There are many ways you can contribute–you do not have to do all of them. Be kind to yourself and others. Empathy is essential right now. The important thing is to keep moving forward and do what you can. Don’t stop after this is all over. Keep educating yourselves, keep working towards becoming ant-racist, keep advocating for the black community. Vote. Amplify the voices of the black community. Know anyone who disagrees with you? Don’t simply just shut them out. Talk it out. Talk to them about it, have the uncomfortable conversation. Encourage them to educate themselves. We are all in this together, and we are stronger united, not divided, fighting amongst ourselves. Only then can we make a stronger impact.

Now, many people at this point may think, how do I help? How can I make a difference when I don’t have any money to donate? Well, here’s some good news for you!!

1. Check out this link that has petitions, places to donate to, resources to educate yourself, and much much more. It also includes a couple zip codes you can use if you’re international. I’ve spent all of today reading the petitions and signing all of them. I highly encourage you to read and sign these petitions. You can also sign more than once if you have another email. Share with your family and friends! Like I have said above, it is also super important to educate yourself.

2. Speak out. Don’t be scared to call out racist behavior. Do not be afraid to make others uncomfortable by addressing their racist actions or how they are being complicit.

3. Don’t have money to donate? Watch these videos and turn your adblockers off so that the ad revenue can go to support black movements! Also, I am aware that this is a playlist, but I thought it’d be more convenient to have everything in one place (which someone has kindly done so), so make sure that when you watch them, please search them up and then click the vid to watch (something about the youtube algorithm, more tips attached below).

Here’s some tips that I’ve obtained from a comment on one of the videos:

For these fundraisers to work you need to do the following 1. Do NOT put this on loop or repeat once it's done. YouTube will see it as s / p / 4 / m and won't show you ads. 2. Watch it through once. Then, watch 3 to 5 videos after of any length. Then, research this video manually and watch it through again. Make sure to watch different videos every time. 3. Do NOT watch in a playlist or a browser app. Use the youtube app. 4. Turn off ad block or youtube premium (you can make a new account or use an incognito tab) 5. Watch on at least 480p and at at least half volume. Do NOT pause or fast forward the video. 6. Watch through videos and do NOT skip them. You can click on ads as well! 7. Comment and like this video - it will tell YouTube this is something people like. Be careful with your wording, though, and avoid emojis 8. Do not clear playback or search history 9. Share this on social media! Spread the word!

Another link that includes other issues you can learn about as well.

Additionally, the NAACP is having a moment of silence: 8 minutes and 46 seconds in recognition of George Floyd’s funeral. It will be on June 4, 2020, 3:45PM ET.

I hope this helps! Please remember that actions absolutely do make a difference. It is imperative that each of us take it upon ourselves to support this movement, through any means that you are able to.

If you read this far, thank you. I hope you will take action, are taking action, or have done so already, and I hope this post has also given you some more resources to work with.

#black lives matter #blm #i cant breathe #george floyd #breonnataylor #justice #justice for breonna #tony mcdade #stand up #david mcatee #fight for justice #fight for whats right #police reform #support black voices #iyanna dior #protest #sign petition #blacklivesmatter

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sneezysmonsterlovin · 5 years

Text

Tiefling Boyfriend

A/N: I accidentally posted this to the wrong blog lol woops. Sorry if it sucks, I kinda rushed it right before bed. Going to England for a couple of weeks so I will be extra lazy in posting

Still not edited very well

Warnings: Uhh misunderstandings?? I don’t actually street preform so sorry If It’s stupid inaccurate

Word Count: 1,845 I believe

Everyday that you went into town, you always made sure to pass through the central square. You usually only went to town on Sundays, and sometimes Wednesdays, but you swore up and down to your friends that it was just a coincidence. That’s right, it had nothing to do with the charming tiefling dressed neatly in a white button up and black slacks.

You didn’t go to get a glimpse of the grace he exuded while dancing, and you definitely didn’t commission a large portion of your spending money to songs that you only dreamed he’d dance too before he’d open the requests.

No, he was far from your mind as you dashed to the open clearing, bordered by large colorful plants and streetlamps, crosswalks leading towards the towering city buildings all around you. But it wouldn’t hurt to stop and look would it?

You stopped in your tracks as the soft, up-beat music filled the afternoon air. His horns were the first thing you saw, protruding out of the sides of his head before twisting high into the air. They were the same dark, stormy blue as the rest of him. Although, as you recalled, his arms (and legs, you assumed) faded into an even darker purple, verging the color black. As you slid through the crowd, eyes stuck to his breathtaking figure, you realized he was in a different outfit today.

He still wore the white button up and slacks, though now he wore a clean black jacket and tie, and his long white hair was braided back into a sort of crown. His stereo and speakers were in the same place as usual, a bucket beside it labeled ‘TIPS’ in it’s respective spot. Though now, there sat a vase of flowers, a beautiful eye-catching shade you’d have to remember the next time you went to buy some.

It was almost as if he were dressed for a date. And as you observed his fluid movement, twisting and spinning in circles expertly, the song faded from the up-beat melody from before into a much smoother and delicate song. He slowed, and for a second you thought he made eye contact with the beautiful young orc beside you, whose yellow green skin contrasted so brightly compared to his. You realized, with that sparkle in his eyes that you brushed off as your imagination and all the other small details that he’d found someone.

You couldn’t help but feel let down, heart sagging heavily in your chest for the unrequited feelings. Feelings, you reminded yourself, for a stranger. A stranger that you’d only been watching for almost a year. You winced silently at that, almost ashamed of yourself for attending his performances. It was your fault though. If you’d only made a move sooner, then maybe you’d get a chance.

And with that, you shuffled through the wad of cash and gently pulled the white card you’d spent weeks preparing out, stuffing it into your back pocket to be forgotten and tossed out later, then silently making your way around the gorgeous tiefling man to drop the money into the bucket and going on your way.

“Wait! Please!”

You hoped, with all your heart, that the soothing, lilted voice that shouted out was not for you. Your day had been filled with moping about as you finished your weekly shopping, stocking up so that you wouldn’t have to return for another month. But, your wishes went unheard as you were gently halted by a narrow purple hand. Your heart skipped a beat as you recognized the shade, and you turned around quickly.

You were disappointed though, as the tiefling man in front of you was not the one you’d been hoping for. He’d had the same skin, though his horns were longer and his hair was shorter and choppy. He looked younger, with a rounder face and wider eyes.

“Can I help you?” You asked warily, only wishing to be rid of the heavy bags you carried.

“No need, I was just asked by my brother to fetch you.” He gasped for breath, and you bemusedly thought he must’ve ran quite the distance to catch up with you for him to be this out of breath. “You know, the Dashing Dancer? You usually stay longer at his preformances, and so he had a special one planned and well... Please follow me.”

“A special dance?” You’d raised an eyebrow at that. The man flushed,whipping around to begin walking as you followed.

“N....Not like, how you’re thinking. It’s just...different. And he really wanted you to see it.” He mumbled, glancing at you through the corner of his eye. You nodded, and observed your surroundings silently as he led you back to Central Square.

As you arrived, the sun had shrunk farther beneath the horizon and the streetlights were beginning to flicker on. Most of the crowd had left, and the tiefling led you to his brother in shy silence. You wondered if you’d embarrassed him.

You were led to stop in the front and center of the remaining crowd, directly in front of the pretty man you’d been fawning over these past months. He was staring straight at you, and you tried not to blush as he slowly began to walk towards you.

“May I have this dance?” He asked sweetly, his voice deeper than you’d imagined. He was smiling now, teeth glinting in the faint sunlight. You efforts not to turn a shade of pink were forgotten, and you blushed violently as everyones stare now fell to you.

“I...Don’t know how to dance.” You whispered, trying to save yourself from anymore embarresment. It was a lie, you’d taking a handful of dance classes after seeing his preformances and were able to do so decently now, but you were never all that great at preforming to a crowd so suddenly. Not one that was glaring at you with judgemental eyes, ready to whisper about the failure that the Dashing Dancer had plucked out of the crowd.

“No? Then, I’ll lead. But please join me, dear. I don’t know how you haven’t noticd me showing off to you yet.” He chuckled, gently taking your hand and waiting for you to accept with hopeful eyes. You looked up at him in surprise, slowly nodding and letting yourself be led once again. Though now, your heart beat against your chest so painfully you thought you might die.

The song he played was slow and smooth, matching that pace to almost one of a waltz. He spun you gently before pulling you close to him, turning together to the melody.

You looked up at him, and took notice of the white freckles that made you think of stars sprinkled across his cheeks and bridge of his nose.

“You know, I was trying to ask you out earlier.” He whispered into your ear, and you looked up at him in surprise. He nodded, chuckling just as quietly. “Yep, flowers, romantic music, suit and all.”

“You were?” You gasped, before giggling. “I thought you were being lovey dovey for your lover.” You whispered and he pulled his head away, eyebrows raised in surprise. This time you noticed a piercing in his eyebrow.

“Love, I can assure you, I’ve been single for almost three years now.” He smiled softly, albeit a bit lonely. You smiled back, hesitantly leaning your head against his chest as you danced. His heart seemed to match pace with yours, you snickered. “Ah, you can tell, huh? I’m afraid I’m as lovesick as a teenage boy.”

You blushed harder, giggling a bit uncontrollalbly. “You move around just as lively, too.”

“I assume that’s a compliment, but I don’t know if I should take it as one.” He laughed, and pulled away as the song came to an end. “So...” He trailed, off... peering into your eyes just as hopefully as he looked when he first asked you to dance.

“I was going to give this too you before I changed my mind, but I think I ought to now.” You hummed, pulling the card you’d written out and gently placing it in his hands. “I best be off, but I look forward to your texts. I think I’ll take you up on the offer of a date, if it still stands.” You glanced up at him, smiling softly as his cheeks darkened.

“It does.” He grinned happily. “I just wish my flowers survived the day.”

“It’s no problem,” You assured, “I’ll see you soon.” You reached up, placing a hand upon his left cheek and your lips upon his right. You felt his cool skin heat beneath you, and as you pulled away he leaned towards your smaller hand.

“Soon...” He muttered, smiling widely at his brother who’d taken it upon himself to shoo the crowd and let them have their moment.

“But not soon enough.”

#Tiefling #Tiefling boyfriend #monster boyfriend #male monster #male monster x reader #nb reader #fem reader #whatever you want reader #dancing tiefling boi #super lazy #monster x human #exophilia #sfw

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imagine-organization-xiii · 5 years

Note

Hey!! Can I get the org as youtubers?? Love your writing!!

Xemnas

Internet cryptid. Rarely shows his face. Uploading schedule is random and everyone is always surprised and excited when he decides to post a new video.

Everyone flocks to his channel for his voice. Most of his videos are of him reciting poetry or short stories. Has the perfect voice that makes you feel as though you’re listening to an audiobook. That being said, he goes pretty far into the ASMR thing, usually with his low voice reading to you, but everyone loves it so he doesn’t really want to change.

Doesn’t go to conventions or events, partly because he wants to keep the mystery of his appearance alive and partly because he doesn’t like meeting people.

Xigbar

Literally posts whatever the hell he wants, maybe once or twice a week depending on how busy he is. His channel is very Jenna Marbles-esque in the sense that he goes off the rails all the time. He’ll video himself trying a new workout routine, attempting and failing to cook a meal, going to a gun range another day, getting Xion to paint his nails in another video, telling stories about why he wears an eye patch that get more and more ridiculous as he goes on, etc.

Chill with fans. He’s super casual and actually likes meeting fans. Will be cool with you if you’re cool with him and don’t treat him as some big celebrity. He’s just a random guy who makes a few videos on the internet and that’s how he wants everyone to see him.

Xaldin

A workout channel, of course! Does a series of different types of workout routines that are good for different people with different body types and different levels of energy. A very body positive channel! Also has a series on different types of diets and the positives and negatives of each - more in regards to living healthier lifestyles than losing weight.

Went viral during a collab with Lexaeus about healthy food and organic versus non-organic fruits and veggies.

Will definitely talk to fans if they meet on the street or by chance, but doesn’t really go to conventions. He does videos because he finds it fun, not because he wants to be famous.

Vexen

Has a Bill Nye the Science Guy type of channel where he teaches people about the wonders of science and how science can answer nearly every question you might have about the universe. Did a whole, scathing series about climate change that went completely viral and caused quite a few stubborn conservatives to condemn his channel, but he’s fairly well-liked throughout the entirety of the scientific community.

One of those rare Youtubers that actually has a day job as a scientist for some fancy laboratory or university.

Doesn’t really like meeting fans because he doesn’t know how to talk to people, but will happily talk if someone strikes up a conversation that happens to be particularly intriguing.

Lexaeus

Honestly, this man has a cooking channel, but the actual cooking content varies. He has a whole series about cooking tips and hacks, as well as good tools to have in your kitchen. Videos concerning food range from beautiful aesthetic baking recipes for cookies and cupcakes to an Epic Meal Time level of food insanity.

His fans are intimidated when approaching him because he’s so large and intimidating, but they soon realize that he’s actually a sweetheart and is happy to answer questions and give tips to his viewers when he meets them.

Zexion

Mostly does reviews about things. The majority of them are about books, but he’ll sometimes do movies if they were book-to-movie adaptations. His reviews are fair, brilliant, and well-thought out, so he’s actually been approached by several movie studios that wanted him to review scripts before they start production.

Feels like he’s awkward around fans but they don’t think so. Gets exhausted by social interaction so he’ll talk to people, but he has to take some time alone afterward to re-charge.

Saix

Makes How To videos and educational videos. Saix’s channel is something you stumbled across when looking for tips for writing a resumé or for tips when going into a job interview.

Fairly informative in his videos, if a bit long-winded. The videos are worth the full watch, though, because he has some scathing, dry humor that you enjoy.

Did a whole series on his channel about politics - the important of voting, explaining governmental processes, explaining impeachment, giving information about various candidates, etc. This is the series that really made his channel fly up in subscribers.

Awkward with fans and doesn’t know how to interact with people fawning over him. Stopped going to events after some girl groped his ass because he felt too uncomfortable.

Axel

A travel blog! He goes all over the world - worlds - exploring the sights and local favorite spots. He gets a little extreme sometimes because he likes to try everything, whether that’s scuba diving with sharks, sky diving, riding camels through a desert, rock and mountain climbing, etc., but he likes to have the full experience.

He also does gaming, mostly group games like PUBG or Overwatch or Gary’s Mod games that he can co-op with Roxas.

Absolutely loves meeting fans. He really cares about his fans and loves making conversations with them - everyone finds him really easy to talk to, so they flock to conventions when they hear he’s going to be in attendance.

Demyx

A music channel! He writes his own music, does covers of popular songs, experiments with different instruments, does online lessons and teaches how to tune certain instruments.

He also does some travel stuff with Axel, depending on where Axel happens to go. They always have a lot of fun together so they like to collab whenever they have the chance.

Adores meeting fans and gives some really awesome hugs! Gets super excited and flattered whenever anyone recognizes him in public.

Luxord

Does a little bit of everything. Got popular with doing unboxing videos for different types of subscription boxes. Also does a follow-me around where he goes to different sights around his hometown and explores things. Has a series of videos about classic foods and snacks from England.

Surprisingly, he first went viral for a video explaining what Brexit was and why it was important to vote.. Everyone was super impressed with the resources and information that he gave in the video.

Doesn’t mind meeting fans but doesn’t go to conventions or events. He’s usually pretty busy, so he’ll probably stop for a picture and a handshake and be on his way.

Marluxia

Marluxia’s channel is a mash of makeup tutorials and gardening tips. He has the most phenomenal garden that people love to look at and makes videos about soil pH, fertilizer and composting, and which plants go well with different types of environments and weather.

But then he also has his beauty guru side where he makes these incredible makeup tutorials that people can’t understand how he can possibly have such a steady hand when doing his contour and eyeshadow.

Viewers are a combination of 60 year old men and women looking for gardening tips and teenagers looking for makeup tips. Is fine with talking with the teenagers but will absolutely have hour-long conversations with anyone who starts talking to him about his plants.

Larxene

Self-defense, particularly for women who need to protect themselves but they could be applied to men, too. Good friends with Xaldin and has him on her channel a lot, usually when she needs a test dummy to try out new moves on. It helps her viewers to know that even though she’s small, she can still take out guys twice her size - and that her viewers can, too!

Sometimes does makeup tests with Marluxia because she can make some wicked sharp eyeliner wings.

She’s pretty cool with meeting fans as long as you’re cool with her. Do not hit on her or think you have a right to monopolize her time just because you’re a fan. You will regret it.

Roxas

Roxas is first and foremost a gaming youtuber. He loves video games and would play them all day every day if he could. Sometimes does charity livestreams on Twitch and he’s raised a lot of money for good causes!

Doesn’t really have a particular kind of game he plays - has a fondness for Nintendo, but he’ll play a little of everything. it really depends on what kind of mood he’s in at the time.

Gets really shy around meeting fans but he loves his fans to pieces! He thinks that they’re all super awesome and give great recommendations for new games he should try.

Xion

Craft videos! Xion loves arts and crafts so you can bet that she’s going to be showing you how to make different projects in an easy and fun way that doesn’t cause too much stress. She also dabbles in trying different types of painting, sculpting, sketching, nail art, etc., and makes awesome tutorials that are easy to follow.

Gets embarrassed around fans because she’s super flattered that anyone would love her videos enough to watch them consistently.

Xion gets the occasional fan that’s a little… too familiar with her, but she usually has someone with her when she goes to cons and events, so they happily act as her bodyguard.

Collabs with other Youtubers a lot, particularly Lexaeus, to everyone’s surprise. They usually do videos together when Lexaeus makes some kind of sweet dessert.

#kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts headcanon #organization xiii #organization xiii headcanons

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oldguy56-world · 4 years

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Waiting for Guffman

i thought that when i retired and I had lots of time on my hands, I would somehow magically be endowed with tremendous patience. Well, as it turns out, I am that old dog and that would be the new trick. This turned out to not be a character flaw (Heaven’s forbid) but rather a mathematical equation.

Old guy + encounters with stupid/lazy/uncaring people = boiling point.

Like any good scientist (using the term loosely) the results do not come from a random incident, but rather from a very large test group over a long period of time. This has been sitting in the back of my mind where I usually keep useless trivia and the phone number for Dominos, but a recent brought it to my frontal lobe where i keep my facial recognition (very important as you get older) and my name and address. (Even more important)

There was a large food fest being held right across the street from where we live, so joy was in my heart for two reasons: Food, and it was close. The advertised time was 11-7, so at 11:05 we made our trek across the street. I found what I wanted (I am pretty sure my wife did as well but I kind of blacked out with joy) so I went to the food truck where I was first in line. Before I could even tell them what I wanted, I was greeted with “Sorry, we are still setting up. Give us another 15 minutes.” What the @#&%? If that is the case they should have arrived at 10:30 or started the festival at 11:30.

So that is the Genesis of this blog. Now for what has been festering over time.

- Help lines. Why do they say ‘your call is important to us. Please stay on the line.’ If it were really important they could do two things:1) Make the first option If you would like to speak to someone please press 1 now. Don’t make it the last option. 2) have more than one operator per one million customers manning (Sorry. should this be personing?) the help line. Saying my call is next if it still takes fifteen minutes to get to me is aggravating. Telling me the estimated wait time is just cruel.

- If you cannot back your car into a space in less than 3 tries, buy a bike, or just pull in frontwise. (that could be a new word. Maybe Webster will give me credit for it) You make my ice cream melt while I wait and that is unforgivable.

- You invite company over for a specific time, and they show up late. Don’t they know we are so excited to have anyone come over that we have been sitting by the door since last night ready to greet them? Only thing worse than this is waiting for them to leave. Don’t they know our show is coming on shortly?

- Waiting for deliveries or service people (see I am learning) to show up. They give you the old “you are scheduled between 9 and 5. Make sure you are home routine. This traps you there until they arrive, usually at 4:55. This is aggravating because normally we sit at home all day, but it is our choice. They have taken away our freedom.

- Waiting for pizza or Chinese food to arrive. They always come within the time they give you, but i think it is because they have some kind of trick that makes your clock slow down. It seems to take forever. By the time they arrive I am no longer hungry because I have been snacking. (who am I kidding. I am always hungry)

- Waiting at a doctor’s office. They are mean because you have to wait twice, Once in the big room with everyone else, and once in the examination room by yourself. Here is a quick tip to kill time in the big waiting room: play ‘I wonder what is wrong with that person’. Second tip: don’t do this out loud, although you are already at the doctor’s so they can take care of any injuries you may sustain.

- Ketchup. I waited 50 years for them to get this right and they finally came out with squeeze bottles. Now, all glass containers should be outlawed. Now can we get the same scientists working on boiling an egg in one minute? or boiling pasta? There is money to be made here.

Apparently i have a ‘wait’ problem. Is Marie Osmond available to help me? I like her solution. It is food based.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: If someone says ‘it was worth the wait’ make them wait before you smack them. Then ask if it was worth the wait.

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clexa--warrior · 4 years

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Hey, Have You Heard About This Coronavirus Thing? Crazy Shit, Right? (Ferret/Shower Cap)

History texts depicting this period will read like deranged Choose Your Adventure books written by sadists; no matter how frantically you flip backwards, you just can’t seem to find the page when you still had the option to vote for the really smart lady with the email server. Anyway, join me for a quick news round-up, it won’t take long, and when we’re done, I give you permission to run away to join a roving Thai monkey street gang.

(As always, find this post WITH nifty news links here: http://showercapblog.com/hey-have-you-heard-about-this-coronavirus-thing-crazy-shit-right/)

For those of you just waking up from a Rip Van Winkle nap, the United States is facing a massive, coast-to-coast, health crisis, whose tragic consequences have exploded exponentially because our Idiot Manchild President really believed, in that churning campground septic tank he calls a mind, that protecting his personal approval ratings by understating the problem was more important than the health and safety of the American public. I don’t know what you can call that but murder. On the one hand, it’s weird to say “wow, the President murdered a bunch Americans through boneheaded, unforgivably selfish, neglect,” but we already saw him get away with precisely that crime in Puerto Rico, so here we are.

Now, I have come to expect malice from the federal government under Hairplug Himmler, but sometimes their capacity for raw, senseless, evil still shocks me. This is my way of saying that, until they got fucking caught, the Department of, and Someone Should Slap the Word Out of Their Filthy Mouths, Justice attempted to remove CDC fliers offering potentially life-saving information regarding the coronavirus from...immigration courtrooms. My God. What a small but potent horror. Feels like the work of an ambitious intern in Stephen Miller’s office, doesn’t it? Trying to impress the boss? Just a sinister little trick, to spread a little more pain, a little more misery, a little more death in an already vulnerable, and whatta-coincidence-nonwhite, community? Fuck these awful, awful, people.

It seems President Liposuction Clinic Dumpster has been calling up leading Taliban terrorists on a secret U.S. kill-or-capture list, presumably to trade tips n’ tricks on how to undermine the USA at home and abroad. Now, negotiating with these murderous dirtbags is a big diplomacy no-no (and of course Donnie Dotard got rolled anyway) but in all honestly, if I had access to a secret kill list contact sheet, I’d probably give in to the temptation to make some prank calls. “Is your refrigerator running? Yeah? Are you sure it’s not a FLEET OF DRONES ABOVE YOU RIGHT NOW?”

For Jeff Sessions, the wages of sin turned out to be a faceful of Trump-branded fecal matter, as the Candycorn Skidmark, whose campaign Ol’ Beauregard embraced way back before fascism was cool in conservative circles, endorsed his opponent in the coming Alabama Senate runoff. How must it feel to have been the very fellow who flipped the switch on the Rube Goldberg/Mousetrap Board Game device that destroyed America, and to watch the machine work its destructive magic for years, only to realize it’s also got one special crotch punt in store for just you personally. I’d feel bad for Bilbo Bigot, if it he weren’t, y’know, one of the very worst people alive.

Alex Jones got arrested for drunk driving, and, upon his release, got right back to work selling...sigh...selling some bullshit toothpaste that he’s telling the rubes magically cures the coronavirus. Authorities are cracking down on Jones and fellow charlatan Jim Bakker over their odious snake oil peddling enterprises, but I don’t know what’s more shocking and disappointing to me, that there are such vile fuckwads in the world, who seek to profit off the fear of the misinformed during times of crisis, or that said fuckwads have so many blind, willing, disciples?

Speaking of fuckwads, Ron Johnson seems to have backed down, for now at any rate, from his quest to stage a show trial for Hunter Biden in the U.S Senate. And that’s awesome and all, but never forget how ready, how eager, RoJo has been, to corruptly manipulate the vast powers of the government for his democracy-stomping Turdlord’s political benefit. Ron is the kind of fellow you’d have found stamping documents outside trains bound for Dachau.

But yeah, I suppose the big story is still that coronavirus thing. Great choice on evolution’s part, the way symptoms don’t necessarily manifest right away, so we can spread that shit around without knowing we’re even infected. Anyway, I made sure to thoroughly disinfect tonight’s blog before posting, and medical professionals inform me that though the virus can linger on plastic and metal surfaces for as long as days, it cannot survive on a poo joke, so please rest easy, knowing you can safely consume this content in comfort. Unless you're reading it next to somebody with the coronavirus, but that's on you, kid.

The Shart Administration has actually slowed progress in this crucial fight, by classifying high-level coronavirus meetings, because they’re more worried about congressional oversight of their crimes n’ fuckups than they are about OUR LIVES, and y’know what, I do believe I’ll be voting Democrat this November.

And of course, many conservatives are more concerned with blaming the virus on the Chinese than preventing its spread; by gum, there’s no need to abandon yer principles, even when your ineptitude is getting countless folks sick and/or killed! “We may be a cabal of dangerously incompetent assclowns, but let none forget that we are also RACIST assclowns!”

With the stock market finally catching up to the rest of the world in noticing a pudding-brained twit had inexplicably been placed in charge of the most powerful nation in history, Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot oozed into the Oval Office for a prime time speech, and if his goal was “fuck up the entire world as much as humanly possible in ten short minutes,” then he succeeded beyond his wildest imaginings.

It was a speech that completely failed to reassure, instead reminding the world that this drooling manbaby, this bathtub drain hair clog in an ill-fitting suit, truly is President of the Entire United Fucking States, and not only is he light years out of his element but he’s probably spending most of his time practicing his “the world is ending, you have to go out with me now” phone call to Salma Hayek rather than pursuing desperately-needed solutions.

Despite being on teleprompter, with the text of the fucking speech right fucking in front of him, Dorito Mussolini somehow managed to catastrophically misrepresent his own administration’s policies, dropping one more cartoon anvil on the stock market’s already-throughly-bludgeoned ballsack. This is, of course, on top of nonsensical non-solutions like banning travel from Europe, when the virus had already had weeks to spread throughout the country thanks to presidential bungling and neglect.

For 73 years, this cretin has somehow never encountered a problem he couldn’t lie, buy, or bully his way out of, but COVID-19 doesn’t care how much money your daddy gave you, little man. And may I say, on behalf of the thousands who are about to become sick, fuck you. Fuck you eternally with a rusty shovel, for daring to take on such an important job without the skills, temperament, or character to execute its duties. Asshole.

In contrast, Smilin’ Joe Biden gave a speech of his own; calm, collected, solemn, and filled with concrete steps to address the problems facing the nation. And America collectively went, “Oh right, it’s actually highly abnormal to have a gibbering, rectum-mouthed, dolt for a President, and we can actually have a decent, competent, one again! Soon!” It was like leadership porn. I got aroused.

Meanwhile, our already-hopelessly-overmatched Golf Cheat in Chief is multitasking, lobbing missiles at Iran-backed militias in Iraq. I’m just hoping the buttons on his desk are clearly labeled, y’know? Or at least that there’s somebody hanging around who can tackle him before he bombs Seattle and launches 500 respirators at Tehran.

So, um, in the midst of this once-in-generation shitstorm, I guess Sarah Palin dressed up in a bear suit to perform “Baby Got Back” on a reality television program. I’m not a religious person, honestly, but I’m increasingly open to the idea that there is a God, and that s/he’s been on a meth bender since mid-2016.

Social distancing is the zany new anti-dance craze sweeping the nation as we all do our damndest to not get sick and die! As a result, public gatherings are getting called off left and right. March Madness, MLB, NBA, PGA, SXSW, Broadway...personally, I don’t think I fully appreciated the scope of this crisis until I saw the XFL shut down their season. Like, are we even America anymore without one billionaire’s sad attempt to reboot his once-failed vanity project?

As sensible organizations all over the world made painful but obviously necessary sacrifices to, y’know, slow the spread of a deadly disease and save lives, naturally the Velveeta Vulgarian was among the last holdouts, canceling his precious hate rallies only grudgingly, because the safety of even his own fervent base is secondary to the sugar rush of their rageful cheers, filling, if only for a moment, that empty space within him where most people have a soul.

Now more than ever, I am brimming over with gratitude that we took the House back in 2018. Thank god there’s a little leadership, a little accountability, a little common frickin’ sense in Washington now. And thank god for Katie Porter, one of the standouts in a freshman class packed with absolute ass-kickers, cornering the CDC chief into exercising his legal authority to make coronavirus testing free for every American. Imagine if Kevin McCarthy were running the House right now. He’d be fleeing from reporters, in mismatched loafers, trying to sell the public on a bill bailing out nothing but Trump University and Marm-a-Lago.

Well, the Emperor of Hemorrhoids finally buckled and declared (acknowledged) a state of emergency over the coronavirus, which is admittedly a pleasant change from his previous “do everything I possibly can to help the fucker spread” position. We’re still woefully behind, and god only knows how deeply the virus has penetrated while the doddering old bastard diddled and dawdled, but the good news is, the President of the United States finally moved his bloated ass out of the road so we can get to work cleaning up his mess, which is, I suppose, as close to an act of kindness as he’s come in his entire misspent, treacherous, life.

In the middle of today’s press conference, Vice President Mike Pants paused to give Boss Turdworm a rhetorical handjob seemingly designed to last through an entire 14-day quarantine. Jeeeeesus. Mikey Hairshirt was a man once. Not much of one, to be certain, but at least he didn’t have to worry about the possibility of bored schoolchildren pouring salt on him, which would of course prove swiftly fatal in his current state.

A reporter asked Government Cheese Goebbels, “Hey, if you’re not too busy fellating yourself over fucking up slightly less than you’ve been fucking up for weeks, why the fuck did you close down the pandemic office, you nation-wrecking clod?” and he whinged that the question was “nasty,” before reiterating his refusal to take responsibility for the things that are, objectively, his fault. I truly do not understand how this trembling coward’s approval rating isn’t 0%

So Nancy Pelosi spent the week trying to hammer out an emergency bill with Steve Mnuchin, but Republicans naturally balked at many necessary measures. It’s a tricky spot for the GOP; they can’t risk the mass-extermination of the underpaid labor/consumer force that keeps their donor class filthy rich, but doing anything to improve working folks’ lives is just instinctually anathematic to them. But at the time of posting, it does appear as though a deal has been reached, let’s hope no spray-tanned morons fuck it up, right?

In conclusion, I am sick of typing the word “coronavirus,” and you are sick of reading it, so let’s let’s all retreat to our quarantines for the weekend, okay? Enjoy the solitude! Read that novel you bought back in college! Watch that 425-minute Russian film set in a fish cannery! Hey, you can even peruse the archives at showercapblog.com if you feel like reliving just how the fuck it all came to this! Anyway, if you don’t hear from me for a bit, fear not, I’m turning production of this blog over to Jared Kushner, I’m sure he’ll figure it out.

#shower cap’s blog

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itsconstructiondigitalmarketing · 4 years

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THE HEART OF YOUR DIGITAL MARKETING STRATEGY.

Your website is the foundation of a good online marketing strategy. Just say: the beating heart. Without a decent website, your entire strategy collapses like a pudding. In other words: this is the absolute starting point where you can place your product range. Yet you should absolutely not see it as a product catalog. Translate your products into benefits for the consumer.

A concrete example?

Take sun protection now. People post it because it blocks the heat, provides a lower energy bill and gives a sense of privacy. If sun protection providers know that comfort, money and safety are important factors, they must formulate this as concrete benefits for the consumer. In this case you have to make the consumer feel that awnings solve their problems.

This could be on your website, for example: 'Blessed hey, the sun. Well, not always ... In the summer, the sun often causes your home to overheat. In winter, on the other hand, the sun is so low that it always causes dazzling. Did you know that with high-quality sun protection you will never suffer from the above recognizable situations? Moreover, this lowers your energy bill by at least 5%. Discover all the benefits of sun protection here. ”

That is different from: 'With roller shutters and Verboven sun blinds you keep the sun out of your eyes. We specialize in roller shutters and sun blinds. View our range. ”

Some communication tips for your website

This is just one optimization you can implement on your website. Discover more tips below to transform your website into a lead paradise:

Be inspiring: show realizations and projects . An extra tip here: show what your products and / or services are for in practice. Tell us which products you used for this project and explain this.

Build trust with reviews : testimonials make or break your business. Not convinced? Take the test on yourself. Imagine: you go to a village in the Ardennes. Then you search the internet where you can eat well. Then you come to TripAdvisor and you come across two restaurants. One has not yet been reviewed and the other has four reviews from people who speak highly of it. Where will you be dining?

Speak plain language: avoid technical terms or abbreviations when describing a product or service. Nope, we really don't know what RAL19085 or a PVC extruded clip profile with a Ø3MM fabric string can be combined.

P stearate not about how good you are, but do it. This comes down to a summary of the above: show this in the way you write your texts, with realizations, with reviews, etc.

Respond to online inquiries as soon as you can . If someone enters your showroom and shouts: 'I want a quote!', Do you leave it there? Why do many construction industry companies do this online? Some just don't get in touch, while still providing an online tool for a quote request.

Think of the different target groups that end up on your website. Make sure your website is wide enough to accommodate different target groups.

YOUR COMPANY ON GOOGLE

Another way to be found is to register your company with Google. When someone searches for your brand name, they automatically see a company profile on the right. Below you can see an example of Coolblue:

I will explain how to do this in a short video of just 6 steps.

What are the benefits of this?

Online visibility : the people who search for your brand name immediately get a very visual example of your organization. They see the logo and atmospheric images of the showroom. Then they also see interesting information such as the address (with which they can consult directions with one click), website and opening hours. And what do we also see? Reviews from satisfied customers! You're on the map: When you verify your business information, your business will appear on Google Maps. This way, customers can request directions to your company. All contact details and reviews will also appear. Discoverable on different devices: Whether your customer searches for your brand at home or on the road on his laptop, iPad or mobile phone, he will find the same company profile including the correct information.

BLOGGING: THE WAY TO SCORE AT GOOGLE

Do you want to express your love to Google? Then start blogging. And this is why:

46% of all internet users read at least one blog per day. (HubSpot Science of Blogging)

Blogging is what you should do for this too:

B2B marketers who blog on average get 67% more leads than marketers who don't. (HubSpot State of Inbound)

Marketers who prioritize blogging are 13 times more likely to get a positive ROI. (HubSpot State of Inbound)

Blogs are ranked fifth in the rankings of most trusted online sources. (HubSpot Science of Blogging)

When you start blogging, you have to make sure that you blog about a topic that has search volume . For this you use Google Keyword Planner or alternatives such as Keywordtool.io or Wordstream . Do not focus on short-tail keywords such as 'Insulation', but on longer keywords such as insulation placement, insulation benefits, insulation premiums, insulation material and insulation <enter city>. This way you have more chance of top positions in Google.

Concrete titles that you can simply copy :

Save on your energy bill with these insulation tips.

Find out if your plans are eligible for the Flemish renovation premiums.

With these secrets you place insulation like a professional.

Survive the summer with customized sun blinds.

Renovating a bathroom? First read the following points for attention.

FACEBOOK: SHOW YOUR TRUE FACE

"Is Facebook not over yet?" some will think. Well, Facebook is still not outdated for businesses. It can really grow your business. With 1.6 billion active profiles, chances are that your target audience is prominent.

There are different strategies, formats or creative ideas to communicate to your target audience. Most importantly, just be honest and genuine as a brand . Sorry for the Bond Zonder Naam advice, but we will keep repeating it as long as companies ignore that advice.

So forget your marketing story and all your promotions. Tell your real story. Nobody wants nicely packaged, inflated USPs. Facebook is a social medium. We underline equally socially. It's about two-way street, interaction and relationship building . And in which relationship are you allowed to brag, or worse, lie?

Show photos from behind the scenes. Put your staff in the spotlight, show customer achievements including quotes, and more. The possibilities are enormous. When you have a Facebook page, people will leave reviews on it. Respond to these reviews regardless of whether they are positive or negative. Provide a fast response time so that the consumer realizes that you are dealing with him personally.

A well-maintained Facebook page can cost blood, sweat & tears. When you start looking at the results, your heart sinks completely. "Am I doing all this for 2 likes and 100 impressions?" you wonder out loud. You can ask your friends and family if they like and share your posts, but do you think that will pay off? Another, more correct solution is message sponsorship.

LinkedIn: SHARE RELEVANT CONTENT

Another social medium you should really focus on is LinkedIn. The chance that you will get leads from this is greater than on other social channels. LinkedIn is a business channel. When people follow you on Linkedin, it means that they are really interested in your services or products.

The messages here can be more businesslike. Talk about your business, the environment, and the growth you envision. In the ideal world, share your own relevant blog posts or share interesting articles from your sector . In this way you show that you are concerned with what is going on. This gives the consumer confidence.

Using social media also has a positive effect on your ranking in Google . If your pages are alive, Google will reward you with better rankings. In addition, your company profile on LinkedIn will also be found in the search engines. This effect increases when employees indicate on their personal profile that they work for you. Take the test here .

INSTAGRAM / PINTEREST: THE EYE WANTS SOMETHING TOO

Visual channels such as Instagram and Pinterest are perfect for creating a community . You will not score masses of leads from this, but it is still important to be present in the environment of your target group.

Instagram gives you the opportunity to display your brand, services and in a fun way. As a company in the construction sector you can post beautiful photos of realizations or behind the scenes. Plus, you're on a two-way street so your fans can get feedback right away.

Some #instatips:

Always use the same filter so that you define a clear style.

Make use of Geotags.

Use the correct #hashtags. Be sure to explore and see which hashtags are used within your sector.

With Pinterest, you are more likely to collect ideas for the end user. For example, you can make all photos on your website Pinnable . When those images are pinned, they will often be 're-pinned' and a snowball effect will occur. This way you increase the traffic to your website and you take on the role of influencer.

VIDEO CONTENT: PROVIDE YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE WITH INFORMATION IN AN EFFICIENT WAY

In every trend report you can read: video content is getting trendy. Wrong. Video content is hip. How many videos do you watch per day? A lot huh? That in itself is not surprising, because video is one of the most effective channels for conveying a specific message and disseminating it on a large scale . This is because there is too much information to be found these days. Humanity is asking for an efficient channel to find out quickly. And video is the answer to this question.

Deploy video content through how-tos. This way you can develop a concept / video sequence such as '60 seconds'.

Recognize the correct insulation in 60 seconds.

Your shutters spic and span in 60 seconds.

Ask online about your renovation bonuses in 60 seconds

Movies of the atmosphere, projects, walkthroughs, 3D drawings, how to use products safely, ... are also possible. Don't be put off by time. You know what they say: ' It always seems impossible until it's done '

EMAIL: BUNDLE YOUR CONTENT

You can collect all of the above content and email it to your database in the form of a newsletter. Provide a balanced newsletter that also looks good. There may be promotions, but alternate enough with fun, relevant content. Also write a haunting headline so that you trigger people to open it.

So not: 'The overview of Dakwerken Wouters'

Well: "Do you already know these secrets to save on your energy bill?"

For email marketing you can use programs such as MailChimp, Campaign Monitor or all-in-one platforms such as HubSpot.

#affiliate marketing #digitalmarketing

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theboyz-engup · 5 years

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To All The Boyz I’ve Loved Before; Letter Eight

Summary- It was wonderful what a few little letters could do; they could make or break a friendship, cause someone to laugh or smile, make someone remember the time of their life or that moment they wanted to forget. Just some words on paper and poof, everyone knew the way your heart beat and workings of your brain. High school really did wonders on you, as did those twelve boys. Maybe they didn’t know it, but they changed your whole life with each smile, each wave, and each word you typed into paper. You made them permanent, and now they had to know why.

Word Count- 10.6k

Previous Letter - Next Letter

disclaimer: this chapter has mentions of violence, as well as discrimination towards the LGBTQIA+ community. the reasons for this are explained in this post here, which i recommend giving a read before this chapter if this is your first encounter with my blog / this series (and even if it isn’t, it’s a good refresher). this chapter was a way for me to express some of what I have experienced, felt, and continue to feel as a part of the community and, though it isn’t the main part of the story, it is still present in the main character’s life as it is in all lives. thank you for reading and enjoy

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Changmin jogged down the few steps in front of his house, excited to see Jaehyun again. He was coming back today and Ji was told to meet him at his house, where they could take the car and go around town. The boy was always his close friend and he hoped that maybe he could catch a glimpse of Juyeon too. All of them hadn’t been together since the eleventh grade and it made the boy a bit sad. He missed his friends.

As he made his way down the street, he passed the mail woman, who yelled his name. Turning, he made eye contact with the plumper lady, jogging the few steps back.

“We don’t have much for your house today, just this,” she crooned. She looked older than he remembered, crows feet now deeper beside her eyes but smile as sweet as always. He gave her a thank you, bowing slightly before taking a look at the letter in his hands.

“Oh, for me?” His mouth was wide, glasses slowly making their way down the bridge of his nose while his eyes widened.

The woman bid him a sweet goodbye, wishing him a good day, which Changmin quickly returned. Turning back to his original route, he turned over the paper and shook it, confused about what could be in it. Though, he supposed it didn’t matter. As long as he saved the woman a walk up the stairs, he was happy. Quickly, he ripped at the paper, hoping to find out more about what was inside.

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Dear Ji Changmin,

Through our time together, I think I’ve learned how to be strong and it is all thanks to you. You’re a knight in shining armour and I’m beyond glad to have you in my life.

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Mid September, 2016

Amalia’s car came to a slow stop next to the school, sunglasses low on her nose and cocky smile notching her lips up her cheeks. As the window came down, she turned to fix you with a very proud look, one hand on the wheel and the other on the car door.

“Well? What do you think?”

You came very close to the car, ran your finger across the metal and then held it up to show her. “Dusty.”

She smacked at your hand, grumbling a bit as you gave her a loud laugh. It took a small jog to get to the other side and, once you got in, Amalia pouted.

“You don’t like it?”

“It’s your parent’s car, Amalia,” you pointed out, leaning your head towards her, “I’ve seen it before.”

“Yeah but not with me driving it,” she shot back, kicking up an eyebrow at you.

Hands up in the air, you chuckled and said, “you got me there.”

“Tell me you like it and I’ll take you to McDonald’s,” she persuaded, chin now sticking up in the air as she straightened in her chair, ready for the compliment.

Despite yourself, you told her what she wanted to hear, smiling widely at the little giggle that escaped her mouth. As she began to drive, looking very carefully at all her mirrors before taking her car out of park, she chimed, “see? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Before you could respond, Amalia shot off into her usual story time and you were glad to hear her blabbering again. You missed her over the summer, realizing that spending almost everyday together was integral in your relationship. Your days felt rather bland without her, especially when the rest of the group was out of the city. Though, you had to admit that you and Hyunjoon would probably never hang out just the two of you out of some sort of unspoken respect for him and Amalia.

“Sunwoo’s gotten really popular,” she began, talking about the obvious gossip first.

You couldn’t help but agree, feeling a bit small. It had only been a week or two of school, weeks that Sunwoo had taken off to stay and train with his company after his performances, but it seemed like his name was on everyone’s lips. It made you uncomfortable, watching little freshmen walk up to you and ask if you were his friend. Then you thought that, if it made you want to disappear, how would Sunwoo feel? Would he revel in it or would he hate it? A small part of you wished it was the latter, not knowing how you’d feel if the very small bit of growing fame made him into someone you didn’t know.

Noticing the way you quieted down, Amalia’s hand reached off the wheel at a stop and she squeezed your hand. With a sweet smile, she murmured, “he’ll be back soon and it’ll be fine. He won’t be any different. He promised me.”

Taking your bottom lip in and biting it, you wondered if he would keep his word. Without noticing, you began chipping at the polish on your nails, a habit Sunwoo himself had scolded you for endlessly. He would stack his hands on top of yours and press down on them for you to stop but, without your inhibitor, your nail polish began tearing off easily.

With your mind on distant thoughts, you zoned in and out of conversation easily, partially listening to what Amalia was saying. You were trying, you really were but sometimes- almost all the time- it was easy to get lost.

“And apparently Jace got into a huge fight at a party during the summer.”

That rocked you.

Blinking, you found your tongue working again, pulling back to repeat, “Jace?”

Amalia hummed, giving you a swift nod as she pulled into the drive-through. You mentioned you should get Hyunjoon food for practice as Amalia ordered, reading what a usual lunch of his would be like from your notes and listening to her repeat it to the woman on the other end. As you rolled up to the first window, getting all the money out to help Amalia pay, you pressed for more information.

“Jace and Shan are the least confrontational people I know,” you mumbled, trying to wrap your mind around the situation before quickly adding, “besides Joon, of course.”

Amalia shrugged, paying with a smile on her face before slowly coming forward to the second window, where you waited. “I don’t know what happened but, like, nobody does? It happened while he was upstairs at a party and the other guy- Kellen from the year above? Yeah, he won’t tell anyone what happened either.”

“So that’s why he had that bruise,” you said aloud, thinking back to earlier today when you’d passed him in the hallway.

“Not like he doesn’t deserve it though,” Amalia muttered, grabbing onto the incoming bags, turning to say thank you with a sweet smile. The second she began driving, something sour overtook her face and her frown turned downwards.

Your eyebrows touched as you tried to figure out what she wanted to say. “What do you mean?”

Giving you a small look from the corner of her eye, she just shook her head. Underneath her breath, she murmured a small, “nothing,” and kept on driving. Within a beat, she was back to telling another story but that didn’t take your mind off Jace.

You wondered if he was okay, finding yourself genuinely concerned. Did he win? Was he okay? Most of all, though, you wanted to know what everyone wanted to know: why? As you thought it over, the drive disappeared into the past and Amalia had dropped you off back at school. It was decided that you would drop of Joon’s lunch and wait for her at the school so you could all go home together and study for biology. She needed to get gas and snacks and promised to be back for you.

Blowing a kiss at you before leaving, Amalia tossed a loud goodbye out the window and pulled away from the brown building carefully. You found yourself waving with your free hand, the other gripping tightly onto the paper bag with food in it. Once you couldn’t see her car anymore, you feet led you to the practice room, memory taking you half the way there seeing as Joon was always there nowadays.

A few knuckles of yours knocked on the door of the practice room, looking through the glass at the dancing boys before letting yourself in. Juyeon gave you a big smile, one you had grown to love and bury in your heart, underneath emotions that had no right to be surfacing. Hyunjoon immediately bounced forwards, groaning as his hands went to the bag in front of your body. His fingers tipped the paper forwards, opening it so the smell wafted out and the rest of the boys came forwards, begging for a bite of fries. Ji Changmin, the one able to focus, just clapped a bit and got their attention.

“Guys, come on, we've gotta keep practicing. We can eat later.”

The way his eyes landed on yours made you stop your little grin. He always felt so present, like he could see all the way through you and yet see everything about you at the same time.

“Can I stay and watch?” you asked lightly, stepping backwards to feel the wooden box that was propped up behind you.

“We're almost finished, Ji,” Hyunjoon hummed, giving their leader those puppy dog eyes nobody could deny. Changmin took a beat, eyes lingering on your face for more than a second and then nodded.

“We're almost finished,” he repeated and then turned, getting himself in position as another boy, one who just joined, ran to set the music back.

Juyeon walked past you and murmured something about your brother before you reached inside the bag and popped a fry in his mouth. You giggled a bit before feeling the mood change in the room, music starting to fade in. With running footsteps, everyone came into position and then they somehow became one machine. They were oiled so well to the point where each person's arm went up at the same angle, at the same time, with the same emotion. It felt ethereal watching them, knowing Changmin was the puppet pulling their strings, telling them exactly what to do and when and how. He was something else, one of the most perfect magicians because he didn’t have to say anything to make you fall in love with him. He just had to move his thin body in time with the wind.

Practice ended quickly when you were focusing on Changmin. A part of you stole your eyes away to look a Juyeon, watching the way he bent and twisted. Though he wasn’t as fluid, you still found him amazing, and perhaps that’s why you focused on his classmate more. You needed to get your mind off him, it could never happen. You repeated those words to yourself in your head, thinking and crossing your fingers, a part of you wishing it wasn’t true but it was. Your heart was already torn in two pieces. You didn’t need another boy to place your bets on when the first two were already something you were unsure of.

As everyone filtered out one by one, grabbing their bags and laughing, telling stories of what they needed to finish when they got home or their horrible history teachers, you sat on that stage box. Crosslegged and comfortable, you finally got to hand over Hyunjoon’s share, waiting for him so you could eat together. The boy sat down beside you, hair in his face and dripping a bit but his smile was as wide as ever. With a kind grin, you went and handed him a towel, glad to see him this happy again.

“Enjoying yourself?” you asked, taking out both of your meals and handing him his. He nodded, settling down by crossing his long legs as well, knees poking into you. The chatter was slowly dying around you as Joon spoke, more people leaving but Juyeon was at the front, grabbing water and talking to Changmin. When he caught your eye, he smiled with teeth and you had to force yourself to look back at your food, heart leaping.

“Best choreography yet,” Joon appraised, looking almost starry-eyed at Changmin, who was now laughing at a joke, “like Ji wasn’t allowed to make the whole choreography before but now that he’s head dancer, he’s really stepping it up. The newcomers don’t know how great they have it with him being lead.”

You watched Hyunjoon stare a bit more before chuckling and poking him in the side with your elbow. “Did you get that solo?”

Instead of a verbal response, Joon just nodded his head, filling his mouth with his burger. He had barely eaten at lunch and, as he puts it, doesn’t believe in breakfast so you let him chomp down, glad to see his cheeks filled. Exclaiming, you threw your arms around his shoulders and gave him a bit of a shake.

“I’m so proud of you!” you hummed, pulling away to see his extremely large grin despite the food in his mouth. It was clear he wanted to say something more but got distracted, his bashfulness getting the best of him. As you returned to your spot, you found yourself rambling about how excited you were to see him before quieting down and letting him chow down. Through chews, he tried to ask where Amalia was but the question didn’t need answering. The girl burst through the practice doors, looking a bit flustered but mostly happy.

“Guess who just got the best snacks like won’t even be able to figure out what I got,” she started, instantly going on about her haul and the people she met along the way. She loved to say that she was an ambivert and had very introverted tendencies but this girl could be put in the middle of nowhere and be fine. Sometimes you were jealous of it, listening to how her and another girl bumped carts and ended up recognizing each other from elementary school.

“Isn’t that crazy?” she asked to confirm, coming to sit down in the space both you and Joon made between the two of you. As she hopped up on the box, she went to grab a fry from Hyunjoon but you put a few of yours in her hand instead, wanting Joon to eat as much as he could.

“You’re giving those out like free candy,” Juyeon chimed, using his chin to point forwards as he fixed his bag around his shoulders. Changmin was a little way behind him, walking and stretching his legs as he took steps forwards.

“I am a gentle monarch,” you joked, placing a clean hand over your heart. The crescent eyed boy grinned, forming little moons on his face that seemed to sparkle. You hated how much he drew you in when he smiled like that, all big and goofy, like he didn’t care who saw.

“You know, I’ve never had McDonald’s,” Changmin piped up, finally coming towards your group. You looked over to see Hyunjoon’s eyes widen completely, almost popping out of his head as his hand came over his mouth.

“You what?”

Amalia also gaped, neck craning forwards as her jaw dropped. Only Juyeon didn’t seem surprised, throwing an arm over the boy’s shoulders and sighing, “he’s a healthy one, this boy.”

Ji chuckled, shaking his head and suddenly becoming shy. “No, not at all, I just- I never was allowed when I was younger so I never tried it.”

“Well here,” you offered, thrusting your cup of fries forwards. He notched up an eyebrow and almost took one before you brought your hand back quickly and smiled.

“Only if you teach me a cool dance move first.”

There was a small chorus of questions and encouragement all around the small group of you, four people seemingly enough to pressure sweet Changmin into agreeing. He didn’t have a problem with dancing but his whole persona offstage was someone completely different. He went from being this demanding, hard hitting presence to someone so kind. You hopped off the box at the side of the room and followed Changmin to the mirrors, just a few steps away. Looking behind you at the hoots from Amalia, you saw Juyeon taking your place beside her, clapping a little bit. Hyunjoon’s hair was getting fixed out of his eyes by his fingers, back arching forwards so he could watch you. Amalia was giving you a devilish grin and two thumbs up. It felt nice to have that support no matter what though you wished Sunwoo was here to see you. He would’ve been glad to watch you do something so off-brand, so impulsively.

As you shifted your head to the left, Changmin’s large, kind eyes came into view and you felt grounded. You were really about to do this.

“Okay, this is the highlight move of our most recent choreo,” he explained, getting you to stand straight in place before circling around behind you so he could be seen as your shadow. Standing right behind you, he got himself into his starting position and asked you to match him. You did your best, bending your knees where his were and having your arms pointed outwards. Still, Changmin moved forwards to gently press his hands up your back to straighten it in the right direction, his fingers wrapping around yours to give you a proper fist in your left hand.

“This is a bit more aggressive,” he murmured, being just loud enough for you to hear him. Your eyes followed him unwillingly, heart suddenly pounding in your chest. He flustered you almost immediately, gaze finding yours through the strands of hair that fell in his face. Yet, his smile was encouraging and soft. He felt familiar.

Slowly but surely, he took you through the few steps you needed to know to do the most impressive move of the dance, nodding every time you asked questions. You stopped paying attention to your friends, who had started up a little conversation among themselves. Juyeon left at one point, giving you a wave and saying he’d see you ‘at home’ before giving Changmin a hug. Then Joon and Amalia left, probably to change and have some time to themselves. It ended up being just the two of you in that practice room with bars and mirrors and cold fries now tucked away in a paper bag.

He clapped you through the steps, giving you the proper beat before asking if you wanted to try it with the music. His hands were on your shoulders and he was looking at you using the mirror, slender body just a half step behind you. You were left breathless, though you couldn’t figure out if your shallow breathing was his fault or the dance’s. As much as you knew dance was hard, performing and perfecting this was proving to be extremely difficult. Still, you loved it.

The music filtered on and Changmin demonstrated it for the first chorus, which you followed quickly before grinning and nodding. You could do it. As the second chorus came around, Changmin did the move with you, beside you this time and giving you a feeling of togetherness. Then, for the final chorus, he let you do it alone, watching you and clapping excitedly once you finished.

When your hands came down, all the choreography you knew coming together, you collapsed, giggling with tiredness and happiness. You’d really done it, and it didn’t look half bad. The dancer came to sit beside you, laughing a bit at your dramatics but mostly grinning because he was proud of you too.

“You’ve never danced before?” he asked, splaying out beside you on the hardwood floor. You just shook your head, weirdly out of breath and entirely nervous at how close he was to you. Your arms were nearly touching, fingers just a split second away, and you wondered if it was just you feeling this heaviness in the air. Maybe it was just the weight on your chest that made you feel so light and hopeful, or the fact that fantasies created themselves in your head faster than reality unfolded.

“You’re really good for a beginner,” Min praised, giving you a bright grin as he turned his head to face you. Reluctantly, you met his gaze and found yourself lost for a second before gasping.

“Oh my god, those fries must’ve gone cold, I’m so sorry,” you immediately apologized, scrambling to get up and look at the food you’d left. He just laughed, shaking his head and hands at you.

Softly, he said, “it’s okay! Not your fault, I took forever with the details.”

Feeling heat on your cheeks, you apologized again, rolling up the bag after confirming the food wasn’t at its best. You slumped a bit, watching Ji get back up on his feet and fix up a few things in the studio. Finally, he unplugged his phone from the speaker and closed the cabinet, backpack firmly on his shoulders and a towel around his neck.

“I’ll walk you down to meet your friends,” he assured you, noticing you shifting slightly in your spot, unsure if you should leave ahead of him or not. There was something very easy about him, like he could get along with anyone and everyone if they wanted to be his friend too. You nodded, somehow getting quiet again as nervousness slipped back into your skin.

“It must be a lot of responsibility being the lead dancer this year,” you mentioned, hoping it would be something he’d like to talk about. He only shrugged, trying to play it off.

“It's stressful but no big deal, honestly. The worst part is having to lock up, always being the last to leave and stuff but it’s a responsibility I chose,” he finished, clearly being very diligent about the words he was using. He checked the lock of the practice room, pushing the door to make sure it was fully locked before asking if you’d like to go.

Beginning your way down the hallway and up a few stairs to get back to the main level, you pressed a bit. “If it means anything, I really admire you. I come watch your practices all the time because of Joon- who practically idolizes you, you know, like wants to be just like you- but I’ve loved watching your performances ever since grade nine because you’re so good. I don’t even do dance and I can tell, which means you’re impressive, right?”

Changmin seemed to shrink under the compliments, smile growing wider and wider and redness forming on his cheeks. His tongue struggled to find something to say, clearly baffled by your incoherent line of thought and messy sentence, but he landed on a string of thank yous you deflected.

“No need,” you promised, shaking your head as your fingers came between the loops of your backpack, “I’m just being honest.”

You were nearing the front doors, voices echoing through the rounded atrium of your school and you were a bit sad to be parting. Though, you knew you really did have to study for that upcoming test. Changmin only gave you a click of his tongue, shaking his head with his gaze downwards. His thumbs were placed like yours until his feet planted and you came to a stop beside him.

“Um, if you’d want to see more, I’m doing this event at the school dance, like the welcome back masquerade thing. If you’re going, I’d love to see you.”

The invite had your hands shaking, but you nodded nonetheless. “I’ll, um, I’ll let you know?”

He nodded, biting down on his cheek. You saw him contemplate how to say goodbye before awkwardly shifting forward on his feet as taking steps to the front door. You followed closely behind him, walking the rest of the way in silence.

As you breached the outside, wind touching your skin and the sun beginning to set, as it did the later it got in the year, Changmin gave you a small wave.

“See you at the next practice, maybe?”

You nodded, silly smile slipping onto your lips. Now, there was no way you’d miss a single one.

—————————————

I’m sure that maybe you were just being nice but, also, it felt like you saw something in me. I was starting to slip into my lowest and you grabbed my hand to try and help me out. My whole world felt like quicksand and you were an anchor, telling me not to move and that you’ll get me out soon. I remember I would go home and replay your smile in my head. It was shockingly bright and enough to lift my spirits on a weekend or a Friday with no plans (so most Fridays). Still, as irregular as our interactions were, I cherished them. I was glad for little moments where I could just forget and be a typical, starstruck junior who had a tiny crush on a senior.

—————————————

Early October, 2016

The masquerade couldn’t have come quicker, too many things happening all at once. What with school, tests, and getting prepared for what came after, you felt like you really needed a day to relax. Not to mention Sunwoo was coming home and Eric was coming down for the weekend, finally getting a hold of his parent’s car. He told you a few days before the dance, all excitedly telling you he would come down with his girlfriend.

“I- I have a dance this weekend though, I won’t be able to see you on Friday,” you stuttered, making up some excuse to put off meeting her. You knew it was stupid and you should just be happy for your best friend, he deserved to be as excited and giggly as he was then, but something in you stung like poison when you heard her name. Jealousy was an ugly monster and you wanted to keep it at bay for as long as you could.

“Are there still tickets?” Eric sounded eager, like he really wanted this weekend to be a hit. You didn’t want to lie to him, knowing he’d come down and check nonetheless. It would only cause a fight.

You put down your pencil, turning away from your study notes and lying on your back, staring at your ceiling. Your phone was pressed to your ear, elbow bent to an extreme to keep it there.

“I think so, but I wouldn’t know who to ask.”

You could practically see him shrug if you closed your eyes. Sometimes, he was so nonchalant about things, usually needing a plan but earnestness outweighed that impulse apparently.

“I’ll just buy some at the door, no big deal,” he concluded. He was probably nodding, pleased with his decision. Then, suddenly, he had to go and wished you a quick goodbye. Much to your surprise, he added a few little words to the end which seemed to make both of you speechless.

“Love you,” he chirped before stopping. There was a slight breath you both took, you sensing the way it stilled his heart when he said it. You were affectionate, sure, but saying that you loved each other was a very rare thing. It only happened in times of deep sobs and emotional revelations, never so casually tossed around.

An awkward giggle popped past your lips and, though it felt weird, you didn’t force the words past your lips as you repeated what you’d heard. Then, swiftly, Eric said another good-bye and hung up the phone before hearing your response. The line went dead in your ears and you pulled the phone away from your ear, a bit shocked that he was acting like that.

With the entire situation on your mind as you got ready for the dance, you stared at yourself in the mirror. Amalia had asked you if you wanted to try a dress maybe, or a skirt if you were feeling up to it, but you decided against it, opting for pants and a nice shirt. It was the easiest way to dress nicely while also fitting in, not going too against the grain. Amalia said she stood in solidarity with you and bought herself a pantsuit, sending you a picture of her in it an hour ago. You responded, telling her she looked beautiful, and she sent you a bunch of hearts back. There was something that felt difficult between you two recently though, as if communication wasn’t enough.

A frown touched your lips at her response, causing you to simply put your phone down and stare at yourself in the mirror a bit more. Sometimes it felt like you didn’t even know who this person was staring back at you. Chuckles rummaged through your chest as you thought of the animated Mulan movie, voice coming through and humming the tune softly. A little knock at the door took your voice away and you turned to see Haymond in an almost proper suit.

“Ready?” he asked, usually preoccupied with how his hair was positioned or straightening the wrinkles in his clothes, but now he was completely focused on you. His eyes didn’t slip past yours to the mirror and you felt a bit better knowing that your brother saw you, even if you couldn’t sometimes.

You nodded softly, grabbing your phone from its charger and taking everything else you’d need. Haymond’s hand was on your shoulder as he led you down the hallway and stairs, mouth chattering.

“It’s my last welcome back dance and they had to make it a masquerade,” he started, a bit of happiness in his chest as he joked, “as if it wasn’t already lame enough.”

“Then why are you going?” you pushed back, notching up an eyebrow at your brother.

Haymond only shot you a glittering smile, straightening in his spot as he fixed his tie. “As resident ladies man, I really need to make an appearance at every event.”

You snorted as your dad came around the corner, giving your shoulder a quick squeeze. “What he means is ‘I’m popular’. Now get in this picture, pretty boy.”

Haymond began protesting as he came to stand beside you in your usual picture spot, your dad now squinting at his camera and leaning his head forwards as if he couldn’t understand how the modern phone worked. You found yourself naturally smiling, happy for the lightness in the air as your dad complained about his phone and went to look for the actual camera, Haymond stalking after him, trying to educate the poor man about technology.

Then, you heard the knock at the door and your heart stopped. If it was Eric-

You didn’t have time to think about it, seeing as your mum left the door unlocked again, as she usually did on guest days. Juyeon came bursting through the door, dressed in a suit as well and hair slicked so only a few strands fell in front of his face. You found yourself breathless, staring at him for a second before blinking back surprise. Then, you said hello and gave him a light hug, one he returned easily.

“You look great.”

You shrugged, twirling a bit in your spot and giving him a funny face. “It’s just a little something I threw together.”

This caused a laugh that ruptured through the whole house, his eyes curling into moons again and you found yourself still taken by him. It was funny how so many people could take up residence in your heart, as if the chambers of it constantly expanded to let new people stretch their legs and set up shop. Barly came through, barking at the boy for pets and hugs, which he gracefully gave as your family filtered into the living room.

“Juyeon!” Your mother was exceptionally chipper, hair tied up with silk for the moment but face still gracing a bit of makeup. She hugged the boy as well, making comments about how handsome he was before offering everyone drinks.

Your father and Haymond came back in as well and your dad seemed glad for the extra companion. “More people, more pictures. Everyone get in- yes, you too, Barly.”

There was a bark and swiftly, more people came in through the front door. Eric showed up, grinning and with a girl on his arm. You didn’t catch her name, somehow preoccupied with how awkward the hug with Eric was. He seemed scared to touch you, as if he’d cross a line. You did your best not to show the discomfort on your face as him and his girlfriend piled into the pictures, the girl very excited to finally meet you. She gave your body a tight squeeze, gushing about how she’d heard so much about you. Your dad didn’t fail to take a picture of that. You wondered how awful your face must’ve looked in it because Haymond was sniggering about it behind the camera as your dad showed him the preview.

Flustered, you decided you couldn’t take any more of this, desperately wanting to leave as all this chatter and light filled your house, Eric’s girlfriend wearing a sparkling golden dress, as if her laugh wasn’t loud and obnoxious enough. At that thought, you found yourself biting your tongue, upset at yourself. You couldn’t just let her live? She wasn’t doing anything wrong to you and she sure as hell wasn’t mistreating Eric. You could see in the way she was looking at him, stars in her eyes, that she really did care for him. You decided to pick up her name, hearing your dad call her Raven and keeping it in your heart, hoping that there would be room in it for her too.

Your feet managed to sweep you off to the backyard, where the sun was setting now, just hiding behind the sun. You wished it was darker because then maybe it wouldn’t be as embarrassing to hide the tears you held in your eyes. You didn’t want to rub under your eyes with your sleeve, not wanting to possibly stain it, so you just used the pads of your fingers, hoping to catch the tears before they left salt on your cheeks.

“Been a rough week, huh?” His voice was enough to fix you and send you off the edge of your seat all at once.

You launched forwards, burying your head in his chest and hiding it as your arms wrapped around his slender body. He had gotten skinnier while he was away.

Sunwoo’s laugh was soft and not directed at you in any way. His arms were light but secure, fixing around you as if to keep you safe- like he never wanted to let you out of them for those few moments.

“I missed you,” you said, though your words were muffled by his jacket. He repeated the sentiment, rubbing a few circles into your back before pulling away.

“But hey, stop crying, okay? It’s supposed to be a good day. Eric’s here, I’m here, Changmin’s performing. It’s gonna be great, okay?”

You nodded, finding your eyes taking in every part of your best friend before giving him another squeeze. As Sunwoo found his place beside you, daring to lead you back into the living room and through it to the front where cars waited, as did people, he began to speak.

“So, tell me what I missed what I was gone. I want to hear all the hot gossip.” His eyes shone as he spoke, something mischievous about him.

“From me?”

He shrugged. “Who else? Amalia’s a gossip but not a good storyteller. You, on the other hand…”

So, you spent the entire car ride sitting between him and Amalia, who indeed did look beautiful in her pant suit, talking his ear off. Eric was sitting in front of you, commenting as he was listening in and you were glad to see him slowly relaxing. Though, he always flicked his eyes away from yours when you held eye contact for more than a moment and you figured he still felt uncomfortable. You didn’t pay it much mind, having a healthy task of catching Sunwoo up.

Amalia and you tag teamed at times, explaining the whole Jace situation as best as you could, though neither of you had any real information about it still. Even he wouldn’t tell you what had happened, though you figured that was because Amalia really couldn’t keep a secret sometimes. Yet, Sunwoo didn’t seem too fazed by it, giving his shoulders a shrug.

“It’s good someone told that di- guy- to shut up,” Sunwoo grumbled, clearly offset. Maybe he knew more than he let on but neither you nor Amalia had time to press as you arrived at your school.

They were handing out masks at the front, really trying to keep the whole masquerade bit of the dance held up but they were all from the dollar store and very uncomfortable. Some people brought their own, which you noticed happily, glad for the few people who referenced the Phantom of The Opera. It was a whole affair, with streamers and cheap decorations strung together. Not the fanciest of dances, but nice nonetheless considering how underfunded your school was. Though, the anonymity of the students was lost. You could pick out anyone you wanted from the crowd, though the younger kids were a mystery to you. Amalia, who did he fair share of leadership events, did end up getting distracted by some sophomores who complimented her dress.

In your ear, Sunwoo murmured, “I was on T.V. and she’s still the more popular one.”

You understood it was supposed to be a joke but it still caused a bit of panic in your body. Did he want to be noticed? You supposed all aspiring idols wanted to be famous, whether it was for their skill or looks or music. Still, it made you worry. With a forced smile, you pushed forwards, looking for an empty table all of you could sit at. It wasn’t until you heard your name that you turned, finally face to face with Jace and Shankeri.

“We saved seats for us over there,” Keri grinned, grasping your hand before tugging you the complete opposite way you were walking. Her mouth chattered on, clearly loosened up by the loud atmosphere.

Jace gave you a little knowing smile, preferring not to say much nowadays. Whenever you’d seen him in class, he’d keep more to himself, only talking to a few from your friend group and even then, it was rare.

“Who dragged you out of the house today?” you asked, looking at his very mismatched clothes, hardly strung together but you figured that was Jace’s appeal. He could make the messiest of atires look natural and purposeful. He just pointed his chin at Keri, who’d found the widest table and draped different articles of clothing across the chairs to reserve them. The girl gave him back a warm smile, presenting the seats.

“See,” she crooned over the blue lights and humming music, “I even made sure to get enough for Eric.”

Hearing his name snapped you back into reality. Sunwoo had caught up with your group, greeting both Jace and Keri easily, and they showered him with compliments. Jace, who was much taller and blonder than Sunwoo, leaned back and even began to resemble the boy you knew in grade nine. Then, Hyunjoon appeared, Amalia on his arm as she waved to other people before giving Keri a running bear hug. The two hopped around, squealing about something and being impossibly sweet. It made you grin but, when you looked behind you, you couldn’t find Eric anywhere.

Excusing yourself, you found yourself searching for the boy and Raven, a girl who you were trying hard to warm up to. As you shifted through the growing crowd, the gymnasium filling quickly and the night passing slowly, you stumbled across your brother and grasped his arm.

Haymond flinched for a moment, turning his head to see who it was only to land on you and sighing a bit. “Who’d you lose?”

“I can’t find Eric anywhere,” you began to say before you thought you heard his laugh. It was so loud in here and still, you thought it was him. You flicked your eyes around the room, praying for a look at his dyed brown hair but catching nothing.

“You’ll find him, it’s not that big of a gym,” Haymond assured you, trying to move to his table but you followed him.

“But have you seen him?”

Your brother, though he’d been warming up to you, looked a bit exasperated in that moment. With another curt sigh, he pressed, “no, y/n. I’m not your friend’s babysitter.”

You raised your eyebrows at his quick tongue and let go of his arm. He must’ve seen the way a million emotions flipped past your eyes in a split second because he began to say something else but you cut him off with a snipped goodbye. The music seemed to swell as you took more steps through the gym, honestly confused at how you hadn’t come across the boy yet. It really wasn’t that big of a room and yet-

Your shoulder crashed with another person’s and you didn’t even look as you apologized, hoping to power through until you got stopped by the sound of your name. It was a sweet voice, drifting above the music and almost fitting into the melody. There was only one person who could do that, instantly grounding you and taking a bit of the edge off from the pronounced wrinkles between your brows.

Changmin’s smile was radiant, mask covering just the top of his face and fanciful as always. The glitter on its borders gave him extra luminance, as if he needed it when he shone so brightly form within. He extended his hand as if it were the nineteen twenties, bending at the waist for a moment before asking if you wanted to dance.

“I- I’m looking for my friend, we’re supposed to sit together,” you said, completely skirting around the question and probably sounding like an idiot.

The boy just straightened, lips moving a bit before he seemed to land on the words, “I’ll help you if you want.”

“I’ll owe you a dance,” you decided, hoping it came off your tongue as smoothly as you thought it would. Changmin’s smile widened as he nodded, taking his place beside you. It was quiet for a moment as your filtered through people and the current dance floor, hoping to make it to the refreshments before more people joined the floor.

By the time you got to breathable air, you’d figured out where you wanted to strike up a conversation. “When’s your performance?”

“Middle of the night,” he said softly, glancing over people that were too tall for you to see over, “so nine-ish, I think. Why?”

“Because I’m excited to see it,” you admitted easily, not very keen on hiding your admiration for him just yet. This seemed to give Changmin some courage, his shoulders straightening in the slightest as he turned his eyes back to yours.

There was some pause in his words, like he was trying to figure out what he wanted to say before saying it. Then, slowly, he began, “do you see your friend?”

You shook your head, eliciting the same response from Min. He said he couldn’t see a boy of that description, at least not here with this lighting, and you frowned. He suggested messaging Eric the table number and you secretly cursed yourself for not thinking of that first. That gave him a bit of a laugh, probably seeing the look in your eyes before questioning if you’d thought of that. When you shook your head no, he placed a hand on his stomach, laughing ridiculously.

“Stop,” you drawled, holding back giggles of your own at how little you were thinking that night. Your hand came up to swat at his chest lightly, which Min took rather well, just barely dodging you.

With a bright smile, he simply grabbed your hand and murmured, “do I get that dance now?”

A nod was all he needed, Ji sweeping you closer to the heart of the dance floor and giving you a bunch of moves you’ve never seen before. You were quite sure he didn’t know how to dance if it wasn’t choreographed but it was fun seeing him play around as he hit all the beats so casually, mask still fixed on his face but yours now resting as a headband in your hair. The song slowly drifted into a slower one, which you let the boy pull you in for. His hands were respectful but firm, leading you as you expected he would. You didn’t need to say much, or anything at all because it weirdly felt so comfortable, like you’d already befriended him in a past life.

That didn’t stop your heart from racing.

Just as you were deciding to break your bit of silence, Min stole the show with his little question. “Can you tell me about you and Juyeon?”

It was a soft request, one that needn’t be answered but you felt it was serious that he wanted to know. You met his eyes then, pulling away a bit to assess the gravity of his question. Without knowing what to say, you began to splutter. It was just a summer crush, one that you had to press down- one that confused you amongst your other emotions. They were all so strong and you felt torn to bits, grabbed every which way by different people. If there was ever a moment for panic to show on your skin, it would be then.

“It’s okay if you don’t- I just figured since- you know he talks a lot about you and I…” he stuttered and trailed off, clearly not wanting to set you off but you just shook your head, hoping to make this not an awkward moment.

Though, the more you tried to fix it, the worse it got. Both of you wanted so badly not to press too hard or be too nosy, which was difficult for two people who sure did like to talk. A string of apologizes followed each other, blush possibly forming on Min’s cheeks but you couldn’t see too well under this deep sea lighting.

Catching a breath, and a look at the clock on the wall, you patted Changmin on the chest and pointed at the clock. “It’s almost showtime.”

This sent the boy off in a hurry, a small hug being graced upon your body before he disappeared somewhere. You walked in what felt like a daze back to your table, where most of your group was waiting for food. Amalia slumped against her chair, looking unnaturally tired but she perked up seeing you.

“There you are!” Her voice was loud and grand, able to take your mind off anything for a brief moment. “We’ve been looking for you, but we found Eric.”

The only empty seat left at the table was between him and Sunwoo, who was talking easily with the boy. Just behind them, you noticed a few younger girls gawking at your friend. Pushing a little smile for Amalia, you made up an excuse of being in the washroom and took a seat, apologizing for getting between the conversation.

“You okay?” Eric asked. There was genuine concern in his eyes, though there was a tightness in his skin as he looked over your face. You didn’t know what to say. All you did know was that this night sure as hell wasn’t an escape from your everyday life.

If anything, it made it worse.

——————————

As I’m writing this, I’m realizing that a lot of what I was feeling towards you - am feeling towards you- is misplaced. I’m calling it love but maybe it’s more so adoration and intense affection. You came into my life at such a tumultuous time and tried to make it better. Maybe you could see that I was struggling and was trying to help. Maybe, when you danced with me, you could feel the waves of the ocean inside me pushing against the shore angrily and wanted to calm it. You wanted the storm to pass, while fighting with your own as well. I wish I could’ve known. I wish I could’ve seen it.

——————————

Mid October, 2016

Lunch was rolling around the corner and you found it easy to slip out of class early, making up an excuse for having to help with dance preparations. Your chemistry teacher, though not necessarily the most understanding, had a migraine and waved you out of class without paying you much mind. A boy with a large smile, one you hadn’t seen before, gave you a bit of a look before you wandered out of the classroom. With a small blink, you whisked the image of him out of your head, realizing you had a lot more to worry about than someone you didn’t know. Your whole life seemed to be crashing in on you, the pressure of all those boys and what they meant to you making it hard to breathe.

There was Eric, who had kept his distance as your friend for a very long time. He never invaded, or said anything too touchy, but he did keep you in line. He knew you through and through, at least the person you used to be. Maybe that’s why it was so different seeing him now. He didn’t understand the way you grew, the friends you began to have, the way you seemed to cling to people who showed you that they loved you- especially people like Sunwoo. The boy was popular and loud and likeable and funny and totally someone you usually wouldn’t go for; and yet, seeing him now made your heart rock. You would wait to just catch a glimpse of him between classes or eagerly sit beside him at lunch. There was a hunger for closeness that seemed to grow the more he was away from you- the more you realized he wasn’t going to sit here and wait around for you forever.

Then, there happened to be Juyeon, who muddled your head even more. He was meant to be a passing crush, much like Chanhee was. Just something that you fell in and out of love with easily, grace on the tips of your wings as you dipped into and out of his pond. Yet, he seemed so consistent. He was a constant reminder of what you couldn’t have, familial responsibilities and concerns holding you back. Haymond would much rather have you date anyone in his year except for his best friend. He was off-limits, as you were to him.

Lastly, Changmin’s face fell in front of your eyes when you blinked and you found yourself so utterly perplexed. In the middle of all this turmoil was this shining light, someone so bright and happy, who could spin you around in circles and teach you dance moves without any judgement. His laugh was clear and sharp, voice loud and filling. It was like you were being pulled by all four of your limbs and weren’t giving way to any of these people, who seemed to feast on your heart rather than living in it.

As you shook the graphic image from your mind, you started to take a look at your surroundings and realized you’d been walking in the opposite direction of your locker. People began filtering out of their classes and the bell was on time as well, piercing through the growing chatter in the halls. You were close to turning on your heel but instead saw Changmin and found your feet leading you forwards once more.

“Changmin!” you called, giving him a wave. You still had your chemistry textbook locked tight against your chest, both arms wrapping around it to keep it safe. The boy, though tall enough to reach the top shelf of his locker, was standing with his foot inside his locker to give him more height. He stepped down once he saw you, eyes wide and mouth perched open as he searched for who called out to him.

Softly, his features changed into something warmer, smile hitching up the ends of his lips, cheeks bunching up against his curled eyes. It was enough to leave you breathless, the bit of sunlight he had locked inside him branching out in rays wherever his skin showed. There was never a moment where you weren’t absolutely caught by him, but sometimes you wished there was. It sure would make it easier for you to talk to him.

“Hey, y/n,” he hummed, book in hand now. He was fixing it into his bag, which was hanging by the hook of his lock for ease.

“Practice today at lunch?” You hoped it sounded natural, shoulder pressing lightly into the locker next to his.

The boy shook his head. “Hopefully going home. I’m exhausted, I need a nap.”

“Can I join?” The question was meant to be a joke, you saying it between breathy laughs, but you saw the flicker in his eyes and realized how he might’ve taken it. Widening your eyes, you tried to take back what you said and rework it but he just laughed, taking the edge off for you.

“No, trust me, I get it,” he promised, waving his hand and shaking his head in time, eyes shut for a moment. You seemed to blink with him because, the next thing you knew, his back was getting pressed into the locker beside his and his shirt was caught in bundles in someone’s fists. The slam of his body into the metal doors was enough to shock you, sound seeming to ricochet like a bullet would.

Suddenly, the chatter lowered and spectators formed. Words came spilling out of Kellen’s mouth, his skin no longer bruised around his eyes. You supposed the lack of injury gave him enough courage to strike again, this time with slurs dripping from his tongue. It was the first time you’d seen something like this happen, though you’d heard of it all the time. You always said you wouldn’t stand for it. You’d step in, try to help, but your feet were stuck to the ground. There was an impeccable amount of fear in your body and it grounded you for long enough to hear him use the word gay as if it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever say in his life.

It caused a rift in your heart, most of you not completely understanding what the problem was, though you could reason it out. It was a word you heard whispered over dinners or used in reference to an older cousin you had living out in South Africa but nothing more elaborate than that. Maybe your ears weren’t trained for the intricacies of life, your brain hardly in the know about the more scandalous, dreadful things that happened around school. It was in that moment you realized you were entirely sheltered, kept from things you knew would hurt you as much as Changmin’s scrunched up face- one made of pain and anxiety- did in that moment. The worst part was that you didn’t know what to do.

One more slur was enough for you to blink back the sadness in your eyes and turn it into anger. Something in your body stirred, flinging your body forwards until you found your hands ripping at Kellen’s, voice yelling to get off him. You’d never been this mad before, never found it in your body to be violent. It was completely out of left wing but you supposed this whole situation was. It was new to you and slowly, it created someone new out of you.

“Y/n!”

Your brother’s voice was the first thing you heard, head switching back to look at him. That was when you felt the elbow in your chest, shoving you backwards into the few people on standby, away from Changmin. Your brother was the first to catch you, arm slinking around yours and body pressed up against your back. His eyes were on yours, concerned but then angered in a minute. Maybe it was a family trait.

Still, the brother you expected you had disintegrated and he was immediately trying to tug you the opposite way. Under his breath, he mumbled, “come on, y/n, I want to make sure you’re okay.”

You pushed away from his hold, staring at him with some sort of disdain. In that moment, it seemed so hard to push words from your mouth but you were mad. And sad. And torn to pieces. It wasn’t happening to you and yet, you were feeling the bruises form on your shoulders with every push Changmin got. You were feeling the tears drip from your eyes as words got catapulted at his face and nobody tried to stop. Nobody tried to help. People just saw it, feared the situation, and walked on by with their heads down.

“What the hell’s your problem, Kellen?”

Jace’s question rang loud enough for you to turn from your brother back to the situation. He seemed to attract a bigger crowd. He was a larger boy than Changmin, with a reputation that preceded him. Everyone knew about Jace but nobody really knew him. Not even you. His eyes flickered to you for a moment before he looked back at the thick fingers that pressed Changmin against a locker. The dancer’s eyes were vulnerable but knowing. It set you off.

Kellen looked confused, grip loosening for a moment. A breath was taken. “J- Jace, why are you d-”

“You know, maybe if you read a book, you’d stop being such an asshole. Men sleep with men sometimes and sometimes they don’t but it’s not your fucking business.” The words sounded strained and, when you looked at Jace, his teeth were gritted. The muscles in his cheeks were sharp.

Kellen had seen that look before, you bet. You realized that was the only reason he was backing down. His pride had been stung once before and, though he was mean, he wasn’t dumb. He knew Jace was better than him and you supposed that’s why his tongue was more wicked.

“Is he your little boyfriend, Jace? Don’t pretend I didn’t see you and him at the party- why don’t you tell people why you really be-”

A blow was enough to make you stagger back, Jace suddenly letting out a yell that was enough to rip your soul open. Kellen was knocked to the floor, the blonder boy now on top of him with anger building up in a way you didn’t understand. Despite all of it, you made a run for Changmin, pulling him closer to you as teachers came running down the hall. It was chaos, a cacophony of yells and screams, desperate attempts to get the two boys to pull apart as people watched. People filmed and Changmin tried to hide his fear in your shoulders.

——————————

A lot of my letters are happy and I want them to be. I want every crush and every experience to be a good one but sometimes, they’re not. More often than not, they’re upsetting. They crush me and make me feel bad but, in some ways, I can find consolation. It all happens for a reason, I could say to myself, but this isn’t something I can get over. It’s been days and weeks since the incident but I just can’t get it out of my head. I can’t understand it. I don’t want to even understand something so painful for you.

After that, I remembered you telling me that it happens all the time and it’s no big deal. You told me not to worry and cupped my cheek with your hand, though there was a bit of a mark on your chin and scratches on your chest. I’m sorry for not being there for you, for not understanding. I’m sorry for distancing myself after this, even though you told me that maybe it was better for us to hang out less. I’m sorry that I’m making this about me.

Changmin, I don’t know what to say. I feel like I’ll never know what to say.

Love, y/n y/l/n. On November 27th, 2016.

——————————

The casual reminder of his high school life gave Changmin a bitter taste in his mouth. He tried hard to reconcile with it too, to understand, to not be upset about what people had called him or felt about him but it was hard. It was hard not to be angry, just like Jace was. His hands shook lightly as he folded the paper away. In some ways, it was too real. In other ways, it was completely fantasy, a life he entered without knowing why. You were a story he had no idea he’d dipped his toe into and now, there he was, a bright light, as you called him.

A part of him was undeniably happy. He enjoyed being that person, someone who consoled and helped and eased pain. He only ever wanted to make people smile. Well, that and dance, the latter of which had become his life part high school. It saved him. With a small frown, he found himself wondering if you had been saved by something too.

“Changmin!”

The sound of his name ripped him from his thoughts, the tall boy standing up on his steps and waving. He must’ve been waiting. Hurrying up his steps, Min jogged forwards, meaning to talk to Jae about some of this. Maybe he’d gotten something similar too and would be able to understand. If anything, he lived beside you and maybe there’d be some explanation. Some insight into your mind.

After a quick embrace though, Min seemed to forget all about it. His mind was troubled but, for a moment, he was so caught up in his friend. He missed him, the boy with the sad eyes and a loud laugh to cover it up. His parents probably didn’t come to pick him up from the station but there was something else bothering him, Min could tell. He was a bit touchy and there was a small burn on his wrist.

“Hey, you okay?” Min found himself asking, grasping the boy’s hand and turning it to see the red skin there. Jaehyun quickly retracted his hand, nodding and rubbing just above it.

“Yeah, I just wasn’t paying attention, I guess.” The eyebrows on his face came forwards, eyes downcast as he stared at his own injury. There was a beat of silence before both of them seemed to perk up at the sound of tires pulling into the driveway and a laugh- your laugh- floating through the air.

Jaehyun exchanged a look with Min for a second, almost disregarding it before getting serious. “Did you get one too?”

Changmin was shocked enough to be rendered speechless for a second before blurting out a quick, “a letter, yes.”

“Oh, fuck,” Jaehyun exhaled, sitting down on his steps, “do you think maybe-?”

“Juyeon,” Changmin finished, glancing towards the house only to see the door open and your older brother step out, Juyeon trailing behind them.

“Haymond, stop!” Juyeon’s voice was loud enough to carry through the lazy neighbourhood seats. Changmin nearly took steps forward but his friend was enough to stop him, hand grasping his calve.

“Wait, Min. We all have questions. It’s better if we just wait.”

Changmin watched you disappear inside the house, Hyunjoon catching his eye. The boy gave an awkward wave before ducking inside as well. Min slumped, finding a seat beside his friend.

“What did y/n say in yours?”

Jaehyun simply handed him the papers, crumpled from his back pocket but there nonetheless. Changmin exchanged his as well. Maybe, slowly, he could put some pieces together starting from Jaehyun.

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